#or rather people generally but in very particular circumstances

[mapledkanata]

Overdue Skwisgaar sketches + design notes/hcs! Finally got around to redrawing my fave

+ Skwisgaar has joined the dance floor..... I do think there has been some missed potential for Skwis, Toki and Pickles collective dynamics/interactions. More Skwis and Pickles bein buddies pleas..,,,,.

Some extra Skwis notes and Skwis HCs below the cut for anyone who may be interested:

Design notes!

Slightly darker blue eyes; captures light easily when he's happy!

For eye shapes I thought about Mads Mikkelsen and Magnús Scheving as references! They both have particular facial structures I also thought about in drawing Skwis

Because of his stronger features and pallor, sometimes shadow falls harshly along his features. I find I have to be very careful when rendering his colours and keep his softness

In terms of shape language, Skwisgaar is definitely more like unconventional rectangles than he is triangles!

Decided to give the front peaks of his hair a little more volume

Rather large in proportion but his lean stature makes him unassuming standing alone

HCs!

6'4"-6'5" tall me thinks!

Autistic

He definitely maintains himself and his appearance, but doesn't really have an extensive routine.

Might comb his hair a bit at the front, showers often, is dressed in the morning etc

He also likes to keep his room organized in a particular way; along with his room reflecting a Swedish Modernist style it's incredibly minimalist!

Despite his aloofness, he can be very attentive to the ones he cares for; in other words he's definitely paying attention even when he doesn't seem like he is

He often seen staring past the wall when he's in his own head

He is so borzoi dog.......... often gives intense whale eye to people..

He is a bit of a goober but no one understands his humour 😔

I definitely think he articulates himself better speaking Swedish and has a lot of depth to offer; conversely, he struggles w/ verbally articulating his thoughts and can be generally awkward in a lot of circumstances outside of his reign of interests

Is actually a very grounded individual in terms of his outlook on life, while he often responds very dramatically, emotionally or intensely to certain things (he is so silly!)

So very desperately wants to feel seen and loved for who he is

[hawkeyenothawkguy]

One of the things about Torchwood that always really got me was how clearly it's an extension of the Doctor Who ethos. DW is all about how ordinary people handle extraordinary circumstances and the nature of goodness in us, and I think TW is much the same! But the lengths people will go to are fundamentally different because their treat assessment and available options are skewed by the CONSEQUENCES. We get some consequence episodes in DW but nothing on the scale of TW because they make all of these things REAL. They show what the rest of the civilians would be dealing with and how institutions are likely to respond. No one better understands that "everything looks like a bail" better than the OG "Aliens are Evil" team.

[burr-ell]

I'll preface this by saying that I don't by any means begrudge anyone their own personal headcanons or interpretations, but I kinda have to get it off my chest that I'm personally not very comfortable with significant deviations from canon character design on CR, and I really tend to side-eye people who have declared their fanart to be "better".

And sure, some of that is because i'm a cranky old bastard. But some of that is that I also have an animation degree and have studied character design. Creators generally give artists a fair amount of input as to how they want their designs to connote the characters' personalities—not just in terms of clothing or hairstyle, but in the overall shape of the silhouettes and body structures. And in the case of CR in particular, that's coming from a place of much closer familiarity with the characters because the creator is actually going to be embodying them for a fairly long period of time, so when the fan response is heavy deviation from that, I think it can feed into some unhealthy fanon perceptions and projections.

Like, for example, it's not so much that I think fanartists are "disrespecting the creators" or whatever when they keep giving Imogen a sweet little round face and big hips/breasts and cute circular glasses, but I've also studied shape language in art. You're communicating something when you design her this way; if a character's silhouette has a lot of circles, visually that connotes being friendly, sweet, and cute. The person who first suggested drawing her with glasses explicitly said they thought it would look cute—and no shade to them! They can like whatever they want!

But canonically, Imogen is a woman in her 20s who's been dealing with unanswered questions, abandonment, loneliness, and sheer exhaustion from trying to hold back and control powers that she never asked for—and who simultaneously uses those powers even when it isn't necessary if she thinks it'll help her achieve a goal or prove a point. She isn't unfriendly, and she wants to do the right thing, but she's also someone who's consciously chosen to keep to herself for most of her life, and yet simultaneously she's quite adept at persuading and deceiving people. I think we're meant to pick up that sense of world-weariness and cynicism from her angular facial features and thin frame. That's...kind of just how character design works.

I think the trend of disregarding the official art and giving her softer features has had an impact on the perception of Imogen as a character. I see a lot of views of her that really remove a lot of her agency, treating her like she's only ever been a victim of circumstance who's never put a foot wrong. Some fans got pushback for pointing out that it really wasn't cool for Imogen to openly contemplate whether or not the Ruby Vanguard might be right in front of three people who were killed by Otohan, insisting that imogen was just dealing with a lot right then. And yes, she was, but that doesn't mean that the way she was dealing with it doesn't say something about her as a character. I don't know if I'd call it coddling, necessarily (even though perhaps there are some very coddling takes I just haven't seen), but there seems to be some resistance, in some circles, to the idea that Imogen isn't a put-upon martyr. And in those same circles, round friendly-looking glasses-wearing Imogen abounds, to the point of editing the official art itself to "fix it".

Truth be told I'd be willing to bet that the rounder cuter Imogen actually came about because of the initial impression of her, given how much fanon at the start of c3 revolved around poor baby Imogen with her scary nightmares needing the wiser, worldlier Laudna to comfort her and kiss it better, but those visuals also proliferated rather quickly and well beyond past the point where that fanon was feasible anymore, and I think both aspects of that fanon ended up informing each other. It's not lost on me that the rounder and cuter-looking Imogen performs the literal function of sanding down her harder edges.

And like I said, I'm not here to be needlessly negative toward what other people want to do. If you want to draw the characters differently to their official art, I don't think either the cast or the artist are especially offended by it. But I personally dislike it, in part because I think some of these trends are a way for fans to claim a certain amount of ownership over the characters, whether they intend it or not. And the ultimate outcome of that is that when creators inevitably assert their ownership over a deeply personal story in a way that fans don't like, the backlash is much stronger than it reasonably should be, which is something I think the CR fandom has seen often enough not to continue doing as often as it does.

[yuikomorii]

Why do so many people love Ayato?

I like him too but I just don’t see what makes him so worshipped by the fandom (no hate)

// Other than his incredible visuals, a lot of people love Ayato because he got a particular charm that makes him stand out.

To put it mildly, he's truly a good character. What makes him distinctive is that he strikes as the perfect mix between generic and unique. Ayato is recognized in Japan as the orthodox Diaboy, and Karlheinz has confirmed that he is the most human-like of his brothers BUT this doesn’t mean his personality is not complex.

Rather than being forced to be likeable, his emotions are expressed in such way that makes him feel realistic. If things don’t go his way, he gets angry and starts acting impulsively. He’s also an arrogant brat when someone irritates him, yet… you can’t really bring yourself to hate him for that. Why? Because that’s how people are in real life too. Whether they were aware of it or not, everyone has behaved like that at some point since, in certain circumstances, such actions or thoughts are unavoidable.

The thing about Ayato is that he assumes his wrongdoings and ends up trying to fix his mistakes, instead of facing no consequences, being pushed by others to take responsibility or still being portrayed positively after doing something bad.

He needs to put in a lot of effort to reach his goals; sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he fails. He’s also canonically really brave, upright, mentally strong, pure-hearted, a good boyfriend & brother, which of course, are ideal traits and a bunch of people will respect him for that. Such a flawed person having such admirable qualities creates a good balance and it’ll be very easy to see yourself in him.

[kanansdume]

I wanted to look at why it feels so frustrating for Sabine to have been utilized the way she was in the Ahsoka show and why it doesn't work even though the general concept behind it isn't inherently a bad thing.

Basically, Sabine only exists on this show, primarily, to be Ahsoka's crutch. She is the character through whom Ahsoka learns to grow. Sabine KIND-OF has her own journey as a sort-of sidestory, but her main purpose is to be there as a vessel to prompt Ahsoka's own growth.

And this is not, inherently, a bad thing to have done. Using a pre-established character in this way is fairly normal. And I'm going to compare this to the way Leia was utilized in the Kenobi show because on paper, the circumstances here are pretty similar.

Both Leia and Sabine are main characters in their own right in their original media (Leia in the OT, and Sabine in Rebels). Both Leia and Sabine did not really ever have a relationship with the main character of this new show prior to the show coming out (Obi-Wan for Leia and Ahsoka for Sabine). Both Leia and Sabine are SIDE CHARACTERS in this new show in order to support the storyline of the main character.

The difference for me is that Leia was explicitly chosen for this supporting role BECAUSE SHE'S LEIA. Leia is not mutilated and frankenstein'd into being basically unrecognizable in order to be someone who could help Obi-Wan on the journey he goes through in the Kenobi show. She is still pretty recognizable as Leia. She has the same stubbornness, the same snappy insults, the same passion and almost bossy personality. The Kenobi show and Deborah Chow have made it fairly clear that they chose the characters they did very carefully so as to provide a framework for Obi-Wan to grow through while never letting those other characters OVERSHADOW Obi-Wan just because they are also beloved characters in their own right. They very nearly didn't bring in Anakin for exactly that reason and clearly worked very hard to ensure that his presence on the show never pulls focus away from Obi-Wan entirely. Leia was also chosen specifically because they felt like it would make sense for Leia to be in this position. They chose Leia because what else could get Obi-Wan off of Tatooine in this state of mind but her? They chose Leia because who else might be able to break through Obi-Wan's depression and show him the hope for the future but her?

And while they had never had a canon relationship prior to this show, there IS just enough there to make it believable. We have a lot of obvious reasons for why Obi-Wan would care about her deeply and connect to her within a very short period of time. And we have plenty of reason for why Bail would only ever ask Obi-Wan for help in this particular situation. So the set-up for the plot and the relationship DOES EXIST within what we already know about the characters involved even if the relationship itself was new. We're also seeing that relationship develop ON SCREEN rather than being told that it existed elsewhere. The only relationships that are important here that happen off-screen are Obi-Wan and Anakin, and Obi-Wan and Bail, both of which exist within the Prequel trilogy that you can pretty safely assume most other people have seen. Everything else is developed on screen for the audience, which means nothing has to be explained at the audience through exposition.

Now let's look at Sabine. Oh Sabine. Poor darling Sabine.

Sabine was pretty clearly NOT chosen for this storyline at all. While we don't know the exact details of how this went down behind the scenes, we do know that there was AT LEAST two separate shows at one point (maybe three) that ended up getting compressed into just one: a Rebels sequel presumably involving Ahsoka and Sabine searching for Ezra, and an Ahsoka show looking at her journey of coming to terms with Anakin's betrayal. We don't know precisely how those two shows ended up combined into one; maybe the studio execs decided an animated Rebels sequel wouldn't do well and Filoni combined it with the Ahsoka show in order to preserve it in the only way he could, or maybe the studio execs came up with the combination idea on their own. We may never know. But I feel like it's pretty obvious that the original concept for the Ahsoka show likely included a Padawan storyline through which Ahsoka could come face to face with her fears and doubts about Anakin. This Padawan was probably going to be an original character who shared many of Ahsoka and Anakin's more negative traits (arrogance, brattiness, stubbornness, maybe even anger and fear from some kind of prior trauma) that would force Ahsoka to come to terms with what happened to Anakin in order to accept her Padawan.

And then the two shows got combined and Ahsoka's journey has to happen simultaneously with the search for Ezra. Except. Ahsoka's feelings about Anakin have exactly shit all to do with Ezra, or Thrawn, or the search for either of them. They could've just tossed in the original Padawan character to sort-of tag along while Sabine stayed more focused on finding Ezra, but this probably would've had the result of Sabine feeling pretty sidelined. So instead, they just... slotted Sabine into the Padawan role and nixed the original character.

Which means that Sabine lost pretty much ALL of the characteristics we knew about her from Rebels in order to fit into this new role. Instead of the merciful, compassionate, mature young adult she was by the end of Rebels, we get this overconfident bratty personality that feels more fit for a teenager than the 30 year old that Sabine actually is at this point in the timeline. Instead of being someone who connects very deeply to being a Mandalorian, suddenly she wants to be a Jedi and it's never actually explained why that is. An entire trauma was created to exist off-screen just to explain why Sabine is acting so radically out of character and even THAT isn't actually believable with how far she had come by the end of Rebels. Sabine was NOT chosen for this role because of characteristics she already had, she simply was the most convenient choice when her storyline ended up fused with Ahsoka's and as a result she is almost completely unrecognizable as a character. This isn't Sabine. It's an abomination and a piss poor shadow of the character most of us remember from Rebels.

And her relationship with Ahsoka is developed OFF screen rather than ON screen. Instead of showing us how these two ended up getting together and how they got closer to each other and learned to trust each other, etc, it just all happens years before our story starts. There's an entire history between these two characters that absolutely NOBODY is familiar with because it comes out of absolutely nowhere. And so instead of being able to WATCH these two characters come together as a team, we have to keep getting TOLD about it in either throw away lines or infodumps. Huyang keeps talking about how they work better together, Hera says they used to be good for each other, and their whole history is laid out by Baylan and Huyang separately (and the stories don't even match). There's no gradual development of trust, the two characters just careen between trusting each other and not trusting each other because of this history that is barely ever explained to us and then is apparently (almost literally) magically fixed by the end.

This is a bad way to handle this relationship even if Sabine had been a completely original character. I've seen stories where the relationship has developed off-screen and it's still, generally, worked. I mean, just for a Star Wars example most people are familiar with, let's look at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in TPM. Qui-Gon is entirely original here, nobody knows who he is, but Obi-Wan is a well-known character to the audience. It's set up fairly quickly that the two of them have been Master and Padawan for a while probably and then within the first several sequences we get an idea of what their relationship is like. We see the deference that Obi-Wan does have for Qui-Gon but we also see Obi-Wan capable of teasing Qui-Gon while in the middle of a life or death situation. We see how well Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon pick up on each other's queues and how they can team up towards a common goal. So while we haven't gotten to see their relationship develop from beginning to end, we get enough scenes of them together right off the top to give the audience a sense of what this relationship IS so that by the time you hit the Council scene, Qui-Gon's quick decision and Obi-Wan's shock at it are entirely understandable. But then so too is Obi-Wan's willingness to apologize afterwards and his grief at Qui-Gon's death.

So it's not impossible to set up a relationship where the history between the characters and the initial development of it happened off-screen. But the way the Ahsoka show handled it gives us really none of that. We don't get a lot of chances to SEE what this relationship actually is and what we do see often is wildly contradictory (for example we see Ahsoka not trusting Sabine and then an episode later we see Ahsoka trust Sabine with her life). The development that does exist in this relationship over the course of the show has to be done with the characters completely separated and they come back together and everything is just hunky dory somehow. So even without the aspect of Sabine being a pre-established character in her own right, the writing of this relationship makes no sense and doesn't allow anybody to actually invest in it or understand it.

But Sabine IS a pre-established character and a major character of a show of her own that has fans who already love her. So now this relationship not only needs to just be generally well-written and coherent, it SHOULD still feel like a believable relationship for the Sabine that fans remember and love. Those of us who knew Sabine remember that she and Ahsoka don't HAVE a relationship to pull from. Sabine cannot just be treated like an original character who doesn't have any history that fans already know about. This relationship with Ahsoka DOES need an explanation in order to make any sense and the easiest way to do that is to actually SHOW IT DEVELOPING rather than having it happen off-screen. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's version of this is able to skirt most of the actual details and just imply their history while showing us their current dynamic. Ahsoka and Sabine can't get away with that because everyone watching this who has even a passing familiarity with both characters is going to be wondering what the fuck this history even is and how ti led to this particular dynamic. Which is why we ended up with a bunch of infodumps trying to explain it to us rather than something more meaningful that allows the audience to actually connect to it.

And on top of that, this was a storyline that Rebels set up to be SABINE'S STORY. Ezra's disappeared so this was supposed to be Sabine's time to shine, her moment to be the center of attention. Which means it's not satisfying to see her end up as a support for someone else instead. It's not satisfying to see her character have to be warped and mutilated in order to support someone else. This was supposed to be Sabine's story as much as it was supposed to be Ahsoka's, but Sabine ended up getting the shorter end of the stick in the merger.

[jeskoholic]

A Little Piece of You Chapter 14: An Excess of Kwangya

This is a chapter from an on-going series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous chapter: The Mending and the Melancholy

Word count: 4,515

Tags: Male OC, Sister Irene, College Friends, Slight angst

Sorry it took so long for an update. I've been busy.

Enjoy!

---

It was like a scene from a drama. The medical students eavesdropping through their building’s windows probably never saw a scene as intense and emotional like that. It was a common knowledge that breakups were not really rare for people around their age but confrontations similar to that surely were, especially when they were just having their breaks from their normal laboratory rounds. One quick slap was what ended everything as the girl finally ran off and left the guy drenched in the rain, a lopsided umbrella lay on the floor with its purpose utterly defeated. If only the young man did not pick up the umbrella upon realization and went on off ahead, the show would have continued. He would have been the seen through a lot of cameras, being remembered as the man who stood under the rain.

Yoon Jae-in ran as fast as he could away from the scene with the thoughts of the unintended commotion with Soyeon, as well as the consequences that came with it, only brought shame to his already faulty dignity. He was prepared in case something would break out for sure, but on that grave of a circumstance it cannot be helped. The rain was just another insult to the already obvious injury and all he could do was to hang his head low in the hopes that his wet hair could conceal his face from the general public. It was unfortunate that he managed to get out of a huge commotion almost at the same time as the dismissal of the other classes, in turn causing him tread through a large swath of North Line students. Perhaps a sliver of prayer would be the best to give, hoping for none of his friends to see him in that rather unusual predicament.

Fuck, I need to get out of here.

Those were perhaps the very words that served as a mantra for him while he sprinted towards the university’s main gate. With everything that happened, he could not even put his head on the breakup with Soyeon, as his concern that time was primarily to get away from his inevitable shame. He was soaked all over: clothes, hair, shoe… perhaps the only thing that was dry in him was his heart; maybe including a couple of papers that his seemingly water-resistant bag could protect. Yoon Jae-in finally reached the final stretches of stairs, eyeing the outskirts of the university’s front street filled with students heading to and fro. Like how it contributed to his physical challenge, the rain made it so that almost every cab was either occupied or eagerly waited. Even if he dreamed to board one home, it would seem to not be the most plausible option at that very moment.

It was even weirder to think about that most of the students were surprised upon seeing a student soaked with the hard rain from head to foot despite holding a folded umbrella on one hand. Clearly, something really bad happened to this one particular North Liner in that particular afternoon.

Jae-in walked a couple of metres from the front of the university just so that he could lessen the chance of bumping into someone, while still keeping the mystery of how to head home an utmost priority. At that rate, he was already too soaked to walk towards the bus terminal or even the train station, so either way he was really in such a bad luck.

BZZZT

It was so out of nowhere but it came as quick just as lightning flashed once more on the grey skies. It was fast, and yet he was sure that he felt it. Jae-in immediately moved to the left-most side of the roofed street path, steering clear of the incoming flux of students and moved to fish out his phone. Clearly, the first person that might even contact him would naturally be the person who would know about the breakup right away. He had a huge hunch that it would be Ningning, considering he could really see Soyeon contacting her first before everyone else. If that was truly the case, then she’s really quick on messaging him.

How long has it even passed since that slap; ten minutes or about half an hour already?

That is, if it was actually her that messaged him but it would turn out that it was not. In fact, for Jae-in’s situation the sender of the message was perhaps better if not the best person who could send one.

New message from: Noona Prettiest

The rain is strong so I got a shoot cancelled. Do you want me to drop by North Line so I can drive us home together?

---AN HOUR OR SO LATER, BACK AT THE APARTMENT---

Well, this is like a scene from a drama.

“Okay, now that we’re actually home and you’re all dried up,” I heard noona’s voice call from the living room as I exited the bathroom, hanging my soaked clothes as well as changing into new ones. “Can you please tell me how on earth were you so wet with rainwater when I came to your school? You did not forget your umbrella now, did you Jae-in? What would have happened to you had I not decided to fetch you, huh?”

“I’m sorry noona… I hope that I didn’t get the car seats wet. I just… something huge happened and me getting soaked was just one of the after effects of it, I guess. I really apologize… things just have been rough lately… and that is coming from someone who never really let school things a bother…”

Joohyun noona raised an eyebrow, albeit it appeared to be springing from a concerned expression rather than a pissed one.

“Ehh…? Is there something going on?”

“No it’s… I’ve actually sorted things out now, noona. You have no idea how relieved I am despite looking so cold in front of you… it looks bad but I really am happy.”

As I was busy drying my hair with the towel, I felt Joohyun-noona approach me and hold my hand with her ever soft palms. I did not see the entire ordeal as I was really busy so it came as a shock that she actually went off and did exactly just that. I don’t even know why she would do that in the first place.

“Come with me… sit on the couch and let’s talk about it,” her voice turned soft. It sounded really concerned by I got concerned with it. It felt as if it was the calm before the storm of her anger towards me.

Was that even the case?

“You’re not… mad?”

“Sit, Yoon Jae-in,” She commanded rather sternly. Of course, despite being so soft she still had that tone of authority and concern blending carefully well. I have nothing else to do but silently follow after her. Next thing I know, I sat on the couch with a towel over my head and Joohyun-noona disappeared to her room, only to appear seconds later with a blanket on her grasp.

“Here,” she said as she draped the towel over my shoulders and body. I wonder if it was her personal blanket; I assumed that it was because it had that sweet, velvety smell to it. “I know that it should have been a while back, but I had no expectations for you to show up dripping wet like that. Use my blanket. Don’t worry, it’s clean.”

She then proceeded to sit beside me and placed her right hand over my shoulder.

“I’ll be honest; I was a supposed to get angry at you when I saw you board the car. I don’t mind getting the car wet; for me that was the least of my concerns. I was really on the brink of being furious yet your face… your face when you entered the car door was different. It was quite unlike what I saw from you before, so I just resorted to rush home and keep you warm as much as I could.”

“I… I had that different look on me, noona?”

Joohyun-noona nodded.

“Your eyes looked different. You sure look sad but relieved at the same time. I don’t exactly understand why you would have that kind of look with you, but you did. It was weird. Do you mind elaborating about that?”

“Actually… I… I got slapped just now… not that long ago when we saw each other… the real reason why I was soaked when you saw me was anchored with that, noona… I have no idea how else I would have gotten home if it were not for your fetch. I got fortunate that your shoot got cancelled when it did.”

“Wait, wait, wait… did I just hear that right, Jae in?” I saw noona’s expression change. If she was not curious before, she definitely was now. Her eyes displayed nothing but pure inquiry. “Did I hear that right? You got slapped?! How… how on earth would you even get slapped? Did I just hear that wrong or were you really slapped across you face? Who would even do that to you and why would they do that?!”

I shifted a bit on my end of the couch. Things are about to come out to her now.

“Do you… do you remember that time when I was staring at Wonyoung’s letter…?”

“Of course I do… wait, did that girl do this to you!? Was Wonyoung the one who slapped you across your face?!”

“What…? No! Noona… please listen to me first… it’s…. I told you that night that I was keeping it as a reminder… I fished it out of my drawer for that very reason, all before you even asked me to tell the story about my ex-girlfriend. Today… today I felt like I just prevented a possibility of another Wonyoung situation from happening again, noona. Actually… there’s someone that confessed to me that they liked me and…”

The awkwardness of this whole thing never really sank in me until I was about to tell Joohyun-noona of everything that happened. Oh my, now there’s no real way to back out in this impending conversation.

However, on hindsight I really should have told her of the situation. She, of all people, could help me the best.

Maybe not entirely in detail, but… whatever….

“… And earlier today, I have given things a fair bit of thought and decided that… with all the signs from before, the way that this girl acted as well as the things I learned from my ex-girlfriend, Wonyoung… I figured I was not yet ready for the kind of relationship that this particular girl was aiming for. I could easily just have went with the flow and agreed to date her once and for all, but in good conscience I just could not do that. I think no human being deserves to have that.”

“So, you never really liked this girl and you finally said ‘no’ today?” Joohyun-noona asked. “Is that why she slapped you?”

I nodded.

“I figured that it was bound to happen, noona. I just hope that she would understand why I did that in the long run. At least by then, I could say that the pain across my face was worth it.”

“Why are you soaked then?”

“She… she left me under the rain...After the slap, there was a commotion and I just... I just stood there until she went off. I didn’t even realize that I was standing in the rain.”

“Does it still hurt? Can I see that?”

I was about to tell her that it was fine, honestly. Soyeon’s slap was strong to the point that I could still feel the force of her palm just as I arrived home but I could hold it in. However, before I could even protest, my step-sister already moved from her side of the couch towards my direction, placing her soft palms over the left cheek of where I was slapped previously. She brought her face dangerously close as well that I could see every small detail of her beautiful presence right before my very eyes. Her warm breathing was grazing softly against the skin of my chin.

I don’t know, but I immediately panicked on the spot. I never got this close with noona ever.

“N-noona,” I blurted out which clearly startled her. My head immediately formulated the first reasonable question it could produce at that moment. “H-how did you know that… that I got slapped right there?”

“I mean, if she was right handed, this is where her palm would land first.”

She gave my cheek a light tap and admittedly, it stung. Perhaps I was too obvious with that as Irene-noona immediately withdrew from being relatively close to me. Despite that, she still kept her hand planted on my cheek.

“It still hurts then. Let’s get that treated, Jae-in. Also, tell me what you like to eat. Even if it’s something that I can’t cook, we can just get it delivered.”

“No, that’s not necessary now, noona… I could make do of whatever you could cook there, heck I don’t even mind cooking myself; you don’t need to go out of your way and even go online just for me.”

She tapped her hand on my cheek again, inciting another painful reaction from the stinging sensation it gave.

“Yah,” she frowned and I must admit: her eyes felt like they were already talking to me. “At least let me treat you. You already got slapped. Plus, you’ve decided to do the right thing for whoever this girl was… just think of this as a form of me showing my appreciation for your decision, for your maturity… And also, there’s a huge tendency for you to get sick because of what you did so let me treat you with healthy food. That way, your body can combat the natural reactions.  I’m better off feeding you with something than take care of you because you’re sick; you little bean of a Jae-in.”

“I… okay then, noona… I’ll… I’ll let you do that.”

“Okay, it’s decided. I’ll leave you here for a bit and I’d get some stuff from the shops down below. Hopefully there’s something there that I would take a liking to. That way, we can eat right away and not even wait for the delivery to arrive. In the meantime, there’s hot water on the container. If you need something hot to drink, you can get some from there.”

Joohyun-noona stood up and brushed her shirt, but not before moving to give my head with soft series of pats. With how gentle she did it, her soft palms barely felt like it even grazed my crowning glory.

I nodded silently as she finally headed towards her room. That was, to my assumption anyway, to change into something that could combat the cold from the outside. It was no longer raining, thankfully, but that does not mean that the post-rain evening’s coolness was something to scoff at.

As I bade another soft farewell to noona while she exited through the door, I headed towards the kitchen and fished out the electric kettle just as she mentioned. At that moment, there was only a single sentence among a lot of things that solidified my train of thought for the evening:

I was so damn lucky to have a sister such as Bae Joohyun.

 Ever since she invited me to live with her, things have drastically altered my life for the better. I do not know if I could even make the decision I chose back there had I not have her advice on the back of my head. I would have definitely turned into another person for sure.

One more thing; I could easily have been ground meat the moment that she saw me soaked. Her not getting angry, among the plethora of things that seemed to align on this very day… it was just fucking amazing. There are a lot of things that happened today for sure, but this impending dinner with my ever so loving step sister felt like it was indeed a reward for what happened.

I just did it.

Things have not even sunk in me just yet… until now that I was alone with nothing else to think about.

I finally let go of Jeon Soyeon.

I did exactly what I said I would do.

Whatever comes after that; I must be brave to face the consequences. I must be able to uphold this decision as firm and as dedicated as I could.

I bet that at this point in time, something must have already happened within the messaging group. I would be really surprised if there wasn’t.

Worse case was… maybe Soyeon would have gone drinking with some other friend group of hers once again. If that was the case, then I don’t think that was still on me. That would already be on her. I did what I came for and that was to end everything once and for all. It had to be done for the greater good.

I have a feeling that this would not be the final interaction between Soyeon and me. I’m sure in the future; we’ll be able to talk again as friends. I could only hope so much, however.

The thought of the group’s reaction intrigued me beyond comprehension and I can’t keep everything to myself. With that in mind, I moved to fish out the phone placed on top of the oven toaster previously. I had a feeling that I would head to the kitchen after the shower and so I placed it there beforehand, fetching it before I went back to the dining table to enjoy the hot chocolate I made.

I connected my phone into the internet and pushed the icon of the messaging group, and that one push was all that I needed before my entire notification bar was flooded with messages from…

‘United Kwangya’…?

What even is that?

And then it hit me: it was a messaging group. In fact, it was the very same messaging group from before; the one that I had with Kyungsoo and the others, just under a different name… only now that everything was wrought in chaos. I don’t know who or what was the reason why they changed the name, but I trust that it was another product of the chaos that was happening. It might be an aftermath, it might not be, but it’s nothing short of confusing for sure.

What is going on?

---

Yoon Jae-in took a good sip from his prepared hot chocolate drink and proceeded to open the said conversation. The thought of the chaos being tied to him and Soyeon was already there and perhaps he, too, wanted a confirmation. However, his inner curiosity with regards to the previously unnamed group’s new peculiar group chat name weighed heavier, especially the perpetrator. He opened the group and almost everyone else was typing at the same exact time. Their portraits with multiple ellipses showed as he scrolled down to the most recent messages.

Kyungsoo: Hey, who the hell did that? Please just leave her be. I think there’s something going on so let’s just not barge in if Soyeon’s not interested to be added back. Stop being jack-asses.

Shinwon: Oh, something happened for sure otherwise she would not leave without even a message. I’m sure she’s told someone already, or we could just wait for Jae-in to go online and ask him.

I’m pretty sure Shinwon connected the dots already, Jae-in thought to himself. It’s not that long ago when we talked about her after all. It would take time before he would realize, though.

Kino: They could have had an argument or something. That’s just normal; it’s not like it’s something new. Let’s just shut up. It’ll pass. Who knows; maybe they’re even smashing RN and do not want to be disturbed. People do that to make up to each other right?

Kyungsoo: Hey, watch your mouth @Kino. We have other people here. Please don’t give them the wrong idea about us.

Yeri: I’m sorry. I think Soyeon left because I just got added: (. Maybe she got uncomfy that I got added here.

Kyungsoo: @Yeri, don’t worry about that. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you.

Wait, since when was Yeri added to the chat?

Jae-in, with curiosity already getting the better of him, moved to scroll past the arguing bunch and actually give context to what was going on. It was evident from the talk that Soyeon has left the group, somehow Yeri got added into the mix and then the group chat’s name got changed. His scrolling fortunately yielded answers to his queries, and things seemed to have become worse the more that he continued to read on upwards.

About an hour after the pair of them argued, the first thing that notified the group was Soyeon leaving without any response or message whatsoever. He also saw that Hongseok and Kino repeatedly attempted to add her back towards the group only for her to do the same thing of leaving without a message. It was quite obvious; she did not want to be in the same chat with Yoon Jae-in.

Then of course, Jae-in moved to open her private messages to him via the chat tab, hoping to confirm what he already had in his mind.

This person is unavailable.

Of course, it was quite the expected reaction. At that rate, had Soyeon not block him right away it would have been more surprising. That kind of development never really surprised Jae-in by any means. There was a part of him that was appreciative of the absence of message; surely, it was quite expected for her to throw in some words before blocking him for good. It was perhaps for the better that she did that.

Jae-in minimized the header for Soyeon’s portrait and moved to scan the unopened messages. Aside from the chaos of the group chat, United Kwangya, Doh Kyungsoo had a good amount of private messages directed to him. The first one that was on the face of it; the one message that Jae-in need not to even open to know what he said contained the following:

Kyungsoo: I don’t want to interfere but things are getting out of hand. Soyeon’s not replying to me, or to other members for that matter. Maybe you and her just…

The rest of the message was cut. Jae-in wanted to open the chat and message Kyungsoo in explanation of everything. He was, after all, the person who introduced Soyeon to him so if there was anyone who deserved an explanation first-hand, it would be him. However, just the tone of that heading chat already intimidated him. He somehow heard the voice of a very disappointed Kyungsoo messaging him that he could not bring himself to open the messages and reply to what followed.

Surprisingly, it was not Kyungsoo’s tab that was on the very top. Ning Yi Zhuo’s portrait flashed, signalling a recent message that she brought to him privately. Despite the initial decision to draw the attention away from the chaos, Jae-in moved and opened her chat tab hoping to converse with her.

Ningning: Jae-in, I know what happened with you and Soyeon and I’m sorry if it was not your intention to let me know.

Ningning: Soyeon came knocking at the front door of my dorm, all wet from the rain and asking if she could stay for a while. She unintentionally blurted out everything while she was changing clothes, so here we are. I decided to take her in because it’s too stupid to bring her out in the rain at this time.

Ningning: Please don’t think that I’m messaging you to guilt-trip you or anything. Soyeon might be my friend, but you are as well. I don’t think that I’m on the position to tell you what my side of the equation is without placing more fuel to the already bad looking fire. I just wanted you to know where she is because I figured you’re worried.

Ningning: She told me repeatedly that she would block you the first chance she gets. If you can’t message her now, it means that she already did it. Don’t worry; I’ll take care of her while she’s still on a huge emotional mess. That’s all I can assure you of her for now.

Ningning: Please, I don’t want to talk to the others because they might ask her of me. Can you be the one to tell them to not add her back for the time-being? Doing that would not help her to any degree while the wound is still fresh.

Jae-in’s heart leapt out of his chest the moment that he read Ningning’s soft message. A huge thorn just got shot out of his chest knowing Soyeon was safe with Ningning and not on some bar whatsoever. For now, he could relax and lull in his mind while the situation cools itself down.

Grateful, he moved to open the replier and provide a simple appreciation message for Ningning’s actions.

Jae-in: Hey, you have no idea how relieved I am to know that she’s with you. Take care of her while she’s there, okay? Thank you so much, Ning. You’re such a huge help.

Surprisingly, she replied almost immediately after she saw the message.

Ningning: We’re cool. Give her space for a bit and maybe you two can talk in the future. Take care, Yoon Jae-in.

Whether he would want to reply more to that or not was already behind him. The thought of Soyeon being in a safe place was already a reward in itself for Yoon Jae-in; he was so relaxed that he opened the chat tab subconsciously, with the conversation wildly being tossed around by Hongseok, Kino, and Kyungsoo. Everything was so out of context but he did not care; savouring on the recent topic of Kino’s screen being cracked after the hand phone slipped off from his grasp.

A soft squeak of the apartment door finally signalled his step-sister’s return. Joohyun showed up holding two paper bags that stood high up towards her shoulders, giving a wide smile towards Jae-in as she finally entered the apartment after closing the door behind her.

“Wait, let me help you there noona,” Jae-in said as he enthusiastically left the phone and went towards Joohyun’s direction.

And just like that, Jae-in left the messaging group generating disorder within its own members; and as Jae-in helped Irene set the respective food on the table, ‘United Kwangya’ repeatedly teased Kino for sending a screenshot. He figured that it was a good proof of showing everyone else in the chat that his phone’s screen really cracked, and he was not even able to realize what was wrong with that until Jae-in eventually fished his phone back in preparation for the upcoming dinner.

[lillaluna]

just game ch.2

Pairing: Scaramouche x Xiao x f!Reader

Tags: unspecified relationship, modern au

just game ch.1

It's been 24 hours since that night. And you can say that since that evening you have lost your peace. The thoughts were chasing you, and their essence was how to behave with your friends now? Is it worth discussing all this or pretending that nothing happened?

It was early Saturday morning, and you were jogging on the treadmill, completely lost in your inner thoughts. You missed the lectures on Friday, you just couldn't bring yourself to go and look at Scaramouche and Xiao's faces, but then there was the fact that neither of them tried to contact you. It literally resonated with your past relationships, where you should have been a few minutes late, as you immediately received calls or messages on your phone asking where you had disappeared. But not now…

You were getting more and more worried about the fact that you decided to do that thing at all. Yes, at first it seemed funny to excite these two jerks, but how could you know that everything would turn into a threesome? But it made you cringe even more that you liked it.

There was music playing in your headphones. Loud enough to drown out the sounds of other gym equipment in the gym, but quiet enough that you could hear the sounds of the treadmill you were practicing on. Suddenly, a cold palm touched your hand, which startled you and almost tripped over your own feet, losing the rhythm, but having oriented yourself in time, you stood on the sides of the device.

Turning your head, you saw Clorinde, with whom you have been quite close friends since the first year. The dark-haired girl was looking at you with raised eyebrows in a silent question, her face expressing irritation rather than concern.

"Well, what do you mean…" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

You pursed your lips and reached out with your hand to slow down the pace of the tape you've been running on for the last half hour.

"I wasn't feeling well," You replied dryly, continuing to walk around the simulator and looking away from the window in front of you.

"Leave it for those who don't know you. Didn't you feel well? How so. You haven't missed Kamisato's lectures in three years, and now, my dear, it's half past seven in the morning. Too cheerful for the one who was "not well."

Clorinde was very perceptive, a person with cold logic when the situation demanded it, and unfortunately for you, she was great at reading people, well, you in particular.

You took the headphones out of your ears, getting back on the side of the treadmill.

"I couldn't come to the lectures on Friday, okay? Were… circumstances."

"Which ones?" Your friend was asking without taking her piercing gaze off you. "I literally lost you on Thursday night. On Friday, you didn't show up for lessons, didn't answer my calls, didn't open the door for me, and apparently you're going to continue in the same spirit! What the fuck?"

"It just so happened…" you muttered, starting to frantically poke your fingers at the screen of the device under you, trying to stop it. The pressure made you mad, which made you unable to pull yourself together. The simulator beeped plaintively and you exhaled noisily. Clorinde leaned over the support to quickly press the right key to stop the tape and immediately turned to you.

"To the locker room. Quickly!"

You moaned, closing your eyes, as the girl dragged you by the hand towards the room with clothes. Clorinde checked all the passages leading to the drawers with personal belongings to make sure that you were alone in the room and leaned on the nearest cells and looked at you defiantly. You sat down on a bench and tilted your head to the ceiling. You weren't afraid of being judged by her, but what's the right way to tell a friend that you had a gangbang with your best friends?

In general, the girl standing next to you had quite free views in terms of intimate relationships. She was interested in both girls and boys. There were even rumors on campus that she had once seduced French professor Neuvillette.

Clorinde cleared her throat loudly and ostentatiously, still waiting. You made a long sound and lowered your head and covered your face with your hands.

"I slept with Xiao," You mumbled into your palms.

"I'm sorry?" the girl spoke stupidly. "My hearing seems to be failing me today."

"And with Skara. With both of them, on Thursday."

"Oh," was all that came out of Clorinde's mouth as she furrowed her brows, clearly digesting the information. The girl let the air out of her mouth and took a few steps towards you, sitting down next to you and crossing her legs, leaning her elbow on her knee and propping her face with her palm. You looked at her, looking for a clue in her facial expressions what she was going to say now.

"And how is it?" Clorinde gave out, her face changing in a second. Her eyes were slyly narrowed, and a sly smile played on her lips.

"What?" you exhaled literally on the move, wondering if you should be happy with her reaction or if she has not yet understood the meaning of your words.

"Whose penis is bigger?" The brunette repeated cheerfully with a serious look, as if you hadn't just said that you fucked two of your friends.

"You… I…" you began to stutter, looking at your friend dumbfounded, "Did you listen to me at all, are you damn confused by the fact that I participated in a threesome?"

"And you?" Clorinde just asked, shrugging her shoulders. "Listen, baby, I've thought over all the worst-case scenarios from where you just threw up all night to where you got hit by a car. And you just had a good fuck, and now you're biting yourself because of it? Are you worried about the very fact of what happened or who it happened to? But I hasten to reassure you about one thing, if they cum, they definitely liked it."

"Clorinde…" you moaned, covering your face with your hands again. "I can't pull myself together. Neither Skara, nor Xiao, nor any of them got in touch. Not yesterday, not today. I… what if they hate me now? Suddenly they think I'm a whore or something…" You looked pleadingly at the girl next to you, but she just snorted and waved it away.

"You think too much. They're probably lying there in a euphoric coma, still twitching at the memories."

You tried to give a semblance of a smile. Clorinde got up from the bench and held out her hand to you.

"Come on, let's go have a good workout, since we're here. And in the evening… We'll go to a bar where we'll get really drunk."

You put your hand in the girl's hand. In the end, now you've shared your feelings with someone and the best thing is that you haven't been judged.

…

It was eight o'clock at night when you were standing in your room in front of the mirror. Music was quietly pouring out of the speakers, something from the Stray Kids repertoire, but you were still immersed in your thoughts without dwelling on the melody. It seemed to you more and more that Clorinde was right, and it was only the guys' problems that they still hadn't shown up, because you were satisfied with what happened, even if it went beyond someone's normality.

You were tracing your lips with your favorite pencil when you heard the sound of a message coming to your phone, which was lying on the table. After examining yourself in the reflection one last time, you nodded contentedly to your double in the glass. You were wearing a white off-the-shoulder top with a pattern of red hearts, and blue bell-bottomed jeans with a high rise accentuated your waist. You walked over to the table, picking up the red pumps in your hands on the way. Unlocking your phone with a face-id you held your breath at the message that popped up there.

Xiao: We need to talk. Open up, I'm outside the door.

The heat immediately rose to your cheeks, and the lump in your throat still didn't want to push down. All your confidence, which Clorinde had been working so hard to revive all day, was falling apart like a house of cards in the wind. On the other hand, wasn't that what you wanted?

Putting the phone in the back pocket of your jeans, you closed the laptop and walked to the door. Removing the white bag from the buttonhole, you confidently took hold of the door handle, and releasing a convulsive sigh, opened it.

Xiao was standing with his back to you and when he heard the noise, he turned around. The gloomy expression on his face was immediately replaced by surprise at the sight of you.

"Going somewhere?"

"Uh…Yes." You said putting the shoes on the floor and then putting them on.

The guy was looking down at you with a vague expression on his face. You could tell that he was confused, but on the other hand, his gaze was soft, but the furrowed brows said that he was thinking about something carefully.

"Clorinde and I are going to the bar "Sounds like a plan." Itto will be there and I think Kaveh from architecture was supposed to be there. We thought we'd hang out a little." You turned your back on the guy, closing the door and out of the corner of your ear hearing him shifting from one foot to the other. Putting the keys in your purse, you turned around, carefully avoiding looking into his eyes. There was definitely an awkwardness between you. No one understood how to proceed. Xiao ran one hand through the hair at the back of his neck, making either a mumble or a sigh.

You hugged yourself by the shoulders, staring at his black Nikes, then followed Xiao's black jeans with your eyes, not stopping much higher on the white T-shirt, over which was draped a haori with dragon patterns. You glanced fearfully at his lips and you had a sharp flashback on the very night when those same lips were biting your nipples.

You shook your head, pushing away the lewd scenes, not daring to look into his eyes. Deciding that it was stupid to stand in the hallway like that, you silently turned around and walked towards the exit, slowly, making it clear that Xiao could join you. That's how, in embarrassment and confusion, you went out onto the flight of stairs. Neither of you said a word, and it was probably the longest silence between you since you've known each other since high school.

You were about to go down to the floor below when the guy grabbed your wrist and stopped you. Without expecting it, you felt a heat run through your body, settling somewhere in your stomach. His touch burned, it wasn't gentle or careful, on the contrary, he held you tightly.

"Wait. I still want to talk."

You squeezed your eyes shut and pursed your lips, but turning to the guy, you tried to give yourself an appearance of forced calm and even smile awkwardly. Of course, you suspected what was going to be discussed, and how wrong you were, thinking all this time that you were ready for this conversation at all. The heart in your chest was pounding treacherously against your rib cage and you could have sworn that Xiao could hear it.

"What happened…" the guy began, "…I…I'm…I'm sorry."

Your eyebrows crept upwards in surprise. That was definitely not what you wanted or planned to hear. Yeah, maybe some portion of your ego had just been destroyed.

"Okay…" You said emotionlessly, turning towards the stairs again, but Xiao pulled you back again, still not letting go of your wrist.

"Oh, come on, wait a minute. I… I felt so guilty the next day. I just couldn't even imagine the look in your eyes when we pulled that…"

"Hey, hey." You stopped that stream of words. "What are you talking about? Basically, I'm the one who pushed you down this path. Yes, a gangbang wasn't a necessary attribute that night. But what happened, happened. Right? You and Skara…"

"We're in a fight," the guy said sharply.

"Oh…," you smacked your lips and then ran your tongue over them completely forgetting that you had make-up on tonight. "I'm sorry, and I hope it's not because of the situation with us…with everyone."

In your back pocket your phone beeped again with the sound of a text coming in, it must have been Clorinde. You jerked your hand to get the device out, but you were hit by the fact that Xiao was still holding you, only his grip was much softer than the first time. You shifted your gaze to his face and saw that he was also looking at the spot where he had touched your skin. It seemed like the guy hadn't quite made his point yet and now, at this very moment, he was fighting his demons in his head.

Xiao looked up at you with his golden eyes, and you felt his thumb run up your arm. He was no longer holding you, but his hand was still on your wrist.

The phone beeped again and the sound brought him out of his stupor. He abruptly pulled you to him, kissing you greedily on your closed lips. All your efforts at make-up had just gone to hell.

Your eyes remained open as he brazenly slipped his tongue into your mouth, and you mewled pitifully and began to slap his shoulders with all your might, trying to break free. It succeeded.

Both you and Xiao, both of you were breathing heavily.

"What the fuck? Xiao…"

"I can't think about anything else since that night! And it's literally eating me up. It was all so wrong, but I want it again. I want to fuck you alone. I want to feel your touch, I want to touch your thighs and feel you inside. And I don't want Skara anywhere near me. Fuck!"

Xiao slammed his fist into the wall with all his might, causing you to jerk. Never before had you witnessed such a thing from this guy. And even more, in theory you could have guessed this turn of events from Scaramucci, because he, thanks to his enormous self-confidence, never hid the fact that he wouldn't mind getting into your knickers. But Xiao? The sensible, mostly calm Xiao was just turning everything upside down right now.

"I…I have to go." You said quickly and without waiting for an answer, you headed down the stairs.

Yeah, you're going to get really drunk tonight.

[rebeccadumaurier]

will martha wells dare to imagine the end of capitalism? and other thoughts on system collapse (and the rest of the murderbot diaries)

I'm writing this post because the wait for System Collapse is killing me and I need something to do. These are not so much predictions of specific, concrete events—I am terrible at predictions and bad with plot—so much as exploring existing thematic arcs in the series and tracing them to what I think are their natural ends. (Also, this post uses "bot" and "construct" interchangeably because I'm lazy. Sorry, MB.)

Some points I think the rest of the series (SC and onwards) may hit on:

Further development, and let's say "stress testing," of ART and Murderbot's relationship, and bot/construct relationships in general

Every day I go insane about this conversation MB has with ART early in Artificial Condition, which is not very subtle foreshadowing:

[ART said], My crew always considers me trustworthy. I shouldn’t have let it watch all those episodes of Worldhoppers. “I’m not your crew. I’m not a human. I’m a construct. Constructs and bots can’t trust each other.” It was quiet for ten precious seconds, though I could tell from the spike in its feed activity it was doing something. I realized it must be searching its databases, looking for a way to refute my statement. Then it said, Why not? I had spent so much time pretending to be patient with humans asking stupid questions. I should have more self-control than this. “Because we both have to follow human orders. A human could tell you to purge my memory. A human could tell me to destroy your systems.” I thought it would argue that I couldn’t possibly hurt it, which would derail the whole conversation. But it said, There are no humans here now.

But in the future there will be humans who could tell ART to do something undesirable to MB (technically, NE already did this to some extent, but it didn't fully address the issue). Artificial Condition in fact explicitly notes ART doesn't have a refutation to that particular argument, and that's why they can't trust each other. We get some initial glimpses in Network Effect of this—ART makes its own decision to save Murderbot, and thankfully its crew agrees with the plan, but we can't expect ART and its crew to be in agreement forever.

Frankly, a lot of ART's plans seem to rely on either (1) its humans / the people in charge of it agreeing with it or (2) them not being around to disagree, which is going to be a problem sooner or later, especially as Murderbot's view of humans is not as ... positive as ART's. Network Effect dances around this problem because both the Preservation people and ART's crew are good people who largely support ART and MB in their decisions, but I don't think that will always be the case.

(Side note: I am once again thinking of Murderbot's surprise that Don Abene allowed Miki to override her orders in Rogue Protocol, and the bot spectrum of "cannot disobey orders literally ever" (like SecUnits) to "can disobey orders in the right circumstances" (like Miki) to "can mostly just do whatever but ultimately bots still have their programming" and how MB views ART's place on that spectrum. Also I am once again begging Murderbot to please reflect more on Miki's death, but given its current level of emotional repression, I am not optimistic about this.)

Leading me to my next point—

The question of ownership, independence, and property in the Murderbot universe

As Murderbot has mentioned various times, the people of Preservation call themselves "guardians" of bots rather than owners, but it's still very much ownership (and MB is right to point this out and express discomfort about it). MB knows it's fortunate that its owner—sorry, guardian, Mensah, allows it a ton of freedom, but legally, MB is still Mensah's property. Mensah's approach is a single, individual band-aid in that it may (for now) allow MB to live a life more or less of its choosing, but it doesn't address the larger systematic issue that actually, owning these bots is fucked up and many people exploit the bots they own, including people who think that they're already being incredibly generous and goodhearted simply by not abusing bots. (I'd need to go back and review, but I got the latter vibe from many of the Preservation bot owners in Fugitive Telemetry.)

Martha Wells seems like she will address this larger issue later. I don't know how, but I'm sure "Murderbot gets dragged into it and has to *gasp* talk about its feelings" will happen somehow, since that recurs frequently.

What healing from trauma looks like for a bot/construct

Dr. Bharadwaj has already suggested that Murderbot could use therapy ("trauma treatment" but like ... sounds like it's therapy combined with some other self care / community care strategies), and Murderbot is not subtle about its whole "I have been through many horrific things but I will pretend it's totally fine and not a big deal" coping strategy. I'd be interested to see what role ART plays in this—it's quite scarred from the events of Network Effect, will need to heal, and is unlikely to do the "yeah whatever that's just what my life is like" strategy MB adopted, because that's not what its life is like.

(Side note: in NE, MB says being taken over by targetControlSystem "would be like having a governor module again. No, not again. Never again." To MB, the loss of control ART experienced is similar to what MB's life was like every day until it hacked its module. I'M SO. 😭)

But therapy for a bot would look very different from therapy for a human, and I'm doubtful there's any therapists out there equipped to handle it. The "nicest" humans, if you will, seem to be the PreservationAux citizens, and they still have a long way to go on their understanding of bots. Also, much like in real life, therapy is not a cure-all for everything and there's a lot of terrible therapists, issues with psychiatry, etc. I will not get into—so I'm not actually saying that Bhadwaraj's idea of "trauma treatment" is the specific route MB will take to heal, I'm just curious what it's gonna take to get it to open up and be willingly emotionally vulnerable.

Who is Murderbot outside its day job? (aka its hypercompetence with regard to security)

One of Murderbot's defining traits is that it's an incredibly competent person, even when (often especially when) surrounded by much less competent people. The Goodreads blurb for System Collapse implies this won't always be the case:

But there’s something wrong with Murderbot; it isn’t running within normal operational parameters. ART’s crew and the humans from Preservation are doing everything they can to protect the colonists, but with Barish-Estranza’s SecUnit-heavy persuasion teams, they’re going to have to hope Murderbot figures out what’s wrong with itself, and fast!

My first reaction is: "hey, why is Murderbot the only one who has to figure that out?!" (Not that I think ART or the humans are jerks who don't care about its problems or don't want to help; I think Murderbot has trouble asking for help or even imagining people want to help it, e.g. its assumption in NE everyone just left it behind to die when it was captured.) The inherent question with characters who define themselves through their hypercompetence at something is: who do they become when they can no longer rely on that? (For example, who is a star athlete when they get a permanent injury? Who is a brilliant painter when they go blind? etc.)

ART already had to grapple with that to some extent when it lost control of itself in NE and couldn't rely on itself or its crew, so it resorted to kidnapping MB to fix the problem. But that doesn't deal with the larger identity crisis / struggle for self-definition at play, which is essentially: Who is Murderbot when it's not useful, when it's not able to do what it was created to do?

Speaking of which, this is very relevant to my title question—

Will we see Martha Wells envision the end of capitalism???

The Murderbot Diaries is the story of a single bot and its friends / enemies / etc., and I'm perfectly happy if it stays that way and focuses on MB's internal journey. But Martha Wells seems like an ambitious enough author to imagine wider solutions to the problems that plague the Murderbot universe, which is namely that corporations are evil. If corporations were not so evil, we wouldn't have our corporation-hating traumatized-by-corporations created-by-a-corporation-and-struggling-with-it protagonist. There's indentured servants in Rogue Protocol. There is literally a space version of the Underground Railroad in Fugitive Telemetry. It is impossible to understand this series without understanding that it is a very, very vicious critique of capitalism, and without this critique laying out its foundations, we would not have most of its characters, including Murderbot itself. Preservation is already a first step in that it seems to be some sort of utopian commune devoid of corporations or privatization—which is a huge step in itself, that Wells envisions a world devoid of capitalism—but it's one small (and still imperfect, re: earlier discussion of treatment of bots) planet in a large, dysfunctional universe.

So far the series has been Murderbot dealing with individual evil corporations (GrayCris, Barish-Estranza, etc), but mainly in the context of one crisis at a time, with regard to saving only its friends / clients. (It's fine with leaving Eletra to Barish-Estranza in NE, for example.) I do not think Murderbot will singlehandedly destroy capitalism or that its goal is to do so—it's not a fix-everything save-everyone hero, no one is, one of the points of the series is that you should not attempt everything alone—but this series has done plenty of exploration of the evils of capitalism; I would like to see Martha Wells explore how we could end it.

[lakesbian]

i need toknow what the fuck is happening in rose's brain (or was before blake got eated rather) i may have to undergo the mortifying ordeal of theoryposting publicly and all. which is why people wanted me to liveblog in the first place. anyway. why the fuck did she hug him. what's wrong with her brain. i'm compelled by the idea of like. upper middle class bitchy cutthroat cishet white girl doing a very good job at Continuing The Cycle--not necessarily lying to herself that the way she's behaving is because she's the only good-hearted one here being slighted by everyone else like some of her relatives might be--but believing that the ends justify the means, or perhaps that performing those means to perpetuate those ends is inevitable and/or inescapable on her behalf. she was born into & raised by The Thorburns and not only can't escape but quite possibly has no Desire to escape the perpetuation of the involved cruelties--task set upon her which she will grimly carry out as her grandmother did before her and etc etc.

the interesting wrench here for her is that part of carrying out those tasks means watching someone who is literally [deep inhale] Herself But If She, Due To Different Life Circumstance, Left Home, Experienced Different Traumas, Attained A Deeply Loving Friend Group, And Formed A Personality Based Largely Around Kindness And Fair + Equal Exchange march like a lamb to the sacrificial altar to buy her time. perhaps nudging his course on the way to the altar at times but largely just watching it because he's a really blundering meandering lamb who doesn't like being told what to do very much. (neither, i imagine, does she.) which, like, that's an inherently fascinating dynamic. not just seeing but Knowing the person she could've been if she had only stepped away from the cycles of family cruelty. blake is doomed, bound to die (obligatory: badly) and drag people down with him with very little awareness of the fact and without making anything tangibly better for the next generation. he's bullheaded, and he doesn't read the fucking books, and he's quite frequently impulsive and bad at compromising and prone to horrendous mistakes which harm far more people than just him.

he's also the type of person who can talk at length about how amazing his friends' art is, how much he loves the tattoos he got from one of them. who will lend his own jacket to an acquaintance even when he's in worse shape. who will take on nigh-suicidal tasks not because he Is suicidal (or at least isn't yet, anyway) but just because they needed doing and no one but him was willing.

how do you, as a bitch of a woman trapped in (& willing to function within the trap of) the horrors of your particular family, meet a You who turned out like that, and not hate him at least a little? find him bumbling and annoying and ignorant, resent him for not being the best sacrificial lamb he could be, for being the type of person who ran away from home instead of getting it into a chokehold. but also, how are you not at least a little fascinated by him? the vestige of what could have been will be gone the second the illusion of blake thorburn inevitably shatters and she takes back her rightful place, but for the brief period of time where that illusion is solid, how could she resist the urge to entertain the idea least a little? the idea of a version of her that will put up with a hug purely to make her feel better despite hating touch, the idea of a version of her that naively believes there's a good way out for both of them.

like i think perhaps she hates his ass because his ass is, from her perspective, a dumb and cringefail miserable little sacrificial lamb who is going to be a BITCH to play along with until whenever he kicks the bucket. and she is fully aware that she is lying her ass off because she has 0 desire to intervene in the process of this alternate-her marching himself to the altar for her. but also she mayhaps. occasionally. just a little. gets lost in the sauce of that game of pretend where she's pretending she actually respects him as an equal or has real investment in him not dying badly. is this anything. are we going anywhere with this. like literally what If you met an alternate version of you and that alternate version of you is dumb and stupid and unsustainable and totally fucked but also nicey. you would totally Strongly Dislike their ass but also Genuinely find yourself compelled to wring a moment of real affection or connection out of them before they explode. anyway blake has next to none of these complexes about her and thus no hypothetical weird psychosexual obsession with her. but rose? yeah you can get a hypothetical weird psychosexual obsession with blake out of rose.

[sagau-my-beloved]

A Lack of Patience and the Fortunate Result, Part: 2

Warnings: general sagau

-

"Oh your grace~"

You opened your eyes, which you hadn't realized you even closed in the first place, at the sound of a foreign voice that happened to be eerily close to your ear. Catching sight of a figure out of the corner of your eye, you nearly jumped out of your skin before realizing it was just Venti.

'Just Venti', that was practically scoff worthy. 'Just a physical manifestation of my mental decay' was just as concerning and about just as accurate.

A physical manifestation that seems to have made you eggs no less... Which were rather burnt looking as he held them out to you nervously.

You blinked once, then twice, he blinked back in response, his nervous look becoming more so at the growing silence.

You tentatively sat up after a moment, not missing the pain in your neck from the awkward sleeping position, taking the outstretched plate into your own hands and mumbling out something akin to a confused 'thank you?' as he handed you a fork.

Well, it looks as though he did some poking around your kitchen. You spared a tentative glance behind you, prepared to witness complete wreckage, the likes of which mimicking that of a passing tornado, which wouldn't be too entirely uncharacteristic, given the circumstances, only to see the stove looked pretty unused.

You spared a questionable glance in his direction, though you weren't entirely sure you wanted to know the answer to the unspoken question of how the hell he cooked this.

Venti responded with a nervous smile, sensing that he might have broke convention with the cooking method he chose.

"I made a fire outside."

Ah, so that explains it. How incredibly concerning and just as in character.

"Is the fire out now?"

He immediately nodded at your words, giving a look of comically exaggerated offense that you would even consider him so reckless as to leave an unintended fire right next to your home.

With that worry out of the way, you took a small bite of the eggs to find they weren't completely horrible. Kind of overcooked in certain places, which was about to be expected, but better than you would typically have for breakfast. Venti took your decision to continue eating after the first bite as a silent win, promising himself to make you something better when he was able. You deserved nothing but the best of course.

"So," you started after a moments silence, eating the final bite as you collected your thoughts, "I've got to get ready for work now..."

"I'll come with you then!" He practically beamed, leaving very little room for discussion as he quickly collected your plate and placed it on the counter near the sink, still rather unsure how to use the majority of your appliances.

"Uh, sorry, that's not exactly possible."

You're pretty sure your job would frown upon you bringing someone to work, and you highly doubt they would take 'yeah sorry, he's not from this world and kinda thinks I'm a god' as a reasonable excuse.

Of course Venti's face immediately fell, why couldn't he spend every waking moment of his around you? It's not as if he'd be a nuisance, he'd abide by any rules you laid down, naturally. But he could tell you probably weren't going to be keen in bending this particular constraint.

"I'm only working part time today, so I'll be back by three, if that's any consolation."

You really didn't know why you were trying to comfort him, you still weren't entirely sure he wasn't just some figment of your imagination, and even if he wasn't he should be pretty accustom to being on his own, assuming this was the exact same free-spirited god of Anemo that stood before you, looking like he was about ready to fall to his knees at your command.

He really wasn't particularly good at hiding that admiration, the way his eyes never left your form, how he seemed to hang on to your every movement—

Hopefully other people weren't quite this perceptive, or you might be in for some trouble down the line.

"Do you have to go?" Venti asked in a way that actually managed to make you feel bad.

"Well, if I don't they might fire me, then we'd both kind of be in trouble." You tried to make your tone display more of a joking manner, but his eye's immediately widened regardless.

"Fire you!?"

Did he think you were the head of a company or something? You found yourself stuck between wanting to laugh and also feeling incredibly bad that his 'god' was just a normal person, as much a low-level worker as everyone else. You took a moment to wonder if that's how his followers felt when discovering the broke alcoholic bard was really a god.

Maybe you two did have more in common than you previously thought.

You didn't have a lot of time to continue reflecting as a weight was placed directly on your lap, a weight that was attached to an incredible needy personality no less.

You could do little more than let out a sigh as Venti made himself comfortable, smiling as he wrapped his arms around your neck and laid his head on your shoulder.

This might as well happen. A fictional character you generally liked, desperate for every scrap of affection you'd graciously provide.

You couldn't remember the last time you had a hug anyway, living alone had its disadvantages, so you choose to not immediately push him away in favor of enjoying his affection a bit longer.

Venti was quite enjoying his position, the enthusiastic vessel in which all his and Teyvat’s love for you passed through, ready to step up and take the full responsibility of representing it accurately.

You did finally choose to get up, giving him a light push to the side, him returning the gesture with a smile that some might describe as desperate.

Venti allowed you to leave, biting back the unpleasant dread that came with the knowledge he wouldn't see you for upwards of eight hours, instead pushing his thoughts towards what he could do for you in your absence.

As soon as the sound of the door closing echoed through the room after a semi-awkward goodbye, a sign that he really was alone once again, Venti set out on memorizing every square inch of your apartment.

It was small, significantly smaller than some of the rentable living spaces in Mondstadt. He wandered aimlessly for a moment, taking in all of the high-tech foreign looking things he certainly had no clue how to use. Meticulously looking at every framed picture, attempting to memorize the faces, in case they were important to your life.

It didn't take him long to find your room, being one of the only two rooms with an actual door.

Venti hesitated, hand hovering over the doorknob. He wanted to enter, a space that contained traces of no one but you, an area more sacred than any back in Teyvat. You wouldn't find out, and he certainly wouldn't touch anything. That's what he told himself at least, trying to mentally combat all of the reasons he probably shouldn't invade your privacy.

It was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

The door creaked open and he mentally cringed, as if you were still there to hear it, as if you simply had a way of knowing he was doing something wrong before he even did so.

That previous gnawing anxiety quickly vanished as soon as he was actually inside, replaced with a feeling of absolute serenity from simple standing in the place you considered most private.

It was about as small as he expected it to be, given the layout of the house. A small bed, partly made up, tucked away in the corner. It's not as if your room was overflowing with possessions, but there were plenty of personal items he would kill to get his hands on and any other situation.

He had intended to leave your room completely untouched, but what were intentions in the face of the divine feeling of his god?

It took little more than five seconds for him to throw himself directly onto your bed, grinning more earnestly than he had done in quite a long time. The blankets were soft, and it all smelled so much like you. Venti let out a wistful sigh, burying his face in your pillow, imagining it to be you. Would you let him sleep here with you? Surely you wouldn't mind...

The hours continued to pass in quite a similar manner. Venti wandering around, opening every drawer and cabinet in search of remnants of you, completely giddy when finding something more personal.

He briefly wondered how much you knew about him, you seemed to know his name at least. He looked back fondly on the moment when you spoke it, how it sounded leaving your lips, even with that tone of disbelief. It seemed so unfair when reflecting, you probably knew quite a bit about him and yet he knew very little about you, that was something that needed to be rectified.

Venti could practically sense your presence before your hand even touched the door. It was comparable to feeling as if his whole purpose for existing was simply making itself known, enticing him to embrace it fully. Which was part of the reason why you had a pair of arms around you before you could even put one foot through the door.

"Your grace, it was sooo boring here without you." He whined, giving you eyes that displayed nothing but the fondest of sorrows.

There was something surreal about coming home to another person, something that felt almost unnatural about simply the idea of having someone waiting for you.

"What did you do while I was gone?"

It was an innocent question, strictly for curiosity’s sake instead of something that could be seen as accusing. Venti felt his face flush regardless.

"Ah- uh, well..." An appropriate excuse didn't come to his mind fast enough and the poor bard was left fumbling, trying to edge around giving away how he spent a majority of his free time admiring each and every one of your personal possessions.

You gave him a confused look in response. Although you weren't trying to be accusatory to begin with, it was hard to avoid that speculation now.

Deciding it was better to change the topic, not entirely sure you wanted to even know the answer at this point in light of that response, you let out a soft hum while closing the door.

"Well it's still early, but what do you want for dinner?"

Venti practically squeaked in surprise, eyes widening. "I'm supposed to be asking you that you know." He mumbled, discontented with how he was already failing at meeting your needs.

You stifled a laugh, "You don't know how to use the stove, and I highly doubt you know what a microwave is."

While he couldn't exactly argue with that, memories of this morning's creative breakfast flashing in his mind, it didn't mean he wasn't eager to learn.

"Teach me then, I don't want you to have to do anything. You've already had to be out all day, let me take care of it." The attempt at smooth talking fell a little flat, considering how he was still clinging to you at the door, but it was an admirable attempt.

Now the last thing you wanted to do after getting home was explain modern appliances to someone with absolutely no exposure to any of it, but it would be better for you to do so now instead of letting him try and figure it out when you weren't home, causing some kind of an explosion.

You gave him a small push, signaling for him to stop clinging on to you like a child, and he obliged, distancing himself with an apologetic laugh.

You walked to the kitchen without another word, and he followed close behind, eager to be as close as you'd allow him.

Once in the kitchen, you pointed to the big metal box with a bunch of strange looking dials. "This is a stove, spin this dial to turn on one of the burners and you can put a pot or pan on the top to heat it up.”

Venti watched while you demonstrated, turning it quickly on and off again, "It's probably the closest thing to a cooking pot you'll have, just remember to turn it off and don't burn my apartment down please."

He responded with a nod, seemingly completely enthralled by every word.

This time you pointed to the smaller metal box which was above the previous appliance, "This is a microwave, it's used to quickly heat up stuff. You just press the buttons for the amount of time you want it to heat something up."

You tried to mentally run through all the dangers that came along with allowing Venti to utilize these things, making mental notes on what to mention.

"Oh, and don't put metal in it, it will explode."

He gawked at you for a moment, trying to decide if that was a joke or not. Your serious expression did little to quell his worry.

You ran through various other appliances quickly. Toaster makes things hot, fridge makes things cold, freezer makes things colder. Venti's head was starting to hurt.

"And don't make any more fires outside, I'd prefer if my neighbors didn't call the cops for arson charges."

You hesitated for a moment in your next sentence, thinking really hard about whether it would really be a good idea to mention, eventually succumbing to the fact that it was better safe than sorry.

"Also, if there's an emergency while I'm out of the house, you can use the landline to call me." You gestured to the old, rather unused phone, sitting nicely on the counter.

"Only call if it's an emergency. Got it?" Venti nodded with a very bright smile that made you question what he may or may not consider an emergency. You honestly didn't know why you still had the phone in the first place, you had been meaning to cancel it for a while, but now didn't seem like the opportune time.

You wrote your number out on a sticky note and placed it next to the phone, taking careful note to write 'Only for emergencies!' underneath the number, not that you thought he would actually take the hint.

Feeling both rather tired of talking and physically tired from the workday, laying down seemed like a rather pleasant option, which you decided to do on the couch, stretching as Venti watched your changing facial expressions intently.

When you seemed relatively settled, without so much as a warning, he laid on top and sprawled his body across yours, not much different than a cat, though you were sure he would hate that comparison. Venti couldn't help but let out a content sigh, being so close to you, this was leagues better than simply laying on your bed.

"Venti," he perked up at hearing his name, giving you a lopsided grin as some hair fell in his face, "What's Teyvat— No, what's Mondstadt like?"

He could feel pride swelling at your curiosity.

"It's beautiful your grace, endless trees and grass. The wind is always kind and gentle. I've done my best to morph it to your preference."

Venti's heart fluttered as you brushed some of his hair away from his eyes, a pleasant feeling lingering where your touch had been. "I'd love for you to see it one day, I'd love for you to stay there with me. I could change it however you desire. Shape the land and clear the trees, redirect the rivers until every blade of grass is in its respective place."

You let out a hum trying to imagine it, the breeze and the dandelions, the ocean and lakes.

"I'd like to see it too."

Oh how those simple words made his heart sing. Just you and him in a realm of your creation, a nation of his reformation. How he'd love nothing more than to keep you there, all to himself. There was no denying that this was a pretty good substitute for that. He knew that every one of your followers in Teyvat would give up anything to be in this position, to feel your warmth so completely as he was doing now.

You found yourself slowly growing to accept the idea of this, of him. Slowly giving in to your natural instinct to simply appreciate this situation for what it was, that being the perfect opportunity to indulge in your favorite character.

You wrapped your arms around him, as he had done to you, giving into the feeling of having a god right there, ready and waiting for anything you would bestow upon him.

It was cute how his eyes fluttered close at the contact, embracing it fully. You almost wanted to voice how cute he looked, with that blissful smile.

You wondered briefly how long he would keep you there, content to simply rest atop you with no desire for anything further.

Making a quick mental checklist of all the things you still needed to get done today, it felt as if it was almost endless.

For now though, you were content. Satisfied with the situation you found yourself in and lacking the desire to cut it short.

Maybe this really wouldn't end up being so bad.

[curiousity-cell]

i’m very tired so i’m gonna post some of the scenes that made me fall head over heels for the archeron sisters 🫶🫶

gonna start with love of my life feyre archeron. the main character, boss bitch, saviour of prythian. for feyre’s scenes, i chose some scenes that proved how good of a high lady she was always built to be, even before being crowned as one. :)

i have always seen feyre as a blend of both elain & nesta (because you know damn well her mother & father werent parenting her). feyre at her core has always been kind, and brave, and so strong. she’s loving, and caring. as elain says, she is the foundation of the sisters.

she has some moments where she does - what i like to call - explode (like nesta). but that is okay. she’s always apologetic and understanding and the most important thing is that she /listens/. she listens and learns and that’s what makes her a good high lady. she’s open minded and enjoys learning. she absolutely deserves her crown, anyone who criticises her for “not being good enough” has not understood feyre’s character at all.

nesta archeron. tough, strong, passionate nesta. she is fiercely protective & fiercely loving. yes, she’s struggled. of course she has. as the other sisters have, but she worked through it (like feyre) and she’s healed now. here are some scenes that made me just Get her yk?

nesta i love in a different way to the other archeron girlies. elain and feyre i always see as my now-self. my semi healed self. or my “trying to be better” self (as in. trying to be kinder to myself and not push everybody away type of thing).

but nesta was who i was. or rather who she was before acosf. nesta is who i was on my bad days. i’m not proud of it and neither is nesta. nesta says it herself, she would shoot out daggers with her words as a ward to keep herself from being hurt. to mask her hurt. this is, as nesta says in her book not a good thing.

she was cruel, she was unkind and she could be pretty fucking selfish and mean. but she learns. she is learning. that to me is the most important thing for anybody going through similar mental health struggles or struggles in general is that that person learns and is apologetic for how they acted. which nesta, at the end, is. that is why i love nesta. or rather why i came to love nesta. and i’m happy she’s found herself a place in the valkyries and a PURPOSE. which is super important to someone like nesta

that last quote is also really important to me because it shows true growth. seeing past her bitterness of rhys - as being someone who could offer feyre happiness and a safe space when nesta couldn’t - shows so much of who she wants to become. i love her.

finally, elain archeron. we know how i feel about elain. kind, soft, yet also strong, elain. often disregarded, often overlooked, but still powerful elain. as fiercely loving and protective as nesta, but remains gentle. here’s some scenes that made me fall for elain :)

the first scene i posted is one of my all time favourite elain scenes and i think it’s because it encompasses all that elain is in a single quote. elain’s trauma response is always frowned upon by some people in the fandom, because she shuts down, she cries, she isolates herself

this is something that i also do when i’m having a bad mental health day (now. used to be more like nesta but that’s not me anymore). but this scene in particular shows that all elain needs is a little bit of time. a little bit of time to adjust to new circumstances, time to mentally adjust to what’s happened to her & to understand what’s happening around her. which she does.

elain is the one that coaches feyre into thinking about what the next steps should be in helping her people heal. (which btw. it’s okay to ask for help and support from other people. feyre listening to elain and applying what she’s learnt is exactly what’s sometimes needed in a ruler. this is not criticism of either woman).

elain has always been kind at her core. during the poverty, which everyone pins against elain, she is said as being not herself. she is (as all the other archeron sisters are) at her worst. but, during her healing, she finds herself again. she recovers & she apologises for how she was & she is forgiven.

she’s so very strong. elain is so strong, just like her sisters. she’s so much more than “the soft one” and i can’t wait to get inside her head in her book when it comes out. so so so excited.

that’s the end of my thinkpost but i’ll leave u with some of my favourite archeron sister bonding scenes (slash them healing the broken bond between them)

[illarian-rambling]

❄️ Snow - Who is your coldest / most stoic character and how do they express themselves (if at all)?

So, I could go the easy route and say Sepo. He'd rather eat bees than talk about his feelings; however, that doesn't make him any good at disguising them. Izjik is another possibility. She's not cold, but she likes to keep up a happy, unbothered facade so people feel more at ease. I could even say a little about Oyanna, Twenari’s stepmom, but she's not really stoic, her particular brand of autism just makes it hard for other people to get a read on her.

I think, in this case, I'm going to have to go with Twenari herself. Despite the fact that she has the occasional moment of panic, Twenari has been forced by her precarious circumstances to become remarkably good at compartmentalizing her more negative emotions. She rarely reacts to gory sights that would make her older companions shudder, she thinks on her feet in stressful situations, and she uses scientific dispassion to shield herself when faced with calamity. She's been doing this all from a very young age due to her criminal upbringing, and given how plastic children's minds are, she's become very good at analyzing any emotions and bottling them away before she has the chance to actually feel them.

It's in the later books, after a few years of living in a more positive environment and processing some of her trauma, that this mask starts to slip. Twenari feels her emotions rather than just thinking about them, and though she's still incredibly pragmatic on the battlefield, she experiences more moments of grief and anger as she matures. She's still a stoic child, but she is a child, rather than the living magic generator she was raised to be.

Thanks for the ask @kaylinalexanderbooks, this was fun!

[yuikomorii]

Let's judge fairly. Yui had her development too. It's not like she didn't have any development.

// I wouldn’t necessarily call it development, I would rather say the story itself advanced and she grew accustomed to the circumstances. Over the course of the games, she got better at managing the Diaboys since you get to know someone after spending a lot of time with them and well… she also started acting more cheeky and bolder with them, for the reason that they started dating. She didn't know Karlheinz well in HDB and MB, so she didn't have any opinion about him, but in DF and CL, she called him out after Karl revealed how much of a jerk he is. It's not like she wouldn't have done that earlier if she had known the truth about him from the beginning—she called out Cordelia in the first game, after all.

However, I do think there are two particular scenes where they tried to highlight some major (?) development.

One is from Ayato's MB route, when she acknowledged acting in a selfish manner and concentrating solely on her feeling rather than on Ayato too, who was also having difficulties. She came to the realization that Ayato isn't perfect, despite being cute and giving her pleasure, and learned to accept him for all of his good and bad traits.

The other one is from Laito’s LE route, in which Reiji tries to make her understand that not believing in your lover can be very painful and that it’s not okay talking like that behind his back.

The message itself was good but this is the type of forced character development I have mixed feelings about. They didn’t have to make Yui act like that because it only portrays her as the bad one here. Yui is the first person Laito has ever opened up to and she was well aware that Laito hates Karlheinz, so getting his powers would undoubtedly damage him, yet she kept failing to understand that, despite the fact that they’ve been dating for some months and should have known better. The scene in which she says that Laito knows everything about her, yet she knows nothing about him only makes her appear so foolish in order to generate conflict. Like… come on, how can the heroine claim such a thing after dating a guy for SIX games?? Plus, the reasons of Laito’s actions were OBVIOUS that not even Reiji could entirely put the blame on him based on his situation.

As for Ayato’s MB route, I can’t entirely put the blame on her; I mean… Ayato is super good-looking and could probably pull anyone, but I can’t comprehend how she failed to realize that he has negative traits too?? It should be crystal clear that nobody is perfect and that everyone has their own issues, so you can’t beg someone to consider you special if they don’t feel like it.

It would have been 10 times better if Rejet actually tried to overcome her weaknesses, instead of adding new flaws. No, writing the heroine to suddenly have a shallow or selfish mindset only to make her “become a better person after realizing her mistakes” was not needed at all. And it’s also not fun making a character learn the same lesson in more games.

Credit to: dialovers-translations on Tumblr

The best scene, in which they could have genuinely made her evolve as a person, was in Carla’s LE route, when she admitted wanting to help him and the ghouls. It would have been nice seeing Carla putting faith in her and giving her an important yet hard task. Seeing Yui try her best to do it right, even if she was struggling at first, would have been such a cute moment. But nope, they decided to push her aside instead.

Other than that, idk if becoming a masochist and less sane as in the beginning count as development, lol, but if it does then it works like that too.

I get that it’s an otome game and most people play it for the guys but I feel like the heroine deserves to have her own storyline where she discovers herself and improves. DL feels more like the Diaboys' journey than her own, which is ironic because she’s the HEROINE, and in her most recent appearance, Rejet literally described her as “Ayato’s lover” without even using her name. I don’t really think the developers care that much about her, otherwise I doubt they’d be ok with all her character inconsistencies.

Yui is my favorite heroine because I find her really cute and likeable, plus I relate to her, but I’m aware of the fact that a likeable character does not equal a good one. She’s your average early 2010s heroine, who could have been indeed better written but serves her purpose, which is still good.

[josefavomjaaga]

Saint-Chamans about Soult and the "roi Nicolas" affair

So I did it. Here is the testimony of the public prosecutor's crown witness against "roi Nicolas Soult" 😁. Taken from Saint-Chamans' memoirs, translated to the best of my and DeepL's abilities. I'm posting this mostly for @cadmusfly but read at your own risk. As I warned before, this is very long, rather convoluted and may be quite boring. Also, of course I could not resist jumping in to defend Soult at several points.

[…] we advanced cheerfully towards the borders of Portugal, not doubting the success of our expedition; Marshal Soult, following the instructions given to him by the Emperor, flooded the country with proclamations, but we soon saw that they had little effect on a fanatical people who were exhorted by their priests to make a stubborn defence; the excesses, theft and bad conduct of the Duke of Abrantès's army during the first expedition had, moreover, stirred up all the Portuguese against the French name.

Saint-Chamans may not always be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but these observations of his are interesting. Napoleon ordering a flood of proclamations hints at an attempt to peacefully win over the population to the French side from the very beginning (an attempt that Soult would, in his mind, continue in Oporto with different means). It is to be noted that Portugal as a whole had already been occupied and for some time administered by Junot from late 1807 to mid-1808. There must have been a francophile party within Portugal.

While I am not much familiar with Junot’s occupation of Portugal and its "excesses" (@snowv88, do you happen to know if Junot's occupation of Portugal was in some way worse than what had happened in other countries before?), and while this may to a large degree just be Saint-Chamans trying to pass the buck by pointing his finger at somebody else, it is true that a whole bunch of generals who had belonged to Junot’s army during the first occupation of Portugal now were under Soult’s command, re-entering a country that already despised them (this would in particular be so for general Loison, nicknamed "Maneta" and hated with a passion by the Portuguese). Moreover, these generals, whom Napoleon had ordered Soult to take with him, now had entered Soult's staff as supernumerary members without specific duties. So not only did Soult have to take over an army corps that he had never commanded before (his own corps had remained in Germany), and men he did not know and who did not know him, but he also had to deal with a large group of bored officers, with lots of time on their hands to feel ignored or badly treated by their new commander-in-chief.

But I’m already digressing. What I wanted to translate was Saint-Chamans’ opinion of Soult’s alleged attempt to make himself king. Here’s another remark on what Soult’s state of mind may have been like, once the French had managed to enter Portugal and become master of at least some parts of the country. Saint-Chamans has just returned from a journey to general Franceschi, and had barely avoided getting killed in attacks by Portuguese peasants several times on the way.

I took care, when I saw Marshal Soult again, not to tell him about all the misfortunes of my last night: I knew that he became seriously angry when anyone tried to give him an idea of the dangers that accompanied the French in this dreadful country, and of the exasperation of the Portuguese against us; he was extremely persistent in his resolutions and in his undertakings, and he was very annoyed with those who tried, either directly or indirectly, to divert him from them and to make him see the disadvantages. He could not, however, conceal them from himself for long, and this knowledge of his dangerous position threw him into false and hazardous political steps, the gist of which has never been properly grasped and which perhaps only he could have fully explained; but I will speak at greater length about this circumstance in a moment, and I will say frankly what I have seen and what I believe.

Which he then does some pages later, after having related the horrible scenes during the capture of Oporto:

Indeed, despite this brilliant victory, our position was very critical; the army of Sir Arthur Wellesley (since so famous under the name of the Duke of Wellington), 30,000 strong and united with the Portuguese army, was in Lisbon and preparing to march on Oporto; they were commanded by the Portuguese General Sylveira and the English General Sir Robert Wilson (the same man who has since been tried in Paris for having helped escape Lavalette). These latter corps were intended to intercept any communication with Spain.

Here, I believe, Saint-Chamans makes a rather dishonest argument, or at least argues in hindsight, because I do not think the French at the time were even aware of the strong British presence in Portugal. They only figured it out when they tried to go south from Oporto.

If Marshal Soult had not been absorbed by ideas of ambition, which dominated all others in him at the time, he would have realised that his position was untenable and that he had only one course of action to take: to regard Oporto as a conquest which he needed to take advantage of to feed his army well for a fortnight and recover from its fatigues; then to retreat with all his forces to the Minho, to seize Valença, a fortified town in Portugal, on this river, opposite Tuy, of which he would have made an excellent bridgehead which would have communicated from one to the other of these last two towns; he would thus have linked up with the corps of Marshal Ney, whose headquarters were in Coruña, and whose troops occupied Tuy and Santiago; in this way, he could have safely evacuated his wounded and sick to good hospitals established in well-closed towns, instead of being obliged to abandon them to the fury of the Portuguese, as he did when he hastily evacuated Oporto; he would have kept all his artillery, lost at the same time; he would make the part of Portugal between the Minho and the Douro his tributary; he would re-establish direct communication with the French army in Spain and France; his own army, which numbered only 24,000 men, would have lived in abundance; he would preserve for the French army the best entrance into Portugal for the time when they would have been in a position to conquer this country, and until then he could wage a war of exploration there [...].

While it is quite possible that this plan, developped by a Saint-Chamans writing some 15 or 20 years after the events, could have proven successful (even if it does assume that Wellesley would just have watched the French gaining a secure foothold in the country and puts a little too much faith into the forces of Ney who barely was able to hold onto Galicia at this point), it was unfortunately not at all in accordance with the orders Soult had received from Napoleon. These orders simply stated that Soult was to march into Portugal from the north, conquer it and seize Lissabon, for which Berthier in his last dispatches deemed Soult’s single corps sufficient. But if he really needed support, he should receive it from Ney (from the north) or Victor (from the east). A retreat however, by giving up an important city that had been conquered, was simply not an option.

And so Soult, sticking to his orders, remained in Oporto and tried to contact the two corps that were supposed to support him: Ney and Victor (by sending Loison east to Amarante, as we will hear). Unfortunately, both of them had their hands full with problems of their own, Ney had lost contact with Madrid himself, Victor never showed up and may not even have fully understood what he was supposed to do, and since by now Joseph in Madrid was in charge, who paid little attention to what was going on in Portugal, Soult was left utterly alone.

Continuing with Saint-Chamans’ account:

[…] But all these considerations were not in harmony with Marshal Soult's plans, and so he did not give them a second thought. No sooner had he established himself in Oporto than he began to unmask his plan; an officer, half-French, half-Portuguese, named Laffitte, a schemer if ever there was one, who had been sent to his staff for the expedition to Portugal, ostensibly as an interpreter, for he spoke Portuguese fairly well, but in reality as a spy, was his main agent with the Portuguese in this circumstance; at Oporto, this wretch discovered a Portuguese priest named Veloso, who was as rich as he was narrow-minded, and who was promised heaven and earth, provided that Marshal Soult became King of Portugal; at the same time, this ignorant priest was persuaded that he was not a bad man, and that all this was for the greater good of his country; he believed it, and this idea, combined with the fine promises made to him, made him one of the Marshal's most zealous supporters; he acted accordingly. He addressed the people in the streets and public squares; he preached in the churches, he spread money to make supporters for the Marshal, and led by the advice of Laffitte, he succeeded in giving this party, in Oporto and the surrounding area, a certain stability; deputations arrived from Braga, Guimaraens, Olivera, and other towns of which we were the masters, and where part of the population had returned to, soliciting the Marshall to ascend the throne of Portugal; registers were opened in the town of Oporto to receive the votes of the inhabitants, the number of which was very considerable, and General Ricard, Marshal Soult's chief of staff, who had been his aide-de-camp, wrote circulars to the divisional generals insinuating the matter, for the Marshal, despite the affection for him of the good inhabitants of his good cities of Oporto and Braga, felt that he could do nothing without the consent and cooperation of the French army.

So, this is the main testimony that modern historians base their accusation on when it comes to Soult and the »roi Nicolas« issue. Admittedly, it is a damning one. Saint-Chamans obviously is convinced that Soult really wanted to seize the crown and was intriguing on his own behalf, and his testimony carries particular weight, as, being Soult’s aide-de-camp, having his marshal’s trust and being in his inner circle, Saint-Chamans was in a position to witness everything that was going on in Oporto at close quarters …

While all this intrigue was going on, I was on a mission twelve leagues from Oporto near generals Loison and Delaborde […]

Oh. Or maybe he wasn’t.

So, what Saint-Chamans relates above is not something he has witnessed himself, it is what he has heard during the time he spent with generals Loison and Delaborde – who would later be among the main gossips about precisely this topic (Thiébault seems to have gotten the story from Loison; Delaborde, as to him, apparently backpedalled somewhat on his accusations when he was called upon directly to testify). But I’m sorry, I have interrupted Saint-Chamans again:

While all this intrigue was going on, I was on a mission twelve leagues from Oporto near Generals Loison and Delaborde who, with an infantry division and some cavalry, were charged with taking Amarante, and especially the bridge there (over the Tameyra); Marshal Soult announced loudly that, from there, this head of column would move towards Zamora, in order to communicate with the French army in Castile; but he was too good a military man to seriously entertain this project; if he had really wanted to communicate with French troops, it was towards Galicia, where he positively knew that Marshal Ney's corps was, that he would have manoeuvred; he had only twenty leagues to go, and he would have found himself opposite Tuy, which was to have been occupied by the French of Marshal Ney's corps.

Whenever I reflected on the military movements of Marshal Soult in this circumstance, I became convinced that he did not want to communicate with the French army in Spain; above all he wanted to avoid all relations with Marshal Ney, whose enmity against him and violent character he knew: he had every reason to believe that this Marshal would hasten to say loudly and to write to France that he, Soult, had sacrificed the interests of the Emperor and of the army to his personal ambition in this circumstance; and this is what did not fail to happen. A few days after our entry into Oporto, I had been sent to Amarante; I had come back for a while, and then returned a second time; there was still only vague talk of the Marshal's plans; [...].

Leaving out the relation of poor Lameth’s death of which Saint-Chamans heard at this time and which moved him profoundly.

These reflections, which struck me even more on learning of his death than at the time I am writing these lines, had inspired in me a certain distaste for the military career and the uncertainties it presented; moreover, the grief I felt at having been for several months without any news of my family or my country added to my gloomy mood; I imagined that the greatest happiness I could aspire to in the future was to return to France and live there peacefully at home.

These »dispositions moroses«, the gloomy mood Saint-Chamans alludes to, in my opinion is also not to be disregarded. Saint-Chamans hardly was the only one who felt that way, this rather may have been the general feeling of the whole army, including its marshal. The men were alone in a hostile country, barely holding out, without instructions, support or clue what to do next.

It was in these circumstances that I returned to Oporto; there I found Marshal Soult completely immersed in his political combinations, and seemingly little concerned with military events; I wanted to ask him about this several times, but he always stopped me by telling me that in Portugal it was from his office that he was waging war. It was hardly the time, but I was so accustomed to seeing him as a very superior genius that, from his apparent tranquillity, I still had the good faith, in this alarming crisis, to hope for a favourable outcome.

Here again I can’t help but wonder if, at the time, Saint-Chamans really saw an »alarming crisis«, or of he was writing in hindsight.

But his actions were becoming so ambiguous that we didn't know what to make of them ourselves, and one day when we were joking about it at the table of the aides-de-camp, all of us young men who liked to laugh, we distributed the great offices of his court among ourselves; I was immediately named grand equerry, because of all his aides-de-camp, I was the one who knew horses best and had served most in the cavalry; another was grand chamberlain, that one grand veneur, etc. Finally, we laughed and joked a lot about this subject, because despite what we saw and heard, none of us could imagine that such an absurd project as that of making himself king of Portugal had seriously entered the mind of the Marshal, that until then we had seen so sharp.

Here Saint-Chamans kind of confirms my suspicion that much of what he writes in his memoirs is argued in hindsight. At the time, the rumours apparently were there, but were seen as so ridiculous by everyone, including Saint-Chamans, that they merely served to amuse Soult’s (as usual very outspoken and exuberant) ADCs over supper. If they had truly taken the allegations serious, would they not have needed to take measures, to at least talk to Soult's chief-of-staff about it?

This table talk caused a stir in the army; the staff officers who were present, the officers on guard duty, even the servants, commented on it; I think that this conversation (1), reported to the Marshal by his associates, gave him food for thought, and a few days later he sent for me in the afternoon and took me for a walk with him in an orange garden where he sometimes went to relax from his work in the cabinet.

Footnote (1) seems to be a remark by Saint-Chamans himself that I am not quite sure how to translate:

On nous en fit un crime en France. - One turned this into a crime of us in France. (We were made to feel like criminals because of it? - By whom? Soult? Napoleon? And when? Most of the guys joking at that table would not return to France for years?)

We were alone, and he wasted no time in starting up a conversation: he had made the right choice, for I have never known how to make courtship at the expense of truth; he knew that better than anyone, and perhaps that was why he had chosen me. He got straight to the point: - What do they say about me here? - I've only been back a short time, but I'm hearing everywhere that you want to make yourself King of Portugal. He looked at me fixedly, but without appearing surprised or angry; I remained cold and did not give him the explanation he seemed to be expecting, because I wanted to be questioned; that's the way to avoid saying more than you're being asked. - I can imagine that, he continued. But why was I sent here? why was I put in the awful position I am in now? I can only get out of this by dividing the Portuguese amongst themselves, and to do that I am using the best political means in my power, because I have no money to throw at them. - Do you think, Marshal, that these means will not be misinterpreted in the Tuileries, and that they will not try to frame you as a criminal? - You're right, but I repeat that I have no other way of getting out of this, and the Emperor will do me justice. After a few moments of silence, during which he seemed painfully agitated, he added: - There will be many more cries in France when it is known that I tolerate the inhabitants of Oporto continuing their trade with the English, when people can say that I myself sell them wines, as I am currently trying to sell them some of those we took on our way here. - There is no shortage of people in France, or even in Spain, I would say, who, in order to harm you, will represent these steps in very black colours. - I'm expecting it, he continued in a sort of violent despair; I may have to put my head on the scaffold, but when I go up there, I'll have the consolation of telling myself that I've done all that I could to save 20,000 Frenchmen from the sad position to which they are reduced! Do what you must, come what may. It was one of his favourite maxims, either because it was truly in his character, or because he wanted to persuade people that it was the rule of his conduct. We had reached this point in our conversation, which could have become interesting, for he was ready to be trusting and I to talk, something that did not happen to both of us every day, and I was beginning a question about his military movements, to ask him why he was not setting off to cross the Minho again, when we were joined, at the bend in the path where we were walking, by General Ricard, who was coming towards us with a bundle of papers: These were urgent reports from the generals commanding our outposts at various points; the Marshal returned to give orders, and our conversation ended there; I never took it up again with him on this subject.

Which, my dear Saint-Chamans, is a shame.

The idea that I have formed of Marshal Soult's conduct in this circumstance has always been that he wanted to be asked to be king of Portugal by the inhabitants of the part of this country of which he was master; that then, having taken this first step, he would have solicited the votes of the army that he commanded; these would have been recorded in registers for each corps or staff, and he would then have placed all these documents before the Emperor, asking for his approval and making him aware that this was the only way to keep the Portuguese in the interests of France; perhaps in this way he would have succeeded, at least for a while, in his plans.

Whereas the idea that I get from this relation is that:

Saint-Chamans heard all the malicious rumours from Loison and Delaborde, but, being Saint-Chamans, did not think much about it.

Back at headquarters, Saint-Chamans immediately shared the stories he had heard with his fellow ADCs, who found them hilarious and joked endlessly - and loudly - about them during the all-night-party they held on account of Saint-Chamans's return.

An exasperated Soult, informed of what his aides had been up to this time, called for Saint-Chamans (whom he genuinely liked) in order to set him straight, but was interrupted by daily events.

Some twenty years later, when Soult had thrown in with the July Monarchy and supported Louis Philippe, thus - in Saint-Chamans's mind - breaking his vows to Charles X and the older branch of the Bourbons, Saint-Chamans decided that Soult had been an ambitious egotist all along, and wrote his memoirs accordingly.

But that's me. As I said, I am hardly unbiased. It is, however, interesting that Saint-Chamans, despite this event, would not break off relations with his marshal. And also, that we have another ADC, who in his memoirs states just as clearly that all these rumours were bullshit. That aide would be Petiet - not always well-disposed towards Soult, but in this case ready to defend him against all accusations. But I have rarely seen Petiet's testimony taken into account.

Make of it what you want 😊

[joannerowling]

(regarding the Hilton article that you were sent by that anon)

Hilton’s "criticism" is so frustrating because my favorite thing about the Strike novels is that the crimes the team are investigating are not treated as crazy one-offs, but as single *instances* of more frequent problems, and so of course on the way to uncovering one truth, they uncover several. Similarly, the act of investigating those single instances will bring up similar circumstances from characters’ pasts, because again, they are not entirely infrequent occurrences.

But what also shocks me is that this particular criticism ("How dare the world not be split into good decent people and The Criminal!") is the perfect opposite of the criticism everyone loves to return to with Harry Potter ("How dare she write a book where there are Good Guys and Bad Guys"). Of course, actually reading HP will show that the books aren’t so clear cut, but they are still children’s books which tackle good vs evil.

So which one is it? Does Rowling write books with painfully black-and-white views of the world, or does she need to be reminded that only one person can be evil at a time, and the morally perfect heroes must defeat him before someone else can take the reigns? Do we want more variation and imperfection and bad-people-on-both-sides or less?

Well there are two things you have to consider in order to answer your question.

Number one, most if not all criticism thrown at JK Rowling since 2020 has to be read as bad faith because, 9 times out of 10, it's motivated by ideology rather than an actual desire to engage intellectually with the text. It doesn't matter if the criticism makes sense or constitutes rigourous analysis, what matters is how much criticism gets thrown out there. If there are enough articles titled "10 Reasons Why Harry Potter Is Actually Terrible For Children", most people won't read the articles, but they will eventually get a sense that Harry Potter MUST be wrong for children to generate so much controversy. The goal is to discredit JKR's opinions by any mean necessary. That's why Pink News's strategy in June 2020 (following Jo publishing her essay on self-identification) was to publish multiple "articles" a day attacking her and her positions.

Number two: i've read a lot of bad faith "criticism" of JKR and HP over the years (long before 2020). This thing you're talking about - accusing her of promoting black and white morality in HP - is mostly no longer "fashionable" discourse. At its height, it was only ever promoted by, ahem, let's call them "passionate" fans of Slytherin. Context: the marketing strategy of Harry Potter (especially post-release) heavily relies on encouraging fans to pick one of the four houses and identify with it. The problem with that marketing strategy is, to sumrise, no Slytherin is supposed to be a good guy in HP (because the way the "recruits" are picked is based on a racist/classist premise), and there is no real redemption arc for any of the Slytherins kids we see in the books, so some fans eventually started to resent that and became mad at JKR for not just… redeeming Draco and making him Harry's best friend or or whatever. Honestly the psychology behind this particular outrage and why so many people rallied behind it against Rowling ever since the 2000s is fascinating and could easily make for an entire post on its own. But, not the point of this reply!

In short: it was always a very niche criticism from a very petty and nerdy side of the fandom. And nowadays, that specific subset has by and large decided that engaging AT ALL with Harry Potter would make them a Bad Person™. So they no longer protest that specific, perceived issue, because that would mean admitting they care about HP in the first place. They have moved towards basically saying that JKR's morals IN GENERAL are wrong, so if you read her books (which you shouldn't!!) every good guy should be seen as bad (or badly written) and vice versa. This is the reasoning behind people calling for an entire "rewriting" of the books by anyone else, preferably multiple people, or aggressively pursuing the building of a "counter" HP universe, via fanfiction.

Which, again, is really interesting to me from a psychological perspective! This need not to simply erase, but rewrite JKR's work in the "correct" way. The only reason one would feel the need to do that if if they perceived the original work to have so much resonance, so much power, that it can't just be left to be forgotten, because it will NOT fade on its own. Instead you have to rewrite it to confuse future readers, to "drown" the original work essentially under a pile of bullshit. It is not a goal one would ever pursue so relentlessly if they perceived the writing to be bad – wrong, maybe, but not bad. On the contrary it's probably the highest compliment to Jo's writing skills that people feel so threatened by her and the longetivity of her work.

[dailyoyo]

GGs ranked by how quickly they would resort to murdering their friends if they were stuck in a timeloop (Real edition)

my sincerest fucking apologies to pseud for what ive done to their blog.

THAT SAID: on account of this being very long and very grim to the point that most of it is too grimdark to even be funny anymore i am putting it under a readmore. This is a half-joke half-serious post about the ggs getting stuck in a time loop and murdering each other so like. you get what you click on.

also these are all specifically based aroudn our interps/jet set radio paradox obviously so bear that in mind lol

RULES TO MINIMIZE VARIABLES: only one of them knows they're in a time loop, each is a separate scenario where the listed character is the one who knows and remembers. they do not know why the loop is happening and they do not know how to stop it. the span of time the loop happens is relatively normal, though dangerous enough events happen (maybe just normal jsr stuff) that people may accidentally die during it depending on the exempt character's actions. everyone who dies during a loop is alive again when the date rolls back over. everything is back to square one. no consequences. 14. Pots pots is a dog, even if a highly intelligent one. assuming he can even grasp the idea of a time loop (unlikely) i believe it is even further unlikely that he would recognize it as a bad thing. very possible he just stays in the time loop contentedly forever 13. Soda it takes like a week (or until the first "someone dies and comes back") for him to even notice he's in a timeloop (general apathy/depression?). but when he does notice he's pretty together about it. obviously he wants out but he's literally got all the time in the world, he doesn't need to do stupid traumatic shit just to see what happens. he's got this.

12. Jazz WHY WOULD MURDER EVEN BE PART OF THIS EQUATION WHAT THE FUCK? shes not gonna kill anybody and would think its super fucked to even raise the idea. how is that supposed to help. That said. she does keep repeatedly explaining she's in a time loop almost every loop and it is getting to the point that she kiiiiinda wants to strangle someone or two as stress relief because by god is she stressed. she Won't, she's got more sense than that, but. But…

11. Boogie i think she never really goes full murdermode or anything and the very idea of that happening would shock and disturb her, but surprisingly early on she gives into the impulse to push one of the other ggs into traffic (it doesn't matter anyway, right?) and watches them get ran over. and she's like O_O oh jesus fuck that was horrible. and she never kills anyone again during the loops but it HAUNTS her and makes her nervous abt the idea that she COULD do it again.

10. Gum she's mostly level headed, i think, so she wouldn't be quick to resort to madness. but give her enough time and she starts feeling desperate and does some scary shit in the hopes that maybe somehow they'll at least remember next time. like more than anything i think it's the isolation of it that gets to her. maybe she doesn't progress to outright intentional murder, maybe she only tries it once or twice to see if it fixes anything (it doesn't). while she doesn't go full-blown axe-crazy she DOES become incredibly dangerous and desperate to just not be the only one who remembers.

9. Garam while his nerves end up aaaabsolutely shot and he loses all his patience to see the same day happening over and over, i think it would honestly take a while for him to become a danger to the ggs. he'd rather take out his stress on Literally Anything Else. that said he'd reach a point where he accidentally kills someone for real (whether a gg or an unrelated party) and it fucks him up reallll bad, but whether it fucks him up in a "fine whatever i can kill people who cares" way or a "I NEED TO BE CAREFUL THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN HOLY FUCK" way depends on the circumstances.

8. Beat honestly? unless something in particular causes him to suspect one of the ggs is responsible for the loop, it takes a while for it to even occur to him that killing his friends is an option. like maybe he might end up killing the GGs' enemies and maybe even rivals, but if you brought up the idea of killing his FRIENDS to him he'd be like "wait huh??? but why even????" that said, though, keep him in there long enough and he might develop a severe god complex and start doing it purely to power trip.

7. Combo putting him in a time loop i think would really be the last straw in his miserable life. maybe he deserves the right to kill someone at this point really. while he focuses intently on trying to find a way to break the loop, as it all begins to grate on him he really just stops giving a shit about much of anything. the murder isn't a constant thing, more like one or two good ol' kill em all style breakdowns, and obviously it only makes him feel sick to his stomach when the date rolls over, but what can he even do about it?

6. Clutch he tries to play it cool at first and not think about it too hard but it isnt long before a sort of prey animal panic is invoked in him and hes like. I gotta get outta here. I gotta get out of here. Oh my god i gotta get the hell out of here. and it doesn't help that hes really not close with these guys yknow. and any concern from the ggs he reacts to with escalating violence until he reaches the point he's killing them multiple times in hopes that gives him a way out. eventually he just gives up

5. Corn at first the thought of killing his friends doesnt even cross his mind but he becomes increasingly desperate to understand what's happening and soon enough it's a last resort. it's all very methodical testing the limits of the loop and himself, not explaining anything to anyone else because they'll forget anyway and becoming increasingly hostile and isolationist. he doesn't want to but He's out of options. He has to FIGURE IT OUT.

4. Roboy what bothers him more than anything else is the feeling of helplessness over the whole thing and even if the others COULD help him he's not going to try to get their help. he kills the other ggs to feel less powerless, like he has any sort of control over the situation, and all it does is make him feel worse and worse and worse. maybe eventually reaches a point where he starts deleting his memories of the resets in the hopes this breaks the vicious feedback loop but all it does is ensure the cycle never ends.

3. Yoyo If you put yoyo in a situation where nothing he does matters and none of his actions have consequences he will do increasingly crazy dumb shit because it's not like it matters anyway. and he will undergo EXTREMELY RAPID psychological decay that DOES end in him killing members of the ggs just to see what effect it has both on the loop and on others' psyches. and he will just assume that the loop is forever and ever with no way to ever break it.

2. Cube cube upon realizing she and she alone is in a timeloop will rapidly come to the conclusion that she is in actual literal hell. everything wrong with her will come to the surface at once. she will suffer a severe psychological break SO fast and the streets will run red. maybe she's enjoying it. maybe she isn't. but she is convinced this HAS to happen. and that she deserves it. 1. Mew As soon as Mew finds out that deaths don't stick she's going to massacre all of the GGs just to see how it feels. just once. to try it. it's fine. it doesn't matter. Where did she get that higurashi cleaver

bonus: with the way i joke about zero beat maybe he doesnt even notice hes in a time loop until After hes maimed someone to death. i dont know man. im lying. who fucking give a shit