#or that fucking dinner of LITERALLY A BAGEL???

[adjectiveadjectiveadjective]

GOOGLE! tell me how to get this my future mother in law to buy basic necessities like Bread! Milk! Eggs! and Meat!

fuming in tags btw

[passiveagreeable]

I can’t find it because searching tumblr sucks and google search quality has seriously just gone kaput, but I’m thinking about a post I saw that was like “don’t let cultural or societal standards force you into eating certain things for breakfast. Any food can be a breakfast food and traditional breakfast foods can be anytime foods.”

Cuz, just. When I was in high school on special days, we would have fried eggs on toast, but now years later, my dad has caught the avocado bug while I’ve been away and so that’s become avocado on toast with fried eggs. So this morning he pops his head in my room and says we have an avocado so how about some eggs. I tell him there’s some leftover rice so I’ll eat that with the rice and he can put it on toast. He’s like okay, whatever, then a moment later he pops back in to say I can do rice and he’ll eat a bagel so I can use our remaining two pieces of bread to make a sandwich for work. Yeah, alright, sure.

So I come out to the kitchen to cut up and season the avocado, as I always do, and he’s slicing a cinnamon raisin bagel, because his other option was parmesan and when we purchased the bagels yesterday, he told me in no uncertain terms that he does not think that parmesan is a breakfast cheese. And he’s getting ready to put avocado and fried eggs on a cinnamon raisin bagel because that is literally how against parmesan for breakfast he is, apparently.

[beehop]

i can’t have dairy 2 hours before or after the antibiotics i’m on for the double ear infection from hell and i was like “oh no big deal” until i realized i eat a lot more dairy than i thought and the pill makes me nauseous if i eat it without food

[makethatelevenrings]

Half Eaten Bagels // J. Todd x gn!reader

Requested? Yes!

WARNINGS: this has heavy discussion of emotional abuse by parents (I literally used a memory of my own home life, thank u therapy), emotional/panic attacks, discussion of food/food waste, disparaging comments made by parents that have been internalized

Summary: Jason had a shit patrol and you try to fix things only for familiar thought processes return from your past.

He didn’t mean to be angry.

You understood that, you really did. Jason wasn’t usually the kind of guy who slammed doors and let his frustration boil over and spill onto you, but today wasn’t a normal day. A drug bust yesterday had gone wrong and people were injured. Civilians and batlings. Jason hated being injured, but not more than he hated others getting hurt for what he deemed to be his failure.

So when you woke up to the sound of the front door slamming that morning, an unsettling emotion sank into the pit of your stomach.

“Jay?” you called softly as you climbed out of bed. You tugged the hem of his sweatshirt down until it hung to your thigh. A pair of soft sleep shorts were hidden underneath, but you didn’t care about propriety. You cared about the safety this single piece of fabric provided.

Quietly, you made your way out of the bedroom and found Jason at the fridge. His shoulders were tight and tense and you could see the edges of bandages peeking out from under his collar.

“Here, let me cook breakfast,” you exclaimed. Jason turned, not surprised by your presence but certainly surprised by your offer. He usually was the one to cook breakfast because it gave him a chance to do something for you before he sent you off to work and then took a nap. You rarely cooked breakfast since your culinary expertise focused more on dinner.

Jason decided not to argue and instead stepped away from the fridge. “I bought more eggs at the bodega and some milk.”

“Okay.” You spoke softly, ensuring that your voice wouldn’t raise at all so he wouldn’t view it as a challenge. That’s how your parents always viewed it. Surviving was simple. Don’t talk back, don’t raise your voice, and just accept whatever they say.

“Here, why don’t you go sit down and watch TV or something?” You pushed him towards the couch, ignoring the confused look he shot your way. Luckily you didn’t work today so you weren’t in a rush, but you also didn’t want to mistime your cooking and give Jason cold food. As you began to fry the eggs, you glanced nervously back at where he was seated.

Yeah, bad move.

The oil popped and caught you on the cheek. You let out a sharp hiss of pain and pressed your finger against the spot in an attempt to soothe the sharp, stinging spot on your skin. Jason was halfway up off the couch when you waved him off.

“Don’t worry. Just me being stupid.”

He sat back down, but kept his gaze on you. Being under his stare was making your stomach roil. Was he waiting for you to fuck up again? No, Jason wasn’t like that. You were being unreasonable. Irrational.

But that’s the thing about anxiety. It’s irrational.

“Damnit.” This time, the bacon grease had caught your wrist and you shook it out quickly before grabbing your spatula again. You also needed to get the coffee machine started because Jason always had the french roast with a shot of creamer and a spoonful of sugar. The bread needed to be in the toaster in the next minute. Was there jelly in the fridge? He liked strawberry jelly on his toast. Did you forget to buy more when you got groceries? Shit.

“What can I help with?” Jason asked.

“Nothing, Jay. I’ve got it.”

His large hand enclosed around your wrist as you went to flip the eggs and you immediately wrenched away from his grasp.

“I said I’ve got it!” Jason stood in stunned silence at your outburst and you immediately dropped the spatula on the ground and sank to your knees. Your arms came up to cover your head as a bone-wracking sob tore through your body.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Wh-what can I do to fix it?” You didn’t want to look at him and see his frustrated face. You didn’t want to know how badly you fucked up.

You waited.

Nothing.

You hesitantly peeked up from the protective cradle your arms had created. The stove and oven had been turned off and Jason sat in front of you on the kitchen floor. His knees were drawn up to his chest but they were spread apart instead of guarding himself like you were. Instead of anger on his handsome face, there was only worry.

“What’s going on?” he finally asked. The words weren’t accusative, but rather a gentle exploration. You shut your eyes and looked away form him, the words to explain getting lost in your frustration. Jason sighed and scooted closer. You didn’t flinch back, but you did keep turned away from him.

“I was late for the bus once,” you said. “And food wasn’t allowed on so I ate half of my bagel and tossed the other half into the trash. I was eleven, y’know? I didn’t think about wrapping it up or saving it or anything but I’m getting off track. I didn’t think about it anymore, right? But then my mom called when she was leaving work to tell me to do the dishes and I could tell she was angry. She and dad had been fighting the night before and I guess work hadn’t made it any easier.

I figured I would be a good kid and do more than do the dishes. I was eleven and I swept and mopped the kitchen floor, I prepared the ingredients for dinner and had it laid out on the counter for her when she came home, and I cleaned off the dining room table. And when she walked in the door, I was doing homework at the table. The perfect kid. Quiet, hardworking, doing more chores than asked.”

Jason was silent as he listened to you. He could sense that there was something heavy hanging around your neck, but you had never elected to share. You always felt as though he suffered enough.

“But that damn bagel…” You took a deep breath in to steady yourself and finally turned your head to look him in the eye, a bitter smile playing on your lips. “She saw it on the top of the trash and lost her shit. Screamed about how fucking useless I was and wasteful. Said I was a waste of space and time. Said she regretted having me. Because of a bagel. I went to bed hungry that night because if I stayed in her eyesight, she would just find new things to be mad at. The utensils weren’t in the right drawers, I got the wrong kind of cheese out, I don’t know.

I learned to manage. I learned to keep her and my dad happy to survive. Being useful meant that I wasn’t worthless or a waste of space. It made me feel like they wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.”

A sob boiled up in your lungs, through your throat, until you were choking on the depths of your childish grief and Jason was at your side in an instant. One of his hands cradled your head to his chest as the other stroked up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you chanted.

“No. No, stop apologizing. Nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I came in so angry.” He pressed kisses to your temple, forehead, hair as he whispered quiet apologies and faint praises.

“This is your home,” you whimpered. “You have a right to be whatever the fuck you want. You shouldn’t repress your anger because of me.”

He sighed and rested his chin on the top of your head. “You’re right. I just…I can’t see you like this again, sweetheart. You were freaking me the fuck out. And don’t you fuckin’ apologize.”

You hummed, your ear nestling against the fabric of his shirt and right over where his heart rested in his chest. The steady beat lulled you, regulating your breathing and heart rate with his. In and out. In and out. Your hips nestled between his legs, his strong hands holding you up…you had never felt more safe.

“How about this?” His breath washed over your cheek and you tilted your head up to take in the sight of his furrowed brow and sharp, calculating eyes. “You know how we have a safeword for scenes?”

You nodded, curious as to where he was going with this. Jason licked his dry lips and then grimaced before continuing. “What if we make a safe word for this? Anytime I think you’re in a bad headspace or you find yourself falling back into old patterns, we call the word and time out. Sit down, talk it out, get out of the house, do something that isn’t some sort of task you think you need to do to appease me.”

“Yeah, that could work.”

“Alright.” HIs cool lips pressed against your temple once again. “How does Pluto sound?”

You giggled. “Like the planet?”

“Good, you still acknowledge its rightful designation. Does that work?”

“Yeah.”

Jason squeezed your hip and then made you sit up and face him. He wiped away the sticky tears that were quickly drying on your skin and then grasped your hands. He rose them to his face and pressed a delicate kiss to each palm.

“What word do we use for the bedroom?” he asked.

“Giraffe.”

Jason kissed your inner wrist. “Good. And for outside of the bedroom?”

“Pluto.”

He kissed the other wrist and then pulled you into his chest once more. “Good. That’s good.”

“I’m sorry the food’s cold,” you whispered against his cheek.

“Don’t you worry about that right now. I gotcha.”

Tag List: @khaetiin​ @mcrmarvelloki​ @gone-batty-fics​ @someoneimsure​ @perpetual-fangirl900​ @visagebrise​ @cursedandromedablack​ @alexxavicry​ @the-wayward-daughter​ @raging-trash-of-mind​ @kat-nee​ @khaylin27​

[killerchickadee]

The notes in that parents income post are both hilarious and infuriating because there's literally people in the notes saying "I make $100k but you need that to survive where I live because rent is $2k a month!"

And I'm like. Bro that means you still have like $6k for everything else every month, the fuck you mean?

I realize that isn't RICH rich, but when I was in college, after I paid rent I had $150 to live on for the rest of the month. I mean gas, food, everything. I'd eat a bagel for breakfast and half a box of mac and cheese for lunch/dinner, and that was it. I couldn't afford soap. I couldn't afford the gas to drive anywhere outside of work or school. So yes if you're making $100,000 a year you're rich, shut the fuck up.

[sleaterkinnie]

think of all the kids who would excel in school if they simply always had enough nutritional food. i can't tell you how much it sucks to be in school when you're hungry and you don't know what you're eating for dinner if anything at all like i promise you my grades would've been better had i not been hungry every fucking day. i would've been able to focus i would've had energy and motivation but instead i was exhausted and hungry because all i ate was a bagel i literally stole and a bag of chips that came with the disgusting and pathetic excuse of a free lunch. maslow's hierarchy of needs literally shows that you cannot fully think or do other things if your basic needs have not been met and yet you're not allowed to eat in class and you have to meet specific criteria to be allowed a free lunch and if you have to pay for lunch and you don't have the money you're fucked and you get nothing

[supercoolfelluh]

post-apocalypse headcanons!

cordelia goode

-cordy remembers parts of the timeline, usually the memories come back to her in her dreams

-being supreme, she has the biggest room in the entire house, and let the witches sleep with her for the first couple of weeks after the apocalypse

-one of the times that she comforted misty, they ended up confessing their love for each other shared a kiss (crying rn)

-after most of the coven had calmed and settled down, cordy started to invest in different forms of magic, such as learning voodoo skills from queenie, who cordy convinced to fully rejoin the coven (yayy!)

misty day

-misty had A LOT of nightmares from all the events of her life (burning at the stake, being forced to kill frogs in hell, the apocalypse, etc.), and cordy comforted her in all of them :)

-after the apocalypse, stevie came to cheer her up and they sang fleetwood mac songs together while transmutating around the academy (stevie used her super cool singing moneymaking and bought misty a whole bunch of vinyls and shawls)

-when misty needed something to lower her levels of stress, she ended up renovating her entire shack by hand (dw she saved her plants)

-makes her own bagels, which would be the most scrumptious thing on the planet, even madison said they were really good AND SHE SAID THIS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. and then when everyone ate them all cordy said she wanted to taste it again she immediately started to make out with misty in front of everyone (they werent surprised)

zoe benson

-doesnt remember the alternate timeline very well but gets weird phantom headaches from time to time (oops.)

-got drunk at a bar trying to pretend like she has a normal life and ended up hooking up with a woman and when she woke up the next day somehow back at the academy she was confused abt why her fling didnt die and realized that her killer pussy only works on men and then MAGICALLY realized she was a lesbian

-one time when madison woke up from a nightmare, zoe let her sleep in her bed and they've been doing it ever since. at some point, madi's nightmare was so bad that she was just bawling while holding zoe close to her and when zoe was comforting her they made eye contact and they were like that for like three minutes until they finally kissed

-when zoe went to check up on misty, she found her at the shack while literally carrying huge ass planks of wood on her back and climbing on a huge pile of more wood to put those planks of wood to make a second floor of her wood shack (so much fucking wood) and zoe just stood there and it took an hour for her to snap out of it and for misty to notice her standing there

madison montgomery

-madi probably had the worst nightmares out of the entire coven, but it was actually more flashbacks of the frat party in coven than the actual apocalypse

-her love language is insults with most people, but with people she loves the most its physical touch, which she shows with zoe, cordy, and surprisingly she leans on mallory from time to time

-madi never really got therapy for any of the shit that she dealt with, and she started to burn herself with cigarette butts. when zoe found out, she convinced her to stop burning, stop smoking, AND go to therapy (best gf ever)

-she became way less bitchier after everything, and sometimes is the most vulnerable of the coven. she jumps and sometimes cries when a there's a loud sound, she helps zoe and queenie with their witch classes, and very rarely does favors for the coven such as getting groceries and helping cook dinner (she learned a few things from queenie)

will post a part 2 :)

[finalmemesx]

The Last Book on the Left

By the Last Podcast on the Left.

"I am paid literally hundreds of dollars to suck on television."

"Always use a condom."

"I'm actually supposed to be a very important millionaire."

"Disgustingly, this is an actual genre on Pornhub."

"This is before they started killing people!"

"There are more red flags in this relationship than what you see in Google Maps when you search for bagel shops in Brooklyn."

"You have no business having this level of confidence."

"Now I am scared."

"None of us care what you learn in your fancy law school books."

"They might as well have been driving Jigsaw's bicycle."

"If you want to get out of responsibilities, you do something badly and no one asks you to do it again."

"It would be really inspiring if it didn't lead to so much homicide."

"Most cold-blooded SOB is Stone Cold Steve Austin."

"I hope to play them in the eventual CW teen drama about his life."

"It's hard for a parent to comprehend their child might be a vampire."

"You gotta get good at the cunnilingus and keep yourself in the game."

"Oh wait, that's bad."

"Fucking metal! But also incredibly scary."

"This is like blaming the road for you crashing your car while drunk."

"I can't be mixing any thoughts of brunch into this."

"Remind me to get a 'not welcome' sign on my door immediately!"

"You look at them like Wayne looked at the Excalibur guitar in Wayne's World."

"Here is where I tap out like Kurt Angle tapped to Chris Jericho."

"You're living a metal god's dream."

"Most homosexual lifestyles involve going to work, making dinner, watching Top Chef, and going to sleep."

"I will say if someone really loves kombucha, they might be a serial killer."

"More information that gives me pause regarding my friendships."

"Evidently the recipe isn't the only secret there."

"That's a city ordinance violation."

"Excuse me while my skin crawls off my body."

"I would have loved to see their Tinder profile."

"I also haven't committed dozens of murders."

"I am certain this made you very popular at school."

"You're finally ready for Hollywood!"

"Weed makes me want to watch movies, eat a burrito, and stare at the sky to see if any stars move."

"I'm completely romanticizing the life of a detective."

"When are you guys going to catch that motherfucker?"

"Life you haven't stroked it covered in popcorn."

"But those people are nerds."

"We've got a nerd alert!"

"It really was a different time for angry mobs of people."

"It's official, I am never having children."

"This is why I only hung out with the troublemakers in school."

"I fucking hate you."

"I do it better and I can come faster."

"And what I wouldn't give for a taste of that sweet Baba Yaga milk."

"This is where humor saves people from becoming a cannibal."

"You have to put the blame on yourself if you get caught."

"Nothing good happens under a bridge."

"Sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery."

"I'm not going to sleep for the rest of the week, but it was fascinating information!"

"Similar to when I get super stoned and realize all the Domino's I just ate."

"And I thought the fleshlight was a bit extreme."

"What the hell was going on in the 1980s?"

"I'm never going to trust my neighbors again."

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxvii.g: Soul Quench, the day as well more than a few unsightly individuals were going to be waiting for me … so many little rodents ready to bite at the sewer boy returned surface. I gently try and get up, slowly moving M off of me, sliding her down my left side onto the couch rest … however, M was no deep sleeper, something we had in common … so she awoke pretty much instantly. “H-hey … *Stretch*” she leaned in and put her hand on my chest. “Gotta get up?” I slide the rest of her onto the couch. Yeah … time to get moving on a lot of things, gotta talk to Mrs.Van … get some things settled with her, and try and cut some kind of deal to get rid of that fucking Gangster. Gotta … go dig up my gun as well. “What!? Is that really the best option here? I mean first of all … I’d really rather you not go talk with her … you know she’ll just bring more trouble our way … she’s just gonna … she is gonna use you again like she did in the past Red.” I know … but let us face facts M … we’ve thought on this for four and a half months and there is no other option here, we both know that I’ve remained hidden merely out of luck and through your help/generosity … If I were to leave this building unshielded uncloaked … I’d be cooked within an hour … I can’t live like this, can’t live at all even if I were to leave The City again, I’d just be constantly looking over my back … I need … I have to do this. “*Sigh* fine … But don’t you dare dig up that gun unless Mrs.Van says so, and you really have to, as of now … you don’t have to do that, so don’t … promise me” I won’t dig it up unless it really gets to that point … I promise. “Mmm … you better not break that promise, Devil … ” She moved her hand from my chest to my lower left jaw, grabbing it. “Because if you do … You’ll need more than that gun to save you from me … I’ll burn you and this whole city to the ground … understand?” … Understood … She let go of my Jaw and jumped up. I couldn’t help but stare at her walk away as she disappeared into her bedroom. I get up as well, and put on my clothes from last night that were laying sloppily against the ground. I finished up, fixed my shirt that was slightly folded inwards, and out came M stunning in a purple suit, ready for work, walking in a hurry, fixing her hair. “And don’t forget … ” … I won’t … “Oh yeah? Then what was I referring to?” … Anniversary of The Revolutionary War happened today, DOWN WITH THOSE RE- “NOOO!!! … you promised me a special dinner plan … and were gonna make me feel special … or did you forget?” OHHHhhh … yeah I fuckin forgot. “RED!!!” I REMEMBER NOW!!! And so it will be fine … I have … literally … the greatest idea/plan/proposition/ploy … “red” … scheme/proposal/objective/intent. She walked over to me and flicked my forehead with the power of a medieval battering ram, feeling the full smack of her nail dig into my skin. “I’ve been seriously looking forward to this … so please, don’t forget” … I won’t … she smiled and walked out the front door, smiling at me and waving as she disappeared out the door. I pick up a raisin bagel from one of the bags … stick it into my mouth, and out the door I go as well … to go see … Mrs.Van, The Viper.

01010100 01100101 01101110 01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110

[pepprs]

ok hi. not to be stupid about this publicly once again but it’s 5:34 am [update it is now 5:53 am] and i have gotten absolutely HORRIBLE sleep tonight. first bc i was so stressed that i couldn’t fall asleep until 1:30am. then because my sister is sleeping in our room again (long story) which is good for her bc she’s making progress w her ocd but it means that she comes in with h the flashlight on after 2am and has to check the room and she leaves the bedroom door wide open which distorts the white noise from the sojnd machine which is right in front of my bed. and she’s like laughing at stuff on her phone too so all the subtleties of sound and light disrupt me and wake me up and throw me off. and also it’s freakishly hot so i woke up a couple times bc of that. and now im awake at 5:30ish after barely sleeping for 4 hours bc im stressed bc it’s Passover and my moms bday and im leaving work early today and tomorrow for the “””””Seder””””” (which again literally is not a seder it’s just dinner w my grandpa) and barely have time to get anything done at work and haven’t done anything for my mom and have to clean the house for my grandpa to come over and we literally don’t even have a dinner table yet likr idkw aht the fuck we’re going to do.. and also im fucking STARVING. because guess what!!!! we have to stop eating bread!!!! and i usually have 4 slices with avocado / guac on them before i go to sleep but there were only 4 slices left in the whole house so i had 2 so my brother will get to have the other 2 during the day. and my stomach is howling rn. and we have other things to eat like fruit and stuff but nothing that’s not going to throw me off.. like im not about to eat an orange at 5:30am it’s going to set my throat on fire with the acid this early in the morning. and we don’t have any snack foods in this house or like anything that can be made without having to prepare it for a while bc of our diet (lol). and we don’t have any flatbread or tortillas or whatever yet. so im going fucking crazy and feeling resentful abt passover again and wondering what the hell im going to do going into work and not being able to eat bagels for breakfast after not being able to eat my bedtime snack and being this hungry and stressed and miserable for a week on top of everything else. lol

[dteamain]

i thought you were stupid when, in fact, i was the stupid one. don't know why i forgot gluten free bagels existed when i literally work in a bakery but okay. hope you enjoyed your dinner lol

the life of extreme allergies is people constantly assuming your are dumb as fuck and lying 👍

[freckleslikestars]

Y’know that feeling when you’re hungry and all you want to eat is a bagel like you wanna make the best damn bagel you’ve ever eaten, but also it’s like half four and you don’t have bagels (or any fillings at all) in the house and you also don’t have anything for dinner apart from cinnamon rolls and literally why is the only food in your house cinnamon rolls what the fuck is wrong with you but you’ve just made coffee so you don’t want to have to go out and buy food to cook for dinner or food for bagels so you just sit there staring at the wall because you can’t focus on what you’re drawing because your stomach keeps rumbling

[fractallogic]

Okay self, here’s the plan for tomorrow

Bagel and cream cheese, banana, yogurt for breakfast. Minimally banana and yogurt.

Take the trash out the second you throw the banana peel away because it smells SO FUCKING BAD for some reason. Doesn’t matter that it’s not even half full. Get that out of the house. Disgusting. (Also this is why I fucking hate having the laundry in the garage. It smells like gas fumes and garbage. In the summer it’s hot as fuck, and in the winter it’s freezing cold. It’s full of spiders. WHY CANT WE HAVE THE LAUNDRY INSIDE THE HOUSE)

Read something?? Downstairs?? Not too hot??

It is supposed to be NINETY FIVE degrees tomorrow and 96 the day after, like 37.5 C.

Today it was like 87 degrees outside, 82 upstairs, and 77 downstairs because the AC in my house is a goddamn fucking joke. Well, downstairs it’s fine. In my bedroom it’s fine (it’s currently cranked down to 66!). In literally any other place in the upstairs, it is hot as balls. I miss Tucson.

I was so hot and cranky after writing today and I thought I was going to barf during (a very normal and air-conditioned) yoga because I was so overheated. I think my meds make me more sensitive to heat, which is incredibly annoying, because the COLD makes EVERYTHING HURT, so now apparently I have to be at EXACTLY THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE or I’ll DIE

On one hand, campus is closed to everyone without keycard access (not me!!), so I could hypothetically go to campus and do work in my office, until my south-facing window gets too hot… but what if everyone being gone due to holiday means that they don’t turn the AC on either???

Well, anyway, eat lunch before you go anywhere if you’re hungry after breakfast—shin ramen + corn + egg

Do something somewhere at some point. Maybe email other prof and say we’re not doing the grant. She doesn’t have to know that it’s because I’m now too psychically tortured by the prospect of getting yelled at by multiple people for doing things at the last minute and therefore haven’t put an ounce of work into it. And it’s also because if I have the chance to get a job paying six figures instead while doing less work than i would as a postdoc, I’m gonna put my effort into that. Duh.

Idk we can just read more. Tannen’s gender and discourse isn’t gonna read itself before it’s due back at the library.

We should write up the stats for the paper too. That will be sort of relatively easy.

Dinner at some point: the warm chickpea salad thing

Take a walk. Or take one in the morning before it’s hot as balls. Idk. But take a walk. It’s important.

Now is when we have to lounge in front of the TV or play video games or something

Don’t open the window to keep the house as quiet as possible for Artemis

At 10:30 turn off video games and watch 2 sitcom episodes (JUST TWO) and have some dessert if you want some

Shower. Bed. This again. But earlier. Please.

[601billionlazer]

I hope my parents never buy us food ever again

Okay, so I live in a pretty populated house, I live with my parents, my older sibling, their partner, my younger brother, and two youngest siblings (I also live with my cat but she is irrelevant to this rant.) So the house is pretty crowded so as you can imagine meals are expensive. Often, my parents will just buy shit in bulk from costco like Cup of Noodle and Kraft Mac & Cheese. And I’m talkin’ that blue box shit, none of that microwave cup bs. So often they’ll make us dinner or ask one of the oldest in the house to make dinner for everyone in their place. If nobody is able to, we often find ourselves getting takeout. Takeouts expensive as fuck for a house of 8 as you could imagine, so that option is usually reserved for if not everyone in the house will be joining us for a meal. If nobody is making dinner, and we aren’t getting takeout, THAT is precisely what the ramen and mac are for.

I know I rambled on for a bit there about pointless shit, but the tl;dr is my parents buy a lot of foods in bulk, typically shit you can just microwave or add hot water or throw in an air fryer and eat hassle free. On nights where we resort to these meals and don’t eat as a family, we refer to as “every man for himself” nights and they happen more often than you might think, especially in the fall when everyones busy with school and work. For some reason I can’t explain, I always make it a personal challenge upon myself to finish these bulk foods as soon as possible—even if the food is ass. So for a week straight I’ll have Cup of Noodles for lunch every day, I’ll make myself two boxes of Mac at a time, I’ll airfry some chicken nuggets and put them all a sandwich with lettuce and mayo, pizza bagels in the blender, I’m fucking gross bro but I HAVE to get through these meals. I want those crates empty. Why do I do this? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just the completionism mindset that makes seeing an empty crate once filled with sodium rich pre-cooked noodles feel so cathartic. I especially feel this way with breakfast cereals. My parents buy us breakfast cereal all the time, but NOBODY eats cereal in this house, especially not the fucking lucky charms and raisin bran and cinnamon toast crunch my folks keep nabbing. So I take it upon myself to have a bowl every morning until the cereal is gone, because I don’t wanna see the cereal they bought go to waste.

Y’all are probably imagining my homer simpson ass as a big lookin amorphous blob of microwave food, and that’s fine, I wouldn’t call myself fat but I’m certainly unhealthy as fuck I probably have a couple months left to live after the way I’ve been eating. The constant exposure to giant crates of empty calories and the allure of eating meals feeling like ticking off boxes on a list may be enabling these habits. But that is NOT the reason my parents need to stop buying food, oh no no no dear reader. The REAL reason my parents must never let a mere crumb of food enter this house ever again is because of the overwhelming crushing feeling of defeat I feel when I’m about to get to the last box of mac and cheese and suddenly the pantry has been restocked. The biggest problem here is some of the foods nobody in the house even fucking likes, like the cereal I mentioned earlier, I am quite literally ONLY eating it to get rid of it. But my parents will see this and thing “Huh, the frosted flakes are nearly empty! Our kids must love frosted flakes!” AND BUY LIKE 4 BOXES IN BULK AT COSTCO. IN MY ATTEMPT TO NOT BE WASTEFUL WITH THE CEREAL, I ONLY WOUND UP POURING GASOLINE ON THE PROBLEM. Honestly, the more I write about this the more I realize it’s just about cereal. Like the same thing happens with the soups and macs, but at least I’m not the only one who eats that shit. With the cereal though, I’m suffering through bowl after bowl of special k. Sometimes at 2 in the morning my sibling will come out of their room for a bowl of cocoa pebbles and we’ll sit and talk while we eat cereal together. It’s fun but they can’t have anything with gluten and it’s not like they know I’ve made this habit for myself. So the moral of the story is make me a salad, I should probably go on a diet.

[solivagant-mors]

day 2 16:8 gm

yesterday my mom started asking me questions talking about "i love that your meal prepping" yeah..... so that i don't go out anywhere. anyway hoping for a better day! i was so focused on how my fucking stomach was feeling yesterday i couldnt focus on anything but making a shit ton of food really helped oddly (however i will say I wanted to snack sooooo bad). i think i have a boyf?? maybe idk im not expecting much but it gives me extra motivation bc you know.. i want to find myself attractive again.

what i ate yesterday below:

Breakfast: 1/2 egg bagel w/ 1 1/2 - 2 Tbsp. cream cheese 24 oz. water 240 cal.

Lunch: ..........

Dinner: 1 cup rice and beans 1/2 bottle of Gatorade < this was a fail > 24 oz. water 350-374 cal.

Snack: 24 oz. water

total cal: 614 steps: 2,289 water: 54 oz.

sugar, soda, and chocolate cravings are atrocious they literally kept me from sleeping.

[vntildeath]

my partner (who knows i "had" an ed in the past) started getting suspicious bc they kind of? noticed i didnt eat at all yesterday so they made a bunch of random af food for us to share to watch a movie together and if i didnt indulge them i was scared i wouldnt be able to continue progressing.. i was SO close to reaching my next gw .. literally a fucking lb and a half and id be there im so upset

i think this is more of a forced binge ig? idk i shouldnt have eaten earlier or it wouldve been less fuck

posting intake here to shame myself in a way but idk ik it wasnt fully my fault but it still feels like it

Dinner (that i made myself):

shredded chicken (400), lettuce (12), dressings (120) = 542 cals

binge:

half a bagel but counting the whole thing bc theyre NEVER cut in half properly and i hate it (240), cream cheese (35), eggs but i think they used butter to cook them (120), part of some cinnamon roll dessert thing they made (idk 500) = 895 cal

total: 1437 cals FOR ONE DAY im losing it, i know logically its not that many cal and like i know logically this is fine but

this is the biggest fail day ive had in almost 2 months and im so scared to know how far this will push me back

the whole point of me eating earlier was to start a new fast early in the evening but now im back to starting one at like 11 at night so ill just go off myself brb