#our teacher said the exact same thing

[0mega-x]

"In moments like those that are admittedly not happy (world events, terrorist attack), the only thing we can do at our small scale is to choose to be good and live our lives" I love my economy/sociology teacher omfg if anything happens to her I'll jump

Then we did the minute of silence and, holy shit, it's already been 3 years since Samuel Paty's death?!

[katsukistofu]

contents ౨ৎ ⋆ k. bakugo x teacher! fem reader. fluff. ⭑ he keeps staring. the kids notice.

In your five years of teaching, you never thought you’d see Dynamight sitting cross-legged on the daisy shaped carpet in the center of your classroom, while your kids swarm around him to paint his face.

Warmth spreads across your chest as you take it all in. It’s quite the sight, to see the big, buff, seasoned twenty five year old pro hero letting all these tiny toddlers take turns taking clumsy swipes at his face with the colorful paints you bought for them the week before for art class.

What you don’t notice is the way his eyes trail to you wherever you are in the classroom. When you move to open the windows to let the fresh air in, to wipe the chalkboard, even when you’re organizing the mess of crayons on your desk into their rightful bins.

“Why do you keep staring at our teacher?” One of them, a little boy wearing his t-shirt backwards, curiously pipes up. Everyone else nods in agreement, they’ve been wondering the exact same thing.

“You gonna tell her what I said when I leave later?” Katsuki raises a brow. A chorus of playful noooo’s follow him.

“We’re gonna tell her while you’re still here!”

These little brats. He’s barely known these kids for two hours and already he knows that they love you like a second mother, and wouldn’t be letting him go so easily. There’s fondness in his eyes as Katsuki chuckles and leans in, and the kids eagerly lean in to hear what he has to say.

“I’m starin’ cause she’s pretty.”

Gasps and nods of agreement spread across the carpet just as you clap your hands together, your sweet voice ringing through the classroom, to which everyone, including Katsuki with his paint bedazzled face, turns to give you their fullest attention.

“Alright my angels, let’s give Mr. Dynamight some space now okay?”

Curious little eyes glance back and forth between you and Dynamight with, when someone loudly pipes up, “Ms. L/n doesn’t have a boyfriend!”

“Mr. Dynamight thinks you’re pretty!”

“He stares at you like the way my brother stares at ice cream!”

“Hey I was going to say that!”

Bickering ensues across the carpet and you simply gape at them as a hint of a smirk appears on Katsuki’s face.

Should we tell them after class? He mouths in your direction.

No, you mouth back, covering a giggle behind your hand at the continued chaos of your kids behind your boyfriend.

A little homework never hurt anyone.

[quitedisastrous]

one of the best moments of my french class was when we were all playing french monopoly (my teacher, me, my two other classmates) and all four of us spent a turn in jail. three of us had gotten there though typical board means and i was just sitting telling the only non-jailed person he WAS going to jail. he had to pull a community chest card and i fucking lost it. he pulled a go to jail card

[inkskinned]

for a while i lived in an old house; the kind u.s americans don't often get to live in - living in a really old house here is super expensive. i found out right before i moved out that the house was actually so old that it features in a poem by emily dickinson.

i liked that there were footprints in front of the sink, worn into the hardwood. there were handprints on some of the handrails. we'd find secret marks from other tenants, little hints someone else had lived and died there. and yeah, there was a lot wrong with the house. there are a lot of DIY skills you learn when you are a grad student that cannot afford to pay someone else to do-it-for-ya. i shared the house with 8 others. the house always had this noise to it. sometimes that noise was really fucking awful.

in the mornings though, the sun would slant in thick amber skiens through the windows, and i'd be the first one up. i'd shuffle around, get showered in this tub that was trying to exit through the floor, get my clothes on. i would usually creep around in the kitchen until it was time to start waking everyone else up - some of them required multiple rounds of polite hey man we gotta go knocks. and it felt... outside of time. a loud kind of quiet.

the ghosts of the house always felt like they were humming in a melody just out of reach. i know people say that the witching hour happens in the dark, but i always felt like it occurred somewhere around 6:45 in the morning. like - for literal centuries, somebody stood here and did the dishes. for literal centuries, somebody else has been looking out the window to this tree in our garden. for literal centuries, people have been stubbing their toes and cracking their backs and complaining about the weather. something about that was so... strangely lovely.

i have to be honest. i'm not a history aficionado. i know, i know; it's tragic of me. i usually respond to "this thing is super old" by being like, wow! cool! and moving on. but this house was the first time i felt like the past was standing there. like it was breathing. like someone else was drying their hands with me. playing chess on the sofa. adding honey to their tea.

i grew up in an old town. like, literally, a few miles off of walden pond (as in of the walden). (also, relatedly, don't swim in walden, it's so unbelievably dirty). but my family didn't have "old house" kind of money. we had a barely-standing house from the 70's. history existed kind of... parallel to me. you had to go somewhere to be in history. your school would pack you up on a bus and take you to some "ye olden times" place and you'd see how they used to make glass or whatever, and then you'd go home to your LEDs. most museums were small and closed before 5. you knew history was, like, somewhere, but the only thing that was open was the mcdonalds and the mall.

i remember one of my seventh grade history teachers telling us - some day you'll see how long we've been human for and that thing has been puzzling me. i know the scientific number, technically.

the house had these little scars of use. my floors didn't actually touch the walls; i had to fill them with a stopgap to stop the wind. other people had shoved rags and pieces of newspaper. i know i've lost rings and earring backs down some of the floorboards. i think the raccoons that lived in our basement probably have collected a small fortune over the years. i complain out loud to myself about how awful the stairs are (uneven, steep, evil, turning, hard to get down while holding anything) and know - someone else has said this exact same thing.

when i was packing up to leave and doing a final deep cleaning, i found a note carved in the furthest corner in the narrow cave of my closet. a child's scrawled name, a faded paint handprint, the scrangly numbers: 1857.

we've been human for a long time. way back before we can remember.

[astroterf-ed]

[resigned to reality but still in disbelief] girl there is no way I'm paying tuition only to teach myself.

[neversetyoufree]

The way Noé Archiviste is written is so good. I'm so obsessed with him.

He's such a protagonist—endlessly hopeful against adversity and filled with kindness and attempted understanding toward everyone he meets. He's a good person! He wants to save everyone! He is genuinely and utterly without any sort of cruelty or unfair bias.

Yet, the more the series goes on, the more he's written as a very obvious parallel to our antagonists.

The most blatant example of this is the Ruthven parallel. Ruthven once happily said that he liked vampires, and in the same way, he liked humans. Noé repeats this exact same line when he has tea with Ruthven.

This parallel doesn't reflect too poorly on Noé, since it's pretty clear that something Happened to Ruthven to change him between his speaking that line and him becoming our antagonist, but it is an interesting way to tie the two of them together. It raises certain questions in readers' minds. In what other ways are Noé and Ruthven still similar, and how might Noé change to become more like him?

Then there's Noé's toxic optimism. The "you should be a little bothered, actually" aspect of him. Noé is the mirror to Vanitas's toxic pessimism. He latches onto the good in the world to a fault, and in this way he detaches from reality and endures an endless series of abuses to his person without even understanding they're abuses.

That is also one of the defining traits of Mikhail. Misha is unsettling in part because he is completely detached from any understanding of severity. Misha happily recounts being abused and watching his mother die not because he's cruel or hateful, but because he doesn't understand what's happened to him or why those things are bad. Misha wants to bring Luna back to life because he's in denial of the reality of their death. He believes he can just resurrect them and everything will be fine, and he'll get to play happy family again.

If Noé went just a little bit more extreme with the over-optimism, he could disconnect from reality just as badly as Misha has.

Finally there's my favorite parallel—the tie between Noé and his Teacher. Noé Archiviste has a tendency to watch others in fascination, trying to figure them out from the sidelines while he fails to understand his own impact on them, and he absolutely loves the Blue Moon. He thinks the Blue Moon is beautiful. Teacher spends his time collecting interestingly damaged children in putting them in awful situations, apparently just for the fun of watching what they'll do next, and he calls The Vampire of the Blue Moon "the most beautiful creature in the world."

Noé's curiosity-driven fascination with Vanitas's trauma and his love of the blue moon—neither of these are necessarily a problem on their own, but when written in direct parallel with The Count of Saint Germain, they become somewhat alarming.

In the same way that Misha is "worse" than Noé because his obliviousness to his trauma leads him to harm others, Noé's teacher is surely a worse person than him because he lets himself harm others in pursuit of his interests. Noé doesn't do that. But what would it take for that to change? He's pushed boundaries before. He learned to hurt Astolfo and Misha in the name of protecting those he cares about. What other strange places could his headstrong nature lead?

What might Noé do when his fascination and his obliviousness intersect? When the parts of him that are Teacher and the parts of him that are Misha overlap? What would he do to see Vanitas again? What might he do without letting himself realize how terrible it was?

Noé is a good person. He's one of the best people. But in his attentiveness and his optimism and his love, there's the seeds of something that could lead him down a very dark road. Each of the above antagonists is a little bit a part of who he is.

Misha wants to bring Luna back to life. Ruthven is working toward some mysterious aim with the dead or dying Faustina. And given how he talks in mémoire 55, I wouldn't be surprised if Teacher also had an interest in bringing back The Vampire of the Blue moon in one form or another.

In all his fascination and love and hope, would/will Noé be able to let Vanitas die when death is preferable to the alternative? This is a story about the inevitability of death, and the denial of that inevitability creates nothing but horror and perversion. Noé is growing and learning to understand both Vanitas and the moral complexities of the world, and we can only hope that he learns enough. We can see through his many reflections in other characters what he might become if he can't accept painful reality.

[filled-with-fat]

My best friend made me fat and I didn’t even realise

I’ve known Jared since 4th grade, when he joined my elementary school in Houston. Initially, we weren’t really that close, but our parents worked together, and so gradually both our families become inseparable friends.

Aged 10, I was incredibly skinny, I didn’t eat a lot, some of the teachers at school even thought I had an eating disorder. Whereas, Jared on the other hand was a fairly chubby kid.

We would spend every summer together on a joint family trip, sometimes we would go to Disneyland, other times we would go to Mexico. Being with Jared and his family was always a fun time, and some of my best memories from being a teenager were when we were together.

When me and Jared graduated high school, we both went to the same college, and by chance got allocated the same dorm. My lifelong best friend, who I had spent nearly every second of my teenage years with, was now sharing the EXACT SAME dorm as me at college. Honestly we couldn’t believe the coincidence, but nevertheless we were both really thankful we didn’t have to share a room with a total stranger!

Aged 18, Jared was definitely on the larger side, just as he had always been, and I was still the skinny twink that could fit a size 0. But that all changed after sharing a room with Jared for a year … now that I was away from home, I had to start preparing meals for myself, and both me and Jared were not very accustomed to cooking … Jared would order takeout almost every night, and I was too lazy to make something healthy, so we would sit on his bed, watching our favourite Netflix series, eating pizza after pizza after pizza. It become our daily routine. Some nights we would venture to the on-campus Mcdonalds with some of our friends, or buy pre-prepared meals to heat in the microwave, but that was the closest we got to cooking our own food. Jared had some disgusting eating habits too, I suppose all guys of his size would, he would wake up at 3am, and stuff down a full bag of chips. I’m embarrassed to admit I started doing the same when I began to get hungry in the night 😅

Slowly but surely, me and Jared started packing on the pounds. All the effects of our unhealthy eating habits took a toll on our bodies. Jared got bigger, a lot bigger. My once chubby friend was now a 400lbs sophomore. And I had grown a protruding gut that spilled over my fat pad and thighs. We were both alarmingly fat, but I didn’t notice, honestly, and neither did Jared. Eating together had become our new obsession, it was our thing. During the day on campus Jared would go out of his way to come find me, insisting that we had to eat together. He said he only felt comfortable eating around me, that only I shared his love for food. I started seeing a side to my best friend that I had never seen before.

As the end of year approached, and we got allocated different rooms for the next semester, me and Jared found out that we would no longer be sharing a dorm. Jared became hysterical. I returned to our dorm to find him eating the chocolate-frosted cake I had stored in our freezer. He looked at me, almost embarrassed by his appearance. A 20 year old man, 400lbs fat, lying on his bed scoffing his face with cake, his mouth, cheeks and hands covered in chocolate. Jared told me how he had loved sharing a dorm with me, and that he didn’t want to come back to college unless we would continue to be in the same dorm. He said he loved our late night snacking, and how some nights we would fall asleep together after binge eating Burger King. Jared said he loved me. My childhood best friend, whom I had spent all of my best teenage years with, now confessed he had feelings for me. At that point, I leant in to pick up a piece of cake, and held it in front of his chocolate-covered mouth, he began to smile as I fed it to him.

[anundyingfidelity]

WHAT IF...? — Soldier Boy/Ben (2)

Summary: Ben, now as your husband, gives up Vought for good and retires along with you far away from the spotlight and the big cities once you're pregnant with your first child. He knows better than to make the same mistakes his father did.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader

Word count: 900ish.

Warnings: none, soft Ben, OOC!Ben? idk, this is sweet.

GEN MASTERLIST! — DRABBLES MASTERLIST!

taglist is here!

PART 2

1990

The way back home was tiring to say the least. You and Ben had a weekend shopping schedule. It wasn’t the best idea John had for a funny Saturday, but you could tell he enjoyed being at the mall. He was six already, full of energy, joy, and eager to discover the wonders of the world.

From the passenger seat you moved slightly just to check on your son. He was already snoring in the back seat, drooling and sleeping peacefully as if it was his own bed. The sight of him just made you smile.

“He had a great time, huh?” Ben asked, giving you a side glance. He got better at driving after you gave birth, which you were so thankful for.

“Yeah, I mean, he’d definitely pick a baseball game instead but this is good for him,” you said back. “He’s been at home too much, don’t you think?”

“Hey, it's school break! Do you really love your kid?” Ben teased with a playful smile, you rolled your eyes.

“Shut up. All I mean is that I’d just like him to have friends and talk to other kids, do the normal kindergarten stuff… That’s all.”

Ben nodded more for himself. There have been a couple of weeks already, and he was more than happy to spend time with the little brat, but he got your point. You didn’t want him to be alone and the teacher at kindergarten had told both of you John was having some trouble with making friends and socializing in general. He was shy, but smart and creative, but even the teacher had some issues when talking to him at first. John wasn’t like that at home and it hurted you just a bit.

“Probably we should call Janine and some of the parents that were there in the last parent conference, you still have their numbers. We can do something for our kids to meet outside school,” you suggested.

“I think those moms were hitting on me,” your husband said, taking a last turn on the highway before heading home. He chuckled as low as he could when you patted his arm. You got pretty jealous at the last meeting when those ladies approached him, almost swooning. Even John’s teacher looked like she’d faint anytime. “What? I’m Soldier Boy anyway.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He parked the car outside your house after an hour of driving. There were some cons of living in the outskirts of the city, but as long as his family got the calm and green life around, driving for so long was not a problem.

You took John between your arms, careful of not waking him up. He weighed more and more each year, reminding you he wasn’t a baby anymore. He was taller, a good talker at least with you and Ben, he liked seeing the squirrels in the trees that surrounded the house, and he was very, very smart.

It felt like a day ago you gave birth to him, that he started babbling nonsense, and mere seconds that he started walking little baby steps… Now, his eyes were bright blue, his hair long and blonde, his cheeks sprinkled with freckles just like his dad…

Most of his factions were just like Ben’s mother, and she was beautiful from the old pictures he’d show you before. You were happy John was like an exact copy of her, you knew how much Ben loved her and how much her death hurted for him. John was like a reincarnation of her spirit, now sleeping in your arms.

Ben started to take out the grocery bags and some other stuff you had gotten yourself from the city, most of them puzzles, board games, and teddies John picked back there. As much as you tried to get him to reason to not buy unnecessary things, he would just spoil John a lot. But you understood why he did it. He was nothing like his father, he had time to learn how to be a better man, how to manage his own feelings and slowly, teach John to be a good man, even at his young age. You felt so proud of him, watching him discharge the bags on the kitchen counter with John clinging to you, deep in slumber, his little arms now wrapped around your neck to not let go.

When finished, Ben looked at you with a soft look on his eyes. You, holding his son, was a picture he’d never grown tired of. He would hit himself to confirm it wasn’t just a beautiful dream; it was real. You and John were very real, and he was thankful for giving up the superhero shit already. This could never compare to anything Vought offered to him before; what he built in there with you was everything he ever needed.

“I’m gonna take him to his room,” you mumbled, but before you could walk up the stairs, Ben approached you.

“I’ll do,” he announced in an equally low voice.

“You sure? I don’t want him to wake up-”

“John sleeps like a trunk, trust me,” Ben said, taking the kid softly away from your arms. John immediately wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck, hiding his face on the crook of his neck. He was so exhausted after the trip.

“Right,” you nodded. “Thanks, I love you.”

Ben gave you a charming smile, one that you never could grow tired of. He leaned down to kiss your lips softly, his new and trimmed beard tickling your skin a little.

“I’ll be here in a couple of minutes to help you,” he said.

You watched him disappear on the stairs to the second floor, John deeply sleeping in his strong arms, hugging each other.

Weekend trips like this were monotonous sometimes, but it was okay because you always came back home with your boys after all.

Soldier Boy taglist:

@delaynew @k-slla @thesilmarillionblog @onlyangel-444 @mrsjenniferwinchester

@daisy-the-quake @jackles010378 @mostlymarvelgirl @deans-spinster-witch @drasticemotions

@stoneyggirl2 @sapnaploves

@believeinthefireflies95 @demodemo909

[camellia-thea]

so @coprinellus-cluster sent me an ask about daniel and armand and why i find them so compelling. that turned into a 2000 word essay. this is very armand focused, but i promise i love daniel too.

anne rice initially wrote armand as an antagonist, and even went into writing qotd with him intended to be part of the antagonistic force, however she found while writing the devil's minion chapter that armand had become someone completely different. i love that. i love that a lot. i have sources for this somewhere but they're buried. i'll add 'em if i find them again.

i love how the chapter takes two characters who had very little identity beyond their interaction with louis and lestat. daniel was functionally exclusively a framing device in the first book. he didn't really have a character, and he literally was not named. armand was defined almost entirely by his relationships, and while his sections have always been my favourite parts of iwtv and tvl, i think there was a lack of depth there that gets discussed so much more in the devil's minion chapter.

armand is a character who has always defined himself by the people around him. from marius, to santino, to the children of darkness, to lestat, to the théâtre des vampires, to louis. each link ushers in a different aspect of himself, and the show deals with the amazingly well. the arun/amadeo/armand, the good nurse or the gremlin, it's phenomenal. daniel in the books is meant to be the next part of the transition. armand goes to both lestat and louis, show me how to live in this modern era.

"We cannot be Marius for you," I said, "or the dark lord, Santino[…]" "You have to suffer through this emptiness," I said, "and find what impels you to continue. If you come with us we will fail you and you will destroy us." "How suffer through it?" [Armand] looked up at me and his eyebrows came together in the most poignant frown. "How do I begin? You move like the right hand of God! But for me the world, the real world in which Marius lived, is beyond reach. I never lived in it. I push against the glass. But how do I get in?" "I can't tell you that," I said. "You have to study this age, " Gabrielle interrupted. Her voice was calm but commanding. He looked towards her as she spoke. "You have to understand the age, " she continued, "through its literature and its music and its art. You have come up out of the earth, as you yourself put it. Now live in the world. " [...] "And what better place is there than the center of things, the boulevard and the theater? " Gabrielle asked. He frowned, his head turning dismissively, but she pressed on. "Your gift is for leading the coven, and your coven is still there."

from the vampire lestat

this conversation you can see is what leads him to approach louis for the same thing.

["]It is through you that I can save myself from the despair which I’ve described to you as our death. It is through you that I must make my link with this nineteenth century and come to understand it in a way that will revitalize me, which I so desperately need. It is for you that I’ve been waiting at the Théâtre des Vampires. If I knew a mortal of that sensitivity, that pain, that focus, I would make him a vampire in an instant. But such can rarely be done. No, I’ve had to wait and watch for you. And now I’ll fight for you. Do you see how ruthless I am in love? Is this what you meant by love?["]

from interview with the vampire

(i do think the little "if i found a mortal with that sensitivity, that pain, that focus, i would make him a vampire in an instant", but that's not the point of this)

armand is a creature of habit, of cycles, and daniel is meant to be the next member of the loop. he uses daniel in the exact same fashion, to usher himself into the new era;

"You are my teacher," Armand told him. "You will tell me everything about this century. I am learning secrets already that have eluded me since the beginning. You'll sleep when the sun rises, if you wish, but the nights are mine."

from queen of the damned

but, something changes with daniel. and i think it is what is missing from louis; daniel has a passion for life and living that louis lacks. he's interviewing people to reveal their lives!

suddenly armand is not being ushered into the new era, he's living it. you get his excitement, his delight, his engagement. he is no longer detached from the world in the way that he is in the first two novels. he is bright and full of life.

daniel remarks a few times about how armand's laughter and delight makes him suddenly look mortal. i find it enthralling. how this one mortal, who's life purpose initially is revealing the lives of people around him to the world, brings the 500 year old vampire joy and delight and that joy stays.

i love that this mortal man could bring anne rice to completely change her perception of armand.

and on daniel's part, he is utterly fascinating. he falls in love with the monster chasing him, for his monstrosity.

Daniel stared hard at the creature before him, this thing that looked human and sounded human but was not. There was a horrid shift in his consciousness; he saw this being like a great insect, a monstrous evil predator who had devoured a million human lives. And yet he loved this thing. He loved its smooth white skin, its great dark brown eyes. He loved it not because it looked like a gentle, thoughtful young man, but because it was ghastly and awful and loathsome, and beautiful all at the same time. He loved it the way people love evil, because it thrills them to the core of their souls. Imagine, killing like that, just taking life any time you want it, just doing it, sinking your teeth into another and taking all that that person can possibly give. Look at the garments he wore. Blue cotton shirt, brass-buttoned denim jacket. Where had he gotten them? Off a victim, yes, like taking out his knife and skinning the kill while it was still warm? No wonder they reeked of salt and blood, though none was visible. And the hair trimmed just as if it weren't going to grow out within twenty-four hours to its regular shoulder length. This is evil. This is illusion. This is what I want to be, which is why I cannot stand to look at him. Armand's lips had moved in a soft, slightly concealed smile. And then his eyes had misted and closed. He had bent close to Daniel, pressed his lips to Daniel's neck.

from queen of the damned

this passage has lived in my mind since i first read queen of the damned. daniel loves armand in spite of his beauty, not because of it. it is the monstrosity that he loves. and it's exactly what armand needs. their relationship has such a push-pull dynamic as well. daniel up and leaving when they have fights, armand waiting him out before reappearing. armand and daniel’s relationship is a direct link to addiction, which i think is really interesting. daniel is quite literally addicted to armand and that’s something i think is really interesting when it comes to mortal relationships with vampires.

there’s also something in the power dynamics between them with armand exerting control over daniel through finances, but it’s really interesting because daniel is rich. he got a lot of money from publishing interview. armand gets him so many things, buys him houses and clothes and a fucking island, and daniel lets him. and i don’t necessarily think daniel has the capacity to really say no here, but it really does make their dynamic super interesting.

i think daniel gives armand the potential to be more than who he was made to be, the roles he was put into. the muse, the protégé, the cult leader, the coven member, he lingers in his own victimhood, and i think it’s a very interesting thing. daniel is an escape from that. daniel loves the vampire, loves the monster, and doesn’t necessarily want something from armand beyond being pulled into vampirism with him. and that is something that armand very distinctly has control to say no to. and i think that’s very important to armand.

"Tell me what you want, Daniel, and I'll get it for you. Why do you keep running away?" "Lies, you bastard. Say that you wanted me. You'll torment me forever, won't you, and then you'll watch me die, and you'll find I that interesting, won't you? It was true what Louis said. You watch them die, your mortal slaves, they mean nothing to you. You'll watch the colors change in my face as I die." "That's Louis's language," Armand said patiently. "Please don't quote that book to me. I'd rather die than see you die, Daniel." "Then give it to me! Damn you! Immortality that close, as close as your arms." "No, Daniel, because I'd rather die than do that, too."

from queen of the damned

this is another moment that lives in my head, i’d rather die than do that too. there is something so electric between them. how willing daniel is to give in to armand, and yet how willing he is to fight for it, for them. i don’t read daniel’s obsession with vampirism being entirely for himself by the end of the era. i truly think that there is an element of it so that he can remain with armand.

but there’s something else there too, that i don’t think the other relationships we see in the vampire chronicles really capture, and that is the mundanity that they relish in together. they go out together, to clubs, to performances, to museums and art galleries, to bars and to rock concerts, but they also experience life together in a way that lestat and louis don’t really convey when narrating their novels. daniel and armand have made a life together, and it’s weird and unconventional but it works. they have houses together, the little villa on night island, it’s just. genuine. it has all the trappings of the unhealthy, awful nature that a mortal and vampire relationship can be, and simultaneously they’ve managed to create something that is domestic. and i don’t think daniel leaving armand, and often the country they were in, necessarily negates it. they’re not good people, it’s not a good relationship, but it’s enough.

and armand does love daniel enough to turn him. that’s a significant part of it. when he is legitimately faced with daniel’s death, he cannot bear the idea of losing him.

and. there’s a bigger part too. daniel is what stops armand from wanting to die.

"Years ago," Armand interrupted, "it wouldn't have mattered to me, all this." "What do you mean?" "But I don't want it to end now. I don't want to continue unless you-" His face changed slightly. Faint look of surprise. "I don't want you to die."

from queen of the damned

daniel has fundamentally changed armand. armand does not want to die. and he does not want to live without daniel.

and it’s awful, and yet it’s enthralling. there was never going to be an outcome in which daniel did not die. it is the fate of any mortal, and most immortals as well. and i think they both knew that. and that’s the tragedy of it too, the beautiful, horrific nature of them both is that armand was always going to be the one who killed daniel, and the only question was whether daniel would remain afterwards.

and i think that armand was never going to let daniel go.

daniel and armand love each other, and i think rice did a disservice to them both by setting them aside in later books, but i won't go into that here.

[pepperonidk]

Let it Snow || h.js

pairing: joshua hong x f!reader warnings: FLUFF, also this is a very christmas centered , Joshua + reader are both teachers, but it doesn't really come up often word count: 9.1k summary: what does it feel like to be loved by Joshua Hong? It feels like coming home.

a/n: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! this is the first thing I've written since I moved to Korea so y'all be nice lol. this is so self indulgent there's barely even a plot. It's just fluff.

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“So I really don’t understand why we can’t just take one car.” 

You looked up from your computer to find the teacher-next-door Mr. Hong had made himself comfortable, perched on the edge of your desk with a sandwich in his hand. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes with a sigh as you turned back to the lesson plan on your screen.

“I’m just saying,” he continued as he took another bite. “We’re going to the same place, and with gas prices like this, I just think it’s the most logical solution.” You already knew he was looking at you with an eyebrow, waiting for your imminent rebuttal before he presented his own. It was always like this with him, every conversation a game of tug-of-war, and most of the time Joshua had a way of drawing you to his side. Regardless, it never stopped you from playing along.

You pushed back from your desk, swiveling the chair a bit to get a better look at him. “What about car space?” You began. “My car is too small to hold us and our luggage and gifts.” You fight to keep a poker face as Joshua beams at you with his infamous smile. Since first getting hired two years ago to be a third grade teacher you’ve heard countless coworkers and parents walk down your hallway, excitedly chattering about that exact smile. While it wasn’t uncommon to see Joshua smiling (especially for his own third grade class), it did feel special that right now, you were a private audience to it. The idea made your heart flutter.

“So glad you mentioned that,” he offered you a grape from his lunch box. “I was just thinking that my brand new, spacious, 5-seater SUV with ample trunk space and leg room needed to be taken on a road trip.” You took the grape as you mimed considering his response. Honestly, it was a good idea, but admittedly, there was also some satisfaction to be found in pretending to be reluctant.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you thought of another excuse before Joshua interrupted your thoughts. “Can’t think of anything else, can you?” He raised an eyebrow as you rolled your eyes in response.

“Okay, I admit,” you looked up to see Joshua’s face light up. “It’s a pretty good idea.” 

“So that’s a yes?” He asked, finally hopping off your desk and offering you one last grape as the sound of students approaching reminded you that lunch time for teachers was never long enough.

“It’s a yes, Mr. Hong,” you replied, grabbing the grape from his outstretched hand just as you heard an excited squeal. Two third graders were standing at the door, with just the perfect incriminating view of your hand in Joshua’s. You quickly pulled your hand back, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, not even taking the grape.

As if unfazed by their whispers, Joshua raised an eyebrow in amusement as he decided to pop the grape in his mouth before heading toward the door where the two girls continued to giggle about the scene. “I’ll see you later,” he said to you as he headed for his own classroom. “Have a good class, kids! Be nice to your teacher, it’s the holidays.”

You couldn’t fight the smile on your face as he walked out, even as your kids rushed to your table. “Did Mr. Hong finally ask you to marry him?” One excited child asked. By now, there was a small crowd gathering to find out the details.

“Marry him?” You asked in surprise. “Why would he ask me that?” You stood from your desk and motioned for them to go sit down at their desks, which they obeyed, but the giddy smiles on their faces was a sign that the conversation was not yet over.

“Because he loves you, duh,” A voice called out from the back. “All old people have to get married when they love someone.”

“Yeah,” a chorus of agreement followed. “We’ve been waiting all year for it.”

The sting of being called old by a room of 9 year olds was drowned out by the way your heart fluttered at the idea of being loved by Joshua Hong. You weren’t even dating, unfortunately, but every so often he’d make a snide flirty comment or put a hand on your back and you’d find yourself wondering, what if?

You and Joshua had first met in high school when he was your group leader for your freshman orientation. He was a senior in need of volunteer hours and although he was kind and helpful, he was more interested in talking to the other group leaders than becoming buddy-buddy with awkward freshmen. Once the school year officially started, it quickly became obvious that he and his friends were wildly popular at school, at the center of every social circle. Although you had a few friends in common, you were still on the outskirts of their circle.

It wasn’t that you were particularly invisible, but the number of times you had spoken to Joshua Hong could be counted on one hand. The first time was during orientation, when he asked your name for the sign-in sheet. You’ll never forget the butterflies you felt when you saw him smile for the first time. He spoke to you again later that day, when you were sitting beside a boy named Chan and neither of you were really talking to each other. You noted the way Chan lit up in relief at Joshua’s presence. 

“Chan!” Joshua called to him before turning his attention to you. “I see you’ve met my neighbor, Chan.”

You waved awkwardly to the boy next to you. “Chan, this is…” Joshua trailed off with a sheepish smile, and a hand reaching to the back of his neck. You filled the silence with your name, feeling heat in your cheeks, embarrassed. Chan must have noticed because he introduced himself once more before realizing you already knew his name. There was a sense of relief in knowing he was just nervous too. “Go easy on him,” Joshua joked. “Chan doesn’t know how to talk to girls yet.” Before Chan could retort, Joshua had walked away, leaving you with the boy who’d become your best friend for the years to come.

The third time was at Joshua’s graduation party that Chan had begged you to accompany him to. You didn’t really know anyone there, although you recognized most of the boys from Joshua’s somewhat large friend group. You were relieved to find you and Chan’s other friends, Seungkwan and Hansol. They were sophomores from his health class, and were really easy to hang out with. The party was more fun after finding them. You didn’t run into the host of honor until you had taken a break from a riveting game of truth or dare to grab a soda from inside the house. Joshua was in the kitchen, seemingly taking a break as well, and didn’t notice you come in until you opened the fridge. When he finally turned to you with a smile, you swore you could have fallen to your knees in embarrassment. The words that came out of his mouth… devastating to say the least.

“Hey,” he began. “You’re Chan’s friend right? I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Joshua.”  You hoped he couldn’t see the heat rise to your cheeks or the way your own smile faltered. Thankful that no one else was around, you took his outstretched hand in a handshake and introduced yourself to him for the third time. You didn’t really see him again after that, and honestly, that was more favorable than having to introduce yourself to him for a fourth time.

However years later, in the hallways of another school there he was again. He was a few inches taller, his taste in fashion better, but his smile was the same as it was years before. The vice principal was in the middle of showing you your classroom roster when a knock on the door caught both of your attention.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hong,” your vice principal greeted him. Standing at the door was a blast from the past, and with him came the butterflies you thought you left behind in the musty halls of high school. “This is the new third grade teacher,” she introduced, but before she could get your name out, Joshua had beaten her to it. He remembered your name. Her eyebrow raised in interest. “Do you know each other?”

“Yeah,” you replied. “We went to high school together.” You really hoped no one noticed how warm your face suddenly felt at the surprise of not only seeing him again, but also remembering your name.

“Is that so?” She asked and Joshua nodded with a smile. “In that case, Mr. Hong, you can finish up this tour right? I have a date to get to.”

Joshua gave a salute before taking her place beside you, close enough to smell the cologne he was using. A definite step up from high school Joshua’s usual Axe body spray. “Have a good time,” he called to her as she left. “Now, let me tell you all about which kids to watch out for.”

From the beginning, Joshua had become not only a mentor of sorts, but somehow your best friend as well, and everyone knew. Or at least, they had their own ideas about what he was to you. The third graders in front of you currently were no exception.

“So is Mr. Hong going to be your husband now?” The question snapped you out of your thoughts and you dismissed it with a laugh.

“No,” you laughed, turning to write a math problem on the board. “We’re just going to visit our families together for Christmas break.” Honestly, you really didn’t need to be defending yourself to anyone, but you knew your kids were so curious, and who were you to deny them that?

The class erupted into a chorus of disappointed “aw”s and “boo”s that made you chuckle. “Okay, okay,” you attempted to settle the class. “Enough of that, we have other problems to solve,” you continued as you pointed to the question on the board. 

By the end of the day, you were exhausted. After making sure all of your students were sent home safely, you walked back to your classroom and plopped into your desk chair with a sigh, thankful that it was the last day of the semester. While wrapping up a few emails on your computer, you heard a knock at the wall next to you. Two quick knocks and one just a bit later. You smiled to yourself, and responded with the same knock. You and Joshua had a secret knock, a sort of code to let each other know that the other’s presence was needed. You got up from your desk to open the door where Joshua was already waiting outside his own.

“Tired?” He asked, and you nodded back with a sigh. “It’s all that sugar. I keep telling the librarians to stop offering them candy canes before it’s time to go home.” 

You laughed at his frustration. “I love those kids,” you began. “But I am so glad I won’t have to see them for three weeks.”

“Me too,” he agreed. “Unless, you know, one of them is also visiting home and happens to be in the same 10 mile radius as us.” 

You groaned at the idea. “Shua, don’t even joke like that.” You stepped closer to him to playfully push him, at which he dramatically winced and reached a hand over his heart.

“It’s just so fun to annoy you,” he began. “You make this cute little face that looks like a pack of squirrels just moved into your brain.” He reached a hand to tap a finger in between where your brows had furrowed together.

You rolled your eyes at him. “It’s only funny until it’s true. Then you have a 9 year old shadow trying to follow you around everywhere.”

Joshua put his hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay. You got me there.” He let out a small sigh before continuing. “Should I come over tonight to help you pack?”

“Don’t you need to pack?” You asked him as he shook his head.

“I finished last night,” he assured you. “Figured you’d probably wait until today to start.”

“You know me so well, don’t you?” you smiled up at him as he nodded.

“I like to think so.” He smiled at you in return, although it felt much softer than his usual smiles.

Joshua arrived promptly at 6 p.m. with a knock at your door and takeout from your favorite Chinese restaurant around the corner. A quick look through the peephole showed a smiling Joshua dressed in his old and worn college hoodie, one that you’ve borrowed and worn enough times that it sparked a dating rumor at work, his duffel bag,  and his plaid pajama pants. You were wearing your own matching pair. The smell of the chicken was enough to entice you to open the door. Upon entering your apartment and kicking off his beat up white sneakers and dropping his duffel, he set down the bag of food on the counter and flopped down on the couch, laying down and grabbing the remote to press play on the show you had paused.

“Hello to you too,” you chuckled. “Make yourself at home, I guess.” You grabbed a box filled with noodles and a pair of chopsticks before walking over to the couch. As if on instinct, Joshua lifted his legs, allowing you to find a spot before lowering them back over your lap.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Joshua teased back. “Can you pass me the popcorn?”

“Here,” you rolled your eyes as you handed him the bowl of popcorn. “I thought you were coming over to help me pack?”

Joshua popped a handful of kernels into his mouth before replying which made you grimace. “I’m emotional support.”

“What would I even need emotional support for?” you questioned. “We’re only packing for a few dsays. I’ll just bring a few outfits and –”

You were interrupted by the sound of Joshua clearing his throat and swinging his legs off of your lap so he could sit upright and face you. “Remember last year, you said the same thing and still forgot to bring an outfit for that charity gala your parents throw every year?”

You nodded in defeat and let out a groan as you stood to go to your bedroom closet, to find a dress. You pulled two out, your trusty black dress that you’ve worn to a few of your parents’ galas and a newer red dress that you’d been saving for just the right occasion. After walking back outside, you held them both up for Joshua, who had now moved on from the popcorn and began eating at your noodles. “Which one should I bring?” you asked. “I know I wear this one every year, but I love it and then there’s also this –”

“Definitely the red one,” Joshua interrupted you, nearly choking on a mouthful of tofu to get his sentence out. “No more questions.” You couldn’t tell if his face was red from nearly choking on tofu or the idea of seeing you in the dress.

You shrugged and nodded as you slid the material off the hanger and unceremoniously dropped it into your suitcase, along with all the other outfits that were already packed. For the next half hour, it was relatively quiet in your apartment. The sound of Home Alone seemed to be the only break from the silence aside from the quiet chuckle Joshua would let out throughout the movie. These were your favorite moments with Joshua. School days were busy and loud, so much running around that when you did see him, it was in breathless “hey”s and rushed waves in the hallways. But in the warm glow of the fairy lights that adorned your living room wall and the stillness of it all, Joshua looked ethereal. If you had told yourself at 14 that the boy who barely even knew your name would not only be your friend, but even have a drawer of his own clothes at your apartment, you probably would laugh. 

“What’s got you laughing?” Joshua asked, turning his head towards you. You didn’t even realize that you had chuckled aloud.

“Just…thinking, I suppose,” you answered him.

“Is that so?” He asked, moving to sit up and leaning forward on his knees in exaggerated interest. “Better share with the class, then.” 

You thought about asking if he remembers the first time you met him, but decided to save it for another day. The quiet peace you had built up in this moment was much too delicate for an awkward question like that. So instead you told him you remembered a stupid Tik Tok that Chan had sent you earlier that day and Joshua’s face lit up in excitement.

He grabbed his phone and sat down next to you, knees touching yours. “Why don’t we give him a call?” He suggested. “He doesn’t even know I’m coming home this Christmas. I told him I was thinking of going overseas for the break.” He pulled up his number and hit the video call button and Chan answered  almost immediately. Joshua held the phone to make sure you’re both in frame as he greeted him. “Hey Chan!”

“My two favorite teachers,” Chan smiled. “What’s up?” The sound of a dog barking and multiple people engaged in conversation in the back gave the hint that Chan was already back home with his family. 

“I have something to tell you,” Joshua whispered conspiratorially. He leaned forward toward the camera, but before he could get a word out –

“You guys are getting married,” Chan blurted out excitedly and Joshua nearly dropped his phone. Why does everyone jump to that idea first, you thought to yourself.

Joshua was flabbergasted. “What? No that’s not–”

“You’re finally dating, aren’t you?” Chan guesses again, wagging an accusatory finger at Joshua. “I’ve always known–”

“No,” Joshua stopped him. It wasn’t often that you saw him turn so bright red, so you relished the moment. “We– I– I’m coming home for the holidays, is what I was trying to tell you.”

“Oh,” Chan dragged out awkwardly. “Why didn’t you just lead with that?”

“You literally didn’t even give me a chance,” Joshua was exasperated. He passed the phone to you while he stood up to grab a drink and put away the leftover food.

You greeted Chan again. “Channie, I miss you.”

Joshua called out to you from the kitchen. “Ouch, how come you’re never that excited to see me?”

“She sees you every single day,” Chan answered instead. “Let me have my best friend back.”

“Aw,” you began. “Don’t worry Chan, you’re still my best friend.”

“And what am I?” Joshua pouted as he returned from the kitchen.

“A leech at most,” you teased, causing Chan to chuckle. “You showed up just to watch my movies and eat all my snacks.” Joshua rolled his eyes but resumed his original position beside you anyway. He could never really be annoyed at you.

“So when are you guys going to head over here?” Chan asked. “Most of the guys are already here and are already planning to do something after the gala.”

“We’re headed out first thing tomorrow morning,” Joshua answered. “We’re only staying for the week.”

“Make sure you pack your warmest clothes,” Chan advised. “It’s supposed to be colder than usual this week.” You mimed a salute to Chan and Joshua nodded in response. “Okay, I’ll see you both tomorrow then!” Chan exclaimed before saying a quick goodbye, accidentally cutting himself off in the process.

Joshua set his phone down and you could still see the echoes of pink on his cheeks from Chan’s remark earlier. “I’m uh…” he began, getting up from his spot and still avoiding looking you in the eyes. “I’m gonna go get ready for bed. Is your extra blanket still in the hall closet?” 

“Yeah,” you responded. “Wake me up later?” 

He smiled at you from the bathroom door. “Of course,” he assured you. “Good night.”

“Good morning, sunshine,” you heard a voice cut through your dreams. Joshua was sitting beside you in bed, shaking you gently. The room was still dark and you wondered if you slept any more than four hours. “It’s 5 a.m.,” Joshua told you, as if he knew what you were thinking. “It’s early, but I wanted to beat the traffic.” 

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up. Joshua was already dressed. Well, dressed for a road trip. He was still wearing the same hoodie from last night, but traded his plaid pajamas for a pair of black sweatpants, and a white baseball cap sat on his hair that was growing out much too fast. “Good morning,” you yawned. You reached up to brush the bangs that were sticking out from under his hat away from his eyes. He chuckled softly, and you were glad that any awkwardness he might have felt last night was gone.

“I already put your suitcase in the car,” he announced as he watched you get up and head to the restroom to change and get ready for the day. “Everything is ready. Well, except you.” 

You popped your head out of the restroom to roll your eyes on him before returning. He walked out of the hallway and headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll make us some coffee,” he called loud enough for you to hear.

When you were finally out of the bathroom, dressed similarly to Joshua in a sweater and sweatpants, you were greeted to the smell of coffee and your favorite pastries from the bakery downstairs. Joshua was sitting at the counter, sipping from his favorite of your mugs – a misshapen Snoopy mug that you had found on one of your many thrift shop trips together. The sight was all too familiar to you and made it much too easy to pretend that this was what it looked like to be in love with and loved by the man across from you.

“You ready?” he asked, handing you your pastries, still in the bag and still warm, and the coffee that he had put into one of your travel mugs. You took one sip and savored the ratio of sugar and cream that Joshua had perfected when it came to you, and nodded at him in reply. After going through your mental checklist of last minute things to turn off and unplug, the two of you finally made it out the door.

“Do you still have that playlist we made last year on that work trip?” You asked as you entered Joshua’s car which was still cold after spending the night in the guest parking spot at your complex.

Joshua handed you his phone which he had plugged into the car. “Duh, it should be pinned,” he said as he fiddled with the many buttons on his car dashboard. You almost sighed as you felt the growing  warmth of his heated seats. I’d marry him right now for his car, you thought to yourself as you put the playlist on and handed Joshua the phone. He plotted the address of your childhood home and you two were set for the next few hours.

Not long after leaving the apartment, the sky began to slip out of its indigo hues and into a cozy blend of pinks and oranges that could fool anyone into thinking it wasn’t freezing outside. The sun was beginning to rise over the horizon, casting a warm glow onto Joshua’s face and as he reached up to grab his sunglasses, he caught your gaze.

“Take a picture,” he teased. “It’ll last longer.” He had his sunglasses on, but it didn’t do much to hide that he was looking at you through his peripheral. You pulled out your phone.

“I will, actually,” you started taking pictures, capturing Joshua’s laughter. He’s so pretty like this, you thought to yourself as you continued to take candid shots of him. “These are definitely instagram worthy,” you told him.

“Send them to me later,” he requested.

“Mmmm… you’ll have to earn them,” you smiled and tucked your phone away. You pulled your sweatshirt sleeves down over your palms as you began to yawn. 

“You can nap, you know?” Joshua assured, taking a quick glance at you. “We still have a ways to go.” 

You shook your head. “I don’t want you to drive alone,” you told him. “Plus, it’s too bright out anyway.”

Joshua let out a sigh before reaching up to pull off his cap which he then placed on your head instead, pulling the front down to cover your eyes from the brunt of the sunlight. “You should really find better excuses if you’re gonna keep arguing with me,” he joked. “Now sleep, I’ll wake you if I need anything.”

“Oh Joshy,” you started. “When will you learn that I never give in easily?” Despite your arguments, you were already drifting off.

“Trust me,” you heard him say softly. “I know it all too well.”

When you finally woke up, it took your eyes a bit to adjust to the brightness of the day. You reached up to pull down the hat over your eyes, only to find that in its place was the weight of Joshua’s head on top of yours and you had accidentally slapped him right in the face.

“Well good morning to you too,” Joshua yawned, leaning off of you. “We’re here by the way.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” You leaned back toward your seat and away from the center console where you and Joshua’s arms were practically entwined.

“I felt bad that you only had like 3 hours of sleep, and I guess I dozed off waiting for you to wake up.” He shrugged as if it was the most casual and normal thing to do. It most definitely was not normal. Scanning your surroundings, you saw that you were parked in front of your home. “Are you ready?” Joshua asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied with a sigh.

The two of you walked out of the car with your luggage in hand, only for Joshua to do a double take in front of your parents’ driveway. “That’s so funny,” Joshua chuckled to himself. “That looks like my mom’s car.”

It was indeed Joshua’s mom’s car.

Apparently, both of your moms had become best friends in the last year, after Joshua’s mom volunteered to help out with the gala last Christmas. The next few hours were filled with countless childhood stories being shared about you and Joshua, leaving you both flustered and embarrassed. It turned out that before Joshua Hong was a high school heartthrob, he was a goofy little boy who dressed up as Shrek every single halloween without fail. 

Eventually, when both women had exhausted their memories, they shooed the two of you away to the living room so they could finalize details for tomorrow night’s gala. There wasn’t anything good on TV, so you and Joshua mostly sat together, quietly scrolling through your phones. When Joshua’s mom came in, neither of you even noticed until she remarked, “Don’t you two look cozy?” 

You were laying down with your legs swung over Joshua’s lap and a blanket on top of both of you. You were cozy, but your cheeks flushed at the teasing tone of her remark. You sat up and scooched an appropriate distance away from Joshua who laughed quietly. His cheeks weren’t red at all. “Oh, don’t mind me,” his mom dismissed, grabbing a vase from the coffee table and retreating out of the living room. “As you were, lovebirds.” From the kitchen, you could hear them in a fit of stifled laughter.

You looked at Joshua who was fighting his own laughter as he waited for you to resume your position close to him. He could tell you were hesitating and cut through your thoughts. “It’s warmer under the blanket,” he coaxed you back to him.

When the doorbell rang and Chan’s voice cut through to the living room, you and Joshua both looked at each other with a sigh of relief. Boredom was creeping in quickly, and Chan offered the promise of something to do to break from the monotony of being in your childhood home. The two of you stood up to meet him at the door and offered for him to come into the house.

“No, that’s okay,” he dismissed. “I was on my way to meet the guys when I saw your car and thought I’d come and see if the two of you wanted to come along.” You were already slipping on your shoes and coat before he said anything else.

“Whatever you’re doing, I’m in,” you agreed, tying your scarf around your neck. Joshua was doing the same already.

“I haven’t even –” Chan tried to continue, but the two of you were already pushing past him, waving goodbye to your moms.

“I call shotgun,” you called out as you walked toward Chan’s car. Joshua pouted but stood at the back passenger’s door anyway. 

It wasn’t until Chan was already in the car that you finally asked where he was taking you. “The guys wanted to meet up at the parking lot of the high school,” he explained.

“As a teacher,” Joshua began, leaning forward between you and Chan’s seats. “I don’t condone loitering on school grounds after hours. As a former high school delinquent myself though, I just hope Hansol brought snacks.”

“As fun as that sounds,” Chan chuckled. “I think Seungcheol and Seungkwan wanted to play soccer on the field.”

Sure enough, when you arrived at your old school, you could hear the boys yelling from the field before you even got out of the car. It was a familiar sight, and a wave of nostalgia came over you as you and Chan trailed behind Joshua on your way to the field. 

“Remember when you would beg me and Seungkwan to watch our soccer practices?” Chan nudged you.

You rolled your eyes back at him. “I was really interested in soccer, okay?” you defended. You were lying and Chan definitely knew it. You only used to come to his games and practices to watch Joshua play. In your years of high school, however, you never actually learned anything more about the sport.

“Right,” Chan said. “Name a soccer position. Any soccer position. Besides the goalie.”

“Uh,” you hesitated. “Okay fine, I had ulterior motives, but shut up.” Your face suddenly felt hot and you hoped that Joshua didn’t hear your conversation. Chan laughed as he watched you walk away from him.

When you arrived on the field, it seemed that most of the other dozen or so members of Joshua and Chan’s friend group were already engrossed in the middle of a game. You slipped into the bleachers beside Jeonghan, who was snacking on a banana. Jeonghan was Joshua’s partner in crime in high school. Because of your shared literature class, you had spoken to him a bit more than Joshua or his other friends in high school. He gave you a slight nod in acknowledgement before offering you one as well.

“Hey, long time no see,” he greeted you. “Did you and Josh just get here?”

“Yeah,” you replied, accepting the banana. “About an hour ago. No soccer for you today?”

“Not today,” he shook his head. “I hurt my ankle at work, so I guess I’m up here with you today.”

“I can’t promise I’ll be as entertaining as whatever’s happening down there,” You gestured down to the field where the boys had briefly paused to attempt a weird trending dance Joshua had learned from his students. 

“I’m sure you will be,” Jeonghan said with a smirk.

“That almost sounded threatening, Jeonghan.”

“Nah,” Jeonghan wrapped an arm around you. “I just have a few questions for you, and I’m sure your answers will be entertaining. For me, anyway.”

You immediately knew where this was headed. Jeonghan was the only other person, besides Chan, Hansol, and Seungkwan that knew of your crush on Joshua. The only difference was that he had somehow figured it out on his own, rather than you admitting it to him. He confronted you on a day like this, at one of the soccer practices. He plopped down beside you during their break and asked bluntly, “So when are you gonna tell ol’ twinkly eyes you like him?”

You had sworn Jeonghan to secrecy, which he of course agreed to. “Why would I tell him myself, when I can be in on the secret instead?” he had said. Even in all of the times you’ve seen him since that day, he’s kept his word. Now here you are yet again on the bleachers about to answer the same question. 

Knowing you didn’t have much of a choice, you let out a sigh. “Go ahead.”

“Great,” Jeonghan beamed. “First one, when are you gonna tell ol’ twinkly eyes you like him?” You threw your head back at his question. How does he remember that? You thought to yourself.

“Never, most likely,” you answered. Jeonghan shook his head in disappointment. “What?”

“That’s such a boring answer,” Jeonghan chastised. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“Because I like being his friend,” you shrugged. “What we have right now is nice.”

Jeonghan snorted a laugh. “Seriously?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked loudly, causing Joshua to turn up at you from the field in concern. You smiled and waved to him, appeasing him as he turned back to the game.

Jeonghan put his hands on your shoulders, squeezing as if massaging you. “Relax,” he shushed. “It’s just… you guys are basically in a relationship already.” 

“No we’re not,” you argued.

“Oh please,” Jeonghan scoffed. “Half the time Joshua picks up my facetime calls, he’s in your apartment or you’re in his. He has a drawer full of shirts that he’s set aside for you at his place, and I’m sure you have one at yours. Do you know how many times he’s left a night out early so he can come see you instead? And if he doesn’t leave, he’s ordering a meal to your place to make sure you have something to eat. It’s a relationship, you’re just both too scared to say it.” 

For once, you were speechless, and for the second time, Jeonghan had hit the nail right on the head. What were you and Joshua? Just friends don’t do the things you do… but also, if he wanted to be something more, why wouldn’t he just ask? And if he didn’t ask… well should you even be doing these things anymore?

“You know I’m teasing you, right?” Jeonghan continued, seeing the way your skin began to pale in panic. “Well mostly. I do think you guys are just a semantic definition away from dating, but you don’t have to say anything to him if you’re not ready.” You let out a sigh. “Thanks, Hannie.” 

“No problem,” he said. “Just think about it okay?” It looked like the boys were wrapping up their game, and Jeonghan chuckled as he watched Joshua immediately search for your eyes as he grabbed a bottle of water. 

Jeonghan leaned over in a whisper. “I’ve never seen him look at someone like that. I call him starry eyes for a reason.” Before you could reply, he stood to meet the other boys while Joshua came bounding up the bleachers to replace him.

“You okay?” he asked as you nodded your head in reply. “Are you sure? Jeonghan can be a bit much.”

“Yeah,” you chuckled. “You ready to go?”

“Well,” he began, eyes trailing to the boys who were all grabbing their stuff. “The guys wanna go get waffles at the diner, but if you’re down, we can walk there together. I know a bit of a shortcut.” You nodded and the two of you said your goodbyes to the group. 

Instead of walking back to the parking lot, Joshua led you down a small alleyway between the gymnasium and the soccer field. The gap was narrow and dark, especially with the sun beginning to set, and Joshua reached behind him to grab your hand. If you hadn’t just spoken with Jeonghan, you would have felt butterflies, but instead you just felt a bit guilty.

“Joshua,” you called out. “This feels sketchy.”

“Oh, it definitely is,” he replied, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “This is how I used to sneak off campus way back in the day.” It wasn’t long until you were finally in a clearing, and you paused to catch your breath. Small spaces were not fun.

“You know,” you began. “I had heard you skipped class but I never really believed it.”

“It’s such a shame we weren’t best friends back then,” Joshua laughed. “I could’ve been a bad influence on you so much earlier on.”

“I can’t believe the district trusts you to educate our future leaders,” you teased. 

“I’m reformed,” Joshua defended.

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes. As you continued walking, you found yourself speaking before you realized what you were asking. “Do you think we could’ve been friends in high school the way we are now?”

“No,” Joshua replied quickly. “I’m a firm believer that things happen when they’re supposed to happen. Plus, you were too good for me.” He looked over at you with a gentle smile. It wasn’t really the answer you expected to hear, but how can you feel hurt when he smiles at you like that?

“Oh,” you uttered. “Too good for you?” you felt yourself blush at his words.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “You were kind, smart, and cute. I was smart too, but a bit of a slacker, as you can see.” Cute? He called you cute, you thought to yourself. 

“Well what about now?” The two of you had stopped at a small park. You weren’t too far from the restaurant, but it was obvious you were both holding onto the opportunity to be away from the chaotic energy that tends to follow a group of 13 boys.

“Well,” Joshua began, leading you to sit beside in the swing next to his. “You’re still smart and kind, and I’m less of a slacker.”

“What about cute?” you asked, expecting him to tease you. “Am I still that?”

Joshua shook his head before looking at you with a kind of softness you hadn’t seen before. It was as if you were something delicate he was holding in his hands and he was afraid that you would shatter with any pressure. “You’re beautiful,” he breathed out the words in a whisper. If the breeze had picked up any more, his words would have been carried away with it.

For a second, you couldn’t say anything. Joshua had complimented you many times before but it was always in silly comments or in teasing jokes. This, however, was none of the above. It felt like a confession, almost, like something he’d been wanting to say for much too long. It just felt different, but the good kind of different. The kind that feels like a door is opening, slowly.

The sun was setting behind him, coating his face in swathes of warmth and you couldn’t help but think the same about him. You had seen him in the sunrise and now with the sunset, and you thought to yourself, If only I could start and end every day with him like this. And so, you decided, it was time to reach for something new, even if it came with the risk of losing what you had now. Hoping for a Christmas miracle, you finally whispered back to him.

“Joshua,” you began. Even in the disappearing daylight, Joshua’s eyes twinkled away, anticipating what you had to say. “I think I… I think I–”

The sound of a car honking turned both of your attention to the source – Jeonghan’s car filled with too many people who were all waving at the two of you. “Hurry up, lovebirds! We’re starving,” Mingyu called from the passenger’s side as they sped away. 

The moment was gone, but as you looked at Joshua, he gazed at you with the same fondness as before. He stood up and offered a hand out to you, helping you up. “Let’s…” he began with a sigh. “Let’s try this again tomorrow, okay?” 

Your hand still in his, he gave it a squeeze before letting it go.

The next day, you woke up to the sight of blinding sun bouncing off the snow blanketed streets. It was refreshing to be able to wake up well past noon in your childhood bedroom to the sound of your parents listening to Christmas music downstairs. It all felt so familiar, just like you never left.

However, what did shock you, was finding Joshua at the kitchen counter, helping your parents make Christmas cookies. He was still in his pajamas and his hair was still messy, but he was laughing along as your dad butchered all the words to “Frosty the Snowman.” No one had noticed you coming down the stairs, and you appreciated the chance to observe the scene quietly. Joshua just seemed to fit in every aspect of your life so perfectly, and it almost made you regret the years you had spent pining from a distance. But Joshua was right, things happen when they’re meant to.

Finally deciding to make your presence known, you walked to the fridge to grab a glass of orange juice before sitting at the counter, across from where Joshua was adding the finishing touches to a gingerbread man.

“Morning,” you greeted him. “I see my parents have taken you hostage.”

Joshua laughed as your dad responded. “Not true, he chose to come here with his mother, so the labor was implied.” You looked around, Joshua’s mom was nowhere in sight.

“Where is Mrs. Hong anyway?” you asked.

“She went to the gala venue to start with the decorations,” Joshua answered. “Told me to be productive here.”

“Why didn’t anyone wake me?” you questioned. “I could have helped.”

Your parents and Joshua all shared a laugh. “Oh honey,” Joshua cooed. “We tried.” You blushed at the nickname. He dusted his hands off against the apron he was wearing before pulling his phone out to show you the evidence. He had taken a video of him trying to wake you up.

The video showed you sprawled across the bed like a starfish, and as Joshua tried to shake you to wake you up, you swatted his hand away. Even though he wasn’t in the frame, you could hear the smile in his voice. He would never let you forget that he had this video. You hid your face in embarrassment.

“Anyway,” your mom said. “We’re just wrapping up, so you two can go ahead and get ready.”

“I didn’t bring any of my stuff with me so I’ll head home,” Joshua explained as he untied his apron. “I’ll swing by around 6 to come get you?” he asked.

“That’s perfect,” you smiled at him as he nodded and helped your mom place the last of the cookies into a box, ready to be taken to the venue. “What about you guys?” you asked your parents.

“We’re going to the venue now,” your mom explained. “We’ll be getting ready there after setting everything up.” You watched from the counter as your dad and Joshua picked up all of the boxes of desserts and carefully walked to the door to load them in the car. You called out a goodbye to them as you went back up to your room to get ready.

When the doorbell finally rang, it was 5:50 p.m. and you were still not ready. Your makeup was halfway done and your hair was still in a mess of rollers on top of your head. “You’re early,” you exclaimed as you opened the door to an elegantly dressed, hair perfectly coiffed, cologne scented Joshua. “Wow, you look…”

He smirked at you as he held out a flower that he was holding. A single white blossom. “Handsome? Hot? Like heaven on legs? An angel?” he teased.

“Beautiful,” you finished. Joshua looked surprised and with his hair slicked back, you could see the tips of his ears turn a shade of red.

“That’s my line,” he recovered. 

“Not yet, I’m not,” you laughed, shaking your head as you let him into the house. He stepped in, but stopped in front of you.

“You always are,” he said again in that same tone from last night. The kind that made you go weak in the knees and made you wish time would pause for just a little bit, long enough for you to memorize the freckles on his face and find constellations in his eyes. Then he smiled, and you remembered how you looked, not even close to ready, but he still smiled at you like that, and you let yourself think, this what it looks like when Joshua Hong loves you.

You almost left the house just like that. It wouldn’t matter how you actually dressed, because you felt beautiful. But, who would you be if you weren’t constantly trying to beat Joshua Hong at his own games? So you snapped out of your haze and finished getting ready, and the look he gave you as you finally came back down the stairs indeed felt like a victory.

“Cat got your tongue, Hong?” you teased. Now in your heels, you were nearly eye level with him. His cheeks had turned pink and instead of replying, he shook his head and laughed. 

“I suddenly feel underdressed,” he joked, offering you the flower he had earlier. Before you could reach out to grab it, however, he reached out and tucked it behind your ear. “I know it’ll fall out, but I couldn’t find a corsage or anything.”

“A corsage?” you questioned. “Are you taking me to the prom, Joshua?”

“Just humor me,” he offered his elbow out to you. “It’s what I should’ve done in high school.”

The gala was in full swing when the two of you finally arrived. A band was playing jazzy renditions of Christmas carols, couples were on the dance floor, and everyone was dressed to the nines in shades of red, green, and gold. Joshua’s friends were split into two tables near the back, but before the two of you headed towards them, Joshua pulled you away to the buffet table.

“Hungry?” you asked Joshua with a teasing smile.

“Not really,” he admitted but grabbed a cookie anyway. “I just wanted you to myself for a little bit longer.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” you questioned. 

“I just know that as soon as we walk over there,” Joshua pointed to the table where the boys were all gathered around Chan, Seungcheol, and Mingyu having a water bottle flipping contest. “Either Jeonghan or Chan is gonna steal you away and I won’t be able to see you until the night is over.” He took a bite of his cookie.

“And what a loss that would be,” you joked. You grabbed a cup of punch and a cookie as well. “Did you make this one? It looks very Joshy.”

“Yes I did,” he nodded. “And yes, it would be a loss. Save me a dance?” He held his hand up, raising his pinky to yours for a pinky promise.

“Always,” you affirmed, crossing your pinky with his.

Sure enough, as soon as you sat down at your seat, Jeonghan and Chan both were pulling you right back up. Joshua shot you a knowing look and mouthed “Told you,” as you were dragged toward the dance floor.

The band began to play an upbeat Christmas song, loud and brassy. Jeonghan twirled you around as he spoke, loudly for you to hear over the music. “Took you long enough,” he joked.

“What do you mean?” you asked with a laugh.

“We were placing bets on how long Joshua would try to keep you away from us,” Chan answered, doing some dance that did not fit the vibe of the song. It was quite endearing how well the boys knew each other.

“Did you finally get to talk to him?” Jeonghan asked. The middle of the dance floor was a very odd place to be having this conversation, but yet so fitting for the two boys with you.

“Well we were kind of getting to it last night,” you confessed. “Until we were rudely interrupted by a gaggle of impatient and hungry men.”

“Oh we thought you guys were already making out,” Chan announced. By now he was just going through decades of trendy dance moves. He was on the mashed potato now.

“What? No,” you were thankful that it was a bit dark in the ballroom, they couldn’t see the blush on your face. “We were just talking.”

“Lame,” Jeonghan booed, dragging the word out and giving you a thumbs down.

“I thought you wanted me to talk to him,” you questioned.

“Yeah, talk about something juicy,” he retorted. “If you didn’t confess, and there was no kissing, you were just being lame and I don’t care.”

“Well how am I supposed to talk to him if I’m dancing with you fools?” You rolled your eyes. The tempo began to slow as the band began the Christmas Waltz.

“Oh, perfect,” Chan mused as he and Jeonghan shared a mischievous look. Before you could stop them, they had already run back to the table and grabbed a confused looking Joshua who was halfway to taking a bite of his cookie. Once they returned, they shoved him towards you, and he nearly fell to the floor on top of you, but caught his momentum by resting his hands on your shoulders.

You took a step back in recoil, blinking in surprise. Joshua repositioned himself so one hand was at your waist, drawing you in, and his other hand held yours against his chest. “Hey,” he smiled.

“Hey,” you breathed out. He was close enough to you that you could smell the cinnamon in his cologne. 

“I guess I was wrong about those two,” Joshua laughed. “Remind me to thank them later.”

“Will do,” you laughed. “But, maybe don’t thank them too much. We have an audience.” You nodded towards the table where at least half of the boys had their phones out, taking videos of the two of you and giving a thumbs up. You leaned your forehead against Joshua’s shoulder in attempt to hide from the attention.

“Ignore them,” he chuckled, giving your hand a squeeze. “This is one of my favorite Christmas songs,” he announced and began singing along quietly. You tried not to wince at the way his breath tickled against your ear in a private serenade.

It’s that time of year,

When the world falls in love.

You pulled back to look at him, his eyes reflecting the light from the disco ball and his face lit up in the dim glow of the strings of Christmas lights. You found yourself leaning in before you could find a reason not to. When your lips finally met his, it felt like coming home. Like the ending of a melody you’ve been chasing your whole life, the answer to a question you’ve been asking since you met him. He was smiling when you pulled away. 

“I love you,” he said so easily as if he'd been saying it to you his whole life. 

Your mouth opened, as if to say something, but no words came out. Joshua smiled softly down at you. “There is absolutely no way you can argue your way out of this one,” he teased. 

“I wasn’t going to argue,” you defended yourself. “I was just… you beat me to it.” 

“Well,” he leaned down to press a kiss against your temple. “You’ll have plenty of chances to beat me to it from now on.” 

From the side of your vision, you could see Jeonghan, Chan and the others silently cheering the two of you on. Joshua rolled his eyes at them before leaning back in to kiss you. “Might as well give them something to cheer for,” he breathed against your lips.

This, you thought, this whole time, I have known exactly what it feels like to love Joshua Hong. Loving him feels like coming home.

It wasn’t until the day after, when the boys were back at the field playing soccer that you finally got to ask Joshua the one question you’d been dying to ask him since your first day of work with him. He decided to sit out from the game and watch from the bleachers with you instead.

Your arm was looped through his and your head was resting on his shoulder. Your entwined hands were resting on his knee and it was comfortable.

“Oh hey,” you cut through the silence. “Do you remember the first time we met?” 

“Duh,” Joshua replied. “We met at my graduation party, where Chan brought you as his date. Look where that got him though.” He laughed and you could feel it. When you sat up and pulled your arm out of his, he looked at you in concern.

“That’s not where we met,” you bit your lip as you broke the news to him.

“What do you mean?” Joshua argued. “I remember it clear as day. Chan told me he was bringing a girl from school, and I made fun of him for it. Then you walked into the kitchen looking for a soda, and that’s when we met.”

“No…” you began. “We met at my freshman orientation.” Joshua looked confused as you continued. “You were my orientation leader, and you introduced me to Chan.”

Joshua’s face paled in embarrassment and he buried his head in your shoulder with a groan. You patted his back, and couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped your lips.

“I don’t even remember meeting my own girlfriend,” he groaned in disappointment. 

“It’s fine, Shua,” you assured him. “You made up for it anyway.”

“How?” he questioned, finally looking up at you with a pout.

“When you remembered my name that day you walked into my classroom.”

[raeniskaies]

how to fix your mindset ♡

- your mindset is one of the most powerful things in the world . how you depict the world , what you believe , can absolutely change it all . .

001 , respect yourself

- so most of you attend school , right ? whenever you talk to the teacher , you call them by their honorific titles or speak to them with respect . or if you meet a stranger , you greet them and ask how they are. now , forget about teachers or strangers , imagine you are greeting a member of the royal family , you curtsy or bow towards them with a great amount of respect. you are a member of the royal family. every single morning , look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve a great amount of respect and you deserve the freaking world . don't expect anybody to love you if you don't even like yourself ! look at your room. is it messy ? if so , go clean it right now because having the place where you sleep , study and lounge be messy is extremely disrespectful to yourself. not having the respect or even a frick to clean after yourself is disrespectful to you and you might not even realise it. treat yourself like you're the most precious thing in the world because honey , you are .

002 , stop being lazy + pathetic

- you may be still searching on how to stop being lazy or how to get back up. do it. I don't care if you're tired because whose fault is that ? some people can not afford to be lazy. the financially struggling can not afford to be lazy. the single parents can not afford to be lazy. the workers can not afford to be lazy. you sit around on your butt all day watching tiktok or reading tumblr blogs or whatever to do absolutely nothing. God has given you the gift of life , out of billions , you were the one to be placed on this earth and you spend your life doing nothing ? don't say you're unlucky or your life is terrible. that's absolutely pathetic. let that be your motivation. it's okay to take breaks or rest but please get back on track. only the privileged can afford to be lazy.

003 , don't follow people around - you're not a dog

- have you watched ' mean girls ' ? had you seen gretchen and karen ? did you notice how they follow regina ? don't be like them , don't waste your time , your life on following someone like they own you. don't seek someone's attention like you live off of it ; you don't ! it's also disrespectful to yourself because you're lowering yourself to the position of a dog or any other pet , following it's master to the end of their time. life is only once. use your time on something more important.

004 , idgaf

- please don't care if somebody hates or dislikes you. they are just jealous. no seriously , they spend most of their time obsessing over you and your life just to " hate on it " , they're jealous , hun. also face it , we are all going to die , life is too short to care about it , you are way more important to just worry your pretty little head on some obsessive parasite !

" so and so said this about you - " okay.

" they said this - " okay.

okay. idgaf.

005 , life is survival of the fittest

- your future matters. your teen years go way too fast and before you know it , you're already grown up. get a decent education. get to the top.

my mother always tells me I am pretty , I am smart , I have potential and I actually do. at the age of 10 she would already know what private university she would attend and she would have that as her number one goal. 5 years later , she travelled away from all of her family , her friends , her home to reach her dream ( the uni ) and she did. she knows others who have done the exact same as her who are billionaires and others who haven't who are financially struggling. throughout her parenting ( the first couple years were an extremely tough time for her ) journey , not one person , not even her bestest friends had come to our home offering gifts or money , not even for her kids. everybody else is focusing on their own families and their lifes ! if you have an opportunity , take it , like my mother had + be prepared ! because at the end of the day , in 10 years , your " friend " will not pay your rent.

006 , your mind is blind but not deaf

- your brain has no eyes of some sort that can lookout and know what's happening. whatever you tell your brain is happening , that's what it will believe , e . g ::

♡ " I'm ugly " then you'll be ugly. you'll perceive yourself as ugly.

♡ " I can't achieve anything " then you won't. you'll get nothing done in your life.

instead , tell yourself affirmations in the mirror , remind yourself that you're absolutely stunning ! it will come true !

007 , every setback is a blessing in disguise // see the bright things in everything

- now I do not care how bad something was , or how much it had impacted you , that is a blessing in disguise from God. God has your back. God is with you 24 / 7. He is greater than everything in the entire world. Don't ever erase that from your mind if something as small as not being able to go to your bestie's bday party or having strict parents. When I moved to the other side of the world , I felt like my life was over. 2 months later , I realised how toxic some of my old " friends " were and I got amazing opportunities where I live now. " When a door closes , another one opens " that is one of the most truthful sayings ever.

008 , don't wallow in your own self pity like a pig

- did you lose a competition or your partner broke up with you ? its okay to feel sad and you can cry about it but afterwards , get up. Move on. im sorry but nobody really cares. "oh my life is so unfair" so is everybody else's ? Get over it , please ! you can try another competition and your ex was clearly not for you so move on. nobody will care because they have their own problems to deal with. they may say sorry or give you a pat on the back but that's it. It won't change anything. they will be a whole lot ahead of you whilst you're still in the same spot in life , wallowing in your own self pity. whether you like it or not , life moves on and nobody cares , ml ♡

009 , set boundaries

- do you not like it when someone makes fun of you or touches you in a way you don't like ? you do not have to endure that , honey ! set your boundaries and if someone breaks them , take a break / leave them ! if they cannot respect your boundaries , they don't deserve you ! ♡

010 , drop toxic people

- it doesn't matter if you've been friends with them since kindergarten , or you don't want to seem mean. drop toxic people. this includes "friends" who just talk about themselves and say things like "oh , my life sucks" all the time , put everything in a negative mood. they don't deserve you. don't ruin your mental health over someone else , ml ! ♡

sorry if I sounded mean , I'm just trying to be honest !! ♡

[genericpuff]

As someone who can't afford to go to animation school n adores your work- are there any advice or tips they taught you could share that transfer to art or comics? I know you talked about learning how to properly reference things which I admit I think I and a lot of other artists struggle with knowing how to do

Ironically enough, as much as I learned that I do NOT have the patience for animating (which is... ironic, considering all the patience that's required to make a comic LMAO) I did still learn a lot from it that I was able to take into comics. Storyboarding was one of the more obvious ones, as storyboards are basically just the "still versions" of an animation before it's been animated, with establishing shots, camera pans, dialogue shots, etc. all of which you'd find utilized in a comic.

Alongside that was learning how to draw consistently. Turnaround sheets are a shared practice in both animation and comics, they're necessary to creating an ongoing project that features the same core cast of characters. Learning how to draw the same characters the exact same way every time in a way that's both consistent and efficient is crucial.

That said, aside from those little starting tips, I do hope that some day you're able to find the means to go to school for animation or whatever it is that you're desiring to go into and learn. Yes, post-secondary schooling is expensive, and there are a lot of risks in pursuing a diploma/degree that can affect your future. That said, as someone who went to a school that literally no longer exists (like fr I don't even know if I can get my transcript anymore so for all I know, the year I spent in animation college only exists in the student loans that I'm still paying off, rip) I still learned and gained so much that I simply wouldn't have in high school or on Youtube. The biggest of which was the environment - being put into an actual dedicated space for learning art, with peers and teachers who were all unified in that space working towards the same goal, made so much more of a difference in my learning than I initially anticipated. I got so much feedback and guidance thanks to my instructors, and it really put me into a space where I was forced to try new things, I couldn't keep relying on the same tricks and comfort zones anymore. If it weren't for my instructors pushing me to step outside of that comfort zone, I never would have learned how to draw from life or use other mediums that subsequently became the foundations of the stuff I make today.

And while a lot of the things they taught I could have learned on Youtube or CTRL+Paint or Draw-a-Box, being in an actual classroom with grades and a schedule to abide by actually kept me moving in a forward direction and gave me so much more help on a personal level than some guy on Youtube could have given me reading from a script or, in this case, some rando on Tumblr responding to anonymous asks LMAO

Obviously, I'm never gonna recommend that anyone put themselves into financial ruin for post-secondary schooling, ESPECIALLY right now with the economy being what it is, but I do hope that if you genuinely want to go to school that you can find the means to do so, whether it's opting for community classes or applying for scholarships/bursaries/grants/etc or even just signing up for a local art class. Do your research on what's available and feasible to you - even art clubs can be super helpful in getting you out there and talking to people! As much as we may all be slaving away over our desks creating our next big piece, art is still a form of community and interpersonal communication - whether it's between you and an audience, or a peer with whom you exchange new ideas and feedback, or a mentor whose skills you hope to inherit and pass on to the next generation.

Until then though, keep creating and keep getting inspired. If you've never drawn from life before, set up a bowl of fruit and draw it as closely as you can to the real thing, or go to the food court and see how quickly you can sketch the people walking by before they're gone. If you've never tried storyboarding before, grab a piece of paper, find a scene from a live action movie you like, and storyboard it as if you were making an animated film. Try things! Fail at it! Try it again! See what happens!

[myfairkatiecat]

NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE, BUT i HATE KEEFE SO SO MUCH AND IM WONDERING (GENUINELY) WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT HIM BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE THE APPEAL

ALSO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THIS IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR BUGS YOU SORRY IF IT DOES EITHER/BOTH

Hey anon! Those are some strong feelings you've got there!

This is a tricky question to answer since a lot of the things that make me like Keefe's character make some people dislike his character, so you might be about to get a list of all the things you despise about him by asking me what I like about him. I like him because I think he's a good character, and way better written than people give him (or Shannon) credit for. I don't always love Wattpad Fanon Keefe (perfect boyfriend, super sweet, always says the right thing) because it erases so much of his character. I like canon Keefe. He's a raw character with a lot going on and a whole slew of well-developed character traits.

Before I jump into this post, however, I want to say one thing: I think a lot of people who dislike Keefe are mostly frustrated with Shannon's portrayal of his character flaws, and I don't think they give Shannon enough credit for the way she's intentionally written Sophie as an unreliable narrator. It's rather clear during different parts of the series that Sophie isn't the most reliable narrator, and Shannon also explicitly writes in the margins of her annotated KOTLC book that she used a certain scene as an example of when Keefe takes his jokes too far. Sophie forgives him without even an outright apology in that scene, but Shannon makes it clear in her annotations that she, the author, isn't writing it off. I don't own the annotated so I can't remember the exact quote, but it's my biggest case for why I think Shannon has intentionally written Keefe with these character flaws, as character flaws, and yes, Shannon sees them as character flaws and has said so, so for the purposes of this ask response here, let's assume Shannon Messenger is aware she's writing a flawed character, because I do think it's rather unfair to her how often the people of the fandom accuse her of brushing by Keefe's actions when in reality she's just writing Sophie Foster as true to her character as she can.

With that, let's jump into this little essay about Why Keefe Is An Awesome Character And I Love Him that I've writtten for you!

My AP English teacher always used to say, "characters are more human than humans." I believe the purpose of this quote was that well-written characters exemplify what makes us human—our love, our experiences, our regret, our strengths and flaws—in ways that connect strongly to the audience. Part of the reason so many people like Keefe's character, I believe, is because they are able to connect strongly to him. This is because he is written as "more human than humans," as my AP English teacher would say—even though technically, he's not a human, but an elf.

One major strong point of Keefe Sencen's character is that his strengths and weaknesses are often wrapped up in the same character traits. This is something that is true for many people. For example, my politeness in real life social situations makes me a lot of friends, but too often can turn to people-pleasing. A good character, in my opinion, should have both strengths and flaws stemming from all of their major character traits. Here are a few of Keefe's:

His humor

One major aspect of Keefe's character is his humor. Whether you personally find it funny or not (I think I found it a little funnier when I was eleven... I'm sorta growing out of some of it, though his wittier comments in the latest books are more my style, which might be a sign of both me and the character maturing) it's an enormous part of his character. As a major character trait, it presents both strengths and flaws.

Often, he brings levity to heavy situations that the other characters appreciate. One instance I remember is in Flashback. They were preparing for a confrontation, and I don't remember what it was that Keefe said, but Sophie narrates that she appreciated the moment of comedic relief, because it eased some of her anxiety. Keefe is able to take intense moments and settle them with quick-witted (or hilariously not funny) comments. This is likely a skill he adopted in order to handle the crushing pressure of being in his own home as a kid. (Fitz, contrastingly, adapted the skill of just holding lots and lots of weight, bending and bending and bending until he finally breaks. Not to make my Keefe essay about Fitz, of course, but I know someone is going to point out that Fitz also dealt with a lot of pressure at home, and wanted to point out that he developed somewhat unhealthy coping mechanisms as well, they're just different from Keefe's.)

However, sometimes his jokes are unwanted or go too far. Shannon comments on this specifically at the end of the first book, where Keefe makes a joke about how he helped save her when she almost died, and then sorta trailed of when he realized he was talking about her almost-death. Shannon commented in the margins that this was a moment of Keefe experiencing awareness that his joking has gone a little too far. She hasn't released annotated editions of any later books, but I'm confident that at least a few other scenes are examples of this as well. Sometimes I run across them during a read through and I'm like "huh, it's interesting to have a good idea as to what Shannon was thinking writing this." Sometimes, his constant making light of serious situations really isn't funny to anyone, and it keeps him from accepting the gravity of what they're doing, likely contributing to his reckless behavior.

2. His intuitive communication

Something to notice about Keefe is that even though he's often socially unaware, either in ways that indicate his childhood trauma or just his emotionally immaturity as a teenager, he's very good at knowing exactly what to say for his intended goal. That intended goal isn't always necessarily something he should want, mind you—we just talked about how his need to lighten the mood sometimes causes problems, and he knows enough about some of his friends (cough Fitz cough) to know exactly what words will hurt them the most in an argument as well.

This can be a strength for him, especially when he's comforting Sophie. Since he can feel her emotions instinctively, he often knows exactly what she needs to hear. He's actually incredibly sweet at times, especially in Legacy (I mean... there are other issues there, which I'll get into another time). For example, when he's telling her the reasons Bronte isn't the worst possible father for her to have. There's nothing inherently great about the specific way he comforted her, but it did ease some of Sophie's queasiness, because he knew what she needed to hear. Also, there are the scenes in Legacy where he's telling her that Sophie Foster is all she needs to be, or the scene in Everblaze where he reminds her that no matter who her parents are, she's still going to be exactly the same person she is, and they can't change her. Keefe is really good at knowing the right thing to say. (This might have stemmed from walking on eggshells his entire life aroud his parents!)

However, this also makes it really easy for Keefe to be manipulative, or lie, or say the completely wrong thing on purpose. The best example of the first two was when he somehow convinced everyone in just a few sentences that he totally wasn't going to go to Loamnore with them. Somehow, the guy famous for not doing what he's told convinced everyone he was going to do what he was told, and the thing is, it wasn't even unrealistic. He gave really good reasons that it made sense for him to stay back, and even made jokes about it, about how he and the others not going were "too cool for Loamnore." He had everyone convinced he really wasn't going to be reckless this time, when he totally knew his plan the whole time. The famous Unlocked healing center scene is a great example of the last one, because Keefe got upset with Fitz and knew exactly what to say to make him the most upset and embarassed in that situation. He only even took back the words when Sophie became upset as well. He and Fitz are in... not an awesome place in the latest books, and his POV reflects that.

3. His courage

Let's be honest. Is Keefe a runner? Yes. But when he runs, is he running from a fight? Nope. Never. One of the major instances of this guy running away actually put himself in a ton of danger. He doesn't run for cover, or safety. He runs usually out of fear of himself, his relationships, or that he isn't able to help in any other way. If we really look at his character, Keefe is incredibly brave. All of the KOTLC main cast is. They've got guts. But a lot of the others have a more guarded sort of courage, while Keefe's is... well. Not guarded.

Keefe doesn't think things through, and sometimes, there isn't time for that. Sometimes, immediate action is necessary, and Keefe is great with that. Quick, in-the-moment plans are his specialty. He's not afraid to stand up to people who want to hurt him (*cough* Dimitar scene *cough*).

But he's also extremely reckless (*cough* Dimitar scene *cough*). Because his courage is less guarded than his friends (such as Sophie's or Biana's) he may be more inclined to carry out his plans quickly, but he's also more likely to not think things through fully and end up putting his own life at risk, and sometimes even his friends' lives, even when he's trying to help.

4. His caution and fight or flight instinct

To everyone who ever said Keefe's character is flat and his strengths and flaws never develop or change, what version of KOTLC are you even reading?! Like I mentioned above, Keefe's recklessness is a huge part of his character since book one, but now I'm here about to talk about his caution/obsessive worrying/the famous running away, specifically the second time. This is a relatively new character trait for him. It develops slightly after Lodestar/the first half of Nightfall. Keefe truly did learn a lot from leaving for the Neverseen and lying to Sophie before going to Ravagog. We're given an extremely limited window into this process, since Sophie had other things going on and Keefe's short story focused a lot on his crush on her, but Keefe noticeably steps back and stops trying to turn things into a "Keefe show" (as Sophie puts it in Nightfall) and attempts to work more as a team, which is definitely character development again. However, where he really learned his lesson was Loamnore. He showed up, again going behind Sophie's back and coming up with a plan of his own, and it ended with Sophie tied up on the ground and him being forced to undergo a transformation that gave him powers he's terrified of. While his recklessness didn't entirely vanish after this (his response in the end was to run away to the literal Forbidden Cities) but is definitely flavored with siginificantly more caution and an attempt to be genuinely responsible.

In Unlocked, Keefe noticeably asks for people to be kept away from him, including Sophie, so that he can keep from accidentally controlling anybody. He also stops using his voice entirely. These are actually incredibly selfless things for him to do. He loves to be with his friends (particularly Sophie for reasons) and he loves to talk! And neither of those things are bad! But he isn't willing to put them in danger. In fact, he actually sort of overdoes it in Unlocked, even asking for Dex to make him an ability restrictor. (While he's well-intentioned here, I think Keefe brushes past the idea that making one of those again might be something of a traumatic experience for Dex.) In the end, he's so worried about it that he runs away, but he does it with considerably more of a plan than he did when he joined the Neverseen. He knew he'd know the languages, he arranged a way to get his hands on human currency, and while Unraveled isn't out yet, the state in which they found Keefe along with some of the things Keefe described about his experience make it clear that Keefe purposefully learned a lot about human cultures and successfully blended in and made his life work.

His newfound carefulness paired with his classic instinct to run really encapsulate a lot of his character strengths and flaws. In the later books, it's actually a sign that he's developing as a character and moving away from some of his past character flaws, but like all well-written major character traits, it comes with its own drawbacks.

Another important aspect of Keefe's character is the way he is noticeably shaped by his own experiences. I mentioned the whole "being more human than human" thing earlier, and while yes, he's still not human, I think this is part of what makes so many people connect to his character. He's realistic. He has even more strengths and flaws than the ones I've mentioned above, and all of them obviously come from somewhere specific in his past.

Why is he so chronically unserious? Because he couldn't be serious enough for his family. Before he met Fitz and started spending time with the Vackers, he didn't even really have friends. He had a suffocated home and impossible expectations, and when he tried to live up to them, he just wasn't good enough. So he adapted to break the tension. He adapted to just... not try ("those who don't try never look foolish" -Fiyero in "Dancing Through Life," from Wicked. I think Fiyero is... very Keefe coded) and started skipping classes, breaking the rules, playing pranks and doing anything to cut through the tension. He dealt with pressure by tossing it off his shoulders and just deciding to not deal with it. Obviously, deciding to Just Not Deal With Things eventually began to hurt him, and he slowly and painfully begins to learn to have difficult conversations (but hey, at least he's getting there? I think Neverseen is where his development in that particular area becomes apparent, with the way he opens up more and even admits where he's really beginning to feel guilty).

Why is he such a master of knowing what to say? Because he grew up walking on eggshells around his parents. And when he decided to stop caring about his parents, he weaseled his way out of trouble whenever possible, and learned to use other people's emotions to learn things from them and get his way. "But Katie," you say, "reading other people's emotions without permission and using them to get his way is a very not good thing to do!" You're very correct! And it's an enormous indication of how skewed his view of normal is. What's the one Empath he grew up observing? His father. Look, he knows his parents suck, but because his parents suck, he has no way of knowing what is and isn't normal. Is his father doing this particular thing because he's a horrible person or because that's a normal thing to do? How on Earth is Keefe supposed to know?! Well, there are rules about telepathy, and there aren't any rules about empathy, so the external indications seem to tell him that this particular thing is normal. This is yet another example of Keefe's life experiences having a huge impact on his character.

Why is he so reckless? Because he doesn't care. Even his his most noble moments of bravery stem from the same place of not caring what happens to his life. It's the same reason his deep care for his friends' lives turns to quickly into self-sacrificial tendencies (which show themselves in canon on numerous occasions and usually don't even help). He has this "better me than any of them" mindset that's deeply rooted in his childhood trauma. Even though he's fought tooth and nail against everything his parents have ever said about him, he still has this ingrained sense of worthlessness. The way he says he "doesn't care about permanent damage" and tells Sophie that he's going to make sure he's always the one who ends up wrapped up in bandages and also has that moment in Unlocked where he wants to retreat into the darkness and never wake up? Look, we all know he needs therapy, but maybe reread that last sentence. ...Keep reading it until you get it.

And finally, what makes him finally learn to be cautious? Because he sees firsthand how his reckless plans are impacting the lives of other people around him, and if there's any negative trait that Keefe is NOT, it's selfish. Keefe may be occasionally selfish—you know, case by case basis, like most people—but it isn't a character trait of his by any means. He struggles significantly more with not caring about himself than he struggles with not caring about others. So when he realizes it isn't only his own life he's putting on the line, and sees the way it's hurting his friends, he takes an enormous step back, and even runs away for a time. Now, it would be great if he would start caring about himself too, because this poor guy needs therapy and his level of self-deprecation at this point is way out of control. But it is the case that he cares about his friends a lot (if someone quotes this part and brings up Fitz, I'm going to point out that their friendship has fallen way out due to actions and reactions on both sides of that relationship) and ultimately it ends up adjusting the balance in his character traits and their related strengths and flaws.

In short, Keefe is a lot of things. He's good things, he's bad things, he's consistent things. He reads like a real person—someone who frequently makes the same style of mistakes but does learn and grow over the course of his life. Every character trait of him stems from some aspect of his past. Shannon didn't write him with a slew of random personality traits—each and every one of them ties down to who he is and how he's shaped by his experiences. He can be a truly amazing friend. He can be a really horrible friend. He can be sweet and amazing and say the perfect thing. He can say the wrong-est possible thing with the intention of cutting the other person deep. He's a slow learner, but he learns nonetheless. His character development isn't a smooth arc in which he has trait A, event B happens and at the end he has trait C. That's common in storytelling, but not real life. Keefe learns, grows, then makes the same mistake again, then learns stronger. His character development sees both growth and setbacks, and the changes are subtle. He's still the same person even when he changes.

He's good things, he's bad things, he's consistent things, and I think it is out of an awareness of our own humanity that so many people relate to him and therefore enjoy his character.

I hope you enjoyed this essay, anon. Believe it or not, I actually have plenty more to say about any of these topics, and some other topics that I didn't even bring up, so if you want to see even more, just direct me towards what you want to hear and I assure you I'll have thoughts. Have a wonderful day!

[eds6ngel]

✎ when i kissed the teacher | part two

summary: with the christmas fayre coming up, alena offers for steve to help run your stall with you. but, how will alone time between the two of you affect your ever-growing feelings for one another?

if you aren’t caught up on the story, read part one here!

warnings: dad!steve. singledad!steve. 90s!au. fem!reader. swearing. mutual pining. slow burn. fluff. angst. robin being a matchmaker. slight age gap [r is 24, steve is 29]. r has a breakdown towards the end. more warnings in future chapters! [4.2k].

Can a teacher date a student’s parent?

Can a teacher and a parent be romantically involved?

Is it okay to have a crush on a student’s parent?

Hours upon hours spent searching the highs and lows of Yahoo! just to be met with the same answers.

Wouldn’t encourage.

Not advised.

No.

“What are you still doing up? You have kids to teach from 8am tomorrow,” your roommate Amy says, you peering at the clock on the wall, it reading 11:47PM.

You groan and bury your face in your hands, letting the inevitable frustration take over your soul, “I thought this new search engine was meant to be reliable? It keeps giving me the same damn answers.”

The sound of running water floods your senses, Amy taking on the task to tackle the growing pile of dishes you’d left rotting in the sink from your evening meal. “I mean, does that mean it’s unreliable? Or is it just not giving you the answer you desire?”

You slam your laptop lid shut, resting your head on top of the heavy, black outer, buzzing your lips, “Maybe, I’m not right about everything.”

“No one’s right about everything honey, that’s just life. You’re letting the self-doubt flood your mind again,” she reminds you, your mind racing about the situation at hand.

You lean back in your chair, Amy coming over and massaging your shoulders, “I think it’s time for you to get some sleep. Take your mind off of things.”

You let out a deep breath, one you weren’t even aware you were holding in, “Yeah, probably for the best.”

You leave your laptop on the kitchen table, raising from your seat and dragging yourself to your bedroom. Throwing on your pyjamas, you head to the bathroom to complete your nightly skincare routine. However, the silence of the small apartment made your thoughts worse. You couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way, had these same exact questions. Although, there was nothing for him to worry about. He didn’t have the price of his whole entire job at stake.

By your own research, you also stumbled across articles of “breaching confidentiality,” which made sense to you. If you became a mother figure for one of your students, it would destroy the power dynamic. And with not many teaching roles available around the area, you couldn’t lose your one opportunity. An opportunity that you actually enjoyed.

You flop onto your bed, snuggle yourself underneath the silken sheets and try to let your mind wander into a weird dream that could never be explained. You needed a break before seeing his face again tomorrow.

The next two months felt like torture. Seeing his beautiful face, those gorgeous brown curls every morning and afternoon just made your crush on him intensify. And not only that, but Alena was improving in Math. He listened to you. Not only was he an extremely attractive guy, but he was also an amazing dad. The most deadliest combination of them all.

And you would also be lying if you said if you didn’t spend at least a few times a week scouring the internet for the answer you wanted to your question. However, with every new response, it just directed you further away from your desired answer.

“Thank you for being such wonderful, respectful and kind students today! I’m proud of each and every one of you,” you say, a smile plastered on your face. “Now, as you all know, the Christmas Fayre is coming up next week! You have all been working so hard on forming your chocolate boxes. But, I will need a volunteer to help me run our stall, and that volunteer I was hoping for would be in the form of one of your guys’ parents! So, if you could be so kind as to ask them—”

However, your request is cut short by Alena���s hand shooting up in the air, her practically bouncing in her crossed-legged position, “Yes, Alena?”

“My daddy will help!” she beams.

If there was anyone you hoped wouldn’t offer, it would be her. But, how could you deny? She was a six-year-old kid, you couldn’t just tell her no because you couldn’t cope around her father who you also so happened to have a crush on.

“That’s very nice of you to offer Alena, but wouldn’t it be wise to ask your daddy first just to see whether he can make it?”

“Oh, I know he’s free!” she says straightforwardly, “He finishes work at 1 on a Friday, all he does for the afternoon is sit at home!”

“Okay,” you breathe out, clapping your hands together, “Stev— Alena’s daddy it is! Don’t worry the rest of you, it’s all sorted now! Now, who wants to go home?”

A chorus of “Me!” can be heard from the voices of the children sitting on the rug, you walking over to the window to check what parents had arrived, and sure enough, Steve was standing there patiently waiting. You can’t help but give him a small smile as he looks at you, waving his hand.

God, stop acting like a teenage girl.

You look down and compose yourself, calling over to Alena and Harry, his mom also there ready to collect him. Alena bumbles over to you, giggling away at nothing as she cheesily grins. “Okay honey, off you go. Have a great weekend!”

Steve is smiling as his daughter runs up to him, causing him to slightly stumble back as she races into his legs and hugs them tightly, “Good afternoon to you too Missus! How was your day?” he asks, grabbing her hand and leading her out to the school parking lot.

“Sooo good!” she jumps, “I got all my math problems right!”

“That’s great pumpkin! That extra homework really helped out, didn’t it? Miss. L/N is a genius!” he beams to his daughter, trying to hide the fact that he was just complimenting your intellect as a human being, rather than just in your profession.

“Uh huh! And then me and Timmy played Hopscotch and I won, of course,” she says sassily, putting her hand to her chest, making Steve laugh. He was proud she inherited his confidence in a positive way, he couldn’t bear to see his own family turn out the way he did in his schooling career.

“Oh, did you? Was Timmy just not up to your level? Doesn’t have that Harrington magic?”

“Nope!” she shouts, popping the ‘P,’ “And then I got ten out of ten in my spelling bee! And we got to do lots of drawing as it’s Friday and Miss. L/N lets us have lots of fun on a Friday!”

“Sounds like you had a very busy day then!” Steve says, lifting her into the front seat and putting her seatbelt on for her. Alena waits to answer, kicking her feet in her seat as Steve situates himself in the driver’s side.

“Yeah! And then at the end of the day, Miss. L/N talked about the Christmas Fayre and I said you could help her out!”

Steve almost chokes on his own spit, spluttering out, “You said that I could help?”

“Yeah! You always talk about how lonely you are on a Friday without me, so I thought you could help her out!”

“That’s very nice of you to offer sweet-cheeks, but I thought I was taking you around the Christmas Fayre next Friday? That way I wouldn’t be lonely without you!” Steve says, trying to find any way out of the inevitable trap his daughter had put him in. It’s not like she understood, how could he blame her?

“But Miss. L/N really needs help daddy. Pleaseeeee! Auntie Robin could take me instead and I would still see you.”

He knew she was right. But, he may have found his one-way ticket out of the task, “But, sweetie, Robin works until two on a Friday, remember? She may be too busy.” She better be fucking busy.

“Can you just ask her daddy? Pleaseeeee!” she drags out, Steve caving into his daughter’s cuteness.

“Okay, okay,” he sighs out, “But, just keep in mind she may say no, okay?”

“Oh, I’d be happy to take her,” Robin smiles, Steve hearing the smirk in her tone through the receiver.

“Robin, that was a rhetorical question, I want you to say no. For the love of God say no,” Steve begs, knowing his best friend was fully aware of his crush on you. The countless hours of him both down the phone and in person rambling away about how beautiful you were, Robin soon picking up on the cues, and then her teasing him relentlessly about it was still going strong.

“Oh, poor Stevie can’t handle spending some time alone with his daughter’s teacher,” she whines dramatically, Steve rolling his eyes.

“I know you think you’re being funny Robin, but that is the exact mess I am in. How am I meant to stand there and run a fucking Christmas stall with her when she is the most gorgeous woman in the world?”

“You just gotta be yourself,” she laughs, telling him her signature advice, knowing that it has never helped him in the past.

“Stop with that bullshit Robin, you and I both know that neither of us have ever followed it,” he admits with a shake of his head, “Look, can’t you just say that you and Vickie have a date or something?”

“We’ve been together for eight years, Steve. You think we still plan weekly date nights? We’re almost thirty, you know,” Robin reminds him, the idea of the couple scheduling time out for romanticism seeming utterly ridiculous.

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” he complains, ignoring the fact that he was one year away from hitting thirty, “Right, I’m gonna call in Lena, just make up some excuse please, okay? She’s six, she’ll believe literally anything.”

“Fine,” Robin agrees, “Your loss dude.”

After Steve shouts Alena’s name, she comes running in, feet pattering against the wooden floor, “Auntie Robin is on the phone, she has something to tell you,” Steve says, passing the phone down to her smaller height.

“Hello?”

“Hi Auntie Robin!”

“Yeah?”

“Really?”

“Thank you!”

“Okay, byeee!”

Steve notices Alena’s pitch get higher as each word was spoken, her attitude getting happier and happier. Robin had definitely told her the truth.

As Alena passes the phone back, Steve quietly thanks her as she patters back to her bedroom, him raising the phone back to his ear, “You told her you could take her, didn’t you?”

“Uh huh!” Robin cheerfully replies.

Steve shakes his head in annoyance, “I hate you.”

“I know.”

After you had gotten all the kids with their parents, it was time for you to tackle setting up the stall. As previously told, Robin had collected Alena and Steve should be arriving any minute. The school had already set up the tables for every class, so all you had to do was transport the chocolate boxes over to your designated table.

A faint knock can be heard on your classroom door as you spin around, Steve standing there sheepishly, waving to you.

You giggle to yourself, “You can come in, you know? We’re technically out of hours, you don’t need to stand around like a lost puppy.”

He puts his hands up in defense, making his way over to you, “Nothing wrong with some good old fashioned manners.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” you smile, “Thank you for coming by the way, Alena was persistent on you being the parent to help out.”

“If you think she was persistent here, you should’ve heard her in my car that afternoon: ‘Daddy please help out Miss. L/N, she really needs it,’” he says in a baby voice, upping his pitch to match the tone of his mini-me.

You laugh at his impression, “She’s a character, that’s for sure,” you reply, before explaining the situation, “Okay, so the kids made a bunch of chocolate boxes. I’m gonna sell them for $1.50 a box purely for the array of brands. My bank account is currently punishing me, but that’s okay.”

“Wait, you bought all the chocolate yourself?” Steve queries.

You sigh, “Yeah, but it’s no problem, really. It was a great way of combining learning with fun. As you can see, all the outside boxes are decorated differently, so it was good to factor in their knowledge of shapes along with some artsy work.”

“You know, if you asked the parents, I would’ve happily chipped in with a few bars of Hershey’s,” he honestly admits, copying you as you begin to pick up some of the chocolate boxes.

You shake your head, heading out of your classroom and down towards the main hall, “Honestly, it’s nothing. That’s the kind of thing you sacrifice for being a teacher. We’re underpaid as it is, our wages not factoring in this entire classroom decoration business, so $10 worth of chocolate bars wasn’t breaking the bank too much. Actual Christmas shopping is the real breaker,” you softly laugh.

There it was again: that kindness. You would do anything for those kids, anything to make them happy, to allow them to enjoy school. Even if it meant dipping into your own savings. That was admirable.

You arrive at your designated table, “Okay, so just line them up in a way that makes them easy to see. No need for any fancy order or anything,” you explain, “There’s thirty boxes altogether, so don’t spread them too far apart. The table is pretty small after all.”

“You got it,” he replies, laying out the items on the red cloth-covered table, as do you, before you both walk back to the classroom and repeat your actions.

Once you have completed your task, you take a seat on the chairs that the staff had so kindly laid out for you beforehand. You breathe out, “Now time to relax.”

Steve checks the watch perched on his left wrist, “What time does this thing start again?”

“2:30,” you tell him, further adding, “I got lucky in the sense that I only had to lay out these boxes. I know other grades made snowmen and other decorations, or fourth grade did the classic antiques stall where they get the kids to bring in old or unused items from home. And then, of course, we have our lovely outside visitors who are doing the raffle, hook a duck, stuff like that. We also have to give the cafeteria staff enough time to prepare food since this is going on until 5pm. Oh, that reminds me, I bet Alena didn’t tell you how long this was on for!”

He smiles, thinking to himself how you cute you were when you rambled, “I think you forget it was on the flyer you gave out to the kids.”

You laugh in an embarrassed manner, hiding your face behind your hands, “Sorry. I genuinely forget that sometimes you are just a parent of one of my students. Like, as I’m talking to you right now, it just feels like I’m talking to a regular guy, you know?”

He softly chuckles, “I understand. I mean, I always feel like I’m just talking to a pretty girl instead of my daughter’s teacher.”

You become rendered speechless. Did he just say what you thought he said?

“You… You think I’m pretty?” you tenderly question, making sure you weren’t living inside of your own fantasy world.

Steve fumbles over his words, “I, um…” before he shakes his head, “What the hell am I lying for? Uh, yes. Yes I do think you look… pretty.” He looks down at his lap, twiddling his own thumbs as he awaits the ultimate rejection. You can’t just say that stuff to her, no matter how much it’s true.

You blush at his compliment, internally thanking yourself that you weren’t imagining his feelings back, “Thank you… You look handsome too.”

She’s just saying it to be nice. She’s just saying it to be nice. She’s just saying it to be nice.

“Um… Thanks.”

But, now that it was reciprocated, you began burying yourself into a deeper hole: the questions. The questions answered no. You can’t date him. You could lose everything. You couldn’t lose your job over a stupid boy. A handsome boy. A nice boy. A kind, sweet… caring boy. Could you?

An hour into the event and half the chocolate boxes were already sold. You had been doing the same stall for the past two years, the idea coming to you your first year of teaching after talking to another teacher about Christmas gifts. But, it had never sold this fast. Although, you noticed by the body language of some parents that Steve’s charm and looks were playing a major part in the quick selling. But, he had charmed you, so who were you to judge?

You were out of earshot and attending to another customer as Robin and Alena approached the stall, Alena shouting, “Daddy!” Steve’s facing lighting up with delight.

“Hey pumpkin! How’s it been so far?”

She giggles and bounces in her spot, “Soooo good! Robin got me some candyfloss and I had a hot chocolate. But, I got too excited and burnt my mouth. But, it didn’t hurt too much and I drank the whole thing!”

“The sugars definitely had an effect on someone, hasn’t it?” he says, lifting his eyebrows at Robin, giving her an accusatory look.

She scoffs at him, “Give her a break, it’s Christmas. Plus, I think we have better things to be talking about,” she smirks, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He sighs, “She already called me handsome because my big ass mouth couldn’t shut up and told her that she looks pretty right to her face,” he mentally facepalms himself.

Robin grins at him, “Well, that’s perfect!”

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, are you kidding?” she asks, “She complimented you back after you complimented her. She literally reciprocated back. Girls don’t do that for no reason.”

“Robin, you don’t even like men.”

She looks at him dumbfounded, “Straights and lesbians aren’t that different, you dingus. We still react the same way when it comes to someone who likes us.”

“Whatever you say,” he replies, trying to ignore his best friend’s advice.

“I’m just saying, give it a shot,” she says, “At least if you get rejected, you can move on. I’ve had enough of you love-dumping about her down the phone.”

“Hey,” he points a finger at her, “This is payback for when you wouldn’t shut up about Vickie in your senior year.”

“And we’re still happily in love eight years later, so who’s the real loser here, Harrington?”

He rolls his eyes at her, Robin copying his action as you become free from the previous customer, tending to Alena.

Steve licks his lips as he thinks to himself: God, maybe Robin is right. What else has he got left to lose? A million girls rejected him during and after high school, that’s only another one to add to the never-ending list, right?

The event ended a little later than expected, a remaining two chocolate boxes left for you and Steve to carry back to your classroom, leaving the pot of money on the table for the staff to collect and count up.

“Thank you for helping out, you don’t understand how grateful I am. It’s much easier to sell products when there’s two people doing the convincing,” you say with a soft laugh to your tone.

He buzzes his lips and waves his hand, “It’s nothing, trust me. I would’ve been doing nothing all afternoon if I wasn’t here.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, “Alena told me that last Friday.”

“She did?” he asks with a smile, you nodding along, “The cheeky little shit.”

“Yeah, I was thinking that when she said it. Like, damn girl, really outing your father’s loneliness like that,” you laugh, “Kids are so brutally honest, I love it.”

“Yeah, Alena’s definitely a straightforward kid, that’s for sure.”

A delicate smile crosses your face as you lift up a chocolate box to him, “For you.”

He takes it out of your hands, questioning, “Are you sure? You don’t need them for anything else?”

You shake your head sadly, “No. All the school does with unsold items is keep them in storage until next year or throw them in the trash. So, for food like this, it’ll get put in the trash unfortunately.”

He sighs solemnly, “That’s kind of sad, if I’m being honest. Like, there’s kids crafts here. Why throw it away?”

“That’s what I’ve always said!” you quietly shout, your voice small enough to not disturb the silent atmosphere, yet loudly projecting to show your agreement, “Like, you only get so many memories of the children that pass through this school, why discard them as simply as that? It’s like they don’t appreciate the kids personalities and only see them as future employees.” You sigh whilst shaking your head, shoving the remaining chocolate box into your own bag, slinging it over your shoulder, “Anyway, I should get going home. I’m sure you wanna go and see Alena too.”

“Wait!” Steve yells, the word spilling out of his mouth before he has time to compose himself. Just you standing there, you looked so beautiful. Your eyes so soft as they look up at him, lips slightly parted as if you wanted to question him, yet you let him continue. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah…” you breathe out, “Anything.”

Steve shakes his hands, trying to jitter the nerves out of his body. It was now or never.

“God… This is gonna sound so forward, and I’m sorry, but… Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

It was like a knife to the chest, you letting out a shaky breath as you clutched the binder and notebook in your arms, looking down at the floor as you swallowed. You really wanted to say yes. God, it was like a fire burning within you to say yes. But, you had to make a choice. This job was forever, who knew the long-term circumstances of the potential relationship? Was it really worth it to put your hard-earned degree in the background to focus on a love that might not even last?

And it’s not that you didn’t trust it to last, you had a feeling deep inside you that told you that he was the right person. But, there’s always the saying: Right person, wrong time.

“Steve, I… I can’t, I’m sorry,” you reply, trying not to let the tears fall as you explain your reasoning, “It’s not you, I promise it’s not, it’s just… confidentiality, you know? Because of Alena, if we became a couple, I could get accused of a lot of shit, potentially even lose my job. And I’ve worked a long time to get here, and I can’t be throwing it away for a relationship. I’m really sorry, but… Yeah, that’s why.”

You look up at him, his face telling that he was heartbroken, him wanting so desperately for the answer to be yes. He knew it, you were just being polite.

“Yeah, I get it,” he mumbles out, convinced that your reasoning was a cover up for your lack of attraction, “I get it…”

“Again, I’m sorr—”

He cuts you off, “It’s fine…”

You sigh out, “Well… I have to head home, it’s getting late,” you say, him nodding along, still not making any eye contact with you, “Have a good Christmas, Steve.”

“Yeah… You too,” he replies, you turning your back and heading out of your classroom, not returning for another two weeks.

You stormed out to the parking lot, the night sky covering over, the stars twinkling away as you throw your bag into the passenger seat. You slam your door shut, breathing out, the tears now falling down your cheeks as you hit your steering wheel forcefully, screaming out, “Stupid fucking bullshit rules!”

You pull your car out of park, reversing and steering out of the lot. You try to drive as carefully as you can, the rush of anger coursing through your blood making it extremely difficult to stick to the road safety rules you were taught at sixteen.

After arriving home five minutes earlier than normal, your bad energy keeping you slightly above the required speed limit, you unlock the front door to your apartment, Amy not expected to return home for another two hours.

You throw your keys and bag on the kitchen counter, grabbing your laptop and speeding to your room. You open up the lid and once again type in, ‘Can a teacher date a student’s parent?’

“Come on… Come on… Please, please!” you yell, your body shaking as you frantically search the web for the answer you so desperately require. There had to be some way around this. You couldn’t let this slip through your fingers.

Wouldn’t advise.

Strong discourage.

Do not do this.

Definitely no.

You scream as you throw your laptop away from you, crying out, “Just give me the fucking answer!”

But, that was the issue. That was the answer. No amount of wishful thinking would change that. You couldn’t date Steve Harrington.

everything got a little bit angsty towards the end, but that's what makes a good fic, right?

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 comment if you want to be added!!

→ next chapter.

[corroded-hellfire]

Prompt Day 18: Freak

Word Count: 687

Rating: T

Pairing: None

CW: Language

Summary: Why is it that no one knows his name?

@corrodedcoffinfest

Freak.

If he didn’t know the jocks and meatheads called all the guys in the Hellfire Club that, he’d think it was his actual name around school. He heard it far more often than his own name. Did he actually hear his name at all around Hawkins High?

“Mr. Dawson, eyes on your own test.”

That kind of counts as his name, right? Even if it’s only his last name. His brain skims through the memories of the past few weeks and he can’t recall a teacher addressing him beyond that. They knew his name…right?

It’s sure as hell obvious that none of the students do. 

“Hey, uh…”

He knows that vacant look far too well. A look that realizes halfway through the sentence you don’t even know the name of who you’re talking to. 

“You, um…”

“Larry, we’ve been lab partners since the beginning of the year.”

“N-No, no, I know. I know your name. It’s…Grant. You’re Grant.”

No, he is not Grant. 

Why don’t the other Hellfire guys seem to have this problem?

Almost anyone walking these halls, student or staff alike, knows the name “Eddie Munson.” He’s the Hellfire guy, the guitar player, the guy to go to for drugs, the guy who gives improvised grandiose speeches while strutting down the lunch table like it’s a runway. Selling that good shit will get you far with a lot of the dopes around here. For some, the name brings a smile to their face. For most, it earns an eye roll. But at least there’s a reaction to it. 

“Eddie Munson, get down from my desk this instant!”

Gareth is only a junior but it’s not uncommon to hear his name shouted down the hallway in between classes—and not just by his sisters. His older sister is a senior and his younger a freshman, and tons of people in both those years know Gareth’s name. Popularity by proxy of sister isn’t popularity, but when said sisters have their many friends come over to the house, they get to know the brother that many of them weren’t aware existed. Opens a whole new set of doors.

“Gareth! Hey! What was that video game you were telling me about at your house last week?”

It’s impossible to be in the same classroom as Jeff without hearing his name. Teachers dote on him incessantly. He’s their prized pet, always turning homework in on time and always knowing the right answers. He’s not a kiss ass by any means, he just makes the grades and has the charm that draws adults in. That trickles down to the student population, so many of them wanting to know if Jeff will help tutor them or if he understood the homework assignment. He may not have time to be a tutor between Hellfire and Corroded Coffin, but there’s a high chance that he understood the homework.

“Jeff, will you come up to the board and show everyone how to solve this equation?”

Then there’s that fourth member of Corroded Coffin. He plays the bass, right? Yeah, that one. No, he isn’t a loudmouth. No, he doesn’t have popular sisters. No, he isn’t a straight A student. 

But he is important. Luckily, he has friends that remind him of that on a daily basis.

“Hey, Frank!” Eddie calls down the hallway as the guys make their way towards him.

“Dude, look at this leather jacket we found! It was at the thrift store when my sisters dragged me and Jeff there,” Gareth says, brandishing the item.

“It’s your exact size!” Jeff adds. “I remember from when we got our Hellfire shirts.”

Frank grins as Gareth hands the jacket over.

“Holy shit, this thing is so cool.”

“Put it on,” Eddie urges.

Jeff takes the textbook Frank is holding so he can slip into it.

“It looks good on you,” Gareth says, nodding his approval. 

Frank looks around at the three guys in front of him. They’re all genuinely happy as they look at him in his new jacket. He may not be known by everyone, but he’s known by the right people.

[muffinlance]

Hello Dragons Here: Gaang Meeting Outtakes

Alternates to part four. Or read part one here.

Take 2: Hallway Meet & Greet

So they tried his office, but that was empty too, and there was only so long they could wander the palace before they were caught.

“I think it’s tactical retreat time,” Sokka whispered, as they huddled in an empty corner of the halls. “As long as they don’t know we were here, we can try again another night. We’ll just park Appa up in the mountains and… dragon?”

“What?” asked Katara.

“Baby dragon,” Sokka said, pointing down. The ferret-cat sized dragon blinked up at him, its snakey tongue flickering from its mouth. Aang resisted the urge to squeal.

“Please come back,” came a very tired voice, right before a teenager who walked really quietly rounded the corner and straight into them. Kind of literally. Sokka reached out to steady him, as he wobbled post-impact. And then they had a Fire Nation servant that they really couldn’t let leave blinking at them.

“...You’re very short assassins,” said the teenager. Whose long hair was partially tied up in a frazzled bun, but mostly down his back. And whose sleep robe was really rumpled. And who was blinking at them through a pair of glasses that were almost an exact match for the ones in fashion at King Kuei’s court, like he’d gotten them from the same artisan. And also there were some ink stains on his face, like maybe he’d fallen asleep on some still-drying documents. So… maybe a scribe? The stains were on the scared side of his face, which was where the Fire Lord was supposed to have one, but his was smaller on his face than the portraits Ozai had commissioned, especially with the way the hair fell over it. And Aang also knew from Ozai how much the Fire Lord liked sharing his facial scars with the people around him.

“We’re, ah. New hires?” Sokka said.

“I,” the teenager said, “am not dealing with this. I am taking Druk back to the hatchery, and then I’m finishing my work, and then I’m going to bed. If you’re assassins, make an appointment.”

“Is that… something assassins usually do?” Aang asked.

“They should,” the teenager said.

Take 1: In a Happier World

Did I write an entire prompt reply only to scrap it and replace it with Sifu Ozai? Yes. Yes I did. The original:

Aang is escorted between bending teachers, kept away from exploring. Kept away from the Fire Nation, and most of the coastlines of the Earth Kingdom, which are called the colonies now. 

The first thing he was told, when he woke up, was There was a war. It lasted for ninety-eight years.

The second thing was, It’s over now.

No one tells him, but by the time he’s studying earthbending, he knows the third: It’s over because the Fire Lord said so. 

“But… it’s good he ended it, right?” Aang asks that night, in the safety of his room with Sokka and Katara, who started as his escorts from the Southern Tribe but ended up as friends. He thinks they’re friends. 

“It’s good he’s not marching new armies into places,” Sokka says, staring up at the ceiling. “Less good, that he hasn’t marched the old armies back out.”

“If he’d ended it a year earlier, our mother would be alive,” says Katara, her face to the wall. 

Fire Lord Zuko celebrated his sixteenth birthday just before the winter solstice, when Aang was still in the south pole. The Avatar was sent a formal invitation to attend. But Aang had… he’d been awake for only a few weeks. All he’d wanted to do was go home. He’d tried, and—

And going into the Avatar state had apparently alerted sages the world over to his existence. So. That was great. The Fire Lord’s hawk carried another message, as unsaid as so many other things: I know exactly where you are, Avatar.

Chief Hakoda politely declined on his behalf. 

He trained under the same master as Katara; one of the women who’d come south, when the blockades between the poles had been lifted. He wasn’t a natural healer like the Chief’s daughter, but it… it was good, healing. Healing was what he needed. Waterbending had a fighting branch, too, and he could go to the north pole if he wanted to learn it, but they’d already turned Katara away and. And he didn’t see what learning how to drown someone, or cut them with ice, would help. They sent an offer, to send one of their best masters south.

Gran-Gran declined on his behalf. He didn’t read what she’d written, so he could pretend it was polite. 

The Earth Kingdom was… it was fracturing. Ba Sing Se had been the cultural and political center in Aang’s time, and it was still supposed to be a great city, but it was great because it had expanded its walls to ring in enough farmland for itself and then… sort of ignored what was going on outside them, for the next few decades. The generals living there still plotted tactics, still lead the armies, but the nobility lived like there wasn’t even a war. And then the news came out that the Earth King really hadn’t known about the war, and. 

Aang was in Gaoling when the news hit. The Beifong family had invited him to stay during his travels, and Sokka had a firm always-accept-free-stuff-from-rich-people policy, so. So he got to look out over their estate walls as people rioted. When he finally made it to Omashu, Bumi took one look at the girl who’d kidnapped herself into his saddle and snorkel-snorted. And then they’d had an arm-wrestling contest over who got to teach him. Toph cheated, but so did Bumi, so it was fair? 

“Two cheats make a right,” Sifu Toph told him.

“No they don’t,” said Katara.

Toph declared him a passable earthbender. Within the week, another hawk from the Fire Lord arrived: an invitation to be tutored by Crown Princess Azula herself.

I know exactly how much you’ve learned, the letter didn’t say. It didn’t have to.

“So,” said Toph, “we’re coming with to see how creepy this guy is in person, right?���

Aang was so, so glad for his friends. 

And now they were in a suite of rooms in the palace, graciously being allowed the night to recover from their travels, before their meeting with the Fire Lord and his heir in the morning. 

“On the bright side,” said Sokka, which was never a phrase that ended well from him, “if he wanted to assassinate you, he’s known where you are for months.”

“Thanks, Sokka,” Aang said. And went for a walk, in the palace halls, because… Because.

Because he was the Avatar. And no one was saying it outright, but every time they said The war is over what they meant was Because the Fire Lord forced the terms. Because he offered to stop killing our people if we signed. Because he has dragons, dragons big enough to scorch armies to ashes without ever getting in range of benders or archers, and no one can fight against that.

No one but the Avatar. Master of all four elements, if he did what every nation in the world had done, and accepted the Fire Lord’s generous offer.

“He’s not even offering to teach you himself,” Sokka had snorted, when he’d first read the letter. “What, is he too busy counting his war spoils?”

The halls were quiet. Aang was looking for one of those courtyard gardens they’d seen from the air, but what he found instead was—

“No, come back, why can’t you stay in the hatchery—”

A very frazzled young man, and a very noodly baby dragon, who both slid around a corner with the same scrabbling-over-polished-floors grace and crashed right into him. 

“Umm,” said Aang. “Oww?”

“Catch him,” ordered the young man, as the dragon wormed its way between them and bolted again. 

And then Aang was on a baby dragon chase which was... probably exactly what he needed. At least, he was out of breath and laughing by the end of it, and his new friend was grumpily down an outer robe, which had been sacrificed to the cause of bundling the baby into a sort of squirmy burrito-pretzel. Also it kept trying to light the robe on fire with its dragonbreath, and the teenager kept blowing his own sparks which somehow swirled with the fire and put it out, and Aang absolutely had to know—

“Can you teach me to do that?”

“Uh,” said the teenager, leaning back from Aang’s face, which was maybe a little closer to his own than most people found comfortable. But they were dragon buddies, like he and Kuzon had been, so it was totally justified. “I’m, uh. Not really that good? I barely have any time to practice real forms, the dragons just have me play games and creatively roast their meat—”

“But you’re breathing rainbows.”

“...Please don’t say it like that in front of my sister.”

“I won’t,” Aang said, smile broadening, “if you teach me. And come meet my friends!”

The teenager didn’t say no, and Aang recognized this hallway, so he hooked their arms together and dragged him off. 

“Guys!” Aang said, sliding open their door. “I met the palace dragonsitter!”

“...Please don’t say that in front of my sister, either,” the teenager sighed. 

“That’s nice, Aang,” said Sokka. “Hello, dragonsitter. How does it feel, to be kidnapped?”

“Familiar,” said the teenager, in a kind of worrying deadpan. “I really need to get Druk back to the hatchery. I’ll… see you tomorrow?”

“Nuh-uh,” said Toph. “This is my first team kidnapping. No leaving until we get a ransom.”

“...I can order snacks?” offered the teen.

“We’re keeping you,” Toph said. “Now get us more of those fire flakes. Snozzles keeps trying not to cry while eating them, it’s hilarious.”

“It is not my fault they are both delicious and trying to kill me,” Sokka said. 

“...I’ll send tea, too,” the teenager said. “But, uh. I really should… not be here?”

“Relax,” Sokka said, slinging an arm over his shoulders. “It’s not like we’re going to snitch on you to the Fire Lord.”

The dragonsitter mumbled something Aang couldn’t quite catch, but it sounded a lot like I can see the family resemblance. But he got a passing servant to send for their snacks, and he let the little dragon down for some supervised exploration that ended in all of Sokka’s emergency seal jerky being gulped down its throat as it ran circles around the room, and the teenager finally sat down and leaned back and laughed, which Aang wasn’t sure was a thing he did a lot of. 

And then he met them the next morning, in formal robes, on his throne.

“...Hello, Sifu Rainbows!” Aang said, and the girl next to His Majesty cackled.

#Azula: This is the best casual roasting

#since you came back home to father

#Zuko: can you please not use that comparison every time

#Azula: absolutely not <3

#All Adults: terrified of the Fire Lord

#Team Avatar: terrorizing the Fire Lord

#and then they broke it to him that people had signed his peace treaties under pain of dragon eating

#Zuko: THEY DON’T EVEN EAT PEOPLE

#Sokka: thank you for that information Fire Lord Dragonsitter

(Read more prompts || Longer ATLA fics || Original works)