#or at least happier

[pseud0knots]

as part of my efforts to unlearn The Shame I’ve turned my spotify listening activity back on so now all my college friends can see exactly how much I’m listening to character playlists as a 25 year old and you know what. Really it’s sad for them that they do not have access to my rich inner world and the theater of my mind palace

[profoundmakerdreamerss-blog]

I hate, hate golden trio bashing fics. They have such a ride-and-die friendship like bro they raided a bank together then fled on a dragon they stuck together through so much — while having fights like normal friends do, but the best thing about them? They get back together. No matter what. Thus, coming out of a literal war in one piece, together; if that doesn't tell you how much they love each other then I don't know what to tell you.

[fogdraws]

I couldn't resist. I drew it. It's an urge deep within that I can't deny.

The two of them are living in my head rent free (among all my other obsessions ofc, they never really left)

The part of the book that I used is below the cut:

(There's not much need of a cut but I really like using it)

[commander-revan]

What the fuck was the point of all this

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Today is the day Shinichiro time leaped for the first time, changing the future to save Mikey and the rest of his family!

[hel7l7]

[ Things have been changing - I don't really know how to explain. How to give words to the chaos I currently exist of. ]

[ Things have been good. I'm growing. Slowly learning and unlearning. I've been trying, I've messed up and I've tried again. ]

It's weird, this new phase.

[ Self-destruction is the familiar thing, it is what got me through before but what I'm leaving behind now. ]

[ I'm still figuring out how to get through without it ]

[ I'm scared. I feel unsteady. At the same time I feel stronger, whole & more at ease than I have in a long time. ]

[ I need some time, but I'll figure it out. ]

[noliaert]

"Show me were you go at night", featuring a cigarette kiss

Fixed up on this one again

[soaked-ghost]

it's the annual infodumping post!! yahoo!! have ink when he was slightly younger. also concept for how he actually hears the creators (with a little radio)

[ourlittleuluru]

誓い

This day today is without any lies or deceit It's the perfect day to make an eternal vow I don't need beautiful flowers or any witnesses Let's just get rings with matching colours 🎵 Chikai ~ Utada Hikaru

[steddiehyperfixation]

how to stay with you (steddie ficlet)

written for @steddieangstyaugust day 29: future, and also inspired by this post i saw ages ago

1474 words | rated t | cw: angst without a happy ending (ik angst with a happy ending won the poll by a landslide but unfortunately i ran out of time sorry y'all)

When Steve and Eddie first got together, they had been young and in love and that’s all that had mattered. At 19 and 20 the realities of the future seemed so far away, so caught up in each other in each present moment that it almost felt like they would never grow up, like time would never pass and they would never have anything to worry about. Conversations of ‘what ifs’ and potential issues were brushed aside, anything that wasn’t an immediate problem dismissed with a kiss and a carefree “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” There was no need for premature concern when surely nothing would ever be so big as to come between them. Because they were it for each other, weren’t they? They were forever, and forever seemed so easy when forever was young.

But the time did pass and they did grow up, and now the bridges they thought they’d never come to are looming before them, fast approaching.

At 25 and 26, they sit at the dinner table in the one-bedroom apartment they’ve lived in for years and Eddie tells Steve about the life-changing phone call he just received. The Hollywood music producer he’s been in sporadic contact with finally wants to finalize a plan and work with Eddie’s band officially, and Eddie is so excited he’s practically vibrating as he rambles to Steve about the album he’ll make and the tours he might go on and how they’re gonna have to start looking for places in LA soon because they have to be local and the producer wants to get started on this by the end of next month. He expects Steve to be excited too, to match his grin and maybe hold hands and bounce around the kitchen with him, but his boyfriend’s expression only falls further and further into a frown with every word Eddie speaks.

“Eddie-” Steve interrupts him, his voice far too serious. “I don’t want to move to LA.”

Eddie’s buzzing energy freezes, stopping short. “What?”

Steve repeats, “I don’t want to move to LA.”

“But-” Eddie frowns. “I was always going to move to LA, that was always my plan. You knew that.”

“Yeah, I-I know. But we always said we’d just cross that bridge when we came to it.”

“Well, we’re coming to it now. So, why don’t you want to move?”

“I don’t want to uproot our life here. And I don’t want to end up having to wait around in a strange city while you’re off on tours all the time.”

“You wouldn’t, you’d come with me.”

Steve shakes his head. “I can’t live like that. And what about when we have kids? That’s no way to-”

“Wait, Steve-” It’s Eddie’s turn to interrupt, all trace of his previous excitement gone, having dropped like a stone into his gut instead. “I don’t want kids. Like, ever.”

Something fractures in Steve’s eyes as he stares at him, almost hurt. “What? Why did you never say anything? You knew- I’ve always wanted kids, Eddie, you’ve always known that.”

“Yeah, I know, I just-” Eddie’s mouth feels too dry and his tongue too heavy as he wets his lips and shrugs guiltily. “I mean, we always said we’d just cr-”

“-cross that bridge when we came to it, yeah,” Steve sighs, a dejected sort of exhale that slouches in his shoulder as if the full weight of this conversation has suddenly settled upon them.

Eddie feels it too, feels them sinking somewhere they can’t come back from. “Is that, uh- is that a dealbreaker for you?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Steve admits, and he looks at Eddie like it devastates him to do so, emotion swimming in his eyes and straining his voice. “Is me not wanting to move to LA a dealbreaker for you?”

Eddie swallows thickly. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Would you ever change your mind?” Steve asks, a last ditch hope. “About kids, or any of it?”

“No,” Eddie says; though he hates to watch the last of the light drain from Steve’s face, he can’t lie to him. “Would you?”

“No,” Steve answers in a barely managed whisper.

Eddie takes a deep breath, and it shakes. His vision blurs. He says, “Then this isn’t going to work, is it?”

Steve stares at him with glassy eyes, like he’s watching Eddie become a ghost right in front of him. His voice breaks as he speaks, “You mean we’re not going to work.”

“Yeah…” Eddie confirms, and it shatters his heart. “I’m so sorry, Stevie.” He reaches for Steve’s hands across the table. “I love you more than anything, I really do, but I won’t give up on my dream, and I can’t ask you to give up on yours either.”

“No you’re right.” Steve breath shudders. His eyes fall to their joined hands and he blinks rapidly, the way he does when he’s trying hard not to cry. He squeezes Eddie’s hands tight, desperate for something to hold on to even as he agrees, “We want different things, incompatible things. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“Exactly…I don’t want to hold you back,” Eddie echoes in barely more than a whisper, afraid if he tries to speak any louder he’ll break into tears.

Steve does break then, a sob escaping from his throat as if it’d clawed its way free, tears spilling from his eyes. Such a cry activates an instinct in Eddie that sends him leaping to his feet and pulling Steve into a hug within seconds.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again. His chest aches and he really wishes this wasn’t happening, hates that he knows that it has to.

“Me too,” Steve manages, head buried in Eddie’s shoulder. There’s no bitterness in it, only heavy acceptance. He knows it too.

They both know there’s no solving this, no compromise they could find that wouldn’t inevitably fester into resentment and regret. Because Steve wants to settle down and Eddie wants to fly - but Eddie isn’t built for the ground, nor is Steve for the sky, and there’s no common place left between them where they could both survive. It’s over.

So they mourn together while they still have each other to take comfort in, clinging tight to what they’re losing, just one last time. Eddie's crying now too, his tears streaming silently down his cheeks in counterbalance to Steve’s sniffly mumbling.

“I don't want to lose you,” Steve mutters. “Are you sure? Are you sure?”

And Eddie cries quietly into the crook of his neck that he doesn't want to lose him either, and he's sorry, so sorry.

When the worst of their sobs subside, they reach the bargaining stage of their grief, and they pull apart just enough to talk properly while still holding onto each other. Eddie swears he'll keep in touch, says he still wants to be a part of Steve's life. Steve makes him promise to send him postcards of all the amazing places he'll go to on tours and to invite him to shows whenever he's nearby. Eddie tells him to invite him to the wedding when - when, he emphasizes as Steve starts to shake his head - Steve falls in love again and finds someone who can give him the life he wants.

At that, Steve sniffles out a laugh, wet and humorless. “That would be cruel,” he says.

“I never said I’d actually show up,” Eddie clarifies, giving an equally complicated smile and bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “I just want to know. I want to know that you're happy, even if it can't be with me.”

Steve closes his eyes - another tear or two leaks out - and turns his face into Eddie's hand. In a whisper, he agrees, “Okay.”

They decide it would be best for Eddie to leave as soon as possible. Since they've already concluded they won't last, there's no reason for them to stay in the same apartment even just one more night. It would only hurt more in the end.

With a sort of dissociated detachment, Eddie packs up his things, separating his life from Steve’s one piece of clothing and decorations at a time. It's all he can do not to start crying again.

As Eddie turns to leave for the last time, Steve grabs his arm, impulsive, desperate, and begs him for one more kiss. So Eddie turns around and indulges him. He tastes the salt of their tears on their lips, clutching at Steve's waist and tangling a hand in his hair as they both kiss each other like they know they never will again. Eddie savors every bitter taste, memorizes every sweet feeling.

And then they’re out of time and Eddie's out the door, his whole future ahead of him and his heart cracked right in half.

[bumblebree1903]

Can someone explain to me why Gerry being happy and his badly dyed hair not being mentioned means he can’t be goth? I feel like there’s more depth to the reasons, I just keep seeing “he’s happy so he’s not goth”. I’m genuinely curious I want to hear the variety of reasons bc I personally LOVE happy goth characters.

[genderkoolaid]

stop your yapping 😭

oh ur miserable miserable huh

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

when toshiro got on laios ass for being inconsiderate and never thinking about how his actions affect others like he was mean abt it but hes not wrong. Thats a pretty major character flaw and a pattern of behavior for laios — w not choosing jobs that made money for namari who is in a pretty dire financial situation where she cant even get off the island and has to go adventuring in the dungeon to get out of debt, who even explicitly brought this up, eating marcilles familiar immediately even tho she was attached to it, kidnapping shuro into his party and putting him in life threatening situations without like really checking he wanted to be there…?, wanting to see if izutsumi has more than one set of nipples when dehumanization is a HUGE huge issue for her the list goes on and on and on. Like when a friend does this to you its just kinda annoying but when ur the leader u really should be checking if everyones needs r met without them telling u. Like the autism plays a factor for sure, his cultural upbringing plays a factor for sure, but as ppl regardless I think u gotta step up to meet the needs of ppl in the moment or realize u shouldnt be calling the shots. just bc its influenced by factors out of ur control does not make it not a serious character flaw. And its written as such in the story.

[athousandbyeol]

oh, wow. i don't know what to say...

this episode feels like a fever dream to me. i can't really wrap my head around it. but everything about it is just beautiful. and painful. but so wonderful.

honestly, i had a hard time breathing during the first 10 to 20 minutes of the episode. just because, maybe i'm not used to seeing jiang tian and sheng wang being this 'cold' with/towards each other. from the previous episodes, even though they're standing or talking or looking at each other at a distance, it's always brimming with warmth. but the opening scenes of this episode feel cold and distant and awkward.

and because of that... i cried. hahaha. weird, right?

i didn't cry yesterday even though (in my opinion) episode five was even more heart-wrenching. but this one... i cried multiple times :( probably because I don't like seeing fights commencing (even in real life). this silent treatment and cold shoulder thing; i don't like it. it breaks my heart.

and then sheng wang no longer wants the model student title, letting go of something he doesn't have control over. and jiang tian doesn't want it too—because they're in this together. they trust each other. they only have each other.

and then the clouds are slowly clearing once teacher zhao talked about living without plans or schedules. that epiphany on both sheng wang and jiang tian's face was so moving. and jiang tian just took sheng wang's hand as they ran to their next class. //that was so beautiful. that was one of my favourite scenes in the trailer :(//

and it's just beautiful. when jiang tian asked, "when are you going to reopen?" and feed sheng wang that hawthorn candy... like this is a sign of them making truths.

and when jiang tian said, "don't be half-hearted with me," and sheng wang's instant reply, "from now on, I'll tell you only the truth," oh, God. oh, Lord. my heart was pounding.

something about sheng wang's smile. something about jiang tian's facial features softening. it breaks my heart. but in a good way. the string of fate connecting them right now feels so fragile but so beautiful and honest and pure. i hope it'll be that way for as long as the universe allows them to be happy—before another gush of wind interrupts—before more plans are written on pieces of tear-stained paper.

[marushou13]

me when i make randall with sand

[dremdragonfly]

Finally finished this piece of Ratiorine being happy. I imagine this happening after Penacony, cuz Aeons knows they deserve to be happy after what happened there.