#VERY incorrect XD

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

thank u @ckducky for drawing funny art of charlie's silly spear jealously and making THIS mental image pop into my head XD

Vaggie: "Thanks for doing this for us again, Ms. Rosie."

Rosie: "Oh my dear you know I'm just TICKLED PINK to help!"

Vaggie: "Well we really need it."

Charlie: "No we don't. I'm acting completely normally for this situation. I am being Totally Rational."

Vaggie: "Sweetie-

Charlie: "TOTALLY. RATIONAL."

Vaggie: "Charlie, you promised you'd be open minded about this...."

Charlie: "I am open! I just also know Rosie is going to AGREE with me on this!!"

Rosie: "Ohoho I suppose we'll see about that, won't we~?"

Rosie: "Now, why don't we put that spear away, hmm? And then the three of us can settling in for a nice long chat while you tell auntie Rosie all abut it!"

Vaggie: "Uh, actually. The spear has to stay."

Rosie: "Oh?"

Vaggie: "I'm kinda just dropping it off?"

Charlie: "Dropping IT off? Oh thanks Vaggie for coming alllllll this way- for the SPEAR."

Vaggie: "Them. I'm dropping THEM off."

Rosie: "... I'm afraid I don't quite follow? You came here for relationship advice, yes?"

Vaggie: "Right. Charlie's having relationships issues."

Charlie: "IT'S NOT AN ISSUE."

Rosie: "You mean, you and Charlie are having issues?"

Charlie: "THIS IS A NORMAL LEVEL OF FRUSTRATION!"

Vaggie: "No."

Charlie: "I'VE BEEN DEALING THIS THIS FOR Y E A R S AND HONESTLY I THINK I DESERVE A MEDAL FOR IT AT THIS POINT!!"

Rosie: "Charlie and... the spear?"

Charlie: "THAT BITCH!"

Vaggie: "Yeah."

Rosie: "I feel as though I understand even less. Isn't your spear-"

Vaggie: "Inanimate, yeah."

Charlie: "Oh don't let it fool you. It knows EXACTLY what it's doing-"

Charlie: "-SEE? SEE!! Look at it GLEAMING all SMUG in the sunlight, all nice and cozy where Vaggie so very CAREFULLY snuggled it into it's own chair-"

Vaggie: "Anyway thanks again Rosie for helping I gotta get back to the hotel."

Rosie: "I.... darling, I'm not sure this quite my...."

Vaggie: (ignores her) "I'll pick th- I'll pick CHARLIE up in an hour."

Rosie: "Wait-"

Vaggie: (smooching charlie's cheek) "Try to talk things out a bit, okay?"

Charlie: "Hmph! There's nothing TO talk about!"

Vaggie: "Okay. But venting to smeone might make you feel better?"

Charlie: "...maybe."

Vaggie: "Good. That's all I care about."

Charlie: (melting) "Yeah?"

Vaggie: "Yep~"

Charlie: "All you care about huh..." (sulking) "What about the spear."

Vaggie: "Literally just a spear, babe." (smooches her again) "Have fun with this, Rosie!"

Vaggie: (leaves)

Rosie: "......"

Charlie: "......"

The spear: (is a spear)

Rosie: "....right then! For this I think, tea will NOT be precisely what we need!" (pulls out a bottle) "One shot, or two?"

Charlie: "Did you know she RUBS that thing with OIL every night?"

Roise: (smiling and nodding) "Five shots it is then~"

[spark-river]

MC: You know, I'm feeling weirdly distracted today.

Belphegor: You're supposed to be dead!

[master-muffinn]

One piece Incorrect quotes

Odd/weird conversations i had in my life but in ‘One piece theme’ (reader is female)

---

Me: *writing to my sister about embarrassing stuff but releasing that it isn't my sister i writing to* Um…who are you? And are you a girl or a boy?

Franky: I’m a unicorn with a penis! 🦄✨

-----

*Sitting and playing cards on a big rock with some friends*

Me: *needed to fart and was able to make it small and soundless* 

Chopper: Ew it stings! 

Usopp: *sniff sniff* Ew it does! Who farted!?

Me: *Having a mentally panic attack*

Luffy: It wasn't me!

Chopper: Not me either!

Usopp: Sure it wasn't! 

Zoro: It was probably Sanji! We all know he smells shit!

Sanji: NO! IT WAS OBVIOUSLY YOU!!

*guys start an argument*

Luffy: Guys maybe it was y/n who farted?

Sanji: NO! Are you sTuPiD? Girls DON’T fart!

Me: *Nodding*

*The guys continued fighting while y/n acting like nothing*

---

Kidd: You have a small penis.

Me: Sorry, a rat stole my penis the day i was born, i haven’t found it since then.

Kidd: Oh…uhh…I didn't expect that response…WELL, if i see a rat with an larger penis than it should have, i’ll let you know! 

Me: It’s ok. I have learnt to live without it, i don’t need it anymore.

---

Sanji: Did you know? You are beautiful in photos! Cuter than a mermaid! 

Me: Are you comparing me to a fish?

---

Usopp: Y/n if all the people in the world were to disappear except you and me-

Luffy: Me too, Usopp!!

Usopp: LUFFY WE ARE BOYS!! WE CAN’T BREED!!

Me: …🤨

---

Nami: What are you working with?

Me: I’m a dairy farmer. I got 19 jersey cows. 

Nami: Oh nice! Are you working tomorrow?

Me: I'm working 365 days a year! 😉 

Me: What were you planning? 😂

Nami: …

Me: But I can make some time. No problem!

[hotwings-incorrect-quotes]

*the newest heroes campaign about safe seggs just dropped, a catchline says ‘now we can protect you even in your own bedroom’ and from now on every condom pack has a pro hero face on it*

*meanwhile the league (with hawks obviously) is chilling in their hideout*

toga: *throws all the heroes condoms at the table* guys! look what i bought!

hawks: oh no...

twice: i’d rather get hiv. THIS IS SO FUN!

shigaraki: do you have any with eraserhead? ...i’m asking for a friend

spinner: *looking at shigaraki* wtf dude?

dabi: *snatches a couple of packs from the table* lemme take a look at this shit...

dabi: *he picks the one with hawks’ face on it and shows it to his birb* nice babe, what’s the catchphrase? ‘too fast for your own good’?

hawks: *his cheeks burning* dabs, stop that

dabi: *still making fun of the whole thing* protect me hero hawks!

hawks: daaabiiii

shigaraki: you guys are disgusting...

dabi: *laughing* no, no, that’s fun! but when you told me you wanted to protect people, i imagined it a little bit differently, birdy

hawks: you know, it’s not like i had a choice. besides maybe it is fun. look, we should try out this one *he shows dabi a condom with endeavor’s face on the pack*

dabi: ...now all my desire for you is gone forever. that’s not funny. i don’t like it.

hawks: *laughs getting his hand with endeavor condoms closer to dabi* no? come ooon

dabi: ewwww! stop or i will throw up!

hawks: what? you don’t like it? endeavor is SO HOT tho

dabi: GROSS!!!

[octoagentmiles]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii <333

[incorrectfatui]

Signora: One time I found a google doc on Scaramouche‘s computer with the title "list of parents that locked their newborn child in a domain“ Signora: out of curiousity, I opened the google doc.  Signora: it was completely blank except for the words "my mom".

[agent-jaselin]

Iron Bull: By the way, Varric, you write some nice fight scenes. Varric: Well, thank you. I'm surprised you think so. They're not exactly realistic. Iron Bull: I figured that out when the good guy did a backflip while wearing a chain mail shirt. Varric: And that didn't bother you?

L'Calem: What do you mean unrealistic I've seen people do that in full plate? Iron Bull: Mind passing that by me again Boss. L'Calem: Dragoon's can leap about twenty feet in the sky and then do a back flip on the landing? I've seen it a bunch of times. Varric: I'm never going to make anyone believe a single line of your memoirs Wildcat.

[lotrhobbitsilmincorrectquotes]

Finrod and Galadriel: (walking down the street) Some random guy coming up beside them: Hey there good lookin'- Finrod, without hesitation: Hey

Inspired by this post

[incorrect-starbula]

Nebula: If you tell anyone about this, I'll skin you alive, but... Quill makes me feel things.

Rocket: What things?

Nebula: Feelings.

Rocket: He makes you feel feelings?

Nebula: Yes.

Rocket:

Rocket: What a jackass.

[kindred-spirit-93]

@i-am-nefelibata i humbly offer thou a crumb of eli fanart because i adore her. enjoyeth thy muffin <3

i have no idea how i forgot i had multiple references for her and didnt think to use them lol. this was all off the top of my head, and say it with me now, on my lecture notes. its tradition at this point 😂😂

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "Mom please, PLEASE tell me I'm not dating a woman who's exactly like my dad. Please."

Lilith: "Charlie calm down. You're not."

Charlie: "OH THANK FUCK! Please explain!"

Lilith: "Your father is a short sharp-dressed depressed twink obsessed with his rubber duck collection who loves woman as if he was one, and THAT-" (points at vaggie) "-is a tiny high femme self-hating murder lady with a spear and the heart of a butch guarding the door of a gay bar."

Charlie: "....can you reassure me in words I understand?"

Lilith: "This is hell, sweetie. You can date your father's girlsona if you want to."

Charlie: "that's the opposite of reassuring me."

Charlie: "...wait. What did you just call me??"

Lilith: "? Sweetie? My pet name for you?"

Charlie: "OH NOOO-"

[sinvulkt]

Pre-OT - Cursed Noodle Vaderkin

Summary: After another reckless stunt, the Force is tired of Vader's antics and transforms him into a small dragon. It then put him on Ahsoka's path.

Era: At some point after RotS and Twilight of the Apprentice  

Characters: Darth Vader, Ahsoka Tano

Main tropes: Non consensual animal transformation (listen, i love that one), Kidnapping your fallen jedi master, Force shenanigans

---

Snippet:

Vader blinked. Or tried to. His current form did not seem to possess eyelids.

It did possess a passable set of lungs as well as six working limbs, which most people would have called an improvement. Vader did not. The sudden assault of smells, colors and heat confused his senses. Every few seconds he had to remind himself to breathe, the habit long lost in profit of going along the suit ventilator.

He had been walking in circles trying to get back to Coruscant after his last mission, only for the universe to try to stop him. First, his life support had broken under his opponent’s lightsaber blow. Then, the Jedi he had been chasing had escaped, helped by some rebels Vader had made sure would not come back. To top it all, as Vader wondered if he would die, the ventilator unable to provide crucial oxygen to his lungs, the Force had bent and twisted until it made him into this.

His reflection in water had not been much help determining his species. A porg-sized lizard of some kind, although it seemed to have wings. Vader barely attempted to move them. The additional limbs felt foreign in his mind.

Vader made another step, snarling at the branch who tripped him.

This place was filled with nothing but rats and porgs and banthas. That, and the ship he had seen landing in the distance. Vader was certain he could slither in and steal it. His current form may not have a thumb, but it would not be the first time he used the Force to pilote.

A convor dove at him, its claws scratching at Vader’s armor-scales. His wings raised by instinct as he hissed. The bird should have known better than to challenge a Sith Lord. Vader threw the Dark at it, intending to crush the impudent bird, only for his control to slip and the blow to overshoot. As it happened, all the convor felt was a breeze slightly disturbing its flight. It dove again.

Vader cursed as he slipped under a crevice. Something was wrong with the Force. He could feel it just fine, but his control was barely better than a youngling. It was as if all the midichlorians in his body had shifted. Which, looking at the paws clawing at the sandy earth of the crevice, wasn’t that far away from the truth.

“Morai?” a humanoid called.

Vader perked up. He knew that voice.

“Is anyone here?”

Memories of a young togruta laughing flashed in his mind.

Could it be…?

The convor dove again as soon as it saw Vader muzzle out of his hidhole. Vader scrambled back. That person was dead. It must have been his imagination.

Vader focused on the arrogant creature that dared make him his prey. It felt rather weird for a convor, the Light bending too unnaturally around the bird’s presence for it to not be Force Sensitive. Whenever Vader Force-pushed it, the blow dissipated before it ever reached the convor. His low control wasn’t enough to explain it.

Several seconds passed without the bird diving back at Vader’s crevice. Perhaps the accursed being had finally given up and chosen an easier meal. Tentatively, Vader dared one paw out. Boots blocked his way.

“Morai. What did you find?”

Vader scrambled back, only for fiery skin to descend on him. He definitely did not yelp as warm fingers slid beneath his belly to lift him up in the air. He bit the offending arm, but the stranger's hands held him strong.

“Ouch. You are quite a wild little one, aren’t you?” Ahsoka chuckled.

Vader stilled. His scales flattened as he bared his teeth against the truth. This sight should not be possible.

 Anakin Skywalker’s Apprentice was dead.

And yet, the buzzing bond between them whispered another true as two tattered threads reached for each other to mend. He hurried to pull back his side of the bond, but it slipped away from his grasp. Worse, their skin touching only strengthens the bond’s mending. Vader felt the moment they connected. A shiver ran down his skin as Light burned his inside. Simultaneously, Ahsoka’s eyes widened in recognition.

She held him up to her face level, lekkus twitching as she stared into what he knew must be golden eyes.

“Anakin?”

---

Plot Description:

The Force did not wish for its Son to suffer. It waited and waited, but Anakin stayed miserable under the Emperor’s thumb, barely attempting to escape. After Vader brushes with death, borderline voluntarily, the Force has enough. It calls to the rather Eldritch part within Anakin to transform him. Dragon-Vader is on the rather small side. He can be easily lifted and put on shoulders. As a Force-being, Vaderkin is very young, almost a baby. The dragon’s shape reflects that. Would it have been billions of years later, he would have been huge enough to wrap around a planet.

As per the Force terms, Vader cannot go back into human shape until he touches the light side or learns to balance properly the multiple facets of the Force. Dark and Light. Even then, he will never fully be human again, keeping draconic traits such as scales and wings. This might be of great interest to various pirates and slavers, or even to Palpatine whose apprentice suddenly became quite a bit more useful. 

Ahsoka is all too happy to see the crucial blow to the Empire through Vader’s disappearance, as well as to maybe, maybe get her Jedi-Master-turned-Sith-turned-small-dragon back. Now if only she can coax him onto the road of balance.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Incorrect Quote

Foxy: Hey Otis, guess what

Otis: You're stupid, I know, I heard the news.

[bisonandbubbles]

Tendou: So, you see... I'm a fabulous bitch–

Semi: All I see is your hair in my face would you kindly lean on someone else?

[the2fort9]

Spy, over the phone: "Turn around." Spy: "No, the other way." Spy: "Wrong way again." Scout: "Where are you?!" Spy: "At home, but the idea of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me."

[gia-batmm-crickle22]

Ar'alani: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?

Thrawn: Probably because I’m a dangerous war criminal with a long history of preemptive strikes and crimes.

Ar'alani:

Thrawn: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.