#physically intimate is the question related to

[pomefioredove]

Hi! This is very very specific, but…I've had a rough start to my day today, kinda relating to the topic of my request…

So I was wondering, would it be alright to request HCs of Jamil, Ruggie, Leona, Floyd and Rollo with a Reader who runs into an emotionally abusive/manipulative parent they haven't seen in a long time? The kind of subtle abuse that's hard to tell (from the inside, at least) is even abuse at all, and makes you doubt yourself a lot. Kinda narcissistic abuse

Kind of a hurt/comfort thing? Like how they'd deal with the bad parent and the Reader opening up a bit about it. Romantic or platonic, either one is good

Feel more than free to ignore if this kind of request isn't your thing: that's totally fine, I understand it's a bit heavy, not to mention very specific, so please do what makes you feel best. I hope you have a good day!

ahhh of course! I relate to this sort of thing a lot (although I don't use terms like narcissistic abuse since abuse is just abuse to me) and I know exactly what you mean. I love hurt/comfort and you're well within my boundaries since the only thing I wouldn't write pertaining to this topic is intimate partner abuse (like with an s/o). so you're perfectly fine! I enjoyed writing this <3

summary: comforting a reader with an abusive parent type of post: short fics characters: jamil, ruggie, leona, floyd, rollo additional info: reader is not specified to be yuu ("shrimpy" is used as a nickname during floyd's part tho), reader is gender neutral, food mention (ruggie's part), actual interaction w the parent happens during leona and rollo's parts, mentions/descriptions of emotional abuse, although reader is kinda vague about it

Jamil Viper

Jamil knows what it's like to feel stuck.

That's really all he has to know when he recognizes that look on your face.

Perhaps you usually wear your heart on your sleeves, or perhaps you're better at keeping your emotions to yourself, like him, but either way he can tell something is very wrong the second he sees you.

It's a bit strange, isn't it?

Surrounded by people in the cafeteria and yet no one seems to notice the shadow cast over you.

He tries to talk himself out of it for the rest of the day. He has enough on his plate as it is, and it's not his problem. He's Kalim's keeper, not yours.

But that sense of unease doesn't go away.

He drags himself out of bed and somehow finds himself at your door in the dead of night.

And even though it takes you a moment to answer, he can tell you were already awake.

"Here," he says, handing you a warm meal in a container. "I noticed you didn't eat today. We had leftovers."

You don't feel very much like eating, but you accept the gift, anyway. It smells amazing. His cooking always does.

"Thank you," you mumble.

You can't think of anything else to say.

"Are you... well, Kalim sent me to ask if you're feeling unwell," he lies through his teeth.

"I'm fine,"

Another lie, this time of your behalf, which annoys him ever-so-slightly.

"You're clearly not. Are you sick?" the question is vague enough, said in such a way that leaves you with the impression that he wasn't exactly referring to a physical illness.

"I've... had a rough day,"

Jamil is quiet for a moment, thinking to himself. And then: "Do you mind if I come in?"

He's always so careful with his words that such a direct (yet polite) request almost catches you off guard. You step to the side, letting him in your room.

"I don't mean to pry. I know it's not my place," he says, watching you close the door. "But... Kalim is worried. Yes."

You shake your head. "It's fine. I'll get over it,"

It.

What did "it" mean? Surely this couldn't just be a lousy day.

"Did something happen?"

You hesitate.

"Have you ever... ran into someone who made your life miserable? That you thought you moved on from... and it starts to feel like you're stuck in that place all over again?"

Of course. Of course he knows what that feels like.

He has to live through that exact experience every day, without even being able to move on.

But he can't just say that. And this is about you, after all.

"I'm familiar with the feeling. I suppose that's what's ruined your day, then?"

"That's one way to put it," you sigh, sitting at the edge of your bed. "Sometimes it feels like all the progress I've made is just... null. Like I'll never really move on."

He hates how much he's relating to you. How much you're affecting him, now, too.

He follows you to the bed and sits beside you.

"Someday, though, you will. It may feel hopeless now, but... you won't stay stuck forever,"

Unlike me, he thinks.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can't be. But you don't strike me as someone to give up after hardship,"

Like me.

You're quiet for a moment, seemingly considering what he told you. And then you hug him.

A nice, soft hug. Not abrasive or sudden like the ones Kalim gives. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

"Thank you, Jamil,"

He hugs back. "Of course,"

Ruggie Bucchi

It was almost painful, watching you fumble with your wallet like that.

You couldn't seem to get the proper amount out, shaking like a leaf and apologizing profusely. Sam keeps telling you it's okay, but the line forming behind you is starting to grow restless.

Ruggie included.

He has places to be, after all, and he's got two whole crates of energy drinks to lug back to Savanaclaw.

He has half a mind to ask what the holdup is.

And so, he peers over your shoulder, ready to- oh, no. You're crying.

Damn it. Why can't things ever be easy for him?

He can't even chew someone out for taking up all his precious time without being thrown a curveball. And now he feels bad.

Sigh.

"Hey, I got this," he says, setting his heavy crates down on the counter and flashing a card.

Your eyes widen. "Oh, no, Ruggie, you don't have to-"

"Relax, it's Leona's money, not mine," he offers a grin, ignoring the tears trailing down your face. "He won't even notice it's missing."

The line behind you two breathes a collective sigh of relief (much to your embarrassment) and Ruggie shoots them a glare.

"I... I still can't accept this-" you start, before he quickly shushes you.

"Hey, if you wanna make it up to me, you can help me carry these things. I'll call it even,"

You're silent for a moment as Sam finishes ringing you both up, and then you take a crate. As quiet as ever. It's unnerving.

You're walking back to the Hall of Mirrors when Ruggie breaks that silence by bringing up your purchase. "So, what's up with the afternoon snack? Not that I'm judging- I'm jealous. I skipped lunch, shishishi,"

"Oh, it's nothing," you mutter. "Comfort food, I guess."

The concept of comfort food is extremely appealing to him. "Huh. Long day?"

"Something like that... Why'd you skip lunch?"

Trying to change the conversation topic? Clever. But he'll bite, anyway.

"Leona forgot some of his class stuff, so I had 'ta run and get it. Too bad he forgot where he left it... I was all over campus,"

"Did you find it?"

"Eventually. Or else I'd be busy getting my neck wrung instead of 'bein here with you,"

You nod, and the conversation swiftly dies.

After another awkward beat, he clears his throat. "So you... you wanna talk about it, or something?"

"What?"

"You know, your... your day," he mutters, shrugging. He's desperately trying to remember all of the things his grandma did for him when he was upset as a child. "Talking about it might... make 'ya feel better, y'know?"

You're quiet again, and for a moment Ruggie is worried he said something to offend you.

Then, much to his relief, your voice picks up. "I ran into someone today,"

"What? Like someone was giving you trouble?"

"No, not a student. Someone I don't see very much anymore. Um... I guess it just threw me off,"

He tilts his head to the side. "Why?"

"I don't... well, we don't get along very much. Something about them just makes me feel... very... small. Insignificant,"

You don't ask if he understands what you mean, but he does. Not that he'd ever admit that so openly to you at a time like this, but being small and insignificant is basically his job.

And as much as he likes the perks, he can imagine how rough it would be to deal with that and not get to use a bottomless credit card whenever the opportunity presented itself.

He struggles to respond for a moment.

"That's rough,"

Definitely not the sympathetic response he was going for. At least you don't seem to mind.

"I-I mean, sometimes we have to act small to survive. It's a part of life, 'ya know? But that doesn't mean you are small. Just surviving on its own is an accomplishment," he recovers from his earlier blunder, trying to smile. "You should be proud of yourself, if anything."

"That's..." you say. "That's one way of looking at it."

He sighs. "I'm not expressing myself very well, am I? What I'm trying to say is that you're not small or insignificant, and living life feeling like you are is a survival tactic at best,"

The both of you stop in front of Savanaclaw, and he offers another grin.

"And if you ever wanna talk about this stuff... well, I'm around... And you can come inside now, if you want. I could definitely find more stuff to carry!"

Leona Kingscholar

Leona Kingscholar is very, very much enjoying parent weekend alone, thank you.

Of course his folks don't want to attend a school event for their disappointment of a second son. Why would they care? And on Cheka's birthday weekend, no less...

But that didn't bother him. Not at all.

As long as he slept through the weekend without being bothered by any happy-go-lucky nuclear family units, he'd live.

That plan lasts about five hours.

"You'd be better off doing something more useful with your time. Sports, or science, or... something that might help your future. But if you're so sure... I suppose it's better to cut our losses now than put any more faith in you. You just can never decide, can you?"

That voice. Unfamiliar, but drawling, laced with poison. Aggravating enough to stir Leona from his nap in the botanical gardens.

And it's getting closer.

"I just don't understand. Why get accepted into one of the most prestigious schools in the world just to spend your time goofing off?" a long sigh. "But as long as you're happy... we just want what's best for you."

Leona grumbles, turning over and trying to drift back to sleep.

"I'm trying,"

This voice is different. No- he recognizes it. It's yours.

"Are you? You know I know what's best for you, right?"

Sevens. This is your parent speaking to you? No wonder you've been acting all jittery lately.

He sits up, giving up on his nap, and continues listening in.

"I know," you say. "I really am trying, though."

"Did I say you weren't? Don't speak for me,"

This is getting ugly. Leona stands, stepping out of the shrubbery and clearing his throat behind the two of you.

You're the first to turn. "Oh- Leona! Sorry, we didn't mean to disturb you,"

"You're fine," he snaps, sharp eyes turning to your parent beside you. "Who's this, then?"

"This is-"

"Their parent," they go ahead and introduce themselves, cutting you off as if you weren't speaking at all. Like you're a piece of furniture hanging in the background. He's not a fan.

"Really? From the way you were talking, I would have guessed that you were their coach. Or boss,"

Your eyes dart between the two. "Leona-"

"You're fine," he reaffirms. "I was just looking for you, anyway. We really have to talk."

You pause, raising an eyebrow. He? Wants to talk to you? Now?

"Is it important?" your parent asks. The question is directed at you, although he answers.

"Very. I was just coming to ask you, very politely, I might add, to reconsider my offer,"

"Your... offer...?"

Your parent looks down at you. "What's he talking about?"

"Can't blame you for forgetting. I'm sure you're busy with all your... school... things. But I do have to ask you to rejoin the spelldrive club. We're in shambles without you,"

He gives you a certain look, one that clearly reads "Go along with it."

Leona Kingscholar offering an olive branch to someone is a rare occurrence. So you take it.

"Oh! Right, I have been busy with school. I've been meaning to get back to you..."

Your parent looks between the two of you with just the faintest hint of confusion, and then frustration. "You've been playing spelldrive? When was I going to hear about this?"

"They haven't been playing with us," Leona says, a small smirk already forming. "They're the team manager. They're way too smart to be out on the field- no, they're running the team, they're organizing everything, their strategy is like nothing we've ever seen. If only they were in Savanaclaw, we might have a chance at winning one of these years."

"Uhhh..." you start, looking between your parent and the oddly friendly and receptive clone that's replaced Leona. "...Yeah, right."

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we really have to discuss official club matters," he says, shooing away your parent until they eventually give in and leave.

As soon as they're out the door, you turn to him. "What w-"

"Are you alright?" he asks.

Stunned would be an understatement. "I'm fine,"

"Really? Cause you're looking at me like a gazelle caught in headlights,"

"I-I guess it's just been hard... having them here,"

Leona nods, closing his eyes as he thinks to himself. Then, he sighs.

"Yeah. I get that. Come on, then,"

You raise an eyebrow as he starts off in the opposite direction. "What? Where are we going?"

"Somewhere quiet and warm to nap. Being around that person sucked all the energy right out of me, I can't imagine how exhausted you feel,"

He turns to look over his shoulder with a smile. "With any luck, we'll avoid them for the rest of the weekend,"

Floyd Leech

Of course, he can tell something's up right away.

Well... maybe it takes him a little while to tune into the conversation, but once he does, he notices you've been... awfully quiet throughout it.

His favorite little shrimpy? All sad? Moping around like a kicked puppy?

Now this catches his attention.

"Bored?" he asks. It's his first guess.

"Hm?" you ask, looking back at him. "No, I'm fine."

"But you're not,"

"Okay, I'm a little distracted,"

Now that, he can understand. But there's still something very off about the whole thing that he can't quite put his finger on.

"You're not telling me something," he states, matter-of-factly, crossing his arms.

You raise an eyebrow. "...And?"

"And I wanna know. I'm not letting you leave until you tell me,"

Your thought process is probably ranging somewhere between "oh, no," and "oh NO," by now.

"I sweaaar, it's nothing," you insist. "I just had a bad day, okay?"

"Why?"

There's no turning back now. He's invested, and until he loses interest, you're stuck here.

"It was... just... long. Can I go now? I have things to do,"

He frowns, and stands, and then puts you in a headlock. "Alright, where're we 'goin?"

"FLOYD!"

He drags you along with him, remembering not to be too rough as he takes you from place to place on his dailies. You begrudgingly learn to accept it.

When you walk back into the Mostro Lounge, Azul and Jade don't even bat an eye.

"You're thirty minutes late- ah, why do I bother?" Azul says, rifling through a stack of papers on his desk. He only looks up when he catches a glimpse of you. "Oh. Hello, there."

You wave half-heartedly. "Can I get some help?"

"Floyd. What is the meaning of this?" he asks.

Floyd pouts. "There's 'somethin wrong with them and they won't tell me what,"

"Are they ill?"

You lower your eyes at the two as they speak like you're not even there. "Hello?"

"Nah, they feel fine. They're all mopey, though,"

Azul hums to himself, lost in thought. And then: "Well, figure out what it is, and get to work, if you please,"

"Azul!" you shout. He ignores you.

Floyd drags you back outside the office and sits down with you at one of the tables, waving to concerned lounge-goers as they pass by.

"Now will you tell me?"

"Geez, alright, alright. I give up, you win," you sigh. "I... well, my parent was here earlier. At school. And we talked, and they... said some not-very-nice things to me. That's why I've been upset, okay?"

Floyd's smile immediately drops. "I win? But that's not a very good prize,"

"Tell me about it,"

"Why would anyone be mean to you, anyway? You're the best shrimpy I know!"

You avert your eyes. "It wasn't... mean... per se. Just... not nice,"

"Sounds mean to me," he mutters. "I don't get it."

"Well, sometimes these things just... don't make sense. It's my fault, anyway," you sigh.

His gaze sharpens at that. "'An who told you that? You didn't do anything! I'm starting to really dislike this parent of yours,"

His sudden mood swing doesn't phase you, but it does lift your spirits... just the tiniest bit. Even if you wouldn't admit that to yourself. "Hey, it's fine. I'm over it,"

"You sure you don't want me to squeeze 'em?"

"Heh. No, that's okay. I would like you to let me go, though,"

His eyes widen at the sudden realization he still has you in a headlock and he quickly releases you.

You sit up, stretching and rubbing the back of your neck. "Thanks,"

"My arm was starting to hurt, anyway..." he thinks for a moment, looking back to the office door. "Ya think I can use that to get out of working? I wanna spend more quality time with my favorite shrimpy. You could use it!"

You look to the door and shrug. "Hey, worth a try, right?"

Rollo Flamme

Out of all the things to ruin the day, of course it had to be your parent.

The disappointment between the two of you was palpable. And even though it was only a brief encounter, it was enough to sour the rest of the afternoon for the both of you.

The first thing Rollo noticed, of course, was the manner in which they carried themselves. As an authoritative, important figure, puffing out their chest and towering over you. What gave them the right...?

They were not a leader, nor a public figure, nor anyone of interest, if your earlier mentions of them gave him any idea. Nothing but an adult who spoke to the both of you as if you were tiny children.

He loathed being talked down to.

Perhaps he should have said something sooner than he did, and perhaps he should have said something more than the interruption he used to excuse you from the conversation.

And now you're just quiet.

"Are you well?" he asks, looking at you from the corner of his eyes.

You shrug.

"I apologize for not speaking on your behalf sooner. I did not want to be rude,"

No response at all.

Your silence was driving him mad. He couldn't get a good read on what you were feeling when you kept looking away like that.

"If you'd like to return home early, I would understand and escort you promptly,"

"No,"

A response. Not a good one, but a response nonetheless.

"May I ask you a question?" though he doesn't really wait for your permission to go on. "Why do they speak to you like that?"

That comment seems to jolt you, and you turn to look at him with wide eyes. "What? Speak to me like what?"

He struggles for the right words.

How could he describe it? It was so... odd. The words they spoke to you didn't sound cruel, but there was something sinister lurking beneath them. And not even in the typical "polite for the sake of it" sense.

Each response they gave was laced with a sort of venom that seemed to sting you. You had grown quiet, distant, as if you weren't really there at all.

Of course he was familiar with such tactics. He could weave his own words with ease. But you had done nothing wrong- you were guiltless. Why were you being punished?

He couldn't quite come up with an answer.

"You seemed uncomfortable," he finally says, looking away again. "I apologize for such an experience happening to you under my watch."

"It's not your fault,"

"It certainly isn't. And it's not yours, either,"

A blanket of silence falls over the two of you until he speaks again.

"You have nothing to feel bad about," he reaffirms.

Another pause.

"And I don't mean to intrude. But if you ever need my assistance, you know where to find me,"

[misslovasstuff]

no it’s not relevant for the plot. it’s relevant for the idea of Sanji that I have in my head 👍

[ravens-two]

PAC: Your Person's Thoughts About You 18+

This reading includes:

your person's dirty thoughts about you

The extended reading includes:

their reaction to these thoughts

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone. Also, this content is 18+ only!

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Judgment, Moon

"Devotion save me now/ I don't wanna stray from the hallowed ground/ I'll turn temptation down" Hurts - Devotion

The first thing I'm getting from this pile is that your person wants to see you naked. It's actually really interesting because this is supposed to be about their dirty thoughts (and well in a way it is), but this naked is almost like moving beyond your physical body. They want to see you for who you really are without any reservations on your part. This can be a bit of a kink for them too. It's almost like unravelling you during sex. They also want to have you completely at their mercy. For some of you this will be a bit more bdsm-y while for others not so much. In general, what I mean by this is that they want you to fully trust them and let them do the work. It's like putting your pleasure completely in their hands.

Going back to the naked thing though, it might be that you two haven't been intimate yet and they keep imagining what you'll look like when there aren't any clothes on you. Or it might be that you have been intimate and it's almost like the image of your naked body is seared in their brain. They couldn't forget it even if they wanted to and it's a thought that just keeps popping up for them randomly. I actually think that one of the reasons that they can't stop thinking about it is because of the energy that you gave off. This is hard to explain, but in the moment it was like there was something supernatural about you, the way you surrender completely to your seductive and animal side is/was very enchanting for your person.

This person is also dreaming about kissing you pile 1, especially your neck. I also get the vibe that they want to mark you, like leaving hickeys or bite marks. It seems that they're the type of person that likes to leave something to remember them by. I keep hearing that they just want to take you in their arms. Again, there's this vibe that they are the most dominant energy and want you to surrender to them (but this doesn't really feel like power-exchange honestly). They want to worship your body (this also fits the song that you got tbh).

They might also fantasize about having sex in a taboo place or out in nature (maybe both for some of you). They might want to have sex in a lake or a secluded place out in the woods. For some people they might want to do it in a graveyard (Mary Shelly would approve lol) or like another person's bedroom or in a place where you could get caught. I also think that they want to have sex all night long, going as long as you both can and then be completely exhausted.

For some you they also wish that you would let yourself be a little wilder. There's this vibe that they think that you are kinkier than you act (you might seem too in control or put together during the act for their liking) and they would love it if you showed this side of yourself. They also know that in part it's a question of trusting them enough, so that would really do it for them too - knowing that you trust them like that.

Pile 2

Star, Tower

"When I first saw you/ The end was soon/ To Bethlehem it slouched/ And then it must have caught a good look at you" Hozier - NFWMB

Hi pile 2, your person's dirty thoughts about you are quite interesting because I keep getting this idea that they will have a dirty thought, indulge in it for a moment, and then they'll feel bad about it. It's like they try to repress these thoughts because they think that they're somehow disrespectful to you. It might be that you aren't in a relationship with this person yet, and this is what cause these feelings, because you don't know that they see you like this.

A bit like pile 1, your person also thinks about seeing you naked. I feel like 90% of their 18+ thoughts are about your naked body. It might be them imagining what you would look like or just remembering your body. Unlike pile 1 there isn't this vibe of wanting you to surrender to them or seeing you undone, your person just wants to admire you in all your glory. They think that you're breathtaking and it honestly makes them a bit weak in their knees. It's actually more likely that your person wants to submit to you than the other way around. They also want to get on their knees and worship you, so this is probably oral sex. With the Tower here as well I'm seeing a lot of orgasms for both of you, explosive and maybe a bit mind-shattering. I'm hearing someone say that they've been "fucked dumb", so yeah, that could be one of their fantasies too. There's also something here about squirting and/or cum play as well. If your person has a penis they probably want to paint you with their cum, most likely your face, chest or back.

If you have breasts your person is also obsessed with them. They love the way they look (no matter the size) and really want to play with them. If you don't have breasts this could still be about your nipples. They're also pretty obsessed with your thighs and some of them want to get crushed between them. Again, there's this vibe that they want to please you so bad. It's not that they're really submissive, but they want to give you as much pleasure as humanly possible.

Your person also fantasizes about making love to you instead of fucking. They want the sex to be loving, safe and healing for the both of you. They also think about having shower/bath sex with you. Or they might get more dirty thoughts about you when they're in the shower. There's also something about cleanliness here, so it could be that your person enjoys/imagines cleaning you up after sex.

Pile 3

Nine of Wands, Two of Wands

"Love is our resistance/ They'll keep us apart, and they won't stop breaking us down/ Hold me/ Our lips must always be sealed" Muse - Resistance

Pile 3, your person seems to be quite kinky. The first thing I'm seeing here is bondage. They imagine tying you up and maybe even using blindfolds. This could be like full bondage or maybe just using handcuffs (it's going to change a bit from person to person), whatever it is your person wants to restrain you. I'm even seeing that for some of you your person kind of wants to tie you up just to look at you. There's a hint of voyeurism here, so they might want to take pictures or videos of you and enjoy the thought of "what if someone saw this". It might go even a little bit further and they imagine someone walking on you or you two doing it in a public place right in front of everyone. I think that is biggest motivation for them is that they are super proud of being by your side and want to show you off.

Another thing that they imagine is fingering you. They get a lot of enjoyment from your pleasure so they imagine getting you off with just their fingers. Actually I just got a very detailed visual of you mostly naked while they're still completely clothed and their fingers inside of you. When it comes to positions your person imagines you two having sex standing up or bending you over something.

Just like pile 1 your person wants to see you completely undone and unraveled. They imagine you after sex with your hair all messed up, marks all over your body, covered in fluids, and an hazy look in your eyes. Yeah, just very very messy. Your person doesn't seem to be too shy about their desires though. They also want to have multiple rounds with you. They want to have sex with you for as long as you physically can. Again they want to see you completely exhausted. I actually keep seeing more about fingering and oral sex rather than penetration, so your person tends to imagine more about this types of acts. It might be that they're actually a bit shy about doing these things in real life so they like to imagine it.

Your person also likes to imagine sexual scenarios with a lot of action and adventure. They have a very fertile imagination. They might imagine themselves as an hero who rescues you and then you two have sex. They might really enjoy role-playing. They also imagine sex that progresses your relationship. Besides the kinkier stuff, they might imagine making love to you and being truly intimate and vulnerable with you. Honestly, this person just wants to be with you and they enjoy making up scenarios with you.

Pile 4

Five of Cups, Ace of Wands

"You lose your way, just take my hand/ You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again/ Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am" Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex

Pile 4, your pile seems like the most emotional, at least at first sight. One of your person's biggest fantasies is being comforted by you through sex. They like to imagine themselves (I'm not sure if it's randomly or when something bad happens) feeling down or going through a rough situation and coming to you to be comforted. They imagine you taking them in your arms, holding them, kissing them and slowly taking off their clothes. They imagine you on your knees giving them oral sex and then you two having slow, loving sex. There might even be tears here. Like they're feeling so emotional from what happened and from how loved they are by you that they just tear up or cry a bit. I think that the biggest fantasy here is feeling loved tbh. I also think that your song and the lyrics that I chose are really fitting for your person. They really want you to take their hand and steer the boat when they're feeling lost.

With the Ace of Wands here they're also really passionate and want the sex between you to feel hot and heavy, to truly envelop the two of you. They might also think about wax play or temperature play. There's something here about the differences in temperature between your body and other objects. They also want to kiss all over your body. They're very connected to their body sensations, especially about warmth. I don't really know how to explain it. They crave the feeling of your hot mouth on them (and other things too).

Something that's a bit kinkier and that might be a bit off-putting for some people, but they also imagine having period sex with you. The blood doesn't irk them, and they might even finding it a bit hot. I don't want to describe it too much, because the images in my head are quite graphic. But, yeah imagine them playing with the blood a little bit. In general, I think that they have a thing for body fluids, mainly semen and spit from what I'm getting. This is the other pile that might want to paint you with their cum (or the other way around). Also, they imagine you spitting in their mouth. I'm immediately getting that most of these kinkier fantasies about them are something that they see as unrealistic.

Again, this pile is quite emotional and they also like to imagine you two having a fight and being really upset with each other and then having sex. I think that this is such a recurring scenario in their head that they have a lot of variants. They imagine you having loving sex almost as an apology, then they imagine being hatefucked or hatefucking you. Or being denied by you. They have a lot of different scenarios when it comes to this, the only thing in common is you two fighting.

[auspicious-poppy]

Ace moments before I realised I was ace

Thinking celebrity crushes was just an exaggerated way to say X is aesthetically pleasing and that people weren't actually serious. Making up celebrity crushes just to fit in.

Being able to acknowledge that someone is conventionally attractive by beauty standards but not feeling attracted towards them. Friend: "Aren't they hot?? I'm dying over those abs!!!". Me: "I mean sure, they look fit and healthy. shrug".

Making grossed out faces when asked who I would frick during the 'fuck, marry, kill' games. "Look here, the guys in our group are cool and all but even if the opportunity to be intimate with them came, I still wouldn't do it."

Thinking demisexuality was how attraction worked for the vast majority.

Being VERY confused on why the girls in my high school year thirsted over the young male student teacher.

Being genuinely surprised when peers in my high school year got into sexual relationships ("Huh?? Aren't we too young for this?")

Not understanding what people mean by "the butterflies". Never experienced the physical symptoms commonly associated with a crush.

Not understanding why thirst traps are used and thinking 'sex sells' is an obvious lie.

Not understanding the appeal behind hookup culture.

Reading smut fics and thinking the hyperfixations on a character's physical appearance was so "grown up".

Not understanding why abstinence is difficult. ("What do you mean you couldn't resist... just don't do it???")

Not understanding why couples broke up over sex. Not understanding why lack of sex is a deal breaker in relationships. Thinking that I would be perfectly fine if my partner didn't want to be intimate.

Happy ace week everyone. 💜🤍🖤

EDIT: To anyone that's questioning: if you do relate to some of these, there is a possibility you could be on ace spectrum. However, don't take this as THE guide, this is just a recount of my own personal experiences. Instead, I highly encourage you to read up more on asexuality and other ace people's experiences - asexuality is a wide spectrum, and I just happen to fall in the "no attraction whatsoever" side. I'm also happy to answer any questions, feel free to hit me up.

[celestialtarot11]

Cards that indicate a soulmate connection in tarot 💘🤍

2 of cups 🦋🤍- The popular card for a spiritual connection/ a beginning. Where the two see eye to eye on an emotional level, and can meet each others requests. An intuitive, intimate draw between two people, a bond that somehow stays even if there is physical distance. Both know intuitively there is something more to be had, and know it would be for the best if they reached out. A longing for connection, reciprocation and a great time for bonding. Somehow, the universe played a part in these two bumping into one another 🦋🌹

Judgement 💌🌹- Indicates the two knew each other in a previous life, and are here to show each other something else in this lifetime. Usually indicates a lesson shared between the two, and if the two are evolved enough to work through it, the connection ascends deeper and deeper into the heart. A deep sense of familiarity, comfort, and mutual spiritual expansion. Relates to the third eye, the two experience vivid awakenings, together their perception shifts drastically in this lifetime for the better. Absolutely fated, there was no avoiding this person from the start 🌟

10 of cups 🌟🦋- The ultimate fulfillment card! The two come together emotionally fulfilled within themselves to give to a new beginning. Long term emotional fulfillment is present and the two can work towards having a peaceful, stable future. The two can endure conflict and resolve, and come together to create peace and harmony. The two are drawn together because both consciously want a new beginning, and have ended a cycle in their life related to love and relationships. Maturity, and consistency in the connection is present. 10 of cups can usually indicate finally, in this lifetime the two can achieve emotional fulfillment compared to the previous lifetime 🌟

Ace of cups 🌷💘- The ultimate new beginning, where the two feel spiritually intertwined and connected. A spiritual foreground in which the two can discover their hearts truth! Mutual reciprocity, and there is a feeling of lightheartedness, and yet a deep sensual connection. Something that goes beyond the physical. Emotional fulfillment and truth, the Ace represents emotional cleansing and awareness. Rejuvenation after a period of instability, and together the two create peace 🦋🤍 associated with the honeymoon phase of a romantic connection. If friends, the two can get along great and there’s a sense of laughter, and deep joy.

4 of wands 🤍- The wedding venue card! The two feel successful, and walk hand in hand in faith 💘 spiritual union and healing, the two reach a new layer of commitment. The two are proud to be in each others life, and continue to strengthen their emotional and spiritual relationship. The two can celebrate each others path and journey, and rejoice in each others company 🤗 indicates great understanding with one another and mutual passions. If friends, the two get along greatly and are very close to one another!

The Hierophant 🌹- A traditional relationship, and a committed one. A sense of stability, peace and togetherness. Firm and strong, and beautiful 🦋💗 there is a sense of loyalty, and luxury within the relationship. This relationship comes with lessons and spiritual wisdom as well, and it feels like certain events in the connection could be fated, and it often leads to one questioning their religious/spiritual beliefs. Often in an explorative way, not in a negative way!

The Lovers 💘💌- Both people feel like a match made in heaven, as The Lovers often talks about spirit making this person the one for you. Perfect, not in a perfectionist way, but perfect in a sense where it’s enough for the two of you. Your own definition of perfection and bliss in a relationship. Vulnerability, rawness and authenticity are experienced. Strong attraction to the physical, and the mind as its ruled by Gemini. Communication is important between the souls, and with this person, it may feel as if you don’t have to spend your lifetime translating your soul at all. They understand you at a mental level, physical and spiritually, there is telepathy.

The moon 🌙✨- Psychic, deep and mysterious connection. A connection requiring a travel into the unknown. Someone who catches your interest, but in an unexpected way. The relationship is marked by telepathy, dream communication, and astral travel. Synchronicity is important, it’s the way the two communicate in the spirit realm. This card indicates the two knew each other in a past lifetime, and are here to discover the intuitive truths of this connection. Raw, deep, and immersive, emotionally powerful. The two somehow know each others feelings without having to say it, and the two understand their emotional network 🌟✨

6 of cups 🌹💘- The true sweetheart, the best friend and patient lover. A tolerant lover, and gentle one. Whether it’s a friend or not, both people feel their inner child’s can be expressed in a raw way. The emotion expressed is honest, pure, and genuine. Connected through many past lives, and this card indicates deep familiarity and comfort. A sense of home is within the connection and peace. Excitement and fun follow the two, and exploration of the world. The two learn from one another and end up inspired continuously.

Thank ya’ll for reading 🤗💗 I hope ya’ll enjoyed and feel free to comment, like and reblog! All the support is appreciated.

Paid readings 🤍

[kaicubus]

Dating Spencer Reid

₊˚⊹♡ ∘₊ ───────────── ₊˚⊹♡ ∘₊ ─────────────── ₊˚⊹♡ ∘₊

warnings ✩° : fluff headcanons, cursing(?).

pairing ✩° : spencer reid x gn!reader mostly, some fem!reader specifically

authors note ✩° : college makes me want to puke out of anxiety but it's storming here so i decided to get some content out for all of you!! thank you for being here as always, succubabies, even when i don't post, you mean the world to me!

────────────────────────────────────────────

Spencer Reid is the master of understanding. That’s not just because he’s gifted in his line of work and anything he has an interest in, it’s also because he’s very observant. When you don’t think Spencer’s paying attention, he is, and he’ll make his presence known if that’s the case with a fun fact.

One thing about Reid is that he likes to interrupt you. It’s a fun quirk he has where he’ll say whatever’s on his mind because he doesn’t want to lose his train of thought, and it comes off as a very obscure fact starting off with, ‘Y/n did you know—‘

Everything about him is so effortlessly attractive. Come on. Looking at him really just sucks the breath out of you, and for him it’s the exact same.

Spencer is also just effortlessly funny, and for the most part he’s not even trying to be funny, he’ll be genuinely curious about something but have the answer in front of him in a way that makes it impossible for you not to giggle at his obliviousness.

As your partner in both romantic relations and work relations, Spencer is able to maintain his identity as being a top agent and also the best boyfriend.

He takes everything you say way more seriously than anyone else, in the sense of something about him or something you want to be done.

Spencer is whipped for you 24/7, there's no denying that. He's constantly looking up at you with big, puppy eyes, asking questions and following you around. Bonus points if you're shorter than him so it looks even funnier.

If Spencer ever gets on your nerves, he won't understand why, and he'll go to Penelope or Emily or even Derek at times, who usually gives the best advice. Armed with ways he wasn't clear on before, he apologizes and makes you feel better instantly.

His guilty pleasure has to be face touching. It’s so specific, but he loves it when you caress the side of his face and turn it towards you, or turn his head up by his chin. But if you grab his neck with both hands settling below his jawline? Gone.

Spencer Reid’s love language would have to be physical touch or quality time. He loves being near you at all times, bumping elbows, touching knees, or interlocking fingers, because it gives him the satisfaction of knowing you’re safe and protected by him. In a way, being so close to you counts as quality time spent, which is what he also really loves. If you guys are on a case? He’s the one following you around (if he doesn’t wander off and do his own thing) and he’s the one suggesting new ideas and approaches all while being next to you basically touching hips.

He’ll melt if you run your fingers through his hair. Any massage on his head, really.

Something intimate he does is kissing the back of your hand while holding it and while looking up or down at you. He likes watching you get flustered and ends up pressing a few more kisses against your knuckles.

When you two become more comfortable with your relationship, PDA becomes more known. Little quick kisses if he passes by you in a hall or something, then walking away like nothing even happened is something that happens a lot.

Spencer likes to single you out in group discussions, asking how YOU feel, asking YOU what should be done next, or asking how YOU see the situation. If you give him an answer he doesn’t agree with, he won’t embarrass you or anything, he’ll just ask you to elaborate. Communication!

Because he singles you out, everyone kind of catches on and playfully shakes their head at his sometimes very sad attempts at being cute with you in public. But it is adorable.

When he kisses you, Spencer breathes out, almost like a sigh of relief. Afterwards, he strokes your hair or back and comments how much he liked the kiss, or likes you.

Spencer’s an observer, but he’s also really bad with people. He can tell when somethings wrong, but most of the time he asks it the completely wrong way. He truly cares and wants to know what’s happening if you’re upset, but his execution is…poor.

His friends, your friends, and your fellow FBI agents are all basically a part of your relationship. They're constantly asking about how everything's going for your sake and his sake. Even on dates, they show up in disguise just to get the inside scoop on the Reid x Y/n target couple.

Let's say. Fancy mission. Have to dress up. Right? Spencer will tie your dress, put your shoes on, and clasp your necklace together. After each thing, he'll kiss the area.

Hotchner gets fed up with him as if you're in the room or near by, Spencer's eyes are on you. Of course, he knows when to focus on something else, but Spencer tends to just stare at you and tune everything else out.

Spencer will get into arguments/debates for you if someone of status wrongs you or pokes the slightest bit of fun at you. He does not let any Y/n slander slide.

Info dumps. No matter where he is. It gets really bad if he's nervous because he'll start to analyze everything, even stupid little things.

He LOVES taking naps with you!! Holding you is all he ever wants in life!! Running his hands over or in your hair, pecking your face with kisses, getting gentle whiffs of your comforting scent!! All of it just makes him lose his mind and go CRAZY.

He won't show it, but he likes the competition and the acknowledgment of knowing he's the genius from you. The praise makes him feel unreal, and from you? Please.

Supporting his love for cowboys. Earning the most sincere, giddiest smile and shrieks of laughter when you gift him small horses or a cowboy hat.

Spencer is a strict germaphobe, but he's way more comfortable holding your hand and hugging you than anyone else. You and Morgan.

[bitchlessdino]

Happy 3K Nana 🥳🥳🥳 I hope your celebration has been going well and, your actual vacation is even better.

Noone perceive me. So, because I have no sense of self-preservation, could I please request a drabble featuring ChanCheol. As long as it's smut related in some way, I leave the rest up to you. I'm excited and terrified to see what your brain comes up with.

Pairing: bf!Seungcheol x fem!reader x chan

Genre: smut, slight humor

Word count: 2.8k

tags: mention of infidelity, mentions of fem oral, banter, exhibitionism, vouyerism, body worship, choking, spitting, spanking, fingering, brief biting, blowjob, degradation, praise kink, brief hair pulling, unprotected sex, double penetration, oral fixation, plot twist

Summary: Being caught doing something you shouldn’t do is a big no-no, especially when it causes Chan to come across a 5’10 unit with muscular stature by the name of Seungcheol, your apparent boyfriend.

author note: how fun. my return i bring you a chancheol fic, pls enjoy as much as i enjoyed writing.

Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @6969lilithcat @wonuhour @camisun93 @emmmui @toruro @jeonride @novalpha @nvmrljk @feat-sun

“You taste like candy.”

His tongue traced your skin as if your sweat was pure concentrated nectar. Your giggles left your lips in a perfect melody, trickling as he made his way down your chest and wrapped them perfectly around the bulb of your nipple.

His moans vibrated off your body. Voice shaking to the point it could’ve been mistaken for weakness, but rather it was the radical opposite. When he replaced the plush felt of his lips to twist you between the pads of his fingers, he splayed effortlessly an intoxicating smile as the words he made left you begging for breath.

“Wanna worship every inch of skin. Fill your pretty pussy to the brim with cum. Make you mine.”

You’d drink every syllable, just as you planned to drink him up.

His bare skin was blistering, burning against yours as your legs hugged his sides. Your digits ran through his hair in fatigued confidence, thumbing over his smooth and flushed cheek. “Promise?” You asked in a sickly sweet voice.

“I’m a very bad liar, but I’m good at a lot of other things.”

You let out a light chuckle before you gripped his hair to meet his needy lips. His body enveloped yours in an overwhelming heat, muzzling your mind with incoherent thoughts. Together you were a symphony of lust, attraction, and animalistic instinct. 

That was then a deep voice made itself known at the bedroom door. It boomed like a loud drum, startling your intimate partner and causing him to jump away from you. He covered his naked body with the blanket kicked off to the corner of the bed, tugging you to his side to keep yourselves hidden beneath it.

Now the shake in his voice resembled fear, pupils trembling back at the intruder. “W-who are you?”

“Ask my question first before I answer yours. Having. Fun?”

Chan’s eyes rapidly blinked for Seungcheol’s, barely meeting the other man’s eyes, clutching the fabric as if letting go would mean letting go of his life. He swallowed with effort, giving a prompt nod of his head, hoping desperately it was a good enough response.

“Now, to answer your question. I’m the boyfriend of the girl you’re fucking.”

You could feel the other body stumble behind you, physically processing the information he had just been told. “B-Boyfriend? Boyfriend?!”

“Yeah.” Seungcheol's steel stiff body took one heavy step over the other until towered over your bodies, eyes piercing back at them in a cold, intimidating gaze. “Boyfriend.”

“Look m-man. I’m sorry. For real. There’s no way I could’ve known.”

Your boyfriend snickered. “You think that’s a fucking excuse to be fucking my goddamn girlfriend?”

“No! No. I mean—“

“What’s your name, kid?”

Chan held the blanket closer, tighter, against him. If he was sweating already from the foreplay, he was shooting bullets of nerves down his forehead from fear. “Please, man. I’ll leave.”

“You think you’re better at fucking her than me? You think your cock can do worse damage?” With every word, there was seething venom on the man’s tongue, burning tension in the already charged air.

Chan violently shook his head. “N-no sir, please I didn’t know. I’ll get out of your way.”

“You think I’ll just let you fuck my girlfriend and not want to know who it is she’s fucking?”

“At this point, I just want to go home. I’m not—“ he gulped, “a home wrecker. Not intentionally anyway—“

“Fuck her in front of me.”

 Chan blinked, “What?”

Seungcheol slyly grinned. “You heard me. Fuck her like I’m not here. Fuck her like she’s yours.” Your boyfriend veered his eyes on you. “That’s just what you want. Isn’t that right, you little succubus?”

You giggled a cheeky grin on your face, clinging to Chan’s arm as you locked eyes with the other man. “Yes, baby. I want him to bury his cock deep inside me until I’m crying.”

Chan shivered, cock tensing underneath the blanket much closer to its initially aroused state as heat crept the back of his neck and across his cheeks.

“Of course you do,” Seungcheol snickered, “my little slut is always so hungry for attention.” He picked up your chin between his fingers before smoothing his thumb over your jaw. “Ask him. I’m sure he’ll do what you say.”

You turned to Chan with the guide of Seungcheol’s friendly hands cascading over your body like silk drapes, they smoothed over your neck and shoulders delicate but with the weight of a ship anchor cupping a single breast. Chan’s face was overwritten with shock, unsure what part of you to look at. “Chan…” you moaned, like a siren calling to a sailor at sea, the weak helpless sailor being Chan.  “Fuck me, please. Fill me to the brim with your cum like you said you would.”

The devil himself let out a shallow breath, the carrot dangling right in front of him. He drew closer to you, hand reaching up to your neck before a digit descended down your neck, “Can I really do that?”

“Of course, you can,” Seungcheol interjected, “Just fuck her like you mean it.” Seungcheol rolled your buds between his finger, eliciting a whimper from within you and your body jerked toward him behind you. “She likes it rough. ‘Enough to leave her sore’ rough. Can you provide? Chan?” He asked him solemnly, the name sounded foreign the way he enunciated it.

“I can,” Chan answered confidently for once, fueled by a festering competitive spirit. “Like I told gorgeous here, I’m a bad liar. I’ll fuck her just how she wants me to.”

“Prove you’re not all talk then.” 

A switch was flipped. The hungry gazes on you had doubled and your heart pounding sound enough to be heard through a vast sea. Chan pushed you against the mattress, caressing the shape of your body as if ingraining the image through touch before the pads of his fingers dug into your plush flesh. 

You felt the unremorseful spat against your already wet pussy, Chan's fingers running sloppily over your slit as his other hand clashed with your ass. His fingers entered you fast and deep, giving you a taste of what was about to come. 

Chan licked his lips at the sight of you, letting his digits push in and out of you as you made those sweet, delectable sounds, looking just as–if not more–delectable yourself. Just like that, his throat was as dry as a drought in a desert, inching closer to your honey-coated folds and  panting to your beckoning until he’s atoms away. He held his gaze to you, a hopeful wish in his heart that the image of your pretty cunt never vanishes or fades from memory. 

It was then Chan was yanked by his blonde hair. Tugged at the root ,wincing out in annoyed pain, he now sneered back at the man who halted Chan's steps towards the gates of his personal heaven. 

Seungcheol slyly grinned back at the bitter-looking individual before forcing his face parallel to his. The elder clicked his tongue as if scolding him, wrapping his fingers tighter around the boy's hair when he felt protest. “You may get to have her, but you don’t get to taste her like I do. Have her anyway but that. She’s still mine.”

Chan muttered some not-so-nice things under his breath before agreeing. He let out a sigh of relief as he was let go,  annoyed now more than scared. “Fine, I’ll have no choice but to show no mercy then.”

Chan dragged you by your thighs and pushed himself against the cushion of your ass. You let out a rich moan as you felt him twitch against you. The head of his cock rubbed against the curve of your posterior before it slid through the divide, teasing you until you practically begged him to put it inside you. 

His responses to your pleas are anything but generous, only kind enough to sting your bottom cheeks with the flat palms of his hand. “So needy…”

He’s surprised to not hear fits of pain, but rather hearty moans of pleasure, urging more harsher strikes to your body that left you in a raw lust. “You like that? You’ll like this even more.”

Even with the warning, nothing prepares you for fullness from Chan making his presence known. His cock filled you with strain, stretching you to your wits. “Chan…”

“Whining already? I barely put it in.”

The smug in his voice only made you want him more, making you claw at your sheets like an undomesticated pet. 

“Excuse her,” Seungcheol entered, “She can act out at times.”

“Then I’ll put her in her place.”

Seungcheol chuckled, counting character points Chan has just gained from his response. “I like the way you think.”

Every thrust had the power of every fully winded stroke of his hand, slamming both your cheeks against the heat of his lap. Your face once buried in your face rose up to the surface by Chan’s vice grip on the column of your neck. The moment he made contact, you could feel the closing of your airways as he compressed around the girth, not once faltering as you swallowed every inch of cock.

Your cheek to his face, he could listen to every choked breath hardly escaping. “Take it. You said you like it rough, didn’t you? Until you cry, right?”

“Y-yes…m-more…”

“He’s fucking you that good?” The glint in your boyfriend's eyes excited you, as well as the permanent grin on his face as he moved dangerously close. “Needy little slut taking a stranger’s dick while I watch? You like that?”

“Yes, baby. He’s fucking me so good. His dick makes me so full.”

“Such a cute thing you are. Just you want until I get my hands on you too. Chan, stretch her mouth open. Warm her up for me.”

You felt another hand creep against your face, tugging you at the corner of your mouth. Through your gags, Chan managed to gradually insert each digit until there none were left. He could feel every finger coat in your thick salvia, plunge deeper as his cock rocked in you faster, heartier. 

Meanwhile, your front watched Seungcheol take apart his clothes. Every muscle, every pec, every ab in place and none the other wise. Your voice broke out in anguish as he exposed himself from his trousers, his lengthy cock making an appearance like the star of the show. Your eyes trailed his hand through every stroke, every squeeze, watching as he edged himself in a controlled manner. You wanted to relieve him of that burden, make it so it choked around your throat instead, but you knew you’d get the pleasure soon enough.

“Stay as pretty as you are, little succubus.”

Your boyfriend replaced Chan’s fingers, filling a space that fit what he offered rather cohesively like two perfect pieces of a puzzle. You blinked back your tears, hot moisture running down your face furiously as his cock massaged the inside your mouth and eventually down your throat, hitting you head first.

“That’s it,” he winced, “pretty little mouth taking cock like it’s what you’re made to do.”

He took the back of your head to make you bob on him, the squelching sounds music to his ears. 

“That’s so hot,” Chan commented in a breathy speech, “take him deeper.”

You were shaking, being used past your limits, and filled to the brim with cock on both ends. At this point, your eyes could only make out shapes and colors, blurred by your tears and loss of oxygen. The only coherent thought of holding cum inside you running through your mind. Their grunts were your background music, and the praises, and degradation was the melody. You begged through choked sounds as if you were on your last leg, not caring how much in pain you’d be in the aftermath. 

“Came twice already and you are begging for more?” 

“She’s very greedy. You want us to cum in you, little whore? Can you take being that full?”

Physically speaking, you were sure if you had a straight answer, but mentally, the thought made your stomach churn incredulously. You nodded, echoing every yes you had within you until Seungcheol pulled out of your mouth to hear you more clearly, “What was that? Let me hear that again.”

“C-cum in me,” you said through your heavy, hot sobs, “let me feel every inch of me full of cum, please…”

“I think she really wants it,” Chan teased.

Seungcheol grinned, parting your hair from your face. “Let’s not waste any time then.”

Planted on your side, both men were on either your front or back, taking residency in your walls at uneven paces. Chan pushed himself against your backside, allowing you to imagine the sculpt of his body through touch. He forced you to arch, guiding your body so he could plummet inside the very depth of you, while Seungcheol held up your front.

The heat of your boyfriend's tongue steals your breath along with the energy in his hips. He glued your thigh to his side, gripping you against him as the other man’s leg follows after you, overlapping you. You couldn’t help but feel so wanted, so spoiled, every grateful word in the dictionary. But no one was more grateful than the newcomer who was any second from exploding inside you. “Pussy feels so f-fucking heavenly. Your boyfriend’s so lucky.”

“Yes, I fucking am,” Seungcheol growled, “maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get to find pussy almost as precious as my pretty baby here.”

“If I’m only so lucky,” Chan chuckled against your skin, “maybe I need to learn a thing or two from you?”

“Handsome thing like you,” the out of the blue, a hand is on Chan’s ass, “with an ass like this.”

“Likewise,” Chan revealed a toothy grin, “one nice ass to another.”

You could feel Seungcheol’s smile against your lips and a second later, you hear the boisterous sound of skin colliding, urging an abrupt slam of Chan’s hips against your backside. “I like you, kid, maybe I’ll keep you.”

Utter shock ran through the younger man, followed by arousal and a string of cusses. Chan clung to your side, trembling, teeth digging into your shoulder. “Fuck, fuck.”

Eventually, the rhythms find a mutual harmony. Your toes curled helplessly as thick threads of silky white released inside you, the legs of men clamping you down on the bed. You clutched your boyfriend, determined to not spill a drop, but relaxed as the fatigue hit you. They splayed you out once you were finished, joining your side in rest. You looked of bliss, taking in a gust of breath as you relieved yourself.  “Wow. Great job, guys. That turned out better than I expected.”

“Yeah, Chan those acting classes really are coming in handy,”

The blonde rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Do you guys always take role-playing this seriously? I’m pretty sure Cheol bruised my ass cheek.”

“And I’ll do it again. You have a nice ass.”

You missed the banter. It was a little foreign to not have it almost the entire time. “And we’re back to reality.”

“I guess I don’t have much to complain about. You both did open the relationship for me. Thank you,” Chan hummed with glee. “Though it really would’ve been nice to have gotten to eat you out. Maybe once some time has passed—“

“In your dreams, twerp,” Seungcheol quickly retorted.

“Oh, I’ll be dreaming of it alright.” Chan nudged your face his way, “I’ll be dreaming of a lot of things I want to do with you.”

“Why dream if I’m here,” you grinned back, “I’m yours too now.”

His fingers ran through your hair adoringly, a cartoonish sparkle in his eye. “You are now, huh?”

Seungcheol thought he’d be jealous but it turned out better than he thought it would. It seemed that everyone was happy, even him, the guy that got the worst end of the deal but what more could he want than the smile on your face looking at him or Chan? 

Seungcheol nuzzled closer to you both collectively, his chin hooking in the crook of your neck. “We’re each other’s now. It's new, but I think I like it. I’m glad to hear you both do too.”

Chan looked over at his now boyfriend(?) in gratitude and joined in, sandwiching you in between. “I’m grateful for my first poly relationship if it’s with you both. I think it’d only work if it’s with you two.”

You smiled the hardest you ever had tonight, making an effort to embrace them both, and feel the warmth that radiated off their body keep you warm. “I think we’re gonna work out just fine.”

To be continued…

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.

i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.

This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.

As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!

Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.

Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?

Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.

Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.

What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.

Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.

I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.

I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.

They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?

Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.

So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.

At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:

He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.

There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.

Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.

Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.

Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.

He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.

With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.

So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.

The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.

Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.

Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.

His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.

They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.

Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.

The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.

[thefandomlesbian]

Inspired by the post by @oddlittlestories about Wilson touching House's sensitive points--specifically, the mention of the strongyloides patient and the afterlife. This is something I've been stewing on for awhile.

I don't think House's issue with the afterlife and the strongyloides patient was solely stemming from his own personal obsession or ongoing issues with suicidality related to his disability.

4x03, 97 Seconds, is only four episodes after 3x22 Resignation, in which House discovers Wilson has been taking antidepressants and it's implied Wilson has been struggling with his depression and simultaneously refuses to tell House anything about it, no matter how House pries. House makes his own inferences, that this is either a new thing or a change in prescription because of worsening depression, but Wilson deflects when he tries to ask. It's one of Wilson's sensitive points. We learn (and House explicitly observes later) that Wilson shuts down particularly painful topics, mostly relating to loss, and this is one that he shuts down hard and fast by accusing House of not caring about him.

House, true to character when it comes to all things Wilson, assumes the worst. We don't know what Wilson is actually going through, that's left to be guessed at by the audience, but we do know that House has been effectively shut out while continuing to be concerned.

And then, only a few episodes later, we get two different patients: a man who experienced cardiac arrest and replicates it in front of House for the thrill, and a physically disabled man who discusses being free of his mortal body. We see House and Wilson have exchanges about both of these patients. First, about the knife in the outlet patient:

House repeatedly tries to draw Wilson back to the topic of suicidality, why? how? what was the plan? and Wilson repeatedly avoids the topic until he gives up and leaves the scene sooner than have the conversation. My read: The implication is that Wilson at some point in the past (whether or not this is recent past or long past, we don't know) dealt intimately with suicidal ideation that makes him uncomfortable, either personally or with a family member (maybe his brother). House takes this as confirmation.

So then, this scene is followed up later in the episode, where Wilson and House together are with the disabled strongyloides patient, who is telling them he does not want cancer treatment. The patient says death will be a relief--in front of Wilson, House looks at him before he addresses the patient. It triggers a knee-jerk reaction, anger.

House recognizes he oversteps and leaves the patient, but the argument continues between him and Wilson in the hallway. It goes much deeper than trying to talk a terminally ill man into living a few months longer, because the argument isn't really about him; he's just a narrative vessel for this conversation between these two characters.

The most popular read for this exchange is that House is arguing for himself, that he thinks misery isn't a good enough reason to take his life and he is telling himself that death isn't a worthy escape (which is definitely a valid read of the scene). But given the recent context of Wilson's depression, his utter refusal to share anything with House and therefore the audience, his complete discomfort with the suggestion of suicidal ideation and all the big questions like why and how and what for... I don't think House's actions after this scene are for House.

We have this argument where Wilson is arguing in defense of a man who is passively suicidal. "You don't know death isn't better, you can't know, death could be better. There could be a solace after all of this, you don't know." If this conversation is framed in context of Wilson being depressed and having potentially been suicidal, he's not defending the patient--he's defending himself, for having had those thoughts. And House is arguing with him, against those thoughts. Wilson's conclusion is you can't go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.

Of course House's conclusion is to go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.

This is the song playing while House contemplates what he needs to do.

Starting over anew without a partner, not knowing how to make sense of things, becoming a new terrified person in lieu of someone who is supposed to be there--that's where his mind is. He goes to look at the electrical outlet patient, just staring in silence. What could be so good that it needs to be revisited? He must be wrong. (Note that at no point does House ever share with Wilson that the electrical outlet patient's claim that death was the best 97 seconds of his life--he asks Wilson why but never follows up with the answer.)

So House pages Amber and tries to try to kill himself, as convoluted as it sounds, so he can know the afterlife isn't good. So he can have proof. So he'll have evidence. He'll know it sucks, even worse than Detroit, they can't have this argument again.

House says it explicitly. "You insisted that I needed to see for myself." He had to know.

House wants to talk about what he experienced. He deliberately seeks out someone who will understand, asks for that person specifically, he wants to share. But with Wilson, he digs in his heels. Entrenched. We see that Wilson is generally the person House shares personal things with, such as the suspected identity of his biological father, he goes directly to Wilson after Dominika leaves in S8, he seeks him out throughout the Stacy arc in S2, pesters him while the fellows are fleeing in S3 even after the Tritter arc, his soft place to land during and after rehab in S6--Wilson is House's number one confidant.

Not on this subject. He refuses to say anything, except, "I love you." He doesn't respond to Wilson's criticism that he's already had near-death experiences before; he doesn't bite at any of the bait. Not talking about it. The person he wants to share with isn't there, so he doesn't share, not even with Wilson. The only thing we get as the audience is his dialogue to the corpse at the end of the episode.

This is also not something he shares with Wilson. Too much of a sensitive spot, too tender.

But all leading to my conclusion that... House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket for himself. As Wilson points out, House has had multiple near-death experiences. He doesn't need to almost die to find out what happens. He's already seen it. He already knows.

The character who has most recently displayed new depressive tendencies in this context isn't House. Wilson is the one refusing to discuss his mental health, ostensibly taking new psych drugs or minimally increasing the dosages, becoming uncomfortable with conversations about the difficult questions of suicide, and verbally defending a man's desire to die to end the mortal coil.

House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket to fight release for himself. He's been in chronic pain for a decade at this point, it hasn't changed, he has treated patients with self-destructive tendencies in the interim with no impact to his own mental health. This event didn't strike at a vulnerable time for House; it struck at a time when House knows Wilson is struggling, specifically when he has already tried to offer help and Wilson accused him of not caring. He had to do something.

House put the knife in the outlet to fight for Wilson. To have evidence, to talk him down. "See? I proved it. There's nothing. Now you know for sure. Now you have to stay with me."

That would be too saccharine. But he says, "I love you," and that's what he means.

[highpri3stess]

So while we wait for the next chapter of Monsters to see the light of day from my drafts, I’ve decided to come up with something. I wanted to do a character study on each of the main cast to help you guys understand and maybe predict the outcome of the story. This will contain a deep dive analysis on why I chose their colours and some headcanons.

I got the majority of my colour psychology from this site and partially what I observed from watching early 2000’s shows that I grew up with and their characters that match, so if I miss anything, please say so.

Tw. Dark content. The main story warnings stay true to the analysis

Colour Analysis and Characterization:

Emma Sano:

Introduction: Let’s start with the least seen Character but the catalyst of the story, Emma. Just shy of 4’9”, Emma is a powerhouse and to put it simply, a dominating character. When I started writing the story, I thought of how to accent her character without making her a malicious villain like a lot of fics so far or just a place holder best friend that has no chemistry with the reader. I had to rewatch the 2004 Mean Girls and then I watched Clueless, then I recalled really REALLY vague memories of Scream Queens and Gossip Girl which I watched in my childhood and observed each of the popular characters. Regina George, Cher Horowtiz, Chanel Oberlin and Blair Waldorf, they all had something in common. Popularity.

And Emma checks off a lot of the boxes some of these characters have. Seeming well-meaning but often pushy, charismatic, firm and assertive, intelligent AND STREET SMART. She is also to an extent, spoiled, entitled, selfish and short-sighted, often acting without thinking of the consequences, because she never had to face it directly. I leaned into Cher Horowtiz writing Emma because I felt like we needed more nice mean blonde, but also Regina George because well, Emma has done really … uh questionable things in canon-

Colour: Emma wears a lot of pink.

I chose pink because combined with Emma, it gives me that 2000’s nostalgia. It’s a natural look for her, pink lips, blonde hair and yellow eyes, it just compliments her skin you know.

So I read up more about pink from the site and decided to give you an insight on pink according to this site: “The color pink represents compassion, nurturing and love. It relates to unconditional love and understanding, and the giving and receiving of nurturing...

Pink is feminine and romantic, affectionate and intimate, thoughtful and caring. It tones down the physical passion of red replacing it with a gentle loving energy.

Pink is intuitive and insightful, showing tenderness and kindness with its empathy and sensitivity.”

Based on this analysis we can see some traits of Emma in pink. She is compassionate towards the reader, towards her brothers and friends. She’s very understanding; she's a patient person, noting by how she taught the reader how to dress, and how to appear in front of others. She’s the one that taught the reader how to study properly and the importance of having a time table. You can even say she’s like a second, attentive mother to the reader and even to her brothers.

In terms of showing love, she is sensual. If you notice in the smut scene between her and Draken in chapter three, there’s a sense of softcore gentility with him. She’s more of a sensitive and gentle lover, despite her commanding presence. Outside sexual interactions, the people she forms close bonds with are treasured and cherished by her a whole lot. She isn’t afraid to hug people, or hold hands with people or even share a bed with someone. She’s not afraid of her own feelings, personally.

The thing that stands out to me in terms of pink is that blurb on “unconditional love” We can see this clearly in her relationship with both her brothers and especially the reader. With or without romantic feelings, Emma Sano loves everyone. She loves Mikey despite his tendency to be unstable and clueless and adores him, his protective and gentle nature, all the while letting her be her own person. She loves Shinichiro and sees him as the brother who sacrificed everything to be a parent to them. She loves Izana, despite his smothering and rude nature and sees the kind brother that would stay with her when she was scared of the dark, that bought her barbie CD’s as a kid and learned the guitar to play her favorite songs.

And she loves Reader for her gentle nature, being able to see the wonder of the world and teach her life lessons on spending and being intuitive to people’s emotions. She genuinely wants to spend the rest of her life with the reader if given a chance.

She’s bubbly! The life and heart of a party. You can’t stay mad at her if she mistakenly bumps into you or destroys your card deck like in chapter one because who can stay mad when she bats her eyes at you and tells you how the colour you’re wearing is so flattering?

But there’s a catch to pink: “Pink, from a negative color meaning, can represent a lack of willpower, a lack of self-reliance and a lack of self-worth. It can indicate an overly emotional and overly cautious nature.”

Although Emma doesn’t lack will power or self worth, she isn’t exactly self-reliant. From a young age, she had learned that people will be at her beck and call so far as she gives up her independence to them and now it is ingrained in her psyche. It is why she cannot face her critical thinking head on because she’s used to both Mikey and Izana - and now Draken thinking for her in important decisions. Shinichiro indulging her in her bad spending habits as well as spoiling her has made her dependent on them. She makes decisions based on how upset she is for both herself and on behalf of the person wronged, to the point it is detrimental to that person, reader.

Being assertive and open with your emotions is a good thing, but reading the room is another skill that requires patience. Most extroverted people tend to not be able to read people’s emotions or think ahead when they say something. Emma often speaks without thinking and considering what could happen. If she stayed silent for even a minute at the beginning of the story that first night and chose her words carefully or even recognized the weird energy between her brothers and reader for even a second, the events of the story would never have happened.

And lastly, I wouldn’t say she’s a manipulative person and it is not intentional, but she’s insistent on having her own way. Even when Reader expresses some form of discomfort, she still pressures Reader into situations she didn’t want to be in. Ultimately it has led to irreversible, traumatizing experiences for the reader [Being humiliated in Chapter 1 and Witnessing a murder in Chapter 4]. In fact, part of the reason the Sano brothers were initially upset by Reader’s presence was because Emma desperately wanted to get either Mikey or Izana together with her. Unknowingly sending a signal as if she was “Pimping her out or Showing off a gold digger friend.” Eventually, she stopped when she noticed the hostility her friend faced but never told the reader anything.

Izana Kurokawa:

Introduction: The second antagonist AND villain of the fic, Izana is the literal personification of Shaitan.

Izana is a complex character. When writing his pov, I usually write it in a way that you see things through his lens without agreeing with him. When I created his concept, I thought of someone like Elton from clueless at first, but then discarded that idea and decided to go ahead with his canon character and make him twice as bad.

His dressing and fashion sense comes from punk, alternative scenes: Faded Tees, ripped jeans, leather studded belts, biker jackets, red shirts etc Many people would like to tell you that punks are usually cool - and they are, but they can also be huge pieces of shit. He’s the bad boy they warned you about on wattpad but whatever they said he did, it’s the watered down version of whatever crime he commited.

Underneath it all, beyond the facade, Izana is a deeply insecure and sensitive person.

Colour and Character: Izana wears a lot red.

Red is blood. Red is passion and desire. Red is action. Izana is the kind of person to take the bull by the horn and do what he wants to do. It’s very useful in the world of the Yakuza and it is why he thrives more than Mikey. He combines charisma with intelligence and intuitive nature and makes them all work. He’s also someone that if you want something done, he’ll find a way to do it for you. It’s a colour that matches his skin, makes him look charming and intimidating. I chose red to warn and allure people when seeing Izana for the first time.

“The color red is a warm and positive color associated with our most physical needs and our will to survive. It exudes a strong and powerful masculine energy. Red is energizing. It excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. It signifies a pioneering spirit and leadership qualities, promoting ambition and determination.

It is also strong-willed and can give confidence to those who are shy or lacking in will power. Being the color of physical movement, the color red awakens our physical life force.

It is the color of sexuality and can stimulate deeper and more intimate passions in us, such as love and sex on the positive side or revenge and anger on the negative. You usually gain the respect of others quite easily with your practical and grounded attitude and ability to set boundaries.”

Not really sure about Izana’s positivity, but Izana has ability to protect and hold his own in a fight, as well as the tendency to be bold and upfront about his feelings and thoughts about other people.

In terms of masculinity, he’s a huge family guy, knowing how well he would do anything for them, no matter how far it could go. Majority of his problems with reader stem from the fact that her presence keeps tearing his family apart or causes a rift between him and the people he loves.

You can trust him to be honest with you when it is just the two of you alone. We can see that in Chapter three when he and Mikey are fighting and he confronts Mikey about his romantic feelings for the reader. He's also honest about how he feels about his older brother's connection to the reader in Chapter four.

He has passion for his family (Kakucho included) He loves them more than anything in the world, except himself. Sure, he has a strange sense of humor and he riles them up on occasion but he values them as people above everyone else. Even to the point that he shifts the blame to someone else when confronted with the reality of his sibling’s actions -see the bonus scene of chapter four. We know from little snippets of his past in Chapter 2, Izana is capable of emotion and gentility for people around him, but over time has chosen to surpress that part of him unless he is with his siblings, especially Emma.

He’s also the opposite of Emma with his lovers. Emma may be gentle but Izana is hot like blood. He’s all consuming, he takes and takes and takes and when he gives, he is still taking. He likes the thrill of being together with someone far more vulnerable than him and fighting for dominance, only to find out they’re out matched. Despite his arrogance, the reason why many girls flock to him is his allure. There's an excitement to Izana that keeps people aching for more, even if it would hurt them. It is why reader still aches to do nice things for him despite his constant abuse and is still flustered when he makes fun of her or puts her on the spot.

Although, negatively red reflects on Izana's character;

“You are impulsive - you should count to 10 before reacting to situations as it is in these situations that your anger and aggression often appears. You are always in a hurry, wanting to do everything right now. Patience is not one of your strong points. …. Red people can be aggressive and easy to anger, often exhibiting a violent temper - this is negative passion and energy. You flare up instantaneously but calm down quite quickly once you get it out of your system and then forget it ever happened.”

Izana has a terrible temper.

He’s dangerous when he is furious and is very easy to anger. You can see an example of how aggressive he can be in Chapter two, when he attacks the reader for the first time, chapter three when he threatens her and chapter 4 when he yells at her because she has feelings for his brother and then attacks his brother. And his temper often is expressed in physical violence, even to people who he loves.

Izana is physically, emotionally and later sexually abusive. It has a lot to do with his upbringing with him walking on his mother and other men having sex and his general hatred for women. He exhibits a very strange psychosexual behavior and gets some form of sexual gratification from seeing someone humiliated or in pain, especially if he is the cause of it.

He also has a domineering behavior. He loves being on top, trampling on people. He loves driving people up to the wall and breaking them until there’s nothing left. You can see that the split second he saw the fight in the reader’s eyes, there’s an energy that sparked up in him to squash it, to drain her dry.

And the funny thing is, his dominance is fueled by his insecurities and jealousy. In Chapter four, Takeomi makes an interesting comment that gets Izana confused. He is so full if himself that he refuses to sort out his fear of abandonment and inadequacy, and just decides to continue. Takeomi can see how jealous Izana is of Shinichiro, but refuses to admit it. He can see that there's a growing obssession and hidden lustful desire for the reader nestled inside Izana but Izana hates confronting emotions like that, so they build up until he explodes.

In simple terms, Izana is like a trynnical king with no one to stop him.

Manjiro "Mikey" Sano:

If Izana is Satan, then Mikey is Lucifer.

Izana may be the punisher, but Mikey is the tempter. He has a silver tongue, it’s so easy for lies to flow from his lips to anyone’s ears. Izana is straightforward with his intentions, but as for Mikey, he’s far more convoluted.

When writing for Mikey, I thought of his canon character for a bit. It's hard writing someone who is playful and cheeky, overall a nice guy and making them a bad person. Then I remembered that he also murdered all his friends in the manlia timeline and dark impulses and I was like... yknow it may not be that hard.

Colour: Mikey is green

I based Mikey's look off the usual boy next door persona. Like in canon, I gave him his comfy clothes, but with a little bit more style. I chose green because I felt it compliments his dark eyes.

Mikey is the epitome of youthfulness. He's handsome and flirtatous. He cares about his family a whole lot, even Izana. He can be gentle when he wants to and he is in tune with his emotions.

Here's what I saw about green:

"The color green relates to balance and harmony. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart. ... From a meaning of colors perspective, green is also the color of growth, the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth.

Green is an emotionally positive color, giving us the ability to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally.

It loves to observe, and therefore relates to the counselor, the good listener, the social worker. It loves to contribute to society.

Being a combination of yellow and blue, green encompasses the mental clarity and optimism of yellow with the emotional calm and insight of blue, inspiring hope and a generosity of spirit not available from other colors.

Green promotes a love of nature, and a love of family, friends, pets and the home... It is generous and loves to share, but it also looks for recognition. It is friendly and can keep confidences.

This is a color that has a strong sense of right or wrong, inviting good judgment. It sees both sides of the equation, weighs them up, and then usually takes the moral stand in making appropriate decisions. On the negative side, it can be judgmental and over-cautious."

It's a strong parallel to Mikey's behaviour. He's a friendly person, noting by the reader's comment on how friendly he is to other girls and women. He can be sweet and considerate, even after doing something henious; he cleaned the reader up and got her food the both times he's been with her. He cares a lot about what Emma and Shinichiro think about him and tries to get on their good side, always, even when he feels he is right.

You can see his observant side in Chapter 1, he notices how the reader would rather be a peaceful person than try anything that could cause problems. He manages to see the solution to their issues with Emma, by being friendly with reader or pretending to be friendly.

He has a strict "moral" code. In chapter 1, he believed Izana's judgement on your choice of clothing and weighed on it because he felt reader was wrong for it, even if he was being hypocritical. In Chapter 3, he fought with Izana for putting his hands on reader because he hates it and believes it is wrong to be violent to a woman. He's angry at reader for choosing dishonest people to surround herself with instead of genuine people and thinks she's foolish for doing so.

He is also, no matter how you put it, a lover boy. The painful truth is, all those texts he sends reader is actually coming from a place of genuine concern. When he starts forming attachments with someone, he starts to worry over them. If reader never went to her dorm and had bumped into him instead in chapter four while she was crying, he would have done everything to change her grades, even getting rid of proffessor Hanabi permanently.

"On the negative, the color green can be possessive and materialistic, with a need to own people and things.

being possessive and materialistic, indifferent and over-cautious, envious, selfish, greedy and miserly, devious with money, inconsiderate, inexperienced, a hypochondriac and a do-gooder."

We can see how possessive Mikey is.

The thing is, he has an obssession with people he claims he loves and wants to own them. He needs to be the center piece of their life or he has no meaning and would feel replaced. It stems from his greed that was fed into as a child. Mikey is charming enough to get the adults to do to his bidding and his friends begrudingly fed into that behaviour. He has a close knit group and he hates having to share that with any outsider, which is why he pushes reader away so vehemently, until Emma began to revolve around her and not him.

Also, he is an envious and possessive person. In Canon, we can see a few examples when Inui mention Takemichi and Mikey got up into his face and was like "No, he's mine-" in the same way, he takes it a step further. Your ability to command attention the same way he did when he was younger has him boiling. He hates that you're the kind of nice he wants to be and his solution is owning you so that he can control who you get to be nice to.

He is also a selfish and self-centered person. It's only what he thinks and what he wants that matters. In Chapter 1, when he's arguing with Emma, he quickly ignores her concerns and tells her to 'come back' to the party because he and Izana are waiting. At the end of the day what matters to him is what he wants. He doesn't care about how his actions affect people, and when you promptly avoid him at the end of chapter 3 and 4, he frigns confusion as to why, despite knowing why.

The thing about greedy people is that they would turn on their own moral code just to get you. Mikey has used physical restaints to hold reader down just to assault her sexually. He has used threats and he would act on them no matter how sick and twisted they are. The end justifies the mean for Mikey and his dark impulses and if it means making you hate him to keep you in his tight knit circle to control you forever, so be it.

Reader

The star of the freak show, the reader is seemingly a clear cut character. She's calm, quiet and patient. She's responsible and ultimately a matyr because she endures a lot of hardships.

I wanted to give her a pink aesthetic at first, but then I rewatched diamond castle and princess and the frog and loved the blue and purple motive in opposite of their pink counterparts. It struck me! Blue is usually the colour of compainionship and innocence and I decided to experiment that with the reader.

Colour and charcter: When I was picking blue, I thought back to the Holy Mary statutes (I am NOT a catholic, it is painfully obvious with the way I mess things up. Thanks for leaving the catholic church btw dad before I was born 😒) and realised that Mary and reader have a lot in common. They are idolized by the same people who would have thrown stones at them had they known they were pregnant out of wedlockback in the days. They are both forced to be this epitome of innocence and virgnity - in some apocrphya Mary was serving as a virgin in a temple before being bethrothed to Joesph and then married off to men twice older than them.

Let's look at what this site says about blue:

"This color is one of trust, responsibility, honesty and loyalty. It is sincere, reserved and quiet, and doesn't like to make a fuss or draw attention. It hates confrontation, and likes to do things in its own way.

From a color psychology perspective, blue is reliable and responsible. This color exhibits an inner security and confidence. You can rely on it to take control and do the right thing in difficult times.

It has a need for order and direction in its life, including its living and work spaces. This is a color that seeks peace and tranquility above everything else, promoting both physical and mental relaxation."

"It reduces stress, creating a sense of calmness, relaxation and order - we certainly feel a sense of calm if we lie on our backs and look into a bright blue cloudless sky. It slows the metabolism. The paler the blue the more freedom we feel.

In the meaning of colors, blue relates to one-to-one communication, especially communication using the voice - speaking the truth through verbal self-expression - it is the teacher, the public speaker.

Blue is the color of the spirit, devotion and religious study. It enhances contemplation and prayer. On the other hand, blue's devotion can be to any cause or concept it believes in, including devotion to family or work

Blue is the helper, the rescuer, the friend in need. It's success is defined by the quality and quantity of its relationships. It is a giver, not a taker. It likes to build strong trusting relationships and becomes deeply hurt if that trust is betrayed.

Blue is conservative and predictable, a safe and non-threatening color, and the most universally liked color of all, probably because it is safe and non-threatening. At the same time blue is persistent and determined to succeed in whichever endeavors it pursues."

It's a no brainer that reader is a responsible and hardworking person. She's the epitome of feminimity. Her actions are honest and pure, she expresses concern for people who do not deserve it and she doesn't like to cause problems. Reader would much rather talk it out and apologize even if she isn't wrong.

She's raised to be a humble, sweet girl who must always be obedient to her husband. To not judge outwardly, but be naïve and a little bit dense. You can see that it is why she balances with Emma who is more dominant, helping her cool down and appreciate what she has, as well as teaching her how to be considerate. She teacher Emma the value of money and Emma admires how calm and non-violent reader is. She would not rage or cause up a storm to prove she is right, but rather, seek a middle ground.

She believes that there is good in everyone, even if they don't express it to her. She's okay with being in the back ground because her kindness is her strongest suit.

But there is something about reader that isn't right.

"Change is difficult for blue. It is inflexible and when faced with a new or different idea, it considers it, analyzes it, thinks it over slowly and then tries to make it fit its own acceptable version of reality.

Blue is nostalgic. It is a color that lives in the past, relating everything in the present and the future to experiences in the past."

When reader has a precognitive notion of someone it's hard for her to change it. Especially if it is about her.

She found it hard to eventually accept that what Mikey is doing to her, is a bad thing. She was trained in a way that ingrained in her that women provoke men to assault them, so she blames herself for it. She knows both of them are evil but she still aportions blame to herself.

Her being nonconfrontational does her wrong as well. Because she wants peace with others, she lets herself be trampled upon. There's a part of her that earns for the past, even if she was hurt. She's always in her head, never paying attention to her surroundings but constantly overthinking and over analysing everything that happens to her.

Her quiet, docile nature is what leads her to be an easy target for people like Izana and Mikey. Her kindness will be the death of her.

Headcanons for the main cast:

Reader's first love is Mikey Sano. Before him, she has never seen a guy she really liked until she caught his eye.

Izana is a sex addict - it's almost as bad as drugs, but within the last few weeks he had suddenly seen a reduction in his drive.

Emma was the one who suggested blue was reader's colour. Before university, reader wore a lot of brown or muted colours which is associated with obscurity or poverty.

Izana hates how wide eyed and innocent reader looks. He hated her even more when she asked "what does a blunt mean?" when he told her to roll one for him the first time they met.

Kisaki and Mikey think of reader as a dog -specifically a laperdoodle- because she's aleays following Emma around with no direction of her own.

Izana is passionate about music and it is why he went into sound engineering. When he is stressed and he doesn't want to smoke, he plays his guitar. He has written a song about how he feels about his childhood but no one has heard it apart from Kakucho.

Emma, Izana and Mikey spend a lot of time together. They like hanging out together because it's reminiscent of their childhood.

Majority of the girls Izana sleeps with are blonde haired girls. Take that as you will.

Reader is always in her head most of the time. She zones out a lot and spends her entire alone time thinking. She also has a hyper active imagination.

The most intelligent sibling is Mikey. He just hates school.

In their freshmen year Reader actually met Hanma at the freshman party. She tried talking to him but she was so nervous that she ran away.

If the events of chapter one never happened and they had just apologized, Reader and Mikey would have been good friends. Izana would still keep her at arms length but eventually warm up to her.

Emma was hoping one of her brother's would fall in love with reader, since Draken isn't polyamorous so that she'd keep reader in her life forever.

The person I see reader having a successful relationship with is Izana (if everything was good). Red and blue are opposites, and they would instantly catch on. Izana would compensate for Reader's shy and docile nature, even inspiring her to be more confident and take on anything. Reader would teach him patience and forgiveness and ultimately help him to be more relaxed.

I initially planned that reader and Izana would have some action in chapter 4 but scrapped that idea.

Mikey hardly dates. Girls flock around him and he may sleep with one or two, but that's it. He has a preference for experienced girls as I mentioned.

In terms of sexuality, Reader is pansexual, Emma is bisexual and polyamorous, Mikey is also bisexual and Izana is pansexual and polyamorous.

Reader loves Mitski a lot. Emma introduced her to "worldly" songs when they began their friendship and Mitski stuck. Before that, she was only allowed christian music in her household.

Izana's favourite group is Deftones and Mikey loves ABBA a lot. Emma is a Britney Spears person but loves Mitski.

Reader feels safer around Draken outside Emma. She actually loved learning about bikes from him and didn't laugh when he said his dream was to be a bike. Probably because her dream is to become a book.

Mikey hates being in fights with Izana. It makes him sad. He just wants to hang out without Izana feeling like he has to rile Mikey up so that Mikey would like him.

If reader was my oc, her name would be Evangelista and she would look like this:

Reader misses her family. She misses her mom a lot even though she knows they were bad to her.

Izana sleep talks about his mother, Karen and in his dreams he begs her not to leave him and Emma, that he'll never complain again.

Mikey's mom, Sakurako and reader are similar in personality. He forms attachments to reader because he wants to recreate his mother's love through her.

Emma also sees Sakurako in reader, but she can also see Karen too. Karen was always absent minded to the point she nearly hurt herself. Reader has also hurt herself while being absent minded too.

After the assault reader's absent mindedness became worse. She also feels extreme shame and has resorted to taking sleeping pills.

Mikey hates smoking and alcohol, but abuses Antidepressants a lot to numb his dark impulses. In chapter 3, reader thinks Mikey is sober, but in reality he's on antidepressants. It is why he's so emotionally detached. It doesn't work by the way.

Mikey is in love with reader and is desperate to get her on his side. If Izana offers him a deal that can get reader he'll take it.

Reader cannot find it in her heart to hate Mikey or Izana. She excuses their actions in her head majority of the time. It's because she was raised to know that if a man is violent towards her, it is her fault. It is why she's desperate to make amends.

Mikey reminds her of her father a lot. Izana reminds her of her eldest brother. Both of them abused her and she recreates those scenarios with Mikey and Izana. Reader at a point wanted Mikey to love her back but gave up after the party.

Reader's brothers are physically abusive towards her. When she was attacked in chapter 2 she instantly fights back because that was the only way she could escape with her life. It got so bad she has been hospitalized multiple times. She learned the best way to avoid abuse is to avoid them entirely, since her parents wouldn't do anything about it.

Emma regrets pushing reader towards her brothers.

Reader still wears her rosary she got from her mother until this day. She rarely goes to church.

The person who took those nude pictures wasn't Mikey. It was Hanma. Mikey paid him to do it and who was he to refuse free money.

Reader was in dance club at her school and was really good, but left after someone snitched to her father. She got punished badly.

Taggging: @fushiqruo @jellyfishworld @blueberry3muffin @nnniiiaa @707stic @kokoch4n3l @kodzukein @kazutorasrealsneakylink @short-cxke @bontensruby @merve-01 @hellkaiserinphoenix @urmomsksk @chaerytf @manjibunny @chrollohearttags

Thank you guys so much for reading this ♡ you can ask me any more questions if you have them.

[asksythe]

I've been understanding a lot of cultural subtext around MDZS thanks to you. I'd like to ask more about what makes "cultivation partners." Is it synonymous to marriage or is it a different thing altogether? From my understanding of various marriages depicted in MDZS, marriage can easily be a power move, right. I've also read about dual cultivation, but not sufficiently, and I wish to understand if becoming cultivation partners, sex, marriage - all are supposed to be exclusive stuff. like Jin Guangsham was married yet had sexual relations with plenty of people, perhaps including cultivators? JFM and Madam Yu had a complicated marriage; were they cultivation partners as well? Mianmian married a non cultivator (?) but still went on night hunts to cultivate her core. Other marriages were Qin Su and JGY, and JZX and JYL - so, I do wonder if all of these were classified as cultivation partners.

Another thing I do wonder is, from where I am, in olden times in certain dynasties it was acceptable to have many wives or spouses or marry for gains. In others, the emperor had one true wife who would repeat 7 lifetimes with him and the others were on a lower social level - ploys for expansion etc. I wonder how monogamy etc plays out in chinese context around mdzs time frame, as well as what sort of "expectations" marriage should entail?

><

Woo… that’s a fair bit. Okay. I’m going to try to answer what I can. Let’s take this one thing at a time. 

1. The O.G meaning of cultivation partner: 

Cultivation partner = Daolǚ （道侣） 

From a lingual view, dao is path, truth, knowledge, and faith. Lǚ is a companion who shares your food, your bed, and your path. So Daolǚ = one who walks the same path in pursuit of truth, faith, and knowledge as you. 

From a Daoist view, Daolǚ is a couple who cultivate together, who seek the same truth together, and who share life and death together. They don’t necessarily have to be husband and wife or lovers. They can also be family members, parent and child, or shifu and dizi. They can be of different sexes or the same sex. All of those are only accessories to the OG meaning. 

The core of Daolǚ is “ones who seek the same truth.”

This video is from a master Taoist answering the question, “Are Dao couples husbands and wives?”

http://baike.baidu.com/l/nBoL850d

2. So why did MDZS use Daolǚ when talking about married couples? AKA a stealth reference to a real-life historical split in opinions: 

The first time the topic of Daolǚ comes up in the novel is during the Cloud Recess era when Lan Qiren taught the history of the Lan ancestor, how Lan An met his Daolǚ, and together they created House Lan. Then the students started discussing their future Daolǚ, which eventually led to the fight with Jin Zixuan. 

Daolǚ, in this context, definitely sounds like a different word for a married couple in the setting. Why? 

Well…. Because there is a historical split in opinions regarding what Daolǚ really is in practice.   

Of course, if we are only talking in theory and lingual origin, then the married or sexual aspect just doesn’t come into play. But in real practice, this kind of close proximity inevitably ends up becoming (or is born out of) actual physical, emotional, and sexual intimacy.

Think about it. The one who shares your faith. The one who shares your path. The one who holds the same ideal. The one who shares your food, your life, your bed. The one whose life and death are intertwined with yours. The one who will walk with you to the very end, wherever it may be. The one whose soul is literally linked to yours through shared cultivation.

You don’t really get this kind of exclusive, super intense, intimate relationship from anywhere other than a married couple. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are, by and large, exceptions that prove the rule. 

It’s very funny because even in the official Baidu entry for Daolǚ, beneath the super official definition provided by Daoism associations and sourced from some of the most credible historical texts that survive to this day, even they had to admit in the modern understanding, and especially in media portrayal, Daolǚ is used almost exclusively to refer to Daoist couples in every way that a regular couple can be. Even funnier, if you go and search for the term 道侣双修 (Daolǚ dual cultivate) in the book section, it turns up some 4300 titles concerning Daolǚ dual cultivation. And a very significant portion of those 4300 titles aren’t actually entertainment media at all, but actual historical texts, modern research, and serious treatises written by reputable modern Daoists on the subject.      

Okay. So then, why not just admit that outright? Why the extra step? What’s there to disagree about? 

Well, because sex is icky. 

Hahahaha! But no really… 

3. Dual Cultivation aka Magic Sex: 

And here we are at the crux of the historical split of opinions. 

Dual Cultivation aka Magic Sex (eyebrow waggle!).

From Daoism's founding point, the idea of harmony between Yin and Yang has been one of the founding precepts laid by Laozi himself. There’s not a single reputable Daoist school that disagrees with this precept. The disagreement comes from the interpretation of this precept instead. 

From very early on, there were already schools that believed in the application of Yin Yang harmony to manifest as the physical and spiritual relation between men and women (or Yang bodies and Yin bodies). 

How early are we talking? Well, BCE kind of early. The earliest text that teaches sex art as part of Daoism is a pre-Qin-dynasty book named The Dao of Huangchi 黃赤之道. This text was later religiousized by various schools of Daoism. 

Before the 10th century, there was not much disagreement at all among ancient Daoists about the sex part. 

Sexually explicit dual cultivation only became an issue sometime around the Tang dynasty forward (618 - 906 CE). Why the Tang dynasty? Well, that’s around the time Daoism became bourgeois. Before Tang, Daoism was the religion of anti-authoritarian hippies (for lack of a better word). Yep, they were very screw-the-government, let-me-have-my-weed-and-intense-sexercise-while-high kind of people (I’m not even kidding).  

One of the earlier records of Daolǚ dual cultivation after the bourgeois-ification of Daoism that still survives to this day is Wu Zhen Pian by Zhang Boduan from the 10th century. Around this same era, numerous sects and schools adopting the same practice of Daolǚ dual cultivation (sexually explicit at that) sprouted up, such as: Shuangxiu Sect, Fangzhong School, etc… 

The Wu Zhen Pian, despite being a fairly cryptid text, also explicitly referred to the “places where the body is first given qi” as the male and female genitalia. So there really isn’t any room for misinterpretation as to what exactly it was speaking of. 

Around this same era, the disagreement around dual cultivation being sexually explicit and Daolǚ being 99.99% couples became very intense… as in sect war kind of intense. 

Ancient High Chinese society was, by and large, very “performatively” puritanical. So from the time Daoism started rubbing shoulders with kings and rulers (instead of eschewing them as the literal founders of Daoism taught), they also started eschewing their fairly sexual, anarchist roots. 

Ergo… the ideological schism.  

This schism would split between diehard, purists practicing Daoists from the more neutral ones that used Daoism as a political tool as well. 

4. A history of sexual exploitation:  

Okay, so sexy Daoism is the pure, root Daoism. Why isn’t it the one being preached as official these days? 

Because… as usual, whenever there’s a great idea, some chuckleheads somewhere would come along, bend it around its knees, and abuse it instead. 

Think about it for a moment. Daoist sects in ancient times were steeped in mysticism. Many of them were powerful and rich. You throw in the sex element. It’s extremely easy for exploitation to happen. 

Cults are some of the oldest things in the history of mankind. Sex cults aren’t new, and they aren’t rare, either. Charles Mansion of the Mansion family is just one in a very, very long string of such things. 

Let’s just say that for many reasons and many factors, pure Daoist schools practicing sexually explicit dual cultivation also tended to have a checkered history and that along with the historical transformation of Daoism from an anarchist religion to a state-sponsored philosophy massively discredited them. 

To this day, you can still trace this history of exploitation down to modern media concepts such as “Human Cauldron,” which is the term denoting a human being used as a sex slave and a cultivation tool by another cultivator. You would think that’s a modern media invention… but no… this term has a long and dark history. Forgive me but I don’t exactly want to go into details in this part.  

5. So, what does this all have to do with MDZS? 

Well, you can use this context to understand how concepts like dual cultivation and Daolǚ are interpreted and practiced by different people within the MDZS world. MDZS is based in Wei Jin period, which was a period of transition, chaos, and clashing ideologies. You can kinda see that complexity in the way a concept like Daolǚ seems so… mixed and different between theory and practice. 

When you really get down to it, there are two ways to understand Daolǚ. 1/ Those who share the same mind, the same faith, the same truth. And 2/ Those who are boinking magically. 

Do Wangxian meet these requirements? Yep, both of them. I think that’s pretty clear. Near the end of the story, when Wei Wuxian said his goodbye to Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui, he also remarked about everyone having their own “road” to walk and that, in the end, only one person walked the same “road” as him. That person, Lan Zhan, was also the one person he wanted to walk with. (I don’t have to provide a snap for this, right? People aren’t going to shoot out of nowhere and accuse me of not providing adequate citations, right?). Dao is road. So that’s another nod to the fact that Wangxian are Daolǚ in every interpretation of the concepts (And yes, I’m totally into the interpretation that their boinking is, in fact, magical and working to stabilize Wei Wuxian’s cultivation! Look at the Japanese art featuring Wei Wuxian with the blue cloud patterns on his body! Clearly, lots of people agree with this interpretation! You can’t convince me otherwise!).  

What about Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan? Are they Daolǚ? Ehh… it’s kind of a toss-up, isn’t it? There’s not really much in any permutations of MDZS (with maybe the exception of the live-action) that either supports or disprove. I think if you want to interpret them as Daolǚ and Jin Zixuan would eventually help Jiang Yanli cultivate a Jindan and be able to stay young alongside him, you definitely can do that. Or if you want to see them as a more traditional, ordinary husband and wife couple, then that’s a valid interpretation too. 

Jin Furen and Jin Guangshan? Ehhh… the above paragraph applies… although… geee… I really don’t see them as either pursuing the same truth or… exclusively boinking magically or that either is using the other as a human cauldron… although that doesn’t disqualify Jin Guangshan himself from using that for his sexual escapade? But then why would he die to marathon sex? I guess Jin Guangyao is hax enough? 

In any case, I’m going to stop here. I’ve been sick for the past three weeks and my work has been really demanding. I really tried hard to reserve some free time to write. So the things I have not answered, can you come back to me another time and I will, when I find the time and full citation materials, write a separate reply? 

Have a great day! 

Oh, also… just as a disclaimer, please don’t use my writing for fandom strife or anything like that. I only very recently found out there were people using my writing for… well… Let’s just say I’m not for that. If anything, please use my writing for creative purposes or just to learn something new!  

[strawbsstarz]

Rewrite the Stars: Draco Malfoy x reader

inspired by the song from greatest showman lol, had this idea stuck in my head for months, but i feel like i didn't give it any justice though. so sorry that it's poorly written but enjoy ^^

Warning: Angst

Pt 2 HERE

~~

Never in a million years had you expected to be hooking up with the one and only Draco Malfoy, I mean, why would you? There was nothing good to his name other than his money, his face, and his hair and smile, and his laugh, and how easy it was to tease him and the way- okay maybe there was a couple things that you enjoyed about him.

Okay fine, he's attractive, but that's it! Looking at his pretty face from afar was enough, hearing his snarky comments about something stupid will only ruin the experience for you, at least, that's what you thought.

You were content with that, with only watching from afar, because, let's be honest, if people found out about you, a Gryffindor, someone who was acquainted with Harry Potter himself, aka Draco Malfoy's rival, was even slightly attracted to the Prince of Slytherin, imagine the rumors.

Imagine the questions from your friends. Oh merlin, you could practically hear the interrogation: "Y/N, out of all the guys in school why Malfoy? He's a total ass to everyone!" or something along those lines, and they're right, why Malfoy?

Truth is you don't even know, you just thought he was cute. It's normal for teenagers to find the opposite sex attractive, so no biggie, right?

Lucky for you, or unlucky, depending on how you look at it, he was also attracted to you. At the end of year 5, you two had a moment with one another as you cleaned a classroom during detention. You had accidentally slipped on the wet floor and he had caught you.

Long story short, you had ended up kissing on accident and it turned into a clumsy confession. After that, there was a lot of lingering tension between the two of you, people assumed it was just the rivalry between your houses. Oh boy was it far from that. There were many instances where you two would sneak off during passing periods to snog in a broom cupboard somewhere, and it was normal, teenagers being teenagers.

Year 6 felt more intimate. Other than sneaking off to snog somewhere, you two would find yourselves sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet at the Astronomy Tower to just- talk.

It was comforting. Unknowingly, you had found comfort in his presence, and sooner or later, you would realize your growing feelings for the boy. To you, all the stolen kisses and glances meant something more compared to how it started. All the talks about life, family and everything. After realizing your growing crush, you told yourself consistently that this was enough, whatever you had now, was enough.

You two had never talked about what you were. There was some sort of unspoken rule between you two. It was a secret, this was a secret. It was a fun and thrilling one at that, but sometimes, you found yourself wanting more.

You knew about his family and their pureblood views, you knew about the rumors regarding with their relations with you-know-who, you knew how your friends would react, the hesitancy of your own family about the idea of it and sure, you were scared, hell you were petrified but the idea of it was- nice? For a lack of a better word.

Neither of you were dumb. You both knew what you felt for the other. You had long noticed how he would hold you a little tighter, or kiss you a little longer than when he did in the beginning, it no longer felt purely physical and learning things with each other. You had noticed that whenever you would show him something you liked from the muggle world, despite his complaints, he would listen to every word you say intently, and from the corner of your eye, you would notice him smiling and staring at you.

"What are we?" You asked one night as you both stood at the Astronomy Tower, stargazing.

"We're wizards" He snorted as he leaned against the railing, his head looking up at the sky. You nudged his arm and scoffed,

"No you twat, I mean," you bit your lip, "what are we?"

His mouth forms an o-shaped, and silence falls between you two. It wasn't the comfortable silence you were used to, it wasn't the your-presence-is-enough type of silence. It was the type of silence where it was awkward and it made your heart beat fast with uncertainty. Was it a bad idea to ask? Should you tell him you were messing with him? "Hey! I was just joking! Ha! I got you!"

"We're... us...." He finally says. You debated on whether or not you were content with that answer, but you decide to push the topic further.

"And what exactly is us?" You lowered your head as you began playing with your fingers.

Another pause, this time even longer, and the silence was unbearable.

"Y/N..." His tone was soft, and it was gentle. It was as if he was treading lightly on the subject you two had never talked about, "You know what we are..."

Your focus continued on the way your fingers moved, "And what if..I want something more than what we are?"

He sighs, and looks down at his hands, opening and closing. It was a topic he dreaded to talk about. He knew it would be brought up at some point, but he wasn't ready to face the reality yet. He wasn't ready to step out of the comforts of the Astronomy Tower, a place that held such dear memories for the both of you. He had hoped and prayed that whatever you two had going on would stay as it is, a secret. His left forearm burned from the thoughts running in his head. He envisioned nothing but heartbreak from your relationship.

He knew what lied ahead for the two of you, and that's why he desperately tried to keep you as private as possible. He was reckless in the beginning, because truth be told, he originally didn't plan for it to go this far. He never planned to fall in love with you. He never planned this feeling in his chest to grow.

"I know about your parents, and I know about the things you're expected of. I know about the control you don't have in your life, but is it possible for me to expect something? From..from you?" You stuttered, unsure of how to approach him.

Everything stills, and you search for emotion in his eyes. Oh how he wished to tell you everything, everything that had happened in the summer, everything that happened to him, but he knows he shouldn't. He can't bring himself to tell you, because it will only put you in danger. He can't tell you because he wants to keep you safe, he needs you to be safe. You're his safe haven. All the moments you spent together is his way of escaping the dreadful reality he's now forced to live in. Every moment with you is like a dream to him, and if that dream and reality were to one day meet, how will he be able to handle the things that could happen? that would happen?

"It's not written in the stars for us..." He exhales and his eyes can't seem to look at you. You avoid each other, continuing to look far off in the distance of the sky. "It's hard...to imagine us...as more. I never really saw us becoming more than....more than what we are now.." He lied.

Of course he doesn't see himself having a future with someone muggle born, you thought to yourself. You knew that one of the many things that would keep you both apart was your blood status. You knew from the beginning, but that didn't make the pain any less than it was. Your mind began to overthink about all the reason why this wouldn't work, all the insecurities you've had began clouding your thoughts. So many reasons had popped in your head. If he could only read your mind, he would flick your forehead and tell you that all those reasons were absurd. If he wasn't caught up in the middle of his parent's decisions, he would say that he doesn't care about the blood status, he doesn't care about the lives both of you used to lead, he doesn't care about all of it, because he'll always choose you. He'll choose to fight it all for you, with you.

"The cards we've been dealt with in this lifetime, Y/N, it's really not fair. Faith will only continue to pull us away from each other." He turns his head to you, and you catch the look in his eyes, a hint of sadness displayed on his face.

"What if I decide against that? Against faith? Against destiny?" You stood up straight, your vision getting glassy. "Shouldn't we at least try?"

"It's not that easy," He starts, "there's nothing I would love more than- than to be with you." He takes your face in his hands and pulls you in closer, your foreheads touching. You melt in his embrace, your own hand cupping his. "But we can't, Y/N. There's just some doors we can't walk through."

You're eyes began to water, and you regret ever asking. How could you be so stupid? How could you be so selfish and ruin something that should already be enough? Your greed had gotten the best of you.

"What if we rewrite the stars? Draco, it's up to me and you. No one can decide what we do or how we should feel." You cry wetting his hands. He smiles softly and wipes your tears away.

"Love, I know you're wondering why because within these walls, we can be who we want to be..but I know that when we go outside- outside this place, we're gonna be heartbroken and devastated-"

"Because it's hopeless?" You cut him off. You were upset, and you knew he felt the same way too, but it angered you. It angered you how he was willing to give up without even trying, without even fighting for it.

He purses his lips, "You know I want you, but I can't...We're bound to break and my hands are tied, there's just a lot of things that are out of my control.."

"So what? Malfoy, don't tell me you're giving up?" You pushed him away, taking a step back as tears rolled down on your face, "Was it all in my head? Everything we've done? Did it not mean to you as much as it did to me? Is- Is there something I'm missing here?"

His heart quickens at the questions, he's fighting a war with himself, whether or not to tell you why. He wanted to clear up this misunderstanding. if only you knew.

"Y/N..." He tries to reach out for you but you took a step back once again.

"I don't understand why..why-" You choked on your tears, wiping it with your robe, as you began to walk past him intending to leave the tower. The serenity of the night and the cold breeze had began to suffocate you, "You're more of a coward than I thought you were."

He couldn't bring himself to run after you. He couldn't even look at you as you left. His body was frozen. His feet was planted right where you left him, and his heart ached with grief. He knew this was for the best, this was the right choice, he tries to convince himself. He knew that eventually his actions would catch up to him, that it might lead to your endangerment. It's good that it ends now rather than later, but he hated the way you left, hates the way it has to end this way. Even though he wanted to call out to you, to tell you the truth, that he was madly in love with you. Even though he wanted to tell you that; you were worth fighting for, he knows he shouldn't. With the impending war, he holds himself back and it's all for you, even if you don't know it. All of this was so that you wouldn't have to see him as one of them. All of this is to keep you safe, and alive. As long as you're alive, he thinks. All of this is all for you.

[insuke69]

Miles!42 headcanons p2

Part 2 because 2 ppl asked and have sm thoughts of this boy HSJKS

Warnings: No warnings except possesive/jealous?? (I feel like hes a lil toxic, red flag sometimes but red is my fav color <3)

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-He's good with kids but would secretly try to teach a kid curse words

-Is almost always texting you when you two aren't physically together, he's had his phone taken in class so many times because of it.

-He apologizes with flowers, necklaces, Food, make-up making out occaisionally

-Listens to your music taste and definitely has recommended good songs

-He will NEVER tie his shoe laces, just for no reason whatsoever and if you tell him to tie them he'd ask you to do it.

-STALKS YOUR INSTAGRAM NON-STOP. when yall first got together he liked all your posts of the last month

-Would deadass beat anyone who trys grabbing you in any intimate way, almost killed a dude that slapped your ass in the street in public. (Mostly cause one, without consent is a no-no, 2 was disrespectful, 3 only he is allowed to touch your ass smh)

-Thinks you're hot when upset/when y'all argue, hate makeout seshes go hard

-ARGUE-FUCKING-ING. He will piss you off sometimes so he can watch you storm out and a few hours later text him to come over, scenario;

You two were arguing about a post, an instagram post Miles made. It was a picture of you but you didn't know he took it, in the image you were chomping on a big ass burger and had ketchup and some cheese on the corner of your mouth. To Miles it was adorable but to you it was embarrassing, you storm out to your house, pissed, the one moment you were dirty because of food Miles took a picture and POSTED it. You check the Picture again as you lay on your stomach on your bed over a pillow to lay comfortably, remembering the moment; Miles made a stupid joke as you took a bite which made you almost choke as you turned your head to cough, smudging the corner of your moth a bit. Damn, he was so fun.. Missing him already you decide to watch a movie, him never leaving your mind so you just text him once the 2 hour movie was finished.

"Come over pls"

"Be there in 20"

"ily"

-loves movies, If y'all go on a movie theater date he gets tickets in the back, hand over yours the whole time.

+ If the movie ends up sucking y'all just make out in the theater and making jokes about the lines, acting, etc.

-He hates dark chocolate with a passion, deadass HATES it for whatever reason (he claims its too bitter.)

-If you have a guy bsf Miles would really have to get to know the guy and need 24/4 notifications about you and the guy bsf. If you confront him about being jealous or something he'd say anything along the lines of "You don't know the mind of a guy, You may not want anything but he does." and 9/10 he was right.

-DEBATING WITH HIM SUCKS this man will immediately gaslight sm shit that'd make you question life itself. (yet half the time he is talking out of his ass.)

-He is atheist 100% (Fact over faith + lost most of his faith when his dad died :(.)

-He doesn't like white girls, more into latinas/black girlies. (Idc if you're white, its more likely he is more into girls he can semi-relate to in a way.)

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Low-key wanna make scenarios so jst reply what yall want :D

[dearestones]

His Eyes Focused On You (L x Reader)

Warnings: NSFW, nothing too explicit, established relationship, etc. 

Anonymous Request: i was wondering if i could request something about nsfw interaction with L x reader in an established relationship:“ why are you looking at me like that? ”  thank you so much 😊 

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It’s a tangle of limbs and half muttered phrases, all of it crooned or muttered in throes of passion. There's bedsheets and pillows, the fragrance of pastries and the stagnant air that accompanies hotel rooms. As you're swept up in the rising heat of frantic touches and lingering kisses, you can barely keep your eyes open, wanting to savor the moment of pure vulnerability.

Your bed partner, all toned muscle and soft grunts, is holding you tightly, almost too tight. The pressure is comforting, making you believe that this is real.

It has to be real.

"Are you okay?"

You can't help but ask, as your back arches off the bed, your chest meeting his eager mouth. His tongue laves around your sensitive skin and his hands, soft finger pads and calloused palms exploring every inch of your body.

At your question, he pauses and his dark eyes meet yours. 

Before you had become close to him, intimate in a way that you knew was afforded to few people, you didn't peg him for the type of person to want to get physical with another human being. Of course, you knew that most people had needs. You just assumed that based on his line of work and his preference for privacy, you thought that he would use other means to satisfy his primal urges. And if toys or other sources of stimulation weren't enough, then you supposed that he must have sought carnal satisfaction through sex workers.

For the most part, you were right. As a detective on the move, it was imperative for him to remain loose and detached from others. Sex workers, escorts, and the like could be bribed into silence. Machines and toys could be bought anonymously online. However, months of close relations and intimate conversation had culminated into the slow and steady crescendo of you and your beloved partner finally settling into each other's arms in an erotic dance that had you swaying your hips and falling neatly into his arms. 

Over and over again. 

Was it purely all physical? 

You hoped that this relationship meant something to him. Many days were spent poring over his investigations and most nights were spent in each other’s arms. He loved talking, you knew that, but he also liked observing you. Watching you. Making note of your likes and dislikes, what made you tick, what made you smile that special smile of yours that made him proud. 

In turn, you did the same. 

You could never fool yourself into thinking that you truly knew every aspect of him, but when you were close together like this, with both your hips moving against each other in unison, sweet friction inciting the embers of passion, you thought you could finally see the man underneath the facade of a cold, analytical character. You had never doubted that he was human, but you never knew that he could lower his defenses to reveal that he was warm to the touch and that his heart beat fast under your touches. 

“Are you okay?” You ask again, insistently this time. One of your hands lands on his bicep while the other cups his cheek. It’s intimate, too close to tender and leagues away from pure carnal intent. Often, the both of you would incite foreplay through banter, build up the tension with lingering touches and innuendo and then finally consummate your union. However, it was rare for soft touches that conveyed nothing more than affection and the trust that you had for him. 

L, your lover, trusted you enough that you wouldn’t kill him in his sleep. 

But L, the world’s greatest detective, only looked to you for help whenever he needed insight on one of his cases. 

Having resigned yourself to the fact that this relationship was never going to be in your favor, you would not be surprised if L had decided to shrug away your soothing touches and continued to bring the both of you to completion. You would not lie: you ached for the sweet release of bliss, but you were content to remain connected as is, bodies intertwined and your sweat dripping and pooling together underneath your bodies and soaking into the sheets. 

Yet, just when you were about to release L and to urge your hips to move against his, you felt your heart flutter with warmth when he interlaced his fingers with your fingers that caressed his cheek. For a brief moment, his dark eyed gaze kept you entranced, the look in his eyes seemingly expressionless, but the intensity stemming from a passion that you had never seen him display so brazenly before. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” It comes out as a whisper, barely louder than your moans as he leans closer to you, his every movement brushing against your most sensitive parts of you. There’s a broken, jagged edge to his tone, like a porcelain vase that had been broken and sanded down to prevent injury. Scars that never healed right. 

L continues to hold your gaze and the grip that he has on your body seems to tighten and grow even warmer.

You’re lightheaded, but still very much aware of your surroundings and of course, L. 

“It’s because I love you,” you whisper without any hint of irony or shame. Perhaps if you weren’t naked and swept up in his arms, maybe you might have thought twice about admitting such a thing, but in that moment, you wanted to be true to yourself. 

“I love you,” you say again. 

L holds you close, his dark eyed gaze never waving before you notice that the lines of his lips have softened and that one corner had lifted into a soft smile. Bending down, he presses a kiss–too chaste for this situation, but so very telling of his true desires–to your temple before he continues his ministrations from before, careful to keep his pace steady and his eyes focused on you. 

It didn’t matter if he didn’t say it back. 

His actions spoke otherwise. 

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If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free: https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

DEATH NOTE MASTERLIST

[illegiblewords]

SOME ILLEGIBLE RAMBLES AND REFLECTIONS: ON GALE AND MYSTRA

I've been on the fence about whether to make this analysis specifically, but after seeing a few other discussions floating around figure it's worth offering another viewpoint in case it resonates.

These analyses in particular are very subjective and offer an interpretive option more than anything. I might allude to discussions I've seen elsewhere that I have different views from, but different views don't automatically mean personal dislike for me. Life would be boring if we all thought the same way, you know? Anyway. Hugeass post ahead, proceed at your own risk lol.

One of the arguments I've seen cropping up recently is the idea that romance between gods and mortals is inherently unequal, abusive, and problematic. I am very much of the mind that Mystra abused Gale. The developers at Larian have stated that every companion in Baldur's Gate 3 is a victim of abuse in some capacity. Some of my favorite romances over the years have been between gods and mortals. Mystra/Gale is not one of those. I think blaming the divine/mortal dynamic for any abuse misses the point. Moreover, it absolves Mystra of a huge amount of personal responsibility in the abuse she committed. I think it makes the abuse focus on what she is rather than who she is, how she looks at others, and how she treats others. I reflected on the divine/mortal pairings I've enjoyed compared to the dynamic between Gale and Mystra. In every divine/mortal romance I've loved, the god found wonder and saw a kind of power they lack in their mortal partner. This power stems directly from their mortality. There are experiences and perspectives specific to being mortal that are invaluable. The god doesn't relate to those experiences and perspectives the same way. The god always needs not only humility but equal respect for their mortal partner in some capacity. Additionally, the god acknowledges that being divine does not equate to omniscience. This is not a god according to the monotheistic definition. It's closer to an immortal being who excels in a very specific area and has certain responsibilities weighing on them. The god sees the forest but may no longer see trees, while the mortal sees trees but may not see the forest. There is value in what is ephemeral and fragile, just as there is value in what is permanent. The god and mortal need to bring balance to one another in the sense that the god helps the mortal find comfort in a bigger picture while the mortal reminds the god what it feels like to be small, vulnerable, and intimately connected to the world/other lives. A healthy divine/mortal romance requires recognition of multiple forms of strength, intelligence, and value. That very, very much is not what Gale and Mystra had. Another layer to the 'divine/mortal romance is always problematic' argument ties to questions of power imbalance. I would argue that even among human beings--power imbalance always exists. Human beings are not identical or interchangeable with one another. One partner might be brilliant at math and runs finances where the other partner would be lost. The other partner might be brilliant at people and can navigate social situations the mathematician would feel helpless in. One partner may be physically larger or stronger than another. The other partner has the full weight of social/legal support in most conflicts. And this isn't touching on issues relating to mental health, physical health, economic stability, societal issues, etc. People are multifaceted. None of us excel at all things, find power in all things, or suffer all things. We each have our own pains and triumphs. We each have the ability to hurt each other if we want to. If we wanted to avoid any power imbalance in favor of 1:1 equality, the only answer we'd have would be to literally romance ourselves . And that's 1) narcissism 2) lonely 3) sad. Just ask Raphael.

But unhealthy power imbalances must exist, right? And there is a horrible power imbalance between Gale and Mystra. I would just argue it has more to do with them personally than because of Mystra being a goddess. I'd argue that we should be looking at Gale and Mystra not as mortal and god or man and woman, but as people above all else with their own experiences/motives driving choices throughout the relationship. Examine the ways they look at and treat each other versus themselves. If Mystra was the mortal and Gale was the god, if Mystra was a man and Gale was a woman, I would not change my stance regarding where abuse was committed. Imo people get too caught up trying to make sweeping generalizations instead of focusing on the individuals and how they specifically interact. This in-mind, what are some examples of unhealthy power imbalance as I define it?

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

And so on. Hopefully you get the gist. What I do want to draw attention to though is that these examples offer room to include a variety of circumstances or dynamics within their umbrella. Ex. An underage character with an adult would easily qualify for the first criteria, but an extremely, non-functioningly drunk character would also count. So lets have a look at Gale and Mystra's situation in particular again.

Gale has, by his own admission, been involved with the Weave for as long as he can remember. He sees Mystra as synonymous with the Weave, and with magic. These are things he explicitly states within the game. Gale also has notable reactions to say, saving Arabella from being killed over the idol of Silvanus or Mirkon from harpies. With Arabella especially, the idea of being treated as unforgivable or deserving death for a youthful mistake is something he talks about as if he has some experience with it. And while this is a video game with limited character models, I'm going to estimate that the tiefling kids are probably somewhere between nine and thirteen. We know Gale has been stuck largely alone in his tower with the orb for a year or so. The orb specifically is something that happened when he was an adult, but the way he talks about Arabella with implicit personal identification of facing older authority figures as a young person who didn't know better... I don't think this is the orb alone troubling him. Minsc also has a dialogue option where he talks about how in Rashemen, boys with an affinity for the Weave were hidden away and he suspects it was to keep them from being preyed on by Mystra. Not men, boys. I've seen people try to argue that Mystra would have been indisposed/dead and unable to take advantage of Gale when he was a kid due to the broader Forgotten Realms timeline. I'm inclined to say in this instance, with all evidence in the narrative pointing to a particular arc and theme for Gale and Mystra's relationship, it's more likely that the timeline was something Larian chose to fudge in the interest of storytelling opportunities. The alternative would be that none of those dialogue exchanges meant anything. The narrative is weakened if those moments are made meaningless, and the characters become flatter and less credible without them too. If it comes between trivia and the emotional core of a story, I'd argue the core wins. Gale claims to have slept with other people before Mystra, but that a romanced character is the first person he's slept with after her. I personally suspect it wasn't a lot of prior experience, and he was pretty young when his romance with Mystra began. Additionally, while it's pure conjecture on my part--given how Gale reacts to the tiefling kids it would make sense to me if Mystra started grooming him when he was between nine and thirteen years old. Other people have shared analysis pointing to evidence that Gale unknowingly dual-classed and was a storm sorcerer originally, but was told he was purely a wizard and then had all of his sorcerous abilities eaten by the orb without ever knowing they existed. I do think it makes sense for Mystra to influence Gale as a potentially very powerful sorcerer this way to 1) get him to self-limit through wizard spells so he's easier to predict and control 2) be completely dependent on and devoted to her, starting as early as possible. (For the curious, sorcerer Gale theory is here and here. Very well-done imo!) In any case, Mystra absolutely has personal motive to do what she did, that has nothing to do with Gale personally. That it turned into grooming for a sexual relationship isn't a huge leap in light of her apparent mindset either. But lets take a moment to review that.

This is a really good recap setting up Mystra's situation. Karsus too, by the by. This second video here helps explain Mystra's own situation. My understanding is like this:

Mystryl was the original goddess of magic. Mystryl was a born-goddess rather than an ascended mortal goddess, which is important to note because both exist in the Forgotten Realms. Mystryl was neutral alignment. The Weave, magic, and those casting magic all tied into her divine portfolio. Divine portfolios reflect deities' jurisdictions and callings, which empowers them through use in the world as well as mortal worship. With all this in-mind, naturally it benefited Mystryl to encourage experimentation, devotion, and arcane ambition. The more spellcasters pushed the limits of magic, the more powerful Mystryl became too. This was when the Empire of Netheril came about, with its floating cities and its magocracies. Worth noting, eleventh level spells were being used at this point in time. Cue a bunch of aberrations showing up, called phaerimm. Cosmic horror monstrosities that sort of looked like if you combined grubs and lampreys then made them way too big. On the one hand they were ridiculously powerful natural spellcasters themselves. On the other, they could straight up detect, deflect, and eat magic at will. Incidentally they were also extremely hostile to other life forms. So them existing at the same time as Netheril caused some massive problems. The wizard empire was at war, struggling, and panicking. Karsus was a prodigy and the one most people were turning to for protection at the time. Karsus decided the best way to solve the problem was to become a god himself using the first and only twelfth level spell (of his own design) then get rid of the phaerimm that way. The spell specifically required the caster to replace a god of their choice. Karsus, being a wizard, thought Mystryl was the strongest divine force of all time and chose her. The first video explained very well, but it basically sounds like as a born-goddess--maintaining the Weave was essentially an autonomic process for Mystryl. Basically required as much thought as beating your own heart. It wasn't like that for Karsus. Karsus might have been the best wizard in the sense that someone might be the best marathon runner of all time, but if you take that marathon runner and then tell them they have to pump their heart manually from now on they're not just going to lose any future races they attempt--they might just die on the spot. Which is kind of what happened to Karsus. Karsus became a god of ambition along with magic, then lost his divinity to become a Great Old One instead. These days he's a stone stained in the gore of his dead people who speaks in fountains of blood. (One of the reasons I'm not enabling Gale in his quest to become god of magic, by-the-by.) Mystryl died because of Karsus's spell. Mystryl probably hadn't considered mortals, let alone the wizards who gave her so much power as a goddess, a threat to her personally before. An incarnation of Mystra (not Gale's Mystra) was born from the ashes of Mystryl to become the new goddess of magic. One of the first things Mystra does after basically reincarnating from Mystryl is ban mortals from using magic at level ten or higher. Mystra is now aware that mortals can challenge the gods and straight up kill her personally. She still needs casters using magic at high level to empower herself as a goddess, but it's a double-edged sword that can absolutely kill her. And to make matters worse... this Mystra also gets killed later. The Mystra we have now was a mortal woman (Midnight) who kept Mystra's name to avoid confusing worshippers, who'd been chosen by Mystra previously and ascended into that role. Midnight-Mystra, from the sound of it, also got killed for a bit and had to get saved by Elminster.

Like I said before, I do think there were some timeline blips going on for Mystra with Baldur's Gate 3. As long as she's died and reincarnated twice, her psychological state is cemented. How long it took her to come back and whether there were even more deaths than that is less important. I'd argue the key ideas we're supposed to take away about Mystra from this are that she is a goddess who 1) at this point is an ascended mortal who may have certain inherited memories or experiences from born-deities 2) is hyper aware that mortals can kill her 3) has been killed and reborn multiple times, not just by mortals but the very wizards she draws power from.

This is absolutely a shitty situation. It makes sense Mystra has complexes around it. It makes sense Midnight-Mystra would feel especially afraid when it comes to wizards seeing as she herself is a former mortal, so her position likely feels even more tenuous. The way she interacts with wizards and relates to her own position as a goddess is not as someone secure in her own power, but someone who sees anyone coming close to her level as a direct threat to her life. She needs casters to be strong to fuel her portfolio, but if they're too strong they can challenge her. So she is using whatever tools at her disposal to keep them beneath her while maintaining her own strength. It's also worth remembering that Mystra has no pretense of being good-alignment. Her motive in confronting the Netherbrain wasn't to protect Toril from mindflayers, but to protect herself personally from the Crown of Karsus and protect the Weave from the Karsic Weave. If magic as a force is in danger (as per the Karsic Weave) she might try to do something, but what befalls mortals is irrelevant to her. I'd argue she's 1000% acting out of self-interest for Baldur's Gate 3. And again--it makes sense given her position. It makes sense given the track record for gods in the Forgotten Realms.

So, if we go with the in-game implications that Mystra is supposed to have been active across Gale's life and was active when Minsc was running around a century ago (referenced in his comments about Rashemen protecting boys from Mystra)... what kind of relationship has Mystra built with wizards in particular? This is heavy speculation here but I'm going off of Gale's experience, Elminster's behavior, a point of notable cattiness from Lorroakan, and Mystra's motives.

I think Mystra encourages wizards to compete for her favor, both through their arcane power and on a personal level. She encompasses their entire world and dictates everything they are capable of by holding the Weave in her portfolio. Casters are nothing without her. She is fickle in her attentions, moving between wizard paramours and chosen so they constantly feel the need to prove themselves worthy of her love. As their goddess, they have no room to question her or ask for loyalty born of personal affection. Mystra does not care. She is inherently more than they are and ever will be, and unless they have something to woo her through her portfolio specifically there is no reason for her to stick around. They're lucky she gives them the time of day. Even if she can't literally, physically, personally prevent a wizard from interacting with the Weave--she can seriously screw with them while they do. Mystra's first post-Mystryl act was to blanket-limit the spells wizards could perform, remember? And BG3 Mystra was able to pluck the orb from Gale's chest at any time, whenever she felt like it. She just didn't. Lifetimes of work, dedication, study, and innovation are not ultimately credited to the casters who built themselves through their art but to Mystra. Memorized spells, arcane gestures, the interaction of components. She can make all of that so much harder. And she takes credit for any advancement a wizard makes. Origin Gale has lines with Minthara where he struggles to see himself as capable of anything without Mystra's say-so and needs to be reminded that she can't claim everything he has ever done through magic, and she hasn't managed to stop him yet. The fact that Gale himself, as Mystra's former lover, doesn't believe this initially and needs someone who very much is not a wizard to remind him says a lot about the dynamic Mystra set up with him and (in all likelihood) other wizards. So how does all of this fit in with the grooming point? Well, magic users are going to be much easier to psychologically control if Mystra starts taking advantage of them when they're still children and don't know any better. She needs to feed off of their strength with no risk to herself, so she needs to make sure they are can't even fathom turning on her. Maximize the power difference, ingrain that shit early. And if it becomes a sexual relationship... Mystra can tell herself they're even less likely to consider turning on her because it's just one more way they depend on her for validation.

Mystra's own fear and trauma (like Cazador's) does not prevent her from becoming an abuser. And like Cazador, she's using it to fuel the abuse she commits herself.

Something else I want to highlight before I segue to focus on Gale further, is how wizards deal with each other and why policy differs toward wizards versus other casters.

Wizards are nerds with shared interests. They're fucking around to see what's possible with magic and seem genuinely excited when anyone innovates. Innovation is something they can learn from and incorporate it into their own art. But actual wizard friendships, at least in Baldur's Gate 3, seem to be rare. They undercut each other emotionally and often look for ways to elevate themselves above their peers. Gale's colleagues left him to twist alone in his tower for a year. Elminster prioritizes pleasing Mystra by passing on her message for Gale to kill himself, and defends her if the player condemns Mystra's behavior. He even gets angry for certain dialogue options.

(It bears saying, I think Elminster has been psychologically wrecked by Mystra too. He does seem to be trying in spite of that but guy's not well himself.)

Even if not all wizards look to become romantically entangled with Mystra, Mystra has definitely encouraged competition and mistrust between them. After all, if the wizards supported each other they might realize they're stronger than her and that she's been causing harm. Another potential death.

I suspect the reason Mystra focuses on wizards is because wizards are ordinary people who know they were born ordinary, and know how hard it was to build arcane power. They aren't as secure in themselves as sorcerers who use magic like a reflex. And warlocks manage to work around Mystra with patrons who aren't beholden to her. So best for Mystra to undermine, manipulate, or otherwise occupy sorcerers who are strong enough to pose threats and teach the wizards they'd be nothing without her.

... One of the other arguments I saw recently was that Gale was being disingenuous/lying to himself and the player when he claims he wanted to gift Mystra a part of herself back. That he only wants power for power's sake, is kind of a terrible person, and it would be boring if he was being genuine. I deeply disagree with this stance.

When it comes to motivation, I'd argue power is by nature a means to an end rather than the end itself. "If I'm powerful enough no one will be able to hurt me again," "If I'm powerful enough I can fix every terrible thing I feel the need to," "If I'm powerful enough I can push the boundaries of what is possible and find a sense of wonder at the results."

Power because power does not cut it as a motive. It's likewise with ambition. We're not 2-D mustache twirlers here.

Ambition includes experimenting with a project to see if you can pull off something new or particularly difficult. Finding joy in the process and challenge itself isn't evil. It isn't even unhealthy.

Competing with others isn't necessarily negative either, in the right context. Being an elite athlete at the Olympics for example, you're putting your own skills against those around you in the hopes of surpassing them. It doesn't mean you think poorly of your fellow competitors. If anything, one would hope you respect them deeply for the shared discipline and passion. (But you still want to win, course. ;P)

If you read my post about DnD's pantheon, it's pretty clear I'm not opposed to the idea of A. firing gods from positions they're neglecting or B. nominating others to oversee necessary-but-unused portfolios. There are established gods of the Forgotten Realms who need, urgently, to be sacked. Being born into divinity, set up through nepotism, or 'elected by seniority' is not enough to shield a deity from my judgment. Mystra is abusing her worshippers, and while her portfolio might be able to squeak by I'd argue she's been compromised and is committing unprofessional and detrimental behavior in her capacity as goddess of magic. ESPECIALLY knowing she's like this as an ascended mortal. Any other mortal would be well within moral bounds to replace her. She has no ethical high ground in that regard. Managing autonomic maintenance of the Weave is an issue, but if someone showed up to replace her with the argument that Mystra is unfit due to committing abuse... I don't think that person would be morally wrong. Ballsy as hell, but not wrong.

So what's going on with Gale?

Gale canonically, in dialogue, thinks he and the world might both be better off if he was dead. I'll go a step further and argue that before the game even starts Gale considers his personal self a net-negative. If he isn't offsetting that with magical skill, knowledge, achievements, material possessions, and overall usefulness--he doesn't think he has a reason to be alive. The universe is worse for his existing in it.

Gale brags because he's trying to show he has something of value to give other people when he sees nothing of value in himself. He's trying to prove he can be an asset so others will keep him around. He brags notably less as he gains a sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and general support as acts progress. The times he gets snippy with other casters are because if he isn't the only and most useful magic guy to get something done, Gale thinks he might as well be thrown away. He is replaceable. He's also terrified to admit anything about the orb in Act I because there is no way to see it as anything but a danger and a burden. When that's added to his depression, he's sure he'll get abandoned in the wilderness to explode by himself and it might even serve him right. No one will mourn him. They might even be glad to be rid of the burden he brought.

Gale wants others to like him, to see him as a good person, to see him as someone brave and smart and worthy of trust. He absolutely does not see himself that way. If he's trying to prove it to the party--he's trying to prove it to himself just as much. There's a line he can give with The Dark Urge where he comments that if people are being killed just for being annoying, he should be dead a thousand times over. If you get solid approval with him at the tiefling party, he'll admit he didn't have any friends before the game. And while I can only speak to a particular romantic route, in Act III he talks about having been told to his face at various points/in various ways that he's insufferable. He knows other people don't like him and don't believe in him. If bad things happen to him they probably think he deserves it. He might even think so too.

Gale doesn't see anything worthwhile in himself that isn't built through wizardry. It has to be because he was smart enough, worked hard enough, and showed enough character to earn his power. If it's sorcery (and this is only a standard he applies to himself) then all that effort he put in would become meaningless. He can't look at his personal self as having done anything deserving of value or respect if he's a sorcerer because magic was easier for him than other people. And if he can't provide any magic, knowledge, or resources at all then no one has reason to give him the time of day. People hate him. Mystra only paid attention for his abilities as a spellcaster. The mortal, personal aspects of him were things she put up with.

So forget power and ambition for just a moment. What does Gale as a person in that position, who feels that way about himself, actually want? I'd argue that he probably just wanted to know the person he loved most actually gave a shit about him as a person. That he wasn't disposable or only worth as much as his skills and material possessions. I'm pretty sure he'd have wanted that regardless of whether Mystra was a goddess. Mystra both being the kind of goddess she was and the kind of person she was kept telling him he should be satisfied, that he shouldn't want any more than she was giving him. He can't climb any higher than her. No one can give him more than her. She is divine, she is the world itself. Gale never felt loved in that relationship. Due to Mystra's abuse he got to a place where the idea of wanting to be loved back became sacrilegious. It meant there was something wrong with him, that he was arrogant and insatiable. How else could he feel utterly alone and unlovable with a goddess?

Gale desperately wanted to mean something to Mystra personally, so he tried to offer a gesture of love in her language. Something he thought would be valuable to her as an individual and something requiring a ton of arcane skill/strength to deliver. He wanted her to look at him like he was irreplaceable as a person. I genuinely don't think that's a power-hungry or ambitious thing to want.

Gale didn't understand the orb, and unfortunately for him he didn't understand Mystra either. She wasn't the wise and understanding goddess he thought she was. She never wanted an equal. She does not have it in her to love someone as such. The idea of equality, for Mystra, is something that must be crushed to preserve herself.

I figure that the Gale who ascends to godhood has accumulated a divine amount of stuff and power to compensate for his belief that lacking those things, he would be worthless. If Gale wasn't a wizard it might have been music, or writing, or fighting, or politics--any skill, influence, or resource could be used the same way. It’s not that ambition is inherently bad. It’s that for Gale, it’s unhealthy. The ambition isn’t for its own sake. He’s using it as a counterweight against his own sense of worthlessness. God Gale buries his problems instead of dealing with them. He will never know if a character who romances him only did so because they saw his potential and wanted to come along for the ride. He will never know if they'd have bothered to stick around if he was only Gale Dekarios, if he didn't have so much to offer them. He tells himself it's enough that they believed he could do it.

With the mortal Gale ending, we should note that Gale doesn’t need power to enjoy the study of magic if he’s healthy. His priority isn’t about pushing the limits of spells, making new ones, or making a name for himself. Given room to decide for himself, he just wants to uplift and share with others through teaching. His trends in approval and disapproval support this preference too.

For Gale, I really think ambition and power are crutches he uses to justify being alive because he doesn't see any other reason. Give him a reason and he genuinely doesn't need them. They're the means, not the end. He does not want power for the sake of power. Guy is sad and doesn't know how to live with himself. He's not a worse or less believable character with that being his motive. Stories are about people, and people don't move through the world with static 'flaws' and 'virtues' checklists that need to be balanced. There's nothing inherently deeper or more meaningful about villainous characters compared to heroic ones. People make choices and deal with situations according to their experiences moment to moment, trying to make sense of things as best they can throughout their lives. Gale fits perfectly within this. The other cast members do too.

And for the record, while I'd argue Karsus was far more ambitious in character than Gale--even for him, it wasn't just about power. The guy was trying to save his people. He fucked up in a horrible and traumatic way so he's a Netherese blood fountain now. (RIP Karsus but also someone please pact with him.)

And as one last, controversial section... what did Gale's experience with Mystra do to him when it comes to his relationship with sex?

From how Gale talks about and shows Weave-sex, I'd argue it's an extension of him feeling inadequate as a mortal. And knowing this is a controversial point + a lot of people have done and loved the Weave scene because it reflects Gale's love of magic, I offer this: Gale would not be less worthy of love if he didn't have magic. Gale does not know this about himself. He went from an archwizard with a tower and Mystra's chosen to a level one adventurer sleeping on the ground. His entire relationship with magic for much of the game is incredibly unhealthy because he sees the person left in its absence as worthless. For Gale to have a healthy arc, I'd argue he needs to learn how to look at himself as nothing but a man and know he's still precious and irreplaceable. He needs to learn that he doesn't need to prove he deserves to be alive. He isn't disappointing. He doesn't have to try to impress others all the time to have a place in their worlds. He doesn't need to bribe people with shiny things or unique abilities so they'll tolerate the rest. He can exist as no one and nothing but himself and be treasured just for that.

I think at some point Gale could potentially have sex in the Weave again as a repairing experience where he's confident that his physical body, his reactions, and his wants weren't anything to feel ashamed of. Reclaiming that from his experience with Mystra could be very powerful and sexy. But for the first time he has sex since Mystra, when he thinks he's going to need to kill himself any day now and has been struggling between terror and self-hatred, I personally think it's healthier for him to get the validation of being enough as just Gale. Not the Wizard of Waterdeep. His life isn't being advocated for because he's strong or unique in bed. Someone wants him alive as just a person.

And not for nothing... I'm saying this as a writer who can't not write. I've had to do my own share of reflection about how I look at myself if writing isn't the metric of my worth. I wouldn't think Gale needs to abandon all magic any more than I would need to abandon all writing. But it's really important to know we aren't empty trash without our callings, you know?

Before I end this post, I do want to invite readers to think back to those bullets I made before on unhealthy power imbalance.

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

If Mystra deliberately started grooming Gale from a young age, emphasized and exaggerated the power discrepancy rather than making any effort to close the gap, that's a pretty big deal. Gale definitely never had equal respect or sway in the relationship compared to her. She'd probably find the idea insulting in the face of her godhood. She didn't want a partner but a supplicant who obeyed her with no needs for himself. Mystra actively distorted Gale's sense of boundaries and magnified what she could take from him if he displeased her. His life's work, his ability to access parts of his own mind for spells, his means of functioning in the world, his ability to defend himself... but also? His health and survival, once the orb was brought into play. And socially, Gale was incredibly isolated. It sounds like he hasn't even seen his own mother in at least a year, which I have some thoughts on. He was friendless for a long time even as Mystra's chosen. And Mystra made sure other wizards knew when she abandoned him to the point that even Lorroakan was aware. Mystra's offense was something for others to look down on him for. And Gale struggles in-game with the idea that Mystra mistreated or neglected him--because how could a goddess, his goddess, do that? He's been gaslit so hard that he doesn't quite get a moment of fully realizing it wasn't his fault. In some dialogue options Mystra even tries to frame his trauma over her abuse, unaware even that he had the Karsic Weave inside him, as wallowing in self-pity.

Gale did make a mistake, but I'd argue it matters a lot that the mistake was innocent and that he's woefully misjudged Mystra's character. He's being told it couldn't have been innocent and he deserves to be punished for it. He largely believes that. Doesn't make it true.

[bri-sonat]

NSFW Questions About Gwen's Big Five - Part Three

Questions are taken from this. The original poster deactivated their account, so it's the reblog that is linked. All the questions are modified and some are removed (either because the question had already been answered or because it referred to hetero relations.)

NSFW Questions About Gwen's Big Five Masterlist

As always, a glorious team effort between @daydream-cement and I. With the occasional assistance from my love, @na-shoba.

Have they ever sent someone a dirty text/picture/video?

Brienne: In modern times, the farthest she has gone was to indulge in a few sexts with her partner at their initiation.

Larissa: A tasteful nude never hurt anyone. With a long-term partner, she may even indulge in an audio message on rare occasions.

Lucifer: No.

Phasma: Yes. To her romantic partner, definitely. All of the above. She loves teasing them and making them “ready” for her planned ventures.

Miranda: Absolutely! She loves sexting and taking nudes for her person. 

Would they have sex with their best friend?

Brienne: No.

Larissa: She did in high school and she would again. She loves having a strong bond with the people she has sex with so she would definitely have sex with her best friend.

Lucifer: Mazikeen? Yeah, totally.

Phasma: She doesn’t have a best friend. If she did and it was a woman… probably.

Miranda: She wouldn’t say no to Robin…

Is there anything they do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

Brienne: If she was a smoker: she’d need a cigarette after that cause she’d be so stressed after the first couple of times. However, she’d go straight to aftercare for her partner or drink water for herself, depending on if she’s given or received it. 

Larissa: B-A-T-H. SHE LOVES TAKING BATHS (especially if the person she just had sex with is her romantic partner). It’s relaxing, there is the option for more sex, but most of all, it’s incredibly intimate and she loves that.

Lucifer: They love a good cuddle, pulling their partner to them and holding them while they both recover.

Phasma: If it’s a “conquest,” she either leaves the place of sex or kicks the person out of her quarters. If it’s her romantic partner, she’d let them hold her until they fall asleep.

Miranda: She loves snuggling and chatting. The most important thing to her is continuing the physical touch aspect as they have quality time together.

Something that will never fail to get them horny?

Brienne: Her partner’s moans, whimpers, whines, groans. Just her partner in general as well.

Larissa: Physically strong women.

Lucifer: Their partner.

Phasma: Having someone completely under her control, having them submit sexually to her.

Miranda: Hearing a woman moan.

Early-morning sex or late-night sex?

Brienne: She dabbles in whatever her partner wishes. She doesn’t have a preferred one.

Larissa: Early-morning sex.

Lucifer: Late-night sex.

Phasma: Whenever sex. But it’s mostly during the evenings. Sometimes morning sex.

Miranda: Late-night sex.

Favorite body part of the same sex?

Brienne: Boobs and thighs.

Larissa: Strong shoulders and a nice ass.

Lucifer: They cannot choose a favorite part of their partner. 

Phasma: Ass. Loves seeing it bright red. 

Miranda: Boobies :D

Something that they have hidden in their room that they don’t want anyone to find:

Brienne: In modern times: her (possible) sex toys. In olden times: maybe some lesbian literature.

Larissa: Preferably not her sex toys.

Lucifer: No one should be going through their belongings, lest they wish to suffer the consequences.

Phasma: She doesn’t care if someone finds anything in her room, they wouldn’t live long enough to share the knowledge. Also, no one would dare enter her room without her consent and even if they were allowed, they wouldn’t dare snoop around.

Miranda: Her strap-on.

Weirdest sexual act someone has performed [or tried to perform] on/with them:

Brienne: Heterosexuality. Someone tried and failed.

Larissa: Shapeshifting in the bedroom. She did not like shapeshifting her entire being for sex, but on the rare occasion, she doesn’t mind shapeshifting to have a penis.

Lucifer: They only smirked when asked this question.

Phasma: She only chuckled in disbelief when asked this question. She then smirked and said, “No one would dare to try anything with me.” Her romantic partner is excluded.

Miranda: In college, she once had a one-night stand with a guy who had a thing for women’s socks. She doesn’t like to talk about it.

Have they ever tasted themselves? [If no, would they?] [If yes, what did they think?]

Brienne: Yes, because she’s insecure about it and wanted to see how she tasted. At first, she’d feel insecure and a bit weirded out, but after some time she’d start to feel much better about it, especially if her partner tells her she tastes good. After this, she also starts licking off her partner’s fingers after they have fingered her and can appreciate kissing her partner after they have given her oral.

Larissa: Only after kissing her partner after receiving oral. She didn’t care for the taste, but the act itself was very erotic.

Lucifer: Of course. It was delightful.

Phasma: Yes. She loves it.

Miranda: Yep! She didn’t mind it, but she would rather taste herself on her partner’s lips.