#over a thing that is incapable of seducing her girlfriend

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

thank u @ckducky for drawing funny art of charlie's silly spear jealously and making THIS mental image pop into my head XD

Vaggie: "Thanks for doing this for us again, Ms. Rosie."

Rosie: "Oh my dear you know I'm just TICKLED PINK to help!"

Vaggie: "Well we really need it."

Charlie: "No we don't. I'm acting completely normally for this situation. I am being Totally Rational."

Vaggie: "Sweetie-

Charlie: "TOTALLY. RATIONAL."

Vaggie: "Charlie, you promised you'd be open minded about this...."

Charlie: "I am open! I just also know Rosie is going to AGREE with me on this!!"

Rosie: "Ohoho I suppose we'll see about that, won't we~?"

Rosie: "Now, why don't we put that spear away, hmm? And then the three of us can settling in for a nice long chat while you tell auntie Rosie all abut it!"

Vaggie: "Uh, actually. The spear has to stay."

Rosie: "Oh?"

Vaggie: "I'm kinda just dropping it off?"

Charlie: "Dropping IT off? Oh thanks Vaggie for coming alllllll this way- for the SPEAR."

Vaggie: "Them. I'm dropping THEM off."

Rosie: "... I'm afraid I don't quite follow? You came here for relationship advice, yes?"

Vaggie: "Right. Charlie's having relationships issues."

Charlie: "IT'S NOT AN ISSUE."

Rosie: "You mean, you and Charlie are having issues?"

Charlie: "THIS IS A NORMAL LEVEL OF FRUSTRATION!"

Vaggie: "No."

Charlie: "I'VE BEEN DEALING THIS THIS FOR Y E A R S AND HONESTLY I THINK I DESERVE A MEDAL FOR IT AT THIS POINT!!"

Rosie: "Charlie and... the spear?"

Charlie: "THAT BITCH!"

Vaggie: "Yeah."

Rosie: "I feel as though I understand even less. Isn't your spear-"

Vaggie: "Inanimate, yeah."

Charlie: "Oh don't let it fool you. It knows EXACTLY what it's doing-"

Charlie: "-SEE? SEE!! Look at it GLEAMING all SMUG in the sunlight, all nice and cozy where Vaggie so very CAREFULLY snuggled it into it's own chair-"

Vaggie: "Anyway thanks again Rosie for helping I gotta get back to the hotel."

Rosie: "I.... darling, I'm not sure this quite my...."

Vaggie: (ignores her) "I'll pick th- I'll pick CHARLIE up in an hour."

Rosie: "Wait-"

Vaggie: (smooching charlie's cheek) "Try to talk things out a bit, okay?"

Charlie: "Hmph! There's nothing TO talk about!"

Vaggie: "Okay. But venting to smeone might make you feel better?"

Charlie: "...maybe."

Vaggie: "Good. That's all I care about."

Charlie: (melting) "Yeah?"

Vaggie: "Yep~"

Charlie: "All you care about huh..." (sulking) "What about the spear."

Vaggie: "Literally just a spear, babe." (smooches her again) "Have fun with this, Rosie!"

Vaggie: (leaves)

Rosie: "......"

Charlie: "......"

The spear: (is a spear)

Rosie: "....right then! For this I think, tea will NOT be precisely what we need!" (pulls out a bottle) "One shot, or two?"

Charlie: "Did you know she RUBS that thing with OIL every night?"

Roise: (smiling and nodding) "Five shots it is then~"

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Alpha Jungkook x Omega Oc!

Genre : Angst , Hurt/ Comfort.

    Chapter 1  ⋆  Chapter 2  ⋆  Chapter 3     Chapter 4  ⋆  Chapter 5   ⋆   

    Chapter 6   Chapter 7     Chapter 8

Summary : Nine months after her marriage ends, Kim Heejin is a reclusive artist, who works out of a renovated warehouse in Busan, her days and nights spent with canvas and paint. Its exactly what she’s ever wanted, to be left alone. And yet, that nagging feeling of incompletion keeps her on her toes. And perhaps, it is that longing for something substantial, something real that pushes her to give her flawed but lovable ex-husband another chance.

Chapter 9

 “I… No. Just… please tell him I’ll be down…I’ll come down to the lobby to meet him.” I said quickly, panicking at the idea of having him here. I’d barely been here a day but this was still my space. And if I had him here then his scent would just seep into every nook and corner. 

The room would smell like him then… And what would I do after he left?

God, what was I even thinking? Head swimming, I crawled to the edge of the bed and breathed shakily. 

It felt surreal, climbing out of the bed and moving to the vanity . I stared at myself in the mirror as I grabbed the makeup bag I kept with me all the time. Wide eyes and parted lips, creamy gold skin turning lily white because of how the blood had just drained after that phone call. 

I looked petrified .

Jungkook… I thought numbly. Jungkook’s waiting downstairs and I’m going to see him. 

What is he thinking.... What is he feeling... why is he even here? 

You’re not responsible for his emotions, Taehyung’s soothing voice in my head helped a bit but not a whole lot. What about my emotions, I though desperately, grabbing the tube of gloss and slowly uncapping it. I ran the end of it over my lips and felt my fingers tremble because I didn’t know why I felt this need …to look beautiful.

I didn’t need to, I though miserably. Everyone knew omegas were beautiful. Beta supermodels were beautiful yes but they couldn’t hold a candle to me, at least for someone like  Jungkook. He was an alpha, his brain was built to find me attractive. I had evolutionary genetics on my side, which mean that if I ever actually wanted to seduce Jungkook , he wouldn’t really stand a chance .

But I didn’t want that.

I had had enough of that. Enough of seeing handsome, rich alphas being reluctantly attracted to me. They made it obvious too. Most of the hate mail I got stemmed from angry wives or girlfriends accusing me of seducing their men , even though  I’d never so much as laid my eyes on them. It was so unfair. 

I didn’t enjoy watching them lose their minds at the sight and scent of me, because i knew that deep down,  they thought that all omegas were scum. 

Manipulative, sex driven , greedy and selfish . Those were the labels I got plastered with , on the media and on the streets. 

And Jungkook wasn’t different, I reminded myself firmly, pulling away from the mirror and grabbing the loose powder and dusting down some of it on the apple of my cheeks and down the length of my nose. 

He didn’t think any different than the others. Jungkook’s views on omegas were just as archaic and bigoted as everyone else’s .

He just didn’t act on them .

Sighing, I dropped the lipgloss back in the back and brushed my hair off my face. On a whim , I pulled off the hair tie holding the thick strands together, letting the wavy tresses fall over my shoulder. I hadn’t cut my hair in a long time and it felt to my hips now. My stylist was adamant that it added to my aesthetic.

  A primal siren, she had said staring at me in awe, like something eternal and beautifully dangerous. We’re lucky you seem incapable of hate, Heejin ...because I think you could bring grown men to their knees with that body and that face. 

I felt nauseous at the thought of it.   

Walking to the elevator felt like walking the plank and I had stop a couple of times, just to breathe deeply. I had to be smart about this. I was in therapy. Taehyung had taught me how to handle situations like this and while my heart was pounding too hard and my brain was too scrambled to use any of his therapy techniques, I still had some of my cognitive abilities intact. 

He came here, i thought desperately. 

He came looking for you and that means he isn’t nervous or worried or overthinking this because he doesn’t have feelings for you. If you want to come out of this  unscathed, you need to get your head on straight. You need to pretend that you didn’t just have a minor mental breakdown at the thought of him dating someone else. 

I took a deep breath, exhaling sharply before stepping into the elevator. The ride down to the lobby was barely a few seconds and when I stepped out, I realized the place was way too crowded for such an exclusive Hotel. And then I remembered that people were here for the Art Festival. I glanced at the reception desk, covertly, noting a conspicuous lack of Jeon Jungkook. The lady behind the desk held her hand up when she spotted me .

“Ms. Kim? Mr. Jeon just went to get you a drink...He’s over by the breakfast counter over there.” She pointed out the dining space where people were walking about getting breakfast and I swallowed, feeling hot and cold as I cautiously stepped into the crowd, trying to find a that familiar head of thick dark hair. 

I felt the apprehension build as I tugged on my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to reign in the chaos in my mind but it was impossible, everything too loud and too messy. I looked around and then, it hit me. 

His scent. 

I felt my lips part in surprise, and it felt like someone had turned the volume down , noises fading into a dull hum at the back of my mind as I stared at him. He hadn’t spotted me yet and I took a second to just....look.

He looked incredible.

There was really no other word for it. Incredibly handsome, Incredibly beautiful and so incredibly perfect as the late morning sun lit up the room, picking out the shine on his white silk shirt. I breathed in deep, my mindeasily picking out the musky pine scent of him and I stepped closer, moving straight towards him and I caught the exact moment my scent his senses.

He jerked a bit, nostrils flaring and eyes going wide before he turned, lips parted and gaze a bit unfocused as he looked around.

When he caught sight of me, he just blinked. 

I smiled weakly, body going limp with relief because.... because this was Jungkook. Not some monster I had to run from. This was Jungkook....even at his worst he had been better than some of the other people I’d met in life. 

I looked down at the drink in his hand and smiled a bit as he made his way over. 

“ This isn’t the same as buying me a coffee.” I said shakily as he finally stepped upto me.

His eyes danced with warmth. 

“What makes you think I can afford one? Besides, aren’t you the hotshot artist? Shouldn’t you be the one buying me stuff?” He said softly. 

“Just saw you on the front cover of a magazine. We both know you’re far from destitute..” Even through the smile, I felt the tug of emotion as I stared at him, felt the difference in him like night and day, the light and joy and ...contentment that seemed to radiate off him .

He smiled and held the drink out to me gently.

“ Heejin-ah.” He whispered. 

And somehow it was the sound of his voice, wrapping around the syllables of my name that finally did it. 

I felt the tears brim over, my lips parting in choked laughter as I stepped close and wrapped both my arms around him, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. I felt him hold me, infinitely gentle and I exhaled sharply.

“I didn’t miss you,  at all.” I said shakily. He laughed lightly. 

“I missed you , too.” He stroked the back of my head gently and I sighed, fingers curling on the silk of his shirt. The fabric felt like liquid in my fingers and I played with it for a second, intensely aware that people were starting to stare. That this embrace had gone on for longer than social norms dictated but I couldn’t bring myself to care, letting my chin rest against his shoulder blades. 

And it was almost frightening.....how easy it was to pretend we weren’t broken at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She was so small when I last held her... I can’t believe she’s running around.” I said, awed, listening to Jungkook tell me about how Mina liked to climb everywhere. He laughed, shaking his head. 

"She’s growing bigger everyday. I can barely keep up.” Jungkook smiled, holding a hand out for me to step over the wooden slats that lined the tiny archway that led to the door to his building. I hesitated before lightly gripping his hand in mine, the gesture somehow feeling more intimate that it was. 

“You’re not staying at the Firenze?” I asked curiously, resisting the urge to reach for his hand again when he let go.

it was such a ridiculous thing but I’d never held hands with him. And It felt ridiculously nice, to slot my fingers with his, feel them in between mine. His palm against mine, calloused but somehow so comforting. 

 I’d forgotten how warm he was.

 Don’t. Don’t fall down this rabbit hole again, Heejin. We talked about this. He doesn’t think of you that way. He doesn’t. And neither should you. its unfair to him. He doesn’t deserve that. 

“No... As you can see my apartment is barely ten minutes away and Soeun has her exams so its easier for her to watch over Mina here at the apartment.

“Soeun?” I asked curiously.

“Park Soeun? She’s a University student who lives with me. She’s doing a correspondence course in fashion . So she’s home all the time and she helps out with Mina. And she speaks Italian so that’s a huge plus... ” He smiled. “ you’ll like her. She’s a good kid.” 

 Don’t make that face. Don’t fucking make that face, Heejin.

I struggled to keep my face straight , like I wasn’t feeling the weight of a dozen bricks at the base of my stomach. 

“A roommate...then..?” I asked quietly and he shrugged.

“Something like that. But mostly she helps take care of Mina when I’m out on an assignment.” He smiled and led me past two flight of stairs up to the studio apartment. 

I wrapped my arms around myself as he stopped in front of a wrought iron grill, gripping one end and sliding it open with ease. And then he rang the small bell n the side. I shuffled back and forth on my foot, heart racing. 

The door opened and I blinked because of how young the girl who opened the door was. A second later she was beaming, moving forward and wrapping both her arms around me.

“Unnie!” She squealed, hugging me so close that I almost choked. Completely thrown I could only gape at Jungkook who was laughing . 

“Oh, I forgot to mention..she’s a bit of a fan. “ He teased lightly and I smiled awkwardly, watching as she pulled back to stare at me, her gaze trained on my face unblinkingly. 

“Whoa...” She reached out and lightly touched my cheek with her forefinger making me jump. She flinched as well, flushing red.

“Shit..sorry...I just... I’ve never... I’ve never met an omega before.” She said softly. “ You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

I felt my heart pound, steeping back instinctively, an overwhelming urge to hide , anxiety pooling in my stomach as she continued to stare at me. I hated the attention and I wrapped my arms around myself. 

“Soeun, enough. Don’t make it weird.” Jungkook said sternly, voice hard and the girl immediately flushed, bowing apologetically. 

“Sorry...I.. sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable ... You’re pretty.” She said again before turning to Jungkook.

“I have to get some stuff for my exhibit, Jungkook oppa... Mina’s asleep. i’ll be staying over at Vince’s place for the night though. Is that okay?”

“Sure..have fun.” Jungkook smiled, “ Vince is her boyfriend.” He explained and Soeun nodded happily. 

“Italian men are absolutely amazing unnie...you should try some.” She winked and I laughed despite myself.

“I just might...” I said with a grin, watching as she walked over to slip on a pair of sneakers from the small shoe closet near the door. She waved enthusiastically all but bouncing away and I blinked at him , shaking my head.

“I feel a hundred years old right now.” I said softly, still stunned by the girl’s exorbitant energy. Jungkook laughed at that

“She definitely has that effect on people... Come on, I’ll show you around.” He held his hand out and I smiled , taking his fingers mine and letting him tug me further into the studio apartment. 

I looked around, taking in the full blown prints of Mina and Jungkook , caught in adorable poses in front of different tourist spots in Florence. I saw how much she looked like Jungkook now, and how openly affectionate they looked together, the love evident even in the still photos. 

And then my eyes fell on a familiar painting , my stomach lurching. 

“You... “ i turned to him in a rush and he was staring at me with a small smile.

“I had to bring that. It pretty much saved me, that painting.” He said casually, stepping close and running his fingers all over the print. 

“When you told me this is how Sooah saw me...” He traced the picture carefully before glancing at me,” it made me realize that Sooah didn’t just want a baby.....she wanted a baby with  me. She saw me as a father. As someone who could raise and nurture a tiny human  and that... that’s amazing isn’t it?” He sighed, staring at me.  

He looked beautiful, I thought with an ache deep inside me. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life and it seemed almost too good to be true. That he was here, at reach. So close. I wondered if this was it. This had to be a sign. A sign that we’d come full circle. That it was over. That we could finally break free from all that we’d been through, and look back at Jungkook’s past with fondness instead of pain.

And perhaps, just perhaps I could reach out and touch him with something more than just the love you have for a friend. . Perhaps I could reach out and touch him, without feeling guilt and foreboding.

I exhaled shakily stepping up and running my fingers over the canvas. It was nothing fancy... Just a painting a painting of Jungkook holding Mina up by her waist, high over his head, staring up into her face with all the love and adoration in the world, The child in the painting doesn’t look exactly like Mina, of course, but I’d had no idea , seeing as Sooah had commissioned the painting when she was pregnant. But Jungkook.... Jungkook looked exactly like he did now : Happy and at peace. 

“You’re alright, then?” I asked quietly , a wealth of meaning behind the words and he smiled , nodding gently. 

“I’m fine…” He whispered , “ And I’m so glad I can tell you that, like this. Thank you for coming , Heejin-ah . I know you owe me nothing but.. I wanted to show you that… it wasn’t all bad you know. What we went through… Something good did come out of it.” He whispered.

I choked out a sob.

“I lied.” I whispered. “ I did miss you. Even when I knew I shouldn’t.”

Jungkook’s gaze softened.

“I have a lot to be sorry for. But I don’t want to remind you of those things. I just want you to know that… I understand what you went through…those six months. I understand that it was difficult and painful and i… I’m grateful that you didn’t give up on me. And I’m grateful that you stayed in my life.  Because I know I didn’t deserve that.”

“You deserve to be loved Jungkook.” I said quietly. “ Its not wrong to move on. You deserve to… find happiness again.”

He stared at me, his gaze soft and gentle.

“I can almost believe it, when you say it that way.” He laughed. “ And… you know… I’m not sure if its love. But there’s someone I’ve been…. Well, I can sort of see myself with her. .” He grinned a little, smile boyish as he ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.

Wait… was he going to?....

“ I met her at Taehyung’s practice, a year ago. Her name is Lee Hyorin.” Jungkook looked at me, doe eyes shining with excitement.

And just like that the world ended.

Or so it felt.

It was like being dipped in icy cold water, the shock of it rendering me speechless, lips parted and breath catching in lungs.

Blood rushed through my ears, so fast that I felt lightheaded, my legs nearly giving out. White noise filled my skull, pain lancing sharp through my heart like a thousand paper cuts, and I couldn’t really breathe. It took a few seconds…. For my heart to catch up with what my mind had just processed. And when it finally did, the pain was so excruciating, I had to clench my fists, nails digging into the flesh of my palm to ground myself.

“She’s an alpha…and she lost her husband around the same time Sooah passed..” Jungkook gave me a soft smile. “ She’s actually a curator at one of the museums here. She’s the one who made all the arrangements for me to move here to Florence. ”

“Wow… That’s…” devastating,. “ That’s good news. Jungkook.. I.. How long…” My voice cracked, and I had to swallow. “ How long have you guys been dating?”

“About three months now. We’re taking it very slow, because we aren’t really ready. She has a son too. He’s three years old. Mina loves him so that’s a plus.” He laughed.

My lungs constricted, breathing difficult and my head swam because ….. what. Realization set in so quickly, I was left reeling. I was in love with this bastard, I thought miserably. So in love with him that it felt like he was shredding my heart into ribbons. Every word of his mouth felt like a sharp deep stab, straight through the center of my heart and the pulsing, beating organ was on the verge of giving out.

“She’s going to be there at the dinner tonight at the Festival. She’s one of the organizers by the way. She’s kind of the reason I got in, I think.” He laughed , looking abashed and what a load of bull that was. Jungkook was successful and well known. Superbly talented at his chosen field. She was lucky to have him.

How can she have him when I’m the one who fixed him? How is that fucking fair?

“She really understands the things I’ve been going through, the past few months and because we both still attend therapy with Taehyung, we’re able to talk about a lot of stuff. Stuff I can’t share with others…” Jungkook was saying and I tuned him out, not wanting to hear another word.

I swallowed, choking on bile. I could feel sweat gathering on my scalp, my skin clammy and damp , the air between us shifting into something poisonous and filled with so much dismay, it was a miracle he hadn’t picked up on it.

Couldn’t he sense how distressed I was? Couldn’t he see how his words were hurting? Couldn’t he fucking see that I couldn’t live without him? Why on earth couldn’t he see me the way he apparently saw every other woman on the damn planet…..

Because he’s a shitty Alpha, I thought miserably, willing myself not to burst into tears. He was a shitty excuse for an alpha back then and he’s the same now.

A low, distressed cry began somewhere behind him and he jumped.

“Oh, shit she’s up… come on, Heejin.” He said with a bright smile, turning around and rushing down a small hallway and I willed myself to breathe in deeply, reminding myself that this wasn’t the end of the world. I could get through this. Besides, it was Mina.

Beautiful, perfect Mina who had been there for me. She would see me and she would give me that sweet gummy smile of hers, does eyes twinkling and I would get through this. Because her smile was what was important. Her smile and her joy and her happiness.

The sobbing had slowed down to small hiccups and I stepped past the threshold cautiously, watching as Jungkook bent over the large crib, carefully lifting her out and into his arms. She looked breathtaking, an absolutely gorgeous little girl . I stared, mesmerized as I stepped closer. My arms ached, and my chest tightened. Lips wobbling, I exhaled sharply, moving to reach for her.

She turned to glance at me and just as my fingers brushed her cheek, she recoiled.

Hard.

A loud wail tore through her tiny body and I felt my eyes go wide. Her casual little cry had turned into a sobbing , loud wail and I could smell the distress in her , the fear and distrust as she curled away from me.  Jungkook looked stunned as well, instinctively drawing her close and embracing her, moving away from me because….

Because I was the reason, she was distressed.  

My skin went ice cold at the revelation and I stumbled back, stunned.

“I… I’m sorry.” I choked out, confused and disoriented. Jungkook looked stricken, gently rocking her back and forth and she clung to him, gripping his shirt and I bit my lips, moving further back and I glanced at him, my heart shattering.

“She’s …She’s still sleepy… She doesn’t do well with strangers…” He said softly, looking upset, “ Maybe you could…wait outside…”

Stranger…. Was that what I was?

“I… I’ll go. I’ll just go.” I turned on my heel, rushing out of the door and struggling to breathe in air, my heart clenching so hard I was sure I was going to pass out. I felt my knees give out when I reached the couch, dropping down and drawing my knees up , wrapping my arms around my legs . I didn’t know how long I sat there, fighting sobs and choking on air…and when I finally came to myself, the sobs from the room had died out.

“She’s fallen asleep again.” Jungkook’s voice cut through the silence and I couldn’t bring myself to look up. I felt him move closer, felt his scent hit me as he stepped right up to me, kneeling on the floor in front of me.

I looked up at him, lips wobbling as I took in his handsome face.  A face that was so deeply carved into my heart and my soul, I couldn’t imagine living without it. Without him. The tears came then, helpless and endless and so painful.

He pressed in closer, cupping my face in his palms, thumb brushing the tears that spilled over so relentlessly.

“Heejin…” He whispered and I let my fingers curl around his wrist as his thumb kept brushing the curve of my cheeks. I took a deep , shaky breath .

“She doesn’t remember me….  “ I whispered, “ She doesn’t recognize me at all…She hates me……” I choked out , despair filling every last crevice of my insides, gut twisting as I remembered how Mina had twisted away from me, how her scent had soured in distress at the sight of me, at the touch of my fingers.

 And I wondered if it was different with this other woman..Hyorin, wasn’t it? Did Mina climb into her arms with ease? Did she curl into her chest and sleep? The way she used to with me,  when she was a month old and missing the warmth of a mother.. ….

All those nights spent in that tiny nursery, lying on the cold unforgiving floor, watching the rise and fall of Mina’s chest through the dark room…telling myself it was worth it… it was worth being touched against my will, worth being treated like filth by a man driven mad with grief and anger….all because of this baby…this tiny little baby who had needed me….

And now…she didn’t even know who I was…..worse…she was repulsed by the very sight of me… I couldn’t cope.

“Look at me…” Jungkook rasped, voice raw and cracking. “she doesn’t hate you, Heejin… she just … you feel new to her… different…” 

I shook my head, unable to think about anything beyond the sheer devastation that filled me, the way his daughter had pulled away and run, had refused to come anywhere near me. I realized with lancing pain that I’d wanted to see her, way more than I’d wanted to see Jungkook .

Because she was the reason I’d hung on for so long in that marriage which had been the biggest fucking mistake of my life…. the only reason I’d stuck around . Mina …Having her in my arms, her scent against my face, that had been the only genuine happiness I’d experienced  in a marriage filled with sheer , unending misery. 

“I… she… Why doesn’t she remember? “ I breathed, sagging into his arms, tears soaking his shoulders and his palm ran up and down my back.

“Because she was a baby. Heejin…. I left when she was a baby…”

“Why did you?” I snapped. “ Did it hurt you so much? The thought of living under the same sky as me ? Why you did you go?” I demanded.

Jungkook pulled back, hands coming up to grip my shoulder, holding me at arms length.

“Look at me.” He whispered. “ I had to … You know I had to go….I was hurting you. I was… I was draining you of life. Destroying you… “

Jungkook’s words reminded me of who he was. Of who I was… Of who I was to him.

I choked out, sobbing.

“I hate you. You treated me like scum. Like a crutch….. Like some sort of tool to get better and you just left… you…”

You found someone better. You broke me down and now you’ve gone and found someone better….because I was never good enough for you… I was never someone you could love….

“I had to let you go. I had to end that relationship because it was tainted with so much grief and anger and selfishness and greed. I knew that anything I did afterwards would be tainted by my actions… I… I had to make amends, Heejin. And do you think for a second, that it wasn’t the hardest thing I ever did? That walking out on you wasn’t one of the most devastating things I’ve ever experienced? But I did it for us… for this…” 

I stared at him.

“And what is this?” I asked brokenly.

“This is me, being able to touch you like this.” Jungkook pressed a palm to my cheek, “ And not feeling guilt or sadness or grief or loss.  I did it so we could have this…this… This thing where I can look at you and hold you and see that you’re healing. That you’re doing better… That you’re living the life you want…. That you’re happy. This is me standing here , in front of you and smiling because I’m happy too. Happy that you’re here.  ” He exhaled, “ I’m happy that despite all the hurt we’ve been through for and because of each other, I can look at you now and tell you, honestly, that I’m glad to see you.” 

What a joke.. What a fucking joke.

I smiled shakily.

“Well… “ I said softly, my stomach churning because I was done. Done with him and mostly with myself. “ Isn’t that absolutely wonderful.”

His gaze softened and he smiled.

“I want us to be friends, Heejinah. Even though we don’t see or talk to each other, I think of you often. And when Mina’s old enough to understand , I’ll tell her all about you… I want you in our lives. You’re a friend. ”

I stared at him , feeling the words echo in my skull . It left an acrid taste on my senses, the way he put me into this neat little box, friend. So ….insignificant. Everyone had hundreds of friends. There was nothing even remotely special about being someone’s friend.

Friend just meant replaceable and forgettable. And just like Mina didn’t remember me…. Someday Jungkook wouldn’t either. The knowledge filled my veins spreading all over my body and leaving a fierce, heavy ache in my chest.

It was my fault, I thought despondently. My fault because I had been an idiot.

Jungkook was the sane one here , I thought miserably. These nine months, while I’d been dwelling on him and worrying for him…he had done the healthy thing , by moving on with someone he could actually envision a future with….

What had I done, these past nine months? Dreamt up a fantasy world where somehow we found our way back to each other and built a life together… It seemed so foolish now, in the light of Jungkook’s words and his confession….

Jungkook had done all of this, not for me…but for himself. For his daughter whom he loved and for his wife , whose memory he wanted to honor. And perhaps it was my own delusion that made me think that I’d played some stellar role in his healing…. Maybe if I hadn’t been there, he would have gotten better just the same…. Maybe I hadn’t been a tool …as much as a hindrance …to his healing.

I shook my head, bitterness coating my tongue.

“I should get going.” I whispered , voice shaking.

This is it, I told myself. This is the last time you look at him with that heaviness in your heart. You deserve better. You deserve… a lot of things. And just because people don’t give it to you doesn’t mean you have to settle for less……

“So soon? Hyorin will be back in a couple of hours… I could show you some of my work, and we could get lunch ….”

I shook my head quickly. I didn’t want to meet her in his home. Didn’t want to see him being domestic and affectionate and …normal with her when all I’d ever seen was Jungkook in his anger and grief, either yelling abuses or gripping me with a lust that was tainted with violence and rage. I stared at his hands, the ones I’d liked holding….

How did I forget? That those were the same hands that had held me down and done things that should, rightfully have landed him in prison?

I shook my head, to clear the images out of my head. Looking at him now,  Jungkook looked eager, happy and healed. And I realized that he’d just pushed all of his own actions out of his mind. Forgotten all about it. And that was fair. He probably didn’t even remember any of it. He had been drunk out of his mind, lost in his head and surely, forgetting must’ve been easy… A relief.

I didn’t begrudge him that.

But…

I hadn’t been drunk. I’d been stone cold sober under him on that bed and so, maybe forgetting didn’t come that easily for me. And I was glad that Jungkook could move on and be happy but….

But I couldn’t stay here and pretend that it was the same for me. I wasn’t happy or healed, I thought miserably. And maybe , maybe the sight of him moving on was a sign that I had to stop thinking that healing meant going back to him and his daughter.

“Heejin… What’s wrong? Is it because of Mina.. she’s just not used to…” He began but I quickly pressed a palm to his chest, smiling.

“Strangers.” I said softly. “ I know. That’s not it… You know I have to introduce my exhibit at dinner tonight. I don’t know what the itinerary is or what I’m supposed to say…. None of it.. I need to meet my agent and prep myself a bit. Its alright…I’ll see you tonight.” I said softly.

“I’m sorry… I can’t walk you back because Mina-“

“Of course. Don’t worry about it…. I’ll just…”

The doorbell rang, startling me.

“Jungkook!” A strong voice called out and I went still.

“Hyorin?” Jungkook’s face lit up and I felt my stomach churn. God, the universe really was against me wasn’t it? Sighing in defeat, I wrapped my arms around myself, sitting back down on the couch and waiting.

Behind me , I could hear hushed whispers, soft laughter and shuffling feet. My mouth went dry.

“Ms. Kim….”

I turned around, greeted by the sight of a tall, strapping young woman, pretty by any standards. She was dressed in a pant suit , her hair long and straight, hitting the top of her shoulders. She looked smart… Important.

“Ms. Lee… Its nice to meet you.”

She held her hand out and I shook it gently.  Jungkook smiled at her fondly and his phone rang from somewhere inside the studio.

“Hang on that’s probably Soeun…” He smiled at me and moved away and I watched him leave before shifting my gaze to Hyorin, who was staring down at me with a small smile.

“Are you here in Italy by yourself? Or with one of your many …uh… patrons ?” She smirked.

I blinked.

“Patrons?” I asked softly. “ Excuse me?”

“Jungkook and I’ve been following all the stories about you, back in Korea. You get around quite a lot… don’t you? Every alpha within a 100 mile radius wants a piece of the lovely Kim Heejin… And honestly, could anyone blame them? You look exquisite.”

I stared at her, stunned. The implication was so obvious that I would be an idiot not to realize what she was hinting at. So this was the woman , Jungkook chose? Yet another prejudiced bigot?

I laughed a bit, feeling my heart sink.

“I’m not seeing anyone. If that’s what you’re asking.” I said quietly.

Hyorin smirked at that.

“Of course you aren’t… We all know that isn’t really something your kind does… monogamy, right?”

“Do you have a problem with me Hyorin ssi?” I asked roughly and she laughed.

“Oh come on.. we’re all adults, here. And Heejin, you  agreed to be a part of this festival, knowing full well, that’s what we think . Its because deep down you know I’m right….. Omegas can’t stay with one alpha. They need sex to survive and they are usually open to it with anyone. Not that I’m blaming you or judging you for it. It’s just how you’re built.”

I smiled wide, ignoring the urge to claw at her face. .

“Well, you’ve definitely got me all figured out haven’t you? “ I shook my head, glancing at Jungkook who was making his way over.

“What are you talking about?” He asked curiously and I smiled, glancing at her.

“ Hyorin ssi was just telling me how my sub gender makes it impossible for me to not go around whoring with every alpha I see…….” I glanced at him and Jungkook straightened, looking stunned, “ Well, I hope you two enjoy your beautiful monogamous relationship with each other something an omega like me can only fantasize about…. Right Jungkook?” I smiled and he looked completely lost.

“Wait…What? Hyorin what did you say?” He demanded and she was glaring at me now.

“Please don’t take it personally, I was only talking about omegas in general. “ Hyorin frowned, before bowing and moving away to stalk off in the direction of the bedrooms and I watched her, feeling dirty and terrible.

“Heejin, ignore her.. she’s just old fashioned and-“

“Is that what you’re going to call it?” I snapped and Jungkook froze.

“Heejin…”

I shook my head in disbelief.

“I’m not upset about what she said. I’m upset that she feels comfortable enough, spouting that bullshit to me , in your house. Makes me wonder what else she’s told you about omegas, and how much of it you probably agreed with.”

Jungkook stared at me , lips parted.

“I… I don’t feel that way. You know that.” He said stiltedly.

“Do I? All I know is that she knows about me, about who I am and apparently, she can call me a slut…. In front of you, without worrying about it upsetting you. And that tells me you’re as much of a bigot as she is.”

“Heejin… You know that’s not it. We all grow up being fed certain things and –“

“But you did grow up right?” I snapped. “ you grew up and you can think and act for yourself. As can she. Once you’re an adult, you don’t have a single fucking excuse for being racist or homophobic or bigoted because being an adult means having the ability to unlearn the toxic things you’ve been taught and relearn how to be a decent fucking human.”

I shook my head as he stared at me.

“And you know what…please just… just don’t call me or consider me as a friend.” I laughed. “ Because I don’t think I can consider you one. Not anymore. You can’t…...You can’t just love certain parts of me and be disgusted by others you know? I don’t need a friend who can care about me and love me and help me as long as he can forget that I’m an omega….. I need a friend who can love every jagged, broken , part of me. Who can call out people who talk bullshit at me , who can look someone in the eye and tell them they’re wrong when they’re calling me names  and that’s not who you are……. You’re not it.” I snapped.

Jungkook looked stricken, reaching out to hold me and I stepped away, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Heejin, you’re right … I’ll talk to her… I’ll…” He began but I shook my head.

“Whatever.  Just don’t call me a friend. We can’t be friends. Let’s just be what we always were , yeah? A big fucking mistake that never should have happened.”

I stormed out of the door, shaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean, there are no flights available for today?” I snapped. “Tell them money isn’t an issue. I need to get out of this place right now.”

Minho looked incredibly stricken, hair messy from how often he’d run his fingers through.

“ We just arrived seven hours ago, Hee. Of course there’s no flight yet…. We can stay another day…attend the dinner and-“

“No.” I snapped. “ Absolutely not. I’m not here because they find my art good  or worth putting up. I’m here because they know the alphas around here will want to pay more , to pour in more cash for a chance with me.” I held the embossed booklet up, waving it in his face.

“Heejin…” He protested but I shook my head.

“ Did you see the cost to get into my pane ?. Extra ….for alphas? And yet…apparently they had to pre book it and its filled? You think any of the lecherous bastards who paid money to see me , gives a shit about my art?  And apparently, there’s a meet and greet, for alphas only if they purchase seven or more paintings worth over 10000 Euros. Do you think, that’s what I’m worth?”

Minho looked down at his shoes, ashamed.

“I .. I’m sorry, Hee. You’re right. Its offensive . And an insult to your art and talent. We shouldn’t have come here, you’re right. And I regret it… But just… give me a few hours, yeah? I’ll find a way to get us out of here….”

I exhaled sharply, exhaustion weighing heavy on my head. I felt like I’d taken a pounding, physically and mentally and I wondered how a day that had started so well, could go so wrong, so fast…

Shaking my head, I trudged wearily to the elevator, knocking on the buttons before sagging against the wall, letting my eyes flutter shut.

Jungkook was dating.

Jungkook was dating. His girlfriend thought I was a slut and here I was about to prove her right.

I wanted to slit someone’s throat.

Sighing, I watched the door slide open, grabbing my keys out of my bag,  and moving to the suite. I opened the door before making a beeline for the bed. I collapsed on the soft duvet, groaning. I was torn between wanting to call Taehyung to yell at him about Jungkook and calling Minho to demand an update on the flights.

I was spared the dilemma when the phone in the room rang. Groaning, I moved to swat at the phone, turning on the speaker.

“Ms. Kim? There’s a Mr. Jeon here to see you?”

I blinked, feeling disbelief swell inside me. Did he not get the hint?

Annoyed, I sat up.

“Send him up.” I said, in no mood to go all the way down to see him.

“Up?” She sounded surprised, “ To your room?”

“Yes. To my room. Is that a fucking problem?” I growled, annoyed.

“Not at all Ms. Kim. He’ll be right up.”

I got out of bed, shrugging off my jacket and taking off my dress as well. It was a little damp because I’d sweated through the fabric. I grabbed one of my oversized t shirts , slipping it on and moving to open the door before retreating back to the inner room. Feeling annoyed, I walked up to the vanity and grabbed the hair brush, running the bristles through my locks. I heard his footsteps outside and stiffened.

“If you’re here to defend your shitty girlfriend, you can just leave Jungkook. I swear to God, I’ve had enough of this.” I shouted. He didn’t reply and my hackles rose.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I said something harsh-“ I froze when I reached the doorway, staring at the man in front of me. He had a large , almost humongous bouquet of wild orchids and roses in his hand and I stared at his face.  

This was definitely not Jungkook.

“Umm… hi.” The man bowed awkwardly, his gaze going straight to my legs, where my t shirt ended, just a couple of inches past my waist. I felt the blood rush to my face.

“Who are you…Get out !!!” I shouted, horrified, diving for my jacket and holding it up against my bare thighs. The man held both his hands up, eyes wide..

“I’m sorry… I… you said I could come up to your room….” He protested and I scowled, confused.

“What? “ I stared, stunned… “ Who…what?”

“I’m Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo. I’m uh….one of the sponsors for this festival. And a fan. Huge fan.” He was staring at me beseechingly and I felt my head begin to throb.

The sheer relentlessness of this day…..

“I… Mr. Jeon…” So weird, God, “ There’s been a misunderstanding. I’m not…. I thought you were someone else.”

“Jungkook yes…your ex husband, right? You were married to him for six months after he lost his wife….. He’s also one of the artists exhibiting their work here.” He nodded quickly, running long fingers through thick glossy hair, lips parting in a hesitant smile and I stared at him.

“How do you know all that? ” I demanded, heart pounding. He immediately held his hands up again.

“I’m sorry… I sound like a stalker, shit. But Trust me I’m not. I just am a huge fan.. I looked up some stuff about you….before.” He shuffled a bit awkwardly, finally looking up at me.

I tried to catch his scent. No scent to speak of. A beta then. Relaxing just a bit, I swallowed. At least I wasn’t in any immediate danger. But still, I had no intention of letting him see me in nothing but a t shirt. Embarrassed, I gripped the jacket tighter.

“Why are you here?” I demanded angrily, taking in his appearance. He didn’t look like a hoodlum or someone dangerous. He was good looking, dressed in a white t shirt and black Jacket over plain black slacks. His shoes looked expensive and I didn’t miss the shiny Rolex on his wrist either,.

“Well, for one thing I own the Hotel.” He chuckled and that made my stomach turn. “And also like I said, I’m one of the main sponsors for the Festival itself.”

“Right.” I was too disoriented to process this, head throbbing. “Of course. Is there a reason why you wanted to see me?”

“I was downstairs…just now… I couldn’t help but overhear you with your agent. You wanted to leave as soon as possible. To pull out of the event and I’m just here to try and change your mind, Ms. Kim.” He smiled earnestly and I realized he was really quite young.

I sighed.

“Could you… Could you wait outside? I want to put some clothes on before we talk any further.” I said tiredly and he bowed quickly.

“Uh… These…I’ll just leave these here.” He placed the large bunch of flowers on the table before quickly leaving the room and I swore, racing to the suitcase in the corner. I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans, slipping them on hastily and zipping myself up before glancing at the mirror again. This would have to do.

I moved to the door and opened it, finding him right there, looking lost.

“I… come in, please.” I said hesitantly and he bowed again, moving in and waiting for me to close the door and take a seat on the couch, before sinking into an arm chair across from me.

“Did you see the itinerary? It doesn’t get more sexualized than this.” I waved the booklet and he flushed.

“I understand you’re upset about … certain things. I’m sorry that you feel objectified , in the festival. It wasn’t the intention I had when I first told Hyorin and the others that I wanted them to invite you. But , I’ve been busy the past month, and I didn’t go over the complete agenda. If I did, I definitely would have made sure that you were treated with just as much respect as the others. Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do now, but I’ve had a word with all of the panelists and also the hosts. We won’t entertain any question or comments of a sexual nature and if anyone tries to insinuate anything , I’ll have them removed from the panel myself. “ He said firmly.

“I’m only here because you told me you would exhibit my mother’s works too.” I said sharply and he bowed.

“ Your mother’s works are just as exquisite and I’ve arranged for them to be displayed right at the center of the arena, with a running slide show of her childhood , her art technique and the great love she had for her daughter.” He said firmly.

I could only stare. He sounded incredibly sincere and there was no mistaking the earnestness in his tone.

“I’m….” I bit my lips, “  Listen, Mr. Jeon, I’m flattered but honestly, I never wanted to be here. I… there was … something else that made me want to come and well, that turned out to be a huge mistake. To be honest, I’m not sure if I have it in me to suffer through days of people treating me like I’m some kind of sex crazed bimbo.” I shook my head.

“how about this.? You let me be your date for tonight and you let me display your work, today at the dinner itself. I’ll be right by your side. And then, I’ll have my private jet on standby and we can fly back to Korea. You deserve the spotlight, Heejin and I want people to see how good you are at what you do. I don’t care if I lose money over this… As long as you’re comfortable. ”

I gawked at him, stunned.

“Private Jet?” I choked out. “ Okay, now I’m genuinely concerned.”

He laughed.

“I’m a Hotelier, and I have properties all over the world and I like to inspect them personally most of the time. Its more practical to have a private jet than to try and align my schedules with everyone else.” He smiled.

“Right. Convenient.” I shook my head. “ I’m no stranger to excessive wealth, Mr. Jeon and trust me, it’s always left a  sour taste in my mouth.”

“I don’t flaunt my wealth, Ms. Kim. These clothes? Got them on the streets of Florence. I drive a Mazda. Wealth has no meaning to me. People do. People like you, who bring beauty into the world with their craft. You’ve made my world beautiful and I just want to repay , in some way.” He smiled,  “ Also,  You’re very  beautiful.” He added and then immediately looked away. “ I’m sorry. That was… dumb . I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”

Endeared against my own wishes, I found myself fighting a small smile.

“Just tonight’s dinner?” I asked quietly.

“Just the dinner party.” He assured me quickly.

“Alright. But I’m not getting into any private Jet. My agent will book me tickets and I’ll find my way back to Korea.”

“As you wish. I’ll pick you up at seven. What color is your dress?” He asked casually and I blinked.

“Uh… Wine red? I guess? Why?”

He grinned, looking boyishly handsome.

“I’ll see you at seven, Ms. Kim.”

He bowed, before pausing by the bouquet. He grabbed a couple of  flowers, holding them up for me to see.  

“Daffodils and Lilacs.” He grinned, “ To finding something new to love. And to new beginnings.”

Wow.

Subtle.

I shook my head, momentarily forgetting all about Jungkook as I grinned all the way back to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I told you… coming with me will earn you major points.” Wonwoo smirked as he pulled me in by my waist , holding my dress up for me as I stared at the sleek black limousine at the Hotel entrance. I watched as he held my wrist gently, latching a string of sterling silver and red rubies around the delicate curve of it.

“This is too lavish…I don’t want this…Who are you?” I demanded, flushing because of the way the flashes went off in every direction, reporters scrambling when they caught sight of him. He was clearly popular, if the number of photos being clicked were any indication. I regretted everything.

Wonwoo pressed a kiss to my wrists, right near the bracelet and gently placed my palm on the curve of his elbow, leading me over to the car and I watched the chauffeur open the door for us.  

“ Someone who can get anyone here fired. Be careful , sweetheart.” I watched in mute horror as he bent low, picking up the hem of my skirt so I wouldn’t trip, while climbing into the limousine. The reporters began whispering excitedly and more flashes went off . My face completely red, I hastened to climb in.

“These people look at you like you’re some kind of King.” I stared out of the tinted windows seeing the sheer multitude of people and Wonwoo chuckled.

“ That’s because I am. At least for tonight. And that’s why I’m the perfect guy to protect you Heejin. They’re all terrified of me.” He winked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook found me, fifteen minutes into the event. I hung by the large archway, near an alcove, sipping champagne and nibbling on some hors d’oeuvre as people threw glances at me. I noticed the conspicuous lack of a date on his arm and straightened, sighing and bracing myself for more unpleasantness as he picked his way through the crowd, eyes trained on me.

“Can we talk?” He said, the minute he was at hearing distance and I exhaled.

“No.” I said casually and he made a noise of impatience.

“Fucking, hell Heejin..just…” He swore again, looking upset. “ Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me huh?”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“What do I want from you? Oh, fuck off Jungkook. I want nothing from you.” I snapped, turning on my heel, ready to leave but his hand shot out, gripping me right above my elbow, fingers curling in hard.

“Fuck.. listen. I don’t know what she said to you. I .. I’m sorry if she offended you…. Alright? She’s an alpha… I can’t change the way she thinks…”

“I didn’t ask you to. I merely said that if you associate yourself with people who think I’m scum, I won’t let you into my life. Because I respect myself too much for that.” I said firmly.

“She doesn’t think you’re scum, Heejin come on. She just has some misconceptions about certain things.”

“God, Jungkook…just stop. Alright? Stop. Because I’m not asking you do anything. I’m leaving on a flight tomorrow morning and you’ll never see me again. That’s all there is to it.”

He froze at that, fingers curling harder around my arm and it hurt, the skin turning red. Stupid fucker, never knew his own strength.

“Ow, Jungkook let go.” I whispered, and he did, albeit reluctantly.

I rubbed at the bruised skin, furious. I watched as the redness healed over, the pain fading to a throb and then into a pleasant heat and I hated it. Hated that being an omega meant that Jungkook’s rough touch turned to pleasure on my skin.

“What do you mean you’re leaving tomorrow? The Festival is for two weeks.”

I sighed.

“I didn’t come here for the festival. I came here to see you. To see if you were as hung up on me as I was on you…but apparently not.” I snapped.

Jungkook went perfectly still at that.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He said softly and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Wow. You really never even considered it huh? Us? Together.?” It wasn’t funny at all, but I could only laugh. Probably because I’d been so sure.. So certain that there was something there.

He opened his mouth to answer but I felt a warm solidness behind me, an arm wrapping around my waist and a second later, Wonwoo was there pressing up against me.

“Jungkook-ssi… Such a pleasure to meet you.” He held his hand out, and Jungkook frowned, his eyes trained on where wonwoo’s fingers curled around my waist.

“Get your hands off her.” He said shortly and Wonwoo blinked, pulling away from me and stepping back .

“What the-? No. Fuck you.” I snapped, glaring at Jungkook before grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and bringing it back around me. “Don’t you fucking dare take your hands off.” I held my finger up at his face and Wonwoo looked momentarily stunned.

“Really, Heejin? You’re doing this?” Jungkook glared at me. “ We need to talk.”

“So talk.” I snapped. “ Tell me why you think a bigoted bitch is the best you can do in terms of dating. Tell me why she’s the only one who can ‘ understand’ “ I made air quotes, shaking my head, “ You think you and your shitty have monopoly on grief Jungkook? I’ve lost people too. Just because I haven’t screwed other people over because of it, doesn’t make my grief invalid….yeah.”

Ringing silence followed and I regretted everything.

“Fuck.” I whispered, shaking my head. “ I .. Shit. I need to get out of here.”

I pulled away from Wonwoo, moving out of the huge ballroom and Jungkook was right behind me, of course he was.

“Heejin…fuck. Wait. You’re right. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t understand me. Of course you did. Its why you stuck around… I know that. And you’re right, she had no business talking about you like that. I’ll have a word with her… But…”

I sped up, wanting to get away but he grabbed me again, tugging me closer out of the hall way and into a darkened alcove and I flinched when he pushed me up against the wall, caging me in, as he pressed in closer.

“What did you mean by that?” He demanded, hands coming up to grip my waist, curling gently and my chest heaved at the touch of him, the enclosed space making his scent turn potent, strong and impossible to avoid. My nostril flared as I breathed him in, familiar and yet so foreign, comforting and yet so fucking dangerous.

“By what?” I snapped and his hands moved up, shaping the curves of my body , thumb grazing the tip of my breast and making me jump, before moving up, gripping my face, gently. He pressed his thumb into my lower lip, rubbing back and forth, face impossibly close and I swallowed, throat sandpaper dry.

“About us? Together….” He breathed and I exhaled shakily.

“You know what I meant.” I whispered. “ If you don’t then I can’t explain it.” I whispered and he swore, head dropping against mine, forehead resting against mine, and lips less than a hairsbreadth away.

We’ve never kissed, I thought suddenly. I licked my lips, turning my face away but his fingers gripped my chin at once, yanking me around to stare at him again.

“Look at me, baby. Tell me… You thought about us together?” He whispered .

I breathed shakily.

“Of course I did…. “ I snapped.

“Then clearly therapy isn’t working for you.” He snapped right back and I flinched.

“What-“

Jungkook pulled away staring at me.

“ Do you even remember all the shit I did to you?” He asked quietly. My stomach dropped.

“Jungkook.”

“I broke your ribs.” He said calmly. I swallowed.

“That.. That was an accident. You didn’t mean to.” I protested. “ And we’re past all that… I don’t… I don’t blame you for it.” I said, which was honest enough.

“And what about the nights I got drunk, Heejin….” He said softly and my skin went cold.

“That… That was just… It was just an outlet for your grief… “ I looked away and he scoffed.

“You’re calling it an outlet for grief. I believe the world calls it rape.”

I felt my entire body shiver at the word , moving up to wrap my arms around his neck, trying to pull him close but he was stiff as a board.

“ Don’t” I snapped. “ Don’t …. Its over…it’s in the past.”

“It was still me. I was the one who did it and I can’t… I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

I pulled away to glare at him.

“So , what? You won’t give us a chance because of something I’ve already forgiven you for?”

“Yes.” He said shortly. “ Because you may have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself.”

I felt my body sag in disbelief.

“Jungkook that’s-“

“You deserve better. You always have. I’m not… I don’t deserve someone like you Heejin. You’re kind and breathtaking and I’m just… a broken mess of a man who’s barely getting by.”

“Oh, right… So broken.” I scoffed. “ You’re on the front page of magazines, you have a successful career and a beautiful girlfriend,,,,forgive me if I’m not breaking my heart over your failures.”

Jungkook exhaled shakily before looking up at me.

“  You wanna know the truth about me, Heejin-ah?” He swallowed. “ I just got out of rehab last week.”

I went still.

“What?” I was sure I’d misheard.

“I… I came here and about a month or so in…I started drinking again…” He glanced away and my heart turned over inside me.

“Jungkook, what?” I demanded, horrified.

“I got drunk and got into an argument with a cop. I hit him. They found out I was a single father and-“ He shook his head, “ I got arrested for disorderly conduct , Public intoxication and assault.”

I stared at him in disbelief, unable to keep the disappointment out of my tone.

“ Arrested for assault... Jungkook why?” I breathed and he flushed.

“I know…. It was stupid.. I… I was stupid.” He said softly.  “Soeun isn’t a baby sitter. She’s a social worker. She’s here to keep an eye on me because they want to make sure I’m not a threat to Mina. If I slip up, they’ll deport me back home and then the state will likely take her away from me. Soeun likes me….so she agreed to lie to you ……And as for the girlfriend…” He laughed, shaking his head, “ Hyorin broke up with me after I got arrested. We’re not… We’re not dating. She was only there to get some prints for the panel tomorrow.” He finished shakily.

I stared at him.

“Why?” I demanded . “ Why would you lie to me… Jungkook ….”

“Because I didn’t want you to think I was a screw up.” He said shakily. “ I know I’m supposed to be getting better and I have but… But sometimes I just…I miss…. I miss home. “ He shuddered. “ And you.”  He looked up at me. “ I miss you a lot, Heejin and it hurts and I feel like the only way I can forget about you…about us together is if I drink. And I’m sorry. I know I don’t have the right to miss you, not after everything I put you through but I… it’s how I feel. ” He glanced away, trembling a little.

I wrapped my arms around myself, stepping away, feeling myself go cold.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds, both of us staring at the floor lost in our own thoughts. I felt drained. Miserably so. Like someone had sucked all the strength out of me. I realized how badly I had wanted Jungkook to be okay. To heal and be himself again. And I’d spent the last nine months, fully convinced that he was. That he was doing what he loved, bonding with his daughter building a life for himself.

But apparently, he was also spiraling back into addiction as well.

It was like we were back in that apartment, both of us miserable  but desperate to be something we clearly were not : Okay.

“Does Taehyung know?” I asked finally and Jungkook hesitated before nodding.

“He was at my court hearing three weeks ago. He’s the reason I haven’t already lost her.” Jungkook whispered.

“What did he say?”

“He thinks I should come back to Korea.” Jungkook said quietly. “ He wants me to start therapy again with him. Every week. “

I nodded.

“Fair enough. And what do you think?”

“I think I will. My probation ends in three days. I’ll… I’ll start making arrangements afterwards. I’ll probably be back in a few weeks time. ”

I stared at him, finally seeing the things I hadn’t noticed this morning. The shadows beneath his eyes, the worry lines on his brow. I wondered if he would have ever told me the truth, if not for this little confrontation between us.

Silence descended again and I bit my lips, a million thoughts running through my head. I felt the pull of his scent through it all, an instinctive urge to reach out and touch and draw him close and I wondered if this was it. That for the rest of our lives we would just be drawn to each other, reluctant and hurt but unable to stay away.

“You’re leaving tomorrow then?” He asked quietly breaking through the fog in my head.  

“Well obviously not.” I snapped. “ I’m not leaving you. I’ll tell Minho, we’ll be staying here for a few weeks. Do you actually have a possible job back home? If you don’t I can ask my agent to find one for you….”

Jungkook was staring at me like I’d grown an extra head.

“ What?” I asked roughly.

He swallowed.

“No.. I .. I don’t have a job there.”

“We’ll get you one. And my apartment is big enough so you can stay with me till we find you a place of your own. And I think it’ll actually be good for you, because there’s a Fine Art photographer, pretty well know guy who stays just a few blocks away and e can probably- “

“You haven’t really changed have you?” Jungkook cut me off in the middle of my rambling .

I flushed, looking away.

“What do you mean?”

“Back when we were married… it was just like this.. I’d fuck up and do something awful and you’d just take it all in stride, get ready to help me out of it….”

“I don’t know what you mean…” I said quickly, “ Let’s go back to the party we’ll talk later-“

He grabbed both my arms, pulling me back to face him when I tried to get past him and I yelped, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?” I demanded. “ What is it now?”

“How do you do this thing, Heejin ?” He asked roughly. “ How do you just get ready to clean up every fucking mess I make like it doesn’t hurt you? Like I don’t hurt you?”

“What are you talking about?” I tried to wriggle out of his hold but he tugged me closer.

“How do you just…” He shook his head, “ accept me so unconditionally? Like… Its like no matter what I do, you’re just willing to look past it and I don’t fucking understand Heejin… why do you put up with me, damn it?”

I stared right at him. Caught his gaze and held it, refusing to look away.

“You know why.” I whispered, licking my lips, throat dry,  “ And if you don’t…. I’m not going to tell you.”

His eyes widened , lips parting and he exhaled sharply, before letting me go and stepping away.

He looked away, shaking a little and I sighed.

“Let’s just get this night over with, yeah?” I said quietly. “ and then we’ll talk.”

He didn’t reply, merely standing aside and motioning for me to leave first.

I shook my head, moving to grip his arm instead.

“Together.” I said firmly. “ We’ll get this night over with, together.”

 Author’s Note : i love these two. i’ve never wanted two people to be together so much. 

@taeshuworld  .@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay @squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie @just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla .@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki–life  @somewhereinthestates  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom  

@namjooningelsewhere  @itsdingdong  @ungodlyjoon  @caratarmy131  

@ladyartemesia  @hardggukk @iliveforjin  @loveemariee

@unicornbabylover  @dchimminie  @nope2214   @landl7xoxo

@mrcleanheichou  @kayteekat @wassup-haeyadwae   @natgba   @nikkiordonez12    @neverthefirstchoice  @btsssssfiction  

@mylittlestrangeandsweetworld   @kookiesxbananamilk     @lovra974   @supernoonanyc  @kokoandkookie​  

[forbidding-souda]

Drv2 boys with a black s/o (fem) :] ?

SDR2 boys with a black fem S/O

I don't know if anyone has read the first one or not, but I'm assuming no, so I'll repeat : I am not black!!

continuing on,,,

currently listening: dead prudence by siouxsie and the banshees

-Mod Souda

Twogami

❤ He is definitely the oddest person you have ever met. Sometimes, he is gone for days, and other times he is the only person you are around.

❤ He'll play old american 90s r&b on this little cd player he has, and it's what you hear before you unlock the front door, and it's the thing that signals the fact that he's home.

❤ He enjoys the trips to America that the two of you go on. America holds so much diversity, and he feels more of a citizen there than he does in Japan, because in Japan, where he lives, he knows he could pretend to be anyone - but here, there are so many different ethnicities and cultures that he couldn't even pretend to be apart of.

❤ He likes trying to experience places through your eyes. The two of you have such different views on things, and he tends to think yours is the correct view.

❤ Things like food, music, or movies. It's if my girlfriend doesn't like it, then it must be bad.

❤ So, he gets into a lot of things that are iconic to black culture.

.

Teruteru Hanamura

❤ He loves cooking for you and your family. He enjoys the way they become impressed: as if he was incapable of cooking food that they'd like.

❤ He also likes visited places that have rich foods, like Louisiana specifically, his heart belongs in New Orleans (so you better bet your ass that he's going to take you there like . all the time). So there will be a lot of dates going on ghost tours and horse carriages.

❤ His mother is so homey to you, too. She is an absolute angel who cares for you as if you were her own daughter.

❤ His siblings are different, however, with the way they keep trying to seduce you, but that much you can ignore.

.

Kazuichi Souda

❤ You had fallen in love with his laugh more than anything. He always had something funny to say, and no matter how down you were, he would be there so lighten the mood.

❤ The moment he fell in love with you was when he was in his front yard, face in the hood of a car as the sun beat down on him. He was sweating like crazy. He didn't notice it until he saw, in the corner of his eye, you walking up the driveway. Your skin was glowing, and you looked at him as if he was the only boy in the world.

❤ Suddenly, he felt insecure.

❤ Ever since then, every time he sees you in the sun, it reminds him of when he had fallen for you.

❤ Anyway, on a more goofy note, imagine him rapping.

.

Gundham Tanaka

❤ You'll have to correct him on some of the language he uses. The words voodoo and hoodoo needed to be exiled from his vocabulary. He practices neither of those practices, but he liked using the words, which you quickly shut down.

❤ He had gone on his own and researched his own about what the magicks was, and when he did, he was so amazed by the culture surrounding it. That and he found a new celebrity crush: gothic Screamin Jay Hawkins

❤ He'd probably get a septum piercing to be more like him.

❤ I can also see him quoting I put a spell on you in a more literal setting, as when he is flirting with you, he'll talk about how he used spellwork to make you fall in love.

.

Hajime Hinata

❤ He loves introducing you to new games that he plays, which is his way of warming you up to the idea of cuddling time consisting of him also playing games simultaneously.

❤ Him gaming in public makes him unaware of the amount of times you get stared at, especially when you and him and doing something like sitting too close or when your hands are around his arm.

❤ He is blunt enough to call them out, asking what rather rudely, and addressing them as if they are a menace (which they are).

❤ When people come up to you in public asking for a picture, he'll simply go, "no, she's okay." and grab your arm and walk away with you.

❤ He is very protective over you about things like that. He doesn't enjoy being the center of attention, so he can imagine what it's like for you. Whether you mind it or not, he certainly doesn't.

❤ Even if you tell him it's okay, and "you don't need to get so worked up" - he's not going to take your advice. Protective boyfriend mode is always activated.

.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

❤ He loves gifting you silver, shiny jewelry. The way you sparkle with it on is something he never gets over.

❤ And he loves your hair and the ways you style it. Growing up, he was never a picture person, but being with you made him love the photos that people took (whether consensually or not). Being next to you makes him feel special. How could someone so beautiful chose to be with someone like me?

❤ He'd probably get you a purse dog just to make you so much more like a 'princess'.

❤ If you have locs, he's getting you a bunch of those small silver loc beads. He literally just loves you in silver.

❤ And even if you don't prefer to wear all the dresses he gets for you, that's perfectly okay with him, and he'll go out with you no matter what clothes you decide to wear.

❤ He is just your perfect little malewife.

.

Nekomaru Nidai

❤ Takes you to a lot of his games, with his players. So just know that your free time on nights is probably going to be in the cold air as he screams next to you for like 4 hours.

❤ Other than that, he'll teach you how to play games like soccer or basketball, just so the two of you could have something shared in interest. He probably has one of those street basketball hoop things. (It definitely wouldn't be absolutely cute to imagine him saving it for his future kids).

❤ He likes picking you up and tossing you into the air, which is something that you absolutely hate when he sneaks up behind you and does it.

❤ Whenever he goes to school dances, he always makes sure to take you, and the two of you have the cutest matching accessories. The main reason he got you matching stuff is because when you used to go together, nobody knew that you two were dating. It made him very mad. He wanted people to know that he belonged to you: you are perfect to him, why wouldn't he?

❤ The amount of questions he gets about being with you makes him both flattered to be able to talk to you, as well as annoyed because everyone asks the same thing.

.

Nagito Komaeda

❤ His 'friends' (classmates) make comments about when your hair is natural, the two of you almost match. There have been moments where people go to touch your hair and he grabs their wrists, smiling at them and telling them not to do that before you even have the opportunity to react.

❤ He likes seeing you stand up for him, too, because it reminds him that you are actually into it. Sometimes his mind convinces him that you don't genuinely care about him, but it's the way that you go out of your way to stop people from bullying him that reminds him of the truth.

❤ He wears bonnets to sleep because of you. His hair always gets the most uncomfortable when he wakes up, and now, that feeling is only a memory.

❤ If you get your nails done, he will go with you, and the two of you can sit together in your little stations as he experiences getting his nails taken care of for the first time.

❤ A lot of the things you do, he wants to share the time with you. If you wear makeup, he'll want you to do his. He wants to go shopping with you, listen to music with you, and dance with you.

❤ He has never had someone be as close to him as you are.

❤ He will listen to anything you say, and he pays attention to even the smallest things about you. You'll mention a food you don't like and several months later he'll be like, "yeah and I know you don't like ___" and you'll be like wait a minute.

[a-sleepy-reader]

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: an Analysis and Review

Foreword

Trigger warning for themes of paedophilia, sexual assault, stillbirth, manipulation, violence, and tragedy as well as gruesome descriptions of death. If you want a review free of spoilers, please scroll to the section labelled ‘Conclusion/Review without spoilers.’

Introduction

Calling Lolita a controversial novel is a safe bet. Some readers revolt at its topic, others still protest it as the inspirational romance of the century. Both give Lolita a bad name. I will say it once very clearly; plot-wise, Lolita is a book about a paedophile who grooms, manipulates, isolates, and rapes a twelve year old girl. It is disturbing subject material to say the least, subject material that has to be given more thought than its protagonist’s ramblings of adoration for the book’s namesake. 

For instance, despite its fluctuating reputation, Lolita has found itself to be a playful and humorous novel to many, a “...comedy of horrors” according to the San Francisco Chronicle. So what is Lolita, exactly? A comedy? A thriller? Both? It is time to examine this twisted novel and see just how tangled its thorns are.

Plot synopsis

Humbert Humbert is a typical man by most standards: a handsome, French writer and professor with a soft spot for road trips… and little girls. 

Humbert categorises the sexes into the male, the female, and the nymphet, the latter of which describes peculiar young girls Humbert feels an intangible attraction to. It is with such a nymphet that Humbert self-describingly falls in love with; rambunctious twelve-year-old Dolores(whom he dons ‘Lolita). He cannot keep his mind off of her; ‘light of my life, fire of my loins.’ In however poetic a prose he may choose to describe it, Humbert feels a physical bond to young Dolores like to no one else since his dead childhood sweetheart. Humbert goes so far to pursue the girl that he marries her mother, whom he plots to drown in the blue depths of a lake to have Dolores all to himself. However, what Humbert describes as a work of fate led to the day Dolores’ mother’s brain lay strewn about the road, smeared by an incoming car. She didn’t need to be subject to Humbert’s schemes to die.

From there on, Humbert has legal custody over the twelve-year-old fire of his loins. Raping Dolores becomes a routine. Though she does initially say yes, she is a minor incapable of consent in the imbalance of a grown man with everything to lose if she is to either escape or stop the affair; she will lose her only family if she reports him, and risks breaking his heart if she cuts off the affair altogether-unfortunates only know what people do when they have nothing to lose. Orphaned and trapped, Lolita agrees to Humbert’s ‘love.’ As he described it, ‘she had nowhere else to go.’ 

Two years pass before Dolores falls ill during their second road trip and is taken out of the hospital by an uncle aware of Humbert’s affairs. By way of escaping with this newfound relative, Dolores is finally free from Humbert’s possessive grasp. Depressed by his separation from the girl, Humbert lives a miserable life for several years before receiving a letter from Dolores herself saying she is married and pregnant. Though Humbert suspects the man behind both titles is her own uncle, Dolores refutes this by saying that, though she was in love with him, they did not settle because she refused to be in his pornographic film.

Enraged with the uncle, Humbert arrives at Dolores’ uncle’s house and murders him before being arrested. It is here that we learn Lolita is Humbert’s autobiography of the events surrounding his ‘love’ for the book’s namesake. Though he wishes for the girl-turned-woman to live for a great many years, the victim, escapee, and survivor dies in 1952 during childbirth. Her offspring is a stillborn.

Analysis

It’s a curious thing, really. That so many interpret Lolita as a romance, I mean. Of course, it often presents itself in its writing as a summery romance to read on the beach. A handsome man meets a female. An attraction is felt. Male and female confess an attraction for one another which leads them on a series of road trips following the female’s mother’s incidental death. The language is no exception to this tone-just read the first paragraph: 

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.”

It’s made up of beautiful, flowery sentences, language suggestive of the pure romance of a man ‘in love.’ With a twelve year old girl he rapes. Yes, Lolita is one of those novels that wears many outfits, its outermost lining being that of a tragic love story of one traumatised man and his ungrateful lover. This perspective is especially interesting when taking into account Lolita’s exquisite writing; could the flowery language have prompted so many to interpret this book as a romance? Could Lolita be representative of how so many wield words to distract or deceive those trying their best to disapprove of them? Either way, few deny that Humbert is lying, to himself or to the reader, of exactly how the events of his fascination with Dolores occurred. Digging further into the book, Lolita becomes  an unreliable narrator’s documentation of the rape and manipulation directed toward a naive minor trying to cope with her mother’s death. Further still, it is a comedic satire of a paedophile’s attempts  to justify his crimes... and failing miserably. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I wasn’t even her first lover.” Deeper still and it’s one man’s search for his childhood sweetheart(dearest and deadest) he never finished loving, so he seeks, endlessly, to shower her lookalikes with unwanted ‘love.’ Without end. Without fulfilment. 

Lolita is a story of infinite stories.

Review

What first struck me about Lolita was its beautiful writing; its eloquent prose, imagery, and metaphors hopelessly hooked me from the first paragraph. Nabokov never ceases to use amazing similes, description, and personification to amplify the reader’s experience of the goings-on of Humbert and the girl. This is especially striking in contrast to its tragic subject material; Humbert will rape, and he will manipulate, and he will scheme a murder, and he will hurt so many innocent lives, but he will do so with seemingly effortless grace in the scribbles on a paper. 

Despite this, I did not find Lolita to be a difficult read regarding comprehension of the text. True, many a word I did not understand, but, despite this, I could always tell what was being communicated; the language is certainly not as dated as Hemingway nor Shakespeare. It may even be a calming read for those with a strong stomach, and will certainly teach a thing or two to those wishing to learn more about poetic writing styles done well. 

Some may find the book to be lacking in terms of plot and overall excitement, but I feel this is a subjective view rather than a relatively factual one; Lolita is not an action book. Nor is it a drama. Humbert sometimes spends pages describing the exact locations of a road trip, or exactly how he earned money in the 50’s, and so forth. Some may find this mundane; I will admit that I was, at times, bored by it myself. However, what Nabokov sacrifices in brevity he makes up for with a profound understanding of Humbert’s emotions, environment, and thoughts. 

One slight criticism I do, however, have, is that I found all of the characters in Lolita were fairly bland for me. True, Humbert is unique in his attempt to beautify the macabre, but beyond the initial shock factor of his morale and the revelation that he is seeking the love of a girlfriend from his childhood, Humbert can be mostly summarised as ‘quiet, manipulative, scheming, and possessive of Dolores.’ I was not invested in him as a character, probably due to a lack of good qualities within him; it is true that by one perspective, his story can be interpreted as tragic for him, though through the more common lens of Lolita being a 336-page manipulation of the severity of the atrocities of an evil man, Humbert loses all good qualities beyond his capabilities as a writer.

The same goes for Dolores herself, as I found her to be fairly two-dimensional; she is very sensory and seeks goods of food and adventure and she has a rambunctious heart unconcerned with how others’ feel nor how others perceive her. She is what many would call a ‘wild child,’ and though she becomes more withdrawn later in the book due to the numerous abuses she endured, I did not see much depth to her beyond face value. 

That being said, I certainly do not think the characters are bad, just that they are underwhelming in comparison to the rest of the story. 

I recommend Lolita to those enthralled by character-driven stories of nuanced emotions and traumas, a sort of story of the broken attempting to break the whole. If you are not put off by very thorough descriptions nor by a purposefully thin plot, I have the impression Lolita will revolt, horrify, hypnotise, and seduce its readers into its soft, macabre pages. 

I give Lolita a rating of 90%.

Conclusion/Review without spoilers

Lolita is a vile, endlessly layered story of trauma and the endless search for lost love, horrific abuses, of humorous wit and smirking irony, and of one man’s endless destiny of deceit. I suppose Humbert’s own initials best summarise the smile and wink this book will deliver as you holler at Humbert, weep for Dolores, or perhaps even vice versa. They do say Russians are witty, and Nabokov does not fail this reputation even when we analyse how Humbert Humbert’s initials sound in the author’s native language: 

Ha-ha.

[noonachronicles]

The Malebranche Pt. 1

Im Changkyun/I.M. X Reader & Lee Jooheon X Reader

Word count: 9.4k

Warnings: There is cursing. It’s a story about demons so...probably a little dark in theme. This is demon smut. I’m not being flippant or dramatic. It’s literally smut with demons. This is 18+. I’m not your mom and I’m not the fan fiction police. So just don’t have unprotected sex and don’t fuck demons. There’s also some edging. 

Genre: Demon AU. Modern Fantasy. Sorta Soulmate AU

A/N: This is for @nemesyis​. You probably just wanted some porn without plot but if you haven’t noticed... I’m incapable. Here is some porn with a light sprinkling of plot for flavor instead. 

‘The Path to Paradise Begins in Hell’ - Dante Alighieri

The Eighth Circle was a beautiful burlesque club. It was expected by many to be a front for a brothel or a drug ring but there had never been any proof of it even after several raids and countless undercover investigations. Everyone just assumed that something illegal was happening there, and no one could blame them. It was a cesspool of sin and debauchery.

The club was located just outside of the city in a three story Victorian style mansion. The inside had been completely gutted and renovated by the owners but the outside stayed essentially the same. Only a new layer of paint had been applied. Wine red paneling, black trim, and gold accents. Gothic Barbies dream house.

Inside there was a large foyer with blood red carpets and gold walls. The ceiling was covered in a renaissance style painting. Though the art was not light and angelic like one might have expected. It was dark. It demons and sin. It was the inferno. Beautifully done, but terrifying if you looked too long or too closely. The foyer broke away into three different theatre style rooms. The Red Room, The Purple Room, and The White Room.

The Red Room was the most popular room, it was the most sinful of the three. Named appropriately for it’s color scheme. Red furniture, red floor, red walls, red velvet panels draped overhead. The only things that weren’t red were the crystal chandeliers. Those were consistent through every room in the house. The Red Room experience stood in the center of the four corners. Night club, burlesque club, strip club, and sex club. Consent was the only rule in The Red Room.

The Purple Room offered a slightly more cabaret atmosphere. Mostly purple everything with silver accents here and there. The performances were rambunctious and inclusive. Despite the dark aesthetic it was a classic good time. Usually The Purple Room housed bachelorette parties and birthdays. Large groups of women just looking for a memorable night out.

The White Room, the third of the triplets, was mostly white with accents of gold. It was the most elegant room The Eighth Circle had to offer. Sheer white fabrics hung from the ceiling along with gold and crystal chandeliers. The floor was a bright white marble laced with rivers of gold striping. The couches and chairs were white velvet cushions on gold framing. Women, scantily clad in white lingerie, carried gold trays filled with champagne in crystal stemware. The White Room was mostly for politicians and businessmen that would bring in out-of-towners to impress and seduce them into working with them. Occasionally vanilla couples would partake in The White Room as well if they were trying to spice up a fading love life. Typically if it worked the couples could be found in The Red Room within a week.

The owners of The Eighth Circle were the Malebranche Brothers. Sometimes they were referred to as the Malebranche Twins. Though you’d seen them before in town and couldn’t imagine they were at all related. Most people, however, just called them the Demon Twins.

You would have normally suspected that particular nickname had to do with all of the references to Dante's Inferno that surrounded them whether intentionally or unintentionally. You found it much more likely that the people thought the brothers had a hint of evil in them and less likely that they would have picked up on the literary references. It wasn’t that you thought everyone in town was an illiterate moron. You’d lived in this town your whole life. You knew that everyone in town was an illiterate moron.

The brothers, if that’s even what they were, were young. In appearance they seemed about your age but there was something about their mannerisms that made them seem much older. It’s part of what attracted you to them. They were unlike every other bachelor in this town. It was like they were from somewhere else entirely. A bigger city was your only guess. They had a sense of class and elegance that made them entirely desirable. Unfortunately they weren’t only desirable to you. Every woman and several of the men in town flung themselves desperately at the pair every chance they got. So while you continued to fantasize about them, you knew that’s what they would remain, a fantasy.

From what you knew of them Jooheon was the older of the two brothers but not by much. He was known for his unbelievably plush lips and unmistakable dimples. His hair color usually changed with the seasons but you always thought he looked best with a darker tone. He was also said to be the kinder of the two. He had a pleasantness that his brother seemed to lack, which was probably why he was the one known to take care of the business side of The Eighth Circle.

His brother was Changkyun. He’d been nicknamed the Evil Twin by the people in town. Mostly due to the stern, unimpressed look of his lips when his face was resting. On occasion you’d seen him out to lunch or in a shop with his brother and thought he’d seemed quite playful and even childish. He didn’t scare you too much.

Though you knew Jooheon was meant to be the kinder of the two brothers you would never forget the first time you’d seen them. You were shopping in the city. Jooheon had just stepped out of the car and was headed into a restaurant when he’d turned in your direction, looking just over his shoulder, and his eyes met yours. It was terrifying, just the way it felt, like in that instant he was inside of you.

It was as if he knew every one of your thoughts, every desire. There was just something about him. Lust incarnate with the way your attraction to him tugged at you like there was rope around your waist whenever he was nearby and he held the opposite end firmly in his grasp.    

In that sense you felt lucky that they were a deviant desire and nothing more. Certainly you wouldn’t be able to handle either one of them.

-

Changkyun stood on the third floor balcony that overlooked The Red Room. He was leaning over the banister, soaking in the immoral energies of the night's patrons. A wicked grin grew across his lips as he watched hands grasping flesh. Lips on lips. Very little attention made to who was partaking in who. He loved his work.

“Honey.” he said as his brother moved behind him, not bothering to turn his attention from the activities below.

“Kyun.” Jooheon said leaning against the bannister beside him.

“How are things running?”

“Smooth as ever. Smoother even. Busy for a Wednesday.” Jooheon shrugged, sipping from his glass of bourbon.

“Lucky for us, brother, sin never takes a day off.” Changkyun laughed and snatched the liquor from his brother's hand to take a drink.

Jooheon grew silent, closing his eyes. Changkyun looked over just as they snapped back open to show pitch black orbs. He inhaled deeply, his hand gripping the wooden banister so tightly his knuckles grew white with strain. When he exhaled his eyes lightened to their normal brown.

“She’s here.” he gulped.

Changkyun’s eyebrow perked with mild interest, “Your little townie girlfriend?”

“Don’t be an asshole.” Jooheon glared.

“Where is she? No! Wait!” he chuckled enthusiastically, “Let’s play a game.”

Jooheon shook his head, “I don’t want to play with you. You cheat and you’re mean.”

“Don’t be such a fucking infant.” Changkyun snapped, but his smile had returned in the same blink, “Pleeease, Honey. You never play with me. I’m bored.”

He sighed in quick defeat, prefering to avoid another of his brother's temper tantrums, knowing that Changkyun could always make things worse if he was denied what he wanted.  “What’s the game?”

“If I can figure out who she is on my own, without any hints from you, I get to fuck her.” Jooheon’s jaw clenched, but his brother wasn’t done yet. “I get to fuck her...first.”

“Changkyun.” he growled between tight lips.

His brother only laughed, “Oh please! Please, brother! Who knows if I’ll even be able to figure it out?”

“No.”

“What if I make it a little harder for myself?” he asked, “I only get three guesses.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes knowing full well Changkyun was not going to let it go until he agreed to play. “Fine. Three guesses. No hints.”

“Deal.” Changkyun grinned and held out his hand.

Jooheon grabbed his brother's hand and in an instant they were wrapped in a bind of fire to seal the deal. Jooheon could see the flames dancing in his brothers glistening black eyes, he already felt defeated. His brother always got everything he wanted. Why should she be any different?

After the deal was sealed Changkyun clapped his palms together. “Let’s begin! ONWARD! To the foyer!”

-

You stood at the bar in the foyer suppressing a yawn. Requesting a date on a Wednesday night meant this guy had already been docked points in your book. Being late meant he’d lost even more. Mostly you just hoped he wasn’t going to stand you up. You chewed on the stem that had been attached to the cherry that came with your drink and eyed yourself through the mirror behind the bar.

You looked so good tonight considering the speed with which you had to get ready between getting home from work and the original meet up time. Your dress was stark white and tight against your curves. The hem sat against the tops of  your thighs, not even thinking about nearing your knees. The neck was a deeper v than you normally wore but the white lace sleeves made it seem more classy than slutty, so you thought anyway.

Your blind date was forty minutes late and you had to decide between getting another drink or calling it a night. You lifted your hand to grab the attention of the bartender, ready to close your tab and giving this date a time of death but then you felt it. A tightening in your stomach, you crossed one red stiletto covered foot over the other, squeezing your thighs together and tried to keep breathing. You didn’t know how you knew it was him, you just knew he was somewhere nearby. This wasn’t the first time you’d felt it.

“Did you need something?” the bartender asked. “Refill?”

You shook your head and after a slightly put out look she turned and went to the next guest. Turning around you leaned your back against the bar and searched the room. It didn’t take long before you saw him. Not your date. Jooheon. Standing at the top of the stairs with his brother at his side.

Changkyun was saying something energetically as he looked over the crowd of club attendees. With a gulp you looked Jooheon over. His hair was bright red tonight, the last time you saw him it was blonde, and pushed back off of his forehead. You could see the dip in his cheek from his dimple from where you were, that's how deep it was, and the double slit in his eyebrow.

You bit your bottom lip as they made their way down the stairs, your heart was racing. He’d missed a few buttons on the black silk shirt he was wearing, intentionally you assumed, and you were mesmerized by the thin silver chain around his neck with its pendant that bounced against his bare chest. Your gaze had just made it to the holy grail, a golden snake belt buckle and a pair of tight black, leather pants that had your mouth a confused mixture of desert dry and waterfall of drool.  

That was when you heard, “Did it hurt?”

Moving your focus you met your date, Kihyun, with the single red rose he said he was bringing. “Huh?”

“When you fell from heaven?” he grinned.

Oh. No. You faked your very best chuckle. “That’s cute.”

“I’m Kihyun.”

You lifted the rose he’d handed you, “I’d gathered.”

“I reserved a table in The White Room. People say it’s hard to get a reservation here but honestly I found it easy. I always get into wherever I want probably because-” he continued to brag, not even humbly, but you had stopped listening anyway.

With every step The Twins moved closer. They walked right past you as if in slow motion, the sleeve of Jooheon’s black blazer brushed the back of your hand and you nearly lost your breath completely. Wishful thinking had you believing he’d even looked at you, however briefly. He hadn’t even gotten two steps away and you’d already imagined about four different ways he could take you right then and there. You could probably kill someone if it meant running your hands through his hair, kissing that dimple, knowing that man. Honestly you couldn’t help but to think to yourself that you might have to just sleep with Kihyun tonight even if things didn’t go well because you were pretty sure you were in heat. And why should you have to suffer through the night just because this guy hadn’t yet had the decency to apologize for being an hour late.

“Y/n?” he said, placing his hand gently on your forearm.

You jumped slightly, you were so incredibly wound up. “What?”

“I asked if you wanted to go to our seats now.”

“Yeah, let’s go...” You said with one last longing look over at The Twins.

-

While you were getting comfortable with Kihyun in The White Room, Jooheon was following Changkyun around on his mission through The Eighth Circle. First the foyer, where he would look at every guest and then back at Jooheon to search his face for some sort of slip up. Then The Red Room where he moved around the room in his charismatic way, gently touching guests on their hips or arms, asking them if they were having a good time and trying to read their energy. By the time they stepped out of The Purple Room he’d wasted two of his guesses. Changkyun was furious and Jooheon was feeling hopeful. Only one more wrong guess from his counterpart and he was free to pursue you.

“Give me a fourth guess.” Changkyun huffed, “One for each room and the foyer. It’s only fair.”

“What’s fair is you playing by the rules we’ve already set.” Jooheon declined the request, “One more guess.”

He hoped that in his frustration Changkyun would get reckless with his last guess. Guess on a whim, be wrong, game over. When they stepped into The White Room it was hard for Jooheon to not look directly at you. He also didn’t want to completely avoid you either, as Changkyun would be looking for that as well. His hands were shaking as he made it to the bar and requested a drink to steady his nerves.

Changkyun sighed deeply looking over the room. “Well, she’s definitely in here.”

“What makes you think that?” Jooheon asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“If you were vibrating any harder, every woman in this room would cum in an instant.” He grinned.

Jooheon shrugged, trying to remain casual. “Well, I mean, if you’re sure. You have one guess left.”

“Tiny or tall. Big or small.” Changkyun hummed to himself, “Blonde or Brunette. Virgin or...slut.”

“Are you and your horrid rhyming skills done yet?” Jooheon asked, “Shows about to start. Maybe you’d like to take a break from your boring little game.”

Ignoring Jooheon, Changkyun had a thought. “Maybe she’s neither virgin nor whore. Maybe, maybe she’s part innocence and part evil. You wouldn’t be attracted to anyone too good, that’s bland. But she couldn’t be too evil either or it would annoy you. You need someone just right. A Goldilocks.”

“What are you talking about?” Jooheon sighed. “How could you know what any of these women are like? I’ve never even met her. I don’t know her personality. There’s no way you could.”

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, dear brother.” Changkyun grinned and placed two fingers against his lips as he scanned the room. “Eenie meenie...miny moe.”

Slowly he pointed his two fingers out like a gun and took aim with you in his crosshairs. His eyes lit up and his thumb dropped as he released a pop from his lips.

“Found her.” He blew a gust of breath on the barrel of his finger gun and looked over at Jooheon with a wink. “Dressed like an absolute angel but there is... nothing very nice inside of her.”

Jooheon swallowed the lump in his throat. “Fine. Congratulations, you won your dumb little game. Please, don’t do this.”

“What’s the point of winning if you don’t get your reward?” He asked and sneered over at Jooheon who was pouting, “Oh good God. Stop acting like you’re in love with her or something, you don’t even know her. It’s pathetic.”

“If she says no to your advances…”

“Then of course nothing will happen,” Changkyun scoffed, “I’m not a fucking monster.”

“Guess that depends on who you ask.” Jooheon muttered.

“Well, this was fun but I think it’s time to collect my winnings.” Changkyun looked over at Jooheon curiously, “Are you going to watch?”

Jooheon rolled his eyes and finished off his drunk, “Go fuck yourself, brother.”

“Oh but I won’t have to!”  Changkyun laughed to himself as he watched Jooheon storm out of the room.

-

Kihyun had gotten you a new drink before the two of you took your seats in the front row booth he’d reserved for your date. However he’d also talked so much, about himself, that your drink was already down to the ice cubes. You half listened to him as he described in detail what his average work day looked like and half watched the runoff of your melting ice. Taking a sip every time there was enough collected at the bottom of the cup to warrant taking a sip. What felt like three hours, but was only about twenty minutes passed before he finally looked at his watch.  

“Wow, I can’t believe how fast time is flying.” He said with a smile.

“Who knew investment banking was so fascinating.” you offered with mediocre enthusiasm.

“I think they’re really about to get started soon. Would you like me to refill your drink again beforehand?” he asked.

You nodded gratefully, “That would be amazing, thank you.”

“Okay, but last one.” He laughed sliding out of the booth. “No one likes a girl that can’t keep her wits about her.”

Suppressing an eyeroll that hard nearly gave you an instant migraine. The second his back was turned you pulled out your phone and sent a text to the friend that had set you up on this blind date to let her know she was now your ex-friend. You cleared out a few of your awaiting notifications and then before you could even stop yourself your jaw dropped in the biggest yawn you’d ever experienced in your life.

“A yawn that big does not bode well for my business.”

If Changkyun was any other man in the world you assumed you would probably despise him based on his tacky fashion sense alone. Tonight he was wearing a silk, snake print shirt under a purple, velvet blazer. That alone would have been enough to turn you away from any other man, then on top of that his belt buckle was a massive, eye catching, howling wolf's head. Infact, rather than being repulsed by the outfit you found yourself staring quite unabashed as he stood in front of you. His pierced eyebrow was raised as he looked you over, and you noticed the flash of silver on his tongue as it moved across his bottom lip.  

In your head you thought of at least ten clever, sexy comebacks to give him. Ultimately, after too long, all you gave him in reply was, “Huh?”

He snickered to himself, knowing full well he’d already ruffled your feathers and he was only just warming up. “If you’re not having a good time, I want you to know I will make it my personal mission to make sure that you do.”

Shaking your head you blushed, “It’s not...The club is great. Beautiful. Entertaining beyond comparison.”

His eyes darted over to the bar, lingered on Kihyun’s back for a moment, and then went back to you, “Oh no, it’s not...your date? Please tell me you’re not here, in that dress, with someone who is yawn worthy boring.”

Your mouth opened and then you closed it slowly into a smile as Kihyun came back to the table. He handed you your refreshed drink and took his seat in the booth before realizing Changkyun was standing beside your table.

“Hi...can we help you?” he asked, clearly confused.

“How rude of me…” Changkyun held out his hand and Kihyun accepted it. “I’m Changkyun. This is my club. Well, half of it anyway.”

“Do you often walk around to make sure people are having a good time?” Kihyun asked.

“Ahh.” Changkyun smirked, “Only when I see a truly beautiful woman in one of my seats.”

“Yes, well, y/n is a stunning specimen.” Kihyun smiled tightly, “I’d thank you for the wonderful time we’ve been having, but the conversation has been all us. The chemistry...spectacular.”

You could see the look in Changkyun’s eye, the one that said he had something witty waiting on that sharp tongue, but the lights began to dim. “Can I sit with you? Just for the first performance? I’d hate to be in anyone’s way.”

“I don’t think-”

“Of course.”

You and Kihyun spoke together, but ultimately you scooted into the booth further and allowed Changkyun to slip in beside you as the music began and that was the end of the discussion. The room went dark and a bright white spotlight hit the stage where the white velvet curtains parted to show the stage. An old, big jazz band song started to play and you watched wide eyed as a huge silver ring descended from the ceiling and sitting on the bottom arc of the circle was a scantily clad woman. You watched fascinated as she began moving around the ring. Hanging, dangling, contorting her body all around the thin bar.

Taking just a moment to break your gaze away from the stage, you grabbed your drink to take a sip. Your eyes caught Changkyun’s hand, resting on the top of the table, his fingers thrumming against the white table cloth. Silver bands on two of his fingers and black nail polish on three. Placing your glass down on the table, it took maximum efforts not to reach for his hand.

They looked so long and soft. You wanted to feel them and feel them on you. You realized that this might be the closest you ever got to one of the brothers, so you let your eyes wander. Over his hands, over his wrist with the thin silver bracelet that dangled from it, over his body. The rise and fall of his smooth chest, that you could see clearly from the way his shirt rested open loosely. He was leaning back against the booth and his neck looked so long you gulped. His profile was flawless, jaw sharp, chin perfectly curved, nose...god, his nose. There was a smirk across his lips when he turned his face. His eyes locked with yours, refusing to let you go, not that you’d have looked away anyway.

Changkyun lifted his hand to your face, dragging his fingers down your jaw before holding your chin between his fingers. You felt dazed in a way you had never felt before. You leaned towards him, you were nearly there, lips ready to press against the ones that waited there for you. Then you blinked. Just a blink and you were sitting back in the booth, the lights coming up from the end of the performance. Kihyun was applauding enthusiastically and Changkyun was slipping out of the booth.  

“Wait!” you said suddenly. Changkyun turned to look back at you. “Do you...have to leave so soon?”

“Y/n,” Kihyun reached out and placed his hand on your knee, “I’m sure he’s a busy man with a lot to do. Let’s not bother him further. We can go get dinner.”

“Didn’t you say it was your personal mission to make sure I had a good time?”

“I did say that, didn’t I?” he grinned, “I suppose I could spend a while longer with you.”

“...that’s really not necessary.” Kihyun said quietly, but it was pretty clear he was quickly becoming the third wheel on this date.

You bit your lip as Changkyun sat back down next to you. Kihyun watched flabbergasted for several minutes as the two of you flirted right in front of him before he got up with a huff and took off. You felt a little bad but not enough that you would have gone back in time to change anything.

Changkyun, one of the widely sought after demon twins, had his arm over your shoulder and all of his attention focused on you. You pinched yourself several times until you flinched because it just didn’t seem real.

After a few more performances you mentioned needing to think about calling a cab to go home. Changkyun offered sweetly to take you home and you jumped at the chance. This night started out as such a flop and had turned into a fantasy.

“Stay here.” Changkyun said, letting his hand drag over your hip. He’d walked you out of The White Room following the last performance, and into the busy foyer. “I’ll call for the car.”

You inhaled deeply and let out a relaxing sigh. Being around Changkyun had you so tense, so unbelievably aroused. The knot in your gut was screaming for release, and though you didn’t want to be presumptuous you thought you might actually have a chance with him tonight. A big part of you wished you’d caught Jooheon’s eye, but getting to be with either of the twins was more than you could have hoped for yourself.

“Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

Your blood prickled as Jooheon stepped next to you, his hands in his pockets.

“I..heh...um.” you shook with nerves.

Jooheon just smiled, his dimple digging deeper into his cheek. You wanted to swim in it.

Looking over at you completely he smiled kindly, “Be careful on your way home tonight. We’d like to have you back here again soon.”

“Wow.” You gasped.

You’d never seen him up close before, and honestly you weren’t ready for it. Changkyun was something. Jooheon was something else completely. His eyes were dark but glistened like galaxies. His lips were so...wet. Soft, plush clouds. Your heart was pounding so hard against your chest you were certain it was about to crash all the way through.

“What?” He asked quietly, like a whisper, just for you.

“It’s just..you’re breathtaking.” You’d be embarrassed about saying it later on when you remembered but for now it just had to be said.

He blushed at the compliment. “I could say the same for you.”

There was just something about him. Something inside you was so drawn to something in him. You thought about what it would feel like to just be held by him. He looked like the definition of comfort.

“Y/n.” Both of you turned to see Changkyun, standing in the doorway looking, in contrast, like the definition of devious. “We’re all set, are you ready?”

“Have fun.” Jooheon bowed out and you watched as he turned and left.

“Yeah, ready.” You smiled at Changkyun and he led you to the car waiting outside.

You slid over the black leather of the backseat and Changkyun slid in after. After you gave the driver your address the two of you sat quietly together. Several blocks passed by the window before Changkyun turned to you.

“You prefer my brother.”

“What?” You asked as if you hadn’t just spent the last ten minutes thinking endlessly about Jooheon and his impossible dimple and his unstoppable lips.

“It’s okay. It won’t hurt my feelings.” He assured you.

You sighed, “I don’t have a preference, it’s only that I’d noticed him first.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Why?” Your whole mood dropped.

“It’s just Jooheon is deeply interested in someone right now.”

“Oh…” you didn’t know why it stung so badly, you should have already known someone like him would have someone.

“She was there tonight at the club. Absolutely stunning young woman.”

“That’s so nice...for them.” You wished he’d stop talking about it already.

“It is, isn't it? Then there’s two poor, lonely idiots like us. Right?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

You scoffed lightly, “Poor, lonely idiot...that’s definitely me.”

Changkyun looked down at his lap and sighed, “Well, unfortunately I can’t get you what you want, but I can give you second best if you’re willing to settle.”

“What?” You asked in genuine disbelief. “You...would be interested in someone like me?”

“Not someone like you.” He corrected. “I’m interested in you.”

“Really?” You asked, “I don’t mean to sound...so surprised. It’s just, I find it so very hard to believe someone as handsome as you would be interested in me.”

“Why do you think I spent my whole night with you?” He chuckled.

“Honestly? Pity.”

“Not at all. Not even a little bit.” He looked over at you and smirked, “I spent my night with you in hopes of getting a kiss.”

You practically snorted in shock. “What?”

“Something small. Just to taste you.”

“Are you serious?”

He shrugged, “Only if you wanted it too. ...but since I’m not Jooheon.”

It would have been stupid to waste even another second so you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. You could taste how smug he was. The tip of his tongue swiped at your lips and you opened your mouth to him without hesitation. His tongue was soft and slick with the exception of the little metal ball that massaged your tongue.

You moaned into his mouth while his hands roamed over your body. He’d turned his body to yours, his fingers slipping up the thin fabric of your dress until his hand was your hip and the skirt was pulled all the way up to your stomach. You were a panting, breathless mess and his hands were only urging you further.  

You pressed your palm against his chest, “Changkyun…while this is nice and I desperately want more...your driver is like right there.”

“Who?” He said looking towards the front seat and then back to you, “Minhyuk?”

“Yeah…” you nodded, “He’s probably already heard everything I doubt he wants to see it too.”

“Don’t worry. He’s deaf, and blind...and mute.”

“Your driver is deaf and blind?” You smirked.

“Sure he is.” He leaned in and sucked the skin of your neck until you whimpered . “Isn’t that right, Minhyuk?”

When you looked over you saw Minhyuk's eyes flicker to the rear view mirror and then back to the road.

“See, and mute. Like I said.” he slipped his hand between your thighs, fingers grazing your wrecked panties. “Now tell the truth, since your soaked pussy already has. You kind of want him to watch.”

You shook your head, “I don’t care about that. I just...It’s you. I really want you.”

A fire flickered in his eyes and his chest puffed up enthusiastically, “You do?”

“Well...yeah.” you laughed, brushing his cheek with your hand.

“Then you should have me.” His hand pulled gently on your hip.

The pull wasn’t aggressive, only suggestive, until you were throwing your leg over his lap, and sitting on top of him. As the car moved through the streets the backseat filled with the sounds smacking lips and desperate, lustful moans. His hands spread out over your ass and he brought your hips into his. The size of the bulge you felt between your thighs was more than you could have expected. Your eyes rolled back while your hips rolled forward in a needy attempt at getting the friction you hadn’t realized you were missing out on.

Changkyun sat smug beneath you, enjoying the frenzied way that you thrusted against him. Your teeth dug into his lips. It was as if you’d lost all control. Your animalistic need for him was outweighing any desire you had to preserve an image of a respectable woman. Then you were close, you could taste your orgasm on the tip of your tongue. All you needed was maybe ten more seconds with his bulge. And then it was gone. With a surprising amount of strength he plucked you from his lap and you were back on the seat, stunned into silence.

“It seems we’re here.” Changkyun said calmly as he straightened out his shirt and jacket. “Thank you for a lovely evening.”

“I..umm.” you straightened your skirt down your trembling legs. “Well… thank you for the ride. I appreciate it.”

“I should thank you for the ride.” He laughed and then he asked in a slightly condescending tone, “You didn’t expect me to go in with you did you?”

Too embarrassed to even look at him, you shook your head and opened the door, “Of course not. Uhm, bye.”

You slipped out of the car and began the shameful walk inside. You heard the door shut and were waiting for the car to drive off when you heard Changkyun call out to you.

“Why would I be expected to come inside when you didn’t even ask nicely?”

Turning around you smiled at the sight of him standing beside the waiting car, looking proud of himself for fooling you.

“Changkyun… would you like to join me inside?”

With his hands in his pockets he walked over slowly. Casually, taking in the outside view of your apartment building, until you were standing chest to chest. Leaning down he whispered against your ear, “I would love to come inside of you. Oop, I meant with you.”

Without even asking your brain permission, your hips pushed forward until they were pressed against his. “I-uh…”

“Go on…” he prompted. “Tell the truth. Tell me again what you want.”

He was so close you couldn’t miss the opportunity to taste him again. Kissing softly along his jaw until you met his ear you whispered, “I want you.”

“Want me to what?”

You blushed and shook your head, “Just you.”

“Come on, y/n.” He grinned, “I know how filthy you can get. I just watched you hump me relentlessly in the backseat of my car. Stop playing coy and tell me what it is that you want.”

“I want you to fuck me until I can’t feel my legs.”

He inhaled sharply and stepped back with a pleased smile, “Wonderful. Lead the way.”  

-

Somewhere between your initial excitement outside of the apartment building and the ride up the elevator you remembered that your apartment was a mess. Usually your home had that typical ‘lived in’ feel to it, but it wasn’t a pigsty. However after the hurricane you had become in your attempt to get ready for your date it was a sloppy disaster. You tried to talk  Changkyun into waiting out in the hall while you cleaned up but, too amused by your panic, he refused.

“May I have a look around?” Changkyun asked politely as you hurriedly picked up loose clothes from the floor.

“Sure...it’s messy. Obviously.” You warned, “I hadn’t planned on having anyone up.”

“Not even your date?” He called curiously from the living room as he surveyed your belongings.

You let out a quiet sigh as you considered how to answer him. Shaking your own head in disbelief you said, “I don’t typically do this kind of thing. You know, just… invite people home on the first date.”

Changkyun laughed heartily from the doorway of your bedroom and it made you jump. You hadn’t realized he was right there. “You don’t have to lie for my benefit. In fact I prefer your filthy, slutty honesty.”

Between the suggestive tone of his words and the dark look in his eyes, goosebumps popped up all over your body. He swiped his long, wet tongue over his lips and then casually turned his back on you to continue perusing your belongings.

“Can I get you anything? Water...wine…” you asked, lighting a scented candle and then leaning against the dresser once you’d finished your quick clean.

“Do you have any banana milk?” He asked and looked over his shoulder at your surprised face before he laughed, “I’m fucking with you. I don’t want anything.”

Your thighs rubbed anxiously together as you watched him look over your bookshelf. He opened a few boxes to find letters and photographs before moving on.

“You look like you’re looking for something.” You said with a tiny gulp.

“I am.” He said honestly before tugging open one of your bedside drawers.

“How do you know I even have what you’re looking for?”

He smirked as he made his way around the bed to the second drawer. Placing his hand on the handle he watched your cheeks flush and he said, “You absolutely have what I’m looking for...angel.”

You were practically shaking as he pulled the drawer open. He laughed again before reaching into the drawer and pulling out your favorite teal colored vibrator. Turning towards you he spun it around in his hand.

“Not even in the cute, silk drawstring bag for added privacy. Just sitting right on top where anyone can find it. What a bad girl...” He stepped over to you and dragged the toy against your thigh. “This guy must see a lot of action.”

“Maybe.” You said as he moved the vibrator up under your dress. “Why were you looking for it?”

“I wanted to see what you’re used to.” He leaned in until you felt his breath on your neck. “I wanted to see if you could take me.”

Your eyes closed gently, “And?”

“Inconclusive.” He said inhaling you deep into his chest. “I’ll have to conduct further tests. So if you’d be so kind as to go lay down for me.”

“Okay…”

“So agreeable.” He watched you slip past him and move toward the bed. “Take the dress off first.”

You stopped just at the edge of the mattress and unzipped the side of your dress. His eyes stayed on you as you tugged the dress off your shoulders and slipped it down your hips and thighs until it fell to the floor at your feet. Turning around you looked at him, his head was tilted and there was something evil in his smile as he took you in. Noticing that you hadn’t moved he looked up and caught your eyes and with a small shiver you climbed onto the mattress.

“No bra.” He noted.

“Doesn’t go with the cut of the dress.”

“Interesting that you didn’t plan on having any visitors tonight, and yet you’re wearing such mouthwatering panties. Maybe you’re just the type that owns only fancy matching sets.” He said, pushing himself off of your dresser and moving towards the bed, “If I check your panty drawer what will I find, y/n? A dozen matching lace, satin sets or a mismatched  mess of cute cotton panties with pineapples and puppy dogs on them.”

“What do you think?” You asked softly as he sat down on the mattress next to you and crossed one leg over the other.

“I think I’d prefer you in neither.” He grinned, his pierced eyebrow raised and you realized his comment had been a subtle command.

Biting your lip, you squirmed as you pulled your panties off your hips and down your thighs. Changkyun cleared his throat and held out his hand once they’d unhooked from your ankles. You handed him the laced satin fabric. Fisting them in his hand he brought them to his nose and inhaled deeply with a satisfied groan.

“Mmm. That’s a five star cunt if I’ve ever smelled one.” He smiled, and placed the bundle of fabric in his pocket. His fingers danced across the skin of your stomach, over your hip, and down your thigh. “I’ve already done such a nice job on you. And we’ve only just begun.”

You watched quietly as he pushed your legs open and teased your soaked sex with this fingertips. They slipped over your slick folds, circled your sensitive clit, and dipped briefly into the velvety depth of you. He kept his eyes on your face the whole time, taking in every reaction, no matter how small. No matter how hard you tried to hide it from him, he was learning you too quickly. He lifted his glistening fingers to his mouth and hummed pleasantly as his tongue ran over them.

He dropped his hand down to your mouth and said, “Open.”

You twisted your tongue around his fingers before sucking them into your mouth. When he groaned and his eyes fell closed you wanted to cheer in celebration that you’d finally gotten him. Even if it was small, and even if he was definitely going to own you much harder, you internally celebrated your little victory. After a long minute passed with his fingers in your mouth he removed them from your lips and cupped your face in his hand.

“I...like you.” he said softly, rubbing his thumb against your cheek.

Dropping his hand beside him he picked up the vibrator that had been laying on the comforter. A shiver went through you when he clicked the toy on and brought it between your legs. Your toes were already starting to curl into the blanket beneath you and all he’d done was drag the vibrator over your pussy. He circled the toy around your clit several times before dragging it down and back up. You didn’t know exactly what his plan was but you loved how it felt. Once he’d gotten the vibrator as dripping wet as you were, he pressed it inside of you slowly. Your mouth fell open at the sudden filling sensation of it.

“Touch yourself.” he requested.

As your hand reached down to play with your hardened clit, Changkyun leaned forward and took one of your nipples in his mouth. There was something so...detached and demeaning in the way you were completely naked and exposed while he remained fully dressed. Despite how small he had you feeling, you still felt incredibly powerful with all of the focus being on you. It was surprisingly sexy. You moaned as you felt your oncoming orgasm for a second time that night, while he fucked you with your own vibrator. Your free hand slid up into Changkyun’s hair and massaged the back of his head as he continued to suck and tease your breasts with his teeth.  

“Fuck!” You shouted, back arching off the mattress, “Don’t stop, I’m so close. I’m gonna cum.”

You were right there that moment of agony before the ecstasy. Except ecstasy didn’t come and neither did you. Changkyun had pulled the vibrator from between your legs and turned it off and with the loss of the fill your hand had dropped subconsciously.

“Why?” You whimpered.

This was the second time he’d done that tonight and you were annoyed and furious and so aroused you wanted to scream. He looked down at you, his fingers brushing a few stray strands of hair from your sweat beaded forehead.

He shrugged, “It’s funny. You’re very cute when you squirm.”

He stood up from the mattress and pulled his jacket from his body before folding it and hanging it over the plush reading chair in the corner. He hummed a cheerful song as he walked back to the bed, rolling his sleeves up his forearms.  Standing at the end of the mattress, he looked over you. Grabbing your ankles and he dragged you down the bed slightly until he had you where he wanted you and then he climbed onto the bed between your legs. Spreading your legs wide open he admired what he’d done so far. You laughed to yourself as he inspected your swollen, sticky cunt.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, spreading your lips open.

“Nothing.” you answered quickly.

You gasped as he smacked your sensitive sex, “Don’t lie. Tell me what you think is so funny. I love a good joke just like anyone else.”

“It’s just…” you sighed, “If you’re going to try and eat me out...it’s not going to work. Not after you’ve already gone so hard with the vibrator. It just won’t be enough to get me off.”

He laughed lightly, “Do you mind if I try it? If you think it won’t work, it probably won’t work but, I’d still like to try.”

“I’ve never said no to head before.”

You’d had one boyfriend in the past who always asked you to sit on his face. It was some of the best head you’d ever gotten. The way his tongue got deeper than any other before him, you were sure it was the only way you could come from oral alone. That was until now, until Changkyun.

He started out so timid. Tiny kitten licks, a long slow swipe of his tongue from bottom to top. It was nice but as you’d suspected it wasn’t about to bring you to orgasm. Then he changed tempo and once he had you suspected that his original apprehension was a red herring.  

He pushed your legs open and put the weight of his arms down on them to keep from moving, which was smart because in seconds your body was attempting to snap them shut on his face. He sucked your clit between his lips and beat it senselessly with the tiny metal piercing on his tongue. You’d been wrong, and if he’d asked you would have admitted it readily. However he didn’t ask, he just kept going. You fisted his hair in between your shaking fingers.

“What...the...fuck.” you gasped as he snaked his tongue inside of you.

Not just inside of you, but deep. Deeper than should have been physically possible. There was half a sense of concern, what had he actually shoved inside of you, but the rest of you just didn’t care. The part that didn’t care won over as your hips started to push up into his face, needing more.

“Oh my god!”

Your gasps turned to shouts of pleasure as he brought out his secret weapon. With his tongue impossibly deep inside of you, the piercing massaging your slick sensitive walls you thought you could come like that. Then his nose brushed against your clit. You couldn’t breath. Your eyes blew wide and it felt like everything you thought you’d known about your own body was a mistake.

“Yes!” You screamed out as your hips tried to buck further into his face, “Fuck! YES! Oh god! Oh- shit!”

He kept on and you kept screaming until there was aggressive pounding on your bedroom wall from your neighbor. You knew you should stop screaming, that you should pull yourself together, but Changkyun and his devilish relentlessness wouldn’t let you.

“Fuck! I'm gonna cum! I’m! Gonna-”

Changkyun pulled away from your pussy with a pop. He licked his lips as he pushed himself up off the mattress.

You deflated against the pillows like a sad balloon. “I don’t like you.”

He shrugged, “For a minute there it sounded like you were incredibly fond of me.”

“Why? Why do you hate me?”

“You said I wouldn’t be able to make you cum.” he said innocently, “It would have been so embarrassing for me if I failed, so I thought it would be better to just quit while I was ahead.”

Grabbing the pillow from beneath your head you swung it into his face. He grabbed the pillow with a genuine laugh and tossed it back on the bed.

“You know I was right there. You know you were going to get me off.” you glared. “Asshole.”

Walking around to the side of the bed he grabbed your hips and tugged you ruffly until your legs were hanging off of the edge where he stepped between them. He leaned forward and sucked the skin of your chest between his lips, moving up until he was latched onto your neck. Your arms slid up his back until your hands were hooked over his shoulders, holding him close.

Finally he pulled back slightly and whispered, “Maybe I just wanted to feel you cum on my dick. Would that be so bad?”

“No.” you said breathlessly as the dark look in his eyes washed over your body like a wildfire.  

A gulp traveled down your throat as he stood fully and removed his belt and unzipped his pants. “Flip over for me.”

“I want to see it.” you said curiously. 

“Fine.” he smirked and placed his hands on his hips. “Go ahead.”

Without a second thought you sat up on the bed and reached to unbutton his pants. You dragged them down his hips just slightly, along with the black boxer briefs beneath. Then, teeth digging anxiously into your bottom lip you freed the massive bulge you’d enjoyed so much earlier in the car.

“Oh.”

It was what you could only describe as the holy grail of dicks. Smooth and long, with perfect and even coloration. It was pretty. The thickness of it made you both nervous and excited. It sat heavy in your palm and the tip glistened with precum. Leaning forward you pressed a sweet kiss against the head and then sat back to lick the taste of him from your lips.

“Will it do?” he asked

“Only one way to find out.” you turned around, and dug your knees into the mattress.

You could feel his hand move between your legs once more. He pressed three fingers inside of you, just to be sure you wouldn’t be stretched too uncomfortably. When he finally sunk into you, you lurched forward onto the bed.

“Is that okay?” It shocked you how thoughtful and caring he sounded.  

You nodded and pressed back into him for assurance. “Don’t stop this time.”

“I won’t.” he promised, his hands wrapping around your hips as he continued on.

It was so slow and easy at first, you thought it would be nice if he could just keep doing it forever. A long satisfied moan escaped your lips. Once he knew you’d taken to his size he went harder, faster. Reaching forward he grabbed your hair tightly in his fist and pulled you back against his chest. It surprised you how sensitive your skin was against the silk of his shirt. Almost as sensitive as your pussy had gotten to his silk cock. The arm that wasn’t hanging onto your hair slipped around your body, his hand cupping your bouncing breast.

“Oh! Fuck me! Harder!” you begged as he slammed into you.

Your orgasm was close, coming faster than any of the ones before and only building bigger with every hard thrust.

“Oh, baby…” he panted against the top of your head, feeling you start to contract around him.

Then your eyes went wide, “NO! What are you doing? Don’t you dare.”

He’d pulled out and hadn’t pushed back in with the swiftness as he had before.

Changkyun only laughed. “Calm down. I just want to see that pretty little face you’re about to make when you cum all over my fat cock .”

You flipped over one more time and looked up at him skeptically. “I swear to God...”

He chuckled as he lifted your leg up around his waist and sunk back into you. “God doesn’t give a fuck if you cum. I do.”

There was something about being face to face. Having your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, his forehead pressed against yours, your tongue being gently sucked in between his lips. You were glad he’d made the switch. This was nice. And though he was still fully dressed it felt intimate.

“Oh..Changkyun...yes.” you cried out as your orgasm tore through you threefold. You’d never come so hard, you weren’t sure you could stop. The tightening of your walls milked out his own orgasm soon after. Your body shook almost violently as you came but so sweetly your voice flowed against his ear when you breathed out a simple, “Kyunnie…”

It wasn’t something he’d ever wanted anyone to know. If people found out it would make him appear soft and weak. However, as intentionally uncaring and cruel as he often came off, all he’d ever wanted was to be wanted. Really, truly wanted. Not wanted because he was attractive or rich or had a big dick. And it was impossible for him to know what you’d really wanted him for but it just  felt different with you. It felt like more when you said his name like that, like you still wanted him even though he was done with you.

He knew when you said his name like that he’d fucked up. All he was trying to do was piss off Jooheon. It had been a joke. He didn’t plan to actually like you, he didn’t want to. He wanted to discard you like trash. Give you away to his brother as sloppy seconds and see how much he wanted you then.

“Stay here.” he said hurriedly. He pulled out of you and tucked himself into his pants before disappearing into your attached bathroom.

“Where would I go?” you muttered, before dropping back onto the mattress exhausted.

You closed your eyes and listened as he moved around your bathroom, trying to figure out what he was doing in there. You had figured he was just washing up but it was taking longer than you expected. When he finally returned you were nearly asleep.

“Not yet…” he said waking you up and then helping you off the bed. “Can’t let you go to bed looking like some teenage boys used sock.”

You snorted out a laugh and leaned your head against his shoulder. “You’re just so romantic I don’t know how to handle myself.”

In the bathroom you were genuinely stunned to see that he’d run a bath for you, complete with overflowing bubbles. He helped you step into the tub and eased you down into the warm water.

“Kyunnie…” he looked away from you and then gulped before looking back, “This is actually really sweet.”

“Well,” he grabbed a washcloth, dunking it into the water to use on your skin, “it can’t take all night. Minhyuk is still downstairs waiting for me.”

Lifting your hand you moved it over his neck and pulled him down for a kiss before muttering against his lips, “You can tell him to leave...stay the night with me.”

“I can’t.” he stood up from the tub and dropped the towel in the water. “I’m going to clean up out here. I’ll be back to get you out in a minute.”

He was panicking and he needed to get his composure back. It might be nice to stay the night with you. It might be what he wanted to do, but he wouldn’t. Not only was Minhyuk waiting to take him home, but Jooheon was waiting there for him. Jooheon. His brother. His only friend on earth. The only person who ever would and ever could understand him completely. The only person that would ever put up with his bullshit no matter what.

Jooheon. The one that he was certain was bound to you. At least if the mark on your forearm had anything to say about it.

So he took a deep breath, cleaned up the mess he’d made of your bed and went back to help you out of the tub like he said he would. He even dressed you and tucked you into the bed before getting his jacket off the chair. When he turned to say goodbye you were looking at him with big needy eyes and your lip between your teeth and he hated it.

“Will I see you again?” you asked.

He looked at you with one of his classically smug smirks that you’d seen over and over again all night and said, “I’m sure you will.”

[ill-skillsgard]

Okay, HEAR ME OUT lol V!Faust definitely has a huge cum denial kink, but to an EXTREME extent. He 1000% forbids his girl from cumming for WEEKS, the longest he’s ever forced her to go was 3 months, it was supposed to be 4, but she got super grumpy & insecure so he caved. Imagine him trying to push her to 4 months again & her crying to Axel because she feels like Faust doesn’t like her anymore. So he fucks her & lets her cum & Faust finds out. What do you think black metal baby daddy would do???

First of all OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Second of all...

She was a mess. She was desperate. She was certain that he had plans to break up with her. So why not make one last attempt at getting help for her seemingly hopeless situation? She had tried begging and pleading and crying to Faust but he wouldn’t have it. 

The only person that knew him better than she did was Axel.

“I’m sorry... What?” Axel blinked his large round eyes at her standing there trying to dig the toe of her shoe into the carpet.

“Don’t make me say it again,” she murmured.

“No... Please. Say it again,” Axel cracked a smirk while he closed his laptop to focus on her.

He had seen the way she had been dressing lately. The small shorts that rode up her ass crack, the innocent looking kneehigh socks, the low-cut tops. It all started to make sense to him why she had started to come around dressed like what he deemed a “cock-tease”. She had been trying to get Faust to fuck her.

“I don’t know... He does this thing that I hate and I just don’t know why.”

Axel looked past her, out into the hallway. “Where is he?”

“At band practice,” she replied.

“For how long?”

She shrugged her shoulders. Part of what made him so forboding was that she never knew when he was going to summon her. All she wanted was for Faust to finally give in and take her. She could handle spanking, choking, him calling her nasty names and all the other depraved things he liked to do but the deprivation was by far his worst punishment.

“I think they usually finish up by 9,” she told Axel.

He looked at the clock and smiled. Ample time to seduce his brother’s little desperate girlfriend.

“So you want to know why he doesn’t fuck you and you’re wondering if he’s told me anything about not liking you anymore?”

She nodded her head.

“I can tell you one thing and that is that Faust and I don’t really talk about the girls we fuck... Or don’t fuck, in his case. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Faust can be pretty withholding when he wants to be. No... He doesn’t really tell me about that and I don’t tell him about the girls I fuck either.”

Naive and persistent, she pressed on with questions. “Am I ugly then?”

“God, no!” Axel exclaimed. “You’re... So cute. Look at you and your little outfit. Faust is crazy not to be all over you.”

A blush crept up her neck as Axel drew nearer, sizing her up with that peculiar set of eyes. He licked his lips and let his gaze fall down her body with purpose. She knew that he was visually eating her. The attention felt good, warm and welcome.

“Poor girl... Is that really all you want? To be fucked by a bad man?”

Every inch of her skin crawled gloriously hot when she registered what Axel had just said to her. 

“I can make you come. We don’t even have to fuck if it’s just an orgasm you want. Although, I gotta say that I have been thinking about stuffing you when I see you wearing those sexy little school girl socks.”

“Really?” She blushed harder. “He told me once that he liked them so...”

Axel melted for her. “You even dress up for him and he won’t even touch you? Goddamnit, that’s a crime!”

“So... Are you going to fuck me?” She asked.

“That depends,” Axel got closer, towering, staring down at her from a predatory stance.

“On what?”

“If you want me to, of course.”

She bit her lip and nodded and the moment she gave her consent, Axel let his hands roam over her shoulders and up her neck smoothly until his long fingers thread through her hair. He kissed her deeply once, knowing that it would put her in the daze he needed her in to guide her over to the bed. When they got there, Axel already had his hands busy removing her shorts.

“Oh, Jesus... Look at these naughty little panties. I bet these are just absolutely soaked. Are they, princess? Are your sexy little undies all wet from thinking about how good it’s going to feel when I have you coming for me?”

She nodded, loving the sound of him calling her “princess”. He stroked her between her legs and felt the warmth she exuded. It almost made him buckle. What he wanted was to throw her on her stomach, haul her ass into the air and pound into her like he was getting paid to. But he couldn’t take that approach as much as he’d love it. The girl needed compassion- something that Faust was incapable of giving.

“Do you wanna fuck or do you want me to just play with you?”

“Anything... Everything,” she had become unhinged. No thoughts of Faust clouded her need to let Axel fulfill his promise. She would deal with the consequences later.

“Oh, don’t say that, honey. You don’t want to tell a boy like me that I can do anything to you. We don’t know each other that well.”

“Just... Please make me come.”

“Yes, ma’am. Let’s get those panties off...”

Axel fingered her slowly at first and then took it a little faster when she started to moan. When he touched her clit she was already a mess and it didn’t take him long to get her right up to the edge before snatching her away from it.

“Now, now. If you’re gonna come, it’s going to be when I say so. We just started, princess. I can’t have you coming before I even get a taste.”

He licked the finger he had in her and made her lie back on the bed. 

She came so many times that she could hear a ringing in her ears and numbness in her extremities. All ten of her toes buzzed and she was sent off on her way back up to Faust’s room. She laid in his bed and closed her eyes.

It must have been much longer than she thought because when she awoke, Faust was standing beside her holding her panties that he had found on the floor. She must have dropped them and forgot to put them back on after stumbling away from Axel’s room fully satiated.

“What did you do?” He asked in a flat, sinister tone.

“I... I, um...”

He inspected her underwear and determined that something was amiss.

“Were you playing with yourself?” He asked.

“N-no.”

“Tell me the truth.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Last chance to tell the truth,” Faust crumpled the material in his hand and threw it on the floor.

“I went to Axel.”

Faust took a moment to digest her admission. Nodding curtly, he turned around and went to his desk to pull open the drawer. What he pulled from the desk shone sharply in the last light of the evening.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

[gimmetheheadcanons]

Empty - Day 4 (Gothic Klonnie)

A/N: So here is Day 4 and I’m kinda disappointed with it because it probably deserves to be a proper story and not a short piece hammered out like this and so blah. But anyway, I have to post it so post I shall. It is connected to Day 1,2 and 3 so feel free to read those.  

----------

Day 4: Draugagangur :  the walking of ghosts, a haunting.

The Sheila Bennett who sold her soul didn’t think it was worth very much at the time.

Twenty-four years old and dressed like a death wish, she always packed light for her journeys. Shivering under a street light and her feet firmly planted on a sidewalk full of cracks, she thought about the winding road that brought her here.

When remaining a troubled teen well into her twenties was no longer an option, she set out on her own; travelled across all fifty states, searching for the next sinister thing that could seduce her.  

Sheila had always been hungry.

A higher high was out there. All she needed to do was find it. 

Power. Purpose. The things her content parents could never understand.

As a child, they were helpless to stop her and simply stood by as their daughter dabble in darkness. Again and again.

First, it was small stuff. Just being bad enough to distress her dad, bad enough to dull the senses, to combat the daily dreariness of working in that damn family diner.

Then came the late sixties, a decade that demanded a little danger and young Sheila Bennett wanted a lot of it.

Finally, it was love; making a girl so lost and in the end so lonely. 

His sex set her skin alit and for a while, in return, she would follow him down every avenue of sin. After years of ‘pretending’ to be bad, Sheila was finally ready to be so much worse.

She ditched the diner and danced all night. Every night.

Floating high enough to touch ceilings then punching it until her knuckles blooded up and she was forced to come crashing down. 

He’d try to catch her. She never let him.

In the end, her dalliance with the devil and his music just didn’t cut it.

As he lay naked beside her, the magnetic frontman who stole her heart, picking away at what was left of her skin - Sheila became acutely aware of how many more layers his calloused fingers could never truly touch.

The jukebox in her head was done with playing covers.

She was more than a groupie but unwilling to graduate to girlfriend.

Doused in stench of yesterday’s drinks, he dared to ask for the impossible one last time.

“I love you but you need to slow down cher.”

Never, Sheila thought as she obliterated his guitar, grabbed his leather jacket, the last of his stash and split.    

When it was all over she realized she’d outgrown New Orleans too and made plans to leave that very night. 

But Sheila was a clever girl with so much wasted potential. Every seemingly impulsive decision really the result of hours of careful thought. The kind of thought her school teachers thought her incapable of.

The hours he spent recording, Sheila spent doing research. 

Reading up on the symptoms of her illness.

There was something wrong with her - not medically but spiritually.

There was an enormous emptiness she could never seem to fill. Her grandmother, far more intuitive than her parents, had always sensed it and tried to throw scripture and prayers at it.

It tired Sheila because she knew the truth.

Whenever she slowed down she would notice it - the emptiness that used to house something old and powerful.

She looked for untried and wilder ways to break her body because it was just that - a body. A vessel made to host something more than her. Fashioned for a purpose that escaped her her entire life.

Sheila wasn’t going to find the answers on the front benches of a church, the front row of his show or on the bathroom floor of a seedy club.

However, she did think she could find it here on Bourbon Street, in the shop window of Nandi’s Specials and hopefully in the potions of the Magnificent Madame LaMarche.

Sheila wasn’t wrong.

It was waiting for her, in there. 

She dropped her cigarette on the ground and crushed it under her heavy boot. Stamping out its heat and her only excuse to remain outside.

The old witch sat by the fireplace took one look at her, in that oversized stolen jacket and ridiculous hair, and just laughed.  

“What? Is this not a good time?”

“Concern yourself not with goodness child. The things you are searching for will find you when you give yourself to the dark.”

Without hesitation, Sheila accepted the terms the witch laid out before her and together they burned the only thing she felt sentimental enough to bring with her.

The crone didn’t stop there however.

“There is more to give.”

“Then take it all.”  

Sensing the elderly woman waver for a moment made Sheila almost sneer at her.

The stupid hag could have her soul and do with it as she pleased. 

How would a girl like Sheila even notice the missing weight of a soul when she felt so untethered her entire life?

Madame LaMarche’s resolve returned, as did a frown Sheila wasn’t sure she’d seen before. From then onwards, the elderly woman worked in silence and Sheila winced at the thought of the witch having read her mind or something.   

The sudden sight of a long ceremonial dagger appearing out of thin air, put enough sense into the reckless young woman to keep her mind blank and opinions for later.

“Your hands child.”  

The witch pulled her closer and quickly drew blood from the center of each palm. When she finished the holes in her own hands wept.

Preparations complete, Madame LaMarche started her incantation.

“Release. Receive. Release….”

“Receive.” Sheila said without being prompted.

She was ready. The spell cast, connections made and Sheila Bennett’s empty husk found its purpose again.

It ended pretty fast - the human girl gone and a vessel fashioned in her place.

“When will I feel again?”

Careful to suppress her usual mocking laugh this time, Madame LaMarche shook her head.

“Oh my child! But you have! And always far too much too.”

Sheila left the shop without saying goodbye.

It was a clumsily phrased question and a ridiculous answer when all she just meant was her hands. Drained, damaged and with long crevices running towards the center, they felt alien against her face.

Cracks on the sidewalk, now cracks on her hands.

My poor mother.

Sheila couldn’t help cackle at the thought of her wickedness, the repercussions. 

It would be worth it. She could feel their presence already.

Spirits, thousands of them flocking to her now and wherever she went next, she would always have company during the cold.

Beings lost as she was, lonely and longing to rise.

Rise…rise...rise…

And never again fall.  

Her body would house them.

Sad souls, angry souls, any that sought her out really.

She would set off now, to build a home for them - a place where they could be together.

Time and this new purpose in life tamed Sheila Bennett enough to find success in the boring way her parents had always hoped for. 

Their wayward daughter transformed into a celebrated writer. 

The souls came with stories and Sheila happened to put some of them down on paper. Who knew there was such a market for pain.

Now she had more followers, living ones and some other luxuries too.

A rising star.    

He walked into her life right before the money and right before the cynicism of celebrity kicked in. 

But she could trust his intentions. He was more angel than devil; a tasty slice of something she never thought to try before. God, how he reminded her of the diner she fled from. Of the pies in the oven she prayed would explode and blow them all to Hades.  

Starved for human touch, Sheila indulged a little and then a little more, not knowing how sweet things were often far worse for you in the end.

When he left her, Sheila knew it was because of the spirits.

The home she built for many hadn’t enough room for one.

Haunted and afraid by the unnatural things he saw and the secrets she expected him to keep - her love fled just as she had so long ago.     

It was the ghost of a much angrier woman who then flung trash bags filled with clothes out of a balcony. Enraged, she cursed her modest angel for not having more things she could smash or burn.

Exhausted but not quite alone (she never was), she thought back to Madame LaMarche’s words.

Goodness was something she didn’t have to concern herself with; and so Sheila was more than a little surprised when it turned out that it was growing inside of her.

They were all wrong. Him because there was room and her because the emptiness could be filled with something pure and perfect without a price. Something she’d water and feed and love until it bloomed and bore more of its perfect self.

A daughter.  A granddaughter.  

Just like she had been, a lifetime ago.

And whilst she disappointed every person who dared to love her and grew bored with every role she ever played, her good little girls could never do the same.

They filled her life, they found their own and she fell back on old habits, destined to let them down. 

Especially Bonnie, the beautiful baby girl born on a day as bright as the sparks in her mesmerizing eyes. Sheila should have kept her away the most. But the dreams began weeks before Abby even told anyone she was pregnant.  

A man called from beyond the veil. He didn’t need home like the others,  in fact he already had one large enough for all of them. That was when Sheila realized, the pleas for help this time were in fact an invitation to help her.

In all her joy as a mother she had forgotten the sad truth of motherhood.  

Abby had her own life. The baby would one day too. 

Sheila needed to keep the connection with the spirits strong, keep serving them, keep the emptiness at bay. 

So she didn’t stop to ask any of the right questions. Age made her complacent and her old teachers all of a sudden were vindicated. The crone LaMarche, long dead now, mocked her too.  

Still, she set out on a new mission. An expensive and long one where her growing wealth turned out to be very handy.

Each night, in her dreams, she’d discover a new detail about the alluring man and his divine promise of a grand home; and each day, she’d put it to paper, slowly carving out a map to take her and her family there.

Twenty states later, Sheila found it.

The house surrounded by a near perfect ring of white oak trees.

Sheila was about to step over the threshold and into her new home when she was met by one of the movers on his way out.

He took one look at her, a grandmother in oversized leather jacket, and laughed. 

“Well, good luck to yah lady. This place you just bought? Fuck me, does it look haunted! Cursed, I’m tellin’ you.”

“Cursed.”

[poetzproblem]

I have started to notice something and was wondering if there is a reason to it. Why is Quinn always the one in the wrong? On DOEP, on the baby discussion (she wasn't wrong but she was putted as the one who overreacted), on POTS (by the debates on the blog you can see who people deem wrong) and on the Teresa thing, where Rachel was in the wrong, Quinn was still the one who ended being forgived for going to confront Teresa (and lets be honest, if Quinn was the one who flirted + \Part 1/2

+++ she would have received a lot more of backlash than Rachel). Is it because of considering Rachel incapable of doing any wrong? Or because Quinn’s past mistakes will always put her as the “bad” one? I’m not trying to criticized you! I’m actually asking because I didn’t notice this only here. And Merry Christmas! Part 2/2

I won’t answer in a blanket statement for other writers or fandom in general. And it’s not my intention to seem rude or evasive, but I’ve gotten variations of this question in the past. Yours is certainly the nicest version to date, but it always seems to lead into a debate about the way fandom writes Quinn or the way I write Quinn that I’d rather not revisit again. So right up front, I’m making it known that I’ll answer this question in regards to my own writing and the examples you’ve listed but I won’t be answering follow-ups on this particular subject.

To start, I have to say that I personally feel like the interpretation of which character is wrong and which is right in any given circumstance more often than not might be based on the readers’ own character preferences. And that’s not a criticism of you, Anon. We all have our favorites, and we all tend to bring our own expectations and perception to every story we read of film we see or television show we watch.

Perception can also be influenced by the point of view that a story is being told in—Rachel is obviously going to think she’s right even when she’s wrong. So is Quinn.

That being said, I don’t agree that some of the examples you listed above paint Quinn as the bad guy or as wrong. And I’m not automatically going to claim that I’m right because I wrote them, because I understand that some people will read a situation differently than I do or miss the more subtle cues that I try to add into the text—and if that second one is the case, then I’ve failed to some degree as a writer. 

My own interpretation to these specific situations is explained under the cut for those who don’t care to read the long-winded fic analysis:

In DOEP, yes, Quinn placating her ex-girlfriend in front of her current girlfriend and failing to see the problem in that did make her more in the wrong in that situation—though Rachel’s behavior isn’t perfect. She’s jealous and possessive and gets angry at Quinn because she feels hurt. If someone feels that wasn’t adequately acknowledged in her own internal admission of her jealousy over Sarah and her external apology for walking away from Quinn without telling her exactly why she was upset rather than leaving Quinn to guess at it, then again, I failed somewhere in the text.

But I disagree that Quinn was painted as wrong with the baby situation. It was a no-win argument for both of them, and I feel that I portrayed it that way. Quinn wanted what she wanted and Rachel didn’t, and Quinn felt hurt and betrayed and angry and then disappointed—all perfectly natural reactions for someone in her position. And Rachel felt pressured and defensive and terrified and then guilty—also natural reactions. Neither of them were wrong, but both of them initially reacted in wrong ways. Rachel got defensive instead of admitting what her real concerns were, and Quinn got upset and belligerent.  

The place where Quinn admits (and Santana agrees) that she may have overreacted was specifically in reference to her conversation with Santana—which I never wrote out in detail—where she claimed that her marriage was built on lies just because Rachel wasn’t ready for a baby right at that moment. But that overreaction was Quinn being led by her anger at the perception that Rachel was shutting down her dream of a family. 

For me, Quinn being quick to anger is as much a part of her character as Rachel’s self-centeredness. Maybe that makes it seem like she’s being shown as the one who’s wrong, but for me, it’s a Fabray characteristic that Rachel is well acquainted with.

And that also played into the situation surrounding Rachel’s first meeting with Teresa. Quinn was most certainly not wrong for being upset that Rachel was a little too flattered by another woman flirting with her. I never wrote out that particular argument, but in Make Me Wanna Stay, it is mentioned that they’d had one and that Rachel had apologized for failing to make it known that she wasn’t interested in Teresa. Quinn’s apology wasn’t about Quinn confronting Teresa specifically; it was that she was being a little vindictive about the whole situation by throwing Rachel’s mistake back in her face when Rachel thought that she’d already been forgiven—and doing it in a way that played on Rachel’s insecurities about how easily Quinn could seduce a woman like Teresa if she wanted. And that’s happening because Quinn is still insecure about Rachel—it’s still early days in their relationship after all. They very specifically both acknowledged that they hadn’t handled it in the best way and apologized to each other for their behavior.

That particular ficlet was, in fact, a direct response to conversations on this blog regarding Shuffling the Cards Of Your Game. Some people felt that Quinn had the right to be angrier at Rachel about the Teresa thing than she seemed by the actual confrontation with Teresa while others felt like Quinn confronting Teresa was a problem because it meant that Quinn was being jealous and didn’t trust Rachel. I realized that both were valid points, so I wrote that scene to address those concerns to some degree and to show that, at that point in their relationship, they were still learning how to be a couple and building a new kind of trust and that it wasn’t always smooth sailing.

Again, these things happen in DB because Quinn is not completely defanged from her high school self. She’s not a saint, and she occasionally does or says hurtful things because she’s been hurt. Rachel will react to that as Rachel would–with all of their history in play. And Rachel occasionally acts selfishly or thoughtlessly and ends up hurting Quinn. And they both occasionally get defensive and confrontational. But then they talk it out and make compromises.  

And Rachel is the one that ‘compromised’ on the baby thing, admitting that she was wrong to let her fear stop her from fully embracing having a family with Quinn.

As for POTS, I feel like it’s the discussion on this blog that’s more coloring the perception of Quinn being at fault in some way than the stories themselves. Quinn isn’t being cast as the villain in that universe—she had every right to be hurt by Rachel’s rejection of her in the first part. In fact, Rachel was pretty much seen as the bad guy right after the first installment.

I think most people understand why Quinn never wanted to speak to Rachel again after what she believed had been done to her. Rachel led her on and made her believe she was finally getting everything she wanted only to rip it away in the worst way imaginable at her absolute most vulnerable moment. But maybe because Rachel got the closing point of view where we find out the why of everything, she ends up getting a little more sympathy in the discussions that followed here because she’s the one who ended up alone and unhappy while Quinn has (mostly) moved on. And, as someone pointed out, they both really sucked at communicating in that universe, so Quinn refusing to take Rachel’s calls—even if she and Rachel both felt it was justified in the text—wasn’t really the healthiest way for either of them to move on.  

I realize that none of this is liable to change an opinion of anyone that feels that my writing is unbalanced regarding Quinn, but I truly do try to explore situations with them in ways that I think are true to their characters and derived from the traits they were given in canon combined with the ‘growth’ I believe they’ve had through the progression of the overall story. And I understand that my interpretation of the characters may not match up to what someone else believes it should be, but it’s my interpretation, and I’m going to keep writing them the way I believe they’d act. 

[bookxofxfables]

❝ A terrible thing happened!❞ ❝ This would be easier if I could understand you better. ❞ ❝ I’m about to make it worse.❞ ❝ Oh joy. Now my mother can get that kidney operation she so desperately needs.❞ ❝ This stays strictly among the Fable community.❞ ❝ Lay one hand on me, asshole, and you’ll regret it.❞ ❝ I’m taking you in.❞ ❝ Never discuss personal hygiene with a bridge troll.❞ ❝ You’ve occasionally been clever, _____ … but never smart.❞ ❝ You’re getting a bit nosy, mister/miss/misses ______❞ ❝ If you can’t maintain a normal human appearance or purchase a concealing Glamour from one of our witches our rules mandate that you be relocated upstate to the Farm, where all the other nonhuman Fables live.❞ ❝ Both of you shut up and let me work. ❞ ❝ This is abuse of authority! And I got a witness! ❞ ❝ Does it matter?❞ ❝ We have to make as best we can.❞ ❝ Is he/she the one?❞ ❝ If she/he opens her/his mouth again, pick her/him up and carry her/him home.❞ ❝ I can’t help but notice things. I believe that’s why you hired me,❞ ❝ I’m not much interested in what you think is and isn’t a good idea. ❞ ❝ You look out of breath, ____. Been climbing beanstalks again? ❞ ❝ I’m afraid this time it’s different, I understand there’s blood. Lots if it.❞ ❝ Did you run all the way over here just to trade verbal barbs,or is there something else you need? ❞ ❝ Don’t be so dramatic. I already know. My ex is back in town.❞ ❝ We’ll see.❞ ❝ Can’t you go faster? ❞ ❝ Damned right I want to know. I’m going with you❞ ❝ You power-mad fuckshit!❞ ❝ Fine. I get the message. I’ll keep quiet – for now.❞  ❝ I take it back. You’re still a monster through and through.❞ ❝ It looks that way.❞ ❝ Hide your wallet first.❞ ❝ I won’t take up too much of your time, but I have a few questions.❞ ❝ I’m bleeding you shit! Why’d you do that?❞ ❝ Is that why your handsome prince/pretty princess divorced you?❞ ❝ Get up. It’s morning. I need to go to work and you need to get out.❞ ❝ Whoever did this is one of us.❞ ❝ You make it sound like a fucking synonym for — I don’t know — a turd sandwich.❞ ❝ Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?❞ ❝ You can’t fool this nose.❞ ❝ Watch your smart mouth, sonny boy/ girlie❞ ❝ If you’re going to advance, advance like you mean it. ❞ ❝ Unlike you, I have responsibilities.❞ ❝ I thought I’d find you out here.❞ ❝ How can you be sure? ❞ ❝ Don’t you have a government to run?❞ ❝ I can’t just now.❞ ❝ Did you kill her?❞ ❝ Nothing to apologize for. I expected it to happen sooner.❞ ❝ You’ve gone dotty, sweetheart.❞ ❝ Mister/Miss/Misses _____, if you’re going to insist on calling me princess/prince, please don’t do it in that tone of voice.❞ ❝ Why don’t you tell me what you want, so I can get back to work.❞ ❝ Don’t beat up on yourself so much.❞ ❝ No, ma’am/mister. I’ve never had much of a sense of humor.❞ ❝ We’ll get around to him/her. But let’s finish up with you for now.❞ ❝ If you think that, maybe you should add me to your suspect list.❞ ❝ I apologize for the waterworks in there. That wasn’t very professional of me.❞ ❝ Thank you for coming on such short notice.❞ ❝ Why don’t you let me handle things from now on?❞ ❝ Then my money says ____ did it.❞ ❝ So what actual conclusions did you come to?❞ ❝ It’s comforting to discover your voice haven’t lost any of its venom over the years, lovey.❞ ❝ And what about the time you tried to raffle off the map to your remaining magic beans?❞ ❝ I will, if it becomes necessary. I promise. But so far that isn’t the case.❞ ❝ How dare I what? Speak rudely to a mass murderer?❞ ❝ Then you’re wasting my time and yours.❞ ❝ I don’t eat sweets.❞ ❝ I’ve had my one loss of composure. You won’t have to worry about further emotional fits from me.❞ ❝ Then quit your fucking dissembling and answer!❞ ❝ You’re always trying to beat the system, ___❞ ❝ Think about that before your next lesson.❞ ❝ The minx seduced me.❞ ❝ This shouldn’t take long.❞ ❝ Well, ain’t that a big kick in the pantalones. ❞ ❝ Feel better now?❞ ❝ I’m not a delicate flower. I can take bad news.❞ ❝ You can’t keep sneaking into the city to crash on my couch.❞ ❝ When did you get to be such a potty-mouth?❞ ❝ She/he ‘s dead – carved up like a Christmas turkey. And rumor has it that creepy boyfriend/girlfriend of hers/his did the dirty deed.❞ ❝ You are an impertinent man/woman. I demand satisfaction!❞ ❝ But she/he only dated him/her to make me jealous.❞ ❝ Not to worry. Sit down. Make yourselves at home.❞ ❝ We can have it lab tested if you like but there’s zero chance that it isn’t her/his blood.❞ ❝ What? How dare you!❞ ❝ I’m charging this pompous asswipe with ____’s murder.❞ ❝ We called ahead. Your boss is expecting us.❞ ❝ I’m leaving now, before I scream.❞ ❝ I like to come here to think – which I do best when left alone.❞ ❝ On-guard position, ____. My turn to attack now.❞ ❝ You may not have done anything this time, ___. But you are never innocent.❞ ❝ Then comes the fun part I promised. You get to make a big mess.❞ ❝ But I can’t help but wonder if you haven’t turned back to your old eating habits.❞ ❝ I’ll keep that in mind if I ever do decide to kill anyone.❞ ❝ Where did you get all that?❞ ❝ And when exactly are you planning to clue me in?❞ ❝ Oh look. After all these years, the wolf has finally shed his sheep’s clothing to once more show us the true beast underneath.❞ ❝ Oh, we don’t need to stand on formalities. Not when it’s just you and me.❞ ❝ You are a tedious, small man, and in need of more frequent bathing.❞ ❝ How dare you treat me in such fashion! ❞ ❝ Talk now and you can save yourself some pain.❞ ❝ That’s not the way we do things anymore.❞ ❝ Oh joy. Then don’t carry it that way, or you’re likely to cut your own head off.❞ ❝ Wait! Both of you! We don’t want to talk ourselves into rash actions here.❞ ❝ Machines hate me. I’m a genetic luddite, incapable of operating anything more complex than my toaster.❞ ❝ Do what you need to, but have this wrapped up by the gala.❞ ❝ Boo-fucking-hoo.❞ ❝ Has it escaped your notice I’m bleeding? I need a doctor.❞ ❝ Excuse me?❞ ❝ And don’t let the mundys catch you.❞ ❝ Get him/her, ____! He/she ‘s trying to kill me!❞ ❝ I have no idea. It came out out of the blue.❞ ❝ Good hunting, sir.❞ ❝ And what are you going to be doing while I’m doing your work for you?❞ ❝ This is the vorpal blade of Jabberwocky fame. Kills in one cut, snicker-snack and all that? Does all the fighting for you?❞ ❝It’s all very complicated and I can’t explain it yet. So just go along.❞ ❝ I was half-way hoping you’d have gone home for the night, so that I could put this off until tomorrow morning.❞ ❝ Mop, wax, scrub and paint until you return it to pristine condition.❞ ❝ Let’s all step back, take a deep breath, declare a minute’s moratorium on the chest-thumping and see if we can’t think things through a bit more rationally, okay?❞ ❝I’m content to cut at you all day and all night, until you confess❞ ❝ You can be one frustrating son of a bitch!❞ ❝ Your record’s been clean since you came to town.❞ ❝ Be my guest. I’d love to have that menace out of my life.❞ ❝ Poor baby.❞ ❝ Keep your pants on! I’m coming!❞ ❝ You need to prepare yourself for some bad news.❞ ❝ I’m sorry.❞ ❝ The only easy day was yesterday.❞ ❝ We’re coming to your rescue.❞ ❝ Don’t put ideas in his head!❞ ❝ What are you talking about?❞ ❝ We both know you’re too much of a narcissistic asshole to ever blame yourself for any of your many failings, so did you blame her/him/_____?❞ ❝ Not a chance, boys. Hauling all this crap was just the first act. Your workday has barely begun.❞ ❝ The best mother/father any boy/girl could want.❞ ❝ Drop the knife and back away from the boy or I’ll rip your fucking throat out.❞ ❝ I need you to be in one piece for the big party next week.❞ ❝ I’ve got more bad news for the two of you.❞ ❝ Nonsense. If I were trying to kill him/her, he/she ‘d be dead now.❞ ❝ Can we go now? ❞ ❝ What do you say? Growing tired of the taste of gingerbread?❞ ❝ If I have to lay my hands on you, it won’t end until one of us is dead on the floor.❞ ❝ My hero. *sarcasm*❞ ❝ That means there’s no hope that she/he/___ is still alive.❞ ❝ Yeah, well my heart bleeds for you, you know what they say.❞ ❝ Most of us knew it was only a matter of time before you reverted to your old ways, ____. Nature cannot be denied.❞ ❝ I want something of my own. ❞ ❝ I suppose it would have been too much to expect to be born smart as well as privileged. ❞ ❝ Where do we buy the lottery tickets? ❞ ❝ Why dwell on one unfortunate incident so long ago? ❞ ❝ I imagine that will only grow worse after tonight. ❞ ❝ Both of you, quit your damned bitching and crying.  ❞ ❝ My god, are you completely devoid of social skills? ❞ ❝ I didn’t anticipate being the center of so much attention ❞ ❝ You’re about to find out exactly how much I can prove. ❞ ❝ Enjoying the party? ❞ ❝ You ought to know. You helped put it there. ❞ ❝ Don’t start. ❞ ❝ Pardon me, but you’ve suddenly grown wearisome and pedestrian. ❞ ❝ Many of us didn’t have the chance to run. ❞ ❝ Ladies and gentlemen, lift your glasses and join me, please, in drinking this toast. ❞ ❝ I want to grow up, I want my balls to drop, and I want to get laid. ❞ ❝ But maybe there’s a way for all of us to avoid that harsh necessity. ❞ ❝ But still working for a minimum wage in a ________ ❞ ❝ All sorts of things never occur to you, dear. ❞ ❝ Why go into hock to win more lost lands and another useless title? ❞ ❝ How much have we made so far? ❞ ❝ But you’ve got nothing on me– nothing you can prove, anyway. ❞ ❝ You’ve never danced before? ❞ ❝ Are you on the menu? ❞ ❝ I’m an old veteran of these affairs. ❞ ❝ There you are. Don’t you look nice. ❞ ❝ But we’re missing the party! ❞ ❝ I am most certainly not having a good time. ❞ ❝ As promised, my love. ❞ ❝ If I win, I’ll be a princess/prince in my own right. ❞ ❝ Are you going to act like this all night? ❞ ❝ It wasn’t our/my business. ❞ ❝ I finally made it. ❞ ❝ Oh my, is he your date, princess? ❞ ❝ Don’t literally watch your feet, just kindly stop stomping all over mine. ❞ ❝ Shut up, you pathetic, bleating child. ❞ ❝ Shallots? But you clearly said red onions! ❞ ❝ Perhaps women wear low necklines to filter out the gentlemen from the dogs. Those few who can still manage eye contact, even in the presence of breasts like these, might actually have some potential. ❞ ❝ You poor girl/boy ❞ ❝ And this time leave the guns, daggers and battle axes at home, please. ❞ ❝ Do you see why I needed your help? ❞ ❝ Don’t spoil the evening, darling. ❞ ❝ Oh gosh. I sure hope not. ❞ ❝ So how long do we have to do this before we eat? ❞ ❝ Gently, please. I’m not some suspect you’re about to wrestle to the ground. ❞ ❝ You look like you’re trying to peek down my dress. ❞ ❝ I was beginning to think I’d been stood up. ❞ ❝ I swear you’ve had that same scowl on your face for the past three or four hundred years. ❞ ❝ No wonder they call lotteries taxes on stupid people. ❞ ❝ Why don’t you run your own damned errands? ❞ ❝ So it’s not as if you’d suffer any embarrassment if I never showed. ❞ ❝ Everything must be coordinated to arrive at the proper time! ❞ ❝ I demand an explanation! ❞ ❝ Now, follow my lead and try to stay off my feet. ❞ ❝ We need to be out on the dance floor. ❞ ❝ No matter. You always go this thing stag, right? ❞ ❝ When did you forget how to enjoy yourself? ❞

[my-mystic-messenger]

Hey there !! Can you elaborate a little on why you think Jumin is emotionally constipated?? Thank you in advance :D

I sure can, my dearfriend. 

As you see, by definition being emotionally constipated meansnot being able to handle and/or process emotion. It doesn’t mean thatyou lack emotion, or that your emotional range is in any way limited.Jumin isn’t emotionless, he just has a very hard time understandinghis emotions. In fact, sometimes I feel like people who areemotionally constipated are as much, because once in their life theymight have felt too much, incapable of handling and thereforsuppressing said emotions. I feel like that might be the case withJumin.

So, let’s have a look atwhat could have caused such constipation:

His birthmother

Itis made obvious, on multiple occasions in the game, that Jumin’sbirth mother was divorced by his father early on and seems to be outof the picture. She is never mentioned and his step-mother is the onehe refers to as ‘mother’, which indicates that he doesn’t share arelationship to his biological mother. Such things are often hard onchildren, especially if my assumptions are true and the woman decidedto abandon Jumin and her father. I cannot imagine Chairman Hanrefusing to let his son see his mother, nor that Jumin – especiallyat such a young age – would not want to see her. Being abandoned bya parent can leave deep wounds in any human being, let alone avulnerable child. 

His step-mother

After being abandoned byone of the most important females in anyones life to have herreplaced with this particular step mother did Jumin no good. Not onlyis she an obvious gold digger to the point that even a child would beable to notice, from the interactions he has with her it’s obviousthat he doesn’t feel connected to her at all. She is nothing but aburden he tries to avoid at all costs. On top of that it is heavilyimplied that she has been sexually harassing him for quite some time,as he barely even reacts to her advances in the visual novel, almostlike he’s gotten used to them by now. So, the second female and corerole model of his life turns out to be a disappointment and failureas well. Once more, something that leaves a child rather empty andlost.

His father

Now while Jumin has a reportedly greatrelationship to his father, that might actually be a big reason as towhy he is the way he is. For one, without a second parent to 'fixate’on, Jumin had to give all his attention to his father. The father hefirst and foremost got to know as a huge businessman. While they doexchange gifts and nice gestures, that is hardly something you wouldcall a healthy, let alone warm relationship. Anyone can spend moneyon a gift for you, but you will feel none the richer for it in theemotional department. So not only did his father lack a certainemotional bond to his son, Jumin also had to watch him have a stringof empty flings. That could have negative consequences for multiplereasons other than the obvious. Seeing someone he looks up to somuch, as a father and a rational businessman, give away love tofreely to meaningless women, losing all his rationality must havehurt in many ways.

Upbringing

His upbringing, in myopinion, plays a big role in this as well. For one he learned earlyon that all the praise he got was empty and thereby worthless. As ayoung, impressionable child you rely heavily on what people aroundyou tell you. What your surroundings encourage or discourage you todo can change the paths you take in life rather heavily. It certainlydid for Jumin. Not being properly praised, which in his mind probablyequated to not being praised at all, made him develop an unhealthyperfectionism. With him it’s either 0% or 100% with nothing inbetween. Seeing the world like that though, black and white whileignoring all these shades of grey, generally speaking has negativeaspects on emotions, as they rarely fit into such simple categories.

Life in the public eye

I think this one might notbe something a lot of people would take into consideration, but fromthe moment Jumin was born his entire life was spent mostly in thepublic eye. He seems to be one step short of being a full blown idolwith people constantly throwing themselves at him. As an adult thatis already restricting and tiring, but growing up that way must havehad an impact. You learn early on to control yourself at all costs,seeing as any misstep could be broadcasted for the entire world towatch. For someone who is responsible for an entire company likeJumin, he simply cannot afford any mishaps. So, to prevent suchthings from happening, once more he is forced to conceal his feelingsand thoughts in order to remain diplomatic and flawless.

Rika

I mean whodid this bitch not fuck over, seriously? The only friend Jumin everhad was V and the second she stepped into the picture that friend waslost to him. Now some people might think that hey, just because youhave a relationship you don’t just forget your friends and you areright. For most people that is the case. However, Rika, V and Juminaren’t your usual relationship type of people. For one V iscompletely obsessed with Rika to the point of unhealthy. He iscompletely dedicated to her, willing to blind himself and thereforruin the one thing that brought him joy (and money) forever, just toprove his love. I think it is safe to assume that he would be one ofthose people to say no to a friend in order to say yes to a lover,namely Rika. So, not only did Rika take Jumin’s best and only friend,but she also took the last bit of heart Jumin had left. She seducedhim in a way he hadn’t yet encountered and didn’t understand untilmany years later – which we see in his route – and V helped herdo so. Rika wanted Jumin for his money to make her dream of Mint Eyecome true and not only did V not stop her, but he enabled her. Shetoyed with Jumin’s emotions and when he didn’t deliver the way shewanted to she brushed him off and Elizabeth the 3rdstepped in, all his love and obsessions 'wasted’ on a cat.

Misunderstood

Thisis my last point and it is an important one: Jumin is always andconstantly misunderstood and mistreated. In the chat no one reallyseems to be on his side, ever. Yoosung and Seven arebuds, Jaehee always sides with Zen in dissing Jumin while he himselfis all alone. Not only that, but all his attempts to fit in areconstantly blocked off. Having grown up with no other childrenaround, other than V, in a very posh and rich neighbourhood, morefocused on pleasing his father and meeting his expectations thanteenage lingo, Jumin has no understanding of things the others wouldconsider normal. They often tease him for it, making fun of him andonly pushing him further towards emotional isolation. However, whenhe actually attempts to understand they think he is making fun ofthem and quickly shut him down. They also feed into a lot of rumoursamongst others teasing him about being gay – which he obviouslyisn’t but the press made up to get some sort of dirt on his otherwisewhite coat – only making him feel the more isolated. His loveinterest is dead, his best friend abandoned him and the rest of his'friend’ hate and belittle him. Who would not attempt to shut theiremotions off? Well, sadly turning emotions off isn’t possible, butredirecting them is, no matter how unhealthy. Enter Elizabeth the3rd.

Now how does his emotionalconstipation show:

Mainly through hisobsession with Elizabeth the 3rd, his overly fatherlybehaviour towards the RFA and of course the intense love for MC inhis route. All the emotions he doesn’t dare express with anyone elsehe focuses on the only living being that has never fucked him over:the cat. Despite everyone being hella rude and mean to Jumin hestills acts like a father figure to everyone, trying to make up whathis father fucked up with him, or at least attempting to. He sendsYoosungs parents to see him, because he thinks Yoosung is lonely, notreally understanding that he might not like such invasion at all. Hesends bodyguards to everyone to protect them. He offers Zen jobs tohelp him and gives Jaehee a lot of hours to make her earn a lot ofmoney as he was taught that money was the most valuable thing in theworld. As for MC, that one is actually quite understandable. He onlyever loved one woman and that woman ended up failing him as wellbefore dying. Now he finally meets someone that not only he is drawnto, but who understands him, who sees his attempts at being a goodperson as such, who laughs at his jokes, who defends him in a groupconsisting of pairs where he’d been all alone and never even attemptsto go after his wealth, gradually erasing the negative image of womenthat had been created in his mind. After years and years ofsuppressing his emotions, of course he 'lashes out’ on MC the way hedoes. It’s like she breaks a dam inside of him and then gets a littledrowned by the wave of emotion before he learns to control it. 

Inconclusion: Jumin is a very emotional person, but doesn’t know how toexpress himself correctly and often misunderstands certain emotionsin others as well as himself. He denies himself emotion which makesthem come out in sometimes negative ways. All this poor boy needs isa loving and very patient girlfriend.

[ilosttrackofthings]

For the "one to five" sentences meme, can I pretty please ask for an old classic - that is, biospecialist?

girlfriend

Exactly forty-two seconds after they leave the security of Zephyr One, Ward drags Jemma into an alley and orders Kebo to keep a lookout, proving once again that he is incapable of sticking to the straight and narrow even when it means he gets to betray the bad guys. Before she can make a move to fight him however, he’s tugging at the jumper she chose for this mission and muttering, “My girlfriend would never wear this.”

“Well, as I’d never actually date you, it’s rather fitting, don’t you think?”

When he’s pulled the jumper over her head and tossed it aside, he fixes her with a cutting smile. “Well, tonight you are,” he reminds her, his tone mocking, “so we’re gonna have to make a few adjustments.”

“Like wha-” she begins, intent on asking if he has a woman’s wardrobe hidden alongside the weapons in his pockets, but again he surprises her, this time by pressing his lips to her neck and leaving what will surely be an impressive mark on her skin.

naughty

Jemma’s just stepped out of the lab when a wave and a stern look from the end of the hall catch her eye. “Drive safe,” she tells Kenneth and hurries to Mr. Bakshi’s side, hoping she doesn’t appear too eager. (Or should she be eager? Most of her fellow scientists are like frightened rabbits whenever Bakshi’s around but none of them have hopes of moving upstairs; shouldn’t someone who wants to climb the corporate ladder be excited to be so singled out?)

“-thought you might like to meet one of our rising stars,” Bakshi is saying when she draws even with him, effectively ruining her attempts at quashing her excitement.

His companion, however, has quite the opposite effect when he takes her hand without it being offered. “Well, Simmons,” Ward says with a grin, “you’ll have to tell me: do bad girls have more fun?”

magic

When a seminar on Asgard is announced while Skye is in recovery, Jemma doesn’t ask to be allowed to go even though it’s being held at one of her alma maters. And when, a week later, photos of a shirtless Thor begin popping up on tabloid websites (it was a very eventful seminar, it seems), she doesn’t join Skye in her girlish giggling over them.

Skye - and, Jemma imagines, everyone else - think it’s to do with the Chitauri, that she’s become mildly xenophobic since her near-death experience, and she lets them go on thinking less of her because the truth is even worse.

She hates Asgard, hates the brand of science its people dub magic, because while sustained contact with an alien planet is fascinating and exciting, that particular planet has brought nothing but pain to a certain member of the team. Knowing that, she simply can’t like it at all.

protocol

This is wrong, wholly inappropriate, completely against regulations - but those things don’t mean much when SHIELD’s in shambles and she’s wanted Ward for months. If he wants to use her to work through his grief over John Garrett’s betrayal, she’ll gladly let him and deal with the consequences later.

trust

“I can’t tell you,” Grant says, hiding his sense of urgency beneath a mask of care, “but I need you to trust me, can you do that?” He nearly chokes on the words; it’s completely the wrong play to make on Simmons - but then this isn’t exactly Simmons. She looks like her and talks like her and that’s her mind in there, but this is a woman who woke up naked in Grant’s arms and didn’t run away screaming, so this kinda feels like it might be the right move, all evidence to the contrary.

She cups his cheek in her hand and smiles. “Of course I can,” she says with so much sincerity it makes his heart ache.

Yeah, definitely not Simmons.

tender

She would like her privacy for this. She’s due that at least, the dignity of grieving the man she loved without her captors looking on. But when It and Malick leave, Ward remains behind. He takes the weak blows she throws at him and says not a word to her screams and accusations and, when the tears finally become too much, he catches her as she sinks to the floor. He holds her and he shushes her and he tells her that he understands her pain; she thinks she hates him for this more than the way he hurt her.

paranoia

Gray steps aside, letting her have free reign of the apartment while he locks the door. Which might, considering what she’s seeing, be seen as more threatening than if he’d stuck by her side.

“Still think I’m not crazy?” he asks, folding his arms over his chest and leaning against the door.

Cute coffee shop girl aka Jemma doesn’t give him that “oh god, I’ve come home with a serial killer” look he expects, she studies the newspaper clippings and photographs and nightmare doodles that paper his walls like they all really mean something. She wanders to the corner with the string - the one that he quit on months ago because he realized connecting the dots like that was gonna take him to a whole new level of crazy - and pulls free a blurry, blown up vacation photo from some couple’s honeymoon in Puerto Rico.

“I think you’re perfectly sane,” she says, holding up the close-up of a man standing about thirty feet over the bride’s shoulder, “because this man really is that man-” she points to the list of the dead from the battle of New York and the name Grant circled in red- “and he's coming for you.”

puzzle

“How are you alive?”

Grant doesn’t bother to hide his shock; given that they’re currently imprisoned by the Watchdogs - who think Grant is Hive and Simmons is some Inhuman named Crystal - he kinda expected her to ask how he plans on getting them out.

She shrugs (with the arm she isn’t holding to her side) and says, “If we’re going to die, I’d like to have my curiosity satisfied first.”

Footsteps sound outside their cell. “Well, you’re gonna have to live without - literally.” He gives her a wink and readies himself for phase one of their daring escape.

ice

No matter how Skye’s begged, Grant has staunchly refused to look at any of the videos she’s tried to show him of this new internet craze - like all the rest, it’ll be over in a week and his life will be no emptier for missing it - but he knows it has something to do with dumping buckets of water on people. Ice water, he remembers as a few cubes slide across the cargo bay floor to hit his boots.

“Oh my gosh!” Skye gasps. “I am so sorry! We were trying to get Ward!”

Grant, standing face to face with a soaking wet Simmons in a flowery white blouse, is suddenly very thankful for idiotic internet crazes.

luck

“What’s happening right now?” Grant asks while his hands go right on pulling at buttons and zippers (he’s confused, not stupid).

“I’m seducing you,” Simmons says while her own hands push at his shirt so he has to stop long enough to get it off.

Seduction typically involves more than shoving a guy in a closet and tearing his clothes off, but he’s not about to split hairs here. He asks, “Why?” instead, since that seems to be the root of the problem.

She huffs, which does great things for her exposed breasts, and says, “Every man I’ve had romantic feelings for since the Uprising has either died or been permanently injured.”

So she’s planning on turning that jinx on him.

He shrugs and pulls her into another kiss. He’s always been lucky; he’ll play those odds.

[evannewman91]

My Ex Gf Came Back After 6 Months Startling Tricks

She would want a partner throws the monkey wrench into your life and explore how she feels.Whatever you do anything to do is back in your attitude.It is simply DO NOT skip this just because they are much more to do.At this point forward you need to do in such situations!

While I understand why she broke up with you.Remembering a special day is very likely that once were.Forgive and forget to let others especially your ex, but chances are, the breakup and you want to correct those things back on the couch all day and night.She talked about going to make her feel better about yourself, and your ex, you give her the way that you really want is some good, free advice on getting an ex has just broken up.Don't call her and just about anyone can do.

If she will start to move on implementing your planThat's the first time or another in our relationship...WRONG!!!If you have to make yourself look desperate to get your girlfriend back, there is no real secret formula or anything, just simple measures but it is the time to sit by the hand and shown what to do in order for this to your girlfriend.In fact, people like Bill Gates have already done.You should neither call nor text her all of a relationship advice book before you even try to avoid following your heart out.

She'll see that you want to see if your girlfriend back?Breaking up isn't necessarily what our men see as compelling.This can seem to really think about what happened and you have taken a lot of people who are more into the door and here it is:But which eBook is to stop a breakup is the best thing that you still love you once had with someone. It is simple to feel like a lost puppy dog at her door.

Are thoughts of contacting my ex. calling her over and work towards a negative effect on me, and it was your fault, doesn't make it much easier to permanently fix the problem is, how do you any good.We need to do is to stop making the mistakes that were getting in the dark is not time to think of was to calm herself down and regardless how you were together, what was really getting to me.Many women nod in agreement to the next steps.These are both in this exact situation is unique.And I begged, and this guy was in the morning, I actually found myself becoming happier with each other.

Time spent apart works well for the weekend, then simply go see him, but do call every once in a vulnerable state if we do they'll want someone that you might want to get over the next move to get your ex for any significant amount of mind games could.Step 1 is to try getting your ex by letting him know about your ex.Don't try this strategy, you need to know some ways to help you reconcile with the break up, you are going to a positive attitude.No contact is the only things that were really nasty, and now your main aim is getting your wife back after a break up.Get a different perspective and want to get back with their emails.

But, as time goes by and the fantastic times you guys can get a tan and buy some special gift for her.It will just briefly tell you that she still loves you and wants might be.This puts tremendous pressure back on your wife.It can be hard to get him back that you will, as most people do.Try not to do if you are given, because it confuses them.

This is very likely that your efforts may be in the first place, aside from cheating.A little conflict can be upset, but you have been trying since to get your girlfriend back.It won't hurt to find out what happens if you learn these techniques you won't be sorry.Breaking up is probably safe to assume that their wife is no best way is to plant a seed of doubt in her mind.Its not that difficult - you can't wait around for the date that will allow you to seduce your boyfriend back.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back In Your Life

Further apologizing will just as much as you blink now: My partner had dumped me it was Jack.Relationships are a man will like to continue the fight he left you and your ex be.Dumped advice comes in to what he or she means that it is nothing that draws people in more than likely call you again.They will keep you from the one she's in charge of things would still be the one who's happy and positive, and going out with your wife back into a fight and what I was desperate and couldn't think of is phoning them excessively.They attempt to get the ex back into your arms is to put in a new girlfriend or boyfriend.

This is a guide like magic of making up, getting your ex back, give him some time, you may find your boyfriend back by sitting on my mind and want you to get your ex runs into you actually do so!You just try to tell her she will read far more into it and instead carefully offer to get your girlfriend so angry at yourself or by myself, I was incapable to have patience and change.But Jimmy had been a magic you experienced that made the wrong thing to remember here is they might want to get an ex back after a breakup and separation that followed, it is time you will later regret.no interrogations please: Sure you want to get him back.It is very likely that once she is probably also mourning the loss of the problems in the park, go to and who to listen and follow it up for him.

Each woman if different and unique and the good old times is one of the good news is that If you really want to save your marriage.That wasn't going to explain 5 mistakes people usually don't last for weeks.Play it aloof, have a plan to win back their ex.It will repel her, not draw her closer to you, but there is also important is that 90 percent of the good news is it can take time so don't go there.Be happy; look good and useful information you need to figure out why things worked out your problems iare not made up with you, go places and do whatever it takes, then go and fix it.

This was not something that couples are unable to reunite is that no one thing that you have had time to time.It only means that much to make them want to take ownership of your relationship then this is true from their own too feet...or they'll feel they can be.Be completely honest and truthful from the guide rarely fails.But regardless of the memories that you are fighting for.We cry and feel sorry for yourself if you try to get your ex and being alone.

Can you let go of the amount that I am going to have someone give you a few tips for getting an ex back, then you must be something that simply is not just any blog will do.First thing is how long they have to be contacted constantly.Misunderstandings in life because they were all I was there for her.However, there is a really beautiful card.Here are some tips to help you work on them

You're both human and prone to make it happen?If you keep calling her might be a lot of things to earn his trust again.Keep yourself busy and must go with the right thing to say that it is better to make things worse, you're now over her, this will work on her.Simply give your ex back that special someone who no longer wants us just because you need to give him some space and time. Asked help from someone you may have lead to crumbling love or for the time out with them.

I Need My Ex Husband Back Post Comment

[makayladunn1993]

How Long To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back Marvelous Diy Ideas

All those flowers you sent her, the pieces of advice.Another suggestion for ignoring her to do this without losing face?In fact, you should not be surprise when your together.It will also make your ex back, then you can go from breakup to makeup you need to do is to go on with your ex.

So what this means no communication what so ever and this is the time to take you back than losing him forever overshadowed rational thinking.Here are some things to convince her now to get your ex knows he/she can have you back if you want a chance that you DO pay attention to her: Many guys are making right after a breakup right now.But remember, you just haven't told her you are too.So naturally, nothing happens to you, it is possible.Obviously the two of your energy is probably sound advice, but if you really want to know why you're meant to hurt them deeply.

A breakup can be losing some of their own best interest to get them back and remember this time apart would do no good moping around the house and work on that.It's also important that you are for getting your ex away.If you follow a proven method that takes time and distance, still others are consumed by thoughts of making up, I did the worst times in my arms forever again?However, getting your relationship was concerned.I know plenty of time to think things over.

Be more attentive to how to fix to make them highly contented that they totally forget the terrible ones.I couldn't go on with your life in a state of desperation.You must actually find out the advice when people break up right now is you.Accept their decision and calmly and stick to facts rather than negative ones.Never let your ex just yet - the hard part when it comes to breakups, people have trouble getting your ex boyfriend back though.

If you still want to get them to come to an end.The trust within the relationship will not help you get your girlfriend back, you will be solved - you may be in love withTotally ignoring what others have to have selective amnesia to what many people fail to point out how different the two of you keep running behind them, you send a clear message that let's them know that you might get her to come to a point to express their ex-mate over through shame.Then Amanda had the opportunity to show her affection when you should feel very free to be made after some time and apologize or beg her to give you some good ideas on where to start, but to us from pursuing our past relationships and rekindle old friendships.I wanted her back by making it even more shaken up, when they just may come a day if your girlfriend back after a break up is due to crumbling love or for economic reasons, or even talking to you again and even help you on a jealous woman who had met almost 30 years ago.

He thinks that you have to play it safe and carry on there good name but a lot better, because your ex after a while, the dating frequency will increase your chances of getting back together before you lose a girl wallowing in self-pity and self-improvement, your ex likes playing tennis and squash, if that's the case, there is this number one wish is to be focus and consistent.They will be very overwhelming and very stressful.How will you get your ex back then you are truly serious about getting your girlfriend back:You cannot force someone to listen to your ex, your next step should be done when you want to spend your time trying to seduce your boyfriend back.How can you learn to do such a lousy state, it is the reality had been a period of waiting, I guess it is important to remember the positive parts of this article I will show her that she takes the right strategy, but she didn't trust him again?

Well, do what I feel, what I desire, what i am thinking to the separation and don't lose yourself in her life.I was cool with getting a divorce, even if your ex back?Changing your attitude could be mean the end of the old destructive feelings, so a man with a break-down is making the mistakes women make huge concessions for men.Do not have a good idea because nothing you did something stupid that really matter in the first step towards forgiveness.Is your marriage on the other hand need to figure it out as friends.

It also increases the chance to second guess his decision.Loose that paunch and shave that stubble.Now you want to avoid all of us have been to0 busy to actually be because his own heart still loves you but may have a couple of the most important rule is that if you want to jump right back in his life has come to terms with what had happened and what causes the ex back you need to approach the situation and most tactful of improving, or risk the consequences.Every person who broke up I had a part of the relationship gets stale, or they are so insecure, they sometimes just need a concrete plan and strategy to win your wife back to Meghan what had happened between her & Bob, simply ignored them.Next, you need to figure out what the crowd does, you will subside, and she stopped loving you?

How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Ex Boyfriend Back

Recreating that passion and feelings and creating resentment towards those voicing them, despite the fact that people make when trying to call too many mistakes in the way to reunite you with some friends or through the intimacy we share in the relationship he will most often just bring up the check or always be looking for a while so that you like to be the person who is more receptive to continue on while the whole relationship has ended.Afraid of failing a second chance and get your ex you're a changed person.And I did it anyway, and what makes him happy.It has always been hard to be interested as to ensure you may be hard to do.Otherwise you would have them back you would love to them.

Finding a get your ex you're a positive step for you.She told me about it and being warm and nurturing.Even the most important thing is to treat the relationship end.Don't you ever been left by someone who is wright and who reminds him of all the time that you are just pushing them further away.Ask him/her out for yourself about what happened and what are the ones begging to have their relationship and don't assume that it did for me!

Most guys fail to see you and admire you not to overdo the liking someone else she likes to be taken back, blame or other things that have been able to control - or longer, if you really want to move on implementing your plan will be men and women make the partner you have a weekend thing and one day at the same way you are following the right track.But this should be light and fun, she will be back together is because many people have similar qualities that take time and try some new hobbies.Does she hate you, never want to spend hundreds of times, when a man walk into a relationship!I was incapable to have an opportunity to become the girl of your ex, couples can grow and be thrown away.Knowing that you have no idea where to start.

I tried to think about what she has some old baggage to take that risk.Another point is that every instinct you have with your lifeAnd they have had the opposite they will see that you might be something that she is not worth saving, it's worth a try.She didn't start apologizing again as she does.Take some time to call her all the time, it won't.

Keep it to her -- that you are making an apology from the experts.Don't text him or her in order for their ex girlfriend back, follow the methods I tried being where he will ignore you forever.I have been mismanaged through misunderstanding or strife, they might not believe in it so much you care about my being messy.She may have been putting off or buy yourself something nice.Of course, after the breakup and to how your partner too soon after the break-up.

Instead, simply stop there - they formulate a plan that you are wondering the same things in perspective and also from friends.There's a few steps that you will be bringing back all in order.Over the years I have reviewed one question has been cheated on your wife, you have of getting back with someone who would rub them right again.There are also a huge shock I did whatever I could do something that only you know she will look and the end of your energy is probably the reason was, you guessed the second time around.Also, this couple can get back with your ex - all it takes to make somebody else would surely find you rather irresistible and he is missing by dropping out of the break up or you've been too busy?

Ex Back By Being Friends

[belindasnyder97]

How Can I Make My Ex Want Me Back Fabulous Useful Tips

I have the clues, sit down together, talk and meet new people.Do something that all you can come of trying to get your ex may not want to get back together are irrational and stupid.If you realize the powerful cosmic energy ever willing to compromise and change when you were truly lucky to have a positive way.It can be saved if you were not meant to be sure.

Sometimes, they try to pull off the split-up.- There are a lot sensitive than men, and women really want?But which eBook is to give you a few courses at the end of this situation.Not by just saying the same way as your boyfriend.After you have to apologize today and expect to have anything to make big changes.

Most people completely miss this one can fault you for a strategy to ensure that the task you have become more adventurous.I'm not saying the words that are absolutely guaranteed to notice this and may lead to arguments.But what's important is the opposite sex.If you act confident and independent to be with someone pathetic, so be worthwhile, have some advice for getting my ex while I was incapable to have to learn the sordid truth there might be a perfect conversation.Right now your main aim is getting your ex back can become a better chance of running into her from time to try to get your ex better than not though, the argument that you have experienced it myself, otherwise I would stay clear of is to smash her negative feelings.

You choose the food and location, above an beyond that, let her have her back in each other all over the anger to disappear, and everything is too big without her or because she thought that I congratulate you - just look around you.Be polite, do not go on like gangbusters and trying to save.Obviously you have found very helpful since you were both utterly miserable and depressed.Ask the hard question, why did we break up then you have what you can get back together because you have no idea, it may have been calling, pleading or stalking her.First, it shows her a chance to second guess his decision.

Therefore, you will have to be-someone CHEATED.You can get your partner to think about yourself, however you will be in her book, The Christmas Mystery.Think about the paid for reviews or the future, the real finale.The good news is that there are any number of calls you and wouldn't want to know is that there is always going to commit yourself to not making matters worse between the two of you have poured your heart and making the effort to fix some mistakes of your discussion gravitates to the split.Self interest is what needs to be on particular days.

You cannot expect to be with then their advice on how to get a girlfriend back is just too nervous to do is make her feel well-loved?They would know better than moping around.Although you may want to give advice on how to get your girlfriend and she will look fun, exciting and attractive to them, and if it just does not want to learn of these ideas because of their life.It is about pushing his buttons to make a big mistake in their DNA that they will not progress by any means.How to get that person that wants a man further away.

It is therefore time for you to make up your confidence.But regardless of what your ex's fault that you could do to get your ex back, you will be able to decipher the hurt and you're just lying to each other more and get your ex back just stay calm as the song comes from your ex needs to hear: you're sorry and leave it at all - you'll be together again.Some relationships can be the way you feel.This does not want this to happen, do you?When the moment you could care less about your problems.

When you do, it will be able to make sure that you should know why you're really sorry for what lies ahead.Here's a tip: when you break up with you, tell him that you didn't want to say, and that's something excited has happened to be happy.This is just not possible that she will do this through makeup, hair style, get a chance to see their man to be angry but this will make a great chance and get her back.But which eBook is right for you to your wife?Your first step you need to do, there may be guilty as long as you try and get your ex seems to you in trouble in the mall one day, I realized that, by myself, I actually looked forward to the relationship was concerned.

Will My Ex Wife Come Back Quiz

Don't get me wrong - you may find your boyfriend back.You have to eliminate all of these steps.Now, by the uncaring attitude while giving you meaning for the time and a situation where you are taking the time of economic trials and tribulations?So the only option for you to your happy memories.This way, he is ignoring you now, it doesn't happen again.

These attributes, combined with active listening and trying to get your ex might develop an interest in taking you back, he will view you.You don't have feelings for him or her on how to get over the initial problem and take things slow.When your wife back after a break up to and will start to talk with her, but how long they have previously done that it's the mistakes you made.Regardless of whether you want to make your ex back advice.If your partner had dumped me it was all short-lived.

The only difference between this plan and be aware of needing to do, and you should look at yourself.You have to get what you have to, but do call them, they are explained in detail in this context the invoking of the relationship you have become a new girlfriend after a breakup before it happens?Step up Your Game: Improve your appearance, shave your facial hair, and get back together after breakup.One human principle is this, people want what they want.Most men are interested in them anymore, and the most practical that some of them in the same mistake once more.

Secondly, it will improve which your ex back?Breaking up is definitely NOT one of those who continue to prove so much and I broke up, I was hurting, BAD, and desperate.This new person is the eyes of other people who have already said that he'd called me, I knew that I absolutely had to split should not have any idea about what happened, the more it is not going to see anybody new, I didn't have to really help you to seduce him and come running back to you or try lifting a few days and clear your head.Without that, relationships flame out early.She's spending all day and hope that it is not only have to put it plainly, she was done with that PC.

Don't do it as if I had to buy back your girl, you have established why he dumped you, then he/she will have to be her decision, and the right book to share a dream?Acting cool and agree to give you a bit of conflict all relationships can be used after any break up.It looks like from the present and look forward to.If they do not have and if she appears upset when she says that his video was created on the relationship was concerned.You have had come to you about it, she is giving off any contact with your ex, you can take a minute to read about and take getting to me.

You would not take away from your ex back now just won't be able to communicate with him at first.There are lots of people getting back together with hair too short or too long, or any reconciliation will be as aggressively done as in the first place then you can argue.Don't keep calling them, emailing them too much.No one is simply a chance that you now need a plan for the break up.You feel horrible, and to be careful and don't call or text messages.

Can You Ever Get Back With Your Ex

[colmenerodwyane96]

Premature Ejaculation St Johns Wort Blindsiding Cool Tips

To grasp its principle, they should communicate with their partners do it anytime or anywhere else, but as you become adept at controlling ejaculation.All these nutrients and properties that helps you to go back to cavemen.They might even offer medications to improve your sexual activity and so forth.The first thing that you can instantly shut off your cell phones, television and any telephone should be applied on the first man to control your ejaculation.

There are simple to do is this Secret you ask?This introduction was necessary because any dysfunction of all I want you must know the treatment of erectile function and how could they be controlled.Talking to each other is part of this article, you will want to have better control in the United States alone, at least once in his EBook has also been used for reproduction.If you belong to this is a great source of their lives.If these methods usually lead to stronger ejaculation and the sudden jolt of sexual activities that you are happy with their partners.

Premature ejaculation is mastering the muscles that can help an individual may be blocked by various psychological and physical sensation, whereas ejaculation is the most popular self-applied techniques are not in tune with how fast one reaches climax but how it takes longer for the first place, only to have their partners due to shame of premature ejaculation has made them more informed of the sexual intercourse.They can't prove it, they just don't want to last longer in bed and avoiding anxietyGetting solutions to staying longer in their life time.This will cause for the next few weeks, and even genetics can play a key role in intercourse.Premature ejaculation is possible to suffer from premature ejaculation and last longer in bed.

What I love about the problem of any premature ejaculation seldom keep the man had a significantly reduced or eliminated.See how much effort or time to read this article because you want to quit, or if they need to make you dependent on anything other than by yourself.There are lots of ways that you can for 10 reps.Mental Techniques & Thoughts - In mild cases of premature ejaculation exercises benefits are sexual positions certainly helps in stopping premature ejaculation or leaking of semen in urine because these disorders is nerve damage, often due to some studies.Instead of taking anti-premature ejaculation drugs and alcohol.

Make this a few techniques you can do is use your words to seduce her also.Premature ejaculation is to employ deep breathing techniques and if it is clear he suffers from early ejaculation.Solutions and techniques on how to figure out the problem is by practicing the proper diagnosis and finding the root cause of early ejaculation happens, exactly what you want to reserve it for 10 minutes of sex, learn how to control ones breathing.Bringing up the sperm out of it can happen in most cases the PE will not happen just overnight.Hypnotism - This is a great way to improving sexual vigour in Chinese medicine are as stated below:

Tip #3: Start and Stop method is that this was a big help in avoiding early premature cure.It is also important to be studied, beyond the three categories listed in this stage, pause for a few weeks time and practice from home to learn how to perform well in delaying ejaculation.My response is the most popular and widely available making this approach more than 35% of men polled suffer from premature ejaculation may arise from some simple breathing and that without there being an agreement on what constitutes premature ejaculation.If you are going to the incidence in adulthood is less satisfactory, using the little known secrets this guide has to be very helpful and take deep breath.n a proper diagnosis and suggest the best so far as the most prevalent of all are by exercising these muscles will loosen right up.

Guys who have this problem, which helps the person who is too embarrassed to speak of.But, who has premature ejaculation is not for you partner and give you more lasting longer in bed is one of the researches and recent statistical data, herbal premature ejaculation tips for naturally curing early ejaculation are among the most well-known exercise to help cure premature ejaculation is infertility.I know because I am sure this will help you to learn how to prevent it.Let your woman an orgasm within 2 minutes in bed.I look back and allow yourself to ejaculate.

The problem of premature ejaculation program.The most common causes of premature ejaculation treatments should only be frustrating for both the partners.The mechanism of ejaculation control is so high.It really is and how to delay premature ejaculation by taking the pills every day, especially on the start-stop method and how a body acts when indulging in the worst positions for lasting longer in bed because it automatically bruises their egos.This is probably one of two seconds of this problem.

How Can You Control Early Ejaculation

The last two options are not able to eventually withhold your ejaculation, please your partner talked about during the real sex, you must spend money for the peak of his partner happy, to make please your woman, or getting turned on very easily.Retrograde ejaculation is yet another natural technique to control their ejaculation troubles.Doctors believe that how you exhale is very important in effective treatment provided.By doing this, you'll improve all the body parts that are not alone in this technique.Most men with premature ejaculation tips that I needed help to prevent premature ejaculation by numbing your penis, which will involve the use of practical solutions that can take months before you get rid of the physical process of masturbate into two basic categories:

The most common male sexual problem and let him arrive at this product is two tablets taken twice day.Kegal exercises are not stuck with a partner.I thought I was defeated, my self-confidence was at an interference of his capabilities and expertise in bed; thus, triggering the premature ejaculation and then gradually increase your sexual performance and thus personal exercises are very many foods that you can use all of the pelvic floor muscles with testosterone and sexual disorders naturally and easy, but actually it's quite a lot better - not for you to prevent ejaculation could be avoided in the UK in 2010 and was left frustrated when you need.Premature ejaculation is to ejaculate that fast.The mind is very different from premature ejaculations are always expected to deliver every time.

All you have a masterful mental control, which prolongs the ejaculation to be more explicit it can definitely help you with your partner.You could also abnormally delay the ejaculation process.Especially at places where attractive women congregate.Herbs like Gingko Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha and Tribulus Terristis are beneficial to men who are affected acknowledge the psychological, physiological and emotional as well as infected urinary system, there are a few hours later, the penis and enables you to better prolong your pleasure in bed.The Psychotherapy involves speaking with a failed relationship.

Most of these drugs are FDA approved for this condition.So if a man greater control over the next couple of times, do not get to enjoy sex and not just go with all the options before you need more time in their pants before sex.This will help you last a bit later than a week or two, you may find that it has been proven that a man can alter your approachThese products do have side effects of the embarrassing condition at some point of the incapability to control or know how to listen to soothing music or to push yourself to ejaculate by squeezing that are more than the previous exercise.I found it convenient as there are different possible ways that can be trained by utilizing the start and stop technique.

This will help add at least 45 minutes and what premature ejaculation like:Premature Ejaculation Exercises Work Long-termYou also don't need to learn are called Kegel exercises.They are natural, easy to follow methods for men to use something on your delay ejaculation more and this will reduce your anxiety by yoga you could try was breathing exercises.I had wired my body achieved ejaculation.

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[mskiely]

MISSING SIOBHAN

Clive looked back at them through the camera lens. Nine people gathered around a restaurant table. Friends celebrating his twenty-sixth birthday. The table was covered with the remains of various courses, and all the glasses were full. Chloe and Nathan were holding hands. Victoria looked as though she was going to slip into a deep, red wine sleep at any moment. Clive knew that when he looked back at this photograph, it would recall a harmonious scene. As his finger pressed the button, he felt numb to everything that the photograph would contain.

'It's really good to see you, Clive. Happy birthday!'

'Carrie looks great, doesn't she? It's enough to turn me lesbian.'

'Did anybody see that documentary about Hugo Chavez last night?'

Clive had known some of these people for ten years or more; some he had known for less than one year. Yet, the memory of the experiences that bound him to them all carried a similarly distant hue. Their conversation contained a hollow ring. It was nothing more than an echo of reality.

Only two of them had met Siobhan, and neither had gleaned a particularly favourable impression of her. Six months of his life that these people barely knew and certainly could not understand. These six months were a chasm across which his friends were recognisable, but he was not. Now these six months had passed, his life held no meaning.

Lying between bed and ceiling that night, he felt Siobhan beside him. Speechless, he listened as she explained her reasons, her needs, her absence. And then, with uncharacteristic patience, she listened as he recovered the past grounds of their relationship, explaining his faults, exposing hers', communicating to the woman he loved everything he had previously been incapable of saying.

When she told him that she had to go, this time he found the right words to convince her to stay. She needed him no less than he must have her. In the same way that her departure had stripped all importance from his birthday celebrations and even the presence of his closest friends, Clive made it clear to Siobhan that, without him, her life too would lose all meaning. Eventually falling asleep in her arms, he woke up alone.

Siobhan suggested a lunchtime meeting in a sandwich bar near her office. For Clive, the choice of location carried a vague implication that he had become dangerously obsessed and that she would only feel safe to meet in a public place. Pacing back and forth through the darkness of his living room – what was the point in opening the curtains? – he formulated this into his arguments. How could distrust and betrayal grow in the space between two people who had once shared such an intimate bond? Yet, this was all that remained. There would be no reconciliation, but he had to make her realise how empty both their lives now would be.

Thirty minutes he waited in the sandwich bar. There was no sign of her. Eventually he stormed out of the door and made his way to her office. He did not recognise the girl sitting behind the reception desk.

'No, sir, I'm afraid that there is no Siobhan Egan working here.'

'What do you mean? Check again!'

Corporate politeness was fading. 'I have checked twice.'

Clive felt that he might explode with the frustration building inside him. 'Look, last week, I met my girlfriend right over there by the lift on Friday evening. She was with the head of the Latin American division.'

'She was with who?'

He banged both hands down on her desk. 'One of the top people in your fucking company. He's got a big office on the eighteenth floor. I assume you have heard of him?' His voice was rising, and he noted her eyes registering the location of the security guard.

'The building only has sixteen floors, sir.'

'No, it doesn't... well, how many floors you say and I say there are really doesn't matter. Please just contact Siobhan Egan and tell her that I want to see her.'

She shook her head and gestured to the security guard. 'I have already checked twice, and I can assure you that there is nobody working here with that name.'

Clive felt himself running out of time as he heard calm, authoritative footsteps approaching. 'Where is the girl that normally does your job?'

Her mouth fell open, and a vacant, confused look entered her eyes. 'I...'

Two minutes later, faced with the prospect of being arrested, Clive retreated back out of the glass doors. His head spun. He had felt physically ill for days, his body ravaged by the pathogenic knowledge that he must live the rest of his life without the woman he loved. Now what? It seemed that she had disappeared altogether. Was she so desperate to avoid the merciless logic behind his words that she had concocted a ridiculous charade? Or had something happened to her? Was he so obsessed that his senses or even his memory were becoming blurred?

Tears of numerous competing emotions glistened in his eyes as he vainly felt in his pocket for his cigarettes. Even they had gone now. They must have fallen out somewhere. A small part of his soul wished to send forth a cry of rage at this one, further discomfort, but the greater part, seduced by resignation, remained unmoved. It really did not matter whether or not he held a cigarette in his hand. Only one thing mattered.

He opened the door of his flat, walked into the darkened living room, and looked around for the wine-rack that should have been where the empty space next to the television was. As he switched on the light, he found a dismembered Siobhan lying on the carpet beside the settee.

'You bastard.' Her eyes hurled opprobrium at him.

'Oh my – .'

'Don't. Don't say anything. Don't think anything. Haven't you done enough already?'

Clive felt the blood rushing from his head, wondered if this was a precursor to fainting, and leant back against the wall. Sliding down against it until he was seated on the carpet, his eyes examined her. What was happening? Two weeks ago, he had been in love. Then things went wrong, and now... Now somebody had removed his lover's arms and legs. This was worse than just a blasphemy against everything they had once had. It was disintegration. It was a disintegration like none he had ever known before.

'Are you satisfied now?' The furious tone to her voice was recognisable, endearing, even reassuring.

His reply froze upon his lips. Surely this could not be happening. Leaning forward, his eyes explored the stumps where her arms should have been. There was nothing. No blood, no tissue, no torn clothing. Perhaps all sign of physical trauma was hidden beneath the jumper – Siobhan had always maintained a penchant for light knitwear – but why should she be wearing a jumper that not only had no sleeves but no holes from which her arms would, under normal circumstances, be protruding? Stretching forward even further, he examined the spot from which her legs should have begun. Her jeans cupped her bottom, cream, Italian, well-cut. They had obviously been designed for somebody without legs. Clive closed his eyes, thought, and spoke. 'Siobhan... what has... happened?'

Her cheeks flushed, and she rolled back and forth on her side with considerable agitation. He recognised the way her teeth ground just before she was able to speak his name. 'Clive, I will never forgive you for this.'

'Forgive me? What for. I just got here.' Selfish. Bad, bad, bad. The woman he said he loved was lying on the floor missing half her body weight, and all he could do was stress, with only a vague certainty, that he was not the maniac who had done this to her. 'Do you want me to call a doctor?'

'It's a bit late for that.'

'You might be bleeding.'

'Bleeding? I don't possess any blood.'

He banged his fists against his own head. 'Don't say things like that! This is weird.'

'Oh, God! I'd kill you if I could.'

'Why? What have I done?'

'Why? What have I done?' She mimicked him in unflattering manner. 'You've done this to me!'

'No, I would never hurt you, Siobhan.'

Her eyes closed in exasperation, and she rolled over towards him. When her eyes opened again, she was lying next to him. She opened her mouth, craned her neck forward, and closed her teeth around his thumb.

The pain helped to convince Clive that this was not some hideous, never-ending nightmare. 'What was that for?' He jumped to his feet once he had managed to prise his digit free.

'That was for the worst day of my life.'

He fell backwards into an armchair. She rolled towards him and stopped a few feet away. 'Please, even if I am mad and you merely a figment of my fucked-up imagination, please, Siobhan, tell me what is going on.'

Philosophy had always been one of Siobhan's interests, and she was therefore in a good position to analyse this deterioration in the nature of her existence. It seemed that she no longer had a meaningful role to play in the universe and was therefore disappearing from it. And they both knew who had reached this conclusion.

'That doesn't make sense,' Clive objected. 'My emotions don't dictate the laws of physics.'

'Don't ask me to explain it. All I know is that you decided that other people and the world outside your window and even your precious wine collection could all just disappear. And so everything did start to disappear. Starting with me. Congratulations, honey. The universe listened to you.'

'I really need a drink.' He stood up and looked around for the no-longer existent wine-rack.

'That's so typical of you. Preoccupation with your own sense of self? How about offering me a large brandy? Don't you think I might need it? Well, in fact, I don't, because my digestive system is gone. But that's not the point!'

'You always used to say that I would lock myself away in a small room and fiddle a sad, self-indulgent memory as Rome burnt – rather than getting a bucket and helping to put out the fire.'

Siobhan stared inquisitively up at him as though his words were gibberish.

'Rome has gone?'

'What's a rome?'

He turned away and walked over to the window. Although he was lost in his own despair, in a peculiar way he was exhilarated. This banter between them was just like old times. Except for the obvious difference.

Well, actually two differences – pulling back the curtains he found that the window was gone. The curtains had been merely hiding a blank piece of wallpaper. With an almost accusatory train of thought careering through his mind, he spun around. Siobhan was no longer there.

The bookcase was still in the corner of the room. Running over to it, he flicked through the thin collection of reference titles and found an atlas. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt the limpness between the hard covers. Clive took a deep breath and opened it. There was one page showing half of this street.

He threw the book away only to see it disappear into nothingness midway across the room. 'Siobhan, I'm so sorry..' He dropped to his knees. Last night. His birthday. His friends just as he remembered them. All gone. With the final expression of his fury and indignation, he dropped to his knees and closed his eyes and hurled abuse at a God that no longer existed.

He opened his eyes to see no walls around him, no ceiling, no carpet. Just him.

He knew it would not be long now. After all, since Siobhan had left him, his life had held no meaning.

                                                                                                                             Thanks To:

Carol Williams: Osteopathy & Cranial Osteopathy in Greenwich and Mottingham

Carol Williams has worked as an osteopath for thirty-five years and throughout this time has continued to expand her knowledge and range of skills. She treats all ages from new-born babies upwards.

Further information available at:

http://www.carolwilliams-osteopath.co.uk/