A lovely dragon with Magpie markings. This guy features sewn in resin spikes and claws, and muscle padded arm sleeves. I used up some of the last pieces of my favorite crocodile velvet for this guy ;3;
Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
BUT IT IS DONE, I NOW OWN A BANEFUL FOX MASK OF MY OWN!!
And its WEARABLE~!!!
It's not perfect by any means, but I'm so glad I stuck through it and completed this side project! With all the troubles I had in the beginning with terrible air drying clay disintegrating the next morning, and it making the mask super heavy to wear, to figuring out any other methods to do it over again, to Tears of the Kingdom taking over my life (affectionately), it was a learning curve I haven't had to deal with in ages XD
But it only took about a week, and tbh that's really fast in hindsight! All I used to make this was modeling foam, a cheap blank plastic kitty mask as the base, cheap dollarstore acrylic paints, and even cheaper dollarstore yellow tinted sunglasses lenses that I popped out of the frames. I'm gonna add some fabric on the inside of the mask later to make it more comfy to wear, but that's for another day. For now this is gonna be a wall decoration in my room~
Thank you to folks in the chain of the WIP of this mask who gave me ideas to help bring this back from fhe brink of failure! It means a lot folks were hyped to see this through to the end!!
It's a tragedy and a joy to be many things at once. A joy to experience more of what humanity has to offer, but a tragedy in the sense that no one place feels like a concrete home. It always feels like you're lying when you try to solidify, because whatever state you become, it's never quite 100% you, is it? You are both the wavelength and the particle, so being defined as one denies the other its existence. At birth, you exchange a sense of belonging with a curse of fluidity.
I've always had trouble with my identity. Obviously. You've probably seen my writing. I've always been many things, which coalesces into feeling like I'm not much of anything. Sometimes I can forget about all that, and life is much easier. Other times I remember though, and it can be incredibly isolating. It then feeds into this fearful loop where I feel I must isolate myself further, before something scatters what little scraps I have. But then, how can anyone connect with a thing that is barely solid? How can I feel safe to connect? How can they? What if one of the things I am is something which is hated? How can I let myself be seen if being seen feels like it could be a death sentence?
I guess the vaguely correct answer to all of that is just "make art." That's always been my salve. Sometimes I forget how though, and I float for a very long time.
thinking further on my response and i do think CDDs can be a spectrum more than clear cut diagnostic criteria. like just in general. like just from what ive observed & what im reading (currently working on the haunted self!) i think theres a lot of overlap in symptoms between DID, OSDD, and even C-PTSD & BPD, which makes it harder to draw a line on whether certain presentations count as one disorder or another
it's an added layer of difficulty that theres so many different ways CDDs can present. i feel like every system i meet and every system i read about has its own unique ways of presenting, which im assuming is because it's a complex series of adaptations to very specific stimuli & circumstances. but like the variance in peoples' lived experiences makes it hard to make blanket statements about systems (or even like, alter archetypes, for example)
like theres just so many ways a system can look. some people know about their alters as early they can remember & experienced them as imaginary friends or voices. some people go 20, 30+ years without realizing theyre a system at all. theres polyfrag systems with layers upon layers of subsystems and complicated inner workings. theres people whose alters have only a passing awareness of each other. and so on. Individuals might share a diagnostic label, but there might be little overlap in how they experience being a system
anyways This is a lot of rambling that's straying into different territories.. sorry my mind may not be all here LOL
at it's core we are all experiencing various levels of structural dissociation ... unity 🤝
got a happy cake day message from reddit, been there for 3 years now apparently, so i went thru the few posts i made (most on freddit) let me share some cosplay pics i posted there :]