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waywardstation · 4 months

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I'm Glad You're Here

It is Akari's sixteenth birthday, and a surprise party is thrown for her. She isn't able to appreciate it as much as she wants to though, and Ingo can tell. Emmet also struggles with facing his first birthday without Ingo, but Elesa is there for him.

HAPPY (VERY LATE) SECOND ANNIVERSARY PLA!! What a wonderful game that has given me many friends and creatively compelled me for more than two years!! I tried to get this out on the date, but lots of things made it very hard to. So now it's out on valentine's day instead, so I'll just excuse it with saying this is my love letter to PLA haha, and it fits with palentine's day, as it contains a lot of appreciating friendships and found family.

I wrote this including three prompts that I had gotten, such as requesting something about Akari or Ingo dealing with their birthdays in Hisui, Ingo and Akari acknowledging the found family dynamic I write them with, and Akari talking a little more about her own family.

OR read it here on AO3!

Enjoy! —————

“Goodnight, Akari!”

“Hope you had fun at your party, Akari!”

“Happy birthday, Akari!”

Standing by the Galaxy Hall’s doors with Ember at her feet, said teen thanked partygoers and bid them goodbye as they trickled out into the chilly autumn night. Protecting themselves from the ongoing rain as best they could, they were quick to make their way down the steps and back to their village homes.

“Oh, Professor! Rei!” Turning away from bidding goodbye to Darego and thanking him for the photos he took, she saw Laventon and Rei were next to leave. “You’re heading out now too?”

“Unfortunately so,” Laventon seemed a bit sheepish, as if apologetic for leaving despite the event having already ended. “Early mornings filled with paperwork are not the most forgiving of late night festivities. Otherwise we’d stay and properly take care of that whole disaster upstairs!”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Akari waved him off with her hand. “I already said Ingo and I would take care of it! Honestly he’s probably already done by now, so it’s fine, you guys can go home! You both already did so much for me tonight with this whole party, anyways; I don’t know how you did it!”

Laventon returned the smile she gave them both with one that was twice as big, seeming very proud with the compliment. “Well it was quite a delight to finally reveal all this, I’ll say; having to keep all of it hidden from you for the last few weeks was by far the hardest part!”

“You did a good job, I had no idea until everyone shouted ‘surprise!’ , honestly.” Akari shrugged her shoulders, giving a little laugh about it. “Thank you for all of this, Professor.”

“You’re most welcome, my dear girl!” Laventon held her in a tight embrace when she stepped forward to give him a farewell hug. “Once again, happy birthday!”

“And Rei, you too; thank you so much for the party,” She next reached out to grab her friend’s arm and pull him into a hug when Laventon stepped aside.

“Well of course-!” He choked out with some strain, crushed in her sturdy grip but doing his best to return the embrace. “You deserved it!”

As the two moved out the door to head back for the night, Laventon gave one last look back, shielding his eyes from the rainfall with one hand. “I hope you have a very good night, we’ll be seeing you tomorrow!”

“Yes, goodnight Akari, happy birthday!” Rei added on, following behind.

“Goodnight, guys!” Akari made a show of waving and bidding them both goodbye, but as Laventon made his way down the steps first, she reached forward and grasped the end of Rei’s scarf, tugging him back.

“Rei, wait!” She whispered, pulling her confused colleague back to her. “Real quick-”

Before he could even protest, Akari reached around behind the Galaxy Hall’s door, and handed him a small woven basket. Holding it out, she waited for him to take it.

“Here, take these. I know the Professor would say no if I tried to give it to him. But it’s for you both, as thanks for putting this whole party together for me.”

Rei studied the basket for a moment. Quickly picking up the sweet smell coming from inside, he put his hands up. “Akari, thank you but we couldn’t take that, those are yours!”

“I know, but please; I love Radisa’s cakes, but I also have a ton of dango from Beni, and Cyllene got me all those imported pastries from the Ginko Guild, and Floaro made me a whole box of muffins…” Akari explained, numbering all the confectioneries with the fingers on one of her hands. “There’s no way I can eat all of them by myself, and I’d rather someone gets to enjoy them rather than let them be wasted!”

“Rei!” Amongst the rain, the professor’s voice called out from down by the units; he’d finally noticed he was gone. “Are you coming?”

Looking back over his shoulder at the call of his name, Akari took the chance to shove the basket into Rei’s hands, to his surprise. “Hey!”

“Uh-oh, yours now!” Akari put her hands behind her back and took a step away from him, a mischievous grin on her face — Rei was now entirely stuck with them. “Guess you gotta take them now!”

“You can’t just- that’s not fair!” Rei seemed stuck between amusement and exasperation as he looked between her and the professor’s direction, caught in the middle of two different options and no proper time to consider them. He shook his head.

“Agh, fine! Thank you for these, Akari, really-” With a free arm, Rei pulled Akari into another quick hug, before whipping around to rush down the steps, protecting the basket as best he could from the rainfall. “Coming, Professor!”

As her colleague made his way down the steps and into the rain, Akari waved him off until he disappeared. Once he was out of sight, the teen’s big smile waned into a more neutral line, and she turned to go back inside the hall. With Ember quick to follow behind as she headed for the staircase, the door closed behind her.

The drizzle continued on.

—————

“Did we miss another spot?”

Ingo glanced over his shoulder from where he stood up on a chair. Akari had entered the otherwise-vacant room, Ember at her heels while she pushed stray paper streamers aside from where they dangled.

“It appears we overlooked the ceiling,” The warden returned to the task at hand, stretching an arm back up to scrub as Akari came near to watch him. “And I’ve overestimated how stubbornly bean paste clings to surfaces once it’s dried. Would you mind holding that bucket up for a moment?”

“Even up there? Man, Beugene really did get it everywhere, didn’t he?” Akari laughed as she retrieved the bucket from the table and held it up to him – she could already hear Beuregard profusely apologizing again to her tomorrow for letting his wurmple get into (then burst out of) her cake. He really could stand to keep a better eye on Beugene, seeing as Miki’s staravia almost flew off with it the other day, but she truely hadn’t been upset at the incident. It had honestly been too impressive seeing just how much cake and paste the little Pokémon had managed to splatter all over the walls, carpet, and guests to feel mad about it.

“Thank you,” Ingo dunked his paste-covered rag into the bucket, wringing the soapy water out generously before going back to work on one last spot. A couple thorough scrapes, and the last of the cake seemed to finally be gone.

Ingo handed the rag back to Akari as she reached out to take it, having already placed the bucket back on the table. She set it aside as the warden took one last look around the room from atop the chair, a final scan. “There. While I wouldn’t be surprised if a Galaxy Team member somehow finds another spot somewhere tomorrow, that should be the last of it.”

“Ok, now get down,” Akari gestured to the floor with one hand while she held the chair with the other. “Don’t want you hurting your old man back.”

“I’m not that old,” Ingo played along with her teasing as he always did. But regardless, he began to step down with a soft grunt that did suggest some tightness, at the very least.

Normally, Akari would have pursued it with more of her usual teasing, like asking how old he really was then — he always came up with something funny when she asked that. But she knew he didn’t really remember his age. And yes, he always said it didn’t bother him in the grand scheme of things. But reminding him he didn’t have that right after they had finished celebrating her sixteenth birthday felt uncomfortable, especially considering he didn’t remember his own birth date either. So she left it there this time, watching him get down.

“Well, exploding cake and its messy aftermath aside, I’d say your party was quite a success; what an array of festivities we had tonight!” With his feet back on the ground, Ingo sang his praises as he set the chair back where it belonged against the wall. “I’m glad to see the sudden rain didn’t dampen the mood; it’s good the professor had opted for an indoor celebration! I do hope you had a good time and enjoyed yourself.”

“Yeah,” Akari began to pick the few remaining scraps of colorful paper out of the carpet, though with a contradictory tone. “I did! It was really nice tonight.”

Ingo’s frown tugged slightly. He pulled down a bundle of streamers and crumpled them together, but he kept a careful eye on her. “…It was all alright, wasn’t it? Because I can understand if the whole, well, cake incident is still upsetting, what with no one actually being able to have any.”

“No, no-” Akari waved it off and turned away from him as Ember handed her a mouthful of paper she had picked up herself, though it also felt avoidant in nature. “Sorry, no, it’s not that. Really, that didn’t bother me! I’m just tired, I guess. It was a really late party!”

Ingo didn’t quite buy it with the way his features held tight. “Well then, that makes two of us I suppose.”

A couple times tonight near the party’s end, he had wondered if something was bothering her. It surely seemed so, but asking unobtrusive questions and gently inquiring if certain things were ok had come up with nothing but reassurances. But still, something felt wrong. As the evening went on, Ingo had been suspecting it went a little deeper.

And when the teen asked if he could possibly stay back and help her clean up, he was afraid it went even deeper than he initially suspected. Like, displaced-person-problems deep. Something he would come the closest to understanding out of everyone here. It was her birthday today after all, being spent in a time period she didn’t belong to. He could easily see it being a day of conflicting emotions, if that was the problem.

But Ingo didn’t know if Akari was simply seeking company from him, or conversation. And if it was as personal as he thought it was, he would never ask about it before she was ready. So for now, he would stick to the former, but he was prepared for the latter if she asked for it.

“Ok, I think that’s all of it.” cramming the last of the colorful paper scraps into a wad, Akari dropped the last of it into a bucket they’d been using for trash. Besides a table standing a little crooked, and a few chairs a little out of line against the wall, it seemed they had restored it to its previously-clean, empty state. “Thanks for staying after to help out, Ingo.”

“I was happy I could be of service,” Picking up the scraps-filled bucket and stuffing the streamers into it, Ingo went for the doorway and stood at the exit. “Before I dispose of this and depart, is there anything else you’d like any assistance with?”

Another chance for her to get out what was clearly weighing on her. But only if she wanted to. Grey eyes patiently watched her as she looked off to the side, clearly considering what to say.

“Um. I’ve got like, a ton of gifts downstairs.” Akari pointed down, in general reference to the floor below. “Would you be able to help me take them back to my unit? Normally I wouldn’t mind a couple trips, but the rain…”

Ingo gave her a flat-lined smile. “Not a problem at all. I’d be happy to help you carry the extra cargo.”

–––––

The drizzle was there to greet them all when Ingo pushed one of the Galaxy Hall’s doors open with his back, holding it open as Akari and Ember hurried out. Carefully going down the slippery steps, they hurried down the empty street to the teen’s unit, burdened with various birthday presents.

“Quiw!” Ember reached the door first, and eager to get out of the rain, squeezed through the moment Akari opened it by a crack. To the teen’s dismay, her Pokémon began shaking the freezing rain out of her fur with a vicious full-body shake.

“Ember, no! You’re supposed to do that outside!” Akari scolded the quilava as she opened the door the rest of the way, but she already seemed resigned to the fact she’d have to dry the floor and walls off later. She opened up her damp blue hanten, now bulging considerably with boxy shapes, to quickly remove the gifts she had sheltered inside it. At least they were still dry.

Ingo stepped into the doorway after her, holding his own similarly-bulging coat closed around the rest of the gifts. Akari retrieved a towel and began to chase after a protesting Ember with it as the warden placed her presents down near the door, but he then stepped back out to wait under the unit’s eave. He wanted to minimize how much rain he tracked inside – he wouldn’t add to the trails of puddles that Akari and Ember were currently leaving all across the floor.

“Ember! You’re dripping everywhere!”

“Qwill!”

Akari was completely absorbed in catching her Pokémon, Ingo could see. He supposed part of him had been curious if she had wanted him to come with her so she could share what had been bothering her – maybe she just hadn’t wanted to say anything at the party, which was understandable.

But now he supposed not, and that was ok. Maybe she’d share another day. Or maybe not at all. But regardless, he had given enough openings for it, so it was now entirely up to her on if she wanted to share or not.

“Well,” Ingo cleared his throat, “I suppose I should get going then, and leave you two to enjoy the rest of your night.” He pulled his cap down further over his eyes in anticipation of going back out into the rainfall. “But I’d like to say that I had a wonderful time at the party tonight, and thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. I hope today’s celebrations made for a fulfilling and memorable day with those close to you, and I wish for even better ones in the future. Once again, happy birthday Miss Akari, and goodnight.”

“Wait! Ingo, wait-” Akari abandoned the chase. Throwing the towel at Ember (who was subsequently swallowed up by it in an instant), she came back to him. Arms wrapped around his middle and squeezed tightly as she hugged him. “Thank you. For being at the party, and for helping me after. And for the really nice birthday wishes too.”

“You’re very welcome.” Ingo returned the hug as best he could. “Sixteen is a special milestone, after all.”

The restraint that was Akari’s arms only tightened instead of loosening. She stood against him, turning her face into his tunic and let out a long sigh. She didn’t say anything immediately. Ingo wondered for a moment if he had said something wrong amongst those ten short words.

“...Sorry, I know you’re tired and you have stuff you gotta do tomorrow, and you’re trying to leave,” She finally looked up at him. “But, would you mind sticking around for a second? It won’t take that long. But, um, I can make us some tea.”

So she did want to talk to him.

Ingo’s frown once again pulled into a neutral line, his eyes indicating a reassuring smile behind the shade of his hat’s brim. He would certainly be tired tomorrow, but he found that didn’t bother him much in this moment. “Of course.”

—————

“I… don’t believe I follow. What do you mean it didn’t count?”

“I mean it didn’t count, because today can’t actually be my birthday. Like I didn’t actually turn sixteen today.”

With one hand absentmindedly stroking alongside Ember’s back as she curled further into his lap, Ingo watched Akari take the steaming tea kettle from off the irori. The warmth from the pit was a welcome heater against the cold breeze of the cracked-open window behind him — he would have preferred it closed, but Akari liked to listen to the rain. “But today is the date of your birthday, correct? Did we get it wrong? Oh dear, I… I apologize profusely if we did!”

Firsthand embarrassment crept close. No one ever liked to have the date of their birthday forgotten, or gotten wrong. Secondhand embarrassment trailed behind. He knew Akari would never have the heart to tell everyone they got the wrong day after everything they had planned. It must have been so awkward to know the whole time and not say anything for everyone else's sake; no wonder Akari seemed so bothered today.

“Woah, no, it’s nothing like that!” Akari briefly stopped pouring the tea, surprised at how flustered Ingo seemed to get. “Sorry! No, you guys didn’t get it wrong! And I mean technically, today is my birthday. But it's also… not?”

“...While that is certainly a relief, I’m afraid I am still in the dark.” Ingo insisted.

She had told him once that some things felt wrong, like her name. It hadn’t seemed wrong and she certainly felt it as her own, but for all she could remember, she could never recall the name ever leaving the mouth of her friends or family during moments with them. Not even her mother.

She had considered when she was put here, some personal information had been messed with in her memory to ‘protect’ things. She said it would make sense if her name was one of those things. She also said maybe she was entirely wrong and had watched too many time-travel sci-fi movies, a concept he could only dimly recall once re-explained at length.

Ingo couldn’t tell her if she was right or wrong about that. But he was aware of her thoughts on this by now, and he wondered if she had begun to suspect if her birth date was one of those altered things as well.

Setting the kettle back over the irori and getting up with the two cups of tea, Akari handed one to Ingo as she sat down next to him against the wall. Ember, who had previously been comfortable in Ingo’s lap, immediately abandoned him for Akari’s instead. “Um, ok. Let me try and think of how to explain this… Oh, wait- I have stuff I’ve written-”

Leaning over Ember, Akari reached into her satchel, now placed near her bed. She pulled out her Pokédex and set it across her quilava’s back. Ingo, both intrigued and surprised, sat forward to get a better look. She had written things down about this? He watched her flip through the back pages until she reached the sections she had been looking for.

Notes. Dates. Scribbled out nothings. Timelines of the year by its months. Arrows, jumping backwards and forwards on said timelines. Numerous question marks etched deep and dark with frustration.

Page after page. Attempt after attempt trying to understand.

Ingo blinked, keeping down a reflexive mouthful of questions. Whatever this was, it had been bothering her for a long time, clearly. And she had been trying to figure it out by herself the whole time, because this was the first he had heard or seen anything about it.

“Ok, so I remember that before I was put here, when I was still at home, it was almost spring. It was at the beginning of the year, nowhere close to my birthday! But after I got here, and I first showed up on Prelude Beach,” Akari held up the Pokédex, tapping at the page. “I learned that here, it was almost fall. And only a few weeks after my birthday!”

She was tapping at one of the many timelines she had made that took up two pages, surrounded by notes and question marks, and overall seeming to be one of the simpler ones. All of the months of the year, in chronological order. There was a blue dot on March, and on August, a red dot — an arrow connected the former to the latter.

“I skipped like, five months ahead into the year when I was brought here. Kind of. I went back in time, but like, that doesn’t affect my age, does it? So looking at it that way, I really just kind of lost five months, if I went straight from March to August?” The notes lost Akari’s gaze as she blinked up at Ingo, as if wondering if she was even making any sense to him. “Right?”

“Uhm,” while the diagram she had written out certainly helped visualize the jumble somewhat, this was still a lot for Ingo to process. He sat back, scratching under his hat with one hand. “I might require another run-through or two to fully comprehend it, but I believe I’ve grasped the gist of it. That seems probable.”

Perhaps it was because he himself had no birthday, year, date, or even season of his own to compare with as a reference point anyways, but he’d never really given much thought to something like this. It made sense though, he thought. Just because someone went back in time on a certain day, doesn’t mean they’d show up in the past on that exact same day, down to the second. Akari certainly could have showed up here, with the year five months ahead from when she left her own time.

Not that it even mattered much, but maybe something like that had happened to him as well.

“Ugh, I’m sorry, I know all of this sounds so confusing, and all these scribbles probably aren’t helping. It was hard trying to figure this out with nothing but books to use as reference.” Akari seemed to become self-conscious of her rant; she closed her Pokédex and set it down at her side, replacing it with her cup of tea. “But I know dates aren’t the same. It was technically my birth-day today, yes, but not my birthday . It hasn’t been an actual year since my last birthday. I honestly don’t count myself as turning sixteen for another five months.”

“Well, I can understand the conflicting emotions with the celebrations now.” Ingo swallowed down a long sip of tea in order to verbalize his sentiments. He did not understand, though. Not entirely. When he listened to her talk, he heard confusion, and perhaps a little self-directed frustration. He didn’t exactly hear the well-hidden sadness he saw at the party.

This didn’t feel like it was all of it. But he was beginning to suspect he knew what the rest of it was, and he would not broach it himself.

“It was entirely unintended, I’m sure you understand, but all the same, I’m sorry to hear that the party brought up unwanted reminders.” He added on another statement to address it as best he could, more genuine to his true thoughts. “I’m sure the others would be too, if they were aware.”

“I know, I know… and I feel bad about that.” Akari confessed. “But they didn’t know. And I don’t want them to.” She looked down into her tea. “It wasn’t like, obvious that I was bothered at the party, was it Ingo?”

“Not particularly,” He half-lied. It certainly hadn’t been obvious, but it had been enough for him to suspect something, at the very least. He couldn’t speak for anyone else though, and he doubted anybody would ever be able to guess the reason if they did notice anything. “I don’t believe anyone would suspect themselves as the cause of your troubles.”

“You were asking me a lot tonight if I was ok.”

“An exploding birthday cake can be quite a distressing matter.”

The dry humor got a little laugh out of Akari. “…Yeah, ok. But. It’s just…”

Ingo waited.

“I don’t know,” she stumbled, though Ingo could see she very clearly knew. “The party wasn’t really the problem. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate everything they did, because I really did! I know it took a lot of work! But… I dunno.” She stumbled again. “You saw the party tonight. It was huge! And it’s not like it wasn’t super fun, because it was, or that it was too much for me or anything, because it wasn’t , but I kind of just…”

Akari shrugged, looking off to the side. Ingo watched her, patient as she set her cup down on the windowsill behind them and began fidgeting with her scarf.

“I don’t know, I guess I wished my mom had been here to celebrate it too.” Her voice wavered for a moment. “Even though I know that’s impossible right now. I just didn’t want her to miss it. Or more like do it without her, I guess. She would always talk about how turning sixteen was so big and so important, and it was going to be a special milestone. Just like what you said earlier.”

Oh. So it was something he had said.

“I think my mom was looking forward to this birthday more than I was!” Akari continued. “SO I felt bad that I did it without her. And I really miss her a lot, all the time. And I know she doesn’t know what happened to me. And I’m worried about that, and I just… Yeah. I didn’t want her to miss it.”

Ingo bit the inside of his cheek; it was what he suspected it to be – missing her family. Her mother.

But despite all the growing suspicion he let build up inside him over the course of the night, shamefully, he still wasn’t quite sure what to say. Akari’s mother was rarely the topic of their discussions, on account of the teen’s own emotional distress over it. Ingo never tried to bring it up on his own, and treated it with caution the few times she would bring it up herself, but it meant words always came slowly and with much difficulty when they would turn to it.

“That’s why today just can’t be my birthday. I want to be back with my mom by the time it actually is.” Akari kept handling the fabric of her scarf. “Because tonight I just kept thinking about how she was missing it. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever have something like that again. And I’m afraid that she thinks that too.”

“Oh, Miss Akari,” Ingo set down his own cup as she looked back up at him, sniffing with newly-misted eyes that threatened to well up. The sign that that was all she was going to say on the matter, and she was done. He opened his arm when she leaned closer to him, and she slumped into his side at the invitation, rubbing at her eyes to catch anything before it could fall. “I’m so sorry, I know you miss her dearly.”

A child separated from their mother. A mother who doesn’t know what happened to their child, or if their child is dead or alive, and is only more inclined to assume the former as time goes on. Except the child is not, and has no way to reassure the mother, or comfort her — no way to tell her she’s still alive, and that she hopes she doesn’t somehow suspect it’s her fault, and that she’s thinking of her every day while trying to find a way back to her.

It should not be this way.

But it is.

Ingo’s heart hurt; did he leave behind some terrible situation like this as well? Broken hearts and unanswered questions? It was easier for him to forget possibilities like this sometimes, when memories were not there to remind him of them.

“I do.” The teen settled more comfortably, rubbing at her eyes again when Ember reached up to lick at any stray tears. Her voice was shaky, but not uncontrolled — she took a deep breath to regain it. “It is really hard.”

Gears were turning in Ingo’s head, trying to figure something out. What could he say to this? She had been upset to the point of tears, and he wanted to comfort her. But he could not offer a promise to her, telling her she’d get back to her own time, see her mother again, and celebrate with her the way she wanted. Because as much as he wanted it to happen for her, he just did not know if it would. And Akari knew he did not know. Telling her something like that would just be empty, and maybe even painful. And he felt that lamenting the ghosts within white-out memories was a different kind of heartache compared to the vivid grieving over separation from one’s mother. Or maybe it was. But he didn’t know if in trying to console her with relatability, he would end up referencing too much loss, or not enough. What could he possibly-

“But it’s been easier. With you around.”

All the overworked lines speeding through Ingo’s mind halted. “...Oh?”

“I mean, you’re like the only other person in this entire world that can understand this whole thing right now. Like, really understand it. Even though I know they’ll listen, I don’t really know how to bring this stuff up to other people sometimes, because these aren’t things that anyone can really help.” Akari went on, seemingly not even noticing that he had mentally stalled. “Like I obviously couldn’t tell Rei or the Professor the party made me feel like this after all the time they spent putting it together for me, that would be terrible. And I don’t know how obvious it was, but I kind of took a long time working myself up to even tell you tonight. Even though to me, you’re like my, um…”

A very heavy pause as she mulled over her words.

“...I don’t know, my time-travel buddy here.”

Akari pet Ember as she talked, who by now had settled back into her lap, seeing as there were no more tears. Ingo found some appropriate humor in the title she gave him, but was otherwise quiet. She wasn’t finishing her sentences with a tone that suggested she was really done; it seemed like she kept wanting to say more but was cutting herself short.

“So… thank you for listening to all that. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to that really understands what I’m talking about.” Was all that came out instead, all that summarized her feelings on the matter. “I just wanna say I’m glad you’re here too, so I don’t feel so out of place, or lost, here.”

Ingo took in a breath, ready to thank her for such kind words and add in a reassurance that yes, he was there for her, but it seemed the moment of silence had led to quick reflection, then overthinking; Akari became noticeably flustered, suddenly leaning off of his shoulder to sit up straight.

“I mean, wait, no-” She stumbled. “I’m… I’m not saying I’m like, happy you ended up here just to make me feel more comfortable or anything, of course not! It’s terrible that it happened, especially the way it did! Obviously! I’m just-”

A pause to gather her thoughts.

“I’m… thankful I have someone else who can understand my situation, and helps me. And I’m not alone in this. Is what I’m trying to say. If that makes sense.” Akari finally killed her choppy ramble by taking a hasty sip of her tea.

“I understand,” Ingo tried to reassure the flush of embarrassment on the teen’s face; it hadn’t come across like that at all. “And as long as we’re being honest, I must admit I hold similar sentiments.”

He leaned his head back against the wall. Staring at the square of dim moonlight stretched across the floor from the window behind them, he watched the shadows that the rainfall projected as it came down outside. She told him she appreciated that he listened and talked through these things with her, but he hadn’t said much of anything yet. Well, now it was time to do that.

“I hope I’ve been transparent enough about just how much your arrival has changed my tracks for the better.” He started slowly, idly turning his cup of tea in his fingers. “From when I first arrived here until our routes crossed, I felt… entirely derailed. You know that. I’m even sure you can recall that disposition from when our tracks first crossed.”

“Yes,” Akari slowly allowed herself to settle back against his shoulder. She didn’t really give their first meeting much thought these days. Looking back, it felt polarizing to compare him to the man she had first been introduced to, now paling as distant and directionless in comparison to how he was now.

“But I’ve regained an amount of myself that I thought was indefinitely lost due to your assistance. I know that I lived in a time period comparable to yours, if not the very same — wouldn’t that be something?”

It had to be the very same, Akari just knew it was.

“I also know that I conducted many exciting battles alongside someone who enjoyed them just as much as I did, if not more. And I know that this someone was similar to me in many ways, and very dear to me. Perhaps family, from what I’ve gathered at this point. And while the identities and locations are still quite blurred, I’ve recovered many fragments that indicate I was fortunate enough to be loved by friends and family, seemingly up until my sudden derailment.”

Akari recalled the times when Ingo first remembered these things. When she first helped him recover shards of these cracked but significant recollections, whether purposely or accidentally.

He always cried.

Whether that was uncontrollably in the moment with her, or later in the evenings when he had resigned himself to the privacy of Lady Sneasler’s den, there were always tears.

She knew it hurt him to recall such loving, warm, comforting memories when all his situation did was serve as a reminder that it was out of reach, had been for a long time, and may still be for much longer. Questioning if it would ever be felt again by the same people who extended so much love to him, and he couldn’t even do them the decency of remembering their faces. Weaponized grief accusing him that it had all been taken for granted – that it hadn’t been appreciated enough back then.

Akari knew, because she would cry over similar things when she was alone at night, sometimes.

But she could do that. She was a teenager. Teenagers could cry.

Ingo was an adult. Adults could cry too, but it always felt harder to deal with when it was them. Especially when it was Ingo. Ingo, someone who always comforted her. Ingo, who didn’t cry.

At least, he didn’t before he started regaining these memories that she’d helped recover.

“But, it…” Akari looked down into her cup of tea, conflicted. In a way, she felt like Ingo was thanking her for simultaneously helping and hurting him. “I mean, it feels like-” She didn’t know how she wanted to phrase it. “-I know it hurts a lot sometimes, to remember. Would you… knowing what you know now, would you rather not have, um…”

It seemed Akari was becoming disheartened with the question, probably beginning to find it an insensitive question to ask. Ingo understood what she was getting at, and she realized that.

“Nevermind,” she finally ended the struggle and cut herself off. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” Ingo reassured her. “It can be quite hard, yes, to know what I’ve been removed from. It weighs heavy on my heart when I stop to reflect on it. But I know I have something to return to now. And while it can be painful at times, it is, to me, a welcome change from the plaguing hollowness of loss and confusion. I would not have, well… myself without you, and for that I am immensely grateful.”

It was heartening to see his words put her at ease, but he realized he was getting off track from what he was trying to express.

“ Ahem, all of this is to say; likewise, Miss Akari, if I had any say in the matter, I would not wish for you to be displaced here either. Yet you are. And as unfortunate as it might feel sometimes, all one can do is make the best of their situation. And there was nothing either of us could have done about our destination, but your presence at this station is a pleasant one, both in company and agency.” Ingo cleared his throat. “I am thankful for our friendship.”

“Me too…” Akari sounded almost choked up again, her voice quiet. “ See, you always know what to say. Thank you.”

The ambience of the rainfall against the unit’s eave became prevalent as conversation died. They sat like that for a while. Whether listening to the rain or replaying the conversation in her head, Ingo didn’t know what it was that Akari was doing. But the relative darkness in the room, the internal warmth of the tea, and the relaxing pattering of rain against the roof outside was a very dangerous combination for him. His eyes were already growing heavy, he should probably get going before he falls aslee-

“Hey Ingo,” The warden started when he felt a bony elbow suddenly nudge him in the side. “When we both get back, I’m gonna have another birthday party, one on my actual sixteenth birthday, with my mom there so that she doesn’t miss anything this time.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Ingo yawned, sitting forward to help rouse himself from the weakening grip of sleep. She was treating an ‘if’ like a ‘when’, and he sometimes warned her about doing that, but he found that right now especially, he couldn’t not indulge her a little.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna have tons of balloons, streamers and confetti everywhere.” Akari leaned her head against his shoulder to look back at him. “Like so much, even five days after the party, you’ll sneeze and confetti will still come out.”

“Every proper birthday party needs that.” Ingo couldn’t help but huff a laugh through his nose at the visual she’d constructed. “What colors for the theme?”

“Everything’s gonna be blue, of course!” She knew that he knew her favorite color would be the only choice. “You know that! Oh, and also, one birthday cake that’s the size of two! To make up for the one that exploded today!”

“What flavor?”

“Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. So everyone can have a flavor they like. And-” Akari sat up and fully turned to him, like this next part was serious. “I'm gonna have every single one of my friends and family come. So that means you’re going to be invited too! And anyone else you wanna bring! I’ll get to introduce you to everyone there!”

Ingo smiled. Because it did sound nice, truely. But the small smile quickly dulled. Indulgence aside, he didn’t want to encourage setting herself up for hurt. “You know I would love to. And if I can, I certainly will. However… Miss Akari, I truly hate to bring it up, but please be mindful of what we’ve talked about. I wouldn’t want there to be… any hurt. In case our tracks do not run as close as expected.”

Hopeful prospects built upon skewed expectations are terribly vicious if time reveals those expectations are wrong. It would leave deep wounds if they did go back to their own times, only to be separated by a gate of decades that stretched so far, they’d only ever be able to assume that’s what had happened, and never know for sure. But it would hurt more if they had convinced themselves that would not happen and took that as fact.

And so Ingo did not.

And while Akari had said over and over that she did not either, he could tell that really, deep down, she did.

And all of this wasn’t even considering the very real possibility that Ingo might not have a ticket back home like she did. She had told him time and time again that she’d drag him back by the arm if she had to, and stop anything that tried to keep her from doing so, but… what was a teenager against the Unknown?

“I know, I know.” Akari said it with concerning brevity. “But we have to come from the same time. How could we not? You also know what Pokémon gyms are, and contests! And you actually know what double battles are, too. And you know what cellphones are, and pizza, and video games!”

“It is… convincing.” Even though it was more vague than anything that narrowed things down to decades, not a single year, Ingo decided to just leave it there for now. This was not something to talk about at length tonight. Not after all she had just told him.

“So you’re gonna need to come! I really want to introduce you to my mom. I know she’d wanna meet you after all you’ve done for me! Knowing her, she’d probably try and repay you with tons of home-baked things, and I need to warn you she’s going to hug you with the strength of an ursaring trap.”

“Ah, well now I know where you get that from.”

A quick, simple sentence said without much of a tone, but Akari caught the humor of it. She laughed into her tea. “No, hers are like three times as strong as mine!”

With her leaning into her cup, Ingo did not see the playful look she gave him in the stretch of silence.

“And, just thought you’d like to know, she’s single too…”

“O-oh-” Ingo found himself sitting forward suddenly, his ears steaming hot with sudden embarrassment at the implication. Arceus, of all the ways for her to confirm his suspicions that a father probably wasn’t present. Surely not- “I- no no, with all due respect Miss Akari, I don’t think that would-!”

“Kidding, kidding, I’m kidding!” The teen shouted in between laughs, pushing his shoulder playfully and giving him a big, stupid smile. “Geez, you’re always so easy! I know! That wouldn’t work anyways, you’re like… the weird, distant uncle I didn’t find out about until like a year ago, if anything.”

“Weird uncle?” Ingo snorted at the notion, perhaps a bit too loudly — he hadn’t been expecting that, but it was certainly less heart attack-inducing than the former proposition.

“Yes!” Taking his laughter as disagreement more than surprise, Akari shoved his arm again. “I mean, you let me do a lot of things that I don’t think responsible parents would let kids do-”

“Because I’m- I’m not your parent,” Ingo hastily tried to correct her, still somewhat processing the topic. “And I’m not letting you, I’m simply ensuring you’re performing the proper safety checks when doing them!”

One would have much more success trying to properly equip her with tools and knowledge than to try and stop her from doing anything she was set on doing. Anyone who knew Akari well enough would know that.

“Yeah, well, I know my mom would kill me if she knew of all the dangerous things I was doing, and you don’t. There.” The teen poked him several times to drive her point home. “That’s what uncles do. And, you respond to my jokes with more jokes, and you like all my pranks-”

“I wouldn’t say all of them,” Ingo squeezed in, shaking his head but allowing himself to laugh a little.

“-and you let me hang around you like every time I come by, and you listen to my problems, and you help me when I need it-”

“You make it out to be a chore, I assure you it’s not-”

“-and! And! I don’t know how you do it, but you can fall asleep anywhere within like, thirty seconds.” Akari started snickering, looking back at him to see his reaction. “You were doing it like two minutes ago! I’ve only ever seen three types of people do that.” She began numbering off with her fingers, “Dads, uncles, and grandpas. You kind of best qualify for the latter in that area because you’re like, super super old, but…”

“Hey!” Now it was Ingo’s turn to nudge her with his arm – she was already joking with him again. She laughed more freely this time, quickly settling back against his shoulder.

“Point is, you’re um, kind of what I wished my actual uncle would have been like when I was growing up… if that’s not too forward to say. You’re the weird, distant uncle. Except the weird is a good weird, and the distant part wasn’t your fault. I appreciate that you um, basically look out for me here. It helps with missing my mom.” She finished, ending it by returning to her cup for another long sip of tea.

What a confession.

Ingo had known she had grown very attached to him over the months, and he could not deny he had done the same. She had made it very easy, he supposed; her frequent company filled time that had previously been spent alone, and those times were much happier now. And while he had grown to feel some sense of responsibility over her – she did often follow advice or guidance from him anymore, so logically there was some responsibility there – but he hadn’t thought much past it. He never felt like he had to.

However, she basically just admitted she felt like his ward, if he could compare it to anything. He had not known she had grown to see him like that, exactly – he wasn't sure he even saw himself like that – or when that had even first begun.

But it was comforting, in a way. Whether he had a spouse or children before Hisui, he did not know – he very much doubted it, but realistically, he didn’t know for sure. And siblings? Or parents? The scratched-out faces and names that haunted his cracked memories never made it clear. Those people could have been family, but they could have also been just close friends, and while that was certainly family in its own way, it was… hard, not really knowing.

And although he certainly did consider the Pearl Clan his family in Hisui, eternally indebted to Irida and the rest of the clan for their kindness to him, the circumstances of his acceptance had unfortunately felt purely obligatory or pitiful by some. It felt... different. And he didn't know if that would ever change.

So it was nice to hear someone call him family.

Akari had never said that phrase explicitly, but basically confessing of her own volition that she saw him as a member of hers was, in all honesty, painfully consoling and cathartic.

Ingo realized he hadn’t said anything yet. He turned to address the teen; she was sipping the last of her tea, but her cheeks were pink now, eyes down as she pet Ember with her other hand – she had grown self-conscious of her vulnerability in his silent processing, perhaps thinking he didn’t reciprocate the proposed connection. Or worse, he thought she was clingy for it.

She had confessed everything to him that she’d held back earlier, hadn’t she?

“Well, I am glad to know I live up to the expectations then, Miss Akari.” He made sure to give her a smile, still turned down in the corners but clearly, genuinely happy with his eyes. “I believe the feeling is mutual.”

Very few words, but relieving and emotional all the same. Arms reached around his shoulders to give another steel trap hug. “Thank you. For that. And for talking with me tonight. I know I said it would be quick, but…”

“It’s quite alright. I’m glad we could talk as well.” Ingo picked it up when she trailed off, squeezing her back with an arm in a side hug.

Weird uncle.

Yeah, he supposed he could get used to that.

“Ok then, you’re definitely going to need to come to my real birthday party now, no way you can’t.” Akari finally let go of him. Ember leapt off her lap and onto the floor as she moved to stand up and collect both of their tea cups, now empty. “And you’re gonna have to start showing up to family barbecues too! And your own family’s gotta come too, so you can introduce them to mine, and we can get even more get-togethers!””

She was joking, but he could tell she also was not. Another pang of future uncertainty dampened the sentiments, but Ingo looked past it as he made his own move to get back to his feet, and help her put everything away. “I can certainly try my best to do so.”

Hmm. His own family too.

His heart ached. He did wish he could remember them. He found himself wanting to meet them just as much as Akari did, if not more. (Surely though, he did.)

A part of him once again wondered if they missed him the way he missed them. Or the way Akari missed her mother.

—————

“Thank you, Elesa. I know you didn’t have to.”

“Please, don’t even mention it! You know I’d never pass up another opportunity to drag you around with me.”

Emmet pulled his cap down over his eyes as he stepped out of his apartment to join his friend. After he locked the door, the two of them began to make their way down the stairs to the street below. “Though I’m happy to go with you, I'm sorry to hear about Skyla. That was very unfortunate timing.”

“It really was; she said she’s already feeling better, though! She just told me to tell you to enjoy the premiere for her.” Elesa hooked her arm around Emmet’s as they continued down the steps.

It genuinely had been unfortunate timing for Skyla to catch a cold only a few days before the premiere of Pokéstar Studios’ newest movie that Elesa had a part in. But even if she hadn’t, herself and Elesa had long before agreed that they were going to come up with an excuse to take Emmet in her place anyways.

His birthday was not until tomorrow, and while many things had been planned with friends and family to occupy the day with good times and love, Elesa did not want him confining himself to his dark apartment tonight. Things were often just as painful the day before, as well.

“Skyla’s name is on the ticket.” Emmet absentmindedly observed as she handed the decorated slip to him. The dozen pokeballs within his coat weighed heavy for a moment. “And all of my Pokémon will be there, not Skyla’s. Will I have to show them ID or something?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it when we get there.” She reassured him. “Again, last-minute stuff, but I can work that out pretty easily.”

“Mmm,” Emmet hummed. That seemed like it would be his only response. But as he continued to scrutinize the name on the ticket, he spoke up again. “It’s ok, Elesa. I know that this was not last minute.”

While she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, Elesa also couldn’t say this wasn’t unexpected. Emmet had always been very good at picking up on things.

She just didn’t want him to think this was being done out of pity or anything.

Which maybe part of it was, how could it not be? But moreso, Emmet was her friend. And she wanted him to have something to think about other than grief tonight.

“I’ve been saying it’s last-minute too much, haven’t I?” She asked, seeming a little rueful.

“Yes, you have.” Emmet sounded almost amused as they continued down the steps. If he was bothered, he certainly wasn’t showing it. “But you also have not said a thing to me about my birthday all week. That is verrry unlike you.”

Harassing himself and Ingo with silly cards, gaudy gifts, and at least one big activity the week of their birthdays. Making Ingo and Emmets’ birthdays a week-long, inescapable reminder of the big day they shared was Elesa’s style of celebration. Not this.

But to be fair, just like how this year was… a first for Emmet, it was a first for her too. It was a first for everyone. Emmet understood why she was walking on eggshells – their birthdays had very much been an Ingo-and-Emmet thing. One was not without the other, ever.

Except this year, it was.

It was understandable why people would be nervous to bring it up to him in all the ways they had before. They were afraid it would serve as a reminder that someone was not there anymore to celebrate it with him. And they were right, it would. But while Emmet appreciated the sensitivity, he didn’t want a careful birthday where everyone was afraid of how to handle him. It wasn’t intended, but it would be demeaning.

“I’m sorry, Emmet. I just didn’t really… know how to do it this year.” Elesa confessed what he had already known. They were practically at the bottom of the stairs now. “And I didn’t want to say or do anything that would be- I didn’t want you to be alone, or thinking of anything that’ll hurt right now. I just want you to feel as loved and appreciated as you are, not sad. Not on your birthday.”

“I do feel loved.” Reaching the bottom of the stairs and stepping onto the sidewalk, Emmet stopped so that they could talk face-to-face for a moment. “Tonight I was invited to an event that was very much not planned last-minute, with my dear friend, to see a movie that she is in. And tomorrow, I will get to spend the entire day with friends and family. And even after that, when I am back in my apartment, I have all of my Pokémon, who need me as well. You all do a verrry good job of making me feel loved. It is a good birthday already.”

“Oh Emmet,” Elesa let go of his arm to reach out for him. She settled into his shoulder as she gently hugged around his neck. Emmet reciprocated, arms secured around her back.

Emmet knew tomorrow was going to be different. Difficult, certainly. For the first time, only half of him would be there. The reminders were still daily and constant, but tomorrow they were going to be a little sharper, a little more poignant. He couldn’t avoid that. But he did not want to try and bury it – he had already slipped into that once before, and learned how destructive and painful it was. And he certainly didn’t want others to feel like they needed to as well for his sake. He was hurting, and a part of him always would regardless, but he was not fragile.

“And it is ok to talk about Ingo.” Emmet spoke into Elesa’s shoulder. “It will be his birthday tomorrow too. And even if he is not right here at this moment, I would not want him to be excluded from it.”

“Alright,” There was relief in the way she sighed, squeezing him a little harder.

“Thank you, Elesa.” Separating from the hug, Emmet gave her a reassuring smile, though it was not without a hint of melancholy. “You are a very good friend.”

At the edge of the sidewalk, a sleek black car pulled up to them and stopped, engine thrumming quietly.

“Oh, that’s for us,” Sniffing, Elesa carefully wiped at her eye and cleared her throat. “You know, Emmet, I’m really…” She stopped, seeming to think better of it. No more apologies or condolences for tonight, she was supposed to be cheering him up. “...I’m glad you could come with me tonight.”

“I am too, very much.” Emmet seemed doubly grateful for the lighter change of topic. He followed her as she led him over to the car, and opened the backseat door for her. “I have not gone with you to one of these in a while! Last time was several years ago when you took Ingo and me with you to see that terribly cheesy rom-com you had a cameo in.”

“Well, funny you should bring that up,” A bit of Elesa’s playfulness slowly began to show itself again, a smile brightening her features as she scooted across the seat to make room for him. “Because lucky for you, tonight’s movie is also a romantic comedy!”

“Blech!” Emmet made an exaggerated gagging sound as he stepped into the car after her, which sent Elesa into a fit of laughing while he closed the door. “I will be watching this for you, not for the romance!”

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miel-ji · 1 year

Text

All I Ever Wanted

Genre: fluff, roommates to lovers, one bed trope, gets kinda angsty for a second

Paring: Non-Idol!Felix x Reader, Friend!Changbin and Hyunjin

Word count: 6.6k

Warnings: slight jealousy, some language

Summary: Your roommate Felix has the idea to take his best friends on a beach trip. You instantly agree, loving the idea and you quickly plan it all.

A/n: I thought it’d be fun to try writing more from the member’s perspective this time, and it was so fun that I might’ve gotten a little carried away. It was originally supposed to be pure fluff, but the writing process had other plans lol

Felix has been craving a beach trip with his best friends (you, Hyunjin, and Changbin), so he jumped at the first opportunity that all of your schedules aligned. He grew up by the beach, so he often longed to be there. Even though the beaches here weren’t the same as Australia, they still helped combat his homesickness just a little. Some of the best memories he has are of him at the beach, and he wants to make new ones now with the best people in his life.

He approached you first with the idea since being roommates meant you were only a door away. His steps were light as he practically bounced down the hall to your door, and he rapped his knuckles against it a few times before calling out to you, “y/n!” His voice held a sing-song quality to it as he said your name.

“Yes?” You called out from your spot on your bed. It was getting late into the night, and you had already settled down. You were fresh and bare faced, and you were wrapped up in your blankets with a plushie resting in one arm and your laptop resting on your lap. You were trying to finish up some work, but you couldn’t help but lose focus as you switched between tabs that were completely irrelevant to the work.

“Can I come in?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Felix had an impossibly wide smile as he was buzzing with excitement from what he was going to propose to you. It didn’t even cross his mind that you might say no because the only thing that was filling his mind were all the things he wanted to do with you there. He stepped into your room and softly closed the door behind him before turning on his heel to face you. When you peered up at him from your laptop, he noticed how cozy you looked which momentarily relaxed his racing heart.

He noticed the plushie that you were cuddling and recognized it as the one he got you for ‘Palentines Day’. You had been a bit upset about not having a Valentine this year despite the guy down the hall having a very obvious thing for you who would’ve jumped at the chance to take you on a date. Not that Felix wanted you to go on a date with him since he was simply not good enough for you. Still, Felix wanted to do something nice for you, and when he saw the cat plushie with its rosy cheeks and playful smile, he immediately thought of you. He prayed you wouldn’t read too much into it when he gave it to you, and he prayed you wouldn’t notice that he just gave his other friends a home baked cookie as their gift. But the long hug you gave him when you opened it and the sight of you cuddling it now was worth the risk.

“What’s up, Lix?”

He realized he’d been staring when he let himself get lost in that memory, and he felt a little heat bloom across his cheeks. “Um,” he huffed out a little laugh, trying to shake away the flusteredness. “I have an idea…” he wore his big signature smile, showing off his pretty teeth again.

You mirrored his smile, always loving any idea that he came up with. “Lay it on me,” you patted the spot beside you on the bed to signal for Felix to join you. Skinship was normal in all of Felix’s friendship, so it really didn’t seem like a big deal when Felix made his way over to the bed and crawled in with you. But Felix’s heart didn’t flutter with his other friends the way it did now when you rested your head on his shoulder, nor did his stomach do flips with his other friends the way it did now when he felt your legs brush against his.

“Let’s go to the beach,” he breathed out, not wanting to wait any longer to finally spill his idea. “You and me…” He paused without realizing it, “and Changbin and Hyunjin, of course… the whole friend group.” He gulped while waiting for your response just now realizing that rejection could be imminent.

But then you replied in your sweetest voice, “I’d love that,” and Felix could feel everything falling into place. He giggled and turned to wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace, placing his chin on the top of your head.

“We’re going to have so much, I promise. I gotta go call the others now.” But Felix didn’t make any moves to get up from the hug for a second longer as he gave you one more squeeze. Finally, he released you and climbed out of your bed before slipping out of your room. He paused at the door, “goodnight, y/n,” he said softly.

“Night Lix,” you offered a small smile and returned to the position you were in post- Felix. His eyes drifted back to the plushie in your hold, silently wanting to replace it with himself, but instead he closed your door and padded off to his room.

~~~

Today was the day that you were finally going to get away. You’d all planned to go early in the morning, and Felix was struggling more than he thought he would. You had made him some coffee when he stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. His black messy hair was sticking up everywhere, and he could still barely open his eyes as you handed him the warm mug.

He flopped down in one of the chairs at the small kitchen table and accepted it gratefully. You waited to speak to him as he slowly sipped his coffee and let the warmth settle in his bones. He hummed in appreciation and slowly opened his eyes, now fully awake. “Better?” you asked playfully, but he just nodded, the strands of his hair that were sticking up danced along with the movement.

“Much, thank you,” the sleep still in his voice making it sound even deeper. Fondness overtook you, you couldn’t help yourself from reaching across the table to place your hand over his that still rested against the warm coffee mug. Somehow you missed the way Felix stilled under your touch, and he looked into your eyes. You stayed like that, sharing the nice peaceful moment in the kitchen until a knock at the door interrupted you.

Felix cursed his friends in his head for ruining this moment for him while you pulled away and stood up to answer the door. “I’ll get it. You just worry about making yourself pretty.”

“I’m already pretty,” Felix rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself.

“Of course you are, Lix,” you ruffled his hair as you walked past him, and his pout immediately changed to a smile. Felix sighed and slinked off to his room to get ready while you greeted your friends at the door.

When Felix joined you in the main room with everyone a little later, the first thing he noticed was how close you were sitting to Changbin who was showing you something on his phone. Rationally, he knew that you and Changbin were just really close friends. You’d all met in university and managed to maintain a friendship that only grew stronger over the years. But he also knew Changbin was extremely attractive and such a gentleman that he couldn’t blame you if you had developed feelings for him. He really admired Changbin, and he even took inspiration from him in many ways. You deserve someone like him.

Felix thought how silly he was for assuming things though. You were all friends here, and he should stop reading into things just because he caught a little crush on you. Except was it just a little crush if he’s been feeling this way for almost a year now? If you’re the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he sleeps? If he could spend every moment with you and never get tired, and miss you the second you weren’t with him anymore?

He longed to tell you all of this, but he couldn’t help but think about what would happen if you didn’t feel the same. He didn’t want to ruin your safe space that was the apartment by tainting it with the awkwardness of unrequited love. Knowing you, you’d have let him down softly and found a way to keep being friends, but he also wasn’t sure he was ready for things to change.

So he kept all of this bottled up inside and strode fully into the room to make his presence known. He greeted Hyunjin, but his eyes kept sliding back to you and Changbin that were still in your own little world. “You finally ready, Felix?” Hyunjin teased and stood up to hug him.

Felix laughed, “I didn’t take too long, did I? Had to look pretty per Y/n’s request.” You were finally looking his way, so he took the opportunity to wink at you before greeting Changbin. “Is the car ready?”

“Yeah, just need to pack your and Y/n’s things. There’s not much room since Hyunjin needed to pack two bags.” Changbin shot Hyunjin a glare.

“Two bags? We’ll be gone for literally two days,” you said incredulously.

“Um, yeah, but I need to make sure that I have day outfits, night outfits, books, journals, paints, different pairs of shoes-“ Hyunjin said as if you were being the ridiculous ones before Changbin cut him off.

“And that was after negotiating down from three!”

Now you were all laughing as Hyunjin just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “Whatever, you’re still buying me coffee in the mornings while we’re there since you’re basically asking me to rough it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Where’s your bag Y/n? I’ll help you carry it to the car.” Changbin offered.

“Thanks, but I got it, Binnie. I’ve been hitting the gym too, see?” You flexed your arm with your practically non-existent muscle, but Changbin still poked and prodded at it pretending to be impressed.

Felix lips tightened into a line. He couldn’t keep feelings this way. “Already on it!” He called before rushing to both of your rooms to grab the bags before anyone could protest. He groaned a little at the weight of both your bags he bore on his shoulders, of course you both weren’t light packers, before trudging his way to the car.

You followed behind him, feeling a little bad that your hands were free while he carried everything, but he just smiled your way. “We should go to the gym together sometime.”

“Okay, we should,” you agreed, and the weight on his shoulders suddenly felt a little lighter. You finally made it out to the car, and you called out ‘shotgun’ at the same time as Hyunjin. “Rock, paper, scissors,” you suggested while already holding out your hands in position. Felix hated it, but he was secretly hoping you lose so you’d sit in the backseat with him. The first round was a tie, and Felix chewed his lip as you both shook your fist preparing to throw the next one. The second round was another tie, and Felix practically whined from the tension while Changbin raised an eyebrow at him to question why he was so invested. On the third round, Hyunjin threw rock as you threw scissors, and Felix was doing a little victory dance in his head.

Hyunjin broke your scissors with his rock, “ha, I win.” He taunted proudly. You just stuck out your tongue at him as he cackled and climbed in the passenger seat.

“Guess you're stuck with me,” Felix gave you a lopsided grin and lightly nudged your shoulder with his.

“We’ll have our own fun,” you linked your arms briefly, narrowing your eyes in Hyunjin’s direction before walking to the other side of the car to get in. Felix just laughed to himself. Your and Hyunjin’s friendship consisted of bickering like a married couple, but he knew it was all just out of love.

“Okay, is everyone ready?” Changbin adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and looked around to check everyone had on their seatbelts. He threw the car in drive, and Felix was feeling more energized than coffee could ever make him from finally taking this trip.

You, however, were still sulking in your seat a little with your lips pursed as you stared out the window at the world going by. Felix scooted a little closer to you from his seat and poked you in your side to get your attention, “Y/n, you’re pouting.” You jumped slightly when he touched you making him giggle before you turned to him.

“I just wanted control of the music…” Changbin always let whoever was in the passenger seat be the DJ, and while Hyunjin’s taste in music wasn’t bad, you just thought yours was better.

“I have an idea. Here, let me see your phone.” You handed over your phone hesitantly while Felix fished in his pocket for something. He pulled out a wad of white cord that you recognized as wired earbuds and wrinkled your nose teasingly. “What? They’re for the aesthetic,” Felix said while plugging the lightning adapter into your phone.

“They really are,” Hyunjin remarked from the passenger seat.

“Oh, you just hush and listen to your music,” you answered.

“Kk,” he blew you a kiss which you pretended to catch in midair, and threw it back at him. He shrieked and pretended to dodge while turning back around.

“Hey, stop throwing stuff in my car!” Changbin played along.

Felix was glad to see that you had thrown the kiss back instead of keeping it, but then he shook his head at how ridiculous the thought was. Once he untangled the earbuds, he handed you one and stuffed the other in his ear before handing you the phone to play music. The cord had a good distance to be able to sit in your seats respectively, but you still slid a little closer in the seat; your pinkies occasionally brushing each other.

You chose a song, and Felix knew it was the song that you’d been playing all the time around the apartment that week. The memories of you dancing around to it as you cooked or cleaned, sometimes even coaxing him to join you, playing in his head, and he turned it up just a little bit louder. The rest of the car ride was spent like this, your heads tilted towards each other with the shared music playing in your ears. Somewhere along the way though, your pinkies had become entwined not even remembering who had made the move to close the distance.

~~~

When the car came to a stop, it was about midafternoon, and everyone was feeling stiff from having spent a couple hours in the car. When you had stopped for something to eat earlier, you all decided to head to the beach first before the hotel to really soak in the first day of your trip. “We’re here!” Changbin announced to the car as you sat up and handed back the earbud to Felix. You looked down at your pinkies linked together, and you wished that you could take a picture of the moment.

“Thank god!” Hyunjin swiftly exited the car, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he dropped to his knees and started kissing the ground. Instead he stretched by the car and urged everyone to hurry up.

Felix didn’t want to be the one to unlink your pinkies, so he waited for you to move. However, after Changbin had also excited the car and a stifling silence entered, you still procrastinated leaving. He wasn't even sure if you were aware of the position of your hands as you seemed to be just admiring the beach from your window. That was until you squeezed his pinkie with yours to signal you were before finally exiting the car and thoroughly leaving Felix speechless.

You had all walked to the edge of the shore as a group, but Hyunjin plopped himself in the sand a few feet away from the water to draw while Changbin did the exact opposite. He practically threw his towel and shirt on Hyunjin as he rushed into the ocean laughing and splashing in the water. It wasn’t exactly summer yet. It was the weird weather inbetween that was warm enough to go for a dip, but the water was still ice cold. That didn’t seem to bother Changbin who waded out in the water up to his thighs and waved at you from the shore. You forgot to wear a bathing suit (which was a great oversight on your part as you thought about it tucked away in your bag), and you just opted to remove your sandals and dip your toes in the sand instead. You stood there, and let the tide wash over them and cause you to sink further in. You closed your eyes and basked in the fresh sea breeze through your hair and the warm sun on your face when you felt an even warmer presence by your side.

You looked over at your perfect view that was Lee Felix. He was gazing back down at you, and you studied the constellation of freckles that dusted his face. You had the urge to take his face into your hands and press kisses to every last one, but instead you continued to admire him. The soft lines of his face and the upward curls of his lips. The way his black hair still shined under the sun and his bangs that framed his dark cat-like eyes.

You were so entranced by him that you almost didn’t notice the way he was admiring you in the same way, and the beach was left forgotten in front of both of you. You reached your hand out to take his pinkie again, and Felix didn’t hesitate in wrapping his around yours. The smile that lit up his face once you were in his hold again was enough to make the sun jealous. Your own smile played across your lips, and you gazed out at the clear sparkling water that stretched out into the horizon. The view was consistent peaceful scenery until Changbin’s muscular frame cut through the water, still splashing around and having fun.

You heard a ‘click’ come from behind you, and turned around to be greeted by Hyunjin squinting through his camera lens that was pointed at you both. “Don’t mind me, go back to looking at the water holding hands. It was a cute scene. Changbin, get out of the frame! You’re ruining the shot!”

Hyunjin walked off to continue yelling at Changbin who just argued back to take pictures of him instead. Felix looked down at your pinkies still hooked together, partly trying to conceal the pink tint on his cheeks Hyunjin’s words caused, but he disagreed. The scene was perfect, and he made a mental note to ask for the picture later from Hyunjin.

~~~

When you all arrived at the hotel that night, the moon had taken its shift in the sky with a blanket of stars joining it. You had spent the rest of the day at the beach modeling for Hyunjin’s photography, burying Changbin in the sand, and then having a sand castle building contest with you and Felix as a team. You still believe that you won since Felix had helped you find the perfect shiny little seashells in the water to decorate it with. Felix was more than satisfied with the day knowing that he’d get wonderful sleep tonight replaying all the events at the beach. His favorite by far was when the sun had started to set, and the whole scenery had changed from a bright blue to warm oranges and dusty pinks. Everything had taken on a golden glow, and when he saw it reflected in your eyes, he felt nothing but pure happiness in that moment.

You were going to stay and look at the stars on the beach as well, but everyone was ready to find somewhere to eat dinner and get to the hotel to shower off the sand. When you arrived at the hotel, you made it a point to get out of the car before all the rest to grab your bag before anyone offered to carry it for you. You were a grown woman, dammit, and you were perfectly capable of getting your own things. As your group shuffled into the hotel lobby, you could tell you were all a little exhausted from your sagging shoulders and droopy expressions. You all agreed beforehand that in order to save a bit of money, you’d share rooms. You decided it was easiest just to keep the roommates how they already were: Changbin and Hyunjin, and you and Felix. You didn’t mind having to share with Felix because he was a considerate roommate, and he was very respectful of boundaries. Besides, when you had booked the rooms for everyone, you made sure the bathrooms would have plenty of space to get ready in and you each had your own bed.

Everyone checked in at the front desk, and you slipped the keycard into your pocket, not trusting Felix to keep up with. You weren’t much better with not forgetting things, but Felix managed to lose it or get locked out every. single. time. It was honestly cute how he’d blow up your phone pissed off about how they made the keycards so small and forgettable. Other times, he would FaceTime you and want you to keep him company until someone would finally let him back into his room. These were the nights that you stayed up late to talk because he would use the excuse that you were already in the middle of something, so you should just stay on the phone.

You were all silent as you made your way up to your rooms that were only a couple doors away from each other, lost in thoughts about a warm shower to cleanse the sea salt still lingering on your skin. You said your goodnights to each other by uttering agreeing mumbles and nodding from your door ways before pushing them open and slipping inside. Felix let you enter first following close on your heels in the narrow hallway that led to the rest of the hotel room, and he crashed into you as you came to a sudden stop. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Felix quickly grabbed your hips to steady you, letting his own bag fall from his shoulder, when he noticed your expression. He followed your wide-eyed stare into the room, and he realized what caused your reaction.

There was only one bed.

Felix froze behind you as well, and his brain shut down, not thinking about what this would mean. You cleared your throat and turned to face him not realizing he was still so close that there were barely inches between you. You took a step back which caused Felix to do the same scared that you were feeling uncomfortable. “I- I swore I booked a room with two beds…” You spoke softly with your gaze cast on the ground and your brows furrowed.

“Oh…I- It’s totally fine. I can just go bunk with Hyunjin.” Felix quickly scooped his bag from the floor already backing away towards the door. “Don’t even worry, we’ve shared one befo-”

“You can stay…” You cut him off, and Felix’s mouth was slightly parted, still stuck on his last train of thought as he processed what you had just said. “I just mean, it would be unfair to ask that of you…” you gestured to the bed behind you as you said this, “There’s plenty of room, and their room would be too crowded with three people. Just stay…” You smiled at him reassuringly and Felix could feel his apprehension dissolve slightly.

“Are you sure? That chair doesn’t look too bad. I could just-” Felix was referring to the flimsy office chair parked under the desk in the corner of the room.

You laughed slightly, “Felix, it’s fine. We’ve fallen asleep on the couch together before. It’s not like you do taekwondo in your sleep, right?” Felix chuckled at this, and he was glad that you weren’t bothered by the predicament you were in. You were being your usual positive self, making Felix laugh, and relaxing him as always. However, it wasn’t like that time you had fallen asleep together on the couch at all, and you both knew it. The couch was on the smaller side, so you were able to share a blanket; however, you both slept at opposite ends. This time there will only be an arms length in between you, and Felix chose not to think about that right now.

However, he could no longer avoid it. You’d both taken longer than necessary showers to try to procrastinate the inevitable, and Felix had to place two fingers against his neck several times to check his pulse as he listened to you blow-dry your hair. He was sitting in the office chair in the corner trying to focus on the game on his phone when the noisy blow dryer ceased. A couple of minutes later, you walked out from the bathroom finally ready for bed, and Felix had to fight even harder to keep his eyes glued to his phone screen. He heard the rustling of the sheets as you climbed into the bed, and the light from your side of the room blinked out. He wondered how you could just go to bed just like that. But you rolled over on your side to face him, and he saw in the soft lamp light from his side of the room that you were looking at him.

“Are you coming to bed soon? It’s past midnight at this point,” You tried your best to say that flippantly, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t just as flustered at the idea of sharing a bed with Felix.

Felix cut off his phone, and he slowly nodded before dragging his feet over to the edge of the bed. He swallowed continuously and hoped his hands weren’t shaking as he peeled back the covers. He couldn’t help the snail-like pace he was moving in because he really couldn’t even believe what was happening. But there was no denying it as he slid into the bed next to you where the smell of your sweet shampoo greeted him. You were still turned on your side watching him calmly with your hair splayed across your pillow. “Do we need to do the whole ‘put pillows in between us’ thing?” Felix asked and laughed nervously.

You laughed at his comment, and Felix was already trying to think of another one just to hear that sound again. It was his favorite song after all. He shifted on his side to face you as well, making sure to be as close to the edge without falling off as possible. “No, no. I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” You smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair before your arm disappeared beneath the blanket once again. From the simple touch, Felix felt a wave of calmness wash over him. “Do you mind turning off the light, Lix?”

“Right, my bad,” he smiled sheepishly and turned off the lamp that was on his bedside table. The room was immediately plunged into darkness. Felix’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, and the shadows that were swimming in front of him slowly took shape of the hotel room, the bed, and you. “Hey, Y/n?” A small smile crept up on his lips as he tasted your name on his tongue.

“Hm?” The blankets were pulled up over your shoulders, and you had a hand resting under your cheek as you were still turned on your side to Felix.

“Did you have fun today?” The question held vulnerability and sincerity as Felix genuinely wanted you to have had just as much fun today as he had with you.

“Actually, can I tell you something?” You asked with the same vulnerability in your question.

Felix’s heart sped up as he dared to hope, “always.”

“I’m not the biggest fan of the beach,” Felix’s hope was momentarily shattered. He felt bad for dragging you to the beach if you really didn’t want to go. Maybe he should’ve considered that his friends would want to go somewhere else. “But, I had the best time today… I love going anywhere with you, Lix.”

Felix was surprised that he hadn’t melted right then into a puddle. “Me too. I love it too,” You didn’t have to see Felix’s face to know he was smiling because you could hear it in his voice.

Talking with Felix was always the easiest thing in the world, and that night was no exception. When you met Felix, you were still very reserved and assumed that no one cared enough to hear the thoughts in your head. Felix always cared though, and he helped you come out of your shell more. Now, you were completely comfortable sharing anything on your mind with him. That night, you both talked about all your favorite moments you shared that day, and all the memories you now shared before talking about life and what you wanted in the future. You’re not sure how long you and Felix stayed up talking before finally succumbing to sleep, drifting off mid-conversation.

~~~

When Felix slowly woke up that morning, the first thing he noticed was that he was no longer in the same position that he’d fallen asleep in. He was now in the middle of the bed, engulfed by your body. You were still fast asleep with your head resting on his shoulder and one of your arms tucked around his body. Felix blinked a few times just to check if he was still dreaming as he looked at your peaceful features. Your face was completely relaxed, and your eyelashes gently rested against your smooth skin. Your lips were slightly parted while the hair that cascaded in front of your face billowed in the small breaths that left from them.

With the arm that wasn’t trapped between your bodies, Felix very carefully tucked the hair back behind your ear. You stirred a little in your sleep, and Felix held his breath hoping he hadn’t caused you to wake up. But you just nuzzled further into his shoulder and adjusted your grip more securely around him. Felix released the breath he was holding in relief and returned to admiring you draped over him. He hoped you were having good dreams. He hoped you were dreaming of him.

It had been a little more than a false alarm though because in the next moment, your eyes softly fluttered open. He could see the thoughts rouse awake in your mind as your eyes wandered up from your bodies to Felix’s eyes. He tried to keep his expression calm, but his breathing became slightly more labored as he waited for what you’d do next. You hesitantly lifted your head from his shoulder and your arm from around him. You brought the back of your hand against your cheek as if to help cool down the heat from a blush.

You were propped on your elbow still by his side when you finally spoke, “sorry… I guess I’m just used to holding something in my sleep…” You trailed off not meeting his eyes. Should he have tried to move from your grip when he first woke up? Would you have been able to look at him then?

“It’s okay, I didn’t mind,” Felix spoke so softly that he almost couldn’t hear himself over the sound of his own heartbeat. Sure you were the one who took him into your arms at some point in the night, but he was the one who knowingly stayed in them the morning after. Had he messed up?

You didn’t say anything for a minute before completely sitting up in bed. “Let’s just… get breakfast, yeah?”

“Yeah,” his voice slightly cracked, so he cleared his throat and tried again, “yeah, you can get ready first.” You just nodded and made your way to the bathroom. When he heard the click of the door shutting behind you, Felix wished desperately he could know what you were thinking. Something seemed to have shifted this morning between you two, and Felix hoped this wasn’t the start of the end.

~~~

Felix felt his fears were confirmed when you spent the rest of the trip being as distant as possible from him. Others wouldn’t have been able to detect a change since you still spent time with him and joked around like normally. But Felix didn’t miss the way you would look away when you’d make eye contact or quickly pull away from a hug. It was eating him up inside, but he just wanted to pretend that it wasn’t happening. To keep telling himself nothing really changed.

On the way back from the trip, you took the passenger seat, and Hyunjin didn’t try to put up a fight for it this time. He compliantly sat in the back with Felix, and he offered to watch movies with Felix on his phone. Felix couldn’t focus on the screen though when you were in the front lost in conversation with Changbin, throwing your head back laughing at something he just said. Felix’s heart squeezed at the sight; had it really already been that long since you last genuinely laughed like that with him?

When Changbin and Hyunjin dropped you off at your shared apartment, the moon was once again hanging in the sky. For once there was silence that felt very close to awkward as you wordlessly made your way to the door. The whole building seemed to be reflecting your mood as nothing but overwhelming silence echoed through the halls. In reality, everyone was tucked away into their beds having a peaceful sleep, and Felix knew he should be ready to do the same with how late it was. But he was anything but tired.

You barely even acknowledged him once you arrived at your apartment, saying a halfhearted goodnight before disappearing into your room. Felix stood in his spot and stared at your door long after you went inside, wondering if this was the way things were going to be from now on. What had happened that morning? He should just talk to you. He chewed on his lip while contemplating this, taking a step forward, but ultimately steering away towards his room.

Felix abandoned his bag somewhere near his door, and he didn’t even bother unpacking. He was almost in a stupor as he changed into some pajamas and crawled into bed. He tossed and turned for what felt like forever before completely giving up on sleep and settled on staring up at his ceiling with one hand propped under his head. He replayed that morning over and over, mulling over every little detail. From the peace he felt in your arms, to the guilt when you moved away, to the disappointment after you eventually left. Felix was going to drive himself crazy ruminating like this, always coming to the same conclusion. He missed you.

He made up his mind that the first thing he would do tomorrow was talk to you when he heard shuffling at his door. As if his thoughts had managed to conjure you, there you were quietly slipping into his room. He watched you, confusion evident on his face, as you tiptoed your way over to his bed. “Felix?” Your voice sounded so small when you said his name.

“Y-yes?” Before he could even process what was happening, you had slipped into the bed, your arms wrapping around him and pulling him into you. Holding him exactly the way you had that morning.

“I couldn’t sleep…” you offered as if this could explain everything, and your voice was muffled by his shoulder.

“Fuck, Y/n…” Felix laughed but it came out almost like a scoff, and he didnt mean to come off so harsh. “You can’t just act distant all day, and then crawl in my bed like everything’s okay,” he softened his tone this time, and despite his words, he was relieved that you were holding him again. It was all he ever wanted.

“I-I can explain…” You looked up at him with eyes that were shiny and unguarded.

Felix, once again with the hand that was not tucked in between your bodies, reached over to tuck your hair behind your ear, taking the time to explore the emotions behind your eyes. “Please do, I’ve been so lost all day… Did I do something wrong?”

You were quick to grab his wrist as he pulled his hand away, sliding your hand down to take his in yours, “of course not, Lix… I was just scared.”

“Scared? I don't understand,” now he was confused as well as concerned.

“Scared of how much I liked it… Lix, I couldn’t sleep tonight because you weren’t there.” The confession lingered in the air, and Felix felt the seed of fear from before grow into hope. “Please don’t hate me when I tell you this but…”

“I could never hate you, Y/n,” Felix reassured and adjusted his grip on your hand more securely.

“It made me realize that I’m in love with you… that I’ve been in love with you,” You laughed airly like you couldn’t believe you were actually doing this. “And it’s okay if you’re not, but I needed some time to come to terms that you might not-”

“What makes you think I’m not?” Felix asked instantaneously. He was so excited that he didn’t even have time to breathe.

“You are? Don’t play with me, Felix. I’m serious.” you said a little stern.

“I am too, Y/n.” Felix answered exasperated. “I am so in love with you.” You were still staring up at him wide-eyed, and your lips were slightly parted in incredulity. Felix smiled warmly at you and gathered some courage, “I’ll prove it to you…” His eyes flickered down to your lips. He turned on his side to face you and propped himself up on his elbow. He slightly leaned over you and unlinked your hands to softly cup your jaw. He delicately traced your plump bottom lip with his thumb, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” That was all it took for Felix to lean down and capture your lips with his. Your breath meddled together as your hand snaked around the back of his neck to pull him closer to you. Felix’s mind spun as you deepened the kiss, and he took the chance to explore your mouth further. The kiss was hungry and desperate, communicating a year’s worth of pinning leading up to this one moment. Your teeth clashed and tongues danced together as you tried to get as close as possible to one another. Felix tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away and met your gaze of matching blown pupils. “Okay,” you struggled catching your breath. “I believe you now.”

“Well, that was easy,” Felix softly laughed and kissed your forehead again just to reinforce his point. “I’ll make sure to keep proving it though.” And Felix meant it. He was ready to show you nothing but love. He settled down on top of you and hugged your waist. He rested his head against your chest and closed his eyes contentedly as you played with his hair. He wanted to enjoy being in the moment and soak in the new discoveries of that night. He knew that there was still more to figure out in this new territory, but that could wait until the morning.

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