#our internet was bad enough when it was just me and devot

[prismatoxic]

clearly we do not have the internet speed to be sharing this house with 2 extra people. i am fucking suffering rn

[erosastro]

｡:ﾟSynastry Observations ❣️ﾟ:｡(part 1)

❣️Venus conjunct Moon

I cannot stress enough how much I love Venus conjunct Moon aspects in synastry. It's so so wholesome. You instantly trust each other and there's so much of care and understanding between the two of you. Even in my close friendships, this is a really beautiful aspect to have because there's so much of empathy and love and something just clicks between you two, especially a tighter orb. Venus person sees right through the Moon person and the Moon person can express themselves freely and openly, being at their most vulnerable without worry about judgement.

❣️Moon opposite Moon

So hear me out... I know this might be controversial but I love this aspect so much. Two people who are so different in so many ways but at the core, they're the same. They can learn so much from each other, especially if they both have the patience to. This is a ride or die pair who are super drawn to each other and constantly find themselves in the other person's presence. My personal favourites that I've seen are cancer/capricorn and libra/aries. This can also work well for Sun opposite Sun.

❣️Venus conjunct Pluto

So this might also be a controversial one lol. It's tethering dangerous territory, honestly because it can get obsessive really quickly and as a result turn toxic but, if both individuals are mature enough, this is unconditional love and devotion to each other and a magnetic attraction, where the couple cannot keep their hands off of each other. This can work really well imo if as I said, two of them are mature enough and there are other good aspects to support this.

❣️Venus opposite Uranus

I call this one my "love at first sight" aspect. It's so so magnetic and the two are so drawn to each other, there's a pull they can't explain and they're completely fascinated by the other person. It can get unpredictable especially with Uranus being unpredictable paired with Venus who wants stability. I do like this aspect though especially, again, if paired with other good ones because it can be so exciting, constantly keeping the other person on their toes.

❣️Mercury trine/sextile Mars

The two bond over common interests and can stimulate each other's minds comfortably. They're the adventurous couple, always coming up with new and random dates where other people would be like??? seriously?? I remember having this with an ex and our idea of a fun date was reading our books together, which other people found strange but it's because we bonded over a common interest. This couple rarely falls into a monotonous routine and always tries to keep life exciting.

❣️Sun sextile/trine Jupiter

This couple loves being in each other's presence and always finds themselves in a good mood when the other person is around, especially for the Sun person when Jupiter person is around them. They're understanding of each other's flaws and can focus on the bigger picture rather than being too nit picky and irritating the other person.

❣️Jupiter sextile/trine Neptune

Apparently this is rare? I'm not entirely sure as I've only heard that recently but I suppose it's because Neptune spends a while in each sign? In any case I did have this aspect once with a partner. They're so generous and supportive of one another's goals and dreams, jupiter constantly uplifting and encouraging Neptune and Neptune inspiring Jupiter. Lovely spiritual and idealogical growth can be achieved with this aspect.

❣️Saturn trine Sun

Having good Saturn aspects in synastry is very important in my opinion because Saturn does dictate the longevity of a relationship and it represents karma. It's not to say if there's bad aspects, the relationship won't work out, but it certainly wont help, which is why Harmonious aspects here are important. There's a good balance with this aspect and mutual effort towards the relationship, paired with loyalty and confidence. You see this aspect a lot with married couples.

❣️Ascendent conjunct Sun

They find a lot in common with each other and have a lot of respect and admiration for the other person. Also something I see in either longer friendships or romantic relationships. I have this with my best friend as well. There's just similar goals and mindsets and the two can work in beautiful harmony together. There's strong physical attraction too in romantic relationships and some people also call this one the "love at first sight". They both wish to be like each other.

❣️Venus conjunct Mars

Talk about sexual attraction... this is Instantaneous "I want to rip your clothes off right here right now". There's strong romantic and sexual attraction and this aspect ensures sex life can never get boring between the two especially paired with other Harmonious aspects. This can work well platonically too because it can be exciting. This is a classic aspect for synastry I think a lot of astrologers love.

｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡

Part 2 soon (bc I reached the audio limit...)

[bettsfic]

Hi betts! Hope you're doing good! Do you have any advice on how to distance yourself from social media? I saw that you've done so with success and the older I get the more I feel a bit trapped by the internet.

social media certainly has benefits: keeping people connected, giving a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have a platform, and it allows you to meet new people in the context of interest rather than location.

at least, these are the things social media set out to be, and over time those benefits, to me anyway, haven't been able to outweigh the drawbacks: compulsively checking apps, doomscrolling, content appearing by algorithm to attempt to cater to my interests, and just generally a lot of wasted time.

i don't necessarily believe that if you stop using social media, suddenly you'll be able to devote every minute of your day to a higher pursuit. the brain doesn't work like that. it always needs downtime. before phones, we had television. before television, we had radio. lacking glowing screens and people telling us things from far away, i think we'd all spend a lot of time looking at the things humans are built to look at: fire, water, mountains, sky. we'll listen to stories or read them or watch them.

during your mind's downtime, i don't think anything you decide to do is fundamentally better or worse than any other thing. but i do think social media is designed to manipulate our attention toward it during that downtime (and honestly, all other times) and that pisses me off. it also pisses me off that even though we impose cause-and-effect sequences to our interaction with social media, it doesn't often provide us with a narrative the way reading, watching tv, or listening to a podcast would. stories are a psychological necessity; without the mind's ability to perceive sequences of events and connect them, we wouldn't have memories. we would have no concept of time, of thinking into the past or casting our thoughts into the future. social media, in its drive to keep us scrolling, looking at posts with no narrative connection to one another, deprives us of the stories our minds seek during our downtime.

this got super long so i'm putting it under a cut. tl;dr you need to remove social media as a positive stimulus and build immediate positive stimuli into other aspects of your life. in other words, social media feels good immediately but neutral or bad over time; most other things like reading feel bad or neutral initially but good over time. so you have to find ways to make the latter feel good with the immediacy of the former.

i don't mean to be "old man shakes fist at cloud" about this. i'm a millennial. from facebook's widespread release through the beginning of the pandemic, i raced to every new social media platform. i was an early myspace adopter. my high school graduating class was the very first year people outside of college could use facebook, and so we're the first cohort to have all befriended each other before graduation and never lost touch, completely removing the appeal of a reunion. i joined twitter in 2008 but never used it, and i joined tumblr in 2012 and never stopped using it.

i remember the day i got a smartphone. i was a few years behind everyone else. it was 2010 and i'd just gotten my first office job and i was desperate to be able to look at social media, scroll through stuff or read something, when i was bored. it was an iPhone 4. and as soon as i got it out of the box, i sat and played on it for 10 straight hours.

for those of you who are too young to remember a time before smartphones, i can't emphasize enough how much they changed things. in my life, i went from waking up and eating breakfast and reading for a little bit, to waking up and eating breakfast and getting on my computer to look at facebook and read my daily webcomics, to waking up and reaching over to my nightstand and looking at my phone.

and i don't know, i just decided i didn't want that anymore. last fall i was at this artist residency with no cell service and barely any wifi. and one day the wifi went out. i had a visceral negative reaction to that, which made me step back and go, oh wow, i am way too tethered to the internet. that day, wandering around the property with nothing to do, i got this intense urge to read an old paperback novel. you know, the mass market paperbacks with the pulpy yellow paper and the misaligned typeface. and so i found a very old copy of fellowship of the ring, cracked it open, and read it all day.

the thing about getting away from social media is that it's slow. i don't think you can really go cold turkey. when i got home from the residency, i went on a long hiatus and had all these strict rules for myself about when i was allowed to look at my phone and when i wasn't, but that didn't really work for me. but i did delete all the social media apps from my phone, and on my computer i logged out of all of them and deleted my saved passwords, so if i wanted to check them, i had to go to that extra step of logging in and even typing in my password. and that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're checking social media out of habit, muscle memory, something to attend to that might give you a brief blip of dopamine, having to type your password is just one step too far. the brief pleasure i would get from checking my notifications was less than the hassle of logging in.

and that's what it all comes down to: feeling good. in the moment, it feels good to check a social media app, to see that somebody has interacted with your content or maybe with you directly. it's that tiny subconscious exclamation point, the feeling we get when somebody politely smiles or waves at us, when a dog comes up to us wagging his tail, when a well-meaning stranger compliments your outfit. that's the social part of social media. but that's also the part that keeps us cycling through our apps out of habit and boredom.

so you have to take away that stimulus from yourself, and you have to create positive stimuli elsewhere. to take away the positive stimulus of social media, you have to stop posting content on it. content is the mind killer. when you tweet something, your impulse might be to check that someone has interacted with it. but if you step away from the great conversation of social media, nobody speaks back to you, and you develop more patience for the longer-term good feelings of reading a book.

of course, that's complicated. i guess the first step that i did a long time ago was losing interest in traffic and developing the internal validation skills that make interaction on social media a bonus, not a need. before that, though, i had a drive to be seen and listened to. i think i just grew out of that. regardless of the existence of the internet, all people throughout history have spent their lives developing their relationship with themselves, learning who they are and coming to accept it. i'm not sure there's a way to rush that inner journey along.

creating positive stimuli is a matter of adopting a kind of little-treat attitude toward things. you have to really pay attention to yourself. the day i picked up the fellowship of the ring, i remembered that paper is important to me. vitally important. i like to write on it. i like to read from it. and it's kind of weird to say "paper is my special interest," but it is. all tools of writing interest me. so acknowledging that, accepting it and choosing to accommodate it, was my first small goal of building immediate positive stimuli.

some of the connection we have to social media (and phones in general) is the physical habit that develops from it. when smokers quit smoking, their hands feel empty. they're used to having something between their fingers, and so they replace that with something like a pen or a straw.

for me, i replaced the physical habit of phone-checking with paper-holding, either in the form of a book, or a notebook and pen. i set about finding my perfect notebook: the one that feels best to hold, the one i'm eager to fill, the one whose paper is quality enough that i love to write on it. the one i found and that kind of changed my life was a Rhodia A4 spiral bound. i take it everywhere with me. in fact i went to the doctor earlier this week and because i was holding my notebook, it didn't even occur to me to look at my phone while i was waiting for the doctor to see me, even though it was in my pocket (and i did download tumblr again, and instagram to support my sister, who is kind of a local influencer). the positive stimulus of looking at it had become less than the positive stimulus of holding my notebook. the potential to easily write something or doodle felt better than the distraction of social media.

did my doctor probably think it was weird that i was taking notes? maybe. did i look weird sitting in the theater before seeing oppenheimer, brainstorming barbie fic ideas? definitely. but i just don't care anymore. sometimes making healthy choices for yourself in a world built to manipulate your attention makes you look weird.

my advice is to spend a week without social media apps on your phone, logged out of them on your computer, and pay very close attention to the things that make you happiest. find ways to interact with those things continuously, and see what happens.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello, Sir! Can I have some misunderstanding tropes? I want a fake/pretended relationship with other people to be specific, but that might be too specific, and if so, your favorite misunderstanding is more than fine. Crack or angst, romantic or platonic All is well!!😉

Hi. We have loads of fics on our #misunderstandings and #fake/pretend relationship tags, so make sure to check those! Here are some more to add to the collection...

The Great Theodolphus by entanglednow (T)

In which Crowley wakes to a new century, and finds he's not quite over his argument with Aziraphale. He also has unexpected competition for the angel's affection.

One Dance Whose Steps I Never Could Learn by hapax (T)

Or, Five Times Crowley Took Romantic Advice From Anathema (plus One Time He Took Romantic Advice From Newt)

“Shaddup,” Crowley said, a bit of fondness leaking into his voice. “We’re not friends, neither. You’re just this bint who I tempt into ditching her fiancé on a monthly basis.” “And you are just this camp old horror that comes to me to whine about his boyfriend-who-isn’t-really-his-boyfriend,” she retaliated, resting her chin on her folded hands.

Anathema Device has the perfect plan for tempting Aziraphale to realize that he ought to be with Crowley (not to mention distracting herself from own upcoming wedding): adapting scenarios from cheesy rom-coms. Crowley is doubtful, but hasn’t got one single better idea.

A Different Kind of Arrangement by mar_map (G)

Aziraphale really wishes that his family would stay out of his (non-existent) love life. To avoid being set up (again), Aziraphale has taken to the internet in the hopes of hiring someone to masquerade as his boyfriend for the next family holiday. Enter Crowley, the florist from down the street, ready to make some heads roll.

Talk About It by hope_in_the_dark (T)

Aziraphale and Crowley have been best friends for sixteen years. Crowley's been in love with Aziraphale for almost that long. When Aziraphale tells his family that he'll be bringing his boyfriend to his step-brother's wedding, things get a bit complicated.

A Fake Dating AU.

One Miraculous December by journeytogallifrey (T)

Candles. Mistletoe. An entire frozen lake. Festive memories from their past together keep appearing out of nowhere.

Crowley's sure he's manifesting them accidentally out of sheer romantic desperation. It's bad enough trying to hide his unrequited love as they grow closer post-Apocaloops - what if Aziraphale sees the objects for what they are, a window into his yearning soul? Unfortunately, the only way to banish the objects seems to be talking about each memory...

Meanwhile, Aziraphale is just trying to woo his demon boyfriend with big gestures, ready to prove his devotion. And if Crowley acts awkward about the miracles? Surely that's just his difficulty accepting affection. The solution: shower him with as much of it as possible...

Eventually these two will communicate, even if it takes 'til the end of the year. For now there will be cuddling, excuses for closeness, sappy words, flashbacks, nostalgia, bickering, and an obscene variety of holiday foods. Oh, and footnotes. That's right. We're doing those too.

- Mod D

[joesalw]

I just wish I was never a fan of her 😭 like the way I got pulled in was, I was attempting to take my English learning journey to a more vocal level yk? Because just grammar rules and spellings aren't gonna help you if you don't listen to spoken English.

And apparantly my friend made a whole playlist of Taylor's song because she listened to English music a lot, and I was blown away by her mediocre writing because again, I was young and a beginner in English.

That led me in a rabbit hole of her lore and when things got bad at home i wasn't allowed internet access so I only had my keypad phone with these downloaded songs so my exposure was limited to the western music world, you know?

And upon googling everyone was talking about how she is and it's Cute that she stalks fans for years and years (!! WTFFF) and invites them to her house if they are "devoted and true" to her (the biggest red flag what the hell).

And you know, i used to also think that everyone who hates her is just because she's a woman and the world doesn't like to see a successful woman. Now apparantly my brain has developed well enough to make judgements on my own and not take everything at face value, I can See everything is just fake about her.

"nobody calls out Ed Sheeran and Burno Mars when they write abt their exes" it's cause they don't revolve everything about themselves around their exes

And a dozen other things can be debunked just in a click if one sits down with their mind open.

It's scary how wide the fandom is and how far they'll go to defend her, remember them romanticising Ma*ty ??? Ewww

I guess depraved "idols" attract depraved people

i saw a post where swifties were dragging Brittany Mahomes or whatever her name is, for doing a campaign with kim kardashian because it goes against swiftie culture. But before that, they were defending her of being a sexual assault apologist saying "it was just an aggressive kiss" like can you imagine how toxic that cult is? I've seen the lines they crossed to defend matty healy and most of them were whites which tell alot itself. I'm so glad for people like you and i and other anons out here who has come out of that web. at least we have our own morals and judgemental process to define what is right and wrong instead of believing everything she potrays with her terrible acting and pr schemes.

and about the ed sheeran and bruno mars topic, can you tell me one name of their exes? At least i can't tell a name, let alone say which song is about whom. it's because they don't make their relationship a public circus like her. the problem with taylor swift is we can exactly tell who she was dating at what point and who the song is about. her own fans jump into this first so why won't media feed into it? it's not her fans' fault either because she has created this marketing strategy of having a parasocial relationship with her fans, so they think they have rights to do so, because they have to defend their pop princess from her villain exes because they hurt her. it's all so ridiculous lol

[sparqx]

To think I almost loved you… Not so trite a way as to cater to your sexual congress but in that way that a gardener does so love their garden. Devoting a little moment here and there to guarding each and every leaf and pedal, to digging through dirt, eliminating weeds, feeding and nurturing them, and all for what? A harvest maybe, but often enough just a beautiful flower to appreciate for what it is… That’s all I ever wanted… To be able to watch you grow… To simply be privy to your experiences and to be there to shield you from the cruelty of the world. What a strange thing it is that so many would do anything for such selfless appreciation from another human being and often I have seen it being that which is most dearly needed and lacking in so many people’s lives, and you whom I thought so brilliant and marvelous fail to even acknowledge it let alone to appreciate it so dear… Truly the greatest mistakes of first coming to know the world tend to be to know loss both not of our own fault as well as to choose so foolish as to suffer losses we did not need to accept… Such a fool I am to think I could save you from such naivety instead of becoming the victim of its cruelty.

Where did the person I first met go? The courageous boy that came for me over a silly comment made in bad taste? What happened to that boy that was so vibrant and just he’d not stand for the mistreatment of a common place worker even only in jest. I bent the knee immediately to how furiously you bludgeoned me with well articulated words that you did not spout maliciously but crafted with every intention to sway me from being so insensitive. I barely knew a face much more than I did the catfish that plague the internet, and I have only but once heard your voice, yet even though I have nothing to see or hear to reflect on of what we became, there is a darkness in the pit of my heart where you once lived in my highest regard. I believed you when you proclaimed us best friends though it was such a long forgotten thing to believe anyone making such claims, but for some reason I chose to believe you whom I so dearly valued not as my own but as someone whom I believed in. Your words were so eloquent and seductive, it’d been ages since I had a decent conversation with higher thought and passions, and even when our topic of conversation would sink to lustful and carnal desires, you would capture my attention with the most profoundly provocative expressions of your thoughts, and in no small way, I felt as though I’d found something I’d so long ago forgotten I’d been looking for, I forgot what it even is, but you were that… or I thought.

I thought we’d been friends forever… a foolish notion I’d thought I’d learned better than to believe of anyone particularly with oh so many friendships sworn to forever long ago and not even half as long ago did end each and every one with bitterness and betrayal. I don’t know what I was thinking to believe you as if I’d not lived the experiences from which I presumed I might be of worth in aiding you in life. I guess I wanted to believe once again it were possible to love and be loved and to not feel so god damn alone. You surprised me all the time, even encouraged me to believe my days were not all gone nor my hope lost, and once again, I believed you… Something I’d so many times had to learn were a foolish mistake, but I believed you once again, and then again, and again.

So dearly I began to love you in a way that doesn’t fit any contemporary role given it were like a lover, but with no contempt for your girlfriend, but was also like you were a little brother, a nephew, or something just the same… I suppose it’s quite madness indeed to develop a paternalistic romance with some eloquently spoken young man I rarely saw more than a small handful of pictures of and would so quickly see to ghost my archaic ass, but I never cared much for the concept of sanity or taking the easy road… What adventure comes of a boring life that hasn’t the capacity to dream of new kinds of love not even yet named? What kind of bland unfulfilling existence this is if there’s not a better way to exchange love amongst one another than the utterly miserable ball and chain matrimonial child birthing for military conquest that’s so staple it’s repulsive? I thought there was something more to us… I swear I know there was… I can feel its remains dying inside me and the end of the songs it sang of hope and love and new chances… I am suffocating every day without them. But what can I do? You not only decided on a whim to erase me over even more insane a reason than were the friendship even founded on, and you set out friendship ablaze and abandoning me without any explanation or even aware that you’d ended our friendship forever.

And even though I did nothing wrong, I begged for you to tell me and regardless of what it were, I would remedy it and never do it again. I forfeited every drop of my dignity and bawling my eyes out pleaded like I were pleading for my life, and for weeks you didn’t even respond. You left me to sink deep into the darkest memories my life has lead me through and made me relive my nightmares trapped alone, locked out, discarded, and quickly replaced. And when you finally break your silence, you feed me false hopes of reconciliation, lead me to think it will be okay, that you WONT become just another one of the wretched people that left me for all but death itself… and then you did it again.

You cause me of being akin to the one whom hurt you more maliciously than any other and in so doing accused me of being a predator, and from what do you draw this conclusion? A birthday card? One that I actually only thought to send as a gesture of appreciation for having you in my life. I’d even been working to put together poetry to touch your heart when I asked for your address… I had no foul intent, nor could even dream of a reason to do you wrong, let alone could and without any explanation for what came next, how am I supposed to know you struggled with trusting that information to someone? You didn’t tell me, you just erased me like the years of friendship were nothing at all… Ran to whatever random chick that would pat your head and feed you what you wanted to hear that I was an evil bad predator man… Right. Years of couching you and pouring hours of my time into entertaining you, supporting you, guiding you, and all else wise you just dismiss as I guess a front in a long winded attempt to rape you sight unseen even though hundreds of far more enthusiastic volunteers between here and anywhere you could be that’ve long spammed my DMs with the common place nudes trying to bait me like a common animal… To think I thought you saw me differently… to think I’d known you to be loyal at all to those most loyal to you. It burns my heart with flames black with anguish that I feel so deceived and used yet again. What worse, what good does it now to believe anything you convinced me of? You prove yourself a liar as we were not best friends nor were we much of friends at all so easily ended. What of these ambitions you made me set out on? I am too deeply committed and proclaimed them to not try, but when they fail, the sorrow will kill me without question given I am not the fortified warrior I were last I fell to siege… but then what is the point of living otherwise? If you are anything in this end far sooner than what I expected, you’ve proven the rest of my life is damned to solitude, because what trust could I have again or hope left to cling to? You did not make the request with words, but you asked for the last drops of everything I could give in me to believe in you, to believe in myself, to believe that there were a purpose and to be at ease that I am not as you did in the end leave me — alone.

[through-being-a-christian]

i’ve never really Told my testimony before, because i’m not sure how much of one it is to even be called one?

but this my story / testimony(?), but vague enough for privacy:

I grew up in church, always dressed up and whatnot by my mom for Sunday school and our church’s biblical version of Boy/Girl Scouts. And being honest, I don’t remember much of these years ( Not for any bad reason I assure you!!! ), because I was young and had/have bad memory about the mundane parts of my childhood. I think that I believed in God? But maybe I only did because that’s what my family and friends all believed in, but I’ll never be sure.

When I moved states in 2016, I was probably cursing God because “How could He do this to me? To rip me from my friends and family so suddenly? (it was a period of a few months btw). I’ll never recover from this and will never forgive my parents >:(“ I lost all my friends and family in a matter of months, and was forced to make new friends at this prison-like middle school all alone, knowing absolutely no one and being so alone. This was probably when my depression started to make its way into my mind. I would like to mention in advance that I have been diagnosed with ADHD and General Anxiety Disorder since just before the Move.

I would say seventh grade is when I realized I was apart of the LGBTQ+ community, and this was a big realization. I wasn’t unaware of the community, my uncles were gay and they were married, so why would I have a problem with it? Then the Internet told me the whole “The Bible says its a Sin and its best not to associate with Christians as a queer” debacle (Not even going to talk about Westboro like dang). And that is probably when I started to question my faith.

I was listening to the anti-religious queer users online, and never looked at the Christian side of the argument, and yet I was trying to decide what I’d devote my time to. It ended up that I decided I was going to live for myself, not for others, and certainly not for God. The only reason I was still going to youth group, and church in general, at this point was because I had made a really close friend. That should be great, right? Except looking back, she only enabled and encouraged my turn to witchcraft in high school.

In high school, I was so deep into social media under the name Haelea because my name wasn’t “given to me with consent,” and I had started an altar and began my journey down witchcraft while simultaneously still going to church and hiding this massive secret of magick and queerness from my parents and family (big mistake obviously). I kept it going, and didn’t look back at what I Thought would (not actively Was) going to cause me pain when I would come out.

Then Covid hit. First round of quarantine was fine, because I had time to improve myself and improve my knowledge and craft, and I did some spells that ended up working (self-love spells due to insecurities). Summer was great too. Then fall came, and my mom’s Snapchat recommended my account to her. (I was NEVER allowed social media, and I never knew how to delete that snap account after one month of having it). She was pissed as all of everything. Came into my room (while watching TikTok mind you), asked for my phone, and left. I cried in my bathroom for however long it was, and thinking back I think it was my first anxiety attack.

As practically a digital citizen at that point, I was dying and crying without my phone and access to the internet. I was already years into s*icidal ideation, and for a moment I really truly considered it. Never had the guts nor balls to do it, even before this point. But in the state I lived in, it was entirely legal for parents to kick their kids out for being gay, and I was so terrified of being homeless that I started thinking of ways to get It done fast.

Skip some time, and part of the deal to get my phone back was by going to church, and being able to explain What was being preached during service. Essentially I was being quizzed on church. Eventually I had good behavior enough that I earned back my phone, only now it had a parental-controlled VPN and no internet access. I could call, text, or play mobile games that didn’t need wifi or internet. I was no longer netizen Haelea, I was just American Me.

Do I regret going behind my parents backs and lying for five years? Of course I do, but I felt most guilty because I didn’t follow one of the Ten Commandments of “Honor thy father and mother,” because now (still selfishly thinking), I would never “live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Ex 20:12).

It took a while, but by junior year I started believing again, and I was repenting so much, but not for selfish reasons anymore. Briefly junior year, I joined my school’s color guard, and made a new family that I could discuss religion with, and I think that helped one person go deeper (maybe not, maybe it was the Spirit working) and it helped me go deeper. I was going to church because I wanted to now, not because my parents made me. I wanted to go so I could learn for myself. I would go so that I could experience the community we as Christians are called to live. I learned so much that year, and I am eternally grateful for the Spirit to move me so much towards returning to the church of our Lord. This one university, the Christian one i attend, kept advertising at my high school, and I decided to visit as many of their meetings as I could. Not necessarily to dedicate my college-life to this school, but to open my mind to more than public or state-run schools.

Then senior year is when it became hard again, but not in a non-believing or witchcraft way. It became hard from asking “Why? Why is this happening? Why are you making this difficult?” At this point, I had to start enrolling in universities so I could graduate. The school mentioned previously, I almost didn’t apply to. I almost solely applied to state universities because of their acceptance rates being more doable for my low-academic-mind. I almost went to my state school too, because that’s where my friends were going. Why would I want to start anew all alone again?

Anyways I’m at the Christian university after a split second “No. Let’s dedicate myself to a Christian education. They have multitudes of degrees anyways, so I’m not limited to Bible study or ministry work if that is not what I am being called to do. If I am, great. If not, I’m still here and dedicated.” Somehow this surprised my parents. I think they expected me to choose the school with my friends and cheaper tuition because I have familial financial insecurity even though they tried to make sure I never noticed. They still want me to have the “full college experience” and so I am in a dorm on campus. I have a Biblical study class taught by a Dr, and it has helped my faith grow steadier than before.

This was my story, and we are caught up to the present. This blog is to document my journey and the difficulties I have and will deal with in my faith in Christianity.

I do not judge, because I will be judged (Rev. 20:12).

I care because I am called to love and show compassion (1 Cor. 13:4-10) (John 11:41).

I believe because God is good, and there is no doubt to be had in His plan.

I will struggle, and I will fall, and I will stray from the path. But I have to try my darnedest to stay on path and to get back up and regain balance. If I do not try, then I will have don’t nothing with this life intended of worship that He has gifted to me. I will be unworthy of his love if I do not try to follow.

As of now, I stand in my faith, even if it is more of sand than stone that reaches my chest. Beneath the sand is the foundation, and I will wait for the sand to blow away to reveal the stone that which my life was built upon. I will stand as sturdy as I can.

Thank you for reading. May your day/afternoon/night be blessed, and I will pray as well as I can for you.

Sincerely, Me.

[seaottersandstrings]

something lgbt just happened to me (extreme emotional pain edition)

(ignore me I just need an internet void to scream in where she wont see it or read if you’re nosy and willing to be nice about it)

(also if anyone has any advice for how to not be so fucked up about the girl who is kinda your ex but not really (in the “never actually dated but we both had feelings and acted like it a lot” way) officially dating a new person for the first time since she shattered your heart into a million tiny pieces please dm me said advice this is 100% serious)

like we have all the same friends and it’s been over half a year so I feel weird talking to irl people about it. even I am surprised at how intensely the emotions punched me in the lungs when she told us she has a bf now. like cmon brain I knew we weren’t over this but I thought we were at least getting better. 

also there’s the added fun layer of “her own internalized biphobia and biphobic family members made it so our connection was always laced with shame and repression and suffering anyway.” and now she gets to celebrate this moment with friends and family and do boy talk with her mom and ask her parents for advice about this guy she’s known for a couple months and have an easy friends to lovers arc with him. while I was stuck listening to her family coo over how she should get back with her ex bf once he transferred to our college while she and I were literally sleeping in the same bed the night before. but bc I’m not a guy ofc nothing could possibly have been going on there. 

like you’re telling me I was in a years-long, will-they-won’t-they sufferfest where I was embarrassingly emotionally devoted to this person only for npc #3 to crawl out of the woodwork and get the instant stamp of approval for wanting to get to know her better and giving it the old college try? 

and to be clear I’m not blaming her she feels how she feels and obviously the bi/homophobia is a societal/community level issue. it just sucks so bad to fall so deeply in love with someone over such a long time and have those feelings be treated less seriously because of things we can’t control. like just on top of the regular heartbreak of it all. and believe me the regular heartbreak of it all is more than enough for my little eggshell heart to handle. 

and on a regular heartbreak level it also sucks because she’s a good person that I genuinely care about on a non-romantic level and still think very highly of. like our relationship wasn’t and still isn’t perfect but she’s one of the best people in my life and an objectively decent human being. so it’s not like I can even rationalize to myself “well it was toxic” (actually maybe the dynamic was but like SHE wasn’t a toxic person y’know) or “she treated me badly” or “she sucks so I’m better off now anyway.” like no she’s wonderful and her new bf is very lucky life just sucks sometimes. 

did I mention she and I are still best friends and even though we live in different cities now which helps I still have to pretend to be totally 100% excited about this for the sake of being a good bestie? like god I love being a lesbian if I had to do life all over again and got a choice I would choose to be queer every single goddamn time. but this is the most painful shit I’ve ever felt in my life and that’s a pretty high bar at this point. especially since this is technically not my first heartbreak but it’s my first one since realizing I’m a lesbian and not bi and started having a lot of The Piercing Loneliness of Breaking Every Societal Expectation feelings about it. like I think my brain was unintentionally pulling a “maybe I’ll turn out normal-passing” on itself (which is total bullshit) for a while there. and even though I know that was bullshit coming to terms with being a lesbian was so much harder for me than coming to terms with being queer at all and everything related to it has just felt so much more intense since. 

and on some level I’m also jealous bc she got out and can have a relationship she can celebrate and talk about with her family without fear and I can never have that. like bi people obviously go through so much shit and have a hard time getting both straight and gay people to take them seriously and as someone who lived that (in the “other people treated me like I was bi bc we all thought I was” sense) and thought that was who I was for 7 years I would never want to diminish that but oh my god being on the other side now I can understand how easy it is to let yourself get bitter. And I never want to be that person but at the same time speaking purely of my own experience it didn’t take me so long (2+ years) to figure out I was a lesbian because I just didn’t know like at some point deep down I knew especially near the end of my questioning era but I kept asking myself “well are you SURE?” because didn’t want to face the loneliness of it. Of closing the door on the last possible chance I had for my family and I to bond over something in a normal way for once. And coming out again was incredibly freeing but I also had to be willing to break my own heart to do it and the compounding heartbreak is just so much. 

anyway if anyone is reading this I love you and I hope you’re having a better day than me. happy new year. 

[heart-forge]

FAQ

Hi, welcome to the blog, sorry about the digital mess. You've found my FAQ, which I ask that you review in brief before you send in questions: just to avoid doubling up, or maybe just brushing up on some ask etiquette. Without further ado, here's some stuff.

Housekeeping

Where can I donate?

I accept donations through Ko-fi! Donating any amount gets you full access to Manor Hill when there's a full Manor Hill to access, as well as some essays about gaming and storytelling that I've written in a furious passion, and some character shorts. It also wins you my devotion.

When will [x] update? Where is the update?

So, my general rule is that I cycle through properties and love interests. If Manor Hill is the most recently updated property, then the next to be updated will be Bad Ritual. This is subject to my own whims, of course, but at the very least you can be reassured that the most recently updated title will not be the next updated title.

I don't do update schedules, mostly because this is a side gig. If I made enough money to live off of it, I could be more consistent: until then, I have to prioritize paying my bills.

Also, you may not intend it but this question does come off as a little rude. Lots of IF authors, including myself, are doing this as a side gig on top of other, real-life demands. As I suggested, a good way to hurry along updates is to donate and free up our time to write. If you just mean to ask what's being updated next, if something is on hiatus, or just to express that you love a title and want to know what happens next? Say that, instead of suggesting that you're looking at your watch and tapping it meaningfully.

Questions About Character Asks

Blanket statement for this category: don't worry. If I don't want to answer it, I will ignore it without thinking twice.

Can I send NSFW asks?

Sure, within reason (of course). Just keep in mind that some questions might prompt big annoying essays on gender and relationship politics (ie top and bottom is neither indicative of gender roles in a relationship nor is it the internet's shortest personality test), and others might be ignored just because I'm not interested in hyperspecific questions (ie things about the mechanics of sex, or sexual questions about an MC so specific that it toes the line of me RPing sex with your OC).

Can I sent angsty asks?

Sure, of course, but the same general principle of the NSFW asks applies here in a big way. It's easy to point at a very specific snippet of NSFW and think "that's a little inappropriate to send to a stranger", but people think a little less about sending me angst. If it's hyperspecific to your own OC to the point where I'm roleplaying stalking your OC, I don't want to do it. These games are supposed to be fun and I don't want to trigger anyone by inventing a situation where the MC is being stalked or harassed for the sake of doing a white knight thing with my characters.

If the angst is specific to the actual title (ie a bad day at work for BR, cabin fever for MH, or loneliness for Hybrid), then I'll absolutely answer! Same goes for OCs: I can talk about Trigger being touch starved or Siruud being emotionally closed off or Valerian being a desperate people-pleaser, or Mantis being deeply traumatized, but I don't necessarily want to invent trauma for them.

Title Specific Questions

Where do I put my complaints about Zed being nonbinary?

In the garbage, and don't come back. See here for the long answer, but keep in mind that this anon did apologise for sending the ask in the first place. It's just the most convenient write up I have for "I'm not changing your actual real life gender by making Zed NB so shut up and leave me alone".

What's the time period/technology level of MH?

MH is a setting of convenience. The general idea is that it's completely ahistorical—as in, it's not a period piece—and just made up. Maco has a kind of funky 80s chunky and unnecessary technology feel, Landow is a very pragmatic and functional technology setting, and Uresa is in the middle (ie MC would know of phones, but wouldn't be surprised that there aren't any in the manor).

Would Gnarl still leave if my MC did [x]?

This is a fun line of thinking, an angsty line of thinking, and not what I wrote. What I wrote was a Gnarl who always left, even if they felt bad about it, and regardless of whether or not your MC cried or was lonely or thought about them at all. This one is in the FAQ just because there was a stretch of time where I was getting different versions of this question every week, but unfortunately the answer is that there's no version of your MC who could prevent them from leaving because...well, you've played the game. They left anyway.

[itsclydebitches]

I don't think it's as bad in my rp fandom as what you're describing in OFMD, but only because what you're describing is so extreme it's pretty bonkers. (Also the fandom is 2+ years old so some of the in-you-face hostility died down in favour of people staying in their communities and doing a whole lot of vagueing.)

I think it's something that got worse with time. The fandoms known as toxic during the mid 2010s were so much different than the current fandom culture (or maybe just internet culture) we have now. My experience then (so obviously it could be subjective) was that there were a few toxic elements that got emphasized but were relatively easy to avoid, but now the toxicity seems to be the default.

Idk, it seems to me like with every fandom I get into the last few years it feels more toxic than the last. And maybe it's just recency bias or something but it really doesn't feel that way when every time some new brand of toxicity turns up.

I definitely don't want to be that old man shaking his cane at the sky going, "Back in MY day fandom didn't have drama!" because of course we did, it just took on different shapes. We could write whole histories dictating the changes fandom has undergone through the zine era, early Internet, the turn of the century, and now, but whether each change is better or worse really comes down to what we'll personally tolerate + how much we experience it in our circles + how much the past is colored by our nostalgia. All that being said, it certainly feels like fandom toxicity is worse nowadays, though I wonder how much of that is due simply to the exponential growth of "fandom" as a concept. It used to be that fandom (or rather, transformative fandom. Sports fandom is a whole other conversation) was a pretty niche thing and websites devoted to it were themselves fairly isolated corners of the Internet. Now we've reached an age where the average person can at least give you a basic rundown on fanfic (I can remember a time not too long ago when everyone I met irl needed a definition), where actors and writers are encouraged to directly connect their work to the community's interests ("What's your opinion on x ship??"), and the websites where fans gather double as everyone's social media go-tos: Tik Tok, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, even Facebook. And as we've all probably experienced, the bigger the fandom, the more potential for drama. Now that we've reached a place where everyone is instantly connected and "everyone" is involved in fandom somehow, is it any wonder that the toxicity seems to have exploded? Or, even if it hasn't, we're in an age where it's so much easier to see it. Back in the day, you were kinda forced to better cultivate your online circle simply due to the limitations of technology. Now, alongside a hefty dose of algorithms, we're bombarded with more takes per hour than we ever would come across during the earlier days of social media. The forums of old really can't compete with the posting intensity of twitter, nor even the new-ish trend of creating enough content to keep pace with the canon. With shows dropping all their episodes at once and all but forcing fans to binge lest they encounter the dreaded spoiler, we've got intense responses where everyone is simultaneously voicing opinions about the entirety of the story minutes after cramming it all into their head over 10+ hours. That's one of the (many) reasons why I miss a weekly schedule: it allows fans to slow down, consider the content, discuss next week's potential, and generally not indulge in a crazed desire to say All The Correct™ Things Right Now.

It's a lot and yeah, I'm not easily able to separate my own biased nostalgia from the objective changes that have occurred. Did more people really understand tl;dr better back in the day, or are my memories just highlighting the good times and the way things were structured meant I just never came across others' drama? Are writers and actors getting involved in fandom really the downfall we sometimes paint it to be, or was it inevitable given that so many of us grew up and got involved in these industries precisely because they sparked our passions? I can remember the days when we were begging for a better site than FFN, when the legality of fanworks was a legitimate threat, when celebrities publicly made fun of fans, going so far as to paint them as dangerously obsessed. We imagined a world where we could enjoy our hobby safely and without ridicule... and now we can! For however many problems have popped up alongside the change in fan culture, I do try to step back on occasion and go, "Look at how much better other things are too. You're not getting cease and desist letters in the mail. No one can erase all your hard work overnight. The actor you respect is celebrating you, not laughing at you on SNL." Objectively speaking, fandom may indeed have gotten more toxic and I definitely will never stop pushing the old courtesies in the hope that things will get better, but if any of that is a result of fandom going mainstream enough to secure these benefits... then fuck, I'll take the tradeoff. Especially because at the end of the day, tools remain in place to cultivate our own community. Yeah, it's frustrating when it feels like there's nothing but drama going on and getting anon hate always sucks, but provided there are filters and a block button, we can personally tackle toxicity in ways we couldn't personally fix a lot of the shit fandom was dealing with in the past.

[spockandawe]

Well, this is interesting! So, in that post yesterday, there was one line that really baffled me, a thing about people brushing off a character as an asshole “because he shows literally zero growth.” I kind of set that aside because it was such a weird non-sequitur, and guessed that it was just someone’s sentences not quite keeping up with their train of thought, which has happened to me many times. Apparently I was wrong! I already spent long enough on that one post, I’m tired of talking about that, but this is new and interesting. 

Okay. I kind of wanted to see if I could talk about this purely in terms of abstracts and not characters, but I don’t think it’ll work. It would be frustrating to write and confusing to read. It’s about Jiang Cheng. Right up front: This isn’t about whether or not he’s an abuser. Frankly, I don’t think it’s relevant. This also isn’t about telling people they should like him. I don't care whether anyone else likes him or not. But I do like him, and I am always fascinated by dissecting the reasons that people disagree with me. And the process of Telling Stories is my oldest hyperfixation I remember, which will become relevant in a minute.

I thought I had a good grasp on this one, you know? Jiang Cheng makes it pretty obvious why people would dislike Jiang Cheng. But then the posts I keep stumbling over were making weird points, culminating in that “literally zero growth” line.

So! What happened is that someone wrote up a post about how Jiang Cheng’s character arc isn’t an arc, it’s stagnation. It’s a pretty interesting read, and I broadly agree with the larger point! The points where I would quibble are like... the idea that it’s absolute stagnation, as opposed to very subtle shifts that still make a material difference. But still, cool! The post was also offered up as a reason why OP was uninterested in writing any more Jiang Cheng meta, which I totally get. I’m not tired of him yet, but I definitely understand why someone who isn’t a fan of his would get tired about writing about a character with a very static arc. Okay!

Now, internet forensics are hard. I desperately wish I had more information about this evolution, because I find this stuff fascinating, but I have no good way to find things said in untagged posts, reblogs, or private/external venues. But as far as I can tell, that “literally zero growth” wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it’s become fashionable for people to say that Jiang Cheng is an abusive asshole (that it’s fucked up to like) because he doesn’t have a character arc.

Asshole? Yes. Abusive? This post still isn’t about that. This is about it being fucked up to like this character because he did bad things and had a static character arc.

At first, that point of view was still deeply confusing to me. But I think I figured out the idea at the core of it, and now I’m only baffled. I’m not super interested in confirming this directly, because the people making the most noise about this have not inspired confidence in their ability to hold a civil conversation and I’m a socially anxious binch, but I think the idea is: ‘This character did Bad Things, and then did not improve himself.’

Which is alarmingly adjacent to that old favorite standard of ‘This piece of fiction is glorifying Bad Thing.’ I haven’t seen anyone accusing mxtx of something something jiang cheng, only the people who read/watched/heard the story and became invested in the Jiang Cheng character, but things kind of add up, you know?

Like I said, I don’t want to arbitrate anyone’s right to like/dislike Jiang Cheng. That’s such a fucking waste of time. But this is fascinating to me, because it’s like..... so obviously new and sudden, with such a clear originating point. I can’t speak to the Chinese fans, obviously, but exiledrebels started translating in... what, 2017? And only now, in 2021, do people start putting forth Jiang Cheng’s flat character arc as a “reason” that he’s bad? I’m not going to argue if he pings you in the abuse place, I’m not a dick. I’m not going to argue if you just dislike his vibes. I’m just over here on my blog and in the tag enjoying myself, feel free to detour around me. But oh my god, it’s so silly to try to tell other people that they shouldn’t like him because he has a static character arc.

I want to talk about stories. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to say, because it’s impossible to make broad, sweeping statements, because there are stories about change, there are stories about lack of change, there are all kinds of media that can be used to tell stories, and standards for how stories are told and what they emphasize vary across cultures and over time. But I think that what I can say is that telling a story requires... compromise. It requires streamlining. Trying to capture all the detail of life would slow down most stories to an unbearable degree. Consider organically telling someone ‘I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’ versus the computer science exercise of having students describe, step by step, how to make one (spread peanut butter? but you never said you opened the lid)

Hell, I’ve got an example in mdzs itself. The largely-faceless masses of the common people. If someone asks you to think about it critically like, yes, obviously these are people, living their own lives, with their own desires, sometimes suffering and dying in the wake of the novel plot. But does the story give weight to those deaths? Or does it just gloss by? Yes, it references their suffering occasionally, but it is not the focus, and it would slow the story unbearably to give equal weight to each dead person mentioned. 

Does Wei Wuxian’s massacre get given the same slow, careful consideration as Su She’s, or Jin Guangyao’s? No, because taking the time to weigh our protagonist with ‘well, this one was a mother, and her youngest son had just started walking, but now he’s going to grow up without remembering her face. that one only became an adult a few months ago, he still hasn’t been on many night-hunts yet, but he finds it so rewarding to protect the common people. oh, and this one had just gotten engaged, but don’t worry, his fiancee won’t mourn him, because she died here as well.’ And continuing on that way to some large number under 3000? No! Unless your goal is to make the reader feel bad for cheering for a morally grey hero, that would be a bad authorial decision! The book doesn’t ignore the issue, it comes up, Wei Wuxian gets called out about all the deaths he’s responsible for, but that’s not the same as them being given equal emotional weight to one (1) secondary character, and I don’t love this new thing where people are pretending that’s equivalent.

When Wei Wuxian brutally kills every person at the Wen supervisory office, are you like ‘holy shit... so many grieving families D:’ or are you somewhere between vindicated satisfaction and an ‘ooh, yikes’ wince? Odds are good you’re somewhere in the satisfaction/wince camp, because that’s what the story sets you up to feel, because the story has to emphasize its priorities (priorities vary, but ‘plot’ and ‘protagonist’ are common ones, especially for a casual novel read like this)

Now, characters. If you want to write a story with a sweeping, epic scale, or if you want to tightly constrain the number of people your story is about, I guess it’s possible to give everyone involved a meaningful character arc. Now.... is it always necessary? Is it always possible? Does it always make sense? No, of course not. If you want to do that, you have to devote real estate to it, and depending on the story you want to tell, it could very possibly be a distraction from your main point, like the idea of mxtx tenderly eulogizing every single character who dies even incidentally. Lan Qiren doesn’t get a loving examination of his feelings re: his nephews and wei wuxian and political turnover in the cultivation world because it’s not relevant, and also, because his position is pretty static until right near the end of the story. Lan Xichen is arguably one of the most static characters within the book, he seems like the same nice young between Gusu and the present, right up until... just before the end of the story.

You may see where I’m heading with this.

Like, just imagine trying to demand that every important character needs to go through a major life change before the end of your book or else it didn’t count. This just in, Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg go through multiple novels without experiencing radical shifts in who they are, stop liking them immediately. I do get that the idea is that Jiang Cheng was a ~bad person~ who didn’t change, but asdgfsd I thought we were over the handwringing over people being allowed to like ““bad”” fictional characters. The man isn’t even a canonical serial killer, he’s not my most problematic fave even within this novel.

And here is where it’s a little more relevant that I would quibble with that original post about Jiang Cheng’s arc. He’s consistently a mean girl, but he goes from stressed, sharp-edged teenager, to grief-stricken, almost-destroyed teen, to grim, cold young adult (and then detours into grim, cold, and grief-stricken until grief dulls with time). He does become an attentive uncle tho. He..... doesn’t experience a radical change in his sense of self, which... it’s...... not all that strange for an adult. And bam, then he DOES experience a radical change, but the needs of the plot dictate that it’s right near the end. And he’s not the focus of the story, baby, wangxian is. He has the last few lines of the story, which nicely communicate his changes to me, but also asdfafas we’re out of story. He was never the main character, it’s not surprising we don’t linger! The extras aren’t beholden to the needs of plot, but they’re also about whatever mxtx wanted to write, and I guess she didn’t feel like writing about Jiang Cheng ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But also. Taking a step backward. Stable characters can fill a perfectly logical place in a story. Like, look at Leia Organa. I’m not saying she has no arc, but I am saying that she’s a solid point of reference as Luke is becoming a jedi and Han is adjusting his perspective. I wouldn’t call her stagnant, the vibes are wrong, but she also isn’t miserable in her sadness swamp, the way Jiang Cheng is.

Or, hell, look at tgcf. The stagnant, frozen nature of the big bad is a central feature of the story. The bwx of now is the bwx of 800 years ago is the bwx of 1500+ years ago. This is not the place for a meta on how that was bad for those around him and for him himself, but I have Thoughts about how being defeated at the end is both a thing that hurts him and relieves him. Mei Nianqing is a sympathetic character who’s also pretty darn static. Does Ling Wen have a character arc, or do we just learn more about who she already is and what her priorities always were? I’m going to cut myself off here, but a character’s delta between the beginning of a story and the end of a story is a reasonable way to judge how interesting writing character meta is, and is a very silly metric to judge their worth, and even if I guessed at what the basic logic is, for this character, I am still baffled that it’s being put forth as a real talking point.

(also, has it jumped ship to any other characters yet? have people started applying it in other fandoms as well? please let me know if this is the case, I am wildly curious)

(no, but really, if anyone is arguing that bwx is gross specifically because he had centuries to self-reflect and didn’t fix himself, i am desperate to know)

And finally. The thing I thought was most self-evident. Did I post about this sometime recently? If a non-central character experiences a life-altering paradigm shift right near the end of the story (without it being lingered over, because non-central character), oh my god. As a fic writer? IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE. This is the most fertile possible ground. If I want to write post-canon canon-compliant material, adsgasfasd that’s where I’m going to be looking. Okay, yeah, the main couple is happy, that’s good. Who isn’t happy, and what can I do about that? Happy families are all alike, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, etc.

It’s not everyone’s favorite playground, but come on, these are not uncommon feelings. And frankly, it’s starting to feel a little disingenuous when people act like fan authors pick out the most blameless angel from the cast and lavish good things upon them. I’m not the only one who goes looking for a good dumpster fire and says I Live Here Now. If I write post-canon tgcf fic, it’s very likely to focus on beef and/or leaf. I have written more than one au focusing on tianlang-jun.

And, hilariously. If the problem with Jiang Cheng. Is that he is a toxic man fictional character who failed to grow on his own, and is either unsafe or unhealthy to be around. If the problem is that he did not experience a character arc. If these people would be totally fine with other people liking him, if he improved himself as a person. And then, if authors want to put in the (free! time-consuming!) work of writing that character development themselves. You would think that they would be lauded for putting the character through healthier sorts of personal growth than he experienced in canon. Instead, I am still here writing this because first, I was bothered by these authors being named as “freaks” who are obsessed with their ‘uwu precious tsundere baby’ with a “love language of violence,” and then I was graciously informed that people hate Jiang Cheng because he experiences no character growth.

[hopeymchope]

Au where Saionji goes to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory with Mahiru and she gets stuck in one of the tubes. Cue Ruruka eating blueberry gum, swelling up and turning blue, Kokichi is also Willy Wonka in this AU so when he sees Saionji he smiles and says, "Ew."

I suspect you picked Kokichi as your Wonka because he kind of looks like Johnny Depp's version of the character? He’s got similar hair and that same impish look about him. (By the same token, Ruruka looks rather like the 2005 film's version of Violet Beauregarde. So that fuels my theory on how you cast these parts.)

But I think I want to pitch matching the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory characters to their closest analogs in DR in terms of shared traits and overall personality.

- Kokichi’s not a bad pick for Wonka, frankly. I think I’ll keep him. :) Although Kokichi is clearly the more sinister of the two, they both are pursuing a theoretically positive end goal through bizarrely cruel means that will leave permanent damage on all involved. Hooray...?

- Charlie Bucket is selfless, honest, generous, devoted to his family, and uh, is a good kid who is good. He worries a lot about his family’s poor medical and financial situations, to the point where he starts doing a paper route in the morning before school to assist. Hrm. Well, given that he’s a worrier who overworks himself, maybe this could be a part for Mitarai? Kind of a stretch, but I don’t really know what else to do with this thin-ass protagonist role.

- Grandpa Joe is an old man who is supposedly one of our heroes - an excitable, stubborn guy who is defensive of his grandson and angry when things seem unfair. But I say “supposedly” because the Internet has decided he’s actually a secret douchebag hiding his true nature. So I’m tempted to give this to Tengan. Y’know - for the meme.

- Ruruka Andou becomes Veruca Salt. Obviously! Because Veruca is known for being demanding, spoiled, and utterly entitled. Easiest casting here.

- Mike Teavee is portrayed as having some really violent and destructive tendencies in the 2005 movie and in the more recent Broadway musical. In movie, he just repeatedly breaks and crushes objects for fun, and he likes to scream “Die!” at opponents while playing competitive video games. Whereas in the musical, he’s literally killing animals and attacking adult women for fun — a legit psychopath. In both cases, he’s got a bit of an ego on him that lets him feel like he deserves to do whatever he wants. The Broadway version makes me think Jataro or Korekiyo (or Hiyoko because of the animals), but overall, Mike gives me Masaru Daimon vibes. He’s certainly violent and egotistical enough for the part. So I’m gonna go with Masaru.

- Violet Beauregarde has a different personality in every adaption. The only consistent thing about her is that she chews a lot of gum. 1971 Violet is arrogant, vain, and self-centered — so, Hiyoko? 2005 Violet is overly competitive, kind of rude, and into martial arts — Akane would fit that. And Broadway Violet is a fame-hungry child who is mass-marketed at the behest of one of her parents, often seen in pink. So that one’s best aligned with Kotoko, it seems. It’s really hard to congeal these different Violets into a single character... but if I had to do it, I guess I’d say Junko gets the part. Enoshima is certainly mass-marketed, she’s plenty competitive and nasty to others, 100% self-centered and arrogant.... it’s a decent mix. 

- Augustus Gloop isn’t a character; he’s just a sad, fat-shaming joke with a supposedly comedic accent. He goes down first and has almost no backstory. You might think, then, that I’d pick the Ultimate Imposter to be Augustus, because he’s the fat joke of the DR franchise. But no! Because when I think “character who loves food, dies first, and talks in a way that’s supposed to be funny,” I think Daisaku Bandai. For sure.

Any remaining noteworthy roles are comparatively simple, both in depth and difficulty of casting. Slugworth — aka the rich suit who is seemingly after profit at any cost but secretly is part of a manipulation with overall positive intentions? That’ll be Togami. The singing, dancing, short little race of clones? Monokumas, naturally.

And there you go! We’ve got ourselves a cast for Danganronpa and the Chocolate Factory.

Willy Wonka - Kokichi Ouma

Charlie Bucket - Ryota Mitari

Grandpa Joe Bucket - Kazuo Tengan

Veruca Salt - Ruruka Andou

Violet Beauregarde - Junko Enoshima

Mike Teavee - Masaru Daimon

Augustus Gloop - Daisaku Bandai

Slugworth - Byakuya Togami

Oompa-Loompas - Monokumas

I like it.

It’s interesting that I wound up with so much DR3 representation here. That wasn’t a goal at all. 

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 749: Sanguisugabogg Tortured Whole

This is another album highlight of 2021.

While I’m a big fan of the meticulous shredding of Morbid Angel and the proggy inclinations of Blood Incantation, I mainly gravitate towards death metal that’s sloppy, under-produced, and dumb. But there’s a fine line between the heavy and ignorant stylings of the current OSDM scene and the dubious world of slam metal. Is the snare too pingy? Are the vocals too gurgly? It can be debatable, and I’ve certainly had friends rebuff some of my death metal suggestions with “I dunno, man... sounds kinda slammin’.”

But I’ve come to embrace the slam. Or at least, I’ve come to appreciate that there was this surprisingly large surge of ridiculous bands that put out borderline indecipherable and indistinguishable albums that only seem to exist in the rabbit holes of the internet... bands who appeared to operate with little to no hope of accomplishing anything more than triggering the most knuckle-dragging, bottom-feeder mosh pits to a very tiny, specific audience. The turning point for me came at some point in early 2021 when one of the former owners of the renowned SF record store Aquarius Records did an online radio show devoted to slam metal. I spent the hour alternately laughing and taking screenshots of these ridiculous albums.

After getting robbed on tour back in October 2021, we spent the afternoon driving around the Bay Area trying to cobble together enough equipment to play our next show. And during that drive, I put on the Japanese slam metal band Medic Vomiting Pus just to scope out my bandmates’ reaction. My companions couldn’t believe it. “Is this real?,” someone asked, as if I had just conjured the music out of the ether. It quickly turned into an algorithm deep dive of slam metal, which effectively turned a very gloomy and dour drive into a marathon of laughter, along with prompting more than one passenger to admit: “wait... I think I kind of like this, actually.”

Now, Sanguisugabogg isn’t necessarily a slam metal band, but it certainly flirts with the genre. The snare is tuned very high and the guitar strings are tuned very low. It’s death metal with an emphasis on the breakdowns. It’s gross and stupid... and I love it. Maybe it’s just because I spent enough time browsing through playlists with bands like Malodorous, Parasitic Ejaculation, and Facelift Deformation that Sanguisugabogg seems sophisticated and nuanced in comparison. Or maybe life is just too short to worry about whether a band with songs like “Felching Filth” and “Dick Filet” has crossed some sort of line between gross/good and gross/bad. 

Bottom line, I listened to Tortured Whole a bunch in 2021... mainly while jogging around the park by my house in the late summer / early fall. It kept me running at a steady clip with a big dumb grin on my face. And even if Sanguisugabogg has it’s big toe dipped in a maligned micro-genre, that micro-genre brought me some unexpected joy in tough times this last year. 

[aidansanomalies]

The Californian Walker 

Nestled in the small province of Denny California, The Californian Walker is known currently for its niche internet rise to fame. Over the years 1849-2004 sightings had been recorded for this entity. I will be laying out the original report as a small summary and giving small quotes for context. 

Leslie Toole was a noblewoman in early settled America. Having married Henry Sherman Toole, a wealthy investor in technology, they moved to California in an attempt to participate in the gold rush. In August of 1849, the couple and their maidservant began a long night at what is now Denny. 

Recorded in the woman’s diary, she details the small campsite they built in an attempt to sleep. In the logs of her diaries she says, 

“As we settle here, thee and told to us (by Dr. Garner) I find myself a loss for words. The lodging built by Henry has allowed enough light to see this very page, but gave little else. The wind whistles and cracks with vigor but what it holds has me piqued. On this way, we came across a figure adorned in a dusted brown overcoat. It waxed and waned with the wind, but he says it is merely a trick of the light. Hunger must have gotten to me, I nearly swore it was looking at me.”

In the passage it is clear that Leslie Toole had encountered some sort of figure, or at least suffering from a bad case of dehydration. She goes on to explain her living conditions and the events in her social circle. It is two days later that the diary entries abruptly stop and give way to her most quoted line. 

“The figure appeared again today, this time closer than the last, The horses even spook as it groans out into the empty prairie. Henry still refuses it here, though Florence (The maidservant) believes it a native. We pray to the god whom has ordained our trip that we make it alive and in good spirits. I believe that is the only thing we have left now.”

With her lack of prior context in the diary, the entry proposes a few options. 

An entry is lost to time, presumed stolen or destroyed

There was never a note to begin with

The creature was later identified dozens of times through history with the same description. A few other accounts read as thus;

“It had an odd weird camel tone to it, the figure shifted and turned all inside itself, like something in the coat wouldn't rest. One might think it wasn't even a coat, almost like a sheet stuck tightly to someone's body.” (Mirrium Rynolds, 1956)

“It has no eyes. You know its watching you though, its that odd feeling on the back of your neck and when you turn it just stands there… and it keeps watching… keeps writhing in whatever skin its confined in.” ( Augustus Sharp 1978)

“My son saw it, he still sees it. He wont let us travel through (Denny) to visit my husbands parents because it cuts through there, an hour into the ride and he just… gets so quiet… Its so odd, he is the most lively of anyone in our family.” (Jessica Garett, 2003)

As for the nature of the creature, it doesn't seem hostile other than the original account. The main danger of this entity is the feeling that it watches you, or that you get the sense that its near. Attached above is the modern depiction of what the entity may be. As for theories, people often think of it as an entity. A cryptid devoted to an area and to ward anyone away from its land.

The land has no record of native involvement and no colonies during the 1840-50s. Denny is in the later outskirts of California and finds itself very barren and unremarkable from the surrounding wildlife and grounds. Most people who find this tale to be false rely on the narrative of hallucination given by lack of water, food, or a paranoia. While Leslie and any associated parties detailed have no history with mental health disorders, they had been traveling on the road for a few months until this point. 

My Theory

Demons often have territorial bouts, infesting land, homes, and building on a whim. It isn't incredibly unlikely that a demon unable to take a fully human form is staying put in an area located near a highway, scaring people over time and feeding on that horror it builds. Demons aren't all powerful on land, taking the forms of children or infesting items to give them form. Being under prepared and not powerful enough to fully form would explain the weird skin like sheen. 

In 1976 a priest named John Acres was recorded to have blessed the land in an attempt to cleanse it seemed unsuccessful. More reports later showed if anything, this stirred up activity even more as sightings became commonplace for the county police to file. Only 14 of these sightings have been confirmed and continue to stay a mystery. (Meaning the parties involved were proved to be in the places they claim when they claim them to happen)

Regardless, the Californian Walker continues to boggle the minds of locals, sleuths, and skeptics alike. 

Please contact me if you find evidence of more reports or know someone close to the case, any extra information would be greatly appreciated!

[iconic-ponytail]

there's always money in the banana stand

riverdale promptathon week 3: yellow + business

Even as the sun sets, even as the breeze blows, the hell furnace of July in Riverdale burns on. It’s triply as sweltering inside the tiny booth running three freezers, offloading heat to sustain the frozen merchandise inside. “How can it be so hot in there when we are supposed to be selling frozen bananas?” JB complains, at least twice a week.

She’s twelve. Complaint is her new first language. She complains about being left in Riverdale while Gladys went back to Toledo. She complains about living in a trailer park that usually does not have warm water. She complains about their father being imprisoned for covering up a gruesome murder. But most of all, she complains about working in the banana stand.

Child labor laws aside, Jughead can’t blame her for that one. He hates the damn banana stand, but it’s their best shot.

Gladys’ monthly check covers rent and utilities for the trailer. Everything else is on him, now. The idiot eighteen year old who decided to petition the court to be his sister’s legal guardian. Well, and his idiot mom who signed off on it. So he needs money, and the Jones family has never been particularly flush with cash, just trampled over by FP’s failed “business opportunities.”

Enter: the banana stand.

It’s not the fastest revenue stream, Jughead finds. But it’s got potential.

Initially, Dilton doesn’t let him sell during the Twilight Drive-In’s concession stand hours. Before or after the movie, sure, but no overlap. “I’m not worried about competition, Jones. It’s just too humiliating for me to watch you sweat through that horrible yellow polo you call ‘branding.’”

But when customers asked him more than twice a night when the banana stand would be open, Dilton caved.

It’s not like being open during the screening hours is a whole lot more preferable. He only just transferred from Southside to Riverdale High last spring; now he’s the rising senior who hands out phallic symbols from inside a giant phallic symbol. Not exactly a boon to his popularity.

Still, recently the money is enough to pay the internet bill and keep JB fed for dinner when she can’t go to the summer breakfast and lunch program at the local park district. It’s still not enough for him to eat particularly well, and the smell of hot dogs and slurp of his classmates’ slushies makes the heat feel like a minor inconvenience.

He eyes the tip jar, willing himself to wait on rampaging the concession stand until the beginning of the film roar dies down. It’s a double feature tonight, which means maybe he can score enough cash to cover those damn college application fees his counselor will start hounding him about week one of school.

Then he sees her—Betty Cooper. She’s laughing, watching Archie Andrews try to catch popcorn in his mouth, tossed by his paramour, Veronica Lodge. She pauses to sip from her slushie straw, her lips—which he’s watched argue against homophobic and racist comments in their advanced lit class, or pressed to the cheek of her other best friend, Kevin Keller. Which he’s imagined, doing slightly less savory things, though the mere thought of said imagining has his heart pounding wildly.

(Jughead’s been eating way too many fucking bananas. Someone needs to check his potassium levels.)

His absolutely pathetic gaze, once available three times a day in their shared classes where Jughead has still not managed to exert any confidence whatsoever regarding speech, eye contact, or general acknowledgement of Betty Cooper’s existence other than whatever drooling may or may not be happening, all of which he finds he has no control over… is all interrupted by the absolute polar opposite of Betty Cooper. Hiram Lodge zooms up to the banana stand on his segway, angling to a stop just before taking out the stand’s foundation.

“Still getting a hang of that, Mayor Lodge?”

Hiram grimaces. “Just checking that you’ve renewed your business permit, Jones.”

They do this once a week. It’s still the same permit.

“You know,” Hiram starts as Jughead rustles for the paperwork to make him go the fuck away, “I could find you an arrangement with a better banana supplier. For a discount. If you’re interested.”

Jughead rolls his eyes. “I’m not interested in your GMO, black market bananas, Hiram.”

Hiram gives him a pointed look. Jughead rolls his eyes even harder. “Mayor Lodge.” He proffers the papers, Hiram waves them away. “I’ll take one chocolate peanut butter dip. With peanuts.”

Jughead kisses his teeth. “That will be $3.50.”

Hiram’s whole face goes serpentine. “Not between business partners, Jones. Put it on my tab.”

Jughead grits his teeth, handing the finished banana so aggressively he hopes that the chocolate splatters and stains Hiram’s $500 tie. It is only slightly worth it to watch Hiram struggle with navigating the segway one-handed, frozen banana in the other.

He muffles a chuckle before realizing he’s used the dead end of the chopped peanut topping, and exits the stand to update the order board hanging on the outside. It’s mostly an excuse to feel a ten degree drop in temperature, a sweet relief he might be able to extend by grabbing a hot dog before the intermission rush.

He’s crossing off peanuts from the topping list and spinning around when he hears a shriek and a sudden, cold slosh across his chest. The yellow polo drips with artificial blue slushie, but Jughead swallows his fucking hell when he sees that the shriek, gaping stare of horror, and stumble in question all belong to his very own blonde kryptonite.

“Oh my god. Oh my GOD, jesus, shit, I’m so sorry!”

Jughead is frozen while Betty grabs about half his napkin dispenser and starts pawing at his shirt in a vain attempt to right the giant sticky blue mess all over his chest.

Finally, Jughead swallows the golf ball in his throat and chokes out. “Honestly, it’s fine. That stand is a sauna. I needed that.”

Betty stops, both her blotting and her stream of apologizing (which includes a fair bit of cursing, and he is a little revolted with himself by how much this turns him on).

“It’s going to get very sticky, soon. Maybe I should buy a bottle of cold water?”

Jughead can’t help himself. “Oh, impromptu yellow t-shirt contest?”

Betty grins.

I did that.

“Do you have any employees who could bring you another shirt?”

Jughead shakes his head. “Just my sister. She’s playing video games at home. There’s no earthly way she’ll bring me a spare.”

Betty cocks her head. “I had a feeling you were more than the silent back row kind of guy.”

The fact that Betty Cooper has, at any point, considered what kind of guy he is triggers full-on nervous blathering. “I’m usually very tired at school. I have this little sister—but I’m kind of um, her guardian. So I’m doing this stupid banana stand thing because it’s like one of the three assets to our entire family name I guess? Anyway, it’s hard to engage with Haggly’s basic discussion questions at eight in the morning when you spent the whole night dreaming about wholesale banana margins.”

He’s essentially vomiting words, but Betty is still smiling.

“Anyway, I should crawl back into my fruit-shaped purgatory and let you go back to your friends.”

She’s biting her lip, hedging. “Honestly, they’re probably using the alone time to make out in the car, and I’d rather let them get all their sexual tension out so that I don’t have to feel it radiating off of them for the whole second half of the double feature.”

Jughead laughs and tamps down the impulse to offer her a frozen banana, because he cannot possibly say something like that without making it sound sexual.

“What are frozen banana profit margins like, anyway?” Betty asks, either genuinely interested or legitimately flirting with him. Jughead finds both potentials baffling.

Jughead hesitates, then ducks inside the stand, pulling out his spiral bound notebook. “I’m still kind of figuring it out. All my records are in here.”

Betty sidles up to the stand, taking up the whole window. They’re both leaning over the scribbled line items on college ruled paper; he can smell her shampoo. She takes the notebook, scanning thoroughly.

“Do you have a pencil?”

He hands her one and observes her going to work, writing out some algebraic formula and calculating quickly in her head. There is a calculator within his reach, but he thinks handing it to her might come off as an insult. (Jughead wouldn’t know; he assumes Betty is in an advanced math class. Jughead is not.)

After a few minutes of watching her devoted focus, thinking about her hands touching his pencil, thinking about her hands wrapped around his hand, or his—

“I don’t know how to tell this to you, Jug.”

The shortening of his name stops his heart for a jolt, and his response is embarrassingly delayed. “What is it?”

Betty winces but smiles through it, a combination she’s surely learned to use when delivering bad news. It’s well earned, it really does soften the blow.

“There’s no money in the banana stand. At least, not with these margins.”

Jughead finds himself less than devastated by this news, mostly because it makes a hell of a lot of sense. The messenger doesn’t hurt, either.

“But,” she interrupts. “I don’t know if you’ve nailed down your course load for senior year. But I’m taking AP Econ? This could be, um, a good project. Like, if you want to take the class. Or even if you don’t. Not that you’re like a project or… whatever. I’m just saying we could figure it out. Make lemonade out of… bananas.”

Betty Cooper is extremely cute when she stammers.

Jughead doesn’t know what to do, so he gives her an easy out. “I can’t like, hire you, if that wasn’t obvious by the whole… deficit spending or whatever the whole negative circled number at the bottom of the page really means.”

She flushes. “No, that would be highway robbery. I just thought there might be an… opportunity. For um, us. I mean, for you and I. I mean—” she clears her throat, as if it’s closing up. “An academic opportunity. Or, in your case, professional. Well, a betterment of your livelihood. Okay, um, shit, just… I should go!”

She turns away, her face the deepest scarlet he’s ever seen.

“Betty, wait.”

She pivots back, eyes down at the ground.

“How about I buy you a new slushie and you come back into the booth. Tell me everything I’m doing wrong for the rest of the night.”

Betty looks up, biting the corner of her smile. “Sounds like a deal.”

They shake on it.

[sincerelyravens]

drabble based on this image from @annonymannonym and idea from @birthdaysentiment 

wtDRABBLES - part three (READ ON AO3)

To Robbe and Sander, Wednesday had become one of their many traditions.

Their first official hang-out since the beach trip—and their first kiss that happened in the ashen remains of a failed double-date—had happened on a Wednesday evening with beer in their system and joy in their hearts. Their first unofficial date, swapping a joint and lazy kisses, had happened on a Wednesday afternoon with sunlight pouring into Robbe’s temporary bedroom in an empty flatshare. Sander had met Robbe’s mom on a Wednesday morning for coffee after she was released from the hospital and they went on an impromptu day-trip on a Wednesday to the beach in January just because Sander wanted to kiss Robbe in that damned grocery store and on the beach like he wanted to before.

To them, as a couple, Wednesday was their day—for them and them alone—and, so, they made a point of Wednesday being their day. Their day to spend their days and evenings together, giggling and laughing, kissing deeply and soundly, hands wandering beneath the fabric of their t-shirts and leather belts. Or they would go out to an art exhibit that Sander wanted to see, taking pictures in front of the frames or together with a bad angle. Or, sometimes, Robbe would drag Sander to the cinema for a movie that he wanted to see—or some random film that he found on the internet—and hold his hand in his lap, playing with his fingers absentmindedly. Even during quarantine, they would facetime for hours together, giggling and talking with one another, longer than they would on other days with no Broerrrs to interrupt them.

And, this Wednesday was no different than any other Wednesday.

Before his life drawing class had even finished, Sander had seen Robbe’s signature brown jacket standing outside of the classroom. There was a flash of purple standing next to him—likely Celeste who had spotted him on her way out of her class down the hall. Once Sander had spotted his boyfriend’s side profile and his backpack with a tiger patch through the large windows, he could not get out of the classroom fast enough. Sander scrambled to put his supplies away early, earning a nasty look from his professor as he did so, and practically raced into his boyfriend’s arms when they were dismissed.

As the two of them kissed, their masks pulled over their chins, Celeste giggled as she shook her head. “Couldn’t you have let me have him for a few more minutes, Driesen?” Celeste asked.

“Why?” Sander asked, tugging Robbe closer to him. His boyfriend let out a melodious giggle, one that sent butterflies and joy through his body like it was the first time, and buried his face into the crook of his neck. There was a faux-annoyed look in Celeste’s eyes, but Sander could still make out her cheekbones turned upward from beneath the black fabric of her mask. “So, you can steal my boyfriend away? Too bad, you can’t have him.”

Celeste rolled her eyes. “That’s okay, I’ll just talk to him later then.”

“You can talk now.”

“No,” Celeste said, a teasing look in her eyes as she started to move away from them. “Now that you have decided to join us, we cannot talk about this further.” Before she stepped away, she leaned towards Robbe and whispered, “Text me tomorrow and we can continue to talk about it, okay?”

Robbe giggled. “Of course, I can’t wait.”

Celeste winked and disappeared down the hallway.

“What was that about?” Sander asked.

Even with the forest green mask covering his nose and mouth, Sander could make out the smile on his features, bright and beautiful and his. Robbe shook his head, firmly grasping at the lapels of Sander’s jacket, before turning his gaze back to his. “I can’t tell you that.”

Sander pouted. “Why not? You tell me everything?”

“I do,” Robbe agreed.

“So, why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s a surprise.”

“A surprise? Is it for my birthday?” All it takes is the bashful look in Robbe’s eyes to know that he was on the right track. With how his last birthday went—having to see Robbe through a screen without being able to hold him—Sander knew that this year would be loads better than the last... and his last birthday had already been one of his best ones. Grinning down at Robbe, Sander smiled. “What did you get me, Robin?”

Robbe smirked. “Whatever it is, you’ll find out on the 27th.”

“Oh,” Sander said, matter-of-factly. Robbe smiled brighter and Sander wished that he didn’t have that piece of cloth over his mouth, obscuring it from view. “Well, I, for sure, can’t wait until my birthday to see what you have in store for me.”

Robbe giggled, the sound sending a flood of warmth through Sander’s heart. Stepping closer to him, Robbe tugged on Sander’s black mask, bringing it down to his chin again. Even though Robbe was always talking about regulations and following the rules, neither one of them seemed to not care about them in the current moment, in an empty hallway with only them and no one else to see. After tugging down his own mask down, Robbe stepped closer to Sander, sliding their lips together so effortlessly and flawlessly as they had done so many times over the past year.

Still, after a year of love and devotion, Sander could never tire of kissing Robbe, feeling all of Robbe’s feelings against his lips—without question or hesitation about how he felt. Even though a professor would likely come around the corner and scold them, and they would deserve it so, Sander sunk into Robbe’s kiss, pulling him closer by the hips, and Robbe leaned against him, his lips tugging up into a smile. Sander cradled Robbe’s face, pulling him closer, before running his fingers through his hair and swiping his thumb across the stud earring that he had—

Wait.

Pulling away from Robbe, who looked dazed and confused, Sander turned Robbe’s head by his chin to find a brand new earring in place of the normal stud—the one that Sander had bought him once Robbe’s ear was healed enough to switch them out. It was a small, dainty lightning bolt-shaped out of stainless steel. In the white light of the hallway, it glittered and shined.

“That’s new,” Sander said. He swiped his thumb over the earring which caused it to skew slightly and he moved to correct it. “When did you get that?”

“Last week,” Robbe said, sheepishly. “When Zoë and I went shopping at the mall, I saw it in the shop and... I thought of you.” Robbe’s cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink. “And, I decided that I wanted to wear it today. Do you like it?”

Sander smiled. “Of course, Robin,” he said. Bringing Robbe closer, he pressed a long kiss against his lips before dragging them down his jaw to the new earring. After pressing a gentle kiss against the new lightning bolt earring, Sander whispered, “I like everything on you, baby.”

Robbe scoffed. “More like everything off me.”

“Both is good.”

Robbe giggled, tossing his head back. His mess of curls shaking around him. Reaching up, Robbe tugged up on his mask, pulling it over his nose again. Sander couldn’t help to pout before Robbe reached out to cover his face as well. “Come on,” Robbe said. “We better get going before we end up being scolded by one of your professors again.”

Sander snorted, letting Robbe grab him by the arm and lead him to the exit. Tucking his portfolio between his side and his arm, Sander wrapped his other arm around Robbe’s shoulders and pulled him closer to him. Robbe smiled over at him, falling against his side easily. The two of them walked together, swaying on their own axis together. “So,” Sander asked, leaning close to his boyfriend. “What are our plans for this Wednesday?”

Robbe shrugged, nonchalantly before turning to Sander. “I don’t know quite yet.” Wrapping his arm around Sander’s waist, between the fabric of his shirt and his leather jacket, Robbe added, “Let’s find out.”

“With you?” Sander asked, pulling him closer before placing a kiss against his temple through his mask. “Always.”