#other than my executive dysfunction?

[monty-glasses-roxy]

What if I took the Roxy song 'Better' by NightCove_theFox and recontextualised it to Ruin stuff

[skywalker42]

What people think ADHD is:

So I went to my room to grab sticky notes to leave my roommate a reminder on the dryer but then I saw my week old mug on my nightstand so I went to put it away and then when I was in the kitchen I realized there's no room for it in the cabinet and now I'm measuring the wall for shelving units.

Which, yeah, it is that. It's definitely that. But it's also this series of texts I sent to my friend this morning:

[whump-queen]

begging someone to hold a gun to my head so my brain will finally make me do my dishes, laundry, vacuuming, job applications, emails, messages,, just to get anything done at all without constantly wanting to die

[nametakensff]

Little AuDHD complaint under the readmore (skip over if you can't be bothered with the negativity because even I can't be bothered with my own feelings right now)

I've been struggling a bit this week - likely PMS which has now become a late period - but my friend is coming down this weekend. Originally we had plans for her to come down Friday but that moved to Saturday for reasons beyond her control. I've been thinking about it all week and trying my best to get the house organised and all that but it's been hard to even look after myself. Like I can't concentrate at all either so I'm just having a hard time being a functioning human. I've failed to get half as many things done as I planned but I really tried.

I was supposed to pick her up at like 11am at the train station but now she's said that another friend will be around at that time so she'll just meet me at 1pm at the location we planned to meet up with our mutual friend. And I know to most people this is totally reasonable, like why wouldn't you try and see as many friends as possible when you're not often in the area?

But it always just makes me feel like I'm just an option when this kind of thing happens? Like I'm an interchangeable friend or a box to be ticked rather than THE reason she's coming to visit. I matter so little that a last-minute spontaneous meeting with someone else takes priority.

It also messed with my plans and one thing I really struggle with is spontaneous changes in plans. I can't force people to comply with this because I'd just feel selfish but it completely throws me off, especially when I'm in this state where everything is so hard for me to keep together.

Idk man it's probably worsened by rejection sensitivity dysphoria - scratch that, it's TOTALLY worsened by that. I'm incredibly sensitive and I have to keep it in check constantly.

Even if I rationalise the situation and know there was no intent to hurt me and ofc my friend cares for me, it doesn't change the initial 'oh...' feeling of my heart sinking a little bit. Which makes me feel pathetic which makes me feel insane which makes me feel even worse about myself even though I shouldn't beat myself up over my neurological disabilities.

Just another joyful day of feeling shame when people hurt me because the hurt I feel is unintentional on their part and people don't think the way I do. Rationality only goes so far. I still feel like a very sad individual right now.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Hiii, i wanted to know if you'd be okay with a Poll design that's mostly human (like moree human than dragon) because i may have some design ideas for Poll that i'll maybe draw idk!

YES YES YES YES YES I WILL C R Y IF YOU GIVE ME FANART OF MY EGG (/positive)

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Today was absolutely lovely, I forgot how peaceful it is to actually engage in my hobbies and special interests; just sit around, watching old cartoons. Felt calm and happy and managed to be more focused after. Felt sleepy at night like I've had a full day. This is nice. I need to keep doing this.

Also, mama cooked quince with cinnamon and it's so cozy warm, it reminds me of apple pie. Tasty...

I was sad earlier, because I hadn't gotten to go out of the house all vacation (since it relies on others also being in the mood to go out, otherwise, I won't be able to go...), except once to a nearby park for the swings, and it's nearly over already, but it's okay, if I can have peaceful days like this, and just relearn to actually unwind, so I won't be perpetually burnt-out or too overwhelmed to focus.

[causticsunshine]

wanted to share the sentiment here too but didn't feel like rewriting the whole thing lmao so here are some Thoughts i had last night on twt regarding my weird relationship with my art whilst being in fandom:

i know i've definitely talked about this kind of thing in the past but it's been a very recent development that i actually understand what's been going on with me and why i've picked up this habit of letting a fandom i'm in / a piece of media i'm really into fully dictate my creative drive. like, just because i'm very interested or invested in something, it doesn't mean i necessarily feel inspired by it or inspired by it for the duration that it holds my interest, and forcing myself to create relative art or fic or what have you for the vested interest(s) has both dampened my desire to be creative as well as my imagination. i know a lot of people can be super into something or a few random things at once and that can keep them going for ages without them running out of ideas, but in my case, things that hold my interest aren't always synonymous with my creativity and i'm just now learning that despite how obvious it seems!

i also imagine i'm not the only person who functions like this but i personally haven't seen it spoken about very often (if it even needs to idk), so i wanted to bring it up / talk about it a little bit :)

[disasterhimbo]

Why is being alive so much work

[royalberryriku]

It's so exhausting having things different about your body or brain that just makes this whole *gestures at literally everything in society* thing undoable. It's frustrating to just do anything and then realised there's mountains I need to cross before I can do things others do and expect me to do as well and so effortlessly. But it just takes so much effort to do that and when it's over, the mental exhaustion just makes it even harder the next time you need to do a thing.

[first-blight]

tag game time! tagged by @shadowcursedballs (thank you!) to use this picrew (click here)

woe, rhidian be upon ye! without their neck tattoos and neck scar, but close enough :] i decided to have a little fun and do a beginning vs middle comparison (hair and clothes for end didn't quite satisfy me, unfortunately)

tagging @emeraldgroves @strixhaven @meowstarion @opaleyedprince @spiderslyre and whoever sees and wants to do it!!! <3

[fredthedemonpartner]

Is it perhaps slightly dramatic to compare the experience of executive dysfunction to the experience of being in a saw trap? Probably. But it’s also the best metaphor I can think of for the intensity by which my brain does not want to do certain things. Writing an email? Every word is a fishhook I need to remove from my skin in order to get out before the timer goes off, and brother that camera is gonna have to circle a couple times before I’m liable to start pulling. Sobbing and screaming but I’m literally just trying to answer a prompt that’s unintuitive and overly detailed about something I physically cannot care less about. Like I want to be done with it all more than anything but my brain is convinced I will not make it out of this with all of my fingers intact.

[toytulini]

keep tricking myself into thinking that if i just have a little more caffeine itll unlock the ability to read and retain shit, or focus on difficult and scary tasks, and then being like, shocked pikachu when it Doesnt, Again

[thethingything]

I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

[cassarson]

Do any of y'all have adhd and bipolar or know of any good accounts of what having both is like? I've noticed that I've been having some seriously abnormal moods recently, and the more I look into it, the more I think that it looks a lot like bipolar, but I'm not sure how it would interact with my adhd, or even if there's anything other than my adhd going on at all. Feel free to DM me if you don't want to talk about it publicly

[hinadori-chan]

low key wanna like

set up a queue for posts i like that don’t circulate anymore so that way the recirculate but also i don’t spam but like

i don’t think i’ve ever used a queue before tbh lol

[l-cereta]

in a bad mood for multiple unrelated reasons :thumbsup: