#personally i like big dick man (anakin)

[mcondance]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8rNc1Xm/

idk bout this one friend 🙁

[dearanakin]

trust you | anakin skywalker: episode VI

Summary: You and Anakin have been paired to attend an event on the Jedi Temple, all because Poe Dameron insisted. The Jedi seems unprepared for the outcome of being in the spotlight, and you're faced with his vulnerabilities for the first time. (Ps: This is exactly how I imagine him during a specific scene from this chapter 🥺)

Warnings: vulgar language (as always), panic attack

Word count: 4.8k

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Anakin:

As soon as we landed on Coruscant, we were all warmly welcomed by every person who had been waiting for us to come back from our mission. We were greeted by the engineers, other Jedi and even a few Droids, which celebrated Artoo's return as well.

I tried my best to not cringe at every hug or every handshake someone pulled at me, but I didn't want to look like a dick any more than I already do. So, I just nodded and gave them a smile before heading towards Luke and C-3PO who were waiting for me expectantly.

I rushed to my son, and he quickly pulled himself at me and wrapped his legs around my waist, slightly squeezing me with his small arms. "Hey, bud. It's good to see you".

Luke pulls back and looks at me with a big smile and I see how his big blue eyes sparkle with happiness. "You're back, dad. I wanna know everything. Did you fight the bad man? Did you shoot him? Did they die?".

His bombardment made me laugh as I shook my head from the amused remarks he made. I pull him back for another hug and feel him clinging to my neck, I could feel his energy seeping through my body. It made me feel immediately relieved from being back again.

Luke drops himself from my grip and holds my hand, looking back at the commotion that was still happening in the hangar. People were cheering for (Y/N) and Cal, exchanging hugs as Poe watched with his arms crossed against his chest. He's not really well known around the Temple, but he nods with a grin when people compliment and greet him.

I feel the little boy giving my hand a squeeze, making my eyes dart to him. "Can I go hug Miss (Y/N)? I've heard she was on the mission as well".

My throat suddenly tightened and I tried too hard to swallow. I keep looking at him like it was a hard decision to make. It didn't strike me that he would like to welcome her at all. Not after telling him many times he shouldn't be too close to anyone I didn't trust. And matter-of-factly, the little bastard loves to do the opposite as I say sometimes. My face falters and I give him an apologetic look.

"But dad, everyone is hugging her. I wanna give her a hug too!" His words stung, they felt like a stab on an open wound.

"They're all friends, buddy. We're not her friends, remember?" I crouch down to his level, trying to reason as my hand rests over his shoulder. Luke frowns over my words and Goodness Sake, I swear I can see disappointment.

"That's because you don't want me to be friends with her. I already told you she's nice to me!" He shoots an angry glare at me and diverts from my grip. Seconds later, he's running towards the group of people around the others.

I stand up huffing, shoving my hand over hair pulling the strands feeling on edge. This little shit always goes against my rules and it pisses me off. But I'm never one to punish him, for some reason it doesn't feel right to do that. My mother never did that to me either way.

Behind me, 3PO mumbled something pretty incoherent and it sounded muffled. My eyes roamed through the hangar, they landed on a shadow standing across the area. I couldn't see much from the distance, but I sensed the presence and it felt like I'd seen it before. My stomach tied to a knot and I felt the blood rising to my head. Suddenly I felt a pressure in my chest, my feet wouldn't move.

I tried to sprint to the other side of the hangar, not daring to look away from the person standing on the corner of the wall. I decided to run after them, but by the time I got there, I was met with nothing. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my sight and making sure it wasn't some kind of illusion, or a trick. I still had this feeling on my body that I knew who it was, but couldn't actually pinpoint it.

My heart was racing and hammering against my ribcage. I felt my blood pressure pick up as though I was having a heart attack. I couldn't just breathe decently, and I had to lean against the wall for support otherwise I'd drop to the floor and embarrass myself.

After a few minutes trying to calm down, my feet dragged me into the small group of people who were just having a conversation after celebrating our return. I watched as Poe was sitting on the floor talking to Luke. I swear to God this boy loves to make acquaintances with every person he sees. I'm not sure it's exactly a good idea to let him get to know other people, but I let him this time, he seemed pretty involved.

I shifted my sight and was met with Cal and (Y/N) laughing over something they were talking about. She glanced at me for a slight second, enough for me to catch her eyes before she returned her gaze to her friend. It felt different, weird to look at her after what happened back there. She didn't seem too frightened like she did before we went out on the mission.

Before we landed, Poe had invited us for a drink later that day. I tried to refuse many times, but he made sure he would convince me to go so I would get rid of my "grumpy face". I really wanted to go back to my place and get some rest, spend time with my son, and get some distraction. I just wasn't the biggest fan of going to the bar and drinking, nor do I like to interact with other people like I did before. It's plain boring to me.

-

I ended up going to the bar with Dameron, who also invited (Y/N) and Cal, obviously. Not only I didn't have the greatest time of my life, but I also had to deal with him asking (Y/N) to be my plus one at this sort of event the Temple was making.

And here I was, sitting next to her at our table for six. Cal was sitting across from us, his bored expression radiating through the place. He had a friend beside him, who was having a conversation with the nerd next to me. Motherfucking Poe was happily sipping on his glass of water, nodding to his sister.

I kept fidgeting my fingers under the table, not really interested in being at one of these events where they praise people for doing their work. In fact, I consider this such bullshit, given that we are all fighters out there. Kestis would constantly look at me like he wants to choke me to death, and I'm sure he just about planned the entire thing.

"So" Poe's sister spoke up, we all whipped our heads waiting for a response. "When did you and Skywalker start dating?"

The man next to her almost choked on his water, clearing his throat.

"What?" My eyebrows shot up in confusion and I could hear the crack in my voice. "We're not- She's not my-"

"We aren't really-" I heard (Y/N) speak up at the same time, sensing her nervousness.

"These two?" Cal chimed in simultaneously, and I glanced at him, knowing the bitterness in his tone. With a sly smirk on his face, he shook his head in amusement. "They literally hate each other".

The expression plastered over Dameron's face, I recognized he didn't know where exactly my relationship with her stands. His sister was as surprised as he was, while the dumbass sitting in front of me seemed to be having fun.

"Shut up, Cal" (Y/N) seethed through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, he likes to make up things just for his entertainment".

Is he lying, though? I wasn't the biggest fan of hers, and I surely didn't want to be at this fucking event sitting next to her. Especially if I have to face Cal on the other end of the table.

She gave Poe's sister a forced smile, clearing her throat. "We're not together. Your brother paired us for the event, but that's about it".

I shot him daggers, my eyebrows still knitted together. I'm going to have a fucking headache from this conversation. The pilot lifted his hands in surrender as his face flushed red.

"Hey, I didn't know that either. If anything, I thought they were together" He explained, pointing his index finger between (Y/N) and Cal.

It's not like it's debatable, their friendship is somewhat too strong, and they always look at each other as if they're in love. Maybe I'm seeing things the wrong way, but I'm sure Kestis definitely feels passionate about her.

Now, at least I was having some fun. The redhead in front of me blushed, his lips pursed and he huffed. I felt (Y/N) shift beside me and shove her forehead over her hand, running the fingers through her hair.

"No one is dating anybody, Poe" He seemed to be having a hard time coming up with words, I watched as Cal tried to get rid of his hoarse voice while taking a sip of his water.

"Oh, really? You always seem pretty close" I push, receiving a warning glance from him. The curve of my lips pull into a smile and I tilt my head, faking my reaction.

"No. We're just really good friends" Cal clenches his jaw and I can feel his hands turn into fists besides his body under the table.

"Then why are you blushing?" I hear myself egging him, feeling his stare burn into me. Before he could speak up again, his friend cut him off.

"Okay, let's go get something to eat!" She stood up from her chair, grabbing him by his forearm. Kestis was pissed at me by the way his eyebrows were frowning and his hands were still closed.

I wiggle my fingers as I wave at him, watching as both of them disappear through the crowd of people dancing and conversing. I noticed (Y/N) was staring at me in shock, eyes widened and arms crossed over her chest.

"You're such a dick!" She protests before leaving the table, snapping the napkin over her empty plate.

This is just great, things are going exactly how I imagined they would. Like shit, as always.

"Wow, this is like a second-hand embarrassment table" Poe muttered with a nervous chuckle.

"This was your idea!" I angrily point at him with my robotic arm and he swats it away, rolling his eyes.

"Nope, my idea was to try to have some fun. Catch up and spend time together. The 'being a jerk' idea was all yours" He playfully smiles as he taps me on my shoulder. I shrug him off, fuming.

"Fuck off" I get up from my seat and walk over the hall of the Temple. From a distance, I can see the kids playing with the nurse Droids and a few Padawans as well. At least someone is having decent fun in this fucking place.

I wander through the numerous groups of people talking, while they eat their dinner and sip their drinks. They're smiling at each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. This is why I hate this kind of event, forcing myself to get here every time and watch as they all look at me like I'm some kind of superhero. Deep, I know. They only get to see my shell, my outer behavior. No one can see or know what really happens inside my head, what I feel in my body.

They can sense the somewhat darkness seeping through my blood vessels, but I don't let anyone feel more than that. Not the intrusive thoughts, not the grieving or the sorrow, or even the hatred. I had to create a shield to protect myself from having empathy and it comes with the price of seeing people distance themselves from me. I watch as they look at me with fear, they avoid looking at me.

I'm still not convinced my team trusts me completely, but they never showed me otherwise. I've had Cal as my wingman for a couple of years now and we never really had arguments over the time, just now it seemed like I've crossed some lines when I confronted (Y/N). He's not the first person to hate my guts right now, and he sure won't be the last either. Neither will she, for a fact.

I found her leaving the ladies room just in time when she was met with my eyes roaming around the area, looking for her. (Y/N) shifted her gaze when she noticed my glance. From her demeanor, I realized she was trying to get rid of me, shoving herself among the people as she tried to blend in. My feet were quick to follow her, trying not to knock everyone down while I swimmed through the crowd. Jesus, I wouldn't take her for someone who can run that fast without having a regular exercising routine.

My hand grazed her wrists, aiming for her waist instead. The mere touch burned my skin, it was foreign after so long. It was completely odd for me to hold someone - a woman - by the waist. She turned over, trying to shove my hands off of her, not being strong enough for my fingers to slip.

"Let me go, Skywalker. Or I'll scream!" (Y/N) tried to stand at least an arm span from me. Her small hands eagerly held mine as she still struggled to get rid of my hold.

"Hey, calm down now. Let me talk for just a minute" I lowered my chin and showed some empathy before she decided to lose it and make a scene.

"I think you've said enough for today" She didn't move her hands from mine. I could feel (Y/N) was having a difficult time trusting me after the stunt I pulled, her eyes were squinted and her forehead was crinkled with annoyance.

I rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn't in the right for making excuses. I just wanted to have my fun with the guy, I didn't do any harm to him. "Look- I'm... sorry. I was an ass, I recognize that and I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed".

Her expression dropped a little, but I can see she was going to be sarcastic. She was chuckling, looking at me with taunting in her eyes. "You really had me there, Anakin. For a moment I wasn't sure you had the word "sorry" in your vocabulary".

And then, the next second, (Y/N) went back to the previous angry look, shoving both of my hands from her waist. I rolled my eyes before letting out a groan as I scratched the back of my neck. "Why make this hard and just say you don't want my apology?".

She places one hand over her waist, while pinching her chin with the other. I swear to God, I barely have any patience for this kind of game. "Huh, come to think of it, I might actually just forgive you. The way you're grimacing, it must have been really hard for you to say that word".

I watch her send me a small smile before turning on her back, walking back to our table. I must be a really bad person if people think I can't just apologize when I do something wrong.

Before I even consider taking another step, I hear my name being shot out from the small stage. Here we go again with the show. Master Yoda was sitting down on a stool, holding a microphone in his tiny green hand, waving for me to come over.

Shit.

I forced a smile, feeling everyone's eyes burn into my back as I walked towards him, immediately balling my hands into fists from instinct of self protection. I might as well have social anxiety if that's even a thing. I stood there in front of dozens of people, some were clapping their hands, some were whistling and then there was Cal, who was definitely not even masking the way his eyes were rolling.

There was a speech, which I didn't manage to listen to. I was too busy keeping my eyes on Luke as he looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes, probably proud of his father for being there. Like I'm a motherfucking God. I'm sure this place belonged to Obi-Wan more than anything, although it was obvious he would go against it just like me. Whatever Yoda was yapping about just about sounded muffled to me, and I wish I could just kill myself.

"To the bravest Jedi Master, here is to" He celebrates, extending his little arms to me as he holds a fucking medal. "Proud of you, we all are".

I hear the claps again, the cheering and the warming celebration right above my eyes. But I don't feel it, I don't agree with all the adoration and admiration. My head whips to where Luke stands, he's jumping around and celebrating his own father. My own eyes glint with gratitude for having him next to me. He's my anchor, the angel sent from heaven to help me stay whole.

"I- Uh- Thank you for the support..." I heave as I feel a lump in my throat. "But I don't think I deserve this. I'm not sure it's good enough for me" My voice barely comes out, my hands are trembling as I hold the microphone with one, while the other grips the medal.

There's silence and shuffling around the hall. I'm sure Kestis would stand up and just scream saying I suck. But it never came. In fact, the only sound echoing through the room was from running feet. When I came to realize, my boy was standing right in front of me, holding the hem of my blazer. I look down at him, there's a frown on his face and it hits me. I disappointed my child too.

"But you're the bravest Jedi Master, dad! Everyone says you're the chosen one, you deserve it" He goes through his sentence nodding at every word he says. "You're a good person, daddy. We are proud of you".

I stare at him with my jaw slack and my mind spiraling, going blank as the words freeze in my mouth. The moment I take in everything he just said, my body can't help but keep completely stagnant. Yoda protests again, saying his last words as if he agrees with Luke, but it's hard to focus on my surroundings. I just step out of this torture and get a hold of the boy, pulling him into a hug as he wraps himself around my torso.

Even with my body feeling tense, closing my eyes didn't make a difference at this point. I squinted them shut as much as I could, clinging to Luke as if it was the last thing I had to do. It still wasn't enough for me to shake off the draining feeling, nor was I able to avoid listening to the murmuring as they went back to what they were doing. My hands were still shaking and feeling numb, my eyes shooting up immediately.

I clear my throat, pulling away from him just enough to speak. It came out hoarse and strangled. "I'll be right back, alright? Get back to your friends".

My blurry vision sent a shockwave through my body and I stiffened, every cell shooting an alarming feeling straight to my brain. I shake my head, trying to make sense of what's in front of me but everything seems too distorted. My boots heavily drag me out of there, leading me to a corner where no one would bother or ask questions about me. It becomes too hard to walk, my fingertips graze the wall like it was soap, slipping through it, and I can hear my blood pumping so loud that everything else becomes a haze.

I walk into a small room, which was probably a janitor's room, dropping to my knees as soon as I close the door behind me. My first instinct is to punch the wall, release the nerves stuck on me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck and my forehead, my hair sticking to the damp skin. The blazer and tunic are suffocating me and I have to force myself to undress before it gets harder to breathe. I groan when I notice the numbness over my body, my heart rate quickly picking up. I pace around the small room, breaking and throwing anything I see in front of me.

Just let it out, Skywalker. It will go away. It has to.

"You're so... fucking... ridiculous!" I say to myself as I keep walking in circles, kicking and punching. My airways become smaller each breath I take and I start wheezing.

"You're lame, Anakin. Fucking. Lame" My hands fly up to my face and I start smacking myself on the forehead for reassurance.

For a second, I lean against the small shelf in front me. I can feel something shift inside of me, my eyes became extremely dry and it burned. I snapped out of my thoughts when the door - which I could've sworn was locked - opened. (Y/N) stood there, shocked to see me like that.

She doesn't even take the hint, rather than just walks in and locks the door with both of us inside the small room.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" She looks at me, worried and scared. Her hands hesitantly reach out to my arms, but I grab her wrists before they touch me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" My tone was husky from the whisper screaming and from the anger.

She shifted her eyes between mine and my trembling hands gripping her. I could still barely see, my eyelids were twitching and they felt too heavy.

"Your- your eyes" (Y/N) motioned her hands, pulling them back, placing them over her mouth. "You're-"

My knees gave out before I could fucking yell at her again. I groaned so loud that it was deafening this time, my hands pulled my hair from the roots. The hot tears started to prick and I tried to blink them away. "Get out, now!"

I felt her startle next to me, taking a step back, and it was enough for me to get myself distant from her. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, especially her. With my eyes closed and my fists clenching hard, I sit down and lean against the wall. I rest my elbows against my knees and shove my head back against the wall multiple times.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I scream out, my throat burning from the action and my head throbbing from the bashing.

"Anakin! Look at me, now. Please, it's just me" She speaks through a wavering voice. I feel one of her hands resting against my flesh one, the warmth spreading through my skin.

The touch always burned, it didn't feel repelling, it just felt awkward. Strange. It was hard to accept the gesture.

I shook my head for what felt like an entire minute, my mouth mumbling incoherent words and I still leaned against the wall. Her hand hovered over my jawline and I immediately clenched it, my arm instinctively shot upwards to grab her forearm and she yelped from the sudden action. "It's okay, Anakin. No one knows".

Slowly my eyes opened to meet her face standing inches from me, respecting the distance even though her hand was barely touching my face. The gears in my head started working against my will, my nose flared in rage and I immediately wrapped her throat around my metal hand. I stood right up, pushing her against the wall as she choked with the impact. Her hands gripped my arm with mercy, she tried to gasp for air as she tried to speak.

I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel sympathetic, I didn't feel anything. All I could see right now was red and I could tell my eyes were bloodshot from how angry I was. And then her behavior shifted again by the way she was looking at me, she was panicking. She couldn't look at me just like she was doing seconds ago. I tilt my head and release her, but not fast enough to catch her before she drops to the floor on her knees. I can feel it now. I know that feeling.

The panic attacks almost never came with the deadly feeling of snapping someone's neck. And now I know why I feel the way I just did. The darkness I've been told about too many times before. If you let it in, you can't control it. It's been dormant for years, I know I feel it coming to the surface when I can't control my own emotions. This time, it was finally reaching out to the surface and breaking out of it. I stepped out and walked backwards until my back hit the wall again, watching as she stood on her feet.

"Anakin-"

I swallow the enormous pain in my throat. "You need to go". She struggled to disagree, her head shaking hesitantly. My chest was heaving, everything hurts and I'm still feeling numb as fuck. "Just go!"

It took me that long to finally break down and I did right in front of her. In front of someone I so much despised for failing to do her job and now I'm paying for being exactly who I promised myself I would be. The pain in my stomach was nauseating and I had to slump down against the wall, this time not giving a fuck I looked like a crying baby. I had too much in my head already.

She tried to hold my chin up to face her, and I watched as her hand stayed frozen only a few inches before she decided against it and carefully gripped my skin. (Y/N) stares at my soul intently, eyes roaming through my face as I hold back the urge of grunting.

"It's okay, it's not the time to be tough. I know I'm not your favorite person right now but let me help you" She tries to coax in a soothing voice.

I have the hardest time getting myself to react, as my body is still struggling against the episode I just had. I want to push her away, I want to swat her hand away from me, I hate that I feel too vulnerable to avoid any physical contact. I just can't. "I'm bad. I'm so bad" I rasp.

I can't even speak. I feel my throat burning, my skin burning, my lung burning. Every inch of my body feels like it's on fire. And I can't fight against it this time. She withdraws her hand from my face, sliding it against my robotic hand, closing it tightly. "Hey, you need to fight against it. You're still you".

I shake my head in disbelief and let out a gruff laugh. I haven't been myself in six years. I just work through it so I won't lose it. Everyday is a battle against the darkening feeling just for the sake of Luke's life, because he doesn't deserve that kind of father. He doesn't even deserve this father. "You don't know shit about me".

I expect her to back up and leave, but she stays crouched on my eye level, still gripping my hand. Her lips are pursed in a thin line, and her irises are boring into mine. I recognize that look, she's trying to figure me out, I shut it down and drop my head. "Stop it".

"They were yellow" She said in a whisper, and I shot my head up again. "Your eyes. They were-"

"I know... I've seen it happen before, once" I try to not make a big deal out of it, but there's only so much I can do about that. Because I know I can't avoid it from happening anymore.

"I'm not good. I'm not good for anyone" My confession almost came out as a sob. This time, I couldn't handle the stress and I couldn't even think about what I was going to do after what happened.

She's going to see me as a joke, as a pussy man who gets medals for being the bravest Jedi Master, while behind closed doors, he falls to his knees and cries his sorrows.

I'm not the Jedi I should be.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg @littlecoffeeadict @readingthingsonhere

[palfriendpatine66]

Writing Obi-Wan I got an amazing ask that has prompted your Pal to go on several rants so I’m breaking it into parts for readability.

An anon new to writing fanfic asked about characterizing Obi-Wan. They asked about his most important traits to include to really nail his characterization and most importantly:

"In particular, I'm confused about reconciling the (chaotic, dramatic, 10/10) Clone Wars happenings with the way he appears in some other stories (more, well, civilized)."

Well anon: ask and you shall receive. Find your pal’s beginner's thesis below, keeping in mind that there are many others in the fandom who are way more accomplished authors who are much better about characterization in their own works and are way more qualified to speak to this. I'm going to do my best!

I love this ask! Characterization is so important in fan fic as we take familiar characters in place them into different scenarios that we haven’t seen how they react and respond to, and yet want it to feel authentic. The best is when you read a chapter and think of course that’s how Obi-Wan would deal with this.

The first part to nailing characterization is voice. Not even the motivation aspects behind “he would not fucking say that” but I literally ask myself: can I imagine the character’s voice actually saying these things? If I can’t hear Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan in my mind speaking the lines of dialogue I’ve written, I know it’s not right. This isn’t something specific I could give you a How To on, it’s 100% based on vibe and feel, BUT. Listen to the dialogue in the movies/tcw/kenobi series. The words he uses, his cadence, his tone. Even if he's being written in an alternate universe speaking about something that canon Obi-Wan has never experienced, and never will, it should still *sound* like him. If I had to summarize his voice: civilized yes, and more mature or refined than Anakin’s speech patterns, but with the ever present threat of sass. Underlying almost everything he says is a sense of I can and will destroy you if you piss me off, so tread lightly.

That brings me to your point of reconciling the different parts of Obi-Wan. There’s a line in Stover’s novelization of Revenge of the Sith which (I'm paraphrasing) says: he’s a Jedi Master who deep down still feels like a padawan. To me, this is why he can be the cool, calm logical Jedi Master one moment and then impulsively launching himself out of windows to hang from a speeding droid the next.

He is the expert of Fake it Till You Make It. He was suddenly thrust into all these roles of responsibility before he was prepared for them, but has taken them on and is Doing His Best. He literally went from being a padawan to having a padawan overnight. He had no time to experience being responsible for himself before he was responsible for someone else. He’s the youngest member on the council and despite, you know, not being trained in the military he is like The Highest Ranking Jedi and in command of a frighteningly huge portion of the GAR. He *is* incredibly competent and good at what he does, but he feels like its a role he's acting. He is playing the part of the wise Jedi, modeling himself after everyone he respects and looks up to and thinks is doing a better job than himself, when a lot of times his personal instinct isn't to react with measured patience but rather Yeet! or Read This Bitch!

Always remember: this man contains multitudes. There is no One Right take on his personality. That’s why he’s so fun to write! And also why there’s so many different versions of Obi-Wan in fan fic, and yet most are able to feel right if they hit the voice. Authors lean into the different sides of Obi-Wan they want to bring out. Some are more into his Big Dick Energy, being a BAMF, having the answers, and being in control General Kenobi. Some relate to the more the anxious padawan desperate to prove himself. Some see the man tossing back shots in the Outlander and think to themselves “this ho has slept with half of Coruscant”. Any and all of these can feel true to the character when done from a place of love and understanding for our main man Obi-Wan Kenobi

[mortallyclearwonderland]

Star Wars and racism

Normally I don't like to talk about this topic and given Tumblr's reputation I might as well have a ''kick me'' written on my back but just like those people are allowed to write pages upon pages about how star wars is ‘‘problematic’‘ I’m  allowed to disagree. And I'm sure a lot of people have similar opinions but are too afraid to show it.

1. ‘’An alien has an accent therefore it's a caricature of whatever people have this accent.’‘ It's a huge galaxy with thousands of different species, planets, and cultures. Of course, not everybody will speak the same way. I think it's pretty cool and accurate. 

2. ‘’Toydarians, Muuns and Trandoshans are Jewish stereotypes.’‘ It's just like the Orc argument. If you think any of those creatures and your immediate thought is, Jew, maybe you're the racist.

Watto is the poster child of the Jewish star wars stereotype and I never understood that. Because of his accent? Because of his nose? When we see more Toydarians in the Clone Wars, we see they are nicer and nobler than Watto. Their clothes and their king's saber remind me of Polish szlachta. And even Watto has a great backstory that explains his selfish and greedy behavior. Basically, he took part in a war that left him traumatized and he took it out on others.

Random person: Then why didn't they explained it in the movie?

Me: Because that's not what the movie is about.

Random person: How was I supposed to know that not every single member of this species is an asshole?

Me: Basic logic. Just because a white person, a man, a Chinese person, or whoever was mean to you doesn't mean that everybody is like that.

Muun noses help them warm up to the cold air in the mountains that they live in. Their architecture is similar to that of Greece. In the clone wars, we see that they have somewhat of a clockwork theme. Because they're so good at math. That's more of the Alps and the Switzerland inspiration.

Neimoidians have Asian accents and hats. But their clothes and jewelry is more similar to the European aristocracy. Even their guards look Spanish to me.

Long story short the star wars aliens aren't supposed to represent one single group of people. They’re a mishmash of multiple things to create something completely new and alien.

Trandoshans were never a Jewish allegory. The voice actress for Cid is Jewish and some dumb people come to the conclusion that now all Trandoshans are Jewish. Cid is a Trandoshan! She's not even the villain. The actress was chosen because her voice fits the character. Also, Cid has a bar and her VA played in the show Cheers. This is grasping at straws to create a controversy.

3. ‘’But there are bad guys who are racist.’‘ ''But this guy was a victim of speciesism! Why is he a bad guy?'' ''But these are good guys why are they racist to other species?''

It's almost as if things aren't so black and white.

Someone can spontaneously be discriminated against and discriminate against other people. Chiss think of themselves as the best in the galaxy. Meanwhile, Thrawn is being looked down upon for being not human. A taste of his own medicine in a way. And it doesn't look like he thinks ''This is terrible! No one should be treated this way!'', it's more like ''I'm going to put up with this until I get to rule you all, you pathetic humans.''

That one episode of the rebels in which pretty much everybody calls the last Geonosian ''the bug''. Or during the Umbara arc when our beloved clones call the Umbarans ''shadow people''. Or how in the unfinished Utapau arc Anakin is a dick to a Toydarian because he reminded him of Watto. Or how Anakin hates Hutts, even a baby.

It's almost like the characters can have grudges against their enemies or form their opinions on their worst experiences.

Besides, in a galaxy where you can die any number of ways, be enslaved, full of alcohol, drugs, crime, and other terrible things name calling isn't that big of a deal.

It also shows the tragedy of it all. Every species suffered in some way and if they were allowed to talk about it and bond they might've been friends.

It’s getting long. I might write a part 2 or responses if I get any comments.

[brotherskywalker]

Star Wars Rare Pairs 2023 Dear Creator letter!

Dear Creator!

Thank you so much for being my match this year! I hope you like Luke/Leia, cause, uh, that's what I like! I tried to be very broad this year with my requests. I am excited to see what you come up with. My #1 desire is that you write something you're passionate about writing. If it's Luke/Leia(/Whoever) and you were excited to write it, I am excited to get it!

I know some people like specifics, so I will go over some here, but feel free to pick and choose, mix and match, whatever from the list. Most importantly, feel free to go Alternate Universe to whatever extent you want if that helps. Also feel free to be canon compliant. You can do a coffee shop AU or "What if Vader didn't die?" type scenario. The only exception is please do not write/draw "Luke raised on Alderaan, Leia raised on Tatooine" or variations of that.

My likes are just my likes, not requirements (obviously!). Please don't feel you have to include them if any of them are squicks, not interesting or too much for you. They are just here to help guide you if you want guidance.

Likes: Romantic sex that’s in-character, kinky sex, incest pregnancy/kids, big incest family/lots of kids, the incest taboo ("it's wrong but we’re so compatible we can’t stop"), Luke and/Leia getting off on the incest factor (initially or eventually), the idea that “the Force ships it” or created Luke/Leia as twins specifically so they could recombine together by having kids thus making more Jedi/Force users (it got things "wrong" with Anakin but This Time it's ttly gonna Do It Right...), plot-with-porn, porn that somehow feels like Star Wars (as opposed to just ‘a bedroom’), Force connection enhancing sex/orgasms and twins enhancing it even more, pregnancy sex/Leia being pregnant with Luke's kid(s) enhancing the Force/sex-connection even more, graphic/kinky/explicit sex, lactation/breastmilk consumption, top!Luke, Luke cumming inside Leia's vagina/against her cervix, cock soaking/warming (usually post-sex, not in lieu of), cervix play/penetration/dilation, age gaps, big cocks, two cocks in one pussy, pushing sexual limits, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, using the Force to enhance sex/inappropriate use of the Force, Star Wars humans as not-quite-human anatomically (i.e. maybe they release sex pheromones; maybe they have slightly different sex organs; maybe women from Naboo have X type of vagina or men from Tatooine have Y types of cocks; maybe Leia could never have sex with men from Alderaan because she needed a compatible dick like Luke has, etc.), romance/romantic gestures, domestic fluff, trans man!Han, cuckold!Han, asexual!Han, soul mates/Destiny/Fated to be together, cheesy tropes written realistically/seriously, creative AUs, slice of life, kidfic (where the parents are still sexually active/having more kids), between the scenes/fill-in-the-blanks, fixit fics, "What if?" scenarios, time travel/multidimension.

With MMF pairings I generally like DP on the girl (anal/vaginal or two cocks in one vagina), or Luke in Leia's vagina and the other male in Luke's ass (or just watching). I generally view Luke as a top, but I think he can switch depending on the situation/partner. I could also 100% see Luke swapping back and forth between two partners penetrating them both in turn. (Han or Din or Mon or whoever bent over next to Leia as he goes back and forth between them, or magical use of the Force, magical double-Tatooine!dick, whatever.)

DNW:

Han. I’m sorry to say, but I'm just not a very big fan of Han. I personally feel like Han/Leia is a toxic relationship that was doomed to fail, though I am open to seeing you sell me on it. I have read and written Luke/Leia/Han, but I generally prefer him not involved. However, if he’s not part of the pairing requested, I prefer him not to be dead. Also, please do not make Leia cheat on him. An AU where they never got together is fine, or just a “we broke up” throw-away line would suffice. If he is part of the  requested pairing then you can do as you see fit--Leia/Luke allowing him into their bedroom, Han/Leia having a threesome with Luke, all three in love from the start, Han shipping the twins and getting them to admit their feelings for each other, etc. Generally I prefer Luke/Leia+Han (vs. Han/Leia+Luke), but I’m 100% okay with a happy domestic fluff thing where they all three live together. I'm also fine with Han/Luke in that regard. (I vastly prefer a true threesome vs. a V where both love Leia but not each other. Han/Luke when Leia is off on a diplomatic mission is fine, though preferrably kept to a minimum in the story.)

Probably unsurprisingly, I am also not a fan of Mara Jade in "Legends" and would prefer her to AU not exist, for her and Luke to "broken up," or for it to be set before she and Luke hook up. I would also be fine with something like Mara likes to watch but not be involved, Mara is Luke's "beard" so he can Leia and be together (and in that case Luke can be Mara's "beard" for any pairing you want Mara to be part of if you want), etc.

I’m not into female anal sex (double penetration--a cock in each hole--or male-on-male anal is okay; pegging is fine but not a fav), Luke ejaculating anywhere but inside Leia's vagina (with exceptions if you write several scenes that progeessively advance their intimacy, a story that goes from masturbating to sex later, or something like that), death fic of any of the main pair, cheating, watersports/scat, bloodplay, vore, birth control (either explicitly note they aren't using it for breeding!kink, or, if you hate incest pregnancy, just don’t mention it/prengancy possibility), racism, homophobic/transphobic anything, feminization of Luke (he is not an effeminate gay twink in my universe even if he fucks other men/is bisexual), trans!Luke (trans!Leia amab with she/her pronouns or trans!Han afab with he/him pronouns are fine; nothing against trans!Luke it is just not what I want for this ficathon this year), toxic masculinity, Reylo in any form, The Last Jedi in general, religion, EU/Legends/book or cartoon canon (I'm just not familiar with them though obviously does not apply if you matched with me on a Legends pairing. I don't mind you using the canon from those shows/books, just not so deeply that someone who hasn't seen them would be confused), "Luke raised on Alderaan, Leia raised on Tatooine" (nothing wrong with it, just way too over done).

Common DNW that I am not opposed to:

incest, under age sex (as young as 13/14 pubescent is fine), rape/non-con sometimes (like a Jabba/Leia/Luke scenario, I don't want Luke raping Leia unless maybe Sith!Luke), coercion (like Dark Side!Luke coercing Leia would be okay), bestiality/monster sex, rimming/sounding (especially cervical), impregnation/pregnancy, labor/contraction/cervical dilation sex, lactation/breastmilk drinking, marriage, kidfic/curtain fic, very explicit/graphic sex (the more graphic the better!), happily ever after, super plotty AND super porny (my absolute fave). A/B/O stuff (I am not super familiar with it, but I am totally open to reading a Luke/Leia take on it).

Star Wars Original Trilogy:

(in no particular order!)

Jabba the Hutt/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker

I think the obvious one here is the rescue of Han fails and both are captured. I would be really excited to see this done well as a slow-burn where Luke and Leia fall in love while also being forced to service Jabba, eventually resulting in them escaping after having discovered/admitted their true feelings for each other. However, if you want to do a total AU ("What if... Luke was sold to Jabba as Tatooine slave when he was a child?") or a non-stop Luke/Leia rapefest or something, I am open to it. I'd prefer a glimmer of a happy ending, but that happy ending could be them getting mindbroken fucked and stockholm'd happy with their situation. I am 100% fine with monster sex with big Hutt cocks and weird sex drugs and shit if you want to go there. Or, "What if... Jabba was actually a really great lover?" lol

Lando Calrissian/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker

I would love to see a domestic fic where Lando is somehow the "third" in a Luke/Leia love triangle. I think he could be less complicated than Han in a lot of ways. This could be a one-time trio, or a committed triad. I am open to either. Or even an AU! Have fun with it! Give us some Lando love. "What if... the Empire never took Bespin, Luke rejoined them and they hid out there for a few months?" Lando helps Luke build a wardrobe (but without super gay Chanel boots fanon Luke, please)? Lando is Force-sensitive? Luke is hiding from the pain of Han/Leia at Lando's and ends up telling him the truth about his feelings and Lando helps play matchmaker? Han continues being an abusive asshole to Leia and Lando and Luke put a stop to it and treat her right? Leia seduces both of them? Space sex pollen?

Lando Calrissian/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo

Foursome? Aliens made them do it? Partner swapping? A bet that goes too far? Han/Lando and Luke/Leia that gets combined? You decide! "What if... sex pollen?" lol How many dicks can Leia take at once? Let's fine out! Feel free to add Chewie/others if you're going for a total orgy, but I'd still like some plot/consequences/what happens next if you do.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker

The classic. I think most of all what I'd like to see with a pairing about them is just something different. I don't need to see them hooking up after Endor, that's been written plenty. I'd like either a What If? AU ("What if Han died in the carbonite?" "What if they were both captured by the Empire?" "What if Obi-Wan told Luke she was his sister sooner?" "What if Luke never learned they were siblings?" "What if Leia went to Dagobah with him?" "What if they hooked up before Luke discovered they were siblings?" "What if Luke got Leia pregnant after he blew up the first Death Star?" "What if Luke never met Yoda?") WHATEVER. Or something like a "coffee shop AU" if you think you can pull it off. (Not specifically a coffee shop AU, just something out of universe. It could be set in the 1970s and Luke is a midwest farm boy and Leia is a high society girl from New York; they could be mermaids; it could be fantasy; it could be a high school AU, whatever.) I love them together. I would like them to be in love with each other by the end of the story. If you have an idea for a Post-RotJ scenario, I am all for it. If you want to write a "between the scenes" thing like them hooking up between ANH and ESB or whatever, that is fine, too. I just want to push the limits when it comes to stories for them because I feel a lot of them are treading the same water. Go crazy and weird! Time travel! Dimension hopping! Crossover with something else! I just want more people to love them.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Biggs Darklighter

"What if... Biggs didn't die?" lol I'd love a Biggs who survived the battle at Yavin and got a proper reunion with Luke. Maybe he and Leia already know each other? Maybe Luke can be the Big Man now and introduce Biggs to the Princess. Maybe Luke/Biggs was already a thing and Leia wants in on it. Maybe Leia is into Biggs to Luke's sadness and then it turns out they wanted him as a third all along. I am open to what you come up with!

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/C3PO

Okay, this is probably a bit of a crackship, but I am up for it. C3PO can be a participant with some useful sex attachment, or just watching/assisting, whatever floats your boat. Perhaps he plays Matchmaker! "I do believe there is no need for concern, Master Luke. The odds of an incestuous child being born with genetic issues in this day and age are 5,678,345 to one!" "All right, Threepio, thank you. Now sit down and set vibration levels to six, please." "Not again, sir!"

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader

"What if Vader lived?" or "What if Luke and Leia were captured?" "What if Vader raised one of the twins?" I generally prefer not to have Dark Side Luke/Leia because I think it's overdone, but if you've got a unique spin on it, I am open to it. I have often thought a path for this scenario could go Luke/Leia admit their feelings which is Obviously Wrong and Dark Side, so they give in and turn and have great incest sex, they soon discover being in love and incestuous is actually Wonderful and Right and Good, and through their love they turn to the Light side again! Vader can help facilitate all of this. I am also 200% down for Vader/Leia/Luke DP. If twincest is fine, then adding Dad shouldn't be a problem, right? Bonus points if this somehow prevents Alderaan from being destroyed.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo

I'd be open to anything here, same as with Lando. I can see almost any Luke/Leia alone scenario just tweaked to add Han. I do think Han can act as a balance for Luke and Leia to keep them from spiraling too far into each other. I personally think that the Force/twin connection between Luke/Leia would make Han feel left out/third wheel, but that could also be a fun angle. How do they make him feel loved and included? ("What if... Han was secretly also Force sensitive?")

I also have a slight headcanon that Han is a trans man/super bottom, so if it tickles your fancy to write, for example, Leia with a strap on and Luke with a big dick DPing Han's ass and boypussy, I'd be all for that. I'd also enjoy Leia in his boypussy with a strap on while Luke fucks Leia's pussy with his cock, etc. or maybe just Han masturbating while watching Luke and Leia fuck because he's so impotent/whatever. Basically, anything to beta/cuck Han. (But happily!)

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Mon Mothma

If you requested it because you had an idea, please go for it, but here are some ideas. Maybe Leia/Mon already have a thing and they add Luke, or Luke/Leia where they add Mon. It could be something like a classic "All three crash land on a planet during a diplomatic mission and have to fuck to convince the aliens they're legit" or "Magical space pollen made them do it." I am totally open. I would LOVE to see Mon get some loving. ("What if... Mon was secretly a swinger and invited the twins into her secret sex cabal?")

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Obi-Wan Kenobi

"What if... Obi-Wan lived?" is probably the obvious choice here. I am open to your interpretation. "We have to repopulate the Jedi and you're the only girl left!" could be one... Or you could say he raised them both somewhere together. Or perhaps being with them again is like being with Anakin and Padme again after so long and he is unable to control himself...

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/R2D2

Probably the same vein as with C3PO... R2 can just watch, or maybe he's got some fun gadgets he can use to help stimulate and enhance Luke and Leia's pleasure. Perhaps one twin walks in on the other in an intimate scenario and is invited to join... "What if... R2 is secretly recording Leia masturbating for Luke...?" ("What if Leia is recording herself for Luke?") Poor Artoo. He also Knows The Truth about their siblingness, so that could be an interesting angle.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Wilhuff Tarkin

"What if the rescue goes wrong and Luke is also captured?" could be a good start. Perhaps something more AU where one of the twins was raised by Vader and the other is captured and they are either broken-in by Tarkin or else seduce him themselves... Maybe Tarkin just likes to watch... "What if... they manage to turn Tarkin to the 'good side' via the power of their sex?" I am all for redemption of Tarkin or utter corruption of the twins. They can fly away and live happily-ever-after with him, or they can escape the Death Star moments before it explodes with him on it. Or anything in between. (Maybe Tarkin, knowing the Force is real because of Vader, wants to breed Luke/Leia in an effort to capture more Jedi magic... and gets a little carried away... or wants to do some impregnation himself...)

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Yoda

Oh god, idk why I requested this, haha. I think the best situation here is another "Yoda wants them to breed to create more Force-sensitive children" or something. Perhaps he needs to help out in some magical-Force way. Luke brings her to Dagobah? You decide. My god, does Yoda even have a penis...? "What if... I didn't request this prompt?"

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Canon Crossovers 

Finn (ST)/Leia Organa (OT)/Luke Skywalker (ST)

How about some time travel for this? You'll probably need an AU where Luke lives as well. Maybe Luke and Finn are training in the Force and somehow open a portal that either brings young Leia to them, or else travels them to her. No real plot there, other than I think it'd be fun and hot. You can pick the time period Leia is from. I'm down with post-RotJ Leia, but you could do pre-ANH, as well. Leia at the imperial academy and she's seduced by two strange hot guys? Go for it.

Finn (ST)/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker (OT)

Similar to the idea above, except in this case it's just Finn time traveling to young Luke and Leia, or Luke and Leia time traveling to Finn. Heck, it could even be some sort of meditation/dream thing where they never actually interact, but it "feels so real" in his head. Like sex with a Force ghost or something. I am 100% here for Force sensitive Finn, and I think young Luke/Leia/Finn would be super hot. I would be stoked if you could manage some Happily Ever After for all three, maybe this has to be an alternate timeline/parallel universe, but I'm into it. Also feel free to make it a one-time-only thing though.

Leia Organa (OT)/Din Djarin (Mando)/Luke Skywalker (Mando) 

By "OT" for Leia I basically mean "wherever Leia is during the events of The Mandalorian" though if you wanna do some time travel hijinx here, go for it. I am fine with this being Din/Luke where they add Leia, but my preference would be Luke/Leia that adds Din. Perhaps Grogu sets it up (cute little matchmaker). Perhaps incest is considered holy or normal among Mandalores. I like the level of trust and intimacy it would require. Perhaps Din catches them and promises them secrecy. Perhaps no one knows Luke and Leia are siblings. Perhaps it's a total AU where they're all Mandalorians! Have fun with it! (I've never read any Luke/Din stories, so if you're coming from that angle, please don't over trope it with Luke/Din fanon.)

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker (OT)/Finn/Rey (ST) 

Okay, this is basically the same as the Finn ones, except now we add Rey. I am very fond of Finn/Rey as well, so I think these two couples seeing reflections of each other in the opposite couple would be lovely. I am down for a big foursome, but if you'd rather write Finn/Rey and Luke/Leia that's fine. (Also fine with swapping partners, so long as there's some Luke/Leia and Finn/Rey in there.) Happy to have a parallel timeline or alternate universe where they can all happily ever after together, but also content to have Jedi magic have them briefly meet and have sexy times, before returning them to their timelines. It can totally be a post-RotJ Luke/Leia.

Luke Skywalker (BoBF)/Leia Organa (OT) 

This is basically just another version of Luke/Leia. I wanted to cover all my bases. But perhaps Leia sees or hears about Luke's performance from BoBF and it makes her reach out to him again after a long time of not communicating. (Is she concerned? Turned on? Both?)

Luke Skywalker (Mando)/Leia Organa (OT) 

Basically same as above.

Luke Skywalker (Mando)/Leia Organa (OWK) 

Okay, this is probably one of my most controversial pairings. I don't really want to see OWK-era Leia having sex, but I would be fine with kissing/hugging if done not too creepily. Sex is fine if she is aged to 13-16 or so. This could be another time-travel thing, it could be a Force-mind-connection thing. It could be a really weird dream. It could be two alternate timelines crashing (due to plot) that brings them together. I would definitely like some attraction between them. I am fine with sex if she's at least pubescent, but Luke should probably have a lot of (delicious) guilt about it. If you wanna go super kinky, go for it. Luke finding a way to time travel back to when Leia is like 14-16 and at the imperial academy is definitely a kink of mine. She doesn't know who he is, but he knows who she is. They have natural attraction and maybe hook up (to Luke's surprise), and both really enjoy it. He'll probably have to do a mind-wipe or create an alternate timeline/parallel universe, but I am totally here for it. Give me some crazy age-gapped twincest.

Obi-Wan Kenobi | Ben (PT)/Luke Skywalker (OT)/Leia Organa (OT) 

Young Obi-Wan with Luke/Leia? Hot damn, yes please. However you want to make it happen, I am here for it. Bringing him to the future temporarily could be cool... a real Jedi Master to teach Luke and Leia... but I could also enjoy Luke/Leia going to the past to meet him. Are they shades of Anakin/Padme? Does Obi-Wan know who they are? It could be set post-Revenge of the Sith if you want. It could be a really convincing hologram that Obi-Wan recorded long ago. It could be an alternate timeline/parallel universe Obi-Wan crossing over into a different dimension. It could be a total AU where somehow Obi-Wan never aged, or was always young, or hell, maybe they're all college classmates in an AU. Whatever works for me.

Rey (ST)/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker

Same idea as Finn/Luke/Leia, just with Rey instead. I admit, of the three scenarios (Finn alone, Rey alone, Finn and Rey together) this is the one I am least excited about... but if you have a great idea, let's go!

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Any Star Wars Crossovers 

Anakin Skywalker (PT)/Leia Organa (Any-Canon)/Luke Skywalker (Any-Canon)

The main idea here is "hot young Anakin with hot young Luke and young Leia." It can be an AU where he raised them. It can be a time travel thing, or a Force-thing. Hell, it could be a situation where they don't even know who he is. Basically the same sort of scenarios as I wrote above for young Obi-Wan/Luke/Leia.

Din Djarin/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker (Any) 

Just covering my bases, see the same pairing in "Canon Crossovers."

Luke Skywalker (BoBF)/Leia Organa (Any) 

Just covering my bases, see the same pairing in "Canon Crossovers."

Luke Skywalker (Mando)/Leia Organa (Any) 

Just covering my bases, see the same pairing in "Canon Crossovers."

Padmé Amidala (PT)/Anakin Skywalker (PT)/Luke Skywalker (Any-Canon)/Leia Organa (Any-Canon)

Same as the one with Anakin, just now add Padmé. I love how similar Anakin/Padme are to Luke/Leia, so I definitely would appreciate a situation where they're all reflections and mirrors of each other. I would also be happy with something like... Luke/Leia watching a sexy holovid of Anakin/Padme having intimacies and getting swept up and turned on by it, etc. So not actual interaction between all four. That would still fulfill the prompt for me.

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Star Wars Sequel Trilogy 

Finn/Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker (ST) 

Rey/Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa (ST)

Finn/Leia Organa/Rey/Luke Skywalker (ST) 

Everyone lives! And has sex! Okay, so these three pairings are all variations of each other. I mentioned my preferences for Finn/Rey in the Canon Crossover section, so you can apply that here. It's just with older Luke/Leia, instead. I think these would have to either be AU or "Force ghost" scenarios, but I am open to either of those. Or whatever else you might come up with. They can all be coworkers at an office and Luke is the manager and Leia his hot wife/sister and Finn and Rey two grunts. Or they can all be in the military, or they can all ride unicorns and be faery people... I am open to anything.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo (ST) 

This can be set before TFA if you want them to all be alive. Otherwise give me an AU or Force ghosts, whatever you'd like.

Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Lando Calrissian (ST) 

Han dies but everyone else lives and they hook up! Or perhaps an AU where they were all always together. I am totally down with whatever you want. Give me that hot geriatric sex! Don't for a second think because everyone is old and wrinkly that I don't want to see them fucking if you've got it in you.

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa (ST)

I would honestly love to read some Luke/Leia set in this time frame. It could be before The Force Awakens if you want. Perhaps before Luke totally runs off. Perhaps after he runs off Leia finds him and that makes him run off even more. Perhaps they're having sex/a relationship the whole time anyway. Perhaps Ben saw them together as a teen and freaked out. Perhaps it's an AU where they've always been together and raised Ben happily in the Force and nothing bad ever happened. I am here for it.

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Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi Series

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa (OWK) 

How can we make them meet? Perhaps it's in Force-laden dreams? Or give me an AU where they're brought together as kids. Feel free to age them up to 13-16 so it's less creepy. I am okay with kissing and some innocent innuendo if you want to keep them 10ish. I think my preference would be 13-16 year old versions where both are brought to a third planet to be raised. (So no Leia-on-Tatooine, or Luke-on-Alderaan.) I would also be happy with a total AU. ("What if the Empire took over everything and both kids met at the Imperial academy?" "What if Vader raised them both?" "What if Padmé lived and raised them?" whatever.)

Obi-Wan Kenobi/Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa (OWK)

For anything sexual, please age the twins to at least 13. Do you want creepy pedophile Obi-Wan? Go for it. Maybe he wants to breed Leia himself to create more Jedi. Perhaps it's a Jedi/Padawan ritual to keep them closer. Maybe he's lost his god-damn mind. Maybe he walks in on the twins innocently fooling around and jerks off. Maybe they're all captured by the Empire and Forced to do sexy things to each other. I have no idea. I think it'd prefer it to be less creepy and more consensual, so perhaps the twins coming on to/seducing him? "What if... just being around Force-sensitive people again is overwhelming for Obi-Wan in ways he didn't expect..." and they remind him so much of Anakin/Padmé...

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Star Wars: Legends EU 

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa (Legends) 

I really dislike Mara/Luke, so my preference is that she doesn't exist, they are mutually broken up, or she is fine with Luke/Leia but is not involved in the story. I would say the same for Han. I prefer Luke/Leia not be cheating on their partners, but it can be a throw away line about being broken up or whatever. You can also do an AU, or set it before those relationships were introduced. I have no specific scenarios, I just wanted the option of Legends era Luke/Leia.

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa/Han Solo (Legends) 

Same as my OT Luke/Leia/Han scenarios, but now with Legends canon added!

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa/Jacen Solo/Jaina Solo (Legends) 

Twin on twin action sounds fun. Is it something the Force encourages, perhaps? Does one set of twins catch the other set of twins in a compromising situation and it ignites desire for them? This can be a foursome if you want, or both pairs having sex at the same time but separately (secretly or not). I am fine with either. Bonus points if Jacen and Jaina are secretly Luke and Leia's kids.

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa/Lando Calrissian (Legends)

Same as my Luke/Leia/Lando OT scenarios, now just with bonus Legends canon! As with anything, please have Han either okay with the trio, AU where he's never been involved, or else a throw away "we broke up." Prefer no cheating, no dead!Han. (Unless it's a really good plot point, I guess.)

FOR TREATS: Obviously anything is fine! I love treats! Give me 100 words of a simple Luke/Leia kiss and I'll be stoked.

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FOR FANART:

I am open to everything. I really love explicit/graphic fanart, so that would be my preference if you're up to the task. If not, something romantic or at least clearly-shippy would be my next favorite. Feel free to use one of my fic prompts to set your scene, or just give me something that inspired you. I like romantic and beautiful, I like dreamy. I enjoy some level of humor, but probably not anything too dark. I would rather more realistic than chibi-style, but obviously you've got what you've got. It doesn't have to be realistic, just more realistic proportions. Cartoon or anime style is fine if that's your vibe. Single pictures, multiple pictures or a comic are all fine! I'd especially like:

-Pregnant Leia with Luke worshipping her

-Leia giving Luke a BJ staring up at him with adoring eyes

-Luke coming inside Leia with one of those inset images showing him fertilizing her egg

-Luke/Leia getting married/in wedding clothes, your choice but I love white with gold trim

-Luke suckling Leia's breasts (she could also be pregnant, etc)

-Something totally shippy but fantasy--as centaurs, mermaids, angels, riding dragons, unicorns, whatever.

-If you really want to blow my mind, read some of my fics (on AO3) and illustrate a scene from one of them? *_*

Obviously feel free to add another person to any of the scenarios to fulfill your match!

For treats, obviously any of this can go out the window. Chibi sketch treats would be fine!

Quicklink back to my sign up!

Thanks for reading! Like I said, feel free to mix and match any of those ideas. Feel free to ignore them. Come up with your own. I mostly want loving Luke/Leia and however you give that to me I will be happy. I think I'd be happier with some of the most weird or bizarre scenarios than the more straight forward "they had sex after the medal ceremony", but if that's what you've got in you, go for it.

Can't wait to see what you do! Also feel free to ask me anonymous questions/clarifications if you need/want! Also, I have written a lot of Luke/Leia stories on Ao3 so feel free to browse through those to get an idea of what I like.

Thank you so much!

[bunnywan]

What r your fav and least favorite Stewjoni biology takes

hmmmm. i don’t feel particularly negative about any of them. i know the most common one is obi-wan basically being intersex or just having a pussy. which can both be fun. in my pussy obi-wan fics i never give a reason to why he has one cus i genuinely do not care and don’t think about it. so i don’t mind when peoples reasoning is “he’s stewjoni”.

for things i do like, the first fic that popped into my head was binate bits baby. different from a lot of other stewjoni fics bc obi-wan actually has two dicks but they’re in a sheath and anakin actually just fingers the sheath and calls it a pussy despite it very much not being that and then tries to shove his dick in. personally MY pussy is a big fan of this one.

lastly, i’m never gonna turn down a chance for obi-wan w tits. let that man breastfeed anakin.

[umemiyan]

Here's a few for the ask game!

🧚‍♀️ favorite characters of all time

❤️‍🔥 what character do you simp for most often

💛 what is your favorite feature on yourself?

🔐 something no one would guess about you

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you

tysm!!!!! ❤️

🧚‍♀️ favorite characters of all time

anakin skywalker is definitely one of them!!! as for others… that’s tough 😭 like i have soooo many faves, but are they ‘of all time’ status?? idk!!! i’ve got some recent blorbos that are rooting themselves into my brain for sure. i’m also a big peter parker aka spider-man fan. there are probably others i’m not thinking of rn 😭

❤️‍🔥 what character do you simp for most often

probably toji 😭 i’d bend over backwards for that dick. he turns me into a person that i don’t recognize.

💛 what is your favorite feature on yourself?

hmmm…. i think i have a pretty nice smile!!! 😁

🔐 something no one would guess about you

oooooh…. i guess i can be pretty good at fixing stuff! i mean there’s still a decent amount of research that goes into certain things, but overall i like the be self-reliant when possible. i replaced the entire gear shift cable in my car last year. it was very complicated but i saved like $400 lmfao

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you

well. there are a few things that come to mind lol but i won’t get into all that, so i’ll say one of them was when i had appendicitis as a kid. i had been suffering for days until it had finally gone gangrenous and ruptured. it felt better at first but then i started declining and have to have emergency open surgery and all that lmao. it was a couple weeks before my first day of middle school too 😭

get to know me

[mysticmjolnir]

i have been thinking about this for days so i'm laying it down here where all nonsense belongs

(this was borne from my home island having a horrible little election and me watching some horrible little debates and coping with STAR WARS(tm) thoughts)

what if during the clone wars there was a Grand Debate where they stopped fighting for like a week or w/e and had a big stupid horrible public debate on the live holonet between the Republic and the Separatists. one representative from either side. don't think too hard about it, that's not the point

the point is that Dooku would represent the Separatists, and who could the Republic stand against him in a big stupid horrible public debate? Dooku was MADE for this bullshit, arrogant, able to pivot away from topics he doesn't want to talk about, willing to fight dirty, able to project victory even when on the shakiest of ground, public school boy energy

i know what you're thinking, but let's start with the elected representatives first

obviously, Palpatine should be the one facing Dooku. even more obviously, Palpatine is never going to put himself in that position. let's move on.

Padme Amidala! she would do bad, too honest, too - naive sounds like i'm dismissing her, it's more that she'd see what Dooku was doing and get angry and he'd run rings around her and make her look terrible.

Bail Organa! idk i think he would also do bad, not get angry like Padme but not be able to keep up with the sheer wall of swarm that Dooku could put up.

Mon Mothma! voice is too quiet, also i think she's corrupt? i just watched andor for the first time, she doesn't strike me as someone good at big stupid public debates

i know there are more senators but I think other than Jar Jar these are the main ones. Of the four, Jar Jar would come closest to dragging Dooku to a draw, because he's very annoying and that would throw Dooku off to start, but I think Jar Jar would get flustered and ulimately lose

just a reminder that 'losing' a big stupid public debate is solely about posture and dick energy, not to do with morality, likeability or accuracy

okay so speaking of dick energy, obi-wan would also lose. not because he couldn't win, but because he doesn't want to be the kind of person who wins this sort of thing. he would have to lose a piece of himself to defeat dooku in this arena of combat and he doesn't want to and no-one would ask him to and it wouldn't be worth it this is the stupidest way to frame a war. also he's not tall enough and he's too comfortably bisexual. gotta repress that shit more babe if you wanna separate your soul from reality enough to win a big stupid horrible debate against dooku

no-one would ever suggest anakin except me, i think it would be funny, either he gets out the lightsaber ninety seconds in OR he's swayed by Dooku's fascistic appeal and spends most of the debate really half-heartedly refuting stuff until the end where Dooku talks shit about obi-wan or padme or something so anakin gets the lightsaber out.

mace has a headache

qui-gon'd do okay, he's tall enough but also he's dead and he's busy and he's got a new phone and he doesn't want to.

yoda tho.

yoda is going to annoy dooku SO MUCH on SO MANY LEVELS he's gonna throw him off so much and also he's never gonna get flustered not even a little bit. he can pull both the 'i am a helpless old man' card and the 'i am 800 years old and above this shit" card at the same time. he's gonna tap his little cane and make so many mouth sounds when dooku is talking, he's going to seem like he's not paying any attention and then say the most brutal cutting thing imaginable and destroy dooku in front of the entire galaxy

but also if someone has a time machine, then leia, leia could destroy dooku on his own terms bc she's got padme's political integrity and anakin's ruthlessness she'd murder him and he'd die happy knowing he was felled by a worthy opponent

[daughter-of-sapph0]

I haven't been super active with the r/place thing. I'm not a huge reddit user. but here are just a few things I saw at about 10 est on Sunday

first off, we have a section of the massive trans flag in the top left. quadrant, complete with queer pixel art. we have Kirby on a lesbian star, a trans minecraft bee, sylveon, a bi potion, a pan rainbow, and more. directly above that, we have weed, a pogging slug, and spamton deltarune.

we also have some great pixel art of Kirby, which looks to be inspired by Kirby super star, alongside Samus, a metroid, and super sonic, next to that we have the flag of Chile with a moai statue and the noid(?) with sunglasses. above that is a d20 (possibly a logo for a dnd podcast I don't know), the super mega logo, and fanter cat.

next we have the moon lord from terraria, spike from Mario, Freddy fazbear, a penguin from club penguin, the main characters from deltarune, and Vibri from Vib-Ribbon.

more video game characters, including the knight from hollow knight, ori, a metroid, Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth being bi and ace, a digimon, characters from Yume Nikki, and Rei Evangelion giving you an amoungus grape juice box.

one of my favorites, not just for what's being shown, but what was covered up. this used to have a massive american flag, but it's been completely covered with the flag of Chile and a landscape of mountains. also here is tons of queer flags, Canada x2, one piece, elden ring, silksong, and a massive Turkish flag.

what would r/place be without a big osu logo. next door is a very detailed poster of Star Wars A New Hope, and above is a call to free Hong Kong, next to that shy looking cat girl I keep seeing online, and a big triforce above several touhou characters.

you thought the episode four poster was impressive? check out this massive detailed pixel art of the duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan from Revenge of the Sith, along with the mug logo in the bottom left. also, incase you haven't noticed, in most pixel art there are tons of tiny amounguses (amoungi?) hidden ever so sneakily.

the bottom half, which I think was expanded later than the top half, is very cluttered. but there's still lots of cool stuff, including the newgrounds logo, Friday night. funkin', gay rainbow dash, and an amoungus covered mango

the bottom left corner is dominated by a giant French flag and Eiffel Tower. this is actually massive. I'm more zoomed out in this screenshot than any others. but alongside the French taking over the world, there's the widows xp start menu, the spirit phone album cover, another Chilean flag, some character from arcane, a bi bike on a pan flag, a splatoon logo, the ifunny logo, a massive highly detailed picture of a duck sitting in a chair in space (I think), several sports logos, and TBH the autism creature.

and lastly (because this is all I can fit in a single tumblr post), we have the american flag being rebuilt in the bottom right, alongside the Argentina flag, paimon from genshin impact and other mihoyo/gatcha game logos, the no man's sky logo next to "fuck nfts", a monkey from bloons tower defense 6, Susie, Kris, and Sans from undertale/deltarune, a banner for omori, and several more touhou characters.

these are just a few screenshots of a few of my favorite places during a very short time window. many of these creations might be gone in just a few hours. I heard there was a giant amoungus with a massive dick, but I never saw it in person. like I said earlier, the american flag has been completely covered over by the Chilean flag, and nearby the UK flag was covered by the Argentinian flag (yet the trans flag adjacent to both of them still remains!).

eventually, like within a few days, the r/place thing will end and there will be countless gifs showing the entire process in every single location. but until then, this is just a small snapshot of probably the world's biggest art project. this is probably the coolest thing reddit has ever done (which isn't saying a lot because reddit sucks ass). I thought the original r/place from 2017 was super cool, but I didn't find out about it until after it ended. it's cool to be a part of the new r/place five years later, even if all I did was place about 10 pixels so far.

but yeah, this is just really cool seeing how creative and cooperative people can be, and what can be created by millions of people placing only a single dot every five minutes.

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay so you know how one of my big things with fandom is forcing characters into completely new contexts that they just have to Deal With (recently most commonly with time travel, crossovers, and things like the suddenly omegaverse AU).

So, canon characters get Yanked and somehow tossed into a Modern AU context, possibly just as some Matrix-esque 'your brain is trapped in a simulation' thing, possibly as a Sith Holocron thing, possibly as a weird crossover, it doesn't matter. The point is mostly this:

1. Nobody has the Force. 2. Ahsoka is suddenly human, and she hates it.

This is mostly an excuse for Ahsoka to be overwhelmed by some things (her sense of taste is completely different) and underwhelmed by others (this is your eyesight???) and panicked by others (her sense of echolocation is completely GONE), and then Anakin calming her down by Brushing Her Hair, something she's never had before.

Ahsoka has a meltdown and Anakin, who is also very panicked because the Force is just gone for him, is doing his best to keep her somewhat level and ANYWAY Anakin knows how to do cool, solid, safe braids because Padme taught him how to do her wig-secure crown braids, so when Ahsoka's being overwhelmed by the sensory hell of her new hair touching her shoulders, Anakin brushes it out and braids it up for her while Obi-Wan tries to find them a way out, and Rex and Cody help him notice things like "we can't read this alphabet for shit" and "that's not a speeder... is it..."

The clones are Itchy without their armor in an unfamiliar space. The Jedi keep tripping on sidewalk cracks and stuff because they're not used to needing to look where they're going. Also they don't have their sabers or blasters.

Ahsoka tucked into Anakin's side in a coffee shop that they somehow managed to Exchange Currency at... sipping on something sweet and complicated-flavor that she doesn't recognize and is very confused by because none of these tastes are familiar... a barista asks if she's okay and Anakin has to stutter over "my padawan" in favor of "my sister" because it's kind of safer but anyway could they get a cup of ice water for the kid?

The clones get asked if they're from New Zealand or Australia because of the accents and just Blank Stare until the person leaves in discomfort like "Was it something I said? Maybe they think I should be able to tell the difference?" but no they just don't fucking know what New Zealand and Australia are.

Imagine if she couldn’t really taste sweetness before. She finally understands the appeal of candy!

Ahsoka doesn't like 'being' human but she decides she likes the Expanded Taste Range (now she understands WHY people add spices) and having her hair played with (she's maybe a little jealous of people like Padme now).

Several of the Jedi keep forgetting they can’t jump 20 feet high anymore and keep slamming into fences. One of them tries to jump off something and is tackled by a clone. The clones keep forgetting they can’t jump off things and get caught anymore.

“Normal humans die when they do that!”

The clones don't register as clones to anyone, just Young Hot Guys With Nice Muscles, so Cody and Rex get hit on by strangers more in the Modern AU adventure than in the rest of their lives put together.

They register as twins though. And some people are maybe into that specifically. Strangely, in this context, being genetically identical is more attractive.

The only person in this group that knows how to recognize flirtation and how to flirt back is Obi-Wan.

Someone sees a Marvel movie playing a TV store and just drags the other four over because IS THAT MASTER WINDU WITH AN EYEPATCH. Or alternately IS THAT AN OLDER SENATOR AMIDALA IN BORING CLOTHES.

Per @atagotiak on discord

Hey, it could be worse, it could be literally almost anything else Ewan McGregor is in. I enjoy the other movies I’ve seen him in (though I haven’t seen a lot) it’s just every last one would be jarring as heck to them.

Birds of prey “Wow Obi-Wan, you’re a dick”

It's just Moulin Rouge's steamy scenes and Obi-Wan is like [head tilt] is... is that supposed to be me????

(I'm going to say that none of the Star Wars movies exist in this modern AU, but only because that would get too complicated.)

Ahsoka gets yelled at by Someone (a store employee, a cop, a random douchebag on the street), and Obi-Wan steps in because he's closest and also the person most invested in making sure she doesn't start throwing punches.

Person: Sorry man, didn't mean to scare your, uh, daughter. Obi-Wan's face: [is doing complicated things]

(Being Ahsoka’s dad is probably less weird than being Anakin’s dad. Just agewise and all that.)

Obi-Wan objectively recognizes that this is a reasonable assumption and also a safe one to work with, in that explaining their actual relationship might be sketchy depending on whether or not apprenticeships are a thing on this planet, and going with a person's first not-terrible assumption is usually a safe bet to not draw too much attention!

But 'parent' is a bit of a loaded concept for a lineage so prone to attachment (and tragedy).

Ahsoka finds herself getting inexplicably tired a few hours into a walk that would normally leave her fine, and since Anakin and Obi-Wan are also having trouble, it's apparently not a humans thing, it's... not having the Force. They’re still pretty strong and have good endurance but they’re not superhuman anymore so.

Adding in that Ahsoka's a young teenager who has no idea what she can eat that she can actually stand the taste of yet, so she keeps getting sugar crashes since it's the only thing she can reliably stomach...

[jedibongrip]

level 5 pussy disaster 10 dead, 75 wounded

(thoughts about pussy below)

anakin is a proud member of #big clit nation, and i DO think he calls it his dick regardless of the circumstances of why he has a pussy (trans hc, bp, a/b/o, etc etc i just think its fun)

given that his first sexual experience is probably with padme (and my personal hc is that people from naboo shave. at least padme would, given than as queen she painted her face, so getting rid of facial hair was probably necessary, so getting rid of body hair was likely also common), anakin probably got used to the #BaldPussyLook and also started shaving.

when he gets w/ obi wan (filled with jedi master guilt), obi admits that he likes it when anakin goes a bit in between without shaving. (combo of personal preference and obi-wan wants NO REMINDER of how much younger anakin is) anakin then becomes a proud bush owner (to a point. i think he would still like... manscape it lmaooo but it would never be bald again. a blessing, truly)

(modern day anakin with one of those ‘my bush did 9/11′ tshirts)

anakin knows his way around his own pussy but its very efficient and to the point. i dont think he would have the patience to learn any ‘tricks’ or try something like edging. the first time he’s with someone who takes their time or, like, looks at him, he gets all blushy and shy

i believe in my boy, i think he could squirt LMAO

he would def be embarrassed about it though

man talks dirty to obi-wan about getting a clit piercing, then uses Space Google to see what that would entail and almost passes out when he sees a picture of the needle

yes <3 he does want to be eaten out 24/7 <3 good thing obi-wan wants to eat him out 24/7 <3

i THINK when he jerks off (esp when he’s a virgin) he doesnt do a whole lot of penetration. perhaps some romantic notions about virginity, perhaps some incorrect assumptions about wanting to ‘stay tight’, perhaps just... not seeing a point when he owns so many vibrators that are so good that it makes him cry

on that point he owns. like. 17 vibrators.

all iterations of anakin deserve to be a pillow princess but if he has a pussy he’s 100% a pillow princess. it takes obi-wan like 3 months to convince him to peg him

anakin enjoys it A LOT but he makes obi-wan go down on him until he cums at least twice before he puts on the harness. he’s a bitch like that

<3 i just think. anakin’s pussy. send tweet

[i-would-die-for-ahsoka]

Hhhhhhhhhh.

Y’all. Hold on. Just— we’re gonna go by character. Oh. MMM. I’m so—

Grogu

Anyone in their right mind will know that Grogu is going to choose Din. Din literally has a little SEAT for him now.

Grogu looked absolutely horrible hopping and leaping across rocks.

Ahsoka

Okay. Everyone. I love Ashoka. I grew up loving her. But god damn was she a hypocrite in this episode. She didn’t want to train Grogu, but is smiling at the thought of Luke training him, Luke. The son of Anakin. Both of them have a history of letting their attachments cloud their view.

Ahsoka EVEN SAYS that Luke is like his father. Ahsoka had no right to refuse Grogu then be happy that Luke trained him.

This is the same person, the SAME PERSON YALL, who literally DIED trying to bring Anakin back. Literally, WHY IS SHE HERE, if the reason for her Episode in the Mandalorian, is her fighting to find Thrawn, TO FIND EZRA BRIDGER. WHY IS SHE HERE.

Also. Her and Luke meeting was stolen from us, and I hate it.

Bane

Sir, put your teeth away. Stop baring then like a wild animal, because you’re not.

You were a legend in Clone Wars, the man who literally wielded a lightsaber for a few minutes, and CONSTANTLY had the upper hand.

He looked like the alien from the Video game Destroy all Humans, his eyes were too big, his teeth were… NO.

Vanth

You deserved better. So much better. You were an amazing person, and you deserved to grow old and happy.

Luke

Luke. Stop being a dick. Why are you so arrogant?

Literally, HOW THE FUCK does he have Yoda’s lightsaber IF THEY MELTED IT AFTER ORDER 66?!

You don’t GET to make Grogu choose, because you didn’t.

YOU know how flawed the Jedi were, and you had NO RIGHT to make that child relive his trauma. No. Right.

Those are my thoughts. I personally hated the episode. I hated it. I hate that I woke up early to watch it, I hate that I wasted my time. I don’t know if I’ll watch the next episode.

[eeveecryptid]

※ SHIT YOUR LOCAL ENBY HAS HEARD: FRIENDS & FAM EDITION

a thrilling saga of shit i’ve heard over the years from friends and family, as well as some dumb shit i’ve said, myself. may include nsfw material. feel free to change names/pronouns/etc.!  more ‘shit i heard/said’ starters!

" just casually spills all your shit." "your hair is autumn, you bleed pumpkin spice." "i can’t believe you're sexually attracted to plankton." "i'm an adult, i'm the oldest person in this house.” "---yeah, you're a dinosaur.” "don't make me shake my fist at you!" "oH NO, IT WAS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN I THOUGHT!” "you wound me right in the baratiddies." "you can't threaten me, i'm not looking!" "oh no, it's jammed --- and peanut buttered!" "they know how to get to his/her heart and his/her pants." "try and keep a low profile now that you've, like-- murdered a bunch of people while protecting my food." "is that a knife in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "I DONT CONTROL THE DICE." “i dO N' T CO N TR OL TH E E G G S.” "gIVE ME THE CLUES, BITCH." "(name), GET OUT OF MY ASS!” "don't you face at me in that tone of voice." "joey mac/(name) has a jawline for days that could cut glass." "i got possessed by (name) because i saw (name) and went ‘oh that’s a dADDY’." "don't grow up, guys, don't do it, it's not worth it.” "i don't have college, i have depression!!" "bandit and cinders snatched my heart, odd snatched my uwus, aND YELLOW AND RIVER SNATCHED MY ASS, CAN I GET AN AMEN--" "who needs pants when you're drunk as a skunk?" "cause of death: pussy." "does 'sharkboy and lavagirl' exist in the twilight universe, and if so, does everyone just look from sharkboy to jacob and just be like ‘bruh what the fuck’?” "dID YOU DRAW A D I C K ON YOUR PASTRY--" "we all need a lap to sit on, and a shoulder to cry on." "i read the second one as 'i don't steal sluts'.” "no-one's dead, nothing broke, iT'S F I NE!” "IT'S OVER ANAKIN, I HAVE THE THIGH GROUND.” “give a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” "if you're not at least a lil’ bit gay for your friends when they get a haircut, are you really friends, though?" "that shit hURTED." "this is harder than my dick!” "songs that get white people - and (name) - turnt." "technically speaking, another term for 'sugar daddy' could be 'glucose father'.” "it's not that your mom doesn't love you, it's just that she's kind of a bitch.” "i don't like that my first thought upon pulling these dayquil pills out of the package was just 'ah yes, big and juicy'.” ". . . i heard 'big and goosey'.” "the hills are not alive with the sound of music, they're dead with the sound of me wheezing while walking uphill in the cold.” "i would've kissed bill directly on his eye mouth thing.” "hate is a special kind of love you give to people who suck.” "make sure you hang up your stocking so cupid can leave heart-shaped candy and pieces of cardstock with pictures of Cars 2(TM) characters.” "the joke flew over his/her head just like everything else because s/he's tiny." "i've had this poster for like, sixteen years--" "that's longer than i've been mentally stable." "sir, are you aware that you're a rat?" "aladdin is the real tiger king." "(name), i am begging you, you dumb fuck---" “oh god, chucky’s indian--” "hard times for covo the clown, he's just on the corner selling face masks, balloons, and crack-- oh and meth." "it's fine to eat if you're nOT A COWARD-- SALMONELLA WHOMST?" "i just want to pee, you monster, leT ME PEE!!" "don't trash the highways, trash Canada instead." "it took me almost a year, but i now know (name)’s love for graham crackers and i can exploit it." "my words go fast to make up for the fact that my tiny legs cannot." “i hate how, in my head, it just sounded like hank hill was possessed or voiced by matthew mcconaughey.” "gross encounters of the third kind, if you will."

[bunnywan]

Good man, that Cody. He doesn’t deserve this suffering. But I’m still gonna ask about it anyway

this is my gffa set cheating fic. poor cody (again). imma go under the cut cus i’m rambling.

let me talk too much about the codywan/obikin dynamic for a moment before i talk about the porn

i’ve said it before — my issue w codywan is that the ship typically has cody assuming a role in obi-wans life i this belongs to anakin (even if you don’t ship obikin!). his most trusted man, his closest friend, person who brings him the most joy blah blah blah. that’s anakin! but i live for tension between cody and anakin bc for most intents and purposes, cody is better for obi-wan than anakin. he’s honest and loyal and kind, whereas anakin is a big fat liar whose loyalties can be easily broken should it please him, and he’s an asshole when he doesn’t get his way. of course none of that fucking matters, though. because obi-wan loves anakin more than everyone else he knows put together. it’s not even close. maybe he should want cody, but he can’t. not when anakin exists. it’s just not possible for him.

that being sad, my fic: codywan are in established relationship. part of the reason they are together in the first place is because obi-wan is barely holding on by a thread to Not Fucking Anakin. he figures if he has a boyfriend, it’ll make his brain shut up and just be normal.

of course that doesn’t happen. one way or another, obikin fuck, and suddenly obi-wan is like Who is Cody. Lol.

maybe they have an important campaign or something approaching, and obi-wan knows breaking up with his commander might be a blow to morale, so he decides to wait until the missions over. anakin Serial Monogamist skywalker takes this and is like “aw i understand, i’ll wait until you have it sorted all out🥺” and obi-wan is like ???? no we’re just gonna do it behind his back lol.

thus leading to obi-wan and anakin fucking all the time, all over the place while anakin tries not to hurt codys feelings meanwhile obi-wan is like HE’LL GET OVER IT JUST LET ME SUCK YOUR DICK I DONT CARE THAT HES IN THE NEXT ROOM

[twobitmulder]

When did Storm Shadow Become a Villain?

There is a scene in GI Joe Resolute where Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are having their obligatory Ninja Battle and (Spoilers I Guess) Storm Shadow reveals that he orchestrated his uncle, The Hard Master’s, death and that he fully meant to kill Snake Eyes as well, out of jealousy and because his uncle would not teach him the final secret to killing a man in seven steps, fearing that young Storm Shadow was too volatile and violent. Towards the end of the battle Storm Shadows wrist bands come off, revealing his Arashikage tattoo on one arm and a Cobra Sigil on the other.

This version of Storm Shadow (Voiced by “every Beagle Boy on Ducktales” Eric Bauza) stands out amongst his post-2000 incarnations as an unrepentant psychopath, but still falls in line with the prominent view of Storm Shadow as a villain--one of the main villains with a special hatred for his GI Joe counterpart.

This is the version I grew up with. GI Joe vs Cobra through Sigma 6 were the prominent Joe adaptations when I was the target demographic and all throughout Storm Shadow was a bad guy to varying degrees. 

I knew in the classic Hama stuff he eventually defected, but I was not prepared for just how much he’s a heroic character from the start. There’s no big sword dual with Snake Eyes, no Anakin and Obi Wan style “friend turned bitter enemy” dynamic. It’s made clear from jump that Tommy is undercover in Cobra and remains an honorable man in search of justice. He leaves Cobra quickly and is branded as a Joe in all his figures until 2000--when they started packing their characters in two-packs with one Joe and one Cobra. In all appearances, Storm Shadow is more a Joe than a Cobra. So what led to the the modern view of Storm Shadow as a bad guy, who, even when he gets his redemption, still has a mean streak and a cruel manner? How did a character in a toy driven franchise who had more toys as a hero than a villain end up as one of the franchise’s most consistent villains?

*(For simplicity’s sake, this is only going to cover film and television portrayals of the character).

*Spoilers for pretty much every GI Joe adaptation to follow.

The first portrayal of Storm Shadow as Cobra Commander’s loyal and competent hatchet man (one of the few) is not too much older than Hama’s original Marvel version. The Sunbow version of Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy you’ve heard in everything” Keone Young) remained a loyal cobra agent--with none of the Hama version’s depth. 

He had what you might call “standard cartoon Ninja honor” where he clearly had some kind of code of ethics, but was primarily an arrogant killer (as much as he could be in a cartoon) who fought primarily with Spirit and Quick Kick (voiced by wonderfully talented “guy you’ve seen in everything” Francois Chau) as Snake Eyes was largely shunted to the side in the cartoon. The echoes of Sunbow Storm Shadow can be seen in pretty much every non-comic adaptation that followed.

Skipping right over the Dic continuation of the Sunbow cartoon because Storm Shadow actually is a Joe in that, as he was in the comics and figures of the time (and because I haven’t seen it) we come to the 2000′s era.

The Spy Troops and Valor vs. Venom DTV movies had a Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy who got his blood ripped out by Magneto in X2: X-Men United” Ty Olsson) who was essentially his Sunbow self with one major change. He actually had a history with Snake Eyes, and a bitter rivalry. The details are not gone into in either film (you get a little more in the figure file cards and mini-comics of the era) but Storm Shadow accuses Snake Eyes of betraying the Arashikage. The implication being that either Storm Shadow blames Snake Eyes for some crime or another or that there was a schism in clan. 

The File cards of the time movie go from acknowledging Storm Shadow’s time as a Joe, and claiming he’s working with Cobra again for unknown reasons, to establishing their own canon that Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were once best friends and “Sword Brothers” before Storm Shadow fell to the dark side and joined Cobra. Though Storm Shadow’s file card does end with the ominous implication that he’s got his own agenda in working with Cobra (just like his Hama incarnation) the DTV films imply that he’s a Cobra loyalist in addition to his feud with Snake Eyes.

Spy Troops and Valor vs. Venom lead in a semi-canonical way to GI Joe Sigma 6 where Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy whose only other role I recognize is pulling double duty as Zeke Stane and Living Laser in the Iron Man 3 videogame” Tom Wayland) more or less continues the previous two iterations’ version of Storm Shadow. He once again accuses Snake Eyes of some great betrayal that broke their friendship. The GI Joe website at the time includes the detail that Storm Shadow was infiltrating Cobra when he was brainwashed into becoming a loyal Cobra agent. It’s another concession, like his 2001 file card, to Hama’s heroic double agent, while still portraying him in line with Sunbow’s villainous henchman. 

GI Joe Resolute comes next, where we see a departure from any pretense of Storm Shadow being a good guy. Resolute, in many ways, comes off as a gritty direct continuation of the Sunbow series, and it takes Sunbow’s villainous Storm Shadow and strips him of even the token bits of honor and humanity he had. It also, as near as I can tell, begins the trend of Storm Shadow outright resenting Snake Eyes, rather than being his one time friend.

As an irrelevant aside, I have my problems with Resolute but I do love everyone’s character designs and Eric Bauza does a fantastic job as one fourth of the cast. His Sean Connery impression for Destro is particularly inspired.

This brings us to the big ones. GI Joe: RIse of Cobra and GI Joe: Retaliation where Storm Shadow is brought to the big screen by Lee Byung-Hun (who I don’t have a snarky/informative aside for because shamefully despite how prolific he is I’ve only seen him in these movies and The Magnificent 7 remake) and as a child by Brandon Soo Hoo (he’s also been in a lot of stuff, but I particularly liked his turn as Beast Boy in the animated New 52 DC movies).

Lee’s Storm Shadow in the first film falls in line with his portrayals up to this point, probably skewing most closely towards Sunbow. He has a code of ethics (he doesn’t kill women apparently) but he’s still a bad guy and he seems to quite like it. Lee brings a charm to the character that had not really existed up until that point. He also spends a lot of time maskless (and it’s hard to blame the production team for that one, he’s a very handsome dude) which was a shock for anyone who grew up with the 2001 era storm shadow where the thought of him without a mask was so insane that it was relegated to a mail in figure (As a kid I seriously thought he had some Mandalorian style code of not removing it)

His origin in this version takes bits of Hama and bits of Resolute (or Resolute took from this, Resolute came out first but this might have been in development). It is, as far as I can tell, the first version to have Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes train together as children and it portrays Storm Shadow, even as a child, as an arrogant and jealous person.

Now, at least in my opinion, it’s fairly obvious that the first movie fully intended Storm Shadow to be a baddie, full stop. There’s a little wiggle room given that we never see him stab The Hard Master in the flashback (the Hard Master in this version is Storm Shadow’s father rather than his uncle) but the way he taunts Snake Eyes about it during their final confrontation makes a pretty compelling case for his having committed patricide.

The sequel would bring back elements of the Hama backstory. Zartan killed The Hard Master and Storm Shadow had to infiltrate Cobra to discover that. Given Cobra Commander and Storm Shadow are of roughly the same age (Storm Shadow being a bit older I think) and this event occurred when they were both children it’s unclear on who’s orders Zartan did this but we do know it was done to turn the already volatile young man into the perfect angry ninja assassin (given this canon is pretty much over we’ll probably never know for sure, but my guess based on the IDW movie universe comics is that Zartan either did it at the behest of the Red Ninja Clan or just to have a tiny assassin of his own, probably the former since they seem to regard each other as unpleasant colleagues who sometimes work together).

What I particularly like about this version is that, because the first movie portrayed him as this charmingly sadistic Bond Villain henchman, even after he switches sides in the sequel he’s still kind of a belligerent dick. It’s a fun piece of characterization that even once he’s cleared his name, avenged his father, and made his peace with his family, it doesn’t change the fundamental fact that he’s not a very nice person.

This is something that would persist into the next (and for the moment last, but more on that later) onscreen version of Storm Shadow.

GI Joe Renegades (the best GI Joe Cartoon, fight me) saw Storm Shadow (voiced by “holy crap this guy originated the role of Saw Gerrera in Clone Wars” Andrew Kishino) as the leader of the Arashikage Clan (explicitly a crime syndicate, harkening back to implications in Hama’s version) who operates independent of Cobra except very briefly and only to fulfill his own ends (again bringing him closer to Hama’s version than any of his predecessors). Falling in line with the implications of the movie and Resolute, he and Snake Eyes were uneasy classmates more than friends and trained together as teenagers. An attempt to kill Snake Eyes went awry and resulted in the death of the Hard Master (who again, seemed to favor Snake Eyes over his own nephew). Storm Shadow believes Snake Eyes to have killed The Hard Master(somehow failing to connect the dots given his own murder plan failed the same night Snake Eyes allegedly murdered his uncle--or hell he’s probably just in denial until the truth slaps him in the face). 

Also, irrelevant aside number 2, in contrast with Resolute I really don’t like this character design. Renegades had pretty good character design all around, neatly bringing together various versions in a way that felt coherent but I don’t like the little tufts of hair sticking out of the mask or the way it kinda hangs in front of his mouth. Is he hiding his face or not? It seems like he’s not so much wearing a mask as a bandana and an oversized turtleneck.

This version neatly ties together the “Snake Eyes betrayed us” of the early 2000′s, the “arrogant unfavorite” of the mid 2000s and the “out for justice assassin” of Hama’s run. He is, again, an arrogant prick from the start, but his genuine shame and resolve to abandon his quest for vengeance and his extremely short partnership with Cobra make his eventual redemption (or the start of what you assume would have been a longer redemption arc had the series continued) more believable than the live action movies--if a mite less fun.

And that’s where it ends, at least until the much delayed Snake Eyes live action movie is finally released, where Storm Shadow is set to be played by “guy from the best episode of American Gods Season 2″ Andrew Koji. I quite like the look of the cast of this movie, and I’m excited to see what Koji brings to the role. Will Storm Shadow be arrogant, murderous, honorable, charming, brooding, misunderstood, cruel, vengeful...some impossible combination of all of the above? We’ll have to wait and see.

*Including the various alternate comic book versions probably would have painted a more complete picture, but I’ve only read Hama’s run and the IDW reboot (where Storm Shadow is kind of a non-entity), besides this was more about tracing Storm Shadow through the adaptations I watched as a kid.

*None of the adaptations seem to go with Hama’s original detail that Storm Shadow and Jinx were from Northern California. On the one hand I see why you transplant them to Japan with the rest of their family (it’s a globetrotting element and makes the cast more cosmopolitan) but I always liked the idea of that they were children of immigrants.

*Adaptations have been touch and go about casting Japanese actors in the role but I was impressed to find out that Sunbow cast Japanese Americans as both Storm Shadow and Jinx, making them probably the most faithful casting in relation to their original backstories.

*Apologies for my complete inability to get screenshots of roughly the same size or resolution.

[youurelovely]

My fav things y’all use to write obi wan:

- shy about nerd interests

- READY to protect at ANY time

- Humble to the point of self destruction

- arrogant enough to assume his mistakes give him more responsibility when things go wrong

- *has broken ribs* *refuses medical wing*

- angst about qui gon related abandonment issues

- all of this poor man’s abandonment issues

- angst about any childhood related dilemmas

- his padawan is his favorite person and ALSO a huge bag of dicks, yes he is aware of this

- *in a dangerous situation* *flirts*

- reading is a big hobby of his

- oh God why the fuck am I on the council? what would qui gon say? Is this a joke? What do they want from me? Playcoolplaycoolplaycool. Yes I know what I am doing. No Cody I’m fine I don’t need the medical wing.

- his precognition and visions about future

- REALLY TERRIFYING VISIONS but ya know he’s fine totally even tho his master refused to train his ability and he DOES NOT understand it

- his precognition leads him to hoarding things

- stewjoni lore!! Real or made up for the fic I love it

- *sees a mandalorian* *insert it’s free real estate meme here*

- literally obi wan + mandalore in all situations

- knowing lots of languages

- having personal experiences with slavery so he makes extra exceptions for anakin because while their experiences aren’t the SAME he is desperate to help him (like not making anakin call him master or explaining things to help his mental health)

- obi wan vs the senate

- obi wan hates most of the senate bc of nasty senators BUT padme and bail are friends of his

- obi wan also is low key bail’s sugar baby but what his padawan doesn’t know won’t kill him

- obi wan thought his padawan was a knight now but it turns out not only is he still in charge of anakin buT ALSO Ahsoka

- *is forcefully moved to his bed for a nap* *doesnt take nap* *is sat on* *takes nap*