#performing what thoughtfulness and introspection and self-awareness looks like. not what it actually means to possess those qualities

[psalmsofpsychosis]

me in this corner on my knees like fellas, i'm literally begging you, please interpret things, dont just fucking swallow stories and essays and media and all kinds of fucking information without giving it two tiny winy thoughts

[prince-of-elsinore]

Sam and Dean: psychological analysis and headcanons

In response to this anon ask from the 66 SPN Questions:

6. Do you have any psychological headcanons (or canon interpretations) of the characters?

Anon, this is probably not what you asked for. But I started writing, and kept finding more I wanted to say, until I thought--why not just say it all? And by all, I  don't actually mean all--this is by no means exhaustive. But it was a wonderful, self-indulgent opportunity to organize my thoughts on Sam and Dean's psychologies, and even find some new ideas as I was writing, and to put them out there so others can read and discuss. (Always happy to discuss any of this! Inbox is open.)

As a disclaimer, I know most of these thoughts are probably not original and may be retreads of many things fandom has been discussing for years. I'm not claiming to be breaking new ground here. Also, I sorta float backwards and forwards chronologically in my discussion--some parts pertain more to them when they're young, some to when they're older, and I don't always clarify which. Also, these are generalizations! I point out patterns I notice; that doesn't make them all hard and fast rules, because Sam and Dean are each human and complex!

Here's what you'll find below:

1. Core motivations 2. Happiness 3. Approval and secrets 4. Approval from authority figures 5. Need and attachment re: others 6. Sympathy and empathy 7. Walls—hiding vs. performing 8. Need and attachment re: each other 9. Ambitions and goals 10. Normality and monstrosity 11. Guilt and self-loathing 12. Autonomy and sacrifice 13. Personal identity 14. Concluding observation

1. Core motivations: Dean’s purpose is to protect Sam, obviously. Sam’s purpose, though a little less clear, is to save Dean. Sometimes it’s explicit, as in s3 and s9-10. But I think Sam also wants to save Dean, in general, from himself and from the life. It’s why he pushes against Dean’s obedience to their father. It’s why he tells him to get out and go to Lisa after he jumps in the Cage. At a certain point, I think Sam accepts he can’t “save” Dean without changing who he is, so he chooses to stick by him—because at least then he can make Dean happy.

2. Happiness: Dean’s happiness—or perhaps contentment is a better word—is knowing that Sam is safe and alive. Sam’s happiness is Dean being happy. In Sam’s world, things are good when Dean’s good. I think that, conversely, Dean wants Sam to be happy, and Sam wants Dean to be safe, but they both know and to an extent accept that those things are not within their control, so they focus on what they feel they can control.

3. Approval and secrets: They are each other’s north stars, guiding principles, in different ways. For Dean it’s “look out for Sammy,” for Sam it’s “what would my big brother think/do.” Dean doesn’t need Sam’s approval. Sure, he loves it when Sam admires him, but if he feels he needs to do something against Sam’s approval, he doubles down because approval from Sam is not the top priority. He’ll do what he thinks is right, especially to keep Sam safe, no matter what Sam thinks about it. Sam, on the other hand, does crave Dean’s approval and cares very much about his opinion. It doesn’t mean he won’t go against Dean (all the conflict of s1-5!), but it affects him differently. This leads to different kinds of secret-keeping: Sam goes behind Dean’s back to avoid his disapproval; Dean goes behind Sam’s back so that Sam doesn’t interfere with what he thinks needs to be done.

4. Approval from authority figures: Dean does crave approval from others—specifically, respected authority figures. The big one is obviously John. I think in a way it’s Mary, too, when she comes back. But it only applies as long as the person has his respect. Sam doesn’t crave approval from other authorities in the same way, perhaps because his primary authority figure growing up was Dean.

5. Need and attachment re: others: Sam is the only person Dean cannot live without, but he also makes outside connections of a friendly nature fairly easily. He’s the more socially outgoing brother who latches onto people like Gordon, gets friendly with Ash, and forges connections with Jo and Charlie, just to name a few (and Castiel at times—though their relationship is so inconsistent and often convenience-based I hesitate to include it in this category). Though Sam is Dean’s core need, I do think Dean thrives with other friendships. I’m not talking about found family, though I’m well aware of Dean’s tendency to call people “family” quite readily. Honestly, I think this is a manifestation of his craving for connection with others. Dean has an affectionate and playful nature, and let’s face it, Sam isn’t always super receptive to that—so naturally, Dean seeks out people who are. (I think this is also, in some cases, related to Dean’s craving for approval from others). Of course, none of those other relationships come close to the depth of his relationship with Sam, and when his relationship with Sam is at its best, I don’t think Dean really needs anything else to sustain him. But in reality, it can’t always be at its best.

Sam, on the other hand, doesn’t forge outside connections easily—but when he does, they tend to be deeper than Dean’s easy casual associations (even when Dean has real affection for someone, he tends to keep the tone of the relationship light). It’s pretty clear Sam was a loner kid, and I imagine it took him a while to find friends at Stanford, and even though he loved Jessica he still clearly kept many secrets. That’s the thing with Sam—he’s got walls. Dean’s got his own walls, but they’re different. Sam can seem emotionally open, but he protects his innermost self very carefully and rarely puts his emotions out there in a truly open way—even less than Dean does. I think this is a consistent personality trait for Sam, not one born of trauma (though perhaps exacerbated by it at times). In fact, it’s in later seasons that I see Sam finally, in rare moments, let down those walls, with Rowena and Jack. When he’s young, I think this was partially a coping mechanism he developed for hiding his desires/feelings, even from himself, because he was so unhappy with his life. It means that even though he’s an introspective guy, he’s not as self-aware as he thinks he is until he’s older and more mature. He’s very good at self-deception when he’s young, because as a thinker, he can convince himself of just about anything.

To circle back to attachment, what this means to me is that Sam, while he certainly appreciates close friendships and has a lot to offer those he cares about, doesn’t crave friends in the way that Dean does. I think he desires to be understood (this is a natural human need) but he’s much more comfortable with himself than Dean is, and is somewhat of a loner by nature. This means he’s also not (usually) going to be too affected by the status of his relationships with others. Dean is much more volatile and easily hurt by others (this is where Castiel is a great example).

6. Sympathy and empathy: On the surface, Sam appears to be the caring, sensitive brother, while Dean is brash and insensitive. This is a very incomplete picture, however. It mostly comes down to the difference between sympathy and empathy. Empathy is an involuntary response, whereas sympathy is something that a person chooses to express, though that doesn’t make it necessarily superficial—it also comes from an emotional place. Dean tends to be more empathetic, and Sam more sympathetic. Dean, despite his performative walls, is more easily affected on a visceral level by others’ emotions. He is more sensitive, more easily hurt or swayed to anger, and also more easily experiences empathy. This has nothing to do with what Dean thinks is right—it’s another involuntary emotion. He is sometimes moved to express this feeling, but he’s not generally concerned about appearing sympathetic. Sam, with his careful emotional walls, isn’t generally so viscerally affected by others, but he is kind. This is expressed as sympathy, because he cares about others’ feelings, and he wants to be good/morally right. On the one hand, it comes from an intellectual place—“it’s socially acceptable/morally right to express care for this person” (which Dean is less likely to care about)—and on the other, it is an emotional response—“I know what that feels like”—but a more regulated one than empathy, where one almost directly experiences another’s emotions.

7. Walls—hiding vs. performing: It’s interesting that both brothers have their own walls, which they construct as a form of self-preservation, but they have different levels of effectiveness in protecting themselves from outside influence. One difference might lie in what the walls were built in reaction to. Sam built his walls at a young age to separate himself from the outside world because, ironically, it was precisely what he desired, but was not allowed to have. He therefore consciously distanced himself from it, to dull the pain of not having it. The goal of those walls was to have something to hide behind, where he could remain generally unnoticed, so he could conceal his pain from outsiders and even from his family.

Dean took a little longer to build his walls—or at least to consciously do so. He already no doubt fashioned himself after his dad as a kid, and often put on a brave face—for Sam, for his father—when he was not feeling brave. He therefore became accustomed to performing at a young age, and performed many roles for both Sam’s and John’s benefit. He was unconsciously building walls with these performances, concealing his true feelings and desires. Later, I think this started to become more intentional, especially in relations with women/sex partners and especially after the Stanford split, as Dean realized how vulnerable to hurt his sensitive nature made him. It was much safer to perform all the time, and never let his real feelings show. For Dean, even more than Sam, I think he often lost sight of what those real feelings were behind the walls as he tried his best to be the performance he was putting on.

For a visual metaphor, I think of it this way: Sam is a boy at the center of a self-constructed labyrinth. He is almost always able to maintain control over how close people get (except when a few slip past his defenses, at which point he may be susceptible to manipulation). Despite all those elaborate passageways, though, there’s still Sam at the center. It’s lonely there, but he knows himself pretty well at least. Dean is a man in a mask who wants the mask to be his real face. He does everything he can to fuse himself and the mask together. They probably are fused at this point, so it would hurt to take the mask off. His memory of the face under the mask is hazy. He’s afraid, if he looks under the mask, he’ll hate what he sees. He’s lonely because no matter how close others get—and he lets them in close, can surround himself with people—none of them will ever see his true face. But he’s convinced himself it’s better this way, because if anyone saw his face, they’d hate it.

8. Need and attachment re: each other: Clearly, both brothers need each other. Sam’s need for Dean is different than Dean’s need for Sam, though. The way I see it, Dean’s need is one that requires reassurance. Perhaps it traces back to the concern about Sam instilled into him at a young age. I think it was strongly exacerbated by the Stanford split, when Dean realized his and Sam’s desires didn’t align. In Dean’s mind, Sam left once and can do it again—he’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sam, on the other hand, has always been able to rely on Dean as a rock, a constant in his life—to the point that, in a way, he takes it for granted when he’s younger. Not in a spoilt, ungrateful way, but in that way that we, as children, might take our parents for granted—they’re always going to be there, right? That’s why, on the few occasions where suddenly, Sam isn’t sure of Dean’s devotion, the rug is ripped out from under him and he’s completely adrift and distraught—seasons 4 and 8 come to mind. Sam needs to be the center of Dean’s universe. When he fears that that’s shifted, that Dean hates him or has chosen someone else over him, it turns Sam’s whole world upside down. For Dean, the fear is that Sam will leave, but it’s a constant, background worry. For Sam, the fear is that Dean will hate him, but since he can usually count on Dean to be obsessed with him, it only comes up now and again. Only Dean can truly hurt Sam, while Dean is vulnerable to hurt from others—though, as always, the deepest hurt can only come from Sam.

9. Ambitions and goals: Sam is the one with greater needs and ambitions outside the scope of their relationship. For Dean, if he’s got Sam and he’s got hunting, he’s content. His greatest accomplishments are taking care of Sam and saving people, and that’s all he needs. I see Sam as craving other sources of fulfillment, though—academic/lore study for its own sake (the pursuit of knowledge), and a leadership/mentorship role. I thought it was very fitting that Sam finds these in late seasons, with leading hunters against the BMOL, then leading the apocalypse AU hunters, then mentoring/nurturing Jack. Dean has always had (and needed) a mentor/leadership/nurturing role with Sam, but Sam also thrives when he’s able to step into that role for others.

10. Normality and monstrosity: I’m just going to link to this post rather than repeat myself.

11. Guilt and self-loathing: This is something they both struggle with and at times, are defined by, but it manifests differently. I think their Hell traumas exemplify their different brands of guilt: for Dean, it’s perpetrator’s guilt. He knows he did something terrible and feels he can never atone for his past actions. For Sam, it’s victim’s/survivor’s guilt. He may not have done anything wrong, but there’s a certain amount of self-blame, especially for perceived weakness. This is another theme for Sam; one of the main faults he sees in himself is weakness—too weak to save Dean from Hell for instance—and as a result tries to shoulder things alone (killing Lilith, Hallucifer, etc). Sam has a need to fix things, to prove to others and himself that he is capable. Dean, I think, sees his main fault as neediness, but really, it’s a deeply buried sense of innate worthlessness. He was taught from a young age that his brother’s life—not his own—was of the utmost value. He internalized that his life was only worthwhile if he could save others, and has trouble with the idea that he, himself, has value beyond what he can do for others.

12. Autonomy and sacrifice: The above leads Dean to have a very constrained sense of his own autonomy. In general, he values duty/loyalty to others over autonomy (although when it comes to cosmic beings, he’s all about free will—see this post if you want more thoughts on that, and Sam’s autonomy). Often, his desire to control others comes from a place of frustration when Dean feels they are neglecting duty/being selfish. I think partially duty towards others is really a deeply ingrained value for him, but there may also be some buried jealousy at play, in that Dean wishes he could act with more freedom, put himself first every once in a while, but doesn’t know how to. Sam tends to value autonomy over duty (this doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in any sort of responsibility—he’s willing to sacrifice for the greater good, after all).  This means he also tends to respect others’ autonomy, though we all know he can get plenty unhinged where his brother’s safety is concerned. The theme of Sam and autonomy has been talked to death so I’ll stop there, but you can click the link above if you want more.

13. Personal identity: One of Dean’s biggest struggles is with how much of his personal identity is received rather than self-determined. He is tasked with taking care of Sam and he is trained to be a hunter; these become the foundations of his identity. He says it himself: taking care of Sam is not just what he does but who he is. Then in season 3, his own subconscious mocks him for his lack of originality, styling himself and all he loves after his father, showing that this is a source of deep insecurity. This discomfort with himself contributes to his fear of being abandoned and left alone with himself. He doesn’t know who he is without Sam—or rather, is convinced he is nothing without Sam, which is why he fights so hard to keep him by his side. It also contributes to his general desire for friends, or better, family: people who won’t abandon him.

Later in the series, I think Dean has come to embrace his genuine self more. He’s nerdy and excitable and playful—and I don’t see this is as regression, but rather a healthy embracing of what makes him happy—not tastes inherited from his father. If it seems juvenile, it’s because it’s the first time in his life he’s allowed himself to express and explore these things. I think his relationship with hunting is also healthier; it’s no longer something he does because it’s the only thing that can give him worth. He does it because he believes it’s right and genuinely wants to help people. He has a more complete sense of self, and while it’s still totally tied up in Sam, he has gained some self-worth.

[I should note that basically everything I’ve written about Dean supports the headcanon that Dean has BPD—a headcanon I accepted after I realized this. For some more great writing on Dean and BPD, see this post by @venhedish.]

Sam has always known what he wanted for himself and rejected what was given to/allowed him. Wanting what he couldn’t have, from a young age, helped him develop an individual sense of self, not defined by others. I think it’s this difference in their sense of individual identity that leads some viewers to think that Dean loves Sam more than Sam loves Dean. He doesn’t, and losing Dean is just as huge a loss and a grief for Sam as losing Sam was for Dean. Dean is central to Sam’s life, and he can’t feel complete without him; however, his identity and every desire has never revolved as entirely around Dean as Dean’s has around him, so Sam has a foundational sense of self that even losing Dean can’t completely destroy. It’s what allows him to rebuild in grief and carry on (whereas I have no doubt Jensen’s right and Dean would waste away in the back of a pool hall without Sam). Dean’s central role in Sam’s life never disappears, though, and it is, in fact, what allows Sam to carry on; an effort to honor his brother’s memory, living in a way that would make him proud. There’s continuity in that for Sam; the craving for his brother’s approval and happiness never disappears. Seeking those things is what makes Sam happy, both in their domestic years together before Dean’s death and in the years after. They are both, after all, co-dependent!

14: Concluding observation: Sam and Dean have many similar issues, desires, and insecurities: the desire for a normal life, the fear of their own monstrosity, the desire for love and friendship, their need and love for each other, their desire for approval/to be admired, resentment at their childhood, the feeling of being impure and unworthy, the desire for freedom, issues with bodily autonomy. Sometimes these are seen as the purview of one brother or the other exclusively, but that’s almost never true when you consider canon as a whole. The difference is in how these things are internalized, sublimated, reflected, and expressed for each of them. It makes sense they would struggle with so many of the same things, because their lives are deeply intertwined and they are in the same boat most of the time.

[scorpiosanssexy]

Pick a card reading: What makes you so attractive to others + bnha characters who would highkey simp for you

Hiya i am back, this spread basically highlights all of your attractive qualities about yourself (and yes you do have them) with the added additon of a hidden talent and how you can better love yourself. 

My favourite part of this reading is at the bottom I have included My hero characters that would very much swoon if you even spoke to them (in other words they have a crush). 

I was going to do 4 piles for this reading but everytime i tried to do the 4th one i kept getting really bad headaches so i decided against it. 

All you need to do is look at the anime food photos infront of you and pick the one you were first drawn to and then scroll below to your reading. I hope you enjoy it and that this reading does reasonate with you.

Stay safe and healthy

Pile 1 (Watermelon)

Why you are so amazing

The traits and simply make you, you. 

The Sun: I literally squealed when this card came out of the deck, like chaotic babies unite. This card represents all things happy, you just have this cheerful personality that brings so much joy to others like even with the doom and gloom around us you still manage to keep on smiling which is honestly a massive talent. For some reason (if there are any MHA fans in the building) I thought of Mirio who is always so upbeat and ready to help others in need, I feel like this is definitely you. To me, the idea of being a really good storyteller came into my mind like the sun represents the performative aspects of life so just naturally grabbing that audience's attention is something you are so good at and I am never ever bored in your company. Looking at the picture of the card there is a little child riding a horse, you have this childlike innocence and curiosity which is the most adorable thing ever but I feel like sometimes people underestimate your intelligence and capabilities. I would like to say that the child on the card is sitting in a very confident manner and is controlling the horse with ease which suggests to me that you do have this deep maturity about you too which people tend to forget, the fact you can go from loud and upbeat to quiet and introspective is so cool and amazing as Hannah Montana says “you got to live the best of both worlds”. One final message is that it is ok to feel sad and that you don’t have to be optimistic all the time, you are not a burden and many people will rush towards you full of love and support. 

Page of Swords: seeing this card after drawing the sun made a lot of sense in my mind, the page represents youthful energy and the swords are all to do with our intellect and abstract concepts (like of like air in astrology) so you might be a bit of a bookworm or you like to learn more about things like tarot or astrology. What I can say is that you know a little about a lot which is super amazing because you always have some random fact tucked into your brain, you would be great on a quiz team. You are so witty and funny too like I can imagine people are always bent over laughing whenever they are in your company and if you do not believe me then I can guarantee that is what they say to other people when talking about how cool you are. Quite the chatterbox on your school reports I can imagine the teacher said that you may have “talked a bit too much” but you can’t help it, you do love to socialise. Looking at the picture on the card the page is surrounded with clouds so I can imagine you are a little bit of a daydreamer which is very endearing and sweet you can’t help it physics the last thing on a Friday is just so incredibly boring, you come up with the grandest ideas and no one knows how like why didn’t they think of that you are a natural outside the box thinker. Lastly, I think the Page of Swords is a very good problem solver sure it might not be the most straightforward solution if you solve your problems in a way which works for you, you do not follow convention and are proud to be an innovator and that deserves a reward in itself. 

The Lovers: the most romantic card in the whole deck, my goodness you are a hopeless romantic, you love to daydream about all the possibilities and you might also believe in soulmates, personally I think it is very sweet and we need more idealist in this world because sometimes reality can seem so bleak. I just know in my heart that you would be one of the best s/o ‘s ever like you would do all the cute romantic gestures like buying roses and leaving cute notes around their room like I am actually gonna go and squeal in a pillow because of how precious you are. The Lovers also indicate that you know who you are and you know what your morals are, whilst you may be an idealist you don’t let people walk all over you that’s for sure, you stand up for yourselves and for others and are the voice for the people who cannot be heard. You make a very good public speaker too (you should give it a go deffo) and are very clever with your words as the Lovers are ruled by Gemini. A scenario which popped into my head was somebody thinking you flirted with them but in actual fact, you were just being friendly. Looking at the picture of the card the background appears to look like the garden of Eden for some odd reason the first kind of trait is you being able to make yourself at home anywhere. The Garden of Eden represents paradise so like you can naturally find your “paradise” in a different location or with a group of people perhaps the word I am looking for is spontaneous whatever it is I feel like that is something you can do. My last message is that you sometimes doubt yourself and your decision-making skills. What I have to say is that trust your intuition and go for it, don’t get too caught up in your head because you do not need to, you have excellent observation skills already. 

Hidden Talent

Perhaps something you might not have been aware of 

Knight of Swords: You are very ambitious, I feel like many people do not see that due to your sunny exterior but once you have a goal in mind there is no stopping you. You remind me of the Queen song “Don’t stop me now” like your life is always so fast-paced. When the situation calls for it you can leave that page of sword persona and step up into the role of the knight and take charge of the situation. You are assertive and direct as I think some of you reading this reading today may feel like you are a bit of a doormat but I can confidently say you are not. Also, you are extremely intellectual, you may not be academically intelligent but it’s more that you are very eloquent and can debate with ease, like you can break down someone else’s point and explain how they contradict one another or how they don’t add up. On the card itself, the knight is wearing the colour blue, according to colour theory blue is representative of Logic and wisdom. Another big indicator of how smart you really are not a himbo by any means. You do have a very logical side to yourself that perhaps you don’t even realise you are using like you are very good reasoning out things (sorry that this is so vague my mind had gone all foggy). Blue is also a very calm colour so you are definitely a very tranquil kind of person too, you do not stress out often and you don’t let high-pressure situations get the better of you. You truly are cool as a cucumber. Writing this currently, I feel so peaceful, like you create a sanctuary for people. 

How to love yourself

We all have our down days so here are some tips and tricks to make you feel better 

2 of Coins: I feel like the universe here has kind of given you two options here. Usually, this card indicates a need to be flexible and have to juggle things around if in this case I do not believe it is your message. I wanted to look at the image, especially the two pictures inside the coins. The first one is the weighing scales which are perfectly balanced which I interpreted as being the symbol of Libra. Being patient with yourself and saying kind words to yourself can be very healing, a tactic could maybe leave post notes in nice places so whenever you walk around the room. Definitely pamper yourself when you deserve it. The message I am getting from this card is that you are too harsh on yourself and never give yourself the self care you deserve, get that face mask and blast a bit of Megan, be the princess/prince you deserve to be. On the other part of the coin is a picture of a big moon with a tiny sun in the middle, my interpretation comes back to the sun card and you feel like you always have to hold this cheery facade. The moon represents our emotions specifically our anxieties and fears with it being bigger so with it being the bigger image I feel like in order to love yourself you are going to need to express your emotions in a healthy way whatever mechanism works best for you, for me ranting to a close friend always helps but other people prefer to journal or use a creative outlet which is fine too. Lastly, as I mentioned at the top the 2 of coins indicates that you have lots of projects in your life so maybe if you immerse yourself in those you can unlock the true path to good self esteem. 

Bnha characters who highkey have a crush on you 

Bakugou, Jirou, Shindo, Shigaraki and Midnight (maybe sir nighteye) 

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Pile 2 (Ramen)

Why you are so amazing 

The traits that simply make you, you

The Star with the 2 of Swords: these cards both fell out at the exact same time with the star on top and the 2 of swords behind so I decided to use the swords card as a clarifier one. I say this about a lot of the cards but i can tell that the star is one of my faves 100% it represents hope, creativity and calm. The first kind of trait that came into my head when this card popped out is that you always shine wherever you go, you are just gifted at everything, some of you think you may be the burnt out gifted child but you are not, you still glow even if you can’t see it yourself and people are in awe (and somewhat intimidated by you) because of your success and achievements. Looking into the actual meaning you are the type of person to never give up, the star is a sign that your wishes are coming into fruition, if something doesn’t go according to plan you do not dwell on it too much and brush yourself up again and carry on which is amazing considering the circumstances we are in. The word I was looking for is resilient and persistent. You don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thing. You have a calming disposition and I imagine your role is the mediator of the friendship, like you just have the most soothing presence. I want to go into more detail about the fact the star is ruled by Aquarius because that fact seems to keep sticking out for me, I trait we never talk about in regards to aquarius is that they can in fact be great leaders, they are the trendsetters of the zodiac so I feel like you prefer to live life your own way rather than copy others which I admire you for because going against the current is hard. Because of your actions I feel like  you inspire others whenever you know this or not (spoiler alert you do). Another thing that has sprung to my mind is that I feel like you can be quite mysterious. Everybody is so intrigued by you wanting to know what is going on in your mind. With the 2 of swords being there too, it usually indicates that a decision needs to be made however looking at the picture the lady is confidently holding the 2 swords which suggests to me that you are a very decisive person and once you set your mind to something there is no stopping you. You are much more talented than you give yourself credit for so never stop shining.

The Hierophant: this made me very intrigued about your reading when this card fell because the star and the hierophant kind of have contrasting energies since the H is ruled by Taurus. The Hierophant stands for knowledge and education, you probably take your studies quite seriously or you naturally maintain good grades throughout the year (which i think is so cool), you are the person who forms a study group to help their dumbass friends  so that they don’t fail the finals and honestly as someone who is a member of the dumbass friend squad without people like you in the world I wouldn’t have any educational qualifications. Helping others is second nature to you, always quick to give a helping hand with those in need. The Hierophant is a responsible figure so that in turn means so are you, you always make sure that everything is done on time and that your drunk friends get home safely, others may say you can be a little bit too serious but I have to disagree, your organisation skills are amazing and if I ever met you you will probably be my idol. Looking at this cards ruling sign Taurus, not a lot of people realise how ambitious a taurus can be (most people think quite the latter but remember there is a reason that taurus is an earth sign), you have big plans for yourself and I feel like you definitely prioritise your career over other aspects of yourlife, your drive and commitment to yourself and others is truly amazing and promise me you won’t be too hard on yourself because as some random kardashian once said “you are doing amazing sweetie”. 

Knight of Pentacles: this card is the CEO of detail, the knight is a figure who is very happy to serve the king and with it being in the suits of pentacles no detail will be missed out. You are incredibly observant of others one example that popped into my head is that you can tell what others are thinking through either body language or just how they communicate (take this if it resonates with you) or maybe you are simply very organised. Either way your amazing perception is something that goes unnoticed by others so I believe this card fell from the deck as a chance to give you the credit you deserve. You are incredibly hard working, the knight is always alert and on duty so no matter the day of the week you are working, it can be school work or passion projects you are constantly trying to achieve the best version of yourself, make sure you have a break and have a kit kat y’know. The knight is patient who works diligently towards his goals which I think you very much channel, like you are so kind and patient towards anyone, always offering to listen to other people’s problems and offering them first class advice (which is something I am very jelly of in a good way). The message I get from this is that you are so patient with others so please be patient with yourself, don’t push yourself so hard that your self esteem begins to suffer because you do not deserve that. 

Hidden Talents

Perhaps something you might not have been aware of 

The High Priestess: this card is such a badass card, like the high priestess is the CEO of intuition and all that jazz, your bullshit detector is off the radar and the even cooler thing you don’t even know it. This isn’t to say you should be distrustful of every single person you meet but if you have a gut feeling I say you should stick with it as mother nature has blessed you out of this world intuition. The high priestess represents having inner power, the picture on the card shows her sitting in her chair very assured. To other people you come across as having this quiet confidence, you do not boast about your talents through words however you bring them forward with actions, I feel like people are secretly in awe of you. Coming back to the picture the high priestess is mostly wearing teal (including her dress and her accessories), typically the colour teal represents elegance and politeness which is something you 100% possess ( a true lady/gentlemen) however reading more into the psychology behind this colour one line really stuck out to me - “Teal is a slightly unconventional colour, you value your uniqueness and don’t wish to fit in the crowd”, whilst you may have a serious demeanor it doesn’t me you are boring by any means, it could be the way your express your style via clothing that is unique or perhaps you have a secret niche interest that not many people know about. Whatever it is, you are a very interesting and complex person and you are definitely a lot more than meets the eye. 

How to love yourself

We all have our off days, so here is some tips and tricks on how to feel better

The Star: I found it so amazing that this card came out again in a different deck, the message when I saw the 2 star cards just confirmed to me that you don’t realise how amazing you are, like you are constantly downplaying yourself because you are so incredible modest, like you are so much better than you think you are and you deserve all the joy in the world. The star in tarot represents hope and affirmations, somebody praising you definitely makes your day. (this message just came to me when i was writing this), society constantly tells us not to out looking for external praise and to be happy with ourselves it has to come from within but I slightly disagree on this standpoint, I believe you guys lack that external validation in your life, so when someone does praise you it really has a big impact. Getting complimented is a good thing and you deserve every single one of them. Getting back on track, looking closely at the picture the lady is pretty much naked except for a blue ribbon covering her “private parts”, to me this is an indication that you should show off, like put on a pretty dress (or whatever clothing makes you feel the most comfortable) and get some beyonce on and pretend you are a victoria secrets angel, release the inner diva, do something bougie, get your nails done. Honestly you guys deserve the spotlight (if you want that) or either the right to feel confident, like just go dancing and let all that negative energy out through your movements. I wanted to have a look at the blue ribbon in more detail, blue is a colour that represents calmness and tranquility, so any activities that make you in a calm or soothing state will really help you too. It could be the classical calming activities such as guided meditation or a really nice hot bubble bath but my sister says she finds shopping to be very relaxing, so whatever hobby or thing makes you fall into this state could also really help increase the self-esteem here. 

Bnha characters who highkey have a crush on you

Monoma, Uraraka, Hawks, Mina and Sero 

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Pile 3 (Pasta)

Why are you so amazing

What traits make you, you

The Emperor: the emperor card represents structure, stability and authority. I feel like a lot of you picking this reading are quite shocked that this card came out, like I feel like you might not think of yourself as the most stable person (especially during these uncertain times) however I do not think you give yourself enough credit. You thrive under following a strict schedule and always follow through on your goals (for some reason I feel like you might have a very extensive writing blog, like your masterlists are all extremely organised). You naturally bring stability to others though, I keep getting the phrase “you are my rock” and you are always there if anyone needs you. Of course this doesn’t make you a doormat by any means in fact quite the latter, the emperor is a man of action and leadership, you are a natural leader and always know the exact action to take in regards to a situation, a problem solver, people come to you for when they need to seek answers and get stuff done. The emperor serves the kingdom fairly thus he facts rationally in regards to making decisions. You are perhaps on the more logical side and are not too rash when it comes to your emotions, an aloof and calculated person, many people are in awe of your authoritative aura you have around you. You are extremely fair and just too, not a cold person at all, if someone wrongs you or your loved ones they are getting the treatment they deserve, we are so blessed to have you as an incredibly loyal person in this world. For some of you I highkey think you are into things that involve strategies or methodical thinking a couple of things that came to mind were Jigsaw puzzles, chess or solving rubik's cubes but sports and other hobbies do use this critical thinking as well, also I feel like you might be extremely passionate about it too. The emperor is ruled by aries so you are a person of action, you hate the idea of sitting around and I feel like you are never afraid to take on a challenge which is extremely admirable because many people are afraid of failure but you don’t see it as that, you see it has another chance to prove yourself and honestly as I am typing this out I am feeling so motivated to do something badass. Best hype man period. (Also i couldn’t help but think of commander erwin smith when i was writing this so maybe you kin this man a little bit) 

Seven of Swords: now this card in tarot is basically referring to someone being a backstabbing little shit but actually I think this highkey is a very badass card to come out of the deck in regards to what makes you so amazing. This card indicates scheming and coming up with a strategy which to me empathises how intelligent you are. You have some extremely high IQ or you naturally incredibly street smart either way your intellect is something to be marveled. Unlike pile number 2 I would not say you are studious but are the type of person who can have like 2 hours sleep and come in and do a test and still pass with flying colours. With this card, I feel like you are two steps ahead of everyone else, I can imagine that you sort of go into this mind palace like sherlock holmes where you connect all the loose threads, out of this world deduction skills, like how do you do it I will never know??? Definitely very good actors, like you can turn on the charm if need be and honestly you guys are super badass, you are the one person I believe who could actually survive animes such as Attack on Titan or the promised neverland.

Seven of Pentacles: Whenever I see this card in a personal reading of me it’s the universe’s way of telling me to stop being an impatient bitch and keep working. You sure do put up with a lot of shit, I 100% think that within your friendship you are the voice of reason and honestly you deserve a nobel peace prize. Seven of Pentacles indicates a need for looking more into the future, a long term perspective, you deffo play the long game, thinking before you leap and taking into consideration the consequences of your actions. You know where to invest your time in and make excellent planners, the archetype that has come into my brain is the chess master, you just know how to move each piece or in this instance know exactly what endeavours to pursue in life. The lady on the card looks very at rest despite all the work she has done, to me this indicates that you make a lot of things look really easy, perhaps you have a niche hobby that you have perfected over the years or maybe you are naturally an elegant person. What I can tell you is that whatever sort of work you present is bougie as fuck, wherever it be a writing for tumblr or some artwork it always looks so damn professional (your talent makes me go on all starry eyed). Lastly, I feel like your motto is “slow and steady is the race”, you would rather take slightly longer on a project then finish it quickly with lots of errors, definitely a perfectionist. 

Hidden Talent

 Perhaps something you might have not been aware of 

The Chariot: the first thoughts that came to mind is that you are incredibly hard working and have lots of self discipline, many people believe you were always just naturally good at stuff not seeing the sweat and tears that has got you to your amazing level now, for instance you are extremely charming however this wasn’t a gift you were born with but something you learnt. The lady pictured on the card was wearing gold armour, the colour gold was really standing out to me so I decided to include this within the interpretation. The colour gold means triumph and success, to me this shows that when you put your talents to good use (towards a goal) the world becomes your oyster, the universe has gifted you the resources now you just have to pick up and use them. Also within the picture, there were 2 horses white and black, to me the colours represent divine feminie energy (emotions) and divine masculine energy (logic), the lady has control of the horses which shows that you have good control over both logic and emotions and don’t let one over power the other one. The spiritual guide of the horse shows that you are actually an extremely passionate person, I feel like you may have a slightly apathetic appearance so people can get quite shocked when they see you all fired up and ready to go, but you are. You look towards the future and never let the past hold you back, you are always ready for battle and just like the chariot you charge on ahead never looking back. The chariot card is ruled by Cancer, I feel like you are a very good listener, people are surprised at how comforting you can actually be, you do look out for your friends and just want to make sure they are healthy and well. You truly treasure those close around you and will take the bullet for any of them, I literally feel so emotionally writing this and honestly words cannot describe how amazing you are.

How to love yourself

We all have our down days, so here are some tips and tricks to help us feel better

10 of Cups: this is literally the happy ending card (that's my nickname for it). 10 of cups represents family and emotional fulfilment. The first message that came to mind in regards to loving yourself was listing things that you are grateful for, as someone who has low self esteem issues I know this can be extremely difficult but you need to dig deep. If you have trouble starting off taking personality quizzes can be a good start, my personal faves our the myer briggs (do not take 16personalities it isn’t accurate) and the jungian archetypes (i got the Jester), you can see some good traits from these quiz results which could help you start your list. What was really prominent on this card was the peace sign that was in the background, this could be an indication that may need to find peace with yourself or perhaps try to find peace around you, with the chaos that has been COVID you may have lost your balance in life, the cups aren’t standing up right. Perhaps your sleep schedule has gone out the window or you are skipping lunch most days ( I am guilty of doing this too), try by fixing your daily routine, this could be by going to bed 1 hour earlier or maybe making sure you go outside at least once a day. I definitely think that will increase your overall morale and thus the confidence will make a comeback. Spending time with your family is another theme of this card, I understand that some family members can be a pain however talking to them just having a normal conversation could really help forge better relationships with them. Be happy with the here and now because contentment is right under your nose. 

BNHA characters that would highkey have a crush on you  

Deku, Toga, Iida, Miriko and Dabi

[jackedspicer]

C.B.H.!

new chowder oc dropped. Youre gonna hate this guy so much

first of all, corned beef hash is a character that my siblings @collectiveazaelas​ & @castingcomets​ and i have collaborated on making. from the bottom of our hearts, we hope you hate him as much as we do

at first glance, corned beef hash serves as a narrative foil to ms rhubarb. his initial conception centered loosely around antagonizing her, but his personality quickly grew beyond that. he is a beast unto himself and others. his only goal is to be self serving and (intentionally) get in the way of others in his life, primarily the other OCs kumquat and pimento, but also canon characters as well. he does this not out of spite or dislike for others, but rather it’s just because he can, and it is often times the fastest route to his goal. he is the freudian id, if the id had a sense of self control and awareness (though he does occasionally blip out on the latter). 

cbh's age isnt exactly clear. he exists in the comically broad adult world that most of marzipan city seems to: anywhere from 25-2500; whos to say? he graduated valedictorian from law school. around this time, he terrorized his dormmate (and future "friend"), pimento (a ram-like man with a few loose screws), to the point of dropping out and going into the culinary field, as "a kitchen during rush hour is still less stressful than sharing a living space with cbh." cbh is at times a petty thief, and at times a criminal mastermind - it depends on his current "schemes" and what is funny at the time. he knows the law to the letter and sometimes uses it to his advantage. though others sometimes think he is a temperamental idiot, most actions are done through thought-out choice and by utilizing his own strengths.

He has a stand in the farmer’s market at which he sells an assortment of mysterious wares and occasionally baked goods that are Evil & Wrong. The quality of his stock ranges anywhere between genuine artifacts to actual garbage from the dumpster, which he will then try to “spruce up” and sell as something more. He’s a hustler no doubt, and he earns his supply through meticulous dumpster-diving, talking down prices at thrift stores, and general vaguely-illegal tomfoolery. At times, he’ll get his hands on elusive items, and how he accomplishes this is seldom explained (he once was arrested and jailed for 12 days because he “accidentally” was selling illegal dognip). He frequently enlists in Kumquat’s help in his various endeavors and typically has her do the dirty work. For example, one of their foraging techniques involves his hooking her onto a fishing line and casting her out to sea; it’s usually just junk, but sometimes she’s clutching a few shiny souvenirs when reeled back in.

He does move the physical location of his stand around a lot, both to “drain fresh pockets” and to avoid growing too known and hated in one area. That being said, he’s been at this for a while, so every vendor at the farmer’s market knows him and is all too familiar with his cycling. The clientele are just unfamiliar enough to fall for his beguilement, though, save for a few skeevy regulars who seek him out for his stuff.

yes he was valedictorian. yes he was a frat boy all throughout college. yes he does beer kegs by pouring the beer directly into his head. yes hes a criminal mastermind. No its not a big deal

being a “bottlehead” (as he calls himself), he doesnt know what sex is (why would he need to?) but he doesnt know that he doesnt know. he loves the culture of it and he’ll hit on anyone. he doesn’t get vocab, but he’s raunchy without hesitation (see quotes section)

he has his eyes on the front of his skull because hes a pursuit predator

his tragic flaw is that he has no flaws. likewise, his lack of complexity is what makes him complex. He has no insecurities. This guy is a black hole. He is everything, but most importantly, he is Nothing.

It’s typical for him to throw around callous, vulgar, and at times offensive references. Case in point: his favorite nicknames for kumquat are Cumsquat and Cumsquirt. Likewise, his nicknames for pimento are Pissmentos, Bimento, Bitchmento, etc.

whenever he does something to boast about, he pounds his chest, turns around, flashes the back of his jacket, and chants C.B.H.! the way a frat boy chants his college's name

he's largely inspired by the way chris fleming characterizes the massachusettsian frat boy. in our minds, he also shares a voice with him.

he feels no shame and he does not hide himself. He may be a bullheaded, grandiose individual, but that doesnt mean he'll withhold his words of affirmation. he'll say something and really mean it - he gives and withholds performances for no one, as he only serves himself.

He devotes no time to introspection. it’s debatable that he might not even know how, but it would be time squandered as there’s not much to introspect On.

it’s a mistake to misinterpret kumquat as his little buddy whom he feels affection for; in his mind, they’re on the same team is all. hes gotta protect his own. It’s as if they’re in the same frathouse. that being said, hes not a good team player. he gets along with kumquat and at times pimento because they’re both socially passive, and the same goes for any relationship he’s ever had. Working with someone of his caliber would guarantee the butting of heads and stalemates on stalemates. A disaster

he’s heavily inspired by 3OH!3

his other inspirations include grunkle stan, brucie kibbutz, and caesar from big top burger, in equal parts

his species is potion

his mother is a lava lamp, his father is a science flask, and he has several siblings, with one of which being a bong named Oregano.

Cannot stand being called Corn

QUOTES

“C.B.H.!”

“You wanna go? You wanna start some BEEF with the HASH?!”

“By the power vested in me by the state of marzipan city i now pronounce you FUCKED PWNED”

“I’LL SUCK YOUR MOM’S DICK, BRO, DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!”

You want to know if his potion liquid is adhesive so you ask him if he has a meniscus and he thinks that youre asking him smth dirty so he says “hey hey i’m on my day job right now. Come by after 8 and ask me then, see what happens”

“If it’s not broke, we don’t sell it!” (motto)

“You wanna throw rocks at this glass house?”

 “Oh i’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was politically incorrect to have my TITS OUT”

“Broskis can you keep it down, im trying to get my wicked sleep gnar gnar on”

“I’M GONNA COME UNCORKED. IM GONNA COME UNCORKED. IM SERIOUSLY GONNA COME UNCORKED”

“Bro, i can’t deal with you trying to kiss me & shit. I’m not gay. Like, yeah, i’ll fuck a dude, marry a dude, but i seriously can’t be seen smooching someone with horns that big, you dig?”

“MY MOM DOESN’T LIKE YOU, STOP PRETENDING SHE DOES!”

“Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, i’m looking at the fucker right now.”

“Whose bottle do i gotta brush to [XYZ] around here?”

his uncieknuckies-type shitpost blog: @corndbeefhash​

and finally, his difficult person ranking:

[fictionalcharactermbti]

THE ORIGINALS MBTI

Updated August 2020.

Klaus Mikaelson ENFP “The Inspirer”

ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it.

To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite manipulative - and very good it. The gift of gab which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy for them to get what they want. Most ENFPs will not abuse their abilities, because that would not jive with their value systems. ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions. (Source: Personality Page)

Elijah Mikaelson INTJ “The Mastermind”

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.(SOURCE: Personality Page)

Hayley Marshall ESTP “The Adventurer”

ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.

Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it" attitude takes precedence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Freya Mikaelson ISFJ “The Defender”

ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.

ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Rebekah Mikaelson ESFP “The Performer”

ESFPs live in the world of people possibilities. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now, and relish excitement and drama in their lives. ESFPs have very strong inter-personal skills, and may find themselves in the role of the peacemaker frequently. Since they make decisions by using their personal values, they are usually very sympathetic and concerned for other people's well-being. They're usually quite generous and warm. 

The ESFP under a great deal of stress gets overwhelmed with negatives thoughts and possibilities. As an optimistic individual who lives in the world of possibilities, negative possibilities do not sit well with them. In an effort to combat these thoughts, they're likely to come up with simple, global statements to explain away the problem. These simplistic explanations may or may not truly get to the nature of the issue, but they serve the ESFP well by allowing them to get over it. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Marcel Gerard ESFJ “The Supporter”

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Jackson Kenner ISFP “The Artist”

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Vincent Griffith INTP “The Thinker”

INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge.

INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

Davina Claire INFP “The Dreamer”

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.(SOURCE: Personality Page)

Camille O’Donnell ENFJ “The Counselor”

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest. (SOURCE: Personality Page)

[lizziestudieshistory]

Let's have a chat about books, reading, and the impact of places like booktube, book twitter, and the dreaded goodreads! I've been mulling on this post for a while and I wasn't sure if I was going to write it. But as this blog is mainly a space for me to work out some feelings, I'm doing it for myself. So sorry for rambling, lack of proofreading, and the ridiculous amount of punctuation, especially parentheses. Feel free to keep scrolling and ignore me!

If you've interacted with me (in real life or online) for longer than about 5 seconds you'll know I like books... In fact "like" is a bit of an understatement... It's one of my defining character traits and has been since I learnt to read. I'm that person who, takes books to the pub and regularly falls over things because they're attempting to walk and read (and have done many times to the great amusement of my so called "friends"!) Yet, recently I've been feeling a bit...odd about my reading, like I'm not good enough to be a proper reader and, after some introspection and weird conversations with my bookish friends, I've pinpointed why. (Hint: it's bookish social media!)

When lockdown started my reading skyrocketed. At the time I was employed as a library assistant and was put on furlough while the library was closed, so I had more time than ever to read and the inclination to do it because I was bored. This led me to reading almost a third more than I usually do in a year, in some months I doubled it reading from 4-6 books a month to 10-13!

In some ways this was great, I was reading more than ever; in others it wasn't because, to be frank, I don't remember a lot of those books well. I can tell you plot and main characters but themes, feelings, my thoughts on them? Not much, for some nothing at all. In terms of quality it was a mediocre year - I actually struggled to find a top 5 list of books because I couldn't remember them and didn't think the quality was worth the praise. I did read some new favourites: Wuthering Heights, Emma, Beren and Lúthien are really the only stand out books, and maybe Rhythm of War for the sheer excitement.

However, 2020 set a precedent for me. I know I can read just under 100 books a year when I usually average 55-60. Rationally, I know 60 books is a lot when I'm a part time student, carer, and tiny business owner! Most days I only get an hour or two to properly sit down read before bed, once I'm finished with all my other responsibilities. But the possibility is still there, and it's starting to eat away at me as I've returned to my very reasonable 4-6 books a month now I'm busy again.

I've ALWAYS been happy with how much I read. But this year I'm not, and it's to do with the simultaneous reading boost and proper discovery of bookish social media. Lockdown gave me the free time to doss about on my phone (my phone and I are the best example of "frienemies" you could imagine!) In that time I found book twitter properly and, actually started watching booktube. I knew both existed but working, studying, and so forth didn't give me the breathing room to properly participate. It made me conscious of HOW MUCH some people read in a year, the boggling numbers and stats some people have around their reading lives. Don't get me wrong, I love a spreadsheet. I've had a spreadsheet for reading since I had to demonstrate my excel skills in Year 9 for a test and created one to track my reading. (I was a nerd, I know...) Point being I like stats, I like reading, both together are great - in moderation.

However, the inbuilt assumptions, expectations, and consumerism around booktube, bookstagram, goodreads, etc. are really unhealthy! It makes reading competitive and a social performance. For some people this works, it works for me to SOME extent. As I've said, I like reading stats and I've kept my own independently of bookish social media since I was 14 (cue feeling old...!) Yet the obsession with how many books you read in a month, is it more than X, am I reading the "right" books and most popular books is insane. And no, no one is doing this explicitly. But the implication is there and there IS a subtext with this unspoken competitiveness. It's not good for me and it's made me, for the first time in my life, feel guilt over what I'm reading or not reading?!

This month (April) has been particularly rough. I've had deadlines and a busy work month which means I've finished three books and a play, and I'm half way through two others. Two years ago I'd have been fine with that, but now I feel like it's not good enough? Why? Because I'm disappointed because I've not read more...

To add insult to imagined, self-inflicted injury, this has been my best month of the year in terms of quality and enjoyment. I've read some cracking novels, an eye opening non-fiction, and had the most wonderful time rereading and annotating Emma. Emma is my favourite novel! I've been wanting to slowly reread it and annotate the story for months! The extent of annotation I wanted to do, not to mention research, means I can't read it fast! Yet I'm annoyed at myself because I've been reading Emma exclusively for 16 days without finishing a book (the fact I know this is...alarming!) I've had the best time, it's been fun, enlightening, and an escape from my fairly boring life. But I'm still frustrated with myself?

So, what does this really mean?

Firstly, I do need to address, privately, my own insecurities and weird relationship with social media when it comes to books. This is a new thing, or a new awareness of it, but it does need some self reflection and rebalancing of my personal priorities.

Secondly, I'm going to avoid bookish social media. Well, mostly. Nothing is changing on here! I'll still be talking about my reading, chatting with people about their own books, and so forth. But I'm abandoning goodreads, book twitter, and booktube. I don't have instagram or tiktok so I can spare myself that palaver at least!

I'm also, for the first time in 8/9 years, going to leave behind my spreadsheet for a bit. I may come back to it because I love looking at my original clunky spreadsheet, how it's improved, and my changing reading tastes (not to mention the alarming number of times I've reread some books, it's honestly a bit embarrassing.) It's got sentimental value! But I need some space to not think about numbers for a bit.

This means I'll mainly be tracking my reading in my journal and returning to the important parts of reading. The books themselves. And my relationship with them: what do I actually think about the media I'm consuming? Am I enjoying myself? Did I take something away from this book? Not just adding them to a list to say "look at how many books I've read!" No one cares, not even me!

Basically, I want to reclaim the love of reading places like twitter and youtube sucked out of me. If you love these places then great! I'm genuinely happy for you, but my personality, mixed with pressures on my time means they're not a healthy place for me.

Anyway, back to Emma because I'm on holiday, it's the ball at The Crown, and I'm in love with Emma and Mr Knightley!

[thegrandkinghimself]

who is oikawa tooru?

i guess that’s a weird way to start off a post, considering just how popular oikawa is in this fandom. i’m absolutely certain that he’s still one of the most popular characters if i can take the #oikawasear trend on twitter a couple of weeks ago seriously. (i will be mourning that iwaoi is no longer the top ship in this fandom. it’s devastating to me on a personal level). and i can’t say that i’m any different, either, otherwise i wouldn’t have made this blog or this post. but i guess the reason i’ve been itching to write this is because i’ve been in this fandom--and more specifically, a fan of oikawa--for about four or five years now. i devour the content available, and i can assure you that i’ve read too many of the fanfictions on ao3 to be healthy, and never before have i seen a character whose characterization is so hotly disputed. 

and i get it. he’s a complex person. he’s kind of awkward in that there is a very clear disconnect between his outward personality and who he is alone. it’s a very hard balance to strike, especially when you consider just how much conjecture goes on in his characterization among fans and in discourse. he’s really easy to project and certain traits, correct or otherwise, are amplified based off how authors perceive him. there’s plenty of presumptions that can be made based on his on-screen actions/thoughts/beliefs that can be taken to some very logical conclusions. 

but i’ve also seen people write him in ways that don’t strike me as particularly truthful. he’s type casted into stereotypes that don’t do him justice, or made into something that is vaguely like oikawa, but not quite. in the following post, i’ll be trying to dispel misunderstandings of his character, if only for my own sanity. 

tl;dr i think that oikawa is chronically one of the most misrepresented characters in fandom and i want to fix that

exclaimer: i am solely an anime-watcher; i have seen snippets of the manga and therefore have a general idea of what is going on.

let’s establish some very very basic stuff. just to keep it simple, i’m not going to talk about anything beyond what has been published via the anime (as of season four). 

Oikawa Tooru | 及川徹 

gender: male

d.o.b.: 1994.7.20. or 20 July, 1994

height: 184.3 cm

weight: 72.2 kg

occupation: high school 3rd year, class 6

position/number: setter, 1 (captain)

here’s something that’s never pointed out: oikawa is in class 6 which, if we go off the trend of every other school in haikyuu!!, means that he is in a college preparatory class aka he’s pretty dang smart. it’s not confirmed or anything, but it a. follows the trend of every other class 6 student and b. is the highest class available among seijoh 3rd years (classes 5, 3, and 1). don’t get the idea that he’s dumb or unintelligent, or even that his strengths only lie in the classroom because that would be a gross understatement of his skills.

anywho. 

generally speaking, i like to start with the building blocks of his personality because there’s so much room for assumptions. here are the things that i think make up his core personality:

intelligence/knowledgeable: not only academically speaking, but he’s also well-versed in people. he knows how to play them--what will make someone more confident, more doubtful, what will help his teammates succeed. clearly, oikawa is very knowledgeable in human thought patterns. or he’s dedicated a lot of time to knowing them. 

loyalty: of all of oikawa’s traits, i think this one gets talked about the least, but we know it to be true. we make jokes about “you should have come to shiratorizawa” but it really shows you exactly how loyal, how much trust, oikawa has in this team that he has spent three years shaping. he never stops believing in the work that he has put in, and especially the hard work that his teammates have put into their volleyball. 

hardworking: one of the most well-known things about oikawa. most fans already know that his white knee pad is actually a knee brace. ‘nuff said. i salute you, good sir. 

insecurity: oikawa’s insecurities are perhaps his most notable trait. in a sense, he’s sort of the underdog--so good, but never quite good enough to accomplish what he’s set out to do. and we know that he’s struggled with his doubts since junior high, literally since he was 12 or 13, and that’s informed all of his character from the moment he ran into ushijima. oikawa is someone who is defined by his insecurities. 

oikawa is a lot of things. he’s introduced as someone who is very flamboyant--he’s built up by kageyama as the best setter, his senpai literally and figuratively, his initial shots are all of smug smiles and easy, unfaltering swagger in the face of this new team. even his theme, all rambunctious brass and jazzy, is meant to be all in your face, here’s the big boss! he’s someone who is petty and silly and seems to favor shallow conversation. but he’s oikawa, so there’s a surprising amount of depth in the little time that we have with him. there’s a reason that, in any other franchise, he’d probably be the protagonist.

he is someone full of contradictions. he’s childish and he spends time with a bunch of girls and is very clearly someone who likes to project a certain image of himself to the public (see: his cute lil’ humming run after his yell in s4e23 to make him seem kind of normal). but he’s also spent a lot of time with himself. in fact, if we take the few scenes we have of him alone and his bedroom (bare, spartan, meticulous) into account, oikawa actually is much more solemn and/or serious than the image he projects. he’s comfortable in the silences between all the white noise. he’s alright just being with iwaizumi. he allows himself to dwell on the past and his shortcomings, while also looking forward to the future. his ambition and passion to improve drive him, but his past failures weigh him down. they haunt him.

personally, i think that he’s naturally a pretty silly guy when given the chance. it’s not just for show. iwaizumi would even corroborate this à la oikawa’s introduction speech in s1. he likes having fun when he can with his friends. if we assume that oikawa is most himself with iwaizumi, then we definitely know that’s the case (see: “are you my mom, iwa-chan?”), and there’s nothing wrong with that. but i think that the most basic traits of his character, combined with his experiences in volleyball, have pushed him to be this person who is mired in doubt. it’s forced him to go down a path where something that he once loved for the fun of it has now become the source of his ire. it’s really just that simple. maybe in another life, things would be different and oikawa wouldn’t have to struggle as much. but that’s really just a part of the human experience, isn’t it? and, in all honesty, would we really love oikawa as much without all his vices?

and maybe this is getting into speculation, but i don’t think it’s a difficult argument to make that oikawa is really mature. he’s introspective. i say introspective because the revelations that he’s had in regards to his own strengths and weaknesses--those are things he’s had to confront and deal with since he was in junior high (starts at 12 years of age). it takes someone with a lot of maturity and self-awareness to realize those kinds of things about himself.

and he’s stronger than he gets credit for. most people depict him as a crybaby, but he’s really not. he doesn’t cry or give up in the face of ushijima or kageyama’s unfettered growth and successes, he doesn’t cry when faced with defeat. oikawa is there to support iwaizumi in his own doubt as ace, and lend support to his teammates. and oikawa doesn’t get stuck on the what-ifs or has-beens. driven by his infamous ambition, he looks forward to the future. 

it’s kind of a double-edged sword. it’s pushed him this far--he’s put in this much effort to be one of the best in the prefecture--because of his competitive spirit, but it’s also something that has caused him serious injury. oikawa’s motto (”if you’re gonna to hit it, hit it until it breaks!”) is the very epitome of this mentality. it’s a message to work hard to finish what you started, but i also think that you could interpret that hard work breaking you, too. he’s steadfast—obsessive, really—to the point that oikawa will let his passions break him before he would ever give up. it’s the point of all the strife in his life, because he would never have the problems he does if he were even a little less enamored by this sport. 

and you really have to wonder where he would be without ushijima and kageyama as his obstacles. his drive will always be there, that is an intrinsic part of him, as are the standards to which he holds himself, but you really have to wonder just how good oikawa would be if he didn’t have such direct competitors. this is an incredibly important question to ask about kageyama and oikawa in particular. yes, oikawa does loathe ushijima: for his disregard for oikawa’s decisions, for his disregard of oikawa’s loyalty, for his flippant attitude of seijoh, who oikawa has poured his blood and sweat into creating. but ushijima is an opposite hitter. oikawa is a setter. those are two very different positions with little crossover. but with kageyama--that is a clear rivalry. they push each other to be better, made all the more potent by their differences as players; one setter’s growth as a player directly impacts how the other performs in each subsequent game. seijoh’s defeat by karasuno in season 2 just feeds into oikawa’s drive for the future. he has not intention of giving up. a light was lit under him, pushing him forward, to do better, to be better. 

this is something that has been pointed out in a different analysis (linked below) but, narratively speaking, oikawa is kageyama’s foil. their interactions inform their characters and are a major cause of tension in their development. their relationship is really the most complex in the story that i have noticed, and is something that has not been appreciated enough. the iwaizumi-oikawa thing has been expounded and studied in every facet possible (i love the alexander the great/hephaestion allusions), but it’s true that kageyama has impacted oikawa the most. they begrudgingly respect each other’s talents, what it is that they bring to the court, while also envying what the other has in spades that they do not. in oikawa’s case, his strength clearly lies in his interpersonal relationships--his ability to intuit exactly what his teammates need to be at their best. kags is just a fount of overwhelming technical skill who has a really hard time getting to know those around him. living up to the standards that oikawa places on himself, in tandem with kageyama threatening his position as setter, leave oikawa floundering, fearing his own incompetence against opponents who are naturally much better than he. so he’s left with the knowledge that maybe his best isn’t good enough, but he still continues on anyway. he pushes himself past a seemingly unreachable threshold just to go toe-to-toe with this monster. it’s the purpose of his character--to tell this story of the ordinary v. the extraordinary--and it is perhaps the most relatable arc that a story like haikyuu!! can tell.

their connection naturally causes oikawa to seek out help, seen in the flashback scenes where he is talking to an unspecified coach/adult. that coach’s words then become the creed upon which oikawa plays, maybe even more than what iwaizumi has taught him, and is the final push that completes oikawa’s character arc in s2ep24. that change in mindset allows oikawa to see kageyama’s unbridled talent not as an obstacle but as a challenge. it’s very nuanced, but it makes all the difference. it’s why, following seijoh’s defeat, oikawa has the audacity to declare to kageyama and ushijima his plans for the future. in a sense, karasuno and kageyama and ushijima have won the battle but not the war. it’s the tipping point in his story and, more than anything, what makes oikawa so compelling. we have seen what has led up to the change, but now we want to know what he’s going to do to meet that challenge. what will he be doing beyond the story when he is no longer relevant to the narrative? we don’t know the details at this point, but we know that oikawa’s love and ambition for volleyball have been reaffirmed in this moment. 

but to bring it back, the kags-oiks connection also makes us question what it is we are watching, makes us as the audience think: what qualifies someone as a genius? are there any limitations to what that genius can do? what can ordinary people do in the face of those geniuses? 

these are questions that exist beyond the reality of sports and transverse into other disciplines. for me, those are very real questions that i have had to ask myself as a musician. i have dedicated nine, almost 10, years to my practice but there are still 10-year-olds who are just better at it than i ever will be. part of it is time and practice to be sure, but some of it is just innate. and i think the more appropriate version of those questions would be this: what qualifies someone as a prodigy? are there limitations for prodigies? what can we do in the face of prodigies? 

oikawa is a genius player--he knows the ins-and-outs of his sport better than anyone, and he can accomplish great feats that others in his same position can’t. but even with all that veritable experience and skill, he is ultimately still overtaken by a prodigy whose talents seem endless. it’s why he can hate ushijima but fear kageyama. one is something he can actively fight against, the other is inevitable. 

and really, i think that’s the beauty of oikawa tooru, why he’s so beloved by the fandom, even years after he has stopped being relevant to the narrative. beyond the fluff and goofiness and hijinks, there’s someone there who is really, truly, human. 

an aside with much less significance/why do people think this??

so here’s one thing: even though oikawa has fangirls, i wonder what he actually thinks of them. for one, it’s only natural for anyone to be super flattered if people think you’re hot stuff. that’s just... i don’t think he’s weird if he pays attention to them. but i think that people are conflating his being kind to them to being genuinely egotistical due to the attention. actually, i think these are opposing ideas and a contradiction of who oikawa is. when you’re an arrogant person, you think that you deserve all the attention you’re getting and you’re not going to bother with the people who worship you.

but that’s not at all what oikawa does. he’s rather kind to his fans. i would never say that he’s self-effacing, but knowing what you’re worth is different from being pompous. and think about it. it’d be a real jerk move for oikawa to not say nice things to them and thank his fangirls when they spend time, energy, and effort to make him food and see his games. he would just be a genuinely awful person if he didn’t at least give them thanks. it’d be more alarming if he didn’t talk to them, at least in my opinion. more than anything, we should consider this: why is it that oikawa has the fan club and not anyone else on the seijoh team? i’m sure a part of it is because he’s attractive and the captain of a team, but i think it’s more than that, too. we see these interactions from other perspectives, but i think that reflects more on those around oikawa than oikawa himself if they don’t understand why he acts the way he does with those girls.

another thing: i don’t think that anyone can question that oikawa is very pretty, or handsome, or whatever descriptor you would like. it’s prevalent in fandom (see: pretty setters squad), but he is also the only person in canon to be acknowledged by other characters as being particularly good-looking. maybe the miyas count at this point? i’m not sure. but i don’t really understand where people get the idea that he is particularly focused on his appearance, though. there is literally no indication of that from the material that i have seen. and maybe he uses that to his advantage with his fangirls, but i highly doubt that, in all honesty. i think that it’s fun to imagine him being into these things as a hobby, but it irks me greatly when i see that people spend time saying that oikawa wakes up extra early just to fix his hair or slather on foundation/concealer just to look presentable. 

he’s a teenaged boy who clearly has other things that worry him, he’s a full-time student, and volunteers to coach at lil tykes volleyball classroom in his free time. he wouldn’t have time to spend on his hair or makeup. and we even seen in the hanger tooru special that he even wakes up looking like that. 

he is au naturale, my friends. and we even know how little he gives thought to his own body, if you take into account his knee brace. for oikawa, his body is merely the medium through which he can accomplish his goals. we even have evidence of this when we see oikawa up all night studying karasuno game play or via his knee brace. he doesn’t know how to stop or understand when enough is enough. he breaks himself if there’s no one to watch him. 

also, just... how would makeup work, logistically speaking? i don’t wear makeup, but i’m thinking that foundation and concealer and hair product would be, um, really bad. like, it’d run down his face and stuff. also, it’d probably get into his eyes, too? seriously. i’m not against oikawa wearing makeup in the slightest cause he’d be even prettier, but we know that oikawa would absolutely not jeopardize his chances in any way. 

thank you for reading this long-winded, probably awful look into my favorite character of all time. and i do mean that. he is my favorite character in all of media. which, like, says a lot when he’s competing against the casts of a:tla, call me by your name, and my actual favorite book, the song of achilles. after all of that, if you would like another (better) analysis of oikawa’s character, i suggest this reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/haikyuu/comments/94irsi/character_analysis_16_oikawa_tooru_discussion/ 

[heraldofzaun]

This is a post I’ve been thinking about making for quite some time, especially due to looking at how my own personal depiction of Viktor differs from what seems to be the general fandom interpretation - especially after the LoR cards released and gave us a few canonical acolytes.

I won’t beat around the bush here: this is going to be about why I personally believe that associating the Glorious Evolution specifically with headcanons about Viktor or his acolytes being trans, or Viktor performing gender-affirming surgeries, or things in a similar vein is a poor decision, and why I don’t include this interpretation in my writings. This isn’t meant to discourage people from writing Viktor or his acolytes as trans, of course - my Viktor is agender, although he’s not aware of it, and it would be absurd to say that his followers have to be cis - but I think it’s important to look at the implications that come from writing Viktor as explicitly someone who helps people relieve and manage their dysphoria through his work with the GE.

Firstly, no matter how you spin it: Viktor’s idea of the Glorious Evolution has always been painted in a negative light. I’ve done my work to portray it as idealistically as possible, but at the end of the day his goals have always been about removing (at the very least, negative) emotions from himself, as well as mechanizing himself and others.

“Desiring both to revolutionize his field and to eliminate the jealous human emotions which festered inside him, he engineered parts to replace and improve his own body... He saw himself as the patron and pioneer of Valoran's future, a future in which man would renounce his flesh in favor of superior hextech augmentations.” (Original lore.)

“He saw human involvement in any part of a process as a grossly inefficient aberration - a view that put him at odds with a great many of his fellow students and professors, who saw the very things Viktor sought to remove as the source of human ingenuity and creativity.” (New lore.)

“Jayce reported the incident [of Viktor creating a device that allowed someone to “effectively control” another person]  to the college masters, and Viktor was censured for violating basic human dignity - though, in his eyes, his work would have saved many lives. He was expelled from the college, and retreated to his old laboratory in Zaun, disgusted by the narrow-minded perceptions of Piltover's inhabitants. Alone in the depths, Viktor sank into a deep depression, enduring a traumatic period of introspection for many weeks. He wrestled with the ethical dilemma he now faced, finding that, once again, human emotion and weakness had stood in his way. He had been trying to help, to enhance people beyond their natural capabilities to avoid error and save lives. Revelation came when he realized that he too had succumbed to such emotions, allowing his naive belief that good intentions could overcome ingrained prejudice to blind him to human failings. Viktor knew he could not expect others to follow where he did not go first, so, in secret, he operated on himself to remove those parts of his flesh and psyche that relied upon or were inhibited by emotion.” (New lore.)

This, when combined with how Viktor has also always been intended as a more villainous character - his visual design language, voice lines, and how he leans into the “evil Russian scientist” stereotype all confirm that - mean that from an out-of-universe standpoint, we’re meant to see his ideas as wrong and misguided. Multiple other champions have lines specifically about how he’s wrong - Ekko calls him “everything wrong with Zaun”, Camille (who is morally grey at best, and a cold-blooded killer at worst) calls his work “quaint”, implying that it doesn’t go far enough for her liking, and Heimerdinger makes the point that without humans, no one will be left to appreciate Viktor’s work. It doesn’t matter if Viktor has good intentions - the narrative tells us time and time again that his path leads to a very dark place, especially in new lore where he’s comfortable with violating free will for the sake of preventing death.

It seems obvious to me that a character who auto-amputates as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, who decides that emotions themselves are a burden, who is repeatedly described as having an obsession with the Glorious Evolution regardless of lore, who is described as who you go to when you’re desperate in new lore... is clearly someone whose surgeries (at least of himself, where they are implied to be unnecessary - again, auto-amputation) and end goals are supposed to be read as a violation of human nature and dignity. Here we pivot to talking about trans issues in specific.

I’m of the firm belief that it’s not a good idea to associate gender-affirming surgeries, HRT, or any other thing used for transitioning with a character whose surgeries are supposed to be read as a violation of the human form. This plays directly into the anti-trans idea that transitioning is, well, a violation of the human form. It is not a good idea to write the man who cuts off his own limbs to poorly cope with his emotions as a patron of trans rights. It’s drawing a direct parallel between Viktor’s auto-amputations, which we are supposed to read as not only a very bad thing and the product of obsession, but arguably self-harm, with life-saving medical care.

(There’s also the issue that some people seem to assume that transhumanism is, in any way, inherently related to being trans - but that’s a whole other topic that I don’t feel very qualified to write on. I consider myself someone interested in transhumanist concepts, when applied appropriately (i.e. not ending up in eugenicist territory), but I am far from an expert on transhumanist thought. I think it’s enough to say that no, they’re not related. They’re just two things with the same prefix. Please don’t confuse the two.)

In my opinion, Viktor should not be seen as someone whose work is a direct benefit to trans individuals. (Again, not to say that Viktor can’t have followers who are trans. But please, please consider before making him the person that they go to for help with transitioning. The man doesn’t even have a medical degree, and his canonical work is described as being all about function over form. He’s not the surgeon you want.) I don’t think that Viktor’s gender identity, whatever it may be, should be associated with his obsession with the Glorious Evolution - or at the least, it shouldn’t be portrayed as a positive association. (In the sense of Viktor using the GE/his own surgeries as a positive affirmation of his gender... I’m struggling to precisely define this at the moment, apologies.) The GE is, textually, an unhealthy coping mechanism.

(There’s maybe something to be said for a Viktor who has disassociated himself so far from humanity that he no longer considers gender applicable to himself... but please, be careful if you write this. I’m speaking as someone who’s agender: I’m tired of my identity being used as shorthand for someone or something becoming or being nonhuman. I’m tired of people treating Blitzcrank being reskinned as a they/them pronoun user as something revolutionary, if they themselves don’t use those pronouns or aren’t nonbinary. I’m not going to pretend that I’m the arbiter of what people can and can’t write, but I’m tired of seeing myself - as an autistic and agender person - represented solely by unfeeling aliens and machines and whatever else, and being told that it’s good, actually, because any representation is good representation. I’d like for people to be more mindful in what they write and promote, but I think that this is becoming a tangent.)

I guess it comes time for me to defend my own depiction, then, since as I’ve mentioned above I do write Viktor as agender. I admit that I want to see aspects of myself in the characters that I like, but I also strive to be aware of the implications that these aspects may have. My Viktor’s gender identity has absolutely nothing to do with his idea of the Glorious Evolution - he has no dysphoria that he attempts to relieve through his surgeries, he does not see roboticization as a way to move past the gender binary... he doesn’t even realize that he’s not a cis man, because he hasn’t had the time or tools to introspect on that aspect of himself. (He’d be rather confused if you told him that people generally tend to feel as if they’re a certain gender - he’s just... himself.) I’ve written him in this way to try to make it clear that he has always felt this way about himself - that the GE has nothing to do with it - and that it has no influence on his actions as the Machine Herald.

There isn’t really a good way to wrap this up. Again, I am not saying that Viktor or his acolytes shouldn’t be written as trans, nor trying to stop people from writing that - only that their transness shouldn’t be directly associated with his idea of the Glorious Evolution. I think that we need to be mindful of what kinds of tropes that our depictions can fall into, and in this case a non-mindful depiction of Viktor as trans can seen as equating being trans to what’s easily read as self-harm/a violation of human nature. I doubt that anyone genuinely intends this association, but it can be made regardless, and so I prefer to keep the two concepts wholly separate in my depiction.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m willing to answer any questions that arise from this.

[arcticdementor]

Kayfabe is a treasured part of pro wrestling culture. Kayfabe refers to the commitment of everyone involved (the wrestlers, the refs, the announcers, and to a certain degree the fans) to maintaining the shared fiction that pro wrestling matches are unscripted. (Wrestling is real, in the sense that the athletes are taking real punishment and risk really getting hurt, and there is a degree of improvisation, but the outcomes are predetermined.) Kayfabe has had a kind of mythical importance to many in the pro wrestling community: you keep kayfabe no matter what, even in the event of serious injury, out of a sense of sacred commitment. Crucial to understanding kayfabe is that it is not an attempt to deceive the audience. Modern wrestling is in some ways perfectly open about the scripted nature of the matches. Fooling people is not the point. If every fan signed an affidavit saying they knew the outcomes were predetermined the wrestlers would still keep kayfabe, out of commitment to the culture. Kayfabe is a mutually-approved illusion. It is artifice, but it is mutually agreed upon artifice, a consensual fantasy.

Our current political culture is kayfabe.

The illusion that we pretend to believe is that we are in some sort of uniquely politically fertile moment for progressivism and social justice, that we are experiencing a social revolution or “Great Awokening.” Further, we keep kayfabe by acting as if we believe that certain policies like police abolition or abolishing border enforcement (or if you prefer utterly meaningless sloganeering, “abolishing ICE”) are tangibly viable in anything like the near future. I say that these are kayfabe to emphasize my belief that most people who endorse these beliefs are well aware that they are not true, and to underline the sense in which the commitment to unreality is mutual, an expression of a strange kind of social contract. Most thinking adults comprehend the current moment and understand that the hand of establishment power and the influence of social inertia are as strong as ever. (Why would you feel otherwise?) But because people have understandably been moved by recent righteous calls for justice, they feel they must accept the fiction of a new awakening to show solidarity with the victims of injustice. This is emotionally understandable, but strategically counterproductive. And indeed one thing that has defined these new social movements is their relentless commitment to the emotional over the strategic.

…

Living in a culture of political kayfabe is a strange experience. It feels the way that, I imagine, it feels to live under a truly authoritarian government, where you’re constantly having exchanges where everyone involved knows that what they’re saying is bogus but you push right through the cognitive dissonance with a smile on your face. Only you’re not compelled by the fear of torture or imprisonment but of vague-but-intense social dictates, of the crucial priority of appearing to be the right kind of person. So often political conversations today have this dual quality where you feel forced to constantly evaluate what your interlocutor actually believes even as propriety compels you to take seriously what’s coming out of their mouth.

A major negative consequence of our commitment to kayfabe lies in our acceptance of behaviors we would ordinarily never accept, under the theory that this is such a special time, we need to shut up and go along with it. Take our broken discourse, as frequently discussed in “cancel culture” debates. My experience and my intuition tell me that almost everyone in the progressive/left/socialist world knows that our discourse norms and culture are totally fucked up. Trust me: most people in liberal spaces, Black and white, male and female, trans and cis, most certainly including people in academia and media, are well aware that we’ve entered into a bizarre never-ending production of The Crucible we can’t get out of. They’re probably just as sick of Woko Haram as I am.

But they’re either empowered and enriched by this state of affairs, and don’t want the party to end, or they’re holding on for dear life trying not to get their lives ruined for speaking out of turn. Look past self-interest and self-preservation and you’ll find that everybody knows that the way left spaces work now is horribly broken and dysfunctional. The problem is that thinking people who would ordinarily object don’t because they’ve been convinced that this is some sort of special moment pregnant with progressive potential, and that is more important than rights, compassion, or fairness. So we maintain a shared pretense that things are cool the way you go through the motions on an awful date where you’re both aware you’ll never see each other again.

If I say “cancel culture,” normies indeed don’t know what I’m talking about, because they are healthy, adjusted people with a decent set of priorities who value their own time and lives too much to get caught up in all of this horseshit. But if I say “cancel culture” in front of a bunch of politics-obsessed professional-class shitlibs they will pretend to not know what I’m talking about. They’ll put on a rich fucking show. They do an impression of Cletus from The Simpsons and go “cancel culture?!? Hyuck hyuck what’re that? I’m not knowing cancel culture, I’m just a simple country lad!” These are people who have read more about cancel culture in thinkpieces than I read about any topic in a year. But pretending you don’t know what cancel culture is happens to be a key part of the performance, a naked in-group signifier, so they pretend. The “I don’t know what cancel culture is” bullshit performance is kayfabe at its most infuriating. I know you know what cancel culture is because you’re currently using it to demonstrate your culture positioning by pretending you don’t know what it is. You fucking simpleton.

People say and do weird shit and it’s all wrong but you just pretend like it isn’t. Who wants to be the one caught making waves? When you’re in a group of people and someone engages in something patently ridiculous - when, for example, someone says “AAVE” in an ordinary social situation with no academic or political reason to use jargon, even though everyone there knows the phrase “the way Black people talk” is more elegant, useful, and true - and the moment passes and there’s this inability to look each other in the eye, when everybody starts studying their drink and clearing their throat, that’s life under kayfabe.

Getting to this is not normal. It’s not a healthy state of affairs. It can only happen when people come to believe that self-preservation requires pretending things are OK.

…

It is at this point that people say that “defund” does not mean “abolish,” which is true, and Defund the Police indeed does not mean “abolish the police.” Defund the police means nothing, now, though I’m sure that the people who started using it had noble intentions. At this point it’s a floating signifier, an empty slogan that people rallied around with zero understanding of what semantic content it could possibly contain. If it’s meant to be a radical demand, why use the vocabulary of an actuary? If it’s meant to mean a meaningful but strategic drawdown of resources, why use it interchangeably with “abolish”? I cannot imagine a more comprehensive failure of basic political messaging than Defund the Police. Amateur hour from beginning to end.

I take the political concept of alternatives to policing seriously, in the same way I take many political ideas seriously that are not likely achievable in my lifetime. I know there are deeply serious people who are profoundly committed to these principles and who have thought them through responsibly. I appreciate their work and become better informed from what they say. But their ideas did not reign last year. A faddish embrace of a thoughtless caricature of police abolition reigned, pushed with maximum aggression and minimal introspection by the shock troops of contemporary progressive ideas, overeducated white people with more sarcasm than sense.

Policing will not end tomorrow or next month or next year. And whoever you are, reading this, you are well aware of that fact. The odds of police abolition in any substantial portion of this country are nil. Indeed, I would say that the likelihood of meaningful reduction in policing in any large region of this country, whether measured by patrolling or funding or manpower, is small. Individual cities may reduce their police forces by a substantial fraction, and I suspect that they will not suddenly devolve into Mega-City One as a result. (Though I can’t say initial data in this regard is encouraging.) I hope we learn important lessons about intelligent and effective police reform and more sensible resource allocation from those places. But the vast majority of cities will not meaningfully change their policing budgets, due to both the legitimate lack of political will for such a thing - including in communities of color - and broken municipal politics with bad incentives.

…

Living under kayfabe makes you yearn for plainspoken communication, for letting the mask fall. The professed inability of progressives to understand why woke-skeptical publications like this one keep succeeding financially is itself a slice of kayfabe. They know people are paying for Substacks and podcasts and subscribing to YouTubes and Patreons because it’s exhausting to constantly spend all of your time pretending things that don’t make sense make sense, pretending that you believe things you don’t to avoid the social consequences of telling the truth.

When you’re someone who spent the past several decades arguing that the American university system is not hostile to conservative students, that it doesn’t try to force extremely contentious leftist views onto students, and then you watch this video, how do you react? I think many people, most people, even most people committed to the BLM cause, see that video and wince. That is not how we get there. Browbeating 20 year olds for not parroting your politics back at you is not how racial justice gets advanced. But if you’re caught in this moment, how do you object? Acknowledge that, yes, in fact, it is now plainly the case that many professors see it as their job to forcefully insist on the truth of deeply controversial claims to their students, berating them until they acquiesce? Well that would be an unpleasant conversation with the other parents when you pick up your kid from Montessori school. So you just choose not to see, or keep you mouth shut, or speak in a way that maintains the illusion.

I mean there is the absurdity of what she’s saying to contend with - the now fairly common view that policing was literally invented in the antebellum South purely to enforce slavery, because in ancient Rome if someone came in your house and stole your stuff you’d just be like “oh damn, that sucks.” Is there a relationship between modern policing and slavery? Of course. Does the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow infect modern policing at every point? Sure. Should we make political and policy decisions that recognize that historical influence on policing, especially given the racist reality of policing right now? Yes. But what good does it do anyone to pretend that the concept of “the police” is 250 years old? Why on earth would we get the correct shit we do believe tangled up with this bizarre shit we don’t believe? (The professor in that video does not herself honestly believe the police were invented to support African slavery in 18th and 19th century America.) Because this utterly ahistorical idea is being promulgated by people who claim to speak from a position of justice, we are forced to assign seriousness to it that it hasn’t earned, seriousness that it could never deserve. Because we live in a world of mutual delusion. Because of kayfabe.

…

And the fact that some will wrinkle their noses about this piece and its arguments, go about their days of progressive performance art, and pretend they don’t believe every word they just read? That’s kayfabe, my friend. That’s kayfabe. And we’re trapped in it, all of us, you and I. You know it’s all bullshit. Will you keep the code anyway? I’m willing to bet that the answer is yes.

[regrettablewritings]

If you are so inclined. I’m in love with the way you write for one Dewey Finn. So. Perhaps letters F, M, O, and W?

Heehee~ Welcome to the cult, fledgling :3

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?):

Dewey knows he’s in love when he realizes he’s growing beyond himself.

He’s a pretty forward guy at first glance: He’s loud, he’s impulsive, he lives his life according to the rules of rock ‘n roll. So you wouldn’t be blamed for buying into the idea that he’s about as confident as he acts, completely forgetting the fact that Dewey is, in fact, very low on actual self-esteem deep down. He knows he’s not the tallest, he knows he’s no Adonis by any means (hell, he’s lucky if he can even be considered a Dionysus at this point), and even though he’s aware that realistically, there is no race in growing up (especially at this age), he still feels insecure about where he appears to be compared to his peers.

But you stick around anyway, which is weird to him in a sense, but also very nice because having you around means he doesn’t have to think about how crappy he feels about himself. When you’re around, he can goof about and make jokes. He can pretend like he’s going to eat the last slice of pizza, only to pop it in your mouth because he knows you’ve had a rough day and it’ll cheer you up. He has someone there to remind him that sometimes he actually needs a plan before he does a task that’ll land him flat on his ass. Hell, he even enjoys show tunes more openly because seeing you sing and dance to them makes him want to join in, too, and  --

That’s when it hits him. Well, not exactly then, but in the moments in between where he’s by himself. He generally doesn’t like these moments because for so long, they’ve just been moments where he falls into introspection (something he’s already terrible at) and winds up falling further down a rabbit hole of despair.

But after a while of dating you, these moments of introspection start to change. It starts off small, barely noticeable. Until one day, he manages to take a look at himself and not think himself into a flinch; he just thinks, “Hm. That’s . . . not a good thing about me. I should probably fix that . . .” And he does. Well, he makes the effort to. Which is certainly more than he would’ve two years ago. He has no idea where this energy has actually come from, however. Maybe he’s more confident because he’s found a purpose in life? A relatively steady job? Or --

Yup. That’s when it hits him: Maybe he was giving you the last slice because he didn’t feel comfortable being greedy like normal and he wants you to feel nurtured in some way; maybe he’s letting you help him plan things because that’s the responsible thing to do instead of just fucking bullrushing into every damn thing; maybe he’s enjoying musicals a bit more than he ever would’ve admitted because, well, there really is more to rock ‘n roll than he would normally like to admit. There’s more to himself than he would normally be able to see.

And you see that in him. Sure, you see this chubby, overexcited and brazen rock god wannabe. But you also see this insecure guy doing his best, who has the actual drive and potential to be something far greater than what even he knows -- he just needs the right push.

He’s glad you’re his push.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?):

It’s difficult for Dewey to actually choose to be quite honest. He absolutely treasures memories where he’s able to marry his two passions in life: You and music. Does he go with the first time you saw him perform with the School of Rock? The first time he heard you play chords he’d taught you? The first time you two did karaoke together?

No, actually. Because try as he might, it’s actually a lot simpler than that: Date night at Fat Sam’s Donut Hut. It was after 9 in the evening, and you two had hunkered down in a booth and were having way too much fun playing a dumb little game where one would sing a tune of a song but only using the word “donuts” until the other one guessed what it was.

It was so. Stupid. And that was probably why the both of you kept playing it (well, that, and competitiveness). He was actually quite surprised with how many of yours he was actually able to get right, considering many of them were actually pop songs and musicals specifically chosen to throw him off. He didn’t even know he knew anything from Putnam Spelling Bee! He’s not even sure why this particular memory warms him up inside at first, but he theorizes that it may have something to do with the absurdity of it all, or the authenticity of it.

And while those are certainly contributions, the reality of it is that later that evening, post-shower, he took a moment to glance at himself in the mirror. He can’t help but swear he looks . . . a little different. He’s still weighty, but it’s almost like he’s carrying differently. Like his normally godawful posture has progressed to just, well, mediocre posture. There’s some color to his cheeks that he knows isn’t there due to the hot shower. And honestly? He probably thinks this way because he actually feels good about himself for a change. Huh. Weird . . . He wonders why . . .

And that was when it clicked that he loved you.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?):

Bright orange. If only because of a rather unfortunate hair dye incident . . . Also maybe black, but that’s only because that was the color of the wig you had to wear until you could get your hands on some dye. He tries to nickname you based on the orange color, but it turns out Orn’gy Porn’gy/Orgy Porgy just . . . He can’t get away with that.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?):

Bold of you to assume he would ever want to get married. (Okay, but seriously, I actually had fics planned surrounding some of these topics, how dare you make me have to skirt around things in this?)

Dewey actually never really put much thought into marriage for most of his life. Maybe because marriage and rock goddom generally don’t mix. Or maybe it’s because watching his parents’ failed marriage scarred him more than he would like to think or admit . . . Nah, it has to be that first bit. After all, what could be cooler than not having to settle down, being able to travel the road, bang a groupie on every continent? Settling down with in a nice, safe environment created by the both of you’s contributions of excitement and cooperation, thus giving him a sense of belonging and accomplishment the likes of which he’s secretly felt lacking for much of his life?

. . . Oh, shit, that actually does sound pretty nice if he has to think about it.

So nice, in fact, that he just blurted it out as the two of you sat on the floor of the apartment together.

“Hey . . . Do you wanna get married?”

He wants to kick himself for its shitty delivery. It sounds less like he’s asking you for your hand and more like he’s an overly curious kindergartner snooping about his teacher’s private life!

And suddenly, the normally thoughtless Dewey Finn is abuzz with everything wrong with this scene. He didn’t plan this out; he hadn’t begun the week thinking, “I’m going to propose to this beautiful fool”, much less woken up that morning thinking that. He wished he had taken a note from your book and put himself on hold to think this through. Maybe then he could’ve thought about enlisting Ned’s help and making the moment memorable. He knew fancy establishments weren’t your cup of tea, but at least going to a nice place might’ve commemorated the evening. He at least could’ve grabbed a cupcake or something from the bodega a few blocks down. But he didn’t.

And now you’re going to reject him or, at the very least, strangle him or give him the silent treatment or --

“Really?” It’s not said with the bemusement or cynicism he had expected. In fact, if anything, it sounded . . . hopeful.

Okay, credit where credit is due: Sometimes, it helps to be spontaneous.

Thanks for asking!

[dramionediscussion]

I don’t think Hermione is perfect, but I can see where people are coming from with that. Closely related to that, admittedly she is JKR’s self-insert, which is relevant, but I don’t think in a way I see it often levied against her. That word and especially its manifestation Mary Sue gets thrown around a lot these days, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with self-inserts. If one has humility, introspectiveness, and honesty to truly examine and portray themselves truthfully, with all their follies and flaws displayed openly at the world. Realistic self-inserts after all are full-fledged and multidimensional characters, and it has been done well often by many authors throughout ages (like Agatha Christie or Kurt Vonnegut to name a few). Presenting highly idealized and (unrealistically) flattering portray of oneself, and then living out one’s fantasies vicariously through that fictitious avatar is entirely different matter. Regardless of exact nature of those fantasies (be them power fantasies, or erotic, or romantic, or just world, etc. Whatever ends up in those “then everyone clapped”-moments). It would be a stretch and unfair to describe JKR and Hermione like that. My theory for Hermione is that she started out more closely as a somewhat authentic if not exaggerated portrayal of her younger self at earlier books. Slowly as the series progresses JKR became ever more attached and fond of Hermione as a character independent of herself and her own life history. Earlier books Hermione’s flaws are lot more pronounced, and they also feel a lot more raw and personal. They get ironed out, refined and almost sublimated, to a point that while they are never entirely absent, they are so muted at the end that might not even be there. In the earlier books she frequently comes off as awkward, overconfident, precocious, tactless, stubborn, self-righteous, and she often totally lacks subtlety and doesn’t seem be at all aware of her actions are perceived by others. She also lacks humility, when her own moral intuition and sense of justice is concerned.   To a degree, she gave her something of an idealized past and certain experiences she probably wished she would’ve had (like the princess moment at the Yule Ball. I don’t know if she fantasied of being belle of the ball exactly like that, but in general an experience of being desired and beautiful). Despite those certain indulgences, there’s brutal honesty there as well (her classroom behavior, S.P.E.W., etc.) Yet, as books went on, It never reads like a narcissistic projection of the self, but more like an attachment between parent and child, protégé and mentor, biographer and biographee, teacher and favorite pupil, or author and her favorite character. It’s not unrealistic ofc, that when people grow older, they mature and their personality flaws are at least tempered, or they entirely grow out of them. However, usually something else comes along molded by new experiences and circumstances, thus even if people don’t have problems they had as young, something or other comes along to fill that void.   Hermione is not entirely without fault even in later books, but often even when she’s wrong her thoughts are well-founded and usually even partially right (like with Draco as a Death Eater. She was technically wrong, but it’s not like Draco was a Death Eater in a way Bellatrix or even his father was, which totally was the way Harry thought he was). When she acts childishly or selfishly she usually is justified at least somewhat. Ultimately her errors are quite inconsequential compared to Harry and Ron. I believe, it was partly because JKR had become so much more fond of her, that she simply didn’t have heart to give her defects, hardships and failures as much as she had in the beginning. It was a gradual shift without a clear turning-point, but it never goes to the total extreme that she’s absolutely flawless and perfect, nonetheless the process is there. Closest to a turning point is perhaps the Yule Ball, though despite everything, I always found it to be kind of sweet and fluffy in itself rather than self-indulgent. What was more came afterwards, when she kind of dismissed it, because you see it’s not like she’s vain about her looks. I mean, she totally could be pretty, if she just wished so, and paid enough attention to her appearance. But no no, she’s not superficial like all those other simpering girls. Yet, she totally could be because she’s naturally pretty beneath it all. I would totally win, only if I bothered to even play is kind of an ultimate flex.    Another major element for this is the genre of Harry Potter series is. It is a coming-of-age story, and a school drama as well, but above all else, the overarching narrative is a fantasy adventure. The main-plot is the struggle against and an ultimate defeat of evil antagonist. The main plot becomes ever more relevant as the series goes on, to the final conclusion of the Deathly Hallows, which is devoted almost entirely to it. This affects characterizations, not only that the trio are heroic protagonist, who overcome obstacles and perform extraordinary feats and heroic deeds against all odds. It’s given that even if they do mistakes, and don’t always win, they’ll triumph and succeed in a way, that wouldn’t be appropriate if it was just a drama, or a realistic depiction of teenagers. This is especially true for both Harry and Hermione at the later books (little less for Ron, but he’s there). They are going to be way more competent, capable, virtuous and lucky than teenagers or children that age would be realistically, or most other literary genres. Second effect is sort of economics of a story. At the later books, so much has to be allocated to the main plot, with all its many intricacies. Events have to be told, and one has to build up everything up from the Macguffins to Voldemort himself, and then resolve all it. Less and less time and attention can be devoted into Hermione’s backstory (or anybody’s), or interpersonal drama or individualized character development. In my opinion earlier books stroke a much better balance than the later ones between these different elements. Or perhaps I just never found the main-plot or the Second Wizarding War (my God, it could even abbreviated as WW2) to be all that interesting or compelling. Also, as HP become more about this epic fantasy adventure, and less about growing up, being in a school and the interpersonal drama, fitting in, finding and forming friendships, and so on. As this happened, I am quite sure that Hermione become more divorced from JKR’s own experiences and her self-insert as Hermione. Even if it is a magical school, it is still a school, with all the anxiousness about friends, future, crushes and dating, school work, teachers, etc. It’s easier to project yourself in that common setting such as a school is, rather than riding dragons and breaking into banks and hunting down and destroying evil magical artifacts. I can understand, why writing Hermione become more difficult, as environment and rhythm of books changed considerably from more familiar to more fantastic, and I can see how especially Hermione didn’t make the transition as well, because she was more heavily grounded into former. I can see why in its entirety Hermione comes of as a little contradictory, because there’s truth to both claims that she’s at the same time too perfect and that she’s multifaceted and complex. There’s interesting core to her character, and there’s a lot of material and potential to work with. Unfortunately, due many aforementioned reasons JKR didn’t manage to realize that potential and set-up she had constructed. I don’t think it was an utter failure, even at the latter books, but missed opportunities and unrealized potential were many. I didn’t meant to write JKR or canon apologia here, but I don’t detest either of them. There’s clearly something there, both to Hermione and canon, but it’s kind of uneven and conflicting at the times. A mixed bag, but usually that’s most interesting starting point for a fanfiction, unlike a perfection or fiasco. Trying to turn shit into gold is not worth of the effort, but neither is trying to fiddle around a divine masterpiece. I’ve always felt that fanfiction actually benefits, if author has left a lot of ground uncovered and has some internal contradictions, which gives way for different possibilities and avenues for fanfiction writers to broaden horizons and deepen characterizations, and fulfill those missed potentialities. If HP was this crown jewel of perfection by all means, solely without any missed potentialities or loose ends, then I probably wouldn’t even be interested in reading fanfiction about it. As it would’ve been done so wonderfully in canon, that fanfiction could never match up in comparison, and there wouldn’t be room for other attempts (couldn’t imagine reading Dostoevsky fanfiction as an example). I’ve always held, that one main reason why Draco as an example is so prominent and popular in fanfiction, is because he fit so comfortably in that perfect sweetspot of canon coverage. He’s not Theodore Nott, which has almost no hooks or knowable features, but neither is he Harry, who’s so well and extensively covered, that I’d find it suffocating to write in his perspective. P.S. If there’s one thing JKR didn’t spoil her was romance lol. No hot steaming affairs or a passionate romances for her. Not even giving her that cultured and sophisticated (if a bit dangerous) chad vying for her attention, who is inexplicably attracted to her, and ends up worshiping her. Actually, it’s not like she even got a sugary and mushy teenage dating treatment either. Awkward courting, necking at the make-out point, him carrying her books and suddenly developing uncharacteristic interest at the schoolwork and library. What was there, jealously and couple grand gestures at the end. Poor girl. I’ve always wondered whether JKR meant to write Romione as she did with Hinny. A little schmaltzy, “then the best friends, the heroine and heroine fell in love, and got married and lived happily ever after”-affair (kind of fitting for a fantasy adventure novels primary aimed for children and YAs. Hinny was ok I suppose as compatibility goes, but Romione in the other hand… well the basic idea if not characters chosen were acceptable). Or was it suppose to be a gritty realism, more in line with her self-insert, in which the smart girl gets roped in by almost the first guy she’s ever into, who’s actually really unfit for her.

[lifegamified-blog]

Final Thoughts

Hannah A.’s Final Thoughts

Week 2: This last week of using these apps certainly brought up some underlying truths to my daily routines and behaviors.

Pocket Points

Within this final week of using this app, I had the recurring problem of not being able to connect to the University of Oregon campus’ location. To compromise with that, I used the “goal mode” during class to help me earn some points and jump forward on the leaderboard. I was able to earn about 6 points for every hour spent in class. Towards the end of the week, I received a notification from my phone asking if I wanted to continue to allow Pocket Points to follow my location. Following my curiosity, I quickly clicked “Yes” and went back into the app to see exactly where they were tracking me. It was brought to my attention that the app was tracking my location whenever I was in a car and driving. Without the app being open it was tracking my distracted time behind the wheel! This wasn’t something that I was aware of and in all honesty, I didn’t like that factor. I was wondering as to why the battery on my phone was getting drained and I believe this was the reason why. I took a further look into what the app was tracking during my drives and it had tracked every time I had picked up the phone. To my surprise, the result of the distracted minutes was not pretty. I’m not a person that texts and drives, but I occasionally pick up my phone to change a song. At the end of the week, my place on the leaderboard was still in the “BabyLeague” and I racked up 52.71 total points. I feel that if I were able to figure out how to gain points while on campus during the first week, I would have been further up the leaderboard. My final rating of Pocket Points is ⅘. When reflecting on Jesper Juul’s reading, “A Casual Revolution: Reinventing Video Games and Their Players”, I would identify Pocket Points to be a casual game. Pocket Points gives users the opportunity and flexibility to be as competitive as they want to be with little skill, (8). This app is meant for everyone and anyone who would like to improve their productivity, but with a nice gamification twist to it.

Habitica

With my final week of using Habitica to track my daily routines, habits, and to-do’s I found that my productivity levels hadn’t changed as they would have before I started using the app. I really did enjoy the interactivity with my partner, Hannah H., and our ability to cheer each other on in the chat room. In addition to that, I enjoyed gaining more power-ups and points to buy more armor for my little character. I have never been a person to play video games, but the customization and gamification aspect of Habitica has increased my interest in playing retro-styled games. That being said, in relation to Adrienne Shaw’s article, “Do you identify as a gamer?”, they focus deeper on the identification or label  of being a “gamer”. Shaw cites, “How people identify as gamers, is a different question from who counts as a gamer. As Hall (1966) argues, identification allows for the self-definition of the individual, rather than on static definitions of identity applied from the outside, (30). In my opinion, I do not classify myself to be a gamer because of my lack of knowledge in each gaming community and short interest. But that being said, I would consider myself to be a casual gamer who every now and then enjoys playing mobile games in short bursts, (Juul). I feel that this app suits casual gamers as they are able to be competitive with themselves and others, but at a risk to improve their own productivity. My final rating for Habitica is a ⅗ -- the app doesn’t quite suit me for my interests, but I do appreciate the fun and adorable customization of my character.

MyFitnessPal

Week 1 was difficult for me while I was using MyFitnessPal because of my sickness. I went into week 2 with greater expectations for myself, but I still felt sick and had a hard time eating. Rather than being hard on myself with tracking the food I was eating, I went ahead and tracked my water intake. I actually found this part of the app to be extremely helpful in my recovery as I was eager to reach my daily goal of 75 oz every day. I would fill up my 24oz HydroFlask and set a reminder on the Habitca every few hours to finish the bottle. This portion of the app was short and direct, but it was the most helpful for me this past week. Though this wasn’t a game within the app, I would define this practice to be a game that I created for myself. In Jane McGonigal’s book, “Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Change the World”, she identifies a game to have four defining traits, “a goal, rules, feedback system, and voluntary participation”, (21).

For this practice I created for myself all four traits are identified:

Goal: Drink 75oz of water each day

Rule: Finish 24oz HydroFlask filled with water every 3 hours. If the water isn’t finished, add the oz to the next hourly goal.

Feedback System: Track the oz in the MyFitnessPal app and the goal is complete when the total oz of water hits 75

Voluntary Participation: Myself

My final rating for this app is a ⅘. I could see myself using this app in the near future as I recover to track my daily intake of food with a greater mindset.

Hannah H.’s Final Thoughts

In hindsight, doing this experiment while so much was going on in the outside world created uncontrolled variables that could have easily influenced the outcome. However, I discovered more of an application of course readings in the process. First, I learned the difference in concepts of “gamers” and how we envision ourselves when we put labels on others. Coming into this course, I definitely had room for education on the cultural importance of video games. I had always envisioned gamers in a negative light and played in fear of becoming them. However, reading excerpts from authors who fought that image and redefined gamers in general changed my outlook. From our reading, “A Casual Revolution” by Jesper Juul, “The stereotype of a casual player is the inverted image of the hardcore player: this player has a preference for positive and pleasat fictions, has played a few video games, is willing to commit littl etimee and few reesources toward playing video games, and dislikes diffiicult games” (8). I identified with this definition, although it is mentioned in the essay as a stereotype. Despite my dislike of playing serious games, I do enjoy casual and inclusive games, like Mario Kart Wii and mobile version, Super Mario World and Wii Sports. My reluctance to identify as a “gamer” earlier was all hinged on my mental image of what I thought they looked like.

Through the process of this two-week trial, I also found that gamified experiences make things more attainable for me. Setting goals is more interactive, and once I was in a pattern of tracking aspects of my lifestyle, it was hard to stop without feeling like I was taking significant steps backward. I found a great description for this experience in “The Definition of Games and the Classification of Games”, when Caillois writes, “...In this fixed space and for the given time, by precise, arbitrary, unexceptionable rules that must be accepted as such and that govern the correct playing of the game. If the cheater violates the rules, he at least pretends to respect them” (125-126). To apply this scenario to my use of gamified life-tracking apps, my initial “cheating” was when I avoided logging all my food to feel better about myself at the end of each, While this sort of cheating isn’t like peeking at the deck of cards or using a cheat code, it still misrepresents my standing in the game. Therefore, it is breaking the “rules” of use, and is considered “pretending to respect them”. The “rules” that I agreed to follow were the basic assumptions of the app: to log all food, water and exercise. Without the following of these precise guidelines, the app cannot possibly help the user accomplish what it promises. Caillois then writes, “The point of the game is for each player to have his superiority in a given area recognized” (132). We can apply this definition to MyFitnessPal and Habitica. Both offer a social networking feature, providing updates on friends’ diets and exercise. This provides an outlet for “superiority” to be recognized and makes the game an externally competitive experience instead of purely internal.

These apps also appeal to wider audiences than traditional video games. They are free and allow anyone with a smartphone to be a user. Second, they eliminate issues with on-platform sexism. Users can easily “play” without revealing a gender, which allows them to remain more introspective. The avatars in Habitica, for example, are very primitive compared to those in serious video games, which Martey et al. discuss in “The Strategic Female” reading. “...Avatars are understood as a means for conveying player humor, displeasure, intrigue, and interest, via cues that reveal motivation, identity, and background such as gestures, movement, and language” (286). Since Habitica’s “avatars” are still and nonverbal, they cannot display “player humor” or “displeasure” users cannot use them to hide behind as a shield to bully and abuse their anonymity. This app is therefore very accessible to marginalized populations, including women, men and women of color, and differently-abled people, who are most often harassed online after revealing their identity. Habitica felt like a safe and positive space compared to many I’ve experienced in games before.

All in all, this two-week experience gave context to class readings and enhanced my understanding of course material. I learned that calorie counting is not a healthy thing for me to do at this stage in my life, and that not needing to “perform” as a true avatar makes gamified experiences much more accessible for me and my somewhat fragile self-image. I plan on continuing my use of Habitica in the future, and I will continue to track my liquid consumption through Drink Water Aquarium. I will also use the MyFitnessPal app to continue tracking my workouts, but not diet, and I would definitely do this experiment again with other highly-rated life tracking apps.

[wisdomrays]

SEEKING FORGIVENESS IN THE SERVICE OF GOD

Question: Why is seeking forgiveness needed even right after a good work in the service of God?

It is very likely for us human beings to lapse or sin even during actions that are meant to serve the good pleasure of God, and as a result of such errors our good works may come to a halt. The Qur'an connects conquest with asking forgiveness as in the following verse: "When God's help comes, and victory, ... then glorify your Lord with His praise, and ask Him for forgiveness" (110:1-3). Aisha, the Prophet's wife, reports that after the revelation of this verse, the Prophet increased the number of times he asked God for forgiveness as much as to a hundred even he was in the company of others.

This is the very spirit of a prophet. The contrast, however, i.e., to be extremely joyous by achievement and victory is the pharaonic spirit, which can numb attitudes that are fitting to a believer. To say the least, even going somewhere, be it for a good service, in a spirit of boasting or in an air of jovialness or excessive ease are in no way in congruence with virtue. Yes, it is my absolute belief that these sorts of so-called services, when deprived from asking God's forgiveness or self-introspection, are the main causes for the obstructions we face along the way. We are in such fragile days that society, especially the devoted souls, has to revise themselves once again, in terms of senses, thought, belief and practice. In order to repair the points out of order, and to reconstruct and revive the spiritual state, all should be reviewed, totally. Only after such a serious operation, people will ponder more deeply on those words they utter, just as someone who is breaking his fast feels the water he drinks flowing in, and ascend to the level of asking forgiveness even after a prayer performed in full awareness.

Yes, it is unknown where God's approval lies. Maybe He approves of a prayer practiced in a stiff posture but with full conformity regarding its principal components. What matters, indeed, is to breathe the manner of being in the presence of God Almighty. That is, the key issue is not attaining a spiritual pleasure, and by no means of which do I mean to say that we should not feel any pleasure. In contrast, I mean, unless we are able to comprehend and develop the conception of "asking forgiveness" after every single accomplishment we reach in the name of both our personal perfection and the perfection of the society, that can be regarded as heedlessness; and, God Almighty does not like heedless people. Even more, sentences like "Such nice deeds has God made us fulfill" may probably be regarded as a remark of associating ourselves as partners with God, perhaps in a rather disguised manner, unless it is accompanied with asking forgiveness. The more we go deeper in asking forgiveness, the less harmless will be those perilous thoughts.

Another aspect of the issue, while we are breasting the calamities confronting us, to utter expressions such as "why have these happened to us?" "what has been wrong with us?" is an act of ingratitude and misbehave towards God. Because of this fact, if those kinds of feelings awake in us, we should muffle them with asking forgiveness. Do we really seek the means to put the blame on ourselves? Do we actually turn our looks at our inner worlds like projectors and incessantly browse there? Does not indeed God assert believers to mind their own business, and not to keep themselves busy with others who follow different ways? that their responsibility is themselves?" (5:105) So, why do not we do our inner control under the light of the maxim "God does not behold your appearance but your hearts," and check what gets in and out our hearts? Unless these are done, God's grace upon the accomplishments obtained shall be forgotten, people shall fall in egoism and be deceived, as all these are indeed the delusions Satan whispers creeping up from the right side. Please do have look at, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon Him, as he was entering the Ka'ba as a conqueror. He was so well bent double that His holy forehead was almost touching the saddle of His mount. So, whatever we do, we should quest for His approval. In contrast, while we are doing something, we do it laughing, and wander in vain daydreams and mostly make mistakes.

Yes, God's approval is enough for us. His presence must occupy the very center of all the things we may be doing, fixing our actions and thoughts towards Him.

[erenblogs1]

Halsey released her 3rd studio album Manic on the 17th of January. I fell in love with her and her music since the debut Badlands. Halsey is not a common pop artist; she has always been creative and inspiring on her musical journey. For Manic I had mixed feelings and wasn’t actually aware of what to expect. Therefore, I really wanted to review her new body of work and share my thoughts with you. And I know most of you love her music as well.

Let’s start with the singles of the album. Without Me was not meant to be her lead single in the first place but after an unexpected fascinating commercial success, her team must have changed their mind. Without Me is her first #1 solo hit single in the US. Since I was obsessed with this song, I even reviewed it last year. Here you go – Single Review – check it out! Also confusing was that Nightmare, which is a great dark rebellious track, was supposed to be the lead single, but was taken out from the album later on. Halsey explained this decision with the tweet: “I sat down to make a dark mean album and found nothing but calm, introspective, acceptance in my heart”. I was sad about it because I love Nightmare and I think it still would have been a great contrast to the rest of the songs. Halsey then released Graveyard last September as a foretaste of her upcoming album. Now she was singing about being in love with the wrong person and even following them to the graveyard. She wasn’t mad anymore but the track was still upbeat and the chorus dynamic. I must say I couldn’t connect with this single as much as I did with her earlier releases. Halsey continued to bombard us with other singles.

She released clementine at the end of September on her 25th birthday. On this introspective track, sounding childish and fabulous, Halsey imagines her ideal world and talks to a nonexistent lover. Even though she claims that she doesn’t need anyone, she knows that she needs someone. We got the same lyrical content on I HATE EVERYBODY, which makes Halsey kind of repetitive on the record. I don’t think that clementine was single-worthy. It didn’t achieve any commercial success, just like her following single Finally // beautiful stranger. I actually really liked this slow acoustic love song with a calming melody and story-telling lyrics. Halsey wrote it about her ex-boyfriend Yungblud, whom she dated last year. You should be sad, is definitely the masterpiece of the album, it was released one week before the record with a scandalous music video, in which Halsey rides a horse naked. She exactly knew that this would be her last chance to get back commercial attention. However, I think everyone loves this country-influenced pop song with a mad Halsey singing about heartbreak again.

Besides the singles, Manic has so much more to offer with sixteen tracks in total. Ashley the intro track, named after her real name, is a poetic introspective start with dark and serious lyrics. Halsey worked with the famous producers Cashmere Cat and benny blanco on this one, but the track is rather focused on the lyrical content than its production. All these facts also count for Forever … (is a long time), which also sounds similar to clementine. These two tracks are too experimental to be seen as pop songs, they’re rather written like interludes. If you know me, I hate interludes or short tracks on albums in general. In my opinion, they’re just unfinished songs and function as placeholders. Manic counts even three of them. Let’s take a look. Dominic’s Interlude isn’t interesting at all and sonically pleasant for me. So, I allow myself to continue with the next one. Ok, take a deep breath cause this one is crazy! Alani’s Interlude is the part of the album, where Halsey embraces her bisexuality, just look at these lyrics: “Your pussy is a wonderland and I could be a better man. And my girl, she always wore a skirt in the classroom, eatin’ my dessert in the bathroom”. Yeah, I was shocked too. Alanis’ vocals during the chorus just sound awful, to be honest. SUGA’s Interlude is sonically more pleasant but we can’t understand SUGA’s verses anyways unless you speak Korean. I believe that this interlude was a collaboration just to achieve more commercial success since BTS and K-Pop have become more popular and due to the fact that it was also released as a promotional single before the album.

If you want to dance to a track on this album, then 3am is your crazy upbeat rock n roll anthem. Halsey wrote it about the lonely moments you have. When you return from a night out with your friends but still feel lonely deep inside. And you desperately look for someone to talk to just to keep yourself far from your own thoughts. I think it’s relatable to everyone. This new era of social media is really toxic to our social lives. If there wasn’t a You should be sad on this album, 3am would have been my masterpiece of this record. The rather dark and furious killing boys represents Halsey’s attitude after a breakup. For the title, she was inspired by the horror movie Jennifer’s Body (2009, starring Meghan Fox), well represented in the intro. I must say I don’t like the melody and the production of this track. It doesn’t sound new, since the way she sings no more and anymore will remember you of the track More. These two songs together can cause a more-poisoning. However, just to say it once again her single Nightmare would’ve been great next to killing boys. Speaking of More, you can definitely recognize Cashmere Cat’s typical futuristic production in it. But this story-telling track has so much more to express on a personal level. Halsey admitted that this one was the hardest to write since she opens up about her endometriosis and miscarriages. This lullaby-like track is dedicated to her unborn child, whom she just wants more. It’s a touching must-listen for Halsey fans.

If you’re looking for an exquisite production you have to listen to Still Learning, which Halsey co-wrote with Ed Sheeran and Louis Bell. Sonically a masterpiece and regarding the lyrics it’s a self-love anthem. In my opinion, Halsey is one of the most confident artists out there. Therefore, I was shocked when I listened to this track for the first time. I couldn’t believe that she’s still learning to love herself. She also described self-love in an interview as a journey and not as a destination. I hope that she’s going to release this one as a single. The poetic outro track 929, named after Halsey’s birthday (29th of September), is probably the most honest song on Manic. Halsey said that the freestyled lyrics are confessional about her family and fans. She especially references topics like her life before and after becoming famous and even picks up her relationship with G-Eazy. What I love about this track is the smooth guitar-riff. Halsey proofs that not much of production is needed to have an inspiring track. It’s a great way to end the album since Halsey mentions everything that inspired her to write this record.

When I streamed Manic for the first time I wasn’t impressed right away, but I must say that most of the non-singles grew on me later on. Just like Selena did onRare, Halsey also worked with Finneas, Billie Eilish’s brother, on a track. Finneas co-produced Lose You To Love Me for Selena and I HATE EVERYBODY for Halsey. After he produced the most-selling album of 2019, he must be getting a lot of requests to work with major artists. I’m sure that I’ll see his name more often.

Manic is probably Halsey’s most personal album so far and I can’t wait to see her live on the European leg of her Manic World Tour this spring. Her stage presence and performances are always fascinating.

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Let me introduce you MANIC! Halsey: Honest and Personal on Manic – Album Review Halsey released her 3rd studio album Manic on the 17th of January. I fell in love with her and her music since the debut…

[sidneycrosbyisawitch]

Would you do an analysis of Tyler? His character etc

if i could count the number of words i’ve spilled about tyler jacqueline seguin, it would surely be astronomical. and still i wouldn’t say i’ve ever approached capturing all the beautiful nuances of how complex and wonderful he is.

but if i were to try to reach out and grasp just a few qualities that make up the constellation of who tyler is (with help from lina @betheproof), it’d look something like this:baby boytyler is his momma’s first baby, her only boy, and (like all hockey players) he’s a momma’s boy and loves to be loved. then he’s drafted second overall to the boston bruins, a team of veteran guys where he’s the only rookie. i think it’s a mistake when we write off tyler’s time with the bruins as if they didn’t care about him or were wrong for him. because they loved tyler.

he had a team full of daddies and older brothers taking care of him, and they won the stanley fucking cup in his rookie season. we can’t ignore how fucking formative that was. hockey media still talks about the 2011 bruins like they were the most incredible thing to ever happen to hockey. they say that locker room would have killed and died for each other. tyler still has a group chat with that team. that is the environment that raised tyler. a bunch of older guys who would kill for him.(but at the same time, it wasn’t perfect, and that oftentimes left tyler to his own devices in a high pressure market. and management watched that happen, and then they fucked up.)tyler makes such a point to say how it was good for him to come to dallas where most of the guys were his own age (even though jamie’s a little older, tyler adds). it was good for him because it meant someone was taking care of him on and off the ice. jamie (and jordie and the rest of the guys) didn’t have families to go home to at the end of the night. they didn’t have to leave tyler alone. tyler needed someone to basically live on top of him and that’s exactly what jamie did.there are so many things that make tyler a baby boy. his need for attention and praise. the way he knows how to use his body and constantly positions himself as a sexual object. tyler flirts like he’s getting paid because he wants that extra layer of attention and interest. all of this is to say: tyler has a need to be taken care of. (he says jamie tamed him, but jamie just gave him what he needed in large enough doses that it settled something inside of him. tyler still has fun, he just doesn’t tip over the edge.)performance / performativityspeaking of the being tamed comment, tyler is well aware of his role the narratives spun around him. it isn’t a stretch to say that, in addition to his talent on the ice, dallas acquired tyler to be a face of the franchise. they threw him into media as soon as he touched down, and tyler was expected to carry the weight of the media attention for not only his own trade but also jamie’s new captaincy. dallas started throwing out the k*ne and toews comparisons real early. (”aren’t we the bestest of friends?” “only to media.”) they wanted that kind of narrative for themselves, and jamie and tyler lived up to it in a big way. after being a player criticized for immaturity, tyler grew to hold half the weight of the dallas stars. he says the right things at the right times. he makes sure he brings out the best in jamie and brings everything back to the party line. (that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to subtly subvert the party line when he needs to, though. he might be hyper-aware of his role, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bland puppet for the org.) then there’s the way tyler is his own voyeur. all professional athletes are to some extent, right? tyler tells the eye of the tiger story about his dad watching him play hockey when he was little. from a young age, tyler has always been hyper-aware of being looked at and judged and it manifests in so many ways. being a top competitor, obviously. but there’s also the way he embraces his looks and his body and the way people look at him. the body issue. photoshoots. that Basic instagram story. (he knows people are looking and he knows how to work it.)he also does this thing lina noticed where he points out “flaws” before anyone else can (even the tiniest things) and jokes about them. not quite self-deprecating, but gently making fun of himself. it makes him more human, but also diffuses criticism before it starts. a donut stain on his coat. chewing gum too aggressively. someone thinks i’m way better at hockey.tyler’s social media and the moments he chooses to share are an extension of the performance. he’s so fucking honest with us in so many ways, but they’re still carefully selected and curated moments. even during that awful fucking r*adtrip last season, tyler still posted an update for every city. it isn’t just media promotion, it’s a genuine outlet for him. when his grandparents passed away, he pulled his heart out on instagram. he wants us to see the puppies he’s so proud of, his home, his family, his team. he wants us to see those parts of himself especially. interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligencetyler doesn’t get enough credit for just how smart and introspective he actually is. it’s like you table dance with strippers one time and everyone forgets you’re a multifaceted human capable of more than being a lushy flirt. (not that the lushy flirt side of tyler isn’t incredible and important, as well.)but tyler clearly understands himself and other people better than most. in the at home video from this summer, tyler talks about how his early career gave him a skewed perception of how easy it is to make it to the championship round and team bonds and what vegas did versus what the stars didn’t do. he talks about going on the water to think. it’s all so perfectly illustrative of how much thought and introspection tyler is capable of. he knows who he is and where his heart is. and tyler’s relationships with others, what can really be said here that isn’t self-evident. tyler knows how to make people love him. he’s charming and fun and craves social attention and affection. tyler needs a pack. (he created his own little pack of pups for when he can’t fill his house with human companions.)but more than that, he understands how people work and gives them what they need. it’s why he was so good for jamie. it’s why guys love him. it’s even why we love him. expressiveness and physicalityin a sport full of men deeply media trained to be as boring as possible, we aren’t treated to a whole lot of facial expressions. men in general tend to be less expressive than women, supposedly. maybe that’s why we lose our shit when guys in this league make a single face and why tyler’s body language can read very feminine and at times submissive. because tyler is so fucking expressive. he’s got those puppy eyebrows that give his whole face life. he smiles and pouts, grimaces and laughs, with so much abandon. when he feels something, he expresses it, even exaggerates it. and it’s not just his face, his body is so expressive, too. he talks with his hands, he’s constantly touching his face/neck/shoulders when he speaks. he presses close to people and likes to be touched back. as lina always says, one of tyler’s most important love languages is physical touch. obviously, as with all athletes, his body is his livelihood and he’s so in tune with it and comfortable with his sensuality. meaning: he’ll call his chest his boobs, no problem. then he’ll tattoo them because his body is his and he loves it. and then he’ll pull up his shirt in the middle of a party and play with his nipples for the camera. and he’ll be beautiful the whole time.home and familyif you haven’t read julie dobbs’ recent blog post, please go do so now. tyler’s defining characteristic is that he’s a family guy with a good heart. he’s an unashamed momma’s boy, an awesome big brother, and a proud provider. family is probably the single most important thing in tyler’s life. he loves them with everything he has. he shares their happiness and their heartbreak with us.  he has a cottage outside toronto that he lovingly turned into a home and filled it with friends and family all summer. he takes so much pride in the fact that it’s become a place his family uses even when he’s in dallas.which brings us to dallas. a home he never wanted or expected, but he made it his own, anyways. (and how fucking hard must it have been to leave boston? a place tyler considered home for years? a city he still loves?) he grew into himself and settled deep into the heart of texas. dallas is home, tyler says. and it’s more than a media platitude. tyler chose to stay there -- fought to stay there, actually, by essentially having to jumpstart contract negotiations himself. tyler has grown so, so much since he came to dallas, and the sense of home started with jamie.tyler and jamie essentially lived together. tyler didn’t get the typical experience of bunking with another rookie and living out of each other's pockets  at the NHL level until he got to dallas and met jamie. that, and the group of young teammates, are what started dallas being home for tyler. living in the same building, which transitioned to buying houses down the street. jamie was the most important pack member, and tyler started nesting into dallas. turned his houses (with help from jackie) into beautiful homes where he can host his whole family for christmas, now. he got more dogs to add to his pack, his need to nurture and provide kicking into a higher gear. he has brampton on his arm, boston on his ribs, but dallas is in his heart.superstaronce upon a time, tyler was a tiny kid who thought he’d have to play college hockey and work his ass off if he ever wanted to get a glimpse of the NHL. he was ready to put in that work, every single day, just for a chance.then he went second overall and won a cup.   of course so much of tyler’s identity revolves around being a really fucking good hockey player. their highs and lows depend upon performance, that’s not unique, but it is still so important to who tyler is. he’s a goal scorer, an all star, a stanley cup champion. he’s the kid who went out after a tough loss in boston (a loss blamed on him) and sat down to eat alone. he’s the guy who fucking beamed in an interview after jamie got him a promised goal to break his drought. and he’s the guy who’s gracefully shouldering the undeserved criticism of his play while it probably tears him up inside.but tyler is a star, and what do stars do best? shine.growthtyler was a kid who was easily led astray (and he was a teenage boy, of course he was). during the draft, taylor hall was already poised and well-trained and it was only his presence that stopped tyler from following where he shouldn’t go. and boston saw him following there a bit too much. but tyler grew. he proved them wrong. tyler’s tweets have been used to teach rookies how not to social media, and now tyler has a sweet, responsible insta presence. tyler was known as an immature party boy, and now he (definitely still parties but) loves to be in the home he made for himself. he’s a leader on the stars, helped jamie become captain and lead the team. his game has evolved so much that he’s crucial on every part of the ice, in all situations, and had a career high season last year. he’s the stars’ you can play ambassador. he funded a ball hockey court and youth center for underserved kids.he was always capable of more.   tyler grew into himself and his role. he’s poised, charming, responsible -- all while being entirely himself. this summer, tyler did nothing but grow and he did it for himself. alone, but not lonely. he learned how to box. he grew his hair out like he’s always wanted. he visited spain and scotland and knocked two countries off the little list of places he wants to go that he keeps in his iphone notes.and now, through all of this new pain, he’s going to grow again.

[fictionalcharactermbti]

Fictionalcharactermbti official Game of Thrones/A Song of Fire and Ice MBTI Part I:

Tyrion Lannister “The Visionary” ENTP With Extraverted Intuition dominating their personality, the ENTP's primary interest in life is understanding the world that they live in. They are constantly absorbing ideas and images about the situations they are presented in their lives. Using their intuition to process this information, they are usually extremely quick and accurate in their ability to size up a situation. 

ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere. They get excited and enthusiastic about their ideas, and are able to spread their enthusiasm to others. In this way, they get the support that they need to fulfill their visions. ENTPs are fluent conversationalists, mentally quick, and enjoy verbal sparring with others. They love to debate issues, and may even switch sides sometimes just for the love of the debate. If the Sensing areas are neglected, the ENTP may tend to not take care of details in their life. If the Feeling part of themself is neglected, the ENTP may not value other people's input enough, or may become overly harsh and aggressive. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Cersei Lannister “The Performer” ESFP For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage. They love to be the center of attention and perform for people. They're constantly putting on a show for others to entertain them and make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it. ESFPs have a very well-developed appreciation for aesthetic beauty, and an excellent sense of space and function. If they have the means, they're likely to have to have many beautiful possessions, and an artfully furnished home. In general, they take great pleasure in objects of aesthetic beauty. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, such as good food and good wine.

The ESFP under a great deal of stress gets overwhelmed with negatives thoughts and possibilities. As an optimistic individual who lives in the world of possibilities, negative possibilities do not sit well with them. In an effort to combat these thoughts, they're likely to come up with simple, global statements to explain away the problem. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Daenarys Targaryen “The Inspirer” ENFP ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. 

An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked. ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Jon Snow “The Artist” ISFP ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. 

They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws. ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Sansa Stark “The Giver” ESFJ ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others. The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about. (Descriptions Source: Personality Page)

Arya Stark “The Virtuoso” ISTP ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly. ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers". 

 ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone. An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Jaime Lannister “The Doer” ESTP ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing. 

 ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They're fast-moving, fast-talking people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They're usually very good at story telling and improvising. They typically makes things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It's not that they don't care about people, it's that their decision-making process does not involve taking people's feelings into account. The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and is suspicious of other people's intuition as well. (Description Source: Personality Source)

Jorah Mormont “The Defender” ISFJ ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best. ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method. 

 The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Samwell Tarly “The Dreamer” INFP INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. 

 Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well. INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. (Description Source: Personality Page)

Theon Greyjoy “The Doer” ESTP ESTPs are energetic thrill-seekers who are at their best when putting out fires, whether literal or metaphorical. They bring a sense of dynamic energy to their interactions with others and the world around them. They assess situations quickly and move adeptly to respond to immediate problems with practical solutions.

The first thing you notice about the ESTP is likely to be their energy. They’re often chatting, joking, and flirting with friends and strangers alike. They enjoy engaging playfully with others and amusing everyone around them with their irreverent sense of humor. They tend to keep people on their toes, never quite knowing what the ESTP will poke fun at next. ESTPs are unabashedly gregarious with people, but their interest in individuals may not last long; they are more likely to work a room, having a laugh with everyone, than they are to engage in depth with any one person. (Description Source: Truity)