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#perhaps no major tips to work by; but I hope it is of some help anyway
zhalfirin-binds · 2 years
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Hello! Maybe you’ve answered something similar before, but do you have any major tips for first time book-binders? I’m taking my first intensive soon <3
Hello In fact, I have not :) So what to tell, hm, don't be afraid of big projects. The small ones are quicker and you see the results faster, but if there's a big project your hear beats for, go for it! Don't use up your most expensive materials in the very first project. Rather go for something you can replace easily again, because you will have plenty of ... unique features in your early books (and in some of the later ones too, to be fair).
If you cut something, rather cut a tad too big than too small. (Even 1 mm is a lot in book dimensions.)
There will be plenty of things to improve in books to come, but be kind to yourself, you're doing this the first time and fortunately the learning curve is very steep so you will see how your work improves quickly.
Don't be afraid to ask questions! There are a lot fanbinders out here and I have not come across one who was not willing to help however they could. (If you're looking for a community there is a renegade bindery discord server where you can find all stages of binders from first book binders to up to a hundred books bound with support from typeset to binding methods to improvised tools).
You can do bookbinding very elaborate, complicated and expensive, but it can be done very low cost and simple as well. There are plenty of things you may wish for, but most of them are not needed to bind a book.
But most of all, enjoy the ride. Bookbinding is a wonderful and as I think very rewarding hobby and I'm happy for you to get started and make those experiences the first time <3
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mononijikayu · 17 days
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strip poker — gojo satoru.
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You leaned in a little closer, your voice dropping just enough for only him to hear. “Alright, Gojo Satoru. Since you’re so persistent… How about we make this interesting?”  He raised an eyebrow, a playful grin forming on his lips. “Oh? I’m listening to you, doll.” he replied, clearly intrigued by whatever you had in mind. You took a sip of your drink, letting the silence hang between you for a moment, watching as his eyes remained locked on yours, his curiosity practically radiating off him. “Strip poker.” you said finally, a mischievous glint in your eye. “Just you and me. What do you say?”
WARNING/s: NSFW (R18+), Fluff, Romance, Love at First Sight, Strangers to Lovers, Pet Names (Doll, Boy, Baby, Etc), Profanity, Stripping Clothes, Oral Sex, Fingering, P to V Sex, Kissing, Making Out, Humor, Flirting, Teasing, Mention of Stripping, Mention of Body Parts, Mention of Sexual Acts, Mention of Alcohol, Depiction of Sexual Acts, Depiction of Nudity, Depiction of Alcoholic Beverage;
WORDS: 7.8k words.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: lately a lot of my works were really long, so i realized people need a refreshing thing from me than my long story formats. i thought about this during a writing block and i just thought that maybe, satoru would be the type to enjoy something like this, you know? and i think shoko and suguru would just try to make gojo greet all the guests and he'll be pouty. unless its reader, because reader is loved by gojo a lot (he just met you at this party) but anyway, if i posted this, it means the majority poll meant gojo won. but anyway i hope you enjoy this!!! i love you all~ 🫶
ADDENDUM: with an hour left in the vote and the gap being wide — gojo does win 🙂‍↕️
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if you want to, tip! <3
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HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING EXCITING. Gojo Satoru leaned against the doorway, his drink swirling lazily in his hand, the dim light of the room casting playful shadows across his face. His eyes, those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see everything and nothing at once, were fixed on you. You were standing with Shoko and Suguru, laughing at some private joke, and he couldn't help but wonder how he had never noticed you before.
It was strange. He knew everyone worth knowing, especially those who moved in Shoko's and Suguru's circles. But you... you were different. Your laughter was genuine, your smile bright, and there was a certain ease to the way you carried yourself—a confidence that wasn’t showy but quietly powerful, drawing people in without even trying.
As you spoke, he watched the way your lips curved into a grin, the way your eyes sparkled with mischief. He could see that Suguru was captivated, leaning in to listen more closely, while Shoko rolled her eyes with a fond smile that suggested she was used to whatever game you were playing. Satoru couldn't quite hear what you were saying from where he stood, but he caught snippets of your voice, warm and inviting, tinged with a teasing edge that piqued his curiosity even more.
"How is it," he muttered to himself, "that someone like you has managed to slip under my radar?"
He took a sip of his drink, his gaze never wavering, trying to piece together the puzzle that was you. Maybe you were new to their circle, or perhaps you had always been there, hidden in plain sight, and he just hadn’t been paying close enough attention. Either way, he was intrigued, and that wasn't something that happened often.
When Shoko glanced over and caught his eye, she raised an eyebrow, smirking as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. He gave her a playful wink in response, but his attention quickly returned to you.
Suguru, noticing the shift in focus, turned and followed Shoko's gaze, a knowing smile tugging at his lips. "Satoru, come here." he called out, motioning for him to join. "Why are you lurking over there like a ghost at a party? Come say hi."
Satoru grinned and pushed himself off the doorframe, making his way over with a casual, easy stride. "I wouldn’t call it lurking, Suguboo." he said, slipping effortlessly into the group, his gaze still locked on you. "Just... observing."
You turned to face him fully, and for the first time, he felt the full force of your presence. Up close, you were even more intriguing—eyes bright and challenging, a playful smile dancing on your lips. "Observing, huh?" you echoed, clearly amused. "Is that what they’re calling it these days?"
His grin widened, loving the way you didn’t shrink under his scrutiny but seemed to meet it head-on. "Well, you know, doll." he replied smoothly, "I like to get a feel for things before diving in."
Shoko snorted softly, rolling her eyes. "Translation: he likes to watch before he pounces."
"Careful, Satoru." Suguru added with a chuckle. "You’re starting to sound like a creep."
Satoru laughed, the sound light and carefree. "Maybe I am, Maybe I’m not." he admitted, his gaze still fixed on you. "But I like to have some good surprises for the interesting ones."
Your smile widened, clearly enjoying the attention, and you leaned in slightly, closing the distance between you. "So, am I interesting to you, Gojo?"
He felt a spark of electricity at the way you said his name, the way it rolled off your tongue like you’d known him for years. “Oh, definitely.” he replied, his voice dropping to a low, playful drawl. “Interesting enough to make me wonder how I've missed you all this time.”
You laughed softly, a sound that sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. “Maybe you just weren’t looking hard enough.” you teased him. “Maybe you need to have a better look, don’t you think?”
He leaned in closer, his smile turning sly. “Oh, I’m looking now.”
There was a beat of silence, charged with unspoken words and possibilities, and Satoru could feel the air between you crackle with an almost tangible energy. He was used to this game, the dance of flirtation, but there was something about you that felt different—like you were two steps ahead of him, and he was enjoying every second of trying to catch up.
“Let’s see if you can keep up.” you said, your eyes glinting with challenge. “Because I’m not that easy to catch, Gojo.”
His grin widened, excitement bubbling up in his chest. “Oh, I do love a challenge, doll.” he murmured, taking another sip of his drink, his eyes never leaving yours. “And trust me, I’m very persistent when I sense something good for me.”
“Then am I good for you?” You grinned at him, eyes full of amusement.
He returned your grin. “Why, the moment I saw you, doll — you were good for me and all of my lifetimes.”
Suguru and Shoko exchanged glances, their amusement clear as they observed the growing tension between you and Satoru. Shoko's eyes sparkled with mischief, clearly enjoying the unfolding drama, while Suguru's smirk spoke of his own quiet amusement at the game Satoru was now fully immersed in. They didn’t need to say a word; their silent communication conveyed everything—this was going to be entertaining.
Satoru, however, was oblivious to their silent exchange. His focus was entirely on you, his mind buzzing with possibilities. The playful challenge you’d just thrown at him had ignited a spark of curiosity and interest that he couldn’t ignore. As he watched you, the way your eyes sparkled with mischief and your smile held a promise of excitement, he found himself drawn in even more.
You leaned in a little closer, your voice dropping just enough for only him to hear. “Alright, Gojo since you’re so persistent… How about we make this interesting?” 
He raised an eyebrow, a playful grin forming on his lips. “Oh? I’m listening to you, doll.” he replied, clearly intrigued by whatever you had in mind.
You took a sip of your drink, letting the silence hang between you for a moment, watching as his eyes remained locked on yours, his curiosity practically radiating off him. “Strip poker.” you said finally, a mischievous glint in your eye. “Just you and me. What do you say?”
"Are you serious?" Satoru chuckled, his grin spreading wide across his face. The light overhead cast a gleam on his white hair, making him look even more striking under the dim glow of the room. 
"Dead serious, darling." you replied, eyes glinting with a playful challenge. "Unless, of course, the great Gojo Satoru is afraid of a little game."
His grin only widened at the bait. "Afraid? Not exactly my style. But I've got to admit, it's not every day someone proposes strip poker to me the first time we meet." He took a sip from his drink, eyes never leaving yours, scanning for any sign of bluff or mischief.
You shrugged, leaning against the table with an easy confidence that only intrigued him more. "What can I say? I like to keep things interesting. And you looked like you could use a little excitement."
He laughed, the sound rich and unrestrained. "So, what's the catch? I lose, and you get a fun little story to tell your friends? Or do I win, and...?"
You raised an eyebrow, feigning innocence. "Who says I intend to lose? Besides, winning isn't everything. It's the fun in between, Satoru."
He blinked at the use of his first name, a small surprise evident in his expression. Most people would hesitate to use it so casually, but coming from you, it felt oddly natural—like it had always been meant to be spoken by you. There was something about the way you said it, with that hint of mischief and confidence, that made it feel less like an invasion of personal space and more like an intimate invitation.
For a moment, Satoru’s gaze flickered around the room. It was then that he realized Shoko and Suguru had somehow vanished. The two had a knack for disappearing at precisely the right moment, leaving him in a situation that was both intriguing and precarious. Typical of them, really. They always seemed to know exactly when to make their exit, leaving him to fend for himself in whatever delightful predicament they had orchestrated.
A chuckle escaped his lips as he looked back at you, his eyes twinkling with both amusement and a hint of challenge. “Well, it looks like we’re on our own.” he said, his tone light but laced with a playful edge. “I suppose that means we get to make our own rules now.”
You raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying the turn of events. “Seems like it, glasses.” you replied, your voice smooth and teasing. “So, what do you say?”
He grinned, the playful glint in his eyes growing stronger. “I think we should make the most of this opportunity, doll. Let’s not waste time,” he said, stepping closer, his gaze never leaving yours. “After all, it’s not every day I get to have a game of strip poker with someone as intriguing as you.”
His words were laced with a mix of flirtation and eagerness, his tone smooth and inviting. The term “doll” came out with a casual intimacy, making the moment feel even more charged. You could feel the heat between you intensify as he closed the distance, his presence commanding and electrifying.
You met his gaze with a confident smile, your heart racing a little faster. “Alright, Gojo.” you replied, your voice low and sultry. He pouts. You returned to calling him by his last name. You liked teasing him, he thinks. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“You better watch it, doll.” he said, setting his drink down and crossing his arms over his chest, still grinning. “I’ll bite. Let’s play. But don’t expect me to go easy on you. And don’t think for a second that I’ll be the one taking off anything first.” 
You laughed, a sound that made him feel strangely lighter, more at ease. “Oh, I’m counting on it.” you said, your voice full of playful confidence.
His grin widened, the challenge lighting up his expression. “You’re so interesting, doll.” He chuckled, clearly delighted. “Where have you been all my life?”
You tilted your head slightly, enjoying the way his words seemed to both flatter and intrigue. “Well, you know….” you replied, your tone teasing. “Maybe I’ve been waiting for the right moment to make an entrance. And tonight, it looks like the stars finally aligned.”
Satoru’s eyes sparkled with genuine curiosity and admiration. “I have to say, I’m glad they did, doll.” he said, leaning in a bit closer, his voice dropping to a sultry whisper. “Because you’ve definitely made this night unforgettable.”
“You’re quite the flirt.” 
“Gotta shoot all the shots to win, doll.” He winks at you.
You shrugged, your smile teasing. “Well, you say this now….but you’ll lose to me too.” 
He laughed, a carefree, confident sound that made Shoko and Suguru glance over with a raised eyebrow from a distant space. “Oh, I never lose.” he replied, leaning closer, his voice a low, tempting drawl. “Especially not when there’s something I really want.”
You rolled your eyes, but your grin didn’t fade. “Then prove it.” you said, nodding toward a quieter, dimly lit room down the hall. “Let’s go.”
Satoru, for his part, didn’t hesitate. He set his drink down with a casual flick of his wrist, his bright cerulean eyes still locked on yours as he pushed off the wall. He reached out and took your hand, his grip warm and confident.
“Lead the way, doll.” he said, his voice dripping with playful challenge.
You felt a rush of excitement at his quick agreement, and you couldn’t help but grin. You felt a thrill of excitement as you led him down the hall, the dim lighting casting soft shadows and adding an air of intimacy to the moment. With every step, the noise of the party grew more distant, replaced by the soft thrum of your heartbeat and the electric tension between you.
As you reached the door to the quieter room, you glanced back at him, a teasing smile playing on your lips. Gojo Satoru’s gaze was unwavering, his bright eyes reflecting a mixture of anticipation and admiration. He could feel the adrenaline in him. This was exciting. And he liked it. He liked you.
You pushed open the door, revealing a cozy, dimly lit space that felt almost like a secret hideaway. The room was furnished simply but comfortably, with a plush carpet and a few scattered cushions. It was the perfect setting for the game you had in mind.
He looked around, a playful smirk still on his face. “Alright, doll.” he said, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it onto a chair. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
You grabbed a deck of cards from a nearby table, shuffling them with a practiced ease. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you, Gojo.” you teased, dealing the cards out between you.
Satoru sat opposite you, his posture relaxed, but his gaze was intense, locked onto you with an almost predatory focus. “I think I’ll take my chances, doll.” he replied smoothly. “And please, call me Satoru. Gojo is too formal for your gorgeous lips to mouth.”
You smiled, enjoying the tension that hung thick in the air between you, the game already beginning before a single card was played. "Alright then, Satoru." you said, your voice dripping with anticipation. "Let’s see who’s getting undressed first."
He chuckled, picking up his cards and leaning back comfortably. “Oh, it’s on now.” 
And just like that, the game was set—a battle of wits, charm, and maybe something more.
You watched as his long legs folded with a graceful ease that didn’t quite match the competitive glint in his cocky blue eyes. He grabbed a deck of cards from a nearby table, his movements fluid, almost theatrical as he shuffled with deft, experienced hands.
You sat across from him, the distance between you feeling both vast and electric, like an unspoken challenge hanging in the air. The way you held his gaze, unwavering and unyielding, only made Gojo Satoru more intrigued. He wasn’t used to people looking at him like that—like he was just another person in the room, not just some role people fit upon him or a man with a reputation that preceded him.
“So, doll….” he began, dealing out the first hand with a practiced flick of his wrist. “How do you know Shoko and Suguru? And why haven't we met before tonight?”
You picked up your cards, smiling slyly. “Oh, I’m sure they’ve mentioned me. I’m just good at staying under the radar… when I want to.” 
He leaned back, considering your words. “Mysterious. I like that. But I'm pretty good at picking up on secrets. Better watch out.”
You chuckled softly. “I think I’ll take my chances.” 
The game began, and with each round, you both played with a mix of strategy and daring. He tried to read you, his eyes narrowing whenever you made a bold move, but you held your own, bluffing with an expertise that surprised him. His usual smug grin faltered slightly, and you could tell he was trying to decipher the mystery in your gaze. The room seemed to shrink with the tension between you, each card dealt heightening the stakes.
Satoru leaned forward, his gaze never leaving your face, a playful yet challenging spark in his eyes. “You’re a lot harder to read than I thought.” he murmured, the corner of his mouth curling upward in amusement. “But I like a good mystery.” 
You smirked in response, feeling the heat of his stare, knowing he was trying to unravel you with every glance, but determined to keep him guessing. You were sure that soon enough, a pile of discarded clothing would grow between you steadily. But so far, there has been little, with your little ties. All you had removed were little, like a hair tie or a necktie. 
You agreed it was still part of clothes. But then again, you just both wanted it to last a little longer. One after the other though was tossed aside with a flick of your wrist or a slow, deliberate grin from him, marking the razor's edge between victory and defeat. 
The room little by little crackled with tension, the air thick with challenge and heat, and every turn of a card seemed to bring you closer, like magnets drawn together by an irresistible force. The game had become something more than a little fun thing — it was a dance with a Russian roulette where every bluff was a whispered confession, every raise a daring promise. 
Your pulse quickened with every sly smile he threw your way, every calculated tilt of his head, and his eyes bore into yours, gleaming with a hunger that was impossible to ignore. The stakes climbed higher with every move, the line between a win and a loss blurring into something electric, something tantalizingly close to dangerous. 
You could feel it in your bones — this was no longer just about cards or luck; it was about who would yield first, who would surrender to the inevitable tension simmering in the space between your bodies. And you like winning. But so did he. Winning was after all, a different sort of drug to be enjoyed.
Neither of you spoke, but the room was filled with a silent conversation, an exchange of glances and gestures that spoke volumes. The game wasn’t just about winning — it was about who could push the other further, who could tease out the truth hidden behind those guarded eyes. Neither of you wanted to lose, not when the real prize was so tantalizingly close. And as another card fell, you knew this was only the beginning.
"You're not bad, doll." he admitted, his shirt still firmly on but with a hint of pink on his cheeks, likely from the alcohol. “But I’ve been known to turn the tables.”
“I wouldn’t have suggested this game if I didn’t think I could win, Satoru.” you replied confidently, leaning forward. The playful spark in your eyes never left, and it only seemed to fuel Satoru’s competitive spirit further.
Round after round, pieces of clothing slowly came off. A shoe here, a sock there. He was still confident, leaning in closer as he laid down another hand. "Full house." he declared, his grin downright wicked now.
You glanced at his cards, then backed up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Nice." you said, sounding impressed, before laying your cards down with a flourish. "Straight flush."
He blinked, then laughed—a genuine, delighted laugh that came from deep in his chest. "No way! You little—"
“Looks like someone’s going to lose a little more than just their pride, Satoru.” you teased, enjoying the way his grin faltered for a moment, his confidence taking a tiny, amusing dip.
He leaned back in his chair, pretending to think deeply, then slowly began to unbutton his shirt. “Alright, alright. I’m a man of my word, doll.” he conceded, though his eyes never left yours, sparkling with mischief. “But don’t get too comfortable. The game’s not over yet.”
As he shrugged out of his shirt, you found yourself momentarily distracted by the unexpected sight—his lean, toned frame catching the dim light. Satoru noticed, his smile turning sly. “See something you like?” 
You shrugged, keeping your expression neutral. "Just waiting for my next win."
He laughed again, a sound that seemed to fill the room, light and unburdened. “Oh, this is really crazy. I like that.” he murmured, leaning in closer, his voice dropping slightly. “I like you.”
You raise your glass, meeting his gaze with a bold smile. "The feeling might be mutual, but don't think for a second that means I'm letting you win."
For the first time in a while, Gojo Satoru felt a genuine thrill that had nothing to do with curses or danger. Just the electric spark of a moment, a challenge, and the intriguing mystery of the person sitting across from him, daring him to come closer.
The game continued on, the air thick with anticipation, each round upping the stakes. Satoru was completely absorbed now, his usual nonchalant demeanor replaced with focused intensity. For every card dealt, every sly smile exchanged, he found himself more drawn into this unexpected encounter. 
As the rounds progressed, it became increasingly clear that you were holding your own. The playful banter between the two of you had turned into something sharper, more personal. It wasn't just a game anymore; it was a test—a test of wills, of understanding, of reading between the lines of every look and laugh.
Satoru tossed his next set of cards on the table. "Three of a kind." he said, tapping his fingers lightly against the table, eyes flickering with amusement. "Not my best, but not bad."
You looked down at your own hand, considering your options. "Hmm…." you hummed, tapping your chin thoughtfully before placing your cards down. "Four of a kind."
His mouth fell open in exaggerated shock. "No way! You’re cheating!” 
You laughed, a carefree sound that seemed to light up the room. "Maybe you just need to step up your game, Gojo Satoru."
He tilted his head, pretending to look hurt, but his smile was as bright as ever. “Oh, I see how it is. You're trying to humble me. I can't let that happen. I have a reputation to uphold.”
He reached for his belt, starting to unbuckle it with deliberate slowness, making a show of every movement. "You really want to play with fire, huh?" he teased, his voice dropping to a low, conspiratorial whisper. "Careful, you might get burned."
You met his gaze head-on, your smile never wavering. "I think I can handle the heat."
He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re something else, you know that?” He leaned forward, elbows on the table, close enough that you could feel the faint brush of his energy, his presence suddenly more intense. “But I’ve got a feeling you’re not here just for a game, are you?”
Your eyes sparkled, the corners of your lips curling up just slightly. “Maybe I’m here to see what all the fuss is about. People talk about you, you know… like you’re this untouchable legend.”
He leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest with a playful smirk. “And what do they say?”
You tilted your head, pretending to think. “Oh, you know… that you’re the strongest, the smartest, the most arrogant—”
“Hey!” he interrupted, laughing. “I’m not that arrogant… just very self-aware.”
You laughed too, feeling the tension between you soften into something warmer, more familiar. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”
His grin widened. "You think I’m a show-off, huh?”
“I think,” you said slowly, leaning in just a little closer, “that you like being the center of attention. And I think you’re not used to people seeing through that.”
Satoru blinked, the playful glint in his eyes dimming just slightly, replaced by something more genuine, more intrigued. “And what do you see when you look at me?”
You paused, considering your answer, letting the silence stretch just long enough to keep him guessing. “I see someone who likes to keep people at a distance. Someone who hides a lot behind that smile.”
He tilted his head, his expression softer now, almost contemplative. “And you think you know what I’m hiding?”
You shrugged. “Not yet. But I think you might want someone to try and figure it out.”
For a moment, he was quiet, watching you with those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see everything and yet reveal nothing. Then, slowly, he smiled—a softer, more sincere smile than before. “Maybe I do.”
The tension in the room shifted again, this time to something less tangible, a mix of curiosity and possibility hanging in the air between you. The game had become secondary; it was clear now that something deeper was at play. Satoru leaned back, his grin returning, though his eyes were still searching for yours.
“Alright, doll.” he said, voice vibrant and light. “One more hand. Winner takes all.”
“All?” you echoed, arching an eyebrow. “And what exactly is ‘all,’ Satoru?”
He leaned forward again, his smile turning mischievous. “That’s the fun part—we get to decide. Maybe it’s another game. Maybe it’s just a walk under the stars. Or maybe…”
“Maybe?” you prompted, leaning in as well, feeling the pull between you tighten.
“Maybe, doll….” he said softly, his voice almost a whisper now, “it’s just finding out who you really are, and why you make me feel like I’ve met you before, even though I’m sure I haven’t.”
Your heart skipped a beat at the unexpected honesty in his words. This was not the Gojo Satoru you’d expected, not quite. But maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of something neither of you had anticipated.
“Deal.” you said finally, holding out your hand for him to shake.
He took it, his grip warm and firm. “Deal.”
You felt the warmth of his hand linger longer than necessary, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand in a way that sent a shiver down your spine. Neither of you pulled away, your hands still clasped together, as if testing each other’s resolve.
“Are you trying to distract me?” you teased, but your voice came out softer than you intended, betraying the flutter of anticipation building in your chest.
Satoru’s smile widened, a hint of something darker and more thrilling sparking in his eyes. “Is it working?” he asked, his voice low and velvety, closer now, his breath brushing against your skin.
You held his gaze, feeling the air between you grow thick with tension, the kind that made your pulse quicken. “Maybe a little.” you admitted, and his grin grew even more wicked.
He didn’t release your hand, instead using it to pull you closer across the small table, until you were only inches apart. “Good.” he murmured, his voice a husky whisper that sent a thrill down your spine. “Because I’m curious… What else could I do to distract you?”
Before you could answer, his free hand reached up, his fingers lightly tracing the line of your jaw, his touch gentle but purposeful. “I’ve got a few ideas.” he continued, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip, his eyes following the movement like he was memorizing every detail. 
Your breath hitched, your heart pounding in your chest as his fingers moved down, tracing the curve of your neck, his touch feather-light but sending sparks of heat through your veins. “You talk a big game,” you whispered, barely able to keep your voice steady, “but can you back it up?”
His eyes flashed with amusement and something else—something darker, hungrier. “Oh, I think you’ll find I’m very good at keeping my promises.” he replied softly, leaning in until his lips were a breath away from yours. “Especially the fun ones.”
And then, without warning, he closed the distance between you, capturing your lips in a kiss that was soft at first, almost teasing, before deepening with a sudden intensity that made your head spin. His hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you even closer, and you felt the world around you disappear, leaving just the heat of his mouth, the press of his body against yours.
You kissed him back with equal fervor, your hands finding their way to his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart under your palms. His lips moved against yours with an urgency that sent a rush of heat through your body, your skin tingling everywhere he touched. 
He broke the kiss, just enough to murmur against your lips, “You’re full of surprises,” before diving back in, his kiss rougher this time, more insistent. His hands slid down to your waist, pulling you onto his lap in one swift movement. You gasped against his mouth, feeling the firmness of his body beneath you, the heat of his skin through the fabric of your clothes.
Your hands tangled in his hair, tugging just hard enough to elicit a low groan from him, a sound that sent a delicious thrill through you. “Satoru.” you breathed, his name slipping from your lips like a secret, and his response was a grin against your mouth, wicked and knowing.
“Yeah?” he asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest, his hands roaming up your back, sliding under your shirt, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin that left trails of fire in their wake.
You didn’t answer, just kissed him harder, pressing your body against his, feeling the heat building between you, the tension coiling tighter and tighter, ready to snap. His lips moved to your neck, his teeth grazing your skin in a way that made you gasp, your head tilting back to give him more access.
He chuckled softly, his breath hot against your neck. “Sensitive, are we?” he teased, but his voice was strained, as if he was barely holding himself back. His hands slid lower, gripping your hips and pressing you down against him, letting you feel exactly how much he wanted you.
You let out a soft moan, your fingers gripping his shoulders for support. “Maybe,” you whispered, your voice breathless. “But I think you like that.”
He laughed, a low, husky sound that sent a shiver down your spine. “Oh, I do,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear. “I like everything about you… so far.”
You pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes, seeing the raw desire there, the need that mirrored your own. “Then maybe, Satoru, baby.” you whispered, leaning in to brush your lips against his, “You should stop talking and show me.”
He grinned, a wicked, knowing grin that made your heart race. “Challenge accepted, doll.” he said, and then his lips were on yours again, his kiss consuming, his hands exploring, leaving no part of you untouched, as if he wanted to memorize every inch of you. 
You looked at him and grinned. “Let me make you feel good, boy.” 
“Make it happen then, lovely.” He steps out of his pants and you sink to your knees on the plush carpet beneath you, licking your lips as he frees his member.. Your eyes meeting him.
You held his gaze, your grin widening as you saw the anticipation flicker in his eyes, a mix of mischief and hunger that mirrored your own. “Oh, I will,baby.” you promised, your voice a low purr that seemed to send a shiver down his spine.
You let your gaze trail down his body, taking in the sight of his lean, toned form before letting your eyes settle on his length, now freed and hard. A spark of excitement danced through you, and you licked your lips, feeling a wave of heat wash over you as you dropped to your knees on the plush carpet, every movement slow and deliberate, keeping his attention locked on you.
Satoru watched you, his breath hitching, and you could feel his intense gaze on you, almost like a physical touch. Your hands reached up, fingertips brushing lightly against his thighs, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your palms as you leaned in, your breath ghosting over his length. His eyes widened slightly, a soft exhale escaping his lips, and you could tell he was already on edge, trying to maintain his composure.
You looked up at him through your lashes, meeting his gaze with a wicked grin. “Ready, Satoru?” you teased, your voice soft and sultry, letting the anticipation build for a moment longer.
His eyes darkened, a soft growl escaping him. “Stop teasing, doll.” he muttered, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders, his fingers tightening slightly, betraying his eagerness. “Do your worst.”
Without another word, you leaned in, your tongue flicking out to tease the tip, tasting the salty bead of pre-cum that had formed there. Satoru sucked in a breath, his hips jerking slightly at the contact, and you felt a rush of satisfaction at the effect you were already having on him.
Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, taking him inch by inch into your mouth, savoring the weight of him on your tongue, the way he filled your mouth completely. His hand moved to your hair, fingers threading through your strands, not pushing, but just holding, grounding himself in the sensation of your warm mouth around him.
You started to move, your mouth sliding up and down his length with slow, deliberate strokes, your tongue swirling around him, adding just enough pressure to draw soft, breathy moans from his lips. You glanced up at him, his head tipped back slightly, his mouth parted as he tried to keep his breathing steady.
“Fuck…..” he breathed, his voice strained, the hand in your hair tightening just a bit. “That’s… you’re good at this…”
You hummed around him, a low, vibrating sound that made his hips twitch, his fingers tightening in your hair. You felt a surge of triumph, your movements becoming bolder, faster, as you took him deeper, letting him feel the heat, the slick slide of your mouth, the way your lips tightened around him.
Satoru’s breathing grew heavier, and you could hear the soft sounds of pleasure escaping his lips, his usual confidence wavering under the intensity of your attention. His hips began to move with you, small thrusts that pushed him deeper into your mouth, and you welcomed it, matching his rhythm, taking him deeper still.
You felt his muscles tense under your hands, heard the low growl building in his throat, his fingers gripping your hair tighter as if he were holding on for dear life. “God… you’re driving me crazy, doll.” he muttered, his voice thick with desire, his control slipping. 
You pulled back slightly, just enough to speak, your breath warm against his length. “Good.” you whispered, your voice a husky murmur, “because I’m not stopping until you come undone for me, Satoru.”
He looked down at you, his eyes blazing with need, and you saw a flicker of surrender there, a flash of vulnerability that made your heart race. “Then don’t stop, doll.” he whispered back, his voice a low command. “Make me lose control.”
You grinned up at him before taking him back into your mouth, your movements faster, more deliberate, determined to bring him to the edge and push him over. You felt his body tighten, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his hips thrusting in time with your movements, and you knew he was close.
With a few more strokes, a few more swirls of your tongue, you felt him shudder, his whole body tensing as he let out a low, deep moan, his release hitting hard and fast. His hand tightened in your hair as he rode out the waves of pleasure, his breathing heavy, his eyes closed, his lips parted in a satisfied grin.
You pulled back slowly, watching him as he came down, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his skin flushed, his hair tousled. He opened his eyes, a lazy smile spreading across his face, his gaze soft and full of something you couldn’t quite place.
“Damn.” he breathed, still trying to catch his breath. “You’re… something else.”
You smiled, wiping the corner of your mouth with your thumb, feeling a flush of your own. “Told you I’d make you feel good.” you replied, your voice light, teasing.
He chuckled, pulling you up to your feet and closer to him, his hands resting on your hips. “I think you’ve more than proven your point.” he murmured, leaning in to press a soft, lingering kiss against your lips, his smile warm against your mouth. “But now… it’s my turn.”
A soft gasp escapes your lips as his touch moves with a deliberate, tender pressure. The sensation sends ripples of pleasure through you, making your breath hitch. Your back arches instinctively, your body pressing closer to his. Every touch, every movement feels electric, your emotions swirling in a beautiful, overwhelming storm.
His lips brush against the sensitive skin of your neck, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake. Each kiss feels like a spark, igniting a fire that grows with every passing second. His hands glide along your back, pulling you closer still, as if he wants to feel every inch of you against him. Your breath quickens, matching the rhythm of your racing heartbeat.
His gaze meets yours, a mix of tenderness and something deeper, something that makes your heart flutter. “I want to make you feel everything, baby doll.” he whispers, his voice low and filled with promise.
You feel a surge of anticipation, your senses heightened, every touch sending a shiver down your spine. He takes his time, exploring every curve and contour, as if memorizing you. You’re lost in the sensation, in the way he makes you feel cherished, wanted, and entirely his. The world fades away, leaving just the two of you in a cocoon of shared intimacy and unspoken connection.
Your fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, and he responds with a soft, satisfied hum, his smile widening against your skin. “Stay with me, ‘toru.” you breathe, the words escaping almost involuntarily, a plea and a declaration all at once.
His hold on you tightens, and he nods, his eyes filled with an emotion so intense it takes your breath away. “Always.” he promises, sealing his vow with another lingering kiss that sends a wave of warmth through your entire being.
His hands roam down your sides with a deliberate slowness, tracing every curve as if savoring the feel of you beneath his fingertips. His touch is both gentle and insistent, a wordless reminder of the connection between you. As his lips move back to yours, the kiss deepens, becoming more passionate, more consuming, his tongue teasing yours in a dance that sets your nerves alight.
You can feel the heat radiating from his body, his warmth enveloping you like a blanket. Every movement is careful yet filled with an undeniable urgency. His fingers slip beneath the fabric of your clothes, his touch sending shivers of anticipation down your spine. Your breaths mingle, becoming heavier, the room thick with the electric charge of your shared desire.
He pulls back just enough to study your face, his gaze intense and filled with a hunger that sends a thrill through you. “You’re so beautiful, doll.” he murmurs, his voice husky with emotion. “Every part of you.” His hands move lower, caressing the sensitive skin of your waist, drawing a soft sigh from your lips.
You could feel the edges of your nails dig deep into Satoru’s back, leaving red marks once after another in the canvas of his supple skin. Each breath comes out in a shaky gasp, and you can feel him shiver beneath your touch, his skin heating under your fingertips. He groans softly at the sensation, the sound vibrating against your lips as he kisses you deeply, hungrily.
“‘Toru…baby….” you gasp out between moans, voice trembling with need. “You feel so good, goddddd…”
Your hips move instinctively against his hand, seeking that delicious friction, chasing the elusive climax that seems tantalizingly close but always just out of reach. You wondered where he has been all your life, where has this pleasure been all your life. 
He smiles against your lips, his voice a low whisper, almost teasing. “I’ve got you, doll.” he murmurs, his fingers pressing deeper, moving with a slow, rhythmic intensity that makes you cry out softly. “Let me take you there.”
Satoru’s thumb circles gently, adding a different sensation, his eyes fixed on yours, watching every expression, every shudder of pleasure that passes over your face. His other hand is firm on your waist, guiding your movements, coaxing you closer, pulling you toward that edge with a deliberate slowness that drives you mad. 
You feel the tension build inside you, every nerve ignited by his touch, his name spilling from your lips in a breathless whisper. “Satoru… baby....please…” you beg, the need in your voice is unmistakable.
He chuckles softly, his breath hot against your ear. “I love hearing you say my name like that, doll.” he whispers, his touch becoming more insistent, more purposeful. The heat between you grows, every sensation amplified by the intensity of the moment, his pace quickening, matching the desperate rhythm of your heartbeat.
Your body arches toward him, every inch of you attuned to his movements, and you feel yourself spiraling, that sweet ache within you growing sharper, hotter. His fingers find that perfect spot, and suddenly, you’re lost to the wave of pleasure that crashes over you, your body trembling, a moan of pure ecstasy escaping your lips as Gojo holds you close, his name a soft prayer on your lips.
“I’ll eat you out later, doll. I promise.” Satoru whispers against your ear, his voice laced with a playful promise that sends a shiver down your spine. “But right now… I need to be inside you.”
He positions himself between your spread legs, leaning down to tease the head of his member against your hungry, slick folds, rubbing himself gently against you. Each movement is torturously slow, spreading your wetness across both of you, the friction drawing a gasp from your lips. He watches your reactions with a smirk, his bright blue eyes darkened with desire.
Looking up at you, Satoru grins, his expression mischievous and full of intent. “Let’s do something else for now.” he murmurs, his voice low and inviting. He starts to push into you slowly, stretching you inch by inch, his gaze never leaving yours.
The sensation is overwhelming, your body instinctively arching to take him deeper. You can feel every part of him, the way he fills you perfectly, the way your body molds around him. His hands grip your hips, steadying you as he moves further, a low groan escaping his throat. “You feel incredible, baby doll.” he breathes, his voice rough with pleasure, his control hanging by a thread.
Your nails dig even harder into his shoulders as he continues to push in, stretching you, filling you completely. He pauses for a moment, letting you adjust, his forehead pressed against yours.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, his breath hot against your lips, his voice softer, seeking reassurance even amidst his own urgency.
You nod, your fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer. “I’m okay… more than okay, ‘toru.” you murmur, a breathy moan escaping you as he begins to move again, slowly pulling back before thrusting in, setting a rhythm that makes your toes curl.
His pace quickens, each thrust more intense, more deliberate, as if he’s determined to draw every sound, every sigh, from your lips. His name falls from your mouth in a mix of gasps and pleas, and he responds with a low growl, his lips capturing yours in a heated kiss.
Satoru’s hands wander, one sliding up to cradle the back of your neck, the other gripping your hip, guiding you into his rhythm. Every movement feels perfectly timed, perfectly in sync, as if he knows exactly what you need, where to touch, how to move to drive you to the brink of ecstasy.
“God, I love the way you feel, doll.” he murmurs, his voice rough and desperate, his forehead pressing against yours as his pace becomes relentless, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through you. Your body tightens around him, drawing him deeper, the heat between you building to a crescendo, and you feel yourself start to unravel.
“Don’t hold back.” he urges, his voice thick with need, his eyes locked on yours. “Let go, doll… I want to feel you come undone.” 
And with those words, everything inside you shatters in a wave of pure, overwhelming pleasure. Your body trembles, your breath catches, and you call out his name, your world reduced to the feeling of him moving within you, holding you, as you both reach for that beautiful, shared climax.
︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶
epilogue 
You were exhausted. But you still had a curfew and your mother would be looking for you by now. When Satoru heard that, he immediately jumped up and said he'll take you home.
As you both fumbled to put your clothes back on in the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the window, Gojo’s mischievous grin didn’t fade for a second. His white shirt was still unbuttoned, hanging off one shoulder, and his pants were inside out — not that he seemed to care.
You tugged your shirt over your head, smoothing down your hair with a breathless laugh. "You look like you got dressed in the dark." you teased, glancing at the ridiculous state of his attire.
Gojo chuckled, leaning in to nuzzle your neck, his lips brushing against your ear. "Well, to be fair, I was a bit distracted by you, doll."
Rolling your eyes, you gave his chest a light push. "Sure, blame me for your lack of coordination."
He winked and, with a dramatic flair, flipped his sunglasses back on, even though it was well past midnight. "Oh, definitely. It’s always your fault when I can't keep my hands to myself."
You both burst into laughter, the absurdity of the situation washing over you. Finally, Gojo took a deep breath, still grinning but with a hint of sincerity creeping into his voice. "So… now that I've seen you at your best — and, uh, at your most undressed — how about a date?"
You blinked, caught off guard. "A date? Like… a normal date?"
He nodded, his expression surprisingly earnest despite the disheveled hair and the inside-out pants. "Yeah, you know, the kind where I take you out, we eat something that isn't each other, maybe even talk about our feelings."
You snorted, trying to stifle your giggles. "You sure you can handle that, Satoru? The whole talking thing sounds like a lot of work for you."
He dramatically clutched his chest as if wounded. "Ouch, doll, that hurt. But yes, I think I could manage… if it means I get to see you smile like that again."
You pretended to consider it for a moment, then shrugged, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "Fine. But I’m picking the place, and you’re wearing your pants the right way this time."
Gojo laughed, pulling you into his arms. "Deal. As long as you promise to wear something that makes me lose at poker again."
You smirked, leaning in close. "Oh, I think I can arrange that."
And as you both laughed, tangled in each other’s arms, the idea of a "normal" date didn't sound so bad after all.
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0san-ta0 · 5 months
Text
Late Night Missing You
synopsis ★ whilst arthur is off on a trip you start feeling lonely and resort to some unconventional methods of entertainment
pairing ★ fem!reader x arthur fredrick (arthurtv) author's notes ★ this is my first time writing an actual fic so it might be kinda shitty! feedback and tips are appreciated!! and i hope you enjoy!! <33 (NOT PROOFREAD)
arthur had been in sri lanka with chip and the boys for almost a week. although to you it felt way longer than that. sure, the facetimes, texts and voice notes were great but you couldn't help it as the loneliness had started creeping in by day 3. your usual daily routine had shifted slightly but your mind couldn't keep up, cooking enough for two or sitting on the couch waiting for arthur to walk through the door. your mood had been in the trenches and sitting alone in your apartment wasn't helping. you didn't want to bother your other friends this late at night. so you decided to have an impromptu stream, talking with the random people on your computer and drinking was sure to cheer you up.
you sat in front of your computer, a random video playing on your screen. you dared your chat that they coudn't send in a video to make you laugh, but if you did laugh that you'd take a shot. it had been about an hour of watching the most unhinged and random tiktoks and you were loosing horribly. a video of a young girl running into a wall flashed across the screen, sending you spiralling into a fit of laughter once again. maybe you felt bad about laughing but your sense of humour was wrecked at this point and coupled with the alcohol any odd video had you wheezing and reaching for the bottle of Bailey's infront of you.
"chat I swear I didn't mean too that doesn't count. i'm not taking a shot! at this rate i'll die of alcohol poisoning before midnight."
the comments started flowing in a majority of them about your new found adventurism, the other half was wondering where arthur was that he isn't supervising you. it was strange that he wasn't hovering in the background making sure you stayed hydrated or preparing your shots when he knew you for a fact that you were gonna laugh. your eyes glossed over the arthur comments trying not to let your mood shift too much, choosing to focus on the funnier comments.
"lilia284 thank you for the sub! and guys arthur is out of the country so..." you trailed off as the comments started on another tangent about where arthur was exactly.
"I can't tell you guys that but when it's released I'm sure you'll all be grateful for the lack of spoilers. now back to the videos and please no more children getting hurt I don't need to be clipped half drunk laughing at children. that's not good for my public image." then the topic switched to your most outrageous moments and you felt that you had successfully evaded the arthur topic and got your emotions in check.
restarting the video, it started with a man running and slipping down the stairs. your headphones playing at almost full volume you failed to hear the sound of the front door clicking open. filming had finished early and arthur wanted nothing more than to go home and lay in bed with you. walking into your shared apartment he looked around, searching for any sign of you before putting his suitcase down next to the door.
"y/n?" he called softly walking down the hall, poking his head into your dark bedroom before turning finding the light coming from your office door. he looked at the door and raised his eyebrows, you usually didn't stream this late perhaps you were doing some work.
then your voice came through, "this isn't fair that was a giggle, I don't deserve to drink for that you people just hate me!"
he stood outside the door confusion evident on his face, he took his phone from his pocket opening twitch. low and behold there you were front and center of his following page. he clicked the icon, just in time to see you poor a shot of Bailey's and down it.
another giggle escaped you lips as you placed the glass down on your desk, a smile making it's way to your lips. at this point you were more than buzzed and you could admit that comfortably. you turned to read off your donations and arthur saw his chance. he opened the chat and sent a 5 dollar donation to be read aloud.
'arthurtv $5 so this is what you do when I leave? I thought we got drunk together?'
your back stiffened slightly as you heard his name, you cleared you thought and smiled at the camera. "hi sweetheart!!" you waved at the camera and from outside arthur stood there smiling for a moment.
"I hope you're having fun and I miss you!" you mumbled, a pout making it's way to your face. then another donation came through.
'arthurtv $5 well if you really missed me you'd come outside!'
your eyebrows knit together as you look between the door and her stream then back to the door. your chat started flooding with messages about going to get your man and a lot of comments along those lines. you said a quick goodbye to your stream before shutting down your PC and turning to the door. arthur stood outside waiting for you to open it, a few moments passed before the door was flung open. you stood Infront of him a stupid smile on your face as you flung yourself into his arms.
"arthur I freaking missed you so much!" he laughed softly, running a hand along your back.
"so you chose to get drunk online?" he questioned raising an eyebrow.
"it was a better idea than laying on the floor and crying."
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lostinforestbound · 4 months
Note
OH GOD I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR REQUESTS OPENING!!
Okay, so- I would love to read your thoughts on healer Tav with Rolan! Could be HCs, or a blurb, whatever you prefer^^ if you decide to make it a blurb, perhaps Tav could be patching Rolan up after the fight with Lorroakan?
This was so fun, I haven't written about the aftermath of Lorroakan's battle much! I hope you're okay with Tav as a cleric?? It's what I immediately thought of!
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Rolan and Healer!Tav in the Aftermath of Lorroakan
Tav and their companions are absolutely exhausted. The fight with Lorroakan was nothing short of difficult, how were they supposed to know he had some elemental reaction? Karlach took plenty of hard hits because of it.
And then there was Rolan.
When they saw his bruises, they felt nothing short of anger. He was so excited for this apprenticeship, and Lorroakan twisted it into a punishment. He was a sick man, who now laid dead near Dame Aylin's feet after shattering his spine.
"Soldier," Karlach starts, putting a hand on their shoulder, "We're going to head back. Gale looks ready to collapse."
"Ah...yes. Of course." They say, eyes trailing to Rolan who has already grabbed a mop, "I'll catch up later. If not, I'll be here."
She gives a knowing smile before picking up Gale, throwing him over her shoulder despite his startled protest.
Dame Aylin gave the courtesy of disposing the body, so there is no worry there. They are worried about Rolan.
After promising to help in any way he can, it seems that he just started to...clean. Mindlessly. He's already mopping the floor of all the blood that was spilled, even as his muscles spasm from electrocution. He was almost killed, they all were, yet here he is, fucking cleaning.
They don't know whether to be more worried or pissed off.
"Rolan," they call, "What are you doing?"
"Cleaning. I do not want the blood to dry, it'll stick and be impossible to clean out."
"Did you even heal yourself?" They ask, marching up to him. "You got the worst of it all."
"I'm fine. Lorroakan is dead, the tower is mine. I do need to contact Lia and Cal-"
They snatch the mop out of his hand, and before he could argue they put a finger up. "Don't. Let me heal you."
"Tav-"
"You took a beating! We all did, and you shouldn't worry about cleaning! I'll help you with that later." They sigh, summoning their magic. "Rolan, please, I care about you and I know you're hurting."
He sighs heavily and relents, annoyed. "Just make it quick. I have a lot to do."
They ignore his sass, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and mutter their incantation. It's not nearly enough, but they feel Rolan slowly relax. A low level cure wounds is not what he needs through.
"It's not nearly enough. I'll patch you up. Now, take off your robes."
If they were paying attention, the could see how flustered Rolan's face went. "Tav, this is not necessary. You've done more than enough-"
"You are limping and I see the blood under your robes. Sit. Down." They demand.
He huffs incredulously and plops down on the book throne, slowly taking off his robes and under shirt. Those don't go without a few winces though.
Bruises, scars, and dried blood coat his body. The bastard seemed to be have beating him for a while, longer than Tav thought. It makes their blood boil, but now is not the time for anger.
They take out salves, bandages, and ointments from out of their pack and start working on the wounds quietly. Rolan suddenly looks extremely bitter, probably noticing that they had a question on the tip of their tongue. "I know that look, don't you dare judge me for sticking around even after the first hit."
"I would never judge. I don't understand it all, but...I want to."
He looks away, and Tav spots his eyes getting watery. "I don't wish to speak on it, today. I've done enough of that."
"Of course."
They finally manage to wrap up his more major injuries, which were at least sealed thanks to their spell. These are mostly to protect the more tender areas and prevent more injury. They know Rolan has been keeping it together in front of them, but he looks so tired.
When they open their arms up in offering, he carefully pulls them in for a hug. It's tight, it's crushing, but also secure. They don't say a word when they feel his body shake, or when their shoulder starts to feel wet, only pecking his temple as the man silently weeps. "I'm here."
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toms-cherry-trees · 9 months
Text
Don’t Hold My Hand (I’ll Break Your Heart) || Tommy Shelby x Fem OC ~ Ch. 3
Summary: The day Thomas has been awaiting for is finally here and things don't go as planned. The first crack begins to show
Word Count: 5.1k
Warnings: Talks of medical procedures, needles and blood. Tommy suffers a pain episode
Author’s note: I am so sorry this took so long! These past weeks have been terribly busy and I have been having a major writer crisis. Yet here we are and I hope you enjoy!
Requested taglist: @call-sign-shark @zablife
《 Prev part - Next Part 》
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Ever since their last encounter, Thomas’ attitude towards her shifted. Charlotte couldn’t say he respected her, for that would take more than a few harsh words and stern looks. But he seemed to have found something in her that piqued his interest. He still refused her help on the daily with the most basic of things, stubborn as a mule, or rather stubborn as a Shelby, but he granted her the ‘honour’ of a few words of conversation every now and then. And Charlotte used every chance she could to try and talk him out of his miracle doctor.
She brought up every argument she could muster, but they were all met with indifferent shrugs of the shoulders, dismissive waves of the hand and, when she pressed too hard, with Thomas turning his back to her and escaping her well intentioned words, seeking refuge in the safety of his veranda. Charlotte remembered time after time when she had to convince soldiers to follow treatment for their own good, to have their medicines and do the exercises and quit the alcohol and the laudanum. She never had to talk a man out of doing something, and definitely never a man like Thomas Shelby.
“Just tell me this, Thomas. Have you ever, at least once, met or even seen any of these veterans this doctor has claimed to cure?”
His silence sufficed as a reply.
The faithful day, Charlotte awoke with a bitter taste in her mouth and a heavy feeling in her stomach. A dull headache throbbed in her temples, since sleep had refused to find her, leaving her to toss and turn as the moon slowly gave way to the sun and the birds chirped in their branches. She did her best to carry on with her duties as usual, but every now and then she nervously glanced up towards the clock, waiting for the strike of 3 in the afternoon. The minutes felt too long and the hours too short. If she stared at the clock, the hands refused to move under her watchful gaze. But then she would turn her back for what felt like five minutes, and when she looked again, nearly an hour had transpired.
The doctor had sent beforehand some medicines that Thomas had to drink prior to the appointment. Charlotte had poured some onto a cup and stared at it intently, hoping that if she looked hard enough she could discern what exactly had been mixed into the ambary liquid, since the bottles had neither a chemist’s name nor any label. But other than identifying a hint of a sweet, herbal scent, she got nothing. 
A taxi stopped before the gates just five minutes to three. Mrs. Gray and Charlotte both awaited in the foyer, standing side by side, to welcome the man who promised them the greatest miracle to be ever seen. They heard voices out the door, and Frances opened before he could knock. The second the doctor crossed the threshold, the bad feeling in Charlotte’s gut worsened.
The man before her dressed poorly. And not in the modest but clean way that most working class people did. His brown suit had definitely seen better days, perhaps better years too; frayed at the hems, the seams stretched out and the buttons hanging precariously from thinned out threads. Whoever had sewn in the elbow patches definitely had very little practice in tailoring. The shirt had taken a yellow hue from wear and time, and some bare threads hung from the collar. The shoes desperately needed a visit to the shoemaker, soles detached on the tips, the gap widening with each step.
Two women came with him, one on each side and just a step behind him, both with severe faces and strict postures. They dressed as nurses did, with the light blue dress and the Sister Dora cap upon the hair, but had black rubber aprons tied about the waist instead of the usual soft white linen she herself wore. Their appearance evoked more butchers than healers. Charlotte could certainly picture them wielding cleavers and with red splatters on their faces, not precisely from slicing meat.
Mrs. Gray shared her apprehensions, that much Charlotte could tell by the way the older woman lowered her cigarette slowly, one hand holding onto the ruby pendant hanging from her neck, twirling the gem between her fingers nervously. They both shared a tense and brief side glance, loaded with trepidation,  when the doctor took Mrs Gray's hand and kissed it, his head lowered in a bow. She pulled away from his grasp delicately but firmly, the only betrayal in her collected facade being the slight narrowing of her eyes. He then tried to repeat the impish gesture with Charlotte; but the nurse’ hands remained firm behind her, not giving the audacious man even a speck of chance. 
The doctor straightened, arms behind his back and puffing out his chest like a proud peacock. He appeared to not be unfazed by the tepid welcoming, although Charlotte easily noticed his barely concealed disappointment. Perhaps in other houses he had been received with tears and cheers like a hero who would save the day. She wondered if he had been sent off with the same enthusiasm after his magical treatments. 
“Miss and Madame, I am Doctor Elias Keller '' He put a hand to his chest and bowed again, as if he were being presented to Queen Mary and her daughter in Buckingham Palace. “These are my assistants, Bertha and Henrietta” Both women nodded curtly once, still standing just a step behind Doctor Keller, like petty soldiers flanking a high ranking officer, ready to rush to do his bidding.
The man put out his hand again towards Mrs. Gray, mayhaps hoping for a handshake. But she didn’t give him the satisfaction, instead reaching for her cigarette case and lighting a new one. She took her time to take a long, deliberate drag and allowing the smoke to billow from her dark cherry lips before speaking
“I am Mrs. Gray, Mr. Shelby’s aunt. And this is Charlotte, Mr. Shelby’s private nurse” Charlotte had never heard her refer to Thomas as Mr. Shelby, but she understood the motive; she didn’t want to give Dr. Keller any chance of familiarity. As if she wanted, through subtle actions, to remind him of his position before he got too cocksure. In her line of work she had surely met one too many charlatans, Lottie thought, and she too could smell the rottenness in him. 
Doctor Keller smiled, although the gesture looked perfectly practised and not at all sincere. Charlotte did notice that he looked her up and down out of the corner of his eye, and not in a bawdy way; quite the opposite, in fact. He seemed uncomfortable with her presence, a feeling that had appeared upon his face only after Mrs. Gray mentioned her to be a nurse. He fixed his bowtie, giving it a firm tug before addressing her
“A nurse, you say? You certainly don’t look like one, far too young you are. Perhaps a maid turned caretaker?” He raised his eyebrows, his eyes twinkling with condescending amusement. Charlotte clenched her jaw, teeth nearly grinding in annoyance.
“War nurse, in fact. I served in convalescent homes and then field hospitals in France since 1916. I was awarded for distinguished service” She puffed out her chest at the last part. Even if her recognition strips and medal lay forgotten at the bottom of a drawer in her room she had the right to boast about them. She had earned them through hardship and sweat, and she would not let this mountebank look her down. 
Doctor Keller’s lips tightened into a line, but he regained himself with such ease one might even doubt the gesture existed. He straightened up once more, his eyes fixated upon Mrs. Gray, every aspect of his posture and demeanour indicating he wished to keep Charlotte excluded from the conversation
“Well Mrs. Gray, I must not be delayed. Every second that I am not by my patient’s side it is a second lost. I am very devoted to them and wish to give them only the best of everything, including my time” Charlotte had to look aside to disguise a poorly stifled laugh. The man didn’t spare her a glance, but his guarding dogs both looked her down with a mixture of annoyance and indignation. The shorter, much older woman reminded Charlotte of her commanding matron in the ward when she first enlisted; they both bore a particular type of severity in their faces that could put generals to their knees. Charlotte had bowed her head before the matron; out of respect for her status and service, but she would not let herself be intimidated by the walking circus before her.
Mrs. Gray on the other hand, had Doctor Keller’s complete attention on her. The man kept trying to go up the stairs, but she kept trying to delay him just a few more minutes
“You have just arrived, why don’t we have tea in the drawing room? We can sit down and discuss what treatment are you planning to implement on my nephew” Her manicured hand came to rest on the doctor’s bicep, as if attempting to steer him away from the grand staircase. But the man, who mere minutes ago had presented himself as fulsome and flirty towards her, didn’t take her attempts kindly. He stepped away from her touch, straightening out his worn jacket.
“Mrs. Gray, I must go to my patient at once. I am a very busy man and see many soldiers like him a day. My time is of precious value and not to be so easily wasted. If you do not show me to his rooms I will be forced to leave and reconsider his position as my patient” He spoke fast, a shrill tone edging his voice, the perfectly polished facade he had brought with himself showing the first crack. He appeared nervous to not have the family’s support, surely not used to be resisted that way. Charlotte prayed internally that Mrs. Gray would push just a little harder, that she would stand her ground for a bit more, enough to scare this opportunist into running and never looking back. 
But alas, Mrs. Gray relented, perhaps to spare herself of a round with her nephew when he found out she had blocked the way for his miracle doctor, or mayhaps because she too bore a miniscule sliver of hope that whatever they did to Thomas may work. 
She gave Charlotte a look, a brief one, no more than a second, but loaded with many conflicting feelings. Her lips quivered from the effort it took her to not say word, and she had to remind herself mentally of her position within that house; just a worker, placed there to look after the Master of the house, not to give opinions or interfere with his businesses. Feeling her heart tighten, Charlotte led the way towards Thomas’ chambers. When they reached the double doors she pushed them open, allowing them inside before stepping in. But she found her path blocked by the older assistant, who crossed her arm on the threshold to hold her back
“Doctor Keller works alone. If he needs help he will have us. Please wait outside” The harshness of her voice matched perfectly that of her face, her broad frame firmly forcing Charlotte out of the room. Incensed, and perhaps frightened, Charlotte stood her ground, her shoulder pushing against the human wall that was the other woman.
“I work here. I am his caretaker. You will not touch a hair of his head without me there” She spoke perhaps with more passion and strength than her station required, but she felt an overwhelming need to protect Thomas. She could not let, on her best judgement, allow this swindler to beguile Mr. Shelby and endanger his life on false promises.
Just when she readied to perhaps commit acts unbefitting of her against that woman, Mr. Shelby spoke up, his voice calm but firm.
“Charlotte. It’s okay. Just go downstairs”
The assistant stepped aside briefly, allowing Charlotte a peek inside. Thomas sat in his chair near the windows, an unlit cigarette perched between two fingers. Doctor Keller kneeled at his side, holding his free hand in his own in a reassuring grasp. The sunlights poured abundantly through the panes, golden beams framing them. 
“Charlotte. Please” He had never said please to her.
He nodded towards the doctor, and the man stood up, taking control of the wheelchair and leading Thomas away from the windows and from Charlotte’s view.
The last thing she thought she saw was a smile on Mr. Shelby’s face before the assistant slammed the door on her face.
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Time moved painstakingly slowly. Hour after hour slipped away, the sun steadily making its way across the skies. Warm orange bathed the rooms towards the back of the house, shadows lengthening as afternoon gave way to sunset. Charlotte sat in the main room, a luxury she rarely granted herself. Before she laid a teapot of black currant tea which had not been touched, and biscuits she refused to eat. She had chewed her thumb in anxiousness, leaving the imprints of her own teeth on the pads.
At least five times during her wait, Charlotte made her way towards Thomas’ bedroom but stopped halfway through, doubting in her feet before slowly making her way back down. She wanted to go up and see for herself what they were doing; every fibre of her being urged her to. But at the same time she feared what she would see or hear there. 
A half past six, the double doors closed with a dry thud, and heavy footsteps resonated in the stairwell. Charlotte scrambled from her seat, almost slipping on the fancy rug and knocking her hip against a side table as she rushed into the foyer. Somehow Mrs. Gray beat her to it, already standing at the foot of the stairs even though she hadn’t seen her around since the doctor’s arrival.
Doctor Keller marched down the stairs ceremoniously, his head held high, as if he had just rediscovered America. He had removed his jacket, and his yellowed shirt clung to his body with sweat. His assistants walked behind him, carrying his cases and a bag Charlotte swore they hadn’t brought with them. Their rubber aprons had been wiped clean, and for some reason, that didn’t sit right with Charlotte.
He addressed Mrs. Gray, once more his posture and actions disregarding Charlotte’s presence. The man took Mrs. Gray’s hands, and this time she didn’t push him back. His smile suggested reassurance and triumph.
“The procedure has gone well. Mr. Shelby is now upstairs in his bed, sleeping. He has been left exhausted and I suggest he is not disturbed until morning. I will return in a fortnight to repeat the treatment, and will continue to do so as many times as it is necessary, but I feel confident that progress will be seen before my return” 
Mrs. Gray’s eyebrows knit together in worry, and although she didn’t grant the doctor the reward of a smile, she had lost some of the apprehension she bore in the morning.
“Can you tell me what exactly is it that you have done to him? What sort of treatment is this?”
Doctor Keller chuckled heartily, shaking his head while he patted her hand “Now Mrs. Gray, those are gruesome details that delicacies like yourself should not have to endure” Charlotte buffed at the last part. Mrs. Gray could be described as anything but delicate. And the comment obviously didn’t sit well with the older woman either, for she immediately dropped the doctor’s hands and took a step back.
“Allow me to see you out, Doctor Keller” Even in now obvious annoyance, Mrs. Gray displayed an affability that Charlotte envied; a possession and control of the emotions that very few mastered. The small group headed outside while the valet brought the car around. But Charlotte did not follow, instead sprinting up the stairs towards Thomas’ bedroom.
She peered inside quietly, walking on tiptoes. Every window had been opened, the room smelling of damp soil and autumn leaves, but the earthy scent could not entirely mask the acrid smell of rubbing alcohol. The breeze had scattered papers from the desk all over the floor, and she hurried to pick them up, knowing how much disorganisation ticked Thomas off. As she placed them on the desk, she noticed they had left a kidney dish forgotten, alongside with a syringe filled with a milkish substance. The needle, the length of Charlotte’s hand, was coated in red.
Slowly, fearfully even, she turned towards the bed. She didn’t know what she expected to see, perhaps a gory scene with blood splattered on the walls and pooling on the floor, or a massacre akin to those seen in the field hospitals in France. Yet she only saw Thomas, laying on his side and submerged in a deep slumber, dressed only in his sleeping shirt and underwear.
She approached him slowly, her keen eye noticing the layer of sweat covering his skin, hair sticking to his temples and beads rolling down the curve of his neck. She dampened a cloth in the basin and wiped his forehead, feeling his skin feverish to the touch. The corners of his mouth had reddened marks, as if they had been rubbed raw against something coarse. Frowning in confusion, Charlotte leaned back, moving to examine the rest of his body. She found nail marks in his palms, in lines of bloodied crescent moon shapes. Just as she moved to grab the first aid kit to clean them, she picked up a small but significant detail.
The sheets had been changed
That morning, the bed had pure white sheets of plain linen without any embellishment, and these had simple blue embroidery on the edges, intertwined with Thomas’ initials as laundry marks. Charlotte could simply not understand why they would change the sheets amidst such secrecy instead of asking her or one of the maids to handle it, and neither could she find said sheets no matter where she looked. Clearly, whatever had been spilled on those linens, the doctor and his devils in tow wanted to be kept secret.
Worry crept up Charlotte’s spine and clawed at her throat. She didn’t want to disturb Thomas’ slumber, not after seeing him sleeping better than he had ever done before. Yet she could not ignore her instincts, not when they screamed at her so loud they drowned every other thought in her mind. 
So she sat by the bed and watched.
Waited and watched, while the sun gave way to the moon. A maid brought her food but she barely ate, feeling as if Thomas would burst into pieces or fade into mist if she took her eyes away from him for one second. Frances came near eleven, urging her to go to bed, but she only asked the older woman to take watch for a moment while she changed into her nightgown and robe. Even during the brief routine of closing the curtains and turning off lights she kept glancing towards him. But despite her best efforts she was only human, and the ever growing tension of the day had worn her out. She huddled in an armchair near the bed, a blanket around her legs and a small pillow supporting her neck. She had a book in her lap, but fatigue clouded her vision and foggied her thoughts. She swore she heard the grandfather clock chime 1 in the morning just before she fell asleep.
Charlotte woke up in a nightmare.
In the space between the land of dreams and the real world, guttural, horrific groans of pain seeped into her mind, making her hair stand on edge. Her heartbeat quickened and her feet chilled. She had to fight the drowsiness and exhaustion off her body and will her eyes to open. The room was illuminated only by moonlight coming from one curtain she had kept drawn back, casting phantasmagoric shadows on the walls. As her vision adjusted to the darkness and her senses sharpened, she sought the source of those sounds. Her first instinct was to go to the window, but she hadn’t moved a step when the grunts of pain returned, coming from very close to her. 
Thomas doubled over himself in the bed, fingers digging on the sheets and his jaw locked tightly around a corner of the pillow, poorly attempting to drown his pained cries. Charlotte rushed to turn on a lamp, and when warm light bathed him, she let out a scream of her own.
Crimson blossomed in the back of his nightshirt, the stains growing like flowers along the length of his spine. When she pushed his shirt up, she saw bandages entirely soaked in blood, the coppery scent filling her nostrils. The flesh around them had reddened and swelled. Thomas kept writhing, only worsening things as whatever they had done to his back kept tearing open and bleeding anew. 
His fingers dug into his own hair, pulling at the black strands in desperation as he muffled the screams by biting into his forearm. Somehow that grounded Charlotte, setting her back into the same steeliness that got her through the war. She rushed to the medicine cupboard and pulled out bottles, not even bothering to check the labels, for she knew what she looked for. The laudanum she kept at the very bottom, hidden behind all the taller bottles, had not been opened. She went to pour it in a spoon, but thought it better and instead poured it into a glass, estimating what dosage would put two adult men to sleep. With the amount of whiskey and other things Thomas consumed on the daily, she knew a spoonful would barely give him a tickle.
She climbed in bed next to him, trying to sit him up so he could drink. But Thomas seemed to be paralysed with pain, and even the tiniest of movements reignited the agony. Not a word passed his lips, only exclamations of pains mixed with heavy, slowly drawn gasps of air, for even the simple act of breathing had become a struggle.
“Thomas, Thomas, breathe. Breathe with me” She cooed soothingly, running her fingers through his hair in a gentle caress “I have your medicines. But you need to sit up a bit to drink” Her calm words fell on deaf ears, and she couldn’t blame him for not heeding her command. Charlotte wanted desperately to ease his suffering, but for that she had to move him, which would only worsen his pain. She hated she had to do it, but it was for his own sake.
“I am sorry about this” She murmured as she sat by his side, hooking her arms under his heavy body the best she could to pull him up. The scream he emitted was otherworldly, and she could only silence it by putting her hand in his mouth, letting him bite her flesh like a rabid dog. The pain shot up her arm but she ignored it, not moving until his jaw had unclenched. She had managed to prop him upright against her chest, with her own back resting against the headboard. His head laid limp against her bosom, and the still fresh blood stained her robe. But none of that mattered at the moment. 
Charlotte tried to get him to drink with the spoon but he refused to open his mouth. Sweat now poured profusely down his face and neck, giving his skin an unhealthy glistening. Even in the faint light she could see his complexion had paled, but at least it appeared the bleeding had stopped. Charlotte forced the spoon past his lips, but he only splattered on it, spilling the laudanum everywhere. When she tried again, he shook his head like a child refusing his porridge. She sighed in frustration, and also because his weight against her made it hard to breathe.
“Thomas, please. It will do you good. I promise it. You will feel better”
Again, nothing. Every muscle in his body was painfully tense, and she could see the vein in his forehead popping and the pulse beating strong and quick in the side of his neck. She placed a tender hand on the side of his face, her thumb running up and down the sharp length of his jaw to ease the tension. After a few minutes she noticed a slight improvement and how his lips parted open. Lottie seized that opportunity and brought up the spoon again. And this time, he sipped the medicine.
“That’s it. Take it slowly. This will make you feel better Tommy”
The pet name escaped her without thinking, and honestly, she didn’t give it a second thought. His aunt called him that so often that it had simply slipped into her vocabulary. 
Spoon by spoon, slowly and carefully, Thomas drank the laudanum. The medicine acted quickly, and soon the relaxation became visible in his body. His muscles loosened, his breathing calmed and his pulse returned to normal.
Minutes ticked by in peaceful calmness, a stark contrast to the abrupt awakening she had. A brief glance to the clock showed her a quarter to four. Still a long time to go before sunrise. And a lot to be done. The bed had been left a disaster, as had Thomas himself. She would not bother with the sheets but the bandages and his clothes needed changing. It took her some serious shifting and pulling to get out from under him, but at last Charlotte managed to lay him down, propped comfortably on some pillows. She laid him as comfortable as she could, since she doubted she would be able to move him again. 
The shirt was a goner, so she had no qualms in cutting it to shreds to slip it off his body. The bandages soon followed, alongside the thick folds of gauze which were now blood soaked. The sight underneath stole the breath from her lungs
A series of wounds traced the length of Thomas’ spine, from lower to mid back. Perfectly lined puncture wounds, in pairs, going up at regular intervals. Whatever needle had been used surely resembled more an icepick, for the holes seemed to have been drilled in his flesh. Charlotte could not even fathom what sort of procedure Tommy had been put through, but now her other findings made sense. The nail marks on his own hands from where he has fisted them so tight, and the abrasions on his mouth, surely a leather strip or a simile had been put in his mouth as a gag. Tears welled up in her eyes when she thought how he had willingly subjected himself to torture of the worst kind just for a crumb of hope.
She washed him clean as best as she could in that position, rinsing away the blood and sweat. She didn’t have any medicines at hand to apply to the wounds, so she only rebandaged them, making a mental note to ring a real doctor the next day for some real medicines. Since the sheets could not be changed nor could he be dressed again, Charlotte laid some clean towels around him and tucked him tight with the blankets. 
As she moved around him, she paid close attention to his face for the first time. Without that perennial scowl on his face he appeared much younger, even under all that messy hair and unkempt beard. His eyelashes were enviably long, casting shadows upon his high cheekbones even under the weak light of the bedside lamp. His nose had a straight slope, and his jaw a particular sharpness, noticeable despite the beard. He was objectively very handsome, a man girls would surely fawn over. 
Just as she readied to retake her watching post, Charlotte noticed again the nail marks on his palms, now swelling up and the skin purpling. She took his hand on her lap as she cleaned it gently, wrapping a simple bandage around them. Just as she moved to stand, his hand gripped tightly the fabric of her robe, stalling her moves. 
When she turned to face him, she realised Thomas had been awake this whole time. His eyes were open, and the ice had melted from them, giving way to a sharp shade of blue, vibrant even under the obvious exhaustion. His eyes fixed upon her, and they held each other’s gazes for a moment. Charlotte had stared into those eyes many times, and had read many hidden emotions behind the blueness, but that night she saw something new, something she never expected to see in him; vulnerability. Raw, deep, unsuppressed vulnerability. The first glimpse of the man behind the carefully crafted iron mask.
It felt almost wrong to be allowed to see the facade crack, like being made privy to a secret she felt unworthy of. At last, she lowered her eyes first, working on putting aside her medical supplies, just to keep her hands and her concentration busy.
“Sleep, Tommy” The words were hushed, her voice meant to be soothing, although he wouldn’t need much soothing with the dosage of laudanum she gave him “Rest will do you good” 
Charlotte moved to stand, but he moved to grip her wrist instead, his hold firm but not hurtful. She looked up to him again, confusion lacing her features.
“Stay”
The words were spoken through great effort, coming out raspy and strained, but perfectly clear. 
“I will not leave you. I will sit right by your bed” She reassured him, but he didn’t let go. In a sudden movement he pulled on her arm, throwing her off balance and tossing her rather unceremoniously on the bed, so that their bodies laid close together. She felt her heart rise to her throat, eyes wide and breaths quick at the sudden proximity. She wondered if the pain medicines had loosened Thomas’ inhibitions. Or perhaps he was just in desperate need of some of the human contact he often rejected.
For long minutes Tommy just stared at her wordlessly, not offering an explanation as to why he did that, nor letting go of her arm either. Heat rose to Charlotte’s cheeks, yet she could not look away from him either. The silence lingered until she chose to break the spell.
“Tommy?”
His fingers slid down from her wrist, lacing his hand with hers. His next words held a longing and rawness Charlotte didn’t believe possible in him.
“Don’t leave me alone. Not tonight"
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thesensteawitch · 9 months
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What 2023 taught you? {A Nostalgic Hit!} 🎯👀
Pick A Pile Reading
(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)
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Hey, Senstea Souls!
Welcome to another collective reading. Here you'll get a glimpse of the year 2023 and what it taught you. Also, a tip for 2024 is given at the end of each pile. I hope you find the reading helpful!🤍
Please DM me for personal reading.
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A Nostalgic Hit! + One Line Guidance For 2024
Pile 1
Tarot Cards- King of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune, 10 of Pentacles, Page of Wands, The World, 5 of Pentacles
Animal Spirit- Beaver
Well, pile 1 I see that this year has taught you to come out of the cyclical nature of your mind. This year taught you to be more focused and detail-oriented. It showed you intricate details especially when you were struggling. At the beginning of the year, you were okay with being in a box, in your own tiny space. But the scope for your growth became stagnant. You may have had anger outbursts. The dream you had somehow shattered because a new dream was emerging. You were coming out of your cocoon. Achieving goals became impossible to imagine. But you were divinely pushed to have hope and keep believing in the impossible even though it seemed delusional. And as the year started to approach its end you started to see some clarity. Without knowing you become the master at what you do. Something didn't work out the way you wanted it to but it worked out completely different from your imagination. Some of you may also have felt stuck in family dynamics and now I see healing in that area. You fought so many battles within a year. You broke more than one cycle this year. Wow! You were being prepared for the ultimate abundance that you deserve. Something in your DNA needed to be changed. Something significant happened during April, May, and August. No matter what you did you found yourself coming out of one circle to entering into another one. But now this cyclical process is over! You did it! You learned the importance of planning and understanding life as a whole. You learned the true value of actions and what's the best way to make long-term plans work. Some of you were looking for financial stability which impacted you emotionally. But now I see you are almost out of the lack phase and are entering into the phase of abundance.
One line tip for the next year:
Tarot Cards- 4 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups
Don't settle for breadcrumbs or stay in a relationship more than you should. (Strong Earth energy I can sense.) There's a soulmate out there waiting for you to come out of the relationship trauma.
Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)
3 Months- $10
6 Months- $20
9 Months- $30
12 Months- $40
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Pile 2
Tarot Cards- Temperance, The Hierophant, 7 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, 8 of Cups, The World
Animal Spirit- Owl
Hello, my dear pile 2. I see that 2023 taught the true meaning of give and take. It taught you how to balance. It taught you that you too deserve to receive love and effort. It taught you to walk away from anything that is not helping you grow or relationships that are keeping you stagnant. You learned the truth of selfless service. You can discern better when it comes to your emotional mind. Now you know what being at peace truly means. Something major might have happened around August. Perhaps, you found the courage to let go. You've freed yourself from always being in your head. You have learned so much that now you are capable of guiding others. You are finally gaining the light that shines within you. For some of you, I feel as though you have understood relationship and friendship dynamics pretty well there's still something lingering around that you need to deal with. There's something you still can't let go of or stop wishing for. There's a wish that you are attached to and you need to let go of the attachment. As soon as you become happy without the idea of having it you'll see it coming. This year brought you closer to spirituality but you still have a long way to go. I hear, “August slipped away like a bottle of wine 'cause you were never mine.” For some of you, I see that somewhere you still hope for someone to change. Perhaps, somewhere deep down you are pretending that you are over someone but you truly aren't. This year taught you a lot in terms of relationships and I hope you carry forward the lessons into the next year as well.
One line tip for the next year:
Tarot Card- Death
A spiritual transformation is coming your way. You may need to let go of something that might hurt you but it will be needed.
Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)
3 Months- $10
6 Months- $20
9 Months- $30
12 Months- $40
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Pile 3
Tarot Cards- Queen of Pentacles, 8 of Swords, 6 of Swords, 5 of Cups, The World, King of Pentacles
Animal Spirit- Hyena
So my dear pile 3 I sense some conflict between your divine counterparts (Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine). Some of you may be questioning your identity. You thought you were over something but then suddenly this year made you realize that there's more to this world and there's more to you. It was uncomfortable for you to accept yourself. For you, there was no way out of this misery. The problem is that you let the situations define you, and others' opinions define you. You didn't move based on your choice but you moved or made a decision based on what others perceive of you so that you still can be loved. You were or still are trying to prove something to the world. I hear, “You make me glow but I cover up won't let it show.” I am sorry to say but I see that there's a huge lack of self-love here. And you are still making peace with yourself. You are still learning to accept yourself. But the good news is that this tough cycle is about to end as the Capricorn season ends in January. Slowly but steadily you'll be out of this mess. You will find the courage to take the action. You need to. And you must. This year taught you what it looks like to see and feel the truth. It might have been uncomfortable but was necessary for your growth. You've suffered on the soul level and it's time that you take the right action and not what the world deems right.
One line tip for the next year:
Tarot Card- The Star
Deep down you wish to love yourself and that wish is coming true. Stay true to yourself.
Get your 2024 blueprint and be extra prepared for what's coming. (With Remedies/Recommendations)
3 Months- $10
6 Months- $20
9 Months- $30
12 Months- $40
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n3xii · 2 years
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Upcoming energies coming towards you in the next few days
Choose a pile to get insight on what energies, challenges and helping factors are gonna come into play into your life in the next few days or so. I haven't done a pick a card in a while because I've felt a bit deppressed but here's one today! Thank you for reading, tip at sarahx2x on cashapp if you feel compelled to! And I have readings in my pinned post if you're intrested in a personal reading
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Pile one
Upcoming energies - you might feel depleted and lacking hope in the upcoming days so it's important to preserve your sense of faith. Now is a time to maintain the structure already set in your life, making huge changes within the next few days or weeks may overwhelm you. I feel like you guys could be on the verge of a breakdown, perhaps you just had a bunch of destabilizing things happen or shocking news come towards you. You could have already been in an period of instablity for a while now anyways, im seeing this is recent past energy you're trying to recover from. Your guides are advising you to take it slow and focus on maintaing the energy you have, focus your energy on things that give you hope. Changing things up and draining yourself is gonna add to the feeling of instability. Focus your time towards things that you enjoy and rejuvenate you so that you can recover from a period of instability. The upcoming days are just about recovery and resting when you can. I'm seeing family conflict, for others its financial changes to your money or job that have caused instablity (i feel like most of this has already happened, the next few days is just about recovering and adjusting), if you can don't get caught up in family conflict happening, this may be conflict happening within the extended family for some of you. You don't need to worry about you next step and the next thing youre gonna do, focus on the present and what you can control and not what it out of your hands.
Challenges-
Wanting to rebel and make changes and innovate too quickly! You need time to recover and let yourself process what's going on, you need time to pull in all your energy. Like I said, you don't always need to look into the future and plan ahead. Be in the moment, now is not time for innovation. Let yourself recover and gather rest back, then you can set goals and take action.
What's helping you-
Relationships, whether it be familial, platonic or romantic doesn't matter. Dont take close relationships for granted in this time, being paired up with someone and feeling supported will be very helpful in the next few days. If there's someone you miss alot, extend yourself to them and they may be of mutual support of you as well.
Pile two
You guys may be going down a path you didn't anticipate within the next few days, I feel like you've been evaluating a siruation your life and your progress and things may not be working at thr speed you want them to. I'm seeing you guys disrupt the current structure of the situation and making a descion you didnt anticipate making. If theres been a stale mate with someone or a stalemate in descion making, thats changing. I think this is something you don't see coming. You've been so caught up in your mind that you won't even believe that youre going down a completely unexpected path. But this is good! You're innovating things to compensate for the lack of progress or speed happening with what you're trying to nourish in your life. I'm feeling this is likely a romantic situation I'm picking up on, perhaps wanting to reconcile, make up, move on, or improve thing with someone, maybe even reaching out to a crush. (Regardless of what you're doing it will be different for everyone, but yes this feels like a romantic situation for the majority of this pile) But take this as it resonates
To be honest I think you guys have been stuck because of indescion and a fear of making a descion. You know you want more out of this situation but you were afraid to be certain in your own choices. I think you're gonna be disrupting that and doing something you never thought you would be doing. You're breaking the stalemate.
Challenges-
Reclaiming your power and believing in yourself is the challenge here. You've probably experienced pain and disappointment in the recent past, but generally this is you needing to claim your own power back out of fear and uncertainty. You're being given a second chance, a new chance and revival. It's time to reclaim this power and be new again. You have more power to create movement in this situation you just have to make the first move.
What's helping you-
Being cautious and stealthy is what's helping you. You've had it rough lately it seems, you've had to lay low and just focus on the simplest things to keep going. Your guides are saying this is the right thing, it's not time to be extravagant in your activities, keeping it simple and doing what you can to stay afloat is helping you keep going even thought it feels hard to.
Pile three-
I feel like in the next few days you may become so overwhelmed that you loose clarity completely. I'm seeing conflict, there's so incompatible goals and ambitions around you that's causing some clashing and it's making it hard to maintain clairty on what you are doing. There's alot of loudness and information coming at you but you just need quietness to figure out shit in your own mind without the voices if others overlapping your own inner voice. This is a concern of balance. The conflict is happening because someone doesn't know how to pull back and let other people be heard, there's an energy of someone not integrating another person's differences or needs. You may be in a situation where you feel overwhelmed because someone isn't willing to cooperate to what your needs are accessibility wise, for others its goals regarding health and career.
Challenges-
I'm seeing stubbornness, someone acting like they're always right and not willing to compromise. I think there's not enough funds to do what you and others want to do and that's why there's hostility surrounding different ideas and plans right now. The main challenge is stubbornness but it doesn't feel like it's coming from you. If the financial thing doesn't resonate this pile may not be for you, the cards are making it very clear this is a fund, loan, financial aid or saved money type of conflict. Someone wants to innovate something and the other doesn't, perhaps they want to save money and invest it somewhere else? that's the energy I'm seeing here.
What's helping you-
There's alot of delays here and I'm seeing you step up being fed up with the blocked energy. You're gonna be pushing forwards even if it comes off as forceful which is funny that this is the right thing youre doing. Sometimes tarot readers push the "dont force things to happen" alot because it sounds like the nost spiritual thing to say but the tarot itself is comprised of cards that is actually balanced out with both passive and forceful messages. Sometimes when there's situations where there's no movement that forceful energy may be required, and this is required because you sitting back and letting others walk over you will set a standard of how they will trest you in the future. If you embrace your power and apply yourself you wont be stopped. Don't let this energy go to waste, don't set back and be passive. Don't let insecurity make you hold back, it's ok if someone thinks you're bitch or if you're getting some unwanted attention by taking action. It's time to live. It's your life and sometimes there's things that we want that others don't and we have to hold our ground.
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woodsfae · 5 months
Text
B5 s03e21 Shadow Dancing previous episode - table of contents
I see the next episode is called z'ha'dum (dang I have been mis-spelling that a dozen different ways) so the "z-minus" must be referring to that. This coming at the end of season 3 also affirms for me that Sheridan must survive z'ha'dum despite the prophecy of death. Some heart-stopped-but-he-survived pedantry. I still think Dr Franklin is going to be pivotal. But that's next episode! 
Delenn is speaking before the League of Aligned Worlds or whatever their acronym is. She and Lennier are wearing somber brown and green-grey, as opposed to their usual jewel-tones. Are they trying to dress down to fit in with the lower species? LOL. 
Delenn is asking for more ships than the individual worlds feel they can risk, and is promising that the Minbari are commiting considerable forces as well. 
The Shadows have been driving refugees into sector 83 for months, and Sheridan thinks an attack on the corralled population is imminent. 
It's funny, I used to think Marcus looked annoying but now I'm always so happy to see him. He seems to have recovered from Neroon beating his face in. 
THE PLAN: Ivanova and Marcus are going to sector 83, going completely dark, and are waiting for the Shadows to turn up. Then they're getting out ASAP without engaging them, at any cost. Presumably to summon the rest of the waiting forces that Delenn has just negotiated to be waiting. 
The League is acquiescing to Delenn's request and lending the alliance all their spare ships and then some. Ivanova is in command of the White Star with Marcus as her leal interpreter and they're off! I'm not sure if I think this is going to work, or if it's going to be a miscalculation and they're going to be in a really bad position coming into the season finale. 
"Sometimes people walk away because they want to be alone. Sometimes people walk away because they want to see if you'll folllow them into hell."
Uncharacteristically insightful for Garibaldi, but also, don't play those games. You can't walk yourself into hell on the slim chance that the person you're chasing is hoping to be caught. 
Guest Star Barbara is not making a good impression on me, but we are also shown that Stephen Franklin is looking a little less rough than in his last appearance. 
Z MINUS SIX DAYS
I'm absolutely positive that's counting down to Z'ha'dum now. 
Minbari beds are...not ideal. And it would be pretty strange to wake up to another person at a 45 degree angle staring you (or not) straight in the face. 
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met," says Marcus, then claims it's just a greeting. 
"It meants...my words are inadequate to the burden of my heart."
"That's an unusual greeting."
"They're an unusual people."
Fingers crossed that Susan will remember the pronounciation and repeat it to some unsuspecting Minbari man. 
Fingers also crossed that Susan never ever dates Marcus.
LOL the Minbari beds' feet tip up enough to be almost flat. And then some. asdfkljahf. So you can angle towards either bulkhead based on preference? hah.
Minbari continue to be hilariouly bizarre. Delenn shares a Minbari custom that, when a couple has been flirting as long as they have been, they spend three nights together while the man sleeps and the woman observes his sleeping face. If she likes it, cool. If not, they're finished. 
Stephen Franklin just tried to intervene in a mugging and got a gut-stab for his trouble. Perhaps this will be how he finally meets himself. 
Rough stuff. He's dragging himself along in bloody handprints to try to find help. 
I guess I'd say I've met myself through injuries, but the end result has been me fixing myself up the vast majority of the time, and I'm not even a doctor. Though granted, the injuries have never been a gut stab.
Susan has finally got comfortable, by stealing all the pillows from the beds to make a pallet, and immediately gets an urgent page to the bridge. That tracks!!
The White Star has picked up a signature that's probably-definitely a Shadow ship, and they've come out of the moon-shadow they've been hidden in at the same time. badadadadada tension! 
In the splotchlights Delenn brought Sheridan to keep track of the battles, it looks like Sheridan's going extremely grey. Stress grey. 
Dr Franklin is chillin in a pool of his own blood, chatting with a hallucination of himself. Finally! Space AA can come to a conclusion and Stephen's final form can appear. 
I like how the Shadows' ships move in space. It's quite unlike anything else I've seen. 
Ivanova is returning fire on the Shadows ship, despite the direct orders to escape and not engage for any reason. 
And a whole fleet of Shadows ships are coming into view! Dozens, perhaps even a hundred or more. 
"Well, who wants to live forever?" Ivanova says, and they send the signal to the rest of the fleet. I continue to like her more and more. 
Hmmm. Hallucination!Stephen is a lot harder on Stepehn than I think is fair. This is a really harsh internal dialogue. And uncomfortably relatable? But this kind of negative self-talk can be really improved by finding a good therapist. 
Ahh, so the Grey Council's dramatic spot-lighting has a practical effect! It's also a holographic war-room. Sheridan directs the Minbari telepaths to jam the Shadows' capital ships, and deploys the waiting fleet. They got the message! The White Star's backup is on the way. 
"Don't you go passing out on me - that's just another kind of running away."
I BARKED with laughter at that line. Internal!Stephen is a dick. 
Hmm in the war room lighting, Delenn also looks like she's going grey, so I'm not sure if it's a stress-grey thing or a lighting thing. 
The battle continues. The CGI has noticably improved from s01 and s02. 
The Minbari beds make more sense when they're full of telepaths at work than full of humans failing to fall asleep. 
It appears that the League fleet has driven off the Shadows, but the music and Delenn and Sheridan's mien is somber. Injured personel from the fleet are coming in at the same time as Franklin is getting medical attention. 
"We did ok. Not great, but ok," Sheridan says. Frame it as a victory!! As Ivanova points out, it's the first time they pulled together the League. And they drove them off!! 
Z MINUS 4 DAYS
Garibaldi watches Franklin sleep. I ought to write the fic I have floating around in my head where they get together and only inflict their emotional idiocy on each other.
Garibaldi: "Don't ever do this to me again."
Well that isn't a deterrent. to me.
Delenn is out of the brown-and-green and back into her jewel tones. 
Ivanova thinks the Shadows have been deliberately leaving Babylon 5 alone and hearing this, Sheridan has a flashback to his vision of Ivanova, with a raven on her shoulder, asking "Do you know who I am?" 
Working out the vision - Susan is a latent telepath and said (irl) she doesn't know who she is sometimes. Sheridan also saw himself in a PsiCorps uniform, and Ivanova again in all-black with a veil saying "yuou are the hand." I remember this, but it's handy that they're recapping this because I didn't remember the exact specifics. But they haven't figured out what they think it means. But they better hurry up because a Shadow vessel is in hyperspace going places to do things!
Franklin is the CMO again. Apparently. Unofficial up to the point that Sheridan walked in and offered it to him again. 
Stephen's personal revelations are good - it's important to know yourself. And I like that he's realized he's always defined himsef by what he isn't, and how that didn't serve him well. Psychologically speaking.
hmmm cute. Sheridan's sleeping, and Delenn's watching him with a little smile. And danger is afoot on b5, going by the ominous music and shots of various humans and aliens. Zack Allen wakes up Ivanova to tell her someone's coming on board.
SHERIDAN'S WIFE. fuck yeah
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But now I have a new question, considering the multiple shots of a shadow shuttle flying around: is she herself, or is she a puppet of the Shadows? 
Z MINUS 2 DAYS
*definitely not making high pitched noises right now*
Who in the fuck gave Anna the codes to Sheridan's quarters? Like. She's been declared dead and everything. I blame Zack.
z'ha'dum alert
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jupiterjames · 8 months
Text
My medical self-advocacy post is making the rounds again, and lots of people have been asking for tips and tricks, most ESPECIALLY on how to advocate in a normal doctor's office.
That's an excellent question because your doctors can take on a lot of beauracratic and/or insurance issues for you. *Should they happen to like you as a patient enough to do so.* Yes, it is a popularity contest and you can win.
So here is my (sage) advice.
No matter where you are on this blue marble or what doctor you're seeing, a majority of your care will most likely be seen to by nurses. They will probably be both the first and last person you deal with. And THEY can be some of your best resources and advocates and medical office gossips. They are worth more than gold.
Tip #1: If possible, try NEVER to be the first or last patient of the day (if you're in the hospital, this isn't as relevant except to say try not to go at the end of a shift). We're all human. We're all tired. And medical personnel are even more so. If you go before the coffee has fully hit, or when they are packing up to go home, you are inevitably going to be left in a situation where no one has a full HP bar. Try for midmorning appointments if your situation in life and health permits. Again, with hospitals, it's different. Do not endanger your health further, but if you can wait for a shift change, go at the beginning of one.
Tip #2: Remember how I said nurses are gold? If you are pleasant to them, they will go the extra mile for you, because they are tired as hell of assholes, literally and figuratively. And they can make the process much easier all the way down to getting the doctor to actually listen to you. How does one accomplish wooing the ACTUAL important person in the office? It's actually quite easy. The following has worked for me 100% of the time.
When you encounter the nurse, be it them collecting you from the waiting room, or stepping in to take your vitals and notes for the reason for your visit, often they will say something along the lines of "hi, how are you?" Or even just, "my name is Awesome Person and I'm Doctor Tough Nut's nurse/assistant/underpaid servant."
Even if they say nothing at all besides a simple "hello," you greet them in your most pleasantly business tone with the following statement (please memorize and practice until it feels natural)
"Hi! My name is (name). I hope your day is going, to quote international Korean pop star group BTS, 'smooth like butter.'"
100% whether they know what the fuck you're referencing or not, they will be endeared to you. Perhaps they will even smile. And then, my friends, you will have the most valuable bedside person in the medical field on your team to help you.
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ask-harvey · 1 year
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good evening, Harvs :] i've found myself unable to sleep and feeling quite melancholic more nights than i can count recently! i was just curious if my favorite doctor might have some tips on how to calm down your brain. mine has a tendency to fight off sleep using my biggest worries, effectively reducing me to a bundle of stress and anxiety. what would you recommend? whale noises? plane noises? pickle noises, perhaps?
it sounds like you're having a tough time... i want to remind you that i'm here to listen to anything you may be going through.
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a comfortable and quiet sleeping environment can help ensure a good night's rest. consider adjusting to a cooler room temperature with the help of a fan, or using lavender or chamomile oils to promote a relaxing atmosphere. white/brown noise, soft nature sounds, and gentle music can also work to take your mind off of stressors... remember to take some deep breaths to calm your mind. another major thing that is often forgotten is to relax any tense muscles— particularly in the neck, shoulders, and chest.
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please try not to let anxious thoughts disrupt your rest. if you're still experiencing difficulties, don't hesitate to discuss it with your doctor. i hope you find relief soon, anon.
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writingrenna · 1 year
Text
Jacq x GN!Reader
"Learn to Love (Pt. 4)"
Continuity: Part 3.5 is here, finale Pt. 1 of this particular story, and some lore from "May I Have A Word With You?" remains, setup for (???)
_\V/_
Sitting quietly in the back of the classroom as he tutors a duo of younger students, you stare at some algae samples under a microscope. You don't know exactly what you're looking for, but maybe there's something about their structure that is perhaps related to how grass-types evolved. Maybe.
Pulling up images of both ancient bacteria and algae, you try to find a connection between the two, but you just... aren't well versed in the microscopic side of Pokémon evolution. Still, you're here to learn. You know for sure that with his guidance, you'll become an expert on grass-type biology. But for now, your endless curiosity and fascination in all-things paleo would have to guide you for now.
You keep switching between the multiple petri dishes, hoping that at one point, everything will just... click. But it doesn't. You'll definitely need some courses that'll help you put the pieces together. You aren't exactly sure how to test your theories out in a way that won't get you laughed out of the room at a convention or something, but that's part of why you take this class.
You get rather sucked up in your work, feeling mesmerized by the funky little patterns and microorganisms swimming about. You kinda want to bring Cap out so he can see as well, but you also aren't sure if that'd be a distraction to the two kids, so you don't.
Well, that's what you thought, anyway.
"Hehe, I'd be careful if I were you. You might get eyestrain."
You clutch the microscope a little tighter before looking up. Your neck is craned at a slightly awkward angle before you remember you can sit up now, so you do, staring at Jacq. You peek around him to see that the kids are gone.
"Oh! Hey, tutoring done?"
A part of you was hoping he'd say yes so he could join you, but you also knew students would occasionally leave for a moment. Plus, again, he is your TEACHER-
"Yep! I'm done for now. More people might come by, but nobody else scheduled ahead of time."
You let out a breath, unconsciously, before looking down at the samples. You want to spend time with him of course, but you're also legitimately interested in looking at these samples some more, even if you aren't sure how to uncover their secrets. Leaning in to look at them through the microscope itself again, you speak up.
"I... do not know what I'm looking for." You say out of the blue, laughing a little to yourself as you remember how often you've just been... lost during your time here.
"Oh yeah? Why?"
You shrug, awkward as it is at this angle.
"I dunno, I've been trying to see if I could notice something about these structures, but..."
You sit up and turn your body towards him. You wouldn't get much done at this rate, but it was nice being able to use a microscope again.
"...eh, guess that's what staying enrolled is for."
He smiles.
"Yeah! You'll learn a lot here."
You smirk, before that smirks falls as you stare out into space. He takes notice of this, smile also fading just the tiniest bit.
"You all right?" he asks.
"Heh, yeah, sorry, just..." you turn away. "...got a lot on my mind."
He nods, humming in response.
"I see. Well, you can talk about it, if you like."
And that's exactly the problem. Why is he so accommodating to you specifically? He helps everyone he can, sure, but something felt personal here, for some reason. Isn't he too busy to invest so much time into one specific student...?
"Eh, it's nothing major, I'm just being weird..." you say as you jam the tips of your pointer fingers together, avoiding his gaze despite still being turned towards him. He nods, slowly, hesitantly in response, before finally replying.
"That's... okay. Everyone's a bit weird. I'm really weird, actually. Besides! Your feelings matter."
Hah. You turn away, too embarrassed to even see his eyes on you despite still sensing them.
"...I dunno, I guess I kinda wanna thank you... for being so supportive. Even though I'm kind of a mess and clueless and also kinda the worst student and-"
"-what? Slow down, huh??"
You feel a hand on your shoulder, a feeling that sends a jolt through your stomach.
"S-sorry, I said that wrong," you concede before closing your eyes, trying to think of what you were actually trying to say. He's quite patient, grip loosening as he awaits your true response.
"Okay, um... what I meant to say was, you didn't have to invest in me as much as you do, but you did, and I'm thankful for that? And I guess you still being excited that I want to stay made me think about that?"
He's... confused still.
"What do you mean 'still excited that you want to stay'? Why wouldn't I be?"
You can just barely make out his small, reassuring smile. Blech. You refuse to tell him the full extent of what you're feeling.
"I dunno, I'm just a random student, I guess. A student that had to be told what's up for the most basic things, and uh... I feel bad, taking up so much of your time."
"Hm." He looks down for a moment before looking back up at you. You can sorta tell he did this, anyway. You couldn't take your full attention off him, after all.
"You know, you..." He looks away, rubbing the back of his neck as if he wasn't sure how to say this. "...you seem very unsure of yourself..."
Huh.
"What do you mean?"
He shrugs, still not looking at you head-on, but his eyes drift towards you again. You can feel it yet again, thanks to the fact that your hyper-awareness helps you (rather accurately) sense what the people around you are doing, an ability you both loved and loathed.
"Eh, I don't know. But what I DO know is that you're better company than you think you are."
Oh. Your stomach does a weird thing at that comment, heat rising to your face as you flinch just the tiniest bit. You're honestly somewhat lost for words... but you still try finding some. Turning to him, you reply.
"Why?"
Nice one.
He chuckles a little, avoiding your gaze again.
"I don't know, you're just nice to be around."
"How come?"
'You've always been quite the wordsmith,' you think to yourself as you awkwardly prolong this conversation. Instead of being put-off by your insistence on elaboration, however, his eyes widen a little, staring out as if he were seriously thinking over his answer.
"...well, you have a lot of positive qualities," he begins, still not looking at you. Your heart skips a beat when you notice the light blush on his face. What is he going to say...?
"...that, and you sure did make an entrance. It's hard not to think about someone when they come in your room screaming your name, hehe. I guess me noticing more things about you came naturally."
'Oh yeah, I did do that...' you think to yourself, laughing a little under your breath as you finally loosen up. He continues, which you don't expect, but you force yourself to keep facing him (even if your eyes drift somewhere else. It's a start.)
"And so I noticed how determined, and kind you are. How you turned yourself around when you realized you were hard on Cap. How you took Mimi in and treated her like family without hesitation. How you try so hard for the both of them in everything you do..."
He really is going at it, a soft smile on his face, as if reminiscing about times long-gone.
"...and, your unflinching dedication to those you care about, no matter how frustrating they may be, that's very admirable."
He puts his elbow on the desk, resting his head in his hand, still not looking at you. Actually, he closes his eyes. You catch yourself almost doing the same, but you stop before you do.
"...oh yeah...?"
He lets out a small 'hm'.
"...yeah.... I think..."
You start trembling, just a little. You want to put an end to your fantastical thinking. 'Stop it, he's your teacher. Besides, would you WANT him to incriminate himself...?'
"...I think you really caught my eye when I heard how you say my name."
Oh? Oh.
...oh? That threw you for a loop. Does he mean that in the [insert cursed thoughts here] sorta way, or...?
The normal way, of course.
"The way I say your name? What do you mean?"
He laughs under his breath.
"You say my name correctly, with a little bit of a Kalosian accent. You'd be surprised how often it's said wrong," he starts, lightheartedly musing a little. "I've heard Jack, I've heard Jock- heck, I even heard an investor call me 'Jake', if you can believe that..." He finally turns to you, smiling wide, eyes crinkling with genuine amusement.
You smile in return, holding back a small laugh.
"Oh really?"
"Yep! I had no idea he was talking about me. The Director got my attention and apologized on my behalf, but he later took me aside and said he understood why I didn't assume it was me. He seemed to start saying my name a little more often around that guy... probably so he could correct himself without being called out..."
You can imagine a younger Jacq all dressed up for some event looking absolutely bewildered by the situation. You catch yourself laughing in real life, however, so you force yourself to stop.
"Sorry."
He shakes his head.
"No, no, it's okay to laugh. I find it funny, too! It was a liiittle mortifying in the moment, though." He did a little gesture with his fingers to signify the amount of terror he felt, which was WAY less than you would've felt in his shoes... sandals... whatever he had on in that moment, to be fair.
The mood is back to being jovial. He really helped the vibe go back to being tolerable despite your 'maybe obvious oh my gods what if he knows' crush on him, which you were thankful for. He just had a very easy-going aura to him, which only made him more endearing.
For now, maybe even forever, you'd have to keep your feelings under wraps. It's Ok, though. You like your dynamic, and you like him how he is. If this is all you get out of your relationship with him, you'd still be happy.
That... that's cheesy, hah.
"Blehhh..." you absent-mindedly think to yourself, sticking your tongue out. He blinks at you.
"Bleh?"
You jump a bit, not realizing you made the noise in real life.
"Hah! Yeah, just bein' weird 'ol me..."
He nods, lips pursed a little, mild confusion evident on his face. He really was adorable, without even trying.
"But, um- yeah! I can imagine. Sorry it happens so often, though..."
He tilts his head with a smile, closing his eyes again before turning away in deep thought, elbows back on the desk.
"It's fine, you get used to it with a name like mine. But in the same vein, you also tend to notice when someone says it right." He sends a little side glance your way, a look that makes you melt.
'I just felt okay with not pursuing things, brain!'
You nod absent-mindedly, wishing you could sink into your chair, but you're on a stool. You grab the seat as if anchoring yourself, however.
"But- yeah! I noticed you saying my name right, and your sense of humor caught me off-guard. Then, after a while, I got to know your plight, as well as you personally, so I- got..."
It seems like he's trying to find the right words, although he also looks panicked. Just a little, though. Hm.
"...I got invested in your journey. It's been nice, following along. You've come so far already!"
Yeah, you have, haven't you? From not even knowing Pokémon won't listen if they're too strong to figuring out Mimi loves bitter snacks the best. You've come quite a long way, and you'd love to go further! Your Pokémon were individuals, with their own little personalities. The future is yours, and you want to take this team as far as you can go.
Ok, calm down...
"Heh, yeah, you're right. I'm really happy Cap and I get along now, I can't imagine not having him around..."
You feel like being corny, so you turn away to speak.
"...just like I can't imagine getting this far without your help-"
You glance at him. He's still facing away from you, but he's smiling, your compliment painting his face a nice shade of red. Hah, he's so cute, you kinda wanna vomit. But you don't, of course. You just enjoy the moment for a while before going back to staring into the microscope, pretending to act all casual.
"Hmm..."
You stay glued to the eyepiece for a moment before sitting up and sliding it over to him.
"What do you think about these samples, Jacq?"
_\V/_
The two of you are sitting outside as your Pokémon run around. Watching Cap and Mimi playfully chase and leap over each other is making you think about life a lot more than you probably should, but it also reminds you of something. Turning to Jacq, you ask him a question.
"You know how people often have a Pokémon or two that they ride around?"
He nods, not looking up from his notebook.
"Yep, there are plenty of solid options here in Paldea, too. Why? Thinking of getting one?"
"Uh-huh! I have an idea for one I'd want, actually."
"And what would that be?"
"Klawf!"
He pauses, eyebrows furrowing a little before finally sitting up from his hunched-over position. He stares at you, perplexed.
"Really, a Klawf?"
You're (mostly) undeterred.
"Yeah! I think it'd be pretty fun, I've seen some really big ones in the desert near Mesagoza, sooo, I wouldn't need to go very far."
He seems kind of unsure. Well, very unsure.
"Are you sure Klawf is the best option? They can be pretty brash, it might be hard to train one..."
You nod.
"Oh yeah, it'd be fun, like a nice challenge."
He lets out a small hum. He knows you're pretty good at the "persistent trainer" thing, but... he doesn't want you to get hurt.
"Well, uh... I can't stop you, but please, don't do it alone."
You nod, although you aren't quite sure what he means. Find a trainer who teaches ride Pokémon, get advice along the way, teach it with someone else watching nearby? That's a hurdle you'll cross later, you still want to see if you and Cap are on the same page first.
...
"...trauma is weird, right?"
His face flashes with an expression you can't quite recognize on the spot. It's something broody and full of worry, as if thinking about something specific, before finally replying.
"Yes, very."
Your mind wanders to your therapy sessions. He was serious when he suggested you go, as he had actually gone out of his way to arrange for the academy's counselor to reach out to you sometime, with permission of course. And so, you went every Sunday for about an hour. Not gonna lie, it was a bit boring and tense, especially at first, but after you got to the main reason why you signed up, she seemed particularly worried about one part.
She said you downplay your trauma for Cap's sake. Which is weird, you aren't super bothered by what happened yet, you think. You feel absolutely terrible when you remember how scared Cap was, and you occasionally wonder if you really got him back or if you just imagined it, but that was more your imagination running wild, right?
...right...?
...
"Why is the brain so weird?"
Jacq shrugs out the corner of your eye. You didn't even realize you started pacing until then, so you turn to the man.
"I'm not sure, I wish I knew. Sometimes it just... does things."
Which is true! You've always had mild anxiety, often feeling on-edge with no provocation and in the oddest situations. Not to mention feeling pretty timid in social situations in general. It's a miracle you were so driven to understand Cap that you could actually talk to Jacq in the first place.
You turn to the man.
"I... like, I don't know. What if I'm... okay-ish?"
He raises an eyebrow.
"Okay-ish?"
You nod, hands on your hips.
"Yup! Okay-ish. Like fine, for the most part. Functional even," you cross your arms and look away. "I don't know if I'm like, traumatized-traumatized. I feel like me with a little more weirdness than usual, that's all."
"Well, people deal with trauma in different ways. It is a bit early, though. Just be sure not to ignore it if something is roused up, okay?"
You nod, letting out an affirmative little hum.
"I won't..." You look down. "It feels weird. I dunno, I feel like I'm not sad enough? Or I don't think about it enough, maybe?"
He walks up to you.
"Hey, you don't have to meet some threshold for whatever you feel to be valid, you know..."
You know he's right, you just feel bad for... some reason.
"Yeah, I know..."
You're silent for a moment before letting out a long, drawn out sigh, tilting your head back and closing your eyes.
"Feelings are so complicated!"
He lets out a laugh.
"Hah! Tell me about it."
You smile a little bit. Talking to Jacq really did make you feel better...
The fuzzy feelings inside suddenly flush out of your system when you hear a weird noise. You both turn to see Cap is currently gagging, Mimi standing next to him with one paw on his back and the other on her cheek, slowly rubbing a circle into it as if resisting the urge to send off an electric shock. She looks up at you, but he hacks up a strange orangey-red substance before you can help him. He stares at it for a few seconds before walking away like it's nothing.
You turn to Jacq, panic evident on your face, but he looks oddly unconcerned, even pulling his notebook out and writing something down instead of directly addressing it.
Huh. That's... certainly a response.
"Is he... okay?"
He nods.
"Yeah, he..."
He looks up.
"That just means he had to get rid of an excessive amount of spicy chemicals he was storing up. If anything, he probably feels better now."
Interesting. There was so much about this kid you didn't know of yet, and you're glad you're getting a chance to learn more about him.
_\V/_
[How's fieldwork going?]>
The notification comes in pretty fast.
<[Good! Very productive. How's your club been?]
You were about to answer when the guy who usually sits on the couch interrupts your thoughts.
"Woooah, you do that?"
You jump a litte before calming yourself down. Glancing down at the Arcanine you were finishing up on your phone, you respond.
"Oh, yeah! I, uh, doodle some... times..."
The last few words were barely audible over the sounds of the movie the group was watching together. He still hears you loud and clear, however.
"Oh, nice. That looks really good!"
You nervously chuckle.
"I- I dunno, I didn't really do a sketch first, just some blocking in and trying my best, heh..."
Something about the drawing was slightly off to you, but it was your first time drawing the dog in a good long while, so it was... acceptable. He doesn't seem to think the same, however.
"I think it's cool. Nice work!"
He gives you a thumbs up before turning back to the movie. Looking back on the conversation, nothing about him or his responses screamed "DO NOT ENGAGE" to you, so you felt kinda bad being so distant and dismissive. If you ever talked again, you'd be a bit more open.
Pulling up your conversation with Jacq, you respond.
[Good as well, watching a movie. I talked to another human, too]>
<[Oooh, progress. I'm happy for you 😊/gen]
You smile. You aren't sure what to say, but it was Jacq, so you wanted to continue the conversation.
[Thanks! Still terrifying, but I'm trying not to back away from interacting with people]>
You had hoped that wasn't too weird of a reveal. You came to the academy to cheat the system and get Jacq's help, but he ended up being personally invested in your growth, which includes your mental health, apparently. It was nice, having someone here that's looking out for you.
<[That's great! And if you ever need to take some time to yourself, don't be afraid to do so.]
You stare at the message, rereading it a few times over before holding your phone close to your heart, making a weird little chuckling noise without actually opening your mouth. This guy...
Mimi silently squeals in delight as Cap giggles a little. You shoot them a glare before reluctantly smiling. They see how happy Jacq makes you. You really can't hide much from them, but especially not that.
_\V/_
The next morning, you did something bold.
"WHAAAAAAAAA?"
He looked genuinely surprised as his eyes flitted over the drawing you held out to him on your phone, even readjusting those darn glasses of his. You couldn't look at him, because the little mistakes you noticed had been eating away at you, and showing a Pokémon biologist an inaccurate drawing of one of his own 'mons was... not what you wanted to do that day to be honest. But you really wanted to take the few minutes your heart allowed you to put on a brave face to just show him and get it over with.
"I-it's not the be-"
"Can I hold it?"
You look up.
"Hold my... phone?"
"Yeah!"
You nod, letting him hold it. He looks over the drawing some more, an uncontrollable grin plastered on his face. He... didn't seem to notice the mistakes you made. That, or he didn't care. Either way, he seemed to be happy.
"Can you text it to me? It's really cool!"
You felt heat flash over your face. He really liked it? No catch, no nothing? You were planning on sending it at some point anyway, so you do, pulling out your Rotom Phone. You send it over, prompting his own phone to fly up to show him.
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"Haha, thanks!"
He takes a moment to do something. You aren't sure what until you get a notification.
<[Thanks! This is 🔥!/gen]
You snort before looking up at the guy.
"Jacq, I'm right here."
He simply smiles and shrugs.
"I usually reply to things if I can."
You nod, looking away from him with a smile on your face.
"But yeah! What else have you done?"
You're so freaking nervous, your entire torso is at war with itself, organs responding in different ways to get you OUT. But yet, your brain is telling you to show him. It seems... safe. So you do. Pulling up your gallery, you quietly look for and show him the Capsakid drawing you did.
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"Oooooh, that one's really good, too!"
"What-?"
You swear he's just being nice.
"B-but I made the body too long, and the middle leaf isn't this long, either-" you suddenly see so many faults in it, calling them all out. "-A-and the mouth is too round even for the angle, plus I forgot to round off the sh-"
He puts a hand on your shoulder.
"Hey? It's still a nice drawing. I can see just how passionate you are about capturing the essence of your Capsakid correctly."
"But it's..."
You're actively shaking, which is something that worries him for a moment.
"...wrong!"
He tilts his head.
"Wrong?"
"Yeah, like the anatomy and... stuff."
He chuckles.
"You know I can still tell it's him, right?"
You frown, just a little.
"I... maybe? What do you-"
"I can tell, because it feels like him, even if it isn't a one-to-one copy. I can just imagine him doing something like this."
You huff.
"Oh, he does. Every morning in fact, always looking down at me and laughing..."
"See? It's him, it doesn't need to be an exact copy. You didn't change who he is as an individual, and that's the most important part in a piece like this."
You think this over and smile a little. Maybe he's right...
"Heh, thanks, Jacq... sorry, got a bit stuck in my own head there..."
He smiles, just the lightest dusting of pink rising on his face.
"Of course! Everyone needs encouragement sometimes. You're an artist, but don't worry about it being perfect!"
_\V/_
"Soooo, yeah! That's how I got into paleo stuff, I guess," you say into your phone.
Jacq nods on the other end of the video call. You're walking your Pokémon, letting them get some sunlight and exercise as you stand there talking to him.
"Do you think you still have that book?"
You grin.
"Oh yeah, for sure, it's probably in an old box of mine. In fact, I think I remember which one..."
You absent-mindedly scratch the side of your head as you think about the book. The green and blue one with a smiling Amaura on the cover. You can almost feel the dust that had collected on it when you first picked it up at that thrift store as a kid...
"Yeah... next time I'm able to go home, I might check and see if it's still there."
"Hey, sounds like a plan. I wish I still had some of my childhood stuff..."
Huh. Does that mean he doesn't have... anything from his childhood, or is he just missing specific things? You wish you felt close enough to ask.
Looking at your phone, you see him typing something out on a laptop. He has a conference coming up that he's preparing for, but he still wanted to make sure you were doing OK out in the world on your own.
"...do you have a favorite childhood memory?"
His fingers come to an abrupt halt, seemingly not expecting that question (which, fair enough.) His head lowers slightly as he stares at his keyboard, the corner of his mouth somewhat downturned.
"Hm. Do I...?"
He's actually thinking pretty hard about this, so you start walking a little as he does, paying close attention so you don't end up spacing out and missing his response. You start to wonder what his childhood was like, only to suddenly realize you aren't exactly sure how old he is, and thus can't imagine the era.
It's a strange realization, one that makes you pause again. He doesn't look that old. In fact, he looks fairly young. But now that you think about it, he's already had a very successful career, as well as found the time to develop an app 'way before he started teaching'. He could be old enough to be your dad and you wouldn't know, but you'd be far too mortified to just straight-up ask.
"-well, I don't really know if I can label any as a 'favorite', but back then, I already enjoyed the type of stuff I do today."
"Oh yeah? Like anime and Pokémon biology and whatnot?"
"Yeah! I also liked video games, but I don't play many nowadays."
You nod, letting out an affirmative little hum.
"Yeah, I bet. You're always so busy with your research and stuff..."
That sounds bad.
"N-not that that's a bad thing, it's just, I get it, y'know? Not much time to really sit down and enjoy them."
He doesn't seem bothered by your little stumble.
"Yeah, exactly! I just don't have the time to, usually. I still enjoy them when I do get to play, though."
"Oh yeah? What type of games do you play?"
This answer is a lot easier.
"I mostly play the games I grew up on, but I never really stuck to one genre, so that still leaves a pretty fun variety I think. I was a Nintendo kid growing up, actually!"
Hmm, let's see. How do we do this...?
"Really? What's your favorite console?"
He squints, deep in thought.
"That answer constantly changes, but I've been extra fond of the GameCube lately. It hits that sweet spot between nostalgia and modern flare for me."
You nod. His response doesn't exactly answer how old he is, so you'd need to change tactics just a liiittle bit.
"I see. So, like, did you ever play the older consoles? Newer ones, too?"
"Yep! I got every major console release as they came out after my first. Well- except the Gameboy Advance, I think my mom was sick of the concept of 'new Gameboys', but she let me get it like a year or so later when she saw the games coming out for it."
Ah, typical mom behavior. Being annoyed by a console that just sounds like "the thing, but you buy it again!"
Wait. Did he get the first Gameboy? That had a long lifespan...
"Did you play the original? Th- the Gameboy, I mean?"
He grins.
"Yep! But uh, I kinda had to borrow my dad's, it came out when I was a toddler."
You can't quite remember when the line actually debuted, but you know it was at LEAST out in the early 90's, considering a game you really like came out for it in '92...
Man, even though it's literally just his age (and you aren't even sure what year he was born yet, late 80's, maybe?), you feel like you're already getting forbidden knowledge... so, you back out while you still can.
"Oh, I see. Was he a big gamer, too?"
You start walking again in order to keep an eye on your duo.
"Heh, yeah. Well, technically? He seemed to start gaming less as the years went on, but... he never really stopped."
You hum, kind of wondering what his parents were like. Or, are like? He doesn't seem to shy away from talking about them for any reason, everything said of them so far was volunteered on his own terms, so-
Mimi suddenly stops running mid-sprint, standing up straight and chirping in surprise. Cap stops running, too, looking up at her before jumping back as she suddenly starts emitting light.
"WHAT!? MIMI?!"
You drop your phone, running over to make sure she was OK. Her silhouette starts morphing little by little, growing taller, fluffier, bulkier, until...
...she lets out a triumphant, warbling cry.
"Mimi! Mimi WHAT!?"
She doesn't even get to answer. You scoop her up, running over to the phone you dropped.
"Jacq, JACQ, LOOK! LOOK AT HER!! THIS IS A HUUUGE GIRL, A MEGA MOUSE! LOOK!!"
Mimi has her eyes closed in contentment, letting you freak out for a moment over her new form. She's now a Pawmot, and you wanted to show off to EVERYONE, even to people who wouldn't know you OR have any reason to care, you were just that proud of her.
A shaky voice is heard on the other end. You can't see him due to holding Mimi right above the phone, but the crack is very, VERY audible.
"Y- eah? Great, that's g-great! Congratulations!"
Both you and Mimi are confused, looking at each other for a moment. You sit down, cradling her in one arm and picking your phone up with the other dominant hand. At this point, Cap has rejoined you, getting up to stand on your knee.
Now that you can see him again, Jacq looks... not ok. He's trying to control himself, but he's trembling, face slightly pale and smile more of a tight wince than an expression of joy. What... what happened?
"Hey, Jacq, you alright?"
He seems a bit surprised you could tell something was off, but he quickly clears his throat and answers.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just got a bit worried when you yelled and dropped your phone like that, hehe..."
Oh. Oh, yikes. Oh GODS-
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to-"
"-no, it's okay, I know you were excited. As you should be, honestly!"
He seems to feel a little better.
"I'm still sorry, I'd never scare you like that on purpose!"
He chuckles.
"I know, why wouldn't I know that?"
You let out a little laugh yourself.
"Heheh, I dunno, it's just..."
You suddenly blow a small raspberry, causing Mimi to put a hand over her mouth as she stifles a giggle and Cap to stare, mouth agape before laughing. Jacq himself laughs, too.
"Ah, looks like we're both sort of freaking out right now. Let's start over, okay? Oh! And uh..." He rubs the back of his neck a little. "I didn't want to say anything before, but you don't have to hold your phone for everything anymore, remember?"
Oh yeah, you turned off the auto-float thing when it startled you and almost made you fall out of your chair once. You thought it'd be Ok since it'd still save you if you fell, but maybe it'd be more convenient keeping it on in the long run? Life with these two can be chaotic, it'd be like an extra set of hands.
"You don't have to change it, but it might be convenient."
"Oh, definitely!" You nod enthusiastically. "Gimme a sec..."
You start changing the settings. You're in the zone, almost as if on auto-pilot, when Jacq starts giggling on the other end. You assume he's doing something, but when you finally exit your settings and watch your phone hover in place, you look at him, only to see he was already looking at you.
"Hm? What happened?" You ask as you look around, seeing nothing going on around you.
"Hehe, nothing... So! Where to begin?"
You think for a moment before getting an idea.
"Ah, here!"
You pick Mimi back up with both arms.
"Wow, look! A baby!"
He puts a hand over his mouth and gasps dramatically.
"Oh my, she sure grew!"
Mimi giggles a bit as you squeeze her tight.
"Yeah, but she's still my little thunder bolt..."
You loosen your grip before picking Cap up to place him in her arms, both to accentuate how small he is, as well as show how large she is now, the two of them being on the opposite ends of the average size spectrum. Mii's a bit bigger, Cap's quite a bit smaller, but they're still your perfect bundles of joy.
"Look at them! They're so different, but they're so beauuutifuuul!"
And they really are the most beautiful beings in the world to you. You loved every little thing about them, even the parts you didn't really understand before.
_\V/_
Part 3.75? This is longer than I thought, LMAO
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rinaririr · 1 year
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*slides in... like a very sneaky cat during zoomies who has slipped on a newly polished lacquered hardwood floor*
I was wondering... Do you perhaps have any tips for people with the basic knowledge of anatomy trying to learn how to draw poses? Perhaps some resources to look into?
I feel like I'm asking for a lot, so thank you in advance for your consideration 🙏
Lorei!! Hi hi!
That beginning of the ask reminded me of my little gremlin of a cat 😂 He’d nyooooom on freshly cleaned ceramic tile floor to chase the floor wiper and slipped.
Thank you for asking, and it’s not too much to ask so don’t worry! In fact i’m honored that you asked me for tips! I’m still learning myself, so this is kind of just how i do things. I’ll divide this question up into 2 categories: for specific illustrations and for practice.
✨For practice✨
Look up references, break the poses down to the most basic shapes —> draw those shapes out (helps with observation skills + building your own knowledge library of poses)
More anatomy practices, focusing on how major joints work (ex: neck, elbow, wrist, hip, knee, etc…) —> it helps with understanding how the muscles flex, relax, or turn in different poses
Resources:
Proko (very technical, great for anatomy practices)
Taco1704 on Instagram - they also have a book that compiles and categorizes their posts if that’s what you prefer (simple break downs of poses - in Korean but commenters translate to English)
✨For illustrations✨
Reference is always your friend - look up a reference you need (you can also mash up different references to get a pose you want) and break them down into shapes
I like to take videos of myself posing what i want to draw and use it as reference (super awkward, but sometimes you just can’t find a specific reference)
These are just some things that i personally do when it comes to poses. My anatomy and posing skills are still developing (there’s always room to improve 😂) so if anyone have something else to add, feel free to chime in!
Patient is definitely key, and be gentle with yourself. We’re always our toughest critics, but these skills take time to build up along with lots of failures, so go at your own pace, and most importantly, HAVE FUN 💖💖
I hope this was helpful! Thank you for the ask and i hope you have a good day!
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asoiaf-artbrdr · 2 years
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i was wondering if you had any tips and tricks for creating characters on artbreeder. i have ocs that i’m dying to make but i can’t seem to figure out how to use the site. if you’re not comfortable with sharing that is alright!
Hi! thanks for getting in touch. Admittedly, they've changed a lot of the UI since my personal heyday on the site, but I'm sure I can offer some assistance!
So, first off, for someone new to the platform I would recommend starting by building off of another user's base product. So find a portrait that achieves some of what you're looking for in your OC (be it hair or skin or face shape similarities, whatever). Click the remix button to enter the editor. Here we are with my portrait of Margaery:
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The most important trick I've found to creating nuanced portraits is in cultivating a robust gene library. This takes time, of course, but it is integral to the process! So, upper right hand corner is the add genes button. Click on that and another menu pops up. This menu allows you to browse recently created genes or look through your selection of favorites. As a long-time user, I have a few people I would recommend for their work creating genes. First is user zenozip. They helpfully have labeled everything they make with their username, so we can use the search function to find their genes.
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Many users don't label their genes in this manner. Instead, you've got to search terms with your fingers crossed. Let's say you want something to increase contrast in your image. Well, you can try the term 'contrast,' or perhaps 'light' (as in lighting - I shorten terms to the simplest version because a text search will pick up more broad results that way) or maybe 'sharp.'
Once you find a gene you're interested in trying out, click to add it to your editor. I've selected the sad eyebrows gene for our example. It's helpful to get an idea of what a gene is doing to the elements in your portrait if you hope to make the best possible use of it. That means trying it out at slight increments as well as extreme ones, and seeing what happens in either direction of use:
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Green on the bar (left image) is indicating positive values whereas that purpley shade indicates negative values. We can see a number of things have changed! For one, the obvious difference lies in the arch of the eyebrow. But the nose is more snubbish and shorter in the right image, her right mouth corner is more distinct. Her hair is also slightly wispier. However, the vast majority of the image remains the same as it was - this is something to keep your eye out for. Genes which focus on one feature or element and don't mess with the rest of your image are fantastic because you'll have to do less fine tuning in the long run. This gene is good at isolating it's major effects to the eyebrow ridge. But perhaps at some point you would want to make use of the effects it has on the nose, so it helps to keep an eye out for these sorts of things. I have plenty of genes in my catalogue I use more for their unintended or negative value effects than their stated purpose!
Making use of genes and having a handful you're confident in using will definitely improve your portraits. I also recommend saving often (the checkmark under her chin) because you can always build off what you've done so far. Also, if you're having trouble spotting the effects of a gene, try upping the chaos of the image (see below). This makes the effects of every change more (or less) extreme.
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See? The thing I was saying about the hair is much more prominent now, right?
Another tip is to tag your images. As you build up more and more saved images, you're going to lose track of what you were doing. It also helps in that experiments can be pulled back up and resumed. I personally have a whole bunch of experiments with hairstyles and colors that I tag for so I can search my library of images and utilize them.
For example, I'll give Marg different hair. After resetting the image, I'm selecting to 'add parent' (at top). I call these blends.
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Note my selection on the searchbar at the bottom. I'm going to try to make her hair more a pink shade, since that's easier with brunettes.
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You can add several parents at a time. The factors you can mess with here are 'face' and 'style.' Face refers to the shape elements of the portrait, whereas style alters coloration and lighting. This is useful to play around with! If you made a portrait where the shapes of everything, the eyes, nose, hair, etc, were exactly as you wanted it, but you wanted to make a significant change in the color of the eyes perhaps, this is one method to doing that. For example, with Targaryen portraits, this is very helpful.
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You can use this for makeup, too, or just lighting effects.
Anyways, I hope that's given you enough of a jumping off point! If you'd like to see more of the genes I'd recommend, there's a link to my Artbreeder account on my profile. From there, you can see the genes I've liked and try them out for yourself!
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(note the setting on the search bar above) (also note the usernames seen here, specifically ivia_sedai, nikkio, and drconfused; I've used their genes frequently)
Good luck, and feel free to ask any clarifying questions you need!
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whatwouldvalerydo · 1 year
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Rebel year - ch 5/6 - The transfer student
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Gareth follows up and finally gets to meet Ruby Taurus, however the night still has several surprises set out for him.
The time of the meeting appeared to never arrive. Gareth was pacing the hall in front of the Slytherin common room, being certain he had been stood up or someone was making fun of him. Surely the latter, he thought, as he stopped pacing, instead listening in.
The corridors carried the steps of students returning from dinner, however the elusive Ruby Taurus was nowhere in sight. Not like he really knew how the girl looked like, but he figured it should have been someone perhaps not as interesting in order to pull off everything, not standing out or quite the opposite. Maybe she did have an outlandish hair color, or big teeth, a crocket nose. Shaking his head, he sighed. If she was that different, he would probably have remembered at least seeing someone like that, especially since they were in the same year and the same house.
“Gareth Farr?” a voice called out to him, shy and timid, Gareth turning to stare at a girl much smaller than him in height. One might not even think she was in her fifth year, but then again, girls were usually smaller in size. Hair of pale pink stuck from under a quite odd hat she sported, curious azure eye watching him.
He nodded “Ruby Taurus I presume.” Her smiling, a pair of puffy red cheeks sporting several small scars, a tooth slightly chipped looking quite evident when she held her teeth together like that. She approached, a small hop to her walk “I have some questions for you.”
The girl listened as they leaned against a wall, Gareth going through all the rumors about her, Ruby laughing copious amounts as he related them. But the more he spoke and he actually took time to properly look at her, it felt as if her face did actually fall in place with the students in the class. He could have sworn he had seen her in Herbology, or in Charms that year, but could not place her before.
“Oh no, I heard them as well, but I can assure you I’m not a new student, but I have been studying in an exchange program for the last couple of years.”
Cocking a brow, he tried to make sense of everything “Then why have I not actually seen you in the majority of classes?”
Offering him another smile, Ruby simply stated “I have learned some things in advance, took exams so I just spend the majority of my time with the animals, taking care of them, in the music room or in Hogsmeade listening to the traveling musician, mister Lark. I always attend when he sings, he is quite brilliant. Once I am seventeen, I promise to run away and marry him.”
Gareth blinked a few times as his mind travelled somewhere else “So no ancient magic?” he asked interrupting her.
“Excuse me?”
Sighing, he shook his head “Do not pay attention to my words. Well it has been interesting, I hope it works out for you.” Ruby nodded thanking him before she hopped once more leaving him “Are you not going to your room? It is almost curfew.”
“Nonsense, I have more fun outside the normal rules as it is.” She tipped her funny looking hat before disappearing around a corner.
She was certainly peculiar, no wonder there were so many rumors surrounding the young Slytherin. Pushing himself from the wall he was leaning against, Gareth’s gaze caught the eyes of a young man, around the same age as him, his ice blue eyes glaring daggers “Can I help you?”
“Curiosity killed the cat Farr. I believe you think you’re far more important than you actually are. But you ask too many questions and you need to be taught a lesson.” Reaching inside his sleeve, Gareth felt the hairs at the back of his head stand on end.
“Now, now brother, this will only cause more problems and we haven’t much time until the prefects come.”
Turning around, Gareth saw a girl, her stare just as dangerous as the teens’. She smiled however it never reached her eyes, features as if set in stone “What my hotheaded brother is trying to say is that you have been quite a nuisance lately. Being everywhere, especially where you were not wanted. Now to make things clear for you” she said walking over to him, Gareth taking a step back as the siblings approached him slowly “since you are after all so curious. You are getting close to things you cannot understand. Ancient magic has existed for long and you will stay away. However it is not reserved for you.”
“What are you doing, giving him a history lesson? Let’s dispose of him and be done with this nuisance.”
The girl turned slightly to stare at her brother, smacking him across the face “You will do well to shut up and think.” Looking back at Gareth, he barely saw her draw her wand before his movements were restricted “Now, please excuse his behavior.”
“Who in Merlin’s name are you?” her face he knew, however he never needed a reason or had one in order to talk to the Gryffindor witch. Her brother on the other hand, while he did sport Slytherin clothing, he knew close to nothing about apart from him being a student from Durmstrang who was transferred for the fifth year, however apart from a bit of interest at the beginning of the year, he knew close to nothing about him.
“Where are my manners? I am Elisabeth and this is Arthur Crane. Now” she tucked a wild strand of jet black hair behind her ear “we will not kill you. However you will forget everything about ancient magic. You will tell your friends you have lost interest, moved on to the next best thing. Let us handle it from here, it was hard enough trying to make ourselves invisible while surrounded by so many people. Thankfully with so many rumors around this school it was fairly easy to direct attention elsewhere.”
“Why would you need ancient magic?”
Arthur laughed “For eternity of course. So tell me why aren’t we killing him again?”
Letting out a heavy sigh, she extended her wand “Because women need prospects for the future. You are a Crane, but I shall marry and be a nobody. He is rich and handsome so I would very much prefer to keep him that way. It has been a pleasure Gareth.”
Opening his eyes upon hearing his name being called out, Gareth blinked in surprise when he saw two prefects staring down at him “Are you alright?” helping him up from the floor, he kept looking around trying to understand what happened. Last he knew he was speaking to Ruby, the girl as uninteresting as the next person, however everything after that was a blur.
“I must have fainted.” He stated running a shaky hand across his forehead. Perhaps he should cut down on the potions meant to keep him awake and actually have a proper night’s sleep.
“Do you want to go to the hospital wing?”
“No, I just want to sleep.”
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missmaywemeetagain · 1 year
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How did you learn how to write? Did you ever take any writing courses? Or is it just something that's one of those "if you know, you know" things? You have such a beautiful way with words (There are so many uber talented Elvis fanfic writers out there, I swear. This community is the best) and I aspire to be like you! You make me want to become a better writer.
Any tips? Humble me!! <3
Baaaaaaby Darlin’, oh my heart. ❤️😭 That is incredibly lovely of you to say and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! 🥰 And I wholeheartedly agree that there are some AMAZING fic writers in our community (including you!)—it’s incredible, really.
And boy, what a question. I’ve loved to write pretty much since the beginning, and I will say I excelled in it in school. That, coupled with my love for reading and stories in general, had me double majoring in English and Theater in college, so I took writing courses back then for sure! But that was awhile ago… 🫣 but I would consider myself a “lifelong learner.” (Though now that I think about it, I’m guessing that being an actor/studying acting REALLY helped me in terms of how to build a character…) In many ways, writing has come naturally—things like structure and form and character empathy are fairly intuitive for me, and I’ve always had an intense imagination…so perhaps there’s a bit of nature and a bit of nurture involved there?
But honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to practice and consumption. For many years, I didn’t write unless it was work-related (boo 👎🏼), but I definitely still had stories living inside me, and I have always loved consuming/participating in stories in a variety of ways. And the more I’m participating in those things, the better the writing becomes.
My biggest tips (from a decidedly non-expert): Read a ton, fic and more traditionally published works in different genres. Watch TV and movies and plays. Listen to music. I didn’t realize it until recently, but my consumption of stories has really helped me internalize story structure and beats and character to the point that I often don’t realize that it’s so deep in me they’ve become intuitive. I’m not sure if that makes sense. If nothing else, all those stories give you a treasure trove of ideas to draw from!
My other tip is just to write. Write anything. Daydream. Keep a dream journal if you remember your dreams. Start things you don’t finish. Play around with different genres, different voices, different POVs, different tenses. I have a ton of documents that are all of those things. Pink Scarf was born out of one (that I then heavily revised but the seed was there lol). If you are a visual person, you could draw out things, make storyboards or mood boards or other aesthetically minded things. Take courses if that works for you! Take an acting class or script writing class. Listen to authors talk about their works and actors talk about their character process.
Just know there’s not one right way to write. There’s lots of things that work for different people. (Perfectionism is my eternal struggle and I have to remind myself of that regularly, and I think this is often what gets in the way for many writers even starting!)
I’m not sure if that’s in any way helpful, but I hope you can glean something from it! Like I said, I’m certainly not an expert and have about a million things about my writing I can and do pick apart and could improve at. 😂
Thanks for stopping my, my darlin’! Can’t wait to see what you do next! 💜💜💜
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prismaticstreams · 2 years
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Grieving and letting go: a 12 step guide
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I wanted to put together a list of tools, techniques and resources that have helped me in dealing with grief, losses and break-ups. These tips can apply whether the loss is platonic or romantic.  I hope that you find these ideas helpful in your journey!
1. Books: When I go through a major loss, it helps me a lot to read more about how other people have coped and dealt with serious losses as well. When I go through a friendship fall out, it helps to read books about the specific kind of loss you are going through. For instance, if it’s a romantic loss, there are books all about recovering from heartbreak. If it’s a friendship fall out, there are books specially about dealing with the loss of platonic friends. If it’s a death, there are books primarily about grief from the death of loved ones.
2. Music: Over the last five years I have created Spotify playlists about grief, loss, break ups and so on, and I keep adding to them as I find new songs that are relevant. I find music very cathartic and can really help me get in touch with my emotions, especially when I might be feeling a bit numb and disconnected. Sometimes you might want songs that are all about sadness and grief, while at other times you might want angry or empowering songs. Just embrace it all!
3. Healing techniques: There are a number of healing techniques that help a lot in hard times and when processing difficult emotions, especially if a situation is somewhat traumatic. EFT tapping in particular has helped me greatly. Sometimes I make it up on the spot as I go along, sometimes I write and save my own scripts on my computer to go back to, while at other times I do a web search and look for scripts on a particular topic (and often change it to suit me). You can learn EFT for free here: Tapping 101.
4. Visualisation and inner child work: If a particular loss taps into something deeper from your childhood (e.g. abandonment or abuse from a parent, sibling etc) then inner child work may help you. Some people find it helpful to visualise themselves as a child, and imagine holding and soothing themselves - as a parent or adult would do for any child they loved. For more information and tips, I’d recommend checking out books about inner child work and looking up guided inner child meditations on YouTube.
5. Meditation and singing: These two are wonderful for calming the mind and body, because they activate the vagus nerve in particular. Singing with other people is also known to produce oxytocin and feelings of wellbeing, so if you can sing in a choir or a group, even better! Also there are many different kinds of meditation out there so I’d recommend trying a few types to find which methods suit you best. If you have a hard time focusing, perhaps start with short, guided meditations like the Headspace App.
6. Physical touch: Affection and physical touch from loved ones and friends can help greatly to soothe and regulate the nervous system. If you don’t have a partner, consider hugging friends or family, cuddling a pet, or getting a massage. Some people also enjoy attending platonic cuddle parties or find platonic cuddle buddies online. Certain social groups, especially from more affectionate cultures (like South America), tend to be more affectionate. If all else fails, self-soothing touch can also be quite calming and helpful.
7. Friendships and therapy: Getting support from your friends is crucial when going through a tough time, so reach out to your social support network as much as you can. If you need extra guidance and support that your friends are unable to give, then I would highly recommend seeing a therapist. Just remember that if you’re new to therapy, it can take trying several people before you find one who is a good fit - don’t give up too quickly. 
8. Online groups and forums: If you don’t have a lot of offline friends or you’re isolated for some reason (e.g. due to illness, disability etc). then online groups can be a great resource for extra support and companionship. I find online groups can also help to provide a more objective viewpoint on a difficult situation or relationship conflict, especially if the people don’t really know me and aren’t afraid to be completely honest.
9. Spiritual techniques: This may not apply to everyone, but if you are interested in religion/spirituality then you may find certain spiritual techniques useful for dealing with loss and moving on. Many people find prayer and meditation helpful during tough times, and spiritual community can help deal with painful losses. Some people also find it helpful and healing to use practices like cutting energetic cords/spiritual ties, as a way of letting go of past relationships. For more about this see: How to Cut an Unhealthy Bond with Someone.
10. Symbolic steps, ceremonies and rituals: Some people also find it helpful to engage in some kind of ritual to help them let go on a more physical level. This could include a wide range of things like going to a body of water and throwing stones in, writing a letter to let out all your feelings then burning it in a fire, or breaking a stick in half to symbolise an ending. Judith Orloff writes,
“Have honorable closure. This shamanic technique lets you release a relationship, particularly if you keep thinking about the person or sense that they’re thinking about you. Go out in nature and find a large stick. Look at the stick and declare, “This relationship is over.” Then break the stick in half, leave the pieces on the ground, walk away, and never look back. This finalizes the ceremony of closure.”
11. Journalling: Writing in a journal, whether on paper or typing on the computer, can really help with processing emotions and getting things off your chest. Writing unsent letters to get out all your anger, sadness and feelings of love can also help greatly. Check out these prompts to get you started: A Week’s Worth of Journaling Prompts: The Journey of Grief
12. Self care: This might seem obvious but remember to look after your health as much as possible when going through grief or loss. This includes eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, exercising, and avoiding drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. If you need extra help with this, find an accountability buddy to keep you on track.
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