#otherwise they dont take up much space in my brain

[scover-va]

What is your favorite ship in The Hex? UwU

Man it changes so damn often i dont even know. But ChanSado is an og ship of mine so maaaaybe that? Tho others in the rotating wheel of faves are Bryce/Like 4 of the guys (Rust, FPP, Lazarus, and Irving), Reggie/Jeremiah, and Ducks & Lions

[hools]

Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)

hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!

Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.

even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.

and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.

& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?

but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3

[hsinnii]

suggestions and advice on how to remember and memorize characters? it's the part I'm finding the most difficult

i struggle w this too rn bc of the pace my professor has been going at. if you dont have a practice workbook i def recommend those bc they show the stroke order and just give space for you to write repetitively. otherwise just try and write sentences using the characters/words you know or generally practice writing/reading as much as possible.

i like skritter a lot for practicing characters or learning new vocabulary related to things im actually interested in and would talk about in real life rather than a lot of the stuff ill learn in class.

because of the lack of alphabet a lot of people (me included) tend to rely heavily on pinyin but since ive started learning zhuyin i’ve definitely felt it helps. not having romanization means i have to actually try and cant just fall back and give up like i would if something was shown only in characters + pinyin.

i specifically like using my ipad or an external monitor when im studying characters so i can blow up the characters and look at them like an image rather than a letter (im learning traditional these little things have so many strokes i like to make sure i can see/recognize all of them) then also i feel like it stays better as a visual in my brain.

im still taking elementary level mandarin so realistically i dont know all that much, only what ive been trying and what works for me if anyone else has tips pls feel free to reply

[hanasnx]

i've loved the whole starlet reader little bits and bobs recently. she's my babygirl, i have posters of her up on my walls and her playboy cover under my bed <33

i know the au! is hayden-based, but my brain circled around anakin for this one. 

in my mind the prequels take place in what would be our 1940s or 1950s as the ogs reflected closer the political context of the 60s. 

which lends itself for a golden-age starlet reader, and i wanted to share a thought! ITS SO LONG IM SO SORRY  ;;

-🥩

with a war raging on, people need some sort of distraction as to not go insane with the politics and bloodshed of it all - an escapism the entertainment industry is more than happy to provide. anything you could possibly want to escape your own life for a little while, they have. 

i like to imagine each clone legion has has their own taste when it comes down to their poison of choice - the 302th are very into the thrillers of an acclaimed silver fox actor. the 127th favour comedies regardless of whoever stars in them.

the 501st claimed starlet!reader as their girl. that's quite literally how she's known in the clones barracks, "the 501st's girl".

the legion is very familiar with their girl and her filmography. even though not all of her repertoire is romance, that's the one genre they indulge in the most.  

in the two hours they get to spend with her, they get to live the romance of a lifetime they may never get to experience otherwise. she's their forbidden lover, their wife, their temptress.

their girl, really.

she's special to them, even if in a parasocial way. it's a tragic thought to think how many of them passed with a picture of her on the windshield of their ship. 

maybe that's why anakin agreed to watch a holo-film of hers with the 401st. it's important to them, so it's important to him. a little bonding time. 

he just didn't expect to become so quickly enraptured with you, too - not in the same way his clone comrades are, their girl is the vessel for their fantasies. to anakin? you're his fantasy. 

i doubt he cares much for your movies, i think he prefers your interviews and commercials.  he has a few favorite frames he comes back to often. 

he lingers on them more than he should - a parasocial relationship *hardly* counts as an attachment anyways. 

considering how most holo-projections are 3D, i'm sure he's already familiar with your form, from head to toes. 

but no projection can compare to seeing the real thing for the first time - you were actually real? he couldn't wrap his head around that idea. 

i mean, you looked real when you arrived in a pretty little white-blue outfit, accompanied by palpatine, (who ofc organized the whole thing). you were all smiles and waves, clearly trying to make contact with as many eyes as you could before you went onstage.  

you sounded real when you yelped and giggled when you almost tripped on the slippery stairs when you were headed center to deliver a small speech to your boys (as you so lovingly called them). 

but what really almost sold him on the fact that you were real, was feeling you. physically you were meters away, but with his connection to the force? you were almost breathing down his neck with how close he felt your force presence. the very essence of what makes you, you. 

you were singing your heart out up there -  oblivious to how you intoxicated almost all of anakin's senses by simply existing in the same space as him. 

he just really needed to confirm you tasted real, to be completly sold on your existence as something beyond a hallucination of his haunted mind. 

WHAT THE FUCK

look i dont like long inbox msgs bcos its rly difficult for me to focus on them and all that etc etc whatever whatever but this.. this i loved reading. i want more of it. i want to hear more about the 501st's girl and how ppl joke about it "oh hows your lil girlfriend??" as if shes the collective gf of this division sldfj. i wonder how anakin gets closer, do you feel drawn to him too? if so, is it cos hes pretty or is it a magical thing? are the 501st jealous or playfully jealous over anakins success in bagging you??

my cheeks slowly heated up the entire time i read it i rly enjoyed it omg

[the-banana-0verlord]

Answer some or all I wanna know more about you 👁️👁️

Do you have freckles? 

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? 

What was the last song you listened to? 

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? 

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Do you prefer drawing or writing? 

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? 

What’s your favorite band/artist? 

When is your birthday? 

How tall are you? 

What color are your eyes? 

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? 

Fears? 

What’s your favorite color? 

What’s your favorite season? 

Want any tattoos? What of? 

Want any piercings? Where? 

Who is the last person you texted? 

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? 

What/who do you miss? 

How was your day today? 

How much sleep did you get last night? 

Do you believe in aliens? 

When was the last time you cried? Why? 

What’s your favorite decade? 

What are some seemingly childish things you like? 

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

How are you, really? 

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? 

What are you looking forward to in the near future? 

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? 

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? 

What’s your favorite flower? 

Do you currently have a squish? 

Do you like your middle name? 

Do you prefer dogs or cats? 

Do you have any phobias? 

Do you stay up late?

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

What’s your favorite cartoon? 

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

Do you have siblings? How many? 

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? 

Is there anyone you would die for? 

What do you need when you’re sad? 

Have you memorized your phone number? 

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

What does your last text say? 

Wild Card. Any question, ask away. 

Alright, ill try lmao

1.no, i dont have freckles!

2. I WISHED i found Coffee and tea good because its so aesthetic but it tastes bad imo

3. I checked my spotify and its girls just wanna have fun by cyndi lauper so i suppose its that

4.i move a lot but i usually end up on my side.

5. I move too much to sleep with a lot of them because they always end up on the floor. Although i do sleep with my malleus plushie.

6. Thats a hard one, because i do both. Though i think of writing as my primary hobby/eventual job, i definitely have more fun drawing(until art Block comes knocking that is)

7.depends on the thickness. Right now i have three eith two being thin and one being medium, but i could sleep with one really thick one.

8. Mitski!!! I love her so much. Otherwise I like mother mother and marina

9.the third of november!

10. 154 cm or 5 feet. No that is not short

11. Blue-grey-kaki. I like to think of them as blue.

12. All my mutuals, all my irls, my mom, my dad, and my little sister

13. Abandonnent, failure, the future in general.

14. Yellow and light blue!

15.fall! Its so pretty

16. Im not sure yet but i can maybe have someday a small tattoo. Im not a fan of qhoel body tattoos for myself.

17. Well my ears a pierced but im not gonna get more.

18. My two irls! Talking about not getting neuvillette in gneshin ;-;(and murder)

19. I dont have a best friend per se, although i do have a closest friend. Weve been friends for at least three years(already? Damn)

20. Honestly i miss my first mutual on here. I hope they come back soon ;-;

21. It just started but its been pretty good up til now!

22. About 9-10 hours?

23. I mean, there is bound to be other forms of life in space, just thousands of lightyears away.

24. Monday cause my friend said she didnt think we were friends.

25. Id say 1890 to 1900? Though the living conditions were meh i like the aesthetic

26. Generally being silly ig? I suppose i act childihs as a comic relief.

27. Currently my favorite book(s) is the Truly Devious series by Maureen Johnson! It's been clawing it's way into my brain.

28. I'm actually doing quite fine. I'm a bit stressed since i'm going to boston soon but i can push out the bad thoughts!

29. I usually procrastinate decisions as far as possible. If it's a small one maybe like 2 minutes but if it's bigger ones it'll take longer(with the answer being no a lot)

30. Something i'm dreading but also am excited for is summer! Bye school but hello summer job ;-;

31. My irls and i(can i really call them irls? i met only two of them irl and once or twice. anyways-) are planning a roadtrip after we're all 18(aka in a bit more than 4 years)!

32. Either my friend's (irls+ moots) houses or in paris. I've always wanted to see paris.

33.open, my cats need to be free to walk in and out!

34. sunflowers and roses(i have a list on the meaning of each rose color) daisies are also cute.

35. i...guess? i own a banana shaped stress ball(that is very dirty i dont use it much) but idk if it counts as a squish.

36. yes, almost more than my first name. although my first and second name are kinda in the same name. it's like first name-second name.

37.cats!!! I have two(named chicken nugget and nebraska)(my family also owns dogs but oh well)

38. I'm a bit scared of heights but i wouldn't say i have a phobia

39. i usually go to sleep at 10:30 pm on weekdays, and 11:00-11:00 on weekends(when i don't have to wake up early due to sunday class)

40.Although i haven't been to a real beach a lot, i like it! And i always prefer sunny days so sun it is(to experience sunset on a beach... must be the dream)

41. I'd say the owl house! It's so colorful with two of my main kins.

42. @xen-blank @thehollowwriter @quartztwst @boopshoops @saionjeans (so sorry for the tag non-moots! Also i would've included all my moots but it said five ;-;)

43. Yes, i have five siblings! One oldest sister, two older brother, a little brother and the baby of the family, my little sister. i have middle child syndrome.

44. Either my mom or my little sister. I hug and say i love you to them very often. Or i said it to malleus last. One of them.

45. Tbh i have no idea in which circomstances i would die for something. maybe if i could trade my life with someone's close to me. or for peace on earth idk.

46. a big ol hug from my malleus plushie. it's a real emotional support.

47. no i have not. or maybe i did. i will probably forget it soon.

48. my two parents absolutely.

49."I wish to expérience it someday" (speaking of old lady gossip)

50. can i send you the same questions? :3

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 37. brb x oc

a/n: as someone who loves writing angst, my brain is confused by this amount of fluff...BUT I DONT MIND IT AT ALL

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff FLUFFFFFFFFF, Bradley being supportive, slightly suggestive content (they are naked but nothing happens which is amazing considering everything )

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 

@lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale 

-

The first week without Bradley was a bit hard, even if he woke her up with morning kisses and breakfast for the two of them, she missed his presence inside the apartment. Which was so silly, she didn’t want to be the clingy type of girlfriend who couldn’t handle being apart from her boyfriend for too long, plus she’s been without him for two months before. She could handle a few hours.

On the bright side, her ankle was already showing progress albeit small. She still couldn’t put weight on it but it wasn’t pulsating with pain every second she moved to adjust herself either on the bed or on the couch. Jolene also got used to it quite quickly, almost as if this was already her apartment before.

Beatrice did try to distract herself the best she could, with Netflix or video games but that wasn’t working. That’s when she grabbed her drawing supplies from her suitcase and started doodling on the couch. She just allowed her creativity to go wild, she had no plans in mind really.

Since she couldn’t sit cross legged she lied on her stomach to draw while she was on his bed with Netflix running in the background. She made sure to open her drawing book wide open so no pencil shavings or anything of the sort would land on his sheets. Sometimes she’d send Rooster a text when she knew it was his lunchtime, she didn’t want to bother him otherwise, just to let him know she was fine and what she was doing.

He always responded quickly, mentioning that the best part of his day was when she talked to him. Beatrice blushed so hard when she saw it she thought his bed would catch on fire, covering her face with both hands and squealing into her palms like a teenager in love. 

She told him he just wanted to make her blush and he replied with a ‘absolutely ;)’ like the smooth man he was. Beatrice’s smiles never faltered even when he was away, which helped in dealing with his absence before he returned to his apartment.

Speaking of his apartment, she had this very odd fear of messing his things up with her own stuff. Even if he said there was no problem, she didn’t want to take too much of his space, she didn’t want to bother him about it. While he did give her a drawer and a side of the closet for her to use, which smelled so good by the way, she tried to keep her things apart from his so he wouldn’t grab anything by mistake.

Just for safety, she thought, just so his things will remain in their usual spots. While opening his closet to grab one of her jackets since she got cold, she couldn’t help but run her eyes over his shirts. Several Hawaiian shirts, so many she lost count halfway, but she couldn’t help the smile on her face as she thumbed through them, nor could she help herself when she brought the fabric to her nose.

She was violently reminded of the time she smelled the pillow he sat against on the first time he visited, how guilty she felt and how she thought that’d be the only time she’d be able to smell his cologne. If only she knew.

She hummed happily, closing her eyes with the colorful fabric up her nose and a smile on her lips. Every single one of his shirts smelled like his cologne and fabric softener, with the cologne being the most predominant smell of all, much to her joy. 

With a sigh she let the shirts drop back into the closet and shut the door, blushing severely while keeping her grin. She however looked back at his desk where her phone currently was, a loud ping calling her attention.

She wondered if it was Evelyn giving her more information on the Karen woman and the Kappa team, since the woman came in growling and acting like a lunatic saying the game was rigged and that her daughter’s team should’ve won. She wished she was there to see it, because Evelyn obliterated that woman without even raising her voice and when the woman tried to act all high and mighty, Evelyn’s father stepped in and told her to back off.

Evelyn said that it was the first time she wasn’t mad her father intervened in her affairs…interestingly enough, after Beatrice asked if she went out with Hangman Evelyn stopped responding. Maybe that’s her finally replying to her question! Beatrice winced while making her way over to the desk, then hopped back to Bradley’s bed to check her phone.

“Hey! I don’t think you know me but I was the photographer for your aunt Martha’s wedding? When I sent her the pictures she told me to separate a few and send it to you! That’s how I found your Instagram, do you have an email account I can send them to?”

Beatrice blinks while reading the message, then shakes her head as she types back a positive response and the email, thanking the woman and making a mental note of thanking her aunt too. The email arrived within seconds and Beatrice scooted closer to the headboard so she could stretch her legs and get comfortable while opening the pictures.

She let out a soft gasp when the pictures loaded for her to see, there were only three of them but it was enough for her to feel her heart vibrating with happiness. Indeed they were only pictures of her and Bradley at the times they didn’t even know there was a camera there. The first picture was when she walked out of the bridesmaid chairs and greeted Brad out of the chairs, her flower crown in her hand and his own pulling out a tiny leaf out of her skin.

The second one was after he just played the piano to his heart’s content and she had leaped towards him as soon as he was done, with him picking her up and the two looking at each other like there was no one else around them.

The final picture was of the two dancing, more specifically of Beatrice laughing and Bradley holding her by the waist as Signed,Sealed,Delivered played in the background, his mouth smiling while kissing her cheek. She didn’t know if her aunt asked the photographer to take the pictures because they all seemed like…they were the main focus instead of the whole ceremony. She was sure there were pictures of her aunt and uncle together, but these look very specific.

Beatrice bit her lower lip, flipping through the images over and over again, her cheeks hurting from smiling so much. Now looking from an outside view, it was so clear to see how much happier she looked and how much Bradley looked at her with pure fondness in his eyes.

Beatrice slid down further on the bed, holding the phone close to her face as she looked back at the dancing picture. The focus was on them, everything and everyone else was blurry, the fairy lights above their heads made them look like they were glowing and they looked so happy to be there.

It also came to her attention that…they had no pictures of them together. Which wasn’t something she considered until now, she didn’t really feel like it was a bad thing? They were having too much fun together to bother taking pictures…unless Brad wanted to. But he’d tell her, right? He would, he’s very open and honest about their relationship. Would he be upset if she..shared this with others?

She should check.

She knew he was still on break, so she had to be quick before he was back to work.

Bea (13:35)

Roos!I need to ask you something! It’s really quick, I promise.

Roos (13:35)

Of course gorgeous, what is it? There’s nothing wrong right?

Bea (13:37)

No,no, I’m fine. It’s just the photographer at my aunt’s wedding took some pictures of us and…I wanted to show them to you and ask if it’s okay if I posted it? On IG i mean.

img.1 img.2 img.3

She chews on her lower lip nervously as she waits for him to reply, she knows he’d seen it because the gray bubble popped up then disappeared as soon as she sent them. What if he’s not ready? It could happen right? 

Roos (13:40)

You don’t even have to ask me! Of course you can! God, you look so good all the time it’s unfair. I saved the pictures on my phone too :) so we can both post it.

Bea (13:40)

Really? 

Roos (13:43)

Angel, baby, sweetest girl on this planet, yes of course. I also have a new phone wallpaper ;) that I can look wherever I miss you and remember how gorgeous you are.

Bea (13:43)

!!! You are a sweet talker…but I’m glad to hear that :3 I’ll leave you to it now, okay? I just wanted to make sure.

Roos (13:44)

It’s okay babe, you know I don’t mind hearing from you. I’ll see you later okay? I love you.

Bea (13:44)

I love you too! See you later!

She sighs, dropping the phone to her chest as she smiles in relief. She shouldn’t be as excited as she was about posting some pictures, right? But it wasn’t just the pictures, it was…them, their relationship, their time together that she cherished so much and now she could share it to the whole world to see.

Biting her lower lip again, she wasted no time in opening Instagram and posting the pictures and tagging him of course. She wondered what sort of caption would work, typing and erasing several times before finally writing ‘A very fun time, with the right person <3’ and blushing hard as she posted them.

She couldn’t help but look at the pictures, then at the caption and just smile so hard her cheeks hurt. It was real, it was so real she couldn’t even believe it. It was like now it hit her that the two were together, they loved each other and that she could have a man like Rooster in her life.

Beatrice squealed against her palms, tapping her good foot on the bed excitedly like Thumper from Bambi, giggling to herself. This was like a real life rom com and she was the main character and honestly she was very okay with that.

It doesn’t take long for people to comment and like the picture, her smile only broadening when she’s notified about a picture she was tagged into as well. Immediately she opens it to check and she almost melts into the mattress at the caption he wrote

‘That smile could put the sun to shame. <3’

She immediately covered her face with the pillow and screamed in delight, her face burning so much she could feel the warmth seeping through the stuffing. Beatrice felt her eyes watering and she couldn’t help the tears of joy that came out of her eyes, wetting the white pillow cover. 

Beatrice sniffled quietly when she pulled the pillow away, wiping her eyes with her knuckles and a teary smile, laughing shakily at herself, “It’s so silly, why am I crying?” she asks herself, trying to contain her tears of joy without much success Jolene rushes into the room with her sock monkey, looking at her owner with wide brown eyes and her ears up, agitated from hearing Beatrice’s soft sniffles.

“Jojo, it’s okay,” the brunette tries to tell the pittie, who just pushes her sock monkey onto the bed with her snout and holds herself upright with her front paws, whining quietly “It’s okay baby,I’m okay.” Beatrice pushes herself to a sitting position, cupping Jolene’s big head with her palms, pressing her nose to the pink snout, “I’m very happy, you know? I am so happy.”

Jolene licks Beatrice’s face,wiping some tears away in the process with her tail wagging vigorously, her back legs tip tapping on the bedroom floor as Beatrice chuckled, kissing the dog’s head after wiping her face the best she could, “Now let me get out of bed so I can wash my face, you slobbery machine.” she says lovingly, giving Jolene her sock monkey back and patting the pittie’s butt so she could move out of the way.

While she is in the bathroom washing her face, she hears the constant notification sounds coming from her phone in the back pocket of her sweat pants. She wipes her face and pulls out her phone to check who else commented on it, furrowing her eyebrows and tilting her head at a strange name that showed up on the list of likes, a mix of numbers and letters…she shrugs, it was probably a bot, it had no picture and no bio so she just reported and blocked it to be done with.

But she stared down at the screen for a while longer, frowning at the blocked account’s page, something…was off but she couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was that made her so confused. She printed the screen for safety and then sent it to the girls' group chat, maybe it was someone else’s account they didn’t know of.

Maybe someone from college? Who knows, it’s hard to figure people out nowadays.

Hopefully not from High School, dear God, she hoped no one from back then followed her now. The last thing she heard about her high school was how her class representative wanted to make a ten years old reunion but was still organizing everything and that was months ago, ever since then it was radio silence.

It took her many years to work through the trauma of her time in school and while it was still within the backs of her mind, it’s not like it controlled her like it did before.  And while it’s been over ten years she didn’t really have a connection with anyone from her school, not like she had with the girls from college and so on, she didn’t have a reason to go back there and see everyone.

Beatrice decides she spent enough time in his bedroom and grabs her drawing supplies to go to the living room. She tries to hop and limp her way over, which works quite well, before settling herself on the couch with a sigh after grabbing her gel ice pack from the kitchen. She couldn’t lie, her body was clearly missing it’s usual workout activities, especially her morning yoga - which it’s surprising Bradley never saw her do - and her dance classes. 

It’s strange to not do that for a whole week, nor get ready to work…which she really missed. She missed going to the Hard Deck and seeing everyone. She wondered if Rooster didn’t miss it either, after all he did go there even before he met her. She hoped…she wasn’t holding him back from having fun with his friends because of her sprained ankle, she didn’t want him to hold himself back from going out.

She’d ask him when he came back.

-

“Babe!” he calls as soon as he enters his apartment, already toeing out his boots  “I’m back and I brought take out!” He looks around the living room to see Jolene lying on his couch chewing her sock monkey but no Beatrice in sight.

He frowns, reaching down to greet Jolene with a pet then dropping the take out on his kitchen table before he goes check his bedroom, seeing that Beatrice is so focused on doing something in her drawing book she probably hadn’t heard him. Her back is to the door, so Rooster bites his lower lip with a smile, slowly walking behind her and crawling onto the bed, his head hovering above her shoulder to check what she was drawing.

It looked like a picture of a deer in the middle of the forest, she was still coloring it, but it already looks beautiful. “Hey.” he calls on her ear softly, making Beatrice yelp in surprise and fall back on his chest with her eyes wide when he wraps his arms around her waist. He couldn’t help but laugh at her startled self, kissing her cheek apologetically, “I’m sorry baby, you didn’t answer me when I got in so I got worried. I couldn’t help myself.”

Beatrice narrows her eyes playfully at him, but then she smiles, tilting her head to kiss his lips, “I forgive you.” she says sweetly, pecking him one last time, “Because you are cute.”

“I like that reason.” he coos, moving from behind her to sit right next to her on the edge of the bed, smiling when he noticed how her feet still hovered a few centimeters above the floor unlike his. “How’s your ankle?”

She hums, lifting the bandaged ankle a bit higher, “It’s doing better, I can limp a bit. So that’s always good.” she puts her drawing supplies aside so her lap is free of anything that could fall to the ground, her hands squeezed between her thighs, “How was your day?”

Rooster chuckles, leaning back on his hands as he sighs, “Fine, the usual.” he gives her a shrug “But I brought us take out.”

“Really?”

“From the Indian place you like so much,” he grins, enjoying her gleeful gasp “So I think we should get ready to eat because I am starving.” he pushes himself off the bed, fixing the black tee on his body before turning to Beatrice, “C’mere.”

“Don’t you think I should try and walk to the kitchen–” he picks her up before she could finish the sentence, hugging his neck and laughing as he carries her bridal style.

“No.” he chuckles, carrying her all the way to the kitchen and sitting her down on a chair, kissing the top of her head, “I would be a terrible boyfriend if I allowed that.” he says, opening his cabinets to grab plates as Beatrice pulled out the take out from the plastic bags, putting everything in the center before he sat down.

She ran her eyes over the black tee he wore with admiration, fighting back her little smile when he fixed the sleeve over his left bicep since it rolled up when he moved. She bit her lower lip with a smile before he could notice it, moving her gaze back to her plate as she opened the styrofoam containers for the two of them. “Ohh, Roos, these look so good.”

“I know, I stayed in line for a while to get it.” he says, cracking the soda cans open, “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Consider me pleasantly surprised.” 

“Well, I wanted to treat you.” he says, making her arch her eyebrow in question, “You know, just a dinner between the two of us.”

Beatrice leans on her palm with a little smile, “I don’t mind, I really like it.” she made another mental note to repay him in some way as soon as she got better. 

After Rooster turned on his playlist they finally started having dinner, chatting about nothing and everything at all, much like they always did. He said that when he posted the picture on Instagram he could hear Nat’s scream from his office and he was bombarded with texts from both her and Halo. Beatrice chuckles at his exasperated look when he said that Nat ‘hugged him so hard she probably popped his spine’ while rubbing his back to prove a point.

She had seen Halo and Nat’s comments on her picture and both sounded just as excited as Rooster said they’d be. She didn’t mind it, the other pilots’ comments were so sweet and supportive she couldn’t help but smile whenever she read them. She felt very welcome in this world she had no experience with.

Of course she worked at the Hard Deck and she knew some of the Navy personnel, but she wasn’t part of that whole universe before. She sometimes feared she was boring or lame compared to the others, one more reason why she feared getting closer to Rooster before…if she thought enough she could make a whole list as to why she felt so nervous about talking to him.

Was she glad he didn’t seem to mind? Yes, absolutely. Nevermind if sometimes she still got those feelings, but she never mentioned it to him. She’d rather not to, that’s something she got to work within herself, especially now that they were…well, official official. Something about sharing your relationship to the world really did something to her.

After dinner and after taking Jolene outside to go potty, Rooster said he was going to take a bath. Beatrice just smiled and nodded from the couch, watching him pull his black tee off, following the line of muscle ripple when he moved with interest.

He paused, then looked back over his shoulder, “I said I’m going to have a bath, babe.”

Beatrice smiled more, “I know babe, you just said that.”

“...okay let me rephrase that.” he balls the shirt in one hand, “We are going to have a bath together, right now.” 

“...Roos, what about the doctor's orders?”

“I’m not saying anything will happen.” he shrugs innocently, then groans, tossing his head back, “Bea, babe, my sweet angel, it’s just so we can spend time together, I haven’t touched you in…so long..” he says, 

 “Brad, you literally sleep behind me, touching my butt.”

“It’s not the same thing,plus soaking your ankle is helping it heal even faster.”

Considering his self restraint these past days, and it was a lot of self restraint, she considered his words with a tilt of her head. He also had a point on the soaking part, it was helping her ankle,”....well…okay.” She knew he was going to carry her to the bathroom so she didn’t even bother standing up, chuckling when he picked up bridal style and rushed to his bathroom.

Setting her on his counter as the bathtub filled, pouring some bath salts along the way as well, he turned back to check on her ankle “How’s it?” he asks while lifting and snapping the velcro open.

“Not bad, it hurts a little but it’s much less than before.” the swelling also went down a bit more, the redness of the bruise was now fading into her skin color instead. “I’ll be okay.” she smiles.

“Course you will,” he replies, cupping her chin to press a kiss to her lips, “You are strong as hell, you’ll get back in no time…now!” he shuts off the water when the bathtub is filled and there’s steam surrounding the two “It’s bathtime.”

She assures him she doesn’t need help undressing, but rolls her eyes when he does it anyway, telling her to lean on him if she needs to. He tells her to step in first because it’d definitely help her, not because he wanted to watch her ass as she turned around, “Roos,” she says softly, making him snap his gaze up as she holds his hand to get inside.

“Sorry, babe.” he isn’t sorry at all. “Give me some space, okay?”

Beatrice blinks, but pushes herself forward once she sits inside the bathtub, the warm water covering  up her shoulders, fluttering her eyes closed as she relaxes humming quietly to herself. She hears him move behind her, the quiet ‘ah that’s hot’ coming out of his mouth as the water splashes around them, his legs sliding on either side of her torso as he sits down behind her. “Okay, c’mere.”

She looks over her shoulder with her eyes squinted, the water reaches his chest and the middle of his biceps, the little smile on his face making her heart soar, “Where do I go, exactly?”

Rooster blinks, looking down at himself, “Well, here,” he says, pointing to his chest “You know, you lean back and relax?”  she squints her eyes even more, not believing him, “I can wash you.”

“Uh-huh and there are no ulterior motives, right?”

“Nope.”

“None?”

“Not a single one.” he says, but he drops his eyes down the expanse of her back for a second, “Promise.” Beatrice purses her lips with a smile but moves backward so her back presses against his chest, sighing softly. He grins, dropping his lips to the top of her head while his arms wrap around her shoulders, “Comfortable?”

“So far.” she says with her eyes closed, bringing her good knee up so it peeks from under the water. The warmth was working on her ankle, her eyebrows crinkled at a dull throb but it was much better than during the first times she did this, the inside of his thigh touching the outside of hers, “Are you?”

“I am very comfortable.” he says softly, brushing her hair to the side so he could press his lips on the slope of her shoulder, smiling against her skin, “See? Isn’t this nice?”

Beatrice smiles, opening her eyes to look back at him, “It is.” she whispers, “It’s very nice.” she was surprised at how he was controlling himself, just genuinely keeping her close so they’d relax. His playlist was still going, Private Eyes by Hall & Oates echoing through his apartment, Rooster humming along quietly behind her as he held her close, his legs coming up from under the water just like hers. 

She then purses her lips after a while, “Roos,” he pulls her closer to his chest, making a sound of interest, “...can I ask you something?” he mutters an ‘always’ against the skin of her neck, “Did you want to go to the Hard Deck?” Rooster stops his kissing to pull his head up, furrowing his eyebrows, “I mean…with the others?”

Bradley gives her a confused look with a smile on his lips, “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I’m not holding you from meeting them, right? Because I know you guys always meet at the Hard Deck after work.” she murmurs, “And, you guys are friends and if you want to go out and meet them that’s fine by me! Really! And I–”

He holds up a hand, dripping with water and shakes his head, “Okay, let’s pause for a second.” she lowers her eyebrows while looking up at him, “You aren’t preventing anything, Bea. I want to be here with you. They all understand why I’m not going…plus,” he smiles, cupping her chin to tilt her head up and kiss the tip of her nose, “It’s just not the same without you there.”

Beatrice’s cheeks turn red, but she’s still frowning, “I just don’t want to prevent you from meeting them all.”

“Bea,I see them almost every day.” he says with a shrug, “Plus if I ever dared to step on the bar without you I’m sure Penny would kick me out so I could stay here.” he smiles, tucking a strand of wet hair behind her ear, “I want to be here, babe. That’s why I suggested you stay.”

The brunette looks away diminutively, a smile slowly forming over her lips as she takes in his words. “I’m sorry, that was pretty dumb of me to think.”

“It wasn’t dumb,” he tells her quickly, “You aren’t dumb, you just worry.” Bradley leans back on the tub so she could lie even more against his chest, drawing random patterns on the wet skin of her upper back, “Okay?”

Beatrice flushes even more, pressing her cheek to his wet chest with her smile widening, “...okay.” she says, leaning up to kiss his lips, chuckling when he tries to deepen it, his hands sliding down towards her waist “Brad,” she lifts her sprained ankle for his eyes to see “Remember?”

He huffs, dropping his forehead on her shoulder only to sigh loudly, “Right, gotta heal up first.” she giggles, watching him grab one of the body washes she brought from home, glaring at the label in a way it made her laugh even more. “Let me distract myself before I just forget how to act.”

[ren-the-horny]

This post is less immediately horny and more about the emotions associated with a kink of mine, petplay. If you just want horny, continue on. Otherwise, below the cut.

I'm having one of those days where I just don't feel good about myself. And bc of some of my traumas, most of my self esteem comes from doing things for other people and being physically with people I care about. Unfortunately my boyfriend is too far away for us to just chill together for a little bit (and he's not into petplay really, which is fine and i don't need him to indulge that side of things bc he doesnt want to and I dont want to make him feel like he has to) and my only irl friend is unavailable today (which is also fine, just bc we're friends doesnt mean she has to constantly be available to me).

But when i get days like this, where the only way for me to fix my brain is for me to be Good Puppy and do things for my loved ones but there are no loved ones available, it makes the drop a whole lot worse. Especially because the only physical things I have to put myself into puppy space are collars, but they're not very effective considering I also wear collars and chokers as every day accessories bc of my alt style.

And there's only so much I can do for myself when my options are limited to a collar and reading or watching other puppy subs' fantasies or experiences. Like, I haven't been able to make myself get out of bed beyond getting my birth control this morning. I've been awake for a little over four hours but I haven't eaten or drank anything and I just can't find the right motivation to go do stuff.

And like, I feel like it could be easier if I had someone here, calling me their puppy, telling me to take care of myself, rewarding me for doing a good job. Like I just have this strong feeling that even if I didn't do anything, having someone pet my hair while I kneel next to them would make me feel so much better.

For me, petplay and being a puppy sub isn't a strictly sexual thing. It's just as much about having someone who loves and cares about me to the point of labeling me as theirs and making sure I'm taken care of and happy. And yeah, there's ways to do that without making it petplay, obviously. But when the only dynamic you saw that level of care in growing up and even still is in the way a dog is cared for by their owner, it gets really hard to separate the two.

I want a nice set of puppy ears and someone to treat me like their own little pup.

(maybe send me a lil tip for a set of ears?)

[abyssmalice]

(thonk update bc lmao i am Feeling a thing and it is likely Sticking)

(ok so my activity has been on a decline recently and while that is partly bc my brain is squirreling around another game and cant be bothered to think of anything else - the other part is, i feel, definitely my irl situation

i dont discuss it much bc just thinking about it for a second is kinda lowkey stressful lmao - but tl;dr im a foreign worker in my current country of residence and my immigration status will expire within this year, in a couple of months.

i am currently running my brain around trying to find a way to extend or change my status to stay in the country longer, ideally permanently but lmao everyone who knows will know that's not an easy feat without a ton of money and capital so yeah, im. dealing with that i guess.

while thats happening, it's definitely harder for me to get my brain in-character and to focus on writing replies. like oh sure, ill definitely have fun thinking of scenarios and plots, and i do like watching the nonsense on my dash - but actually participating and putting in effort is ummmmm. more energy.

all of which is to say - this isn't exactly a hiatus announcement, because i do intend to be lurking around on here still, and if i have the energy + brain space at a given time, ill likely be commenting and responding to things. but my activity is definitely taking a massive nosedive in terms of replies and general engagement until i feel like things will be more stable for me for the foreseeable future lol

so if i feel up to it, i will definitely work on my drafts/asks occasionally - but i wont be starting anything new for the time being; if you have a thread with me, you're totally welcome to ask it to be dropped or to discuss its progression/completion more informally in dms if you'd like to continue it but don't want to wait on me for proper replies.

if you have my discord, you're absolutely welcome to chat with me with there for anything - tumblr dms are fine too, otherwise.

thankies for the understanding lol owo)

[yandere-monoma]

WHOOO KYM 2 COMMENTARY while i stall on working on kym 7

lots to discuss about a chapter literally called 'the exposition' hjgkfsg. if you didnt know, the way ao3 multichap updates works is that you dont necessarily have to title a oneshot chapter but the second you update it, you really get shown the option to title your chapters. so it didnt actually occur to me that i needed names for each one until chapter 2. i believe originally i was going to use a similar system as kyd where every chapter title was a command a la homestuck. however, i wasn't really utilizing the commands in the same way, i didn't really end the previous chapter with one and the plan for the next chapter... technically involves a command but not one i wanted to spoil via the chapter title.

the current naming system came into existence probably 3/4s of the way or more into writing this chapter, once i made the realization that the fic was, in fact, going to be at least five chapters. at this point in time, the plan was the following: the introduction, the exposition, the climax, the ending, the epilogue. this changed even more as time went on and more chapter ideas rudely crammed themselves into my brain, though it helped the structure a lot, because giving me time to fill out the space between exposition and climax made my brain happy HJSKFG

so, moving on, the fun part about chap 2 is that it really establishes the 'narration' as its own living function, something that is vaguely independent of the story rather than just a tool to present the story with, that both voices the author's and the character's thoughts depending on who is grabbing for control. this isn't an aspect i planned when outlining the fic but it's definitely influenced by 1) how much fun i had reading the epilogues and subsequent epilogue flavored fics 2) my desire to find some way to one-up the first chapter despite the topic matter not being nearly as extreme 3) the impulse to add in another experimental element to the story, especially now that the more abstract and poetic style of the first chapter was being removed

it's also incredibly fun to play with, because every time i struggled with describing something or wondered how i could transition from one point to the other, i realized - oh! i can just make the narrator state that very thing. don't know how i'm gonna build up from the end of chap 1 to the narrative goal of chap 2 (rose's mkultra moment)??? let's just get that all out in the open, then! problem SOLVED

it ended up being a hugely fun choice that allowed me to inject some humor into what's otherwise just a big ole pile o' unrelenting angst. it also helped me take myself less seriously, which lent me even more creative freedom than usual, like. GOD. it really helped turn this piece into something so rewarding, it overwhelms me. goddamnit homestuck why do you have to be so good

i just rewatched butterfly effect recently, god. back to the future i've never seen though. time references haha get it cuz his aspect is still time-

speaking of time, this chapter was the first attempt to really try and describe a zeta kid's classpect without coming out and stating it. there's a few interpretations of different phenomena's in homestuck that point out the implication of classpect powers being active before reaching god tier, or even before entering the game (though, usually in a way that is incredibly weak, premature and subtle enough to be missed by the user). one of the strongest examples that i based this chapter on was something the epilogues described: the idea that rose's obsessive writing as a child was based on her light powers feeding her vague visions of her future character arcs and plotlines. i really loved that and wanted a similar sort of plight for dave. i'll go off about what his specific title is at the end of this chapter but it's really fun poking at it now and then

the multiple narrators? seriously??? bit was me realizing i had to add a Multiple Narrators tag on ao3 after this. at this point of writing, i had no idea if i would be visiting anyone else's pov besides dave's, though.

attempt at homestuckian humor GO

™️ jokes are so funny to me for no reason

wink wink hint hint this is one of dave's powers at work, actually!! so, dave egbert actually has a perfect memory. like, there is not a single thing he's ever forgotten in his life, if he's experienced it, he can recollect that knowledge. this power also extends to the imaginary, the subconscious, and the supernatural, ie: in the event that dave experiences any visions of the future, he will retain that information. likewise, he has memories of every dream and nightmare he's ever had. which is fun because considering he's a dersite and also a time player and also dave, he has a lot of them HAHA. more on that later

The two of you had hit it off instantly despite this, like you had known each other your entire lives, like any and every other relationship that had come before it had merely been a warm-up for the monumental connection that would spark instantly between you both. ... You’re pretty convinced she’s your soulmate. If not that, you’re at least assured by the fact that you’re absolutely head over heels in love with her.

sentences i had so much fun writing knowing how badly it's going to mess dave up to learn that they're actually related HA HA

Especially at the start, Rose was mysterious and she was hilarious and she was overwhelming, the brightest thing you’ve ever had the fortune of witnessing. 

get it because she's a hero of light get it she's the light of his life because shes a hero of light get it get it she's mysterious because her class mimics its opposite at the beginning of the story so everything about her pre-canon arc clings to void but she!! is bright! like light haha get i- 💥

see, reading sentences like this means i HAVE to at least write enough of their session to let dave both die and kill for his rose, like

also i need to write her killing and dying for him. well. killing for him. well.

killing.

perhaps just killing him. HAHAHA.

it is very fun to think about this because rose honestly just. does not talk about her relationship with dave much outside of mentioning that they're together. her narrative is so focused on the things that she wants the audience to focus on, so this was such a fun chapter to reveal the things she decided isn't important enough to ever let us in on.

like, she is so adamant that bro is the only important person in her life and the only person she loves, but she deeply cares about dave. she feels the same way, that they're connected in this way she can't pinpoint or name. and claiming him is exactly the right way to put it, because i don't think she knows how to acknowledge those emotions in herself, but she knows that she needs him with her always and wants him entrapped in a way where he can't get away from her.

i think rose is just incredibly attracted to what dave represents: safety, normalcy, the mundane, a reprieve from pain, but there are things about him that she just inherently gets. he's an outsider despite how much he attempts to fit in and i think there's something about that she relates to but also wants so badly to destroy and keep for herself.

also, this is a thing that belongs more in hcs than in kym specifically, especially because i imagine this taking place way earlier in their relationship, but bro absolutely knows about her relationship with dave. it isn't a secret. it's a thing that amuses him greatly. i actually imagine she shares a lot of details about him to bro, like allowing him this voyeuristic entertainment because dave isn't a threat to him, not really, and she shares every single one of her belongings with him.

in a perfectly pornographic world the two of them would spitroast the fuck out of him but this is a partially pornographic world that involves a meaningful plotline or whatever 🙄 smh

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

this part was incredibly hard to write. not because it was difficult or emotionally taxing but because i reached this unfortunate impasse i find myself at every now and then while writing a lot of darkfic where i struggle with... it's not exactly the impulse to project, necessarily, more just.... feeling forced through into inevitability of it? or maybe it's the reluctance to use personal experiences vs the knowledge that doing it can benefit your writing (but also can hamper it).

like, very hard to write about a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies without being reminded of the time when you were a self-destructive teenager with violent tendencies.

that reluctance is born from a rant i'm definitely not gonna get into unprompted but i'll just say that it definitely complicated things HAHAHA. i've definitely gone through a 'i'm going through a psychotic break and i'm going to ramble out 7835963463 crazy things into this dm window because the person on the other side said i could' phase. i've definitely just. been insane and vomited so many words out and ngl for a second there in the final draft when i was feeling too lazy to get into Stream Of Consciousness mode i was very tempted to dig up an old vent post and copypaste those thoughts in for rose but ultimately i thought that was disingenuous and a betrayal of her character SO

a fun but unexpected surprise was rose sounding far more like herself during her drugged moments of honesty. it's especially fun because even in the future when she doesn't have access to any sort of drugs or contact with bro anymore, i don't think she'll sound this much like rose lalonde either. it's like in her desperate search to find more of her brother, she's really just found a core part of herself that she doesn't have access to in this universe

'Is there a mechanical soul within me?' there is and his name is hal hi hal

it is actually incredibly fun playing with typing quirk punctuation. it's actually a style i utilized a lot in chatroom roleplay groups yeaaaaaaaaaars after homestuck ended, very much inspired by tumblr ventblogging typing styles, crytyping and all that. the idea that someone's mental state can and should be reflected in their typing style, which is something you really only see in canon in a character like gamzee (i cant remember if other trolls drop the quirk in times of duress in canon??? i think karkat drops his as a joke about volume sometimes but that's it). i don't even know if it even really comes across as blatantly as it feels when i write it, but it's so fun to see the consistencies in a way a character types slowly but surely fall apart as they grow unstable

so the way this is designed, it's as if rose had a moment of finally being in touch with the core of herself, with what ultimately makes her rose (complete with proper punctuation), before slowly but surely lapsing back into ro-stri as she loses her punctuation piece by piece, and then ultimately devolving even more as she abandons her capitalization to type in a way that's reminiscent of dave but, more importantly, bro's typing quirk

'I think there are lives inside me/the life inside me is his' is so funny to look at in hindsight. this chapter was halfway finished before the pregnancy plot had even come into being, and this was only ever supposed to be a reference to the identity blurring she's experiencing, and this half-truth, half-delusion about being able to sense everything lil cal has injected into her and her brother. it is so STRANGE to reread it now knowing that it's become foreshadowing to her pregnancy, especially with that next sentiment following it:

'Sometimes I wish it was yours'. again, that idea of being soulmates, being connected with someone permanently. and, again, that idea of codependency, and rose being unable to express or understand love without that need to merge herself with the object of her affection. and again this was befORE the pregnancy plot was a thing so now every time i read this line i sit here hoping people dont interpret it as rose wanting dave's baby HGJFKGSGSG i swear im not into breeding i sWEAR

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

DAVE IS SO CUTE I ALWAYS DIE REREADING THAT PART HE'S SO CUUUTE

also i struggle so SO much writing comfort scenes especially dialogue meant to comfort someone but this came out so easily. perhaps because it's a futile attempt and i didn't have to worry about the recipient of that comfort actually feeling soothed...? hmmm!

i have nothing to add to the romantic cannibalism confession besides :3c

i don't actually reread this chapter all that often anymore so finding this paragraph was lovely damn shoutout to this sentence that made me choke on my water as i was reading it cuz i was so distracted by how much i didnt remember writing this that i forgot to swallow and my drink just slid down into my lugnshjskdfg

then it is a series of letters in a language you wonder if she’s made up, that is somehow so cohesive in its chaos that you start to doubt even that. 

more horrorterror references as if the literal last paragraph wasn't enough HAHA

a very fun part of designing and outlining the killswitch au is deciding who gets what plotline. for example, does rose strider get to go grimdark because she's rose? or does jade lalonde get to go grimdark because she's the lalonde with library access to the grimoire? unlike the characterization formula, there isn't an easy answer to this one. i'm mostly just going with what's more fun narratively and what makes a better and more cohesive storyline for the verse.

either way, though, ro-stri still has a connection with the horrorterrors, simply because she's a dersite and because i love a character that is so utterly doomed that every evil force on the face of the planet wants to take a turn on them. what's better than this... getting psychologically gangbanged by every demon in existence...

DID YOU KNOW I AM SO VERY FOND OF DAVE EGBERT AND HIS LOVELY PAPA WHO LOVES HIM SO MUCH

i am also so very fond of a dave egbert who cries alone in front of his computer cuz his girlfriend makes him so very sad every night like poor baby does Not Sleep and its so cute gjkgs

'its just prose' annoys the shit out of me to see because i wrote a similar line in a published piece of writing a couple of years ago so i can't reread this without being reminded of That hgjfkg

i will never write a strider rap i have the highest respect for any author who can but it'll never be me

their dynamic kills me HJKGFGKGS peak toxic romance right here god i wish i could write even more of it... i need to write more daverose so fucking bad....

a fun line because 1) i rly enjoy dave's half-forced half-genuine emotional voyeurism it's just a rly interesting aspect of his personality to write and 2) it's fun to have a moment with dave e's specific brand of humor since it's not as long-winded as a strider's would be

i rly forgot so much of this chapter HGFKGSGS oh dave... i love you... i love writing you so much...

stream-of-consciousness style writing is really fun like you get taken to so many unexpected places in the process. generally when i go SoC style i tend to have a few goals i want to land and this image, dave watching over rose in derse, was one of the big ones

ALSO THE IRONY OF DAVE CALLING HIMSELF HER PRINCE WHEN SHE IS ACTUALLY THE PRINCE OF THE SESSION HEHEHEHEHE

the lil cal staring contest is also another big one. it's just such a fun image to allude to like goddamnit i wish i could draw. it feels like an image that i can't even really describe properly what i want it to mean because it explains itself and there's not much minutia to pry free, it's just. them. rose inexplicably and perpetually being drowned in this cancerous evil at a rate that not even dave strider got to experience.

lmfao shout out to me explaining his memory power earlier forgetting that i explain it in the chapter HJSKFG

oh well NOW I GET TO ACTUALLY DISCUSS HIS CLASSPECT

so dave egbert issssss....

🥁 [drumroll] 🥁

the MAGE OF TIME!!!!

and changing classpects actually did something incredibly interesting to the story. killswitch never would have worked as a simple homestuck rewrite, because i dont think swapping the guardians is something that can ever be simple. so it didnt make sense to keep their classpects exactly the same, because they wouldn't have the same personalities or the same backgrounds to craft those personalities, or the same issues that were born of their uniquely shitty backgrounds. it also didnt feel as easy as making rose a knight of light and dave an heir of time, etc etc. like, while rose is not insecure in the classic way that knights should be (it can be argued that the 'i am my brother' facade can count towards knighthood... but her role in the story and what it will turn into once she joins the game definitely brands her a prince through and through)

through researching for killswitch i ended up coming to this conclusion about sburb and how i approach classpect and hs narratives in general:

and because of that, it was super easy to reassign everyone based on what they've been turned into through the switch in their roles.

it also made for another easy characterization formula: their aspect represents their 'nature' while their class represents their 'nurture'. so all the zeta kids still belong to the same aspect while their class changes rapidly, though how close or how far it is from their original class really depends on their character

anyway, mage of time is an incredibly fun role that actually breaks the rewrite narrative almost more than rose's classpect does. as the mage of time, dave actually steals the cryptic psychic role from jade and john harley (though, i do have thoughts on that matter, because there is still going to be a benefit for them from having access to prospit, and that plotline will still be involved in some capacity... probably).

and it's a very fun, partially accidental discovery within the au that the zeta kids are all... just a tad more prepared to enter sburb than their predecessors. rose is completely aware of the fact that she's training for something specific and dave... dave knows that the game is coming. he doesn't know the specifics, he doesn't know that it's sburb specifically that will bring them all together, but he knows there's an it, he knows the day he'll meet all his friends in person will be a day for the history books, and he knows that rose is in danger and that he'll be able to help her in a way no one else can.

some mage of time thoughts, many of which inspired and/or describe dave egbert's storyline:

source

source

source

the above was probably one of the first interpretations i read and really what solidified him as a mage, my initial thoughts to his classpect and how it interacts with rose's was the following:

and it's just so fun GOD rly hope i get to write in his perspective more in the future

haha yeah if we ever get to it yEAH if i ever get off my ass and actually finish writing this wholeass au which i nEVER WILL CUZ I DONT WANNA WRITE 500K WORDS GODDDD IM NEVER WRITING A HOMESTUCK AU AGAAAAIINNNN

[romanken]

sorry hi if we’re talking about this i need to know what your thoughts on ca: civil war are… (love, a civil war plot hater)

TIME TO DEFEND A MARVEL MOVIE ON MAIN SORRY EVERYONE. Well I think it's the last time any marvel movie presents any sort of interesting conflict- in the mcu man v man is always better than the various monster/alien stuff unless they're done very well, which they are. not- as well as the last time marvel prioritized plot and tension > trying to make the audience laugh. I understand being annoyed with the sokovia accords plot- on some level it IS stupid and pointless and I do think you have to turn part of your brain off while watching bc otherwise both arguments are full of holes, but it's still interesting to me because it's just. So much more self reflective than any other marvel movie I guess? <- guy who loves when fake guys are forced to take responsibility for their actions and it hurts really bad. I'v been #teamcap since day one but both sides have points that are not necessarily right or smart, but introspective enough to make you interested in the argument. It's rare that interpersonal conflict like this has space to breathe in big huge spectacle movies like this so I enjoy it. Sorry for this lapse in judgement everyone. Also I know everyone has made fun of the airport fight for being silly and it IS but I like mcu battles that are goofy fisticuffs + yelling at your buddy while your other buddy puts you in a headlock much more than like. Throwing a car at an alien. Its fun for me. Ok wow that was a lot of words in service of the marvel cinematic universe im gonna have to like scrub bathroom floors with a toothbrush as penance.

Other stuff:

- as much as I hate to admit it the russo brothers know how to direct action and it makes it enjoyable purely on that level; the chase scene w bucky steve and t'challa + the fight after zemo rebrainwashed Bucky + the airport fight (😔 sorry I know) have some great sequences that unfortunately I really like.

- Zemo is a great villain, extremely common daniel brühl slay. The last confrontation with him and t'challa is great

- rip chadwick boseman last good actor in the mcu. He's so fucking good in this like if I was any other person in the cast I would've left the set in shame

- again: last time the jokes are mostly funny and dont overwhelm the emotional impact of the conflict. The bucky and sam bits will ALWAYS get me

- final confrontation. #1: GO BUCKY!!!! I will never not have a ball on this bitch watching that recording... #2: good god I love watching my best friends steve and bucky go sicko mode. GET his ASS. I dont really hate tony but its just fun

- ok. And I know im biased as a stucky 4lyfer. But. #1 your pal your buddy your BUCKY is like burned into my brain. #2 he literally. he literally. he gave up the shield for him!!! he gave up his relationships with half the team for him!!! he gave up his status and power and became an international criminal for him. HE GAVE UP THE SHIELD FOR HIM. Its just an insane movie for stevebucky and I cannot help but admire it for that.

Goobyebye sorry for this. I am allowed one major lapse in judgement per week and this is it

[mizuta]

far from it to be my style to post about hashtag mental health issues on main but like. look. ive& been psychotic as far back as i can tangibly remember (hallucinating at 10-11, cognitive symptoms and episodes by 13-14). its been a part of my life so long that like... in a lot of ways im used to it and coping with symptoms and my life grew around a lot of the symptoms. like a tree trunk growing around a foreign object as a sapling. something that pierces directly through the middle but doesnt really impact the trees ability to stay alive in any meaningful way.

so like in a lot of ways im used to being in my own head. my partner is good at recognizing that things that are distressing to me in episodes dont process whatsoever as distressing to me a good chunk of the time. when im acting visibly distressed it actually means my level of distress is at like, 200%. its fucking unmanageable. if im visibly distressed its worse than anyone could conceptualize because typically otherwise im just numb to a lot of it or its just default my reality that its not distressing in any meaningful way until after the fact.

but like im ngl just because ive spent all of my teenage years upwards trying to take up literally the least space possible to exist and never show 80% of my "unacceptable" symptoms to 99% of people does not mean it makes it any less uncomfortable or awkward to like. be the token psychotic in some groups. to have to be the buzzkill and shit thats like hey sorry heres my hyperspecific request of the year because im fucking insane.

its miserable in a fresh new way of like sorry to have to remind everyone that its not actually a funny character quirk or joke my brain literally does not exist in your 'reality' in any meaningful way and the further outside of it i am on a given day the more unpleasant youre going to find me to be around. ignoring the insane person talking aimlessly in public doesnt actually help me it usually just reinforces that youre not real and never will be if its a bad enough day.

its never intentional. like nobody is ever doing this on purpose. especially again because i spent so much of my life being very good at hiding it. but like... it sucks so much to be masking half the time and be a little too good at it so when you stop being able to people are always levels of uncomfortable or upset. it sucks when you cant articulate anything properly and nobody really knows how to understand what youre asking for. it sucks when you have multiple severe memory conditions and cant trust your own memory and everyone immediately questions your memory when you ask for anything or point anything out. like of course im just going to fucking fold.

i dont know where im going with this or if this itself is even that coherent i know it sounds super vague but it really isnt about anyone specific im just babbling about like years worth of garbage. i got so fucked over by fakeclaiming culture because unfortunately when i started really displaying symptoms i was a teenager trying not to kill himself and being fucking insane loudly in virtual public when that was apparently an "obvious sign of exaggerating" so i had to learn to shut the fuck up and now everybody loves to forget how much im fucking unwell because god forbid you think too hard about what youre saying around others.

thank god for my partner who is literally the first person in my entire life whos ever tried to understand and genuinely knows how to talk to me when im in a particularly bad delusion or hallucinating or whatever.

man. im tired. i found out this last month i probably need to get a cane when i move out and i still feel like im going to be appropriating shit because severe knee and upper leg paint and severe balance problems cant be that bad. i hate having memory problems so bad that i so easily can be told that i dont know shit and Y is actually what happened and i usually cant actually argue against it even if im so sure thats not true.

[brandnewhuman]

Is there any slasher you like and you just don’t understand why you do? For me it’s Billy Lenz and I literally cannot explain why I do

When i tell you i had to squeeze my juicy brain really hard for this

I think it's Jesse??? Like yes, the part where he's upset about his face ecc it's kinda sad but other than that there's literally nothing about his background.

Think about it, everything meaningful we know about Jesse cromeans and his personality is from headcanons and fanfics otherwise he has nothing deep enough to be a complex character to sympathise for.

Throughout the whole movie they give you nothing about him and i think its made with the purpose of just having a bad guy who's really good at it and can really scare instead of having a background that could make him look like a mistreated and misunderstood person.

He has no redeemable qualities, no personality, he never shows mercy and he doesn't have a sad story or a somewhat reason for his killings. He murders people because he enjoys it and even makes profit from it.

Even Michael, who's said to be the most apathetic and heartless slashers, has shown his moments of weakness and softness. He's always portrayed and showed as someone with too much inner turmoil in his head who feels emotions in such an intense but basic way that is almost as if he has his neurogical and emotional responses atrophied by all the trauma ecc (im not going to dive too deep I'm the mikey discourse dw)

Even Asa has something you can use to feel for him and to find him somewhat likeable even after all the bad things he's capable of.

Idk if this is what you meant by liking without any reason but for me everytime i like a slasher is because i can connect with them at some kind of level.

They will always be the monster of the story but never entirely evil you know? Its that idea of knowing they have the ability to be good, that you're never completely bad or completely pure

Jesse is one of those rare villains who is depicted as entirely evil and so that's why i dont really have a reason to like him, i just enjoy him as a character and the rest is done by making up things i want him to be to enjoy it even more.

Its tricky cause you can project on him all you want since he is kind of a blank space but at the same time you know that the truth is more likely to be he just likes to kill people and he's not some tormented man who has decided to take his rage out on everyone else because life has been unfair with him.

For me a slasher that is likeable, as i said before, is someone that doesn't want to be a good person but it still human and can get his good side out once in a while. Thats the whole point of the slasher fanfics, to use those crumbs of backstory and personality to basically gaslight yourself into thinking that you could be so special that you could trigger they're soft side out.

Its the idea of such a monster being capable of love and seeing them suffer and do unspeakable things because of it, experiencing the havoc their pain can cause, watching them fully give in to everything and or just accepting their fate as the unlovable or hated monsters that no one wants so their only option left is to be what everyone makes out of them.

A hero is fun, lovable, easy to like and to forget and even worthy of rooting for to a certain point but will never be as relatable as a bad guy who has been defeated into taking his place as the wrong one and in the end having as their only comfort the terrible actions they can commit since no one expects nothing good from them and even if they do good its always going to seem sketchy or not good enough for the world.

There you go, Jesse is like the hero of the bad guys. He is wicked, easy to hate and to root for his death and even annoying but just to a certain point cause even if he's not relatable or deep nor complex he has some type of charm and leaves space to your imagination to make up something for him

Plus he's a dilf and mr baldy man here is dumb rich too so

[daedalusdavinci]

6, 11, 20

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

yes! so many. i reread fics that i like over and over and over and over. if you take a look at my recs tag, ive probably read every single one of those several times over. but! here are some that ive probably given the most rereads, to the point where i dont always comment anymore bc i think im just spamming the author

OBVIOUSLY lee shore by @jumpingjacktrash makes this list. its the eridave fic of all time. ive read it more times than i can count and even when im on the outs with homestuck i always circle back to it

Crash Standing by @asukaskerian is probably my favorite homestuck fic of all time. point blank period. i reread it over and over and over again and i make all of my friends read it over and over again too. its davesprite/karkat and it the attention it places on platonic side relationships is a crucial part of my enjoyment esp the ds/kanaya dynamic which is so fucking iconic ill never ever get over it. it also just feels like such an honest portrayal of the messiness of being a teenager and i just. i love it a lot

dust devils on the horizon by @akumastrife is a jayroy fic i read so often its embarrassing. do not look at the comments and count how many are me. i dont want to think about it. after a while i just stopped commenting bc it was all me rereading and it was mortifying. its a cowboy au and the soft unbelievably tender moments in this fic are next level. the little ways they touch each other and roys achingly fond yearning kills me every time. when roy rides his horse close enough to jason to tip his chin back with the toe of his boot? it takes up so much space in my brain man. i think about it all the time

otherwise, there are a couple different poisonivory and shenanigans fics that i just read over and over again but this post is long enough

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

kind of and yes. i have a couple Vibes playlists and sometimes if the mood calls for it ill play one of those over and over again to set the mood right (like playing a sad playlist when im writing angst). i will also just loop One song over and over again while i write something. my lvl2 playlist is full of songs like that that i just collected by the end. while i was working on my current jdau wip earlier this week i was looping i think uhh mother nature by the hu? like. triangle, mother nature, and one or two others, i cant remember.

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

ive answered this question a lot i think. hollow americana is still my favorite and the mystery of the old boathouse is up there. but of recent fics i think under the skin is kind of funny just bc of tommys fascination with 2fs scars and his background as a surgeon, and bc of the way they both drive each other nuts. i feel neutral at best about most of the other recent ones a lot of them were major copouts bc the jdau is just too long and im tired

[ventcode]

I just wanna kinda,, ramble, I guess, so many thoughts on my mind, and I never really ramble on purpose (it's mostly an accidental thing..) so.

my shoulder still hurts kinda. it all hurts alot, actually. i don't know why. no matter what i do. ive stopped bringing it up over and over again though. nobody seems to quite listen. some streches, but the pain only subsides for a little bit.

im hungry, but i ate food all day yesterday. seems no matter how much i eat lately, ill still be hungry, and if i dont eat im starving, it makes my stomach feel horrible, the six and kyoko brain mix surely isn't helping.

im listening to my theme, six's theme part II, it's been calming me down, ive been humming along, im just making sure i dont have another panic attack, it surely does help, afterall its calmed me down before, as six. im not surprised it still helps now.

i keep having to change my shirt, it gets uncomfortable too much, its quite annoying, i put on deodorant too but it seems to wear off and it becomes uncomfortable again, maybe i just need to shower tomorrow (today? i don't count it as the next day until i wake up that morning.), that must be the case, im just not clean.

speaking of, its annoying but i seem to always need reminders to do stuff, or i dont take care of myself and do my own thing, with the food thing its gotten better since im always really hungry lately, so the first thing i try to do when i have time is eat food. but with the other stuff of taking care of myself, i seem to neglect it. showering. cleaning my room (i havent done that in MONTHS). drinking water. brushing my teeth. laundry stuff. i always need reminders. but i cant get reminders from my parents. "you're 14, you need to remember this stuff", and if I set a reminder on my phone, I always swipe away the notification and forget about it without fail. it's annoying. i hate that.

I miss my fort from last year, my matress on the ground next to the window, my tv there, just. ofc it neglected the rest of my room but. i miss my own little space there. it was from a calmer time. it had problems like bugs (i found a cockroach crawling on the tv once at night), but otherwise, everything else was okay, i miss just. i miss that, i guess. maybe I should use that tv again, it still works, just not my PS4, the Wii U works though, so, maybe I'll try that.

I think about holding your hand alot, anywhere, I don't really care where it is, but lately I just. have the feeling it'd be nice to just hold your hand, like you're there with me, I've just been holding onto that pillows sleeve more and more, like im holding onto your hand, it keeps the comfort, it helps just a little, I wish it was real, I want to hold your hand. When we meet, I don't think I'll let go of it. ^^"

My dreams have all been,, upsetting as of late, probably because of my anxieties before I go to bed. it sucks, it gets me in a bad mood in the morning, but I'm trying not to lose my hope for atleast a better dream, if dreams reflect subconscious, then I just have to think good things before bed right? I surely try but, I don't know why they all end up bad, I have alot of bad days, but, during the evening, it gets a bit better, and then bad again, I don't know what's really been happening. A horrible nightmare, they're stressing me, but I need to stop thinking too hard on them, if I do, then nothing good is bound to happen.

I think of those bad opinions on me, I'm really no monster, I'm a traumatized 9 year old, a kid, a child, I'm little. I'm surviving in a world that's trying to kill me. I really just wanted to survive, that's all I wanted. sure I ate a nome and I ate the ladys fucking neck and probably did something else Im unaware of in source atm and didn't save those kids in the maw, but, I really am no monster. I swear and promise. I didn't want to be the "hero who saved the kids", I wanted out, to survive, cause I'm a fucking child. I wish everyone knew that. but who'd believe me, if anything, everyone else would think im crazy, that I'm not really six, that im most likely just delusional, and that upsets me. so I can't be honest. that's such a stupid reason but, yk, the anxieties. (fun not so fun fact! during those hunger pangs when i was playing the game and watching you play as well, my stomach felt like SHIT dude. </3)

Speaking of, depending on the ID, I hate referring to myself in 3rd person (unless im speaking in 3p at the time), it just bothers me and I feel separated from myself, and it hurts. with some its fine and others its not. and sometimes I fuck up, so I'll accidentally refer to myself in 1st person with an irl friend and they'll look confused, I mostly just go oops and correct myself but, god does it really hurt, alot. But I don't wanna be honest abt that since it's easier to just refer in 3rd. even I just do it out of habit, but it just gives me a bad feeling, like I'm not me, and the others aren't. the others. I don't know. maybe I just have issues and shit.

idk why but talking about that just reminded me of that time I met a double and got them banned from using tumblr. bro is that mad !!! but srsly I got like so mad in the dream and spam reported them and Tumblr was on my side and banned the account and ANY NEW ACCOUNTS THEY MADE. bro dream me is winning everyday (/lie im having frequent nightmares!! /silly)

it's hard to talk but also extremely easy to talk, the words come out but I don't want them to, like I don't really want to talk to anyone, of course I make my exceptions, if nobody could tell /silly but, idk, it feels meaningless to talk, I'd rather just. do stuff. not talk unless needed, but, when most your friends are online, you kind of need to talk most of the time, or nobody understands what you're saying, even on voice calls, not like I wanna have my camera on at all times (depending on the person), so, it's still useless, I don't exactly know what to do about this, I feel myself talking more and more even though I wanna talk less and less. oops I guess.

me and toaster talked, we're still friends, but we wont contact for awhile, or atleast not every day, i apologized, and so did he, i really do feel bad for acting like an asshole. but everything's okay now, and it'll all be okay.

seems im getting teary eyed writing,, all this, there's so much I'm saying, yet I say I wanna talk less, that's funny, isn't it? I've written so many thoughts down that it's been like 40 minutes at this point, that's funny, how much is really on my mind.

enjoy my thoughts and rambles, I know atleast one person will read this, waving!! sorry I ruined my sleep schedule again, I'll do better.. :')

Goodnight. ♡

[sparatus]

Foreigner’s God and Arsonist’s Lullaby for the hozier asks c:

ohhh those are good ones ty bb

Hozier Song Title Questions

Foreigner's God: Does religion play a role in your narrative? If so, how?

mmmmm this is a really good question and also one of my fav hozier songs love this one

so ik you know this but for the uninitiated i'm a recovering catholic, lots of religious trauma, raised in the faith and had a liiiittle bit of a mental break crisis of faith in 8th grade, blah blah blah one tragic backstory later here i am Totally Coping With It In A Healthy Way

my religious trauma and struggle with faith influenced a lot of my earlier original works, which have been further developed and refined as i got older and more stable - i have an entire universe with my partner where all the stuff we do with angels and demons stems from sympathy for the devil (and projection onto lucifer himself, oops). it's been really cathartic for me and helped me come to terms with my experiences in the roman catholic faith.

for a more specific focus on exdiff: religion in a futuristic scifi setting is endlessly fascinating to me, and i have a lot of characters who toy with it - one of my favorite things to posit is, when encountering deities or the dead/afterlife, are they really that, or are they the character's brain seeing what they think they should be seeing? and how much does it truly matter to them? taeja especially is one of my favorites specifically because of her intensely complicated relationship with her faith, as a victim of religious abuse who has shucked off the organized part of her religion but still holds true to the god she's devoted herself to and the rites and tenets of such, choosing her own path and method of belief rather than what her abusive family and society tried to force her into. in an otherwise very science-heavy setting, it's interesting to me to see how the two can intersect.

Arsonist's Lullaby: What do you do when you get the feeling to tear it all up and start again?

i mean usually for me that urge comes from RSD either not getting enough attention or not getting the kind of attention i want, or just getting stuck in one spot and getting frustrated. usually what i end up doing is just kinda... taking a step back, leaving it alone, going to work on something else that i do enjoy or just not writing for a bit at all and playing video games or whatever (like, say, coming up with like 5 potential new wips when exdiff is fighting me...). if there's a social element, i'll withdraw from that for a little while, only really hang out in spaces that aren't hitting me with the RSD stick, even if that's literally just dms with one or two people. then once i feel like coming back to it, i can go back to it with fresh eyes and decide whether it's actually as bad as i thought it was or if i can salvage it somehow either with editing or figuring out where the block is and what i want to get to instead. the main hard part is really giving myself permission to set it down and do something else, tbh, because i want to keep updating, but sometimes i just.... need to go stab people in the desert a bit, yknow? (note to fbi tom: that was an assassin's creed joke)

and sometimes ill just straight up go fishing for compliments among my friends, i'm not above begging my friends to tell me how great i am when i need the ego boost even if i. dont necessarily admit i need an ego boost lol,,,,,

[gibbearish]

also can i just say fuck facial expressions. like sometimes i dont have to think abt it at all but especially at doctors appointments it takes up so much of my brain space. theyll ask a question and i have to Put On The Thinking Face while im thinking about the answer because otherwise if you dont respond immediately people assume you werent listening or were deliberately ignoring them and get mad at you and its so fucking annoying. imagine how much faster i couldve thought up the answer if 95% of my brain wasnt loudly going "does this read thinking right? maybe scrunch the eyebrows a little bit more? what does mouth do??" the whole time