#or that time i had to piss in a bag because my job basically doesnt allow bathroom breaks

[selamat-linting]

something is definitely wrong with me but she's (jennifer) just like me fr

[animaljam67]

My work had a team meeting last night and i dont think one specific attitude in the workplace has ever pissed me off more than what my boss did.

For context- i work at a chain consignment/resale store. There are 9 other of the same business in the PNW and surrounding area, but the one that i work at is the busiest . we get people coming in from north and south along I5. as far south as redding california and as north as eugene oregon. keep in mind this is also the only resale shop in my town. there are few in my county. and basics none in neighboring counties, that have similar populations.

a month or so before i started working with them, one manager quit and a bunch of girls went with her. pretty much all of them. we have all been told it was “girl drama”. and they had to hire all new staff. so everyone working- EVERYONE WORKING- is in training. even my manager who works in store, who for the first few weeks of my time at the job was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to hire, interview, train, make schedules, try to manage back to school rush, and deal with firing as well.

In all- all my coworkers and myself definitely need to use this time of lull with a sufficient amount of workers after the back to school stuff to reflect on what works and doesnt work, what we want out of our jobs and vise versa, and make gameplans about how we can improve the flow of the store.

for reference, we have already been trying to do what our boss- who is the store owner, she lives in utah and came in to our store on one occasion for 4 ish days- wanted us to do. there were “task priorities” and “stations” that had been layed out for us, the girls who have watched the training videos know. though, like myself, most of us havent seen any videos, or havent gotten to that one. we were dealing with record amounts of buys. like, hundreds of bags were being processed a day. usually, its supposed to work like this: customer brings their bag in. they fill out a buy slip with all necessary information, label their bag, and leave it with us. within the next hour or so, we will have went through everything in their bag, figured out what we wanted and why and what we would give back to the customer. we text them, they come in (same day), and get the rest of their clothes, and the cash or store credit they earned. if they dont come in to pick it up within 48 hours of our text to them that their clothing has been processed, we will automatically donate what we didnt want and give them store credit. ive tryed to give people leniency when they cant come in to get their bag in the allotted time. i once had a woman an who had dropped her clothes off the day prior and they hadnt been processed yet, and i didnt know when it would be. she was pregnant and had to end up scheduling some sort of bloodwork in the hospital, her husband would have her car and she was planning to use the bus to come to our store to get her cash, but because she would have to take the bus to the doctors office to have the work done, which would take much longer since it would be across town across multiple busses, she likely couldnt come in on any other day than that present day, and i also didnt have a single clue when her buy would be processed. i personally know how long it takes to ride the bus anywhere- especially when you have to get off one route and get on another. i was hoping we could either figure out a way to process it today and she could come in or a way to hold that cash for her, since she expressed the need for that rather than the credit, which is understandable. many people come in frequently and they use the money they earn as gas money. it makes sense. but i was the only person up there. in the front. after i picked up the phone for maybe the the 2nd or 3rd time into working there. there were customers in the store, so i couldnt go to the back to ask my manager what to do. i said we would call her back later in the day, when somebody else was coming in and we could have an answer for her then. i wrote this all down on a piece if receipt paper and as soon as i could i rushed to the back to give the slip to my manager and tell her the situation. she said she would, later. im not sure if she ever did.

this problem and other ones like it wouldnt arise if we held any sort of control over the acceptance of buys. we have a strict open-to-an-hour-before-close-every-day-but-sunday schedule to bring in buys. my manager will sometimes call it herself when its midday and the bag area would be overflowing and there was going to be only three girls working for the rest of the day at the end of the hour. and technically, per our owners rules, its actually supposed to be all open hours, 7 days a week, and you stop PROCESSING buys an hour before close. ????????????

keep in mind ive worked there for a month and still have not been trained in buying. i do what is basically the equivalent of a dishwasher job and was hired for much more than that. i do warehouse work for the store, while also helping customers. girls who were hired right before me or even after me are progressing further in training and even being put into shift lead positions, but i spend every shift tagging, racking, and hanging clothes. i see every article of clothing that goes into that store. i see what sells and what doesnt. i see what we have surplus of and what we need more of. i see the duplicates. i see the 7 cropped tight fit ribbed baby doll sleeved t shirts in every color of the rainbow. im the one who has to untangle the tank top straps because there is more hangers of the rack that it can actually hold.

but, to get to the main point of this post, is how my boss interacted with me in the meeting.

We showed up, clocked in, and were handed self assessments. we start filling them out but we stop and are told to gather around my manager’s phone on facetime with the big lady. she opens the conversation with talking about how we were a family, and that she had spent the year of 2020 (when the store was closed) reflecting on what a family really needs to function and what it means to be a job that people want to work for. she also offhandedly said there was also a period of time when no one wanted to work and “aghh if any of you girls did that like ughh i dont know” and quickly went on to start explaining her personal “magic”. she frequently told us that she is working her dream job because of us which whatever it meant something to me the first time she said it but after the 4th i was just like … okay you love your job and making systems and cool alright you live in utah whatever.

she also talked about breaks- and specifically how if you are going to vape or smoke you MUST clock off because she is not paying you to smoke or vape- and thats her magic in caring for us and making our lives a bit better.

but after her spiel about the culture of the workplace she went into going over the assessment we were given, explaining and asking the group for our answers to the questions. and i talked the most out of anyone in that meeting.

this was pretty much how the whole thing went. question- whats your personal magic/what are you confident in at your job? silence. i answered- im confident in my ability to tag and rack efficiently. Cool! anybody else? (crickets) … i answered again- i think [coworker’s name] has a great ability to organize, not only in how things should get done but what big things need to get done. if theres a big pile of unsorted clothes she’ll go through it.

(crickets)

at one point she skips a question asking about what she or our other manager could do better. and i dont mean like, it was printed and she didnt read it, she didnt allow us any floor to speak on what we thought she could do better. and when i brought my answer to her next question- which is what could WE be doing better- back around to what she could do better, she didnt respond to that part of my reply.

this is what made me lose hope for her to ever listen to me-

at the end, after going through the questions and the breakdown of how a store should be set up (as in whos doing what when) and me providing valid criticisms to her structure to which she responded “this system has worked and works at the other 9 stores so thats how it is going to work:)” and she was sending us off with some wise words or whatever, she talks about how if we want something to be changed we should speak up for ourselves and that we should tell her if she could do something better and that communication is key for communities.

whad.

[the-nsr-family]

Timeline as of Now, for the main AU

Before Game Bullshite

Kliff as a groupie that was heavily attached to Tatiana (as Ful Kyra) that helped manipulate the down fall of the band as he thought the group held her back. He also was part of the fans that encouraged her drinking and drug addiction (as she was more “cuddly” with his when drunk or high_\)

Nickolas (Tatiana’s older twin brother and mayday’s father) tries multiple times to regain contact with his “little” sister. Almost managed it once, but both he and tatiana had unworked out toxicity (largely because of their parents) that erupted into two lava monsters almost duking it out at NSR tower and Tatiana banning him from the city. (she didnt ban him from the city, but he and his wife couldnt step foot into her tower again.

Tatiana further cuts contact when mayday is born.

Nickolas and Crythaila (his wife) died in an accident soon after mayday turns 10

Mayday enters foster care, actually dispising her mysterious Aunt who could have stepped forward and helped her

Tatiana isnt informed of her brothers death for a good 2-6 years after the accident, and due to time and a typo is lead to believe Mayday is dead too. This leads to a minor breakdown in her office, after which she doubles down on her new persona and refusing to allow her label to sign a contract with any form of rock or indie band.

Mayday runs away from a bad foster home, a bag of her belongings, a few old records and carefully taped togather photos are all she has. she’s around 15. She doesnt meet zuke until she’s 19 and Aunt until she’s 16. She finds out about The Typo and begrudingly forgives “Aunt Ana” for not coming forward as she’s listed as Dead here.

They breifly meet soon after mayday and zuke start becoming friends, Mayday Ironicly comforting Tatiana over her own death at an underground Indie concert (Tatiana was feeling a wee bit nostaligic around the tenth aniversery of her brothers death. went to one to briefly pretend everyone was alive and while and they were just starting out and proving a point to their parents)

The Game Happens-

pretty much like normal only tatiana is even more haunted/enraged by B2J as Mayday shares her “dead” Nieces name Exactly and she sees traits of bother her brother and his wife (their former drummer) in her.

Only thing not going for mayday in the “maybe she is my niece” is her powers hadn’t awoken just yet, while tatiana and her brother pretty much where born with theirs and the powers grew with them.

Post-Game/Our Au Story Line-

Kliff escapes into where ever after they stop the satilite

Tatiana gives B2j her number in cause they need any thing and Mayday is give her old guitar as her’s was distroyed during the final fight.

Tatiana starts to deep dive into what happen with her brothers family, conferms it’s a Typo that her neice died in the accident (Mayday had been home with a babysitter that night), and had gone into foster care until she was 15 and vanished from all public records, but the police presumes shes dead at this point due to no one stepping forward about her.

Tatiana wonders if Mayday Onyx The Rebel Rockstar is her Niece, but doesnt gather the courage to question her just yet, instead she’s flooded with rebuilding paperwork, having to plan out how to inclued more artists to the payroll/ quasa performance schedual and repairing Mayday’s guitar to track them down just yet.

On B2J’s part, they’re laying pretty low, they had a stressful week, and would have likely had kliffs actions put on their shoulders if they didnt put an active effort into stopping his final “if you won;t do as i say, i’ll kill everyone in vinyl city” bit.

they post a few songs on their website, do a few sessions on Zam radio winding down with friends and just recovoring, sending some other pretty talented artists Tatiana’s way as a “thanks for not kicking us out of the city” gester.

Trust issues have formed, Zuke isnt likely to call her, Mayday seems to have an odd hurt-yet-admiration for tatiana still (she finaly figured out who her aunt was, and was in the middle of trying to decide if she wanted a family relationship with her, or was cool with them just being possible co-workers/ boss and employee)

Zuke and DK West slowly start to repair their relationship (most of DK west development happened in the background of this whole mess but it starts in game after you battle him for the third time, both he and zuke offer to teach mayday how to actually rap as… she wasnt bad… but she sure as hell wasnt good either)

West almost gets jumped, warns the two to be on the look out, but neither thinks much of it as West has pissed off alot of people.

Then they get ganged up on and while they fight them off pretty good, mayday goes down and zuke goes feral for a few minutes to get to her. He scoops her up and the three (Dont forget about Ellie) Book it into the maze like back-alleys to escape.

Zuke has to call someone. He cant call his brother as he’s a city away, he cant call Aunty (her support of them cost her alot of business for a while and he cant cost her anymore rn) and their other friends all have day-jobs too. he calls tatiana as a last ditch effort for help. she picks up on the frist ring. a few seconds of talking has him breaking down crying and asking for help

This actually scares Tatiana a little bit and she goes to help them personally.

Mayday is aware enough to have a freakout/meltdown for being in a car on the drive to the hospital, which almost sets ellie and zuke off again (long heartbreaking drive for tatiana as she tries to calm them down and do some basic first aid so that they’re in less pain.

They arrive at the emergency room, zuke and mayday are separated and sedated to be worked on. animal control takes Ellie to an exoitic vet to be looked at. Tatiana is left in the waiting room, blood likely on her outfit from carrying mayday.

Tatiana makes a few calls, cancles several meetings and informs Eve on what happened.

For safety reasons they move in with tatiana, West goes toget their stuff from the sewer base (he is almost attacked by B2J’s friends before he clarifies what happened and what he is doing there)

a week and a half after moving in with tatiana, they meet up with 1010, who thankfully dont mention they still look like shit, but also are some of the frist to find out Zuke is Hyper protective over Mayday when Haym’s arm gets a little to close while he’s telling a story.

(part 1 cause we actually have lot)- heartbreaker _________ iokldjdsnlm this AU went a long way in such a short time-

[ruffiorocks]

Relationship Parallels on Supergirl and why Jonn and Mgann were in my opinion the WORST one!

(Long post)

Sooo this is my last post before I take a break from here and Supergirl as I'm just not enjoying it at all anymore. The plot makes no sense, the characters aren't themsleves, guest stars get more of a story arc than the main characters, Lena suddenly trusts Lex after all we have ever seen her do is talk about how manipulative her family is and we even saw her reading about his manipulation of her last season! Kara is still getting to hold all the cards and information and instead of oh I don't know SHARING that info with Lena SHE decides to just wash her hands of her and sit this one out? The 'heroes' can still do anything they want, even join Lex without any repercussions because erm... reasons I guess? But Lena still has to prove herself CONSTANTLY. Oh and finally Kara and William? It's following the exact same trope as the Mon El and Kara story did, but at least they had a connection 😤.

But anyway, I've seen mentions that one of the only 'healthy' straight relationships on the show was Jonn and Mgann......erm......am I the only one who remembers how that went down? Am I the only one who doesn't think that Jonn can be excused of all the HORRIBLE things he's done because he's been called "papa bear" and "space dad"? Don't remember what I'm referring to? Let me elaborate.

First off I'm not Jonns biggest fan due to his murderous tendencies when he sees a white Martian, his blantent MURDER of an unarmed and deeply troubled Manchester Black who in no way deserved to die and Jonn had no right to kill. Oh and his relaxed use of Kryptonite on Kara. You know, all those things people like to put Lena down for, but forget that Jonn did them all to.

But his relationship with Mgann was not the epic romance you all seem to falsely remember it was. This was Romeo and Juliet where Romeo BEAT Juliet almost to death!!

Mgann was quietly working at the Alien dive bar when Maggie brought Alex there and suddenly the place wasn't quite the safe haven it had been. Maggie brought a DEO agent who's job it was in season one to simply hunt and lock up aliens to their safe spot?? Alex then of course told Jonn who decided to make his presence known there! The director of the Alien hunting, no trial, we just lock you up forever DEO went to the Alien safe space!

Mgann who had been quietly and peacefully living her life (and helped Alex out with info) recognised Jonn as a green Martian. Instead of staying in her safe spot she decided to avoid any confrontation and move on, probably because she was scared of what would happen. Jonn chases after her and confronts her where she feels like she has to pretend to be a green Martian. Who wouldn't?

Jonn pesters her over making the Martian Bond to preseve their history, and she says no because obviously she can't. But he keeps on about it to her. (Not unlike a certain William being told to back off but still persistent 🤔).

Now remember that Mgann told Jonn a version of the story of how she got away from the Martian Camps. She said she was released/saved by a kind white martian refused to kill. The only untrue part was she WAS the white Martian.

Jonn finds out she's fighting in Roulettes alien fights and gets mad at her. She's doing it to punish herself. They are forced to fight, he won't hurt her, later she turns on Roulette, he tells her not to punish herself for survivors guilt and nawwww we have the beginning of what COULD have been a lovely romance since they decided to change these characters from Uncle and Niece.

But.... then we get this!

Jonn is dying! He needs a blood transfusion. Alex goes to the only other "Green Martian" for help! But Mgann says no, because she knows her blood will poison Jonn and turn him into a White Martian, something he would see as a fate worse that death. But Alex pressures Mgann into it, and she doesn't want him to die. So she saves his life. She's even there when he wakes up and she has made a special Martain drink for him. He is grateful and asks her to stay until he falls back to sleep.

Later we have Jonn turning into a white martian and he clicks why! He goes to the Alien bar, Mganns safe place to find her once again trying to leave to avoid fighting him and being discovered. Why? Because she KNOWS no matter what she will be punished for the crime of simply BEING a white martian.

Jonn, in all his papa bear and space dad wisdom believes she's out to get him and asks about more coming to attack him. Yes Jonn, because it's always all about you. It's not like YOU went to Mganns safe place, it's not like YOU pursued her. It's not like YOU banged on about the Martian Bond she quite frankly didn't want to do. It's not like YOU got to know her. It's not like YOU have now chased after her TWICE when she has wanted to peacefully leave.

No, Jonn calls her a liar and makes it ALL about him and decides the best course of action towards the woman who has just saved his life and he knows on a personal level and who has explained to him that SHE was the White Martian who couldn't kill Green ones, is to...wait for it.... BEAT HER TO DEATH!!!

Yes folk, that's the part everyone who says this was a beautiful and healthy relationship forget about.

Jonn is about to kill Mgann when she shifts into her human form and begs him to kill her like that because she doesn't want to die a white martian because her very existence disgusts her.

Jonn, oh that wise and loving papa bear who can do no wrong decides on a whim not to kill her! Hurrah for space dad! No, he decides to simply LOCK HER UP IN THE DEO FOREVER!!! No trial, no actual crime was committed but she is a white martian and grumpy space dad doesn't like them and they all deserve death, even the one that was his friend and everyone elses friend and just saved his ungrateful ass from death!! He even knows her back story, he knows she hates the fact she's a White Martian, but because Jonn is the judge, jury and executioner of the DEO this is all erm... ok??

Later we have Mgann under a psychic attack and she falls unconcious. At first Jonn thinks it's a ploy, because erm... reasons again? But no, she is going to die! Alex pleads with Jonn to help Mgann, you know, the woman who only recently saved him from death? But he doesn't care, she can die and that is that. It actually takes persuading from Alex and a guilt trip for him to see Mgann as worth saving. Bare in mind, she hasn't actually commited any kind of crime. Jonn is illegally holding her in a cell forever because he has a grudge against her species.

Jonn eventually makes the bond with her, he sees her trauma and what she went through on Mars and suddenly they have a connection and erm... all is well?? Are you f**king kidding me?!!

Then we have her husband arrive, and all that jazz and then Mgann leaves to go to Mars. We see them meet up again and oh it's sweet. It's so nice that the writers want you to forget the horrific things that Jonn did to her and guess what? You did! You forgot!

Let's compare this with a few other ships and relationships on the show.

Karamel had its major problems, Kara addressed them and heck even Chris Wood did. It's very similar.

Kara had prejudice against Daxamites. She only sees Mon El as a threat when she realises he isn't Kryptonian, before that it's all concern.

Jonn has a prejudice against White Martians, before he realises what Mgann is its all friendship and concern.

Kara locks up Mon El and basically tells him has going to stay in that cell. She locks him up because she believes he attacked the President, even though she has absolutely no proof of that. She even mocks his species because erm.... reasons I guess?

Now yes Mon El attacked Kara, but the difference is he wasnt friends with Kara. He hasn't formed a bond with her. Mon El woke up on a foreign planet and panicked. He wanted to get home safely and he went with fight or flight. The only other time these two physically fought is when Mon El had no control over his body. Oh and that time later on when Myrnn did that whole psychic attack thing.

Now Mon El lied about being the Prince, which to me was OK to begin with. He has just met Kara, who hates Daxamites and even outright voiced her disgust of the royal family. He just got her to see him differently and not lock him up so yeah i don't think I'd have told her i was the Prince either.

It's not unlike Mgann not telling Jonn she was a white Martian. She knew what he would think and she decided to go with the safe option to avoid confrontation, imprisonment and being almost beaten to death due to prejudice. Even though this is what eventually happened.

Kara of course finds out Mon El is the Prince, but her reaction is VERY different to Jonn's. Kara is pissed off for all of 5 minutes through dinner with Mon Els parents and then she just doesnt mention it again. She lets it go, she's far more concerned about having to let him go. His status isn't important to her because it's not the major issue at the time. It's only when he returns that she confronts his lies but even then she doesn't focus on the Prince lie. It's all the other douche bag things he did that bother her, not who he was on Daxam.

Now, my issue with Mon El being the Prince was that he should have come clean when be decided to enter into a relationship with Kara. He knew what she thought of the Prince and he decided to withhold that information to suit himself so he could have Kara.

Now if Mgann had entered into a sexual relationship with Jonn and withheld who she was then I would condemn her for this to.

The difference is Mon El actively pursued Kara, withholding crucial info that may change her mind about sleeping with him. Whereas Mgann actively avoided bonding with Jonn out side of friendship.

Kara and Jonn weren't fans of being lied to, or rather having information withheld from them by friends and partners. Information that neither one was originally entitled to know. Kara only gained that entitlement when she started a relationship with Mon El.

Jonn I would argue was never entitled to Mganns identity, it only came up once he realised who she was. But before then it made no difference at all.

Is this sounding familiar to you? Let me elaborate. Kara and Lena!

Lena reacted badly when she found out that Kara was Supergirl because she had been lied to! Yes lied to, Kara lied to Lena. When you pretend to be two separate people with one person you are lying.

Lena wasn't entitled to know who Kara was in the beginning. Just like Kara wasn't entitled to know who Mon El was to begin with. Just like how Jonn wasn't entitled to know who Mgann was.

The entitlement comes when you start to build a relationship with someone.

Kara become entitled to know who Mon El was when she started a relationship with him. She was NOT happy when she found out she had been lied to. Her boyfriend had withheld who he really was from her. She didn't have time to be miffed for long because she had to yeet him into space.

Mgann tried to avoid a friendship with Jonn, not unlike Lena avoiding a friendship with Kara. But both persisted and pushed themselves on them. Had Mgann started to sleep with Jonn he would need to know she she was.

Now the difference is whereas Mgann and Mon El stuck to one Persona, Kara with Lena didn't! Kara chose to be those two people, later she continued to pretend to be two people, even when Lena made it clear she didn't trust Supergirl and basically didn't want Supergirl anywhere near her! Kara actively ignored Lena's right to not want Supergirl in her life, that's when she should have come clean or broken off the friendship. Continuing with this relationship/friendship whilst lying and ignoring the wishes of the other part is simply wrong.

Jonn finds out Mgann is a White Martian- beats her almost to death, locks her up illegally for the crime of being someone he doesn't like and tells her she will rot. He then leaves it until the last minute to bother saving her life and was going to be happy to her die. -- instantly forgiven by Mgann and the fans even though he absolutely doesn't deserve it and it's never spoken of again.

Kara finds out Mon El is actually a Prince she doesn't like. Is mad for all of 5 minutes because she doesn't have time to be mad any longer. After that he's instantly forgiven, his Prince status I don't think is ever mentioned again. He's forgiven by those fans who love him and it is forgotten about.

Lena finds out Kara lied to her. She isn't happy about it, she feels betrayed and doesn't want to to forgive her simply because she said she was sorry. Sorry doesn't erase the lies and the removal of her choice to know she was letting Supergirl into her private life. Or the that she was lied to by everyone else to. This is the ONLY thing ever remembered.

Mon El only really had a relationship with Kara and Winn. What does Winn care that Mon El was a Prince? Winn isn't effected by it. He had no prior opinions of Daxamites, he also isn't sleeping with Mon El who knows his identity would effect that.

The similarities are huge! The writers have been using the same storyline over and over again but the fans don't notice it because they are either "Team Karamel" "Team Supercorp" "Team Space dad can do no worng" or "Team I hate Lena no matter what even when other characters do the EXACT same things ".

The major difference between them is that with Kara WAS actively being the second identity with Lena. Mon El didn't dress up as a Prince and use this persona to interact with Kara or to be a douche to her. Mgann didn't turn into a white Martian and fight or be a douche to Jonn. Mgann did her best to stay away from Jonn and not become to involved with him.

Kara went to Lena as both personas. She was her best friend as Kara but went to her as someone different with a totally different personality. She turned on her and whether deserved or not was awful to the woman who was her best friend and Lena didn't know it as her best friend doing this.

Mon El and Mgann didnt use Kara and Jonns relationships with other people against them like Kara did.

Then when Lena was done with Supergirl Kara didn't respect her and went back to her as Kara. We're supposed to forgive all this because Kara is the "hero" and " didn't want to lost Lena",oh and she cried a bit.

Lena's reaction has been written to be different to the other two, even though the story Line is basically the same premise. What Lena is doing at the moment clearly isn't good, but her not wanting to be around Kara and not forgiving her is actually completely understandable and she doesnt have to forgive her.

Heck if the writing made any sense Mgann should NEVER of forgiven Jonn after the senseless beating almost to death.

Lena for all her faults never intentionally physically hurt Kara. She punched a VR version of her, Jonn beat the real Mgann! But Lena is bad and Jonn is good! Lena didn't fire the canons at Kara that was Hope, Lena even tried to stop her. Lena trapped Kara in the Fortress in a kryptonite forcefield but Kara showed no signs of pain when in it or even when she was released from it. What did Jonn do? Jonn beat Mgann almost to death! I will never stop repeating that! In addition he has deliberately used kryptonite on Kara more than once and stood by while she expressed now much pain she was in so she couldn't stop him murdering a white Martian.

But sure, Jonn is a wonderful person and Lena is the devil!

So in conclusion as this went on way longer than I intended. Mgann and Jonn are NOT in any way, shape or form the most well written or healthiest relationship on Supergirl! I would take James and Lena over Mgann and Jonn! James was an arsehole and a liar and couldn't stand women above him in any way but at least he and Lena didn't beat eachother almost to death!!

I'm beginning to realise more and more why I'm taking a break from this show.

Peace ✌

[misterbitches]

I cant decide if I think what happened this episode makes me mad at tae joo. 

me @ me...and ppl who may read what i write...lmao: hear me out. i am a black anarchist cis woman so like...not everyone is going to care or think about  stuff like this. i realize it may not be the total norm  yet (but hey black radicals burned down a fucking police station yesterday which is some real cool history so who is to say that i’m not.) with or without the norms, i share to get a grip of my own thoughts that ADHD absolutely won’t let me keep. and see what people have to say! maybe they’ll engage. otherwise,,,,,,,it doesnt matter i jsut love thinking it through. cos i am CONFUSED!!! 

(btw, i insult rich ppl through this whole thing and i dont give  a fuck. i repeat a lot of things too o well.)

the start of the ep has these words from tae joo:

i have a young friend. a shadow like being who doesn’t go away even at one o clock. that shadow grew a self. i have to do him the favor...

part of his like and attraction to guk  is because of that existing power imbalance. i, personally, think that is impossible to deny given  that we see it. a girl coming over to their house and he kisses her. he had to know that guk would see, or would be looking, whatever.

you have tae joo being surprised at interest in guk. not because guk isn’t attractive or whatever, but because he’s used to the one being noticed. he may not be as broad and tall (there’s not a huge difference but guk obviously stands out more visually, while tae joo stands out cos he’s him i guess lol.)

i think there may be an element of this cat and mouse game that he likes, but  guk takes it a lot more seriously. as he should because...it’s his job. we don’t know at what point they are so anything that happened previously but they very clearly like each other. 

i was gonna say it didn’t even have to be romantic—yet. just that feeling of i don’t need anyone else to take you. i’m curious about why tae joo likes pil hyun but maybe it has something to do with wanting a friend that isn’t necessarily one borne out of necessity. but pil hyun’s dad does work at tae joo’s father’s dumb company or whatever. he’s on the board? idk i forgot

but maybe neither of them really care and pil hyun is just a friend instead of someone you have deep admiration and romantic or strange love for. 

but then there’s a lot of cruelly selfish stuff that shows why this imbalance and their two different backgrounds hinders them. tae joo doesn’t want to lose this shadow anyway but guk is always there. where he’s supposed to be.

when tae joo said, “isn’t it boring just the two of us?” it’s just such a dumb fucking question to ask. he was either just being verbally careless or did it on purpose. it can be both, but i don’t think it was supposed to be. for every one side of a you need to see him as a person not a workerr also encourage him to fuckng quit and live your lives together outside of your stupid rich father coin there’s a he obviously wants and needs him as much if not more. 

the if not more part comes to mean (to me) dependency formed UPON guk’s job. were they not to be in this circumstance, how would their paths cross? 

honestly the show poses a lot of class dilemma for something so short. now is the time to do and write interesting things and question capitalism anyways. tae joo can’t have everything handed  to him. well he can have a lot, because he’s privileged to be where he is, but love isn’t one of those things. guk is not obligated to love him fiercely if tae joo can’t truly relinquish his hold.

the last scene pissed me off a lot at first and thinking about it  it still does. like you used the master-servant relationship comment and exploited it because you didn’t like it but it’s the truth. what is the point of guk sitting through your bullshit but when you intentionally go seek him out you can insert yourself.

hye mi saying, “hey we’re talking can u wait yr turn” like YEA. they’re talking, you came in and had a fit, and only someone who has a life like you do would do something like that. was guk making noise while you were being tutored? 

i also honestly would just quit if i were guk. not every1 is gonna be an annoying anarchist like me or whatever but that’s pretty much the only way this could sustain itself. that and tae joo respecting guk as a person not just a person he loves in his orbit. the world revolves around us as individuals. meaning we think about ourselves in relation to everyone else because we live in this body. so guk is allowed to center himself in his own life.

this could all be avoided if it crossed tae joo’s mind that guk is allowed space to feel whatever his emotions without being dictated. where it isn’t just sparring that he can say whatever the fuck. 

so remember the opening. well, here’s the last lines of thought tae joo had in the car: i have a bodyguard a shadow like being that shouldn’t go away even at one o clock. the shadow isn’t supposed to have a self. 

he called the shadow his friend. a shadow has no self so when it finds autonomy — as he is finding himself (guk),  guk walks ahead of taejoo, faceless with the camera focused on the shadow itself—we finally start to see him as the shadow shows its human form. it’s never been a shadow, guk has always been a person, his own person, it’s just that and this  is literally....he is owned by his job. imagine realizing you have the same tendency as your own dad to feel that way (btw this is also with him (guk) getting slapped by his dad and no......nothing)

in the car we see that selfishness that wasn’t buried but he never thought about. guk shouldn’t leave, he should always be behind him, a shadow, he isn’t supposed to dictate his own life, his life must revolve around me. because he’s transient, again. workers are disposable, a dime a dozen, you happen to love this dime but it doesn’t mean you have  been able to fight for it or understand it.

tae joo is rich (i don’t know if it’s new or old money and the distinction would matter a little but i’m pretty sure theyve been together for a long while? bitch idk) the boy he loves is employed by his father. his father is a CEO, a boss and truly the worst kind (FIRE! YOUR! BOSS!) tae joo has been told his whole life that he deserves. why fight capitalism and not understand his own richness? it’s beneficial to him and it gave him guk, right? 

and you see how allllllllllll of that, the messaging, the receiving, how you get stuck under the influence as a younger person to be stuck under the influence as a complicit adult to the messages of the ruling class. the ruling class you are a part of whether you like it or not, the one that calls labor your own, the one that rips power from other people. you didn’t choose who you were born from and to, but you get to choose what you do now. 

guk was never a shadow, you just didn’t see him because, well, he’s your best friend, and your bodyguard, working and being a literal punching bag for your mistakes (AND THAT’S CAPITALISM BABY, THEY RLY TOLD US THAT THERE—”for your mistakes, i’ll beat him and then send you off to england” like gorl...)

(i also want to mention i whole heartedly believe that the rich resent the poor, the ruling class punish the working class, etc but that’s like irrelevant to here mostly...by irrelevant i mean i shouldnt go any fucking deeper than i have with goddamn dumb analysis. but it’s fun kinda) 

anyway basically tae joo like made so many mistakes that show just how fucking clueless you can be when you have immense privilege. coupled with guk working for him, he doesn’t realize that guk doesn’t live to work. has his own thoughts and he has feelings man. when guk said “stop” in e3 i was rly happy tbh. yea, they may like each other but doing shit like that isn’t fair to him if you’re gonna go around and be really flighty about everything while he depends on (well maybe not depend must cater to) you almost completely by DEFAULT of u being rich lmao

this is just a look and critique into one side of tae joo. i don’t dislike him but i question why people both in the show and people discussing feeling bad for tae joo’s circumstance instead of asking why guk  has to do any of this.....? how does guk fucking feel about this? where are guk’s feelings factored in. like we’re all saying “we pay you so that should be enough.” fuck no. guk do what you want.

if the show was about like....people in love not meeting at the right time in their lives i wouldnt be too upset either. as long as we know their love was deep and romantic it’s okay to see a parting. of course i would prefer not to see that and just want tae joo and guk to grow up to become nice anarchist citizens. guk is an artist and tae joo writes books about his daddy issues or sth like that

[warmau]

{”Idol” Inspired AUs} Jin, Yoongi, Taehyung & Hoseok

find the other members (here) *these are based on the video, and in no means are meant to be super serious. they’re just things i came up with so enjoy ^^

Jin 

objective, often brutally critical, detective 

famous for his logic and observational skills - he’s hailed as the korean equivalent of sherlock holmes

his signature thinking pose involved him with his fingers under his chin

can tell a person whole life story

just by looking at them for a total of 35 seconds

this,,,,obviously doesn’t go over well with a lot of people 

who get puffy and irritated at jin simply ‘pointing out the obvious’

every assistant he’s ever had for his cases has quit - usually in tears

storming down the stairs out of his office as jin looks absentmindedly at them go

you,,,,just graduated college with a degree in forensic sciences

you’re not at all interested in being someones assistant - but for the time being you have to pay rent and therefore

you answer the ad in the paper by a man named mr. kim

when you arrive at the office, which is inside an old cobblestoned townhouse, you notice that it’s,,,,,,,quite messy

a desk pilled up high with papers and folders

crooked paintings on the wall

you think the person who lives here must really not care about anthing at all - their apperance might be as messy as their home

but when jin comes in from the kitchen

you nearly drop the deathgrip you have on your bag

because he’s gorgeous

blonde hair swept neatly from his face, a plaid blazer thrown over a pressed royal blue shirt

with golden buttons that match the cufflinks on his wrists

you feel your face grow hot because you’d expected someone far more -

“ugly? you thought i wouldn’t be well groomed because my place looks like this?”

jin asks, keeping a straight face and motioning to the room around him

you snap out of it, realizing he literally just read your mind and stammer out to apologize

“it’s fine. you’re not the first. so, what does a recent budding graduate want to do here - a clerical assistant is much below you degree. forensics i presume?”

“how did you -”

jin takes a sip from the glass he’s holding 

even from here you can tell that it isn’t just tea or an innocent pouring of juice

he runs his tongue along the lower part of his lip and tilts his head

“i can tell you’ve just graduated, seeing as though theres a keychain from a famous university in busan hanging off your bag. you were a student there, but stopped going - probably because you don’t have to. how do i know that? well it’s the middle of the fall semester right now.”

he pauses as your eyes widen

“forensics is my hypothetical guess because while you were waiting for me to show up you picked up a book off the floor. now most people would just grab it, get their dirty hands and fingerprints all over it but you’ve been trained and picked it up with minimal invasiveness by the corner of the spine. now tell me, am i not correct?”

you blink

“no, you’re completely correct.”

for the first time, jin emotes. it’s a smug smile as he sets his glass down on a wobbly looking tower of journals

he sits down across from you and asks again, “so - what do you want to do here?”

“i want to interview for the assistants position-”

jin leans forward, his eyes are a light honey brown as he bores them into your own

“do you really? i don’t quite think you do. you think this job is beneath you. id go even to say that you think you’d be bored here.”

your heartbeat quickens, how can he tell what you’re thinking so intimately and so quickly? it’s embarrassing it’s like nothing is a secret to him-

“so you’re young, you’re intelligent - according to your degree, and to top it all off you’re attractive. you think this job is transitional, under you -”

you flush, not sure if that was a compliment or an egging on to get you to quit 

“there are better things to do with your time and if you think that way then i do not believe you’ll be able to work-”

“i-”

jin stops, watching your lips quiver when you think of the words to say

like everyone else, you’re an open book to him, but there’s also a part of you that jin is sure he isn’t seeing

“i want to work with you. i might think im overqualified for the position but it’s you, you’re world famous and your skills - you could mentor me.”

jin frowns

“you’re here to work for me, im not going to just teach you all my tricks-”

suddenly the timidness in you is gone, your gaze transforms to serious so quickly that it almost knocks jin agast

“no. not teach me, i want to observe you. like you observe others.. so please, let me your assistant. ill work hard and i wont bother you. and ill continue to improve on myself, but i think working here with you-”

you smile suddenly and the softness is another blow in jin’s direction

his logical mind is trying to calculate your intentions

but you go between emotions and feelings so quickly that it makes his head go dizzy

“i think working here with you will be life changing.”

jin feels something tug on the inside of his chest, right above his heart. a weird sensation that he’s never had before

he touches it and you ask if he’s ok as he stares down at the carpet below

but then he stands up, scanning you fully

“your clothing is cheap, your hair was just washed with a coconut scent, and you enjoy the boring hobby of tennis in your free time. i can tell this all by looking at you. doesn’t that scare you?”

you shake your head

“i can critique every little flaw, find out all of your trauma and unwind it. doesn’t that piss you off?”

you shake your head again

jin grins, the smile makes his otherwise hard expression turn momentarily into one of approachable friendliness 

it makes you almost blush

“well, most people who come to interview are gone within the first minute. i congratulate you on making it a whole fifteen with me, you’re hired. be back here tomorrow at eight.”

you get up, reaching to take jin’s hand in gratitude

the skinship makes him almost gasp - eyes opening a little as you thank him with adoration 

when you leave, jin doesn’t watch

instead he stares down at the warm sensation on his palm where your hand had been

and thinks

this one,,,,,,,this one is interesting - let’s be careful not to fall deeper than we’d like 

Yoongi

a  mentalist with a boring ass day job

his ability is a sort of seventh sense - he can see the auras of people and the color tells him a variety of things about them

from mood, to intentions, he can basically read peoples minds

just by watching what colors swirl around them in a frenzy 

unfortunately, that kind of gift doesn’t really help you when you sit at a 9-5 desk job

yoongi knows he could probably donate his body to science,,,,,,or something 

but being experimented on his whole life is like not what he wants

plus his power could just be called “a lie”. he’s got no way to actually prove it to others

in a lot of ways it’s actually annoying 

the colors distract him

sometimes people have super strong auras that press onto yoongi and make him almost dizzy

other times they’re so weak and tiny, they’re like flickering strobes that make yoongi twitch

sometimes when people are talking, all blatantly lying to each other around the conference room table

yoongi has half the mind to jump up onto it and yell for everyone to at least try being truthful ONCE

for all the negative, dark reds and siring blacks of lies that are swarming his brain hurts

you start as a temp at yoongi’s office

you run around doing everyone elses dirty work basically and yoongi expects that he’ll absolutely hate being around you

because temps always have the worst auras

(rightfully so, they do have the shittiest jobs)

but your - your always a light calming blue

and yoongi doesn’t get that

you should be frustrated. pissed off. angry. moody.

but you’re just serene???? just zen????//

and yoongi doesnt ever find interest in others, but you - your color doesnt change

how can somone not be capable of lying, of other emotions? especially at a job where everything is super mundane

and you’re getting called on to do coffee runs or fixed jammed printers

one afternoon, yoongi can already feel someone descending on his cubical 

so he turns around just in time to catch you mid sentence

“im going to go get coffee for everyone, do you want any -”

yoongi’s eyes meet yours

and for the first time the aura around you starts twisting

and flashing

a whole rainbow of colors

yoongi’s never seen it before, people don’t usually show more than one color 

but as you’re frozen, stuck looking at him with wide eyes

your aura just goes nuts

“d-do you want anyt-anything?”

you finish, your aura still distracting as ever

yoongi gets up and you step back, worried that you might have come at a bad time

but he just gets closer, fascinated as the rainbow of colors dances around you

until the aura has come open and wraps its way around yoongi as well

he’s never experienced something like this before

being touched by an aura? being pulled into it

until he’s centimeters from your face

and you’re turning red hot with embarrassment as yoongi cant seem to get away either

he reaches out, the rainbow colors coming to knot around his hand as he places it on your cheek

“mr. min?!??”

you ask and suddenly yoongi snaps out of it

the rainbow colors dance off of his skin and go back to rotating around you

yoongi looks at you, speechless as you stare back

when he looks down - for the first time he sees his own aura

the usual grey, bored color is now full to life with colors

just like yours

“so-so do you want any coffee?”

you ask again and yoongi looks up 

this time past your aura, to your face - to your eyes to your nose to your lips 

and something feels a little warm in the center of his chest

rainbow auras,,,,,,,,rainbow auras what do they mean,,,,,,? 

he thinks and then he realizes that maybe they mean -

“sure, but let me go with you. carrying all those cups will be hard.”

yoongi offers, grabbing his coat and ushering you out into the hall

you’re surprised, but so are his co-workers

all who buzz with confusion because yoongi’s never been,,,,,,,,helpful like that. plus he doesn’t even like coffee,,,,

“maybe he’s got a thing for the temp.” one co-worker chimes

“maybe he’s in love.” another grins “he did look like he saw stars staring at them.”

Taehyung 

a overly passionate art professor 

who has an extensive knowledge of modern art and the deeper meanings behind the paintings and statues that he makes his students study

a lot of people are easily overwhelmed by taehyung

he stands out - in the way professors aren’t really supposed to 

with bright, vibrant hair - oversized glasses - and outfits that take pattern clashing and retro revival to a whole new level

the other professors don’t really like him, they gossip and complain about how he’s trying to ‘show off’ how he is so ‘childish’ and that he’s the reason students dont respect their professors anymore

but on the contrary, taehyung is probably the most liked by students because he’s so passionate

sometimes too much - to the point that students are a little unsure how to match his enthusiasm

but taehyung just pops with encouragement, telling students that their art comes from within and that absolutely nothing that they create will ever be worthless 

because it is all beautiful and all of it is connected to a greater desire in their hearts

am i saying he once jumped up on his desk while talking about edvard munch’s work

and then fell off because he tripped on a pen

and even while some students were calling the EMT he was still managing to lecture

taehyung being carried out on a stretcher: “AND REMEMBER - MODERNISM IS NOTHING WITHOUT SYMBOLISM! THE SCREAM IS ICONIC BECAUSE IT RESONATES WITH OUR FEARS! THE QUIZ IS ON MON-”

you’re the unsuspecting adjunct that gets hired to work beside taehyung in the art department for the new fall semester

he’s a modernist and enjoys experimental art, while you teach art history as well as classic portraits and landscapes

you and him are on opposite ends of the art spectrum

and even before you meet him people are mumbling that he’s ,,,,,bonkers - annoying and loud and you’ll absolutely dread working with him

one of the professors even says that taehyung’s interest in modern art isn’t really an interest in “art” but in “garbage”

all those words make you angry, not at taehyung - but at how people are talking about him

because when taehyung comes through the art offices door

(he’s got a cast on because he LITERALLY broke his ankle falling off that desk)

he knows,,,,subconsciously,,,,,that you’re probably going to dislike him because people talk behind his back and yadda yadda

but instead you rush right up to him - beaming and go

“i heard you were talking about munch when this happened, you wouldn’t mind if i drew a tiny screaming man on your cast - would you?”

taehyung thinks he’s fucking in love

you guys get along really well - you don’t have half near the energy that taehyung does

but you love it 

you even find yourself sneaking in to sit in on his classes

and taehyung hovers over you when you’re going over lesson plans because WOW he was an art major too but he didn’t know that about that painting!

you and taehyung eating in the professors lounge together talking about art exhibits

anyone who walks past cant even say hi to either of you because you’re so caught up in your own bubble

the students catch on too

one day taehyung is bouncing up and down getting ready to go on a forty minute lecture about cubism 

when a student raises his hand and is like “professor, don’t you think the new adjunct is cute?”

taehyung turning bright red: “you know what i think is cute????? georges braque!!!!!! and his cubes!!!!!!!!!!!! you know !!!!!!!!”

the student smugly: “sure, but the adjunct too right?”

taehyung trying to not sweat and avoid the question: “,,,,,,,,POP QUIZ EVERYONE PUT YOUR THINGS AWAY”

but tbh taehyung cant stop thinking about it,,,,,because well you ARE cute,,,,,,,,,maybe he’d even go as far as to say beautiful,,,,,,

no no no taehyung think of all the picasso paintings you know and name them and dont think about how the adjunct looked super nice today with their hair down - TAEHYUNG THINK 

seeing you in the hall later, taehyung nearly has to pull the stripped beret he’s wearing over his face

because when you smile his heart beats faster than he does when he’s at the museum 

and you stop infront of him, saying something about a faculty meeting 

but all taehyung can hear is the soft sound of music and the floating, abstract hearts that have appeared around your head

and oh my god when did your lips look like his favorite shade of pink - the one he gets at the art supply store - gamblin artist’s oil color radiant magenta 37,,,,,,,,

“taehyung are you listening?”

snapping out of it, taehyung tries to plaster a big grin on his face

“of course! yes!”

“of course,,,,,,you want to get dinner with me after the faculty meeting?”

taehyung’s heart stops. he’s pretty sure this is what it feels like to have someone look at a new sculpture for the first time

“i,,,,y-yes”

you shyly clasp your hands together and tell him to pick you up outside of the office afterwards

he agrees, turning on his heel to watch you happily float down the hall

and taehyung feels his chest about to erupt - because ok ok ok he did just agree to a date with you

and you’re the one who asked him

and it wasn’t like a dream in his head 

pablo picasso voice: go on young artist, go and experience the love that will inspire you to paint

taehyung talking to the pablo picasso in his brain: do you think i should switch this beret for some funky suspenders or is that corny?

pablo picasso: bro i was an artist i dont know anything about fashion also im dead jkjk

Hoseok 

the unlikely superhero 

literally has no idea how he got here,,,,,,,

he was just walking down the street when people started yelling saying there was someone on the roof of a building being held at knife point 

and hoseok was eating icecream on his way from the gym like oh man that sounds scary!!!!

when suddenly the ice cream fell out of his hand

and hoseok,,,,,for some reason,,,,,,,,was growing???!?!

till he was a????? whole giant?????

people scrambling to get out of his way as he went up up up until-

“oh,,,,hey”

hoseok says awkwardly, his head coming to level with the roof and looking at a blaclava dude holding the knife to a frightened looking hostages throat

but with one look at hoseok - whose got to be like thirty feet or more

the knife drops and the dude makes a run for it

without really thinking hoseok out stretches his arm, his giant finger coming to block the doors entrance 

“can like the police down there hurry up?” he calls

not even noticing the tiny sting when the criminal tries to stab at hoseok with his knife

hoseok turns his attention to the hostage, you 

whose staring up at hoseok with your mouth wide open

hoseok laughs, it thunders above the city

“this is as shocking to you as it is to me, i didn’t know i could do this!

“you’re a monster!”

the criminal screams, pushing and pulling at hoseok’s giant hand

hoseok looks over, raising an eyebrow

“i mean i guess i-”

“no!”

you cut hoseok off and he returns his gaze to you

his eyes are huge, the size of a small swimming pool at this height

but you look confidently at him

“you’re a hero! you saved me from that idiot!”

the criminal: i am not an idio-

hoseok: shuttup before i squash you bro

the police arrive, apprehending the criminal and trying not to skwak at hoseok who gives a friendly wave 

being careful not to hit any of the surrounding buildings

one of the cops wants to escort you down to the ground, but you smile at hoseok and ask if he’ll get you down instead

with a small blush, he opens his hand so you can climb into the center of his palm

and carefully, as if he’s holding a tiny bird and not you

he bends over to place you safely back on the sidewalk

(all while the traffic behind his huge legs beeps for him to somehow get out of the way)

after a moment or two, hoseok feels a sort of jolt and gradually he grows smaller and smaller

till he’s back to his normal human height

and you clap your hands in front of him

you look nothing like you’ve just been held hostage - instead you look like a kid at disney land as you stare at hoseok with all the admiration you can muster

“thanks so much!”

you throw yourself into his hands and hoseoks flushes again

“n-no problem,,,,that was so weird i must have scared everyone!”

he laughs as his arms gently come around your waist in a comforting manner

you pull back and shake your head

“you’re not scary, you’re cool - like a superhero!”

“well,,,it was my first time being one”

you grin

“what an honor, i was the first person you saved!”

hoseok gets all shy rubbing at his neck and murmuring that it probably wont happen again he should go see a doctor or something

but you’re excited, grabbing his hand and claiming him a hero

and hey maybe he really could get used to being a hero,,,,,,,

if he figures out how in the world he got this superpower?!?!!?

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!mark

request: highschool!mark if u love me plspls

 word count: 5.5k

a/n: lucky that I love u anon hehehehe !!!!! also wOW I didnt mean to make this so god damn long itS REALLY JUST THESE GOD DAMN HIGH SCHOOL AUS IM WEAK FOR THEM OKAY. look at this cutie hOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESIST

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

warnings: the usual intermittent cussing and probably an inappropriate joke or two

this au is my Ultimate Weakness it makes me soft as hell alright

………………….

LETS DIVE IN

okay so your mom has a job that forces your family to move around….. A LOT

and while you’ve gotten used to it for the most part it still sucks having to leave people behind and make completely new friends once every couple of years

this time you’re moving to a new school for your SENIOR YEAR and you’re livid

bc like ??? it’s senior year and you have exactly zero (0) friends since you’re new,,, yet again

you Threw A Fit when you found out but your mom was like shut up you ingrate soon you’ll be in college and won’t even have to worry about it

so you, an ingrate, shut up :/

you move in a month before school starts and the house is nice and your room is cute so that’s a plus !!!!!

you hang up some pictures and organize all your cute little trinkets you’ve collected over the years aw

you’ve even got a lil succulent garden growing on your windowsill

ITS CUTE AS HELL OKAY

alright so you’re gonna go explore around town because you , don’t know where anything is and you wanna find some good spots to hang

you take the bus into the middle of town because who tf is tryna drive themselves amirite ladies

support ur local bus driver

anywhom this isn’t a HUGE town but it’s one of those cute towns where you can pretty much walk anywhere you need to go

(god i wish that were me)

so you spend all day just, walkin

you find a library and pick up some books …….

both for decoration and reading okay

and you find a couple of restaurants and write them down to try later along with some coffee shops and whatnot

eventually you’re tired and prolly a lil sweaty bc it’s summer and you’re outside and ugh

so you find a nice big park and a tree and sit down at the base of it to read and mindlessly sketch things in the margins of your book

whEN OUT OF NOWHERE

someone shouts

“HEY WATCH OUT”

and you look up just in time to dodge a sOCCER BALL HURTLING TOWARDS YOUR FACE

it bounces off the tree and rolls a couple feet away

“uhhhh holy shit” - you

you just kind of sit there astonished for 5 seconds before you get up to get the ball and look around for who saved your LIFE

and there’s boy jogging toward you looking extremely embarrassed

you meet him halfway to hand him the ball and he’s like

“oh mY GOD i’m so sorry i told them to settle down but they never listen to me and jisung just ??? doesn’t know how to not take everything seriously and he lost and got pissed and kicked it and we didn’t even kNOW you were over here and also i’m so sorry”

you smile and tell him it’s fine and hand him the ball

you go to get back to your tree and he’s like hey uh you there uh wait up

god he’s awkward

and you turn around to face him with an expectant look

“so um, what’s your name? i haven’t seen you around here before and like in case i ever gotta make this up to you you know ??”

cute

you tell him your name and stick out your hand to shake and he grabs it very hesitantly and tells you his name is mark

he has , very warm hands and they’re only slightly bigger than yours but that’s still cUTE

MARK HAS BABY HANDS I DARE U TO SAY HE DOESNT

he says he hopes you enjoy your book and he’ll make sure the boys don’t disturb you anymore than they already have

you wave as he goes and he gives you a smile over his shoulder and his cheeks are tinged pink and wOw this boy is a cutie patootie

you go back to your reading but now instead of doodling you’re just writing his name or drawing his big doe eyes or his smooth hands

(((((let’s pretend we’re all good at drawing okay god knows i can’t do much more than a stick figure)))))

the boys leave after an hour or two and you leave pretty soon after then because the sun is setting and you gotta be home for dinner

basically your mom wants to make sure you aren’t kidnapped and/or lost in a new town

which, to be fair, is not that unlikely

you have your headphones in and you’re leaned against the bus window half asleep as you go

bitch wake up youRE GONNA MISS YOUR STOP

it’s the same bus driver who saw you get on and honestly there aren’t a lot of people on the bus so he makes sure you get off

“hey you, girl back there, hEY! this is your stop girly”

you thank him profusely and tip him because uhhhh u gotta get home and like Not Lost

you skip home with your bag of books and miscellaneous items you found at the thrift store!!!

you bought a little figurine of a dragon and she’s beautiful her name is saraphina because why not

that’s completely irrelevant i’m so sorry

i have ADHD

anywhom

you walk in and you’re all like hey momma !!! how goes it !!:3

and your mom is Sus™️ because why are you in such a good mood

and you’re like !!! cause i had a good day okay love u bye i’m going to my rOOM

don’t let her question anymore or else she’ll dig out that you met a Cute Boy

you go to your room and get out all your purchases and organize them while you still have the motivation to do so

and yeah

you use one of the blank notes to start like a lil drawing diary of sorts ???? like just to draw stuff in whenever you’re inspired or you see something pretty

and you definitely saw smth pretty today ;))))))))

hint: ITS MARK

you try to draw him from memory but it doesn’t look quite right and like :(((((( how sad is that what if you don’t even see him again

the rest of the month passes pretty quickly in the same fashion

by now you’ve befriended the bus driver and he tells you all the cool secret nooks and crannies of town for you to go find

he’s also your bff pretty much he always tells you about his daughter and all the cute things she does and you just talk about your life in general and he gives you advice

congrats you’ve unlocked Wise Uncle

he gives you directions to this teeny TINY flower shop where you befriend the old lady who works there by bringing a muffin everytime you go by

she trades you for a seasonal flower and makes a big deal out of tucking it behind your ear herself

basically you find all the cute old people in town and make them your friend because.

THATS CUTE

ADDED BONUS OF LIKE 17 PARENT FIGURES TO GIVE YOU ADVICE

this is accidentally straying into art hoe territory i hope y’all are okay w/ that

school is starting really soon and you’re nervous but also used to this so it doesn’t affect you as bad as normally

also you did meet some people so you aren’t going in with no friends but like, pretty close to no friends

on the first day of school you ride the bus and you see ???? mark ????? on your bus ????????

so you get on and do your daily greeting of the bus driver

his daughter lost her first tooth AW

you fake cry and he says “mood” and you lose it because you’re pushing internet culture onto this unsuspecting middle aged man skdkdkkd

you pat him on the shoulder as you walk back to find a seat but there are none because for some reason the bus is busy this early in the morning ????

you wouldn’t know lmao summer sleep schedule had you up at 10 at the earliest

so you go to stand and hold onto one of the poles in the center

(nearby our boy mark LEE)

mark looks up from his phone

these god damn millennials always on that damn phone

and he sees you and he’s like wHOA what’s up uhhh Soccer Ball Girl

and nice you remembered his name bUT HE DIDNT REMEMBER YOURS

but then he’s like nahhhh just kidding i remember ur name hey y/n !!!

you talk otw to school and find out you’re both seniors at the same school and how you’re excited for sports games and like, GRADUATING

mark keeps trying to offer you his seat but you refuse and he pouts everytime you say no :((((

good god just take the seat look at the sad baby boy :((((((((((((

there is an, occurrence

at one point the bus goes over a bump and you stumble a little and mark reaches up to catch you before you literally fall on him

his hands fly out and grab you by the hips to steady you since he’s sitting and you’re standing and he can’t exactly reach your shoulders sO YEA

or at least that’s his explanation in his head huehuehuehe

his hands linger for MAYBE 10 seconds before he whips them back into his pockets and blushes while you thank him

you: are also blushing

the bus driver: completely did that on purpose

when you get off the bus your Second Dad tells you good luck and pats you on the head and mark is like ???? do you know him

and you’re like yeah that’s my man maurice we’re buds

and he’s like ???? i’ve rode that bus all my life to school and i’m not buds with him wtf :/

“srry you’re not as lovable as me!! jealousy is a disease <3”

and he laughs his dorky laugh

you highkey are smiling so big because this boy is so cute and he’s walking close enough that your shoulders brush every once in a while and he has a silly laugh and AW

as you walk into the school marks group of Boys starts waving him over excitedly and he turns in their direction but then stops when he sees you aren’t following

“hey whatcha doin???”

“well uhhh those are Your Boys you know and i’m, i don’t, really, uh they don’t know me”

“aw cmon they’ll love you!!! look ill just introduce you and if they’re terrible and annoying you can leave”

“........ i gue-“

but he’s already grabbed your hand and is pulling you over to them

“sup fellas this is y/n and she just moved here this year so don’t be too overwhelming.”

the smaller one with the highish voice chimes in

“aww but overwhelming is my only setting”

“then just don’t be yourself, chenle”

“heYYY it’s that girl i almost killed in the park !!! so sorry about that by the way”

he introduces them to you one by one and they all shake your hand

jisung is the one with the big ass yaoi hands and also the one who almost ended your young life

jaemin is the one with pretty smile

jeno is the one with the squishy eyes

renjun is the Art Hoe of the group you can just tell

he’s wearing some got damn overalls you gotta befriend him immediately

donghyuck is the one with beautiful skin and a v high voice you’re highkey like hey but can you dROP THE SKINCARE ROUTINE and he’s like “i just wash my face every day xoxo :*”

you quickly learn who is a piece of shit and who isn’t

you figure out who has classes with you and then set off for the day !!

mark has gym and economics with you but those are after lunch :(((

he squeezes your shoulder before he leaves and says good luck though so you’ll survive

you have art with renjun first and this boy is your bestie already

he’s such a sarcastic shit and he too likes drawing random things and vandalizing school textbooks with artistically correct memes

he also has the AUDACITY

“so, you and mark already ;););)(;);)))”

“i uh don’t know what you mean by that”

“you SO do!!!!! you guys walked into school together everyone probably already thinks you’re a thing”

“oh shit really??? ah i feel so bad”

“is that a bad thing???”

“i mean yeah i’m not tryna Tarnish mark’s reputation”

“that is some self hatred bs he would be lucky to have you !!!!”

“renjun you don’t even know me that well yet”

“i know enOUGH”

you just uhh change the subject which renjun def notices but like

who cares

renjun apparently also goes to the same flower shop as you !!!

you find out because you see him drawing the front of it and you’re like heY i’ve been there my girl edna works there !!!!! she insist i call her grandma tho

and he’s all oh sHIT that’s my girl too !!!!!!

long story short edna is now your shared grandmother

now THAT is some uwu shit

you go about your day and it’s lunchtime and yOU uh don’t know where to sit :(

you see a girl that you met who works at the little coffee shop you like so you set off in her direction and you’re almost there when jeno and jaemin walk up and sling an arm around your shoulder from either side

“hEY BUDDY” -jeno

“SUP SQUIRT” -jaemin

and they start steering you in another direction towards their own table

“god of all nicknames you had to give me sQUIRT”

“yes it’s because you’re cute and small like squirtle”

“that’s a god damn reach if i’ve ever seen one but okay”

you get there and they practically TOSS you into the seat next to mark

he winces and gives you and apologetic pat on the back before starting the conversation

“alright so who actually did the summer reading”

as the table bursts into Absolute Ruckus you just kind of sit back and watch

mark notices you being quiet and while renjun and chenle are arm wrestling he leans over to quietly be like

“hey you doin okay over there? are they too much”

“oh not at all i’m just takin it in lmao”

“yeah that’s understandable. they’re easily the most entertaining group of people you’ll ever meet but also i’ve wanted to strangle every single one of them at least once”

“what are you 30??? you talk about them like you’re their mom”

“i mean someone’s gotta do it”

you and mark talk all throughout lunch and head to gym together since that’s next

exercising right after eating ??? sounds like a GREAT plan thanks so much public school system !!!!

you go to pull out your bag of gym clothes but ??? all you’ve got is shorts ?????

S H I T

you start whining because you’re like aWW i’m gonna get in trouble :(((((

and he’s like here i have like 12 shirts in here because i always bring too many and then leave some when i got soccer practice i gotchu

(he gives you the clean shirt that hasn’t been sitting in his locker <3333 what a guy)

you thank him proFUSELY and then go to the girls locker room to change

the shirt is too big and you don’t wanna look like a Bag so you tie a lil knot in it in the front

you don’t look like a thot tho you just look Cute As Fuck

some girl in the locker room lets you borrow a hair tie and off we go !!!

it’s the first day so everyone literally just stretches and sits around talking

you’ve hashtag LOST mark and you don’t have any friends yet so you’re just chillin talking to the girl who gave you a hair tie because she seems nice and you got nothin better to do

you’re explaining to her how to take care of a succulent /properly/ when mark catches a basketball that was headed right for you yelling a watch it !!!! over his shoulder

he turns to you and giggles a little, nudging your foot with his

“you’re just a danger magnet aren’t you”

“i mean danger is my middle name so”

“uGH get your ass over here away from all those freshman hoodlums who think they can play”

you wave bye to your friend because there’s literal fear in her eyes at the sight of mark ??

you ask her what’s wrong later and she’s like oh it’s not him i just have a crippling fear of boys

(that’s a mood)

you and mark pass a volleyball back and forth and fuck around pretty much all period

this is actually the one (1) sport he isn’t good at thank GOD you were worried he had no flaws

at the end of the class you ask him if he wants his shirt back and he says, and i quote,

“nah you and your thot knot can keep it, looks cuter on you anyways”

you smack his arm for calling you a thot but then thank him anyways for the shirt and for calling you cute :))))))))

econ passes the same way except normal clothing and no sports

although mark does throw a wadded up piece of paper on you that says u want 2 hang w the boys n me after school ? if yes then breathe if no do a backflip

this headass boy

you throw it back so it bounces off his forehead and then nod to confirm you will

you don’t have any of the boys in your last class and you don’t where to meet up so you just kind of loiter by your locker since jeno’s is pretty close to yours and maybe they’ll meet here ????

luckily jisung spots you and is like hey what r u doin here aren’t u hanging with us after school??? cmon

you follow him out to the parking lot where they’re all gathered around jeno and jaemins vehicles because apparently they’re the only ones with actual cars

rip

they start waving too excitedly when they see you and mark smiles all big

wooOOO baby boy already has a crush on you :3

they’ve apparently already decided to go to chenles house because apparently he’s fuckin loaded

you don’t believe that for a sECOND because he’s wearing crocs and an old ass polo shirt but

we’ll see

you mark and renjun ride with jaemin while the Babies ride with jeno since he is able to ignore them being crackheads in the backseat and drive his vehicle without crashing

apparently they’ve cause multiple vehicular accidents ??? possibly the reason renjun doesn’t have a car ???????

who knows

y’all have a blast in jaemins car tho playing tokyo drift from the third fast and furious movie if u haven’t heard that shit plEASE GO LISTEN WHAT A SONG HEHEHHEHHEHE

you pull into this BIG ASS house and you’re like no fucking way dude

and everyone else in the car simultaneously says

“i know right ???”

y’all pull in and go inside and it’s real nice holy SHIT

chenle comes in cackling followed closely be jisung and more sedately by jeno who looks ready to fckin die

you pat him on the shoulder and go you did well, soldier

he salutes solemnly before breaking out into the smile

y’all know the one

you UWU right there on the spot but hold yourself back from poking his cheek and cooing

chenle then SCREECHES and yells

“WHO IS TRYNA PLAY JUST DANCE”

and everyone crowds into his living room

somehow the couch is big enough to fit all of you comfortably that’s fckin impressive

you play just dance for 3 whole ass hours and now you’re Tired and Ready To Go Home

there’s a bus stop nearby and you insist upon walking since jaemin already have you a ride here and you didn’t even have gas money to give him :(((

mark goes to since you have to catch the same bus

you hum as you skip around the sidewalk and he walks behind you smiling fondly while you twirl around

he recognizes the song and whistles along and wow !!!!

Harmony™️

when you get to the stop you’re like 5 mins early

so to entertain yourselves you play rock paper scissors and each time the winner gets to flick the loser on the forehead

mark is a sweet boy so he flicks softly but you go all out

wouldn’t be surprised if he had a bruise tmrw girly u need to chill

you sit on the bus together when it arrives since there’s actually room now and he slumps down low until his head is pretty much rested on your shoulder

(our man maurice sees and is like GET IT GIRL but only so you notice and you make threatening hand motions at him)

you’re not sure if he’s asleep so you stay extra still just in case

and no one needs to know you rested your cheek on top of his head

but when it gets to your stop you’re like mark? mark lee??? mork ???? wake up ??? and you nudge him a little with your shoulder and he sits up and rubs his eyes aW

he slow blinks at you and goes

“hm?”

and you’re like i uh gotta go now

and he’s like :/// okay i’ll see you tomorrow and stands up and gives you a half hug before you go

maurice is DYING in the front you’re going to kill him

you walk home with a smile on your face and again your mom is suspicious of your good mood but you’re like aw it’s nothin just had a good day at school made lots of friends !!!!!!

as summer turns into fall you make more friends but you mostly hang out with the boys because they’re funny and nice to you and also Mark is there and we love our boy

you guys all attend football games together and go absolutely ALL OUT for whatever the theme is

for example: the theme was halloween and you all dressed as god damn SMURFS

it was legendary there was not one bit of you all that wasn’t covered in blue paint

jisung almost fought some girl who thought he was from the movie Avatar until everyone was like jisung cHILL OUT ITS NOT HER FAULT YOURE VERY TALL AND COMPLETELY BLUE

and well

can’t argue with that

it gets chillier though so you all bring blankets and cuddle most of the games

all of the boys suspiciously aren’t cold at first until you and mark share a blanket

they’re so obvious GOD

with each time y’all share you get more relaxed around each other until eventually mark has one arm slung around you and your legs are hooked over one of his thighs while y’all Snuggle

renjun waggles his eyebrows at you every five minutes and you discreetly give him the finger every time

little ASSHOLE

college applications are due like. right now

you all apply to a nice university close by as a backup/safe place and then apply to more brazy places just to see if you can get in

everyone’s been real stressed lately so you’re like !!!!! hey imma throw a friendsgiving party !!! yeehaw !!!!!!!!!

and you invite all of them over

“everyone bring smth and i’ll bake a ham or smth,,, i swear to GOD if all of you show up with store-bought pumpkin pie. i will kill you and then myself”

“what’s with you and pumpkin pie?”

“jUST. don’t”

((((srry i’m projecting my hatred of pumpkin pie onto u reader heheehehheh))))

everyone comes over and it’s really chilly so you have a fire in the fireplace and you have a couple of your gal pals over too

your mom is nice enough to leave y’all alone for the night and she’s not hurt since it’s not real thanksgiving

we stan moms

you bring out the ham and someone has brought green beans and mark ,,,, tHAT ANGEL he brought cornbread stuffing do y’all know what i’m talking abt

OOO THAT STUFF IS GOOD

and there’s sweet potatoes and apple pie and all the Thanksgiving Essentials

jisung wanted to be a dick so he brought cranberry jelly

“why don’t you have some:) cranberry preserves:) , jisung” -you, every 30 seconds

everyone sits down to eat and it’s LOUD so you’re like shut UP !!!!!!!!!!

“every1 say smth ur thankful for :3333”

“my family !!!!”

“you guys <3”

“awW BOOO” - everyone, while throwing things at jaemin

“my life !!”

“that i’m happy”

“gay” -chenle

“minecraft”

anyways no one took it seriously until it got to mark

“i’m grateful y/n moved here :))))))”

everyone goes KSKDDIDI and you blush and you’re like okay ily mark JSKKD

everyone EATS A LOT and then you go sit in a pile in the living room

you go to make hot chocolate for everyone and when you come back it’s , interesting how there’s only room for you next to mark . hm

you pass out the hot chocolate and everyone reaches Maximum Sleepytime

at this point you’re too tired to give a fuck and you just flop onto the couch next to mark and curl up into his side

he puts his arm around you to pull you close and this mf presses a tiny barely there kiss to your temple

you look up and like talk with your eyes

did u just

i did

oh

yeah

and then you just settle back down

it’s too crowded in here for any Moves to be Made

bUT YALL BEST BELIEVE WHEN ALL THESE YOUNGINS GET OUT UR HOUSE

you’ve got the karate kid on bc ??? who doesn’t love the karate kid and all of your cutie friends are asleep in various places

but once it gets super late you start waking people up and going hey i love you but your mom called mine like 8 times you gotta gO

you make sure everyone is awake fully if they’re driving and to text you when they got home safe

at long last

you’re alone

in your house

with mark

actually where is mark

mark has disappeared ?????

you start looking around for him and find him in your room ???

“you snoopin thru my things ??!?!??”

he jumps and is like uHH but you’re like nah you’re fine idc

so he continues and he was really just lookin at what kind of books you have and the little drawings and paintings and knick knacks everywhere

you just sit on your bed and observe him

let’s be real he’s nice to look at and you’d be perfectly fine doing this for uhhh the rest of your life

he pulls a book off your shelf and starts flipping through it until he pauses at a page

and his face blooms into this big smile and he looks hella giddy

and you’re like uhh hey whatcha lookin at there bud

and he just keep smiling and it’s a little smug now wtf

“when were you reading this?”

“oh uh i don’t know i got it this summer at that cute little bookshop”

“was it, by chance, the day we met?”

“i mean maybe??? why ????”

and he shows you the page and it’s tHAT oNE WHERE YOU WERE DOODLING BITS OF HIM AND WRITING HIS NAME ALL OVER IT

FUCK !!!!!!!

you immediately turn tomato red and snatch the book in to hold it tightly to your chest

“uhhh i do that with uhhhh eVerYONE I MEET”

“aw i thought i was special:((((”

he’s creeping closer to you this whole time until he’s INCHES AWAY

he gently pulls the book out of your hands and places it aside before grabbing your wrists and uncrossing your arms

“personally, i think it’s really cute”

you blush even more this man knows what he’s doing

you mumble a thanks with your eyes trained on his fuzzy socks what a dork

he releases one of your wrists to push your chin up so he can look you in the eyes

“do you really do that with everyone you meet?”

“,,,,,,, no it’s just you”

“alright cool”

and then he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you close til you’re pressed together chest to chest AW

he nudges his nose against yours and you close your eyes because your god daMN HEART IS POUNDING AND YOU CANT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THOSE BIG PUPPY EYES

he presses the sweetest and gentlest of kisses to each cheek and then to the top of your nose

he presses one last lingering kiss on your forehead before he tilts his chin down to press your lips together

it’s so soft and innocent wow i’m going to SHED TEARS WRITING THIS

and he pulls away and you press your face into his neck in embarrassment

he chuckles a lil and rubs your back, leaning his cheek against your head

“hey, you down there”

you say “yeah?” but your voice is muffled by his neck and it’s more like eh ???

“my girlfriend y/n will you be ???”

what the fuck

you pull your head back so you can look at his face which is turning steadily redder

“uh what”

“shIT uh i meant will you uh bemygirlfriend”

your confused expression turns into a shit eating grin and you’re like

“what was that :)))) i didn’t hear you :)))))”

he groans and rests his forehead on your shoulder and pitifully whines out

“please be my girlfriend :(((((“

you pick his face up and hold it between your palms and he pouts playfully

“well how could i say no to that face”

and you smooch him right on those lil pouted lips

“yes i’ll be your girlfriend”

he smiles real big and smooshes you against him aw

wow so now you’re mark lee’s gf

LUCKY BITCH

lowkey you get a few threats but as soon as mark catches wind of that he stands on the statue in front of the school and announces that if anyone has a problem with you they’ve got a problem with him !!!!

and he looks like: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

you drag him down while apologizing to everyone in the general vicinity

mark is. veRY CLINGY NOW

i mean no complaints here it’s just

wow

you’ll be standing at your locker when BAM mark is wrapped around you from behind and you get a hey baby how’s ur day right in your ear

in gym class he restrains himself since the coaches are always like LEE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

but he always whines after and is like

:((((( but you look so cute in my shirt i wanna squish you

whenever mark comes over you force him to let you draw him at least once

each time it gets easier since you’ve started to memorize the details of his face and the knuckles of his hands and the shape of his shoulders

a lot of times he just comes over to watch movies and talk

he’s not an eloquent guy

(“you all look like pretty grass :)))” - mark lee)

but he gets what he needs to say out and he enjoys listening to you talk about whatever’s on your mind

you’ve started a glow in the dark star sticker collection to put on your ceiling and each time he comes over you put a constellation up there

so you’ll lay in bed and turn off the lights and just stare at the ceiling and try to name them all

soon you’ll just get sleepy though and press your face into his chest

he uwu’s every time :((((

after he’s done being astonished by his Baby™️ he’ll wrap his arms around you and stroke a hand up and down your spine wow

Real Relaxation Hours

your mom will come home and find y’all asleep and then SHE uwu’s and it’s just one big cute MESS

he loves to kiss you right as he’s leaving like he’ll lay one on you then RUN to the bus stop

p.s. maurice is on y’all every day saying he called it AY

his other favorite kisses are when he catches you off guard and just turns you around and kisses you and you’re like

I’m Confused But I Like This

lots of sweet pecks throughout the day and then longer slower stuff when you’re home and alone and relaxing

leaves hickeys on your neck literally just to be annoying

it’s oKAY THO DONT TELL HIM YOU LIKE IT

months pass and youve said your first “i love you’s” to each other and renjun is always like so when y’all gettin married huh

you both SMACK him simultaneously

but lowkey you would marry mark he’s the best and you love him so wHY NOT

but it’s early and you know that and you’re happy with what you have now :))))))

pls love and support our hardworking baby mark lee he is doing his best and i love him goodnight

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Oh right I wanted to rant. Im still on my phone so there might be typos but oh well

Edit: this got way longer and rambly than I expected oops. I hope this read more works, i never actually checked yesterday when I used it to see if it still worked on mobile so if it doesnt oops and sorry

Anyways. In september a new company took over our contract and thats a whole rant on its own. The previous lead (my dad but not important) left before the new company came and he left Sam in charge. Sam has been there for like four or five years and he's a pretty good guy. When the new cobtract started he was very quickly overwhelmed with the bs and also with the paper abd computer stuff he had to do so he stepped down. Hes still there and actually was still in charge for a bit after he stepped down because we didnt have a new lead.

And now we do have a new lead. This was apparently a Process from what ive heard. Nobody really wanted the job and im not sure how the Boss from the company even went about hiring but i heard that a couple people he considered weren't interested and then I was told that someone was hired or was going to be hired and quick before she even started. I heard these from two differenr people because one told me she qas being walked around and woukd start soon and another said she wasnt coming a day or so later. Someone was hired though and the first night he was there so was the Boss showing him around kinda. I spoke with him a bit and he seemed nice. Def better than the Boss who I cant stand beinf around for long hes got weird and annoying vibes around him.

None of this is actually particularly relevant or necessary for this rant but it came out anyways.

So this new lead has tried all thr different shifts/jobs out and and has been with us for like a month or so now maybe? The first schedule he was properly scheduled on was such a SHIT week/schedule because I went from working 5-4 days a week to 3 and instead of doing bathrooms which is 3 hours or 4 depending on if I'm also doing trash to working 2 hours one day, 2 or 3 the next, and 3 or 4 the last. And it sucks. Then, the first schedule to come out that he made (with the help of the Boss) had ALL of us on less days and hours and HE now working every day but one and working both in the morning AND at night. Now I'm not convinced this was soley his decision because I know he made this schedule with the Boss and i have a suspicion that the Boss encouraged him or persuaded him or some other kind of bull shit to do the schedule like this. And then the week after was the same schedule copied again and this week coming up is the same minus a few small changes.

Now all this is annoying and bull shit on its own but not even the main fuel to this rambling rant. With this schedule, hes scheduled to clean the bathrooms and trash every day except Sunday, which is when I am scheduled on them. Last week was the first week of this and besides the day I'm specificed to do bathrooms im not given a specific job. Imbonly told to do "extras" so ive asked Sam and hes told me to do offices one day and some windows the other. I come in Saturday ready to do the windows which ive been dying to do because they look awful and they used to be my Thing so I get really annoyed about them often but then I notice the trash hadnt been done. So I start doing that thinking maybe that was what I was supposed to be doing. Then while doing this I notice the main breakroom doesnt look particularly clean, breakrooms are a part of the bathroom persons job. This was annoying but because it wasnt Bad I left it. I then go to the next break room which is smaller and always messier because more people stay in it for longer, this one also looked dirtier than it should be. In addition, the bathroom's trash hadnt beeb taken out which is a part of the bathroom job. Bathroom trash is separate from trash trash as far as jobs go, theyre usually done together but if someone is doinf "extras" and someone else bathrooms, bathrooms normally gets bathroom trash abd extras the rest. Something felt really off about the bathroom as well and combined with the breakdowns I had a suspicion that bathrooms hadnt been done. So I decided to check the costumer bathrooms for their trash and their cleanliness. When I got there they absolutely had not been done. Which ! I hadn't planned for. I was taking my time on trash and now I had to do bathroom s.

Nobody had been called or texted about the lead not being at work. And he absolutely has our numbers. We used to sign in on a time sheet and that would have helped us noticed but we recently got a finger print time clock which, as far as I know, we cant check other peoples hours on. So we had no fucking clue he just hadnt been in the previous night.

Then this week comes along. Friday talking with Sam he mentioned something along the lines of not checking the bathrooms. Mentioning that its not really our fault if we dont abd they havent been done because since were not scheduled for them, we have no reason to assume they wouldnt be done. So I hadnt looked in the bathrooms but I did notice the break room looked a bit messy and which had me a bit concerned about a repeat of the previous week. But I didnt wanna do them and I knew Sam didnt either so I left it be but texted nick to ask if hed seen the lead the previous night. Nick confirmed hed been in and was seen cleaning the bathrooms. Yesterday, I briefly looked into the main break room and it looked not great, and then later I went to the bathroom in the smaller breakroom's bathroom (they have really nice soap they buy themselves thats not really importantto this tho) and noticed that one looked AWFUL. It absolutly hadnt been swept and I felt bad but it wasnt what I was scheduled for so I just kinda left it... Their bathroom also had 1ply toilet paper in it, which is what we had when the company first took over it its AWFUL everyone complained so we switched but the unused rolls are still in our closet. Nobody told our new lead this so he had put some of this in the bathrooms. Then later on in the morning, I noticed several trash cans had stuff in it. Not trash but like residue from trash? Like sticky spots of soda oe coffee, some gum, things like that. Basically things that pointed to him only dumping out the trash and not changing the bag. The bags dont always get changed everyday, thats not really an issue, but if theres something still kinda in them they normally are changed because thats gross and why would it just be left like that... I also noticed that up front by the entrance door none of the trash had been got. The busiest area for trash (from customers) and it was still ! There! And I had actually heard Friday or last Friday that this wasnt the first time. Again I left it because I had other things to do.

Now this morning. I worked bathrooms and trash. Trash went ok, I changed a lot of the bags becsuse I prefer to do it regardless and it was just normal overall. Then bathrooms. The bathroom cart is a mess. Which started my mood. The top is all unorganized and theres dirty water in the mop bucket. When I went go get new water, I had set the mop off to the side assuming it had already veen run out and dried because it had been in the part of the bucket where you ring it out and it had been there since yesterday morning. I finished filling the bucket and then look over and notice the puddle forming under the mop because my assumption had been wrong and worse, it smelled like pee. ! Carring on The first two bathrooms were ok, not great but fine. Then I got to the main breakroom and noticed itd clearly been cleaned, Sam worked the day shift Saturday so I assume he swept and mopped. I also swept and mopped. Then, the small break room. Sam didnt clean this one. Which is fair on his part because I think throughout the whole day at least one or more people are sitting in it with no time for someone to clean. So I start and its just the whole thing, even the bathroom floor, was so bad. Aside from the floor the bathroom part was ok, but the floor really didnt seem to have been swept. And the main floor absolutely hadnt been swept. This was obvious from the start but it kept making me madder and madder as I swept and saw how much trash was on the floor. It absolutely put me behind because I wanted to get as much as I could. The cutomer bathrooms also looked pretty bad which is had to tell who thats on, but wheb I got to them it was apparent somethibg else I hadnt fully thought of as a problem until then. Behind all the toilets, like on then but behidb the seat part, there was so much DUST. I had noticed before in the other bathrooms but didnt really think about it because of things plus i see the dust more often collect in the orher bathrooms than that one for some reason and I didnt even realize this but because it was something New in the costumer bathroom it was really noticeable now. Which made ne even madder. Its not hard to clean, were supposed to be cleaning the toilet seats anyways so getting just behind them isnt anything!

And its just so aggrivating. The longer at work i was this morning the more it pissed me off. Especially because in addition to what I was seeing, the things I had heard from others over the last couple of weeks started piling on.

With my own eyes i had seen how bad the cart had been and from sam I heard that the water in the bucket had been in there all week, he suspected that he wasnt changing it. He also commented on the rags all over the cart thinking that he wasnt using paper towels to clean and instead used the rags. I heard about how a couple of times now hed forgotten or ignore the front trash cans and some others. I heard from someone in the meat room that when he cleans it he doesnt do that grear a job and even broke a couple small things. Which is all very concerning to hear since thats a fucking sanitation issue!? And I heard from nick yesterday that he thinks that the lead isnt cleaning all thw bathrooms every day and is instead only cleaning them when they look dirty. Which I'm a bit inclinded to believe because the underside of some of the seats seemed much dirtier than id expected.

And its all infuriating! The Boss is the one who showed him all the jobs, none of us showed him any of what we do it was all the Boss. So like, did HE tell the lead not to do this or that? To do some of it to save time? I dont know but some of it is common sense regardless of what hes beeb told hes still fucking it up and hes our fucking boss. And the main one doing everything!

The store hasnt looked as clean from the start of this new contract and now it's even worse and its awful!

And I dont have a way to end this rant it got really long snd feels like it needs a good closer but I dont have one...

[tngrayson]

Stalker

A/N: In response to an anonymous ask: “Hi! I saw your post about requests for the punisher! I was wondering if you could do a Billy Russo imagine where him and reader are high school sweethearts and someone is stalking her and she goes to Billy maybe when hes working at Anvil and is so scared and he gets mad bc doesnt want her to ever be in danger.”

Here you are, anon. I hope you like it!

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1400

Warnings: none

Billy sat at the large desk in his office, clicking through new-hire prospects on his computer when his desk phone beeped. Absently, he reached over and pressed the answer button, turning on the video feed so he could see his secretary a few floors down at her desk. “What is it?”

“Mr. Russo? You have someone here to see you.”

“Tell them I’m busy.” He hung up, tapping his pen against a folder as he thought about his options for a new trainer at Anvil.

A few seconds later, the phone beeped again. “Pamela, do I need to have someone else come down there and do your job for you?”

“No, sir, it’s just,” she held the phone closer whispering as she looked over at you nervously. “She’s demanding to see you.” She pressed a button on the network phone, flipping the camera view so he could see what was in front of her. You were pacing between the front door and the main desk, looking around frantically, and making suspicious glances out the big glass doors. “Should I get security down here?”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He smirked.

“Sir?”

“No. No, I’ll be down there in a second.”

You sat with your legs crossed on the couch in Billy’s office. He was pacing, looking through the folder you had given him. Inside, there were photos of you going about your daily routines; checking the mailbox, looking out the window, driving to work, walking to lunch. The pictures had been mailed to you. At first, they were once a week, but the frequency had upped to once a day now. Aside from the pictures, the person stalking you hadn’t tried to make contact.

“How long has this been going on?”

“About a month. At first, I thought it was nothing, but the pictures kept coming. And then the notes. I found that last one on my bed when I got home this morning. I came straight here.”

Billy flipped the photo over to reveal a love letter to you on the back. Most of the more recently delivered photos had either love notes or elaborate threats written on the backs.

“Jesus, Y/N. And you don’t have any idea who this could be?”

You answered instantly, shaking your head ‘no’. “I have no idea. I haven’t pissed anyone off. I don’t have any enemies. No one comes to mind.” You sat forward, swiping your hair out of your face, trying to fight the tears that threatened to come.

“Great.” Billy tossed the folder on his desk and shoved his hands into his pants pockets as he walked to the large window thinking. You were already nervous, so you flinched when the folder hit the desk. You hadn’t meant to upset him, but you didn’t know who else to come to.

“I’m sorry to dump this on you, Bill. I know it’s been a long time and we’re not in high school anymore and we’re not... I just-“ you sniffled, overwhelmed. “I just didn’t know who else to come to and if we’re being completely honest here, I’m terrified.”

Billy remembered your days in high school together. You two had dated for nearly three years back then and he had been head over heels for you. He’d told himself that he would always be there for you, but your relationship came to a screeching halt when he enlisted. He hadn’t mentioned it to you until he was about to ship off for basic training. Even now, he never really knew why he didn’t tell you. Needless to say, you ended the relationship and you two had barely spoken in the years since. That was mostly because you didn’t have a way to contact him, and he hadn’t tried to contact you after he got out of the military. He couldn’t help but feel like this was partly his fault for not being there to protect you.

He turned to you. “I’ll take care of this.”

“What are you going to do?”

Billy sighed, thinking. “Is this everything you have from him?”

“Yeah.”

He called one of his security crew into the office, giving them the folder to look for prints and run them for a match. He kneeled in front of you, placing a gentle hand on your cheek, tilting your head so he could meet your eyes. “Look at me. We’ll figure this out, alright?”

You nodded.

“In the meantime, I want you to stay in my apartment. You’ll be safe there.”

“Billy…I don’t want to be a burden.”

“I’m gonna have to insist, Y/N. I want you safe until we get this taken care of.”

A few nights later, you had been sleeping in Billy’s bed when a sudden noise and a hushed exclamation of “shit!” came from the kitchen. You jerked awake, glancing over at the clock on the night table.  It was nearly four in the morning. In the week that you had been there, Billy would often come home after you had gone to sleep, but never this late. You yawned, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you tiptoed out of the room into the main part of the apartment. “Billy?”

You thought you heard him groan. You were sure you heard him breathing heavily in the dim light.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” He turned his side to you, standing awkwardly and trying to hide something. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to bed, I’ll be there in a minute.” As he took a step toward the bathroom he nearly doubled over, groaning and grabbing the back of the couch to stand.

You rushed over to help him. You grabbed his side and his hand shot up to grab your wrist. When you pulled it away, there was blood on it.

“What the hell happened?!” You lifted his shirt, revealing a deep cut just above his waist.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” He tried to push his shirt back down. You pulled him into the bathroom.

“This doesn’t look like nothing…” reaching under the cabinet looking for first aid supplies. “Start talking,” you demanded, setting a first aid bag on the counter. You helped him remove his top and began to clean the wound.

Billy smiled at you, admiring your stubbornness. “We were on a private security job and there was an issue.” He sighed. “Long story short, I underestimated the guy.”

You placed your hand on his stomach gently, concentrating on the few stitches that he needed. Without looking up, you asked, “Who was he?”

Billy hesitated for a moment, looking down at you. “He was your stalker.” He spoke carefully, watching for your reaction.

You stopped, biting your lip as your heart began to race. “Are you sure? How do you know?” You finished the last stitch with a shaky hand.

Billy grabbed your hand, pulling you up to eye level. “We matched his prints to the ones on the photos you brought in. He’s dead, Y/N.”

Your brow furrowed. None of this made sense. How had the guy learned where Billy was working tonight? Even still, how was he able to get that close? You knew the guy was a creep, and even though he had gotten into your apartment, you never penned him to be skilled enough to plan something like this.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Billy. How did he even get this close to you?”

“Didn’t fall for it, huh.” He let out a bitter laugh, looking away. “Damnit.”

“Hey,” You brought a hand up to cup his face. “What really happened tonight?”

Billy grabbed both of your hands in his, bringing them down flat against his bare chest. He sighed again, knowing that you wouldn’t like the truth. After so many years, he had you back in his arms and he didn’t want to lose you again. He tried to imagine how would you react if he told you that he tracked down your stalker. That he found his apartment and waited in the dark for him to come home.

“I really did underestimate the guy, and he really is dead. You don’t have to worry about him anymore.” He searched your eyes as you tried to put it all together. “Let’s just leave it at that. Okay?”

You looked up at him, his face was soft and pleading you not to ask any more questions. You knew Billy had done some gruesome things in the past, and you didn’t want to imagine him doing any of those things again, especially not for you. It was probably for the best if you counted your blessings and dropped the subject for good. You rested your head on his chest and you wrapped your arms around each other.

“Okay,” you whispered.

[loveismyreligionom]

Entry 9; 05.13.19 @ 2:33 p.m.

I’m at work on break. It’s just me on the patio and the new hostess sitting a few tables from me. 

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and I worked the lunch shift. I texted my mother and other mother ( my best friend’s mom) and meant to call my grandmother but forgot. I know she won’t care but I really wanted to call and the reason I forgot isn’t a good enough one. There’s this guy I met online and we decided to meet up yesterday since it was the only free time I had. He is really nice but I can tell he is going to get clingy. Well, he wont because I’m cutting him off...already have. He was constantly complimenting me and it was bothering me. I like compliments but if I’m trying to have a conversation and you always find a way to twist everything into something about my appearence....I just hate that. I want to be heard and mentally stimulated. Also, he kept randomly asking if I was enjoying myself, when I wanted him to leave and if he was going to see me again OMG. It was irritating, he couldnt just relax and enjoy the moment. I thought he wanted to leave so I told him we would watch one more episode of Rick and Morty (he came over) and then he could leave. Then he told me he was fine with that but he wouldnt mind staying a little longer like??? Then why are you constantly asking when you should go?? Ugh it was annoying and then when he left, he wanted me to text him until I went to bed. I told him I was tired and that I just wanted to go to sleep but really I stayed up watched Hulu and smoked a bowl. I just feel like I wasted time yesterday witht this guy. I couldnt enjoy the visit at all.

So a quick update on my ex, he is finally gone and out of my life. Unfortunately I didnt get to do it in a chill, civil way. This was a few weeks ago, He was at my place for a few days because his car was getting fixed and I live closer to his job than he does. Of course this whole time he was still half ass trying to get me back. I was planning on keeping the peace until he got his car and then I would break it off gently. I came home from work on a Sunday night and he was already off work and waiting for me. We were fine, just chillin and he rolled a blunt for me. I sat on the couch next to him and he got a few snapchats in a row and opened it right next to me and I saw some sex related words and emojis so I ask him what that was. He quickly tried to hide it from me and show me only part of the conversation. I calmly asked for his phone because I wasnt convinced and he refused and told me that I was acting crazy and thats why I couldnt see it. I told him that he was a hypocrite and that if it was the other way around he would flip out at my refusal. He kept blaming it on my behavior, getting defensive and telling me that he wanted to see my phone and that I’m probably hiding things. I got mad and decided i wasnt going to even entertain his bullshit and told him to not come back when he got his car. He said fine and that pissed me off even more because it was easier to leave than show me his phone. I told him that and he didnt say anything so I told him to call someone and get the hell out. We started arguing because he was talking shit and telling me I was crazy and assuming things. Then I told him to get all his shit and wait outside for his ride and he refused, said he was staying on the couch until they came. I started putting all his shit in a garbage bag and yelling at him to leave. He wouldnt budge so I started screaming and yelling over him “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT” constantly. He got mad because I wouldnt stop yelling and that “ you have neighbors” and “youre making a scene” and I got angrier and kept screaming then he got in my face and started yelling, cussing me out, shoving me and threatening to beat my ass if I didnt shut the fuck up. I backed into my room yelling at him to get the fuck out of my face. He wouldnt and he kept putting his hands on me and backed me up against a wall. Then I finally said that he could sit on the couch and to get out of my face and I would stop. He didnt listen and kept antagonizing and threatening me. At this point I was crying out of frustration and fear and started screaming for him to get out of my face. He punched a hole through my wall and said that if I didnt calm down and shut the fuck up, I would be next and threatening to kill me. I finally shut up and he went and sat on the couch. Then I just started smoking to calm down while I waited for him to leave. Started talking about how much I hate him and how he cant stop cheating and what a piece of shit he was and that I didnt give a fuck what he told people about me or our relationship. “i wouldnt never say nothin bad about you”, he told me and I got mad and told him to shut the fuck up and that he offended me with that. Acting like he has respect for me when this whole time that hes been begging to come back in my life and live with me, hes been talking to girls still. Then he started talking shit telling me that hes been kissing my ass for weeks and basically wasted his time trying to get me back. I glared at him “kissing my ass?!?!! Yeah, I can fucking tell! Nothing ever feels organic with you, everything is fucking forced. I dont deserve a guy that kisses my ass, I deserve a guy that actually wants to do right by me. One that doesnt find it difficult to actually be a loving, faithful, honest boyfriend to me. I cant wait to never see you again, I’m so sick of you”. I blocked his number and all social media right there and told him I was doing it. He said he didnt care and that I was crazy to think he would come back after this and that hes done with me. I didnt give a fuck, I said “good, fucking leave” and we stayed in silence until he left. This all happened within one hour,

 I texted his brother, explained what happened and told him to tell him to stay away from me and that I will call the cops on him. He was my enemy and I want nothing to do with him anymore. I havent heard anything from my ex since and I’m happy. I feel so much better now that he’s gone, like I can finally breathe and live my life. I’m finally getting my life together and have accomplished a lot since the two months I’ve been on my own. 

I’m slowly pushing away any negative things in my life and have learned what I will and won’t put up with. This relationship was awful but I learned my worth and that is something I’m grateful for. 

[strawberryspeachy]

3 years ago my cat had kittens... i could still talk to my mom kind of.... and... things were ok aside from me being upset over some dumb boy

And i was thinking how i wanna go back. I miss my mom so much i want to go back. And was like. Well that wasnt a good time, a year before was better right?

Leading me to the reason why I was so miserable as a kid.

Look. Im a miserable person - i dont want to blame it all on one person but fuck man...

Everytime i think about times where i was happy, i realize SHE was the reason I WASNT.

Middle school - i had friends. I was smart. I liked school. I had hobbies and dreams. But i never wanted to leave school because i didnt want to come home. I didnt want to come home becauae of HER

I keep saying her like im talkig about my mom. Im not. Im talking about my great grandmother

I just sat here for 10 minites telling myself im stupid and making things up and making things out to be worse than they are.... i bet that thinking comes from her in all honesty

Thinking, “did she love me?” Now. I dont care. I dont miss her. Everytime i think about her its upsetting that i had her in my life... the only good thing i can ever say about her is “i know what its like to have a strict parent” THATS NOT GOOD. like fucking thanks for screaming at me every holiday to eat correctly. Now i know table manners. Thats all you did for me - while making me dread every fucking family dinner which aside from you was wonderful because my family used to be cool.

She ruined every holiday. She didnt want decorations. Were were gonna burn down the house. We were making a mess. We were being loud. She doesnt want this or that in HER HOUSE. She constantly chased everyone out the door because she NEVER had anything nice to say. The second she entered the room everyone made excuses to leave. When shed open her fucking creaking door the laughter would stop, smiles turn to cringes and wed all look at each other with the “welp the funs over” face

She was just so mean. You cant be happy because you’re not doing something she wanted you to do. Or you fucked something up. Theres some reason that youre supposed to be upset or concerned. BUT YOU CANT WIN THAT WAY EITHER - if youre upset - how dare you. You have so many good things you entitled undeserving brat. Fucking appriciate everything. The best way was some mixture where you smile but are ready to be pissed the fuck off in a moments notice. Cause if you wete more pissed off than she was the yelling was cut in half and mostly just her telling you not to give her that attitude - instead of a whole lecture on why you’re a fucking failure.

Everytime i think of a better time in my life. Its not even that much better because of that demon in my life. Constantly teling me shes gonna kick me out of the house. Constantly telling me im a burden to my mom. Constantly telling me im the reason for all her problems and saying that my animals were going to banrupt her.

The only thing i did well in her eyes was that i got good grades in school. She beleived my report card. Thats all. Pretty amazing that she could beleive that but thought i was too damn stupid to graduate college because there was a physical paper in front of her that she recognized

If i cooked or cleaned i did it wrong - if i didnt i should have

Why am i always at my best friends house?! “Her family doesnt want you there!!”

Why dont you play with your animals?!? Stop making noise playing with your animals!!

There was no escaping her. I broke my nose in a car accident and my friends mom took me for surgery. She came running out of the house to complain to my friends mom about how she could have taken me but i didnt ask her and im so awful - right after my surgery. Cause like why dont you want someone whose constantly bitching at you and telling you how shit you are to take you to a stressful surgery?

Conditional love... i already knew that... but its like the first time ive used it myself and havent just attributed the description.

She was my step - great grandmother. Shes all i ever knew but we werent blood related.

She loved my grandfather and my aunt and even my aunts two kids - the way family loves. She was still a bitch but she didnt disown them when they bugged her

The rest of us. Including my mom. Conditional love. Its not like she never did nice things. But she did expecting something in return.

Maybe shes why i dont like dealing with people im not allowed to say no to. Like i have such a deep seeded hatred for that relationship that the second i sense it i just refuse to deal with it again. You couldnt say no to her. You couldnt. If you said no to her about ANYTHING pack your fucking bags and get the hell out of HER HOUSE. that was her favorite two words. She needed my moms and grandfathers help and asked them to move in. But. We were guests in HER HOUSE.

I had some trauma as a kid that I probably would have gotten over if the happy family i knew before we moved to my great grandmothers stayed that way. But my aunt was always miserable. My uncle ran away as fast as possible. And my mom. A people pleaser. You know those old traditions where a man marrys and then he fucks off and does whatever he wants leaving his wife to serve his parents hand and foot. That was my moms life. He cheated on her and the demon made fun of her for everything, apparently constantly telling “dumb poloc” jokes. My mom cleaned everyday and cooked and took care of everyone and took care of our farm basically alone. I tried to help... i was a kid... and she was depressed. You wouldn’t know if you didnt really listen - which no one else in my family did.

And i looked at my mom everyday. I didnt really get it. All i knew was she was a wonderful kind generous happy - all around best human. And yet. Her life sucked. And she was sad. And i wonder if my mom would have been so sad if not for the demon...

My grandfather loved his mom.... but he used to never come in the house. My whole life. He was always out. The moment she died, he was always in the house. Maybe because he missed her and was sad.... but... i dont think so.... he stopped drinking a case of beer every night too

This whole post just to say... im mad that if goven the chance... im not sure if id go back to any of those times where i had to live with the demon... even though everything else at those times were good... the amount of stress and misery she gave me... almost outweigh the good... and. There was alot of good. I miss so many things.

I wanna be with my mom again. Without the dementia. I wanna be with my animals. I wanna be with my friends. I want second chances. I wanna make changes.

I loved her dude...i used to wish good things on her... i beleived she truely cared about me...

When she was dying. She couldn’t talk. Her friend called. I offered to put the phone to her ear. The friend was dismayed when i aswered. The tone of her voice changed. And she went “oh. The granddaughter.” She asked to talk to the demon as though i was holding the phone away from her and like i just wanted to hear whatever secrets she may have and wouldnt actually put it to her ear. She hung up angerly... as though... i wasnt an upset family member... i got preoccupied by the pleading look in my greatgrandmothers eyes. She wanted me to put the phone to her ear... but the woman had already hung up. I told her she had to go but said shes thinking of her. She looked so disappointed that she couldn’t hear it herself. And i felt... still feel bad... for the dying woman in her last days...

But maybe if she hadnt constantly talked about me as though i was the worst person because i dared to live my life the same as my aunt with animals and friends. But then go off to college but take a server job when o couldnt find a better one. Talked about me like i tried to kill her myself and that i was so lazy and rude and terrible. Maybe. Her bitchy friend. Wouldnt have hung up upon even having to interact with me

And then. Even in death. She made sure that i knew my place. she wrote her obituary herself. She put my aunts kids who are 13+ years younger than me, ahead of me, when listing her great grandchildren.

[effervescentmind]

Entry 9; 05.13.19 @ 2:33 p.m.

I’m at work on break. It’s just me on the patio and the new hostess sitting a few tables from me. 

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and I worked the lunch shift. I texted my mother and other mother ( my best friend’s mom) and meant to call my grandmother but forgot. I know she won’t care but I really wanted to call and the reason I forgot isn’t a good enough one. There’s this guy I met online and we decided to meet up yesterday since it was the only free time I had. He is really nice but I can tell he is going to get clingy. Well, he wont because I’m cutting him off…already have. He was constantly complimenting me and it was bothering me. I like compliments but if I’m trying to have a conversation and you always find a way to twist everything into something about my appearence….I just hate that. I want to be heard and mentally stimulated. Also, he kept randomly asking if I was enjoying myself, when I wanted him to leave and if he was going to see me again OMG. It was irritating, he couldnt just relax and enjoy the moment. I thought he wanted to leave so I told him we would watch one more episode of Rick and Morty (he came over) and then he could leave. Then he told me he was fine with that but he wouldnt mind staying a little longer like??? Then why are you constantly asking when you should go?? Ugh it was annoying and then when he left, he wanted me to text him until I went to bed. I told him I was tired and that I just wanted to go to sleep but really I stayed up watched Hulu and smoked a bowl. I just feel like I wasted time yesterday witht this guy. I couldnt enjoy the visit at all.

So a quick update on my ex, he is finally gone and out of my life. Unfortunately I didnt get to do it in a chill, civil way. This was a few weeks ago, He was at my place for a few days because his car was getting fixed and I live closer to his job than he does. Of course this whole time he was still half ass trying to get me back. I was planning on keeping the peace until he got his car and then I would break it off gently. I came home from work on a Sunday night and he was already off work and waiting for me. We were fine, just chillin and he rolled a blunt for me. I sat on the couch next to him and he got a few snapchats in a row and opened it right next to me and I saw some sex related words and emojis so I ask him what that was. He quickly tried to hide it from me and show me only part of the conversation. I calmly asked for his phone because I wasnt convinced and he refused and told me that I was acting crazy and thats why I couldnt see it. I told him that he was a hypocrite and that if it was the other way around he would flip out at my refusal. He kept blaming it on my behavior, getting defensive and telling me that he wanted to see my phone and that I’m probably hiding things. I got mad and decided i wasnt going to even entertain his bullshit and told him to not come back when he got his car. He said fine and that pissed me off even more because it was easier to leave than show me his phone. I told him that and he didnt say anything so I told him to call someone and get the hell out. We started arguing because he was talking shit and telling me I was crazy and assuming things. Then I told him to get all his shit and wait outside for his ride and he refused, said he was staying on the couch until they came. I started putting all his shit in a garbage bag and yelling at him to leave. He wouldnt budge so I started screaming and yelling over him “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT” constantly. He got mad because I wouldnt stop yelling and that “ you have neighbors” and “youre making a scene” and I got angrier and kept screaming then he got in my face and started yelling, cussing me out, shoving me and threatening to beat my ass if I didnt shut the fuck up. I backed into my room yelling at him to get the fuck out of my face. He wouldnt and he kept putting his hands on me and backed me up against a wall. Then I finally said that he could sit on the couch and to get out of my face and I would stop. He didnt listen and kept antagonizing and threatening me. At this point I was crying out of frustration and fear and started screaming for him to get out of my face. He punched a hole through my wall and said that if I didnt calm down and shut the fuck up, I would be next and threatening to kill me. I finally shut up and he went and sat on the couch. Then I just started smoking to calm down while I waited for him to leave. Started talking about how much I hate him and how he cant stop cheating and what a piece of shit he was and that I didnt give a fuck what he told people about me or our relationship. “i wouldnt never say nothin bad about you”, he told me and I got mad and told him to shut the fuck up and that he offended me with that. Acting like he has respect for me when this whole time that hes been begging to come back in my life and live with me, hes been talking to girls still. Then he started talking shit telling me that hes been kissing my ass for weeks and basically wasted his time trying to get me back. I glared at him “kissing my ass?!?!! Yeah, I can fucking tell! Nothing ever feels organic with you, everything is fucking forced. I dont deserve a guy that kisses my ass, I deserve a guy that actually wants to do right by me. One that doesnt find it difficult to actually be a loving, faithful, honest boyfriend to me. I cant wait to never see you again, I’m so sick of you”. I blocked his number and all social media right there and told him I was doing it. He said he didnt care and that I was crazy to think he would come back after this and that hes done with me. I didnt give a fuck, I said “good, fucking leave” and we stayed in silence until he left. This all happened within one hour,

 I texted his brother, explained what happened and told him to tell him to stay away from me and that I will call the cops on him. He was my enemy and I want nothing to do with him anymore. I havent heard anything from my ex since and I’m happy. I feel so much better now that he’s gone, like I can finally breathe and live my life. I’m finally getting my life together and have accomplished a lot since the two months I’ve been on my own. 

I’m slowly pushing away any negative things in my life and have learned what I will and won’t put up with. This relationship was awful but I learned my worth and that is something I’m grateful for. 

[isaacathom]

theres not a whole lot to the cop to develop, i guess. she’s a cop. she has a wife and probably a kid. which of them had the kid? dude. idk. shes like..... 30? so shes the oldest person there, yea, but thats not meaning a lot when its just a bunch of 25 year old criminals. seniority in age isnt exactly the issue here.

at my best guess, part of what inspired her to be a cop would stem from her being an elf. while the north are rather friendly towards elves, particularly in comparison to the south, its impossible for there no hostility, no stereotyping. as an elf who only speaks basic elven, she’s got a disconnect between her culture and that of her environment. as an elf, she’s a poor one. as an elf, she’s isolated in a predominantly human city. its a sort of lose lose.

so you get treated like shit a lot. and you grow to idolise those who have power. in part, that explains her loyalty to the royals, despite the kings utter fucking incompetence. she’s not blindly loyal, which is why she usually talks to Crown if she must talk to one of them, but she’s got that streak. and the guard, obviously, and all the associated groups. it makes sense to want to be in that untouchable position, where noone can hurt you, when you’re being hurt.

so she becomes a cop, because royalty isnt gonna happen. it takes time. it takes years. she falls in love with and marries in the time between starting training and being formally inducted into the guard. she feels absolutely unstoppable now. that she’s going to protect those who are wronged.

then, yknow... the law? and the letter of it? oof, baby, honey, no. she comes to see how those in power can abuse it, with her rose tinted glasses removed. she sees how its the letter and not the spirit that is enforced. how those that are hurt can be kept hurt. and it fucks her up. and theres the fact that now she’s a cop, and actively trying to curb the power of the major criminal players, that they have their eyes on her. that there is likely an incident where her wife could have died. maybe their first child even dies, i dont know. and it sucks! it absolutely sucks! that she has to both arrest people who she knows are good, and good people, and that she has to watch those she loves most be hurt because of her choice of profession. it sucks!!!! she and her wife have to live separately, and it sucks!!! she likely has to arrest someone she knows after they get attacked and fight back, and it sucks!!!

she’s probably a little disillusioned with the whole thing. the guard aren’t untouchable, aren’t infallible, and are often wrong. it sucks

the criminals fighting crime initiative wasn’t her idea. it was Crown’s idea. but the cop is a champion for it. she firmly believes that it could be a way to save some of the people who were imprisoned unjustly, but who the law couldnt save. she volunteers - volunteers - to be in charge of the first batch. but she’s not in charge of the full op, is she? so of course its someone above her picking the participants.

she’s a little miffed about the selection. Koci she’s glad is getting a chance to reduce her sentence, since Koci is one of the cases the cop has been fighting hardest for. since, well... its not exactly subtle the signs that koci was badly injured before joining the pact. its obvious that she was almost killed (or actually killed, they dont knw) before she lashed out and killed hundreds. she was possessed, it wasnt her. but she did the crime. she does the time. and the cop hates it.

Rien is a mixed bag. the cop has met them before, and they seemed a good person. they were suspicious off the bat for being a westerner, and due to the existing migrated western gang, but they were nice, and Amali trusted them, so they seemed good. they were well liked among the farmers and the market. but then, yknow, they come in confessing to being a bandit who had robbed dozens and carted goods illegally across the southern border and who had also gotten Amali killed in a bandit attack. ok. we’ve got issues. are they a good person, or a bad person? do they deserve a chance to redeem themself? the cop sort of manages by justifying it as Rien proving that they aren’t a liar, and that they meant what they said. which would prove them as a mostly - mostly - good person, in the end, right????? sure.

Warzens a flat ‘fuck no’ from the cop. Warzen is an unapologetic necromancer. unapologetic. unabashed. mans a proud fucking necromancer. he’s weird. he’s an asshole, he’s a criminal with no remorse. the only thing tha seems to go in his favour, aside from his skillset being potentially useful in the field, is that he seemed genuinely distressed when they destroyed his workshop home when hey arrested him. like... that was some from the soul pain. not the pain of someone mildly inconvenienced. he lost something in that fire, and it... it tugs at the strings, a little. a little. he’s still kind of an asshole, and the cop is POSITIVE he doesnt fuckin deserve the chance. but fine. fuck it. he’ll be under lock and key the entire fucking time, planar magically speaking. it should be fine.

Saval is...... a very mixed bag. they have the same issue as Warzen - an unabashed and unashamed criminal. A shit one, sure, considering she knocked herself out trying to rob a place, but a criminal nevertheless. she regrets none of it, beyond the consequences it held. That would place her in the Warzen camp. But. But but but. her information has resulted in the arrests of dozens of criminals. her in conjunction with a few of them captured have basically destroyed most of the western gang. she has been valuable. so her position on the crim gang is basically a sort of thanks, since the law provides no other way to reduce her sentence, really. but that doesn’t mean the cop likes it. does saval genuinely deserve the chance to get out of jail earlier, considering she’ll likely go right back to crime when she’s free? the cop doesn’t know. how far can kindness extend?

but the cop championed the initiative. she has to stick by it, regardless of her distaste for the group that was picked. on the inside, she knows its a form of sabotage. she knows that there are higher ups who dont want the initiative to work and are going to scapegoat the fuck out of her when it fails due to their shit selection of people. but she’s gonna fight tooth and nail to make it successful, god fucking dammit. 

she’s basically trying her damn hardest to keep the entire group from falling apart. its the only reason she breaks up arguments - not because she really, personally cares too much, but because the less fighting, the better. like when koci starts angrily ranting at Rien for no other reason than that Rien seems like an easy target, the cop doesn’t.... personally care? but knows that breaking it up early is better than potentially making Rien angry, and having Rien sabotage the whole thing. especially since Rien seems to be on board with the whole thing.

its a bit higher stakes when it comes to warzen and saval due to their uhhhh unreliability, we’ll say. HARD fuck no. the less those two get pissed off, the better. its a cfucking relief to the cop when warzen/rien and saval/koci become friends. because now theres a sort of ‘back up’. theres a fall back. they can be caught before exiting. the concern is that warzen might drag rien outwards rather than rien dragging him inwards, buuuut she’ll cross that bridge when it comes up.

tl;dr the cop wanted to be untouchable and protect people, kind of got neither by becoming a cop and essentially the king’s fucking lackey, and is reaaaaalllllllyyy fucking hoping that this criminals-fighting-crime thing works out and she is completely fucked. both in terms of having a job (and potentially being alive, depending on outcome) and in terms of like. mentality. :)

[samanthasroberts]

The Best Bachelor in Paradise Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2

Last night in Paradise we finally said goodbye and fuck you to Chad, got to see round 2 of Nick Viall vs. Josh Murray drama, and my ED Evan gaydar scale practically exploded after his professions of “love” for Carly. This show is so unscriptedly (not a word? Idc) amazing that ‘paradise’ actually refers to how I feel sitting on my couch watching these losers talk mad shit about each other. So WTF went down last night?

The Chad Breakdown Continues

Chad is definitely still wasted from last night, and Chris Harrison is def just pissed he has to interrupt his robe-lounging to deal with this. “It’s worth it for the **ratings**” – Probably a post-it on Chris Harrison’s mini bar.

Chris Harrison:Where are you going??? Chad: I dont know, Tijuana or something.

Then Leah comes and I’m pretty sure all of America/Bachelor Nation is like, Leah who?

….mmm nope.

Of COURSE she comes on the show and is looking for Chad. Could it BE any more staged???

– Leah talking about Chad / me talking about my dog

said no one ever, until Leah

Okay just had a flashback to Leah throwing Lauren B under the bus. Classy chick! However she does look like Mena Suvari in American Beauty when she cries.

Nick / Leah / Amanda Triangle

Leah gives up on the Chad situation and moves onto her next target, slick Nick.

Nick:– Nick prior to running a controlled empirical study on Leah.

Nick: Thanks for asking me on this date Leah: Thanks for coming …Can you say chemistry??

Leah:– that’s what she said.

Leah:I’m very confident when I say I think I have a lot of qualities that you’re looking for Nick:I really appreciate what you’re saying. I actually think I’m leaning towards Amanda k thx bai.

Nick decides he’s just not that into Leah (probably either her lip injections or her fragrance of desperation, tbd) and moves onto Amanda, mother of 2.

Nick: I love fires and sitting near them Amanda: I love lamp

“No child left behind” – Not Amanda’s parenting philosophy.

Carly and Evan

Evan gets a date card and asks Carly and I literally don’t think I’ve ever seen someone want to cry more after getting a date.

– Evan sounds like the 40 year old virgin describing boobs like bags of sand.

“Evan does give me erectile dysfunction” – An amazing quote that I can’t believe we didn’t think of first

Carly: My brother told me I have to stop dating feminine men…like my first boyfriend now has a boyfriend. And now this again. – Looks like somebody’s got a type!

Carly and Evan have completely opposite reactions to the jabanero kiss:

Evan: My mouth is on fire and I don’t know if it’s the pepper or from kissing Carly.

Carly: I vommitted…and it’s not just from the pepper.

Josh Murray vs. Nick

So before we get into the ancient epic battle between Josh and Nick (more epic than the Sunni-Shiite conflict I can assure you), we feel it’s our duty to reveal what Andi Dorfman wrote about him in her amazing/scandalous tell-all. Basically, according to her (but also like, def true), he was seriously emotionally abusive towards her in all our favorite ways – accusing her of cheating, not letting her spend time with her besties, stalking her social media for signs of other guys, having humil screaming matches in public…you really have to read it to get the full effect. (We’re not even getting paid to say that!!)

Josh on Andi: We were just like, very different in a lot of ways. – He is obviously very pissed about this book.

The Bachelor producers LOVE fucking with Nick Viall’s emotions. Third time still not a charm.

Amanda should’ve stayed with Nick.

Other Miscellanous Lameness

– Daniel

Lace was sadly very uninteresting last night except her eyelash extensions, which are malfunctioning.

Emily’s idea of sexy small talk is unreal:

Emily: What are you thinking about? Jared: Paradise…

Jared is obviously conflicted about hooking up with Emily, like he’s not into her clearly but he doesn’t want to get kicked off. It’s muy interesante how whenever the guys have the roses the girls whore themselves out, and when the girls have the roses the guys pretend to have feelings. Feminist AF.

Week Two Night Two

Second week of paradise, second night of the week that I have to watch the same show for reasons unknown.

This episode starts with Josh and Amanda incessantly making out in front of everyone, while making meerkat noises.

Nick is obviously displeased so he continues to workout on the beach while taking breaks to shed a tear.

Daniel is unhappy because theres a new guy in Paradise who is about to take his love interest awayChristian. I literally do not remember him but apparently Sarah is super into the guy. All we know is that hes really fucking smiley… like hes about to pull out Jamaican steel drums and serenade everyone on the beach.

Daniel yeah or just Canadian.

Meanwhile ED Evan cant shut the fuck up about his date with Carly. Vinny: Wow kissed for a minute and 46 seconds. Evan: 41 seconds! It was like butterfly explosions.

Carly has the talk with Evan where she breaks up with him even though all they did was go on one awful date together. If Carly were a guy she would like never talk to him, ignore him, and then hook up with someone else in front of him.

Now that Evan is my ex-boyfriend Carly.

Enter new guy Brendan. Even Chris Harrison doesnt know who Brendan is (even though Chris Harrison definitely knows who he is and that scene was literally more scripted than a fight on ). Carly falls in love at first sight but doesnt realize that Brendan is dumber than anyone who has ever been on this television show. Brendan picks Haley (or Emily?) on his date.

This time Im doing a bad job in paradise. Like Last time I did a really bad job in paradise but this time Im doing like a worse job. Carly

Before her sisters date Emily drinks a beer and gets wasted which was THE BEST part of this entire episode.

My best friend is going on a date and like now that shes engaged Im so happy. I didnt mean to get like this!! Someone please give her more alcohol.

Brendan and Haleys date was the most absurd thing Ive ever seen. I want to find a woman who wants to give 110% HE IS Brendan Frasier in .

Why would Brendan even notice that the twins switched on him? I could barely tell the difference? But also like, he is giving this like loving we have a connection speech that I promise he would have given to any girl he would have picked. (But apparently not Carly).

Back at the house, because Daniel was supes jealous of Sarah and Christians new connection he makes a little mini date on a daybed for them.

Daniel: I’m an eagle and this eagle knows what he wants.

Sarah: I Just want to be appreciated for who I am and respect who I am. Daniel: Samesies. I hate it when people don’t respect me. Flashback to Daniel one episode ago: I was looking for some good looking girls so far I’m not impressed. Nothing I’d touch, maybe the one blonde girl if I had a couple of drinks in me. So far these are poodles and yorkies and washed up street dogs. I’d have to be white girl wasted to fuck them.

Sarah: DAMN DANIEL!

Sarah refers to Daniel as the goofy one who is weird and kinda dumb but makes her laugh. Can we all agree that Daniel IS Canadian Joey Tribbiani?

Daniel, Romance Expert.

PS Why are all the couples, the self proclaimed sexy six, all making out together in one bed and not like, alone? What is this, the junior prom limo!?

Then the best thing to ever happen on this show happens. Evan self implodes.

The producers first convince him not to leave. Then they somehow manipulate him into thinking that the girl he has the best chance with is Amanda, yes, the one Josh is about to engulf.

Either I was like really high or this was SOOOO funny but watching Evan write a sad handwritten note to himself was probably the best television of life.

Then he pumps himself up by calling himself by his full name. YOURE FRICKIN EVAN BASS .. however I am pretty sure he meant it in the sense that like, he is like related to Chuck Bass and thats what makes him cool. Yes I fully believe Evan watches .

Then the producers convince him to walk up to Amanda and Josh while theyre hooking up to ask Amanda out. Whether this was scripted or not, this was good. The other reason for him doing this was his chance to get closer to Josh. Think about it, Chad was pretty hot and Evan loved stirring the pot with him on . Now he wants to get steamy with Josh. I can see that exciting little Evan. Aka Ogie from the movie (obscure but like, so accurate).

Don’t do it Evan, this will end poorly!! – all of America.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/30/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/

[adambstingus]

The Best Bachelor in Paradise Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 2

Last night in Paradise we finally said goodbye and fuck you to Chad, got to see round 2 of Nick Viall vs. Josh Murray drama, and my ED Evan gaydar scale practically exploded after his professions of “love” for Carly. This show is so unscriptedly (not a word? Idc) amazing that ‘paradise’ actually refers to how I feel sitting on my couch watching these losers talk mad shit about each other. So WTF went down last night?

The Chad Breakdown Continues

Chad is definitely still wasted from last night, and Chris Harrison is def just pissed he has to interrupt his robe-lounging to deal with this. “It’s worth it for the **ratings**” – Probably a post-it on Chris Harrison’s mini bar.

Chris Harrison:Where are you going??? Chad: I dont know, Tijuana or something.

Then Leah comes and I’m pretty sure all of America/Bachelor Nation is like, Leah who?

….mmm nope.

Of COURSE she comes on the show and is looking for Chad. Could it BE any more staged???

– Leah talking about Chad / me talking about my dog

said no one ever, until Leah

Okay just had a flashback to Leah throwing Lauren B under the bus. Classy chick! However she does look like Mena Suvari in American Beauty when she cries.

Nick / Leah / Amanda Triangle

Leah gives up on the Chad situation and moves onto her next target, slick Nick.

Nick:– Nick prior to running a controlled empirical study on Leah.

Nick: Thanks for asking me on this date Leah: Thanks for coming …Can you say chemistry??

Leah:– that’s what she said.

Leah:I’m very confident when I say I think I have a lot of qualities that you’re looking for Nick:I really appreciate what you’re saying. I actually think I’m leaning towards Amanda k thx bai.

Nick decides he’s just not that into Leah (probably either her lip injections or her fragrance of desperation, tbd) and moves onto Amanda, mother of 2.

Nick: I love fires and sitting near them Amanda: I love lamp

“No child left behind” – Not Amanda’s parenting philosophy.

Carly and Evan

Evan gets a date card and asks Carly and I literally don’t think I’ve ever seen someone want to cry more after getting a date.

– Evan sounds like the 40 year old virgin describing boobs like bags of sand.

“Evan does give me erectile dysfunction” – An amazing quote that I can’t believe we didn’t think of first

Carly: My brother told me I have to stop dating feminine men…like my first boyfriend now has a boyfriend. And now this again. – Looks like somebody’s got a type!

Carly and Evan have completely opposite reactions to the jabanero kiss:

Evan: My mouth is on fire and I don’t know if it’s the pepper or from kissing Carly.

Carly: I vommitted…and it’s not just from the pepper.

Josh Murray vs. Nick

So before we get into the ancient epic battle between Josh and Nick (more epic than the Sunni-Shiite conflict I can assure you), we feel it’s our duty to reveal what Andi Dorfman wrote about him in her amazing/scandalous tell-all. Basically, according to her (but also like, def true), he was seriously emotionally abusive towards her in all our favorite ways – accusing her of cheating, not letting her spend time with her besties, stalking her social media for signs of other guys, having humil screaming matches in public…you really have to read it to get the full effect. (We’re not even getting paid to say that!!)

Josh on Andi: We were just like, very different in a lot of ways. – He is obviously very pissed about this book.

The Bachelor producers LOVE fucking with Nick Viall’s emotions. Third time still not a charm.

Amanda should’ve stayed with Nick.

Other Miscellanous Lameness

– Daniel

Lace was sadly very uninteresting last night except her eyelash extensions, which are malfunctioning.

Emily’s idea of sexy small talk is unreal:

Emily: What are you thinking about? Jared: Paradise…

Jared is obviously conflicted about hooking up with Emily, like he’s not into her clearly but he doesn’t want to get kicked off. It’s muy interesante how whenever the guys have the roses the girls whore themselves out, and when the girls have the roses the guys pretend to have feelings. Feminist AF.

Week Two Night Two

Second week of paradise, second night of the week that I have to watch the same show for reasons unknown.

This episode starts with Josh and Amanda incessantly making out in front of everyone, while making meerkat noises.

Nick is obviously displeased so he continues to workout on the beach while taking breaks to shed a tear.

Daniel is unhappy because theres a new guy in Paradise who is about to take his love interest awayChristian. I literally do not remember him but apparently Sarah is super into the guy. All we know is that hes really fucking smiley… like hes about to pull out Jamaican steel drums and serenade everyone on the beach.

Daniel yeah or just Canadian.

Meanwhile ED Evan cant shut the fuck up about his date with Carly. Vinny: Wow kissed for a minute and 46 seconds. Evan: 41 seconds! It was like butterfly explosions.

Carly has the talk with Evan where she breaks up with him even though all they did was go on one awful date together. If Carly were a guy she would like never talk to him, ignore him, and then hook up with someone else in front of him.

Now that Evan is my ex-boyfriend Carly.

Enter new guy Brendan. Even Chris Harrison doesnt know who Brendan is (even though Chris Harrison definitely knows who he is and that scene was literally more scripted than a fight on ). Carly falls in love at first sight but doesnt realize that Brendan is dumber than anyone who has ever been on this television show. Brendan picks Haley (or Emily?) on his date.

This time Im doing a bad job in paradise. Like Last time I did a really bad job in paradise but this time Im doing like a worse job. Carly

Before her sisters date Emily drinks a beer and gets wasted which was THE BEST part of this entire episode.

My best friend is going on a date and like now that shes engaged Im so happy. I didnt mean to get like this!! Someone please give her more alcohol.

Brendan and Haleys date was the most absurd thing Ive ever seen. I want to find a woman who wants to give 110% HE IS Brendan Frasier in .

Why would Brendan even notice that the twins switched on him? I could barely tell the difference? But also like, he is giving this like loving we have a connection speech that I promise he would have given to any girl he would have picked. (But apparently not Carly).

Back at the house, because Daniel was supes jealous of Sarah and Christians new connection he makes a little mini date on a daybed for them.

Daniel: I’m an eagle and this eagle knows what he wants.

Sarah: I Just want to be appreciated for who I am and respect who I am. Daniel: Samesies. I hate it when people don’t respect me. Flashback to Daniel one episode ago: I was looking for some good looking girls so far I’m not impressed. Nothing I’d touch, maybe the one blonde girl if I had a couple of drinks in me. So far these are poodles and yorkies and washed up street dogs. I’d have to be white girl wasted to fuck them.

Sarah: DAMN DANIEL!

Sarah refers to Daniel as the goofy one who is weird and kinda dumb but makes her laugh. Can we all agree that Daniel IS Canadian Joey Tribbiani?

Daniel, Romance Expert.

PS Why are all the couples, the self proclaimed sexy six, all making out together in one bed and not like, alone? What is this, the junior prom limo!?

Then the best thing to ever happen on this show happens. Evan self implodes.

The producers first convince him not to leave. Then they somehow manipulate him into thinking that the girl he has the best chance with is Amanda, yes, the one Josh is about to engulf.

Either I was like really high or this was SOOOO funny but watching Evan write a sad handwritten note to himself was probably the best television of life.

Then he pumps himself up by calling himself by his full name. YOURE FRICKIN EVAN BASS .. however I am pretty sure he meant it in the sense that like, he is like related to Chuck Bass and thats what makes him cool. Yes I fully believe Evan watches .

Then the producers convince him to walk up to Amanda and Josh while theyre hooking up to ask Amanda out. Whether this was scripted or not, this was good. The other reason for him doing this was his chance to get closer to Josh. Think about it, Chad was pretty hot and Evan loved stirring the pot with him on . Now he wants to get steamy with Josh. I can see that exciting little Evan. Aka Ogie from the movie (obscure but like, so accurate).

Don’t do it Evan, this will end poorly!! – all of America.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-best-bachelor-in-paradise-recap-youll-ever-read-week-2/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178602825797

[sxly]

I don’t know

Sorry about the spam post text. So here’s background information for context. Since I was in 7th or so grade i’ve been forced to be the adult in my family. My dad ditched (black sterotypes ftw). Mostly it was just a lot of making random dinners reminding my mom to do things and get groceries and getting him ready/ to school. Then my mom had another kid when I was about 12 or 13. But by this time she was already pretty hooked on the pain meds and anxiety meds. but she was managing. She had a steady job as a nurse and things were chill. I thought I’d be a teenager and do random stupid shit. Fast forward to somewhre around. for a bit it was chill. We did some family shit, my mom seemed to realize her problem and was working on it. 

Then around 9th-10th grade she got back on all the meds and it got worse. Most of the days she was in bed nodding in and out of consciousnus. I’d take my brothers to and from school/ daycare and pick up groceries. Doing the laundry for everyone and all that good shit. Then around the end of 10th into 11th grade my mom got sick. She got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it became a shitshow from there. 

My grandma was out of town for the first 45-60 days because of her work. So as a a result most of my days consisted getting caleb clean fed and ready for school and same with jerermiah, making sure he did homework or w/e. Getting groceries, and dealing with anything that needed to be dealt with. My grandma got back, and after a while I thought “Great I can breathe and be a kid again” but what eneded up happenening was since my mom was sik and couldnt work we lost our house. It fucking sucked. 

We moved in with my grandma, intending it to be a thing that only lasted until my mom oculd get better and go back to work. (because the doctor had said hers was caught early enough that with a quick removal of the toumor she would be fine after like 6 weeks of chemo and 3-6 months of rest. But what eneded up happenening is my mom just kept taking her pain meds and switching docotors to get more, which led to fights between my mom and grandma. 

All the meanwhile I had still been taking care of my brothers and shit and basically being the father figure. My brother had been skipping first period to go play with his friends (6th grade shit, whatever) but it had forced the school to do a wellfare check (they send police officers to your house to jsut make sure everything and everyone is okay and if there si anything they can do.) While the police were there my mom assumed my grandma had called them because she was being a “bad mother” (shes not the best mom but definately not the worst) which my grandma hadn’t. It became a really loud verbal fight that almost turned phsysical until the police broke it up. The police calmed everyone down before leaving saying something along the lines of “we’ll e back to check again.” 

I sat both my grandma and mom down and explained that ebcause of their actaions and the fact they couldnt chill for .5 seconds that there was now a high probability that DFCS would be involved now. They told me to shut up and that I didn’t know what the hell  I was talking about.

About a week later the police show back up with a social worker. My mom flis her shit again and my grandma starts yelling too. The social worker takes some notes and whispers some things to the cops. Me and my brothers all get interagated seperately and asked if we had any bruises and what not. Shortly after they left.

My mom still in a rage, cusses my grandma out and takes caleb and her medicine bag and starts walking wherever yelling that she’ll sell herself for money if she needs to. (Her van had been repoed because she just stoped making payments on it) this freaks everyone out becasue my mom was in a psychotic state with my baby brother. We call the police and just ask them to bring them to my grandmas house and we could figure it all all out. My mom tries to fight the police and is being crazy  so they lable her a psych risk and take her to a psych hospital for 72hrs and bring my brother back with us.

My mom gets out, we go through the whole DFCS process, my grandma is given temporary custody of me and my brothers and my mom is is pissed anout it. She calls and sends ridiculously nasty text to everyone in the family to the the point that other than me none of the family is willing to talk to her. My grandma kicks my mom of the house. So she moves in with a family friend. My highschool graduation comes around. But because of all the fammily tension, it is just a shitshow. That night like many I ended up crying and cutting in the bathtub. Summer comes and isn’t too bad, I got to go with one of my friends from highschool and I met my roomate whos pretty cool. 

Summer semester starts, I have the same roomate which is cool, and being able to see Carissa all the time is awesome. 

But it doesnt last long. Fall semester starts  but carissa wasn’t able to stay at the school so she became a transient student which made both of us miserable. I start looking for a job and I find a really cool tech job in the campus library maintainting all the computers. The guys tells me he has two spots open so I excitedly tell my roomite to apply too becasue were both into computers. We both get interviews, but on the day of my interview, my professor decides hes gonna hold us a bit late in class. Once I find I cant make the appointment I email the Library boss and ask if we could reschedule and he says its no big deal and thanks for letting him know, and to just let him know when class ends so I can meet with him. The interview goes well and I go home happy thinking I land the job. After a week or two of not hearing back from him I email him just making sure everything is on the up and up. He tells me that I didn’t get the job and instead he gave the postition I wanted to my roomate and that if I’m gonna be late I should’ve rescheduled. I reminded him of his email to me about not worrying about it and he said that doesn’t matter. Fuck, fine. I cry. I cry a bit about it but whatever.  My birthday comes around, my friends up here help me celebarete but most of my family refuse to say anything for fear of starting shit with my mom. happy 18th Christian! Every month until I signed out of state custody this social worker would come up to the school and talk to me and ask a bunch of random questions. “do you think about hurting yourself?, DO you think your mother would hurt your brothers?” etc... Druring all this my mom goes back to the hospital, apparently its with her heart. I go visist a few times and from talking to the doctors about her history, we (the doctors and I) become fairly certian its because of all the meds. The school things sucks but w/e I keep going.

 Spring starts, my mom is back in the hospital, and apparently she had gotten married. (Suprise!!!) although its not a real legal marraige, it was just something she told everyone. for whatever reason. She had been kicked out of the family friends house and had moved in with this missionary couple. Who she’s still with and I guess i’ve just stopped caring. Carissa and I broke up, but it was wholy my fault. I cheated on her more than once. I don’t know what I was looking for I guess. 

 We were all gonna get a house but I found out that I cannot keep my job at school over the summer and that it more than likely will be filled by the time fall rolls around. I *think* I can make the house thing work but i’ll be miserable getting to watch everoyne else head off to class and whatever.