#picked up antidepressants

[cult-of-the-eye]

Guys I am so proud of myself:

I recognised that I was feeling like shit so I did something about it to make myself feel better!!

(i wrote it down and cried)

I also had some fun!! I went on a walk!! I watched a movie!!

I did it guys!!! I dealt with an emotion in a healthy way!!!

[killingsboys]

drinking a glass of lemonade and remembering that life is worth living

[peemil]

i should be playing outside today

[emohorseboy]

Coming off antidepressants after being on them pretty much my entire adult life and the bulk of my teens is such a fucking wild ride there are so many things I’d just got used to that I sort of forgot were side effects and it’s a lot to process because 15-22 isn’t even that long a period of time but in that time antidepressants have done a number on me in more ways than just the actual effects like I don’t know what is and isn’t normal for me and my body because I’ve been on these drugs since I was so young

[communistfries]

I really do exhibit the Most unemployed behavior sometimes

[willorm-the-seer]

The uruk sat, his short calves dangling in the cold water, swirling it around his tight skin, his ears back, eyes narrowed in concentration. or maybe it wasn’t concentration. maybe it was simply thinking thoughts. perhaps happy thoughts. maybe horrific, bloody thoughts, the way you would imagine an uruk to think.

but you couldn’t tell - no one could. he always looked the same. eyes narrowed, thinking. maybe he was hearing voices. voices calling out to him, begging him to come home. but that would be silly. uruks don’t have anyone that would beg to them. for them. he was probably hearing the voices of all the innocent lives he had slaughtered. souls he had dragged away, into the darkness of his wretched heart.

or maybe he was just thinking. it was hard to tell with an orc. honestly, they probably didn’t do much thinking at all. especially if they were all like this one - it acted as though it were an animal. did animals ever hear the voices, you could now so clearly hear screaming from his mind, calling out, calling out for you, begging for you?

“hey,” you murmur, sitting beside him. he doesn’t look up. he usually doesn’t.

you glance up at the sky, the sun hidden, the moon hidden, the clouds gathering like horses around the fresh corpse of one of their fallen. the clouds were dark, darker than the darkest night, promising a pelting of rain. but it never came. it was simply just dark. and windy. so windy, the wind wound around your body, your legs, your body hair and whipped into your face, making your softer eyes narrow just as the uruk’s still were. the smell of rain was heavy on the cursed wind. but still, none came.

the tall, dead grass danced happily, pleased for the rain, and yet, dancing as though it were trying to appease the sky. for the dead grass already knew it was dead, but it still knew the pain of fire. the rain was welcome, but with rain, especially to the dead weeds, came fire.

the uruk didn’t seem to mind, though. in fact, it seemed he was enjoying himself. finally. he glances up at you, gazing into your eyes. not in a lustful way, or a loving way, or even a slightly interested way. just a dead way. the way he often did, even when he was happy.

you simply blink back. “storms coming,” you say instead, looking back up.

“aye,” he grunted. he was silent for a moment. it was often silent, with this one. it was always as if he had to choke his words out, as if it were physically painful for him, as if the words were climbing, strangling, wrapping around his guts, crawling and clawing the way out of his brain, to meet in the middle at his throat, before they choked and killed him altogether. it must be a painful experience, you think. to be constantly tortured, even in the slightest of solaces, like breathing out thoughts into the needy, silent world.

he finally gagged up the words, “i will see many more storms, before my time is up. but perhaps you already know that.”

his voice was odd, for an uruk. it was rough, and demanding, threatening. but it was also soft, and gentle, as if he were demanding your forgiveness, your help, your mercy.

“i did not know you had a time,” you comment instead, side eyeing him. he had been around for the entire time you have been here. you didn’t even realize he had to leave. a time to depart. you wonder if it will be in pain or not.

he glances at you again, his gaze unreadable. “it will be in pain,” he murmurs, before looking away again.

“then why do you go?” you ask simply, not commenting on the fact he had seemingly plucked the thoughts from your mind, the way an uruk never should have.

“i do not have a choice.”

you think about this for a minute, turning the thought over in your mind. “is it a punishment?”

“no… well i would think not.”

you’re silent again. “well, i should miss you,” you finally whisper, gazing worriedly up at the sky, not wanting to get wet, as if that was the only concern you could ever have.

“you should, but you won’t. most won’t.”

“but your most and everyone else’s mosts are not the same,” you argue. “do you have no one that will care? maybe this isn’t a punishment, but a savior.”

he winced, finally showing emotion. “perhaps.” he whispered, his voice like a dark shadow on the gusty wind, before overlooking the water once more.

a sudden salty, watery smell, like the sea breezed in on the storm’s wind. it had an odd citrus tinge to it, and as you blinked your eyes in a distant look of mild intrigue, you missed the only tear that fell from the monster’s broken face.

[abitnotgoodiebag]

For @winterfalconevents

[erismourn]

i wish ppl would stop talking abt canadian healthcare like it’s some sort of utopian socialist system because liek. it’s not. categorically, canadian healthcare is not free

yeah I can show up to the hospital with a broken arm and get it fixed without paying but you know what WASN’T free? the physiotherapy I had to go to in order to regain the ability to use my arm. nor the prescription medications to manage my chronic pain or various mental illnesses. nor the physio my dad needed to get after he was pumped full of drugs during recovery from cancer that gave him nerve pain. nor his chiropractic visits. nor my eyeglasses or his lasik. yeah, I can go to the hospital and enroll in their dbt program, but the waitlist is TWO AND A HALF YEARS LONG. people can and have killed themselves waiting for care here. but don’t worry, medical assistance in dying is totally covered! your landlord won’t upgrade your inaccessible apartment and disability pay has you orders of magnitude below the poverty line? no problem! oh, no, we’re not going to give you a rent suppliment. have you considered state sponsored suicide?

[gibbearish]

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

[alchemylive]

yo so it turns out that eating protein is good

[running-tweezers]

Any of my beloved mutuals want to come here and help me commit arson at the local Walgreens Pharmacy?*

*for legal reasons, this is a joke

[apostlearcana]

⤵️

[killingsboys]

the relationship between a girl and the ~5k word fic that she rereads regularly because it makes her laugh so much..... it's so personal

[ladysophiebeckett]

jesse armstrong also wrote this scene for me. i am being catered to left and right tonight. 

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 331

learn from my mistakes, yall.

[harrowharkwife]

it would be cool if talking to my mom could help me feel better for once instead of. making everything worse