#permitting drunkeness

[feelingpure]

Thinking about Tim and Hawk's lack of mouth-to-mouth intimacy so far.

I need Tim with a boyfriend who:

hugs him

kisses him

holds his hand

and makes him squirm too, but in a fully consenting way

[merakiui]

Genuine friend heizou would be so nice in that situation. He can gather the information needed from you, your friends, and anyone else to help you out! That's what friends are for!!

But at the same time, yan!heizou that now from the information he gathered about your past relationship, which knows what to do and what not to do. He promises to keep you safe, you don't ever have to worry about kuni ever again! DW he will always be there to help you out, that's what lovers friends are for!! :)))

Heizou is so refreshing and normal compared to Kuni. At least that’s how he seems on the surface. He’ll wrap his arms around you and Kuni, putting his weight on both of you, and call the two of you his little lovebirds, much to your displeasure and Kuni’s pride. He’ll tell the scariest campfire stories when the lot of you are in the forest, passing drinks and snacks around happily. But he always explains the twists and motivations at the very end, even though no one’s really listening when they’re either drunk or high (or both). He likes to work out the logistics of horror and to comprehend the steps that were taken to pull off the crimes detailed in these stories, some he’s made up and others cases he’s studied in class.

Heizou is always observing things around him. He likes to keep an activity record of the people he finds interesting. Because of this, he has pages and pages dedicated to his friends and their relationships, everything outlined with the occasional correction as he learns more. All of these relationships have one thing in common: you’re connected to them. Your relationship with Kazuha, your relationship with Tighnari, your relationship with Venti, your relationship with him—he keeps track of everything. What he hasn’t been able to work out lately is your relationship with Kuni. You seemed so opposed to him in the beginning, even if you tried (and failed) to hide your obvious apprehension. Heizou and his detective’s brain can sense one thing: there must be more to this than what he’s currently seeing.

And he’s proven correct when he pulls you aside one day after noticing the distress that has worn your youthful features into something tired and anxious. When you spill the truth and he listens intently, nodding and humming along, a part of him is overwhelmed with morbid satisfaction. He was right; he knew something was off between you and Kuni, but he could never quite put his finger on it. And oh isn’t this something! Heizou has read up on stories of crazy, vindictive ex-partners, but he’s never encountered one in real life. To think that the sweet Kuni could hide a side so dark, but then the best criminals cloak themselves in sheep’s clothing.

Like the good friend he is, he offers to help you gather and compile evidence so that when you do involve the authorities they won’t turn you away on account of a lack of solid evidence. Heizou really does want to help you. He’s completely genuine in his approach, but there is the side of him that’s happy to know you’re so vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Which makes him sound like such a terrible person! Really, he’s a sweetheart. You have to trust his handsome face! Heizou is just…conflicted. He’s liked you for a while now—nearly a year if he’s counting properly—and the fact that your history with Kuni and Kuni’s most recent actions are tainting your view of romance… It makes it harder for him to charm you. If you’re constantly guarded, how can he possibly slip through the cracks in your heart? Kuni’s ruining everything for him.

But Heizou has a plan. He’ll be your supportive net—the one to hold you up when you can’t stand—and he’ll work effortlessly to unravel Kuni’s terrible plot so that he can be permanently removed from your life. And once he’s gone, there won’t be anymore roadblocks and Heizou will finally get to have you for himself. He’ll show you that good guys exist—that he’s one of them! After all, he’ll know exactly how to act and what not to say or do because he has an extensive record of all Kuni’s done, both according to your retelling of events and his observations. You’ve just given him the cheat code to your heart, and he’s determined to use it to show you every good side he has to offer. Anything that isn’t so savory will be hidden under layers of sweetness. Heizou’s good at keeping secrets and even better at comprehending the complexities of the human mind. He knows just how to paint a friendly, disarming image of himself.

[slothwizard]

My last months obsession (month of May) was Gough Whitlam and the dismal (thank you ABC podcast The Eleventh) and this month's obsession is inspired by @punterspoltics on insta (and I think tik tok but i cant let myself have that) who regularly talks about the way mining companies bend over the government for lower (or nill!!) Taxes on mining. We could be getting a Sovereign fund like so many other countries! We could be a richer country! (Richer as in I mean dental in Medicare, money for public housing etc you know). So this is why I'm reading the following 'boring' texts. After whitlam this is the next best progression. There's a conspiracy, that this may be part of why he was dismissed (Australian mining companies, and their power, disliked whitlam - or actually a minister under him who he supported - wanted an Australian profits from our resources into our social Spendings for the good of every Australian)

Anyway this is way more complex than a simple post. But im obsessed!

I talked the ears off my friends about Whitlam last month, so I have warned that this is way more boring, but, relevant!

[bravevolunteer]

although i think it was mostly henry who taught michael how to drive— i'm amused by that being because william ( local control freak ) insisted on doing it first which lead to the Worst Driving Lesson Of All Time and henry just HAD to take over after that

because of who? both. it was both of them.

[m-is-for-mj]

Hah I’m drunk lol

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"LIBERATE TRIO HELD IN DRUGGIST'S DEATH," Toronto Star. April 10, 1934. Page 5. --- Megaffin, Nichols and Curtis Discharged by Police Magistrate --- "No bill" having been found by a spring assize grand jury last week, Cecil Megaffin and Harold W. Nichols, charged with manslaughter, walked out of men's police court today free men.

"A grand jury finding no bill against them last week. I am given to understand the charges will be withdrawn," said R. H. Greer, counsel for Megaffin.

"I have no instructions to the contrary," replied F. I. Malone, crown attorney.

Edward J. Curtis, held as a material witness in the same case, had the charge withdrawn.

The charges arose out of the death of Clelland Russell. Pape Ave.. druggist, who was found on the running board of his car with his skull battered.

Took Eggs from Truck Theft of 30 dozen eggs on March 20. belonging to I. Spivak. King St., plus a record, helped George Morrisette to six months definite and six months indefinite in the reformatory.

J. Marco, working at an parking lot nearby, saw accused, accompanied by two others, lift a case of 30 dozen of eggs from a truck on Market St.. he said.

Marco told the court that he had seen the same youth take a bag of sugar a few days previously. "You know what Magistrate Coatsworth told you last time?" queried Mr. Malone of accused. "That it was my last chance," was the reply.

"All right, six definite and six indefinite," decided his worship.

Penitentiary Warning "It will be the penitentiary for you if you keep it up." the crown attorney promised John Kerr and Roy Rutledge, who were placed on probation for one year on a theft charge.

Five Days to Clean Up Looking as if he had been hanging over the smoke stack. Joe Host pleaded guilty to beating his way on a C.P.R. train yesterday and was fined $10 or five days. "To clean up," added Magistrate Tinker. Accused told the court, through an interpreter, that he was looking for work, and getting an offer of a job on a farm near here he had "hopped" a train because he had no money.

Standing in the dock facing drunk charges was nothing new for them. Robt. McHenry and John King admitted to the court. As a result they were given options of $50 or 30 days each. "Don't make the mistake again," his worship warned them.

Uses Drug for Rheumatism Finding John Whalen, a youth, in the basement of a lunch counter at Yonge and Gerrard Sts. on April 2 with codeine, a spoon. eye-dropper and a hypodermic needle in his possession, an officer arrested him on a vagrancy charge.

"He uses it for his rheumatism," said his mother.

"I am not an addict," broke in accused.

Whalen had a long record, which included theft and housebreaking charges. "I don't want to send you to jail," sighed the eadi. "It would do neither you nor your mother any good. You had better stop the drugs because they are only steps to more serious things. They will lead to your ruin. I am going to put you on probation for a year to Captain Bunton of the Salvation Army."

Betrayed By a Bottle When Harry Higgen got out of a car involved in an accident at the corner of Lowther Ave, and St. George St. last Thursday, a bottle. half full of whiskey, tumbled to the pavement. P.C. Graham testified. in liquor and traffic court to-day. As a result Higgen was ordered to pay a $30 fine or spend 30 days in jail, being convicted of consuming in an illegal place.

Roomer Was Too Generous Sobbing that she had been victimized by a roomer at her mother's house, Mary Buga. 17-year-old crippled girl pleaded guilty to having illicit alcohol. She came out of a house on Chestnut St. carrying a pint of the spirits, Motorcycle Officer Gannon stated.

"Mike Hiba gave it to me and told me to treat my sister." she testified, in tears. "I didn't think there was anything wrong."

Hiba, she said, lived at her mother's house with her three little brothers and another man.

At the suggestion of the bench a charge of having was brought against Hiba, who denied everything, never saw the girl that day." he asserted. "I am hard-working peddler."

"Of alcohol?" queried J. A. Marshall, crown prosecutor. "Er-nh-no." replied Mike.

"I don't believe this man. He is not telling the truth." decided Magistrate Browne, fining Hiba $100 and costs or 3 months, with an additional one month in jail and discharging the girl.

Day of Young Criminals "Isn't it the boys of this age that are the experienced criminals of today?" remarked Magistrate Browne when Arthur O'Reilly, 20, pleaded guilty to shopbreaking. "I don't see many of the old timers involved in big crimes nowadays."

O'Reilly alias O'Brien, who charged jointly with Gerald was H. Browne with breaking into Herman Speers' drug store on Gerrard St. E.. March 19, had admitted stealing $13.40 and a quantity of cigarettes and tobacco. He was given 60 days in the reformatory while Browne was discharged.

T. B. Horkins made a strong plea for mitigation, pointing out the accused had only been married three months and was making a determined effort to reform and live down several other convictions of theft. "He is a wanderer from Nova Scotia without guidance," he pleaded. "He was perfectly frank about it all and accepts all the responsibility."

"He has had experience In crime," his worship observed. "If it were not for counsel's plea I would be tempted to send him to the reformatory for two years: his record warrants it. There is no doubt in my mind that he was shielding this other man."

[rrat-king]

fun canon things about the lake elsinore crew we learned this episode:

liv's mom has a miniature pinscher named dilly who is 11 and has no teeth

dang hates cops passionately and has vague beef with paula

russell makes an effort to stay flexible and is prideful over the fact that he is (also has a great ass)

paula is catholic

dang calls usha "his little ushie"

russell is a car guy

liv has only ever gotten drunk off of gatorade abominations at highschool parties

usha plays scrabble and is damn good at it

wendell only has his learner's permit

dang is a lite beer guy

[lovegasmic]

⋆ GLORY HOLE

ft. Sunday, Gallagher, Gepard, Jing Yuan.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 cw. f!reader, oral male receiving ( sunday, mentions : gallagher, gepard )

NAVI ⁞ EVENT MASTERLIST

a... glory hole? that was a new concept for Sunday, but well, as the Oak family boss he should personally check whether the new Penacony entertainment establishment met the requirements.

what he did not expect was to get absolutely addicted to you. who happened to be the destined girl to give Mr. Sunday a little test, a little trial all free from charge, a gift from the owner himself.

the room being wiped clean from all unwanted eyes, all but the man himself, and the round hole where your pretty mouth could wrap around his cock. hesitation is what mostly existed in Sunday’s brain, although it quickly shut down when the pink tip of your tongue darted out to taste him, almost making his hand slam against the thin wall separating you both.

a pleasure like no other is what you’ve made him feel, turning him into some lust driven being where he aggressively rutted his hips against the wall, balls almost slapping with your chin if it weren’t because of the separation, but eons... how desperate Sunday needed to see your face, what expression would you have? blissed, cock drunk? perhaps even surprised or fearful to find yourself sucking Sunday’s cock, although the mere thought was enough to make him cum down your eager throat.

the establishment was approved in less than a day.

although Gallagher enjoyed his job, serving drinks, chit chat with patrons who were more than eager to share bits of personal or interesting information and creating new, innovative drinks, he couldn’t deny the thrill and eagerness that surrounded the man upon the arrival of his shift’s end.

mindlessly playing with the lighter on his hand while his steps were casual and light through Penacony’s streets, steps that always guided him to one place, the gloryhole.

Gallagher had a favorite, of course, you happened to immediately capture his heart — and cock — merely from watching you bent and spread, that pretty pussy slick and almost begging for him.

he doesn’t really care if he’s fucking your throat or cunt, both are more than welcome for as long as you continue to make those tiny, muffled mewls. he likes to think you do them just for him, that you have somehow memorized the shape of his cock, the way each vein rubs against your pussy walls, the taste of his precum staining your tongue and gliding down your throat.

it’s a nice entertainment and stress reliever, but besides from a selfish reward, he does really enjoy how you silently cream his cock every single time.

Gepard knew this wasn’t a good idea, he knew he should not have listened to the other guards speaking about this new underground club, but he was the captain, it was his duty to check whether all permits were in order.

big mistake. the blonde should have first asked Bronya about the paperwork instead of just rushing to the said place, and second of all, he definitely should have checked if it was indeed a club, not a gloryhole.

his cheeks are as pink as the neon lights outside, thinking he shouldn’t be there, he shouldn’t be intently staring at your exposed pussy and his cock definitely shouldn’t be drooling precum into his pants, twitching and straining against his pants. but he’s there, and somehow, back a few days later, wearing daily clothes now and thankfully the lady at the front counter didn’t seem impressed at the sight of the guard, perks of working above the surface.

it takes him a few days to build up the courage, to finally do more than just rub his thumb on your clit until you cum, to slide his condom wrapped cock across your slit, teasing himself until the tip accidentally catches against your hole, and then he just gives in, messily humping into your soft cunt that wraps around his cock just so prettily, so perfect and warm, you’re like heaven, and Gepard can’t help but wonder if you’d like to go out with him.

Jing Yuan is really not ashamed of his sex life, but of course, as the general, he must still keep some appearances.

the subtle looking establishment is always ready to receive the silver haired man, with an extra tip to keep the hostess quiet about his whereabouts, and another extra so he gets to meet with you, his favorite girl.

never in his life has Jing Yuan been picky, but ever since he got a taste of you, — more like you got a taste of him — he couldn’t just give up on you so easily.

and you know it’s him, of course you do, he doesn’t need to speak, but his low, throaty chuckle and deep groans of pleasure are enough to give him away, besides, you always knew a man like the general was well packed, considering how easily he made your toes curl and eyes roll in sheer bliss.

he fucks like he fights, with all he got, with his hands on your hips almost leaving bruises, precisely thrusting into your soaked cunt that seemed to ooze more slick the more his cock drove into you. but there were times when he fucked deep but slow, almost making you sob and convulse around the fat girth of his cock, begging and sucking him deeper into your walls.

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[slytherinslut0]

SLYTHERINSLUT0’S KINKTOBER | 2024.

hello my loves. here we have the masterlist for my first ever kinktober. a huge thank you to all my new followers and to anyone who’s been around since the beginning. october marks a year since this account blew up so this is my little treat to yall. let’s get kinky.

please note the following, some of these works may contain triggering content and kinks that might not be for you, do not click on something you aren't comfortable with, and as always, chars are 19+, minors please do not interact.

MASTERLIST UNDER CUT | ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊🕷

kinktober masterlist. | full masterlist. | 19+ MDNI.

these will be completed in a mix of full fics & blurbs.

october 1st • size kink, big dick. 

just the tip. theodore nott

october 4th • loss of virginity / corruption kink.

first time. mattheo riddle

• part one

• part two

october 8th • somno / free use.

thank you. tom riddle

october 11th • mirror sex / body worship.

i want you to watch yourself. blaise zabini

october 15th • brat taming / daddy kink.

yes, daddy. mattheo riddle

october 18th • gun play / dub con / masochism.

russian roulette. tom riddle

october 21st • hate fucking / dub con / enemies.

quiet. mattheo riddle

october 25th • anal sex / sexual punishment.

bend over. tom riddle

october 28th • degradation / humiliation / 3sum

ghostface. theodore nott x lorenzo berkshire

october 31st • orgy / groupsome / drunk sex.

a fuckfest. the slytherins

all works belong to © slytherinslut0 and are not permitted to be reproduced redistributed or republished in any way, shape or form.

banner credit: @violetbudd

[touyatodorokigf]

AND I READ SOMEWHERE ON THE INTERNET THAT IF WE HAVE KIDS THEN THEY WONT EXIST AND NOW IM THE BITCH THAT RUINED UR FAMILY LINE

[dreaming-medium]

No Contact

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Word Count: 7.6k

Tags: ANGST with a happy ending, amnesia, memory loss, grief, pining, yearning, hurt/comfort

Summary: It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen. You weren't supposed to be in that car, but you were. When you lose your memories from the incident, Chan is ordered to stay away for your recovery's sake; but it takes a larger toll on him than anyone could have imagined. Until one day, he just can't take it anymore.

A/N: inspired by this post. Angst ahoy <3 I had too much fun writing this. Maybe I like writing emotions. Enjoy <3

—————————————————————

No contact. That’s what Chan was told was best for you. That’s what was going to help your healing process. 

No contact whatsoever. No texts, no calls, no little surprise visits. No fucking contact. None. 

He was told it would just hurt you if he talked to you— that he would just make it worse. That you would only become more confused and upset. It would be absolutely detrimental for him to see you.

Hell, it might even make you worse. 

It’s killing Chan slowly. Every single day feels like torture for him. The days get exponentially worse. He feels like a hollow shell of his former self, like the wind goes through him when he steps foot outside. It feels like his shoulders are permanently sagged forward. 

But the worst part is that you don’t even know it. You don’t know how he’s collapsing inwards like a dying star. 

It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen in years. A friend was driving you home that night; Chan had begged to be the one to pick you up, but no, you said it was fine, the friend was heading that way anyway. Why make the unnecessary trip?

You told him he needed sleep. Always putting his needs before your own. You always did. 

He should’ve put up more of a fuss. He should’ve put his foot down. He should’ve already been outside the house in his car with the passenger seat warmer on by the time you left that stupid party. 

He should’ve gotten out of the car and opened the door for you and had a cold bottle of water waiting in the cup holder. He should’ve kissed you on the cheek and asked you all about your time. He should have been there.

But he wasn’t. 

A drunk driver slammed into the passenger side of your friend’s car at a speed that you shouldn’t have even survived.

Miracles do happen, though. But what a price to pay for a miracle. 

For as long as he lives, Chan will never forget the sheer panic and terror he felt when the call came in from your mother. You were already at the hospital undergoing emergency surgery.

He was the last to know. 

After all, he wasn’t your emergency contact. He’s only your boyfriend.

Was. Was your boyfriend. Was? Is that the right word? He isn’t. But he is. There was no breakup. 

Is that what he’s going through right now? A breakup? 

You’re not on a break. But what is this? What is this loss? This severance is so horrible. 

It’s fucked up. It’s a fucked up, amnesia induced breakup. 

Memory loss is a funny thing. Doctors scratch their heads and shrug their shoulders without any answers. The brain is a tricky thing. 

Chan did what he was allowed to in that hospital. He sat in that stark white room under those harsh LED lights and he waited until you were awake. He even waited much longer after that because only two visitors were permitted inside your room at a time— and he wasn’t about to force his way in and kick one of your parents out. 

He let your sister go in first. He even let your cousin go in before him. But when it was finally his turn… 

He never got to see you. 

“The last five years?” Chan asked with a tight throat. Did he even have any more tears left to cry? How is there any liquid left in his body?

“She says doesn’t remember anything, Chan.” Your mother’s voice was just as hollow as his. “She was asking about her freshman roommate.”

A doctor stood in between him and your mom. “It’s best if we don’t throw everything at her at once. Amnesia victims rarely never get their memories back, but we’ve found that it needs to happen organically. Seeing her will overwhelm her and that could stunt the healing process.”

Chan’s mouth opened and closed several times but no words came out at all. His heart may have stopped. 

Does that mean…?

No…

“He can’t see her at all?” Your mother asked quietly. “Not even to visit? He doesn’t have to mention he’s her boyfriend, he can just say that he’s a friend, or a coworker, or—“

The doctor cut her off. “No contact. Not until we’re a bit through recovery and she’s starting to get her memories back.”

Chan was suddenly in a chair. 

When did he sit down? The Doctor’s hands were on his shoulders and he was looking down at him with a sympathetic stare.  

“It’s not forever, son.”

Chan was only able to nod. His mouth was so dry, the back of his neck felt clammy. His head was spinning.

Books often speak of moments as ‘Earth-shattering’. Of moments so catastrophic that the planet stops spinning on its axis and time stands still.

He gets it now. 

The doctor spoke a few more words to your mother before walking away. She looked down at Chan sadly. 

Your mother sat on the chair next to him and wrapped him up in a hug. His world was falling apart around him. You were slipping through his fingers. He couldn’t even see you.

Hot tears poured down his face while he sat there with his head in his hands. Why does it feel like he’s losing you? Why is this the only way? Why are these the cards that are being dealt?

Why didn’t he pick you up from that fucking party?

“She loves you, Chan… she’ll come to her senses, I promise, I promise.”

It’s been two months, one week, two days and eight hours since he’s talked to you. That long since he’s known peace. Since he’s known any sort of comfort. 

You’re the last thing he thinks about before he closes his eyes at night and the first thing he thinks about in the morning. No matter how many times he wakes up and feels the cold bed next to him, it never dulls the ache in his chest.

It’s not a healthy mindset, he knows. And it’s not that you were codependent on one another, that’s not it at all. You were just… ripped away from him. 

Food has no taste. The sky isn’t as blue as it used to be. Clouds don’t make fun shapes like they did with you by his side. The stars are still in the sky, he thinks, he hasn’t had the guts to look at them. 

God, you love the stars so much. You always talked about how pretty they are— how absolutely breath-taking you think the universe is. Chan would simply listen, he would always listen. All he ever wanted to do was listen.

How is he supposed to look at anything the same way? How is any day supposed to be normal when half of his life is suddenly missing. What’s the point of making music if you’re not there to listen to it?

5:00 PM is the hardest hour to get through. You don’t open the door to his apartment when you get off work. You don’t tell him about the things that happened during your shift. 

He can’t leave little snacks out on the counter for you to eat when you get home like he used to. 

Mice would get to it before you did. 

His lonely apartment is slowly losing your smell. He could spray your perfume, sure, you keep a bottle at his place, but it’s not the same. You somehow made the scent sweeter by letting it linger on your skin. 

All of your old toiletries are still there where you left them. Your spare toothbrush has been bone dry and untouched since 9:28 AM that morning. Your shampoo bottles are still half full and waiting for you on your shower shelf.

It had rained a few days before your accident. You had started a puzzle on his dining room table that day– you told him it was the perfect rainy day activity. It was a picture of different comic book covers. It’s now collecting dust. Unmoved and unsolved. 

Just like him.

It was a battle and a half to throw away your leftovers from two nights before your car accident. He felt like he was throwing away your normal life, your tiny domestic traces. 

He didn’t want to cleanse you from his life, but you were washing away. Your ghost was eroding with time. 

Your spare car keys are still hanging on the key ring. Your rain coat is on the third hook draped right over your work bag. Even your phone charger is still plugged into the wall on your side of the bed.

Did you know you forgot to put your favorite gold earrings on that night? You left them on the nightstand. They’re still there, don’t worry. Right next to the glass of water you drank half of. 

Do you even remember them…? He got them for you for your first Christmas together. 

There are so many signs of a life interrupted integrated so deeply into his. 

You’re a clock whose hands stopped suddenly at 1:24 AM. 

This sort of haunting is unbearable. You’re not a phantom in his life, though. You’re something so unattainable that he had once but it was taken away with empty promises of return. 

It’s like you’re a shiny diamond hidden away beneath lasers and traps like in those stupid, cheesy spy movies you love so much. 

Do you know what he would give to watch one of those with you in his arms right now? 

Chan feels like he’s banging on the glass of a one sided window, screaming for you to remember him. Meanwhile you’re on the other side only staring into a mirror, trying to pick up the pieces from before. 

Your mom sends him updates on your condition all the time. He knows that you started working at the local library about three weeks ago. 

You had worked there in college before graduating and getting your last job. It was one of your favorite jobs you ever had. That library was so special to you. 

To him too. 

It’s the library where he first met you. 

The same library Chan finds himself in front of now. 

He shouldn’t go in. He can’t go in. He absolutely should not go inside. 

Bang Chan you should not and cannot go inside this library. Under no circumstances should you step foot inside this building where your other half is working. 

Absolutely not. 

The door emits a soft ding when he opens it. Electronic. Quiet. Peaceful. 

There’s a certain type of silence that sits in a library. It’s closer, thicker— warmer. It’s an expected silence. They’re supposed to be quiet. 

Chan can hear his sneakers take every step on the carpeted floor. There’s no one sitting behind the front desk; that’s where you usually were. 

His eyes look all around, but there’s no sign of you anywhere. A few people toddle around the shelves. 

There’s more soft beeping coming from the self checkout. That’s new. They didn’t have that when you worked here years ago. You probably hate it. 

On the day he met you, you were wearing a pair of dark green pants and a black long sleeve shirt. Your hair was clipped behind your head and pieces were falling over your face. 

Chan was only in the library to look for the bathroom. He was on his way to lunch with a friend, but he just had to stop somewhere. The library was the closest option. 

When he had heard the sound of books falling, he investigated and found you in the center of the carnage, the glasses on your nose sat crookedly and you rubbed your head. 

Your eyes met. He was a goner. 

How disgustingly poetic that he finds himself here now. Where he really shouldn’t be. He was quite literally prescribed a restraining order against you. 

Chan meanders around with his hands in his pockets, the silence getting louder and louder the further he gets inside.

Maybe you’re not working today? 

No one is anywhere to be seen. He’s checking down all the aisles but he doesn’t see you anywhere. 

Maybe it’s for the best that you’re not here. He’s not supposed to see you anyway. He’s breaking the doctor’s rules by doing this anyway. 

He needs to leave. He needs to get out of here. 

His feet stop in front of the very aisle where he saw you for the first time. 

Empty. 

You-less. 

If he thinks hard enough, Chan can picture you in front of him, laughing quietly with the most adorable, embarrassed blush on your cheeks. 

What a moment. 

Is it possible to spend eternity in that moment? Obviously internal clocks can be rewound, paused, flipped every which way; can he go back to that day? Can he go back to the day where every single poem suddenly made sense?

He would take any day, really, any day that had you in it. Birthdays, holidays, late night dates, Hell, he’d even take a day where he only saw you when you dropped off a drink for him in his studio. 

Anything, he would take anything just to see your smile bloom on your face while he watches.

“Can I help you find something?”

His breath catches in his throat, it feels like he’s physically punched in the chest. That voice. That beautiful, melodic voice. He hasn’t heard it in person in months, only in videos he had on his phone. 

Slowly, Chan turns to face the source of his favorite pitch. 

His throat immediately tightens. 

There you are. You. Beautiful you. 

Standing right there. Looking at him like a complete fucking stranger. 

“I…” his voice is hoarse. Chan can feel the tears in his eyes begin to form. He didn’t think this through, did he?

You’re staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything. You’re waiting, come on, Chan. Speak up. Say something. 

Looking up at the shelf, you look back down at him with a smile. “A history guy, hm?”

No.

“Yeah.”

You giggle. “I always had a thing for History.”

He knows. 

“Really?”

“Mhmm.” You respond with a grin. 

Specifically Ancient Rome. He knows. 

You continue. “Specifically Ancient Rome.”

Chan nods and clears his throat. His palms feel so sweaty. His chest is almost panting. Every single cell in his body just wants to lunge forward and wrap you in a hug. 

He wants to bury his face in your neck and sob while you hold him. He wants to tell you that he missed you so much. He wants to tell you how your pillow is losing the scent of your shampoo. He wants to tell you that he’s been DVR-ing your favorite show so that you can watch it later. He wants to tell you about his day. He wants to kiss you until you’re breathless. He wants you to hear the new song he’s been working on.

But—

“If you need anything, let me know.”

You start to walk away.

Chan feels his heart physically break. It’s happening again. He’s on the other side of that one way mirror. It’s happening again! No, no please. 

His eyes widen, the words get caught in his throat. Fuck, Y/N, please!

“W-Wait!” he says quickly. 

You turn around with a curious look. 

“The Odyssey,” he blurts. “Where uh… where can I find it?”

Your eyes light up. “Oh, I love The Odyssey.”

He knows. You collect different translations of it. 

“I collect different translations of that book, here I’ll show you where it is.”

With a little hop in your step you lead him towards all the classics. 

He watches you like you’re an oasis in the desert— maybe it’s because you are. You’re what he’s been crawling towards for two months. 

You lead him all the way to the shelf where the Odyssey lives. Your nimble fingers reach forward and grab one of the copies. 

Green nail polish. You still paint your nails green. You picked that habit up a year after he met you. 

The memories have to be there, Y/N, they have to be. Chan bought you that first bottle of green nail polish as a joke on Saint Patrick’s Day. 

Y/N, please. 

“This translation is my favorite,” you whisper and hand him the book. 

Chan smiles sadly and takes the book from you, unable to meet your eyes. He knows if he gazes into those gorgeous eyes that he’ll lose it. He’ll fall to his knees and cry. 

“Thank you,” he whispers back. 

You stand there for a moment, he can feel your eyes on his face. He always has been able to tell when you were looking at him, it’s a little, secret superpower. 

From foot to foot, your weight shifts. 

You only do that when you’re confused. Why are you confused? Y/N, are you confused?

“I’m sorry…” you start, sounding so unsure. “You remind me of someone…”

It feels like a defibrillator was hooked up to his chest. Chan’s eyes widen and he finally looks up at you. 

You’re looking at him so carefully. He can see the gears turning in your head. Your tongue pokes out of your lips and wets them. 

Y/N, please. 

“I just… I can’t figure out who. Do I… do I know you? I was—” You stop yourself. 

Fuck. Fuck! What was he supposed to say? Fuck! 

Chan wants to scream. He wants to grab you by the shoulders and cry that he’s your soulmate, that he’s the person that knows you better than anyone else in this world. 

Yes, you do, you do know him. And he knows you. He knows how you take your coffee, what movies make you cry, what color jell-o is your favorite. 

He knows that you never wear matching socks and you always lift your feet when driving over railroad tracks. 

He knows that when you were 6 you ran into the corner of a cabinet and that’s how you got that scar next to your eyebrow. 

Chan knows that your entire life you wanted to be an author but you’re so scared of failure that you decided not to chase after it. 

He knows everything. 

“I just have one of those faces, I guess.” It comes out of his mouth so strained. 

You stare back at him so carefully. Do you see right through him?

“Maybe,” you say slowly. You don’t believe him. He knows that tone. You absolutely do not believe a word he’s saying. “Are you sure?”

Chan swallows, he grips the book in his hand tighter. The lump in his throat almost doesn’t go down, more tears prick at his eyes. 

“I would never forget a face like yours,” he chokes out. 

Your eyes widen and you blush, looking to the side with a smile. You always were a sucker for cheesy compliments. 

After thinking for a second, you reach into your pocket and take out a little slip of paper. 

“Here,” you say after scribbling something down. Holding it out, Chan sees it’s your phone number. He has it memorized. “If you ever need more books to read… or find… call me.”

Chan takes the paper with a racing heart. He gives you a smile, his dimples showing. “I think I will,” he whispers to you. 

Another few moments pass of you just staring at him before you nod and giggle nervously. “Well, I gotta get back to work, so..”

Chan nods and moves to the side. You walk past him. 

Your perfume curls around him like a blanket and he craves that sweet serenity he finds when he holds you close and breathes you in. 

Three steps after you pass him, you turn around. “Oh, I didn’t catch your name.”.

“Chan,” he answers softly. 

“Chan,” you repeat. It goes right through him. 

Your voice. Your sweet, beautiful, melodic voice. Finally, he heard you say his name again.

“I’m Y/N,” you whisper to him with a friendly smile. 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Chan has to physically force the word ‘meet’ out of his mouth. 

“You too, Chan.”

And with that, you were gone, retreating back into your fortress of papyrus. 

—————————————————————

A bad idea was going into the library that day. 

An even worse idea was texting you the day after to ask how your day is going. 

And then an absolutely fucking idiotic move was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with him. 

And the worst part? You said yes. 

So, now here Chan was, standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom getting ready for what you thought was a first date, but to him was just a dinner date. 

How is he supposed to do this? He’s not, that’s how. 

Chan fiddles with his bracelet right before his phone rings. 

His heart drops when he sees the caller ID, your mother. 

“Ah, fuck…” he whispers before grabbing his phone. Of course you were going to tell your mom, you tell your mom everything. 

“Hello?” he asks warily into the phone. 

“Hi, Chan,” she says slowly, she sounds nervous, why does she sound nervous. 

“How are you? Is everything okay?”

“It’s Y/N…” Her voice lowers. Chan’s heart drops. “Before you panic, she’s okay! It’s um.. she’s getting ready right now… for a date…”

Chan isn’t moving. Yes, he knows you are. He knows it. But words won’t form in his mouth. 

“Channie.. I’m starting to wonder if that doctor isn’t right.. I can’t stand the thought of her finding someone else when you’re waiting for her… I tried to talk her out of it but she just seems so floaty and happy. God, I feel sick to my stomach.”

His jaw clenches. Now or never. 

“It’s with me,” he blurts. 

Your mom goes silent. Then a huge sigh comes out of her mouth. 

“I wish I could say I’m angry,” a little laugh follows it. “I think I’m only angry that you didn’t say something.”

He tells her everything, down to the way he pretended not to know you. 

“Well, you’re going to have to tell her eventually.” Your mom sounds unsure, herself. 

“Or maybe she’ll remember me.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

Chan sits down on the edge of his bed. His eyes are staring at the wall, unfocused. 

She’s right. What if you don’t? 

“Then, I’ll just … do it all again.”

Silence greets him on the other side of the line. Another tiny laugh comes from your mom. “I always knew you two were perfect together. Just like two magnets, you always come towards one another.”

—————————————————————

“I’ve never eaten here before,” you say with a chipper smile on your face from across the table. 

Yes, you have. 

“Really?” Chan asks, taking a sip of his water. 

“I pass it all the time and always wondered how the food was.”

He looks back down at the old menu. 

This restaurant was more than special to him. It’s where he took you on your first date. It’s an old fashioned burger joint with the greasiest, most delicious French fries in town. 

The first time you guys came here, you talked and talked until the place closed. And even after that, you drove around and talked until it was late. 

“I’ve been here a few times, it’s really good. The milkshakes are some of the best I’ve ever had.” Chan’s sweaty hands fiddle with the menu. 

He’s more nervous now than on the first date. 

“What’s the best one?” you ask with a smile. 

A small laugh comes out of his nose. “The peanut butter one.”

It was your favorite. 

“Yeah but then you can’t have any,” you say so nonchalantly, looking down at the menu. 

His eyebrows knit together. “What?”

“‘Cause of your allergy.”

He stops. 

You stop. 

He has a peanut allergy. Chan has a peanut allergy. 

His lips purse like he’s going to say something but you beat him to the punch. 

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out. “I… I don’t know why I thought that.” Your hands grip the menu a little tighter. “Maybe I’m thinking of someone else?”

Chan shakes his head. “No, no, it’s okay. I… I do have a peanut allergy. Maybe I said something before?”

You stare at him for a long second before looking back down at the menu once more. “Yeah… um. Maybe.”

He definitely did not say something. 

Dinner continues on. Chan listens to you talk and pretends he’s never heard your stories before and he tells you ones he knows he’s said before. 

The entire time, you were beaming at him, just like you used to before the accident. Your face never loses its constant happy glow. He’s not sure that the muscles in your face know how to frown.  

You’re the last two people in the restaurant. The staff doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe they recognize you both. Maybe. 

A lull dips into your conversation. Both of you know you should leave. Neither wants to. Especially the broken man sitting across from you. 

Chan takes the last sip of his drink. The bill has been paid for about an hour at this point. You’re looking down at your lap with a pink flush on your cheeks. 

You bite your lip and look up at Chan carefully. 

“Are you… are you sure I don’t know you, Chan?”

He stares at you. Did you know that you always bite your lip like that when you’re confused? 

“I just… I really feel like I know you. There’s just…” you pause, trying to find your words. He knows you want to tell him about the accident. He knows you want to say it but you don’t want to weird him out. 

What the fuck is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to tell you? 

“Something happened to me a little while ago, my brain’s been… fuzzy since then,” you explain shyly. “I know you said you don’t know me but I just… I can’t help feel like that’s not true.”

Chan’s jaw clenches, his knee bounces anxiously underneath the table. His head turns to the side in his typical nervous tick. 

Your mother’s words echo in his mind, his tongue suddenly feels like it’s swelling to the size of his mouth— making him unable to speak. Should he tell you? Is it now or never?

“I don’t mean to make it weird, Chan.”

He licks his lips and opens his mouth. 

Your phone rings. 

A sigh of relief comes from deep within Chan’s chest. 

Reluctantly, you pick up the phone and hold it to your ear. “Hello? …. No, I didn’t know…. Yeah, of course…. Sure… Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Just as quickly as you answered the phone, you hang up. 

“Sorry,” you mumble. “Someone called out of work for tomorrow, they need me to come in.”

“Do you need to get going?” Chan asks, looking down at the time. It’s well past 10 o’clock. 

A sad smile crosses your face. “I mean… probably.” The time on your watch flashes back at you. He can tell you don’t want to go home yet. 

“Come on, Y/N, I’ll walk you home.”

Chan’s already standing up from the table, picking his jacket up off the back of his chair. You watch his movements and slowly get up, your movements screaming reluctance. 

—————————————————————

It’s three dates later when the two of you are walking down the street towards your house. It’s only a few blocks from here, but you both decide to take a tiny detour through the local park. 

“I have to say I’m a little excited to meet your friends,” you giggle. “I hope that’s not weird.”

You already have. 

“It’s not weird at all. I’m sure they’d like you.” Chan nudges your arm with his elbow, his hands staying in his pocket. 

“Changbin sounds like a blast.”

He was your favorite before.

“The two of you…” Chan thinks over his words carefully. “The two of you would definitely cause some mischief.”

And you have. 

A tiny lull of comfortable silence falls over the conversation. 

Both of you meander towards the swings. A cold wind blows through the air but neither of you react to it. 

With a tiny giggle, you sit down on one of the swings and hold onto the chains on the side. 

You are just so… you. You’re just your authentic self. Amnesia or not, you haven’t changed a bit. It’s so charming.

“I can’t remember the last time I went on the swings.” You start to move your body back and forth, not too much but enough to get the tiny thrill the toy brings. 

Chan walks up and stands next to you, his hand coming out and grabbing at the chain of the swing next to yours. 

The brightest smile stretches over your face. 

God, it really doesn’t take a lot to make you smile, does it? He guesses that means it doesn’t take a lot for him either since he smiles when you do.

He can’t help it.

He watches you move back and forth, the cold breeze kicking up a bit more and blowing dead leaves across the sidewalk. 

“What’s wrong, Chan? Allergic to swings?” you tease. 

He rolls his eyes with a smirk. “No, I just far more enjoy watching you have fun.”

Your cheeks flush. If he didn’t know you, maybe he would’ve chocked it up to the cold. But he knows the difference between your blush and the elements now. 

“You’re a smooth talker, Bang Chan.”

“It comes easy with you, Y/N L/N.”

Another laugh from you. 

“Shameless flirt.”

He puts his hand on his chest in mock hurt. “Ouch! I just speak the truth, that’s all. Not my fault I like seeing you blush.”

Every word that comes out of his mouth feels so natural. If he really thinks about it, he’s in a weirdly unique situation. Not many couples get to start over, to feel those butterflies again. But here he is, his palms starting to get sweaty as he imagines kissing you. 

Would you call it a first kiss? Maybe. 

It has been four dates. It wouldn’t be.. inappropriate to kiss you, would it? The two of you kissed on your third date a few years ago. 

He wants to kiss you so bad. 

Should he? Shouldn’t he? God, why is this so hard?

Chan reaches out and grabs the chain of your swing, pulling it to a very gentle stop. 

“Uh oh, fun police,” you tease and look up at him with a grin. 

Looking down at you, Chan allows his eyes to look over every detail of your face that he already had memorized. You haven’t changed at all except the new scar on the side of your forehead from the accident. 

It’s the same eyes, same nose, same chin that he fell in love with so long ago. 

The same asymmetrical eyes that you’re so self conscious of but he loves. Your hair is wind blown and splayed every which way. It adds a childish charm to your features. 

Very carefully, Chan moves his free hand down to cup your cheek. His warm palm soothes your ice cold face. He hears your breath catch in your throat at his touch. 

His thumb swipes over your cheek, fingertips run down the soft lines of your jawline. Eventually his thumb ends up under your chin which he tilts up. 

Your eyes sparkle. They somehow capture the light of the lamps around the playground. But they’ve always done that. 

You’re always so enchanting.

Is this a good idea? 

Is kissing you the best option? 

But does he even have the strength to stop himself now?

Almost three months without feeling your lips on his has been torture, and here he is, with you in his hands and there’s still this nagging feeling that he should stop. 

One look into your eyes quells that anxiety. 

Your eyes keep flickering down to his own lips, the shaky breath you let out is hot against his fingers. Everything feels warmer compared to the air outside. 

He can’t take it anymore. 

Chan leans down and presses his lips to yours. They’re warm and slightly chapped.

But, my god, he’s never felt anything this heavenly before. It’s like his entire body unwinds. Like a fire was lit inside his stomach. 

He moves his hand to the back of your head and keeps your lips pressed against his. Your head tilts to the side slightly. It’s just like he remembers. 

It’s just the first kiss, he can’t let himself get carried away. He can’t. 

He can’t let his fingers wind through your hair. He can’t melt into your touch on his cheek. He can’t let himself drown in your lips. 

But he is. 

He’s letting you consume his very soul in one kiss. 

How can something feel so healing yet hurt so badly at the same time? It’s like you’re ripping open a wound and bandaging it at the same time. 

No matter how hard he tries, he can’t bring his lips away from yours. Your hand slides down to caress his jawline with those soft, manicured fingers. 

Your lips open and close over his like mirror images. The feeling shoots straight down into Chan’s gut. It’s like the first time for him all over again. 

Those butterflies are going insane in his stomach. Your scent kicks up in the wind and he can’t help but take a large breath through his nose. 

God, he can’t stop himself. It feels too good. 

His hand moves from the back of your hair to cup your cheek and bring you closer. 

He immediately stops. 

Why is your face wet?

Chan pulls away from the kiss and looks down at you with concern written all over his expression. 

You’re crying. Why … why are you crying?

Your eyes open and you look at him confused. 

“Chan?” you whisper. You’re confused too. What?

“Why are you crying, Y/N?” he asks with a thick voice.

Your eyes widen and your own hand comes up to swipe at your cheeks. Sure enough, you’re met with tears. 

“I… I don’t know,” you say so quietly. “I-I’m not sure.”

Chan starts backing away, your eyes snap to focus on his. Your hand shoots up to grab at his to keep him there. You’re still so confused. 

Emotions are flying through your eyes. It almost looks like someone is clicking a light switch on and off in the back of your mind. A lightbulb is flickering in your soul like a dying neon sign in an old shop window. 

Every muscle in your face is twitching.

What’s happening?

“Channie—“ your own voice cuts off by a sob. 

Chan’s heart jumpstarts. You haven’t called him that… not in two months… that’s what you and your mother called him before the accident. 

Are you…? Are you remembering? What’s happening?

Please. 

Slowly, your hand falls from his. 

Chan stays there, unmoving like a statue. What’s happening inside your mind right now? It looks like you’re reaching and reaching for something that you can’t quite put your finger on. 

He's watching you struggle. It’s like when you can’t remember a word. It’s right there. It’s on the tip of your tongue.

You gulp, your eyes leave his and you look down at your lap. The dirt crunches under your feet as you shuffle your shoes around.

Chan swipes his thumb over your cheek, brushing away the tears. He’s biting back his own. 

“It’s okay—“ “I’m sorry—“ are both said at the exact same time. 

He knew it was coming. He knows you. But you don’t know him. Not anymore. 

But you do.

“It wasn’t the kiss. I—“ 

“It’s okay, Y/N.”

You know him. 

“Chan, I really loved the kiss.”

Chan. Not Channie. 

He brushes his thumb over your lips. “It’s okay,” he repeats gently. “You don’t have to explain.”

His other hand comes up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Your eyes slide shut at the sensation. 

Your bottom lip quivers and you pull it into your mouth and bite it. With a tight swallow, your throat bobs. 

“It happens sometimes,” you whisper. “It’s from the accident I had.”

Chan continues to soothingly rub your skin with his thumb. Slowly, he kneels down to be in front of you rather than leaning over. 

The dirt is cold on his knee. It seeps through the fabric of his pants. He couldn’t care less. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he whispers back to you. 

You shake your head gently, your hands folding in your lap. “No, no. I… I want to tell you. I need to tell you. It’s been happening more and more whenever I’m around you. It’s like every touch, every word you say bounces around my brain and makes me feel the worst case of deja vu.

“Every time I’m with you I feel like I’m trying to recall a dream I had last night but I just can’t remember what it was.”

You’re rambling. You only ramble when you’re overwhelmed and scared. 

“Chan, every time I’m with you it feels like some part of me is screaming to be let out.”

Your eyes open and you stare right through him. Chan feels his heart squeeze and almost stop completely. Despite your best efforts, the tears keep coming. 

“I was in a car accident a few months ago. I had such a severe concussion that I lost the last five years of my memory.” 

How is your voice so even?

Chan’s jaw clenches. Fuck fuck fuck. 

He knows. Yes, Y/N. He knows. Fuck, does he know! If anyone fucking knows, it’s him. 

“I—“ he starts but you cut him off. 

“Please,” you choke out and take a deep breath. “And since then I’ve been getting bits and pieces of my memory back. Sometimes they’re in large chunks, other times they just … come back.

“When I try to think about my life before the accident. There’s this… person there. Someone important. Someone so, so important that it physically hurts me to think about how I don’t know who it is. They’re a constant. And I love that they’re a constant.”

Your hand comes up to clutch at your jacket right over your chest. 

More tears come out of your eyes. The whites get more pink the more they flow. 

“But I know them. I do! I know them like I know the back of my hand. I-I know they love music. I know they take milk and sugar in their morning coffee. I know they don’t get enough sleep at night.”

Louder and louder your voice gets as you grow sadder and sadder. The sobs between thoughts wrack your chest. 

Him. You’re talking about him. 

Chan’s hands hold your face gently. His thumbs can’t keep up with how much you’re crying. 

Nothing has ever hurt this bad. 

You know him. You just don’t know it’s him. 

Nevertheless, you continue. “I remember that they have the most obnoxious phone alarm in the morning. I remember the passcode to their phone is 032518. I know that they have this one black sweatshirt that I love to steal even though it’s their favorite.”

Chan’s own eyes begin watering, he can’t stop it. You know him. You know him. You’ve remembered him this whole time and you didn’t even know it. 

You reach up and grab one of his hands and place it on your heart. Underneath your jacket, he can feel your heartbeat thudding violently against your chest. 

That same heartbeat he’s been dying to listen to while you play with his hair and tell him about your day. The heartbeat he would give anything to hear as he falls asleep. His throat gets tighter and tighter. 

“I’ve been surrounded by bits and pieces of a ghost and no one wants to help me. No one will tell me anything, and I’m so confused, Chan. I can tell that there’s something that everyone is avoiding telling me.”

A gust of wind picks up through the playground. It nips at his cheeks. It’s now he realizes how many tears are falling. 

A sob tears from his throat. 

You grip his hand tighter. 

“Tell me It’s you, Chan.” You’re begging. You’re actually begging while keeping his hand pressed against your heartbeat. 

“Tell me that you’re the person that I see in my dreams. Tell me you’re the one that loves when I draw hearts on the bathroom mirror after I shower. Please tell me that you’re the one that loves the smell of lemon cookies but can’t stand the taste.”

Oh, god, Y/N.

“Tell me that you’re the one that wanted to pick me up from the party that night but I said no.”

He breaks. 

He breaks right down in front of you. Every single ounce of self control leaves his body and he grabs you out of the swing, yanking you towards his body and holding you against his chest. The emotions that were being kept at bay come out like a raging storm. 

He falls backwards into the dirt, you come crashing into him. Your arms wrap around him at the same time he wraps around you. 

Chan buries his face in your neck, one hand on the back of your head and the other firmly around your waist. 

Wails leave his mouth as he holds you to him. They’re deep and come from the very depths of his soul. The wound that’s been open for months is bleeding.  

Every lonely night. Every dinner where he cooked for two instead of one by accident. Every long day he came back to an empty apartment. It’s all coming out. 

You’re crying just as hard as he is, both of your hands gripping the back of his hoodie like a lifeline. 

Your body in his arms is like a piece of a puzzle. Like he’s the dusty one sitting on his dining room table and you finally came in and finished it. 

Weeks and weeks of grief come crashing down on him. He can’t lie anymore. Not to you. Never to you. 

“It is me,” he cries into your neck, his hand running over the back of your head, feeling your hair slip through his fingers. It’s just like he remembers. “It’s all me, Y/N, It’s me.”

Your cries get louder, your body starts shaking in his arms. 

“I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he cries harder. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much. I missed my girl. Oh my god, I’ve missed you.”

Chan can’t pull you close enough, he can’t get you close enough to his body. You shift around and press yourself into him. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry I didn’t pick you up that night. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry you got hurt.” 

Every ounce of grief is surfacing and clawing its way out of his throat. 

“I’m sorry I had to lie to you these last two weeks. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was so broken without you. I broke the doctor’s orders. I needed to see you, Y/N.”

Despite how hard he has you gripped against him, you manage to pull away slightly. You sit up in his lap and look down at his red, tear soaked face. His eyes are puffy and his chest is sputtering with sobs. 

Both of your hands cup his cheeks and swipe away the tears the same way he did for you only a small bit ago. There’s a sad smile on your face. 

“Please don’t apologize, Channie, it’s okay. I forgive you.”

Channie. You called him Channie.

He cries harder and buries his face into your chest. Your arms immediately come around him and keep him there, fingers threading into his hair. 

You’re still crying. Both of you are. 

“I know you were just doing what you were told to,” you whisper into his hair. He can hear your voice reverberate in your chest. 

All he can do is cry. 

Months of build up led to this moment. Endless days of going through the motions just for the next to be as dull and tedious led to him falling into you in the middle of a playground at night. 

The only thing you do after that is hold him. You press kisses to the top of his head and whisper that you forgive him over and over. 

Each one adds a stitch to the wound, shutting it.

You’re finally in his arms. You’re finally back where you belong. 

“I missed you,” he says again, his cries dying down. He doesn't know what else to say. There's so much he wants to tell you, but everything dies on the tip of his tongue.

“I missed you too, Channie. My heart missed you so much.”

He sniffles and looks up at you. You pull your sweatshirt sleeve up and wipe away his stray tears gently. 

“Every day it just felt like something was missing. It was you. You were missing.”

Chan can’t find any words to say. He just stares at you. 

"I don't care how long it takes to remember, or even if I never do. I need you by my side for it, Chan."

His eyes sparkle at you for a moment but he leans up and captures your lips with his once more. It feels even better than the previous one.

The two of you relish in the contact, holding each other close and clinging to the closeness of it all.

It's taking everything within Chan not to start crying again. He's worried than any moment now, he'll wake up and this will all be some cruel dream.

But when you pull away from his lips, and he opens his eyes-- you're still there. You're still in his arms and smiling at him like you always did.

The burn is soothed.

“If you think about it,” you start with a tiny smile. “We’re lucky— in a way.”

His entire face screws up, even more confused. “Lucky?”

“How many people get to say they fell in love with the same person twice?”

Chan blinks twice before it feels like his entire body thaws. 

You and your glass half full attitude. He’ll never fucking get enough of it. 

His arms wrap around you again, bringing you down into his chest. You let out a breathy giggle 

“You’re never leaving my sight,” he breathes out. “Never again, baby, never.”

“I don’t ever want to, Channie. I never will.”

[sxcret-garden]

NCT Dream getting pussy drunk [M]

ღ NCT Dream all members x fem-bodied!reader ღ genre: smut reaction ღ warnings: none

Author’s note: idk, i just had this idea last night and it had to get out askldöfjkdas

Mark:

doesn't get pussy drunk all the time, but when he does, it happens quickly

it's more likely when he's actually drunk

like that one time you're sitting on his face, your front facing his body, and the second he dips his tongue into you you can see the bulge in his pants growing

a few more licks and this guy is almost fully hard, that's how much it affects him sometimes

has his hands all over you as far as he can reach - like he just got that much more needy

hums at your taste and could cum from that alone, while he's desperate to figure out where to best hold onto you

has you falling apart on top of him eventually, and will get even more eager with his face still burried in your pussy if you start getting him off too

he's whining at all the sensations coursing through his body now, and you bet this guy is gonna cum within a minute

but even then he still needs to taste you, so you can be sure he won't be satisfied until he's made you cum a few more times

Renjun:

doesn't get pussy drunk easily, so when it happens for the first time he's so embarrassed afterwards???

like he does not know how to process the way he acted when he felt this carnal need to taste you more overtake him and cloud his mind

does everything in his might for just one more lick, and if you're feeling playful this might just be the best chance you could get to make him beg

he seems like a completely different person all of a sudden, grabbing onto you desperately and wanting nothing more than to bury his head between your legs

pure ecstasy running through his veins when he feels you clench around his tongue, almost crushing him in between your thighs when your high crashes down on you

he can't think straight at this point, all he knows is he needs more, and he needs it now

Jeno:

he just will not let you go when he gets pussy drunk, whether you're lying beneath him or are on top of him, riding his face

this guy holds you close with all his strength because he might just get addicted to the way it feels when you cum on his tongue

and maybe you should be grateful at this point that he doesn't get pussy drunk all that often, because you're in for an intense ride

loves the power he has over you when he overstimulates you, and will only give you space to breathe when it's apparent it's getting too much for you to handle

otherwise he'll just keep going, his tongue greedily fucking one orgasm after the other out of you until you're nothing but a whiny, shaking mess

though once it dawns on him what kind of state he just put you in, he'll suddenly become very soft, and he'll make sure to give you all the aftercare you could ever want

Haechan:

gets pussy drunk so easily, it happens almost every time he eats you out

like this guy just can't get enough of you, and there's just something about him having his face buried between your legs and your taste on his tongue that drives him crazy instantly

but most of the time he won't make sure you can't escape him, he might whine a little, but otherwise he'll just hope you'll let him have his fun for as long as possible

really he just wants to please you, and your taste drives him insane - he's way too in the moment to think about what may or may not happen even a second from now

and it just makes him soooo horny too

if you let him he will certainly start touching himself too while eating you out, but he won't permit himself to cum before you aren't 110% satisfied first

Jaemin:

I'm convinced this guy gets drunk on you in general, so imagine what it'd be like if he's pussy drunk on top of that

this is definitely gonna trigger both a very caring and a very possessive side of him so you're in for a ride...

gets pussy drunk fairly often though, so he's learned to keep himself in check most of the time

intense eye contact as he eats you out, his hands on your hips to keep you in place

he takes pride in knowing he can drive you crazy with just his tongue, though he will eventually add his fingers too to get you from one orgasm to the other

so soft when he lets you rest in between, asking if you're okay and if you want more (no matter how much he needs to taste you more, he won't rush into more than you can handle)

and then when you give him the okay he's eating you out like there's no tomorrow

starts slow and builds up his pace just right, because this guy has spent countless nights studying your reactions to everything he does to you to make sure he makes you feel as good as he possibly can

Chenle:

doesn't get pussy drunk all that often actually

but when it happens you will know

strikes me as the type who has fun teasing you and getting a little rough with you, so usually he'll make sure to keep you in place as he gives you the bare minimum just so he can get the gratification of hearing you beg for him

so when he suddenly goes super soft after finally letting you cum on his tongue you don't know what's going on for a second???

until you see the look on his face and hear him asking you if you want more in the most caring tone ever

it's clear a switch inside him flicked, and now all he wants to do is please you and take care of you, all thoughts of teasing you long gone

that doesn't mean he won't have you seeing stars in no time - he still knows what he's doing and he's doing it well

it's just that instead of being a little shit, he'll simply continue eating you out until you're a shaking mess underneath him, however long it'll take him

Jisung:

gets pussy drunk so quickly, he won't even know that he is when it first happens??

all he knows is that you taste so so good and he could spend forever eating you out and-

it'll dawn on him only wayyy later what just happened, unless you point it out to him

will simply keep going when he's reached that state, following only his urge to taste you more

is gonna make you cum on his tongue and then immediately continue - only when you start squirming and whining from the overstimulation does he stop for a moment

checks in on you, and when you tell him to slow down, he's trying, he's really trying, but you just taste so good, how could he not become a little greedy?

only when you suggest riding his face instead, so you could control the pace better, does the overstimulation fade into pure bliss

and this guy here too couldn't be happier, like he's just in heaven the entire time, wanting nothing more than to eat you out forever

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

One of my favorite Wangxian moments, and one of the hottest in my opinion, is from the extras. And no, it's not one of those scenes from the extras.

It's in the Family Banquet chapter. Wei Wuxian has been permitted to attend the Lan family banquet and has been served a bitter medicinal soup that he struggles to drink. In a stealthy move, Lan Wangji swaps out his own empty bowl and takes Wei Wuxian's full one to finish it for him. Once Wei Wuxian realizes what's happened he does the following:

Wei Wuxian knew Lan Wangji would not miss a single movement he made, no matter how polite his line of sight might seem to onlookers. He raised the cup as though he was about to drink from it, then turned it in his hand and stopped at the spot from which Lan Wangji had just drunk. He then covered the edge of the cup with his lips.

The reaction was as he had anticipated: although Lan Wangji’s hands remained properly placed on his legs, his fingers curled slightly beneath his white sleeves.

Hot.

[ephemeraltea]

it's weird to look back at childhood memories and realize that, yeah, actually, dad was probably high or crossfading

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"WILLIAM RENTON WAS FINED $500," Hamilton Spectator. May 14, 1912. Page 16. --- Court Established Record in Liquor Case ---- Alfred Whitwell Paid $100 on Similar Charge ---- Bert Gotlieb Sent to Kingston For Three Years ---- Probably the stiffest fine that was ever imposed in a liquor action in Hamilton was registered against Wm. Henton at the police court this morning, the magistrate fining him $500. Renton is the proprietor of the Halfway house, a local option hostelry on the Dundas road, Last Sunday after noon, Inspector Sturdy, Chief Clark, of Qundas, and two provincial liquor detectives started out to round up the many "blind pigs which were known to flourish in the county. Renton's place was the first to be visited by the officers, and although Mrs. Renton vigorously denied that there was any "damp joy" in the place, a search instituted by the visitors resulted in a small brewers being brought to light, namely, 110 bottles of beer, 3 bottles of Imperial whisky, 1 bottle of malt, 1 bottle of port wine, 1 jug containing several gallons of wine and a large jar containing a quantity of amber liquid of doubtful blend.

Renton did not put in an appearance this morning, but instead was represented by J. McKenna, of the law firm of Bruce, Bruce & Counselt Mr. McKenna had been instructed to ask for a remand until Thursday, to give Renton time to secure witnesses, but the magistrate would not grant the adjournment, and Mr. McKenna pleaded guilty for him. At the last session of parliament, the statutes governing the liquor by laws were subjected to a change, it being found that the maximum fine of $200 was insufficient to put a stop to men selling liquor without a license. The maximum fine for second offenses was raised to $500 and the minimum fine $200. Renton was convicted of a similar offense in 1909, and it is interesting to note that he is the first to be given the maximum fine in Ontario since the statutes were passed. If the fine is not paid, Renton will go to jail for three months, and a warrant has been issued for his apprehension, to make sure that he will either pay the fine or go to jail.

ANOTHER FINED $100 Alfred Whitwell, proprietor of a grocery store on the mountain top, a short distance from the east end incline, whose place was also raided by the officers on Saturday afternoon, pleaded guilty to selling liquor without a license, and a fine of $100 was imposed, it being Whitwell's first offense. One hundred and seventeen bottles of lager were discovered on tap at the grocery store.

"This ought to be a lesson to you, Whitwell. The law is very strict in cases of this kind, and if you appear before me again on a similar charge a fine of $500 will be imposed," said his worship.

The Bay View hotel owned by Michael Ryan, and County Constable Joe Sinclair's hotel at Aldershot were also raided by the officers and a quantity of booze found, but these cases are not of the magistrate's jurisdiction, and the men will appear before Mayor Woodhouse at Dundas to-morrow morning

ADJOURNED AGAIN The perjury charge, for which Edward Matthews is on trial on the complaint J. Bidweil Mills, was to have been proceeded with this morning, bat the court room was very cold, and his worship did not care to wit through the lengthy case and shiver to death. An adjournment was made in the case until next Tuesday morning, at 10 o'clock when it is expected that the case will be finished.

FINED FIVE Frederick Holland, 188 Mary street, but a youth, but according to Constable Milne he was carrying a "full- grown" slant last evening.

Henry B. Currier told the court that Holland stepped out of a doorway and tapped him between the eyes. As a result his spectacles were broken. beyond repair.

Currier placed the value of the glasses at $5. It was just double this amount that Holland slipped to the cashier.

SOME WARBLERS Wilfrid Henderson, Robert Watts, Henry Hincheliffe and Henry Henderson were each fined for being disorderly on James street north.

Three constables and a sergeant fell in line and parading to the throne they fold the court the four young men were splitting the atmosphere with the latest song hits at an hour this morning when the majority of humans are flirting with sweet, sweet slumber.

ANOTHER CHANCE Samuel Graif, 281 Bay street north, became the proud possessor of a horse and wagon a few days ago. When he started in the "peddling" profession he neglected to call on Inspector Brick and purchase a license, and a constable presented him with an invitation to the King William street "at-home" this morning.

He had not been in the country long, and his worship allowed him to go on the condition that he hit the trail for the license office and purchase the required paper.

THIS ONE CUSSED Constable Oliver tilted his helmet back from his feverish brow and shyly whispered to his worship that "naughty" words flowed from the lips of Gordon Nelson like beer from a bung-hole. Five dollars fluttered from Nelson's roll and the court cashier smiled happily as he toyed with the "green stuff."

FALSE PRETENCES Alexander Stuart, whose home is in Toronto, was brought to this city by Detective Bleakley yesterday afternoon to face a charge of obtaining money under false pretences. Harry O'Connor, a commercial traveler, told the police that Stuart tendered him a check for $10, which the latter discovered to be worthless, O'Connor is a Toronto man and the magistrate ordered that Stuart be sent back to that city to face trial. Stuart pleaded not guilty.

THREE YEARS. "When a boy's mother tails me that the best thing to do to him is to send him to jail, you can take it for granted that the boy is bad. Gotileb, you are sentenced to Kingston penitentiary for a term of three years."

With tears streaming down his cheeks, Bert Gotileb [pictured] heard the sentence of the court passed upon him. "Please give me another chance," sobbed the youth, as a burly police-man touched him on the shoulder and prepared to lead him over the bridge.

"No. I am doing this for your own good. I am giving you a chance to learn a trade," replied his worship. Gotlleb is the young lad who pleaded guilty to the theft of a gold watch and a number of fountain pens from Nelson Wood about a week ago.

At the time of his arrest, three revolvers and a package of cartridges were discovered in his possession.

The young lad's case in a most pathetic one. Both of his parents are deaf-mutes. To a constable the lad admitted that he got his desire to steal from dime novels.

[Gotlieb's mother wrote the paper the next day to protest that she had nothing to do with the demand for prison time - this was her husband's demand - and neither thought he should go to the penitentiary given his young age. Gotlieb was 17 at the time, one of the youngest individuals sentenced to such a term in 1912. Despite some protest in Hamilton, Toronto, and Kingston, he was kept at the penitentiary for almost his whole term. He was convict #F-390 and worked in a number of jobs in prison He was reported for bad language and impertinence to guards in May 1912, August, September, and November, losing remission totally 7 days. He was reported again in August 1914. He was paroled in late 1914.]