#or when they dont want fail a class

[bloodstaineddeer]

anyone else constantly feel like there glass between them and rest of the world and like they're not allowed to join in

[rambrandt-the-painter]

i hate reading and im checking mariam webster to figure out how to use punctuation marks but im still writing weirdly artful furry porn.

never give up on your dreams!!!!

[bitegore]

so what if instead of doing all this shit i just killed myself lmfao

[unsettlingcreature]

Some people talking about the story for the new overwatch tank are so insufferable. Congratulations for saying you wouldn't fall for the military's promises of a better life when you were young and desperate, because you're so much smarter and morally upright than this fictional character. Did you have to learn that yourself or did it come pre-installed at birth?

[zouisalmightie]

parent said they aren’t going to spank their kids and then decided to just let them do whatever they want. like there are so many ways to help guide your child thru life why do yall think it’s either beat the kid or just let them run wild???

[angels--twice--descending]

guys I have just been killing it these last few months! /sarcasm

[cosmicredcadet]

Y'all listen just because you learned something in school doesn't mean everyone else did. idk how y'all got this idea in ur heads that we all learned the same shit when literal book bans are happening in schools across the united states and certain subjects are being banned from ever being talked about. (do not even get me started on the fact different countries have different curriculum too) Like you cannot say "You guys obviously just didn't pay attention in school and are stupid because we all learned this" like you are ignoring like 50 other options as to why people may not have learned this ranging from poorly funded school to disabled kid getting shoved into special ed classes which are often notorious for mistreating their disabled students. I'm begging you all to understand the nuance of why certain skills and abilities aren't as widely spread as you assume they should be.

[amygdalae]

Tempted to go into my midterm and just mask up cuz I'm having some cold symptoms but no fever. Plus im a lil tired but not crazy fatigued

However I don't want to expose any1 to my sick, I really don't think it's covid cuz I had it in July but I also don't think that's something I should be risking

My prof has expressed before that he's very careful and understanding especially where sickness is concerned (some of our previous classes have been via zoom to minimize covid risk) so maybe if I email him I'll get to retake the midterm some other day? But I don't want to risk not being able to cuz I really wanna pass this class...

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

"im basically hyperfixated on *thing*" people when i tell them that a hyperfixation is infact NOT just liking something alot

[sl8bqqa8]

There's a lot going on right now and I thought that if I could sort out my thoughts I'd be able to tackle them one at time but it's just so. Hgngngggggggggggggg. You know? The hgngngngbfbfbg... warning for vent post below

My family is a mess and they remind me of that every day with their constant fighting. I can't go anywhere with my mother and sister without things getting ugly. Then afterwards I have to listen to my sister wish death upon my mother when she needs someone to confide in. And as much as I appreciate her trust/love for me as an older sister and confidant, it just really takes a toll on me when I'm forced to come to the same realisation, daily, that I will never have a normal family. Not even a slightly happy one. And that we were never like that to begin with. A big pattern of the advice my school counselor gives me can be summarised as "fall back on your support system in times of need," but I don't really have a support system. I don't even feel like I'm deserving of one if I'm being honest. Because I've been just as cold to both of them in the past, and it wasn't right, no matter how jaded they made me. But the longing for better days is still the most suffocating emotion I've ever felt. Lately I've been crying every night, reflecting on how it used to feel like we actually loved each other— And I cry maybe once a year so it feels especially pathetic to do so. I just wish I could fix us. It's the one thing I thought I would have no matter what, but every day I'm reminded that what's most important to me is gone forever. If our life together was my "everything" and it's all falling apart now, I feel like I don't have control over anything anymore. It really is the end of the world.

And in looking for support elsewhere, I realised I don't actually have many friends. Even though I'm deeply indebted to the two that I have, and love them dearly, there's still one "friend" that's been nothing but awful since we first met. I clung to them as a particularly naive, socially awkward middle schooler with no friends and a shitty family situation (and therefore a poor understanding of what relationships should look like). But now that I'm older I want a friend that I can actually mature with; And said "friend" hasn't changed since 8th grade. I feel like the entire basis of this friendship is me entertaining the whims of someone who still acts 14 with no intention to change any time soon. And I want to break it off with them, but they often use threats of suicide for lesser offenses. And as much as it sucks, and as much as being with them makes me miserable, I really don't want them to die. I truly wish the best for them and want to imagine that they'll be able to find healing even if I'm gone. But truth be told, along with their mental struggles they're also a deeply vindictive asshat and take any criticism to be an insensitive witch hunt. And I really don't want to feel responsible for someone's death over my personal boundaries, much less be on the receiving end of eternal harrassment and tarnishing of my name to their associates— So I tolerate them. Our relationship is half formed and insubstantial and piss poor but I can't bring myself to break it off, and they'd keep me bound to them in chains and handcuffs if they could anyway. So what's the point in trying to leave.

On top of that I'm horrible in school and I have yet to find a job. It's community college so its not super expensive, but I've already wasted my parents money by flunking out of two classes, and if I don't pass this current class (67% as of now) I'll flunk out and waste that money too, plus I'll be barred from going to this campus entirely (as per the school's regulations). I feel like a failure. A dysfunctional waste of money and space that doesn't deserve the air I breathe, because I can't do something as simple as passing my classes and getting a job. I just sit around being a useless sack of shit of an eyesore. People look at me and all they see is wasted potential. I can tell, and I don't necessarily disagree.

I'm also not medicated, though I have a feeling being on something would help me solve at least one of my problems. I'm stuck coping with alcohol and the occasional energy drink but that's about it. It makes me feel like shit everyday, and sometimes I wish I never learned how to make mead in the first place, but I don't even care anymore. I don't feel deserving of wellness and anything that helps me get by is a godsend, anyway. Diagnosis, therapy, and medication are expensive with our new shitty insurance plan. The gallon of alcohol I can make in a month is much cheaper in the short term. It just isn't worth the trouble.

And even though it's the ADHD tripping up my life the most (the potential autism can stay tho it's honestly a vibe) that pretty-much-confirmed StPD is also fucking me over. But who even cares at this point. Losing touch with reality feels like the least of my worries when reality is already this cruel. If anything it's almost helpful, at least when I'm not basically being sent to the Torture Nexus.

And as a result of all this mess in my life my room is a fucking mess. I don't like being in it. The trash piles up and nothing is where it should be. I want to redecorate my room to make it enjoyable but I'm beyond unreceptive to feeling happy at this point. Every night before I fall asleep I sit in my bed wishing I could just go home. But then I remember that this is my home and it makes me wanna vomit. It's all such a mess now.

[the-gayest-show]

RRAAAAAAAA

researching north korean censorship is so FUNNNN WHY OH WHYYYY DID I CHOOSE THIS FOR AN ASSIGNMENT WHERE IM FORCED TO BOIL IT DOWNNNNNN

THERES ONE BILLION TONNES OF INFO MY BRAIN IS EATING UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER AND YALL WONT BELIEVE IT

SO MUCH INFO OUT THERE LIKE HOLY SHIT. CAN YALL BELIEVE THAT NORTH KOREA STILL THINKS IT'S DEAD POLITICIANS ARE "ETERNAL PRESIDENT" OR SOMETHING??? THERE'S A WHOLE YT CHANNEL THAT JUST HAS ARCHIVES OF DAILY NEWSCASTS. AND ENGLISH SUBTITLED. AND I LEARNED ABOUT THE INTRANET (not to be confused with internet) IUFSFHIERUHGFSYFYGR AND THEN THERE'S THE PHONES AND TABLETS WITH SPECIAL SOFTWARES THE GOVERNMENT USES TO SPY ON PEOPLE AND HAVE THEM INSTAL PREAPPROVED APPS AND THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE DEAL WITH THE IDOLAZATION OF THE KIM FAMILY AND KIM JONG UN AND NRGIRDIGSHBFR

saw a documentary that's literally only praising bro. like nothing negative god forbid, but they do shit talk america and shit.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM BLESSED WITH THE RESEARCH AND MEDIA SPECIAL INTEREST AUTISM BUT I CAN'T STOP RESEARCHINGGGGGG

been watching yt vids all the time and doing deep dives and i found an article going in depth about ullim which is a stupid device that acts mostly like north korean phones in how they take pictures of every app you open and only let you have preapproved apps and only lets you open files from either your devie and the government and no one else

depicted below is my mind coping with how i cant yap about only one section of the presentation in length

[stephaniedola]

what i should be focused on: school

what i want to be focused on: working out, art, gay sex

[luciality]

i miss being hikineet life was less miserable then.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[djungleskogs]

im kinda jealous of how involved american colleges are. like your professors actually take a personal interest in you? my tutors all barely remember peoples names and most of them don’t even try. you have mandatory classes? i went to 1 class out of 13 for one of my units this semester because i couldn’t make myself go. you are failing or need extra credits? the professor can choose to give you some. maybe it’s just my uni but they do NOT give extra credit no matter what. we don’t even get supplementary assessments so if you do badly you’re just fucked. extensions go through the uni itself and not the teaching staff. you have multiple classes per subject a week? ok maybe not all colleges but i feel like if i had more than one to go to i would show up more and would also get to actually know the people in my degree. i am four years into this and i have like. 2 friends who study law and we aren’t even in the same stage of the degree. one of my old unit coordinators was american and she had such a culture shock coming to my uni because of how detached it is. she tried to structure the unit in a way that encouraged students to actually show up to class and get to know people in the classes and she had to change it because it went against uni policy.

[earlyspringtranscendence]

btw i think one of the most impt hobbies in the world is having a mostly non-existent, mostly self indulgent crush on a professor/lecturer just to zone out to their classes to and focus instead on their hair and their hands and their dark circles speaking NAWT from experience. maybe a little bit.