#past anxciet

[starlocked01]

Dukexiety Week Day 7- Soulmates

Summary: Virgil makes a pet food run with disastrous wonderful results

WC: 2441

Warnings: swearing, panic attacks, non-consensual touch (non-sexual), negative self talk, past abusive relationship, past Anxceit, nonbinary Remus

A/N: Who would I be if I didn't write the soulmate prompt and post it late for Remus' birthday? Happy Birthday my favorite intrusive thot! 💚

@dukexietyweek

"Look alive, Sunshiiine~"

Virgil groaned and rolled over in bed, ignoring his alarm. Truthfully, he wasn't sure why it was still armed since he had nothing to wake up for anymore.

The alarm jarringly skipped from the Danger Days opening to Brendon Urie screaming about something or other. Virgil groaned and wrapped a blanket over his head. He just didn't want to get up and he could feel it becoming an awful day already.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

After three more screaming emo songs, Virgil finally managed to sit up to the softer tones of Evanescence, rubbing at his eyes and groaning in general protest of the concept of mornings. More like mournings.

He grabbed his favorite edgy hoodie and threw it on over his nightshirt, yawning as he smacked the shit out of the alarm clock. Wincing at the cracks and pops in his joints as he stood, Virgil made his way over to the full length mirror hot glued to his bedroom door. Most of his decorations were hot glued in place because of Ryuk.

As if on cue, the slinky little black kitten pushed her way in the slightly ajar door, meowing her own protest against Virgil’s inability to wake up and feed her promptly in the morning. Virgil smiled softly and bent down, petting her and ruffling the fur between her ears.

"Easy, baby. I'll get your food soon," he promised as the kitten stretched up to paw at the strings of his hoodie. Ryuk was about the only one in his life who he let see him without his daily make-up routine, and the only one who didn't flinch upon seeing his dead black soulmark.

Virgil scooped her up and stood to examine himself. The deep dark markings under his eyes and streaking down his cheeks to his neck were a complete enigma. Most soulmarks were on shoulders, hips, hands, or elbows, places people commonly accidentally bumped each other. He had no idea who would touch his face this way the first time they met. It didn't look like a kiss, it looked like he was going to get beat up and his soulmark was just the dark omen of how shit his soulmate would be.

He sighed and let Ryuk perch on his shoulder- he swore his cat wanted to be a parrot- and pulled out his concealer from the make-up bag on his dresser. Ryuk watched carefully as he covered the dark soulmark, the little kitten hardly blinking. She only shifted her weight to counterbalance Virgil’s movements.

Several layers of concealer and foundation later, Virgil’s face looked as pasty as a boo ghost made of a bed sheet. He smiled sharply, grabbing eye liner because emo has got to emo and finishing the look with black lipstick. He didn’t bother to cover up the three pads of his fingers that were inky black. Hardly anyone noticed them. Ryuk meowed her support of her dark strange dad and jumped all the way to the floor, waiting impatiently for Virgil to follow.

"Alright! Food time," Virgil giggled and opened the door for her. At least Janus had left him the cat, right?

Virgil frowned as his thoughts swirled right back around to his ex. Of course they knew they weren't soulmates, but it had been reassuring being with someone else who had a strange facial soulmark. And Janus had been amazing at helping Virgil stay calm and focused enough to survive reasonably well despite near crippling anxiety.

That was until Virgil found out Janus had been lying about his soulmark for the three years they were together.

For three years, that snake had been covering up his activated soulmark with black makeup, making Virgil think he didn't know exactly who he was supposed to be with. All so he could live rent free and do almost nothing to contribute to their household, because Janus' actual soulmate wanted him to get a job. Sometimes, Virgil even wondered if the man he'd shared his bed with was actually gay. 

The break up had left Virgil absolutely devastated, and Ryuk was the only good thing to come of the relationship. So he spoiled her as responsibly as he could, taking care of the only being who truly loved him.

Depressing. Welcome to the life of the most pathetic-

Ryuk mewled as if to chastise Virgil for delaying feeding her even longer. Virgil followed the little black kitten down to the kitchen, stretching and trying to forget the previous train of thought. He picked up Ryuk’s personalized food dish (that had been an awkward request at Pet’s Mart), dumping the few soggy pellets left over from the night before and giving the dish a good rinse. He rubbed it dry with a towel while Ryuk sat patiently at his feet, waiting for her food now that she knew Virgil was actually working on it. 

He set the bowl on the counter and reached up to the cabinet where he kept her food. “Soon, pretty kitty. Just be patient for me,” he cooed at her, finding a small amount of pleasure in her responsive mew. He smiled until his hand hit nothing but the wooden shelf of the cabinet.

“What the-” Virgil’s attention snapped right back to the cabinet, swearing when he discovered that Ryuk had finished the last of their food stores last night. He groaned and glanced down at the expectant kitten, “I am so sorry- I forgot to stock up, baby.”

Ryuk tilted her head, not understanding why the magic food door wasn’t providing her the food she desperately needed to survive in this house.

“Shit- I’ll be right back-” Virgil stepped away from the counter, followed by a loud cat cry protest. He winced, hating to leave her wanting as he found a pair of ripped up black skinny jeans to throw on. The last thing he wanted right now was an impromptu shopping trip, but that was exactly what was happening. 

Ryuk kept meowing as Virgil slipped on his favorite Converse and nudged her away from the door so he could leave. He locked the door and double checked by trying to open it before walking briskly down the sidewalk with head down. 

Of course he’d forgotten his headphones to drown out the annoying shoppers around him. Virgil’s mood soured more with each step towards the store. It was truly shaping up to be a terrible day.

Virgil glanced around as he entered the store with his hood pulled all the way up. He felt acutely aware of how suspicious he looked right now. But that couldn’t be helped. He just wanted to grab Ryuk’s food and get out of there as soon as possible. He made a beeline for the Pets section, scanning the shelves for her preferred brand. He sighed in relief seeing there was one bag left. He bent down to pick it up when he heard a loud shrill whistle behind him.

“Day-um! What an ass! Is there another bag down there, sweet cheeks?”

Virgil inhaled sharply and stood up slowly, clutching the bag to his chest, “N-no, and I need this bag-” he balked at the acrid smell of pickle brine and sharp tangy iron coming from the barely dressed person standing far too close to him. He took a tentative step back toward the shelves.

“Fuck! You just had to take that one- it’s the only brand that tastes any good! Can’t your pooch or whatever settle for something else?” The person wearing what Virgil could only describe as a studded lime green bikini bottom and full body fishnets was staring at him, hands firmly on their hips. Virgil noted a nonbinary they/them pin before a wave of nausea washed over him as the smell intensified and mixed with a very deep seated feeling that this stranger was about to attack him over cat food.

“N-no, Ryuk only eats this,” He managed to stammer.

“Wait- like from Death Note?” their eyes gleamed with recognition, “You named your dog after a Shinigami?”

“She’s a cat!” Virgil exclaimed, taking another backward step and gulping as his back hit the edges of the shelving behind him, knocking a few bags off, “please- please leave me alone-”

“Hey, I’m just trying to negotiate here,” they complained, stepping closer instead. Virgil could feel tears welling up in his eyes as his terror skyrocketed.

“Go- leave- please leave me alone-” He whispered as they stepped right up in his face. He felt his logical brain shutting down, wishing he wasn’t pinned against the shelves so he could run. 

“Whoa- for one, you’re really cute,” The stranger smiled a strange wide grin, “I’d love to get to know you- wait- are you crying? What the shit?”

Virgil’s knees buckled underneath him and he slid the ground, clutching the cat food like it was his only lifeline. His breathing was rapid and shallow as he curled in on himself, praying the stranger would go away. 

“Woah, buddy, I didn’t mean-”

The stench of the rude stranger with zero sense of personal boundaries increased tenfold and Virgil felt as if he was about to pass out. 

— — —  

Remus stared at the emo laying in the fetal position at their feet. Goddamn it they’d been trying to come across less creepy when they were flirting. They crouched down and tried to gently push the man’s hood off his face to see if he was still conscious. 

How the fuck did things like this keep happening to Remus?

They saw the tears slipping down the man’s cheek. Oh fuck-

“Woah, buddy, I didn’t mean-”

The emo clutched at the bag of cat food and didn’t even respond to their voice. Remus figured the best  way to help would be to help him ground himself so they  could apologize for being so terrifying. Not that they were trying to be scary. If people were scared of them, that was their problem and Remus would not take responsibility for it. 

They kneeled in front of the man and reached out slowly, “hey- can you take a deep breath with me? Shit dude, I really didn’t mean to scare you over a bag of kibble-” When the man didn’t respond, only crying softly and breathing like a bunny, Remus inhaled and swore under their breath. Fuck Fuck Fuck. What would a smart person do? Remus sighed. If they knew that answer, they wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. 

Gently they reached to cup the man’s face, wiping their thumbs at the tears staining his bottom eyelids. No sooner had Remus touched the man than his hand came up to smack his wrist away. Remus gasped and pulled back, their palms and wrist stinging.

Remus rubbed their wrist and harrumphed, “I’m just trying to help!” They glanced back at the stranger and gasped. Shimmery purple glowed beneath what looked like several layers of makeup on the man’s face. It spread from under his eyes to all the way down his neck. Remus stared, absolutely transfixed. Of course they had seen activated soulmarks before. But they’d never caused an activation…

Remas gasped again and spread their palms out in front of them. They started in disbelief at the green shimmery swirls that settled into a Lichtenberg figure before their eyes. They knew soulmarks sometimes formed into patterns that represented the soulmate. They looked back at the man on the ground to find him staring at his fingers, the ones he’d used to smack Remus away.

“Holy shit-” 

“Read my mind, emo. What’s your name?”

The man blinked up at Remus as if taking them in for the first time.

“Oh- Oh it’s really you…”

Remus grinned, “yeah- sorry that was so stressful.”

“I- yeah, but it’s fine,” the man shrugged, “I’m… MyNameIsVirgil,” he rushed out and Remus grinned, “he/him, by the way. I saw your pin.”

Remus nodded, “thank you, Virgil. Remus. God, I want to see your mark without all that makeup… but maybe that’s a second date idea.”

Virgil laughed sharply, “that’s assuming there’s a first!”

“There better be! I have got to meet this shinigami pussy that’s been stealing my food!”

“You… eat cat food? For real?’

Remus shrugged, “It’s cheap. Please?”

Virgil sat up and offered Remus his hand, “what’s with the ninja stars?”

Remus broke into raucous laughter, “Oh Fuck! Lolo is not gonna believe this-���

Virgil squinted, “Who? No. Too much to process right now. Um.. could you please let me get up?”

Remus scooted away on the linoleum floor, giving Virgil space to get his legs beneath him. They stood and offered Virgil a hand, subtly showing off the lightning soulmark. 

“Woah- oh that’s- is gorgeous okay?” Virgil asked, staring at the mark.

“Yeah, for sure.” Remus nodded and offered again to help him up. “Let’s go pay and talk this out at your place.”

Virgil paused a long moment before eventually nodding in agreement. He took their hand and stood, admiring how they held his hand gently yet still supported him enough to get up. Remus twisted the hold to interlock their fingers with his. Something about the gesture felt incredibly comforting. 

Virgil smiled weakly and followed him to the checkout. His heart was still racing, but he suspected for a different reason now. 

The real test would be how Ryuk took to this new person. 

— — —

Virgil stood in his bathroom with the door ajar, carefully wiping the makeup off his soul mark while Remus played with Ryuk in the living room. She very much enjoyed snagging her claws on their fishnets and they seemed absolutely delighted with the kitten. Virgil sighed softly and kept wiping away at the layers, marveling as sparkly purple tentacles revealed themselves, twisting and turning all over the previously dead black area. His lip trembled and the rag dropped from his fingers.

He met his actual soulmate, and they’d turned his greatest fear and shame into something so beautiful.

Remus gasped from behind him, staring in the mirror at the swirly purple soulmark. “Oh my god- Virge-”

Virgil smiled back at them in the mirror before turning to face them, “Yes?”

“You’re super pretty now- and that ass is still magnificent. Do- do you want to date?”

“Let’s get to know each other a bit better before getting all official with labels,” Virgil chuckled, reaching to pull Remus close. 

Ryuk mewed and headbutted at Remus’ leg, feeling left out of the family hug. Both of them grinned and Virgil let her climb him back up to his shoulder before hugging Remus close.

After all, she’d basically set them up.

[jungle321jungle]

I Don't Know How To Mend The Heart, But You Can Speak Your Mind

There were many fears new parents had, but quite frankly Virgil’s list of fears was ten times longer than most. And yet somehow he still knew Janus’ list was longer than his. But he didn’t know what he could do other than listen, and be present. So for now, he would hold Janus tight and whisper words that likely fell on deaf ears. Just as long as he could do something... as long as he could do something.

aka Janus is dealing with grief, and Virgil tries to help

Ao3 - Masterlist 

I Don't Know How To Mend The Heart, But You Can Speak Your Mind

There were many fears new parents had, but quite frankly Virgil’s list of fears was ten times longer than most. And yet somehow he still knew Janus’ list was longer than his. He wanted to know- to ask about those worries, he wanted to ask how to best help the one he loved. But asking would only upset Janus wouldn’t it? But then again… what would staying silent do?

Virgil took a deep breath before he spoke, “How are you feeling?”

Janus tore his eyes away from the sight of their sleeping baby with visible effort, and then he whispered, “I don’t even know. I still can’t believe we finally brought him home.”

Despite himself Virgil couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “It’s almost been a month, Jan.”

“Still! He’s just so tiny and perfect.”

With that Virgil could agree. Logan was an adorable baby, anyone could see that, and so far he hadn’t been too difficult to care for. But he was also a one month old who spent all his time eating and sleeping, so Virgil knew the complications were just beginning. “I agree, however… that’s not what I was talking about.”

“What do you mean then?”

When their gaze locked, Virgil could see the pure love and joy that resided in his husband’s eyes. But at the same time just beyond that was the pain and fear that Virgil hoped to never truly understand… and he wondered if Janus knew he could see that too. But ultimately he gave a sigh and shook his head and busied himself with taking a picture of their baby. He didn’t have to say something in this moment, or even today at all. But he would soon. Soon.

It was a few months before he got the courage to ask again. It came after they had fought to stay sane as they tried to get Logan to sleep despite the seemingly deafening thunderstorm outside (only winning the battle after the worst of the storm had finally subsided) and Janus had collapsed on their bed, spent. Moments later Virgil had joined him and relished in the comfort but a thought came to mind, “Are we going to need to buy him those noise canceling headphones? The ones people who bring babies to concerts have?”

“Let’s hope we never need to get to that point,” Janus replied with a yawn.

When the comfortable lull washed over them, Virgil couldn’t help but think to ruin it. But how? How to bring it up? Was there a way to do so without forcing his husband to feel that intense grief? Was there a way to ask his questions without making Janus cry? He wanted to help. He desperately did. But it almost felt like the only way he could help was to bring a sledgehammer to Janus’ psyche. There had to be another way. There had to be. But… but what if he waited too long? What if… what if Janus fell apart by himself? That thought was enough for fear to rise within him, just enough of it to ask a question.

“What are you thinking about all of this in general? I mean you-” the rest of his question was lost as Janus’ hand covered his mouth.

“Love?” Janus started in that way which said no conversation would be held. “Can we just sleep before he wakes up again?”

At Virgil’s nod, Janus gave a sigh of relief and removed his hand. He was quick to climb under the blankets rather than laying on top of them, and Virgil knew he’d be asleep soon. He couldn’t ask today.

He may have waited too long. But he supposed that was easy to do when he had been avoiding the topic for months.

But he knew he had waited too long, because he could see the change in Janus. He could see the slow spidering cracks of the dam that Janus held everything behind. And yet Janus still wouldn’t say a thing about it himself. He wouldn’t say a word- he wouldn’t utter that name- but Virgil watched as more and more often Janus took to running his fingers over the tattoo on his forearm. It was of a teddy bear, one that was light blue that had gotten darker with time and love, and one which looked quite like the photos Virgil had seen of the actual toy that existed. It was a tattoo with far too much significance… and it would have to be the dam’s wrecking ball.

This time Virgil didn’t start with words. He simply put Logan in his crib and retreated to his bedroom and sat beside his husband on their bed. Janus moved slightly to make him more comfortable, but his eyes were still on the TV, and his fingers still ghosting over his only tattoo. Until Virgil placed a hand on top of his fingers.

Janus froze in place as if he was scared or embarrassed at being caught doing the action. The only thing which moved were his eyes that widened in shock before he shut them tight as if steeling himself for what was to come.

This time Virgil didn’t ask how Janus was feeling, because he knew Janus was capable of telling him anything when he was ready. So all he said was, “I’m willing to listen. But you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Janus took a deep yet shaky breath before he looked back to the TV with eyes wet from tears he refused to shed, but he didn’t push Virgil’s hand away. His eyes were on the TV but Virgil knew Janus wasn’t watching it. No, Janus was debating every and anything about his life as he tried to put together the most “proper” response. The one thing he could say to fix any and every problem.

Janus was known for having quite the silver tongue, and his quick wit. And yet here and now as the seconds passed he seemed to have lost all such ability.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said finally. He said softly. So soft that Virgil had to strain to hear it.

“That’s okay.”

“No it’s not.”

“Why?”

Janus’ jaw clenched as his mind inevitably raced. “I don’t know what to do,” he said again.

Virgil wanted to pull Janus close to him. To hold him tight and let him cry until he fell asleep, but also knew that Janus wouldn’t allow himself to do that. So Virgil took Janus’s free hand in his. “You don’t need to know.”

“Then how will I do anything different? What if- what if…”

Janus couldn’t bring himself to say it, but Virgil understood anyway. “You can’t control everything Jan… accidents are accidents.”

“But still! I-” Janus’ body shook as everything bubbled inside him, but still he kept his tears from falling. “What if things are worse?” He forced out. “What if… Logan’s not even a year- what if I… what if I mess up again?”

“You didn’t mess up before.”

“Then why-”

“It was an accident.”

“But I should’ve done something! If I wasn’t late! If I had run faster! If I had done anything then Patton he-”

The name was the cue for every tear to flow, and for Janus to collapse into Virgil. Virgil held him tight as Janus finally let himself be honest, and yet Virgil still wished he could do more.

They had been dating over a year before Virgil had first heard of Patton. One of Janus’ friends had been the first person to say something about him but they hadn’t explained so it had been a few weeks of confusion before Janus had opened up. He had told Virgil of a high school romance and an unplanned pregnancy. He spoke of the birth of a baby boy they called Patton. He would speak quickly and happily as he reminisced on those amazing four years- before he’d go quiet as his thoughts turned to why they had ended.

An accident is what Janus always called it. But after hearing the explanation, Virgil didn’t think it was that. An accident implied that something was done wrongly, and yet no one had been in the wrong. Janus had told him about how he had been late to meet his son and then girlfriend at the park after his boss had asked him to do something, and then he had fought with traffic. He would tell how he had been walking up waving to where they had stood waiting for him at the top of the concrete stairs, and how a little boy holding a faded, light blue teddy bear excitedly had rushed down the stairs towards him…

And how that boy had fallen.

And how no one had been fast enough to catch him.

Janus called it an accident, but Virgil didn’t agree. And yet Virgil used the word his husband did, because he knew it was the only way Janus could truly rationalize. Because this way Janus had someone to blame- even if he always chose to blame himself.

Virgil held his husband wishing he could do more than he was. He wished he could promise there would be no accidents of any sort. He wished he could control the entire world so such a thing had never even happened. He wished he could do anything to take Janus’ pain away. Anything more than just listening.

Despite Janus’ assurances, Virgil had known adopting Logan would be hard on Janus. But he also knew how excited and eager Janus was to have a baby, because he had felt the same happiness. But he didn’t know that grief. So he didn’t know what he could do other than listen, and be present. So for now, he would hold Janus tight and whisper words that likely fell on deaf ears. Just as long as he could do something... as long as he could do something.

“Do you want to visit him?”

Janus’ red eyes looked up from where he was poking at his dinner as his mind processed the question, before his gaze fell back to the barely touched plate. “I… We’re states over.”

Virgil gave a shrug, “Yes well, that’s true. But I also know there’s a long weekend coming up. And your mom has been texting both of us almost daily about when she can see Logan again. We can add an extra day to that, and then we could have a little road trip.”

“You make it sound like your dads don’t do the same.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

Janus paused in thought before he stood up, and for a brief moment panic spiked within Virgil as he thought Janus was just going to walk off. But instead he rounded the kitchen table and moved beside Virgil.

“Is that a yes?” Virgil asked, confused.

Warm arms circling him and the head on his shoulder told him it was.

So Virgil hugged him back, “I’m always here.”

“Thank you. I… just thank you, Virgil.”

“You’re welcome.”

[aollosjustlurking]

"my tears ricochet" -taylor swift is just an angsty convo between virgil and janus.

as proof i present some lyrical analysis

We gather here, we line up

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

This is the opening to the conversation, a reference to the hatred that has grown between the two of them. Personally I believe that Virgil used to have some resemblance of a positive relationship with Janus before he was accepted. Whether his acceptance was the beginning of the turning point or the straw the camel's back is up to interpretation.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

For Janus I interpret him not going "with grace" as him not just letting Virgil leave. Shortly after Virgil is accepted Janus introduces himself to Thomas, thus introducing the topic of "dark sides". This as well as the moment in the court room where Janus publicly alludes to Virgil's past his him "not going with grace".

I think he would see Virgil trying to distance himself from the dark sides, "saving face" as it were. If not to Thomas than at least to the light sides.

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

When Janus reveals himself in Selfishness vs Selflessness, Virgil quickly joins the video. One could see this moment as Virgil still being in spaces Janus is in, despite Janus being "dead to him".

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

The mention of a wedding is interesting in the context in two ways. The most simple being that they've argued over whether Thomas should go to a wedding and whether or not they are important. The second would have to do with your own personal thoughts on how past anxciet was.

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

This goes back to Janus not being able to let Virgil leave peacefully. He doesn't necessarily want to "haunt" Virgil, but what is he to do?

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

It's a much more literal idea with a line about Virgil "leaving" than Janus. He not only left the dark sides, but he warns Thomas about them. He tells Thomas to not let them stay around. To me that's pretty graceless.

The second line here would again be a reference to a time their relationship was better. Maybe when they were younger. I imagine Janus consoling Virgil during a time where he was scared, encouraging him to keep going. Virgil is now using that advice against Janus.

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

This would just be the inverse to the previous chorus. If Virgil is nothing to Janus now, why does he feel the need to pop up in videos now? Why does he need to dangle the truth about Virgil in front of Thomas' nose?

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

Now, I would say Virgil probably sees the light sides as home, but for the sake of this analysis let's say he's referring to the dark sides. He would be flaunting to Janus that Thomas accepts him, though he knows he's lost what he previously had.

On the other hand, he could be saying that though the light sides are his home, he can still never fully feel like apart of the group due to his history.

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

Janus can continue to badger Virgil, but at the end of the day Virgil's not going to return to the dark sides.

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I don't have much to say here other than imagine the two of them up at night thinking about the other.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

For this I think about every time Virgil uses the term "other sides" rather than dark sides. Despite not wanting to be with them anymore and wanting Thomas to be wary of them, he won't demote them to "dark sides". Now one could see this simply as him trying to condition Thomas in order to be in a better place for when Thomas knows his past, but I believe he also still has some sympathy for them. It probably hurts him just a bit to demote them, even if that is secondary to his anger.

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

The previous hostility to Anxiety didn't just start when the series started, and from the Moving On episode we know this has been going on since at least their teenage years. The resentment and fear that Virgil probably had towards the light sides during those years was probably well known to Janus. In this line he's commenting on how Virgil is now what he previously resented and fought.

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

Virgil actively hates Janus openly. In the court room episode we see this clearly when Janus is first allowed to stay. One could see this as "tossing out blame". I feel as though he would relate to the light sides about how terrible Deceit is at first maybe to gain more acceptance with them and later more truthfully as their relationship collapsed.

Now, Virgil has been seen to give importance to his past as it's built who he is. However, I don't think he sits around reminiscing about his time with the dark sides (at least not openly). Janus probably sees Virgil's entire movement away from and hatred for the dark sides as him forgetting the good years.

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

so there you have a lovely convo between these angsty boys.

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

When Darkness Turns to Light - Chapter 5

description: a flashback to a scene just after the episode “Can Lying be Good?” Virgil deals with complicated histories between him and Deceit, and the weight that past bears on him today. 

relationships: past Anxciet (open to interpretation)

characters: just my boi virgil, but other characters mentioned 

warnings: anxiety attacks, spiralling, previous anxiety (that is worse than current) lying centric stuff  //  Janus and Virgil’s relationship is complicated!! 

let me know if anything needs tagging- or a better way of warning for stuff im still learning!

this fic treats all characters as sympathetic, but that doesn’t mean all character have always had healthy relationships with each other. character views do not always necessarily reflect those of the author 

first chapter

previous chapter / next chapter

We Wrote Our Names in Blood

Virgil closes his eyes, letting the darkness surround him as he digs deep into his blankets. The blackness comforts him, makes it easier to block out everything else. It didn’t always, when things got really bad he couldn’t even find peace in the dark, it just filled his mind with a hundred monsters that could be hiding there. Remus was often nearby in those times. But now he can wallow under his covers properly, drowning in his music and pretending there’s nothing beyond his small cocoon. Maybe if he’s lucky the sun will go supernova and he’ll never have to get out of bed again.

Eventually he hears knocks at the door, Patton calling him down for dinner. He doesn’t answer, even though it cuts crystal clear trough the noise of his headphones. His stomach curls as he hears the footsteps walking away. He knows Patton is disappointed. He loves big family dinners, but he doesn’t complain about Virgil missing them anymore. Virgil has the sneaking suspicion Logan had a conversation with him about it. but that doesn’t mean Virgil cant still tell that Patton wishes he would come out of his room more. he cant even really give a reason why he’s missing it today.

Maybe it’s easier to pretend it’s his only source of guilt.

Virgil was squirming in place the entire video – he’d never thought he’d be so grateful to be shoved backstage – he knew something wasn’t right. When he realised what was happening he ran through every terrible scenario he could think of, all the things Deceit could do posing as Thomas’ Morality, but even he hadn’t expected Deceit to actually show his face.

Virgil had known Deceit could impersonate the other sides, he had often used his shape-shifting to entertain Virgil before… He shakes the thought out of his head. But it wasn’t until “Patton” showed up and it had been so wrong that he had even considered Deceit could perform for the others too. Maybe that’s all their friendship had ever been. A performance.

No. He shouldn’t feel guilty for the life he left behind. He doesn’t feel guilty. He’s better now. Thomas is better now. Janus, Deceit, is no good for them. Instead of guilt, anger washes over him, he isn’t even sure who he’s angry at anymore. Deceit feels like the easiest answer.

That’s the problem though, Deceit always felt like an easy answer.  A rush in his bloodstream, an easy lie to cover all the flaws he didn’t want anyone to see. They can’t hate you is they don’t even know who you are. In the end the hangover always catches you. Trying to keep track of all of the lies, the constant fear of discovery. Of inadequacy. Then you have to reach for more lies to cover your tracks, and the fear of being found out consumes you, but you’re even more terrified of coming clean. You’re already in too deep for that.

Virgil’s heart races.

One, two, three, four.

He had kept track of all of his lies, scribbled in the margins of notebooks, categorised as best as he can. The terror of slipping him up spurring him onwards.

Count to seven.

He feels like he’s going to burst from the inside out, and he’s terrified of what will come pouring out if he does.

Breathe for eight.

he remembers the rush of relief he felt every time a lie fell apart. Every time he could scratch it from his mind. stop thinking about it and maintaining it. the inevitable fall out he had known would have to catch up eventually was finally there and he could stop living in suspense; too terrified to take action himself.

Virgil’s heart slows as his breathing steadies, and he’s just left feeling… empty. It aches inside him.

He can feel where all of his missing pieces would fit right in next to Deceit’s, but he shakes the feeling away. Like a bone that needs to be broken so it can heal properly. Things are better this way. He’ll be fine.

By the time he drags himself out of bed, Roman is making breakfast. No one mentions his absence the night before, but Patton’s eyes are full of worry as Virgil swings up onto his usual counter-top. He forces an easy smile, making vague comments about the food. Patton takes the hint, and the conversation is brushed to the side. Virgil just wishes he could so easily shake the feeling that maybe some of Deceit’s influences are so deeply embedded in him he could never lose them

----

I really wish I could say I’m anywhere close to the end of this angst, but like i have several more chapters written and honestly personally speaking, the angst in the next chapter is worse, tho it at least has some(?) fluff in there with it

sorry this one is so short, but the next one is a monster of a chapter and I’ll be dropping that later this week (hopefully friday?)

tbh i had a lot of difficulty being happy with this chapter but I’m calling it here for now, because i just have to get it out of the way and move on hope y’all enjoy it anyway, im really looking forward to the next chapter

taglist: @booklover223 @cemmy @selenechris @god0fspoons @sweet-hibiscus-tea-art

let me know if you want to be tagged in future chapters!

[acrylic-apricots]

Descendants AU 2/?

Tw: Remus, Remy, Deceit. (Tell me if there's anything else...)

Pairing(s): Eventual Prinxiety, Logicality, past Dukexiety, past Anxceit.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roman headed out to the front of the school, adjusting his tie as he walked. Amber was already watching for the new kids in her red and gold dress, the edge of her skirt just below the knee.

Roman's parents had paired the two together just a few years before. He didn't like it, but he didn't have a choice. Not if he couldn't find another royal that he liked. But, for now, he'd just have to deal with Amber.

The limousine drove up to the school, stopping to drop the new students off. The first one to get out seemed to have a mischievous demeanor. He held out a hand of cards, talking to another new student.

"Dean, most likely..." Roman thought.

The next one seemed to be familiar. Almost as if he'd seen that face before. He had a moustache, and talked to the boy with the sunglasses. He had a... unique demeanor to him.

"Remus..." Roman thought.

The boy with the sunglasses had a conch shell necklace around his neck. He seemed to be the most calm type, a little less like his mother.

"Remy..." Roman thought to himself.

A boy with faded purple in his hair walked out. His hair was swept away from his face and his makeup was still pristine, almost as if he'd done it in the limousine. His black dress shirt was accompanied with a purple suit jacket. He had the top button of his dress shirt open and stayed a little farther away.

"Prince Virgil..." Roman thought, a little relieved. He appreciated the style that Virgil brought to the school right off the bat. He felt like it was going to be okay, despite his father's wishes for Virgil to be with his mother in the tower. His face got a little hot once Virgil looked at him. Virgil warmly smiled at the prince. Remus looked over at the two of them, immediately envious. Remus had just gotten Virgil back and now someone was stealing him away again.

"That's okay," Remus thought, "I'll get him back one way or another."

[romanasanders]

I know I could try looking for something new

But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you

[metaphysical-human-being]

I don't know if anyone has said this yet but Two Birds by Regina Spektor would make for some great Anxciet angst

[therubyjailcell]

That Thing We Used To Have - [Anxceit angst]

Sometimes, I write things in a discord server and then end up deciding I should share it here.

Past Anxceit, angst with no happy ending (for now, unless they give us one in canon).

TW: None that I can think of? Tell me if needed.

--

Before he left, before he met them, Deceit and Anxiety were dating. They spent so much time together, and they had their habits, couple habits, habits of cuddling, and rambling to each other about whatever upset them, chatting, everything. Whenever they were together, they got to be more... loose. Dee wasn't feeling so conscious about his scales, so he wouldn't be wearing his gloves, cape, hat. Anx wasn't feeling so worried, so he would sometimes let his hoodie aside, or even simply stop hiding behind his hair. They were good, together. They reassured each other.

And then Anxiety decided he wanted to see what was going up there, in the light sides' realm. So he went and saw how it was there. Once. Twice. Thrice. And as time passed, he was going back, more and more. Soon, Dee started growing upset about his partner never being around anymore. He had asked him not to go back several times, saying it was starting to turn into an obsession. Virgil didn't listen. So Dee confronted him. They fought, hard. Said things they didn't believe, words too big to erase. And Virgil left completely. Never returned. And Deceit didn't try to follow him. Maybe if he had, maybe if Virgil had tried coming to check on him... But none of them did. They were too stubborn.

And when Dee saw Virgil again. He had changed his outfit, he was wearing colors, he was smiling at the others. And Deceit grew angry. They had taken his Anx. They had stolen his heart, gotten into his mind. Well, he'd get him back. He'd take everything Virgil loved on the other side, and drag them all down with him. So Virgil, Anxiety, would come back to him.

And when Virgil saw Deceit again. The other was wearing his full outfit, his gloves, his hat, his cape. He was smirking and lying and deceiving. And Virgil felt his heart break. Because that wasn't his Dee anymore. Because Virgil had hurt Deceit too bad, and changed him. It was all his fault. And he took his anger on Deceit, when all he really hated was himself for not trying to take Dee with him when he left.

[originallysandersides]

So Deceit and Virgil and a past!abusive relationship (when he was with the dark sides?) and now he’s with Roman but deceit comes back wanting Virgil back with him and with the dark sides and Deciet sings ‘You’ll Be Back’ from Hamilton

(“Oceans rise, EMPIRES (roman) fall”)

did that whole idea make sense?

[daised-daisy]

“No, please! Please, you can torture me all you want! I’ll let you do anything! Just don't hurt him!” With anxciet?

Ships: Anxceit

Word Count: 1,079

Warnings: unsympathetic!Orange side and he’s really creepy

~

It was what had suddenly become a normal night. Janus sat between Patton and Roman, who was bouncing on the couch cushion as he sat, rambling to Janus about… something. Janus had lost track of the topic long ago. He just nodded along and prayed Roman wouldn’t ask any questions.

“You’re not listening,” Roman said suddenly.

Damn.

“I’m sorry, my fair prince. I got lost in thought,” Janus said, playfully ruffling Roman’s hair. Roman giggled. “What were you saying?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Forget it,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. He then grinned and leaned closer to whisper in a teasing tone, “You were staring at Virgil again. I think somebody’s got a crush.” Janus scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“That’s absurd,” he said.

“Don’t bother denying it, Slither-Me-Timbers. I’m an expert on romance. I know it when I see it,” Roman said proudly, putting a hand on his chest.

“So what if you’re right?” Janus said, blushing and looking away.

“You should talk to him,” Roman said. Janus sighed.

“Why? So he can yell at me for going near you? So he can tell me again how he doesn't want me around and that I should leave you all alone?” he asked.

“Janus, I told you I could sense romantic feelings. Do you think I’d send you over there if I didn't sense some in Virgil for you?” Roman pointed out.

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Janus grumbled just quietly enough so Roman couldn’t hear.

“I can feel it,” Roman continued. “Deep inside of him, he still loves you as the friend that you were to him for all those years and there’s even more on top of that.” Janus just shook his head.

“No, Roman. You’re wrong this time,” he claimed. “And even if you aren’t and it is there deep down, he’ll never let it out. It's buried in his hatred for me and I don’t have the tools or the strength to dig it out.” Roman frowned. He opened his mouth to say more, but a flash in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He gasped.

There in the center of the mind’s version of the living room stood the one side all five of the others could agree on their hatred for. In a sparkling orange tuxedo with an equally dazzling top hat, Orange smirked as he took in the other side’s shocked and scared expressions.

“Stay away, you son of a—” Roman began, drawing his sword and stepping towards him. Orange rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist towards him, sending him flying backwards into the couch before he could finish his threat.

“Oh Roman,” he said, shaking his head. “Still always assuming everything is about you.” Logan rushed to Roman’s side, pulling him close and holding him protectively while he glared fearfully at Orange. “I’m not here for your precious prince. I’m here for him.” He grabbed at Janus’s capelet, yanking him close to him. “And…” He started looking around. His gaze landed on Patton.

“Ah! Morality! So good to see you,” Orange said, stepping towards him.

“You touch him and you die,” Virgil growled. Orange’s face suddenly lit up. “Logan, get them out of here.”

“Kitten!” he exclaimed, opening his arms up as he turned towards Virgil. Meanwhile, Logan scooped Roman up and carried him out of the room, Patton following behind. “There you are!” He pulled Virgil into a tight hug before he could protest, one hand going into Virgil’s hair and yanking his head back so he looked up at him. “Oh how I’ve missed you. You’re such a naughty boy running away from me like that. And now you gave Janus the idea too.”

“Let go of him!” Janus demanded.

“A misbehavior such as this won’t go unpunished,” Orange said, ignoring Janus, who saw the fear fill Virgil’s eyes as Orange leaned down and whispered something into his ear, presumably his punishment.

“No, stop!” Janus pleaded, wanting to intervene but finding his feet frozen in place.

Orange let go of Virgil, but only to quickly grab him by the wrist moments after. He did the same to Janus, starting to drag them along.

“No, please! Please!” Janus begged, yanking his arm from Orange’s grasp and stepping between him and Virgil. “You can punish me all you want. I’ll go with you peacefully. I’ll let you do anything! Just don’t hurt him!”

Virgil’s eyes widened at Janus’s words. And though he’d never admit it, even to himself, his heart fluttered in his chest.

Orange’s begrudged expression slowly turned into a smirk that made Janus sick to his stomach. He grabbed him. “Deal!” But as soon as the word passed his lips, a loud clang erupted from just behind him, and he crumpled to the floor, revealing Roman standing behind him clutching a frying pan.

“Ha! Not so tough now, are you?” he said, putting his boot on his back and forcing him to sink out back into the dark side of the mind.

“Roman!” Logan shouted frantically as he ran in. He paused when he noticed Roman’s success. “Oh.”

“Okay, come on, let’s go watch Tangled,” Roman said. “You said you’d watch it with me if this worked.”

“Falsehood. You proposed that bet and ran off before I could disagree to it, which I had planned to do in favor of telling you what a stupid idea it was,” Logan corrected, though he didn’t resist when Roman hooked his arm in his and pulled him away. Before Roman left, he glanced back at Janus and winked.

“Janus..?” Virgil said once they were gone.

“Yes?”

“Were you really..? Did you really try to sacrifice yourself… for me?” he asked. Janus nodded.

“I love you,” he said. “I’ve always loved you. As my dearest friend, and even more.” Virgil was speechless. He opened his mouth quick a few times to try and speak, but closed it seconds later each time when no words came out. Finally, in a fit of frustration at his inability to express how he felt and what Janus’s words meant to him, he grabbed Janus’s capelet and yanked him closer until their faces were just inches apart.

“Can I...?” Janus asked when Virgil looked at him expectantly. He nodded and Janus closed the gap between them.

When they pulled apart, Virgil’s tongue finally became of use again for him.

“We should talk,” he said. “I think I have some apologizing to do.”

[the-sympathetic-villain]

A Life For A Life - Chapter 3

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

A/N: It took me a while to circle back to this one, but on the bright side, I’ve written ahead so the next two chapters or so should follow shortly after this one! :)

Prompt by @local-space-case: Prince Roman and his two loyal friends, Patton and Logan, are on the hunt for a dragon. Meanwhile, Dragonshifter!Janus  is just trying to find the right herbs to cure a sick/injured  Dragonshifter!Virgil. Bonus points for Anxciet and/or Protective Remus.

Word Count: 2006

Chapter warnings: Romantic relationships, Mentions of killing, Mentions of blood, Mentions of death/dying, Injuries, Poisoning (Let me know if you’d like me to add anything!)

---

    “By all standards, sire, I cannot recommend this course of action.” Logan stated, noting the frustration in the prince's eyes as he paced the cave's entrance. “There are far too many unknown variables involved here for me to conclude this is a safe course of action.”

    “We can't just leave now, Logan.” Roman growled through gritted teeth as he gestured to the dark opening into the earth. “The beast was ours to take.”

    “We are forbidden from entering the tunnels, my prince. They are far too dangerous.”

    Roman let out a groan, looking helplessly at Logan's stern expression. “This journey is meant to prove that I am worthy of ascending to the crown. What kind of king would I be if I turned tail and ran at the very first sign of trouble?”

    “A living one, Roman.” Logan sighed as gestured toward Roman. “This trial is not merely meant to challenge your physical strength but your wisdom as well. Your bravery is admirable, but your safety should be your first priority.”

    “You said yourself the beast is unlikely to keep moving for much longer.” Roman pleaded, moving towards Logan. “More than likely all we need to do is retrieve our trophy. I'd wager we'd be in and out in under an hour.”

    “I'm not so certain, your highness.” Logan whispered as he raised a finger to his jaw, pondering the situation. “Something has changed for the creature in the last stretch of the journey.”

    Roman paused. His gaze lingered on Logan for a moment before following the man's gaze to the trampled undergrowth leading to the cave. “What do you mean?”

    “At the last point where the creature has stopped to rest, blood had pooled on the ground.” Logan mused as he pointed to the trampled underbrush along their path. “I see no trace of blood here and I believe it is self-evident  it is unusual that the trail seemed to end there.”

    “How could that be?”

    “I am uncertain.” Logan let out a breath, straightening his glasses. “But to me, this indicates there is even more reason not to interfere with forces unknown.”

    Roman took in the look on Logan’s face for a moment before turning to the cave in frustration. “I know you’re right, but the beast cannot have healed itself. We may not know everything we are facing, but surely it is a simpler task than starting over.”

    “Your safety is paramount, Roman.” Logan's gaze dropped and he crossed his arm across his chest. “We have to act rationally.”

    “You have to be as disappointed as I am, Logan.” Roman interrupted with growing desperation. “Finding another feat to prove my worth could take weeks or months.”

    “I know.”

    “Logan—"

    “It is still preferable to witnessing your death, Prince Roman.”

     Roman paused. Logan's words felt ice-cold as the man’s empty stare remained trained on the ground.

    “I cannot lose you." Logan continued. His muscles went limp with surrender as his façade dropped. “That would be a far worse outcome than needing to remain patient for the right opportunity.”

    “Logan—” Roman dropped his voice to a whisper as he stepped toward the man. “—None of the feats that would satisfy the court of my competency are without risk.”

    “Everything we encounter above ground is a calculated risk,” Logan clung to his reasoning, even as it slipped through his fingers. “but the underground of the forest is home to the most dangerous creatures in the world. Magical creatures, Roman.”

    “Well, that’s why I have you, right?”

    Logan’s eyes tipped to meet Roman's soft smile and his resolution to stop the prince faltered.

    “If my strength fails, we still have your magic." Roman whispered with a smile. “Right. Lo?”

    Logan’s heart fluttered, weak to the adoring glimmer in Roman’s eye as the prince caught Logan’s waist.

   “I do believe it goes against the rules for me to help you accomplish your task.”

     “I'm not asking you to help me cheat,” Roman reassured him, raising a hand to Logan’s cheek. “but if events take a turn and I'm unable to complete my task, you can get us out safely. Right?”

     “You’re right. Strictly speaking, it is not against regulation for me to assist you in fleeing a failed task.”

     Roman let out a soft breath as Logan leaned into his hand. “Then what are we risking, aside from a chance for me to give you your ‘happily ever after' a bit sooner?”

    “Roman, your task is meant to be solitary.”

    “My task is meant to show that the country’s leadership is in capable hands.” Roman whispered bringing Logan’s knuckles to his lips. “You are my strength, Logan. I would have to be a fool to ignore that.”

    Logan felt a redness dust his cheeks as Roman’s fingers curled into his own.

   “You are my shining starlight and I am so deeply in love with you that the rest of the world looks dull in comparison.” Roman breathed as he admired the subtle beauty of Logan’s smile. “I want to shower you with affection from the moment you open your eyes until you fall asleep in my arms at night. Hiding behind formality—Not being allowed to court you until I finish this trial—It's tearing me apart.”

    “Roman, you are too good to me.” Logan whispered as the prince pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

     “I do believe we just covered that I am not able to be good enough to you.”

    Logan smiled at the prince’s chuckling. “That is not the issue. You are simply restricted by your position.”

   Roman smirked as he brushed Logan’s soft hair out of his eyes. “Does that mean you’ll allow me the opportunity to ease the burden of our restrictions?”

    “I'll follow you anywhere, Roman. If this is what you choose to do, you’ll have my support.”

    “Good,” Roman let out a breathy laugh as he peeked over Logan’s shoulder at Patton's exasperated expression. “I'd kiss you right now, but I do believe your brother may consider regicide if I do.”

    “No, my Cain instinct is much stronger than th—"

     “He wouldn’t—” Logan hissed, hushing Patton with a glare.

     Patton pursed his lips and stuck his tongue out at Logan.

     “Patton, I swear—”

     “Lo, relax.” Roman laughed, carefully catching Logan’s arm as he turned to scold Patton. “He's right. We have dragged him across half the countryside without considering his opinion.”

    “It is his job.”

    Roman grip on Logan’s softened as he glanced between Logan and Patton. “Job or not, Patton is more than an attendant. He's my future brother-in-law."

    Logan blinked at Roman before letting out a reluctant sigh and shifting his gaze to Patton.

    “You’re right.” Logan paused as Patton raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Patton, I’m sorry. This journey should have been a chance for you to know Roman outside of all the politics and I've been wasting that opportunity. Forgive me?”

     Patton smirked as Logan extended him a figurative olive branch. “Only if you accept that when I meet my future husband,  I get to be as disgustingly cute as you.”

    Logan couldn’t help but let out a sharp laugh and shaking his head. “Deal.”

    Instead of taking Logan’s hand Patton swept his older brother into a tight hug, squeezing around his waist. Logan relaxed as Patton hugged him tightly. His irritation melted away as his chest warmed  with the realization that he had the two people he loved most on either side of him.

    “Patton, this is going to be dangerous. If you want to wait for us here—”

    “Not a chance you’re leaving me behind now.” Patton whispered as he raised his head from Logan’s shoulder, covertly wiping away a tear that threatened to fall from his eye. “This is my last chance to torment you before I have to start calling you ‘your highness’. I have to make every minute count.”

    Logan smiled, glad to have Patton close as they started on the next leg of their journey. “You never have to change, Patton.”

    “Thanks, Lolo.”

    Roman smiled, stepping toward them as he gazed into the deep void of the cave opening. “Then, it's decided. The poison should be taking effect right about now. If we’re lucky, the beast will be dead by sundown and we'll be on out way home.”

---

    “Virgil!”

    Janus felt his heart drop as he stumbled to catch his lover’s arm. Virgil’s knees had buckled a half dozen times in the last hour and Janus was aching with the tension from the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

    “I don’t understand.  The bleeding’s stopped.” Janus let loose a string of draconic curses, feeling his scales burning with rage as he adjusted his arm to support Virgil. “Your condition should be improving—”

    Virgil’s lip curled in sympathy as he forced a raspy whisper past his aching throat. “Jan, you know why—”

    “Don’t speak.” Janus interrupted, immediately feeling regret twist in his stomach as Virgil’s grip tightened on his arm. His soft, fingertips felt cold on Janus' skin. “You need to save your energy.”

    “The game's up, Jan.” Virgil started forcefully, blinking up into Janus’ amber, slit-like eyes glowing faintly in the dark. “We got deeper into the mountain than I ever thought we would, but it’s time.”

    “Don’t you dare give up on m—”

    “I'm dying, Jan.” Virgil spat out, stopping Janus in his tracks. “I’m dying and I don't want to die running.”

    Janus felt a lump in his throat as his heart sank in his chest. “Virgil—”

    “If I’m not going to die in the open air, at least give me the dignity of dying in your arms.” Virgil pleaded, desperation clear in his voice. “Don’t let me die cold.”

    Janus head spun around as a loud, sound of rocks tumbling in the narrow twists of the caves behind them signaled their hunters closing in, a few minutes behind them at most.

    “Please, Jan.”

    The sound of Virgil’s broken voice made Janus weak. He couldn’t deny Virgil’s pleas, not when their last moments together may be approaching.

    “It's going to be okay, Virgil.”

    Janus' held Virgil close as his nostrils flared with a sudden heat. His lips curled into a snarl, face elongating into his more draconic features. His teeth hardened into sharpened points, stronger than steel. The bones of his ears stretched out over his shifting bones like webbing over a bat's wings. Finally, after a moment’s shift he could feel his wings extend behind him.

    The subtle stretch of his delicate wings gave him a momentary sense of relief as he curled his long tail around Virgil’s limp form. Though still in between his humanoid form and his true dragon form, he felt immediately more at ease with his body.

    “Hurry, please.”

    Virgil’s voice was barely audible over Janus breathing but he immediately locked on to  Virgil’s arm, covering his lover with his wing as a blazing, hot flame erupted from his throat. The bright light decorated the halls with moving flashes of orange and yellow dancing on the wall and when Janus finally pulled back a hot pile of glowing embers surrounded him and Virgil.

    “Virgil?” Janus whispered as he tipped his wing up to look down at Virgil.

    “It's perfect.”

    Janus bit back a sob as Virgil’s hand dropped from his chest.   He lowered them both to the ground, feeling his lover’s life leaving his body with each new breath. Orange light illuminated Janus’ face from the glowing embers below, dancing like gems in Janus’ glistening amber eyes.

    “I love you, Virgil.”

    “I love you to, Jan. You’re all I ever needed.”

    Janus’ tail curled around Virgil as he completed his transformation. His long talons dug into the ground as his body circled Virgil, creating a comfortable nest for his lover to rest in peace. He let out a long breath as he watched Virgil’s eyes close comfortably before his fully transformed dragon head turned toward the sound of the humans approaching.

---

General Taglist:

@justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck @shadowyplaidpurseegg

A Life For A LIfe Taglist:

@arodynamic-enby @pixelated-pineapple @simplestoryteller @bloodymari-0666

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Productivity

Prompt: if you’re still open to prompts could you write some Roman-centric hurt/comfort? Maybe with him overworking himself and Logan finding him?

Thanks for the prompt, babe!

Read on Ao3

Pairings: Logince, can be platonic or romantic you decide, implied mociet, implied parental anxciet and moxiety

Warnings: Roman’s pretty hard on himself, so self-doubt, self-destructive tendencies, can be interpreted as self-harm if you squint but nothing graphic/explicit, self-esteem issues, sympathetic dark sides

Word Count: 5850

Roman is loud. Roman is extra. Roman is brimming with all the trimmings and trappings of an extravagant parade and it is impossible to ignore him when he walks into a room.

 After all, when you’ve only got 0.5% of a day to make yourself count, you learn not to let a single second of it slip by.

Roman has to be perfect for that 0.5%. He can’t slip up even once or he risks that 0.5% slipping away entirely. He has his ideas, he has his witty barbs prepared, he has his improv skills ready, and he never stops moving. Which means the other 99.5% has to be used very wisely.

 He has to get the ideas thought up, drafted, edited, and ready to be passed off. He has to be primped and coiffed and never look for a second that he’s been caught off guard. He has to work.

 Logan’s the one with the schedule, anyone will tell you that. It’s up on his wall, perfectly ordered and color-coded with half a dozen dry erase markers and post-its next to it, all ready to go the instant it needs to be adjusted. Logan’s discipline is evident in the way he speaks, dresses, acts, it’s right there for the world to see.

 Roman’s discipline is in the hours and hours he spends in front of his computer, or with a pen in his hand, or with the sword at his side. It’s in the way his fingers beat out anxious rhythms against the keys or forget what letters are supposed to look like halfway through writing a word. It’s in the way he can sit down for six hours and write and write and write until his eyes are strained but the words are here.

 Patton worries when that happens, knocking on Roman’s door with his voice full of concern, food, water, even just a hug. Roman always hollers at him to come in only to bounce from one corner of the room to the next as he tries to figure out what to write next, how to hit the next plot point, or barely looks up from his frantic typing as he assures Patton that yes, he’s fine, thank you for asking, yes, he’s taken breaks, he’s just so close to a stopping point then he’ll give him a hug, okay? Patton leaves reassured and Roman’s fingers fly. He doesn’t come by that often so it’s okay.

 He can’t start tasks and not finish them. He has so much to do that it’s not worth starting one thing and leaving it off because he’ll forget it. Better to sit there and see something all the way to the end than get interrupted and start something else and risk forgetting what he was going to do. So he has to work through it, get into that zone where all he has to think about is the rhythmic click-click-click of the keyboard and making sure his words machine is going going going. And if that means sometimes he looks up and it’s only been ten minutes or he looks up and it’s been a whole hour, well. Push through. Once he’s in the zone he can just go. It’s just a matter of getting there.

 Roman’s quite proud of the way he’s built his schedule, if he does say so himself. Once he gets into the zone and works he can get all the projects he needs to get done in a day dusted and dried, set aside for review or further brainstorming. After all that, it’s normally near his 0.5% time, so he dusts himself off and wears that big smile and rides the high of a job well done to fuel his princely persona until the 0.5% is over. If it’s just dinner, it’s done by the time the meal is over. If he’s spending a little time with the others, they normally tire of him before it runs out. If it’s movie night, well…it’s dark. And he can sit away from everyone else.

 It’s a very efficient system. Logan would be proud.

 Except, well…

 Okay. Here’s the thing.

 Roman’s Creativity, yes, but he’s also Passion, Desire, Romance, a lot of things.

 He’s also the Ego.

 That makes him…squishy.

 It’s not that he can’t take criticism, far from it—criticism and feedback is one of the things that makes everyone better. It’s just that he…okay, this is going to sound really stupid, but he’s just…he’s just very bad at receiving any sort of feedback, okay?

 Compliments are wonderful and make his chest all warm and fuzzy but they also make his face flush redder than his sash and make him want to be very, very small. Positive feedback makes him want to skip to the end to find out what else he needs to do or shrink away from the bright spotlight he’s suddenly found himself in.

 No feedback is awful. He wants to make a difference, to do something, talk about something with someone. He wants to be here, to be present, to talk and listen and create. He can’t create in an empty room.

 Constructive criticism is…hard.

 It’s so fucking stupid. He knows everything isn’t perfect. Nothing’s ever really finished, it just gets to a point where you’ve used it to say what you need it to say at that moment and you let it go. And he needs help to get it there before he gives it up, he knows this, he knows this.

 And it’s not even that it comes as only things he needs to work on. It’s always both strengths and weaknesses—sorry, things that could be better—it’s not like it's just a pile of ‘stuff you did wrong.’

 And most of the time it’s good feedback. It makes him a better creator, helps him understand his audience more. And it’s genuinely really insightful, like they obviously took time to understand the work and think about it and want it to be more like what he wants it to do. They care and it’s obvious and it shows and Roman really should understand this because he makes fun of the things that he loves.

 So why, please, Roman would like to know, why is he hunched over his desk with his head on a book as his throat tears itself raw?

 His lungs are screaming at him to get air and he’s gasping at nothing, his nose way too stuffed up to do anything other than dribble horrifically all over his work. His gaze is focused on nothing. The letters in front of him blur into meaningless black squiggles. Spit drips out the side of his lips. His hands clutch at nothing. And his chest aches so so bad.

 One of his hands comes up to clutch at the front of his costume. The sash groans in protest. He can hardly feel the indents of his knuckles. He pushes harder. It still just hurts. Why does it hurt?

 He spent six hours writing this idea from scratch. He poured over and over this thing until his eyes felt like they were going to fall out of his head and he worked so hard. And he—he thought he did good.

  It’s did ‘well,’ Roman.

 Roman winces, another wave of—oh hey, he’s crying. When did that happen?—another wave of tears spilling behind his eyes, making them ache too.

 It was the only idea of the last batch that everyone wanted and—and Thomas asked for it to be done and he wanted to have time to work on the other things that Thomas wasn’t sure about and make it so Virgil didn’t have to stress about everything and he worked so hard on it and it was—he thought it was good and he’s being so fucking ridiculous right now.

 Logan has said parts of it were good. He’d complimented Roman on how much he’d been able to write in such a short amount of time. He’d asked if Roman would want to talk about some of this stuff in greater detail at a later time because he’d been interested and obviously Roman had opinions and things to say about it.

 And that counts for something, or at least it should.

 But…but Logan had also said that the framework was wrong.

 The framework was wrong. That—that was the whole point of the story. The framework was supposed to convey the message and the message was supposed to come across and it doesn’t matter that Logan thought some of the stuff was good because it was made to suit the framework that Roman thought they wanted but it’s not which means he has to rework the whole thing entirely because it’s not what they wanted and—

 And Logan said it should be reorganized which is not how a story works because he can’t just cut and paste things to fit where he wants them because he has to make sure it works and it makes sense and if he has to rewrite the structure and the message then he—he—

 He has to start over.

 A wracked sob tears its way out of Roman’s throat, right into the pages of the book. Six hours. Six hours. Down the fucking drain. He could’ve—he could’ve spent that time doing other things or fixing other things or—

 Or, he thinks bitterly, one hand still clutched to his aching chest, you could’ve just done it right the first fucking time.

 God, he’s going to have to do so much work to catch up. He’s—he’s going to have to put off writing that short story, making sure that idea was polished, making sure that—

 He has so much work to do.

 By the time he raises his head from the book, his head is tingling. His fingers lose sensation as he moves and his entire chest feels like it's held together by the weakest threads. He has to let his head drop back to the gross wet spot he’s left in the book just to avoid a horrible head rush. A few slow, shuddering breaths later, and he sits back in his chair.

 He’s actually quite proud of himself, he thinks absentmindedly as he looks for his tissue box. He does remember when he started crying. It was during the feedback with Logan.

 Logan said that entire sections needed to be cut. Something in Roman’s chest had snapped when he heard that. They were…this story was his darling.

 They’re all his darlings, but this one, so new, so…so fresh was still living in his chest, right next to his heart.

 His voice hadn’t slipped once. Even as tears ran down his face he hadn’t slipped. Then Logan had realized it was later than expected and apologetically left Roman in the common space. Had to get to another meeting. That was fine. Roman could get away with a much terser goodbye and Logan didn’t look too hard at his face.

 He has so much work to do.

 If he puts it off he’s never going to want to pick it up again and the dread of it will poison him. Poison Thomas. He can’t have that. They’re already behind schedule. He’s already behind schedule.

 If he starts doing this now he won’t be able to stop. He’s not in the right space and he doesn’t know if he can force himself into the one he needs to be in. Just the thought of looking at his notes, with the handwriting getting worse and worse is enough to make his fingers tremble. The thought of looking at Logan’s precise comments in bright, bold, unmistakably incorrect red pinches right under his throat.

  It’s alright, Roman. You’ve done good work. Especially for a rough draft.

 This wasn’t supposed to be a rough draft.

 He glances at the clock. It’s been too long. He has to do something.

 He doesn’t wash his face off or drink water. He doesn’t eat. He has somewhere to be in half an hour and he has to do something.

 Roman’s fingers are clumsy on the keyboard. The words aren’t words. He opens the draft and shakily creates a copy. He can’t hurt his sweetheart. He can’t.

 He can maim the fuck out of a copy, though.

 Each section that disappears in a merciless click of the delete button makes the ache in his chest worse. So much work. So much time. So much of Roman. Gone. Not right. Worthless.

 He has so much work to do.

 Roman pointedly covers the clock on his computer with a folded up post-it note and sets an alarm for when he needs to get ready to go meet with Remus. He puts his head down and works, blinking when he can’t see the screen through his tears. He…he can’t make this work, not with the corrections that Logan wants, not with the time he needs to make up. He has to start over, almost completely, which means back to the drawing board. New outline, new readings, new interpretations, new everything. Because it’s not what they wanted and Roman has to be what they want.

 Two minutes until he has to go meet with Remus he gets up and blows his nose. Quick glance in the mirror, it doesn’t look like he’s been crying. Grab what he needs to. Make sure this is in fact what he’s supposed to do.

 Roman’s one act of true cowardice is making sure Janus isn’t around.

 Remus doesn’t notice anything wrong, and if he does, he doesn’t say anything.

 Good.

—————————————————————

 Logan sighs, adjusts his glasses, and closes his laptop. It’s been a productive day and he has precisely thirteen minutes before he’s required downstairs to bake with Patton. They’re making blueberry muffins tonight, as requested, and Logan has secured permission to be absent from the movie marathon.

 He gets up and makes his way to his schedule wall, picking up his pack of markers as he goes. Light blue for Patton, dark blue for himself, purple for Virgil, yellow for Janus, green for Remus, and red for Roman. He frowns, noticing that he has to press a little harder than anticipated to get Virgil’s marker to show up.

 Logan sinks out to Remus’s room, ducking a chunk of flying viscera and quickly conjuring an umbrella for himself.

 “Remus?”

 “That is me,” Remus cackles, hanging upside down from…what looks to be a chandelier constructed entirely out of viscera and a partially decomposed sperm whale skeleton. His face appears under the brim of Logan’s umbrella. “What brings you here?”

 “Do you still have the pack of markers I lent you?”

 “No! I used those up ages ago.”

 Logan pinches the bridge of his nose. “Dare I ask why?”

 “You remember how we talked about how if you do the simple science experiment of emptying a highlighter into water then putting flowers in it to make them glow in the dark?”

 “...yes?”

 “Did you know you can do the same with octopuses?”

 …now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that…

 “Enjoy your chandelier, Remus,” Logan sighs, sinking out and promptly disposing of the umbrella. He adjusts his tie and makes sure nothing splattered his glasses and starts toward Roman’s room. He would ask Patton but that might lead to starting the baking earlier than expected and, if he’s being honest, Logan does not currently have the wherewithal to do that quite so soon. He just needs to pick up a new purple marker and go back to his room.

 He doesn’t actually know what he expected to find.

 Maybe it was a Roman sprawled across his bed, idly toying with something, or across the floor with several pens strewn about him. Or at the computer, laughing at the screen with his feet up or fiddling with something.

 Maybe it was an empty room, Roman in the Imagination, or even Roman upset about some of the comments he’d made earlier.

 He knocks on the door and frowns when it creaks open.

 “Roman?”

 Logan pushes the door open and looks around. Roman’s not here. There’s water running in the bathroom. He knocks on the door louder.

 “One moment!”

 The bathroom door opens and Roman appears. “Logan. Is there something wrong?”

 “One of my pens has dried up and I’m seeking a replacement.”

 Something flashes across Roman’s face too quick to accurately pinpoint and in a flash, a new pack of markers sits in Roman’s hand.

 “Thank you.”

 Roman nods and turns, sitting at his desk and shuffling through a few papers. When Logan doesn’t move for a few moments, Roman looks back up.

 “…is there something else?”

 “No, I just…” Logan tilts his head. “Are you alright, Roman?”

 “I’m performing within acceptable limits,” Roman jokes, even as his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, “just…trying to get this done before the z—um. Before we have to go downstairs. Thanks for baking for tonight, I, uh, I know you won’t be staying for the movies so I should probably say thank-you now, right?”

 “Roman,” Logan interrupts softly, “Roman, what were you going to say?”

 “Hmm?”

 “You cut yourself off. You were going to say ‘before’ something that wasn’t going downstairs.”

 “Was I?”

 “Roman.”

 Roman’s fingers falter on the keyboard for barely a second. “Don’t you want to get in some more rest before baking,” he tries, “I know you’ve expressed that helps you before.”

 “I would, but I would also like to know what you were going to say.”

 Roman worries his bottom lip. “…can’t I just finish working, please?”

 Logan looks around. Something is wrong.

 The door barely squeaks as Logan shuts it, glancing around to make sure no one else is sneaking by or within earshot. He turns back just in time to see Roman recovering from a horrible flinch. Without meaning to, a soft comforting noise escapes his throat.

 “Roman, what’s—“

 “I’m fine, Specs.”

 “Yes, I can tell from that tone of voice that you are completely and utterly fine.”

 “You know I’m pretty sure sass is an emotional response.”

 The corner of his mouth quirks up and he walks closer, setting the pack of markers down on the corner of Roman’s desk and folding his hands in front of him.

 “Roman,” he tries again, “what’s wrong?”

 Roman’s hands tighten into fists on his keyboard. He barely glances up at Logan. “It’s nothing, Specs.”

 “If it’s upsetting you it’s not nothing.”

 “It’s nothing you need to be concerned about.”

 “It’s upsetting you, Roman, that means it’s something for me to be concerned about.”

 Roman huffs. “Give me a little credit, Logan, I promise I can operate under distress without compromising Thomas or the rest of you, I’ve had enough practice.”

 “…I must admit I’m not sure if you expect me to be reassured by that.”

 Silence.

 The clock in the hallway ticks.

 Roman takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders back. “The 0.5%.”

 “Excuse me?”

 “The 0.5%, Logan,” Roman repeats, “that’s what I was going to say.”

 Logan frowns. What—why would Roman say—0.5% of what?

 Roman gives him a disbelieving smile when Logan cautiously broaches that question. “You should know, Specs. Your chart, remember?”

 Logan’s eyes widen. “Roman, what—what does that have to do with this?”

 “What does the fact that you’ve only given me 0.5% of each day to run things have to do with me being upset?”

 “Roman you—you’re allowed to do things, I didn’t mean it like that, I just—“

 “Stop, Logan,” Roman says with a soft fury, reaching out to lay his hand on Logan’s arm only to stop. His hand closes into a fist and returns to his side. Goosebumps raise on Logan’s arm and he suddenly feels very, very cold.

“Stop,” he says again, “it doesn’t matter how you meant it. I understand.”

 “But clearly you don’t,” Logan protests, “if you believe that you are only allowed to exist for 0.5% of each day—“

 “That’s not it, Logan.” Roman turns in his chair. “I get 0.5% to exist around you each day.”

 “I don’t see the difference!”

 “It means I have to perform for 0.5% a day.”

  Perform.

 Logan’s mind stutters to a halt. No. No, no, Roman…

 “Roman,” he starts, “Roman, why are you doing so much work?”

 “Well, when you only have 0.5% of a day to present, you’d better have some damn good stuff, shouldn’t you? After all, it’s not like you’ll get much time to talk it through before you have to—“

 “Not…not just that,” Logan interrupts, “why did you call it ‘performing?’”

 Roman stares up at him, his head tilted to the side. “…do you actually believe that I’m…like that?”

 The fact that the ‘yes’ came so readily to the tip of his tongue makes Logan sick.

 “When you only have so little time,” Roman mumbles, “if I don’t…if I don’t take up all the space I can for that amount of time, I’m afraid it will just…slip away.”

 Before Logan can even begin to talk about how awful that is, Roman blusters on.

 “That’s why I have to get back to work. I have to get this done before the 0.5% starts so I can make the most of it. Thought you’d be happy, Specs,” Roman says, flashing the fakest smile Logan’s ever seen, “about how efficient I’m being.”

 Logan is many things right now, and ‘happy’ is not any of them. His mouth opens and closes, trying to look for words, for something, anything to try and override this, make Roman see sense, make Roman see—

 He stops.

 Roman wasn’t expecting him. He’s been surprised.

 His hands are shaking as they type. He keeps having to hit the backspace key. There are twitches in his arms that aren’t normally there and he keeps trying to scoot away from Logan.

 Logan reaches out to cover one of Roman’s hands.

 Roman flinches so hard he almost knocks his laptop off of the desk.

 “You’re panicking,” Logan murmurs, “take a deep breath.”

 He holds Roman still until some of the mania goes out of his eyes. He lifts his hand away.

 “That’s enough work for today.”

 “What? No, no, I’m so behind, I have so much work to do, I have to—“

 “What have you done today, Roman?”

 “Not nearly enough, I have to—“

 Then Logan catches sight of a stack of paper with red annotations. He frowns, moving around Roman to take a look, ignoring the soft noise of protest. This is the feedback he gave Roman earlier, these are his annotations, that’s his red pen he uses for Roman, that’s…

 …oh.

 Oh, no.

 No, no, no, no…

 “Roman,” he murmurs, turning to look at him, “why is this wet?”

 Roman takes a breath and Logan blinks.

 Roman looks so small.

 “…I have so much work to do.”

 Something in Logan hurts. Think. Think. Think.

 He glances around frantically, spotting a stack of looseleaf paper. Aha.

 “Roman,” he manages around the lump in his throat, “if we make a list of things that you have to or have already done today, will that help?”

 Roman nods, watching as Logan hurries to grab a sheet of paper and fetch the red pen out of the marker box. “…do we have to use red?”

 Logan pauses, yet to uncap it. “Is there something wrong with red?”

 The costume makes a few rustling noises as Roman shifts in the chair. Logan holds out the pen until the cap lies next to the bright red sash on Roman’s chest. “Red’s your color, isn’t it?”

 “…wait, that’s why you always use red?”

 “That’s why I use red for you.”

 “…oh.”

 As he makes the list, he keeps an eye on Roman. Has he…have they never truly looked at Roman? Logan’s sure Janus knows at least some of this, if not all of it, and Remus has absolutely no filter any of the time but especially not when it comes to Roman.

 They’ll have to be better about that.

 Roman’s face perks up a little when Logan finally passes him the list, only to fall almost as quickly when he sees the number of things on it. “L-Logan, I—“

 “Have a look at each of them,” Logan interrupts softly, passing him the pen, “and mark off the ones that you’ve done already.”

 “…am I supposed to do all of these today?”

 “Ideally, yes.”

 The grim look of resignation and determination on Roman’s face is enough to make Logan want to take it away, but he can’t. Not before Roman sees.

 Sure enough, as Roman starts to scan down the list, his brow furrows. He glances up at Logan who simply nods toward it.

 “Um…”

 “Read out the ones you’re having trouble with,” Logan offers, “if you like.”

 “…'get out of bed?’”

 “Did you do that?”

 “Yes?”

 “Then cross it off.”

 Bemused, Roman does. He consults the list again. “Are all of these—am I supposed to—“

 Logan nods when Roman can’t finish his sentence. “Check off the ones you’ve done and then we’ll see how productive you’ve been today.”

 It’s strange, Logan thinks as he watches Roman go down the list, he’s never been so…gentle like this before, especially not with Roman.

 Maybe it’s time to be better about that too.

 “All finished?”

 “I think so…”

 “How many do you have left?”

 “Um, just…drink water, save current works, eat dinner, and, um…” Roman squints at the page, then up at Logan, “…receive emotional support.”

 “Well, those don’t seem to be too difficult.” Logan folds his arms and smiles. “I’d say you’ve been very productive today.”

 “But I need to rework the entire idea for tomorrow,” Roman argues, “I haven’t even made a dent in it, I—“

 “Wait, why do you think you need to rework it completely?”

 “…you said the framework was wrong and you need it reorganized. Which is fine,” Roman hastily defends, “you’re not wrong, but that basically means I have to start over.”

 “You don’t have to start over, Roman,” Logan reassures, “and that’s not what I meant. Why don’t we check off the rest of the list now and then we can have a…redo of the feedback session tomorrow?”

 “Logan, I’m really confused right now,” Roman blurts out, clutching the list like a lifeboat.

 “What’s confusing?”

 Logan takes a step closer, resisting the urge to smile when Roman doesn’t back away.

 “…not that this isn’t appreciated,” Roman manages finally, “but I—you—you’ve never done this before.”

 “Perhaps I didn’t realize that it was necessary.”

  Wrong thing to say.

 “Wait, you don’t have to—I can—I’ll be fine on my own—“

 “Not what I meant, Roman, I am perfectly aware that you are capable of taking care of yourself,” Logan soothes, “but…it seems that my actions—or lack of actions, perhaps—has been hurting you. And I apologize for that.”

 Roman swallows heavily, the list still wrinkled up in his hands.

 “I want to have this conversation properly,” Logan murmurs, taking another step closer, “and when you feel comfortable enough to tell me what’s really going on. That’s not now, and that’s okay. Will you take my word if I tell you that you don’t need to do as much work on your story as you think you do?”

 “…sure.”

 “I’m pleased to hear that.” Logan gestures toward the door. “Why don’t you save your work and we’ll go downstairs?”

 “Aren’t you baking with Patton in like—now?”

 “I was, but Janus has also expressed interest in baking tonight, and…” Logan smiles. “I do not think he would be upset to learn that I wished to postpone for this reason.”

 The smallest smile comes to Roman’s face. “…since when have those two been…”

 “I don’t know.”

 “Have you noticed that they— with Virgil—“

 “Oh, don’t even get me started.”

 “It’s like watching a sitcom sometimes, isn’t it?”

 “Quite.”

 It makes Roman chuckle and Logan feels his shoulders relax. Then something passes over his face again.

 “What is it?”

 “Nothing, nothing, it’s just the um, the last thing on the list of receiving emotional support…” Roman absentmindedly smoothes out the paper. “…don’t know how I’m going to get that if, um…well, movie night’s still a thing.”

 …that is not the kind of emotional support Logan was referring to and they both know it.

 “Well,” Logan says, adjusting his tie and valiantly ignoring the heat rushing to his face, “there is another option.”

 Roman’s eyes widen. “…you’re serious?”

 “Of course.”

 “But you…when you ask off movie night, that’s—“

 “Roman.”

 Roman stops. Something flickers over his face. Logan frowns.

 “What?”

 “…you’ve said my name a lot today, Specs,” Roman mumbles, looking away.

 “Is that a problem?”

 Roman shrugs. “…kind of reminds me of when I, um, mess up.”

 “…what?”

 “You, um…” Roman fiddles with the list. “You don’t normally use my name unless you’re talking about me. And you don’t, uh, you don’t normally do that unless I’ve done something wrong. But that’s not your fault.”

 “…thank you for telling me.” Logan tilts his head. “Is there something you would rather I call you instead?”

 “Not particularly.”

 “Princey?”

 “No thanks.”

 “Kiddo?”

 “You’re not Patton.”

 “No, it sounds strange, doesn’t it?”

 “Yeah.”

 “…I’m guessing Creativity would be…”

 “…yeah.”

 “I’ll think of something,” Logan murmurs, “but yes, I would be happy to spend the evening with you.” Roman still looks unsure. “Why the hesitation?”

 “You don’t like being touched,” Roman blurts out, the list in his hands about to rip.

  Ah.

 Logan reaches forward and carefully extricates the list from Roman’s grasp. He sets it on the desk. Roman watches him, eyes wide, as Logan rests his hand on his shoulder.

 “I don’t like being touched when I don’t expect it,” Logan says quietly, “or when it’s not on my terms. When it is…and especially when it’s helping someone, I don’t mind at all.”

 Roman’s staring at his hand like he’s never seen it before. His shoulder feels so…small?

 Is Roman shaking?

 “Hey,” Logan calls softly, “hey, can you look at me?”

 Roman doesn’t move.

 “Come on, just…just look at me.”

 Roman turns his head and oh—

 “Oh, dear,” Logan breathes, his hand moving up on instinct to wipe away Roman’s tear, “oh, dear, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

 Roman’s eyes fall shut as more tears brim on his lashes. He squeezes them tightly and turns his head, almost nuzzling into Logan’s palm, as if he doesn’t believe it’s really there.

 Oh.

  Oh.

  Oh, no.

 “You’re touch-starved,” Logan whispers, mostly to himself, stepping closer and cupping Roman’s face firmly.

 “Haven’t exactly had time to—“ a breath rips itself out of Roman’s lungs as Logan pulls him closer— “to—to—I—you’re really warm, Logan…”

 “You’ve been overworking yourself,” Logan says firmly, “and you don’t have to. Not ever again.”

 Roman’s eyes flutter open cautiously, staring at Logan with such unabashed hope that it makes his throat clench.

 “Hey,” he murmurs instead, “there you are.”

 “…sorry.”

 “No need to be.” Logan brushes away another tear. “Why don’t we go downstairs, get something to eat, something to drink, and then come back?”

 Roman nods, but his eyes glaze over a little as Logan keeps stroking his cheek. Logan shakes his head, smiling fondly at him. Oh, Roman…

 “Hey,” he calls again, giving Roman’s face a little shake, “hug me.”

 “W-what?”

 “Hug me,” Logan repeats, opening his arms, “come on…”

 The time it takes for Roman to step forward and carefully, carefully place his arms around Logan’s shoulders like he’s afraid of ruining him feels like an eternity. As soon as it’s clear Roman’s not going to do any more than lightly rest the weight of his arms on Logan for just a moment, Logan moves.

 He wraps his arms firmly around Roman’s waist and pulls him until they’re flush. He smiles a little at the gasp of surprise, only to soften instantly when Roman lets out a keen.

 “I said hug me, dear heart,” Logan whispers, the pet name rolling off his tongue before he can stop it, “come on, now, you can do better than that.”

 Poor Roman is shaking so badly Logan feels himself almost thrown off balance. He spreads his feet a little wider and holds him, rubbing his back and lifting his chin a little higher. Roman feels so small and cold in his arms that he doesn’t try and playfully coax him into hugging tighter. Instead, he hooks his chin over Roman’s shoulder and tightens his grip, softly encouraging him to breathe, to relax, it’s alright.

 “That’s it,” he murmurs when Roman finally sags into his arms, “that’s it, dear heart, good, I have you, I have you.”

 Roman turns his head into Logan’s neck and Logan makes a soft sound at the slight dampness. His arms still tremble slightly, but he’s leaning most of his weight onto Logan now, almost hanging off of him with the grip he has on his wrists.

 “I’ve got you,” he promises, “I’ve got you.”

 When his arms start to ache pleasantly from the strain of keeping his grip, Logan eases back, making sure to keep one hand on Roman’s face.

 “If we stand here any longer we may fall asleep,” he whispers, “let’s go downstairs, and then we can come back, hmm?”

 Roman, the poor thing, is so exhausted that all he can do is fall forward a little, just so their foreheads rest together. Logan chuckles.

“Just for dinner, then we’ll come back and I’ll cuddle you some more, okay?”

 “…yeah, okay.”

 “You can have a chance to hug me properly too, hmm?”

 Roman huffs a laugh. “I’ll show you.”

 “I’m sure you will, dear heart.” When the face against his suddenly grows much warmer, Logan tilts his head. “Is that alright? Dear heart?”

 “Yeah, yeah, it’s alright. More than alright.”

 “Then come on, dear heart, let’s get those last few things checked off the list, hmm?”

 Patton, of course, has absolutely no objections. Virgil tips them a lazy two-fingered salute. Remus doesn’t quite tackle his brother into the wall but it’s close. Janus makes eye contact with Logan and gives him a nod. Right. They should talk too. But not tonight.

 When Roman’s door closes again and Roman crosses the last item off the list, Logan takes it from him and sets it aside, holding out his arms.

 “Come here, dear heart.”

 This time, Roman wraps his arms around Logan without hesitation. Logan hides a smile in Roman’s shoulder as he sits them on the bed, lies them down, tucks Roman in close.

 Roman is quiet. Roman is soft. Roman is an excellent cuddler. He fits perfectly into Logan’s arms. He’s perfect.

 It’s been a very productive day.

General: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @marshmallow-fluffy @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious  @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thefingergunsgirl @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme

If you would like to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

[princeanxious]

Okay stupid tumblr didnt tell me you said yes but HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS :DDD

When did they become vanpires

How old are they

What year were the vampires born

How long has V been locked away, what has he missed

Does V immediately latch onto the grunge/emo aesthetic because it matches the whole vampire theme

Is Roman a himbo™

What is the twins relationship like

Anxciet is the main pairing, are there any side pairings?

How does Janus react to the whole "oh yeah vampires are real" thing

Were any of the vamps around for any big historical events

Were any of the vamps big historical figures

Do they end up going to highschool/uni with the humans

What does everyone look like

Do any of them have really strong opinions about something useless (eg. pineapple on pizza, a certain colour, double denim, etc)

:)

Virgil became a Vampire sometime in the 17/1800s?? Logan is from around the 1500s, and Patton claims he lost count a long time ago.(Patton’s probably at least at least a thousand years old though? But he looks more like a young 25 y/o whose attire choices change day to day but generally always gives off that Parent vibe), Virgil was turned by Patton, Logan was born Vampire, Patton was assumably born vampire. Remus and Roman are 27, Janus is 25.

Virgil was locked away for about 150 years, give or take? He missed the entire shift in society and the human experience, from how relationships are viewed/treated to longer lifespans, to cleaner hygiene, convenience, and technology, hell, even the more open existance of the lgbtqa+ community! A /lot/ has happened in the past 100 years, and now Virgil has alot of catchup to do.(and don’t worry, Patton & Logan help Virgil catch up pretty quickly, they share flashcards and Virgil gets h o o k e d on social media when he gets a phone)

He absolutely does. Its a weird adjustment, what with the now wildly varied different textiles and styles and change. Especially the lack of layers, he misses those. (And finds immense comfort in the jacket that Janus gifts him, as its big and oversized and feels oh so very soft and warm.) But no yeah, he gets his hair cut(it still grew for those years locked away, albiet still rather slowly from malnutrition) and rocks the fringe, even gets his hair dyed purple to match his eyes, all the grunge/punk/emo aesthetic! Some of his favorite new things are makeup, piercings, and so much black fabric to chose from!

You’ll be surprised to note, that Roman is sadly not a himboTM in this au, as Virgil has already taken over that roll 💜💜💜

Remus and Roman’s relationship? Honestly ride or die chaos, the kinds of siblings that play pranks on one another and insult eachother but god forbid some poor outsider steps in to try and say the same thing they said abt their sibling, that outsider will have regreted it. The kind if ‘The Only one allowed to call my brother a Bitch-Ass Idiot is ME’ kind of siblings? Look they grew up in a area filled with people who dont like things out of the norm and befriended the local bullied kid who is half-covered in snake scales and speaks with a lisp due to his split togue. Remus himself suffers from intrusive anxiety and Roman suffers from chronic(?) depression. They’re all a bit ride or die, through and through.

Anxceit is the main pairing, and while it’s not entirely set in stone, Logince and Intruality are probably the other two.

Technically its not a secret in their world?? Like magic is a thing in their workd, its just usually left out of humanities bloodline. Humans like Janus are pretty rare bc of that. Vampires are still p rare to meet but not unheard of.

Yes, the vampires were alive for many major historical events. No we are not going to talk abt any of them. Same goes w/ historical figures.

Yes! Infact, Roman and Logan share college/uni theatre classes together! Logans currently an astronomy major, Roman a theatre arts major(i think thats what its called?) Logan is a formidible lyrical rival and Roman finds himself constantly losing to his rival in the form of slam poetry, though every day Roman always gets a little closer to winning(Logan adores the challenge, and the passion Roman has to beat Logan at his own game is riviting to experience. Logan would def consider Roman a perfect companion, but would have never acted on it if virgil hadnt been rescued by said companions twin brother, thus gettig both trios heavily involved w/ each other.) Patton’s been alive so long that he doesn’t care too much for academia, and instead focuses on tactile learning, like pottery and woodworking. Remus himself is an arts major, known for making really hyper horror or grotesque creature sculptures/doll customization, so he kind of just laches onto this man who seems to be larger than life and is far from bothered by Remus’s ‘not safe for common convos’ way of talking and its nice not to have someone run away. (Honestly, the feeling is mutual between the two)

As for what everone looks like, I kinda just want to leave that up to interpretation? If I end up drawing any of them they’ll probably be reflective of the way that I usually draw the sides, just human or vampire-ified, and maybe have a trait or two tweaked specifically for the au? The only real thing standing out to me is that i might give Remus or Roman Albinism? Idk yet.

Uhhhh i’m sure they have alot? Logan hates modern mirrors, bc they are usually not made w/ a silver backing. Let me tell you the first time Logna passed his full blown reflection out of something he’d never been able to use before, its clear, consise, ans ge hates it bc he can now very easily stare into his own eyes clearly and question existance.

Patton, despite being the oldest ever, is still v afraid of soiders despite knowing they cant hurt him too horribly.

Virgil is under the strong opinion that memes are hilarious and hoodies are amazing.

[fieryfantasybooklover]

Lightning And Thunder - A Sanders Sides Fic

Ships: Anxciet, Royality, Intrulogical

---------------------------------------------------

“Virgil! Come on you’re gonna be late!”

“Well, Pat, have you considered my likely lateness is because I don’t want to come?”

Patton shot Virgil a disappointed look as he attempted to yank the anxious side out the door. “Oh come on Virge. Even you can’t deny that you need a break and a few laughs.”

“Well, why does this have to be the place where I get the fun?”

Patton, Logan, and Roman had been working together to plan a night of fun and games for all the sides. Logan had only agreed because he believed it would strengthen group bonds, Roman wanted to show off his musical skills, and Patton just wanted snacks and everyone to be happy. Janus protested but quickly gave in, and Remus maintained a “whatever” attitude. So, here they were, a few days later, gathering for a night of activities. Eventually, Patton managed to drag Virgil to the living room and shove several different snacks into his arms. Patton then proceeded to launch a sneak attack on Roman, seizing him in a bear hug and peppering his face with kisses as the creative side stammered and blushed, before turning back on Patton and also launching a kiss attack.

Virgil, smirking and gnawing on a shortbread cookie, dropped onto the couch next to Janus, pointedly facing the other direction even as his face warmed. The two fought nearly always, and it only intensified when Logan and Remus finally got together. The pair was currently murmuring quietly to each other while seemingly making the final preparations. They completed each other impossibly well, and neither had been happier then since they got together. Logan was always smiling and laughing, an occasion that was now commonplace. Even Remus had a happier air, and his pranks had downgraded from malicious chaos causing to harmless pranks. With Patton and Roman together and infinitely sweet, and Logan and Remus happy, the only ones left were Virgil and Janus. Both starkly refused the chances of getting together, pushing past and stubbornly ignoring the clearly romantic based fighting, the red faces, and the stammering.

“Virgil? Yes you I’m talking to you!” Virgil jolted and looked around for the source of the voice, mouth widening in shock when he realized it was Janus. “Yeah? What do you want.”

“There is no need to be that way. I just wanted to ask you how you are.” Janus’s smirk only intensified as Virgil’s face grew redder. “I’m fine! And I already know that you are gonna say something snarky or assholeish if I ask you how you are so I’m not going to bother!” Virgil whipped around, face burning, trying his best to avoid staring at Janus unconsciously any more than he already did. In fact, he turned so fast he missed the mild blushing on Janus’s own face.

“He’s a jerk. A mean, stuck-up, definitely not funny, hot-” Virgil was snapped out of his sudden stupor and inner rant by Patton’s loud, happy yell. “Alright kiddos, it’s time to get started! Take a seat and the games shall begin.” Thus began a night of fun and laughter. Roman and Patton tackled each other multiple times on the mobile games, laughing and shrieking all the way down, leaving Logan, Virgil, Janus, and Remus to be the witnesses. All shared a similar mindset watching this, something along the lines of “They’re adorable dorks. Adorable, but dorks. Oh well, gotta love them.” Logan and Remus had many hilarious interactions, leading to a constant source of amusement for everyone else. Even a few weeks ago, Logan would have stormed off and Remus wouldn’t have even been there. But now, both only joined in laughing and gave the other a kiss to spectacular applause.

As the night proceeded, the games got crazier, as did they. Everyone, even Logan and Virgil, had ingested unholy amounts of sugar. So, when Roman slyly suggested spin the bottle, there was no objection. Had Virgil’s mind been clearer, he would have spotted the clear attempt at a set up and avoided it. However, he didn’t. So, when they all stretched out on the floor, Remus with his arm around Logan and Patton cuddling against Roman, Virgil and Janus begrudgingly sat down next to each other.

The bottle was spun several times, leading to gentle platonic cheek kisses between Patton and Logan, Remus and Patton, and Janus and Remus. However, when the bottle, spun by Janus slowed to a stop pointing at Virgil, both choked on air and turned bright red. “Oh come on! He can get one respin right? Guys, come on!” Logan, barely hiding a smirk, nodded to Janus and he spun again. When the bottle once again stopped on Virgil, Roman spoke up. “Well, it seems like destiny is sending you a message Virgil! You must embrace it, or you shall perish!”

“Calm down, this is spin the bottle not a quest to save the world.”

“I’m with Roman on this one kiddo! It seems pointless to fight anyway. Just one kiss and it’s done!”

“Come on Virgil, just do it.” Remus rolled his eyes as he replied. “And truly, if this didn’t mean anything, you wouldn’t be fighting it so much. If it helps, we could leave.”

Virgil, clearly close to snarling but turning bright red at the same time, gave in and turned to Janus. “Just to be clear, this means nothing.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Janus replied, somehow still managing to smirk as the others filed out of the room and shut the door. Virgil and Janus stood and faced each other. Virgil, realizing he would have to start, ran his hands through his hair quickly, before quickly leaning over and kissing Janus.

--Janus POV--

Janus was unprepared for Virgil to kiss him all of a sudden. Of course, he really should have expected it. But, it was just so sudden. What he wasn’t prepared for even more so though, was the creatures that roared to life inside him at Virgil’s touch.

As the two kissed, the rest of the world fell away. To both, it seemed impossible that one single action could contain so much. In that one perfect, ethereal moment, lightning struck and thunder roared. Wind roared and howled, and meteors struck Earth as both Virgil and Janus rocketed to cloud 9. Hurricanes slammed into shore as euphoria roared through both of them at impossible levels. “Oh. So this is how it’s supposed to feel.” was the only musterable thought from either of them in that second. Surprised his bones hadn’t liquified already, Virgil raised his hands and ran them through Janus’s hair, the other’s hat long since discarded to the floor. Janus gripped Virgil’s face as gently as possible, before responding in full force. This would likely have continued for much longer, had Remus not hammered on the door and shouted “Don’t forget, you’re not alone, lovebirds!”

--Virgil POV (sort of)--

Virgil and Janus broke apart, both impossibly red in the face with hair all askew. Avoiding Janus’s gaze, Virgil strode to the door and flung it open, nearly hitting the others in the face. It could not have been clearer that they had been hovering near the door and waiting for them to emerge. “Remus, and I mean this is the kindest way, fuck off.” Virgil snapped as he practically ran to the kitchen, trying to hide his blush. Remus just roared with laughter as Patton admonished Virgil for language. Roman, shaking his head in exasperation, planted a tender kiss on Patton’s head before murmuring to him and heading down the hall towards the rooms.

Logan, who just tossed Virgil an all-knowing grin, gently turned Remus and led him down the hall, tossing one last “goodnight” to everyone there. Virgil was left alone with Patton. “I’m happy for you kiddo. I can already see it in your eyes. You’re glowing.” Virgil, unable to muster a response to that, just stood there as Patton also vanished down the hall. Finally, it was just him and Janus, who had just now emerged from the room, fingering his hat in his hands.

“Well-” Janus started, but was immediately cut off by Virgil. “Don’t mention it. I’ll see you tomorrow, my little bumblebee.” And now it was Virgil’s turn to smirk as Janus turned bright red and stuttered. Turning, Virgil threw a final “night” over his shoulder, chuckling and blushing at the “Night, my little thundercloud.” he received in return.

That night, both Virgil and Janus would lay awake, reliving that single moment. Reliving it and wondering how something could be so perfect, so wondrous, so world-shattering. That experience, that feeling, would be the last thing either thought before they drifted into the world of sleep. And even then, even in their dreams, a smile would hover on their faces and pink would linger on their face. The feeling and the remembrance was shocking and new each time it hit them again, sending more waves of unnatural happiness through them, coloring their dreams with vibrant rainbow shades. The cloud of highly concentrated joy would hover over the house for several more weeks, as Virgil and Janus allowed themselves to express all the love that had been pent up for so long. And as the others watched, hugged their love close, they smiled with quiet happiness and offered their silent, encouraging cheers.

[raindropsduringthesunset]

Chances Few and Far Between (TSS Fateful Fae AU)

Ao3 ~~~ Wattpad

First Part, Last Part, Next Part

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Janus, Roman, Logan (for a moment)

Relationships: Dukexiety (Platonic), Dukexiety (Romantic), Anxciet (Platonic), Anxceit (Romantic?), Analogical (Implied- Momentarily) (Platonic)

TW: panic/fear, arguing/bickering (playful context), violence, drowning, trauma (flashbacks?), attempted murder

CW: Remus (mentioned) cursing, Janus (sympathetic), insecurity, slight non-con kissing (only on cheek, platonic), anger, monsters, water/swimming, embarrassment, talk of gods (Greek pantheon)

Summary: Remus wants to be able to spend time with V. With a little convincing and a bit more time, he realizes a few things.

~~~

Humans were weird. Remus couldn’t tell if he liked or hated that. Judging by how his human was affected by other humans, he decided for the time being that yes, yes he should hate it. He was weird too- mortals didn’t seem to like that though. Good, he had thought to himself, let them hate me.

Mortals were cowardly. Remus despised that trait. Cowards were always too afraid to have fun- too afraid to just live a little. It was so fucking stupid to him. He hated cowards. Another thing humans and him had in common.

They hated cowards too. They ridiculed them, teased them, provoked them until they did what they wanted them to do. Remus hated cowards, but even he knew that was a line to simply not cross. Humans hated cowards, yet created them through trauma. Remus could see that when he looked at V. They tried so hard to make him a coward- to make him scared of everyone and everything.

But V wasn’t a coward.

Sure, V was afraid. He was scared and hesitant to do anything- keyword hesitant. But, as afraid as V was, he pushed through and did things he was scared of. Cowards didn’t do that. Remus admired him for that- though, he would admire him regardless of cowardice or fear. Remus admired that V had enough confidence to do things he was afraid of. He liked that in a being- mortal or not.

What he didn’t like was how everyone was babying V and not letting him near Remus. Sure, V was just hanging out with them, but Remus wanted a turn! He hadn’t gotten to spend any time with V past when they had met in the forest. He’d been hearing about and seeing V interact with everyone but him and it was really starting to get on his nerves.

He was aware that he was scary. He was large, he looked mean, he looked like he could kill- which in all fairness he could. It didn’t quite help that he was half chaos fae. I know, fucking wild, right? Now, with the knowledge that Remus had some chaos fae, it would probably be safe to assume that the Prince was also some sort of chaos fae, right? No actually. Fae children ‘laws’ were strange and made it so Princey- oh so conveniently- was not a chaos fae. Remus was always a little cross about that because that just wasn’t fair.

Being a chaos fae was annoying. He had retractable tentacles- though holding them in too long tended to make his back hurt. He also was more hyperactive and fidgety, L constantly quipping at him to sit still every time they had dinner. He also had a different aura than the rest of his clan.

Everyone else had an aura of something calming- or just in general something good. L had a calming and clarifying aura of a deep blue, Pat gave off a welcoming feeling every time he entered a room, the prince radiated confidence and gentle passion, and J… J’s aura was confusing. He gave off confidence and security, but it also always felt like he was up to something.

Remus gave off a chaotic aura. Being around him made people want to be reckless. He and his brother had broken far too many things for his effect to not be apparent. L would spiral into an infodump whenever Remus was around. Pat would be more reckless with his baking or foraging- Remus had once gotten him to eat a berry that he was 80% sure was poisonous; everything turned out fine but it was still worrying. J was more powerful so he wasn’t as affected as the others were, but Remus is sure he’s done something.

Remus didn’t like the idea of accidentally affecting V with his aura. He was too small, too influenceable. The human mind is so easily broken and he was not about to test its limits.

Still, he so desperately wanted to truly meet V. To just sit with him, to play games. V wasn’t his, he knew that from the beginning, but he just wanted a chance to see what it would be like to have him, if only for a second.

Linebreak

“No Re, you can't hang out with V!” Roman complained, wrestling with his brother in the dirt- thank the gods he could magic his clothes clean or he might actually have to kill Remus. Remus rolled his eyes and flipped them over, sitting on his brother’s back.

“Why not?! I can be civil!” Remus squawked as the prince grabbed his ankle and pressed down on the pressure point. He took the time to squirm out of the position to tackle him again.

“I’m not quite sure you can- hey!” Roman flicked his hand that Remus had licked before grabbing his forearm and using what momentum he had to scramble Remus onto his back. Remus cackled in his position, squirming a bit in an attempt to put Roman off balance.

“You're so possessive of V, I swear. It's like he's your lover or something.” Roman froze above him, his hold faltering just enough for Remus to flip him over and crawl away for a moment to catch his breath.

“What? Do you actually love him?” Remus asked, pushing some of his sweaty hair out of his eyes. Roman stared at him from across the dirt, breathing heavy and shaking slightly from exertion. Remus’s teasing smile faded as Ro looked away, pushing himself off the ground without a word.

“Wait, are you serious?” Remus scrambled up, stepping over to his brother quickly. Roman sighed and rubbed his hands across his face.

“I don’t know, I’m figuring that out. I- well I do love him but I don’t know if I love him like… like how I love you or like… love love him, you know?” Remus whistled and slung an arm around Roman’s shoulders.

“That’s… heavy. Sheesh, and I thought I was the emotionally burdened twin,” Remus joked, laughing when Roman rolled his eyes and pushed him off, “Oh come on, that was funny.”

“It was and I hate it.” Roman huffed, the corners of his lips twitching up. Remus counted that as a win.

“But really, can I please spend time with V today? I don’t care if someone supervises I just-” Remus took a deep breath, he hated admitting defeat just as much as his brother, “I just want to at least be able to know him.”

Roman blinked over to him for a moment, taking in his sullen state before pursing his lips. Remus glanced between Roman and the floor. A few moments passed of neither of them talking. That was long enough for Remus to sigh and open his mouth to throw in the towel.

“Fine-”

“Alright.”

“What?”

“Alright, but I’m sure everybody would prefer if you bright someone else along with you. I’m going to be busy tomorrow, so I suggest asking everyone else before supper for a chaperone and then asking V- at least then you can warn him who’s going to be tagging along.” Roman conceded, much to Remus’s surprise. Huh, who would have thought?

This was big. Nobody- and that means nobody- trusted Remus with V. He didn’t really think his guilt trip plan was going to work but… huh, nice.

Thank Tyche I guess.

“Thank you-”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Roman snipped, slightly deflating his own ego at the hurt expression on Remus’s face, “There’s no guarantee that everyone is going to be as… willing for you to be around V. I suggest asking J to go with you. V seems most comfortable around him and J also tends to be quite… possessive.” Remus smiled again, this time it was crooked but playful.

“Second most possessive to you.” He jabbed. Roman laughed a bit and looked down at the dirt.

“I can’t say you’re wrong dear brother.” Remus’s smile faded. He had a lot to compete with if he was going to spend time with V.

Timeskip

It, unsurprisingly, took several weeks to convince J- or anyone for that matter- to let him and V spend time together, even with supervision. Roman had listened to his complaining the night of the day he and Remus had the whole “You can spend the day with V if…” conversation.

“Eirene give me strength- FINE! Gods, if you could stop squawking at me while I’m trying to work that would be wonderful,” Janus groaned, his hands hovering over a plant that he had been attempting to grow for the past half hour. Remus whooped and did a little dance before leaning down to where Janus was knelt in front of the plant and placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek with a loud shmack.

“Thank youuuu! You’re the best J!” Remus shrieked, standing up and bouncing around, “I’m going to go ask V now- oh he’ll be so excited-”

“Ah-ah-ah, slow down there. Stay here until I’m done. We need some rules before you run off. Sit, I’ll only be a moment if you could not distract me for once.” Janus sent him a quick glare before looking back down and closing his eyes. Remus groaned loudly and flopped onto the floor, drawing little doodles into the dust and dirt.

After what felt like forever, Janus finally lifted his hands, frowning at the plant in front of him and petting its leaves before turning to look at Remus. J stood up swiftly and gestured for the other fae to follow, already moving by the time he was standing.

“Are you ready for the rules? I assume you understand that I will not be letting you near V without fully understanding what you can and cannot do with him,” Janus said, putting his hands behind his back. Remus nodded eagerly and walked directly next to him.

“Yes sir!”

“Do not call me sir,” He bit before sighing, “First rule is you are not to do anything to V without asking him first. If that thing you wish to do with him puts V in way of any harm, it must go through me first.”

A nod.

“Good. Second rule, if V says he doesn’t wish to do something or wishes to back out of something, you must abide by these wishes.”

A nod.

“Third rule,” Janus snapped his gaze to Remus, stopping in his track, “Do not break him. He is not a toy. He is not replaceable. He is a mortal, Duke. Mortals are fragile. We are not going to test the limits of mortality under any circumstances with V. Think of him like… like a glass.

“Glass breaks easily. V also breaks easily.”

Glass is pretty. V is also pretty.

“While glass is replaceable, V is not. Priceless, inimitable, one of a kind. If you break him, we will never have someone like him again. If you break V, it will be the last thing you do. Do you understand me?” Janus threatened. Remus nodded, stepping slightly away from him with his eyebrows raised. Janus nodded and continued walking.

“Good. Now run along and go ask V. He should be with your brother today.” Without another word, Remus turned on his heel and ran for the gateway. Janus sighed and shook his head fondly.

Timeskip

They decided to spend the day at the lake. Remus had some maintenance to perform in the water anyway so he took it as a blessing. Janus and V were sitting on the dock, V reaching his bare feet into the water every few moments. Remus popped out of the water intermediately, having a quick conversation before diving back down. Eventually, Remus popped up and used his tentacles to prop himself up high enough to rest his arms on the dock.

“Hey V,” Remus said, looking up at the human with a toothy smile, “do you maybe want to swim for a little?” V raised his eyebrows and looked to Janus as if asking permission.

“Darling, you can decide this for yourself. I’m not going to be the one to control everything you do.” Janus send a small smile to V and squeezed his hand for a moment. V looked at him, his eyes asking the silent question of ‘really?’ before he turned back to Remus.

“I… Sure? Can we-” Virgil hesitated, looking into the dark water, “Can we go somewhere more shallow first?”

“Yeah, it’s tiring swimming in deep water anyway.”

Remus used a spare tentacle to push himself up onto the dock, retracting them into his back with a gross squelch. V stared up at him with wide eyes as the appendages slotted into Remus’s back, otherwise invisible incisions closing up quickly with a green-tinted clear goo dripping down his back. Remus shuttered and shook his head to get water out of his hair.

Water droplets splashed onto V’s white shirt, leaving dark semi-translucent patches on the cloth. Janus frowned slightly and wiped a bit of water off of V’s face, smirking when he flushed against the touch. Remus rolled his eyes at the sight and placed his hands on his hips.

“Do you need to change clothing or are you fine to swim in your normal clothes?”

“I’ll be fine in this. It’s already wet anyway.” V paused for a moment before pushing himself to stand, stumbling slightly as he tried to gain balance. Remus reached forward and carefully grabbed his forearms, helping to ground him.

“Careful, wouldn’t want you falling,” Remus winked, far too smooth for how awkward he felt saying that. Janus sent him a small glare as V’s face heated up. A smug smile spread across Remus’s face.

V looked out onto the shore, a puddle of nervousness settling in his stomach. The water looked deep. He couldn’t swim in deep water. What if something grabbed his leg? What if he forgot how to swim? What if a storm was coming?

His breath sped up, catching Remus by surprise. Janus on the other hand simply walked over to V’s side, taking his hand and whispering in his ear for a moment. Remus would swear up and down that J used some sort of magic on him because there was no fucking way it was that easy to calm the mortal down.

“Are you ready to go in?” Janus asked, squeezing V’s hand. V looked to Janus for a moment before looking back at the water.

“Would you swim with us?”

“I apologize my darling, but I can’t at the moment. I’ll watch carefully though. If anything happens, I’m here.” Janus sent a look to Remus who suddenly felt very out of place.

Keep your things away from him. I don’t want them to pull him under.

I’d kill them if they even came close.

That’s a lie

J, we literally can’t lie, we’re fucking fae.

Oh, you get my point. Just be cautious. Remember what I said. V is-

Glass- yes, yes, I know. I promise it’ll be fine.

Remus walked into the water, turning around and offering a hand to V.

“Are you ready?” V looked between Janus and Remus before letting go of J’s hand. Remus smiled as V carefully placed their palms together. He gave a gentle squeeze and walked them deeper into the water.

V let out a shaky exhale at the cold water as it soaked into his shirt and shorts. Janus had gotten him to at least wear something that wouldn’t weigh him down. Weigh him down.

God- wait- fuck nono not yet. It’s fine just take a breath, V thought to himself freezing in his spot. Remus sent a worried look back to him, the water only at the waists. Before he could even say a word, V snapped out of it and continued walking forward.

The water was around their shoulders when Remus decided it was far enough for them. It was cold in the lake. One would have thought that one of them might have used their magic to warm it but no. Remus almost regretted not planning to warm the water first until V drifted closer to him, carefully slotting himself nearby to get what heat he was radiating.

It was… cute. Remus didn’t find many things cute, but dear god this was definitely one of the cutest things he’d seen. He could feel Janus’s eyes on them, boring into his head but for the time being, he couldn’t care less.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, an idea sprouted. For a moment- only a moment- he debated even doing it. But he never had much self-control.

Remus reached a hand under the water and reared it back before rushing it forward and splashing water all over V. He flinched and closed his eyes, bringing his hands up to shield himself from the wave going over him. Once the water stopped, V looked over to him, a dazed expression on his face. A beat passed, then two. Then a smile broke out across V’s face. Remus’s heart sped up. Oh.

V splashed the water back at him, laughing slightly when Remus flashed his teeth and copied his movements. Janus watched their antics with a fond stare, rolling his eyes when Remus sent V an offended look when he dumped water onto his hair.

At some point, the two had drifted farther into the water, them having to kick slightly to stay up. Every few seconds V could feel rocks graze over his toes, smooth and detailed. He bobbed slowly up and down, using his arms to steady himself between splashes- speaking of.

Remus dove under the water for a moment before springing out and splashing water all around them- absolutely drenching V and somehow managing to send a few droplets to Janus. V laughed and brought a hand up to push the water and some of his hair out of his face. Bad move.

Remus should have been paying attention.

V let out a gasp as something thin wrapped around his ankle, tugging to pull him under. The faes eyes widened, Remus reaching forward to grab V- but he was just out of reach.

Water surrounded V as he attempted to kick the thing away. A few bubbles escaped his mouth. He couldn’t breathe. Fuck fuck fuck he was there all over again. Kids had flipped him into the well- there was so much water. It was so cold. They laughed at him. He couldn’t breathe, he was drowning.

Look at the freak! Drowning as he should!

Maybe he won’t drown- then we would know he’s a witch!

Yeah! What are you going to do freak? Are you going to die? Are you going to drown?

Oh, stop that- as if your ‘mommy’ would even come for you. Just fucking die already- useless monster.

A hand wrapped itself against V’s forearm, tugging him roughly to the surface. He took in a sharp breath, the oxygen burning his lungs as he was pulled against someone’s chest. His breathing couldn’t slow down- was he breathing? Shit, he still couldn’t breathe. He was going to die here, in this person’s arms. He was going to die.

“Shh shh, little one it’s alright. It’s alright, breathe V,” The Duke's voice called- Duke? “It’s alright, I have you, you’re safe. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Just breathe V.” Water dripped heavily from his clothes, an extra pair of footsteps splashing through the shallow.

“You said you would keep your things away from him!” Janus yelled before reaching out and pulling V away from Remus. J’s eyebrows pinched together, his lips curling up into a snarl as he held V to his chest, rubbing his back gently.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” Remus moved forward, ready to fuss over V and comfort him however he could. Janus flinched them away, tightening his hold on V.

“No, run along. I’ll handle this.” Janus hissed out. V was gasping sobs against his chest, shaking like a leaf from either the cold or the adrenaline-maybe both. Remus looked at V helplessly.

“Please, just let me-”

“You’ve done enough. Go.” Pain shot its way through Remus’s chest. Janus brought his coat around V, covering him completely.

“Please,” Remus begged, his hands still outstretched. J looked up and sent him a murderous glare.

“Leave.”

Remus let out a shaky exhale, clenching his fits before shoving them to his sides. A stew of emotion boiled in his stomach. He decided it would probably just be best to leave before it boiled over and he somehow managed to make things worse. He always managed to make things worse.

There was one less sea monster in the lake by the end of the day.

Timeskip

About a week passed after the incident. Everybody was- understandably- very pissed off with Remus. The only person who seemed to tolerate his presence at the moment was his brother- somehow. L was also fine with him being around but Remus could tell he was on thin ice around him.

He felt guilty- of course he did. Remus knew there were dangerous things in the waters and he wasn’t paying attention. He should have at least been aware of how far in V was pushed. The only thing he was glad about was that he got to V before he was pulled too deep in or ran out of air.

As much as he was angry with the animals in the lake, he knew there were plenty that were passive creatures and many more that knew well enough to not dare touch what wasn’t theirs. Remus decided to keep lake maintenance to be done strictly at nighttime. If anything picked a fight with him, there’d be extra room in the lake for more passive creatures.

The moon lit up enough of the terrain and most of the plants were bioluminescent- as were Remus’s tentacles. Hues of light greens and seafoam lit the pebbles and shells under the water. Every so often Remus would find a piece of sea glass and pick it up, putting it in his pocket as a reminder to leave it at V’s door.

He had been doing that every day since V and him had last spoken. He felt bad but gods he was bad at words. He took it as a win when he would leave his ‘room’ every morning and see that the glass he had left was picked up. Sometimes he would get lucky and find a piece that was- according to L- ultraviolet. V really liked those pieces from what he’d heard from Prince.

At the moment, Remus was cleaning up the bottom of the lake and getting rid of the remains that some of the carnivorous creatures would leave behind. When he broke the water’s surface to place the bones of yet another dead lake salamander, he was surprised to see a body sitting on the other side of the dock. He was even more surprised when he noticed the soft and oh so quiet crying and shaking of the figure’s shoulders. He watched them cry for a few moments more before it clicked.

“... V?” Remus called, waiting somewhat impatiently for him to turn around. When he never did, Remus dove under the dock and swam to resurface in front of him.

“Hey, hey V, are you alright?” V sniffled and looked up from where his head but buried in his legs, tears rushing down the sides of his face. He blinked at Remus for a moment, opening and closing his mouth before letting out a near-silent sob and putting his head back down. Remus cooed and pushed himself up and out of the water, the strain on the muscles in his tentacles causing them to shine just a little brighter.

“Little one, I need you to take a deep breath alright? Just in,” Remus exaggerated his breath, frowning when V just heaved and shook his shoulders harder, “Little one, hey, look at me- good. Can I touch you?”

V nodded and unwrapped his arms from his legs, making small grabby hands for a moment before pulling back. Remus caught them before he had taken them too far and moved closer, rubbing his knuckles with his callused and wrinkled hands. V let out a shuttered breath, the sobs fading slightly into cries and weak whines.

“I know, I know, take a deep breath for me- yes that’s it, perfect,” Remus breathed along with him, rubbing his thumb along V’s knuckles in time with when he should breathe, “Good job little one, just keep breathing like that. What’s wrong- what happened?”

V made eye contact with Remus, eyes still glossed over with a panicked sheen. The bags under his eyes were dark and bruised, the moon making his eyes look brighter- the color of his iris seeming to glow in the dark.

“I… I had a nightmare.” V mumbled, looking away. Remus’s lips tightened, his heart heavy as he drifted closer.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“Not… right now. I’m just- I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“I get that- that’s fine. I’ll get out of the water for you-”

“No! I mean- no I was um… I was thinking maybe uh…” Remus raised his eyebrows and gazed at V gently.

“Would you like to try swimming with me again?” He asked, rubbing his hands against his arms slowly. V paused before nodding, Remus giving him a warm smile. Nervousness settled in Remus’s chest, he can’t mess this up again.

“Hold on just a moment, I need to go check on something then we can swim.” Remus patted his arms before backing away and diving back under.

Swimming through, Remus glanced around for any of the more grabby monsters, sending a silent and rippling threat through the water. A threat of don’t touch what’s mine, if you do I’ll rip you limb from limb- I’ll make you an example. The vegetation squirmed and the creatures buried themselves below the dirt and rocks.

Remus sent a glare to a particularly brave monster and flashed his teeth, flexing his tentacles. It seemed to suffice but he used a bit of his magic to force the creature to bury itself in the rocks like the rest of them. Just in case.

Resurfacing, Remus looked to the mortal who was now standing up and lacking pants and his overcoat. He was shivering slightly, goosebumps all across his body. Remus smiled and offered him a hand, helping him slowly sink into the water.

Once he was completely in the water, Remus slid his hands up to V’s forearm. They were swimming only a few inches away from each other, Remus doing most of the work with his extra tentacles. V squeezed his eyes shut, gripping Remus’ arms tightly as he got used to the water’s temperature.

“Are you alright? Do you need anything?” Remus whispered, trying to read his face. Virgil opened his eyes and sent Remus a pleading look- and oh did that just make his heart break.

“Just- Just help me?” He begged, trying to pull Remus closer.

“I will, I will, I promise. You have my word my horror.” Remus pulled V against his chest, his heart racing. V felt a tentacle wrap underneath him, helping him sit up. He let out a distressed keen, holding Remus’s shoulder with a vice-like grip.

“It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s me,” Remus pressed a kiss to V’s head, “I’m not letting anything touch you.” Remus pulled his head back, using his spare hand to wipe some tears- or water- from V’s cheek.

V looked up at Remus, the light from the moon reflecting off the water and onto V’s face. Remus drifted his hand up the side of his face, tangling his hand in V’s hair. He looked so… precious. Janus was right.

V was glass. He was precious, breakable, one of a kind. Remus realized why the Prince and J were so possessive of him. He understood why Roman wanted to steal him away. He understood why Janus wanted to hold him to the end of time. He understood.

“My horror?” Remus breathed, “May I kiss you my horror?” V nodded and wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck. He didn’t need any more of an invitation.

Remus leaned forward and captured V’s lips with his, pulling him impossibly closer. He could feel his pulse against his lips, he could feel his hands pull at his hair. He could feel so much.

V wasn’t fairing any better, trying to lose himself completely in the smoky taste of Remus’s lips. Gods, other people absolutely did not taste like this. He tasted just like fireside rum- smokey, warm, addicting. A shiver shot down V’s spine as Remus licked gently against his lips, asking a soft question. There was nothing insistent about the kiss, no pressure to move on.

“Well well, what’s going on here?” A new voice asked, making the two of them jump and pull their heads apart.

“L you’re such an asshole!” Remus cursed, his heart pounding, “Don’t scare us like that- holy shit I think I just died a little.” L rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“You aren’t going to die, Duke,” L looked to V, “Good evening V. Why are you awake? Aren’t you going to be busy tomorrow- both of you?” Remus sighed and loosened his grip on V, not quite letting go. He sent a glare to L, starting to push the two of them to the dock.

“V couldn’t sleep, I was working on the lake. Sue us for having fun why don’t you.”

“Oh, you seemed to be having more than fun. I’m sure J or the Prince would be thrilled to hear about this.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” L sent Remus a playful smirk.

“Wouldn’t I?” He looked back to V, “You should head to bed little one, it’s very late.”

Remus whispered a warning before raising both V and him to the dock, placing them carefully onto their feet. V shook the water from his hands, shaking his leg to the side to get what water that was still in pooled in his boxers to fall out. Remus ran a hand from his forehead to the back of his neck, squeezing out the excess water from his hair.

“I’ll go change and sleep in a moment L. Can you… go- please?” L huffed and rolled his eyes, turning his foot to start walking away.

“Alright, I’ll go. Sleep soon, good night.” L turned on his heel and left, disappearing in the brush a few meters away. Remus sighed and rubbed V’s back.

“L is right, you should go to bed.” Remus hummed, looking down slightly to make eye contact with V.

“If I sleep, will you wait by my door in the morning?”

“If the others don’t shoo me away, yes.” Remus chuckled. V nodded and bent down, picking up his clothes. He took a few steps away before pausing and turning around.

“Can you… can you walk me back to the clearing?” Remus smiled and outstretched his hand, allowing V to take it.

“Anything at your request, my love.”

Linebreak

Remus understood. He liked understanding. The others expressed their love for V constantly in gentle touches and soft words. Remus had the privilege of being able to be more intimate with him- to kiss him and hold him close- even if it was at a much lower rate than he would prefer. He understood why the others wanted to keep him. V was everything. Remus wanted to tear the world apart for V.

He didn’t want to keep V forever- honestly, he preferred sharing him. V seemed happy around the others and it made Remus happy to see him happy. There was nothing he loved more than V’s smile, nothing he adored more than his blush, nothing he wanted more than his taste.

Remus wasn’t afraid to say that he loved V- he would scream it to the gods themselves if he could. He thanked Eros for everything he blessed him with feeling and Aphrodite for how she had blessed V. V may be common folk, a mere mortal, but Remus would never hesitate to treat him like a king. He understood.

V was a precious glass and a gift from the gods. Remus would do anything and everything in his power to keep him together- to keep him alive and happy.

Taglist: @i-read-by-lamp

(^if you would like to be added just ask!)

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

When tensions break too often- a dark side au story

So I got my ideas back for some angst and some tension in this au, and I just couldnt resist writing it. Plus its a good way to warm me back up into doing things for this au.

This is also a bit of a deeper dive into the dynamics of darkside! Virgil and the other dark sides and how they all bounce and thrive off each other, as well a some backstory and peeks at the full effects of Deceit leaving( jealousy is with the dark sides but is only mentioned, he currently doesnt make much of an appearance in this one in particular, he gets his own angst later)

This was fun to write, not gonna lie. Its been awhile an this is gonna be long so buckle up with me

I also got alot of inspiration to finally write this out(and revise parts of it) due in part to @aimasup ‘s recent comics and writings about their kid sides(which I love, like alot alot and I hope they dont mind me getting super inspired by it!)

ships: Past prinxiety, past anxciet, implied intruxiety, implied intrulogical, implied intruloxiety, implied one sided remus x wrath, implied past demus, implied current roceit

Im putting a trigger warning here for cussing, fighting(verbal and physical), descriptions of panic attacks and emotional breakdowns, violence, gross and inappropriate language, some body horror descriptions, as well as implied unsympathetic sides(all sides are morally grey but the perspective is biased towards the dark sides as its seen from Wrath’s view- keep that in mind)

Things are about to get angsty my friends but i promise it ends happy(for once in this au)

I hope you guys enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~

Wrath Sanders had a lot more patience then almost everyone gave him credit for. Most considered him the biggest hothead there was, going off at the first irritation. But, the truth was he was eerily patient...Sure he may simmer and seethe and hold onto things in unhealthy grudges, but he never lost his cool as often as some would want you to believe.

Wrath Sanders kept his cool during many things, even if that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He had sat back through many things, biting his tongue to hold back the venom and yelling and grinding his teeth together in anger and forced himself to sit through many many things that happened around him out of respect- out of a deep fucking respect- for Virgil’s Fear’s Anxiety’s authority. Instead, he watched shit go down over and over again and held himself back from reacting towards the problem, focusing his energy on the recovery. 

But, the most recent event was his last fucking straw.

It had happened seemingly out of nowhere, Wrath had been slumped down on their shitty lumpy couch boredly watching some dumb movie. It was getting later in the night, around 10 maybe 11 and he had one of Remus’s crappy beers partially drank in his hand. He was just getting up to change the movie or turn it off all together when the whole house seemed to shift violently, the walls seeming to tremble. There was a moment of confusion before he heard it.

“ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

His whole body jolted to its feet unsteadily as the sound of Anxiety’s pain wreaked scream filled the house to an almost deafening volume as it distorted and deepened. His body moved before his mind, lurching over the couch and running for the source of the scream as another one wailed out even louder than the first, the sound muffling the breaking bottle and violently shaking the walls with their reverb. He heard other sounds too underneath, glass shattering heavy objects banging and wood splintering, wallpaper shredding. A third screech rang out, cutting itself in half with echoing high pitched sobs. 

He hadnt been the first to make it to his room.

Wrath watched as he turned the corner in time to see Remus destroy Anxiety’s door with his morning star, a wild and desperately freaked out look to his glowing eyes as wood splintered and gave out under the weapon, some sending cuts into his cheeks. The creative side was then out of sight in a flash, forcing his way into the room yelling as to be heard over the screams.

Remembering the pain, the fear the absolute panic in Remus’s normally confident voice sent a deeper chill down his spine than the screams had.

“ Virgy??!! Fuck fuck fuck fUCK!! Virgy no no! Its me dammit!! Fuck FUCK FUCK!! No no NO! Virgy virgy virgy storm cloud creepy cryptid no no nnonononono look at me no no look at me cmon honey look at me not those at me. me me me me..” His voice continued, shaky and softening as the screams faded into heart wrenching sobs and high pitched hyperventilating gasps. Remus continued to speak, morning star thudding against carpet and a softer thud sounding.

“ Hey hey hey hey hey hey...hey hey hey I got you I got you I’m here im still here....i’m always here for ya honey...I got you now I got you see? Yeah yeah thats me....just focus on me....cmon cmon stormy cant pass out on me now...follow my breathing lets breathe together...in...out...in out...now....tell me five things you can see....cmon honey you got this just look up im here right here...” 

The sight through the broken door haunted him, made his chest throb hard and bile burn his throat. 

The bedroom before him was completely trashed. It was as if something feral and destructive had ripped it from its very foundation. Every piece of furniture, big or small, was broken and smashed apart, the anxious side’s bed and couch ripped into multiple pieces. Every shelf  or flat surface had faced an even worse fate, thrown around and shattered into various pieces that had been strewn around the room along with glass fragments from anything unfortunate enough to have been made of glass. Papers and books were severed and torn apart viciously, and the wallpaper was slashed in huge wide cute, some of the slashes cutting deep into the wall underneath. And in the middle of the disaster was Remus and Anxiety. Long, protruding limb like dark shapes sprouted from the purple side’s back, twitching and trembling with adrenaline along with his heaving, hunched over shaking form. Remus was there in front of him, knelt down to the balled up figure and slowly but surely coaxing him up enough to pull him into his arms and rock him back and forth as he kept speaking to him. It took Wrath a few seconds of his vision adjusting to the room’s darkness to realize Remus had more cuts on him, and why.

Strings.

Millions of purple tinted, tautly pulled strings, like a tightly woven and intricate sickening spider web filled the room from top to bottom as if trying to shield the two in its depths. He could see parts of them hanging limp, likely from Remus forcing his way through to the other. He watched in a horrified shock as Anxiety’s body lurched and jerked with his piercing sobs, hand harshly digging into his scalp through his hood and shadowy claws threatening to rip said hood open. He could see many of the strings connected directly to various parts of his body and to the eight extra things on his back and it made him shudder. The room radiated a sort of fear and panic that was infectious, suffocating even. But he refused to leave the doorway and abandon the two there, in that too dense darkness. 

He watched Remus manage to gather up the shorter side into his chest and rock him more, practically curling into a ball over him. He was still talking, his voice softening to the point he couldnt make it out anymore from the door. But he could see his expression. God his expression mightve been what pushed him past his bullshit accepting limit.

Remus’s face was grim, any traces of his grins and normal attitude gone. His eyes were glowing in a dark, dangerously violent fury but the way they stayed trained on Anxiety kept them, for the time being at least, soft and remorseful. There was so much pain there in that focused gaze, pain regret sorrow a disturbing amount of fear and understanding. His mouth moved with words not meant for Wrath to hear, soft gentle coos and reassurances too intimate to be heard by anyone else but the one trembling harshly in his strong arms. Brows furrowed and it made Wrath feel even colder to realize his hands, hands that were holding the other up and petting his hair through that black hood and rubbing between the spidery appendages, were trembling. 

Remus was trembling.

After awhile the strings seem to fade away into nothing, those shadowy limbs following them scarily slow. Once that happened and the worst of the darkeness seemed to dissipate was when Wrath dared to take a few stiff steps into the room, debris crunching too loudly under his boots. He saw Remus stiffen and his eyes flicker up like a cornered, ready to attack animal before relaxing, glow never leaving.

“ W...wh..r...R-remus...” 

“ Des...Dessy brat...h-hey spitfire do me a solid and go open my door ok? Dont worry itll lead to my bedroom...just...go open it for me...will you...?” Wrath’s voice failed him after that and he nodded, backing out of that suffocation and away into the brighter lit hall rushing from the room to push open the dark stained door further down. He turned around to go back, to try to help somehow...anyway he could, when he watched Remus instead picking his way out of the mess and into the hall, their leader cradled in his arms limply like a small sleeping child. Not a sound came from either of them as he stalked through the hall and into his room, a single nod dismissing Wrath before the door swung shut in front of him...

That was where he was drawing a line. Enough had been enough.

Wrath had sat back through many things, too many fucking things than he should have. He held back his doubts when Virgil and Roman had first started seeing each other when they were younger and dumber, had held himself and barely held Remus back from mauling the so called “good” creativity when things had gone awry and he had broken Virgil’s heart and left him in bitter, resentful pieces for them to pick up and help mend back together. He held back every time Thomas had, intentionally or unintentionally, slighted and undermined their jobs as a part of him, of their importance, of Virgil���s and Remus’s importance to him. He had sat back through the aftermath of ever fight with the “light” sides and with thomas, through every dismissal and banishment and arguement and accusation. He had helped and been there through countless sleepless nights and previous breakdowns and panic attacks between all four three of them, and he had been here, had been forced not to retaliate as per Virgil’s simple request.

“ Dont Des....dont go after them...Im forbidding it got it? Dont do it. it isnt going to be worth it...please...” 

It had always been the please, soft and defeated that made him obey. Not the angry snaps and lashing out, not the cruel words and push and shove they all did for so long, but the plea in that word...the vulnerability it revealed. 

He had sat through Deceit’s slow distancing from the rest of them...and his eventually leaving them for the light sides and the ensuing pain and breakdown that his leaving left behind.

It had splintered them, had struck both Virgil and Remus harder and more painfully than either side would verbally admit. Wrath had been forced to do nothing but helplessly watch it break them and break himself too, and try to clean up the aftermath best he could.

But this breakdown, seeing the side that had always stubbornly refused to buckle or back down reduced to a screaming sobbing wreck on the floor, seeing the other side he had always seen be nothing but strong and indifferent to everything thrown with a grin shaking in fear and softly pleading was too much.

He had stayed down, seething, resentment festering for years. too many years without an outlet.

He remembered the hand that had been held out to him all those years ago. Remembered coming along a little bit before Deceit ever did...and looking up from where he was angrily crying on the floor to see two figures before him. One was shorter, with two sets of brightly glowing purple and green eyes and a big black hoodie that was too big for him and messy hair that fell into his face. Behind him was someone much taller, with wild hair and a single streak of white in it, eyes feral and gleeful i a way that made him tense and made him mad through his tears. He was dressed extravagantly, like a prince or even a king grinning unnaturally wide. But his focus narrowed on the purple one, whose dark claw tipped hand stretched out in front of him in an offering. When Anger had put his head back in his knees to cry more he felt an arm drape over him. His head snapped up and he saw the princely one next to him with a softer expression, hand rubbing his back a little.

“ Hey....hey its ok Anger. Whatcha crying for? You did your job! Pretty damn well too! You were amazing the way you had Thomas screaming at that bully!” A clawed hand smacked him making him yelp and he looked in front of him to see Fear knelt in front of him with a look of understanding, a bitter smile on his face.

“ He’s right you know? You were only doing your job...you didnt realize how out of hand things would spiral and thats ok. How they reacted isnt your fault...” 

They offered him a place to go, a place to thrive. Screw the others that refused to understand and stay with them. And Fear led them both deeper down the halls by the hand, making sure he didnt get lost

He was done standing down.

Someone needed to pay. 

~ ~ ~

If he was honest, Wrath wasnt sure how long he sat outside the intrusive side’s shut door, sitting slumped against the opposing wall in a thick, deafening silence. It mustve been long enough for him to drift into an uneasy, restless sleep. His dreams filled up with memories of younger years, of pranks and scuffles and violent roughhousing the three of them got up to being on their own, of Remus making meals and running around frantic to keep both Anger and Fear from accidentally killing themselves or each other on something. Of Deceit hazily joining their trio, hesitant and quiet but able to snap back just as viciously and able to rough house back just as good as the rest of them after awhile. Of days filled with shrieks, squeals, bickering and shrilly laughter, of restless nights where they all broke into Remus’s room and dog piled on his bed to sleep. Of slowly growing up and watching Virgil come out of his quiet observance and transition from Fear to Anxiety and taking charge as a leader among them, of Remus stepping back and letting him with full confidence as his right hand and partner in crime in most cases. Of seeing Deceit come out of his terrified shell and blossom into a belovedly bitchy and...supposedly self assured side...of Virgil’s echoing screams that seem to reverberate through his very core...

He jolted awake at the sound of a door creaking, and sluggishly lifted his head to see a pair of familiar scuffled riding boots, laces fraying if you looked close enough. He lifted his gaze higher and soon locked onto tired green eyes that were dark and dull from exhaustion. Lifeless was a term he could describe those eyes with and that fact made him briefly queasy and cold. He looked tired, so very tired, and older. He was older than them both....but right now he looked much older than he was...There was a silence between them for a few moments that allowed Wrath to rouse himself up a little more.

“ Dessy....for all thats unholy...what’re you still doin out here dumbass? Did you stay there all night?” 

‘Dessy’...‘ Des’ the nickname eased some of his shot nerves. Ever since they were kids they had joked that his name shouldve been “ Despair” instead of “ Daniel Williams” because of his very present pessimism and negative outlook. And soon it became so much more fitting that his nickname became “ Des” short for despair...or in Remus’s case “ Dessy” as he oh so enjoyed calling him. The annoying nickname was familiar though, and it helped him relax enough to speak. His voice was rough and awkwardly quiet in the small hallway, as if he’d been the one screaming. 

“ I....wanted to make sure he’d be ok...” He trailed off, voice faltering with a clear shake. It sounded pathetic and weak to him. 

But maybe, just this once pathetic and weak wasnt a bad thing. Because at the sound of his voice, and his dumb reason, Wrath saw some life flicker back into the older side’s eyes, some of their glow returning. Remus let out a tired, exasperated sigh and gave him a small sad smile, his expression softened into something sorrowful yet fond. That fondness, that softness sent warm tingling butterflies fluttering through his chest like it always did despite the grim circumstances. Remus let out a strained chuckle and shook his head, pulling his door shut with a quiet click.

“ He’s asleep now ya little Tasmanian devil...let him rest and we’ll check on him in a bit...now cmon, lets go make some breakfast and watch some movies or something....lets go up up.” With a grunt Des allowed himself to be heaved up by the armpits to his feet and didnt protest Remus wrapping an arm around him and guiding him down to the living room. He didnt want to see that pained exhaustion on his face...he needed to do something

and had a problem he was finally going to get rid of. 

“ No Des you cant.” 

There was that feeling as familiar to him as breathing bubbling in his chest, that hot smoldering feeling of anger or irritation igniting. It flushed out the cold he had been feeling in an unpleasant way but he ignored that part, pressing his palms flat on the table with a bit of force as he narrowed his orange eyes at the one across from him. He felt something like acid stinging his mouth and begging to be spilled free but he did as he usually did and grit his teeth to hold the worst of it at bay. Pushing it down. Holding back again.

“ Not again Remus. I refuse to just fucking sit back and do nothing again. They need to be taught a lesson! This is all their fault- all his fault--”

“ Even if it is so fucking what?! You blindly lashing out at them is only going to make things worse I can promise you that--”

“ Like hell it will!! They act like they can just walk all over us and treat us like fucking trash and cause things like last night and you think im lashing out blindly when--”

“ --When youre temper is as violent as a fucking feral mongoose--” “ Dont call me a fucking mongoose beetlejuice reject!!” “ Oh shut up and sit back down you twerp!!” 

They went back and forth across the table, both their tempers and volumes raising as they fought. That bubbling feeling was twisting into a boiling, growing burning that began filling his chest and core. Why was Remus not agreeing with him for fucks sake--

His vision started tinging red.

“ Look brat you think I fucking like this?! You think im not pissed the fuck off?! Because I am! I’m beyond pissed off about this!! About the fact I know exact who and what caused Virgy’s breakdown and about the fact it happened at all!! I fucking get it!! But even I know you shouldnt just storm in there to take off trying to take off their fucking heads when youre too upset! Youre not thinking clearly enough for that kind of confrontation dammit im trying to protect you in this too!!” Remus’s words were loud, ruthless, and hard hitting. There were angry and forceful and made sense.

Plenty of sense. 

And somehow that made him even angrier.

“ Oh? Ooooh! I get it, I fucking get it! Now that youve been sweetening up fucking logic youre suddenly the first to fucking defend them hurting our fucking best friend--”

“--oh for fucks sake bitch Logan has nothing to fucking do with this!! Im not fucking defending them either!! I swear to god im just trying to--” “ --to what huh?! Keep on his good side so you can get in his fucking pants?! Or so you can fucking push it aside and laugh about it later like one of them?!--” “ Goddammit you fucking stubborn brat you dont know what youre even talking about--” “ I dont know what im talking about?! I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT?!?!” His voice rose much louder, his own trembling distortion coming out and getting spat at the side who had helped fucking raise him like venom.

“ I dont know what im talking about?!!  You mean like how I NEVER seem to know what the fuck im talking about?! Like how Virgil  never knows what hes talking about or how you never seem to know what youre fucking talking about when your talking to them?! God now youre even starting to sound like those pretentious bastards!! Dont know what im talking about?! What part do I not know what im talking about Intrusive Thoughts?! huh??!!” His breath was coming out in ragged, squeaking pants as his eyes began to burn “Which fucking part do I not fucking know?! The part where ive had to sit back and bottle up my rage at being pushed aside and degraded and judged and dismissed or having to sit back for fucking years and watch you and virgil get hurt and hurt and ignored and dismissed and talked down and insulted and broken and having to swallow my protests of it?! Or of knowing last night fucking happened because Deceit decided to fully live up to his fucking name and abandoned us for those bastards and left us alone without a second thought and got away with it?! Or the fucking fact youre too busy trying to bone down logic to even fucking care--!!” 

Smack!

It came so fast he hadnt had time to prepare for it before his head was snapped to the side and pain exploding in his face, on the cheek near the jaw in particular as he staggered to the ground a good foot and his eyes eerily slow dragged themselves from looking at the kitchen cabinets to Remus, who still had his fist outstretched near where it had collided with his face, his chest heaving almost like his own was, eyes wild and just as angry before a flash of realization went through them.

“ ....Des....fuck...i...you...” Nothing too coherent came babbling out Remus’s mouth, he was still way too hoped up on anger fueled adrenaline. His fist was starting to tremble and Wrath watched his pupils dilate a few times in his attempt to calm down.

And then there was something like an explosion as that burning feeling warped into a raging fire and Wrath let out a infuriated, inhuman shriek and lunged for Remus with a full intent to rip out his stupid fucking throat as his rage consumed him.

The two fighting sides went crashing into the living room loudly nearly knocking over the couch in their wake, both of them screaming and Wrath inhumanly screeching in an almost reptilian manner as he clawed and punched wherever he could reach. Remus wasnt just lying down and taking it either, yelling in loud angry spats of soon unraveling nonsense as he fought back mercilessly, throwing the other into walls, into furniture, throwing punches and kicks of his own. But nothing seemed to slow the orange side down and he struck back with slowly growing claws and fangs and something sharp growing out of his hair, angry tears burning his eyes and his voice too warbled and distorted to even be understood anymore, both their forms twitching and subtly shifting and glowing as they tried to rip each other to shreds, things fluid dripping and twisting lashing out from Remus’s back. Remus was stronger, he always had been, but Wrath had a seemingly endless stream of fury and adrenaline that kept him getting back up and charging in for more, the room being wrecked between them. Maybe things would have gone too far if it hadnt been brought to a hard, screeching halt.

By the time they could both blink they were ripped away from each other, both now uselessly struggling as they were entangled in roughly restraining strings that glowed a eye straining, furious purple color and seemed to tighten and wrap around them more the more they fought and struggled for freedom. Their indecipherable words and incoherent screams where just as ruthlessly cut short as strings wrapped warningly around their throats, not tight enough to actually choke or hurt them, but firm enough to be very present and felt, their voices being quite literally silenced the moment it touched looped once and touched the spot over their vocal cords. There was a horrifically tense silence as their mouths moved in spat insults and screams that never made a sound.

“......that....that is enough out of both of you.”  

Virgil’s voice cut through the room like a cleaver, the tone dead, cold, and just as pissed off as they were. At first they couldnt see him, manic eyes darting around until Wrath saw the Duke’s eyes trained on top of the stairs near the hallway, pupils down to small pinpricks. When he glared over in that direction he fully understood and felt all that anger draining and quickly turning into a queasy, cold dread that made him want to cower.

That radiation of fury, or bone chilling fear and a kind of suffocating anxiety that made it hard to breathe and a panic that made them both feel like they were perpetually falling and simultaneously drowning swept over the living room like a flood, the corners and ceilings slowly developing intricate pulsing webs or strings that seem to absorb the rooms light as Virgil stepped, no, half crawled down the stairs and into view. Both sets of eyes were visibly, the whites dyed a void like inky black where his brightly burning purple and green irises cut into them coldly. Something sharp and gleaming poked from his scowl and revealed themselves as fangs as his snarl curled his lips. His hood was up hiding most of his pale skin but couldnt hide the flecks and scatterings of void like, inky and purple spots dusting parts of his slowly purple tinging skin. His hands, snapping out from his sleeves to grip the stair railing were fully blotched in that void, fingers curling into razor sharp claws that strings hung stickily too. The eight dark appendages, opaque and gangly half carried him down faster than usual, the ends digging into the carpet as if for stability. A shrill hiss whistled through Anxiety’s teeth and the panic inducing feeling of being stared at at being excruciatingly examined came from every corner, growing worse and worse as he stalked closer with silent movements. 

“ What....the actual fuck are you two doing.” The words with sharp edged and cold, tone flat and tired. They both just stared helplessly, unable to move or speak and both beginning to mindlessly panic. Virgil blinked and a gust of air like an exhale swepted through the room and....left no traces of those fearful horrified feelings in its wake. Both of their feet thudded mutedly against the carpeted floor as the strings released them and retreated back into nothing, disappearing from all around them as if they had never been there to begin with...the room never dimmer than it had started in the morning light and the three of them stood there in silence. Any hints of inhumanity were gone from Anxiety’s form, leaving his two still glowing eyes losing their luster and leaving dull annoyance behind, no fangs, no extra limbs, no claws, no void dotting his skin. When he spoke he took a slow breath, as if unable to breathe just like them.

“....I...I mean it you two...what. the actual fuck did you two wake me up with.” Even his voice had returned to normal, if not for a bit shaky and hoarse from last nights screaming. Wrath saw his eyes were bloodshot, and his face was tinged with blotchy pink and was puffy from crying and something clenched in his chest, thudding hard. He looked at Remus, who was panting from lack of breath, eyes dull and exhausted and pain filled again, injuries from their fight blaring from the blood decorating his body and clothes.

He had done that....he’d lost control again...

“ Im dont want to repeat myself a third fucking time. What the fuck did you--” 

“ I...This is my fault I started it...” Both of them looked at him, gazes drilling into him. But he let his head drop as shame took over, choking him a little. This was his family and they were already hurting and look what he’d done-

“Oh piss off Dessperato. It aint only your fault I fucked up too. Look virgy we were both tired and coming off that dumb worry adrenaline shit and we started arguing...and we got waaaaaay too heated and decided to beat the living shit out of each other...sorry we woke you you were suppose to sleep later.” Virgil let out a sigh and rubbed his temples, pulling off his hood and shaking out his messy bedhead. 

“ Is that all that happened? Im not deaf and the doors arent sound blockers...” “ Then why are you asking.” Virgil and Remus as a bit of a stare off before finally, for the first time that morning all the life slowly returned to his eyes and he gave a toothy, blood streaked grin and started to laugh. The other two looked at him like he had fully lost it. Then Virgil’s lips twitched up and Des rolled his eyes and failed to stop the grin spreading across his face or the chuckles that he managed to choke out. Within a few minutes all three of them were laughing on the messy living room floor  half sprawled over each other and Jealously bemusedly deciding they werent capable of making breakfast and making it for them all instead. Des watched half delerious from his exhaustion as Remus cackled and kicked his leg, just to laugh more when he kicked back.

“ I swear to god no more violence out of you two or I swear I’ll...” Remus let out a snort and gripped the other’s chin between his fingers sensually tugging their faces closer with a smug grin

“ You’ll what Hot Topic? Lock me in the closet again? Or send me reeling with nightmares and hallucinations~ Oh please virgy baby I dare you too~” His tone was light and suggestive, quirking his eyebrows up teasingly for added effect. Virgil snorted and and grinned back leaning close as well.

“ Oh dont start teeempting me with those sweet talkins about hallucinations dr. Hideous~ I might just take you up on that...” Then he flicked his nose and shove him away, both of them laughing. Des was about to try to give them the time to themselves when Remus yanked him between them waggling his finger disapprovingly, making him whack the other’s shoulder with a affectionate “ fuck RIGHT off” and for awhile, in that growing morning light, things felt ok. 

It had taken alot of talking, and another arguement almost breaking out between himself and virgil to convince him to back down from confronting the light sides violently. Virgil brought a surprising amount of identical points to remus, while also reminding him that reacting to violently will only make them ignore and dismiss him further. Des was very reluctant, and stubborn, but ultimately he trusted Virgil’s and Remus’s judgement. He trusted Virgil’s reasoning and that he was looking out for him- protecting him. So when he asked him, softly, to refrain from trying to handle it on my own and let him deal with it Des had agreed, obeying his request.

And then a real tipping point pushed him back over the edge.

It was a few weeks later. He remembered distinctly because the mindscape was abuzz with excitement, even the dark sides were effected by Thomas’s unbridled joy. But Virgil had said he was getting a bad feeling...and headed off to the main part of the mindscape that morning. Things were quiet after, calm even. At some point him and Remus had started playing cards, though Remus was blatantly cheating and they were bickering.

Things were fine...things were calm...

Then Virgil crashing into the living room breathing harshly and in the midst of a bad panic attack. 

They both jumped up and Remus caught the other in his arms, trying to calm him down and figure out what happened. It took a long time and for awhile they only got bits and pieces out

Thomas

A callback, a big important one he and Roman were thrilled for

Patton, something with both Patton and Deceit

Neither of them agreeing but both of them fighting Virgil

some kind of important friend event on the same day

they had argued, they had fought, there had been yelling by the climax of it

Him and Roman went at each others throat despite the fact he had been trying to help roman’s cause

Deceit fought him alot too, trying to cut him off at every chance in a form of fear response, out of defense

Him and patton argued and fought badly for the first time since Thomas’s last breakup

He thought logan would try to see his side and be a neutral party

Logan was getting tug of warred into agreeing to arguments to push him out

They kept trying to shut him down and dismiss him, they stopped listening fairly

Virgil had to pull out a form shift in front of thomas

He had to use his influences and fear to get them to stop talking over him and twisting his words

it only made things worse, and arguments harsher

They rejected him and his attempts to help more

He started having a panic attack mid argument

He thought logan and patton tried to help but they were getting drowned out by Roman and Dee

There was so much yelling, things that should never be said got thrown

They told Virgil he never does anything but make Thomas worse

Thomas finally nearly screamed for them all to stop and half asked half pleaded for Virgil to just leave until everyone calmed down

He lashed out and hit someone, he wasnt even sure who before he fled, not hearing them yell after him. It mightve been patton, or thomas, or maybe logan

And then his panic attack got worse and neither of them could get another understandable word from him. 

In the end Remus eventually got him called down, after a good couple hours of trying, and it took everything in Wrath not to scream and destroy the room.

All Virgil did was try to help, and look what their....their bullshit left him. He was beyond seething at this point, he was fuming he was downright practically breathing fire and shaking from the effort to keep himself still. Remus gave him a cautious warning look, as if he was sizing up one of his many monsters in the imagination and debating if it would kill him or not and Virgil lifted his head to choke out for him to stand down, and to not do anything. Wrath had nodded silently and waited, watching Remus help him upstairs to his room to grab his headphones, and hopefully calm down more. Once they were out of sight he made a decision. He knew the consequences of it, knew theyd both be furious and Virgil would make hell for him for it. But none of that mattered to him

For the first time in many many years...he disobeyed Anxiety’s direct request.

It took a few days to find an opening, but once he saw one he took it, rising up in the big main living room, unknowingly in the middle of a video brainstorm.

Wrath always seemed to appear near the couch, between Roman and Thomas. Just seeing them made his blood boil more than it had been.

It was easy to say he scared the shit out of most of them by just appearing, his entire presence sucking the air from the room and making it hot and tense, a cracked dam waiting to break. Itd been months since he’d seen them face to face, and for a moment his senses got overwhelmed by everything.

But he let that fuel his anger further and he growled for them to fess up. Which one had said it. Roman had of course jumped to the defensive of his friends and that was all Wrath needed.

He lost it, pointing and yelling and accusing Roman. Blaming him for it. Roman didnt back down and fought back, and the fight only seemed to worsen. The others tried to interject, and maybe if Wrath’s vision hadnt been blood red from his fury he wouldve seen they were trying to diffuse the situation and calm things down, talk things out. But he ignored that, whipping around and lashing out at them too

“ Wrath you need to step back and take a deep breath! Youre getting irrational!”

“ Wrath kiddo please we dont have to yell and scream about this Logan’s right lets all take a deep breath ok?”

“ Like hell! Im not going to just let him force his way in here and yell and scream and pretend its ok and we can talk!”

“ Roman please!” “ro stop getting angry back is just making all of it worse the others are right we need to be calm or we’ll never get through to him.”

That voice. Silken and soaked with caution. He whirled around on Deceit and snarled pinning him to the wall without thinking.

“ This is all your fucking fault! Youre the reason they keeping hurting and virgil has breakdowns that put him out of commission for days!! Youre part of the reason Remus locks himself away beating himself up. they trusted you!! We all trusted you and you decided to fuck us over and throw us out like trash!! Was it worth it?!?! Was being here worth breaking the people you grew up with you and loved you?! Well?!” There was yelling around them, and he thought briefly he heard Remus’s and Virgil’s voices behind him as well. But now all that anger, that pushed down bitterness and resentment finally had a target and he couldnt focus on anything else. He didnt even heard Deceits struggling answer as he tried to claw him off, his different eyes wide and his mouth moving in words that werent registering.

“ -youre right ok?! Fuck youre not right at all--fuck fuck I get it youre angry and I fucked up with this, this isnt my fault and I havent been trying to figure out ways to fix it! I totally havent been beating myself up for what happened a few days ago with virgil and I dont regret it ok--” THe words blended together in his head, there were hands on his shoulders ripping him away the the freaked out snake and shoving him into the couch. He snarled but froze when he realized He was staring at the very formal business end of Remus’s morning star, inched from his nose and Remus standing over him with a dark look over his face...dark and upset The red faded from his vision and he blinked rapidly, eyes burning again and jaw aching from how hard he’d been clenching it or from yelling he honestly couldnt even tell anymore. From behind Remus stood both Logan and Virgil, side by side speaking in rapid low voices he couldnt decipher. Behind them he caught of glimpse of Roman and Patton both kneeling on the floor, fretting over a still freaked out Deceit as Jealously offered to help him up. Wrath was struggling to breathe, his body twitching and shaky from the quickly fading adrenaline. Soon he was left feeling cold and sick of himself, staring at Remus with just as wide and wild eyes. 

“ Easy....easy spitfire....youre...just breathe for me ok?” He couldnt even nod, he couldnt move. He vageuely noticed Virgil and Logan both looking at him before the morning star was gone and Logan was in front of him, hands palm up in a non-threatening manner. 

“ Wrath can you hear me? Good...just listen to my voice...I need you to name me five things you can see.” He blinked rapidly and barely heard Remus’s and Virgil’s murmurs of reassurance. Or maybe Virgil’s was more quiet talking, as he was standing at Patton’ side  like the normally bubbly side’s shadow. 

“u...uuh....y..youre tie...r-remus’s outfit....the stairs...the others...and the Roman’s s-sword...” Logan gave a nod, slowly kneeling in front of him with a calm, leveled expression that helped him focus more.

“ Good, now four things you can touch. Take your time Wrath.” He flexed his fingers, more of a twitch really as his breathing began to even out slowly. “ Um...My jacket...the couch...my jeans...uh...t..the carpet?” He nodded again through his faltered stammering as the deepness faded.

“ Three things you can hear?” He blinked again and listened for a moment.

“ .....your voice...Remus’s voice...the others...” “ Two things you can smell, remember take your time.” “ Bacon...from breakfast...and someones cologne..” A small smile came to his face as he adjusted his glasses in slow noticeable motions.

“ Just just 1 thing you can taste.” He managed to smack his lips once and his face screwed up at the taste lingering in his mouth.

“ ....acidic bile...” Both their brows furrowed a little but when Logan looked over his shoulder Remus shrugged at the silent question.

“Probably needs to puke Dr. Maywhoo.” Logan sighed at the nickname and turned back to him, holding up his hands a little.

“ Now, Wrath Id life for you to unclench your jaw, roll and relax your shoulders, loosen your posture if you can, uncurl your fingers and exhale please.” He blinked and slowly did as instructed, not realizing until then that he was wound up like a jack in the box. His jaw ached as he unclenched it and his shoulders slumped heavily as he relaxed, fingers sore from apparently being curled into firsts for so long, small red lines in his palms from his nails. He felt calmer, drained and upset, but calm. 

“ Logan, Remus.” He looked past them to see virgil standing up tall, if not awkwardly, besides Roman and watching them with a hard to read look.

“ I...think sitting down and calmly talking...is now long overdue.” 

~~~~~

Hours later Wrath Des found himself on the mindscapes main couch tiredly nestled besides a dozed off Jealousy Jacob and a cheerfully talking Patton. They had spent hours haphazardly strewn around the very room, just...talking and discussing and airing years worth of grievences. It wasnt easy, and things were no where near fixed or completely repaired. But, there were many small positive steps taken in that direction...and things were lighter and better as they stood at a better understanding of each other. Things werent perfect, and in the back of his mind he could list everything that could fuck up and send them back spiraling. Yet he didnt want to ruin what...whatever it was happening as dinner was cooked. Logan, Remus, and Virgil all sat together on the other side of the couch chatting among themselves and with Patton as they tried to decide on a movie and played candyland. In the kitchen he could hear Roman and Deceit cooking and giggling with each other, trying to outdo each other with some dumb food based pick up lines. But they sounded happy, so many it wasnt that dumb...Des watched them play candyland, staying relatively quiet aside from answering questions and jabs sent his way. It was comfortable and relaxed, and Des couldnt help but yawn. Without noticing , he ended up resting his head on Patton’s clearly unoccupied and underutilized shoulder as his eyes drooped shut. He felt Patton jump a little before slowly relaxing, and he didnt even need to open his eyes to flip Remus off as he let out an overly exaggerated coo at the motion letting himself relax. Patton smelled good he decided. Like fabric softener and baked goods and some kind of spice...Des also decided that the blurry sight of the trio next to them, with Remus’s legs draped across Logan and Virgil’s laps and one hand playing with Virgils messy hair as he sat on Logan’s right and Virgil contently and fully relaxed into Logan’s left side, head resting in the crook of his neck and his hand laced with the logical side’s unused hand as they played was also good. The sound of Jacobs soft snores was soothing and the joyful flirty voices in the kitchen blended into it well when combined with Pattons soft humming. If this was how things would be more often....he’d learn to add a little more patience to his supply of the stuff....

And maybe for once he didnt have to be negative, with no more tension for now to be broken.

The end.

 Ok holy shit its finally finished!! This was over 7k goddamn words of emotion and holy shit was it a rollercoaster to write

THis is what happened when I wake up before 5 in the morning after not being able to sleep much...I apparently bust out 15 whole pages worth of words

Now....to go do my chores real quick and go pass the fuck out for an hour or two of sleep

I hope you guys liked it!!!

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