#or imagine him talking about it subtly with Nancy and her being like no way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oboevallis · 3 years

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hey! First, happy new year, I wish you all the best, second. Can you write one about Amelia going to New York and she goes see her mom or one of her sisters and that person doesn’t know about scout but she notices that Amelia is different and her body too and tells that to Amelia and eventually they end up talking about her pregnancy and scout? Thank you

mending relationships

happy new year!!! i hope this year treats you well!! i kind of read this prompt wrong, sorry about that i hope you enjoy it nonetheless. i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe!!

“Amy?!” Amelia silently cursed herself, she should’ve made sure none of her sisters would be at this conference.

“Nancy! It’s so good to see you.” Amelia forcefully smiled once she turned around.

“You too. You know I haven’t heard from you since I’ve last seen you.”

“Hmm. It has been awhile.” Amelia hummed, trying to gain the energy to be civil. “I’ve never seen you at one of these alternative pain relief conferences.”

“Oh, well. I needed to get to a couple of more conferences in before the end of the year, and I thought this would be a good option.”

“Well I’ll probably see you around.” Amelia said awkwardly backing away.

“Yes. I’ll call you and we can make plans while we’re in town.” Nancy smiled squeezing her sisters upper arm before walking away.

________________________________________

“You’ll never guess who’s here.” Amelia dramatically sighed into her phone.

“If you say Dr Lavorn I’m going go be so jealous.” Link responded, he had planned to accompany his girlfriend but he had gotten the flu.

“No my sister.” The neurosurgeons voice broke.

“Oh, don’t cry.” Link pleaded he hated to see his girlfriend cry, especially when he wasn’t there to comfort her.

“I can’t control it. Hormones.” Amelia cried into her phone flopping down on the hotel bed.

“I’m sorry.”

“You better be, your the one who impregnated me and insisted I come to this conference.”

“Which sister is it?”

“Nancy.”

“Oh she wasn’t that bad, I’m sure you’ll be fine. I mean you probably won’t really see her again.”

“Oh no, I will be seeing her again.” Amelia looked down at her watch. “In thirty minutes for dinner.”

“Now why would you agree to that?” Link chuckled.

“I don’t know. She has this way about her.”

“You’ll be fine. Are you gonna tell her about the pregnancy?”

“No, I’m barely showing yet. I’m going to try and not engage in conversation about my personal life as much as possible. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling much better, I’ll probably go into work tomorrow.”

“Okay, that’s good.” Amelia relaxed a bit, she had been nervous to leave her boyfriend while he was sick. “Well I have to go, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

_______________________________________

“So mom told me before you left New York, you guys had the opportunity to talk. She misses you, you should call her every once in awhile.”

“Hmm, I probably should.” The neurosurgeon was trying her hardest to keep her composure.

“Also Lizzie, she’s been trying to get all of us together for awhile now. She says she tries to call you sometimes and you never answer. I know she was disappointed she couldn’t come to dinner that night.”

“I’ll have to call her back then.” Amelia forcefully smiled.

“You should’ve done it anyway shouldn’t have to take me telling you too.” Amelia simply hummed in response, she wasn’t sure how much more she could take from her sister.

After a tense dinner between the two, Nancy suggested that they go across the street to get ice cream. As much as Amelia didn’t want to spend more time with her sister chocolate ice cream had been one of her most recent cravings. The two then went to sit outside in awkward silence until Nancy spoke up.

“I think the last time I was in Boston was when we were moving you into your dorm.”

“I haven’t been here in awhile either. The last time was probably before I moved out to LA.”

“Want to know something I find strange?” Nancy asked turning so she was looking her sister in the eyes.

“Umm, what?” Amelia asked slightly confused by the change in her sisters demeanor.

“That your eating chocolate ice cream. As a kid you always hated it.”

“Oookay?” Amelia chuckled nervously. “Whens the last time we had ice cream together? When we were in middle school? People change.”

“Can you just admit that your pregnant?” Nancy had been subtly trying to get her sister to admit it all night, but with no avail.

“I don’t know why I thought I was going to be able to hide it from you of all people.”

“Soooo, who’s the father?”

“Why is that your first question?”

“Is it the guy you brought over that night.” Amelia nodded in agreement whilst smiling. “He stayed with you after the New York fiasco?”

“Yeah, he did I still don’t know why. He’s really great.” An uncontrollable grin was plastered on her face, she loved her boyfriend an inexplicable amount.

“When are you due?”

“In the spring.”

“Your OB didn’t give you an exact date?” Nancy chuckled until she saw her sisters face. “Please don’t tell me you haven’t had a prenatal appointment...Amy!”

“I’ve just been busy.”

“You need to get one.”

“I’m not stupid, Nancy. I know I need one.”

“Well your acting stupid.”

“What else is new?” Amelia scoffed. The two sat in silence before they walked back to the hotel the conference was being held at. As they went up in the elevator it looked like Nancy had wanted to say something. The doors opened allowing Amelia off at her stop, but Nancy stopped the doors before they closed.

“Can I come to your room and sit with you?” Nancy sheepishly asked.

“Why? So you can tell me how horrible of a mother I already am?”

“No I just want to spend time with you.”

“Fine.” The neurosurgeon sighed she knew this probably wasn’t the best idea, but decided to go with it nonetheless. Nancy followed Amelia into her room and sat on the bed while her sister got ready for the night.

“Are you okay?” Amelia asked as she pulled her shirt on noticing the tears in her sisters eyes.

“Connery tore his ACL in lacrosse, and he needed surgery. He got pain killers after surgery, and it’s my own fault I watched you go through addiction. I knew the signs but he was in so much pain.” Nancy stifled a sob covering her face with her hands.

Amelia stood there in somewhat of shock, she couldn’t remember the last time she saw her sister cry if ever. She walked over to the bed and sat beside her and took her hand in hers.

“He took my prescription pad. I sent him to rehab and when he came back he just slipped into his bad habits.”

“He needs to want to get sober. It’s not going to happen just because you want him to be sober, he has to want it for himself.” Amelia laid back on the bed her sister following. “Does Mom know?”

“No, and she’s not going to.”

“She could help you.”

“Yeah because she did such a great job keeping you sober.” Nancy bit back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay.” The younger sister whispered, squeezing her sisters hand. “You should really talk to mom though. She’s not gonna be disappointed in you.”

“I wish I could go back to when I was pregnant the first time. Everything seemed so easy then.” Amelia simply nodded trying not to cry, since the news of her pregnancy she’d been feeling a lot of guilt regarding her last pregnancy. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” The neurosurgeon forcefully smiled wiping her tears away.

“What’s wrong Amy?” Nancy turned off her back so she was facing her sister.

“Nothing.” The littlest Shepherds voice breaking.

“Is this not your first pregnancy?”

“Remember around the time of the plane crash Derek was in. And he had that intern call of us for a nerve donation?”

“I remember, Lizzie said that the intern said you hung up on her.”

“Yeah, I did. First off Derek should’ve called us himself.” Nancy nodded in agreement. “Umm, I was pregnant. My baby had anencephaly.”

“Oh Amy.” Nancy sat up pulling her sister into a hug. The two had never really been close, but Nancy was a mother herself and couldn’t imagine that her baby sister had gone through this. She’d seen a case of anencephaly before and she didn’t know how the mother moved on, she didn’t know how any mother moved on after the fatality of their child. “Why didn’t you call us?”

“I shut everyone out. Even Addison, God I was so mad at her. It wasn’t her fault she was just the messenger.”

“Amelia, what happened to your baby happening again is a one in a million chance. You need to get checked and make sure everything is okay, you know that.”

“I know.”

“Does Link know?”

“Yeah, I told him about it.”

“That’s good.” The older sister nodded and sat there with her sister before she spoke up again. “I can do the scan if you want me to. You already hate me so if it’s bad you can just hate me more.”

“I don’t hate you.” Amelia confessed wiping away a stray tear “and I’d really appreciate that.”

“Mom will be excited. It’s been awhile since the family’s had a new baby.”

“Yeah, she will. Just don’t say anything before we know everything’s okay.”

“I won’t.” Nancy smiled.

“With Connery just take him to meetings, don’t enable him, show him alternative pain relief methods, and just let him know you love him and want him to get sober.”

“Little sisters aren’t supposed to give their big sisters advice.”

“Hey, you were the one who came in here. You wanted my advice because I’m the family’s junkie.”

“Precisely.” Amelia shoved her sister in response.

“Your such a jerk.”

“Someone’s gotta keep you in line.” Nancy smirked at her little sister. She was grateful they were slowly but surely mending their relationship.

#amelia shepherd #amelink #baby amelink #greys anatomy #greysanatomy #greys fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic #Nancy shepherd

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alias-b · 4 years

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sins of my youth. 007

Billy Hargrove x OC! Evie Fenny~ Also posted to my AO3

Summary: It was common knowledge that Billy Hargrove hated Hawkins. Hated Cherry Lane. Even loathed the strange girl next door. Evie Fenny wasn’t too fond of the chaotic Cali transfer either. An awful high school tradition sparks a chain of events that changes everything, ultimately bringing two frayed souls together.

A/N: New Year and school is back in session after winter break. Billy starts the grovelling process and observes some new things about Evie. TW: PICA-it's worse. Vomiting. Animal death mention. Student/Teacher relationship in the background. School bullies. Taglist open!!!

Chapter 7: One Bad Kiss Constellation

The first day back to school was uglier than Evie pictured. Fall of snow didn't get them out of classes.

Her stomach was already in knots, but that could have been the shiny things she’d eaten the night before.

Felt like a game. What would pass. What would tie her stomach up. These little trinkets she actually dug for, cleaned with bleach, and stacked on that empty shelf. Organized each item. Admired her display of will and control. Mostly keys and buttons. Couple nuts from a toolbox in their garage.

So far, everything came out. So far. Evie wondered what her insides would look like and tried to slow. Tried despite all the noise.

Calculus was first. Thankfully, she shared it with Heather who was all smiles. Chattering about her surprise mini trip with her parents.

They had it with Tommy and Carol too. All the fucking grins and looks Evie got burned. Tommy peering then shifting to Carol’s ear so she could giggle.

Evie’s pencil snapped within her fist so Heather glanced aside to see the pieces roll away.

“Okay, muscles.” She chuckled, passing a freshly sharpened one over.

“Thanks.”

“So, what’d you do for New Years?” All the scratching of lead on paper was driving Evie insane. Grating like an out of tune orchestra of vibrating strings.

“Just some lame party, the usual.” Evie was rubbing the back of her neck. Eyes glued to the page.

Carol giggled again. Fingernails sunk into the skin of Evie's hairline.

“Don’t know what her problem is.” Heather remarked to herself.

Evie shook her head. Lips pressing with no sound. Trying to focus on the problems along the page and not the ones fizzling in her life. Her desk was pressed into the far right wall next to all the campy posters teachers loved to decorate their rooms in.

About how there's always a silver lining and chase the morning.

Evie rolled her eyes at the thought. Caught sight of a sleek thumbtack there sticking out. Shiny and chrome. Lungs pulsed and she wondered about the weight on her tongue.

Strange how her mouth watered for it.

Two fingers subtly snatched it from the wall when the bell rang.

Second period was usually what she was excited about. English with Bowers and the sly smiles they beamed at each other across the room. Carol always looked between them. Jealous she wasn’t the hot teacher’s pet. She noticed a great deal there.

Evie shared the class with Steve also. And Billy who sat in the next row over just behind her. He stared at Evie, trying to read every twitch and shift of her body. A note hit her desk from Steve.

Brown eyes peered up as if to ask who it was being passed to, but he cocked his chin at her.

Fredrick sat quietly at his desk as they worked separately today. He didn’t see her unfold it.

What’s up with Hargrove? Looks like he’s trying to vaporize you with his laser eyes.

Evie hitched to stop herself from laughing at a picture with a stick figure and a mullet. Lasers blasting out of the eyes. She added some comically large muscles. Cleared her throat and wrote back.

He’s a creep.

Steve quirked a darling smile at her.

Billy saw a flash of stark, bloody red. Harrington made her grin without force.

“Okay, class, let’s see who read the material. Pass your papers up.” Fredrick stood to collect. “I’ll be reading these tonight and- Ah, Mr. Hargrove. Thank you for the scribbling of your Camaro. I hope the essay question is as detailed.”

“Been thinking about upgrading my girl, sir. Say, what do you drive?” Billy tapped his pencil, lazy as can be. “Cool guy, I bet.”

“Just a Plymouth. We muscle cars have to stick together.” Fredrick was pulling stacks of papers from the front. Billy didn’t drop it.

“That orange one? Yeah. I’ve seen it around.” Blue eyes drew to Evie at that. She felt a chill and peered back with a stony expression. “Bet the girlies all line up.”

A few classmates chuckled for their glorious king.

“It gets me from point A to B. That’s all I ask for.” Bowers only laughed.

"I'm sure it does." Billy mused coolly, fingers twisting his ring which caught the light.

The bell blared.

“Alright, class. We’re starting a new unit tomorrow. I hope you all have your Shakespeare hats ready.”

A collective groan sounded.

Evie rushed out to Yearbook with Jonathan, Nancy, and Heather. Only class she had where Seniors and Juniors mixed. Besides lunch if that counted. Got lost in dark rooms so the world couldn’t see her hands shaking.

"Here." Jonathan caught her trying to clip some photos up, fumbling with a stack.

"Thanks," Evie sighed, "too many pages for our losing sports teams, right?"

He chuckled at that.

"My thoughts exactly."

Jonathan went to help Nancy order some drafted pages when Heather crossed over. Eyes on Evie working.

"Something the matter?"

"Bourbon's not doing well. I expected it, but...he's just been with me through all of it. You know?" A frown etched. She didn't want to cry. Heather paused to hug Evie from behind.

"He's our little prince still. I'm sorry."

Her friend shifted out, pressed a smile and went back to work in silence. Groaned because Billy was in half these basketball photos. Alight and intense.

“Hey, I’m going to the library for lunch.” Evie spoke after that bell rang. “I’ll scarf my sandwich on the way.”

Heather observed her again. Watched how Evie avoided her eyes.

“Was...something else going on? I feel like I-”

“No, just missing the break.” Evie flashed her teeth to make it convincing.

She did manage to get half the sandwich down and tossed the rest out. Patted cold water on her cheeks once she was alone in the bathroom as everyone went to lunch. The hallway got quieter and Evie looked at her flushed face. Shuddered and reached for the pin in her pocket. Small. Deft. Dainty.

Stark point. Catching the light.

She washed it with soap. Opened her mouth to stick her tongue out. Cradled it there. Chrome and out of place against pink flesh. Lips closed. The point pressed down into her tongue. Evie winced. Tried to swallow and choked it back into her hand. Saliva dripping.

A spot of red welled. Loud and obscene and horrible. Tasting metal. Shame. Tears pooled.

So she pushed it back in like she’d done with the key to drown the noise out. Evie Fenny wasn’t a fucking quitter.

Swallow. Swallow. Swallow.

It scratched going down. Working around clenching muscles. Pangs fluttered. Fingers grasped the sink to bite a groan back.

Evie thought she heard the little plink of it hitting her stomach. Gasped to breathe. There wasn’t shame anymore, only pride. She powered through it. Had utter control.

Eyes locked with the mirror. Calm. Collected. Not in this body. Rust turned to sweet strawberries and rose petals.

Imagine stabbing something several times until it was beautiful.

Exhale.

** ** **

Carol and her gaggle still kept the laughter up in the cafeteria. She sat upon the table with Tommy next to her. Animated stories kept them hanging upon dripping syllables. Heather couldn’t stand it anymore. Pushed up to cross right over.

“What’s your problem today?” She cocked her hip.

“Oooh.” Carol clicked her glittery nails on the table. “So touchy, sweet pea.”

“What’s your problem with Evie, she didn’t do anything to you?”

“Other than her being a tart for Bowers. Nothing to me. In fact, she provides us with hours of entertainment. Had a hot date with the Keg King.” Carol nodded toward Billy across the way, sitting alone and clicking his lighter. Annoyed, he got up and went to sneak his usual lunch smoke.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Uh, isn’t Fenny your BFF?” Tina chimed in. “Shouldn’t you know?”

“Aw, that’s so cute, she didn’t tell you.” Tommy added with his crooked smile. “Must be so embarrassed. Poor girl.”

“You have five seconds-”

“I’m gonna tell you.” Carol decided. Finger curling to bring Heather in. “Only because it’s just too good.”

** ** **

Billy got one puff in before Princess Heather Holloway was smacking the cigarette from his fingers. Snarling and bright red to match the cute bow in her hair.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself, what the fuck?” She pushed Billy clear into the brick wall. Chilled him more than the breeze. A new flutter of snow began to fall with no peace in sight. Her face was flushed cherry with anger. “I know about your little Skirt Safari bullshit! You tricked Evie! You hurt my friend...you’re an asshole.”

Billy just sagged at her. Reached to pluck up his cigarette and got it slapped again. Heather crushed it with her expensive shoe for good measure.

“You had no right to do something so disgusting! Carol and Tommy filled me in.”

His brow lifted.

“...Evie didn’t tell you?”

“The last thing Evie wants is for people to see her in pain, so I know you hurt her bad.” Her arms crossed. “Well?” A cold breath puffed.

“It wasn’t supposed to-”

“You mean, she wasn’t supposed to find out about the bet. You’re so selfish. You’re a selfish little prick. Stay the hell away from my friend.”

She turned and a hand snatched her wrist.

“Heath-”

“What?” She shrugged with some extra ire. Eyes flickering like flames. “I think you’ve done enough.”

Billy let her go, looked elsewhere. No syllables to make her stop fuming. Heather huffed at him and marched back inside to find Evie at her locker. Shoulders dropped.

“Hey…” Heather’s slow approach still gave Evie a fright. Huge doe eyes looking far too somber.

A sigh.

“Who told you?”

“Carol and those jerks.” Heather pressed her lips. “Just scared Hargrove shitless, I think. I’m sorry, I wish you told me. You said you'd tell me things.”

“This thing... It doesn’t matter. He tricked me, whatever.” Evie’s arms went out then dropped. She faced her locker. Toyed with the handle and pressed her book closer. “It was all stupid. For a moment, I thought he… I thought a boy might-”

“He’s a little prick.” Heather turned her friend around.

“We had fun. We danced. I kissed him first. Did Carol tell you that part?” Evie sucked in some air.

"Oh?"

“Yeah, I kissed him and I was going to screw him too. I was gonna go to a motel with Billy Hargrove for New Years and, you know, I...I wanted to. I really wanted him... But, it doesn’t matter. They can talk about it all they like.” She moved to go, slamming her locker shut. “I don’t care. It won’t bother me. It's stupid. All of it.”

“Evie, don’t shut down, please.”

“I’m fine.” Sneakers skidded when Heather stepped in front of her. "Boys like Billy Hargrove don't go for girls like me. He doesn't want me. That's not news."

Evie remembered all the hot bodies jumping around. The crowds and fireworks blasting along with a musical beat. Moments where she'd felt incandescently delighted next to Billy and the lingering of their starry eyes. Like they'd been meant to find each other all this time.

"Getting mad about this is the same as being upset about the pattern of stars. It's pointless." Evie swallowed a thicker lump down.

No, that's what ached. Billy made her believe they could be rewritten. Made her want to defy the stars.

“Let’s hang out this weekend. A no boys party for both of us.” Heather smiled, taking Evie's hand. “He’s not even a boy, Eve, he’s a little prick. Let’s just have some fun. Friday? Sleepover. You pick the first movie.”

“I’m fine, Heath,” the words sounded funny now, “but okay. Sleepover.”

“Good.” A brighter smile crossed so Evie matched it. She let Heather hug her and managed to make it through classes all the way to her free period avoiding Billy’s eyes on her skull. Sneaking out was an art form she’d perfected. Quick steps to her locker and toward the door. Stopping only to see into the theater when stage lights turned rose red.

Evie peeked in. Beamed.

“Mr. B.” She shuffled inside after checking the hallway. "Fredrick."

“I’m alone, Evie, come sit with me.” He patted the table next to the lightboard he was working on. The glow changed to a softer pink. Made it all less menacing. Bathed in blush, she crossed the illumination and scooted up onto the cool surface. Skirt shifting over black tights. “Bad day?”

“Bad start to the year.”

"Classmates? I can always fail them for you." He'd joked.

She smiled, head shaking so he continued.

“They’re intimidated by you, Evie, because you’re too ahead and mature for them. Soon, you'll be out in the world and they'll be left stumbling.” He peeked up behind a pair of glasses. This was old times. Encouragement. Nurturing. “Much like the director of the winter show who asked me to fix this damn thing last minute.”

She giggled then, touching her lips.

“You look pretty in this light. You should wear pink more often, instead of red.” He remarked and she crossed her ankles. Hands gripping the edge.

“Red makes me look and feel older.” Evie asserted herself.

“What about that wet gloss you used to wear in class?” His finger brushed her knee before he was picking up a screwdriver.

“Thought you didn’t like to kiss me with gloss on, you said it was too sticky.”

“I appreciate it more now that I’ve lost it. Just like you, Evie. You were there for me. It's something special to have a person. Don't you think?” He winked. Fredrick Bowers made her laugh and smile. Listened to her and gave back. Most days.

All she longed for was to impress him. Please him. Be enough for someone.

"It's not fair that I cannot kiss you here." He uttered. "Now. I'd like to."

"Just kiss me?" Evie flicked some curls, drew her fingers across her collar so he fixated there.

Played this version of herself that came out around him. This woman in red with cool words. Always game. She bit her lip and he paused to see her again. A smile crossed before they were interrupted.

Evie looked up as the door opened and Carol stood there. A glare already on her pouty face. Fredrick scooted a good few inches from Evie. Quickly.

“Sorry, I just had some questions about the reading. Mr. B.” Carol flashed a smile.

"Of course, Carol. My door is always open. Evie, thank you for the inquires. I'll be getting back with you. Soon."

Evie perked and got up.

“I'll hold you to that... We just finished. Thanks, Mr. B. For all the help.” She seemed all too chipper at Carol going green with envy. The redhead knocked into her shoulder passing, but Evie gripped her bag and went out. Frowned at the snow piling because she’d ridden her bike in.

Still, Evie was stubborn, so she got on and pedaled down the street. Sleet making it more difficult when a fucking Camaro revved down the way behind her. Billy honked once and got ignored. Pulled up in front of her and skidded over which sent Evie into a pile of frosty, dead leaves. Tumbling.

“Hell.” She just laid there until Billy Hargrove was in the line of sight. Craning to see her and utterly stunning against the opal skies. “What’s it going to take for you to leave me alone, huh? Three hundred bucks?” She untwisted from her bike and Billy yanked her up, brushing snow aside until he got smacked off with two heated expressions penetrating.

“You’re screwing Bowers, aren’t you?” He’d hissed it.

Oof.

“You’re delusional.” Evie charged past him. Legs aching as she pushed her bike.

“Max saw you in his car. He’s always looking at you. Is that where you go when you sneak out your window three times a week?”

“No!” Evie swiveled. Breath ghosting.

“But, you’re still fucking him.” Billy slid in front, hands on the bike handles to stop her again. There was a struggle. Her cheeks puffing as she feebly tried to push him back. Teeth clenched.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Will you just move?” Her entire face scrunched together. All daggers. Slowing, Evie spelled it out for him. Drew closer. “And no one will ever believe you.”

“You think I’m trying to make your life worse, Angel? I just want you to admit it.”

"Admit, what? You have major issues? Fine! Easy! Now move!" She barely got a few inches forward with his muscles buldging. Two immovable objects.

"Open those pretty lips and say it. You're fucking our teacher. I wanna hear it from that mouth." Billy paused, chest shuddering. "You went to him after what I did. I should have stayed with you."

“I don’t owe you any of this. You're obsessed!” She shoved into him. No budging, the boy was made of steel.

“He’s a fucking pedophile. We had those in California too, chica. Maybe they don’t like the term round these parts. You think he's making you feel good, but he's setting you on fire to warm himself. That fuse is creeping, babe.” Billy pushed back until she was sliding toward his car. Slush wetting their shoes.

"You're unbelievable!"

“I’m not looking to tell anyone, got that?" Billy caught her gaze in the teetering. Held it. "I’m just saying you don’t have to do it. Anyone ever tell you that you don't have to do something, Evangeline?"

Evie stopped pushing to stare with bigger eyes as he continued. Expression crestfallen because something resonated.

"Being a good girl has a cost, you do everything people tell you to do until your organs start spilling.”

“I'm not the only one with a front. Fuck you!”

A beat.

“You almost did that night.” Billy cocked his head. "I would have made you moan so pretty. I wanted to." Evie’s mouth dropped before she shoved him into the snow. Bike falling away. He looked thrilled. About to pitch a fucking denim tent. “There you are. I would have fucked you so hard and so good, babe. Bet you even taste like heaven and stardust. Yeah? Fucking hit me.”

“Hit you?” Evie stilled over him. “You’re just trying to make yourself feel better. Fuck off, Billy.” She yanked at her bike again. He puffed there, chest sinking before he shot back up. Newfound vigor.

Growled.

“I’m sorry.”

Even the snow stilled with him. She swerved and saw him crack.

“Evie, I’m fucking sorry, okay? I’m shit at this and I‘m sorry. I’m sorry I took you to that stupid dance and screwed you over. I'm sorry you got hurt. I am sorry, got it!”

“You’re sorry that you got caught.” She pointed.

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Listen, Billy,” Evie spun and dropped her bike, “I don’t need anything from you. Nothing. Okay? Just let it go, I really don’t know why you can’t. Be sorry somewhere else. The stars are where they are. Life goes on.”

“Fuck the stars! They're too far away to stop us. I kissed you after midnight. I gave the fucking money away. I wanted out of it and I fucked up. I did. I'd change that, but I wouldn't change the night with you. Hear me? I didn't lie about that much." He strained to catch those brown eyes.

She opened her mouth and closed it quicker. Almost softened.

"I didn't fake that and I was shitty to take you to that place. That fucker Tannen used me to get back at you and I’m fucking sorry about it.” Billy seemed to rage the thoughts out. “You liked it too. The kiss. Don’t pretend you didn’t.”

"If you call that a kiss." Sarcasm seeped out.

"Yeah, I recall us sharing a couple." Billy laughed. Dry and disbelieving. "I was drunk, but I remember every damn second of how you felt."

“You’re not fooling me again.” Evie crushed in on herself, pressed onward. Skidding to go away from Billy Hargrove. What the hell could he possibly want out of this?

“I’ll leave you alone,” Billy sprang forward and grabbed her back wheel, “if you kiss me again and tell me it’s nothing. Just one more. Redo it. Yeah? To hell with the stars, we'll change them.”

She looked in awe at him. Shoulders dropped.

"It wasn't even that good of a kiss."

"Then, what do you have to lose over another bad one?" Billy's head tilted up. Wild as can be. Evie matched it. Both of their curls moving up against the sweep of cold winds. Hungry looks about them. Billy undid her with a damning utter. "Prove me wrong, Angel."

He fucking triple dog dared her.

Evie practically kicked her bike aside, stomped toward him, and grabbed his face to smash their lips together. Billy pounced back with a barely there sound. Shoved Evie into the side of his car.

Another vehicle honked and went around them. Probably too shocked to do much else with teenagers unable to control their hormones in the middle of the road.

Moaning like he was in a porno, Billy made this one count. Hands palmed at her ass, bringing Evie up a few inches. Tongue down her throat near ready to prick himself on the pin she'd swallowed.

She hitched as he pulled her hair to see lush hooded eyes again. But, briefly.

"Yeah?" He twisted those curls around, both of them moaned. Challenge dancing. You like that, Angel? Evie's fingers were clutching at his jacket. A nod followed. She let him trail his tongue against her lips and opened her mouth for it again. Tasted spearmint.

Drunken bodies kept moving and smacking back into his car. Billy even tried to pull her shirt up out of her skirt to touch the flesh underneath. Evie jolted out from him, having not been ravished like that by a boy so unafraid to touch her.

And she shuddered apart. Kept her eyes closed so Billy did too.

It was the only way to prolong this. A softer kiss where their noses brushed after. Foreheads pressing together. Ardent and lovely. Total silence was a thrill. Billy nuzzled his nose into her own again, pulling her body into his. Fingers crept barely under her shirt. Caressed the tender skin. Lungs and hearts needy beyond repair.

Constellations twisting together until a single question dawned. Can I keep you?

Evie quaked for air and saw him. Lashes long and too beautiful. Freckles. Snow falling like confetti. An ache flooded back. The pin pricks in her tongue jabbed. Arms pushed up at him. Felt the thumping in his chest.

Holding his jaw steady, lipstick smeared to damn them both.

“Do you always kiss the same way a thirsty dog laps at water?” She shoved him backwards. A spit trail left their mouths. Red glistened on Billy’s lips and chin. A sleazy grin cracked, tongue wiggling out to taste her still on him. Neither could breathe right.

“Haven’t had complaints.” He gasped for air. “Are you judging my technique?”

“Yeah, it sucks.” Evie puffed with more force. “And I felt nothing. Got it? Nothing. Leave me alone now.”

“You’re a shitty liar.” He watched her swerve.

“And you’re a shitty person!” She wiped her mouth. Billy stopped dead, dropped everything he was feeling to let that pierce him. “I felt nothing! Leave me alone.”

“No.” Billy decided as she plucked her bike up.

“No?"

"You heard me." A child. "No. Nope. Nada."

"But, you just said-”

“I fucking lied and now you know how it’s done.” He went around his car. “Maybe I’m a shitty person, but at least I don’t hate myself enough to lie and screw-”

“Spare me!” Evie screamed over him. Chilling. She got onto her bike and went down a dirt path so Billy couldn’t follow her.

“Fuck.” Billy slammed his car door getting back in. Revved up again, hitting the wheel. “Fuck!”

He’d made it worse.

** ** **

Billy made an attempt to leave Evie Fenny alone. Sorta. Didn’t even stare at her in school. Didn’t bring up Bowers. Pretended he didn’t hear her sneaking out to wherever.

He even tried screwing other girls. Drinking and partying to forget.

Another problem came with that.

He couldn’t keep his shit up. Tried everything. Got into bed with two girls and stayed soft. Pretended he was just too smashed.

All he saw was Evie Fenny looking at him with her huge, sad eyes. It made him furious and he tried to hate her. Tried to jerk himself off and only thought of her lipstick smearing his skin. Her amber perfume drowning his senses. Her body flush against his.

Then, he was coming.

He felt like shit about all of it and that turned to rage. No hate came, it just burnt.

Meanwhile, Evie was lining pins and screws up for her collection. She wrote down every little thing she ate and what came out.

It was supposed to all come out eventually and she'd be there to control it.

She thought of the amethyst gemstone sparkling inside her and wondered how such a thing could make her feel so happy and alive.

Even when her stomach began to ache with little pricks through the day. Even when her appetite was often ruined. Even with she tried again at times to stop it for good. The cravings undid her.

She smiled through the pain just like she was taught. A woman's disposition.

I am fine. This is fine.

Something collided distantly. Two arrows through the same heart. Spitting blood everywhere.

One night, Evie wasn’t sneaking out.

Billy still heard her scratching around the side of the house. Couldn’t help peeking to see her dragging a shovel. Holding a painted square under one arm. She set a decorated shoe box aside and started digging a hole just at the back corner of her house. Struggling to break ice and snow. Head bowed so wet curls covered her chilled face.

He opened his window.

“Hey.”

“Go away.” She sniffled. Crying.

Billy hadn’t heard or seen her cry. Not even over him and what he did. Not for anything. The sound jarred him, he thought she might have been holding in laughter.

Blue eyes drew to the box again and he realized it. Bourbon. The strange cat hadn’t been spying on him lately.

“Please,” she turned her neck to barely peer at him through red rimmed eyes, “just go away.” Evie wiped her nose and let a fresh sprinkling of snow melt on her cheeks. She still looked pretty there, utterly fatigued. Wispy, wet curls framing her splotchy expression.

"You took good care of him." Was all he said. Evie turned back. Shoulders lifting.

Billy did the only thing he could do for once.

He left Evie alone.

Listened to her hum and dig to bury the beloved cat. Billy didn’t see Evie stuff a handful of soil into her pocket and go back inside to her empty house because her mother was always out with friends or working. She went to the phone in her bedroom. Luckily, Evie got her own line two Christmases ago. She dialed.

“Hello?” Her prince.

“Can I come over?” Evie sniffled. “Bourbon died.”

“Who?”

“My cat.” Dark eyes narrowed before she started to pick at some peeling wallpaper. “You remember?” She talked about the little ball of fuzz all the time.

“Oh, that’s unfortunate, Evie.” Fredrick sighed for her. “I’m not sure after what happened last weekend. I still think you need time.”

She spazzed out as the teenagers say.

“I just...wasn’t comfortable doing that. The ropes freaked me out, I can’t explain it.” She shook her head. "I can try again, can I come over?"

"So, now I'm just pushing you into it? Don't make me the bad guy, Evie, I won't be that. I'm here for you, but I want to go at your pace. You know that."

"No, no, you're not pushing," came the protest, "I can do it. I'll try. I just wanna see you. I need to be touched." That sentiment got her welling again.

“Evie, it’s like you don’t trust me to look after you.” He replied in a clinical sort of way. “I’m risking everything to be with you."

"I know."

He said it often.

"You couldn't stop crying," he sniffled like he might weep over it, "you make me feel so helpless at times. Do you realize that?"

"I"m sorry..." Evie crushed into the phone as he made it about him. His needs. His inability to keep her happy. That was her fault.

"Too often, I think your head is just up in the clouds. These nightmares you have and the way you press into the wall when you sleep. Like you don't want me to touch you. And last week, dear, you just...wouldn't stop crying."

"I promise I won't cry anymore." She's promised her mother that as well in silence. "I swear. I'll stop."

"This fixation on your little poems. We used to have adult conversations about the future. It's like a part of you is locked away. You don't want me to touch it. What’s the matter with you?”

“Songs.” Evie replied flatter.

“What?”

“They’re songs, not poems.”

“I just mean, you should be more practical."

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Evie decided at last. Clutching the phone cord in her shaken fist. Haunted. "I can't stop."

She didn't know if she wanted to. This cycle that was eating her.

"I got back into this because I wanted you. I see a future with us. Do you want me just as bad? Think on it. I'll give you the time. When you're ready, I'm here.” Bowers advised. He wanted her to want him so bad. “We’ll talk another day. Next weekend maybe.”

"Fredrick, please-"

The line cut.

She'd been too needy, he like that on his terms. Liked when she crawled and when she needed him so bad. When she gave into everything he desired without a fuss. Fredrick wanted Evie, but he wanted a specific version of Evie. The bouncy girls on television game for anything, who had every answer. Fizzling emotions unsettled him. They were childish. But, he wanted her lips to be glossy and pink. Wanted her to be an adult woman in a spring breaking teen's body.

You'd think he was still married to his uptight wife and fucking the damn babysitter.

Evie set the phone down. Stuffed a handful of dirt into her lips. Smothered herself with it. Gritty, it stuck to her teeth like an Oreo cookie. Tiny stones shifted as she tried to swallow too much at once. She got another handful in before her gag reflex choked her. Feet scrambled to puke brown and bile into the toilet.

The Lego she ate earlier came up too. Found it helping Claudia and Dustin clear their basement. Shiny and blue.

Her stomach curdled. A few tears squeezed before she was scooping that up. Slippery with acidic bile. Pushing it back into her mouth. With her throat raw, it hurt worse the second time but it went down.

Control. She was in total control. That’s what she told herself. Curled up next to the toilet. Scalp heating while her lips hung slack.

“Nothing is the matter with me.” Evie told herself because stopping meant that thudding ache in her chest would glow all neon and rose red.

** ** **

Billy wasn’t going to leave Evie alone. He decided that after a wet dream one morning. These things were not to be taken lightly by teenage boys.

I’m sorry. It didn't cut it. Actions, that’s what Susan advised, not that he’d admit prying advice from his chirpy stepmother. Vague as can be, Billy hung out in the kitchen doorway dropping rough hints.

Maxine was more blunt when Susan asked her later.

“Oh, yeah, he’s totally crushing on Evie and he messed it all up.” She said between the lazy crunching of salty chips.

“That’s what I thought.” Susan sighed. An hour of Billy barking and hiding around the doorway told Susan that much. She was young once.

“But, he did something. She’s mad at him.”

“Well, Neil works late tomorrow, I asked Billy if he’d take me to Mona’s salon. She wanted me to go out with her friends. A dessert and wine thing she likes to host.”

“Did you tell Neil?” Max was fixing a wheel on her skateboard and snacking. Poor thing wasn't getting use with all the snow fall. Susan only smiled.

“Would you like to go get your hair done?”

“Ick.” Max cringed at the thought of those huge rollers and hairspray.

“Max.” Susan replied carefully. “Evie works tomorrow, doesn’t she? Saturday.”

She got the idea with her eyes lighting up.

“Oh!” Max blew air out her lips. “Just this once, then.”

“That’s my girl.” Susan figured if Billy was convinced it was all her idea, the day would go smoother.

** ** **

Something else Billy Hargrove learned about Mona was her hair changed with the seasons. Locks big and bold but now a strawberry blonde. A head start for spring despite it still being January.

Evie peered up at reception and noticeably, her face fell.

Susan figured whatever happened had to be bad. She’d never seen such a reaction from a teenage girl to her drop dead gorgeous stepson. Hell, Billy Hargrove could bat his lashes and have eggs dropping in every uterus within a fifty mile radius.

Might have been why Neil preferred to lock him in his room like he was the dirty tomcat about to impregnate all the neighborhood strays. Although, Neil had a list of reasons for how he treated Billy. None of them valid.

Mona went right for Max. Squished her cheeks in smelling of lavender hand cream.

“I’m so glad y’all are here! Maxie, I promise I won’t shock you. Just a wash and freshen. Make your hair nice and bouncy. It’ll shine. I always say: the higher the hair, the closer to God.” Mona took Susan’s hand. “C’mon over here. My new girl, Shelby, will get you started too. Little pampering does everyone good.”

“Hey.” Evie piped up, twirling a pen around. She’d eaten the cap an hour ago. Not much for chewing. Always up to the task of swallowing whole because she was a big girl.

Big girls sucked it up and swallowed.

Billy thought to go back to his car. Swayed on his feet there looking around at all the plants.

Actions.

They speak louder than words. Billy was a screamer.

“Miss Mona, I was thinking we could… Uh, for me.”

“You want a wash too, Billy?” She perked, hair bobbing as her little platforms clicked excitedly. “Come, come, sit down. Evie can get you shampooed to start.”

Evie’s entire body locked. Billy smirked at her, but noticed an opportunity reach her eyes. The pen stabbed back into a cup. Lips spread in a devious way. He saw horns spring out of her big curls.

Fuck, she looked hot though.

It drove him wild. Evie with a fire behind her eyes. All plush curves and lingering allure. That amber perfume melted him.

“I’d be so happy to help.” She gripped Billy’s leather bomber and jerked him into a chair. He had a semi at this point. "Get comfy."

Hell, the girl was plotting a murder with that smoldering expression. Still, Billy was game because she was giving him attention. His tongue swept pink lips. Peachy skin glowing.

There was something off about Evie too. This sunken manner like her energy had been sapped. The slightest dark circles under brown eyes. Skirt Safari was barely three weeks ago. He removed his jacket when Mona reached for it to hang it with Max’s and Susan’s.

Dead boy walking.

Max snickered from her chair across the way. She and Susan sat with little floral capes, already getting their pampering. Evie moved Billy’s hair and pulled a lilac cape around his neck.

“Ack!”

“Oh? Too tight. My bad.” She snapped a button. “Put your head back. Into the sink now.”

Billy thought to pray for mercy, tilted back into the porcelain. He asked for this. The sink went on. Ice.

“Too cold?”

“Nope.” Teeth chattered. Evie had that devilish look still. Decided to make it warmer. Lifted the nozzle and hit his face.

And Billy took it. Sputtering.

“Oh, so sorry…” Her tongue clicked. Didn’t even try to sound sincere.

“Just a little water. No big deal.”

Her bottom lip pouted. She sprayed his face again. Billy snickered through the coughing, fists held the chair tight.

“You’re fucking waterboarding me, Fenny.” He'd spat, blinking rapidly.

“What?” Evie paused then kept spraying him as he tried to reply.

“You’re-”

“I’m, what?” She came off and Billy snorted before the water splashed again.

“Ngh-ffff- ”

“Can’t hear you, Billy.” Evie caught Max losing it across the way.

The boy took all the torment like a champ so she let up. He didn’t even snap when she pulled his hair shampooing it.

“I like it rough, Angel.” Billy hissed at her fingers pulling so she sprayed him again. Made him buck like a mad feline. He seemed to almost love it. This was foreplay to him.

“Creep. Don’t pitch a tent in that cape.” Evie stuffed a towel in his face. Smiled cheerfully. All syrup. “We're done, mommy.”

“Let’s see what I can do for these curls, Billy.” Mona let Claudia work on Susan while her new hire took over for Maxine. “I hope Evie gave you a good start.”

She certainly revved his motor, but he wasn't going to tell her mother that.

“So nice. I feel even more relaxed now.” Billy twitched a stressed smile. Earned himself a few good boy points.

Evie cracked a grin at him, arms crossing before she went back to reception. Unbelievable.

Mona had Billy chattering about his car and school and how he'd just turned eighteen in December. Life was coming his way. Evie took to doodling song lyrics in no order and tapped her pen. Mona either talked Billy into hair curlers or just started doing it. Which was another bout of amusement.

And Billy stared at Evie the entire time. Even when she made it a point to face away. Sat on the stool with her legs crossed, leaning forward to jot her little lyrics down. Susan swept her eyes between them.

Both relentlessly stubborn.

“Mona, I’ve been wanting to repay you back for the dinner this month. How about tomorrow? Our place this time.” Came her voice when a hair dryer shut off.

“We’ll bring the dessert.” Fingers played with Billy’s curls. Reminded him of his mother. Fluffed some life into them. He decided this salon was better than the places he used to go.

Music played, songs changing as time continued. Evie decided her luck couldn’t get any worse when Carol’s red hair appeared in her line of sight. Walking with her little friend group without Tommy. Likely headed to the nail place down the block.

Carol spotted Evie behind glass and whispered something that had her friends howling before they went.

“Bitches.” Billy sauntered up behind her. Golden hair sparkling.

“As if you had nothing to do with that.” Evie smacked her notebook shut. Sat straighter as he shook his locks out. Curls shining with lift. Like the sun just kissed them.

“How do I look?” One brow rose. Teasing.

“The same.” Gorgeous.

“Lunch?”

“Already ate.” Evie’s lips pressed when she said that. They spoke out of earshot under the music. Not noticing the glances on them.

“Guess I’ll still be seeing you for dinner tomorrow.” Billy counted some bills out. Snatched a pen and scribbled a note on a single. Dropped the money on the counter and pushed the one he’d written on into her pocket. She lifted an arm and glared, but let him. “We'll do this again some time. The back and forth. I pull your hair and you pull mine."

"Unlikely."

"Hm. Invest in waterproof red lipstick. Don't they have waterproof makeup now? Looks better on you than on me." His voice dropped.

"Wow. Cocky now, are you?"

"I just think it'll take us a lot of tries to get to a bad kiss. Don't you, Evie?" He replied pointedly, leaning over to speak in that low baritone. Pure amber honey.

"I think you're in denial, Billy. Gotta put pride aside." Evie bit her tongue and turned away. Loathed the blush glittering her cheeks.

"Takes one to know. I’ll wait for Max in the car. Need a smoke. See you around, Angel.” Billy swayed off after grabbing his coat. Out into the cold.

Evie put his money in their register and plucked the dollar out.

“Sorry. -A shithead.”

Billy had even gone out of his way to draw a little frowny face with a tear. Evie caught him looking at her from his car and rolled her eyes, stuffing the bill away.

Tried not to smile. Failed.

“Billy doesn’t do this kind of thing.” Max appeared a bit later. Glowy and red. Vibrant. “Just...so you know.”

“It shows.” Evie sighed out her nose. Watched Max say bye to her mother since she was staying with Mona before hurrying out into the Camaro. One rev and it skidded off. Snow flurries falling in its wake.

“She seemed mad,” Max had said in the car, “but, maybe less mad.”

“It was a big fuck up. She’ll be mad a long time.”

“And that bothers you.”

“No.” Billy flicked his cigarette out the window. Watched his sister’s lips press before he scoffed. “Max, I did something evil. You understand? Evie wants fuck all to do with me.”

And he couldn't throw her from his thoughts.

“What did you do?” Max leaned in to press the subject. “Just tell me.”

The gist of it came out by the time they parked at Cherry Lane.

Max just blinked at him. Flared. Billy cut the engine and paused, glancing at her.

“Why do boys do this to girls?” She asked, fists clenched in her lap. Rigid and puffy. “I don’t understand. Are my friends going to be like you when they get older?”

“No, Max, they’re not. I’m a piece of shit.” His shoulders came up.

“And you didn’t have to be… Keep groveling, you owe Evie that much.” She slammed the door when she got out. Expected to get barked at and slowed because he made no move. Just flicked his lighter open and closed there. Blue eyes on the steering wheel.

Exhaling into the frost, Max came around the car and jerked Billy’s door open.

“You suck at this. She doesn’t want you to do this self-deprecating game where you play the asshole victim. She wants a real apology.”

“I don’t know what the fuck she wants me to say anymore.”

“Maybe you don’t have to say anything to her.” Max paused. “Those girls and people at school, they’re mean to her. Aren't they? You’re the Keg King. Are you really going to let that happen?”

“They’re just fucking assholes, ignore them.”

“Easy for you to say being popular. What happened to Evie during the dance has been happening to her through all of high school. Don’t you see that? If you really cared, you’d do something to stop it.” The door shut on Billy before he could reply.

Max went up into the house, left him to stew on that until he followed her inside. Away from the snow and Evie’s penetrating eyes that were beginning to haunt him.

~~~~

Tensions are just shooting all directions with these two dorks. Thank you all so much for reading! Feel free to chat or ask about the taglist!!

TAGGED: @80sbxtch @nottherightseason @orxhidshavana @alagalaska @alongcamedolly @kellyk-chan @billy--hargroves

#billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #Billy Hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #Stranger things #mine #writing #somy #billy x angel

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bethsuglywigs · 4 years

Text

1x05 Q&A

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

There are a lot of scenes I like in this episode. Here are my top 3:

Beth and Annie’s dumpster argument: This is such a genuine sister argument. Even though Christina and Mae look nothing a like (especially on a show that is so good with casting actors who look related), this kind of back and forth with the underlying concern mixed with animosity is what really sells Beth and Annie as sisters. I’m also obsessed with Ruby being so used to their ridiculous behavior that she’s having a totally separate conversation in the background.

Brio car scene: Honestly an iconic Brio moment. Don’t think I need to explain this one.

“His name’s Rio”: If I didn’t know they were going to fuck before she said this...the look Ruby gives her...iconic

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

The pancake sex story. This scene doesn’t work for me AT ALL. Firstly, Beth is a talented liar, she literally proves it 10 minutes earlier at the electronic store. There’s no way she wasn’t fully prepared to answer Turner’s questions. I think the show wants us to believe she messed it up because she’s afraid of the FBI and flustered at the idea of sleeping with Rio. But this falls flat for me because Beth has shown time and time again she works best under pressure (See her lying to Marion when they were breaking in/we’re regular people speech).

It’s clear they just needed to make Turner not believe her to justify how zeroed in on her he is. But I think it would have made more sense if Turner did believe she was having an affair with Rio. Like his later behavior extreme Beth focus would have made more sense if he truly believed she was close to Rio. Based on what we see about his investigation, Rio is a major player in an international gang and a priority target for the FBI, if Turner could get to Rio through Beth, but she wasn’t cooperating it would justify his immense frustration with her. I just think this scene would have been 100% better for the plot overall if Beth lied well and Turner believed her.

3. What do you think Turner’s first impression of Beth and Dean was?

He though Dean was the dumbest man he ever met. You could see that in his eyes. It’s also very clear that Turner saw the same spark in Beth that Rio sees. Obviously they feel differently about her, but the both recognize there’s a lot more beneath the cookie cutter surface.

4. How do you think Beth and Annie felt about the news that Stan had entered the police academy?

I think any concern they have about it comes from the effect it will have on Ruby. I don’t think they were concerned he would like catch them or something.

5. Do you think Ben had a nice time in Hawaii with his dad and Nancy?

Yeah he definitely had a great time. I think this trip probably helped him develop his relationship with Nancy, especially considering we know that he started this season pretty aloof about Nancy but in the second season he’s very fond of/defensive of her.

6. What do you think of the Cloud 9 scheme? Do you think it was a good idea? That it had longterm potential?

No. It’s just unrealistic that they could use that much cash at once without arousing suspicion. But washing fake cash through retail purchases is a very common thing to do, just on a much smaller scale. I think a better scheme would be to use money orders.

7. Is Brian of Shop City Electronics the worst male character on this show? If not, where does he rank on the list of ‘Terrible Men’?

No. In this episode alone, Dean talks about his fake ass cancer and remind Beth he cheated on her and lost all their money while she’s trying to go comfort Ruby, whose daughter is in the hospital with non-functioning kidneys.

Boomer (Rapist/ugly)

Dean (unrepentant liar/cheater/manipulator/ugly ass bitch)

Noah (literally slept with Annie under false pretenses/ugly)

Brian (never thought about him again after this episode/not that ugly)

8. “Oh, is his name Rio?” (No question, just share thoughts, haha)

Girl...and you’re going to lecture Annie...

9. In this episode, Ruby and Stan find Sara’s pills together. Throughout the three seasons, we’ve seen them parent together and apart. How do you feel about the scenes of them parenting as a unit, and how do you think that dynamic shifts when they handle matters separately? (i.e. do you think Stan is a lighter touch without Ruby? Do you think Ruby is without Stan? What’s their dynamic when parenting their children - together or alone?)

Ruby and Stan are, by far, the best parents on this show. Beth and Annie both love their children and I’m not saying they are bad parents, but it’s scenes like the one in Sara’s hospital room that show just how well Ruby and Stan parent. The way they subtly chastise her, gently because she had a good reason, but firmly enough so that she understand why she did the wrong thing. And then they lighten the mood. It’s so good.

I think Ruby is definitely the tough love parent. We really get to see that in season 3. Stan is clearly an amazing and loving father, but he does have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people he loves so I imagine Sara/Harry can get a lot past him. But together, they are an unstoppable team. Even when they are fighting, they keep a united front for their kids. It’s obvious that they love and respect each other and that dynamic is foundational to their amazing joint parenting.

10. The car scene! Was this the first time either Beth or Rio had entertained the idea that they were attracted to each other? Break it down for us / me!!

Rio wanted to smash on sight! There’s no doubt in my mind he was like damn, shame I have to kill her...

I’m not sure of Beth’s exact moment of first horniness, but even in this episode its obvious she’s into him (”His name’s Rio”). But I do think the car scene is the first time she allows herself to imagine them together. Before, I think she probably vaguely attracted to him, but too scared of him and too caught up with Dean to notice he was into her. But in this scene, with the way he’s looking at her and talking to her, I think this is when she notices that he’s attracted to her. Because Beth clearly has issues surround sex/her attractiveness, I don’t think she would have been able to think of him that way without first knowing he was attracted to her as well.

#nbc good girls #gg rewatch

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bright-molina · 5 years

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a/n I did it y’all, I finished a fic for the first time in a billion years! Sidenote, I wrote this literally waaaay back when season 2 first came out so it’s outdated, yeah, but hey a fic is a fic right? Also: that middle gif isn’t mine, just wanna put that out there. Also, also: lowkey if y’all want more steve fics hmu

Your eyes were narrowed at the screen of the TV. You had no idea what was going on in whatever show happened to be playing but if looks could kill then those actors would be dead ten times over. It was date night and Steve had bailed on you for the third week in a row. To make matters worse it was your anniversary and he was now avoiding you. Usually, you had Nancy to talk to about it but even she had disappeared without a word two days ago. It took you longer than you cared to admit to connect the dots but you finally had. There was something going on and you were determined to find out exactly what that was.

You picked up the phone with a new purpose and started dialing numbers. There was no answer at Steve’s house which you had expected and so you tried Nancy one last time. Mrs. Wheeler gave you the same response she had given you the night before, one which you were now sure was a lie. You dialed a few more numbers but none of them led you anywhere. It was then that you got the idea to try Jonathan’s. If your best friend was anywhere it would be with him. After a few rings, somebody finally picked up the phone. It just wasn’t who you were expecting it to be.

“Hello?”

“Mike?” You weren’t too surprised to find Mike on the phone. You had, afterall, lived right next door to the Wheeler’s your entire life. You had honestly spent a fair amount of time with the party and you knew how close Mike was to Will Byers in particular.

“Y/N?”

“Shit!”

“Was that Steve?” You sat up in your seat and were surprised to find out that the Byer’s house is where your boyfriend was hiding. You could hear Steve telling Mike to tell you that he wasn’t there. You couldn’t help but sigh and roll your eyes at his desperate attempt to throw you off.

“Uh, n-no. He’s not here.”

“Don’t lie to me, Mike. I can literally hear him talking.” You could hear the sound of muffled shouting on the other end of the line. Their voices became clear and Steve answered the phone himself this time.

“Hey, babe”

“Steve Harrington!” You immediately scolded, practically being able to see the way he was most likely wincing on the other end. “You bailed on me again!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry—“

“Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!” You shouted. You were mostly angry at him but also a little hurt. For as long as you could remember, the two of you told each other everything. And now, just as you thought you and Steve were at your best so far, he started hiding things from you. More than anything you wanted answers. “You better have a good explanation for ditching me because I swear to god, Steve, I told you last time that —”

“Monster hunting!” He quickly responded, yelling a little bit in the process. He knew he couldn’t lie to you any longer. If he hadn’t told you than he was sure you would get it out of one of the boys, all of whom adored you.

You wished you could say that Steve’s claim of ‘monster hunting’ surprised you but it really didn’t. The year before you had fought off a demogorgon alongside him, Nancy and Jonathan. When Will had gone missing you refused to sit still. And when there turned out to be a monster from another dimension you didn’t hesitate to help your friends get rid of it. Needless to say, it was quite the bonding experience and you and Steve had gotten to know each other a lot better since then.

“Look,” Steve’s voice lowered and you could tell he was worried. Your anger dissipated almost completely upon finding out all his sneaking around came from needing to know you were safe. “Just promise me you’ll stay home, okay? I’ll explain later, promise.”

“No need,” You couldn’t sit back, a fact which Steve knew very well. Not another moment passed before you were standing up from the couch and looking for your things. “I’ll be there in ten.”

“Great, you see what you little shit’s did? Now Y/N is going to show up and she’s pissed at me which is never a good thing” Steve sighed as he ran his hands through his hair, not that it budged at all. He had spent a few minutes debating what exactly he was going to tell you when you got there. Finally he had come to the conclusion that he would just wing it, maybe he’d get lucky and you’d let it go because of unexpected circumstances.

“Dude, you’re the one who bailed on her again,” Mike shook his head. He could recall the many times before when he overheard you telling Nancy everything that had happened. And then the following day’s conversation when you would tell her how he had made it up to you. Usually involving details he wished he could unhear. “That’s not cool.”

“And on your anniversary?” Dustin was the next one to criticise him. “You know, you’re not really coming off as the best boyfriend at the moment. No offense.”

“You guys are supposed to be on my side,” Steve mumbled as he rolled his eyes at their comments. He had to admit though, they weren’t totally wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about you, of course he did, more than anything. Which was why he had opted in keeping you out of the loop this time around.

“Wait, wasn’t Y/N the one who killed the demogorgon last year?” Lucas questioned. They could all recall your telling of the events perfectly and if there was anyone they believed, well it was you. “So wouldn’t it have made sense that she help us out?”

There was a chorus of agreements from the rest of the party while Steve rolled his eyes at them. “Technically we all killed it a little. As you know, my girlfriend is a badass and she just so happened to be the one to deliver the killing blow that got it stuck in the trap. But we all got some hits in, okay?”

“So basically she killed it” Max put it simply and the boys unanimously agreed while Steve tried to argue his point. A laugh rang through the room over their debating.

“You bet your ass I killed that thing.”

When they turned they found you standing in the doorway while leaning on your own nail covered bat. Steve watched as you greeted each of the boys and introduced yourself to Max. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you listening to them recounting everything that had happened the past couple of days. It wasn’t until you turned to look at him with a glare that his smile fell.

“We have to talk don’t we?” He asked even though he knew the answer perfectly well.

“Kitchen” Was all you replied with before walking past him without another glance.

“It’s all Dustin’s fault!” Steve immediately told you. Both of you pretended not to hear the ‘no it wasn’t!’ from the other room. “I was on my way to see you but you weren’t home and he ambushed me. They all did. It was the kids fault! And then there was a junkyard and these lizard things and shit and,” He sighed heavily and it was then that you noticed just how tired he was. “It’s been a long day.”

“And you were planning on fighting those things alone?” You asked, not surprised at all by the fact.

“Not exactly,” He knew when he saw the look on your face that he had to elaborate. “Mrs. Byers is with the kid in the room and Jonathan, Nancy, and Hopper are clearing out the shed. We have a plan.”

“Why did nobody think to tell me what was going on!” You sighed in exasperation as you propped yourself up on the table. A shot of fear ran through you as you realized that until now it had been just Steve and the kids and you had no clue what they were up to at the time.

“You were the first person I said we should go to!”

“Yeah, same!”

“Hey, dickheads, this is a private conversation” Steve rolled his eyes at Lucas and Dustin before turning back to you. He sighed when he saw the way your arms were crossed while frowning. You felt him wrap his arms around you, holding you as close to him as possible. “It was my idea not to call you. I’m sorry.” It simply wasn’t possible for you to stay mad at him. A soft smile made its way onto your face and before you knew it you were kissing him for the first time in what felt like ages. “You know I love you, right?”

You gave a small laugh before kissing him, a little harder and a little longer this time, muttering I love you’s in between. “You know,” You were short of breath as you hopped off the counter and tried to compose yourself. Steve watched as you turned towards him again and your smile very subtly turned into a smirk. Your face was flushed and you were both just a little disheveled and he could swear he fell in love with you even more just then. “I had a little surprise planned just for you tonight,” Your voice was low and suggestive and if he wasn’t flustered and bothered before than he definitely was now. You placed one last soft kiss on his lips and flashed a smile before turning around again and making your way out of the room. “I guess now you’ll never know what it was.”

“Wait!” Steve tried calling after you but you were already gone. He let out a frustrated sigh as he ran his hands through his hair again. His imagination ran rampant with all the possibilities of what you had been implying. He spent another few minutes pacing the kitchen in an attempt to calm down a little. One thing was certain. He had missed out on spending time with you and if they didn’t die that night he was definitely going to kill Dustin.

A week later you sat in your living room once again. This time however you had company.

“Please baby,” Steve whined as he placed soft kisses up and down your neck. He had pulled you into his lap and was trying to convince you to elaborate on the little comment you had made at the Byer’s the week before. Meanwhile, you were watching a rerun of Ghostbusters. You were stubborn though and refused to tell him. For the time being at least.

After another ten minutes of Steve trying to get your attention you finally huffed and turned to face him, straddling his lap in the process. The action caught him by surprise and he moaned a little when you kissed him just to get him to stop talking.

“You really want to know?” You whispered against his lips as you tangled your hands in his hair. He gave you a small nod and gulped a little. “Well first,” His attention was focused completely on you and your every move as you kissed along his jaw. “You let me finish watching Ghostbusters.”

Your laugh rang through the room when Steve threw his head back, rolled his eyes, and groaned loudly. In a flash you had changed positions, you now had your back against the couch while Steve straddled you. “You really suck, you know that?” You simply hummed in response as he kissed you again.

The moment was short lived. Before you could process what was happening the front door swung wide open and you were met with a chorus of shouting.

“You two are disgusting!”

“What the hell guys!”

“Seriously, get a room!”

“Everyone avert your eyes!”

The two of you sat up on the couch, Steve reluctantly and with a heavy sigh. You, on the other hand, gave him your I-told-you-so face. You had very specifically reminded him that it was game night and the party would be there soon. Evidently he hadn’t heard you.

“Can we help you?” Steve looked at them, only slightly annoyed at their sudden intrusion.

“We called tonight,” Mike complained first, motioning towards the plethora of junk food piled on the table that you had bought for everyone earlier. “In case you hadn’t noticed.”

“And you guys couldn’t have knocked? We were,” Steve paused for a second and debated his next choice of words. “A little preoccupied.”

“You know what,” Dustin interrupted before anyone could argue any further. “Just because we’re good people, and kind of owe you both, we’ll postpone for tomorrow. Just, you know, sanitize the place or something.”

He had a point and they all figured it was better safe than sorry. You let them leave all the things they had brought with piled on the floor and soon you were left alone with Steve again.

“I knew he was my favorite for a reason.” Steve made sure the front door was locked before walking back over and offering you his hand.

“What?” Your smile was wide, already knowing what he was planning. Or hoping you had planned still. “You don’t really want to pick up again after that do you?”

“Why not?” His grin matched yours and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Just in case, we’re safer in your room. C’mon.”

You spared one last glance at the door before taking his hand and letting him lead you upstairs, knowing you were in for a blissfully long night.

#yes i am aware that its 4 am #and most likely no one will see this #but that's never stopped me before lol #i have no idea what to tag this with #i haven't written a fic in so long oh my god #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington imagine #stranger things imagine #steve harrington x reader #reader insert #stranger things one shot #one shot #imagine #fanfiction #my stuff #things i write

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miss-wanderlustwriter · 6 years

Text

Not So Different (Part 1)

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Part 1: Approx. 3000 words

Request: Hey! Can you write something fluffy and cute about billy and how the reader is shy, quiet and timid and billy finds out she’s abused by her dad at home and he becomes really protective of her and all soft and cuddly whenever she’s around - Anon

Warnings (for the series): Verbal abuse, physical abuse, language, anxiety. So possible triggers. Lots of fluff.

A/N: Hey hey, so apologies again for not posting in a while, but my idea for this request kind grew into a multi-part. So this is just a bit of an intro, setting the scene, the fluff and protection will come I promise. Hope you all like it! Please please don’t by shy in giving any feedback! Like, comment, reblog, send me an ask or a message. I appreciate anything. Love you all, thanks for being patient! ♥

I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to fall for the new bad boy of Hawkins, it was too cliche, but it wasn't like I had a choice. He consumed me with that desire in his eyes and the uncontrollable passion in his soul.

He became my surety, my reliance, my strength and in return I became his; he found a hope in me he'd never managed to acquire before.

I fell so deeply for him and as I teetered off the edge I wasn't entirely sure if he would catch me at the bottom, but then I realised I didn't care.

On his first day at Hawkins High, the new kid, Billy Hargrove found his locker directly next to mine, and as I let out a typical Monday morning sigh I couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes piercing the side of my face. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and dared to flit my gaze to the figure looming next to me; I was met with a somewhat intimidating stare from the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. My mouth gaped slightly which I’m sure didn’t go unnoticed as I tried to take in the sight before me. His posture was strong and confident, and his muscles were clearly defined underneath his clothes; they definitely don’t make teenage boys like this in Hawkins.

One side glance around the door of his locker turned into a dangerous smirk that reached his sapphire eyes as he, not so subtly, raked them over my body. I saw his eyes light up as they ran over my bare legs and reached the hem of my pleated skirt, the way he bit his lip at my tightly fitted sweater before, satisfied with his observations, he met my wide-eyed gaze.

I knew I was a goner when I was lost in the ocean of his eyes, no other colour existed to me at that moment but blue; and then I allowed his deep coarse voice to send a wave of goose bumps across my skin.

"And what might your name be Princess?" He asked with his smirk.

Of course, I stuttered trying to form words in front of him.

"Erm...it's, erm...Y/N." Goddamn it.

"You sure about that?" He chuckled as he closed his locker and casually leaned a shoulder against it. He folded his arms causing his biceps to bulge in his denim jacket and white button up shirt to gape even more, displaying his chiselled and tanned chest.

I tore my eyes away finding his filled with arrogance at knowing what he was doing to me.

"Yes, I'm Y/N." With as much strength as I could muster.

"Well that’s good to know. I’m Billy.” He winked directly at me and turned to walk away leaving me blushing in his wake at his perfect arse in those jeans.

The next day as my eyes travelled along the grubby tiled floor of the school corridor, they came into contact with a pair of tattered brown boots planted directly in front of my locker. I slowly lifted my head, running my gaze over the fitted denim and tight t-shirt that enveloped the very boy I was hoping I wouldn’t see this morning. A lost cause I know considering his locker is next to mine, but a girl can hope.

I was met with a teasing lightness in his blue orbs which suddenly made me incredibly nervous. A smirk graced his rosy lips when he saw my questioning look and he shuffled back only slightly, staying close enough that when I opened my locker I could feel his breath on my face. I knew it should intimidate me, that I should run for the hills and never look back; Billy seemed like bad news. But being in this close proximity to him, so close I could smell his musky aftershave and most recent cigarette, it sent a lustful shiver down my spine.

“Hey neighbour.” He nodded towards me.

“Hi Billy.” I squeaked out.

“So, I have Math first with a Mr…. err..” He paused and I glanced up to see a look of genuine confusion cover his face, which made me let out a short laugh.

“Mr Roberts?” I questioned.

“Yeah that’s the one doll. Would you be a helpful neighbour and show me where to go?” He seemed sincere so I thought why not.

“Sure. That’s my first class as well actually.” I humoured him, offering a shy smile.

“Bonus.” He winked and held his hand out for me to lead the way.

I took a breath and broke the somewhat awkward silence as he strode next to me and I had to quicken my steps to keep up.

“So where did you move to Hawkins from?” I stole a glance and saw his expression fall.

“California.” He was short and closed me down with his one-word answer. I seemed to have hit a nerve with such a simple question and it bothered me that I had overstepped my mark. I kept my head down and we walked the rest of the way without a sound.

He followed me into the classroom and I expected him to retreat to the back of the class, away from me. But he didn’t. He stuck close by and wound his way through the desks to claim the one next to me.

I gave him another questioning look and he just smiled in response, “Thanks Princess.”

The slight hope that lifted my heart at his nickname was quickly shutdown, as he swivelled in his seat to follow the arrival of an incredibly short skirt attached to Helen Marshall; she was blond, tall, slim and oozed confidence, she had everything I was missing. She took the seat behind Billy with a flirty smug look appearing on her painted face as he leaned his muscled arms on her desk.

I rolled my eyes back to the front of the room where Mr Roberts was faffing with his notes as usual. That man was a scatter brain, but in his defence also a genius. It took him another five minutes to find himself in order, enough time for me to hear Helen’s stupid high-pitched laugh at Billy’s cheesy but charming remarks.

My stomach dropped when I overheard him asking her out. Already. He’s been here two days! Helen accepted of course, and I could just imagine the sickly flutter of her fake eyelashes as Mr Roberts grabbed Billy’s attention back to the class.

“Mr Hargrove, if we are quite done with organising Friday night plans could you face forward please.” He never had it in him to actually be mean to students, even when they deserved it.

I forced myself to not look at Billy for the rest of the lesson and managed to avoid him the remainder of the day, by sacrificing the text books I needed from my locker.

Thankfully I found Nancy at lunch, she’s been my best friend since Kindergarten, always us two against the world. However, in Sophomore year, she had gained her self assurance, figured out who she was, and now she had Jonathan in her life, after all the drama with Steve. Whereas I was still shy old me, still struggling when meeting new people or having to talk in class, and never attending the high school parties that Nancy had become so interested in, even the thought of it all made my breath quicken.

“Hey Y/N!” Nancy greeted me with a friendly smile that I always appreciated, and I took my usual seat across from her, next to Steve. Jonathan occupied the remaining seat next to Nancy.

“Hey guys.” I sighed as I caught a glimpse of Billy’s dirty blond curls across the cafeteria, he was scaring some Freshmen from a table so him, Carol and Tommy could claim it. I shook my head more to myself than anything else but I couldn’t get away with much around these three.

“What’s up with you Y/N?” Steve nudged his shoulder against mine.

All three were staring at me with concern, waiting, knowing I was getting pretty good at opening up to them. I let out a low laugh, and shook my head once again, “Honestly guys nothing, just the new guy throwing me off already. He seems so arrogant and mean, not to mention intimidating.”

“He does seem like he’s going to shake things up a bit around here.” Jonathan sounded disgruntled as he threw a glance at the now raucous table in the corner.

“Oh come on he can’t be that bad can he?” Steve lifted his head like a meerkat to search across the room, not having had the pleasure of meeting Billy yet.

“Hmph. Well he’s already got a date with Helen Marshall.” I tried to sound indifferent to my statement, shrugging it off, but I caught Nancy’s eye and she gave me a knowing look but thankfully didn’t say anything in front of the boys.

Instead she took the heat away from me and kicked Steve under the table, “Wait, Helen Marshall who Steve has been trying to ask out for ages??”

Steve look flustered, “What? No I haven’t.”

“Steve, honestly mate I’d give it up, she’s more interested in her own hair than you are with yours.” And at Jonathan’s bold, yet rare, remark, we burst into laughter.

Although my carefree moment was cut short as I was suddenly met with an amused looking Billy, as he realised I had seen him he jerked an eyebrow up, sending his silent question across the bustling room but I couldn’t answer. My laugh subsided and I focused on Nancy and the boys, chatting until the end of the hour and refraining from looking for Billy again.

Jonathan and Steve had made our little twosome a fully-fledged friendship group last winter, which was admittedly difficult for me at first. I was so used to it being just Nancy and I, so comfortable. The reality was not as scary as my brain tried to make me believe; the boys are lovely, and looking back I’m actually happy that Nancy brought them into my life. I get on with Jonathan with us both being quiet and anti-social, but then Steve helps bring out a little more talkative side I didn’t know I had, he’s like Nancy, so easy to be around. Between them and now being able to admire Billy from afar, school was my favourite place to be and it made my journey home everyday that little bit heavier.

It didn’t take long for me to realise that how Billy had been with me, he was with every girl. The smirks, winks and piercing gazes, he had half the female population falling at his feet by the end of the first week, and the guys either wanted to be his best friend or hated him. Steve had joined the latter half of the guys in school, after being shown up by Billy during basketball, apparently he didn’t want to talk about it, but word got round he’d been thrown to the floor a few times, and the glares he threw at Billy throughout the days spoke volumes.

I couldn’t deny that Billy had a certain charm about him, but I had a feeling that it was part of a false bravado, there was something he was covering for. I know because I’m an excellent observer, preferring to watch and listen, but mainly because I know I’m hiding something too.

Over the first few weeks I could see him closing his body off to people, I watched him unleash a pent-up anger in gym class and noticed the split knuckles that soon followed. His smile never quite managed to reach his eyes when he would tease me as we crossed paths, still I couldn’t manage more than a smile or sentence without stuttering over my tongue or the blood rushing to my cheeks when I met his captivating gaze.

Still, all the superficial encounters with Billy still couldn’t take me away from the dread I felt, at the thought of going home. Most people think of home as a safe haven, a place of relaxation and love and peace. Not me though. My home was not really that at all, it was a place of uncertainty and worry and fear. All dependant on how my Father was feeling on that particular day.

He had fallen into the cold hard embrace of alcohol when my Mother died a few years ago, he was always an unpleasant drunk, but now that had seeped into his personality as the vodka did constantly into his bloodstream. His words had become vicious and his actions neglectful. I stayed out of his way as much as possible which seemed to suit us both. We were both aware that when I turned eighteen, a legal adult, I would be out of there. My one saving grace was that he had never laid a hand on me, but unfortunately that soon changed.

One crisp autumn day in October I had left my Father passed out in his room knowing the night had been a long one, from the mess of glass bottles scattered around the house. I cleaned up the best I could but once I heard movement from his room I scarpered, stupidly forgetting a rain jacket, and by the end of the day the heavens had opened and the rain was bouncing off the tarmac.

I walk to and from school every day, which took me about half an hour each way, so having no alternative option I stepped out into the downpour in nothing but my drainpipe jeans, old converse, a Def Leppard t-shirt and my thick woollen cardigan. I was barely out of the parking lot when the revving of an engine could be heard over the rain, and I didn’t have to even look up to know which arrogant mullet wearing jackass it was. But instead of speeding right past me as he normally did, I heard the Camaro slow and purr next to me as I walked.

“Hey! Princess!” He did actually have to shout for me to hear him, I turned my head which let multiple raindrops access the back of my neck, making me shiver. “Come on I’ll give you a ride!”

I instinctively shook my head.

“None negotiable Princess, get in.”

I was cold, I was soaked and he had heating. I took a deep breath, a step forward and reached for the door handle.

“What are you even doing trying to walk home in this, dressed like that?” He nodded towards my drenched cardigan as his foot hit the gas pedal.

“I forgot my rain coat.” My voice barely escaped my lips, having to admit my mistake in embarrassment.

“I can see that. Do you have no one to pick you up?”

“Not really, I don’t like bothering people, and it’s not that bad anyway.”

“Sweetheart you’re literally dripping wet. And not the kind that I approve of.” My gaped mouth was met with a cheeky grin and gauging look.

"Billy!" A smile appeared on my lips without my permission and the longer I looked at Billy the more I was laughing. No one had ever spoken like that around me before and I couldn't stop myself. Billy then started chuckling at my reaction which then made me laugh more. "I can't believe you just said that, I am not that type of girl."

"Yeah Princess, I gathered that." He sighed to himself to my bewilderment.

I directed him to my house but the conversation in between didn't go too far. I was worried about making him upset again so I didn't dare ask about California, even though I wanted to know everything.

I made him stop a few houses short of mine in case my Dad was home and turned to him, "Thanks Billy, I really appreciate it." As I sat there grateful, but still soaked to my bone, not sure if I would ever feel warmth again.

"No problem Princess, anytime."

I left him with a smile and thankfully the rain has subsided slightly, so I could wait for him to drive off before making my way two houses down from where he had dropped me off. I stepped through the threshold of my front door, had barely taken a step when he was already there; bottle in hand and standing in the shadows, we never really opened our curtains anymore, "Who was that?" His voice was low, threatening.

"Who?" Mine was far too high.

"Don't play stupid with me Y/N. The boy, dropping you off. You have a boyfriend now? I thought we talked about dating." He wasn't protective, like any other Dad would be, he was controlling and his words were harsh.

"No. Not my boyfriend," My voice shook and I cursed myself, he was like a predator, he could sense weakness, "Just someone from school, gave me a ride because of the rain."

It was hopeless though, the poison had infiltrated his logic and I knew he wouldn't believe me. He took two strides towards me and before I could blink my back was slammed against my escape route, his rough hand around my throat.

"Don't, lie to me, Y/N. I better not see you whoring yourself out again, do you understand me?" Still he didn't shout, and I think that scared me more. I could feel his fingers curled around my neck, pressing into my flesh, as I tried to nod a yes.

"What was that?" He tilted his head so his ear was closer to my mouth wanting a verbal answer.

"Yes." I let out the broken word, holding back my tears, I never gave him to satisfaction of seeing my cry and I wasn't about to start today.

"Good." Was all he replied as he let go, turning away with a swig of his bottle and not giving me a second glance.

I fled to my bedroom, knowing a line had been crossed, knowing everything was spiralling downwards and the only thing that could stop it was my eighteenth birthday; but that was still six months away.

I curled up in my duvet, tears streaming down my face, sobs muffled into my pillow, wondering which of my scarves I could wear to school the next day.

I’m so nervous, please let me know your thoughts ♥

Tags: @infinitelycharmed23 @wearemightyghosts @kingbouji3 @dacremontgomerylover

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfic #billy hargrove fanfic #fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #request #please let me know what you think #feedback muchly appreciated #really nervous #writing #stranger things series #billy hargrove series

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ohparkers · 7 years

Text

Sleepwalking

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Cursing, awkwardness, sleep deprivation (?)

Summary: You stayed up late on a school night, and the side effects are as prominent as ever the next morning.

A/N: I wrote this over a couple of days so I’m sorry if some parts are a little wonky or inconsistent. It’s my longest imagine yet, lol. Also I might make this a series, maybe, maybe not :-) I’ll see how you guys like it. Ok, I think that’s it,,, enjoy!!

Staying up until 3 AM on a school night was never a good idea. However, after the new season of Stranger Things had just been released onto Netflix, your brain suddenly disregarded this well-known fact and decided that it would be a good idea to binge all the episodes in a single night. You’d certainly enjoyed the new season, but you weren’t enjoying the after effects of only getting three hours of sleep.

That was why when you’d stumbled onto the train the following morning, hair tied up in the messiest bun it’d ever been in, it took all of your willpower not to just fall asleep standing there holding onto the rail. It was just your luck that there were no open seats and you had been forced to stand up, cramming yourself in between other commuters and students and clutching onto the metal pole with one hand. You almost pulled out your phone to lazily scroll through social media, but thought better of it when the train rocked slightly and you almost went flying down the aisle.

Note to self: No matter how much Nancy Wheeler is your “badass queen”, there was no way you were going to function getting through a whole seven hour school day like this.

For heaven’s sake, even the extra-large, extra-hot coffee you’d downed before you left your apartment wasn’t even working. This was bad. And it could only get worse.

Your stop finally approached, and as the moving monorail slowly came to a stop you deemed it safe to use your cell phone to send a quick text to MJ.

Dude, I think I’m gonna pass out. How tf am I going to get through Chem? Oh god, MJ, this is gonna be a disaster.

You waited for a response, but were forced to lock your phone as people all around you began to get off and on the train. The chilly autumn air hit you harshly in the face as you stepped off, moving with the pace of the crowd. Luckily, the walk to Midtown from the train station wasn’t far.

Tucking your hands into the pockets of your army green jacket, you walked cautiously, so as to not completely fall forwards on your face. By the time you made it to the front campus of Midtown, the migraine inhabiting your head had already gotten what felt like ten times worse.

The school was alive with the buzz of students, or as alive as a building full of teenagers could be in the early hours of a Monday morning. Adjusting your backpack straps on your shoulder, you quickly spotted your friend perched on a bench just outside the front doors.

You picked up your pace only slightly, silently making your way over to greet the brunette, who’s curly mop of hair was turned downwards, nose tucked in a thick novel. “MJ!” You breathed, the breeze sending a short chill down your spine.

She looked up at you, a scowl already adorning her features before she realized that it was you speaking to her. Her facial expression quickly changed into a pitiful smile. “Oh my god, Y/N, you look kind of dead.”

You managed out a chuckle, even though you knew she was completely right. A side effect of getting little to no sleep is not being in the right state of mind to actually pick out a decent outfit. That morning, in the midst of your exhausted haze, you’d thrown on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a gray long-sleeved pullover, which you’d paired with your green jacket and black vans. The outfit could have been worse, but you hadn’t even bothered trying with your hair, instead leaving it in the messy bun you slept in.

So yeah, Michelle wasn’t too far off in saying that you looked kind of dead.

“Never mind that. It was all worth it to see more of the love of my life kicking some supernatural butt.” Grinning, you grabbed your friend by the wrist and pulled her to make her stand up.

MJ rolled her brown eyes. “Yeah, yeah, we all know about your insane girl crush.”

You returned the scowl she had given you before, then began walking, though you weren’t denying her accusation. Could you really even argue with that? Nope. The answer was no.

The taller girl fell into step next to you, and you chatted about some of your shared classes before you finally entered through the front doors of Midtown. It was always a struggle to maneuver through the crowds in the hallways, but after three years of attending the school you’d learned to manage it.

Your first class of the day was AP English, which fortunately you shared with your best friend. After a brief stop at your lockers, you headed towards the classroom together. The two of you made it through the door just as the second bell clanged throughout the halls, making you both cringe slightly and rush to sit down.

The class dragged on rather slowly, but you were thankful that it was a fairly easy lesson. If you day had started with something like Physics, you had no idea how you would’ve managed to even keep your eyes open for the whole hour long period.

When the class was finally over, you packed up your things and headed out of the room. You were going to Chemistry and MJ was headed to Algebra, but both of the rooms were in the same wing of the school, so you could walk together. You were almost at the door to the lab when you stopped dead in your tracks. Oh no. No, no, no.

“MJ, wait.” Tugging on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, you pulled her over towards you, your eyes wide as saucers.

She raised her eyebrows. “What is it?”

“My Chem folder! It’s sitting on my kitchen counter. Oh my god, MJ, oh my god. What if the teacher does one of those note checks? Holy shit. I’m screwed. Goodbye, A minus average. Rest in peace.” Shoving your flushed face in your hands, you pulled at the roots of your hair that had begun to fall out of the bun it was previously in.

The brunette sighed in response, shaking her head at you. She opened her mouth to say something before closing it abruptly, peeking her head into the doorway of the classroom and looking back at you with a wry smirk. “Hey, hey, relax. She might not check, and even if she does, you do have the smartest kid in our grade as your lab partner, need I remind you-”

Peter. It was your turn to peer into the lab, your eyes scanning over the rows of tables until they landed on the one you shared. All you could see from this angle was the back of his head, soft brown curls smushed down by the silly goggles he’d already adorned. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip at the sight, becoming temporarily distracted and losing your train of thought.

“-Just go in there. You don’t want to be late.” MJ continued, shoving you lightly by the shoulder and turning to walk in the other direction. So much for support.

With that, you willed your feet to carry you into the brightly-lit lab room bustling with students. Taking a deep breath, you passed the couple of rows in the back of the room, bumping into the corners haphazardly and letting out a small groan. The lack of sleep was still affecting you greatly, even though it was already almost ten in the morning.

You reached your usual table with a sigh, looking over and seeing Peter still with his head ducked down into the side drawer. Almost not even wanting to bother him, you gingerly reached over and tapped him on the shoulder.

Your hand lingered there for just a moment too long. Since when was he so muscular, holy crap-

“O-oh, Y/N!” Peter’s voice snapped you out of your momentary daze, your hand on his shoulder quickly going back by your side to grab the straps of your backpack.

A breath hitched in your throat, suddenly awkwardness swept over you like a thick blanket and you couldn’t seem to even form words. Tired eyes focusing on the ends of your partner’s curly hair, curling around his ears in small tufts of golden brown, realization settled in.

You looked like you’d just rolled out of bed. Well, because technically you did, but still.

Suddenly all you wanted to do was disintegrate into a puddle of nothingness. Not only were you completely exhausted, you looked like an utter wreck and were now acting like a blubbering idiot in front of your cute lab partner. Fantastic.

Nervously, you placed your bag down on the floor, settling into the chair to the right of Peter’s. You chewed on your bottom lip out of anxiety, drumming your fingers on the wooden tabletop.

The bell rang again, sending the classroom that was previously bustling with conversation hushed into silence at the sight of your teacher entering through the door. Great, now even if you wanted to apologize to Peter for acting so weird, you couldn’t.

The teacher made her way to the front of the room, coffee cup in hand. She put her stack of papers down on her desk before promptly launching into a lecture about the activity you’d be doing that day. From the corner of your eye, you noticed Peter rush to remove his goggles and stop fiddling with whatever he was making in the drawer.

You were used to these long instructional talks, however, this one seemed to be droning on an excessively lengthy amount of time. There was no way you’d get to complete a whole lab with only nearly half of the class period left. Hey, at least you were sure that there wouldn’t be a notes check that day. At least that relieved some of your stress.

Slowly but surely, you could subconsciously feel yourself drift off, the hand supporting your head atop the table providing a makeshift pillow. Unrested eyes fluttering shut easily, before you could stop it you were out like a light.

A nudge at your side. Nothing.

A tap at your foot. Nope.

From across the table, Peter’s mind and heart were racing. The teacher would look over here at any second, and you were not-so-subtly snoozing out in the middle of class.

He didn’t know any other way to get you to wake up; and he had to get you awake, although you were blatantly exhausted, your teacher would certainly give you detention if she caught you.

Wiping his hands on his jeans, Peter willed his heart to stop beating so fast. It didn’t listen. The nervous boy reached under the table, taking the hand that wasn’t holding your head up and - he held his breath - took it in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

The unfamiliar contact caused your eyes to fly open in surprise, while Peter let out a deep breath from beside you. He quickly removed his hand from yours (as much as he didn't want to), a blush forming on his freckled cheeks. You were about to turn to him, confused, but were cut off.

“Y/N? Do you know the answer?”

Your eyebrows raised in shock. Looking up to the front of the room, you met the gaze of your unamused professor.

Next to you, your partner hurriedly scribbled out something in the margin of his notebook before pushing it over towards your line of vision. Trying to discreetly look down, you read the words on the page with a shaky voice. “U-um. Yes? I mean, um, you would need to use Raoult’s Law.”

Your teacher nodded suspiciously,“Yes, that’s correct.” before focusing her attention on the white board behind her. When you sensed that she was no longer looking in your direction, you turned to Peter.

“Holy crap, thank you so much!” You whispered.

Peter shrugged, clicking his pen repeatedly, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to kick. “O-of course. I mean, it’s not like you wouldn’t do the same for me, wait, uh, I didn’t mean that you-” His cheeks darkened in color, if that was even possible.

You bit down on your lip in order to try and hide a smile. God, he was so cute. And he held your hand.

He held your hand.

It felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest from how fast it was racing. Did this mean-

Just then, the bell rang. The fucking bell rang. As students around you packed up their belongings and headed out, the two of you seemed glued down to your chairs. Both of you wanted to say something, anything, but neither of you could find the right words.

As more people funneled out, you decided it was now or never. You suddenly forgot about your disheveled hair and the fact that yesterday’s mascara was still kind of smudged under your eyes.

“Do you-”

“We should-”

You both blurted out at the same time, looking over at each other with eyes as wide as saucers. Your hand flew over your mouth, trying to conceal laughter, but when you saw Peter doing the same you decided to just let it go. Giggling like a toddler at your total awkwardness, your eyes met his.

You stopped laughing. “Um,”

“Uh, hey, you know what? Here.” reaching over to Peter’s spiral notebook that was still placed on top of the table, you scribbled something in the margin, similarly to how he’d done just minutes before when he totally saved your ass.

Except what you wrote wasn’t some Chemistry law. It was your phone number.

If he thought he was stuck before, Peter was really frozen in his seat now. He watched as you slid the notebook over to him with a shy smile, before picking up your backpack and walking out the door.

From the doorframe, you turned to meet his gaze one more time, grinning before heading to your next class.

Peter clutched the notebook in his arms, close to his chest, where he could still feel his heart racing.

“Parker, get out of here!” The teacher demanded, causing the blushing boy to practically jump out of his chair and race out the door to find Ned and tell him everything.

Tags: @nedslaptop

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Withstanding The Test Of Time Ch2 - Shalaska - pureCAMP

A/N - thank you so much to everyone who voted for me or nominated me in aqficawards!! i’m stupidly flattered and i love you all, this long one goes out to you and also to my lovely “clique” <3

Two excruciating weeks was the exact length of time Sharon was forced to stay in the Belli residence. Though she felt bad for it, she’d felt as though she was counting every hour until she was allowed to leave. Willam and Courtney were fun for nights out, and Farrah was cute in the occasional visit, but two weeks of domestic life in a suburban home had cemented a few new facts in Sharon’s mind.

One, Willam and Courtney were a disgusting couple. Since Courtney had worked from home for a while, she would see Willam out of the door each morning, baby Farrah balanced on her hip, both of them waving as he left. When he came home, she greeted him at the door with a lingering kiss and a smile, excitedly telling him about her day and listening to him talk about his. Their eyes seemed to sparkle whenever they looked at one another, and even when they argued – a domestic argument about washing up duties, no less – it still ended with kisses and hugs. All of this was within view of Sharon, stranded pathetically on the couch, unable to escape the suffocating atmosphere of love and family life.

Second, if she thought daytime TV was bad, children’s TV was infinitely worse. In fact, she needed to backtrack. Daytime TV could be quite enjoyable, and Sharon was partial to some Nancy Grace or Jeremy Kyle if the occasion arose. But children’s TV was quite honestly the most over-produced, artificial garbage her eyes had ever looked upon. If one more skinny, pig-tail wearing brunette grinned whilst inches away from the screen, or terrifying alien-like creatures pretended they couldn’t find their friends, she was going to explode. How could there be so many identical programmes on TV? Little Farrah giggled and clapped at all of them, thoroughly enjoying herself, and even whilst working Courtney would chuckle a little here and there.

Third, and possibly the most significant thing Sharon had learned, was that she was positive now that the soulmate life wasn’t for her.

Willam and Courtney were just so perfect. They were a hive mind – what one wanted, the other wanted too – and had this amazing team dynamic where things just seemed to get done equally, and fast. They were affectionate and beyond in control of their lives and twenty four years old living the American dream of sorts.

Sharon knew she wasn’t ready for anything like that. Nor would she ever be.

It was a relief to be back at work – and that was something Sharon thought she’d never feel. Despite hating her co-workers, being able to stand up on her own and be in an environment of entirely adults was completely refreshing. She probably shouldn’t have been in heels so soon after recovering, but it was really all or nothing. Surviving in the office with the Real Housewives of Office 7B was a fucking challenge, and the last thing Sharon needed was to deal with their obnoxiousness and be shorter than them. At the very least, she needed to match their stiletto-boosted height.

“Hey, Sharon Needles!” A lazy voice called. “You look so pretty today! I heard grey is a really in colour for fall this season. Seems like your corpse-spinster complexion will finally be cool.”

Kimora seemed impressed with her own read, subtly high-fiving Pearl as the other girls around them started to laugh. Honestly, it was like Sharon had suddenly regressed back into fucking high school, only these girls were richer, prettier, and smarter.

“Oh, fuck you.” Sharon dismissed her, ducking her head down on her way to her desk as the girls jeered at her lack of a response. She really didn’t have the energy to fight back against their cattiness, and the days usually went by quicker when she managed to grin and bear it.

Thankfully, no one pursued her, and Sharon made it to her desk in one piece. The surface was definitely tidier than she’d left it – the scattered pens had been replaced into their stands, the assorted paperwork was neatly ordered in a pile, and the endless amount of post-it notes that were stuck all around her monitor had been neatly stuck in a row along the bottom of the computer screen. By the looks of things, Sasha had taken the liberty of tidying her things whilst she’d been away.

That wasn’t the only thing Sasha had done. Carefully placed in the middle of the desk was a small card, most likely handmade, with Sasha’s swirly handwriting on the front. Sharon smiled briefly as she sat down, opening the card to read the sweet ‘get well soon’ message that had been written inside, along with a few scribbled hearts and a short message from Shea too. She made a mental note to thank her as she switched on the monitor, shuffling her chair closer and relaxing a little. At least Sasha wouldn’t make the day hell for her.

Sharon’s desk was right next to Sasha’s, which was a total polar opposite to how Sharon’s usually appeared. Her desktop was messy, disorderly, and stained with coffee. Her computer screen still had the generic company background, overshadowed by the plethora of tabs and documents that she had open, which she’d rapidly switch between during the rare times she was actually at her desk. The only personal items she had was a small bottle of sun lotion in her drawer and a former Halloween decoration that was supposed to dance once activated, but hadn’t worked in years.

Sasha on the other hand was the epitome of organisation. Everything had its place and was just so, prettily organised in colours and everything stacked neatly where it needed to be. She’d personalized her computer screen to show a photograph of her and Shea on a vacation to LA the previous year, and her desk may as well have been a second home. Sharon envied Sasha’s ability to make anywhere feel homely, but she imagined it was a skill the woman had been born with.

It wasn’t long after Sharon had switched on her monitor that Sasha arrived, professionally dressed with her own quirky flare and warm smile to match. She greeted Sharon with a lingering hug and one of her famous smiles, before sitting at her own desk to begin her latest article.

“I’m so glad you’re back, Sharon, it’s been so boring without you. The office feels wrong without you being here.”

Sharon suspected Sasha was just being kind – as was in the woman’s nature – but nevertheless she appreciated the compliment. With a wry smile, she ran a hand through her hair and nodded.

“I bet the bitches have missed me so much. Having to make their own coffee? Oh, the horror!”

Sasha laughed. “To think I had to deal with them alone, I can never come up with mean comebacks the way you do. I’m glad you’re doing better now, though. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard you’d been hit.”

Sharon hummed. “It was awful. Not so much the accident, but spending two weeks with Willam, Courtney, and Nugget. I miss my crappy apartment and being alone. I’m pretty sure being surrounded by happy families is only making me more and more certain that it’s not the life for me. I swear Willam and Courtney wake up happy. I’m a monster morning and night.”

“Oh, Sharon,” Sasha chastised jokingly. “I’m a monster too, you and me both. Monsters can be happy too, you know. It takes time and hard work but it can happen. And if you’re worried about…” She trailed off, her eyes drifting down to Sharon’s arm, still wrapped in a bandage but thankfully out of the sling. “…you know… you still have time. Things can change.”

Time. Sasha was well-meaning, but she couldn’t have picked a worse word to say. Fucking time. As if it wasn’t bad enough to hate timers, now the very word made Sharon dizzy and nauseous. Even when she’d had to change bandages or shower, she’d kept the accusing timer firmly covered, not even peeking at it once. She couldn’t bring herself to look at it.

“I-I… I don’t –”

Before Sharon could elaborate any further, a voice from across the room started yelling.

“Sharon! Hey! Sharon! Decaf, no sugar or milk! And be quick about it!” Sharon stood up to see Violet, a couple of rows of desks away, her sculpted eyebrows raised expectantly. Sasha rolled her eyes in sympathy.

Although she’d been half tempted to deliver Violet a fully caffeinated, sugary mug of coffee, Sharon had less of a death wish than her wilful running in front of cars may have suggested. For the sake of a quiet life, she kept her grumbling to a minimum as she played barista, watching out for stray heeled feet in case someone tried to trip her once again. Violet, as usual, accepted without any thanks and simply flicked her wrist to dismiss her. Normally, Sharon would have argued, but she didn’t have the energy.

“Ugh.” Sharon groaned, sinking back into her seat and continuing her pointless article about celebrity relationships – because of course, everywhere she went, the topic of love had to haunt her. “Fucking Violet. She treats me like I’m some eighteen-year-old intern with zero qualifications other than coffee-making. I fucking can’t with her.”

“She’s so rude, I have to agree. It doesn’t take any more energy to be kind than it does to be mean.” Sasha added thoughtfully. “What were you saying before she interrupted?”

Sharon blanched. “I – uh – not here. I don’t wanna… not right now. M-Maybe we can talk later?”

“How about lunch? We can talk then.”

For the most part, the morning had passed smoothly. Nobody else made Sharon chase drinks and documents – except for Gia, who asked for a drink and decided after one sip she didn’t want it after all – and she actually managed to get a little bit of work done. Soon enough, Top Ten Celebrity Soulmates That’ll Melt Your Heart would be published to the company website. Sharon was embarrassed to even have her name on the tagline; it was a poorly devised Buzzfeed parody-wank. Even the language used in the article was painful, the words having a gloriously artificial, joyful tone to them that was utterly foreign to Sharon’s dialect. Still, she reasoned, it had to be something.

Even so, her eyes had been constantly drawn to the small digital clock at the bottom right of her computer screen. The ticking of the wall clock in the centre of the room had seemed louder somehow, slicing through time with each tick. Sharon was suddenly hyper-aware of time passing, and everything seemed to be happening too quickly.

Sasha had left a few minutes earlier to collect her lunch from the communal fridge, and the office was empty with the exception of Sharon at her desk. She’d been mindlessly refreshing her emails, zoning out at the depressingly barren inbox, hoping someone wanted her to write something. Anything.

“Hey, girl. You wanna join us for lunch?” Sasha called, pulling Sharon out of her thoughts. She turned, spotting Sasha stood nearby with Mrs Taylor, one of the assistant managers.

After a moment of thought, Sharon shook her head. “I’m okay. I think I’ll just eat at my desk.”

Sharon ate at her desk nearly every day. It was lonely, and a little awkward, but she’d rather deal with the silence than the grating vocals of Gia, Kimora, Violet and anyone else who found amusement in Sharon’s discomfort.

Sasha seemed to murmur something to Mrs Taylor, and with an encouraging nod, abandoned the assistant manager to sit next to Sharon at her desk. She offered another of her warm smiles as she approached and fixed Sharon with her usual concerned gaze.

“Are you okay to talk now? If I’m pushing you then please let me know because that’s not my intention at all, I just want to find out if you’re okay. You seem quiet today.”

Avoiding Sasha’s gaze was impossible. The woman was so genuinely, sincerely caring that trying to hide anything from her just felt wrong. Sasha wanted to help. She was the only person Sharon saw on the regular who had time for her and her life.

Sharon pursed her lips as she tried to think of where to begin. “I… can you keep a secret?”

Sasha nodded. “Of course.”

“It’s…” She trailed off. “I’m sorry. I don’t talk about this, but I guess… You’re really the only person who takes the time to understand my stance on things… you don’t judge me, you listen. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

Sasha placed a hand reassuringly on Sharon’s shoulder. “Don’t apologise, I’ll always be here to listen if you need me. I’m guessing this is about timers?”

Unsuccessfully, Sharon tried to control her involuntary wince. It was blatantly obvious that she’d reacted to the word, but thankfully Sasha was kind enough to ignore it and pretend she hadn’t noticed. Sharon knew there was no way she hadn’t – Sasha was easily one of the most perceptive and intelligent people she’d met, perhaps ever – but she appreciated her efforts in covering for her.

“Yeah. Yeah. Did yours… ever change?” Sharon bit her lip. “Other than just counting down?”

“Never.” Sasha shook her head. “It just went steadily down to zero, and then a month later I married Shea. Wh-”

Before Sasha could finish her sentence, Sharon swore loudly, cutting her off. Within seconds her palms had grown sweaty, her skin flushed red as her heart beat rapidly.

A month.

How could she have forgotten? It was one of the things Sharon despised the most, one of the laws she protested the most fiercely. So long as you were over eighteen, you had to marry your soulmate within a month of your timer reaching zero! The law had never been changed, regardless of how much Sharon and Bianca had poured their time into arguing against. How, how, how it had slipped her mind?

“Shit. Shit shit shit fuck fuck. Sasha! A month. A fucking month. Holy shit.”

She was trembling, hardly able to breathe. Sasha noticed her beginning to panic, her chest rising and falling too quickly, her breaths becoming short and shallow. She was becoming more and more frantic by the second.

“Here,” Sasha said quickly, grabbing Sharon by the hand and supporting her practically limp body as she dragged her towards the toilets. Once they were inside, Sasha furtively checking that the stalls were empty, she forced Sharon to drink from the small fountain in the corner and gently splashed her face with a little bit of water from the tap.

“Breathe, breathe,” She murmured calmly, rubbing soothing circles on Sharon’s back. “You’re okay, don’t panic. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Sharon wasn’t sure when she’d started crying. She hadn’t even noticed, what with the water being splashed on her face, but the unmistakably hot, salty tears had started to flow beyond her control. She hiccupped slightly and rubbed her eyes, doubly certain that for once, Sasha was actually incorrect.

“No it’s not.” She sniffed. “I completely forgot. A month, I-I don’t even have that. Sasha, what –”

Sasha interjected as politely as she could. “Sharon, Sharon, girl. Take a second to breathe and think, you can do this. I want to help you.”

Sharon remembered one of her old high school teachers giving a famous lecture to the school. They happened frequently, they were boring, but one of them had stuck with her ever since it had happened. The woman had stood in front of everyone, leaning closely against the podium before her, and told them all about courage. She probably had rambled on for longer than Sharon cared to listen to, but at the very least she’d remembered the key message. All you need is five seconds of courage to get you into a situation. Then you have to push through it because you’ve made it happen.

“My timer ran out two weeks ago.”

You have to push through it.

Sasha listened intently, shock evident in her wide eyes, as Sharon talked. It was the first time Sharon had actually recounted the full story out loud, rather than mulling it over in her head like some sadistic form of self torture. It felt more than ever like the number two was haunting her. Two years had decreased to two minutes. She had a marriage approaching in two weeks. Soulmates were everywhere, the fundamental idea of two hearts joining to make one. When was one decided to be not enough?

It was happening. In a mere two weeks, Sharon would have to get married. She couldn’t refuse, she couldn’t not turn up, she couldn’t fight against the law she’d protested so often. No amount of signs or slogan t-shirts could get her out of this one. Whether she liked it or not – in this case, not – in two weeks time she would be a married woman.

At the end of it all, Sasha pulled Sharon into a tight hug and squeezed her, one hand rubbing her back as she let her friend bury her face into her blazer. Sharon had long stopped crying but that didn’t mean that she was calm by any means – her breaths were still shorter and quicker than ever before. Sasha herself bore no ill-will towards soulmates at all, but she took care to understand everyone’s view and knew just how deeply Sharon hated them. She knew her co-worker had been secretly hoping that those two years would never come, and now she had to get married in a fortnight. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was feeling.

“Do…” Sasha approached the subject cautiously. “Do you know who it is?”

Sharon shook her head. “I haven’t looked. I-I can’t. There still t-tape over it.”

“Right.” Sasha fell silent. “Can I?”

“A-As long as I don’t see it, I guess… But you can’t tell anybody. This – this has to stay quiet.”

It only took a moment for Sharon to close her eyes, roll back her sleeve and allow Sasha to peel back the tape and have a look. Once she had the name memorised, she covered the timer up again and pulled Sharon into yet another hug. They lingered for a little while longer that time, Sasha waiting until Sharon’s breathing had started to return to normal before releasing her.

“You wanna head back to the office? Lunch break is nearly over, you haven’t even eaten.”

Sharon shrugged. “I’m not hungry anyway. Let’s just go back.”

People were beginning to filter back into the office in dribs and drabs when the pair emerged from the bathroom. Sasha had done her best to help clean Sharon up, wiping away smudged makeup and tidying up her appearance, but it was still glaringly obvious from her red eyes that she had been crying. Regardless, Sharon sat down at her desk and waited for someone to give her an order, knowing she wouldn’t have time to get started on any work before the demands came flooding in. Meanwhile, Sasha was scrolling through a variety of social media pages and Google results, muttering under her breath as she worked.

“Sharon? Will you come here please?”

Just as she’d predicted. Although the voice sounded sweet, the owner of it was anything but. Behind her artificial smile lay a venomous tongue and her immaculately painted eyes masked a cold, unfeeling stare. Sharon rose from her seat and made her way over to the Latina beauty, mentally preparing herself for the faux niceness.

“What do you want, Val?” Sharon deadpanned, too drained to bother injecting a note of happiness into her voice.

“It’s Valentina.” She corrected, baring her teeth in her trademark perfect smile. “I need you to take these papers for me and deliver them to the managers on the top floor. Quick quick.”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Which managers?”

Valentina’s eye twitched. “Mrs Moore and Mrs Hides.”

Sharon probably could’ve prolonged the strange, forced conversation between her and Valentina – for example, asking why she referred to them as Mrs Moore and Mrs Hides when everyone knew them as Peppermint and Charlie – but the few short minutes of it were painful enough. Valentina directed Sharon towards a tall stack of papers to the left of her desk and then tapped away on her keyboard with her long nails, leaving Sharon to lift the gigantic stack and attempt to balance it against her chest.

After staggering towards the elevator at the far end of the office, Sharon readjusted her stance so she could try and press the buttons on the wall, her chin steadying the mountain of files clutched precariously in her other arm. Once she’d finally reached outwards, she heard a snigger and a voice.

“The elevator is broken, by the way.”

Sharon didn’t even bother looking at Violet before making her way over to the stairs, cursing under her breath. She was in heels, for Christ’s sake, and trying to carry a ten-ton stack of filed paperwork on a recently-healed broken arm. Was there no sympathy? Then again, nearly everyone in the office was absolutely ruthless. Considering all they did was produce articles by typing at computers all day, Sharon had no idea where all the anger came from. Nevertheless, what she did know was that it was all directed at the fucking intern.

At the end of the long journey up the flights and flights of stairs that the office possessed, a red-faced, exhausted Sharon reached the top floor, managed to palm off the stack of papers to Peppermint’s assistant, and made her way down all of the stairs and into her seat before anyone else could heckle her to do something for them. She’d been given permission to leave work early due to her so-called precarious state, and if she could get through her last hour with minimal movement, her weakened legs would thank her.

“Hey… Sharon?” Sasha greeted her as she sat back down. “I hope you don’t mind that I did this, I looked up the name that’s on your timer.”

Sharon stiffened. “And?”

“Do… do you wanna know anything about her? I won’t mention any names if you don’t want me to.”

Sasha chewed her lip, looking so uncertain that Sharon relented. They were friends, after all, and Sasha only wanted to be kind.

“Okay, why not.”

“Hm…” Sasha pondered as she stared at her screen, choosing select pieces of information. “I think she works as some sort of counsellor, by the looks of things. She’s tall. Blonde, very very pretty…”

She trailed off, gently touching Sharon’s arm. “The two of you might get along really well. You never know until you try, Sharon.”

Sharon sighed. “What does it matter? I have to marry her in two weeks whether I like her or not.”

At that, Sasha fell silent. Part of Sharon wanted to be satisfied that her pessimistic argument had won, but she often relied on Sasha to help lift her mood when she felt down. Silence meant that there wasn’t a way Sasha could use her big brain to twist the words into something a little more positive.

She worked her final hour in a glum silence, fetching and carrying a little, but mostly chipping away at another small and pointless article. At least it was work, she reasoned. It was mind-numbingly boring, and more than once her mind wandered down to the accusing piece of glass implanted into her arm.

Tall. Blonde. Pretty. Admittedly, she did sound like a catch. If Sharon was allowed to date freely and love whoever she wanted, rather than be forced into marrying the name on her timer, she’d probably be head over heels for this mystery woman. But on principle, she found herself disliking the image in her head. It didn’t matter how striking her looks may be, it was wrong that they had so little time to know one another before the nuptial agreement took away their freedom.

As it struck one, Sharon gathered her things and hastily made her way out. Willam’s car was in the car park – which was confusing, since he hadn’t said anything about picking her up. He stuck his head out of the window as she approached, waving wildly and only ducking inside once Sharon had climbed into the passenger seat.

“Good afternoon my wonderful, wonderful best friend.” Willam said sweetly. “Thought I’d be a good Samaritan and drop you home, save you the effort.”

Sharon was instantly suspicious. “Alright, cut the sh-” She looked behind her, spotting baby Farrah in the baby-seat and hurriedly backtracking. “Nevermind. Why are you being fake nice, what do you want from me? What have you done?”

“Sharon!” Willam sounded affronted. “Don’t accuse me of wanting something from you! I would never do something like that.”

“Spill.”

“…Courtney is having a party tonight with some friends from her work and I need someone to be there that I can hang out with without wanting to die. Please show up or else I’ll die.”

Sharon started to laugh. Willam always cracked so easily, the pair knew each other too well to keep up any charade for longer than a minute. Even though he was laughing too, there was a hint of begging in his eyes as he started the car and begin driving towards Sharon’s apartment.

“Please? I won’t make you look after Nugget, I won’t bully you, you have to do this for me. Come on, common ground. I may have changed but I hate those women as much as you do.” He pleaded.

Sharon had to give him that one. Courtney worked as a marriage therapist, a unique and fairly well-paying job in their society. They dealt with ‘problem’ soulmate cases – anything from felons and victims to anti-timer people who found themselves trapped in a wedding band. In rare cases they allowed divorces to happen, for example if abuse or any other factors were causing harm, but most of the time the therapists worked through couple’s issues so they could be the perfect little soulmates they were intended to be.

In fairness, Courtney was one of the nicer ones. She wasn’t obnoxious about her own marriage, or her job, but some of the people she worked with were downright revolting. Even though Willam had changed his tone on timers since his had ran out, he still bore an old hatred for those therapists.

Sharon nodded. “Fine, deal. But –” She held up her index finger, ready to make her terms. “Next time the two of us go out and get fully smashed, you’re paying. Uber and all. And you’re not allowed to cop out at 11pm claiming that you’re needed at home. Deal?”

Willam grunted. “Deal. I hate you.”

“How do I need to dress for your fu – for your party then?”

Willam shrugged. “Just look smart, that’s all you need to do. I’ll pick you up at 7?”

“Shi – wow, you really are desperate for my company. It’s nice to be wanted. I’ll be ready by then.” Sharon snorted, a touch of sympathy entering her words.

“Great.” Willam finalized. “Now get out of my car.”

Seven o’clock rolled around depressingly slow. Sharon supposed that was the result of being bored and alone in a shitty flat, so she’d spent the last few hours taking her sweet time getting ready. It wasn’t like she was going to put much effort in anyway; Courtney would always upstage her and besides, the women she worked with were bound to make sly comments anyway. Willam owed her one.

Naturally, he turned up ten minutes late with a well-fitted suit and his hair neatly combed back, making Sharon’s short dress and black purse look ridiculously cheap – which they were. Before he pushed open the front door, he warned her of Courtney’s tipsy state, wincing as his wife pulled Sharon into a tight hug and thrust her into the room. Wine glasses were scattered around the place and predominantly women seemed to fill every space. Despite Willam’s attempts to tug Sharon into the kitchen away from the hubbub, Courtney insisted on forcing her to meet everyone before letting her go.

“-who else have I missed, hm…” Courtney stared around the room, trying to find a face she hadn’t forced Sharon to speak to yet.

“Oh! I know!”

And then Sharon saw her.

Tall. Blonde. Pretty. Worked in counselling.

Alaska.

All of the pieces suddenly came together.

“What a horrible first impression for a s-”

“Shh!” Willam hissed, cutting the girl off. “Whatever you do, don’t say the s word around Sharon. Look, she’s alive. Don’t stress, Alaska.”

It was so obvious now.

“Sorry, sorry,” Alaska murmured profusely. “I’m trying to stop getting upset. That’s such a bad first impression and they always say first impressions matter and I always wanted my s-”

How hadn’t she seen the signs?

“No, no, listen to me. I’m saying this because I care about you, Alaska, but I also care about Sharon. I hate having to burst your bubble because I know how you feel about all this, but Sharon does not feel the same way. Look, I agree with you, I personally think it’s dumb, but she’s extremely set in her ways. If you even wanna be her friend, you gotta tone it down.”

Of course.

Her vision tunnelled, her gazed fixed on the eyes of the woman who couldn’t help but stare back, transfixed. Her mind ran at a mile a minute.

Alaska knew. Courtney knew. Willam knew and had purposely kept it from her. In two weeks time, she was the one Sharon would have to marry.

“Excuse me.” Sharon muttered tersely, and dashed out of the room.

#purecamp #withstanding the test of time #shalaska #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #sasha velour #willam belli #courtney act #witney #valentina #rpdr fanfiction #submission #soulmate au #lesbian au

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perfectlyrose · 7 years

Text

Golden Future

Summary: The Doctor is rather fascinated by an anachronistic blonde with impossible timelines that he stumbles across on a asteroid bazaar.

Pairing: Eight/Rose

Rating: all ages // Word Count: 1414

Note: For Nancy ( @chocolatequeennk ) on the occasion of the anniversary of her birth ♥♥ Happy Birthday my dear! This isn’t quite canon-compliant but it’s close-ish :)

AO3

The Doctor watched the incongruous blonde in blue leather wander from table to table on this backwater asteroid bazaar. She seemed familiar but he was positive he would remember meeting her if he had. Even with his occasional memory gaps and lapses, he knew he would recall meeting someone with timelines like hers.

Time danced around her, golden strands glimmering and glittering as they twisted and turned. There was an infinitude of them, like she had once had the entirety of time at her fingertips and in her grasp, as impossible as that was for someone who appeared to be human from his short observation.

He was rather mesmerized, to be quite honest.

The Doctor pushed off the building he was leaning against, brushed off his velvet frock coat and headed towards her, curiosity getting the better of him. He trailed behind her for a few minutes, watching as she chatted with the vendors in broken Yilutian. The Doctor was impressed she knew as much as she did as it was a difficult language for a humanoid to pronounce at the best of times.

He was following her to the next stall when she stopped suddenly and whirled around to face him. She crossed leather-coated arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow as she flicked her eyes over him, obviously assessing his threat level.

“If you’re going to follow me around, you might as well introduce yourself,” she said. English was her language of choice this time, with a London accent if he wasn’t mistaken.

“Terribly rude of me, I apologize,” he answered with his most charming smile, watching the shock play over her face at his own English accent. “I was just curious.”

“About what?” She narrowed her eyes and shifted, subtly getting ready to make a run for it if she needed to. He was rather impressed by her readiness. She must have been traveling for quite some time.

“Oh, just the fact that humans don’t make it to this asteroid for another century at least and yet you seem to be here anyways,” he said mildly, smile never dropping.

“You so sure that I’m human?” she retorted.

The Doctor peeked at her dancing timelines again. They were almost blinding now that he was closer to her and still just as undecipherable.

“Not entirely,” he admitted.

She snorted and looked like she was considering walking away when she turned back eyes wide and alight with hope. “You said humans wouldn’t get here for another century, yeah?”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“You could only know that if you were a time traveler,” she said, gaze now searching, looking at him as something other than a potential threat.

He wasn’t entirely sure what she thought he potentially was now but he was less than surprised at her obviously being a time traveler as well. That would account for some of the knots and twists in her timelines. Not for the dancing or the sheer amount, but for some of the complexity.

“I suppose that’s true as well,” The Doctor said with a smile. “You must be as well.”

Her mouth twisted into a sad smile. “Used to be.”

“Could I interest you in a cup of tea?” he blurted out before he really thought the better of it. Something inside of him insisted that this woman should never be sad, that he should always try to make her happy.

He wasn’t sure where that urge came from but he was going to listen to it for now.

“Don’t think they sell any ‘round here,” she said, gesturing to the bazaar around them.

“I have some on my ship.”

She looked at him carefully. “Alright, that sounds like a bit of a line but I haven’t had a decent cuppa in a week so lead the way!”

He offered her his arm and felt his hearts lighten and trip over themselves when she giggled and took it.

Curious.

“So, you don’t look like a Time Agent,” she ventured after a few moments of silence.

He made a face. “Those idiots are amateurs who should never have been allowed time travel technology.”

She laughed again. “You sound just like someone I used to know. Used to rail about the Time Agency even when a former agent was travelling with us.”

“They’re astonishingly irresponsible with the Web of Time,” he agreed.

“So if you’re not a Time Agent, how do you go about traveling?”

“I’ve got the best ship in the universe,” he boasted, chest puffing out a bit. “She can take me anywhere.”

The blonde’s smile was impish and looked like it was about to burst into a full-fledged grin at any moment. “Full of it, you are.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, used to travel with a friend in his ship but these days I’m going solo with some experimental tech. Trying to get back home,” she shrugged. “Taking longer than I was hoping it would.”

“I might be able to help,” he offered. “I’m good with tech or I could just give you a lift.”

“Might take you up on that,” she replied with a soft smile. “You remind me a lot of the friend I used to travel with, honestly, the one I’m trying to get back to.”

“Thought you said you were trying to get home?”

She bit her lip before answering. “He is my home. Him and his ship. Promised I was gonna stay with him forever and I’m trying to keep that promise.”

“He’s a lucky man,” the Doctor said. “What’s his name?”

“The Doctor,” she said, affection and love and longing all evident in her voice.

It felt like a lightning bolt had hit him, hearing his own name, and he stopped in his tracks, looking down at the blonde in awe.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, letting go of his arm, obviously confused.

“You said the Doctor?” he asked, needing to hear it again.

“Yeah. Do you know him?”

Perhaps this is why she felt so familiar, he thought. She was from his future.

“My dear, I am the Doctor.”

Her face paled and she took a step closer, searching his eyes. He let her, staring back as he let some of his shields fall away. It felt like she would see right through them anyways.

“Doctor?” She rested a hand on the center of his chest, right between his hearts.

The hope in the single word nearly broke him. What had she been through trying to get back to a future him? What had separated them in the first place? If his own reaction was anything to go by, his future self wouldn’t have wanted them to be apart any more than she did. She didn’t seem to be fazed by the fact that he looked different than the version of him that she knew which implied that she’d been with him through a regeneration and had stayed . There weren’t many who did that.

He had a feeling that this woman was going to be extremely dear to him.

“I believe we have a lot to talk about,” he said. “My offer of tea and a lift still stands.”

“I’m definitely gonna take you up on that now,” she said. “Hopefully the TARDIS can scrounge up some of my favorite blend. Wasn’t able to find any where I’ve been recently.”

“We’ll just have to find out,” he replied. Her timelines brightened when she talked about the TARDIS so fondly and he had a sneaking suspicion that his ship would do anything for her. “May I ask your name, first? I feel at a bit of a disadvantage.”

She laughed and slid the hand that had been on his chest into one of his, twining their fingers together like it was her right. He couldn’t find it in him to argue even a little bit, not when it felt so perfect.

“My name’s Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you for the first time, Rose Tyler.”

“And it’s better than you could ever imagine to meet you again,” she said, grinning up at him.. “Now take me to your ship. I’ve been away from home for way too long.”

“Your wish is my command,” he promised as he tugged them in the direction of the TARDIS, the words echoing in his head oddly like they were from a timeline not yet lived by him.

He had a golden future forward to, he could already tell.

#ficandchips #eight x rose #chocolatequeennk #happy birthday nancy!!!#have some eight/rose reunion fluff #well...kind of reunion?#it counts okay #ily ♥#i wrote this

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piratesandexplorers · 7 years

Text

I’m quite enjoying these self-indulgent rambles about my childhood faves, so here’s another. The other day I talked about Nancy and Peggy Blackett. Today I’m going to attempt some thoughts on John and Susan, since I don’t think I stand a chance of getting all the Walkers into one post.

So here you are: The Captain and Mate of the Swallow.

I’ve always loved John and Susan, even though I can understand the people who find them boring. I think it’s refreshing to see characters like them represented in kids’ fiction. You might say John’s too serious, or even that Susan’s plain unrealistic for a child (I’ll talk about that in a bit), but in what other children’s book do you see such a range of different children with different skills and qualities, all celebrated for what they can do and the important role they play? I was never a Susan - I didn’t have her skills or any motivation to learn them, and I was much too disorganised. But I could understand her worries, and John’s too. I was also naturally a rule-keeper, not a rule breaker. I cared about what my parents would say, what strangers might think, and I noticed risks and worried about them. I wanted to do the right thing, and John and Susan are all about that. So in those ways, I always identified with them a bit. And I also loved their relationship with each other, because it’s based on kindness and mutual respect, and that only increases throughout the books.

The truth is, yes, John is a bit too serious. He is, especially in the early books, a bit inward-looking; he takes himself very seriously and puts a lot of weight and importance on his own actions and how people see him. But that’s not very unusual in a kid his age, especially (I think) in a kid who’s the oldest in a large family, and who has a father who is someone important. And of course, the fact that Ted Walker is away most of the time plays into that too. In his absence, Ted’s built up into almost a hero figure for John. It helps that when he is around, he seems to be a great dad who takes an interest and a pride in his children, who loves them (and their mother) and shows it. So it’s natural enough that John would want to follow him, to become someone like that too.

One thing John never wants to do is let his parents down, and when he thinks he has done that, he beats himself up endlessly about it. Susan is the same, but their subtly different roles in the family mean that that’s one thing Susan worries less about than John does. Susan is responsible for providing regular meals and making sure everyone goes to bed on time and nobody hangs around in wet clothes and gets ill. She’s good at that, she knows she’s good at it, and generally she can still do it even under less-than-ideal circumstances, so she can rely on herself without worrying. John, though, is the one who ultimately makes decisions for the four of them. When Susan freaks out, it’s usually because someone’s actual safety is at risk, but John is at his most unhappy when he feels that he, personally, has failed at something. Partly it’s his need to succeed, and partly it’s his need not to let his parents down, but really you can’t separate those two things for John. Success is making his family proud, and being as much like his father as possible.

I don’t think we see that lessening at all in John, and I think it’s probably going to be a motivating factor for him all his life. What we do see is a growing confidence; the more he does to prove himself, the less he needs to prove himself. In the early books, we see him make mistakes, mostly due to stubbornness and pride. And yes, there’s an element of competitiveness with the Amazons, but really the only person John’s competing against is himself. The amount of growing up the kids do within the books is subtly drawn, without many references to their actual ages or outside milestones, but for John the main thing I see is that he goes from someone whose decisions are frequently misguided (although well-meaning), to being the one who usually makes the right call, and has the skills to follow through on that call.

But what I always come back to with John is that he’s just a thoroughly nice person, and again, that’s an often underrated characteristic in fiction. One of the things I’m most wary of about the recent film is how they seem to have butchered his personality. John Walker is polite and respectful. He may idolise his father, but he also loves, admires and trusts his mother. He’s kind to his younger siblings, enjoys their company and takes care of their wellbeing. On no occasion does he show any signs of seeing girls as anything but his absolute equals, or have any thought that they should be anything other than equal (a common trait in Arthur Ransome’s children, I have to add). He acknowledges when other people are more skilled or knowledgeable in a particular area than him, and is happy to defer to them, even if they’re younger than him. Sometimes he even does that when they’re not necessarily more qualified to take the lead than him, simply because it’s the respectful thing to do under the circumstances, for example in his attitude to Peggy in Winter Holiday. I have no doubt at all that John will get where he wants to go, and that he’ll be the kind of naval officer that all naval officers should be.

For all I love her, I’ve found Susan one of the hardest to pin down in words. There are all the obvious things to say – Susan is the rock of her family. She’s the mother hen of the group (the Mum Friend if we were talking about modern kids), she’s the rule-keeper, the sensible, responsible one, the one the adults trust. And (maybe more surprisingly), she likes that role. Those aren’t skills and characteristics she’s needed to develop – she has two loving, dependable parents and a comfortable, well-off life; there’s no necessity for her to look after anyone. It’s just who she is.

It’s easy to see why she might be labelled as boring or even unbelievable as a child character. There’s an argument to be made that Ransome created Susan as a plot device, as the only way such young children could actually be capable of living alone on an island. Supporting that, she’s also the character who shows the least obvious growth and development (because she’s the most grown up to start with). But even if that’s part of the reason he wrote her the way he did, I don’t think that’s all she is, and I don’t think that’s all Ransome saw her as.

Susan is in many ways also the emotional touchstone of the stories. She’s probably the one we see the most raw emotion from – examples include big moments like her complete terror in We Didn’t Mean to Go to Sea, and small ones, such as the expression Titty catches on Susan’s face when Mrs Tyson believes they started the fire in Pigeon Post. Susan behaves like an adult, and she also feels emotion in quite an adult way. She can’t live in the moment – she’s constantly thinking of all the risks and possible outcomes. And while most children have difficulty imagining a hypothetical situation with any real emotional depth and connection to it, Susan doesn’t – she feels a very adult horror associated with things that haven’t actually happened. The others, particularly Nancy and John (unsurprising, as they’re the oldest) show signs of that too now and again, but unlike them, Susan can’t brush it off or put it behind her easily.

Part of Susan’s realness lies in the contradictions in her character. She somehow manages to tread a line between being very decisive (and somewhat immovable in her decisions) and being an overthinker and a worrier. But Susan’s worries are less about herself and her own capabilities, and much more about outside circumstances and situations. She’s pretty confident in her own judgement, and because she’s capable of doing very quick thinking and seeing all possible outcomes in a short space of time, her judgements are usually good and sensible. The times when Susan comes apart are when there is no obvious right judgement – when she cannot take over and make everything right, because circumstances are outside her control. Those are Susan’s worst fears coming true.

As I say, she’s someone who’s hampered not by any lack of confidence in herself, but by her ability to see worst-case scenarios. It makes her over-cautious, scared of risk, and at times lacking in understanding of people who either can’t see the same thing, or are able to see it but continue anyway. Her preoccupation is with keeping everything safe, ordered and comfortable (with the emphasis on safe), and that blinkers her sometimes into seeing the world only from her own particular perspective. She struggles to see that there might be times that risk is justifiable, and she also struggles with the whole idea of imagination that’s so central to the series. Unlike the others, Susan doesn’t find much comfort in flights of fantasy, because if Susan lets her imagination go, it shows her all these unpleasant and nerve-wracking possibilities. She much prefers to stay within the safety of her own perimeters, the ones she’s carefully created and maintained herself, and she can get irritated when people try to drag her out of them.

Susan’s development as a character is less noticeable than some of the others, because a lot of it is about growing into herself. The ways she thinks and acts aren’t as unusual in someone in their mid-teens as they are in a ten-year-old. But she also gains a more developed sense of perspective, and a more nuanced view of the world. Her gifts (and they really are gifts) are the things that enable all their adventures, and I think Susan learns to see that, and therefore begins to find ways for them to enable her personally, instead of limiting her.

But I think that one of the most important things in Susan is that she learns to see the value in other people and their differing skills, priorities and views on the world. I can’t imagine the Susan of Secret Water being nearly as dismissive of Titty’s imagination (or dismissing things Titty claims to have seen and heard as only imagination) as the Susan of Swallows and Amazons is. Her relationship with Bridget is another lovely example of Susan growing kinder and more tolerant. And that’s going to be very important to Susan in developing adult relationships, because at some point (and I don’t think she’s quite got there even by the end of the series), she’s going to have to learn how to depend on other people, not just be the one everyone depends on.

#swallows and amazons #the swallows #john walker #susan walker #character meta #headcanons

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