#or maybe its just my brain idk lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

timeconqueror · 10 months

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You know when you got nothing going on so you just stay indoors for the whole weekend and you feel ever so slightly disassociative but not in a bad way just in a 'huh. this day is just passing' kind of way?

Yeah

#;out of time.#or maybe its just my brain idk lmao #it was storming yesterday and its fine today but I don't want to go out biking bc the roads are still a bit wet so #I'm just stuck indoors and feeling ever so slightly not like a fully formed individual jsdfjsdjfs #again. maybe its just my brain.#anywhoooo. probs gonna play some vidja gamez for a bit #writing later? probably? yeah

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hashileio · 1 year

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i swear im normal about him

[click for better quality]

#hashiart #undertale au #dusttale #dust!sans #dust sans #i just like cryptid dust the most.......#hes so.......... ;o;#if he showed up in the middle of the night to kill me i would go out askin for a kiss like.... nothin to lose everything to gain babyyyyyyy #i was just in the big mood for teeth and like.....cryptid dust was perfect for it........#possibly uh #eye strain #maybe? idk its a lotta red #really do be having the most inconsistent art style like lmao im just doin whatever at this point #like i am SO excited for yall to see this hehehe #glowing teeth has forever changed my brain chemistry and now all i do is post teeth art in the 'cord and my queue is basically out kjsdhfsfs #also wont be new art for a week or two! family is in town and i just want to spend time with them <3

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zebratimw · 1 year

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ��️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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banesberry-anomoly · 4 months

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Son of Dionysus

#Banesberry art #altoclef.exe #The more you think about it the more it makes sense #dr clef #dr alto clef #scp #scp fanart #scp doctors #scp art #dionysus #child of dionysus #demi god #demigods #pjo #pjo fandom #Am I going to watch the show? Probably not. I already have the books and the physical movies though #(This was spurred on by memories of another fucking timeline guh. Can our brain stop giving us aus when we havent interacted with the media #-in years please and thank you that would be appreciated)#scp au #<technically???????? May make this into my own thing separate from pjo #Hmmmmmmmmm its got me thinking now #Maybe #Idk keep an eye out #Im not gonna get super into the fandom it was just kinda a Thing I did #But who fucking knows #The fucking dress/robe thing was a pain in the ass but I managed it lmao #Feel free to like use as a background #Just reblog and like please skskssk

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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months

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the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet

#not art #have been chipping away at a more... proper? so to say. piece of the kids for keepsake. and since its of them at the beach Im rotating #gender stuff in brain again. riz and gorgug ping a lot of the like funny gender stuff in my brain #very specifically adjacent to cultural understanding of it all... like I did say I do think riz has a gender and it can be #translated to ''man'' in solesian understanding but also that boy has close to no self awareness nor does he want to #he grew up as ''goblin'' before ''boy'' and it's kinda how he perceives himself. got a gender but doesn't wanna do much with it #kinda imagining him seeing his grandparents again and realizing that there's a gap there between himself and his grandpa too #and sitting with that for a bit. not for long that kid doesnt do that but for just a little bit #man I truly really do love that riz is aroace. my boy of the unquantifiable unimportant margins....#gorgug though is 100% trans lmao. there's a kinda distance to his own body in how he acts #that's kinda common in ''mad scientist'' characters? (or maybe my perspective's just skewed due to willow jenkins lmao)#kid spent the first two seasons fitting himself in places he Should be able to fit. and s3 is pretty much all about him Making New Spaces #thing is despite looking ardently for like. the reason Why he can't fit in in the first season I think gorgug really does #love his gnome parents and love being their child. and its confusing and tough to have to learn why something you love still hurts you #he wants it to not. he wants to make sense. and then it does and it changes nothing really #until he actively makes choices based on what he's learned. like. damn idk how to word it but #just like the ability to say ''actually this Is my life what are u gonna do? stop me from living it?'' is a powerful force #its rly fun to look at these two guys in these contexts thats like #they will never win the gender game just by virtue of being who they are. it's not designed for folks like them to win #but riz would simply not play and gorgug would design his Own game he's the champion of. and I think that rules

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jenna-louise-jamie · 6 months

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thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.

i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.

i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.

where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.

while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.

#btw i think anthony horowitz killed yassen off so he wouldnt have to deal with this lmao #and sidenote ash is responsible for his own shitty choices but i think itd be difficult for yassen to cope with the fact that stabbing ash #led to some very bad consequences for literally everyone #are there any fics that are similar to what im describing?? ?#i read a ton of alex rider fics but i mostly read fluff because im actually too emotionally fragile to handle angst #i cried while reading stormbreaker and that book wasnt even supposed to be sad #if this is doesnt make any sense its because i woke up at 2 am and wrote this #its just word vomit; pure not proofread thoughts directly from my fucked up little brain #idk maybe someone will enjoy reading this #alex rider #yassen gregorovich #alex rider books #ian rider #john rider #chaotic ramblings #and final note i do not ship yalex #i was thinking of this more in terms of yassen having a weird guardian/parental relationship with alex #if it wasnt clear from my ellie and joel reference from the last of us #anyways im gonna go back to making shitposts and memes so i never have to feel anything again thank you goodnight <3

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skitskatdacat63 · 6 months

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Some matador studies :)

+ ref pic I like but couldn't even attempt to draw 😭

#its funny how your brain can randomly turn on #no one saw it (i hope) but i posted some other matador sketches last night #MAN they were not great imo. i only kept one of them for this post lmao #like i was referencing pics and it was just not working in my brain except for the one #and then i came back to it just now and boom suddenly i could ref poses very well??????#istg i either struggle so bad and have to trace the pose to check shapes and its a whole ordeal #or like now i randomly can look at pics and get the pose down pretty well #not perfect obv but i drew these all in like 50 mins so ????? pretty good no?#just having a severe matador moment #like i wanna draw more of the AU but i need to study poses first #something i actually really dont do a lot cause its often frustrating #but wow these were quite fun!#not worrying abt the end product yknow #i love matador pics so fucking much #bcs you never have to worry abt: is this unrealistic? is this too flamboyant?#cause man the pics are fucking insane #i think the legs are my favorite? theyre all just very slayful i guess. idk how to describe it #but it always feels like a dance #anyways! maybe more matador nando soon #i think i said before but ah....really wanna draw him bloody #catie.art.#matador au

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clowningcrows · 1 day

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there may actually be an anderperry one shot coming up soon yall....

#that’s todd btw 👆#i had a new one shot idea that hit my brain like a bolt of lightning and i actually think maybe theres something there worth pursuing #im thinking about writing some blurb of neil and todd drinking together in their room late at night and bonding and just having some.#very soft and deep and potentially emotional conversations #i think it would be mostly fluff but probably some angst #bc i cant seem to keep angst out of my fanfics dskadjaklj #anyway idk this might be a terrible idea but i thinks i might try it #if youre interested please lmk!!#ik im giving you practically nothing but its still a fairly half baked idea tbh lmao #dps #dead poets society #anderperry #dead poets fandom #dps fandom #dps fanfiction #dead poets society fanfiction #dead poets fanfic #dps fanfic #todd anderson #neil perry #anderperry fanfic

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kazumasougi · 1 month

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im gonna be real for a second. if fantasy can only be enjoyable to you when removed from any and all real world implications then is it even good

#mileposting #sorry if this seems like its targeting anything i literally just started thinking abt it for no reason #like this is not a vague LMAO but i think its smth ive thought about for a long time and i finally have the words for it #because like. okay for one all stories are based on the human experience whether its About the Human Experience or not #so i think when approaching a work of fiction and seeing something that has implications in real life #a lot of people have the kneejerk reaction of ‘its fantasy/its made up/its not real’#but where did it come from? who was it written by? what are the writer’s personal feelings on the matter and does their bias affect the work #this is just a me thing i guess but i dont find it any fun to see those connections and immediately disregard them #its because of those structures and systems that we can find a fantasy work so compelling #i understand the want to just turn off ur brain sometimes and be like fuckkkk cool dragon #like i fucking love a good dragon or whatever dont get me wrong #i have a world of my own thats literally just Ooh cool shit #but i would not call that compelling. fun maybe. but a lot of the appeal is lost for me #fantasy worlds are mostly just. our history but with fantastical elements to it #they typically are not fantastical worlds with our elements Removed from it #so the way specifically societal structures are treated differently in that aspect is interesting!#idk this is kind of a nothing post also you can tell i got distracted like five times in the middle of writing the tags. smile

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strawglicks · 3 months

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i can feel myself drifting from the TTCC community .. like i still love the characters and their dynamics, but ive been thinking less about toontown as a whole and just some of the characters are lingering . this usually happens towards the end of my obsessions

plus i just dont feel in touch with the community LOL i just kinda stick to my own stuff and sometimes like the art and stories ppl make .. but im in this awkward spot right now where im MENTALLY not engaging as much. idk if this is anything

#i dont think anything specific is causing it. im just not super deep in my toontown phase like i was in the beginning #i like the characters . but have been thinking less abt the actual toontown story #and i think im starting to dislike some things abt the canon to the point i resent it slightly #it feels like theres soo much missed potential in some parts and ik i have to just be patient but . bc of that my obsession is fading i fea #and theres a lot of messy lore and its become disengaging to follow #they say theyre fixing it but continue to indulge in these non-canon social media posts that i rlly like but. theyre not canon theyre just #kinda made for fun it seems . like maybe filler content in the meantime for big canon stuff idk #ive just become less invested in the whole toontown story recently ! still love it :] but #im in that awkward end of an era phase #the phase is lingering #many of the characters are floating around my brain and i adore them very much #just not thinking abt them in the context of the toontown story as much #and i feel more disconnected from fandom lately which isnt helping . theres a lack of connection on my part #im still gonna post art and reblog toontown stuff btw. nothings really gonna change #just felt like rambling?? im not even gonna properly tag this LMAO #any of yall have this kinda lingering feeling at the end of ur phases? cuz i do

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brainworms-all-night-long · 2 months

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Not feeling it rn cuz idk how to disclose to my family (mom, really) that I have two very funnily misplaced random underskin lumps on my neck and and one on the back of my head, and that my mind immiditely jumped to the worst conclusion

#The constant fatigue migranes and brain fog ive had for a good year doesn't help #oh its the damned phone it's because you don't do anything all day it's because you don't see the sun #maybe #doesn't change the fact that they are there and I'm scared haha #had the one on the back of my head for a while #and definitely didnt have a panic attack over finding the third one earlier today when absemindedly scratching my neck #they're kinda hard to find but once you feel them boy oh boy it #sigh it just seems really idk. over the top?#like if I was suppoused to die couldn't it have been anything less mentally and money taxing lmao #why bother with cancer ffs it's not like I have anything in my life going on #and to think I was actually planning on getting it together #my mom has enough on her plate as she is #what with her work slowly killing her #why is she literaly the only one that would kinda care #only after telling me I'm definitely overreacting but still #whatver man #I can't sleep but my head hurts #it's just my period anyway #sorry guys I will be back to Joy and whimsy soon I'm sure #vent #like in amongus haha

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muirmarie · 7 months

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someday i'm gonna write the story where mccoy's dad was actually a piece of shit father - not, like, physically abusive, but just. y'know. your average shitty parent.

bc that's a different sort of guilt that would be involved? the type of parent you love but also hate? the one you love inside your heart and hate inside your head? you're never good enough for them but they've never been good enough for you, either?

like you put that specific type of baggage on leonard mccoy? put that on him and then have him trying to save his father's life? trying to prove to himself that he loves his father by trying to save him? trying to prove to himself he doesn't hate his father?

his father begging leonard to let him go, and leonard - still genuinely trying to do the right thing - dealing with intrusive thoughts of if he's keeping his father there to make him suffer, or if if he let him go he'd be killing his father because of that hidden hate?

like.

i just think it could be a very interesting dynamic for him?

yes i WILL recontextualize all my baggage and put it on my favorite little guy thank you for noticing no i will not be taking any questions at this time

#writing ref #this is too messy to go into the star trek tag for public consumption lmao #BUT i do think there's actually something there if i can find it.#just gonna let it rattle around in my head for a while maybe #not as a fic on its own bc i cannot do that after that david & leonard & joanna one my brain needs a break #BUT as like. a part of something larger. idk what yet. but there's something there maybe i think #tos writing ref #(btw my dad is not a piece of shit to be clear!!!! that's why i said recontextualize!! i have baggage w/ my dad but NOT that!!!!!)

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todayisafridaynight · 4 months

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Religiously i think about one of my twitter mutuals pointing out how aoki's design is subtly asymmetrical while ichiban is more symmetrical

when i think of it, masato's design is fairly symmetrical as well isnt it.....