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adorethedistance · 4 years ago

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Doomsayers - Owen Joyner x Artist!Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, existential dread, pretty mild content overall.

Words: 1110

Summary: Owen had to practically harass you to get you to relax on your mutual day off, but the quality time together takes an unexpected turn when you exhibit a small sense of self-doubt.

A/N: I’m sorry I’ve sort of disappeared but I’ll offer an explanation in the footnote. Other than that, requests are still being filled right now. Let this self-indulgent piece hold you over in the meantime. I wanted to get something out and due to how the process went with finishing this one, I think I’m slowly easing back into a writing spell after such a long period of writer’s block.

“Y/N!” Owen yells, dragging out my name despite being a mere ten feet away.

“Oweennnnn,” I whine back in an insincerely mocking tone. My almost too loving boyfriend is lying in the unmade sheets of my bed, groaning at me from a supine position. I’m switching in between sitting and standing as I work on a new painting for a client. It’s a magical realist take on an Italian cobblestone street view, and I’ve spent so much time on the painting this week that I’m way ahead of schedule. Owen knows this and is consequently moaning at me from his spot where he’s nestled on my bed.

A lazy Saturday is exactly what we both needed, but when I decided I had a little time the morning before he showed up, I’d gotten so invested in my workflow that I didn’t even break to answer the door. This isn’t the first time Owen’s had to let himself into my place with the key I gave him for our one-year anniversary. Essentially: when I have a warm drink in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, there’s no telling when I’ll break next.

“We’re supposed to be relaxing. Why are you working on our lazy Saturday?”

“I’m not working.” I brush a loose strand of hair out of my face, careful not to dab a glob of yellow oil paint across my cheek.

“You are painting a commission. It’s literally work, babe.”

“Hush. I’ve got a good workflow going.”

“If you don’t put that brush down in the next 10 seconds… I’ll… I’ll break up with you!”

“No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t,” he sighs defeatedly. “But I will start crying.”

“Owen-” I stand up straight after being hunched over the canvas for so long.

“Please?” When I look at my boyfriend he’s giving me the most pitiful pout in the world and I can’t help but smile. His pout morphs into a full grin when I set my paintbrush into a plastic cup of water and oil solution.

“I hate you, you know that?”

“I love you!”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“Hush.”

I crawl up the length of my bed to join Owen who awaits my arrival with open arms. He’s resting on all my different pillows which are strewn about the bed via his nesting tendency. Once I’m laying down, Owen wraps both arms around my waist and rests his face on the nape of my neck. He presses a kiss to the bottom-most cervical vertebrae and inhales my scent delightedly.

“You enjoying yourself back there?”

“You smell good,” he mumbles shyly. Hugging his arms around me tighter, he traces soothing circles on my hip bone with his right index finger. His head comes to a static position as he’s finally comfortable, and slings his left leg over the side of my left thigh. I can’t help but laugh at the assumed position, and pull out my phone to entertain myself, knowing damn well that Owen will be asleep in a matter of minutes.

When I open instagram my face falters a little bit. The most recent post is from my coworker Kelly, and it’s a video of her 6 month old baby. In the video, her husband is holding the baby, making funny faces at her to get her to laugh. The sight is adorable and kind of saddening all at once. They seem like such a happy family and I’m sharply reminded by a thump in my chest of how Kelly got the promotion we were both up for last week. Her life seems magnificent, and mine feels like it hasn’t started yet. I know she’s three years older than me, but still. Three years isn’t that much. I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, or going to do.

“Owen?” I don’t trust my voice to lift over a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?”

“I am now that you’re finally relaxing with me-”

“No,” I cut off his pointed comment with a breathy laugh, “I mean with life in general.” Owen’s finger stops tracing circles, and there’s no more movement of him making small adjustments. The only proof I have of him being alive is the faint tickle of his breath across the exposed skin of my neck.

“I mean, not everything is fantastic per se, but I’m content with the balance of good and bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I still get in my own head with auditions a bit, but I have acting and a new pad and you,” Owen emphasizes his statement by hugging onto my waist a bit tighter. “Why? What’s up?”

“I don’t know. I just get consumed by the thought that--yes, everyone wants to be happy--but it just doesn’t happen for some people. Everyone has dreams and goals and aspirations, but how many people can actually say that they have their dream career or dream life?” I let out an involuntary sigh from subconsciously holding my breath. “What if I’m not one of the people who gets to be happy?”

“Woah… where is this coming from?” Owen holds onto me tighter at the lack of a response. He presses a lingering kiss to my back and doesn’t move away until he feels my shoulders physically relax in his grasp.

“You deserve to be happy. And you will be even if you aren’t right now. Even if the bad outweighs the good right now, you have me. I’m here for you… I love you, Y/n.”

“I know. I love you.”

“Besides, aren’t you a little young to be having so much existential dread?”

“Oh, that is so rich coming from you.”

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Owen scoffs in defense of his honor.

“You are the biggest doomsayer I have ever met.”

“It could be worse. I could be this existential and look like you.” It’s my turn to play up defensive with an exaggerated gasp.

“You can cuddle with yourself then while I-”

“No! I’m sorry, please don’t leave!” His hold on my body grows impossibly tighter as he pulls me into his broad chest. I give in and stop struggling against him. Owen peppers the bare skin of my neck in staccato kisses to restore my tranquility. It’s not long until the two of us settle into a comfortable silence, simply desiring to be enveloped in one another’s presence. The syncopation of our breathing is the only sign of life in the room, and I’m consumed by a moment's clarity: as long as I have Owen, the good will always outweigh the bad.

***

A/n: Okay so for you nosy fuckers who care to read this: the reason I kinda disappeared... is so fuckin dumb. Idk how I got here but atm I’m #obsessed with Mat Barzal. Yeah. The hockey player. I don’t want to become a hockey blog tho so I figured I’d just go through this on my own and then resurface once I’m back on my JATP headassery. Slowly but surely, I can get through it. I go through periods of time where I exclusively read fics and then exclusively write fics. This has been a time of reading recently as I’ve purged the majority of Barzal content on here.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @celestialmolina @lilyjoyner

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alex-ruins-everything · 4 years ago

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Turning Pages - Chapter 6

Intrulogical bookshop au! Read the whole thing on ao3 here.

“Roman, that’s no fair! I called dibs on the car days ago!” Remus argued, chasing his brother down the hall.

“And I told you! Virgil and I are going to the mall, so I need it!” Roman replied, dodging Remus’ attempted swing when the other got too close.

“Well it’s your fault for breaking your own dumb car!”

Remus had been waiting for this day since he had somehow miraculously gotten Logan to agree to go on a date with him. Logan, the uptight nerd from the bookshop with a jawline that could cut glass and eyes Remus wanted to be waterboarded in. He had texted the number on the back of the receipt immediately upon getting it. A simple ‘hey itz Remus ;-3’ to which Logan replied with perfect grammar and punctuation. Gah, he could be in love. They had gone back and forth about their plans for the aquarium and Remus had promised to pick Logan up. Then the conversation turned to other things and Remus got to know more about Logan other than the fact that he was gorgeous. He liked astronomy (which is different from astrology apparently), he drank his coffee black, and he had been working at the bookshop since he was sixteen. Remus had never committed to anything that long, that was insane. For every question he answered he asked one in return and Remus couldn’t remember the last time he’d held someone’s attention that long in a positive way that wasn’t Janus or Roman.

Roman, who was currently trying to sabotage their date it would seem by putting his own first. Remus had to resolve this quickly or he’d risk being late to pick Logan up.

“Roman, you know how pumped I’ve been for this. I’m taking the car,” Remus argued, watching Roman pluck the car keys off the hook and fully getting ready to pounce on his brother.

“Take your bike! You have options, I don’t!” Roman replied, holding the keys away from Remus.

“Fine! Fine. But you so owe me a big one.”

Roman cheered at winning the argument as Remus plucked the keys to his motorcycle off the hook and headed out to the garage, grabbing his jacket on the way. It might have been hot as hell outside but the aquarium could be chilly plus he never rode without his jacket. He shoved the helmet on his noggin and grabbed a spare for Logan before zooming off to the address his date had given him. It was an easy enough to find building, balconies lining the outer walls and large brass numbers over the front door. Remus parked his bike and pulled his helmet off, finding L. Berry on the doorbell system and pushing the appropriate button.

“Hello?” Logan’s voice answered after a while.

“Your noble steed awaits, Specs. You ready?”

“Ah, yes. I’ll be down in just a moment, Remus.”

Remus went to go lean against his bike, resting his helmet on the ground so it didn’t get knocked off. It really was just a moment before Logan emerged from the building’s front door causing a smile to break out on his face. The nerd walked over and Remus opened his arms for a hug to be met with a hand extended for a handshake. He laughed and went for that instead.

“We aren’t going on that...are we?” Logan asked, eyeing the bike warily.

“Ro totally hijacked the car this morning,” Remus explained. “You’ve never ridden one before?”

“No. Motorcycles are highly impractical and-” “Lemme stop you there,” Remus said, handing Logan the spare helmet. “It’s not as dangerous as you think it is. All you gotta do is hold onto me nice and tight and before you know it, we’ll be at the aquarium making kissy faces as the fishies.”

“That’s not generally how I spend my time at the aquarium...is that how you spend your time at the aquarium?” Logan questioned, taking the helmet hesitantly.

“Sometimes, yeah,” Remus laughed, sticking his own helmet on and getting onto the bike, motioning for Logan to do the same.

Once Logan was on and he felt long arms secure themselves around his waist Remus headed off to the aquarium. He looked in the mirrors every once in a while to check if Logan was okay and after about a mile of panic the other seemed to relax a little bit and almost looked like he was enjoying the ride. The only thing Remus didn’t like about this was that he didn’t get the chance to converse with Logan, but there was plenty of time for that once they got to the aquarium itself. Besides...silence was a pretty good payoff for having Logan hugging him from behind. It wasn’t a terribly far ride to the aquarium and they were there quite quickly.

“See? That wasn’t so bad was it?” Remus asked, getting off first and holding out a hand to help Logan do the same. “And now you can check that off your bucket list.” “No...it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” Logan admitted, accepting the hand offered to him for help. “Though I do not have a bucket list, I don’t think riding a motorcycle would be on it. I never had any desire to do that before...but it was rather exhilarating…”

“You use a whole lotta fancy words, Specs. I like it.”

Remus held out a hand for Logan’s helmet to secure it on the bike with his own. He thought he almost saw the hint of blushing on the other’s cheeks but that could have been the summer sun beating down on them. Logan didn’t have sunglasses like he did, just his regular ol’ glasses.

“I got a membership to this place so I’ll get the tickets, they’re free with it,” Remus said as they walked into the large building, the lighting inside much darker and slightly blue tinted.

“I’m a member as well, actually,” Logan replied. “I’m a member of all educational facilities in the tristate area.”

“Oh be still my beating heart...cute and a member at the aquarium? You’re really turning out to be the whole package here, Logie.”

Logan opened his mouth like perhaps he wanted to protest the new nickname or that he wasn’t any sort of package, but the duo was called up to the ticket booth before he could. Remus went ahead and asked for two tickets anyway, flashing his membership card and getting two stickers to show they had been cleared for admission. He stuck his own on his chest before sticking Logan’s on his tie and moving them off the line and towards the first set of tanks.

“So...you wore a tie to a date to an aquarium, huh?” Remus asked, starting up conversation as they looked at the colorful fish swimming around.

“Oh- yes,” Logan said, looking down at his now stickered tie. “Admittedly, I did have to research how to dress for a date and the articles I read mentioned ties. I wear them often so I thought it was the best route. Was I not supposed to wear a tie to the aquarium?”

“No, no. You can wear whatever you want, Lo. I was just curious,” Remus assured, pausing a moment. “You had a look up what to wear for a date?”

“Well, yes. I, ah...don’t go on very many. Or...any...”

“Aw…” Remus cooed, gently nudging Logan’s shoulder with his own. “Then we’ll make this a good one.”

The two of them walked around, pausing to look into the different tanks. Remus coulda sworn he almost saw a smile on the other’s face at some of his enthusiastic bouncing. Turns out Logan had a whole lot of fish facts to share and Remus eagerly listened, sharing a few of his own though they weren’t as cool as the ones Logan shared. When they got to the archway tank a shark swam right overhead of them and Re excitedly pointed it out, the pair stopping to watch the shark swim around for a while. Shockingly the aquarium wasn’t too busy on a Thursday afternoon, only a few groups of camp kids in brightly colored matching shirts. Finally they got to Remus’ favorite exhibit.

“Look!” he said, grabbing Logan’s hand and pulling him over to the octopus tanks. “God- aren’t they fuckin’ awesome…”

“You’re quite fond of octopuses, aren't you?” Logan questioned, nodding to the tattoo on display on Remus’ arm since the other had cut the sleeves off of his shirt at some point.

“I really couldn’t tell ya why...I just think they’re neat,” Remus explained, smiling when Logan pointed out his tattoo. “This octopus is actually here! He’s somewhere in this tank but y’know, camouflage and all.”

“You got a tattoo of one of the octopuses from this aquarium?” Logan asked for clarification, his eyes going from Remus to the tank in an attempt to find the creature in question.

“Yeah, Duke. When I was like twelve or somethin’ I won a raffle to name their newest octopus. I made the poor nanny drive me here like every day so I could see him.”

“That’s actually...quite nice.”

“Oh! There he is,” Remus said, pointing out a small bit of movement in the sand at the bottom of the tank. Now that they knew where to look it was easy to spot the octopus. “Did you know octopi have three hearts? Oh! And blue blood.”

“I did know that, but it’s very interesting,” Logan nodded. “They also lack bones and are quite intelligent.”

“They’re just so cool!”

They stood and watched Duke the octopus for a long time, swapping facts about cephalopods. The octopus eventually did move and Remus was able to show off the similarities between the creature in the tank and the tattoo on his arm. The resemblance was striking. Eventually they moved on, continuing to talk about they fish they passed until they ended up in the gift shop.

“I always loved the gift shop of museums,” Remus said, moving over to browse a rack of postcards. “It was almost like a reward for making it through the boring stuff.”

“You didn’t seem to find the aquarium boring,” Logan stated.

“Oh, yeah. Aquariums don’t count. I just...don’t like museums as much. They’re cool and all - especially the art museum that has all the medieval armor and weaponry - but no one will go with me because apparently I’m too loud for museum culture.”

“I quite enjoy that museum actually,” Logan said. “Perhaps we can go there together. I do have a membership.”

Remus thought he was gonna vibrate from excitement. Logan had just asked him on a second date, right? That’s what had happened? He gave an enthusiastic nod, his eyes catching on something along the wall. Ties!

“Oh! Oh, wait here,” he said, running over to the display.

Sure enough they had a few different designs. Remus immediately fell in love with a navy blue tie that had a green octopus towards the bottom. He pulled it off the rack, not bothering to check the price and moved back to show Logan.

“I’m gonna get this for you,” he said, holding the tie up.

“Wha- Remus, no. You don’t have to do that,” Logan replied. “It’s a very lovely tie, but you don’t need to buy me a gift.”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to...so I am.”

“I’m not going to be able to convince you to put that back, am I?”

“Nope.”

“Very well,” Logan nodded. “Your turn to wait here.”

Remus did as he was told, looking over the rack of postcards again. He found one with an eel on it and picked one up to give to Janus. Eels were like water snakes, right? Janus did love his snakes. Not too long after he walked off Logan came back with a small stuffed octopus in his hands.

“I’m going to buy this for you,” Logan said. “Is that- is this something you’d like?”

“Lo, I will literally cherish that for the rest of my life,” Remus grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. “Hell, I’ll be buried with it.”

Logan’s shoulders seemed to relax a little bit at Remus’ approval. Remus moved over to the register, flashing his membership card again for that wonderful 10% off he got as a perk. Once he was done Logan got rung up, showing his own card.

“For you,” Logan said, holding out the stuffed octopus.

“And for you,” Remus replied, exchanging the tie for the toy. “Y’know...all this walking around the aquarium has me heavily craving some coffee. You game?”

“I- yes. I would also appreciate some caffeine right now,” Logan nodded.

“It’s no Remy’s place, but there’s a cafe like a block away, c’mon,” Remus said, grabbing Logan’s hand again to lead him away from the aquarium and towards the sidewalk.

The coffee shop was much busier than the aquarium but the smell of roasting beans was pretty much divine as soon as they walked in. The seats inside were all full but there were a few spare seats outside that hopefully wouldn’t be snagged before they got their orders in. The two of them continued to chat during the walk and while waiting on line. Remus placed their order, getting a black coffee for Logan and his own personal drink which he liked to call the Gamble With Death.

“Surely that cannot be good for your heart,” Logan stated after hearing Remus say eight shots of espresso.

“It hasn’t killed me yet,” Remus shrugged. “If it ever does I promise to let you know.”

“How would you let me know? You’d be dead?”

Before Remus could think up an answer for that his name was called out and he went to go grab the two cups, handing Logan his. They grabbed a table outside and Remus stuck his new octopus in the middle of the table.

“He needs a name,” he said, gesturing to the stuffed toy.

“It does?” Logan questioned, sipping his coffee.

“Of course he does!”

“You could perhaps go with a nod to H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu and name him that,” Logan suggested.

“Hm...I like that, I like that,” Remus nodded, getting an idea. “Cthuwu. Y’know, like ‘uwu’?”

“Tell me if I use this wrong but, ah...cursed.”

Remus broke into laughter at that, assuring Logan that was the right context but it was more the delivery that caught him off guard. Apparently Virgil works with Logan to get the adorable nerd up to date with modern slang. The guy had flashcards which Remus absolutely needed to see now. They stayed at that cafe table long after their coffee cups had been drained, until suddenly the sky was a mass of pinks and oranges.

“Ah, shit. I totally kept you out longer than I had promised,” Remus said, stretching in his chair.

“Oh,” Logan looked up, blinking like he had just been pulled out of their little personal bubble. “Yes. I should probably get home. I do have work tomorrow and I have my nightly routine to keep up with.”

“So...organized,” Remus grinned, standing up and tossing his empty cup into the trash bin. “Then home we go, Logie.”

Logan stood up as well, discarding his cup and following Remus back to his motorcycle. Remus was able to fill any void of silence by running his mouth. He was currently telling Logan about the first time he took Janus on the bike. He hadn’t been too fond of it. Remus handed Logan his helmet and stuck their purchases in his side bag, before long they were back off towards Logan’s apartment.

“Y’know, Lo...I had a lot of fun today,” Remus said once the engine was killed and they were parked by Logan’s front door.

“I...actually did too. You were certainly a wonderful companion for the aquarium,” Logan replied, handing back his borrowed helmet. “Thank you for not letting me die on the back of the motorcycle.”

“Nah, Specs...I would never let someone as cute and clever as you die,” Remus winked, pulling the tie out of the side bag and sticking the helmet in there with Cthuwu. “I’ll see you around, yeah? I’m almost done with that book you recommended.”

“Oh? I’m so glad you’re liking it,” Logan grinned, books seeming to be a topic he rather enjoyed talking about. “Well...I’ll start building a list of recommendations for you.”

“Absolutely cannot wait,” Remus returned the other’s smile, pausing for a moment before taking a step closer and kissing Logan on the cheek. “Bye, Specs.”

He shoved the helmet on his head and sped back home after making sure Logan made it inside alright. He looked a little dazed after that kiss on the cheek which was just so damn adorable. Remus was absolutely on cloud nine. Now he got to go home and gush about it all to Janus over the phone.

TAGLIST:

@theiwatobiicepic

#alex-writes-everything #turning pages #intrulogical #prinxiety #moceit #remus sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders

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rcl-stan · 4 years ago

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would i be friends with the pjo characters irl?

stolen from @best-ofpjo

(im writing essays for these istg)

percy - absolutely not. i hate that man. we’d know each other from middle school band where we both did percussion. i barely know him but every breath he takes shortens my fuse. i look forward to the class but every time i’m there and i remember he exists i just cannot wait to leave. he sucks at mallets but the teacher wont stop giving him mallet parts. his lack of talent is infuriating. in high school we have more classes together and i realize he’s not as bad, but this scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle gained so much raw fuckboy energy over the summer even though i at least know he’s not like that. we bond over our great taste in music after running into each other at a park, but we aren’t friends. if anything he’s only more of a minor significance to me. his existence still enrages me and no amount of halestorm can fix that

annabeth - we would have an unbelievable amount of mutual friends, but no matter how much we hang out i just can’t stand her. and the worst part is: i dont know why. shes so nice. she gives me homework answers and gives me her cheeze-itz when i dont have a snack in seventh hour. im never rude to her either. if anything, im the nicest i ever am around her. she thinks we’re friends but i just cant bring myself to be honest with her, especially because i dont know what about her bothers me. we make a tiktok together during a free period and from that point on i have a crush on her, but i only makes me hate her more. she has what my fans wish they had

grover - we’d be decent aquaintances. i find out he listens to coin a bit, but thats as close as we get. this dude smokes so much weed. i mean, not really that much, but he’s high off his ass pretty often. theres no way someone could possibly be so chill, with or without the 🍃. he offers me a hit but i decline. he’s respectful about it. the tech theater vibes are intense. its never his first choice, but hes always on lights. jokes on him, hes afraid of heights and hates going up on the catwalk. i call absolute pussy shit. thats the coolest place in the auditorium. he’s clowning

thalia - god i hate her. so much. just knowing she exists makes me want to cry. how can someone so horrid be related to someone so kind and respectful. sometimes im tempted to talk to her because she also likes halestorm and most of my friends get scared when im handed the aux, but i control myself

bianca - we’re best friends. shes so sweet. like, one of the sweetest people ever. shes very impulsive though and doesnt think things through often. this has torn apart lots of her friendships, but we always manage to sort things out. we’ve been friends since kindergarten. we make a pretty great team, but sometimes she forgets what kind of music i listen to. i get handed the aux. she’s startled, to say the least. she listens exclusively to girl in red, clairo, and tame impala. pros - she knows theyre not underground. we are often told that our music tastes match each other’s aesthetics. spoiler alert: we know

nico - surprisingly yes. when we meet we sort of just click. we’re absolute losers together and we like it that way. although ive known bianca for forever, we dont actually talk until middle school when im his band mentor buddy. hes absolute trash at music but we still become good friends. he has the energy of a baritone (iykyk, iydk: small feral animal) but he just doesnt have the talent </3 bianca jokes that i should bully him when she finds out we’re partners but is genuinely surprised when we become close. i’ll be hanging out with nico at their place and bianca comes home like “👁👄👁 girl- well do u wanna hang out after?” our favorite thing to do is watch bad netflix coming of age movies and judge them (and talk about how attractive some of the guys are)

will - yeah. hes nice, quiet, and chill. definitely the loud/chaotic one when hes with close friends. hes a people pleaser though and forgets to take care of himself sometimes. he has the absolute worst taste in music. arrest worthy. exclusively country, except for his favorite artist, which is ed sheeran. his personality makes up for it though. hes the only other one in our friend group whos seen glee and we mourn naya rivera together

luke - no. hes a predator and everyone knows it. he has intense sde. he has almost no friends and everyone likes it that way. hes a supersenior bc this man has no 🧠 and is also still trying to get freshman girls bc he knows no one else is dumb enough to let him techdeck on their tiddies. but he’s a fool. no one is dumb enough to let him techdeck on their tiddies

imma make a part two with more and also continue on with other series !! this was fun ☺️

#soel.txt #fr tho this was too much fun #pjo #riordanverse #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #thalia grace #bianca di angelo #nico di angelo #will solace #im not tagging l*ke 😐

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missblissy · 5 years ago

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Rebirth (Chapter Five)

Alastor X Human!Reader ((Reincarnation!AU))

Prologue || One || Two || Three || Four || Five

Tagged: ((You can ask to be added to the tagged list!!)) @alastors-bambi @peachesandkats @riintss @destiny-in-the-universe @dadzawas-eyebags @daedaliaaan @putridjoy @shieldagentofthemonth @originofthedragonjim @animals4ever527 @jexinqq @chaotic-pansexual @geekin-about-alastor @keenhumanoidduckeagle @fafefae @honeydrops01010 @itz-kira @xoceanicgemzx @the-monochrome-jester @holdnyvaseline @temmieboi04 @ultimately-purrrfect @lukatherat

You could still smell the herbs from a few days ago. You were in your kitchen making yourself something to eat. It had been almost two days and there wasn’t a single sign of Alastor or Eon. Your mind was busy with other thoughts anyways. Your father’s surgery went well and he was on a slow recovery. Hopefully, it helped with his condition, but you doubt it would slow down his one-way ticket to the grave. You took a small bite of the PB&J that you made and suddenly you didn’t feel so hungry anymore.

Instead, you wanted to break down and cry. You leaned on your counter, looking down at the sandwich as tears began to well in your eyes. So much shit has happened these past few days. You moved and now lived by yourself for the first time in your life, you were going to college at the same time while looking for a new job, and demon decided it was going to drop an entire shit load of problems that didn’t even involve you. Just your soul. And on top of that, your father was dying. It broke your heart when you waited with your mother for him to get out of surgery. Your father was a strong and proud man and to see him wither away into a husk, a shadow of what he used to be... It was all too much. You couldn’t take it anymore.

The sobs came quickly. You crouched on the floor behind the counter and held your knees as you cried away. You felt as though the entire world was against you. You were thankful for the few people you had.

You didn’t want to feel bad anymore so you did your best to dry your tears. As you stood back up you saw something on your counter that wasn’t there before, “Huh?” Next to your pathetic sandwich now laid a thick leather-bound book with a sticky note taped to the cover. You were ready to roll your eyes and dumb the book into the trash, you already knew it was from Alastor.

That’s when you felt the hairs on the back of your neck start to rise while a familiar dry static energy began to fester within your home, “Go away!” You yelled, “I’m not your wife! I don’t know you! And you don’t know me!” You were talking to the air, but you knew Alastor was here. You could feel his energy. You could even feel his eyes on you, even if he wouldn’t show himself and choose to hide, “Just because you could guess my favorite food and color doesn’t mean I’m still your wife! So what if we have similar taste in stuff! I’m not her! You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know my family, my friends, you don’t even know my birthday! You can’t name a single thing about me other than what you can guess off the top of your head!”

You wanted to cry again and when a tear dripped down your cheek, you tell he was gone. The static fizzled away into still air and the feeling of eyes on your vanished as well. The book was still there though. You kept telling yourself to just throw it out but another part of you wanted to see just what kind of gift Alastor had left you.

You sniffled and ran the back of your hand over your eyes to clean away the tears. You pulled the book into view and read the note. At first you couldn’t believe it, but... Alastor had very... very... pretty handwriting. It was perfect and drawn with pen and ink well.

The note said:

I think I went about this all wrong, (Y/n). I should have given this to you in the beginning. I’m sincerely sorry. This used to belong to your former self. It’s your diary. To unlock it, you must use your blood. Just a pinprick should work. I hope this helps and answers the questions you’ve been looking for.

- A :)

Was this for real? And he had to just add the smiley face? Ugh... You rolled your eyes and looked over the book. It didn’t even have a lock on it, so why the hell was he talking about using your blood? When you opened up the book, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Every page was yellow and blank. Nothing was in the damn book! Was he just playing a sick joke on you?

There was only one way to find out. You flipped deep within the book and towards the middle. You took a kitchen knife from your silverware drawer. You cringed in pain as you pricked the tip of your finger and watched the blood pitter-patter onto the pages. Nothing happened at first and you were ready to burn the book and get some more herbs to make sure Alastor didn’t come back.

But after a minute or so your blood soaked into the page and words began to appear. The looked like they were written in gold. The ink was metallic and shiny. You brushed a finger over the words and felt the little rise and fall of the ink and space between each letter. It took a second for the page to fill with words. Okay... maybe he wasn’t lying and this was your past self’s diary. You went ahead and began reading the passage you had randomly opened up too.

1939, December 29th:

This castle I call my home is nothing but chains holding me down. I have spent the last... some 2,000 years at this post. I didn’t know that serving as the Gatekeeper of Hell was a “forever” kind of deal. I guess that's what you get for letting Lucifer be your boss. I wish every day that I could leave this castle. But soon again I will! The seventh year of my new sentence is coming up and I will be free to roam for another 365 days. Then for the next 6 years, I will be trapped in this castle again.

At least I have Alastor. This empty castle isn’t so empty with him around. He fills the hallways with songs and music, with smells of food I never knew existed. He makes me laugh, something I haven’t done in a long time. He makes me smile and when I cry he doesn’t run in fear like everyone else in my afterlife.

It’s been six years since I made that life-changing deal with an even bigger Devil than Lucifer. It’s been six years since Alastor manifested at the gates of Hell and offered me the salvation and freedom I craved. No, he wasn’t the deal maker. The spirit that was attached to his soul was. Eon. I sold what was left of my soul to him just so I could see the world again.

In just a few days I’ll be able to walk out of this castle and go where ever I want again. The first thing I’m doing is marry Alastor at the top of a pile of corpses that belong to every enemy I’ve ever made. I can’t wait to taste the blood and tears of them all. I will kill all of those fools who dared to call me a cry baby, to call me weak, to say my emotions meant nothing. Every time I shed a tear I turn into a monster and monster is what they will see. I will rip their heads from their necks. I will take their hearts and squeeze every drop of blood until there is nothing left. And I will do this with Alastor by my side, cheering me on as I finally get the justice and revenge I’ve so deserved.

The words started to fade slowly and disappear again. You couldn’t believe what you were looking at. Once the passage was finally gone and the pages were blank again... You slammed the book closed. This was a dangerous thing. A tempting thing.

It called to you like a song in the night. You could feel your entire soul reach out and try and open the book back up and read every word. Something about this book filled you with fear, curiosity and something else you couldn’t quite put together.

After several moments of fighting with your own thoughts, you decided that you’d read some more. You flipped the book back open. You choose a spot very close to the end and pricked your finger again. The blood splashed onto the page and soaked in much quicker than last time.

1996, February 4th:

Today I laid waste to another sector of Hell. When I came to my castle home, Alastor was waiting for me. I know I write about him to much, but he is everything that matters to me. This entire book could easily be mistaken for a stalker. Good thing I cursed it to never open for anyone, not even Alastor. I love him, but even I must keep my secrets too. That and I don’t want him to know how much I obsess over him.

For starters, it’s our anniversary. He always tells me, “I never wanted to get married! I never thought I would! Marriage was a waste of time in my opinion -Blah Blah Blah-” Same old stuff, then he’d leap into some musical number about how I changed that and how much he loves me and how happy he is to call me his wife. 56 years later and he’s still the same dork he’s always been. Sure, he likes to act tough, mean, scary and evil, but deep down inside that psychopath... is another even bigger and weirder psychopath. But that’s what I love about him. He’s such a strange creature. But I love him.

I love that stupid little tail of his that wags when he sees me or how he’d flip his tail all the way up as he danced around the room. I love that he chooses to sleep just because it’s a pastime I enjoy. Though he’ll always remind me, “You know, we don’t have to sleep, right?” Yeah, but I still liked to cling on to my humanity. And most of all... I love when he cries with me. It’s so hard for me to fight my black tears and to not let them stain my face. For so long, I never saw an emotion escape him. He even thought it was weak of me to be so emotional and we got into many arguments about it. However, he saw that it was just my nature to be like this. Now that we’ve spent 5 decades together, he shares all my emotions. The high and especially the lows. He’ll weep, shed tears, and tell me it’s okay. He’d kiss every single black tear away even when I turned into a monster... I have to remember though, I don’t turn into a monster. It’s just my natural demonic form that I suppress and hide and hold back. Alastor says he loves it more than the my... human look I take on. Maybe one day I’ll be strong enough to love myself the way he loves me.

I know... I know... I need to shut up about this man. But I can’t. He’s a person deep down inside. A messed up one, but still a person. He knows my pain, he’s seen my struggles. His life wasn’t much different from mine. We were both... innocent for so long until a darkness we couldn’t control grew from our pain and suffering. We joke about how we’d have gone to Heaven if only things were different... Is it bad for me to wish they were sometimes? What if we met when we were alive and still human? Would he still have become a cannibal? Would I still have committed suicide? If only we could have been there for each other sooner rather than later...

The words started to fade again just as you had finished the passage. This book... It was going to answer a lot of questions. You felt an unknown connection to it. You slowly closed the book, deciding that for you’d put it away for now. You weren’t going to throw it away either.

Something about the way your past self wrote about Alastor, about how much she loved him, it slowly changed your opinion of him. It got you thinking about how Alastor must have felt to have lost you. He spent 22 years searching for you, looking all over the planet and heaven above just so he could be with you again. It was romantic in a twisted way. You still couldn’t bring yourself to feel much for the demon other than anguish and pity. You felt sorry for him because you were not the same person. And you were beginning to learn that, yes, there were many things similar about you and your past self, such as your name and your looks, but you never had the same struggles.

You walked over to your bookshelf and squeezed the large leather book into a spot that barely fit. You had to get to your classes soon. You really didn’t have the energy to do anything and you were incredibly depressed. Your heart thumped loudly in your chest as you looked at the spine of the diary. You wanted to reach out and grab and keep reading and the thought of leaving it at home oddly upset you more. You knew you couldn’t bring it with you though. Not many people would be too pleased to see some girl cutting her finger dozens of times to read some magical book. You’d probably get thrown in some kind of crazy house.

So, with a sigh, you tore yourself away from the book’s gaze and grabbed your bag. As you got to the door, you took one look back at the book. You stood there for a second longer than you should have then turned and gone out the door.

_______________________________________________

1933, March 3rd:

I couldn’t believe it. He’s here. I never thought he’d make it here but he is and he’s wandering around the castle. Alastor had finally died. He didn’t even wander through purgatory. He manifested before my eyes just in front of the gates.

I already love him but I will not say that allowed or anywhere else in this book. I can’t help but love him because he is letting me make a deal with the deadliest deal maker to have ever wandered to this side of the planet.

Eon. A spirit not even from this world, universe or dimension. He’s from a world so distant and far from this one that we know very little about him, other than that people wall him The World Destroyer. Apparently, it’s Eon’s goal to consume every soul in every universe and dimension. Lucifer warned me that making a deal with this creature would end in horrible ways. It didn’t seem that it ended that bad for Alastor, seeing as he was the one who summoned Eon here and sold his soul for the chance at unlimited power in the afterlife.

None of that matters now. I’ve made up my mind. I want to leave this castle and I want the ability to control my afterlife and what happens to me. I must go, Alastor is waiting for me and I can not wait to leave this castle wage war against all of those fools who laughed at me, all over those Overlords who think they're better than me. Alastor just wants to kill and feed souls to Eon, he wants to create chaos and topple over those in power so he can make his mark among the legends.

I want revenge.

Your eyes were heavy, they even had little dark bags under them. You had spent the last three hours reading the diary. Your finger was a dark purple color and you felt light-headed. You sat in your living room at the edge of your couch.

Almost two weeks have passed now since Alastor disappeared and left you this book. There was nothing coming from him. Normally you could tell when he was hiding somewhere in a dark corner or in the shadows. You’d feel his static energy wave off him, but there was none of that. Nothing. Not a single haunting. Had he finally given up? You weren’t sure. You didn’t think so. You cleansed your home but Vanderlinde said that you’d have to do it every couple of days, which of course you didn’t. You completely forgot to do that the second Alastor left the book for you.

The book, however, was everything you may have asked for. You learned how Alastor had given everything to your past self. He loved you more than anything and you wrote about that often. He grew a rose garden around the castle your past self was trapped in every six years just so you’d smile. He murdered and tortured those who wronged you. He’d cook all of your favorite foods, even if they were mostly sugary pastries and candies, which you found out he hated. You learned so much about Alastor. He loved cooking, singing, dancing, making people smile and entertaining others to the point of laughter. He drank coffee every morning with you on a balcony overlooking the little empty Kingdom the two of you shared. He’d stand from the tallest tower and sing love songs to you while you worked at the Gates of Hell. He taught you to play the piano, how to better defeat your enemies, how to use Voodoo magic against the living and even the dead, he shared stories of his life and family and home, his dreams that never came true and his hopes that all but died until he met you.

You quickly learned that not every passage in the diary would show itself to you. You covered several pages with your blood but nothing ever happened. The only passages that would reveal themselves were the ones that mentioned Alastor. You weren't sure this was his doing or not because the book said that even Alastor couldn’t open it.

You were very dazed and confused, you lost a lot of blood in this process. One more passage, you told yourself, then I’ll stop. Suddenly there was a knock at your door. You almost jumped out of your skin, “It’s open,” you called, knowing exactly who it already was.

Sage kicked open the door and rushed in, “Where is he!?” She yelled as her eyes darted around the room, “Where is that talk show shit lord!?” She just got back from the hunt she was on. She texted you this morning that she’d be over as soon as possible

Maybe it was the lack of blood or the massive wave of depression that’s been with you for the last two weeks, but you couldn’t bother to get up from the couch. You just closed the heavy book and muttered, “He’s not here anymore,” Why did you sound so defeated when you said that?

Sage was a little stunned by your state, “Are you okay?” She closed the door behind her and came to sit next to you on the couch. She was your best friend, more so than you were with Vanderlinde. However, you felt some kind of betrayal that she never told you about this huge secret part of her life. Ya know, the whole demon hunter slash witch thing? Yeah, that kind of upset you.

“I’m fine. Just... a lot is going on right now,” You confessed, “Not so much the demon haunting my house thing. Alastor hasn’t shown up since Van and I cleansed this place. It’s more so... just life and shit,” It wasn’t a total lie. You were stressed about your father and still not having a job. Your bank account was starting to get dangerously low.

That’s when Sage noticed the book in your lap. She pointed to it, asking, “What’s that?”

“Just a diary I’ve been keeping,” Again, not a total lie, “Nothing cool,”

She didn’t say anything for a second and you wondered if she knew you were trying to cover up something. Eventually, Sage just shrugged and said, “Okay, well, I brought some stuff that might help you out if that dumb ass shows his stupid face again,” Sage took the backpack off her shoulders and set it down next to your feet, “There’s even a little guide book in there that I made for you. Basic magic stuff that anyone can do. Rituals, cleansings, crystals, herbs, blessed water, and bones. Pretty much everything you’ll need,”

“Thanks,” You mumbled as you pulled the bag closer to you. You didn’t think you’d need any of that stuff seeing as Alastor kind of gave up on bothering you. The first sign of a fight and he turns tail. From what the diary told you- that was very out of character for him. You had a feeling he’d be back but you weren’t sure when or for what, “Hey- actually, I have question,” You peered at your friend. There was something bubbling in your mind that you had been wondering about. You knew the internet wouldn’t have this answer so maybe your friend did.

She gave a small smile and said, “Okay, shoot,” She seemed more than happy to help.

“Um... Would you actually know how to... summon a demon?”

259 notes · View notes

just-some-random-blogger · 5 years ago

Text

December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo

Because i sure as hell am not

So in case youre wondering

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you

Prolly at midnight hi fam

Again i dont make the rules

Well just a btw Almost every

Christmas tradition is pagan

Like the tree

The wreath

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy

For not wanting to continue them on

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things

But you wanted none of that

Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo

Wonwoo doesn't mind

He thinks its cute

Because it is a cute date idea

Youtube tutorials

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all

Yeah

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded

You're glueing some popsicle sticks

He's water coloring some designs in

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser

It's all going great

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

"They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo."

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look.

For a moment u two dont speak

And then you both brust into laughter

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!"

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes

Your wolf drawing

"That's a wolf?"

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?"

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members

in personalized ugly sweaters

And placed them all over the place

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft

Its all very colorful

And crafty

And looking like a child made it

Then like an imbecile

U break into laughter

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom"

U end up roasting yourself

Making fun of your sloppy handwork

And wonwoo watches u

with adoring eyes

"I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper

You recive it from him and break into a smile

"Is this us?"

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world

And since he

And u u forgetful ass

Forgot to go shopping for presents

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip!

Hurrah!

But it was too eady for u two

Like wtf

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task

And shoping a day before Christmas

pshhhhhhh

Its a heartbeat

"Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins

You knit your brows deeply at his words

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring

So being the smarter one in the relationship

"Uh no??"

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas"

"???? Whyyyyy?"

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine"

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer

Tbh its super stressful

wtf

what kind of date is this

Only morons would do this wtf

Both of you got shoved constantly

There wasnt really much space to move around

And there wasnt really anything to choose from

But hey guess what

Seokmin found some really cool gifts

"Daheck did u get that shirt?"

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts

I mean theyre not bad

But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek

It was no contest.

Seokmin defo won

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow"

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???"

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho."

U roll ur eyes

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh"

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home"

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home"

Which he does

And when u get back

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck

And then forcefully turns u around

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek

"Merry christmas jagi"

Mingyu

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu

uh and super lucky like fu--

BUT TODAY

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree

Wow

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

and the sparkliest streamers

"I have a vision," u explain

Mingyu nods in understanding

U and him lift the tree into the living room

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up

Its all rly chill

You lot are chatting about whatever

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other

Yall shake ur butts

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are

Except hes holding it over his head

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there

So u step on his foot

And punch his stomach

And he bends down in reaction

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully

*instert pikachu meme here*

N then u get back towork

Or i mean take a break

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk

And then u get back to work

"ok nows for the star"

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther

with his longass arms

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it"

BOI

u suck in a breath

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL"

He give a face, "there are ways"

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!"

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on

And mingyu putz u down

"Okay that was stressful"

U punch him in the gut again

The8

Minghao is super tired

But super looking forward to spending time with u

So u defintely go on a date

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies

Set in december

that has like mistletoe kisses

And snow scenes

And also those holiday specials

For catroons

And non cartoons

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit

You pull out the laptop

And get on netflix

There's popcorn on

And hot tea

Or whatever the hell

Its all just very warm

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--"

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

U coo and let him obvi

taking unflattering pictures duh

But also cute ones because

#couplegoals

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though

You end up watching non christmas themed films too

Like toy story4

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt

U feel ur cheeks brun at that

but no he cant have that

"I thought i was always cute"

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly

U laugh at his reaction

"Of course you're always cute"

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter"

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter"

"Were u always this gross?"

Seungkwan

Okay

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member

i would first like to say i know

and that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas

and took u to a fancy restaurant

Ok ur welcome

But like even if it werent fancy

U'd still like it

cause holy guacamole

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss

LinDA

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u

so he stops mid conversations

just to take ur pic

Its kinda annoyig

but kinda cute

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

"No go on, im just talking ur picture"

Literally the bst hype man alive

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u

And will make u pose for aethetics

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee"

And then oml

Some moron tries to hit on u

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool

would he actually do it i mean

prolly Not

but then again he looked really mad

So u calm him down

and u go bzck home

And the cuddles

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

"Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

"Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress"

Vernon

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like

"Lets do a hot choco review"

And buys 897 types of hot choco

Or like ten

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much

So ur like okay i like hot choco

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf"

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco

and is chaotic

Idek how u could get injured

But hey

It wasnt even the hot water invovled

but the wrapping of the choco powder

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron"

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not"

Yall start reviewing anyway

*insert try guys eugenes voice*

Im rihght

Ur wong

Shut up

After trying the first onw

Ur like wow dis is good

the second was even better

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups

And that u made so

much

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco"

n vernon was like

????

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD"

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT

MIX THE REST IN

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

Shrug it off

and get a cup of the hot choco mix

"Tastes like corn"

"Bish dafaq"

Dino

Yikes

Chan is a dumb ho

and got himself sick at Christmas so

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas

and its just you and him staying at home

U personally dont mind

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is

So you stay home and take care of him

and all he can do is complain about everything

about the cold

his runny nose

The lack of taste of the food

His head ache

The fact his bed is hot

And that fact that u have to take care of him

And treat him like a baby

"I am not a baby"

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby"

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs"

You make him some hot cocoa

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again"

"Babybabybabybabybaby"

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu"

"Well das on u"

And then u end up going ona glaring contest

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes

"Who's the baby now, cry baby"

You snarl and pinch his side

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed

merry CHRISTMAS

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

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pyronado-moved · 5 years ago

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HEY ALEX :) hope itz alright bUT i wanna kno abt ur ocz if thtz ok!!!! aka basically *hands you a free pass 2 gush abt ur ocz* go wild. i wanna kno everything i can abt ur ocz bc im rlly interested !!!!!! :D

gasp tysm

this is an under the cut kinda thing bc i have... a lot to say abt my babies

okay so the main oc of this is carter and hes the anti-christ but hes actually super sweet and just a walking talking puppy with a heart of gold. he can do no wrong and i love him to death. he’s dedicated to loving his bf, his friends, and his mom and sometimes he dedicates himself to hating his dad.

then there’s his bf jackson who’s a sad boy until carter moves in w/ his mom who is jackson’s next door neighbor and they end up getting along rlly quickly and jackson is just suddenly ‘huh what if im worthy of love’ and suddenly he has friends and bf and hes baby

and carter’s friend serah is a half-angel who has 1 volume setting and its Loud As Fuck but thats okay. she’s a lowkey stereotypical dumb blonde but at the same time shes the only one of the group who knows the symbols for every element. she’s been dating brick for 6 years and has yet to even consider dating anyone else

and serah’s bff violet is just a normal human girl who’s head cheerleader and constantly angry. she pretends to not care abt a lot of things but she’s actually a total mother hen. she spends so much time around people in relationships that she starts hating them until she meets roga and suddenly decides love might not be That Bad Actually

vi’s twin brother and serah’s bf brick (aka chad but thats a dumb name so he goes by brick) is literally baby. he’s sick a lot so he lives his life to the fullest in any way possible. he worries abt his friends who constantly have to fight demons and monsters and shit but hes always ready to help no matter what.

carter’s bff and ex-boyfriend jae is an incubus with half a brain cell. he does not use it and is an idiot. he met violet and the two instantly decided that they would cause problems on purpose. hes basically the goose from that one game except gay. he and ara are stupid idiot bfs who are a whole ass foot apart in height and it only adds to the chaos. he dated carter for 1 whole month before they decided ‘nvm actually’ and went back to being best bros.

umm classic mean girls Paris, Trixie, and Chloe are there. Paris wants to use carter to summon the devil. trixie and chloe are just there bc theyve been friends since kindergarten and wanna make sure paris doesnt do anything super stupid. theyre all girls who support girls who want to summon the devil and thats rad.

AND THEN THERE WERE THE 7 DEADLY SINS WOW! They were hired to be the devil’s guardians but then they got bored of that so they fucked off to earth and tried to live normal lives until oops their ex-boss’ son is here now and they have to protect that ray of sunshine out of both spite and pity. they’re all basically siblings and stupid. also they dont meet carter and the gang until college years so like... all the ones up there are adults when they meet the guys down here to avoid any confusion.

Arazukiean is the sin of lust and he’s a siren. hes a trans king who met jae and decided that legally no one else could have him. all he does on earth is attend different colleges because he didnt register as a legal living human so now he just wanders around campus’ and sits in on diff classes. he doesnt rlly represent his sin bc he never even liked being a siren in the first damn place.

Panya is the sin of wrath and she’s a pheonix and I hate to love her but god i love her. shes not a good person and shes loud and seriously if i met her irl i’d deck her in the face. but at the same time she was the one who decided they should protect carter so like... +1 karma point i guess. she and mentu-ra knew each other b4 being hired by the devil so they’re rlly close

the sin of gluttony is Lilian. She’s an aswang but also she’s just soft baby. shes a total nerd and could probably beat jeopardy tbh. although she loves all 6 of her siblings, Ameera is her closest friend/sister and they do everything together.

Ammera is an al-mi'raj and the sin of sloth. shes actually not sleepy or lazy because she decided in order to keep herself from sleeping all day she chose to not sleep at all. shes an expert on all things video games and could probably beat you in mario kart with her eyes shut. on rainbow road.

The sin of greed is represented by local dragon idiot Roga who owns a big rich company but never participates in anything involving it. he just collects the money. hes a capitalist until he meets violet who is the only person who’s ever put him in his place. he instantly gave up being greedy for money to be a very protective boyfriend to this fiery cheerleader. they dont look like a good couple on the outside but they’re really actually soft as fuck

pride is taken by mentu-ra, a sphinx who ran for state governor in rhode island and actually won despite being a complete fumbling moron. hes a very bad politician and just kinda... exists. he hangs out mostly with roga but he keeps tabs w/ panya the most since she was the one who got him out of scrapes before they were hired as the devil’s guards.

aand then there’s elva, the sin of envy. shes a pixie who decided instead of being envious of others, she’d make them envious of her. she’s a part-time model, part-time olympic figure skater, part-time olympic gymnast. she loves the spotlight more than anything else in the world and shes very annoying but less annoying than panya so she’s got that going for her.

also i was gonna have angels as the 7 heavenly virtues but i only got around to creating penelope, the virtue of purity so she’s there. she doesnt take other people’s shit and is actually serah’s shoulder to lean on as everyone grows and starts to do their own things.

#alex ocs #i think abt vi and roga a lot #theyre soft #but yeah if u take anything away from this its that panya fuckin sucks but god shes fun to work with #might finish the virtues soon idk #uhhmm #religion tw #maybe? idk #idiotphobic

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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New Kid on the Block chapter 4 - Thehotinpsychotic

After the final bell rings, Matt is getting his things from his locker when he suddenly feels arms around him. “The fuck?”

“Surprise!” Matt immediately recognizes the voice as Danny’s and softens, grabbing onto one of the arms. He spins to face him, ending the hug.

“Ready to go?” Matt asks.

Danny nods.

“Well too bad, because we’re going to wait for Brian’s slow ass for a minute,” Matt says. “Rat bastard has gym eighth period and he likes to wait till all the guys leave to change. What a diva.” He slumps against the lockers until he’s sitting on the floor, patting the spot beside him and peering up at Danny expectantly.

Danny occupies the space, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder without warning. Matt’s caught off guard, and he finds himself blushing as he’s catching the faintest waft of Danny’s shampoo, some generic girly shit.

“How come he didn’t walk with you yesterday?” Danny asks.

Matt rolls his eyes. “The dumb whore had detention.”

Danny giggles, “I can tell you guys are good friends by the way you talk about each other. What’d he do to get detention?”

Matt shrugs. “Knowing Brian, some stupid unnecessary tomfoolery, for sure.”

“We really have a test tomorrow, huh?” Danny sighs.

Matt nearly chokes on nothing. “I beg your pardon? In history?!”

Laughing, Danny insists, “Yeah, we do! Maybe if you didn’t sleep through so much of the lesson you would’ve noticed.”

“Aw fuck, I hate history,” Matt whines. “I need to study and I haven’t even started.”

“I could study with you if you want,” Danny offers. “I’m like a really good study partner; I’m super organized.”

“Sure,” Matt agrees. “We can study at my house. I’ll drag Brian along too; he won’t want to, but he has to study. That or he’ll be sucking his way to a passing grade.” Matt blinks. “He’d probably like that, actually.”

“What’s up nerds?” Brian’s standing above them, gazing down at the pair with a grin. He notices Danny’s head resting comfortably on Matt’s shoulder. Repressing the flames licking at his stomach in response, he jokes, “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

“Shut up,” Matt scoffs, pushing himself to his feet. He offers his hands to Danny, who accepts and is pulled up quickly. The trio make their way home, Brian walking alongside the pair in the grass as he refuses to take the third wheel placement behind them on the sidewalk.

“We’re going to study for history, by the way,” Matt tells.

“Oh, um, no thank you,” Brian replies.

“I wasn’t asking,” Matt says flatly.

Brian pouts, whining, “But I don’t want to.”

“You know you’ll fail if you don’t,” Danny says.

Groaning dramatically, Brian begins, “Yeah, but…” he doesn’t finish that thought, finally sighing as he says, “Fine, you win.”

“Oh yeah, hot sidebar,” Matt mentions. “What did your stupid ass do to get detention the other day?”

Brian pauses, almost running a mental reel of all of the previous detentions he had received. “What, yesterday?”

Matt nods, promoting Brian to flap a hand as he says, “Oh, it was nothing. Some kid decided to get smart and… I lost my temper and hit him. He totally deserved it, though.”

Matt’s eyes double in size. “Wait, you hit somebody? But you’re as queen as it gets.”

Brian shrugs, admitting, “They really rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t regret it at all.”

“Well, what’d they say?” Danny asks.

Brian’s voice is low and steady as he admits, “Uh, someone called Matt a fag.” He picks at his fingernails, adding, “It was a bunch of bullshit; I couldn’t let him say that and just get away with it. It wouldn’t be right.”

Placing a hand over his chest, Matt mocks a choked up voice, asking, “Oh my god, we’re actually friends? You stood up for me?”

Brian bobs his head, retorting, “Well, duh. Like, you are a fag, don’t get me wrong, but only I can say that. And I’m also a fag, so it’s not homophobic, it’s like, reclaiming or whatever.”

Matt grabs Brian by either side of his face and kisses him on the lips. “Thank you for that.”

Looking taken aback, Brian jokes, “Um, I didn’t catch that. Kiss me again?”

At that, Matt pushes him lightly. “Whore.” The three finally make it to Matt’s doorstep, each abandoning their shoes inside the entryway. “We do Japanese style in this household,” Matt murmurs. He leads the pair to the kitchen, where he immediately scours the premises for snacks. Armed with soda, Cheez-Itz, and Oreos, the group ducks away into Matt’s bedroom, the three boys squishing onto Matt’s twin size mattress.

Opening the textbook, Danny mentions, “We have a study guide so we should probably try and get that done first. There’s three pages so I can do the first page, Matt you do the second, and Brian do the last page.”

“Ugh, I love it when you take charge like that,” Brian gushes. “I’m not used to seeing you so dominant.”

The innuendo flying over Danny’s head, he merely chirps, “Thanks.”

Brian rolls his eyes, nevertheless cracking open his own book and starting on the questions. The trio finish the study guide in a short amount of time, then taking time to go over the answers. The three then quiz each other until they’re all familiar with the material. Some hour and a half later, Matt sighs, “So, I don’t think I will fail. I would hate to jinx it, but I think I might get an A.”

“Cs get degrees,” Brian counters.

Suddenly, Matt’s brother is in the doorway, asking, “Hey, mom’s out late so we’re ordering pizza. What kind do you want?”

Matt looks at Brian, remembering his friend is vegetarian. “Cheese… yeah. Cheese.”

“What are you queers doing?” Jared asks, showing mild interest despite trying to play aloof.

“Studying for a history exam,” Brian says.

“Oh,” Jared replies. As Matt stands up to turn on the stereo, Jared taps him on the crotch. “Are you gonna fail this one, too?”

Clutching onto himself in pain, Matt replies, “Don’t think so. I also plan on graduating.”

Jared immediately grabs Matt by the neck, forcing his head down as he reaches for the waistband of his pants. He grabs onto Matt’s grey briefs and pulls hard, stretching the underwear halfway up his back before letting him go with a shove. “Faggot.”

Matt slams the door behind him, turning to face his two friends.

“I’ve never seen you this red,” Brian admits.

“Thanks for sticking up for me, guys,” Matt mumbles.

“Hey, I have unresolved trauma because of your brother. My ass cheeks still instinctively clench whenever I see him,” Brian says.

“What’s his problem?” Danny asks.

Tucking his underwear back into his jeans, Matt rolls his eyes as he explains, “He dropped out of high school. Fucking deadbeat.”

Nodding, Brian adds, “Kinda crazy to think that you’re the responsible one.”

Pulling his weed stash out from his closet, Matt says, “I know.” He withdraws his grinder, pulling out some papers and beginning to roll a joint. “Danny, do you smoke?”

“Hell yeah,” Danny replies. “Party.”

Licking the joint and then sealing it with a lighter, Matt starts it and takes a long drag. Exhaling as he passes it to Brian, he mutters, “My brother’s a fucking cunt.”

Brian takes a hit, slowly letting the smoke pour from his mouth as he agrees, “You know what, you’re right. You’re not obligated to love your family. Your brother is a fucking cunt. And you’re right to say so.”

Danny takes a pull once it’s passed to him, coughing lightly as he tells, “Shit like that is why I’m glad I’m an only child.”

“Amen,” Brian mumbles.

After the three smoke and eat, Matt decides to walk Danny home, Brian having headed off in his own path. As they walk down the dark street, Danny murmurs, “Sorry about your brother, by the way. He’s a fucking piece of work.”

#rpdr fanfiction #pearl liaison #adore delano #adore x pearl #high school au #new kid on the block #thehotinpsychotic #m/m au

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manifestoonmoralmanlove · 5 years ago

Text

Gormless Ch. 12 – Nothing quite pumps the breaks like lesbian sexual assault

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband. In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England. Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag. She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon. He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok. Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything. Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government. She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it. They are at her husband’s old pack castle about it. Are they hiding something????? There’s an active shooter in the castle no one cares about and LeFoux is unconscious because of it.

If the title didn’t give it away TW: sexual assault.

Chapter 12 – Nothing quite pumps the breaks like lesbian sexual assault

Okay so we start with a lot of needless explanation of who’s there for the mummy unwrapping party. Alexia’s real sad LeFoux can’t be there, cause she’s been shot and is just I PRESUME bleeding out in a high-back velvet chair right now.

Alexia describes the ceremony as being unnerving to her. The mummy’s wrappings have the broken Ankh symbol so the body is obviously the source of the humanization thing. Can we just get to that point?

We take a random detour for Alexia to explain that, despite the church employing Soulless people to fight Supernatural people, the church says that there’s no way for a Soulless to get to heaven. ….Are you fucking kidding me? Are we talking about the same church that used to sell get-out-of-hell free cards? They’re not going to throw some bullshit out there like, “Soulless can’t go to heaven….unlessssssssssss they fill out a Supernatrual murder card! It can be redeemed for a free salvation or small ice cream!” Have religious groups exploited groups they look down upon? Of course! But why didn’t they go the other way? Why are they not TOUCHED BY GOD hence why they can naturally purge the big evil Supernaturals? Cause persecution complex is why! WHY IS THIS EVEN HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS RACISM PARTY? IT’S NOT GOING TO BE RELEVANT IN THIS STORY AT ALL IS IT?

FUCK!

So Ivy and Felicity faint while watching this. Alexia talks more about how unnerved she is by the mummy and when she leaves the room Ivy is awake and she playing some downright epic tonsil hockey with Tunstell in front of everybody. This comes totally out of left field by the way, there’s no explanation for it like lol cpr or “I WAS SCARED SEEING YOU FAINTED! OH GOLLY I SURE DO LOVE THE HECKUMS OUT OF YOU.” But hell I guess we gotta wrap up this shitty plot point. Alexia, whomst, never has had an impure thought is about to chastise her for this when she hears her husband’s grunty grunts. But he’s taking a break from angry or horny grunts to grunt in pain so Alexia goes down to help. He’s been hit with a poison dart and is out cold.

Thank god his inane sexism shouting is put on hold.

When this is explained to the other werewolves one of them comments about how poison is a WOMANLY thing. Which makes no sense cause that’s how they tried to kill the queen. BTW bro, it seems by not having a high enough constitution roll, that makes your old alpha a fucking bitch then DON’T IT? Here’s a hot writing tip: Since this writing is smug and for women, can ONE OF THE TIMES we bring up a dude bro being sexist you can like OWN him? Instead of just rolling your eyes?

So Alexia does what anybody would do with her husband out of commission. Get a woman naked.

She first blames LeFoux for everything, threatens to kill her, and takes off all of an unconscious woman’s clothes in order to find ~useful gadgets~ and ~clues.~

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THIS CLUE HAS REVEALED TO US READERS!ALEXIA IS SO FUCKING DEEP IN THE CLOSET THAT ANYTHING GOING WRONG IS DUE TO THE PERSON GIVING HER GAY FEELS. SHE TAKES OUT THESE FEELINGS BY SEXUALLY ASSAULTING UNCONSCIOUS WOMEN! HOLY FUCK!

But it gets worse friends cause we gotta get commentary about how great LeFoux’s UNCONSCIOUS tits are but NOT AS GOOD AS ALEXIA’S! I’M NOT EVEN JOKING!

“It was odd to think, but she had never before seen another woman’s naked body until now. She must admit Madame Lefoux did have a rather nice one. Not so well endowed as Alexia’s own, of course, but trim and tidy with neat small breasts.”

THIS IS SURE THE QUEER REPRESENTATION I WANTED TO SEE!

So this made Alexia mad horny (even though she denies it), but worst of all its victim-blamed away when Alexia makes a note that LeFoux’s PULSE may have QUICKENED when she was stripping her. SO LIKE THAT’S CONSENT RIGHT?

And all this goes down for what? So Alexia makes a note that somebody MAY HAVE used LeFoux’s dart device to take out her shit husband? REALLY GLAD WE HAD THIS SCENE!

Oh yeah and Tunstell was in the room the entire time cause WE MIGHT AS FUCKING WELL AT THIS POINT!

Sooooooooooo

After my favorite scene in this series so far…Since it’s a man who’s been knocked unconscious we now have to take the loose attempted murderer seriously. Alexia grabs Maccon’s stashed away gun, and goes to get some nonsense out of the bag she put in Ivy’s room. Ivy wakes up (not knowing that Maccon has been attacked and the castle is in chaos-mode.) So she cries about how she really loves Tunstell and she’s still not sure what to do. Alexia blows her off and even calls her love struggles ~folderol.~

Which on one hand, sure she has other things on her mind, but she doesn’t tell Ivy, “Hey listen, that blows but my husband was attacked, the attacker is loose, and I just discovered I’m a sexual predator…but like the gay kind so that sucks.” So Ivy gets upset with her flippant attitude, in my opinion, reasonably, and Alexia waltz outta there. She remembers her papers where actually in her umbrella not her bag. Also the papers were like her ~official~ I’m a government snoop, let me do whatever I want papers. She flashes them to the werewolves and they’re like, “…Okay?” and nothing changes.

So the point of the last scene? And then it gets proper muddled here and I’m surprised an editor didn’t pick up on this nonsense.

She gives Tunstell the gun, and tells him to send an aethogram. He asks to whom and Alexia just screams at him to do it.

OKAY THEN!

She tells the werewolf pack to not go into the room where Maccon and LeFoux are and says that Tunstell will totally kill you if you try. Uhh okay? Not sure what that’s accomplishing? Also isn’t he supposed to be sending that gram? Cause that machine is explicitly not in that room. She tells the werewolves to gather all their Egyptian artifacts into one room while she’s gone. She then goes up to send that gram and forgets she told Tunstell to do it I suppose?

She finds all the crystalline what-itz smashed up with an unconscious servant there. WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD IF YOU CHECKED BEFORE BUT I GUESS THAT’S FINE! But she hid away Akeldama’s frequency so she’s able to send a message to Akeldama about doing the research she SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE 2ND CHAPTER. Akeldama says that Soulless need to be cremated and basically sends her the symbol of the broken ankh. She asked him if he knew anything several chapters ago and he didn’t but within a half hour he pinpointed the exact information she needed. Okay cool, cool, makes a load of sense.

So after Alexia talks the death out of it with Sidheag, she realizes that the mummy was a dead soulless. And, if dead and persevered, will emit a humanization aura. The broken Ankh is a symbol of a soulless, cause an Ankh symbolizes eternal life and it being broken means a soulless can break eternal life blah blah blah. And like boy howdy, I’m so glad that the drama of this story is predicated on the fact that NOBODY even centuries old vampires and the members of the minority in question knows jackshit about the basics of the world around them. Every supernatural knows the identity of every soulless, but nobody knows that you gotta burn their dead bodies? SEEMS LEGIT!

So somebody tells them that LeFoux has woken up and Alexia tells Sidheag to tell no one about the soulless body. I mean…maybe she should have told her to burn the corpse so they can all have their powers back but that would mean that her husband would wake up. And her husband must not wake up to find her sexually assaulting another woman. The scandellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Ugh!

Say something nice Faps:

I got fucking nothing for you.

#gormless #changless #soulless

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meredith-alexandra-jane-blog · 7 years ago

Text

My Immortal: Beauty and the Beast Version- Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Summary:

More insanity ensues, prepz and byythches!

AN: Stop flaming! if u flam it menz u a prep or a poser! Da only reason the Beast swor is cuz he had a hedache ok on top of dat he was mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im not updating umtil I get 5 good revoiws!

The Beast made Gaston and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Gaston comforted me. When we went back to the castle the Beast took us to a clock named Cogsworth and a teapot named Mrs. Potts both who were both looking very angry.

"They were having homosexual relations in MY FOREST!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Clocksworth.

"How dare you?" demanded Mrs. Teapot. "In front of the children?" She covered her teacup grandson's eyes. (sorry, her son)

And then Gaston shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. The Beast and Mrs. Teapot looked mad but Clocksworth said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up and find rooms."

We went in and a sexxy candleabrum named Loomiere yelled out to us. "BE OUR GUEST!"

"Gaston, have you considered the idea that this castle may be goffik and haunted?" I asked him.

"Don't lose your nerve, LeFou. Can't you see that it is, mon amour? It is as beautiful and goffik as ME." Gaston said.

And my boyfriend was right! The castle was dark and goffik! And so romantic because Gaston was there with me.

We went upstairs while the talking objects glared at us.

"Are you okay, LeFou?"

"Yeah. I guess," I lied. I went to a fancy bedroom and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a long, black, frock coat 1700's style with red lace all around it and black high heel boots to make me look taller. When I came out...

Gaston was standing in front of the bathroom, and he was singing 'I just wanna live' by Gentille Charlotte. I was so flattered. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said good night and he reluctantly went back to his room.

AN: shjt up prepz ok? PS I wnot update ubtil u gibe me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in the fancy castle bedroom. I put on black breeches that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all around it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray painted my hair with purple.

(Madame de Goffik Garderobe the famous singer lived here and she helped me get all these kewl accessories! Stanley u jealous huh?)

In the great hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk-

(AN: NO, I won't- I can't do that to LeFou! I love my gay son. I will not have him drinking this much blood.)

I had milk with cereal and a glass of more milk to help me grow tall and strong like Gaston. Suddenly someone bumped into me. And all the milk spilled over my top.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily.

I regretted saying it when I looked up because I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with long blonde hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He was wearing red contact lenses just like Gaston's. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Dan Stevens. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only-yeah I'm a man so maybe I did, shuddup that's private you sicko.

"I'm so sorry," he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Prince Adam, though most call me Beast these days," he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

He looked nervous for a second, then I think he started to make up a lie. I'm not a fool. He may, in fact, be that Beast who invited us here and he transforms back and forth, but let's just pretend I'm stupid and I don't know.

"Because I like the taste of Vampire blood." he giggled.

"Well I am a werewolf." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I howled. Then, Adam growled sexily.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Gaston came up behind me and said he had a surprise for me and so I went away with him.

Gaston and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs.

I waved to Beasty. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Gaston. Anyway I went upstairs excitedly with Gaston. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...

We started frenching passively (because we're Frenchmen, u dumb preps!) and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took off my breeches. I took off my black leather top and he took off his tight breeches. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in (censored) and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh, Gaston, Gaston!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Gaston's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words...Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Gaston pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you frcking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then I stomped out. Gaston ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Beasty's classroom where he was having a lesson with Clocksworth and some other people.

"BEASTY ADAM, YOU MOTHERFCKER!" I yelled.

AN: stop flassing ok? if u do den ur a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Gaston came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"LeFou, it's not what you think!" Gaston screamed sadly.

My friend, B'loody Beauty Belle, smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic brown-with-red-streaks hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born-

(wait- I meant Belle not Hermione! They both look like Emma Watson so dont judg me 4 beeing confuzzed u dum prepz!)

Her real parents are vampires, but Voldebeast (who is the Undead Father of Beasty) killed her mother by causing her to have the same disease his wife (Adam's Maman) died of.

She still has nightmares about her mother dying when she was a baby and she is very haunted and depressed.

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Clocksworth demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Beasty, I can't believe you cheated on me with Gaston!" I shouted at him. Everyone gasped.

B'loody Belle started to cry tears of blood and despair, because Beasty is her boyfriend.

{GASTON'S POV:} "I don't know why LeFou was so mad at me. I had went out with Beasty for a while (he's bi in case you haven't figured that out) but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Belle when she was a stupid preppy fcker before she turned kewl and goffik and became known as B'loody Beauty Belle. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was extremely gothic because he kept transforming back and forth between a hairy Beasty and that preppy fcker Prince Adam. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)" {END OF GASTON'S POV, BACK TO LEFOU'S}

"But I'm not going out with Gaston anymore!" said Beasty.

"Yeah, fcking right!" Fck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into Beasty's wolf-infested forest where I lost my virility to Gaston and then I started to bust into tears.

AN: Stop flaming ok! I dntn wach da hole Disney movie! itz nut my folt if the Beast swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson clock doesn't lik adam is coz he's christian and beasty is a setanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Gaston for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Gaston.

Then, all of a suddenly, an horrible Beast (not Beasty cuz he's all cute and furry) with red eyes and no nose started flying towards me! He didn't have a nose (basicaly like Voldebeast in the movie-oh wait we hardly saw Adam's evil father 'cept in a song flashback can't remember if he had a nose then but this is what he transformed into after his Death as an Undead, u preps!) He had all black fur but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was...Voldebeast!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldebeast shouted "Impérieux!" and I couldn't run away.

"Courbé-Shanks!" I shouted at him. Voldebeast fell off his flying candlestick and started to scream. I felt bad for him (because I'm LeFou and I have a heart) so I stopped.

"LeFou." he yelled. "Thou must kill Beasty Adam!"

I thought about Beasty with his sexah blue eyes and his gothic blonde with red-streaks hair and how his face looks like Dan Stevens. I remembered that Gaston had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Gaston went out with Beasty before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Voldebeast!" I shouted back.

Voldebeast gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. "I don't know how to shoot a gun! Gaston is the best hunter! He never misses a shot, I'm merely his hunting assistant, you see!"

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Gaston!"

Mon Dieu! I hated myself for mentioning Gaston. I can't help it. I talk about him all the time because I love him and I can't go an hour without saying his name.

I wanted to cry more depressed tears in front of this monster, but I am not weak. I'm frcking LeFou! I showed him my sassy side by sticking out my middle finger and flipping him the bird.

"It's never gonna happen! Besides, I could probably assume that he's sneaking up on you right this moment. Most likely, he is aiming for your LIVER!" I exclaimed bravely.

Voldebeast got a dude-ur-so-pathetic look on his face. (It was exactly like the face his son Adam made in the movie when he saw the old hag Agathe in the castle.) "If you doth not kill Beasty, then thou know what will happen to Gaston!" he shouted. Then he flew away angry on his flying candlestick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Gaston came into the woods. (I was right. He was aiming for his liver, but the monster flew away too fast.)

"Gaston!" I said. "You almost got him!" I said, to bolster his ego.

"Hi!" he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner and looked kind of like a pentagram (geddit?) between Dan Stevens in the movie and Luke Evans.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me," I expelled.

That's okay, he said all depressed and we went back to his school called Porc-Verrues, making out.

#gafou #batb/harry potter crossover #my immortal #parody fanfic

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