#people calling german an aggressive language are so annoying

[borealopelta]

🐟

[drysaladandketchup]

hi! sorry you can absolutely delete this if u don’t feel like answering or anything cause this is kind of vent-y (?) and isn’t like… actually a question but i am SO annoyed at some hockey fans and how they decide to treat leon. i am german and i live in america and the way leon gets treated in fanfictions and hockey discourse gives me serious flashbacks on how i am treated here. ik leon speaks perfect english but i wish people remembered that that’s still his second!!! language!!! it’s not his native language!!! sometimes he will come across differently then he actually is!!! his words will get twisted and he will be misunderstood because it’s not his native language!!!! every time he’s described as pissy and arrogant and rude (in a genuinely rude way) a vulnerable german kid living in america dies… 😔😔😔 and then the mattdrai fanfictions (admittedly i have not read that many because im just a not a big fan of the pairing but it was one of the main ships that got me into the fandom) i just hate that he seems to be so villainized (?). i might be biased (i am) lol but i am soo sick of it rrrr sorry sorry this got way too long. you just spoke about it before so i felt like you might understand where i'm coming from. peace

Oh my dear anon, people continuing to personify Leon as arrogant, emotionless, and rude is becoming my villain origin story. I'm happy to vent alongside you. I have talked about this before, and it does still bother me when I see it. Because I'm biased too. I love this guy haha.

Just for context, I'm Canadian, born and raised, and as of yet haven't lived in another country where I've had to fluently speak a second language or adjust to a culture I was not raised with. So I am by no means someone who can speak on that experience. But I'm sorry you've faced that kind of judgment.

I've written my thoughts on this subject before, here and here, so I'll try not to rehash everything I've said in the past. But as you say anon, I do think Leon is woefully misunderstood. He himself has said he thinks he's misunderstood, and that he comes off as too direct at times, that it's, 'probably the German in me.' He speaks English perfectly well, very fluently, and he's been living in Canada so long it would be weirder if he wasn't culturally affected and adjusted in some way. But he's still very much German; socially, culturally, linguistically. You don't just lose one entirely just because you've been exposed to and entrenched in another.

Sometimes he says things that can come off differently in English than probably intended, or at least that are easily misinterpreted by a North American audience, but that's a far cry from being 'pissy', as he's been branded by fans and media alike (also as an aside even people speaking their first language get their words mixed up and twisted sometimes, so I think we should just cut everyone some more slack when speaking maybe?).

And look, admittedly I've called him bitchy at times in my tags, as a joke, because yeah like literally any other person on earth, sometimes he says or does something that is snarky or poking fun or off-brand humour. But that's not inherently bad, nor is it inherently German. That's just part of his personality, a singular behaviour in a singular moment. I don't genuinely think he's an angry or aggressive or mean person. I think he's literally just a human being with multitudes.

His occasional tone of voice or his sometimes blunt way of speaking or his sarcastic sense of humour--things that could at least in part be because of his being German but are also not at all exclusive to or ubiquitous among Germans--is why some people make him out to be this aggressive or mean-spirited person, but like... obviously that is not only not true if you pay even an ounce of attention to him beyond a few choice soundbites and clips, but it's also insulting in general. As you say, people assuming the worst of you simply because of differences in communication or expression is the farthest thing from okay. Insinuating that he's brutish or emotionless or rude because he's German is obviously bigoted. It's xenophobic. Not to mention, as you said, it just makes it that much harder for other Germans to approach this audience without fearing they'll be judged the same way.

Now, obviously I don't know the guy personally, I only know what of him is public, but he seems like the farthest thing from rude or standoffish or arrogant. He really isn't any different from any other player (skills not withstanding), but for some reason he doesn't seem to get the same leeway between his on-ice persona and his off-ice persona, or from one instance to the next. For some reason, he's held under this microscope and reduced to his 'worst' moments more than a lot of other players I've seen. He does anything without a smile on his face or makes even one joke or comment that's less than flattering (or falls flat due to language differences), he's immediately made out to be a bad guy.

And to touch on mattdrai, which I do love a lot--and it's okay if it's not something you're into anon, you don't have to justify what you do or don't like :)-- I've said before that I think Matthew and Leon aren't always written very true to life. And I totally agree with you that the issue I sometimes see with Leon's characterization is that he is written like he's arrogant and lacking in emotion (at least outwardly), sometimes even acting like some overly-aggressive bully, and that's just so far from the reality that we know. And yes, some writers, like some fans, actively point to the fact that he's German to explain that. As if that's just how all Germans are, by nature of being German. Which, as I said and as you know anon, is so many kinds of wrong and horrible.

Yes yes he does dumb things on the ice sometimes and he and Matthew (and others) have exchanged shoves and whacks and chirps over the years. But again, if folks watched literally anything with Leon outside of those moments, they'd know that those are incidents, not his whole personality. I'm not over here pretending like he's never done anything wrong or questionable or stupid, but who hasn't? He's not a villain for that. Just like he's not perfect. We're all human.

Oof sorry anon this response got away from me a bit lol. Sorry if this got a little off topic, but I am nothing if not someone who rants and rambles. This topic drives me nuts; I can only imagine how upsetting and frustrating it is for you, as a German living in America.

But my ask box is always open for venting <3

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hi hi hi hi hii!! Can you do Tom Kaulitz with Polish male reader or gn reader? Your decision. There's like zero fanfics about Polish readers, it's usually Mexican, Korean. Maybe Tom visits his s/o in Poland for a couple of weeks and it's all cute, like Tom tries most of the traditional food, pierogi for example. And Tom never heard his s/o talk in Polish so when he did he was like *wow😯*. And reader also know how to bake so they make sernik or cheese cake(I think it's the same thing?) Or just cupcakes, so yayyy cute happy couple.

Love ur fanfics, pookieeee!! 💙

(Hello! So sorry this took so long and I saw your other requests and I feel bad for not responding, DW they're still in my inbox I was just being lazy. But enjoy!)

Tom K. x Polish!Reader

I feel like you being from Poland and having an accent was what drew him to you at first

Obviously later on it was personality and who you are but just you being from somewhere else was cool and hot to him

I mean he and Bill have both said that they like people from other countries/places

He could listen to you talk for hours

Was the one to start playfully copying your words in Polish just because he wanted to annoy you

That or he learned curse words in Polish just to call people assholes or bitch in another language

*Cough* Georg *cough*

But then he would be picking up Polish quite a bit

He also has you teach him to get words and sounds right even if they were the easiest ones on the planet

Just because he likes seeing you and hearing you teaching him

If that makes sense

He could listen to your accent go on and on for hours on end

No matter what language because he is just addicted

But what he did not expect in the beginning was for Polish to sound sorta aggressive

He was caught off guard for a moment when he first heard it, staring at you like

"What did I do?!"

Especially if you're yelling at someone man he is by all means be supporting you but by afar

He don't want to be caught in the crossfire

One time he walked in on you arguing with Gustav

And he couldn't even tell what was going on by all the screaming in German and Polish

He was standing there dumbfounded and fled before anything could turn to him

But even sometimes just talking sounded aggressive but he learned your mannerisms for when you're actually mad

So he knows the drill know babes

Hw loves learning more about you, your background or your family

Everything is just so cool and new to him, and he would especially appreciate it if you also did the same with Germany and his culture

He indulges in your culture 100%

Your family is now his family from the times he sneaks up to visit y'all

Or sometimes just them because he likes seeing your mom and your siblings

Him and your dad surprisingly get along, considering how most dad's get along with their sons boyfriends

He literally loves cooking and baking with your mom

He may suck at it but man does he gossip with your mama

But he does try his best when with you

Mainly with your mom he's sitting on the counter, kicking his feet and talking as he hands her ingredients

But with you he likes to impress you by cooking your cultures foods

And when he tries he can be absolutely bomb at it let me tell you

He had never heard of the dishes before, especially tasted them so he was genuinely happy when they tasted to good

He stole so much and was eating it the whole time

He just loves spending time in poland with you, learning your language and culture, and hearing you talk

He's so whipped let me tell you

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Taglist: @billsjum6ie @bigbootahjudy @ilovebill-and-gustav @r3dheadedw0rld @kiwitsune @V4mpyboyy @novaaisstupid @billybabeskaulitz @yas-v @iischafer @dilfverz @ahswhore0 @graciegizmo3184 @sweetpuffy12 @80s-tingz @ryiana @yuriayato5 @bunnysenpai31 @banshailey @bellastoner420 @victryzvv9 @stxngnr @killed-kiss @stilesandjames

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

Panic

"The start of the war in September, 1939, and the signing the month before of the Hilter-Stalin Non-aggression Pact provoked panic within the Canadian population. Among the first steps the King government undertook in response to this panic was harassing and arresting communists, who were charged with specific offences. The second, major panic occurred after the fall of France in June, 1940, and the ignominious escape of the British Army via Dunkirk, in France. Britain’s most important ally now was Canada. During the second panic, communist organizations proved useful targets, so they were made illegal, leading to the internment of communists and sympathizers. 

There were also more informal, expressions of panic that occurred across the country. Locally, for instance, on June 21, 1940, shortly after France surrendered to Germany, two Hull men received sentences under the Defence of Canada Regulations (DOCR). Roland Schryer, 18 years old, from Laurier Street, received a month in prison for having declared that he hoped for  German victory. Paul Séguin, 39 years old, from Saint-Rédempteur Street, also expressed  hope for a German victory, and characterized the English “… d’un terme particulièrement  vulgaire et méprisant,” (… with language that was particularly vulgar and hateful), for which he was sentenced to three months in prison. The two men were charged for having  made declarations that violated DOCR regulation 39.

The public panic also corresponded what came to be known as the ‘fifth-column’ issue, after Hitler’s easy victories in western Europe. ‘Fifth-column’ was a specific reference to the Spanish fascist dictator, Francisco Franco who, when successfully marching upon Madrid during the Spanish Civil War with four columns, claimed that he had the support of a fifth column within Madrid itself. Hitler’s blitzkrieg victories were achieved with the help of rightist elements within defeated countries, such as Quisling in Norway. Thus, fifth-columnists were dangerous elements within the country that had to be rooted out and suppressed. In Canada, there were mass meetings, often of veterans, in  the spring of 1940, aimed at enemy aliens, fifth-columnists, saboteurs (whatever these might be), fascists, and of course, communists. In Vancouver, two rallies in May of 7,000 and 5,000 people demanded that the federal government organize veterans to assist police in fighting espionage and sabotage. They also enjoined the government to bar enemy aliens from employment in government , municipal services, or key industries, and to fire enemy aliens already employed therein. In Calgary, 9,000 demanded internment of Germans and other measures aimed at fifth-columnists. In Windsor, Ontario, 3,000 veterans called for mass registration of all Canadians, and internment of all enemy aliens. In Toronto, 50,000 veterans on June 9 demanded that the government put the country on a total war footing. On May 27, 7,000 gathered in Montreal to hear that all potential suspects should be arrested.

Organizations qualified as ‘sixth-column’, aimed at suppressing fifth-columnists, popped up around the country. In Quebec, the Civilian Protection Committee, comprised of veterans, policemen, soldiers, and businessmen, started making vigilante-like anti-communist sounds. In Ontario, a similar group, the Legion of Frontiermen, benefited from support by right-wing Tories and by provincial Liberals in the Hepburn government. 

Canadian communists eventually proved to be among the sixth-columnists most annoying to authorities when they started identifying fascist elements active in Canada, as Fred Rose did when he exposed fascist currents in Quebec. A most amazing example of the sixth-column phenomenon occurred in Saskatchewan, where rioting veterans attacked German and Ukrainian facilities. Then, in a period of just three weeks, 7,500 World War I veterans and Canadian Legion members were organized in the Saskatchewan Veterans Civil Security Corps, to help the RCMP and municipal police forces fight subversion. The men were grouped into platoons, companies, and battalions, and regularly undertook shooting practice and military parades, including in some rural areas where there was no police presence. The mission of the ‘silent column’, as it was called, was to protect against subversive activities among the large German population of Saskatchewan, as well as among other Europeans. With such an objective, it is easy to understand that membership of the ‘silent column’ was mostly English-Canadian.

The para-military fever distressed the government and the RCMP, who were being  told by some of the Canadian people, in effect, that they were not doing their job in light of the war. The RCMP demurred; after all, they were the professionals who best knew the real enemies of Canada. Even though the targets of the sixth-columnists were amorphous and imprecise, sixth-columnists did represent a broad slice of Canadian society: right-wing Tories and Liberals, military veterans and policemen, businessmen and labour union leaders, CCFers and communists.

Although the RCMP and Justice were scarcely impressed with sixth-columnists, some officials did use their information, as when Norman Robertson, responsible for ensuring control of fascists in Canada, consulted with communists such as Fred Rose in order to learn about fascist operations in Canada. One of Robertson`s useful sources about fascism among Italians was an enterprising newspaper journalist, a leftist editor named Antonio Spada, who published Italian-language newspapers that were the focus of anti-fascist activity among Montreal  Italians. Nevertheless, J. F. MacNeil, deputy minister of Justice opined to Robertson with a rather surly and racist comment about the utility of Spada’s information about fascist activity among Italo-Canadians.

Spada, in my opinion, is not any more reliable than the other Italians who are imbued with the spirit of the vendetta.

The main target of the RCMP and Justice against the left was always clear. The activity of sixth-columnists aimed at the Germans greatly distressed Mackenzie King, who was the MP for Prince Albert, an important, German centre in Saskatchewan. Even more annoying was the  criticism by Hepburn Liberals and right-wing Tories in Ontario. In the War Cabinet  meeting of May 22, 1940, King complained that Canadian aid provided to Britain meant that Canada was no longer able to ensure the defence of the country’s shores, nor its internal social order, especially in light of the fifth-column and sixth-column agitation. It would be necessary to increase the size of police forces, and to create an internal, military force to defend Canadian territory. 

Finally, in June, 1940, the King government responded “by taking the assault on subversion under official, federal auspices.” On June 5, King’s government banned fascist and communist organizations. On June 18, it announced national registration as per the National Resources Mobilization Act; two months later, the registration was fait accompli. By March 1941, the RCMP and military  systems of fingerprinting and security screening had been greatly expanded to cover one Canadian out of five. The fifth-column crisis was over, and the King government appeared to be in control of the situation once again.

- Michael Martin, The Red Patch: Political Imprisonment in Hull, Quebec during World War 2. Self-published, 2007. p. 116-120

[never-surrender]

HEADCANON: Aubrey has a service dog!!! what is it for, you might ask? For her hearing loss and anxiety! Bailey is a german shepherd that was partially trained by her very best friend in the whole world, Ozemir ( @cordiibus ), and Aubrey obviously takes Bailey almost everywhere. There are times that Aubrey wants to give her a break, depending on how much she’s been working Bailey, but typically that’s when she’s going out with somebody she knows she can rely on, somebody that knows her conditions.

So what are some of Bailey’s tasks? I’M GLAD YOU ASKED!

Hearing alerts: So Bailey has a variety of hearings tasks that she alerts Aubrey to. So should they be home and somebody knocks on the door, Bailey will go and alert Aubrey by pawing at her in some way or hopping up to place a paw on her hip. The same is true should her phone ring (Aubrey finds that one a bit more annoying at times so when she’s feeling particularly overstimulated she’ll put her phone on silent (...and then probably forget where she put it but I digress)). Now when they’re out and about? Bailey knows to alert Aubrey when her name is called by pushing on Aubrey’s hand with her nose. Some of the time, Aubrey can figure out when people are talking to her just by Bailey’s body language alone, and can look to the person and focus enough to catch half of what is said but sometimes that’s not the case.

Anxiety: so Aubrey stims and a lot of times as her anxiety worsens as she’s in a situation that she’s not comfortable in or she’s beginning to spiral as her ability to process sounds deteriorates, her stimming will grow to be more aggressive as well. She’ll tend to pick at her fingers until they bleed, and its Bailey’s task to push her way in once she senses this and essentially offer herself as a method of Aubrey’s stimming. Aubrey is more mindful of her actions when its on other people / her hound so her stimming won’t grow to be harmful in the slightest, and tbh there’s so much fucking fur there on a german shepherd that it’s next to impossible for Aubrey to hurt her without like ... full on yanking as hard as she could (she’s not very strong).

So what is it with Aubrey that she requires these services and tasks? She’s deaf in one ear and suffers from tinnitus in the other! So there are many times if she’s not focusing on you directly in a crowded area, she isn’t going to hear you at all. And then, with her ADHD, it only adds to how quickly she can be overstimulated in a crowd of people.

[touchmycoat]

OP!Anon for Leverage!HX/LQG: *SCREAM* oh I adore how you wrote this - HX is so good at reading everyone and understanding how to motivate/manipulate them, except for lqg. I love how angry he got at the idea of lqg seeing him in the same light as swd, and also how lqg's just like, yep, swd's gotta die when he heard the full story. I love the idea of HC coming in like the king he is and laying down the law about XL. ahhhhhhh!!!! just imagining hx and lqg getting close after lots of shenanigans!

teamwork baby

"Xue Yang must die" is literally one of my favorite WWX quotes of all time LMFAO time to pay homage

so you know how in book 3, during the Black Water arc, HX is there trying to push his whole scheme forward? It's well-timed, well-thought-out, but the only fucking spanner that keeps jumping back into his work is XL-and-therefore-HC? Yeah I imagine working with grifter!HC is pretty much like that. He's always late or never shows up at all to briefings, or he shows up to the very end to hear the conclusion and goes "Nope, that's fucking stupid, change it." SQQ's like "Why??" and HC's like "oh, lil boy can't figure it out?"

and whenever they have an actual plan going, HC sometimes just shows up and starts doing his own thing in the middle and forces HX to keep up. This is often motivated by one of XL's jobs, and XL would ask if HC knows a little piece of intel, and HC would be like "oh you know what, I actually have a hostage right here to ask about that, one moment please :)" and utterly prioritize XL's thing. HX has to change the job on the fly so many times, and it's so fucking annoying, but it's not like HC leaves him at a dead end, so he always does find a way out.

(this got fucking long, but HX/LQG under the cut)

Bingliushen are also annoyed as fuck, but while they're godtier at their own things, none of them are mastermind-level (yet—Binghe's gonna get there, isn't he), so they just have to put their faith in HX and keep chugging forward. This is how the foundation builds, y'know? HX insists to both others and himself that he's being honest and faithful to his team because that's just the best way to handle them, not 'cause he's actually a team player and not 'cause he cares for anybody at all. And LQG's a simple guy—you save my life, I'll save yours. You act in good faith, I'll be loyal in turn.

It starts with something small. HX's suffered tremendous loss, and has been on his own for a very, very long time. He's used to taking care of himself, but we all know LQG's love language is "here, you dropped this. I've been quietly paying attention to everything you like and do, no big deal." So maybe it happens on a mission. HC has three marks to dupe in succession, and they're playing a nasty Big Pharma group, so it's hitting close to home for HX. At the last minute though, HC says over the comm, "the CEO & CFO made me. Must've recognized me from speaking to the secretary earlier. He Xuan."

"Can you still do the COO?"

"I'm not about to waste this outfit, am I."

and HX has to hop in and do 2/3rds of the grifting himself, which is fine, he's completely capable of this, he's a goddamn prodigy at hiding his murderous tendencies. but out of nowhere LQG is on the line, "Shen Qingqiu, you said you can hack the finances, right?"

"Yes, but nothing else."

"Then He Xuan doesn't have to talk to the CFO. Give me 2 minutes, I'll knock him out."

and HX doesn't stop him because sure, why not? It was more efficient for HC to do three of them at once, but now that it was HX doing it (and HX still has his own part to play), it would save them more effort if LQG goes for the blunt force solution. But it rubs HX the wrong way—what the fuck? Yeah, HX may not like grifting as much as HC, the stupid drama queen, but hasn't he proven himself every bit as capable of it? Why did LQG think it necessary to, what, bail him out?

So that night, after debrief, HX pulls LQG aside to give him a piece of his mind. "Don't ever try to override my judgment again." "What are you talking about?" "I made a call, I did not need your 'help' on the grift." "That wasn't help." "Then what was it." "You hate talking to guys like that!" "???" "You didn't need to talk to him, and I was right there. It was the obvious thing to do."

and HX still doesn't get it, not until the next day, when SQQ and HX are quietly setting up for the morning, and SQQ says out of the blue, "that's just how he cares. Liu Qingge, I mean. It's never an ego thing once he's your friend."

"I don't need friends," is HX's automatic response.

"No," SQQ snorts in agreement. "You need revenge. That's fine. Then I'm sure he'll get over it."

Which—okay—no? Bastard. That's just a passive aggressive attempt at a guilt trip, and it's not going to work. HX has already made it abundantly clear from the get-go that this was simply a job, he was the pointman, once they were done everybody will go on their way. It's not his fault SQQ dragged in a hitman with the loyalty instincts of a german shepherd, and it's certainly none of his business whether LQG treats him as friend or a colleague.

LQG will just have to be disappointed.

BUT OF COURSE WHAT GOES ON TO HAPPEN IS THAT HX sees more and more of the things LQG does, the ways LQG manages to be thoughtful. The way LQG handles visitors during HX’s mealtimes despite how much LQG hates talking to randos, bc HX has bad food days and can’t really stand eating with others. The time they had some time to kill undercover in a consultant’s office, and HX passed the time by pointing out all the things wrong with the office’s mini-aquarium set-up, so when SQQ brought up something inane about decorating their headquarters, LQG made HX draw up specs for a saltwater tank of their own. HX and everybody else kept insisting it was a waste of time, but LQG still went ahead and got it made anyways, and now it’s HX’s favorite thing in the entire HQ.

But HX wasn’t about to owe anybody anything. If LQG insists on this game, then fine, HX was going to play to win. He requisitions new toys (read: weapons) for LQG, he builds heists around the sole purpose of giving LQG a room of satisfying bad guys to beat up, he goes to the gym and spars with LQG, he even tries to give LQG’s weirdly famous younger sister’s novel a read—which was a lot. Ahem. But LQG loves his younger sister, so surely this would be the ultimate “hah! I’ve given you more than you’ve given me! I win! move.

...turns out LQG’s never read the damn thing, and just takes everything HX gives him in total stride. “We still on for tomorrow?” “...Yes.” “Cool. See you.” And HX’s over here totally overthinking EVERYTHING while LQG’s just chilling, super matter-of-fact.

Fuck, were they friends???

HX rage-panics, because he does. not. need. friends. And it has nothing to do with how everyone he’s ever loved dies, it has nothing to do with the careful balance of vengeful fury and self-hatred inside him that’s about to tip over any day now, once they take down SWD. It has nothing to do with HX being too traumatized and grief-stricken to imagine moving on from revenge, to ever imagine being simply content again.

His eating habits get worse. One day he snaps at LQG for pining so much after SQQ. “You already know he’s never going to return your feelings. It’s embarrassing to watch you insist on giving so much when he’s not going to give anything back.”

“Shut up,” LQG snaps, “it’s not about getting anything back.”

But that makes it worse. Of course HX wasn’t actually talking about SQQ, though sure, that’s annoying too. LBh obviously knows, so why can’t they take their infernal flirting somewhere private, instead of flaunting it in front of LQG all the time?? But the fault’s with LQG too, what with all the giving. He should find someone more worthy of his affections and stop wasting his time here.

HX cuts everything he and LQG has built up in one fell swoop—completely gives him the cold shoulder. Only ever talks about work, no more dry quips, no more infodumps on niche hobbies. HX wishes he could destroy the tank at HQ, but that would be way too confrontational at this stage.

Until one mission, when LQG knows HX is not in a good place, and keeps trying to argue HX out of doing something excessively risky. HX rounds on him and says, “you’re just a hired gun, so shut up and shoot where I'm pointing, or you can pack your things and get out.”

LQG goes red, then white, and storms away.

“Nice sucker punch,” HC comments idly where he’s lounging on the side. Who knows when the fuck he showed up. “Right where it hurts.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know. His five-year stint with the Sha City Demons?”

Of course HX knows about that. He’s looked thoroughly into everybody’s backgrounds. But what does that have to do with this?

“Gege is the best at this, after all. See you and I, we stopped asking questions once we knew the name, because we don’t think people are ever as pure and good as they pretend to be. But you know what Dianxia said, after I mentioned Liu Qingge’s old gig to him? ‘Five years, hm? I wonder what they had on him. In my experience, men like Liu Qingge don’t work for crews like the Sha Demons. And in order to sink their claws deeper into men like him, the Demons always make them do the worst jobs.’ Just a hired gun indeed.”

That’s right. LQG gets a Moreau backstory of his own. HX feels his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck.”

“I don’t know why you’re so stressed out about it. He is just a hired gun—”

“You know why. Fuck.”

“So get out of my face and do something about it already. You know where he’s gone, I know you’ve put trackers on your entire team.”

“...”

“You didn’t? No, you didn’t put one on him? My god, you do care.”

While HC’s busy sounding disgusted, HX is reeling. He just sent the best hitman in the field packing, and was an absolute dick about it. He was not a kind man, but he also wasn’t a cruel one. He believes in fairness, and everything he said simply had not been fair. It had all been his own guilt and issues talking; if he really didn’t give a damn, then he wouldn’t have...done all this.

“How much are you willing to pay?” HC says, swiping at his phone.

“What?”

“Because I don’t trust any of you, and did put a tracking device on Liu Qingge.” He sure has—HC is waving the loading tracking app in HX’s face. “So I’m asking, how much are you willing to pay?”

...And that’s the reason why HX owes HC so much damn money.

[crystal-moon-101]

My redesigns for this popular trio!

The Secret Generator 10 (Or Celebrity Trio but that doesn’t really work for me because of Zak...) I’ve been meaning to get around to doing this, since I am really fond of these three boys. With Zak and Rex both being part of my top two shows of all time. Sorry Ben....

-Zak Saturday-

He was the most fun working with. His warm colour palette isn’t something I work with often, but I think I did alright. He also as some small details you might notice, like the fangs, eyes and scales.

Notes:

14 Years Old

5′5 (Will only grow to be 5′8. Which confuses him since both sides of his family have very tall genes. Ulraj pokes fun at him, saying all that height is going towards his ‘Kur Form’)

Dead on the inside.

Aggressively Pansexual

His human side has been growing reptilian features. Noticeable fangs, scales growing around his lower neck, around his chest and upper back/shoulders, pure orange eyes with pupils that can become thin slits and a slight forked tongue. 

Even also displays some reptile behaviour. E.g, soaking up sunlight on a rock, alert nature, able to stand still as a statue. (He’s done these things since he was young. His parents just thought it was something he picked up from Komodo.)

The light that forms around his eyes when using his powers have darkened the skin around his eyes. (Suggested by my friend)

He is oddly thin and lanky, but it’s often hard to see because of the baggy clothes he wears.

That being said, he’s a lot stronger than you think he is. Can easily lift people twice his size.

Constantly has to get new hair ties. They keep breaking because 1. Every time his powers cause all of his hair to flow, the tie snaps. 2. Working out in the wild, it keeps getting snagged by tree branches or slipping off when he tumbles downhills.

While quiet and casual outside of battles, he will become a lot like his mother on the field.

Has freckles from his maternal side. His mother doesn’t have them, but Doyle does.

Will casually mention his ridiculously and scary adventures like they’re nothing, not because he’s bragging, but because he truly doesn’t understand what normal really is.

So use to being grabbed by the scruff of his shirt that he will always go limp when you grab him like that, much like a baby animal. 

While he can act very eerie and strange, he’s a very sweet and understanding guy. 

That being said, he can be hella scary when he wants to be.

Don’t mess with his family or he will send an army of Grootslangs to your house.

Still trying to figure out his placement in life and what Kur was really meant to be.

After being taught by his family and uncle, he went to Tsul 'Kalu to be his new mentor.

-Rex Salazar-

I think I changed him the least, but I added extra details and made his shirt, pants and shoes into a one-piece suit. It always baffles me how he can pull off this colour scheme so well.

And while I didn’t draw it here. I would definitely make his pure EVO form a lot smaller. Make him come across more like a monstrous zombie robot thing. The reason why is because those EVO forms he had just felt like they belonged to different shows, like transformers. A more creature design would fit better, I feel.

Notes:

16 Years Old

6′1 (Will grow to be 6′5. Yeeeeeee, he’s a big guy.)

Lady killer~

Best wingman and even offers pretend dates to help you.

Can always hear and feel the technology around him. Strange to everyone else, but he’s learnt to live with it. Even comes in handy when trying to find a good wifi connection.

Knows when to cut the bullcrap.

He does have a bit of a science brain, but he uses it differently than his family had.

Constantly jumping between worlds. Sometimes even tossed by someone.

Talks in his sleep, mostly reciting nanite binary coding.

Lonely lad and child solider, great mix, right?...

Goes all out with holidays. He once, somehow, got real snow in Providence. No one knows how to this day.

Hates lightening.

Has nearly called Holiday and Six mum and dad multiple times.

Has a lot more abilities he has yet to discover. (Including turning people EVO.)

Never asked for any of this, but, eh, what ya gonna do

Is always overexcited when doing normal things. (Werids out Noah a lottt.)

You’re endangered if he decided to use his full raw power. (Key signs to look out for is a large amount of circuit patterns covering him, glowing eyes, tips of his hair glowing too, sharp metal growths and technology around you flashing like crazy.)

Loves Imagine Dragon.

Sharp eyelashes.

Just wants hugs, give him hugs!

Always frustrated when someone from his past tries talking to him about the past. Sometimes he wonders if people forget.

Skilled drawer and smooth singer.

Has an EVO pet (Her name is Siri, Btw)

Some have compared him to being a living, breathing nanite. 

Eager to have family game nights! “Poker doesn’t count, Bobo...”

Once had a malfunction, his whole body was out of wack. (Noah laughs about it and even has some recordings, much to Rex’s dismay.)

Has a civilian outfit that Noah put together. (He refuses to take off his goggles, however.) 

-Ben Tennyson-

Now, I already made a redesign for him, along with Gwen, Julie and Kevin (Both for teen and kid versions). I used the same look, just adjusted some details and colours.

Notes:

15 Years Old

5′9 (And he stays that height. He peaked in height very young, but stop growing quickly. This does annoy him.)

Dumbass with bad impulse control.

Even he’s confused by how he keeps attracting women.

Had a rather lonely childhood with many bullies. (It’s why he often seeks attention, he’s afraid of being alone and forgotten again.)

It’s also what made him jealous of Gwen when they were young. Most treated her like the better of the two.

Pretty crap at sharing his feelings. He would rather play it off as a jerk, then go and drown himself in smoothies...

A secret momma’s boy. “Benny Bear” As his mother likes to call him.

Has an interesting dynamic with Azmuth. Despite their arguments, they balance each other well. Others have even seen them taking care of each other (Almost like father and son), but the pair will always deny this and say it’s ‘strictly’ professional.

 Surprisingly great with kids. (This was truly noticed when seen around his 14 baby chills.)

In the future, he will have a nasty wound on the battlefield, which will result in the Omnitrix becoming his new arm and merging with him.

When he takes thing seriously, you know shits going down!

Has a german shepherd name Boston.

 Likes to call Vilgax ‘Calamari’.

Has grown to be close to most Tennyson members. (E.G Camille, who was actually his babysitter after she joined the family.)

He doesn’t like peacocks after...an incident at the zoo. His mother still apologizes to this day.

Decent singer and very skilled at the guitar. 

Has picked up combat moves from Tetrax.

Has always felt like he’s nothing without the watch. Others have said otherwise.

He knows how to speak certain alien languages, Galvan being one of them.

His schedule is a nightmare, because something is always popping up that involves him. This means he sometimes forgets to eat, sleep or even wash. It’s why he’s often caught napping.

Sometimes wonders if he’s human or alien at this point, maybe something else entirely. 

Very soft poofy hair.

Is hated by almost all his villains. He just loves pissing them off.

[recordsstraight]

Aubrey has a service dog!!! what is it for, you might ask? For her hearing loss and anxiety! Bailey is a german shepherd that was partially trained by her very best friend in the whole world, Ozemir ( @cordiibus ), and Aubrey obviously takes Bailey almost everywhere. There are times that Aubrey wants to give her a break, depending on how much she’s been working Bailey, but typically that’s when she’s going out with somebody she knows she can rely on, somebody that knows her conditions. 

So what are some of Bailey’s tasks? I’M GLAD YOU ASKED!

Hearing alerts: So Bailey has a variety of hearings tasks that she alerts Aubrey to. So should they be home and somebody knocks on the door, Bailey will go and alert Aubrey by pawing at her in some way or hopping up to place a paw on her hip. The same is true should her phone ring (Aubrey finds that one a bit more annoying at times so when she’s feeling particularly overstimulated she’ll put her phone on silent (...and then probably forget where she put it but I digress)). Now when they’re out and about? Bailey knows to alert Aubrey when her name is called by pushing on Aubrey’s hand with her nose. Some of the time, Aubrey can figure out when people are talking to her just by Bailey’s body language alone, and can look to the person and focus enough to catch half of what is said but sometimes that’s not the case. 

Anxiety: so Aubrey stims and a lot of times as her anxiety worsens as she’s in a situation that she’s not comfortable in or she’s beginning to spiral as her ability to process sounds deteriorates, her stimming will grow to be more aggressive as well. She’ll tend to pick at her fingers until they bleed, and its Bailey’s task to push her way in once she senses this and essentially offer herself as a method of Aubrey’s stimming. Aubrey is more mindful of her actions when its on other people / her hound so her stimming won’t grow to be harmful in the slightest, and tbh there’s so much fucking fur there on a german shepherd that it’s next to impossible for Aubrey to hurt her without like ... full on yanking as hard as she could (she’s not very strong). 

So what is it with Aubrey that she requires these services and tasks? She’s deaf in one ear and suffers from tinnitus in the other! So there are many times if she’s not focusing on you directly in a crowded area, she isn’t going to hear you at all. And then, with her ADHD, it only adds to how quickly she can be overstimulated in a crowd of people. 

[vikinglanguage]

for the asks: #s 4 6 8 9 10 & 11!

4. How old were you when you first started learning a second language? What language was it?When I was 9, I started mandatory English in school. Even before that I knew a few very basic phrases, and I distinctively remember telling my mum “I love you” when I was like 6, and her saying “I love you too”, which then stuck with me.Even before that, my sister taught me to say “me llamo Amalie” and “¿cómo te llamas?”, when we went to Spain when I was 5 years old, but that was the only Spanish I knew from ages 5 to 15.

6. What’s something you have a hard time expressing in your target language(s)?Oh, like, everything. My primary target language is currently German, but I’m also keeping Spanish in mind here.I think what really frustrates me about language is that I generally just really don’t enjoy small talk. Like, to me a good conversation is about culture, politics, linguistics, literature, things I find interesting. And I just never get to a level where I can talk about those subjects, because I NEED to have a certain base level before I get to that. In order to conjugate verbs and remember to use the right definite article I need to practice it, but I’m just not interested in repeating sentences like “sie sieht den Vogel” or “tenía cinco años”. Unfortunately that is a stage I need to pass before learning more complex vocabulary, because first I have to start utilising the vocabulary that I have already.Yes, I know that as someone learning on my own, I am very much in charge of which order I learn things in, but I think that really, my main problem is that I have yet to find an order that fits my needs.I’m just so god damn annoyed that I can’t seem to figure it out, because clearly I must’ve gotten something right when I was learning English, especially after ages 12-13.

8. Are you a grammar snob in your native language(s)?Somewhat. While I largely think that the grammar rules should be adapted to fit a language as it currently is, there are just some things that annoy me. And I will correct people on those things, if I know that it’s an opening to poke fun around grammar or other language things, or just to exasperate my mum.For an example, in Danish we have the difference between “hans/hendes” and “sin”, which I think is a really good an useful difference, that also plays nicely into the concept of “sig”, and I would prefer to preserve that as part of the Danish language. Likewise, I think it’s a great shame that a word such as “hin” (an old word equivalent to “that” (actually I guess somewhat like “yon” or spanish “aquél”), nowadays we just use “den” for both “this” and “that”)However, I will never correct the grammar of someone who has made it clear that they might struggle with grammar for whatever reason, or really, just anyone whom I don’t know that well and didn’t ask for correction. Unsolicited grammar advice sucks, unless you’re gently bullying your sibling or Austrian flatmate.

9. Language pet peeve?I have so many, most of them related to Danish. A lot of them are just people not being able to, you know, speak.-saying hångklæde instead of håndklæde or promade instead of pomade-using syntes and synes interchangeably (syntes is past tense of synes)-messing up hans/hendes vs sin-people saying et hamster instead of en hamster-people who say that meme is intetkøn, because fuck you its fælleskøn and I do not take constructive criticism.-people who claim that “English is actually one of the hardest languages to learn!”, shut up, you barely have any grammar worth speaking of and your sentence structure is so straightforward it’s almost laughable. Sure, the spelling is awful, but have you seen Danish? Have you HEARD French? If you speak a romance or germanic language I very much doubt that English is hard.-PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUN OF THE ACCENTS OF STRANGERS. SHUT UP. AT LEAST THEY’RE TRYING TO SPEAK YOU’RE LANGUAGE WHICH IS PROBABLY MORE THAN CAN BE SAID ABOUT YOU.-people from the south of Spain. Stop that. There’s an s there. Please say the s. I beg of you. It’s right there. Spanish is supposed to be easy to pronounce. THE S IS RIGHT THERE.-when someone claims I’m not pronouncing a Danish word correctly because I don’t speak what would be the Danish version of RP.-generally people thinking dialects are bad (nb: yes, there’s a lot to unpack with pet peeves and dialects vs. the “correct” version of a language, i know, i know, i know)-people who think I’m being aggressive because I don’t use emoji’s when texting-people claiming that text can’t even come close to conveying emotion and meaning in the same way that speech canI could probably make this ten miles long if I wanted, but I’m gonna have to call it quits here.

10. What’s your opinion on learning dead languages?I think it’s so fucking cool. Hebrew was a dead language until someone thought to revive it. I say it’s time we bring back Punic. Or something. Idk, I think learning dead languages is a really interesting concept, seeing as the insight it gives into long gone cultures and just the concept of speaking a language that NO ONE is a native speaker of? win. Who’s to say you’re wrong? The scholars? Were they alive in 200 AD, I don’t think so.

11. Who is one person (famous or not) that is a language-learning inspiration for you?Both of my parents, as well as my sister. All three speak fluent English and are somewhat conversational in German, and my mother can somewhat get by in Spanish, Italian and French.My Austrian flatmate who of course speaks German (both standard and her own western Austrian dialect WHICH IS VERY DIFFERENT), English, has good French comprehension and is well on the way to learning Danish.I hate to go on and on about MIKA on every single one of my blogs, but MIKA, being fluent in English, French and Italian (arguably Spanish, depending on who you ask), having picked up Italian just like, along the way. I really like the fact that he writes texts not just in English, but in French as well, and, as of more recently, Italian.Following that thread, I appreciate people who write pop in their native tongue. Not everything has to be English, I mean Denmark won Eurovision with Dansevisen because it was A GOOD SONG. Not because anyone knew what the fuck the text was about, but because THE MUSIC was good. Also I cried on the bus the first time I listened to Elsker Dig Mer by Oh Land, because it just hit so much harder than Love You Better. Why didn’t the hard rock barefoot fire Hungarians win ESC 2018? Evades me.

[master-sass-blast]

Whole list for Ellie, pls!!!!

Can diddly do, darling! Going under a cut, because again, Longe.

What is their favourite food: Mac and cheese. Cheesy potatoes. Pizza. Really, any combination of cheese and carbs.

Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal: She’s not a fan of seagulls. Stupid fucking sky rats.

What do they wear to bed: Whatever. Actual pajamas, leggings and shirt, t shirt and gym shorts, whatever works.

Do they like cuddling: Yes, but she doesn’t initiate much after losing her family due to dealing with the trauma from that.

Do they have a secret handshake with anyone: She has one with Leo that changes every time they do it. It mostly exists to annoy Zach.

What do they look like: Ellie is a Very Petite, 13 year old girl, with pale skin, a round face, round, dark brown eyes, a button nose, pouty lips, and stick straight, pitch black hair. She’s too cute to be a mini-vessel of anger and murder.

Do they like chocolate: Yes. She loves chocolate. She’ll straight up eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Frank nearly has a coronary over her dietary habits, but he doesn’t have room to complain because he eats stuff straight out of a can with his Ka-bar.

What are their good and bad traits: Ellie is innovative, creative, and determined, but also aggressive, headstrong to the point of being difficult to work with, and steps past a lot of rules in order to “experiment” with different ideas.

Do they have any artistic talent: She plays the violin and eventually winds up taking dance classes and theater classes with Leo as a way to “keep her brain happy” (at the suggestion of David), but that’s about it.

What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in: Once Ellie, Frank, and Karen finally settle in a house? The dining room. They all spend the most time together there.

Do they believe in luck: No. There’s coincidence and probability, but luck in and of itself cannot be scientifically proven. Besides, luck is for people who don’t believe in effort.

Can they do magic: Real magic? No. Sleight of hand magic? Also no.

Do they believe in dragons: As a possible, past existing creature? The common media depictions had to come from somewhere.

What is a pet peeve of theirs: Being talked down to. She can’t stand it. She’s smart, she knows she’s smart, and she will be spoken to as such, thank you very much.

What was the last thing they cried about: In the order of the story? Being adopted by Frank and Karen, though she does get weepy over losing her family (as is natural).

What is their sexuality: She’s a babby gay, and later identifies as a lesbian when she’s older.

Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend: Leo Lieberman. They bond while Frank helps David keep an eye on his family, over their mutual love for academics and learning things, and from there they’re just... *crosses fingers* like that.

Have they ever been in a romantic relationship: Yes. Ellie and Leo do wind up dating (once they’re older, which probably won’t be covered in the story, but their mutual interest is hinted at).

What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect: Before her biological family’s passing, she was closest with one her four brothers, Andrew, who was closest to her in age at 21. She was relatively close with her other siblings, save for her sister, whom she is heavily estranged from. Her biological mother died when she was two, and her biological father abused her by exploiting her intellect and mutation set for his own gain, but it takes Ellie a while to recognize that. Post being adopted by Frank and Karen, she’s closer to Frank due to having spent more time with him, but she still loves Karen dearly.

Do they have a pet: In the “good ending,” they get a black and white pitbull named Oreo.

Do they have a familiar: Still dunno what that is, so no.

Are they a supernatural being: Nope.

How do they usually wear their hair: Ellie’s hairstyle changes throughout the story/series. It’s longer at the beginning, then she shaves her head when Frank does (because she asks and he figures there’s no harm so he helps her shave her head), then grows it out longer on the top like he does in S2 of the Punisher, then wears it as an angled bob for S3 of Daredevil, and by the end of the story it’s about shoulder-length again. Eventually, she settles on switching between on longer on the top, shorter sides and the angled bob as her favorites.

Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play: The violin, and she plays just about anything on it.

What type a high schooler are/were they: Ellie graduated high school at the age of nine, so... yeah.

Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won: Several. It comes with the territory with being Frank’s “sidekick.” She wins most of them, though does take some notable loses to Billy Russo and Agent Pointdexter.

What is their favourite holiday: Halloween. Hands down.

If they could have one wish, what would they wish for: She doesn’t necessarily believe in wishes, since they usually create various paradoxes.

Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more: She’s too young to consider having kids during the story, but when she gets older she decides she doesn’t necessarily want any.

Do they have a job: She’s thirteen, so no.

Do they know how to drive: Yes. Her biological father made a point of teaching her how to handle just about any vehicle or craft.

Do they get stressed out easily: Not really. She has her snapping points (being talked down to, people she cares about getting hurt, etc), but all in all she’s pretty easy going.

Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it: She dyes it magenta when she’s sixteen with Karen’s help and LOVES it.

Have they ever broken the law: Yes. Many times. So many times.

Do they own a plant: Ellie and Frank both fall into the category of “would kill a plastic plant, somehow,” so no.

Have they ever rode a horse before: No.

What is their favorite gif: Don’t have an answer for this, so pass.

Do they get along with others easily: Not really. Ellie can run the end of being argumentative and superior, so she can be difficult to get along with at times.

Do they have any tattoos: Nope.

If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly: She has to look like the most innocent, adorable, non-murdery teenage ever. Round face, button nose, big, round eyes, pouty lips, whole nine yards. Very pale skin, very dark hair, very dark eyes.

What is their favourite breed of dog: Ellie hasn’t met a dog she didn’t like.

Do they live with anyone? If so, who: Frank, at the beginning of the story, and then Frank and Karen at the end.

Where is their dream vacation: Ellie traveled a lot when she was younger due to her biological dad’s line of “work,” so she’s seen good chunks of the world. She’d probably enjoy going back to France or Iceland the most, though.

Do they know more than one language: Yes. Ellie speaks English, German, Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish, and Arabic fluently, and is conversational in French and Italian.

Are they a quick learner: Extremely.

Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win: Not really. Her biological father had her more focused on studying as much as she could, so she didn’t enter any contests growing up.

If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with: She’d stick close to Frank, Karen, Curtis, and the Liebermans.

What does their room look like: In the “good ending,” Ellie’s room is painted shades of purple and blue, and has a desk with a chair, a dresser, and a double bed in it.

If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have: Probably a Dodo bird.

If they got called out by someone, what would they do: Argue with them. Ellie’s “flight mode” was replaced with extra fight.

Have they ever shot a gun before: Yes.

Have they ever been axe throwing: No.

What is something that they want but can’t have: The ability to kill the worst billionaires of the world and redistribute their funds to those who need them, and that’s only because there’s no way to do that without getting caught and getting other people in trouble.

Do they know how to fish: No.

What is something they always wanted to do but too scared: Scuba diving.

Do they own their own baby pictures: No.

What makes them standout among others: The way she speaks. She’s very intense in her voice and how she talks, which draws a lot of attention.

Do they like to show off: Yes. One hundred percent. She likes the praise.

What is their favourite song: It changes, but one of her consistent faves is “I Love It” by Icona Pop.

What would be their dream vehicle: Stealth bomber jet.

What is their favourite book: Percy Jackson series.

Who, in their opinion, makes the best food: Karen. Frank eats MREs like they’re going out of style.

Are they approachable: She looks it, but she doesn’t talk it.

Did they ever change their appearance: Yeah. She goes through a few phases of figuring out what style suits her best as she grows up.

What makes them smile: Dumb jokes, making Frank, Karen, and Leo laugh, and fail compilations.

Do they like glowsticks: Sure. Who doesn’t?

What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile: Seeing/talking to Leo.

Are they a day or night person: Night.

Are they allergic to anything: Nope.

What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them: She’s a spitfire, and she challenges Frank to come out of his shell more.

Who is their ride or die: Frank, Karen, Curtis, and the Lieberman family.

Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one: She and Leo date when they’re older, but that probably won’t be featured in any of the stories.

What attracts them to another person: Intelligence, humor, and willingness to question rules, ethics, and morals.

Who is one person that can always make them laugh: Leo Lieberman.

Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home: No.

Who would be their cuddle buddy: Leo is her first go to, but Frank and Karen also step up when she needs/wants it.

Who would cheer them up after a long day: Probably Frank, Karen, or Leo.

If they had a nightmare, who would they run to: Frank or Karen. They understand having the types of nightmares that she has.

What object to the care for the most: A phone built for her by her deceased brother, Andrew.

Do they like other people’s children: Eh, not really.

How would they react if someone broke into their home: Kill the intruder.

Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach: Leo Lieberman.

What is something that they are good at: Aside from her innate talents, she’s good at crossword puzzles.

What is their neutral expression: She looks like an adorable woodland fairy.

Do they like to cook: Not really.

What is something they can’t leave home without: The phone her brother built for her. It has access to her family’s private satellite network, their stores of information and blackmail data, and their private bank accounts.

Who is someone that they rely on: Frank. Ellie relies on him for protection (despite her abilities, she’s still thirteen) and companionship.

Do they liked to be tickled: Only by Leo.

Have they ever been a sword fight before: Yes.

What is a joke that they would find funny: Any dumb pun in existence.

Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain: The Lieberman’s house. She really just gets to be a kid there.

What was their childhood like: Kinda tragic, considering her family’s death and the abuse she took from her biological father and sister.

What are they like as an adult: Ellie comes out well-adjusted, all things considered. She does land in the anti-social personality disorder spectrum, but she’s high-functioning and can blend in with society, for the most part. She does wind up picking up the Punisher mantle when Frank retires, citing that “someone needs to purge the city of its scum” as her reason.

Do they take criticism well: If it’s well founded? Sure. If it isn’t? Absolutely not.

Have they ever jumped out of a plane: No.

Who do they like to make jokes with: Frank, Karen, and Leo.

Have you ever drawn them before? If you are comfortable with it, would you post a picture: I have, but I don’t have anything of her I want to post yet.

[sasslightertm-a]

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

[diaryofacrazyprofessionalfangirl]

About the “Italians are POC” discourse

So I’ve seen a whole mess on Twitter because of a thread about Ariana Grande. I’m not going into detail about her, just rant about a side of it because I’ve also seen some ignorance sparked from that side of the thread.

That side of the thread was about her skin colour, more specifically it said that she used fake tan to the point that it could be considered blackface. Now, some people agreed that she was using too much fake tan, while others said that because she’s of Italian descent she tends to tan way faster than other white people.

This opened a whole section of comments about Italians, I don’t know if you remember the ‘Italians are poc’ debate from a couple of years ago, but it’s basically happening again.

I’m gonna give you my 2 cents:

tl;dr: some Italians are poc, some are not - Italian indicates a nationality and doesn’t refer to any specific skin colour in particular - in this essay I will

Now, full explanation for that:

So, I think some people are confusing nationality with skin colour: your nationality does NOT define the colour of your skin. Usually the people who say stuff like “you’re [insert skin colour] so you don’t belong here” are the close-minded and the racists, so if you’re reading this with such a mindset you came to the wrong place.

For this we also have to talk about how these issues are perceived here in Italy, it’s not the same as in the US so when speaking about Italians you should consider our point of view and not apply yours to us (I don’t mean it in an offensive way, but I can’t find other words right now, so I apologise if this sounded aggressive or offensive).

If you were born and raised in a certain country, that’s your nationality no matter where your parents are from. Example: Italian-Americans who were born and raised in the US are generally considered American, unless they know Italian culture and the language well and stayed in Italy for quite some time. In the second case, it’s more acceptable for them to call themselves Italian; in the first case, they know basically nothing about Italy, or very little anyway, so they would not be really well integrated in our society because of the different culture they absorbed.

As for racism, it’s no surprise it exists in Italy as well, since it’s still present in every country. You can see it online in particular, just look at some comments under posts made by pages of famous newspapers that talk about immigrants. Not all Italians are racist, obviously, but white privilege definitely exists in the Italian society too. For example, if you were a 2nd generation kid from non-Italian parents you’d be more likely to be integrated if you’re white, some 2nd generation pocs still get a lot of hate and some people tell them they can’t be Italian because of their skin colour.

Some of you may have heard about the immigrants situation in Europe, mostly Southern Europe and more specifically Italy (since we’re talking about Italy): you hear a lot of “go back to your country” or “immigrants come to our country to steal our jobs”, which is in contrast with “immigrants stay in 5-star-hotels and get a daily allowance without doing anything” that is also said a lot.

I would say there’s also colourism: for those of you who are not familiar with this term, it’s a form of discrimination based on the shade of your skin. This means that the closer to white your skin is, the better you have it. This is not just about black or white, but for example between 2 black people the one with darker skin would be more discriminated than the other with lighter skin.

So yeah, there’s still a lot of discrimination against pocs in Italy and for 2nd generation kids it’s not easy to be accepted as Italians and to be integrated - it’s getting easier though, because more young people are realising people are just people and nobody should be discriminated against for something they cannot control.

A clarification about skin colours: in Italy having what you call an “olive complexion” is common, but not everyone has it. Some people are really pale, but people with an olive complexion are considered just as white as the pale ones.

I am aware of the fact that Italians were not considered white enough by the US during the first emigration waves, this is why they were discriminated. WW1 and WW2 didn’t really help, because a lot of propaganda against Italians was made. It’s understandable, since Italy was with Germany and Japan against the US, and this actually contributed to all the annoying stereotypes there are about Italians. The propaganda forbid to speak the “languages of the enemy” and also concentration camps were created people of Italian, German and Japanese descent, because even if they were naturalised there in the US they weren’t trusted because they “would side with their country and betray the US”.

(this was somewhat digressing but at least now you know something more)

Historical facts about Italian emigration waves: people from Northern Italy moved mostly to South America, while people from Southern Italy are the majority of those who moved to the US. Back then Italy was also more rural and more people worked in farms for several hours a day under the sun. Now in Italy it’s quite easy to get tanned in the summer, there’s a lot of sun especially in the South, so if you put tanned people in a context of stronger colourism it’s understandable why Italians weren’t deemed to be white but actually poc and how this “Italians are poc” debate originated.

However, this debate shouldn’t even be there in 2019, since you can see many Italian people having different shades of skin colours. Besides, if you’re reading this you have an Internet connection, which should allow you to look up on the Internet the fact that the term “Italian” refers to one’s nationality and not to one’s skin colour.

Quick conclusion in case you’re lost: there are both white Italians and Italian pocs, you can’t use an adjective that indicates a nationality to define a skin colour.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

Side note: to the user who tweeted that Italians wanna feel special and call themselves Latinxs, SAID NO ITALIAN EVER???? I read on Twitter that some Italian-Americans do call themselves Latinxs, but Italians from Italy don’t. Some people don’t even know the connotation “Latino” has: in the US it’s used to indicate people from South and Central America or of that descent, whereas in Italy if you say Latino you’re referring to the Latin language, which was used in Ancient Rome and from which all the Romance languages originated. So no, Italians don’t call themselves Latinxs, tone it down because the tone you used was quite aggressive.

[inkstaineddove]

A German’s Guide to Romance

Pairing: GerIta

Characters: Germany, America, Britain, France, N. Italy, Prussia

Summary: After the events of the Buon San Valentino strip, Germany's still very much confused over his feelings for Italy. Luckily, Prussia knows the best nations around to help him!

Germany sighed and leaned back in his chair. He was wondering why he bothered talking about this at all with Austria and Prussia. Ever since he’d stopped speaking, the two of them had been giving him very amused looks. 

Roderich rose up. He was biting his lip to prevent himself from erupting into laughter. "I can't believe how dense you are. Gilbert must finally be rubbing off on you." He began putting his coat on. A snort escaped him. "If you honestly don't know what Italy means by all this still, there’s no hope for you. I'll be heading home now." With a flip of his hand, the be-speckled nation left.

"Does he not remember that he’s been free loading off us since the eighties?" Ludwig muttered before sighing. He wasn't sure if he was relieved by Austria leaving or upset. His brother couldn't be of much help, though the younger nation believed the other to be some sort of womanizing, sex god. That had to count for something more than for the usual familial idolization, right?

Prussia snickered. "You're such a dummkopf, West. Seriously, I saw that book you were reading. You don't read relationship books - those are for old, divorced chicks! Especially cause Hungary had some of those before I got back in her pants, suck it prissy boy!" He started in with his cackle. The German sighed once more. "That has nothing to do with anything! You're supposed to be helping me with my problems, not talking about who you've screwed!" Gilbert rolled his eyes. Couldn't he just lighten up for once? If Gilbert wanted to go on a tangent while giving his brother love advice, then just let it be! "Ja, ja. Just get the stick out of your ass. Obviously, I can't help you with the closeted gay problems you're having. Me and my aggressive heterosexuality don't do that. I can get you to the gayest guys I know though." "I never said anything about needing to come out of the closet!" At that point, it didn't matter what Germany may or may not have said. Prussia had made his mind up, deciding that this is what his brother truly needed. So he called up all his best friends and figured out the specifics of the meeting place. --- France was standing by the curb, ready to greet the pair as they got out of the car. "Mon ami! And his lil bastard brother too! Ah, so good to see both of you!" Ludwig's mood went from his usual level of displeasure to beyond aggravated in less than a second. "I'm not pouring out my feelings to this man!" Gilbert just shoved his brother into the Frenchman's home. "Nein! You're gonna talk and listen to him because I'm tired of you moping around the house! Only I can do that." Francis closed the door once the brothers were in and sat down on the love seat, his glass of red wine returning to his hand immediately. "Moping? Non, that's no good! Oh, already you remind me of Gil throughout that little union of the past and Toni before we got Romano to calm down." He put his hand to his chest dramatically. "Almost as bad as these two. Non. Worse than those two." These two referred to a very confused looking America and Britain, who were sitting next to each other on the sofa. Britain put his crossword down and glared at the two offending parties. "Why the hell would we be helping Ludwig? I thought he hated the three of us." Alfred laughed and kicked his feet up on the table. "Speak for yourself, dude. Germany and the Germans love me. Right bro?" "Nein. Not since you were spying on Frau Merkel." The German in question crossed his arms, looking more agitated by the second. Prussia raised a hand to cut the two off from an inevitable argument. "Fight later. You're all here today cause you're pretty gay and almost as awesome as I am. So almost-awesome that you're giving my bruder love advice, and by that I mean totally how to bone the Italian." He smiled and finger-gunned at Germany, who only felt his soul shrivel up more inside. Arthur and Alfred jumped up. Both were arguing against the Prussian's accusations. They weren't gay! They were completely straight! How was it not obvious? France sighed. "Aside from trying to get Marilyn Monroe and being married to the original Queen Elizabeth, have either of you been with a woman? Or ever been interested in one?" The two grew quiet immediately. After five minutes, America was the first to attempt to explain himself. "I totally would've gotten Marilyn if it wasn't for Joe DiMaggio...and Marlon Brando...and J.F.K...and the rest of the Kennedy family at least once." Meanwhile, the Briton besides him was glaring at France. "So? What does that have to do with anything, you Frog? Francis and Gilbert shared a look before shaking their heads. "Angleterre, all I'm saying is, the two of you are together and engaged to be engaged - what a horrible phrase, non? - while also having only been with one woman each." Prussia smirked. "I'd also like to remind the limey that he dated my boy Francis for a few decades too. Then went back to trying to destroy him." After patting his brother on the back, he turned on his heel and exited. "Later losers!" France pat the seat besides him. He tried to smile in a way that wasn't forced and appeared friendly, but it just turned out looking rather creepy and sent a red flag to the Germanic nation. "Have a seat." As soon as the words came out, Ludwig was on the floor. He sat with his legs crossed under him like a kindergartner. "Danke, but nein. The floor is just as comfortable." And less likely to feel me up, he thought with a grimance. The quartet sat in uncomfortable silence for awhile. Germany didn't know what to make of the other three. He wasn't close to any of them and didn't really feel comfortable pouring his heart out. He just wanted to go home as quickly as possible. It was America who would be the one break the silence. And, in typical fashion, he decided to speak the first thing that came to mind. "Seriously dude. Why the fuck would you wanna get in Italy's pants? Wouldn't you, like, break him?" This cracked France up. He could barely stay in his seat, almost spilling the contents of his drink all of over himself. This was one of the best things he'd heard all week. "Amèrique," he sighed once he regained the ability to talk. "You can't just go around asking people if they'd break their boyfriends. Otherwise you'd have to ask me that about dear Mathieu." There was a deadly silence. Alfred narrowed his eyes at his 'friend’. "I'm kicking your ass. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's gonna happen." Germany cleared his throat before this could escalate any farther. Though it did make him feel better to know that the two of them acted like this outside of meetings. It no longer seemed like a front to annoy him and the other focused nations. "I honestly don't know why I'm trying to do this. This stupid relationship book told me to and I didn't know how to react. It was red roses! Red roses, he didn't understand, but I understood..." He drifted off until he was muttering to himself. All three of them shared looks. It was the silent consensus that Germany was finally beginning to lose it. If it wasn't so pathetic, it would've been hysterical. Arthur got up and went towards Ludwig. He knelt down in front of him. "Get a grip, man. Red roses aren't as big a deal as you're making them." He scoffed. "My God, who even stoops so low as to read self-help novels?" He turned to Francis and shrugged. "He's beyond our help." Francis quickly rose. "Non! It is never too late to save a poor soul. Allemagne, do not listen to that cynical bastard! I speak the language of love!" He twirled around and threw rose petals over himself and Germany. "You will get the boy whether it kills me!" "Dear Lord, please let it kill him." Arthur looked up at the ceiling and prayed aloud, arms extended skywards. France kicked him in the back and scowled. "Filthy limey," he muttered under his breath as he picked Germany up. Germany, for his part, looked utterly horrified at having the Frenchmen become his guide in love. He'd much rather have Russia show him the secrets of friendship and worldwide popularity than this. Now to make matters worse, Alfred was jumping around in excitement. "Dude, we're gonna hook you up! You got the love dude, the total fucking hero, and...well Arthur's pretty good in the sack so that counts for something!" Arthur massaged his temples. "Oi. Please can we just get this over with? I want to forget this day ever happened to me." The German smirked. "Ja, you can say that again." He slouched down on the now deserted couch, running his hands through his hair. He decided that he was only doing this for Prussia's sake, so his brother could feel useful for once. He'd just pretend this was all good advice and go home. America beamed. An idea had just come to him. "Yo! You should totally do what I did!" Once he saw that everyone's attention was turned onto him, he continued. "Just wait till Italy gets himself in a war, gets his ass kicked a bit, and save his fucking ass cause you're the hero! Fuck yeah, U-S-A!" The three Europeans glared at him. Of course though, he didn't pick up on it. "What? That's how me and Artie got together, ri-" "Fuck off, you twat. I didn't need your help." For good measure, he flicked the now obviously confused nation off. Britain turned to Germany. "Ignore him.” He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. Britain smiled, appearing much calmer than he did a moment ago. “Ask him out on a date. That’s the easiest way to go about this. Don’t waste your time reading the subliminal messages in flowers when you could actually, and this might come as news to you, ask him about it yourself.” Ludwig groaned and began rubbing his temples. "I already did that. I wound up giving him a bouquet and proposing. He was crying, our waiter was about ready to be institutionalized, and my whole brain shut dow. I don't even remember what happened after that." He looked up. Everything about him showed how ridiculously weary he was of the situation. This was a battle that couldn't be won. He wanted to surrender. "I refuse to go through such hell again." France chuckled. "Oh, you Germans are so emotionally challenged." He flipped his hair and smiled. "You don't propose on the first date! You propose on the twentieth! Everyone knows that! No wonder your Italian lover had a meltdown." He laughed, a bit louder than what was called for. "You're still very much at square one. You must first let your feelings be known. Ridiculous to pursue anything unwanted." Britain laughed without any humor. "Then why did you try to force me into a marriage?" America turned at Francis, ready to lunge. "What the hell?" Francis brushed them both off. "It was because the Euro and my economy weren’t in a good spot, calm down." Germany sighed and stood once more. "You better hope this works. Or I swear, I'll..." He shook his head. "I'll probably give up. Ja, that's exactly what I'll do." Without another word, he walked out of the home and began his journey to Italy. Maybe this time, he'd finally find out what his friend-lover-companion-thing truly meant. And maybe he might just walk away happier. Ever the pessimist, the German doubted it completely. --- Italy sat outside his home, lazing in the warm sun. He had just woken up from his second nap of the day. The peculiar cat that always seemed to find its way to him was now lying on his chest. "Ciao, lil' guy! So good to see you!" He smiled while petting the kitten behind its the ears. Germany stood a few feet back, practically shaking. He could do this. He'd been through worse things, he'd seen things unimaginable. Confessing his feelings wasn't that hard if he thought about it. After thinking about it for asecond or two too long he decided that no, it was actually somehow worse. He shook the negative thought out of his head. It was now or never. "Italien!" He bellowed. "We need to talk right now!" Feliciano jumped up and the cat went running into the house. "Schieße," Ludwig muttered under his breath. Not even five minutes in and he'd already managed to mess it up. Might as well turn back... "Ve, Germany! I haven't seen you in forever!" The peculiar nation was already grinning. "Sit down, have a tomato! Big brother just brought them home from Spain's!" Hesitantly, Ludwig did as told. He even took a tomato, despite Romano glaring at him through the blinds. The older Italian mouthed curses at him. That eased Germany up and even got him to smile. If Lovino was being his usual irritable self, things couldn't be so bad here. "Say, Italy. Do you think France's opinions are...credible?" He leaned back on one hand. This answer would depend on whether he went through with the plan or not. "Si! Big Brother France is so wise! And nice too! He's always bringing me wine and food. Last time I saw him, he was even giving me advice on you!" He swallowed hard on his bite of tomato. "A-And? I hope it was all good things. We're supposed to all be allies now." He mentally kicked himself for saying that. He concluded that had to have been one of the dumbest things he'd ever said. Everyone in Europe was allies now. Italy knew that as well as he did. "Ve, it was real nice! He called you some weird thing in French and said I just had to deal with you can only express feelings like that of an emotionally constipated old man. Whatever that meant." Veneziano laughed. "He's such a weird guy." Germany couldn't help laughing at Italy's description of the other nation. "Ja, weird doesn't begin to cover it. I actually saw him today. Along with America and England an-" "How were they? I haven't seen America since the last meeting and he seemed really stressed. Something about Republicans and the Midd-" "You shouldn’t interrupt!" The Italian began panic-crying. Germany freaked out a little. Did it really come out that harsh? He was only trying to correct the other. "I-I'm sorry. I just wasn't finished yet. As I was saying, I bumped into those three arschlöcher and you came up with a bunch of other things." "Really? You were talking about me? Aw, Germany! I didn't think you did that kinda thing!" His smile turned into a grin. Ludwig felt a blush spread throughout. He tried to play it cool despite this. "Ja, well. I do...somewhat...really...like you?" That was a pathetic. If he was getting to this point he might as well just spill it out. "That was actually why we were talking because ever since that tomato ring and flowers incident where I don't think I'd ever wanted to suddenly drop dead more, I've been thinking about you and red roses and everything." "Roses mean that much to you? Ve! I'll have to start buying you more then!" "Nein! Uh, I mean nein. It's good for just Valentines. Which happens to be the holiday of love! Wow, what a coincidence!" Italy cocked his head to the side. Germany wasn't scaring him. But he was definitely confusing him beyond the usual amount. "Ludwig, I feel like you're not telling me something. What's bothering you?" The use of his human name threw him off. It was something he preferred the other nations didn't use often. Hearing Italy say it made him know that the other was seriously interested in this. For God's sake, his eyes were even open for once! The Germanic nation looked down at the ground. "Ich liebe dich." The words came out rushed and jumbled, not even sounding like separate words. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Ich liebe dich, Feliciano. I know for you that might not mean anything, but I don't go around saying it much. I barely even say it to my own bruder - which is a problem for a different day. I mean this with all my heart." He looked up at the other nation, who looked completely shell-shocked. He sighed. "Forget it. I'll get going. Guten Nacht." Germany stood up and dusted the grass off his pants. He turned with every intention in his mind to never speak to another Italian or set foot in Italy ever again. Prussia could deal with this part of Europe for all he cared. After walking ten yards, he heard someone running after him, calling out his name. Ludwig stopped, completely frozen in disbelief. Small arms quickly went around his waist and squeezed him as tight as they could. "Germany! Germany, don't leave yet! You didn't even give me the chance to respond! I love you too! Ti amo! Ti amo anch'io! Please don't leave!" Germany felt some tears soak into the back of his shirt. He turned around and looked at Italy, his features softening in compassion, concern, and a strange sense of happiness. "Why're you crying? I tried not to yell as much this time." Feliciano sniffled and smiled. "No, no. It's just my first love, he did what you were about to do. He left after saying he loved me and I never saw him again. And it scared me because you two look alike and...and I didn't want to sit back this time and watch you go." He looked up, into his love’s eyes. "I don't want to lose you now." Germany smiled. He was on cloud nine despite this confession. "Feli, I promise I will always be here for you. I will not disappear. Whoever it was who left you like that is a coward. I don't know much about this sort of stuff and I don't know how to do any of it-" this got him a laugh and a feeling of encouragement. "-but I know I will never have you go through that again." In response, Feliciano wrapped his arms around Ludwig's neck. He pulled the taller nation down to his height and kissed him. Germany's body, tense and frigid at first, quickly warmed up and began learning how this sort of thing worked. Meanwhile, on a bench a few feet away, England and America handed over the equivalent of twenty euros each to France. "You see those two? Just how you two started out. And look! I was involved in both. Ah, go me!" Germany quickly pulled away and glared at those three. "You've got ten seconds to get your sorry selves all the way across the Atlantic!" "Party at my place, dudes!" Alfred said as they immediately ran off. 

Germany smiled down at the man in his arms. "Does dinner out sound good tonight?" Italy grinned. "Si, it sounds perfect." Germany finally got back what made him a happier man for those three weeks. His Italian who made up for whatever Ludwig lacked in. He was whole.

[davidjjohnston3]

Time and space seem so vast; I remember descriptions of the Pacific in 'All That Is' although I had been meaning not to talk about that novel or descriptions of the pine-trees in 'The Old Capital' or a scene I 'fancied' where after the sinking of the MV Sewol ferry and mass-drowning of high school young people in 2014 my 'dolls' went to Lake Baikal and Arkangelsk in Russia to basically play Penitent Magdalen together.  This novel that I had called 'Flowers on Water' which is too light and poetic and later focused on the poem 'Flowers 1881' about the shortcomings of Christian missionary orphanage-education of non-white students in Western America might never get written but I feel the Almanac from whence this poem and some still horribly relevant critiques of assessment-methods and the burdens laid on teachers remain relevant to this day.  Although, that said, 9 months is way too little for both students and teachers and makes especially the latter morally worse IMO; which is why despite much I'm still dreaming and daydreaming about Seoul Language Institute, Korea Poly, Avalon, Bovinus Daejeon, Little Socie Cheongju(?), Alto, maybe Kumon, and much else as these are healthy and edifying at numerous levels.  Though, online ed. might be best for many girls in Gen. Alpha, whose profile profoundly depressed me though old ppl always say stuff like that; and in the era of long Covid where classroom ed. is a risk to all. I am upset and disappointed in myself as well as in Milwaukee and my parents (mom screaming 'winter is coming' as if it had been GoT, a show I refused to look at, that sounded her to her highest note), for sinking in to or indulging itself in 'the condition of fiction' which is neither truth nor lie though idiots and fags and perpetual adolescents want to mine Cultural Studies for infinite insight and to keep sinking back in to childhood by night, presumably b/c they don't have a good marriage or any marriage or any friend I don't even know.  Maybe it's a characteristic of Millennials and I am, like KJ Park used to talk about, in the Lacanian 'Mirror Stage' with someone or something (whereas in past Milwaukee had been in 'Symbolic Stage' or 'passive-aggressive').  He also said 'the Real Stage is d/Desire' which annoyed me since I just wanted to marry w/in my putative profession and get a domicile someday and wasn't interested in taking over CN via edubusiness.  I didn't even want to touch Deleuze, Lacan, CG Jung or anyone like that again.  Marie Lee's on about Rilke on Twitter which reminded me of understanding the 'pulse' of the elegies after I saw a picture of somebody by the sea long ago and eventually relating it 'This Burns My Heart' which I also consider problematic in a kind of Updike vein &c.   I'm trying to make peace with everyone above and lateral, 'my new old family.'  I cannot understand why so many are so casual or triumphalist or flip or trifling haptic(?) when they could die at any moment.  Iron the Rapper died in Korea and he's about my age although I never beat my girlfriend or bragged about being a baller nor did I (knowingly) collaborate with massive homicidally abusive bullies....I was going to drive up to Bethlehem College and Seminary in Minneapolis (or Twin Cities?) kind of just to pay my respects if not to ask for advice in book-burning and how to engage with, confront or witness to 'wolf-child gay sex rape Asian girls' YAL of the day.  I had all these ideas about Millennial identity, the days I listened to 'Fields of Gold' in 2002 then again in 2015, self-sex-trafficking, self-gaslighting, refusing to be saved from oneself.  As Utada Hikaru said in 2004 'She goes out unprotected / Reality's her best friend' though that's a totally self-contradictory statement from what I can tell and still remember the days, pace 'Fall and Rise' in a way, when the NYPD carried [German SMG] and wore body-armor in the wake of 9.11 at the old Penn Station, and Mexican Catholics in Brooklyn had really clean houses and people weren't all asking for a bit more for theirh neighbor or trying to secularize Christianity pace Kamala Harris and Man's terminologically annoying but super-obvious worldwide mental North Koreanness right now.  John Piper's constantly - as he has to - saying 'Don't Waste Your _.'  I used to say 'saving _ from themselves.'  Are people in America being insane on purpose, like the cops are all out of shape and have no good dogs while schizo ex-Marine war-criminals and b/Black gangsters with AK-47's have souped-up illegal automobiles and civilians all over Shorewood have these huge Alsatians etc...'Most necessary 'tis that we forget / to pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt' ~ from my favorite speech in 'Hamlet' though I guess the world will never work this way at least w/r/t/ 'How Easter Became April Fools.  I wish I had time work on 'Pollen' and 'Clover' but it is 'the condition of fiction' in a time of war or cold war and writing of future history.

[titriwrites]

Enthusiastic Fighting – One-Shot

A/N: Tadaa, here it is. Let me know what you think, please? And if you want on/off the tag list.

“That freaking bastard,” Steph whispered to herself, closing the Youtube video she just watched. “Tom Hiddleston, you stupid git.” Did she really just watch her boyfriend complaining about her during an interview? Well, not knowingly complaining for the public, but she knew exactly what he’d meant with his answers.

She didn’t actually believe the message Luke – Tom’s publicist – had sent her half an hour ago, saying, “Tom told me about your fight, he just didn’t tell me he would actually speak about it. And I promise the flirting wasn’t as bad as it looks in this. Sorry!”

“Von wegen, sorry,” Steph grumbled to herself in German. She tended to do this, especially since her boyfriend decided to do something stupid like this. Living in London for almost five years hasn’t changed any of that.

Yes, they did have a fight. Yes, she maybe said something stupid, but Tom had been getting on her nerves. She loved him, dearly. Two years into the relationship, and basically living together – though, they hadn’t made that official, she just had most of her stuff at his place, slowly placing decorative pillows everywhere – didn’t change that. In fact, it only grew, as boring and disgustingly cute that sounded. But goodness, he was overbearing at times. She loved him being enthusiastic, she really did. Whenever she had a stressful day or an argument with a customer, she knew she could come to Tom’s flat and he’d tell her about his jog in the park or how the lady in the bakery had a new recipe for something. He could talk for hours about that.

But being a freelance journalist for a living also meant that sometimes she couldn’t just sit there listening to Tom talk. Not when she had an article with 3,000 words to finish and another one waiting to be written. They weren’t Pulitzer price worthy and they wouldn’t cure the hunger in the world, but she was proud of her columns, or whenever a newspaper asked her to do a piece. Of course, sometimes it was just a little one-hour-meeting, plus taking a picture, no permanent editor had the time to attend, but Steph was happy she was considered to cover the jobs. Especially, not writing in her first language.

So, that scenario occurred the day before. It’d been a Wednesday, and she had to finish two articles by the next day. Steph had been typing away, being in the flow of writing some nice piece about the local theatre group spanning people from 13 to 74 years old. She loved the interview she’d done, and the pictures she’d taken, but she just hadn’t been able to concentrate before. But then it’d been flowing, and she’d been in a writing mood.

Tom had bought a new electric torch. It’d been a stupid thing to fight over, she knew that now. Hell, she’d known it yesterday. But it wasn’t the fact he’d bought it, they were fighting about. He just wouldn’t. Stop. Talking. Abut it. Not for at least 30 minutes. He was literally babbling away while trying to show her how it could send messages in morse.

“Tom,” she’d sighed, annoyed, when the light fell into her eyes for the second time in five minutes.

“Yes, darling?” She’d heard the grin in his voice, he’d definitely knew what he was doing.

“Could you maybe stop trying to blind me?” They’d been sitting in his office for about an hour, her polishing her article, Tom first doing some kind of research on the internet, then getting the torch he’d told her about and then proceeding to annoy the hell out of Steph. She considered herself to be a funny person, she really did. In fact, they both laughed a lot. Together or at each other. But enough was enough.

“But I’m doing code practice.”

“Code practice somewhere else then.”

“Ha, but there’s no one there to appreciate the message. You just have to pay attention.”

She’d looked at him then. He was sitting opposite her, on the comfy looking (and actually being) sofa. Torch in hand, flicking the little switch to make signals, he smiled brightly at her. He’d had a free day, preparing for interviews for the upcoming Ragnarok promo, but not doing much else. He’d been bored, and Steph had known. She should have shut her mouth then.

“I’m paying attention to my work, Tom,” she’d said. “This needs to be finished by tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

Five minutes later she’d been insulted – yes, insulted – by a constant stream of sometimes fast, sometimes slowly blinking lights.

“What the heck are you doing?” Steph hissed.

“Still practising. I’ve just learned another sentence. Watch.” She’d watched. With a raised eyebrow and narrowed eyes she’d sat on her chair, watching.

“Tom, shut up.”

“I’m not saying anything, that’s the whole point of this.”

“No, seriously, Tom. Stop it. Go somewhere else, outside for all I care. I don’t have time for this. It’s like I’m saying this to an overexcited five-year-old. Go out and play and take your torch with you. I can’t concentrate.”

Tom had blinked at her. The he’d opened his mouth, closed it, and blinked again. “Sorry,” he’d muttered, switched off the light, but hadn’t left. Instead, he’d opened his own laptop and seemed to concentrate on that.

Silence. No light. What a blessing. Except for when he’d closed the laptop, the silence was interrupted once more. This time, by his voice. “You know what, missy?” he’d said, “You had no right to talk to me like that. I get it, you’re stressed. But calling me an overexcited five-year-old? No. no way.”

“Did you just call me ‘missy’?”

“I did.”

“Well, don’t.”

They’d stared at each other. It’d been stupid to even consider the idea of fighting about something like this. But neither one of them had been able to just keep their mouths shut.

“You know what, Tom? I won’t apologise for calling you a five-year-old, because you were. I get it, you get bored with nothing to do, but I’ve got a job to do. I’m not calling you when you’re on set. I get it. And I love that you get excited about things. But honestly, maybe try not to?”

“Well, sorry for trying to make you smile and relax. Won’t happen again.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Oh, come on, you’re not actually pouting, are you?”

“You know, when your girlfriend tells you to shut up, it’s not the best feeling. Sorry for having this face.”

“Yeah, well, I also told you to leave, didn’t do that, either,” she’d muttered.

“You don’t tell me to leave in the house I’ve paid for. If you want to get away from me, be my guest and go to your flat.”

Steph had seen when he’d realised his mistake. But before he’d even opened his mouth, she’d closed her laptop and had stormed past him to the door. “I’m going to the flat I’m paying for, then. With the money I’ve earned. You go and buy a torch with your money then. And you ARE overbearing and overenthusiastic.” With that she’d shut the door and left.

At home, after calming down a bit, she’d tried to call him. He wouldn’t pick up. He also hadn’t answered her texts and that had gone on for the whole day. If he was overbearing, he was at least just as stubborn and passive aggressive when they fought. He could admit that he was wrong, but when Tom was sure he was right about something, he wouldn’t let you forget that he was mad at you. The problem was, to apologise, he would actually have to listen.

Tom had no idea, what exactly had caused this, but here he was, sitting opposite a good looking journalist, who flirted with him, and talked about Steph. He just hoped she wouldn’t see it whenever it’d be published in two or three weeks in time for the Ragnarok promotion.

“So, Tom,” she started as she flipped her hair, “what are you excited about?”

He could have easily said ‘Tennis’, or ‘Tea’, or ‘Shakespeare’. Instead he went with, “Nothing, really. Or, at least, I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t?”

“Well, as people know, I can get a little…intense talking about stuff.” The interviewer actually giggled at that, and Tom had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “And sometimes, the people I talk to tell me to ‘shut up’. Or that I’m an overenthusiastic five-year-old. And to avoid that today, I’m just going to say literally nothing.”

He knew he was mean. And he knew, Steph didn’t actually mean what she said. Or, maybe she did mean that, but he actually WAS being a little too excited. At least, that was what her ten messages said. He hadn’t replied. Yes, Tom also knew he was stubborn. And he knew that his comment about him paying for the house was stupid as well. But knowing this was one thing. And admitting it was a whole different story.

So he was going to do the first step (Yes, he knew, she actually made the first step. But there was that thing about admitting something, again.) and call her. Invite her over. She’d surely finished her article, and be glad he called. Tom’s surprise was huge when it was her voice mail that greeted him after the first three rings. For each of the five times he tried to reach her.

He was even more surprised that Steph almost closed the door to her flat on him when she spotted him in the hallway. His foot hurt, but it was worth it, considering she couldn’t close the door.

“Hey, now! Why would you do that! I came to talk!”

Steph huffed. Her dark brown eyes going wide, her brown her framing her face. “You came to talk? Sorry, I thought you were going to literally say nothing today. You did, in fact, say nothing to me all day.”

Tom furrowed his brow, how did – but he couldn’t even think further, as Steph interrupted him.

“Yeah, you would wonder about that, wouldn’t you?” Oh, so he’d said that out loud. “Your new friend Lily thought the interview was so great, she wanted to share a bit of it with her Youtube followers. Congratulations, Tom, they all feel very sorry for you and the suffering you have to endure by being with me. How can anyone anywhere tell you to ‘shut up’?”

He cringed at that. “Steph, I’m sorry, I really am. Please? Talk about it? Let me come in?”

“I don’t know if I want you in that flat, I’ve paid for.”

“Steph.” He actually sounded whiney now, he knew it.

“Oh, don’t you dare start with your puppy dog eyes and that pout.” Nevertheless, she opened the door for him and went through her hallway to her living-room, where she sat down on her couch. Tom followed her and took in his surroundings. He’d been here a lot of times, but not so much during the last couple of months. A glass of wine stood on the coffee table, a blanket was on the sofa, along with a German book, Tom didn’t know the title of.

He sat down next to her, not touching. “I’m sorry, I guess.” At Steph’s raised eyebrow, he hastened to add, “I’m sorry. Period. No guessing, just being sorry.”

“For?”

“Not answering your texts and talking about you in an interview. I really shouldn’t have done that. And about the comment with my money and the house. Not about the torch thing, though. I didn’t mean any harm by that.”

“Thank you. I’ve tried calling you to apologise. I’m sorry about the torch thing, by the way. But I did have to write and you did drive me mad a bit. But I didn’t want to call you a five-year-old. You are, sometimes, but I know you wanted to make me relax. I couldn’t apologise, though, because you didn’t pick up. And then I get a text from Luke, telling me ‘the flirting’ wasn’t as bad as it looked, and that you basically talked about us. All while you didn’t talk TO me. That’s kind of rude, Hiddleston.” Steph tried to mask it, but by the way she bit her bottom lip, Tom knew, she really was upset about that. “I’m sorry. I guess, I can be a little stubborn sometimes.”

“Hmhm.”

“And a little mean as well.”

“Yeah, well, me too, obviously.”

“Obviously.” They grinned at each other. “Am I forgiven, then?”

“I guess. Me, as well?”

“I’ll think about it.” Tom laughed, when Steph punched him in the ribs. He caught her hands in his and pulled her closer. He gave her a chaste kiss on the mouth. “You are,” he murmured.

“Thank you.” Steph leaned forward to kiss him again, but was stopped by Tom looking around her flat.

“You know, about the money thing and you being at my house…” He trailed off.

“Yes…? You know, if you avoid kissing me by saying something and then just stop, I feel kind of neglected here.”

Tom smirked, before leaning forward, kissing her again, just to stop way too soon. “You want to move in?”

Steph blinked. “Huh?”

“Look around, darling.” As she did, he continued, “There’s not a lot of stuff in here, because everything is at my place. I think it’s safe to say, you are basically living with me already. And when I’m not overbearing, and you’re not mean, I think we work pretty well.”

She smiled at him. “We do.”

“So?”

“Yes.” This time, when he leaned in, his hands in her hair and moaning into her mouth, Steph didn’t complain about him being overenthusiastic.

Tagging @devikafernando @itsliterallythis @justthelosersblog @avenger-nerd-mom

[barneycblog]

Reflections on the “F” Word

While I disapprove of the word’s overuse and find it annoying much of the time, it remains one of the more interesting monosyllabic expletives in the English language for a variety of reasons. Just by its sound it can describe, pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it can function as many parts of speech: a verb both transitive and intransitive; a gerund; a noun or pronoun; an adjective; an adverb; and an interjection. It’s a versatile word from a grammatical perspective and one that can describe with pointed emphasis a wide range of emotions, feelings, states of being and circumstances as these examples found on the web will attest:

• Ignorance: Fucked if I know. • Trouble: I guess I’m fucked now! • Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot. • Aggression: Fuck you! • Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here? • Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job. • Incompetence: He‘s a fuck-off. • Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing? • Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time. • Request: Get the fuck out of here. • Hostility: I'm going to knock your fucking head off. • Greeting: How the fuck are you? • Apathy: Who gives a fuck? • Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer. • Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me! • Anxiety: Today is really fucked.

Roots Linguisticians really have no clear idea where the word comes from. A few myths and folk etymologies have sprung up in the absence of a definite origin. The most common derive it from “fornication under consent of the king” or “for unlawful carnal knowledge,” and as with almost every other etymology based on an acronym, neither is true.

In English, swear words tend to have Germanic, rather than Latin etymology. We know where “shit” comes from—no pun intended. It has a Germanic root with obvious connections to words in other languages: Dutch schijt, German Scheiße, Swedish skit. It also shows up in Old English, as the verb scittan. The experts can trace a clear, linear etymology for it. Alas, the same can’t be said for “fuck,” although the search for its roots makes for an interesting etymological expedition.

It may be a native English word, from a Proto-Germanic verb along the lines of fukkon, which could in turn be from the Proto Indo European root pewg-, meaning “to jab” or “to hit”. Under this etymology, its origins are as clear as shit’s. But this explanation may rest more on speculation than fact.

Germanic words of similar form (f + vowel + consonant) and meaning ”copulate” are many. One of them is ficken. They often have additional senses, especially 'cheat,' but their basic meaning is 'move back and forth.' Most probably, fuck is a borrowing from Low German and has no cognates outside Germanic.

Early records of “fuck” are chiefly from Britain’s north, especially Scotland, so it may have begun as a northerner’s verb. Not all, but many of the words that exist primarily in Scotland and northern England, for example, bairn, gang, aye, kirk, etc., are from Old Norse. The Viking invasions left their impact on English as a whole, but especially in northern Britain where their settlements were concentrated. (Even today residents of North Britain use words and speak in accents that betray their Norse roots and mystify Americans and their English cousins to the south.)

Swedish fokka (“copulate”) and Norwegian fukka (“copulate, strike, push”) are now only dialectal terms, but given that they both mean “fuck” and are apparently related, they may go back to an unattested Old Norse verb. If this etymology is to be believed, then the Old Norse version of fukka came to Scotland first, before dispersing to the rest of the English-speaking world.

Another theory traces the Modern English verb to Middle English fyke, fike ("move restlessly, fidget") which also meant "dally, flirt," and probably is from a general North Sea Germanic word (compare Middle Dutch fokken, and German ficken). This would parallel in sense the vulgar Middle English term for "have sexual intercourse," swive, from Old English swifan "to move lightly over, sweep.” But the OED remarks that these "cannot be shown to be related" to the English word. (As an aside, the Old English verb for "have sexual intercourse with" was hæman, from ham "dwelling, home," with a sense of "take home, co-habit.")

Speaking of the original Oxford English Dictionary, its editors omitted as taboo the “F” word when the "F" entries were compiled between 1893 and 1897. Dr. Johnson also had excluded the word, and “fuck” wasn't in a single English language dictionary from 1795 to 1965. The Penguin Dictionary broke the taboo in the latter year. Houghton Mifflin followed in 1969 with The American Heritage Dictionary, but it also published a “clean” edition without the word, to assure itself access to the public high school market.

The written form of the word is attested from at least the early 16th Century although the verb form appears to have been found in an English court manuscript from 1310. The second edition of the OED cites 1503, in the form fukkit, and the earliest attested appearance of the current spelling is 1535 in Sir David Lyndesay’s Ane Satyre of the Thrie Estaits: "Bischops ... may fuck thair fill and be vnmaryit.” Apparently sex scandals in the Church were prevalent even then.

As an aside, “flying fuck” originally meant "sex had on horseback" and is first attested circa 1800 in a broadside ballad called New Feats of Horsemanship.

Censorship “Fuck” was outlawed in print in England by the Obscene Publications Act of 1857, and in the U.S. by the Comstock Act of 1873. The legal barriers against use in print broke down the mid-20th Century with the "Ulysses" decision (U.S., 1933) and "Lady Chatterley's Lover" (U.S., 1959; U.K., 1960).

In 1948, the publishers of The Naked and the Dead persuaded author Norman Mailer to use the euphemism “fug.” When Mailer later was introduced to Dorothy Parker, she greeted him with, "So you're the man who can't spell 'fuck'." (The quip is sometimes attributed to Tallulah Bankhead.) The major breakthrough in publication was James Jones' From Here to Eternity (1950), with 50 fucks (down from 258 in the original manuscript).

In a 1972 monologue, the late comedian George Carlin famously listed the "Seven words you can never say on television," to wit, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.

At the time, the words were considered inappropriate for broadcast on the public airwaves in the United States, whether radio or television; and most of the words on Carlin's original list remain taboo on American broadcast television but are heard with astonishing regularity on unregulated cable as an evening watching HBO will demonstrate. But words forbidden to polite society didn’t originate with Carlin; the ancient Romans had ten words that were considered taboo (and therefore used regularly): cunnus, futuo, mentula, verpa, landica, culus, pedico, caco, fello and irrumo. I’ll let the reader translate those words for which the English equivalent isn’t obvious.

At the Movies 1939’s Gone with the Wind ends with these memorable lines:

Scarlett: Where shall I go? What shall I do? Rhett: Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a damn.

What today is hardly regarded as even a mildly profane expression caused a sensation in the USA in 1939. Sixty-six years later the iconic quotation was voted the number one movie line of all time by the American Film Institute.

The word “damn” had been prohibited by the 1930 Motion Picture Association’s Production Code (aka, the Will Hayes Office), drawn up as the country was in the grips of prohibition and a fiery debate about declining moral standards which social critics attributed in no small measure to the alleged excesses of the Hollywood dream machine and the immoral behavior of the people who starred in its films.

Against this backdrop, producer David O. Selznick and story editor Val Lewton worked hard to keep the movie close to the book. Of the word “damn” Selznik told the Hayes censors, "It is my contention that this word as used in the picture is not an oath or a curse. The worst that could be said of it is that it’s a vulgarism." In the end, the film got special dispensation to use "damn" and "hell" in specific situations.

But before they got the OK, Selznick and Lewton solicited alternate endings. They came up with 20, more or less, among them:

Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a straw. Frankly my dear, I don’t’ give a hoot. You can go to the devil for all I care. My indifference is boundless.

The Hollywood Production Code was adopted by the film industry to counter efforts to establish government censorship of cinema in 1930, although it was not seriously enforced until 1934 and continued in effect until 1965 when it was replaced by the current ratings system.

During Hollywood’s golden age, producers, writers and directors came up with a bag of tricks designed to do an end run around the censors whom they regarded as overly zealous, excessively self-righteous and conspicuously dumb. One technique was to write witty, sharp-edged dialogue replete with double entendres and a heavy dose sexual innuendo.  

One such example comes from the 1946 film noire The Big Sleep, a mostly inscrutable piece of detective fiction penned by Raymond Chandler. The principals, Vivian Rutledge (Lauren Bacall) and Philip Marlow (Humphrey Bogart), engage in a famous, slyly flirtatious, sexy horse-race conversation scripted by an uncredited Julius Epstein. At one point, she rates him as a potential lover, using a horse analogy to talk in a veiled way about her feelings toward men and sex. The dialogue is outrageously suggestive without using a single off color word:

Vivian: Tell me: What do you usually do when you're not working? Marlowe: Oh, play the horses, fool around. Vivian: No women? Marlowe: I'm generally working on something, most of the time. Vivian: Could that be stretched to include me? Marlowe: Well I like you. I've told you that before. Vivian: I like hearing you say it. But you didn't do much about it. Marlowe: Well, neither did you. Vivian: Well, speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them work out a little first, see if they're front-runners or come from behind, find out what their whole card is. What makes them run. Marlowe: Find out mine? Vivian: I think so. Marlowe: Go ahead. Vivian: I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a lead, take a little  breather in the backstretch, and then come home free. Marlowe: You don't like to be rated yourself. Vivian: I haven't met anyone yet that can do it. Any suggestions? Marlowe: Well, I can't tell till I've seen you over a distance of ground. You've got a touch of class, but, uh...I don't know how - how far you can go. Vivian: A lot depends on who's in the saddle. Go ahead Marlowe, I like the way you work. In case you don't know it, you're doing all right. Marlowe: There's one thing I can't figure out. Vivian: What makes me run? Marlowe: Uh-huh. Vivian: I'll give you a little hint. Sugar won't work. It's been tried.

“Fuck” began to break into cinema when it was uttered once in the film Vapor (1963) and in two Andy Warhol films: Poor Little Rich Girl (1965) and My Hustler (1965), and later in each of two 1967 British releases, Ulysses and I'll Never Forget What's 'is name. It was also used several times in the 1969 British film Bronco Bullfrog.  According to director Robert Altman, the first time the word "fuck" was used in a major American studio film was in 1970's M*A*S*H, spoken by Painless during the football match at the end of the film. Since then it’s been a free-for-all as many films have attempted, and succeeded, in desensitizing audiences to the shocking effects of the F-word.

Bad Santa, a dreadful black comedy in which Billy Bob Thornton spends 90 minutes uttering non-stop expletives is one example. Another is 2017’s The Wife, an altogether splendid film—a great story complemented by terrific performances by Glen Close and Jonathan Prices—that suffers from what I would argue is overuse of the “F” word.

It’s not that I’m a prude; I’m not. It’s not that I’m offended. I’m not. It’s not that I don’t use the word; I do. And its not that I’m for censorship (heaven forfend!). But as a lover of and sometimes lecturer on old films, I’m saddened that writers and directors ignore context and insert gratuitous profanity in dialogue when the scene doesn’t really call for it. Okay, Tony Soprano’s crew really does talk that way, and so does Casino’s Nicky Santoro. And the creative social commentary of George Carlin and Lewis Black would fall pretty flat were it not punctuated by a flurry of forbidden expletives. In their mouths the language works; in the mouths of lesser so-called comedians it’s just unfunny. And unnecessary. It’s all a matter of context.  

It probably says something about the state of English-speaking society that there are people who actually count occurrences of the word ‘fuck’ in films. Director Martin Scorsese is the undisputed Father of Fuckage. “Fuck” and its derivatives is spoken a staggering 506 times in The Wolf of Wall Street, setting a new Guinness World Record for most swearing in one film. And Scorsese has two other films that made the top ten list of “fuck”-ridden films:

1. The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese, 2013). 506 times (every 2.83 minutes). 2. Summer of Sam (Spike Lee, 1999). 435 times (every 3.06 minutes). 3. Nil by Mouth (Gary Oldman, 1997). 435 times (every 3.34 minutes). 4. Casino (Martin Scorsese, 1995). 422 times (every 2.4 minutes). 5. Alpha Dog (Nick Cassavetes, 2006). 367 times (every 3.11 minutes). 6. End of Watch (Dir. David Ayer, 2012). 326 times (every 2.99 minutes). 7. Twin Town (Kevin Allen, 1997). 318 times (every 3.21 minutes). 8. Running Scared (Wayne Kramer, 2006) 315 times (every 2.58 minutes). 9. Goodfellas (Martin Scorsese, 1990). 300 times (every 2.05 minutes). 10. Narc (Joe Carnahan, 2002). 297 times (every 2.82 minutes).

One could imagine the closing scene of Gone with the Wind if Scorsese had directed it. Perhaps it might have gone like this:

Scarlet: Rhett, I don’t know what the fuck to do! Rhett: Franky my dear, I don’t give a shit.