#plan b '85

[stobinesque]

talking could, if we'd just dare (you know that i'll forgive you), pt. 1

@steddie-week day 6: misunderstandings / "You Lookin' at Me Lookin' at You" by Ozzy Osbourne | ~5.5k words | G or T inspired by this post from @inklessletter!

If Eddie was being honest, he’d never actually paid that much attention to Steve Harrington. Sure, it was impossible not to know of him. But for most of his life it had simply been…unimportant, to know about the various goings on of the Class of ‘85’s royal court. Harrington was rich, a bit of a bitch, and kept company with other rich bitches, and so Eddie neatly categorized him with all the other pretty, rich jocks, and went about his day. Life was easier when there was an order to such things. Keep the smalltown, upper-middle class heroes to one side, and the freaks and degenerates to the other, and everyone could live in an uneasy sort of harmony until they walked the stage and left this rathole behind.

Of course, repeating senior year thrice had put a wrench in that plan.

Meanwhile, Dustin Henderson had thrown the whole damn toolbox into the whole not-paying-attention-to-one-Steven-MiddleName-Harrington plan.

And whatever the fuck was going on now had just blown everything out of the water. 

(Or into the water, as the case may be—except the freaky parallel hellscape they’d all dove into seemed to be utterly devoid of the substance, so maybe the original metaphor worked just fine.)

So now he had to contend with the fact that Steve Harrington was a) a pretty nice dude to recent victims of smalltown witch-hunts who had just been thrust into what was apparently a years-long government conspiracy involving monsters and mind-controlling wizards, b) a bit of a dork, c) friends with a whole bunch of dorks, most of whom were four or five years younger than him, d) admirably—though perhaps self-destructively—protective of said dorks, e) just as much of a badass as Henderson claimed, and, most distressingly: f) extremely hot while doing so. 

The being a protective badass part, not all the other ones.

(The other parts Eddie was retroactively filing under “adorable,” and “cute.”)

The expression Steve got on his face when Eddie lobbed his battle vest at him was also priceless, so at that point Eddie figured, fuck it. What did he have to lose from some harmless flirting? The chances of him making it out the other side of this both alive and un-incarcerated were dwindling by the second, and it’s not like he ran any risk of things going anywhere. (Harrington might be a good dude, and alternate dimensions and monsters and superpowers apparently existed, but Steve Harrington being anything other than a straight man with Traditional American Values™ strained credulity—and the Munson Doctrine—far past any acceptable limit.) 

After all, if there was one thing that Eddie had actually learned from D&D, it was that a little bit of flirting and fun could take the sting out of any TPK.

🦇🦇🦇

If Steve was being honest with himself—which he’d been making a concerted effort to try to do since fall of ‘84—he could admit that his…jealousy…of Munson predated Dustin joining Hellfire. His whole climbing-on-cafeteria-tables schtick was kind of obnoxious, sure. But up until he’d wound up flunking his first try at senior year, Eddie'd had this sort of dorky-but-cool aura that Steve wished he was apathetic enough about other people’s opinions to achieve.

For a man who seemed to genuinely believe he was a coward, Eddie Munson was so…loudly and unapologetically himself. In Hawkins, Indiana—a place that quite literally wanted to kill him for how much of a freak he was. And, sure, some of that came down to the whole wanted-for-murder thing. But the man had also spent the better part of the past twelve hours flirting with a former jock—whom Eddie himself admitted to thinking was a douche up until a couple days ago!—so Steve had the sneaking suspicion that there was probably a corner of the town that already had it out for Munson long before Chrissy Cunningham’s body was found in his trailer.

And it wasn’t that Steve wanted to get into metal, or that Dragons game, or start wearing hand-printed t-shirts and attaching his wallet to a chain. He just wished that even after all the years of monsters, and government threats, and Russian torture, he didn’t still feel the need to hold himself to standards set by other people. 

If anyone was a coward, it was Steve.

And there was something kind of…nice—reassuring, even—about the fact that Eddie seemed to feel the same way—but in reverse—about him. Like together maybe they could take the bravest parts of the other and make them their own.

And underneath it all, Steve could admit, was the fact that Eddie was…pretty. 

So. Steve was having a bit of a crisis

“Robin, I’m having a crisis.” 

“We’re all having a crisis, dingus,” she shot back, slapping at his shoulder with the back of her hand.

“No— no, not that.” Steve started emptying one of the bottles of vodka they’d procured into the half-dead grass. “I’m talking about the whole—” Steve waved a hand over towards where Eddie and Dustin were horsing around. “The Eddie thing.”

“Oh, you mean the fact that he’s been blatantly flirting with you since you got eaten by bats?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yes, Robin, I’m talking about the blatant flirting.”

“And…why is that causing a crisis?”

Steve fish-mouthed at her. “B-because…” He leaned forward with a finger held aloft, ready to waggle it in her face. He paused. Frowned. “Well, because…” Steve threw up his hands. “I don’t know! A few days ago the man thought I was a douche. Literally just yesterday he was, like, hot-and-cold trying to throw me at Nancy, while also ogling my chest hair, and now he’s calling me ‘big boy’ and trying to get into my personal space? It doesn’t make sense, Robin!”

“Welcome to the club, buddy.” She raised her brows at him pointedly. And, yeah, that was fair, he guessed.

“And,” He started again, “And– I’ve also got Henderson insisting that I win Nancy back—he does seem to have finally dropped the whole are-you-secretly-dating-Robin thing, though, which—”

“Oh, thank god.”

“Yeah. But, on top of that Nancy has also been making eyes at me, but she’s still with Jonathan so I don’t know what to do about that. And it’s all just a mess, Robs! I’m a mess.”

“Yeah, well, that’s been true for ages, Stevie.”

“Thanks, Robin. That’s very helpful.”

“What? I’m just saying, if you’re going to tell me that I’ve got to ‘be myself,’ and put myself out on a limb with Vickie, while you’re out gallivanting with Helen or Jackie or whoever—”

“Heidi—”

“Whatever.” Robin waved her hand dismissively. “My point is: you keep throwing yourself at all of these girls who only know the old you—even if you’re trying to give them the new-and-improved model—and you haven’t even tried to go after a guy, and I think we both know why. And now you’ve hit the jackpot of what every tragic gay teenager in smalltown America can only dream of: you’ve got someone blatantly, and undeniably into you, who you also like back, and you’re telling me that you’re having a crisis? Need I remind you of the tableau we were treated to back at The War Zone?”

Steve sighed. “I know, Robs. You’re right.” Steve jammed a funnel into the neck of the bottle he was working on, and the two of them kept building molotov cocktails in the dying evening light, as Steve tried to reassure Robin that she still had a chance with Vickie—which she did, and Robin took his mind off his own impending disaster. But, if Steve had even a shadow of a chance of getting to hook up with a guy, Robin deserved to have a romance of her own. As much as Robin was afraid to see it, Steve was pretty sure he recognized that conflicted look Vickie’d had in her eyes when she’d spotted Robin in the store. There was something there, he was sure of it.

But maybe Vickie was like him. Maybe she’d only just learned this new thing about herself. Robin—and presumably Eddie—had had at least a couple of years to sit with this knowledge about themselves and come to terms with it. But for Steve (and Vickie?) it was still so scarily and terribly new. With girls, Steve knew how to play the field. He knew what was expected of him—what role he had to fill. But with Eddie a guy, all the rules went out the window; all of his scripts: useless. He’d have to start from scratch, and build something completely different from anything he’d been taught to want or expect before.

Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, though. Because Robin was right: they had more important things—end-of-the-world shaped things—to worry about. His love life could wait. Eddie could wait.

They all just needed to make it out of there alive.

🎸🎸🎸

Eddie survived. 

They won.

Eddie survived, and so did everyone else, and they won.

Eddie kept repeating it to himself, because he couldn’t quite believe it. 

He couldn’t make heads or tails of the fact that in the end running away was exactly what he needed to do to make sure they all made it out in one piece—more or less. 

He’d walked right out of hell with nothing more to show for it than a few scratches up his sides, and a ring of bruises ‘round his neck. In the end, Steve was the only person other than Red who needed a hospital stay of any kind, because what would have been manageable wounds on day one, had become life-threatening after days of infection and improper care.

A future in a state penitentiary also seemed to be out of the cards. There was probably nothing any of them could say or do to convince the general Hawkins populace of his innocence, but Dr. Owens and his ilk had crafted a cover story believable enough to win over Powell and Callahan, at least. More to the point, though: all charges had officially been dropped, and the case was closed.

Now there was just the mortifying process of figuring out how to move on. Or at least forward. 

That was the part you didn’t see in movies. No one showed the recovery. Because what was so interesting about watching someone pull their life and body back together? As though healing wasn’t just as much a part of the story as the falling apart.

Eddie wasn't ashamed to admit that it was driving him a bit mad. Because these kids all seemed to be seasoned veterans at it. They hadn't just snapped back to their relatively-easy-going-but-bitchy baselines by any means—Lucas and Dustin especially seemed incredibly subdued in response to the extent of Max's and Steve's injuries, respectively—but they moved around one another with a care and familiarity that spoke to years of experience. 

“How did you do this?” Eddie scrubbed a hand through his hair, yanking at the roots. He and Robin were posted by Steve's bedside—he still spent most of his days semi- to unconscious. And while Eddie didn’t necessarily think it made a whole lot of sense for him to be spending more time at Steve’s bedside than the kids did, Robin was only ever dragged away from him kicking and screaming, and as the newest member of the apocalypse posse above the age of twelve, he was in desperate need of her guidance.

“How’d I do what?” Her typically-raspy voice sounded paper thin, and there were deep, dark circles under both eyes.

“I don’t know—!” Eddie flapped a frantic hand around, like he could manifest words and meaning into being. Something about it made the corners of Robin’s mouth twitch up. “Any of it? You–you dealt with a flesh monster, apparently, and you’re just...walking around on two feet, probably ready to graduate—which is more than I could guarantee for myself—”

“Hey, you will—”

“Not the point, Buckley! The point is, up until this new bout of freaky shit popped into existence, you seemed like you were walking around Hawkins without a care in the world. So how’d you do it? What’s your secret?”

Robin scoffed. “If you think I was walking around without being terrified every day, you either weren’t paying attention, or you’re a lot less smart than I gave you credit for, Munson.”

Eddie grimaced. “Sorry, sorry. That’s not what I meant, I just…you seem like you managed to pull yourself back together—whereas I feel seconds away from total collapse.”

“Yeah, that’s not just a you thing.” Robin twisted one of her rings around her finger. “But you wanna know what kept me upright? It was Steve. I don’t think I would have made it through the last eight months without him. And I know he’s gonna be alright, but I am still terrified that something will happen and he’ll get ripped away from me.”

Eddie frowned. He didn’t think he’d been picking up on those kinds of vibes between Harrington and Buckley, but the way she spoke about him… “Are the two of you, like, a thing?”

Robin barked out a laugh. “No! Not at all. I mean, he is the most important person in my life, and I would both kill and die for him. But, like, in a normal, platonic way.”

“...I’ll take you at your word for the ‘platonic’ part, but there is absolutely nothing normal about what you just said. You two are freaky for each other.”

Robin giggle-snorted, and it scrunched her nose up in a way that filled Eddie with warmth. Despite everything about his…everything, he’d never been short on friends—but it always felt nice to find another one. “Yeah, yeah I guess we are.”

“Mmm…Bobbie? ‘Zat you?” The beeping of Steve’s heart monitor picked up a little speed, and the man in question’s eyelids fluttered open. Robin immediately unraveled from the folded-up position she’d adopted in the hospital chair, and reached out to take his hand into her own. 

“Yeah, Stevie, it’s me.”

Steve squeezed her hand, before his eyes started scanning the room—going wide when they landed on Eddie. “Oh. Eddie.” A light pink flush broke over his face, and he averted his gaze almost as quickly as he met Eddie’s. That kept happening whenever Steve woke up, and Eddie didn’t know what to make of it, but it always left him off-kilter in a way he didn’t want or know how to put a name to. He always took it as his cue to leave.

“Well,” he started, with forced cheer, and a shit-eating grin. He pushed himself up from the chair and dusted off his knees. “I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds to catch up,”

“Not lovebirds—” Steve slurred, at the same time Robin exclaimed, “Ew, Munson!”

Eddie just cackled and sauntered off with a jaunty salute.

🦇🦇🦇

Steve felt like he was losing his mind. 

He'd been out of the hospital for a few weeks now, but he almost wished he was back there, because every waking second was just a never ending parade of pain and confusion. 

Fuck, why did almost dying always hurt so much?

The upside of being awake and ambulatory, was that Eddie had finally stopped running out of the room whenever Steve was awake for longer than two seconds. The down side—which was unfortunately directly connected to the aforementioned upside—was that Eddie was being weird.

And, okay, Steve had an admittedly shallow pool of evidence from which to draw his comparisons from. But the fact remained that Eddie’s behavior towards him pre- and post-Vecna-slaying were worlds’ apart. And he didn’t know how to fix it. He’d tried everything: playing coy, bringing him small gifts, finding excuses to talk to him one-on-one when the rest of the group was gathered together. But none of it seemed to work.

What Steve wanted was to just be able to rock up to the trailer with a bouquet of flowers and ask him out to a night at Enzo’s. But even without the whole recently-wanted-for-murder thing, the two of them going out on what was obviously a date in Hawkins was not only a bad idea, but actively dangerous. And without his typical romance rituals to fall back on, Steve was at a loss as to how to proceed, when the object of his affection was acting so damnably fickle.

“I just don’t get it, Rob. One minute he’s calling me ‘big boy’ and getting all up close and personal, and the next he’s looking like I killed his cat!”

“You have got to stop using other people’s trauma as analogies for your love life, babe.”

Steve waved a hand. “Mrs. Henderson’s not here.”

Robin threw up her hands. “And that makes it okay?”

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Fine, whatever.” Robin ruffled her hair in frustration. “Maybe he’s just nervous!”

“Nervous! Why would he be nervous?”

“I don’t know, Steve. Why are you nervous?”

“Because I like him, and I don’t want to get hurt again!” Steve shouted, startling himself by the force with which the words came tumbling out.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Steve sighed. “I mean, it’s not just that, though, it’s…” Steve waved a hand into the open air between them. “I don’t know how to do this, you know? If this was a girl, I’d be thinking ‘oh, she’s playing hard to get—’”

“I can’t believe that’s a real thing people do,” Robin deadpanned.

“I mean, sometimes it really is just that they don’t like you—except that then they don’t keep trying to, like, hang out and joke with you—which Eddie does, he’s just hopelessly awkward about it.”

“Steve. Eddie is a hopelessly awkward person. It’s like a defining character trait.”

“Well he wasn’t with me.” Steve wiped a hand over his face and groaned. “I’m just nervous I misread the whole thing, you know? And if I did, and I ask him the wrong thing in the wrong way…what if he doesn’t want to see me again? Like, at all?”

Robin reached out and took his hand. “I hate that you have to know what that feels like,” she said, soft and careful. “But even in the wild event that Eddie is either a: entirely straight, or b: just not into you, I don’t think there’s any version of him that wouldn’t want to talk to you at all. So you should ask him out.”

“Okay, Rob,” Steve sighed. “Only on one condition, though.”

“Oh, no. Ohhhh, no you don’t—”

“You’ve gotta ask out Vickie,” Steve finished, holding out his hand with a smirk.

“Uggggh, fine. Deal.”

🎸🎸🎸

Steve was acting weird.

He’d been acting weird since getting discharged from the hospital—acting all shy and blushy one second, and then turning around and bringing him a new set of dice the next—but it’d really been cranked up to eleven for the past week.

And, look, Eddie knew he was new to the monsters-are-real crew. He knew that in order to make space for him they had to alter whatever their established dynamics were to fit him into them. But that didn’t account for the fact that all of a sudden Steve seemed to be completely unable to string two sentences together in front of him. 

Maybe the two of them weren’t quite friends yet, but he missed the ease with which they’d been able to talk and be honest with each other only a couple of weeks ago. Hell, they’d had more chemistry together down in the Upside Down.

Oh.

Oh, fuck. 

Maybe that had been the problem all along. Maybe Steve had finally clocked his doomsday-flirting for what it was, and was trying to establish boundaries. Eddie thought he’d pulled back since they'd all crawled out of hell—broken, but alive. As soon as the danger was clear there was no reason to play the bit anymore, right? It’s not like his flirtation attempts had ever been more than a way to liven up what had been an unmitigated shitstain of an experience. Sure, Harrington was pretty, and nice—and there was clearly more to him than met the eye. Eddie had really enjoyed getting to know him over the course of the past few weeks. He wouldn’t mind getting to know him better, if he was being honest. But it looked like the door was closing on that chance if he didn’t straighten things out.

“Hey, Harrington?”

“I thought I told you to call me Steve, Munson.”

Eddie smiled his ‘malicious compliance’ smile and clasped his hands behind his back, rocking onto his heels as he said. “Alright: Steeeve.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but there was a little smile on his face that belied the general bitchiness of the rest of his demeanor. “What do you want, Eddie?”

Eddie spread his hands out in front of him like he was unfurling a map into the air between them. “Just figured I ought to clear the air.”

Steve frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You know—the whole reason you’ve been all weird around me lately? I figured it’d be best if I put all of my cards on the table.”

The frown dropped off of Steve’s face—replaced by an expression that Eddie couldn’t decipher. It wasn’t…bad? There was no apprehension to be found there. Steve looked almost expectant. Hopeful, maybe. Which didn’t make a whole lot of sense—but Harrington didn’t make a whole lot of sense, so maybe Eddie was just misreading whatever he was seeing there. 

“You know it was all just in good fun, right? That it didn’t mean anything?”

The frown returned. “What are you talking about?”

“Back in the Upside Down. You know I was just messing with you, right, man? Just a bit of good ol’ fashioned I’m-about-to-die flirting, you know? Nothing to get all worked up about.” Eddie kept a wide smile fixed in place, tried to really lean into the whole ‘non-threatening gay guy’ vibe—an uphill battle for him, specifically on one of his best days. He’d do jazz hands if it’d help sell the performance any better. But each word out of his mouth felt more like a lie than the one before.

A thin fissure appeared on Steve’s face—a crack that Eddie could almost see through, but not enough to be able to make any sense of what was on the other side. “Oh,” Steve said. His voice was shaking and Eddie couldn’t figure out why. It set off alarms in the part of his brain that was always primed to run at the first sign of danger. “So you’re…not gay?”

Eddie frowned in confusion. Of all the ways he thought Steve might react, that was not one of them. So Eddie forced a laugh, trying to disarm the question. “Oh no, I am a flaming homosexual. I just want to make sure you know that doesn’t mean I’m interested in you.”

The frown slid off of Steve’s face, and the fissure smoothed itself away like it’d never been there. The Steve standing before him was blank-faced as a statue, and it made Eddie want to puke. In all his worrying about Steve being uncomfortable with the idea that Eddie was hitting on him, specifically, he’d entirely forgotten to be worried about Steve being straight up homophobic. At least he wasn’t throwing punches. That was something, right? But Steve was looking at him with such a totalizing coldness behind his eyes that Eddie felt like he’d been left out to sea. 

Steve gave a stiff nod. “Right, of course not,” he said, but the words came out wooden. He threw a thumb over one shoulder and twisted on his heel, back toward the beemer. “I’ll just…I gotta go.”

And then Harrington turned his back to him, and walked away.

Eddie didn’t have a crush on Steve.

So why did it hurt so much to watch him leave?

⛵⛵⛵

Robin sped down the stairs when she heard the banging at the door. There weren’t many people who would bother turning up on her doorstep unannounced. Even fewer who would make such a concerted effort to try to knock it down with the force of their pounding fists.

She swung the door open to find a tear-stained Steve standing before her.

“What happened?” She gasped out. Was it back? It couldn’t be back. El and Will had both sworn on pain of death that it was over. Maybe there was a new horror in town? Maybe Nancy had gone missing? Or Dustin? One of the other kids? Maybe Eddie? 

Steve cut off the racing of her thoughts with a sobbing gasp. “Nothing, Robs.” Somehow, he looked worse than he had after the Russians. His head was hung low, and Robin could swear there was a shadow of phantom-bruising around his eyes. Like he’d been emotionally decked in the face. He took a step forward to come inside at the same moment that she took him by the wrist and yanked him across the threshold.

“What do you need?”

“Bathroom,” was all he said. And then Steve swapped his-wrist-in-hers for her-wrist-in-his and he pulled her further into her own house, toward the second-floor bathroom. When they reached it, Robin plopped down on the floor with her back against the tub while Steve took up his position with his back pressed up against the toilet bowl.

“What happened?” She whispered.

Steve was silent for a long stretch of time. He turned his head to the side, as though he was trying to look out of the small frosted window high up on the wall beside him. “He doesn’t want me.”

“Who? What? What are you talking about, Steve?”

Steve turned back to face her. “Eddie. He doesn’t want me.” Steve no longer sounded sad—he sounded vacant.

Robin’s nose scrunched up like she’d smelled something wrong, because that didn’t make sense. Robin might not be good at clocking other gay people—she wasn’t that good at reading people, period—but it’s not like Eddie’s flirting with Steve had been subtle. And even beyond that, he was always looking at Steve while he was asleep in the hospital bed, in a way that Robin thought meant something… There was just no way that Eddie didn’t have at least a little bit of a crush on Steve, right? So what had he said to make Steve so certain about that he didn’t? “How d’you know that?”

Steve laughed, half-hysterical, as he tipped his head back onto the lid of the toilet. “He said it didn’t mean anything—the flirting.” Steve wiped a hand clear across the length of his face—chin to forehead—before digging his fingers into his hair. He laughed again. Or—it was more a puff of air, than anything else. And there was definitely no humor behind it. Just a bitter kind of resignation. “And then—he said—he told me he was gay, but that he just wanted me to know that it doesn’t mean he’s interested in me.” Steve covered his face with both hands and let out a broken sob. “God, he and Nance should compare notes.”

Robin could feel the lines carving an angry space between her eyebrows, and a fire in her heart. How dare he? Maybe Robin had misread Eddie's whole vibe toward Steve—but how dare he just trample all over and discard his heart like that? It didn’t make sense—but it was happening, and she had to fix it, because no one was allowed to break her other half. 

“Hey Stevie?” She asked, trying to keep her tone light.

“Yeah?”

“Where do you keep your little nail bat nowadays?”

🎸🎸🎸

Let it not be said that Eddie Munson didn’t know how to pull off a top-tier wallow. Ozzy’s pleading vocals were pouring out the speakers, while Eddie was laid star-fished out on the mattress, staring at the ceiling like it might give him answers, and torturing himself with the memory of Steve Harrington biting into the tail of a hell-bat.

Is it me or is it you?

Things are so much different now

But nothing lasts forever

He really should have known that whatever kind of rapport he and Harrington had going was too good to be true. Once a rich dickhead jock, always a rich dickhead jock, right? He almost felt bad thinking that. But what else was he supposed to think? The second Steve Harrinton had found out he was gay he’d turned his back on him. That was pretty cut and dry.

A loud banging at the trailer door cut through his thoughts and over the sound of Ozzy singing looks and glances can't repair, talking could if we'd just dare.

Eddie had half a mind to just ignore it, but there were even odds that it was one of the UD Crew as it was a member of Hawkins’ resident angry mob. So Eddie peeled himself off the bed, leaving Ozzy blaring behind him, and yanked open the door. “What—?” He started, but came up short when he registered an absolutely livid Robin Buckley staring back at him.

Eddie hadn’t thought to take into consideration the idea that the person at the door might be a UD Crew member taking up the role of angry mob members. But Robin Buckley was standing on his stoop looking half-ready to commit a murder. The second the door was open, she shoved past him and into the trailer.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Munson?”

“Wh-what are you talking about, Buckley?” Covering his face with a piece of hair wasn’t enough—he wanted to melt into the floor. Had Steve really sent Robin to beat him up for being gay? That was some next level gymnastics in avoiding making physical contact with another man so that you don't seem gay.

Robin yanked at her hair and started pacing around the common area, glaring daggers into the floor (but thankfully not at him). “What am I talking about, he asks! You really are a medical grade idiot, aren’t you?”

“I—”

“No, shut up, I don’t want to hear it.” Robin abruptly swung around on her heel to rush at him and jab a finger into his chest. “You broke Steve’s heart. And I don’t care if you were never into him—because I know that you can’t help who you like, or love—but you had no right to be so fucking cruel about it!”

A penny dropped.

“Robin. What are you talking about?”

Steve was heartbroken? That didn’t make any sense. He should have been relieved, he should have—

Robin laughed, hysterical, and threw her hands into the air. “I am talking about the fact that you told my best friend who has been pining over you for fucking weeks that all of the very obvious flirting you’ve been doing ‘didn’t mean anything,’ and that you just had to let him know that you weren’t interested in him specifically.” Robin paused to take a deep breath and kept barreling on. “And I get not wanting to lead someone on, Eddie—but even I know that was the least tactful way you could have gone about letting him down.”

Eddie shook his head, backing up toward the nearest wall like a cornered animal, because what Robin was saying didn’t make any sense. “I— I don’t—I mean, I do like him. I thought he didn’t like me! I thought he was straight!”

That brought Robin up short. Her shoulders remained set into a tense line, and her brow was still furrowed in distrust, but some of the unrelenting ire slipped away. “You didn’t—? Did he not—? What the fuck, Stevie!” The last part Robin muttered under her breath.

“Did he not, what, Buckley?”

“He didn’t ask you out?”

“No. What? Was he planning to?”

“Yes, numb nuts! Steve’s been trying to ask you out for weeks! I mean I guess mostly this past week—but that’s because before then he’d just been trying to beam the knowledge directly into your head through your thick skull.”

“Oh, shit.” Eddie’s heart dropped into his stomach as the full ramifications of what he’d said caught up to him.

“Yeah, ‘oh, shit,’ Munson.”

“Buckley—” Eddie rushed over to clap both of his hands onto Robin’s shoulders. “Robin. I’ve gotta fix this.”

Robin rolled her eyes. They were still creased at the corners, but the rest of her seemed to have softened a bit. “Yeah, you do,” she said—all low and serious. “You’re gonna have to fucking grovel.”

Eddie nodded. “Can you help me?”

Robin narrowed her eyes at him. “Yes.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But let me make one thing fucking clear, Munson: I am doing this for Steve, not you, capiche? You put one toe out of line and I’ll go to the Wheeler house and grab one of Nancy’s guns.”

Eddie held up his hands in placating surrender. “Message received, loud and clear.”

Robin nodded, satisfied.

Eddie grinned back. “Let’s go get my man.”

there is now a part two!

[scintillyyy]

Tim drake for the headcanon ask game please

tim tim my beloved tim <3

Headcanon A:  realistic

the first time tim lost a tooth, the tooth fairy did accidentally forget to come. the second time tim lost a tooth, the tooth fairy gave him $500 and a playstation along with a very long letter of apology.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

the first time tim visits the farm, kon is so prepared to roast him over his inability to do basic farm chores and laugh at him when he gets attacked by a chicken. he's absolutely outraged when tim not only apparently already knows how to milk a cow, he also seems to be some sort of chicken whisperer--the little monsters always chase kon around, but they immediately take a shine to tim, who manages to picks one up without a care in the world. tim is extremely smug about this, and when kon asks him where he learned how to do this, tim just says with a smirk "oh, one of my boarding schools was big into doing everything organic and teaching kids personal responsibility, so we had an on-campus farm we took care of together. did i forget to mention that?"

(kon gets his due, though, when tim passes out from the heat while they're detasseling corn. he flew too close to the sun on the whole "oh, of course i can handle this" from his past experience with crop raising, not taking into account the 85 degree kansas weather in july)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

the last time he spent together with both his parents was when they came home for about a month and a half for his 13th birthday. it was a great time at first--for tim's birthday they went to the museum, had dinner at their local favorite pizza place, and went out to get ice cream for dessert. jack and janet were even talking about wanting to reduce their traveling and think about where they'd pick to stay if they were to live more permanently in gotham--jack said that the mooney towers penthouse was the biggest, janet strongly preferred the idea of the downtown condo so they were within walkable distance of everything. tim didn't want to get his hopes up, but they were even looking at the local schools for a possible transfer, which they had never done before. they were happy for a few weeks, not fighting. but at the very end of july, jack got talked into buying a really ostentatious art piece as an investment (but was actually a massive waste of money) & janet was livid at what she felt was his reckless and irresponsible spending which set off another round of fighting, first over finances which then led into disagreements about the company. any plans to stay in gotham were off the table & they dropped tim off at boarding school come mid-august before they left yet again. his parents apologized for their fighting and said they'd be home for christmas. tim just said "sure, whatever" and slammed the door behind him.

tim felt bad, that night. no matter how mad he was, he should have told his parents he loved them before they left. he promised he would the next time they called. but the next time they called ended up being right as he was about to go leave to train with bruce for the weekend--and he ended up choosing to go train instead of take the call, figuring that training for robin was more important this time & there was always next time. his mom left a message saying she was sorry & that she loved him & maybe they could revisit the whole settling down in gotham more once they got home from this trip. next time never happened, the trip got extended and diverted to haiti. tim never forgave himself for missing his last chance to tell his mother he loved her. he shouldn't have counted on next time.

years later, when his dad calls, he knows he needs to say he loves his dad. he knows if he doesn't, he'll regret it forever, like he missed his chance with his mom. he still can't get the words out. he'll be able to tell his dad next time--because there has to be a next time.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

tim's always had a soft spot for vicki vale--he saved her along with bruce the night of his mother's funeral. he finds her attempts at unmasking him humorous more than anything. after she figures out bruce's secret & becomes batman inc's official reporter, tim keeps showing up in her window as red robin to pass along messages of what stories to report & to pass along any complaints bruce has about the articles she's already done. he grows to like her even more when she rolls her eyes and motherfucks bruce under her breath now that she's getting the whole bruce experience. he takes the opportunity to be a little shit by requesting her as a reporter for neon knights related things & she has to grit her teeth as he plays up the wide-eyed enthusiastic trust fund baby who is clearly teasing her. he always steals her ice cream, like a little shit.

[thinkpink212]

The Thinkpink Guide To a Pretty Pink Soft Life - Setting the tone for 2024

Hello lovelies, we've entered November and have one more month to go before we officially reach 2024! This time last year I sat down and wrote out the goals I now have fully compleated through manifestation, dedication and persistance. I've been asked before how I did it, so here is how.

1. It is important to have the mindset of a believer. More importantly, you must be a believer in you. Belive that you can and will have everything you desire simply because you desire it. You are the univers expanding, creating and experiencing itsefl. Once you believe, as well as trust in your abilities, vision(s) and start honoring yourself - You will become who you want to be (which is who you already are, just not yet)

Once your mindset is shifted, you need to get down to the specifics.

2. The Four Seasons - Work with nature, never against her. One of the reasons why I felt so sucessfull achieving my goals were the way they were divided. I had 3 major and minor goals for the whole year. These goals were centered around what would further me towards the life I wanted, with the seasons in mind divided into 4 phases. I wanted to factor in changing weather, possible shifting mood's, hollidays and much more to avoid any distraction or change of plans due to seaosn.

Examples

A. Major Goal was to graduate Massage School -> Lead to more financial abundance, freedome due to being more in control of my schedule etc. This had a deadline as school had a start and an end. It required dedication for studying, funds, and also for me to find a job afterwards. Took 8 months and three weeks exactly. B. Minor Goal Finish decorating my bedroom, in the home I had manifested -> Led to a safe, comfortable and tranquil enviorment that was costumized to my liking and need. Boosted my mood, as I had a sanctuary. This had no deadline, so it felt like a fun activity where it required funds, patience and selectivness. Took me 11 months to get 85% of what I wanted for my room. It is considered acomplished even though I may add more in the future, C. Summer is a time we want to let loose, have fun and be outside, so my goal of writing everyday felt easy enough untill the sun was calling my name everyday to go enjoy it. So, I implimented writing 30min daily, where any 30min not spend would be allocated to days were I did not have plans within that same week. Once I had to write for 3 hours (which I did) but never again did I skip my 30min. Most of it occured during late evenings as it was when I was already back home, few distractions and so on. - A habit I created was writing on public transport. The 13min back and forth was no longer spend scrolling but instead editing, writing, brainstorming etc.

3. Be selective and prepare for temporary sacrafices. Being real with yourself to choose what you truly want to dedicate the whole year to is crucial for a great year. Sometimes what we want can be stacked/combined. The more selective you are with your goals, and your words, the less things you put on your Goals list and can potentially transfer those to your Phase overview. put on your overall list of achievments. And be prepared to sacrafice time, habits and other pleasures that need to be paused for you to get to where you need to be.

Example; Major Goal 1 -> to become Financial Stable Phase 1 (January through March) -> Start Education / Courses that will alloow higher earning. -> Get a side husstle or main job earning x amount. -> Stay on budget of x amount weekly/monthly

4. Remind yourself of who tf you are Staying on track is easy while the spark is there, but after a few weeks, months, maybe even a season, sometimes that spark can start to seem like a tiny flame in the dark. Remind yourself of who you are becoming through moodboard, playlists, friends you trust who you can openly talk about your moves without fear of evil-eyes. Staying motivated is important as that is your fuel, so do what you need to keep your eyes on the prize. I personally made a pinterest board for each month, made sure to change my background to the focal of the Phase I was in, listen to the same three playlists whenever I got down. Journaling And I had an amazing tight circle of friends I would talk to about my moves.

5. Faileur is not a word you know - Rejection is redirection I do not recognize faileur, instead, I see it as the universes way to tell you you've chosen the wrong brick path and need to go left or right instead. So get up, dust yourself off and get to it. Sometimes life happens, so remind yourself that you can call it, go to bed and try again tomorrow. And I would like to emphesis on the fact that you do not have to start in January. You can rest then and start during the Astrological New Year (Aries season) and move in allignment with the Astral Plain rather then our sociatal concept of time. Just never give up, regroup and redirect.

Lastly, if you find yourself done before the year is over (like myself), spend that time further enjoying the fruits of your labor and give yourself a round of applause. Never forget that all is possible, you are a creator so create your reality even if it takes a little elbowgreese till you get the hang of it!

Goodluck to you all <3

[wonderland-smile-stories]

Future talk

Here is a part of a draft for a fanfic I’m writing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look to the side when I heard movement coming from beside me.

"You alright?" Hyun-su's’ head turned to me probably not thinking I would be in here with him.

"Yeah." His voice was soft just like always, but I could also hear a little bit of shock in it.

I nodded my head while he sat against the pillar behind him.

"It sounded like you had a bad dream. Those are the worst honestly." I said taking my flashlight from beside me.

He nodded his head before looking down at his hands. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to find a way to make this situation better, but who was I kidding? He's slowly turning into a monster while he's being used as a dog to do the dirty work while risking his life and what did he get in return? Being locked up in a dark room.

I cleared my throat before speaking up.

"Now that your roommate is gone I thought you could use some company." I gave him a small smile when he looked up at me.

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

I let out a laugh shaking my head.

"No offense Hyun-su, but you're 1, 85 meters, tall made off just skin and bones, and wear two different types of socks. I'm sorry that you don't strike fear into me." A little smile came to his face before he looked down at his hands.

"Besides why would I be afraid knowing you wouldn't hurt me, even if you turn?"

"How are you so sure about that?"

When he looked back up his eyes met mine and for a second it was hard to breathe.

I trust him.

I truly do.

I have lived my whole life with monsters around me. I was unhappy and ready to just take my life away to end the pain for good. But with Hyun-su I feel safe. I don't know why maybe because we have been through a lot together. I know I have known Ji-su, Eun-yu, Eun-hyuk, and the others longer than him, but I don't have the same safe feeling as I have with him.

Don't get me wrong I feel okay and safe with them too, but it's just different with him.

"Because you're you. And I know you wouldn't want anyone to get hurt because you're a person with a big heart." His eyes didn't move away from mine the whole time.

It was the longest he had held eye contact with me. I try to read his face about what he was thinking. I hope he was okay with my answer I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Finally, he snapped out of his thoughts and quickly looked away from me.

"Well, you're the only one thinking that." He mutters out.

I let out a sigh knowing that he was somewhat right.

"Not everyone are like those cowards. I'm pretty sure the others will change over time when they see you're not dangerous." I hope I was right. But are all going to survive that long to see it?

"Or you could  go with plan B?" I said making him look at me confused.

"Running away from here. Surviving out there instead of being locked up in here." I said looking around the room.

I didn't mind it here, to be honest. It's quiet and piece full.

"On my own?" I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't mind coming with you and I'm pretty sure I know a person or two who would like to tag along." Ji-su would definitely come and if she would go I'm pretty sure Jea-heon would follow too. Eun-yu would go in a heartbeat, but would she leave her brother behind? She says she hates him, but I question if she telling the truth.

I don't even know if Eun-hyuk would let her leave.

He would probably lock her up here for her own good or if she really wanted to go I'm sure he would too.

[wisteria-lodge]

SORTING DISNEY LADIES (1995-1998)

Part 1 - Disney Ladies 1937-1985

Part 2 - Disney Ladies 1988-1993

I’m going in chronological order, and doing both A Squad and B Squad, because I’m interested in tracking how the ideal “disney girl” has changed in the past 85 years (right now I’m only looking at the human-shaped heroines of Disney animated theatrical releases) A more detailed break-down of the system I’m using is right here, but the basics are these: 

PRIMARY (ie MOTIVE) 

BADGER ~ Loyal to the group.

SNAKE ~ Loyal to yourself and your Important People.

LION ~ Subconscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to feelings and instincts. 

BIRD ~ Conscious Idealist. Ideals are linked to built systems and external facts. 

SECONDARY (ie METHOD) 

BADGER ~ Connect with the group. Make allies, work steadily and well. Be whatever the situation calls for. If you find a locked door, knock.

SNAKE ~ Connect with the environment. Notice things. Tell people what they want to hear. If you find a locked door, get in through the window.

BIRD ~ Collect skills, tools, knowledge, personas, useful friends. If you find a locked door, track down the key or learn to pick the lock.

LION ~ Be honest, be direct, speak your truth. Either the obstacle is going down or you are. If you find a locked door, kick it in.

POCAHONTAS (1995)

(& John Smith)

Pocahontas is an incredibly loud Lion Primary. Marrying Kocoum is the good choice, the responsible choice, the right choice - she knows this - but she just can’t do it. It feels wrong. She “goes wherever the wind takes her,” accompanied by the swirling leaves that are a kind of physical manifestation of her primary, since they match up so perfectly with the compass. (Classic Lion primary metaphor - see also Jack Sparrow.) When Pocahontas doesn’t know what to do she dreams of the confusing “spinning arrow,” but when she does... that arrow points straight in one direction and she just goes. She “listens with her heart”  to the degree that it gives her superpowers.

It’s tempting to say she’s a Lion secondary too. She enjoys whitewater rafting and BASE jumping, which I guess are activities stereotypically associated with Lion secondaries. Also, the climax of the movie does involve her physically flinging herself across John Smith’s body. BUT her big song (“Colors of the Wind”) is just so, so, SO Bird secondary. John Smith isn’t getting it, and so Pocahontas’ response is - let me explain my worldview, show you, you clearly don’t have all the information. She’s a problem-solving Bird. Pocahontas’ first instinct when the English arrive is to investigate from the shadows, with two animal sidekicks that represent Curiosity and Caution. (Which is perfect, because is that not what a Bird secondary is? Observe, assess, plan.) Pocahontas is also convinced that there must be some perfect way of explaining her situation to the rest of her tribe that will make them get it. In her eyes, the problem is again that they don’t have all the information. This is almost a Bird secondary compulsion.

As for John Smith, well. His arc is about shifting his definition of “Person” to include everyone he categorized as “savages” early in the film. That’s very Badger primary character development, and John Smith is very Badger primary. He loves being part of a group, he loves his men, and the fact that he doesn’t really belong anywhere bothers him. The implication is that he keeps going to all these “New Worlds” trying to find one where he fits. It’s a cool bit of costume design that he’s the only one in Spanish armor - like maybe he did a similar trip with the Spanish conquistadors a few years ago. And it’s gutsy that his ‘I want’ song (“Mine”) is literally a duet with the villain. Like, sure John Smith and Governor Ratcliffe don’t like each other, but they start off with pretty similar politics.

I like that at the end John isn’t accepted into the Powhatan tribe or something. He finds personal peace by redefining his own community, and gaining a broader perspective on the world. HE is absolutely a Lion secondary though: really straightforward, cannot lie, and always solves problems by throwing himself physically at them. Pocahontas only does that the once, after her Bird secondary strategy - trying to reason people around to her point of view - didn’t work.

ESMERALDA (1996)

(& Quasimodo, Claude Frollo, Phoebus)

At first Esmeralda seems like she might also be a Lion primary. She’s the revolutionary, she stands up on platforms and yells things like “Justice!” Even through all the adaptational changes, the Victor Hugo soul of the story is still very much there, and he loves a Lion primary. But… that’s not really where Esmeralda is coming from. She cut Quasimodo’s bonds very specifically to try and change the vibe of the room - “Letting the crowd torture that poor boy? I thought if one person could stand up to him…” And that’s a Badger primary motive. Esmeralda has deep roots in her outsider community, and being separate from them (trapped in the cathedral) is very, very bad for her. 

But then she brings Notre Dame itself into her community. Esmeralda goes up to the statue of Mary, the cathedral's patron, and says, “Still I see your face and wonder / if you were once an outcast too.” Once she does that, the ‘outcast’ bellringer of Notre Dame and even the building itself start fighting for her. It’s important that Esmeralda’s ‘I want’ song has nothing up to do with her at all. “God Help the Outcasts” is about helping her community - the outcasts. We get lines like “I ask for nothing, I can get by / for I know so many less lucky than I” which are all about Badger primary need-basing. Esmeralda consistently goes to whoever needs her help the most, doesn’t matter if she knows them or not. And her way of helping Quasi is to give him a map of the city that brings him straight to her Community. 

It’s nice to pair this very understanding, inclusive Badger primary with basically a Jack Sparrow secondary. Esmeralda likes disguises. She likes improvising weapons. She improvises her escapes, and comes up with stuff as she goes along. She also has a lot of faces that are all equally her. She is the sexy pole dancer. She is also the grounded, spiritual earth mother, and when her primary requires it, she’s the revolutionary too.

If you put the weird tonal mismatch that is the gargoyles to one side, this film has a really elegant little structure. There are three men who are in love with Esmeralda: Quasimodo, Claude Frollo and Phoebus. And it’s subtly done, but Quasi and Frollo both dehumanize her - Frollo by only seeing her sexy side and deciding she’s a demon temptress, and Quasi by only seeing her more motherly side and deciding she’s an angel. I always thought it was interesting that “Heaven’s Light” and “Hellfire” - Quasi and Frollo’s songs about Esmeralda - are back to back, with similar titles, even the same track on the soundtrack. They’re almost a duet, and I think it’s a way of showing that there are two ways to make someone inhuman. (In a movie that is SO interested in the idea of what makes someone inhuman.) And then Phoebus just sees Esmeralda as… this cool chick, with a great sense of humor and some sweet moves, who he’d like to get to know better. Of course she goes with him. 

Frollo, Phoebus and Quasi are ALL Lion secondaries (no wonder they butt heads.) It’s harder to tell with Quasi, because his secondary is so ridiculously Burnt, and only wakes up once his Snake primary finds something to latch onto that isn’t Frollo… which takes him most of the movie. Phoebus has a very straightforward Paragon Lion primary that seems to match up with Esmeralda’s Badger, and Frollo, oh man. Frollo has the most twisted Bird primary imaginable. He has a belief system that is impossible to live up to, so - instead of maybe questioning that - he blames Esmeralda? Or he blames God? for making Esmeralda too tempting for him to resist? and so therefore it’s not his fault? He’s a Bird Primary who consistently fails at following his system, and deep down he knows it. That’s why he’s so scared of the actual Notre Dame cathedral, why it keeps hurting him, and why it ultimately kills him. He cannot look those statues in the face, he cannot look at the system he tells himself he follows better than anyone else.

(Inspector Javert of Les Mis is also a Bird Lion villain. Big Victor Hugo trope.)

MEGARA “MEG” (1997)

(& Hades)

Meg is the example I would use to illustrate a Burnt Snake primary. She sold her soul (gave up everything) for her boyfriend, he left her, and now she doesn’t think it’s safe to love like that again. “Look I learned my lesson, okay? I’ve sworn off man handling.” Meg won’t let herself trust anyone: “He comes in with this big handsome farm boy act, but I can see though that in a Peloponnesian minute.” It’s because she doesn’t trust herself: “If there’s a prize for rotten judgement / I guess I’ve already won that.” 

Her only connection in the world is Hades, this weird and kind of compelling combination of bitchy best friend and shady producer who’s trapped her in a bad five-record deal. They are both similar flavors of Snake secondary, which is how they they can be antagonistic… but still kinda get each other, and work well together. They both enjoy sitting in a kind of blunt Neutral, but get things done by being charmers - creatively telling the truth, and switching approaches quickly in order to to figure out what resonates best with the person they're talking to.

We see Meg use Hercules’ fan girls as a smokescreen to sneak into his villa, and then talk him into playing hooky and having a night on the town. After which, she falls into his arms with her line about “weak ankles” as a way to get him to get him talking about potential weaknesses. But of course, she catches feelings and her big song “I Won’t Say I’m In Love,” is a nice little portrait of a Snake primary unBurning. Meg goes from not trusting herself at all, to deciding that… maybe it could be different this time. 

And this is where Hades misreads Meg, which is ultimately his downfall. He assumes that Meg is a Lion primary like he is. Because Hades is (a bit of a narcissist) and a huge Glory Hound Lion. He hates that he got the shitty assignment, hates that things are “a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey - full of dead people." He wants to be the top dog, he wants to be Zeus. So he offers Meg freedom. That's what a Lion primary like him would want more than anything, were he in her position. But Meg’s not a Lion. She’s a Snake. So we get exchanges like this:

HADES. Hear that? It’s the sound of your freedom, fluttering away. MEG. I don’t care. I won’t do anything to hurt him.

And Hades just does not see that coming. 

FA MULAN (1998) 

 (& Fa Zhou, Mushu, Li Shang, Shan Yu)

So my question is... why does Mulan run away and join the army? Get the obvious answer out of the way - it's not “to uphold the family honor."

FA ZHOU. It is an honor to protect my country and my family. MULAN.  So you’ll die for honor?

Fa Zhou is definitely a Badger primary, and Mulan… isn’t. She doesn’t get it. He’s not speaking her language. But she clearly loves her dad, and the next explanation we get is that she did it all to protect him. However, at her lowest and most vulnerable she says - “Maybe I didn’t go for my father. Maybe I went to prove that I could do things right.” That’s an interesting shift. Now the issue isn’t with why she acts, it’s with how she acts. Which means Mulan’s internal conflict isn't coming from her primary, it's coming from her secondary.

This is where we start getting into gender and gender performance. There is a lot of Badger secondary in this movie, and it’s all framed as female (Mulan's mom and grandmother are both Badger secondaries, for example.) There’s also a lot of Lion secondary, which is framed as male. (Fa Zhou, Li Shang, and Shan Yu are all Lions.) And Mulan… tries both options, and fails both times. She gets into a huge amount of trouble trying to be the quiet, caretaking bride at the matchmaker’s, and just as much trouble trying to be the brash, fight-starting Ping at the camp. 

Then we have Mushu, who is Mulan's Lion secondary coach… despite not being a Lion secondary himself. He wants to be - disgraced failure Mushu is introduced trying to breathe fire and shake awake the bigger, tougher Great Stone Dragon. He’s trying to seem like an intense Lion when he is happiest and most effective doing a more Badger secondary thing. He comforts Mulan, makes her breakfast, carefully forges letters, wins her allies and generally gets… maternal (“my little baby is all grown up and saving China.”) This is a smart movie, and in a very light, comedic way… it’s saying that Mulan is not the only one self-sabotaging because of gender presentation roles.

So Mulan tries to be a Badger, which doesn’t work. She tries to be a Lion, which doesn’t work. And eventually, of course, realizes that she was a clever, inventive Bird secondary all along. We are introduced to her while she's making little gadgets to do her chores, and when she taps into that she becomes powerful. She is able to figure out a way to use the handicap weights to climb the post and reach the arrow, and defeat Shan Yu’s army by starting an avalanche. She even finds time to plan during the heavily improvised final battle in the palace. Mulan coordinates a two-pronged attack, luring Shan Yu up onto the roof, where she knows Mushu is already in place with a rocket.

As for why she does things… Mulan has an intrinsic inner truth, and just wants to project that truth out into the world. She’s a Lion primary who wants to “be myself” be “true to [her] heart,” and not hide. “When will my reflection show who I am inside?” Lion primaries will get hit especially hard with that kind of identity angst. 

And to round out the sorting for this film (which really holds up) - Mushu is probably a Lion primary like Mulan, which is why he gets where she’s coming from. He starts off as a bit of an immature “stage mom” Glory Hound Lion, but gets better. Shang is definitely a Loyalist, probably a young Badger primary. (I think Mulan just likes Badger Lions, her dad is one too.) Shang is very group-orientated, wants to be “the leader of China’s finest troops - no, the greatest troops of all time!” He's also, to be honest, kind of Establishment. Shang has a much harder time getting his head around Girl!Ping then Mulan’s more Snakey buddies, and ultimately needs an authority figure to tell him to cut it out. And Shan Yu, the film’s comment on toxic masculinity, seems like an Exploded Lion primary. He gives his motivation in the first scene- “[the Emperor] invited me. By building his wall he challenged my strength.” Which means that - with the single exception of Hades... all the guys in this wave have been masculine-coded Lion secondaries, and the heroines aren't girly Badgers, but the cool "third option" - Birds or Snakes.

Tl;dr

Pocahontas ~ Lion / Bird (occasional Lion model) 

John Smith ~ Badger / Lion 

Esmeralda ~ Badger / Snake

Quasimodo ~ Snake / Burnt Lion

Phoebus ~ Paragon Lion / Lion 

Claude Frollo ~ Burnt Bird / Lion 

Megara ~ Burnt Snake / Snake

Hades ~ Immature Lion / Snake

Fa Mulan ~ Lion / Bird (unhealthy “girl coded” Badger performance) (unhealthy “boy coded” Lion performance)  

Fa Zhou ~ Badger / Lion

Mushu ~ Immature Lion that matures / Badger (unhealthy Lion performance)

Li Shang ~ Badger / Lion

Shan Yu ~ Exploded Lion / Lion

(art credit to Cursed Concepts for the beautiful pins I have used to illustrate this post.)

[fayeandknight]

I've been trying to write this post all week but it's such a jumbled mess I figured I'd start over. While it is service dog related, it really more of an attempt to figure out navigating life as a disabled person in a very visible way.

I recently received a wedding invitation from my cousin for October. My sister also recently got engaged and is full force wedding planning. While I am very happy for both couples, I know whatever decision I make about cousin's wedding will be linked in my family's mind to sister's wedding.

And that decision is basically whether or not I will bring Forte in a working capacity.

The first, and most important, question is can he successfully work such an event? If his progress continues the way it has been, I do think the answer is yes. If, for any reason, I think the answer is no I won't take him.

But how do I approach possibly bringing him? Do I reach out to cousin and let them know I am planning to bringing Forte? Do I give them the option to say if they are okay with him being there? If I don't bring him I'd probably need to leave shortly after the actual wedding. At best I could maybe handle an hour of the reception before needing to leave to avoid suffering repercussions publicly.

If I do reach out to say that, how do I do so without it sounding like an ultimatum? Because I don't want it to come across as 'let me bring my dog or I'm not staying for your reception'. It's just facts, I can't handle being there that long without assistance from my SD. (As far as task training, Forte is probably about 85% fully trained. There's one or two we're still polishing up bu he does have the skills I would need.)

I can already hear my mother getting upset at the idea of my bringing him. That I would be taking attention away from the couple. That I've been to weddings before without a dog. That it's just one night. Etc. Ad nasm.

And I know this will stem from a) her feelings about my bringing an SD to my sister's future wedding and b) my family's persistent mindset of my disabilities not being truly disabling because it's not visibly obvious to them. They don't count the days after major events that I spend holed up recovering. Or my having a breakdown, or my literally fleeing in a full on flight mode panic, or whatever as my being disabled. It's just me being dramatic.

I'm already planning to not stay the full night or book a hotel room. It's only about an hour drive home. However I cannot safely (for myself and everyone else on the road) make that drive if I don't leave before things get bad. And I'm historically bad at accurately identifying/mitigating things before they get bad. That is a huge part of what Forte does for me.

So what do I do?

Part of me just wants to bring Forte (if I deem him capable of working) and not say anything. To avoid any pushback before hand by not informing people. But I fear an in the moment confrontation if I just show up with him. Plus I have a strong sense of fairness and do feel it would be unfair not to at least give the couple a heads up.

Service Dogs get a lot of attention, particularly when they are in places people don't expect to see a dog. I don't want to cause a scene by having him, or at least not take any steps to mitigate said scene.

Maybe if I approach cousin with it before hand word can be spread that someone with a service dog will be in attendance and to just ignore the dog? It won't save me from all unwanted attention but at least it won't be a complete shock to everyone?

In a lot of ways, I'm a very new handler learning how to navigate life with such a visual marker of my disabilities when previously I've flown under the radar.

Faye primarily worked for me when I wasn't in frequent contact with family and then the height of the pandemic. So I know how to handle complete strangers. But it feels different with people I know, particularly those I know but am not that close to.

Ugh.

I feel so much stress about it and I wish I could just put the whole matter to bed as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Anyway if you made it this far here's a picture of Forte from agility practice. He is in alert stand by mode because I've been needing him a lot lately due to the stress of this situation.

[mirageofficial]

𖤐 ⤸ ₊ ִ ˚ ࣪ ˖ MIRAGE is a group that consists of five members that is managed under KQ ENTERTAINMENT. the quintet is well-known for being kq’s first ever girl group, and the company’s first act since the debut of the boy group, ATEEZ. the company initially planned for the group to be rap-centric, but many potential candidates for the final lineup showed that this would be hard to accomplish. so, with their final debut in february 2020, the lineup ended up featuring nari ,, eunae ,, xepher ,, nako ,, and arin as a k-pop act with no officially confirmed positions — only ones given by fans. the group’s debut mini album, LUCID DREAMING : LEVEL1, was a viral success online due to the group’s catchy choreography and intricate visage thanks to the video direction of the tracks, BLACK MAMBA, LUCID DREAM, & NEXT LEVEL. as their name + lore suggests, their concept explores illusions, time traveling, & also displays a battle of resisting temptation with a sound that never remains in the same genre per comeback.

⩇﹒⺌ more below the cut﹒﹗﹒

mirage was originally meant to be managed under DOOMSDAY RECORDS, a new subsidiary label from kq that would be launched with the group’s debut. but, the new label was scrapped in order to ensure the new group had enough funding to present eye-catching content in the future. aside from 3/5 being main lyricists, the group is 85% fluent in english, and often add not only english versions of title tracks but also original songs for international fans. they’ve been releasing english songs since their second comeback, presenting listeners with the b-side RE-LAPSE + english versions of their songs WANNA-BE and A LITTLE DIFFERENT. other english songs (both variants and originals) include STARLIGHT ,, TIPTOE ,, LOCO ,, LOVE ME / LEAVE ME ,, & THE HAPPIEST GIRL. due to their popularity around the world, there’s speculation that the group will release an english project before a japanese one.

the group is known for a unique lineup for a multitude of reasons, but the biggest one of all is due to their third youngest member (1999) being the group leader — this is because the oldest member and los angeles-born, nari, was born in 1996 & is also one of the oldest artists under kq. xepher was crowned leader not for her training time, but for being the company’s first female trainee with leadership qualities. when counting the longest training time, former PLEDIS ENTERTAINMENT trainee + maknae, arin, started in early 2013 and was on produce 48 prior to joining kq in 2017.

the members were revealed without further announcements in age order, they were called the KQ GIRLZ (the female version of KQ FELLAZ, a traditional pre-debut project) before their official name was confirmed. the lineup caused a lot of commotion, as it included eunae, the younger sister of former PENTAGON member, jihun, and the former TOMORROW X TOGETHER member, SOUL. before txt, soul was one of the original kq trainees that were supposed to debut in ateez, but ended up getting signed by BIGHIT ENTERTAINMENT. she participated in only a handful of promotions for THE DREAM CHAPTER: STAR before dispatch exposed her newfound relationship with yuto from pentagon. she was already heavily disliked by most from the very start due to being the only female, and multiple sources predicted that after the downfall of GLAM many would try to sabotage her career before it had even begun. though bighit is rumored to cover up potential scandals of other artists before the public finds out, soul’s was not one of them. it certainly did ruin everything ahead, it would completely destroy her reputation + relationship with bighit — so she left both the group & company, disappearing from the public eye from may 2019 until february 2020. desperate to complete mirage and solidify a lineup, soul was signed back into kq despite her scandal & re-debuted under her birth name, nako. since returning right after eunae completed her training, both girls would become the final additions to the group’s roster.

today, mirage has become an example of a group becoming popular outside the big three companies, they are very vocal about trying to grow up, mature from past mistakes, and their strange yet close bond. with four EPs, a single album, and two full LPs, mirage is becoming a force to be reckoned with — and seemingly, very used to adapting to whatever life throws in front of them.

GROUP NAME ╱ mirage (신기루)

DEBUT DATE ╱ february 7, 2020

DEBUT RELEASE ╱ LUCID DREAMING : LEVEL1 (EP)

COMPANY ╱ KQ ENTERTAINMENT

MEMBER COUNT ╱ 5

FANDOM NAME ╱ promise

GREETING ╱ “looking for a miracle? hello, we are mirage!”

COLOR PALETTE ╱ quick silver (#9BA79D) + english lavender (#C17896)

DISCOGRAPHY ╱

— LUCID DREAMING : LEVEL1 [2020, mini album]

— TREASURE MAP : LEVEL2 [2020, mini album]

— THE QUEEN’S JEWELS : FINAL ROUND [2020, mini album]

— WE NEED LOVE [2021, single album]

— FESTIVAL [2021, first album]

— ONEIRIC [2022, mini album]

— THIS IS A MIRAGE [2022, second album]

— REBIRTH [2023, mini album]

— SUCKER PUNCH! [2023, first english album]

[1996 ; kim jiwon ; NARI] ╱ main dancer, lead vocalist, lead rapper, writer

[1998 ; jeon taryn ; EUNAE] ╱ main vocalist, lead dancer, sub-rapper, visual

[1999 ; shin ailee ; XEPHER] ╱ leader, main rapper, main dancer, sub-vocalist, writer, face of the group (performance)

[1999 ; kang nako ; NAKO] ╱ main rapper, lead vocalist, writer, face of the group (acting)

[2000 ; park arin ; ARIN] ╱ maknae, main vocalist, sub-rapper, main visual, face of the group (modeling)

SOUL'S OLD TAGLIST: @skzfairies @m00niesk7 (let me know if you’d like to remain on the taglist! or if you’re new, to just join!)

[ NOTE ] nako, formerly known as soul & is now a revamped oc, was originally going to be a standalone addition to TXT. as time went on, i felt like she would have more potential in a girl group!

[ausetkmt]

A New Orleans neighborhood confronts the racist legacy of a toxic stretch of highway

Hunter's Field Playground sits beneath the Claiborne Expressway in New Orleans on July 18, 2023. Opened nine years ago, the playground is one of the monitoring sites of a new EPA study on the health impacts of the expressway.

Drew Hawkins/Gulf States Newsroom

Aside from a few discarded hypodermic needles on the ground, the Hunter's Field Playground in New Orleans looks almost untouched. It's been open more than nine years, but the brightly-painted red and yellow slides and monkey bars are still sleek and shiny, and the padded rubber ground tiles still feel springy underfoot.

"Because kids are smart," explains Amy Stelly, an artist and urban designer who lives just over a block away on Dumaine Street. "It's the adults who aren't. It's the adults who built the playground under the interstate."

Hunter's Field is wedged directly beneath the elevated roadbeds of the I-10 Claiborne Expressway in the city's 7th Ward.

There are no sounds of laughter or children playing. The constant cuh-clunk, cuh-clunk of the traffic passing overhead makes it difficult to hold a conversation with someone standing next to you.

"I have never seen a child play here," Stelly says.

Stelly keeps a sharp eye on this area as part of her advocacy work with the Claiborne Avenue Alliance, a group of residents and business owners dedicated to revitalizing the predominantly African-American community on either side of the looming expressway.

For as long as she can remember, Stelly has been fighting to dismantle the Claiborne Expressway. She's lived in the neighborhood her entire life and says the noise is oftentimes unbearable.

Graduate student researcher Jacquelynn Mornay, with the LSU School of Public Health, shows a noise reading taken beneath the Claiborne Expressway on July 18, 2023, in New Orleans. The decibel levels are similar to that of a motorcycle engine and could cause permanent hearing damage after prolonged exposure. Drew Hawkins/Gulf States Newsroom hide caption

toggle caption

The Claiborne Expressway was built in the 1960s at a time when the construction of new interstates and highways were a symbol of progress and economic development in the U.S., and urban planning and transportation development were at the forefront of city agendas.

But that supposed progress often came at a great cost for marginalized communities — especially Black neighborhoods.

When it was built, the "Claiborne Corridor" as it's still sometimes known, tore right through the heart of Treme, one of the oldest Black neighborhoods in the country.

For more than a century before the construction of the expressway, bustling Claiborne Avenue constituted the backbone of economic and cultural life for Black New Orleans.

Then, the oak-lined avenue was home to more than 120 businesses. Today, there are only a few dozen left.

What happened to Claiborne Avenue isn't unique. Many of the highways that get us from point A to B have an unfortunate racist legacy.

Federal planners often routed highways directly through low income, Black and Brown neighborhoods, dividing communities and polluting the air.

This racist legacy extends all across the country. In Montgomery, Alabama, I-85 cut through the city's only middle-class Black neighborhood and was "designed to displace and punish the organizers of the civil rights movement," according to Rebecca Retzlaff, an associate community planning professor at Auburn University.

In Nashville, planners intentionally looped I-40 around a white community, and sent it plowing through a prominent Black neighborhood, knocking down hundreds of homes and businesses. The list goes on and on.

Recently, the federal government has stated it wants to try to address the problem. An initiative established in the Biden Administration's Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act called Reconnecting Communities seeks to do just that — reconnect neighborhoods and communities that were divided by infrastructure.

The problem is not everyone agrees on the best way to do that.

Competing visions for the Claiborne expressway

Communities, city and state agencies and organizations across the country submitted proposals seeking federal funding — including one from Stelly's group, the Claiborne Avenue Alliance. In many ways, their proposal seemed poised to succeed. It's a textbook example of the racist planning history — even the White House says so in a published statement on the program. But the Alliance's grant proposal was denied.

Instead, the city of New Orleans and the state of Louisiana jointly submitted a separate proposal, requesting that the federal program cover half the cost of a $95 million plan.

That plan wouldn't move the freeway out of the neighborhood, but would pay for repairs and maintenance work on the existing stretch of highway, and to try to spruce up the desolate area underneath the highway by building a public market and performance space.

Unlike the Claiborne Alliance's plan, that proposal was officially approved, but so far, the Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development has only received $500,000.

The city-state proposal does include some improvements that Stelly approves of, such as removing some of the dangerous on- and off-ramps that make it difficult for pedestrians to safely walk through the neighborhoods beneath the expressway. There are also proposed projects aimed at public safety, like better lighting and pedestrian and bicycle lanes.

Stelly calls the idea of creating an entertainment space and market beneath the highway — dubbed the "Claiborne Innovation District" — misguided and ridiculous.

"It's a foolish idea because you're going to be exposed to the same thing" as the neglected playground, Stelly says. "You're going to be exposed to the same levels of noise. It's not a wise decision to build anything under here."

Using science to inform policy

Although her group's proposal was denied, Stelly isn't giving up. She and her organization are turning to a new strategy: cooperating with a study on the health impacts caused by the expressway. They hope the data will support them in their efforts to remove the highway from their neighborhood.

Amy Stelly, an artist, urban designer and community activist, stands beneath the Claiborne Expressway on July 18, 2023. Stelly, who lives nearby, is working with the LSU School of Public Health on an EPA study of the noise and air pollution from the highway, and still supports moving this stretch of I-10 away from the historically black community.

Drew Hawkins/Gulf States Newsroom

These microscopic particles, measuring 2.5 microns or less in diameter, are released from the tailpipes of passing vehicles, according to Dr. Adrienne Katner, a professor at the LSU School of Public Health,who is managing the EPA study. They're so small that when you inhale them they lodge deeply in the lungs. From there, they can migrate to the circulatory system, and then spread and potentially affect every system in your body.

"So the heart, the brain," says Katner. "If a woman is pregnant, it can cross the placental barrier. So it has a lot of impacts."

The study is just getting started: Katner and her researchers are now taking preliminary readings with monitors at different points along the expressway. It will likely take two to three years to complete the study and publish the data.

One of the monitoring sites is Hunter's Field Playground. Graduate researcher Jacquelynn Mornay said the noise levels were as loud as a motorcycle engine up close and could cause permanent hearing damage after an hour or so of exposure. The pollution levels recorded hover around 18 micrograms per cubic meter.

"It should be at most, at most, 12," said Beatrice Duah, another graduate student researcher. "So it is way over the limits."

In addition to the playground, there are also homes and businesses lining the area beneath the expressway. The residents and employees are exposed daily to these levels of noise and pollution. While this EPA study is just getting started, it will join a decades-long body of research about how traffic pollution affects the human body. Katner doesn't expect any surprises from this particular stretch of I-10.

"We're not inventing the science here," Katner said. "All I'm doing is showing them what we already know and then documenting it, giving them the data to then inform and influence policy. That's all I can do."

'Removal is the only cure'

Eventually, these findings could help other communities divided by infrastructure across the country, Katner says.

"A lot of cities are going through this right now and they're looking back at their highway systems," she says. "They're looking back at the impacts that it's had on a community and they're trying to figure out what to do next. I'm hoping that this project will inform them."

Stelly isn't expecting any surprising findings either. She's always known the air she and her neighbors breathe isn't safe, she says, but she's hopeful that having concrete data to support her efforts will do more convince policy makers to address the problem. That could mean taking down the dangerous on-and-off ramps — or scrapping what she considers to be the wasteful idea of putting a market and event space under the highway overpass.

Still, there's only one true solution here for Stelly, only one way to really right the wrong done to her community.

"Removal is the only cure," Stelly says. "I'm insisting on it because I'm a resident of the neighborhood and I live with this every day. But the science tells us there's no other way."

[frostfairysteve]

au where steve met a boy at some business party his parents brought him to when he was like twelve and they instantly became friends and talk on the phone all the time but the other boy lives in canada

they start dating in the summer of '85 because steve is properly over nancy and with both having graduated they're trying to plan meeting again and somehow that leads to a relationship and steve wants to tell robin but how does he bring up that a) he likes both and b) has a boyfriend in canada without sounding like a) he's trying too hard to be closer to her since he didn't say anything when she came out and b) a liar

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 94. brb x oc

a/n: OHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IM TOO EXCITED FOR THESE CHAPTERS

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: FLUFF, bea and roos have the B talk, let the Rooster Bee wedding shenanigans COMMENCE!!

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64

65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73/74/75/76/77/78/79/80/81/82/83/84

85/86/87/88/89/90/91/92/93

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes

-

No one really elaborates how stressful organizing a wedding really is, between writing the guests’ names and making sure to figure out everyone’s food allergies and diets it was already enough to make both sweat.

But on the bright side, they managed to get a date! Their wedding would happen in September, which was a short time all things considered but the wedding planner - that planned Martha’s wedding as well - assured them it’d go over smoothly. It was a ballroom but the wedding ceremony itself would happen on the outside, on the smooth freshly cut grass in between the fruit trees that surrounded the orchard area. It was a huge place with a lot of space and a bit far from their house itself but it was big enough to handle everyone.

Since Bradley’s family was the Navy, he had a few other friends - from Virginia - coming over and Beatrice wasn’t going to invite everyone from her aunt’s wedding, so the number would be more than enough for a small yet comforting ceremony.

With that out of the way, which was stressful enough, they had to worry about the invitations, about the cake and about their outfits. He didn’t want to wear a uniform, he loved it, but he preferred to wear a tux instead for their wedding day. Beatrice however was having a bit of a hard time…while she had in mind what her dress would look like, finding one with her measurements and within the budget was hard.

The plus size store that she wanted to see had no options left,they were all either rented or bought so she tried every other bridal site there was. She wondered if Evelyn knew anyone who could help her? She didn’t mind renting the dress for the wedding, so maybe she knew some bridal designer she could talk to?

“I kinda want a lemon curd cake.” Bradley’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts, looking up from the laptop with the pen in her mouth, seeing her fiancé walk into the room after brushing his teeth, “Ohhh…better yet, dark chocolate meringue, that is also nice.”

Beatrice laughs, pulling the pen from between her teeth to write it down on the notepad by her side, the pilot sliding onto the bed next to her, “I’ll write that down, we can figure something out tomorrow.”

He hums in agreement, supporting his head on his hand and watching as the brunette continues clicking away on the open tabs, chewing her lower lip, “Any luck finding the dress?” she shakes her head, tapping away on the search bar to be even more specific, “You’ll find something, baby.”

“I hope so.” she laughs awkwardly, “I’d hate to get married to you wearing a long cardigan and an old summer dress.” she was joking but part of her feared that’s what it’d happen. She knew it’d be difficult to find a wedding dress her size, she had seen Say Yes to the Dress many times and knew how hard it was for plus size people to find something that fits their vision and their bodies.

She didn’t want to get discouraged, she refused to get discouraged, at the very least she’d talk to Evelyn and ask her if she knew any other places that could help her. There had to be more than one, right? Even if she had to travel to get it, she’d make the sacrifice. But the more the looked, the more she searched,all the could see were brides slimmer than she was and she started to chew her lower lip even harder.

And Bradley, who knew her exceptionally well by this point, noticed how that was worrying her, “Baby,” he calls, gently grabbing the laptop from her and making Beatrice blink his way, “We already did a lot today, time for bed.”

“But–”

“You’ll find a dress, call Evelyn, see if she knows anyone.” he flipped the laptop shut, standing up to put it on the futon by the end of the bed and returning to the bed where Beatrice remained, rubbing her hands together, “Baby, look at me.” she looked at him with a small frown, one that made his smile soften and his lips touch the little wrinkle between her brows, “It’ll be okay, gorgeous. We’ll figure something out…we are managing it so far, aren’t we?”

‘Yeah…we’ve been…really lucky.” she says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “From the venue to the wedding planner…it’s like it was meant to happen. I just hope I can find a dress that I like, you know?”

“You will.” he smiles, lying on the bed and giving her enough space for her head to touch his shoulder and chest, her hands tucked between his side and her cleavage, her lower lip jutted out just enough to make him smile down at her, “You’ll look beautiful. Even more than before.”

That makes her lips quirk in a little smile, “Yeah?”

“Are you kidding? Hell yeah.” he leans down to kiss the top of her head, “You’ll look amazing, I think it’s a good idea if I don’t see the dress either, you know? Heard it’s bad luck.”

Plus the element of surprise would be more than welcome for both of them. Not to mention her mother wouldn’t allow him to see her, she was very aware of that, the tradition on that part would be maintained. Since Beatrice was Catholic but hasn’t entered a church since she was seventeen and Bradley who while he believed in some higher power was pretty much Agnostic, they chose to have a non-religious wedding.

Were her parents…surprised? Yes. Would they stop it? No, because it was pretty obvious now that Brad was now an honorary Schiavoni that all they wanted was ‘grandchildren’. So to them, as long as they got married and had rings on their fingers they were okay with it, they could let that slide with the babies coming along the way. 

Beatrice hasn’t told Rooster about her mother’s…schemes…on making her more fertile, the teas, the herbs, the quiet prayers she’d whisper under her breath whenever she visited…and she wondered if she should tell Brad about that. Because her parents wouldn’t be subtle about it, at all.

But Beatrice was nervous, she didn’t know how to bring that up to him.  They’d have to have that conversation, she knew about it. So maybe, ripping off the band-aid now might be the better option, “Brad,” he wasn’t asleep, thankfully, since his hand moved up and down her back, caressing the line of her spine with his fingertips, “You know…my parents might bother us about something else…soon.” his hand stops on the fourth vertebrae, she feels the subtle pressure there but he’s not pushing down in any way, “About…kids…” the last part is whispered so quietly she hopes he doesn’t hear it.

But he did. Obviously.

“I’m not in a hurry!” she tries to counter, lifting her head so quickly from his chest she almost gave herself whiplash, “I-I mean, I like kids but if you think we aren’t ready then we shouldn’t talk about it! Maybe I should stop talking about it, okay I’ll stop talking about it-” and she kept on rambling nervously, avoiding his eyes at all cost all the while Rooster just stared.

She couldn’t see the absolute infatuated stare he was sending her, nor the way his eyelids lowered and his smile widened by the second the more she tried to explain that she wasn’t going to force him to think about having kids now but she was just letting him know that her parents would question him about it and the more she spoke, more his heart warmed just by looking at her. Beatrice was very kind, very sweet and immensely thoughtful of others, she had proven that time and time again, so he wasn’t surprised to see her letting him know everything that could happen soon after they get married.

He’s still looking at her, holding his head up with a hand as Beatrice’s words slowly died down - she was now sitting on her knees, wringing her hands together and looking like she confessed a murder, biting her lower lip, “You got quiet.”

“I was waiting for you to finish, babe.”

“...Oh, I was rambling again…”

But he wasn’t bothered by that, he adjusted himself on the bed so he’d be sitting up instead of lying down, “We never talked about it.” he begins, “And I think it’s a good time as any to, you know?”

“Don’t you want to wait a little?”

He shrugs, “Why? I think it’s better if we decide what we want now and what to expect.” he says sincerely, reaching for her hand to remove it from the continuous wringing grasp she had on it, “So, let me ask you: do you want kids?”

Beatrice doesn’t hesitate, “Yes.I do…but…”

“But?”

“...if…you think it might be too much I can wait.”

Too much. As in, she didn’t want to make him stressed because of what he does, because she didn’t want him to be overworked. God, he loved her so much. “Bea…” he coos softly, giving her a smitten smile, “I love you so much, pretty girl. I really do.” his fiancé only response was a small smile and cheeks painted red, “And while I do appreciate you thinking about me and my wellbeing…I’ll be honest, imagining a mini me or mini you running around the house is really nice. And it’ll be a bit more work, but I think we’ll manage it. We just got to plan it a little bit.”

Beatrice’s shoulders relaxed and her eyes slid shut as she heaved out a sigh, her head dangling forward with her hands supporting her weight on her thighs, “You okay?’ he asks and she nods with her hair still covering her expression.

“I am. I was just…” she waves her hands,clenching and relaxing her fingers to get rid of the tension, “I was just nervous, as I said I don’t mind waiting a bit. I really don’t and I agree that planning for the baby–” she couldn’t believe she was saying those words out loud, “Would be the better option.”

“And you know, it won’t be for the lack of trying.” he says with his body slowly leaning forward, making Beatrice lean back until she fell onto the mattress, smiling up at him, “Because we do try, a whole lot, don’t we?” she nods, biting her lower lip with a smile, “And I know you’ve been taking the birth control shots so…maybe after the wedding you can stop taking it?”

Beatrice looks up at him with her big green eyes taking over his features,until she moves her gaze away in thought. She’s been taking it over six months now and it was the best idea she’s ever had, she thanked Shells over and over for letting her know that such thing existed…and honestly she could handle not taking it after their wedding, “I’d have to talk to the ladies at the clinic, see if I need to do it slowly or I can just stop altogether, but I can do that.” she says, smiling even more, one of her hands cupping the side of his face, “I like the idea of a mini us running around too.”

She didn’t tell him about the disembodied child voices she heard when he was gone, she didn’t think it’d be worth it, nor the drawings she made…nor the painting she still had to finish it and now…now she knew how to, “A mini us, huh?” he smirked, “I think the baby will look like you the most.”

“I think the baby will look like you the most. I don’t know what you have against your baby pictures, Brad.”

“Besides how I looked like an angry red toe? Nothing,” Beatrice rolls her eyes, saying he was adorable as a baby and as a young boy, “I was also blonde, how the hell did that happen?”

‘You are still blonde, Brad.” she laughs, gently touching a wavy strand that dangled in front of his forehead, “See? It’s just really dark now, almost brown.” there were golden strands mixed in with the browns; she even spread the tresses a little bit so he could see it better. He hummed, not convinced, before he flops down on top of her with his chin nestled between her breasts, the smiley t-shirt stretching under his weight. “Maybe the baby will be blonde like you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk, “Do you want to try for it now-”

“Bradley Nicholas.”

“Oooh, I love when you say my full name,” he purrs, pushing himself to his hands so he could trail kisses from her neck to her lips, “It’s really hot when you say it.”

“I thought you said we were going to go to bed now?” she questioned, between giggles while arching her back so he could ride the shirt up to her chest.

“Mm…in a little bit.” he smirks, kissing her sternum, “Got a bit inspired now.”

-

Evelyn replied to her message as soon as the morning hit, she didn’t know how someone wakes up so early but Evelyn always surprised her. Beatrice took a few seconds to understand the message, since she was still waking up from hours ago - she is now used to waking up with Rooster but that doesn’t mean she stays awake for long, she was napping on the couch after he left. Beatrice rubs her eyes, sitting on the bed and then dropping the hand to gently caress Jolene on the back of the head as the pittie trots over to keep her company.

“If you want…” she mutters the rest of the message under her breath, pauses, then her eyes widen as she rereads it, “If you want to come over,Marcus has someone who can help you,I’m visiting him in a couple hours so I can pick you up and we can go!! Oh my God!” the sharp voice from her owner makes Jolene jumps up startled, before she’sd picked up by Beatrice who then kisses the pittie’s confused face over and over, “Yes!Oh thank God,I need to buy Evelyn those ube snacks she likes so much as payment! I’m going to get a dress!!”

Hopefully.

She was so excited that she immediately went up the stairs, with Jolene following her, to take a shower…but not before thanking Evelyn over and over and saying that she’d be waiting! She even sent Rooster a message, that she knew he’d be only able to reply a few hours later but she couldn’t help herself.

Beatrice sat outside on the small steps that led to her front door, her knee bouncing with excitement as she waited. It doesn’t take long for Evelyn’s car to show up, Beatrice standing up quickly before she rushes over to the open passenger door, ‘Hi, Ev.”

“Hey.” Evelyn smiles, “So, future Mrs.Bradshaw, you are looking for a wedding dress.” the mention of how she’d be referred to made Beatrice blush but she nodded after closing the door, “Marcus knows a lot of people who can help you out, we can explain our situation for him and you know he’ll want to help.”

“Thank you for helping me out.” the brunette says after Evelyn drives them away from the house, latching the seatbelt over her chest, “I was almost losing sleep over that, you know? It’s so hard finding a wedding dress my size.”

“And I know you tried everywhere, even that plus size shop we saw ages ago.”

“Yes! I couldn’t even go for a try on, most of the dresses I liked were already claimed for.”

Evelyn hummed, giving a quick once over around the roundabout before turning to the left, “Ever since that shop opened it has been a huge success, what do you know, people over size 2 want to get dresses too.” she jokes, both women laughing but Evelyn’s smile doesn’t falter, “I’m really happy for you.”

Beatrice turns to look at her friend, giving her a small smile, “I’m happy too Ev.” she whispers, holding her left hand up to look at the engagement ring one more time, rubbing her thumb and forefinger along the thin band and on the gem on top of it, “I’m excited. I’m…nervous and I don’t think I can understand how I’m feeling half of the time…I’m going to get married.”

“Which was something we always knew it’d happen.” Evelyn chuckles, “By the way, we are going to pick up Shells too,” Beatrice’s inquisitive ‘oh?’ makes Evelyn roll her eyes, “She said she’s bored, so.”

Beatrice chuckles, ‘That’s fine.” she smiles, leaning back on her seat, “I know she’ll love it.” 

And she did, especially once Shells found out what they were doing, almost tripping over herself by entering the back door, falling face first on the back seat and then fixing herself looking ready to pop a vein with how excited she was. Maybe more than Beatrice thought she’d be. 

When they got to Marcus’ studio, going up the same staircase as before, Beatrice couldn’t help but go up with a pep on her step all the way. Evelyn walked in first since she wanted to talk to Marcus before everyone, with Beatrice and Shells staying behind for a little while, her blonde friend peeking over a mannequin and then standing behind it, her head propped on the mannequin’s shoulder as she pulled on the sleeve playing as if she was wearing it herself. “What do you think? Is fuschia my color?’

Beatrice turned to look over to Shells, laughing quietly, “I think so, it’s a pretty color on you.”

‘Nice,do you think he’ll miss it if I take it?” 

“You know…I think there is a chance he’d miss it.” Beatrice replied with a grin, “But you can always ask him too.”

“Nah, you are his muse, I’m just the friend who tags along.”

Beatrice rolls her eyes, looking back to where Evelyn and Marcus were, the two looking at something on his Ipad for a while before Evelyn gestured to her two friends not too far away from where they were. Marcus’ lips broke into a smile, “My darling muse!’ he calls from where he was, handing the Ipad over to one of his assistants, his long strides arriving sooner to where Beatrice and Shells were, air kissing the two of them, “I believe congratulations are in order!”

“Yeah,” the brunette blushed while wiggling her ring finger, “Thank you, Marcus.”

“Not only for that, my darling but the new collection is an immense success. I was just telling Evelyn that having you as the face made women everywhere see they could be beautiful just like you are.” Beatrice is flattered, her cheeks warming more as he continued, “Not to mention the several other designers who wanted to hire you as their model, oh, so many! But I told them I’d have to talk to you.”

“Oh, I…”

“I also told them you weren’t a model, professionally speaking, and that you were comfortable with us because we are all friends.”

Beatrice was thankful for that response, because she had no idea if she’d be able to do the same thing with a designer she didn’t know. “Thank you Marcus.” she says sweetly, then clears her throat, “Oh, um, so Evelyn probably told you what I’m looking for right?” he nods, ‘So…do you know anyone?”

‘I do have a friend, Lola, but she works in L.A. I can give her a call and we can book a wonderful meeting with her and prepare something for you. You can bring your friends over and everything.” 

“Oh, Marcus that’s great, but…I do have…a budget and you know–”

“Darling, darling ,please,” he flaps his hand, “Do not worry about the budget, Lola is a good friend and she can help you however you need to. Worry about the money later.” it was easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one getting married and she didn’t want her aunt paying for her wedding dress either so there was a certain amount of money she could use. “Give me five minutes to give her a call and we’ll resolve it, yes?”

Beatrice just nods, watching him pull out his phone and walk away from them, leaving her,Shells and Evelyn on the very spot with the brunette wringing her hands together, “Do you know her? Lola?”

Evelyn shakes her head, “Never heard of her, but then again, bridal fashion isn’t my cup of tea.” she explains, crossing her arms over her chest. 

With Marcus gone, Beatrice had time to think. She still had to get her bridesmaids, she already had a good idea of who they’d be, but she’d like to talk to all of them if possible and as soon as she could. Shells and Evelyn were two of them, that was already decided, she just needed to talk to the rest. 

She also knew who’d be her maid of honor and she hoped no one else would be upset by her choice - hopefully not, it wasn’t a competition after all -  because there was a reason for that person to be chosen too.

Marcus comes back with a huge smile on his face, “Darling! Lola said she’ll open a private room for you on Saturday, early morning. You can bring a group of people if you want to.”

Beatrice gasped, her smile widening, “Oh,Marcus, thank you so much!” she rushes to the fashion designer, hugging his middle, “You have no idea how much that means to me!”

“Well, as my muse and someone I’ve grown as my friend, I think I understand how much.” he chuckles,putting his phone in his back pocket after hugging her back, patting her upper back then holding her shoulders, “You’ll be great.”

“Thank you.” he excuses himself when one of his many assistants call him, Beatrice turning to her friends with a huge smile, squealing happily, “Oh, my God, I can’t believe it, this is so–wow! You guys are coming!”

“Um, duh, yeah! I’d force myself into the party if I wasn’t.”

Evelyn just arched her brow at the blonde, but smiled, “Hate to say it, but I’d be upset if I wasn’t invited either.”

Beatrice inhaled deeply, her cheeks hurting from smiling so much, “I’d just need to invite the others too, it’ll be so much fun!” she laughs, “I hope everyone else can join.”

“You know,” Shells begins, leaning on the mannequin by casually tossing her arm over it’s shoulder, “I think people would stop everything to go bridal shopping.” the blonde smirks, looking back at the mannequin with the pretty blouse, “Hey, Ev, do you think fuchsia is my color? And that Marcus would miss this?”

[preesistersswallowingadonkeyseye]

loose top 145 chart - list under the readmore

1. Neutral Milk Hotel - On Avery Island

2. Car Seat Headrest - How To Leave Town

3. The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2

4. Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works 85-92

5. Stereolab - Emperor Tomato Ketchup

6. Earl Sweatshirt - some rap songs

7. The Olivia Tremor Control - Black Foliage: Animation Music

8. Bladee - ICEDANCER

9. Prince - Purple Rain

10. The KLF - Chill Out

11. Cardiacs - A Little Man and a House and the Whole World Window

12. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

13. The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

14. Animal Collective - Feels

15. desert sand feels warm at night - 夢の砂漠 (Dream Desert)

16. Hiroshi Yoshimura - SURROUND

17. Duster - Stratosphere

18. bedbug - If I Got Smaller Grew Wings and Flew Away for Good

19. Prince - Prince and The Revolution: Live

20. Mike - WEIGHT OF THE WORLD

21. The Weeknd - After Hours

22. Guided by Voices - Alien Lanes

23. Radiohead - Kid A

24. of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping

25. of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

26. Guided by Voices - Bee Thousand

27. Car Seat Headrest - Teens Of Denial

28. The Microphones - Mount Eerie

29. Mew - Frengers

30. Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak

31. The Beatles - Abbey Road

32. Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West

33. Ride - Nowhere (Expanded)

34. Ween - The Pod

35. Radiohead - OK Computer

36. Fishmans - 宇宙 日本 世田谷

37. Fishmans - 98.12.28 男達の別れ (Live)

38. Massive Attack - Blue Lines

39. Stereolab - Dots and Loops

40. George Clanton - Slide

41. The Avalanches - Since I Left You

42. Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

43. Car Seat Headrest - Nervous Young Man

44. Indian Summer - Giving Birth to Thunder

45. Moss Icon - Lyburnum Wits End Liberation Fly

46. Jane Remover - frailty

47. Los Campesinos! - Romance is Boring

48. The Olivia Tremor Control - Dusk at Cubist Castle

49. Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile

50. My Bloody Valentine - You Made Me Realise

51. Bladee - Spiderr

52. 100 gecs - 10,000 gecs

53. Bomb the Music Industry! - Get Warmer

54. DJ Sprinkles - Midtown 120 Blues

55. Alvvays - Alvvays

56. The Mars Volta - De-Loused in the Comatorium

57. Brave Little Abacus - Masked Dancers: Concern in So Many Things You Forget Where You Are

58. Julia Brown - An abundance of strawberries

59. DJ Shadow - Endtroducing.....

60. Modest Mouse - Building Nothing Out of Something

61. Tyler, the Creator - Igor

62. Tyler, the Creator - Flower Boy

63. David Bowie - Blackstar

64. Nine Inch Nails - Bad Witch

65. The Beach Boys - SMiLE

66. Animal Collective - Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished

67. Nana Grizol - Dancing Dogs

68. Nana Grizol - Love It Love It

69. Gorillaz - Gorillaz

70. Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas

71. Pet Shop Boys - Introspective

72. Glass Beach - Plastic Death

73. Death Grips - the powers that b

74. Junior Delahaye - Showcase

75. Slowdive - Slowdive

76. Los Campesinos! - We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

77. Global Communication - 76:14

78. Bright Eyes - Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground

79. Car Seat Headrest - 4

80. Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

81. The Music Tapes - Mary's Voice

82. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam

83. Ween - Quebec

84. Sufjan Stevens - The Age of Adz

85. Earl Sweatshirt - I Don't Like Shit, I Don't Go Outside: An Album by Earl Sweatshirt

86. Virtual Self - Virtual Self

87. Lil Ugly Mane - Singles

88. Sufjan Stevens - Carrie & Lowell

89. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Polygondwanaland

90. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Live in Brisbane '21

91. Boards of Canada - Music Has the Right to Children

92. Boards of Canada - Geogaddi

93. Frank Ocean - Blonde

94. The Cure - Disintegration

95. Nirvana - In Utero

96. Death Grips - Bottomless Pit

97. Mike - renaissance man

98. Dismemberment Plan - Emergency & I

99. The Microphones - It Was Hot, We Stayed In The Water

100. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion

101. Cardiacs - The Seaside

102. Gorillaz - Demon Days

103. Duster - Duster

104. My Chemical Romance - I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love

105. Thursday - Full Collapse

106. My Bloody Valentine - m b v

107. Black Dresses - Peaceful as Hell

108. Porter Robinson - nurture

109. of Montreal - Paralytic Stalks

110. bob hund - Bob Hund

111. Teen Suicide - i will be my own hell because there is a devil inside my body

112. Slowdive - Souvlaki

113. Cursive - The Ugly Organ

114. Ween - God Ween Satan: The Oneness (Anniversary Edition)

115. Kleenex Girl Wonder - Ponyoak

116. Sweet Trip - Velocity: design: comfort.

117. Gorillaz - Plastic Beach

118. Guided by Voices - Under the Bushes Under the Stars

119. The Beatles - Revolver

120. Jane Remover - teen week

121. Glass Beach - the first glass beach album

122. blackwinterwells - Stone Ocean

123. The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die - Formlessness - EP

124. Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump

125. Jordaan Mason - earth to ursa major

126. Weatherday - Come In

127. The pAper chAse - Hide the Kitchen Knives

128. Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite

129. Yung Lean - Starz

130. pilotredsun - Achievement

131. Bomb the Music Industry! - Album Minus Band

132. Wu-Tang Clan - Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

133. Doss - Doss

134. Kitty - Frostbite

135. Bob Drake - Medallion Animal Carpet

136. Parannoul - After the Night (Live)

137. J Dilla - Donuts

138. Ashley Ninelives - Eagle Creek

139. Vangelis - Blade Runner - Esper Edition

140. Akira Yamaoka - SILENT HILL2 (Original Soundtrack)

141. C418 - Minecraft - Volume Alpha

142. C418 - Minecraft - Volume Beta

143. Disasterpeace - Fez

144. Toby Fox - UNDERTALE Soundtrack

145. Kero Kero Bonito - Time 'n' Place (background)

honorable mentions to round it off to 150:

146. Julius Eastman - Femenine

147. Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool

148. Dinosaur jr. - You're Living All Over Me

149. Flipper - Album Generic Flipper

150. DJ Rozwell - NONE OF THIS IS REAL

[shiningthundert]

Owari no Seraph: Why Yuu’s emotions probably aren’t manipulated/Fake *contains major spoilers*

I heard many people brush off Yuu’s feeling towards Mika as “manipulated/programmed” by Shikama Doji or “Survivor’s Guild” and after effects of Childhood Trauma (abandonment issues) but here is what actually speaks against this (I wrote a document file, with a lot of proof if you want to look it up later):

A) Yuu seems to know Mika even before he was dead. In chapter 122/123 we see Mika and Yuu still alive and kicking as angels (Seraph Mika and Cherub Yuu, it’s most definitely him), what proves this would be the to Mika seemingly familiar eye in chapter 106 and the fact Yuu “was created” out of this eyeball. That’s where we get to

B) Yuu wasn’t “created” but is a clone. As we already know from real-life, organs can be grown out of stem-cells or embryos and in Seraph of the end this “embryo” must be the original Yuu’s eye. You can’t replicate something without having the original and if Mika and Yuu were best Friends and together, even before Shikama had to make up this whole plan to revive his dead son, His current feelings and the fact (chapter 85) Yuu even went to the forbidden room, because he was drawn to Mika and didn’t even know he was in there, means they are real and Yuu isn’t programmed to feel that way. They are just remains of the feelings he had towards Mika from his original life.

C) And Yuu said those are his real feelings himself. While everyone is calling him “insane” or “manipulated” by Mikaela and the first, Yuu confirmed he was sane this entire time (Chapter 118) and isn’t doing what everyone says. (Page 34).

I also think Ashera saying “You’ve only ever had eyes for Mika” (Chapter 117) was foreshadowing to the fact, that he literally was an eye and with Mika even before humanity XD Someone also complained about Yuu’s “creepy eyes” from Chapter 113, which exactly look like the eye from Yuu’s original form. They probably weren’t meant as Yuu being a dead puppet, but probably as confirmation, that Yuu is “The Cherub” later on and only saw Mika ever since. You could also say, maybe these Cherubs were created by the first and fallen angels, as part of the Balu project (122) and Yuu was assigned to be Mika’s supervisor, but the first didn’t have his current plan in mind at that time, so of what use would be personal feelings if they could be a hindrance too (Maybe, telling Mika that his life could be in danger because of the project). Yuu’s feelings are 99% the real deal and Kagami, plus everyone involved in the ONS productions, confirmed Yuu’s feelings were romantically too what would go against “just a stupid obsession”.

Furthermore Yuu, was immediately starting to talk about himself going to die, if he can’t have Mika in his life (indirect suicide threat chapter 119) and explained how Mika always has been his reason to live, setting him apart from the rest of his family (Shinoasquad/Akane co.). When his parents abandoned him, Mika was there, when everyone died in the vampire capital, Yuu only lived on because Mika wanted him to and he wanted to get revenge for him and his dead family, when he found Mika again (1st/2nd) Reuinon he lived to protect what’s most dear to him and when losing him a second time, saving Mika was his purpose.

To this “He always lets Mika stand out from the rest of the family” we have A) The “I want to save my family, you’re family too” Mika: “You can’t have both” and Yuu suddenly saying “I don’t care for humanity” and even willing to risk the lives of the other children too, if it meant Mika would be safe. And B) The confusing translation of Chapter 119′s beginning:

“I always thought about myself and my Family” “I just had to save my family” “I just had to save you”, this sentence can be intepreted two ways 1. “I always thought I had to protect my family, but I only had to protect you” or 2. “Since I only have to protect my family, I only have to protect you” either way he is separating his feelings towards Mika from the others, meaning Mika is a special case. And remembering chapter 117/118 Ashera’s and Yuu’s fight, we learned that Yuu’s deepest desire, has not only something to with Mika, but also isn’t just wanting to save him(but this would be Shikama’s plan, so he is already acting out of order), although he only wants to save Mika if he claims, to want to save everyone.  Again there seem to be personal feelings not even Shikamadu expected. The ‘separating Mika’ can be seen as manipulation, but thinking back on that, all Shikamadu ever did, was putting Yuu into a life scarring situation, cloning him and telling Yuu his purpose was Mika, although he won’t be able to remember that at all. 

Last thing I actually wanted to say but forgot (sorry I have issues to concentrate, especially if I love the topic) was Yuu’s reaction to Mika and Shinoa’s confession. When he found out Shinoa loved him, he just rejected her, no further comments or reaction. But when Ashera told him, Mika was in love with him, he cried and suffered harder than before. He was already panicking  and in despair because Mika died a 2nd time, but having to hear “he was in love with you”, made it even worse. If it was just fake, an obsession or he was just a brother to him, he wouldn’t have reacted as if he just lost the opportunity to get together with the one he loved since forever or even harder than he already did. (You know what I’m saying? If not just tell me). And after hearing he could save him as demon, he even was all that “what are you doing to *my* Mika?” and randomly calling Mika pretty: “There was an angel that looked like you”, “They look like you, but even prettier”, “See? That’s you”. It almost looks like he’s flirting with him (and I can tell you, I was like that when realizing I was in love with my BFF and she was in love with me, before we got for 3 years separated from eachother and met again XD).

I also think there’s something weird anyways in everyone being scared of Mika’s life and thinking Mika must be sacrificed if humanity has to be restored, but that’s another thing I’ll talk about next time. I was just mentioning it because, that would defy first: Mika being turned into a vampire, as part of emotional manipulation and second: Turning Mika into a demon, if it means him having to perish, although Shika’s plan is reviving Mika.--->https://www.tumblr.com/shiningthundert/711601715786481664/owari-no-seraph-the-weird-thing-of-mika-having-to?source=share

Edit/Addition: I forgot to say that yes, there is emotional Trauma which can shape a child and that also, there's a certain emotional dependency if the last member of the family survived and you always thought they were dead, to the point you also wanted to die, but this same emotional trauma, is what gave them the ability to grow closer and develop a relationship in the first place. Sympathy and trying to be the other's emotional support is what love needs as well and Mika is the only one Yuu has this with. So of course will a shared trauma strengthen their bond, but that doesn't necessarily mean that romantic love needs to develop. However what we know is, Yuu is attracted to Mika (source: Shippingwiki Trivia/Manga/Game/Interviews) and also the feeling he's the only one who understands you, on your side and will do everything to make you happy, that's what most people look in potential partners for and who is more fit for this role, than the one that always gave you a reason to live and you feel attracted to even before humanity and their death itself?

CHAPTER 125 SPOILERS

Edit: Called it, Yuu is the Homunculus and Mika was the one who gave him name and heart. See his hyperfixation doesn't come from nowhere and also isn't manipulated emotions as he was never intended to feel love until Mika gave him his name😆♥️♥️

[usafphantom2]

Tactical super cruiser

Proposed modification to the SR-71 using guns and missiles! This discovery is from 1976, which makes it an even more exciting discovery. Declassified by Skunk Works VP Ben Rich. SR-71 Pilot Buddy Brown's signature is on it. Did you know 85% of the Skunkworks projects are still classified?

This is a proposal by the Skunk Works and Ben Rich for a new airplane developed out of the SR-71. I have a question: Where would they get the tooling?

The Central Intelligence Agency was created in 1947 principally to provide US leaders with a strategic warning of an attack by the Soviet Union. The Agency’s main mission during its first decade and a half was to deploy its collection and analytic assets to detect and preempt a nuclear Pearl Harbor. No other intelligence question had more significant implications for the national interests of the United States—and its very survival—than determining what kinds of strategic weapons, how many of them the Soviet Union had, and how it intended to use them. With the USSR proving an extremely hard target for traditional espionage operations, the United States had to use technical collection to peer beyond the Iron Curtain.

This paragraph is crucial to understanding why Lockheed, Kelly Johnson, and the CIA needed the U-2, A- 12, which grew into the SR-71. The United States, at this time after World War II, expected the Soviet Union to attack the United States as the Japanese did at Pearl Harbor. The Soviets had refused to allow the open sky policy. We had to know if we were being attacked; we had to have a plan to fight back. Before surface-to-air missiles, we thought we would need an armed and high-speed airplane to stop the Soviets from bombing us with a nuclear bomb. The YF-12, The B-70, and the proposed BX and AF 12 would be possible answers for the United States defense. The only aircraft that survived this experimental process for long-term surveillance was the U-2 and the SR 71. I thought that you might enjoy looking at these proposed sketches of another variation of the SR-71.

David Robarge, CIA Chief Historian, wrote the first paragraph.

Linda Sheffield wrote the rest of the article

@Habubrats71 via X

[forthedancingandthethriving]

Luigi: One time, SMG4 and SMG3 were having a heated argument in the RV, and 3 took 4's tape out of the player and smashed it against the floor in rage.

Luigi: Then 4 looked him dead in the eye, pulled out a second copy of that same tape, and put it back in the player.

----

Cody: I have a bad feeling about this...

Lil Coding: What do you mean?

Cody: Don't you ever get that little voice in your mind that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Lil Coding: No?

Cody: That actually explains so much.

----

Manifest: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

Emulator: I'm trying to remember Forum's height..

----

CPU: On a scale of 1 to 10, exactly how much am I going to despise this plan of yours?

Abyssal: I’d say a solid 85.

----

Umbra: What’s it like being tall? Is it nice?

Umbra: Can you reach comfortably for the cuppboards?

CPU: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Buffer: It was one time! And I'm not short!

----

SMG4: I trust Mario.

SMG3: You think he knows what he's doing?

SMG4: I wouldn't go that far.

----

Saiko, fuming: YOU BRIBED HER TO CHEAT ME ON THE GAME!

Bob, calmly setting desserts aside: You call it 'bribing', I call it 'gastrodiplomacy.'

Lily, chewing on a dessert: Look I just wanted extra dessert, ok?

----

Tari: Looks like a hawk...

Saiko: No, a peregrine falcon.

Shroomy: One attacked me as a small child.

Tari: That’s horrifying!

Shroomy, smiling calmly: It did not win.

----

Bob: I was arrested once for being way too handsome.

Meggy: The charges were immediately dropped due to no supporting evidence.

----

Lil Coding: Which country has the most birds? Portu-geese!

Cody: That's a language.

Lil Coding: Portu-gull..?

Elanore: Nice recovery!

Plurality: I think you mean nice re-dovery.

Lil Coding: TURKEY! HOW DID I MISS TURKEY?

----

Tulip: Do you have a favorite?

Juliano: I care about you all equally.

Mario, whispering: Blink if it's me.

----

*An invention of hers went haywire..*

Tulip: Time for plan G!

SMG10: Don’t you mean plan B?

Tulip: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Ava: What about plan D?

Tulio: Plan D was that desperate shutdown attempt half an hour ago.

Mia: What about plan E?

Tulip: I’m hoping not to use it. Leo's hairpin gets smashed in plan E.

Tyrus: ...I like plan E.

----

Umbra: You're bound by a Medical Oath! You can't kill me!

Vitality: That solely depends if I took the oath.

----

Elanore: How are you doing?

Plurality: Well, I'm breathing.

Elanore: Setting the bar low, huh?

Plurality: Yeah, well, it’s better than Root.

Root, having a panic attack: I'm gonna kill you.

----

Meggy: I dare you-

Luigi, pulling Mario away: He isn’t allowed to accept dares.

Mario: Apparently I have no regard for my personal safety.

----

Nimbus: Why are your tongues purple?

SMG8: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

SMG9: I had a red one.

Nimbus: Oh! ... OH.

Tama: You drank each others slushies?

----

Overseer, under his breath as Abyssal is pinning him: I want to kiss you.

Abyssal, not paying attention: What?

Overseer, panicking: I said if you die, I won't miss you!

----

SMG4: You do seven things a day that I ask you not to do.

Lil Coding: Actually, I do more. You catch seven.

----

Lily: Can you pass the salt?

SMG3: What’s the magic word?

Lily: Or else!

SMG3: *smiles proudly* Atta girl.

Domain: What are you teaching her?

----

*The Kids trying to help Tama warm up to them*

Tama, giggling: The floor is lava!

Plurality:  *helps Elanore onto a bench*

Lily:  *kicks Lil Coding off a table*

Sage: As you can see, we know two types of people.

[thoughtsafter3am]

Hi Melissa, not sure if you've talked about this before and I simply missed it (very likely), so apologies if this is being repetitive: What exactly is your field of study and the topic of your dissertation, if you're comfortable sharing? I'm asking because I'm currently (very slowly) starting research for my master's thesis in Rhetoric & German Lit and my plan so far is to look into the depiction of bisexuality in Modern German literature and your recent article on Heartstopper in the Journal of Bisexuality (which I didn't know existed until now, so thank you!) seems to be VERY interesting in regards to ideas and methods from English literature I might be able to apply. Thank you for sharing! Do you happen to know of any sources specifically on bisexuality in novels, off the top of your head? (I still have to work through the references list of your article and the article in depth, only skimmed so far, if there's something in there.) Sorry if that was a bit all over the place, in any way: Sending good throughts, as random internet strangers do, and hoping you're having a good day/night! :) Rona

What am I studying? Truly the question of the century. 😂 Technically my Ph.D. will be in higher education administration but I really study college student development theory and more specifically the role of media in identity construction. But, I’ve also found myself doing a fair amount of media studies research too as a result of where my research intersects with disciplines outside of education. I’ve definitely embraced calling my research and outputs interdisciplinary.

I love talking about my dissertation topic so I’m happy to share. 😊 I am exploring how bisexual+ emerging adults (18-24 years old) use fiction-based parasocial relationships in identity construction processes. So really looking at how media representation helps people understand who they are and construct their identity.

As far as sources go, there are not a bunch on bisexual representation in novels specifically. These two look at bisexuality+ in YA novels:

Coletta, J. (2018). The missing B word: Compulsory binarization and bisexual representation in children’s literature. Jeunesse: Young People, Texts, Cultures, 10(1), 85-108. https://doi.org/10.1353/jeu.2018.0004

Kneen, B. (2015). Neither very bi not particularly sexual: The essence of the bisexual in young adult literature. Children’s literature in education, 46, 359-377. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10583-014-9237-8

I know I cited those two in my article. I was looking at representation in books specifically for another project but I found myself needing to move broader and look at general media representation. The Journal of Bisexuality (a favorite journal of mine as well) has a good amount of articles on media depictions of bisexuality over time. Most of them are movies and TV, but it’s a good starting point and it helps articulate how your research fills this gap: the lack of book-specific explorations of bisexual representation.

For representation in novels, think about looking in education journals. These are some but I know there are more out there about queer representation in novels:

Crisp, T., & Knezek, S. M. (2010). “I just don’t see myself here”: Challenging conversations about LGBTQ adolescent literature. English Journal, 99(3), 76-79.

Jimenéz, L. M. (2015). Representations in award-winning LGBTQ young adult literature from 2000–2013. The Journal of Lesbian Studies, 19(4), 406-422. http://doi.org/10.1080/10894160.2015.1057795

What I’ve found is that we have to be a little creative when researching bisexuality, especially when completing our literature reviews. Noting what’s there in terms of broader queer representation and then using that to justify why our research is important is a way to incorporate existing lit even if it’s not bisexual-specific.

Wishing you best of luck on your research! Let me know if there’s anything I can do. 😊

[magpiefngrl]

17.03.2024

It's a long weekend here because of the Carnival. It's funny--I have one (1) day off and I've managed to:

a. finish and post a drarry PWP I began months ago (The Bet--I know. I hate the title too.)

b. identify the main problem that stops me from making progress with my original fic.

Imagine what I could do with more free time. This year's commute is truly killing me. The fact that our first long weekend was so late, because Easter is so late this year, has also killed me. I'm always tired, always busy with something else, always behind with things.

Anyhow, my problem with my orig is that I don't have a clear handle on one of the leads. One of them, let's call him Prince A, is fine: I know exactly what he needs, what his problem is, what he'll have to learn/accept/overcome.

Prince B, though? It's like my brain slides over him; he's slippery and I can't grasp him. I keep deciding what he wants and needs and what his main goal is etc etc and then it slips away from me. It doesn't fit him. I keep changing my mind about him. Is he smirking and sly and clever? Is he cold and restrained? Is he indolent and indulgent? I like all of the ideas but can't settle on one.

I read the other day about an exercise that is meant to help with plotting/figuring out the main structure of your story, and I tried to do it now. It was clear as day that I have no clue who the fuck this character is. It's no wonder I've got Prince A's POV chapter done ages ago and that I've rewritten Prince B's chapter god knows how many times--and it's still not right.

I've written lots of original before drarry. I've never had that exact problem. I had a feel for the characters and created them instinctively. This one resists.

Moving on, the last lines exercise was truly illuminating. I am shocked that 85% of my endings are: dialogue + some form of touching. I've finished today's fic the exact same way. I also realised I hated the sequel ending of Through the Looking Glass and went and revised that scene.

Lots of thoughts about writing today. It's like as soon as I took a break from the hectic routine, the dam broke and the thoughts are all pouring out. I've also got some tangled ideas about the planning I need to do before I start writing, and how it fits with the writing-as-a-performance thing I read once, which I might leave for a newsletter/substack (both of which I've sorely neglected this year).

OK vent over. I'm going to do some googling and seek advice on how to finalise characterisation of an OC.