#or is it like the equivalent of calling him a cop?

[wantonlywindswept]

but like why. why ‘blue boy’ tho

man was wearing bright orange

paz are you colorblind

[naranjapetrificada]

Tagging a post about a character with that character's name whether speaking positively or negatively about that character is actually just fine and should be encouraged when you're talking about that character.

[scientia-rex]

I feel like disappointment in Biden is baffling to me because he was always a disappointment. He was the asshole who got to ride to power on the coattails of a better man. He told bizarre and repeated lies (despite getting caught at it and his team telling him not to) about having a Welsh coal miner dad when he did not and he stole that story from actual Welsh people. I read a profile of him years back that pointed this out and told the story of the time he straight up ignored good advice from an expert not to plant a certain kind of tree too close together and flew a bunch of them out to plant, at night because he was just too fucking excited about it, and they all died. He’s not a smart man! He’s charismatic ish and lacks principles and as far as I can tell doesn’t really care about abortion rights or a lot of things we’d consider pretty critical to preserving freedom. I sincerely thought he couldn’t become President because there were so many obviously better candidates in the pool. I underestimated the sexism and antisemitism in American politics, and when he became the candidate in 2020 I gritted my teeth and voted for him because the alternative was a man who is not only an idiot but also profoundly dangerous. Trump is not ha-ha crazy, he’s Mussolini crazy. He is not dangerous because he’s stupid, although that doesn’t help; he’s dangerous because he does not care about anyone except himself under any circumstances and if that means he lets the far right push us straight into forced birth for white women and sterilization for women of color he’s going to do that. If that means conversion therapy for queers and death penalty for homosexual acts he’s going to do that. He has literally no limits. If he gets back into power, a whole lot of people are going to die, again. It’s not a hypothetical because it happened the first time and he’s only going to get worse.

I am not, never have been, and never will be a fan of Biden. To pretend that he and Trump are in any way equivalent is wrong at best and another goddamn Russian psy-op at worst. To pretend that a third party candidacy is viable in the US is to completely ignore every election of your lifetime and your parents’ lifetimes, and to further ignore the lesson of Ross Perot.

You cannot save Palestinians by not voting for Biden in November; the best you can do is chip away at his margin, and the worst you can do is see Trump elected so he can decide to do the worst possible thing in ever circumstance. Biden has Palestinian blood on his hands and watching this when we could have had Bernie or Elizabeth Warren instead is maddening. (I would have preferred Hillary to Trump, but I don’t think she’d be any different than Biden here. They’re both old-school politicians.)

I hate everything about this, and I hate that saying “maybe don’t put the man who literally said he would kill his political enemies in power” is seen as supporting genocide. It’s acknowledging reality. Joe Biden as a person can eat rocks for all I care. I was kind of hoping he’d die sooner in his term so we’d have time to get used to and then vote for President Harris. (Remember when the line was “she’s a cop, don’t vote for her”? Funny how there’s always a reason not to vote for a woman or a person of color or someone you just “don’t like” and can’t put a finger on why except she “seems angry.” Oh does she. How would she not? When Michelle fucking Obama, the picture of grace , STILL got called angry for having the nerve to be a Black woman with an opinion? When Hillary Clinton lost to a man with no political experience to her decades and who openly discussed sexually assaulting women? Would you have voted for President Harris? Or would you let Trump win again because you don’t LIKE her personally and she’s made decisions and statements you disagree with?)

Biden has both less power than his critics give him credit for and more power than his fans give him credit for. He needs to do more to pressure Israel and although it’s a delicate diplomatic situation I’d rather see us fuck up our diplomatic relationship with Israel than watch more Palestinians get murdered for things like “wanting to eat” and “existing.” The line has been crossed, and he doesn’t see it. Because he wasn’t the best person for the job. Because they didn’t get elected, because of sexism/antisemitism/racism. Hell, I have no idea what bootlicker Pete Buttegieg would have done here, but I’d have given him a try. But no. We got Biden and we’re stuck with this reality where you can be as leftist as you want and still have to look at the situation and decide whether you’re comfortable contributing to a Trump victory through inaction. I want socialism—I want every single person on Earth to have clean drinking water, enough safe food, shelter, medical care, and education—and I’m going to vote for Biden, pissy as it makes me, because the only actual alternative is so, so much worse, for me personally as both a woman and a queer, and for everyone in America and the rest of the world who Trump would find reasons to hurt. What do you think the man who openly and repeatedly praises dictators is going to do when those dictators massacre their own people? Yes, we need to care about this genocide now. We also need to care about all of the other people who are at real risk, both at home and abroad. Would a Trump government agree to fund military intervention in Haiti without insisting on it being a colonial exercise in power? Would a Trump government roll back the restrictions on discriminating against transgender patients in healthcare? How would Trump respond if Orban started dragging people into the streets and shooting them en masse? How would Trump respond if China finally went for it and invaded Taiwan? There are more lives at stake here than mine or yours or even those of the Palestinians, who have deserved better for literally decades and are being mass killed in ways that should result in immediate sanctions, a war crimes trial, and the execution of Netanyahu.

The world deserves better from you than complicity in a Trump victory.

[leupagus]

Guys I Might Have Three Nickels

I've been watching "Agatha Christie's Marple" for the past few days and it's pretty good! Marple adaptations all tend to have a better caliber of actors than a lot of bog-standard mystery shows (looking at you, "Madame Blanc"), and while Joan Hickson's Marple is right up there with David Suchet's Poirot and Jeremy Brett's Holmes as "literally can never be beaten, these are the best anyone's done it," both Geraldine McEwan and Julia McKenzie do a fantastic job as Miss Marple.

Then I got to "The Secret of Chimneys," Season 5 episode 2

and guys

Guys

So there's a murder of a viscount, like there is, and this detective Finch rolls up and immediately spots Miss Marple (in her NIGHTIE! standing at the window like some kind of hussy, honestly Jane) and doffs his cap to her with that little smile that makes you go, "huh."

At this point I've watched a couple dozen Miss Marple episodes where she goes through detectives like wildfire and this guy's supposed to be a "*guru*" so I'm expecting some battle of the egos or something and like, Stephen Dillane is great! But bleh, I might have to skip this one.

Then my dude asks Miss Marple to SHOW HIM THE BODY, with a pleased little smile at her as she goes "uhhhhhhhh but my knitting?" (He even does that thing where you use someone's honorific and wait for them to give you their name, and that's when I was like "ohhh this bitch knows exactly who she is.") What follows is what I can only describe as a meet-cute in the secret passageway where the viscount was shot (and in fact the body is STILL THERE) and where Miss Marple literally asks the police equivalent of "is there a Mrs Finch" and he looks at her like this:

At which point I'm like "ohhh my dude not only knows who she is, he deliberately came here without a sergeant so he could draft her," and sure enough he just starts...handing her pieces of evidence like "hey babe can you decipher this note for me thanks love you" while Miss Marple is like, "this approval and camaraderie coming from a cop... not sure if want."

Next is a series of romantic strolls through the gardens while they discuss murder, during which Finch reveals his undying love I mean his research into Miss Marple and the "dozen case files" of her previous exploits that he's collected like some deranged fanboy. Miss Marple responds to this by BLUSHING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL and stammering about how pish tosh it's nothing really, and I couldn't find a gif of it but he's staring at her like this:

Yeah I bet u r tempted

He also makes a half-hearted attempt at negging her "amateur sleuth" status, only to then immediately assure her that he makes like, so much money being a big fancy detective and can keep her in all the yarn and garden seed she could ever desire.

There's also a late-night tryst at the compost pile right after Finch has been (mildly) poisoned and Miss Marple is like "men are so weak" as she roots through the garbage for clues.

Not how he wanted their first date to go D:

The next morning there's another murder which: bummer, but also allows the two of them to read love letters together and for Finch to give Miss Marple the following look as she explains how secret assignations among lovers can "quicken the ardor":

Miss Marple then goes onto solve the murders and btw hands over the priceless diamond that's been literally missing for two literal decades that she found in her spare time. The entire scene features Finch looking at her like this:

After the dust settles, Finch and Miss Marple have a lovely moment where he calls himself "another one of your casualties," then super casually mentions that he's probably going to have to go on assignment to use the diamond in a daring international espionage case and I can't decide if he's asking Miss Marple to go with him or simply trying to show her that he is cool and smart and would make an excellent wife, but either way the episode ends with her turning him down and Jane, we need to talk about your priorities.

Anyway I've already written 2K about the subsequent 10-year epistolary romance these two have following this episode because I make poor choices.

[schnuffel-danny]

I can’t stop thinking about how Vlad is like the DP universe equivalent of some strange queer crossbreed between Elongated Muskrat and Jefferham Bezos AND he’s also Danny’s shitty uncle. But you would never even consider the two know each other, because Danny is just some guy, nobody would ever make a connection between him and Vlad unless you were close enough with either of them or you lived in AP. Imagine being Danny’s college roommate. Imagine how shocking and chaotic that would be. There's some random weird ass kid from some backwater town, that you can barely remember the name of, sharing a room with you. And like, he's chill for the most part. Weird as hell at times but easy enough to get along with. He brings up his uncle sometimes and the guy sounds more and more insane each time your roommate describes him. "What kind of pathetic old man gets into a prank war with a teenager?" "What do you mean he named his cat after your mom?? " "Why didn't you call the cops on him when he spiked your dad's drink at the New Year's party so he wouldn't have to listen to him?!!" Your roommate's creepy gross sad lonely uncle becomes kind of an inside joke between you and your friends. That's why, when your roommate announces that his uncle is coming to pick him up and drive him home for some important family event, you all gather near the parking lot to finally witness this myth of a man in real life. It's also why you nearly faint in shock when Vlad fucking Masters steps out of a car to greet your roommate who, without missing a beat, immediately calls him a bitch.

[lassieposting]

Clears throat

AHEM

Actual Detective* Garrus Vakarian noticing immediately when Shep's accessories - the paint she puts on her fingernails, the signature stripe on her armour, the dust she puts on her eyelids - start to skew towards what she calls "Vakarian blue". The shade his armour is, the shade his colony markings are. And being lowkey emotional about it because he's always kind of been the disappointment - the rebellious son, the mouthy recruit, the cop who quit, the failed vigilante - and he's never really been in a situation where someone whose opinion he cared about was proud of him and wanted to be associated with him, wanted to make it clear they're a matching set

* i see a lot of "garrus was basically a beat cop before shepard" but if you think about it. He's actually not

When he introduces himself in ME1, he says he was in charge of the investigation into Saren. He also mentions on the Normandy that c-sec didn't suck at first, but every time he got promoted it came with more red tape = he's a detective.

Corruption in a high-profile Spectre is not gonna be assigned to a rookie = he's a damn good detective

His personal quest and his comments when you talk to him around the citadel give insight into the kind of cases he worked at c-sec, which include black market trafficking and homicides.

He also speaks to Detective Chellick in a way that's familiar enough to imply they were work colleagues, and what's Chellick investigating? Black market gunrunning.

Anyway, my point: garrus wasn't a beat cop, he worked the turian equivalent of major crimes/vice/robbery homicide. And for someone who's only in his mid-twenties? That's like. impressive as fuck, his progression through the ranks must've been meteoric

He does talk about his time as a beat cop though - "My first posting at c-sec was here on the presidium. Mostly for show, not much crime up here."

[downtilts]

i do think it’s essential to their relationship that benson really does “fix” randy, at least in the way he wants to, which is to rid him of his shame/self-hatred so he can live life on his own terms. when they're in the diner at the end and randy looks at benson saying “i called the cops” he does it with such an insane expression of gratitude on his face, like he can’t believe it’s possible he did that, and he knows it's only thanks to benson. like he’s saying “benson, we did it” and he’s completely bought in to benson’s plan to fix him, and it just so happens that the natural conclusion of that plan was for randy to betray him, because the way benson made it all possible was by doing something unforgivable. but that’s the central tension of benson’s character for me… this tension between him being capable of doing these really horrific unforgivable things and then simultaneously capable of facilitating a truly profound and beautiful, permanent change within randy. and having the beautiful change only be possible because of the unforgivable things. in interviews johnny and kyle talk about “benson there were other ways to do this!!” but i think the story is the most interesting if you approach it with the premise that there actually were no other ways to do this. the only thing that could have possibly convinced randy to change is something this extreme. and randy realizes that and so develops this genuine gratitude toward benson. and so im sure randy has an inexplicable and difficult grief that haunts him now but he no longer believes in his own inherent unworthiness and he considers that a gift benson gave him and will never disrespect himself again because it would be equivalent to disrespecting benson's sacrifice. so he is able to live a good life

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': The Outpost

As per many people's requests, I've collected a series of texts and Facebook messages from Doug when he watched certain episodes of everyone's favorite Copy Paste Boi show.

Some he was quite pithy on ('Ryan-from-Accounting goes fast but not fast enough to get away from the Bitch Wife Laura'), and others...well, he got excitable, to put it mildly.

Here's one of the more deranged ones, Season 2, Episode 12, 'The Outpost'. Or as Doug calls it: "The Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special."

CW for Language like you wouldn't believe. Doug says "you'll need a permission slip from your momma to read this, I guess."

-----

Daddy Warcrimes is waiting by the Empire's equivalent of a windowless van, because comfort is just not his thing and he really wants the experience of smuggling cocaine across the border one of these days.

Some bitch who looks like she works at a bank is telling these clones that their extended warranty is up. I wanna bring her a bag of pennies and make her count it before I deposit it because I'm sick like that.

So here comes in SOME BLOND JACKASS. Mother of Hell do I hate this guy. Can I just tell you how much I hate him? I hate him like I hate the Crimson Tide, like I hate February, like I hate my mother-in-law. Hate hate hate. 

So Daddy Warcrimes, SOME BLOND JACKASS, and some homies get into Floating Probable Cause to lay waste to an unsuspecting Third World country or whatever.

Well, I was wrong! Looks like Elsa and her frozen fingers took over this dump. Disney owns both, so why not. The cold never bothered them anyway. Nope, they’re at somebody’s nasty old storage shed. Why does this remind me of visiting my sister in Wyoming?

Oh, who is this no-frills, salt-of-the-earth, son-of-a-bitch? Is that tanned Kurt Russell? No? It’s Sassy Park Ranger! I like him already. If he was my boss I’d actually show up to work on time and sober, or late and hung over, either way, it’d be a good time with the man. He just seems cool and chill and a nice dude. I bet he’s got homemade beef jerky in his locker and his beard always smells like cigar smoke. 

OH SHUT UP STUPID BLOND JACKASS, Jesus Christ I’ve never wanted to hit someone with a folding chair so hard in my life. CALL HIM COMMANDER.

Aw, Sassy Park Ranger’s being nice to Daddy Warcrimes, maybe Daddy Warcrimes will share the Columbian nose candy in the back of the van with Sassy Park Ranger, and Sassy Park Ranger won’t ask about the sobbing family Daddy Warcrimes is probably holding for ransom in the back. It’s all about understanding each other. 

This is truly the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas special, snow and friendship and stuff. I hope this doesn’t end up with Daddy Warcrimes 86’ing Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer from the sky, that would traumatize the children. But this is the same studio that produced Bambi so who knows. Didn't he try killing a kid the first episode?

Oh man, Sassy Park Ranger’s lost a lot of his men, that’s real sad. Only two left, Jesus. SHUT UP BLOND JACKASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

(I won’t repeat it, but the amount of times that SHUT UP was texted was….something else- Dr. MM)

Sassy Park Ranger’s taking Daddy Warcrimes on a hike around the place in the middle of a blizzard, probably going to say hi to the yeti hooker they all frequent and show him how to write his name in the snow with pee. He’s such a good guy. If they go sledding I’d be so happy.

Oh, shit! Daddy Warcrimes remembers that he has a job and proceeds to cop some poor bastard in the leg so he can follow the trail of blood in the snow. What in the Fargo am I watching here, does Steve Buschemi show up at one point now. No sledding in this one, I guess.

Well there goes Sassy Park Ranger and Daddy Warcrimes on a heartwarming romp following a crippled burglar in the snow as he bleeds to death. Kevin McCallister would be so proud. Well, now, they found a dead body already. You know, at this point, if Daddy Warcrimes capped Santa in the head this show wouldn’t be less wholesome. 

Aw shit Daddy Warcrimes stepped on a landmine, but Sassy Park Ranger watched his training videos that HR made them sit through and disarms it. They’re having a nice convo, I really, really like Sassy Park Ranger. If he dies I’ll be so freaking mad. 

(I said nothing, FYI - Dr. MM)

Aw shit, they found the bunker of crazy white people with guns in the snow. It’s confirmed: the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special takes place in Wyoming. Are Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger facing off my brother-in-law and his branch of the VFW near Laramie? Those guys need hobbies besides doomsday prepping and getting drunk in the snow. It ain’t right. 

“After all we sacrificed”…man. I feel right here. Is this the child friendly version of Enemy at the Gate? Shit. Please these two bastards need to survive. I need a beer and I wanna hug my wife.  

Dr. Meat Muffin, please don't tell me you're letting your babies watch this show. They need that dog from Australia who has fun with her daddy, not this.

Oh shit, avalanche! 

Oh no, Sassy Park Ranger. Oh no, oh no. Oh, Daddy Warcrimes.

Thank Christ they made it! They’re gonna save him! They’re gonna save him.

Wait. What. 

WHAT THE FUCK, BLOND ASSHOLE. 

I HATE THIS JACKASS SO GODDAMNED MUCH, SOLDIER OF THE EMPIRE, I WANNER SHOVE MY SOLDIER UP YOUR EMPIRE YOU STUPID DICK. 

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Yay! Daddy Warcrimes finally took out his gun and 86’d that FUCK. CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!

Man...I hope this ends okay for Daddy Warcrimes. I hope his brothers aren't just dicking around somewhere warm while he and the other bros are out dying.

Guess that'll be next episode?"

....Doug snapped SO HARD watching 'Pabu'. Brace yourselves.

[mintacle]

My hot take is that the same people who call Jason copaganda, pr-gunviolence or etc are from the same vein as people who blame schoolshootings on videogame violence, who blamed crime on Metal and satanism.

Instead of taking a critical look at a system within which a symptom of a problem is making itself known, you look if there is an outside influence, a kind of "virus" that you can blame for making it "sick".

DC comics are a little fucked up. That's the agreement you entered when reading them. All characters are inconsistent and sometimes in the wrong. Jason is a Bat, so at least it feels like he's maybe substantial enough to blame for the whole batclans issues, in a way that Helena Bertinelli (for example) can't be, because she is less closely tied and has less appearances. Congratulations, you have an identified patient! Jason is the problem that is rippling out and causing all these nasty and unsatisfied feelings the readers have about how crime is handled in these comics.

We see crime being fought in imperfect ways and our current cultural consciousness goes off with warning bells to identify the problem. But what you were taught was to identify what outside influence happens to be present and connecting the issue, and how to justify that all evil stems from this malignant influence. So surely if we could just remove this bad thing, we could go back to the wonderful world we knew where everything was ok.

That world never existed. The thing we are nostalgic for, is the world before we became aware of it's flaws. The problem has always been there, has always been an integrated part of this whole you used to love and admire.

But because the kind of people blaming Jason for "copaganda" do genuinely and truly come from a good place of wanting social justice (I'm saying you are good people. I disagree and think you are making a logical error, but we do care about and want the same thing. Good People) because you come here with the right intentions, you use the buzzwords of copaganda. Or gunviolence. You know from what you have heard that the issue is systematic, but you are struggling to find what that system equivalent is in DC comics. You are falling victim to the fallacy of assuming a main narrative perspective. Just as irl cops are hard to identify as the problem bc you might have to first struggle through the cognitive dissonance that your old worldview of good cops was wrong (so so wrong), you experience cognitive dissonance if trying to read comics with someone like Batman being wrong and flawed.

Looking beyond any superficial similarities to cops Jason is called out for (uses a gun, kills, enforcing his vision of justice) he really doesn't have much more similarities. He isn't a figure of authority, he lacks the nigh god-given justification to do whatever he wants whatever the outcome and is questioned at every turn. Just the sheer instances of Batman or another Bat showing up to beat Jason up and lecture him on what he does.

Extending this, he does not have the pervasive and persuasive power to shape a narrative. Jason's narrative is so far out of his hands. Which has been a core truth about him since for ever. From his maleable origin story, to his death, the years of him being gone and having No Voice Whatsoever, his resurrection in utrh showing him trying, struggling to have a voice against Bruce's story and being drowned out and denied his perspective, the inconsistency of his character after, each writer trying to shape him into something. Now cops fucking have a narrative. Their narrative is the main one we are fed. Their violence is structured and oppressive. Jason is neither a structural systemic power, nor is he oppressive of anyone. If you disagree with his violence for the sake of the moral highground of condemning killing.... Then, just, there are other media, you know.

Cop violence is systemic violence. It is violence that is "justified" to the extent it requires no justification. It is above being questioned. I am genuinely willing to hear an argument how Jason is cop-coded. But to me he is the punk resistance based "violence" that is only organized in the anarchical but organical sense of caring to protect the community that surrounds you. He doesn't approach Gotham as a paternalistic force of protection shielding it from above, but as one of them from within, showing up for the people who are suffering the way he has suffered too.

[bizlybebo]

some silly lil doodles/sketches of the riptide bakery au because @s0lar-ch3ri ‘s additions to it made me absolutely lose my mind

(extra rambling + captions transcribed beneath the cut if you can’t read my handwriting!!)

image 1 caption: Jay saying “i don’t wanna talk about it.”

image 2 caption: Gillion saying “I cannot find her, Chip! If she’s not here, and she just finished mixing the batter, I— I fear we have made the greatest mistake!”

Chip saying “No, no, it’s— it’s fine! She’s probably just— right over here!”

Cutaway caption points to Pretzel drinking a cup of tea and says “Absolutely fine”

Image 3 caption: Chip saying “Yeah, so he’s this small boy we keep in the back! And I know what you’re thinking— it actually doesn’t violate any child labor laws! ‘Cause we don’t pay him!”

Caption pointing to Ollie says “was just given 200 mg of caffeine”

Image 4 caption: points to Gillion operating the cash register and says “Has caused irreparable financial damage”

——-

the context for image 2 is cheri’s comment that the equivalent for this au of the pretzel missing arc would be that gill loses track of her and ends up thinking that he somehow baked her into one of the pastries and gets really distraught over it. I adore this idea soso much

i havent seen pd yet but i’d like to imagine william, vincent, and dakota terrorize a nearby grocery store on the regular and so they’re usual customers to the riptide bakery. (cheri’s also the one who thought of pd existing in this au too)

i’m particularly obsessed with the idea that chip accidentally overshares to a customer and gets the cops called on them for having a Small Boy In The Back Who Does Unpaid Labor For Us (they pay him in exorbitant amounts of caffeine that his mother would never allow him to consume)

they let gillion man the register ONCE and the business nearly goes under because he doesn’t understand cash nor card or just. money in general. not only does he give away hundreds of dollars or just throw it up in the air for the cool confetti affect, but he also starts letting people pay with the most random shit that isn’t money, like crunchy leaves off the sidewalk or literal trash. he manages to sell a hot chocolate and a croissant for a weird looking substance that turns out to actually be goobleck

[skrifores]

I have seen the point being made that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship for some behaviour to constitute domestic violence. I’m seeing this said with regards to Our Flag Means Death and what some people perceive as domestic abuse on Ed’s part - that him not being romantically involved with Izzy shouldn’t mean behaviour between can’t be considered domestic abuse.

It is an excellent point that in many places, the definition of domestic abuse isn’t restricted to intimate partners! It is often widened to consider any violence, coercion and emotional harm taking place within a home environment. Under this definition, children can be victims of domestic abuse by their parents, it can occur between siblings, even roommates - especially with a live-in landlord situation. And of course, the Revenge as well as being a workplace is ultimately where the characters live.

I think it’s very clear that the show is a workplace comedy about pirates, but if you want to apply the definition of violence, coercion and emotional harm within a home environment to your reading to the show, that can be done.

Of course, I would be surprised if you genuinely view it that way and still made it as far as even watching Season 2, given the way what you consider to be domestic abuse in this fictional setting happens so very often with little to no moral consequence, and is often intended to be taken as a joke.

I mean. In the very first episode, the crew talk about killing Stede, and begin to plan for this, including lighting him on fire.

Jim threatens Lucius and actually physically locks him in a small wooden box in the second episode for what seems to be quite a long time.

I think in 4, Izzy pulls on Fang’s beard and it really upsets him. He also talks pretty openly about the intention to kill the Revenge crew, though I’ll let that go at this stage since he doesn’t really live there so much as being there for the purpose of murdering them and stealing their stuff. Still, poor Fang, that looked like it hurt.

While we’re on Izzy, he does also actively try to kill Stede by stabbing him, and he then he goes and does the olde worlde equivalent of calling the cops on him on the intention of having him executed, which seems pretty fucked up on the ‘violence’ part of our DA definition but also hits pretty hard on coercive control since he’s doing this to get Ed to behave differently.

He does prevent the Navy from executing Ed, which is nice, but he does point out that he regrets this, which, ouch, emotional harm. If we’re doing real world definitions, “I should’ve let the cops I called on you murder you” is the sort of thing that would make me feel pretty fucked up. And we all know what it means when someone tells you to watch your step.

But it’s not all about Izzy! (It’s really not, guys, there’s a whole TV show here!) Buttons bites Lucius - who ends up needing the whole finger gone! And he’s a visual artist!

Even my darling man Roach tries to eat the Swede, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they were on that island long enough to justify murder.

And who could forget Mary?? Wonderfully written character, love her, but, she does with malice aforethought attempt to kill her spouse in his sleep with a skewer. She was right to do it, in my opinion, but y’know, even without broadening the definition beyond partner relationships, murder of your spouse is pretty classic domestic abuse.

So, y’know, the point I’m getting at really is that if your definition of domestic abuse is violence and control wherein the perpetrator and victim share a significant aspect of their lives like living space - that’s a fine definition in real life. It is the one I use, in real life. But if you apply it to Our Flag Means Death, I really don’t understand how you stomached watching the first season or why you came back for more.

And if you only apply this definition with regards to Ed’s behaviour, but not the rest of the characters, I do wonder why that might be.

[bubblinelovechild]

The RWBY fandoms treatment of Adam makes me very uncomfortable

This is very long sorry I was rambling <3

There’s something really odd about the dedication RWBY fans have to hating Adam. So much so that they’ll admit the writing of the WF is racist but refuse to admit that Adam a member of the white fang also suffered from that racist writing.

There’s this weird dedication to pretending there are no problems with the choices made around Adams character and vilifying literally everyone who tries to talk about it, for the sake of continuing to blindly hate him. The fandom seems to struggle with understanding that the show is fictional and everything that happens in it is a direct choice of its writers. Y’all talk about Adam like he is a real person who has personally offended you irl. Just a huge lack of media literacy tbh.

A white man wrote a civil rights group, that he admittedly based off the black panthers, as the generic bad guys of his shitty anime knockoff and made a central theme of the show the idea that fighting against your oppression violently makes you just as bad if not worse than your oppressors. Then he mad the leader of that group a generic abusive meanie bad guy. Who essentially is what white supremacists think civil rights activist are all the way down to being the fictional equivalent of a black supremacist.

When there was backlash to this he made a knockoff Malcom X and then killed her in her only scene and made a character whose ideology is basically sit down and lick the feet of your oppressors and had the audacity to say he was based off of MLK. How the fuck do you base a character off of somebody without doing basic research on them because contrary to what people seem to believe MLK was not a doormat and this is a conversation for a different day but I’m sick and tired of his memory being weaponised against black people.

What’s worse is that Adam is the only character portrayed as actually doing something to fight racism. Ghira’s faction is only ever seen fighting against other groups. I don’t know if y’all know this but that’s not how the civil rights movement worked. Most of the leaders didn’t agree on methods but they coexisted because the main goal was the liberation of black people and they knew they had to coexist. MLK did not go around calling the cops on revolutionaries he disagreed with.

The problems with Adam and the WF are not separate and cannot be. Most of what’s wrong with the Faunus plot line is the way the show handles Adam. The choices made with his writing cannot be separated from those they made with the WF overall. Adams choice to kill his attackers to keep himself and other Faunus safe, from people literally trying to kill them, is treated the way it is because of the stance they took with WFs writing. When Adam kills a human supremacist trying to kill Ghira you’re supposed to see it as an extreme and the beginning of his turn to evil. Adam isn’t a real person every descisiom he makes is informed by the white writers of the show. Why would the bias they displayed writing the WF not apply to him?

Some of you have been abused and relate to Blake in that sense, a lot of you seem to be projecting your abusers onto Adam. I’m sorry you went through that but you are not excused from buying into racist rhetoric. It’s incredibly uncomfortable as a black person to watch people talk about how “healing” it was for them to watch a civil rights leader admittedly inspired by black people slapped around and killed by two white women. It is anger inducing to watch fans celebrate “queer representation” dancing on the corpse of a monumental disrespect to black people and our history.

RWBY doesn’t even handle abuse well tbh and most of the queer rep is not that great, there are many shows that do it so much better, there is actually no excuse for hanging on to the black people are bad for fighting against racism show.

[nostalgia-tblr]

My Next Attempt At Long Fic (by which I mean more than 10000 words and it has chapters) Should Be...

Poll and the (actually quite long) gist of each option below le cut:

The Sylki Con Artists AU

This one I have a wee bit written of already but I go back and forth on this one because it's Alternative Universe - Modern Setting and I feel like there's already a lot of those (which I also complain about a lot), and I have to justify it to myself as an experiment in whether I can do a Sylki Modern AU that doesn't just end up as "two people called Loki and Sylvie do normal stuff together". That's why they are con artists in this! Because 1) MISCHIEF (or crime, or whatever) and 2) if they have the same 'job' for similar reasons and I go on about them being similar a lot then that's maybe as close as reality can get to selfcest. (The selfcest is not just a feature of sylki, I feel it is THE feature and to admit to being Bad At Shipping (again) I'm just not that interested in it if they're different people who aren't even aliens. The same alien.) (You can tell me they are gods all you want but I've seen enough Doctor Who to know that must be A LIE so I reject it as such.)

The plot is that they meet in a bar one night and shag (obviously!) and then the reader discovers that Loki is trying to buy a painting from an old woman (planning on ripping off both her and his own buyer) and Sylvie is an artist who is selling a forged painting to some posh twat on the internet who she knows is trying to rip off her fake old lady persona on the deal but she's selling him a fake painting anyway so at least he deserves to be conned. They meet up a few times before finally realising that they are in fact conning each other under fake names on the internet, and then I have to try and fix it when they inevitably get mad at each other because of it. Also, Thor works in a shop because the brodinsons are Downwardly Mobile (dad spent all their inheritance, oh no!) Plotwise Loki is going to actually need Sylvie's painting for reasons I have not yet entirely worked out so one way or another they will have to eventually forgive each other for being con artists as they themselves are and for having attempted to con each other.

Ideally I will be able to make this one funny in some way, as I think the concept can get absurd enough to make a rom-com out of it.

2. The Jotun Heat Fic (also sylki)

I was into this one for about a day and now I have second thoughts because I am not sure I care enough about Frost Giant Biology to have to write an entire fic about it. It would continue my tradition (I did it once, that's enough for it to be a tradition) of turning a tiny ficlet into a much longer thing. This one: The Opposite of Heat, in which Loki and Sylvie go into whatever the Jotun equivalent of the fandom fave 'mating cycles/in heat' trope is, having never done so before because (see if you can guess...) they've never previously spent enough time around another Jotun for the hormones to kick in properly. They have no idea this can happen, and what starts out as Fun Porno-Fic Times soon gets a bit worrying and then I suppose they have to Investigate and that's the bit I fear might end up boring me.

This is set in an AU where S2!Loki did not instantly demand that Sylvie help him with his cop friends' problems and instead just went to live in Oklahoma with her, so the other/'real' plot is them getting used to living together and the weird-but-sexy medical issue bringing them into conflict because of course the first place Loki wants to go for help is the TVA (this not unreasonable of him, as they have a lot of info in their archives and he has no other friends anyway), which Sylvie is not keen on as she would rather just avoid them for the rest of forever. Gosh, I hope nobody goes to the TVA for help behind anyone else's back!

I need a way to make this one stay interesting once it gets to the Find Out What Is Happening part and also it needs to not just immediately end with a sensible solution like just going to Jotunheim and asking someone there for a talk about the frost-birds and the frost-bees.

Also I think they should fuck in that McDonalds. Just because.

3. Jotunheim Rejects The Guy Who Cannot Possibly Be Its Rightful King, Because I'm Annoying Like That AU (not thorki)

Speaking of going to Jotunheim, you know all those fics where Loki goes to be the Rightful King Of Frostland, as Odin apparently planned all along? That but it doesn't work, because I am not at all convinced he can have been Laufey's heir (who the fuck infanticides their only male heir?!) and even if he was well it'd just look awful, wouldn't it? Crusty Old Odin, worst friend to Jotunheim for several years running, sends back your kingdom's heir having raised him as one of his own family. (I hope at least one of you is thinking "US-Backed Puppet Ruler Who Will Do Whatever The CIA Tells Them To" because I did too! Ooh, geopolitical barely-subtext!)

The problem with this one for me is it requires a fairly large cast of Original Jotun Characters, and I still fear writing OCs because of the constant 'Mary-Sue' complaints in my fannish youth. Also I would Controversially (LOL not really) make some of them women, including Angrboda the ambitious would-be consort and Laufey's tragically spurned lover who on finding out that her long-dead son is not dead makes the most of it by insisting everyone call her 'My Lady, the King's Mother' (yes, I stole that from History but I do that sort of thing now, for the LOLs). So I have a bit of an idea what happens in this one, though I'd need to think of more political type plot stuff and also I just finished writing a multichapter fic that involved the Jotun succession so maybe I'd be overdoing it if I did this one now as well.

The other problem is Jotuns are too fucking tall. I mean really. This doesn't seem to bother anyone else but they are Too Fucking Tall to interact with the shorter characters, to the point that it just seems accidentally comedic to me. Just imagine the totally-not-a-puppet king of Jotunheim sitting on a massive throne, swinging his wee legs in the air. And I don't know how to work around that other than just saying "they are Less Fucking Tall in this fic" and I don't know if that would just annoy people. Also it does feel a bit incendiary to go against the general fandom insistence that Loki Is Totally The Rightful King Of Jotunheim. Though I suppose in this he is, it's just that he attempts to become so in the sort of circumstances that make everyone start saying things like "are we really that keen on our monarchy?" or at least "surely there's a cousin or an uncle we could give the crown to instead? yeah, even a woman would do. no, she doesn't have to be alive if there are only dead ones available."

(It was a mistake to let me read books about the Wars of the Roses, wasn't it?)

Oh and this isn't a thorki fic, but Thor is going to go to Jotunheim with his bro to help him settle in and also he will be going back to rescue him from it at the end. Bros before snows!!!!

[blubushie]

Are there some things you dislike about fans' interpretation of the other mercs?

Yeah uh. This is long so it's under the cut. Whole TF2 fandom boutta be like 2Fort on my arse.

I hate how people make Medic "evil". He's fun and goofy and likes doing experiments and he'll betray the people paying him for the sake of his long-time coworkers who he's mates with. He's not evil, he's not manipulative, outsmarting the LITERAL DEVIL doesn't make you a bad person. There is literally nothing in canon to point to Medic being evil except MAYBE stealing a bloke's spine (coulda been dark humour for all we know) and turning a criminal into a sentient pumpkin, which is something that Engie HELPED HIM DO but no one goes around calling him evil. Medic is chaotic good or chaotic neutral, he is not evil.

The amount of people who are downright racist about Demo, or the amount of people who reduce his addiction to the butt of a joke. There's a lot of shit that I notice. They act like Demo isn't fiercely loyal—look at his relationship to his mum). They act like he's lazy because he's an alcoholic—HE HAS 3 JOBS AND WANTS MORE, HE WASN'T LAZY IN THE COMICS HE WAS DEPRESSED BECAUSE HE LOST ALL HIS MATES. On the other end of the coin, you have people insisting that Demo's alcoholism isn't as bad as it actually is, as if substance abuse is a fucking moral failing and they can't have their blorbo be a bad person by just letting him be the alcoholic he's shown to be in canon.

As an intersex man: do not get me fucking started on the amount of intersex+NB headcanons I've seen of Pyro. People need to realise that like the rest of the human population, most intersex people are cis, that gender is not equivalent to sex, and that EVERY intersex character being non-binary promotes a harmful stereotype. Actually I'll be honest—I side-eye EVERY intersex Pyro headcanon what's made by a perisex person. Most the time they give off massive virtue signal vibes and I really don't like how the second you can't clearly determine someone's gender people immediately go "ah, intersex" like we're all visually androgynous. I also don't like how the person MOST OTHERED ON THE TEAM is always given the intersex headcanon. It doesn't make me feel represented, it makes me feel like everyone already seems me as an other and that's all I'll ever be.

People who act like the pronoun police and insist Pyro's pronouns are they/them. Canonically Pyro is always and consistently referred to as he/him except when he's being dehumanised by his own team and called it. It's cool if you headcanon Pyro as using they/them, just remember it ISN'T CANON and you shouldn't be getting on people's arse about non-canon pronouns. What are you a cop?

On a similar vein, the amount of people who infantilise Pyro. Pyro was literally the CEO OF A COMPANY who was responsible for RECORD PROFITS OF THAT COMPANY. Pyro is an adult. People assume that because Pyro hallucinates or enjoys "childish" things that it means Pyro's a child. Please be fucking normal about mental illness, my god.

People who make Scout transfem for the sole purpose of shipping Scout with Pauling, worse even if they outright make it so that Scout transitioned SPECIFICALLY to hook up with Pauling. You realise that you're enforcing TERF "all transfems are predatory and transition just to get chicks/transfem lesbians are just straight men" rhetoric right? Please tell me you're aware. People who make Scout transfem for reasons beside this (ie you just like transfem Scout) and still hook her up with Pauling for fun, I love you and this post is not about you. <3

People who ignore Medic's likely bisexuality in favour of writing him as a strictly gay male. Bi erasure is fucking real lads. If you have the view that Demo was talking out his arse and didn't actually shag Medic's wife cuz he's not even married, cool ok. I'm talking about the people who insist Medic's wife was his beard.

People who act like the ship police with Pauling's sexuality when her being a lesbian was something mentioned in one tweet on Twitter by Jay, not approved by Valve, and never referenced in the source material (outside of MAYBE how she stared at Zhanna while she was fighting robots, but that facial expression could also be interpreted as impressed or "so horrified she can't look away". Especially when she outright agreed to go on a second date with Scout in Expiration Date. If you headcanon her as a lesbian, cool! Just don't enforce it on other people and give them flak for shipping her with non-women characters. This applies to people aggressively enforcing Medic's sexuality as well. What are you a cop?

How the character people trans the most is the white skinny twink, white skinny otter, or white wolf. Why not Demo? Trans people of colour exist too. I can count the trans Demo headcanons I've seen on one hand. Why not Heavy? Why not Heavy? You know fat trans people exist too right?

My family is southern and half the time people don't know what the fuck goes on down south. Tell me you've never been to a cookout without telling me you've never been to a cookout. They either write him as too northern/coasty and only enforce the "stereotype" southern aspects of him, or they write him as racist/homophobic/transphobic/etc because he's southern. Luckily the latter gets a LOT of pushback on Tumblr so I haven't seen it much, but it's more prevalent on Twitter and fanfic sites.

People conveniently ignoring how Heavy's father was killed and his family was imprisoned by the USSR so they can call him a communist. Lol what. I get that you hate capitalism but you realise there's more options than just capitalism vs communism vs socialism right? That you can hate/dislike communism without also being a capitalist? Heavy would not support communism after what the USSR did to his family in the name of communism because his father was a counter-revolutionary. Also people ignoring WHY Heavy's father was killed, and how his father having different politics got his whole family, including innocent children chucked to a GULAG IN SIBERIA where they were starved and constantly abused by the guards, and how even after their escape the government continued to hunt them with the intent of killing them. He would not be a communist. He probably sees a hammer and sickle in his fucken nightmares.

Spy being evil and an arsehole. You know his schtick is the suave gentleman right? He's cool but he also has to be cringefail. And arsehole is a far cry from a gentleman.

People making Soldier a bigot. Har har I know it's funny to joke about the bloke obsessed with America being a bigot, but do you honestly think he cares enough? He's xenophobic at worst. Everyone is assumed to be American and his best mate is a black Scottish cyclops. Half the time I'm convinced you people want Soldier to be a bigot so you can write bigoted shit and not cop shit cuz it's coming out of his mouth.

Carrying on from prev, the amount of people I've seen use the time setting as an excuse to be bigoted towards the characters. This is ESPECIALLY prevalent where it seems like every story-focussed fic of Demo has a scene where someone is being racist to him and he Heroically Sticks Up For Himself or someone else sticks up for him to show How Much They Don't Care About Being Seen With A Black Man (usually it's Soldier, sometimes it's Sniper). You realise everyone knows racism is bad, right? That that's really not necessary? It wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't in EVERY FIC but it's like the author always needs to proudly claim themselves Not Racist while writing REALLY RACIST SHIT directed at the ONE CONFIRMABLE MAN OF COLOUR on the team just so they can yell "RACISM BAD but here's me jumping at the opportunity to call a man of colour a racial slur".

Well, reckon that about covers her...

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

This episode ruled. And I'll tell you why.

S12, E20 "Cops and Robert"

Dale Gribble took a job at a Hooters equivalent specifically because he expected them to do gender discrimination against him for being an ugly man and planned to sue on those grounds. The manager called his bluff and hired him. Dale is not good at working so he sucked at the job and the women hated him for getting hired over their friends who would actually be good at the job.

But through the course of the episode Dale, and we the audience, realize that these women are being treated like shit. They're sexually harassed by customers constantly, aren't even tipped well, and are exploited by management. When Dale is pantsed the women stand up for him and fight off the man who did it (of course this is actually a wild misunderstanding).

Then Dale and the ladies address management about their unacceptable work conditions.

It starts out with a common conservative "Reverse Discrimination" talking point and ends with collective labor action in the face of sexual harassment and sexist, unsafe working conditions. We meet these people who are seen as dumb bimbos and learn they are hard-working, highly skilled, and deserve better. That Dale Gribble is not good enough to do the job they do every day. He eventually gets fired for stealing and sucking at his job.

This episode also demonstrates the kinds of outfits men should wear. Why don't men wear tiny shorts and crop tops anymore? We used to be a society.

[topguncortez]

What to Expect | Chapter 3

previous part | Masterlist | Next Part

synopsis: Jake confronts you about the news he heard from Bradshaw. You have a scare that sends Jake and Bradley rushing to your side.

word count: 5k

warnings: pregnancy, vomiting, cursing, mentions of infidelity, fighting, spotting, cramping, fear of miscarriage.

Jake felt like he was on the verge of having the cops called on him, as he parked outside of the elementary school. He told himself that he, like the other parents waiting in the parking lot, were here to see someone important. Although, he was waiting on a snot nosed child to come running towards them. That’s one thing Jake couldn’t stand, was the germs that kids carried. He had seen his sisters deal with all sorts of bodily fluids that came from their children whether it be blood or snot or vomit. Jake cringed at the thought of having to clean up someone else's vomit. It was bad enough back in flight school he had to clean his own out of his jet when he’d get sick. 

            He regained his composure as he heard the school bell ring, and an influx of children ran out the front door. It was like a sea of tiny humans charging right at him, not caring for the large vehicles in the area. It gave Jake a heart attack, seeing some of them dart right out in front of cars, not caring to look but getting scolded by their parents. Jake couldn’t even imagine how terrifying it must be to be a parent and how stressful it must be to constantly worry about their safety. His green eyes looked at the school, it seemed pretty secure, like a safe place to be at. But he shook his head as he pushed off of his Mercedes, no place was safe in a world like it is today. 

            Jake could feel the stares of kids, parents and some teachers as he walked down the hallway of the school. He was still in his khaki uniform, and something he knew would get him some eyes. Jake knew that he was a handsome man; women loved to look at him, men envied him, and kids dreamed of being like him. 

            “Mommy, look! He’s in the Navy!” A little boy said, pulling on his mom’s dress. 

            “Uh-huh,” She nodded, dazed by Jake’s beauty. Jake smirked at her, giving her a wink as he continued down the hall. 

            Your room was easy to find (thanks to asking another teacher in the hall), and Jake smiled at the door decorations. It was very much you, and Jake could tell that you probably took the time to cut out each individual animal that was taped to the wall. He could remember coming home from work and seeing the dining room table covered in arts and crafts things, and you working on creating something for your classroom. He missed those nights and days where he’d spend helping you set up your room or putting up some new decorations. 

            You were sitting at your desk munching on a granola bar and looking over tomorrow's lesson plan. You were starting to introduce chapter books to your second graders, and were going to introduce them to the wonderful book that was ‘Flat Stanely’. You sighed and leaned back in your chair, your mind thinking of how the rest of the school year was going to go for you. Sooner or later you were going to have to tell your kiddos that you were pregnant, and you weren’t all too ready for the questions that would follow. You had learned over the years that second graders are very curious little humans, almost too curious for their own good. You had been rehearsing in your head what you would say to them. 

You’d be able to work the rest of the school year, since the baby wasn’t going to be due until July. But what did break your heart was the fact that you wouldn’t be able to start your school year, due to being on maternity leave. You loved the beginning of the school year. It was your equivalent to Christmas Morning, seeing all the new students, getting new supplies, seeing the new fashion trends. And of course, seeing how much your old students grew over the summer. It always warmed your heart when they’d see you in the hallway and come running up to you to hug you. You smiled, sitting up and looking at the card that your very first class had sent you with when you told them you were leaving Lemoore. 

“Miss Kazansky?” A knock came from your door and you closed your eyes. Now this conversation, you hadn’t rehearsed at all. 

“Mr. Seresin,” You replied, turning towards him, “Why are you here?” 

“Ouch, nice to see you too,” Jake said, and walked into your classroom. He looked over your decorations, “I always thought these turkey decorations were cute,” He pointed to the construction paper turkey that was on your bulletin board, “Flat Stanley? Behind on-” 

“Jake, why are you here?” You asked, cutting him off. 

“Because we need to talk,” He said, turning to face you. 

“No, we don’t,” You said, “There is nothing to talk about.” 

“Really?” Jake scoffed, “Cause Rooster says otherwise.” 

“The hell are you talking to Rooster about me for?” 

“Are you-” 

“Miss K?” A small voice said. You looked past Jake and saw one of your students, Owen, standing in the doorway, tears running down his face. Your heart dropped as you pushed past Jake and over to the little boy. One thing you hated was seeing your students cry. 

“What’s up, Owen?” You asked, kneeling down to his level. 

“My mom isn’t here,” He sniffled, “I-I think she forgot me.” 

“Oh that’s nonsense!” You smiled, “No one would forget you. Is she working today?” Owen nodded, “Well, wait in here for a moment, and I’ll give her a call, alright?” Owen again nodded and walked over to his desk, “Do you want a snack?” 

“I can’t have peanut butter, I’m allergic,” Owen said, “Can I read a book?” 

“Sure thing,” You said, and walked over to your snack drawer, which has become your favorite part of your desk as of late, “How does. . . a rice krispy sound?” 

“Great Miss K!” Owen smiled and you tossed it to him. 

Jake watched the interaction between the two of you, his heart warming a bit at the sight. You were always so caring, it was probably something that made him fall so in love with you. You had a totally different side to you when you were in teacher mode, as he liked to call it. It was amazing to see how you could go from this spitfire person, to a down to earth, soft spoken woman. 

“Can I help you?” You said, looking over at Jake. 

“I can wait,” Jake said. You rolled your eyes and looked through your student records on your computer, “This happen a lot with him?” 

“His mother is a single mom who works at the children's hospital on the NICU floor,” You answered, “She also takes care of her grandmother. She’s a hard working woman. She doesn’t just forget her child.” 

“Oh, I-I’m not trying to offend her,” Jake said, noticing your defensive tone, “I was just wondering.” 

“Not all of us have the luxury of working an eight-to-four, Jacob,” You said, picking up the phone on your desk and dialing the number. Jake bit his cheek as he looked over at the little boy reading to himself and eating away on his rice krispy. Owen kind of reminded Jake of Bob. He was smaller, Jake could hardly believe he was in your class when he walked in. He also had glasses that were a bit too big for his face, but in an adorable way. His cheeks were still a bit red from the tears, and every so often Jake would hear a sniffle. 

Jake looked around the room, as you were talking with Owen’s mom, and looked for the kleenex box. Jake grabbed the box and walked over to the boy, holding it out for him. Owen shyly looked up at the pilot and smiled. 

“Thank you, sir,” Owen said, taking a tissue. 

“What are you reading?” Jake asked, nodding to the cover. 

“Oh, ‘The Magic Tree House’!” Owen smiled, showing him the cover. 

Jake squinted reading the cover, “‘The Magic Tree House, Danger at the Darkest Hour’, interesting. About World War Two?” 

“Mhm, it’s about the paratroopers going into Normandy,” Owen said, “I wanna be in the Navy some day.” 

Jake smiled, “Really? Well, I’m in the Navy,” Jake pulled one of the small chairs from another desk and sat down in front of a very wide eyed Owen. 

“Miss Kazansky?” The woman on the phone said. 

“Oh sorry,” You said, looking away from the cute sight in front of you, “Yes, I can stick around another ten minutes or so.” 

“Thank you so much. I thought I coordinated this all with Owen’s dad.” 

“Don’t sweat it, Angie, really, it’s okay. I’m glad he came back in when he noticed you weren’t there. I’d hate for him to still be waiting outside. He’s having a snack and happily reading away a new Magic Tree House book,” You smiled as Owen was deep in conversation with Jake.  

“Thank you Miss Kazansky, you are a lifesaver.” 

“Says you, the actual nurse. I’ll see you in a bit,” You said your goodbyes to Owen’s mom before hanging up the phone, “Well, Owen, your mom will be here soon.” 

“Okay,” Owen nodded, “Hey! Miss K, did you know Mister Jake is in the Navy!” 

“I did, Owen,” You said to him. He had a large toothless grin on his face as he looked at his new friend, “Jake is a friend of mine.” 

“No way! Can he show us the planes someday!?” 

“Maybe,” You said and looked at Jake, who nodded. 

You sat and listened while Jake and Owen talked about all things Navy. Owen was a very smart little boy, and was very intrigued as Jake explained day to day things. Even though Jake was probably talking circles around the poor kid, Owen asked questions and made Jake explain things. It was cute seeing Jake talk to him, you knew Jake was good with kids. You had watched him with his niece and nephew before. It made you feel a little bit better knowing that Jake was comfortable around kids. When Owen’s mom came and picked him up, Jake stuck around to help you pick up some of your things. He smiled as he heard Owen tell his mom all about their conversation. 

“Mister Jake, will you come back some time?” Owen asked him with large hopeful eyes. 

“Sure thing buddy,” Jake nodded, “I’ll bring some of my other friends too, oh!” Jake exclaimed as Owen ran up to him and hugged him. You and Owen’s mom shared a look of shock as Jake patted the top of his head. 

“Owen, come on,” His mom said, “You need to apologize. You can’t just hug people like that.” 

“It’s alright,” Jake smiled, “Here,” Jake kneeled down in front of Owen and you watched as he took one of the silver pins off his collar and handed it to him, “Now you can be. . .” Jake gently grabbed the little boy's jacket and pinned the rank to him, “Lieutenant Commander Owen Nielson, of Miss Kazansky’s second grade classroom. Just remember, she’s the admiral.” 

Owen’s mom smiled at you, before gently taking her son’s hand and leading him out of the room. Jake stood to his full height, a pleased smile as he turned to you. His smile dropped as he saw tears in your eyes, and confusion spread across his features. 

“Why are you-” 

“He never talks like that,” You sniffled, “He’s so quiet and shy. He sits in here during lunch and recess because some of the kids pick on him and he gets anxiety being in loud, chaotic places like that. He doesn’t talk to strangers, not even other teachers. It took him four weeks to talk to me and you just. . . you just walk in here and he talks to you like you’re best friends and he hugged you! He’s never hugged me!” 

Jake’s smile came back to his face as he pulled you in for a hug. You relaxed against his body, nuzzling your face into his chest for a moment. Jake breathed in a deep whiff of your hair, having missed the scent that used to be left on his pillows at night. When you pulled away, you chuckled softly and wiped your tears. 

“I should get home before my own parents start calling,” You said. You grabbed your bags, attempting to put your backpack on your back, before Jake grabbed it. 

“It’s heavy, I got it,” Jake said and you nodded. He followed you to the parking lot, seeing the familiar jeep that now had sides and a top on it, “You covered it?” 

“Yeah. . .” You said. It was weird that the orange four door had all four doors on it. Jake frowned, he knew how much you liked feeling the wind in your hair as you drove. It was the reason why Jake bought a Dyna Super Glide, for you guys to ride on up the coast. He missed having you sitting on the back of his motorcycle. He actually sold it when you two broke up. 

There was an awkward tension between the two of you. There was something that needed to be said, that needed to be talked about but neither one knew how to start that conversation. Instead, Jake stood there and watched as you put your belongings in the backseat of your car. You shut the door and faced Jake, stuffing your hands into the pocket of your dress. 

“I uh. . . I have another appointment in two weeks,” You said and Jake nodded, knowing exactly what you were talking about, “Heartbeat appointment.” 

“Wow,” Jake said, “Is uh. . .is everything alright? Sick or anything?” 

“Every single morning and night,” You scrunch your nose. Jake loved when you did that, “But so far yeah, everything is alright. They’re the size of a raspberry.” 

“Growing like a weed,” Jake laughed. You giggled and Jake felt his heart flutter, “Well, I should let you get going home. Text me the details of the appointment.” 

“Can you send me your number?” You asked nervously, “I deleted yours when we broke up.” 

“Oh. . .  yeah, I’ll send you a text,” Jake wondered what else you had deleted. He still had everything on his phone, your texts, your voicemails, pictures and videos, even some emails that you had sent. It made Jake’s heart hurt that you tried so desperately to move on from him, while he was still stuck on you. He also noticed that you took down the car charm he had gotten you for your first anniversary. 

“Thanks, I’ll see you, Jake,” You said, and opened the door to your car. 

“Yeah, you too,” Jake said, and waved as you started up your jeep and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

That night, Jake stayed up researching and reading all he could about pregnancy, printing off articles and documents. He highlights important facts and key things to be aware of. He smiled as he read that at eight weeks his baby was growing a millimeter a day. 

— — — 

Jake woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He laced up his tennis shoes and went on his usual three mile run with the dog that you and he had adopted. In the breakup, Jake had asked that he kept Herc, and you agreed but took the two cats Fred and George. Herc was an excited two year old german shepherd that had one floppy ear. He was a loyal pup, and Jake pretended to not notice how even after you left, Herc would take his toy to your side of the bed and sit, waiting for someone to throw it. 

“What’s for breakfast, Herc?” Jake asked, as they walked through the front door. Herc barked in response and Jake nodded, “Eggs and french toast it is!” 

Jake turned on his speaker, pressing play on the same playlist he had on his phone for the past five years. You named it ‘Flyboy’ and it was full of classic 80s hits. The opening beats of ‘Jessie’s Girl’ sounded through the kitchen, and Jake felt his heart clench. He was reminded of those Sunday mornings after spending Saturday out drinking with friends until the late hours of the morning. You had always been a morning person, and Jake found you down stairs, wearing one of his large t-shirts and panties, cooking away while singing, one too many times. He pushed the thought away as he grabbed the makings for breakfast. 

Herc was right by his side, sitting dutifully as Jake prepped his meal. The pup’s honey brown eyes watched his owner, waiting for a scrap of bacon to fall on the floor for him to eat. When Jake was done cooking food, before he sat down, he got Herc’s kibble ready, sitting it on the ground next to the barstools. Jake’s apartment was nothing like the house that he had in Lemoore. The apartment was plain, not a single thing on the walls. He was surprised that he even had living room furniture. Jake eat in silence, while watching the morning news on the small TV he had in the living room, angling it so he could see it from the kitchen. 

Jake’s fork was halfway to his mouth when his phone went off. He froze for a second, looking down at the caller ID, before putting his food down and picking the phone off. Herc barked at the clatter of the silverware. 

“It’s momma calling,” Jake said to the dog, and then swiped to answer it, “Hey-” 

“There’s something wrong,” You said and Jake pushed himself up from his chair. 

“What’s wrong?” He put the phone between his ear and shoulder, grabbing his plate and putting it in the sink. 

“I’m cramping and bleeding,” Your voice sounded far away and scared. Jake felt his heart start to pound in his chest. 

“I’ll be there in fifteen. You’re at your parents house?” 

“Yes but I already called Bradley. He’s on his way.” 

It was like a nail in the coffin as Jake gripped the phone in his hand, grabbing his keys, yelling a quick goodbye to Herc as he went to his car, “I don’t care. Bradley’s not the father, I am. And I am on my way.” 

You sat on the floor of your bathroom as you waited to see who would arrive first, Jake or Bradley. Bradley was already on base, which was a good twenty minutes away, but he was known for speeding and could make it in ten. But then again, Jake left his apartment in a rush, and you knew he drove fast too. You cursed as you leaned your head against the cupboards. Your stomach was still cramping and you were too scared to look if you were still bleeding. Your mind went to the worst case scenario when you woke up this morning and found some blood in your panties. 

The front door opened and you pushed yourself up off the floor. Your parents were already at work, and you were thankful for it. You weren’t sure how you would explain to your father that his two instructors raced to get to your side. You looked out the large window as you descended the stairs and saw the shiny white Mercedes Benz sitting in your driveway. Jake had won this race. 

“Love?” Jake called out to you, meeting you on the stairs, “Have you called your doctor?” 

“Yeah,” You let out a sigh of relief. There was some comfort in having Jake here with you, “She told me to go to the ER and get checked out.” 

“Alright, let’s go,” Jake said, and put a hand on the small of your back. 

“Where’s Bradley?” You asked. 

“Texted him and told him I got it,” Jake answered and you frowned. You knew it was probably not a nice text message that Jake sent to him. Even though you had Jake with you, you also wanted Bradley to be there. There was something in your chest that ached for Bradley’s comfort right now. Maybe it was the fact that if this is what you thought it was, it would hurt more to have Jake there finding out too. 

“Hey, I can hear the gears in your head,” Jake said as he opened the car door for you. You looked at him and he could see the fear in your eyes, something he used to see when he’d go away for deployments or missions, “It’ll be okay. Whatever is going on, I’m here, okay. I’m not leaving you, love.” You nodded and Jake kissed your forehead, before you got into the car. He helped you buckle up before jogging around to the other side. 

Doctor Miller had already placed a call by the time you arrived in the ER, and they got you back right away. Jake came back into the room with you, and you were wishing you told him to stay out in the waiting room. A nurse came in and took your vitals and got you set up for an ultrasound. Jake studied your bare stomach, seeing if he could see the tiniest hint of a bump. He remembered on one of the various websites he had read that you can start showing this early. 

“Quit staring at me,” You muttered and Jake looked from your stomach to your face. You raised an eyebrow and Jake smiled sheepishly. 

“Just one of the websites said you can sometimes start to show, and I wanted to see,” Jake answered and you nodded. It was quiet for a moment before Jake spoke again, “Are you having weird dreams, cause that’s another thing that happens.” 

“Yeah, every night I dream I’m having a baby with my ex,” You said, looking up at the ceiling, “Oh wait. . . that’s a nightmare.” Jake rolled his eyes. 

“What about-” 

“Can you quit asking me questions? You’re getting annoying.” You looked at him and you could see the light diminish in his eyes. You felt bad. You knew that he was just trying to make conversation, but right now, Jake was the last person you wanted in the room with you. 

“Y/N?” The nurse from earlier knocked on the door, poking her head in. 

“Yeah?” You responded, sitting up slightly. 

“You have a visitor. He says he’s your brother,” The nurse said, and you could see Bradley standing behind her. 

“Yeah, let him in,” You nodded and the nurse stepped out of the way for Bradley to come in. Jake clenched his jaw as Rooster went right to you, engulfing you in a tight hug. 

“Are you okay? Has Doctor Miller come in?” Bradley asked, looking you over for any external signs of trauma. 

“Not yet, she’s on her way,” Jake answered for you, and Bradley turned to glare at him. 

“Have they done an ultrasound? Blood work?” 

“Waiting for Doctor Miller to do the ultrasound. But they took blood earlier,” Jake, once again answered. 

“She can speak for herself,” Bradley seethed. 

“Yeah, I can, and this is going to stop,” You said, pointing between the two of them, “You suddenly both became important to me again. . . sadly,” You rolled your eyes at Jake, “So the bickering needs to stop. And don’t lie to me about getting into a fight last week about me. Payback told me.” 

��Fucking Fitch,” Jake mumbled and sat back in his seat. 

“Really, are you okay? Still in pain?” Bradley said, and brushed his knuckle over your cheek. 

“I’m fine. Still cramping but I think the bleeding stopped,” You answered and Rooster nodded, as the door opened. 

“Oh, you have a guest,” Doctor Miller said coming into the room, “Doctor Kelly Miller, Y/N’s obstetrician.” 

“Jake Seresin,” Jake said, shaking the woman’s hand, “I’m the dad.” 

Doctor Miller nodded and you rolled your eyes, laying back down on the exam table. You were happy that Doctor Miller remained professional as she walked over to the ultrasound machine. 

“Blood work is still showing elevated hCG, which can mean one of two things to us right now. You are also showing increased levels of cortisol, which is the stress hormone. Do you have any new stressors in your life?” She asked, and your eyes went over to the two brooding pilots sitting next to each other. Doctor Miller looked over her shoulder and chuckled, “Baby Daddy and Best Friend?” She asked and you nodded, “Yep. . . been there before.” 

“So you know my pain,” You sighed. Doctor Miller chuckled and grabbed the bottle of gel. 

“Yes, but imagine baby momma, yourself and your best friend,” Doctor Miller said, “It was a fun nine months when the wife and I had our first baby.” She moved the transducer around on your belly, pushing down just slightly. You winced as she pushed on your full bladder, trying to get an image of your baby. Jake and Bradley’s eyes were locked on the screen too, trying to catch a glimpse. Jake had seen enough ultrasounds to know what to look for, whereas Bradley was stumbling blind into this. 

“There!” Jake said pointing at the screen. 

“You are not a doctor Jake, shut up,” You snapped and Doctor Miller smiled. 

“He’s right though,” She said, taking a picture of your uterus and then setting the transducer down, “Here’s your baby,” She pointed to the screen, and then looked at the nurse in the corner, “See if we can get a doppler in here, I want to see if we can get the heartbeat.” The nurse nodded and left the room quickly, “From what I can see, you are measuring well for eight weeks.” 

“Size of a raspberry,” Jake nodded, “They also have taste buds.”

“Shut up,” Bradley said, hitting his arm. 

“Someone’s reading,” Doctor Miller said. 

“Yeah, a little too much,” You shifted on the bed, “What about the cramping and the blood?” 

“As scary as it seems, it’s normal,” Doctor Miller answered as the nurse came back in. She handed her a small pouch, “The cramping is from your uterus expanding, you’ll feel it throughout the pregnancy. If it’s severe like a period cramp, then you need to come in right away. Same with the blood. Spotting early is common, your cervix is sensitive and your body is getting used to not having a menstrual cycle,” You watched as she set up the doppler, plugging it into the ultrasound machine, “Like I said, if it’s more than just spotting, you need to come in.” 

“Anything else that would warrant her having to come in?” Bradley asked, “She’s sick almost every day. Like violently ill, I never knew one person could spew up that much.” 

You grimaced at Bradley’s words. 

“Is it that bad? Dizzy and weak during the day?” Doctor Miller asked and you nodded, “I’ll order you some motion sickness patches. They’ll go behind your ear for about four hours and then remove. Are you spending a lot of time on your feet?” 

“I’m a second grade teacher,” You answered. 

“Compression socks will be your best friend then, it’ll help with swelling.” 

“Don’t want cankles,” Jake said and Bradley again, smacked his arm. 

Doctor Miller chuckled as you groaned. She moved the small transducer around your lower abdomen. The room was quiet until a loud whooshing sound filled the room. Jake moved in his seat, trying to get closer to your belly, his eyes wide as he heard the heartbeat of his unborn child. You looked over at Jake, a soft smile on your features. 

“There,” Doctor Miller said, “Heartbeat is strong and steady. Baby is looking healthy and strong.” 

“Just giving their parents a scare,” Jake said and you nodded. 

“Enough of that shit, little one,” You said, poking your belly gently. Doctor Miller handed you a blue towel to clean the gel off your belly. 

“I still want to see you in two weeks for your appointment. Try and keep your stress levels down, and I’ll send that prescription into the pharmacy,” Doctor Miller said, “I’ll see you in two weeks.” 

“Wait, Doc, can I talk to you?” Jake said as Doctor Miller turned to leave. She nodded and Jake got up, following her out of the room. 

“Ten bucks says he tries and gets her number,” Bradley said, helping you sit up from the table. You groaned and shook your head, “You going back to-” 

“Buckles, you have to stand down a bit,” You said and Bradley looked like you just kicked a puppy. You sighed and fixed your shirt, “This is his baby, as shitty as this all is. There’s nothing I can do about it. And I appreciate all you have done for me and the baby, but. . . you have to stand down, just a bit.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bradley said, looking down at the floor, “I didn’t mean to overstep. But, Y/N, I care about you and the Little Bug.” 

“Little Bug, huh?” You smiled and Bradley nodded, “I kinda like that. Bug and little bug,” Bradley smiled and you hugged him again,  “I love you, Buckles. I’d be so lost without you.” 

“I love you too, Bug,” Bradley said, rubbing your back. You pulled back from the hug and placed a kiss on Bradley’s cheek. 

“I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for coming,” You said and squeezed his arm before leaving the exam room. 

Bradley let out a deep sigh and shook his head. He knew that he needed to back off a bit, but hearing it hurt more than it should. There were a lot of things Bradley didn’t know, but one thing he did was the fact that he was hopelessly and utterly in love with you. And you’d never be able to love him back. 

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