#patrek mallister

[jeyneofpoole]

Can you make a list and a ranking of theon's hookups in the strip mall based on how often they shag? I just know that bitch is fucking someone behind the dumpsters during 7 minutes of their lunchbreak while using his left hand to smoke a joint.

ramsay obviously. we've previously established that he locks theon in the walk-in to get his rocks off but what you don't know is that they're also having terrible, no-holds-barred, freaknasty sex in the back of ramsay's secondhand kia soul and then ramsay drives him home so he can watch through theon's bedroom window as he cries before bed (every night).

barbrey. don't get me wrong, there is no equal division of labor here. she makes him finger her in the back office with latex food handling gloves on while he's on lunch and takes away his hours if he goes over his allotted thirty minutes. she puts her cigarettes out on him. it's that kind of thing.

patrek mallister. woah new entry into the cinematic universe. patrek works at the local shitty gym called the 'thunderdome' or whatever that is carpeted for some godforsaken reason and always smells like wet dog. they absolutely desecrate some lifting benches but they're always doing the 'it's not gay to help a brother out, right? this is just what friends do, bro' and it's mostly terrible hand stuff.

roose. not technically a hookup, but he does watch everything through a ridiculously elaborate camera system he has installed throughout the mall. yeah it's a sexual thing.

[lego-asoiaf-fan-minifigs]

Lord Jason Mallister (left) and his son Patrek

Here's my LEGO adaptation of alexandrokayart's Mallisters canary, linked below

[creganstahk]

still need george to explain whats with all this then

[salty-wench]

#i have a fear #the fear is that grrm adds too much to patrek #like the think is he's minor so I'm here making shit up #what happens when the creator contradicts me? #the horror #maybe I don't want twow this is EXACTLY how i feel about wex 😭

It's so funny this post came up today because I was reading through a greysnow multichapter wip of mine (realising how much of Patrek is in there) and had this sinking feeling. What if I have to put a disclaimer on my fics 😂 (I have 17 with him in)

My only comfort is that a good proportion of fics with Patrek in on ao3 were written by me or mutuals and we're in agreement so if grrm contradicts us he's the one that's wrong 😉

If I had built on Wex enough I'd also be like this with him. Like he might be minor but he might well come up even more... I don't think he's going to turn around and make Wex do something terrible though at least!

This is a bit of an issue with Rickon to be honest too because there's only so much you can do to translate a 3-year-old into an older character

[alleyskywalker]

NEW FIC: All These Woes Shall Serve (Patheon)

Title: All These Woes Shall Serve Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire Characters/Pairings: Theon/Patrek, (past) Patrek/Edmure, (past, prob. unrequited) Theon/Robb Rating: PG-13 Word Count: ~3.5k Summary: On a diplomatic mission for the Iron Islands after the war ends, Theon meets Patrek once again. Notes: A belated Theon Exchange treat for @salty-wench, the Patheon ship captain!

Read on AO3

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Forever mad there are no more Patrek Mallister-centered fics. He is the Marius Pontmercy of ASOIAF.

[st-clements-steps]

Patrek Mallister

[dreamfyre01]

Historia de la Casa Mallister - CDHYF

[cecilyneville]

following along with the fan-made timeline during my asoiaf reread is so eye-opening. what do you mean ~6 weeks passes b/w cat i and cat ii asos. like makes sense given how long it would take robb's army to travel from the crag to riverrun but......six weeks of sitting with your dying father who keeps mistaking you for your sister and asking for forgiveness for the botched abortion he forced upon her. six weeks of being held under house arrest by your brother while he spends his days hanging out with his frat bros listening to propaganda music. no one is doing it like the tullys

[daenystheedreamer]

ok theon hypothetical washed up boyband boy WHO are the other boys. NO ROBB!! im thinking renly is lance bass hes the gay one and boyband edmure is REALLY funny to me. 

[nedcatweek]

Ned: I don’t know what I was expecting but I should’ve expected this.

Catelyn: It was a nice gift from Edmure, you have to give him that.

Ned, staring at the strap on Edmure gifted them: I guess

*Meanwhile*

Edmure: I hope that means I have to stop listening to my sister moaning. Riverrun has thin walls you know.

Patrek Mallister:…You rather hear your brother in law—

Edmure: shhhhhh shush.

[west1rosi]

STARTER CALL: MAIN TIMELINE.

like   this   post   for   a   starter   from   one   of   the   muses   of   main timeline of asoiaf.   if   you   are   a   multimuse,   please   specify   your   muses.   make   sure   to   also   choose   one   of   mine   or   at   least,   choose   a   few   for   me   to   pick   from.   only   liking   and   not   specifying   will   be   ignored.

muse list of main asoiaf timeline era:

lord tywin lannister. faceclaim : charles dance.

lady elyra brax (oc). faceclaim : jessica alexander.

king viserys iii targaryen. faceclaim : harry lloyd.

king robert baratheon. faceclaim: mark addy.

princess orysa baratheon (oc). faceclaim : jennie jacques.

gendry baratheon. faceclaim : joe dempsey.

theon greyjoy. faceclaim : alfie allen.

captain indya sunderly (oc). faceclaim : jessie mei li.

lady myranda royce. faceclaim :  yuliya khlynina.

lord ned stark. faceclaim : sean bean.

lady catelyn stark. faceclaim : michelle fairley.

queen jeyne westerling. faceclaim :  synnove karslen.

lord asher forrester. faceclaim : liam mcintyre.

lady mara mormont (oc). faceclaim : matilda de argelis.

lady jeyne poole. faceclaim : elinor crowley.

wylla manderly. faceclaim : alice agneson.

val of the free folk. faceclaim : frida gustavsson.

prince doran martell. faceclaim : alfredo castro.

prince oberyn martell. faceclaim : pedro pascal.

princess arianne martell. faceclaim : yvette monreal.

lady regent, allyria dayne. faceclaim :  marina moschen. 

lord edmure tully. faceclaim : tobias menzies.

lady roslin tully. faceclaim : rose williams.

ser patrek mallister. faceclaim : aneurin barnard.

marq piper. faceclaim :  jose ramon barreto.

alerie tyrell. faceclaim : joely richarson.

olenna tyrell. faceclaim : diana rigg.

lord willas tyrell. faceclaim :  gwilym lee.

ryna hightower. faceclaim : danielle rose russell.

elinor tyrell. faceclaim :  isabela merced.

margaery tyrell. faceclaim : natalie dormer

lady mina redwyne. faceclaim : claire ferlini.

lady desmera redwyne. faceclaim : charlotte hope.

meredyth crane. faceclaim : caitlin stasey.

jocelyn swyft. faceclaim: tamsin egerton.

addam marbrand. faceclaim: toby stephens.

lady alyssane lefford. faceclaim: sarah bolger.

lady shyra errol. faceclaim: holliday grainger.

alys karstark. faceclaim: gevenieve gaunt.

marei hill. faceclaim: eloise smyth.

ardrian celtigar. faceclaim : tony leung.

syrenia celtigar. faceclaim : dianne doan.

harras harlow. faceclaim : daniel sharman.

ser jorah mormont. faceclaim : iain glen.

[asoiafreadthru]

HOSTER TULLY, Lord of Riverrun,

His wife, [LADY MINISA, of House Whent], died in childbed,

Their children:

CATELYN, the eldest daughter, wed to Lord Eddard Stark,

LYSA, the younger daughter, wed to Lord Jon Arryn,

SER EDMURE, heir to Riverrun,

His brother, SER BRYNDEN, called the Blackfish,

His household:

MAESTER VYMAN, counselor, healer, and tutor,

SER DESMOND GRELL, master-at-arms,

SER ROBIN RYGER, captain of the guard,

UTHERYDES WAYN, steward of Riverrun,

His knights and lords bannermen:

JASON MALLISTER, Lord of Seagard,

PATREK MALLISTER, his son and heir,

WALDER FREY, Lord of the Crossing,

His numerous sons, grandsons, and bastards,

JONOS BRACKEN, Lord of the Stone Hedge,

TYTOS BLACKWOOD, Lord of Raventree,

SER RAYMUN DARRY,

SER KARYL VANCE,

SER MARQ PIPER,

SHELLA WHENT, Lady of Harrenhal,

SER WILLIS WODE, a knight in her service.

Lesser houses sworn to Riverrun include Darry, Frey, Mallister, Bracken, Blackwood, Whent, Ryger, Piper, and Vance.

[jackoshadows]

What do you think will be the political ramifications of Jon's death? I think the free folk won't have it. It will be really chaotic.

The Freefolk are most definitely not having it. At this point Jon Snow is more or less their King Beyond the Wall. They are ready to fight for him. The last Jon chapter makes that clear.

“The Night’s Watch will make for Hardhome. I ride to Winterfell alone, unless …” Jon paused. “… is there any man here who will come stand with me?”

The roar was all he could have hoped for, the tumult so loud that the two old shields tumbled from the walls. Soren Shieldbreaker was on his feet, the Wanderer as well. Toregg the Tall, Brogg, Harle the Huntsman and Harle the Handsome both, Ygon Oldfather, Blind Doss, even the Great Walrus. I have my swords, thought Jon Snow, and we are coming for you, Bastard. - Jon, ADwD

Jon has not only let the Freefolk this side of the Wall, he has also let them keep their Gods (Unlike Stannis), not asked them to bend the knee and given them charge of some of the castles on the Wall and leadership positions at Castle Black. When the assassination happens, Jon hears the Freefolk leaving the Shieldhall behind him:

Men poured from the surrounding keeps and towers. Northmen, free folk, queen’s men - Jon, ADwD

Jon has given Oakenshield and Queensgate - the two castles on either side of Castle Black - to Tormund Giantsbane and Morna White Mask. Tormund and his men are already there when the mutiny happens. Morna and her spearwives are on their way and are most probably already there when everything goes south. So are Iron Emmett and his spearwives. Add Borroq and his giant boar and Wun Wun to the mix and the mutineers don’t stand a chance in the immediate aftermath.

The only obstacle I can see to the Freefolk going berserk is an obstacle that Jon Snow himself created - the child hostages. These children have been send to Eastwatch and the Shadow Tower. With Cotter Pyke at Hardhome, it’s now Ser Glendon Hewett who holds Eastwatch.

Though the last part troubles me. Glendon Hewett was a seasoned man and a strong one, a sensible choice to command in Cotter Pyke’s absence. But he was also as much a friend as Alliser Thorne could boast, and a crony of sorts with Janos Slynt, however briefly. Jon could still recall how Hewett had dragged him from his bed, and the feel of his boot slamming into his ribs. Not the man I would have chosen - Jon, ADwD

I am not sure which way the Queensmen will move. On the one hand Wun Wun ripping apart Ser Patrek. On the other hand, the current Lord of Winterfell is threatening Queen Selyse, Shireen and Melisandre and the Lord Commander was actively helping their king and protecting their queen, going against his NW oaths for which he just got murdered.

Jon’s death is going to further complicate Northern politics. We know there are Northern houses who are aware of Robb’s decree and see Jon Stark as the next King in the North. As GRRM says in this SSM,

Q: I have a question, since Robb actually  legitimized Jon and named him his heir for Winterfell and the North  before the Red Wedding (granted no one knows about this and is still  alive or free, the Greatjon knows as does Edmure, but I dont see them  getting out of the Twins any time soon and Catelyn would probably die  before telling anyone) does this make Jon’s rejection of Stannis’ offer  moot?

A: Edmure and the Greatjon are prisoners, true… but you are forgetting  the envoys that Robb sent to Howland Reed… Galbart Glover, Maege  Mormont, Jason Mallister… they are all alive and free…

There’s House Thenn, newly created because of the marriage brokering Jon Snow did and the Freefolk holding land this side of the Wall. Alys was aided by Jon Snow and her uncle is still imprisoned at the Wall.

It’s possible Edmure Tully and other prisoners are getting freed in the next book by the brotherhood without banner and Edmure is a witness and signatory to Robb’s decree that legitimizes Jon Snow and names him Lord of Winterfell.

We know of two possible ‘envoys’ from Riverrun send by the Blackfish to the Wall - Robin Ryger, former Captain of the Guards and Desmond Grell, former Master at Arms. Both experienced men who chose to take the black after Jaime ends the siege of Riverrun and ask to be send to the Wall. Raff is supposed to have escorted them to Maidenpool, from where they travel to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea. Considering that TWoW has Raff in Braavos, it could very well be that these two gents have reached Eastwatch. How are they going to react?

Then there’s Justin Massey with Jeyne Poole who will pass through Castle Black on his way to Eastwatch and Braavos. What is he going to do with what happened? Will word get back to Stannis? However, according to the Pink Letter, Stannis has apparently lost to the Boltons. The time lines are a mess.

The main thing is that the famed neutrality of the NW has shattered, and there’s going to be infighting amongst crows, wildlings, queensmen and northmen. There will most definitely be political ramifications in terms of who it is that will end up holding the North by the end of TWoW.

[agentrouka-blog]

Hi! I had a few questions about Robb and Catelyn around the topic of marriage. I'll start with a big one:

Do you think that Robb was planning to marry Catelyn off to Jason Mallister in ASOS?

I was thinking that, since Robb realized he could have used Sansa as a bargaining chip to make a marriage alliance, he might have had the idea to do the same thing to the only woman in his family who is actually within his reach - his mother. To paraphrase something Tywin said in Tyrion III ASOS, Robb might use a marriage to shore up his alliances along the Trident.

I was also thinking it could be an interesting parallel if Robb was trying to marry Catelyn off at the same time that Tywin was trying to marry Cersei off, to show how little autonomy women have when the men, Stark or Lannister, are making the decisions for them, as is the norm for the head of a feudal House in a misogynistic society.

To end with a couple of other questions: I noticed every time Catelyn sees Jason Mallister, she compliments him in some way, saying that he's fierce and courteous and handsome for a man his age (late 40s?).

Do you think Catelyn was attracted to Jason Mallister? Do you think that GRRM ever intended to suggest she could be attracted to him, or that they would be compatible as a couple?

Same anon who asked about Robb maybe planning to have Cat remarry: do you think Robb would expect his mother to have children with a second husband? She's only 35 and plenty fertile, do you think he would use that to sell her to a prospective husband like Jason Mallister, like "Look, she's a widow, you're a widower, she's fertile, your only heir is drunken playboy Patrek, wouldn't you want some spares?"

Hi there!

I don't think that's a very likely scenario.

For one, Jason Mallister is already a staunch supporter of Robb and House Tully. And the marriage alliance that Tywin mentions, has a different quality:

Shae is all the woman I need just now, he thought, and Sansa's a girl, no matter what you say. "If your purpose here is to keep her from the Tyrells, why not return her to her mother? Perhaps that would convince Robb Stark to bend the knee." Lord Tywin's look was scornful. "Send her to Riverrun and her mother will match her with a Blackwood or a Mallister to shore up her son's alliances along the Trident. Send her north, and she will be wed to some Manderly or Umber before the moon turns. Yet she is no less dangerous here at court, as this business with the Tyrells should prove. She must marry a Lannister, and soon." "The man who weds Sansa Stark can claim Winterfell in her name," his uncle Kevan put in. "Had that not occurred to you?" (ASOS, Tyrion III)

Catelyn has no claim to impart. It's a very low-stakes marital alliance that doesn't buy either side much of anything. Plus, if he had intended a mutually beneficial match, he would not have planned to send her to Seagard as a glorified prisoner, essentially declaring his distrust in her, while making Jason Mallister his prison guard and thus putting them in mutual conflict. It's the opposite of a marital alliance.

Another reason is that Robb is fighting this war, on a personal level, primarily to avenge his father. He is willing to sacrifice his sisters to this goal.

Marrying his father's loving and loyal widow off to a bannerman while this war is still going is contradictory to his conflict with Cat.

Robb’s face was cold. “Is that why you freed the Kingslayer? To make a peace with the Lannisters?” “I freed Jaime for Sansa’s sake … and Arya’s, if she still lives. You know that. But if I nurtured some hope of buying peace as well, was that so ill?” “Yes,” he said. “The Lannisters killed my father.” “Do you think I have forgotten that?” “I don’t know. Have you?” Catelyn had never struck her children in anger, but she almost struck Robb then. (ASOS, Catelyn IV)

Robb will not tarnish the memory of his father by marrying off his widow, especially to an already established ally with an established heir.

I hadn't gotten the impression that Cat singles out Jason Mallister in her thoughts in any way, BUT if she had wanted to anger Robb even more, initiating the idea of marrying again, especially for personal affection, would have been a surefire and hilarious way to drive her son to apoplexy.

Thirdly, he may be angry at her and want her out of the way of his decision-making, but he still loves his mother. Forcing her into a new marriage would be downright cruel. Robb is not that far gone. He is not Tywin. I am critical of Robb myself, but this is not even serving any purpose but to demonstrate power and cruelty.