#people be acting like she commited the worst sin by just the fact that they split up

[allastoredeer]

I love theory/lore time!

https://www.tumblr.com/allastoredeer/742800213644853248/okay-i-put-my-thoughts-in-the-tags-but-it-wont?source=share

I wanted to say that I also agree with both intakes and those who overall theorize that the person/entity that owns Alastor's soul is either Eve or Roo.

Honestly, Idk if Eve and Roo are different or the same. Maybe they started as two separate entities, but after Eve ate the forbidden apple, they slowly became one. Kind of like how it seemed that Roo was an entity and not just a concept, what allowed Roo to get released in the physical world was the ingestion and possession of Eve… or maybe I'm just sippling.

Anyway, I think the main reason why I feel am not Alastor's contractor is because I just have this feeling that she is not a threat. The show makes it seem as if she was sort of conspiring against hell, but it does not make sense to me for a person who was basically that face of the resistance to sort of be a threat to Charlie and hell in general. She seems sketchy, not going to lie, and that whole thing of both Lilith and Alastor disappearing at the same time is highly suspicious, but idk… maybe I'm crazing but I do not feel such animosity from Alastor to Lilith.

One could look at Al's reaction to Lucifer as maybe a remainder to whom he may a deal (if it was Lilith), besides the obvious of him maybe threatening his position at the hotel. But if that was the case, I would think he would not act the way he does with Charlie. Yes, it can be argued that acts that way because he is trying to manipulate Charlie into something regarding the deal (probably… he is but we are uncertain of what he might really go for with the deal he made), but it just does not add. He might have a soft spot for women, but it does not add that he acted mildly with Charlie (the daughter of the person who owns his soul, in this scenario) when just the mention of him being on a leash had him losing his cool like he did with Husk in ep5. It does not add that he had a mental breakdown because he might have almost gotten attached and risked his life for this group of people (also because he might have overestimated his powers, and we do not exactly know how much the deal restricts him in terms of power). I totally see him working alongside her because he must gain what he has, but I just do not see it being so "friendly" with her. Or maybe I am just underestimating his acting skills.

My point is that (at least in my head, and the way I interpreted the situation) I see more possibility that Eve/Roo/something else is the one holding Al's soul and not Lilith. Now, again, it is really weird that both of them went away at the same time. My theory is that, somewhere along the lines (sometime after Al's made the deal maybe) both he and Lilith partner to maybe stop Eve/Roo or Eve/Roo made Al and Lilith confront in a way that made Lilith having to seek shelter in Heaven, and Alastor to go away. But I feel it was Lilith who might have asked Alastor to watch/help Charlie, and he might have agreed because it is convenient as well… and maybe because it was also Eve/Roo's order…

IDK maybe he is a double spy, and despite all this, he is trying to seek the perfect opportunity which is going to give him the chance to "move all the strings". I also headcanon that both might have a level of respect for one another but that is just a crazy thought of mine because they haven't even interacted so… idk

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Love how your mind thinks!

ALRIGHT IM HERE! I know this has been sitting in my inbox for the past week, but I'm here now and ready to get into it!

I've never considered the possibility that Eve and Roo are the same, but hmmm, thinking about it, I'm not so sure. In the opening of the show, it's said that evil already exists.

Angels shielded all from Evil. So, Roo (the literal Root of all Evil) will have existed long before Eve was even created. If she were using Eve as a host, however... ◉_◉ As being the first one to let evil into the world being the gateway (for a lack of better word) and Roo taking advantage of that...

It was Adam and Eve eating the apple that allowed evil to find it's way to Earth.

Like, the phrasing here says it all. "For with this single act of disobedience, evil FINALLY found its way into Earth."

So not only has evil existed for a long time, it's implied that it's been trying to find a way to get to Earth. (Also, the Roo theory brain is taking over, this whole scene, with these black tendrils growing, turning into a hand, and curling around Earth, do those not resemble roots to anyone? I'd gif it if I knew how, but it literally looks like roots growing up and wrapping themselves around humanity. ROOT OF ALL EVIL, come on, the symbolism is there.)

And with Alastor, I truly think he cares more than he wants. I think he cares more than he expected to. I know there's a lot of people who just do NOT think he does, and that he's going to be the big bad (or at least an antagonist), and while I don't disagree about the antagonist part (I can see him being an obstacle to get in their way), I just think there's going to be more to his character arc. I don't think he's just going to manipulate the hotel, betray everyone, and get all the power he's ever wanted and that's IT.

For one, as any writer knows, stories need conflict. Characters need conflict. One could argue that Alastor's deal is his conflict, but I think his true conflict is going to be getting attached to Charlie and co. and not wanting to. i think he's going to fight it tooth and nail, but I think, in the end, he's going to be their ally (or as much of an ally as he can be considering someone--most likely the actual antagonist of the show--has his soul).

And I agree with you about his relationship with Charlie. We can already see that he's a good at manipulating. The "Dad Beat Dad" episode gave us numerous examples of him using his relationship with Charlie (saying things like "We're all very proud of her," and that he's "happy to fulfill her bizarre requests") to get under Lucifer's skin, while Charlie is shown to whole-heartedly believe him. He IS a manipulator and he knows how to pin-point that insecurity to get what he wants.)

However, there's also examples in the show where he was kind and considerate to Charlie when he literally didn't need to be. There was no reason or benefit to him for doing so.

One example would be him going with her to assist in getting the cannibals help. He didn't need to do this. He got what he wanted. He officially has a deal with Charlie. He gave her the information she needs in exchange for a favor, there's no reason to linger. But he does, and not only does he freely suggest Cannibal Town, but he's going WITH her to recruit their help.

When Charlie is talking to Rosie to get said help, she's frantic and stumbling over herself, and Alastor pipes in to help her. Later, when Charlie is singing her song to convince the cannibals, he pipes in again (when it's obvious they're not entirely on board) to include that they'll get to eat angels, which is the tipping point that gets the town interested. And another time during that same song when he said "he knew she could do it all along." Charlie wasn't there, so who was he supposed to be manipulating in that scenario?

Rosie? As if Rosie doesn't already know Alastor's whole schtick, she was literally telling him about souls he could go make deals with earlier in the episode. Demons who are in a territory that they can't properly defend, which would make them desperate. Easy pickings to manipulate a few into giving up their souls.

He had faith in Charlie getting the cannibals to join and even helped her along every step of the way.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that he has literally let her use his cane twice. His cane, which Vivzepop has said is like an extension of himself. We haven't seen him let anyone else in the series touch his cane. Hell, he didn't even need to offer his cane in the first place, the microphone she was using earlier was still right there.

One could argue he was trying to get the cannibals to help so they could defend the hotel and have a better chance at, you know, NOT dying. But there's multiple times when he does things he didn't have to do, because there was literally no benefit of it to him. But he did.

Because I think he's more attached than he wants to believe.

Where was I...I went on an Alastor tangent.

But yes! The way I see it right now, I can see Roo going after Lillith because Lillith empowered demonkind.

Lucifer may the the ultimate ruler of Hell, but it's obvious that he didn't really...interact much with the rest of Hell. At least from what we've seen. He was ashamed of what he did and lost his will to dream.

He fell into depression. I think when he and Lillith had Charlie, it really did make him happy. I think it brought him out of his depression for a bit, but depression doesn't just...go away. At least not for everyone. And we do see that something had to happen between him and Lillith to result in them splitting up, AND something had to happen to him and Charlie to result in them not seeing each other for long periods of time, to the point of Charlie not even wanting to call him for help when she could really use it.

Guys been in depression for a while, and I can't see him getting involved with Hell, which he's ashamed of creating at all. I can see him being more than happy to step aside for Lillith to handle it herself. I don't think Roo would see him as much of a threat so long as he's not getting involved.

Because as the show says:

She literally EMPOWERED demonkind. Hell grew and evolved, and it became so much more. It became powerful enough for Heaven to not only take notice, but to get worried.

Lillith has MUCH more of an impact in Hell. She has more reach and authority, and I can see Roo being intimidated and/or threatened by that. There's a lot Roo (the Root of All Evil) can do in Hell, where the sinners and wicked go--those who commit evil acts. This should be her PLAYGROUD. But it's Lillith who has authority here.

So maybe Roo needed to get her out of the way? And how much farther can she get Lillith from Hell then having her go to Heaven?

I definitely think there's a connection between Alastor and Lillith. Maybe Lillith did enlist Alastor for his help. Maybe Roo already got Alastor's soul and he helped her, in some way, get Lillith to go to Heaven. I don't know what the connection is, but I'm so eager to find out.

(Also, can we all talk about how Lillith empowered demonkind with her voice, her songs, and Charlie is out here singing every time she wants to help Hell--when she first got the meeting with Adam, when she's trying to convince Adam of her plan, her song with Pentious, etc... And when Rosie asks how she typically tries to get people interested in her hotel, she does so by singing. All of her songs are about love, redemption, being better, working together, almost as if she's trying to empower demonkind with her voice too.)

I think we should talk more about not only what Charlie gets from Lucifer, but what she gets from Lillith as well.

But YES, I'm just so eager to see the whole deal with Alastor and Lillith, and I REALLY think Roo is going to come into play here somewhere. I really do. If not now, then later.

Personally, I still think Roo has Alastor's soul, but who knows? Maybe Lillith DOES have Alastor's soul, but Roo blackmailed/threatened Lillith into going to Heaven, so Lillith ordered Alastor to keep an eye on Charlie for her? Who knows? No one.

Who wants to know? ME!

fgo;fg;sgnsjn AHH I fucking love talking about this show, it gets my brain going.

[kyseya]

Once upon a time

‘Prince’ Yandere x reader

Imagine a reader in modern day society. She lives in a normal little town, went to your average school, lives in a normal house and has your everyday friendly neighbours. Like I said, her life is nothing out of the ordinary.

She feels lucky to have so many kind people in her life. Everyone knows everyone and isn’t afraid of lending a helping hand whenever someone is in trouble. The town is on the smaller side but very cozy. They have their own traditions like the annual Christmas market or the summer fundraiser. Nice stuff like that.

Everything is simply perfect! Or…well it would be if not for one tiny detail.

Unfortunately there’s one guy who just can’t seem to take a hint. Reader feels kinda mean thinking of him as a stain on the idyllic life she’s built. She doesn’t understand why he can’t take a ‘no’ for an answer. Everyday this hunk of a man walks right into her workplace like he owns the place and demands reader’s attention. With the way he’s acting you would think he’s dying and reader’s attention is the one and only cure.

It’s not like he’s ugly or anything, but a guy who doesn’t listen is just a 🚩

That’s not even the worst part. Another big issue is his…delusions.

Like, one time when reader was walking home she decided to stop by the market square since she needed some groceries. And guess who was in the middle of the square, somehow managed to climb onto the water fountain and proudly shouting at the top of his lungs? Part of reader’s soul disintegrated that day. What in the world was he doing!? He didn’t seem to be embarrassed either. No, with his nose pointed upwards he said he was going to reveal a big secret about the whole town. Silence filled he air, everyone was curious about what he was about to say.

What was this secret? Had someone committed a grave crime and was about to be exposed? Thoughts like that circled in everyone’s mind. Their imagination came to life and dreamt up various scenarios to what the deal was. People anticipated something foul, raw and sinful only to be met with grave disappointment.

You see, the man had suddenly declared himself as royalty in front of an entire audience. He claimed that the whole town was under a spell and had forgotten about their origins; being fairytale characters. And right now, only he was able to remember the truth. Alright, what the hell? That was ridiculous. What made it worse was the fact that he appointed himself as the towns prince and leader. Yikes. He said most- if not all- of the citizens where peasants and therefore his subjects. That’s why the had to listen to him from now on.

Reader wanted to peel off her skin and scream in that moment. The secondhand embarrassment was too much.

Bringing down shame upon yourself and your ancestors was one thing, but did he have to drag reader into it?? He claimed she was also royalty and should be treated with outmost respect. Why? Because he’s her husband! Of course his spouse need the 5-star treatment as well.

After the painful incident he’s always stopped by her workplace to talk her ear off. No matter what she said or did(or how much others complained) he never left. At least not permanently. In rare instances he did go with a downcast expression but he’d always be back full force the next day.

The man tells reader about the wonderful life they were going to have. If only the curse wouldn’t have been placed and they’d all been transported to the world they currently live in. It pains him so to know she’s forgotten all about him and the great love they shared. But it’ll be alright. After all, they found each other again and he refuses to let go.

Reader only half listens(he will throw a tantrum if he realises she’s not paying attention to him) as he drones on about how they first met in the forest. Of course he found her by hearing a wonderful song travel through the woods, he followed it all the way to her. They danced together and met every sundown from then on. It was so romantic. It’s impossible not to roll your eyes at the cliche imagery, it’s just so corny.

Yandere ‘prince’ also demands reader to refer to him by his royal, ‘real’ name. It’s not his real one, it’s something else. Everyone knows that- except him, apparently, since he refuses to respond to it. If you do use it, he’ll ignore you and pretend you didn’t speak at all. It’s very tiring, more so since he tries to enforce this delusion onto reader. He also won’t use her actual name and instead settles for this medieval one. Apart from that, he calls her ‘love,’ ‘darling’, ‘my heart’ and other cutesy nicknames that are far from appreciated.

It doesn’t matter what reader says, he won’t stop.

He insists he wants to be her saviour again. Sadly for him there is nothing to protect you from except the occasional spider that makes its way inside your house.

‘Well, it’s better than nothing.’ He would say before smacking and tossing it out.

He is willing to do anything for his lover. And that really does means anything. Nothing is off the table. It wasn’t before and it definitively isn’t now simply because of some lame curse. It can’t keep him form his soulmate.

He was your prince before, he’ll show you that he still is.

———————————

[This is kinda based of Once Upon A Time, though it’s been ages since I watched it. ]

[weather-cluddy]

Man, today's question really reminded of how little interest Shidou seems to have in Amane as a person. He says he's frustrated that he doesn't have the time to "do something" about her, but even when she approached him, he didn't even try to reason with her or comfort her.

She tries to warn him that he's committing an unforgivable sin that will damn everybody, he's just like "Now, what could you be talking abooout? Anyways, just stop worrying about it and help me, okay?". And when she insists, his reply is "Ok, wow, you're so spoiled. Your parents must've been real soft on you until now, but that's not gonna fly with me, alright? I'm a responsible adult, I'm going to ignore you no matter how much of a brat you are"

He just dismissed Amane's very obvious mental breakdown as a mere temper tantrum, presuming that Amane doesn't truly care about anything she's espousing and that she's just trying to test boundaries. May I also point out how Shidou makes zero mention of Amane in his voice drama, either as a threat or as somebody who, like Fuuta and Mahiru, is in a precarious mental state?

And that casts a really different light on what "having the other adults deal with Amane" is supposed to mean. Is it really about making her more able to cope with the situation? Or just getting her out of the way? If it's about helping her, why does it matter so much that the adults do it?

Say, Muu and Haruka are in the best physical and mental shape out of everybody, and they have plenty of free time. Since Haruka says they're "sticking close" to Shidou, why doesn't he take a moment to suggest they should try to spend a little time with her, make her feel a bit better? Even if they can't convince her to change her mind, it'd at least useful to know in more detail what she's planning, right? After all, Shidou is willing to put his utmost ideal (dying to atone for his sins) on hold for the sake of the injured prisoners. Surely he must be very concerned about anything that could threaten their care, right?

Even if you take is as meaning "Well, the adults have the duty to care for the younger ones, so everyone under eighteen is exempt for responsibility", it's kind of really weird to put all the responsibility on three people having their own mental and physical breakdowns (Mahiru, Mikoto and Fuuta), one guy who said re:Amane that "we can't worry about that now" and "We'll just wait until the situation changes" last time Shidou spoke to him, and who's carrying the weight of being the only line of defense against Kotoko (Kazui) and one woman who's already taking mental care of Mahiru and also doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with anyone else (Yuno). Does a few years of age really give you that much more capability, such that it outweighs everything else going on?

So the fact that Shidou takes the trouble of specifying that an adult ought to help Amane really sounds like he's, at best, blinded by ideology. Only adults can help Amane because only adults are capable of taking meaningful action on anything, and only they have real ideological commitments that can beat a child's silly whims. At worst, Shidou is annoyed that Amane is threatening his worldview of "adults act, children obey", so he wants somebody to step in and bring her back into line. Of course, that person has to be an adult if they're to truly reinforce his perspective instead of opening a different kind of hole into it.

And this is hardly the first time he dismisses a child's thoughts on the basis of their age. In Molech, when Es tells him to treat them with respect as the warden, Shidou's answer is essentially "But we DO have a big age difference, so everything else is irrelevant. Let me pat your head to show how much I pity you, total stranger who's already annoyed at me for being condescending". At this point, either Shidou is being deliberately obnoxious or he's so thoroughly drunk his own kool-aid that it doesn't even register on the shallowest level when a kid tells him not to do something. Kids just go agoo-goo until they hit eighteen, yeah? No need to listen to their babbling.

And it's not just Shidou treating Es as both warden and child, he doesn't seem to have any respect for their ability to form their own opinion as a warden either. He literally goes "Hey, why go through the trouble of actually looking at evidence? Just take me at my word, way easier and faster". Even though by this point it's also obvious how much pride Es takes on being the guard and carrying out Milgram's mission, and that they don't necessarily trust Shidou. Again, either mockery or a frightful failure of basic pattern-recognition when the pattern doesn't match what Shidou expects from a child.

And to tie this back to Shidou's "my heart goes out to you" comment, sure, he's so concerned about any mental toll being the warden might take on Es… But he's still insisting on being murdered by them. Why? Surely Shidou of all people would know that murder can be hard on the killer. And if he wanted to die so badly, surely he can wait until Milgram is over and kill himself then, right? No need to make it Es' responsibility.

One of his last lines in the VD is "I feel sorry that you had to be given this role. And, I truly apologise for being so insistent about sentencing me to death as well… But, you’re perfect. You’ll give me the ending I’m most suited for." So apparently the thing is that being murdered by a child, specifically, would be very satisfying to Shidou, and Es' pain is secondary to that.

Kinda undermines all that talk about how tragic the situation is, doesn't it? In one of the app conversations, we see him being overwhelmed by sadness while grading Amane's homework, and he says "If everything about MILGRAM is true… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…". But apparently his sadness isn't so strong that it'll stop him from setting up that sort of circumstances.

The only way this makes sense to me if it's he's subsumed Es' choices into his own so utterly that he can't imagine anybody, not even Es, could possibly hold them responsible if they did kill Shidou. It was simply suicide with Es acting as a tool for it, no more guilty than a bullet. I'm sure you can see how utterly dismissive this is of Es' autonomy.

TL;DR: I'm sure Shidou loves the idea of children, but so far he's been severely lacking in empathy for actual children when they deviate from his concept of how they ought to be or when their wellbeing comes in conflict with his ideals.

[quranwithsehar]

Why is it crucial for us to speak out against injustice (zulm)? Why shouldn't we stay quiet? What happens if we stay silent when we see someone being treated unfairly? I really want to discuss this, so let's explore these questions together today.

Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith. Sahih Bukhari

Abu Bakr RA said: I have heard Messenger of Allah SAW say: 'When people see an oppressor but do not prevent him committing sin, it is likely that Allah will punish them all. - [Ibn Maajah]

This means that if people witness someone doing wrong but don't stop them, it's possible that Allah will punish everyone. This means that not taking action against wrongdoing might lead to consequences for everyone.

A group of companions went to Abyssinia during the migration, and the Prophet SAW said, tell me the strangest thing you saw in Abyssinia. So a group of them said, Ya Rasulullah, one day we were sitting, and one of the nuns, or one of the elderly nuns, was walking by, and she had a jug of water on her head. A young man walked up to her, put his hand right on her chest, and shoved her. And so she fell to her knees, and the water jug broke. And the man laughed at her, and no one did anything about it. So they let this young man bully this elderly woman, and no one did anything about it. And the sahaba said that the woman said to him, “How will it be, O foolish young man, on the day of judgment, when Allah brings the first and the last of His creation, and Allah judges between us, you will then know of your situation and my situation. How will it be?”

So the Prophet SAW said, sadaqat, sadaqat, sadaqat, she told the truth, she told the truth, she told the truth. How can Allah honor an ummah that does not protect its vulnerable from its strong ones, from its powerful ones, that does not protect the weak from being exploited by the powerful of that society? The Prophet SAW didn't blame the young man alone. Who did he blame? The society. He blamed the society that normalized that type of behavior, which made it okay for that young man to feel like he could go up to that old woman and push her and not be held accountable. It's society's fault that allows that. It's not just the young man's fault. The young man is the product of a facilitating institution.

Aisha RA says that I asked the Prophet SAW, “Will we be destroyed and we have righteous people amongst us?” He said, Yes if filth is made rampant. Ibn Hajar says Filth is al maasi, filth refers to sins as a whole. The ones that are ugliest, the nastiest, the ones that are most base, and the ones that represent the worst of immorality. So the Prophet SAW said, “Even if you have righteous people amongst you, if those things are allowed to thrive without anyone saying anything about them, then everyone suffers as a result of them.”

Silence is considered wrong, or haram, under three specific conditions. Firstly, when you are absolutely certain that something is evil, this means having no doubt about the wrongdoing you wish to address or correct. Sometimes, you might not fully understand the situation, or you might not be in a position to know all the facts. Reflect on the example of Musa (AS), who assumed something without having all the information. So, the first condition for silence being haram is when you are certain about the facts of something.

Secondly, silence becomes haram when you are sure that the wrongdoing has occurred. In the Quran, it advises believers to verify information when a wicked person brings news to them. This means it's not about rumors, gossip, or hearsay, but about having first-hand testimony or strong evidence that the act has truly taken place.

The third condition is that there is a greater likelihood that speaking up will help eliminate or reduce the wrongdoing. If there's a good chance that your words can make a positive impact in removing or lessening the evil, then keeping silent becomes inappropriate.

So, speak the truth! Do not remain silent. In whatever capacity you can, but speak.

[archivalofsins]

It's funny to see "have fun with your cult trial 3" takes. Like, do people really think everyone is here, like, let's have her start another cult. Because that's such a reduction it's funny. Also she's starting it regardless and has already moved to do so. So, like what does that have to do with anything at this point?

People will go, "Don't reduce her to abused kid." Then proceed to reduce her to her religious beliefs. Like, I'm sorry to burst any bubbles, but I don't support cults. However, there's frankly more to this situation than the voice drama or just the mv. I believe what she did wasn't wrong and how she takes that is fully on her just like with all the prisoners. The job as prison guards is to judge the prisoners sins not what they could possibly do later the sin they already committed.

That's what I want to judge above all else. If people want to take these other things into consideration, that's their prerogative, but not everyone has to. Hell, I've even taken it into consideration in specific high-risk situations. However, I'm not about to be deluded into believing this verdict will stop something that's already happening. Lol.

Cult trial three is literally just trial three at this point. If she's got one follower, she can get more. So, unless people are hoping a Guilty (Unforgiven) verdict kills her, I don't see how it's going to stop anything. The ball is already rolling. A person can either choose to chase it or kick it away. If you do the latter, just know they tend to bounce back with the same amount of force they're hit with.

Overall, it's just odd to fall back on the cult thing anyway. Taking into consideration her current state is a direct result of Kotoko's actions. If Kotoko wasn't innocent, chances are she might not have jumped anyone, and people wouldn't have needed medical care.

It's stupid to attempt to shift the blame for the outcomes of the choices the wardens made onto any of the prisoners. Because like Mu said we could have just voted everyone innocent, but people were too scared to even try that. Heck we haven't even been able to get a 50/50 for the same reasons.

It's all just so silly. Most don't even realize their part in all this either. Yet, you're going to be hard-pressed to find me regretting any of my decisions here. Because in the areas I have the freedom to do what I want, I live my life in a way that I feel will lead to regretting the least. At the end of the day, I'm gonna do whatever I feel is right to me in that moment.

Because I know when the consequences come, I can stand up and face it. So, i don't have to act under this feeling of fear of what-ifs. The very worst feeling to me is letting someone change your mind over what could happen and it going poorly anyway.

Innocent (Forgiven) or Guilty (Unforgiven) at the end of the day are words that only hold as much meaning as what the individual gives them. So, people should be able to do whatever the hell they want. If everyone only acts in fear of what could happen, we'll never know what can happen. So, until the end, I'm not going to let my resolve waver; I'm gonna vote the way that feels truest to me in a voice that is uniquely mine.

Then, when the consequences come, I can stand tall and face them head-on with the comfort of knowing I did something I believed in that I wanted to do. If I can say that at the end of Milgram, that to me would be the happiest thing.

Regardless of if the verdict I back wins or loses I want to be able to take solace in the fact I did what I felt was right. Not something I felt forced to do-

I don't want to make decisions while thinking things like "It can't be helped" or "This has to be done". That's just not the way I want to live. So, I'm gonna do my best not to live that way.

[papirouge]

I never was told to leave a church group before but I had left one, the last one I went to, because they were.. ew

It seemed well in the beginning. No issues until the church let go of the old pastor and this new young guy came in. Single and would sometimes sprinkle in weird incel talk about how single women were the worst parts of Gods kingdom for disobeying his commandment to be fruitful and multiple. Like? What?

Then the sermons got very political. Old people that never had issues before and were pretty nice had become a lot more mean and racist. I saw less women in general? Trump this. Trump that. Democrats are working with the jewish elites and muslims to destroy our Godly nation (I’m living in the US), it was so BIZARRE to hear this being said with no irony or anything and people legitimately believe it.

I left when I attended a midweek meeting that talked about church issues. And it started by discussing how the Catholic Church is a horrible institution for defending pedophiles while others called out how the victims were mostly boys and “priests should have been women the whole time then those boys would be called men, not whatever beta victimhood they want to be” -cue snickers from mostly males- Then the subject was to abortion where some believe it’s a crime against *the state* ie the government because abortion takes away 1 solider from the military and others chimed in with “we’re already below replacement levels, we need more babies!”

And I, being not white, and not caring about white people panicking over being a minority was just really bored of it all. But I did look at a few others didn’t really react who looked at me and we just knew this is just stupid.

And I also, being someone who couldn’t care any less about the american military industrial complex, was bored of the panic people feel about abortion needing to be banned ONLY because the military requires bodies is honestly dystopian to say the least.

Yeah the rest of that meeting went by terribly. I know these people are not representative of anything, but I cant stand how a lot of churches now are becoming mini political centers.

Also, one of the higher up guys in the church quietly left before I did when he was outed as a gay man for sleeping with married husbands. But some people blamed the wives? God was a trash fire that place was.

There were so many good times and a lot of good people though too, like I got to know this old lady who knitted sweaters and scarves for people for free if you asked and all she would ask in return is for you to hang with her 🥹 she used to work as a nurse in the 50s, she couldn’t have her own babies so, she told me, “I ended up for a time as a volunteer to cuddle babies in the hospital!” she was such a beautiful person. She also donated a lot of money to domestic abuse shelters for women.

I'll NEVER understand why Christians fundies act like not having children is a sin/"multiplying" is a commandment for ALL of us. Jesus was a celibate - yet he never sinned. Why can't they make the logical conclusion off of it?

When God told Eve and Adam to multiply it was while they were still in the garden of Eden, and yet, they started conceiving/multiplying only after they got kicked out of the garden. Were they sinning for not multiplying humankind while still in the garden? eating the forbidden fruit is the only and first sin they committed out there - not their lack of offsprings. Breeding kink christians should get their facts straight.

I'm absolutely not surprised by this new generation of young pastor matrixed by red pill content. It was bound to happen. I think it's yet another sign we have to stop relying on "regular" church assemblies and build our own communities.

I really don't get whenever a male get exposed for being a pedophile people go like "oh but if roles were reversed!!" Like- do those people see men reaction whenever boys get abused? They are the one acting like the victims were grownups and how "lucky" they were from discovering sex that turned them into men. Women are the ones consistently frowning upon sexual abuse.

US Evangelicals should really pipe down with their mocking of catholic Priest pedophile when they have no problem handing over their 13 y.o girls to middle age polygamous scrotes. There's a documentary floating around on TikTok of a man who married & impregnated girls as young as 13, their sisters, mom, cousins, etc.

Bless that old lady. Wherever they are, women are the only hope to elevate the bar somehow. I'm glad you're out though. How much time did you stay in that cesspool of a church ? I think documenting crazy church drama from an actual/authentic Christian perspective (instead of a whiny uwu church trauma uwu one) could be the subject of such a cool documentary. Made by Christians FOR Christians, and to warb them off the lunacy of modern churches.

I thought about it but I'm in France and most church are catholic so very geriatric but chill/unproblematic. The evangelicals ones are those were the mess is. They're mostly African too 👀 (I'm from Congo and Congolese pretty much 'own' the network of evangelical churches in France and Belgium lmao) A few months ago a Christian teen rapper got exposed having several gf (in the same time)/having sex with them - they all exposed him on TikTok 💀. They said he was adamant having sex with them with Christian music in the background 😭

If i was around your church I would do an interview of that homewrecking gay dude and expose their husbands. JUSTICE FOR THEIR WIVES. I can't imagine the horror of discovering your husband is cheating with a gay man... Double betrayal. And let's not forget the STDs.... They all should be put to jail IDC

[king-of-wrath]

I like to think that the Exorcists are Hazbin's antagonists not because Heaven is intolerant of non-cis non-straight non-Abrahamic people or because Vivzie's declaring "religion bad" in cartoon form, but because Heaven sees morality in terms of absolutes: that is, if you do x or y even once, you're evil, you go to Hell and you can NEVER be forgiven

Consider the characters we've actually seen be denied entrance to Heaven (yes, these are Helluva characters and Helluva is a spin-off, but unless Vivzie declares "Helluva's a side project I'm doing just for fun, it's unrelated to Hazbin and its lore doesn't mirror Hazbin lore", we can reference Helluva):

Mayberry was a passionate teacher who's spent years being a positive role model for children, but she was damned because she murdered her husband in a fit of rage. Heaven didn't take into account the good deeds she had done and instead judged her for that one wrongful act. Her kindness to children, her inspiring them to do good and whatever good deeds those children would go on to do didn't matter---she killed someone and is therefore irredeemable

Cleetus, Keenie and Collin were cherubs who committed themselves to saving souls, but were banished from Heaven because one person was killed in an accident. They consoled a suicidal man, convincing him that life was worth living and that he could spend the remainder of his life (and his vast wealth) in service to others. But despite the fact they accomplished their mission (and who knows how many others prior to this), they were banished. It didn't matter that they were fighting literal hellspawn trying to steal his soul, they failed to protect someone and for that, they are forbidden from returning home

As Alastor said in the Hazbin pilot, the very reason sinners are sent to Hell is to be punished. However, the annual purges began because Hell was "too overpopulated" and Heaven saw fit to kill rather than forgive. The Exorcists don't bother to check who they kill or what their victims' sins were---because in their minds, everyone in Hell is terrible and no matter why they were sent to Hell, they deserve total oblivion

If Exorcists ever got to Mayberry, she would be destroyed without a second thought. The two scientists whose experiments killed untold numbers of impoverished people would also be destroyed, but that's IF they were caught

We see Wally Wackford employ the scientists and understandably, he wouldn't want to lose his new inventors. We also see Valentino, Velvet and Vox surviving the annual purge---presumably because of the wealth and power they possess (along with others in the pilot). The scientists would be protected from the purge, having a serious advantage over Mayberry

But the Exorcists' job is to kill everyone they can within a certain time limit. They don't spend their time attacking fortified buildings or pursuing Hell's worst, they just kill whoever isn't in shelter when the purge begins

We don't know if there's an actual quota the Exorcists have, but they place importance on quantity---that is, the number of souls purged. The more souls are purged, the more space is freed. If they can get the two scientists, that's great. But if given the choice between a defenseless Mayberry and two well-defended scientists, they'd kill Mayberry. Two worse sinners would survive and one potentially forgivable sinner would be lost forever

So Charlie reveals her plan to handle the overpopulation and end the purges: to rehabilitate sinners in the hopes that they'd be admitted to Heaven, thus reducing Hell's population. Her biggest hurdle, however is actually making a sinner worthy of redemption in the eyes of Heaven

If Heaven thought there was even a possibility that sinners could be reformed, they'd give Hell a stay of execution to test Charlie's theory. If Heaven believed sinners could be reformed, they'd send Charlie help. But so far, Heaven isn't pausing the purges or helping reform sinners---instead, they're ordering the destruction of countless souls every year and do so without much guilt

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (Mo Dao Zu Shi) Vol. 3 Author: Mo Xiang Tong Xiu Genre/s: danmei, xianxia, historical, fantasy, mystery, queer romance, romance Content/Trigger Warnings: death, violence, body horror, emotional abuse, death of parents, forced marriage, arranged marriage Summary (from publisher website): The bloody war against the Wen Clan once led Wei Wuxian to seek power in demonic cultivation, and the dark acts he committed drove a wedge between him and Lan Wangji. Now, those old sins come back to haunt him as his reincarnated identity is revealed to the cultivation world. But even as the other clans call for Wei Wuxian’s death, Lan Wangji stands by him, making Wei Wuxian realize what he took for disapproval in the past might have been a much deeper emotion. Buy Here: https://sevenseasentertainment.com/books/grandmaster-of-demonic-cultivation-mo-dao-zu-shi-novel-vol-3/ Spoiler-Free Review: BOY WAS THIS A READ! So the previous volumes have had a tendency to jump between the past and present quite easily and casually (which, kudos to the translators, they were able to handle quite deftly, and kudos too to the author for managing to make things coherent despite the frequent jumps between timelines) but this volume DEFINITELY focuses more on the past than the last two volumes, with huge swathes of the volume being devoted to moments pre-, during, and post-Sunshot Campaign. The emphasis is mostly on Wei Wuxian’s relationship with his adopted siblings Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, which is complicated by the relationship between his adopted father Jiang Fengmian and his wife Madam Yu. It’s a very sad, tragic story that I won’t elaborate on due to spoilers, but I’ve been informed that if I feel the need to bawl my eyes out, I should watch how the drama adaptation of this series portrays certain specific events in this volume. Given how I feel about those events WITHOUT having seen the drama version yet, I can only imagine just how heartwrenching they’d be when acted out. Speaking of drama (of a different sort), this volume also REALLY expands on the romantic connection between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - mostly by playing up the fact that Lan Wangji is a VERY poor communicator (his own brother admits to this!) and Wei Wuxian is SO VERY BAD at reading the room. I joked with my friend that the real heroes here are the people around them who have to watch their romance (such as it is) unfold - mostly Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng, who have front-row seats to the two-person circus that their siblings are in. But that being said, my friend and I also got to discussing a crucial theme that runs throughout the course of the series, but which really gets highlighted here: the idea of a “right” path versus a “wrong” or “deviant” path. This is often associated with cultivation in the series (with most people saying Wei Wuxian’s cultivation is “demonic” and therefore “wrong”), but also applies to how one lives one’s life in general. Said friend remarked that this was associated with Confucian ideals and values, with the “right” path aligning with those values and ideals, and “wrong” paths being anything that didn’t align with those ideals and values. I don’t think I can speak to how true or accurate this is, given how I have minimal cultural connection to the Filipino-Chinese community and Chinese culture as a whole, but given a quick (and likely woefully insufficient) google research spree, I think this aligns quite well with what I’ve read so far. This aligns very well with another thing she pointed out: how we, as westernized readers, tend to view Wei Wuxian in a positive light, thinking his tendency to innovate is something laudable. This runs contrary with the Lans’ point of view, and the point of view of many of the cultivators in this series: innovation is questionable at best, and dangerous at worst. While someone with a more westernized perspective would view Wei Wuxian as a positive figure, others with less western views might see him as heroic, but tragic: an example of what happens when someone takes power by any means possible, no matter the cost. With this in mind it’s becoming easy to see why Wei Wuxian’s trajectory around the time of the Sunshot Campaign and beyond is one of meteoric heights, followed by a sharp and catastrophic fall: a fall which is considered entirely justified, if one chooses to see it from a certain perspective. Still, despite this framing, the author does not always frame adherence to tradition as a positive thing, especially in interpersonal relationships. Adherence to tradition, after all, is what led to the unhappy marriages portrayed in this volume (including one I didn’t expect). Given that the romance between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji doesn’t quite adhere to tradition, does that mean they stand a better chance at happiness? Gonna have to read the rest of this series to find out I guess - and I am honestly looking forward to that. Rating: five lotus blossoms (for Reasons) Thoughts (spoilers under the cut):

- While I was messaging my friend she commented how the Jiangs had such a tragic marriage, and how it did an awful number on Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. I later remarked how the Lans probably had a better marriage, given how Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji turned out - and my friend, bless her, DID NOT tell me the awful awful truth until I got to it. Not gonna explain any  further because it is GENUINELY WTF, but that whole thing has convinced me that there are NO happy marriages in this series. AT ALL.

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

Worst Part/Best Part of Ravi’s MSQ journey so far—GO!

OKAY UHHH. ALL OF IT

Jk LMAO

We're making a sandwich out of this, we gonna start with aspects of MSQ that she likes, put all the MSQ shit she hates in the middle, and then we're gonna end with which sections of MSQ she enjoyed the most! :> Buckle up, friends, and let me spin you a bit of O'ravi's tale! 🥪☕

Best part of MSQ, as in "the aspects she likes the most": getting to meet such a huge variety of people, see all these incredible vistas, making a positive impact on people's lives, the friends she's made along the way, just- the incredible depths of love that she gets to experience. In some ways, it's her ultimate dream come true- she set out to become a minstrel, she wanted to see the heart of humanity, to learn of other cultures, she wanted to just...it's hard to put into words, but she wanted to live life to the fullest. To experience fully, to understand fully, it's sort of like- you know how Y'shtola's dream is to uncover the truths and secrets that lie at the heart of the world? O'ravi's dream is very very similar, except instead of being like, based on knowledge of the star, it's centered around people- their histories, their folklores and languages and songs, the love and loss and hope, the rage and sorrow and despair. O'ravi loves the star, but her truest love has always been people, not unlike Venat. And being the WoL is the only path that allows this dream to be reality.

Worst part of MSQ, as in "the aspects of it she doesn't like": she has a whole ass list and it is LONG. Really long, and it includes watching people die, people using her for their own political ends, having to put up with people she fucking hates, being everyone's Ace In The Hole, people making her play the kingmaker, people acting entitled to her time and energy (this is the biggest reason why she currently dislikes and distrusts Wuk Lamat T^T*), having to kill people literally constantly, the pain that all the fighting leaves her in and the toll it takes on her mind and body (she used to ignore it/not give a shit but she can't do that anymore)... Long story short, there is a Reason(TM) why she's a dark knight ldfkjghdkjgh, and she might be a paladin now but that doesn't mean she's hung up the greatsword. Far from it. (She has hung up Shattered Heart (formerly Zephirin's sword) though, much to Aymeric's relief fdklgjhdkgj. Not sure what sword is her main one now.)

*IT'S NOT REALLY WUK'S FAULT, O'RAVI IS JUST REALLY FUCKED UP AND HAS BEEN BURNT TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE 😭 I believe that she means well and is just overenthusiastic but O'ravi 100% does not, tbh she almost resents Wuk Lamat for sins that she hasn't even committed yet, just on account of the way she, like, approached O'ravi like the fact that she was gonna agree to help her was already a done deal and assumed the answer would be "sure let's go" without really even considering the possibility that she could - and had the right to - say no....

Worst part of MSQ, as in "time that sucked the most": base Endwalker and Stormblood (base + patches). Somehow those ended up being a lot worse and a lot harder than post-Vault Heavensward, because at least in Heavensward she had the support of her friends and the Fortemps, it was a conflict she had very personal stakes in and no one was forcing her to be there (unlike SB), and she had hope that she could save Estinien. Endwalker was just....a different can of worms which I'm putting under a cut in a bit.

Stormblood was bad because she absolutely did NOT want anything to do with that war and she didn't believe for a second that winning it was possible (Nidhogg and the Horde had reasons she could understand and she was still semi-naive and optimistic back then, but the Empire felt incomprehensible and unstoppable and she'd become extremely pessimistic by then). She just wanted to go back home to Ishgard and be left alone to grieve her friends. To sum up her biggest issue with Stormblood: Hien found it odd that she was dead silent most of the time, and he once asked for her thoughts about his plan to flood Doma Castle. Her answer amounted to "I don't have any thoughts because there's no point in thinking, it's not my job- I'm just here to be a good obedient weapon and kill whatever you tell me to. Why would I waste my time having an opinion on something when what I feel/think/need doesn't matter to anyone?"

Yeah it was really fucked up lfdkjgfdghldk. (For the record, I do like Stormblood, this is all just O'ravi's feelings about it, and they're extremely negative because it was the lowest point of her life by a landslide. She was overwhelmed by trauma and grief and it kind of broke her, she was afforded no time to process anything that happened before she was thrown into war as the Alliance's #1 Weapon. Her opinions are not my opinions, please don't come at me FKJGLHDKGJH)

Endwalker fucking sucked because uhh.....well. She held herself personally responsible for the Final Days. The rest of this is going under a cut!

It's kinda hard to get into details but between the time loop and the fact that she personally slew Zodiark, not only does she believe the blood of everyone who became blasphemies is on her hands, she also believes she doomed the Ancients - and Azem, personally - and sacrificed them on the altar to save her own people, her own timeline, her own life. She considers herself the root of all Final Days-related suffering and death both for the Ancients and for modern Etheirys, and the whole time she's practically praying that she'll be killed to end the Final Days. She believes that fate demands it- that all she is MUST die to redress the balance. If everyone else were to flee on the moon, she would be obligated to remain on Etheirys until the bitter end, because she caused this. She burned the world. All of it is her fault, she deserves to die, and there is no ending to this story in which she lives. For her to survive would be an affront to the gods, to fate, to the people she's wronged, to everyone that ever lived. She adamantly refuses to listen to anyone who says otherwise or any evidence to the contrary fgljkdhk.

I know in-game the narrative treats the concept of WoL becoming a blasphemy as kind of a joke because in what world would that ever happen lol, but uhhhh, it does almost happen to O'ravi after what I call her day from hell (the Final Days of Thavnair, where Ahewann dies and Matsya's friends are killed and he and his friends' baby almost turn to blasphemies, etc). She has a breakdown after the meeting with Shirabaht and the dignitaries, and it takes the combined efforts of Ardbert, Estinien, and probably Fray to stop her from turning. The guilt and self-loathing and sheer fucking stress from all that happening just turned into wholesale despair. It only happened that once, though.

The only reason Endwalker DOESN'T rank as being a worse time for her than Stormblood is, ironically, her unshakeable belief that she had to die at the end. Because dying at the end was her best shot at redemption and atonement, and the thought of being able to atone, even if only in part, became the hope she could hold onto. She wasn't sure if she could save Etheirys, but being able to give it her absolute all without the distraction of being worried about her survival was sort of a saving grace sdkjfhlkdjgh. Idk it's weird!!! It's a lot!!! It was a bad weird time!!!

Her other saving grace was whatever the fuck she had going on with Aymeric FKGJHDFLJGHD. That's a post for another day but the tl;dr of it is they had a sort of star-crossed lovers thing going, she threw caution to the wind and decided to kiss him and be open about how much she loved him despite the fact that they'd never get to be together the way they both wanted, they were sort of just making the most of the scraps of time they had because time was running out

Best part of MSQ, as in "time she enjoyed the most": ARR patches and the first round of ShB patches. The ARR patches were her highest point for a long time, she had everything she wanted, all the adventure and purpose and thrills she could ever want. It was also before grief shattered her and she was made to pick up the pieces, before most of her idealism and hope was ripped away from her. It wasn't perfect, though, much as she used to think it was.

The first round of ShB patches were for the most part such a joyful time? Norvrandt never for a moment took her for granted the way Eorzea does, and they don't idolize her to the point of dehumanizing her either. There's a sort of kinship that she has with the people of the First, because they've known such horrible loss and kept on living anyway, same as she has. It's more of an even playing field, as it were. She can breathe easier there. She was also sort of drunk on the joy of being reunited with G'raha and the fact they both survived; the very complicated feelings she had about Emet and Amaurot were sort of buried under that fdlkgjhdgjk. She loved helping people, and then getting to go home to the Source and reunite with the people she thought she'd never get to see again (Aymeric, the Fortemps, and her family most of all!), and so that all outweighed the problems of Elidibus's Weird Stupid Bullshit by a lot. Most of the second round of ShB patches were good too, but she was so emotionally fucked up by the Seat of Sacrifice (as well as her own insecurities getting really bad) that she couldn't enjoy those as much.

tysm to anyone who read all this, and tysm for asking this meg!!!! this is probably more than you bargained for FGKJLDHGJH but you asked a very good question!!!!!!

[sylvanas-girlkisser]

The game gave me a Van Helsing style repeating crossbow, but only let me keep it for the worst mandatory stealth section I've had to play in a long time.

In the game's defense, it does pass the Bechdel test: at one blink and you will miss it moment a mother and a daughter talk about caring about each other.

Also of the 3 named women in the story, two are standard action girls, while the third is purely motivated by her desire to have the main character as her dad/husband.

An in a weird way that is sort of a microcosm of a lot of the issues with this game: Somewhere in here, there's a genuinely interesting antagonist in Isi, who despite Grayson making no secret of viewing her as a daughter, keeps making unwanted passes at him, and when he does start spending time (platonically) with another woman, sets out to destroy him.

Like this could be an interesting reversal of the possessive male coworker trope, showing how patriarchy cuts both ways and can also result in women feeling entitled to mens' affection. Isi is young (mid-20s ish), she's attractive, she's from a powerful family, she wants Grayson, so by the rules of patriarchal society she should have him - And the fact that he would rather spend time with a woman his own age (and a woman of color at that!) can only be an insult to her honor.

But because the game never really takes the time to dig into the characters emotions, Isi instead ends up seeming more like what people who doesn't understand Lolita (the book) thinks Lolita (the character) acts like.

Also the game commits the cardinal sin of werewolf design (just making them hunched over hairy dudes with claws).

I've spent the morning playing "The Order 1886", like 8 billion years after it came out.

The game advertised itself as being about like, a dieselpunk secret society fighting werewolves, and on the surface yeah that's true. The execution however is just so damn derivative.

Like okay, first off, the order is not actually a secret society, they're her majesty's supercops.

Second: everyone talks like the protagonist of a call of duty game, yelling about targets being neutralized, and having situations on their hand - This is with the exception of one scene where everyone spontaneously switches to hollywood regency era English, which must have been written for the trailers.

Also all the weapons I've encountered so far are just very slighly altered real world weapons, except for the two lightning guns which are both stolen from fallout 3.

After about an hour and a half, the game seemingly just forgets it's supposed to be about werewolves, and becomes more concerned with checking all the boxes people would expect from a US-army inspired FPS of the era.

Now we're rappelling down the side of a ship, here we are sneaking around with knives assassinating guards, can't forget the sniper section, or the part where the rebels plant bombs on a thing, oh and we simply must have a battle for the bridge followed by a rocket launcher segment - i wonder when im getting to the helicopter minigun section.

Except dear reader, just as i was absolutely falling asleep at the helm, the game revealed that actually the order is made up of vampire knights of the round table. But before things could too interesting, the game turned around and revealed this was just setup for their assassins creed fanfiction

[itsstrawberrymochi]

can I have headcanons of giyu, rengoku and sanemi meeting a very powerful male demon upper moon demon who suddenly gets turned into a human and begins to follow them around demanding they fix him. and they end up falling in love.

Kny characters x transformed from a demon to a human reader!

Helllo I really appreciate the request ( sorry for the tardiness) I do hope you like them ^^

Please note there are NO SPOILERS in this and the whole demon suddenly turning back into human is not canon, so basically these headcanons are spoiler-free and not canon to the manga

Since all of these characters here literally hate demons because of all the damage they cause here are some important notes to make it more realistic that they feel for you

Let’s just say the reason you want to turn back is because you used your blood art to help the innocent from other demons and as well as bad people and you want to continue doing it

You only killed and ate criminals

Sanemi

He was very excited to meet you and by meet you I mean kill you

He was satisfied to know he’ll not be only killing a demon but an upper moon,the strongest type of demon

He also heard you were one of the most powerful upper moons so if he was able to slay you it’ll make his already big ego even bigger

All his plans went down the drain when you suddenly turned human

It happened during his battle with you, and even though you clearly looked and were human boy he still tried to kill you, luckily for you it had other hunters around who stopped him and convinced him to take you back to the headquarters before they did anything irrational

Oyakata-sama had allowed you to live and stay at the headquarters until they found out how this happened and Sanemi was not having it

Despite you being human now he still saw you as a human-eating demon and if he didn’t respect Oyakata-sama so much he would’ve killed you already

And the worst part about the whole thing for him was the way you followed him around demanding him to fix you

Sanemi did not hesitate to fight you when you did it

Shinobu had to always tell him to be gentle with you because you can’t heal as fast anymore, she also told him to be kinder to you and explained to him you use to be a good demon who actually helped people

After hearing about all the good you did and people you saved he decided to see you in a new light

He really liked the fact that you only killed criminals since he hates them too

Even though he knew the truth that you were good he still acted mean towards you because this is Sanemi we’re talking about

Your relationship would grow slowly and it’ll take him some time to warm up to you

He started to like how you followed him, it made him feel less lonely

And how no matter much he yelled at you, you stayed

He also liked how you weren’t scared of him like most people are but why would you be? yes he was a scary person but you’ve faced Muzan more than once so you were unfazed at this point

Day by day the more you were around him the more he feel for you and you feel for him

Sanemi became extremely protective over you and he didn’t even realize it

People would often feel uneasy around you because well... you use to be a demon and would gossip whenever you passed

Sanemi would shout at them and threaten to beat them up, most times he would actually do it

Since you follow him around a lot he asked you to train with him and he loves training with you because you’re ridiculously strong and he loves the challenge

Sanemi even taught you his breathing style since you didn’t have a demon blood art to protect you anymore

Since you turned into a human you would often go under countless experiments Sanemi hates that how they would pry and poke at you but he knew it was necessary so he’d always be near you during these times

The day he was sure he loved you he was scared to tell you, he thought during your times as a demon you probably forgot how to love but he asked anyways and when you said yes to being his boyfriend he was over the moon and promised to protect you from both humans and demons

Giyuu

He didn’t really care that you were a powerful upper moon he just wanted to kill you and get over with it

When you turned human he was beyond shocked, he was contemplating wherever he should finish you or not, he ended up not doing it because he saw you as a human now and he doesn’t kill humans

He took you back to the headquarters and while they were running tests on your blood they made Giyuu babysit for the time being

He hated that you followed him, but it was an order for him to watch over so he couldn’t do anything about it, when you followed him around he just ignore you

It took him a long to to stop hating you only because you asked to be fixed

Why would you want that? You hurt so many people and you want to do it again? These are the questions that would race in his mind whenever you asked

He shouted them at you one when you asked him again, he was tired of you and wanted to know

But when he found out the real reason why you wanted to turn back felt so bad

After that day he slowly began to open up to you and actually talked to you, like Sanemi he enjoyed your company and liked having someone to talk to

His feelings for you develop rather quickly seeing how much time you spent together

He also feel for you because you were the only person who talked to him nicely, other people usually talked to him to make fun of him or about slayer business so it was nice to have a friend

When he finds out he really loves you he’ll never tell you because he’s too shy and afraid you won’t feel the same way so you’ll have to make the first move

When you tell him you love him he’ll immediately say it back in a shy cute whisper 🥺

It was beautiful relationship because when you were a demon you never had a boyfriend and Giyuu being shy never had a one either so whenever you did things together as a couple, like a kiss or a date it was the first time for both of you

When you became his boyfriend he’d mostly go on dates in the night like late night walks, star gazing etc... he does it because you were a demon for so long you so he assumed you were perhaps more comfortable with doing things at night

He doesn’t want you to become a hunter because if a demon reconized you it’ll probably kill you or report you back to Muzan

Please continue following him even though your his boyfriend, he’ll get sad if you don’t

He give you his clothes because your old ones didn’t fit you anymore, he had such a cute blush as he handed you them

Rengoku

Like Sanemi he was pleased to know he’ll be killing a powerful demon but not for prideful reasons of course

He was glad to kill you because you’re a upper moon and once your dead you are you can’t hurt anyone else

But then there was no need for that because you turned human

When it had happen during your battle, he was the one who had to protect you from other hunters because they were trying to still kill you even though you were human

Yes he protected you but that didn’t exactly mean he liked you, his feelings for you in the beginning was pure hate, he saw you as a human and all but he didn’t forgive you for the sins you committed as a demon

He didn’t mind when you followed him, he wanted you to follow him actually because if by any chance you turned back into a demon he could quickly kill you

When you’re not following him he would follow you and he didn’t try to hide it

Since Rengoku isn’t a person who’s not scared to hide his emotions or talk to people he asked you why you wanted to turn back

After you told him why it took him some time to forgive you , yes he understood you only killed bad people but it was still killing humans

But over time he’ll forgive you and start treating you kindly

He even fixed you but not in the way you thought he would , he fixed you emotionally

He knew it probably took a toll on your emotions with all the killing and being a demon so he was there for you and talked things through with you and helped you become human again in terms of emotionally

During this time of him helping you with your transition into the human world again you two feel in love and started dating

When you two started dating he took you to things you couldn’t go as a demon

Contrary to Giyuu he took you on dates mostly in the day time because he assumed you probably missed those things when you were a demon

He’s fine with you going on missions with him and when you two go you’re a power coupe, since you use to be a demon you know all the weak spots and easy spots to slat so you’ll tell your boyfriend and he’ll slay the faster than he usually does

[breakspe4rs]

WTF was that? One of the reasons I was liking HOTD so much more than GOT is because it had regained its essence. Where everything is grey ,in fact here it was much more grey. Each character evolved and their decisions could become contradictory but that was what made them interesting.

Tywin could treat people like Gendry with respect but do atrocities to his own son. It was the same here. Viserys killed his wife for a baby and crawled to the throne to defend his daughter. But in these last chapters everything seems to be forgotten. Back to the same essence of the last seasons of GOT. Obviously Aegon has to be bad ,VERY BAD ,raping girls and watching 10 year old fights. Criston is simply reduced to an extremist hater, Otto always talked about the order in the kingdom but the writers were lazy to talk about it and they only left the part where he wants the throne. Larys one of the most interesting characters in the book was reduced to an ambitious fetishist... for god sake. The series had already gone out of its way to make Rhaenyra "a good girl" in the last few chapters (even though the situation lent itself to not doing so) to such a degree that Daemon (the same one who almost killed a messenger and killed his innocent wife) seems like a good guy. The series goes out of its way to ignore any sins the blacks commit and paint the greens as the bad guys.I can understand that from the fans, but that the series makes it canon, that's the worst.

Cmonnn... A little more fairness. It's obvious they do it because a lot of fans support Rhaenyra and they need fan service. But not like that.The Rhaenys scene is the worst BY FAR(much more than the death of the old man at the council, this series definitely hates Criston). It's so random so unnecessary and incoherent, and I asked.... WHY WHAT? . WHY? i want to know how "THE GREEN COUNCIL" thinks? ,it's their time.for one chapter only your spoiled children won't see Daemon,ok, you did it already ,do it right. Is it so hard for once to focus on giving depth to one side of the war? It looks like an ao3 fanfic scene ,for god sake. The story had all the elements precisely to be a civil war. You could come to understand ,until a couple of chapters ago ,why some would not want Rhaenyra to have the crown. Many not even for the obvious reasons. But now they reduce it to "she's a woman" or "we want the throne".

The script had room for more and it is evident that they did not want to talk about it. And it was even funny to see how desperate the script was to move things forward without stopping to explore all this. Alicent even has some doubts about everything that happens but nah ,why show his turning point? Let's just put that she already decided and talks to Otto. Same with Aegon. It needed to be understood ,in an unbiased way ,why they act like that Not simply being the bad guys because the fans want them to be the bad guys , even worse that is no excuse to take away depth from each character.

There are several reasons why all there don't want to see Rhaenyra on the throne but it seems the series didn't bother even a little bit to delve into that. I hope it doesn't follow that trend because it would be disappointing to see the franchise become ,AGAIN,a toy of the fanboys

[sukimas]

Hi buddy how's it hanging. Fascinating reply here; you learned that Reimu's the sages' attack dog in chapter 25 of FS, of all places? Not in the Extra stage of IN, or in the entirety of Subterranean Animism?

For that matter, you seem to have kind of a lot of condemnation available for Reimu, even though Marisa does the same thing despite it not being her job to keep the balance in Gensoukyou. Similarly, Kosuzu is inducted into the group, instead of telling everyone in the village that youkai aren't really the enemies of the village's humans. It's in everyone with any power's interest to keep up the facade, whether for reputational reasons or for their own job. That Reimu takes part in this a little more actively- by doing what she would have done anyway, not just because it's her job but because they're a pain in the ass, and exterminating a youkai- isn't really something to condemn her for.

If she weren't acting as a tool of the sages- for example, like she was in the PC-98 games and EoSD, before she even figured out that there was more than one person managing the barrier- she'd still exterminate youkai for being a pain in the ass, because she is a human shrine maiden. After all, later in Forbidden Scrollery, Yukari tells her specifically that she engineered things such that Reimu wouldn't have to exterminate Kosuzu; Reimu's more steadfast about the "youkai extermination" part of her job than the people who assigned her the position of "youkai exterminator".

In general, Reimu's in a kind of existentially horrible position; either she does her job as a good little doll, or she's replaced by one who listens better. Her somehow successfully abandoning her duties as the shrine maiden (despite Rinnosuke's theories about the meaning of the name "Yakumo") would save absolutely no one; Aya makes it clear in Silent Sinner in Blue that the shrine maiden can be replaced, and her successor would do exactly the same things that she does. It wouldn't even save her, if she did manage to escape from Gensoukyou; Eiki's perfectly blunt about the fact that leaving other people to escape your own horrible fate is enough to send you to Hell.

Essentially, Reimu has no choice in the matter at all. This, of course, doesn't absolve her of what she does; but if she left, she'd be leaving someone else to the duties, and staining herself with the sins that they committed in her stead. She doesn't have an opportunity to destroy the system, and if she leaves, at best nothing will change, and at worst she'll die. It's dreadfully unfair, but Gensoukyou is a false paradise, so what can you expect? The way she acts about it- whether it's being cavalier about death or moping around in the shrine or having drinking parties with monsters- can't change the situation, so you can't really condemn or praise her for her behavior.

The way that I like to think about it is that Reimu's in a situation that would give the average anime protagonist six to twelve existential crises a week about the horrors but she mostly manages to drink tea about it. Really, if you're interested in debating the morality of Touhou protagonists, Marisa's the much more interesting option. Not related to the theft, either!

fortune teller comes back in like a hundred and fifty years as a cute girl. nobody remembers her except kosuzu (also a youkai) who sics the shrine maiden on her again

[shihalyfie]

“There is no one right way to live”

Adventure and 02 really make up an unusual series in many ways, and I think one of them is how kind it is to the human condition. One of its most consistent commitments is to portraying its kids as “real children” -- as in, messy kids with some very deep nuances to their behavior, in ways that don’t reflect what you’d usually expect from media tropes. In some ways, it ended up backfiring (tropes are not inherently a bad thing, and it’s led to miscommunication that persists to this day because the audience has to fight a tendency to read the characters through the kinds of tropes we’re all expecting to find), but it also had the effect that these kids could be intimately relatable to the audience in ways that “textbook” portrayals of kids often wouldn’t be.

Adventure had eight main characters in its human cast, which was extended to twelve in 02 -- a massive balancing act -- and yet took the stance that none of these twelve characters’ very different ways of thinking or living life are fundamentally wrong. Rather, it celebrates the differences between them, and encourages them to embrace them about themselves. But it also does not shy away from the struggles those with each line of thinking might have in terms of communicating and interacting with the world. It’s easy to say words like “be yourself”, but what does “be yourself” really mean?

“Each character’s way of thinking”

Most people tend to define “character development” by “how much the character changed over the course of the narrative”, but if you look carefully, not all of the characters change that much. In fact, Koushirou and Miyako’s character arcs are about how they shouldn’t have to change much about themselves!

What we do get to see, however, is everyone’s intimate thought processes. We’re given so much information about each kid’s background and how it shapes their ways of thinking, and how they react to given situations, that you can get six fanfiction writers who have studied the series well and give them a completely hypothetical situation with some of the characters, and most if not all of them will roughly agree, because each kid’s thought pattern is so well detailed that you can easily imagine how they’d behave even when the scenario is hypothetical.

This, despite the fact that Adventure and 02 rarely use internal monologue (this is something specific to its Japanese version; while Japanese anime generally has less of this compared to Western shows, Adventure and 02 are unusually low on this even compared to later Digimon series, and it’s a possible byproduct of the narrative being eventually revealed to be from Takeru’s perspective and not someone truly omniscient). This is something that also somewhat backfired in that characters who are difficult to read or unaware of their own feelings become very difficult for the audience to read, so you have to read their behavior patterns and put two and two together (such as Takeru outright lying about his feelings regarding his childhood in Adventure episode 12, or Sora’s testimony about her confrontation with her mother not quite tracking with what’s actually depicted in Adventure episode 26). It does, however, have a very powerful weapon that it uses to help the audience understand each character’s mentalities and what they’re thinking at a given moment...

Digimon partners! In a sense, “talking with a Digimon partner” is a replacement for internal monologue, because the kids spill their internal feelings to their partners as if they’re talking to themselves. (Protip for all of you fanfic writers out there who struggle to figure out how to integrate the Digimon smoothly into the narrative: “cutting out most of your internal monologue and replacing it with a conversation with a Digimon partner” is one of your most reliable fallbacks.) This is helpful for characters like Koushirou, who initially starts off Adventure as very isolated from the others but immediately takes well to Tentomon, and Ken, who spends a good part of 02′s third quarter still very emotionally distant from the others and not entirely willing to open up to them, but very conversely willing to open up to his own partner. Iori converses about his conflicted feelings regarding the situation with Upamon during the process of forming his Jogress relationship with Takeru, and, back in Adventure, Takeru himself was willing to show his more “less well-behaved” side in front of Patamon that he normally wouldn’t when he was constantly in the presence of elders.

On top of that, Digimon partners being reflective of the kids’ own personalities in some sense means that they are very good at asking just the right questions at the right time, or saying perfectly well-timed things that the kids needed to hear the most, to get them to reconsider their position or realize that they might be going in the wrong direction...

Moreover, we get a lot of help in 02 simply by virtue of the fact it’s about relationships -- I’ve said this a few times before, but 02 is not a series about platitudes or toxic positivity, and has a strong emphasis on “you must understand the other person’s feelings if you want to truly reach out to them.” Showering happy platitudes about friendship on them means nothing if you’re still technically dismissing their feelings and making zero attempt to figure out why they feel this way! Therefore, everyone only accepts Ken when they each come to understand his feelings on the situation, and the Jogress arcs involve the relevant parties making active attempts to “understand the other person’s feelings” and what exactly makes them behave the way they do, before addressing their problems using what they need most at that moment. Being able to push people forward in a positive direction requires having a proper understanding of all of the negativity that came with it, accepting them in spite of that, and choosing to address what they need.

And in 02 episode 49, Daisuke says something that embodies a lot of Adventure and 02′s attitude towards these things: it’s not a sin to have feelings. Your reaction or way of seeing things, based on your backgrounds and experiences that have shaped you, is not something you can be blamed for having, whether that means being worried, sad, frustrated, angry, resentful, what have you. The only question is what you do in response to your feelings.

It’s easy to say “be yourself”, but that’s obviously a problem if you “be yourself” by rampantly ignoring what other people think and trampling on other people’s feelings, and it’s also a problem if “being yourself” is causing problems for others, and it’s especially a problem if “being yourself” is also hurting yourself while you’re at it -- so what does it mean to be true to yourself?

It’s not about your inherent personality traits, it’s about what you choose to do with them

As I said earlier, Adventure and 02 all arguably celebrate the fact that everyone is so different, and has their own skills to contribute to the group. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and everyone makes up for each other’s weaknesses when they work together. And some of these characters do change in order to become “better people”. But what does being a “better person” mean? How does that tie into still “being true to yourself”, and yet changing at the same time?

02 episode 18 has Miyako in possibly one of her worst bouts of loss of control -- she has an effective panic attack and starts yelling at everyone in all directions, resulting in Hawkmon getting hurt. However, everyone here understands that Miyako meant well and was trying her best given the situation, and nobody scorns her for it, with Hikari even arranging for Miyako and Hawkmon to have proper space to emotionally air things out. Again: it was not a sin for Miyako to have feelings of anxiety, but it was a problem once those feelings led to causing trouble for others -- as in, trampling on their feelings, not having enough regard for their welfare, and such. Well-intentioned or not, Miyako just caused problems, and for that, Miyako labels herself as a “bad” person (tying into her ongoing character arc that involved negatively comparing herself to more mature and put-together people). However, Hawkmon assures her that he likes her the way she is.

But Miyako can’t keep going on like this -- it would obviously be very bad for her to keep being inconsiderate and trample on others’ feelings! But what does happen is that Miyako simply learns to channel these traits in the correct direction -- it’s established that, on the flip side, her being over-the-top brings joy to other people by making them laugh (02 episodes 31, 36, 38), and her aggressive personality is able to reach out to those like Hikari who are too closed in and on another unhealthy extreme! And as it turns out, she is capable of channeling all of those “aggressive” qualities into “aggressively”...reaching out to others and proactively supporting them; all she needed was a bit better sense of regulation so that her energy would go to the places she wanted them to be, rather than rampantly all over the place to the point of causing trouble. She didn’t have to fundamentally change herself into someone like Mimi or Hikari; it was just about adjusting her way of going about things just enough so that she could become more considerate.

Even all the way back in Adventure episode 10, all of the “problems” caused in this episode specifically have to do with Koushirou ending up (accidentally) being inconsiderate to Mimi and Palmon and not taking their feelings enough into account. Again, Koushirou is not treated as if his feelings are wrong or malicious -- he even states that he thinks that the research he’s doing will help everyone in the long run -- but his way of handling this situation is awful, and, regardless of his intent, Mimi and Palmon are feeling abandoned and tossed aside.

For the rest of the series, Koushirou learns to hone his existing skills in analysis -- even his fixation tendencies are treated as a potentially valuable trait -- and, once we learn the details about how he started keeping distance from everyone due to the shock of learning he was adopted and his social anxiety tendencies in Adventure episode 38, Koushirou momentarily tries to force himself to use casual language, and his parents assure him that he doesn’t have to force himself to change. In the end, it’s not an inherent sin for Koushirou to have social anxiety, nor that he needs more time to adjust to becoming more casual with others -- according to Adventure episode 54, he does want to get closer to others eventually, but even Tentomon says he shouldn’t force himself. Koushirou “working past” his social issues doesn’t mean he suddenly has to turn himself into a socialite overnight, but rather, he simply needs to do enough to be able to communicate with others without (accidentally or otherwise) ignoring others’ important feelings. Thus, in 02, he’s still working on becoming less distant from everyone, but he’s managed to become someone who can communicate with and organize people, and is well-respected for it.

A recurring theme in Adventure and 02 is that there’s a good and a bad side to everything, and so if we look at the twelve kids over Adventure and 02, we can see that a lot of the “good things” and “bad things” about them really stem from the same thing:

Taichi: Being an ambitious person who can oversee people in disparate places and bring them together (good) also means that he’s not always good at checking the nuances or other potentially negative contingencies, and can be rather insensitive (bad)

Yamato: Being emotionally sensitive to others means he can be passionate and open about everything, and compassionate to others (good), but also means he can get explosively angry and lose control of himself (bad)

Sora: Being caring towards others and supportive (good) means that she can also end up developing self-destructive tendencies due to her perceived obligations to others (bad)

Koushirou: Being constantly curious and fixated on learning more means he can get to the bottom of things and answer questions that others can’t (good) but also means he can get too absorbed in it and not be able to take others into account (bad)

Mimi: Being extremely sensitive and empathetic means that she’s open-minded, compassionate, and all-loving (good) but also that she takes any kind of discomfort or emotionally draining thing extra hard, and may all too often be unable to take a stand even when she really should (bad)

Jou: Being constantly invested in everyone’s welfare and compelled to help them means he’s very honest and dutiful and otherwise reliable (good) but also means he can make very reckless decisions because he’s so stressed about everyone and everything (bad)

Takeru: Being good at maintaining an atmosphere of moderation and generally being able to handle very tough things means that he has a very strong grip on himself and doesn’t cause trouble for others easily (good) but also means he’s prone to sudden and irrational emotional outbursts because he’s suppressing so badly that he gets no catharsis and isn’t being honest about his own feelings (bad)

Hikari: Being compassionate and all-loving means that she can put her foot down easily for the sake of others and advocate for kindness (good) but also means that her desire to not be a burden on others makes her compulsively unable to vocalize any of her own personal problems to the point of self-destruction and passiveness (bad)

Daisuke: Being so deferential to others and pure-hearted means that he can focus practically on what needs to be done and be a supportive person to others (good) but also means that he’s prone to insecurity, defensiveness, and lack of assertiveness in the face of others (bad)

Miyako: Being over-the-top and full of bright energy means that she can bring joy to others and can reach out to those who have troubles (good) but also means that she has difficulty having restraint from losing control of herself (bad)

Iori: Being humble and a principled person means that he’s good at approaching things directly and driven by a constant desire to do good (good) but also can be so fixated on those principles that he clings onto them even far beyond practicality, and is constantly restraining himself more than should be necessary (bad)

Ken: Being assertive and able to have firm will means that he can get what he wants done for others and show kindness when he needs to (good) but also means that the same assertiveness can be used for uncontrolled sadism and inflicting pain on others (bad)

So, again: all of these characters are encouraged to embrace all of the good things about themselves, and to channel them in ways that are productive or healthy or help them live happily alongside others; all of those “bad” traits also being there doesn’t necessarily mean they have to blot out those personality aspects that have good sides to them as well! It’s just that those “bad” things need to be kept in check so that they don’t cause trouble, and you can read all of these character arcs in ways that involve everyone changing just enough to make sure those “bad” things don’t go rampant and cause problems everywhere -- and everyone’s an imperfect human being, so it’s unlikely that they’ve completely gotten rid of those entirely even into adulthood -- but they have better awareness of what they need to do, and how to better adjust themselves into better people.

Look at the difference between Ken and Daisuke -- Ken had to go through some massive changes because, as the Kaiser, his “bad” traits were going over the top and causing all sorts of harm to everyone, and there was a huge journey he had to go through to get that all in check, whereas Daisuke was always clearly a very pure-hearted person from the get-go and didn’t have to adjust himself as much. Yet you could say the same thing about both of them -- by Ken learning that his efforts and assertiveness were misplaced, and by Daisuke getting around his constant insecurity and need for validation in order to better lead everyone forward, they basically did the same thing, just in different ways, and they’re both better people for it.

And it’s also the philosophy Jou endorses in Adventure episode 50 -- Mimi and Jou aren’t people who are necessarily best at fighting, and this isn’t inherently a sin. It’s just that they need to find ways to productively play to their own strengths in ways that are true to themselves. If Mimi can’t bring herself to engage in direct violence, she can at least use her skills to bring together everyone else who wants to protect the Digital World and prevent more casualties, and if Jou is, by his own admission, “not strong”, he can consider a path ahead of him that involves becoming a healer who can help those who are wounded, and prevent casualties that way.

There is no one right way to live.

What it is you want to do

Here’s an interesting question about the 02 epilogue, and, while we’re at it, 02 episode 50 as a whole: Why are “careers” brought up so much? Timeskip epilogues are hardly new to 02 (and of course have popped up in media for years thereafter), but not all of them involve careers, and even fewer of them have that much focus on shoving “careers” into your face as the main centerpoint, especially since usually this kind of thing would be about family lives or romance or something (and we can say a lot about how the 02 epilogue cared so much about the career thing that it was blatantly prioritizing it over the hot-topic romance issue of Yamato and Sora).

Because, in the end, a career -- or, perhaps, a “future aspiration”, because various details about how the epilogue is presented indicate that “the career that defines your income and adult life” may not actually be the correct term here -- is the ultimate manifestation of “what it is you want to do with your life”. The point driven home by 02 episode 50 is that such a thing should be “what you want to do”, and, given that this was originally supposed to be the Adventure ending before 02 was conceived, it also ties into Adventure’s own theme of “finding your own path”. All of those “careers” listed in the 02 epilogue feel a lot more nonsensical when you think about it in terms of the material hobbies they had during the series, but make significantly more sense when you frame it in terms of what kind of personality each person had and what they would prioritize. Materially, if you think about what Taichi had as a “hobby” during Adventure and 02, it would be soccer, but when you think about him being “an ambitious, wide-reaching leader who brings people from different places together”, his career of “diplomat to bring two worlds together” makes much more sense. It wasn’t about what they’re doing to pay the bills; it’s about “what’s most important in each of their lives”.

And, as far as the series is concerned, none of these decisions are the “wrong” ones; if there’s a “wrong” decision, it’s the one 02 (and later Kizuna) warned you about, in terms of blotting your own self out and making yourself unhappy because you did it for the sake of society’s expectations instead of for yourself. There’s even a difference between the Adventure group and 02 group in their own priorities, in that the former is more individualistic and far-reaching in terms of personal ambition, and the latter prioritizes mutual support and living simpler lives as long as it makes them happy, and as far as Adventure and 02 are concerned, that’s all fine, because those are choices that suit their own dispositions and fit things that they want to do first and foremost.

Everyone is different, everyone has different priorities, and everyone has different ways to live. Everyone has different perspectives and feelings, and once the arguments are ironed out, those should be cherished and celebrated.

[lyallblacklupin]

Don’t miss the Yule Ball.

Remus sorts out his feelings about Sirius. 

Tags: Post-Incident with Severus Snape, Angst with Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Trust Issues.

Chapter 4

If someone had been there to witness what happened to Remus after Sirius had left the dorm, they would have had given him the longest hug to repress his teeming guilt that had gushed out of him so hard that he had collapsed on the floor, rocking back and forth for tears to come out, but they never came. He never wanted things to be turned this way between him and Sirius, which were completely unexpected. Sure, he did fantasize of being asked out by Sirius, but not in his right mind he had ever had any hopes for it to happen. He really underestimated Sirius. He was strongly reminded that the void in his chest was Sirius’ absence in his life which was expanding day by day, ripping his heart in the midst. He wanted Sirius. So much. He felt selfish—in fact he was selfish, and right now it didn’t seem like much of a sin.

He was again at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall, sipping coffee heedlessly, mind floating elsewhere in the crack of dawn. There were no classes today due to the Yule Ball in the evening. He had nothing to distract himself with. Surprisingly, he was greeted by a very unusual couple that he had to blink his eyes a little too much to believe he was seeing right.

“Oh, stop blinking! I know it’s hard to believe.” Lily Evans grumbled, with a slight amusement in her voice.

“Oh Evans, it’s not hard for me to believe. I am very much alive right now!” Yes, that was none other than James Potter, grinning his usual stupid, stupid smirk.

“For your information, we are not dating, Potter. We are just friends who happened to be going on a very casual event of our school.” Lily imitated a very elegant voice, smiling successfully that James couldn’t stop looking at her—or couldn’t stop swooning at her.

“Sure.” He shrugged, the smile not leaving his face for a second. They both slipped into their seats beside Remus, but they didn’t sit together. James and Lily were sitting on Remus’ sides. When the silence had prolonged for more than it was necessary, he found both of them staring at him.

“What?” He was utter confused.

“You think we are unable to see that long face of yours?” Lily commented, arching her brows like Mcgonacall. He shook his head slightly. He knew that he was not going to get away from this, “Tell us what happened?”

Remus was unable to gather words. He felt like he had no ounce of energy left in his body.

“I don’t know what to tell…” He trailed off.

“Okay, how about you tell us what are you feeling?” She put her hand on his.

“I don’t know that either.”

“Okay, okay…Umm. How about we ask you questions and you try to answer them?” Remus was not thrilled with her idea, so he stayed silent which she took it as his approval, “Did you have a fight with Sirius?”

“Not exactly a fight…” Remus was replaying the memory in his head for the infinith time, “Merlin, I wish it had been a fight.”

“Was it about…what he did with Snap—“ Lily was cut off by the shake of his head.

“No, it was not about that!” He said irritatingly, “We are way past that, okay?” He wasn’t asking but he was making it clear.

“Are you?” James interjected.

“Look, I have forgiven him long time ago. It’s just getting difficult to be, you know…normal?”

“Okay, let’s talk straight here, mate,” James put his arm around Remus—which was a typical ‘James Potter move’ when he was trying to convince someone, “You guys were dating before…all of that,” He did a vague hand gesture, “And right now, you guys are just these uncomfortable exes who are missing each other so much but have a tendency to ignore that.”

“Of course, I miss Sirius. He was my only best friend, James.” James gasped dramatically, making a show of how mocked he felt by his comment. Remus rolled his eyes at him.

“Yes, but James is trying to say that you guys miss being each other’s boyfriends.” Lily said those words with such gentleness that Remus felt heat creeping up on his neck. He was suddenly reminiscing the best memories of his life when he was dating Sirius.

“You are an ignorant, self-centered and a mean boyfriend, do you know that?” Remus replied blankly, his temper had reached the level of exhaustion because Sirius was right that Remus was never going to win any arguments with him. So he flopped on his bed but Sirius crawled from his behind to take him in his arms.

“But you love me.” He whispered, planting tiny kisses on Remus’ ear and jaw. Remus had turned into a mush, because it felt so good. He decided that he wasn’t unhappy on his position in their relationship. His mind made a mental note to himself that he’d rather let Sirius win all the arguments if it meant that he was never going to leave Remus.

“I do, I do love you.” He whispered back.

“Moony?”

“Remus?”

Remus jerked out of his ruminating to see James and Lily gawking at him.

“Sorry, just zoned out of the conversation.” He cleared his throat and Lily offered him her coffee.

“You’re a mess, Rem. You need to sort this out with yourself.” She was right, Remus knew, but he also wanted someone to tell him what to do.

“What do I do?”

“Go to the dance with him!” James piped up, and Remus flinched, “What?”

“Urgh. That was how it all started…”And then he told them what happened when Sirius asked him to be his date, how it turned out, and how infuriatingly he didn’t know what to do.

“You have a date!?” Lily scowled at him. Not only James was looking disappointed by the news, but Remus also felt sick of himself.

“I am the worst person in the world. I messed up. I messed everything! I knew that this was not what I wanted! I never wanted to date anyone. And yes, I admit, I haven’t moved on. Not even a little bit. I still think about him, and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he had always been the one to calm me down whenever I’m angry or sad but then Snape happened, and I made a promise with myself that I will never let Sirius come near me. But I was this overconfident shit that I thought I will be able to handle all it. And then I wasn’t…and I can’t…”

His chest was thundering as the sobs began to cloud his throat, waiting for Remus to let go of himself. He didn’t want anyone to touch him otherwise, he’d never stop crying now that his heart was opening and becoming vulnerable.

“Moony…” James’ gentle voice was enough to bring his emotion at the brink of his eyes. He didn’t just underestimate Sirius, but also himself. That was very unlike Remus. He hated being the center of attention, he hated breaking down in public, and he hated people’s soft words—let alone the physical gestures.

“Don’t.” It was all he could manage to say when Lily had touched his arm. He was on his feet as he fled the hall, in desperate need to reach the lavatory.

So it was about what happened with Snape, came a voice in his head when he was inside the vacant bathroom. There was still mistrust, swimming with his judgments. His mind was telling him that he shouldn’t commit the same mistake of getting into relationship with Sirius but his heart was not helping at all. It was so in love. He was trying breathe properly.

Let love be your guide, his heart said.

And then get lost? His mind retorted.

Yes! Remus wanted to slap himself.

He had been pushing feelings all of his life. He had been very difficult with Sirius for straight two days when Sirius had confessed that he was in love with him. The most remarkable thing was that Sirius understood his struggle with feelings and emotions. He had the art to scoop them out of Remus’ system. Moony, this is the only way to calm yourself, he had said to him. And now, as Lily had said, he was a mess. Without him. Without Sirius.

After few hours—what felt like minutes—he washed his miserable face and walked to the courtyard. He didn’t want to go the Gryffindor Tower to face anyone. He was a wreck. He didn’t want to face Sirius either, so he just sat by the outdated fountain where the tree was protecting him from the sun. He decided that he was not going to the Ball. He just wanted to rehearse his future act of turning down Catherina Johnson gently. He relaxed himself there. It had been fifteen minutes, and he had been thinking of his DADA essay for Patronus charms, which was a win-win for him as a distraction.

However, it wasn’t long when he took out his wand and tried to cast a patronus.

“Expecto Patronum.” He whispered, thinking about the time when his friends had first time accompanied him to the moon as Animagus. A silver wisp glowed on the tip of his wand but then died out after a second, which made him eventually want to think about the moments that had made him genuinely happy. He thought about the time when Sirius had told him he was a good kisser, when he had told him that they should start dating, and a lot more but they were not strong enough to cast full patronus, just a silver light flickering. He was confused. He focused and focused, becoming impatient. He was also worrying if Sirius was not associated with his happiest memory then maybe Remus had been in an oblivion—or say, stupid in love. He knew that love was the most powerful element to do wonders, even in the wizarding world. But What if it was never love? What if it was just infatuation? Then why was his heart hammering so violently in his chest? But then he was suddenly reminded of a very bad day in his fifth year when he was walking by the dungeon where the sixth-years were taking their Potions class, and Slughorn had called him to volunteer.

“Mr Lupin here is a fifth year, and he has advanced enough to brew Veritaserum which is supposed to be taught in his next year. Uh—Mr Lupin please, come forth and—Mr Lupin?”

Remus was extremely annoyed by a certain scent saturating the room. He was sniffing, and whipping his head to follow it. He had completely forgotten that he was volunteering with Professor Slughorn because he is so concentrated on the scent which is filling his nostrils, making him quite dizzy.

“What is this smell, Professor?” He asked, still looking here and there. He knew that some of his senior students were making fun of him as the room was filled with faint sounds of sniggers and snorts.

“Mr Lupin, you are in a Potion classroom, there are numerous of potions sitting out…” Remus ignored his rambling because the scent is getting stronger. He couldn’t put a finger on it because it was reminding him of many things. Musk, which was making him lightheaded. Cigarettes. Damp hair after hot shower. The feeling of leather on skin, and also the forbidden forest. The scent had a strange sense of familiarization. It was vague but he was drawn to it. It was like he was sitting in the heart of someone—someone he knew, because he could feel their heart beat in his ears.

Remus’ whole day was a disaster because he couldn’t brew the Veritaserum properly, Slughorn had sent him back to his dorm, he was tackled by Peeves on his way, and he was also annoyed by some portraits which had made fun of his scars. After his prefect rounds, he entered the common room with a foul mood, and spotted Sirius Black sitting alone on the couch. He looked at his pocket watch and found that it was past midnight. Sirius stood up and held out his arms, smiling at him. Remus threw his satchel and books away, and fell into Sirius’ arms. He was embraced so tightly and warmly.

They both stayed quiet, and Remus nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck. That was when his eyes snapped both because he caught a whiff of the same scent that had been annoying him in the Potions.

“That scent.” Remus murmured, pulling away from Sirius.

“What scent?” Sirius asked, perplexed.

“Oh! Not you, now! I have had enough of it! This scent is driving me mad, Sirius!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, Moony, why are you crying?”

“What?”

“You are crying.”

“Oh.”

“Come here.”

He was embraced again, and then it hit him. That scent was Sirius. It was not coming from somewhere, it was just Sirius’ scent. Very natural, and very Sirius. The potion he had smelled in the dungeon was Amortentia. Sirius had always been the one to give Remus the physical interaction he shared with no one in his group. Due to his claustrophobia, he had always found hugging very uncomfortable, but not with Sirius, never with Sirius.

“I’m claustrophobic.”

“I know.” Sirius tightened his hold on Remus, pulling him impossibly closer, and he was not choking for breath. That made him cry, more and more. He was not embarrassed for the streaming tears, so he let them fall because it was just Sirius. His home.

“Expecto Patronum.”

A full grown silver dog shot out of his wand, running in circles around Remus enthusiastically. And suddenly, Remus realized why such an odd memory was his happiest and the most powerful one because it was the day when he was brought in front of the raw truth that he was in love with Sirius Black.

It was afternoon, and everyone was gathering for lunch a little earlier because the Great Hall was going to be sealed for the decorations of the Yule Ball until the evening. Remus looked around him, everyone was beaming and laughing with the exhilaration for tonight. He needed to find Sirius. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to see him, at least. He walking quickly through the crowd, looking for him.

“Hey Remus!” He turned to find Catherina staring at him. Remus groaned internally.

“Hi, Catherina.” He tried to smile.

“Oh, call me Cathy. My friends calls me Cathy.” They fell into brief silence but she break it—to Remus’ horror, “So what’s the color of your robes tonight?” He frowned at her, “Oh, it’s okay if you don’t to tell but please don’t wear anything mustard. I have an extreme aversion to—“

“Catherina, I can’t go with you tonight.” He tried to ignore the hammering of his heart.

“What?” She looked distraught.

“I’m sorry—“

“Is this because of Black?”

“What does Sirius has to do with any of this?”

“Oh you bet your arse, it is! You guys think you are so subtle.” Remus is frozen in his place, “Who do you think you are? You thought I was just a bloody nobody to whom you’ll say yes without having to mean it—“

“Catherine, it’s not like that! I’m not feeling well, I can’t go—“

“Oh, save it, Lupin! You first agreed to be my date and broke Black’s heart, and now you’re going to his date by breaking mine?” She looked hurt, very hurt and Remus wanted to just die because her words were too true to be painful, “Can’t you see what you are doing?”

“I am so sorry, Cathy. Please. And I’m not going with anyone!” But she was shaking his head, “You have to believe me. And you are right, I did break your heart and you have no idea how pathetic I feel! I am a terrible person. I don’t deserve to be your date.”

“You are not,” She spoke after a brief silence, “You are not a terrible person. You are just stupid.”

“Same thing.”

“Look, you didn’t break my heart. You hurt my feelings, and I didn’t expect that from you. But you know what, people surprise you.” There is a very awkward silence between them and Remus couldn’t stop himself from apologizing. She gave him a long strange look, and then walked away.

Remus didn’t stand for any longer, he began walking. The thoughts, the guilt, the pain, the unjust things, the stupid acts, unfathomable love, all of that was dawning upon him at every step he was taking. His pace was becoming frantic as he reached closer to the Gryffindor Tower.

He entered the common room, his heart was racing abnormally. He paid no heed to the fourth-years standing in their robes and gowns. He ascended the staircase to his dormitory. For a second, he thought he was the same fifth-year student fleeing the Potions class because a certain scent had screwed up his day. He barged into the dorm just like he had on that day in the common room.

And once again, he found none other than Sirius Black, sitting alone in the room.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 5 is coming soon!

[thefanbasewhore]

The Owner of His Heart. ||A.R

AN: DO NOT CLICK KEEP READING IF YOU DIDNT NOT WATCH THE MOVE.. SPOILERS AHEAD… Also excuse my writing it’s been months since I’ve written anything !

Summary: before spoilers… Reader and Arvin had gone out a couple times but never labeled their relationship but one day when Arvin needs someone, she’s there.

Warning: Just the whole situation with the preacher, death, angst, and maybe a few curses?

The news was unsettling, the kind that sat deep inside the pit of one’s stomach, squeezing and aching, it made Y/N’s chest heavy with sadness. The news of Lenora’s death was surprising, a good God loving girl like her would never commit such a sin but there she lays with no one here., y/n is the only other person but her family standing above Lenora’s casket. Grandma Russel sobbing over the light-colored tomb, Uncle Earskell didn’t say much. As for Arvin she tried to get him to open up but, it didn’t seem like the right time to speak to him but her heart was hurting for his loss.

The preacher didn’t bother to come out and say any words, a suicide, a sinner.

Hesitantly she steps forward, hand comforting the lower back of Arvin. Arvin stiffens but he doesn’t bother to move away from it but only signs. “Arvin.” It’s a failed attempt to hold his hand because he’s almost half way down the dirt road before any other words could follow.

“just give him time sweetheart’” Grandma Russel manages to say, “He will come to you when he needs you.”

He always did. The couple were pretty much inseparable, best friends since childhood even walked together to school until graduation. Tears filled her eyes, Lenora had always been her friend too. They had only became more because the pressure to settle down and find a wife was weighed heavily on Arvin’s shoulders, he tried and tried but none of them clicked. One day it hit him, why wouldn’t he take his best friend out? There was no awkward introduction, no fakeness, she was the realist person he’s ever known.

At first it was a little awkward, so shocked that Arvin asked, she thought it was a joke and laughed in his face. He played it off cooly, but the look on his face said it all, not to mention how flush his cheeks were. “Wait you’re serious Arvin?”

“Mmm.” He confirms, “we already know everything about each other, it’s real between us. Just me and you, besides you ain’t the worst person I’ve ever seen.”

“wow thanks.” Her eyes roll make him laugh, he sucks in his bottom lip and smiles. “I’m just kidding darlin’, you’re beautiful.”

“Am I now?” A playful grin reaching her eyes as she leans over the counter of the diner. “So you’re confession your undying love for me officially?”

“yeah, I guess I am.” Tom shift uncomfortably in his seat as she tops of his coffee. It’s that sweet smile he’s so used too, but this time it send butterflies twirling in his stomach, he had always had a crush when he was younger but as the world grew colder and duller, he never acted on it. “I guess I’ll let you take me out, but we are not going anywhere the creepy abandoned house you always try to get me to go in.”

“why darlin’? Afraid of ghost?” Tom would never go there on a first date, a beautiful woman deserved something with flowers and big bright lights with dinner. Besides, he was pretty sure that his nan would actually kill him if he did anything but show Y/N the udder most respect.

That was only weeks ago, of course they shared some kisses here and there, he would pick her up for picnics, and dinner dates but being so caught up with each other talking about labels never came up.. but it was two people, best friends enjoying the company of one another.

Now she stood over Lenora’s grave watching Arvin’s figure disappear past the tree line, heart heavy with loss. Giving him time is what is best,  a few hours later she found herself knocking on the Russel’s door, a pie in hand. They considered her family of grieving with them but it didn’t feel right showing up with nothing.

“Grandma.” She presses a kiss to older woman’s cheek stepping through the doorway, “Did you eat anything? Want me to make some dinner?”

“all taking care of, maybe you could convince Arvin to eat though, he hasn’t left his room since.” Without a second thought she grabbed the plate from the table and made it through the hall way to Arvin’s room. There’s knock but there’s no answer, it quiet, something that is not familiar when Arvin’s involved.

Pressing against the door she opens it slowly, gripping the plate with two hands once the door is closed. “Arvin, you gotta eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” It muffled from how tightly the blanket was wrapped around him, hoarse from the throbbing inside of his throat. The whole room felt as if it was spinning, heavy eyes with irritated cheeks for the amount of times he’s wiped them.

“hey.” It’s a soft coo as she places the food on the stand next to the bed. “Look at me.”

The brown doe eyes glance up sadly, red with pressure, a ring of redness making it look like he hasn’t slept in days. “Do you need anything? I want to make this better Arvin.”

“I want you to leave.” He admits, pain twisting into his features. “I’m cursed, every single person I love has killed themselves, You’re it going to get caught up in my evil. First my daddy now my sister, who’s next?”

His breathing was increasing, growing with every word as his chest started to rise and fall. “I’m no good for anyone.”

She was stunned for a second, not ever seeing him like this. Of course, he’s always been a gentle kid with way more feelings then he would like to admit but watching the person you love totally break down into a panic attack was unsettling. Her fingers squeeze his gently, she’s here don’t worry.

“Arvin, that’s not true. You are not evil.” She frowns, without him even noticing managing to slip underneath the blanket wrapping her arms around his shoulders, face pressing against the swells of her chest. Fingers play with the soft brown strings. “What happen to them was an act -.”

“If you say God I might scream.” Arvin doesn’t fight the comfort, the softness of her breast, sweet smell of perfume relaxes him completely.

“I was going to say an act of themselves. You are not responsible for others choices, you can’t change what will happen.” Arvin doesn’t say anything else, he stews in the words.

“Now,” Soft pads trace his jaw, touching the highs of his cheeks to make his eyes meet hers. “I don’t want to ever hear any of that ‘I’m cursed’ bullshit again, it is not you. You are not evil and you haven’t lost everyone that loves you.”

Arvin doesn’t need anything else said, he knew exactly what she meant. All he could think was my best-friend, my lover, he pushes up from the bed slowly pressing his lips to hers. It was surprising but without a second thought her lips found his back, meeting in a slow, meaningful kiss. “Imma marry you.”

“oh that’s it? No asking me, nothing?” He rolls his eyes lightly, the first smile in days had graced his face, it was short lived but the sight made her heart flutter.

“ya see babe? I think you knew you were going to marry me the moment you laid eyes on me, always trying to make kissy face when we were younger.” He’s playful, something about growing up together makes it easy to be.

“well who’s making kissy face now?” Arvin’s lips meet hers once again, a subtle way to show his defeat.

A few days later despite how empty his chest felt he went back to work, mostly for the ambition of buying that shinny ring he promised. He was hoping in two weeks he’d have enough to ask properly, he wanted the prettiest one for his girl.

The sheriff stopped him a few day later, right when he was ready to go home, whispers of Lenora being pregnant out of wedlock but it didn’t make any sense. Why would she kill yourself over a baby? She would have all the support in the world, and would have made a great mother.

Then it hit him, who’s baby was it? The only time she’d ever spend was at her mother’s grave. Her mother’s grave and then the preacher… It all suddenly made sense. He felt sick to his stomach as he decided on walking home.. did he tell Nana? It would only break her heart more.

Walking past the cemetery he couldn’t help but notice the flashy, white car. He was about to give the preacher a piece of his mind before a girl no older then sixteen had climbed into the back of it, He couldn’t watch, he felt sick besides he had all of the evidence he needed.

The preacher had taken advantage of her, using God to trick her, and then not wanting to be shammed found a way to fix it. Lenora killed herself because she was afraid of the shame.

Tom slammed the door rather fast, walking right past the two most important women in his life in the kitchen and headed straight for his bedroom. The gun, he needed the gun that was in that stupid box under the bed.

“Arv? Is everything okay honey?” Of course she was here, why couldn’t you just stay away and make this less hard? It was so hard to make a decision when the voice of an angel would call him back to reality.

Killing the preacher meant breaking his promise to her, he wouldn’t marry her but run away, betray every word he said. Lenora deserved better, she deserved revenge.

On the topic of marriage it only made him face the fact that Lenora will never get married now because of that preacher and made his hands shake, tears of frustration run down his cheeks. His head was pounding from all the thinking, fighting with himself over wrong and right.

She enters without warning with a sigh, delicate fingers wrapping around him. “It’s okay, shhh.”

One more night with his love couldn’t hurt, one more night filled with comfort. After all the preacher wasn’t going anywhere. “What happened?”

“I’m fine darlin’,” Arvin wipes his tear filled cheeks, smiling sadly at her. Of course he wasn’t going to tell her, he had to convince her he was fine. “I jus’ miss her is all.”

“Me too, it’s not the same without her.” He nods in agreement wrapping his arms tightly around her back, pressing a soft kiss against her forehead. “I love you, and I don’t want you to forget it.”

“I love you to Arv.” Nothing else was said, she decided to stay that night with him. It was surprising.. sharing a bed with a man that is not yet her husband but after him begging it was hard to say no, especially in his time of grieving. Arvin wanted to hold her one last night before he slips away in the morning, and that is exactly what he did. All night held her, stole small kisses as she slept. Before the sun even reached the sky he was gone, but not before placing the small box on the night table.

It was nothing fancy, a small rock with a shiny silver band but it felt right since it rightfully belonged to her. The owner of his heart. With one last kiss to her forehead Arvin was gone but it would not be the last time they meet. Faith had other plans for the pair, their destiny had been written long ago.