#or even an illustration. hell i rarely do backgrounds at all really

[tealmaskmybeloved]

Rating Pecharunt's TCG Cards

As before, I do not play TCG, I just like the art and vibes.

Same ranking as before, let's go :D

(Also I may get the names of the cards wrong, please correct me if I'm wrong)

Shrouded Fable Card

Okay I really like this one :D

It gives off pleasure and simply happy vibes, like maybe this is Pecharunt's home region or something, like when he lived with the old couple!

It's simple, but I like it.

I also enjoy how we do see what he's looking at, it's probably unintentional, but I like it nonetheless.

Score: 9/10 (Not perfect because it reminds me of the Untold Story of Pecharunt so ew)

Shrouded Fable Card (Rare Illustration)

This one is also really pretty :D

Like the Loyal 3's cards the art doesn't disappoint and I'm just like YIPPPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Score: 8/10 (pretty art but the colors blend in a bit and makes it hard to see my boi)

Night Wanderer Card (Regular Print)

Like the others, this one is just eh to me. I still really like it, and the chains look dope as hell, but I'm just eh :/

Score: 5/10 (there's potential but it just feels off)

Night Wanderer Card (Ultra Rare Print)

This one also feels like they just slapped the model on an Instagram AI filter and went with it.

Maybe it looks better in person? I dunno

Score: 4/10 (same reasons as the Loyal 3)

Night Wanderer Card (Hyper Rare)

Same thing but GOLD NOW WOOOOO

It looks cooler in gold though, so this one is higher.

Score: 6/10 (it's pretty)

Night Wanderer Card (Special Illustration Rare)

This one is probably my favorite out of all the Pecharunt cards. (Although it just might be my AU brainrot projecting onto it)

Because it's how I imagined Dokutaro's mindscape thing to be when he hijacks Kieran's body, it's just this endless void of Toxic Chains with no way out and in the center of it all is the peachy boy :D

Like it reminds me of Toxic Consequences AU and I like it a lot :D

Score: 10/10

And for the one I know I'll get asks about (even if I don't wanna do it)

Binding Mochi Card

Ignoring the VERY OBVIOUS REFERENCE AS TO WHAT THIS IS FROM.... it's a nice card?

The art is simple, but I like it. The background is the weird Instagram AI filter thing, but hey, it works here. It gives off that distorted warped effect that I imagine what happens when you eat it.

Of course it loses points for being from the epilouge I refuse to mention

Score: 3/10 (cool art if you ignore what it's from)

As always, I will update this post with more cards if more are announced.

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

ok so I actually completed SotO's new story chapters on day 1, but I've taken a little while to put my thoughts together on it. some of it's good, some not, but I did my best to be fair and direct on it.

so anyway here we go, major spoilers under the cut!

The Good

I like the map, I like the writing direction, I like the lore. I liked most of what we got, honestly. dungeon fixes, customizable character screen backgrounds, bugfixing the new 'green circles' mechanic, and adding a mount ley-line toggle are also all huge things that people have been wanting, and I'm very very glad they listened.

Peitha is shaping into an absolutely fascinating character too, and it's getting a lot more obvious why she connected to the Wayfinder so quickly... they feel very much cut from the same cloth, two strong leaders fighting to make their worlds better. and yet they're also burdened by the weight of that choice, and the sacrifices that must be made for their vision to be made into reality.

moments like this hit me like a bag of bricks; there's so much going on in the Kryptis homeworld. it's fascinating starting from the perspective of the Ward, seeing them all as just these vicious invaders... to now finding out they have names, ambitions, homes, maybe even families. we're told time and time again that their motivation is fear. the Wanderer, Irja, the little grunts we kill en masse to power the beacons, even Heitor herself.

'There's a version of this world where she joined us.'

like... just thinking about that. man. a version where Heitor hadn't lost hope so completely that by the time we come along, Peitha informs us that she wanted to die-- if only because she knew that at least we'd make it quick. it's horrifying to think about on its own, but the reality that it didn't have to be that way makes it so much worse.

it's... such a clear illustration of why their world has to change. they're fighting and dying to preserve the status quo not because it brings them comfort or privilege, but because they've been living in hell for so long that they don't believe an alternative exists. for as alien as the Kryptis seem to us, we're every bit as alien to them.

it feels like there's a really solid direction here, and I hope that it continues being solid through to the end. I could talk WAY more about my feelings on the story, but I'd better keep going.

I also like the Convergences; they're fun and I hope they survive. having public vs private instanced content seems to cause issues with publics staying populated long-term though, which... concerns me. I STRONGLY prefer publics just because you can bring Jade Bot protocols in, which makes it easier to travel freely and keep boons.

and now that I've dug into all that, uh... let's get to the less fun stuff.

The Bad

there's a lot of things to like about this release, but there's also a lot to... Not. the main 'drop' for Convergences outside of raw essences are Concealed Unstable Kryptis Essence Coffers... lootboxes which can only be opened with an Unstable Kryptis Motivation, which at the moment costs... upwards of 10 Gold per pop if you buy them off the TP. the only other way to get them is grinding tier 2 and 3 rifts, and good luck getting one because they're RARE.

I do not like this direction, for a LOT of reasons. the biggest one should be pretty obvious: it's making a portion of the victory rewards inaccessible to players who can't shell out the gold or the rift farm time to get the keys OUTSIDE the Convergence. the other is that the rewards aren't even worth 11 Gold anyway, so the coffers are dropping rapidly in price while the keys stay high. at this point it's arguably better to just sell the keys on the TP than to ever actually use them. the market on these is gonna get wacky I'm sure.

I don't want to see that become a trend. just.......... no.

the other main gripe I have is that... there's no portal of entry in and out of Inner Nayos. no, really. you can't get in and out at all without porting one way or another. it's right next to the Wizard's Tower but there is no entry point connecting these two maps. I thought I was going insane at first so I turned on the story again while in the Wizard's Tower to see if it'd point me towards a door. nope! it just sticks the story star icon on the Inner Nayos map and calls it a day.

aside from making travel in and out unnecessarily irritating and costly, this also means that you can't easily get alts into the dang map without a TP to friend. otherwise you have to do the story on them, whether you're ready and willing to or not.

I don't like that shift either, and really hope they remedy it when the 'under construction' gate opens in the future. that said, that should have been made available as soon as you finish the story.

and now the final segment, you know where this is going.

The Ugly

it's... short. really, really short. like, no, really. I finished all the story chapters in an hour and a half tops. now at maybe three, four days in I already have enough mastery points to top off the last mastery in the new line. I've map completed the new zone twice. both of the new Vault tasks are done. everything went so so so so fast.

and for reference: this cycle is going to last even longer than the last, based on the Vault reset time period.

additionally, the weaponmaster training underwent a stealth change: the new weapons can no longer be equipped on characters under level 80. this was not listed in the update notes. while that didn't affect me, it does seem kind of cheap to pull the rug on that when a lot of players were using that to level their characters since, well... a lot of core weapons just aren't that great. I can't really blame anyone who would rather use weapons that don't hit like a wet paper towel.

there have also been some... interesting bugs on release, of which the biggest one was unlimited hero's chests per day from the Inner Nayos meta. some people got a month's worth of chests in one day before they turned the chest drops off entirely to fix it.

they're back now, but that was still... something to behold.

I've also heard rumors that the new Legendary Kit from the Vault may be bugged; some players are reporting opening the kit and getting nothing out of it. I can't confirm how frequent that issue is, but... yeah that's a little concerning. I'll hold onto mine for now, just to be safe.

Overall Impression

despite the many sore points mentioned, overall I'm... okay with it. I like what we got, but I wish there was more there to like. from the much smaller Vault selection, to the shorter story, to the single-waypoint but otherwise very cool map that feels like it could have more going on in certain areas... I dunno.

but on the other hand... if my biggest complaint is that I like it enough to want more of it, that's an alright problem to have when we know we're going to get more. I'd be more worried if what we got was a miserable slog and I didn't even want to return to the maps-- and in fact, the opposite is true! I want to return to the map frequently and I want more to do in it-- and mostly I want easier access to it.

my hope is that the slowdown is an indication of resources being put into other backend work, such as the dungeon fixes, the character select screen, and so on. because, realistically, if they can fix up the core more, that would streamline their workflow a LOT and make it easier and quicker to work on things in the future.

I guess in short, my impression is... tentatively optimistic.

that's all I've got on it for now, maybe I'll talk about story more in-depth in the future though because boy I do have a lot of thoughts on that-- which... is part of why I had to redo this post like 6 times. it kept getting way too long and rambly over story. (oops)

[ashrillvenheim]

Awakening Past

Chapter 1

NEW FIC COVER!!!!! I really had a good time doing this illustration, hope you like it :3

pairing: Ashley Graham x Leon S Kennedy.

Content: romance, angst, gore, erotic/suggestive themes at some point (+18), slow burn, violence, action.

If you feel unconfortable with any of this genres or you are a minor, please don’t keep reading, thank you.

Word count: to much to count (minimum of 2k-3k) :3

About: Saddler is dead, and with him the threat that was hanging over the two survivors of the island. Leon and Ashley return home with the intention of getting their lives back on track, but it’s not going to be that easy. Two years have passed since they returned from that hell and it seems that everything is back to its place, but it seems that Spain was only the beginning.

A transition from RE4 Leon to ID Leon.

MASTERLIST

prev / next

2 years.

730 days.

An eternity...

Or a blink of an eye.

Will they remember their promises?

Will they keep their emotions?

Memories last, painful or happy, as long as they want to remember them. Will they? Or will they prefer to forget what they lived?

Separate paths, destined to uncertainty, but condemned to the same end.

Will they be able to face it?

Or will they run away from the nightmares that haunt them?

CHAPTER 1

The sound of keys flooded the room along with faint folk music in the background. Deep voices reverberated in choruses along with melodies about realms of gods and warriors. There was a humming in the same language as the chants, until recently, unknown to her. She slid the page aside to continue on to the next page. 

Her breathing was deep and calm, almost as if she had entered a kind of trance. Enveloped by the soft rumbling of drums and the chattering of bone and other traditional Norwegian instruments.

The rays passing through the wide ceiling windows struck the large bookshelves, filled with books, stones, bones and minerals. 

Her body was attuned to the guttural music, but a familiar scent started her out of the clouds.

“Be careful not to fall asleep.” A female voice with a curious, not at all American accent rang out from the entrance. She looked up at the greenish eyes of her teacher.

“It's hard with all this paperwork.” She laughed, replying in the same language, turning to the next page and resuming typing on her laptop. 

The newcomer approached her student. Her tall elegant figure with pale skin contrasted with her curly brown hair, so different from the young woman next to her. She slid her soft fingers through the notes and her eyes repaired to the margins of the books.

“How's the work going?” she asked, resting her hands on the wide back of the seat where the blonde-haired girl sat.

“With the information from our last trip to Australia, I think I have everything I need to finish it in a short time.” She paused to sigh and massage the bridge of her nose. “I haven't slept much lately, so I've taken advantage of it to get a lot of things done.” 

“Are you still on your medication?”

She denied.

“I've been off it since I came here, they only recommend it if I'm suffering from severe insomnia.”

“And are you having it?”

She smiled trying to calm her mentor.

“Not like a long time ago, I rarely stay up all night. I'm fine Narsson, don't worry.”

The woman grunted with a smile.

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Enma? Do I have to remind you of your insistence to call you by your name, Miss Graham?”

The young woman turned to look at her with her amber eyes and a snicker escaped her lips. She held up her hands in her defense.

“It's a habit, after how hard it was for me to say it with your accent.”

Narsson laughed and patted her on the shoulder.

“By the way Ashley, you have class in 10 minutes.”

She looked at her watch and exclaimed, standing up.

“When did Sasha tell you?”

Narsson looked at her theatrically indignant.

“Couldn't I have remembered?”

Ashley arched an eyebrow.

“We have to remind you to even eat, do you really expect me to believe you've learned my schedule?”

Narsson gave her a puzzled look.

“When did Sasha tell you?” she repeated slyly.

The teacher grunted.

“Twenty minutes ago.”

“Now, you've got the food on the other table.” she scoffed, pointing to the lunch boxes, earning a snort from the other woman.

Ashley laughed and hurried to pick up her laptop and notes to put them away and sling the bag over her shoulder.

“But I remembered.” Emma puffed out her cheeks, mumbling under her breath. 

Ashley smiled, turning the doorknob.

“What would you do without Sasha?”

Narsson laughed, sitting down in front of the food.

“I'd die between papers, dust and coffee.”

Her student said goodbye and stepped out into the hallway.

She blinked at the light coming in through the large windows. She adjusted the strap of her bag and glanced at her watch and then jogged.

She waved to a few classmates along the way, darting her eyes at full speed among the students, a habit she had picked up since returning to the University.

Ah…yes, since she came back. 

She went out into the inner courtyard to cross the gardens to the classrooms on the other side.

Almost two and a half years. She raised her tanned hand to shield her eyes from the sun.

It seemed like so much more had passed. 

She stroked her fingertips over the bracelet with an aquamarine stone on her bicep and with a smile she walked across the garden in the direction of her classroom. Arriving at the stone arches a platinum hair glinted in the sun's rays.

Ashley sighed, exasperated, as the girl's light eyes took in her presence. She didn't look at her and continued trotting toward the classroom.

“Graham, you're already–”

“Sorry Carla, as much as I would love to chat with you, I have an exam to prepare for.” She waved her hands, passing nimbly between the columns with no intention of stopping. “Finals are coming up.”

And her interlocutor watched her run down the hall, leaving her with the sentence half-finished and anger growing in her stomach.

She had neither the time nor the desire to deal with her at that precise moment.

Ashley waved to the teacher entering the classroom and sat down in her respective seat near the window. She had long ago come to the conclusion that if she had to run out for some emergency, it was quicker to break the glass and get out that way. She pulled out the notebook and began to note the class.  

She massaged her temples from exhaustion.

Tonight she would sleep with her little ones, they might help her fall asleep.

***

Blows like thunder echoed through the large facility. Bursts of impacts followed by brief silences between clicks, only to return to gunfire.

Soft heels echoed down the long corridors along with others, somewhat more hurried.

“How's Thursday night working out for you?”

“Agent Johnson, need I remind you that you're still on duty?”

“Oh come on, Hunnigan, call me Patrick.”

The woman adjusted her glasses, looking at the man who had followed her from the operating room.

“Only if you stop asking me out to dinner every day.”

 Patrick groaned in despair.

“Don't do that to me, Friday instead?”

The rumbling stopped to hear a chuckle in the background.

“Believe me when I tell you Hunnigan is harder than concrete.”

The two turned toward the source of the voice to see a man with his back turned, dressed in a leather jacket. He shook his ash brown hair, darkened over the last 2 years and turned back to the pair.

“I tried that too and she gave me the brushoff before I blinked.

Patrick looked at the man wide-eyed.

“You too Leon?” he ran his hands through his curly hair, dramatic. “If even the infamous Leon Kennedy couldn't, what kind of men do you like, Hunnigan?”

She looked at him with a sigh.

“The ones who aren't pushy after they've been given a no.”

Patrick whined theatrically.

“But then no one would say anything to you.”

“Exactly.”

The sapphire-eyed agent laughed at Patrick's mock stab at Hunnigan's response, only to then turn to her.

“Come to bring me more paperwork, Sweetheart?”

Hunnigan rolled her eyes and tossed the folder at his chest.

“The last two reports and Victor's calling you for the medical revision.”

Leon frowned his eyebrows.

“Do I really have to go?”

“You should have gone 7 months ago.”

“But what's the point of going now?”

Hunnigan looked at him blankly.

“Leon, you broke your leg, dislocated your elbow and fractured three ribs a year and half ago, is that not enough?”

Leon raised his arms and hopped on the spot.

“You see I'm still in one piece.”

“And I'm still wondering how.” A deep voice echoed behind them and a shiver ran down the agent’s back. He turned to meet a tall, elderly man, who looked more like a bear than a human.

“Doctor Petrov, I was just telling my dear Hunnigan that I was on my way to your office.”

The man looked at him, stroking his dense beard and mustache, only to take two strides and grab Leon by the collar of his jacket.

“Wait! Wait!”

He lifted him like a sack and pinned him on his shoulders. Leon looked at his companions and opened his mouth begging for help, but Hunnigan smiled dazzlingly, waving her hand in dismissal.

"Traitor" thought Leon dropping his arms in surrender.

*

He sat down on the chair heavily and the doctor mimicked him making the seat scream under the big man of almost 2 meters.

“Well, Agent Kennedy, I'm glad you decided to stop by for your late checkup.”

Leon cleared his throat, adjusting his jacket.

“Doctor, really, I'm sorry I didn't come when I should have, but I'm feeling fine now.”

Victor looked at him with his piercing brown eyes and sighed, taking the officer's medical report in his large hands.

“I've let it go until now because I thought it was a miracle the recovery you've had and, honestly, after the operation, which I carried out myself, let's say I gave you a wide berth.”

Leon snorted.

“In other words, I was your guinea pig.”

Victor denied.

“I've had you under surveillance ever since, the problem was for you to bring your ass in person to my office.”

Leon grunted, looking away.

“You know how much I dislike medical appointments.”

“And that's why I give you so much leeway between visits....” he paused to stare at him. “Now tell me, have you felt any abnormalities?”

Leon turned to him with an arched eyebrow.

“Should I?”

“You tell me, you could hear Hunnigan and Johnson's conversation even while shooting.”

The agent turned to him.

“How long have you been eavesdropping?”

“Long enough.”

The two were silent, and Leon knew he wouldn't let him leave without an answer.

He sighed heavily.

“I hear better, I must admit. I have an easier time picking up nuances that I didn't even know were there before.”

Victor read the reports of his physical tests.

“I see that your reflexes have improved as well.”

“Yes, but it's not as noticeable as the hearing, I'd say that's the most drastic change.”

The doctor raised his face from the papers.

“And did this change occur before or after the operation?”

Leon hesitated for a few seconds and then answered.

“Before. When I got back from Spain.”

They looked at each other for a moment and Leon thought he would ask more questions, trying to make him more specific.

But he didn’t.

“I see. As happy as I am about your recovery, I still have to give you a complete checkup.”

Leon grunted and rolled his eyes, throwing his head back in the seat.

“Really?”

“Undress, please.”

***

The color of the sky had turned a deep orange that accentuated the gold in her eyes. She parked and sighed, throwing her head back in the seat and closing her eyes.

“Tough day?”  the voice next to her laughed at seeing her so tired. Ashley sighed with a smile.

“I hate preparations for the finals and also the degree presentation.”

Her companion smiled taking off his belt.

“You remind me of when I was studying, you're doing great.”

Ashley turned to the man.

“You told me you studied with a sport scholarship, right?”

He nodded.

“In martial arts. A friend and I opened a small dojo. He usually runs it during the week, I spend the weekend.”

“For babysitting me.”  she sighed. “I told you I do fine on my own, James.”

The dark-skinned man looked at her with his white teeth showing.

“And missing out on juicy college student dramas? No way, it's way more entertaining than drama channels.”

Ashley laughed rapping her knuckles on his shoulder and got out of the car.

James Lawrence, her bodyguard for the past year along with Maria Vazquez, his partner. They had become like cousins to her. At first it was hard for her to open up, since they all addressed her as Miss Graham. She still remembered the little scene she made in her father's office when she first introduced James to her, after Maria's previous partner retired.

"If any of you call me Miss Graham again, I swear on my mother's life it's not going to take anyone to kidnap me."

Her father almost had a heart attack, but Ashley made it clear that that was her condition from then on. 

“Ei Ashley" James' voice snapped her out of her thoughts, "tomorrow Maria will come a little early, is that okay with you?

She waved her hand dismissively.

“No problem, I wanted to go to the mountain to get some air, Maria likes to go.”

“Perfect.”

The two chatted as they walked up the stairs to the penthouse of a 3-story building. It was a small neighborhood in Amherst, quiet with friendly neighbors. Ashley liked it. After everything she'd been through while in Boston...that place felt like home.

She opened the door to the large apartment and two shadows slipped between the furniture. Ashley dropped to her knees and giant hairballs launched themselves into her arms, filling her with drool.

“Boys, please, you will shower me!”  she exclaimed, petting them and hugging them tightly.

James set the toolbox on the floor and peted one of them.

“I’ve to go do the weekly report, I'll see you next week.”

Ashley smiled at him trying to shake the dogs off.

“Sure, good night.”

“Good night.”

She decided to go get dinner ready soon, as she had to study and finish a couple of papers.

The sound of metal clanging in the kitchen echoed through the thick reinforced walls. The two dogs sat obediently waiting in the living room while their mother prepared a meal for them. Ashley separated the rations into two bowls and set them down on the other side of the dining room.

“Dinner is ready.”

They both got up and ducked their heads in to devour their dinner. Ashley smiled and turned her attention back to her food. 

As the vegetables browned, she looked at the laptop on the kitchen island, checking new emails and that's when she saw an incoming call. She picked up and smiled as she saw her father's face on the screen.

“Hi honey, how was your day?”

“Hi Dad! Professor Narsson is helping me a lot with my work, so I have more time to study for finals.”

“How's it going on campus?”

Ashley hesitated for a second, but made it look like she was concentrating on cutting up the food.

“You know I like it better than Boston because it's not as crowded and it's quieter.”

The president's eyes looked a little worried.

“Are you sure you're alright?”

Ashley smiled.

“I'm much, much better, Dad, I really am. You know this takes time.”

Her father looked at her for a moment and then sighed with a mischievous smile.

“Tell me then, any love affairs I should know about?”

 Ashley rolled her eyes and looked at him puzzled.

“Really dad?”

“What? I can't worry about my daughter?”

“Asking me about my romantic life?”

“Well, I'm the one who's going to have to ask you, aren't I?”

Ashley threw her head back in disbelief and smiled.

“Now that you ask, there are a couple of guys who have asked me to go out to dinner with them and since I couldn't make up my mind because they are both so cute, I thought I'd meet them both for dinner together.”

The president's smile faded and his eyes darkened.

“Excuse me?”

She continued to act.

“I thought, why should I pick one? I guess with two it's more fun.”

The man's hands twitched.

“Are you serious?”

She leaned her elbows on the counter, bringing her face closer to the screen.

“Sure, just like I have one for every day of the week" she rolled her eyes again, "of course not Dad, do you really think I would do that?”

The man sighed suddenly, relaxing.

“No, that's why you were scaring me.”

Ashley poured the vegetables into the pot.

“As much as I've managed to get better, some things will take longer, Dad.” 

"If I ever get over it." Those words echoed in her mind, but the last thing she wanted was to worry the most.

“Besides, most of them are rude slugs who only think with what's between their legs. The only decent one is Sasha and he's not even interested in women” Ashley laughed trying to lighten the tension that had formed.

The president laughed softly.

“You're right, I've been too innocent.”

“Have some more faith in me, I've learned to take care of myself" she paused and stopped cutting for a few seconds “How's it going over there?”

“As usual, you know, a lot of paperwork and headache, fortunately I have excellent secretaries who make everything much more pleasant.”

“I'm glad.” She thought if she should pronounce the next words and decided not to be so direct. “How is the team? I haven't heard from Hunnigan and the rest for a while.”

"The rest" the president may have played innocent, but he wasn’t fool. He smiled and leaned back in his seat.

“It's all pretty quiet now. Hunnigan begs me to muzzle Patrick, but I think that boy helps keep the mood in the group. He and Leon have been with me the last few months between trips and reconnaissance.”

That name slipped through her ears like a caress, making her close her eyes. Memories came to her and in her heart lodged a small prick, recalling that day, when she thought it was all over, but where she realized how wrong she was. 

It had to happen.  It was only a matter of time and having good news from him was enough for her.

She was glad he was safe.

That was enough.

They hadn't spoken in a while. Leon had lost his old cell phone a year and a half ago and hadn't dared to ask Hunnigan for the new number. She'd simply asked her to give him her best and not to be overly complimentary.

Maybe that was better, although after the incident...she wasn't so sure anymore....

“I have my last meeting in 5 minutes, talk to you tomorrow?”

“I'll be busy tomorrow, do you mind on Sunday?”

He nodded.

“Sure, honey, same time as usual.”

“I love you dad.”

“I love you too.”

The screen went black and Ashley stared at the wooden board for a few long seconds. She took a breath, identifying all the smells around her with incredible clarity, and finished cooking. 

When she was done she sat on the couch with the notes, going over the last of the class notes. The two dogs sat across from her looking at her, expectantly.

“Is something wrong?” she asked them with a sweet smile.

Even the vets couldn't tell her exactly what they were. The result was a German shepherd panda print, with its black, white and brown, with funny eyebrow-like spots, characteristic of a Bernese mountain dog, next to its lank hair. One had a large spot covering half his face and the other a completely black one, except for his cream eyebrows. 

They looked up at her with their golden eyes and pink noses to each perch a paw on her leg. Ashley let out a chuckle and moved to the side on the wide L-shaped couch. The dogs pranced over to her, one lying between her legs and the other in her arms.

“Nice way of telling me I should sleep.”

They both growled and wagged their tails and closed their eyes. Ashley watched them, digging her fingers into their soft fur and remembering the day she found them, when she could see nothing but darkness around her.

***

Thunder echoed in the distance amidst the wind and lightning.  A thin body shrank between the blankets, shivering, trying to concentrate on the documentary, but without much success.

The wind blew hard and she heard a violent blow that made her jump on the spot, stifling a scream. She got up and walked to the bathroom, where she had heard the sound. She had left the window half open and the wind had knocked over one of the shampoo bottles. 

She let out a long sigh and closed it to pack up.

She returned to the living room and grunted when she saw that the documentary was already over and decided to make herself a coffee, even though it was already noon.

Her dark circles betrayed her lack of sleep and her pale skin showed her much needed sun exposure.

She had started online classes 2 months ago, shortly after Leon and she said goodbye. Shortly thereafter they finished fitting out her apartment in Boston and she moved in. There were always two agents outside the house, watching the entrances and exits. Every hour one would come up to make sure she was okay, even though she already had a device to call for help at all times.

She felt like she was drowning and on stormy days even more so.

The laptop on the dining room table beeped and she looked at what time it was.

She picked up and on the screen appeared a woman of about 45, with straight brown hair adorning her honey eyes.

“Good morning, Ashley.” she greeted her with a smile.

She sat down in front of the screen, wrapping the blanket around her.

“Good morning, Katherine.” her voice was barely a whisper, which caused the woman to arch an eyebrow.

“How are you today?”

Ashley took a few seconds to respond.

“I'm starting to hear it again.”

“The laughter?”

The young woman nodded and the woman took notes as golden eyes looked up at her. Doctor Katherine Connors, psychologist and psychiatrist, her medical support since she had moved to Boston.

Sheremembered the first time she spoke to her, she was unable to look her in the face and the woman noticed, suggesting that she could move away from the camera to give her time to adjust. 

The first month they talked from the couch, she couldn't see her face with definition, so she managed to get along better. Little by little she got closer until she could see her from the waist up.

Dr. Connors was calm, kind and very professional, as well as a mother, a small detail that made it easier to win Ashley's sympathy.

“Do you think you need to take the medication again?”

Ashley came back from her thoughts.

“I... don't know, I was getting migraines, sleepiness, and sometimes I saw shadows.

“We could adjust the dosage, they might not go away all at once but they would be less frequent.”

“I could try it, yes.” Ashley whispered somewhat dejectedly.

“How's it going with the classes?”

“It's hard, I have to make up a lot of material, but..." she sighed, thinking about leaving it out, but there was no point in hiding anything from Katherine. “I hardly sleep so I use the time to study.”

The doctor made a sound to make her patient look up.

“You know you shouldn't overstrain yourself like this.”

“It's the only thing that keeps my head busy, Katherina, I'm not... able to concentrate on anything else, especially after waking up from a nightmare.”

“What have you been dreaming?”

 Ashley shrank back even more.

“With him.”

“The hooded man?”

She was afraid to say his name again.

“Yes, and with...Leon. This time he was there too.” She shrugged her shoulders and parted her lips to narrate her nightmare as tears escaped her eyes.

"He was looking at me in terror, as if he was seeing something horrifying. I would call out to him, but only shrieks and growls would come out of my throat. He was screaming at the hooded man, asking what he had done to me. I was trying to get closer to him, but he was pointing his gun at me, then I saw my reflection and I could only see a bag of claws, tentacles and teeth, where the only recognizable thing I had left were my eyes. I was screaming to Leon, crying. I wanted him to hear me, to understand me. He would look at me furiously, ready to pull the trigger, but then he would realize I was trying to call out to him, I would feel my face soaking wet trying to call out to him for help. He would let his guard down and drop the gun to catch my face. He would say, "Princess, is that you? are you really there?" I couldn't help but nod and tell him yes, even though he only heard incoherent babbling. He would smile at me and then I would stab him. The tentacles of my body would pierce him without me being able to do anything and he would beg my forgiveness, for not being able to save me, for failing me as he bled to death in my hands."

Tears fell on the table and Katherine waited in silence, letting Ashley vent, only to be reminded later that it was not real but a dream.

She waited several minutes until she sensed the young woman's shoulders stop shaking so violently.

“Ashley.” her voice was soft, but firm, catching the blonde's attention. “How long has it been since you've been out of the house?”

Ashleys sobbed, wiping her sodden cheeks.

“Since I came to Boston.”

“Since Leon left, right?”

She shrank at the name, the man who had given everything for her. 

It was normal for him to want to get away, she had only brought him trouble and misfortune, why would he want to continue being the bodyguard of a walking catastrophe?

“Yes…” she mumbled.

“I want you to go out on the balcony.”

Ashley's eyes widened.

“What? Now? There is a storm! She couldn't believe what the doctor was telling her.

“It's just raining.”

Ashley turned to the window, where she could see the leaves of the plants on the balcony standing perfectly still.

“But…”

“You have a covered balcony, you're not going to get wet.” She paused, "I want you to go outside and take a deep breath, please.”

Her tone already in a plea took the young woman by surprise. She looked at the balcony door and a shiver ran down her spine, drying her throat.

She didn't want to go out...she would be more exposed, an easy target. 

She turned to look the doctor in the eyes and saw the decision in them. She would not take no for an answer.

She swallowed saliva and rose from her chair to walk shakily to the balcony. She looked outside. The storm had covered the sky making the day incredibly dark.

A knock on the door startled her so much that she fell backwards onto the floor.

“Miss Graham, are you all right?” the female voice of Maria, one of her escorts, sounded on the other side. 

Ashley gasped in shock.

“Yes, I'm in session with the doctor.”

“I'm sorry for disturbing you.”

There was a moment of silence, and she heard the agent's footsteps coming down the stairs. Ashley looked at the doorknob and her trembling hand went to it. She didn't want to get up, she felt safer sitting in the corner. She opened the balcony door and held it out. She turned to look at the doctor once more.

“Do I really have to get out?”

“Either you do or I'll have Emily drag you out if I have to.”

“What kind of doctor threatens their patient?”

“One who knows perfectly well that her patient is behaving like a 5-year-old who aspires to be independent, when she only asks her escorts to bring her ice cream.”

Ashley's face turned red.

“You said you wouldn't mention it in public again.”

“And I haven't.”

Ashley felt embarrassment creep up her face, turning her into a strawberry. She pointed at Katherine accusingly.

“I'm not acting like a 5-year-old!”

“Sorry, 5-year-olds know how to behave, 2.”

Rage made her grit her teeth and with a roar of fury, she strided out onto the balcony, oblivious to the smirk on the doctor's lips. Ashley was most receptive when her nerve points were touched, getting on her nerves caused her to fly into a rage and her pride to show.

“Who's the 5 year old now?” she scolded at the doctor with a huge smile of triumph. 

Katherine threw up her hands in surrender with a chuckle.

“My work for today is done, you have done very well Ash.”

Ashley felt the anger and embarrassment soften, which caused her to inhale with the intention of sighing, when she did, she felt fireworks explode in her head.

What were all those smells?

Rain, salt, smoke, wet cement, rubber, leather, food…

She heard the computer run out of battery and shut down and a gust of wind whipped through her forcing her to take cover. She heard a thump and her heart leapt into her throat as she saw the door latch close from the inside as it slammed shut.

Ashley stifled an exclamation trying to pry it open, but she couldn't.

Her heart began pumping blood violently, quickening her pulse and breathing.  Her legs faltered and she fell to her knees in front of the door. A clap of thunder echoed in the sky and she put her hands to her ears, throwing herself to the ground in a ball.

She couldn't breathe, not at that speed.

Her body was shaking.

Her head was spinning.

Her vision blurred.

"Help, please..." she begged silently, agonizing in the solitude of her balcony.

"Breathe..."

She subtly opened her eyes.

"Breathe with me, Princess..."

She remembered those words.

3 months ago, that voice whispered to her at night, when she woke up screaming from nightmares.

"Take a deep breath..."

His sweet voice.

Her mind cleared slightly.

"That's it, keep breathing, you can do it princess..."

Tears threatened to blur her vision, as she tried to control her ragged breathing 

"Inhale..."

 She took a breath. 

"Exhale..."

She emptied her lungs.

"Breathe with me princess..."

She remembered his words as she took and breathed in and out, feeling her heart calm down and her body relax.

"You can do it..."

She took a few more breaths and stood still for a few seconds, then straightened up to a sitting position. She leaned against the wall and wrapped her legs around her chest.

What now?

She had no keys and the talkie to call the two agents was inside. They wouldn't be up for another hour to call her back.  

If she stood there she was going to freeze.

She inhaled again and a jumble of smells came flooding back. She had never sensed all those nuances before, was it normal? the same way she smelled Leon's gum through the temporal base in Spain?

She might not be a doctor, but from what she had studied so far in biology, humans didn't have that olfactory ability. 

She sniffed the air, calmer now.

Wet earth, metal, asphalt, sewers, fast food... wet dog?

She crawled to the railings and penthouse in an 8-story building and looked down at the sidewalks.

There was no dog.

It must have been her imagination. She had to get out of there. Then she remembered the fire escapes. She moved to the side of the balcony to see the stairs raised for safety.  So that no one could go up only down. 

A shiver ran down the young woman's back as she touched the cold metal. She released the safety catch and the staircase slid down to engage the floor below.

She would have to go through other floors.

With more people.

Unknown people.

She swallowed saliva and stood there for a few seconds. 

She couldn't, not by herself. This time there was no one at the foot of the stairs to help her if she slipped or the stairs gave way.

She was alone.

She ran her hands down her thighs trying to warm up and felt a bulge in one of the pockets. She reached in to pull it out and looked at it, feeling a lump form in her throat again .

The aquamarine stone slipped into her palm, precious and sparkling.

"There's always a way home."

Golden eyes looked at the stone and she took a deep breath.

There was always a way, wasn't there Leon?

She sat on the edge and slowly worked her way down, gripping the railing tightly and touching the next staircase with her bare fingertips before landing heer whole foot.

It was unpleasant, tense and insufferable. She really wondered if she was descending or if she was still in the same place. She didn't make a sound, the last thing she wanted was to cross anyone, explain herself and die of embarrassment and anxiety.

The descent was torturously slow and her fingers became numb by the time she reached the last floor. She took a leap and went down to the street.

There was no one in the alley. The shadows snaked with the lights of the street lamps, bringing them to life and making Ashley tremble helplessly.

There was the street where she would find the two agents, she just had to cross.

Come on, she had made it.

She took a breath to continue and her body froze.

That smell again.

Wet dog.

And blood.

Her heart raced again, secreting adrenaline with the intention of running in terror.

And then she heard it.

Moaning. Crying.

Barking.

Ashley turned, looking over her shoulder at the back of the alley.

No. NO. NO.

She was one step away from going home.

She wasn't going to go into a dark alley.

A faint howl.

Ashley. No.

A desperate shriek.

She poked her head out as she reached the bottom of the alley on shaky legs. And there she saw them.

Two puppies.

They were crying and screaming between the legs of an inert body. Their mother lay dead in front of them, accompanied by other puppies who had not been lucky enough to breathe. She had recently given birth. The smell of iron was unbearable and I could still see the recently cut umbilical cords in the mother's mouth. 

Ashley gently approached and knelt down in front of them.

“Poor little..." she whispered almost in tears.

The two puppies fell silent at the sound and crawled as best they could to the source of the voice. They bumped against Ashley's warm knees, now soaked from top to bottom and whimpered trying to get between her legs. 

It was the first time in 3 months that she lost track of herself. Before she could process what she was doing she was running toward the lighted street, puppies in her arms, snuggled against her warm chest.

The officers nearly had a heart attack when they saw her tapping on the car window.

“MISS GRAHAM?!” they shouted, their eyes bulging out of their sockets.

Ashley was breathing hard from lack of exercise, but she still caught her breath and pleaded with them. 

“TO THE VET, NOW!!”

[crescentmoonrider]

some details from my recent comic (mostly environment)

also, stuff that hit the cutting room floor and isn’t present in the actual thing

[link to the comic, it’s 5 pages of kekkai sensen noir AU]

so, as some might have noticed (and as i said in the tags of the comic i think), i paid A Lot of attention to the details and environments in this comic. so i thought i’d explain some of the stuff i had in mind while drawing

surprisingly, i have nothing of importance to say about the brick wall (on page 1) i spent over 5 hours on - aside from it being bricks bc, well, new york, man

or, as the artistic director for the bbb anime Kimura Shinji said : “the most emblematic buildings in new york are from the time when art déco was “in”” and “the image of the 70s new york was the one that satisfied me most [in terms of mood]”

(ive got loads of interviews with the anime staff that came with the dvds i bought, though in french, but if anyone is interested i could translate some of them)

anyway that’s what i looked up for reference. 70s streets, emblematic new york architecture (meaning bricks and side stairs or whatever these things are called), some noir movies back alleys to fit the theme of the AU, and four new york taxi photos for a result that is

... yeah

details i do have loads to talk about though !

this poster (on page 2) is based on an actual ad for the city of new york, featuring the empire state building

so why did i choose to put this element in daniel’s office ? obviously, the setting is hellsalem’s lot right ? why keep an ad of a city that basically doesn’t exist anymore - plus, what kind of person keeps an ad of their own city ?

(also, side note, is- is the huge building that we see tumbling down at the start of the Collapse in the anime. is it the empire state ?? did the empire state get scraped from new york/hellsalem’s horizon right as Mr. Kimura said he based his backgrounds on this kind of architecture ?)

anyway, this poster was my way of slowly building up the... let’s say static state daniel is in, in this AU. page 3 mentions ��The constant numbness that’s been following [him] for the past three years.” and that was my attempt at introducing this idea environmentally

this daniel refuses to move past the disappearance of marcus, refuses to accept it, and that form of denial kind of leads him to get. stuck in place - or maybe stuck in time, leading me to

this glass of water (page 2 still)

how long has this glass been sitting here ? who knows. a while, certainly, if the way it’s sweating is any indication

how long has daniel been standing looking at nothing through that window, stuck inside his thoughts, until reality calls him back whenever a client walks in ?

how many times has it happened ?

on the same desk, we have... quite a few pictures

(yes i put effort into this detail explanation, yes i redrew the pictures for this one)

(also i realize i put the pencil on the left side out of habit, so i guess daniel is now left-handed. ooops ?)

on the center of the desk, we can see... Leonardo Watch ? yup, that’s him, he has a file dedicated to him, and daniel apparently followed him around enough to get 4 pictures taken on various occasions, and one mugshot he got.... somewhere

daniel is, in fact, not working on a case relating to leo. officially. alright, so, i haven’t figured out the way everything fits together, but daniel’s search into his brother’s disappearance lead him places, among which research into Things You Can’t See, and as such, the eyes of the gods

pictures 1-3 are just leo in various situations (meeting up with nej, eating at diane’s dinner, waiting for his train)

picture 4 shows leo on a bench, obviously interacting with.... someone ? who cannot be seen. even though leo clearly has his arm over their. shoulder, probably. daniel annotated the picture by hand, circling the empty space at leo’s side, and adding the commentary “doesn’t appear on photos?”, indicating that whoever was there could, in fact, be seen by human eyes

(leo, what the fuck kind of friends are you making in this AU)

on the right side of the desk, literally put aside, is a file full of daniel’s official work. and a picture related to his most current case

not explicit, or even implicit, but probably a fun fact, this one file is just. a collection of investigations into one Zapp Renfro’s many affairs, each investigation related to a different case

i’m not saying zapp keeps daniel fed through his many infidelities, but i’m not not saying it either

if they ever actually meet, daniel is either going to shout at zapp forever for being a garbage person, or he will thank him for all the easy work. or he might do both

so how did daniel take these pictures ? did he use a portable camera, like any old-fashioned detective would ? or did he go the modern way, and simply used his phone ?

the answer is neither

welcome to “i couldn’t fit this in the comic so just take it”, featuring daniel’s left eye ! my headcanons for his canon self vary from day to day (and also whether we’re talking manga or anime, since his design slightly differs), but in this AU, we’re going with a huge scar and an artificial eye

the eye is a product of beyondian technology. pure tech, no magic involved. it works as a covert camera, but mainly serves as, you know, an eye

sometimes daniel sees people with his right eye that the left one seems blind to, and something tells him he should probably not ask about it if he can avoid it

next page !

those who saw me post my progress in real time already know this one, but i still can’t get over the fact that i put research into a single shot of a small part of a watch. but i did

anyway the watch is an actual existing one. it’s a Boucheron “Epure”, steel with a white quadrant, and a black gator bracelet. you can look it up

and now we get to the One thing i really, really wanted to put in the comic, but had to refrain myself out of a desire to keep things not too cliché. i mean, shady client comes in, detective thinks to himself “the moment i saw him, i knew he was trouble” while dragging on his cigarette...

look, steven is heavily femme fatale (homme fatal ?) coded already, and is trying to look decent and Not like he murdered someone/is planning on murdering someone, because that’s precisely the problem he needs daniel’s help with. murder accusations

anyway he can not decently show up in a fur coat looking like some mafia boss

but BOY do i wish he would

[theculturedmarxist]

Medical experts and some pundits are raising alarm about the spread of monkeypox, a far more containable disease than Covid. But apparently because the public has been told to get used to endemic Covid, it’s supposed to resign itself to endemic Covid. A fresh report from IM Doc illustrates how appalling state of public health in America.

A little background courtesy Twitter:

From IM Doc at the start of the week:

Today a gay patient in his 30s showed up in the office. He is healthy and very athletic. He is a “boy” to another older gay man. They travel the world and are into serious gay fetish play. Spanking, bondage, discipline etc. Patient has had fever and chills and horrible headache for 3 days. A reticulonodular rash has developed but no vesicles yet. They have been playing in clubs, parties, and orgies in 4 major cities the past 2 weeks. There are so many things in that diagnostic differential but of course monkeypox is right up there. And of course NO TESTING IS AVAILABLE. I called all levels of health department and even CDC today. The CDC is voice mail hell. Never talked to a human. It took several hours for a health dept human but by then the patient was already gone potentially spreading the wealth everywhere. They are acting as if I was talking about the Martian Flu. Again, we have known about this two months now, and it was like I was asking for the Holy Grail. Testing? “I need to call so and so……not sure…..but I’ll get right back to you……..”. And don’t get me started about their handling of the quarantine. I have no idea if he is really a case. Multiple tests are pending. But not monkeypox. There is apparently no blood test for that. You have to swab the vesicles. But what if we do not have vesicles yet? Or if a patient may be past the vesicular stage? Crickets. I would like to think there is a baseline competence. But that is too much an ask right now. Again two months all over the news and this is what we have. We are a completely unserious nation.

Remember that IM Doc is in a wealthy destination in Flyover. Apparently the local public health officials not only think that monkeypox is exclusively a gay STD, but also that they can’t have it locally because there are no gay men in their part of the world. Did they miss Brokeback Mountain? Or the private jet landing schedule?

On top of that, the local public health officials appear unable to use a search engine. In fact, there are monkeypox tests, but as IM Doc did correctly infer, they can’t be used before the vesicles stage, which is 2-4+ days after lesions start forming. Oh, and monkeypox patients are contagious as soon as they start having lesions and potentially also during the prodome period, before rash starts.

From the CDC:

Persons with monkeypox will develop an early set of symptoms (prodrome). A person may sometimes be contagious during this period.

The first symptoms include fever, malaise, headache, sometimes sore throat and cough, and lymphadenopathy (swollen lymph nodes).

Lymphadenopathy is a distinguishing feature of monkeypox from smallpox.

This typically occurs with fever onset, 1–2 days before rash onset, or rarely with rash onset.

Lymph nodes may swell in the neck (submandibular & cervical), armpits (axillary), or groin (inguinal) and occur on both sides of the body or just one.

And the disease progression:

So let us return to IM Doc’s predicament. Yes, the CDC has been announcing that various labs are now testing for monkeypox. For instance, from a July 13 press release:

Starting today, Quest Diagnostics will begin testing for monkeypox. The company has developed a real-time polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test that uses patient swab specimens to qualitatively detect non-variola orthpoxviruses and monkeypox virus DNA. The test is now available to healthcare providers nationwide (except in New York)*…. Quest will offer monkeypox virus testing at the company’s advanced laboratory in San Juan Capistrano, Calif. and can accept specimens from anywhere in the country.* Quest’s testing will continue to increase the current capacity provided through CDC’s Laboratory Response Network (LRN), Labcorp, and Mayo Clinic Laboratories, providing testing capacity of up to 60,000 specimens per week by the end of July. On June 22, HHS announced that five commercial laboratory companies would soon begin offering monkeypox testing. Since then, CDC has shipped the tests to the laboratories and their employees have been trained on their administration, among other steps. Anyone with a rash that should talk to their healthcare provider about whether they need to get tested, even if they don’t think they had contact with someone who has monkeypox. Healthcare providers can order monkeypox virus testing from Quest as they normally would order other tests. People seeking testing for monkeypox must consult with their healthcare provider first; they cannot separately go to a Quest lab, submit a specimen, and request testing

This sounds easy-peasy, right? Except it isn’t. From the CDC Monkeypox: Preparation and Collection of Specimens (boldface ours):

Effective communication and precautionary measures between specimen collection teams and laboratory staff are essential to maximizing safety when manipulating specimens suspected to contain monkeypox virus…. Procedures and materials used for collecting specimens may vary depending on the phase of the rash (i.e., swab of lesion surface or crust from healing lesion). For initial laboratory testing of monkeypox virus specimens at Laboratory Response Network (LRN) laboratories or authorized commercial laboratories, the recommended specimen type is skin lesion material. Specifics on the acceptable specimen type accepted within these laboratories may vary.Please contact the appropriate public health department or commercial laboratory to determine acceptable specimens. For further characterization of the specimen at CDC, dry swabs of lesion material, swabs of lesion material in VTM, or crusts are acceptable. To ensure specimens are stored and shipped within the required timeframe, consultation with the CDC is suggested. Personnel who collect specimens should use personal protective equipment (PPE) in accordance with recommendations for healthcare settings. Specimens should be collected in the manner outlined below. When possible, use a plastic, sterile, leak-proof container rather than glass materials for specimen collection. Two swabs from each lesion should be collected for testing. Using two sterile synthetic swabs (including, but not limited to polyester, nylon, or Dacron) with a plastic, wood, or thin aluminum shaft, swab the lesion vigorously to collect adequate DNA. Do not use cotton swabs. It is not necessary to de-roof the lesion before swabbing. Break off the end of each swab’s applicator into a 1.5-or 2-mL screw-capped tube with O-ring or place the entire swab in a sterile container that has a gasket seal and is able to be shipped under the required conditions. Two swabs from each lesion should be collected, preferably from different locations on the body or from lesions which differ in appearance. Swabs and other specimens should each be placed in different containers. If using transport media, only VTM is accepted at CDC at this time; do not use universal or other transport media. Specimen collection, storage, and shipping of human specimens is subject to CLIA restrictions. Specimens being sent to CDC for testing should be stored refrigerated (2-8°C) or frozen (-20°C or lower) within an hour of collection. CDC 50.34 form must be included for each specimen. When possible, ship specimens on dry ice. Specimens received outside of acceptable temperature ranges will be rejected. Laboratory testing has indicated that the current monkeypox outbreak is associated with the West African clade of monkeypox virus. The U.S. government does not consider the West African clade of monkeypox virus as meeting the definition of Category A infectious substance under the Hazardous Materials Regulations (HMR). Therefore, specimens and material suspected or confirmed to contain the West African clade of monkeypox virus can be shipped as UN 3373 Biological Substance, Category B. See U.S. Department of Transportation’s (DOT) Transporting Infectious Substances Safely and Managing Solid Waste Contaminated with a Category A Infectious Substance (pg. 94) for further guidance. Refer to the Poxvirus Serology test on the CDC Test Directory for further specimen storage, packaging, and shipping instructions. For current information on the Molecular Detection test, please contact the CDC at poxvirus@cdc.gov for details on collection, storage, packaging, and shipping of specimens.

Now perhaps this sort of specimen collection and shipment is routine for many small hospitals like IM Doc’s. But the repeated “Call the CDC for instruction” suggests otherwise. So even if IM Doc’s patient had monkeypox-looking pustules that could have been sampled and tested, neither the CDC nor the local health department did a damned thing to help.

From a later message, after I had informed IM Doc that there were monkeypox tests, but only of vesicles (as he’d inferred):

Is it not a sad state of affairs that you are able to find this and the public health dept did not know the first thing about this? I am thinking they are probably able to assist now after this incident yesterday, but it is the total lack of preparedness that is very disturbing. They did not know the first thing about testing. And from what I am told this PCR testing is on the vesicle swabs only. My questions remain. What if the patient is in a prodrome of fever and rash but no vesicles? What if the patient has already convalesced through the vesicles? What do we swab in those instances? Are we certain that every single monkeypox patient will have vesicles? What do we do when this is highly suspected and the patient is already having a high fever and pain and rash but no vesicles? And most importantly, should any of the examples above be placed into quarantine until further notice? The fact that none of these questions could be answered and still are not today, especially the quarantine of highly suspected patients, is of the most concern to me. These are simple obvious issues that any clinician would raise and it is as if they have never been thought of before. The patient from yesterday, for example, has been reported. Multiple blood tests for many other things done. Most of which are pending. I still do not know for sure his diagnosis, and he has no vesicles when I followed up with him today. And there is no quarantine at all. This just does not jive well in my opinion with the level of fear they are exhibiting about this getting out of control. This is what I have been talking about for the past two years. In the past, the CDC would have been all over making sure every primary care doctor in the USA knew exactly what the protocol was. I have heard or seen nothing. I go over my email daily. I have found nothing on their website that is more than simple platitudes. Certainly nothing that would guide me through the above questions. And to my disappointment, the health department personnel were in no better shape than I was. Just like Ebola, COVID, and West Nile virus, monkeypox is something no one of us has ever handled. I would have expected after two months for the entire system to be on the ball, and after our first scare in my area, it is clear we are nowhere near prepared. Acute public health issues like this are only as strong as the weakest link, and we failed yesterday. This departure from past behavior from the CDC has been the most difficult for us old docs to stomach.

And to add an additional point: the fact that there is a monkeypox test of some sort suggests that the CDC is in mission accomplished mode and isn’t pushing for the development of a blood test, which would enable clinicians to find the infection earlier (and perhaps later) than the skin-sampling ones do, and would also be less nasty to administer from the patient and practitioner perspective.

So we are well on the way to having monkeypox be as bad as it could be. Scientist GM added:

We actually have no idea how bad monkeypox is right now. Notice that there are no statistics released on how many of the cases are hospitalized, how many in ICU, etc. We had that reporting system fairly quickly with COVID back in 2020. And it is being rolled back now, with the move to weekly reporting in many places, likely to be followed by no reporting at all eventually (other than some quarterly or annual retrospective summaries) So the lessons – that if you don’t control infections, you need to control information – have been learned. And it is very much possible that people have died of monkeypox in the West but it is not reported yet. So far 3 people have officially died of monkeypox in the last two months, all in Africa. And Africa has reported very few cases in that period, i.e. the CFR there is in line with what it has been historically. Now it is certain that they have always missed cases there, but I also have doubts it is the same undercount ratio that it is for COVID, as monkeypox is a rather visible disease that drags for longer than COVID and the pain is serious. Which means that we have the following possibilities: 1) Mortality is low in western hospitals but high in Africa where hospitals are less well equipped. That sounds attractive on the surface, but if you think about it, it doesn’t really make that much sense – it would if there were a lot of people in ICU on their death bed and we in the West are doing miracles to save them that they don’t have the resources for in Africa. But we are not hearing about that. 2) The people it is hitting right now are a lot less susceptible to dying. I doubt that though, as this isn’t a disease known to exhibit drastic differences in CFR across different populations…. 3) The virus has mutated on its way to the growing pandemic outside Africa and is less pathogenic now. Meanwhile those 3 people who died in Africa got the ancestral Nigerian strain (with the 3-4% CFR, while the Congo strain with the 10% CFR hasn’t been exported at all) and this is why they died 4) We aren’t told the truth. We will unfortunately know more in the coming months. Once schools reopen and community-wide transmission has ramped up even more, there should be massive outbreaks in children, from where it will infect parents, etc. And then there will be serious pressure on hospitals. This will likely coincide with yet another major COVID wave and your guess is as good as mine about what will happen then…

Remember that GM’s gloomy-seeming calls on Covid most of the time weren’t pessimistic enough. So take that as a warning.

And while we are at it, CDC delanda est.

[tigerkirby215]

Building Hank before Consternation (Madness Combat build errata)

(Artwork by OctoCryptik on Newgrounds.)

My initial build for Hank, while effective at capturing all of Hank’s abilities (and a good build in its own right imo) is... quite messy, admittedly. There’s a very big shift in Hank’s abilities after his death in Madness 7 and revival in Madness 9 and while I tried to capture the pre-revival Hank as much as possible in my build there’s no way to take the Armorer subclass without immediately buying into the flavor.

Truthfully if I were to play Hank in a campaign with as much accuracy and representation as possible I’d consider Madness 7 Hank and Madness 9 Hank as two different characters (same name different build) with the revival machine essentially being a way to bring back an old character after their death and swap their build. (Hell you could even play Deimos until reviving Hank.)

I think that if you want to play a post-Madness 9 Hank then the original build I made is quite good but to play a pre-Madness 7 Hank I’d give him wildly different abilities. So here’s another build that won’t be made as detailed as my usual ones but will still give a level by level analysis of how to build Hank... again!

GOALS

I still basically want a build that can use all weapons and is really good at using them. I also still want some stealth abilities.

RACE

Still a Variant Human, with +1 in DEX and CON. Take whatever language you want and the Medicine skill to patch yourself up.

For your feat talk to your DM about getting a Repeating Hand Crossbow or otherwise being able to ignore the loading property on a Hand Crossbow. If they’re willing to give you a handgun (or let you ignore the Loading property via the Gunner feat) grab the Gunner feat for obvious reasons. However if they’re not willing to let you use a Hand Crossbow without having to reload it I’d suggest the Sharpshooter feat instead.

Why aren’t we taking Crossbow Expert? Well you won’t be able to use the Bonus Action much for reasons that will be illustrated in the build. Other than that you don’t need the ability to shoot in melee range (you’ll have weapons and your fists) which means the only ability of value you’d get from Crossbow Expert is the ability to ignore the Loading property, which isn’t worth losing a potential ASI. Better to grab Sharpshooter early and use something other than a Hand Crossbow.

ABILITY SCORES

Hello Standard Array my old friend! Since this build isn’t nearly as MAD (ironic) you can afford to go for Standard Array! But of course feel free to roll for stats if you so desire or use point buy.

15; DEXTERITY - You’re still going to be focusing on guns, and you’ll be able to use your DEX for a lot more weapons in this build.

14; WISDOM - Still used for Perception and Survival, and is far more useful for this build than the other one.

13; CONSTITUTION - It’s good to not die and you don’t need the other stats as much.

12; STRENGTH - In case you grab a Strength weapon you aren’t proficient in.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Strength felt more important than Intelligence.

8; CHARISMA - You’re still a psychopathic mass-murderer.

BACKGROUND

Same background as last time: Criminal with Intimidation, Slight of Hand, and Land Vehicle proficiency.

Apparently if you don’t have Thieves’ Tools proficiency (from Artificer lol) you get it from the Criminal background? That works really well for us too.

(Artwork by DonCroco on Newgrounds.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Starting off as a Monk so you can actually throw a punch and dodge attacks while actually unarmored. Take proficiency with Acrobatics and Stealth (why the hell do Monks get Stealth proficiency?) and Smith’s Tools, under the context that they’re gunsmith tools.

The fun thing about Monk is that simple weapons honestly cover most of Hank's weapons (club, quarterstaff, hand axe, etc) so you can use most of them with DEX thanks to Martial Arts.

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get second level Monks stuff. Told you this build would be a lot more basic than usual. Dedicated Weapon from Tasha’s will let you add more weapons to your repertoire, along with your subclass.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

Go Kensei because that’s the weapon Monk. Take either tool that you want (doesn’t really matter), a Battleaxe (reflavored as the stop sign Hank used to kill Tricky in Madness Combat 3), and either a Hand Crossbow (reflavored Pistol) or an actual pistol if your DM allows it.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an ASI: increase your DEX by 2 as that's your main stat.

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack. Also Stunning Strike and stuff, but we’re here for Extra Attack. Remember that you can’t attack twice with a Hand Crossbow without Crossbow Expert, because it’s a crossbow.

LEVEL 6 - MONK 6

6th level Monks get Ki-Empowered Strikes and One with the Blade to bypass Magic Resistance mainly. Deft Strikes also lets you aim for the head.

You can also get another Kensei weapon: grab the Longbow (finally) which will be reflavored as all your rifles... unless you can actually grab a gun.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 1

Hope you didn’t think this would be straight Monk. Grab Perception proficiency from multiclassing and Acrobatics Expertise from Deft Explorer, along with two languages. Also grab Favored Foe to aim for the head, because Favored Enemy is meh (can’t choose more than two types of humanoids which is basically all you fight) and you can actually afford to concentrate on Favored Foe... Even if the damage is bad.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get their Fighting Style: yeah go for Archery because that fits the best. Dueling also works if you opt to play with gun and sword (or more realistically gun and knife.)

You also get Spellcasting: yeah take Hunter’s Mark lol Favored Foe is bad. Other than that? I dunno take Cure Wounds to bandage yourself up in a pinch?

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers get to choose their archetype and it’s me ya boii Gloom Stalker. Same stuff as last time: be better at hiding, get darkvision, get ambushing powers, get Disguise Self as an innate spell.

Also go for Primal Awareness because Primeval Awareness is still bad and Speak with Animals is genuinely more useful. You also get another spell: take like Jump idk all I really want is Hunter’s Mark.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get another Ability Score Improvement: time to cap that Dexterity!

LEVEL 11 - MONK 7

So like, every level after this is Monk lol. 7th level Monks can dodge rockets with Evasion.

LEVEL 12 - MONK 8

More ASIs: go for Wisdom now because your Dexterity is maxed out, and Wisdom boosts your skills as well as your AC.

LEVEL 13 - MONK 9

Use the improbability drive to walk on walls and water!

LEVEL 14 - MONK 10

Become immune to disease! Probably a bit late for that but still cool!

LEVEL 15 - MONK 11

You can use Sharpen the Blade to turn your weapon into a +1, +2 or +3 weapon by spending Ki now which is pretty nuts. You can also pick another Kensei Weapon like a Longsword (as seen in Madness Combat 5.)

LEVEL 16 - MONK 12

Wisdom.

LEVEL 17 - MONK 13

Lol like you’re going to be the one talking with your 8 in Charisma.

LEVEL 18 - MONK 14

Here’s the big one: enjoy proficiency in all Saving Throws!

LEVEL 19 - MONK 15

You can’t age, much like Newgrounds. Everything there is fresh to this day, just waiting to be revived.

LEVEL 20 - MONK 16

Just cap your Wisdom as your capstone.

You’re probably wondering why I didn’t take Tavern Brawler: the only improvised weapons Hank really uses are a metal pipe (Madness 4, 6, and 7) and a dude’s head once in Madness Combat 6. Truthfully I’d consider a pipe a glorified Quarterstaff and you’re not going to be ripping people’s heads off in D&D combat. Yes one could argue that the stop sign is technically an Improvised Weapon but both you and Tricky have used it so much it’s essentially become a proper martial weapon for both of you.

Ultimately improvised weapons come up so rarely in 5e combat it’s not worth taking a feat for it. We took it in the original build mainly to get Unarmed strike damage, and being able to beat a man with another man’s head was an added bonus.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

This build is far more focused than the original one, with far fewer dud levels. It lets you become a slaughterhouse fast and is honestly far more proficient with weapons than the original build. You also get 20 AC and +10 to initiative thanks to Gloomstalker, which is cool.

CONS

You don’t get god tier stats like with Artificer, but Artificer kinda cheats tbf. You also don’t have as much spellcasting, and while Hunter’s Mark will carry you far you won’t be able to use it all the time. By far the biggest problem is the limited resources of this build however: limited Ki, limited ammo for your ranged weapons (assuming you don’t get a Repeating Weapon), and notably you can only attack once with a Hand Crossbow if you choose to use one. This build would be really good with an Artificer ally to give you a Repeating Hand Crossbow, or a cool DM who lets you ignore the Loading property for the sake of aesthetic. But I mean you can also use a boomerang or darts or something tbh.

So thank you for joining me for this simultaneously detailed and simplified errata. I hope you can navigate the Monk class without me detailing everything to you!

(Artwork by Neentandoo on Newgrounds.)

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Karin’s Magical Girl Story

Another collection of thoughts and reactions, plus analyzing some small changes the NA translation made (similar to the translation comparison I did for Alina’s MGS a while back).

Starting off with not a change, but an interesting note: Karin and Alina’s club situation is rather strange.  Alina is the “outsider” from the Art Club, while Karin is part of the Manga Club.  The classroom they share, though, doesn’t appear to be the main space for either club.  I’d initially assumed that it was the room originally used for the Manga Club, but once Arc 2 updates these backgrounds...

It turns out this actually is an art classroom!  I guess the school just has two?

First major change: Just like in Alina’s MGS, they removed direct references to Karin and Alina’s ages.  The reference to Karin’s age at the start of the Magical Halloween Theater event was also changed.

(In JP here, Alina was said to have won a lot of different awards “for a 16 year old,” while Karin stated her age as 14 in the MHT event.)

Again, unsure of why the change, but it could be in order to fix the continuity issues. Because good lord, that continuity is snarled...

I think the order that makes the most sense is Karin MGS > Alina MGS > Magius forms > one year passes > MHT > Main Story Ch5 > Holy Alina’s MGS.  In theory, then Karin should be 13 and Alina should be 15 in their Magical Girl Stories and then 14 and 16 in the present, but as mentioned that’s contradicted by the start of Karin’s MGS in the original Japanese.

There’s also the weirdness around when/how Karin learned Alina was a magical girl, since Karin seems aware of it in MHT, yet it’s unclear if she knows in Holy Alina’s MGS.

… Anyway, stuff like this is why I gave up on constructing a coherent timeline for Magia Record.  There’s just too many continuity tangles.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

References to Karin being in her second year in middle school and the third years leaving – also changed.  Probably because it’s both an uncommon way to refer to grades in English, and also, once again, another continuity issue.  (If the third years left, why is Alina still there in one years’ time if she’s at least one grade ahead of Karin?)

Another change: some specifics in why Karin and Alina are in the same classroom together.  In JP, it’s not specified who made the deal to let Alina use the room.  If anything it seems like Karin is the one making a deal directly with Alina.

Which actually makes far more sense all around – why does “the school” care that Alina is giving informal lessons to some random kid?

And it makes more sense from Alina’s perspective too, in that it explains why she tolerates Karin constantly bothering her – putting up with Karin is explicitly the price she’s paying to Karin for using the space.

Oh boy, this.  Karin having this mindset is why it took me so long to really ship AliKari.  Because the dark undertone to “if only I improve, then surely Alina will treat me better” is that Karin is blaming herself when Alina is cruel to her.  And that can very easily slide into an abusive relationship - if you don’t consider it one already.

Alina treating Karin decently should not be dependent on Karin’s art skill.  Or anything else, for that matter.  Full stop.

(Tangent time, including some Arc 2 spoilers)

What ultimately made me come around to AliKari is some of the early Arc 2 stuff, where Karin starts thinking the reason Alina disappeared is because Alina is mad at Karin for not improving.  Karin’s explanation is spectacularly wrong, so I’m now more trusting that the game is implying that Karin’s mindset is going to change. That she’ll stop believing she’s at fault for Alina’s actions - and hopefully stand up to Alina too while she’s at it.

The other half of the equation is Alina, who as far as I can tell, is genuinely not interested in bullying Karin.  She certainly has every opportunity to do so – especially given how her teacher punishes Karin for Alina’s behavior – but Alina never takes advantage of it.  So while she is overly harsh and blunt about expressing her opinions to Karin, I don’t get the sense there is any manipulation underlying it.  Indeed, very unusually for Alina, we also never see her enjoying or fantasizing about Karin’s pain or distress.  She really, truly, just wants Karin to get better at art already!

Obviously, for any kind of relationship between the two to work, they would both need to undergo significant character development.  But that’s the draw of AliKari – while other characters have stagnated (sigh, RikaRen), Alina and Karin are still some of the most dynamic characters in the game. And in general, the direction has been that despite starting out in a bad place (like Karin’s mindset above), they’re growing to become very positive influences on each other.

(End tangent)

Enjoying the extra cliches thrown in here and there, and in general how they translated Karin’s dramatics by adding additional cheesy and on-theme descriptions.  Stuff like “dark and dreary night” or “cauldron of trouble” aren’t in the original Japanese, but they’re wonderfully in-character – honestly probably an improvement over the original!

Not a change, but more reminding myself that I really need to read Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne.  I’m like 97% sure that’s what’s being referenced here – the plot description and even the comments Karin makes about “Phantom Thief Kirin” In her later Magic unlock quotes are all a very close match.

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard KKJ mentioned as an earlier dark magical girl series that Madoka Magica rips off.  So it’s quite interesting to see it referenced again back in a PMMM property – I wonder which part of the creative team was responsible for this detail?

Hm, so, the subject and detail of Karin and Alina’s conversation in the middle differs between translations.  In JP, the subject is vague, so the fan translation has Alina going off on an extended metaphor comparing the history of art to the protagonist of Karin’s manga.  Meanwhile, in NA she just makes vague comments comparing her own growth as an artist.  

I think I prefer the former - Alina usually doesn’t like talking about herself, but she sure loves to ramble about art history.

The translation I can find for the metaphor Karin’s grandmother uses here in JP renders it “barely able to keep a business going” - so did Karin’s grandmother possibly own a business herself?  That’s a bit more interesting than just “struggled to make ends meet.”

Speaking of Karin’s grandmother, I really like her as a character.  Her relationship with Karin is really sweet - I mean, how often do you see a teenage girl and an older woman being fans of something together?  It happens in real life plenty of times, but it’s so rare to see this kind of interaction represented in fiction.

And it’s nice to see an example of mental illness being treated as just that – an illness.  I especially like that there’s consent to the cure – Grandma outright says she wishes to be cured, rather than Karin deciding as such on her own.  (As Karin is often wont to do…)

This is a fun illustration of how Alina has a very strong internal logic to her, but she’s really terrible at communicating it to other people.

Karin, naturally, takes Alina’s comment here as an exceptionally mean thing to say – it sounds like Alina is callously implying the thing Karin worked so hard on was so bad it wasn’t even worth Alina’s time to destroy, so she’s making Karin suffer even more in having to destroy it herself.

And the way Alina elaborates makes it quite clear that yes, she did mean to call Karin’s work garbage.  This isn’t Alina having difficulty with Japanese or English.

But while Alina’s sense of taste can be quite sadistic, I don’t think that’s what she was aiming for here.  Remember that Alina believes that “only the artist themselves has the right to destroy their work.”  So this is actually Alina acknowledging Karin’s work as art, and therefore only Karin has the right to rip it up.

And why rip it up?  Because whenever Alina finds her own work unsatisfactory, she destroys it.  Hence Alina’s question at the end of this little back-and-forth:

If Karin doesn’t want to rip up her manga, then according to Alina’s logic, that means she must be happy and satisfied with it.  But even Alina can tell that Karin is still unsatisfied and lying to herself, hence Alina’s frustration and confusion at Karin not destroying her work.

Another timeline note: Alina doesn’t lie, and even if she did, she doesn’t have a ring here.  So I think it’s pretty settled that Karin’s MGS takes place before Alina learned about magical girls.

Oh huh. In NA, Alina thinks she’ll be the one in trouble if Karin isn’t ready.  In the fan translation I’m used to, it seems like Alina is saying she’d just be mad herself… but I think NA has it right here.  (In the original JP, Alina is using the passive form of “get angry” without a subject.)

Both work, but the impression NA gives with both this change and the earlier one is that someone at the school is basically putting Alina in charge of supervising Karin.  Which… what the hell, Sakae Academy?

Going back a bit, Alina’s advice and its effect on Karin is interesting.  One of Karin’s flaws really is that she makes excuses for herself and only half-commits, so Alina pushing her to think about what she truly wants and work hard to get it was genuinely what Karin needed to hear at the time.

However, Alina is also an obsessive perfectionist that tends to push herself to very clearly unhealthy levels…

So it’s rather fitting that on following Alina’s advice, Karin ends up pushing herself into doing something very dangerous: insisting on fighting a witch alone even though Kaede tries to get her to retreat.  Karin is so determined she’s risking her life to fulfill her goal – something Alina would no doubt approve of.  But also a great illustration of why Alina and her advice is flawed too.

Which, come to think of it, is part of why Karin and Alina’s MGS actually form a nice pair of complementary short stories.  If you read them in chronological(?) / original JP release order, you first get to see how Alina helps Karin to grow as a person, and if you think hard about it, you can kind of see foreshadowing for Alina’s own issues.  Then in Alina’s MGS, you get confirmation of that foreshadowing about Alina, and furthermore, the payoff to Karin’s development with her now being the one to give Alina some hard-hitting advice.

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

1, 9, 15, 17, 21, 25, 26, 29, 33, 41, 46, 48, 54, 59, 68, 73, 81, 96, 98

😊

Oh my word! That's a lot!

Ok, here goes.

Behind cut for length

1. Name - I prefer Shanie but my parents call me “Mis”. Well, my mom calls me “Mis” my father calls me “Pooch” which I despise. Just stick with Shanie.

9. What did you study - I changed majors midway through college. I started out as an art major focusing on computer animation. That didn’t work out at ALL. Turns out I sucked ass at computer animation. Too much math involved. So I switched to a major in teaching with minors in history and popular culture. Unfortunately I failed at that too and, while I did graduate, it was with a degree in “Planned Program” which is a polite way of saying “General Ed”. I did earn my two minors though, so I guess that’s something!

15. Relationship Status -  Single. Very Very Single. I haven’t had a single date in about 10 years. By the looks of it, I’m going to stay single.

17. Do you have a crush - Do celebrities count? If not then no. I don't even know anyone IRL to have crushes on. I legit have nobody in my IRL life outside of my parents and my case manager. Kind of hard to have a crush when you don't have any friends or even acquaintances.

21: How was your day -  Well, today I got nothing accomplished. I did have a meeting with my case manager, so that was nice. It’s nice to have someone to talk to and infodump on (which she lets me). Outside of that I woke up, had breakfast, lunch, and dinner, had a nap, and went to Dairy Queen for ice cream on the way home. Unfortunately, DQ is on the far side of town and by the time I got home, it was melted. So it went in the fridge to eat later once it refreezes. Outside of that it was a pretty boring day.

25. Your fears - Whoo-ee. Ok. So coming in with the borderline I’d say my biggest fear is abandonment. That just comes with the territory. After that I have a huge fear of storms and waking up in a fire, both brought about by recurring nightmares. I also have a fear of flying (too much Air Crash Investigations) and I hate elevators. I’m not claustrophobic mind you, I just have a fear that they will fall on me. Anything over 3 stories and I’m having an anxiety attack. There are other, lesser fears but those are some of the big ones.

26. Your dreams - Well, in a literal sense, my dreams are wild, crazy adventures that I get most of my fanfics from. From a metaphorical standpoint I really don’t have any. I’ve given up on hoping for anything good in my life. I’m too busy trying to get from day to day to indulge in long term planning. I know it seems terrible, but it’s the truth.

29. Hobbies - Obviously action figures, that much is clear. I collect and customize them to display in my apartment. I also like making digital art (sometimes) and am starting to get into illustrations/artwork. However, I don’t have a tablet/pen for the computer so everything is done with the mouse and GIMP (which makes it difficult). I’m an avid collector of digital media. Some of my big ones are Doctor Who DVDs, Wrestling Entrance Themes, and Official Xena Photos (not the physical ones, jpeg scans). I used to be big into Wizard101 and, while I don’t really play anymore, I still like following the game on YT and on here.

33. Languages you speak – Only English, except it’s a very specific English. I usually speak what’s called the “Yinzer” dialect which is a dialect that is unique to the Pittsburgh region. That’s why you see me use the word “Yinz” a bunch. That’s our word for “You guys” or “Y’all”. However, while most of my speech is Yinzer, I have watched enough British TV in my lifetime to have picked up some Brit speech. It confuses the hell out of people when I use it because you’ll have me say things like “My apartment needs cleaned” and then follow it up thirty seconds later with, “I’m rubbish at cleaning.” My mother has picked up on this and sometimes calls me her “British Daughter” because of it.

41. Your Device Background – My phone’s lock screen is a picture of Shane in his Roman Centurion outfit from the one Royal Rumble photo shoot. My phone background is a checkered wallpaper with “SZ” on it for Sami Zayn. (That one might be getting changed if he stops being Sami.) And my computer background is just a night sky over the mountains. I rarely ever see my computer wallpaper so I don’t mind that it is a generic background.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done – You know how Lucy breathes fire on Xena? I taught myself how to do that. That wasn’t bright to begin with but it was made so much worse that I was underage and couldn’t buy Bacardi and was using lamp oil instead. I was young and dumb.

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life – Funny thing, I’m a sucker for strange foods. There was a list going around that said “How many of these weird foods have you eaten” and I think I had eaten all but six of them and that was only because I didn’t have access to them. I’m proud to say that, since then, I’ve knocked Quail Egg off the list! Turns out the local Japanese restaurant served it. So that knocked it down to five. Still need to get ahold of some gator meat and haggis. I’d love to try Foie Gras but it’s just so damn unethical that I don’t know if I could bring myself to eat it. Pheasant is another one that I’d love to try but I can’t convince my parents to buy me one (and I’m far too poor to afford it myself). But, yeah. I love strange foods. I’ll pretty much try any food once if I know it’s safe to eat.

54. Any tattoos or piercings – Unless you count partially pierced ears then no. And my ears are only partially pierced because after I had them done they got infected so I tried to let them heal shut. They ended up not closing fully and now, if I’m not adverse to a bit of pain, I can still wear earrings occasionally.

59. Song you wouldn’t normally admit you like – Judas is my guilty pleasure song. I know Jericho is a douchebag and I have tried to hate the song but I can’t. I end up singing along every time.

68. Favorite Movie/Series - Hmm... well, my all time favorite movie is definitely “The Towering Inferno”, hands down. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen that. I’m a sucker for disaster movies and, in my opinion, that one is the cream of the crop. I actually like it better than “The Poseidon Adventure” simply because I think the movie is inferior to the book. That said, I’ve also read both of the books that “The Towering Inferno” is based on and I like the combined movie better than them. Favorite series, however, I don’t think I have one definitive favorite series. I’ve had favoriteS like Xena, Buffy, Sherlock, Doctor Who, etc, but I’ve never had one all time favorite.

73: Favorite Greek God – Oh geez. Hmmm... You know, I’m going to have to go with Hermes here, primarily because I have this theory that he is the god of the internet. I know there was no internet in ancient Greece but, frankly, Hermes is the god of commerce, communication, travelers, and thieves. While it’s true that Hephaestus is the god of technology and would probably be the god of computers, I fully believe that Hermes would be the patron of the interwebs.

81 Favorite Books – In all honesty, going to college for 8 years burned me out for reading and now I can barely bring myself to read a comic book. For this reason, most of my favorite books come from childhood. My all time favorite book as a kid was “Flight #116 Is Down” by Caroline B Cooney. It was a disaster story about plane crash in a young woman’s back yard. Somehow, everyone didn’t die – a fact which was called out in the final pages when a fireman says that the crash was extremely odd because “usually they’re all dead.” That book might be another reason I’m terrified of flying. Other favorite books of mine was the “Fear Street Saga Trilogy” (Not the Fear Street Series, the trilogy that served as the origin story). I also like the Hitchhikers Guide saga but when I found out that Douglas Adams died before he could finish the saga, I stopped reading after book 4 so that the story had a happy ending. Novelizations in general are a big thing for me too, I’ve read some really good ones over the years and it’s fascinating to see how they differ from the movies they’re based on.

96. Hero or Villain – Well, if my dreams are anything to go by, I’m a villain at heart. I know, weird right? You all think I’m such a nice person but really, I have a huge dark side to me IRL and, if I was in a world where superheroes were real and I had superpowers I would almost certainly use them for evil. Or, at the very least I would use them to force social change ala Dr. Horrible.

98. Shapeshifting or Controlling Time – SHAPESHIFTING! Oh my goodness shapeshifting! I would love that so much! First of all, I wouldn’t be this huge anymore. I could be as heavy or a skinny as I want. Also, I wouldn’t have to worry about looking old or losing my hair! Plus, can you imagine the cosplay potential!? Forget dressing as the 13th Doctor, I AM THE 13th DOCTOR! That would just be the best!

PHEW! That was a lot! Thanks so much for the ask! This was fun. I love ask games.

[madamhatter]

in which the middle daughter is spoken about.

Unlike the movie adaptation (or technically speaking, the loosely adaption of the book), the H.owl’s M.oving C.astle book brings to light a lot to Sophie’s actual family situation and much more of her personality and actually has her as the primary focus. In this case, we’re looking at a smaller detail and the relationship between eldest daughter with her younger sister, Lettie. 

Lettie, for only movie-watchers, is the middle child of the Hatter trio with black raven hair and dazzling blue eyes. Considered the most beautiful of the three sisters, and with a history of having a temper and throwing tantrums when younger, she is quite representative of standard Hatter pride. Her outward presentation and quick-timing in responses, and not being afraid to hide her emotions, tells us all the same: she is a determined mind. 

As the middle daughter, she also falls under being the next unlikely to have fortune, but has a far greater chance than her older sister. Unlike the eldest, who took the leap to accept fate ever since she was young, the middle daughter is annoyed by it and often picked fights with her younger sister, Martha, over the matter. Both are as extroverted as they are strong-minded. 

Sophie ended up having to break up the fights always and having to mend their clothes -- alongside that, she also did raise both Martha and Lettie. One example is Lettie’s best dress for May Day. It was created by Sophie and it led the middle sister to gaining so many suitors on the day (and, yes, that was accidentally Sophie’s fault because of her magic) that Sophie had to shoo off! 

Lettie is such an uncompromising spirit and so stalwart in her ways, that the only person who could reason (and if not, stop her) was the worst stubborn person in the household, Sophie herself. Fanny accredits Sophie for having “dealt” with Lettie when she was younger, but it seems quite clear that the sisters have better read on another than their own mother does. That is evident enough by the relationship between the sisters and the circumstances of the eldest daughter raising her sisters. 

With the news that the sisters couldn’t continue schooling (after Mr. Hatter’s death), Lettie was intending on continuing her studies and was quite mad (but controlled her temper) after being told she’d apprentice at Cesari’s. Her eldest sister was anticipating the reaction, but is quite relieved in this rare case. 

It’s safe to say that Lettie is the most ambitious of the trio, but is also the most focused on herself. She is forthright in making something for herself and living off happily one way or another. Hell, she didn’t bother much with helping Martha’s packing when the youngest sister was sent to apprentice under Fairfax. When it was her turn to leave, she passed some coin to a local boy, took a barrel, placed her items in there, and had it rolled out to the bakery. 

Despite the great contrasts of outward personalities between the sisters (Sophie and Lettie), they are remarkably close and are a lot more alike than one may realize. The eldest daughter resigned herself young and the middle daughter was relentless; most of their characteristics overlapped with another as the longer Sophie was removed her home situation, a lot of her older/once lost personality is restored and revigorated. 

Both younger sisters are very aware of how Sophie drags herself down and has no self-confidence, no less self-respect, for herself.

“Lettie kept saying she didn’t know what would happen to you when we weren’t around to give you some self-respect. She was right to be worried.” Context: Martha speaking to Sophie

Jones, Diana Wynne. Howl's Moving Castle (Howl's Castle Book 1) . Greenwillow Books. Kindle Edition.

Lettie has been as worried over her eldest sister as much as Martha has been. It’s not a secret about Sophie’s tendencies are can get very concerning. Hell, the fact that the eldest sister stayed cooped up in her atelier and was gone for several months was already too much for Martha. The sisters are really the ones that held Sophie above the water while everyone else around her just did what they wanted and ignored her.

After Lettie and Martha switched places, and when she learned of Sophie’s disappearance, Lettie was so worried that she sent a cursed dog she found to find Sophie and protect her. She never wanted to leave her sister alone when she barely had the details pertaining to her situation, and still sent out something to go and protect her, in spite of what little she knows. 

No matter how much she would fight with Martha, and she would fight with Sophie and be in the strange parent-child situation with her, Lettie remarkably cares. She even cried when she received news that Sophie had suddenly disappeared and went through working any means of trying to locate her. Hence, the dog who appeared at the castle who hunted after the eldest daughter. 

Even if she is known for arguments and stating everything that she feels, Lettie still has her awkward moments and get a bit shy. There is one scene that illustrates this point and it’s towards the end of the book after Sophie’s curse is broken and the defeat of the fire demon.

This scene originally made me want to write out about Lettie and the relationship she has with her sister. It was a small interaction, but it’s in the details that tells us the most about people. 

"....that Fanny, Martha, and Lettie were plucking at Sophie’s sleeves...” “ “Sophie,” said Lettie, “I need your advice.””

Jones, Diana Wynne. Howl's Moving Castle (Howl's Castle Book 1) . Greenwillow Books. Kindle Edition.

After being confronted by the prospect of becoming an apprentice, Lettie has her own wall-flower moment of sorts! She was blushing and unable to speak, and the eldest sister quietly thought that was Lettie’s problem before handling the current situation. However, Lettie comes over and and takes up pulling on Sophie’s sleeve and directly and personally needing her attention and word for the current situation. 

For a big personality like Lettie, who is undeniably more outspoken and forward-thinking than her sister, there is a form of trust and looking up that she has towards Sophie. It is such a innocent gesture and and request between middle and eldest daughter. The very fact that Fanny is in the same place, their own mother, and Lettie would rather go to her sister says quite a bit.

I do see this interaction as a way to communicate that Lettie and Sophie’s relationship can overlap between siblings and guardian-like. It also reveals that the sister(s) to seek out Sophie as opposed to their mother for advice and help. The eldest daughter hears much, much more of her sisters’ emotions and thoughts compared to their mother. Like the trio (and any combination between them) would rather depend on another, for example. 

Overall, Lettie the very iron-headed and sharp-witted middle sister of Mister Hatter; the middle-born who was less likely to have her fortune found compared to her youngest sister, but persevered and did what she wanted. She isn’t emotionally or mentally compromised as Sophie, but is very aware of her eldest sister’s frame of mind and emotions -- she is as caring and empathetic to Sophie as Sophie is to most people. Both sisters may have a background of fighting and  being in a strange parent-child arrangement, but they very much love each other (and the middle sister does really value her eldest sister’s world). 

[pilot-boi]

Too Long Since Rest: Chapter One

Weiss is sleeping fine she swears. Okay, maybe she keeps staying up doing extra schoolwork. And fine maybe occasionally she's too stressed to sleep. And then the stress and the anxiety brought nightmares. But that was all fine, and she was handling it! Totally.

Now if only she could convince one Ruby Rose of that.

(More College AU, because have been thinking about this far too much)

Lacking Sleep

Ruby isn’t the best at picking up on most social cues, but even she isn’t blind enough to overlook that Weiss is basically asleep standing up.

AO3 LINK

It’s late afternoon, some time after the last intense bits of work for the day, and Ruby and Weiss are sitting on a sun-warmed ledge near the edge of the campus, spending their rare bit of free time winding down from classes and not doing anything with their aching limbs for a while. 

They weren’t allowed a lot of time off, the clock was very much ticking what with finals and stuff, so what they do get, they cherish, whether alone or together.

Ruby was rambling on and on about something, voice loud and animated. Her points were illustrated with wide sweeps of her arms and exaggerated expressions like usual. Not even exhaustion could muffle her voice or her enthusiasm.

She was rambling about something, sure, but Weiss had lost track of what exactly she was talking about what felt like hours ago, although it definitely hadn’t been that long.

Ruby’s voice dulled to indecipherable background noise in her mind as she stared out in front of herself, eyes too stubborn or too lazy to move from watching how the specks that were people bustled around on the lower levels.

Then a gloved hand flailed into her vision, way too close to her face, and Weiss startled back.

“Hey!” came Ruby’s voice, and Weiss turned to look at her belatedly. She looked annoyed, but that too only reached Weiss’s consciousness as something sluggish and unimportant. “You listening?”

Weiss blinked at her slowly. God, she hated how much her brain was refusing to start and catch up right now. “What?”

Ruby doesn’t answer immediately, just stared at her for what could’ve been seconds or whole minutes, Weiss really couldn’t tell. Her annoyance seemed to melt away into something else, either curiosity or concern or maybe something else starting with a “c”?

 Weiss wasn’t sure, but she was almost entirely distracted by the fact that Ruby’s eyelashes were very pretty, and she has a truly unfair amount of them. If she didn’t know better, she would think that she used makeup. But she’d known Ruby long enough to know that that wasn’t the case…

Her thought process that was kind of just drifting around her head aimlessly was interrupted again by a hand against her forehead, specifically Ruby’s hand. It was only the backs of her fingers, pressing lightly into Weiss’s forehead, way more gently than what she was used to from Ruby in most scenarios.

Weiss shook her head and forced her eyes back into focus, and she was vaguely aware of Ruby pulling her hand back. “What the hell are you doing?”

Ruby shrugged. “Just checking.”

“Checking what?” She rubbed absently at her forehead, because she weirdly felt like Ruby’s touch was lingering on her skin. Way after she shook off the feeling, she recognized the gesture as Ruby checking her for a fever, maybe? But why would she do that? “I’m fine,” Weiss added, just in case.

Ruby didn’t look convinced. “Are you, though?”

Weiss just made a confused noise at her. She hoped it would suffice.

It seemed to, because Ruby shrugged again and kept talking. “I don’t know, you’ve just been zoning out all day and I actually had to remind you about the essay for Goodwitch. And when I asked for help with it you gave in, like, way too easily, and you didn’t even sulk about it!”

Okay, that one was definitely true. So maybe Weiss has had less focus today than on most days and didn’t feel up to making a fuss about losing. So what?

“And you look terrible!” Ruby continued, and wow, rude. Weiss wondered if her friend’s claim had any truth to it, though. She hasn’t looked in a mirror all day, didn’t really have the time. “I mean, not to be mean, but really! I didn’t think it was possible. You’re you!” 

Weiss wanted to tell her to get out of here with that simplification, but her sluggish mind didn’t seem to have any sharp comeback in stock and she didn’t feel up to all of Ruby’s teasing right now. 

Her mind was annoyingly fuzzy and the world around her felt like she was seeing and hearing it through frosted glass. When she opened her mouth to say what was definitely going to be a witty comeback, what came out instead was a yawn so big her jaw popped.

Ruby’s brow visibly furrowed at that. “How much did you sleep last night?”

What a dumb, irrelevant question. What was Ruby on about, anyway? But she didn’t feel up to arguing with her right now. She wondered why, but her mind came up blank, just like with everything else today. Annoying.

“I don’t know. Enough?”

“Weiss…” Ruby all but sighed, the exasperated kind, and okay, what was with that? Weiss felt like she was being pinned as the idiot here, which was just completely unreasonable. Ruby was clearly the idiot in this partnership.

She wasn’t. Not really. They were both idiots, while also they were very much not. Weiss wondered for a moment if that was why they worked so well together.

Ruby leaned in closer and searched for Weiss’s gaze, silver eyes flickering slightly from side to side until Weiss finally gave in and looked at her. Even with her red-tinged hair hiding half her face, she looked so sincere and gentle, and it made Weiss sigh and give in way too easily.

Because Ruby had these unexpected little moments when her rough edges and everything that made her almost overwhelming to be around day and night seemed to soften out. When her warmth felt less like Weiss was going to burn up any second, and more like a mug of hot coffee when you’d been out in the cold all day but forgot your gloves at home.

And Weiss is utterly and regrettably weak for Ruby letting herself go soft on her. And so she gave in.

“Okay… not much sleep,” she admitted, eyes flickering away before she forced them back to Ruby’s face. “But it’s fine!”

But by now Ruby knew how to see behind Weiss’s words and read behind her lines, in most cases anyway. She knew that Weiss always downplayed her own problems, because she was a big stubborn dumby, obsessed with thinking that she never needed any help.

Ruby was constantly swinging between finding it very worrying and just supremely irritating, like some kind of very distressed pendulum. And so she arrived at a worrying, but fairly obvious interpretation. “Have you slept at all?”

Maybe it was because she was so tired and her thoughts were all fuzzy in her head. Maybe it was Ruby still being all soft and warm right in front of her. Maybe it was both, Weiss wasn’t sure. But once again, her stubborn resolve crumbled like it was never there in the first place. “...no.”

Ruby did not at all look pleased about that. “So you haven’t slept. At all. In over a day.”

Okay, screw this. Weiss looked away for real now because he couldn’t keep looking at Ruby anymore, not when even with her tone flat and clearly displeased she was looking at her like that. She hoped her deadpan tone was a herald of their usual teasing returning, because she knew how to handle that.

Worst case scenario she could just pretend to be offended and leave and then apologize over terrible cafeteria food. She knew how to handle the teasing and shoving and the bad jokes. Serious schoolwork and well-honed teamwork and interactions that somehow maybe border on flirting. She knew all of that.

She didn’t know how to handle something like this.

In the end she just sighed, defeated, as if Ruby needed any more confirmation. “...Maybe.”

Weiss wasn’t sure if at this point she was expecting Ruby to call her an idiot and jump back into teasing her relentlessly. Or maybe she was just hoping that was what was going to happen so that she could finally return to her comfort zone of snark and stubbornness and never leave again.

As warm and delighted seeing Ruby go all soft on her made her feel, it also wasn’t something she could handle for long, or at all really. She might handle it okay as long as she didn’t think about it, she wasn’t sure, because that blessed state of mind never tended to last her long.

But instead of going back to their usual dynamic and leaving Weiss to stew in her confused feelings in peace, Ruby sighed and for a moment she looked downright… worried? Weiss wasn’t sure, and the next moment that expression was gone, replaced by a look of fond exasperation that she was very familiar with, and so she decided that it must’ve just been her tired brain misinterpreting things.

“Alright. Okay,” Ruby started, talking but not saying anything like she tended to when devising some over-the-top plan to sneak her dog into the dorms that would definitely get her caught by the RA’s. “You’re going to bed. Right now.”

First of all, no, because Weiss was not a child anymore, and thus no one could tell her when her bedtime was. Okay, maybe Goodwitch could, but Goodwitch was kind of her own category in everything. 

Ruby, who was an absolute menace on her best days, was two whole years younger than Weiss. And she was technically a freshman, and so had no rights. Especially no right to order her to go to bed.

Second of all, why the hell did she sound so determined?

Weiss wanted to tell her all that, especially the first part, as in screw you, Ruby Rose, but of course her brain and whatever part of it was supposed to handle her eloquence was not currently up to the job. “Ruby-”

“Nope! I don’t care, Weiss Cream, you gotta sleep.” She finally leaned back, which Weiss was grateful for, because she didn’t know how much longer she could’ve taken Ruby staring at her like that without straight up melting probably. 

Ruby rocked back as she gathered momentum, and stood up annoyingly quickly when Weiss herself felt comparable to a sack of potatoes that somehow figured out how to grow legs. “Come on. Let’s get you back to your room.”

Weiss stared at the hand extended her way for a moment before she succumbed to her fate and let herself be pulled up.

She didn’t know what to do when Ruby was like this, and she especially didn’t know now. She’d had Ruby go soft on her before, sure, but she’d never had her gently pushing and herding her around like this, the way Winter sometimes did and maybe something like the rare moments her mother did, too.

She’d always managed to brush Ruby off or get out of the situation before things could come to this, rushing back to the security she found in teasing or rolling her eyes or sulking in her dorm for a while. Not that her roommate was ever a big help in that regard. If Ruby was loud, her sister was unbearable.

But now she was in it and too tired to come up with anything and plan ten steps ahead, and so she had no choice but to go with it.

She swayed with vertigo once she was on her feet, the world before her eyes blinking out in blotches of colour and black. She vaguely felt Ruby’s arm around her back, her side pressed against hers, the only solid thing as the world came back into focus and the ringing in her ears subsided.

Ruby didn’t let go once they started moving, and Weiss didn’t have the energy to shove her off. If she’d been honest with herself, she’d say she didn’t want to either.

She was barely paying attention to the walk back to her room, the pavement passing beneath her feet, the familiar faces they passed, and the corners they turned when Ruby pulled her this way or that. She was mostly just aware of Ruby’s movements, a rhythm that matched her own, and the warm presence still pressed against her side.

Her mind was a pleasantly sleepy fuzz despite it still being light out and it not even being dinner time yet, but she trusted Ruby not to lead her stray or let her run into any corners or any people.

The next thing Weiss knew, she was being guided down onto her bed on top of her comforter in her blessedly roommate-less dorm room. Gentle pushes and nudges laying her down, and Ruby’s arm was still around her like she was worried she was just going to fall over on her own. Honestly, she might.

The moment she can, Weiss curled up on her side, eyes shut. Because despite how she’d been holding up okay all day, now she felt positively exhausted all of the sudden. And being back in her own bed only seemed to make that even more obvious. Ruby was right for once, she really should go to sleep early.

She felt comfortable and heavy, her mind pleasantly blank and slow and fuzzy with sleepiness. She just about heard Ruby still moving around her room, her footsteps light without any conscious thought. But Weiss was too comfortable to open her eyes again or move at all, or even to just make a single sound to thank her.

Doing anything at all right then felt like it’d take incredible effort to achieve, and Weiss was entirely content with not doing anything at all. Just hanging on the edge of falling asleep.

She was too out of it to even feel surprised when she felt a blanket settling over her, warm and smelling like sunshine because she’d had it draped over her desk chair by the window. She felt the bed dip as Ruby sat on it near her knees, arranging the blanket over her better.

Her friend folded back the edge of it over Weiss’s shoulder neatly, carefully, in a way Weiss couldn’t remember Winter ever doing, but how she thought her mother maybe used to, once upon a time. She followed the feeling of Ruby smoothing the blanket down over her one last time, a gentle pressure against her shoulder before it slipped away.

She expected Ruby to stand and leave now, her self-assigned job already more than done, but she didn’t feel any movement. Then-

“Would it really be so hard for you to stop worrying me for just, like, two days?” Ruby sighed, her voice gentle and fond and so quiet that Weiss’s fuzzy mind could barely make out the words. She was certain that were she actually asleep, this wouldn’t have woken her up at all. 

Weiss wondered absently if Ruby thought she was already asleep, too. “Because I do worry about you, y’know?” She heard the girl murmur, and vaguely felt a hand brush her bangs away from her face. “You wouldn’t believe me if you were awake, but I do.”

Oh.

But Weiss did believe her, as scary as it was to admit sometimes. As much as she didn’t want to interpret the signs most days because she didn’t know what to do with them. But Ruby had said it, and Weiss believed her.

And her heart ached, because Ruby sounded so sad and Weiss didn’t know why, but she knew that she wanted to help and to fix it. But she couldn’t bring herself to move, to do anything at all. Her body and mind and everything was too heavy, too close to the edge of sleep. And so she did nothing.

“I wish you trusted me enough to ask for my help sometimes.”

Ruby lingered for another moment after that, and Weiss found herself trying to commit her words into memory. Then the mattress shifted and leveled out again, Ruby’s weight gone from it.

“Night,” she said, from further away now, her voice still quiet enough to let Weiss sleep over it, but sounding maybe a little bit more fond than sad this time. And then Weiss heard the door open and close as quietly as it could, just barely over the sleepiness filing her head.

[forgottenpasta]

Wednesday

Summary: Each day of the week was reserved for one member: Jimin on Mondays, Namjoon on Tuesdays, Hoseok on Wednesdays, Seokjin on Thursdays, Taehyung on Fridays, Jeongguk on Saturdays and Yoongi on Sundays. Juggling a relationship with seven boys was difficult on its own. Add to that your insecurities, your mother’s disapproval and Hoseok forgetting your anniversary and you had the makings of the worst Wednesday ever. (...Or the best Wednesday ever?)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader, Ot7 x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Unprotected Sex, Oral (female receiving), Rimming, Creampie Rough Sex, Public Sex, Fingering, Orgasm Denial

Word Count: 12.2k

A/N: Enjoy! :)

“Where is it?”, you muttered, throwing open your closet to scan the contents of your scarf drawer. After a short second you slammed it close with a curse.

Your favourite green scarf with pretty red lace tulips sewn in on the edges was nowhere to be found. You’d checked the laundry and every inch of your living space with no luck. Pouting at the thought of losing the precious gift Jimin had given you after returning from the European leg of their tour, you slumped on your bed. Snatching your phone from where it had been charging on the bedside table, you dialled Hoseok’s number, not giving a mind to the loud clack as the charger’s adapter pulled free of the socket and fell on the floor, the wire still connected to the phone at your ear.

There were two reasons for your foul mood this lovely Wednesday morning. One was the scarf, and the other…

Hoseok hadn’t called like he did every Wednesday morning to confirm he wasn’t busy and that he’d be spending the night with you. But that wasn’t all. Today was special for the two of you. Just the two of you. And despite your myriad hints leading up to this day, Hoseok hadn’t shown even the slightest proof that he remembered. 

He hadn’t called you and now he wasn’t picking up his phone. 

With a frustrated sigh, you dialled Jin instead. He answered on the third ring.

“Babygirl.” 

A content smile flitted on your face at the eldest’s soft endearment of a greeting, temporarily easing the unknown frustration you’d been feeling the last few days. 

“Good morning Jin.” His name was a sigh on your lips, and you knew he’d be able to pick up on your current temperament from just that. Out of all of them, Jin was the most attuned to your emotions, often the one you sought out when you were feeling down or moody or if you just needed someone to cuddle away all your worries. No wonder he was the one you’d automatically called. 

Sure enough, he sounded more alert when he asked, “What’s wrong, __?” 

“I can’t find my favourite green scarf.”, you whined. You sounded like a petulant three year old complaining to her mother, but you knew Jin would never make fun of you.

An amused snicker sounded down the line. “Aww, did babygirl lose her blankie?”

You scowled at your iPhone, then slapped it back against your ear. “Seokjin, you traitor. You’ve been hanging out with Taehyung too much.”

“What can I say,” You heard the sound of a door closing, likely Jin coming out of his room. “He’s been unusually generous lately. Been paying for all our food, insists on it even.”

“He’s upto something.”, you said without a second thought. 

“Oh I’m sure. Likely wants in on the rap line now that he’s secured a spot on the dance one. That boy won’t rest till he’s had a cypher of his own.” Jin yawned and you heard the distinct sound of the fridge opening. “Just last week I saw him disappear into Yoongi’s studio for hours. Just to come out with an intense look of determination on his face. Like he was about to go to war. I was scared.”

You chuckled, a sudden urge came over you to kiss Taehyung breathless, till he could no longer conjure up all kinds of schemes in that adorable head of his. More and more often, similar surges of emotion regarding the guys would pop up in your brain when you were away from them. 

If a sweet love song played at the cafe you worked at, you started craving Jeongguk’s soft, whispered singing in your ear. If you read a particularly interesting book, you immediately wanted to discuss it with Namjoon. You shivered every time you passed a sex shop on the streets, remembering Jimin’s expert hands binding you with his silken ropes till you quivered with anticipation. Jin’s affectionate gestures were always at the back of your mind when you saw a couple on the streets or a lifetime movie with too much romance and not enough plot. And even the most random things reminded you of Yoongi. A cat cuddled into a ball outside your window, an oversized black hoodie on someone, the smell of brewed chocolate (his favourite drink ever since you’d rendered all his recording equipment unusable by pouring a cup of it over them). 

And Hoseok. He was the start of it all, the member you had met even before you knew seven boys were going to crash into your boring, monotonous life and turn it upside down. The first person you had fell in love with. The one who had introduced you to the rest of them. 

The one who was supposed to be your one and only boyfriend. 

Till you’d come to the horrifying realisation that you felt more than just platonic affection for the six other boys who’d come attached with him like a buy one get six free package deal.

Jin’s voice snipped that train of thought in the bud. “I can tell you’re not listening to me, babygirl. I’d feel offended but thankfully the size of my ego is directly proportionate to my handsomeness.”

You rolled your eyes, too used to his boasting. “Can you ask Namjoon if he saw the scarf? He was here last night when I was wearing it.”

Jin huffed and you heard him moving through the dorm again. “You only call me when you need something, __. I’m sure I don’t like it.”

You grinned. “What happened to your invincible ego? Besides, I distinctly recall you getting off to my moans when I called you last Thursday, just for you to turn it into phone sex—”

“I was 587 miles away from you, woman! We had a show the next day, I couldn’t just book a flight from Narita to Incheon just to spend a few hours with you like last time.” Jin groaned. “I needed you so bad and my hand was a piss poor replacement.”

Your heart was melting into a sympathetic puddle. But before you could reply to his impassioned declaration Jin started laughing. 

“Yo, what the fuck!”, he managed in between guffaws. 

Perking up , you asked, “What is it?”

“What did you do to poor Namjoon last night?” You heard a little shuffling, then a groggy voice groaned in the background. “He’s out cold on the couch, muttering in his sleep. Here listen.”

“…mmhfh y/n-ah, juft one mor paghe n weh cann fuk…hmf…”

“Oh my god!” You giggled, not being able to understand the sounds coming out of his mouth anymore. Jin must have brought the phone close to his mouth. 

“What did you do to him?!”

In between suppressed laughter, you managed to explain, “He wanted to have sex so bad last night but I had a ton of classwork, so he helped me complete it, hoping it would get done faster and he’ll get some. But he fell asleep on my desk writing an essay on Turko-Mongol war strategy and weaponry.”

“You and your essays on dead people.”, Jin teased, still chuckling. The boys were well aware of your love for history and literature, even indulged your interests by buying you all kinds of first editions of rare books and published articles. During your Medieval era European poets phase, Yoongi had bought you some early 16th century illustrations of Dante’s Divine Comedy. They were so priceless that you’d cried at the sight of them. When you’d haltingly asked where and how he got them when even reputed museums had difficulty finding early Dante illustrations, Yoongi had evaded your question like the plague. To this day you suspected he had some very high connections in the black market.

“Oh and by the way”, Jin said offhandedly. “I think he’s drooling on your scarf.”

Mirth disappeared and your eyes went round. “What?!” Then you remembered you’d wrapped it around his neck early this morning while you were still half asleep, hoping he wouldn’t catch a cold on his way to the dorm. “Aagh, get it away from him!”

The doorbell went off just then, surprising you. You weren’t expecting anyone.

“Umm Jin, I’ll call you later,” you told him, getting up from your bed. “Save my scarf please. That’s the only gift I have from Jimin that isn’t a sex toy. And also, ask Hoseok to call me please.”

 “Sure.”, he reassured. “Are you coming to our photoshoot today? I know you don’t have any classes scheduled.”

“Miss a chance of seeing you guys all dolled up and posing sexily? Hell no.”

Jin laughed. “I love you, you pervert. Bye.”

“Mmhm, I love me too.” You hung up, knowing full well that Jin would be rolling his eyes at your antics.

“I’m coming!”, you shouted as the bell went off again, striding out of your bedroom and towards the front door. The smiling face of your mother was the last thing you were expecting to see when you opened it.

“Mom!” You hugged her automatically. “What are you doing here?”

She patted your back, dropping a kiss on the side of your head. Her ever youthful face coming into your view as she pulled back. “I was in Seoul to attend a soiree some of my friends were hosting. I couldn’t leave without meeting you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”, you said cheerfully, ushering her in and closing the door. “Let’s talk in the kitchen. I’ll make some tea for you.”

She followed you into the kitchen, seating herself on one of the breakfast barstools as you set about making her a hot cup of her preferred beverage. “Thank you, dear. I really appreciate that you keep tea in your kitchen for when I visit, even though you don’t drink it.”

“Oh, umm, it’s nothing mom.” You stared at the water filling the kettle intently, not having the heart to tell her that you also kept it for when Taehyung stayed over. He didn’t like the taste of coffee.

Your mother knew about your relationship with the seven boys. Your father didn’t. After those first few weeks of being with them, you’d taken the risk of telling her because you had no one to talk about such a big change happening in your life. You couldn’t tell any of your college friends because technically Bangtan were not supposed to be dating anyone, let alone all seven of them dating one, lest their fangirls (and boys) get mad. You couldn’t risk outing them. The only one you hundred percent trusted to keep a secret was your mom. So you had told her. And as expected she’d kept your secret even from your father. 

 But that did not mean she approved or supported seven men being with her one daughter. 

“Hows college going, sweetheart?”, she asked, watching you put in a tablespoon of sugar in her tea, just as she liked. 

“It’s going good.” You paused. That was a lie. “Actually I barely get time to complete my class projects. It’s kinda hectic.”

“__, please tell me you finally broke it off with those boys.”, she blurted out as soon as you poured her a cup. 

There it was. Of course she would assume you didn’t get time because your boyfriends took up all of it.

Rubbing sluggishly at your eyes, you sighed. Your mother was never one to beat around the bush.

“Mom, I love them.” You looked up into her eyes so she could see how sincere you were. “I’m not going to end it with them.”

She took a cautious sip from her cup, a contemplative expression coming over her face. You braced yourself. When your mother got thoughtful, it meant she was about to drop some serious truth bombs and painful facts that you were likely not going to like or want to hear. 

“So, are you waiting for them to end it with you?” She raised a brow, phrasing her question like she was genuinely curious. You knew better. 

“ You’re a very intelligent girl, dear. Do you seriously see such an arrangement lasting?” Her mouth twisted at the word “arrangement”, like it tasted foul.

Gazing at the ceiling, you prayed for her understanding, even though a part of you understood her reservations and that she was only looking after you. 

“You don’t know them like I do, mom. They love me too. Very much so.” Your voice came out strained, ruining the conviction you’d wanted to infuse it with.

“I don’t doubt that. Look at me, __.”, she ordered softly.

You did and she offered you a tentative smile. “I don’t doubt that at all. You deserve all the love in the world and more. But a little pragmatism goes a long way, __. How is it possible that seven men keep themselves limited to one girl only?”

She took your hand that was fisted on top of the counter, slowly prying the tensed muscles open till you gave her your palm and she kissed the middle of it. “I don’t want you to get hurt, y/n. And you’re only setting yourself up for a seven times bigger fallout if you keep this thing up. Men are notoriously possessive creatures, if they don’t seek out other women, they’ll likely fight amongst themselves for you.”

Shaking your head, you took your hand out of her grasp. “No, mom. They’re very close, like brothers. They do get jealous when other men hit on me but never each other.” 

Your mother sighed, frustration creeping up on her face. Her tone hardened as she said, “Then they would not hesitate to kick you to the curb if you threaten their unity even the slightest bit. I did not want to do this but you have to stop being so naïve, __. Haven’t you thought about why they agreed to this thing with you so easily?”

You almost said because they liked you so much, but you knew that wasn’t the answer your mother had in mind. “I’m sure you’re going to enlighten me.”

She leaned forward with a scowl. “Because it’s convenient. They’re insanely popular right now. Everywhere they go they’ve got eyes on them. Even your recluse of a father, who only concerns himself with politics and sports knows their songs. It’s easier for them to keep and share one woman then deal with seven.”

The kitchen was deathly silent save for the blood rushing in your ears. You did not want to hear this. You did not want some half baked ideas your mom had raise doubts in your mind about the boys. 

Forcing back the tears that threatened, you softly murmured, “Mom, please.” 

But she wasn’t done. “You drop everything to go to them. You keep yourself available 24/7. At their beck and call seven days a week.”

“It’s not like that.”, you exclaimed. “They support me just as much, if not more. They never ask for more than I’m comfortable giving.”

“That’s the problem, y/n.”, your mother snapped. “You’re willing to give too much of yourself. Better reel yourself in before you find yourself utterly vulnerable and exposed, with no one to lean on.”

“What does that mean?”, you asked, just as harshly.

“It means…”, she paused, as if debating wether to continue or not, before shaking her head. “I’m telling you to be ready for the time when they find partners of their own.”

Aggravated at her continued belabouring, you threw up your hands. “I’ve told you they aren’t interested in other girls—”

“Yet.” She cut you off. “Or maybe who knows, they might just be keeping company of others behind your back. Though you’re smart you’ve never been very observant.”

“Mom!”, you almost shouted, horrified at what she was insinuating. Even the thought of them going behind your back like that was unbearably painful. But you trusted them, so this whole conversation was unnecessary. “You’re just saying that because you haven’t met them. Once you’ll get to know what kind of people they really are, you wouldn’t say such things.”

She sneered, clearly put off by even the idea of meeting them. Then she delivered the final blow. “That’s not gonna happen, Y/n. The day you bring home seven men at once, your father will have a heart attack. And I’m not ever going to be interested in meeting the men who treat my daughter like a communal shower.”

“Mom.”, you breathed, pinching the bridge of your nose for patience and to quell the tears that were waiting to burst free. You couldn’t believe she actually said that. “I think you should leave.”

 “I think so too.” You heard her get up from the barstool, opening your eyes to gaze unseeingly at her half empty cup on the counter. 

The sound of her retreating footsteps stopped at the entryway. “I’m your mother, __. I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you. Remember that.” 

And with that parting reminder, she left. As soon as the door closed behind her, your tears fell like a dam burst free, crumbling all your emotional defences along with it. Slowly, and not-so-gracefully you crumbled to the kitchen floor yourself, your butt hitting the cool tiles as you buried your face in your knees, wrapping your arms around them to make a rolled up, human ball of woe. 

When initially you’d told your mother about the boys almost half an year ago she’d been disbelieving at first. Later, when she’d finally accepted you were not joking, she’d told you that you would get tired of “this new polyamory fad” soon, not being able to handle dealing with so many people in your love life at once. You guessed that after almost a year of you dating Bangtan, she’d finally come around to the fact that this wasn’t just a phase in her daughter’s life. Today was the first time she’d gotten so vocal about her disapproval though. Usually it was just snide remarks, invasive questions or straight up ignoring that you were even dating someone. You knew that keeping such a big thing from your dad because of the promise you’d extracted from her also weighed on her conscience.  

The chill seeped from the cold tiles to your whole body and you shivered as you wiped your tears, frowning when more rushed to replace them. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t asked all those questions your mother had raised yourself. Trepidation had racked you when you’d first ventured into such a daring commitment with them. Will you alone be able to satisfy them? How would you divide your time amongst seven men? What if they got bored with you, or worse, jealous of each other? Would they seek out someone else?

But slowly and surely, the boys had shown you that trust and loyalty, though hard earned, were bonds that survived the treacherous potholes of navigating a polyamorous relationship. You trusted them, you were loyal to them. They trusted you, they were loyal to you. 

Or were they?

Shaking your head, you got up off the floor with a huff, stalking to your bedroom with an irritated gait. This is why you did not want to talk to your mother. You were only human. The seeds of doubt once sown, germinated into assumptions and suspicion you absolutely loathed. Mainly, because you were self aware enough to realise that they had no real substance to them, they only reflected your own secret fears back at you. But again, you were only human and no matter how much you tried to shake off the encounter with your mom, your mood soured further when your overactive imagination supplied images of the boys with other women. 

And your age old enemy, insecurity, reared its ugly head. Taehyung was an ass man, maybe he’d like to be with someone with a bigger butt. Were you even intelligent enough for Namjoon? Jin would suit a more wholesome woman who knew how to cook something other than ramen. Yoongi liked breasts, maybe someone with a perkier pair. You could not sing to save your life, so why did Jeongguk like you when all his female celebrity crushes had killer pipes? Jimin used to train submissives before you came into his life, did he think about those happier times? 

Did Hoseok resent having to share you with his members when you’d pledged to love him and only him? 

You were angrily yanking open your closet to look for something to wear to their photoshoot when your phone flashed from where you’d thrown it on the bed before your mom had officially ruined your day. 

Peeking a look at it, you wondered if you should have read your horoscope. Because the day was far from over.

Hobi: Few high school friends invited me for drinks tonight. Rain check?

~.~.~

Exactly one year ago ~

The bookstore became eerily quite after 10 pm. Only a few last minute stragglers sometimes showed up to look for some obscure book they obviously couldn’t find anywhere else. 

You loved being with your lonesome self behind the cash register. Usually with a book in your hands, reading up on all kinds of historical fiction, medieval fantasies, long forgotten poems of equally unknown poets and of course the occasional bodice ripper. 

Which was what you were doing when the bell above the entrance chimed, indicating someone was indeed, on the prowl for some late night book hunting. You didn’t look up from the raunchy text in your lap as a dark figure passed by, clearly no more interested in exchanging pleasantries than you were. With a shrug you went back to focus on the guilty pleasure of a novel you’d picked for yourself tonight. A courtesan heroine during renaissance Italy who entertained patrons from not only the newly emerging Humanist circles but also the corrupt members of the clergy? Oh yes please. 

But when, out of the corner of your eye, you saw the newcomer heading for the comic book section you grew intrigued. Late night hunting for…comic books? 

Close proximity to the Seoul National University meant that the bookstore you worked at housed mostly academic readings. And as such the people who came here were also mostly students who wished to buy a copy of the expensive publishings they could otherwise also find in a library. That alone meant that the bookstore was never buzzing with customers. Let alone ones who were looking for some flashy illustrations and superhero escapism. The comic books you had on offer usually just collected dust. 

Curiosity getting the better of you, you abandoned your heroine in midst of a wanton tryst with a nobleman to observe the anomaly currently browsing the comics on display. 

He had on a long black trench coat, leather pants encasing the muscular legs below and Dr. Martens on his feet. His hair was covered with a black cap and from what you could see, a mask of the same colour stretched across his face. It wasn’t unusual to see people with their face fully covered, so you didn’t think much of his all black ensemble. Though he would blend in perfectly outside at night, under the store’s bright lights he stuck out like a bat during the day. 

Maybe he’s a fan of batman. 

When he’d chosen his pick he turned around, making you duck your head down quickly. The light chuckle that reached your ears meant that you weren’t fast enough and he’d caught you checking him out. You flushed red. 

“Can I get these gift wrapped please?” 

Two comic books landed on the counter in front of you, the sound accompanying the husky lilt of the man’s voice. 

Left with no choice but to interact with him, you softly replied, “Of course.” Strangely, your heart beat spiked as you reached forward to pick the thin, glossy books up. He’d placed his hands on the wood counter, palms down, his sleeves pushed up a little. For a second you stared at his long fingers, a ridged vein stretching from the knuckles to the back of his right hand, forking out on his bare forearm before disappearing under his clothing like a purplish blue tattoo. 

As if on cue, he started drumming his fingers, snapping you into action as you quickly scanned his purchase. 

“That’ll be 15,430 won.” Opening a cabinet to pull out a selection of wrapping papers, you deliberately took your time to avoid meeting his eyes. What was going on with you? You couldn’t even see his face properly but you were acting like a teenager with her first crush. You decided it was time to stop reading romantic fantasies. 

Clearing your throat you presented the options to him with a flourish, this time looking him straight in the eyes. “Which one would you like?”

He gave a cursory glance to the colourful sheets before glancing back at you with a quirked brow. Was he laughing at your flustered form? You couldn’t tell what with the mask, but there was definitely mirth dancing in his eyes.  

A shrug. “Whichever. I really don’t care.”

“Fine”, you huffed, really not appreciating being the source of his amusement. You chose a blue paper with green stripes, placing the comics in the middle. 

“I like that one.”, he commented graciously. And you were just about to reply when he continued cheekily, “I also like your choice in books.” 

Your hands froze, eyes darting to the unfinished

novel you’d placed face up on the table. The salacious cover showed a woman in medieval garb, her mouth half open in a silent moan as a blonde man wearing a billowy white shirt kissed her bare shoulder, the open neck of her gown threatening to expose her breasts. 

In a flash you flipped the book, cover side down, opening a drawer to hastily throw it inside. Slamming it closed, you glared at the man who was now outright laughing at you. 

“Don’t be embarrassed.”, he cajoled in a tone that suggested you should, in fact, be embarrassed. “Everyone’s gotta live vicariously somehow.”

Was he suggesting you read erotic books because you didn’t get laid in real life? 

You narrowed your eyes. “Is that why you’re reading children’s books?” You indicated the My Little Pony picture book and the Superman comic he’d picked up. “I must say you’ve got varied tastes.”

“Hey now.” He held up his hands. “Those are for my niece and nephew. They’re twins and it’s their birthday today.”

“Maybe that’s what you say whenever you’ve got to stock up on the latest My Little Pony issue. Have them gift wrapped so no one suspects.” Now you were just pushing it, but the burn of embarrassment still irked.  

He was grinning behind his mask. “No that one’s for my nephew. He likes ponies.”

You gaped at him. “You’re not serious.”

“I am.”

You held up the Superman issue. “And I’m guessing your niece likes superheroes?”

“Only the ones who can fly.” He shrugged. “According to her Batman is an imposter with no real powers.”

“Radical.”, you said in amazement.

“Look I didn’t mean to upset you.” His hand on the counter moved to cover yours. A shock of awareness jolted through your spine, making you sit up straighter. By the way he swallowed, he wasn’t unaffected either. But he didn’t let go of your hand, clutched it tighter actually. “I’m sorry if I was rude.”

“I, umm.”, you stuttered, not being able to look away from his sincere gaze. What were you upset about again? Yeah, the living vicariously comment. “It’s alright. Though I’ll have you know, I get plenty of action.”

No you didn’t get plenty of action. And you did not just say that.

At least you’d managed to shock him out of his sauve demeanour. “I’m…sure you do.” He cleared his throat, squeezing your hand. “I wasn’t insinuating anything. I read smut too, you know.”

Now it was your turn to be shocked. “You don’t.” 

“I don’t.” He grinned again. “Just trying to make you feel better.”

“Hey!” You snatched back your hand, scowling at him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”, he breathed in between laughter. “You’re just too easy to rile up.”

“Ha ha.”, you mocked. “Are you living vicariously through me then? Not enough comedy in your life, huh?” 

He straightened then, his amusement disappearing. “Maybe.”

Reaching for the hand you’d pulled out of his grip, he brought it closer to him. Wrapping both his hands around yours, he made sure you were looking into his eyes when he said, “Maybe you’re exactly what I need in my life.”

Your breath hitched at that. “I don’t even know your name.”

His eyes crinkled at that. He was smiling behind his mask again. At that moment, you wanted to see his face more than anything in the world. 

One hand let go of yours to point at the large S on Superman’s chest on the comic’s cover. 

You frowned in confusion. “Your name is…S?”

“No silly. That’s not an S, that’s the Kryptonian symbol for hope.”

~.~.~

Present Day~

Your tears had dried by the time you left your house to head for the Bighit building. The occasional sniffle still persisted though, and you hoped you looked put together enough for the boys to not suspect anything. 

The talk with your mother was not entirely responsible for your persisting melancholy. You’d been reminiscing your first meeting with Hoseok ever since his text came in. Something about it being the first anniversary of when he’d come into your quaint little bookshop, all masked up in disguise and asked you out, after thoroughly embarrassing you that is. You hadn’t gotten to see his face on the first date either, or the second or the third. When he’d asked you why you still went on multiple dates with him when he didn’t allow you to see his face (which also meant he didn’t kiss you), you’d joked about having a taste for wanted fugitives. 

But the truth was that you’d fallen in love with him even before you really knew who he was. He made you laugh, made your heart flutter when he’d wrap you up in his arms, he wasn’t afraid to push your boundaries when it came to getting to know you. By the time the fifth date had rolled around he knew everything about you and you still knew nothing about him, except for the fact that he had some sinful moves, which you’d gotten to know when he’d gave you a fully clothed lap dance on your birthday. You’d fallen for his mannerisms. He’d pull out your chair, open doors for you, give you his jacket. He was different than all the guys you’d previously dated, he never once tried to get into your pants, the most you’d gotten was a quick brush of his lips across your forehead before he’d quickly slide his mask back in place.  

You were the one who’d grown frustrated at him taking it so slow. He’d only chuckle lightly and divert your hand to safety whenever you tried to grope him, all your amateur attempts at seduction thwarted when he’d cage you in his arms instead or pull your attention elsewhere. 

The day you’d gotten to see his face was also the day he introduced you to the rest of the boys. When he’d invited you over to his place for the first time you were ecstatic. Finally having his trust was a big deal to you. By now you’d realised he must be someone important (or dangerous) for him to hide his identity for so long, but you’d never pushed him to reveal himself. You’d thought he’d finally realised how serious you were about him. 

Oh, he’d realised it alright. When he’d opened the dorm door for you, the first thing he’d done was kiss your mouth senseless, even before you’d registered who it was you were looking at. When he’d pulled back after ravishing your mouth, you’d gaped at him in shock, both at his hungry mauling and the fact that  you were looking at, well, him. A world famous artist. Who’d just kissed you like his life depended on it. 

His words then were still etched into your brain. He’d smiled wide and you remember thinking it was the most beautiful sight ever. “You have no idea how long I’ve been dying to kiss you, __.” 

You clutched your coat around you tighter as you took the familiar route to your boyfriends’ workplace. A wistful smile graced your lips when you remembered how the rest of the boys had embraced you into their group seamlessly, like you were always meant to be right by their side. Your friendship with them had started out innocent enough, but they had always been very handsy when it came to you. You hadn’t minded and neither did Hoseok, when one of them asked you for a massage or laid their head in your lap or if the competitive younger ones tickled you ceaselessly when you’d beat them at a game. You’d developed a rapport with Namjoon and Yoongi, you enjoyed listening to them whenever they had something to say and you were flattered when they took your opinions and suggestions seriously. 

Slowly and surely they’d trusted you with all their secrets, allowing you into their private life as you and Hoseok’s relationship had deepened. So it really came as shock to you when one day you’d snapped at Namjoon when he’d come to you asking advice regarding the girl he’d been dating. It hadn’t been your finest moment and for a while it had mired your bond with the boys in confusion and uncertainty. Especially when Namjoon had broken up with the girl the very next day. 

The real shocker came when Jeongguk kissed you full on the mouth in the presence of Hoseok. And your boyfriend did not seem to mind at all! Gradually the boys’ handsiness had grown into full-blown PDA. They kissed you, pulled you into their lap during movie nights, back hugs became commonplace. Taehyung even loved to warm his hands against your bare waist, sneaking them inside your shirts whenever he could. Before your moral compass went haywire with guilt you had sat all of them down and talked about the nature of your relationship. 

Communication was always key. Hoseok had initially been unsure of the mere idea of sharing you but you’d assured him that you would never go ahead with it if he wasn’t onboard. But the fact was, you’d fallen in love with the rest of the boys too. And he could see that as well. 

You still wonder sometimes, if he’d said yes only because he risked losing you otherwise. You wouldn’t have been able to handle secretly pining for the other boys if he’d said no. 

As you displayed your id to the guard at front, you wondered if he’d really forgotten that today was your anniversary. It seemed like it.  Why would he accept an invitation to go out tonight of all nights if he didn’t? Should you remind him? Or maybe it just wasn’t as big of a deal as you were making it out to be. 

You didn’t know what to do, all you knew was that today was a shit day. And with that thought, you entered the spacious conference room converted into a studio for the photoshoot. Namjoon had told you that it was for this years season’s greetings. 

From the soft mood lightings against the panel of wall to wall windows spanning one side of the room and the light coloured casual clothing that hung from the racks pushed to the corners, you deduced that they were going for a soft, boyfriend look this time. 

You snorted. How ironic they’d sell such a concept to their fans when all seven of them were taken at the same time. By the same person. 

The familiar faces of the co-ordis greeted you as you moved in, and you murmured a soft good morning to them. “Where are they?”, you asked, looking around.

Solji, one of the older stylists, answered you with a smile. “You’re a little early. They’ll be here soon.”

“Great. I’ll set up somewhere out of your way then.” You returned her smile, she was your favourite out of all the staff, always friendly and understanding. 

Speaking of the staff, your eyes caught a new face flitting among the familiar ones when you scanned the room for a place to sit. You nudged Solji. “Is she new?”, you asked, flicking your chin towards the blonde girl assisting the hairstylist in pulling out all kinds of products from a bag.

Solji nodded. “Miso. She’s a temp. We fell short on hands when Hyoyeon took her maternity leave. Most likely will become permanent if she’s good.”

You frowned. “Does she know about me?”

The staff were well informed about your relationship with Bangtan, the Non Disclosure Agreement they signed when they were hired prevented them from going to the media with any kind of private details about the boys, lest they be sued for their weight in gold. But it always caused you anxiety when a new staff member got to know about you. More so when they got to know you were dating all of them. 

“Yes. I informed her myself. She was surprised, to say the least.”

“Everyone is.” Your mom’s sneer came to mind suddenly, but you pushed it away. Patting Solji’s arm, you said, “Time for me to catch up on my studies I guess.”

Spying a small love seat in one corner of the big room you headed towards it. Picking up the empty make up containers strewn over it, you placed them carefully on the carpeted floor instead. Perching yourself on the seat, you pulled open your handbag, pulling out your laptop and the textbook you and Namjoon had been pouring over last night. 

This is what you did when they asked you over on a photoshoot, or vocal practice or dress fittings. Watching them from a corner while trying to get some work done. But mostly just gazing at them go about their way from your front row perch, hearts in your eyes. 

You’d only just begun reading when the sound of their laughter reached your ears. Looking up eagerly, you promptly forgot your work. Yoongi was already headed towards you, looking downright sinful in a white Supreme hoodie, jeans and converse. Did he even need to change? This was boyfriend look right here. 

“My little bird’s already hard at work I see.” He bent to give you a heart stopping kiss, his hand cupping your nape in a proprietary gesture. “How am I gonna focus on the shoot with you looking so gorgeous today, hmm? Maybe we can convince the photographer to take your pictures instead.”

Oh, flirty Yoongi was in the house today. 

“I don’t think your fans would like that.” You bit his lip, not even trying to resist the temptation right before your eyes. 

Another deep kiss. “Their loss.”

“Hyung, Solji noona is calling you.”, a cheerful Taehyung said from behind Yoongi. 

The elder straightened up with a scowl. “Really? You’ll get a knuckle sandwich if you’re lying.”

“I’m not.”, he exclaimed, jerking a thumb behind him. “Go ask her yourself.”

As Yoongi left while muttering something under his breath, Taehyung sprawled himself on the love seat beside you. “I lied.”

You nodded. “Of course you did.”

The shout of “Tae you motherfucker!” could be heard as the subject of the loud curse brushed some stray hair behind your ears, an unbothered boxy smile directed at you as he asked, “So __, I heard Hobi hyung won’t be spending the night with you. This must come as a shock because I’m a busy man,” he polished his nails on the lapels of the Gucci coat he had on, before inspecting them like they were the singular most interesting thing, “but did you know I’m completely free tonight?”

You smiled at his attempt at nonchalance but your heart ached at the reminder. Looking towards Hoseok, you found him and the boys surrounded by the styling team. When Hoseok caught you looking, he grinned wide, moving to make his way to you. 

A small hand on his shoulder stopped him in his path. The new temp Miso held up a shirt to his torso, looking up at him with a smile as she said something you couldn’t quite hear. You saw Hoseok nod and reply to her, all plans of coming to you forgotten. 

“Is there trouble in paradise?”, Taehyung guessed, looking at his hyung then at you then back to his hyung like a ping pong ball. 

Halting his swivelling head by placing a palm on his cheek, you pouted, “Tae, do you know what today is?”

A scared look came over his face. “Oh shit, did I forget your birthday or something?”

You scowled. “No. It’s me and Hoseok’s one year anniversary. It’s the day I first met him. And he doesn’t remember.”

“Oh.” Then a strange look came over his face, somewhere between constipation and indigestion. He was hiding something. “Oh.”

“What are you ohing about?”, you asked curtly, your curiosity growing. “And why are you making that face?”

“What face?”, he squeaked, getting up from the chair in a flash. “Oh looky there, Solji noona is calling me.”

“Wait!” But he was already hightailing it out of there. “Tae you motherf—ugh!”

For the next hour you watched them from your corner seat as they went through multiple outfit changes and all different kinds of poses against the strategically placed props near the windows. The soft sunlight filtering in provided a natural lighting and their beautiful features seemed to glow from within because of the luminescent makeup they wore. All in all it was a mesmerising affair, they looked like angels. 

And throughout it all instead of focusing on getting some work done your gaze slipped to Hoseok again and again. All of the boys had come to sit beside you at one point or the other, except him. But it wasn’t for lack of trying. 

The pencil in your grip almost snapped to half when you saw the new hire, Miso, bend down to whisper something in his ear as she messed with his already perfect hair. One of her hands landed on his shoulder and you could swear she was caressing him. 

For his part, he rested his head on the back of the chair, eyes closed and barely giving her one word answers. But that did nothing to quell the embers of jealousy burning inside you. Solji had said that the new girl knew about you. You did not want to interfere in their work but if she continued feeling up your boyfriend...

You almost catapulted out of your chair when you saw her brush her ample chest against his arm whilst pretending to pick something up from the floor. 

But luckily Namjoon made his way to you at the same time, saving you from smacking a bitch into next week. 

“I’m sorry about your scarf, doll. I put it in the laundry for you.” He smiled, cheeks dimpling deeply, as if he expected a pat on the back for managing such a feat.

Reluctantly you looked away from Hoseok and the snake coiling herself around him, giving Joon a half hearted smile. “Thank you, baby.”

The dimples disappeared. “Is something wrong?”

The sincere worry in his eyes was all it took for your composure to shatter. The past few days, your mother’s visit,  Hoseok’s forgetfulness, your own insecurities and now the bitch a few feet away from you. 

With a pathetic whine you launched yourself into the leader’s lap, situating yourself between his thighs and wrapping your arms around him. Your face fit perfectly in the space between his shoulder and neck. You didn’t care if you were ruining his carefully put together outfit or the fact that you were in a room full of people. 

Thankfully Namjoon didn’t care either, he immediately pulled you close, bending down to kiss your nose affectionately. 

“Doll?”, was all he said in his soft, deep, ever understanding voice and everything you’d been bottling up came hurtling out in a hiccupy word vomit. By the time you were finished tears were running down your face and you turned to hide into his chest so nobody else could see you breaking down. 

“Aah your mother is wrong, so so wrong. You’re our centre, the best thing that ever happened to us.” Sighing, he rubbed your back. “But I understand where she’s coming from. If it were my daughter I’d be sceptical too. We’ll just have to convince her that we love you more than anything in the world.”

“She doesn’t want to meet you guys.”, you murmured against his chest, wiping your nose on his expensive designer shirt. 

He didn’t seem to mind, brushing away your tears with his shirt sleeve himself. Solji was going to kill you both. 

“I’m sure we can change her mind.” Namjoon nudged your chin up till he was gazing into your eyes. “As for Hoseok, don’t you dare doubt his love for you. He worships the ground you walk on.”

“Is that why he forgot our anniversary?”

Namjoon evaded your eyes. “Doll...”

“And why isn’t he pushing away that new temp?”

“Huh?” Confused, he looked up in the direction of the man in question. 

“Forget it. Do I even have any right to be jealous when it comes to you guys?”, you questioned softly to yourself. Something you’d been wondering about for a while. “I mean there’s one of me and seven of you. You don’t get jealous when I’m with Jimin or Yoongi. Why should I be jealous if you guys show interest in other girls, right?”

That snapped his attention back to you, and what you saw in his eyes made you shrink in on yourself. He was angry, furious even. He grabbed your jaw, made sure your eyes didn’t stray from him.

“Of the most ridiculous nonsense you could come up with, I never imagined you’d be questioning our loyalty to you.”, he said through his teeth. “Firstly, we have no fucking interest in dating another girl, get that through your thick head. Second, we don’t get jealous of each other but you very well know we can’t stand anyone else putting their hands on you. Thirdly,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I can’t say for other guys but I love it when you get jealous.”

“What?”, you breathed.

Sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you remember when I came to you asking for dating advice before you’d agreed to be with all of us? When you were only Hoseok’s girlfriend.”

“I do.” You were just reminiscing about your early days with the boys a few hours ago. 

“I didn’t really want your advice, I suspected you liked me too and I just wanted to get a rise out of you.”

You stared at him. “Is that why you broke up with the girl the next day?”

“Hehe.”, he laughed nervously. “I wasn’t dating anybody in the first place. I only wanted to be with you.”

Your jaw dropped. 

Solji’s voice cut through your intimate bubble then. “Namjoon, you’re up.”

“Time to get scolded for ruining my shirt.” He picked you up and set you on the cushions like you weighed nothing. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Glancing at the wetness that covered his front from your tears and snot, you winced. 

“I drooled on your scarf, you cried on my shirt. We’re a match made in heaven, babe.”, he said, a shit eating grin on his face. 

“You’re so cheesy.” You threw a cushion at his face. 

He flicked it away with a swat. “You’ve been sitting here for hours, you should stretch your legs. I have that SourPunk string candy you like so much in the drawer beneath my computer. Go get some.”

“Really?!” You jumped up at once. “It’s my favourite.”

“I know.” He left after giving you an indulgent smile, though you heard him mutter under his breath “it tastes like satan’s ass” before he was out of earshot. 

Ignoring him, you happily made your way out of the huge room, heading straight for Namjoon’s studio on the third floor. There was a spring in your step. Not surprisingly talking to the leader had put some sense back into you, he’d Expecto Petronumed your insecurities like they were dementors. For now at least, you were sure they’d rear their ugly head again in the future like a chronic disease. 

Striding down the hallway cheerfully, you did not expect a hand to shoot out of a door. You shrieked like a banshee when the hand clutched your arm, hauling you inside before slamming the door close. 

“What the—“, your shout was cut off by Hoseok’s hand over your mouth. 

“It’s me, __. Don’t scream.”

Narrowing your eyes, you licked his palm. 

“Aah!” He snatched it back, face scrunching. “What was that for?”

“For ignoring me all day. And scaring me just now.”

“Ignoring you?” He scoffed. “Fuck no. I don’t do childish stuff like that. I’m not Yoongi hyung.”

“I’m going to tell him you said that.”

Hoseok’s glare turned into a confused frown when he saw your face clearly, the dim lighting not helping his vision. “Were you crying?”

Flinching, you spoke sharply, “No.”

The frown didn’t abate. “__, I swear I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“That’s not why I was crying.”

“So you were crying.” He raised his brows, daring you to deny it. His eyes softened when you looked away instead. 

“Hey baby, I’m sorry.”, he murmured in your ear, his hands finding purchase on your waist. He nudged your face toward his, nuzzling you softly. “Whatever I did I’m so sorry.”

Melting in his arms, you allowed him to pull you close. “You don’t even know what you’re apologising for.”

Placing a hand on the side of your neck, a thumb at your chin pulled your mouth open. “It doesn’t matter. I hate seeing you upset.” 

He kissed your open mouth, his tongue immediately finding yours. The taste of him made you moan, coffee and the sugar coated lemon drops he loved so much. It was a strange but delectable combination. 

As you sucked on his tongue, his hands dropped to work on the buttons of your blouse. You pulled away for a second to ask, “We’re really doing this here? Right now?”

“Not we.” Pushing your blouse and bra out of the way, he freed one breast for his hungry mouth.

“I just want to make you feel good.”, he breathed against your nipple before taking the cold, hardened bud between his warm lips. 

Head thumping back against the door, you clutched him to your chest. “Hobi, oh my god!”

Taking your sensitive nipple between his teeth, he pulled, making a jolt of arousal go straight to your core. He chuckled as a moan tore from you. “I haven’t even started and you’re already invoking god. You won’t be able to keep quiet, would you? Do you want everyone to know your boyfriend’s worshipping you?”

Pulling him up for another messy kiss, you confessed against his lips. “Yes. I want everyone to know that you belong to me.”

Something primal and unrestrained entered his eyes, and you almost regretted your words for a second. With a swiftness that defied gravity, he picked you up and strode to a nearby table. After clearing the surface with a sweep of his hand, he placed you gingerly on top. The clink and clatter of jewellery and other accessories hitting the floor echoed in the room, but you only had eyes and ears for Hoseok. 

“Be careful what you ask for, __.” 

What had you unleashed? 

He made swift work of your jeans till you were clad only in your blouse and soaking wet panties. 

“Look at that, you’ve already made a mess.” Cupping your crotch, he stroked your clothed labia slowly, smirking when you swivelled your hips for more. “How badly do you want me to eat you out, __? Tell me and I might let you have my tongue.” 

You wanted him too much to care about how desperate you sounded. “So bad. Please! I want your tongue on my pussy.” 

“What my baby wants, she gets.” He dropped to his knees between your spread legs, pushing at the back of your thighs to expose your genitals in the most lewd way possible. Pushing aside your soaked panties, he dove in with fervour like he was about to devour the most scrumptious meal ever. 

The first flick of his tongue on your clit had you gnashing your teeth and fisting his thick, soft hair. From previous experience you knew that receiving oral sex from him meant that he was going to put all your vibrators to shame. 

And sure enough, the speed of his tongue on your clit blew your mind, as did the currents of pleasure coursing through you. How he was able to move his tongue so fast, you had no fucking clue. Pausing in his expert assault, he took the already quivering bundle in his mouth to suck, simultaneously thrusting two fingers deep in your slick channel. 

“Hobi! Fuck! Umfh..” That was all you could manage till he found the soft spongy spot on your inner walls, pressing on it in tandem with his licks on your clit. Most of the sounds that came out of your mouth were incoherent shouts and half pleas. 

Hoseok’s eyes met yours over the expanse of your tummy and you could tell he was internally laughing as you dissolved into a mindless being intent on reaching your climax. “Hobi please make me cum!”

The bastard pulled his sinful mouth away from your cunt instead. “What was that?”

“Aagh!”, you yelled in frustration. “Put that tongue back on my fucking clit!”

He pouted, his cheeks glistening from your juices. “Is that any way to speak to your boyfriend?”

“Hobi.”, you cried, about to burst into frustrated tears literally. “Please!”

Grinning, he dove back down. “Now was that so hard?”

This time he pulled his fingers out of your entrance to rub slick circles on your nub instead. His mouth tasted a path down your inner labia before tonguing your clenching, empty hole. 

“Hoseok, don’t tease me.”, you begged. 

Taking mercy on you, he thrust his tongue deep inside. The fingers playing your clit like a fiddle doubled their strokes.

“Fuck yes!”, you screamed. 

His tongue inside your pussy mimicked his dick thrusting in and out, your pussy trying to grip the muscle everytime he pulled it back out. You could come just from him tongue fucking you. 

“Hoseok don’t stop! Please don’t stop!”

He stopped. Pulling away once again. 

“What?!”, you shrieaked, your orgasm slipping away from your grasp. Frustrated tears did, in fact, make their way down your cheeks this time. 

“Your pussy tastes like fucking ambrosia, __.”, he groaned, licking his lips. “But I wanna have a taste of something else too.”

Frowning, you half sobbed, half moaned, “What?”

He smirked. “Let’s see if you can come from having your ass eaten.”

The shudder that went through you at his words was overshadowed by pleasure when he licked down your pussy, giving a fluttering peck to your neglected entrance before venturing further south. Your perineum received a wet, open mouthed kiss and a nuzzle. 

“Hold your legs for me, baby.”, he commanded softly, his breath tingling both your holes. 

Snaking your arms around the back of your thighs, you pulled your legs up and away. You were nervous but excited, none of the other boys had rimmed you before. “Hobi, please hurry.”

A nip on your buttcheek made you yelp. “Don’t rush me. I’m going to enjoy this.”

Kneading your buttocks in his palms, he pulled them apart, a butterfly kiss to your asshole followed. Then he laved the puckered hole, making you gasp at the unfamiliar sensation. 

“Oh.”, you breathed. “That feels so good.”

You felt him smile. Another light kiss on your rim, then his tongue explored. Circling your asshole and probing at your forbidden entrance till you clenched at the foreign feeling with a groan. 

He tsked, clearly disapproving. “Don’t tense up, baby. Open up to me. I love this cute little hole.”

At his urging you relaxed and he began eating your hole with the same enthusiasm as he had your pussy. When his hand slid up to tease your clit once again, your arms gave from beneath you and you thumped on the table, arching your back from the insurmountable pleasure he was giving you. 

He was right. You could cum from having your asshole stimulated. The release that had slipped away earlier came hurtling back like a train wreck, with double the force. 

Stiffening his tongue, he pushed it up your anus as far as it would go. 

 “Fuck!”, you cursed at the intrusion. 

In your endorphin hazed brain, you registered a noise outside the door that sounded like Hoseok’s name. You ignored it at first, the dancer between your legs making you feel too good to care about anyone barging in. 

But then the hesitant voice grew louder. “Hoseok-ssi. It’s Miso, are you in there?”

At first sheer fury coursed through you. And then you smirked. 

“Hobi!” Your voice was so loud the man in question paused in his ministrations for a second. “Don’t stop! You eat my ass so good!”

With a shrug, he happily continued, circling your clit with his fingers just the way you liked it. 

“Oh fuck yes!” Though your volume was exaggerated, you could feel yourself get closer and closer to the precipice. 

This time you didn’t hear the squeak and the rush of footsteps disappearing outside, the blood rushing in your ears drowning out everything else. 

“Baby I’m so close.”

“Cum then. Let me see your pretty pussy cum.”, he growled, increasing the torture on the bundle of nerves he was assaulting with his fingers. 

When you came, everything went white for a second. The scream of his name was so loud, you were sure the whole building heard you climaxing. The seizure like shudders that racked you had you closing your legs and pulling away his hands because of oversensitivity.

Panting on the table, you flopped on your side to calm down. Hoseok bent over you to caress your hair. 

“Are you alright, baby? Did I overdo it?” 

Shaking your head, you got up to wrap your arms around his shoulders. “No. You are amazing. Your mouth is amazing.”

You tried to pull him down for a kiss but he turned his face away at the last second. “I just had my tongue up your ass, babe. Do you really wanna kiss me?”

“Shut up.” You gave him a deep, sloppy kiss. 

~.~.~

The crew and staff were packing up when you got back to the room after cleaning yourself up in the bathroom. So you headed straight to get your things as well. 

You found Jimin seated at the love seat, idly going through your textbook. 

You smiled at the adorable furrow of concentration between his brows. “You into history now, Chim?”

Jimin hummed, flipping the book shut before looking up at you. “No, but I heard you’re into rimming.”

Cheeks going tomato red, you stuttered, “D-did you—”

“Yeah. You were very loud.”

Groaning you buried your face in your hands. What felt like a good idea at the time, made you shrivel up in mortification now. 

Jimin got up to pull your hands away, giving you an eye smile of reassurance. “Don’t. I loved that you were so loud. I got to know that assplay is not a hard limit for you.”

You gulped. “Jimin.”

He gave you that predatory look, the one he used only in the bedroom, making you shiver. In fear or anticipation, you didn’t know. “Make sure you’re free next Monday.”

 Before you could reply, he picked up your bag, placing your book and laptop inside. “Now. Let’s get you home.”

Glancing around, you found the room almost empty. “Where’s everybody?”

Jimin took your hand, interlacing your fingers. “They’re already in the car. Let’s go.”

The driver held open the door of the Escalade when you two arrived outside. You slid in first, immediately snuggling up against Jeongguk who was seated near the other window. Jimin got in behind you.

Yoongi was up front, with Namjoon, Jin and Taehyung making up the back.

“Where’s Hoseok?”, you asked as the car pulled away from the curb. 

Jin answered you. “He was invited over for drinks remember.”

“Oh.” You remembered. But you’d forgotten to remind him of the anniversary, too preoccupied with his tempting mouth. 

“What’s the matter, __?” Came Taehyung’s sly voice. You glanced at the rearview mirror to see him grinning. When his eyes met yours, the grin vanished in a flash.

You narrowed your eyes, Taehyung’s earlier werid behaviour coming to mind. “Nothing.”

The rest of the ride passed by in relative quiet. Only Jeongguk’s voice telling you about his recent trip back to Busan filled the car. You listened with your head on his shoulder, though your mind was adrift. 

You did not fancy the idea of sleeping alone in a cold bed, one of the boys’ constant warmth against you throughout your nights had spoiled you. You were just about to take Taehyung up on his earlier offer to spend the night with him when the car stopped suddenly. 

Confused, you sat up straight. It usually took twenty minutes to get to the boys’ dorm, thirty minutes to get to your apartment. It had barely been ten. “What is it? Why did we stop?”

Yoongi turned from his seat to look at you with a fond smile. “Your stop’s here, __.”

“What?” You frowned when Jimin got out of the car, holding out his hand for you to take. 

“Just trust us.”, Jeongguk whispered next to you. 

With a deep breath you took Jimin’s proffered hand, getting out of the car in the middle of the street. 

“What if someone sees us?”, you asked, scared someone might click pictures of you two together. “Where are we?”

Jimin shook his head, turning you toward the footpath on the side of the road. “You know where we are.”

When your eyes left his to glance around, your breath caught. Because you did know where you were. 

The lights inside the old bookstore you worked at illuminated your surroundings. Taking a step forward in amazement, you peered up at the two story building, the grey stucco walls of the exterior filling you with nostalgia. After you’d moved into your new apartment almost a year ago, the bookstore became too far out of your way for you commute to daily. You’d also gotten a better paying job working at a cafe. But you’d always missed the quiet of this store, the hundreds of books at your disposal that you had loved to explore. The cafe was too loud, boisterous and hectic in comparison. 

A throat cleared behind you and you turned to find Hoseok gazing at you from above the mask he had donned. The car and the rest of the boys were gone. 

“Did you really think I’d forget, baby?”

Elation surged through you and you barely restrained the sappy tears that threatened to overflow. He held out his arms and you launched yourself at him, making him laugh. 

“So that text was a lie?”

“Hmm.”, he hummed against your hair, pecking your forehead. “They did invite me to hang out but I had to politely reject.”

Hoseok wrapped an arm around your waist. “We should go in. Someone might recognise me out here even with the mask.”

Frowning, you let him lead you towards the front entrance. “Umm, are you sure? Do you wanna pick up a book or something? The lady who owns this building won’t like us having a date in her bookstore.”

Hoseok opened the door, ushering you in. The store was unsurprisingly empty, but you frowned when you saw nobody manning the cash register. 

“The lady who owns this store loves me. So I think we’re good.”

Your head snapped back to him. “Who?”

He pursed his lips, clearly suppressing his amusement. Fishing for something in his pocket, he held your hand out, palm side up. 

“You.” Two keys on a Superman keyring dropped on your palm. 

For a minute you stared at it dumbfounded, not comprehending him. But he spoke before you could bombard him with questions. 

“I bought this whole building in your name. It’s yours.” He closed your fingers around the keys. 

Blinking up at him, you swallowed at the resurgence of emotion within you. “I-umm”, you looked away. “Hoseok I don’t know what to say. It must have cost a fortune. I can’t accept this.”

“Of course you can.”, he replied breezily, pulling your chin to make you look at him again. “I know you don’t like working at the cafe. They pay you peanuts there anyway. Now you don’t have to. The earnings from this store will be more than enough for your rent, tuition, bills and everything else.”

“I-I don’t know.” The part of you that wanted to earn everything you received rebelled at taking such an expensive gift. 

“I knew you would be stubborn.”, Hoseok sighed as if pained he was having to say this. “If you want, you can pay me back on your own time, okay.”

Cracking a smile, you gave him a knowing look. “You and I both know you’re not gonna accept a penny from me.”

He gave you a “duh” look. “ See, you’re smart. Now be a good girl and just tell me you love me.” 

You laughed. “Fine. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Cupping your cheeks, he kissed you like he meant it. “Now shall we christen this place?”

“Hobi!”

“What?”, he whined. “The first time we met I wanted to bend you over that table and fuck all the sass out of you.”

Glancing behind you at the old desk and chair you used to spend most of your shift at, you smirked. 

Sliding out of his arms, you made your way to the table, swinging your hips just right. When you reached it you placed your elbows on the surface, bending at the waist to wiggle your butt. 

“Come get me, Superman.”

Hoseok groaned, stalking toward you like a tiger on the hunt. 

A “whooo” escaped you when he gripped your jeans and panties to slide them down in one fell swoop, the garments tangled at your knees. 

“I’ve been hard ever since I got the first taste   of your pussy. I need it rough and fast this time baby.”, he growled, stroking your pussy before sliding two fingers inside. They slid in without any resistance. “Shit you’re so fucking wet.”

“You ate me out so good, I’m still dripping.”, you moaned as he wedged another finger inside your slick entrance. “Use me, Hobi.”

“Fuck.” You heard the clank of his belt and his zipper going down. He gripped his rock hard length to rub the engorged cock head up and down your slit, spreading his pre-cum and your juices everywhere. 

“Put it in.”, you moaned, still oversensitive from earlier. Your battered clit pulsed like a mini heartbeat and from the way Hoseok’s grip tightened on your buttocks, his nails digging in, you knew you were going to be sore after he was done with you. 

Positioning his cock at your hole, he buried himself to the hilt inside you with one hard thrust of his dancer hips. The force jerked you up the table, your hands flailing for purchase. 

“Oh.” You felt full, so deliciously and utterly stuffed. “Fuck, you’re so big.”

Hoseok paused, letting you adjust and bringing his instincts under control. He did not want to hurt you. “You always take me so well. So fucking tight and warm.”

“Move, Hobi.”, you moaned after a second. “I’m ready.”

He set a punishing pace from the start. Clutching your hips in his hands he slammed you down on his dick as his hips surged upward in thrust after thrust. The slapping sound of skin against skin resounded throughout the store. You still had a hard time believing you were fucking in your old bookstore. 

Oh, how far you’d come. From reading smut on this very table to fucking your boyfriend over it. 

“I want to hear you, __. Don’t hold back.”, he hissed through his teeth, his hand snaking down to abuse your already sensitive clit some more.

“Shit shit! Oh my god.” Too much sensation assaulted you.

“Fuck, your pussy is squeezing my dick so good.” Hoseok adjusted his position, his length penetrating even deeper inside you. The speed of his pistoning hips doubled, if that was even possible. The table beneath you inched forward against the floor with his every harsh thrust. 

Your eyes rolled back in your head. This was the definition of a quick, rough fuck. The semi public nature of it shooting a thrill down your spine. The sign at the front said open, anybody could walk in any moment. Moreover though the desk of the cashier was placed sideways, if one wanted to peer inside the windows, they would definitely get an eyeful. 

The idea that someone could be watching you get your brains fucked out, made you even more wanton. Meeting Hoseok thrust for thrust, you reached back to pull his head down to your mouth, the difficult position and the hard slams of his dick inside you meant that you kissed not just his mouth but also his chin, nose and cheeks.

Hoseok laughed. “You’re so cute when you’re desperate, baby.” 

“Don’t call me desperate.”, you whined, biting his chin. “Also please make me cum.”

“Whatever you say.”

He looked entirely too pleased with himself, so you clenched your pelvic muscles till your pussy gripped his cock so tight. 

His thrusts faltered. “Shit baby.”, he groaned. “Of course you’re not desperate. I’m the one who’s desperate.” 

“Better.”

At that Hoseok hauled you up by your arms, circling his hands around your torso to hold you up. The upright position against the table forced him even deeper. He angled his hips just right, the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot every time he drove inside you, coiling that impeding pressure in your belly more and more. 

“Are you close?”, he panted against your ear, his finger returning to circle your clit. 

“So close.” Gasping, you tilted your head when he bit the crook of your neck. “Just keep fucking me like that.”

The lewd noises of your love making echoed throughout the room, the rough slaps of skin, the incoherent moans, the table shaking beneath you. His thrusts didn’t relent one bit, battering your pussy till you felt that tingle in your spine building and building. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He cursed a storm, his nails digging crescents into your hips. Your walls clenched around his thick length desperately, the friction of him moving in and out too much for you. 

“I’m cumming, Hobi! Shit, I’m cumming!”, you screamed, just as he circled your clit roughly one last time, pushing you over the edge. 

“Oh my god!” Your second orgasm of the day was just as powerful as the first one, leaving you a barely conscious mess as tsunami waves of pleasure spread like currents through your every nerve ending. 

With you reaching your end, Hoseok fucked you like you were a blowup doll, with the sole purpose of reaching his own climax. He used your poor pussy, thrusting inside with supersonic speed. You clenched around him to help him along. 

“Shit __!” With a shout of your name he buried himself deep inside you, thick jets of his warm cum painting your inner walls white.  After you’d milked him of everything he had to give, he dropped down over you like a sack of potatoes. 

“That was amazing.”, you breathed beneath him. 

“Yeah.”, he panted. Apparently that was all he was capable of enunciating. Both of you caught your breathing, your thundering hearts slowing to a gallop. Hoseok nuzzled your neck like he wanted to burrow himself within you. You chuckled at his neediness.  

Once you’d both calmed down, he got up, taking you with him. After turning you around, he knelt before you. For a second he just watched his cum dribbling down the inside of your thigh, before placing a feather light kiss on your mound, as if apologising to your sore vagina. He pulled up your panties and jeans, fastening the fly. 

Eyes softening, you stroked his hair back from his face, gazing down at him with a smitten look on your face. “I love you.”

He was whipped for you as well. Taking your hand he placed a kiss on the inside of your palm. “I love you too.”

Frowning, you looked out the window. “What if someone saw us having sex?”

Chuckling, he got up off the floor. “Then I hope they enjoyed the show.”

[kenzieam]

Not Happening, Doll - Chapter One (Bucky X Levi)

Rating: M (language, violence, eventual smut, angst)

Genre: Drama/Angst

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I KNOW, I KNOW!!! I HAVEN’T FINISHED ALL MY PENDING STORIES AND HERE I AM STARTING A NEW ONE… I CAN’T HELP IT, LOL. COME ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

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Levi and Bucky cannot stand each other (or rather, the former Winter Soldier cannot stand to be around the Avenger’s newest member and, like the ass he is, he won’t divulge why) and of course, they get teamed up for a new mission. It’s deep cover this time and not only do they have to work together, they have to pretend they’re MARRIED.

Heaven help them….

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“No.” The declaration was so abrupt that even Tony was stunned silent. Finally, he managed a disbelieving, “No?“

Bucky nodded once; eyes stubbornly fixed to a corner of the room that nobody currently was occupying, arms crossed firmly across his massive chest.  

“What-the-fuck-why?” Tony asked, voice hardening.

Bucky shrugged, glancing up once to briefly meet the glare of the woman he was referring to. “She’s too new, too green.”

Levi snorted derisively, rolling her eyes so hard Steve worried she’d just seen her brain and he was plagued with a similar impulse.  

“She’s new to us, not this line of work.” Tony’s voice was sharp now, warning the former assassin who only shrugged again, drawing a low snarl of anger from Levi.

“What the hell is this bullshit, Barnes? I gotta bleed for you first? Gotta pass initiation?” Levi’s violet eyes were incandescent, blazing with fury and indignation and Steve wondered idly if she would simply launch herself over the table at Bucky. This wasn’t the first time Bucky had questioned Levi’s abilities in front of the team, but it was the boldest.

“I’m not babysitting-”

“Oh, fuck you Barnes! Who the fuck kicked your amnesiac ass just yesterday in training, huh? Me!” Levi slammed her fist down on the table for emphasis then abruptly turned her attention back to Tony. “I’m not going to work with someone who doesn’t trust me.”

Tony sighed. “I need you to. Nat’s cover might be compromised and I can’t pull Wanda; unless Frosty and Steve are willing to play a gay couple, it’s on you.”  

Levi’s full lip curled and she fixed her blazing glare back on Bucky. “I’ll go, but send me with someone else who’s not a peckerhead.”

Steve had to disguise his sudden snort of laughter with a cough, rolling his chair away to face Clint and Nat. Nat was still disgusted at being grounded, her arms crossed over her chest, while Clint snort fresh coffee out his nose and proceeded to howl like he’d just been hit with an electric cattle prod, prompting Sam to laugh so hard he started choking and needed Steve to whack him on the back. Bucky just glowered; his expression a mix of begrudging amusement and boredom.

Tony shook his head faintly, glancing upwards to implore for strength. “It has to be him; he’s got the most experience with this type of infiltration work. We need absolute secrecy and camouflage to be successful.”

“And we have to pose as a married couple?” Levi clarified. At Tony’s nod, she rolled her eyes again and shot finger guns at Bucky. “There’s no way Captain Siberia can pull that off, affection? Shit, we’ll be blown inside a day.”

Anger joined the boredom in Bucky’s eyes, and something else Steve couldn’t immediately identify. His mouth opened in rebuttal but Steve didn’t wait to hear what came out.

“Stop it.” He commanded. He glared for emphasize at both Bucky and Levi, but let his gaze soften with her. It was no secret that Bucky had made Levi’s transition into this team as rocky as possible and this was finally going too far, even for the benefit of the doubt Steve often seemed to extend his oldest friend’s way. “This is the way it has to be. Bucky, you’re the most experienced in this; Levi, you are more than capable. I know you haven’t had too many opportunities to prove yourself with us yet, but I’ve read your jacket, you can handle this assignment all day.”

Bucky’s face went hard, his eyes darkening. Abruptly he stood and stormed from the room.

“Briefing in an hour! Wheel’s up in three!” Tony bellowed at his retreating back. The slamming door was his only answer.

Steve exhaled and forced a smile as Levi turned to look at him. She raised a brow.

“He’ll come around.” Steve offered weakly and Levi snorted, pushing sharply at the table to spin her chair away.

******************************************************************************************

“You proud of yourself?” Steve demanded, poking his head into Bucky’s room. He only grunted in answer, shoving supplies into a tactical duffel.  

“What is your problem with her, Buck? Levi’s got this-”

“Just drop it; punk.”

“No, I’m curious.” Steve strode past Bucky and flopped down onto his bed, resting his folded arms behind his head; crossing his feet at his ankles he fixed his oldest friend with a baleful eye. “Enlighten me. What is it about Levi that rubs you the wrong way?”

Bucky only sneered, disappearing into his bathroom.  

“She’s enhanced too.” Steve began. “Is that the problem? She’s the last experiment tied to Howard Stark, is that it? She’s new to us but not to this line of work. Fury trusts her; hell, we all do, why don’t you?”

“Why do you?” Bucky shot back; reappearing from the bathroom. “Who knows what SHIELD had her do, all her files were destroyed, why?”

“What about you?!” Steve demanded and was immediately ashamed when Bucky flinched at his words. “We going to start judging people based on their past now? Where does that leave you?” He snapped his mouth shut, already hating himself for going there. “All I mean is, you’re better than your past, and nobody holds it against you; why can’t you give her the same courtesy?”

Bucky fixed Steve with a dark, heavy, hateful glare. “Glass houses, right?” He spat, his voice dripping venom and pain.

“Buck, c’mon-”

“Whatever.” The former assassin stormed out; jaw clenched.  

The briefing was tense. Bucky glowered at nobody and nothing while Levi listened with a grave intensity, flicking occasional glances at Bucky before returning her attention to the information. The mission, while simple, was delicate. Bucky and Levi were going deep undercover, posing as a married couple, to infiltrate and observe a curious abnormality in a small industrial community. It was the type of place where a large corporation had moved in and all but bought the town; most of the residents were employed in the corporation itself, while the rest depended on the worker’s business to survive. The company had been going on a hiring spree in recent months, enlarging its work base to almost double and deep digging had discovered suspicious ties to murky industries overseas, blank parent companies with flowery bullshit names that, if you dug even further, stunk of HYDRA.  

Bucky, to his flat curiosity, was to play a stay-at-home husband, a man who worked from home on computers (children’s book illustration, to Sam’s intense amusement) and rarely left the house while Levi would be the one to actually begin working at the company. While Levi worked to burrow her way into the dealings at the corporation, Bucky would spend his days sneaking around like a thief, planting bugs and wire-taps in the neighborhood that he would then be able to monitor in real time from almost directly on top of.  

The corporation was too legally backed and too savvy to be taken down by anything resembling a government or law enforcement tied investigation and so the here they were, ready to dive in, the old-school way.

“Your backgrounds have been sent to your tablets, memorize them; we’ve got everything up to and including how much the tooth fairy gave you as a kid. Your entire life is there if someone gets suspicious and starts digging.” Tony explained, rubbing his forehead wearily.  

“Did I miss something? Why is nobody asking why we’re sending a former HYDRA agent directly into a suspected snake pit?” Levi broke in suddenly, her voice hard. “I mean, the guy’s a cyborg, it kinda makes you stand out in a crowd.”

Ashamed anger flared in Bucky’s eyes and his lip curled involuntarily. Tony shifted uneasily in his chair, clearly wishing that Levi hadn’t brought up such a sticky point. Steve tensed, ready to intercept if things suddenly turned violent, dimly noting that the rest of the team was doing the same around him. Levi continued to stare levelly at Bucky, one brow raised and Steve admired her balls, they definitely clanged.  

“We don’t really have a choice. We can’t risk an in and out type surveillance, that’s why we gotta go old school. We need someone with the most experience at deep cover and Barnes here has made a living, involuntary as it may have been, at being invisible. He’s also got the real-time experience to evaluate and make determinations on what he picks up, without having to send out communications that might get detected or intercepted. And you’re new enough to the team that no one tied to HYDRA should recognize you. It’s a definite risk but one we need to take.” He paused then and winced as he continued. “Which is also why you have to cut your hair and dye it before you go, Barnes.”

“WHAT?!” Bucky exploded, leaping to his feet.

“Well, Lev’s got a point. Your arm you can hide, that shaggy, greasy mess you call hair, right out there to see.”

“When were you going to tell me this?!”

“You would have known this if you’d read the jacket earlier but you chose to storm out like a toddler.” Tony snapped and Steve groaned quietly. This was falling to shit awfully fast. Bucky was already chafing on a number of points, chiefly being working with Levi, followed closely with being stuck as the mole, burrowing around in the background like vermin and demanding he cut his hair was probably going to be the proverbial straw.

“Your wardrobes are being sent ahead with the ‘moving company’ to the house, you need to fit the preppy style chosen for you.”

“Preppy?!” He thundered, nearly apoplectic now. “I gotta be-” he paused, then spat the word. “A millennial?”

At this, Tony finally had the grace to look temporarily sheepish. “Starbucks chic.” He shrugged, cockiness returning.  

Tony had a death wish, that was the only explanation. Salvation, however, came from an unlikely source.

“Save your energy, Barnes. We gotta get going.” Levi cut in; her voice surprisingly soft. She ran a hand regretfully through her own auburn mane, and looked over at where Bucky stood, chest heaving, fists on hips. “I have to dye my hair too, and wear ‘vegan leather’ or some shit.” She stood then with a heavy sigh, gathering the tablet and folder of information in front of her, holding them to her chest. She met Bucky’s glare again, but surprise had drifted into his eyes now, his lips slightly parted. “C’mon, husband. Escort your wife to the beauty salon.” She turned to address Steve. “Meet us in the hanger in an hour?”

Steve nodded, surprise making him dizzy as Bucky seemed to cave, heaving an almighty sigh before gathering his own materials and storming after Levi, pausing only long enough at the door to whirl and give Tony the bird.  

*******************************************************************************************

An hour later, a Seattle metrosexual and his vegan-leather clad wife marched into the hanger, walking close enough to fool a layman into thinking they were friendly with each other, as long as you ignored the sparks of banked anger and resentment flashing in their eyes every time they happened to meet.  

Bucky was now blond, sporting the uber trendy slicked-back undercut and clearly uncomfortable in fitted khakis and a body-hugging long-sleeved, navy blue sweater. Levi was only slightly less uncomfortable with a harsh geometric bob in unrelieved black, skin-tight jeans and white, deep-v necked, button-down men’s shirt, the sleeves rolled up and left unbuttoned half-way down to her navel.  

Steve bit his lip to keep from laughing. They had an hour and a half quinjet flight, followed by a two-hour drive with Steve to a safe house, then another hour and a half drive without him further to their new ‘neighborhood’ to get comfortable and learn all the shit on their tablets. And to eighty-six this distance between them, not even trendy hipster couples practiced this level of ‘anti-love’.

Bucky glared daggers at Steve, correctly reading his amusement and stormed up the ramp. Without a word he threw himself into the rear-row seat; Levi watched him mildly before looking at Steve and offering a faint smile.  

“Think we have a chance?” She asked.

Steve fought a grimace. “I’m not worried about you, I mean, I am… but you can take care of yourself…. I’ve never seen Buck this wound up though.”

“He really doesn’t like me, does he?” There was a definite edge of sadness in her voice and Steve reached over, slinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her close, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.  

“I don’t know what his problem is. He won’t tell me, and I’m worried what I said to him made it worse.”

“I doubt that, he respects you too much.” She paused, a little uncomfortably, then added. “We should get going.”

Steve nodded and turned, pulling Levi with him up the ramp and depositing her gently in a seat across from Bucky, to her faint amusement. Her smile however, faded when she slipped into the seat and remembered her ‘husband’ glowering at them both. Pulling out her tablet from a trendy over-sized tote, she smiled gamely at Steve while he strode further to the cockpit then turned her attention to reading her fictional past.  

With an aggravated sigh, Bucky yanked his out and began to do the same, glaring smoking holes into the screen.  

Steve barely held himself back from an only semi-ironic Hail Mary before beginning throwing the magic switch.

*******************************************************************************************

Levi stayed valiantly in her seat, despite the storm cloud next to her, and continued to memorize her story during the remainder of the flight. At times she’d feel Steve’s eyes on her and would glance up, grinning when they made eye contact, usually looking away in chagrin when a low growl from beside her would remind her that she wasn’t alone with the blond man.  

“Should be on this mission with him.” Bucky grumbled irritably. “Punk already looks metro.”

Levi rolled her eyes, taking a deep breath and praying to the fates for strength. Jesus Christ. “You are far from my dream partner too, Barnes. You think I want to spend the next how many months stuck with you? Pretending to…” she swallowed and while she didn’t really mean it this way, it looked like in revulsion, “love you? Dream on. The biggest asshole in the Compound and he’s all for me? How did I get so lucky?” Without waiting for a snarled reply, Levi deliberately pulled her knees up to her chest and turned her body away from Bucky, pointedly looking away and concentrating solely on her tablet.

Ears burning, Bucky chanced a glance up at the cockpit, fought a kneejerk sneer when he saw Steve’s disapproving frown. With his enhanced ears, Steve had just heard every word and Bucky was suddenly ashamed at the disappointment in his friend’s gaze. Gritting his teeth, he returned to his reading.  

Although he would have liked the company, Steve was proud that Levi stuck it out and stayed near Bucky, seeming to have completely erased him from her radar after her last burn. She hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, unfortunately; since the Accords and Wakanda, Bucky had been struggling. He was the black sheep of the team, rejecting most social contact and glowering from the sidelines petulantly when forced to interact. The movie nights that Steve admittedly loved with the team were always made slightly tense when the Winter Soldier was made to attend. Nat was braver than most, dragging the man out of his self-imposed cave and demanding he stay and watch with them, but Bucky rarely relaxed enough to make it worth the trouble. Most of the team just gave him a wide berth now, a courteous acknowledgement when they passed in the hallways and little else.

He was a valued member of the team, no doubt; strong and capable on missions, but he just couldn’t seem to relax and the charming, charismatic man Steve had known before the war rarely volunteered conversation anymore, or even a smile. It hurt Steve’s heart, to see him struggle like this, but he was running out of ideas on how to help. Time didn’t seem to be doing anything but make Bucky more entrenched in his self-imposed isolation and, if he was being completely honest, Steve would have preferred to sit Buck out of this mission entirely. Maybe he needed to go back to Wakanda, maybe they shouldn’t have asked for him to return to the team after Thano’s defeat.

But he was the only man on the team fluent in enough languages, and familiar with HYDRA activities; he was the only one who could watch and evaluate what he was seeing and draw on his seventy-plus years of bitter experience to act accordingly. It sucked, frankly and Steve was infinitely sorry that Levi was going to have to suffer too. The woman was smart and capable and Steve’s mind and body hadn’t decided yet if the emotions and impulses he felt near her were brotherly or something far more intimate.

A small ping from the control panel reminded him that they were close to their destination and he yelled back to his flight mates about it, smiling in delighted surprise when Levi appeared and sat in the copilot’s chair, strapping herself in.  

Bucky watched her leave, watched her give Steve the smile she never gave him, feeling an unfamiliar pang deep in his chest.

*******************************************************************************************

“Okay, what high school did I graduate from?” Levi asked, glancing over her shoulder, quizzing her fictional husband.

“Thomas Jefferson High, Denver Colorado, home of the Spartans.” Bucky intoned, bored from the back seat.  

“My first dog?”  

“Mutt named Harvey, ran over when you were seven.” Bucky sighed dramatically.

“My apologies, your Highness.” Levi snarked. “Just making sure you read your homework.”

Bucky leaned forwards suddenly, poking his head between Levi and Steve’s shoulders. They’d been driving for less than an hour, but it seemed like forever. “Your full name is Madison Elise Jaeger-Harper, born June 2, 1994. Your mother was a whore who left the family when you were seven. Your step-monster was okay but definitely favored her own kids over the steps. You worked your sweet little ass off and graduated high-school early, which is the reason you’re so young and packing two majors-”

“And then I married a pompous, grouchy asshat and that’s how we ended up here!” Levi snapped, then whirled suddenly and grabbed at Bucky’s collar. Steve wasn’t sure if she was just that fast, to catch the Winter Soldier unaware, or if the man had let her, but it hardly mattered at this point. Levi yanked Bucky closer, their foreheads nearly touching and hissed, her voice so low and venomous that even Steve felt a cold finger trail down his spine.

“Listen here, Barnes.” Levi spat, nearly vibrating in fury. “This is not my dream assignment either, but if it somehow keeps HYDRA from infiltrating our world further, then I’ll do pretty much anything, even work in close proximity with you. But this is it, this is where this stops. Spit out whatever it that you hate so much about me and then get THE FUCK OVER IT. So help me, we are not going to blow this assignment because we can’t be professional!” Her eyes bored into his, her breathing heavy. “Well? Say it?!” Bucky only glared in return, fists clenched, his breathing just as labored. For the briefest moment, his eyes flicked down to Levi’s lips then back to meet hers, narrowing with anger.

With surprising strength, but not really surprising, Steve reminded himself, Levi was enhanced with almost the same serum as he was, Levi pushed Bucky away from her, the sound his back made when it hit the seat a loud crack. Both parties continued to glare at each other before Levi growled and broke the staring contest, turning around to glower out the windshield.

“Okay, that’s it.” Steve declared. He pulled the vehicle sharply over to the side of the road and threw it into park, whirling in his seat to face sideways. He leveled a stare at both teammates, until they looked away, cheeks reddening.  

“We need this to work.” He snapped. “We need to find out just how deep HYDRA goes in this town. I fought Tony on this to send someone, anyone else but you two, but I lost. So you both need to get this out and dealt with-”

Suddenly, Levi threw open her door and stormed out, marching angrily away. The whole car vibrated with the slam. They’d managed to pull over near some type of rest stop and Levi climbed onto a weathered picnic table a couple dozen feet away, in profile to the two men. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she rested her chin on top and stared forwards into the trees beyond the rest area, chest still heaving. Tears poured freely from her eyes now, even as fury continued to blaze from them.

Steve stared at her for a long moment, then flicked his eyes up to the rearview mirror. There were too many emotions on Bucky’s face right now to name all of them, but predominant in his eyes was discomfort and shame. Finally, when Levi had finally broke and cried, it had finally reached him.  

“Fix this.” Steve snapped.  

His oldest friend’s eyes flicked to his in the mirror for the briefest instant, then down and away. Bucky heaved a deep sigh, not in irritation, but seemingly to get up his courage. He nodded once, silently, then exited the vehicle, walking slowly towards Levi, his hands jammed into his pockets.  

Steve watched silently as Bucky approached, saw Levi remain silent and unmoving as Bucky paused and called her name quietly. After a pause, he stepped closer and leaned against the picnic table, a safe distance from Levi, and crossed his arms over his chest, staring out at the trees with her.

*******************************************************************************************

“Levi… I’m sorry.” Bucky murmured, when a few minutes had passed and she still hadn’t acknowledged his presence.  

She remained silent and Bucky continued, shame making it hard for him to breathe. He hated to see someone else cry, to know he was the cause.  

“I… I can’t tell you right now what bothers me so much, I’m not even sure myself but… you’re right, Steve’s right. We need to do this; we need to be professional.” He exhaled and uncrossed his arms, grimacing as he rubbed the back of his head and felt freshly-shaved hair.  

Levi stared forwards for so long that Bucky was tempted to move his hand in front of her eyes, to see if she hadn’t fallen into some kind of catatonic state but he held back, biting his bottom lip, his arms crossed again, not it anger, but in defense, to ward off the chill that Levi’s emotions seemed to super-charge the air around them with. His shoulders hunched and he began to worry that he truly had broken something in her this time, that she would never willingly communicate with him again-

Levi turned her head soundlessly and fixed him with her amethyst gaze. “I’m doing this for the team, not for you.” Her voice was flat. “I’ve done deep cover before too, with SHIELD. I can play the part, can you?” There was a chilling lack of emotion in her voice that struck somewhere deep in Bucky, in a way he didn’t understand fully. She waited until he swallowed and nodded in return before pushing off the table and standing in front of him.  

She held out her hand to him, but the smile on her lips didn’t reach her eyes. “Hold my hand, husband?” There was an edge and a challenge in her tone and whereas before Bucky might have felt a need to bite back, the genuine sorrow she’d let him glimpse softened his reaction. He took her outstretched hand, gave it an experimental squeeze. Levi tensed only briefly before returning the action and Bucky laced his fingers with hers, an involuntary move that made him hesitate a beat, as he waited for Levi to reject it.

Her smile softened a bit, but still didn’t reach her eyes. She moved soundlessly beside Bucky as he guided her back to the vehicle and opened the door for her. Steve waited, reaching over to rest his hand on Levi’s shoulder, searching her eyes when she looked at him. His eyes tracked Bucky as he slid into the back seat, then moved back to Levi’s, asking a silent question of her with a raised brow.

Levi nodded in return and the smile she gave Steve did reach her eyes. “Let’s go.” She murmured, then reached for her tablet. “Okay Barnes,” she called back as Steve shifted into drive. “Test me now.”

[the-desolated-quill]

Two Riders Were Approaching... - Watchmen blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t read this comic yet, you may want to before reading this review)

As we hurtle head long into the third act, Two Riders Were Approaching provides a story that comes the closest to a more quote/unquote ‘traditional’ comic book narrative. With nuclear tensions rising and World War Three imminent, Daniel and Rorschach must work together to deduce the identity of the ‘mask killer’ before it’s too late.

At the core of the issue is Dan and Rorschach’s relationship. Their partnership is something that has been talked about throughout the graphic novel, but this is the first time we actually get to see Nite Owl and Rorschach in action, and it’s legitimately fascinating to observe.

When I first read the graphic novel, one question kept bugging me throughout. Why the hell would Nite Owl want to work with someone like Rorschach? A violent, bigoted, right wing conspiracy nut. It can’t just be a marriage of convenience because Dan does express genuine affection toward Rorschach numerous times throughout Watchmen. Of course I was much younger at the time, so I didn’t understand all the nuances until now. See, what Alan Moore does such a good job with regarding the Nite Owl/Rorschach dynamic is using them to illustrate the flaws and dangers of centrist politics.

Now before I go any further, I just want to clarify one thing. I’m not necessarily saying there’s anything wrong with holding a centrist view. I myself identify as a centrist, albeit slightly left leaning. However there is always a risk when it comes to taking a centrist stance of becoming so neutral to the point of being complicit, maintaining the status quo even when it serves as a detriment to others because they don’t want to take sides. I can understand wanting to come across as fair and balanced, but fair and balanced doesn’t necessarily mean both sides of a debate have equal weight. There are some topics where there is no neutral stance you can possibly take. Do women deserve the vote? Should black people have rights as white people? Should gay people be allowed to get married? There’s only one correct answer to those questions. Trying to take a centrist view here wouldn’t be fair and balanced. It would be perpetuating a harmful system of discrimination and inequality. Both sides of an argument aren’t always equally valid. And yet, especially recently, we’re seeing a growing number of (usually white) centrists trying to take a neutral position from a moral or political standpoint. We’ve all seen those cringeworthy pictures of people posing with their Trump supporting friends wearing a MAGA cap, saying how politics shouldn’t affect a strong friendship. Donald Trump is a racist twat, and while not all Trump supporters are necessarily racist twats, they are complicit in his racist twattery, as are the people who claim to be liberal and yet still hang out with those guys, wringing their hands and asking why can’t everyone just get along.

In my opinion Nite Owl serves as the pinnacle of extreme centrism. He may not be as right wing as Rorschach, but he is complicit when it comes to his extreme methods and views because they’re superheroes and what they’re doing is for the supposed greater good. The scene in the bar hammers this point home very effectively. Rorschach of course used similar violent means of interrogation back in the first issue and you’d think now that Nite Owl is with him that he’d show a bit more restraint, but no. Rorschach is still just as violent as he was before and Nite Owl doesn’t stop him or resist in anyway, instead reassuring everyone around them that they’ll try and keep their interrogation brief. In fact it’s Rorschach that ends up restraining Nite Owl when he finds out about Hollis Mason’s murder and threatens to kill one of the Knot Tops.

Ah yes. Rorschach. Now he is the most interesting part of this issue for me. Presented as being sociopathic and intolerant throughout the entire novel, here we start to see another side to him. There’s obviously the moment I just mentioned where he stops Dan from committing murder, but there are other moments too. Near the beginning of the issue, we see the two of them going to Rorschach’s residence to pick up his spare uniform and journal (which is very bloody convenient, isn’t it? The spare uniform I could believe, but a spare journal too? He just happens to have a spare journal lying around in case he lost the other one. When does he have the time to copy his notes wholesale just in case he misplaces one copy? Doesn’t the guy sleep?) and they encounter Walter’s landlady who had been spreading misinformation accusing him of trying to sexually assault her. Rorschach, understandably, takes issue with this and starts to berate her, calling her a whore. She begs him not to say that in front of her kids because ‘they don’t know.’ The implication being they all have different fathers. At which point, in a rare moment of pity, Rorschach leaves her be. There’s clearly a strong parallel between his landlady and his mother and the reason he drops the argument is because he see’s one of her young boys crying in fear, which seems to remind him of his own unhappy childhood. He’s never going to be considered a good person any time soon, but considering the vile and atrocious things he’s done in past issues, this moment feels significant.

Another significant moment is in the Owlship with Dan. With the police hunting them, the two have to lay low for a while before continuing their investigations into the ‘mask killer,’ which leads to a lot of stress and arguing. Dan finally snaps and shouts at Rorschach, chastising him for his behaviour. You think you know what’s going to happen because we’ve become so familiar with the characters’ MO, but Rorschach surprises us yet again by instead apologising and shaking Dan’s hand, calling him a good friend. 

This is why Rorschach is such a great character and why Watchmen is such a great book. This small, but touching moment adds some real humanity to his character. As horrid and extreme as he is, you can’t help but feel slightly sorry for Rorschach as you realise that throughout the story, his attempts to reach out to Dan have been in an effort to win back the trust of his best and only friend. It’s a tiny detail, but it helps elevate the character to something more three dimensional as opposed to just being a conservative strawman.

But now of course, it’s time for the big reveal. Turns out the ‘mask killer’ was Adrian Veidt, aka Ozymandias the whole time. I’m going to talk more about his character in the next issue, which focuses very heavily on him. For now I’ll just say that it’s a good twist that was expertly built up throughout the course of the graphic novel, however I do feel that Alan Moore fumbled it a bit toward the end. While Nite Owl is trying to break into Adrian’s computer, Rorschach delivers this very clunky monologue about Egyptian beliefs and practices, which ends up giving the game away too early. The reason why the reveal works is because Adrian has been used sparingly throughout the story. We know that his superhero alter ego has an Egyptian theme, but this is a background detail that doesn’t really register until now. It sounds silly to say, but at no point did I ever suspect that the mastermind behind ‘Pyramid Transnational’ (the company behind many of the suspicious goings on in Watchmen, along with Dimensional Developments) was the Egyptian themed superhero. But that’s because we’ve only been exposed to Ozymandias every now and then, just enough to keep him in the back of our minds, but not so often that it gives the game away. It’s a masterstroke, if you think about it. However, thanks to Rorschach’s clunky monologue, the reveal becomes really forced rather than having everything falling into place naturally. There’s no moment where the reader goes ‘oh duh! of course it’s Adrian!’ because the reveal is being telegraphed way too heavily. It’s a serious misstep in my view and I wish Moore trusted the reader a bit more rather than having to explain everything in a giant infodump.

However what I especially love about all this is how intentionally ridiculous it all is. We see Nite Owl and Rorschach talking and acting in a very melodramatic fashion. Someone is killing off superheroes in order to try and start World War Three and only they can save the day! Tra la laaaa! It’s once again all about the fantasy of power, until they learn that Ozymandias, one of their own, is the true villain, at which point the fantasy is broken and things get a lot more complicated from here on out. Not that it wasn’t complicated before, but this is the first time the characters themselves acknowledge it’s complicated, which again says a lot about them and their fantasies. Anyone less than a superhero is easy to deal with, but a superhero betraying them? Now that’s more serious.

Before his falling out with DC, Alan Moore had expressed interest in doing a Watchmen prequel about the Minutemen, which I would love to see. But after reading Two Riders Were Approaching, I would also love to see a prequel series about Rorschach and Nite Owl’s partnership in the sixties. It’s clear that we’ve only really scratched the surface of these characters as here we are, ten issues in, and there’s still so much to unpack and learn about them. It would have been nice to have seen them in their element and how it fell apart. We’ll probably never get to see it sadly (yes I know Before Watchmen exists. I’m talking about Alan Moore coming back to Watchmen), but at least this issue gives us a tantalising glimpse.

[jsmnutami]

Day 13: Your Commute To and From School/Work/Etc

Well, this is an interesting topic. I used to complain all the time about my commute back when I was in koas time. Okay, here’s a little background story;

I live in Bandung all my life, and I’m not one of those people who is stated “Aku orang Bandung tapi rumahku di Cimahi” (no offense to Cimahians HEHE) but really, my home is in Bandung. The edge of it to be precise, atau pinggir Bandung 5 langkah menuju luar Bandung. 

If you’re not familiar with Bandung, let me explain it to you. Basically, Kota Bandung is not that big of a city. Geographically, it shaped like a bottom of a lake minus the water. It gets pretty high on the edge and low at the center (well, okay you know what I mean). The entertainment district, the business center, the epicenter of education, ‘the fun part’ is located on the center and north-western part of Bandung. Asia Afrika, Dago, Setiabudi, Sukajadi, Riau, you named it, they are the most popular spots not only among tourist, but for local people as well. I live in the eastern side of Bandung. I like to think that East Bandung is a residential area full of housing complex and poor traffic all day long. Why? because we easterners, do our daily activities in the center-north western side of Bandung. So the commute is so blah here.

Enough with the intro. Short story, I did my bachelor in Jatinangor area. It is technically not Bandung, but its just 30 minutes commute by car from my home (if you’re ignoring the traffic of course). 1st year of college I lived in a dormitory because its mandatory (hi, it’s rhyme!). 2nd and 3rd year I rented a house in Jatinangor area with my 7 other best friends (ngontrak you might say), well it was 2 houses with 8 bedrooms actually. So my commute here was just 5 minutes car drive from our house (I rarely walk, Jatinangor is hot as hell and all of the pollution? No thanks)

Entering last semester of my bachelor degree, we moved from Jatinangor to Sukajadi, and I decided to living at my home again. Boy oh boy, the commute was driving me nuts, and it was going on for 2 years long until I graduated coass.

That was my commute from home to hospital, 19 fricking km. I have to leave 1,5 hours early and usually I got 2-2,5 hours commute when I went home. I give you an illustration, coass started at 7 am (sometimes as early as 5 am) so I have to leave at 5.30 am everyday. I left at 6, I was doomed. Coass ended at 4 or 4.30 pm, I arrived home around 6 or 6.30 pm EVERYDAY. 

I drove my own car, and it’s a manual car. Can you even imagine the pain I was going through? It’s not once or twice I cried during my commute just because my feet hurt so much. I often overslept and crashed into a sidewalk or a bushes. I always put the highest volume on the tape and got coffee or candy on my side just to be prepared. I even sometimes, pulled my car along the way, set the alarm for 30-45 min and slept because man, it is exhausting and stressful (not to mention after a looong and tiring night shift). To be fair, and to make my life less miserable, I often spent some time ‘in the city’ for until 8 or 9 pm just to avoid the rush hour traffic, and it did work.  

Me ranting about my commute was fun to hear right? 

A little epilogue, when I lived in Cirebon for an Internship, my commute was 180 degree from my college life. Wanna see? 

Yup, it was just 3 min walking distance. So if my shift started at 7 am, I left at 6.55 am. What a convenience right?

[krixwell-liveblogs]

Worm asks

Have you tried to give D&D alignments to The Travelers yet, and if not how would you classify them?

Hmm.

Trickster: True neutral

Sundancer: Neutral good

Ballistic: Chaotic neutral

Genesis: ???

Noelle: Lawful? good

Oliver: Chaotic nerd

Gurer’f abguvat vaqvfchgnoyl njshy tbvat guebhtu, ohg V’q qrsvavgryl yvxr gb frr yrff uvagvat znxr vg guebhtu gur fperravat gb Xevk

Sharks: Fher guvat. V’ir orra ehaavat bss gur vqrn gung vs vg’f va gur sbezng bs na ubarfg dhrfgvba, va beqre gb nibvq nabgure Fpragyrff Zna vapvqrag, ohg V pna svarghar vg vs crbcyr jnag?

As usual, translate here.

While you’re checking out all the Simurgh fanart, you should listen to this theme someone made for her: (google Simurgh Husr, first result. Hopefully sharks can just replace this with the actual link) Same person who made that Leviathan theme linked way back.

https://soundcloud.com/user-371879520/simurgh

This was really nice. I like how it does sound like a good melody while at the same time exhibiting some of the pattern-defying nature of the tune. 🙂

I think you miiiight have jumped to conclusions from an ask that simply asked you if you could list the Traveler’s cape and civilian names. Miiight have. Also, I’m pretty sure most of them where refered to by their civilian names in previous arcs.

It’s certainly possible.

It’s not so much that I jumped to the conclusion as that the ask opened my eyes to the possibility of it, which I hadn’t considered before. From there, I had to reevaluate things and consider how things would change if it turned out I had gotten the two mixed up. Ultimately I think I’d prefer for Cody to be Ballistic, but I’m still not sure either way (even with this ask heavily implying it’s Luke).

As for names, most of their names did show up (all the more reason for an ask about matching names to capes being kind of odd if it wasn’t trying to set me thinking of something), but I can’t recall Ballistic’s being one of them. But you know how my memory can be.

That smurf song you posted definitely says “dab dab dab” several times, despite the video being uploaded to YouTube in 2009, and the song supposedly being from 1978. So that’s suspicious as hell.

I… think that has to be the bits where it actually says “tramp, tramp, tramp på en smurf” (“stomp, stomp, stomp on a smurf”).

Either way, now we’re all forced to consider the concept of the Smurfs dabbing, so thanks for that. 😛

“Dragonberry” was Scarfgirl’s old character on City of Heroes, a MMORPG with a superhero theme that no longer exists. I know you’re not reading the chapter comments, but if you ever go back to read the early ones, you’ll see that quite a lot of the early readers were City of Heroes players who had an interest in superhero fiction. That’s why Scarfgirl’s art is signed “Dragonberry”, because it’s how people knew her back then.

Ah, interesting. Fun to hear a little about the fandom’s early history. 🙂

I’ve had many names, myself. Once upon a time I used to make a different name, if not more, for just about every site I was on. One of the names that stuck with me the most was Elementarion, which I used in the game Godville and a few other places (not every Elementarion that comes up on Google now is me, though), because I found long-time friends while using that name.

Though for some reason I wonder why 😛, nobody seemed to want to type it out every time they wanted to mention me. I’ve been called almost every short form of Elementarion there is. El was the most common (made watching Stranger Things kinda odd the first time around, even though I’d long abandoned the name), but I’ve been called Ele, Elem, Eleme, Elemen, Element…

A couple other highlights I remember were Hiatus (in a browser game I don’t remember the name of), OldHeavens (NewGrounds) and Barbute (ArmorGames).

It wasn’t until I came up with Krix Jace, later Krixwell Jace, that I started stabilizing my name.

1. Do you think people ever submit misleading questions just to fuck with you?

Some, probably. And that might be a good thing — if there are some asks that deliberately imply things that are wrong, it makes it harder to trust accidental implications of things that are right.

2. Have you ever noticed that Danny and Eidolon have never been in a scene together?

Hmmmmmm 🤔

Still no Travelers interlude… do you still think you’ll get one, or has this dashed your hopes?

Ahaha

Yeah, no, I’m counting this as everything I asked for and more. 😛

Sharks:

http://www.nospoiler.com/y/WenCYI_Bn7I

Sent in by “ewerwqer”. “Simurgh Scream” by person257 Don’t… Open it with headphones on. Trust me. Don’t.

I’m scared.

*disconnects his headphones*

…not as bad as the description sounded, but yeah, probably a good idea to not use headphones. It’s a well put-together bit of mind noise, nice work. 🙂

Worm fanart

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By Winkle92

Oooh, there are more of these? Awesome! They’re all going in my backgrounds folder.

I love how Behemoth just kinda peeks around the corner of the image border. It’s okay, don’t be shy!

(Also I just discovered I can do slideshows. Neat.)

K6BD ask

My favorite part is the Master of Aesthetic saying “she is an idiot, and a loathsome schemer!” and YISUN is all “YEP, YOU GOT THAT ONE RIGHT 😀 😀 :D”. With Aesma standing right there.

YISUN is the type of person who has “precious trash babies” in every fandom they’re in. 😛

I feel like you all need to know, even if you don’t care about MLP:FiM, that the final episode of the show proved us all wrong.

The show’s resident Skitter is not Queen Chrysalis, the villainous, scheming ruler of a hive full of insect ponies.

Nor is it Twilight Sparkle, the mainest character and socially awkward brainiac who leads a team of five other main characters and always does her research if she can.

No, because of this one episode, it becomes clear:

It’s Rarity.

…

Okay, that’s just a joke, Twilight is still the best fit among the Mane Six, but Rarity using spiders for her fashion did immediately make me think of Taylor.

Twilight – Taylor

Applejack – Brian

Rainbow Dash – Rachel

Rarity – Lisa

Fluttershy – Alec??

Pinkie Pie – Aisha??

(Spike – Shatterbird??????)

K6BD patron comments

1. “What happened to Hansa” is addressed in the Prim story so that’s still out there if you want to know.

Ahh. That would explain why it was left unexplained in Aesma, aside from acting as a noodle incident if you haven’t read Prim.

2. As you observed, the word “demon” has appeared very rarely in the comic, outside of epic title drops & an instance where drunk Allison used it in place of “devil”. It’s used in some of the bonus texts but without a clear definition. Can you speculate further on what it might mean?

The priests seem to call Aesma a demon in the sense of a being of evil, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a definition that’s relevant to the comic’s title (and what appears to be Allison’s “name” in some sense, though the Demiurges do seem to have misinterpreted other parts of the prophecy and Zoss didn’t unambiguously use it as a name). It may be more about inner demons, Allison killing her fears, doubts and insecurities as she grows into the role of a king/queen of the cosmos. Six billion might be hyperbole, in that case, but still.

Alternatively, the prophecy and name might actually refer to Zaid, who could easily end up being the final villain of this thing even if he’s not actually Zoss’ intended successor. In that case, “six billion demons” might refer to humans, if Zaid gets really nasty with his own species. We know very little about Zaid’s base personality beyond “kinda sleazy boyfriend”, so a lot of developments are plausible on that front.

Though there are other parts of the prophecy, as well as illustrations, that do fairly clearly indicate Kill Six Billion Demons is Allison and will be flanked by White Chain and Ciocie, so it referring to Zaid is unlikely.

3. I think the author once said that there are still Aesma-worshippers active in Throne. What do you think they’re like and what would she think of them?

(Somehow the flesh sellars come to mind.)

Well, clearly they’d be Slytherins, if they understand her teachings. Aesma might treat them as ants, if she were still around, but bask in their adoration.

4. Kalpa — a Hindu / Buddhist concept meaning a really fucking long time. Besides in the story you just read, the term has also appeared in the comic at least once so far.

Good to know. I think I kind of just assumed it was Throne’s equivalent of a year, however long it might be.

5. Panopticon — a prison design envisioned by philospopher Jeremy Bentham, allowing all prisoners to be observed from a central point.

Makes sense. When I read it in Aesma’s story, the word’s construction was clear enough that I figured out what it was immediately, before I finished reading the sentence. It very clearly means a place from which to see everything.

6. Root — penis.

Yeah, I figured that one out. 😛

7. To offset the unfortunate scarcity of Cio in your life lately, here’s some of the old concept art:

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(The quantity of arms was somewhat uncertain.)

Oooh.

Her arms and legs look so spidery here. I suppose that might be why she was introduced with the Coat of Arms.

Can Skitter control her?

8. Not related to K6BD but Abaddon has also been working on a tabletop mecha RPG and here’s the very nice cover art:

Ooh, you’re right, this looks very nice. It kind of gives me a K6BD x Steven Universe x Star Wars vibe. And a little bit of RWBY with that one guy that reminds me of Tyrian. I can definitely see the resemblance between this an K6BD in terms of character design style, despite the genre shift.

I particularly like the blonde in the lower left.

In the interest of transparency, I should also mention that the patron has said he probably won’t sponsor full liveblogs of any of the other bonus texts, but has sent me a few recommendations and links to some of the ones I’ve passed (besides Prim). I might read some of those on my own time, though, especially the second Aesma story. If I do, I will of course let you know and discuss any particularly notable observations.

Between: PB7

[calofdunbroch]

Merry Christmas Darling

I've just one wish on this Christmas eve I wish I were with you

Tiana’s was hardly ever empty. One of the most popular dining spots in all of Auradon City, there was almost always a wait. But today was different. The restaurant had been virtually empty, with just a few stragglers and lonely diners floating in and out. Currently the number of patrons could be counted on both hands. Two old men sat across from each other, laughing over a tall plate of beignets and reminiscing of holidays come and gone. A family of four were snuggled into a tiny booth; the two children’s eyes widening as the lone waitress dropped their cups of hot cocoa before them, a mountain of whipped cream adorned with green and red sprinkles slowly melting into the warm beverage. At the other side of the bar sat a man with his scarf wrapped up to his ears, quietly humming along as Karen Carpenter crooned a sad, slow holiday jingle from the radio, pausing only to enjoy a spoonful of gumbo every few seconds. 

Callum sat alone, watching the other patrons with a quiet reverence. His gaze followed them curiously, dropping down to then allow his hands to replicate the scene on a page in his sketchbook. Despite the invitation, he had opted to decline Beatrice and Fairy Godmother’s request to host him for the winter. As much as he would have loved to have been there, spending time with the horses and other creatures on their quaint farm, Callum felt uncomfortable with the idea of invading on the holidays. It felt like too intimate a time to be in another person’s home. But most of all... He hated the idea of anyone being audience to his homesickness and melancholy. This time of year brought that sadness that lurked within the deepest reaches of the boy directly to the surface, bubbling and desperate to break free. His stoic nature and powerful reserve were no match for the warm tears that seemed to lull him to sleep almost daily. He missed home, more than he’d like to admit. It had already been over a year since he left Scotland, and would be even longer before he could rightfully return. Time was weighing heavily on him, and the last thing he wanted was to appear vulnerable in front of anyone else. So he did his best to lock up the feelings, straying out into the cold only to be at this empty diner where the other patrons were too occupied in their own little worlds to pay him any attention. 

“That’s really good. I’m impressed... Really. Are you studying illustration?” 

The worlds pulled him from his thoughts, his hand pausing mid pen stroke as he looked up in time to meet the warm, chestnut colored eyes of the waitress. She’d been making frequent rounds to check in on her customers, perhaps the only people she had been able to interact with most of the day. It was Christmas Eve after all, very few places were open and even fewer people were going out. 

Cal followed the trail of her gaze to his sketchbook where he had been doing his best to replicate the wide smile the little girl across the way made when she first got her hot cocoa. Subconsciously he glanced towards the child. The whipped cream was long gone, remnants of sprinkles now peppering her chin as she giggled along to something her father said. “Uh... Aye, yes,” he finally blurted out. “I study art over at AU. It... Kinda keeps me calm.” A grateful - albeit rather small - grin graced his lips momentarily as he moved his pen away from the book. “Thank ye, for the compliment.” 

The waitress shrugged, “I’m just giving credit where it’s due, kid. You’ve certainly got a gift there.” She flashed him a warm grin, which Callum hadn’t noticed he reciprocated, before nodding at his empty mug. “Would you like some more coffee?” 

Blinking, Callum spared a glance at his cup. He had almost wanted to say yes, until he’d noticed the time. Quarter after five. He needed to go. Shaking his head, he closed his sketchbook and began gathering his things. The waitress laid his check down on the counter but Cal barely registered it before fishing out all the cash in his wallet and dropping in onto the counter. The waitress gathered the bills, her eyes widening at the amount he’d laid down. “Um, sir,” she began to protest but her words were drowned out by Callum’s exclamation of, “Happy Holidays, ma’am, have a great rest of yer Christmas Eve, aye?” 

And before more could be said, the young man got up and walked out of the diner, ducking his head as the icy winter air kissed his the exposed skin of his face. Callum readjusted his scarf to cover his vulnerable ears as he began the walk back towards campus. He couldn’t be even a second late. It was rare that he got opportunities to talk to his mothers, and given how desperately he missed them... He didn’t want to chance missing any second. Listening to the rhythmic crunch of the snow beneath his shoes, Callum practically ran back to the dorms. His roommate wasn’t in. Thankfully. Callum was gifted with an empty dorm throughout most of the holiday break. He had no idea where the Hart kid had run off to, and honestly he didn’t care. He wanted privacy for what he’d been anticipating all month long. Within the warmth and seclusion of his dorm, the young man tossed aside his heavy winter coat and tartan scarf, shaking out his wet hair to wipe out the snow flakes that gathered upon his head on the walk, and settled down onto his desk. 

His hands smoothed over the cool lid of his laptop, closed and waiting to be used. As his fingers began to push the monitor up, he paused and looked at the alarm clock he’d had by his bed. Just five minutes until six. Showtime. With a deep breath, Cal pushed the monitor open and quickly typed in his password, waiting impatiently as the computer came to life. Skype instantly popped up, already prepared for the call, and Callum sat straighter in his seat as he waited for the chime. The second he heard it, he’d wasted no time in answering, and his eyes widened as the screen came alight. At first the image was pixelated, but it wasn’t too long until the lag cut off and everything came into focus. The first thing he saw were bright cerulean eyes, equal in shade and shape as his, framed by thick dark hair and followed by a smile that made his heart both soar and ache. 

“Cally,” The nickname came out in a breathless whisper that the microphone had barely picked up, and yet Callum heard it loud and plain. A smile larger than any smile he’d managed in the past year spread over his face, dimpled and full of the kind of happiness only two people could bring out of him. Before he could speak, Caitriona was turning away from the screen to call out to another. “Mer! Mer, come quick, He’s on! Come over ‘ere, a leannan.” 

“Alright, alright! I’m comin’,” Cal could hear coming from the background. It was not long before a flash of red appeared on the computer screen, a petite redheaded women coming into focus, as Merida joined Cait before the monitor. The second she sat and came into focus... Callum thought he was going to lose it. “Oh, my boy,” Merida practically melted, her gaze, full of love and joy, clearly fixated on the monitor. “Oh my sweet, sweet boy!” 

“Ack, dinnae tell me yer already crying,” Cal chuckled, hiding his face as if he were embarrassed. In truth, he was checking to be sure his eyes hadn’t betrayed him just yet. There was a slight quiver to his voice as he spoke which he hoped his mothers hadn’t picked up on just yet. 

“Shut yer mouth, I’m nae crying,” Merida responded, Cait laughing softly along in the background. She shook her head but her grin had not faltered one bit. “I’m just so glad to see ye - it’s been a wee bit.” Both of their eyes were scanning the screen and Callum suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable under their scruitenizing gazes. Video call or not, they knew him better than anyone and could read every subtle twitch in his expression. He held his smile, though, a grin which for once reached his eyes and conveyed his happiness at just hearing their voices. Merida’s brows furrowed in response, which had him momentarily worried until she said, “'S it just me or does he look wee skinnier than he did last time we skyped?” 

Cait lightly smacked her wife’s arm in response, shaking her head at her, and turned her attention back to the screen. “He looks fine - You look fine. How are ye doin’, Callum? How have yer classes been? Tell us everythin’! We want ta ken all about it.”

“How’s archery been goin’? Ye been practicing, right?” Merida added with a bit of a stern voice which contradicted the beaming grin on her face. 

Callum resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead chuckling under his breath and shaking his head lightly. “Yes, mum, I’ve been keeping up with archery. Two hundred and fifty shots a day, six days a week... Just like ye taught me.” 

Merida nodded curtly, about to respond when Cait interrupted her. “Oh never mind that! The two of ye can talk about archery another time - I want to hear about everything else. Tell me about school - How have ye been doing? Have ye been making friends?” 

Before Cal could respond, Merida added, “Wooing any young ladies?” The young man groaned in response, burying his face in his hands. He could hear Cait hissing something at Merida, likely chastising her for the outburst. Merida responded with a louder, “What? He’s a grown man now. And I would like some grandchildren before I’m old and gray like mammy is. Ye hear that? I want grand babies, Callum, that’s my Christmas wish this year.” 

Callum’s head rose from the comfort of his hands. “Ah, yes, speaking of which - Happy Christmas. If I’m nae mistaken, it’s after midnight over there... How in the bloody hell are ye two hags up this late?” He spoke affectionately despite the insulting words. Both of the women erupted into laughter on the other end, speaking over each other. He caught some of the gaelic words being flung at him, but just smiled in response. “To answer yer many questions - I’m doing alright, mammy. Classes have been good, I’ve gotten a few clients over the past few weeks which has meant extra cash in my pocket. Ye know... Aside form the money the two o’ ye sneak into my bank account. Aye, I ken what yer up to.” He chuckled, not about to pick a fight with them about it but appreciative nonetheless. Obviously Merida and Cait weren’t fans of their only child living the “starving artist” lifestyle, he couldn’t blame them for worrying. “I even gave a piece to the King of Auradon, odd as that sounds. Still not really sure how that one happened, but it did. I’m making friends, yes, though nae always willingly. And... No. There are no ‘young ladies’ in my life for ‘wooing’. Sorry, yer gonna have to keep that Christmas wish for another year, mum.” 

Merida let out a sigh and turned to Cait, her voice low but not low enough for the mic to not pick up. “He’s still stuck up on that Charming girl.” 

“Wha - I... I’m nae stuck up on anyone!” His cheeks burned as he protested, though the women were not listening.

“Aye, well, she is a pretty little thing last I remember,” Cait conceded. 

“And charming, probably,” Merida snorted. “Oi - why can ye nae date that Anderson girl? She’s cute. And she talks to ye, right? Probably the only girl that does.. He’s so hopeless at socializing. Honestly where did we go wrong?” 

“I’m just fine at socializing, thank ye very much. I have some friends,” Cal tried to interject, but the women were quickly speaking animatedly over him. 

“Ooo, Elsa’s girl! We do like Queen Elsa,” Cait responded to Merida instead. 

Merida snickered. “Well you most certainly like Elsa. More like fancy her, ye do.” 

“I do nae. Stop that.” 

“I’ve seen the way that ye look at her. I understand, she’s a bonny lass. Nae as pretty as ye mo nighean donn, but.. Well that is a sandwich I wouldnae mind being caught in...” 

“Can we please stop talking about my friend’s mum like this?” Cal groaned, hiding his face in his hands again. He was beginning to remember the one downside to family skype calls.

Cait narrowed her eyes at Merida before turning back to her son. “Anyway. I’m glad to hear yer doing well, Cally. Ye ken... We worry about ye often.” There was a sudden shift in the tone and Callum became aware of that lump that was sitting in his throat. He felt a new warmth in his face, followed by that sweeping melancholy that settled in whenever he thought too much about home and how much he missed it. How much he missed them. His eyes burned. 

“Aye, I ken,” he said hoarsely. 

She continued, “It hurts that we have to communicate like this... That ye cannae just come home and be here with us to celebrate the holidays. They’re just nae the same without ye. Everyone - absolutely everyone - misses ye terribly son. There’s a gaping hole here and we just... Nothing can fill that. We miss ye so much.” Cait’s voice broke and she turned away to subtly dab at her eyes. Callum didn’t see this though. His eyes had dropped to his hands which sat folded in his lap. He could see his gaze growing hazy but bit back on his tongue hard and willed the tears to stay inside. 

“Things could be different, ye ken.” It was Merida who spoke now. “If ye just... Came back, and faced the lairds’ sons... Then things could be different, Callum. Ye could come home, whenever ye wanted to. Ye could be here with us.” 

He blinked, jaw tightening to the point where he thought his teeth might shatter from the pressure. He could hear Cait whispering a warning to Merida, but he didn’t pay it much attention. Looking away, his gaze landed on the tartan scarf he’d been wearing earlier. DunBroch Tartan. The Tartan of the Royal Family. He felt another emotion rising up in him, the embers of his anger smoldering in the pit of his stomach. He felt sick.  

“All ye have ta do is -”

“I ken what I have ta do,” he barked back, annoyance coating his words. He closed his eyes momentarily, willing his fury to calm down. It had grown quiet and Callum sat still for a while, attempting to get his breaths to even out. 

“Ye dinnae have to do anything,” Cait finally said in a stern voice. He glanced up to see that his mothers were staring at one another, a silent battle brewing between them. They quickly dropped it and both looked back at him. “Dinnae worry about it. We are working on that. Every day we all work tirelessly to stop this conflict with the lairds. Yer mum and I, yer gran, even yer uncles have started joining the conversations... We’re certain we can pacify them and get them to back off from the call for a Highland Games. And once that is settled then ye will come back, Callum. Ye’ll come home and we will all be waiting here with open arms, ready to welcome our prince home.”

“Because that is what ye are... Yer the prince of DunBroch,” Merida added firmly. 

Callum looked away again, just letting the words hang there. Prince of DunBroch. That’s what they were fighting over ‘tirelessly’. A title - his supposed birth right. Yet Callum felt far from it. He didn’t feel like a prince. He barely felt like a member of the clan most days. Still, he bit back the feelings threatening to spill over and just nodded and smiled half-heartedly at them. “Aye,” he breathed. Blinking, he hadn’t realized how misty eyed he’d gotten, his gaze shifting to the clock. How had they only been talking for half an hour? He sniffled and smiled again at them. This time his smile had not reached his eyes, which remained stormy and distant. “It’s getting a wee bit late over there... Ye must be tired. Perhaps I should let ye go.” 

Both women appeared crestfallen, and Merida opened her mouth to protest. But there was a look of understanding on Cait’s face. She knew him better than most - after all, he was her son by blood. Her smile was small and warm, but there was a sadness teetering on the edge of her expression. “It has been a long day... The family of course sends their love, Cally. Gran Elinor, yer uncles... The dogs even.” All three let out breathless chuckles. Callum wanted to ask where they were, but the last time he had skyped and the dogs were in the room they went wild at the sound of his voice. It was better this way. More quiet. More intimate. 

“We love ye, Cal. And we will see ye soon... Sadly nae in time for Hogmanay but, hey - maybe ye could try introducing it to those Auradonians. Make some actual friends that way, aye?” Merida spoke in a teasing tone, trying to lighten up the atmosphere of the call, and Cal couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, as well as the eye roll.  

“Who’s hosting Hogmanay anyway this year?” The women looked at each other before responding in unison, and in a monotonous tone, with, “The Dingwalls.” The boy grimaced and shook his head at them. “Aye, well... Hopefully it’ll be a good time.” 

“I’ll be very drunk, so I’m sure it will,” Merida laughed, and Cait shot her a look that seemed to contest her plans. They fell into another silence then, though this was more comfortable than the last. Callum swallowed against the hollowness in his throat, sniffling as he fought, and failed, to conceal some of those hot tears which wanted to fall. “Soon, M’annsachd,” Merida added. “We will be together soon.” 

As he swiped at his cheek, the only thing he could think to say in response was, “I love ye both. Happy Christmas.” His jaw clenched and his gaze dropped from the screen, unwilling to let them see the pain in his eyes. He didn’t want the call to go this way - he didn’t want it to end on such a sour note. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just maintain his composure and have a good talk? He didn’t even get to find out what was going on at home - how the family and the staff was. He felt even more distant from them and his homeland than he’d ever felt before and it was all his own fault.  

“We love ye too. Happy Christmas, Cally,” Cait spoke up for both her and Merida. They fell once again into a silence, which hung in the air a moment longer. Callum sucked in a breath, ready to look up and see them one more time. But before he could, he heard the chime signaling the end of the call. When he looked up, the screen was blank, and the warmth that had entered into the dormitory, and seeped into his bones, all but vanished in a matter of seconds. He felt cold; cold and hollow. Broken. He just sat there, staring at the screen for a few minutes longer until finally he snapped the monitor shut. Gathering his things, he slumped onto his bed, curling into a ball facing the wall. 

After a few moments alone, engulfed in the silence, Callum moved to turn on the radio which sat on his desk, the speakers coming alive with the tunes from the local radio station. He paused as he found himself listening to that same Carpenters’ song which played back at Tiana’s when he’d been dining there earlier. Laying on his back, he closed his eyes and listened to the words, feeling his bruised and broken heart cracking more and more with each lyric, as warm tears welled and slid down the curve of his cheeks. 

I wish you Merry Christmas Happy New Year too I've just one wish on this Christmas eve I wish I were with you I wish I were with you