#or rejecting the things they represent! or doing some secret third thing.

[notbecauseofvictories]

you mentioned enjoying i.w.t.v. in response to an ask recently -- can i ask if you found any one character more compelling than the others? (i didn't, haha; i found all four leads equally intriguing and well-drawn, and am beyond excited to see them -- and our new fifth main character -- in europe next season. this is unusual for me so i was just curious!)

Thank you for this question, Anon, because it genuinely made me go back and think about the show. I mean, obviously I knew it was good from the get-go---no other show I've watched in recent memory is such a romp, explores with gusto a divorce that is also a marriage that is also a serial killer streak. It's an Edward Albee play with vampires! I adore it.

But other than clocking it as great television, a show I couldn't ignore even if I wanted to...I have not thought about it all that much.

The hard part of evaluating IWTV as a show is that Lestat/Sam Reid is constantly doing the most. It's genuinely hard to pay attention to anyone else on screen when he is Doing Acting, because the performance he's giving is so unbelievably enormous that it tends to blot out everything else. When you look like that sexy Lucifer and every single line reading you give is maximally unhinged, how are people supposed to pay attention to your scene partners?

Whereas Louis/Jacob Anderson's performance is smoother and subtler; his rage is an undercurrent, his denial is a gloss. As a narrator, his desires are treated as the only measure of truth---since even in his slantwise telling, he can't quite avoid Lestat's thrall.

(I did also love Daniel and "Rashid" but since I read the books so long ago, they didn't really work for me except as a framing device. A great framing device! But only that.)

That being said...I think I have to go with Claudia/Bailey Bass. To be fair, the psychosexual tension between Lestat and Claudia as they compete for Louis' attention (as father/lover/wife and sister/daughter/other woman) is probably my favorite part of the television show. The fucked up relationships between the three of them are so satisfying, Claudia's artificial youth (a hindrance, a tragedy) colliding with Lestat's (a gift, a power) and both of them vying for Louis' attention but not in a kind way...I loved those episodes. And the episode where Claudia and Lestat have their steel-in-a-velvet-glove confrontation on the train? I was in ecstasy.

So I suppose my answer to "which characters do you find compelling?" is "the fraught (somehow incestuous) threesome that is the New Orleans crew, because holy hell, how can I be expected to pay attention to anything else?"

[thecoolerliauditore]

long post: the neck kisses playlist on joel's spotify is about jimmy (and kind of etho too a little bit)

it's not actually about jimmy it very much is not about jimmy. however I had visions when I listened to it and I know at least one person really wants me to put this into words so

"I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore" is a pretty straightforward song about Awsten Knight's post-break-up life as well as his frustrations with his fanbase.

The feelings post-break-up are described as freeing, hence the title ".. don't wanna die anymore" but the ending of the song hints at some nagging regret despite that, with the desperate repeating mantra of "but I think it's fine, it's cool"

While I don't think all of these songs signify chronology (and some I don't think are literal at all unless c!Joel has some weird daddy issue lore I'm unaware of), I do like to think the start of the playlist calls to pre-3L jimmy/joel, most specifically their relationship in x-life.

In x-life, Joel establishes a totally-not-cult religion he dubs "Jeremyism", Jimmy being his first member after he fails to trick Lizzie into joining. He later gives up his leader title, quote, "for content". Jimmy is unhappy with this development and begs Joel to stay, but Joel refuses. While their relationship in x-life would be hard to define as romantic in any sense, they were clearly fond of eachother before Joel eventually broke away.

Things get a bit hazy here since "for content" doesn't really translate to anything in-universe, but I think it's interesting to note that both the song and Joel mention an audience, specifically one that they feel the need to appease. Whether this is a metaphor or watcher lore or some secret third thing I have no idea but it sure is there 👍

In my mind, it goes like this: Jimmy and Joel meet, they hit it off, Jimmy is affectionate and Joel starts to catch feelings. Joel cuts Jimmy off for making him feel weird.

the second song in the playlist reinforces this, being a much angrier post-break-up song.

While this seems out-of-order (why does the immediate anger come after the song about life after the break-up?), I think it's interesting if you look at it from an angle of this not being fully Joel's feelings towards Jimmy, but Joel's frustration towards himself for messing it up.

with a little bit of frustration being placed on jimmy too:

pictured: joel in third life with a message from jimmy that he very much. does not answer.

personally I like to think Joel held a lot of resentment towards Jimmy in Third Life, both for homophobic reasons (i.e. you made me feel gay and now I'm gonna punish you for it) and for jealousy reasons (start of his number one scott hater arc)

this one's just in the wrong playlist first of all why does he insert this between two waterparks songs. whatever man.

anyway this song's interesting to me because it's literally just about a hot babe getting rejected by some fuck who refuses to be ball-and-chained.

there's two directions this could go imo: one is that this is, once again, evoking joel and jimmy's relationship. Joel acknowledges that he a life with Jimmy would be nice, but he refuses to settle down because it would rob him of his identity/freedom.

the other is that brandy is joel and the sailor is etho, since brandy shows an admiration for the sailor but also an awareness that he loves his job more than her

this storybook like description of how brandy saw the sailor's tales is very smalletho to me idk. very hand-in-hand with joel's child-like view of who etho is.

I don't have much for this one tbh it's pretty much just a love song and Joel really liking waterparks (king)

That being said, there's some fun imagery to play with here:

yellow = jimmy makes a lot of sense (blonde hair, canary imagery, yellow also representing people on their second life in the life series which evokes neither the assumed skillfulness of a late game green name nor the danger of a red name), as does green = joel (the green streak. shrek. yeahg. and while red joel is iconic "green like my insides" could also be read in this context as "deep down, I am safe to be around" which I think is neat)

"natural blue" is a bit harder to interpret (especially considering the original context of this being a joke about Awsten dyeing his hair) but blue is of course scott's colour. this could be read spitefully as Natural blue (was in love with jimmy first) vs scott's dyed hair or it's. joel saying that's he's gay idk man.

"at least I match your eyes" is pretty simple, with both of them having brown eyes, "jealous and hypnotized" once again alluding to some jealousy, likely towards FH again if you believe the blue line is alluding to scott.

however joel has plenty of people to be jealous of in regard to jimmy so. shrugs. hey you can even interpret this line as talking about jimmy's desirability. neat.

there's also this, which again might allude to flower husbands, implying in this fake world I've created that Joel doesn't view them as actually "married"

ok this is getting too long lmao see you guys next time i feel like writing about this stupid fucking playlist again

[davyjoneslockr]

can i request narancia for the 4 hcs?

(For this)

I got multiple asks about Nara hell yeah. I've been waiting for an excuse to talk about him for so long <333

Headcanon A:  realistic

His skirt used to be his mom's. One of the clearest things Narancia remembers about her is how she always wore brightly-colored dresses and skirts. They tended to be cheap and outdated, since the Ghirga family didn't have much money, but, to Narancia, they always reflected how much light she brought into others' lives.

After she died, her clothes sat and collected dust in what used to be her closet. By the time Narancia came back home, his dad would often discuss packing them up and selling them. On some level, he knew his dad could never bring himself to do that. Still, the night he finally ran away for good, he snuck into the closet and took as many skirts and dresses as he could find.

He wore his favorite skirt to his Passione initiation, and continued to wear it for most of his teen years. It makes him feel like a part of her is still with him, and as he grows into his own person, the shades of orange and yellow start representing a part of himself, too.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Maybe only unrealistic by virtue of Everyone Lives AU but idk. He gets a growth spurt when he's like 18-19, to the point where he's almost the same height as Fugo. Meanwhile, Fugo, who has only managed to grow an inch or two, is in complete denial.

Thus begins a height war. Narancia wears platform boots to add a few inches, and Fugo, in retaliation, starts borrowing stilettoes from Abbacchio. Narancia stands on his toes around him and taunts him like "lmao how's the weather down there >:)" and Fugo tackles him. They stand back-to-back and make a neutral third party (usually Bucciarati) measure who's taller.

According to legend, the sheer volume of combined screaming when, one day, Bucciarati determined that Narancia was ever so slightly taller was enough to shatter windows.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

When he first joined the gang, Narancia was a bit skittish around Fugo. Not because of his temper or attitude, as others initially thought. The problem was something Narancia kept secret, as he thought it was a bit silly - it was because of his hair color. He'd had his trust recently shattered by another blond teenage boy, and it was hard to make himself realize that Fugo was different. Of course, soon enough, Narancia got past this, and he came to genuinely love Fugo, placing unwavering trust in him and knowing he'd never leave him behind as his former "friend" had.

He tries not to think about it too much, but he can't help noticing a familiar pain in his heart when Fugo stays behind at the pier - leaving them out of self-preservation, sure, but abandoning them nonetheless.

And, of course, putting trust in yet another blond boy ultimately gets Narancia killed.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Okay so basically he lives. And when he's in his 20s, he gets a bunch of tattoos. He has sleeves on both arms; one has all of the gang's stand motifs, and the other is made of apple blossoms (representing his mom) - together, he says, they represent his entire family. There's an airplane trailing across his chest, and a little cluster of bullets right over his heart (to say that Mista swoons when he first shows him is an understatement). Maybe he gets some wings or something on his back. He complains about the pain the first few times, but he loves how they let him express himself and carry the people he loves with him at all times.

Also he goes to see Shrek for his 18th birthday. He drags Mista and Fugo with him. It's glorious.

[ficfanatictrf]

The Night Stand (Part 6)

Summary : The time spent in the hospital, without Viktor.

Warnings : lots of angst and drama

Edited and proofread by nobody - just going for it!

Word Count: 1.8K

You ended up being told by your doctor that you would be there a lot longer than they had originally predicted.

The test results that had come back were not the best, but before anything was fully discussed when it came to options - they wanted to run a few more tests, as well as re-run some of them to see if the results had been skewed because of dehydration or spiked sugar levels due to eating.

Jayce was there almost constantly.

Coming in and out of the room as he visited, tried to help Viktor with the lab work, as well as his Counselor duties. Nearly every other time he came back to your room he had some sort of flower arrangement, as well as the meaning behind the colors and flowers that Viktor had sent.

After a while, Jayce had simply just told the man to write it all down - after the time he mistakenly told you that one of the flowers had meant.

Jayce had never really known much about flowers, so when he was sent again to get blue hydrangeas as well as a plethora of other flowers - Viktor nearly lost whatever sanity he had left when he read the receipt to see that the man had not gotten the blue like he had instructed, but had instead gotten white.

Of course, someone like Jayce wouldn’t have realized the meaning, but Viktor had hoped that the florist would have noticed how he carefully crafted these bouquets to express the feelings that he was dying to speak to you face to face.

So as he stared down at the disaster that had been put together, he found that he couldn’t sit around waiting for you to be discharged anymore.

There was no way he was going to allow you to believe that he sent you flowers that represented bragging, mixed with the ones he wanted - where he picked flowers that showed his adoration, his hope for your recovery, and apologies. He knew that if you saw the letter and saw that there was a clear difference between the flowers given and the flowers on the page, you would more than likely want to research and figure out what the meaning of the unnamed flowers was - looking for the secret hidden.

There had been other changes that added such things as rejection and betrayal.

If you were to figure out what those flowers meant and took their meaning to heart?

He didn’t even want to imagine it.

And that just meant that there was no way he wasn’t going to do something about it.

---- ---- ----

The first day in bed had been rather enjoyable, you hardly ever got the time to just be lazy. Especially working with the world’s most work-a-holic employers, there was hardly ever a moment of downtime in your life when juggling the amount of work that needed to be done.

So, yes, the first day had been bliss.

After getting the nurses to get you another blanket, you were warm and cozy as you read one of the books that Jayce had been kind enough to bring for you.

However, the second day felt boring. After finishing the book that was brought to you, even taking a nap in the middle of the day to try and keep off the boredom you felt coming - it did little to keep you entertained.

So when it came to the third, fourth, and fifth days - you were bored to tears.

At first, the flowers that you received from Viktor had been rather insulting - wondering why he was sending flowers when he could have been there in person.

However, from the amount of time that he spent on the specific flowers as well as the rather long letters that he sent with them. Well, they have become the highlight of your days.

So, when you were on your sixth day in the hospital, tired and worn from all the testing that the doctors had insisted you do. You had been looking forward to the flowers more than you wanted to admit.

You knew what some of the meanings were from the letters alone, even though he still explained them either way.

So when you saw the blue hydrangeas and the zinnias that he had explained meant ‘thoughts for absent friends’, were paired with unknown flowers - you were rather excited to see what the meaning for them would be.

Inspecting the letter, you were rather confused as you glanced back and forth between the two items.

From the description, he said that the bouquet would be with blue hydrangeas, zinnias, honeysuckles, and a variety of camilas.

The meaning of the honeysuckle and camilas would have been new under Viktor’s descriptions of the flowers.

“Honeysuckles, the most fragrant of the group. Even though they are rather invasive when in a personal garden, their ability to persevere in many different environments is connected to their meaning. Honeysuckles represent ‘the enduring bond of true love’, which I hope will help you pull through these hard times.

While researching, I couldn’t narrow it down to one color. So I was pushed by Jayce to just send all three since I believe each one of them is correct. The white ones say that I believe you are adorable, with the pink meaning a ‘longing for you’. The ones that I was not sure about at first, but assumed I might as well say it, were the red ones.

‘You’re a flame in my heart'

Most faithfully yours, Viktor”

His words touched you just like all the ones before, smiling softly at the way he had progressively started to become more open and honest.

The first one had been short, to the point, with just his name at the bottom. Before very quickly the page numbers doubled and the way that he ended the letter grew more and more affectionate.

Yet, even as you started to get used to this new way Viktor was writing, you still didn’t believe that he would make such a large mistake as to write about flowers that weren’t even in the bouquet that was brought to your room.

For starters, there weren’t any flowers that had three different color types. When you looked at the flowers closely, you didn’t even see the blue hydrangeas that you had seen every day since your first day admitted into the hospital.

As you tried to figure out the meaning of the flowers, looking back at previous letters to see if there had been a connection to the colors - it wasn’t long before a migraine started to build from everything that had taken place the past couple of days.

Honestly, you could figure it out tomorrow.

You could ask one of the nurses if they have a language of flowers book, or get Jayce to get you one from the library.

Hoping to escape into your dreams, you hoped that your head would stop pounding when you awoke the next day.

Only, as you heard the door to your room creak open, you slowly blinked your eyes open to not see the morning sunlight.

But the soft glow of the moonlight that illuminated the one person you had not expected to see.

Trying his best to close the door silently, your flower sender was extremely careful to not make any sound - your eyes catching sight of the ridiculous-looking item he had placed at the bottom of his cane. Likely to muffle the sound.

You weren’t sure why, but as he turned around to face you, you snapped your eyes shut to pretend that you were asleep.

The last time the two of you had spoken face-to-face, things had not turned out well. Leaving you nervous that this might start horribly because of it.

The floorboards creaked ever so slightly as he made his way across the room towards you, the soft thud of the chair is the only indication you heard of him moving the thing.

And yet, even with these hints as to where he was, it did nothing to prepare you for how rapidly your heartbeat would spike in the following seconds.

As he sat down beside your ‘sleeping’ form, he held himself back from reaching out for only a few minutes - his tolerance being rather low after all the time apart.

Carefully pulling your hand towards him, he soon found himself whispering all the words he had been dying to say - all the while placing kiss after kiss against the soft skin of your hands. Knuckles, fingers, palms, everything - he kissed every inch of skin he could get to.

“Janna help me. I have done this completely in the wrong order. You know that I don’t come to you for much, I am not one to…pray, to ask of such things. But please help her. Please.”

You felt his finger soon carding through your hair, the gentle touch of his lips continuing against your hand - and damn it, you wished you weren’t so scared to admit that you were awake.

“This child is a miracle. A gift from the gods. Please, please - just let them both be alright”

Silence soon stretched in the room, soft circles being rubbed into the back of your hand by his thumb - the silence was slowly driving you insane.

“You can stop pretending to be asleep, dear”

Eyes snapping open, you were rather surprised to see the soft smile on his face - having expected him to be rather irritated that you had been feigning asleep.

“How did you-?”

“I may have never been able to watch you sleep enough to store it securely in my memory - but I have spotted you at your desk on the rare occasion, taking a nap with your mouth hanging open and while endearing-”

Placing a kiss on your hand, the smile on his face faltered slightly as he thought about the topic of conversation that the two of you needed to have.

“While endearing, you are not one to be so still or quiet”

Grappling with how to start, he was soon rubbing your hand like he would his own- trying to release some of the anxious energy that was pent up inside.

“I am very much aware that I have done this all so poorly. I never wished to hurt you and yet because of my apprehensions and fears - I hurt you more than I will probably know”

You could already tell that this was going to be a long conversation. So with a soft tug, you were gently trying to coax him to join you in the bed.

At first, his expression only showed confusion, to be replaced with a look of understanding. Besides, he was already breaking the rules from him being there- what would one more do?

Curling up beside him, it was the safest and coziest you had ever felt in your life.

“Let’s start from the beginning.”

---- ---- ----

Taglist : @piperdoodles @cheeriecherrymain @twisted-carnival-creature @thehistoriangirl @vmyths @luixiv @linky-dinks @bruh-anator3000 @somethingthatsaysbubbles

[une-nuit-pour-se-souvenir]

The Dragon has Three Heads

"Three heads of the dragon... yes... but the third will not necessarily BE a Targaryen..."

~ GRRM @ at some convention

The conclusion is simple. The heads of the dragon refer to people and while the two are Targaryens, the third might not be one.

We can ignore anything that says this group of things are of different things (for example, I've seen "two Targaryens plus a concept"), as that makes no narrative sense. The key is exactly that last sentence, the third one may not be a Targaryen, which implies the three heads are all people and that two are Targaryens and the third is not quite one. Therefore, these three dragon heads must refer to people associated with dragon, with two of them being Targaryens but the last one not necessarily being one.

The most popular theory is that the two Targaryens are Danerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, with the third being the youngster that claims to be Aegon VI Targaryen and appears first in ADWD. This identification ignores the narrative framework for both Aegon VI Targareyn and Jon Snow.

On one hand, Aegon is often associated with kingly imagery (for example, the chapter he's introduced starts with six chests, the kid himself is introduced as standing at a higher ground than the rest, and ends with a turtle who is said to witness the birth of kings), he's accompanied by a lot associated with his parents such as Jon Connington (his father's hand of the kind) and some dornish / royne people (his mother's land and culture). Another thing to note is that Varys introduces him as the real thing to a dying man.

Moreover, there is at least one "baby switch" story that shadows this one, a prince baby being switched with a nobody, sent away to protect against a Baratheon. In specific, Mance Rayder's son (the wildling "king") being switched with Gilly's son, then sent South for protection against another Baratheon, which is notably a plan concocted by Jon Snow (another of Rhaegar's kids, as if preparing him and the reader to "believe" such a scenario is possible).

On the other hand, Jon Snow's core character revolves around two facts, that he is a bastard and that he loves his Stark family. The reveal that he's not Eddard Stark's bastard but Lyanna Stark's child doesn't erase the latter, as he's a Stark through his mother. Still, the nature of Rhaegar and Lyanna's relationship may erase the former. If Jon is illegitimate, that doesn't erase the former, but if he's legitimate somehow (Targaryens are said to take multiple wives), that erases the former and replaces it another. It can go either way.

Moreover, there is at least one "legitimized bastard" story that shadows this one. In specific, Jon Snow is offered to be legitimised both by Stannis Baratheon (something that is a true temptation, as it would give him everything he secretely longed for all his life), but also by Robb's will as it names Jon Snow as his heir over sisters and that's only possible through legitimising him. It's my conviction that "the rule of three" applies, therefore that Jon will reject Robb's will like he rejected Stannis' offer, but will have a third legitimization opportunity and that this time around he'll acept.

To be more specific and in contrast with Aegon, who's introduced with kingly imagery, Jon is introduced with bastardy imagery. Bran introduces him into the narratve as his bastard brother, while Jon's first POV chapter starts with him musing that he's a bastard. While Jon has "kingly" imagery, it doesn't come associated with imagery from his father's side, and seems to be self-contained to the North (for example, the first inside joke is "kings hiding under the snow" or Mormont's crow calling him king while he's at the wall). Jon's hidden parentage comes along with prince imagery instead (for example, the anti-parallel with bastard prince Joffrey). With my conviction explained above, I do believe it will come to Aegon legitimising Jon as his heir until he has kids (a parallel to Robb's will). Most (if not all) foreshadowing falls into place. Aegon VI is king, Jon is the (bastard) prince. An example would be Sansa's "Glory to your betrothed," Ser Arys answered at once. (...) "He is the dragon's heir." which fits with Jon as Aegon's heir.

Combined, this interpreation suggests that the popular theory is actually backwards: Aegon VI is the real thing while Jon Snow is the Blackfyre (bastard Targaryen). This is in accordance to the way the text is presented.

House of Undying

"THe dragon has three heads" is referenced for the first time to Danerys Targaryen in a prophetic inducing Shade of the Evening tripping out at the House of Undying.

The man had her brother's hair, but he was taller, and his eyes were a dark indigo rather than lilac. "Aegon," he said to a woman nursing a newborn babe in a great wooden bed. "What better name for a king?"

"Will you make a song for him?" the woman asked.

"He has a song," the man replied. "He is the prince that was promised, and his is the song of ice and fire." He looked up when he said it and his eyes met Dany's, and it seemed as if he saw her standing there beyond the door. "There must be one more," he said, though whether he was speaking to her or the woman in the bed she could not say. "The dragon has three heads." He went to the window seat, picked up a harp, and ran his fingers lightly over its silvery strings. Sweet sadness filled the room as man and wife and babe faded like the morning mist, only the music lingering behind to speed her on her way.

I'll say that whatever the House of Undying shows, may not be reality. Rhaegar wanting to fulfill some prophecy with three kids is not referenced anywhere else, except this moment which is the equivalent of a very bad drug trip. It's worth mentioning though, Ratgar saw a comet in the sky and thought he should impregnate his wife, against medical advice because she who was recovering from giving birth his first child. It could be, but it could not be.

Regardless, what's important to note is what's being prophetized. Much like GRRM's convention remark, Rhaegar identifies the three heads as people. So far so good. However, he also gives us an order: omitted Rhaenys as she was born already, Aegon in mother's lap, Danerys when Rhaegar looks up to "see" her at the door, then finally Jon when he says "there must be one more". On one hand, Rhaenys was murdered and Danerys is in this as well, so the conclusion is that the former "replaced" the latter in the prophecy. On the other hand, if this had been a real memory, than Rhaegar would have two legitimate kids at the time (Rhaenys and Aegon) such saying "there must be one more" suggests a third child (Jon), which goes well with GRRM saying "the third may not be a Targaryen". So in order, we have Aegon, Danerys, Jon.

Danerys later reflects upon what this prophecy means and comes the conclusion that these heads are supposed to be people. This is because the Targaryen coat-of-arms is a dragon with three heads, each head representing three Targaryens.

"The dragon has three heads," she sighed. "Do you know what that means, Jorah?"

"Your Grace? The sigil of House Targaryen is a three-headed dragon, red on black."

"I know that. But there are no three-headed dragons."

"The three heads were Aegon and his sisters."

(...)

"Prince Aegon was Rhaegar's heir by Elia of Dorne," Ser Jorah said. "But if he was this prince that was promised, the promise was broken along with his skull when the Lannisters dashed his head against a wall."

"I remember," Dany said sadly. "They murdered Rhaegar's daughter as well, the little princess. Rhaenys, she was named, like Aegon's sister. There was no Visenya, but he said the dragon has three heads. What is the song of ice and fire?"

(...)

"Your Grace," he conceded, "the dragon has three heads, remember? You have wondered at that, ever since you heard it from the warlocks in the House of Dust. Well, here's your meaning: Balerion, Meraxes, and Vhagar, ridden by Aegon, Rhaenys, and Visenya. The three-headed dragon of House Targaryen—three dragons, and three riders."

(...)

When Brown Ben left, she lay back on her cushions. "If you were grown," she told Drogon, scratching him between the horns, "I'd fly you over the walls and melt that harpy down to slag." But it would be years before her dragons were large enough to ride. And when they are, who shall ride them? The dragon has three heads, but I have only one.

(...)

"No dragon has ever had three heads except on shields and banners," Armen the Acolyte said firmly. "That was a heraldic charge, no more. Furthermore, the Targaryens are all dead."

"Not all," said Alleras. "The Beggar King had a sister."

(...)

"The dragon must have three heads," he wailed, "but I am too old and frail to be one of them. I should be with her, showing her the way, but my body has betrayed me."

The prophecies in ASOIAF are always misunderstood. Danerys is no exception, as she's wrongly identifing people and their motives. One thing is for sure in all these mentions though, the "dragon heads" are meant to be people and one of them is Danerys.

Danerys thinks these three dragons are supposed to mimic the original trio, with herself as Aegon and two men she'll take as lovers as the two sister wives. This is where the misunderstanding is, because it's obvious from the framework that is backwards.

These at least she could rely on, or so she hoped . . . and Brown Ben Plumm as well, solid Ben with his grey-white hair and weathered face, so beloved of her dragons. And Daario beside him, glittering in gold. Daario and Ben Plumm, Grey Worm, Irri, Jhiqui, Missandei . . . as she looked at them Dany found herself wondering which of them would betray her next.

The dragon has three heads. There are two men in the world who I can trust, if I can find them. I will not be alone then. We will be three against the world, like Aegon and his sisters.

Danerys is a dumb bitch and the text shows us exactly how. The idea of Danerys being betrayed comes together with the other two heads. They're not lovers, they're betrayers. It occurs again in ADWD as she's in the Dothraki Sea, contemplentanting if the "king" betrayed her and a wolf answers in the distance.

The framework fits this foiled scenario. The original trio was a man married to both his sisters, but only he became king (later, only the man could rule according to Targaryen law). In contrast, Danerys is a woman (foil) and both her brothers are dead (foil), whom are replaced with nephews that have a bigger claim than her (foil) and whom will not be involved / married with her (foil).

It's also thematically relevant and poignant for the trios to be foiled. The Targaryen king dynasty started with an alliance between three dragons, it's fitting that it ends with a war between three dragons. It's what they've been threatening all along with the Dance of the Dragons after all.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure  triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[platypuskenny]

Can I get more f that Kenny’s physiology with his alter egos? I’m rlly interested in that

(assuming this means psychology, as a follow up to this post)

i’ve put it off cuz i’ve been busy with other stuff but i‘m really glad i got this ask cuz i love kenny and I love thinking about them in the context of their two alter egos!

CW: discussion of child abuse and neglect, including inexplicit discussion of child sexuality. also a lot of discussion of The Whole Kenny Death Thing. also spoilers for the stick of truth if you haven’t played it!

kenny’s been treated a lot more seriously in recent seasons, with a shift in character to be a lot more mature as well, and it’s a development that makes a lot of sense in the context of “the characters have undergone A Lot and it’s really shaped their personalities because they’re at a stage when their brain is still very soft and malleable and susceptible to trauma.”

the addition of karen in “the poor kid” seems to have shaken up the depiction of the mccormicks a lot. in earlier seasons, kenny was more passive about his home situation, or at least went out of his way to ignore them, (like in “best friends forever” when he plays on his PSP and leaves the house while his parents fight). there are early scenes where he does have some responsibility to his family (i.e. trying to win a can of food for them in “starvin marvin”) but usually he’s just depicted as a kid trying to live through a tough situation. though his “willing to do anything for money even if it’s deeply upsetting, depraved, or outright deadly” character trait from “fat camp” kind of tracks with this understanding that he prioritizes financial security over his personal well-being. 

however, ever since karen was added to the show, kenny’s been depicted as a much more responsible and often even tragic figure. his parents are too caught up in their own shit to address their children’s emotional needs, and kevin sadly gets caught up in their violence as well in “the poor kid” (he’s also vaguely implied to be developmentally disabled in the few scenes he speaks up but that’s mostly speculation). because of this, kenny ends up being karen’s main caretaker - holding her close when she’s distressed at losing her parents, buying her a doll, etc. 

kenny’s situation is a textbook example of parentification. he ends up taking care of karen, at least emotionally, because his parents and brother are unable to do so. he also becomes the breadwinner in “the city part of town” as soon as he gets the chance. this is a really unhealthy scenario that a lot of children in poverty, especially older siblings, see themselves in. it can result in the child not knowing their true place in a family that takes them for granted, and thus not considering their own needs and/or feeling shame if they need help because they’re so used to putting everybody before them. i think this tracks with kenny being “the quiet one” and rarely asking for anything. 

that’s not even getting into the constant death and the fact he spent so much of his life not even understanding why he was doomed to constantly die in horrible painful ways, and for nobody else to remember that he even died to begin with. (kind of symbolic of the neglected child, huh?) 

this brings us to mysterion and princess kenny. in both the superhero game and the fantasy game, you’ll notice kenny is the one who tends to get the most involved, with the only exception being possibly cartman, who could be the topic of a whole other essay on identity issues. mysterion is the one superhero with a real power who exists outside of their superhero game (besides the kewn, whose superhero persona is entirely self-motivated anyway), and princess kenny gets so defensive of her identity that she betrays her friends in both the trilogy and the game. kenny also talks about lady mccormick in the third person in the first black friday episode, and i don’t know if any other characters speak about their personas in that way. so kenny intentionally places more distance between his personas and himself than the other kids do with their personas. 

therefore, i see mysterion and princess kenny as how kenny copes with his deeply repressed psychological issues. it’s a way to compartmentalize his feelings towards his constant suffering and the burden his family inadvertently placed on him by developing these two identities. one embraces his role as caretaker to the degree of becoming a superhero, and the other rejects it in favor of being entirely doted upon. (some people have read the prominence of roles as signs of a dissociative disorder, and i can see that with this context, but i don’t know if it’s really a perfect fit for any specific disorder, especially when there’s little information on kenny’s consciousness when it comes to these personas.)

mysterion is more obviously a tool for kenny to express his discontent with his town. in his first appearance, he states, “i could no longer sit by and watch as my city became a cesspool of crime,” which tracks with his earlier characterization as reluctantly accepting his family’s poverty despite constantly suffering. (plus i’m pretty sure several of kenny’s deaths were the result of crimes.) he refuses to be unmasked because he “would stop being a symbol,” and only does so in order to quell the unrest that his mystery has provoked. that "symbol" wording suggests that mysterion is an extreme version of kenny's self-sacrificing lifestyle to the point where he defines himself as a symbol of justice and hope, not a person. kenny himself is also pretty quiet and secretive, but more because nobody cares about him and he’s kind of afraid of getting killed any second. mysterion’s secret persona is something bold, powerful, and masculine. he is physically adept in a way we don’t see kenny behave, and much more reasonable and cautious about what’s best for him and humanity. (a good visual of this to contrast with kenny is the “mysterion re-rising” animation in the fractured but whole, where he consciously rejects the chance to go to the heaven full of naked women that kenny loves because he has to return to battle.)

mysterion is also a way for kenny to reclaim his "curse” and use it for good. as mysterion, he uses death (albeit reluctantly) to get out of tough situations and save his friends. in video games like fractured but whole and phone destroyer, mysterion’s ability to exist as a ghost and revive himself is a gameplay mechanic. this self-sacrificial personality trait has shown up in earlier seasons, and he kills himself for the good of the community/world/etc in “cartman’s mom is still a dirty slut,” the movie, and “jewbilee.” but he’s not nearly as interested in world issues unless he’s under pressure to care. (for example: he does join the workers’ strike in “bike parade,” but he’s not very passionate about it and doesn’t even care about the issue until his dad takes him to a union meeting.) kenny’s good with solving short-term issues while mysterion worries about the deeper, long-term problems with the town. 

this brings us to mysterion and the mccormicks. when we see mysterion’s interactions with karen, we see how mysterion represents kenny’s responsibilities towards her. mysterion is able to offer karen elaborate, heartfelt emotional support, and guarantee that he’ll always be there for her. he also beats up a girl who bullies her and threatens anybody else who thinks about hurting her - more on that aggressive instinct down below. while mysterion’s identity is known to his friends and the rest of the town, it’s not known to karen, who sees him as a guardian angel. presumably, this is so mysterion can remain a symbol of hope to her, just like he is to the town, and so karen feels like there’s people in the world who care about her besides her brother. however, this does backfire in the fractured but whole DLC where she laments how her brother doesn’t seem to spend time with her, which embarrasses mysterion as he promises to tell him to be there for her more often. this implies that kenny gets so wrapped up in being mysterion that he forgets that he has a duty to karen as kenny as well, further indicating that mysterion is a way to cope with the tragic responsibility of caring for a sibling not much younger than he is.

during the superhero trilogy, kenny also uses mysterion to question his parents about their cult meetings, something that shook him so badly when he learned about it that he broke character. mysterion also told his parents to be nicer to the kids, not beat each other up, pay their kids allowances, and not smoke. it seems that mysterion is able to approach kenny’s parents about serious issues while kenny himself mostly stays out of their business - possibly out of fear? (kenny’s more confrontational in later seasons, though - flipping off his dad in “bike parade,” for example.)

on a similar note, mysterion is way more openly angry and violent than kenny is, especially when it comes to the death curse, which he openly complains about in a way kenny himself never did. compare kenny complaining about stan ignoring his deaths in “cherokee hair tampons,” which only gets further ignored, and mysterion complaining about it in graphic detail in “coon vs coon and friends,” even killing himself in front of his friends, and understandably scaring the shit out of them. mysterion also gets really protective of karen, violently so, as seen with the girl he beats up in “the poor kid” and his distrust when the vampires befriend her in the “from dusk til casa bonita” DLC. such a mysterion is way more passionate and loud about justice and direct action while kenny is more resigned, and most of his good deeds are unknown to the public. if kenny has embraced this caretaker role, it makes sense that he vents his repressed anger through mysterion, especially if you take it in the context of dissociation - kenny can’t handle dwelling on his shitty life all the time, so mysterion holds that anger and finds a way to cope with it by trying to fix everything around them, including kenny’s home life. 

princess kenny is very opposite mysterion in many ways. most obviously, she’s a girl. kenny’s relationship with gender is something i think about a lot in light of PK. “tweek vs craig” depicted him as the only boy in home ec, and he was thrilled because it was the safe alternative to the deadly shop class. i think that, regardless of your headcanon for kenny’s gender (i personally see them as feminine nonbinary - i’m mostly using “he” pronouns in this essay strictly for recognition’s sake and because i’m mostly talking about the show’s depiction of kenny), he sees femininity as safe and comforting, but nevertheless very powerful. (remember that his mother, while not super feminine, is a very outspoken and aggressive woman who calls stuart out on his shit constantly.) and what’s a better combination of femininity and power than a magical girl? 

also one thing i want to note real quick is that karen still refers to kenny as her sister in the stick of truth despite not being super involved in their game which i personally choose to read as Trans Rights Subtext

this is how we get lady mccormick / princess kenny, who is largely a passive character during the black friday trilogy, sitting upon her throne and cutely commenting on the surroundings while stan translates for her. then when sony takes her in, she becomes the star of her own show, a magical japanese princess who doesn’t take shit from cartman or his army and gets whatever she wants because she’s a cute little girl and now she gets to be protected and doted upon! also she speaks japanese and is not muffled in the slightest despite wearing her parka....symbolism? and really interestingly is that when she supposedly dies, she brushes herself off and immediately revives, declaring that she’s okay. in kenny’s feminine fantasy, she doesn’t suffer when she dies, and revives without any mess at all. princess kenny is always gonna be okay!

PK is also very flirty and overly sexual. it’s no secret that kenny is very interested in and knowledgeable of sex. he also absolutely worships women’s bodies, as seen with his views of heaven and that whole plot of “major boobage.” i don’t even read this as lust, because he’s ten, but sheer fascination with sex. maybe it plays into that whole “growing up too fast” concept where he tries to indulge in the “fun” parts of adulthood to make up for the exhaustion of caregiving, but this has been a thing since before kenny was depicted as a real caregiver so IDK. 

anyway, i think PK is also a way for kenny to experiment with flirting and sex, particularly with other boys. she uses her coyness and, in the games, her bare chest to entice boys. her cuteness also attracts grown men in “titties and dragons” which goes largely unremarked upon, which is a bit uncomfortable but still works with the idea that she’s the most “lovable” form of kenny. she also apparently thinks the new kid is “cute.” iit’s really funny to me how kenny is depicted as interested in strictly girls while princess kenny only focuses on boys, which could support the idea that PK is a separate entity from kenny, or that kenny just needs to figure himself out. either way, i imagine kenny finds some thrill in getting men to pay attention to them when their male friends often treat her as superfluous, and even then it often involves objectifying herself (this also tracks with their behavior in “fat camp”). it’s kind of sad if you think about it.

in the climax of the stick of truth, princess kenny has her own in-depth backstory, where she was an orc/elf rejected by both the elves and humans. i think this reflects kenny’s feeling of being “othered” as non-human (since this game chronologically comes after the superhero trilogy) and just generally not feeling welcome among their friends unless they need her. there may also be some parallels between her friends denying her the right to be a princess and kenny’s friends refusing to believe in his immortality. when she rebels against her friends choosing the stick over friendship, it’s another way for kenny to cope with their mixed-to-negative feelings about their friends. so while PK is a figure to be doted on, she’s still probably more gutsy than the kenny we usually know. 

however, PK is not entirely selfish or apathetic about the world around her. in the opening of “a song of ass and fire,” her inner monologue explains her choice to deflect to the PS4 side as the side she believes “is best for all.” she also laments that everybody, including her parents, will be fighting on black friday. it seems that PK dreads the mere idea of war, which contradicts mysterion’s tendency to use violence as a means to protect others. PK still uses her adorableness to help her team, and only asks that they accept her, which really isn’t much. it’s just when she, you know, becomes a nazi zombie and puts the world in danger because she’s so pissed about not being accepted for who she is. 

in my original post, i used the freudian personality theory to explain these three personas, which i regret because i fucking hate freud and he’s heavily responsible for modern consumerism and planned obsolescence. but the basic concepts of the id, ego, and superego do kind of illustrate what i’m getting at with these guys. i assigned princess kenny as the id, because she’s more about self-gratification and getting what she thinks she deserves as well as a tendency towards sexual gratification, and mysterion as the superego (hehe get it super) because of his strong inclination towards morality. however, this isn’t that black-and-white, as princess kenny has some moral considerations and mysterion has violent impulses (the “aggressive instinct”) that are more easily attributed to the id. nevertheless, it seems that kenny is still the balance between these exaggerated personas, and when he expresses attitudes similar to theirs, they are far more downplayed due to the necessities of his situation as a caretaker and an underappreciated friend. kind of makes you wonder if/how the attitudes of mysterion and princess kenny will manifest in him when he’s older.

[magnumdays]

Magnum 3.15 - “Before the Fall”

1) Magnum being adorable and we getting some stuff from his past - love it! Bernardo seems like a great guy I can’t believe how much I want Magnum and Higgins going to his wedding next season. (It’s going on my season 4 Wishlist). 

2) I guess I official completely hate Ethan now. Dude. Come on.

Side not on this, Perdie gave me lots of emotions with this scene and the whole “that’s not what I want!” I may now hate Ethan but I kinda just want him to say sorry and hug her and be all “I luv you and I’m not going to Africa” because crying Higgy just makes me so sad (but I also hate him now so I don’t want that but you know)!

Just look at my poor baby all teary eyed!

 Second side note: how they gonna work this into “.... Ethan asks Higgins to join him on an extended trip for Doctors Without Borders just as Magnum starts to open up to other possibilities.” Like that’s a quick turn around from “I want to leave to get some time away from you because I don’t trust you”. I’m just saying... 

3) third is a bit of a rant because Was the theme of this episode somehow “men do terrible things to women because they think it’s all about them and we’re supposed to feel sorry for them?“ 

Because we got a) girl hiking gets 'accidentally’ killed by her dad for investigating her best friend’s murder and not being willing to cover up the fact that b) her best friend was murdered by hiker girl’s brother for not returning his romantic feelings c) Juliet, after telling Ethan about her past gets ghosted for 24h then basically ‘I no longer trust you so I’m leaving’ by Ethan. 

Juliet’s case is obviously not as bad. But they’re all is shown as sympathetic, we’re meant to feel bad for them because they killed/hurt these women. Sad music plays and it’s almost like we’re supposed to “get it”. Feel bad for him. And we do. But he killed his own daughter when she was trying to find justice for her best friend. I feel sadder for her.

It’s not cool to kill someone. Even if a woman rejects you, can’t keep a secret, kept too many… (or well, at least Ethan only stuck an emotional knife in Higgy’s heart. I mean I guess he’s allowed his feelings even if they’re kinda stupid.) And I know that wasn’t what they were saying but I still felt like everyone was so understanding to brother and the father.

At the same time I really ‘like’ that we have this double whammy of realistic ways/ reason women are killed by the men in their lives. Because fun fact for all my ladies out there if you’re going to get killed  64% out of 100% times it’s your husband, brother, father, boyfriend, date is going to be the killer. Good times. IDK if I’ve been on the tiktok ‘feminisms’ tag too long but this episode felt like it was kind of representative of “normal” guys killing women. Not serial killers, just a dad killing his own daughter on accident because he was trying to protect his son. 

4) I guess actual theme of the episode was more like “people will not act the way you expect them to because we got a lot of layers and in the end it’s the people we care about the most that hurt us but also help us grow and change” with TC asking Shammy to pilot for him and him freaking a bit over that and both Rick/TC being a little hurt but then understanding, Magnum pushing his uncle to tell him about his ‘true love’ and finding it was his mother and reacting to that and feeling betrayed but eventually figuring it out it’s OK and finally Juliet deciding to trust Ethan and that not really working out for her at all. Even the case, with it being the dead girl’s own brother and father fits in here.

5) The scene from the sneak peek turned out to maybe be my favorite of the episode

Like come on he’s all “Magnum’s been telling me all about how great you are” and she’s like “don’t believe a word of it”

I mean she’s super snarky, maybe a little bit more than how she’s been lately because she’s been a bit softer, (but I’m figuring know she’s a little extra prickly because of sharing secrets with Ethan the night before and him not taking it super well.) But I love them being snarky and bickering.

Uncle Bernardo knows what’s up!

I liked the “No way, we can handle it, Thomas has been looking forward to your visit for weeks” moment too.

She might be bantering and being her normal British Higgy self but she’s also really excited for Magnum to be getting to spend some time with family. Prepping the extra fancy room for him, coming to say hi when he first arrived, being all ‘no no you guys spend time we got this’ (because you know, gotta make sure to make a good impression on the future in-laws...) 

Part of me wishes we’d gotten a little bit more of a Higgy talks about what she’s feeling with TC or Magnum. But at the same time that’s not her. Well, maybe with Thomas she might have but IDK, maybe it was best to save that for 3.16 and the ‘break up/ doctors without borders’ situation we’re about to find ourselves in...

(And is it because it was two weeks of missing my babies but is Higgy looking extra fine? Like even crying I’m like man she’s so hot! Did they change he eyebrows? New foundation? Also is her hair a little longer? IDK, I guess she’s just hot and I forgot... 

(Speaking of hair, can we talk about the little side braid thing? Why do I love it so much?)

Yeah, over all I liked this episode.

Despite not that much Miggy and crying Juliet at the end. I do really apricate all the heart-eyes from Magnum lately. 

Like we cannot go one scene or even a phone call without him just making me go ‘wow, if you looked up ‘guy in love’ in the dictionary, this is what you’d get’ because come on! Magnum and Higgy do feel a little bit more distant in 14+15 compared to 11-13. 

Now all we have is a week of anxiety until the season finale and then a whole lot of waiting! Is it weird I both want it to be next week right this second and for it to be like a month from now because 3.16 is the last episode until the fall! 

[shyrose57]

Tommy and Ranboo call Tubbo Stripes, due to his love of bees, and cats. It’s a pattern both species share.

Tubbo’s alias is Tabby Cat, because, y’know. Stripes. Bees and cats. 

I’m working on it. 

Despite feeling drawn to each other, the three were still quite weary of each other, due to their occupations, and general survival instinct. It was actually Ranboo who took the first step. After finding out about Tubbo’s love for bees, he showed the boy part of the garden where they roamed in abundance. From there, Tubbo reached out to Tommy to help him out of a sticky situation, and so on, and so forth. 

The Bench Trio has a complicated relationship with the Crusaders of Gotham.

They get along great with the Robins. Jason was like an older brother to them, and returned to that once the Pit died down. Tim and Tubbo can be found hanging out, sharing tech ideas and chatting. Tommy and Ranboo both find Damian amusing and look out for him.

It’s the same for the Batgirls, for the most part. They respect Barbara and consider her an older sibling figure. Cass can chill with them when things get overwhelming. Steph and Tommy like to rough house.

Batman…none of them really get along great with him. 

For everyone else, it just depends on who.

Oh, I have an idea for Ranboo. Hellebore or Helleborus, maybe? A large part of them is poisonous, and they can represent both serenity and anxiety, so it’d have the duality. Plus, they come in white and black. 

While both Ranboo and Tommy can get away with killing a lot easier, Tubbo has more trouble. It’s basically this whole thing about Batman holding Catwoman to a different standard because she’s more of a thief, and, because Tubbo’s her apprentice, he’s also held to those standards.

He wouldn’t care, but he knows if he ever does end up killing, the Bat will be on his back. And Selina will stand by him, even if it means becoming a true enemy of Gotham’s Dark Knight-he basically just wasn’t her in trouble for his actions. 

Like Ivy had done to Harley, once Ranboo was skilled enough, he developed his own serum for the Bench Trio. Both rejected it at the original time it was offered, but Tommy would later come across it again and inject it, making him stronger, faster, and immune to poison, like Harley. 

Some point shortly after Red Hood starts being able to manage the Pit Rage, the Joker decides to make his come back by snatching the Bench Trio. 

Long story short, it ends with Ranboo dead, Tubbo traumatized, and Tommy eventually spiraling into a quest for vengeance against the Joker-which is why he decides to take the mentioned serum when he finds it again. 

Ranboo is later revived though, through a mixture of lingering respawn magic, and Lazarus waters, though he doesn’t reveal himself until a bit after, struggling to control the Pit’s effects on him.

Tubbo wears a blond wig with brown streaks when going out as Tabby Cat, to further distance himself from Tobias Kyle, the ward of Selina Kyle.

He’s the only one to have a secret identity, and honestly, it’s amazing that nobody’s connected the dots with how many times he’s been ‘kidnapped’ by two thirds of the Bench Trio and never seen in the room with the third.

Of course, the following rumors, and having to deal with Robin ‘rescuing him’ is somewhat worse. 

They all take the opportunity to be as dramatic as possible, and he hates it. Selina’s dabbing her ‘teary’ eyes, Ranboo’s holding him a knife-point with a rose that’s literally thornless, Robin’s struggling to bite back laughter, and Tommy’s not even bothering. 

It’s just terrible. They do this like every other Sunday, how nobody has caught onto to it being a bit amiss, he has no idea, and no hope for Gotham.

[purplerose244]

It was always you

Hello everyone!! 😊

I’m a bit late but I really wanted to contribute to the @lukadrien-june event, I hope this is okay! Based on the third prompt, while throwing in some character study for sunshine boy! 💛

Enjoy!! 😙😙

Summary: Love was supposed to be easy, at least in his head. A pure perfect fairy tale... except it was not. Adrien takes probably more time to realize it than other people but he is getting there. Especially not alone.

Read it on the AO3 here

If there was one thing that Adrien wished he had known, before giving up homeschooling once and for all and finally starting to build a life, was that loving wasn’t nearly as simple and dreamlike as his extremely well-developed imagination had led him to believe. He truly wished that he could borrow Bunnix’ Miraculous sometimes, just to head back to that room where he used to spend his entire time on his own dreaming of himself and his soulmate and getting married at sight, and tell him that if living was hard outside, heart matters were even harder.

Love wasn’t that ideal, it wasn’t reductive.

It wasn’t nearly that basic either. It took him a while, but he had figured it out.

It had all started with Ladybug of course, most of his new experiences in the real world had started with her. He had fallen in love with her pretty much two days after meeting her… granted, being stuck into his own house for years thinking of himself as a poor prince in waiting of a savior rather than a knight out to get the princess, might had developed in him a bit of an eagerness for romance. She was smart, beautiful, courageous, resourceful and a hero, what was there not to love? Besides they were Chat Noir and Ladybug, they were meant to be… because… that was Ladybug. The moment he had realized how much he loved that image – if he used to fantasize before looked at him now –, and how he had started to slowly care less and less about knowing what was hiding behind it, that was the dealbreaker. He didn’t want to be in love with a figure, an icon for Paris, because it was what all people had always reduced him to. It would have not been a good way to start, and it would have not been fair for her either.

Getting over all those dreams about the marriage, the children and the hamster – oh the hamster, heart stay still – that he had wished for so intensely had been… easy? Not exactly, but smooth. A strong emptiness and pain that had slowly faded away with time. After all, Ladybug was never going to be far from him, and she cared about him a lot, he knew that much. He could love her, no matter what, no matter in what way.

After that singular and very one-sided experience, a spectacular sequence of disasters had made him slowly and steadily feel aware of how much messier the concept of relationships really was. One thing was dodging Chloe’s overly affectionate tendencies or his fans’ intense assaults over him; the other realizing that Kagami was ready to commit into something he wasn’t sure of, that Lila was still somehow convinced that he wanted something to do with her after all of her lies – for a fox this sly she sure was in denial… why did that sound hypocrite? –, and that Marinette had apparently harbored feelings for him almost as soon as they had met – oh yeah that was why. Life, a real, multifaced, worth living life was chaotic and confusing, it hurt, and it saddened, and he was behind everyone, struggling like mad to catch up.

Rejecting so many people he cared about had been awful. Some of his closest friends, all important parts of his life in different ways, and all because he wasn’t smart enough to understand feelings and his own clearly weren’t right. When Marinette had smiled at him with tears in her eyes, saying that it was okay and that she understood, Adrien had decided that it was enough. He wasn’t going to attempt anything else, if it always ended up with hurting someone he cared about.

He could deal with his feelings on his own, he always did, without paining anyone. There was no problem anyway, after Ladybug no one had ever shaken his heart.

No one, no one at all… and during that time, between slowly realizing that perhaps looking for wedding rings after two days sounded a little unreasonable and somehow managing to hate his face plastered all over Paris even more than before, the Music Festival had occurred, along with the awakening of Captain Hardrock. The famous tripping over the bridge had happened, a goofiness that had somehow gotten him into a band.

Him had happened. The charming, kind, intriguing guitarist of the Liberty, that had welcomed him the moment he had been there.

Luka Coffaine.

… Adrien was starting to hate his heart a little bit.

Luckily or unluckily, around that time he had found himself too caught up in his and other people’s messes to even realize how he had always unconsciously smiled at the boy whenever he was there, and how it had become normal for him to stay with him after band practice, without caring on how father could had reacted to his delay – just how dense was he about his feelings… never mind. It took Lila to finally focus on something other than plotting, Chloe to start paying attention to her own life instead of worsening others, and Marinette and Kagami to begin exchange sweet looks for him to finally find some normality to think – and develop an extremely intense fanboy soul.

Enough to realize that ever since Desperada, with the brilliant introduction of Viperion to the team, Adrien had found himself as Luka’s confidant, the only one besides Ladybug aware of his secret identity. Exciting stories, confessions, insecurities, all while the guitarist was making such an effort to communicate with words, because he trusted him enough not to judge his mind.

And Adrien was enjoying the confidence, the vicinity. A lot. Truly a lot.

… way too much for it to be normal.

It had woken him at night. He had teared up in his bed, curled on one side while Plagg had been purring next to his ear all night. It was the first time that being in love had felt this terrifying. He didn’t want to mess everything up, not again, not with Luka. The freedom he felt with being on the Liberty, the time spent with his friends in the band, the warming welcome he had always received from captain Anarka and Juleka – and by extension Rose, those two always came in pair –, and every single moment spent without having to care about who he was and what did he represent because Luka didn’t care about covers, he cared about the real music coming from people. Everything could disappear in a moment.

With that set of mind, he had spent some of the most tense moments of his life, constantly pondering about what to do next. What exactly was a person supposed to do if he liked another without making a mess? What was the alternative to confess his undying love and hope to plan a wedding at the end of his studies? Was there an alternative??

His anxious attitude had inevitably gotten the attention of his group of friends, that for some miracle hadn’t gotten tired of his denseness, especially Marinette. She hadn’t seemed to care much, especially not while distractively holding the amulet Kagami had made for her – somehow love life had made the fencer even deadlier during practice, like she was fighting was someone, impressive. It had taken them to bribe him with a new recipe of croissants from the Dupain-Cheng bakery to be forced to talk, a necessity that had exploded out of his lips the moment his friends had been gathered on Marinette’s bed to listen. The sweets had been amazing. Just a bit salty… but that was probably because he hadn’t been able to talk without tearing up all over the food.

At the end of the discussion, Marinette had squeaked so loudly his ears had started to ring.

“You have to confess and get together, you two would be a great couple!” To which he had responded that he didn’t want to risk it, especially since he didn’t know how it was going to end.

Alya had slammed her hands over her own knees – ouch –, standing up.

“You have to man up! Don’t think about what could happen, go for it and make him yours!” To which he had said that he didn’t want to be insensitive again in case it didn’t go well – also that that kind of wording was a little confusing, enough to turn him bright red.

Then Nino had looked up from his phone, looking a little baffled. He had changed too, considering that love matters used to make him all nervous.

“Why don’t you ask him out first and see how it goes from there? You don’t have to become boyfriends if it feels too soon.” The table had gone silent, all eyes were on the DJ, who simply arched an eyebrow. “… you do know you can go on a date with someone, realize that it’s not working without actually get together, right?” More silence had followed. Adrien was sure that he had felt a weird mixture of disappointment and relief, while Marinette had looked so very shocked.

In conclusion, Nino was amazing. Like that was new.

Starting from there the blonde had been practicing in front of the mirror every day, terrified of rejection but less tense over how things could go. Despite fans and admirers his past relationships, if those could be called, weren’t giving him much of a booster or a good feeling about how this chance was going to play. Somehow it hardly mattered. Luka was a very reasonable person, he was going to reject him very nicely. It had been almost uplifting the idea of the guitarist treating him with absolute kindness, even while shattering all of his dreams.

One day Luka had called him over for an improv session. It happened often, this artist was extremely instinctive when it came to music, and he had told him that having a more rational and accurate player like Adrien around grounded him to his usual style. It was flattering every time he was called for that same reason, it was an occasion that made the blonde ignore all about his current schedule – of course he was at fencing right now, Kagami could cover- uhm, confirm for him –, to finally focus on something that he really wanted to do. Luka was always waiting over the bed of his room, playing a few notes, stopping for minutes then going again. It was calming and endearing, like Adrien was allowed to hear the inside of his mind.

He had been standing there, legs crossed at the end of the bed while Luka was lying down with the instrument. There had been only sounds for all of this time, without additions or suggestions or anything. It was nice. Really nice. Adrien had wondered what else could he discover out of him just by stay close like this, and how much he wanted to. The need to let those words out had been steadily growing without him realizing it.

“Luka?” Until they were out. “Do you wanna go on a date with me?” Mirror practice had helped, it had come out almost mechanically. There was a spark into his stomach, the adrenaline pouring out. The melody in the air had stopped for a pretty terrifying second.

Then it had come back as a full, real song. It was timid, sweet, and sincere.

“I’d love to.” In his own giddiness, Adrien could admit of being wrong. Yet he was almost sure he had seen the calm and controlled guitarist blush the tiniest little bit.

A single date at the restaurant where Alya’s mother worked at without people in the way – he loved his friends so much – had followed another one walking hand in hand through Rue Montorgueil in disguise – at last he had achieved his long-lasting dream of looking like someone else without the mask –, that had followed another one at a secret party Chloe had organized at Le Grand Paris for her classmates – she had given him such a smirk at seeing his plus one, gossip was coming. It had nothing to do with the dates of his daydreams, the ones he had lived through his head for years: every single time his stomach was so tense it felt like it was burning, painfully, making him question if he really wanted this. Then, the moment they were there talking, engaging themselves into an interesting topic while letting time pleasantly leave them behind, the stress was gone and there were only the two of them.

They had gone like this for months. Some absolutely lovely months. At some point Alya, stopping him at school, had calmly stated that him and Luka combined with Marinette and Kagami were making her feel single, and she had a boyfriend, so it was probably time to make it official. He had agreed with her, of course he had. He liked Luka… yeah right, he loved him. Everything with him felt so real, so close and intense, like he was finally living.

His feelings weren’t the problem… Luka’s were.

Not that he doubted him. Not after all the little orange blossoms left over his keyboard before band practice – they meant eternal love, oh heart stay still once again –, the songs sung for him whenever he felt upset or angry at his father, or the hand kisses at the end of every single date, like he was being cherished every single time. One of the guitarist’s biggest qualities was his sincerity, Adrien was absolutely sure he could trust him and his heart. Just how he had never blamed anyone before, not Chloe, not Kagami, not Marinette, not even Lila, for their feelings towards him.

They had been real, like his own feelings for Ladybug used to be… but they were for Adrien only, the supermodel, Paris’ iconic pretty face and perfect boy. That perfection in him, one he had been forced to practice in order to please his father, that was attracted others, but it wasn’t in any way all that was in him.

What was all the rest? It was also there. But it came out only whenever he wore the mask.

With time, the image he had been forced to wear for the profit of his father had grown into an uncomfortable, old sweater that he hadn’t known it had felt unbelievably itchy until he got the possibility to take it off, to try something else. And that black-leather armor was his absolute favorite. Nothing felt like freedom as that, nothing felt like him as those moments, whenever he jumped into the sky holding hard onto his staff. Thanks to his Miraculous he had discovered himself. Thanks to that he had found out that he liked making jokes, he loved puns, he liked making a fool of himself for the sake to have fun. He liked risking, he liked dancing, he wasn’t too keen on closed places, and he absolutely loved how the moon reflected into the Seine at night after patrol. Everything was him, so vividly him it made him choke a little at the mere thought of it.

Adrien Agreste was another mask, one he was growing considerably tired to wear. He had been through some love experiences now, even though they did not end quite well: there was no point into pretending to be someone he wasn’t, there was no meaning into hiding himself when he truly wanted to establish a bond with someone. He had known this, he knew this.

But if everyone liked Adrien better… if Luka liked Adrien better, how was he supposed to do that?

The tension coming from those thoughts was there only when he wasn’t around his favorite guitarist, making him at least forget about the dilemma coming with. Even so, around those times he had found himself at least wondering exactly what kind of opinion his date had about Chat Noir. He wasn’t sure, they had never talked much in their superhero personas, because of the urge of the moment and because with his lady’s strategic mind and a power like Second Chance it was unfairly easy sometimes to solve the situation – Ladybug needed to start bringing Viperion more often and yes, maybe just a little bit to see more of Luka in sexy snake cosplay. He was fairly sure he didn’t mind him, he seemed to even smile at him sometimes – total heart eyes –, but he wanted to be sure.

It had been night at the Liberty, they had ordered pizza. Sugary drinks made Rose giggle like mad, so Juleka had brought her to her room to take a nap and probably cuddle, leaving the two of them alone. That wasn’t weird. Wondering if the guy Adrien was dating liked his cat counterpart, that was weird. At the end, looking at how relaxed the boy over the sofa was while distractively bending the last pizza crust, he hadn’t been able to do pose a potentially confusing question, asking instead what he thought about Ladybug – he had made a mental post-it to whine loudly into his pillow later.

Luka had brought up stuff he already knew, how she was a great leader, an inspiration, extremely smart and courageous. Despite the failure of questioning him Adrien had smiled, he was weirdly happy they thought the same about his partner.

“She has a huge responsibility and deals with it incredibly, that’s commendable… with that being said, my favorite is Chat Noir.” A boom inside. “He’s hot.” A second, bigger explosion had occurred into Adrien’s head – in a feeble spark of lucidity he had begged his brain not to produce smoke out of his ears. Luka had laughed, playing some more, without looking directly at him. “And he’s such a selfless, reliable person, you can tell from how he doesn’t hesitate to help others or support me or Ladybug. He’s incredibly loyal, and… really funny.”

It had taken perhaps a second too long, in which a thousand of tiny little Adrien running all over his brain had been screaming out loud hysterically about how this handsome guitarist was a Chat Noir fan, and it had been the best day ever. Then he had managed to talk, ask, his voice was a little raspy.

“You… you like his puns?” Luka had scooted closer to him, smirking a little.

“It’s our little secret.” With that he had put a hand around his shoulders, bringing him closer to him. The blonde had abandoned himself into the embrace, trying to hide the giddy smile in his chest.

It got easier to let himself go from that moment forward, knowing that at least some parts of Chat Noir Luka didn’t mind at all. Having Nino groaning like mad after they had all taken their matchmaker ice creams from Andre, with Adrien coming out with a “I scream for an ice cream”, had been worth it just to see the guitarist rolling his eyes with an endeared smile. It had felt good. He couldn’t fully let go, being a model and famous and all that baloney, but he could stop pretending for a moment and embrace a little bit more about himself.

It had hit him much later that perhaps, maybe, possibly, the matter of telling Luka about his superhero identity was meant to come up at some point. It hadn’t seemed an important matter before, he was not supposed to do reveal it anyway according to Ladybug. Then again, this wasn’t a relationship behind masks like that one, it was as open as it could be. Also Plagg wasn’t exactly the biggest fan or rules anyway, he had doubted he would have minded. Hearing Luka talking about his latest adventure with Viperion, basically summarizing everything Adrien already knew from his point of view, made him feel a bit guilty about not coming clean. Still, it was hard to recall that unpleasantness with Luka always ending the discussion making a comment about Chat Noir, probably catching up over the fact that Adrien was also a ‘fan’. Knowing that such a charming boy like Luka considered his pun machine alter ego attractive, stating that the only blondie with green eyes as handsome he knew was Adrien, was definitely a good way to end the day.

Then, that had happened. Apparently, Hawk Moth had thought that the idea of unleashing once again Gorizilla over the powerless city of Paris was a hilarious idea. It had taken them forever to calm him down, the bodyguard had been all agitated since there had been no sign of his protegee – at least for what he knew. Cataclysm, Lucky Charm, Miraculous Ladybug, the script was old and overused and after the most tired pound it ever Adrien had called it a day, sinking into his own bed as soon as he had been home.

The unconscious was a calming place, a pleasant one, just like Luka.

Just like Luka… Luka… the date.

Out of pure will and terror he had managed to get on his feet, realizing with horror that not only he hadn’t just fallen asleep, but he was also late. Two. Hours. Late. Dread didn’t describe properly the feeling that had taken over. Begging a very annoyed looking Plagg he had launched himself into the night sky, running on all four out of pure despair. When he had arrived at the restaurant, miserably closed, Luka was leaning over the wall of the entrance that was off, humming a very mellow, very melancholic melody. And he had dressed up, for once in his life wearing something classy, a white dress shirt and a black jacket without sleeves. His hair had grown a bit in those months, enough for him to pull a little ponytail.

What a waste, Adrien had thought. What a waste on someone like him, this beautiful person lightening up as soon as he was there, running to hug him, saying that he knew there had been an akuma today and he was happy to see he was okay. Except he wasn’t, this wasn’t, it was not okay. He was taking advantage of his position, the fact that there was stuff he was keeping for himself. It wasn’t fair for himself, most importantly it wasn’t fair for him.

“And you’re okay with this?” He didn’t know what he had been implying with those words, he had felt the need to get them out. To be heard. Because Luka always listened.

The guitarist had given him a weird, aware look, holding up his hands.

“I am if you are.” Unfair. Unfair. Unfair. Nothing but that feeling of guilt had filled his heart, and Adrien had rushed in, hugging him as closely as he could. Luka had embraced back, caressing his back slowly and gently as it was his way of being, telling him that they could postpone on a day with a less dangerous akuma terrorizing the city. Adrien had kept his eyes shut, choking silent sobs against his jacket. Thinking that maybe it was okay, maybe they could still keep going like this. H was scared, besides there was no need to change anything, or even better there was no need to say something that wasn’t needed. This was enough, this could be enough.

Adrien had then opened his eyes, only to feel them pinching. From the window of the restaurant, he could see the lonely white table with two dishes and two glasses, and all around… were candles and roses. Luke remembered. He had remembered the mention of the romantic gesture the blonde had done for a girl that hadn’t gone as planned. He had remembered how Adrien had always wished for something like that for himself. He knew how much of a hopeless romantic he was. Luka knew him.

At the same time, he didn’t. He didn’t know him. It was not okay.

It was not okay, and it was not enough.

Mirror sessions were back after that, more frantic than ever but less frequent than he would have liked – he was dense he could admit, not enough to proclaim to his father or Nathalie that he was Chat Noir while in the shower. He had wished it was like preparing for a shooting, or even imagining to be an actor like mom was. The tension was nothing like. The number of warnings coming from all directions was massive, starting from how once again his friends were getting worried about him – he wasn’t going to resist the bribe of chocolate chip cookies for long –, how Ladybug had expressively told him no one was supposed to know about their real identities, how there was no telling how Luka was going to react over the fact that his date was the cat boy with whom sometimes he fought crime with – man that was a weird line to say out loud. He had found it hard to sleep, too tense to get lost into his dreams, questioning his decision all night long.

One night, after a particularly harsh internal battle between him himself and he, he had rolled over a little too much forgetting about his poor little cheese-eating friend. He had been on his way to apologize to the squished kwami, but with a single firm gesture coming from his tiny arm Plagg had gotten him to shut up, eyes widened and extremely pissed.

“You’re telling him.” His eyelid had twitched a little. Right, he had kept him awake as well. “I don’t care what Ladybug says, I don’t care what Tikki says, you’re telling him.”

“Huh, okay?”

“It’s not a question Adrien, it’s an order. Do it or else you won’t find Atlantis that much of a natural disaster.” Wasn’t for experience he would have doubted that this tiny guy was able of much. Good thing he did have precedents, so Adrien had opted to nod and lay down once again. Following orders was still pretty normal for him anyway. “… besides…” Plagg had scooted closer to him, nudging against his shoulder while closing his eyes. “No secret is worth taking away your happiness, kid.” Adrien had found no problem sleeping from then on.

At last, after a bit more of self-convincing, it had all come down on the matter of when. Adrien wasn’t exactly sure if the news was particularly good or bad, consequentially he had no idea if the reveal had to be organized during a joyful or tense situation. Was a date a good idea? Or was it better to simply invite him over, or go to his house and talk? Luka was a great listener, but he didn’t always like to talk much, maybe he was going to feel pressured in the second case. He communicated better with songs… but writing a jingle about how he was a superhero in a leather suit with a ring that could pulverize the Tour Eiffel didn’t sound like a hit – maybe… or maybe it was, he had to ask Luka later if the matter was going to be solved. After so much time pondering, he had been left with nothing concrete, no ideas. He couldn’t ask his friends, nor Ladybug. Maybe this was a bad decision after all – never mind Plagg that was still glaring.

He had been trying to focus on his Chinese homework all afternoon, his mind running miles with him unable to make it stop. Then his phone had lightened up, a welcomed distraction that had blossomed into absolute delight at reading the sender’s name. Despite the migraine coming along with the situation, it was all worth it just for a chance to be with him.

Melody: Hey Sunshine

Melody: If I remember right you’re free tomorrow

Melody: Do you want to come over?

Me: Of course I do :)

Me: My schedule ends early afternoon

Me: Is the evening okay?

Melody: Perfect

Melody: Dress nice, it’s a date

Melody: A special one, for a special day

Me: Why? What’s tomorrow?

Melody: Wanna guess?

Me: …

Me: Thursday?

Melody: Ahah, well also

Melody: But also exactly one year since the Music Festival

Melody: It’s the day you and I met

Somehow while melting into an absolute puddle of tears and adoring whines, Adrien had realized that this guy was too wonderful. In his heart the last thing he wanted to do was ruining something good, especially a night Luka had prepared for him. But this wasn’t about himself anymore, this was about giving him what he deserved. Hopefully they were going to have a date still after this.

Hopefully. Adrien had tried to forget about that eventuality, at least enough to finish his homework. It had taken him a while to fall asleep that night – Plagg had simply whispered “thin ice” in a very grumpy tone.

The next day he had used all his experience as a model to look his best, raised two thumbs up at his mirror, and headed out. He had begged his bodyguard to leave him alone on this one and the big guy had actually agreed, somehow seeing his seriousness and commitment more than his father – granted that the bar was pretty low on that one. The path leading to the Liberty was not exactly short from his house, yet he had felt the absolute need to rethink everything. Perhaps to find it in himself the strength to blame himself for wanting to come clean only now. It had been a year, a year since he had met Luka. He had changed so much, his thoughts, his world, himself. He was there to make just another change and take control, it was terrifying and exciting…

…

… and there he was.

When he saw the Liberty, his stomach did that fluttering again. Pure tension and longing mixed together, because this was about him and it was making him grow terrified; but this was about him, and he loved everything that involved him. The sight of the ship covered in aromatic candles and roses with the table prepared on the bridge, the most romantic place once again, should had not surprised him after all. He still had to close his eyes for a moment to recollect himself.

Luka was waiting on the dock, smiling at him. It was such a lovely view, and when he extended his hand towards him it turned into the perfect view.

“You look amazing. You’re ready?”

He was. He finally was. Adrien sighed, shaking his head.

“I have to tell you something first.” Huh, something was wrong. The guitarist had changed expression, he looked so confused and hurt all of the su- wait. “Ah! No! Not that kind of ‘I have to tell you something’, an actual ‘I have to tell you something’!” He had practiced this moment for so long, how was it possible he had never noticed how off it sounded? Luka let out a nervous laugh. Ah, his hands were sweating already, where was Chat Noir’s confidence when he needed it? “I really need to get this out of my chest.”

“Oh, okay. I’m listening.”

“And if afterwards you have doubts about…” He didn’t like it, but he needed to state it as it was. “… all of this, I’ll understand.” He was in. He was doing it. No turning back. That most likely didn’t sit right with Luka, he wasn’t looking any less distressed.

He reached for him, grabbing one of his hand for comfort. Even though he didn’t understand, he was still doing his best to be there. Gosh, Adrien loved him, so much.

“Don’t jump to conclusions, tell me what it is and then we can talk about it.” He looked for communication in his relationships, he had told him from the start and even before, during the times they used to talk about anything and everything, waiting for the sun to set behind the bridge over the Seine. The blonde hoped they were going to talk too.

He closed his eyes again, took the deepest breath in his life, and nodded.

“It might sound crazy, but please listen to me and believe me.” Luka nodded immediately. “I…” He had composed a whole speech about how much these last months had been amazing, how he was sorry that he had kept quiet over something important for so long, and how he hoped that they could still try and be together for real. A convincing discussion slowly leading to the reveal. “… I’m Chat Noir, and I love you.” Out of all of that he had taken seven words max and blurted them out without a single thought in his head.

The cat was out of the bag, classic cat superhero style. If only that knowledge wasn’t making him feel worse. He was tense, sweating, completely still, waiting for his judgement. Every second was turning into a minute then an hour then it was getting lost into his own misty head.

It was warm outside, even at that hour.

Those long fingers clenched around his hand.

Adrien looked up. Luka was smiling tearfully at him, his blue eyes were mesmerizing. He laughed happily, then he reached for his cheek. Heartbeats echoed into the blonde’s head as he got closer, eyes narrowed but still open as to catch any kind of rejection. It hit him very very slowly that this was actually true, this out of world fantasy was not a fruit of his messed up imagination, and the moment the realization took over Adrien closed the distance between them. Wow. Luka kissed nothing like he would have expected. His hand on his cheek was careful and gentle like him, but his lips were caressing his with want and passion, like they had lost all the patience behind the moment they had met in electric need. Closeness was something Adrien had missed for such a long time and could never get enough of. Luka’s closeness was whole, real, his. He reached for his jacket, just to hold onto something and have another proof that this was happening.

They parted, and then got closer, kissing again and again, happily trapped into a bubble in which time and space couldn’t reach them. When they back away with trembling breaths, Adrien felt his lips getting immediately cold and couldn’t help himself as he reached for one last peck. Luka laughed into it, pressing back then leaning his forehead over his. There was an amount of sweetness into those eyes that it made the blonde want to look away, his sight getting all blurry.

“I love you too.” His hand was still over his face. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

The answer was the clearest of his life. It was screaming from the bottom of his stomach, it was highlighted in neon in the middle of his brain. He was almost tempted to tackle him to the ground and let his actions speak for himself – alright he needed to chill for a moment –, then confusion hit him. He… he said it, he had said it, right? He told him the truth about his identity. Then what was this lack of reaction? Where was the amazement, the fright, the confusion, even the anger? Adrien Agreste had just confessed he made a habit of running over the roofs of Paris in full cat cosplay and this was the reaction?

“I… you… what’s going on?” Luka giggled, probably still caught up with the latest nice mood. Maybe he didn’t believe the blonde, maybe he didn’t hear him at all. For a musician this talented it sounded farfetched to miss a sound, but you never knew. “I’m… I’m Chat Noir, Luka.”

The guitarist blinked, smile slowly decreasing but without disappearing.

“Yeah, I heard that.”

“As the superhero, Chat Noir.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Then why aren’t you saying anything about that?” A little shrug. The last thing he would have expected was this nonchalance. It was maddening. “I’m a superhero, I’m Chat Noir! Why aren’t you mad? You deserved to know! You should’ve known for a…” Suddenly the guitarist’s eyes were not as easy to find as before. Like they were hiding something. “… a… while…” Again, Adrien was extremely dense emotionally, and some things were harder to understand for him. But he wasn’t stupid, most important, he couldn’t ignore that little guilty grin of his taking over. “… you knew.” The pressure that had assaulted him for the last period disappeared completely, now there was only absolute shock. “You knew I was Chat Noir?!? What in the world, since when?!?”

The guitarist passed a hand over his neck, looking a little reluctant. It was a little weird of an emotion on him, on someone so on track with himself and proud of his persona. He took his hands, gently guiding him onto the bridge. That was one relief at least.

“To be honest, I was never completely sure. If you hadn’t told me I wouldn’t have known one hundred percent… but at some point I started to have my suspicions.” He led him near the rail, the moon was mirroring into the water of the Seine. His heart soared at the view. “It was the kind of thought you pay attention to only when something comes up, so I never actively tried to prove it was real.” He sounded relaxed. Perhaps he had made peace with it for a while.

Adrien nodded absently, feeling a weird limbo between relief that he wasn’t completely recognizable and that there were at least doubts in people’s minds.

“Okay, but there has to be a time when you started to think about it.”

“… there was a moment.” Once more Luka looked guilty, while smiling still. He looked at him, raising his hands. “Again, it was a doubt, not a certainty. I never actively knew for sure you were Chat Noir, okay?” The blonde frowned but nodded. “Well… remember the Desperada incident?”

He gaped, so strongly he almost chocked.

“You have a suspicion for months?!” Luka laughed a little, that managed to calm him down a little.

“An idea, a speculation, call it what you want. It got me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” He leaned against the rail, looking pensive. “We were hiding in the lockers, and while I was in there I heard you opening and closing a locker… then opening and closing a door.” Holy Miraculous he was an idiot. “When I found you with Ladybug in the sewer you left, and I got the snake Miraculous. Right after that Chat Noir was back.” He grinned, eyes lightening up. “From that moment the possibility has never really left my mind, and nothing has happened that made me think it couldn’t be real.” Of course not, Adrien was never around Chat Noir and Chat Noir was never around Adrien. It almost made sense – sure, ‘almost’.

Adrien took a few deep breaths, still recovering from that sudden reveal – a confession that did not go the way he would have expected. He looked at this guy who so calmly was taking everything in, a view that was calming like very few other things and, slowly, he smiled, joining him at admiring the Seine. He let his head fall onto his shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I was so worried about this.”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t know what to do. On one hand I didn’t want it to be true, because it made me feel anxious whenever I looked at the news and saw another dangerous akuma.” He wrapped his arm around him protectively. It felt so nice. “On the other, it was kind of an endearing thought, that the two gorgeous blondes I knew just happened to be the same person.” Gosh he was going to die, this person did not hold back with compliments with either of them.

Speaking of…

“Wait, if you were thinking about it since back then… were you teasing me on purpose whenever you talked about Chat Noir in front of me?” Whoa, he had to take in the fact that this very zen guitarist was able to make such a suggestive smile. I made his entire face burn. “Oh my gosh.”

“You were always blushing whenever I did it, I couldn’t help myself.”

“For real??”

“It was too adorable. At that point either you were really him or you found him attractive as well… which I would’ve understood.”

“Stooop!!” Adrien covered his eyes, his heart bursting out of his chest, laughing out what was left of his fear. “… you really don’t care? I’m the one who asked you out, not Chat Noir.” A bit a sadness made him step away just a little. “And people like me better when I’m not him…”

“If people aren’t into you when you’re a blonde superhero with a sexy catsuit, maybes there’s something wrong with them. I suggest blindness.” It got him to laugh. Luka brought him closer, arms around him. “Besides, there aren’t two people here. You are Adrien, and you are Chat Noir. Being a superhero is a part of you. And I love it, because it makes you… you.” Truly sincerity was his biggest quality. Adrien didn’t doubt a word that had come out of his mouth. He leaned his head into the crook of his shoulder.

“Are you sure?” Luka nodded, his hair tickling his cheek.

Then he pulled away. He put a finger under his chin, raising it up. Their eyes met. There was such a calm, comfortable world behind those blue globes. It made him want to never leave.

“You’re a rare symphony, Adrien Agreste, one that had been kept hidden for far too long. I wanna hear that song, your soul, finally free to be heard. I want to know its beauty, because the echo alone is astonishing.” He knew him. He knew all of him. “The kind and selfless to a fault, the professional and determinate model, the mischievous and enchanting superhero, these are all notes that play in your life, that make your life. And I wanna be part of that song, if you will let me.” He pressed another, shorter kiss on his lips, as to seal this moment forever into his body, forever into his heart.

There was no way Adrien would have been able to stop tears. Luka gulped. The blonde smiled, a horribly wide, unsophisticated curve that would have made all of his photographers shudder at the same time. Perhaps that was why it felt so immensely good.

“You… y-you’re not allowed to say you’re not good with words after this.”

The guitarist laughed, relieved, holding him closer.

“It’s a yes then, Sunshine?” Adrien smiled, reaching forward again, thinking that there was no imaginary world of his able to replicate this.

“It’s a yes, Melody.”

This was pure, unparalleled, wholesome reality.

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 5 – Hey, Soul Sister: Who is Eurus?

Do you get it? She’s his sister? But metaphorically, she’s a part of his soul? I was very impressed with myself for this title. Anyway…

This chapter of the meta is going to deal with the various times we meet Eurus before TFP and what this might mean, which will help us to understand who she is once we have stripped off the disguises.

Before series 4, we had real!characters and MP!characters set up as distinct entities, particularly in TSoT, which distinguishes between MP!Mycroft (the deducing brain) and real!Mycroft, as well as MP!Irene representing desire and real!Irene, who doesn’t come near the episode. The MP section in TSoT, for a lot of people in the fandom, broke down Sherlock’s psyche into MP!John vs. MP!Mycroft – and John is clearly winning.

However, I want to suggest that Sherlock’s psyche isn’t nearly so straightforward as a tug of war between the brain and the heart. Whilst MP!Mycroft undoubtedly represents the oppressively reasonable part of Sherlock’s psyche, that’s not the only thing repressing him – it can’t be. If it were simply a rejection of ‘sentiment’, this wouldn’t be the powerful queer love story we know it to be – there is a lot more internalised homophobia being dealt with than just love being illogical. That’s where Eurus comes in.

Eurus and Mycroft are parallel oppressive forces in Sherlock’s brain, but they’re oppressive in different ways. Having family members and childhood trauma be the psyche’s symbols for repression is particularly poignant in a queer love story, for obvious reasons. However, I want to take you through my reasoning behind Eurus being the most secret and troubled part of Sherlock’s soul.

The first clue is that her prison is called Sherrinford. We all assumed that the third Holmes sibling was going to be Sherrinford back before s4, and it seemed that way in the beginning, with Mycroft mentioning speaking to Sherrinford several times, construing it as a person rather than a place. This is no coincidence – for those who aren’t familiar with the history of the stories, Conan Doyle’s original name for his protagonist was Sherrinford Holmes, which he later changed to Sherlock. That Eurus is trapped inside Sherrinford is a clear suggestion that Eurus is something that’s trapped inside Sherlock – a dangerous MP entity. More important than that, Sherrinford is the version of Holmes that never made it into the books. Plenty of people have worked on queering the Holmes canon and working out what ACD might have been implying and leaving out and arguably none more so in an adaptation that Mofftiss. Let’s think about the implications of this. A kind of second self, not shown to the public, buried inside your mind and forgotten since childhood, which is bursting out into a moment of acute psychological distress. Gee, I don’t know what that could be about. The Sherlock that Sherlock thinks he is has thus far been dominated by MP!Mycroft, but this series is about uniting canon!Holmes with the non-canon, queer Sherrinford who has always existed, judging by the name, and who is currently dominated by the destructive MP!Eurus. The other important point to note here is that Sherrinford is an island in the middle of the sea – that’s not a coincidence, given how much water imagery abounds in this series. I spoke briefly in Chapter 2 X about how water represents Sherlock sinking deeper and deeper into his own subconsciousness – this is the deepest he can go. In Greek mythology, Eurus was the name of the wind most associated with causing storms at sea X – this isn’t a coincidence either. She’s very deliberately tied in with water.

(In real life terms, of course, all this means that a real!Eurus probably does or did exist in some form, although I can’t begin to hazard a guess about this. However, I’m trying to refer to her as MP!Eurus when she’s in her normal form in the MP, in case we get a series 5 with Sian Brooke as real!Eurus, and also to distinguish her from therapist!Eurus etc.)

This is my reasoning as to why MP!Eurus represents Sherlock’s innermost trauma. She is not merely the fact that he loves John – he deduced this in TSoT without her appearance. She is the trauma that he needs to come to terms with. A running theme through our analysis of Eurus will be that her gender is particularly important; her representation of Sherlock’s repression cannot be but as a woman, because for most of s4 he is only able to process his identity through the most heterosexual of lenses. We see this hinted at quite early on in TST, when Sherlock takes on a case called ‘The Duplicate Man’, warning John that it is never twins. The word ‘duplicate’ here, removing twins, leaves us with the only real possibility that it is in fact the same person. Eurus’s gender makes that more difficult to see; she needs to be female, but it’s much more difficult to elide the two characters without employing a Cumberbatch doppelganger. However, this hint that Eurus is not only male but an actual ‘duplicate’ of her brother should give us pause for thought. With this in mind, I want to use the rest of this chapter to analyse her three forms before TFP.

1.)    Faith!Eurus

I’m certainly not the first to point out that Faith!Eurus is a mirror for John, nor will I be the last – people jumped on it pretty much as soon as TLD aired. There are a few good reasons for this. Firstly, she walks with a cane, a throwback to ASiP – in case we’d forgotten, however, Sherlock has a flashback to John walking with a cane to make the link explicit. We are supposed to link these two characters, the authors are saying pretty clearly. Faith!Eurus is also suicidal, which John was at the start of ASiP, as made clear by the fact he carried a gun – and Faith!Eurus does the same. Sherlock also takes her out for food (for more on the food/sex metaphor, see here X) which he doesn’t with anyone bar John, and we certainly never see him talk so easily with someone who isn’t John. An eagle-eyed tumblr post that I can’t find now also broke my heart in pointing out that Faith!Eurus’s unseen self-harm matches long-sleeved John Watson a little too well.

This isn’t just the show trying to remind us of what John was like in ASiP, however. MP!Eurus is the trauma prodding Sherlock’s sexuality – it’s going to be hell to get through it, but he absolutely needs to do it. This is Sherlock’s trauma, not reminding him that John was suicidal, but forcing him to acknowledge it in the first place, something which Sherlock has buried. We know this because of the way the image of John forces its way into Sherlock’s mind – it’s much like the way Moriarty breaks into TAB. His brain is making a connection that he’s not quite capable of making and it’s knocking him. His deduction that Faith!Eurus is suicidal is accompanied by that image of John, and he then re-enacts the food ritual he completed with John the evening John left his cane behind, before throwing Faith!Eurus’s gun into the Thames – proving that it was Sherlock himself who stopped John from taking his own life.

This is trauma, however, and Sherlock can’t process it in full – hence why the image of John that breaks in is shaky, and Sherlock tries to push it out of his head. It’s also why Faith!Eurus, who in Sherlock’s subconscious could take any form, specifically takes the form of a woman. His gay trauma means that he first has to process John’s suicidal ideation in a heterosexual dynamic, before fully grasping and applying it to his relationship with John. (Chapter 9 X explains how that plays out over the rest of TLD in full detail.)

2.)   E!Eurus

Taking a jump back to surface level plot here, the first thing that grabbed me about E!Eurus was just how minor John’s flirtation with her was. In the terms of a television show which really rides on very high drama (multiple faked deaths and insane cliffhangers for a start), the emotional peak of John’s emotional arc with Mary being that he texted another woman – not went out for lunch, not kissed, not slept with – is bizarre, particularly when we know next to nothing about E!Eurus at this point. It’s incredibly anti-climactic as a means of John falling short of Mary’s view of him. Maybe we can accept it as in line with John Moral-Principles Watson, but it’s difficult to accept as in keeping with the nature of a show whose intent is nearly always to shock.

With this in mind, let’s delve back into the MP to see how that might give this moment greater emotional significance. Chapter 10 X is on the hug scene, and that will deal with John’s revelation of his infidelity in greater detail. For the moment, the most important thing to remember is that John Watson is not real!John – he is heart!John. In other words, we are seeing a similarly heterosexualised re-enactment of Sherlock’s relationship with John.

I will talk a lot in Chapter 10 X about how MP!Mary is linked to Sherlock’s compulsory heterosexuality; at the end of TST, Sherlock substitutes Mary’s body for his because he cannot conceive of John’s queer grief without breaking himself. This is interesting because the E of Eurus actually stands for Elizabeth in this scene (certainly in the credits, and possibly elsewhere, although I can’t remember Sian Brooke actually saying it). Elizabeth is Elizabeth is Mary’s middle name in BBC Sherlock, which looks like another of those shared name links our creators love so well. If so, this begins to justify how Sherlock’s heart is conceiving of its emotions. We will see in TLD that heart!John’s relationship with fem!John in the form of Eurus is aligned with Sherlock’s sexual desire in the form of MP!Irene. Both are hidden and exist only in texts – i.e., they cannot be spoken yet. But they will be.

 3.)    Therapist!Eurus

This one is perhaps the most straightforward on a symbolism level, but also possibly the most significant moment in the series. Therapist!Eurus, plain and simple, is Sherlock’s trauma prodding at John, interrogating him like a therapist would, trying to work him out – and largely failing, right? She can get basically nothing about how he feels about Sherlock out of him. But this is part of MP!Eurus’s ongoing project to get Sherlock to wake up – the Gay Trauma is interrogating John, trying to suss him, and failing.

Except, in the final scene of TLD, without the help of Therapist!Eurus, Sherlock has finally sussed John – it has taken until Culverton’s confession to recognise that John is suicidal without Sherlock (Chapter 9 X). The sigh of relief that is the hug scene (Chapter 10 X) is a kind of acknowledgement of that relief that he’s finally worked out what he’s been trying to cover up with drugs – so much so, that he misses the obvious, which is that John is suicidal again. When John leaves his cane with Sherlock in the hospital, it is a reminder of the first time he is suicidal, and Sherlock doesn’t make the immediate leap in his comatose haze that this is what his psyche has been trying to tell him. Hence you have this moment of immense relief and fade out at the end of the hug scene which suggests the end of the episode, and could feasibly end Sherlock’s life, except we’re started awake with a much more abrupt and troubling ending scene – Therapist!Eurus shooting John. Because, of course, if Sherlock is gone again, John must be suicidal again, and it has taken a few scenes of cognitive dissonance for this to clock. Indeed, it’s not Sherlock himself who clocks – Gay Trauma in the form of Eurus!Therapist returns and shoots John for us. This shooting isn’t, of course, permanent (in one of the worst cliffhanger resolutions in TV history), but that’s because it’s not real – it hasn’t happened yet. It is Sherlock, through MP!Eurus, finally recognising the problem – John.

This is particularly poignant in light of the opening and closing shots of TLD. Although there’s the fucky not-blood red that fills the screen at the end of TLD, apart from that the shots of Norbury shooting Mary and Therapist!Eurus shooting John are one and the same shot. It’s also a stylish shot (what I call split screen, but given that I never went to film school I think that’s just my name for it) and it’s repeated enough times over TLD that it’s pretty clear the creatives want it to be memorable. By the time John gets shot, then, we shouldn’t be caught up in the drama of it – we should be thinking, as so many did, “something’s fucky.”

And it is – but it’s brilliantly fucky! Head over to Chapter 7 X if you want to read about Norbury shooting Mary, but TLDR it’s a metaphor for Mary shooting Sherlock as understood from Sherlock’s warped and depressed perspective – and he’s finally realised what it means! The version in which Mary shooting Sherlock means John losing Mary (the Norbury version) is one in which John is sad, goes to therapy, and the world moves on. Now, however, that Sherlock has recognised that John was suicidal, he can also recognise that Mary shooting Sherlock will make John suicidal again – hence why it’s the same shot. Mary shooting Sherlock is the same as John dying – and the latter is much more important in Sherlock’s mind.

[It’s worth noting that the identical shots we see in TST and TLD don’t match the shot in HLV, although admittedly that one’s not in the MP – it does strike me, however, that the sounds are reversed – HLV sounds like a dart, whereas the MP shots sound like bullets. If anyone has any thoughts on that, do let me know – it has me flummoxed for the moment. If you want meta explaining why the shot from TST is the same as HLV, Chapter 7 is here X, and I’m certainly not the first to hypothesise this. For me, the TLD shot being the same is therefore a logical extension.]

[bumblebeug]

Felinette. Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me Pt. 4

Hello Everyone! I wrote a really long chapter, I hope you enjoy it. @7701deathlyhalfbloodprincess, @captainmac6, @iwantswifttoblessmysoul, @lady-flora-of-slytherin -Thank you so much for your support! And @dargeon-lissa, thank you for replying to my question all the way back at part two! 

So without further adieu:

Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me Pt. 4 

“Oh, mother,” Lila whispered hoarsely, “I’m sure I’ll feel much better by lunch.”

Her mother’s brows drew together in concern, “Darling, don’t push yourself too hard. You don’t want to make what you have any worse.”

Lila sat up lightly from her position in bed, “Of course Mother.” She blew her nose delicately, “I promise that if I don’t feel up to it, I won’t go. I’d hate for anyone to get sick because of me.”

Mrs. Rossi bent forward and smoothed her daughter’s bangs to the side and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I know dear, that’s what makes you my special girl.”

Eyes closed, Lila leaned into her mother’s kiss and breathed in deeply. Instead of wearing the perfume that Lila spent weeks picking out, her mother was wearing the one her boyfriend had chosen. She wrinkled her nose. She had forgotten that he was back in Italy. Waiting to take her mother’s precious time away from her again. If Lila got her way – which she was sure she would, he would soon be a forgotten memory for her mother too.

Too soon for Lila’s liking, her mother pulled away softly exclaiming, “Oh my. Is that the time?” as she checked her watch. Mrs. Rossi planted another kiss atop Lila’s head, “Dear, remember to keep your liquids up – I have another late night again, but there’s soup in the fridge.”

Mrs. Rossi paused at her daughter’s doorframe, “I love you. Please feel better.”

“I love you too Mother – don’t worry about me; I’ll be just fine.” Lila called to her retreating back and listened to the click of the front door. Lila meant it too; she always turned up on top. She got what she wanted. And right now, she wanted Felix wrapped around her finger like all the others at school. Yesterday’s research had been a failure, Lila thought as she opened her laptop, but today she would discover what the mysterious new boy liked.

----------

Marinette woke up with her first alarm feeling energized and practically sprang from the confines of her sheets. All thanks to Adrien, yesterday had been amazing, she thought dreamily. Well. It had been overall amazing. At first, everything had been a little stiff and awkward but as the day wore on, she gradually stopped worrying that everything would fall apart. It had felt good to be with everyone again. With luck, she thought as she brushed her hair, today would be a repeat. She caught her eye in the mirror as she was tying her hair into her customary pigtails. Hmm. Maybe she could shake it up a bit.

~

Marinette held a fresh box of croissants and waved goodbye to her parents as she left the bakery. She was proud of herself – she had finished up the notes that Felix requested, got to braid her hair, and, best of all, there was a chance she would be able to sit with her friends again today. After all, maybe Lila really was sick. The chill morning air hit her face pleasantly as she walked.

With a giggle, Tikki flew up to Marinette’s shoulder, “You look like you’re going to start dancing in the streets, Marinette.”

Grinning, Marinette gave a little twirl, “I can’t help it! Look how well today is already going. I finished Felix’s notes, sketched out a phenomenal jacket for Jagged, and I even woke up with the first alarm!”

“Not to mention enough time to make your hair so pretty.” Tikki stroked a lock of her French plait. “I told you that everything would work out.”

Marinette giggled at Tikki’s smug expression, “Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” She stroked Tikki’s forehead with her finger, “Patience and sacrifice pay off in the end. Don’t let it inflate your big head.”

Tikki swatted Marinette’s finger in mock outrage, “My head is not big! It’s perfectly kwami sized!”

Marinette rolled her eyes and held her hands up in surrender, “Of course.”

Tikki nestled against Marinette’s neck, not willing to go back in the purse, but wanting to ward off the morning air all the same.

“Hey Tikki?” Marinette’s carefree attitude slipped a little.

“Mmm?”

“Do you think that Hawk Moth is planning something again? Something big?” Marinette gripped a strap of her backpack and dropped her voice, “Like Hero’s Day?”

Just because the class had become more balanced of late, didn’t mean that the rest of Paris was. Every day it was full of frustrated, upset people. The fact that Hawk Moth had scaled back so drastically made her feel antsy. The lack of akumas made Marinette feel uncomfortable like there was an itch that she couldn’t reach. Tikki plucked at the tense fingers to loosen their grip,

“If he is planning something, we’ll be ready for him. You have grown so much since we’ve been together – I know that we’ll be able to handle whatever he throws at us.”

“Yeah… you’re right,” Marinette straightened her shoulders, “We can do anything as long as we’re together.”

They neared the gates of the school.

“You better hid now though. School awaits.”

Tikki gave Marinette one last pat before diving into the opened purse.

-------------

Gabriel Agreste silenced his alarm before dragging his hand down his face. He hadn’t slept last night. Or the night before last for that matter. As of late, his days were a consistent sludge. The upcoming fashion show was eating him alive. He had spent so much time as Hawk Moth, he hadn’t been designing – brushing it off as a future concern. But now the fashion show was practically on top of him and he had very little to show for it.

Groaning, he rang Nathalie and requested she bring him the strongest caffeinated beverage she could find. Cursing himself, he looked over his sketchbook and cursed himself for ignoring the schedule Nathalie had set up for him so many months back. He couldn’t reschedule the show – it would be too suspicious. Enjoy your free time while you can Ladybug, Gabriel thought bitterly. Right now, there was no time for villainy – not when his reputation was on the line.

------------

Felix tapped his pen against his desk, thinking. The student representative had certainly been affected by the change in seating yesterday – her shoulder’s, which had been stiffly pulled back in the morning, had relaxed into a more confident pose as the day wore on. Still. There had been something off – just a flicker of unease that held her back. He wondered what it was. A small part of him hoped that it was some kind of epic intrigue. A secret side to her that she was hiding, keeping her from being her true self. But he dismissed the thought almost as soon as it came. Just because he had moved to a place inhabited by superheroes and villains, didn’t mean that everyone’s life was just as fantastical as the city they lived in.

Today his interaction with her had been brief. She apologized for the delay in notes and offered him a croissant. He declined the croissant, he had the model-standard strict diet, but accepted the notes. Then, nonplussed, she left for the seat she sat in yesterday and that was that. Looks like today is another one of observation he thought as he brought his thermos to his lips.

-----------

Alya gave Marinette a sly smile as she took a croissant, “Trying to doll it up for our resident sunshine boy?”

Marinette blushed, she hadn’t had Adrien in mind when she changed up her hair – but now her mind started to race with possibilities. Adrien might compliment her hair and if she could manage to keep her cool, then they might start dating. And years from now today would be remembered as their anniversary of first getting together. And –

Alya snapped her fingers in Marinette’s face, “Whoa girl, careful – don’t get lost in la-la land so early in the morning, we might never get you back.”

~

“Girl, don’t look now but Mr. Icicle is burning a hole in the back of your head again. You say something to piss him off or something?”

“Pft. No way, Marinette is sweet as sugar – what could she have done to piss him off in the three days he’s been here?” Nino laughed.

Marinette started to turn around only to be stopped by Alya’s firm hand on her shoulder, “What did I just say?”

Alya continued, “Let��s review the facts: first, he’s barely said five words to anyone here! Second, he completely rebuffs any attempt at conversation. Third, he rejected a croissant.” Alya bit into her own for emphasis, “How on earth could anyone with a soul resist one of these? Even Mr. Top Model’s willpower isn’t that strong.” She gestured towards him, “Look – he’s trying to sneak one as I speak.”

Adrien abruptly snatched his hand out of the box, looking abashed, “Well… you said it yourself – Felix didn’t want one, so that means that there’s extra.”

Marinette rested her hands on her cheeks, Adrien was so cute it should be illegal. She knew she wouldn’t be able to speak so she just nodded when he turned a pleading gaze on her.

“Thanks, Marinette!” Adrien said as he helped himself.

Nino glanced up towards the back, feeling uneasy. Felix really was just staring at the group with an unreadable expression. He didn’t like the way that Felix’s gaze lingered on Marinette in particular. “Hey,” he stated cautiously, “Marinette.”

“Mhm?” Marinette replied, still recovering her speaking faculties.

“Alya’s right. He really is focusing some major lasers on you right now.” He pushed his glasses up, “You’ll tell us if he does anything weird…right?”

Marinette’s eyes widened, where was all of this coming from? Did he unsettle everyone that much?  Alya flicked the rim of Nino’s hat down, “What this goofball is trying to say is that Adrien told us that he has a bit of a reputation in the modeling world as being a jerk and that you should watch out.”

“The worst thing I’ve done is give him some notes late.” Marinette tried to turn around again only to be thwarted again by Alya.

“Uh-huh, no way – ” Alya was cut off as Adrien interrupted, “Actually, that might be enough to get on Felix’s bad side. He is… a little temperamental.”

Nino drew her attention again, “Look all I’m saying is that he gives off a weird vibe. Alright?”

Marinette felt a warmth blossom in her chest, Nino really was the right choice for the turtle miraculous. All he wanted to do was protect his friends. Marinette solemnly drew her hand up to her heart, “Nino, I promise that if he does anything I don’t like – I will tell you straight away.”

---------

Sometimes, Felix forgot that books weren’t loud. That no one but he could hear the klaxons blaring as the two intrepid heroes made their desperate escape from the deadly, evil Overlord. For him, once properly engaged, the noise of the action would drown out the meaningless chatter around him until he was running down the hallway with the heroes – listening to them as they planned and worried for their safety.

His total engagement with the text meant that any outside distraction was, to say the least, upsetting as he was jarred back into the real world. The sound would abruptly cut out for a disorienting moment and the characters would fade back into the typeface. It was always incredibly aggravating to be ripped away from a story like that.

“Sorry.” A voice said. Only it didn’t sound sorry at all. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to say how much I loved that novel.”

Felix placed his thumb on the page and looked up.

“I’m Lila Rossi, by the way.” She smiled wide, “I was the last new kid to transfer here, so I hope that we will become best friends!” She thrust her hand out to shake.

Felix flicked his eyes to her hand briefly before returning to his book. Hopefully, if he made an example out of Rossi then no one else would try to interrupt him while he read. Obviously, his hope was in vain; he made it a paragraph before she started speaking again.

“Oh! I can understand why you would want to get back to it – it’s just such a good book!” She simpered, “If you want, I could get you a signed autograph from the author the next time I see him…I was recently selected as the voice for the audiobook.”

That got his attention.

Felix trained his eyes on her, “Do go on.”

Lila grinned like the cat that got the canary, “Oh yes. I was a volunteer reader at a hospital one weekend and wouldn’t you know it? The author also happened to be visiting at the same hospital! He heard me reading his book and loved how I read it so much that I was offered on the spot to read for the audiobook!” She finished brightly.

“Well,” Felix cocked and eyebrow and pulled his lips into a half smile, “Isn’t this just a happy occurrence?”

The five minute warning bell went off and students began to file in from lunch.

“You better go to your seat Miss Rossi.” Felix said sotto voce, “Wouldn’t want to be late.”

Rossi giggled and sauntered away.

----------

Marinette fought off a groan of disappointment; Lila was back. She turned her eyes heavenward as if to ask why the gods hated her. Guess it was too much to hope for a day as perfect as yesterday. But maybe, she thought as she eyed Lila striking up a conversation with Felix, this was a hidden opportunity?

“Do you think it would be alright if I stayed here? Just for today?” Marinette timidly asked her friends.

Alya sighed, “C’mon girl, you know that Lila needs this seat.”

Marinette felt her shoulders sag slightly, knowing it was a lost battle as Adrien averted his gaze and Nino nodded along with Alya. She didn’t understand why he let them believe her lies.

The warning bell rang.

“Oh Marinette,” Lila greeted with false enthusiasm as she approached, “Do you want to finish today with your friends? I could always sit in the back with Felix.”

“Oh, but Lila,” Marinette answered in the same tone, “Don’t you have terrible hearing difficulty?”

She had her! Lila was contradicting herself!

Lila’s smile was shark-like, “It turns out that my hearing issue was a longstanding symptom of what I was sick with yesterday. But I’m much better now and would be happy to move for today! He and I already have so much in common.” Lila continued slyly, “Plus, I would love to get to know Felix more and share some of the things I wish I had known when I first got here.”

Marinette grit her teeth through her smile. She should have seen that coming.

“That sounds like it was serious.” Marinette pulled her phone out, “Would you mind telling me the name of the disease, so I can look at the symptoms? I wouldn’t want to be caught off guard.”

“I – It’s rare.” Lila hand waved, “I must have gotten it from my extensive travels.”

“I just want to know the name of what you had.” Marinette pressed, “Unless you made it up?”

“Marinette!” Alya spoke up, “That’s enough. If it’s rare then the name is probably long and hard to remember, right Lila?”

“I’m sorry I don’t remember Marinette,” Lila’s eyes started to well up, “I’ve just been suffering for so long with it, the relief of having it gone is so strong that I don’t even want to think about it anymore.”

Alya stood between Marinette and Lila to place a comforting hand on the latter’s shoulder. “Hey,” She said softly, “It’s ok. We understand.” And sent a sharp look at Marinette. “She made a nice offer. What do you say? Swap for a day?”

Marinette’s eyes darted from the empty seat to empty seat, feeling her pulse start to ebb. She bit her lip as she thought about it. It was tempting. It was what Marinette wanted. And that’s what so obviously made it a trap. She turned over what Lila said before Marinette challenged her sickness and the big picture clicked into place. Marinette felt her resolve harden – she had to warn Felix that Lila was a lying snake.

She picked up her bag. “Actually Lila, thank you but no thank you – I should sit in my assigned seat.”

Lila’s face crumpled, “I can’t believe you don’t want me to make new friends.”

Marinette placed her foot on the first step.

“I cannot believe that you would be this petty Marinette.” Alya hissed.

Marinette’s shoulders hunched but she continued upwards.

-----------------

“She’s a liar, you know,” hissed a voice in his left ear, “Whatever she told you – it’s a lie.”

Startled, Felix realized that Marinette was sitting beside him once more. When he frowned at her, she tensed like she was preparing for a fight. His frown deepened further in response, “I’m not an idiot, thank you very much. I know a liar when I hear one.”

“How?” she demanded.

“How?” Felix questioned back sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Pretty easy to tell it’s a lie when the author of my book has been dead for the last 20 years.”

Her laughter caught him off guard.

She couldn’t help it; the relief of having someone know that Lila was a liar paired with his deadpan delivery was too much for her. The laugh that followed came straight up from her stomach and through her mouth.

“Personally,” Felix leaned closer and murmured, “I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she realizes her mistake.”

Tears of mirth formed in Marinette’s eyes as she laughed helplessly. This was too perfect.

--------------

This was more what he pictured Dupain-Cheng to be like. Mirthful.

He knew that no one who wore as much pink as she did could be as serious a person as she first presented as. Felix found that he liked it better when Dupain-Cheng looked like she fully enjoying herself. He hadn’t actually meant to be funny, but once she started laughing, an impish desire had him leaning forward deliberately to see how hard he could make her laugh.

“Do you think she’ll be able to look me in the eyes once she learns?”

He grinned as the tears started to escape down her cheeks.

“How long do you think it’ll be before she can?” He practically purred.

“Twenty –”   Marinette gasped, “Twenty years!” and promptly collapsed back into giggles.

His smile was toothy and full. This was too fun, he thought and raised his voice so Dupain-Cheng could hear him over her own noise, “Now quiet, you are going to disrupt class.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

“It’s nice to actually meet you.” Felix said more quietly now that she had herself mostly under control.

“Nice to meet you too.” Marinette sniffled back. She hadn’t laughed, truly laughed, like that in ages. It had felt good to sit with her friends but it felt better to be believed. Tikki was right again, Marinette thought ruefully, she wasn’t alone.

“Let’s be friends,” Marinette said a little impulsively.

“For twenty years,” Felix said warmly by way of agreement and watched with amusement how red Marinette turned as she tried to reign in her composure once more.

-----------

Part One 

Part Two 

Part Three 

Part Five 

Whew! Glad you guys got through it. Gotta admit, there are some parts that I’m not completely happy with, but if I don’t post it now, I never will. 

And fun fact! The scene where Felix is making fun of Lila is one of the scenes that initially inspired me to buck up and finally start writing. 

Comments, questions, and critiques are welcome. Also, if you want to be tagged for the next part - don’t hesitate to let me know!

[alamhigyoooo]

AS PROMISED - talk to me about your OT3!! ♥ I wanna know it all!! Does it take long before they are all on board? How do Raha and Aymeric get into each other? Does it start physical or are there feelings involved quickly? Tell me about their dynamic with each other and with Hallura \o/

aHHHHHOOOOOOOOO BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY EVERYONE STRAP IN FOR A LONG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! g’raha x hallura x aymeric is HERE

sticking this under the cut because i’m about to unleash an essay on yall about my ot3 but read on if you wish to find out more about them...

spoilers for 5.3!!!

so immediately after bringing g’raha and the scions back to the source, hallura has a total breakdown in private about how suddenly she has to live with extremely deep love for two people with BOTH of those people now very present in her life (for anyone who doesn’t know i had an extreme crisis about hallura’s endgame ship which i detailed, in part, in this chapter’s comment section) 

to recap hallura’s love life until this point: she fell in love with raha and planned to propose to him before he locked himself into the crystal tower, and then during the events of heavensward started sleeping with aymeric as a coping mechanism. eventually feelings were admitted and they started seeing each other seriously in secret; hallura proposed at the end of stormblood and then they went public with their relationship after the ghimlyt dark. THEN hallura got summoned to the first and discovered her first true love who she definitely never stopped loving was alive and also was very much in love with her, and since then she’s been carrying a guilt over having feelings for two people and it’s been eating away at her

BUT YOU CAME HERE FOR AYMERIC AND G’RAHA’S ROMANCE...so let us begin :)

they actually get to know each other when hallura kind of goes awol on both of them; once raha was done convalescing (she stayed by him every day) hallura went back to aymeric and spent one night with him but was totally silent the whole time, and then the next day she was gone off to ghimlyt to deal with the threat of the sapphire weapon.

except she didn’t come back right after that, or after a few days, and only through the grapevine did either raha or aymeric find out that she’d then jumped over to gangos to help the bozjan resistance. aymeric actually took a trip to the rising stones in secret, where he was found by raha, and that was the first time they met each other...aymeric wasn’t sure what to think (i wouldn’t say he felt threatened but he was definitely uncomfortable) and raha was extremely embarrassed but secretly very enchanted by aymeric (catboy got MAD flustered over him he could 100% see why hallura would choose aymeric)

aymeric learned a long time ago from thancred who g’raha was, though i don’t think he realized how deeply hallura loved raha still, and when aymeric would pay visits to the scions post-5.3, alphinaud and alisaie filled him in on what happened on the first since hallura could never bring herself to, and piece by piece aymeric started to understand just how much hallura was probably breaking over her feelings

and meanwhile raha was dealing with his own internal struggle upon returning to his new body, wherein his more temperate crystal exarch persona was failing to overcome the more hot-blooded g’raha tia’s still-fresh feelings for hallura and in typical g’raha tia fashion he decided to do something extremely stupid and punish/restrain himself by ensuring he saw aymeric as much as possible to remind himself how he didn’t fit into the picture anymore...

it’s during this time (a few months i’d say) that they kind of just get to know each other...and i think honestly aymeric falls first? i talk a lil bit about it here; raha is super hopeful and positive and just everything that brings out the best in aymeric, and aymeric quickly understands just why hallura loved g’raha so much. he drinks big Respect Hallura juice, and even though it’s hard for him to admit, he agrees with her taste - raha is a wonderful person who has a lot of love to give, and pretty soon aymeric is like oh god. oh fuck. well. i guess we’re going in! (definitely inspired to be a little chaotic romantically because of hallura, but the chaotic bi energy was there to begin with) 

raha’s a lot slower on the uptake re: self-penance, but once aymeric sets his sights on wooing raha it’s over for the catboy...raha is too much of a romantic and too SWEET to not just freakin swoon over a tall elegant dark-haired man actively attempting to Get Him. like aymeric he is also very much approving of hallura’s taste, but unlike aymeric he also denies himself hope - so basically we just have aymeric courting (discreetly) raha; the other scions are kind of surprised to see hallura’s paramours getting along so well in her absence but hey man if it works it works and better that then to have them fight yo

but all this time hallura is GONE like she just....she’s gone lol

she only chooses to return to eorzea (a HOT minute later) to break off her engagement with aymeric because she was so so guilty about loving raha still - but she didn’t break it off to leave for raha. she’s determined to give up on relationships altogether and just be single for the rest of her life because she’s certain she’ll never get over either of them, but neither of them deserve to live in what SHE thinks is limbo while she fights her own feelings.

so surprise surprise when she returns and finds both aymeric and g’raha absolutely chilling with each other in ishgard at the borel manor and they’re both reading by the fireplace and she comes in and sees them and they’re both so so happy to see her, and her perfectly rehearsed rejection just evaporates from her mind and she tries to run away again because this has to be some kind of sick joke - 

in this ot3 i attribue most of the communication to aymeric, and he, while thrilled to see her again, straight up is like “no you sit down we’re having a talk right now” and she confesses on the spot she has to leave him and can’t be engaged to him because it’s not fair to him that she’ll never get over raha - which is ALSO a confession to raha that she still loves him (and let’s be real it was clear that she did but g’raha is a river in egypt called de nile and never let himself believe it)

there’s a lot of crying involved; aymeric is obviously upset because he doesn’t want to not be engaged to hallura, and he tells her on the spot that she can’t do that because that’s not fair, and all he wants is for them to talk to each other, and they’re both kneeling on the floor and he’s clutching her shoulders and that’s when raha just gently touches both of them and says he’ll just leave...it’s his fault they’re falling apart like this

and both hallura and aymeric both ADAMANTLY say “NO!” and latch onto him, and then all three of them are crying on the floor and there’s lots of apologies and none of them really know how much time has passed, but eventually they cry themselves out and it ends with hallura’s head in aymeric’s lap and she’s holding raha’s hand and aymeric and raha are sitting beside each other...raha is so exhausted he’s leaning against aymeric’s shoulder

and hallura breaks the silence after a while and says “so where do we go now?” because it’s very obvious that there is no going back to the way things were, and that’s when aymeric clears his throat and admits (with embarrassment) that he’d be open to trying something with all three of them

raha is like Excuse me? and hallura sits up bc what the heck has she missed, and aymeric then admits further that he’s caught feelings for raha and has even slightly been trying to court raha...much to raha’s embarrassment he’s like “you were WHAT? so i wasn’t just imagining it?”

and hallura is like...she can’t even be mad because a) that’s exactly her own dilemma and b) that’s also really hot,,, but while she would be happy to do it everything hinges on g’raha’s consent; and it takes raha a moment to process but honestly when presented with two open hands waiting for him (him, not just any third party) he cannot help but take them with a smile. and i think this is really important for g’raha because hallura and aymeric BOTH actively express interest in HIM, for who he is, there is room in the relationship that can only be filled by raha, and raha is someone who wants so very desperately to belong.

so of course he says yes, and that’s how the ot3 is really born. there’s some more talking about things - living arrangements, scolding hallura for ghosting them for like 3 months, what the heck are they gonna tell the scions - but eventually they settle on a three-way engagement of sorts, and they’re all going to have matching rings and other cute bs

they are very much founded on feelings first!!!!!!! hallura might be the biggest thot in the world who actively makes aymeric into a thot as well but to me there is no way they could have survived as a functioning ot3 if it was not based in emotion. raha is too in his head and aymeric is too much of a thinker for something purely physical to last, imo.

...that is not to say, however, that they aren’t physically compatible - they are most definitely physically compatible. (for content sake i shall keep this post sfw but if you were to send an nsfw ask...i’m just saying i will definitely answer 👀)

dynamic wise (and this is where i get meta, the characters fall into these roles without necessarily realizing it themselves LOL i love being the writer) the ot3 can be summed up like this:

aymeric: the thinker (left brain LOL)

raha: the dreamer (right brain LDKJGLSKJD)

hallura: the heart

raha & aymeric represent the rationality of the relationship and do a lot of talking, a lot of planning, and a lot of smiling together. they’re the leaders, so it’s in their nature to have a game-plan for things. raha inspires the best in aymeric: his enthusiasm is infectious and really stokes aymeric’s determination, and aymeric draws a lot of strength and inspiration from raha’s own knowledge as a leader that coexists with his belief that mankind is worth saving. there is an EXTREMELY healthy amount of mutual respect here, and these two are absolutely the “romantic looks over papers that they could honestly care less about” plus aymeric finds raha’s allagan nerding ADORABLE; raha is just absolutely smitten with how charming aymeric is and very much admires his determination to overcome the obstacles set against him, and how aymeric loves his people despite ishgard’s very prominent flaws.

hallura & raha represent the spontaneity of the relationship - they don’t let their feelings control them per se, but they’re the ones who really say “screw restraint” and push the relationship into the unknown - exploring new parts of the relationship, experiencing the world together, excitement for growth and change. these two are allergic to stagnation and are constantly striving to be dynamic (in my piece “fade” i touch on how i think raha’s controlled crystal exarch persona gives way to his younger, more carefree self, in a good way) and they serve very much as the relationship’s “light”, which is not to say that aymeric is not bright for them, but hallura and raha are more like the sun as aymeric is like the moon. these two are the “batteries” of the relationship and keep things exciting and fresh.

hallura & aymeric represent the confidence and assuredness of the relationship - they have spent a LOT of time together already and have a very good grasp on what they like, what they want, etc. they are both quite confident in themselves and they uplift raha from his insecurities to show him just how much he’s worth. when confronted with outside criticism or scorn these two are the ones who stand their ground; they have the experience to show for their commitment and they’re very much teachers in the way that raha is still a learner. they are also the comforters - aymeric is very good at soothing, and hallura is very good at talking someone’s ear off to help them feel better LOL these two are the romantically matured ones and they set the example for give and take of the relationship.

it’s not always perfect, there are definitely spats and each has their notable quirks. hallura is the fighter, and if she doesn’t understand something she’ll call it out or say something, and that can be a little abrasive; raha has a lot of self-confidence issues and has trouble vocalizing his needs, which leads to some miscommunications at the start; and aymeric has a tendency to ice people out when he’s upset and while he’s the logical one he is also the one who remembers stuff - THIS is the grudge holder LMAOSDKJFLLGLHSLDKFGLJ 

but all in all i think they balance each other out relatively well! i will admit that i worked really hard to find a dynamic that worked realistically for them - i was terrified of just slamming them together because it was “easier”. i told myself if i was going to write an ot3 i was going to do it justice, and besides the relationship dynamics are just that much more fun to write especially for someone like me who delights in exploring the details of every interaction LOL

i hope you enjoyed!!!! this got REALLY LONG god i am so sorry sdfklgljsldkfglj please always feel free to send me ot3 asks i will COMBUST and then write a dissertation in reply LMAO

[ihavethoughtsplural]

Blood and Chocolate: An Adaptation in Name Only

Previously: Section 0 - Introduction

Section 1 – The Book

Preface: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is DENSE.  The paperback only spans 264 pages, but the story follows the coming of age of a dynamic and flawed female protagonist, encompasses ancient werewolf legends and laws, goes in depth into lycanthropic politics, and also features a love triangle, a teenage soap opera, a forbidden romance, and a goddamned murder mystery.

Summary: Vivian Gandillon is a 15-year-old werewolf.  A year after her father was killed in the fire that destroyed their home, Vivian is lost and grieving while her leaderless pack falls apart in the Maryland suburbs that they fled to.  Aiden, a tall, gentle human classmate attracts her attention and presents Vivian an escape from the tangled, animalistic world of werewolves.  Keeping her lycanthropy secret, Vivian begins to date Aiden, defying the laws of her people.   Vivian is pressured to break things off by her mother, her five delinquent age-mates, and the would-be leader, Gabriel. Gabriel, a 24 year-old welder, is attractive, intimidating and the object of intense romantic competition.  He, more than any other, tries to convince Vivian that her dalliance with a human is dangerous, eventually revealing that he speaks from painful personal experience. The story twists and turns, tearing Vivian and Aiden apart while pulling Vivian and Gabriel together.  In the end, through many trials, Vivian discovers that she can’t escape either her human or her animal nature, and must embrace both.  

Themes: Vivian’s central character arc finds her struggling with what she wants as opposed to what she needs.  At the opening of the novel, Vivian wants to escape the violent chaos of her pack, with its painful history and uncertain future. She finds that escape in Aiden, with his Beaver Cleaver family, his lovably quirky friends, and his sweetness and simplicity.   However, when the time comes to reveal the hidden aspects of her identity, Aiden can’t handle it.  Despite his supernatural curiosity, he cannot accept the supernatural when it presents itself to him.  His rejection sends Vivian into a tailspin of self-destruction that only ends when she accepts the love that Gabriel is offering, a love that honors all of what she is.  To ultimately find happiness, Vivian had to give up what she wanted and embrace what she needed. In addition to this, there is also a great deal of time in the novel spent contrasting the human and the animal sides of Vivian’s nature.  Her two suitors Aiden and Gabriel represent, respectively, the human and the animal. Scenes of Vivian socializing with Aiden and his human friends are juxtaposed with scenes of Vivian’s werewolf pack brutally vying for dominance.  The very title of the book is a reference to this dichotomy, Blood – representing Vivian’s animal desires, and Chocolate – representing Vivian’s human longings.   Throughout the novel, Vivian swings between these two extremes, at one point drinking herself into a heartbroken stupor over Aiden, then blacking out and waking up in her bed next to a severed hand. She tries, in her romance with Aiden, to balance her human and animal sides, but she only achieves that balance with Gabriel, a partner who also exists in the grey area between man and beast.

Highs: These are the aspects of the novel have captivated my imagination and kept this book in my collection for so long.

o   Werewolf Society:  It’s a damn shame that Klause hasn’t written more stories within this framework, because it is absolutely ripe for exploration and development.  The enormous potential here is one of the primary reasons why this book has held my fascination for so long and why I have written so much (published and unpublished) fanfiction for it.

o   Flawed Characters: No one who’s read the book will tell you that Vivian is perfect or even likeable 100% of the time, but it fits with her characterization as a grieving, lost teenager and serves to make her all the more like an actual person.  Most of the characters are like that, with their good qualities balanced or sometimes overwhelmed by their less savory sides.  It makes the fictional world feel richer and more realistic, despite the supernatural elements.

o   Consequences: The characters in this novel make real, awful mistakes, and they face lasting consequences for them.  One of Vivian’s mistakes – maiming Astrid while defending her mother, directly leads to Vivian’s ex, Rafe, getting sucked into Astrid’s revenge plot, leading to Vivian being framed for murder and the eventual executions of both Rafe and Astrid, during which Vivian is accidentally shot by Aiden.  

CONSEQUENCES!   They make the story more believable, more suspenseful, and this novel, with its cast of flawed characters, would not have worked without them.

o   Assertive Female Protagonist: Vivian is refreshingly frank about her desires, which is very noticeable in her courtship with Aiden.  Aiden assumes that he has to advance their physical relationship slowly so as to not frighten or offend Vivian, while Vivian urges him on.  She doesn’t hesitate when going after what she wants, and she’s not ashamed of her sexuality.  It’s a welcome change from the restrictions that western society places on female desire, and I’d like to see more characters like her.

Lows:  Blood and Chocolate is far from perfect, but, in my opinion, there are three glaring flaws in this book, and I would be remiss if I didn’t address them.

o   The Esme Question: The first point is one that, once seen, cannot be unseen. Vivian’s mother, Esme, is one of the women competing for Gabriel’s affections at the beginning of the novel.  It is established that they go on dates (“Saw your mother go into Tooley’s bar with Gabriel last night.” p. 18), but Klause is not explicit about how far their relationship has gone.  This ambiguity leaves open a potentially disturbing possibility:  

It is canonically possible that Gabriel had a sexual relationship with Esme and then moved on to sexually pursue her daughter, Vivian.

Personally, I can reasonably believe that Gabriel and Esme never progressed beyond idle flirting because:

a.       Vivian strikes me as the type of person who would mark her mother’s sexual partners as “off limits”.

b.       Up until just past the Ordeal scene, both Esme and Astrid are still fighting over Gabriel, implying that neither of them had really “won” him.  

c.       The possibility outlined above seems like it would be a bridge too far to be included in a YA novel, especially in the 90′s.  

Your mileage may vary.  I’ve seen reviews of the book whose negative ratings hinge on the fact that Gabriel dated Esme at all, irrespective of whether their relationship was sexual or not.  Honestly?  I can’t blame them.  If the mere existence of this possibility squicks you out, then it’s likely going to sour the ending and ruin the rest of the book for you.

o   The Age Differences: The second point is the least defensible. At the end of the novel, Vivian is 16 and Gabriel is 24.  That minor/adult 8 year age gap constitutes a “yikes” in my part of the world.  Klause skirts this by establishing that werewolf society has some stark differences with human society, namely that a 16 year old female is considered an adult by werewolf law.  This is still a rather uncomfortable detail to be included in an American YA novel, and the older I get, the more uncomfortable it becomes.

In addition to the Vivian/Gabriel age gap, there is the even wider Astrid/Rafe age gap. Rafe is Vivian’s ex and age mate, although there are reasons to assume that he is slightly older than her.  This places him somewhere in a probable 16-18 age range. He is canonically younger than 21, which makes him, according to werewolf law, not yet an adult.  Astrid has a son who is also Vivian’s age, which places Astrid somewhere in her late 30’s to mid 40’s.  In the book, Astrid and Rafe have a sexual relationship.

To be fair to Klause, this is framed in the novel as being toxic and ultimately destructive to both Astrid and Rafe.  Near the end of the story, Rafe finally realizes that Astrid has been taking advantage of him, turning Rafe, in my opinion, into a tragic victim of manipulation.  

Let me leave this segment with a PSA:

If you’re reading this and you’re underage, please don’t enter into a “relationship” with an adult.  The adults in these scenarios in the real world are predators, and they’re preying on your inexperience and naïveté.  They know that you probably won’t recognize relationship red flags and they think they can pressure you into doing unsafe and unhealthy things in the name of “love”. Stay safe, kids!

o   Sexual Harassment:   My third and final low point is one that I have very mixed feelings about.  As a result, this is the longest segment of this post, so strap in. In the novel, many of the interactions between Vivian and male characters are inappropriately sexual.  The most egregious offenders are the Five, Gabriel, and Aiden’s father. The Five, Vivian’s male werewolf peers, are crass, rude and arrogant.  Led by Rafe, they display a lot of entitlement for Vivian’s affections.  The most pointed (and gross) of these displays happens on p.41:

“You’re not Princess Wolf now,” Rafe growled behind her.  “Wait too long and we’ll take what we want.” 

That?  Yeah, that’s a direct rape threat!  Rafe also goes on to grope Vivian at her birthday party.  He’s a peach!   Gabriel’s harassment mostly takes the form of unwanted advances.  It peaks after the Ordeal, the battle royale where Vivian accidentally wins the right to be Gabriel’s mate.  In the aftermath, Gabriel corners Vivian in her kitchen, forces a non-consensual kiss on her and declares his intentions to court her.   Aiden’s father is notable in the contrast he provides.  Vivian only interacts with him once, when Aiden invites her to a family cookout. During this scene, he repeatedly leers at her, makes suggestive comments and on p. 79:

Vivian could hear the innuendo in Mr. Teague’s voice.  It made her skin crawl.

However, if you compare Mr. Teague’s harassment to Gabriel, the Five and others, you’ll find that there is a significant difference in Vivian’s reaction.  Vivian isn’t afraid to bite back at the Five’s harassment – scoring vivid revenge for Rafe’s groping when she injures his genitals.  She tries to do the same to Gabriel when he forces a kiss on her, but he relents on his own.   We see a similar dynamic when Esme snaps at Bucky, another male werewolf, who catcalls her in a bar.  This forms a pattern which suggests that forceful sexuality is a feature of werewolf culture.  Vivian confirms this the first time that she and Aiden kiss on p. 51:

“He was gentle.  She hadn’t expected that.  Kisses to her were a tight clutch, teeth, and tongue.”

And this is where my mixed feelings come in. I don’t condone the harassment that Vivian experiences, but I understand why Klause wrote it.  Any author writing inhuman characters can’t simply tell us that they are inhuman, they have to show it.  The forceful sexuality of the werewolf characters in this book is one way that Klause clearly shows that they are NOT human and serves as a contrast to the human characters.   But where does Aiden’s dad fit into this?  His harassment is milder than the Five’s or Gabriel’s, but it disgusts Vivian in a way that the other harassment didn’t.  Why?  Sexual harassment seems to be a constant feature of her pack life.  This isn’t even the only time that an older man leers at her – on p. 115, in the same scene where Esme gets catcalled:

Some of those male eyes strayed to Vivian, too, and she preened at the thought of being a threat.

That’s a far cry from the skin-crawling disgust she felt with Mr. Teague, but it’s basically the same offense.  What’s different?  We find it in a conversation with him on p. 74:

“I would think a girl like you would go out with someone older.” He winked at Vivian. Like someone your age?  Vivian thought, repelled by the man’s lack of loyalty to his son.

Vivian’s disgust stems from the fact that the man flirting with her is her boyfriend’s father.  She’s shown to welcome sexual attention from other older men, and she has no problems handling more overt harassment, but the paternal disloyalty sickens her. The overt sexual harassment is there, and if it makes it impossible for you to enjoy the book, I don’t blame you.  Your feelings are valid, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.  Personally, I understand the authorial reasoning behind its inclusion, and its utility as a characterization tool, so it doesn’t prevent me from enjoying the story. Your mileage may vary.

Verdict: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is flawed, but fascinating.  It sets multifaceted characters into a tantalizing world of men and monsters, where the line between good and evil is blurred into nonexistence.  It is, despite its problematic elements, my favorite book.

Next: Section 2 - Adaptation Challenges

[nearly-theyre]

haikyuu fic recs!!!!!!!!!!

hello friends! we are back at it again with another fic rec list ~

find me on twitter and ao3 (where you can see all the fics I didn’t get to put on this rec list! my bookmarks contain OVER 500 fics and this list is LESS than 100!) ~

also: check out this fic rec list for haikyuu multi-fic series recs! all of the fics in this list are one shots or single completed chaptered fics ~

LET’S BEGIN

FORMAT:

“title” (ratings) by author (a ✰ means the series is HIGHLY recommended!)

link

Warnings: as of 8/3/2020, although as always exercise caution! 

Tagged Ships: the ships that the AUTHOR tagged! no ship hate here please! 

Summary of the fic 

MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS READ WARNINGS/TAGS/SUMMARIES BEFORE READING!

“feel like gold” (T) by Heronfem ✰✰✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320651/chapters/30487086

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma , Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

“Three Times the Charm” (T) by todxrxki 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25662307

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma 

Kodzuken #1 Fan @Kodzuken1Fan 3h

hi all, has anyone noticed that kodzuken seems happier than usual in his recent videos?? it can’t just be me… do you think he’s had a change in his life recently? 

Hina @kenmafan321 3h

@Kodzuken1Fan Honestly I agree with you!! I think that Kodzuken might have a girlfriend though… or a boyfriend!! <3 / In which Kenma's viewers try to figure out whether he's dating Kuroo, Bokuto, or Akaashi... but are completely approaching the problem the wrong way.

“Elements of Love” (T) by helloyesIamtrash, Nata1967

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848392

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kenma first heard the voices when he was in preschool, the three of them. They felt like the crackling warmth of a fire, a bolt of lightning, the cool breeze on a summer's day. He had never heard of them before. They sounded nice.

They said something about being soulmates.

“Leave A Light On” (M) by todxrxki ✰✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670813/chapters/44278060

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

It is impossible, he knows. He is not human. It is only humans who experience such things, who are able to feel joy and happiness and sadness and grief. He is just a monster, a demon, a creature made from the leftovers.

But still, he wants to experience human things with a fervor he cannot describe.

In which a boy, raised inside of a highly unethical laboratory, comes to understand humanity through the love of the people who rescued him, but especially through his closest friend.

“i wanna see your face and know i’ve made it home” (G) by mukeandziamgotmelike ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654473

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Keiji had never thought that he would miss them this much.

Sure, the thought had been scary - terrifying, debilitating - at first, but Koutarou was right; they would only be a couple hours away. They would call as often as they could, they had said, and while Keiji knew how hard that would be (since their majors were going to be stressful and of course they would both want to join the volleyball team, and their new college friends, and parties, and, and, and) he had smiled understandingly, feeling Kenma’s hand squeeze around his tighter.

But he didn’t think it would hurt like it did.

“Village and a Crow” (T) by NeverNothing ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612745

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma

Day 3 || 13th || Hurt/Comfort || Secret Agent/Assassins (AU)

The raven raised his eyebrow at the other man. He was staring at him, gaze hiding his thoughts well.

“Daishou Tetsurou,” he introduced himself anyway. It was the closest he had gotten to anyone near Akaashi the whole evening, seeing as the blond had not left the others side until now.

aka: In his cover identity as Daishou Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou makes an intriguing aquaintance.

“Third Eye” (T) by Solovei, Yrindor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7901137/chapters/18048394

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi

For as long as he could remember, Suga could see things when he looked at other people—shadows over their hearts that represented the roadblocks to their happiness. He became known as a problem-solver, a skilled mediator, and the person to come to with any matter of problems. While he used this ability to help his teammates and friends, over the years his own feelings were pushed aside.

He could see Asahi's fear of rejection, Hinata's need to be challenged, and Noya's desire for a person to accept him for who he was. But there was one shadow that never revealed itself to him—that belonging to Sawamura Daichi.

During the Tokyo Training camp, he's confronted by Nekoma's captain, who wants to know what it is that Suga himself is yearning for. Their conversation leads to some uncomfortable truths, and he's forced to admit that he may have been source of Daichi's growing shadow this whole time.

“Home is where the rest of you are” (T) by Kei (junjunkiiold) ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6796540

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou , other implied relationships

Angry tears track their way down their face as they stiffly pull on a pair of Keiji's sweats and one of Kuro's ridiculously oversized hoodies, pausing to bury their face in Bo's pillow, just to be fair. They miss their boyfriends so much. So much. It's a physical pain now, crackling just behind their ribs, and they know they'll have to try and rid their face of tearstains, otherwise Suga will worry. Suga has already been kind enough to offer them company, and in any case, Kenma doesn't deserve to be worried over. It isn't like it matters anyway.

They freeze.

Oh no.

Of all the days for the intrusive thoughts, the grey-tones jabs, the deathly sharp self-hatred to invade their mind, it just has to be when Bo and Kuro and Keiji were all gone halfway across the country.

This is shaping up to be the worst birthday Kenma has ever had.

“a brief study on a brief point in time” (G) by neatos_cheetos

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13981158

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma , Fukunaga Shouhei & Kozume Kenma & Yamamoto Taketora

“Kid,” rooster-head says to Fukunaga. “You play volleyball?”

[Alternatively: How Fukunaga Shouhei falls in love with the seasons.]

[Takes place one year before canon.]

“we know the game and we’re gonna play it” (T) by thelittlebirdthattoldyou ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460246

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei

Hanamaki cut in, “If we win, you have to promise to lighten up on the loving around us.”

“No more footsie under the table at team dinners,” Matsukawa said.

“No more weirdly sexual trash talk when you play on different sides.” Watari said.

“No more grabbing Iwaizumi-senpai’s ass ‘for good luck’ before practice games.” That was Kunimi, who shrugged placidly when everyone turned to stare at him.

“No more making out shirtless in supply closets,” Yahaba finished.

Hanamaki makes a bet, Mastukawa waits for him to get the hint, Oikawa's clinginess is surpassed only by his competitiveness, and Iwaizumi just wants to get through the next day so he can kiss his boyfriend again.

“doesn’t the rose always has its thorns sharpened before it pricks?” ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178558

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio (mentioned) , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (if you squint) , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

“How do you sleep at night, Akaashi?” Amused chuckle fills the room, a chilling contrast to the pooling blood staining the end of both their cloak. Akaashi smiles, beautiful, confident, and feral, “Peaceful and satisfied after being thoroughly ravished.”

“Papillon” (M) by the_madame21

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9962204

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

"Father says I have to go meet new royals today.”

“Who?” The boy said it so easily. With a little bit of a bite. But Tooru wasn’t sure if that was because he was angry, or because he was an alpha.

“The…Iwaizumi family…”

“Safe practice” (G) by symphorine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6220759

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: N/A

Yamaguchi gets bruises from wearing his binder for practice. Cue the team being worried, which he really didn't want happening, and Suga stepping in.

“Problematic” (T) by alpacameron

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6192133

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: N/A

"When they finally arrived everyone stood up inside the Aoba Johsai bus to exit and greet the teams, but Oikawa clearly heard Bokuto yell “HEY, KUROO! SHITTYKAWA’S HERE!” from outside and decided he wasn’t going to."

--

Aoba Johsai used to attend the Tokyo Training Camp, but Oikawa never got along with Bokuto and Kuroo very well.

“your steady hands have pulled me through” (T) by winter_flowers ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16712716/chapters/39198214

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei , Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru , Mentioned Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

“How can he be so dense?” Tooru complained. “I’m not even trying to hide it. Scratch that, I’ve been practically flaunting it to him since I decided he should know and he still doesn’t believe me.”

Hanamaki shrugged. “It’s Iwaizumi, he literally has ‘rock’ in his name,” he pointed out.

“He thought my animal blood was wine—I’ve been drinking it around him for the last fifteen years! How does he still think it's whatever red beverage that's convenient for the occasion?”

“I mean, you do remember how he religiously bought you those vending machine tomato juice cans, right?”

Or: 5 times Hajime was too dense to realize Tooru was a vampire and one time he finally did (and happened to realize something else along the way).

“now and forever true” (G) by LugianBeforeSwine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3797146

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

The first time Iwaizumi Hajime sees Oikawa Tooru, he bursts into tears.

Hajime and Tooru, over the course of 18 years spent together (and their mothers, who knew everything from the very beginning.)

“rewrite the stars” (G) by astrid_fischer ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17207171/chapters/40461332

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

“You’re going to marry the prince of Karasuno,” Kenma’s father told him on the first day of midsummer.

King Kozume Takeshi did not so much as look up from the letter he was writing at his desk as he said it. His manner suggested he was advising that the evening meal would be held fifteen minutes late; the life-altering statement was that matter-of-fact, and carried the same expectation that he would not be questioned.

“Very well,” Kenma said, when the skritching of the quill stopped pointedly and he realized that some sort of answer was expected of him. He blinked. “Is that all?”

*****

or: an arranged marriage au where everyone is in love with the wrong person.

“can i be close to you” (T) by arcsec ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711793/chapters/59729524

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply 

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

shouyou drags a sleep-deprived kenma to one of kuroo’s parties, only for kenma to escape upstairs and fall asleep in an unlocked bedroom.

or, 5 times kenma slept in kuroo's bed + 1 time kuroo slept over in kenma's.

“Show A Little Faith” (G) by minijhi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4205613/chapters/9503331

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

“Why are you sending me a singing Valentine telegram?" Kenma asks, mouth flattened. "It’s six months until Valentine’s Day.”

“I bought a dwarf over the summer to use as cupid.” Kuroo says. “I figured he could use some practice.”

-

Presenting Kenma as the Boy-Who-Lived, whose living becomes a lot more interesting when Ravenclaw Prince Kuroo Tetsurou starts sending him singing telegrams about defeating the Dark Lord.

“Blood” (T) by darkbluebox ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114318/chapters/9272470

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tagged Ships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi ,  yamatsukki centered but p much everyone else is in the bg , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Words like "Muggle-born" and "Pure-blood" don't mean a lot when you're still a child, but everyone has to grow up sooner or later.

“can i crash at your place tonight” (T) by puddingcatbeans

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4612110

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi

"Me and my buddies vandalized your backyard trampling your mini garden in the process. Now I feel really shitty cause you’re really upset about this. Look I’ll help fix it okay just stop with the sad faces." au

or, in which Daichi's not a bad person, he just has bad choices in friends, and Suga's got a little ceramic garden and the face of an angel.

“The Mother We Share” (T) by Avogara ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22634923/chapters/54095674

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou

“My life is ruined,” Kuroo stated blandly and muffled into the covers. He didn’t move. Kenma tapped him with his blanketed foot.

“Why’s that?”

“Because I can’t go to camp with you.”

Kenma frowned deeply at this and squinted his golden eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because I have to go stay with my mom…”

“You have a mom?”

—

How Kuroo became part of the Kozume family after one tragic summer vacation.

“Everything Is Debatable” (T) by todxrxki 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321422

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

In YouTuber Kozume Kenma's inbox, there's one email from fellow YouTuber Kuroo Tetsurou asking if he’d be interested in a collaboration. Kenma eyes it with disdain. Frowning, he types a response. "I appreciate you reaching out, he says. I understand that this is something the fans have encouraged. However, I’d like to make myself clear: I am not interested in a collaboration with you. Now, or ever." / In which gaming YouTuber Kenma learns a little bit about preconceived notions and romance through his reluctant friendship with prank YouTuber Kuroo.

“Superposition” (M) by todxrxki ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22383487/chapters/53478259

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Minor or Background Relationship(s) , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

"Well, I bet I’ll be seeing more of you in the future then, huh? But hopefully soon it’ll be me watching you on stage," Tetsurou tells him.

Something flickers across Kenma’s face - something like bright, childlike hope. “D’you actually think so?"

“Call me crazy,” Tetsurou says, grinning a stupid grin that shows all his teeth, “but I’d be willing to bet on it." // Tetsurou Kuroo, the lead singer of alternative band Neko, meets Kenma Kozume, aspiring musician, at one of his shows, a meeting that sets into motion a series of events that change their lives - and the alternative music scene - forever. Or, the early 2000s pop punk band AU.

“Mini Volleyball Club” (G) by redriotoperator 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24483028

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei , Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru

Aobajousai was signed up to teach five year olds how to play volleyball one Saturday morning.

Only issue being present is- what teenage boy is good with five year olds?

The Captain who can do it all- that's who.

“call me maybe” (T) by totooru ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168451/chapters/16273241

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

“Spellbound” (T) by isthisphantasy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3656679/chapters/8080056

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , mentions of , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Out of all the people Daichi had to fall for, it had to be a Slytherin. Their two houses were supposed to hate each other.

To be fair, he was nothing like the stereotypes preached. He wasn’t snide, slimy or pompous. He was beautiful in an ethereal kind of way. He was almost ghostly pale, all innocent brown eyes and silvery-blonde hair. Sugawara Koushi, the boy who was even sweeter than his name suggested.

“Two Pillows” (G) by Dogsocks

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24893314

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou

Kuroo forgot his pillows.

Both of his pillows are at home, right by the fucking stairs, probably no more than four feet from the door. And now he’s stuck at a training camp for a week-- with no pillows, let alone his pillows-- and he still has to somehow get his neurotic ass to sleep. This is not good. This is so so so not good.

“It’ll be fine,” he mumbles. “I’m not seven anymore, Kenma. I’m probably just overreacting.” 

Spoiler: It's not fine.

“Anything In Between” (T) by todxrxki 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21631504

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kozume Kenma just wants to be a normal gaming YouTuber, but when his idiot boyfriend butts in and gets his fans speculating about their relationship, it seems that even that's impossible. / Post manga timeskip, told exclusively through social media and texting.

“The Thief and the Ningyou” by Heronfem ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17161055

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei

There's a youkai that lives in the daimyo's estate, they say. They say he keeps a grand lake within the walls and a youkai lives within it. They say it's jealously guarded, the lake patrolled night and day by well trained guards that watch the lake to keep people away from it. They say only the daimyo is allowed near it.

Matsukawa Issei couldn't care less about a mad daimyo's obsession, but as a professional thief he's inclined to be very interested in the daimyo's wealth.

“Liked, Commented and Subscribed” (T) by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151264/chapters/16236896

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

" 'Hey, Bokuto?' Kuroo interrupted his friend. They were both sitting on his couch, Bokuto telling some silly story that happened the previous weekend and Kuroo reading the comments on his latest video. He was quite happy with how it turned out – a lot of people seemed to enjoy it and he even saw a few memes on tumblr titled ‘The actual signs as Kuroo’s signs’. There was only one thing bothering him.

'Yeah, bro?' Bokuto answered, a little annoyed for having his great story be interrupted.

'Do you know who Kozume Kenma is?' "

--

Everyone is a youtuber and tumblr ships KuroKen. A lot.

“Don’t call me Lord, call me Love” (E) by Nimbus_Cloud ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159379/chapters/14112763

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Haiba Lev & Yaku Morisuke

Based on Mookie000's Ruler AU artwork

---

The kingdom of Nekoma prepares a festival to celebrate the one year anniversary of Kenma's coronation. While his royal court and magisters and guardians look forward to the revelry, Kenma is himself plagued by doubts as to his ability to rule and his growing feelings for one of his sworn guardians. Everything on the surface appears as it should at first, but things get complicated when a kiss takes Kuroo by surprise and an attempted kidnapping goes awry.

“My Nameless World (I’ll Let You In)” (T) by ltgmars

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17430203

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Mentions of Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

It’s a modest two-bedroom in the western suburbs, far enough from the bustling crowds to be affordable but still counting, technically, as Tokyo. They’re noisy before they sleep but quiet when they rise, shuffling mutedly out of the door for joint morning runs before bursting back into the apartment for joint morning showers. Shouyou cooks breakfast while Kageyama packs their lunch and gym bags, and they never share a goodbye kiss because they always leave together.

It’s warm and cozy and disgustingly domestic, and it’s probably everything Shouyou’s ever dreamed of.

Except, Kenma thinks irately, Kageyama doesn’t actually live here.

===

Shouyou moves in with Kenma when he ends up in Tokyo for college. Kenma subsequently realizes that half the things in Shouyou’s boxes are actually Kageyama’s because he should have fucking known.

“Swinging Doors and Wet Floors” (G) by Heronfem

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14015484

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei

At least once a week Matsukawa Issei cursed out whatever asshole had put swinging doors at the back of the Starbucks he was stuck selling his soul at. They were at exactly the wrong height for him, people constantly thought they were the place to go through for the bathrooms, and no one had put “Employees Only” signs on or around them.

Or, Matsukawa meets his soulmate.

“The Golden Chapel” (M) by Heronfem ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361861

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Arms and the man I sing,—not as of old

The Mantuan bard his mighty verse unrolled,

But in such humbler strains as may beseem

Light changes rung on a fantastic theme.

Or, a Knight comes in search of the Golden Chapel to finish his quest. The Chapel's guardians and trial makers finish theirs as well.

“Saturday 10:23AM” (G) by SoVeryAverageMe ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22461436

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Sawamura Daichi , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Miyagi Missed Connections:

Stressed Volleyball Captain > Sendai Sports Emporium

My boyfriend wants me to post about you on here. I told him that Missed Connections were supposed to be for romantic encounters but he didn’t care. He thinks that I need more friends. Like most things, he’s wrong. But whatever, he’ll keep bothering me until I do this.

Iwaizumi is forced to write a Missed Connections post by Oikawa. Elsewhere, Suga was scrolling through Craigslist when he sees a description that resembles his boyfriend. He made Daichi respond.

The rest, as they say, was history.

“Happiness Comes in Waves” (M) by mitigates 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374712

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu

Akaashi filled the waffle cone in his hand with vanilla bean ice cream and doused it in peanut butter. He handed that one to Suga. “And Oikawa, you’re not even slick about it. It’s obvious what you’re doing-”

“Oh shut up, Akaashi! Can you blame us?” The glint in Oikawa’s eyes as he stared anxiously across the parking lot was brighter than ever. He started tugging on Suga’s board shorts and smacking the side of Akaashi’s truck. “Look, look- They’re here!”

Akaashi sighed and pushed Oikawa’s cup of cherry ice cream covered in an abhorrent amount of sprinkles toward him. He leaned over slightly so he could get a view as well. Akaashi positioned his truck for that view, sure, but he could also say out loud that he did it for the business. Yes, the business.

“bait and switch” (T) by Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704886

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi

“You’re not serious?”

“Suga-chan, when am I not serious?” Oikawa cradled his mug in two hands to warm his fingers. “Besides, I’m not hurting anyone.”

“I think your teammates are going to lose their goddamn minds once they find out.”

...

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

“do tomatoes go in a fruit salad?” (T) by fliick

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632026

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

“We’re friends, Kou-chi! I’m not taking advantage of you. I wanna know about all the drama going on!”

“Like what?”

“Like whether or not Tobio’s getting crushed.”

“Oikawa-”

“And how long you and Sawamura are gonna pine until one of you cracks.”

“Oikawa.”

“i call it magic (when i’m with you)” (M) by cosmogony 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25551868

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

As one of Tokyo's most established Potion Witches, Kozume Kenma's life was anything except ordinary. However, somehow his life takes an even stranger turn when his best friend, Kuroo Tetsurou, gets cursed and transformed into a cat.

Luckily for the two, they meet a Curse-Breaker and Animal Telepathy Specialist who are more than willing to assist them in turning Kuroo human again, though all four of them may end up with more than they'd originally bargained for.

Written for Kenma Ship Week 2020 Day 1 - Modern Magic

“Envy for Solid Ground” (M) by theglitterati ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832303/chapters/60067192

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

There’s a sign taped to the door: "Sitting Volleyball sign ups - today!"

“No,” Tooru says. “No, Hajime, I can’t.”

“Just one practice,” Hajime replies. “Please. For me.”

-

Oikawa loses a leg. But he gains some things, too.

“Waiting On A Friend” (G) by MaxMattel666

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221155

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Shiratorizawa Academy is giving its students a long weekend and Tendou is excited to go home. But Goshiki? Not so much.

!!!Now featuring accompanying art!!!

“I Was Adopted?!” (G) by marsenthusiast

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24731935

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Goshiki is probably more affected by Ushijima's and Tendou's recent fall out than he should be and he doesn't know why. All he knows is he's definitely not supposed to be crying about it. Right?

“i always wake up next to monsters” (NR) by irleggsy ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25004146

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Goshiki Tsutomu & Tendou Satori , Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi , UshiTen if you like. squint

Goshiki hasn't been able to sleep properly for days. The reasons might be worse than the team originally thought.

Tendou doesn't like using his magic, but there are exceptions. Like taking care of their youngest.

Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 Day 2: Cooking Together | Ring | Fantasy/Magic AU

“He’s Not Here” (T) by MaxMattel666

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620779/chapters/59480443

Warnings: Major Character Death

Tagged Ships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi

When Goshiki dies, he leaves an unfillable hole in his wake. His absence takes the form of an empty chair at the dining room table and uneaten ice cream. He leaves behind unfinished lists and shoes that he was supposed to fill.

A mafia AU where Shiratorizawa loses its youngest member.

!!!Now featuring accompanying art!!!

“reddit boyfriends” (T) by NeverNothing ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24336256

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Lev goes on reddit to talk about his senpais and accidentally goes viral. Yaku helps.

“the q&a you’ve been waiting for | KODZUKEN” (T) by kzumeknma (born_to_fly)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24960325

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , implied Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou - Relationship

In which Kodzuken reaches 500k subscribers, Kuroo Tetsurou is Little Bastard, and Akaashi helps Bokuto with his critical thinking skills in the comments.

(the youtube video you didn't want, but i wrote anyways)

“Blush Blush” (T) by NeverNothing 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25609810

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kodzuken uploaded a new video : "i play Blush Blush but my boyfriend gets jealous (not family friendly)" (1:48:59)

16,945 comments sort by

or: my fill for KenmaShipWeek Day 4: Established Relationship

“ring pops” (G) by mukeandziamgotmelike

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8572807

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Ambiguous or Implied Relationship(s) , Oohira Reon/Semi Eita , Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi

Semi Eita was a physically perfect human being.

It only makes sense that others notice.

“give them something to talk about” (G) by thelittlebirdthatttoldyou

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25426843

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

“Huh. Oikawa is making his way over to the losing side of the court - is he planning to rub it in their faces? Maybe someone should stop him -”

“But he’s passing the players by entirely! And heading for -”

“Are we going to get a childhood besties reunion up in here?”

Iwaizumi and Oikawa's Olympics reunion, as told through the eyes of two excitable sportscasters.

“i’m gonna be the man who’s coming home to you” (T) by welcometothehumanrace ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25689436

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

“I looked into some places myself, and here are some of the ones I found,” Kuroo said as he looked over the top of the screen.

It took one second for Kenma to register that he was in fact looking at a page full of house listings. It took another second for him to register where exactly the listings were located.

Kenma snorted. “Kuro, why on earth would I move to Roppongi Hills?”

-

It takes one year for Kenma's success to explode and for him to outgrow the two-bedroom apartment he shares with his best friend Kuroo. It takes about a week after that for him to figure out why the thought of moving out bothers him so much.

“don’t bother checking my work (i’ve never cared for math anyway)” (T) by pseudoanalytics 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808875

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi , Kawanishi Taichi/Semi Eita (background) , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (implied)

It isn’t until Shirabu’s back at LOCCENT that it really sinks in. Forty-eight wins? An impressive number, true, and a definite sign of Ushijima’s strength, especially compared to Tendou. But in anyone else, an unbalanced score like that would indicate a depressingly low chance of drift compatibility.

Drifting with Ushijima was simple statistically, but potentially deadly realistically. And drifting with Tendou? A veritable nightmare. If not for Washijou’s insistence, Shirabu would have dropped him long ago.

Still, something is calling to him. Something beyond numbers and data projections.

Because Ushijima may have knocked Tendou down forty-eight times. But that means there were forty-nine times he got back up.

“Goshiki’s Lucky Hairpins” (NR) by laurent_exalted

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541905

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Tendou Satori 

(Based off of a cosplay tiktok myself and @/uyusodasu made :) , check out the original on my page @/bubble_cos, or the completed/duet version on Dex’s page!)

In which Goshiki likes pretty things, and other people don’t like it. Tendou is a good senpai and helps Goshiki feel better with a gift and maybe a kiss or two

“pretty girls make me nervous” (T) by ebenroot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3509384

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , with mentions of daisuga , kagehina , BokuAka

(Yaku had to wonder if his captain was listening to himself talk and could realize on his own how much he sounded in love with Kenma.)

"So, what is going to happen is this! Friday night, Kenma will be going to the mall with no video games around. His natural attractiveness will show, some love struck girl will ask him out and bam! Kenma isn't single anymore."

(Yaku supposed not.)

 or

that fic where Kuroo does everything he can to get Kenma a significant other. Meanwhile, everyone bets how long it'll take before Kuroo realizes that Kenma's sorta already dating him.

“Noon, on a Thursday” (T) by lovelyleftovers

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899797

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

He climbs the stairs, hands tightening unconsciously on the strap of his bag before he approaches Kuroo’s open door. 

Kenma isn’t sure what he expected to find, but it wasn’t this.

“Must Be Love” (G) by todxrxki ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22116652

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Interviewer: Anyone special in your life these days? 

Kuroo: Hah. Well, yeah, I guess you could say that. H- she’s not exactly a fan of attention, so I think she’d kill me if I were to say anything about her publicly. But, well, she means everything to me. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m completely sure I wouldn’t be here without hi-her.

/ In which famous volleyball player Kuroo is obvious, Lev is oblivious, and Kenma just wants to mess with his fans. Social media; set post-time skip.

“the golden discourse of lovesickness” (G) by WatanabeMaya

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489601

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , mentions of , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio , Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke

“Hey,” a voice blurts out, says to him one day. Kenma notes the way the boy stands out of the crowd, with his spiky bedhead hair and the brightest of brown eyes. “Can you read my mind?”

\\

a kuroken telepathic!soulmates au

“four letter word” (T) by shizuoh 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6517462

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , implied kuroken bc i hate myself

Bokuto pursed his lips. "It's just... ya know, Akaashi... Kuroo's my main!"

Akaashi blinked down at their textbook for a few moments before looking up at Bokuto. "Did you just call me a side hoe?"

“Ignoring the forest” (T) by NeverNothing ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18382232

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Where the public collectively agrees to ignore the signs that actor Kuroo Tetsurou is dating his childhood friend.

Kuroo Tetsurou @therealtetsurou

Filming was fun, but I’m glad to be back to my fav pudding head <3 #noplacelikehome #KURASE #filming

[photo: a suitcase was in focus with another bag and a jacket thrown atop standing beside the back of a couch. A head of badly dyed hair can be seen, face turned away and rest of the body hidden by the couch.]

“Japan’s most subscribed” (T) by NeverNothing ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21662782

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

“Run to Me” (M) by shions_heart

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097696/chapters/24760551

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru , Kozume Kenma & Yamamoto Taketora , Minor or Background Relationship(s)

When a homeless runaway named Kenma literally falls on Kuroo Tetsurou's head, he does the logical thing and offers his place to him. Despite the misgivings of Kuroo's best friends, he and Kenma grow closer as time passes . . .

But Kenma is hiding a painful secret, and one day it's going to come out.

“Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos” (G) by strawberryriver ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759890

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.

Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

“mr. steal yo man” (T) by saintjoy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4409834

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , One-sided Haiba Lev/Kozume Kenma

Lev's got it bad for Kenma. Unfortunately, he's already got one hell of a boyfriend.

“Step by Step” (M) by dgalerab

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145255/chapters/16223309

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio

Everyone might think that Kenma is the one that is always following Kuroo, but it's Kuroo that's been trying to slip his life into Kenma's since he can remember. He might get a little scared by the idea of going off to college without Kenma. Kenma handles it.

“The Words I Can’t Say” (G) by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345708

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Theres a short pause, the the tightness in Kenma’s throat only thickens when he realizes this is usually when he is supposed to answer with his name.

His mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I’m Kenma, he thinks, trying to get his vocal cords to move, I’m Kenma.

“two cats” (T) by rideahorse 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5843116/chapters/13466860#workskin

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

(12:01) From: Kenma :3

and why won’t you tell me what the secret is?

(12:02) To: Kenma :3

there r some things even i won’t say over txt

“Soggy Toast” (T) by brattybat

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610213

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma , Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kenma wakes up with the onslaught of a nasty stomach bug and refuses to let his roommates stay home and baby him. But with an empty house filled with a lack of all the warmth he had grown so accustomed to, all pride was thrown out the window.

“beyond castle walls” (E) by kiyala

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884986

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kenma doesn't realise that the guy he's brought home for the night is Kuroo Tetsurou, the crown prince of the kingdom, until there are photos posted online the next morning. The royal family has to save face by announcing a marriage, and Kenma's life is never going to be the same.

“Between the Silence and the Sound” (T) by todxrxki

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20269963

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Everyone seems to be under the impression that famous actor Kozume Kenma is dating his co-star, Lev Haiba. However, Kenma absolutely cannot stand the idea. In the heat of the moment, Kenma publicly blurts out that he's dating his childhood best friend, Kuroo Tetsurou, and they start a fake relationship for the benefit of the press. Soon, though, Kenma begins to realize that fake-dating his best friend might be more complicated than he'd originally planned. / Fake Dating AU, for Kuroken Week Day 7.

“The One With Dragons And Shit” (T) by helloyesIamtrash

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737048/chapters/20030515

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

Kenma stopped as he heard a deep rumble from inside the dark depths of the cave. He took a deep breath, mentally prepared for whatever came his way.

“Why would a human venture into the cave of a dragon? Turn back, little one.” A smooth, melodic voice warned, ensnaring Kenma’s attention. As he peered into the darkness, two golden pinpricks could be seen watching him.

The dragon was there.

“and i would have saved juliet” (M) by skittidyne ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6904423#main

Warnings: Major Character Death

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Implied/Unrequited Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou/Yaku Morisuke

“Did you know my family is cursed?” Tetsurou asks suddenly, because he does sometimes want Kenma’s attention, in spite of everything else.

He is rewarded by the smaller boy glancing up again and the stilling of his quill.

“My brother’s going to have to get married twice,” Tetsurou tells him, “and no one is sure who it’s gonna be. But he’s definitely getting married soon. I have to get all kinds of new clothes for it and the tailor always sticks me because he doesn’t like me.”

“Maybe that’s just because you squirm…”

“I’m a very well-behaved child. Everyone says so.”

“I don’t say that,” Kenma points out and resumes his writing practice.

(( or: tetsurou is a prince, and with that, comes certain expectations of his station, regardless of curses or who he falls in love with ))

“Red” (NR) by lunaloop

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10786023

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma

It's a bad day and Bokuto wishes he had a color system like Kenma so he could tell Kuroo what's wrong.

Or,

a Bokuakakuroken-fic inspired by the HQ!! OT3+ week prompt "Red".

“frilly pink apron” (T) by novrik

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925030

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

kuroo loves to be embarrassing. there's literally no other reason why he'd walk onto stream wearing nothing but a fucking frilly pink apron and sweats where you can see all of his goddamn upper body.

“There’s No Tutorial for This” (T) by sinata (karasinovolleyball)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702733

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma , Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou , implied bokuaka - Relationship , implied yakulev , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio

“I think maybe Kuroo-senpai likes him, and that’s why it was hard for him to tell us.”

“On the fucking nose, Lev.”

Kuroo likes Kenma, but he can't figure that out for himself. Kenma likes Kuroo, except he's never had a crush on anyone before and has no idea how to cope. Hopefully they can both figure it out by the time their summer vacation ends.

"...I swear to god I’m going to die Bokuto, he’s so cute and I’m so fucked.”

“national hot dad alliance is now calling…” (T) by dicaeopolis, owlinaminor ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663683/chapters/13045579

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Sawamura Daichi , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou(queerplatonic) , Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Bokuto Koutarou & Hinata Shouyou , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru , Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi , Bokuto Koutarou & Ushijima Wakatoshi , Oikawa Tooru & Ushijima Wakatoshi , Sawamura Daichi & Ushijima Wakatoshi , Bokuto Koutarou & Sawamura Daichi , Bokuto Koutarou & Oikawa Tooru , Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru , Kuroo Tetsurou & Sawamura Daichi , Kuroo Tetsurou & Ushijima Wakatoshi , Oikawa Tooru & Sawamura Daichi

Sawamura Daichi: What the fuck.

(Or, the captains' squad interactions that definitely happen outside of canon, presented in Skype chat form.)

“quiet company” (G) by doxian 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434422#main

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Minor or Background Relationship(s)

Like Kuroo does every morning, he senses Kenma before he sees him. Kenma isn’t awake yet - he’s toying with the idea of total wakefulness, his flickering consciousness brushing against the back of Kuroo’s brain.

Kuroo has started his day like this almost every day for the last 15 years of his life, and he hasn’t tired of it yet. He doubts he ever will.

“as blood returns and returns to the heart” (T) by isaksara ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23239519

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio

“Kuro, you’re in need of medical attention,” Kenma tells him as he approaches. In front of him, Kuroo kneels. Kenma has the completely illogical thought that if he just reached out to touch each of them, he could soothe the wounds and stop the flow of blood. As always, he refrains.

“I know.” Kuroo looks up at him with clear eyes unbothered by blood loss. “But won’t you say the words?”

“Inked Skin” (G) by HoneyWhisky

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22239958/chapters/53103634

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Akaashi Keji/Bokuto Koutarou , Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

A haikyuu au where whatever your soulmate writes or draws on their skin, shows up on yours as well. A bokuaka fic with tension, confusion, fluff and more. Kuroken on the side.

“What do I even write though?” Bokuto tapped his chin.

“Tell him you're the best spiker in the prefecture”.

“Think I should!?” Bokutos eyes gleamed with excitement.

“No, I don't think the first thing you should tell your soulmate is a lie” Kuroo snorted.

“Where the Love Light Gleams” (M) by nargles_exist

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976513

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma , Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou

A peek into Kenma's household, as he and his three boyfriends prepare for the holiday season. Koutarou wants snow and decorations everywhere. Keiji wants to be a good host for their holiday party. Kenma just wants everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves. And Tetsurou… is strangely absent a lot.

“sad walk” (G) by taccoans ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182098

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

rip kuro he dead

med school sucks kenma!!!! im gonna quit and become ur kept man

who tf is kodzuken

kuro uve said this 3 times this week alone

“Contract Clauses” (T) by setosdarkness ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6266962

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou , Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio

Kuroshitsuji AU.

The continent is a powerful mass moving along in a waltz towards impending doom, starting when a certain person from the concrete, Hinata Shoyou, sells his soul to a genius-level demon.

(ft. drug lord Kuroo & his kitten-cosplay bodyguard Kenma; genius swordsman Bokuto & his impassive sidekick; Shinigami partners Iwaizumi & Oikawa)

“I think I kind of want you” (T) by gummyconcrete

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22253311

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou

— ft. gatorade bottles, volleyball and video games.

“You’re so uninterested,” their newest member, Lev comments—it's more of an observation, really—as he picks up one of the Gatorade bottles on the rack.

“Senpai is always like that,” one of the first-years remark. 

“Not true,” Kuroo says, and he offers a bottle to Kenma. “You just got to get to know the guy, yeah?” 

“You’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly” (G) by boxofwonder ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2628422/chapters/5864243

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tagged Ships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

“The Shallow End” (T) by bluphacelia ✰

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173219

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Tagged Ships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru , Kuroo Tetsurou/Kozume Kenma , Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou

"Welcome to cellblock 1" -- Oikawa is sent to jail for a crime he allegedly didn't commit. The Nekoma-tachi is a well known cat burglar gang. The Fukurodani syndicate is a notorious underground group. And the Academy-trained magic cadets hold order over all.

and thats all for this one folks! Slide into my DMs here or on my twitter if you wanna talk haikyuu, fics, or if you want some help going through this monster of a rec list - I don’t blame you and I’m happy to help you find the perfect fic!!

As well, please check out these authors AMAZING fics and comment, kudos, and tell them on their socials how much you appreciate their works! 

Take your meds, drink water, eat some food, get plenty of sleep, and tell your favorite fan artist that you appreciate them! 

I love you and you got this! 

[arcadianambivalence]

Babylon Berlin, S3E6

There are times when I get so invested in these characters or weary of their futures, I can spend half an episode with my heart in my throat.  

This was one of those episodes, packed with some rather seamless character introductions, chilling historical references, and a few moments of unexpected and touching bravery.

Spoilers under the cut

Katelbach’s article on the secret rearmament is about to be published on the first page of Tempo Editorial so everyone can see that the Treaty of Versailles is being broken. But amidst this victory, the ring of a telephone cuts in.  A team of SA members is on their way to destroy the article—and Katelbach.

Richard “Fritz” and Horst “Otto” are included.  Their boss, Stennes, leads the abuse of staff members, destruction of property, and other intimidation tactics.

The editor, Heymann, gives Katelbach the original documents, then stalls the oncoming SA members long enough for Samuel to escape. Heymann is then violently beaten in front of his staff as a threat against releasing any more information.

It is the day after General Seegers (remember him?) has taken control of the military.  His daughter, Marie-Luise “Malu,” ruffles at the sudden increase in the army’s status and regulations.  She also does not agree with her dad’s principles.  She’s a law student, a few years shy of being recognized as an adult capable of making her own decisions, and she (secretly?) works for Red Aid.  

SEEGERS: “German law dictates my responsibility to care for you and your duty to obey.”

MALU: “What do you know about German law?  As a lawyer, I can tell you—“

SEEGERS: “You’re a third-year student.”  (English dub says it’s her third semester.  That’s a big difference in translation.)

MALU: “That’s long enough to know that a separation of the official and private spheres must be maintained in all areas of civil life.  Except in your parallel universe of order and submission.”

Helga mistrusts the Nazi party, but Moritz only sees it for its youth programs.  In fact, he wants to go on a trip with some new friends.  His mom argues against it: “It’s important to give back to your community, not just take.”  When Moritz lets slip that this is like practice for the military, Helga immediately puts her foot down.  She didn’t live through a war just to have her son want another one.

Meanwhile, Gereon is fine with Moritz’s boy’s group, although I imagine there are some things Moritz conveniently forgot to tell him. Moritz also wants to move in with Fun Uncle Gereon who treats him like an adult but without the responsibility.  (I’m starting to see how this may be a reaction to how Gereon was raised…)  I could write a meta on what this episode says about the generations.

Gereon tries to contact everyone in the list of lawyers, reporters, and engineers (all the great thinkers and researchers) Graf uncovered, but as he goes down the list, he discovers with rising horror just how many people have been arrested and brutalized or even killed already.  One man not yet crossed off the list?  Hans Litten.

After his name was mentioned in almost every episode, we finally, finally, meet Litten, lawyer for Red Aid and another fascinating historical figure.  Lotte asks him to get an appeal for Greta, and Litten (despite a massive backlog of other cases of injustice) takes her on.  He’s not concerned about money, few of his clients can pay anyway, which is a relief to Lotte.

In a brief scene, we’re reminded once again that Zorgibel is not doing well.  (One interesting thing about many Weimar politicians and officials is how many of them died relatively young.  Would history have been different if more of them lived longer?)

Meanwhile, Gereon and Graf discover Fritz and Otto’s real names and link them to Benda’s murder.  Gereon goes to Horst’s apartment to question him (and guess who recruited Moritz’s youth group?), but Horst is busy trying to break into Elisabeth’s house and seize Katelbach.

True to her promise last episode, Elisabeth hides Samuel.  She uses a wardrobe with a false back to cover the door to his room, obscuring the door from view and keeping anyone from seeing any of Katelbach’s papers.  And if that isn’t impressive enough, she agrees to take the evidence back to Heymann for publishing that very day.  

Needless to say, Katelbach is supremely grateful to her.  

(Perhaps their Old Married Couple banter can become Actual Married Couple banter…I can dream, can’t I?)

Remember the doctor’s visit back in episode one?  Helga finally gets the results.  She’s pregnant.  So that’s yet another thing for her to worry about in the future that, more and more, does not have Gereon in it.  

And one more thing to drive her closer to accepting Nyssen, not that he’s even remotely a good choice.  

Ms. Nyssen is embarrassed by her son.  He’s literally kept out of view in some parties.  (The speed at which he latched onto feeling like he represented a “betrayed” Germany is becoming clearer with each appearance he makes).  

Marie-Luise and her sister swap seating arrangements so she can subtly get information from Wendt.  (Speaking of which...what kind of age gap is this?  It’s clearly set up that she’s flirting for information, but if she’s not technically at the age of majority, this seems wildly inappropriate).

He quotes the conservative Ernest Junger.  She shoots back with philosopher Walter Benjamin.  I’d call this two readers flirting, but refer to the previous paragraph.  

And both want to win the conversation more than win each other.  Wendt’s speech to the party seems to be directed down at her in particular.

In a private meeting with other conspirators, Wendt suggests the NSDAP use Nazis to intimidate their enemies and demoralize the people.  The military men are not interested in this plan.  

After a very long absence from this show, Gustav Stresemann arrives to interrupt their meeting and propose a union, which is a puzzling turn of events.  Wasn’t the real Stresemann supposed to be championing the Young Plan at this point, you know, the kind of foreign “interference” these guys would hate?  Or does this represent how he didn’t come down hard enough on the rearmament?  Or does this have to do with Poland? 

But let’s return to the season’s mystery thread.

While reviewing notes from the film case, Lotte realizes Vera lied in an official statement (no surprise to us).  When she confronts Vera (who is still staying at her apartment), Vera reveals Walter pressured her to lie and that she is in grave danger for speaking to Charlotte.  

All clues seem to point to Walter, but even he does not live without fear.  Esther makes her play to star in the movie, which Walter rejects.  “You’re the wife of Edgar Kasabian, the Armenian,” he protests, to which she throws a vase at him and completely shatters his nonchalance about his boss’s wife. 

The threat is silent: Yes, I am the wife of the Armenian, and don’t you forget it.

Suddenly, the Phantom of Wittenburg seems to have been acting with a particular goal, no?

Notes:

The famous journalist Kurt Tucholsky (aka Theobald Tieger, among many other aliases) is mentioned at the beginning of the episode.

Marie-Luise quotes Walter Benjamin, a philosopher and essayist known for “On the Concept of History.”  Benjamin lived in Berlin until the Nazis’ rise to power, after which he settled in Paris, but he could not escape persecution for being Jewish there, either. He committed suicide in 1940 when turned back from the France-Spain border while trying to cross Spain to neutral Portugal.

Wendt quotes Ernst Junger, known for the WWI memoir Storm of Steel (the anti-All Quiet on the Western Front, if you will). 

Gustav Stresemann was a statesman remembered for his part in the Kellogg-Briand Pact that made peaceful resolutions seem possible.  He was very good at making friends in unlikely places, although the desire to reduce reparations was generally at the root of his choices, which I assume is the end goal of this fictional version, too.