#people can say trans men are men all they want and they'd be right obviously

[fuckwoodyallen]

dysphoria is so goddamn confusing. it’s like, there are two wolves inside me: yes I’m a transmasc lesbian, this makes sense more than anything else, this feels secure, women and nonbinary people rock / but also deep down I wish I was a boy kissing other boys, though I don’t think I’d feel a genuine romantic or sexual attraction to men unless we were both gay boys

[hamarhemmo]

Hello, I'd like to share some LGBTQ+ JoJo headcanons again.

This time the JoBros:

Robert Speedwagon: He is gay and this is a fact. He got kicked in the face and immediately fell in love. He literally devoted his whole life to Jonathan. I love him. Also I think in some translation/version Joseph comments something about his and Jonathan's suspicious relationship but I might just be imagining that.

Caesar Zeppeli: Just like Joseph, he is incredibly bisexual. Obviously likes women or at least enjoys flirting with them, but he very obviously has a crush on Joseph. This isn't even my Caejose propaganda, this is a fact. Also this is a stretch but Lisa Lisa said that he has commited "every crime short of murder". Do you know what was illegal in 1930s Italy? That's right: being queer. Case closed.

Noriaki Kakyoin: Not gonna lie dude, he got so little screentime that I actually have no idea. Like I don't know how you guys can make anything of his sexuality, he said almost nothing and interacted with almost no one.

Jean Pierre Polnareff: You know the phrase "He's bi but no one wants him"? That's Polnareff.

Okuyasu Nijimura: I feel like he's bi. Though that might just be Josuyasu brain speaking. Like he's a bit too close to Josuke for that to be entirely straight, but also if he is straight, I respect him for being so close with his friends.

Koichi Hirose: I think he's straight and trans (FtM). Like if he was attracted to men, there's no way that his relationship with Josuke and Okuyasu wouldn't be fruitier. He's the token straight friend. Also I'm definitely not projecting my transness into every short guy I see.

Guido Mista: He's definitely bisexual or pansexual. I actually have seriously no explanation, I can just tell from looking at him. I actually kind of feel like he wouldn't care about gender at all but he has way too strong bisexual vibes for me to call him anything else.

Bruno Bucciarati and Leone Abbacchio: I'm putting them together because they're a set in my mind. Like I just can't seperate them. Anyways they're both gay and that's a fact. I can't possibly imagine them dating anyone but each other.

Narancia Ghirga: He feels like a he/they to me. Maybe a cis dude who just uses those pronouns. I'm pretty sure he likes girls so maybe he's straight?

Ermes Costello: A lesbian. Or like lesbian who also like female aligned enbies, I don't know if there's a specific wird for that. I can totally see her dating Jolyne and F.F. so probably polyamorous too.

Foo Fighters: I feel like they're agender but also don't really care what people call them. They'd probably be fine with any pronouns. Also I feel like they're pan, like they're literally just some plankton in a human form, they probably don't even know what gender means. Probably also polyamorous for reasons mentioned previously.

Gyro Zeppeli: Continuing the Zeppeli tradition of being bisexual. I surprisingly don't have much to say about him despite him being like my favourite SBR character.

Yasuho Hirose: Again, I haven't read part 8 yet, but her outfit is in trans colours so you know what that means! She's trans and I don't take criticism.

[hard--headed--woman]

Hey!!! (This isn’t a hate message! I’m writing by anonymous because I’m quite scared of my friends finding out I quite like radfem ideology)

I was listening to “The witch trials of Jk Rowling” (have you heard it?) and I was just wondering on why certain celebrities can be forgiven or their mistakes can be forgotten by the public but Jk rowling is from now on, a “terrible person”??

I’m quite young, a teenager, and I relate to the HP books so much. Obviously, I have a lot of respect for JK and I one day want to be a writer too… so I just can’t seem to understand why she’s so continuously hated. I know lots of other celebrities are attacked and hated on.. but people always seem to move on. But never from her.

Its just been an itch I can’t scratch, and I know it’s because of sexism, but again, lots of others have done terrible things. But nobody ever seems able to move on from JK. Everytime HP is brought up, she HAS to be insulted.

(Sorry for the rant! I just don’t have anyone to tell!!)

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Heyy! Thank you for the ask and sorry for the late reply!

You've got a point here. It's absolutely true : people not being able to move on from JK Rowling isn’t logical. Many celebrities have done far more horrible things and people have moved on. So why don't they do the same thing for her ? I personally think there are several reasons :

1) She's a woman. Obvious answer but still important ; a lot of the hate and violence directed at JK Rowling comes from sexism and misogyny. They wouldn't hate her as much if she wasn't female. We know that women and men aren't held to the same standards. Men can do absolutely a lot of things and be forgiven. Women do not have that privilege : in fact we get hated for very stupid little mistakes, harmless things, for having different opinions... If she was a man, she wouldn't receive all this hate. But she isn’t. And it shows in the language people use against her that their hatred comes, for a big part, from misogyny. Perhaps they'd have moved on if JK was a man, but she is a woman.

2) She cares about women and put women first. People hate that. Men have to come first, especially if you're a woman. But JK ? She does things for women and she is proud of it. People hate female solidarity. They hate seeing women caring for other women. They hate that she's ready to fight the whole world and popular ideologies to help women. It's not what women are supposed to do.

3) Related to the two first points but... she is everything people hate in a woman. She has power, she is successful, smart, funny, confident, she expresses her opinions even on controversial topics, she is strong minded, unbothered by their bullshit... They hate that she's a successful woman, that she speaks her mind and isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, they hate that a woman does not support their ideology, they hate that she will not apologize, they hate that she is smart, they hate that she is confident, they hate everything about her. A woman isn’t supposed to be like this. A woman is supposed to put people's (men's) feelings first, to be sweet and submissive, to apologize or back down if she does something people didn't like... well she said fuck that. And now they're angry.

4) We know that TRAs are basically MRAs. The trans rights movement is a men's rights movement. It's a misogynistic movement that benefits the patriarchy. It oppresses women and give even more power to men. So when JK Rowling fights against it, she fights against something that put men first, give them more power, help them break women's boundaries... that's everything people hate. The men feel attacked, their fandom is offended. She fights against their movement. You can't criticize the patriarchy and try to prevent men to get what they want. People are so shocked that a woman does it.

5) Jealousy. Is tied to everything else, but people are jealous because she did something unique. No one had ever written books that successful before. No one had ever made that much money from writing books before. I feel like many people were waiting for a reason to hate on her, or at least are happy to have one now. They'd like to erase her name, so that history and people forget her success and the fact that no writer ever had as much success. They'd like to prove that she isn’t special or that they're better than her. Plus, she is a woman. Can you imagine how mad people are that a woman had done something as huge as that ? Especially since she proved that she was a good person after that, giving a lot of money to charity, spending billions of dollars to create ways to help women and children... They'd like to prove she isn’t that great.

6) She criticizes gender ideology and TRAS are losers and crying babies lol

Many celebrities have done terrible things, but people moved on because it didn't hit all these sensitive points. To me, at least. I'll add if more reasons come to my mind (I think I had more and then I forgot them) but for now I think that's all.

[decolonize-the-left]

Okay so I saw a post about transmisandry again and I'm lost in the sauce. I feel like Man Ray in that "it's not my wallet" Patrick meme.

So okay wait

No okay

Hold on

So

Sexism is prejudice based on sex. Misogyny is the name of the way women are treated within sexism as a way to regulate the looks and behavior, yes? And patriarchy is a government or system controlled by men while other sexes are excluded from that power.

So misogyny is inherent with a sexist patriarchy.

What I don't understand. Is how ALL mistreatment regarding sexism is misogyny.

We're constantly telling men that sexism & patriarchy affects them too. A sexist patriarchy creates a society in which they must be stronger, masculine, can't show emotion, be in control, etc and the need to reach these standards can easily (and often) turn into toxic masculinity, yes?

These are all standards that uniquely males are regulated by and experience.

So if the method used to regulate female behavior is called misogyny... Why would the method to regulate male behavior also be misogyny? It very inherently isn't, right?

Yeah you could argue "well it's all actually just because they hate females so they don't want to share our qualities so that's why it's misogyny" but like.... That kinda ignores Everything else doesn't it?

Being a male within a sexist patriarchy doesn't just mean "be the opposite of females/feminine" there are Many additional other components to it that are not shared or related to being female. If simply being Not feminine/female was the goal then andro, trans, and gnc men would be fine. But they aren't. Because the goal of sexism for men isn't to be "not feminine/female-esque" the goal is specifically to be a masculine male. And yeah, those men would be experiencing hate for being kinda feminine, but the wider reason for that would be because they don't conform to sexist ideals of the male or female sex. The same way trans and cis women experience hate for not meeting standards of male and female sex.

Am I making sense?

Like sexism means one sex is inherently better than another, yes? Which means they both must be regulated to meet standards of their sex in order to uphold the sexist beliefs that surround them. So why are ppl insisting that only one of those experiences should have a name and that the two different experiences are actually the same thing?

We established that's not true right?

Why are people being so weird about letting men name their experience and treatment as it relates to sexism? Is it cuz they think it implies fems must be the prejudiced ones? Is it because they don't understand how men, as people in power, would perpetuate harm against themselves (hello internalized sexism/misogyny that created pick me's and Not Like The Other Girls girls)

Like why are people broadening the definition of misogyny ( it's "prejudice against women" for the record) to mean "any sex based prejudice that can be related back to hating women"?

Like it doesn't make sense to me. Make it make sense to me.

Like if we use that logic then both transphobia and homophobia would be considered misogyny instead. And that's literally the logic radfems and TERFs use to avoid acknowledging trans oppression. They think transphobia is just redirected misogyny. And that trans men just internalized misogyny to such an extreme extent that they decided to be men instead, that if trans men just deconstructed their misogyny then they'd be happy cis women.

Like it'd be one thing if I only saw the term transmisandry or misandry being dragged within circles of bigots but it's happening in pretty much in Every feminist space which is just a Huge red flag to me unless there's some secret, non-radfem/non-TERF reason for it. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure it's just TERFs weaseling deeper into mainstream feminism again which obviously should be addressed and stopped before this line of thinking goes further or gets more popularized.

I've seen some people say "shut up, men aren't oppressed" but like both sexism and misogyny exclude the term oppression. you don't need to be oppressed to experience sex based prejudice sooooo. And it's not like men are saying they live under an oppressive matriarchy, they just wanna talk about how much gender roles suck within sexism and patriarchy the same way women do.

So like.... What's the deal. Why. What's the grave danger posed by allowing men the language to speak about their experiences and talk about how they're affected under a sexist patriarchy too?

[anonanimal]

ok we watched the barbie movie and i must be ovulating because the emotional levers were successfully pulled and i did cry but i was also mad part of the time.

i'd say i have a few thoughts and questions about the depiction of ruth handler lol but i haven't put it into succinct enough words yet

interesting they'd do the jokes about earring magic ken and growing up skipper and uh whatever pregnant midge was called and do a joke about ruth handler's...tax evasion? did she really do tax evasion? but they didn't touch on bild lilli. maybe they can't

sooo barbie is a god and mattel are her... stewards. lmao? what the fuck is gonna happen in barbieland if god is not in her heaven... whatever. just like in preacher when god goes missing (yes i watched part of the preacher amc series with my mother). i feel like the "barbie is a god, she is every barbie and every barbie is her" would have been the explicit focus of MY barbie movie (what can i say, i love a good story about a god becoming human, it's the christianity i've been steeped in) but they kind of don't do much with it

actually ruth handler = god, barbie = jesus?

ken becomes a ... men's (ken's) rights activist. lmao?

anyone else think the car chase was filmed like a car commercial. like weirdly obviously so? i feel like product placement has come farther than this

they want people to say it's a gay or trans allegory sooooo bad between the birkenstocks and the "you don't get permission, it's something you discover about yourself" they want it sooooo bad ok you win i'm saying it. but i know you wanted me to say it. you won fuck off!!!!!! or maybe i'm reaching because it's easy to read the emotional journey of coming out to yourself in a general coming of age tale. but come on. i'm not that smart so if i'm picking up on someone wanting me to think something, they probably do. the only way this movie could have been gay would have been if the weird barbies led a new society.

so was this their way of saying they're debuting a line of kens with jobs...?

i liked the comedy of 2001 monolith barbie and the barbieland physical comedy stuff. maybe i should have rolled my eyes but i'm easy. rollerblading executives also killed

i liked the little twist that barbie's crisis was precipitated by being played with, not by a maturing child, but her mother. kind of in line with how the movie itself is an ad for the barbie brand for adults. there's quite a few moments that i thought had to be intentional references to the function of the movie itself in the real world, and they all felt weird and bad, like someone screaming "let me out!!!!!" i've forgotten a lot of them now because i'm adding this bit in an edit the next day.

*guy who has only seen south park voice* getting a lot of imaginationland vibes from this

i kind of expected for there to be like a joke about allan being in unrequited love with ken but i now think there probably was in an earlier draft and it didn't mesh with the final product and they had to nix it. or like surely someone floated it at least

you know they tried to save it from being too much about ken by having someone literally say "what about barbie's ending?" and then doing barbie's ending but...it was still kind of more about ken i think. he did a dance number for christ's sake. i almost forgot that barbie got to dance too, but barbie's dance was also mostly about ken wanting her to notice him. "he's just ken" "kenergy" "i am kenough" come on. i think the biggest laugh in the theater was actually the kenough hoodie. biggest laugh for me personally? sasha saying, (and i'm paraphrasing of course bc i'm not bothering to look it up) "are you two shining?"

i got SO close to killing the mood when we walked out by saying "hey lets google mattel factory working conditions right now" but i decided that was too far / probably in poor taste for me to flippantly use in post-movie discussion

the feminism 101 stuff was whatever. it made sense within the setting of the movie since america ferrera as a human had to introduce ideas into barbieland for them to take hold, and ideas just kind of manifest whatever happens in barbieland, but i'm very surprised they didn't do a joke like "gee i wish it was this easy in the real world" like how did they miss that opportunity, it would have worked. or maybe they did and i missed it because i had my hater goggles on

sooo velveteen rabbit?

all in all, as a member of the moviegoing public, i guess i got what i wanted. an experience that left me with something to think and talk about.

p.s. this was, for me personally, an ad for ryan gosling. i didn't find him interesting until now. they really got me there.

p.p.s. obviously any criticism i have of the like existence of the barbie movie is hypocritical because i haven't said it about gundam (yet)

[borgqueens]

On this week’s edition of Metafilter Shaming:

I have I think (unknowingly) started to explore or rebel against some norms. I wear a lot of pink and purple

A man wearing pink and purple?? So rebellious!

I would describe myself as presenting as a husband but feeling like a wife. In thinking about traditional gender roles in a relationship, I am the one who cooks, decorates our home, sews, makes health appts, organizes kids stuff and maintains our social calendar

Cooking and sewing and looking after kids is for wives, not husbands: who said it, progressive left-wing echo chamber or religious right-wing conservative?

I fantasize often about what it would be like if I was a lesbian married to my wife

Fetishist alert fetishist alert

I want the book clubs and emotional support, not fantasy sports and beer

So…find other men to do that stuff with? It’s like he thinks he’s the first man in history who isn’t 100% GI Joe on that ridiculous Mermaids UK gender diagram

a handful or fewer times I have found myself attracted enough to a man to consider acting on it

This is why the T needs to be forcibly ejected from the LGB. Feel attracted to the same sex? Duh, that means you have a special gender, that’s how it works :) :)

I feel like even getting close to individual women who I vibe with is rife with problems as it's just not that normal to do (or it seems as such) unless the guy is emotionally or physically trying to cheat.

This is obviously an indication of having a special gender and definitely not an indication that there’s anything wrong with patriarchal society :) :)

if we both were women, we would both get invited to the book club that she did and my presence there would not completely change the dynamics […] part of the book club is a space where women can express their feelings about their relationships/kids/etc. and they'd not be as comfortable if there was a man there.

Yeahhhh if he puts on a dress and calls himself “she” the women will still be uncomfortable, it’s just they’d be too afraid to say anything and get canceled

From the replies:

It sounds to me like you have a male gender identity and a feminine gender expression

Stereotypes. This person means feminine gender stereotypes.

in some queer communities there is an odd pressure on non-gender-conforming people to come out as trans

I wonder why that could be…it’s certainly nothing to do with being an inherently conservative ideology that ultimately reinforces patriarchy, right?

I'm afab and usually just identify as a woman, but it's because I hang out in leftist, coastal cities where there's tons of queer folks and "woman" feels expansive enough to encompass my identity and life experiences. But put me in a smaller town with cishet normie values and then I definitely feel I exist outside of that binary, would feel weird and out of place in groups of all women, and therefore I am (at least contextually) non-binary

This person is SO close to getting it

I found a term that really suites me that I think you should look into: demigirl […] I can’t “perform” being a woman “correctly” - I experience gender dysphoria when forced to do highly feminine things but it’s just because I can’t do “woman” in the way that society wants me to. But I don’t have to. I can perform being a woman however I want […] Because gender is fake.

Gender is fake, she says, then goes ahead and gives herself a fake gender. Because again, not fitting society’s expectations of women is a you problem and definitely not a society problem!

How do these people not hear themselves and how horrendously regressive they are. How do a bunch of 40something “progressives” eat up the gender crap without stopping for one second to think critically about it. Oh my god.

Bonus Metafilter Shaming!

Hysterical wall of text from someone feeling extremely stressed about “welcoming a TERF into my life”:

[starfallskitter]

in a similar weird personal vein that I'm thinking about because of reddit posts (read the whole damn post, don't piss on the poor):

an odd thing I keep trying to explain to cis women, as a trans man, is that while people who say "men can't flirt anymore, women think it's all sexual harrassment!!" obviously don't understand the female experience and how terrifying it can be to be hit on by a man and not know how to reject him- I think very few men would argue that he's basing this on absolutely nothing, from a male perspective.

Every man attracted to women DOES have to constantly filter their interactions through the lens of being a man, talking to a woman. "It's not that hard, just don't make it sexual!" you may say, and you are right. If you never make any sexual comments you are perfectly safe from offending, hurting, scaring, etc anyone at all.

But what about when you want to flirt with someone? How do you know where the line is? Obviously, you build up slowly, but it's very easy to trip over that line by accident. It's almost inevitable if you're neurodivergent. We're bad at lines as it is. Some of us do not know HOW to test the waters.

And there's no right answer. There's nothing you can say that is always acceptable to every woman. There are no cheats. You just have to know a) if this woman is into you, b) what they'd respond well to, or you don't get to flirt with them at all. Or you risk being mistaken for a creep.

Before you say that's all flirting, I can tell you, in my lived experience as a trans man, it's not. Casually touching people is seen as a threat when I do it, but strange women can hang off of me and that's fine, at least in the eyes of passersby. Rejected flirting before transition was a little awkward. Now, even mentioning that my sexuality exists, that I have sexual feelings sometimes, feels like I'm crossing boundaries. I don't think I have, because I've been so incredibly careful- but it's a kind of careful that did not even cross my radar prior to transition. My female-presenting friends can say to one another, and I quote, "that dress makes your boobs look so fucking sexy". Can you imagine if your male friend said that to you?

Unlike the men who whinge about this, though, I recognise that this isn't women's fault. If women didn't have to be afraid of men, didn't have to be afraid of the male violence that very often comes with rejection, they wouldn't have to be on edge all the time and would be able to tell my intent. It's ridiculous, really, when you compare "what if they think I'm a creep" to "what if I'm murdered". Of COURSE women have it harder. And the fact that they have it harder, because of a minority of men!, is what's created this issue in the first place.

I just sometimes wish I could stop filtering my sexuality because other men have made women afraid of our entire gender.

[bibridlizzie]

Twitter is so full of Landon hate it's insane. Just saw a post that said "straight men deserve no rights" and it was a video of Landon breaking up with Josie and then another pairing from another show but anyway my point it what??? Like I don't care about that they said, it's just the way they're very obviously trying to portray Landon as being a bad guy for making Josie cry and like??? There was no way for him to win there. If he had picked Josie, they still would've been pissed at him for hurting Hope. He literally can't win with these people. Also people break up. It happens. Stop acting like Landon is an evil monster for being a teenager with complicated feelings.

[greenwire]

I'm kinda confused by leftists accusing each other of being conservative. "TERFS are conservative!" or "trans activism is conservative!" Conservatives in general tend to not align with either type of leftist, though obviously there are cases of radfems or TRAs working with conservatives to push laws, policy, etc. like, does the accusation actually accomplish anything??

This is a good question. When I use terms like 'liberal' and 'conservative' I'm referring to the dictionary definition of these schools of thought. Liberals believe in the right to self-determination, democracy (consent of the governed), and equality under the law. Conservatives believe in private ownership with limited influence from government, free enterprise, and socially traditional values.

When I talk about "trans political" I'm referring to a very specific type of politically active social media user who happens to hold very conservative beliefs, but self-identifies as liberal or leftist. Not all beliefs espoused by such people are conservative. I don't think anyone would call it conservative to bring back high marginal tax rates or implementing universal healthcare. But these are people with core beliefs, especially relating to how they view those different from themselves, that are actually incredibly regressive.

I grew up in a highly patriarchal, highly sexist society. I was exposed to the idea that women are lesser, that even the strongest woman in the world is weaker than the weakest man, that women are hysterical, emotional crybabies who don't even deserve the right to instigate divorce because they'd all just divorce their husbands on a childish whim. I heard this from family, at school, and on tv. Men would debate how women have gone too far on state television, men would give khutba (sermon) on our lesser nature, and all of this was accepted as completely normal by all men and a majority of women too. I spent my adolescence in a country where women couldn't drive, but were still blamed for a majority of car accidents. And none of these ideas were shared in english. Basically what I'm saying is that a glossary change won't hide the substance of an idea from me.

So when I see someone, particularly a male, promote the idea that women are inferior beings who exist for servitude and sex, it doesn't matter that his avatar is a hammer and sickle on a pride flag. When I see someone claim that no one is oppressed on the basis of sex, not even infants aborted in utero for having a vulva, but on the basis of some quasi-religious 'gender essence' it doesn't particularly matter that the person expressing the view likes to have pink hair and wear glitter. I recognize the belief as the regressive, socially traditional, and sexist idea that it is.

I can't pretend that liberalism and bigotry are opposed in practice. We've all seen how liberals act toward demographics they think they own. For example, how Bernie bros reacted in 2016 and 2020 when their candidate did not poll well among black voters. Or how Muslims in the UK are poor oppressed victims unless they don't think you can self-identify as a different biological sex, then they're actually Islamist terrorists (even as they quietly shoo away authors like Ayaan Hirsi Ali because "not all Muslims you know"). Or how outraged certain leftists get at conservative women. It's like watching an entire political debate devolve into "hey! that's MY pie!!"

But the dictionary definition of liberalism still includes a belief in equality under the law. Equal civil rights and equal access to public resources on the basis of sex, sexuality, race, ability, religion, ethnicity, national origin, or whatever other metric you want to divide people on.

Also I think it's funny to tell people that political labels have meanings and they aren't radical or liberal just because they say so. As far as I know, nobody's tried to make that a human rights violation yet.

[hustleformuscle]

i am pro lgbt and everything progressive under the sun. but you are right about sports. i just have a bachelor's degree in the health field, but i did recently read a book called "T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us" by Carol Hooven, who's an evolutionary biologist from Harvard. I just read it out of general interest about it, it's not just about trans people. she does touch on trans issues in parts of it though and from a very pro-trans viewpoint but also very objectively in regards to biology. she interviews many of them as well for the making of this book. she gets into the science of the sexes though and at one point talks about how testosterone has already made permanent changes to the body just in utero with how muscle is built, bone structure, how fat is stored, certain pathways of the brain, etc. then there is even more done to the physical body in puberty. and things that aren't just easily changed with hormone therapy as an adult. she thinks it's actually a disservice to trans people to ignore the differences that exist, because talking about it will help the science progress so they can transition more easily and more "thoroughly" in the future (my choice of words, not hers, apologies if it's offensive). she also talks about all the issues with what people cite when they say there are no differences in the sexes, like pcos stuff, etc. it's very thorough but also she's really kind and funny. anyway i'm not an expert but she is. i really recommend that book if you like scientific stuff and just want to learn about the crossroads of sex and gender and want to learn more about this.

i never bring this up with people because i'm super scared of being labeled transphobic like you said because it's not, it's literally just the science. and it's so hypocritical to me when my fellow progressives say "science is real" and that they are "pro-science", but then i see them also just picking and choosing what they want and ignoring what doesn't support their cause. because yeah, mtf athletes are blowing women's records out of the water across sports, and that is not at all the case with ftm athletes. Obviously this creates a really fucked up situation for trans athletes because what can we do? I don't think they'd want some third league for trans people, that feels so separatist/exclusionary. but yeah, we can't just ignore the science of biology either. because sports are literally about the physical body an its abilities. this is why the separation of the sexes in sports still persists to today despite the fact that women can thrive in any other place where men are. god, i feel like is sound like such a transphobe... but i'm not! i swear... everything is so polarized lately that i feel like i can't speak up about something i've learned isn't right because everything is seen as so black and white nowadays. but science doesn't care about our political viewpoints. idk what to do about this, bleh.

sorry to write a novel, as i said i never get to/let myself talk about this. i understand if this is too controversial of a thing for you to want on your blog/you don't post it.

i hope we can all figure this out so that everyone can be happy and compete equally.

Thank you so much for this. I’m definitely going to read that book, it sounds really interesting!

I think all of the points you’ve raised are valid and very important to the trans athletes in sport argument. People “believe in science” until it doesn’t support their argument any more.

I think it sucks that we are made out to be transphobic when we have valid queries/concerns that can’t be answered answered/solved to a satisfactory degree. And I blame most of that on the actually transphobic people out there. Too many people are out here slinging shit at trans athletes for being trans rather than looking at the actual unfairness of the competition. It completely closes the door on any kind of productive discussion around the subject.

Thank you very much for reaching out about this. Not enough people talk about it in a light that is going to make change that will benefit the sports community. It’s nice to know that there are others out there who can look at this from more than just a “if you don’t think trans people should compete then you don’t like trans people!” viewpoint.

[vampish-glamour]

The ask about radfems being right made me want to rant. The sheer vitriol against TERFs (including graphic rape threats which automatically makes them look sympathetic) made people forget some important points

1) radfems, and people who believe in radical ideologies, are very good at presenting the milder points of their philosophy. No radfem is dumb enough to go to someone like "men should be castrated before puberty for the safety of women", they'd start with something much milder like "I hate how teen boys get sex ed from porn at a young age" or something like that

2) the same line can have different meanings depending on the person. "We must protect vulnerable ethnicities at risk of genocide": a normal person might mean, I don't know, indigenous people being erased, and you might agree. But what if it's a white supremacist saying that, and he meant white people being replaced by mixed race people and immigrants? Very different context. Radfems employ similar strategies: "a dress doesn't make you a woman" can mean "gender is not tied to gender expression" or "trans women aren't women"

3) a broken clock is right twice a day. Just because a radfem says that the sky is blue, doesn't mean it's actually green. Just because she denounces Jessica Yaniv (because no one else does), doesn't mean you have to defend that person. Just because she says that the number of AFAB enbies who say "I'm nonbinary because I hate common women experiences like pregnancies" is worrying and might hint at internalized misogyny, doesn't mean she isn't right about that. Again, it's the entire context that makes radfeminism repugnant, but you can agree on some points for very different reasons.

And besides, we all know the woke left loves almost every radfeminist points except "trans bad" and "queer is a slur", so they don't get to complain :V

Mad agree (also I want to clarify that the ask wasn’t about radfems being right—it was about their base level claims often being right and easy to agree with, as well as easy to understand where those claims come from. And that’s how people go down the road of getting into the radical stuff, and ending up being batshit crazy radical feminists/terfs).

Your point about starting with milder takes is exactly what I was trying to get at with my response to the ask—and you gave a great example. On the surface, the take “I hate that teen boys get sex ed from porn” is an overall agreeable one. Porn is a terrible place to get sex education, in the same way medical shows are terrible places to learn what it’s like to be a surgeon, and cop shows are terrible places to learn what it’s like to be a cop. It’s all incredibly unrealistic.

So arguably, radfems are right when they make that surface basic claim, as it’s not a radical feminist exclusive claim. But then they manage to twist “teen boys are getting sex ed from porn and that’s bad” into “we should just castrate teen boys because men are inherently rapists and porn makes you a rapist”. And I would hope most rational people would go “holy shit wtf” to that claim.

And with the flexibility of lines, I see that a lot. I mean… it even happens with far right vs far left. Remember that post that said “white people shouldn’t adopt non white kids”, and a bunch of far leftists were agreeing because they believed white people adopting non white kids was racist… and it turned out the post had actually been made by a far right white supremacist, who believed that non whites were inferior to whites.

Terfs definitely take that into consideration. To myself, “a dress doesn’t make you a woman” means that dresses aren’t necessary to womanhood, and the lack of dresses isn’t necessary to manhood. To a terf, “a dress doesn’t make you a woman” means “trans women are men in dresses”.

And yes, thank you for pointing out the broken clock thing. Because obviously a radfem can say something sensical. Not everything that comes out of a radfem is necessarily radfem beliefs… so trying to act like anything a radfem ever says must be terf rhetoric is ridiculous. It’s just that most of the stuff radfems are “right” about are those surface level claims (again, like “a dress doesn’t make you a woman”) that aren’t actually radfem belief. It’s when you put that statement into the context they see it in, when it becomes radfem belief. That still doesn’t make the base claim wrong or radfem, though. Just the context radical feminism gives it.

Even “queer is a slur”… that’s not radfem belief. Do a lot of radfems believe queer is a slur? Yes. But something tells me that’s less about them being radfems, and more about many radfems being wlw (or at least claim to be wlw). The ones who aren’t claim to be allies (despite likely supporting political lesbianism). So is it really that surprising that a group largely filled with wlw, people who think they’re wlw, and people who think they support wlw, is against a homophobic slur being treated as if it’s not a homophobic slur???

I also agree that terfs are able to rack up a lot of sympathy from the constant hatred thrown their way. I know we all dislike terfs. But aggressively hating them is exactly what they want!!! Because then they can say things like “they’re silencing us because they don’t want to hear the truth”, or claim victimhood because clearly everyone hates them because something something patriarchy misogyny sexism. I’ve seen so many terfs take pride in the hatred they get, and it only solidifies their beliefs and turns others towards them. So no, constant “fuck terfs” posts don’t do any good. They just fuel the fire of the radfem oppression complex.

And it’s completely true that a lot of progressives actually would agree with radfem beliefs in full context, as long as it didn’t have “radfem/terf” attached onto it. And as long as it had nothing to do with trans people. Mainly anything talking about how evil men are.

Anyways, great points!!

[witchshork]

Who I am

So discovering who you are as a person is hard if you're not a straight cis white dude which I'm not. I've been raised in a very femistic household, in the most positive way. My family always empowered me and my sister. We were always encouraged to form our own opinions. But there's one thing that I struggle with and that's that all members of my family are cis and straight.

I knew for a long time that "heterosexual' wasn't me. But not because of the 'hetero' that wasn't difficult for me to find "yeah no I dont care". But what I was struggling with for a long time was "sexual".

I never connected with my classmates over that one hot boy, or over several people talking about their first time. I always thought everything that had to do with sex was just either lies or way over dramatised. When I finally discovered that there were others who felt like me I had just started dating my first person.

I was so happy I had a word "Asexual". Later on I changed from bi-sexual to panromantic. I felt so happy.

So my family is sweet and loving but also super hetero. The only person who I had a nice coming out with was my mother. I told after I broke up with my first person. She told me "I'm glad you found something that makes you feel comfortable." but in the same breath she talked to me how I could change and she wished that I didn't dislike or shame myself if I ever changed. So it wasn't a sort of "it's just a phase or you haven't met the tge right person thing" she just knew about my history of self hatred and didn't want me to go back.

But the rest of my family don't know, I mean they do but they don't. If you'd ask them what I was they'd probably say "bi". It's frustrating.

And now I've discovered something more. I've been thinking for so long. But again it's not something people will get. It won't change anything. And then there's the gate-keeping and general problems when you're not fitting neatly into a well known box.

So I've never thought that female was wrong for me. I've never thought that I'm not a girl, but I've also thought how I don't like to think of myself as a male either. Case closed, is probably what my family thinks or others.

I've said to others whom I treasure that I wouldn't call myself trans, because I respect and want to support everyone who's not accepted by society, I'm there with you. I'm an ace-pan on the autistic spectrum people have been ignoring me and treating me like I'm a lesser since I was small. I don't want anyone to feel like who they are is wrong. I hate the idea that trans people have to pass. And that's exactly why I've always just been like "my feelings aren't important"

I met a non-binary person last year, they became my best friend and roommate. I love them so much. And slowly the knot in my chest was loosening. I talked to them of how I was dsgusted with my chest. I've had this for a long time but always talked it down like "my hatred of my chest obviously isn't as bad as (other trans men/ non-binary people I know who have chest disphoria) because I was scared. I'm not saying that anyone's feelings about anything measure up to eachother. Measuring ypur feelings against others is just wrong. I was invalidating myself. That's not a good thing to do.

I discovered that I would like to use "they" as well as "she" but it's not like I can tell my family. Not that I'm scared, it's more like it would not make a difference to them. I'm still a girl and I'm not a boy so this doesn't change anything and they'd probably go like "what even is that" at me like they said when i came out as asexual.

So I don't want to put a box around me, though I like 'demi-girl' or bi-gender. I've been wishing for years to have a flat chest, and I've liked it when people mistook my gender. I liked that I confused others. That they couldn't bunch me in a box.

But to the people i love the most there's no point in telling them.

I absolutely hate the idea of a beard in my face (because of cosplay) I hate the idea. I have cosplayed both gandalf and cullen Rutherford and I just will not glue a beard to my face or paint it on me.

So I guess this was to say. I won't say I'm trans. But I'm also not cis.

[vampish-glamour]

The way some people talk about radfems/terfs or other such groups honestly makes me uncomfortable sometimes. Because they do attack them with sexist language often or just a lot of vitriol instead of just rebuking their ideology or simply saying they disagree and moving on or not engaging with them at all. And aside from giving them ammunition it makes me uncomfortable because they're obviously okay treating people however they see fit as long as they're the right targets.

You can disagree with radfems/terfs/swerfs, you can think their ideology is harmful, but there are some things you just shouldn't say or wish on anyone. On principle.

I also hate when there's a dumb post by a radfem like something along the lines of "men suck lol xo" or whatever and then someone starts responding like "lol men wouldn't want you anyway", it's dumb. It's petty on both sides. They're acting exactly the same in that instance. It's truly a two monkeys throwing their shit at each other moment. I wish they'd stop. It's less a sick own and more just a drawn out Tumblr version of the boys and girls thinking each other has cooties.

This!

I get it, radfem ideology sucks and we don’t like it and it’s harmful. But some of the things I’ve seen people say to radfems is downright disgusting.

Yes, terfs are often equally as awful to trans people… but what happened to not fighting fire with fire?

Going after people in such a manner really just gives them a reason to say “look!! Look how crazy everyone outside our group is!!”, and it pushes them further into their ideology as well as giving them a victim complex to take with them.

There’s a post somewhere on here about how when religious missionaries come to your door, the worst thing to do is play pranks on them, be rude to them, try to scare them, etc. Because they’ve been told the outside world is evil—and you’re only proving that concept right by acting out.

Same idea applies here. You want less people to be radfems? Don’t give them a reason to believe that the outside world is evil and out to get them. Otherwise you’re just going to push people towards radfem ideology.

And in general, it’s just not good to be throwing sexist, cruel, and sexual insults at people. It doesn’t actually do anything except make the person doing the insulting look like an asshole.

You make a really good point saying “they’re obviously okay treating people however they see fit as long as they’re the right targets”. Believe me, this behaviour isn’t only reserved for terfs. People tend to paint anyone who disagrees with them as “the bad guy”, and will give them similar treatment. Just look through posts in the transmed, exclusionist, battleaxe bi, and other similar tags. People are vile. As long as you’re seen as a Big Bad—they’re going to treat you as such.

So again, yes radfems are terrible. Yes, they often aren’t all that respectful themselves. But don’t fight fire with fire, and don’t give anybody a reason to call you the bad one in the situation.