thxxsatan

[darkwood-sleddog]

god the way some dutchie/malinois people talk about their dogs is exhausting. not for me fam. not. for. me.

[takenbypeter]

Different In Every Way

Adam Warlock x reader

Words: 1801

Authors note: I did not expect people to actually want to read that little fic idea I posted but so many of y’all wanted this so I did it. Y’all made this happen. Also reader is tan or brown however you wanna perceive this. I made it for myself tho really🤣 and I’m tan/brown.

Taglist: @spderm4nnnn

It was difficult to pinpoint when it all began. It was like one day Adam Warlock just appeared by your side and ever since then he’s been there. It was strange to you because he honestly didn’t seem the type to be interested in others, but he would go out of his way to talk to you. But you couldn’t help but think, what interest could you bring to him. You weren’t a guardian, you were just a Terran who lived on Knowhere. So at first you were confused by the way he seemed to constantly look for you.

In the beginning he came to you with simple curiosities, “what is this? What is that?” And you’d tell him, even show him if needed. Then he’d begin coming to you with other problems.

“But I don’t get it,” he’d say after dishing out how mad Drax had become once he brought up how useless he believed Mantis was and how she slowed Drax down.

“Mantis was an asset, she helped us see things that sometimes we couldn’t. It’s like you and your pet,” you pointed to the brown furry creature that he constantly had by his side on Knowhere. “He doesn’t offer you anything but companionship but would you say he’s an asset?”

Adam looked down at the animal that was cuddled on his lap before smiling a little. “I’d say so. He makes me happy.”

“Exactly, Mantis isn’t a pet but she is an asset. Plus bad mouthing people isn’t nice, so try to avoid that.”

“But you guys bad mouth each other all the time.”

“To the person's face, there’s a difference. Unless it’s a bad guy then you can say whatever you want about them,” you explain and he looks far off, clearly trying to make sense of it all.

“Some of your rules here are very confusing.”

You gave him a little pat on the shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll grasp it soon enough.”

After time conversations shifted from curiosities about the planet to curiosities about you. Sometimes it was simple like your favorite food and then after giving your answer he would want to try it with you. But other times it was just random things.

“Which member is your favorite of the new Guardians?” He’d ask as you two would be sitting on the balcony, his pet, Blurp sat in between as you people watched.

“Hmm, probably Cosmo.”

“What?!” He’d turn to you, offense clearly written on his face. “What about me!?”

You’d laugh looking down at cosmo who was messing around with Kraglin. “I’m sorry but just look at Cosmo,” his gaze follows yours to look down at the dog. “She’s so cute, I just wanna squish her face.”

“Okay okay, fine I can accept that…then who after Cosmo?”

“Hmm,” you’d scrunch your face and tilt your head, “I really really wanna say Rocket,” his jaw dropped and you finally looked at him, a little chuckle coming out from you, “but I think it’s you.”

Adam grew silent trying to hide the proud smile that was threatening to take over his expressions.

So yeah, chats with Adam were nice.

Then one day Drax, Nebula, and Groot were out at the center area, engaged in discussion as you were just coming out for a little greeting.

As you were passing by you waved and Groot said something that made you stop, “I am Groot.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you came close to the group, “you know something I don’t know? What do you know?” You eyeballed the other two curiously. Nebula looked regular as always but Drax, Drax had a strange expression on his face like he was ready to explode…and then he did.

In laughter that was.

You stood there confused as his laughter bellowed out into the air.

“What is going on?” You asked, still haven’t gotten an answer.

Nebula rolled her eyes while Drax tried to talk to you through his fit, “golden boy…” he’d laugh again, “golden boy thinks you’re made of bronze!” He’d burst out again and you’d turn to Nebula with your expression practically begging for an explanation.

“When we were talking with Adam he constantly was bringing you up. We pointed it out and asked why and he said he has strange feelings towards you—“

“He said he has feelings for you because you’re just like him!!!” Drax would interrupt bursting into another fit. “He thinks you’re made of metal!”

That was news to you.

He likes me? Was your first thought but what you asked instead was, “he thinks I’m metal?”

Nebula continued, “yeah he thinks you’re copper or bronze because of your skin. We didn’t tell him he was wrong because we felt like that was your place.”

Drax continued laughing and Nebula had enough, “would you shut up already! It’s not that funny!”

“But…but he only likes you because you’re like him, but what’s he gonna do when he finds out you’re from Earth!”

“Drax!”

“I am Groot.”

“What? How’s that mean? I think it’s gonna be a hilarious story,” Drax said, turning to Groot.

You’ve heard enough, thanking them and glaring at Drax you went out to search for Adam.

All you could think while you searched was that now it all made sense why he came up to you specifically back then. It’s not like your skin tone was rare but I guess it stood out a little against the colorful skin that others had.

But did he actually only like you because of that?

Wait, did you like him?

You searched until you saw him coming out of one of the buildings across the way. You stood there unable to bring yourself to him.

Oh god you did like him.

I guess all that time you spent with him, you somehow gained feelings along the way.

His eyes looked around as if deciding where to go next.

“Don’t look this way. Don’t look this way,” you whispered frozen in place. His eyes stopped on you before the gold around them crinkled as his face spread into a grin.

Wait, what is he going to think when he realizes I’m from Earth?

Suddenly you didn’t even want to think about that conversation.

He took a step towards you and that was it, you immediately spun on your heel opting to have the conversation whenever you sorted your own thoughts out.

“Wait!” Is what you heard as you continued on trying to escape the golden boy. You made it all the way back to where you began, the main area where the others were. You couldn’t get too far though and Adam easily caught your arm, making you turn around in the action.

“I was calling you, didn’t you hear me?” He asked. He looked genuinely concerned for you which is definitely not a sight that you needed to see right now.

You glanced around at the others, awkwardly not wanting to talk about this with them there. Nebula and Groot looked away while Drax just put another Zargnut in his mouth, clearly entertained.

Like hell you were going to do this here. “Come here,” you took his golden hand and pulled him behind you leading him to the balcony where you two have spent many days together.

Once there you spun around and turned to him and without giving yourself any time to back out, you said, “I have strange, romantic feelings for you, and I think you have feelings for me.”

Adam was stunned by the comment. A few weeks ago he didn’t even understand what those feelings were, he had to talk to others to even understand what those feelings were. But now suddenly he finds out you have them too, he was ecstatic, he was happy, he was going to kill the person who told you that he had feelings for you.

The corners of his mouth pulled as he began to smile.

“But before anything happens between us, there’s something you should know.”

His eyebrows furrow. “What’s going to happen between us?”

Now was not the time to be explaining…all that, you shook your head and tried to continue, “nothing. Just…nothing. That’s not the point, the point is,” your hands curve as you motion to yourself, “I’m not made of metal.”

He says nothing, just looks at you eyebrows still together and you don’t even know what to make of that expression.

“I’m Terran. You know from Earth.” He still looked a little off, “like Quill,” you added and it finally seemed to click as he held out an, “ooohh.”

But again he looked confused, “but you and Peter…you look so different.”

“Yeah well while your planet comes in only one color, on my planet people come in all sorts of different shades and colors. Not bright colors, just very…neutral.”

Adam was silent again as he took in this new information.

You were from Terra.

Earth.

His mind seemed to be in its own thoughts while you stood there beginning to feel uncomfortable with what had to come eventually.

“Look, I know you like me because you think I’m exactly like you. But I’m just not.”

You don’t blame him if his feelings for you dwindle because of this, you weren’t ashamed of who you were but you were just disheartened that it turned out this way.

He was taking a while to respond and for a moment you wondered if you should just save you both the trouble and leave by your own two feet.

But then he spoke, “it’s true I believed we were the same, and that may have been the reason I searched for you. But in no way was that the sole reason for me gaining some certain feelings of emotion towards you. I believe I have these feelings because of our differences. You have taught me so much because of our different experiences, and that fact has not changed.”

He finishes his small speech and you don’t know exactly what to make of all that information, “so what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I still have fond feelings for you and if you’ll let me, I’d love for us to spend more time together. Solely the two of us.”

You weren’t exactly sure what he meant by that but you think he was asking you out on a date.

“I’d love that too.”

Adam smiles at you, his expression displaying a sort of idiotic happy type smile and all you could do was mirror it.

“See they’re smiling I knew it would work out,” Drax said from down below as the three peered up at you both.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s beautiful now, come on. We got things to do,” Nebula said while taking off ushering the others to follow behind her.

[msclaritea]

Here’s Why Willy Wonka Is An Autistic Icon | Medium

Here’s Why Willy Wonka Is An Autistic Icon

In celebration of the release of the new Wonka movie this month, I recently rewatched, for the billionth time, the original film — Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Wonka media has been a special interest of mine for the past seven years — -an autism-related term used to refer to topics and subjects that occupy headspace constantly, meaning I know more about Willy Wonka and his crimes against humanity than any sane person really ought to.

While watching the film, I was once again struck by how much I related to the character. His odd mannerisms, his disregard for small talk and social niceties, and his fixation on a self-constructed world all reminded me of a lot of my own experiences growing up as a quiet, book-obsessed, undiagnosed autistic kid. Although I was recently diagnosed at the age of twenty-one (it’s never too late!), the sense that something was always a little off has dogged me since childhood — in my odd tendency to repeat words and phrases, my limited and intense interests, my awkwardness in conversation and struggle to make friends. And as I sat there, watching Wonka spout off nonsensical phrases, constant literary references, and the occasional bit of wisdom, I finally got the urge to lay out, once and for all, what an autistic icon this character is, and has been for the past sixty years. Let’s dive into a world of pure imagination together.

A Little Nonsense

Autism, since it is formally classified as a disorder by the DSM5, has a whole host of medical definitions that try to sum up, in as digestible a form as possible, just what exactly is wrong with you or your child. Instead of pinpointing one definition, I’m going to temporarily throw the psychological jargon out the window and focus on the single term “disorder.” Disorder, classically defined, is a state of confusion or messiness — usually a form of existence that runs counter to broad definitions of harmonic living. Although unintended, I find that the literary definition rather than the scientific one fits my, and Wonka’s, experience of living as autistic. Disorder is chaos, it’s doing things just because.

Take this excerpt from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, the rightfully-maligned sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:

“I have never met a man,” said Grandma Georgina, “who talks so much absolute nonsense!”

“A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men,” Mr. Wonka said.

Many autistic people are told at one point or another that the way they think and act does not make sense. For example, in many adaptations of the story, visiting the chocolate room for the first time leads the parents to question why it came to exist in the first place.

In the original West End musical adaptation, the conversation goes something like this:

Mr. Salt: Well if it isn’t for anything, and it doesn’t make money, then why on Earth does it need to exist at all?

Wonka: You really don’t see, do you?

A painter needs no reason

To make a thing of art

Yes, there’s no switch to stop and start the flow

Willy Wonka (Douglas Hodge) in the Chocolate Room from the 2013 West End production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

We live in an unprecedented age of unthinking consumerism — our lives, from the get-go, are predicated on beneficial transactions. If I am to create something, I better be able to justify its usefulness in the language of monetary gain. Entertainment has become inextricably linked to the words content and consumption — creators make content, and we now consume the art we once admired. This implies a one-sided relationship to the way we engage with art — when we consume something it no longer becomes a conversation between creator and viewer, but rather a passively made, ready-to-eat distraction on which the viewer can project anything and everything they like. To make art for art’s sake or simply because we find it beautiful, is, in today’s age, an indicator of disordered living. Thus, Wonka making the chocolate room, or his factory for that matter, just because is, to most people, nonsense.

Again, from The Great Glass Elevator:

“He walked slowly towards the chocolate waterfall. It was an unhappy truth, he told himself, that nearly all people in the world behave badly when there is something really big at stake. Money is the thing they fight over most.”

The us vs. them mindset suggested by the phrase “nearly all people in the world” is one commonly adopted by autistic people, who feel that their perspective and lived experience do not align with that of their peers. Wonka, in creating a world of his own, has effectively made a safe haven for himself where the things he loves can exist without justification — a form of escapism I often engaged in as a child. In Wonka’s factory, the oddities that would make him an outcast in the external world are, to him, “simply second nature” — the name of the song in which he extolls the joys of being different:

It’s no blessing, It’s a curse

No wait…strike that and reverse

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What’s a Social Cue?

In the 2017 Broadway adaptation of the book, Wonka opens the boisterous and breakneck-paced song “Strike that, Reverse It” by, muttering:

“Now let’s get the small-talk out of the way.”

The word “small-talk,” for context, is said as if it is the single most loathsome word in the English dictionary.

Though every adaptation of Wonka is unique in some way, all seem to share a love for their craft that is only rivaled by their hatred of social conventions. From the 2005 Wonka’s disastrous introduction and awkward giggling to the original book Wonka’s fidgety and sporadic movements, none of the Wonkas have exactly come off as approachable. Even the new Wonka, played by Timothée Chalamet, has his moment as he practically screams “You’ve never had chocolate?!” to his sidekick Noodle, who answers his outburst nonchalantly. All of these traits: poor conversational skills, fidgeting, volume control, and a dislike of small-talk are all classic characteristics associated with ASD.

Autistic people also often struggle with echolalia, or the repetition of words and phrases for seemingly no reason. Gene Wilder’s Wonka, with his near-constant rattling off of quotes from classic literature parallels this condition, especially (and most entertainingly) when he pedals a bike in the inventing room.

Similar to symptoms associated with ADHD, many autistic people will also find that their hyperfixations and interests make it difficult to focus on daily tasks for long periods of time. Wonka is so fixated on making chocolate that he has actually built a factory where he does nothing but make chocolate, and has been doing so for decades. Take also these lyrics from “Must Be Believed to Be Seen”:

No magic spells, no potions

Forswear legerdemain

My kingdom’s created from notions

All swirling inside of my brain

The manic delivery of “swirling inside of my brain” in both recordings of the song speaks to the sometimes uncomfortable intensity of creative thinking. I want to note here that I’m aware of the “it’s not that deep” factor that plays into all of this, but I kind of shoved it in the back of my mind the second I decided to write an analytical article about Willy Wonka. Besides, I know I personally struggle with a constant barrage of thoughts here and there — sometimes to the point where I have trouble falling asleep at night. Hence these lyrics from Simply Second Nature:

The mind is such a wonder to explore

And though some nights I dread

All the voices in my head

I’d rather be this way than be a bore

I also made a compilation a while back of the mannnyyyyy (and I mean many) times 2017 Broadway Wonka displays some of the physical symptoms of ASD, often referred to as stimming.

Autistic Solidarity

I know I’ve been harping a little too much on the Broadway adaptation, but I promise there’s a good reason.

In this version of the story, rather than just being a decent kid who, for the most part, minds his own business, Charlie is awarded the factory because he thinks as Wonka does. This kind of connection is also implied in the 2005 adaptation, where Charlie is seen to have built an impressively large model of Wonka’s factory made entirely of toothpaste caps, but is only made explicit in both musical versions. This Charlie draws up fantastical ideas instead of doing his homework and spends his remaining free time endlessly pestering his Grandpa Joe for stories about Willy Wonka. Wonka, to this Charlie, is essentially a special interest — he hardly goes five minutes without bringing his name up, or delivering an excitable song summarizing the man’s life history.

Wonka, of course, sees a lot of himself in Charlie. In the song, “Must Be Believed to Be Seen” there’s a section in the middle where the tempo slows and Wonka wistfully sings:

Despite the man seen at these doors

My childhood home was bland like yours

But I knew how to look, to find

A world that wasn’t colorblind

This is the first time (and only until the end of the show) that Wonka makes a genuine attempt to reach out to Charlie — and he does so with language relating to neurodivergent thinking. The musical doesn’t exactly turn to diagnostic criteria for sourcing lyrics, but the use of the phrase “a world that wasn’t colorblind” is once again suggestive of the us vs. them mindset, offsetting the ordinary blandness of the “normal” world with the vibrancy of the neurodivergent imagination. In the same sequence, Wonka also sings:

But in the end there’s quite a prize

If you can see with more than eyes

Autistic people are often hypersensitive to their environments and engage with the stimuli around them more keenly than their neurotypical peers. Exploring the world with all senses, and often with a detail-oriented mindset literally allows many autistic people to see the world with much more than eyes. Often small and irrelevant elements in an environment become points of interest for those with ASD where they might otherwise be ignored by neurotypicals.

Lastly, I want to finish with a brief discussion of one of my favorite lyrics in the musical, this time from the closing song “The View From Here”, where Wonka takes Charlie up through the atmosphere in his glass elevator:

When a boy has just a touch of odd

And he walks the streets without a nod

He should know that odd is a gift from God

Like this starry blue chandelier

Willy Wonka (Christian Borle) and Charlie Bucket (Jake Ryan Flynn) in the Glass Elevator

Most neurodivergent people will be the first to tell you that living as they are isn’t easy. For me, I have trouble finding humor in the same things my friends do, making conversation, focusing, following directions, empathizing, etc. Sometimes things that seem easy or mundane to others are nearly impossible for me. Worst of all, these aversions and behaviors are inexplicable too. I cannot put into words why I am what I am, I just know that I have to learn to accept it. However, for every moment I spend hating myself for what I cannot change, I strive to find more moments where I love living as I am.

I listened to “The View From Here” for the first time in many years recently, and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried a little (maybe more than a little). To quantify one’s differences not as a mistake or a joke or a fault — but as a gift is to accept that they let us do impossibly wonderful things. We need to stop looking for ways to fix or mask autism, and instead make society a more accommodating place for neurodivergency to thrive. Only then can autistic kids dream less about faraway places where they can live as they are, and instead live those dreams in the here and now. And we can start by reaching out to that touch of oddness in each other, and recognizing what the embrace of pure imagination can do for us all.

THERE IS A WELL-DOCUMENTED HISTORY OF NAZIS EXPERIMENTING ON PEOPLE WITH AUTISM.

IT HAS BEEN NOTED BY PROFESSIONALS THAT MANY PEOPLE IN THE TRANSGENDER MOVEMENT HAVE AUTISM

BLOGGERS, CLAIMING TO BE AUTISTIC, HAVE ENGAGED IN VERY AGGRESSIVE BULLYING.

THEY RELENTLESSLY ACCUSED A CERTAIN ACTOR, WHO, HIMSELF SUFFERS ANXIETY OF BEING ABLEST, IN AN EFFORT TO TARNISH ONE OF HIS BEST STAGE PERFORMANCES

THAT SAME ACTOR WAS BEING ENCOURAGED TO DO PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, WHICH I SABOTAGED, AND I'M GLAD I DID, BECAUSE WEEKS LATER I CAME ACROSS AN OLD ARTICLE, WHERE THEY SAID, EMPHATICALLY THAT THE PHANTOM MUST HAVE BEEN AUTISTIC. THE POINT?

IF SAID ACTOR HAD PLAYED THE PHANTOM, HEEDLESS OF THIS THEORY, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ATTACKED, AGAIN.

AND THAT IS WHAT THIS ARTICLE BELOW IS; AN INTENTION TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WITH AUTISM TO SEE WILLY WONKA AS BEING AUTISTIC.

AND WHEN THE NEXT ACTOR WHO PLAYS WONKA, ISN'T AWARE OF THE FACT THAT AUTISM HAS BEEN LOWKEY ADDED, THEN THAT PERSON WILL GET RIPPED TO SHREDS.... BECAUSE OF MANIPULATING ARTICLES, LIKE THIS ONE. THIS IS NOT HARMLESS. THE SAME THING HAPPENED ONLINE WITH BBC SHERLOCK. BLOGGERS ERRONEOUSLY ATTRIBUTED HIS PERSONALITY TRAITS TO AUTISM, THANKS TO THE WRITERS ON THE SHOW. IT WAS ENCOURAGED, TO THE POINT WHERE IF YOU DID NOT AGREE, YOU WERE ATTACKED FOR IT.

THE RIGHT BUILDS ARMIES, AND THEY WILL USE ANYONE THEY HAVE TO.

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hiii, could i have a request for how the gang members would react to meeting a historian or explorer in the wild?? thank you! I love your blogs sm!!

anon ily <3333 i went wayy overboard with these but i regret nothing bc this was soo cute and fun to write. I hope u enjoy and i made it gn for everyone. I only did the VDL boys for this but if enough ppl like it i might do the girls with something similar idk yet?

Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch first laid eyes on you when you were hanging off the edge of a cliff after slipping when you got too close to the edge. He immediately ran over to you, helping you off the cliff and getting you settled back on your feet.

He seemed genuinely concerned and agreed to help you safely record the rock carving that was on the side of the cliff face, keeping you from falling.

You were a historian and had been studying these mysterious rock carvings after meeting an equally mysterious man, Francis Sinclair.

You didn’t see much of Dutch Van Der Linde after that until you ran into him again in Saint Denis in the saloon. He remembered who you were instantly and started up a conversation about your work where you chatted away for hours.

You became very close after that and he often accompanied you to Museums and fancy fundraisers that you were invited to.

He’d always get dressed up and complimented your finer outfits which was such a difference to the field gear you’d have on. You’d spend all night chatting away over nice champagne and dancing together before actually engaging with other guests but you didn’t have a care in the world with Dutch in your life.

Arthur Morgan

Arthur finds you standing in the middle of a field, flipping over rocks and staring numbly at what appeared to be a map in your hands.

When he approached you he soon learnt you were a young amateur explorer about to get your big break with a treasure hunt but you couldn’t find the gold bars for the life of you.

Arthur gave you a heart warming smile and held up a gold bar after retrieving it from his satchel having felt a little bad that he’d discovered it not a week before you.

The two of you laughed about it, calling yourself a fool for trying to find it for so long when it was clearly missing— the thought that someone took it clearly never crossed your mind.

Arthur was always a gentleman however and promised to make it up to you. After taking you to dinner and getting to know him better, you spent the next few days camping out and finding a new treasure together.

You travelled through caves and through valleys of flowers to find this treasure. Sometimes it was so beautiful that the two of you just stopped by a stream to let your horses rest and enjoy the scenery.

When you finally found the treasure you gave Arthur a big hug in excitement which caught him by surprised but he happily returned. He let you keep the treasure and wished you luck with more exploring but of course that wasn’t the last time you saw Arthur again.

Charles Smith

Charles meets you one day while you’re out surveying wildlife. You specialised in conservation, wanting to study and protect animal species.

Fresh out of the university from Saint Denis you’d been dying to get out of the confining city and explore the heartlands. That’s where a kind gentleman named Charles Smith had offered to protect you and show you around the herds of bison you’d taken to studying.

You spent days together riding the over the hills and following the herd as they travelled. While you were Charles told you all about his family and the respect and love they have for the beautiful creatures.

It was amazing the array of knowledge Charles knew about bison and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face as he told you about the characteristics of the bison. You rushed to take notes in your journal, knowing that all that he told you would help you study and protect these animals.

“Do you think it’ll actually do any good? The work you’re doing?”

“One can only hope Mr.Smith but I will do everything in my ability to protect such beautiful creatures.”

Even when you had to return to the city for study you constantly wrote to Charles, staying in touch and keeping him updated with all your work. It was hard to say goodbye to someone you’d grown close to but you made regular visits to each other long after that.

John Marston

You first found John in the saloon after a long day at work, in desperate need of a drink. Being a zoologist you instantly noticed the scars on his face and would’ve guessed a wolf was the animal that caused the damage.

The two of you instantly started up a conversation and shared all kinds of stories. He told you about being up on the mountain while you showed him the scar on your arm from your run in with a cougar.

You were collecting a compendium of all the animals across the heartlands and during the months you worked on it, you ran into John more than once.

He was always curious about your work and you often spent time together in the afternoon sun, showing him the animals you’d found so far.

“What about the stray dogs in town or do you only deal with cougars and wolves?”

“Well they’re animals too aren’t they not?”

Even though you couldn’t see John all the time, he often came along with you to see the wildlife and covered you when you were around particularly dangerous animals and you enjoyed every second you had with him.

Micah Bell

When Micah met you he had absolutely no idea what you were on about. In his mind the whole idea of a palaeontologist is ridiculous and made up, much less the fact that you chose to read books and study in your spare time.

At first he doesn’t do anything but mock your work but after running into you time and time again he finally started to come around.

He grew more and more curious when he saw the drawings in your sketch books of dinosaurs and even more so when he laid eyes on the fossils. But knowing Micah, he’s still incredibly stubborn.

“Ain’t no way that thing is real.”

“One needs an open mind to comprehend what’s prehistoric Mr.Bell. It requires a certain practice.”

Every so often on your work you’d run into Micah who’d be riding around on his horse, just passing by. By now you’d consider him a friend and your face lit up as he pulled a small ammonite fossil from his bag.

It wasn’t really your area of expertise but you could tell he wanted to impress you and seemed almost nervous as you examined the fossil. Nonetheless you could tell it was real and you let him keep the small fossil as a reminder of you until the next time you saw him.

Javier Escuella

Javier meets you when you’re down my the docks, trying to capture the sunlight and noticed him fishing.

Not wanting to disturb him you kept out of his hair until you heard him cheer loudly at a catch he managed to pull in. In your particular interest in animals, you couldn’t help but ask if you could take a photo of the fish he’d caught.

From then on the two of you became friends, often running into each other as you tried to capture landscapes and wildlife.

You’d always spend the day together and you’d show him how to use a camera while he showed you how to fish and play the guitar.

When you spent time apart you’d often write to each other to fill the gap. You’d always send pictures with little writing on the back of them while he sent you poems and songs that he wrote for you, promising to play them for you next time you’d meet.

In your personal journal you have the first picture you ever took of Javier, kept safe between the pages. He’s standing along the docks, facing the away from the water as he holds up a large sturgeon and a large smile.

You and Javier always stay in touch and after he told you of his chaotic and dangerous time in guarma he made light of it by telling you about all the different wildlife he saw while he was there.

Bill Williamson

Bill stumbles upon you in the wild by accident. He’s out scouting a lead when he ended up getting lost through the shrubbery and found you examining flowers closely.

When you told him you were a botanist he looked as if you’d just spoken a different language to him because he didn’t have a clue as to what that meant. Bill always made you laugh fondly at the confused look when you told him all the scientific names of flowers.

In Bill’s mind, a flower was a flower. There was purple flowers and blue flowers and even red ones but they didn’t have their own names.

The next time Bill ran into you he brought you what he thought was a bouquet of white flowers. Instead they were actually a species of weed that was poisonous when eaten but it didn’t stop you from smiling and hugging him which was the intended purpose.

In light of that incident Bill was actually curious about some plants, trying to learn about them more. When Bill went exploring with you he pointed out some of his favourites and you picked a few to put them in the brim of his hat for him to take him back to camp.

When you run into him again Bill tries to give you another flower, this time actually understanding the plant he’d picked was a Vanilla Flower Orchid or the Vanilla planifolia but he never learnt how to pronounce it unlike you.

With a high blush Bill placed the flower behind your ear and you pulled him into a hug, being careful not to crush the beautiful flower.

[plan-d-to-i]

(google translate again, yeah)

(I forgot to thank you for the last answer, I really didn't know that the drama used the music of my compatriot, it was a pleasant surprise for me)

I don't know if anyone has asked you this before, but do you think JC was good with WWX as a kid?

I mean not just their childhood, but the time of their training in Gusu.

I really love JC, and I understand perfectly well that he is the most dick in character, but I love him precisely during my studies at Gusu, I can not give any arguments that then JC was directly GOOD to WWX, but he is clearly cared a little about him and even ... worried? at least that moment after the punishment where JC helped WWX get to the room...

Yay - I'm so happy to hear about Stravinsky :)

Hahah loving jc as the dick that he is is the way to do it! go for it. :) also, sorry this was so delayed I wanted to reread the Cloud Recesses arc so it would be fresh in my mind before answering.

In terms of jc the Cloud Recesses arc is perhaps the most 'mellow' we see him aside from the Lotus Pod Extra but for me it's still impossible to find him a worthwhile person. I can already see the faults in his character that I know will only get worse as he grows older. Canonically I don't see how he would have any friends studying in the Cloud Recesses if he didn't come as a package deal w Wei Wuxian. I mean I doubt jiang cheng would have any friends without WWX period. In fact jiang cheng doesn't make any friends over the course of 13 years. He's also unable to find a wife bc of his temperament and behavior...

What we can glean about their relationship in the Cloud Recesses arc (and even the Lotus Pod Extra) is that any time WWX gets a kind word or understanding from someone, jiang cheng scoffs at it. Any time someone shits on WWX, jc is there to agree, to relish the idea of WWX being punished, and shit on him some more. He would be an immensely exhausting person to be around. He doesnt believe in WWX's ideas and ingenuity, (as NHS does for example), he doesn't believe WWX is hurt, he always assumes the worst of him, he doesn't believe LWJ might like WWX. The only thing he ever seems to believe is that WWX will dishonor YunmengJiang and that WWX should be punished. So for a kid who supposedly wants his father's approval so badly he instead constantly acts like his mother's mouthpiece/minion. He reprimands WWX like he's trying to become Madam Yu 2.0. I see jc stans all the time being like oh he had to keep WWX in check bc WWX was such a lOOooose canon, for the good of the Clan!! lol listen JFM didn't give a f...about WWX's behavior (in his letter to LQR) why are you so concerned? JFM would have preferred for jc to try & save his peers in the Xuanwu cave or at least to understand why that was the correct course of action rather than for him to just sit in front of the class in the Cloud Recesses and tell WWX off for giving LQR as good as he got, while actually still breaking the rules himself but eschewing punishment.

salt up here, quotes below :

Even when Nie Huaisang picks up on the fact that WWX is being treated unfairly by LQR, jc dismisses it and piles on WWX instead.

Nie Huaisang said, “Old Man Lan really seems like he’s coming down especially harshly on you. Every time he reprimands someone, it’s always you.” Jiang Cheng grunted. “He deserves it. What kind of answer was that? He can get away with saying that sort of nonsense at home, but he had the nerve to say it to Lan Qiren’s face. He was practically asking for the old man to kill him!”

But does WWX get away with ANYTHING in Lotus Pier? When we know he is punished constantly for EVERYTHING? This is jiang cheng fully being his mother's mouth piece. It's not something WWX would get away with, it's something jc knows JFM wouldn't mind. Which is why he's so pissed off. Which begs the question if JFM would not be upset with WWX's behavior why does jc need to criticize him? Again :

A dark expression shadowed Jiang Cheng’s face, and his voice was filled with anger. “Why are you so proud of yourself? What is there to be proud of?! Is being told to get out some amazing accomplishment? You’re making our entire clan lose face!”

and his glee at the idea that WWX will be punished leaves a bad taste in one's mouth considering how WWX was perpetually punished in Lotus Pier by jiang cheng's mother for... existing.

Jiang Cheng smiled grimly. “Now that you’ve thoroughly offended both Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren, you’re basically dead tomorrow. No one’s going to clean up your corpse either.”

and again

Without the old one, only the young one remained. This would be easy to deal with! Wei Wuxian rolled off the bed and laughed while putting on his boots. “Heaven’s charmed clouds are blessing me with shade.” Jiang Cheng was beside him polishing his sword with loving care when he decided to spill cold water over Wei Wuxian’s head. “Just wait until he gets back. You can’t escape punishment.”

Where others like NHS see value in WWX's thoughts

Nie Huaisang thought for a while. “Actually, I thought what you said was very interesting,” he said, not entirely able to hide his envy and yearning.

jc is always dismissive of WWX's ideas. These are inventions that WWX realizes. Demonic cultivation in the first conversation and The Spirit-Attraction Flag and The Compass of Evil in the second:

“Enough,” Jiang Cheng warned. “Whatever nonsense you spout, you better not head down that sort of dark road.”

-

Changing the topic, Wei Wuxian said, “If only there was something like fishing bait that could draw the water ghosts in. Or, something that could point in the direction they’re hiding, like a compass, that sort of thing.”

“Lower your head and watch the water,” Jiang Cheng said. “You’re letting your fantasies run wild again. Concentrate on looking for water ghosts like you’re supposed to.”

“Hey, mounting swords and flying was also only a fantasy once!” Wei Wuxian said.

He's also a hypocrite. Because even though he berates WWX for misbehaving, he himself breaks the rules. He drinks, he even goads WWX into buying liquor, the only difference is that he doesn't get punished for it, and he doesn't feel like coming forward and getting punished for it :

Naturally, Jiang Cheng was too embarrassed to talk about what Wei Wuxian had been up to. After all, all of them had egged him on to go and buy alcohol, and they all deserved to be punished as well. He could only speak vaguely. “It’s nothing. It’s nothing. It’s not that bad! He can walk. Wei Wuxian, why haven’t you gotten off yet?”

It's no wonder WWX is so impressed by LWJ's integrity in spite of his social status, when he's clearly used to the other dynamic :

“Lan Zhan, I really admire you,” Wei Wuxian said sincerely. “After I told you that you had to punish yourself too, you actually did it. You didn’t let yourself off at all. I can’t argue against that.”

A dynamic which is shown repeating in the Lotus Pod Extra where WWX is the only one to get punished for sunbathing, and which repeats here when Wei Wuxian here stops jiang cheng from confronting Zixuan over YanLi's honor (and jc's) and does it himself.

Zixuan :“Why don’t you ask what about her could make me satisfied?” he said in return.

Suddenly, Jiang Cheng rose. Wei Wuxian pushed him away and stepped between them, smiling coldly. “You think you’re very satisfactory? As though you have the right to be so picky!”

Zixuan: “If she’s unhappy, then let her break off the engagement! I certainly don’t cherish your wonderful disciple-sister. If you cherish her so much, why don’t you take it up with your father? Doesn’t he love you more than his own son?”

After hearing the last sentence, Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed, and Wei Wuxian was no longer able to contain his own fury. He flew at Jin Zixuan, his fist raised.

WWX takes the punishment alone. Same way he offers to do when he hurts himself falling from a tree because jc threatened him with dogs. meanwhile jc is gleeful to see him being punished.

[Wei Wuxian] was kneeling on the stretch of pebble road to which Lan Qiren had assigned him when Jiang Cheng walked over from afar and mocked him. “You’re kneeling so obediently.”

“It’s not like you don’t know I have to do this all the time.” Wei Wuxian’s voice filled with schadenfreude. “But this Jin Zixuan guy, there’s no way he hasn’t been pampered and spoiled rotten since birth. No one’s ever forced him to kneel, I’m sure of it. If he doesn’t wind up crying for mommy and daddy today, I’m not named Wei.”....

Wei Wuxian "...It’s a good thing you didn’t do anything.”

“I was going to. If you hadn’t pushed me away, the other side of Jin Zixuan’s face would be hideous too.”

“Stop it. His face is uglier for being lopsided."

WWX is happy to have spared jc from getting into trouble but jc makes the whole thing about himself anyway (like everything else ever) and is upset JFM would rush over for WWX - in his mind. Even though JFM clearly had to rush over to meet with Jin Guangshan not to coddle WWX in any way.

"Jiang Fengmian had never rushed to another clan in less than a day because of him. Regardless of whether what happened was big or small, or good or bad." Never

WWX on the other hand tries to be observant of jc's feelings and reassure him & distract him from his moods :

When Wei Wuxian saw Jiang Cheng’s melancholy expression, he thought he was still upset with what Jin Zixuan said. “You should leave. You don’t need to keep me company any longer. If Lan Wangji comes again, he’ll catch you. If you have time, you should find Jin Zixuan and watch his pitiful kneeling.”

Later in the book after nearly dying in the Xuanwu cave WWX leaves his sick bed to run after jc and comfort him after his mother's rant, even though WWX had to listen to his parents (and himself) being slandered by YZY. jc doesn't spare any thoughts for how other people might be feeling or suffering. His entire perception of the world is centered around himself. To him even WWX's greatest fear doesn't generate empathy, only amusement or later on a form of torture.

From that point onward, they made trouble everywhere together, and if they encountered a dog, Jiang Cheng would always chase it away for him, then enjoy a peal of derisive, unbridled laughter at Wei Wuxian’s expense beneath whichever tree the boy had leapt atop.

he grew up on the streets, often having to fight for food with vicious dogs. After several bites and chases, he gradually became extremely scared of all dogs, no matter the size. Jiang Cheng laughed at him because of this quite a lot of times.

This brings me to the last point. jc's resentment of WWX's interest in Lan Zhan, or in a serious friendship outside of him. I see so many ppl say that bc WWX fought he was kicked out of the Cloud Recesses early... but was he?

Jiang Cheng was somewhat taken aback. “Lan Wangji? What was he doing here? He still has the nerve to come see you again?”

“Yeah, I think his bravery is laudable if he still has the nerve to come see me. His uncle probably told him to check on me and see if I was kneeling properly.”

Jiang Cheng’s instincts were sending him ominous signals. “So were you kneeling properly?”

“I was then,” Wei Wuxian replied. “But I waited for him to walk away a bit, then took a tree branch, lowered my head, and dug out a hole in the dirt near me. It’s the pile right by your foot—there are ant tunnels there. It took me so much effort to find them. Anyway, I waited for him to turn back and see my shoulders shaking. He had to have thought I was crying, so he came back and asked. You should have seen his face when he caught sight of the ant tunnels!

“…” Jiang Cheng said, “Why don’t you just get the hell out and go back to Yunmeng? I bet he never wants to see you again.”

Thus, that evening, Wei Wuxian packed up his things, got the hell out, and went back to Yunmeng with Jiang Fengmian.

Repeatedly throught his stay in the Cloud Recesses even while NHS was observing that LWJ's behavior around WWX was strange and unique, jc was telling WWX he is hated and bothersome. When WWX wanted to apologize to LWJ jc is completely dismissive of it :

“He hates me already? I was thinking of apologizing to him,” Wei Wuxian said.

“Oh, so you want to apologize now? It’s too late!” Jiang Cheng said derisively. “He’s exactly like his uncle. He thinks you’ve been wicked ever since you were an embryo, so it’s beneath his dignity to pay you any attention.”

Later on when WWX mentioned wanting to invite LWJ to Lotus Pier jc categorically says no.

“Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

BONUS

jc also always doubts WWX. He suspects him immediately of wrongdoings. He doesn't believe that getting hit with the discipline ruler in Cloud Recesses actually hurt him until LXC confirms that WWX might take more than a few days to heal. He doesn't understand WWX is in actual trouble from the Waterborne abyss and assumes he's fooling around luckily Lan Zhan is there to rescue him:

The disciple’s lower body had already been swallowed by the black whirlpool. It spun faster and faster, and he continued to sink deeper and deeper, as though something hidden beneath the water was pulling down on his legs.

Mounted on Sandu, Jiang Cheng had risen calmly until he was about sixty meters above the whirlpool before he looked down. Filled with displeasure at what he saw, he shouted and dove down. “What are you up to now?!”

The suction force inside Lake Biling grew ever stronger. Wei Wuxian’s sword was optimized for agility, and consequently, its strength happened to fall just short, and they were nearly pulled to the surface of the lake. Wei Wuxian steadied himself and held on to Su She with both hands.

“Someone help! If I can’t pull him up soon, I’ll have to let go!” he shouted.

Suddenly, the back of Wei Wuxian’s collar tightened, and his body was lifted into the air. He twisted his neck and saw Lan Wangji holding him up with one hand.

He maintains this same mindset when he tries to whip LWJ and WWX as they're attempting to leave Lotus Pier after the ancestral hall confrontation when WWX passes out.

Is jc evil in the Cloud Recesses ? No. He's just an annoying, basic, disagreeable asshole who doesn't bring anything positive to someone like WWX. People like jc become obsessed with kind, outgoing, generous people, people who don't set boundaries on what they give and what others take in their friendships. Even though they're dependent on them for their social interactions, because who else would socialize with them willingly, they resent them in equal measure, but at the same time they wouldn't be drawn to another selfish, self centered piece of shit person like themselves.

On a personal note, even Cloud Recesses jiang cheng is someone I would exclude from any personal friend group. Friendship with him is adding a minefield of jealousies and snide comments to every interaction. Things that then others will need to compensate around because he won't compromise or empathize w issues outside of his own concerns.

Translation source : x

[iliumheightnights]

Bird Set Free | Ben Florian x Male Reader

Fandom: Descendants Pairing: Ben Florian x Male Reader Summary: A jealous Audrey comes after Ben’s boyfriend.

A/N: Another co write with my amazingly talented friend @inhumanshadows​. If you haven’t checked them out what are you waiting for!? …

Ben had caught your eye the moment you stepped out of the limbo from the isle.

You were one of the first vk's to arrive in Auradon.

At the time Ben was dating Audrey so you didn't think you had any chance.

That changed after the big turney game when he asked you privately if you wanted to go on a date with him.

That shocked you first off because he was a prince/future king and you were a villain kid.

Secondly you were a guy. You hadn't expected Ben to be into guys.

You said yes of course. Who wouldn't want to go on a date with Ben.

The date went great and you enjoyed it.

During the whole coronation debacle, you helped Mal and them stop Maleficent.

Once everyone was unfrozen, Ben pulled you into a kiss in front of everyone.

That was a surprise to everyone, but who was going to challenge the king and his boyfriend who just stopped maleficent? No one that's who.

While Adam was shocked he wasn't disappointed and Belle was really supportive of you two.

Ben's parents were your biggest supporters. "Love is love."

While the kingdom had accepted you two relatively easy, one person did not. Audrey.

You had a feeling Audrey wouldn’t like it. 

But you figured she wouldn’t be too mad for long.

At least that’s how it seemed. Especially when she left school for a little “wellness retreat.”

Then the mess with Uma happened. 

You knew she spelled Ben and that any actions he made weren’t consciously his own.

The entire cotillion was...intense.

You didn't let Uma use Ben any more than she had.

You quickly pulled Ben in for a kiss and pressed your lips to his.

There was a spark and energy there that you felt every time you kissed.

Pulling back, Ben smiled at you and you could tell it had worked. He wasn't spelled anymore.

Uma and Mal then got into a fight over her spell book.

After everything settled down the two of you enjoyed the rest of your night.

However there was still a part of you that was hurt seeing Ben with someone else even if it wasn't his doing.

Luckily, Ben quickly made sure that YOU were the one for him.

That led to him proposing to you with a promise ring a week later.

...

You said yes to that right away. No way were you letting that pass by you.

Of course, Audrey wasn't happy with that. But who cares, what could she do?

-You didn’t care. You were engaged and had much more pressing matters to attend to.

-Now the whole kingdom was just in your face about really anything and everything.

“when’s the wedding?!”

“How are you adjusting to life as the prince’s boyfriend??”

It was that constantly and it gets old quickly.

So you just focused on Ben and your friends. 

Evie insisted on designing yours and Ben’s wedding outfits. 

“I mean I won’t tell you no Evie.”

You had to remind everyone that it was only a promise ring and not an actual engagement ring. No one seemed to care.

Honestly with you two, it really was more of an engagement ring.

But that was for another day. Today was Jane's birthday.

Ben had some last minute work to finish so you went ahead of him.

"(M/N)! It's good to see you."

"Ben's on his way. He just had to finish something first. He's sorry for being late."

She waved you off. "No worries."

Then someone you hadn't expected showed up.

Audrey.

She was dressed differently and had maleficent staff.

That wasn't good.

Audrey laid her eyes on you and a wicked smile came over her face.

That REALLY wasn't good.

"Jane, go. Run!"

Jane nods and hightails it out of there.

Audrey starts to sing “Happy birthday” as waves of green smoke wash over the party area, all the guests falling into a cursed sleep.

You brace for an inevitable sleep... but it never comes.

Audrey stands before you, smile on her face.

“A sleeping curse is too good and too easy for you. I have other plans.”

She bangs the bottom of the staff on the ground and you’re surrounded by smoke.

Magic flows over you and when it clears... everything is bigger.

“Well aren’t you a pretty bird...” Audrey says before vanishing. 

You run to the edge of the lake and see that she turned you into a raven.

A raven. Of course she turned you into a raven, just like diaval.

Your first instinct is to panic. You're currently a bird when just five seconds ago you were human.

After calming down a bit you realize the next best thing to do is go after Ben.

Ben! If this is what Audrey did to you what would she have done to Ben!?

Without another thought you flap your new wings and try your best to fly.

It's not pretty at first but you figure it out and soon are flying to your future husband.

When you do reach Ben...it's not fun.

Audrey had changed him as well, but instead of a bird he was a beast. Just like his dad.

When you tried talking with him you hoped he would be like how his dad was as a beast...or at least as you had been told.

You figured you'd get to talk with him and figure out a way to stop Audrey.

Ben tried to eat you.

Apparently Audrey's curse made Ben an actual full beast and not just looking like one.

There was only one thing left to do...find help!

Finding help wasn't easy. Everyone was either asleep or turned to stone!

Fairy godmother? Stone. Belle and Adam? Asleep.

Luckily you found Mal and them, along with Uma, Gil and Harry.

Unluckily, they just thought you were a raven.

Harry kept shooing you and threatening to hit you with the hook.

Gil wanted to pet you. So that wasn’t too bad.

And the others either thought you were gross or just a dumb bird. 

Gil proves to have the braincell for the group when he suggested giving whatever made Dude the dog talk to you.

Mal did it to “make the conversation change”

"Finally! I've been trying to get your attention forever!"

They all go wide eyed when you're voice comes out of the bird.

 "Yes it's me. (M/N). Audrey turned me into a raven and I went to find Ben but she changed him into a beast! You gotta help me save Ben!"

 Of course, even though you were a bird, Ben is a king, your boyfriend and a beast right now. You were helping him first.

 "Oh and Gil...can you scratch my head again?"

What? It felt good.

 Then Jay, Harry, Gil and Carlos went with you to find your boyfriend.

You guys find beast ben and slowly try to get his attention.

He turns and stalks towards you all.

He looks as if he’s about to pounce when Jane pops out of the trees and sprays him with water.

Ben roars and stumbles back rubbing his face. He drops his hands and looks relatively normal.

“What did you hit him with, Jane?” Jay asks.

“Enchanted lake water. Breaks most enchantments. Figured it couldn't hurt.”

 You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

 "Oh thank gods. I was so worried babe."

 Ben froze in place as he saw you talking.

"(M/N)?"

You flew over and landed on his shoulder.

"Hey Ben. Audrey got to me first. Thanks for not eating me earlier."

 Ben would then pet you.

 "I'm glad I didn't. That would be awkward...now how do we change you back? Jane?"

 "I kind of used the last of the water."

You look Ben up and down and he smiles at you.

“Gotta say Ben, I like the fangs and beard. Could be cleaner but...”

“Oh really?” Ben asks.

That when Harry whistles. “Sorry to break up that tender moment... but we have an angry Audrey to pursue...”

"Right! We'll have to figure something out later. I promise! I'll make sure to get you back" Ben said.

You knew he would. Ben always did.

 Returning to Evie's cottage, Uma seemed to be leaving in a mood.

Doug who had been asleep was now awake.

"Wait? How is he awake?"

"True love’s kiss."

You looked at Ben who looked back at you.

 "Why didn't we think of that?!" you said.

Ben rubbed the back of his head with a nervous look.

"Sorry."

“it’s alright. Lots happening. We’ll try later. First we deal with Audrey!”

Cue Audrey sealing you all in the cottage. 

Then mal and Uma break you guys out with some awesome cooperative magic.

You: “Aww you guys are friends again!”

Mal: “I’ll pluck your feathers...”

“Alright! Geez...”

Then everything with Mal came out.

 It made your heart break. Ben,Your boyfriend, your future husband, made a decision with Mal to not bring over any more VK's.

You couldn't believe it. You didn't want to accept it.

"So...you didn't even want to talk to me about this?" You said to him.

"I'm a VK Ben! You're wanting to stop any one else from getting the chance that I did? That's so wrong!"

 Now you really wish you had gotten that kiss earlier...cause this love didn't feel true anymore.

 Uma, Harry and Gil left...and so did you.

"I need to think."

"(M/N) wait!"

Did you leave on Gil’s shoulder, slumped against him? Yes yes you did.

It was all very confusing and pretty shocking.

While you understood where they were coming from... it... it just hurt. 

You all were back at the cottage, checking up on Dizzy and the twins. 

You were glad they weren’t awake to hear about all that. They had enough on their plates.

“So what do we do now?” You ask, walking on a table, everyone seated around it. 

Uma: “Nothing. Let Mal and Ben figure it out... they don’t deserve our help after that stunt.”

"I can't just sit by Uma. I'm mad...but not let Audrey go kind of mad. If anything I want just a bit of revenge."

Uma smirked at that.

"Good to know there's still a VK in there."

You extended your wings and fake bowed.

Eventually you all began heading back to the isle before Mal stopped you begging you all to help her.

"They were turned to stone. (M/N),Ben was turned to stone."

It didn't matter how hurt you were, you still loved Ben.

Without hesitation you hopped off Gil's shoulder and began flying back.

Arriving back at the cottage you saw them, Evie, Dude,Carlos, Jay and Ben...all statues.

You landed on Ben's out stretched stone arm.

"Oh Ben...What do I do?"

You sat there perched on Ben's arm, looking at his frozen face.

You regretted that the last thing you two did was fight.

Hopefully this would be fixed soon and you can apologize.

As if your wishes were answered. Ben and the rest were unfrozen and the people began waking up.

"Ben! Oh gods you're back! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry about how I left."

"(M/N). No I'm sorry. I should have asked you. I'm sorry I didn't."

With that Ben lifted his arm with you on it up and kissed your head.

In an instant you felt yourself changing and growing and soon you were back to being human.

You smiled and pulled Ben into a tight up.

"Forget waiting. Ben, I have no idea what's going to happen but I know I want to be with you. Let's get married."

He didn't disagree and your promise ring was now that engagement ring.

After making sure everyone was alright after everything that transpired you, Ben and Mal got to talking and came to a unanimous decision.

You all agreed it was time to take the barrier down and stop making the children of villains pay for their parents misdeeds.

You worked with the other VKs to make the process as fair and efficient as possible.

Ben pulled you away for a minute to hug you. 

“I know we’re still working on the rest of the VKs but I was thinking we could meet with Evie to talk about wedding stuff?”

“of course... we have a lot to plan... together.”

Evie was excited when you told her.

Ben and you also enjoyed the planning, especially the cake.

Your wedding was going to be amazing.

[coriel-muroz]

Huntsville Revived #492

The time came for a party, and Finn invited quite the crowd. 

“Hey Grimelkin,” Frederick said nervously, “you’re a good dog...right?”

“Is that Finn’s new pup? He’s a big one, huh?” Michael asked, checking out the friendly beast.

“He’s big, and a bit wild, and causes as kinds of trouble, but he is a good dog,” Finn responded as he welcomed his guests.

Jimmy and Jack had already got the music going. It wasn’t that Garrick’s death didn’t loom large - it did - and for Jimmy and Jack, their sister Mary Anne’s continued disappearance even more so, but they couldn’t let the pain and sorrow they felt overwhelm them. That’s what this party was about, feeling hope about Mary Anne, and celebrating Garrick. So dance they must.

“Hi Jimmy,” Genevive greeted him rather flirtatiously. 

“Genevive! Great to see you, gorgeous.”

Jack could only watch his younger brother who had never struggled to connect with any lady and feel a twinge of jealousy.

“So, what’s going on there?” Jack nudged his brother. “How come Beatrix and Gina are just cool with that?”

“Cause I’d be cool in the reverse situation. Just cause you lost it when you saw your wife flirt one time with someone else doesn’t mean that’s a normal reaction.” Jimmy was sympathetic to Jack’s sorrow over his separation, but could not really understand his perspective.

Soon, quite the crowd had formed. Mostly Finn’s siblings and Mary Anne’s siblings, but some friends arrived early as well.

“Frederick, I don’t think Fayna is okay.” Genevive pointed out their sister to her triplet bro.

“What? Oh, yeah...that. It’s been happening pretty constantly since Garrick died.” Frederick stopped dancing, but did not seem surprised by Fayna’s actions.

Somehow she had got ahold of a sack of flower and was treating it like it was a baby. Fayna was singing to the flour, oblivious to the fact it was not a person.

“You’re saying this has happened before? That this is happening a lot? Frederick! Clearly Fayna need some help.” Genevive worried for Fayna, whose behaviour was concerning, and for Frederick who seemed to be ignoring it.

“Look Fayna, it’s getting dark now. I’m going to give you money for a cab to take you home, okay?” Frederick waited until Fayna put the flour sack down and helped her catch a cab home. “I’ll text Shawn and Olivia that you’re on the way.

“Thank you, Frederick,” she said as she climbed in the cab.

“We have to do something about that,” Genevive insisted. Frederick just nodded.

Meanwhile, inside, Finn noticed that Pilar was in close conversation with Priscilla. He knew Priscilla was supposed to be engaged to someone else, but the way the pair was talking, he completely understood why Pilar kept overlooking that detail.

[urfanfrangelica]

theres so much to be said about observing, and actively listening.

more than half of the time you have the answers right in front of you. i was in a conversation the other day and completely got lost, i didnt know who they were talking about, what the context was, 0. i focused on my face and language, neutralized myself and looked around, as they kept talking i gained not only what would have been a hassle to ask but more about the situation as a whole.

bottom line,

1. dont pay people to teach you what you already know (femininity coaches<stock exchange, excercise, art, things that build your personality and interests)

2. try before you ask (even for help, you can probably do it!)

3. just be present, you dont have to be perfect

4. that being said, if you’re going to do it do it well, if you look like trash at the supermarket during peak hours and get stopped by everyone and their family while looking bummy, thats on you honey.

a bit on something that @daphne-dauphinoise said, you dont always have to be this sultry, efímera persona in the corner. nice bubbly people that are engaged are productive and vibrant, while if you dont need all the attention on you all the time, a beautiful statue is the perfect cover to observe.

it brings me joy to interact with people on my way and im the type of gamer who talks to all and every npc. people you meet in your environment are their own complex world, there’s traveling to be done in your own neighborhoods and daily lives. i love it when i can have a conversation with the cashier, and local crafts seller and fruit stand worker. i love catching up in the line on the bank and talking to people about my dogs.

i have a heavy rbf so ive noticed how my ma interacts, she’s bubblier and more extroverted, which can be draining and annoying but she always gets a smile out of people and everyone knows her order and she lives the little life with such joy. i pick up my eyebrows and focus on my neck position more. i think about who i want to be constantly and work towards it like a mantra.

[fanfictionfansmiction]

Waiting For You

This is a long one you guys! A Fred Weasley Reader Insert I hope you enjoy. As I’ve started writing I’m beginning to see a lot of them follow the same patterns so please do send in requests so I can write something a bit different :) If you want a part two I would be more than happy to oblige

Word Count: 3597

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I sat down at my desk once more. Clearing away the papers and notes the never-ending week had collected. The small lamp cast a heavenly glow scattered through the leaves of my plants. Quietly I opened my draw pulling out my notebook filled with letters I would never send. Turning to the next empty page I intended to spill every last moment into. The movement of the pen ales the headache growing deep in my mind and I lose myself entirely in the act of it. Not particularly caring for the words I write. Just knowing that all day I waited keeping them safe for this moment finally letting them free. Outside of my bedroom I hear him move, speaking to someone I assume to be George or one of his other siblings. Animated and joyous. The thought brings a smile to my lips. They laugh together over something small I imagine.  

Finally finished with my letter I close the notebook placing it back in its spot. I settle myself turning off the light as I go to join my friends. George opens his arms wide offering me a hug which Angelina joins in. They tell us of their most recent trip and of how warm Greece was this time of year.

“And we have a little surprise.” George says wiggling his eyebrows gleefully. Angelina breaks into a dazzling smile showing me and Fred her left hand where a sweet diamond ring sits on her finger. Now I envelope the two of them into a hug which Fred joins us. Squeezing all of us together.

“Knew you could do it mate.” Fred says clapping his brother on the back giving George a proud look.  

“Let me see the ring Ang.” I say holding my hand to her which she eagerly abides placing her hand dramatically into mine. I see the love in her face when she gazes at George as I look at the ring.  

“Yes, Angelina we must see the ring!” Fred adds in a comical tone standing next to me taking in the engagement ring.

“It’s beautiful, you did well George.”

“Did you ever doubt me?” He adds planting a kiss on Angelina’s cheek.

“Never.” She responds.

Me and Fred send each other a look which says god this is grossly adorable. Angelina and George are in their own little bubble just staring at each other.  

“I think this calls for champagne don’t you Fred.” I say.

“Absolutely couldn’t think of a more appropriate occasion! We’ll just pop to the Muggle shop and get some.” Fred adds grabbing my hand and my bag as we make a swift exit out of the front door. The cold night doesn’t mask the strange look taking over Fred's face. I’m not sure why but he looks sad.

“Did you know he was going to propose?” I ask him.  

For a moment he doesn’t respond but he does look down at me leaving a pregnant pause between the two of us.

“I didn’t know he when he was going to do it but I had an idea it would be soon. I actually helped him pick out the ring a few months ago.” he looks away, “I can see that look on your face don’t worry I am happy for them. It’s just strange. It’s very grown up of him.” he looks back at me and continues without any probing, “It’s stupid but me and George always moved at the same pace. I feel like I’m falling behind a little. Do you ever feel like maybe there’s something wrong with us?” he asks.

“Because we aren’t engaged?”  

“Well more because we’re single, you know Ron and Hermione have moved in together. Harry and Ginny are only not engaged because they want to wait but they’re practically married. They’re all younger than us. It’s like everyone we know has found someone they want to be with. But here we are buying celebratory champagne for a happy couple.” He says turning the corner to walk down the next street.

“I don’t think that’s wrong of us Fred. If you worried about not being lovable.” I look up at him, “Then you don’t need to worry, I haven’t met someone who didn’t love you.” I’m thankful for the dark as I feel a blush grow on my cheeks.

“Are you keeping count.” He laughs leaving another pause before continuing, “You don’t have anything to worry about it either. You are extremely lovable.”  

Even though it’s cold out tonight I begin to sweat under my jumper. Thankfully we approach the shop so the conversation of love disperses into the wind.

“Now how happy would you say we are for the happy couple, £7.50 happy or £20 happy?” I ask holding up the two bottles. Fred pretends to read the labels before choosing the cheaper bottle.

“I love them both but I don’t love them enough to spend £20 on sparkling wine. Did you want some snacks while we’re here?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ll just grab some stuff on the way to the till.”  

With an armful of appropriate snacks and drinks we wander back to the house. Opening up the bag of cheese puffs to eat on the walk.

“When was the last time you went on a date?” Fred asks out of nowhere.

“Oh, uh it was a month ago with that muggle who worked as a chef.”

“You went on a few dates with him didn’t you. He was alright. Why didn’t it go any further?” He asks tentatively.  

“Well, he just didn’t feel right. He was constantly talking about himself and just didn’t do it for me sexually to be honest.” I say popping a cheese puff into my mouth. This causes Fred to laugh so loud I’m worried we’re disturbing people who live in the houses we pass.

“Poor guy, since we’re being honest, I did hate that twat.” This time I laugh and whack his chest. “What he was always judging me and he laughed when he saw me making breakfast! Also, the way he looked at you made my skin crawl.” He adds.

“How did he look at me?” I shriek with laughter.

“Like he was always thinking about sex. By the sounds of it he was always thinking about having bad sex with you. And that moustache only made it worse.”

“What about you how long has it been for you?” I ask.

“What since I had bad sex or had a date?” he responds with a laugh, “It’s been a long time, I just haven’t found anyone I’m interested in spending time with.”

“You don’t have to tell me about the sex the ladies you bring home aren’t quiet.” I add.

“You little perv.” Fred laughs.  

When we get back into the house, we hear music playing from the living room where George and Angelina are dancing together. Holding each other close with content smiles playing on their lips mouthing the words to an old muggle song that plays on our record player. For a moment me and Fred just stand there watching them. I can’t tell you what he’s thinking but I know what’s running through my mind. The longing to be held in such a loving way. To have someone look at you like that and to look at someone like that. Looking up at Fred I see that he is now looking at me. Something tugs inside my chest. He places a hand on the small of my back and for just a second I think he’s going to ask me to dance with him, the image of that intimacy brings a blush to my face. Instead, he guides me into the kitchen where we drop the snacks on the counter. While I source our second-hand champagne flutes, last used on the opening of the joke shop, Fred pops the sparkling wine. We pour out four glasses in silence.

George and Angelina walk into the kitchen taking a glass each. George lifts his glass toward us and we do the same, then he tips it toward Angelina who intertwines her arm with his.  

“To love.” George says.

“To love.” Angelina mirrors.  

Fred and I look to each other, with a cheeky grin on his face he links his arm with mine. With his skin touching mine a strange feeling once again tugs inside me as we drink.

We finish off the two bottles of sparkling wine, with the aid of the bubbles and the alcohol I do end up dancing with Fred. He takes my hand and rests another on the small of my back which still burning from the last time his hand rested there. I was so close I could smell his apple shampoo and his aftershave. Sometime late in the night George and Angelina went back to their home but me and Fred kept dancing. My head leant against his chest with just his cotton t shirt keeping me from his skin but I still could hear his heart thud. His hands made their way up the back of my shirt so he explored my bare skin. Drawing his fingers to follow my spine. I didn’t stop him. When I looked up at him, he was once again looking at me. In a way I’d never seen him look before. My hands slid up to secure themselves around his neck and his still danced under my shirt.

We stopped dancing. Minutes passed and we just stood there. Hearts racing and bodies pressed together. Slightly breathless and definitely reddening. The last song on the record played out so we no longer had music it was just the two of us holding each other with the song of our hearts beating. Fred slowly brought his face down to mine so our noses brushed against each other. My eyes fluttered closed. Just as we were about to kiss the home phone rang. My eyes opened and the spell had broken. With the shrill ring of the phone dragging us out of the moment Fred and I looked at each other again. Not with the yearning that there was before but with confusion. I was the first to step away making it to the phone just before it rang out.  

It was someone Fred had given his number to on a night out. I passed the phone to him walking back to my room like dog with its tail between his legs. When I close the door, I press my forehead against it panting. I can hear him talk on the phone for a few minutes when he hangs up, I assume he’ll go to bed but what I didn’t expect was for him to walk up to my door and to just stand there. His shadow dancing with mine. Once again, I hear him breathing. I feel his name at the tip of my tongue and I almost let myself say it.  

Instead, he says mine.

In a breath I open my door. He is waiting for me with lips parted. I’m unsure of what he’s going to do and I think he is too. Like something completely out of his control brought him to my door.  

“How was she?” I ask.

But he doesn’t answer. He steps toward me closing the space between us again. His hands find their way to my face and he leaves them there. Searching my face for an answer to a question he has yet to ask. But I feel it. Deep inside me I hear the question and I know the answer. I place my hand on his cheek too his face hot. This time I bring my face up to his letting our noses brush together for a moment. This is all it takes for him to kiss me. Fiery with the taste of champagne still on his lips. His hands explore me in the way they had only began to do a moment ago. Mine begin to do the same to him. My hands running up his shirt to feel his chest and his heart beating beneath it. Before I know what happening we’re both shirtless and I’m perched on my dresser while he kisses every inch of bare skin.  

We both lose any control we had earlier in the night after we’ve made our way to the bed still panting and touching one another. I learn why the ladies he brings home always make so much noise and I’m so thankful I didn’t keep dating the muggle.  

After we just lay there in bed staring up at the ceiling. I turn my head to look at Fred who once more is still looking at me. As ridiculous as it sounds considering what we’ve just done I feel very aware that I’m naked next to Fred. A shyness takes over me and I have to resist sitting up and getting under the covers. Fred sensing my mood change leans over his side of the bed picking up his t-shirt that lay on the floor and gives it to me to wear. After I’ve put it on, he suggests we get under the duvet considering how cold it gets at night in this house. I don’t ask him if he wants to go back to his bed and he doesn’t offer. I lay my head on his bare chest and his hand draws circles along my back once more.

I fall into sleep easily next to Fred who’s steady breathing I eventually match.  

The morning sun lights up my room and I lie in Fred’s arms recounting the night before. Already panicked about how to talk to him now. This wasn’t some guy I was dating and I wasn’t some girl he brought back from a club. We live together.  

He shifts stretching and yawning opening his eyes. He smiles in a way that makes me want to not worry about what’ll happen because of last night. He tugs me closer into his chest and plants a kiss onto the top of my head. I melt into his touch and sigh contently.

“So that was...” I trail off already annoyed that I started the conversation.  

“Really good.” He answers.

“Yes, I have to agree with you there.”  

We just lay there together for a while both now aware of the closeness and the familiarity of it all. I don’t prompt him for more conversation about what had happened last night out of fear that he’ll dismiss it as a onetime thing. Well aware that the feeling tugging inside my chest wasn’t anything new. Knowing that a few steps away from me in my desk are letters all addressed to Fred telling all him all the things I couldn’t say. If this didn’t even mean anything to him how could I live in this house with him without breaking my heart every time I see him or think about him.

“Would you want to go on a date with me?” He asks me.

I turn my head to look up at him from his chest and he looks nervous. Biting his lip and playing with his hair with his free hand.

“Yes. Absolutely let's do that.” I answer.

Then my alarm goes off signalling I have work in an hour and a half. I sigh and peel myself away from Fred with frustrated look.

“I have to get ready.”  

“I knew it was coming don’t worry, I have some shop manager stuff to do today anyway so it’s for the best. I mean I never thought I’d be able to leave you naked in bed.” He jokes.

“You’ve thought about me naked.” I blush as I stand up from the bed wrapping myself in a dressing gown.

“Well, we’ve known each other a long time and you are the most beautiful girl I’ve met so yes. And if I hadn’t, I probably would’ve just gone to sleep last night instead of just waiting for you to open the door. And to be honest -“ He gets cut off by the house phone ringing. He groans pulling on his boxers and plodding out of the room over to the house phone.  

I follow him out in need of a cup of coffee. I mime to him to ask he wants one which he does so I go into the kitchen to boil the kettle.

“Oh Hayley, I didn’t expect you to call again.” I hear him say until the kettle drowns it out.

After the coffee is made Fred makes his way into the kitchen with a guilty look on his face. He kisses me thanking me for the drink insisting that he’ll make breakfast while I shower and get dressed for work. After I’m dressed, I make my way to the kitchen, where Fred looks proudly at the plate, he’s dished up with a glass of orange juice and a rose from the neighbour's garden complementing the chocolate sauce smiley face he’s drawn over my pancake.  

“Why that muggle ever laughed at your culinary skills I’ll never know.” I joke sliding into my seat next to Fred.

“About other people...” he starts, “So Hayley the girl from last night phoned again and she asked me if...”

“If?”

“If I wanted to go on a date with her.”

“And do you?”

Fred shakes his head, “No I don’t which I did tell her but it brings me to something I did want to talk to you about.”

“What’s that?” I ask taking a bite of my pancakes.

“I know last night, before we,” he gestures between the two of us, “which by the way was incredible, we talked about the both of us being single and I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I didn’t sleep with you because I’m scared about being alone. I did it because it felt right. Whatever this is between us it feels right to me.”  

“It feels right to me too.” I add holding his hand in mine.

“Great, so how do you feel about a date tonight?”

“Tonight, works perfectly for me.” I say smiling at him but my second alarm goes off to let me know I have to leave for work so I kiss Fred before I go.

The work days go quickly which I’m thankful for. On the entire walk back to the house I’m smiling like a love sick teenager. When I arrive home, Fred hasn’t yet made it back from work so I draw myself a bath to relax. While I’m relaxing in the lavender scented bath, I hear Fred call to let me know he’s home. I unlock the bathroom door and shout back to him. He opens the door peaking his head in like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to look.  

“How was work?” I ask him.

“Agonising.” he answers in a strained tone.

“Why?” I laugh.

“Well, I spent all day thinking about you obviously.” he walks into the bathroom leaning down to kiss me.

“So, what’s the plan for our date tonight?” I ask.

“That’s a surprise.” He says kissing me again.  

After I’ve finished getting ready, I find myself standing outside Fred’s door feeling once again overcome with shyness. I’d spent the entire day not thinking about what it all meant between me and Fred, I was focused on how it felt last being with him and letting every desire I have for him take over. It was all instinct and I’m not particularly good on acting on it. What if he doesn’t like the dress I’m wearing. Or what if we start dating and it all ends terribly leaving me without all my friends. Or what if-

“See it’s very unnerving standing outside someone’s door isn’t it.” I hear Fred say from inside his room.

“How does it feel for you being on the other side of it?” I respond.

“Still pretty nerve wracking.” He laughs still not opening the door.

“Fred.” I say and he says my name back to me. “We aren’t making a mistake, are we?” I ask.

“Mistake?” he says swinging open the door with fear taking over his eyes, “Why would we be making a mistake.” He asks looking down at me.

“Well, if we start dating it's not the same as starting out with someone from the first date. I know you better than I know anyone. I mean we live together Fred. Where are we starting from? What are we to each other?”

He takes my hand and leads me further into his room so there’s not much space between us, “We are two people who have always cared for each other. You are one of my dearest friends and I think that’s what dating is right? That’s why I never make it onto a date because why would I when I have someone like you, someone I trust with everything. Every time I’d bring a girl home and it got to the talking, I wasn’t interested in it because I would always keep thinking of you. About something that would make you laugh.  So, it may make it all a bit more complicated because I think about you all the time as it is but I want to do this. I can’t tell you where we’re starting because I don’t know where we stand but I’m willing to figure it out if you are.”  

“Okay Freddie. We can figure it out together.”  

He breathes a sigh of relief pulling me in for a hug, squeezing me tight.  

[whatgaviiformes]

The Personal Trash

Okay, I needed the catharsis of writing this out, but I am throwing it under a read more because I honestly don’t expect anyone to read this. Family shit below

I feel like before I start I have to say first I love my husband very much and am continually excited by the life we are and have been building together, and the only goddamn constant in these circumstances is that he is my best friend always. 

The second part of this before I jump in is that his mother, my mother-in-law lives with us, and there are parts of this story I can’t tell because it’s her story and I am not that kind of person.  One of the things I love about him is his loyalty to family. I am the same way. Living with elders does not make me bat an eyelid - they’ve taken care of us, it feels comforting that we can take care of them.

But I need to share the context of our home - it’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse with the three of us, three dogs, with almost every space shared. One kitchen, one living room. It’s a small place. My husband purchased the house in September 2014, and it was around when we started dating. One of our first outings was his housewarming. It was, and still is, a starter home. 

So since he’s had the home, I’ve been around - starting with a weekends, back and forth, and finally a moved in in 2017, married in 2019, and now we are here. Four years later. 

We’ve talked upsizing, getting an in law place if we can. But the housing market is a sellers market at the moment, and things have been good. For four years. 

For four years, the family unit has been the three of us. We’ve all contributed in different ways, and in that time, MIL has retired, husband has switched jobs a few times, and mine has been constant. And I *adore* my job. But it keeps me incredibly busy, overwhelmed often. Work-life balance is a bit of a joke for sure. Like anywhere there are days that I’ve gotten off work and cried. Or, checked out mentally that I couldn’t engage in other things. It’s can be intense, but its rewarding. And there was a period through the past few years where I was the source of income keeping our heads above water. And we were - we were fine.  But it put a lot of stress on me.

In the meantime there have been some health issues - which I will gloss over. Not my story. But MIL has had few different things, on top of us worrying about COVID. We’ve taken her to some different appointments and such.  

We had one such scare two weekends ago, and it kind was a catalyst to a bunch of other stuff that I’ve been dealing with behind the scenes lately. So on Sunday, husband and I went to the grocery store (she was supposed to go on a trip for four days or so) so we were going to use the opportunity to cook a few things together, and we needed to replenish. We were about to grab lunch, and called to see if she wanted anything, and she told him then she wanted to be taken to the hospital. She told us a few days earlier she was having some problems, but only mentioned to my husband that she was worried this might happen. But to me this forewarning was not mentioned, and I was only told because he advised her that she needed to be upfront of what was going on. (For the record, she still was vague). 

This ^ will be a theme.

So we skipped lunch, came back home, I unloaded the food and started putting stuff away because he and I agreed that’s what we do and I told him to keep me updated, and she left without saying anything to me or vice versa.  Husband comes home because COVID means you can’t stay with anyone. Also no beds, so it took awhile (F*CKING GET VACCINATED PEOPLE SO PEOPLE WHO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT AREN’T LAID UP FOR YOUR STUPIDITY  -alsoyesiknowthereareotherreasonspeopleareinthehospitalforcovidjustgivemethisimfrustrated)

11:30 PM that night we picked her back up. It was late, I was tired.  A few days later she tells us that she had a lot of time to think while at the hospital, and tells us she is going to move out. 

First - you know what we did while she was in the hospital? We freaking worried.  Okay - so all of that is facts, details, and I’ve gotten you caught up to the this-happened-then-this-happened. The rest of this is feelings so buckle the fuck up

Husband  - immediately lashes out because he doesn’t like the reasons (still doesn’t) and I find out that there was a conversation the day before between the two of them I wasn’t a part of  - and he felt because she was not being honest with me, he was forced to have to lie to me, his wife, and didn’t like that feeling. 

Me -  feeling confused, a little like this is out of left field, and only not completely surprised because this has happened before with husband telling me, and then it never happening, we misunderstanding. and more times than not it never made it from her mouth to my ears. Also it was never for *this* reason. See how this escalates more  below.

Husband- “I had to learn to live with strangers, and you just can’t stand not being in control” Me -  so wait I am a stranger now?

Husband - do you even like my wife...

and so on. So apparently everything I thought I knew about our home changed in the course of this conversation. What I was able to get out of the cacophony of chaos is that I am insensitive because I don’t interact with her the way she expects me to? And she feels like she’s intruding all the time, despite us assuring her she’s not, inviting her to game nights, and in general sharing in the things that you do as a family like vacations and dinners.  And the more we argued, the more little things came out and little clues.  She’s mentioned leaving before, almost on a 6 month cycle, and the last time was this one -  

So like... when we got Della, and three days in she was like “If they don’t get along I’m going to take Dino and my own place” and so   like... hold up, you can’t just throw away a comment like that. They’ve barely gotten a chance to know each other. (they are fine by the way. Della is a puppy and gets in his face a bit, but she’s still learning. They play, sleep together fine, and we are constantly taking care of the fur kids).

And from what I get from the comments to leave  - because shit there’s still so many pieces to this I feel like I am missing -she will rationalize other reasons like the dog example above.

So when this happens it sends my husband in a spiral, he tells me because she won’t say anything, and the one time we did try to have a conversation about it, she shut down and made it sounds like he misunderstood and made him out to be the asshole. Then in the same breath tell him its not his job to fix everything as a stab at me, but like continue to talk only to him when it involves everyone.

I don’t know if that makes sense. A lot happens without me involved.

So then  - those clues - the hints that all of this is really about me: 

health - i stopped asking because she stopped telling me things, so how am I supposed to know what she can and can’t do. but im at fault for like... not asking.  but she’s not telling.

home - apparently my understanding and my husbands understanding about the stuff she does around the house  - some cleaning, groceries (we pay for) and loading dishwasher, cooking sometimes,. We thought she liked doing them to help around the house, and she’s never told us differently. EDIT- no, she’s told us she likes to help. Cue - you can stop right there, I am an adult and I never asked you to clean up after me.  

I feel like whatever feelings she has for me started a long time ago, and  she continued to let them harbor instead of talking to me about it, until it got to the point where it couldn’t really be solved.

I mean, I am not lacking the self-awareness to recognize that, yeah, I can be messy, and yeah, I can be single minded. There are days where my husband is talking me and I just space answering him because I can’t or or I just mentally lose it in processing.

I am seeing this mirror reflected back at me of like - I have all these expectations for you, and you are a problem and, but like.... it kind of goes both ways? And I feel like you’ve made these circumstances yourself? And if  you want to leave that’s fine, but its not from our doing? 

And so in the end *I* feel like I am the one under scrutiny for everything I do or say and how I interact in my home. And it feels like selfishness, and self-victimizing behavior that I’ve seen time and time again, and I don’t really see a way out. 

So husband just wants to keep the family together, he’s taking this to heart - its his mom, and there are feelings there about how they’ve provided for each other. He would feel differently if they got the house and she moved in with him under the notion that she was going to save, get her own place. But it wasn’t, and so he has this weight on his shoulders for it, for failing in some way.

And I  - well. I didn’t really realize the family unit we had wasn’t working... at least to that extent and that it stemmed from me and I’m really hurt by it. Aside from the stuff above, I am really easy going - I try to give everyone space, and make everyone happy. I shut down if I am processing something. I’ve never intentionally tried to make her feel unwelcome. I’ve invited her to my family vacations, we’ve all equally enjoyed dinner’s out. 

And though I’d be willing to try to do better, i am absolutely livid that this conversation waited until it was at its worst. So now I don’t really want to try to do better because I am mad and hurt, and don’t feel like my sacrifices or contributions are being acknowledged, nor do I think she will do the same thing to be self-reflective and recognize her own part of all this. And above all things, I truly hate to be misunderstood. And I will completely shut down under that kind of self-victimizing behavior and thoughtlessness to other people. I don’t want to lose myself over this, in my own home.

So neither path is really an easy or right solution. She moves out, husband loses a bit of respect in her and the relationship they have.. She stays, recognizing your own part in lack of communication is a long term thing, and I have to feel this awkward limbo for that whole process.. if it  even gets there.

I feel like I am walking on eggshells constantly. 

I should never have to question if a “Hello” will be taken the right way and that’s how i fucking feel. 

[markleesthighs]

Hotel! AU With Lucas~?? 👉👈

-idk what you meant by hotel, but umm manager lucas makes me think, so like crazy rich!y/n x hotel manager! lucas

[7:27 PM] Your finally got off your long plane ride, landing in Seoul. Your sister was getting married to her longtime boyfriend, which was a wedding the talk of all of Seoul. Your sister was an actress and her boyfriend was a famous director, both winning oscars overseas. You, on the other hand was a world class fashion icon, showing up at multiple fashion weeks and constantly having high class brands beg for your to wear their pieces. It would be no shock that once you stepped off your family’s private jet, there was paparazzi active, asking who you were wearing and what you were planning on wearing to the wedding. Your sisters wedding was in one of the most exclusive and expensive hotels in all of Seoul, and they rented out the entire hotel for its guests. Your limo pulled up to the gates where you stated your name and verified your identification to let the guards open the gates. As you pulled up a handsome man who opened the limo door for you and held your hand. You felt some sort of warmth to his touch and his eyes made your heart melt. You hadn’t felt this way about someone since your ex boyfriend 2 years ago. What were you thinking? Someone like you? Dating someone like him? It would be the end of the world for the both of you. You looked down at his name tag as it read “Lucas” An interesting name you thought.

“Hello I am Lucas, the manager of the hotel, let us help you with your luggage and any accommodations you will need.” He said as he graciously held your purse for you.

“Thank you.”

You walked into the hotel to be greeted with your sister squealing bringing you into a hug. You hugged her fiancé as you caught up with her while Lucas checked you in.

“Miss y/n, you are checked in for the presidential suite at the top floor, let me also show you to your room and give you the tour.”

“T-thank you”

You sister noticed your stutter, something that generally can back when you were flustered or around someone you liked. She gave you a smirk and winked as you rolled your eyes and glared at her, hoping Lucas didn’t see.

You walked into an elevator with only you and Lucas as it was dead silent. You looked at him looking at his fashion choices, which you generally judged people on. He had Cartier studs, a perfectly fitted Hermès suit, a shiny new Rolex, and shiny Gucci loafers. He had good taste you thought to yourself. As the elevator door opened you tripped on elevator crack with your heel as he caught you hold you firmly and supporting you.

“Are you alright? You must be more careful when stepping off with such beautiful Louboutin shoes, I wouldn’t want to scuff those.”

You were starstruck, he smelled like Versace cologne and it mixed beautifully with your Chanel No. 5 perfume as you saw he also took a liking to your perfume. He helped you stand back up with his arm now supporting you as you both strolled to your room. You noticed that Lucas was still taller than you with your heels on which was rare since most guys wouldn’t dare approach you with your reflective sunglasses and intimidating behavior. Lucas unlocked and opened the door to one of the most luxurious hotel rooms you’ve seen. You’ve traveled and stayed at expensive hotels overseas but nothing compared to this suite. It smelled like fresh cotton and flowers, and everything was perfectly polished and cleaned. You were marveled, you would usually have at least a complaint by now but you were left speachless. Your clothes were already placed in the closet, color coded perfectly. All of your skincare and makeup of beautifully organized on the sink and vanity.

“Is everything up to your standards, miss y/n?.”

“Y-yes...h-how did.”

“We consulted your assistants, butlers, and maids overseas about your standards and wanted to make sure they were followed accordingly.”

You looked over at the vase of violets.

“How did you know violets were my favorite?”

“I didn’t. I always think violets have a calming scent and look, that can make any place feel like home.” He said with a smile.

“If theres anything else we can do for you, you can give us a call on the phones or use the PA systems located around your room. Enjoy your stay. “

As he walked out you took a look around your room, hoping to find a complaint (to see Lucas again) but you had none. You even noticed your bed was folded perfectly so a flap would be open on the side of the bed you slept on. As you sat down you got a call from your sister who was begging you to come down to the hotel’s restaurant to go have dinner with her and her fiancé, to catch up and go over last minute wedding decorations (since you had one of the most detailed eyes in the world). You agreed as you changed into a Dior sundress, Hermès sandals, and a Prada clutch. You opened the elevator to the entrance of the restaurant where your sister was exitedly waving you down at their table.

“It’s so lovely to see you again, I love that dress!”

“Thanks, it’s from Dior’s 2021 spring line.”

“2021?? Darling that’s a year away how did you get your hands on this piece?”

“I didn’t most brands send me their upcoming lines to see if it meet my approval and will curve with current fashion trends.”

“You never fail to amaze me, y/n.”

As you were about to speak a waiter came by and dropped off some warm green tea for you. It was your signature drink, so it wasn’t a long shot, until you took a sip. It was made to your liking. It was seeped from the Da-Hong Pao brand with a teaspoon of Elvish honey. They even got the temperature exactly right, at 175 degrees. You suspected Lucas. He made everything perfect for you, it was nice, but you assumed he did that for all of his guests. You all continued to talk over dinner, creating conversations from cute dogs on Instagram to which way bridesmaids should present themselves at the wedding. After dinner you all transitioned to the grand ballroom, the main stage for the wedding. Your sister was nervously twiddled her fingers as you gazed at the decor. Lucas came in short after following you around taking notes, hanging on your every word.

“These flowers aren’t fresh replace all of them by tomorrow, make sure all of the silverware is perfectly straight next to the plate, turn the centerpieces by 35 degrees so the lights hit them better, the goody bag bags look tacky, replace them with Louis Vultton bags and put in Louis Vultton, Gucci, and Channel accessories, with each bag with different ones so they never match.”

“B-but, y/n, we can’t possibly purchase that in time!”

“Don’t worry sis, Lucas please charge any additional items that I’ve adjusted onto my card.”

“y/n please! You’re our guest!”

“Stop it. What else am I going to blow with all money? It’s worth it for your wedding.”

You handed Lucas your card as he wrote down your information. You continued on your purge to the point where your sister and fiancé got tired and went up to their room exhausted and they definitely needed some rest. So now it was just you and Lucas in the ballroom, alone.

“Miss, y/n, I know you want everything to be perfect for your sisters wedding, but I think you’re beating a dead horse at this point. “

“I am not!”

“Do you really think moving the chair in by one centimeter it really necessary?”

You sighed as you looked at your sandals.

“No, it’s not.”

“Why are you so punctual about this, miss y/n, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s cause, this, was supposed to be my wedding. I was engaged two years ago, to a man who only wanted me for my money. I had all the wedding planning set until I was informed he was trying to sell my stocks and take everything from my bank account and runaway with some other famous B lister model. So once I heard my sister was getting married, I let her have my wedding plans. So now, I’m being overly punctual, since I know I would be like this on my wedding day.”

“Well, sometimes imperfect things allow the world to let it be perfect in ways you’ve never known. If this were my wedding, I wouldn’t care how lavish or perfect it was, as long as I was marrying someone I loved.”

Lucas’ words resonated into your mind, maybe you needed to let things be imperfect, even for your sister.

“So be it then, I’m done ‘perfecting’ for the night. Afterall, it’s not my wedding.”

As you walked out Lucas called out your name, and asking for your number. You hesitated asking him why and he said to discuss any issues that occur on the day of the wedding so he can contact you and discuss any certain changes. Right, he wasn’t trying to hit on you, why would he want to, he probably has a girlfriend or something right? You gave him your number and you walked into the elevator back to your room. You fantasized what it would be like to date him, going out on lavish dates, not worrying about who was going to pay for the check, and you felt that you would have a fun time with him. You took your shower and came out of the bathroom to see that you’re missing your roller from your skincare routine. You called Lucas up in your robe and wet hair to ask him for your cold Jade roller you used to smoothen and contour your face. He brought it up and gave it to you. But as he left, you grabbed his arm and asked him to roll your face for you, since your maids would do it for you. He chuckled as he submit to your request sitting down on your bed with you as you watched him gently roll your face. His eyes looked so delicate carefully not trying to put too much pressure on your face. You felt your heart beating faster every time you were around him, he was unpredictable to you and he was never intimidated by you either. You had never been able to open up to someone as easily as him.

When he was finished you noticed it started to thunderstorm, which worried you, since you had a secret fear of thunder and lightning. Lucas looked at you and gently caressed your face, making sure everything rolled correctly. But as he was about to get up a loud clash of the lightning struck and you squeaked as you fell into his arms holding on to him tight.

“P-please, d-don’t leave yet...”

Lucas looked at you in sympathy but got up leaving you in the dust. You were disappointed, knowing things like this would happen, even if you did like him. Who would even want to date- But Lucas returned dressed in his comfortable clothes which he received from the cleaning maids on your floor. He quickly came back to your shivering state hearing another clash of thunder. Lucas pulled you into a cuddling embrace in your bed. He also came back with some Airpods and played your favorite music to drown out the noise of the storm. You soon fell asleep on his chest, feeling warm and safe in his arms.

-pt. 2?? wedding day?

[kpoptart216]

Promises (Jimin’s POV)

Promises pt 1

Park Jimin was a lot of things- he was a son, a brother, a friend, a band member of one of the biggest boy bands in the world. But perhaps one of the biggest things he took pride in was being best friends with you. 

Your friendship was one to be admired from everyone else. You had grown up together and all the years together (and apart) made you both incredibly close.

You were his rock, his person. Even when he became an idol, a person that the whole word suddenly looked at, he relied on you. Sure, there was now lots of people in his life, but you both managed to maintain a solid friendship. 

There were many times that he was asked if there was the chance he had feelings for you. Afterall, it wouldn’t be that hard. You were drop dead gorgeous, and you had an ever prettier personality. Falling in love with you would be easy. 

But every time someone asked him, be it his parents or even the rest of the members, he was quick to shake his head no. You both were friends, period. 

But, when Jimin had a moment alone, he would always think of that possibility. Did he have feelings for you? But he always pushed that thought aside, telling himself that nothing was worth ruining your friendship. He just couldn’t bare losing you. 

So, Jimin did his best to move his romantic interests elsewhere. It was hard, especially when you cuddled during every movie night and he could smell the soft scent of your hair. Or when you were there after every concert to give him the biggest hug just to tell him how proud of him you were. 

But he had to do it, so that he doesn’t end up catching feelings for you. Feelings he shouldn’t have for his best friend. Feelings that could jeopardize your whole friendship.

When you had introduced Li-ah to all the boys, Jimin didn’t think much of it. Sure, he found her cute, but his eyes had constantly travelled your way which you never seemed to notice. He had asked for Li-ah’s number to selfishly see if it would get a reaction out of you but much to his dismay, you had agreed to give him her number. Not much later, he had heard you tell Taehyung  that you didn’t have feelings for Jimin, and he was surprised by how much that had stung.

So he did his best to swallow his feelings once again and at least text Li-ah, as he told you he would. What he didn’t plan on was actually hitting it off with her. 

Li-ah shared some similarities with you, he had noticed on their first date. It made him smile when Li-ah squealed at a dog that passed by just the way you would. It wasn’t fair that he was comparing the both of you, but in the moment he didn’t really care. He needed to take his mind off of you and it seemed like he found a good replacement.

Maybe it was because he found you two both to be similar but within a few weeks, he had asked Li-ah to be his girlfriend. It felt...natural and Jimin really enjoyed having her around, though he missed hanging out with you. He had to cancel hanging out with you maybe just once or twice, but you reassured him it was ok. Wasn’t he supposed to dedicate most of his free time to his girlfriend anyways? 

In the back of his head he knew he forgot something, but you brushed it off when he had asked. Plus, it seemed like you were spending more and more time with the boys, especially Taehyung, who he once overhead proclaim to be your new best friend. It had stung when he heard it, but he told himself that Taehyung was simply joking, no one could ever take that role away from him. Not now, not ever. So what if he had a girlfriend?

In order to make up for at least some of the lost time, Jimin rang you up one morning. You had excitedly agreed to hang out with him and the both of you had spent the day doing all the things you loved. 

On the way home, Jimin made it a point to apologize for being absent for so long. “I would never break your promise, you know that right?” he asks. He misses the way your smile slightly falters. 

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t either” you said, smiling. 

Oh how he missed you and that smile. That smile that still made his heart beat a little faster. It was simply because he missed you, he told himself. Li-ah, that’s who he loved. 

But after he dropped you off, he missed you instantly. Just having you next to him and that thought alone scared him. So once again, Jimin did what he did best. He pushed those feelings aside and continued to spend more and more time with Li-ah, cancelling on you over and over again. Li-ah made it easy too, because she either invited herself over when she knew Jimin was home or would ask to meet at her place.

Recently though, Jimin had noticed that whenever Li-ah was over, Taehyung would step out to “hang out with a friend” and though Jimin didn’t question it since Taehyung had lots of friends, he had an inkling that it was you most of the times. 

One night, Jimin was watching a movie with Li-ah at the dorms, a movie he had previously seen with you, when he saw Taehyung rush to the front door. He had opened the door and he could him converse with a voice he knew by heart belonged to you. He could hear your faint giggles and the way his heart jumped again made him shift uncomfortably on the couch. 

When you had made your way to the living room, Jimin greeted you as if he hadn’t heard you just a few seconds ago. You greeted him back and Li-ah also, who had simply acknowledged your presence with a “hi”.

Jimin had inquired what you were doing here, though you had been over all the time previously. “Oh I invited her over” Taehyung claimed, stating that you were just going to watch a movie or something with Jungkook too. For some reason, that made Jimin....jealous. In fact, it made him kind of frustrated because the only thing he wanted to do was join you guys like you had all done in the past. Those nights were some of his favorites. 

“Oh ok, have fun!” he said faking enthusiasm. He could hear the pettiness in his voice, which was incredibly unfair since you had done absolutely nothing wrong, but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed that he was stuck watching a movie the both of you had deemed unworthy of a second watch months ago when you got to hang out and play with his friends. 

He once again missed the way your smile faltered and without another word you had walked off as if he had dismissed you from his presence. He could faintly hear Taehyung and Jungkook converse and talk and briefly wondered why you weren’t saying before Li-ah brought his attention back to pick out a second movie. 

The weeks seemed to move slowly for Jimin after that night. Practice was draining and he felt stressed with the upcoming album and comebacks. He honestly kind of forgot about you for a while till Namjoon had asked Taehyung how you were doing. It irked him that his hyung had to ask Tae of all people since it used to be him he would have asked. 

“Oh.. she’s uhm, doing ok” Taehyung said nervously. Jimin knew Taehyung and he could tell something was off. 

“She hasn’t been over in a while! I still need a rematch from our game” Jungkook pouted. 

“Oh..yeah, she’s just been busy with stuff” Taehyung said, which wasn’t a lie. You were busy. Busy with work, and treatment. 

Jimin sighed, figuring if something was wrong, he should ask you first. He had texted you during the next break and asked to get dinner the next night to which you quickly responded that you were too busy. How was he supposed to know you had a doctor’s appointment that day?

The next time he offered a week later, you had declined again saying you weren’t feeling too well. He figured it was just your time of month since he remembered you had painful cramps in the past. 

He dismissed it though because in two weeks it would be his birthday, a day you would absolutely never miss. He texted you the details for his big day and had told you that you had to be there no matter what to which you agreed to. So imagine his shock and disappointment when you didn’t show. And even better, he had to hear it from Taehyung and not you? You had to miss out tonight because of a work emergency? Absolute bullshit. Even if it were true, why couldn’t you just call him and tell him yourself? 

Jimin’s mood remained sour for quite a while till he finally started to enjoy himself at the party. He still felt a dull pain from the lack of your presence though because this was the first birthday in many, many years that you were not there to celebrate right by his side. Even when he wasn’t in the country, you would fly out to celebrate, throwing work aside. 

He engaged with everyone at the party, Li-ah sticking to his side like glue the entire night. Her eyes sparkled every time she met another celebrity friend. After some time, Jimin left Li-ah to get a drink where for the both of them when he ran into Taehyung by the drinks. He could tell he seemed out of it, since Taehyung was usually the life of the party during things like this. He always made him feel extra special on his birthday, so it sucked seeing his other best friend uninterested in the night. 

“Uhm, you ok man?” Jimin asked as he poured a drink into his glass. 

“Oh hey. Uh, yeah I’m good. Just kind of tired is all” Taehyung said, looking away. “You enjoying the night?” He asked, making small talk. 

“Yeah, it’s great. I wish Y/n were here though...” Jimin said. Taehyung frowned at Jimin, hating having to lie to him. But at the same time, Tae was mad at Jimin for not even trying to inquire further about you. He could have easily stopped by your apartment one night to check up on you and it would have been obvious that something was wrong with you. It wouldn’t have been hard, Taehyung had been doing it despite their schedules. 

“Hmm. Yeah. You should go cut the cake” Taehyung said, gesturing towards the giant cake that two of his friends were bringing his way before the entire crowd burst into happy birthday. 

Jimin smiled as he blew out the candles, looking around at his friends. What he didn’t expect though was to see Taehyung walking out the door with a jacket in hand. Did his friend just walk out on his birthday party and not even say a word?

So once again his mood soured. Li-ah was no where to be seen and he didn’t feel like mingling with his friends when his two best friends were off doing something else.

The party died a few hours later and Li-ah made her way over to him again after disappearing previously. “Hey babe, where have you been?” Jimin asked, kissing her forehead as she walked into his room. 

“Oh...uh.. just talking with a few people here in there. I’ve been around, you just didn’t see me I guess” Li-ah said, pushing him away slightly to get changed herself. 

Jimin ignored the way she awkwardly fidgeted and changed before stepping into bed and falling asleep wondering what you and Taehyung were possibly up to. 

He woke up the next morning to Li-ah still sound asleep next to him on the other side of the bed. He desperately needed some coffee and some aspirin after all the alcohol last night so he stepped out of the room quietly to get his morning dose of coffee. 

Hoseok was also there and he complained that Jimin was being too loud, also feeling the effects of the various drinks he ingested the night before. 

“Is everyone still sleeping” Jimin asked a little more quietly. 

“Uhh... Jungkook went to work out. He said after eating everything last night he really looked like a rabbit. I think Tae is at Y/n’s? I haven’t seen him since last night. What’s up with those two, are they a thing now?” Hoseok asks out loud before plopping himself down on a chair. 

“Tae...is at Y/n’s? He left the party to go see...her?” Jimin asks. 

“Uhm...” Hoseok stalls, realizing he probably shouldn’t have said anything, especially so early in the morning. “I don’t know. I just know he didn’t come home last night and he sent a snap this morning from what I assumed was her place...” Hoseok says, missing the way Jimin’s face turned hot red from anger. 

Before Hoseok could say anything else, Taehyung walked through the front door, looking as tired as the two sipping on coffee. He was still in the clothes from the party, only sparking more doubt within Jimin. 

“Where did you run off too?” Jimin sneered. 

“I’m going to sleep” Taehyung said simply, ignoring the question. 

“I asked you a question” Jimin said more forcefully, standing up from his chair”

“and as you can see, I ignored it” Taehyung glared at the boy before him before walking off to his room and slamming the door, earning another groan from Hoseok. “I’m going to need more coffee...” Hoseok said sadly as he stood up to make more coffee. 

It didn’t take much longer before Jimin changed and rushed out of the dorm in pure anger. 

Before he knew it, Jimin was pounding on your door. It took a minute or two before you responded, and even when you did, you had assumed it was Taehyung, which just made him angrier. He pushed right past you, not even taking a good look at you. Maybe if he did... he would have noticed. 

When he finally turned back around, he saw you rubbing at your shoulder from the impact of where he pushed your shoulder with his. “You want to explain what the hell is going on?” He asked, disregarding it. 

“Hi to you too...” you said, trying to joke. 

“Really? What the fuck Y/n!” he says, practically panting from anger. “Where the hell have you been?” he asks. 

“I’ve been busy Chim...” you said. That just sounded pathetic. 

“really? Busy? too busy to come see me? Too busy on my fucking birthday? Is that all that’s left for us now?” he asks angrily. 

You said you wanted to be there, but he couldn’t believe you. “You had Taehyung over! Are you two together? Are you both fucking, is that what this is?” Jimin erupts. 

“No Jimin, you don’t understand” you say, starting to tear up. 

“I don’t? Then please enlighten me. What happened to not breaking our promise, huh?” Jimin asks again. 

You tried to formulate a sentence but Jimin interrupts you “You don’t even have an excuse! You know what, if you don’t want to try, then neither do I. Just know, I’m not the one who broke the promise. It was you” Jimin says before walking out and slamming the door behind him. 

Jimin made his way to the garage of your apartment when he saw Taehyung park just a few spaces down from him. Out popped Taehyung from his car with a bag of what he assumed was food. 

“Back for seconds?” Jimin sneers again, his voice dripping with venom. 

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung had asked, shocked. 

“Why do you care? Oh that’s right, I forgot that you two don’t care about anyone but yourselves. Have fun with her, see if I care” Jimin says before walking towards his own car before Taehyung grabs him and shoves him against his own car. 

“What the hell did you say to her” Taehyung asks, furious. Jimin had never seen his friend so angry. 

“You know, you two deserve each other” Jimin says, pushing Taehyung off of him. Taehyung had simply scoffed at him before running to the elevator, looking panicked. 

Jimin had gotten into his car and parked his car the next street over trying to calm himself when Li-ah called a few minutes later, wondering where he was. Jimin lied, saying he stepped out to get food and Li-ah requested what he thought was avocado toast, he couldn’t really hear over the ambulance heading his way. Jimin notices the ambulance heading towards your apartment and as he watches after the ambulance, he feels for his wallet in his pocket only to realize it’s not there. He quickly scans his car and figures it must have fallen on the floor in his little scuffle with Taehyung earlier. He sighs before driving back to your garage. 

He parks his car in the same spot, and found his wallet immediately after getting out of the car. Before stepping back in the car, he noticed the ambulance parked by the elevators and he really hoped it wasn’t for the old lady across from you, because she was really sweet. 

But when the elevator doors opened, it was just as if time had stopped. It wasn’t some neighbor of yours, it was you. 

His legs took over before he even processed what was happening. He was at your side in an instant as you laid unconscious on the gurney with Taehyung on the other side looking incredibly scared. 

“Y/n...y/n what happened” Jimin asks, hoping you’d open your eyes. 

“Sir, I’m going to need you to step aside please” the paramedic urges. “Mr. Kim will you be riding with us?” the other paramedic asks Taehyung. 

“Yes of course” Taehyung says with evident tears in his eyes. 

“Taehyung what happened please” Jimin pleads as they load you into the ambulance. “What happened to her? Is...Is it because of me?” Jimin asks, beginning to tear up himself as he watches after you with sad eyes. 

“YES” Taehyung yelled. “YOU ARE SO FULL OF IT THAT YOU COULDN’T EVEN SEE YOUR SO CALLED BEST FRIEND SUFFER THIS WHOLE TIME. NOT WHEN SHE SO CLEARLY HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU. AND NOT NOW WHEN SHES SICK WITH CANCER”. 

Cancer. 

Cancer. 

You had cancer. 

The word rang through his ears as he just stood there in shock as he watched Taehyung got into the ambulance and ride with you. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

The wind was literally knocked out of him as he dropped to the floor struggling to breathe. He sobbed thinking about how careless he had been, how he failed as a friend, and how he apparently failed to realize you had feelings for him. The same feelings he had harbored for you all these years. 

He failed. 

He doesn’t know how long he was there, sobbing his eyes out, when he felt a hand placed on his shoulder. 

He looked up through the tears in his eyes to the same neighbor he thought of earlier. 

“Young man, what are you doing here?” she asked. 

“It’s..It’s y/n.. she’s sick.. and I didn’t even know. I didn’t even know! and I don’t know how sick she is.. and it’s my fault”

The old lady looked at him with sad eyes. “Cancer can be like that” she said, sadly. Even she had known of your condition before he did, making him sob more. 

“But what’s important is the support she has now as she fights it. I know that young lady, she’s pretty special. And she’s going to need you now more than ever. Sweetheart, her sickness is not your fault. However, you do play a part in her recovery” she said. “You should go to her. I don’t know what happened between you two, but it’s clear to me you both mean a lot to each other. So go sweetheart, she needs you now” she urged. 

Jimin stood, wiping his tears away. He simply nodded and thanked her before running to his car and got on his way to you. 

A/N: I’m going to do another part with the resolution. I hope you like this as I had so much fun writing it!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me feedback. Should I even write the next part??

[luxurxously-pale]

Words Left Unsaid six

warning- ddlg/little space

word count- 4499  

series masterlist   previous chapter 

Reid, being Reid, immediately took notice of her body language. “Yes...” he trails off and looks her up and down. “Are you okay?” He asks her softly “is there something you would like to tell me?” He asks her. He wasn’t sure how to approach this. The dogs starting licking on her face, noting her distress too

Adelyn let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, she avoided his eyes looking anywhere but him. She immediately looked in the direction he pulled her from to see if Jake was still there. “I uh we should probably head back to your house?” She said it more like a question, she wasn’t sure why she wanted to be at his house rather than hers but all she knew was she wanted to be away from the public, there were way too many variables to focus on

He nodded even though he was ready to interrogate the living hell out of her when they got home. He took a quick peak around to see if he saw anything suspicious. He grabbed her hand and immediately dragged all four of them out of the alley. He started speed walking to get back to his place. “You have a lot to explain.” He warns her as he watches his apartment building appear

Adelyn avoided his gaze the entire walk, she withdrew her hand from his almost immediately focusing more on the beautiful dog that was happily trotting alongside the two agents. She glanced up at him hearing his voice she gave a slight nod, her brain drifting to the painful memories of the past

Reid quickly got them in the apartment, locking the doors. He then went and made sure that all the windows were locked even though he was up pretty high. “Now either you can tell only me the story of how you know him and have an emotional support puppy or you could tell the whole team. Your pick.” He tells her softly as he scoops up the dogs

Adelyn followed him basically running up the stairs, she let out a small breath feeling slightly better now that he secured the room. It didn’t stop her from walking around the apartment to check each room. She felt foolish but she also knew it was the only way she could focus on a conversation. She turned to him hearing him speak, she chewed on the inside of her lower lip her eyebrows furrowed, “I know- knew…him.” She muttered out, she walked back toward the couch with the intent to sit down but it was useless- she started to pace as she was going through all the situations possible and impossible, “I- how the fuck is he even here?! He- I-'' she spoke mostly to herself, “I did everything right..I got rid of the house, cards and all even changed my last name!” She shook her head still pacing angrily- she knew by the time Spencer would stop her she would break down, she didn't know who to trust in the moment-though she truly did know who to trust but in the moment her brain was fried

Spencer watched her start having a breakdown. He put the puppies down on the couch and wrapped her in a hug. Most times he wasn’t one for hugs but he figured she really needed this. “It’s okay. Let’s take some deep breaths then we will start.” He tells her softly. “Let’s just focus on taking breaths. In and out. Let’s calm our mind.” He at one point was considering becoming a therapist, he went to school for it too for a little bit. He ended up not liking it. “Now start when you and your body feels ready.”

Adelyn flinched immediately when he wrapped his arms around her, she was about to fight against him until she heard his voice. She let out a small sound- it was a mixture of fear and relief. She took a few minutes before she let out a few shaky breaths. “I- he-'' she shook her head a little leaning into him a little more, “I was engaged to him..” she muttered, “I was with him for 4 or so years..we got engaged after the third..then as the fourth approached I called it off..'' She knew she would have to continue so she did without prompting. “It was fine the first year..then as we went into the second I noticed he changed..sure he went out a lot was a very closed off person but he started to get aggressive…controlling. Then by the third he was..” she paused to take a breath she clenched her jaw letting herself calm down so her voice didn’t sound as watery “By the third well..” she let out a bitter laugh, “He was constantly on about  how i shouldn’t go out, I shouldn’t dress like I did..how I wasn’t enough.” She frowned a bit, “The middle of the third year he started to get physical..” she trailed off leaning into him to the point she was basically hanging off of Spencer

He stood there and hugged her, he softly and slowly grabbed her hand, making sure she knew where his hand was going. He let his thumb caress her hand. He made sure not to make any sudden moves as he didn’t want to startle her. Though hearing that another human being could hurt someone for no reason angered him greatly. How could someone be so cruel as to do that to another human? He never understood it. “Remember to take deep breaths'' he didn’t know what else to say other than that. Sure he was a genius but no one had discovered how to take another person's pain away. He really wishes he could take all those terrible memories away. He wanted to say sorry but he was almost sure that he would sound stupid. “Do you need to sit down?” He asks her softly

Adelyn was damn near shaking like a leaf, she never spoke about this with anyone. She was constantly moving from place to place. She thought the BAU was a good place to settle considering how safe it seemed. She nodded a little hearing the words ‘sit down’ she followed him to the couch staying glued to his side, “After I left…he’s been following every step..I thought I got far enough but apparently not…I didn’t know what he truly did.” She frowned feeling stupid considering she had been training to be a profiler much to his disliking- which was also a part of his sick motive when abusing her

He sat down, keeping his arms around her. He listened to her, trying not to show his anger as that’s not what she needed right now. What she needed was someone to hold her and listen. He could take care of his anger later on, now wasn’t a good time and might scare her off. “Well I’m here now and I’m going to protect you.” He says confidently. “If he wants to get to you, he’ll have to get through me first.” He tells her. “Now this is a weird question but what’s your favorite smell?” He has a perfect plan for her to relax.

Adelyn couldn’t find it in herself to calm down but hearing him utter the promise of protecting her, her rigid body started to become putty against him. She let out a laugh hearing the odd question, “My fav-'' she paused a minute to think, “Uh..I’m not really sure? I guess the smell of a beach? I’m not sure how to describe it..it’s been ages'' her voice came out small almost a whisper

He nods and slowly unwraps himself from her and plops the puppies on her. “Now I’ll be right back.” He promises. He quickly rushes to the bathroom and runs her a bath. He found the closest ‘beach’ smelling bath bombs he could. Yes he had bath bombs and was prepared to fight anyone who laughed at him. Baths are calming and recommended by doctors. He walks back out and grabs some cookies and milk, putting them next to the bath. He shuts off the water before walking out to her “I ran you a bath with some snacks. Something to help you relax your muscles and brain.” He explains

Adelyn nodded a little before she cuddled into the fluff of a puppy, the puppy didn’t put up much of a fight. She looked up at him with a curious look, “I..” she frowned, feeling foolish for what she was about to say but she knew he wouldn’t judge her, “I don’t want to be alone..” she looked down, finding the pattern in the puppy’s fur to be much more interesting.

He stands there and thinks for a moment. “Well I could always just face the door while you lay there.” He suggests “well if you’re comfortable with that.” His face turns into a very dark red. He didn’t want her to think he was some type of creep. “I just want to do whatever makes you comfortable. Though I do suggest you take a bath as doctors always talk about how helpful they are for your mind.”

Adelyn nodded a little, she chewed on her lower lip and gently moved the pup that was on her lap, “Do you have bubbles?” She questioned quietly, “If you do we can just use that to cover me…if not I don’t mind we are both adults..I trust you Spence.” She wasn’t quick to trust but something about him made her feel safe..comfortable.

He nods “of course I have bubbles. Who doesn’t keep bubbles.” He asks her as if she just asked the world's stupidest question. He went to the bathroom and poured some in before walking back out. “I once read an article that said humans like hot baths because it reminds them of the womb so I tried to match womb temperature but that’s hard to do with a bathtub so I did the best I could.” He informs her, happily

Adelyn let out a small giggle, she slowly felt herself relaxing. It helped that Spencer was the biggest dork in the world. She followed behind him quietly listening to him, she let out a loud laugh hearing the fact, “Spence..” She paused a minute to look down with a big smile. It was similar to his signature smile, “You’re a big dork.” She giggled a bit before she quickly hugged him, her head resting on his chest

He smiled down at her and was taken aback by the hug but quickly hugged her back. He rubbed her back softly “I just want to create a relaxing environment for you. I can’t imagine what it was like having to relive that to tell me.” He explains to her “you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for and I’m proud of you for telling me. You don’t ever have to keep stuff from me. You know that right?” He asks her softly. He wasn’t a touch type of person but he really liked hugs from her

Adelyn felt herself blush at his praises, she knew she had a soft spot for them but coming from him it felt completely different. She nodded a little before she begrudgingly let go of him, “I know..” she gave him a sad smile before she took a deep breath, “Alright pretty boy turn around and get the bubbles.” She giggled a bit

He chuckled as he pointed toward the gallon of bubbles he had put on the counter. He turned around and faced the door. He made sure he sat where you couldn’t even see the toilet that was near the bath, in the corner of his vision. In his mind she had trusted him with her privacy and he needs to make sure he takes it very seriously. “I hope the bath isn’t too cold.” He tells her softly

Adelyn nodded a little undressing, tying her hair up in a bun trying to ignore him in the room even though she desperately needed someone with her. Before carefully pouring the bubbles into the water, she got distracted when he spoke, pouring way too much. She let out a small sound of surprise and annoyance, she dipped her finger in the water, “It’s perfect.” She smiled a bit before slipping into the tub carefully. She let out a content sound submerging herself to her shoulders. “alright…you can look now.”

He slowly turns around, unsure if this was going to make her uncomfortable. He stood up to sit down on the toilet. “I love baths. They just give me the type of relaxation that nothing else can. Not even books.” He chuckles softly as he looks down at his hands, not sure where to look. He was clearly a little nervous. He didn’t want to accidentally disrespect her.

Adelyn giggled a little, “who would’ve thought, our very own Spence liked baths and relaxing.” She teased looking over at him she took in his nervous state and let out a small giggle, “Spence…as much as I appreciate you not looking I'm completely covered…I may have put WAY too much bubbles so I’m most definitely not going to be giving you a free show.” She smiled

He chuckles softly “I know but..” he trails off “it’s just you trusted me enough to be in the bathroom with you and I’m scared that I’m somehow going to break that trust. I know that sounds stupid but I guess I’m just nervous.” He shrugs softly. “You’re a great person and I really don’t want you to be mad at me or anything.” He explains to her. He wasn’t one for explaining how he was feeling though he felt comfortable with her. It was like how he was comfortable with telling Derek things. Just he’s known her for a lot less of time

Adelyn smiled a little she was about to reach over and grab his hand but she knew for one, water would get everywhere him included and for two she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable so she simply looked up at him with a comforting smile, “Spence..it’s not stupid! You’re literally the sweetest guy there is.” She smiled more, admitting it with a light blush, “I won’t get mad I promise I know you have no malicious intentions..at least I hope not.” She joked a bit hoping to soften the somewhat tense air. She wasn’t sure how but he had effectively calmed her down to the point she basically forgot Jake was in town.

He chuckles softly “you know the roof has an amazing view if you want to go check it out after your bath.” He suggests it to her. “I like going up there after hard cases and just talking to the stars. It’s actually really nice because believe it or not the stars don’t talk back.” He jokes with her as his smile comes back to his face. “They are great listeners, don’t even interrupt!” He exclaims

Adelyn's head tilted back as she laughed her eyes crinkling at the edges, she shook her head a bit and looked up at him, she then realized she didn’t have a change of clothes causing her to purse her lips a bit, “Hey Spencer” she dragged out the last syllable before putting on her best pout paired with puppy dog eyes even though she knew he wouldn’t care about her question, “Do you have a shirt I could borrow?”

He nods “of course I do.” He tells her “I’ll go grab some clothes quickly. He came back with an old band tee and some sweatpants. “I know they’ll be a bit big on you but I didn’t think you’d mind as it would be comfy. I’ve always found baggy clothes better than any other type of clothes.” He tells her as he lays them on the counter “if you’re ready to get out, I’m going to quickly step out so you can do whatever you need.” He tells her

Adelyn smiled a bit and she got slightly anxious with him stepping out but allowed it knowing she couldn’t lean on him forever. She waited five more minutes before she got out drying herself off. She was glad she took a shower before she went to his house, sliding on the pair of panties she wore before since they were still basically clean. She glared at her bra, not wanting to deal with it, so she simply slid on the T-shirt. She looked at the pants and held them to her hips snorting a bit seeing they would definitely fall off, she shrugged a bit folding them nicely, she was hoping Spence wouldn’t be uncomfortable with her leaving off the pants along with her bra- she was comfortable enough with him that she didn’t care. she cleaned up the slight mess she made and headed back to him.

He was on the couch with the puppies cuddled up to him. He cracked open a book while he waited for her. When she walked back out she almost took his breath away. She looked adorable in his hoodie and no pants. He quickly drew his gaze away, knowing that he’d soak in her appearance all day long if he could. “I’m glad I could help with her bath.” He speaks, breaking the silence

Adelyn set the pants down on a chair before carefully folding her bra into the bag she had brought with. She looked over with a smile, “Thank you by the way…you have no idea how much it means.” She quietly walked over sitting down next to him, the dogs made it almost impossible to give personal space but she personally didn’t mind. She looked over at him with a soft smile, her eyes full of vulnerability, “You’re the first person to calm me down- not only so fast but really in general.”

He smiles softly at her “I’m really glad I could help you.” He was so happy he could help her. He loved helping people, that’s why he joined the FBI after all. Though another part of his mind was going elsewhere as he couldn’t stop thinking about how soft her lips must be. “Are you hungry or thirsty? Or tired?” He asks her, he was trying to keep himself distracted from the thoughts that crept in from how good she currently locked

Adelyn shrugged a bit leaning into him without really thinking about it, it was basically instincts at this point. She wasn’t sure what she wanted at the moment besides him as stupid as she thought she sounded. “Just you.” She mumbled her eyes drooping a bit, the whole event taking a toll on her.

His breath hitched in his throat a bit as she leaned into him more. He had to make himself focus on his book so he could actually be a supportive friend and make sure she was okay. His arm went around her and his hand went up to her hair to play with it. “Why don’t I read some of the books?” He asks her. He didn’t wait for an answer as he softly started reading aloud and playing with her hair.

Adelyn basically went limp when he started to play with her hair, she let out a small sound of agreement when he offered to read. She brought her legs up curling into his side more, after about 5 minutes of him reading to her she passed out completely content and feeling safe

He continued reading for another ten before he softly closed the book. He carefully got up and grabbed a blanket. He laid it over her and kissed her head softly. “Sweet dreams.” He decided they would talk to the team in the morning about Jake. Until then he wanted her to be well rested. He walked back to his room and laid in bed, thinking about her until he finally drifted off to sleep

Adelyn made a small displeasing noise when he moved but simply fell back asleep, she woke up around 3am panicked, she shot up looking around and relaxed slightly realizing she was okay. She got up hesitantly and carefully, quietly slipping into Spencer’s room. She climbed into his bed feeling like a child, she didn’t want to wake him so she simply slid beside him under the covers cuddling into his side

In his sleep he cuddled up to her, wrapping one arm around her. By the morning they had both the dogs laying in between them. Spencer woke up early like usual. He groaned as he sat up and looked around. His eyes landed on Adelyn, she was even pretty while asleep. He got up and started to make some eggs for her when she woke up. That and coffee.

Adelyn shifted a bit feeling the bed move when Spence got up before she simply cuddled into one of the dogs that was closer to her. She woke up 10 minutes later when the dog she was laying on aggressively got up running to the window barking seeing a bird. She made a displeased sound squinting at the dog

Spencer jumped a little bit when he heard the dogs barking and walked into the room. “I’m sorry for them waking you up.” He chuckles softly as he grabs one of the dogs. “They’re so vocal. Who would’ve guessed.” He shrugs with a smile “there’s some eggs and coffee in the kitchen.” He informs her

Adelyn looked over hearing him and she smiled sleepily at him before making grabby hands at him like a child, she wasn’t sure why- okay maybe she did know why but she wouldn’t admit it but she wanted to just stay in bed all day with him or at least have some sort of physical contact. She never realized how much she craved it when she had a bad day, she had gotten a taste of it from him and she was suddenly addicted it was like he was one of the most expensive street drug there was

He smiled softly and picked her up. “Let’s go eat in the kitchen. We can lay in bed for the first half of the day then we have to talk to the team about what happened yesterday okay?” He asks her softly as they walk out of his room. “We can’t avoid that forever.” He informs her as he sits her down at a stool

Adelyn let out a noise of surprise she wasn’t expecting him to lift her, she let out a small noise letting him know she was listening, she cuddled into him yawning quietly, she stilled a bit realizing what he was saying, “Do we have to Spence?” She asked quietly once he set her down. She looked at the table in front of her picking at the fraying table cloth

He nods softly “I know you don’t want to but I also know you don’t want to live in fear for the rest of your life.” He tells her as he places a plate and cup in front of her. “So let’s get him behind bars as fast as we can so then we don’t have to deal with him anymore.” He grabs himself his own cup of coffee. “Only temporary pain for a long time of relief”

Adelyn nodded a little and looked down. She let out a small breath, she felt bad but she ignored the food grabbing the mug taking a sip of it, she curled into herself as she held the warm mug, “I..He has a pattern.” She whispered

He nods as he listens to her “we might want to save this talk for the team as a whole. Everyone else can do a better job than just two people.” He explained to her. “So we will finish up our food and then we will go cuddle in bed for a little bit? Does that sound good to you?” He asks her “though by noon I’m calling the team.” He informs her

Adelyn nodded a little and gave him a slight smile over the mug, she curled into herself a little more suddenly grateful about how petite she was. She chewed on her lip, “I’m not that hungry..” she frowned, “I’m sorry…” she wasn’t sure why but she started to tear up feeling awful for not eating something he clearly made and from how kind he was being

He kissed the top of her head “it’s okay. You’re reliving a traumatic event. It’s normal to be scared and not want to eat. We will try again later.” He tells her as he picks her back up, chuckling softly as he does so. “Let’s go read some books for a little bit.” He tells her, carrying her back to the room.

Adelyn nodded a little and she set her head on his shoulder sniffling a little. She had noticed before when she got like this- she felt somewhat floaty, like she didn’t have a care in the world, she simply wanted to just simply…be. She never drew attention to it considering she had bigger things to worry about, but with Spencer she seemed to just simply slip into that floaty headspace

Spencer was starting to pick up on more and more signs that she liked acting younger at some points. He read a book a while back on DDLG and started connecting some behavior to her. He didn’t know how to bring it up, so he didn’t. At least not for now. He laid in bed and read a book to her until noon. “It’s time for me to call them.” He tells her softly

Adelyn listened as he read to her cuddling into his side, her head resting on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat and voice calmed her down to the point she started to toy with the ends of her hair, a habit she noticed a while back. She had a bad habit of sucking her thumb or and a habit toying with the ends of her hair when she was in this headspace and when she was completely content. She tensed a bit hearing him mention calling them, she chewed on her lower lip her eyes welling up with tears due to stress, “I-“ she frowned a bit and looked at the book her had in his hands, she let out a small defeated sigh muttering a small okay her voice an octave higher than usual.

He played with her hair for a couple minutes “while I’m calling them you should most likely get dressed as you know how much they love being in our business.” He chuckles softly. He slowly gets up off the bed and grabs his phone. He dialed hotch. He knew he could get the team to his house faster than anyone else.

[theheartsmistakes]

The Last Night: Part VII

Author’s Notes at the end... but if you’re just joining us:

Here is Part I

Here is Part II

Here is Part III

Here is Part IV

Here is Part V

Here is Part VI

At some point, she wasn’t sure when, Cordelia had laid down on the hard tempered ground. She stared up at the smoke colored sky and watched the clouds above her dance and swirl in airy shapes. The wound on her side had stopped hurting; all that was left was a dull ache, and a burning underneath her skin. She didn’t need to look down at her arms to see the black veins that crawled underneath her now ashen, skin. Her breathing had become labored, shallow, and her chest stretched as it tried to take its fill of the putrid air.

There was still so much she needed to say. There was so much she wanted to do.

“There’s time for that.” Her mother would say to her. “Stop being in such a rush. There is time for all that.”

It seemed she was running out of time.

The once hot hair now left her feeling cold. Her eyelids felt heavy. All she wanted was to close them, just for a moment, but she forced herself to keep them open.

Tragic.

She contemplated the word. Imagined it would be thrown around at her funeral— if she was to have one. If Belial was defeated and they managed to recover her body from this place, the word tragic would define the end of her life, as it did for so many Shadowhunters before her, all lives lost too early.

But that would not be what would make her death tragic. It would be because she died the same way she lived… alone.

The thought made her cry out and her hands gripped the sand that scratched beneath her skin.

It’s this place, she thought. It turns even your inner thoughts dark and dreadful.

She chased after images of people and things that she loved but even those left her feeling hollow and alone.

Then a memory came to her mind.

It was nothing grand or spectacular, a small moment actually. It was a week after she’d become engaged to James. Her mother had been dragging her to appointment after appointment claiming it would be ‘the wedding of the century’. The binding of a Herondale and a Carstairs. She’d grown weary and sick of dress appointments, cake shops, flowers, table clothes, and just craved some semblance of normal. She wanted to take Cortana in her hands, feel the bite of the metaled handle, hear the slight whistle as the blade arched through the air and slice the heads off the perfectly assorted flower arrangements in one clean sweep.

Most appointments, Cordelia had Lucie to keep her company, making the day a bit more bearable. But when Lucie had a previous engagement that she refused to tell Cordelia about James offered to come along to keep Cordelia company. 

He came to stand beside her in the center of an ostentatious ballroom that had a hand painted mural on the ceiling. Cordelia had her head all the way back staring at the image of Jonathon Shadowhunter, with great enormous white wings spread out from his back, charging after a group of mangy looking demon dogs. Their mothers were bent over a catalogue, conversing over decorations for the reception when she felt his shoulder brush against hers.

He leaned into her and his hair brushed her cheek. “Do you like ice cream?”

Thinking it was a joke, she laughed, but when she turned to look at him, his eyes blazed with mischief.

“Mother doesn’t allow me to have ice cream,” she said, and looked back up at the mural. “She says it will go right to my hips and rot my teeth.”

“Give me your shoes,” he said, suddenly urgent.

“What?”

He pressed his hand over her mouth and glanced at their mother’s. Tessa was leading Sona into the hall and went on about lining the floor in imported silks to cover the scuff marks in the wood.

“Give me your shoes,” he repeated. “They’ll make too much noise.”

A rush of excitement went through Cordelia as she reached down and slid her feet out of her pale pink heels and handed them to James.

He cradled them in-between his arm and his side and motioned for her to follow him.

“What are we doing?” She whispered once out of the hallway.

He grinned down at her; she felt her cheeks redden, as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door.

Once out on the busy London street, he handed her back her shoes, and offered her his arm to hold while she slid them back on. He nodded at nosy pedestrians that looked at Cordelia curiously.

When she was situated, he grabbed her hand again and he was pulling her down the street. He weaved deftly around people, leapt over a dog on a leash, and skirted past solicitors while Cordelia muttered their apologies.

When he stopped, she nearly slammed into him. His cheeks were flushed, his crown of black hair curled away from his face, and a cheeky grin lifted one corner of his perfect mouth. She couldn’t remember a time when he looked more beautiful to her.

The smell of the shop was the first thing she noticed. A heavenly aroma of vanilla, spun sugar, chocolate, and creme. Her mouth instantly watered and her stomach groaned.

“I saw it on the carriage ride over.” He glanced over at her. “Do we dare?”

She was stalled by a moment of guilt.

He hopped up on the first step leading towards the glass door and noticed that she hadn’t followed.

His eyes narrowed slightly. “What’s wrong?”

“I really shouldn’t.” She groaned as the door opened again and a girl with blonde braids down her shoulders walked out with a cone dripping with the sweet dessert. Her mouth watered, betraying her.

“Come on, Daisy.” James stepped back down so he was right in front of her. His mouth curved into a vexatious grin that left her warm and breathless. “Unless you prefer we go back to our mothers and talk about seating arrangements.”

She grabbed his hand this time and led him up the stairs to the door.

After they chose their ice cream, James picked a raspberry swirl in a cone and Cordelia chose chocolate, they walked across the bustling street to the small lake with a trail around it and settled into a leisurely stroll beside one another.

He ate his ice cream quickly and poked fun at her for eating hers slow when it dripped down her fingers. She taught him words in her native tongue and fought back laughter when he butchered the pronunciation. He told her stories about The Merry Thieves, and Lucie, and his parents. There was only one strange encounter with a duck where he switched to walk on the other side of her, so she was closest to the creature, and then switched back as if nothing had happened.

When she’d lost count of how many times they’d circled the pond, they stopped at a vacant bench underneath a tilting willow tree with branches that swayed and grazed the ground below it. 

“Thank you for rescuing me,” she said and leaned to press a kiss to his cheek, but he’d moved his head slightly so her lips grazed the corner of his mouth instead.

Horrified, she’d begun to make her apologies, when he brushed a curl that had fallen into her face and secured it behind her ear, letting his fingers graze the shell of her ear before he cupped her jaw in his hand. “My Daisy, you require no one’s rescuing."

A lifetime of this, she thought painfully. I want a lifetime of this.

“James?” She smiled to herself and the ache in her chest became something different. “James, can you hear me?”

For the longest time, she believed there were two versions of James that existed: hers and the other one. Her James caught her when she fell from carriages, rescued her from public scrutiny, kissed her on top of tables, and made her smile until it felt like her cheeks might pop. The other James abandoned her on dance floors, left her in mid-conversation, and was completely enraptured by someone else.

Would she ever learn who the real James was?

When Grace’s hold on him is finally removed, would his affections change?  

Would it be too late?

“James.”

She waited a moment on bated breath but nothing could be heard except for the sound of the wind rushing through her ears and her own heartbeat failing to pump what limited blood remained through her body.

“Not long now,” said Belial. She’d thought he’d left or perhaps he’d only just returned. He squatted down next to her. The tip of a dagger that hung at his side in a gilded scabbard nudged her thigh. His head loomed over hers blocking out the red sun. “They’re approaching. Soon this will all be over.”

She’d waited long enough for someone to come save her. It was well past time that she saved herself.

Her death would not be tragic.

No. It’d be heroic.

Her hands gripped the sand underneath her and with the last ounce of energy she had left, she flung her handful at his looming face.  

~

James.

The car was tilting heavily to the left as Matthew took a turn at an alarming speed when James heard her voice inside of his head. He straightened himself and leaned forward trying to listen over the sounds of grumblings from the people around him, but nothing else came. He thought for a moment that he smelt vanilla and tasted raspberry on his tongue.

The headache behind his eyes was present, but not getting any worse. He didn’t chance a look at his wrist with Thomas sitting so close beside him and Lucie looming over his shoulder. He thought about putting the bracelet back on, just to stop any damage that might be occurring because of his impulsive decision. But now that he was free of it, the last thing he wanted was to put it back on. In fact, he thought constantly of throwing the bloody thing into the street and being rid of it forever.

His mind felt clear for the first time in a long time. For so long his thoughts had been hazy, unfocus, reverting back to Grace as if they were tied to her name by an invisible string and being flung back to her whenever they would wander too far.

How did he not see it?

How could he not know?

“Can this thing not go any faster?” asked Lucie, who was half on top of a scandalized Christopher in the back seat.

“There are no runes to hide automobiles,” said Matthew jerked the gear shift. “As long as Mundanes can see us, I have to abide by Mundane rules.”

“It’s dark outside.” Anna pointed out. “There is no one out to spot us. Just admit that this piece of rubbish doesn’t go any faster.”

“Thomas, I cannot think of an equally demoralizing response and drive at the same time,” said Matthew over his shoulder. “Please proceed to make Anna cry with your words on my behalf.”

“No.”

James had only just noticed that Thomas knee had not stopped bouncing. His usually calm friend seemed as perturbed as he felt, but for what reason James didn’t know.

“STOP!” Lucie yelled over James’ shoulder.

The tires screeched and James was nearly thrown over the hood of the automobile and out into the street if not for Thomas’ arms outstretched across both he and Matthew. The three occupants in the back hit the first row hard jolting them forward.

A chorus of curses filled the automobile, followed by an explosion of air and steam from the hood of the car.

“Algernon.” Matthew whimpered.

When James looked up, a wall of thick gray fog stood just inches away from the car. He leaned out the door to see the edge of it lapping against the pavement like the shore of a lake but never moving any farther. His eyes followed it up into the sky merging with the clouds that still lingered there.

Lucie jumped from the backseat and ran past James.

He was out of the car in a moment, following after her, as she disappeared into the thick of it without hesitation.

“Lucie!” He stepped in after her. The air crackled around James. His runes sang underneath his skin as if aware of something his mind wasn’t yet aware of. The smell of stale ale, sulfur, and blood clung to his nostrils. “Lucie!”

“James?” He heard her on his left.

“Lucie!” The air clung to his skin, cold yet humid. He waved his hand out in front of his face in an attempt to clear it. “Can you hear me? Come back.”

“James?” He could hear the fear rising in her voice. She sounded farther away than before.

“Stop moving!” He yelled. “Just wait for me where you are. Keep talking.”

He ran in the direction he’d heard her voice, but he couldn’t see even an inch in front of him. It was like swimming with your eyes closed, unsure of which way is up and down.

“James!” Matthew called from behind him. “What’s going on in there?”

“Stay together,” he shouted over his shoulder. “Hold hands or tie yourself to something.”

“What do you see?” Thomas asked.

“Nothing,” said James. “I can’t see anything. Lucie!”

“James!”

It came from behind him now, only feet away. He ran in the direction and thought that he saw a figure taking shape in front of him. He exploded into a run and like a picture behind changed on a projector, he stepped out and was in front of the car again.

Matthew was tying himself to the car with a long rope. Thomas looked restless, muttering something to himself, while Christopher poked his finger in and out of the fog curiously. Anna was the first to see James.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

James' heart rate leapt in his chest as he turned back around to face the fog. “Lucie.” He pushed back in and ran forward in the direction he’d first seen her go in.

“LUCIE!”

No response.

The fog burned his lungs as his breathing quickened. Every muscle in his body felt taut. She couldn’t be gone. She had to be here, somewhere. He’d find her. He had to.

“Lucie, answer me!”

“James!” Her soft clear voice rang from behind him again.

He spun around and ran towards her voice. Not even ten steps and he popped out of the fog again to meet the others.

“No.” He exhaled and dragged his hands through his damp hair. 

A hand clamped down on his shoulder preventing him from taking another step forward.

He spun around to shove whoever it was off, but Matthew stepped away before he could.

“Stop and think for a moment.” Matthew shouted and grabbed James by the shirt. “We’re not going to get anywhere if you keep running in there blind. We need a strategy, a plan!”

“James,” said Anna from the car. “Matthew.”

But James was too busy fighting Matthew off to notice her. “Lucie is in there.”

“I know that!” said Matthew. “I’ve been listening to you call her name for the past ten minutes. Now calm down and think.”

“James!” Anna shouted. “Matthew, look!”

When he turned back around, the fog had begun to clear as if it were being physically sucked away. The street was empty, the cobblestone path glistened with condensation, and lying in the middle of it was a body.

Author’s Notes: Fun fact, ice cream became popular and inexpensive in England in the mid-nineteenth century, when Swiss émigré Carlo Gatti set up the first stand outside Charing Cross station in 1851. He sold scoops in shells for one penny. The fun things you learn when you’re researching things for your fanfiction to insure that you remain historically accurate. I’m on a diet (need to lose some of this quarantine weight) so writing this ice cream scene was really just me wishing I was on a date with my non-existent boyfriend eating ice cream while walking around a lake... I hope you enjoy it. Also, I know that James doesn’t have an affliction with ducks quite like his father does, but I can still see him being hesitant of them, because we all know Will told him horror stories when James was a child. Please hit the like, comment, reblog, and follow along for more updates. I just wish I could hug and smother all of you in love for supporting this fanfiction. I’m having a blast creating it (flaws and all). A million thank you’s to each and every one of you!

[thistangledbrain]

Day 19 & 20!

Day 19 - “I hate it when...”

As you’ve gleaned from prior posts, I hate it when you forget autism is a developmental disorder and not an intellectual one. We are so. Fucking. Tired. Of being treated as lesser, or like we don’t understand what you’re saying to us.

Outside of the reactions to others’ behavior, though, I have some personal “I hate it when”...I’ve let you into my mind and told you what I appreciate about how my brain works, but there are things I don’t like, for sure.

I hate that personal stressor things trigger a toddler-like need to SHUT DOWN. Like writing this blog, for example...the vulnerability I feel usually leads to a need to go to sleep for a long time, once I’m finished. Or after a long day socializing. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to engage my brain anymore, I just need to shut all systems down and sleep. Especially if there’s been a meltdown (meltdown—->shutdown)...and oh boy do I hate meltdowns. They’re really rare, thank dog.

I hate that my executive function is an absolute bag of ass. This is probably the biggest thing I would change. It got infinitely worse when my disability got bad (EDS), for some reason. And it drives me up the damn wall.

I hate my low function days/moments. It’s like my brain just won’t kick into gear, or the gears and wheels are rusty and grinding, & it’s rather anxiety inducing. I usually “hide” on my low days, sometimes in my darkened bedroom, and watch favorite shows or movies, or get lost in a good book - if I can. On low days I find myself re-reading crap constantly because it’s not making any sense, so I’ll even avoid complicated recipes...I have no idea why these days/moments happen, but boy do they piss me off/make me anxious (that’s kind of the same thing for me. My anxiety nearly always manifests as anger). On my low days, you’ll see (if you were a fly on the wall, because I suppress this even around my own family), me walking in tight, anxious figure 8’s and flapping my hands in a distressed way, as I anxiously try to mentally kick my brain into gear. (It doesn’t work, but it IS a little soothing. And my dogs are SO sweet...they gather around me tightly and just seem to know I need them.)

🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s probably more I could expound on that I don’t like, but writing this one has been pretty distasteful. I try not to dwell on things I hate anymore, so I’ve put this entry down multiple times and come back to it when I’m in a decent frame of mind. I think I’m tired of talking about it now, so I’m gonna just stop talking.....

Which is a good segue into Day 20 -

————————————-

“Communication”

Ahh communication. This entry will be long, because I have a lot to communicate LOL....

Personally, I write far more coherently and eloquently than I speak. My brain goes too fast...I often trip over words; my brain’s three steps ahead of what’s coming out of my mouth and I get scrambled sometimes. I can also take the time to think about what I want to say/HOW I want to say it. Like many autistics, I’m a blurter. LOL...I am constantly trying to remind myself, just because I think it, doesn’t mean I have to say it. This gets a LOT of us in trouble...one of my most memorable examples is, I *loudly* blurted “that’s BULLSHIT!!” in a church one time. (I was speaking on how my devout Methodist grandmother, who regularly takes communion at her church, was not permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, merely because she isn’t Catholic, despite the fact that this woman is all about some Jesus & a devoted churchgoer - not just on Easter and Christmas.) In my defense, it WAS (IS) bullshit. I just didn’t need to practically yell that in church. As you can imagine, it was like a needle scratching across a record & everyone turned to stare. (My poor husband rescued me.) 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sigh. It’s a good idea to keep me out of most church services.

I am rather famous (infamous?) for calling bullshit straight to someone’s face, BLUNTLY. It’s out of my mouth before my brain’s “tact gatekeeper” I’ve spent over a decade trying to train is even half awake at his post (it’s a him because my husband is the one who taught me how to use tact in the first place. And it’s a him because said “gatekeeper” is lazy and falls asleep on the job all the time 😆). Have you ever just blurted your honest thoughts and heard shocked gasps or someone just busts out laughing? Yeah. That happens to me regularly. Or uncomfortable chuckles and someone will blink a few times and say, “oohhhkay, well, you could said that a different way.” (My old response to that was, I’m not responsible for what your reaction is to what I say...you’re in charge of your own feelings. I *understand* now how irresponsible and unfeeling that is, and I try to keep that in the front of my mind, even when I’m frustrated and nearly burning up with the desire to speak my thoughts in their raw form, but this is routinely an area I struggle to adapt to...and I am very sorry when I hurt someone I care about.)

On the other side of this same coin though, this is a trait my friends respect deeply, because I’m not cruel hearted or anything. You always know where you stand with me, and I’m the last person to try and lie to you. I SUUUUUCK at lying. And on the rare times when I do, I usually end up eventually telling on myself (this drove my older stepsister NUTS when we were kids, because she liked to do lots of sneaky things, and I don’t have an inherently sneaky nature LOL...so “DO NOT tell momma” was a *serious* risk for her, if she let me tag along 😂). Lying to someone just feels disgusting. Oily. Shameful. I hate lying. Plus, my short term memory is a grabasstic bag of CRAP, so there’s a good chance I won’t remember the lie and get caught anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My boys also suck at lying or hiding stuff, and generally prefer not to...but I also give them a safe forum to be honest. (I’m sure there’s LOTS of crap I don’t know, but you’d be surprised how much they DO tell me.)

Another thing with me personally is that I go mute sometimes. I’m not being deliberately obstinate. I’m not REFUSING to speak in those moments...sometimes I literally can’t, and the effort of doing so will make me gag, or even projectile vomit. Sounds very dramatic, doesn’t it? It is. (And it annoys the SHIT out of me.) There’s not a fucking thing i can do about it. The movement of my tongue in my mouth will literally begin to trigger my gag reflex, and if I try to power through it, I’m rewarded with my lunch returning to the surface anyway, regardless of my desires, and sometimes rather unexpectedly & violently. USUALLY this happens when I’m uber stressed, but sometimes it seems kind of out of the blue & catches even me off guard. If this happens but I still have something to say, I start texting instead, and explain. Most people - especially my hubby - are very kind when this happens. (I don’t want your pity, I just want you to switch to written communication for a minute until I can figuratively kick the fuck out of the engine in my “speaking center” and get it to work again.) Other times, I will literally get tired of talking. Like my mouth and tongue - and somehow, the “word forming” part of my brain feels physically exhausted (weird, I know, but I also spend the vast majority of my life silent - I am home alone all day, hate talking on the phone, and simply don’t speak much, by choice. So maybe it is actual “mouth fatigue” 😂😂😂 - I’ve stopped eating before because I just got tired of chewing, too, even though I’m still somewhat hungry. 🙄) I am usually *perfectly* happy to keep listening! And I’ll stay engaged in the conversation usually. I am just...done audibly talking. I’ll literally say “my mouth is tired of making the sounds now, but please keep going”...but I think my husband is the only one who doesn’t find this unusual, and rolls with it. It usually happens after a long, animated conversation...instead of winding down, though, it just..stops. If I try to keep going, cue the gagging. I can stay engaged in the conversation if you let me start writing/typing instead of speaking, for my responses. So that’s a “fun” little trait of mine that many neurotypicals find unsettling. Please don’t take it personally. My mouth just doesn’t want to make the words anymore - and I’m probably mostly done adding what I needed to add to the conversation anyway. I’m a great listener when this happens, though. 😆

Communication is a really interesting thing with all of us, because it’s a struggle on one level or another. I will tell you, it’s a frequent topic in my groups. “WHY CAN’T NEUROTYPICALS JUST SAY WHAT THE FUCK THEY MEAN?!?! 😩😩😩” I’m dead serious - you might think, because we’re sensitive (generally), we can’t “handle” it? You’d be so very wrong. What we can’t handle is when you dance around a subject or we have to try and translate what you just said to us (which most of us are not that good at). Just fucking say it! Nine times out of ten, you’ll just get a look of dawning realization and a “oh, shit, okay” response. We can handle it. Just. Say. It. We’ll respect you a lot more in the morning, LOL 😆

I think every autistic has some sort of beef with neurotypicals when it comes to communication (as I’m sure you have yours with us, obviously).

You guys operate under some weird ass rules that we simply don’t understand - especially if you don’t tell us those rules & just expect us to know. Like, if my husband hadn’t patiently taken years to show/teach me how the way I said certain things were hurtful, I would still be in the “yeah she’s cool but she’s kind of an asshole” territory. (I still struggle to grasp this, or at least it still frustrates me....truth is truth, whether it’s an ironclad general fact or your own personal truth - and yes sometimes the truth hurts, but like...I don’t pin any responsibly for that on the truth teller, if that makes sense?)

Working in rescue also helped hone my ability to speak “neurotypically” to others - I work with a LOT of women, and boy do a lot of them NOT appreciate when you bluntly tell them what you think. Men on the other hand....

I know *lots* of autistic women who prefer friendships with men, largely centering around this communication thing. We hurt men’s feelings a little less regularly than other women’s. I know I was like that, until I got a little more used to how I have to modify my communication with most women (but that annoys me, I’m gonna be honest - it annoys my Autie friends, too). The only time I am as starkly blunt as I used to be, is when speaking to my female Autie friends (because they can handle it), or most of the dudes I’m friends with. But if my message is getting “lost in the sauce” and you’re not getting my point, I usually give a frustrated sigh, WARN you that I’m about to tell you flatly what I need to say, because we aren’t getting anywhere, and just say it.

Yes I am the friend who, when you gush on and on about your new back yard bred puppy, talking all about how you’re gonna breed him when he grows up, is gonna flatly say “he’s not breeding quality”, if they’re not. Then I’m gonna ask you why you want to do such a thing, given that you’re aware of the massive load of rescue dogs (PARTICULARLY Great Danes and Cane Corsos) - and probably beat your argument down every step of the way. That doesn’t always go badly though - one of my closest friends was considering breeding their dog, and while it was a beautiful dog, it was not one that should reproduce (from an “improve the breed” perspective). We barely knew each other, but I gained a reputation for being kind but starkly honest...and I knew what I was talking about...and now I have this person’s deep respect, and they have mine (because they listened and did the research I asked them to - and did not add to the breed population). So it’s not *always* a trainwreck, because the people who end up respecting how I communicate, usually end up VERY close friends. AND I WANT THAT IN RETURN, which is refreshing for a LOT of people. I want your dead honesty in return - PLEASE. It’s so much easier for me to process and accept. For example, my house is almost constantly in some sort of disarray. I have one friend who will come in and go, “girl. I almost can’t breathe in here - this clutter is too much”(and then she offers to help me tackle it!!).

Or, fairly recently, “oh my god those curtains are so horrible, I hope you’re getting rid of those when you redo this room.”

“But I MADE those curtains! I love that print!”

“Ugh. No. They’re terrible. Get rid of them.”

My feelings were not hurt in the LEAST (I of course had a flash of “you bitch, I was so excited to find that print and I MADE THOSE, ya jerk” 😂). At first I said, “well you’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal with my shitty curtains, because I like them” 😂, but then as I was redoing the room, I took them down...and it DID look a lot better, so I left them down 😂😂😂....

So I guess my point with all this is: every autie I know deeply wishes you’d just fucking spit it out. We WILL often miss or misinterpret the point if you “fluff” it too much (around my neck of the woods, we call it putting too much gild on the lily, though I’ve never understood that one. Idk if a “gilded lily” is/was ever a thing, why anyone would gild a lily in the first place...LOTS of us struggle with colloquialisms that don’t make literal sense. 😆 Recently a friend was baffled over “shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up faster”, and fully half of the respondents to her post were people baffled by why anyone would shit in their hand - I and a couple others had to explain, and it just ended with them going “well that’s a fucking stupid saying anyway, and wishes aren’t things you can put in your hands, either” 😂😂😂...but I’m from the south, and these things are just part of our vocab. MOST of them are easy to grasp for me, like “nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”, because I immediately picture it and can grasp the meaning. But others I don’t get - the gilded lily is one LOL)...

We are LITERAL AS FUCK. It’s why we ruin lots of jokes, too. My poor husband is the dad joke king - and I ruin fully 1/3 or more of his jokes by being too literal (which he also finds amusing, so that’s good). Sometimes we realize we’re ruining the joke but we don’t care, because it’s dumb, or we just .... can’t....HELP IT. 😩😂

Jeez, I could almost write all day about autistics and communication LOL!!

But to summarize (and not succinctly, sorry), I guess, for me and many many others...we are often blunt, direct, almost painfully honest, and very, very literal. Your unspoken rules of communication absolutely go over our heads, unless you - yannow - *communicate* and explain them. We’ll probably tell you those rules are stupid and exhausting, but we will TRY and stick to it as best we can. But see, we literally have to think about every single word that comes out of our mouths, because we communicate far more directly than you weird fuckers do. And it is literally actually exhausting. It’s not an easily natural thing for us to adapt to, your weird way of saying things but not saying what you really mean. You’re wasting a LOT of words there, sir, and we are now getting obsessively confused over why you would do such a thing. 😂 It’s also why I keep getting banned from Facebook. My recent one was because I said - in one of my Autie “safe” groups, where I should be able to just say what I mean - that I tend to punch or want to punch people who deliberately startle the shit out of me. We were talking about how stupid April Fool’s Day was, and how we hate pranks. Three of us got banned for 30 days for just...well. Facebook called it “incitement of violence”. 🙄🥺🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

But I haven’t met - yet, maybe? - an autistic person who is cruel natured - not one of us gets any joy from being a bully type. WE feel everything on a higher level, so we kind of assume you do, too...you might think, “then why are you such an asshole?!”, but it’s simply that we - or every Autie I know, anyway - struggle to grasp how directly communicating your feelings is so fuckin hard or hurtful for y’all. I think anyone struggles to grasp something they themselves don’t experience. All you have to do is explain, though, and keep guiding us towards communicating in ways that we both find acceptable. I mean we’re champs at accepting all manner of different human - regardless of race, sexuality, and so on - but the communication is one area that frustrates the ever loving SHIT out of most of us, because it makes so little logical sense why anyone would say a bunch of useless words that muddy up their intent.

My closing advice? Help Your Pet Autie ™️ (this is absolutely a tongue in cheek term btw) understand how you’d like to be communicated with, and guide us. BE SPECIFIC for fucks sake - we suck at guessing what you might want, and it’s so frustrating that we’ll often just stop communicating at all. Instead of saying “it hurts me when you say this”, try saying “the WAY you said this hurt my feelings because of ____. Maybe you could put it like this instead” (or, “you know, you should really just keep shit like that to yourself”) and *give examples*. Don’t expect us to come up with different ways of saying shit, because we don’t understand what it is specifically you want, and it’s not very logical, therefore it’s not “natural” for us. Plus, everyone is different. I can’t talk to one of my sons the same way I can talk to the other, without certain negative reactions. Give us a chance to know your needs - we DO CARE!!! - but be CLEAR. I know in your world, tact is a big deal, but MOST of us will miss the fucking point if you’re too tactful (and when we misinterpret, we always err on the side of worst case scenario, and make the issue wayyyyy bigger than it should be. Being clear is soooo important).

And hey. Maybe it’ll help clear up some communication in other areas of your life. Being clear isn’t a license to be a fucking asshole; nobody’s giving you a license to unleash on everyone about how much you can’t stand humans...if WE hafta be quiet about that, so do you lmao...fair’s fair. 😆 But quit hedging and hinting and hoping we will pick up on the whatever your grievance is - because we won’t. We’ll just know you’re unhappy, and start panicking over guessing what we did wrong, and just shut down, because we have no idea.

Just. Fucking. Say it. 😘

[rideonwings]

The Enevitable Cliche Quarantine Story

Chapter 2

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid

Summary: Stranger-Neighbors lean on each other during the quarantine

A/N: See, I told you all, I never start posting WIPs because I feel too guilty when I don't update them. Now here I am, weeks later, feeling like I've left you all hanging. This one is short and sweet, but hopefully worth it? Hoping everyone is staying safe and healthy out there.

AO3 Link 

Astrid: “Okay, guys, only 30 more seconds, keep those hips up! 30 seconds is nothing, then you’re done for the day!”

Astrid felt silly, talking to her phone camera like it was a crowd of people, but this was currently her source of income, so she was willing to be as enthusiastic as she possibly could.

“Okay, time! Great work everyone, go ahead and come down to your stomach, then shoulders back, stretch out those abs in a cobra.”

As she finished up the stretch routine, Stormfly took the opportune moment to come to rest under her chest. Astrid laughed, turning her head to rest her head against the cat’s soft fur.

“Thank you to everyone who participated today, thank you for taking the time for yourself, be safe, wash your hands, and stay sane! See you tomorrow!”

She reached over to stop the video, Stormfly protesting beneath her as she shifted on top of her. She then collected her yoga mat and weights and stacked them back in the corner of her apartment, wiping her brow as she went.

Settling on the couch, Astrid started reviewing the video. The lighting in her apartment wasn’t great, making the video shadowy and not particularly detailed. She’d have to figure out a better location for the future, because unfortunately, she needed as many people as possible to watch her videos, lest the gym decided she wasn’t worth keeping on the payroll. Still, she made some quick edits and posted it to the gym’s YouTube channel and Facebook page with a peppy message she wasn’t really feeling.

She was already sick of her apartment. When Astrid had decided to live here, she hadn’t been particularly picky, seeing as she normally spent a significant portion of her day outside its walls. Now, every flaw and inconvenience was right in front of her constantly, and she was over it. She had heard Hiccup leave the apartment this morning, presumably to walk Toothless, and was instantly jealous that she couldn’t join them. She vowed to go for a run later, to break up the monotony.

Grabbing herself a mug of tea and one of her books for her thesis, she found her way back out onto the balcony. Hiccup wasn’t out in his area, which she was surprisingly disappointed about: she’d enjoyed their chat yesterday. Still, she didn’t spend too much time on it, instead copying her position from yesterday with her legs pulled into her sweatshirt and delving into her book. She made notes along the margins and nocked pages as she read, finding key quotes she could later incorporate in her writing.

It was cloudier today than the day before, and the breeze was making her slightly uncomfortable. She was about to give up and head inside when the sliding door to her right opened and a messy head of hair poked out. He turned to look at her and smiled, the tiny gap in his teeth clearly visible even from this distance. Toothless slipped out between his legs and darted towards the railing to say hello to her.

“Hey!” He said exuberantly. “I was just checking to see if it was warm enough to bring my stuff out here to work. Are you cold?”

Astrid curled her legs in closer to herself, putting her mug on the ground. “Yeah, it’s not as nice as yesterday. I was thinking about going in.”

Just then, a particularly harsh gust of wind whipped through, making her shiver. She rose from the chair and began to collect her things as Hiccup winced, closing the door a bit to prevent air from getting into his apartment. “Yeah, probably a good call for now. I might come out later for a drink, if you'd want to join me?” He sounded oddly hopeful, which tugged at Astrid’s heart.

She hugged her book closer to her chest and nodded, smiling a little. Hiccup’s smile widened and he waved slightly before ducking back inside, whistling for Toothless. Astrid ducked her head and suppressed a chuckle as she made her way back inside, settling on the couch with her book.

Hiccup As he got up for the umpteenth time to stretch, Hiccup cursed his furniture choices for the hundredth time in two days. The chair he had at his desk was not exactly conducive to good posture, and his back was aching from being hunched over his monitors. As lucky as he was to have this kind of office setup in his apartment, he’d never really had to use it long term and had picked a fairly cheap office chair from a local big box store. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time, but he was regretting that choice now. He felt like he had to get up every twenty minutes and shake out some kink in his back or hips.

Every time he stood up, Toothless jumped up too, following him around the apartment, obviously hoping they were going for another walk.

“Sorry, buddy, not yet,” he murmured, running his hand over the dog’s silky ears. “Give me another hour and we’ll go out.” He stretched his arms over his head, releasing the knots in his shoulders and neck. The motion twinged something lower in his back, making him sigh in frustration. Finally, he flopped onto the floor, laying flat on his back and straightening out as much as he could to align his spine.

He stared at the ceiling for a few moments before Toothless’ head appeared in his vision, obviously perplexed at why his owner was copying his signature nap position. The dog sniffed around his hairline, checking for signs of distress, before he began to lap at Hiccup’s cheeks with his tongue, making Hiccup squawk in distress and curl into the fetal position.

Toothless barked excitedly, thinking they were playing a game, and pawed at Hiccup’s back to get him to re-engage.

“Toothless, no!” Hiccup cried, swatting his arms blindly to shoo the dog away.

After a few minutes, Toothless fell into his play position, forelegs flat on the ground and rear in the air, tail whipping almost dangerously as his human rolled over to glare at him. Hiccup’s face was sticky and smelly, but he couldn’t hold a grudge against his buddy for long. He reached out with both arms and tackled the dog, pulling him against his chest and rolling around as Toothless yipped in excitement. Their tussle didn’t last long before they were both flat on the rug, both of their mouths open wide in humor.

Suddenly, Toothless’ ears perked and he jumped up and darted to the sliding door to the balcony. He’d started doing that whenever Astrid opened the door, looking to greet his new friend. The habit made Hiccup smile for more reasons than one.

Honestly, since the quarantine had started (had it only been a few days?), he’d come to realize how much of his social life had depended on his job. He had very few friends outside of work, and though he felt somewhat isolated in his apartment, he couldn’t think of anyone he really wanted to talk to. He chatted with Fishlegs while he was working, and exchanged a few messages with a few other friends, but he always struggled to come up with new topics.

But he really liked talking to Astrid. Their conversations hadn’t exactly been in-depth or long, but she seemed quick and funny and he needed that kind of conversation in his life right now.

He walked over to the balcony window, trying to get a glimpse of the blonde. From what he could see, she was wearing heavy leggings and a zip-up hoodie, and her cheeks were flushed as she leaned over the balcony railing. He slid the door open and poked his head out.

“Hey,” he greeted lamely. As she turned to look at him, he saw the glistening of sweat on her brow and noticed the shirt under her quarter zip was dark along the neckline. “Go for a run?” He asked.

Astrid nodded, still slightly out of breath. “It felt so good to be outside,” she said, popping one of her legs onto the railing to stretch. “I wanted to keep going forever.”

Hiccup’s eyes widened a little as he took in her long, toned legs in her running shorts, but forced himself to meet her gaze again and relax his expression. “I know the feeling. Those walks with Toothless are never long enough.”

“Still working?” She asked, gesturing to his open sliding door as she switched legs. He nodded, shrugging a little.

“Toothless keeps bugging me to go outside” he said, suddenly remembering that he was just nearly licked to death by the lab and he probably looked like it too. He absently ran his hands through his hair, finding it still wet.

“Oh, I could’ve taken him! I didn’t even think to ask!” Astrid said, bringing her leg down and settling into a crouch by the railing closest to Hiccup’s balcony. Toothless shoved his head through the bars as far as he could reach, forcing his eyes closed comically.

“That’s nice of you,” Hiccup replied, smiling down at the dog. “I’m going to go in an hour though, so he’s fine. Maybe some other time if I get caught up in conference call hell.”

Astrid nodded, picking up a water bottle from her chair and taking a drink. “I’m going to take a shower. Can I bug you later for dinner ideas?” She asked, smiling cheekily.

“Sure thing,” Hiccup said, feeling his cheeks flush slightly. Interacting with Astrid made him feel a little bit like a schoolboy with a crush. She was definitely more attractive than any girl he’d ever been with, and seemed friendly and sane enough. He could definitely see himself being friends with her, and then… who knew?

As she turned to re-enter her apartment, she smiled over her shoulder at him.

Hiccup smiled weakly back, turning to go back inside himself. He paused with his hand on the handle, half looking back in her direction, smiling to himself a little more confidently, even as his stomach flipped.

Who knew?