#pictured: HOW i'm feeling right now
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#galarian slowpoke#picture this. this was the first pokémon revealed from the new DLCs for pokémon sword and shield. the pokémon company#up until this point‚ has never done DLC for a pokémon game before. you‚ having been jaded by shitty DLCs for other games in the past#now have a distaste for the phrase‚ and imagine this can't be good. then‚ in their teaser for the new DLC‚ they add a little event#into the game where they reveal one of the new pokémon that is going to be added in the DLC#and it is a galarian form. that is identical to the original pokémon. but with a yellow head#are you imagining it. now how fucking disappointed are you. how little faith do you have in that DLC that it's going to be as good as it wa#for the most part‚ the pokémon company has demonstrated that they do absolutely excellent DLCs. proper expansions#basically an entire other game on top of the game you already have. and they typically take up the release cycle of a full game#scarlet/violet's especially. WONDERFUL dlc. i never really properly finished the crown tundra just because i was so late to the party#because i avoided buying the dlc for so long because of this experience that i've just described to you#that by the time i bought it and played it‚ it was just because SV had been announced and i wanted more pokémon to tide me over#and i never finished it. one of these days‚ i'd like to go back and finish it‚ but i'm playing through pokémon xd gale of darkness right no#and i prefer to play. one game at a time. and i don't know when i'll ever really get back to it#or if i'll ever get back to it! 'cause without resetting my save file all the way i'll just have to Remember what it is that already happen#which i'm. notoriously bad at when it comes to coming back to games that i haven't played in a while#plus i know sv is like shitty performance or whatever but the movement in that game is so much better#it feels so much more freeing than going back to gen 8 where you can still just. run. and that's it#i know nobody likes scarlet/violet but i still. like it. performance aside. like yes the performance is terrible but i still had a great#time with it. i just praised its DLC for fuck's sake! its DLC was fuckin wonderful! it has kieran in it so it like can't be bad
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Yet another crochet and knit hack: the patterns are a mild suggestion. You can do what you want forever, you have free will 💛💛💛
#art#fiber art#crochet#knit#i want to write a variation of the blanket pattern i'm making right now because i don't know how i feel about it still#i like the pattern like it looks cool. but i kind of want more variety#i'll show a picture once i'm done - i frogged a huge portion again because i'm like. almost toxically and paradoxically a perfectionist#i tend to read patterns to understand what i like about it then if i have other ideas i'll incorporate them in#it's important to be able to read and understand patterns so you can see where your inspiration leads you#you don't necessarily *need* a pattern in order to achieve something you will like#and you don't HAVE to follow the pattern to the *exact* specifications#like i think i'm liking my blanket because i sozed down the hook size to an 8.00mm instead of the recommended 10.00mm#there is no WAY i would care for using that big of a hook especially because the pattern will leave holes due to the design
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My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔
#forgive the low quality dfghfds it was just an experiment#now to do the DRAW ANYONE ELSE challenge#siggy draws#he is my blorbo. my muse. i guess#don't get me wrong. i am CRINGING and SWEATING at just the thought of uploading this.#have i been drawing almost every day my entire life? yes. does my style still change all the time? yes!#and i'm mostly self-taught so i struuuuggle a lot. i'll finally admit that reference pictures help immensely. no shit lol.#i learned a lot in the last 2 years!!! there are some really ugly ones i didn't show but i kept the cringe old ones sdfghfds help.#i mean they're still here on tumblr so i can't exactly hide them#you can kind of see when i actually started to use reference pictures. and when i got more used to using a tablet#idk digital art is so hard. it's a whole other world. but i'm in it now and haven't drawn traditionally in forever#i can also literally see how i used to CRUSH my nibs while drawing. all those really thin lines?? i pressed too hard lol#i've actually kept all my nibs since i started drawing digitally and....... it's too many fghfds#that one slightly more realistic nicky in the bottom right of the first collage lmaooo. i should finish him... maybe... it's haaard.#the top right on the first collage and bottom right on the second one are good comparisons ;_; they're both pirate!nico gifts for lily!!#i'm feeling sentimental now omg
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So, imagine being Arthur today. He gets that letter yesterday, and his dad is kind of on the mend, and his bullshit detectors are going off very loudly. So he rushes back to visit Lucy today.
He comes in quickly, whispering urgently to Jack, so he's obviously already deeply concerned. When he arrives it's to the sight of two probably visibly stressed/scared doctors moving with urgency. And within seconds of saying hello, he's told that his suspicions were right, that Lucy is in very poor shape. (Arthur's internal 'people trying to make things sound better' translation: she is actively dying right now.)
He's immediately given the opportunity to do something helpful, at the least, and of course he's more than willing. He'd do anything, make any sacrifice, for her to live. (He soon learns that his suspicions are correct, her life is indeed on the line.) He's grateful to Jack that he was willing to give her blood, but Arthur is a better choice. He's not her doctor after all, so he can give more. And this is the only thing he can do, so of course he wants to do it.
He's told he has to wait outside. By the time he comes in, she's asleep. The first time he's seen her in a week, and she's unconscious the whole time.
He kisses her.
She looks wretched, he can barely hear her breathing. At least his blood seems to be helping. He's so, so glad to watch her color improve. The longer it takes, the weaker he feels. Dizzy, and tired, and he doesn't care, he'll keep going as long as needed if she will only improve just a little more. Does Arthur know how dangerous transfusions are? I imagine probably not, and so he's at least able to take comfort in van Helsing's promise that Lucy will be better after this.
And yet, even then. How much comfort can he have? He's escorted out of the room immediately after. He can't stay by her side lest he scare her. Can't stay in the house lest he frighten and kill her mother. He gets a drink and a short rest and then he's told to go home.
He might be drunk, with the wine and blood loss. He's almost certainly feeling very weak. Tired, and dizzy, and he has to go home and stay there all alone. Hoping that his blood will save her life. Hoping that his friend will send him good news.
He didn't get to say a single word to her.
#dracula daily#arthur holmwood#i can't imagine having to leave by myself after something like that. it'd be agonizing#i'm just picturing him sitting at home thinking if she dies she won't have even known he was ever there. tells himself he saved her#and that they'd telegram him if it got worse again but how can he be sure right now. can he make himself truly believe it?#and even if his dad is a bit better it's not enough for him to feel like he can confide in him probably#art please write to your cowboy or something you NEED a hug
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little floof has the best possible time at con, proceeds to spend the next month crying about it
#personal#not trying to be dramatic but i have actually cried a little two separate times tonight because i'm just so. happy. 😭#these past three-and-a-bit days have been packed to the brim with so much joy and excitement there was nowhere else for it to go#i feel so warm and just /happy/#i haven’t felt this much like myself in months and months i adore con#it just feels a little like home every year#it feels safe and full of joy and laughter and i can just dress up and be goofy with my friends#and getting to see my favorite guests brings me such infinite amounts of happiness#and all the interactions i have with them and how they REMEMBER ME and have started CALLING MY NAME IN THE HALLS TO SAY HI fjeiwoaf#and skip beat asking me if i’m coming to their next show every time they finish one#and shun giving me Super Top Secret Information today that they’d be performing in the traditional music concert & asking if i’ll be there#and them waving and smiling when they see me#jigoroh being so cute and going 'HI SARAH HI SARAH' and going for a high five when i went up to ask for a picture after their panel#and a bunch of them reposting my stories / posts on ig with the SWEETEST little thank you notes thanking me for coming#and them all telling me ‘see you next year!!’#anyway i cannot possibly explain it in words but this con honestly means so much to me and i love it so so much#and i’m just. right now. so happy. that there’s nowhere else for the joy to go but to leak out of my eyeballs
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sorry for how slow and sparse I've been getting around to everyone. I'm doing my best but genuinely rn I desperately need to take care of myself instead of always putting others first.
#I've been. not okay mentally or emotionally for a few weeks now.#and I'm eternally grateful for the. like. 2 people that know that and have been so kind and patient with me.#and I feel bad for not giving as much as I want to be to /everyone/ right now and how much I feel like I'm falling behind.#but I don't have the energy or the will rn and I need to be shaken and forced to rest.#I'm so depressed and stressed out and anxious over every little thing rn.#my sense of self-worth is fucking shot and I'm trying so hard to be brave and remind myself people really do care about me.#that I'm not nuisance that I'm not causing problems and ruining everything that it's not better for everyone if I just wasn't in the picture#idk this isn't like. I want to be swarmed with reassurances right now.#it's more of just. I'm sorry. I know my mood is fluctuating and I'm very slow lately.#I promise I'm not ignoring anyone.#I'm just in a not great spot and it's taking a bad toll on me especially when I know how I am trying to appease others.#while giving up my own well-being giving up my own heart.#I just need to rest and take it easy for a bit. I promise everything is fine.#rambling#maybe delete later
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Substance, Shadow, and Spirit [remixed, abridged] by Tao Yuanming
#liv in the replies#patrice bergeron#boston bruins#brad marchand#do you ever think about how brad marchand said that when bergy retired he would retire or are you capable of normal thought i'm not at all#please say a gratitude for both my sanity& y'all that this poem (which has been saved in my camera roll with the vague idea of using it for#??? long) & not one of the poems i had saved for carey for a really long time & remixed & everything with another poem until i found a poem#that absolutely murdered me in cold blood but there is an alternate universe where i did& then had to explain my unhinged thoughts to you.#anyway how are we feeling about bergy retirement. pspspspsp sara & luna are y'all doing okay like. the doc title for this one was#patrice the hockey player means a lot to me but patrice the person means so much more#which is why the end line of the other poem was so *%"@^)! (you love / what you are) because patrice does. like he is a whole ass good huma#& now since no one asked i need to tell you all the details about everything also y'all please clap i made an edit with NO baby pictures#although i did find one & save it & minimal genres of photo i always use in edits because they're my taste & aesthetic but anyway.#when i saved the first photo and marked it as one i wanted i accidentally wrote “how will he know they love him” which is not the line but#makes me feel feral about patrice & the rest of them all had hurtful names too but also. the third picture is literally a CELLY like brad#just scored a goal & he is clinging to bergy for dear life with that shit i saved that as “oh the agony on his face for unendurable”#& yes it is one of my cliches to have a draft day picture but in my defense the lifelong bond that patrice has/d with boston deserved to be#there even if i put in the love story & YES that picture is from the 2011 playoff right below it shared joy & pain & i couldn't tell you#when the brad marchy photo for together forever is except for the fact that i saw it & just the gut punch of oh my god the way he looks at#things men will praise you for is the stanley cup. duh. but i love the contrast of “some deed” being the stanley cup but then#bergy's choice to do noble deeds (ends up still earning praise &that's my note to his efforts outside of hockey we love a supportive captai#should also mention the first two i came up with & had the photos i knew i wanted for were the first and last one alskaldk but i KNEW i#wanted chara somewhere in the paragraph about leaving & then while i was looking found the one of bergy playing tuukka on accident & yes#i do have to make goalie jokes every time. no reprieve . no dice/no deal/no goal goalies have no rest/reprieve etc etc the one that killed#me though was looking for a patrice award pic & i wanted basically the one that i got for “how will you know any will praise you” & instead#also got the picture of patrice winning the some community hero award for charity work that he does & i love him mama & of COURSE that puck#is from bergy's 1000 game who do you think I am (if you guessed sleepy and emotional about patrice you'd be right) and ALSO please be ready#for all the patrice posts/bruins posts that have been sitting in my drafts to be released on this occasion of patrice retirement#I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT TUUKKA ALSO RETIRED THAT’S WHY HE WAS ON WISE OR SIMPLE NO REPRIEVE AND THAT LATE OR SOON WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE#CHARA BECAUSE CHARA LEFT FIRST TO GO TO THE CAPS AND THEN LEFT IN RETIRMENT HE LEFT SOON BUT NOT FOR REAL THEN LATER LEFT FOR REAL (RETIRED)
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🌋
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#it's sinking in that the increase in the displaying of these 'jokes' at work is related to our boss no longer being here#it can't have been a coincidence that the picture in the inbox went back on top the very day we threw her her goodbye party#apparently this man thinks that she was the one who was pushing back against the nonsense?#and maybe she was - I don't know what went on between them#(though I always got the impression that she seemed a bit afraid of him for whatever reason and just let him do whatever most of the time)#but I'm tired of having to put up with this and angry at the situation in general#and I really will go and talk with the VP of Academic Affairs once I can get some advice from my communications major friend#so I can avoid just walking into her office and exploding#(I don't understand this I don't understand why he feels the need to display these images in the office & always about this now-completely-#irrelevant topic and even if it were relevant the 'jokes' are juvenile and mean-spirited and I know he thinks he's doing the Lord's work in#picking the kinds of books that he does but tell me exactly how this garbage is the Lord's work and what he thinks he's accomplishing with#this other than making himself look petty and giving me further cause for frustration because it isn't just the stupid pictures it's the#pervasive attitude behind them that I have had to deal with for years now and I wish I were a different person so I could get right in his#face and tell him that this is unacceptable and expect to be heard and regarded)
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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So I know we get that load screen that talks about Hazel living a few years longer than projected (if you're a good bean and get the stuff for Agrippa uwu) but she's still sick in general and in hospice care by the time Daniel leaves for Algeria.
What do we think the odds are Daniel relapses into his old ways and winds up using vitae to help 'cure' her? 🥲🥲🥲
#amnesia the dark descent#daniel of mayfair#hazel amnesia#i need to think about this more i have thoughts swirling around about how this could work but#i am feeling very sick tonight and can't formulate amything right 🤣#but i can def see danny re-justifying to himself why doing it for hazel is ok#especially if he's ONLY using 'bad' people now#in fact it's almost like making up for the life of elise! right?? right??? 😅#could also explain further why mandus is SO knowledgeable about vitae if his potential great uncle in daniel#was doing experiments of his own to help hazel rip#essentially i'm picturing a nathan and shilo from repo! kind of vibe here 😂
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question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol
#i honestly do not ever think i've had a positive onboarding experience#in my entire professional life#i guess for me a lot of my early-job anxieties are around expectations and 'rules'#like i want to know what time i'm supposed to be there and what time i'm allowed to leave and what the dress code is#and how the hybrid schedule works#so i don't make dumb mistakes right away#i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible#like i don't have to be DOING anything yet but i want to be watching people do things and shadowing in meetings#so i can start to develop a sense of who's who and what the actual work of the office/workplace looks like#and also because i really value getting a feel for personalities as early as possible lol i want to know what the vibes are#hmm and also maybe most importantly#i feel like in any new situation i need a very loose conceptual framework to hold the new information being given to me#otherwise it's just random pieces of info you know? like it's helpful when someone is actively helping me fit information into a frame#like they're saying 'here's the HUGE picture - now let's zoom in and start looking at this one corner of it - and as we add new corners#i'll actively help you fill in the connective tissue that holds these different parts of the big picture together'#hmmm#my worst onboarding experiences have been when the person training me comes in and throws lots of#long complex extremely context-dependent documents or readings at me#and is like ok spend the week reading those and get back to me#and i'm like ??????????#i have NO understanding of what my role is or how this organization functions#at this point it is not helpful for me to pass my eyes over tons of dense info without a guide to tell me what's important#i have no way of gauging of something is important or trivial and then i feel stressed like i have to learn ALL of it#even though i know that a huge portion of it will end up being not that relevant to my day-to-day job
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So between me taking a break from FF14 and me now being extremely sick, I may just end up posting old gposes and trying to work on making a steady queue again. I promise I'm not dead/inactive, I just been in another game and just when I wanna come back, I get the nastiest flu I've ever gotten 😭
#ooc#mun updates#I swear I'm not dead I'm just really really sick#Like I wouldn't wish this cold on my worst enemy sick#That's how sick I am right now#I can't even stand up for two seconds without falling over cuz of how weak I feel 😭#I hate having to resort to posting old pictures but I have a lot of good ones I think should also be seen
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you know i feel so calm loving aki. i know that he won't do anything to upset me... he's just... so gentle kind and caring person. he's really the best. all i want to do is just love him and give him all my heart because i know he's gonna take good care of it.
I feel the same way... aki just means so much to me, I love him more than anything, he's such a sense of comfort and safety... he's so kind and I know he would treat you like you're precious, he'd be the gentlest thing you've ever known and the soft spot you've always needed. he'd show you love and help you to be the best version of yourself, a kinder person because of him... sigh...
#he's so... important to me...#loving him is just so easy...#aki has such a good heart#I think he's good at his very core#and although he might struggle in a relationship I don't think you'd ever doubt the love he has for you#whenever I see posts that are like what would you and your fictional s/o fight about or get into an argument over#and I'm just like... nothing#cause I genuinely can't picture aki ever fighting with you#even if he was so so mad he would never raise his voice at you#he would always be a soft spot for you to land on#just like how you would be for him#gah... I feel like there's even more I want to say but I can't formulate the words right now...#I just love aki so much... and loving him means a lot to me.....#he's so lovable and thinking about him is definitely a calming type feeling for me#aki = therapy!!!!!#ask mags#aki <3
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They say to never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM but it's always before 9PM somewhere. Anyway I think I might be a therian
#don't take this post 100% seriously I've been sick and#crying my eyes out to “no more birthdays” associating the song with trying to relive a childhood that isn't mine (childhood trauuuumaaaaaa)#that's a big problem I have#deep down I always think someday I'm gonna wake up and I will have been born a few years earlier-#so I can be an “appropriate” age to experience all my favorite media as it releases and interact accordingly#i always think- if that were the case I could have avoided my traumatic years and grown up much happier#don't get me wrong- I'm happy right now- you'd be hard pressed to find me on a day I'm not#but there's some existentialism that comes with wanting to magically wake up a different age- in the past- in a different life#I want to have lived any life but mine#and I just keep waiting for it to feel better again#it never does#crowfish crap#that therian part is definitely coinciding with autism and gender non conformity#when I picture myself I immediately picture my fursona- not a human who (at the moment) appears feminine#i hardly know anything about the subculture itself however#blathering#its true btw don't trust how you feel about your life at night time
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the more i learn about Roman religion, the more right it feels to me
#in class today my prof brought up a picture of a relief of Roma on the projector and i was like wow yeah i love that#and then he showed us statues of Castor and Pollux and told us about their legends etc#and the whole time i'm just like How does everyone now feel how good this is#like it just feels so right and natural and comfortable and familiar to me#love it#roman paganism#roman polytheism#ancient rome#hellenic polytheism#hellenism#pagan#gods#op
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