#our back hurts and Girl i took tylenol earlier .

[euclydya]

girl. the . why can't i sleep.

[hearts-hunger]

sunday morning || frankie morales x reader

Read on AO3 | Masterlist

Summary: You partied a little too hard with the boys last night; lucky for you, you married a man who’s really good at taking care of you while you’re hungover.

Pairings: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Wife!Reader

Genre: Fluff, pure fluff. Big dork energy Frankie.

Word Count: 1.8k (short but sweet)

Warnings: Nothing serious, but just to be safe: mentions of alcohol/getting drunk, hangovers, and related side effects; allusions to PTSD

A/N: Y’all remember that post where I said I thought Frankie would be really good at taking care of you while you’re hungover? Well, I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I wrote a fic about it :) let me know what you think! ♡

“Rise and shine, pretty girl.”

You rolled away from the sound of Frankie’s voice and buried your face in a pillow, unconvinced by even his gravelly drawl that waking would be preferable to sleeping. Your stomach was rocky, your mouth was almost concerningly dry, and there wasn’t a place on your body that didn’t ache like you’d been run over by a truck. You gave an unsociable grunt when he put a warm hand on your arm.

“My poor baby,” he said sincerely, running his hand up and down your arm to soothe you. “That tequila doesn’t agree with you as much the morning after, huh?”

You huffed. “No kidding.”

You’d had the boys over last night for dinner, which had turned into rummaging through the liquor cabinet, which had turned into you and Santi trying to drink each other under the table. You weren’t sure who’d won, but if your headache was any indication, you’d given it the good old college try.

“How are you awake right now?” you asked. If you remembered correctly, Frankie and Ben had polished off the bottle of Jack Daniels while Will had a few beers and watched you all descend into idiocy.

Frankie hummed in agreement. “My body’s conditioned for superior performance.”

You snorted; he gave a pleased chuckle and put his arm around you, pulling you back against his chest.

“Come on and have breakfast, at least,” he said. 

You groaned. “No way. I’m gonna yack.”

He pulled back a little at that, but knowing him, he wasn’t trying to get away from you - he was just getting prepared to haul you to the bathroom. 

“Are you?” he asked. “Or are you just being grumpy?”

“I... haven’t decided.”

He huffed a laugh. “Fine. But you’ll feel better if you eat something, or at least have some water.”

You rolled over to face him and tangled your legs together in the blankets, nosing against his scruffy jaw. He kissed you, chastely, in the exact way of a man trying not to get roped into morning sex with his super-hungover wife.

“Come on,” you said, though you couldn’t decide whether you wanted him to get more passionate or not, given that every movement made you ache like you were eighty years old.

“You just said a second ago you were gonna lose your lunch,” he pointed out.

You buried your face against his chest. “Yeah.”

He rubbed your back, his big hand going slowly over the places he knew you held the most tension. “I’ll make you a deal. You come have something to eat, and I’ll take a shower with you, ok?”

You considered that. “Will you wash my hair for me?”

“Sure,” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

You stayed snuggled up against him for a few more minutes, and he went through his little routine he usually did at night, brushing his fingers through your hair and scratching gently up and down your back while he hummed old 70’s love songs. 

“I’m gonna go get started on breakfast,” he said finally, pressing a kiss to your head and gently disentangling himself from you. “There’s Tylenol and water on the nightstand. And if you’re not out when breakfast is done, I’ll toss you over my shoulder and haul you out there myself.”

“Romantic,” you said wryly.

He grinned down at you. “Yeah. Lucky you.”

You tipped your face up for one more kiss, and he obliged you. He gave your thigh a firm pat before he left.

“I want bacon!” you called.

You could just imagine him rolling his eyes. “Sí, claro, claro.”

You took your time getting out of bed; it was chilly in your small house that rainy morning, and you rummaged around in Frankie’s shirt drawer for that soft, well-worn overshirt you borrowed from time to time. You took the medicine he’d left out for you and made your way to the kitchen - you noticed with a wash of gratitude that he’d tidied up after the mess you all made last night - following the sound of Bob Seger and the smell of breakfast.

Frankie was dancing and singing to himself as he cooked, using his spatula as a microphone to belt out “come back baby, rock ‘n roll never forgets!”. He was truly a horrible dancer, but he was so cute, and he sure did look good in those jeans as he swayed his hips to the beat. You smiled to yourself and enjoyed watching him for a minute before you came up behind him and put your arms around his waist, dancing with him.

“Hey there, mama,” he said, as sensually as someone could with a strip of bacon in their mouth. He turned to face you and fed you the other half of his bacon, still singing about rock ‘n roll.

“You took your medicine?” he asked.

You nodded. “And now I want coffee. Please.”

He grinned. “Demanding little thing, aren’t you?” You let him go so he could dance his way over to the coffee pot; you laughed, and he smiled at you like you’d hung the moon.

When you had your coffee in hand, you tried and failed to boost yourself up on the counter opposite the stove. Well, you didn’t really try so much as envision trying, and you knew you were way too sore for that.

“What’s wrong?” Frankie asked, seeing the disgruntled look on your face.

“I can’t get up on the counter.”

He looked amused. “Do you want some help?” Without waiting for an answer, he picked you up at the waist and sat you on the counter like it was nothing.

“You’re so sexy,” you said dreamily, leaning close for a kiss. He put his hands on the counter on either side of you and stood between your knees, spatula still in one hand, and kissed you like you’d wanted him to earlier.

“Where was all this passion and zest for your wife when we were in bed?” you teased.

He smiled against your mouth. “I was trying to think of some incentive for you to get up and have one of my amazing, world-famous omelets,” he said. “That, and you hadn’t brushed your teeth yet.”

You gave him a playful shove. “Frankie!”

He laughed. “I’m sorry, baby, but I would have gotten drunk on the taste of tequila alone if I kissed you much longer.” He mollified you with several more kisses, and before long, he’d earned your forgiveness.

“How’s your omelet coming?” you asked, a little dazedly.

“Oh, shit!” He swung around with comic speed to rescue the omelet on the stove.

“Crisis averted,” he said, sliding it onto a plate. “But I’ll give you the next one, because this one did get a little toasty.”

When both omelets were made, you stayed up on the counter and he stood beside you while you had breakfast together. You had spent countless Sunday mornings like this before, and you didn’t think you would ever tire of it. You were, thankfully, able to enjoy it despite your hangover; he had been right, earlier, and you were starting to feel better now that you’d eaten and the medicine was starting to kick in.

“You sure do love me, huh?” you asked.

His smile was a little bemused. “Yeah, of course I do.”

You reached out to brush his curls back; he hadn’t put on his ball cap yet, and his hair was still fluffy and a little bit mussed, just like you liked it.

“Thank you for taking good care of me,” you said.

He turned his head and kissed your wrist. “I love you, Mrs. Morales.”

You smiled, feeling the same warmth you did every time he called you that. “I love you too.”

Frankie filled the dishwasher while you got the shower ready, and you went ahead and got in while you waited for him. He laughed when you peeked your head out as he was undressing, covering himself in an endearing bit of modesty.

“Don’t ogle me like that,” he laughed, his cheeks pinking a little.

You grinned. “Fine.” You let him undress in peace. “But I’m ogling you as soon as you get in.”

You didn’t have to wait long, and all of his shyness was gone as he stepped under the warm spray and scrubbed a hand through his hair. Like he always did, he’d kept on the macrame bracelet Santi had given him years ago, and you found it alluring that the little band of string bound tight around his wrist was the only scrap of fabric on him.

“Come here,” he said, soaping his hands up with your shampoo. “Let’s get all those tangles out of your pretty hair.”

You stood in front of him while he washed your hair, closing your eyes and enjoying the feel of his fingers as he worked through the tangles from the night before. He was gentle and dutiful, and you had the thought, as you often did, that you were lucky beyond measure to have someone you could be so vulnerable with who treated you with such care.

He put his hands on either side of your head and kissed you slowly. “You’re so beautiful.”

You opened your eyes to see him watching you with incredible tenderness, and you would have blushed if it hadn’t been so warm in the shower.

“You are too,” you said, meaning it. 

You reached your hand up to trace his features softened with love and peace, so different than they had been when you met. Back then he had still been rough from his last tour, only a few months home after a year serving in some place you still didn’t know the name of. He was as kind then as he was now, but he was hurt and weary and used to the weight of the world on his shoulders. That haunted look had come back for a while after Colombia, but you knew him, and you knew what it looked like when he started to heal.

“I like it when you sing Bob Seger,” you said, your voice a little tight. “And I like it when you dance around our kitchen.”

He smiled with all the warmth and affection in the world. “Don’t worry, pretty girl,” he said, knowing what you meant. “You’ve got a whole lifetime to watch me make a fool of myself trying to dance and carry a tune.”

You leaned into his touch and let him kiss you, following his gentle pull to draw you close to him. 

“I love you, Frankie,” you said. Tucked close to him, held safely in his arms, you felt more at home than you had anywhere else before you met him.

He gave a contented sigh, like every hurt and every care had been lifted from him. “Mi cariño, mi amor,” he said gently, like he always did. “I love you too.”

taglist: @punkgeekchic​, @tv-saved-the-teenage-girl​

let me know if you want to be added to my pedro pascal character taglist!

[spencessmile]

Migraine

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Reader 

Summary - You have a migraine & Spencer wants nothing more than to help you feel better. 

Warnings  - None

Word Count - 1,761 words 

And all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and post it without my consent. 

Feedback and Comments are always welcome. Happy reading! 

Requests are open!

**  

"Babe, are you okay?" You looked at Spencer grabbing your second coffee of the day from the small kitchenette. "You look a little pale." 

You leaned against the counter, taking in the smell of fresh-brewed coffee. "Spence," You put a hand on his arm. "I'm fine." You assured him.

"Morning lovebirds," Morgan called as he walked into the bullpen with his arm around Garcia. Just a few months ago you told you the team that you and Spencer were seeing each other and Derek made it his second job to tease you and Spencer about it. You never bothered you in fact you found it weirdly cute.

"Please tell me there is more coffee because I have donuts!" Emily said, walking in holding two boxes of donuts. 

"Oh!" Spencer cheered, you slightly winced at his voice. "Did you happen to get any-?" 

"Chocolate frosted with sprinkles? How could I forget your favourite?" Emily said, putting the boxes down as everyone dove in the boxes. 

"Good morning!" JJ cheered, holding her go-to bag and her mug of coffee. "Oh, donuts!" She said rushing over. 

"Pretty girl?" Morgan said. "Don't you want any? This sweet honey glazed donut is yelling your name," He motioned towards the box. 

"Nah," You shook your head. "I'm okay." 

"Since when do you refuse donuts? You love donuts," Morgan was right, you had a major sweet tooth and donuts were always your thing. You considered donuts to be your comfort food.

"I know," You said. "For today I'll stick to this protein bar," You said, walking to your desk. You sat down and started on the stack of paperwork. 

Three more cups of coffees and hours later, you felt your head starting to pound, the bright fluorescent lights above you weren't helping at all. You put your head in your hands and closed your eyes. 

You were so tired last night that you and Spencer got into bed as soon as you stepped foot into the apartment but the only problem was while Spencer slept peacefully you couldn't get in a blink of sleep. You kept twisting and turning, sometimes feeling too hot or too cold. 

Now you found yourself rubbing your temples trying to soothe the pain. To the right of you JJ, Emily, Garcia, Morgan, and Spencer were all loudly arguing about the Bermuda triangle. You tried to shut out their voices but every second you tried the louder their voices got louder. 

You couldn't take it anymore so you snapped. "Can you all please shut up, please?!”

The team looked over at you, all of them in shock because you were known to be a very quiet and reserved person, you never raised your voice. 

"Woah," Morgan said. "You could have just asked politely, pretty girl," Morgan laughs. "Someone’s a little snappy this morning," Morgan was referring to something you may have said earlier that came out in the wrong tone of voice. 

You push your chair out slightly and straighten your legs, you put your forehead down on the table, the cold table feeling good. 

You felt someone crouch down beside you but kept your eyes shut. 

"Your not okay, are you?" You heard Spencer say softly. You didn't say anything, your hands were wrapped around your head blocking out the lights and it felt amazing. "I'm going to tell Hotch that we're heading home for the day," You lifted your head to stop Spencer but as soon as the lights were beaming down on you, you winced in pain.

"No," You say. "I'm fine. It's just a small headache." 

Spencer grabbed your hands. "It's not a headache. Y/n, you're having a migraine," You didn't want to admit it but Spencer was right you were having a migraine and it was bad. "How many times have I told you to tell me when you're having migraines?" He asked. "Y/N, migraines aren't a small thing. I know exactly how they feel." 

All your life people always thought you were overacting when you told them how bad your migraines were until you met Spencer and found out he also had them. You were sort of relieved in a way knowing you weren’t alone. You two always took care of each other. 

"I didn't want you to worry." 

"Well, I am worried now because you look like you're in so much pain and I don't like seeing you in pain, you know that." 

"I know," You responded. "I'm sorry." 

"Give me two minutes and I'm gonna go and speak with Hotch." 

"But I have all this paperwork to finish," You motioned to the stack of paperwork on your desk. 

"The paperwork is always going to be there. I'll be right back," With that Spencer left for Hotch's office. 

You stood up and walked towards the group. "I'm sorry for snapping at you guys, I didn't mean to."

"It's alright pretty girl," Morgan assured you.

"Are you not feeling well?" JJ asked. 

"I've never told anybody but Spence this," You breathe. "But ever since I was 10 years old I get really bad migraines. It takes me days to fully recover from them. Today is the first one I've had in months and it's starting to take the best of me." 

"Oh," Garcia said, "You poor thing. We're so sorry for being loud," Garcia hugged you. 

"It's not your fault. You didn't know," You said. 

"Well, some people don't know how to use their indoor voices," Garcia smacked Morgan's shoulder. 

"Ouch baby girl, that was uncalled for." 

"Your loud-ass voice, hurt our baby angel's head," Garcia said. 

Baby angel was a nickname Garcia had for you from the day you started working alongside this team. You don't remember where it came from but you liked it, a lot. 

"I wasn't the only one talking loudly," Morgan argued. 

"Chocolate thunder, we were using our indoor loud voices. You were using your outdoor loud voice." She explains. 

"Alright," Spencer said, walking towards you. "Let's go home," Spencer grabbed the files off of your desk and his and shoved them into his satchel. 

"Okay." 

"I need everyone in the round table in two minutes. We have a case," You turn around hearing Hotch's voice. 

Before you could say anything Spencer moved in front of you. 

"Wrong way beautiful,”  He said, putting his Stachel on. 

"Spence," You said. "We have a case,” You said pointing to Hotch. 

"No," He said. "The team has a case," Everyone laughs at your reaction. "You and I are going home." 

"But I wan-"

"Nope," Spencer shook his head, taking your hand in his and dragging you before you could continue to protest. 

"I just want everyone to know that I'm being taken against my will." You yelled across the room and everyone laughed. "Please be safe! Love you guys." You say as Spencer guides you towards the elevator.  

You squinted at the lights in the elevator. 

"Baby, wear your sunglasses," Spencer said, kissing your hand. 

"It was the worst day to forget them." 

"I always tell you to keep your sunglasses on you Y/N," Spencer said, digging into his satchel and handing you his spare pair. 

"You said you only keep one pair of sunglasses?" You said as you put on his sunglasses. 

"I always keep an extra pair in here for you." 

"You’re the sweetest baby," You said kissing his cheek. 

The car ride was silent because you fell asleep the second you leaned back in your seat. Spencer drove in silence, occasionally looking at you, frowning wondering how much pain you've must have been in the last couple of hours and he didn't know. 

"Y/N," Spencer opened your door and unbuckled your seat belt. 

You groaned in response. "Baby come on, we're home," You mumbled something but Spencer couldn't tell what you said so he wrapped your bag around his shoulder, picked up you in bride style, and closed the car door with his foot. 

When he finally reached the apartment he fiddled with his key, jamming into the lock and getting the door open. He shut it quickly with his foot and headed straight for the bedroom. He gently placed you down, draping the blanket over you. 

He dropped his satchel and your bag to the floor and walked to the kitchen to get you some Tylenol and water. When he walked back in the room he noticed that you were awake. 

"When did we get home?" You asked, rubbing your head. 

"I tried to wake up but you completely ignored me and continued sleeping," You chuckled as Spencer handed you the pill and the glass of water. 

"Well, I'm sorry you felt ignored." You washed the pill down with water. 

"I didn't feel ignored. I was glad you got some shut-eye." You put the glass down. "You didn't sleep last night, did you?" 

"I was so tired but no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't sleep." 

"You should have woken me up." Spencer rubbed your thigh, in a comforting way. 

"\You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you up," Spencer shook his head at you. 

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat? Maybe some che-" 

"I just want you to hold me," You answered, simply.

"You should eat something before you sleep." 

"I'm not hungry." 

"Ba-" 

"Spence please I'm not hungry. Just hold me," You said. 

"Okay," Spencer climbed onto his side of the bed, and you laid your head in his lap, as Spencer pulled the blanket, wrapping it around his legs and you. 

"You're the comfiest pillow ever," You mumbled as you felt your eyes starting to get heavy. 

"I'm glad I bring you comfort," Spencer smiled down at you, running his hand through your hair. 

"Oh my god," You groaned. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. 

"Your fingers are a god-given gift," You said. "Continue, please." 

"So I've been told," Spencer spoke, causing your cheeks to blush as you pushed the blanket further up to your face. "I love you,” He laughed, kissing your temple. 

"I love you too." You mumbled. 

** 

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit - Khalil Gibran

[bebopwhore]

Ballad of The Nightmare: Spike Spiegel x Reader

A/N: hello! This is my first fanfic I’ve ever written or posted and I am so scared! I’m a Spike whore which is why I made this blog. There aren’t enough Spike fanfics/imagines anywhere and it kills me! Shoutout to @ificouldhelpyouforget for having the best Spike writing! If there are any other great ones I’m probably missing please send them my way. Anyway I hope people read and like this, requests are very much welcome:) would love to hear some feedback. I have a part 2 coming if people actually enjoy this!

ps There’s an episode reference and I’m aware Faye wasnt actually in the scene I talk about but it’s just for spice✨

Summary: You’re a part of the bebop crew and after seeing Spike fall from the cathedral window while fighting Vicious, you have a nightmare about the whole ordeal ending way worse than it did and go check on his injured self.

Warnings: a bit of violence, non detailed but mention of wounds, angsty, fluffy, a little language

Vicious was running, running straight toward me with fire in his eyes. He was an animal and there was no stopping him, he was so close to grabbing my black coat trailing behind me. Arms suddenly shove me away from him and I tumble down to the ground. It was an armed green haired figure in his long brown coat. A quick scream came out of my mouth as soon as I realized what he was doing and my voice felt gone. “SPIKE NO” I managed to let out but it was too late, his gun was flung away from him. Vicious had him pinned to the ground ready to shred him to bits with his Katana. I was shooting and shooting from the ground but nothing could stop vicious. His whole body was bulletproof in that moment. In midst of his struggle Spike slowly turned his head to look at me, the katana was against his chest about to go against our wishes. “I love you” he mouthed and I had started sobbing uncontrollably screaming his name for the last time.

Feeling like she was being watched y/n’s body shot up, waking almost immediately as soon as the katana started to cut into the chest of her green haired angel. Burying her head into her hands and knees, her head continued to throb the headache from just a few hours earlier. Images of Spike’s bandaged body from his fall at the cathedral just the night before kept flashing in her mind.

She was very bitter at Faye for leaving him by himself and wouldn’t stop yelling at her once they got on the bebop with Spike and his broken bones. Every time Spike was seriously hurt he would try not to dump his whole weight on to y/n’s side but this round he did. He was nearly lifeless and it scared the shit out of her .

Shivering, she sighed a defeated puff out of her mouth. “stupid good for nothing bitch” she breathed out. She loved Faye like a sister but hated the choices that girl would make sometimes.

I sat up slowly and got out of bed. In just my night tank and shorts I threw on a light jacket and quietly stepped out of my room, closing my door slowly and being mindful of Spike resting on the big yellow couch just a few feet away. I really needed pain relievers but I also really needed to check on him. My heart ached no matter how many times ive seen him in this condition. I worried for him all the time and this nightmare didn’t help. Heading straight to the kitchen first, making sure I made zero noise I took a Tylenol and gulped it down with water and hurried to go be with my sleeping beauty

With the intention of feeding Spike if he woke up I had an orange and a water bottle in hand. I crept slowly out of the kitchen in the dark with nothing but Ed’s monitors being my only source of light. I turn the corner and there he was, bandaged like a mummy, multiple cuts on his cheek. He was snoring very lightly with his lips parted. He looked like an Angel who just fell from the sky. I frowned and sat on the coffee table barely a few inches across from him and stared. Stared into his closed eyes, begging for them to lift up. He was in a deep sleep. I took in the rest of his body and fought so hard not to touch it. I loved seeing his bare chest and collarbones any time I could, even if they were covered in gauze. At the end of his hour long workouts I always made sure I was in the living room so I could see his bare torso and pulsing veins when he headed toward the shower. Hopefully he hadn’t caught on to that. He’d always smile when he’d see me and give me the usual “take a picture itll last longer” comment. He was a flirt and so was I but we never really touched each other. Only when it came to saving the other’s ass.

I recall the time we were in Ganymede and there was a shootout in a restaurant involving this cult rat group of siblings. Jet, Faye, Spike and I were having dinner and spying on our next hit. Out of nowhere bullets started flying everywhere and the four of us booked it under the table. As soon as I got under, Spike pulled my arm into him very quickly and held me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my head to protect it. Soon his whole body consumed me. That was the first time I’ve ever felt so safe in my life. But why didn’t he hold Faye instead? Or at least the both of us? She’s a woman too? I kept thinking afterward. I didn’t ask him in fear of the moment being ruined but you can count on Faye to say what everyone’s thinking. Spike ignored her and Faye ignored the both of us the rest of that day.

I didn’t realize I was smirking til my attention was brought back to Spike’s injuries. Blood was seeping through the bandages of his left arm, I gently grazed his wrist and opened his arm up to rest on my thighs. Carefully grabbing the emergency kit left next to me I began to wrap it up some more as it wasn’t time yet to change the bandages completely. Being very gentle I studied his face for movement, but nothing. I loved tending to him, all I wanted to do was take care of him. I softly place his arm back where it was and a breath of relief washed over me for not waking him. He’d probably think I was a weirdo if he found me here right in front of him rustling my fingertips gently through his hair. Although he did like it when I would do that whenever he’d fall asleep in random places on the Bebop and I had to wake him up to go to bed. I giggled softly at the memories and missed his voice and soft demeanor towards me.

“I miss you” I whispered, my finger tips still playing with his dark curls

I noticed my legs trembling out of lack of sleep. I shamelessly really wanted a smoke. Hesitant to leave him and without even thinking I kissed his forehead and snuck into his room and stole one cigarette. His scent consumed me the second I stepped in and I wanted nothing more than to stay in there.

I walked out and promised myself as soon as morning came i’ll fly out to Mars and get him a few more packs. I never owned any which is the funny part, Spike would always just give me his when he’d know I needed one.

I walked into the dark control center and peered out into the universe and lit the cancerous thing. I turned away from the windows and lounged on top of Jet’s shogi table. Feeling my back giving out, I laid down grimacing at the slight soreness my back pleaded. Feeling an empty void in my chest I mentally begged for Spike’s precense there with me. My eyes started to water.My biggest fear was him ending up dead before I told him how I felt about him.

I sat up as the tears started streaming faster and dabbed them away with my sleeve and I proceeded to consume myself in nicotine once again. I looked to my right and peered at Spike’s punching bag. Wanting nothing more than to be sitting here watching him release his anger on it when he would do so.

A knock came from the doorway

Oh shit

[sif-the-tsunami]

Ropes and Roses part 4

Summary: Elizabeth Rosehill is a talented dance instructor and a force of nature that beguiles her famous student. Events in her life, however, have led her to search for more creative ways for her to keep herself afloat. What will she do to keep her dreams secure and what will it mean for her blossoming relationship. This is a very adult story about two people who are moderately terrible at adulting.

Warning: Fem! Dom/ Fem! Sub, Bisexual shenanigans, anal play, squirting, BDSM, crying, two people who are literal disasters trying to figure things out, Mentions of cheating, exhibitionism

Word count: 3300 and some change. This update is THICC

A/N: If you read it and like it, it would mean a lot to me if you could say something nice!

The next morning, Elizabeth woke up to the snuffling and snorting of one very bear like dog. He also might have stuck his cold nose right in her face a couple times. The room was unfamiliar, it took her a few moments to put together the pieces of the night before. Henry had put her in the soft flannel shirt he was wearing yesterday, but she didn’t remember that happening. The water and Tylenol were consumed, she looked around the room for a moment.  Her boots from the night before were sitting near the bedside table, placed together. Her dress and other personal affects were sitting on the empty space on the other side of the bed. The air was chilly but her bed was welcoming and warm. She didn’t think that this was his bedroom. Soon Kal was running back and forth between the bedroom and somewhere out in the living room.

Two soft knocks on the open door drew her attention the big man in the frame. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Her normally luscious voice sounded small.

“How did you sleep?”

“Well enough I suppose. Thank you for the water bottle. How did you sleep?”

“I slept well.” He watched her scoot over a little in the bed, and pat the warm spot she had vacated for him.

“Lizzie, I don’t know. I...”

“It’s okay.” She tucked the blanket back up to her neck. “It is just cold and I wanted to talk to you about last night.”

“We don’t have to, we were drunk and having a good time. Two friends having a very… friendly… you know, make out session. Is there anything to talk about it?” He cringed just thinking about it. What the hell, Henry? He thought to himself.

“What? Oh, I guess not, is there.” Her voice cracked, she coughed to clear it. “Um, if you don’t mind giving me a moment, I guess I’ll just get dressed, and let you get back to your day.”

Henry closed the door to give her some privacy and swore under his breath. Kal whined at the door. He look up at his dad then put his nose right and the door again. He pawed at it a couple times, then very dejectedly laid down. A few moments later, she emerged, everything thrown back together, hair in a sloppy bun. She kept her eyes down and handed the flannel shirt to him.  

“Elizabeth, wait, I didn’t mean it like that.” She looked at him for a moment, all of the joy he worked so hard to bring her last night, that beautifully contented smile she had when she saw him this morning, was gone.

“I’m sure you didn’t, it’s fine.” And with that she left.

****

Later in the afternoon, Kal was resting his head on Henry’s lap when the pup let out a long low whine. He put his book down, “I know mate, I messed up. Do you think I should text her?”

Kal started wagging his tail. “I really should have cuddled with her this morning. Okay, Henry, we can do this, you like her a lot. She clearly liked you until you fucking blew it this morning. 

I’m a fucking idiot and I’m sorry

I hurt you and I would give anything to take that back. You said you didn’t know what you can give me, but I know what I am capable and wanting to give you.

I want to take you on a real date. Would you be be interested in joining me for dinner this Friday?

A couple hours later Elizabeth responded with Thank you for apologizing. I already have something going on Friday evening, I could make time for lunch, if not, I don’t have a free night until the following Thursday after my last class.

“I don’t think she has forgiven me,” Henry was then doing his dishes, Kal laying down in front of the refrigerator. “But she did say yes!”

Kal wagged his head and picked his head up.

Lunch works! What time would you like me to pick you up? He hammered out all of the details with the one he longed for. He sat down to eat an early dinner when Henry heard his phone vibrate again. It was Jeremy.

Hey, Jillian told me about you and your girl going out last night. I need to show you something, it’s important. Get cleaned up and ready to go, I’ll be there in an hour. Dress like you give a fuck.

His friend’s husband was not someone that weighs on other people’s choices, he honestly had mostly been indifferent to Henry and Jillian’s entire friendship, enough so that the text in itself caught him off guard. He showered quickly, put on a black suit with a light gray button up.

“Kal, be a good lad. Hopefully daddy isn’t over dressed.”

Jeremy said little on the way to their destination. It made his passenger a little anxious. They soon were in a dark district of the city, when businesses close for the day it usually was deserted. One dark building front had two men standing in front of it, and a flickering Edison style light bulb. Jeremy gave the man who approached their car a shiny black card, the logo read The Fox Catcher. Soon the doors were opened for them and one of the men outside was valet parking the car. Inside a large gentleman was standing there. He looked like he could crush the skull of anyone who would dare to start trouble.

In a deep Nordic baritone he said “Gentlemen, please grab a mask. The show will begin soon.”

After they had put on ill fitting masks that covered half of their faces, Henry and Jeremy were sat down at a small cocktail table by a woman with impossibly red hair hair that came down to her waist. She wore a tight black leather dress and knee high boots that made her pale skin look like porcelain.  The room was lit dimly enough that he had a hard time seeing the other people but the heat and buzz in the room let him know they were not alone.

Henry tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. Jeremy looked like he was seething with resentment and hostility. They were sitting close to where the performance would be taking place. Henry tugged nervously at his shirt collar.

“Why are we here?”

“You’ll see...” was all Jeremy said.

The light from above the stage clicked on revealed some wooden furniture. A platinum blonde was then lead out onto the stage by what Henry realized was a leash attached to nipple clamps. The man who brought her out was wearing a black mask and dark clothes attached the arms of the blonde woman to a large wooden X in the middle of the stage with her back to the audience. She was only wearing a black thong, but hers was the only face visible. Her skin was pale enough that the light above seemed to bounce off of her.  Soon came a clacking on the wooden stage floor. The unmistakable sound of high heels walking with authority came echoing out and the room fell silent. Out came a petite woman, long hair pulled back into a pony tail, wearing a leather mask with two cat ears on the top, tight pants, a suit jacket and a silver sparkly bralette under. She had blood red lipstick applied perfectly.  The stage was high enough that Henry saw the boots she was wearing as she strut out from the back.  

They looked a lot like the ones he put next to Elizabeth this morning. He bit the inside of his lip then looked over at Jeremy. His eyes were transfixed on the woman in the cat mask.  “Mate, I promise this is for your own good.”

“Good evening, Mistress Bettie.” The restrained woman said. She adjusted herself a little. A slight shuffle that caused the metal of her attachments to clink together softly.

“Good evening. I have been informed that you have been a very naughty vixen, is that right?” He knew that voice. Henry’s guts churned.

No, no, no, no. Please. He thought, his mind was screaming at him to leave. He kept looking over at Jeremy, the hatred he had on his face a moment earlier was turning into a look of smug satisfaction.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“And what do I do to naughty vixens, my darling?”

“You punish them, Mistress.”

“That’s right, so what do you think I’m going to do to you tonight?”

“You are going to punish this naughty vixen, Mistress.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

There was a table next to the tableau, the Mistress picked up a leather paddle and softly pat her open hand with it. She set is down, then picked up a nasty looking leather tool that he didn’t know the name of, she swung it around a little bit, letting the tendrils of leather make whistling noises as it went back and forth. She hit her own thigh intentionally, making a loud thud. The blonde jumped. Lastly she picked up a whip that would make Indiana jealous. Walking to the farthest part of the stage, the domina made the whip crack to either side of blonde woman. She flinched and jumped away each time. The whip was placed down.

“That had better be the last time you move around like that, vixen, or I’ll give you a reason to squirm.”

“Yes Mistress, I’ll be better, Mistress.”

“I think I need to warm you up first, don’t you agree?” Henry watcher her put on some black medical gloves and then proceed to start spanking the bottom of woman tied up. The receiver squealed and moaned. Her pristine flesh turning a hot pink after a couple a good swats. The Domme reached between her captives legs and spanked her thighs. Higher and higher she went until she landed a slap on the cotton covered center point, but gave her a tender rub after. “You liked that, didn’t you? Such a good slut.”

“Yes, thank you Mistress,” her gratitude melted into a moan as she arched her back into the generous hands of her captor.

“Just so our friends are all clear, my beautiful vixen, what is your safe word?” Still massaging the blonde’s sex through the cotton fabric.

“Milkshake, Mistress.” She gasped as the black gloved hands found their way inside.

“Thank you, pet.” She pulled her hand away and had the blonde lick her gloved fingers clean. Henry watched the two of them share a tender moment before the Domme walked away. She then grabbed the  tool he didn’t know about. “Oh no, my little vixen, you are missing something.”

The Domme grabbed a faux fur fox tail off of the table. With the flick of a switch it started vibrating aggressively enough that Henry could hear it from where he was sitting. That poor girl was going to be in for it. He had a mixture of emotions coursing through his mind. He held onto the last shred of doubt that maybe Elizabeth had a doppelganger.

“I think these need to come off first.” and she ripped off the black thong. The Dominatrix ran the plug against the delicious folds of her captive, getting as much of her arousal on it as possible. The plug was inserted, the blonde started moaning and her knees buckled. She smiled at the ashen haired woman, letting her enjoy the moment and then clicked off the remote. “Remember, my darling, you can’t come without my permission.”

The submissive let out a groan and stomped her feet. Then the Dominatrix grabbed the heavy leather flogger and swung it around the blonde artfully. Sometimes it was just the tips dancing across the reddening skin, there were times it was a heavy sounding thud. As uncomfortable as this was making him, however, he couldn’t help but notice that the woman receiving was clearly enjoying herself. She arched her back, moaned and gasped in bliss. The Dominatrix gestured to the man on the stage and he unlocked her just long enough to turn her around. He gave her arms a little rub to get the blood flow back as the suit jacket came off of Mistress Bettie. There is was, plain as day. The roses on her torso that he had become more acquainted with the night before.  He closed his eyes for a moment as a wave of anxiety washed over him. He was not supposed to be here, to see this side of her yet. But there she was in front of him. She looked powerfully sexy.

As soon as she the vixen was situated, Elizabeth turned the vibrator back on and started flogging the fronts of her thighs, her breasts and pubic mound. She was clearly very aroused, her body was glistening and her nipples protruded proudly from where they were. The dominant woman placed the flogger down and came up to her submissive, she ran her hands all over her body. She gave the vixen’s nipples some much needed attention and then slide one, two then three fingers inside of her.

“Do you think you deserve to come, naughty girl.” Elizabeth’s hand started moving faster, coaxing her climax out of her soaking wet pussy.

“Yes please, Mistress.”

“Then tell me what you are.”

“I’m a slut, Mistress, a fucking slut.” Her breath was as shaky as her legs

“Who’s slut?”

“Your slut, Mistress.” The woman’s eyes were rolling to back of her head in pleasure

“Then come for your Mistress you fucking whore. Good girl” Elizabeth smiled at her as the sub came loudly all over her hand and proceeded to squirt. Flicking the fluid at the blissful woman, she playfully scolded the vixen “Look at the mess you’ve made.”

The man in black helped her down and the woman got on her hands and knees before Elizabeth. “So now, pet. You can get to chose your next punishment. We can either play the counting game, or we can play the clothes clip game.”

Still panting, “the counting game, Mistress, please.”

“Alright, catch your breath my dearest,” Elizabeth grabbed a stool. The blonde positioned herself leaning across it, she was facing Henry and Jeremy at this point. She wiggled her fingers in a little hello at them both and settled in. “Last time, we made it to what was it eight? Alright, my vixen, make me proud.”

“Yes Mistress.” Elizabeth turned the vibrator up a little, flipped the tail up her back, and spanked the sub’s bottom. “One, thank you Mistress, may I have another.”

Another very loud thud. “Two, Thank you Mistress, may I have another.”

After six, Henry realized that this was less pleasurable for the blonde than the flogging had been. Tears were running down her face. Elizabeth leaned down and licked one of the tears from her face. She looked down for a second and saw the man sitting in the front. She stopped dead in her tracks.

She mouthed his name, he nodded slightly and she then whispered something into the blonde’s ear. One last spank and suddenly the unnamed vixen burst out her safe word as loudly as she could and started openly crying.

“Oh no, my poor sweet girl.” She gently rubbed the subs bottom, Elizabeth then draped her suit jacket on the back of her plaything, she turned and looked at Henry one last time. “I think I’ve hit her limit tonight. Good night.”

The man in black rushed forward and covered the backs of the women like the proper body guard he was, escorting the women off the stage. Henry then turned to the man who brought him and hissed through his teeth “What the actual fuck was the point of you bringing me here?”

“What, you should be thanking me! I exposed her for the snake in the grass that she is!”

Henry walked away angrily. The room was emptying out as quietly as they had come in, although they could tell that some of the clients were giving the cocktail waitresses a hard time about the show being cut short. The redhead that took care of them that evening was being harassed by an older man. Henry told him off and handed her two of the largest bills that he had on him. He pulled his phone out and messaged Elizabeth. I have really fucked up your whole day, haven’t I? Please call me, I’m worried about you.

“You selfish fucking cunt. I am trying my hardest to not wreck this poor woman’s life more than I have and you decide that this is what you want to do?” Henry was trying to keep himself from yelling. “I like her, a lot. A whole lot. She is the nicest person I have ever met and what part of any of what we just saw would make you think that I would like her less?”

“She’s a whore!” Jeremy yelled.

“And? What is your problem with sex workers? I fucking whore myself for every damn role I do. At least she’s more honest about it! The shit I put myself through is no worse than anything that happened on that stage. Does your wife know about this?”

“No, and you wouldn’t dare!”

“You have until tomorrow night to tell her that you come to clubs like this or I swear to god, I will.” He had never been so riled up before. It was taking everything to not rip the smaller, balding man apart piece by piece. “This would devastate her, and you know it.”

“Gentlemen, I need you to calm down.” The large Nordic man said calmly. Henry adjusted his suit jacked when he felt his pocket vibrate.

I’ll be out in a moment, wait for me?

Of course

As they walked outside, Jeremy started up again. Fortunately this time they were alone. The valet driver’s were getting his car as quickly as they could. “You can’t turn a woman like that into a housewife, Henry. You saw that she very clearly enjoyed playing with another girl. What will you do if she starts craving pussy? I am not okay with you seeing this bird. She will destroy you, Henry. We were all there after your last big break up. This one will be the worst of all of them. I can see it already.”

“Jeremy, I’ve know her for a few weeks at this point. After this, I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to me again. And I probably don’t deserve to. But you do not get to make that call.”

Elizabeth watched from the door way as they yelled at each other.

“She’s literally a whore, she gets paid a lot of money to fuck people. What if she has private clients the same way she took on private dance lessons with you? How many people do you think she’s sleeping with?”

“Firstly, it is none of your business who I’m sleeping with. Secondly, I don’t do private shows, you know that, you asked me for one several time. Each time I said no.” She put her foot down. Henry reached out for her, and she leaned into him.

“Jeremy, I think you should leave. I will make my own way home.”

“You expect me to leave you here… with her?”

“Yes, and you had better tell Jillian or I will.” Henry snarled, protectively hugging Elizabeth. He turned to her and softly said “I’m so sorry.”

“Wait he’s married? And he’s calling me a whore? Hey, fuck you, Jeremy!” She snarled at the man getting into his car. “Well today has been a cluster fuck.”

“That is putting it mildly. Please come home with me, I want to make up for this morning and for surprising you like this, I’ll bring you breakfast in bed, we can do whatever you want.”

The woman smiled gently at him and shushed him with a kiss. “I would like that, but I would love to sleep in my own bed tonight. My place isn’t as nice as yours but you are welcome to be there with me tonight.”

“I would like that a lot.”

[pink-peony-princess]

Laughter is the best medicine

"Oh baby, what's the matter?" Shawn asked softly as he walked into his young daughter's room for the third time in the space of an hour. It had been one of those nights, and Shawn found himself resenting the fact that after a long day of work at the local hospital as an emergency doctor he couldn't just sit and enjoy a night on the sofa with his wife.

However as he turned the corner into his daughter's room, any hint of this lingering feeling feel away. Instead replaced with extreme concern as he made eye contact with the little girl, laying pitifully on the small bed.

He felt a lump rise in his throat. He was worried, Skylar his three year old daughter was his world and he and his wife Gracie had tried for so long for this precious little girl.

This worry only magified, a sick pit churning his insides as he took in the bright red, wet and snotty face of his distraught girl. The expression on the small girl's face would pull at the heart strings of anyone, but for Shawn this was coupled by the knowledge that something had to be seriously wrong for Sky to cry like this. She was normally such a happy child. And she had been anything but that today.

Initially Shawn wasn't too worried, as much as he detested seeing his daughter under the weather, he also knew it was flu season and being too small still to get a vaccine and attending kindergarten put her at risk. This was different though. This wasn't the cry of a child that was a little uncomfortable from the flu, this was full unchecked sobbing.

"Sky, sweetheart, Daddy needs you to take a big breath okay?" He whispered, sitting on the bed and wrapping the small girl in his embrace. He could feel her curling and uncurling her hands as she grabbed fist fulls of his worn-out pyjama shirt, something she did when she was trying to comfort herself. She was so tiny compared to his nearly 6'2" frame, yet she seemed to instantly melt into her father's warmth. Her little face was hot with the tears she cried, now buried in his chest, damp hair stuck to forehead from sweat.

Shawn hummed softly as her cries turned to soft whimpers. He tried not to move even as she fidgeted, trying to find a comfortable position. It was now almost nine PM and Gracie had put Sky to bed almost 3 hours ago in the hope that the two of them might get to have a rare, movie and cuddle night, something that seemed so rare these days with Shawn's job as an Internal Medicine resident. Before marriage four years ago he and Gracie would spend every weekend together watching their favourite movies, but then life got busy. Shawn had really been hoping for this night, but somehow both he and Gracie knew that it wasn't going to happen.

Sky hadn't really moved from her bed all day, something which both her parents found extremely worrying considering the usual boistirus energy that seemed so endless. And now here they were, Shawn trying desperately to comfort the small girl.

"How is she?" He heard Gracie ask from the doorway. Her voice shook, clearly she was trying not to cry and Shawn's heart gave another pang as he wished he had the ability to comfort his overwhelmed and exhausted wife and ill daughter simultaneously.

He wished nothing more than to be able to take both of his girl's pain, to make everything alright again.

"Feel sick," the small girl spoke before he had the chance to answer Gracie.

"I know pretty girl. Can you tell daddy where it hurts?" He asked, placing a hand on his daughter's forehead, feeling the heat of a raging temperature. 3 years as an internal medicine resident told him that her fever had to be over 100. Worryingly warm for anyone, especially someone as young as Skylar.

"Gracie, he spoke, turning to the door, "Will you bring an ice pack and the children's tylonol please."

His wife nodded, smiling at Sky, but Shawn saw the way she wiped a tear from her face surreptitiously as she left the room, her footsteps on the stairs the only other sound than his little girl's soft cries.

The little girl on the bed whimpered, confirming what he knew already. She was feeling miserable.

"Sky-sky, will you let daddy make you feel better? Can I use the boom-boom tool to listen to your chest?" He asked softly, using the name his daughter used to refer to his stethoscope.

She nodded mutely. Her cries softening ever a tiny bit, helping to ease some fo the hurt Shawn was feeling. He felt so helpless, something he was not used to. He was accustomed to being able to deal with issues, to staying calm under pressure when everyone else was a mess, to being clinical, methodical. This was different though, this was his little girl, his pride and joy, his precious little bundle. He couldn't help but pull the small girl just a little closer as he called down to his wife.

"Gracie will you grab my bag off the counter?" He requested, loud enough that he hoped she'd hear, but not too loud to startle Sky, who was finally starting to settle slightly.

Moments later Gracie re- appeared, ice-pack, Tylenol and, his work bag in hand.

"Want me to take her?"She whispered, nodding to Sky.

Shawn nodded, gently passing his daughter to her mother, earning a small whine.

"It's all right Sky-sky," she soothed kissing her head as Shawn had done earlier.

Shawn stood up and dug through his bag quicky, pulling out his stethoscope, otoscope and a few other bits he thought he might need before letting the bag drop to the floor- his ID badge falling out in the process. He didn't care though, his only thoughts on his little girl.

By the time his was sitting on the bed again (a mere 30 seconds later) small tears were rolling down Sky's cheeks, the familiar pang of hurt and worry reappeared as he tried fruitlessly to calm down the small girl.

"I know honey. I know," He murmured, gently rubbing circles onto her back as Gracie held her. "Daddy make it better okay."

Finally when she was calm enough he picked up his stethoscope and placed in gently to Sky's back, listening to her lungs.

"Gracie can you turn her to face me?" He asked. His wife turned Sky, earning another whine, but Shawn was quick to make her laugh, sticking his tongue out at her as he sat and listened.

He was quick to finish the rest of the exam, listening to her heart, looking in her nose, throat and ears before finally taking her temperature.

"All done princess." He smiled at his daughter, while showing his wife the thermometer which read 104. He and Gracie shared a worried glance as Sky held her arms out, making grabby hands at her father, Shawn not hesitating to take the small girl again.

"Someone's popular!" Gracie laughed as Sky rested her head on her father's chest.

"What do ya think it is?" Gracie asked watching as her daughter drifted in and out of sleep, moving restlessly on her husband's lap.

"I'm fairly certain it's just some sort of tummy bug she's picked up from kindy,"Shawn replied as he stroked his thumb down the side of his daughter's face. Nothing major, but I really want to get some medicine in her system to break this fever. If it doesn't break by morning I'll take her in to see Connor," He added, referring to one of his colleagues, and the only one he trusted with his daughter's health.

Half an hour later they'd somehow convinced Shy to take the dose of Tylenol, the ice-pack resting on her forehead as she slept peacefully in her father's arms in her bed, Gracie asleep in the across the room Shawn having managed to let him take 'this shift' though Gracie didn't need to know that her husband had no intentions of letting her be stuck awake with their daughter any longer. He knew she was exhausted and needed sleep.

Shawn wasnt overly concerned, pleased that she was getting the rest she needed, however this was broken and the two parents were on high alert once more as Sky began moving, twisting in her father's soft grasp and whimpering in her sleep.

"Sky?" Shawn spoke softly so as not to scare her. Her small eyes opened immediately whelling with tears alarming Shawn. Gracie rushed over from the rocking chair- tripping sleepily on Shawn's bag which lay in the same spot as earlier- where she had been sleeping uncomfortsbly, trying in vein to help. "What's wrong Sky?" Shawn asked again."Sick," She groaned and before either Shawn or Gracie had a chance to react she had thrown up- all over the bed, herself and Shawn , wailing as she realised what she'd done.

"SSH, it's okay bubba," Shawn tried to calm the child down as he wiped some of the sick from his sweat pants.

"Go and get changed, I'll bathe her and change the sheets," Gracie sighed, stiffling a laugh as she took in her husband. Even in this state he STILL managed to look hot. How he did it, she didn't know.

Shawn nodded greatfully, getting up and leaving his wife to deal with the remaining mess.

By the time Shawn returned, doning a fresh set of sleepwear, his hair slightly damp from the shower he had been forced to take, his little girl was laughing. And not just a little bit, she was laughing hysterically at something.

",What's so funny?" He inquired only getting more laughter. It was another two minutes before Gracie pulled herself together enough to explain.

" Sky was laughing at having vomitted on Daddy,clearly the shock of the situation has warn off," She grinned.

"So youre laughing at Daddy getting puke on me?" Shawn smiled shaking his head. "You're puke I might add," he shock his head as his daughter giggled even more.

"I'm glad she seems to be feeling a bit brighter, Shawn spoke softly to his wife as they watched as their little girl, calmed, going from laughing hysterically to soft snores in no more than a minute and a half.

"I'd feel better if she was in our room tonight." He added.

"Me too, " Gracie agreed, watching as Shawn carefully picked up their sleep oh daughter.

"Apparently laughter is the best medicine." Shawn smiled down at his little girk, sound asleep in his arms.

"That it is." Gracie agreed, the two sharing a quick kiss, before the two made their way to their bedroom, their precious bundle cuddled up between them... A bucket sat at the side if the bed just in case.

[cmanonstillinhiding]

second impact

 @enbies-and-felonies pt 5!! i’m gonna call this one the end but i might write an epilogue of sorts at some point? i hope you like it! <3

--

Hotch was gracious enough to wait until 7:30 to call them in later that day, so they drove Ellie to school on their way to the BAU. 

‘I’m getting my uniform today! We’re meeting our coach too, and having our first practice and-’

JJ groaned. ‘-and drowning your mothers in release forms, physical forms, contact forms, the list goes on.’

‘Oh, yeah. We got those already, they’re on the hall table. They need to be in by Friday.

Emily smirked. ‘Well, Ellie, I think your mom can help you with that. She does have experience.

‘Yeah, from the athlete’s perspective. I feel bad for my mother, having to fill all those out every year.’

Ellie rolled her eyes. ‘It’s not that bad. You have case reports longer almost every day.’

Emily sighed as they stopped in front of Ellie’s school. ‘All the more reason for you not to add on top of them! You have your things? Alright, we’ll pick you up after practice. Have a good day!’

Ellie hopped out of the car, waving as she headed into the building. Emily dodged through the rush hour traffic as they drove the familiar route to the BAU, neither one wanting to break the silence that had settled once Ellie left.

Hotch only kept them until around noon that day, just finishing up paperwork and tying off any loose ends that had been left in the investigation. After Morgan and Reid left arm-in-arm at 11:30, he gave up on anything productive and gave them the rest of the day off.

JJ drove home, half watching the road and half lost in thought until Emily reminded her she’d just missed the turn down their road. JJ sighed and turned the car around, aware of Emily’s eyes drilling into her. ‘You really want to have that talk, huh?’

‘Yeah, I do.’

‘Okay. As soon as we get home.’

--

JJ tossed her keys onto the hall table, grabbing Ellie’s small mountain of sports forms as she walked into the kitchen where Emily, who was already making coffee, stared at the stack. ‘All that for a middleschool sport?’

JJ sighed. ‘Oh, yeah. All that plus impact testing, insurance forms, allergy information, and gosh knows what else.’ She pulled the top packet off the pile. ‘This at least is information. Her team roster, game times, uniform rules, and her-’

Emily frowned over the counter at her pause. ‘Her what?’

JJ tossed the form back onto the table. ‘I’m going to go pick up Ellie.’

‘What? It’s 1:00, she doesn’t even get out of school for another hour and a half.’

‘I don’t want her going to practice today.’

Emily come around to grab the packet off the table. ‘I thought we were going to talk about this? What happened?’

‘Her-’ JJ’s voice broke. ‘Her coach. He used to be-’

Emily met her eyes. ‘Brian Andrews. That’s your old coach, isn’t it?’

JJ closed her eyes, barely nodding. ‘Yes. He was.’ 

‘You need to tell me what’s so bad about him. I don’t want your perception of him to affect Ellie.’

‘Why don’t you just trust me?’

‘JJ, you know I do. I just can’t-’

‘Can’t what? Can’t just please, please, listen to me without needing to hear exactly how he hurt me? Exactly what happened? Em, stop. Just stop, please. I don’t want to hear how I ‘need to look on the bright side’ and ‘just because I had a bad experience doesn’t mean Ellie will.’ Because that’s so, so, not what I need to hear right now. You think Ellie should be allowed to play, great, she can play. But I cannot look the man that almost killed me in the eye and tell him I’m glad he can do the same to my daughter. Emily, you have to hear this. I don’t want my life to ruin Ellie’s. But I need my life, my experience to mean something to you.’

Emily, entirely taken aback by her outburst, paused for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice had none of its previous edge. ‘What do you mean ‘he almost killed you?”

JJ shook her head, lips pressed together.

Emily nodded. ‘Okay. If you don’t want to talk right now, fine, but will you sit with me?’

‘What?’

Emily shifted over to make space for her on the couch. ‘Sit with me. Please.’

JJ sat down gingerly, bracing herself for Emily to continue the conversation.

Emily laid her hand on JJ’s knee, waiting for her to make the next move. JJ placed her own hand over Emily’s, leaning into her until she could rest her head on the other’s shoulder. Emily threaded her fingers into JJ’s hair, stroking gently until she felt her relax. ‘Hey, sweetheart. You with me?’

JJ nodded, tucking her head against Emily’s shoulder. 

‘Okay. Do you want to talk now, or just stay here?’

Barely more than a whisper. ‘Talk.’

‘Can I ask you a question?’

‘Yes.’

‘What did you mean when you said your coach almost killed you?’

JJ stiffened, her entire body tensing against Emily’s. She took a deep breath before beginning to speak. ‘I was 17, and got the flu just before a game. I had a fever of 102°. But missing a practice, let alone a game, as a captain was grounds for dismissal from the team. So I went. I almost passed out just walking to the field, so I swallowed my pride and asked to sit out.’

She paused, closing her eyes against the memory.

‘I stumbled out there, and he said to me,’

--

‘Are you serious? I trained you for years! Years! I made you everything you are, everything you will be, and you ask to sit out? How do you think that looks for me? My best senior, on the bench in the postseason? Not a chance! Get moving, girl. Three laps for your attitude, then practice.’

JJ had caught one word in five of his tirade through the pounding in her head. The tylenol the nurse had given her was wearing off, and she didn’t think making even one lap around the field was a possibility. She’d paused too long though, and a hand between her shoulder blades had her on the ground, facedown in the damp turf.

‘That’s four laps now, lazy. Get to it.’

JJ pulled herself up slowly, waiting for the world to stop spinning, then started a miserable jog around the field, barely upright. Pain, she was used to that. But this was different, a loss of ability, coordination, senses. Just three more laps, just two more laps, just-

--

‘I didn’t know I’d passed out until I woke up in the ER. I was left on the ground until practice was over. I was hypothermic and my temperature had spiked to 104°, but as far as Coach was concerned, I was useless.’

Emily was silent for so long JJ pulled back, turning her head up to look at Emily, hoping she hadn’t just ruined...well, everything. But Emily was staring down at her, mouth slightly open. ‘Sweetheart...I don’t know what to say.’

JJ didn’t answer, so Emily pulled her onto her lap, tucking the blonde’s head against her chest, wrapping her arms around her. ‘Shhhh, hey, I’m here. I have you.’

JJ nodded, staying where she was. ‘Do you understand now?’

‘Yeah. At least better than I did.’ Emily turned to look at her. ‘You lived like that for four years?’

‘Four years, year-round. We had an indoor rec league and spring games too. I saw him more than I saw my mother.’

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘Because that’s normal! He wasn’t out of the ordinary at all for what he did, and it made us better players.’

‘I can assure you none of that made you a better player.’

‘It made me stronger.’

‘You’re repeating something he said, aren’t you.’

‘Yeah. I don’t know what else to say.’

‘What else happened?’

Emily waited a minute before JJ answered, her voice flat and detached.

‘He kept us on the field for as many as six hours, running almost the whole time. We were to attend practice no matter what, sick, injured, sister had just died, whatever. We would bleed through our cleats from blisters. When I got home every night, I would have to soak my socks and uniform to make sure my mother didn’t see the bloodstains. I played concussed and on stress fractures for two years, almost all without any access to medical care, because that would mean I had to sit out, and I couldn’t do that. On weekends we played dawn til dusk, before and after our games, with laps if we weren’t performing well enough. I wanted to quit so badly, but I had no other way out, and he knew that. For all of us.’

‘How could he do that? You were a child!’

‘We were children, and had no idea what we’d gotten into. When you don’t know anything else...I didn’t even know something was wrong with what he did until I graduated college.’

‘My god...JJ, why didn’t you tell me this earlier?’

‘I really, really don’t like talking about it, and I was hoping you’d trust me enough I wouldn’t have to.’

‘I should have. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you, love.’

JJ nodded, still curled against Emily. ‘I can’t let that happen to Ellie.’

Emily kissed her hair, pulling her closer. ‘No. We won’t let that happen. But, if there’s a rec league, or maybe a travel team around here...she really does want to play.’

JJ paused. ‘I think I could handle that, if she had a different coach. I want her to be happy, but I-I can’t have her near that man.’

‘I understand. We’ll figure it out, okay?’

‘Okay.’

They stayed like that for a while, until JJ’s phone buzzed with a text from Garcia. Emily opened it with a sigh. ‘You’ll never guess what this says...’

JJ groaned. ‘We have a case?’

‘Four dead in Providence, Rhode Island. Hotch wants us there ASAP.

‘Of course he does. I’ll call my mom to get Ellie.’

Emily groused into the hall the grab the keys. ‘They really can’t give us a day off, huh?’

‘Oh, where else would you get your adrenaline if not from chasing down the scum of the earth?’

‘We’re going to be chasing down a teenage daughter soon, I think that should about cover it.’

JJ grinned. ‘You have a point.’

Emily smirked back. ‘I know.’ 

She turned just as she reached the door, reaching for JJ’s hand. ‘I love you.’

JJ took it. ‘I love you too.’

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

Laughter is the Best Medicine

"Oh baby, what's the matter?" Shawn asked softly as he walked into his young daughter's room for the third time in the space of an hour. It had been one of those nights, and Shawn found himself resenting the fact that after a long day of work at the local hospital as an emergency doctor he couldn't just sit and enjoy a night on the sofa with his wife.

However as he turned the corner into his daughter's room, any hint of this lingering feeling feel away. Instead replaced with extreme concern as he made eye contact with the little girl, laying pitifully on the small bed.

He felt a lump rise in his throat. He was worried, Skylar his three year old daughter was his world and he and his wife Gracie had tried for so long for this precious little girl.

This worry only magified, a sick pit churning his insides as he took in the bright red, wet and snotty face of his distraught girl. The expression on the small girl's face would pull at the heart strings of anyone, but for Shawn this was coupled by the knowledge that something had to be seriously wrong for Sky to cry like this. She was normally such a happy child. And she had been anything but that today.

Initially Shawn wasn't too worried, as much as he detested seeing his daughter under the weather, he also knew it was flu season and being too small still to get a vaccine and attending kindergarten put her at risk. This was different though. This wasn't the cry of a child that was a little uncomfortable from the flu, this was full unchecked sobbing.

"Sky, sweetheart, Daddy needs you to take a big breath okay?" He whispered, sitting on the bed and wrapping the small girl in his embrace. He could feel her curling and uncurling her hands as she grabbed fist fulls of his worn-out pyjama shirt, something she did when she was trying to comfort herself. She was so tiny compared to his nearly 6'2" frame, yet she seemed to instantly melt into her father's warmth. Her little face was hot with the tears she cried, now buried in his chest, damp hair stuck to forehead from sweat.

Shawn hummed softly as her cries turned to soft whimpers. He tried not to move even as she fidgeted, trying to find a comfortable position. It was now almost nine PM and Gracie had put Sky to bed almost 3 hours ago in the hope that the two of them might get to have a rare, movie and cuddle night, something that seemed so rare these days with Shawn's job as an Internal Medicine resident. Before marriage four years ago he and Gracie would spend every weekend together watching their favourite movies, but then life got busy. Shawn had really been hoping for this night, but somehow both he and Gracie knew that it wasn't going to happen.

Sky hadn't really moved from her bed all day, something which both her parents found extremely worrying considering the usual boistirus energy that seemed so endless. And now here they were, Shawn trying desperately to comfort the small girl.

"How is she?" He heard Gracie ask from the doorway. Her voice shook, clearly she was trying not to cry and Shawn's heart gave another pang as he wished he had the ability to comfort his overwhelmed and exhausted wife and ill daughter simultaneously.

He wished nothing more than to be able to take both of his girl's pain, to make everything alright again.

"Feel sick," the small girl spoke before he had the chance to answer Gracie.

"I know pretty girl. Can you tell daddy where it hurts?" He asked, placing a hand on his daughter's forehead, feeling the heat of a raging temperature. 3 years as an internal medicine resident told him that her fever had to be over 100. Worryingly warm for anyone, especially someone as young as Skylar.

"Gracie, he spoke, turning to the door, "Will you bring an ice pack and the children's tylonol please."

His wife nodded, smiling at Sky, but Shawn saw the way she wiped a tear from her face surreptitiously as she left the room, her footsteps on the stairs the only other sound than his little girl's soft cries.

The little girl on the bed whimpered, confirming what he knew already. She was feeling miserable.

"Sky-sky, will you let daddy make you feel better? Can I use the boom-boom tool to listen to your chest?" He asked softly, using the name his daughter used to refer to his stethoscope.

She nodded mutely. Her cries softening ever a tiny bit, helping to ease some fo the hurt Shawn was feeling. He felt so helpless, something he was not used to. He was accustomed to being able to deal with issues, to staying calm under pressure when everyone else was a mess, to being clinical, methodical. This was different though, this was his little girl, his pride and joy, his precious little bundle. He couldn't help but pull the small girl just a little closer as he called down to his wife.

"Gracie will you grab my bag off the counter?" He requested, loud enough that he hoped she'd hear, but not too loud to startle Sky, who was finally starting to settle slightly.

Moments later Gracie re- appeared, ice-pack, Tylenol and, his work bag in hand.

"Want me to take her?"She whispered, nodding to Sky.

Shawn nodded, gently passing his daughter to her mother, earning a small whine.

"It's all right Sky-sky," she soothed kissing her head as Shawn had done earlier.

Shawn stood up and dug through his bag quicky, pulling out his stethoscope, otoscope and a few other bits he thought he might need before letting the bag drop to the floor- his ID badge falling out in the process. He didn't care though, his only thoughts on his little girl.

By the time his was sitting on the bed again (a mere 30 seconds later) small tears were rolling down Sky's cheeks, the familiar pang of hurt and worry reappeared as he tried fruitlessly to calm down the small girl.

"I know honey. I know," He murmured, gently rubbing circles onto her back as Gracie held her. "Daddy make it better okay."

Finally when she was calm enough he picked up his stethoscope and placed in gently to Sky's back, listening to her lungs.

"Gracie can you turn her to face me?" He asked. His wife turned Sky, earning another whine, but Shawn was quick to make her laugh, sticking his tongue out at her as he sat and listened.

He was quick to finish the rest of the exam, listening to her heart, looking in her nose, throat and ears before finally taking her temperature.

"All done princess." He smiled at his daughter, while showing his wife the thermometer which read 104. He and Gracie shared a worried glance as Sky held her arms out, making grabby hands at her father, Shawn not hesitating to take the small girl again.

"Someone's popular!" Gracie laughed as Sky rested her head on her father's chest.

"What do ya think it is?" Gracie asked watching as her daughter drifted in and out of sleep, moving restlessly on her husband's lap.

"I'm fairly certain it's just some sort of tummy bug she's picked up from kindy,"Shawn replied as he stroked his thumb down the side of his daughter's face. Nothing major, but I really want to get some medicine in her system to break this fever. If it doesn't break by morning I'll take her in to see Connor," He added, referring to one of his colleagues, and the only one he trusted with his daughter's health.

Half an hour later they'd somehow convinced Shy to take the dose of Tylenol, the ice-pack resting on her forehead as she slept peacefully in her father's arms in her bed, Gracie asleep in the across the room Shawn having managed to let him take 'this shift' though Gracie didn't need to know that her husband had no intentions of letting her be stuck awake with their daughter any longer. He knew she was exhausted and needed sleep.

Shawn wasnt overly concerned, pleased that she was getting the rest she needed, however this was broken and the two parents were on high alert once more as Sky began moving, twisting in her father's soft grasp and whimpering in her sleep.

"Sky?" Shawn spoke softly so as not to scare her. Her small eyes opened immediately whelling with tears alarming Shawn. Gracie rushed over from the rocking chair- tripping sleepily on Shawn's bag which lay in the same spot as earlier- where she had been sleeping uncomfortsbly, trying in vein to help. "What's wrong Sky?" Shawn asked again."Sick," She groaned and before either Shawn or Gracie had a chance to react she had thrown up- all over the bed, herself and Shawn , wailing as she realised what she'd done.

"SSH, it's okay bubba," Shawn tried to calm the child down as he wiped some of the sick from his sweat pants.

"Go and get changed, I'll bathe her and change the sheets," Gracie sighed, stiffling a laugh as she took in her husband. Even in this state he STILL managed to look hot. How he did it, she didn't know.

Shawn nodded greatfully, getting up and leaving his wife to deal with the remaining mess.

By the time Shawn returned, doning a fresh set of sleepwear, his hair slightly damp from the shower he had been forced to take, his little girl was laughing. And not just a little bit, she was laughing hysterically at something.

",What's so funny?" He inquired only getting more laughter. It was another two minutes before Gracie pulled herself together enough to explain.

" Sky was laughing at having vomitted on Daddy,clearly the shock of the situation has warn off," She grinned.

"So youre laughing at Daddy getting puke on me?" Shawn smiled shaking his head. "You're puke I might add," he shock his head as his daughter giggled even more.

"I'm glad she seems to be feeling a bit brighter, Shawn spoke softly to his wife as they watched as their little girl, calmed, going from laughing hysterically to soft snores in no more than a minute and a half.

"I'd feel better if she was in our room tonight." He added.

"Me too, " Gracie agreed, watching as Shawn carefully picked up their sleep oh daughter.

"Apparently laughter is the best medicine." Shawn smiled down at his little girk, sound asleep in his arms.

"That it is." Gracie agreed, the two sharing a quick kiss, before the two made their way to their bedroom, their precious bundle cuddled up between them... A bucket sat at the side if the bed just in case.

[stanbillyhargrove]

Ghosts chp 29

T/W: death

A/N: sorry it's taken me so long to post this, but here we go!

Katrina's POV

Darkness. All around me, consuming. Is this all there is?

No, this can't be it. I can hear something.

Sirens.

Murmuring.

Breathing.

I can feel my chest rising and falling.

Fuck.

--

I woke, mind fuzzy, floating high in painkiller clouds. Had a brief thought to laugh and scream and cry about my failure. Didn't because I was lulled back to sleep.

Somewhere else, I could hear Olivia humming gently, lulling me back to sleep.

--

The next time I woke up, I was overcome with the smell of bleach. Too stiff blankets scratched my skin. I wiggled my fingers and toes, testing my control. I couldn't hear Neil, couldn't feel him, but deep down I knew he was still here.

I opened my eyes, squinting under the bright lights at the bare room. There was nobody here waiting, noone sleeping softly in the chair beside my bed. I tried to talk, to call out, but a sharp spike of pain stopped me and I curled into myself with a groan. Laid there for a minute, breathing deeply as I waited for the pain to subside.

"Hey, you're awake,"

I looked over to see Billy poking his head in the door, a cup of coffee steaming in his hand.

I tried to talk again, to ask him what happened, but opening my mouth sent another flash of pain. He hurried over and placed a notebook and pen in my lap.

"You're not gunna be able to talk for a while," he explained.

'What happened?' I scribbled.

"What do you remember?"

'Neil, he tried to stop me. Mirror.'

He looked so weary when he nodded, "you tried to kill yourself...Katrina, I told you we'd find another way.."

'No other way,' I gave him a thin smile.

He reached over, took my hand in his and squeezed gently, "don't give up yet.."

I met his eyes, saw the purple bags there and realized he was as tired as I was. Stressed and broken down like I was.

"Don't give up on me," he murmured, "just give me some more time.."

I squeezed his fingers and nodded. He sighed with relief, shoulders dropping and leaned to kiss my forehead. Sat down in the chair next to my bed, thumb sweeping gently across my hand.

"How do you feel?"

I scribbled messily with my free hand, 'hurts.'

"Yeah, you did a number on yourself. Cut your tongue right in half," his fingers came up and brushed my cheek, across a cotton bandage I hadn't noticed, "got your cheek a bit too. Scared the shit out of me."

'Sorry.'

He smirked, his tongue between his teeth, "I almost asked them to keep your tongue split in two, oral would have been fantastic."

I rolled my eyes and puffed air out my nose, the closest I could get to a laugh.

'Asshole.'

He laughed, proud of himself. I perked at the smell of citrus, eyes flicking to search for her.

"What?" He asked, turning to look around the room and back at me.

'Elle.'

"She's here?"

Billy smiled when I nodded and stood up.

"I'll take a walk...give you a few minutes and come back with a doctor."

I looked up at him, smiling as softly as I could and hoping he understood how grateful I was.

It took a minute after Billy left for Elle to appear, her usual warm smile replaced with a sad, tight lipped one.

"Hi, Katrina" she murmured.

My eyes watered and I stretched out a hand to lace our fingers together. She gripped my hand tight and brushed her fingers over my hair.

"What did you do to yourself?" She asked, "this isn't like you...you're a fighter."

I shrugged, eyes flicking down.

"Has he really broken you?"

I pulled my hand from hers to hold my notebook and write, 'easier to give him what he wants. Or try again. Do it right.'

Elle sighed, "you can't just give up. You have to be strong and fight him."

Tears started to slip down my cheek, 'it's too hard. I'm tired.'

"I know it's hard but you have to fight this bastard, okay? Give Billy some more time...he really loves you, you know?"

I sniffed and nodded slowly.

She cupped my cheek, fingers sweeping through tears, "and I know you love him too. And that's okay, let yourself love him, Katie. Just stop being stupid and tell him."

I returned her smile and pointed at my mouth before writing, 'can't.'

She laughed, "smart ass."

'Love you, Ellie.'

"I love you, Katie."

She bent to kiss my forehead softly before disappearing.

--

Billy brought me back to my apartment after the doctor explained what my healing would entail. A liquid diet and salt water rinses for two weeks, try not to talk until the stitches fall out and come back if an infection sets in. Tylenol and sleep to manage pain. I feel like I could sleep for two weeks straight, so that's easy enough.

Let ourselves into my apartment and saw Steve and Riley standing there.

"You're home!" Riley came over to hug me softly, "how are you feeling? Hungry?"

I pulled back, held up my notebook and wrote, 'little hungry, tired.'

She kept gentle fingers on my arm as she led me to the couch, "here, lie down. We got some groceries for you, I'll make you something."

I sat down on the end of the couch, 'you didn't have to buy me food.'

Riley smiled, eyes crinkling, "well we couldn't leave you with nothing to eat, all your food went bad."

I went to scribble on my notepad, to ask how much I owed them but she stopped my hand.

"We wanted to do it. Lay down, I'll get you some soup."

Billy sat down on the other side of my couch, placed a pillow on his legs and patted it. He waited for me to lie down and get comfortable before covering me with the blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch.

I wrote in the notebook and tapped his leg to get his attention.

'How's Pudge?'

"He's good, big now. I'll bring him over later."

'My plants?'

He smiled down at me, "we tried our best, a couple of them don't look too happy but you can take care of them later, just get some rest."

His warm hand smoothed over my hair and I closed my eyes, letting myself drift to sleep.

--

"Katrina."

I hummed, not wanting to leave the dark. Not yet.

Warm fingers brushed my skin, bringing the smell of the ocean and the feeling of dirt under bare feet to my head.

"Come here."

I opened them slowly, squinting against the light. Saw that I was on a beach and that Olivia was standing at the edge of the water, looking back at me with her fingers resting lightly on my arm.

"Come on," she urged.

I came forward, joining her at the water's edge. She clasped my hand tight in hers, smiling as she looked out into the horizon.

"I used to read about pirates. Nasty men who murdered and stole. Left destruction and blood in the waves behind them."

I looked over at Olivia, at the wistful smile on her face as the wind blew her hair over her shoulder.

"Princes and princesses too. Women being swept away by Prince Charming and living happily ever after. Having all they ever dreamed of and more," she turned to look at me, "I thought I found my Prince Charming in Neil, but now I understand. Prince Charming and Bluebeard are the same man and you don't get a happy ending. Not unless you can love both of them."

I cast my eyes down, biting my lip.

"But you can't, can you?"

"No," I whispered.

"I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive," she touched her knuckles under my chin, lifting my face to look at her, "I've seen you cry way too many times. You deserve to be alive and in love."

"But, the only way to get rid of him is if I die, Olivia."

She shook her head, "your heart has to stop, long enough for you to break his hold. But, there's a window of time where you can be brought back. Without him."

"Is that it?"

"There's also a chance that breaking his hold will wipe your memory."

"What? Like, I won't remember anything?"

A sad smile curled one side of her lips, "it's a possibility. But he'd be gone...you'd be free."

--

"You sure about this?" Billy asked.

I nodded.

I'd just told him what Olivia had said in my dream. That there was a chance to end this once and for all. I left out the losing my memory part though, he didn't need to worry about that.

"What if we can't bring you back?"

'I'll be free,' I wrote.

He ran a hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

"I'll talk to Steve and the girls, see if we can make a plan...but I'm not promising anything and you need to heal up first."

'Thank you,' I smiled and reached to squeeze his fingers.

His mouth twitched into a quick smile that withered when he looked away.

-- 3 weeks later

The cabin loomed in the trees, dark and foreboding. Cold and empty still since the last time I was here. I half expected it to be closed up with caution tape. But there was nothing, no sign that anybody missed this cabin or the man that owned it.

There was still a bag full of my clothes thrown on the floor and a pile of bloody bandages beside the bathroom sink. The only evidence of what had happened.

My stitches had come out almost a week ago. Right when I started to feel Neil's presence coming back. When I started to hear whispers and see shadows at the edges of my vision. It was now or never, we decided.

"Hey," Billy murmured, smoothing his hand over my shoulder and squeezing gently, "how ya feeling?"

I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes, "nervous."

He huffed out a laugh at the lisp I developed re learning how to talk. He'd spent days howling with laughter when I first started talking again.

I glared up at him and he squeezed me to his side.

"We won't let anything happen to you. We've got it all figured out."

"There's something else...something I didn't tell you."

He tensed, "what?"

"Olivia...she said there's a chance that if I wake up-"

"When you wake up," Billy interrupted.

"There's a chance that I won't remember anything..."

He was quiet for a moment and then a slow smirk spread over his face.

"I guess that means I'll get to blow your mind all over again...maybe I'll get the courage to tell you a little earlier."

"Tell me what?"

A light blush warmed his cheeks when he turned, dipping his face close to mine.

"Tell you that I love you."

--

"Okay, Katrina. You ready?"

I nodded at Steve, hands sweaty at my sides.

"Let's do this."

He nodded once, face tight, "you've got four minutes until we need to bring you back. Riley, you guys ready?"

I looked over at Riley, Brook, Audrey and Tris. They looked like warriors in all black clothes and matching stoney faces, like they would be the ones fighting off Neil for me.

"Protections are set, ambulance is on the way just in case," Riley said, "as ready as we'll ever be."

Steve blew out a long breath, shaking his hands out, "okay, let's do this. Audrey's going to use her powers to keep you still, just in case Neil tries to take over, okay? Try not to panic."

I felt my body starting to tremble when I nodded and whispered, "okay."

Billy stepped up in front of me, a plastic bag in his hands. He cupped my face and kissed me gently.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you."

He slipped the bag over my head, pulling it tight around my neck. I felt Audrey's powers keeping me still, stopping me from thrashing and fighting until the darkness took over.

--

I woke to find myself in Neil's world. The pink bathtub surrounded by lush plants to my right, the giant plush bed to my left. The fire crackled and popped angrily in front of me, flames growing to lick the outside of the fireplace.

"Katrina? What did you do?"

Neil appeared in front of me, eyes brimming with tears.

"What did you do?" He yelled.

"I have to end it, Neil," I murmured.

"You can't do that...you can't do that to me, Katrina. What about us?"

I closed my eyes when his knuckles brushed my cheek and leaned into the soft touch.

"Katrina, please, just wake up," he begged, "we can be happy again...I've been trying to be good, you know that, right?"

I could hear the fire crackling louder when I looked up at him, at his watery eyes and nodded, whispering, "I know.."

"Then we up...I won't control you anymore, I promise...I love you, Katrina. Don't you love me?"

My lip wobbled when I glanced away.

"No."

I felt my words hit him like a knife to the chest, felt the red hot pain settle in my heart.

"No?"

I took a steadying breath and looked back at him. At his sharp, angular face and icy blue eyes, his dark hair falling messily around his eyes.

"I don't love you anymore," I choked.

In a split second, he changed. He stopped crying and any sense of grief left him, replaced with burning rage. Strong hands wrapped around my throat, squeezing as tight as he could. Neil's lip pulled back with a sneer at the sound of me choking. I scratched frantically at his wrists, but he just squeezed harder, muscles shaking from the effort.

Darkness spread in my vision, consuming while my lungs stopped gasping for air and I fell into nothingness.

@alias-b @charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama

[theforce]

presumptive horrible rotten case of corona: symptoms

presumptive bc i couldnt get a god damn test i live in new york and while there are testing sites all over the state and our state govt is doing what they can now, i don’t want to be the person taking away a test from someone else especially now that i am mostly better, most of this went down at the beginning of the month and i’m still dealing with the effects of it. 

there was a lot of confusion here even as recent as 2 weeks and we are the state that’s testing more than the rest of the entire country so here is my account of what went down w me, and honestly, what might go down with you or someone you know as soon as this reaches your state

1) i threw up all night long, thought it was a stomach virus, had a lot of stomach issues for like 24 hours, very strange i haven’t had a stomach virus in YEARS since i was a literal child, anyways right before i started puking up my life i developed this weird cough, it felt like it was from my throat, like i was trying to clear it? but it was often and annoying 

2) after my 24 hours of hell i felt feverish and exhausted but i chalked it up to being on the floor of the bathroom all night, exerting my esophagus and body to throw up the devil himself, i tried to sleep it off, i woke up a few hours later in a fog, i was shivering but i was also burning up, i couldn’t tell left from right, up from down, my fever was 100.3, at this point i had my mom call my doctor and make an appointment, she made it for me w the receptionist, everything was fine until 20 minutes later i got a call back from my actual doctor not the receptionist who was like, oh no not you’re not coming here with those symptoms baby and i was like ?? ok cool thanks, she said to keep watching my symptoms, slam some tylenol and if i felt shortness of breath to call or text her personal cell phone and she would get me set up at the nearest hospital i said ok sounds fucked up i mean i didn’t say that bc i was too fucked up to even speak, she also gave my mom instructions to keep me in my room, to not go near me, to give me a designated bathroom, to have food and water delivered to my door, my mom was like u dont gotta tell me twice (she has lupus) during this time my cough become dry and horrible, i could feel my lungs rattle, i would cough so hard and for so long i’d wake from my feverish coma to kneel over my bed and just let loose on the world, it felt like i was drowning, i couldn’t get enough air everything hurt, everything was sore 

3) things continued on like this for 5 straight days, i was literally in and out of consciousness, my fever got up to 102 and my mom said that if it raised at all from there we were going to the fuckin hospital and i was like listen la rona i know u wanna take me out but i havent even ever eaten a krispy kreme donut, please let me survive this i can’t leave this way, in that moment i literally had a fever dream of god herself, i said take this from me and i’ll stop being such a cunt in life. i started slamming hot toddy’s, i’d drink as much water as possible in between the time i wasnt literally trying to expel my lungs by way of my mouth

4) woke up from that whole ordeal drenched in SWEAT from my feet to my head i was soaked, it was gross, at that point i still had a sense of smell so let me tell you my last and final symptom should have kicked in a bit earlier but i checked my temp and it was normal! i didn’t feel like my head was going to explode! but i had new things going on i had a new stuffy/runny nose, my cough was producing some liquid which i proceeded to throw up into a mcdonalds cup i took a shower, i brushed my teeth, i felt like a brand new woman, i had cold like symptoms but i can live with cold like symptoms, i had an appetite for the first time in a week, felt like i could eat my whole family out of house and home given the opportunity, i’d lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks and ya girl was honestly, looking good but THAT’S A BAD WAY OF THINKING disregard please thank you, at this point i went into my doctor with a full on mask, gloves, hair pulled back, she gave me every test you can think of, most importantly a flu test which is all she could do since getting a test was impossible at this pint, which of course came back negative 

5) things continued like this for weeks, up until right now actually, exhaustion was gone, fever gone, cough still here and there but not like how it was, i’ve put on makeup in my room, i’ve watched every season of law and order svu, i’ve gone on drives in my car just to drive, i’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, 3 days ago the strangest, most inexplicable and hopefully last symptom arrived, a complete loss of smell and bc of that taste, i’ve tried smelling candles, essential oils, laundry detergent, canned meat, my brother lit a match with my back turned and asked me what the smell was, i ate extra hot cheetos, raw onions, shot of vinegar, there’s nothing there, i just hope it comes back 

during this time i haven’t been even close to my mother, who has lupus or my sister, who has asthma, i stayed in my room, i’m still in my room actually 14 full days out from the last time i left the house, one month since this whole thing started, i eat in my room, i use a different bathroom than my whole family, everyone talks to me from my door frame besides my little brother who also was sick but recovered super fast, he bleaches the bathroom after i use it, he puts all my food on single use plates, he brings me jugs of water and reminds me of what it’s like to at least talk to another person. 

on a more serious note, i haven’t touched another person in 20 days nobody has even been within 6 feet of me besides my doctor who was administering the only tests she could administer, fully decked out in a hazmat suit, she was scared for me, i could tell, she was trying to put on a brave face and downplay the severity of my symptoms but thank god for her, she’s checked up on me, she’s tried everything, she’s put in calls, she’s made herself as available as possible even though she’s probably going through the same thing with countless other patients, i worry for her, i’ve worried for my family, i’ve stressed beyond the point of no return which has for sure slowed my recovery and i was one of the lucky ones! all of this and my case was considered mild because i never really had trouble breathing beyond being choked by my own coughing. 

people have been there for me during all of this, in ways that are further reaching than touch, i have been very vocal about not liking when people touch me but i do look forward to the day i can hug my mom, where i can tell my friend to take a sip of my drink to see if she likes it, to have someone pat me on the shoulder and tell me to keep my head up or whatever 

hopefully im on the other side of this, my more at risk family members are about to be 14 days from the last time any of them were near me or my brother, they’re at the end of a long tunnel and i’m just so happy that maybe soon we’ll all see the light 

take care of yourselves

[artificialqueens]

Powerless Part 5 (Branjie)- athena2

A/N: This chapter focuses on Vanjie interrogating Frost. Thank you to everyone that has read and left feedback, I really appreciate it. Also,  thank you so much to @youre-a-kite for your amazing beta skills. Hope you like this one, and I love and appreciate any comments and feedback you have

Frost forces her eyes open, an unfamiliar ceiling above her. Her mind works slowly, listing facts as she pieces together her surroundings. She’s on a decently comfortable couch. The area above her right hip throbs in pain. Her mask is still on; she can feel the spandex around her eyes, but her suit is gone. She had gotten shot saving Vanj– a flame lights up near her face.

“We need to talk.” A voice like a motor roars next to her.

She blinks sluggishly, and Vanjie comes into focus beside the couch, left hand alight with flame that is gently warming Frost’s face, feeling more cozy than Vanjie probably intends.

“You got two choices here, Frosty,” Vanjie begins threateningly. “One, I use my powers on you until you talk. Two, you talk to me and you don’t need to get hurt. If you think there’s another option, there’s not. You move, you’re about to get real toasty.” She brings the flame closer to Frost’s face, and the soothing warmth grows to a burning heat.

“I…” Sweat trickles down her face and she backs into the corner of the couch before she roasts. She doesn’t want to be burned alive, and she can’t beat Vanjie with the shooting pain in her side. “I’ll talk. Please don’t hurt me,” she cedes quietly.

Vanjie extinguishes the flame and she sighs in relief, causing something to twinge just under her rib cage. She tentatively lowers a hand to her right side and feels a bandage through the shirt she’s wearing, which, she registers with a jolt, must be Vanjie’s. “Did you, um…” she gestures to her side.

“I stitched you up,” Vanjie answers casually.

“Like, with a needle and everything?” She grimaces. Thank god she was unconscious for Vanjie playing doctor. But then that means–her heart thunders in her chest–Vanjie saw her without her clothes on. Vanjie saw all her scars and bruises, and she feels raw and exposed, like Vanjie just took a peek into her soul, but that’s not her main concern. No, for some reason, her main concern is if Vanjie liked what she saw. Jesus. Why is she thinking about that?

“Yeah, why–wait a minute.” Vanjie grins, and Frost knows she saw her face. “Are you afraid of needles? You are, aren’t you? So you’re a supervillain, but you’re afraid of a little needle?” She laughs, but it’s not the cackling sort of snicker she does when they fight. It’s soft and playful, sweetly amused.

“Needles are unnatural and they hurt like a bitch,” Frost defends herself.

“Okay, you right. I just don’t believe it. Afraid of needles. It’s actually kinda cute,” she muses.

Cute? Did Vanjie just call her cute? “Well, thank you. For the stitches, I mean,” she says awkwardly.

“No problem. Can’t have a bullet taking you out when that’s my job,” Vanjie waves her off. “You know, you’re pretty polite for an evil bitch,” she remarks.

“And you yell a lot for a hero,” Frost observes.

A smile dashes across Vanjie’s face, gone just as soon as it came, a brief moment of sun passing through a storm. “Anyway, let’s start my interrogation. Why’d you save that kid from the streetlight?”

Fuck. She went for it right out of the gate. Frost’s mind races as she tries to form an explanation for what she did. “She–her hair. It reminded me of someone. Someone I think was my friend once.”

“Someone you think was your friend?” Vanjie repeats. “But you don’t know?”

“I…I don’t remember anything from before I got my powers. There was a storm, and a plane crash, and then I woke up in the lab.”

“Oh. That must have been awful,” Vanjie murmurs softly.

Frost is silent. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it.

“Mine was a fire,” Vanjie says so quietly that Frost wouldn’t be able to hear her if she didn’t have super-hearing. “Some chemical corporation exploded and the fire got my apartment. I passed out from the smoke and woke up in a pile of ash. Everything was gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Frost whispers, and she means it.

Vanjie stares at the floor like she wants to burn a hole in it. She gives herself a shake. “It’s whatever. I want more answers. What did you do that night in Memstar Labs, when you were bleeding?”

“No one knows this, but they did have a sample of the drug. I-I dropped it by mistake. I cut my hand on the glass, and I put ice over the mess so no one would know,” she says quickly, holding her breath after the lie.

Vanjie shoots her a pointed glare that chills her insides. “You really think I believe that? I’ve been fighting you for months. There’s no way you dropped something.” Vanjie pauses and exhales sharply, a fire-breathing dragon in red spandex. “Tell me what really happened.”

Frost sighs. “My orders were to take the drug formula back to the lab, but then I saw the sample and I-I wanted to take it for myself. I was having nightmares of my old life, and I was mad that I couldn’t remember anything, and I just…I thought it could help me. I knew I couldn’t take it, because I’d be disobeying orders, but I wanted it, and then I squeezed it too hard and it shattered in my hand. That’s why I was bleeding. The lab didn’t know they had a sample, so I froze it to hide what I did. I brought them the formula and told them I cut my hand on the glass doors.” She doesn’t mean to, but she tells Vanjie the whole story, even the lie she told the lab. There’s something about her that seems trustworthy, like she understands. Maybe the fact that they’ve both suffered and have somehow ended up here, in lives they never asked for, without really meaning to.

Vanjie takes the story in silence, then grins. “Now we’re talking. So, this lab. That’s who you work for, right? I want to know about them.”

No no no. How could she have been stupid enough to mention it? She can’t talk about the lab, she’ll be in so much trouble. “I can’t talk about it. What else do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything but that,” she tries weakly.

“I want to know about the lab,” Vanjie insists, but it’s not harsh. It’s more like she’s genuinely curious.

“I don’t know anything. There’s a bunch of doctors and scientists. This one guy called The General runs everything. I don’t know anything else, I swear.”

“Okay, let’s say I believe you. Can you at least tell me what they do there?”

“They help people. People like me, that have powers or need to forget things. They take care of us. None of can go back to our old lives or have normal lives with what we’ve been through. They keep us safe.”

“Why do you need to forget things? If they help you so much, why don’t they help you remember what happened?” Vanjie’s starting to get suspicious, that smile she’d had earlier melting away like ice cream in the sun, twisting into a frown, a worried crease forming between her eyebrows.

She’s asking too many questions. I can’t tell her about the lab. I’m bad I’m bad I’m bad–

“Hey, breathe, girl. Calm down. It’s okay,” Vanjie’s voice is surprisingly soft, like velvet, and Frost realizes she’s panting harshly, fighting for every last bit of oxygen in the room, whole body trembling. She takes some slow breaths, pointedly avoiding Vanjie’s concerned look.

“Why are you bad?” Vanjie asks, and then Frost knows she was speaking out loud. Shit.

“I-I ca-can’t…”

“Are you bad if you tell me what goes on there?”

Frost nods.

“So, you’re bad if you give up information…are you bad if you remember too? Is that why you said the lab helps you forget things?” Vanjie catches on quickly.

Frost can’t speak. She can’t breathe. Vanjie has sucked all the air out of her lungs.

Vanjie takes her silence as an answer. “Why aren’t you supposed to remember?”

“It’s b-bad.”

“But why?” She seems truly confused.

Frost takes in a shaky breath and regains her voice. “They said it would make me sick to remember. When I woke up there, they said I was hurt really bad and I almost died, but they were going to fix me and give me medicine to help me forget what happened. They said I’d be safer if I didn’t know. That I could help them that way.”

“They’re drugging you,” Vanjie whispers, hand going to her mouth.

“No, it’s not like that! It’s just medicine. To keep me stable. It makes me feel better when I get it. It helps me. Please, you have to believe me, they saved me…” she gasps for air again, and her eyes are wet. No, she can’t cry. She should’ve never started talking in the first place. Now the lab won’t keep her safe and she might remember and then she’ll be bad–

“Oh my god, this is–this is so fucked up.” Vanjie strides into the kitchen, muttering under her breath.

She’s in so much trouble. They’ll never take her back now. Vanjie will run and tell her little friends and the lab will know she snitched and it’ll be beyond punishment. They will abandon her. Unless– there’s only one option. The information can’t get out. She has to kill Vanjie.

She rises slowly from the couch, hand clutching at her side, thumb running along the edge of the bandage. How can she kill the person who took the time to patch her up? Who had the chance to kill her a hundred times over today and didn’t?

She sits back down, head swimming. She can’t do it.

Vanjie comes back to the couch, phone in hand. “Hey, listen,” she begins in a low voice, “I’m gonna call some people I work with. I just want them to come talk to you. They’re not doctors, I promise. Is that okay?”

Frost knows she doesn’t have a choice, but she appreciates Vanjie asking all the same. It’s been a long time since anyone’s asked what she wanted. She nods, then struggles to think of an escape while Vanjie whispers on the phone. She returns with a glass of water and a pill. “It’s just Tylenol, I swear. Your side must hurt.”

She gratefully swallows the pill, another act of kindness from a woman who owes her nothing. Another reason she can’t kill Vanjie.

“Can I ask you one more question?”

Frost nods, no fight left in her. There’s nothing Vanjie can ask her that matters anymore. She’s never done anything this bad before. She can’t bring herself to kill Vanjie, and now her friends are coming. She has to stay and talk to them, and then she either has to kill them all or run away before the lab finds out what she’s done.

“Why did you save me?” Vanjie twirls her light brown hair around her finger while she waits for the answer.

Because I watched you help a little boy tie his shoes the other day and I think you’re a good person. Because I want to see you smile when I call you names. Because I hope that, even if you’re not now, you’ll be happy someday. Because seeing you every night is the only thing I look forward to.

“You didn’t deserve to die like that,” she answers finally.

She closes her eyes and Vanjie takes the hint and leaves her alone.

It’s 9:30 when Vanjie’s two friends arrive. One is named A’Keria, and the other one goes by Silk. A’Keria seems nice, but Frost tells herself to stop liking either of them. She really needs to stop liking Vanjie too. Because they think the lab is hurting her, but it’s not, and she’ll have to kill the three of them to keep the lab safe. Her hands are sweating and a sick feeling gnaws at her stomach. Can she even take on the three of them when she got shot barely seven hours ago? How can she just kill three people? But what will the lab do to her if their information gets out? Maybe she’ll let Vanjie kill her, just avoid all the trouble.

Everyone looks at her, but she can’t speak, the words dying on their way up her throat.

“So, she works for this lab,” Vanjie takes over. “They drug her and make her forget stuff. They tell her it’s medicine. She doesn’t even know they’re doing it to her.”

“What do you mean, I don’t know what they’re doing to me? They’re not drugging me! The lab saved me!” She doesn’t mean to scream, doesn’t think she’s ever been so loud.

It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t. And yet. She thinks of waking up in the lab with bruises from IV tubes she didn’t remember being inserted, with scars she didn’t think she had before. How she was afraid to sleep and have a nightmare because she didn’t want to get in trouble. When she was first at the lab and got scared and cried, and they told her crying was bad–No! They had saved her from the plane crash, helped her control her powers. She had to protect them. Vanjie was lying.

“Fuck the lab, girl!” Vanjie shoots back. “They’re the reason you’re so messed up in the first place! They ‘saved’ you, okay, but they’ve been drugging you into the next century on purpose, and you don’t even know it! They’re not helping you, they’re making you their slave!”

She jumps off the couch, ignoring the stabbing pain in her side. “You’re lying! I don’t believe you! I don’t know how I thought I could trust you!” Her shoulders heave, and ice forms along her hands and creeps up her arms.

“Frost, please listen to me.” Vanjie’s voice is quiet, a lightly flickering candle flame, and the ice begins to melt.

Vanjie stands firm in front of her. She delicately peels her black eye mask away and Frost sees her whole face for the first time. It’s more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. Frost could see most of her face with the mask on, but it was like seeing an unfinished canvas. Now, the painting is finished, the masterpiece unveiled, and Frost gets to experience it for the first time. Her cheeks are soft, her lips inviting. Her skin is smooth as caramel and probably just as sweet. Her eyes are bright and warm, a fire burning strong with compassion, much brighter than they look when rimmed in black spandex. And Frost trusts those eyes. God help her, she does. There’s no way she can kill this woman.

“Frost, my name is Vanessa. Vanessa Mateo. And I’m not lying to you. You can trust me, I promise.”

[kpoptart216]

Path That Lead to You (Namjoon x Reader oneshot)

Genre: fluff and angst (mostly fluff tho)

A/n: this is for my friend in Korea who inspired me to write this. This is for you, my childhood friend 💕 This is quite long and I do have the “keep reading” button added, but sorry if you’re on mobile~ Please let me know what you think! Should I do more oneshots????

Word Count: 8.8k IM SORRY ITS SO LONG

“Oppa! I can’t beliebe you’re going to be in (Y/C/N) for the tour!” Sooji yells across the phone to Namjoon.

“Calm down you brat, what’s got you so exited about that city?” Namjoon sighs as he prepares for his little sisters speech.

“It’s like you never remember anything I tell you! Remember I told you Y/n lives in that city!” She continues, slightly annoyed that her brother hadn’t paid attention before.

“Who’s Y/n..?” He asks, now genuinely confused. He can hear his sister gasp on the other end of the line.

“How can you forget you overgrown loaf of bread?!” Sooji all but yells. “Our friend from when we lived in the states you idiot! Y/n!!” She continues.

Oh. That Y/n.

Namjoon and his family had briefly lived in the states before moving back to Korea permanently. He was only there for about a year and he remembered his younger sister always with this one other girl from her class.

She was probably only 5 when they met, which made him 7 at the time. While his sister had claimed that she had found her “best friend for life” way back then, Namjoon swore he had found an enemy. He remembered always bickering with the girl, especially since she just always seemed to be around.

Namjoon usually kept to himself but Y/n found a way to crawl under his skin. But in a way, she became like a second sister he never wanted. Hell he didn’t even want the first one.

But sooner or later, Y/n had moved to a different neighborhood and his own family had made the decision to move back to Korea. He even remembers the tearful goodbye his sister had with Y/n on their last day. And well, that was the last time he really saw or heard from her.

Good riddance

“Ok and so what do you want me to do about it?” Namjoon sighs. It was late at night and he just wanted to sleep.

“Well, I may or may not have promised her VIP tickets...so cough em’ up” his sister demands.

“You did WHAT?” Namjoon asks angrily. “I told you to stop doing that! We’re not toys for you to showcase Sooji! I’m in no mood to meet your annoying friend let alone have her meet the boys” Namjoon continues.

“Can’t you do it just this once? It’s just one night? Please? She’s an important friend of mine oppa, pleaseeee?” Sooji pleads, knowing her brother can never really say no.

“Ugh why are you like this? I’m telling mom. Just this once, you understand me? No more. I’ll send you the details tomorrow I guess” Namjoon sighs, already regretting his decision. But what was he gonna say? No?

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Sooji squeals before hanging up.

“That brat...” Namjoon sighs as he finally heads to bed.

(4 months later)

You can’t believe the day is already here. 4 months ago, your best friend from Korea had told you that she had scored you tickets to see her brother and band mates perform in your city. Not just regular tickets either, VIP tickets too.

For some reason, you were really anxious. You felt really out of place at the venue when everyone else seemed right in place. All the fans were signing and dancing along to the BTA songs while you just shifted awkwardly in place.

It’s not that you didn’t listen to BTS, you actually really enjoyed their music. But that was about it. You never really followed what else they did apart from what Sooji had told you.

She told you all about her brothers accomplishments and you were pretty proud of them yourself. You remember always fighting with Namjoon as a kid but you both have matured since then...right? He always kept to himself and even at that young age, he would be messing around with various beats and tunes on his tiny keyboard his parents had bought him.

In all honesty, you weren’t surprised by all he had accomplished. You knew from a young age that he was smart, dedicated, and extremely talented. You always smiled when you saw new about BTS in the states.

So you were extremely nervous to see him again after 17 years. What were you even going to say?

By some miracle, you were let in an even managed to make to the barricade for the concert. You just simply stood there, watching in awe as fans filed in one by one and army bombs started the light up and fill the stadium.

And before you knew it, the show started.

Namjoon smiled as he could hear the fan chants from under the stage. In a few seconds, he’d be standing on stage with his brothers performing. And he never got tired of it.

The second they emerged on stage, the entire venue filled with cheers that it was almost deafening.

He felt so energized and he loved every second he stood on stage.

“Welcome to the love yourself tour!! Nice to meet you guys, I’m RM” he says, winking at the camera causing another eruption of cheers.

He just couldn’t wait to walk down the stage and see as many faces in the crowd as he could. So that’s exactly what he did. Namjoon took the lead as he walked down the stage and took his time as he looked at as many faces in the crowd he could.

As he scanned the crowd, his eyes met with a pair of doe eyes that almost resembled Junkook’s. The girl wasn’t exactly a screaming mess like the others. She simply smiled at Namjoon and a pang of familiarity struck Namjoon’s heart. Whoever she was, she was absolutely beautiful. Her long hair flowed down in soft curls and framed her face well. She had on simple makeup and rocked a simple outfit of skinny jeans, converse, and a simple long sleeve shirt.

Damn, she’s gorgeous

He makes a mental note to at least casually shake her hand sometime during the concert.

You couldn’t believe that you had made eye contact with him after all these years. You of course knew who he was, but he didn’t seem to recognize you. As he passed you, you suddenly got thrusted forward and your hand hit the metal barricade. You winced in pain, and decided that it was best to move to the back of the pit to avoid getting hurt further.

Namjoon was slightly disappointed when he couldn’t find the girl in the crowd again, but he forgot about it quickly when he interacted with other fans and had fun on stage with his members.

Before he knew it, the concert was over and he was already saying goodbye. He absolutely loved the energy tonight and he already couldn’t wait to perform the following night and night after!

As the boys took some pictures backstage and got a little cooled down, namjoons phone beeped.

Sooji: “did you see Y/n yet?? Did you did you??”

Oh, that’s right. He totally forgot he was supposed to meet you today. He knew that you were to meet him backstage after the concert ended, so it would be anytime soon.

“Guys, my little sisters best friend is supposed to come and meet us today. I think I told you guys before... anyways she should be here sometime soon. Hopefully she won’t take too much of our time ugh” Namjoon announces and as of right on cue, all the boys hear a knock on the door.

One of the staff enters “you guys have a visitor” the man announces. “You can come in, don’t be shy!” He says to whoever was out the door.

Namjoon eyes the door until a familiar figure walks through the door with her head down. It was that girl from before! Namjoon furrows his eyebrows in confusion till it finally hits him...

“Y/n...?” He asks slowly. Your head whips up at the name, looking directly at Namjoon again for the second time that night. There was that pang I’d familiarity again. Now it made sense...it was you. That’s why his heart was racing a million miles per second right now.. right?

“Uhm..hey there Joon” you say, using the name you called him as a kid.

Namjoon just smiles at you, not believing that you were actually standing here now. You had grown up to become a beautiful woman and honestly, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You were just so...alluring.

So he really couldn’t help what he did next. He takes quick strides over to you and gives you a nice big bear hug, causing you to gasp with your eyes widened. “It’s nice to see you, kiddo” he says

KIDDO? REALLY IDIOT? You couldn’t have used a better word?! KIDDO? Namjoon berates himself internally for his poor word choice

“It’s nice to see you too...” you say slowly, finally hugging him back.

“Hey no fair I want hugs too!” Taehyung says as he practically rips Namjoon off of you and hugs your tiny frame. “I’m Taehyung! But you can call me Tae!” He says still hugging you. He begins jumping around, causing you to giggle.

God Namjoon loved the sound of that.

Soon enough, the rest of the boys introduce themselves and invite you to sit down and talk with them.

Namjoon watches as you talk with all his member as if you guys had known each other before and he smiles how easily you got along with them. But he also notices how you keep pulling at your sleeve and rubbing at your left wrist.

“Hey not to interrupt you guys but Y/n is your wrist ok?” Namjoon asks.

“Oh uh, it’s nothing big” you say, trying to change the subject. But Jin, who was sitting the closest to you, had pulled your arm out, causing you to wince. He slowly rolled up your sleeve, only to find that your wrist was quite swollen and red.

“What happened?!” He said loudly, reminding you of your mother.

“Uh, I just hit the barricade earlier, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing a little ice and Tylenol won’t fix” you say, pulling your hand back to your side, embarrass by how much attention was on you now.

Namjoon simply got up and got some things out of the medical kit before he made his way back to you.

“I think my sister would kill me if she found out I let you leave without doing anything about it. And I’m pretty sure you were pushed so I feel slightly responsible” he says as he sits on the table right in front of you. He grabs your wrist slowly and starts to bandage up your hand.

“Thank you..” you say, taken aback by how kind he was being.

“Don’t mention it. Actually no, mention it to my sister and tell her how great I’m treating you” He Jokes.

“Yeah I’ll be sure to tell her. I’ll also be sure to tell her about your cringey pun at the end of the concert” you joke back.

“Don’t remind me!” He says, more embarrassed now then when he had said it.

But it made you giggle again and Namjoon knew that the pun was in fact worth it.

The rest of the boys had sensed the atmosphere around you two and excused themselves so that you two could catch up.

And while Namjoon wanted to continue talking to you, he knew that it was getting late.

“Hey, since this is your city and all, how about you show me around tomorrow? Unless your busy tomorrow then don’t worry about it.. or we could just get some coffee or something if you have time..” Namjoon rambled.

“I’d love to!” You say excitedly. “We can definitely do both, I’m free tomorrow” you say smiling, causing Namjoon to smile back.

“Perfect! I’ll see you tomorrow, kiddo” he says, causing him to internally wince again.

“Good night, Joon” you say with a smile, making your exit.

The following morning, you and Namjoon made plans to hopefully explore the city with minimal to no attention if you were lucky. You weren’t really sure about all the logistics but you were excited for the adventure nonetheless. Fortunately for the both of you, you had a car. Namjoon had already done some research on what he wanted to see. “You’re honestly just going to be my driver for the day” he jokes.

Namjoon made sure to sleep early and wake up early in preparation for his day ahead. He was oddly excited about seeing you again, and when he told Sooji about their plans he could only hear squealing on the phone.

You had texted him once you were parked right in front of the hotel lobby and pretty soon, you saw a y’all figure walk out the hotel with mask covering his mouth his nose and a hay to cover up his warm eyes. You always admired his sense of fashion, and it was even nicer now that he was dressed casually.

As he finally saw your car, he walked as quickly as he could to your car and quickly got in. “Drive!” He says laughing. “Fast fast we gotta get out of here” He says. You quickly put the car in drive and sped on out, not really knowing why you were being rushed.

“Why?! What happened?!” You asked the second you turned out of the hotel.

“I may not have told management about leaving with you today” he said innocently, laughing a little.

“you WHAT?” You ask, almost having the urge to turn around and drop him off.

“They wouldn’t have approved! Plus we’ll be back in time for the concert. Dont worry about it!” He says, taking off his hat.

You couldn’t really do much at this point. So you kept driving.

You and Namjoon had ended up visiting a lot of your local favorite places, including a small park, farmers market, and bakery.

At the end, you ended up at your favorite coffee shop and you ordered coffee for the both of you while you and Namjoon situated himself in the sofa of the corner of the empty cafe. The cafe was quaint and one of your favorite places in the whole city.

Namjoon smiled as you placed a cup in front of him and sat next to him on the small couch.

“This coffee is amazing. And the this shop is quite my aesthetic, I love it” He says as he takes another sip of his coffee.

“So how’d you like my city?” You ask, turning to face Namjoon as he does the same. You rest your head on the side of the couch as you get comfortable.

Namjoon also does the same, following you. “I love it here. When did you end up moving?” He asks.

“I moved here about 8 years ago for my dads job” you say. “I ended up going to university here too” you say, smiling fondly at the memories.

“And well, what do you do now?” He asks.

“I work as an interpreter,” you say, proudly. Your love for languages had always played a big role in your life and you owed a lot of it to Sooji if you were being honest.

“Oh no way! For which languages?” He asks

“Well as of now, I can translate for French, Italian, and...Korean actually” you say, nervously.

“Korean?” Namjoon asks, shocked.

“Well Sooji always made such a great effort to learn English while she was here and even after she moved back to able to talk to me and I guess I started off by wanting to return the favor, but I ended up falling in love with the language and learning about it” you say. Namjoon doesn’t miss the way your eyes twinkle like the twinkle lights hung around the cafe.

“I had no idea. That’s great, really” he says.

And soon enough, you both caught up on everything you had missed over the last 17 years.

“I just find it hard to believe that we’re here, right now, in this moment” Namjoon admits.

“Shouldn’t I be the one to say that?” you ask. “You get to travel the world all the time, why are you so surprised” 

“No, I mean with you. I never imagined I’d get to see you again. Sooji pretty much forced me to give you tickets, but I’m really glad she did” he says shyly, causing your cheeks to burn slightly.

“I’m glad I got to see you perform too. But I guess I always knew you’d end up doing it one day or another” you say, smiling.

“why’s that?” he asks, confused. 

“Oh come on! You were always so interested in music when we were young. You were always with that keyboard your parents bought you and were already writing lyrics at that age, of course you were going to grow up and pursue music, I had no doubt” you say.

“You remember all of that?” he asks, surprised.

“Yeah.. I do” you say, smiling. 

Time seemed to fly by that day and so it was already time to go drop Namjoon back off. His phone was bombarded with calls and texts from his members and managers, but he chose to ignore them all. “I’ll be safe and back on time” was the only thing he said when Jin had called.

Namjoon felt reluctant to get out of your car though when they were finally back at the hotel. He honestly just wanted to spend more time with you. Would it be too much to ask you for your time tomorrow as well?

“I uh.. Thanks for showing me around, Y/n. I had a really good time” he says, turning to face you. 

“I did too, Joon. Thanks for catching up your sister’s annoying friend” you say, half joking. 

“You’re no longer annoying, congrats” he jokes, causing the both of you to laugh. 

“uhm, keep in touch yeah? We should definitely meet up again if we’re ever in the same city” he says again, more serious. 

“I’d love that. Good luck at the concert today, they’re going to love you” you say, not really wanting him to leave. 

“Bye, Y/n-yah” he says, ruffling your hair before getting out of the car. 

Really? First Kiddo and now ruffling her hair? This is sad Namjoon-ah Namjoon thinks as he enters the hotel, ready to face the wrath of his managers.

After the managers had all taken turns yelling at Namjoon, the concert started and ended in a flash. Namjoon didn’t really care though. He just stared at his phone, hoping you had texted him. But sadly you didn’t. 

“Guys, we have bad news. Earlier at the concert, one of the fans had accidently pushed our translator for the show and he ended up breaking his leg. He can’t travel with us. Where are we going to find someone by tomorrow for the rest of the tour?” one manager says out loud in the room backstage. 

Namjoon looks up and thanks the stars for this strange occurence. “I think I know someone” Namjoon smiles. He pulls up his phone and texts you. 

Namjoon: How do you feel about new job?

“Wait so you’re saying you need a translator? for the rest of the tour? and you want me??” you say over the phone, not able to believe Namjoon.

“Yup! you were telling me earlier you wanted to travel! Now is your opportunity! Plus, Sooji will never let me live if I didn’t tell you about this opportunity first. Pkus... I kinda want you here too” he admits. It was crazy how much he had taken to liking you over just a day.

“Y-yes” you say, before you could really think this through. “Yes!! I’d love to!” you squeal. 

“Perfect! Meet us at the hotel tomorrow then and we’ll give you an orientation of sorts” he says, excited already.

At first you thought namjoon was joking when he offered you a job. But here you were, two weeks later, working right alongside him. It was the most fun you have ever had and you got to live out your dreams of traveling. 

Not to mention the amazing friends you’ve made too. You became quick friends with all the boys, but your friendship with Namjoon blossomed more too. Something about the way he smiled made your heart race a little more than it should. You knew you were catching feelings fast, but honestly, who could help it?

You got to go wherever the boys went for their schedule, which meant you got to experience everything they did. You honestly weren’t even needed that much since Namjoon spoke English so well. That just meant you got to sit down and experience the boys live out their dreams. 

Namjoon was so glad he made the decision to reach out to you about the job because since then, you two have practically been inseperable. He silently thanked his little sister for the opportunity to meet you again because now he couldn’t even imagine the tour without you. 

You both got to explore each city and learn to your hearts content and much to his annoyance, some of the boys usually tagged along. You didn’t seem to mind though. He honestly just wanted to kind of keep you to himself. 

It was one fateful night after about 3 weeks till he finally got you alone. He had invited you to dinner at one of the restaurants he had searched up online. All the other boys opted for seafood and both of you had made a face at the suggestion, so you both agreed to get something else. 

Fortunately, the restaurant was small and cozy, which reminded you a lot of the cafe back home. It was even near the hotel so you both opted to walk despite the drizzling. You both ordered some food, matching your mood for the rainy weather outside. 

“Thanks for coming along with me, though I don’t know if i’m as fun as the rest of the guys” Namjoon says hesitantly. 

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. You’re great company and you know it” you admit. 

Maybe it was the lighting in the room but you swore you thought you saw him blush for a second. 

“This kind of reminds me of the cafe you took me to!” Namjoon says, trying to change the subject. 

“I was just thinking that too. It’s nice, I like it” you say as the waiter comes back with your food. 

You both converse as you eat to your hearts content. Namjoon pays up and suggests you head back to the hotel before the weather gets any worse. The weather felt nice though, even if you were getting slightly wet. You had the urge to skip all the way back to the hotel, but you decided against it.

Namjoon offered to walk you back to your room, even if it only a floor below yours. But he insisted, claiming the walk could be dangerous. You don’t argue it though, because that just meant more time with him. 

Once you got off the elevator, you made your way to your room which was at the end of the hallway. You fidgeted awkwardly as you tried to find your room card in your purse. 

“Thanks for dinner” you say, finally pulling out the card. “are you going to sleep soon?” you ask. 

“Nah, I think I might do a V-live for the fans. Then I’ll probably call my family” he says. 

“Oh! Tell your sister I said hi! Your parents too!” You say excitedly. 

“Will do” he says, smiling. 

“Uh, good night, Joon” you say, affectionately. 

“Good night, Y/n” he says, smiling. 

You hesitantly go into your room before closing the door. You weren’t really sure what you were expecting, but you were sad that the night ended so soon. 

You walk towards your bed, about to throw your jacket on the bed when you heard the frantic knock on the door. Thinking something bad happened, you rushed to the door and opened it before even checking who was outside. 

Much to your surprise, it was Namjoon again. 

“What happ-” you started only to be interrupted by his soft lips on top of your own. You gasped slightly in shock, but you grasped on to the slightly damp sweatshirt he had been wearing. You close your eyes and revel in the kiss, melting as each second went by. His hands held onto your waist as you wrapped your hand around his neck, deepening the kiss. 

You don’t really know who pulled away first, but you both needed to pull away for some oxygen. He rested his forhead on top of yours while you both took a moment to catch your breath. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment I laid eyes on you at the concert, Y/n” he says, smiling. 

“Then what took so long” you ask, giggling. 

The kind of romance you were currently living was one you only read in books. You were dating one of the most sought after artists in the whole world, and yet no one knew other than the both of you. 

You stole glances in eachothers directions whenever no one was looking. Secret kisses when no one else was in the room. Dates literally all over the world. 

You were surprised that you never got caught, especially when the whole world had their eyes on the boys. 

It kind of stung during whenever Namjoon claimed he wasn’t dating anyone during interviews. It was worse when you actually had to translate that yourself. Namjoon didn’t miss the way your smile slowly faded when he says those words. 

But it doesn’t take much time before he’s assuring you that you’re the only one for him when he sneaks into your room later that night. 

Most days you were on cloud nine. In fact, there was dread in the pit of your stomach when you thought about how this would all end. It was one thing to be touring with the boys and getting to spend all your time with them but what happens when the tour ends? When you have to go back home and part ways with them?

It was something both you and Namjoon avoided talking about in fear of ruining what you both had. But as each day passed, you got more and more worried. There was only one more month of the tour left. 

So you mustered up all the courage you had and brought up the topic one night when you two were alone in your room. 

“I’ve thought a lot about it too Y/n” Namjoon admits. “I was wondering how to bring it up myself” he says shyly/ 

“Well, what are our options really?” you ask. 

“Well.. there’s two ways we can go about this I guess. One... we can part ways at the end of the tour. Keep our time together locked away in our memories. Or... you could move to Korea....” he says with a small voice. 

And in all honesty, those really were your only two options. There’s no way that Namjoon could move anywhere for you considering his career. 

“What about long distance?” you say half-heartedly knowing full well you were not strong enough for that kind of a relationship. 

“I don’t think I could do that. I mean dating me would already feel like a long distance relationship anyways considering how much time I spend for work. But spending all the time with you now like this and then having to resort to just seeing eachother on a screen would be unbearable for me..” he says. 

“I couldn’t agree more” you say as you play with his hair. 

“Just think about it ok? I know what I’m asking of you is a lot. And I’ll completely understand if you don’t want to move for me. But.. I really want to keep seeing you.” Namjoon says. 

“Give me some time. There’s a lot to consider” you say carefully. 

You had pretty much made up your mind when Joon had asked you. Over the course of the last couple of months traveling with him, you fell in love with him. Sure, you hadn’t said those words to each other yet, but you pretty much thought he felt the same way about you. Why else would he ask you to move to Korea for him?

The best part was that you would already have a job lined up if you ended up moving. Sooji had practically begged you to move to Korea when she first heart you were studying to be a translator and though you didn’t really have any plans to do so, you had found a few jobs right in Seoul. You had passed a few interviews over skype and when you reached out to a few of the companies after Namjoon had asked you to move, a few were still willing to hire you. 

It was honestly a pretty easy decision on your part, and you now you just wanted to find a special way to tell Namjoon. You were just too excited to start this new chapter of your life. 

Namjoon was anxious to hear your answer as soon as he had asked you. Though he knew it was a big decision and required time to think through all the logistics, he couldn’t help but want to hear your answer as soon as possible. 

The days following asking you was a real struggle for him. You hadn’t given him any sort of indication that you had made a decision and his nerves were starting to eat at him. Were you going to say no?

As if that wasn’t bad enough, his days were incredibly frustrating and tiring as well. Things just weren’t going his way. Interviewers were asking him the same questions during each and every interview. He messed up his choreography during one of the performances at the concert which earned him a scolding from Hoseok. He spilled food on some of his favorite clothes. Fans swarmed the boys when they were leaving an interview. Overall, it was just a really rough couple of days. 

What made it worse was that he didn’t really have much time to see you either. Due to some mishap, he ended up sharing a room with Jimin and that meant he couldn’t sneak out of his room without being asked questions. 

Thankfully, the boys got quite a big room, but that only meant all the other boys chose to hang out there that night to eat dinner together. But to Namjoon, there was still some silver lining since now was probably a good time to tell the boys that he was dating you and that there was a chance you might move to Korea to be with him as well. 

What he didn’t know however was that the boys already knew. They weren’t blind afterall. They chose not to say anything to their leader since they wanted to respect his privacy, but that didn’t stop them from congratulating you when they had caught you alone a few weeks ago. You were a blushing mess, but they made you promise not to tell Namjoon that they knew so that they could make fun of him when he finally decides to tell you guys. You felt bad, but you respected their wishes as well. In fact, you were quite glad they knew. Because tonight, you were going to tell Namjoon that you were going to move in with him and you kind of wanted the other members to record his reaction. 

As all the members filed into the room bringing their dinner as Namjoon shifted awkwardly in his seat. 

“So... I have something to tell you guys” Namjoon says as a few of the members placed a spoon full of food in their mouth. 

“What is it hyung?” asks Jimin, already knowing he’s probably going to talk about dating you. 

“I um.. I uh.. How do I say this. I uh, I’ve been dating Y/n for the last couple of months...” he says quickly. He wasn’t even sure if they understood him. He was almost scared to meet their eyes, which he felt on him, so he lifts his head slowly to find 6 pairs of eyes on him. 

“ok and?” asks Yoongi. Now everyone knew that Yoongi had a more laid back kind of vibe amongst the group, but he usually showed more emotions when it came to such bigs details like this. To say Namjoon was shocked was an understatement. 

“I uhm, just wanted to tell you guys now, so you don’t find out through someone else later...” Namjoon says almost sadly. He was genuinely shocked and saddened by the lack of a response from his members. 

“You know for someone so smart, you’re pretty dull. You must think we’re blind if you thought we didn’t know” says Jin, laughing. 

What? They knew?

“You guys knew already?” asks Namjoon. 

“Well obviously. You both had heart eyes for eachother since the night you met. And it was obvious you liked her if you snuck away from management the day after you met. Plus, your ‘secret’ glances towards each other isn’t so subtle hyung” says Jungkook as a matter of fact. 

“Plus, you’re almost never in your room at night anyways” says Hoseok. 

Namjoon was baffled. He thought he was playing it safe, but he probably really can’t hide anything from his members. They knew him too freaking well. 

You on the other hand had made your way to their hotel room which was thankfully located at the end of the hallway to a corner of the hotel. Jin had made sure to leave the door slightly open for you so that you could enter without Namjoon knowing and you had texted him letting him know that you were outside and ready to go. Now you just had to wait for the right time to go in. From the way the conversation was going, you could probably go in pretty soon. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you guys sooner. I know I always tell you all to keep me in the loop if you’re going to be seeing anyone but I just.. I just didn’t... I didn’t know what was really happening is all” he said in a blur. 

Didn’t know what was happening? What was that supposed to mean? You furrow your eyebrows in confusion as you listen in on the conversation.

“What do you mean hyung?” asks Taehyung. 

“As in, I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. Hell I’m not sure what I’m doing now either. I- I have a lot to think about right? I mean, we’re idols guys. Look at our lifestyle” Namjoon says as he points around the extravagant room. 

Your smile slowly fades as the conversation continues. What exactly was he trying to say now. 

“So what? She’s a sweet girl and practically best friends with your sister” Jin tries to ease the conversation. 

“So? Before the tour started she was just my sister’s annoying friend” Namjoon said. And honestly, that stung a little, but you understood since you both never really got along when you were kids. 

“Ok, but now she’s someone you really like right?” tries Jimin, also knowing you were probably outside now. 

“I.. I guess?” Namjoon says, confused himself. Now that he was saying these things out loud, he realized he had disregarded a lot of things. His infatuation with you had seriously clouded his judgement. He forgot all about his career and millions of fans for a fraction of a second. 

Meanwhile, the first couple of tears started to pool in your eyes. You wanted to tell Namjoon you loved him today since you thought he felt the same way for you by now, but all he could say was “I guess”? 

“Can I be honest with you guys? I really need your input now” Namjoon says, and he misses the tension in the room as he says so. But he ignores it and continues anyways. “Guys... I had asked her to move to Korea after the tour ends... And now that I’m sitting here talking to you guys, I realized I didn’t think things through. 

The first tear slipped from your eye. 

“I mean, I wasn’t even thinking about my job! Our job. Our fans. What would the company say?” Namjoon asks worriedly. 

“Hyung.. the company trusts us. You know we’re allowed to date now. And as for the fans, once you tell them I’m sure if they’re true fans they will understand and be happy for you” says Taehyung. 

“Tell the fans? Are you kidding? Why would I ever make this go public?” Namjoon scoffs. 

The second, third, fourth, and following tears fall next. 

“I’m not even sure where this relationship is going. Sure, we’re having fun now, but what is it going to be like once we’re back home? Plus, she’s never been or lived in Korea, she wouldn’t understand” Namjoon continues. 

Namjoon couldn’t help but think that perhaps he rushed things. 

“Hyung...” Jungkook starts, not really knowing what to say. “But if you really like her, then wouldn’t it all be worth it?”

“But what if it isn’t Jungkook?” Namjoon asks slowly. At that point, no one was eating and the entire room was silent. 

“I didn’t think things through you guys. I need to think about it again and talk to Y/n when I have it all figured out” he says. 

And at that point, it seemed like you really only had one choice. It was obvious that had thought too much of your relationship with Namjoon. 

You had opened the door slowly and Jin turned to see you entering with your eyes puffy from crying and rubbing at them. You looked absolutely heartbroken and he gulped at what was about to come. 

“Sorry to bring you guys down, but let’s finish out din-” Namjoon starts before he finally see’s you entering the suite. 

“Y-Y/n? What are you uh.. doing here?” he asks slowly, standing up. It only takes one glance at you for him to know that you had been crying and that you were incredibly upset. He had never seen this side of you and it made his heart drop. He instantly hated how it made him feel. 

“what’s wrong? Are you ok? Did something happen?” asks Namjoon, walking towards you in an instant with worry written all over his face. It hadn’t registered in his head that you had just heard everything he said. 

You took a step back as Namjoon got closer to you, making Namjoon freeze in his place. Never once had you backed away from him.

“Y/n what happ-” he tried again. 

“I uhm, didn’t mean to, but I heard everything you just said now. I.. I didn’t know that’s what you had thought of this whole thing” you said, trying your hardest to not cry more. 

“Y/n let me explain hhm?” he says again. 

“No, I think I understood. I um, guess I’ll make this a little easier on you then. I won’t be moving to Korea with you. And uh, whatever we have going on is over too. Don’t want to risk getting caught with management or fans or anything” you say, with a small fake smile on your face. You couldn’t even muster the courage or energy to look at him in the face as you said all this. 

Namjoon on the other widened his eyes at your statement, his heart falling to the pits of his stomach. You heard everything he said. And now.. now you wanted to break up. But.. But he didn’t want that. Not in the slightest. 

“Y/n wait, don’t do this” he tries again to take a step towards you but you put your hands out in front of you as if put up a wall between you two. 

“Before this tour started, I was just your sister’s annoying friend. I think it’s best I stay that way. I’ll uh.. I’ll finish my job as a translator here, so don’t worry about that” you say, not wanting to create a bigger hassle for the team. 

You look up to see the six other boys in the room, only to find them all staring at you with sad eyes. “I’m really sorry for any trouble I caused you all. I’ll be out of your hair now” you say before quickly turning and running out of the room, not even giving time for Namjoon to process what just went down. Namjoon could only plop down on the closest chair to him and bury his face in his hands. 

“We uh, knew about you guys dating since the beginning almost. Y/n knew we knew too, but we told her not to tell you so that we could give you a hard time one day. She was actually going to tell you that she was going to move to Korea for you, Joon-ah. She wanted us here to film it for her...” Jin explains, patting Namjoon’s shoulders. 

Namjoon’s head snapped up. 

“She was going to say yes?” he asks, shocked. 

Jin only nods and the room is filled with silence once again. 

What had he done?

True to your word, you had stuck around to finish your job as a translator for the tour. But you also avoided the boys any time you didn’t have to work. Thankfully, you weren’t really needed much 

Namjoon felt terrible about what went down between you two but he honestly didn’t know what to tell you anymore. But he missed you, so incredibly much. But you were avoiding him like the plague and he hadn’t even been able to take a proper look at you since the night you broke up with him. 

On part of him told him that this was all working out for the better in the long run. You probably would have been lonely in Korea with him gone all the time. You two might not have even worked out. 

But the other part, the bigger voice inside of him, told him that he made a mistake. That though he didn’t think things through before asking you to move to Korea with him, it would have been great having you there. He would have been lying to himself if he said he never thought of a future with you. He did. It was strange but over the last couple of months, you had come into his life in full force and he loved every single fucking second of it. He loved you. 

He only didn’t want to make things public because he wanted to save you from that kind of attention that he knew you didn’t like, not because he didn’t want to be seen with you. He only wasn’t sure about his feelings for you because he didn’t know if he could make you happy in the long run. 

But in the end, it wouldn’t really matter because you didn’t even want to see him anymore. And soon enough, he was going to lose any opportunity to talk to you and make things right and that very thought scared him to the core. 

Not to mention he missed you. He missed your touch, your hugs, your kisses. He missed being able to talk to you late into the night. He missed sneaking away with you. He missed just everything about you. 

So one night when he called back home, he came clean about what had gone down these last couple of months to his sister. He was surprised by how calm she was when listening to him and when he was finally done, he simply said “ok Sooji, let me have it”

“I don’t know what to tell you oppa. I’m sad that neither of you told me that any of this happened. I mean, I expected this out of Y/n, but you? Why couldn’t you tell your own sister?” Sooji Asks.

“What do you mean you expected this out of Y/n” he asks. 

“I mean, she’s been like this since we were young. Remember you had a couple of bullies in your class back when we lived in the States. Did you ever think why they just suddenly stopped bothering you one day? Well, Y/n, though we were younger than you all, confronted your bullies one day in the playground and stood up for you. I still remember her telling those guys to leave you alone and threatened to kick them if they didn’t” Sooji said, giggling a little. 

Namjoon had almost forgot about that. It was true. There were two other boys in his class who had used to pick on him for always being alone in school, but one day, the bullying had just stopped. Little Namjoon was curious about why, but he knew not to question it. 

“You might have hated her as a kid, but she always wanted to be your friend. She always asked about you, you know. Growing up I mean. She always asked if you made good friends and ended up pursuing music, even before you were a trainee” Sooji continued. Namjoon hadn’t realized himself, but he felt tears form in his eyes. 

“She’s always admired you, and I have no clue why. But I do know that you don’t deserve her. I know thats rude of me to say, and i’m sorry, but it’s the truth. She’s too good for you, oppa. I’m disappointed in you” Sooji says calmly, which was a stark contrast to her usual hyper personality. That’s how Namjoon knew he had royally fucked up. 

“I know I don’t deserve her, but what do I do? I still want her” Namjoon says mostly to himself. 

“Do you love her?” asks Sooji. 

“Yes” Namjoon says confidently now. “I do. So, so much. And I don’t want to lose her. But she won’t even look at me anymore” Namjoon says. 

“Well then get her attention” Sooji says. 

“How? She’s never in the same room with me unless we’re on a schedule” Namjoon says. And as he said the words aloud, it was as if a light bulb turned on on top of his head. “Unless... I.. I tell her during an event” Namjoon says to himself. 

“I think you know what you have to do oppa” Sooji says, smiling to herself. 

“Thank you Sooji-ah! Thank you!” Namjoon says excitedly. 

You don’t know how, but you were already at the last concert. Which meant this was your last night on the job. Tomorrow, you had booked tickets  for back home and pretty soon you’d be back to your life without bangtan. 

You sat through the entirety of the concert and still watched in awe as if it was your first. Luckily, the boys didn’t need any translation today, so you were able to enjoy the concert in peace. This was how you started this whole experience anyways, might as well end it the same way. 

Finally, the boys had wrapped up most of the concert and the ending ments were starting. You realized this was probably the last time you were going to see them, and you cried silently as you watched them talk to fans. You were hoping to slip out of the venue before the concert ended so that you can get a headstart to the hotel to finish up packing before your early flight tomorrow. 

You had gotten up from your seat backstage about to make your exit when you hear Namjoon’s voice again. You knew it probably wasn’t the best idea to stay, but you just wanted to hear his voice one last time in person. The voice you loved so fucking much. 

“ARMY! I hope you all had a really fun time tonight! We are so excited that we got to share this evening here with you all! I can’t believe the tour has already come to an end and I’m so happy I got to see as many ARMY as possible in this time. I will truly treasure these memories in my heart forever. Thank you so much ARMY!

Since it’s the last concert tonight, I want to tell you all something important” Namjoon says, and the crowd is already yelling. You furrow your eyes in confusion, since Namjoon was pretty much going off from what he practiced 

“Early on in this tour, I met someone, ARMY” he says slowly. The fans are all screaming various things, some clearly not happy already. 

“I um, met someone really amazing. Someone really nice. And someone really pretty, inside and out” he continues bravely. “Some of you guys might have seen her actually. Her name is Y/n and she is our translator for our tour. Now, I want to be honest with everyone here tonight. The members, my company, all of the fans here and around the world. And most importantly Y/n herself. 

She’s probably backstage listening right now. At least, I hope she is. I uh, fell in love with this beautiful woman. A woman who I have actually known since I was a kid and from the time I lived in the States for a while. I fell in love with... well her everything. She makes me so incredibly happy and makes me want to be a better person” he says. Now most of the fans are just screaming “awww” at the top of their lungs. 

“But, I made a mistake a few weeks ago. I think.. no I know that I really hurt her. And I’m scared I won’t get the opportunity for her to hear my heart if not for tonight. So in front of the world today, in front of all the people that matter to me, I want to say loud and proud that I, Kim Namjoon, love Y/N L/N. I want to be with her for as long as she will have me and I want her to know that I’m so so so sorry” Namjoon says, letting a tear fall. 

For a second, the entire venue was quite at Namjoon’s declaration and the boys all stared at the crowd, not really sure what to expect. But within a matter of seconds, the fans were all yelling and cheering for Namjoon. 

Namjoon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and smiled as his fans cheered for him. 

Somewhere from the back of the venue, a small chant could be heard. At first, the boys couldn’t really make out what they were saying but as more and more fans started to chant, it was clear. 

The fans were chanting your name. 

Pretty soon, every single fan in the venue was cheering your name and you stood backstage in shock at what just went down.

Namjoon had just publicly declared his love for you. This was something he could never take back. The whole world knew now. You stood frozen in your spot backstage, not really sure what to do. 

That was, until some of the stylists came behind you and quite literally pushed you onto the stage. 

You had stumbled onto the stage but before you could run back backstage, there was a spotlight on you and the fans erupted in cheers. 

The boys had turned to face you and Namjoon’s heart raced a million miles per hour after seeing you. He had to admit, you looked hella cute when you were shocked. 

He jogged up to you and the fans only cheered louder as he got closer. 

When he finally reached you, he held out his hand for you, waiting for you to take it. 

You looked around the fans were all telling you to take his hand and even the members were whooping and cheering for Namjoon behind him. With some hesitation, you slowly reached out for Namjoon’s hands. But the second you held onto him, all your nerves vanished. You had just missed him so incredibly much. 

You could only smile at Namjoon with astonishment. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Y/n, my love” he says, as he ushers to the front of the stage. 

There, you stood nervously amongst seven of the most famous men in the world, staring at thousands of fans and their ARMY bombs. 

“Thank you so much, for coming back to me” Namjoon whispers into your ears, causing the fans to cheer even more loud if that was even possible at this point. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” starts Hoseok and pretty soon, all the members and all the fans are chanting along with him. 

“Can I?’ Namjoon asks, turning to face you. 

you simply nod and within seconds, Namjoon’s lips meet yours as he pulls you into him. 

In that moment, you had forgot everything else. All the other members, all the fans, all the staff, and certainly all the news articles that would be coming out, if they weren’t out already.

In that moment, the only thing that mattered was Namjoon. 

He finally pulls away, only to have his forehead placed on top of yours. “I love you, Y/n. More than I can ever imagine” he says, smiling. 

“I love you, Joon-ah” you say, smiling back. 

[starrymna]

Ache

Warnings: None

Pairing: Brendon x Reader

Word Count: 1428

“Stop, I’m going to spit!” You laugh as the toothpaste runs down your chin and Brendon leaned over on the verge of tears. It didn’t take much for the two of you to be in fits of laughter and here you were, once again, unable to properly function because of a stupid dog video.

“Look! Watch it again,” he placed the phone back in front of your face. He gasped for breath and subsequently started laughing again.

“I’m not kidding, you’re being too loud,” you could barely enunciate as you emptied your mouth. Turning and pointing your toothbrush at him, “You’re gonna wake her up, stop being so loud!” That moment between you two was cut short when you both burst into a fit of laughter. You wrapped your arms around your gut, trying to keep a little quiet and not wake the toddler just one room over.

“Okay! Video away, we need to sleep,” he stated matter of factly.

“Sounds like someone decided to mature today, huh?” You smirked, flicking the lights off and jumping onto your bed, letting the pillows slide right off. Brendon rolled his eyes as he picked up your mess and throwing them back onto your bed. His eyes caught yours and you held your stare for just a moment too long.

“What’s on your mind?” He questioned.

“Your nose. She definitely has your nose,” you pondered, intently watching his facial expressions.

His shock was evident, “I thought for sure you were admiring my sexiness, but you’re just stuck on the nose of our daughter, again!” He laughed jumping right next to you on the bed wrapping his arms around you and looking down at your phone as you mindlessly began scrolling through your social media.

“But her nose is cute, there’s no way it came from me.”

“It absolutely did, look,” he pulled the baby monitor from your bedside table and placed it in front of your phone. You glanced up at his carefree eyes and back down to the screen. You both had the same thoughts running through your minds as you watched her less than peaceful state, “Does she look okay?”

“She could be dreaming?” You half-suggested avoiding the idea that she was in fact sick, and also dismissing the runny nose she had earlier, “She’ll be fine and I’m tired so you can check on her if you want, but I’m going to sleep, goodnight.” He nodded and set the monitor back onto the table and pulled the blankets around your body. It was only a gesture, he’d pull them off of you after just a few moments of sleep. Within an hour you were up at the cries of your daughter. You groaned before leaning over and locking eyes with Brendon. You held up your fist and he did as well, “Rock, paper, scissors-shoot…” you barely mumbled, grinning as you let your closed fist bump his ‘scissors’. Jokingly, he stuck his tongue out, slugging his way into the room. Nearly asleep again, you heard the cries get louder as he brought her into your room, “There’s a bottle in the fridge, I’m too tired to feed her right now.”

“Babe, I think she’s got an ear infection,” He came in clutching the screaming girl, whose hands gripped the right side of her head.

You sat up quickly as Brendon sat next to you, still rocking her in attempts to calm her, “I think I have some kids’ Tylenol in the cabinet, give me a second.” You sighed as you walked down the hallway, cursing whatever was hurting your little girl. Sorting through a pile of expired medicine you discovered the slightly newer packaging and reading the dosage facts on your way back into the room.

She lets out another loud scream and you rush the last few steps as she squeezes her dad’s neck, soaking his shirt with her tears. “Baby, shh, Mommy’s got your medicine okay? Can you open your mouth, come on sweets,” You smile at her trying to grab her attention and pulling her chin towards you, which only makes her cry more.

There’s always that moment when you just know that something is wrong and when she stopped crying to take in a shaky breath, both you and Brendon stood up quickly. You grabbed a bra and pants for yourself and a jacket for Brendon. He already had the car started when you came downstairs and you quickly fished through your bag confirming that all insurance cards and an extra bottle were inside. You grabbed his wallet off of the key table, flashing his ID at him with a disapproving glare.

“Listen- not the top priority!” He shouted through the window.

“Just drive legally please-” you jumped into the back seat, readjusting the blankets in her car seat and trying to keep sane.

“Setup the navigation please,” “Just take the 5-” “Navigation” “Babe-” “Jesus, setup the GPS please because you know that you suck at giving directions and I’m not making any wrong turns-” “Don’t yell at me right now- I drove myself to the hospital when I went into labor so I think I know how to get to the hospital!” “ You’ll never let that one go, will you?” “Brendon, drive!”

Crying yourself now, too, you noticed every few seconds Brendon glancing in the rearview mirror and checking on the two of you, “I’m sorry, you know I’m tired- get off on Fairview- and I’m just overreacting.”

“I know- how’s she holding up?” His smugness didn’t upset you as much as it normally would.

“I’ve got the heat-pack on her right now, she seems to be distracted by it,” you attempt to compose yourself, pulling your hair back into a ponytail and wiping your eyes of any residual makeup from earlier that night. “I brought you a jacket, I forgot pants, but I think there’s some in the back?”

“I’ve got on joggers, it could be worse, thank you,” he smiled back at you and quickly stopped upon the crying that had started up again. Brendon quickly swerved into the parking spot right in front of the ER and you clutched the carseat and the front console, glaring at his reckless driving, “We’re here.” He wasted no time jumping out and throwing on his jacket swinging open her car door.

You began unhooking her restraints when Brendon pulled your hands away, doing it himself. Rolling your eyes you grab your purse and take the keys from Brendon locking the car and running with him towards the hospital. The nurse at the front desk seemed a little too used to stressed parents and was able to calm the two of you down enough to get her checked in, bringing you back into a room where she told you to wait. Not that it was horrific, but Brendon was the most impatient person you knew. Each time your daughter cried, he would roll his eyes and look to you for help as if your mood would bring a doctor in.

You paced while Brendon sat on the bed leaning your baby against his shoulder letting the medicine slowly ease her pain. “You’d think they’d prioritize children-”

“There could be people dying, Brendon…” you deadpan.

“She could be dying!”

“Really? You know your anxiety is one of the leading causes of her anxiety-”

“She’s 2.”

“She’s learning from you-” you were cut off by her screaming again and immediately pull her hair out of her face, looking past your husband’s shoulder, “Hi baby… I know it hurts, but the doctor will be her soon.”

“Mama,” she cried again, reaching out to you. You took her fingers into your hands and kissed them softly. Brendon kissed her head softly and humming lullabies to her, which could put you to sleep, but the toddler was all but happy to hear it.

“Hello, Mrs. Urie- Mr. Urie,” she greeted you both as you stood and shook her hand, “I’m Doctor Shay, we’ve got a pretty bad ear infection, huh?” You both nodded and Brendon pulled her back just enough to let the doctor examine her.

It felt like a lifetime, but you finally had enough medicine in your daughter to let her sleep soundly and thus took her back into the car and home to her bed. Laying back down onto your bed, you let out a long sigh as Brendon walked back into the room and threw off his jacket getting back into bed. Once again, he pulled the blankets over your form.

“Goodnight, B.”

“Night, love.”

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Midnight Circus  pt.6

☾pairing: Jungkook(?)♡→  reader ☾genre: Angst. Fluff. Mature content. bad boy summer fling au ☾summary: “You’re ten times hotter this summer, you know that?” ☾Series status statement: “I don’t know how this happened...” a/n: ok so its a little scattered and I know I took forever but I hope the finish product makes up for the lateness^^

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | coming soon

“Can anyone tell me how many paintings by Claude Monet titled Water Lilies?”

Art appreciation. It seemed interesting enough so you went ahead and signed up for it. The professor had the class study, Claude Monet, this week, you knew the answer but decided to give the other students a chance. Speaking of the other students, Taehyung, Beah, and Namjoon attended this class as well. You sat somewhere near the front of the class, resting your head on your propped up forearm—your mind was elsewhere.

“Yes?” You glanced to the right to see Taehyung raising his hand.

“250 oil paintings.” 

“Correct. Can anyone tell me why?” He gave the class the opportunity to answer the easy question and you took it upon yourself to answer—you slowly raised your hand.

“Yes, Mr. Kim?” Namjoon must’ve raised his hand faster than you because now the class was curious about what he had to say.

He cleared his throat. “Monet was fond of his flower garden at his home in Giverny, it was the inspiration for a lot of his work, it was the center of his focus in last thirty years of his artistic life.” The information flowed off of his tongue like a poem made to mesmerize all who overhear.

“That is correct. Now class. . .”

He trailed off into something else but you were more interested in the buzz of your phone, it was a message.

[1:40] Namjoon: You knew the answer to that, we were just talking about it earlier.

You slowly eased out your phone so that it wasn’t in full view of the professor and typed slowly.

[1:40] You: yes but u raised your hand first and didnt give me time [1:41] Namjoon: ill make sure to give it to you next time then

When you felt the teacher was observing your way, you tucked your phone away, not to be answered until the class is dismissed. The clock was on your side today because before you knew it, the professor released you all early c=for a change. Students fleed the class like ants run to sugary spilled soda, they all had somewhere to be but you preferred to take your sweet time. You easily slid the notebook in your backpack and grabbed your bottle as you slung the bag over your shoulders.

“Miss L/n,” Your professor called out to you as he was exiting the classroom.

“Yes, professor?”

“I didn’t get to respond to your email but I thoroughly enjoyed your research paper, it was well organized and you presented your information eloquently.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Keep up the good work.” The middle-aged man smiled as he cleaned off the dry erase board. You smiled, walking out of the classroom with less weight on your shoulders.

“Hey,” A familiar voice came from somewhere behind you and you looked back to see Namjoon, walking a bit faster so he could stroll beside you. “are you and Jen, Taehyung, and Beah still on for studying for this evening? If so, I can still help you guys out.”

“Uh, yeah,” You did have a pretty big test coming up, “I probably should.”

“Good. I have a paper to finish so I’ll head over there now.” 

“Alright, tell everyone I’ll be there soon, I need to get a book from the library.” You bid him farewell as he walked out through the exit.

You walked through the campus, passing by the library because apparently both of you needed to pick up a book for your classes. The sun shined through the campus, the warmth cascaded within the building and created a tranquil atmosphere for the busy students that scattered throughout the school. Since the book you were looking for had nothing to do with the one he was looking for, you went to different corners of the library.

Namjoon peeked through the bookshelves, searching for the book. He found it easily but he waited around, recognizing that you were still searching for yours. 

“Where is it?” You mumbled, still not finding the book.

“Y/n,” You felt hands on your shoulders and you turned to see who it was, “I haven’t seen you in a good minute.” Hoseok. You completely forgot that he used to work in the bookstore, you didn’t know he still hung out here.

“Oh my gosh, Hoseok.” You beamed, embracing him. “Hi, it’s so nice to see you again, how have been?” 

“Good, my schedule is pretty busy this semester. I haven’t had a lot of free time lately.” He spoke but you were distracted by his unfailing beauty. He was glowing, a sweet smile and a kind expression resting on his face. “Are you looking for anything in particular? I used to work here so I might as well help you out.”

“Thanks, do you know where- What’s the name of it again...” You reached into your pocket for the piece of paper that you wrote the book title on. “That’s what I’m looking for.” He inspected the paper.

“Ah, I know where this is. It’s over here.” He began to walk off somewhere and you followed him. Hoseok had always been so sweet and kind, he and Jimin went to the same dance studio you went to. He worked as a part-time instructor there until he could get transferred to the school he really wanted to study dance at.

“Here you are.” He gestured to the bookcase.

“Thanks, Hobi.” 

“No problem, I’ll see you later.” 

He waved goodbye. You went to the counter to purchase the book, it took a minute or so and you were out of the store and going to your car so you could get to the cafe where everyone was probably waiting on you.

“Hey...” She nudged his bare shoulder, the heat of his skin sent a nauseating spiral of guilt, shame, and discomfort to the pit of her stomach. “My mom will be home in an hour, you have to go...” She pulled the duvet up to cover her chest, he was slowly coming to. She nudged his warm arm again, this time with a little more force. “Jungkook, get your clothes on...” 

His eyes fluttered open upon the call of his name. Typical—he was waking up in another unfamiliar bed, wearing nothing but boxers and a sinful scent. “What?” He seethed, already annoyed by her nagging voice and visible attitude. 

“You have to go, my mom will be home soon...” She stammered, fumbling through her drawer for some clothes to throw on to cover herself. Jungkook narrowed his brow as he sat up to gather himself, he replayed what took place between them and sighed. What is this, the fifth or sixth person this week? He decided to stop counting after this one. He went to the floor to gather his discarded clothes from last night and slipped them on without a word. The brunette, on the other hand, was your classic suburban-nonconformist-chick who won’t show gratitude to the parents who provide for her. He’s not the first guys she’s had over, she knew the drill too well. She wasn’t his ideal pick either. She was a bit too common for his taste, a little obnoxious, but the night was ending quickly and he didn’t have time to be picky. Her clothes were easy off and that’s all he required at the time.

When he glanced at the girl, she was getting situated to go to the shower and for the life of him, he couldn’t remember her name. He stared at her as he tied his shoes, trying to remember, Shelby, Shannon, Sarah, Stephanie? Something with an S...

”Do you have any Tylenol?” He massaged his temples as he was on his out of her bedroom, he had a little bit of a hangover.

“Yeah,” She ran to her purse, searching for the little bottle, “here.”

He took the bottle and shook it lightly to get on little pill out. He gave it back and nonchalantly made his way towards to the front door, her heart began to plummet into her stomach—what had she done?

“Wait,” She voiced shyly, “will I see you again?”

He laughed, cracking the door to stand in the doorway. “Maybe.” He left her with that.

That meant she wouldn’t see him again, not here, not with her.

He drove, not really biased on where to but he didn’t want to go home. The rumbling of his stomach indicated that he needed something to eat. He went to the nearest fast food place to get a burger and fries, y’know, something healthy. He was supposed to be in class but he assumed that but by the time he gets there, it’ll already be over.

Oddly enough, he went home.

To his surprise, his mom was home and she had a lot of questions.

”Where were you?” She was at the kitchen island with a mug of coffee in hand, the demeanor of a brute criminal interrogator.

“A friends.” He shrugged, casually walking off to his bedroom.

“Get back over here.” She hissed—that was the,’if you know what’s good for you, you better get back over here’ voice, he willed himself to tread lightly now. “I come home, working hard to provide for our family and when I get back you’re not even here. And I’m not stupid Jungkook, don’t think for a second that I’m buying that ‘I was at a friends house crap.’”

“Does it matter where I was? You and dad are never here anyway, so why should I be?” He frowned. “Why do you suddenly care?”

“Because you’re my son and I love you.” She sighed when his jaw clenched with the darkening of his eyes. “I know it’s not easy, and I wish I hadn’t brought you into this but there’s nothing I can do. You said you didn’t want to live with your dad, why are you giving me such a hard time?”

“I’m giving you a hard time?” He had to refrain from going off on her and the only way he could do that was if he left this house. Without a word, he ran upstairs to gather a few things in a backpack and when he came back downstairs she just stared at him. He had always been like this, bad at expressing his negative emotions without hurting someone, so his solution was to leave. “I’ll be back in a few days.” He stated.

“Jungkook there is no reason for you to-”

“I need my own space right now and I’m not in the mood for a lecture, mom.” He left the house, his mother not really even knowing what to say or how to get her son to change his mind. And it was just that, she didn’t know Jungkook anymore, she was unaware of his daily life. She always said, ‘as long as you get good grades and don’t get anyone pregnant, you can stay under this roof.’ She felt as if he needed a bit more structure than that, but there’s nothing she can do about it now. He’s going through a rebellious phase and she’s taking the brunt of it.

Jungkook went to Yoongi’s apartment.

He let him in without hesitation and went back to his room to study.

Jungkook found refuge in that worn out couch, he had more to stress about than finals and sleep seemed to be his temporary solution. He was called into work suddenly and he grudgingly drove to the bowling alley. He spent hours fitting antsy kids and adults for worn out old rental bowling shoes.

“Over here!” Namjoon raised a hand to get your attention when you entered the cafe full of stressed students studying for finals. You walked over to your group of friends and sat beside Jennie.

“Hey, guys.” You began unloading your books on the cramped table.

“Y/n, hey, sorry to ask but do you have the notes from the professor Welsh? I couldn’t make it to class and no one had the notes from the lecture on pdf.” Jennie pushed her glasses up on her face, pencil tight in her hand.

“Yeah, I’ll send it to you.” You pulled out your computer and began going through your files, searching for the notes you worked so hard to get. When you sent it, she showed the utmost gratitude by buying you a matcha latte. You sat across from Namjoon and he was completely enveloped in his paper—being head of the class must be burdensome, having to keep your grades up to maintain the honorable title. School was always something constant in your life, without it you felt like you were a void, an empty with no purpose. You only felt like that sometimes—other times you craved freedom, to dream under the stars with smoke tainting your breath from loving on a dangerous spirit. You sort of experienced that, maybe not to its full effect but you know what it’s like to get close to boys like Jungkook and you didn’t like it—not anymore at least. 

You brought your mind back to the task at hand, your math and final project. The job they gave you was to collect the data and write the slides for the 19th-century economy. A few hours went by and the cafe was still heavy with customers, even at this hour. Suddenly, you felt something graze your ankle, someone's foot?

You looked from side to side, then right in front of you to see Namjoon grinning at his laptop. You looked at him with the sole purpose of catching his attention, but he didn’t look up, that’s when you received a message on your computer.

Namjoon: I meant to talk to you about the other night, r u okay

You furrowed your brows at the message, not immediately understanding what he was referring to. When you looked up at him he glanced at you but then he began typing something.

Namjoon: Jungkook was trying to follow you, I managed to stop him. Are you ok? 

You: Yeah I’m ok 

He titled his head, he knew that you weren’t ‘ok’ but now wasn’t the time to talk about it, your face pretty much said that it wasn’t the place or time.

“I need a break.” Beah sat her book down with a pout. “Anybody up for pizza?”

“If we go get pizza, we’ll never finish.” You tried to dismiss the idea but they weren’t in the mood to be focused and responsible anymore.

“How about we order food here?” Namjoon suggested.

“I know! Yoongi hyung is home, why don’t we take some pizza over to his place?” Taehyung proposed.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Jennie went in on this crusade and you gave up trying to keep the studying here. Everyone began packing up their stuff and before you knew it, you were still packing up and Namjoon lingered behind.

“I wanted to ask, what did he do that made you so upset? He didn’t hit you or anything, did he?” If so, he was prepared to kill the kid. You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked out to the parking lot with Namjoon by your side. He came with Taehyung but you assumed he could ride with you to Yoongi’s.

“No, he didn’t hit me.” You reassured him, plopping down into the driver's seat. “He was mad that I was there, he just didn’t want to see me I guess...” Your words were but a mumble, not wishing to reminisce about that mistake of yours. “He also kissed me.” Namjoon made a perplexed expression. “Can you believe him? One minute he’s yelling the next he’s trying to kiss me. I slapped him and went home.“

“That’s my girl.” Namjoon giggled. “Now I know why he was so mad, you probably bruised his pride. He needed a wake-up call like that, not everyone is going to take his crap, he needs to learn that.” That fact made you smirk a bit, you felt like you had the upper hand as of now. 

“Why is he like this?...” You sounded tired like you’ve asked yourself this question before. “I don’t understand why he treats me like that...”

Namjoon had to think before giving you his answer, did Jungkook even have a reason? He assumed that the kid just acted like that because of childhood habits; he was selfish, greedy, aggressive even. “I-...I really don’t know, he’s only ever treated you this way, I think it’s just apart of his growing up process.” He scratched the back of his head in thought. “Even though he is an adult...He-”

“He saw me in the pool with Jimin, that was it!” Your abrupt outburst had Namjoon curious onto what else you had to say. 

“I don’t know what I was doing, I liked Jimin, I really did...” Your lips were turned down in a quivering frown. “I had a crush on him since forever and I never thought in a million years that he would give me the time of day, but he did, he told me that he liked me too and I was happy....” Your fingers were tight on the steering wheel, still trying to remain in control of the vehicle despite your frustration. “Jungkook kept sending these mean messages, I don’t even want to repeat the things he said, he was livid, over nothing Joon, absolutely nothing...” You stopped at the red light, holding back any signs of tears—this was nothing to cry about.

“I know you liked him. I wish it could’ve happened another way for you two but it just didn’t work out. I’m sorry I can’t help more...” This was the first time he heard how Jungkook found out about you and Jimin, now he understood a bit better. Jungkook went out there, looking for you and you were necking with one of his bestfriends—there’s the big picture. Jungkook was hurt, jealous—insecure. Something he wanted didn’t want him back, it wanted someone else. Can you imagine how it must’ve felt when he saw you, genuinely showering Jimin with affection after what you two had been doing? He was overwhelmed, he felt betrayed and used for the first time in a long long time, and that was the problem. He didn’t have the right to respond that way, you weren’t his; a few unchaste kisses and touching of bodies does not a relationship make. And Jungkook knew that. He knew that he didn’t want a bond from this and neither did you, so you and Jimin shouldn’t have been a problem. 

“I can understand why he was so angry now.” Namjoon gazed out of the window, a dispirited expression on his face. “I think for the first time in his life, his heart was vulnerable and he was no longer in control. You were tugging his heartstrings in every which direction and you didn’t even know it.” The mental picture brought a fond grin to his lips.

You blinked, attempting to process what he meant by that. “Me? I thought you were on my side here. I shouldn’t be penalized for his feeling-”

“No, no, no, I don’t mean it like that, of course, you shouldn’t. IIt’s just- Jungkook really hates feeling he’s not wanted, just like everybody else, he wants to feel desired. When he saw you- You I’m saying he felt like you were cheating on him, using him.” How were you supposed to use Jungkook? What could you possibly gain from that?

“You can’t cheat when there’s no relationship- And if it were him, he’d tell the unlucky girl to get over it because it’s not a relationship anyway. And if anything, he’s been using me. He doesn’t have the right to catch feelings but not punish me for it.” 

 “Yes, I agree, but I know Jungkook well enough to know this, his head, heart, and body are all in different spheres. He just doesn’t know how to make those three parts of himself work in unison and the result of that is situations like this.” Namjoon sighed, seeing that you two had arrived at the apartment already. “But that’s no excuse, he has to grow out of that and face the music like the rest of us.”

You two got out of the car and you ran over to help Taehyung with the pizza and Namjoon took it upon himself to knock on the door. Yoongi lazily opened the door, not phased by the sudden arrival. You helped bring the food inside and before you knew it you were plopped on the couch, forgetting everything related to finals and indulging in the cheesy, salty goodness of the pizza.

 “Hi Jungkook.” Irene. “A 7 1/2 please.” She came to the counter, looking at him like a hyena would a raw steak—he looked good to her. Jungkook knew her from around and she knew him but rarely did they interact.

“Okay.” He turned to look for the women's 7 1/2 box but it was empty. He searched around, dreading having to go to the overstock room to get them, he peeked up at her with doe eyes. “We’re out of 7 1/2′s can you do a 7 or an 8?” He raised his brows, seeing that she was smiling at him. “Well, I’m about to clock out so I’ll ask my manager to-”

“No, that’s okay.” She leaned against the counter, a grin still present on her lips. “You said you’re about to clock out, yeah? Are you busy?” Her eyes raking up and down his body, the slight bulging of his biceps under the work polo intrigued her in every way possible.

“No, why?” He countered with the crook of his brow, she followed him as he walked along the lengthy counter to go punch in his hours.

“Just curious...” Pearly whites digging into her bottom lip as he walked passed her, she followed him without clear intent. She put a hand on his chest, stopping him from walking away from her, she brought her face close to his, the proximity of closeness made him laugh—that’s what she wanted.

In a matter of minutes, they were in the alleyway between two unsuspecting buildings, classy.

“J-jungkook.” She manages to choke out through his relentless assault on her clavicle, it was more painful than anything and she wondered why he was being so forceful. When he lead her out here her stomach lurched in excitement and they were in the little corner where she was sure no one could see. “Y-you okay?” He was aggressive.

He responded with a rough nip to her neck followed by a tantalizing lick to soothe the pinch; she figured he was just in a feisty mood so she went with the flow. His hands found her bare waist and chest, not deciding on which one to seek comfort in. He was all over her, not providing her the leeway to control much but her hands. At this point, his shirt was wrinkled up and her lipstick was smeared into an abstract of lecherous hunger on her lips.

Jungkook snarled when her hand wandered up to his stomach to his chest but not close to where he wanted it. She gripped his collar to take his mouth away from her neck and have a nice long look at his deep, almost opaque orbs—he looked so intense and focused. “Are you trying to make look like I’ve been mauled? Damn.” She was referring to the love bites on her once cream-colored flesh. His cheeks were glowing a light pink when he left the heat of her neck, he was already feeling cold. 

“Why’re you in such a rush?-” He shoved his mouth against hers, swallowing her protests until they were nothing but moans—he didn’t come here to chitchat. They kissed for a little while, he easily battled her tongue into submission with his own, he would go so far as to say he was being a little nasty with it. But right now, he didn’t care what it looked like, as long as he could overstimulate himself with the feeling.

He pulled back, chest heaving lightly with a wetness coating his chin and strawberry colored lips. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Hm?” He smirked, their clothes were in shambles when he stopped to ask her. “You like this, don’t you? Shit, I know you do,” He smirked to himself, “I can see it on your face...” His hands doing their own thing to bring her to her metaphorical knees.

“Mhm.” She nodded, getting into character when his tone became authoritative and stern.

“Yeah?...” He nibbled on the cherry flavor that lingered on his lips, that’s why her lips were so bright red and plush. In the height of the moment, he clutched her jaw and slipped an index finger in the disturbingly warm cavern, because in hindsight, that’s all he was looking for out of this—warmth, he wanted to feel warm again. She bit him lightly, just applying enough pressure to grin. “Mm.” He scoffed, slipping the finger out and wiping her saliva on her clothes. “What do you want? Tell me what you want.” He demanded, wanting to hear her articulate it word by word.

“You, please.” She cooed. “I want you Jungkook, I don’t care how.” Now she sounded too desperate—but weren’t they both?

“Yeah?” He taunted with a throaty voice. “Let me hear you say it again...” He mumbled, more to himself than her. “Say it again, I want to hear you say it...” She obliged to his request, repeating over and over that he was all she wanted, craved to hear that. It triggered an influx of dopamine to his brain, it was like he was floating when he heard that one simple, yet, significant phrase, ‘I want you.’ “Fuck, turn around...” 

Warmth. 

For a moment, he felt a warmth, soft skin mangled together and he was in euphoria.

He got to feel wanted, even if it was only physical desire, and even if it only lasted for so long, he got to feel it and that had to mean something. It was satisfaction he was looking for but He hadn’t found it. When they finished, Irene clutched onto nothing when he pushed her further with an arm snaked around her stomach like a restraint. He felt a dirty, disgusting feeling—the high was over and it was time to say goodnight.

Night after night, girl after easy girl, in an attempt to fill that hollow space. Those girls would fill him to the brim for a short second just to drain him dry in seconds, and he’d do the same to them. He could have it his way, not have to lift a finger and they would swoon over him, fight each other if it meant spending their night with the midnight’s offspring. When it was all said and done, he cleaned up, fumbling to zip his pants up as Irene walked off in a hurry, saying she was supposed to be somewhere an hour ago or something like that. 

He went to his car in the back of the building and sat there dejected -- he regrets it, he felt remorse that made him want to cry and so he did. Tears escape his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. Sitting in the dark of the parking lot, sobbing into the steering wheel with trembling fingers—he felt cold again, it chilled down to his bones.

“Well, I should head home, my parents don’t want me out too late.” It was just you and Namjoon left while Yoongi was still in his room, Taehyung and Beah had gone home but you were pretty invested in this book when they left. Namjoon looked up at you from his computer. “Are you done with chapter 13?”

“Yeah, I finished it.” You began to pack up your stuff, tired and ready to go to get in your soft, cozy bed.

“Y/n, can you throw those towels in the dryer.” You heard Yoongi voice from his bedroom. “And throw those pizza boxes out.”

“This is your house Yoongi, I’m not your maid.” You grudgingly stood to your feet and went to do it anyway, it was the least you could do since he invited everyone into his place. Well, more like, let everyone invite themselves. You went to the little laundry area near the kitchen and did as he asked, Namjoon watched you with his glasses teetering at the tip of his nose.

“I guess I’ll head out too.” He announced, slinging his packed bag over your shoulder. 

“Wait, I’ll walk you to your car.” You stopped what he was doing and walked with him outside.

“Remember when you told me you’d look after me?” You spoke suddenly standing at the car door with a dreamy look on your face.

“How could I forget?” He smiled, his dimples looking as deep as the craters on the moon.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about that, a lot actually...” You twiddled your fingers absentmindedly. “You’re a really good friend, like, you care a lot about me, more so than most people.” 

“What are friends for, right? If I can’t help you in some way then what am I here for? That’s just how I think.” He crossed his arms, leaning against the car to look at you with a sweet smile. 

“Well, thank you.” You stood up on your tippy toes and pecked his cheek—he blushed immediately.

“Y-y/n?” He laughed nervously. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know, just for being you...” You were suddenly shy as he got into his car, bidding you farewell. You went back to the apartment to fold those towels for Yoongi.

Jungkook found somewhere to park and watch the lights for a little while, the tears had dried and he was calm again. He got himself together and drove back to Yoongi’s place. When he made it there, he pulled out the spare key and jiggled it in the lock before it popped open. “Hey, I’m back hyung.” Yoongi made a sound of acknowledgment. He sighed, throwing his heavy body on the couch. He noticed that there were a bunch of folded towels on the couch so he sat them on the center table. He laughed a little, he’s never seen Yoongi as the type to do laundry publicly. He was tired, even with the tv on he started to get droopy-eyed.

Someone was in the house. You had to use the bathroom before you left and you weren’t expecting anyone else to come over. Too anxious to walk out to see who it was, you slowly turned off the light and peeked out. There he was, watching tv the couch, curled up like a kid.

Why is he here? You wanted to be angry but you were more curious than anything. For a while you just watched him; he’d take a sip of water, weave his hand through his hair, habitual little things. It’s been weeks since you last saw him and you were happy about that, you were mad at him. He yelled at you and kissed you without permission, in front of a bunch of people and even tried to chase you.

After a little while, he was out cold and you took that opportunity to sneak out. You crawled out of the bathroom and into the living to get your bag, he was silent, not moving an inch as he slept peacefully. You managed to make it to the front door and you were just about to twist the mob when you felt a presence behind you, a heat. You couldn’t move, you were perfectly capable of walking out—why are you just standing here?

“You-...You left your sweater.” When you looked back he had wiped at his eyes in an attempt to hide any signs of sleep. “This is yours, isn’t it?” He stared at you, why were you over Yoongi’s, alone. “I remember you had it at the cabins.” You nodded and took the sweater, twisting the nob but not opening it yet, tear a started to well at your eyes. He’s always treated you differently, poked fun at you and made you feel out of place. He’d taunt you and try to annoy you whenever he got the chance, he wasn’t good and you didn’t want him, you didn’t want to want someone like him. You hand to chant in your mind, Ignore him, leave him, don’t say anything-

“You hurt me...” You looked back at him, he was surprised you even spoke. “I shouldn’t give you the time of day, you know that don’t you?” He scratched the back of his neck, pressing his lips together and making his dimples appear lightly, he was nervous. “You got mad at me for being around you and then you kissed me.” You frowned. “What is wrong with you!?” You shouted, probably disturbing Yoongi’s silence

He blinked and began to feel a tremendous amount of guilt weigh down on him.

“You tried to follow me, you called me a backstabbing slut, a whore...You act like I cheated on you! Like I violated something sacred when you really had no right to be jealous, we aren’t together. I am not yours, I have never been close to being yours and you know that. All we did was fool around and it didn’t mean anything to you. It shouldn’t have meant anything to me, you played with me and for some reason I let you...You don’t care about me Jungkook, you said it yourself, you just want my body, remember? You just come back for ‘the physical shit’ as you put it...you don’t even feel guilty either-”

“I screwed up.” He breathed heavily, anxious to start speaking “But just hear me out. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything, I was a douchebag.” His teeth sunk into his bottom lip. “I do some bad things y/n, really bad and dirty things, and when it’s done I feel sick to my stomach- I don’t know what it is, I just never get full enough, so, I do it over and over to fill myself up but I still feel empty...” You could only imagine what he meant as ‘bad things.’ “And cold...” He paused. “Even with all the bodies I’ve sunk myself in to get that warm feeling I can never get it to last, I can’t be satisfied and it’s killing me. I told you that I can’t stop thinking about you, the way you kiss, your laugh, the way you talk, it’s always in my mind-” He was just rambling now. “I’m just trying to forget you.”

“That’s really touching Jungkook.” You retorted in sarcasm.

He swallowed. “But it’s not working and I don’t know what to do. I even hooked up with a girl that once bullied you, a few girls actually...” He suddenly confessed. “When I realized it, I wanted to die. I knew you would hate me for it, you should hate me for a lot of things...”

“You’re right, I should hate you.” That physically stung him, your words were like daggers to his soul. “But I don’t, and that’s what I hate about you, Jungkook. Not that you emotionally scar me for life but because here I am, talking to you like it never happened.” And that was the truth. “We’re not lovers, we’re not in a friendship let alone a relationship, I won’t put this much emotional energy into something that’ll hurt me.”

He choked back a sob, was it really nothing to you? “I-...I don’t want to hurt you. I know I was mean but I was just upset. When I saw you and Jimin in that pool- I don’t know,” He exhaled shakily. “I felt hurt...”

“Well, I felt the same way when you yelled at me but I didn’t publicly humiliate you. Where is the connection between your emotions and your reactions? You’re not a child, you know better than to lash out the way that you do.” You were starting to sound like a mom the way you scolded him.

“I’m just asking for you to forgive me, that’s all...”

“Would that soothe your guilty conscious or something? If you get my forgiveness, what do I get, hm? I’ll be like you now, I don’t want to do anything that won’t benefit me...Doesn’t feel so good, does it?”

That was harsher than you intended.

“You get my vulnerability.” He replied timidly. “My weakness, my pain, you get to see me at my lowest...” Out of the blue, he started to cry, silently. The sight took your breath away—you had never seen him like this, absolutely vulnerable. A few tears escaped his eyes and you’re heart lurched, you were witnessing such a personal moment and you almost felt guilty. “I’m begging you...”

You started to feel terrible, he was really sincere about this. “Jungkook,” You sighed, “look, I forgive you okay? But that doesn’t mean-”

The melodic buzz of your phone interrupted the moment, it was your mom. “Hello? Sorry, I lost track of time studying, I’m on my way now.” Jungkook could hear your mom over the phone. “Love you too, bye.” You hung and tucked the phone back in your pocket. “I have to go...” 

Jungkook wiped away his tears and nodded, accepting the fact that you had to leave. You suddenly reached into your bag, searching for something until he pulled it out, his earbuds. “I uh, I never gave them back, so, here.” He extended his hand and you dropped them into his palm, was this a peace offering he thought.

“Thanks.” He looked down at his hand and slowly, out of sheer faith, he brought his face close to yours, noses getting too close for comfort. You stared him in the eye, his lips parted in desperation but you refused to quit their whine for attention. You felt your self almost meet his lips by instinct, knowing they remembered the dance they’ve done so many times at the campground. You placed a hand on his chest to deny his request though. He mentally winced at the rejection but it didn’t change a thing because, in a matter of seconds, you were out the door and he stood there alone—cold.

“Don’t forget to turn the TV off, I can’t sleep with it on.” Yoongi peeked out of his room nonchalantly to see Jungkook walking back from the front door, he figured he’d ask later. Jungkookk went to sleep on the couch, the silence lulling him into a state of peace.

You are the sun that rose again in my life The return of my childhood dreams

I don't know what this feeling is. Perhaps, I'm in a dream, are you there too? My surroundings become more and more transparent, but I still see you.

[agoodflyting]

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

A small thing for the Single Dad/Hot Teacher AU Winter rolls around, bringing slush and runny noses.

Rey catches a cold the first week of December and stays home from school, eating canned soup and grilled cheese sandwiches and watching Mythbusters on Netflix. For three days, Ben’s Google search history is a string of desperate inquiries:

difference between cold and flu is throwing up normal with a cold flu symptoms how long does the flu last diseases similar to flu symptoms of anthrax is it anthrax or flu how much tylenol safe for kids 100 degree fever when to take kids to the hospital fever

She sleeps on the couch, a sad, sniffly little burrito in her favorite Wonder Woman blanket, and he calls out of work to bring her juice and rub circles on her back with his palm, like he used to see her mom do when she was a baby. When her throat hurts and she whimpers because she can’t sleep, Ben honest-to-god cries. He’s never felt so useless in his life.

The second day, Rey’s teacher texts Ben to ask how she’s doing.

The December snow is thin, not good for much more than coating the sidewalks in a thin layer of white that’s quickly trampled dirty brown. It’s a shame- Ben remembers winters when he was a kid being a lot more impressive. He has vague, probably exaggerated memories of giant snowmen and building ice forts in his backyard with his dad.

The local kids manage to have some fun with it anyway, scraping snow off ledges and fences around the apartment complex to fling at each other. In the mornings he bundles Rey off in her hat and scarf. The early morning frost turns her nose and cheeks pink as she walks to school with a neighbor kid, a boy named Finn who lived in the next building and had recently lost one of his front teeth.

“That’s so cool!” Rey squeals when Finn holds it up in one glove, beaming a gap-toothed grin.

After school, Ben waits outside the playground doors so that he can walk home with Rey. He sticks out like a sore thumb in the pack of stay-at-home moms waiting for their kids outside the school. On top of being a fucking giant, he’s the only guy there. The first few days he kept half-expecting one of them to call the cops on him.

Now they just ignore him, flashing wary smiles before going back to comparing snack-time recipes off Pinterest and swapping pregnancy stories like some of the guys he used to know in prison did scar stories.

Some of the shit he accidentally overhears makes him want to cringe in horror. He’d butted in once, unable to contain a horrified, “That can happen?” and they’d giggled at him in a way that made him feel like he was back in high school and had just embarrassed himself in front of the popular girls.

When Rey’s mother was pregnant she’d still lived at home with her parents. It was her mom, and to a lesser degree Leia, who’d done all that pregnancy stuff with her. Ultrasounds and doctor visits. He’d tried going shopping for baby clothes with her a couple of times, but somehow it always managed to end in a stupid fight. Like every other fucking thing they did together.

The week Rey was due he’d run off in his dad’s old van, overwhelmed with fear at the responsibility of it all, desperate to escape what felt like the end of his life. By the time his dad and his uncle finally tracked him down and dragged him back, Rey was already home from the hospital.

“You’re the one who got yourself into this mess, kid.” He can still feel his dad’s hand heavy on his shoulder, marching him up to the door like he was a kid who’d just broken the neighbor’s window. At the time, it had felt like a death sentence.

On the last day of school before winter break, 3:30 hits and he waits, hands fisted in his coat pockets and breath frosting the air, while kids trickle out. They’re all wrapped up in their puffy winter jackets, the kindergartners looking like little marshmallows with legs. A sea of colorful bobble hats stampede around his knees as their moms herd them off.

“They have parts on the back called the stabilizers and they can fly this- look- this close-” He hears Rey before he sees her, gushing about her new favorite thing this week, the Blue Angels. They’d watched a couple of videos on YouTube after he told her how his grandpa and his uncle both used to fly with them, and she’d been hooked.

“Really? That sounds very dangerous.”

Ever since The Incident, Mr. Hux had taken to walking her out of the school building most days. Today, in concession- or maybe it’s in surrender- to the holidays, he’s decked out in a pastel green shirt and a festive tie.

Ben crosses his arms as Hux steers Rey straight to him.

“Time for the prisoner transfer,” Ben says, setting a serious look on his face. Rey rolls her eyes at him, but he’s rewarded when her teacher huffs a little laugh.

“She’s your responsibility for the next two weeks,” Hux says, matching his tone.

“I’ll rough her up if there are any problems.” Ben ruffles Rey’s hair with one large hand.

“Hey!” she yelps.

Hux laughs, and Ben is suddenly aware, with a low sinking in his stomach, that this is the last time he’ll see him until after New Years. Somehow, he’s kinda gotten used to exchanging hellos every afternoon.

“So Hux, you have any big plans for the holidays?”

“Christmas. Family. The usual.”

“Wow, don’t sound too excited,” Ben deadpans, then inwardly cringes. That’s the kind of tacky shit his dad would say.

“Is anyone our age excited to spend a week with their parents?” Hux replies mildly, and Ben can take a hint when he quickly changes the subject. “What about you two? This is your  first Christmas together, I believe.”

There had been a couple of holidays when Rey was a baby, before he got arrested. The three of them together like a real family. They usually ended in shouting, and anyway Rey’s too young to remember them. He doesn’t count those. “Yeah, first one. Uh...” he says, “Probably food and presents. Normal family stuff.”

It’s still weird to say, but something about it makes him want to smile. Family stuff. Their family.

“We have a tree!” Rey interrupts with a little bounce. The yarn ball on top of her hat gives an excited wobble.

“I’m glad,” Hux says. He never used that fake ‘adults talking to little kids’ voice. It was something Ben liked about him. “Christmas isn’t the same without a tree.”

“It’s tiny. I think it’s a midget. But it’s really green and it smells like Christmas.”

Ben tries not to laugh and fails. “Rey...”

It was a dinky thing, one of those dwarf trees from the 24-hour grocery store, but it was real and Rey was crazy about it. She’d never had a tree that wasn’t made out of plastic before.

“This is going to be so better than last year!” She’d babbled, bouncing around the cart holding their tiny tree as he pushed it out of the store. “We didn’t even have a tree last year because mom forgot to get one, even though I reminded her like every day. All we had was Oscar’s stupid ugly wreath made out of beer cans. We didn’t even have lights.”

Ben had decided then that next year he was going to start saving up earlier and they’d go to one of those tree farms and he’d let her pick out the biggest one they could find.

“Have you decorated it yet?”

“Yeah! Show the pictures!” Rey latches on to Ben’s arm, clinging and letting her feet dangle. She’s small for her age, and skinny. It’s no trouble to lift her with one arm. “Pictuuuures,” she whines.

“She took about ten thousand pictures of this sad little Charlie Brown tree with my phone,” Ben says to Hux, apologetic.

“I’d love to see them.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Somehow Ben ends up standing beside Hux, holding out his phone, with Rey crammed warm in between them while she swipes through Christmas tree pictures, offering little comments on each one. Hux actually seems interested in it, asking Rey questions and huddling closer to Ben for warmth. Hux isn’t wearing a jacket. Ben can feel the way he’s holding himself stiff against the chill.

Ben shifts to the side so that he can shield them both from the worst of the cold breeze when the wind picks up.

“Alright munchkin, we gotta go,” he says finally, “Mister Hux is going to freeze.”

“Okay, bye, mister Hux!” Rey beams. “Have a good Christmas!”

“You too, Rey.”

“Bye, Armitage.” He didn’t mean it to sound teasing. It still felt weird to call the teacher by his first name. Ben tended to ration it, like a secret treat.

“Ben,” Hux nods in return.

“Hey, nice tie, by the way,” he calls back they turn to leave. Okay, that one he meant to be teasing. The thing was red and green and covered in bright cartoon Christmas trees. Glittery ones. Ben’s pretty sure he saw that tie for sale at Walmart.

“Thank you,” Hux’s jaw is stiff. He looks like he is trying very hard not to either sigh or roll his eyes. It’s the look of defeat. “My class got it for me.”

[disparx]

6 hours post op

I’m fucking post op y'all!!!!!

I’m gonna try to recount my whole surgery experience as best I can.

I got up at 6:30 and had a shower (last one until August 30 rip). I got dressed in sweatpants, a big button down shirt and a binder. Then I went outside and waited for my taxi, which came at 8:30. I talked to the taxi driver in French for a bit until he realized I was from Ontario, then he switched to English. He was like: *french* “so you have a surgery today? You’re a girl and you’re turning yourself into a boy, is that right?” It was funny. We talked about trans stuff for a bit, which was weird but cool, things like what barriers trans people face to getting surgery and how bottom surgeries are different than top surgery.

I arrived at the clinic at around 8:45 and filled out some forms - basic medical and consent forms, and then one data collection form which, among other things, asked the gender identity and sexual orientation of my whole extended family.

I got a bed with a curtain in a room off to the side of the lobby. I changed into hospital gowns and a nurse took my blood pressure and stuff. She gave me a tiny amount of water for 3 pills (two Tylenol, one anti-inflammatory). I also had to pee in a cup. Then I had to wait until 10:30 to be summoned by my surgeon. I was very cold while I was waiting, and I asked for a blanket and curled into a ball on my bed.

At 10:30 I was led into another waiting room. After a bit I was greeted by Dr. Bensimon. He was very nice. He told me I would be getting double incision, and that he doesn’t use drains (BLESS). Then he drew on my chest with marker, showing where the incisions would be and where my nipples would go.

(Edit: forgot to mention, he literally used a LEVEL when he was drawing on me to try to ensure that my chest would end up symmetrical.)

After Dr. Bensimon I met my anesthesiologist. I gave oral consent to the anaesthesia and she determined that I should get my IV in my elbow. I started crying a bit here because I’m scared of needles AND drugs.

After the anesthesiologist, a nurse took me to the operating room. I cried a bit. They had me take off my outer gown and lie on the table. They asked me a few basic questions in English and tried to talk about me amongst themselves in French but jokes on them I know French too. They thought that was funny. They took my blood pressure again while the anesthesiologist started preparing my elbow for the IV. I started crying really hard at this point and they were concerned. They made sure I wanted the procedure and consented to it and was ready for it. Then they put the IV in and I cried more cuz I have a pathetic pain tolerance. They made sure I was ready again, told me to think about nice things so I wouldn’t cry again when I came round, and put me under.

The first time I was conscious after that was in the recovery room at 12:30. They told me they woke me up in the operating room before they moved me, and I did vaguely remember a “dream” involving nurses and surgery stuff, but just like a dream, I couldn’t remember what had actually happened. I woke up very gradually. The first thing I was fully conscious of was the pain in my incisions. It wasn’t unbearable, maybe a 4 or 5. My vision would swim when I tried to focus on things, and I felt a bit dizzy. I stayed in the recovery room for half an hour, and a machine took my blood pressure every 5 minutes. Belle got wheeled in beside me and I said hi. Our short, very slurred conversation consisted of her saying she couldn’t feel her vagina, me saying my incisions hurt, and us telling each other we were proud of each other, and then she fell asleep.

Then I got wheeled back to the room on the side of the lobby I was in earlier and they helped me kinda scooch onto the other bed. I laid there for a while and eventually they gave me some water, and then orange juice a bit later. They gave me oxycodone, anti-inflammatory pills, and laxatives as take-home medication. When some of the dizziness had gone away, they made me go pee, then they took my IV out and we (my mom and I) got on another taxi back.

I’ve been resting since then. I tried to sleep but the anaesthesia is making me itch in random places every two seconds, which makes it difficult. I ate dinner and then started writing this post.

My pain is currently around a 3 or 4, after having taken an oxycodone and an anti-inflammatory with dinner. It kinda feels like a big bruise, with occasional sharper pain. I can’t stand up straight and pretty much any amount of movement is somewhat painful. Adjusting my position is the most painful. But since I don’t have drains I’m p sure I can lie on my side, which is awesome.

Afaik my dressings consist of nipple graft dressings, a big white bandage taped on (itchy :/), and an ace bandage wrapped real tight. You’d think that would be painful but any pain from that is minimal compared to the pain from my incisions, and I can feel how the ace bandages are helping my incisions stay closed. All in all, my dressings come out almost as much as my boobs did lol. I’ll post a pic of them when I am able. They’re not going anywhere for a while.

I’m post op guys!! I did it!