#or belittled like their trauma doesn’t count or something

[bindeds]

hello pookie i heard you have lucifer head canons😏, can i plz see them 🥺

YES OF COURSE POOKIE!! <3<3<3 LMK IF YOU WANT ANY OTHER CHARACTERS’ HEADCANONS! tryna expand my fandoms as much as possible too so just try your luck if you’d like <33

࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ ᝪ LUCIFER HEADCANONS!

starting off lightly with his obsession with ducks; i personally like to believe that god had his favorite angels (or high ranking ones, aka seraphims, which lucifer is theorized to have been) had each of them make one animal from scratch to place in the garden of eden, and lucifer’s contribution was the ducks. he thought they were adorable!!

i’ve made a post about this before and i’m not sure if this counts as a luci headcanon but i strongly believe lilith was modeled after lucifer. if hazbin decided to go with the popular belief that lucifer was god’s favorite and that lucifer was god’s prettiest angel then it would make sense for god to have one of the first two people to be modeled after him. lilith is associated heavily with the color purple because of the morningstar’s formal family portrait, and lucifer has purple eyelids. lilith also has blonde hair like lucifer and is slicked back in the same exact way, even going as far to have hair curled around her cheeks/jaw like him. the only real difference is that luci has short hair.

lucifer makes himself small on purpose, and for trauma related reasons. before hazbin was created we all would imagine the devil as something big and scary with a demonic voice or as a hot human guy in some other games (ahem obey me) but lucifer in hazbin is the exact opposite. he’s literally smaller than most sinners. it’s worth remembering that lucifer can not only shape shift, but it’s also an essential part to who he is considering that’s how he approached eve, plus the apple motifs. if he can shape shift, he can definitely adjust his own height too. he was also short during his time in heaven and we know this from the first few minutes of the first episode when charlie was introducing the overall premise. the other angels who were talking down to him were visibly bigger than he is. it made me think that maybe because of how belittled he felt when he was in heaven, he had purposely made himself smaller. not to mention, being god’s favorite or the prettiest gets you targets on your back. and it doesn’t help that he has ideas or a mentality that heaven doesn’t like. and his decision to stay small only grew more intense when he found out how people saw him on earth—he didn’t want to be that guy. he absolutely hates the characterization humans have of him because it’s nothing like him. so when people see him and go ‘you’re much shorter in real life’ (alastor) it doesn’t faze him in the slightest. he wants you to react that way. or, he wants you to realize that, ‘huh, the devil is nothing like i thought he was.’ because that’s the truth. he’s not. and the best and most immediate way for people to see that is if he dresses in all white, a color known to signify innocence and purity which is the exact opposite of hell, and if he’s not physically intimidating at all, like if he was small. upon your first glance at him, you’ll already know the devil is not the man you think he is. and he wants everyone to know that.

i have a fic based off of this, but because humans started calling gambling and the games related to gambling ‘the devil’s game’ (though the original game is roulette, people have come to generalize gambling as a whole to be the devil’s game) he never loses when gambling or playing a game related to gambling, even for fun or when there are no stakes involved. never loses in blackjack, poker, roulette, tables games—any game related to gambling, he’ll always win.

i can’t entirely say if lucifer has had sinner friends, but i do believe that he acquired the hyperfixation of the carnival/circus aesthetic from sinners or humans. this is because his outfit was intended to look like AND inspired by a ringmaster’s, and carnivals and circuses was an elaborate concept made by humans. it could also be possible that lucifer was the one that planted that influence in humans, however it was stated that lucifer’s punishment was that he was never to see the good of humanity, only the bad. so i’d like to think a ringmaster or an acrobat or a circus performer in general died, ended up in hell, met lucifer and told lucifer about the circus, and then he got the idea of building luluworld in hell.

alternatively, if it was the other way around, i think that he occasionally gets to experience the world through being summoned. i mean, we’ve all heard of rituals to summon the devil and whatnot, right? i think those do summon him into earth and then instead of showing up he actually just leaves to go explore what’s been happening until he has to go/he feels he’s getting weaker/the people that summoned him ‘close the portal’ etc. and then that’s where he very sneakily, in his own way, introduces the circus concept to humans.

because of his personality, i don’t believe his ring is an indicator of his current marital status. i think lucifer is a sentimental person, and he doesn’t let go of things easily. it’s entirely possible that him and lilith are through, but he just doesn’t want to remove the ring. something we fail to consider is that lucifer isn’t like any other person; if he marries someone, divorce isn’t the same for him and lilith as it is for humans. hell, when they first got together, they were literally the first beings to be genuinely in love with each other. back when the garden of eden was still being inhabited with lilith and adam, the only beings in heaven would have been god and the angels. if lilith didn’t love adam but married and had a kid with luci, that means they were the first ever beings to have ever been in love and the first ones to have had sex (unless for some reason, lilith and adam did it which i highly doubt.) now, all this to say that we may live in a world where people break up or get divorced all the time, but this is reasonably a foreign concept to lucifer because he’s only ever been in heaven, then hell, and even if he observed it in hell it would have been very briefly and from a far, 3rd person perspective. if lilith and him were basically the first people to have felt such intense feelings and closeness to one another, it would make sense that divorce or not, he would keep the ring because it serves as a reminder of a time when he felt the happiest/alive/most himself/free.

lucifer has autism + adhd! now i know this one’s loaded (and ofc i have audhd too) but hear me out; these aren’t listed in any particular order but they’re what comes to me first to last. # ONE : when charlie was talking to him about the hotel for the whole walk till the roof, and then she asked what his thoughts were, he focused on the first thing that came to mind which was something that was right in front of him—the railing. then charlie had to remind him of her initial question. # TWO : he wasn’t paying attention even when he himself was speaking, thus the infamous ‘and now, i am going to fuck you!’ and when charlie corrects him, he goes ‘wait what did i say?’ # THREE : This may just be for ‘comedy’s sake’ but when mimzy first approached him he suddenly switched up from being completely uninterested to suddenly trying to seem interested, his eye even twitching when he turns to her while his smile is visibly awkward. this particular thing reminded me of autistic masking. like. there was something about it that made me relate to it deeply. and then after she’d greeted him he went ‘charmed i’m sure.’ and he looked more relaxed despite looking uncomfortable seconds ago. like he’d gotten ‘comfortable’ with the mask. # FOUR : i feel like i don’t have to mention this but obviously, the hyperfixations with ducks and the circus theme. i don’t think i need to say more because his room literally has tubs and heaps and piles of ducks. that is a full on hyperfixation, no doubt about it. # FIVE : when charlie had asked him to help her get another meeting with heaven, he said no and was very insistent on that. but the moment she’d blended in the invitation of having him over for the purpose of getting him to agree with her, everything else was forgotten. the only thing on his mind was, ‘my daughter wants to see me!’ and it shows with his, ‘WAIT. YOU’RE. INVITING ME OVER?!’ his brain latched onto that immediately, completely forgetting the fact that charlie had only invited him to have him do something he doesn’t want to do. now i have a few more things to support this theory but i feel like this is getting long so lmk if you want an independent post on lucifer’s audhd tendencies in the show!

[tiredyke]

people talk about traumatized/victimized men like they have a deeper understanding of trauma than women could ever achieve, like they’re just more introspective or capable of emotional depth. they give them the benefit of the doubt and room to talk and grieve that is never afforded to victimized women like have you guys even spoken to a woman and thought “this is an entire human person with complex thought” or are they all just stock characters to you

[frvnkcastles]

i see you write the traumatized girlies

🙋🏽‍♀️

i really like your write style, do you think you can write a retired!people pleaser reader where she is taking frank home to her manipulative family and he doesn’t understand what she is apprehensive about until seeing how bad they treat her maybe even try to get him to look her differently then he sticks up for her and takes her away and gives her reassurance that it wasn’t okay and that as long as he was around no one would treat her like that

THERE’S NO REMEDY ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You lean on Frank after a terrible night with your abusive parents.

Warnings: Mentions of emotional abuse, past trauma, implied C-PTSD, hurt/comfort

Word count: 1k

Author’s note: I’m so very sorry that it took me this long to get to this request! However today is PTSD Awareness Day and I really wanted to get something out in honor of that. This disorder really majorly sucks so I’m very proud of myself and all of you who are also struggling, because we’re doing our best in a shitty situation and managing. Treat yourself today <3

Also, I realized that it took me a long time to get to this because writing about the family dynamic turned out to be triggering so I kinda skipped that part and went straight to the comfort. I hope you like it regardless! :)

Red crescents littered your thigh as you dug your nails in, your teeth gnawing on your lip and your thoughts everywhere else except whatever Frank was telling you from his side of the car. You couldn’t help but zone out in complete anxiety that came in nauseating waves, your stomach churning uncomfortably as you tried to recover from the night behind you.

”Hey, you with me?” Frank’s voice only got through to you when he placed a hand on yours over your thigh, and looking back at him from the window decorated with raindrops, a guilty look crossed your eyes.

”Not really”, you swallowed. Frank nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything — simply squeezed your hand.

You had been together for a long, long while now. Yet he had never met your family; and for good reason, you had insisted. They had put you down for as long as you had been walking the Earth, and as soon as you had turned eighteen, you had packed up your things and left.

If only it had been that easy, though. Just because you moved out, you had been unable to cut them off. They were good at making you feel guilty and responsible like that. Years of therapy had helped you see your own worth and realize that the treatment you got from your family was far from okay or normal, but it seemed that whenever they called, you fell into old patterns.

You had tried your very best to keep Frank away from

them, though. You were embarrassed, and maybe even a little bit scared that it would be too much for him — or maybe, he’d realize they were right about you and he wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. You had thought it over a million times, considered every possible outcome, none of them comforting.

”You don’t owe me anythin’, sweetheart. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, then I believe ya”, Frank had assured every time the topic came up.

So how you had ended up in the car, with the navigation system telling Frank how to get to your parents’ house, you weren’t quite sure. A part of you had wanted to show off, let them see what a great guy you were sharing your life with now, but the closer you had gotten to your destination, the worse of an idea it had seemed. Your parents knew how to turn even the best situation into a toxic one, and they hadn’t hesitated to do the same tonight, too.

It had started as soon as you made it through the front door. The belittling, twisting your words, making you feel guilty for having your own life separate from your parents’. Not to mention the unabashed attempts to embarrass you and create doubt in Frank’s head — doubt that you were worth his time or the woman you had claimed to be in the first place.

You sniffled and hastily wiped your eyes with the back of your hand as all the pent-up emotion of the evening behind you finally broke through. Without a second’s hesitation, Frank was pulling over at the gas station right on your way, and shushing you gently as you brought your hands to your face and began sobbing.

”Why do I keep thinking it’ll be different? How stupid can I be?” you cried, your eyes blurry from the downpour of tears, your whole body trembling even as Frank reached from his side of the car with open arms.

”Baby, you ain’t stupid. Hear me? You’re not stupid. Everyone wants to see the good in their family. It ain’t your fault they’re just shitty”, he insisted, his hand caressing the back of your head while he tilted his head low to be on your level. A frown was etched onto his face as he watched you shake and cry, his own body filling with anger and regret that he hadn’t set clear boundaries with your family. Sure, he had taken you out of there as soon as he realized what was going on, but maybe there was more he could have done.

Hiccuping, you looked up at him with a wobbly lip. ”Do you—do you promise you’re not gonna leave me now?” you pleaded, and with his eyes softening at the genuine fear in your voice, Frank leaned in to kiss your temple.

”Sweetheart, why would I do that?” he questioned, sincere and gentle with you as his fingers continued stroking your hair.

”The—the things they were saying about me… you must regret being with me”, you pointed out, and before there was any room for debate, Frank cut in.

”I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with ya. I’m meant to be right here. They can talk all the bullshit they want, you’re everythin’ to me and that ain’t changin’”, he swore, dead-serious. As much was evident in his dark eyes, which were always full of love when he looked at you, but they were stern, too — he wasn’t messing around.

”Listen to me, aight?” Frank cleared his throat. ”The way they treated you… it is not okay. It’s not okay, got that? I will never do that to you. I promise. I’m never gonna take you for granted. As long as I’m here, you never have to feel that way again”, his gruff voice reassured you, and to seal the deal, he gently took your hand in his own and kissed it.

Sniffling, you nodded. ”Thank you, Frankie. That really means a lot”, you gave him a careful smile, and pulling you into a hug as well as he could from behind the wheel, he left another kiss on the top of your head.

”You tell me whenever they ask you to do shit for them, alright? I’m gonna help you cut them off. I know it ain’t easy but you deserve better. You don’t need ’em. Hell, you don’t need anyone, but you still got me, okay?” he insisted, and nodding again, you leaned in to kiss him tenderly. He returned the kiss deeply, both of you closing your eyes and resting your foreheads together while his thumb swiped across your cheeks to wipe your tears.

”Now, how about we get some greasy food to save the night and huddle up in front of the TV, huh? How’s that sound, sweetheart?” Frank suggested then, and with a new, reinforced smile, you kissed his cheek.

”Sounds perfect.”

[moonlightdancer26]

Controversial take: I don't think Snape's and Harry's childhood can compared. It's something that I have seen multiple people do and it's something that just doesn't work! It isn't fair for either of them.

Where both abused by their homes? Yes but that's pretty much where that comparison stops. Where Snape is poor Harry is rich, where Snape is not good looking unconventional attractive Harry is just plain "attractive" or average, where Harry received support Snape received further abuse and humiliation, and the list is going on! Of course there are similarities between the two, both played parts in the story that, I think, neither really wanted, the home life, Snape is brilliant... Harry has his moments!

And this isn't to say that either experience in home life is worst or better their are both equally shitty. We shouldn't play who-has-it-worst-Uno, but we equally shouldn't compare their experience, because through all of his tribulations in life Harry still had his friends to count on, Snape didn't.

I don’t either. Trauma shouldn’t be compared, and you shouldn’t pit how they coped against each other with the same ol’ “who doesn’t show any symptoms of abuse handled it better” and then disregard and belittle the other person’s trauma just because it wasn’t as bad. Harry’s trauma might be worse than Sev’s, Sev’s trauma might be worse than Harry’s, but at the end of the day, both of them went through awful shit, and said awful shit changed them both as people. Their traumas are both valid; someone who drowns in 8 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowned in 20 feet of water. 🤷‍♀️

And besides, the difference between the two of them is that Severus didn’t have support systems. Harry had Ron and Hermione, the Weasleys, Dumbledore (eh), and everyone else to count on (though some people did turn their backs on him at the worst time soo 😬). Severus did not. What about Lily? Well, she ended their friendship at the worst time, she was the last tiny ray of light left in his life. And boom, it was over like that. SWM practically soiled into his path into the dark side, making it almost completely unavoidable.

[I think the werewolf prank is what genuinely broke Severus—not only did it prove the leader of the Order (Dumbledore) didn’t give a flying fuck about his well-being, but it also showed that his bullies were actually capable of murder—but losing Lily was the final straw.]

You’re totally right, anon, it’s just so annoying seeing people try to compare abuse victims’ trauma based on how much it affected them and actually believe they’re making a reasonable argument. If this is how these people treat fictional victims of abuse, then I really, really do not want to know how they treat real people.

[burned-lariat]

Sure, I would like to know the reasons why regarding jex

Putting aside the more "nitpicky" details of why I dislike them (age gap, lack of chem, etc), I can sum it up in three big reasons: their dynamic, their "big" moments, and their personalities.

Dynamic

I have never been a fan of good girl/bad boy pairs because, more often than not, the bad boy is an abusive tool dressed up as romantic and soulful. Now, while that is the trope at play here, Dex is not even close to being that kind of bad boy (I'd argue that, with his current writing, he isn't a "bad boy" at all). So trope-wise, not really a fan.

But when I say dynamic, I mean the "conflict." It's forced. Joss hates Sonny, and she hates the mob as an extension, while Dex works for Sonny. On its face, that can work. But we know Dex is a plant for Michael and also hates Sonny, so instead, the conflict is now Dex lying to Joss about who he actually works for while everyone tells him to stay away from her because reasons. What kind of conflict is that? He has to lie about something she likely would approve of anyway? He needs to stay away to protect Michael's ego? Where's the drama in that?

"Big" Moments

Let's be honest here - Joss likes Dex because he's hot. Their first two interactions showed her being genuinely against his behavior, what with beating Felty and threatening the foreman. But the second Joss saw him shirtless at the pool? Her mind changed real fast. And everything progressed from there. It’s been made nakedly obvious she’s physically attracted to him, and the show is trying to blow that up to be deeper than what it is. Then you have the dumpster diving scene. It’s been thoroughly dragged by the fandom, so not much else to say about it. Contrived as all get-out...much like a lot of their moments.

Then we come to a big crux of the problem: the Dex “trauma porn.” We watched him get kidnapped, hung on a hook in the Pozzulo’s freezer a la AJ Quartermaine, beaten and soaked with water (which can cause hypothermia). Joss and Michael came to save him, which was fine, but what wasn’t fine was her yelling at Dex because, he as the victim, didn’t want the PCPD involved. Then you have Dex getting shot helping Anna escape, and he stumbles onto the Quartermaine property, where Joss happens to be. 

She poorly stitches his wound, then takes him to her dorm when they pop. He develops a fever and infection, and she adamantly refuses to let him call Sonny on his phone when Sonny is the one person who could get him genuine help. Eventually, Carly gets involved and gives him antibiotics to break his 104-degree fever, and Dex manages to escape death. I’m being succinct with the whole gunshot fiasco, because in reality, it’s much worse than what I’m letting on. He gives this whole spiel about her being a warrior angel while delirious and dying from an infection she technically caused, and once he’s better, he kisses her. If that doesn’t spell “bad,” Idk what will. 

And then they kiss again. He initiates it, she kisses back, and then we get smacked with flashbacks of it. And that’s where we are now. Overall, their moments are either contrived, hinged on trauma porn, or both. It’s not organic and the fact that Dex has to constantly be subjected to something spells a major problem. 

Personality

Idk about you, but I would not find a couple whose communication is one negging the other “cute.” It’s not banter. I get Joss is opinionated and not afraid to express herself, but the language she uses and the tone she puts on screams more condescending than earnest. Once again, I don’t count her confronting Dex over Felty or the foreman because that doesn’t add to the romance.

A lot of her negging is based in her hate of Sonny. She constantly vocalizes her dislike of him to Dex, and then negs Dex for working for him. Idk what it is, but Joss’s first move is to hurt the person she feels inconvenienced by. When Dex didn’t want the cops involved after the torture, Joss belittles him. She somehow finds his apartment (which is why some of us have called her behavior “stalking”) and continues to belittle him over it, and tries to guilt-trip him with how she went out of her way to save him and to think of the “unlucky” guys that worked for Sonny. He doesn’t bite and she figuratively spits at him.

Next is the gunshot wound. He tells her to leave so he can stitch himself up, which he can probably do, but she insists that she does it for some reason. Then once he’s in her dorm room, her control issues jump out. When he loses his phone, he asks to use her so he can call Sonny. She adamantly refuses but grants him an email from her laptop, where there is a chance Sonny won’t see it. She puts the onus on herself to “take care” of Dex, but he literally almost dies under her care. She was too proud to let him call Sonny and get real help, and it’s only thanks to Carly that he pulled through. That is disturbing behavior from such a young girl.

She belittles Dex for his personal choices, stalked him, and played God with his life. And this show has been doing so much to make them a “supercouple” (what with the actors/staff working overtime to promote them) when they have barely bonded genuinely, Joss admitted to disliking a lot about him anyway, and Dex suffering a lot as a result. 

[vvh0adie]

can i just say that any writing done for free on the internet is not up for professional publishing critique

my thing is: unless i go on your blog and see the content you reblog/make pertains to some nasty heinous shit

(incest/race play/pedophilia/beastiality; meaning this is who you are as a legit person and you actively promote it in positivity)

then i go check your masterlist and its sewn into the fabric of your fics, imma side eye you, report, and block.

but lets be honest i would hope ppl just report/block during the first scroll cuz i don’t know why we’d want those type of people on tumblr anyway. tho we’re not here to discuss that further and definitely not another time. if you know you’re into the shit i listed above FOR REAL, get the fuck off my blog and play in traffic.

but if someone writes something you don’t like or if you think their writing isn’t up to gramatical/literary standard, don’t get in the fucking comments or asks to tell us that. we do this shit for fun. this isn’t fucking goodreads.

ALSO DONT REBLOG FICS YOU DIDNT ENJOY AND RATE THEM AND LEAVE BAD REVIEWS IN THE FUCKING POST. WE CAN SEE THAT SHIT!!! THIS GOES FOR TUMBLR, AO3, AND ANYWHERE ELSE THAT HOST NON-PROFIT FICTION WORKS.

(and no kofi and patreon don’t count as profit, if an author explicitly tells you that you will have access to their wips and early access to fanfiction that will eventually go onto tumblr or ao3. you already knew to expect some hobbyists writing. and you need to know from reading the already free content on their blog, that you like their writing well enough to invest in it. it doesn’t make sense to pay for something you KNEW you already hated. if it just so happens that you’re author sets a standard above what you consider fanfiction writing and it feels more professional, then lucky you…… it’s still not up for critique. that’s just means someone took their craft “serious enough”)

i also see you bitches who put ACTUAL FICS INTO GOODREADS! HAVE YOU LOST YO DAMN MIND CUZ LEMME HELP YOU FIND IT QUICKER THAN MOSES PARTED THE SEA!

when people come to your fic recs, they are most likely not looking for bad fics AT ALL, they’re hoping you’ve done your due diligence in curating a collection of fics you deem amazing so they DONT have to sift thru “bad” fics. you making more work for yourself and other readers.

but some of y’all love to be negative and get wet from twiddling your thumbs on this keyboard to spew unnecessary or productive “criticism”. unless we asks or have a link to a feedback box/google forms, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

social platforms besides goodreads are not here to help reader experience. goodreads is the place to leave reviews for BOOK YOU EITHER PAYED FOR OR THE AUTHOR HAS PROFESSIONALLY PUBLISHED FOR WIDER CONSUMPTION.

i love goodreads too and criticism of books I FIND AT BARNES AND NOBLES😁… because i’m able to avoid things like bad grammar, bad literary skills, poc and queer trauma porn, and other shit i don’t wanna be exposed to.

what i do think is valid, is asking a fic writer to tag properly. i’ve read shit and been blindsided cuz “dead dove” tags weren’t added. i’ve even asked and they’ve made it a point to belittle me. i thought it was a good fic in terms of plot but i wanted to be able to blacklist those words for if they wrote more content. but they completely turned me off due to how they responded so i just never wanted to read more of their work.

i didn’t harass them because frankly it had content i didn’t like (not anything that would make me question their overall morality, unless you count the not tagging, but that’s a bit much). instead i just blocked them and moved on.

there have been times where the grammar in a fic was really bad, the formatting of a fic had huge gaps that made reading difficult, or they didn’t put a cut on their fic. i didn’t contact them, i just blocked them.

so for the love of baby jesus, just block. only when you feel that something DETRIMENTAL is being posted like WHITE SUPREMACIST MANIFESTO or SOCIALLY TABOO type shit is being PROMOTED (they need to actually believe in this shit) in someone’s writing and has built a following of like-minded people, then really the troops so we can deal with it.

but bad grammar or that yandere fics with non-con in is not something to be harassing people over.

(some folks writing language is not their first so they’re learning thru writing or they’re a native speaker who still messes up/has a disability and just because some likes to write/read dark fics doesn’t mean they advocate such acts. plus while it may not be the healthiest, it’s some people’s coping mechanisms and i can’t blame them cuz a good therapist is hard to find and even harder to pay for —at least in the US)

so go read shit you actually like. and if you just so feeeeel it in yo spirit to rate some fics and leave bad reviews download Calibre Library and have at it. it is only seen by you and on your computer. so make that your lil hate diary or whateva🙄

anyway duces. i just had to say a lil sumn cuz i saw one of y’all attacking the homies. i love my moots and i miss the ones that left becuz of the bullshit💜💜💜

also if anyone thinks i left something out or wants to correct something feel free to tag me or reblog💖

[mandoalorian]

I Believe In Love [Maxwell Lord x F!Reader] — One: Direction

Summary: When you find your calling to leave Themyscira, you venture out to the World of Man with intentions of helping and healing a very specific person's relationship with his son. You've heard his voice before, but only in dreams. You've felt his pain and anguish and you've never been able to relate to anything more. But things don't come easy for you, and they certainly don't come easy for him either. [This series contains spoilers for WW84 and is my interpretation of what happens after the movie ends].

Taglists (let me know if you wish to be added!)—

Permanent: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth

I Believe In Love: @mrschiltoncat @thebloodrobin @greatvaluedazzler @bxxbxy @marydjarin @the-feckless-wonder @typicalnerd98 @biharryjames @thwiso

Rating: 15+

Word count: 4,700>

Masterlist

Previous - One - Next

"I wish to travel to the world of man," you announced with a deep breath and a confident smile. Hippolyta looked at you and laughed. Her Amazonian guards copied the actions of their queen and burst into a fit of giggles that made you feel like a silly small child.

"And where has this outburst come from?" Hippolyta asked with a quirked eyebrow as she folded her arms across her chest. The laughing slowly quietened down as she waited for a response.

"I've been having these dreams," you began to explain hesitantly. Hippolyta leaned forward in her throne and looked at you quizzically, making a small gesture with her hand that urged you to continue. "I've been seeing death and destruction, I've been watching the world of man crumble…"

"You want to travel to a collapsing society? Don't be foolish, that doesn't sound safe. Why leave the beautiful walls of Themyscira to travel to the world of man?" You had heard stories about the world of man and how it was filled with greed and corruption. Themyscira was peaceful. It wasn't that you wanted to leave, it was that you knew deep in your heart that your time had come.

Hippolyta was right. You looked around the palace that you had stepped foot in, the marble floor under your toes and the gold intricate details that patterned across the walls. "You let Diana." you mumbled under your breath, turning away from the queen and beginning to walk towards the double doors that you had entered through, ready to leave the palace.

"What was that?" Hippolyta asked, rising to her feet. You opened your mouth to answer but an excruciating pain shot through your head— and that's when you heard him. You heard his voice again. His pain. It wasn't just in your dreams anymore… you could feel him like he was there, with you, like he was part of you. You screamed and fell to your knees as tears spilled from your eyes, your fingers clenching into a fist so hard your knuckles turned white. The pain was so intense and you heard his words over and over again. Hippolyta ran over to you, sinking down to your level and cradling your weeping body in her arms. She called your name. "What is it?"

"He's calling for me," you choked back a sob. "The world of man is in grave danger."

"From who?" Hippolyta questioned, wiping your tears away as you tried to regulate your own erratic breathing.

"I don't know, but I must help." you gasped. "I must help him. Please allow me to go." you grabbed Hippolyta's arms and looked at her with pleading eyes. "You allowed Diana."

"Diana was a fighter, our best one," Hippolyta said slowly, shaking her head at the memory of her daughter. "You are not a fighter." She said the four words matter of factory but her denial made your anger rifle through your body.

"Maybe I can win this without fighting," you sobbed. "Yes, I have no training. I do not use a sword or a shield, but my mother taught me that battles can be won if we just use our heart. If we love." you felt like you were begging as you recalled Hestia's words to you. Your Themysciran tribe were of a peaceful nature, and although small, your leader, Aphrodite, preached about the power of love.

"Olympus and Eurydice loved and what happened to them?" Hippolyta scolded, her question rhetorical. You recalled the story in the back of your mind and winced, knowing their fate. "We are Amazonians. If the world of men needs saving, then Diana will save them. Go home my child, I forbid you from leaving Themyscira."

Your heart broke. You couldn't believe that Hippolyta was confining you to the walls of Themyscira. She didn't understand. She couldn't understand. It was only once in a turn of centuries did an Amazonian connect with someone from the outside world— and now, you had. You had made that connection, but Hippolyta forbade you from acting upon it. You composed yourself as you stormed out of the palace and hurried down the stone steps. Tightening the buckles on your gladiator sandals, you wiped your furious tears away and took a deep breath as the anger consumed you.

It wasn't fair. You had spent your childhood studying the world of man, learning about them and their ways. Nobody had cared more about helping others than you. Your desire to care for those around you came from your very own purpose. When Zeus sculpted you in his own image, he made you goddess of home and hearth. He gave you your abilities for a reason. Amazonian's outside your tribe shamed you for your kind and compassionate heart— telling you it was a weakness more than a strength. They belittled you and made you feel unworthy. As you remembered your childhood trauma, you pulled out your hair from your tiara. You lived on Themyscira your whole life but it never truly felt like home. You always craved for something more.

You ran home. You ran as fast as your feet could carry you, letting your tears fall and your screams of anguish echo through the Themsycrian forests. It wasn't fair. What did Hippolyta expect you to do? Deal with this for the rest of your life. How could you not help the man who's pain was destroying his very soul? The Gods had connected you and him for a reason. You had to go. You had to.

As soon as you arrived home you broke down. Your mother heard your cries and found you in the garden, picking at the native Themysciran flowers as your salty tears dropped on the lilac coloured petals. "Hippolyta denied your request?" Hestia asked, sitting on the wall next to you. You nodded sadly. "Sweet child, tell me more about these dreams. About this...man."

You didn't see the point now that you knew you wouldn't be able to leave Themyscira. But Hestia was your mother and you loved her dearly, and so you took a shaky exhale and done your very best to explain. "It feels like I've known him forever, like he's always been a part of me," you admitted. "But— I don't even know his name." you shrugged helplessly and cracked a small smile, listening to how pathetic you must've sounded. Maybe Hippolyta had a point. "I don't even know how he looks. Even if I did venture to the world of man, how could I possibly find him?"

Hestia sighed, unclipping her lasso from her tunic and wrapping it carefully around your wrist. You looked up at your mother, your eyes comically wide as the lasso glowed yellow. "Close your eyes, my child," Hestia whispered. "See him. See the truth."

You closed your eyes and let your soul space away as the lasso transported your mind to elsewhere. To him— the man of your dreams.

"Alistair?" Maxwell cleared his throat, his son's head snapping in the direction of his father. "That was your mother. She wants you home." Maxwell pointed aimlessly back at the telephone.

"But daddy, you promised the whole weekend together!" Alistair's eyes began to well up with tears. Maxwell ran to his son's side, his heart aching at the sight of disappointment and he pulled Alistair into his chest.

"I know, and I will keep my word," he hushed Alistair, smoothing out his hair. "Don't worry." Alistair nuzzled his face into Maxwell's dress shirt, sniffing in fear of losing his father again. There was a few beats of silence as Maxwell's brain ticked like clockwork, trying to work out what his ex wife's intentions were. "Does your mother… does she ever talk about me?" Maxwell asked hesitantly, unsure if he was about to regret the question.

"I hear her, sometimes. I hear her talk about you to Ted," Alistair admitted, referencing his mother's new boyfriend. Maxwell hummed, still stroking his son's hair. He wondered whether or not he should ask Alistair what exactly she said, but decided against it, not wanting to hurt his son anymore than he already had. He knew that Juliana had nothing good to say about Maxwell.

"Ted? I thought he liked to be called Theodore," Maxwell chuckled, rolling his eyes and Alistair giggled back. Max and Alistair would often joke about how pretentious Ted could be.

"Well now he wants me to call him dad," Alistair sighed, too young to understand the implications of that revelation. Maxwell's heart broke. Of course Juliana wanted her son to call her new boyfriend 'dad'. She got Alistair on the weekdays and Maxwell got him on the weekends, it was more than likely he saw Ted more than he saw Max, and Max knew for certain that Juliana's hatred was fueled further with his every breath. The prolonged silence urged Alistair to speak up. "But I told mom I won't."

"You did?" Maxwell smiled sadly. "Why?"

"Because you're my dad!" Alistair grinned. "And you'll always be my dad, no matter what."

Maxwell couldn't bring himself to reply. His stomach twisted into knots as he thought about Julianna's words over the phone. "You do not deserve him. I don't want you anywhere near my son ever again."

He knew the level of determination his ex wife possessed and if this meant she wanted sole custody of Alistair then Maxwell knew there would be very little that would stop her. He had messed up bad this time. Alistair felt tiny in Max's arms, but Max knew his son's heart was huge and filled with unconditional love. But the worry and guilt consumed him. How could Max possibly fight and win this case— after everything that had happened? He didn't even have the money for good lawyers. Maxwell whispered an incoherent 'I love you' into the crook of Alistair's neck, his shutting as a tear slipped down his cheek.

Your own eyes snapped open, your chest heaving and panting as the lasso of truth unravelled itself from your wrist. "What did you see?" Hestia asked, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Did you see the man of your dreams?"

You tried to process everything. "I didn't see him," you whispered feeling defeated. "But I heard his voice. And I learned his name. He's a father and he's afraid of losing his son," you explained, taking in everything you had learned. "And his son is afraid of losing his father."

"When you awoke last night, what did you hear?" Hestia asked.

"He was crying. He said he renounced his wish. I've been struggling to understand what exactly that means but…" you closed your eyes, remembering the dream like it was a perfect painting illustrating the patterns of your memory.

Hestia smiled wearily. "I always prayed to the Gods that you would not be chosen. My dear child, I love you so much, but it's clear that this man needs your help. You're the goddess of home and hearth, and Zeus blessed you with the ability to bring families together and that is your purpose. To live a life without serving your purpose— who would you be?"

"It doesn't matter," you sighed sadly, rubbing your eyes. "Hippolyta won't allow me to leave." you reminded your mother.

"I can help you leave Themyscira," Hestia cupped the side of your face with your hand, her thumb brushing over the height of your cheekbone. "But if you are to help this man there is something you must know."

"What is it?" you asked your mother, your eyes beckoning for answers.

"There were once two brothers; Romulus and Dolos. Their entities combined were a force of pure evil, but the brothers left Olympus to go to the world of man. When they left, Zeus gave them two magical citrine stones, and the brothers practiced their powers on the stones. Dolos went to a place called Greece, where Romulus travelled to Italy and built the city of Rome. Not much is known about the stones, but now, only one remains. We don't know which one or where it is, but it's dangerous."

"Why are you telling me this?" you furrowed your eyebrows together in bewilderment.

"The stones are indestructible, unless the power of the stone is harnessed by a person themselves. Then, the entity of the stone vanishes but the power lives in the person. The power of wish granting. If he has renounced his wish, that means…"

"...he's had a wish granted," you clicked on to what your mother was saying. "How do I find out which stone has been destroyed?"

"You need to find the man of your dreams and ask him who granted his wish," Hestia explained. "You must destroy the final dreamstone."

"But why?" You quizzed, your shoulders falling limp as you took in this abundance of information.

"Because Romulus and Dolos are the God of Lies." Hestia whispered, her hands falling from your shoulders as she clipped the lasso back to her tunic.

Your heart sank into your chest as the revelation hit you. "The God of Lies?" you repeated.

"If you go to the world of man then your purpose must be more than just helping this man and his son," Hestia told you. "You must find the final dreamstone and destroy it."

"How can I destroy the God of Lies?" you shook your head furiously. "No, nuh-uh, not happening. I can't even fight. I don't have any weapons— never trained. I can't do it. I can't." you scowled, standing up and brushing down your Amazonian dress, turning away from your mother. You felt her hand grab your shoulder.

"Remember what I taught you, my child. Battles can be won through the power of love," Hestia smiled. "If I didn't think you were worthy, then I wouldn't be allowing my only daughter to travel to the world of man. But I am because I believe in you. And I believe in love."

***

Maxwell couldn't focus on the video game anymore, shuffling around uncomfortably at the mere thought that Juliana and Ted could be on their way to collect Alistair for themselves. "Hey, how about we get some fresh air?" Maxwell asked, nudging Alistair playfully. "I think there are still some 4th of July celebrations happening in the park."

Alistair grinned ecstatically. "Really daddy? We haven't been to the park since… since… you were still with mommy!"

Maxwell scrunched up his nose and brushed off his sons comment. "Go grab your coat, okay?" he urged and Alistair bolted out the living room and into his bedroom.

Maxwell caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. No amount of biotin was going to rid the dark circles from under his eyes. At least he had his health restored, but he hadn't thought of the implications of utilizing the government's multinational broadcasting service.

Every single citizen of the world had seen Maxwell. Knew him by name, by face. Maxwell had no idea how people were going to react upon seeing him again. He contemplated a disguise, but figured the best he could do was roll up his shirt sleeves to his elbows and brush out any hair product from his dark blonde locks. At least he wasn't wearing his signature tailored suit and ties. On the surface, he could just be mistaken for an ordinary guy. Maxwell Lord had never wanted to blend into society this much in his life.

The memory of how power corrupt he had become before Diana had saved him struck his heart like a dagger of guilt. But he couldn't regret. He had to think forward and think to the future if he wanted to change his errors.

Maxwell jumped when Alistair took hold of his father's hand and pulled him to the door. "Hey, let me help you zip your coat up." Maxwell smiled, kneeling down and making sure Alistair would be warm enough.

By the time they arrived at the park, it was as if nothing had happened. It was like the world had returned back to the way it was before all the death and destruction. Children squealed merrily as they played on the swing sets, families sat on the grassy fields eating picnics and vendors were serving hot dogs, burgers and cotton candy.

"Why don't you go play with the kids over there?" Maxwell pointed towards a group of children standing by the slide. "Daddy just needs a moment to himself, but then I'll come play. I promise." Max kissed Alistair on the forehead and Alistair nodded understandingly before racing off into the playpark.

Maxwell scratched the back of his head and took in the cool Summer air as evening began to dawn. He looked around at the happy families and figured it was something he could get used to. He imagined living a peaceful life outside of the spotlight. No fame, no money, just him and Alistair. But things didn't come easy for Maxwell Lord.

You woke up in a muddy puddle under a tree, groaning as the brown dirt stuck to your arms and legs. You looked down at your dress and tunic, thankful that the leather material could be washed easily. You smelt something unfamiliar yet distinct, your nostrils twitching as the scent of burgers and hotdogs from the vending vans engulfed you.

The screams of children alerted you and you looked over at the playpark, watching intently as the kids laughed and danced around. There wasn't many children back on Themyscira, but being the goddess of home and hearth; it filled your heart with joy and happiness.

You slowly walked over to the playpark, looking around at your awe inspiring surroundings. So this was the world of man? You beamed upon seeing the swans in the duck pond and the beautiful flowers that grew around the stone path you walked upon.

It was mesmerising, but your delight was cut short when you heard a thud followed by a child's cry. You looked over to see that, not too far away, a group of children had pushed a young boy to the ground. The boy fumbled to get to his feet but the children circled around him, pointing and calling him names. You walked over to the crowd of children and placed your hands on your hips. "Excuse me?" you called out and watched as the kids stiffened up and their circle disbanded. They ran away, shooting you a strange look before you could even say anything else. You extended your arm and helped the little boy to his feet. "Are you okay?" you asked, kneeling down to mirror his short height. The boy nodded sadly, his dark eyes glazed with tears. "What's your name?"

"Alistair." the boy mumbled, his cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

"That's a beautiful name," you gleamed before introducing yourself. Alistair smiled at the compliment.

"I like your costume," he pointed excitedly. "Are you a princess?" he pointed at your tiara which held back your hair.

"Something like that," you shrugged with a small laugh. "Are you here alone?"

"No, I came with my daddy." Alistair informed you, looking around as he tried to locate his father. Your gaze followed his and you watched the young child begin to panic as he couldn't find him anywhere.

"You can't see him?" you asked with an empathetic frown. Alistair burst into tears, holding his head in his hands. "Hey don't cry!" You pulled the child into you and hugged him tightly. "He won't be far. Come on, let me help you look for him."

"He-, he always leaves," Alistair sobbed and your eyes widened slightly. "But this time- this time he promised. No more leaving."

"You must believe in your father, okay?" you whispered, pulling Alistair's hands away from his face and wiping his tears. "Tell me, what does he look like?"

Alistair sniffed and grabbed onto your hand for support. "Strong," Alistair smiled. "Really really cool. Best dad in the world." you chuckled at Alistar's words, and how he had described his father's personality rather than his physical appearance.

"Do you remember what he was wearing?" you quizzed as you and Alistair exited the playpark and back down the stone path.

"Umm, a white shirt and grey pants," Alistair recalled. "He's on the television sometimes."

You furrowed your eyebrows together. "Television?" you asked curiously and Alistair nodded before gasping.

"Look! There he is!" Alistair screamed, pointing across the road into a store window, at a man with golden coloured hair and chocolate brown eyes. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you took in his appearance. The man shook his fists and nodded his head, grinning enthusiastically.

"That man on the screen over there?" you tilted your head as Allistair squeezed your hand and dragged you out of the park, across the road, and over to the shop.

"Yep, that's daddy!"

"Welcome to the future, life is good, but it can be better. And why shouldn't it be? Everything you've ever dreamed of is right at our fingertips. But are you reaping the awards? Do you have it all? Welcome to Black Gold Cooperative, the first oil company run for the people, by the people. Think about finally having everything you've always wished for. For a low monthly fee, you can own a piece of the most lucrative industry in the world. And everytime we strike gold, you strike gold! No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you deserve to have it all. Do you have everything you've always wanted? Aren't you tired of wishing you had more? Join me today. You don't need a pile of money or some business degree to get started. You don't even have to work hard for it. At Black Gold Cooperative all you need is to want it."

You were so hypnotized by the man's business scheme, you didn't even notice Alistair disappear. Your eyes widened as you looked around, desperately trying to find him. You called his name a few times, hoping he wasn't far.

Maxwell tugged on Alistair's arm and dragged him around a corner. "What are you doing?" Max hissed and Alistair looked away from his father nervously. "You don't talk to strangers, do you understand me?"

"I couldn't find you in the park, she was helping me look for you." Alistair explained, his voice timid.

"So why were you out of the park, huh? Standing outside a television store watching one of my-" Maxwell sighed. "-one of my infomercials?"

"I wanted to show her what you looked like," Alistair frowned. "I'm sorry daddy."

Maxwell leaned down and kissed his son's forehead. "It's okay, just please don't do that again, alright? This world is full of bad, dangerous people. You need to be careful." Maxwell said and Alistair nodded his head. Max slid his hand into Alistair's and walked him back into the park. "So, who was that woman anyway?" Maxwell asked, quirking his eyebrow.

Maxwell had barely managed to get a glimpse of you, but if your short warrior tunic was anything to go off, he figured you were someone hired to be in costume for one of the 4th of July celebrations. He didn't see your face, only the back of your head, but in the split second he saw you, he admired the way your hair gleamed under the amber setting sunlight and the shape of your body, how your dress sculpted it perfectly. He shook away the thoughts, reaching into his pocket and taking out his wallet as he approached an ice cream vendor.

"She was nice," Alistair smiled as he looked at the ice cream menu painting on the side of the van. "She told me she was a princess and she helped me." Alistair recalled the way his bullies ran away when you had come over.

"Helped you how?" Maxwell quizzed, pulling out a few dollar bills.

Alistair stiffened up, not wanting to tell his father about the bullies. He was afraid Max would be ashamed of him for not sticking up for himself. "Can I get a raspberry sundae?" Alistair asked his dad, brushing off his initial question. Maxwell nodded his head and slid the cash over to the vendor who began to prepare the ice cream.

"Hey, I'm looking for my friend Alistair?" you were asking plenty of people wandering the streets of DC the same question. "Do you know where Alistair is?"

Some people would reply with, "Alistair who?", but most people would look you up and down with disdain and hurry away. You wondered why nobody else was dressed like you, and why nobody knew who Alistair was. Back on Themyscira, everyone had their own individual, unique name and everyone knew who everyone was. You frowned. It clearly wasn't like that in the world of man. You needed a different tactic. You thought back to Alistair's description of his father and tried to remember the words he spoke on the television. "Welcome to Black Gold Cooperative."

"Do you know where Black Gold Cooperative is?" you asked an aging lady who was walking along the sidewalk.

She, like everyone else, looked you up and down in bewilderment. "The headquarters?" she asked. "East Avenue, about a ten minute walk away."

"Which direction?" you prodded further.

The woman blinked. "East." she repeated.

"Thank you." you smiled, curtseying politely before setting off to find this mysterious place that the man on the television spoke so highly of. If he was really Alistair's father, then maybe you could find Alistair there and ensure his safety. That's what really mattered.

You found it difficult to walk in your gladiator sandals, and the quality of the air made leather tunic chafe against your thighs. Nevertheless, you preserved, ignoring all the sky comments that were being made by passers by regarding your appearance.

Finally, you found yourself standing outside Black Gold Cooperative headquarters; the large building looming over you as a cold shadow hung above your head. Attempting to go through the revolving doors proved to be a challenge in itself, as there was no such creation back on Themyscira. After a few attempts of trying to push through you finally found yourself in the deserted lobby. "Welcome to the future," your head snapped up to the television on the wall, where the same infomercial you had seen in the store window was playing in the reception area. "Life is good, but it can be better."

You slid behind the main desk and placed your hand on the television screen, allowing your fingers to trace the man's face. It was that same charming smile and honeyed brown eyes you remembered. His hair was golden and styled perfectly, curling at the nape of his neck, like a fairytale prince you had read about in the storybooks of your youth. He was fitted in colourful patterned suits which accentuated his broad shoulders and every word glided off his tongue so sweetly. That's when it hit you— his voice. That was the feature that had attracted you to him. It was what brought you to him. It was the voice you had dreamt of, the voice you had heard over and over again. The voice that had brought you to the world of men. It was fate that had brought you to Alistair, something that could've only been written by the Gods. That man was the first man you had ever seen, and my oh my, he was something else.

[universallywriting]

Angry Steven Essay 1 - Ignoring Your Kids and the Consequences

A lot of people have been wondering why Steven is so angry, and where their sweet baby boy has gone, and I think people are struggling because they don’t understand how little they respected Steven before.

Because I don’t think that Steven has undergone a huge character shift. Admittedly, he’s angry more frequently now, but I don’t think his anger is bigger or more intense or any worse than it’s been at other points in the series. Steven’s feelings haven’t gotten bigger…

But Steven has.

I counted up all the times Steven gets angry in the series, being fairly charitable and not counting more minor moments of annoyance of frustration. I’ve got about 21 moments out of 160 episodes for the original series. Granted, that’s only once every seven episodes, but it’s not insignificant. The idea that Steven never gets angry is factually wrong. 

We see his temper the first time in Steven the Swordfighter, and it’s not a very wholesome look at the boy. He’s frustrated because Pearl is gone and Holo-Pearl isn’t a good replacement. And, already, I bet you’re starting to tune out a little. Because Steven’s being a stupid little kid, isn’t he? Pearl’s coming back. He’s just throwing a tantrum.

Tantrum is the word we give to anger and sadness we don’t respect. It’s a word we use to belittle and ignore children, even when their feelings are justified.

We see something similar in Rose’s Room. He screams at the gems because they ruin the ending of his video game. And, sure that’s a bummer Steven, but it’s just a game. There’s a big space opera out there, so why are you so worried about this? And yeah, you got mad that Greg lied to you in House Guest, but he just wanted to spend time with you. It’s a cute father/son moment, really. Steven is angry, sure, but it’s just kind of pitiful, isn’t it? Poor silly kid. He’s wrapped up in his little concerns when the world is so big and scary.

But you were on his side in Warp Tour. Because he’s right this time, so it’s not a tantrum. And you’re mad at the gems because they’re treating it as a tantrum. But here’s the thing - the gems should never treat him this way. Because so far? Every single one of Steven’s fears and struggles are valid and worthy of respect. Steven isn’t pitching a fit because they brought him a scarlet firetruck and he wanted a cherry firetruck. He’s hurt. That deserves respect and attention and apologies.

In Steven the Swordfighter, he’s struggling because one of his guardians is really hurt. Not only that, but she’s hurt in a way that she can’t talk to him, can’t let him know it’s going to be okay, and in her place is the thing that hurt her. You’ll also note that Amethyst and Garnet are conspicuously absent during all of this, because apparently the boy doesn’t need comfort and care after watching Bird Mom get wasted and spending days hovering over her unhatched egg. Steven is going through all this grief and fear alone.

In Rose’s Room, Steven is denied his chance to spend time with the gems after they promised. They don’t respect or value Steven’s time. Why would they? He’s a child. And clearly he proves his time is worthless by putting so much value in his silly video game he interrupted. What’s the ending of your stupid golf game matter when the plot it rolling along, Steven? Big, important adult things are here. Drop what you’re doing. Ignore your interests. What the gems are doing is more valuable than what you’re doing every single time.

This is a general trend. Warp Tour is the perfect encapsulation of the problem, because it’s finally important enough that Steven fights to be heard. The first thing to remember about this episode is that we, the audience, are placed on Steven’s side because we’ve seen what Steven has seen. We know he’s right. The gems, however, believe what Steven is saying to be impossible. From their perspective, Steven is saying that a masked man broke down their door last night. Be honest - if you knew a kid making that claim and the door was fine, are you going to take it seriously?

The problem in Warp Tour is not that the gems don’t believe him. It’s reasonable not to. The problem is the way they react to it. Amethyst groans and complains about how long it’s taking to make Steven feel better, making him feel like a burden. Pearl aggressively confronts him with evidence, treating him like they’re in a debate and he needs to be proven wrong. That makes him feel stupid, belittled and ignored. Garnet says that it’s important to make Steven feel secure, but even that is condescending and quietly insists that Steven is being irrational.

Even at the end, Garnet is the only one who even slightly makes amends, saying she should have listened to him while also not apologizing. Pearl and Amethyst don’t make amends at all. But do you know who does say sorry four times? Steven. Steven has been taught and continues to be taught that his feelings are secondary. The things in his life that are important aren’t really important compared to the serious grown up issues. 

The lack of apologies are consistent. In Keystone Motel, Ruby and Sapphire realize Steven is upset and make up with each other, but don’t make up with Steven. Don’t apologize to Steven. In Maximum Capacity, Amethyst never apologizes to Steven for shapeshifting into his dead mom. (Which, always and forever - What the hell, Ame?)

The gems brushed off these feelings and due to that, I think a lot of the audience did too. But the gems do occasionally ask Steven what’s wrong, and he shuts them down.

So why does he do that? Why doesn’t he work it out? Because they spent his entire life ignoring his problems, disregarding his fears, not knowing what’s important to him. I’ve seen a lot of talk about Gemcation and how the stuff with Connie was Steven repressing his trauma over space and… no. It’s not. It’s really, really not. It’s yet another example of how the gems (and the fandom) ignore the things that matter to Steven in favor of what they think he should care about, and it comes down to this one extremely painful moment.

Garnet: Steven, I know what’s troubling you.

Steven: You do? (huge relieved smile) Gosh. I really messed up, didn’t I?

He’s so, so excited for someone to understand him. He’s so thrilled for someone to understand what’s wrong, and value his problems and his life. And what happens? Garnet talks about Pink Diamond. He’s crushed again.The most important thing to Steven is his relationships with other people, his friends. Literally his entire problem solving method is to go make more friends. He’s not worried about getting hurt or how scary Homeworld is, he’s scared that his family is going to stop loving him because of the mistakes he made.

But the gems don’t take the time to understand what Steven truly values. They don’t take the time to respect his interests. They don’t take the time to know him. And we’re still seeing that. They don’t understand what movies he likes. They don’t understand how his taste in food has changed. They don’t realize he’s been a vegetarian for a month. That’s not a little change. And, what’s more, that’s a value. That’s something extremely important, a sacrifice you decide to make because you think it’s a big deal.

And the gems don’t know.

So why would he talk to them? If someone was so uninterested in my life they couldn’t figure out I’d been a vegetarian for a month, I wouldn’t be opening up about my deepest problems. And when have they ever guessed a problem right? When have they ever taken an interest in things that matter to him? When have they ever told him that his human half is just as valuable, that he deserves to do whatever he wants, that he doesn’t have to be the son of Pink Diamond and can actually just be Steven?

But why bother when you can just cheer him up with s’mores and camping and Dogcopter, right? Steven doesn’t get angry! Our precious baby boy pouts. He throws some tantrums. The only time his anger matters is in Warp Tour, because he’s right about these big adult things. Steven is a child and he is small and cute and funny and his voice cracks when he shouts. It’s funny, isn’t it? He’s just a little kid. Little boys get angry and they scream and they holler about stupid things, and who cares, right?

Until one day they’re not so little anymore.

And now it doesn’t seem so funny, does it? Now it’s kind of scary. Now, the little kid that you rolled your eyes at and ignored the emotions of is big. He’s got a deep voice. He’s got broad shoulders. When he screams at you, it’s not something to roll your eyes over. It’s kind of terrifying now, isn’t it? Because there’s real power in that bigger body, and even the lizard part of your brain at the base of your spinal chord knows that. There’s a real, destructive power when he screams, and you have to listen.

The gems still think he’s a kid, and the audience is starting to realize he’s not. And the audience is already scared of what a kid as angry as Steven, with no coping mechanisms, is going to look like as a grown man.

It’s really easy to ignore a little boy with a weak grasp of his strength. It’s a lot harder to ignore a man whose screams shake your house down.

Value your kid’s feelings. They’re going to be grown some day. And what’s more? They’re people. Their feelings mattered all along. Steven’s feelings mattered all along. 

The only thing that’s changed is that you can’t call it cute anymore.

[chirons-coochie]

so i’m going through the “anti percabeth” tag and honestly what the fuck? gimme a sec im trying to put everyone who thinks “percabeth is toxic/abusive” in rice. bruv.

judoflip

what. and then comes the argument “if the roles were reversed” bitch mfing hoe DID PERCY EVEN ACT FAZED???? YOU’RE KIDDING ME RIGHT AND ANNABETH FUCKING SAID “i only judoflip my boyfriend” MEANS THAT SHE ONLY DOES IT CAUSE SHE’S COMFORTABLE WITH IT AND SHE KNOWS THAT PERCY IS TOO suddenly it’s male lives matter. ok bye also i have so many times where i punched someone for making me mad with worry but glad that everyone else is an angel from mfing heaven!!

“annabeth calls percy seaweed brain which is belittling him and insulting him”

i made a post about this already but fucking leave if you think this. percy doesn’t like bullies and he constantly calls out people (even annabeth). there has been multiple counts when light banter is counted as BULLYING or ABUSE. it’s a childhood nickname and yk what? i made a post about this already so i won’t waste my time on this stupid “problem”

choking poison which got annabeth scared

it’s fucking tartarus. next.

the whole luke thing

annabeth liked him as a brother, BROTHER, you hear me? b r o t h e r. bro, brother dear, brother. people are saying she barely took any time to heal before moving on to the next man, annabeth does this thing called “ignoring trauma”, maybe try it when your parents walk out on the disappoint you turned into, calling perfectly healthy ships toxic!!!!! (this is a joke plz don’t cancel me i’m mad) 

is there more theres probably more idk what goes on thru those people’s head like is everything alright at home? obviously, if your relationship is weak some of these scenarios could POTENTIALLY be considered toxic but you guys forget that percy and annabeth knew each other since they were twelve, and they’re demigods, AND they were best friends before dating. so uh. and if ur calling them toxic just go ahead and call every relationship on the mfing planet toxic and i don’t understand how people call percabeth toxic and then proceed to ship jason and piper, when jason thought aphrodite was doing some weird voo doo love magic on him whenever piper said reyna’s name. idk man sounds sus to me. a lot of people irl say they don’t appreciate when you call percabeth toxic because it sugarcoats real life toxicity!! and you guys are telling me you never wanna slap someone when they say something dumb?? bitch im on my knees praying, hopefully u guys grow a backbone or sum. get well soon xoxo

this is part 1💋

[asleepinawell]

hiii not sure if it’s okay to ask a poi question but here it goes - i recall seeing you expressing (at least some level of) discontent with what Harold has done on the show (to root, to shaw and all those hypocritical decisions throughout). would you like to share more about your thoughts on this character? tks

always okay to ask poi questions. since the fandom is pretty small these days i was going to put my answer under a read more line so people could ignore it more easily if it’s a subject that bothers them but apparently you can’t add read more lines in ask answers? thanks tumblr! so if this is a topic that annoys anyone, please, just skip it. also, while some of this is facts or based on facts a lot of stuff is obviously my opinion and therefore not canon and not the only opinion etc etc.

in general, i wasn’t crazy about the way harold treated any of the other characters (with the exception of john who he had a pretty great relationship with). for root, there was the refusal to call her root, which i found very gross and uncomfortable (like, in general you should respect what people ask to be called, but also it was linked to the traumatic death of her childhood friend and he absolutely knew that so fuck that shit). he even said something along the lines of 'john reese is what you prefer to be called' to john right in the first episode? he was okay with using reese's fake name, but not hers because he made her identity into a power game.

he also tended to be..hmm, patronizing is the wrong word (and lbr root was extremely patronizing to everyone) but more that he treated her like ‘rehabilitating’ her was his pet project or something. i mean one thing that always struck me was his ‘what happened to you’ line in bad code and then the subsequent decision to put her in a mental institution instead of, you know, jail, which is where every other perp they ran into tended to go. he saw her as broken and flawed and in need of his help which, to me, came off as hypocritical and belittling.

also, putting someone in a psychiatric institution where they get pumped full of drugs when they don’t need to be? really fucked up! even if you argue root needed therapy/was depressed whatever, that’s not what they were treating her for. they were treating her for ‘delusions’ and ‘hearing voices’ which were...real things. like, the machine was speaking to her. harold knew that. he let her get put on all sorts of medication and put in solitary confinement and oh yes also her doctor was a really fucked up dude, something harold could easily have dug up if he’d bothered. also the whole ‘killing off a woman to advance a man’s character development thing’ is, uh, a bad trope. to put it mildly. i could write a lot more about his shit with root but let’s move on.

in some ways, his attitude towards shaw bothers me most. he consistently treats her like she’s violent and unhinged because she has aspd and despite the large amount of evidence to the contrary. she is, in fact, the most cool and controlled member of the team (not counting carter) and the least likely to go off half-cocked. shaw does play into this, but mostly only with harold and only through her words, not her actions. she knows what he thinks of her. when she’s captured by samaritan, harold gives up on her very quickly in a way he would never have done for john (and probably not for root either at that point). shaw’s reaction to sim!harold in 6741 of ‘did you even look for me’ says a lot about what she thinks he thinks of her. his whole ‘binary moral compass’ line to her is also, uh, heavily projecting. shaw and carter had the strongest moral compasses of the group. by a long shot. 

moving on to the machine. so first and foremost, if you’re creating a sentient being, whether that’s having a kid or making a self-aware AI, you don’t create something with the intention of locking it up and ignoring it forever. (and he was creating her for the bush/cheney administration???? who TM pointed out was terrible if he somehow had managed to miss that. root called them something like the worst people imaginable and she wasn’t exaggerating). was it too dangerous to let TM be free from the get go? maybe! but then don’t fucking make an AI you think can destroy the world, buddy. there are a lot of reasons he made TM and none of them make this acceptable to me. once TM had clearly proven to be not a threat and trying to help he continued to ignore her and act like she was dangerous.

harold always needed very badly to feel like he had the moral high ground and not be the person who made a bad decision, which yes, is probably partly due to the trauma from what happened to nathan but that doesn’t make it okay when being paralyzed by being unable to make a decision got people killed. more than once! also, most of his morals got tossed out when they weren’t convenient. wouldn’t kill the senator to save the world because killing is bad! next episode he’s like if anything happens to grace kill all of them. cool story, still murder.

i wanna conclude this rant by talking about harold as a character vs harold as a person. meaning, harold as a fictional character who is used as a narrative device in a story as opposed to harold himself without the context of him being fictional. i don’t mind characters who say and do things i dislike. it’s very important to have characters you dislike as people imo. feels like an understatement. but lambet, for example, is a slimy asshole. the story is aware of this. he gets an ending a slimy asshole deserves. harold has a lot of flaws, and causes a lot of damage, gets his friends killed, and his stubborn refusal to budge on his arbitrary moral high ground lets samaritan take over and almost makes team machine lose. he gets a happy ending. with the woman he lied to (and caused a lot of pain and grief by lying to). root ends up dead, shaw gets tortured and fights her way back for root only to have her die which is kind of handwaved as ‘well she has tm with root’s voice good enough’, and john, after having rediscovered his will to live and have a life in the end of s4 goes right back to his whole dying for someone else thing. only harold gets the happy ending.

the show was actually pretty good at highlighting harold’s flaws and making them interesting, and then it kind of forgot that at the end in terms of story outcome. like, if harold had suffered enough to get a happy ending, then why didn’t anyone else get one? so my annoyance was with the narrative’s failure to satisfactorily conclude the characters’ arcs. (and for the record, i’m not one of the people who think he should have died. i don’t think it would have served a point. also death doesn’t equal redemption to me).

so, yeah, not a fan of him. don’t write him in my fics since my dislike would take time and focus away from writing about the people i do like. would probably be less bitter if they’d ended the show better. i was 300k words fic level of bitter. there was some post i saw going around recently about how if your found family show doesn’t end up with your found family together then you’ve kind of missed the whole point of found family and yeah, that.

[esther-dot]

I don't want to Hound die for Sansa to show he is true knight. This man gave trauma to Sansa and even Arya. Sansa already done much for him yet he always mocked her or belittle her. We don't even know if he is actually repenting or not. Hell we don't even saw him protecting people in bread riot and BW night. He always mocked people like Lollys. Sansa already has people who actually love her to protect her. Him dying for her will not going to erase her trauma.

I totally understand, anon. Whether or not the Hound sees Sansa again, Brienne will be the True Knight in Sansa’s story because she has the right ideals—the Hound didn’t, doesn’t, wont.

I’m sure Martin isn’t writing the Hound as a suitor for Sansa, but TBH, I really didn’t pay enough attention to him to have any assurances to offer regarding his ending. I mentioned in this post how the cloak imagery is meant to be about his shame/failure, not a romantic thing, so Martin might want to bring him back into contact with Sansa so that he can die saving her in an act of atonement. I don’t think that’s necessary, but considering the trope Martin is playing with, it’s possible.

At the end of King Kong (the clip below is Peter Jackson’s version), there’s a line, “It was Beauty killed the Beast,” and I think that idea of the powerless exerting influence over the powerful, the beastly being drawn to beauty, is something Martin likes:

That kind of thing plays out in a lot of monster movies, so the fandom’s assumption that it’s a mutual/endgame romance is odd to me when we know there are other ways for this trope to go. Anyway, perhaps the Blackwater scene counts as that pivotal moment because even though he didn’t die, that’s where Sansa (Beauty) exerted her power over the Beast (the Hound), and if so, we don’t need to worry about a reunion. Fingers crossed!

[nightklok]

Title: 'Cause I've been hurt so many times, I need someone who will try to soothe me, and not use me Pairing: Abigail Remeltindtdrinc/Pickles the Drummer Rating: E (For one future smut scene but chapter one is T-rated) Tags: Fake dating, Additional tags on AO3 Summary: Abigail considers herself great at her job; she knows how to make a successful album and her track record shows it. Dethklok proved to be the biggest challenge yet but she learned to overcome any hurdle thrown her way. However, what she didn’t anticipate was Seth’s second wedding. Specifically, Pickles’ mother getting on his case about finding a date to the wedding. Logically, she decides to be his fake date for the wedding. Just fake a relationship for a few months until the wedding then 'mutually' break it off; should be easy enough. It’s just the most renowned music producer and most popular musician fake dating. Surely no feelings or trouble will rise out of this.

Chapter One on Ao3 Here! Chapter one is also under the cut

Abigail had learned quickly that working with Dethklok was oftentimes like walking through those Halloween hay mazes blindfolded. Years upon years of working with pretentious celebrities, tight deadlines, and challenges that were thrown her way would never prepare her for working with them. For a group of five who lived together and knew each other the best, it didn’t always mean that they thought the same way and one would think they finally learned what worked best for them after years of working. But for some reason, they continuously went with the same method that never worked out because it seemed like the best to them. And clearly, it wasn’t.

She was no stranger to challenges so when Dethklok proved to be one, she did her usual process of breaking through to them. And that was asking questions to the right people. Charles stated it was just how they were. Knubbler said they were a bunch of dumb jackoffs so she had to hold the least amount of expectations for them...and lower it. Melmord had offered her weed because it would be the only way she could ever handle working with them. Twinkletits had suggested unresolved trauma and perhaps banana stickers would solve it.

She would find soon enough that everyone was right in their own suggestions but it didn’t mean she followed through with any of them. It didn’t take long to figure out that scheduling private sessions with each individual band member was a lot better compared to them being together only to yell at each other. Within a few days of the focus being more on private sessions, the difference being made was incredible. They seemed to thrive better under one-on-one time and having the group meetings at the end of the day so they could go over their progress had helped incredibly.

The only problem that she couldn’t solve was their old habits. Most of the time the sessions were either forgotten or recordings had to take a week or longer just to make sure the sound was perfect. They were still five people with different ideas of how the album could be better; it would be hard to find common ground and even harder to get them to be responsible under her schedule.

It didn’t mean every member was a thorn in her side though. Pickles and Skwisgaar were some of the more responsible ones compared to the rest. They’d sometimes forget to show up but that was expected.

Skwisgaar did have a certain way of speaking about music she couldn’t quite understand but she found herself slowly understanding him the more they recorded his sessions. It became like learning a new language but less on the fun part. Luckily, he was never one to speak much regardless; music did the talking for him and that was a good enough language for them to understand.

And Pickles, despite his years of experience under the spotlight, wasn’t the pretentious celebrity she expected him to be when they recorded together. He did his work without much complaint, left when she was satisfied and his first-week recording for a song would be the last as there generally wasn’t much left for him to retake. He normally trusted her judgment and any criticisms offered were never given for the sake of belittling her. It came from a place of experience and knowledge and it became something she quickly respected him for. He still occasionally missed his recordings, however, but with how time felt so rapid in getting things in order, she didn’t notice he actually began showing up more often.

He couldn’t show up one day due to a last-minute scheduling conflict that day and since he had a valid excuse, she didn’t expect him to show up at all. Deciding to not let those hours go to waste, she spent it contacting Knubbler for a quick meeting. He sent her the tracks he finished for her to listen to and she offered her critique. They were tossing track after track at one another to see what sticks and eventually something did. After sending him the latest track to fix-up by the end of their meeting, she checked her email to go more into the boring parts of her job.

She loved her job without a doubt but it didn’t mean there were some parts she actually dreaded doing. Emails were one of them; business language, having to wait up to a day for a response, and everything else just to show she was a professional despite her name being tied to so many influential things. Maybe she was famous enough to sign off her emails with a ‘k thx’ but didn't quite know if it was even worth the impending backlash soon after. She was known for her professionalism, not lack of.

But the album wouldn’t be finished for quite a while so she simply had to make do with what she could. Regardless, the marketing director wanted to listen to one of the demo songs. The day was winding down, she just had to spend an extra hour or two in the recording studio, then she could grab food, take a long bath and watch a movie until she fell asleep.

The motivation of food and a chance to relax was enough to look through her emails once more as she played the finished track. She didn’t hear the knock on the door but she did hear the door opening but didn’t turn around. She had expected it to be a klokateer doing some late cleaning.

“Abigail?” A voice all too familiar filled the silence. As she turned around, Pickles closed the door behind him quietly as if to not disturb her (even though he already did). He seemed a bit sheepish as he put his hands in his pockets to play off a calm attitude, “I just wanted to know if you still needed me.”

“Well, it’s not the first time you didn’t show up to a session, Pickles.” She answered a little too bluntly. It came off harsher and she had almost expected him to be offended by it but he shrugged instead, “Charles told me you wouldn’t have been able to come today, anyway.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s true I have bailed out on a few sessions, but I was planning on showing up to today’s session. I promise.”

She folded her arms, leaning back against the chair. It was new territory having Pickles actually show up when he wasn’t meant to. It didn’t seem like he was there for anything else too, “And you really mean that?”

He casually held up his right hand in a three-finger salute, “Scout’s honor...if I was a Boy Scout, that is.  But I’m here now. That should be enough proof, right?” He grinned at her before he walked to the recording booth, “I got this beat stuck in my head I wanna get out of my system. Won’t take too much of your time.”

She glanced at the clock; it was still early enough to record a few takes and he did seem excited to record. Might as well give some time to humor him, “Alright, you get one hour to impress me.”

“I’ll make it count,” He finished her sentence as he closed the door. Taking the drumsticks and headphones, he took a seat in front of the drum kit and quickly prepared, “This is for uhhh...what did we call 8?”

“ Uncensor My Songs On The Radio You Fucking Tool. ”

“Yeah, that’s it! Anyway, I think I figured out why it doesn’t fit on my end. Can you play from the beginning?”

“Sure, get ready in five seconds” It took just a few clicks to get to the song he wanted. She let the metronome play for just a few seconds for him to get the beat before hitting the record button as soon as the song played.

As soon as the song played, Pickles began without hesitation. The sound was much different compared to his other takes...and it fit perfectly as he had said. She waited though; listened to every hit and snare intensely for a mistake to come and screw his take over. But that moment never happened and before she knew it the song was over.

“How did I do?” He grinned at her as he wiped his sweaty forehead with his arm, “Not bad for one take, right?”

Impressive. “Not bad at all. I think this might be just the parts we needed to get the song to be finally done,” She answered as she hit the record button to pause the recording. She made sure to save the file and backed up the file into her work email. (Charles had requested she make backup copies of each recording without the boys’ knowledge when she began working. Just in case).

She watched as Pickles removed his headphones but quickly stopped him, “It’s great but I think another take would be good to have, right?”

“Oh C’mon! Isn’t it great as it is?!” He pleaded. He was foolish to think he could impress her with just one take.

“I’m not denying that it’s great but I’m sure you would be able to do another take if you got it all memorized, right?” She answered. The tone of her voice just shifted slightly enough to indicate a challenge and that’s all that Pickles needed to hear from her.

“Don’t think I can do it, huh?” He smiled back at her as he put the headphones back on.  It was a challenge he could easily win, after all, but she was never one to even let him believe it would be easy. The rush of it and the feeling of adrenaline starting to kick in made it all the more tempting,  “Well get the song playing again. I won’t stop until you’re satisfied.”

“You’re gonna end up tiring yourself out, Pickles.”

“You can let me off the hook then if you’re so worried about me.” He answered with the signature lopsided grin he gave out as freely as sweets, “I think there are some restaurants around that we can go to if you still haven’t eaten yet.”

Bargaining and banter had become something that they learned to communicate with. If there was anyone else in the room, there was no way she would be talking so loosely with him. They were alone however and would be for a long time so it became easier to shake off the layer of professionalism she had to keep up with all day. However, the remaining part of her brain that was still in work mode rejected his offer despite the temptation being far too great, “Not a chance; you walked yourself into this one...But if you wow me just early enough, I might take you up on your offer.”

“Get the song playing again and tell me when to stop.”

The truth was she was already satisfied by the third take but she did let him keep going at least two more times for good measure. By the time she said he was finished, Pickles’ legs were sore but it was nothing he wasn’t used to. Five takes weren’t bad at all and he found himself confident in the progress.

“Not bad, Pickles. I think there’s something there I can take for the recording.” Abigail answered with a grin that he tiredly returned.

“Hm, not satisfied yet, or just wanna keep my ego down?”

“Maybe.” She watched him put the headphones and drumsticks away before exiting the recording studio.

“I wanna hear it though. Play the best track.” He went to the mini-fridge and offered her a beer which she declined.

“Just get me a coke. The drink, I mean. I’ll play the best track in a second,” She had already labeled the track files by a number scale and taken notes so she didn’t need to relisten. He set the can of coke beside her as he watched her take a few moments to look through the notes before finally deciding on the best track. She quickly spliced it in with the demo and hit play.

Pickles already flopped on the couch, on his second can of beer already somehow (She didn’t know if it was impressive or horrifying). He didn’t say anything while the song played, leaned back against the couch. When it ended he asked, “Is that the best one?”

“Well, I think it is. It’s the one that doesn’t even need much editing. The others are just as great too, in all honesty,” She answered as she checked her notes briefly. She could go into great detail over the tracks, maybe even explain why the tracks were a perfect fit for a song but she didn’t want to ramble. And besides, he seemed a little bit bothered, “But what do you think?”

“Hm. Not as good as I thought it would be,” He said a little sullenly, “Nate’s gonna wanna delete it. I just know it.”

“Are you sure?  I don’t think he’d want you to delete them especially when he knows you’re having a hard time with this song. They’re all pretty good but if you want to talk with Knubbler since he’ll be doing most of the editing, just give him a call tomorrow.”

“Do you even think it’s good?”

“Of course. If I wasn’t satisfied enough, I would’ve had you still record a few more takes.”

That was an answer that seemed to satisfy him at least as he didn’t say anything else in retaliation. He only asked to play the track again, and finished his second can of beer, “I guess if you think it’s fine, I’ll take your word for it. It’s probably getting late isn’t it?”

“Come in tomorrow and you can listen to it again. If you really aren’t satisfied with it, you can try again,” She offered. She checked at her watch briefly; 10:45 PM. How has it been almost two hours already?

“Yeah, I think that sounds like a plan. We can put a stop to it for now. But uh, sorry for wasting your time.”

She shrugged, “You’re not, Pickles. Don’t worry about it. I would’ve left around this time anyway.”

“Okay, if you say so.” With a shrug, he shifted his mood and stood up. He didn’t seem to sulk longer than he usually did, probably because it was already late and they were both tired, “Did you still wanna eat?”

“Don’t you usually eat with your bandmates?” Usually, mealtimes were the quickest and easiest ways to find them if she needed to. Having memorized that schedule, she knew that dinner was about a few hours ago...or a few hours from now depending on what they did that day.

“Yeah but not today; Offdensen really had us doing interviews all fuckin’ day. I don’t think I’ve eaten lunch yet and I guess you didn’t get dinner either?”

“Nope. I was planning to, anyway.” A late dinner invitation was not rare to get but it was rarer to get one by someone she wouldn’t mind having dinner with. Their relationship with each other was always professional, and he also had years of experience in the music business outside Dethklok. It always felt refreshing to talk to someone who shared the same interests as her. She put her laptop away in her briefcase once she saved all her files; her night was officially done, “Is there someone even able to make dinner at this time?”

“There should be. If not, there are probably leftovers in the fridge. Or we can order pizza, it’s completely your call.”

She slung the briefcase over her shoulder, following him to the hallway. After shutting and locking the door to the recording studio (Charles gave the only keys to her and Knubbler), she walked with him to the kitchen where the conversation of dinner slowly shifted to music and almost anything they could cram in the next two hours.

And by the end of that night, the late dinner invitations became frequent and she had accepted every single one. He always hung around by her last hour of work, even if it meant staying up late. It only meant ordering food to be delivered to them as Pickles convinced her to watch a film she hadn’t seen in years or her convincing him to watch one of her favorite guilty pleasure sitcoms.

For the most part, it was assumed she was just working with him on the album. No one really needed to know about the breaks where they shared a beer and gossiped about the celebrities they had interacted with before. As far as Knubbler and everyone knew, she was using most of the two hours to perfect his recording.

But just a few months later, the hangouts and late-night dinner invitations stopped in their tracks with no warning whatsoever.

She wondered at first if it was something she had done. But then it began affecting his work and it was clear he was distracted about something. She knew and learned enough about him that he was a perfectionist when it came to the drums; he was always a person who wanted to do his job correctly when it came to something he really did care about at the end of the day. Music was his passion, after all. And if he didn’t have passion for the things he cared about the most, then something was going on.

“Do you want to take a break, Pickles?” She asked. It was currently her fifth time asking the same question that week alone.

“No, it’s fine. Let’s keep going.” He answered as he picked up his drums and waited for her to press record.

She didn’t say anything else after that and she let him leave after a few hours. He left before she could get a word out and she would be met with the rising feeling that something bad was about to happen and recordings that not even Knubbler could salvage.

A few days later, she figured out what happened. It took a text from the staff group chat and an email that contained a video to piece the puzzle together.

“Hey, Neon Genesis Evan gail ion. It’s me, your coworker, Seth.”

She did not watch the rest of the video (sober) and instead asked about the video in the group chat. Seth was never invited to the chat for the same reason Melmord was not invited to the second wedding of Seth and whatever poor woman he got roped up with.

Just by that video and conversation, she had connected why Pickles might be upset. It had something to do with the wedding, sure, but what specifically about it? Was it that he had known the girl Seth planned to marry? She wanted to ask so many questions but limited herself to three. But even those three questions were quickly narrowed down to one, then none at all when she realized it would be harder to pry anything out of him.

But, as advised by Knubbler, it was best to keep going. He’d probably breakthrough midway through a recording session. Being someone who knew to listen to others, she listened to his advice for at least a few more days.

She waited those few days and then two more. It was clear whatever was bothering him was still going to continue bothering him until the end of time probably. She had to talk to him against their better judgments; it felt like the only option available to her.

It was a session that lasted over seven hours and she was sure both of them were getting frustrated on their own ends. No amount of coffee or whiskey could even cure the boredom and annoyance that was of a session that would lead to nowhere. It was better to just cut things short and talk about it. If not even the drums could help him feel better, how serious was the situation?

She pressed the intercom button when the song finished and she immediately hit delete. There was no way to salvage the song, “Pickles, would you mind if we talk?”

His expression was perplexed for a moment before he resigned to his fate, not giving much of a protest, “Alright,” he answered with a sigh. He set his drumsticks down as he walked out of the booth, taking a seat by the couch.

She was never all that good at talking to people about feelings in all honesty. And he seemed like a rather emotional guy, to begin with. There were a few moments of awkward silence between them as she tried to find what a good way to start the conversation would be, “I think we know that you seem distracted lately. What’s been bothering you?”

And despite all her mental preparations that he would find it hard to pry open, he actually opened up quite honestly, “Well you know about the wedding right?”

“Yeah, he invited me too.” She answered as she thought back to the weird video message Seth had sent her. She wondered if she should even make a comment about that but decided against it, “You don’t want him to get married or something?”

“I don’t care about that. He could get married as many times as he wants; He’s still getting a fucking Vitamix.  But it’s not about that,” He answered, “It’s my mom. She’s been blowing up my phone all week asking about who I’m bringing with me to Seth’s wedding. Keeps talking about how I should settle down, find someone to marry, or whatever. But I don’t have the time to date!”

She stared at him and didn’t say a single word until he caved in.

“Okay, time’s not the problem but dating while you’re this famous is fucking hard. You must’ve seen that public divorce in ‘89 right?”

She definitely remembered. She was on college radio at the time and had taken over someone’s show. It was either some debate or public opinion show and that was probably one of the more shows she had ever experienced. Did it help that she was a fan of his music back in the day? No, but she would not admit that “I kind of knew about it. It sounded like it was an awful divorce for you. But you were only nineteen, weren’t you? You shouldn't stop yourself from dating for something that happened when you were just a teen.”

“Nineteen, thirty-five, ninety, does it matter? It was as awful behind the scenes as it was in public. I’m not gonna bore you with that but basically, I’m done with dating. And she won’t see that!”

“Well...maybe one of your bandmates can be your date?” She offered.

“Nah, been there, done that, it didn’t work out. And plus, would you even fake date any of them?”

She thought for a moment, “Yeah, smart choice.”

“It’s gotta be someone she has never met before to make it more believable.”

“I see,” Abigail paused. She had waited, expecting almost, for Pickles to look at her, drop the ‘except…’, and plead for her to be his fake date but he didn’t. He only reached into the mini-fridge to pull out a beer, offering one to Abigail who accepted. She didn’t like the beer and had to hide her disgusted look as she took a sip and tried to set it down casually.

The conversation had died out like that. She kept on sipping the beer and hoping he would say something. But he didn’t and it became clear that she had to be the one to speak up. There was only one possible solution to it and it felt like the most obvious., “If you can’t find anyone else, I can be your date.” She offered.

Pickles looked at her like she had asked him to play the drums with his mouth, “I respect you too much to get you involved with my family. They’re like...leeches that suck the fuckin’ life out of you! This is a me problem, you don’t need to fix that. ”

“Well...it’s affecting your drumming too.” she pointed out as she looked at him, “And trust me, I know what I’m getting into. I can handle it, Pickles. I work for Dethklok and I’ve certainly been through a lot more than just a wedding party. I appreciate your concern, but let me help.”

“Abigail...” He almost pleaded.

“I owe you, remember?”

He clearly did remember, “but-”

“He invited me anyway, Pickles. I’m still going out of work obligations; I promise this won’t bother me at all.”

“But you know it’s gonna have to be a lot more than just going to my brother’s wedding right? My mom will want to meet you and who knows what other folks are gonna try and meet you too.”

That was one thing more terrifying than the branding ceremony. Was it even worth it to complete the album?, “Then basically we’d just be faking a relationship until the ceremony?”

“I guess yeah...and that’s...three months from now? You really don’t-”

“As I said, I know what I’m getting into. I want to help you and if we have to do this for a week, months, or a year, it’s okay with me.”

Pickles said nothing for the longest time. He held the half-empty can of beer, nulling over his options that probably didn’t help with him being slightly intoxicated, “You won’t hate me right?”

It caught her off guard almost but she remained on track, “Of course not. I promise,” If she hated him, that would mean there would be no more all-nighters together but she wouldn’t admit that.

“Okay. Just so you know you can back out of this anytime, I won’t be offended if you do.” He said finally and that had sealed the deal, “But we need to keep this a secret which I know is probably obvious enough. If the guys find out, they’ll never stop teasing us about it.”

“But if all we really need to do is just please your parents, I don’t think that will be a problem. Don’t worry about me, Pickles; it’ll be fine. I promise that I will back out if I don’t want to do this anymore.”

It was clear he was unsure still and she didn’t know how much more convincing he would really need. But perhaps that was something to let sit and process; and hopefully, in time, he’d warm up to the idea enough to feel like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

There was nothing else she could really do at this point she knew. It was a quick resolution but a slow payoff and she had done what she could for the day, "How about you take the rest of the day off? If you wanna give recording the song a shot tomorrow, we can."

“Alright,” He threw out the half-finished beer can, beer spilled from the can, some of it splashing into the sides of the trash can and leaving a potent smell of beer. She made a reminder to herself to have a klokateer replace the trash can later. But it would be quickly forgotten when he spoke up again, “I uh, appreciate it, Abigail. I really do."

"It's not a problem at all. I hope you know that you can always turn to me if you need anything?"

"I do, yeah, and uh the same right back," He paused for a moment, "I'll take you out to dinner sometime if you want. It's the least I can do."

"That would be nice but I don't need a big fancy dinner. I'm fine eating here, and watching a movie." She answered. She wanted to speak more but her phone began ringing and she saw that it was from Charles, "I should probably take this."

"Oh yeah, go ahead. And uh, if you wanna grab some dinner again you know where to find me. I'm sorry I bailed out on you this week, I'll make it up to you." He quickly left before she could speak.

All alone in the studio, she took a moment to compose herself. Refusing to give herself even more time to let what she had gotten herself into sink in, she answered the phone.

It was only three months but somehow this new task felt like it would end up being the hardest task yet. But, she had an album to finish. It was just part of the job, right?

[lesenbyan]

I think a lot of the remaining “archives” crew doesn’t understand Jon’s guilt at this point. Let me explain:

Spoilers for: season 5, and esp 199

The crew seems to remember Jon Knows Everything any time they want to know a Certain Answer to a Certain Question (ie “what’s happening here?” “how many other dimensions?” “Where is X?” etc) but they don’t seem to really comprehend what knowing everything means in the same way my roommate without chronic pain can’t quite understand the fact that I am always in pain. There’s knowing and there’s knowing. and none of them can do the latter. Esp considering Jon’s been admonished for having feelings so often over the series, told to bottle it up and get it together bc he doesn’t matter, he’s hurting people. And sometimes he was! But as far as we know (and canon seems to support) he never talked about these issues, he never really dealt with them. So when it comes to something like this, something so massive, to knowing and Seeing everything his instinct is to play it pretty close to his chest. He’ll talk to Martin about more of it than the others, of course, bc he’s the only one who has never failed to validate Jon’s feelings.

But then you get to the conversations about guilt, esp the one in 199 and you see Jon say “I” and everyone else insist “we” but they don’t....

Jon’s been walking through this fearscape since he and Martin left Scotland. And the entire time (except when with Salesa) he has been feeling the suffering, the agony, the torment of everyone in those domains. He has been hearing himself cursed and reviled as the man who did this (even if he didn’t mean to!) and he already has a massive guilt complex with crushing amounts of survivor’s guilt, starting from when he was 8yo. Except now he’s hearing thousands and thousands of voices saying you did this and this is your fault and why would you do this to us and Oh god make it stop. And a man can only withstand so much. Andb Martin wants to help! he does! but he can’t handle Jon talking about the suffering and agony of those around him for too long, there’s a reason he doesn’t want to be around for statements.

And the others? have all shut him out. Melanie hates him and Jon wants to respect that, Georgie, as much as she cares, left him high and dry when he most needed an out, during the last time he probably could have left. And Basira’s been a Daisy apologist and an actual asshole to Jon on and off up until Daisy’s dead. He’s not going to sit there and explain “no really i because because because” He’s not going to tell them about the endless hours of the endless mantra of fear and screaming, not going to tell them about the guilt of knowing this is sustaining him, not going to tell them that he’s lost count of the number of people cursing him for bringing this about, not going to tell them about the agony he feels along with them, not going to tell them about the sadistic joy he can’t help but feel, not going to tell them that that makes him feel even worse.

Because how do you explain that? How do you explain that no really the entire world hates me specifically and the world would actually be better off with me dead to people who refuse to believe it? To Martin who refuses to live in a world without Jon in it, who refuses to imagine the world could be better had Jon not existed in it. How does he tell his kind, patient, loving, bleeding heart boyfriend that he’s not sure he’d be able to live with himself even if everything does go as planned? How does he say that even if they fix this the entire world knows him as the man that made them live that? How does he explain that he actually knows now what it’s like to literally be the most hated man on earth.

So everyone else says “we”. Everyone else tries to share the guilt. But it’s not theirs. Yes, all of their decisions and actions helped Jon end up here in varying ways. No, no one is more to blame than Jonah. But the insistence on we diminishes the sheer agony and torment Jon’s been through. But it’s okay. He’s used to his feelings and trauma being diminished and belittled and pushed aside.

and then there’s this:

MARTIN

The point is you don’t have a responsibility to sacrifice yourself just to make everyone else’s lives a bit easier.

ARCHIVIST

I’ve already made them a hell of a lot harder!

MELANIE

Hmmm.

MARTIN

[Sharply] Then we should all sacrifice ourselves, because everyone in this room has some responsibility for it.

Which also drastically misses the mark. This isn’t just the blame game. This isn’t “everyone is equally responsible for the parts they played.” This is “Jon was groomed for this for four years whereas the others had arguably minor roles that didn’t change Jonah’s script too much”. Is it Jon’s fault? Absolutely not! He’s a victim too.

But at the same time if, under duress, you make a decision that kills a person you still go to jail for murder.

What Jon wants is to feel like he’s paid the price for actions that, while not entirely his own, he played a large part in. Jon cannot live with himself and the consequences of his actions even if they weren’t his fault. Jonah didn’t read the incantation. He lined everything up, set the stage, manipulated all the pieces to where they needed to be, but he didn’t pull the trigger. Jon did. And Jon knows that. And no amount of “we” from the others will change that. No amount of “I can’t live in a world without you” from Martin can make him understand this.

This isn’t a burden he can share, so he doesn’t try. He’s happy they don’t know or understand bc it means they don’t hurt like this. But it also means they don’t understand why he simply cannot live with himself after it’s all done.

Even if MAG had and ending where everything went as planned and Jon and Martin made it out, I don’t think Jon would survive long anyway.

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

[softer-ua]

With the last Meta you wrote it makes me think of all the "What if Izuku jumped" scenarios that I have read. 'Disaster' would be a small word to describe the situation

It’d be so bad like idk if you read my “If the sludge villain got Deku”, but it’d be worse than that

I’m a firm believer that suicide is never anyone’s fault. People who don’t have suicidal ideations don’t suicide, it’s mental health issue at the end of the day.

That said I’m also a firm believer that we all have a shared responsibility to each other’s wellbeing, mental and physical, and that includes treating each other right and if we fail to do so we share the blame.

Katsuki is a child who has grown up in a world even more calloused and broken than ours, in a family that feeds into his damage. His mom talks down to him and his dad never disagrees, he’s forced to look for outside support in a world that tells him with a quirk like his he shouldn’t need supporting.

The only person who actively tries to care about him is someone Katsuki is told by everything around him is weak and useless, if it’s wrong for him to want support it’s even worse to be supported and cared for by someone like Deku.

The class finds out Deku is quirkless probably around 5, since his mom said most of the class has already begun showing signs.

This is probably the first time a lot of these kids have ever come across the idea of being quirkless and the teacher just tells Deku not to worry about it while all the kids call him names. Cementing what would become a life long trend, it’s okay to treat Deku as less than, justifiable to see him as less than.

Nothing in there world has ever told Katsuki or any of the other kids it’s okay to like Deku or befriend him, if anything it tells them being his bully is the only appropriate way to interact with Deku.

Regardless of that we still see Katsuki continually try to pull Deku into his sphere, he is being a bully but he’s also the only person who talks to Deku even when their little.

More than that, we don’t see katsuki talk or engage with the other kids personally until middle school and even then I’m not convinced he could tell his lackeys apart.

Deku is the only person who’s never been an extra, a pebble on the side of the road maybe but one that caught his eye.

Everything about Deku is goes against the grain; he’s plain and powerless in a world where everyone looks like a mc and he’s kind and helpful to everyone equally in world that’s set on survival of the fittest.

Katsuki has very low level empathy skills, and even lower emotional intelligence. But he can recognize strength when he sees it, and he knows Dekus strong in a way that he isn’t, in a way he hasn’t ever encountered and can’t understand.

He knows it’s something that separates mediocre heros from the greats, and it’s something he has no idea how to match. Its taken him his entire childhood to even begin conceptualizing and All Might still had to spell it out for him.

It’s what Endeavor has always lacked, he can’t match All Might because they’re not even playing the same game. All Might knows this too, and that’s why he tells him that the path he took isn’t for Endeavor, he’ll have to be his own symbol. The drive to save and care about others beyond yourself interest is beyond Endeavors capabilities.

In a way Katsuki is constantly being saved by Deku, he introduced the concept of selflessness to him at a young age and for someone like him thats life changing. Because he’d never be introduced to again until too late in his life to internalize it.

Deku spent their entire childhood proving that something other than physical strength matters, and he’s spending his teen years showing him how to utilize a genuine desire to save others.

If Katsuki had lost this chance, and had acted as a catalyst to that loss I don’t think anything could repair that damage. No one else has ever been able to break down Katsukis walls and shove themselves into his little dehydrated raisin heart.

The lesson Dekus teaching Katsuki wouldn’t just have been incomplete but tainted, he’d forever associate kindness as a weakness that leads to tragedy and I think he’d count it as losing.

He lost Deku and lost to Deku. Because at 14 Deku would have been talking his secret something with him to the grave.

Katsuki never could or would be able to put his finger on what Deku had that he didn’t because the answer staring him in the face was weakness, Deku has the strength to be weak and not break to it. Deku doesn’t lose himself to vulnerability, he’s not afraid to hurt.

Katsuki has never once not completely lost himself to his feelings. Deku swims upstream through his feelings just fine, Katsuki is continually dragged the fuck out to sea by his riptide shitstorm hurricane feelings.

So Katsuki basically loses out on the chance to grow into a caring empathetic functioning human being, which would of course leave anyone calloused, alone, and angry at the world. His emotional maturity basically stops at 14, cause he’s obviously never getting therapy to process the trauma and it’s awful.

But Katsuki also would lose the only person who’d ever saw something other than just a quirk in him. Deku saw a strong capable hero with the strength to save people, when even Katsuki himself only saw flashiness, power, and the potential for fame.

Deku sees a noble prize where everyone else saw magazine headlines. Deku sees a person worthy of being a symbol, not just a chart topper. Deku also sees someone worth caring about on an emotional level, who’s wellbeing and happiness are worth protecting.

Katsuki would lose more than a moral compass, he’d lose his best friend. And nothing in their world has ever shown me a a single hint that he’d ever be given a chance to process that, he’d probably be belittled if he even showed he cared.

It’d be a festering wound he’d have to pretend wasn’t there until it finally rotted him all the way through. And Katsuki Bakugo only process his feelings one way, and there’s only ever been one person who slows him down

And their gone, and maybe it’s his fault. His mom said so, his dad didn’t disagree, he was dragged in front of Inko to apologize for it. The school put on a little too late awareness campaign, he hears kids whispering. Some say he did them all a favor, others call him a villain.

Everyone suddenly seems to have an opinion on Katsukis behavior, but if they all knew so damn much why didn’t anyone ever intervene.

There’s only one person who always understands what others are thinking, and only one person who can accept Kacchans feelings. And their gone.

Shigaraki’s hatred for everything would have nothing on this, Dabis rage couldn’t touch it, I don’t think even AFO’s desire for conquest could reach this far.

A desperate, permanently wounded, enraged Katsuki Bakugo who only cares about winning by his definition would rip through UA, through hero charts and villains, and start looking for a new opponent

Katsuki Bakugo without character development and given extra trauma is just a villain in waiting.

Katsuki Bakugo canonically acknowledges himself that if Deku dying isn’t any different than dying himself

He almost dies like twice a month. No development with this level of desperation and he had a hand in the tragedy? He’d immediately begin plans for revenge against the whole world no cap.

If he didn’t just Romeo himself that is.

[lesbianrobin]

What are your thoughts on stancy in S2? More specifically the Halloween party scene?

Alright, so. St*ncy overall is... a very rough part of S2. To this day, I can’t understand why the fuck they chose to handle it the way they did. The whole thing makes Nancy look bad, it makes Jonathan look kind of bad too, and it absolutely beats Steve to an emotional pulp. This post is going to be so long I’m so sorry dklnckn...

It’s canon that Nancy wanted Jonathan the entire time that she was dating Steve. Almost a full year! Steve is planning his future around Nancy, talking about how he wouldn’t mind not going to college if it meant he could be around for her senior year. It’s clear that Steve thinks he and Nancy are in it for the long haul, which is reasonable considering that they’ve 1. Been together for a year and 2. Fought a monster together. Steve loves her, and he thinks that she loves him too. 

He goes to dinner with Barb’s parents for her every week, even though he doesn’t know them and barely knew Barb, even though he’s incredibly uncomfortable, but he does it to support her. When she has a rough moment in the library because of her grief, he pulls her into a private space, reminds her that talking about it in public could literally get them killed, holds her and comforts her, and then basically tells her that he knows it’s stupid to go to a Halloween party and act like normal teenagers when they know what they know, but it’s all they really can do, and he thinks they might as well try to be normal. He’s not belittling her feelings. He’s not ignoring her trauma. He’s just focused on making sure they don’t attract government attention and on trying to enjoy their lives as best as they can. 

Now, the party comes in. Nancy is being kinda shitty to Steve before she gets drunk. Billy and some other guys come up to Steve and start insulting him about the whole “King Steve” thing and how he’s a loser now, and Nancy just... walks away. She doesn’t even try to pull Steve away, tell them to knock it off, anything. Steve’s getting bullied, and she just leaves. Fine, whatever. Steve’s a big boy, she doesn’t have to try and fight his battles. Then he follows her over to the punch bowl, realizes that she’s chugging that shit like it’s going out of style, and he’s like “Hey, slow down.” Nancy, still sober, says something along the lines of (can’t remember exact words) “You wanted to get drunk like stupid teenagers!” before chugging down her cup of punch. 

This is why I brought up the dinners with Barb’s parents. Steve’s been doing this thing for Nancy every single week for a year. He’s kind to Barb’s parents, he does his best to make conversation and be polite, even when Nancy isn’t around. Then, he asks her to go to one party with him (that she wanted to go to as well, indicated by the fact that she enthusiastically pleaded with Jonathan to come and the fact that she and Steve had been working on their costumes for a long time). She responds by throwing his words back in his face, intentionally getting drunk at least partially to spite him. What the fuck?

Nancy’s grieving. She’s a teenager. She feels guilty about Barb’s death and blames Steve for it as well as herself, and she tries to suppress these feelings until she just can’t anymore. I understand that. All of this stuff honestly makes for an interesting plot! However, it falls apart the second she goes off with Jonathan, and it stops being the story of a girl struggling with complex survivor’s guilt and starts being the story of a girl who dated a boy she never loved for a full year while harboring feelings for someone else.

Steve and Nancy have an argument outside of the gym. He’s bitchy, tells her to go ask her other boyfriend what happened last night, and asks her to prove that she didn’t mean their love was “bullshit” by telling him she loves him. She can’t say it, and he tells her that she thinks she’s bullshit. Did they break up? I personally think it’s a bad argument and not a breakup, seeing as nobody actually said “we’re over” or anything, but you could argue that Nancy interpreted it as a breakup if you’d like to be charitable. However, I’m pretty sure that later on at Murray’s, Nancy and Jonathan refer to Steve as her boyfriend, so... Nancy cheats on Steve. Perhaps the cheating would be understandable as a result of her suppressed trauma and emotions surrounding Barb and Steve and everything, a moment of weakness, EXCEPT for the fact that she confirmed to Jonathan the night before that she waited for him and has essentially liked him the entire time. That, in my opinion, pushes it from “mistake made as a result of heightened emotions after a bad fight” to “opportunity taken that she’s wanted for a long time.” It’s a fucked-up writing decision that makes Nancy and Jonathan both look bad, as not only do they both know Nancy has a boyfriend, they also both literally owe said boyfriend their lives, and they still choose to sleep together.

The whole “thing” with J*ncy is shared trauma, right? They have the matching scars. Shared trauma, that’s “the real shit” according to Murray. But... what trauma do they share, exactly, that isn’t also shared by Steve? Steve was just as much “as fault” for Barb’s death as Nancy (of course neither of them were remotely responsible, but they were both there and they both had sex while Barb was dying out back in the pool, so). Steve fought the Demogorgon with them. Steve actually stood in front of both of them and held the Demogorgon off, protecting them! Is the “shared trauma” meant to be losing someone to the Upside Down? Will survived, but even if you do count him as a “loss,” then Joyce, Mike, Lucas, and Dustin all share that trauma, too. 

None of that really even matters, because the concept of shared trauma as the basis of a relationship is a mess that the show literally dismantles themselves in the form of, you guessed it, St*ncy!

Steve and Nancy both know about the Upside Down. Steve and Nancy both ignorantly had sex as Barb died, and now have to live with that knowledge. Nancy lost her best friend, and Steve has to wake up and go to sleep right next to the place Barb died every single day. They both fought the Demogorgon. They were both told by the government that they absolutely cannot tell anyone about what happened, and they will most likely be killed if they do. This shared trauma is what makes Nancy lash out at Steve, it’s what makes her get wasted, it’s what makes her blame him for Barb’s death, and it’s presumably what prevents her from loving him even though she clearly wants to (why else stay with him for a year?). So why should we, the viewers, accept that J*ncy’s shared trauma will provide the basis for a healthy relationship when the very same thing caused St*ncy to crumble?

So Nancy and Jonathan sleep together. They come back, Steve can tell what happened, and he says that it’s fine. I think that we’re supposed to take this as character development, or something? When he first thinks that Nancy has cheated on him with Jonathan, he responds by publicly shaming them and insulting Jonathan, but now, when Nancy ACTUALLY cheats on him, he takes it lying down, says that it’s fine when it clearly isn’t, and... this is a good thing?

We already know Steve is a better person now. We knew it back in S1, when he cleaned off the movie theater sign, went to Jonathan’s house to apologize, and then literally risked his own life to save Nancy and Jonathan! We knew it when he went to dinner at the Hollands’ with Nancy. We knew it when he ignored Billy’s jabs during basketball and at the party and let the insults roll off his back instead of allowing himself to be goaded into a fight. We knew it when he went to Nancy’s house with flowers to apologize, when he helped Dustin look for Dart, when he fought off the Demodogs, etc, etc.

I’m getting off topic, but my point is that St*ncy is a mess in S2 for a lot of reasons, but the way it ends is the worst part. Steve, for whom infidelity is a big fucking deal due to his parents’ strained relationship as a result of his own father’s cheating, gets cheated on by Nancy. Nancy never properly apologizes to him. They never really talk about it. Steve says it’s fine, his heart is broken, and Nancy and Jonathan are happily in love and never have to own up to the fact that their relationship began as infidelity.

The whole S2 St*ncy narrative essentially functions to grind Steve’s heart into the dirt while making Nancy and Jonathan, protagonists who we are presumably intended to like and root for, seem like terrible people. I have so many more thoughts about St*ncy, but most of those are already up in some other posts, so this is it, I guess! Thanks for asking!