An Adventurer’s Cold
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An original fic commissioned anonymously
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Subject: Original Characters By Author
Length: 3,998 Words
Genre: Denial, RPG, Contagion, Stuck Sneeze
Rating: E for Everyone
CW/TW: Slight Food Description, Mild Blood
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You have entered MARLINE’S MAGIC SHOP.
“Snf…welcobe back, traveler.”
Marline took a worn handkerchief out of her front apron pocket, blowing her nose mightily. She sniffled, leaning against the old oak counter she stood behind.
“Whad can I interest you in today?”
Terra, only half listening, looked at the many mystical items lining the shelves. Dragon’s heart, succubus horns, even a small jar filled with pixie wings for one silver piece each. Not a bad price, considering how hard pixies were to catch.
However, she didn’t have time for browsing today.
“You wouldn’t happen to have a bronze kobold fang, would ya?” she asked, looking through a green eyepiece at the tired shopkeeper.
Marline smiled. “You took thad request for the rabid fairies, I take it?”
“Yep! They’re some nasty critters, but we’ve got a potion that should stun ‘em -”
“Hah-! hhhhp’TSHIEW!”
Marline bent over the counter, her long red hair spilling over her face. She groaned, taking her handkerchief out again. Terra lowered the eyepiece.
“Good health, Mar. Though it sounds like it’s a little late for that.”
Marline blew her nose with a loud honk. “I was bushroom hunting during a rainy spell ereyesterday - snf! I believe I bay have lived to regret it.”
“I’ll say,” Terra said, frowning. “Have any faeleaf? It doesn’t taste great, but it’ll set you right again.”
“Not this week, I’b afraid. I wasn’d the only one who fell ill after the storm. I would harvest sobe byself, bud I…hih! hhh’PTCHIIEW!”
“Hey, no worries!”
Terra reached into her traveling bag and pulled out a small, bitter-smelling burlap pouch.
“I always keep some with me for emergencies.”
Marline shook her head. “You busn’t – hih’PSHIEW!”
Terra set the bag on the counter.
“Listen, if anybody has an emergency, it’s what you’ve got. Besides, I haven’t caught a cold since I was a kid! I don’t think I’m going to start getting one now.”
Marline gave a knowing smile, but took the herbs with no more opposition.
“Stday in good health, kind traveler,” was all she said before stuffing her handkerchief back into her apron pocket.
“I will!” Terra replied, not noticing Marline’s expression. “The spirit of adventure will keep me warm! And a little mead, if I can get it.”
Terra chuckled, and turned on her heel to leave.
“Ah! Your kobold fang!” Marline called after her.
Terra spun around again, putting her hand on her forehead.
“If my bow wasn’t on my back, I’d forget that too,” she said, reaching for her belt. “Let me just get my coin purse, and I’ll -”
Marline shook her head. “No, no, dear traveler, please. Your kindness has been paybent edough.”
She reached into her apron, pulling out a sharp, yellow tooth with a purple tint at the crown. She held it out to the adventurer.
“Don’t mention it,” Terra said, accepting the tooth.
Suddenly, Marline’s handkerchief was retrieved again, and she sneezed into it yet again, sniffling with a quiet groan. Terra suddenly realized that the tooth must have been next to the shopkeeper’s many handkerchiefs throughout the day. That would explain its uncharacteristic shine.
She shrugged, putting the tooth into her satchel. She’d touched worse bodily fluids.
KOBOLD TOOTH is now in your inventory.
“Get some rest, Marline!” Terra called behind her as she left.
“I shall,” Marline said wearily. “Fare thee we-heh! hhhh’PCHIEW!”
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You have entered the DARK FOREST.
“I believe this is the place, if my master’s geography is correct,” Vin said, peering at a dusty, yellowed scroll. “Though the topography may have changed since he made it.”
“Eh, how much can a bunch of rocks move?” Terra said. She squinted above her, checking the branches of the surrounding trees for glittering wings or beady eyes between the leaves.
Vin adjusted their glasses with a mechanism on the side of the hinge. “Quite a bit, actually. Earthquakes, battles, magical events, even the migration of animals can-”
ENERGY has decreased. You are now FATIGUED.
Terra yawned, rubbing her suddenly burning eyes. Vin scowled.
“You can at least pretend to be interested.”
Terra started. “Huh?”
“We have been walkin’ for a while,” Norif said, hoping to placate the scholar. “We ought to set up camp – it’s gettin’ dark anyway.”
Vin hmphed, but didn’t have any objection.
Suddenly, Terra noticed that there weren't as many sounds of footsteps as there were before. Her worn brogues, Norif’s dwarvish leather boots, Vin’s cork soles…
Terra turned around.
Frederick had completely stopped, and was looking up at the sky, which had just begun to show the pinpricks of summer stars. His wide, moonish eyes stared, unmoving. Then, with a slow motion, he lifted a thin arm and pointed a finger to the trees, his other hand moving inside his cloak. Terra instinctively rubbed her hands together, preparing her magic.
The others soon followed suit, grabbing their own weapons and standing at the ready.
Their preparedness paid off, as, before the party knew it, a swarm of angry fairies descended upon them, snarling and screeching.
Norif swung his ax at the creatures, taking large clouds of them with a single blow. Vin, with a scraping of iron, loaded their crossbow, the many cogs and mechanisms firing the arrows directly into each fairy heart. A thin rope attached to every arrow jerked them back into place with a satisfying clack. The practical Frederick fired his revolver quickly and without mercy, leaving every target a blood splatter on the dark soil.
But even with these efforts, the fairies quickly overtook them. Frothing mouths and gnashing teeth soon surrounded the adventurers.
They had expected this – after all, fairies could only be kept at bay with magic, as was their birthright. They all looked to Terra, their resident mage.
Taking this as her cue, Terra retrieved the kobold tooth from her belt, crushing the hollow bone in her palm until it was a thin powder.
A simple wind spell would spread the tooth, subduing the fairies until Terra could harness lightning to defeat them for good – electricity was the only natural element they had no control over.
Terra took a deep breath, and a howling gust of wind blew through the forest as she puffed out the ground tooth. A white cloud swirled around her. The rest of the party kept their distance, both out of reach from the spell and the rabid fairies. The cloud overcame the swarm, and, as they smelled the scent of their natural enemy, went limp and hovered in the air.
Exactly as planned.
Terra stretched her fingers, feeling the warm pulse of magic flow through her hands. To the knuckles, to the joints, then to the tips it went.
But, before she could cast the final spell, her breath caught.
The KOBOLD POWDER is tickling your throat.
Terra tried to will herself to focus on the spell, but it was no use. The powder was making her eyes water and her throat dry. She hacked out a cough, still holding her hands in front of her to cast. The spell buzzed uselessly from her fingertips.
No matter how much she wheezed and croaked, Terra couldn’t keep upright long enough to cast her spell. The cloud was starting to settle, and one of the bigger fairies shook itself from its haze, baring its fangs. It dived into a thin part of the cloud towards Terra.
“Watch out!” Norif called, but it was no use. Terra could hardly hear herself think, much less anyone else over her hacking.
Terra looked up just in time to see the fairy rear back an arm and sink its claws into her cheek. She yelped, stumbling back. A tree root caught her heel, and she tumbled to the ground. She lifted herself onto her elbows to the fairy growling a low growl, preparing another, deadlier attack. Green venom dripped from its fangs, and its yellow eyes dilated. Terra held her hands in front of her, trying in vain to ward off the creature.
“N-Nice fairy…snf…”
Unbeknownst to the mage, the tickle in her throat had slowly traveled to her sinuses. Her freckled nose began to twitch.
You need to SNEEZE.
“Deh-Don’t…hih-!”
A small group of black clouds gathered above them, and Terra’s hands began to crackle. Thunder crashed. The fairy started, looking up with wide eyes and a whimper. Terra squeezed one watering eye shut.
“A-Almost…gih-!”
The clouds grew thicker, the thunder louder. The tree branches trembled in the wind. The other fairies, still hovering, looked up at the rumbling sky. Terra hitched, curling her fingers.
“HAH-!”
KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!
You used CALL OF LIGHTNING.
Lightning flashed, hitting every single fairy with a bolt of white hot magic. They fell to the ground, singed and lifeless. Barely contained, bolts began hitting nearby trees, giving them black, round burn marks with red centers. If the rest of the party hadn’t gotten out of range of Terra’s magic, they would have surely been struck as well.
It was VERY EFFECTIVE.
Once the spell had run out of targets, it ended, and the dust cleared. All that was left in the now barren clearing was Terra, stunned and still holding her hands in front of her. A light drizzle began to fall.
There was a long pause as the party stood still in front of the clearing, afraid to join the fairies littering the ground.
“Cogs and corkscrews,” Vin murmured, their usually narrowed eyes wide.
Norif gingerly stepped into the singed circle, keeping the blade of his ax above him just in case.
“Y’alright?” he said, taking a torn rag from his breast pocket.
Terra blinked, and a nervous smile shook on her lips.
“I, uh…the spell kind of got away from me, huh?”
“I’d say so,” Vin said, earning him a glare from Norif, who had begun dressing the wound on Terra’s cheek.
“At least the job’s done,” he soothed. “No one in their right head would want fairies caught alive.”
Terra nodded. “Yeah. That’s right. Just - koff! - give me a sec and I’ll -”
ENERGY has decreased. You are now EXHAUSTED.
Terra fell back against the tree trunk, wincing. Norif rubbed her shoulder.
“We’ll make sure the fairies don’ seep back into the soil. You did your part. We’ll do ours.”
Hardly in a position to argue, Terra leaned her head against the tree trunk, closing her burning eyes.
Before she knew it, a pair of strong arms lifted her up from the ground. All she heard before she dozed off was Vin complaining that their glasses would get rusted in the rain, and there wasn’t a blacksmith for miles, and was it really necessary to do a lightning spell of all things…
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You have entered GWALT’S INN.
“A c-couple rooms, if ya would.”
The innkeeper peered over at the counter at the adventurers. Terra was standing, as she had insisted on entering the inn on her own two feet. However, she had a hand on Frederick’s shoulder for support.
The innkeeper raised an eyebrow. “On whose account?”
Terra looked around. Instead of drunken workmen or soldiers recounting battle, the fine oaken tables were filled with nobles politely chatting over honey mead or aged wine. A few of them had turned to stare at the soaked, mud-covered party in varying degrees of confusion and disdain.
This wasn’t an adventurer’s inn, but a place for those of higher standing to feel a clean ruggedness, a false sense of bravery as they “conversed with the locals.”
This wasn’t a place for them.
However, before they could return to the stormy darkness, Frederick held up a hand and reached inside his cloak. He retrieved a thin card, one side silver and the other gold. A few words that Terra didn’t recognize were engraved into the metal. Frederick laid the card on the counter, pushing it towards the innkeeper with the tip of his finger.
To Terra’s surprise, the innkeeper began to sputter, his waxy face turning red.
“Of course, sirs! Madams! His majesty’s brave battalion!”
The nobles began to whisper among themselves, their disgust turning quickly to awe and reverence.
“I am terribly sorry, no, outraged that you had to travel in such dreadful weather!” the innkeeper stammered, showing them up the stairs with a low bow. “I will have your clothes washed immediately, and perfumed of course! And whatever of our selection of humble morsels you may like, if thou wishes.”
Terra raised her eyebrows, looking at Frederick. He only nodded solemnly.
It wasn’t long before the mage was in a pair of silk bedclothes, laying in a large bed with frilled sheets and a thick quilt.
However, she wasn’t sleeping.
“Ih-! Hih…!”
You need to SNEEZE.
She sniffled, then, with a sigh, blew her nose. Mounds of tissues surrounded her, all provided by the inn staff, of course. However, no matter how much she snuffled and sniffled and rubbed her nostrils with the palm of her hand, she couldn’t bring herself to sneeze – though the need grew ever more powerful.
Unable to doze for more than a few minutes, she tried to plan the next few days' journey with Vin and Norif, but to no avail.
“If we - snf! - take the high road,” she wavered, keeping a tissue at her nose, “w-we can…meh-!...make good time.”
Norif rubbed the end of his beard. “I don’ think we’ll be leavin’ this inn for a while. On account’ve…”
He cleared his throat.
“...the weather, a’course.”
“The rain’s never stopped us before,” Terra said. “A-And we won’t - snf! - have to stop for washing! We’ll just let the rain…c-clean - HI’HIH-!”
“Would you be quiet?” Vin hissed, not looking up from the map. “I can hardly concentrate.”
Norif slit his eyes at the halfling. Terra growled in frustration.
“You made me lose it again!”
She reached for another tissue, but, finding there to be none left, she buried her nose into the neck of her shirt.
“Disgusting,” Vin said, recoiling and putting the map in front of their eyes.
Terra ignored them. “Maybe some of the kobold tooth got into my nose…I’ve neheeded to sneeze since we bagged the fairies.”
She sniffled.
“Or maybe it’s a curse? But what curse makes you n-need to sneeze?”
Before Norif could answer, the door opened, and Frederick came in, arms full with packs of tissues from the innkeeper. He moved carefully around the bed, handing one of the packs to Terra. She ripped them open with one hand – as the other was more than occupied – and put almost half of them to her streaming nose.
“Thangk you,” she said with a blow.
Norif moved the quilt up to Terra’s shoulders, gently pushing her head onto the mountain of silk pillows.
“Well, until this, er, curse passes, it would be best to lay yourself down for a bit. Maybe Vin could find a cure for ya. Yea, Vin?”
Vin raised their eyebrow at the pointed request, but said nothing to refuse.
“I’ll be fine,” Terra said, propping herself up on her elbows. “And we’re - snf! - leaving tomorrow, rain or shine…!”
She yawned, settling back down again.
“Curse…or no curse.”
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The innkeeper had insisted on breakfast before the party left. An array of meat, pastries, fresh fruit, wine, and mead were brought before them – a king’s feast.
But Terra could hardly touch it.
Having been kept up almost all night by her burning sinuses and aching head, she could only lean against the back of the wooden chair, shivering as the chilly morning air drafted through. Her coat was made to be warm, even in the most frigid northern wind, but it seemed like the cold was leeching into her very bones.
She was only awoken when Norif put a hand on her forehead. The warmth of his rough palm felt her head, then either side of her neck. She heard him whisper something to the others, but the only thing she could hear was her pounding temples.
“Mmn…is it tibe to leave?” she murmured, trying to push her chair back from the table. Her sore joints were too weak, and the chair’s back legs clacked back onto the floor.
“Ah! Not just yet,” Norif saud, an odd tone of urgency in his voice. “We need’ta…er, Vin’s gonna go to a library nearby. T’cure your curse. There’s really no use ‘n you goin’, it’s all dusty books and scrolls.”
“Don’d have tibe,” Terra croaked. “Back to the guild.”
Norif gave Vin a pleading look, and the scholar fumbled with their knapsack, taking out a few tattered papers and maps.
“Eh, w-well, we are a few days ahead of schedule. We needn’t be back for at least another week, and it only takes three days to - ”
Terra was already up from the table, ignoring Vin. Without much choice, everyone else followed suit. After yesterday’s battle, they were afraid of what might happen if they tried to force her back to bed.
The weather had much improved since the day before. Though it was still a bit gray, the sun peeked out between the clouds, sending rays of light through the raindrops still left on the leaves.
Despite her weakness, Terra took the front as usual, plodding alongside Norif. Shivers ran up and down her spine as a cold wind left from the storm began to blow.
As the group walked near the edge of the woods, the clouds grew darker, and the sun disappeared again. Terra put a thumb on the underside of her nose.
You need to SNEEZE.
Terra sniffled and rolled her eyes. As if on cue, her nostrils began to tremble, and a burning tickle flared in her swollen sinuses. But, this time, the urge grew so great that it made the mage stop in her tracks.
“Hih…? HIH-!”
Attempt to STIFLE? > YES NO
She put her hands over her nose. A slow tingling made its way from her nose to the rest of her body. Soon, the air around her crackled with blue sparks of magic.
“Terra?” Norif said, reaching towards her before thinking better of it.
Terra tried to answer, but it was taking everything in her to keep the magic contained. Thunder rumbled in the clouds as she squeezed one watery eye shut.
“I-I’m…guh-! HUH-!”
She desperately waved to her friends to stand back – she knew that this sneeze was coming, one way or another. The party wasted no time, running behind the treeline with whatever they could carry above their heads to protect them.
“HihihHIH-!”
Terra leaned her head back, the magic coming to a peak inside her. The air was suddenly silent – a calm before the storm. Until –
“HIYA’TSHIIIIIIIEW!”
A circle of lightning flashed around her, and thunder rumbled loud enough to shake the earth. Smoking burn marks smoked around her.
But, before the rest of the party could join her again –
“HYESH’IIIIIEW!”
Again and again Terra sneezed, with each sneeze bringing another ring of lightning and another round of thunder. All of her lost sneezes from the night before seemed to finally come to fruition, and she couldn’t stop for some time.
Finally, though, Terra did stop. She lifted her head, dazed and with singed hair, and sniffled thickly.
SNEEZE COMBO x15!
Snottiness Rank B! Power Rank A+!
Bless you, TERRA!
One by one, her comrades came to join her – Norif first, of course, then Frederick, then, after some convincing, Vin.
The thunder had subsided, but a heavy rain had begun to fall. Terra started to shiver again, her trembling breath visible in blue puffs of steam.
“Ya poor thing…” Norif said, taking off his own fur-lined cloak and tying it around her shoulders. “You really oughta’ve stayed in bed.”
Terra rubbed her nose on the back of her damp sleeve. “Bud…th-the guild…we need…koff!”
She began coughing into her arm, and Norif fastened his cloak tighter around her.
“Ya need do no such thing,” he said firmly, though not unkindly. “You’re sick as a gnome in the rainy season. And almost half as wet –”
“And the sooner you put aside that hero complex of yours,” Vin interrupted, “the sooner we can get inside the inn, out of this weather! I’m already soaking, and we certainly don’t need two people ill in this party!”
They crossed their arms, and lifted their chin.
“Furthermore,” they added, “we wouldn’t want you catching pneumonia. That’s quite a bit harder to treat than that disgusting cold. And I will be significantly more furious with you if I catch it.”
Frederick took off his combat gloves, then put them over Terra’s red-tipped hands. He looked over his glasses and gave her one of his rare smiles. Putting his palms on either side of Terra’s hands, Frederick rubbed them together, trying to warm them.
“Ya feelin’ better, Terra?” Norif asked.
Terra sniffled. “C-Cold…”
“Well, no wonder!” Vin said, scoffing. “Heat is mostly lost through the head. If she had some sort of covering, then, perhaps…she could…”
Vin stopped. Everyone was staring at them. Or, rather, their scholar’s beret.
“I mean…or, rather…” they spluttered, then threw their hands up. “Oh, fine! But it had better be returned to me in the exact condition I lent it. It’s irreplaceable, you know.”
They took off their hat, stiffly handing it to Frederick, as if through ceremony rather than a favor.
“Your sacrifice will be remembered through th’ ages!” Norif said, chuckling.
Vin glared at him. “My patience has already been tested enough. Do not test it further.”
“Aye, aye.”
Terra could feel a slow warmness spread through her, and her eyes suddenly felt heavy as iron.
“Alright, up ya go. Let’s get ya out of the cold.”
Terra was heaved up again, and, surrounded by the warmth of her friends, drifted into a dreamless, sneezeless sleep.
FRIENDSHIP LEVEL +1!
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You have entered MARLINE’S MAGIC SHOP!
“Welcome back, traveler! Might I interest you in our wares?”
Marline smiled at the returning Terra, who replied by blowing her nose into a pink tissue.
“How’s it going, Mar?” Terra said, sniffling as she looked at the glimmering displays.
Marline’s smile faded. “Are you not well, traveler?”
“I’m weller than I have been. Just a liddle sniffly now. Snf!”
Marline put a hand to her mouth.
“Oh, Terra…it must have been my chill that you caught. And I left you without any faeleaf!”
Terra rubbed the back of her neck. “About that. You wouldn’t happen to have any more of that left in stock, would you?”
“Ah, yes, a fresh bunch! Why-”
Suddenly, a large, dwarvish sneeze came from outside the shop, followed by a chorus of harsh coughs. Marline put her lips together underneath her hand, keeping back a giggle.
“Oh, dear.”
“Yeah,” Terra said sheepishly. “I’ll take three pouches.”
She furrowed her brow, counting on her fingers.
“And a few-”
Another sneeze rang out, this time small and high-pitched.
“Okay, a lot of tissues. We’re gonna need ‘em. Maybe some tea? I guess? That’s what Vin gave me when I was sick, anyway.”
Marline winked. “I know just the thing.”
She disappeared behind the shelves for a few moments, coming back with many packs of tissues, two pouches of strong-smelling tea leaves, a few pouches of faeleaves, and a thick blanket.
“May your party be blessed with a quick recovery,” Marline said.
Terra started to reach for her coin pouch, but Marline stopped her.
“I gave you and the others my cold. I’m going to cure it as best I can.”
Terra opened her mouth to argue, but closed it again. She began to put the items in her bag.
“You’ll have nothing to sell at this rate, Marline,” she said.
Marline tilted her head. “Well, I can always deal in colds.”
Yet another sneeze came from the doorway, raspy and shuddering.
“It appears I’m quite good at it, I’m afraid.”
“I am too, if being an adventurer doesn’t pan out,” Terra said, turning to leave. “See you later, Marline!”
“Goodbye, dear traveler! And good health!”
Marline chuckled as Terra joined the others.
“Though it appears it’s a little late for that.”
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