#pillow highly recommended

[egginfroggin]

Hmmmm.

Yet another meme redraw for you all this fine day

It hasn't been officiated by Nintendo yet, but frankly, I do subscribe to the theory that DMK corrupted Sectonia via the mirror; I also think that Taranza has every right to knock him out cold for it

Tell me, which bin do you think DMK belongs in, recycling or trash?

Also I did the perspective after one in the morning on this, don't mind how skrungled DMK is

Also if anyone knows the meme this is based off of and can give me its name or a link to it, please do so if you wouldn't mind, I couldn't find it and had to do this all from memory

Have a good day, everyone ^^

(Program: Krita; time: about 3 hours [same time half the effort as the last one. huh])

[lady-harrowhark]

Fancy Bath really is one of the best feelings in the world

[gingerbreadmonsters]

it's missing gavin hours so naturally the only solution was to make the infamous marble chiffon cake - final verdict is very delicious, if time consuming, and i can see exactly why gavin likes it 🥳🥳

link to the recipe, plus the conversions i made from cups to grams/ml, and photographic evidence under the cut!

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/marble-chiffon-cake/

preheat to 160°C

for the cake:

7 eggs, separated

60g chocolate

350g sugar (split into 300g and 50g)

60ml hot water

250g plain flour

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking soda/bicarbonate of soda

180ml water

120ml vegetable oil (i only had 50ml, so i substituted the remaining 70ml with olive oil and it turned out fine)

2 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp cream of tartar

for the icing:

110g plain chocolate (i used about half dark and half milk instead, and it still tasted good)

15g butter

105ml double cream

1 tsp vanilla

130g icing sugar (it says 125-180g, but i think any more and the icing would have been too thick)

[beanbagbuddies4life]

You guys should all be so jealous. My beanie babies all live in a permanent pillow fort in my bedroom featuring an oil painting of my girlfriend. And we sit and play games in here all day

[heymacy]

i have a very important question……

what’s your favorite squishmallow??

lizzie!! first off ily and i hope you’re doing well 💛

so i have this little gardener chicken squishmallow and her name is Chickaletta and she is by far my favorite lil squish. my wife actually got her for me when i got out of the hospital last year. when they came to pick me up after my discharge she was sitting in the front seat. it was the sweetest, loveliest thing. i sleep with her every night and i will until she’s flatter than a pancake on a hot summer day ☀️

[fabulouslygaybean]

stuffed animals r wonderful actually

[landinrris]

The way I learned there's a setting on xkit rewritten that hides the posts that get caught in your filters? Bro, life changing my god...

[cowboybrunch]

i read the sentient pillow book and it was exactly as horrific and insane as i thought it would be. and i loved every moment of it

AND i read the sequel. and i was SO entertained. if there's a third book, i will be reading that too, THANK YOU

not everything has to be a masterpiece! sometimes books are just fun nonsense and i'll eat it up every single time

[pearlymel]

A dance— Capitano

Synopsis : your relationship with him grows, and he seems sweeter than ever.

Wc : 3.2k

Warnings : contains NSFW content, fem!reader, reader is mostly called 'wife', he's super sweet, soft sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink kinda, reader wears a dress and heels.

Notes : part 2 is heree! I highly recommend reading part 1 here. And part 3 is out here!

You've tried creating art, you've tried cooking (with the help of your personal maid, Marina), you've even tried planting.

Yeah, you're a plant mom now. Not only that, you're a cat mom too. Saving the poor kitty from the harsh rain one day, you couldn't leave the poor little one outside. It's mother seeming to abandon it.

All because you have become extremely bored on the days where Capitano wouldn't be here, and he forbade you to even clean your shared bedroom because he thinks it's useless when there are servants present to do the job. (He doesn't want to tire you out.)

Come to think of it, the last time you saw him, he kept avoiding you. Whenever you tried striking a conversation during dinner, he would only hum and nod. Or when you suggested to have another picnic, he flatly refused, and it felt like the hardest rejection to your face.

It's like he had his own mood swings that you had to deal with. One day he would indulge you in the activities you wanted to do, then the next he would refuse.

Like last week.

“I used to do this when i was young.” You tell him with the softest smile to yourself, your fingers working carefully with the flower petals and strings. You were determined to make this flower crown, and you were taking your sweet time just to have him by your side.

Capitano silently listened to your words, his gaze fixed on your gentle movements as you delicately fashioned a flower crown. The air between you was calm, "You have a talent for making flower crowns," he eventually responded, his deep voice breaking the tranquil silence.

"Did you learn it from someone?”

“No… just by myself.” He couldn't help but be impressed by your innate ability to create such an intricate accessory without any formal instruction. "Self-taught." He mused, "You have an unusual aptitude for discovering things on your own.”

You hum back while adding the finishing touches, and he watched your proud display of the finished flower crown.

“this is for kitty!” You smile at the thought of the little one purring with a pretty crown on it's head.

Kitty? Capitano is confused once you start talking about the cat, you seem even more excited when you described how you cuddled with it.

"You just happened to come across this crying feline in the rain, and you brought it home with you?”

“yes! Ah, well… i hope you don't mind.”

“i don't.”

And that was the last of your conversation, and it's been a week since you last saw him.

“my lady,” You recognise the voice of Marina as she knocks on the door, and you grant her the permission of her entry.

You set the sleeping kitten on the fluffed up pillow to reach for the letter she hands you.

An invitation to the grand ball… you read the contents of it, scanning every word as you pull the paper down.

“like a party?” you ask, glancing up at her, "Yes, that is correct. A grand ball is taking place tonight. It's a gathering of the higher-ranking Fatui members and a few... select guests.” she trails off, unsure of what else to add on.

“I can see that this invitation is for Capitano, not to me.”

“lord Capitano doesn't normally attend these grand balls. So my lady, you will have to go instead.” Marina explains this and you feel like you're going to have a headache.

All you wanted to do today was sleep in with the kitten. Not to trouble yourself in some party.

But… if it's for the sake of your husband's reputation, then you are willing to do it.

You hope you don't pass away too quick from your social anxiety.

“Marina, does this really suit me?” You stare at your reflection, and Marina looks at you approvingly, her eyes taking in your stunning appearance. "Sì, my lady, it suits you perfectly," she assures you, "The dress brings out your features beautifully and fits your figure perfectly.”

“and the colour?”

"Oh, yes, the color is exquisite. It complements your skin tone perfectly. You look like a princess attending a royal ball.” and you smile shyly as you take your seat, “You flatter me too much, you know?”

Marina chuckles softly, moving behind you to work on your hair with practiced ease. "It's not flattery if it's the truth. You look truly radiant today." She begins to style your hair, weaving intricate braids and pinning them in place with delicate silver pins.

Though you can't even lie to yourself, you looked absolutely gorgeous, even when you felt a little down since you would be going alone, and you barely knew anyone.

Marina pauses in her work for a moment, her expression becoming sympathetic as she sensed your nervousness. “It's natural to feel that way. But I believe you will be fine. You are strong and independent." She resumes styling your hair, her fingers moving nimbly to create elegant curls.

You smile at her, looking at her from the mirror, “thank you.”

"It is my honor to serve you.” As she finishes your hair, she steps back to admire her work, a satisfied expression on her face. "You are ready, my lady.”

You are ready.

You are not ready.

Because why was everyone's eyes piercing bullets through you as you entered the main hall?

The whispers and murmurs start almost immediately, the guests clearly intrigued by your presence. However, you manage to keep your composure, straightening your back and walking forward with confidence, just like how Marina taught you.

Stay calm they won't eat you, you tell yourself, trying to maintain your composure under the weight of their gazes.

You were here to make friends, hopefully.

You scan the room, hoping that someone would approach you to engage in conversation. Yet nobody, not a single soul, seems to have the courage to do so. The guests continue their conversations and dances, seemingly ignoring your presence.

And so, you find yourself standing alone, sipping on a glass of champagne, feeling lost and slightly out of place.

Well this is boring. You could've stayed in with Kitty and Marina, but at least you get free food. They always taste better, right?

Everyone went silent all of a sudden, but you ignored it at first and continue taking sips of your drink.

But the silence becomes uncomfortable, just what happened to the party?

You turn around, your eyes widening immediately in surprise as you see Capitano walking towards you. Your heart seems to skip a beat as you watch him approach, his presence commanding attention and authority in the room. Capitano stops in front of you, you can't make up what his face must be like right now, but you think he has a stoic expression on his face as he takes in your appearance. His eyes roaming up and down your figure, seemingly appreciating the elegance of your dress.

“husband?” You blurt out, setting your glass aside to greet him.

"Wife," he says simply, acknowledging the fact that you have finally addressed him by that term.

The tension breaks when soft, elegant music begins to play, signaling the start of partner dances in the middle of the ballroom.

Capitano seems to realize this as he glances around at the couples already making their way to the dance floor. He then turns back to you, his expression unreadable as he silently contemplates the situation.

He can see the slight tension in your shoulders, the way your hand clutched at your dress.

"I suppose we should dance, wife.”

“you want to dance?”

"Yes," he responds. "It appears it's customary for couples at these events to dance together." He extends his hand in your direction, gesturing for you to take it. You take his hand, wrapping it gently around his gloved one. His fingers close around your hand, his grip gentle yet firm as he leads you towards the dance floor.

You notice the whispers and murmurs among the guests growing louder. But you chose to ignore them.

Capitano guides you to the center of the dance floor and positions himself opposite you, his hand settling onto your waist, and your hands on his shoulders.

"Do you know how to dance?" You whisper to him, making sure no one listens, and your eyes are on him.

"I may not engage in these social events often, but even I understand the basics of dance." His hand on your waist pulls you closer to him, you follow his lead.

Interesting.

He leads the dance with of assurance and grace, his movements fluid and confident. As you follow his lead and swirl together across the dance floor, your eyes meet his, and you find yourself unable to look away. The closeness between you makes it feel as if the rest of the world has faded away, leaving only the two of you dancing together.

You notice how he seems to turn his head slightly to look at others, mimicking their movements swiftly, it makes you smile to yourself.

His hand on your waist feels warm, almost burning even through the fabric of your dress. It's a strange sensation you've never felt when touching him, despite having already kissed (once) before.

”my dress,” you whisper amidst the graceful dance, “what do you think of it?”

You figured you always needed to give him a little push when initiating things.

His attention drift down to take in the sight of your dress once again. His gaze roams over the fabric, lingering on the way it clings to your figure, and how the color contrasts against your skin.

"It's... " he pauses, you're just wearing a dres, but he finds it difficult to describe what he feels, "Very pleasing to the eye.” he manages to continue.

"You look rather well tonight, as well.”

“Thank you, wife.”

The music suddenly shifts to a slower tempo, and Capitano instinctively adjusts his hold on you, pulling you slightly closer as he continues to dance with you.

You totally ignore how your face is almost pressed up against his chest.

As interesting as the party was, the worst part of was walking back to the estate. Why? Because the carriage decided to break down, or maybe the horses were sleepy, you don't know.

You're glad your husband is with you, or else you might've been sacrificed to the dogs at night, now even ants will fear this big guy.

But what's worse? Your damn heels are killing you. The sides of your pinky toes are already aching that you are sure it will cause nasty blisters by tomorrow.

"Perhaps next time you should wear more comfortable shoes." He stated bluntly, his deep voice betraying no pity for your situation. “but they look pretty, plus i feel elegant in them.” you stop at your tracks, looking up at him with a defeated expression.

"I'm well aware." he says dryly, "But at what cost? You're practically torturing yourself with those heels.”

He's half right, your point still stands. Beauty is pain. And now you'll have to sacrifice your beauty.

Bye bye heels. You slide them off your feet, bow having your poor feet to walk on these rocky grounds. You do feel a little better after, though.

“stay still.” He utters, and you're confused, until he takes your heels in one hand before you feel a shift of your weight off your feet, finding yourself being carried into his arms.

you wrapped your arms around his neck silently, your eyes glancing up at him as he continues walking like he you weigh nothing.

The air around you is peaceful. You feel safe with him, he's not like the scary man you hear from the others. Maybe to others he was, but to you? He was soft for you.

Your head leans on his chest where his heart rested, the beats of his heart makes you sleepy, but you refuse to sleep just like this, you want to spend every single second savouring this feeling.

Capitano carried you all the way to the estate, and through the dark corridors, making his way to your shared chambers.

The soft moonlight filtering through the windows was the only source of illumination, the atmosphere around you quiet.

He gently deposited you back on your feet, you're back home safely.

“thank you.” You whisper, your hands reaching to take the pins out of your hair to let your hair breath the scruffy yet beautiful hairstyle, and Capitano starts taking off the heavy layers off him as well, with the helmet out.

You don't notice how one of your dress straps seem to fall off your shoulders, but he notices, and oh did that make something in hin stir.

His steps closer from behind you, his hand reaching to put the strap back in place, but instead, he glances at the other strap.

It looked rather lonely being on your shoulder, his fingers delicately sliding the strap down which makes you ultimately still in your place.

Your entire body trembled slightly as Capitano's hands caressed your skin, tracing gentle paths across your shoulders and back down to the zipper on your side. “May i.. help you out of your dress?” His low, gruff voice, asking for permission to help you out of your dress, made your heart beat faster.

You could only nod in response, your voice silenced by a mixture of anticipation and desire. Capitano's touch was meticulous, his thumb and index delicately moving down the zipper with deliberate slowness, prolonging the tension.

Capitano lets out another low hum as he watches the dress slide down to your ankles, now leaving you only in your undergarments. His hands traced the contour of your body, his touch delicate yet possessive. His own breathing became ragged, the sight of you partially undressed igniting a fire in his eyes.

“Will you allow me to touch you?”

The question makes you turn your head, of course he can.

When you don't stop him from wrapping his arms around you, his chest pressed against your back, he takes it as a green light to continue.

His hand first brushed your hair out of the way, to allow his lips to come in contact with the nape of your neck, “you're so beautiful..." he whispered, his hot breath sending jolts of electricity through your core.

“I don't…” he hesitates, wanting to move his hands away, “i don't want to do anything you don't like.”

And your expression softens at his concern, you turn around to take his face into your hands, your thumbs caressing the apples of his cheeks and he nuzzles into your touch, wrapping a hand around your wrist before pressing a kiss to your palm. You further reassure him by littering his face with your lips, giving every empty space of his skin with at least one kiss.

“Allow me to experience this with you, and i shall take care of you till i take my very last breath.” he hoists you up easily into his arms, rough hand under your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist, he laid you down on the soft sheets, his body covering yours as he looked down at you.

“You occupy my every thought,” he starts, “that it feels sinful to even look at your way.” He leaned down, his lips capturing yours in a searing kiss as his hand continued its exploration, ripping your bra off to cup your breast, feeling your nipple harden under his touch. He rolled it between his fingers, pinching it gently as he deepened the kiss when you gasp, his tongue delving into your mouth, savouring your taste and angelic sounds.

He leaned down afterwards, his mouth latching onto your nipple, sucking it into his mouth and your hands find his ling strands instantly, tugging on them while being careful not to hurt him.

His fingers traced down to your hip, giving them a firm squeeze before ripping your panties off next, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit, feeling you writhe and tense up under him.

It felt like an unknown territory you've yet to explore.

Upon sensing your discomfort, he presses his lips to your eyelids, then to your neck, taking his time until you relaxed, until you started feeling good based off how you were bucking your hips now.

Oh how he wanted to take his time with you, but he was aching so bad that if he continues touching you he might just burst embarrassingly fast in his pants.

“Let me in, my wife.” He gently starts massaging your thighs as he parts them, making you feel more exposed than ever, but he distracts you by softly kissing you again and again while he's unbuckling his pants and pushing them down, revealing his throbbing thick, hard cock.

“Capitano—!” you try to squirm away when you feel his tip push into your tight hole, your lips parting from the way he stretched you open, but at the same time you felt relaxed with his soft whispers of ‘take your time’ and ‘you’re doing well, my wife.’

Your cunt soon takes in every inch, swallowing him whole until you were a panting mess, and you didn't even start.

Capitano then began to move, his thrusts slow and deep at first, letting you get used to his size, to how you feel, to how he feels as he makes love to you for the first time together.

You feel your heart up to your throat and ears, it felt incredible, something you've never felt before, your soft moans echoing in the air along with a few groans coming from him.

He shivered when he felt your fingertips trace the few scars littering his shoulders and back, his dick twitching almost instantly before his thrusts grew faster, more urgent.

His hand reached down, returning back to draw circles around the bundle of nerves, and he could feel your body tense, your walls clenching around his cock as he continued to rub your clit.

“come for your husband,” he breaths heavily next to your ear, and you come undone, your moans filling the room as he felt you milk his cock. He could feel his own release following after, his balls tightening before he slammed into you one last time, spilling thick ropes into your womb, until you were filled to the brim.

Your legs were shaking slightly around him, yet his warm embrace afterwards made you melt, eyelids heavy with him still being buried inside you.

—

You groggily woke up, still half in a dream-like state, the room bathed in shadows due to the closed curtains blocking out the morning sun.

As your senses slowly returned to reality, you heard a soft meow next to you, and sure enough, your little kitten had made itself comfortable in the middle of the bed. To your surprise, Capitano, who was still asleep beside you, didn't seem bothered in the slightest by the creature's presence.

“pst,” you whisper to your husband who only hummed in acknowledgment of your attention. “Can we go have a picnic this early morning? With our baby kitten of course.”

Tags: @sayastyx, @nastylilcvnt, @bigboygoose,

[gurugirl]

Truth or Dare | slumber party!h

Summary: Y/n's coworker, Harry, has never been to a slumber party so she decides to remedy that and give him a sleepover he'll never forget.

A/N: Based off this request. Thanks anon! I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 6,752

Warning: smut

. . .

By her third glass of chardonnay, her stomach was feeling the acid from the wine but she was having such a good time talking to Harry from the operations department that she didn’t care. She’d have another before calling it a night. Just one more glass so she could sit with him a little longer and listen to him talk and watch as he ran his finger along the edge of his pint glass.

He was probably looking at her like he was because he was also three pints of lager in and he was kind so he was holding eye contact to be polite. Certainly, it wasn’t because he found her attractive (though she’d have welcomed that).

The company’s management meeting was long over and everyone else had gone home but Harry and Y/n stayed for another round. They rarely ever got to talk at the office. She’d always wanted to pick his brain about why he decided to move to the US and how, of all companies, he chose to work at Dunn Services.

Y/n laughed on cue as he mentioned something from his childhood with his sister having her friends over to stay the night. He grinned, a healthy row of teeth aimed at her before he looked down and laughed at himself, “In truth? I never did have a sleepover or anything like that.”

“Really? Surely you had friends…”

Harry nodded, “Oh yeah I had a lot of friends. But I never stayed over at anyone’s and they never came over to mine either. Just… I don’t know. Never happened.”

Placing her nearly empty glass down she turned and waved with a smile as the waitress walked by, “Can we get another round, please?”

“How are you getting home?” Harry asked when she faced him, crossing her leg over her knee toward him.

“Taxi. You?”

“Might walk. I’m not far from here.”

Nodding she placed her elbows on the table, “So, I think that you’ve missed out on an integral right of passage, having never had a slumber party. You should definitely remedy that at some point. I highly recommend a fun sleepover. In fact, if you need pointers on what to do during a sleepover, I’m your gal.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your go-to during a slumber party?” Harry teased before taking another sip of his beer.

“Well, I think there are like two main components. The first is entertainment and I’m always keen on a good movie, or a dumb one, either way… a movie for sure if I’m picking. Some people like to play board games or whatever, but I like to stuff myself into a pile of blankets and pillows and just lie, or drape,” she spoke using her arms to demonstrate herself draping into pillows. “Occasionally, if the mood is right, I’ll enjoy a little truth or dare.”

“Got it. A movie and maybe if the mood is right, truth or dare. And what’s the second component.”

Y/n crossed her fingers together and raised her brows as if she were about to say something very important, “Snacks. Beverages. Good ones. Usually just small bites but here’s my list…” She cleared her throat, “Buttered popcorn, and possibly potato chips. Definitely something chocolatey, and maybe something like a cookie or a snack cake. If not potato chips then tortilla chips and if it’s tortilla chips, salsa should also definitely be on the menu.”

Harry held back the laugh in his throat as he nodded, “Wow. Okay. What about like a burger or Chinese food? Would that be allowed?”

Y/n shrugged, “It’s your party. You can do what you want. I’m just telling you what I’d do and what would be a hit with your sleepover buddy.”

Harry breathed out a laugh. Y/n could tell he was getting bashful. She wondered if he was thinking the same thing she was. She watched him for a few seconds before the waitress returned with their drinks.

A quick gulp of wine and she nudged at his shin with her shoe, “You wanna have a slumber party with me?”

Harry blinked and tilted his head, “What? You mean… Seriously?”

She shrugged, “Why not? Then next time someone asks if you’ve ever had a proper slumber party you can say that you have.”

He laughed loudly, his husky voice was like music to her ears. Pointing at her with his finger he grinned, “Now how I can argue with that? I mean,” he shook his head, a glint in his eye, “Every time someone asks me if I’ve been to a slumber party and I tell them I haven’t, it’s such a disappointment! The look on their faces when they realize my whole childhood was a sham…”

They both laughed, leaning in toward one another, tittering toward the edges of their stools.

Harry tilted his head, “Actually I think it sounds fun. You just name the day and I’ll be there.”

Y/n smiled at him. She knew it was crazy. Having a grown man at her place for a slumber party. Typically adults didn’t have those kinds of sleepovers – it was usually with the intent of something far more salacious. But she’d show him a good time, she thought, raising her glass toward his, “Deal.”

.                 .                 .

Y/n had her sofa bed pulled out and piled high with extra blankets and pillows. She had all her favorite snacks plus she ordered cheeseburgers and fries for the guest of the night. It was silly. Truly she hadn’t had a real slumber party in ages, but she couldn’t help but feel a little bit of excitement that she’d be hanging out with Harry all night. It was possible that her small crush on him was making her feel all giddy but she’d push down that feeling until he gave her any extenuating signals.

Because the truth was that they were both single, young adults and this was such an unlikely scenario. No one would look at this and say Oh how cute of these two grown adults hanging out in bed together for a sleepover. So innocent! No, she knew better. While maybe nothing would actually happen it certainly wouldn’t look innocent.

And of course, she did pick out the perfect pijama set. Something a little more flattering on her body but not too hey I really need to get laid tonight. It was a happy compromise. Cotton shorts and a button-up, matching short-sleeved top. This was just supposed to be a slumber party after all.

Right?

Besides, the little paper invitation she gave him on Monday morning told him to arrive in his sleepwear so she had to look the part. And not to toot her own horn but she made a very cute invitation just for him tucked into a pink envelope with a separate little response card that had space at the bottom for him to mark yes or no if he could come. It was a yes. Obviously.

When Harry finally arrived he was wearing a pair of grey sweats and a white t-shirt. And for some fucking bizarre reason he looked so much hotter than he did when he wore his well-fitted suits at work.

Because goddamn did his shirt somehow just hug his torso in all the right spots and it allowed her to take a good look at all tattoos on his arms that were normally hidden under brushed wool jackets or long-sleeved button-up shirts. She knew he had tattoos. She’d seen him roll up his sleeves a couple of times but she never wanted to be rude and stare for long.

And then the sweatpants, while loose in the legs, fit his waist and hips and…

“You okay?” Harry was still standing in the doorway with his backpack draped over his arm waiting to be invited in.

“Yeah, sorry. Not used to seeing you dressed down like this. Almost unrecognizable.”

Harry let out a soft laugh, his eyes crinkling as Y/n stepped aside to let him in, “Would you like to see my ID? Swear I’m the Harry Styles, the guy you invited over for chips, popcorn, and truth or dare. I’ve even got your invite somewhere in my bag…”

She breathed a laugh through her nose and watched him enter into her space, “Movies too. Oh, and I also ordered cheeseburgers. Remembered that you mentioned that.”

He seemed quite pleased with the burgers as she handed him the bag. She got those small ones, five to an order, “Thanks. Fries too, huh?” He reached into the bag and pulled out three crinkle-cut french fries then stuffed them into his mouth.

“So should we settle in and pick out a movie?” She gestured toward her couch.

Harry had seen the pull-out couch with heaps of pillows and blankets when he walked in. He knew that that would be where they’d be spending most of the evening. It was the glaring thing about the whole slumber party slash sleepover. That they’d be probably sleeping next to one another. As two young, healthy, attractive adults.

“Sure,” he nodded and waited for her to pick which side she was going to take before climbing in next to her, the thin mattress and metal frame giving way gently under his weight before he leaned back against a mountain of pillows, bag of burgers safe in his hands.

Y/n had a few video streaming services at the ready and they settled on a cheesy comedy from the late 90s before Y/n reached over to her coffee table and then lined up all the snacks between them.

They chatted a little, having both seen the movie already. Topics were anything from what their plans were for the rest of the weekend to what they’d eaten for lunch at work. And it was only a little awkward when they both reached into the bowl of M&M’s at the same time, fingers brushing together.

Harry moved his hand away, “Sorry. You go…”

Y/n grinned at him, scooping a handful of candy into her palm, and then sat up, adjusting her seating as she crossed her legs together, “Wanna do truth or dare? Pretend like we’re 15 again having a sleepover. Really get into the whole slumber party vibe, ya know?”

Harry dug out a few M&M’s and let out a chesty laugh, “If I’m 15 again we’re in big trouble.”

Y/n snorted a laugh, “Why? What do you mean?”

He shook his head, a wide grin on his face with deep set dimples carved into each cheek as he turned his head to look at her, “If this were happening when I was 15 I’d already be in the bathroom hyperventilating and probably trying to will away a boner after our hands touched in the M&M’s bowl.”

Y/n guffawed and threw her head back, nearly choking on her bite of chocolatey candies as Harry laughed with her. Honestly, it was the best icebreaker she could have asked for. Things had been kind of clunky between them up until that moment as they were still trying to navigate how to act around one another. And she knew he was teasing but the good belly laugh that she got from Harry’s story was exactly what they needed.

“Okay fine. We’ll just keep going about it as adults then. No fifteen-year-olds here tonight,” Y/n chuckled as she shoveled a few kernels of popcorn into her mouth.

Y/n kept her eyes on him as she chewed her mouthful, “So truth or dare?”

Harry cocked his head at her, “So the mood is right then? For truth or dare?”

Y/n’s brows furrowed, “The mood?”

“Yeah. You said it over drinks. Remember when you were telling me what the most important components are to a sleepover and you said you liked truth or dare if the mood was right.”

Nodding slowly, she thought back to what she’d said, “Yeah. I guess I did say that. And I mean… I think the mood’s right for a little truth or dare. Movie’s almost over and you just pretty much kicked us off with that truth.” A breathy laugh was pushed from her mouth.

She could tell Harry was mulling on another question as he bit the inside of his cheek, head tilting in agreement, “So that means it’s your turn. Truth or dare?”

Biting her lip as she pondered, she pressed her back into the soft pillows behind her, “Truth.”

Harry shifted to his side, long legs stretching the length of the mattress as he propped his head up in his hand, a pillow under his arm, “Have you ever kissed a co-worker before?”

Scoffing Y/n moved to her side, mimicking Harry’s position on her side, “No,” she grinned. It was true. She’d never once done anything with any of her coworkers. Having Harry over at her house was the closest she’d ever gotten to doing anything like that. “Now you. Truth or dare?”

His green eyes slid over her features, “Truth.”

She laughed to herself, trying to think of something funny, “How many stuffed animals do you own?”

Licking his lips he nodded, “Think maybe two? Gifts from my niece… Truth or dare?”

“Mmm… dare,” she giggled.

Harry lifted a brow, “Ahhh… feeling bold yeah? Okay… hmm…” He pursed his lips to the side as he considered the dare. “Read to me the last text you sent to anyone. And you have to show me to prove it was the last one. And it can’t be any texts you and me, cause that’s not fair.”

Y/n blinked. She wasn’t exactly sure what her last text was besides Harry. But she was slightly worried because if it was what she was thinking… lifting up her message app she scrolled down to the text thread below Harry’s and it was a text with her sister. Which was what she had been worried about. She gulped, hoping that the things she said about her “coworker” who was coming to stay with her weren’t the last things she and her sister texted about.

Puffing out a breath she covered up all the previous texts to show Harry the last text from her sister – God knows you need it. Sending you good vibes, sis ;)

Harry squinted as he looked at the message and pointed, “That’s to you. The dare was to show me the last text you sent to someone. Let’s see it…”

Feeling her neck heat up she angled the phone away from him and read what she’d sent her sister. And there was no mention of Harry but if he were even halfway decent at picking up clues he might be able to figure out what was being discussed prior.

She shook her head and looked up at him. She couldn’t believe she was about to show him what was on her screen. But a dare was a dare. What was the worst that could happen?

lol I doubt anything will happen but I wouldn’t turn him down. Got condoms just in case 😜 send all your good vibes my way

Harry’s brows squished together as he looked at the text and back to Y/n and then down again at the words on her screen. She saw his throat bob and she knew the look on his face. He fucking knew what that was. He had to know.

She had to look away. She pulled the phone down and killed the screen. The awkwardness between them thick and uncomfortable as she peeked back at him. The edge of his mouth was pulled upward in a smirk, “That’s to your sister?”

Nodding she blew out an exasperated breath, “Your turn. Truth or dare?”

Harry grinned as he positioned his knee closer to Y/n, his eyes still on hers, “Dare.”

Swallowing her embarrassment down the best she could she decided to ask him the same, “Now show me the last text you sent anyone besides me.”

Harry’s smartass grin told her all she needed to know. That his last text probably wasn’t nearly as risqué as hers.

And it wasn’t. Not even close.

You can have two pounds for free. I’ve got so many growing I can’t keep up. As long as you come to pick them up on Monday they’re yours.

“I have a bunch of zucchini growing in my garden,” Harry pulled the phone away and laid it down next to his hip. “Got a neighbor who wants some.”

Of course, his last text to anyone was about zucchini. Jesus, she was so far out of her depth.

He was still wearing that shit-eating grin as he said, “Truth or dare, Y/n?”

And the way he said her name, all slow and sexy-like had her insides heating up. Well, maybe she made up the sexy part but he was definitely teasing her. She could just feel it.

“Truth.”

She was sure she’d regret that. Truth or dare. It didn’t matter. She was still reeling from showing him her texts.

“Was that text about me?” Shit-eating grin in place as he asked. Fucker.

Y/n’s eyes grew wide dropping her mouth open in surprise. Of course, he was going to ask that. Of course!

“Oh come on, Harry…” she pleaded.

He lifted his brows and awarded her a larger grin with those cute indents scoring into his cheeks, “Them’s the rules, baby. You chose truth and now you have to be honest.”

Clearing her throat she sat up to her bottom and leaned forward so she didn’t have to look at him as she put her head in her hands and laughed in disbelief, “Jesus. Seriously?”

“Yep. Spill. Let’s hear it.”

“Okay. Fine. Yes. It was about you.”

Keeping her eyes on her lap she waited for a smug remark. Some kind of teasing reply but it was quiet. Slowly she turned to look back at him and he was still lying on his side, head in his palm as he watched her, his eyes fixed to hers.

She shrugged, “Your turn. Truth or dare?”

Harry flattened his lips and squinted at her before cocking his head, “Hold on… Really? That was about me?”

Sighing she rolled her eyes, “Yes. Sorry. I was… it was just funny… it was me joking around with my sister is all.”

He blinked and looked down at the space between them as he nodded, “Okay. I see. So you didn’t actually mean it?”

“Well… I guess… We were joking. Obviously, nothing has to happen. I would never expect that. I…” she breathed out exasperated.

“Obviously nothing has to happen. Did you want it to happen?” His pupils were pinned to hers again.

Opening her mouth she stopped herself for a moment. She knew her answer was yes but she didn’t want to come off like a creep. She hadn’t expected it and assumed it wouldn’t. But the truth remained; she hoped it would happen.

Deflating her posture she laid back to her side to face Harry, tucking a pillow into her chest, “The truth is that I think you’re attractive and I haven’t been with anyone in kind of a long time and… she knows that, my sister. So we were just… it was lighthearted but yeah I mean… without any expectations, cause I would never… I hope you know that. But I did think it would be nice.”

“Nice. Yeah. I agree. It would be nice. And just so you know,” he swung his head to look over his shoulder before looking back at her, “I brought condoms as well. You know… just in case.”

She was a bit stunned at that. Was he…

“Dare me to kiss you,” he grinned, irises dropping to her lips for a second before looking back into her eyes.

She laughed, “That’s not how the game works. The rules are you can’t–”

“Fuck the rules. Dare me to kiss you.”

Shaking her head with a wide smile stretched across her face she felt like her skin was pricking as her heartbeat picked up. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

Looking back into his eyes she inhaled deeply, “Fine. I dare you to kiss me.”

Harry’s smirk was unreal. The way he dragged his gaze over her face and down to her mouth was almost lewd, “Didn’t need to play truth or dare to get me to kiss you, Y/n,” he scooted in, grabbing the pillow she had tucked into her chest and tossing it away before he drew a hand up to her face, “You just needed to ask.”

She held her breath as he closed in slowly until it was as if all the tension in the room had popped and fizzled when his lips met hers.

He was so soft and gentle. Lips winding easily, carefully at first. And then she parted her lips more, kissing him back and letting her mouth press into his bottom lip before their tongues were meshed.

She moved her knee out to stabilize herself and knocked over the bowl of popcorn between them. Laughing into his mouth she gasped as she parted from him but he only reached for her again, placing his palm at the back of her head to pull her mouth back against his with a grunt from his chest as he pushed the bowl away and drove his arm underneath her side to keep her from getting too far.

Harry was softly moaning as his tongue worked its way into her mouth gently. It was clear he’d wanted to kiss her. That he liked it. And that notion made her head spin combined with the feel of his thumb traveling over her jaw. There was not going to be any stopping the momentum that had begun.

Well, except for when the bowl of M&M’s poured out against her leg. She had to push at him. As much as she would have loved to have kept making out, she would not have been able to enjoy melted chocolate on her legs or the bedsheets tucked around the mattress (think of the scrubbing she’d need to do!).

“Sorry,” she panted and looked down at the smashed pieces of popcorn and the chocolate candies strewn between them, “I’ve gotta pick this up. Our body heat will melt all these and it’s gonna be a big mess.”

Harry grinned, “Why don’t we just move this party to your bed for a little bit? Clean up later? The M&M’s won’t melt if we’re not laying on them.”

She laughed, already feeling overwhelmed and overheated from the kiss and now he was suggesting taking it to her bed? This was really happening, wasn’t it? She nodded and they both moved off the sofa sleeper to their feet, Harry following behind Y/n as she led him to her bedroom.

She already had her bedside lamp on. Bed made perfectly, everything tucked in and neat.

She turned to look at him and he stepped against her, palm splaying at her low back, “I dare you to get onto your bed and take your clothes off.”

A small laugh burst from her chest, “Oh, so now we’re just doing dares?”

He nodded, “Making up our own rules for this game. S’more fun this way.”

Letting go of her he watched as she stepped backward toward her bed and began to unbutton her nightshirt until it was shed from her body before she pushed her shorts down her legs. She was left in a pretty white bralette (something soft for bedtime) that stretched around her breasts and a pair of thin cotton panties that matched. She kneed up onto her bed and let her feet dangle off the edge and pointed, “Now I dare you to take off your clothes.”

He peeled his white t-shirt off, his hair mussing in the process. She watched with her lips parted at the gorgeous man stripping before her. Not only was he built exactly like what she dreamed of (tattoos, beefy, muscular, a touch soft, very masculine) but the boner tenting his sweats was hard not to home in on.

Harry stuck his fingers into the waistband and looked up at her, “M’not wearing any underwear, so be warned…”

She swallowed as the material lowered, belly button, happy trail, a bit of dark hair and then he pulled the stretchy waistband away from his body so his cock could push free and she was already clenching at just the sight as he removed his sweatpants, cock full and heavy between his strong thighs.

Jesus Christ.

Harry stepped forward, nudging himself between her knees and she leaned back to look up at him, “I dare you to take off the rest of this. Since I’m completely naked feels only fair.”

She bit her lip and looked down at his girthy dick. He was clearly not shy of his body, standing there like that, cock right in front of her. But why should he be shy when he looked like that?

Scooting back further into the bed she got up to her knees and pulled the bralette off first, feeling the heat of his gaze on her tits as she then slid her panties down her thighs. She wasn’t nearly as confident as Harry was as she quickly pulled at her top blanket and covered herself with a small laugh.

Harry stepped forward, one knee on the mattress before climbing in next to her, nosing at her cheek softly before his lips were connected to hers again. And she melted into him just like before. His mouth was magic or something because before she realized it, he’d pulled the blankets off her body and he had a big palm sliding up her thigh and over her hip, “Don’t cover up. So pretty. Knew you would be.”

She pushed her fingers into his thick wavey hair and felt her side hit the mattress as Harry pulled at her again, mouth still smeared against hers. He grabbed at her thigh, hitching it over his hip as he tucked in closer and it was warm and she could feel it. Feel him against her hip.

His giant hand smoothed against her bottom and up her spine until he was wrapping his long fingers around the back of her neck. Y/n nudged in closer, driving her hips forward until she was practically straddling him. So Harry took that as his cue to move to his back, taking her hips in his hands so she’d follow with him.

It had caught her off guard, the sudden change in position but her lips never stopped moving with his. Their kisses were wet and she could smell their saliva, and a touch of onion even from the burgers he’d eaten.

He guided her hips down, his thick cock hot under her thigh until she felt her pussy drag against warm skin at the base of his dick. A small gasp escaped her mouth as he pulled her up, letting her pussy glide up his length, “So wet already, Y/n…”

She was. It was embarrassing. Every inch of his shaft her pussy dragged against, coated him, wetted his skin. He kept pushing and pulling at her hips, using her slippery pussy like a soft wet toy he could run up and down his length.

Then she felt his fingers move around to her backside, digits sliding against her pussy as he licked into her mouth.

Gently she rolled against him and when she moved herself further down he pushed a fingertip inside, “Go on. Fuck yourself on my finger a little bit,” he whispered against her mouth.

He was filthy. She had no idea. He’d always been so sweet at work. So polite and respectful. But here he was reaching around her ass to get a finger inside of her cunt as she rubbed her pussy over his cock.

She panted into his mouth as she slid down around his finger, her clit smushed into his dick, slippery as she rolled up and down. But then he began to assist as he added another finger and began to fuck into her pussy, letting his digits curve into her the best he could from his angle. Slushy wet, she stopped moving her hips and parted from the kiss as she looked down at him. She could tell she was gushing all over his palm and probably his dick as she moaned.

“S’that feel good. You’re gettin’ my fingers all wet like it feels good.”

Nodding she gasped, “Yeah. Feels so good…”

Harry rutted up against her, his cock still pressed into her clit, and she panted, eyes still searing into his. She didn’t want to look away. She almost couldn’t believe he was in her bed fingering her like that.

“Your turn to dare me to do something. What do you want, Y/n?”

She moaned and closed her eyes. She was certain of what she wanted as she listened to the way his fingers gushed with each plunge into her.

“Fuck… dare you to… put on a condom.”

She popped her eyes open to peer down at him as he slid his fingers out of her, wiping her arousal on her ass, “They right here?” He moved his hand toward her bedside table, a knuckle tapping at the wood.

Climbing off of him she opened the drawer, “Yeah, a whole box. Hold on…”

Reaching over to pull out the condoms she felt Harry’s hands on her hips as he moved to sit up, then his lips were on her back, dotting warm kisses to her shoulder blades as she finally plucked a condom from the fresh box.

She watched him put the condom on and as expected, it didn’t cover his entire length. He was kind of a big guy. Well, maybe there was no kind of about it. Before today she had no idea he was packing like that. Though he always did come off as very confident and sure of himself.

She bit her lip as she watched him toss the wrapper away and then he kneed up to her, arm sliding to her back and carefully lowering her to the bed before spreading her legs apart as he fit himself there, sturdy thighs pushing against her soft ones.

“Gonna tell your sister her good vibes worked?” He smirked down at her, hands scouring her hips and tummy and then kneading softly at her tits.

Y/n laughed and reached a hand down to his knee before he pulled at her, making her thighs drape over his as he inched in closer.

“Hmm?” He was awfully teasing, she thought, grinning at her waiting for an answer.

“Probably,” she spit out in a laugh.  

Harry gripped at her thighs, lifting her a bit more to fit her bum over his bent knees and she wanted to scream in embarrassment when she realized he was inspecting her sodden vulva. She’d gotten herself all tidied up for him, should anything like this happen, so at least she had that going for her.

He smoothed his thumb through her pussylips, spreading them apart, and softly blew out a breath, “That is very pretty. Think we get him in there?”

She rolled her eyes as she watched him wrap his palm around his base and lay his fat cock over her mons, the condomed-tip reaching to her belly button, maybe further past, “Well, it’s made for it, so I’m pretty sure–”

“What… your pussy’s made to fit around my cock?” A cocky dimpled smirk gave way to a laugh.

“You know what I meant. It’s meant to… like…” she breathed out a laugh.

“Oh, I know… just fucking with you, Y/n.”

He gazed at her as he reared back, painting his cockhead through her labia, up and down, a soft bump into her clit before he repeated, spreading her soft lips apart as he watched the way his crown smeared her arousal between her creases.

When she moaned and wiggled her hips he pointed himself right at her little muscle, nudging softly forward, opening it up for himself. And she felt that first push, the way his tip fit into her, spreading apart and then stretching to accommodate his circumference.

“Oh god…” she breathed as he slipped in halfway and then pulled back.

“Almost there,” he panted as he kept his eyes on where they were connected, pushing and pulling back until she was swallowing him whole, his cock enveloped in her soft, warm pussy.

When he’d buried in whole, he moaned and watched her face twist up in ecstasy. Her lips were dropped open and her neck stretched long as she grasped onto the forearm of the hand he had gripping her waist.

Slowly he began to thrust, viscous liquid seeping from her pussy and sticking to his shaft. It was filthy. She was so wet that every time he bottomed out there was a splat and a plap sounding between them.

She let out a deep moan and her lips curled up, humid breath escaping her mouth as she felt him driving into her guts. He was taking it easy. Languidly fucking into her with wet claps every time he plunged in.

When her cunt was taking him easier and she was dripping down to her ass he moved in a little harder, faster. Angling himself over her, a palm down on the mattress so he could work into her with more gusto.

“Ah! Harry…” she squeaked at the stronger thrusts and clung onto his lats. He was panting, lips parted and pink, a curl falling over his forehead as he plowed into her splooshing pussy.

“Fuck you’re wet. Pussy is gushing, Y/n…”

Her brows pushed together as she gasped, her body knocked upward every time his hips met hers making her tits bounce. Harry didn’t know where to keep his focus. He loved watching his cock disappear into her hole but he kind of liked being right over her so he could see her face crinkle up every time he bottomed out and then her pretty breasts sway up and down. Or maybe he’d like to fuck her from behind, watch her ass jiggle as he pounded into her.

“Mmm… fuck that’s big!”

Harry groaned, “Yeah? Sure know how to sweet talk a man don’t you, pretty? S’hurt?”

She watched his face, a lusty grin, droopy eyelids as he continued muscling his way in deep.

She hissed when he bucked in, as if he was showing off just how deep he could push in and she coughed out, “Mmm… a little!”

Harry was going to lose his mind with her if she kept squeaking out moans and splatting around his cock like she was but he would be a gentleman and pull back a touch. Slowing down a little he sat up and moved his hand between them, smushing his thumb into her clit, which was so sticky wet even that swished and slid under the pad of his digit.

“Yessss…” she breathed out before murmuring on about how good it felt. “Oh fuck, that’s it. Oh god… please don’t stop… Harry, fuck, yes…”

The clit. The magical little nob that worked wonders as long as the man knew where to find it. Clearly, Harry knew right where it was. Knew how to circle over it, pressing against it just right. Knew how to fuck into her as well. Sliding his length through her vaginal walls, spreading her open, and grazing against her gummy little spot on the inside that had her buzzing and liquifying for him.

He watched her whine and squirm under him, loving how she was so into it. God that was an ego boost, “Like that, Y/n? Gonna come for me? Yeah?”

Her ears were already ringing when she lost herself, gripping around him and crying out as her orgasm washed through her tummy. Harry’s cock made her feel so full, so incredibly stuffed to the brim that it weighed her down and she could hardly move as he bulldozed into her, the pad of his thick thumb smushing fast circles over her throbbing nub.

Fucking her through it he gasped at how she spasmed and milked around him, her pussy trying to siphon his come right through his condom. But Harry wouldn’t come just yet. He had something to prove. Wanted to make a show of his prowess and give her something to tell her sister about.

So when she was finally calmed and her pussy wasn’t clamping around him like a vice grip he slid his hand under her head and kissed her gently, speaking low and soft against her lips, “Gonna have you flip over, okay? Just need a little more yeah?”

When he parted from the kiss she blinked up at him, fluttering lashes and out of breath, “You didn’t come?”

He shook his head, pulling himself out, gently before he placed his hands on her hips, “Not yet. I will soon, though. M’right on the edge. Won’t take me long.”

She rolled to her side as he lifted her hips and helped her get to her tummy. She felt his hands on her ass, squeezing and rubbing each meaty globe in his big palms. Then he was straddling her thighs as he spread her gently and she felt him push his thick tip back into her pussy, sharp and hot. It was tighter, felt a lot fuller like that as he began driving in deep and then pulling out to his tip, before plowing back into the hilt.

His moans grew louder and, even he could admit, sounded quite whiny, pathetic. He was shaking as he watched his dick spread her in half, her soft ass jiggling as he smacked into her, skin patting, his cock leaking precum steadily into his condom.

He hissed when it felt too good. His balls squeezing and his fat dick throbbing inside of her. He thrusted forward, landing a palm down next to her shoulder, his chest pressed into her back as he rutted himself in, tucking his cock through her insides and puffed out a hot groan into her ear, “Fuck you feel good. Gonna make me come, baby…”

She moaned and nodded, “Come for me, Harry…”

He might have held out for another thirty seconds, possibly a minute longer but her breathy words, all sultry and pleading had him pumping into his condom in an instant. He gargled on a moan and squeezed his eyes closed as he buried in and stilled his hips, ass flexing so he could push in further if it were possible.

Y/n felt him crushing her back as he collapsed over her, panted breaths in her ear, cock still throbbing in the aftermath of his orgasm.

She didn’t mind it. Liked his weight on her like that. Enjoyed the way he seemed just as fucked out as she was. She could even feel his heart pounding in his chest against her back.

With a moan, she turned her head and nuzzled her face into her blanket with her eyes closed. She’d fall asleep that way if he couldn’t get up. It was quite warm and comforting. Like a weighted blanket draped over her body. And maybe she did doze off for a bit because when she opened her eyes she felt him moving off of her before he crashed down next to her, the springs in her mattress bouncing under him.

Pushing herself to lie on her side she ran a hand over his chest and he turned to look at her, a dopey smile on his flushed face, “So this is what happens at slumber parties, huh? I’ve really missed out all these years.”

She giggled and nodded into her pillow, “Yep. They’re just like big orgies really. Normally there are more than just two people. It’s how I lost my virginity.”

Harry sputtered a laugh, “Really?”

Y/n couldn’t help but to cackle loudly and roll to her back, the biggest grin on her face, “No, silly. I was teasing.”

He slid a hand over her tummy, “So this isn’t what happens at slumber parties, then?” She could hear the cheeky smile in his voice.

She turned her head to look at him, “Well, not usually. But I think we made our own rules for this one today.”

“Yeah? Well, I have to give it to you. You throw a hell of a party. I’m certain this is gonna go down as the best sleepover in history.”

. . .

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[joelscruff]

a kindness you can't afford (joel miller x f!reader) 18+

kofi | a/n this is a sequel to my fic 'to freeze or to thaw', it's mainly just a lot of filth cause that's all my brain can handle at the moment lmao. pls be sure to check the warnings before reading & i hope you enjoy 💕 also shoutout to the incredible @toxicanonymity whose joel/reader/tommy fics inspired me to get tommy involved here. would highly recommend her fics stuffing & sweet little mess for a similar vibe. summary: there are no limits to how or when joel plays with his special girl. rating: 18+ explicit warnings: dark!joel, ddlg dynamics, daddy kink, big unspecified age gap (reader is of legal age), unprotected p in v sex, creampies, free use, somnophilia, cockwarming, squirting, light pussy slapping, size kink (joel's dick is huge), tummy bulge, oral (m receiving), praise kink, dirty talk, pet names (use of 'little one'), finger sucking, exhibitionism, mentions of pregnancy (but no risk), lil bit of tommy x reader teasing 👀(if you don't like tommy x reader then you prob won't like this) word count: 4.1k

He's so kind.

You've never known kindness like this before; never known the soothing whispers and gentle praises, the calming touches, the satisfying taste of homemade soup on your tongue, the comfort of a roaring fire, made just for you. You've never known the warm embrace of a much older man, the strong arms and solid chest, greying hair and sharp scruff, soft belly and thick cock. You'd spent most of your life in a frightening QZ, the past few years in a cold and unforgiving forest, and now - the warm safety of a cabin.

Woken by the gentle caress of two fingers against your forehead, pushing your hair back gently, a kiss to your bare shoulder, the heat of his solid form behind you, and the press of his hot tip to your soft opening. He doesn't ask, but he doesn't need to.

He pushes inside and you hum sleepily, drifting in and out a little as he feeds you the rest of his cock in one slow movement. Your eyes flutter but you keep them closed, nuzzling against the fluff of your pillow as he pulls you in and presses his body to yours, the hair along his torso tickling the sensitive skin of your back as the throbbing tip of his cock kisses that special spot in your tummy. He's so big inside you, taking up so much space in your body that it's mind numbing.

"Go back to sleep," he murmurs, pulling more hair away from your face and trailing his fingers along your cheek soothingly. His big cock twitches inside you, but he doesn't move, stays still as he waits for you to drift back into unconsciousness.

And you do. But not for long.

You're woken what you're sure must only be a few moments later to the feeling of his cock throbbing within the furthest parts of you, pulsing thick spurts of cum deep inside your body as he holds you tight and groans raggedly in your ear. His fingers are suddenly working furiously against your clit, circling and rubbing and pressing and making you cry out sleepily into the dark cabin. With barely any awareness, you feel the hot coil in your lower belly snap - and you're gushing. You feel him tug his cock out of you at just the right moment, just as a steady stream of liquid makes it's way past your freshly fucked hole, and you squeal.

"Shhh, baby," he soothes, but you can hear the smile in his voice as he watches your juices stain the dark wooden floorboards, watches it drip down into the blankets and soak the cotton, "Shh, I know, I know."

You whimper and squeeze your fists together, releasing another stream of liquid as your eyes roll back. An unintelligible string of words slip past your lips, slurred and broken, almost like you're speaking another language. He pulls you in and hushes you again, presses a finger to your lips as you convulse beside him in the bed.

"That's enough now," he murmurs softly, kissing your cheek and still rubbing your clit, pushing for more, "That's enough, little one. Go back to sleep."

He says this to you as if you can even control your sounds, your movements, as if your pussy continuing to gush isn't a result of his own actions, but he already knows this. He enjoys it, likes watching you fight to regain proper consciousness again after you squirt, likes watching you try to stop it from happening. And god, does he love to make it happen.

"Can't, daddy," you mumble, voice thick with sleep and pleasure, brows furrowed as you open your eyes to look down and see where he's still circling, "Can't stop wh-when you rub it like that."

You feel him press a kiss to your ear, watch him pull his fingers back from your pussy and slap them down lightly, then again, then twice more in succession. Another small gush of liquid spurts from your hole after the fourth slap, and he chuckles.

"Sleep," he whispers, slowing his movements, "I'll stop now, promise."

So you do, and he does - not before slipping his wet fingers past your lips for you to gently suck as you drift. You vaguely hear him murmur Daddy's perfect girl before you're lost to the world again.

You dream of him, as you always do.

--

He learned very early on that you could squirt. It wasn't even something you were aware of yourself - how could you be? It's not like you'd had many sexual encounters before this, none of them ever worthwhile anyway, and you'd never had it happen to you on your own either. But it's somehow easy for Joel to make it happen, once he knows he can, so easy that now it's one of his favorite things to do when he plays with you.

The first time, you'd been more than surprised - and very confused. You'd been spread out naked between Joel's clothed legs, back against his chest while four of his thick fingers pumped deep inside of you, thumb tapping your clit. He'd crooked them, curved his fingertips in the slightest way - and suddenly there had been a gush of heat, a heavy stream of release. You'd thought you'd done something else, something that had your cheeks warming and embarrassment flooding through your body as you twitched and cried in his arms. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident.

He'd hushed you softly, kissed your lips tenderly and explained to you what it actually was.

"You're such a good girl," he'd praised, carefully easing your head into his lap and threading his fingers through your hair, eyes peering down at where your legs lay open, pussy still dripping, "Such a good girl with the sweetest little pussy, baby. Squirtin' just for me, just for her daddy, huh?"

You'd closed your eyes and let him hold you, soothe you, relax you. I know, little one. Did such a good job. M'so prouda you. Then he'd unzipped his jeans and fed his heavy cock into your mouth, let you suck on his leaking tip quietly for a few moments before he came down your throat with a long sigh, still stroking your hair. After you'd swallowed every drop, opened your mouth wide and showed him your clean tongue, he'd bundled you up and disappeared from the tent to make you dinner, off to fulfill that never-ending kindness and care he'd promised from the beginning. It had only been about a week since that first night where he'd first come into your tent, and you were already settling into the role of his special girl and doing it quite happily.

He'd made you squirt again later that night, had you shaking in his arms and gushing around his cock and close to tears, not because you were afraid or in pain but because it just felt so good. A relief, a release, a moment of bliss, all because of him. Your pussy had pushed his cock out of you with the pressure of your release, and you'd fallen back against him, sleepy and sated.

"Daddy," you'd whined, overstimulated and exhausted as he'd slipped his dick back inside your dripping heat, "Daddy, m'gonna fall asleep."

"That's okay, baby," he'd whispered, fucking into you slow with no plans of stopping, cock bulging in your trembling belly, "You can go to sleep."

You'd woken again a little later, warm in his arms, globs of cum drooling from your opening. You'd whimpered softly, reached down and touched where you were leaking, and - without even really thinking about it - gathered what he'd left there and pushed it back inside yourself before drifting back to sleep, safe against his chest.

--

The cabin you reside in is only temporary, though you wish you could stay longer. The group came across it in the early hours of yesterday morning, and you've spent most of that time naked in one of its four beds, sleepy and content among the warm sheets. It's been so long since you felt the comfort of a real bed, a soft mattress and thick blankets, and from the moment you passed the threshold Joel was adamant that you spend as much time in it as possible.

He's so kind.

He's been planning something with the others, an upcoming raid, a plan of attack, but you don't pay much attention to those things. When it all goes down, Joel has assured you that you won't be anywhere near the carnage, still safe and warm in the cabin until his return.

"Need you safe, little one," he'd told you softly last night, fingers scratching soothingly across your bare back, "Can't have anythin' happenin' to you." He'd kissed you tenderly, whiskers tickling your lips and making you giggle. "You'll stay here with Tommy, he'll take care o' you."

"Tommy?" you'd asked curiously, unsure which member of the group he was referring to.

"My number two." He'd brushed his nose against yours, touching his index finger to your bottom lip and tugging gently, "Don't worry, baby. I trust him."

"Okay, Daddy."

You can hear his muffled voice now through the door of your room, though you can't make out what he's saying. He's addressing the group, going over plans, but you're sleepy and have been in and out of consciousness for most of the afternoon, lost in the comfort of your warm bed. It's only when you hear someone say the girl, that your ears prick up, brows furrowing as soon as you realize they're talking about you.

Only seconds later there's a light tap on your door and you sit up in bed, gathering the sheets around yourself as it opens. You peer wide eyed at one of the other men of the group, standing there with a hand on his hip and his head tilted charmingly to the side. He's very handsome, dark haired and mustached and from what you've seen, always pretty well put together. You think this one is Tommy, the number two, but you're still not entirely sure.

"Your daddy needs you, sweetheart," he says calmly, though his eyes tell a different story - he looks at you hungrily, like they all do, gaze going glassy and dark. "He asked me to help you get dressed."

"Oh," you whisper, nodding slowly, "Okay." Knowing it's what Joel wants, you let the sheets drop, and now the man you think is Tommy can see that you're completely naked on the bed, exposed and soft. It's nothing new or alarming - Joel has not been discreet when it comes to your relationship, and you're no stranger to the men taking peeks at you, peering inside your tent when Joel's not there, watching the rise and fall of your breasts as you pretend to be asleep.

You watch as this man's eyes fall to your pussy, and you can't explain why it throbs beneath his gaze.

"He just wants you in a dress," he murmurs, leaning down and assessing the few garments folded near the bed that make up your incredibly simple wardrobe; two dresses, two shirts, one pair of jeans. He picks the warmer dress, the blue one with long sleeves, which you greatly appreciate; the cabin may be warm, but it's still the middle of winter.

He approaches the bed with a smile, unfolding the dress.

"Arms up, sweetheart," he says softly, and you obey. You wait for him to help guide your arms and head through but he doesn't, instead opting to stand there for a moment just looking at you. His eyes are glued to your breasts, smile still curving his lips as he reaches out and very gently strokes the side of one with his knuckle. You shiver.

"You're so pretty, honey," he murmurs, trailing his finger up and down slowly, just shy of your nipple, "You know that?"

You nod slowly, eyes hooded and arms still extended, "I- I think so."

His thumb finds your nipple and rubs it gently, bringing it to life under his fingertips. "Your daddy's been takin' real good care of ya, hasn't he?" he asks quietly, circling the hardening nub, "In a lotta ways."

You nod again, aware of a slow trickle of warmth beginning to pool between your legs, and unsure whether what's happening right now is something Joel would want. "Y-yeah."

"Heard him fuckin' you to sleep last night," he breathes, and the words send another throb to your pussy, "He was all up in your guts, wasn't he?" His hand suddenly moves from your breast to your bare tummy, and he palms the soft skin there delicately, "Right here?" You nod again and he smiles.

"You make the prettiest little sounds when you're gettin' fucked like that, babygirl."

His praises send tingles up and down your spine like Joel's do, as well as a blooming warmth to your cheeks. "Thank you," you whisper, unsure what else to say to such a statement.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." As he says it, the fingers on your stomach trail downward a little bit to rest on your mound. He strokes the skin there gently, thumb dipping low to brush against your outer lips. "Soft little pussy," he murmurs, smiling kindly at you again, "You like havin' this all filled up, honey?"

You nod again, still unsure the point of his questioning, of his touches, but also not really wanting him to stop. A quiet whimper slips past your lips when you feel the tip of his thumb lightly brush past your clit and prod very gently against your hole. There's no way he doesn't feel the sudden wetness there, the slow drip of stickiness and the warmth of your arousal, as well the faint remnants of Joel's cum still leaking from where he'd fucked you a few hours ago - he hums quietly, unsurprised.

"Yeah, you like bein' full," he breathes, that dark glint returning to his gaze as his thumb just barely pushes inside, "Y'like bein' used."

It's not a question, but you nod anyway.

He suddenly removes his hand from your pussy and finally helps you with your dress, pulling it down over your arms and shoulders and helping you stand on wobbly legs. With another kind smile, he brings his hand up and gently brushes your cheek.

"So pretty, babygirl" he repeats quietly, "Like a little angel, ain't ya?" He suddenly presses his thumb gently against your mouth, lightly prodding for entrance, and without much thought you allow him to slip it inside; it tastes like your arousal. Eyes sleepy and pussy throbbing, you suck on his thumb obediently, as if it's just second nature to do so.

"Christ," he mutters, watching your lips as you suckle around his thick thumb, "Now that's a good girl."

"Tommy!" Joel's voice from the other room suddenly shouts, and the man who you now know for sure to be Tommy - the man who Joel is planning on leaving you with during the raid - quickly pulls his thumb from your wet mouth.

"Come on, sweetheart," he says, smiling crookedly, "Let's go see what your daddy wants."

--

There are five other men in Joel's group, from what you've gathered, including Tommy. Four of whom currently stand in a half circle in the front room of the cabin, arms crossed, boots tapping, attention directed at Joel who sits in a dusty armchair in the corner of the room. They all turn to look at you when the bedroom door opens, and watch with those familiar glazed expressions as Tommy brings you to their leader.

Joel's serious expression grows soft when he sees you, a small smile gracing his lined face. He peers at you, crooks his fingers. Without needing to be asked, Tommy carefully hoists you up into Joel's lap. His thumbs linger for a moment on your waist, a small stroke so quick you're not sure Joel notices - you're not sure you want him to - and then he's pulling away to stand beside the chair, asserting the role of number two.

It only takes a few seconds for you to realize that Joel's cock is out, hidden beneath the thick cotton of his jacket, out of sight. With no hesitation you wrap your arms around his neck and open your legs, laying your face against his shoulder and sighing contentedly when you feel his tip notch at your wet entrance. Not fully hard yet, he pushes inside carefully, subtly, and you ease yourself down just as quietly to sheathe him inside of you. You close your eyes and nuzzle into the warmth of his coat, already feeling the soft weight of him begin to stiffen.

You've done this before. Sometimes when he's overwhelmed, in over his head, needing to be grounded, he likes to have you sit on it. The first time it happened you weren't sure how to feel, self conscious with the other members of the group staring and knowing that you were full of him, soft whimpers escaping your mouth with every small movement or jostle. It's okay, little one, Joel had whispered, barely audible, you just focus on me.

Now, it's second nature. You can feel their eyes on your back and you know they can tell what's happening beneath Joel's coat. But now you find that you don't really care.

He starts talking then, continues whatever it was he was discussing before you left the bedroom. It becomes white noise almost immediately, your eyelashes fluttering as you bury your face further into his shoulder and focus on the feeling of his thick cock growing large inside of you. You love the way it stretches you, pushes, begins to prod up and against your cervix. It pulses and twitches within your walls and you squeeze down on him tighter, mewling a little without really meaning to.

At your noise you suddenly hear a soft chuckle from directly beside the armchair. You open your eyes halfway, looking up sleepily at Tommy who's still standing to your left. He smiles at you like he did before, a twinkle in his eye, and then winks. He obviously knows what's going on - standing so close, there's no way he didn't see you settle onto Joel's cock.

You peer back at him, blinking your eyes slowly and tightening your arms around Joel's neck. He tilts his head, and you suddenly let a smile turn up the corners of your lips. Look Tommy, you almost want to whisper, he's all up in my guts, like you said. You're not sure why you feel so unbothered under Tommy's gaze, why you don't yearn for him to look away like the others and for him to pretend it's not happening. There's a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't explain, that you don't want to explain.

You stay settled like that on Joel's cock for about fifteen minutes, letting the deep voices of the men around you fade into the background. You close your eyes again but you can still feel Tommy's eyes on you, watching, assessing. Every now and then Joel carefully adjusts you, driving himself a little deeper each time, sending tiny bursts of pleasure throughout your body as your pussy leaks around the intrusion. If Tommy were to lift you up again you know there'd be a dark spot at the front of your dress, a trail of slick on Joel's coat.

One particular adjustment moves the edge of the lining of Joel's coat between your folds, coming to rub against your clit, and without any warning you feel yourself start to come. Your soft cry interrupts the voices of the group, a hush of silence suddenly blanketing the room as you tighten around Joel's cock and gush around him, shaking in his embrace. His arms come up to hold you close, rubbing your back soothingly.

You look up at Tommy again and find that his eyes are hooded as he watches you, lips parted and brow furrowed with what can only be arousal as he watches you fall apart on another man's cock.

"Christ," you hear one of the men murmur, and you feel heat flush your cheeks and ears, the self consciousness returning in full swing as you come down from your orgasm, burying your face in Joel's coat once again.

"Not a fuckin' word, Perry" Joel states, voice firm.

The conversation continues like nothing happened, and you try to let the sudden embarrassment you feel dissipate as much as possible despite still being impaled on Joel's length. You nuzzle against the warmth of his neck, sighing and trying to get your breathing back to normal. Your cunt continues to spasm around him in small twitches, aftershocks, soft whimpers still falling from your lips unconsciously. It doesn't take long for the sounds and sensations to set him off, and there's another lull in the discussion as Joel tenses underneath you and starts to come.

"Oh for fuck's sake," you hear the same voice from before mutter, but his commentary is suddenly lost beneath a soft groan from Joel as his cock twitches inside you. It pulses warmly, thick bursts of cum painting your insides. You gasp softly and squeeze your thighs against his, letting him fill you up in slow and steady spurts, claiming you. Daddy's special girl.

There's a moment of silence, a deep sigh from Joel, and you wait with the rest of the group for him to speak.

"You wanna say that again?" he finally says, voice gruffer this time but stern and serious, as if he didn't just come inside you in front of a room full of his men, "Huh, Perry? You wanna fuckin' say that again?"

Another beat of silence. Then-

"I'm just sayin'," the man named Perry grumbles somewhere behind you, "Aren't you worried you're gonna get her pregnant? I mean, Jesus Christ, Joel, we don't need another fuckin' mouth to feed."

The words send a shockwave through your body, eyes widening.

"And where the fuck do you get off tellin' me what I can and can't do?" Joel asks angrily. His body has gone stiff beneath you but you think you've gone equally as stiff against him, Perry's words suddenly circling over and over again throughout your mind.

Pregnant? Could you be pregnant?

"I don't know if y'all remember," Joel says coldly, "but back in my day there was a little thing called a fuckin' vasectomy. Need me to explain it?"

"Oh, fuck off, Miller."

You suddenly find yourself peering upwards again at Tommy, eyes still wide as Joel and Perry start to have a go at each other. He looks at you once, brows scrunching together when he sees the sudden look of shock in your expression, the confusion, the fear.

"We've all been thinkin' it," Perry is saying, voice slightly shaky in his anger, "It's a valid fuckin' concern."

"Well now it ain't a concern at all," Tommy suddenly jumps in, hands clenching into fists at his sides, "She ain't gettin' pregnant, he's shootin' blanks."

His protectiveness sends another confusing feeling of warmth to that pit in your stomach. Your heart is pounding as you continue to peer up at him, eyes still wide, and he shoots you a soft look of reassurance before turning his attention back to Joel.

"Don't know why you had to have her in the fuckin' first place," Perry spits, "She's just some fuckin' girl. And now we gotta stand around and watch you fuck her all the time? It's fuckin' sick."

Joel stands suddenly, almost like he's forgotten you're sitting in his lap, jostling you to the side as his cock slips out of you. You take a step backwards, finding yourself bumping into Tommy's solid form as Joel zips up his jeans and tilts his head from side to side, bones cracking loudly in the tense room. You can finally see this Perry now, a much younger man with dark hair, standing a few feet away. He's thin, almost gaunt looking.

Joel could kill him so easily if he wanted to.

But he doesn't. Instead, he reaches down and takes your hand, pulls you away from the group and back toward the cabin bedroom. He mutters something under his breath to Tommy in passing, something you can't make out, and as he ushers you inside the room you hear the heavy shuffling of boots as the men are lead back out into the snow.

--

He explains to you what a vasectomy is.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

Wrapped up in warm bedsheets again, you close your eyes and nuzzle against his chest, letting his large form crowd and comfort you, his arms firm around your waist. You can feel his cum starting to drip from you under your dress, making a mess of your thighs.

"I don't like the way he talked to you, daddy," you whisper like it's a secret, voice hushed and muffled against his coat, "I didn't like it at all."

He sighs, pulls you in closer and presses a kiss to the top of your head. "I'll take care of it, little one," he murmurs softly, a sense of finality in his quiet words, "Don't you worry your pretty little head."

He's so kind.

[droolypupboy]

thread of things you can do to feel more puppy!!

warning, this is not for puppy regressors!! this is an nsfw post and probably not safe for u if you regress while online. stay safe, sfw puppies.

anyway. back to content for puppies who r fucking degenerates. i’m a switch & not only do i own a puppy sub but i am also one!! this is applicable for both partnered and solo pups, dw, there’s likely to be something here for everyone.

૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა

◟/づ🦴

🐾 grind on pillows and/or furniture!! pillows are an accessible option for everyone, not everyone has furniture they can feel comfortable doing that on because maybe they don’t live alone or what have you. but pillows are an amazing option for any and all needy puppies.

🐾 snacks can help u feel puppy a lotttt!! while it can be fun to have your partner feed you little treats, you can also absolutely do this on your own. while you’re not in the headspace, set up small little snacks for you to have for when you follow rules or actions you set up for yourself. ppl often underestimate how satisfying solo play can be!! but it can be awesome. good ideas for pup snacks can be small cookies reminiscent of dog treats (scooby snack graham cracker cookies if you’re in the u.s., highly recommend), little cubes of meat and cheese, or dry cereal. it doesn’t have to be those things though, it can be anything broken up into small pieces. be creative!!

🐾 some people enjoy eating or drinking out of dog bowls but for some, that’s inaccessible or maybe just not to their taste. another option can be water bottles with spouts you have to suck on (oral fixation is so so so puppy!!). smaller sized snack bowls also work well for this. anything notably small can help a lot with headspace i find because a large part of puppyspace for many is feeling tiny and :3. if you know you know pfffft.

🐾 here’s a simple one!! have an article of clothing or jewelry you wear only during puppy time :) of course there’s the obvious ones; harnesses, ears, collars. but even just a bracelet or a sweater can work if you only wear it during pupspace and get your brain to associate it.

🐾 if you go into the headspace online (as i’m sure many of you reading do if ur here), you can do certain typing things to help you feel even more puppy. using certain emojis or doing a little :3 or :> it’s pretty common to have your voice change tone and your words get more simple when in a smaller mindset so it can be fun to have your typing also reflect this!! typing out “woof” or “arf” r silly but they r cute and i recommend it, 10/10.

🐾 find something you can safely bite on!! nothing you could choke on or that could hurt you. chewelry is rlly good for this, i’d recommend looking on etsy for some. but you can also just buy a new actual dog toy (fresh, not used, clean it before). puppies need to teethe!! the urge to bite is super common.

🐾 if you have enough privacy, play fetch with yourself. why not?? you can bounce a ball off the walls and even if you’re in a small room where you don’t have far to get to it, you’re still pretty likely to get excitable abt it!! if you’re doing this outside don’t put the toy in your mouth, if you’re indoors you can probably feel more comfortable to do this safely if you’re using something big enough not to choke yourself with.

🐾 ride toys!! it’s hard to do things yourself, riding or suction cupping a toy to a wall so you can just lay down and move ur needy hips against it can be wonderful for puppyspace.

🐾 suck your fingers or your partners fingers!! puppies need our mouths occupied. gently chewing on fingers, probably not enough to hurt (maybe tho, good for you), just enough to feel like you’re gnawing a bit, is SO so so good. this doesn’t even have to be sexual, drifting off to sleep with fingers or a gag (nothing that you could accidentally swallow) in your mouth can help you wake up puppy!! i wouldn’t recommend sleeping with a gag in long term, that’s more for naps or on special occasions. like i mentioned before; oral fixation oral fixation oral fixation!! you should also suck toys and cock 🤍🤍

🐾 wag your hips or kick your feet!! it’s like wagging ur tail :> wiggles can come naturally when in pupspace so embrace them as ur “phantom tail” pfffft

🐾 “puppyparts” “puppycunt” “puppyholes” “puppycock” “puppyanything”🏃🏃

remember, if some of these aren’t applicable to you and how you like to play, you are not any less puppy. these are general, not one size fits all. there are countless different ways to be puppy and i don’t think any two people should be doing it the EXACT same way. we all have our quirks, we all have our individual headspaces.

have fun and play safe, puppies 🐾🦴🎾

[pearl-kite]

I made a pillow!

It took four months of non-stop cross-stitching, but I finally finished a pattern I bought from @8pxl a little bit ago, and tonight in a bizarre burst of productivity I finally sewed a back to it and stuffed it into a cute little pillow! It ended up being pretty much perfectly sized for a neck pillow, but I'm a bit worried about it getting dirty that way.

I highly recommend the patterns from 8xpl's shop, there are SO many gorgeous ones to choose from. I might end up getting another one soon o3o

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron persona chart obs

WARNING: BRIEF MENTIONS OF ED, S*ICIDE, S*XUAL AB*SE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT TO READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE thank you

Stelliums show us where our main trauma or wound lies:

Stellium in Aries/1st house - body image issues/body dysmorphia, hating ones face and wanting to change it at all cost, being so focused on ones trauma that it results in excessive independence

Stellium in Taurus/2nd house - self worth issues, hating ones voice and/or being made fun of for how ones voice sounds, excessive shopping due to fear of having nothing, having stash of cash hidden everywhere in the house due to being scared of getting robbed

Stellium in Gemini/3rd house - being too scared to speak to others, hating the way you express yourself, being an overachiever at school due to fear of being seen as "stupid", fear of being run over by a bicycle or a car

Stellium in Cancer/4rd house - family problems (divorced parents, one of the parents is out of the picture for whatever reason, family members dealing with addictions, family abuse), issues when it comes to comforting yourself in times of crisis, HEAVY abandonment issues

Stellium in Leo/5th house - had to grow up too fast instead of enjoying childhood, fear of not being "the perfect parent", fear of not making it in the industry (for those pursing creative careers or following their passions), issues regarding getting pregnant and delivering a child, fear of being burned by the sun or by fire

Stellium in Virog/6th house - fear of contacting an incurable disease, issues regarding eating disorders, trauma regarding messy spaces, which results in OCD

Stellium in Libra/7th house - issues caused by getting cheated in a relationship, fear of trusting someone in a one-on-one connection, trauma resulted from business affairs which have gone wrong

Stellium in Scoprio/8th house - fear of death, issues caused by sexual trauma/sexual abuse, grooming, stalking, human trafficking, mysterious disappearances, divorce, taxes, loans

Stellium in Sagittarius/9th house - fear of not being able to experience everything one has always wanted, issues caused by not living to ones full potential, fear of travelling too far away, religious trauma

Stellium in Capricorn/10th house - fear of being forgotten and not standing out, issues regarding not looking & acting in a professional manner when needed, fear of not being promoted in ones career, the trauma is very visible to the public

Stellium in Aquarius/11th house - fear of not fitting in a crowd or a friend group, issues regarding being part of LGBTQ+ or a subculture often dismissed (POC, people with disabilities, orphanage kids, emos), trauma related to the country's government and (possible) implications in war, fear of dying in a natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, volcano), fear of dying by electrocution or in an airplane crash

Stellium in Pisces/12th house - fear of being admitted to a prison, asylum or nursing home, having frequent thoughts of unaliving onself, fear of drowning, fear of what happens after death, fear of being misunderstood or made fun of for hearing voices and seeing things which aren't real

Moon shows us how we process our trauma and wounds:

Moon in Aries/1st house : screams, throws things around (maybe also breaks a few things), if anyone reminds them of their wounds/traumas, they'd literally break that person's neck; they might recklessly drive, play with fire or drink excessively out of anger

Moon in Taurus/2nd house : resorts to retail therapy, cooks their favourite meals, gets some comfy pillow and blankets and watches their favourite show; they're slow to heal their wounds, but they manage to do so

Moon in Gemini/3rd house : overanalyzes what happened to the point that they've thought of every scenario possible, (if they have more than one wound/trauma) switches between wounds, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with siblings and acquaintances

Moon in Cancer/4th house : cries 24/7, acts distant with people who are not close to them and defensive with those who want to talk about their feelings; they tend to have very, very unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka they resort to self-harm)

Moon in Leo/5th house : transforms their pain & wounds into a form of art - whether it's through dancing, painting, singing, acting, photography, videography; sometimes they might not recognize how much their past affects them, especially around others, they boast about how "it wasn't that bad" even though they're clearly affected by what happened

Moon in Virgo/6th house : focuses on the details, what they could have done better and what they didn't, easily becomes anxious, cleaning the house becomes a form of therapy for them; in case of physical wounds, they document themselves very well (sometimes they are even able to heal themselves, since this Moon sign in Chiron persona chart has a sort of 6th sense about medicinal procedures)

Moon in Libra/7th house : their s/o knows every pain, wound and traumas they've ever experienced, analyzes the past in a logical manner and tries to find a healthy coping mechanism, without hurting anyone else in the process; listens to sad, romantic songs

Moon in Scorpio/8th house : if someone else is guilty for their wounds/traumas, they're going to plot revenge and execute their plan in a discreet manner; often jealous, they might pursue fwb connections to stop thinking about their pain; the ones who manage to deal with their past in a healthy manner become a completely different person in the process

Moon in Sagittarius/9th house : dealing with their wounds/traumas opens a new world for them, they end up adopting a new set of beliefs as a coping mechanism, travelling to another country to get some space from their surroundings helps them heal

Moon in Capricorn/10th house : replays the past over and over again, they numb their emotions, if asked about their wounds/traumas, they answer very stoic; they also tend to be more realistic and don't like to tell themselves lies or hear lies about their trauma

Moon in Aquarius/11th house : resorts to technology to cope with the pain, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with their friends or on social media, but not with family; they might try some unusual coping mechanisms

Moon in Pisces/12th house : they isolate themselves from everyone in order to cope with the pain, meditation and breathing techniques are their to-go methods of calming their anxiety down; if they don't manage to cope in a healthy way, they dissociate and go through a depersonalization process or an addiction takes over them (drinking, smoking, they overuse medication etc.)

Jupiter shows us where we're blessed, but fail to see. The stronger the modality, the more obvious it is to other people.

♃ Jupiter in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) and/or fixed houses (2nd house, 5th house, 8th house, 11th house) are extremely blessed and everyone is able to notice, but the native.

♃ Jupiter in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) and/or cardinal houses (1st house, 4th house, 7th house, 11th house) are blessed, but only a specific category of people notice it.

♃ Jupiter in mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) and/or mutable houses (3rd house, 6th house, 9th house, 12th house) are still blessed, but the effect is hardly noticeable to anyone.

Those with:

Grand Trine/Kite/Yod (Finger of God)

Sun, Jupiter, North Node and ruler of the chart conjuncting MC and/or placed in 10th/11th house (minimum 2 placements)

Stellium in 10th house/11th house

-> have got amazing healing abilites and often end up pursuing careers where they help & heal society (usually as doctors, therapists, spiritual advisors, social workers, advocates who actually make a difference, etc.) They usually become famous for their healing gifts.

Other small considerations:

Ascendant shows us how we are perceived at first glance when we are dealing with pain

IC shows us how we are perceived by our family (or in a safe, secluded place) when we are dealing with pain

DSC shows us how we are perceived by our partner or best friend when we are dealing with pain

MC shows us how we are perceived in public (or in our career) when we are dealing with pain

North Node shows us our salvation (where we need to focus on in order to heal)

🕊 Sun trine Moon & Sun sextile Moon individuals have an easier time healing their traumas and wounds

🕊 Sun opposite Saturn & Sun square Saturn individuals feel the need to rebel from their father/grandparents, norms that have been imposed on them, old customs & traditions, institutions/government, in order to heal themselves

[cripple-woe]

Back to post again. Please reblog this if you’re like. Disabled and do, might, are planning to ever have sex. Or just for educational reasons reblog it.

It’s time for:

DISABLED SEX EDUCATION.

So! Let’s get right into it.

We all know that we have a right to know and understand our bodies and how we can have safe, consenting, and pleasant sex. Most schools don’t teach disabled inclusive sex education!

Part One: Sex Toys

By and large, a bafflingly inaccessible market. But still, here’s what you can do.

For limited mobility and dexterity with hands and the like, larger controllers and wireless controllers for toys are good to look into.

If you have movement disorders, a toy that doesn’t need to be moved to stimulate can be helpful.

Also, a pretty universal one is a nice sexy vibrating pillow that you hump. It’s not talked about often because most abled people don’t want that toy when there are more penetrative or intense toys out there, but for cripples like us, it can be very helpful to know it exists, and it’s a good toy.

Part Two: Partner Communication

Whether this partner is your lifetime lover or just a one-night-stand, you need to be communicating properly about your needs and limits, just like abled people, but MORE. Communicate a safe word for if you feel in too much pain, communicate how your disabilities may affect sex with this partner if they aren’t aware, and communicate on the type and level of aftercare you may need. I know for a fact that I would need my partner to take me into the bathroom to pee after sex because I can’t do it of my own accord after that (also, speaking of, PEE AFTER SEX.)

No matter how small it is, communicate. “I’d be more comfortable if I had some pillows under my stomach/back/hips in this position.” “Can we switch positions, this is slightly painful on my hips/back/shoulders.” “I don’t like being pinned like this, because it’s a position I can’t escape from when I want to/it’s causing pressure on my joints/whatever else.”

Partner communication is a big deal with disabled sex and requires a decent level of trust. I also highly recommend that if you have access, being frank with your carers and occupational therapists for instance, will help you a lot with asking for advice in a safe way.

Part Three: Positioning

Ooh, sexy pose time!

From what I can find, these seem to be the most widely accessible poses for sex.

Modified Missionary.

The limited mobility partner sits on the edge of the bed, the other partner stands facing them, and then can lift their partners legs up so their ankles are on their shoulders. If the standing partner is too tall for this to be comfortable, you can place a chair behind them and have the sitting partner put their ankles there (add a blanket over the back of the chair for comfort on their ankles!)

This position is best used when only one person has a mobility issue. It’s also good for if one or both partners are obese, or if a partner is pregnant.

Facing position.

Aka: face to face. Person one sits in a chair, on the edge of the bed, or even in their wheelchair with arm rests removed if your chair can do that and you want to bang in your chair. Their partner sits on their lap and straddles them. Partner on top braces their feet on a solid surface to be able to move their hips and thrust, and the bottom partner can help by grabbing their partner by the backside and lifting/bouncing.

This position is good for two partners with limited mobility, and people who suffer with fatigue.

Intimate Sitting.

Basically the same as above but both partners are fully on the bed. The partner near the headboard can benefit from being held up with pillows, and then they stretch out their legs. The other partner straddles them, feet on the bed, and bends their knees to lower them down.

This is another position for a limited mobility and unlimited mobility couple, especially those looking for face to face intimacy.

Sexy Spooning.

Get into a spooning cuddle position and get freaky.

This is great for people with lower back pain, chronic pain, and arthritis.

Modified Doggystyle Chair.

Limited mobility person sits in a chair or wheelchair near the edge of the bed, their partner sits in their lap and leans forward to brace themselves on the edge of the bed with their upper body and arms.

Great for hip pain sufferers and of course those with mobility issues, though be aware that the person on the edge of the bed is taking more physical exertion.

Modified Doggystyle Bed.

Or the floor, if that’s more comfortable. Put some pillows on the bed/floor to support the bottom partner, and then the top partner drapes over them chest to back.

If you require more stability as the bottom partner this is for you.

69 Flipped.

One person laid on their side in the spooning position, and the other lays facing them in the same way, but with their head at the opposite end.

This is good for arthritis, or people who have weak hips or hips prone to muscle spasms. Also, unlike media might have you believe, 69 doesn’t have to be oral-oral. You can use toys, your hands, whatever, as long as you and your partner are having fun.

Final notes.

Don’t be afraid to explore each others bodies. Touch, massage, stroke each other and see how you feel. Places like necks, inner thighs, ears and sides can all be turn-on zones due to their extra sensitivity. Just… explore. Don’t try to take it too seriously either, sex is sexy, sure, but it’s also funny and sometimes you make a weird noise (verbally or otherwise!) and you can’t keep fucking for all the giggles you’re having.

Have fun, do it safely, remember that sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener, and PEE AFTER SEX FOR GODS SAKE.

[hannieween]

spotlight | lights out series

In the aftermath of that night when everything changed, Joshua has to pick up the pieces of his own doing.

✮ pairings: joshua hong x female reader x yoon jeonghan ✮ genre: angst, fluff, smut (18+) ✮ aus: rock singer joshua, boyfriend joshua, theatre director jeonghan, best friend jeonghan ✮ word count: 16.9k

› 🎧: am pm – jay b ft. whee in | lover – b.i | switch it up – jay b | lights out – sunmi ft. be'o | planet girl – jooyoung, pH-1 | skyline – i.m | closer to you – jung kook ♡

→ season one – navi post – read more

› smut warnings under the cut

✮ warnings: descriptions of food, food and alcohol consumption, smut with plot, joshua is toxic and kind of manipulative, multiple sex scenes, sub joshua, dom reader, oral sex (m), unprotected sex, body worshipping, creampies, morning sex, slight exhibitionism, a bit of cuddle fucking, cowgirl, bondage, sensory deprivation, overstimming, edging. pet names: bunny, baby, beautiful (hers) baby, baby boy, handsome (joshua's)

✮ author's note: this story takes up after the city lights series. i highly recommend you check that fic out before diving into this one if you haven't already... or you might be a little bit confused.

✮ disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂.

part i

You clawed at the bedsheets wrapping your body.

Sweat covered your neck as your fingers clenched around the soft fabric of the creamy white bed sheets you were writhing under. You sank the side of your face on the pillow below you, muffling out a short moan.

The side of your body was comfortably lying on your mattress, softly creaking as Joshua moved behind you under the bed sheets, keeping a steady pace on the push and pull he had commenced not two minutes ago.

Your boyfriend was breathing hard on the crook of your neck, moaning softly every time he pushed inside your walls, the front of his body cuddling your back, keeping one of his large hands flat on your tummy to keep you in place for him to fuck you slowly.

One of the things Joshua discovered about himself is that he loved morning sex. In his past relationships, he didn't think too much about it. Granted, he was never big on vanilla sex.

But something about waking up next to you, wholly naked under the bed sheets, your face being the first thing he sees, your soft humming the first thing he hears.

The first few times he woke up next to you as soon as he moved into your apartment, right after he finished touring and recording an album, you were the first one to wake up. And those times you usually left the bed before he woke up, only for him to catch up with you making breakfast.

But now that he had grown familiar with your routine and you with his, he was the one who was waking up before you did.

And Joshua Hong swore he could fall in love twice over.

Somehow he learned to wake up silently, so he wouldn't wake you up in the process, knowing how much of a light-sleeper you were.

Sometimes he would just lie there with his eyes closed, either cuddling you or just lying by your side.

Something would brighten up inside him every time you would unconsciously search for him, either turning over the bedsheets to cuddle him up, lacing your leg with his. Or whenever you were already snuggling him, you would just bump the tip of your nose against him.

It was as if, in your dreams, you would reach out to him, to make him hold you as if you were in your own world, resting peacefully.

But this morning he was just so bundled up in your warmth and in your love that he just couldn't resist himself.

Joshua had to wake you up with kisses on your shoulder to let you know of his intentions, and to his surprise, you immediately caught on, arching your back for him to have easy access to your warm walls.

So there he was, madly in love, drunk on you, pushing your body as he breathed hard on the curve of your neck, getting glimpses of you holding onto the bed sheets every time he blinked dazedly.

"Baby," Joshua half moaned, half sighed as he closed his eyes. "I love you."

The sound those words elicited from you, made him smile, turning his head to litter kisses on your cheek, and down your neck.

"I love you, Josh," you replied, sounding as if trapped in a trance, so dreamy, breathily moaning out his name.

"Yeah?" he sighed. "Are you gonna come with me?" he asked, hearing your increasingly louder moans.

"No, no, not yet," you replied, your fist leaving a bundle of sheets, diving under the bed sheets to meet his hip, holding onto him. "Please, it feels so good.."

"Okay, okay," he whispered hurriedly. "Fuck," he gasped softly, slipping out of your sopping walls by pulling his hips backward.

"Joshua!" you gasped, turning your head to see him, squeezing his eyelids shut in focus.

"Sorry baby," he sighed with a smile, opening one eye first to see your obfuscated face.

"It's okay," you smiled sweetly when you understood that he was close to his climax.

"Turn over for me," he rasped, nodding his head to the pillows.

Joshua experienced something unusual to him, like a lightning bolt piercing his chest when you smiled at him giddily before turning face down on the pillows, knowing what he wanted to do.

The love he felt for you was so intense it could literally cause him pain.

But he got to his knees on the bed, not letting you wait for him any longer, he moved on top of you, each of his knees at the sides of your hips as you instinctively lifted your ass up for him, uncovering your wet pussy for him.

Joshua smiled when something in his mind reminisced on the days you were getting a feel of each other, just two total strangers giving themselves into carnal desire.

And now, he couldn't imagine a life without you.

He brought down a hand on one of your buttcheeks, not hard, but just about enough to get a squeal out of you, followed by a sweet laugh from your part that sent a blissful shudder through his body.

You looked over your shoulder, propping your weight on your elbows to watch him with an excited glint in your eyes. Without more pause, he just grabbed his wet cock, driving it inside you in one go.

It was nearly electric, the feeling of being inside your engulfing warmth, the fluttering, the wetness, you, you, you.

You dropped your face flush into the pillows to muffle a raw cry of pleasure. This position made it so that his cock teased a particular sweet spot in your walls that instantly had you wailing like a mad woman.

"Joshua..." you sighed against the pillows.

His head lolled back slightly, giving himself into the blissful pleasure and desperation to feel you whole, to make you feel good, to hear your voice call out his name in raw cries.

So he just started moving his hips back and forth, pumping his cock inside your warm walls, moaning at just how wet you were.

"Joshua, Joshua..." you continued as he fucked you deeper, the back and forth of his hips made the bed frame creak and budge against the wall of the bedroom, quite evidently telling the new neighbors that it was another one of those mornings.

"I know, baby," he sighed back, grabbing you by the hips to keep your ass up and cunt angled for him, watching his front hit your plump cheeks, the recoil, the dents his fingers were creating as his hands held you steady for him to fuck.

"Oh, god," you rasped loudly against the pillow, your hands balling into fists on the pillowcase. "Oh god, Joshua..."

"Are you close, bunny?" he called in a gasp, groaning in frustration as you shook your head on the pillow.

"Harder," you sighed, lifting your head to cast a look over your shoulder, your eyebrows knitting in a plea as you added. "Please, fuck me harder, Josh."

"We'll get another noise complaint," he grinned, reading the dilemma that set in your furrowed brow.

Joshua couldn't care less about the new neighbors. As soon as they moved in two weeks ago, he knew they would be a problem. When you were notified about the noise complaint, Joshua just knew it was them.

"Hmn?" he changed the pace of the back and forth of his hips on you, fucking you with shallow thrusts. It was not as deep as you preferred, but still good.

You groaned in frustration and buried your face on the pillow again.

"Baby, give me an answer," he laughed heartily. He knew he could continue fucking you slowly just to tease you.

But he was also aching to come.

"Do it," you breathed, nodding with your head before casting another look. "Please, baby, I'm gonna be quick, just, please, I want it harder..."

Joshua smiled at your resolve before commencing to plow on you, retreating his hips and thrusting forward with a hard and fast pace, his front slapping against your ass, causing the recoil to be more prominent, making him moan at the sight.

But your moans, oh, they were the cause for the noise complaints, he was sure. It wasn't the bed frame hammering against the wall, or the loud creaking of the mattress, or even his own moans.

You were wailing now, crying out his name in bliss and pleasure pleading him to never stop, to keep going, to go harder.

And he was just too complacent to not let you have what you want.

"I'm coming, Josh, c-coming!" you cried out, gripping the pillowcase, turning your head so he could see your pretty cum face of your eyebrows knitting, your mouth falling open.

"Fuck," he sighed, his fingers digging into your skin to focus in not changing his pace for his own pleasure, he kept plowing on you as you came undone on his cock, your whiny moans flooding the room paired with the banging on the wall from the other side.

"Josh..." you sighed as you slumped down on the pillow.

"I'm there, oh fuck, baby..." he moaned, ignoring the urgent thumping on the wall. He threw back his head, a long, moany exhale coming out of him as he spilled himself inside you finally, his hands grabbing your hips to fuck you into him languidly until he spilled the last drop of his cum in you.

You were breathing out sweet moans as he stopped thrusting in and out of you slowly and sloppily, hearing the banging on the wall with a sly grin on his face, being accentuated when you groan in utter embarrassment against the pillow.

Joshua sighed in complete joy and adoration when you sneaked a look over your arm, laughing in excitement and shame, partly enjoying the loud exhibition of your love at very early hours in the morning.

"Good morning, baby," he sighed, a small groan spilling along.

"Morning, Josh," you replied cutely.

"Hungry?" he breathed with a lazy grin on his face.

"Umn, yeah," you replied aloofly, sinking into your pillow again to enjoy the gentle aftershocks of your orgasm.

He also needed a minute to catch his breath and for his brain to come down to reality and gather up that the neighbors might take an issue with them again.

But he couldn't care less.

You, on the other hand, were mortified.

"Should we... go talk to them?" you asked with a tiny voice, lying motionless below his body.

"And tell them what?" Joshua sighed a smile, running his hands from your lower back upwards, caressing your skin lovingly.

"That we're sorry!" you gasped, but there was a small giggle that quivered in your tone.

"Sorry about what?!" Joshua protested with a faux scandalized tone. "Sorry that we have a good sex life and they don't?"

"Maybe not that, but, sorry that we're loud might work," you retorted.

"I wasn't loud, you were," Joshua teased.

"Josh!" you sent him a glare. "We both were."

"Fine, fine," Joshua conceded with a breathy chuckle. "I could get soundproof padding for the walls and something for the bed frame so it doesn't bang on the wall," he offered, taking your worry seriously.

"Isn't that going overboard?" you inquired with honest curiosity.

"Yes... but also no," he pondered. "I think it would work, and stop the complaints."

"Mmff," you sighed and turned your face flush against the pillows again.

"Come on, baby," he muttered as he pulled his hips back, thus slipping out of your wet walls.

"Just give me a minute," you mumbled on the pillows.

"I'll be waiting for you in the shower," he slapped your ass teasingly one more time and laughed when your squeal was muffled in the pillow.

Joshua had no issue settling in your apartment. When he got back from touring and from all of the appointments he had outstate, you had already made space for him. And he had spent so many nights there that it already felt like home.

But he was convinced that the homely feeling came from your company.

He was just stepping below the shower head when he felt your arms wrapping around his waist, hugging him from behind. You pressed your cheek on his back.

"Hi baby," he sighed, not caring that it was about two minutes ago that he had said just that.

"Is it my turn to make breakfast?" you muttered, pressing small kisses on his back, between his shoulder blades before reaching out with one arm to get the bottle of shampoo.

"Would you like to get breakfast somewhere?" he asked you as he finished rinsing out the shampoo from his golden brown hair. "We could go to that place you like with the banana pancakes..."

"I mean you gotta let me make breakfast one day," you giggled sweetly as you busied your hands on your hair, your fingers massaging shampoo into your scalp made Joshua turn and pay attention to you.

He had been doing that lately. He paid attention to things you do for yourself, no matter how simple or how meaningful they were. He knew that you had changed the color of the polish in your nails, you trimmed your hair and added some new touches here and there.

But also, you also have gotten into some new habits. Such as trying to fix your sleep, you go to the gym more frequently, not as an on and off thing anymore, you go out with your friends more, and the biggest thing he has noticed, is that you did all of this to hide the sadness you actually felt.

It had been weeks since you last talked with Jeonghan. An event that you weren't to talk about with Joshua yet, but he could see that whatever happened, left you pretty bad.

Joshua knew already that he needed to give you time. And he promised you he would be patient if that was what you needed. He didn't need to know what had happened that time you talked, in truth, he ached to hold you, to make you happy again by whatever means necessary.

"We could also go to the book shop afterwards," Joshua offered with a hollow tone, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible but he knew that you were avoiding going out today.

"Okay, that's how I know you're up to something, Mr. Hong," you smiled as you tilted your head to raise your hair.

"I just want to pamper you, Ms. Hong," he joked, but his tone dropped as he uttered those last two words. "Take you on as many dates as possible."

"Mmn, then you got a date, mister," you replied with a playful grin, sliding your arms on his shoulders and locking your wrists behind his neck. "But you gotta let me make breakfast someday, you know. I'm not a bad cook."

Joshua chuckled, but your lips muffled his laugh as he tried to get back at you. "I know, baby. Just let me take you out today."

"Maybe you're just getting away with doing the dishes," you said with a lower and velvety tone.

He was struck with so much adoration for you when he noticed that you were flirting with him. The corners of your eyes were smiling, and the glint in your eye told him that you were feeling the same too.

"You got me," he whispered, dipping his head to meet your lips.

"Mmn, you little deviant," you muttered sultrily, smiling in his lips.

He felt a hand cup his chin as your tongue touched his lower lip. "Look who's talking," he replied when your other hand roamed all over his body, feeling his lean chest first, sliding down to feel the toned muscle of his abdomen.

"I learned from the best," you replied, circling your hands to his back.

Joshua laughed breathily into your mouth.

You clapped your hands giddily as the plate was set in front of you. There sat a fluffy banana pancake, decorated with berries and honey.

Joshua sat just across your seat on the small round table, he was pretending to type something but in reality he was snapping a photo of you looking at your meal.

The first bite made you sway your body in tiny motions, like a little dance with your fists bundled up at your sides as you chewed on your food merrily.

And he watched you in complete delight. Setting his phone down on the table to take a bite from his own plate. "Good?" he muttered as you took another generous bite with near maddening joy.

Food made you happy, in the month he had been living with you he had learned more and more about your favorite foods and general eating habits. So he knew that sugary breakfasts were accompanied with coffee.

You set your mug and licked your lips. "Amazing," you sighed, resuming to eat more banana pancakes.

"Mm," he nodded with a small pleased smile on his face. "Oh, my mom asked about you," he suddenly remembered.

You almost choked on your mouthful. "Huh?!" you uttered as your round cheeks from the food gave you a comical expression. "W-what? Why? When?"

"I think it was... yesterday actually," he mentioned, thoroughly enjoying your reaction. "I told her we could meet one day for dinner or lunch soon."

You swallowed your bite with a bewildered look in your eyes. "Oh, of course why not," you nodded. "I could cook something, I can make a mean lasagna."

A twist in his stomach in pure fondness made him pause when you took on a proud look for yourself. "Oh yeah?" he teased: "Why haven't I tried your lasagna?"

"Because," you elongated the word. "You, mister, keep me out of the kitchen nearly everyday. You don't let me cook for you."

"That's not true," he retorted with a smirk. "It's not everyday."

"I'm not complaining though," you muttered as you pointed at him with your fork.

"I know you aren't," he chuckled.

"Mmm," you hummed as you took another sip of coffee. "Tell mom she's invited to dinner at our place next friday."

"Will do," he smiled, from both your assertiveness and the cuteness you exhibited suddenly.

"Thanks for breakfast, Josh," you muttered, linking your arm with his, your hand grabbing on his bicep comfortably as you both walked on the sidewalk.

"Don't mention it, beautiful," he smiled at you.

Your eyes were marveling at the sight of the cherry blossoms flanking the street you both walked. The grip of your hand on his bicep shifted and tightened, directing a smile at him as you teased him a bit, using the bulge of his arm as a stress ball.

"You're bulkier," you grinned.

"You've mentioned it," he replied in kind.

"I like it," you said and tilted your head to the side so your temple touched his shoulder briefly.

"All for you, baby."

The giggle that spilled from you echoed in his mind. Joshua slipped into what he felt was something that felt like a daze as you aloofly started to hum a tune that you were improvising on the spot. You did that, he noticed, you hummed a beautiful tune happily for two or three seconds and started it again.

Joshua grabbed your hand from his bicep and laced his fingers with yours to then kiss your knuckles one by one, slowly as you both walked down the street.

The sunlight slipped through the branches of the cherry blossom trees, shining in against your beautiful hair, making your cheeks grow hot and when you looked back at him, you smiled, noticing that he was lost in thought.

"Do you want to make a stop at the book shop?" he nodded his head to the small bookshop on the corner of the street.

You pondered for a second, but Joshua knew what your answer would be from the way you were pouting cutely.

"Maybe an hour," you decided.

Joshua pushed the door open for you. "That's what you said last time."

"But last time they had new titles," you countered and giggled shamefully. "Okay, maybe two hours."

"Take as long as you need, baby," he muttered, letting go of your grasp as you were swiftly taken away by the new shiny covers on display.

Joshua gravitated towards you in the maze of shelves, acting as if he were just as interested in the books surrounding you. But he was more raptured by you, by the wonder in your eyes as you picked up book by book to read the covers, to open them up carefully and peer inside.

He just stuck around you, picking up books to just settle them back to their place without even so much as reading one word. You skirted around the shelves, while he just wavered in the distance.

That was until his eyes caught sight of your pen name on a book. Rows of a glossy cover under a sign that said best seller sat the book that was partly responsible for him being there.

Almost as if the book had a magnetic pull on him, he brought one copy from the shelf. Joshua only recognized the book by the title and obviously your pen name, but he realized that he hadn't really paid attention to the work on the illustrated cover.

He remembers seeing it at some point, but almost beat himself up for not paying more attention to it. The cover was pretty, totally eye-catching, but he knew the contents were much, much more impressive.

Joshua read the final manuscript, he also had to read all of your annotations. But it was the first time in a month after the release that he actually held a copy of your book.

He felt dumb for a second. How didn't he get a copy before?

You were submerged in a different book, rows of shelves and far away from him, swaying your body gently to the soft music playing on the speakers overhead.

The first page of your book started with a dedication. Joshua first saw his name written in it, and his stomach dropped.

To Joshua, my favorite plot twist, my endless inspiration. I love you.

Cursing to himself, he slowly closed his eyes. There was no excuse for missing something like this. Not work, not whatever it was that bothered him. This was important to you, your greatest achievement so far, and you dedicated it to him.

And he is just finding it out. A month later.

He thought of something to say to you, an apology, anything.

But at that moment, his phone buzzed in the pocket of his jacket. Pulling it out he saw flashes of a series of notifications from his new management team.

With a resigned sigh, he opened the messages to read that Midnight Haze had secured a bunch of dates for upcoming concerts the weekend after their first self titled album release.

It was huge for him, but it was instantly overshadowed by the thought of leaving you behind again for several weeks at a time. He had been enjoying his quiet life with you so far, and it amazed him how much it bothered him that his career success was not as important to him anymore.

The problem was not that he would leave you alone. Joshua still had trouble with the thought of you hiding away in your study for weeks, being lonely while he goes away and lives the life of a rockstar.

But what bothered him the most was that he was about to leave you when you were going through something that he knew was taking away your sleep, something that had broken your heart.

Joshua knew that Jeonghan had stopped talking to you some weeks ago. After the night of the threesome, and he very evidently showed how he felt about you, you tried to reach him, to talk about it. But he just said he needed time.

Time went by, and you got sadder. Sometimes he heard you in the middle of the night, crying alone. He would ask you about it but you just said you were alright, you said you also needed time. So Joshua gave you that.

But Joshua could not shake the feeling that he was responsible for it all. Deep down he knew that this mess was caused by everyone involved. Still, he was the one that suggested Jeonghan to get closer to you, to be friends. He was the one that left you for weeks and eventually stopped talking as frequently.

What will happen now when he leaves? He knew he would only carry that guilt with him.

Sometimes he missed when he was just a singer in an independent band that had some shows at local bars every now and then. If that were still the case, he would not have to leave you behind.

"Would you like an autograph, sir?" your cute voice snapped him out of his mental turmoil.

Lifting his head up, he found you standing in front of him, unbeknownst to the messages showing on his phone screen sitting on the palm of his hand. You were looking at the copy of your book in his other hand.

"Allow me to buy the copy first, miss," he replied.

"Oh, no don't do that," you muttered, immediately dropping your act. "I was just joking, you don't have to buy it."

"Why don't you like to have copies of your books at home?" he inquired with genuine curiosity.

You shrugged slowly, fingers tracing shapeless doodles over the spine of a book you picked up. "I like to keep my space separate from my work," you smiled shamefully, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it's silly, but I like to pretend that the writer and I are different people."

Joshua tilted his head to one side. "That is a bit more confusing," he chuckled softly.

"Well, that's because you're famous, you like the public acclamation, the fame," you disputed, snatching the book from his hand and placing it back to where he initially found it. "And I don't."

"I'm not famous," he immediately battled, with a shy smile painting his ears red. "And I don't like fame either."

"Yeah right," you quipped with a grin. "I'd beg to differ."

He stretched an arm and grabbed the copy of your book again. "I'm taking this if you don't mind," he said with a faux serious expression. "And I'm getting that autograph."

"What, no, Josh," you pronounced his name with a giggle. "Don't buy it, we have the manuscript at home."

"You can't sign the manuscript," he rolled his eyes and laughed when you tried to grab the book from him but he just kept it in the air and out of your reach.

"What do you want a signed copy for?" you sent him a glare that only made him laugh harder.

"This one has a pretty cover," he shrugged and turned away from you and started walking to the counter to pay.

"Josh!" you gasped and fell into step behind him.

"I expect my autograph," he said, pulling out his phone to pay.

The cashier sent you a look and then to Joshua, who just dismissively smiled, his nose wrinkling a bit in the process. He could see from the corner of his eye how you just sighed in resignation.

"Bunny," Joshua said as he followed you out of the book shop.

"Yes?" you lifted your eyes to lock with his.

"I... thank you for the book dedication," he muttered, grabbing your hand to lace your fingers with his. "I really appreciate it, baby."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Josh," you giggled sweetly. "That's me literally saying thanks for being there, for helping me."

Joshua paid attention to the way you emphasized that word, paired with the shy smile on your face as your gaze dropped to the ground. What you meant by helping, though, was having sex.

"Do you need help with book two?" he grinned.

"Oh my god, Josh," you muttered, teary eyed in embarrassment.

"I can totally help," he teased some more. "Everyday, if you let me. Anything you want to try baby, I'm game."

"You are helping, Josh," you turned to look over your shoulder and deciding no one was listening to your conversation you added: "You are a very diligent source of inspiration."

"You think, baby?" he pressed, holding the door to the building open for you.

You nodded eagerly in affirmation to his question.

"I take my job seriously," he quipped with a laugh. "Anything to help."

After the day-long date, you came back home feeling exhausted, but ready to get some hours of work before heading to bed. Committed was the relationship you had to your writing, a thing you tried to do at least an hour a day.

So Joshua decided to spend the remainder of the day sitting in the living room area. Guitar sitting in his lap, phone ready to record, he tried to emulate the tune he heard you hum, the tune he replayed the whole evening in his head.

Before he knew it, he had recorded a good chunk of melody. He replayed it once, deciding it was good material he sent it right over to Jihoon, presenting it as something they can work on for a ballad.

Content with his day's productivity, he decided to call it a day, being that it was already nightfall and he felt rightfully sleepy.

So he made his way to the place he knew he would find you, happily buried in work. Pushing the door open he found you working on your desk, eyes glued to one of your monitors, typing fast on the keyboard.

He saw that you were wearing your headphones so he went unnoticed completely. Suppressing a small smile, he walked closer to you, being careful as to not startle you as he had done several times in the past.

"Baby," he whispered as he placed his hands on your shoulders, leaning down to press a kiss on your cheek once you slid a hand on top of his.

"Mmn?" you removed your headphones. "What's that?"

"I'm heading to bed," he whispered before pressing another kiss on your cheek. "Wait for you there?"

"Yeah, sure," you turned your head to plant a kiss on his lips. "I'll be there in five."

"If you take longer, I'll come for you," he said, eliciting a chuckle from you.

"That sounds fun," you whispered, pressing your lips against his smirk.

He kissed you one more time before backing away from you and getting ready for bed. His routine was short, consisting of rinsing his face, brushing his teeth and undressing himself.

When he was already lying in the bed, he heard you come in exactly five minutes later, which made Joshua turn his head to look at you curiously.

Noticing that he was still awake and with his gaze trained on you, you began to undress, reaching out for your sleeping clothes in the drawer. You had taken to using one of his t-shirts, which was a few sizes too big for you.

Turning off the bedside lamp, you climbed up the high bed, crawling to the space you had assigned for yourself, but as you slipped beneath the sheets, you immediately attached to his side.

Joshua chuckled softly, wrapping one arm around you as you snuggled to him, fitting your face on the curve of his neck.

"You didn't take long," he pointed, thinking of the times you worked past midnight.

"I'll continue tomorrow," you sighed a yawn. "I want to cuddle with you, is that okay?"

"Of course, baby," he whispered, bringing his other arm to hug you snuggly. "Always."

"Thank you for today, Josh," you muttered sweetly, your hand had started to rub shapeless figures on his chest. "I enjoyed every moment of it."

"You don't have to thank me, bunny," he replied sleepily. "I want to give you more days like this. For the rest of your life if you let me."

That made you giggle in joy. "Be ready to hear me thank you every single day, then."

"Why?"

"Because you make me happy," you muttered, your voice had turned into a tiny coo.

"You make me happy too, baby," he turned his head on the pillow to look at you. "That's the point, right?"

"Mmn, yeah but I want to say thanks anyway," you laughed, realizing how stupid the argument was.

But Joshua smiled, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "I love you," he muttered, caressing your arm with his hand. "I just want to make you happy."

"I love you too," you whispered, sighing a hum. "Let's make each other happy, then."

Joshua was unsure as to how he fell asleep, or how long after he drifted into a peaceful dream. He woke up to distant noises of water boiling, a sizzling sound and then the clinking of metal against ceramic glass.

The bed was cold on your side, when he outstretched his arm he found it empty. Instantly, he knew it was one of those restless nights. Even if you were trying to fix your sleeping habits, you still suffered some insomniac nights.

He waited for some minutes, and then got out of bed, fishing out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that he had discarded earlier and left on top of the armchair in the room and put them on.

You were sitting on the couch by the window. He noticed that you had drawn the blinds to get the lighting from the restless city outside.

You didn't notice him right away, so he also could tell that you were crying as your teary eyes panned to the hall and found him.

His heart dropped. "You're okay, bunny?" he asked wearily.

Sitting down on the couch beside you, he kept some distance from you, giving you space in case that was you needed.

"Yeah, I'm okay," you smiled, pressing your lips together.

He nodded slowly, averting his gaze to his lap. "Do you want to talk about it?" he offered, holding in his breath.

This would probably be the time, he thought. He wished you would finally air out your troubles with him. It was the third time he had woken up to your cries, he silently counted. And he suspected that you were hiding from him to let your feelings out, suspected you weren't sharing your feelings with him to avoid more conflict.

"I'm just thinking, Josh," you said with a dismissive tone. "Everything's okay."

You took three big gulps from the tea that you drink to help you sleep. Grimacing at the taste you put it back to the coffee table and shifted on the couch closer to Joshua until your bodies touched.

"What do you think about?" he asked gently, the weariness coating his tone was still there.

A long sigh made your chest rise and fall, more tears kept rolling down your cheeks and you shook your head, signaling your reluctance to talk about it.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No, I..." you choked on your words and before he could move, you took his hand. "I'm just being a bit emotional. That's it."

"You can trust me," he whispered, raising his eyes to find your grief stricken face.

"I know," you replied in kind. "I know, Josh."

You picked up your tears with the pad of your thumb, sniffing quietly as you seemed to calm yourself down. But you wouldn't make eye contact with him, your hand held his tightly, but it seemed that you weren't opening up just yet.

"Baby..." he whispered, following your eyes. "I want you to talk to me. I'm waiting for you night and day to open up but you just won't. Do you think that I don't know what you've been going through?"

Your eyebrows pinched together in confusion but they quickly went lax, coming to a realization that he knew. All along he silently bore witness to your pain and your mourning to your friendship with Jeonghan.

"I've heard you cry before too," he confessed, a painful jab making him shudder. "I know you told me to give you space but you don't have to. I think that you will feel better when you talk to Jeonghan and whatever you decide to do... I'm ready."

"What are you saying?" you croaked, sniffing loudly and bringing up a hand to wipe your tears.

"I'm... saying that if you–," a strangled sound interrupted him, and he had to pause to gather his thoughts, drawing a big gulp of air as he sighed the next words: "Whatever you need to do when you talk to him, I'm ready... to take it."

"What?!" you gasped with a bewilderment that almost made you stop your tears. "You're not taking anything, Joshua. Who do you think I am?"

"I'm just saying, whatever you feel like you have to do, I'll understand…. I just want you to be happy again," his eyes inevitably rolling upward, trying to resist the angry tears stinging his eyes.

"Have you lost your mind, Joshua?" you asked, watching him nearly vibrate in what you assume was a very undesirable remorse.

"I think so, yes," he said slowly, now looking at you. "It kills me to wake up and hear you crying in the middle of the night. I hate that you pretend to be alright instead of trusting me with what's hurting you."

"What hurts me hurts you," you said in a weak tone, crossing your arms over your chest in what he recognized as a mechanism to hold yourself together.

"Is that why you won't open up to me? Because you don't want to hurt me?"

You slowly nodded with your head, biting your lip to make it stop quivering, though it was futile.

"I just want you to trust me," Joshua whispered, and your eyes widened when his tone faltered. "It's the only thing I care about."

"Joshua, I..." you started, but you were at a loss of words.

"We can't keep doing this to each other," he whispered, shuddering under the stress of finally being vulnerable with you. "I want to help you but you need to let me in."

"I don't want this to affect us," you replied with an air of surrender, it was quite evident that it was too late for that.

At that, he knew he had nothing to say. He had caused all this, no matter how much he wanted you to open up, he was being a hypocrite. His attempt to make you trust him with this fell completely disingenuous since he was also keeping things from you.

He shifted on his seat, opening his arms to you. "Come here," he whispered and you promptly crawled wight into his embrace, crying freely on his shoulder. "I just don't want you to go through this on your own, baby," he said shakily, swallowing his own guilt-ridden tears. "But if it's what you want I get it. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," you replied in a tiny voice.

"No, don't be," he muttered. "I know this is hard for you... this is hard for me too, but it shouldn't have to be, baby. We are together to lift each other up, aren't we? No matter what tries to bring us down."

Joshua could feel your fingers clinging onto his shoulders, your face pressed flush against his chest as you sobbed and cried hard, harder than he had heard you ever.

"All I'm trying to say is... trust that I won't walk away from you. Not because of this, not ever," Joshua gulped, a hand finding the back of your head to hug you tightly. "I love you and I trust you."

"I love you too... and I trust you, Joshua," you replied with a hoarse tone from crying. "But, how can I tell you about this? I don't know how I would feel the roles were reversed. If you told me you felt something for someone else... I don't know how I'd react."

Joshua had been over this scenario on his head multiple times. "It's different," he said with an air of decisiveness. "I don't think this is as straightforward, baby."

You felt him press his lips on the crown of your head for a long minute.

"But more importantly... you can tell me anything, baby," he muttered, closing his eyes slowly as he sighed. "Even if it's about Jeonghan."

There was a pause, between him waiting for your answer patiently and you gathering your thoughts. This was definitely not something you had expected from your boyfriend. Granted, he had been extremely reasonable about your feelings for Jeonghan.

"I just want him to know that I'm sorry," you sobbed quietly, holding onto his shirt.

Joshua felt the small wet patches on his chest from your tears, he held you tighter against his body, when the painful jab of remorse returned.

"Have you tried talking to him?" he pried with a fear pulsing in his throat.

"Last time I tried he told me he's not ready," you replied and your tone weakened. "He stopped replying to my texts two weeks ago."

His arms wrapped your body tighter. "I'm sorry, bunny," he replied with honesty.

But a part of him burned with rage. He wasn't in the least bit pleased that Jeonghan had feelings for you, but on top of that he hated that he was making you suffer. Joshua understood that Jeonghan needed time to think, since this was a very complicated situation they were all embroidered in.

Still, he hated to see you cry.

"Maybe I can talk to him," he offered softly, resting his cheek on the crown of your head, his arms still cradling your body.

In all this time, Jeonghan and Joshua had not spoken, nor crossed paths. The reason why in reality was that Joshua had nothing to say. And if he thought of something to say, he wouldn't mean it.

In part, he felt betrayed by his best friend. Even if all of this was partly his doing, he started all of this. But still, there was a nagging feeling in him that no matter what he did, he couldn't shake it off.

"Maybe I can call him, ask him to hear you out. Would you like that baby?" he asked, now moving his head to see your face.

You mumbled something that resembled an affirmation. But you had already drifted into a slumber, losing the fight against the powerful sleeping tea that you didn't even finish drinking.

He certainly didn't take that to be an actual affirmation on your part. But he thought he might as well try. Because he had to at least try to fix something from this mess.

Joshua held you until he was certain you were completely asleep. Subconsciously, he started humming that song again as he memorized again the features of your face with the pads of his fingers, grazing your skin ever so gently that you never felt a thing.

He loved you. He ached at the thought of losing you all for his stupidity, for his blind jealousy.

Slowly, he leaned so he could rest his forehead on the crown of your head. I'm sorry, he pleaded silently, I love you.

Cradling you in his arms, he stood up from the couch, carrying you straight to bed where the covers were already drawn so he just easily laid you down, tucking you in.

He asked himself if he was even worthy of being your lover. Holding you like this, sleeping next to you after a day of showing you how much he loved you, he wondered if his love would amount to something enough for you. Mistakes and all.

The Spot was as busy as any thursday.

It had been a while since Joshua's last visit. He had some memories of being wasted, to the point that he fell asleep on the barstool he was sitting at, his head propped in the lacquered red bartop.

It seemed funny to him that Jeonghan was sitting in the same place now.

His fingers were toying with the neck of the empty bottle of beer, his head leaned forwards, eyes out of focus.

Joshua silently sat beside his best friend, drawing his attention to him with a dreary look. "Hey."

"Hi," Joshua replied with an empty smile.

"How did you know I was here?" Jeonghan asked, but his hollow tone implied that he knew, but just wanted to confirm his suspicions.

"I had someone on the lookout for you tell me," he informed, Jeonghan nodded and signaled to the person behind the bar with just two fingers.

"Thank you Mingoo," Jeonghan said, the hollow tone persisting.

Jeonghan had ordered two bottles of beer one for Joshua and one for himself, which upon arriving he took a sip of his own, directing a cold look at Joshua.

"I know why you're here."

Joshua took a deep breath through his nose, looking straight in front of him and he felt his own eyes fall out of focus as his mind began to reel.

"Tell me why I'm here," Joshua muttered, trying not to roll his eyes.

Jeonghan frowned, for the first time in the whole interaction he showed a sign of some shred of emotion. The confused look told Joshua that his best friend might have expected a confrontation like this, but maybe he was not ready yet.

"You want to talk about that night," Jeonghan muttered slowly, the frown still painting small lines between his eyebrows. "But there's nothing to talk about. I am sorry about... everything."

Jeonghan averted his gaze in front of him and took another generous gulp of beer. Joshua knew what he meant by everything, about violating his trust, about letting his feelings for you grow. Or at least, that was how Jeonghan saw it.

Jeonghan still wore one of your scrunchies around his wrist. Joshua closed his eyes as the flashing feeling of remorse coursed through him.

"You're wrong."

His best friend paused as he was about to lift the bottle from the surface of the bar. Slowly, the black haired man turned in the barstool to face Joshua, tilting his head to one side ever so slightly.

"Tell me how I'm wrong," he retorted.

"I'm not here to talk about that night," Joshua began to explain, taking another gulp of beer to gain some very much needed courage. "Nor do I want you to apologize for anything."

Jeonghan pursed his lips into a pout, almost as though he wanted to ask a big, "What?" but refrained from doing so.

"I..." Joshua started, sending a look to the dim lamps on the ceiling, he took another deep breath but it felt like no matter how many times he did that, the restless beating of his heart wouldn't let him free. "I need you to talk to her, Jeonghan... I need you two to talk."

Jeonghan froze, the only part of his body that moved was the pair of brown eyes, scanning Joshua's face over and over again.

"Why?"

The question was uttered slowly and pointedly. Almost as if Jeonghan were avoiding falling into a trap into the deeper parts of this conversation that both men were avoiding to have for nearly a month.

"Because you both need it," Joshua said but he immediately wanted to retract himself, shaking his head once. "She needs it, Jeonghan."

Joshua exhaled hoarsely, feeling that if he didn't hit pause he would soon suffer a mental breakdown. It was driving him crazy, it was burning what peace he had left to ashes.

Some nights had passed since Joshua saw you crying in the living room. You were reluctant to talk about that night again, and the memory of you crying refused to leave his mind. It was robbing him of sleep, of peace. He needed to do something.

There was a general understanding that Jeonghan saw right away. In more than three weeks of not speaking to each other, Jeonghan knew his best friend would not be asking that unless it was completely serious.

But he couldn't bring himself to say yes. By now, he was confused as to how much Joshua knew about what happened that night. Did you tell him about the conversation that led him to this moment? Is Joshua sitting here asking him to reach out to you, his own girlfriend without knowing how Jeonghan felt about you?

If he did know about it all, this was a very strange request to ask the guy that very evidently had feelings for you.

But if Joshua did not know...

"I need to know why," Jeonghan insisted, making Joshua dart a look his way swiftly.

"I told you why."

That much told his best friend that he was bluffing, making Jeonghan huff. "You're not here just because you want us to talk," he grimaced slightly, now toying with the bottle in his hand. "There's more. There's always more with you."

Joshua sighed, letting his eyes close briefly. "I'm leaving in a few weeks," Joshua admitted, licking his lips in an irked way.

"Ah, there it is," Jeonghan nodded with realization, and then he sighed too. "I can't keep doing this, Joshua."

The uneasy feeling invading his chest made him breathe near erratical. It hurt him to know that he caused all of this, and now the two most important people in his life were hurting too.

"I don't care," Joshua said with an annoyed hint in his tone, casting a glance at him. There he saw the guilt in his best friend's eyes too and his heart twisted even more before he blurted: "Just this once, and I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

That definitely awoke an intrigue in him. "Does your girlfriend know you're here?" he inquired, pinning without much effort something that Joshua decided to omit.

"No and I'd like to keep it that way," he replied pointedly, setting the bottle down with a harsh thump. "Please. For now."

The two men exchanged a long glance that told years of knowing each other so deeply, they had learned to communicate without words. Jeonghan saw the desperation, the guilt and remorse in Joshua's eyes.

"Okay," his best friend replied, but the intrigue and the confusion didn't subside. "I will. I'll talk to her."

"Thank you," he muttered quietly, averting his gaze elsewhere. "I'm sorry about all of this too, Jeonghan. I know you didn't want any of it but if you love her, you'll listen to what she has to say."

Jeonghan froze. Slowly processing what he just heard, he waited for Joshua's next bluff, he waited for something to tell him that he might have misheard but before he could even protest, lie, or negate it, Joshua was already leaving his seat.

"So you do know."

"Please," he said, pulling out his wallet and drawing out a bill which he placed beneath his empty beer bottle. "I know you better than anyone else. Trust me, I know."

Completely thrown off, Jeonghan watched his best friend walk out of the bar, thus leaving him with much to think and no clear sign as to where to begin.

The ride back home was quiet. Joshua remained deep in thought for the whole half an hour, silently thanking that it was about nine o'clock and traffic was busy. He needed the extra minutes to think as to what he was doing, how he would confront you.

Ever since that night, Joshua had encountered a dilemma. He knew that you had feelings over Jeonghan, and that to some degree, it was mutual. He saw the hurt in your eyes afterwards, the inwardly quietness of your mourning of a friendship with him.

And now, he saw the same in Jeonghan. He saw the morose pain of losing you, of not being able to reach you. Something Joshua himself knew too well.

But what killed him was that this was somehow a result of his own choices. He asked Jeonghan to get closer to you, he left you for a month, it was a recipe for disaster.

And it wasn't that he didn't trust you, he did. And he trusts his best friend as well.

Even though he hated himself for all of this, he couldn't help but live in the memory of that night. It made him sick that, even if he had double intentions, he enjoyed it by far more than he had originally thought.

He felt sticky.

But he constantly thought of that night, he vexedly thought of how much he enjoyed watching you and Jeonghan having sex in front of him. It was like he saw a different version of you, and for some reason he could not pinpoint, he loved it.

It was fucked up, he knew that. He didn't know if he would ever confess that to you. But he suspected you knew it already, because he didn't make an attempt to hide it. Joshua liked the way the three of you moved seamlessly, almost as if... it were meant to be.

He felt torn.

Torn between hating himself and thinking of that night. Hating himself for playing with his best friend's feelings and for lying to you. Torn with jealousy because his best friend had feelings for you, but every time he thought of that night, he grew hard at the memory of you fucking Jeonghan.

As soon as Joshua crossed the door, he knew that you were working in your studio. All of the lights were out, leaving the apartment in a somber quietness that was only interrupted by the echoing traffic noise outside.

The curtains were drawn, so the living room was dimly illuminated by the city lights. Joshua discarded his shoes by the entrance before making his way to turn on the lamp on the corner of the room and then went looking for you.

Gently, he pushed the door to your studio, finding the only source of light being your double monitors. You didn't budge, partly because your noise cancellation headphones kept you from knowing Joshua had arrived home.

Joshua leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms as he watched briefly you typing away, every now and then you bobbed your head to what he presumed was the song you were listening to.

He didn't want to pry, because he suspected that times when you were deep into your writing session, you wanted to be left alone. Sometimes, when you were not as busy, he would crash on the small couch next to your desk.

Those times, he would lie idly scrolling on his phone or playing his acoustic guitar. But inevitably, he would fall into a distraction. Just as he was now, lost in the imagination of a life with you, the cherishing of the moments he can get like this.

Before he has to go away again.

Something made you stop typing and you pushed the keyboard in as a sign of termination. A few clicks and then you reluctantly turn your head, as though you already knew he was standing there.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hover," he smiled softly at you.

You grabbed your headset and pulled your head back out of it. "You're back!" you sighed in a pleased surprise. "Hi handsome."

A surge of tenderness and warmth washed over him, suddenly being overcome with the need to melt into you.

"Hi beautiful," he replied, his voice sounding a little hoarse.

He crossed the distance between the door to your study to your armchair and before you could get to your feet, he was already leaning down, grabbing your chin with two fingers to kiss you. It was a brief, tender kiss that ended with a small smacking sound and a hum from you.

"Someone's in a mood," you noticed right away with a tiny smile. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's okay," he whispered before diving again into your soft lips, capturing them with a low hum from his part now, trying to wordlessly let you know that he needed you.

"Okay," you replied in a mere whisper, taken away by the urgency to which your lips were being hugged by his now.

"Are you done with that?" he asked, his voice raspy to what he assumed was the need, the love and adoration he felt for you flooding inside him.

"No, not yet," you replied with a playful grin. "Why?"

Joshua thought of the way you elongated that question, the taunting velvety tone you gave to it. "Because I was thinking of you on my way back," he mumbled, still littering kisses on your lips, moving to one of your cheeks as he kept speaking. "I remembered that I owe you a massage."

"Well then get on with it," you let out a small chuckle that sounded sweet to him, though it was playful. "You don't need to be all over me to do it, Mr. Hong."

That made him laugh in both awe and lack of words.

So he just simply scooped you up off your chair. He initially crouched a little, securing your body with his hands as you wordlessly understood what he intended to do and reached out to wrap your legs around his waist.

Not without some struggle due to the darkness, he searched his way to the bedroom, where Joshua quite literally threw you to the bed, sighing with amusement as he heard you squeak when you landed on the mattress.

You looked at him up and down, a glint of excitement in your eyes.

But Joshua found it hard to move for a moment. The way that you looked at him made him freeze, he found the love and carnal need in your eyes and he almost had to slap himself.

The pause was brief but you noticed. "Come here," you muttered sweetly, reaching out a hand to him.

Joshua climbed on the high bed, placing each of his hands at your sides, his body hovering on top of yours as he slowly propped his knees and elbows to pin your body down with his.

"How was your thing with the boys?" you asked as he planted a tender kiss on the apple of your cheek. "I actually thought you'd be gone for longer."

A sharp pain tugged at his insides. You didn't know he had gone out to meet Jeonghan, and he felt bad for lying to you. He felt bad at how easily he could craft a story to deceive you.

"It was fine," he whispered, taking advantage of the position of his face, so you couldn't see his eyes, probably translating the restlessness he felt inside.

"Did you guys have fun?" you asked and he knew you were just trying to make normal conversation.

"Yeah, you know them," he sighed, trying to make his voice sound at ease. "They're pretty chill."

You shuddered slightly when his breath caressed a sensitive spot on your neck as he leaned to press more kisses on your skin, his heart deflating at every second he waited for your next question. But luckily you quickly shifted your attention to his lips reaching your collarbones.

Your hand slid on the nape of his neck. "Oh, Josh..." you whispered shakily, a small moan coiling when he didn't care to get rid of the t-shirt you were wearing, which he noticed was his.

He cupped your breasts with his hands, fingers digging gently on the cotton fabric as he pressed his mouth on your already pebbled nipple, which he teased with his lips and teeth, gently to not hurt you but harsh enough to make your breath hitch embarrassingly.

"I thought I was getting a massage," you mumbled faintly, your hands searching his body for somewhere to hold onto, a hand deciding to tangle on his long golden hair while the other parked on his back.

"You'll get it, baby," he replied in kind, his hands searching for your shorts, practically ripping them off of you. "But right now I need you."

"Slow down, Josh," you sighed bemusedly as he tossed the shorts to the floor.

"Sorry," he whispered, pressing more kisses into your lips, those becoming more and more heated and hasty. "I really need you."

With a low hum, you were quickly subdued to his carnal desire, holding onto his shoulders your hands roamed all over his back. "You don't want to take this off?" you muttered, fingers tugging on the jacket on his shoulders.

"Yeah, okay," he breathed. Then he pulled back, yanking his brown jacket. And with a thrust of his arm, he carelessly tossed the jacket to the floor.

The sight made you tilt your head on the pillows. "I want the t-shirt gone too, Joshua," you mumbled with a small smile tugging at your lips.

Joshua gave no thought to your command and obliged wordlessly. He just saw the glint in your eyes as his hands searched for the hem of the white t-shirt, pulling it over his head with one motion of his arms.

And just as he began to lean towards your body on the bed, you stopped him. You just lifted one leg from the bed, placing your foot between his pecs.

"Jeans too," you said sultrily quirking up an eyebrow at him. Though there was a noticeable quiver in your tone due to nervousness, the darkened look in your eyes convinced him.

Lately, you have been trying your hand at taking control in the bedroom. A few commands here and there, until you grow more and more sheepish and beg him to retake control. Though obviously not without some teasing from his part.

But tonight, Joshua thought that maybe this is just what he needed. He needed to disconnect his mind from all that troubled him, he needed you to have your fun with him, to use him, to punish him.

So he climbed off the bed, unbuckling his belt, the clinking sound as it dangled made you prop half of your body with your elbows to keep looking at his body as he became progressively more naked.

He stepped out of his light blue jeans, sneaking a glance up at you in your bed as he started to crawl back on top of you. You were biting your bottom lip, hiding an excited smile as you saw his beautiful tanned skin, his bulging biceps and toned pecs.

"You're so hot," you welcomed him wrapping your arms around his neck as he hovered on top of you, meeting your lips with his own with soft and wet kisses. "And mine."

That made him smile as he kissed you deeper. "All yours," he whispered, feeling weak over the way you hummed happily in his mouth, your hands roaming all over his back.

"Yeah, baby?" you mumbled, your voice tiny but still in a taunting purr. A perfect mimic to his own voice when he is the one in control. "Will you do something for me then?"

"Anything," he breathed, his lips finding a sensitive spot on your neck quite effortlessly, just to hear your breath hitch and feel how your body tensed up.

"Get the handcuffs," you murmured into his ear, your fingers raking through his golden hair in a response to your own nervousness.

Joshua paused, but he didn't think of questioning you, or teasing you. He pulled back to see the certainty in your eyes and nodded, making his way to the dresser where you both kept a variety of sex toys and other accessories.

As he got the pink handcuffs he got for you in what felt like forever ago, not mere months, you got to your knees and reached out to your nightstand.

Immediately, he got a notion of what your plan was when he eyed the blindfold in your hands.

"Can you–," you paused, gathering your words in your mind before trying again. "Lie down for me, Josh."

He tried to conceal a smirk by biting his lower lip. But he obliged anyway, partly because he wanted to see where you would go with this. But on the other hand, he ached for you.

"Hands up," you breathed nervously, but the excitement in your eyes made him beam at you. You smiled and nodded your head at the railings of the headboard. "Don't make me ask again."

Anticipation ran thick and heavy through his body. His eyes remained trained on you as he raised his arms over his head, fingers grazing the rails.

You sat back on your heels, hovering over him as you reached out to secure the cuffs around his wrists. You noticed his eyes focused on your face, noticed the dark and greedy need that was slowly eating him from the inside.

"Be good for me," you whispered with a sheepish smile, leaning down to press your lips against his.

"Always am," he breathed, sounding hoarse from the urgent desire beating fast in his throat.

"We'll see about that, baby," you replied, so close to his own face still that he could feel the smile curving in your lips.

Joshua closed his eyes, letting go of his worries when your lips met his again. The pain and remorse slowly blended with the deep craving for your touch, for your love and undivided attention. Selfish, he told himself with a slight rush of guilt, but he couldn't bring himself to stop you.

Because your lips were on his. He swore he could melt into your gentle touch, the tenderness to which you always seem to carry yourself even in moments like this. He hadn't known a tender kiss like yours.

But you quickly progressed into a deeper, heated kiss, tugging at his lower lip with your teeth, making him groan quietly. "You look so hot like this," you said in a breathy mewl, slowly moving your knees to his sides.

Straddling him, you ran a hand from his forehead to the crown of his head, fingers skating through the golden locks of his hair, looking at him with a glint of mischief in your eyes.

"I have a confession to make," you smiled sweetly, your hand left his hair, sliding a fingertip from his cheekbone to his chin. "I was also thinking about you before you got home."

"Y-you were?" he had to swallow hard, his voice sounded hoarse from the lust, love and adoration slowly consuming him whole.

"Yeah," you breathed before biting on your lower lip. "I couldn't even focus on my writing."

"What were you thinking about?" he asked with a low murmur as you continued to litter his skin with wet kisses, he shuddered hard when your sweet breath caressed the curve of his neck.

"I thought of the things I want to do to you," you said breathily, you trailed down to his collarbones, sneaking a glance at him with a sheepish smile. "Have I ever told you?"

Joshua shifted in his position slightly, the metal chain linking the cuffs clanked against the rails of the headboard. "No, I don't think so," he whispered, closing his eyes when you resumed with your little trail of kisses on his skin.

There was a single mole sitting perfectly between his pecs, which you kissed lovingly as your fingers skated on his chest, caressing over, a thumb circling around his nipple just as your mouth kissed the other.

The strangled sound that came from Joshua made you grin, he felt it on his skin as you hummed bemusedly. Joshua was sensitive around his chest area, and you were always so excited to find out just how far you could go.

"I think of having you like this," you raised your eyes to his hands cuffed to the headboard, his beefy biceps framing his golden brown head. "I thought of kissing every single inch of your body."

Joshua made note of the punctuated manner you delivered the last few words, he thought of how sultrily you sounded. Sweet and dangerous.

"I thought of teasing you, marking you..." you gave him a bashful look, trying to bite your own smile as you moved to kiss his other nipple. "I want to see how obedient you can be."

Joshua closed his eyes again, trying to put no resistance to your newly found dominance over him. Raking your fingernails over his chest, littering him with feathery kisses that made him suck in a breath.

"Fuck," he squeezed his eyelids tightly when you suckled the skin on the underside of one of his pecs. His body tensed up, the cuffs clanking against the headboard. "Baby..."

"Mm? How does that feel, Josh?" you asked, a smile playing on your lips.

"Good," he breathed, licking his lips.

"Yeah?" you cocked your head to one side cutely, puckering your glossy lips before attaching them to his skin.

"Yeah..." he replied faintly, limbs relaxing into pleasure when your lovebites became harsher, mercilessly marking his skin.

He vaguely remembered the time where he didn't let anyone so much scratched his skin. He belonged to no one, so no one would leave a mark.

And there he was. Willingly subduing himself to you, letting you leave your mark on his skin, because he was completely yours.

"Stay still," you advised with a low tone before running your tongue on the recently marked area, which was already tingling.

But he couldn't help it, he tensed again, flinching so abruptly that his body nearly made yours jump.

"Joshua," you warned sternly.

"Sorry. Sorry, baby," he rasped with a laugh that remarked on his shyness. "I'm not used to this."

He was usually the one in control. The one torturing you with slow kisses, and you the one cuffed to the headboard. So the times you actually had him at your mercy were very few.

"Mmn, then I think I'll put this on you," you grabbed the blindfold that you had placed aside. "I'll remove it only if you behave."

Joshua didn't try to hide his discontent with that, sending you a glare before lifting his head from the pillows to let you secure the blindfold around his head, covering his eyes.

"There you go," you whispered. "Good boy."

Your fingers slid to cup his chin before capturing his lips with your own in a heated kiss. His tongue swept inside your mouth, muffling a raspy moan that denoted his need for you.

"If you misbehave again, I'll just use my toys and force you to watch," you muttered, emboldened by the absence of his attentive gaze on you now.

"I'll behave," he replied immediately, ignoring the quivering in his tone. "Please, just... don't stop."

There was a pause, your fingers left his chin and with a painful jab in his chest he considered pleading with you to remove his cuffs, maybe just release one of his hands. He wanted to feel you, to ease the ache eating him from the inside.

"Baby? Please," he whispered, licking his lips with some anxiousness. "Please keep going."

"Mmn, someone's a little impatient," you cooed, he could hear you smiling through your tone. "Why are you in a rush? We have all night, baby."

He cursed at himself silently for teaching you everything you were doing. But he couldn't deny that he was enjoying this way too much.

You sat back, pressing your clothed pussy on the hard bulge beneath his boxers. "Oh," you breathed upon feeling the small wet patch on the stretchy and dark fabric he still wore. You had scooted back a little sitting now on his strong thighs.

The next thing he felt was strands of your hair caressing his abdomen before you pressed more kisses around his belly button. Joshua had to ball his hands into fists to avoid jumping dramatically on the bed.

"Fuck," he breathed, feeling your fingers hooking on the band of his boxers and he braced himself, biting hard on his lower lip as your lips pressed more kisses down his happy trail.

Your fingers pushed the waistband of his boxers down further, a sigh of something that sounded close to awe spilled from your lips when his erection slapped his lower abdomen.

You crawled backwards to pull his boxers down his long legs, with a bit of his help. "Have I told you how much I like this?" you whispered, running a finger through his soft pubic hair.

"Maybe," he sighed, suppressing a shudder.

"Baby, I don't think I'd ever seen you this wet," you pointed with a gentle tone.

A finger circled around his slit, gathering the precum on his cockhead. "Mmn," you hummed softly, making him assume that you were licking the precum off your own fingers.

"Baby," he whispered with a near palpable urgency. "Please..."

"Yes, Josh?"

"Please don't make me wait," he pleaded, his voice raspy and he hated how needy he sounded but at the same time he wouldn't dare to pretend otherwise.

"Why should I?" you asked.

"I'll be good, just..." he sighed when your hand started caressing his thighs. "Let me feel you, baby, please..."

"Like this?" you muttered, your hand circling around his length and started stroking him slowly.

He groaned, sinking his head back in the pillows, his heart constricting. "No, baby, not like that," he gasped, but his mouth fell slowly when your grip became tighter around him, moving on his hard cock faster.

You rolled your hand on his bulbous head expertly, smearing his precum all over his veiny shaft, the jerking of your hand causing a wet sound.

"Then how, Josh?" you cooed, making him once again to be rid of the blindfold to see your face. "You don't like this?"

You were probably biting your lip over the sight of him trying to behave and follow your command. You were probably reveling at the sight of him subdued to you, the twitching of his fingers, his throat bobbing.

"I–, I do," he rasped. "Can I have your mouth? Please baby, I'm being good," he whispered, moving his head sideways to muffle a moan against his own bicep when he felt your pretty lips on one of his thighs.

"Mmmn, I guess..." you sighed with a pleased tone. But you didn't give him what he wanted right away.

"Please," he whispered, his thighs tensing involuntarily when your lips kissed closer to his crotch on his thigh. "Please, please..."

"I'll give you my mouth," you conceded, the movement of your hand didn't relent in speed, didn't relax your grip. "But you're going to tell me when you're close."

He nodded frantically.

"Good boy," you whispered, your fist slowed down but you continued jerking him off, giving him a broad stroke of your tongue on the underside of his cock, trailing down to his balls.

"Fuck," he clenched his jaw tightly, the muscle on his abdomen tensing before he groaned gutturally. "Fuck, fuck, baby..."

"Do you like that?" you asked swiftly, your hand rolling over his cockhead to spread his precum all over his cock before you wrapped your mouth on his balls, sucking slightly, testing for his reaction.

"Y-yeah," he croaked, craning his neck as his head sunk on the pillows.

The gentle slurping sound that came from your mouth only egged him on, but he forced himself to ground his body on the bed, the only part of his body allowed to move was his mouth as he moaned breathily.

"So good," he murmured faintly. swearing he could see colors as your mouth continued to suck on his balls, your hand pumping him languidly, distractedly.

"Remember what I told you." you muttered before wrapping your mouth around his cockhead, licking him slowly, as if simulating an open kiss, tasting the salty precum.

"God, fuck," he gasped, moaning hoarsely when you sank your mouth on him, hollowing your cheeks out as you moved up, swirling around the bulbous head. "Baby, I don't think I'll last long."

But you continued bobbing your head up and down his cock, your hand pumping on the base, tongue swirling, sucking him harder.

"Baby, I'm close," he croaked with urgency. "I'm close, fuck, fuck."

You stopped a second later, detaching your mouth and hand altogether from his throbbing cock as he groaned loudly, panting as though he had run a marathon. Even with the blindfold still on, he squeezed his eyes, scrunching in the fleeting attempt to resist his climax.

"Good?" you asked quietly when his breathing calmed down.

"Good," he nodded.

"If I take this off, will you continue to be good?" you asked, lifting a side of the blindfold.

"I promise," he gasped, still sounding breathless. "Please."

The blindfold was slid up carefully. Joshua lifted his head to help you get rid of the headband and placed his head back into the pillows with a pleased sigh.

"Thank you," he whispered, he could finally see you now.

You were still wearing his oversized t-shirt, and panties. But upon scanning you up and down, he noticed your demeanor, the mischievous glint in your eyes as you went back to your position between his spread legs.

"You're being so good, baby," you whispered, sending him a glance. A smirk crowned your glistening lips.

You were relishing at the sight of him handcuffed to the rails of your bed, chest covered in new hickeys, golden brown hair disheveled, eyes wild in lust.

"Where were we?" you asked with feigned innocence, wrapping one hand around his wet cock. "Do you want more, baby?"

Joshua released a sigh through gritted teeth, bracing himself for more torture. Nodding, he replied with a strangled groan. "Please."

"Tell me when you're close again," you whispered before kissing the tip of his cock, gathering the precum with your tongue with a pleased moan.

Now that he had a view of what you were doing to him, he knew that he wouldn't last long.

An urgent, breathy moan spilled from him the moment you wrapped your mouth around him, sinking down on him expertly, taking him wholly. The sight of his cock disappearing in your mouth was near maddening.

"Fuck!" he gasped, tugging at the pink handcuffs in a knee jerk reaction. His thumb brushed the button that could set his wrists free, but he didn't press down on it, the thought didn't even cross his mind.

He ground his hips down on the bed in an attempt to not push them into your mouth. He ached to come... he ached to hear you give him the permission to do so.

"Baby..." he mumbled. "God, that feels so good."

He closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth tightly but nothing worked, his ears buzzed, he could taste the sweet release, see it behind his closed eyes in colors and stars.

The wet, smacking sounds that came from your mouth was the only thing he could register for a moment. The quietness in the room overtaken by the sounds created by your mouth, relentlessly going up and down on his hard cock, your drool dripping onto his hilt and his balls.

"Bunny, I'm going to come," he mumbled faintly, he cleared his throat once and insisted. "God, baby, I'm close."

You stopped again, but this time Joshua only breathed deeply, eyes closed to focus on bringing himself back down. He knew that if he saw your face, he wouldn't be able to make it.

"Mmmn," he heard you hum in thought. "Such a good boy. Look."

Obfuscated, he opened his eyes to see you swipe a thumb on his slit, not without some flinching from his part. You had picked up a white bead of his cum and now directing a lascivious glance at him, you took the pad of your thumb to your mouth.

"You're good at resisting your orgasm for me," you pointed with a small smirk. "I wonder if you'll be this good when you're inside me."

He shook his head slightly. "I don't think I can last longer," he mumbled, frowning slightly. "I need to come, baby. Please, let me come."

You tilted your head to one side cutely. "But I'm just starting to have fun," you pouted, but a smile broke your bratty act.

"And I'll make you feel good," he offered with some urgency coating his words. "Please? I'll do whatever you want, just please... let me come."

"Mmmm," you pretended to consider his plea, pursing your lips and looking upwards. "Fine. But only because you're being good."

You leaned your mouth down on him again, looking at him straight in his eyes as you continued to suck the life out of him, bobbing your head up and down, doing everything you know drives him absolutely crazy.

"Fuck," he sighed, balling his hands into fists the moment you hollowed your your cheeks, swiping your tongue around the very sensitive cockhead. "God, baby! Just like that, please, please..."

He lifted his head from the pillows, breathing embarrassingly hard and loud, being so close to his orgasm his thighs and abdomen had already tensed in anticipation.

A breathy moan escaped him once again, making him sound weak and pathetic but he couldn't care less. Your beautiful eyes were locked with his, enjoying every reaction he gave you.

"I'm close," he warned, letting his head fall back onto the pillows. "Baby, baby... fuuuuuck."

You sucked him harder, your tongue pleasured his cockhead eliciting one long raspy moan from him as ropes of cum spilled from him and onto your mouth. You swallowed instantly, looking at him babble and incoherent things to you.

"Thank you," he breathed. "Thank you, baby," he said over and over, breathing hard, eyes closed tightly as he enjoyed every second of his orgasm.

You kept swallowing until he stopped cumming in your mouth and you finished with a loving kiss that you pressed on the reddened tip of his cock.

"Good?" he heard you mumble.

"Good," he replied with a shy smile and opened his eyes.

You looked pleased with your work, in fact you were almost considering calling it a night and skip to aftercare. You leaned forward, reaching the cuffs with a hand and pressed the release button.

"You were so good, Josh," you smiled cutely at him before kissing his studded brow.

His hands searched for you, landing on the line of your back as he kissed whatever part of you he could find, his lips brushed your chin, pressing frenzied kisses until he reached your lips.

A small giggle from you vibrated in his mouth. "Josh," you squealed when his hands forced you to press your body on his. "You don't want to rest, baby? You came pretty hard."

"No," he breathed against your lips. "Need to make you feel good."

"I'm good," you replied dazedly, threading your fingers through his hair. "We can stop here."

"No, please," he muttered with some urgency making his voice quiver. "I can keep going, baby."

You knew your boyfriend could go for hours. In fact, the last time you counted, he could go for five rounds in one night, one after the other. That night made him certain that no other person could make him feel like this.

"Okay..." you breathed.

Joshua's hands slid down from your back, a finger slipped beneath the backside of your lace panties and his other hand wrapped around the waistband, effortlessly ripping the delicate fabric in two.

"Joshua!" you chastised, but there was a smile on your face. "You could've just asked me to take them off."

"Faster this way," he muttered, throwing your ruined panties away and promptly took the hem of his t-shirt to get it off you.

You sent him an amused look before raising your arms to help with his task of undressing you completely.

Joshua chucked the bundled up t-shirt aside and his hands slipped on the back of your head, fingers threading on your hair as he pulled you down for a deep kiss, a moan reverberating on his chest.

He felt you adjust on top of him, your hand carefully searching for his cock, fingers wrapping around him to languidly pump his erection before you threw your body back, angling your wet cunt on his cock.

A sweet sigh spilled from your lips. You decided to toy with him some more by sliding your slippery folds on him up and down. His reddened cockhead dripping wet with your arousal, sensitive over the hard blowjob and the edging.

"Please," he sighed and pleaded with a weak tone: "No more teasing."

"Mmf," you nodded but kept sliding your cunt on his cock, his bulbous head had grown sensitive making him flinch when you rubbed your clit against it, drawing a strangled moan from him.

"Baby, please," his hands gripping your waist nearly give out and force you to sink down on him, but he had to command some control on himself.

"Just a bit longer," you sighed, throwing your head back as your fingers pressed on the underside of his shaft keeping his cock lodged between your folds as you moved your hips back and forth, rubbing your clit on him.

"Sensitive," he whispered, sinking his head on the pillows as tears brimmed in his eyes. But he gritted his teeth, unable to deny that he loved being used by you. "I need you, please. Please baby, just fuck me."

Your mouth parted, letting out a moan that told how much you liked to hear him beg. You liked to hear in his tone, to see in his face how bad he wanted you.

"Please," he insisted with a mere whisper, his eyes trained on your pussy lips spread open by his cock, slick rubbed all over him, he savored the throbbing, the warmth but it hurt at the same time.

And without any warning, you sank down on him. "Joshua!" you squealed when his grip on your hips tightened to the point that it hurt.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," he whispered, squeezing his teary eyes shut. "I'm sorry baby, fuck, fuck, you feel so good."

Your hands found his thighs, angling your body back to move your hips on him, fucking yourself on his cock, riding him in a way you never had.

He opened his eyes to see the beautiful features of your face taken over by blissful pleasure, then he saw his cock glistening wet with your arousal disappearing inside your walls. "Fuck, baby," he sighed in pure awe. "I fucking love you so much."

Joshua sounded so pathetic, his voice was raspy and almost sounded as if he were about to cry. But a soft smile appeared on your face, a glint of love in your eyes.

"I love you too, baby," you replied sweetly, removing a hand from his thigh and placing it over one of his. "So much."

Without thinking, he grabbed you and flipped your back onto the mattress, the movement so swift and efficient you could only squeal in surprise.

"Sorry, sorry baby," he whispered again, positioning himself between your legs and eased himself, thrusting shallowly inside you with a pleased moan that was muffled by your mouth.

It wasn't about regaining control, he just wanted to be face to face with you, kissing you, feeling your chest pressed to his.

"I love you," he whispered again, forgetting about subbing for you but he kept the pace of his thrusts fast and steady, enjoying the sound of your sweet moans in blissful pleasure.

"I love you, Josh," you responded dazedly, wrapping your legs around him, your fingers threading on his golden brown hair.

Joshua leaned his head down, his forehead pressing with yours. You felt the studded piercing grazing your eyebrow, his breath caressing your lips as he moaned gutturally.

A hand searched on the back of his head, grabbing one of yours and he pinned it down on the pillow, locking his fingers with yours.

"I love you," he mouthed, so quietly that you never noticed, being so enraptured in pleasure, moaning his name over and over.

Your hand slipped from his nape down to cup his cheek, bringing him for a sweet kiss that almost toppled him over the edge. "I'm close, Josh," you sighed.

Joshua nodded with his head, diving for another kiss, locking his lips with yours but deeper this time, his tongue swiping over your lower lip and into your mouth. You let out a high pitched moan into his mouth as became undone, the sweet waves of pleasure washing over you.

The feeling of your walls squeezed around him pushed him over too, he stifled a moan, tightening his grip on your hand slightly as he spilled himself inside you with shallow thrusts.

He slumped down on top of you, face cradled in the crook of your neck as the thumping in his eardrums subsided, along with the frenzied feeling coursing in his veins. Hearing your ragged gasps, feeling your legs shaking around him, your free hand stroking his back, his nape, and then his hair.

Joshua thought of something cheesy to say. But no words came out of him. So he settled for the quiet, peaceful moment you gave him, though oblivious to the turmoil that buzzed in his mind. Your heart was beating fast under his chest, and slowly, as he came out of it, he could feel his own heart beating against yours.

The day after, Joshua was returning from a practice session when he noticed you had left the apartment. Looking around the place and looking for you in your study, he only found your phone on your desk. So he promptly knew where to find you.

You turned to see him when he pushed the door open to the rooftop. "Hi bunny," he muttered softly upon standing beside you, close to the walled up ledge of the building.

"Hi baby," you pressed your lips in a weak smile.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Everything alright?"

You shook your head no. "Jeonghan texted me," you whispered, your lower lip quivering slightly.

Joshua stilled as your eyes watered but you quickly brushed it off by looking skyward and breathing deeply. "What did he say?"

"He wants to talk."

"Baby, this is good. It's what you wanted, right? You can tell him how you feel," Joshua said, but the words sounded strangled, as if it took everything in him to voice them out.

You sent him a reluctant look. "I thought that I'd be ready. Now, I don't know what to say," your voice quivered as your eyes brimmed with tears rapidly. "I broke his heart, Joshua."

"We both did," he whispered, feeling his own heart deflate upon the confession.

"What?" you asked, but he wasn't looking at your face anymore.

Shame finally took over him, making him turn his face away. "I suspected that he had feelings for you before that night..." he started, the weight of his guilt sitting at the base of his throat.

"How?"

"He was unusually gentle to you," he mumbled, shaking his head slightly. "You thought that he was being friendly, and he is, don't get me wrong. But this was different, and I know this because I've known him for longer; he spent a lot of time with you, hugged you, called you princess..."

You shuddered, hard enough that Joshua noticed. He saw how you bristled in pain and that almost broke him.

"I don't blame you for not noticing," he said right before you thought of saying something about this. "But I saw the way you looked at him... I heard your speech the night of your book release, and I understood that in my absence you had him. In the month that I left he gave you what I couldn't and I don't blame you if that made you grow feelings, baby."

He gathered his courage and took a deep breath. He wondered again if he deserved you. Maybe he didn't, he thought. Maybe he knew all along and was just sabotaging everything before he could hurt you more.

"And then you told me you wanted to invite him over for a threesome and I agreed, partly because I wanted it. But I also wanted to see if I was right about your feelings for him. I should've told you before but... I was jealous, I was mad at Jeonghan."

Joshua closed his eyes, burdened with guilt and remorse, the pain burning in his chest. He regretted with all his being the moment he decided to torture his best friend and lie to you all because of his own jealousy.

His fingers trembled slightly as he clasped his hands together, blinking at the sky above him while inhaling deeply. The silence was deadly, but he couldn't bring himself to face you.

"You shouldn't have done that, Joshua," you finally whispered, so quietly he needed to see your face. You were crying now, shaking slightly with sobs.

"I know, believe me. I know," he turned to face you now, trying to get you to look at the honesty in his eyes but you just averted your gaze elsewhere. "And I am sorry, I truly am. Baby? Please, look at me."

He cautiously brought a hand to hold your chin, but you quickly turned away before he could even touch you.

"Don't touch me," you whispered, recoiling from his touch and walking towards the door.

Joshua went completely rigid, you turned away from him, his mind began to reel before so fast he was barely aware of the pain that was searing through him.

Calling your name aloud, he tried to chase you before you could reach the door. "Baby, please stop—just listen to me."

"We'll talk when I get back, Joshua," you snapped, turning to flash him a look that stopped the blood cold in his veins.

"Would you have told me otherwise?" he asked, his voice raising to make you hear the urgency in his tone. "If you had known, if you had been certain about your feelings for him, would you have told me?"

You turned to him now, eyes flaring with rage and despair. "You don't agree to a fucking threesome to get me to confront my feelings for him!"

"Answer the question," Joshua retorted, his heart beating faster than ever before.

You sucked in a breath shakily as tears continued to fall down your cheeks. "No. I don't know," you replied with a frustrated tone. "I don't think I would have even admitted it to myself."

Joshua pressed his lips into a tight line. He hoped that you would see what he saw, that you both fucked up and cannot go any longer ignoring that you were hurting each other, hurting Jeonghan.

"I told you before, I needed time–," you gasped and covered your face with your hands in a gesture of frustration. "I can't do this right now, Joshua. I can't talk to you."

His heart instantly deflated, remorse, guilt and pain had finally given way with him, tearing him apart. It had been a while since he last cried, he realized. "I'm sorry," he said.

Hot tears blurred the vision of your pinched eyebrows, the disappointment on your face was the last thing he saw on you before you turned towards the door and left him behind.

You were not sure which door to use. It was the first time you had come to this place, but you assumed that the safest option or the quickest route was the front door.

The theater was dark and it felt cold under the seemingly lack of activity inside. But you heard voices, and loud noises behind a pair of double doors that let white light seep through the crevices.

The nervousness coursing through your veins made your blood pulsate in your throat. The moment you left your apartment you were unable to shake the feeling that you were making a huge mistake.

But at the same time, you needed to be there. You needed to fix things.

"Can I help you miss?" a voice called from behind.

"I'm looking for someone," you replied with a jump, your hand flying to your chest.

Upon turning, the face you saw was familiar.

"Oh, hi there," Joshua's old flatmate, Seokmin raised a hand and waved in a friendly way.

"Hi there," you replied.

"Who're you looking for?" he asked politely. "I work here, so maybe I can point you in the right direction, y'know? It's a big place, easy to get lost."

You took one second to consider how the situation would look to someone who knows both Joshua and Jeonghan. In particular, someone who knows you as Joshua's partner.

Seokmin pressed his lips into the smallest of smiles, not noticing you pause.

"Yoon Jeonghan, do you know him?" you asked meekly, voice quivering.

"That's my boss," he nodded with a pleased tone. "This way."

He turned and headed to the direction you assumed he came from, which was a hallway that distanced the double doors from sight.

"Are you here for the job offer?" he asked curiously, turning to see your face as he enunciated his question.

"J-job offer?" you shook your head silently.

"Yeah, we're in the middle of putting this show together and one of our writers quit recently," he pointed and then his tone suddenly changed. "And... Shua told me you're a writer..."

He turned his head and looked forward, the tips of his ears blazing bright red.

"Oh, don't worry," you smiled shyly too, with a twist to your heart from hearing your boyfriend's name. "But no, uh... Jeonghan is a friend."

"Ah, of course," he sighed, not hiding his relief. "Well, I'm not surprised. He's quite the popular guy."

You nodded, deciding to remain quiet.

The hallways were brightly lit, and as you walked further alongside Seokmin, you picked up more busy noise, voices, people breaking into song, shouting, laughing.

"It's a circus here," Seokmin muttered. "We're getting ready for a rehearsal so it's really busy here."

You stopped walking. "I can come back later," you stammered, suddenly feeling stupid over your rash decision of coming to talk to him, breaking your last agreement with Jeonghan.

The last time you talked to him, he asked for time. You weren't ready to confront your feelings either so you thought it was more convenient for you two to think about what really happened between you two.

"He's not as busy right now, I guess," he frowned slightly. "Are you sure? I can tell him you stopped by."

"Oh no, please don't," you blurted, turning on your heel and waving at Seokmin. "I'll find my way out! Thank you."

You practically ran to find the front door, your mind buzzing with so many thoughts at once that you didn't care how abruptly you left Seokmin, you didn't want to think that you were coming back home to face your boyfriend.

A sharp pain stabbed you right in the chest that you had to fill your lungs with air in order to make the feeling go away.

You stopped before the double doors once again just as your eyes caught the sight of a tall man pacing back and forth before a small stage down below rows of seats.

You pushed the door, the loud creaking noise making Jeonghan snap his head your way.

He froze at the same time you did, but he was faster than you. He handed the tablet he was holding to someone next to him, muttering a few words that made that person and the rest of the crew back away from the stage, calling a break.

Moving slowly down the rows of steps just as he was coming toward you with a question written in his eyes.

Seeing his face again after three weeks of no contact was more than you initially thought it would be. You had missed him with every fiber of your being, you missed his quiet company, his gentle voice, the jokes, the laughs.

Somehow you both met in the middle of the stairs. Jeonghan had to raise his sweet brown eyes to meet yours. A small frown appeared in your face when you choked on your words when you attempted to communicate that you needed to talk to him.

Failing to use your words, and without giving much thought you flung your arms around him just as he wrapped you in his too. His hands rubbed your back when you choked back a sob.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, though you were lost on how he was the one apologizing.

But he did it again, he whispered in your ear as you couldn't contain your tears anymore, he held you for a long while, rubbing your back, whispering that he was sorry over and over again.

"I'm sorry too, Jeonghan," you replied finally. "I know you wanted me to give you more time, but–"

"Don't," he interrupted. "Don't apologize. I shouldn't have made you wait for so long."

The comfort those words gave you made more tears and sobs break their way. For nights you wished for him to just talk to you, to let you explain what happened.

"Are you alright?" he asked, breaking away from your arms slightly, just to scan your face with his eyes. "Did something happen?"

Even if time had passed, he knew you perfectly still. You nodded. "We need to talk," you muttered, looking into his eyes. "I need to talk to you."

Jeonghan nodded, the certainty he offered you in his sweet eyes made you realize that in fact, Joshua was right and you loved him too.

You weren't sure what would happen, you weren't sure of the person you would be after this conversation. But one thing you knew is that by doing this, you could offer a bit of honesty in all this mess to Jeonghan and to yourself.

You would deal with Joshua later. 

✮ author's note: hi hi hi there everyone! here it is city lights season 2, lights out! ta-da!!!

i uh, have no explanations for this. i knew i said city lights season 2 would go on hiatus, but i just couldn't resist it and i wanted to torture some people (namely v from windsor) lmao

that's it for me,

toodles

✮ STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO!! ✮

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