#please consider applying if you wanna help work on this project with us !!

[accio-victuuri]

Sugar Rush: September CPNs 🍬🍭

The month of BXGs had some very exciting candies! Let’s review them together ^^ Same disclaimer applies. Only for CPN-loving bxgs. If you hate this kind of thing, please spare yourself the pain and scroll along.

• Similarity between Shengyang & Yibo ( when what you love becomes a career )

• Same brand = Covernat

• Them being the Sun 🧡

• WYB’s Pechoin Ad spotted in an episode of SBMS

I really have a lot of feelings with the Shengyang x Chen Shuo AU pairing. They are so perfect together!

I mean….. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

• There is something about the similarities between shengyang & yibo in the way that they look at the person they care about the most that gets me. it’s this whole “puppy” devotion they got going on. an innocent kind of love.

the kind where you look at the person’s reaction first when something happens, you wanna see them happy before you enjoy what’s in front of you. even if they don’t talk, you carefully observe their body language cause you wanna figure out how to help them and show them that you’re on their side. ☀️

• In a BTS released by One & Only, they showed some wardrobe and looks for Chen Shuo. This one is him wearing a black helmet instead of red. Did you see the peppa pig sticker? and i can’t make out the other one. What a coincidence, considering the CQL crew’s “history” with peppa pig 😂😂😂

• Not really CPN, but to archive this incident where cpfs commented WYB photos on ZZ’s douyin post. This reminds me of that 95 post on weibo, where it was all cpf, then 🍤 of course did the most to “erase” that. but that comment section has so many interactions. I’m 50/50 on this, I think it’s unnecessary to do it, knowing full well that it will “provoke” a fan war and i personally don’t want that. The other half of me tho is cackling cause cpfs surely know how to troll. My fave tho are photo comments of cute fandom dolls 🥺🥺🥺

• One and Only top box office in Chongqing on 9/4

• Summary of SBMS clowning material from 9/1 to 9/5 ☀️

• Similarity in WYB & XZ selfies ( vintage motorcycle gear )

• XZ’s mystery driver, and was it WYB?

• INNER MONGOLIA MYSTERY : I’m naming it as such because it’s truly a mystery as of writing. There’s been some rumors already that LOCH & Mermaid will have scenes shot in IM. XZ tho is confirmed to be there. The cast and crew were spotted and XZ is not exactly hiding it either, his IP is there.

What makes it sus is a video captured that is allegedly of the hotel entrance where XZ stays. It’s too dark to see who he is with but some cpfs are saying you can see someone who is like WYB going in too w/ XZ. the way the person walks tho is so WYB as far as I can tell. And the most sus thing is the hotel closed all the lights in the lobby. Who the fuck does that. Yeah I know XZ is VIP and they will do everything to protect him and make sure no photos of him will be taken. But to actually close all the lights??? There must be something more… probably another VIP guest????

and well this.. whatever this is… it’s not covering with umbrellas anymore, it had come to this kind of hiding already. and how they were hiding who was coming in and. there were 2 people. so yeah. 👀

again, i am including this here to archive but i’m not fond of them being followed around like that. just leave them alone to work in peace. 🙃 we should be more focused on their projects and not act like paps. understand the reason why there are proxy shooters is because there is an audience.

the most sus thing do, is come monday, the black cloth and all the cover up was not done anymore. So it makes you think that they were really trying to hide something in those days they used it. 🤡

• SBMS clowning series version 2 / version 3 / version 4 / version 5 / version 6

• Hangzhou Asian Games power couple 🔥🔥🔥

• THEM and Li Qin as leading lady 😂😂😂

• Their long hair! Please bring it back for both please and thank you ☺️☺️☺️

and the fact that GG is absolutely glowing in the photo. We’ve been speculating that WYB visited him, so is this the result????

• YIBO-Official 9th debut anniversary debut clowning: who folded the shirt // 2019 memories, new? black panther drawing and day&night selfies // XZ signed the artwork + the pose is inspired by yibo

• Edited background in yibo’s selfie + Why we think this was taken in Inner Mongolia

• Couple autograph !!!!

• RIO becomes cpf’s friend lol

• Love is like this / Fireworks

• The timing of their posts ( an example )

• This is so funny!!!! Now that we have a glimpse of Wei Ruolai, he is being paired to Xiao Sa — who we know is Mister Ye’s. So it’s now a love triangle 😂

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

• bracelet & hand cpn - i don’t personally buy into this cpn but a huge chunk of the fandom were talking about it so i’m including it

• XZS Vlog Chapter 6 candies: ZZ & WYB similarity in XZS vlog + xzs and ybo are working together again & salomon shoes & mosaic design + panda rumor

• Matching Mid Autumn festival post ; Also how WYB’s look like there is a Mole. ☺️

There are also talks of the photo being taken from a proper camera, the most popular guess being a leica. I guess how YBO reposted this and said something like how Bobo is a “photographer” clued people in. But it could be because he posted an artsy photo like this instead of a selfie. 📷

—— END ——

See you all next month! 💕🍬

[srmt-zine]

At last, some details!

(A while back on @srmthg we had a zine interest check, and it remains open for any additional suggestions/feedback about what you'd like the zine to be (you can also shoot this blog an ask) but I don't plan on doing a second interest check. If enough people feel this is a mistake, there's still time to do one, but as it stands I don't see the point. I will continue to accept feedback and take it into account moving forward!)

By the way, my name is @netbug009 and I'm your friendly head mod for this project! This will be my first time running a zine, but I've been helping run projects in this fandom for 18 years!

The Format

SRMTHG Zine (cooler name tbd) will be a free PDF zine scheduled to release on September 18th, 2024, AKA the 20th anniversary of the series' first episode!

I know a lot of folks (myself included) like to have nice, shiny, hard copies of zines, and I hope to get the zine onto a publishing on demand site such as Lulu to let people buy them at-print-cost if they'd like, but a free digital edition will be the first priority. Since this zine is a celebration of the anniversary of a relatively small fandom, I want as many people to be able to access and enjoy it as possible! Plus, this is my first time running a zine, so I think it's smart to keep it simple. This also lets us worry less about page counts - if a lot of cool people contribute cool stuff, a PDF can be a chonk as we want!

The Content

The zine will include both fanart and fan fiction (and maybe even a few QR codes to some other digital goodies like AMVs and fanmixes if there's enough contributor interest!)

Light shipping will be allowed, with a few exceptions - no adult x child and no monkey x human ships will be allowed. (This was THE overwhelming request in the interest check and is not open for debate.)

We're going for a general vibe and love the idea of getting copies into the hands of voice actors/staff, which should give you a rough idea of the type of content we're going for - if it's too creepy/fetishy to hand to Ciro at a convention, it's too creepy/fetishy for the book. (That said, Monkey Team is a very silly and weird show with a love for classic horror tropes so I hope people don't let that limit their imaginations too much if they wanna do something spoopy!)

NO AI WORK WILL BE USED OR ACCEPTED IN THE CREATION OF THIS ZINE. I hope that'd be a given but just to be 100% clear, no.

The (Rough) Timeline

March 2024 - Contributor Applications Open!

April 22nd - Zine members selected and invited to Discord

May 1st - Zine members finalized

June 1st - Zine check-in 1

July 1st - Zine check-in 2

August 1st - Zine pieces due!

September 1st - Zine layout finalization due!

September 18th - ZINE RELEASED!

You might notice this is a pretty long timeline for a zine and we're starting pretty early; because this fandom is fairly small and this is a big occasion, I want to provide extra time so that as many people can hear about the project and participate as possible.

If you're looking for something to do until contributor apps open, SIGNAL BOOST, SIGNAL BOOST, SIGNAL BOOST! Reblog, post to Twitter, tell your friends, get the word out so this can be the biggest celebration it possibly can! If you make any graphics in your quest to help get the word out, PLEASE tag this blog so they can be shared!

Aaaand that's the basics! Again, feel free to send an ask with any additional questions. If you're considering applying in January, it's never too early to start sketching/considering ideas!

[cringe-time]

I am so fucking fed up with everything. I wish I never went to school for art cuz now I have an art degree and every single job I find is looking for someone for a senior position, or something for motion graphic design, which I’m terrible at and hate. No one is looking for illustrators cuz they can just use ai for free, no one is looking for entry level animators, and the thing is I HATE practicing animation. I wish I chose a degree that didn’t involve so much self motivated work cuz I am the least self motivated person in the world. I might be able to practice animation if it wasn’t to the end of “so I can move out and pay rent and retire someday”, KNOWING that even if I was a half decent animator there would have to be a miracle to get a job that would pay enough for all that. It all just feels so pointless. And it doesn’t help that every single job description involves “working in a fast paced environment with tight deadlines” and “able to work on multiple projects at once”, which sounds like recruiter slang for “we’re gonna overload you with work for barely any pay”. I don’t like art enough to work harder to get better to MAYBE, if I’m lucky, get a job that breaks my back with work making nothing. My mom is always telling me that I need to work hard now and do everything I can now to get a job in art but the thing is I DONT WANT TO. It seems like no matter what job I get in art I’ll hate it cuz they’re gonna overload me with work I’m bad at, and I’m not even gonna get paid enough to live, assuming they don’t fire me and replace me with ai. She’s an accountant and I was considering going back to school for accounting so I think she’s trying to make sure I don’t follow in her footsteps and get a stressful soul crushing job, but for me that’s what pretty much any art job is gonna be too, so I’d rather get one that ensures I’ll be able to move out, afford rent and groceries, and retire.

And every time I try to look for art jobs I get so overwhelmed and stressed I always end up crying, without fail. So I don’t think that’s a good sign. I’m not good at researching so it’s hard to find jobs to apply for, I’m not good at lying so it’s hard to write resumes and cover letters saying “working in animation is my passion and im great at it”, I’m only ok at animating cuz it feels so pointless to practice when I hate it, and I’m barely improving, and you need to be the best of the best to get a job.

I think my mom has a point that a normal 9-5 is hell cuz you don’t have any free time, but I really don’t know what else to do. I don’t think I’d mind being a janitor but janitors don’t get paid a living wage. I’m not an ambitious person, and I wanna say I wish someone told me you kinda need to be ambitious and self motivated to be an artist, but they DID. AND I DIDNT LISTEN. I literally said “whatever, I’ll figure it out.” cuz I didn’t wanna think about what else I could do cuz I couldn’t think of a single other thing. I wish it wasn’t expected to decide what you wanna do for the rest of your life at 17. I wish there was a job that existed that both would pay me enough to live comfortably and not be hell on earth. I wish I didn’t need to get a job at all. I wish I could just turn off the part of my brain that cares about fun and comfort so I could just force myself to work. I don’t wanna put together a demo reel, I don’t wanna write a different resume and cover letter for every application, I don’t wanna prove what I can/can’t do to every recruiter. I just wanna say “I have the qualifications, I can do accounting, hire me please”.

And im terrified that if i do go back to school for something else like environmental science or accounting that it’ll be the same thing all over again, where I realize I hate it but I don’t know what else to do, so I just drift along, graduate, and end up stuck cuz finding a decent job in that field is impossible if you don’t care that much and can’t force yourself to spend all day applying to stuff you hate hoping you don’t hear back from them every day all the time. I just don’t know what to do

[keysimash]

Hiiiii making a new pinned post because I almost exclusively use tumblr on mobile

So first of all pro lifers go away I hate you I hate you I hate you

Ppl that love to police how queer people should express and label themselves you too shoo

You're probably here from my Ao3!! If not, oh boy, you're in for a treat! Oh god why did you read that dogshit??

My personal blog is lazydestinypaper not anymore! Now its simofabitch if you, for some reason, can't get enough of me here 💙

Okay now that's out of the way

I'm an adult! Minors pls dont interact with my nsfw stuff if ur parents get mad at me I can't afford a lawyer

Most artists r uncomfortable when ppl vent or say weird shit in their tags or inbox -- I dont care!!! Go for it!!! You wanna tag a chapter or drawing I made as #me when my father was absent from my life??? Sure go ahead I literally dont mind. I would be a hypocrite if I cared anyway because I'm literally coping by dumping everything on my comfort character <3 so dont be ashamed if it helps you. This is a safe space. Just keep in mind ppl can in fact see it so dont be, yanno. Saying stuff you dont want others to know about you or that would put u in danger. And this only applies to stuff I personally make don't do that on a random stranger i happen to reblog

I read everything you say to me even if I don't respond I love every thing and I mean it

If you hate my stuff leave your thoughts I would love to hear them this is not a joke I an 100% serious and I will not be angry about it

Magolor is my favorite character ever he is my comfort boy pathetic cringefail big wet eyed kitten catboy so dont be surprised when I never shut up about him

If you want me to hurry up on a work -- leave a comment!!! Getting comments like "please update" actually motivates me!!!! Kind of... Just keep in mind I am the EXCEPTION not the rule most writers hate when u ask them to update so. Dont. Also I have no update schedule it's literally based on mood and chance and motivation level

If you think something i wrote is weird /cringe/has a plot hole chances are I already know about it and hate it ten times more than you. Suck my cock about it

Don't be surprised when my posts are weird it says "cringe compilation" for a reason

If you really miss a work I've deleted I might consider giving you a copy if you message me

I might edit this later with my tags because I want to improve my tagging system but I think this is good for now

Edit 12/25/22: my tags are still a fuck!!! Fuck!!!

Edited 3/6/23 with new main blog url and other minor changes

[iida-zine]

We've got a tellonym for answering any questions you may have about the zine! Q&A will be below the cut, and we'll try to keep them updated. You can also access the latest info on our Carrd!

Can we submit excerpts for the writer apps?

Absolutely! Please feel free to choose just a portion of an existing fic for an application piece. We do ask that you make sure it is cohesive as a stand-alone piece, so we can judge it based on plot/flow/clarity. (Also please feel free to link to the full version in the doc in case we wanna read the rest for fun :3 But that's not required. )

Can application pieces contain manga spoilers or should those be avoided?

We're fine with spoilers in applications! You can mark them by putting "spoilers" in the file name, but that isn't necessary.

Can I illustrate and write a fanfic?

You may apply for as many positions as you'd like, but unfortunately, each person will only be chosen for one role. It is possible we could allow both down the road - for instance, if someone drops - but we want to give more people a chance to contribute to the project :)

Do our applications need to contain pieces with detailed backgrounds?

If you are applying to be a page artist, please have at least one example with a detailed background. It could be environmental or decorative, but should demonstrate your ability to create an interesting composition. If you are applying to be a merch artist, you don't need examples with backgrounds, but you should have completed merchandise designs of some sort in your portfolio.

Will there potentially be stretch goals? Would shipping be from the USA most likely? Thank you for such a great idea!

• We are hoping to have 2-3 stretch goals! :) • Shipping will be from Minnesota in the US • Thank YOU for your interest and support! <3

maybe a theme?

Our theme is the brothers & their familial relationship :) Aside from keeping it gen, we want to allow contributors to explore AUs. If this project goes well, Mod Atlass really wants to run another that has more of a limited theme :D

Can I make a comic for the zine?

Thanks for asking! We discussed this, and we will consider some applicants for making comics for the zine. 2-4 pages will be allowed per comic. Please show at least one example of previous comic work in your portfolio.

Hmm, can I show bits of my progress?

Yes! Please make sure you keep it to very small bits at once. A paragraph or two if fic, 1/4 - 1/5 of the work if art or cosplay photography. If you're wondering if something may be too much to show on socials, just ask the mods in the ask-a-mod channel or shoot one of us a DM ^^

Should we only include MHA/Iida related content in our portfolio's or are other examples welcome?

Your more than welcome to include examples from other fandoms, or original ideas! (Original ideas are great :D) We just request that (1) piece is MHA/BNHA. It does NOT have to include the Iida bros, but if you've got one that does, please show us! You can find all our app guidelines > HERE <

Can Original and Canon characters be included in the portfolio?

Yep! OCs are just as welcome as canon characters!

What exactly will the Iida-zine be and how can we gat it ?

Hello! The Iida zine will be a book filled with fanfiction, fanart, and potentially cosplay photography from various creators in the fandom. There will be merchandise (possibly stickers, prints, keychains - things like that) that can be purchased alongside the book, and there will also be a digital PDF version available! Thank you for your interest!

Will the Iida-zine cost money ?

Yes, it will. Since we are planning to make physical products, we need to charge money for it in the shop in order to get those items produced.

I missed the Interest Check.can I still participate in the Iida-zine ?

Absolutely! We do the interest check to see how many people there are that are potentially interested in purchasing the zine or applying. This helps us to know how many contributors we can invite and helps to get an idea of our budget! It is absolutely NOT required to fill the Interest Check in order to participate! We fully encourage you to apply if you are interested :D

Will there also be a version where you don't need money ? I'm sure that also miners would like to have one but maybe their parents or other family members won't buy it for them.

With projects like this, our contributors work very hard, so we'd like for them to be compensated for their work! We're really sorry for the inconvenience. There ARE some fandom zines out there that are offered for free. You can check twitter users like @/faneventshub or @/atozines - they share a bunch of projects to help signal boost and are a really great resource.

Is there something we have to do to participate in the Iida-zine ?

We are taking applications starting tomorrow! You will need a portfolio of past pieces - art for artists, fics for writers, and photos for cosplayers. At the end of the application period, our team of moderators will go through all applications and choose who we will invite to the project. You can find all of the application details and further info on the zine HERE

Do we need a certain age to participate ?

We require for page artists, merch artists, and writers to be at least 16 years of age. For cosplay, we require that you are at least 18 years of age to participate. You can find more details HERE!

Is there a limit to how many people can particular

Yes, there is a limit to participants. We will have approx. 40-50 contributors. (I wish we could have a thousand bc these boys deserve the content, but budget :') - Atlass)

Hi. So I'm a writer from Germany and would like to participate in the zine. But, since English isn't my frat language, I sometimes have some grammatical mistakes in my writing. Can I still send in a Portfolio ?

Absolutely! Grammar is always something we can help with during beta-ing. What we view as most important is the plot, pacing, and characterization.

Will the Iida-zine come out weekly once per month ore all 3 or 6 months ?

Hello! These fandom zine projects take many months to put together. ^^ This zine (IidaTenBros) will come out this fall, and is a one-time project. Mod Atlass hopes to do more Iida zines in the future - however, nothing is set in stone. You can see our creation & production schedule HERE

I really hope that there will be kre then one. I just love these brothers so much

;w; They deserve ALL the love.

If there's a fic one is writing, does it necessarily need to have both brothers, or can they be focused on just one?

If you're talking for applications - it is NOT a requirement to have either of the brothers in your pieces. We do like to see how you represent them, if you have the content - but not having a Tenya or Tensei piece will not hurt you. We only want to see one BNHA piece as a requirement :) Now, if you get accepted into the project - the zine piece can center on ONE -or- BOTH brothers. You can just do one. Hopefully I answered your question!

I'm excited for this zine and believe the Iida's are truly underated characters however I saw it's a requirment to have at least one bnha sample and alhtough I have drawn for BNHA none of it is my best work as I've been currently drawing for JOJO. Is it possible to apply for the merch artist position using a non merch bnha piece as my representation of it?

Sure thing! If you have non-BNHA merch pieces, we do want to see how you do merch, but we're very happy to see full illustrative works as well. A good scope of abilities is always nice to see. Hopefully this helps!

Can one be both a page artist and a writer?

As of right now, we will only be accepting applicants for -one- position. You can definitely apply for both! If it comes down to it, you could potentially be a pinch-hitter for the one you don't get accepted for. If there is one position you'd prefer over the other (if it comes down to us having to choose where to place you) you can always leave a note of your preference in the "any other questions" area. There may be opportunity to create additional content rather than the singular required piece, so please feel free to apply to multiple positions so we have your work on-hand :) The reason for the one-position-per-person is 1) make sure you have suitable time to dedicate to your work + regular life things that come up, and 2) allow more people the opportunity to join in the fun. I hope you understand!

Is it okay when I put a title, summary and warnings to my stories? It may then be a few more words that 2,000 because of it.

That's perfectly fine :D Warnings and such are very appreciated.

Hey. So I have a favourite written piece, but it has over 3,000 words. Can I still put it into the portfolio?

If there is a way you can take just a few scenes from it to fit the 1-2k, then that would be the best route. But if it's a piece you're very proud of and passionate about, it would be best to include it. We wanna see your best work, after all :) Just try to still aim for the total between all pieces to be around 6k.

Can we send in our written work as a Word document?

You can upload the Word doc(s) into Google Drive and then provide the drive link in the portfolio! Drive will automatically open Word docs as Google Docs - the formatting just looks a little different.

Is it okay to put "x reader" works, in our portfolio ?

Please avoid "x reader", if possible! Thank you for understanding!

Can we use works with a OC ( pwn character ) ?

Including original characters is just fine! If you do have an example or two of content that includes canon characters, we WOULD like to see how you interpret them.

Can we use writing with ships like Eijiro Kirishima x Mina Ashido ?

Ships are fine for the portfolio. Please do try to include some platonic interactions so we can see how you represent that, though, if you can! Also if possible, please list ships at the top of the document :) (lil info like that won't count toward your word count)

Hi. So I have a story where x reader is just mentioned. Could I use it?

We would prefer that x reader is avoided if possible, but if you really want to use it for your portfolio, please include CWs at the top of the document for us ^^ Thank you!

What are CW's ?

CW means content warning! Similar to when movies warn about excessive violence or swearing or something, along with the rating.

for writer’s samples, may they contain spoilers from other media?

That is fine! Please put spoiler warnings at the top :D Thanks for asking!

Shall we just put our writings in the portfolio or also a description of us ?

Just the fics is fine for a portfolio. ^^

Do we need to give a few informations about our OC, when we use a fic with them?

If you want to, but it isn't necessary.

Can we put future fic ideas in our portfolio so you can see what we write in the future and if it is something interesting for the Zine ?

I'm sorry I don't quite understand - do you mean plot ideas that you have not written yet, but plan to?

[illfoandillfie]

I’d love a platonically blurb ab them applying to foster/adopt kids 🥺

i love you for this request but also it made me very soft and emo and how dare you

It ended up being a little less about them actually applying and more just them deciding they wanted to adopt or foster and discussing their options because i can't read but perhaps i could do an actual fic later about the process involved and them meeting their kid and stuff?? idk...dad ben makes me 🥺🥺🥺

Anyway, here's the second last blurb in my Platonically event!

Words: 1,683

Warnings: Nothing much really, discussions about children including pregnancy, adoption and fostering, a little mention of sex but nothing explicit.

“I wanna be a dad.”  You weren’t surprised to hear Ben say it. You’d seen the signs. There was the way he’d befriended and doted on the adorable toddler who’d played his daughter on a TV project. Every day he’d come home and his face would light up as he talked about her – how she babbled little kid nonsense at him all day and how they’d played silly games sitting on the floor of the set while the cameras were set up around them. You’d almost expected him to bring up the possibility of having kids then but he’d surprised you and not mentioned it. You could tell he was thinking about it though which made you think about it too. It made sense to at least discuss it and see where you both stood now that you’d been in the QPR for a while and knew that it worked and that you made a good team. You asked about it one night while you were washing the dishes and Ben was drying them. “Do you ever think about kids? Like having one?” “Yeah, sometimes,” he said, bumping your shoulder gently with his, but the conversation didn’t go any further than that.

It wasn’t until about three months later that you heard him say it. It took one of his mates having a baby with his wife for Ben to bring it up. You’d gone over a couple of weeks after they left the hospital, gifts in hand (a cute little spotty onesie and soft toy elephant that he hopefully wouldn't grow out of as quickly as he would his clothes). It was a lovely afternoon, catching up with the new parents and meeting brand new baby Bertie who just stared at everyone who cooed over him. You each had a turn holding Bertie too, marvelling at how anything could have such tiny hands and such big brown eyes. Ben happened to be handed the bundle of blankets that Bertie was swaddled in as the baby began to fall asleep. He didn’t mind though. When the new father asked if he should take Bertie and put him in his crib Ben waved him off. He said he didn’t mind sitting there a little longer to make sure Bertie really had dropped off. The parents didn’t argue, a little relieved that they were able to take a break and just relax. Both of them excused themselves for a moment to get some more food and use the bathroom which left you and Ben and the sleeping Bertie alone together. Quietly you stepped towards the armchair Ben was in, sitting on the arm so you could run your fingers through his hair. “I wanna be a dad.” Ben glanced up at you as he said it, and you could see how much he meant it. “Let’s talk about it tonight,” you reached out to stroke Bertie’s pudgy cheek as Ben lent his head against your side, his attention turning back to the baby.

Neither of you mentioned it on the drive home. In fact you both specifically avoided mentioning it, though not from fear of what might be said but rather just wanting to make sure you had adequate time to go over it without rushing. Once you were inside, shoes kicked off and the kettle on, you opened the discussion.  “So....a baby?” Ben nodded, as he settled into the couch, body angled towards you, “I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, it’s not just because of this afternoon but that did help. I really want kids and I think I’m at a place where I feel ready to. Is that...is that okay?” “It’s wonderful Ben. Honestly, I’ve kinda been waiting for this conversation for a while. I’ve seen you interact with kids and I knew it wouldn’t be long before you wanted your own.” He laughed and inclined his head in amused agreement, “So does that mean you like the idea?” “Yeah I do.” “Really? Just that I know you weren’t really sure about it when we first decided to be partners.” “I might not’ve been then, but I am now.”  “What changed?” “Well...you, obviously.” “Me?” He seemed surprised. “Look, before we got together I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship that didn’t make me feel at least a little uncomfortable. I figured I’d be single forever and I was okay with that. I’d considered just having a kid on my own – sperm donor or whatever – but that seemed like a really hard thing to do and I wasn’t sure I’d ever want it bad enough to do that. But then you showed me that it was possible to be in a partnership that felt good and, I don’t know, I started thinking about the possibility of having a family with you, and the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea.” Ben smiled as if he was trying not to look as pleased with your answer as he felt, “So we’re doing this then? For real?” “Yeah I think so. Weird.” “Bit weird.” There was a pause as you both just sat with the knowledge that you were planning a future together, that you both wanted to go ahead with it. You never would have guessed you’d get to that point with anyone.

Ben was the one to break the moment, “How would you want to...I mean how should we...How do you feel about being pregnant?” You bit your lip in thought, “I’m not sure. Honestly, it still kinda freaks me out.” “That’s understandable.” “I mean, if it was a dealbreaker for you then I would. I’m not entirely against the idea of carrying our baby and it would mean we’d get to do the fun part of making it.” “We do the fun part a lot as is,” Ben laughed, “But it’s actually something I thought about a lot.” “The fun part? That doesn’t surprise me.” “No, the you being preggers part,” he said exasperatedly, “I knew you weren’t super keen on the whole thing so I got thinking about whether or not it really mattered to me and I don’t think it does. I think I could be just as happy with a kid that came from someone else. And,” he paused as if giving you time to prepare for what he was about to say, “I might have looked into our options for adopting or fostering.” “You did?” “Mmhmm. It’s kinda complicated so we shouldn’t rush into anything and we should probably contact some agencies to ask questions and stuff.” “How complicated are we talking?” “Well, basically, if we want to adopt I think we have to put our names down with an agency and then there’s an interview process and if they think we’re suitable candidates then they’ll put our names in the system and find us a kid. And I guess it depends on the age bracket you’re looking for. I think if we wanted a newborn we’d be more likely to get one through adoption but it might still take a while whereas older kids are a little easier to find, so that’s something we need to consider.” “What about fostering?” “It sounds even more complicated. Like adoption you put your name down and go through an evaluation process but then there’s a few different options. There’s short term fostering where we’d look after kids for a couple of weeks or months while plans for their futures are finalised. Then there’s long term fostering which is usually for kids who can’t go back home but don’t want to be adopted out of their birth families and they mostly stay with you until they’re adults. Emergency fostering is another option which is a few nights or weeks at most but it’s for kids who need to be moved quickly and you don’t always get a lot of warning about them coming to you. And like, there’s possibilities to end up adopting the kid or kids you foster depending on what they want and how it goes.” You puffed your cheeks up with air and slowly blew it out, head swimming with the sudden influx of information, “That does sound complicated.” “Yeah. We’ll really have to consider out options and decide what sort of family we want to have. I think reading about adoption and fostering made me want to do it more though. Cause like...” he paused as he tried to find the right words, “These kids are out there without good homes and I really believe we could give them that.” You noted Ben was getting a little misty eyed, blinking more rapidly to hold back the emotion, so you tried to make him laugh by nudging him and calling him a sap. But you loved seeing how much he cared.  It worked a little as he chuckled softly and shrugged, “Look, either way – adopting or fostering – it's probably not going to be easy. There’s challenges involved in fostering for sure – kids with trauma we won’t be able to understand, kids who are grieving the loss of their birth families or who’ve had bad experiences with other foster carers and who struggle to trust anyone. And the kids who are up for adoption might not have the same problems, especially if they’re younger but, I don’t know, I think finding out you were put up for adoption would leave its own scars. Issues with abandonment and things like that. So I think we have to be really, really sure before we put our names down anywhere. But I also think we could properly help someone doing it, maybe more than one someone. So, if you’re up for it then so am I.” “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “What are you thinking?” More pros and cons lists?” You both

laughed at that but Ben grabbed your arm, encouraging you to leave your seat and sit on his lap instead. He wrapped his arms around your waist and tilted his head up for a kiss which you gladly gave.  “I’m really happy we’re talking about this,” He almost whispered, squeezing you a little tighter. “Me too. I guess we should start by going through all our options and seeing which ones would suit us best.” "I've got some websites bookmarked and a few documents downloaded so why don't I go get my laptop and you make us a drink and we'll start working through it, okay?" "Okay,"

[fishoutofcamelot]

IT’S OFFICIAL! I’M MAKING A MERLIN-THEMED D&D CAMPAIGN!!! <3

Do you like Merlin? Do you like D&D? Do you like the idea of D&D but don’t know how it works? Then The Rising Sun campaign is just for you! (named after that one tavern in Camelot lmao)

CAMPAIGN PREMISE:

Jailbreak! The members of your party have been locked away in Camelot’s dungeons and must work together to bust out. But with a mysterious curse terrorizing the city, that might be easier said than done. Takes place during the three-year gap between seasons 4 and 5.

BASIC INFORMATION:

4-6 players, all at LVL3

Is this your first game? Your 50th game? All experience levels accepted!

Will feature monsters/characters/settings present in BBCM canon

The session will be recorded and posted to Youtube, so even people who don’t play can still join in on the fun!

Wanna chat about Merlin? (And D&D, but mostly Merlin) Join the Rising Sun Discord Server!!!

It’s a oneshot campaign, meaning there will only be one session

Submit your character sheet/s to me (email under the cut) by November 15th!

The exact length of the session will depend on player availability/preference, and how long it takes us to get through the campaign. But expect it to take around 2-4 hours

You can play as a canon character (like Mithian or Percival), or make an OC 

We will be running this through D&D5e (5th edition) as this is what I’m most familiar with. If you don’t know what that means, don’t worry about it!

Players must have access to Discord. Announcements, party talk, scheduling, etc. will be held on an exclusive channel through the Rising Sun Discord Server

WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITHOUT PLAYING?

Don’t worry, we’ve got something for everyone! I want this to be something everyone in the fandom can enjoy :)

The campaign will be recorded virtually and posted to Youtube in 30-minute parts/episodes, with captions available

Transcripts will also be posted to AO3

Join the Rising Sun Discord Server!

Don’t have a Discord account? Information about the campaign will also be posted to the Rising Sun Campaign tag on Tumblr

Feeling artsy? Feel free to post it! Any campaign-related art sent to me (through Discord, Tumblr, or Gmail) will likely be posted to my Tumblr blog and also feature in one of the episodes uploaded to Youtube, provided you give me permission to do so <3

Interested? More details under the cut! 

PROJECTED TIMELINE

November 1: Player Submission period opens

November 15: Player Submission period ends

November 20: Official player + character list announced

December 18-January 18: Campaign session held. The exact date/time will depend on the availability of party members, but this is just the time period in which it’s most likely to happen (it’s my winter break!)

January/February: Campaign “episodes” will be uploaded to Youtube on a weekly basis, with their respective transcripts posted to AO3. Official release schedule to be posted after the campaign has been recorded

SUBMISSION REQUIREMENTS

Submit to my email: ragicmobot@gmail.com

If you don’t know a lot about D&D and want me to teach you/help you make your character sheet, let me know through Tumblr! 

Submissions should include your: 

Tumblr URL and/or Discord ID

Time zone

Expected availability between Dec18-Jan18

Experience/comfort level with D&D

If you are willing to have your face shown in the recording

Character sheet/s

Any homebrew content you would like to use

You can submit more than one character sheet, but you can only play as one character, and only one character will be accepted into the campaign

If we get more than 6 submissions, players will be chosen based on their availability, friendliness, and how well I think their character will fit into the campaign/party

If you’re accepted as a player, I will let you know via Tumblr/Discord before posting the official player list to Tumblr. You will also be granted access to the Party-Only channel on the Rising Sun Discord server

You MUST be a member of this server, as crucial party discussions, announcements, and Zoom links will be shared there

Make sure to have everything submitted by November 15th!

GUIDELINES

My time zone is PST. Expect this to influence scheduling

If you aren’t comfortable having your face in the recording, you can turn your camera off! However, I will ask that you at least keep your mic on

The session will be held and recorded through Zoom. Make sure you have access to this program! 

Due to Zoom restrictions, a Zoom meeting can’t be any longer than 45 minutes. So the session will probably be broken up into 30-minute meetings, with 5-minute breaks in between each one. The Zoom link/s will be posted to the Party-only channel on the Rising Sun server. If I find a more efficient way of doing this, I will let you know

There will be a session zero, also on Zoom, about a week before we record the session. This is just a quick and casual opportunity for us to meet, work out any technical issues, address campaign expectations, talk about our characters, and get to know each other better <3

General courtesy and Zoom/D&D etiquettes apply. Don’t be a dick!

I might end up commissioning/having art done of the Player Characters (PCs). If you’re not okay with that, let me know!

CHARACTER CREATION

Put your character at LVL 3

Homebrew content is allowed, so long as you have me look it over first!

Use the D&D5e character sheet for character creation (if you need help accessing this I can send you an editable pdf, or help you find an online character sheet creator)

CANON CHARACTERS

Make sure all information on your character sheet is accurate to canon. Any deviations from canon (like giving Elyan magic, or making Percival a time-traveler) must be talked over with me first

Does their canon background have holes or unknowns? Fill them in yourself! Get creative <3

If this character doesn’t have a race available in D&D, like a sidhe, then you have two options. You can either homebrew their profile, or you can using an existing race profile that’s similar while clearly establishing what their real race is

When writing their backstory, try to think of how they would fit into the campaign. Why are they in the dungeons? Is Merlin suffering the aftermath of a magic reveal gone wrong? Did Gwaine get into a tavern brawl? Has George been framed for murder?

OCs

Be creative! Time travelers, shapeshifters, orcs - as long as you develop it well enough, I’ll probably allow it

If your character has a race/species that doesn’t exist in BBCM canon - like an elf or a dwarf - then provide backstory as to why their people are never seen or mentioned in the show. Did the dwarves go into hiding during the Purge? Is your character the first of their kind? Were they cursed into a non-human form?

In the event that we get someone to do art for the PCs, please make sure the physical description of your character is very clear and concise. Consider including reference art of some kind as well. This will hopefully make it easier for the artist/s to do their thing

When writing their backstory, try to think of how they would fit into the campaign. Why are they in the dungeons? Did they get caught trying to kill the king? Did their friend turn them in for sorcery? Did they steal something from the vaults?

This should be a chance for us all to goof off and have fun, so I’m not gonna be super strict on the rules. And if you have any questions, hit me up on Tumblr!! <3

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon! (Imagine me as the screeching seagull meme) just pushing through the week. Getting the test out of my mind—it just sucks because there’s always this one test that I completely mess up on—and as someone who has to deal with all honors classes and my grades tend to be good, every time I fail to meet up to expectations my stress skyrockets. (Imagine a world where grades don’t matter and school is learning based rather than mark based...) Family pressures too—okay, wind anon is done ranting.

The update! The drama—I was there the moment it updated and I saw the comments rush in and I was laughing real hard.

But my reaction to the update!

Osamu POV :0!!! The insecurity... “all it did was remind him that he was alone”— I empathize because gosh, that is so real.

The attachment to Meiko though... his emotional state is on a very unstable tightrope. “Osamu had Meiko and he used to have Daichi and Iwaizumi...” that entire section has all my red flags raised. He’s going to completely break when everything comes out.

The loud clang startled me though. I was like “!!!” But it was our YN! Our kind, wonderful YN!! Trying to get snacks wwwwww.

Osamu thinking YN is cute :0 I be having a lot of thoughts about that but him squishing it down is fair. He considers himself to be in a committed relationship (though Meiko does not reciprocate and I am ready to fight regarding that) but I can respect his devotion (even if it is very misguided).

But. “After all, you were the reason Atsumu hated him now and never spoke to him anymore.” My gosh. What do I even say about this? Because the blame is entirely thrown off. I mean, you mentioned before Atsumu had a specific reason for believing in you over Meiko so I’m still waiting for that but Osamu is thinking something wrong but it’s a human action. It’s so easy to blame people to make yourself feel better. And your brain can do it without you realizing the depths of what has been thought.

Osamu being angry (!!!) and being a complete utter douche. YN literally just wanted a bag of chips and you’re here, crowding them in the pantry and being hostile. I don’t have much to say about it because he realized his mistake but by then he already stressed YN really badly and I am...(long sigh).

Atsumu to the rescue. We appreciate Atsumu very very much in this house. It really sucks that Osamu and Atsumu are confronting like this—I mean, Atsumu has been fighting a bit and Osamu had not really been listening to Atsumu on his own end prior to this confrontation so I’m...exhausted and a bit sad in the “It can’t be helped” kind of way.

“Osamu allowed him to, too in shock and ashamed to protest, much less fight back.” It couldn’t be helped considering how everything developed but...it still hurts my chest a bit, y’know? And then Osamu tries to apologize and I’m ready (so so ready) for them to communicate because they desperately need to—

But then Meiko comes in (I am...ready to throw stuff at her. Lots of stuff. Packing peanuts. All squeaky and annoying and bad for the environment just like she is—or something like that, I dunno, I’m half dead because I’m dealing with cramps rn) and all my wishes for them to finally have that much needed conversation where Osamu can finally break down and cry—all my wishes are turned to ash like.

(Angry Wind anon noises)

Meiko rubbing her makeup all over Osamu’s shirt like he is a rag. What in the... And her 4 inch heels please, I cannot, why, I can’t deal with this, I can’t, don’t make me get close to her because I’m like Yachi (stressed out of my mind). Please don’t do this to me. But yeah, Meiko with her poor makeup that doesn’t stay on her face. What the heck....

And Meiko’s scent... gross. Like, brown sugar, cute, nice, baked goods do smell really nice, (ever add a bunch of vanilla extract to a recipe? It like, perfumes around everywhere, it’s insane and wonderful) but chances are (because it’s Meiko), it’s overbearingly sweet. Chinese food (I do not trust her taste in Chinese food to be frank), I happen to come from a Chinese family, I have Chinese food for dinner like everyday, it would take a lot to be able to get that sort of scent on you. And I do mean a lot. And hairspray??? Chemical? I do not,,, I,,, Osamu, why would you breathe that in? It’s gonna be real bad for your lungs? And we already know Meiko smokes as well—your lung health, please value it—

And then the Suna entrance. Wonderfully done fr0ggy!

Final thoughts, I am very much projecting onto Yachi rn. Yachi has been in the house for less than a week and she already has to deal with this. The company should give her a raise. My gosh.

Anyway, might as well do a thoughts/headcanon thing because it’s been a while and my mind is still on gem/jewel stuff (so hope you don’t mind!)

Okay, so Kenma I think would go with a warm colored gemstone, and citrine would work well with him! “Protection against evil thoughts” because we know Meiko has ramped up is insecurity and lowered his self-esteem.

I mentioned this before last time but Sakusa is definitely onyx. That black is iconic, and “sharpening wit” would make sense with his grace for word play and snark.

Akaashi is an interesting one...I think sapphire. I mean, sapphire can have many colors besides the classic dark blue, so that’s one thing, but it’s known for “loyalty and a pledge of trust” which Akaashi gave. I think it’s suitable for him.

Suga...initially I was thinking pearl would match him in terms of appearance, but actually looking at my reference, turquoise would work really really well with him. “Protect from evil, maintain virtue, bring good luck”. Would work well.

For Atsumu and Osamu I wanted something that could represent their duality. My first thought was gold and silver. I mean, it’d fit in terms of appearance but I’m not sure that would be the best comparison. Gold doesn’t rust so it fits Atsumu who never fell for Meiko’s tricks. Silver has been said to vanquish dark/evil beings (vampires, werewolves, the classic silver bullets and stakes). It would be interesting to see if the comparison will apply to today’s update :D!

I like how my brain shut off and couldn’t remember anyone else for a second—anyway, Oikawa... every time I think of him, I want some hue of blue wwww. I guess Aquamarine “soothing influence” would work. Since he joined YN’s side, he has been able to see the big picture and be a voice of reason. He’s thoughtful and I think aquamarine which encourages long relationships is suitable because that is what he wanted. So yes, aquamarine.

Bokuto...is a tough one. I’m trying to still keep with their color schemes a bit. I think carnelian would work. “Health, luck, bold energy, warmth, joy”—it would represent him fine. It’s a bit more orange than I would prefer but it suits him so I think it’s okay.

Iwaizumi... emerald? I mean, he does suit green tones, and “rebirth, regeneration, new hope” would work just fine for him.

Right now my brain is complete mush and I can’t think of anything for Kuroo and Daichi. Like, Kuroo would be red, sure, but the more famous ruby/garnet I think don’t represent him fully because he is still rather contained. Hmm, would need to think about them more.

But I’d like your thoughts on this too :D!!

I wanna do something suitable for all colors for YN, so opal! YN has many different parts and colors and is overall a very vivid person—if you tilt opal, you see more and more faces and things underneath being brought into your eyes. YN may be seen from many different perspectives, but YN is always beautiful and amazing. So opal is what I think YN would be.

Anyway, I’ll end here :D! Need to eat lunch. Much love towards you fr0ggy! Make sure you eat and rest up too~ drink some water or any other fluid to hydrate! And keep warm too. Much love to all the fans and supporters and ask senders too! It’s really awesome seeing and hearing from all of you and seeing new faces with the old. Love the excitement and points you all bring up—makes my brain happy.

MAJDKD I NEED TO POST THE NEW CHAPTER BUT I HAD TO RESPOND TO THIS FIRST BESTIE ILY N I LOVE TUIS — I AM OBSESSED W THE CRYSTAL (??) STUFF??? IVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT BUT I THINK YOIVE EXPLAINED EACH GEM N WHY SO BEAUTIFULLY I AM IN LOVE W U KITH KITH UR SO LOVELY HAVE AN AMAZING DAY (sending u good vibes n anti-stress love >333)

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf. 

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you. 

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness 

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity. 

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it. 

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion. 

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that  unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard. 

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others. 

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary. 

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :) 

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as  a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important. 

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems. 

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things. 

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.) 

 or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me. 

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model. 

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well. 

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3 

[amanda-glassen]

The Wonder Years: Part 4

While getting ready for her first school dance, twelve-year-old Olivia starts a path toward discovering who she is truly meant to be. Parts 1-3 can be found under the the tag #alex and liv: the wonder years

Thank you to everyone who reblogged the last chapter and an extra special thank you to @storiesofsvu @ghostwritingcabenson @oliviaswifey @denpine @cabensons and my two anons for your kind words and encouragement to keep going with this.

Approaching the entryway to her middle school in the morning was always a scary thought for Olivia, but at 6 o’clock on the night of her first school dance, the entryway seemed downright menacing. Other students were excitedly approaching the entryway－some with groups of friends, others with dates－but none seemed to be as nervous as Olivia.

“Ms. Benson, can you take a picture of Olivia and me together?” Alex asked. She handed her phone over to Serena and yet another wave of nervousness hit Olivia. She’s going to hug me or something and my mom is going to freak out again.

The two of them posed near the colorful Spring Fling banner with Olivia afraid to even wrap her arm around Alex. She had wanted to get the pictures over with until she saw how disappointed Alex looked. 

“Loosen up, kid,” Jamie teased her. “It’s your first dance, not your first day of school. Why don’t you twirl her?”

Olivia gave her a confused look. “Twirl her? How?”

“Like this,” Jamie held out her hand for her girlfriend. “Serena.”

Alex and Olivia watched as Jamie did a twirling pose with Serena. When she decided to actually twirl her, Serena let out a squeal that made Alex giggle.

She grabbed Olivia’s hand and tried to get Olivia to go along with it. “Olivia! Twirl me, please! That looks so cute!”

With an encouraging look from Jamie, Olivia held Alex’s hand and raised her arm up to twirl her. Alex smiled and giggled and Olivia considered that giggle to be her new favorite sound and she was now willing to do just about anything to hear it again. 

Alex looked so beautiful and so happy in the pictures and, although she wasn’t too big on social media, Olivia couldn’t wait to post them and brag to everyone about her girlfriend.

“I’ll send you the pictures, Ms. Benson,” Alex said while scrolling through her phone. “You too, Olivia. I’m going to post these and show everyone how cute and dapper my girlfriend is.”

“Alex! Alex!” They heard a girl shout. Olivia looked ahead and saw Serena Southerlyn, Alex’s best friend, walking toward them.

“Hi, Serena!” Alex responded. 

Olivia watched as the two of them hugged and complimented each other’s dresses and hair. She liked seeing Alex with her friends because it made her feel like she was in some sort of alternate universe. Olivia’s friends were mostly boys and they wouldn’t be caught dead complimenting each other’s appearance. Instead, there were high-fives when they greeted each other and the occasional teasing that was all in fun.

“We should go in now,” Alex said to Jamie and Serena. “Thank you Ms. Castillo and Ms. Benson. I appreciate you both bringing us.” 

"What's the rush?" Alex's best friend asked Alex and Olivia. Olivia noticed her girlfriend roll her eyes when Serena approached Jamie. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. My name is Serena Southerlyn. I'm a friend of Alex's and an acquaintance of Olivia's. You are the most dashing woman I have ever seen. Would you escort me to the dance?"

Alex covered her face with her hands. "Serena! You have a girlfriend."

Olivia looked at her mom who had started scrolling through her phone to prevent herself from laughing, but her movement got the attention of the younger Serena. "Who is she?" the twelve-year-old Serena asked Jamie with a disgusted look on her face. 

Jamie reached for her girlfriend’s hand. "She's my girlfriend who is also named Serena."

"And she's my mommy," Olivia said defensively. Once the word 'mommy' came out of her mouth, she was grateful the guys weren't around. Instead it was just Alex who looked at her adoringly.

"You are a very beautiful girl," Jamie began. "And I'm sure you're aware that girls named Serena are always the prettiest and always the most special, which is why there's only room for one Serena in my heart, but I know for a fact it won't be long before some girl sweeps you off your feet."

Alex tugged at Serena’s arm to get her to leave with them. "Some girl already has. She has a girlfriend, one whose parents will be dropping her off at the designated drop off area any time now."

"Fine," twelve-year-old Serena yanked her arm from Alex's grip before gesturing to the older Serena. "If this doesn't work out, Jamie, you know where to find me.”

Mrs. Carmichael’s SUV pulled into the drop off area and when Abbie stepped out of the vehicle in the same navy blue and floral criss cross fit and flare dress as Serena, Serena ran over to her without saying another word. 

It had taken every ounce of willpower she had, but Serena Benson had managed to hold in her laughter until the twelve-year-old Serena was out of earshot. “If she’s like that at twelve, what is she going to be like at seventeen?” She playfully smacked Jamie’s arm. “I guess I just have five years left with you.”

“Forgive her,” Alex smiled nervously. “Ever since she turned twelve, all she can think about is women. And please don’t judge me based on my best friend. I promise my heart belongs only to Olivia.”

Once she heard that, Olivia couldn’t decide if she wanted to beam with pride because of how Alex felt or cease to exist because of how her mom would react. With no idea what to do with herself, she stood there with her eyes wide.

“I’m sure you’re the perfect girlfriend for Olivia,” Serena said as she pulled Olivia in and gave her a tight embrace. Olivia felt like her circulation was being cut off, but what made matters worse is when her mom planted a kiss on her cheek. “My little Ollie. I love you so much.”

Olivia finally managed to move just enough to give Jamie a look that she hoped she would see as a cry for help. “Come on, babe, be cool.” Jamie snickered. “She’s in middle school now. She’s got a reputation to protect.”

Olivia’s reputation consisted of when she ran away the first time Alex flirted with her and the time she narrowly avoided walking into a pole and instead fell down on the cement and scraped her knee as a result of watching Alex apply lip gloss. Now that she thought about it, she no longer had a reputation to protect, but she was grateful for Jamie’s statement nonetheless.

“I’ll let you go,” Serena told her, just slightly lessening the tightness of her embrace. “I want you girls out here at nine o’clock. If not, I’m going in there and I will make an announcement that I’m looking for Olivia Margaret Benson in 6th grade, core 1, Mrs. Peterson’s homeroom.”

“Oh, god,” Olivia groaned, a look of absolute terror on her face. 

“She’s kidding, Olivia,” Alex giggled.

“She’s not,” Olivia worriedly responded.

As soon as they entered the auditorium, Olivia realized, aside from the colorful streamers and punch, the dance was nothing like she expected. The seventh and eighth graders were all on the dance floor, but the sixth graders were separated along gender lines with the boys on one wall of the auditorium and girls on another. Her friends who had all talked big just one day prior were now even too afraid to stand near their dates. The only sixth graders who seemed to be enjoying themselves were Abbie and Serena who were on the dancefloor along with the older kids. 

“Do you wanna dance?” Olivia asked Alex while she scanned the room.

“I don’t know,” Alex responded nervously. “I mean, maybe later. This isn’t my song.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Olivia nodded, feeling completely relieved. “This isn’t my song either.”

Their friends may have been on opposite sides of the auditorium, but what soon brought them together was Olivia’s new haircut, which much to her chagrin, became the topic of conversation among their respective groups. The girls showered her with compliments, some of which made Alex start to feel jealous until Olivia squeezed her hand to reassure her that she was the only girl for her. 

A slow song began to play and, although Olivia hadn’t magically learned how to slow dance over the last few minutes, she knew another romantic gesture might be required to make Alex feel better. Even if I make a complete fool of myself, she’s worth it.

“May I have this?” Olivia blurted out.

Alex narrowed her eyes. “Have what?” she asked before Olivia realized she hadn’t finished the rest of her question about asking her to dance.

Her girlfriend may not have been the most popular girl in sixth grade, but Alex and her friends held enough rank in the sixth grade social scene for that moment to be sufficiently awkward for Olivia with all of them exchanging glances and wondering what Olivia was trying to ask.

“Dance with me?” Olivia’s voice squeaked for a third time that night.

Her question was followed by a chorus of ‘aww’ and ‘how cute’ from Alex’s friends, but most importantly, it was followed by a kiss on the cheek from Alex. “I’d love to dance with you, Olivia.”

Olivia tried to remember every prom scene from teen movies she had watched with her mom on Netflix so she could know where to place her hands during slow dancing until she realized she usually got bored of those movies and the two of them would watch some cheesy horror movie from when her mom was a teenager because Olivia considered those way more fun, especially when they’d turn the lights off in their apartment and eat junk food on the couch while they watched. I guess the Blair Witch Project can’t save me now.  Panic set in once again until she saw how beautiful Alex looked standing in front of her. Her girlfriend’s glittery lips and braces-filled smile put Olivia at ease and, once she focused on her instead of the logistics of slow dancing, Olivia finally started to enjoy herself.

She didn’t know if she had rhythm and she didn’t care because what mattered most to her was holding Alex close while some song about eternal love or maybe heartbreak－Olivia didn’t actually care－played in the background. 

Alex’s coconut body spray reminded her of every good summer memory she ever had and all of the new memories she wanted to make with her that summer. It was the first time she had held Alex that close and for that long and, as much as she enjoyed the time she pigged out on nachos and caught a foul ball at a Mets game with her uncle, she now had a new contender for the best moment of her life, but when Alex whispered in her ear ‘You’re the best girlfriend in the world,’ she knew nothing could ever compare to her first slow dance with the very first girl she would give her heart to.

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Becoming

Halloween is Bee’s favorite holiday and while for most people it’s focused on becoming something new, transforming into fantasies, it is for others about becoming who they really are. 

Related to Silver Fox. Can be read alone. SingleDad!Cal+ Halloween + Cuteness.

Read Silver Fox Here. 

Enjoy my masterlist. 

Support me on Ko-Fi. 

********************

Anahera reads over the text several times, exits the text messaging app, reopens it and still shocks finds her when the text does not disappear. Halloween party on Saturday, 8pm You’re invited. Costume contest too! This isn’t a text message that she should’ve gotten--Anahera played on the school’s field hockey team but she wasn’t that popular to get a text message from Chelsea. Chelsea was on the school’s cheerleading team, up next for captain once the current senior graduated. They worked together once on a physics project and exchanged numbers only to talk about who would do what and to meet after school to run the lab. But that was pretty much the existent of their interactions, besides saying hi in passing in the hallways. 

But here Chelsea was texting Anahera about a Halloween party. Looking up from her phone, Anahera risks a quick glance to her father. He stands outside the car, phone pressed to his ear. A call came in right as Anahera walked up to the car. He paused long enough to greet her and ask how she was doing but he had to return to the call pretty quickly after that. Her practice ran long--mostly because their coach was getting on their case about two girls that got into a physical fight in school and thus were benched for two games. Her dad’s not the type to be overly strict about her going out. But he was a small bit of a worrier and liked to know the parents or at least have their numbers. 

Anahera turns back to her phone and pulled up Levi’s thread. Did you get an invite to a Halloween party on Saturday?

It’s only a couple of moments before Levi replies. Yeah. ‘rents already said yes. What about you?

Levi was the last child in a line of four, so it was never really a shock that their parents let them do pretty much anything as long as they could say who they were going with and what time they were going to be back home by. Anahera glances back out to the window and notices Calum nodding along to whatever is being said. When they catch eyes, Calum puffs up his cheeks and crosses his eyes just to get a laugh out of her. Anahera shakes her head with a small chuckle and sticks her tongue out in return before returning to her phone. 

Haven’t asked yet. Afraid he’s going to say no. 

Your dad’s not like that. Let him know you’re going with me. My curfew is midnight. Dan’s on dial too--just in case. 

Dan was nice, and even though he was the oldest of their siblings, he wasn’t big on partying. He was quiet, played video games mostly and occasionally went out. But as the only one with a car, he became the go to one for rides to and from places or as a quick line of defense. Anahera normally had a curfew around eleven. However, if she led the question with Levi’s plans and Dan being their ride, then her dad might be more flexible about extending the curfew. Anahera would also have to promise that her homework would be done Friday night because if she didn’t, Calum would certainly use that as a way to be hesitant. 

The only way to find out her answer is going to be just asking flat out. Leaning across the console, Anahera rolls down the window. The buzzing and whir catches Calum’s attention and he takes the phone from his ear. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll be off in five and get you some dinner. I know you’re probably starving after practice.”

“Thanks. Um, actually I wanted to ask you if I could go to this party on Saturday. It’s at Chelsea’s. Levi’s going and they have to be back home by 12.”

“Halloween party?” Calum asks. 

Anahear nods. “I’ll have all my homework done on Friday. I’m already done with one essay and I think there’s a math set packet Mr. M is handing out on Thursday to help as extra study material for the test on Monday. And Bee’s already reading over my college essay so when I get the edits it’ll be like super quick.”

Calum sighs, hearing the voice on the line droning on. “Levi’s going? And their parents know Chelsea’s parents or have their number?”

“I-I don’t know. I just know Levi got the approval to go. Please, Dad. I can ask Chelsea tomorrow about the number thing. But please can I go? Dan’s on speed dial in case we need a ride.”

Calum holds her gaze, mouth twisting up. Bee had asked what Calum and Anahera had planned to do for Halloween. Normally, the two of them dressed up and handed out candy to the kids in the neighborhood that came by trick or treating on the day of Halloween and during the weekends, sometimes they went to haunted houses or Anahera hung out with Levi in her room, watching scary movies until ungodly hours in the morning. Anahera’s eagerness to go the party didn’t strick Calum was strange. She’s settled into her junior year, her birthday passing in September. However, Calum did start to miss things from before. Like the way Anahera always wanted to hang out with him and how they always had plans for Halloween. But things were changing. She was growing up and Calum was going to have to grow with that too. 

He nods. “Yeah, you can go. But,” he starts interrupting the squeal from Anahera, “the edits your college admission essay need to be done before you leave on Saturday. You’re not struggling in math too much, and I trust you with whatever you need to make sure you get a good grade on that test on Monday.” Anahera wants to apply early decision to a couple schools and the rest are regular decisions. Bee advised that it would be easier for her to finish the essays early and that way the only thing to stress about come the summer and start of senior year were getting the letters of recommendations. Though the essays that Anahera were drafting for college apps right now were samples/examples. Anahera wanted to have a bank of a couple different kinds that wouldn’t need too much extra work to fit to the questions before being submitted. 

Though Calum suggested that she not worry that not much closer until time, Anahera insisted that she wanted some practice and considering that the beginning of the semester wasn’t that congested with work, it worked out well. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Anahera exclaims crawling over the console and hugging Calum through the open window of the car. 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Love you.” He knows he’s clinging a little too long but he doesn’t want to forget the way Anahera squeezed in her hugs. It was a trait she had since she was little and Calum’s not sure where she got it from. However, there was nothing like a hug from her--even when she was small and she sensed something was wrong, she would run up to him with her favorite toy at the time in her hand and squeeze him tight in a hug. She would always tell him not to be sad because she would always have hugs for him. 

“Love you too!” Anahera replies easily. 

Calum gets off the work call soon after that and climbs into the driver seat, or at least he attempts to. Anahera hasn’t left the driver side seat since getting the okay for her venture to the party. “Ma’am. I know you’re getting closer to that license but I think I’m still in charge of driving for just a little bit longer.”

Anahera laughs. “Oh c’mon, Pops. You know I can handle this no problem.” She over dramatizes taking a sharp turn, hands passing over each other and lightly brushing the cover of the steering wheel. She hasn’t tested yet but they get out early on the weekends for practice and Calum keeps encouraging her to test. It’s yet to happen, but he’s hopeful. 

“Maybe on Sunday you go for a spin. But it ain’t Sunday yet.”

Anahera looks to Calum with her brows raised. “Promise?”

“Promise.” They hook pinkies and she climbs back into the passenger seat. “Subs?”

“Oh, you know exactly what I was thinking. But that might just be that you’re my dad.”

“Maybe,” Calum laughs, “maybe.” 

Anahera relays the news to Levi about her approval to go to the party. Any costume ideas? I’m a giant nothing. Levi asks. Anahera thinks about usual superheroes, the sexy costumes. But those wouldn’t work out too well. 

Couples costumes? Or too lame? 

I love you, Ana. But I am not going in some dumb het. normative costume. 

Anahera snickers at the text. I didn’t mean like couple couple costume. But like matching/same universe or something. 

Oh, oh, hmm, that could work.

Stranger Things--Scoops Ahoy Steve and Robin? That message comes through at the same time that Levi suggest pirates. Oh, pirates could be cool? We’d have to get to the mall to shop possibly. but I promised to have homework done before Friday. 

“Wanna eat inside or get it to go?” 

Ana looks up and sees that the car is parked outside their favorite Italian place. Anahera shrugs and unbuckles. “It’s everyone else’s problem if I stink, not mine.”

Calum laughs. “That’s why there was the option to not kill everyone with your funk.” He locks the doors, taking a quick glance at the parking lot. He doesn’t spot Bee’s car. He know she doesn’t take too many hours at the restaurant during the week, but occasionally she takes a few or she comes in when they need more help. He wasn’t sure if she was working both jobs or not. But given the number of cars in the parking lot, he can’t really get a good look around. 

Inside is crowded. Though most people seem to be getting orders to go, lined up at the counter as compared to the pretty empty dining area. Calum and Anahera stand the podium to be seated for a couple moments. Anahera is buried in her phone while Calum glances around. He spies Bee at the counter, handing over a stack of three pizza boxes to a man. The woman he’s with comes up and takes the bag Bee hands over. “Just two?” a voice close by cuts in. A younger guy who Calum hasn’t seen before stands in front of them. 

Calum turns with a nod. “Yes, just two.”

“Booth or table?” the young man asks. 

“Booth,” Anahera returns with a smile and follows behind as they’re escorted to the booth. Calum throws one last glance back to the counter. Bee happens to glance up and throws a small wave which Calum returns. 

“Can I start you all out with something to drink?” the young man asks, pen in hand. 

“Water,” Calum answers, slipping the sunglasses up into his hair and Anahera replies with the same. 

The young man nods. “Lemon on the side okay?” With nods all the way around, he starts over to the drink mission. 

Anahera turns directly to the sub and sandwiches section of the menu. “See your boo,” Ana teases glancing up for a moment. 

Calum shakes his head, cheeks heating for a split second at the tease. He and Bee have been dating for a little seven months. Anahera wasn’t shocked after discovering the hickies that fated day but she never fails to say that she’s the thing that brought them together.  “Yeah, I saw her,” Calum returns. “So about this party? You and Levi know what your costumes are going to be? Like going in something matching or separate?”

“We’re thinking about something matching. They suggested pirates or something but I don’t think I have anything in my closet that could work and I would ask to go shopping on Saturday before the party but I wasn’t sure how that was going to go over.”

“Hmm, if you needed to borrow anything from me, you could. Or if Levi wanted too, they could as well. And it comes down too, I could take y’all Friday after school.That would give you Saturday morning to work too and then get ready. Or whatever works better.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll let them know.” Anahera works her fingers over the screen, the keys highlighting for a second before dropping back down to their normal size. “And thanks. For offering to take Levi and offering your closet.”

Calum knows Levi’s parents haven’t super well to their coming out and using they/them pronouns. However, Levi’s siblings have defended them and Anahera too. He wishes he could do a lot more. He’s tried to help as much as he can, being there for Levi when they need someone but he knows it’s not always the same--it’s not like having their actual parents being supportive. “Of course. You two have been friends since elementary school. Almost feels like a second child at this point--Levi’s family at this point.”

“You’re pretty awesome, Dad.”

“I can only ever do my best, sweetheart. That’s it.”

“Yeah, but your best is still pretty great.” She’s quick to return to her phone no doubt relaying everything to Levi. The waiter returns with their waters and runs down the specials for the day. Anahera orders her turkey panini with salad and fries. Calum overs the Philly cheese steak with just fries. 

“Hey guys,” Bee says as she stops by their table. The dinner rush has slowed for the time being. 

Calum tugs on her wrist and she falls into the side of the booth, his bumping against his side. His arm slides around her waist in a quick hug. “Shocked to see you here. Not even a Thursday, so you can’t tell me close to the weekend.”

“Terence’s books were more expensive this semester--so I’m trying to play catch up right now.”

“More expensive?” Calum questions, twisting in the booth to look up at her. Bee gives Anahera a quick hug before turning to stand at the edge of the table. “Why don’t you sit?”

“Boss is here today. Don’t want him complaining. And Terence signed up for an extra class, said he was going to be a class short if he didn’t fully load up his schedule. And it’s cheaper to do it now than it is to take the one class during the summer. I budgeted for right around 250 for books but the extra class was in English and it ran just under an additional 200 dollars just for that class.”

“Another 200 hundred?” Calum gaps. “You’re telling me you spent over 400 dollars in textbooks?”

“Just about 400 dollars. He’s looking for scholarships to help with textbooks. But with basketball it’s not like he can pick up a job. I need him focusing on his grade to keep the scholarship that he does have. The refund should help recover costs some but most of that I’m giving right back to Terence in installments.” 

Calum nods, knowing about how Bee likes to put money into Terrence’s account. She does it so that Terrence can take care of anything that comes up in case of emergency, but she know sometimes the team goes out for dinners and other things. He’s got to be a kid in college while still in college. What Calum didn’t realize is just how much Terrence didn’t know about what Bee did behind the scenes for him. Terrence came home for the summer, well before summer conditioning and they hung out, and Terrence knew Bee worked her ass off to help him but she hadn’t pulled the veil back to reveal just how much she busted ass to make his games, keep him afloat and never stressing about money. 

Calum respected that and never discussed money in front of Terrence. But part of him did want Terrence to know just how much Bee was working so that textbooks were the least of his worries. “You know I’m here, for anything,” Calum offers, wrapping his fingers around hers. 

Bee nods. “Thanks. I appreciate it. But get ready, you’re next,” she teases, laughing before glancing over to Anahera. “Once I get home I can send you my suggestions. They’re on my laptop and I didn’t bring it with me to this job.”

“Don’t worry, Bee. I appreciate you just taking the time to read over it.”

“Of course.” The bell above the door chimes and Bee turns, greeting the family that just entered letting them know she’ll be right over in a moment. “Alright, duty calls. Enjoy your dinner.”

Bee squeezes Calum’s hand and then turns on her heels to go to the podium. “How are we tonight? Besides just a smidge hungry?” Bee jokes, grabbing menus. The group laughs just a little bit before following Bee to a booth about three down from Calum and Anahera. 

“You think Bee would take me and Levi shopping?”

Calum perks up at the question. Anahera and Bee get along well but Bee’s careful about suggesting that she and Anahera spend time together. As Calum knows and understands, Bee doesn’t want to come across as being pushing or trying too hard but she doesn’t want to seem like she doesn’t care. They’ve gotten manicures together or gone out just for ice cream--it’s always been small things. However, Anahera seems to enjoy that time together. 

“Ask, can’t hurt. If her schedule allows, I think she’d be happy to take you and Levi,” Calum answers. He bites down on the corner of his lip to contain a small portion of his smile. Bee’s been the one to schedule most of their activities together or at least initiate them. But seeing Anahera take the lead on this one is a good sign. 

“Oh, you’re right. She might be working. I don’t want to make her feel bad if she’s working?” Anahera enjoys the time she’s spent with Bee. When they got the gel manicures, it was fun. Bee picked out Anahera’s color and they were able to sit next to each other as they talked about watching True Crime documentaries and Ana told her all about the new music she had been listening too. Bee was cool about all the jokes Anahera made, and once their colors cured under the UV lights, Anahera spent nearly thirty minutes sitting outside the shop just showing Bee all the videos and memes that she had saved recently. 

Bee felt like her dad’s girlfriend, but she also felt like someone that cared about Anahera too. It was a nice feeling to have another girl to talk about things that just got it. And whatever Anahera didn’t want to go back to Calum, didn’t get back to him. Anahera mentioned to Bee before Calum about Levi and what was happening at home for them. Anahera begged Bee not to say anything to her dad. Not that she thought Calum wouldn’t be understanding but because Anahera just didn’t want to out her best friend to someone they weren’t ready to be out too. However,  when Anahera needed someone to talk to about Levi, Bee was gracious and patient and promised not to breathe a word to Calum. So when Levi came over for the first time to come out, while Bee and Calum were  fixing dinner, Bee’s reaction was like she had heard the news for the first time. Calum was shocked but grateful to know and the change was immediate, though a little bumpy at first. Anahera called Bee later that night to thank her for being supportive of her best friend. 

Also in terms of pirate costuming, as much as Anahera adores her dad, she knew only Bee would get her vision for her costume and be able to help her. Also Bee could also help Levi put together their costume so that the two of them matched but still kept a distinct air to the both of them.

Bee passes their table right after they get their orders with a tray full of drinks for the table that she has. However on the second pass by, Anahera manages to snag her attention. “Do you work Saturday morning?”

Bee ponders for a moment. “I work here starting at 2. What’s up?”

“I got invited to this Halloween party and Levi and I want to go as pirates. But we both need a few things to help with our outfits. Would you mind taking us and helping us out?”

The grin that breaks across Bee’s face is so big Calum’s sure her cheeks are going to split right there on the spot. “Yeah, I’d love to. Mall opens at 9. How does 10 sound? Would that time work for them as well?”

“I can ask.”

“Text me whatever works best, okay. I’ll pick you up first and then we’ll swing and get Levi.”

Anahera nods and turns back to her salad just as Bee turns back and continues down to the kitchen. “So I’m getting the boot I guess.”

“I guess you can come too. Do you and Bee have plans?”

“Bee asked if we had plans. I told her our normal plans are using dressing up and doing a little decorating to hand out candy or you watching movies with Levi but now that’s different. So I’m not even sure.”

“Just remember, I’m coming back home at midnight sharp.” Once or twice, Anahera’s caught the embarrassing glimpse of a kiss getting pretty heavy. That’s enough, she doesn’t want to see anything more than that. 

Calum gapes for a moment around the sip of his water. “Missy, who’s the parent here?” Anahera goes quiet, shoveling the last bite of her salad into her mouth. “That’s what I thought.” With their dinner finish and check paid, Calum and Anahera slip out from the booth. They both say goodbye to Bee before leaving. Anahera promises to text Bee the second she gets a time that works well before 2. 

It’s only later in the night, after Calum gets a text from Bee that she got home safely that he calls her. She doesn’t answer immediately. However about 20 minutes later, his phone rings from her. “Hey,” he says settling into the pillows. Tammy’s curled up on his lap. The click of paws outside the door alerts Calum that Anahera’s moving around the house and Jake’s following right behind her. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. The restaurant was crazy when I walked in but the rest of the night calmed down. How was your day?”

“Nothing too grand until I surprisingly ran into you,” he chuckles softly into the receiver. “I just want to say thank you for agreeing to take Anahera and Levi shopping. That-that means a lot to me.”

“No need to thank you, Cal baby. But you’re so welcome. I love Ana and Levi. I’d do whatever I could for them.”

“No, I do need to thank you. I know you’re working hard to cover what you had to spend on Terrence’s books but you taking the time to spend with my daughter and her best friend--it says a lot more about your character than anything.”

“Thank you, Calum. That means a lot.”

“Of course.”

“With Anahera and Levi going to the party, are you just going to hang out on Halloween?”

“I guess. I don’t know. Unless of course you’d like to spend some time together after work if you’re not too tired of course.”

“I’m only working a 5 hours shift. I picked up part of someone else’s shift. So if you wanted to do something after 7, we can. Your neighborhood’s plenty active right? Like you hand out candy and what not?”

“Yeah, there’s enough kids that come out. Would you want to dress up? I totally get if you don’t want to, with work and everything.”

“I would love to dress up! Halloween’s my favorite. But once Terrence got too old to trick-or-treat, I kinda didn’t have much reason to do a lot. The apartment complex does like a small thing for the kids, but nothing like the neighborhood I was in before Terrence and I moved.”

“Might I crash the shopping party on Saturday? I know depending on how long it takes you might have to duck out before things finish but while they shop for their costumes you and I can plan something too.”

“Sure, you can crash the shopping party. Do you decorate?”

“Used to when Anahera was younger. Not a lot much inside. It’s more outside decoration for the kiddos as they come up to the door.”

“Well I look forward to a fairly spooped out house. Trick or treating starts around 6 so I’ll miss the first hour but after my shift ends, would it be okay if I just came directly to your place and changed? What time is the party for Anahera and Levi?”

“Yeah, sure you can come straight to my place. Their party starts at 8 and Levi’s brother Dan is dropping them off at the party and dropping them Ana back off afterwards. Or at least I need to make sure that’s the plan. Even if I have to drop her off, if you come to my place, trick or treaters can still get their candy fill while I drop her off.”

“Okay, cool. Thank you.” A yawn cuts off the last little bit of the sentence. “God, sorry.”

“It’s been a long day. I get it. Get some rest, babe.”

“Wait, I gotta email Anahera. Stay on the line with me until I finish that. Then I can go night-night.”

Calum chuckles at the repetitive phrase. It reminds of when Anahera was younger. He’t tuck her in at night with a kiss to her forehead and a sweet bid of “Night-night. Sweet dreams,” without fail. And it appears that even though children might grow out of the phrase, parents never do. “Okay, I’ll stay on until you do that. Do you have any costume ideas?”

“Something witchy. Or vampires. Or we can go with something with a bit more gore. I think I have some special effects makeup left in that kit.”

“I know you said Halloween is for favorite but for someone that doesn’t celebrate like before, I’m a little lost on why you have a kit.”

“Library holds some special readings every quarter. Theme was fairytales so we dressed up and used some special effects for some wrinkles for the old fairy godmother. And I just got the big kit because I figured it would last for more than reading. There’s some fake blood in it too. I like to have all my options.”

Calum hums, the pillows surrounding him starting to pull him into sleep as well. Just closing his eyes won’t hurt. It’s quiet for a moment, faintly he can hear the taps and clicks of Bee on her computer. “Oh, what about something with Bonnie and Clyde?”

“Like them dead? Because I think I could be down.” The sentence is a little slow to fall from Bee’s lips. 

“Hmm yeah maybe.”

“Thanks for staying up with me even though we both about to pass out.”

“Anything for you.”

“Goodnight, Calum.”

“Hey, that’s a good night-night and sweet dreams to you, Bee.” She laughs softly into the receiver and it’s the only sound Calum distinctly remembers hearing too. 

Friday night Anahera is sure to show Calum her changes to the essay and when he nods, kissing the top of her head, Ana tries to hold back her excitement. She and Levi have talked about their costumes. Though Levi’s unsure of if they should go with a vest or not. They don’t have one and buying one would be pointless just for the one costume. Anahera suggests if they find one cheap they could add it to the costume without fear of not necessarily wearing it out again. 

Calum agrees to drive separately from Bee, Anahera, and Levi when Saturday rolls around. The second Bee showed up Anahera dove into the vision she and Levi had for the costumes and what they both already have in their closest. Calum catches wind of a skirt and he waits for a moment unsure if that’s a smart idea. However, Bee is quick to suggest fishnets in addition to the skirt. Fishnets isn’t the answer he would’ve given, but Calum knows this is not his time into the court and let’s Bee take the lead on how to best handle wearing a skirt to a party that Calum’s almost certain alcohol may sneak its way into the mix. He knows he can’t shield Anahera forever from the world but he definitely doesn’t want her introduction to be harsh. Amongst the glimpses of conversations that he catches about the skirt, he catches onto the addition of shorts underneath too and lets out a tiny sigh of relief. 

Levi hangs back as Bee and Anahera enter the first store. Calum lingers back with them.“Skipping this one?” Calum asks. It’s an H&M and there’s no doubt in Calum’s mind that they can find something here. They mentioned wanting either a jacket or the vest and then needing a thick belt or fabric to help with their look. They already have the white button up, jeans and boots for the costume. 

“I-It’s a lot easier to like look online at clothes.” The confession leaves Levi’s lips softly. Calum nods, understanding that online no one says anything if they switch between men or women’s. However, the physical stores has to be a whole different ballgame, the anxiety about looks that people might give tot hem. 

“If you want, I’ll stick with you. Whichever section, I can be right there.”

“You-you don’t have too, Mr. Hood.”

“It’s Uncle Cal and you know that, Levi. Besides, you’re not Anahera’s best friend. You’re part of my family. So whatever you need me to do is out of love, not obligation.”

The tears collect on their lower lids. “You consider me family?”

“Always have, kid, and always will.” With an arm slung over their shoulder, Calum proposes a deal. “What if you help me with my costume and if we just happen to find something for you, then we just happen to find something for you? How does that sound?”

Levi gives Calum a quick hug before nodding. “Sounds-sounds good to me.”

“C’mon. I think I see a suit jacket that might be perfect for Clyde. But I need younger eyes because I forgot my glasses.” 

As the pair walks towards the suit jackets, Bee slides over and slips a few tissues into the palm of Calum’s hand. He hands them over to Levi and there’s a silent nod of recognition between all of them. Bee zips back over to Anahera, knowing that she had to talk the young girl out of the platform boots that Anahera doesn’t need considering the pair that she just got for her birthday. 

As Calum and Levi thumb through the blazers, Calum can see one particular red ornate blazer has caught their attention. So he plucks if off the rack, pulling the medium size one off the rack to start. He can’t quite gauge their size and he doesn’t want to ask someone to measure Levi. Holding the jacket open for Levi, Calum silently asks them to try it on. “I think it might look better on you than me. I think my days have passed. Besides the red blazer I have at home reads more captain than pirate. But it’s always a look you could go for.”

Levi slips their arms into the blazer. The sleeves swallow their arms and hits them too low on their legs. But the light is evident in their eyes as they look into the mirror on the wall. “Wow,” they breathe, turning to see what it looks like from the back. 

“I say we try the small. This is a medium.” Levi nods, slipping out of the jacket and taking the small from Calum. “This isn’t a tailored cut. Meaning it doesn’t cut in or cinch at the waist. This is a standard fit.” He straightens the collar out for them and grins at their smile. “Arms out straight in front of you,” he directs looking to see if the sleeves come up just a little or not all. They rise just a smidge. “Okay, reach up for the ceiling.” Levi does so without seeming restricted. “Is it tight anywhere?”

“No,” they return, shrugging their shoulders. “Not tight. It’s a little loose but like a good loose.”

“Fitted jackets and blazers can be harder to get in smaller sizes sometimes. If you want this, we can get it today and then after the party to get fitted a bit better, go to a tailor.”

“My parents would not be happy though,” Levi counters. 

Calum nods. “I know that’s rough. But what if for right now, we get this and if they ask, you tell your parents it’s mine and I let you borrow it for the costume. The next time you come for to visit Anahera, I can take you to get it properly fitted.”

“How would I get it back home? My parents don’t like spot check my room but they’d notice me with this kind of jacket.”

“You leave that to me. While it’s easy to say smuggle it in your backpack, they’ll wrinkle it. But trust, between Anahera and I, we’ll make sure you get it to your room undetected.”

“I don’t know Mr. Hood. Seems like a lot of trouble.”

The nerves are understandable and Calum does not want to push them to do anything they wouldn’t want to do. “Alternatively, you find a vest for the costume and Bee and I find some fabric that’s fancy and you use that to tie around your waist as as the glamour you and Ana want. The blazer’s a dream for when you feel safer.”

“Yeah, yeah I like that.” Levi slowly removes the blazer and puts it back onto the hanger. “There’s, uh, there’s this,” they state, lifting up a standard black denim like vest. 

“Okay, so something along that vibe. Gotcha.” Calum thumbs through the rack and pulls out a similar vest but this one has silver buttons and embellishments that make it feel a bit more elevated, more pirate-y. 

As Levi tries that one on, Calum texts Bee to grab the red blazer from off the end of the rack and add it to the pile that Anahera’s collecting. He promises to pay her back. Within a minute of the text sending, he watches Bee approach in the mirror and grab the blazer, quickly stashing it under the racks in her hand. There’s a yellow sweater on top and a few black items beneath it as well. 

“Lookin’ good, Levi!” Bee calls out, leaning behind the racks to make sure the blazer is concealed. 

Anahera isn’t far behind, dragging Levi over to the shoes. “You should get this vest,” she says before returning to her point about not knowing which sneakers to get. 

“They didn’t go for the blazer? It looked good,” Bee ponders quietly. 

“Worried about their parents blowing a fuse. But Christmas is coming up, so hopefully things are different then. If not, I think they’d still appreciate it. And I know if I wait, it’s going to be gone.”

“You’re right about that. Ana and I are done for Halloween. You might have to convince her she doesn’t need 80 pairs of the same shoe. But while you distract, I’ll check out.”

Calum nods, heading towards the clearance shoes where Anahera and Levi are huddled. “I’ll give you the money tonight.” 

Bee nods and makes a straight shot for the registers. After a trip to the fabric store for Levi’s belt, and a dive into Bee’s favorite hair care store to get headwraps for the both of them, Anahera and Levi are set for their costumes. Calum knows buried in his closet is a white dress shirt that he can throw on along with a black suit jacket, so he’s not too worried that he’s walking out the store empty handed. 

Bee looks down at her phone again, teeth capturing the skin of her lips--her boss at the restaurant texted if she can come in an hour earlier. She almost doesn’t take the extra hour but Calum assures that now the costumes are set, that if she needs to take the extra hour then she absolutely take it. None of them will be mad, or feeling like she’s dipping out just to get away. “You sure?” Bee asks Calum after relaying the predicament, watching as Levi and Anahera duck in line for pretzels. “Ana’s not going to feel like I’m being mean or dodgy?”

“Babe. No. I don’t think so.” He kisses her forehead. “I know things are tight after the textbook fiasco. If you need to take the extra hour, do it.”

“I’ll keep the blazer in my bag and then bring it back to your place after they leave for the party.”

“Okay.” 

She gives her quick goodbyes with hugs to Anahera and Levi, before kissing Calum softly goodbye and backtracking to the opposite end of the mall, where they parked. The shopping continues for a little bit longer, but Calum doesn’t linger too much allowing them their space. They agree to reconvene outside the sporting goods store in an about hour. 

It’s a dangerous game to duck into one of the jewelry stores. Calum’s not even looking for himself and it sounds crazy and too soon for thoughts of a ring cross his mind. But he tells himself he can just browse, just fantasy about what that might be like. 

“Who you looking for?”

He turns to the voice and see Anahera saddled up beside him. “You two have another like half an hour to be free.”

“Not much else here,” she returns. “Looking for Bee? Is her birthday soon or something?”

“Just looking,” Calum returns with a shrug, trying not to draw too much suspicion. 

“Ana, look!” Levi calls out, waving their hand to beckon her closer. “It’s an anklet like you were looking at in the other store.”

Anahera ducks over, just to look. Soon they leave the mall. Levi asks if they can just get changed at Calum’s place which is an easy yes. Calum takes Anahera and Levi for a quick lunch before Levi grabs their costume, an overnight bag and their backpack from their house. Tammy and Jake run up from the depths of the house to greet all of them. The pets and scratches are happily received.  “So scary movies to pregame for the party tonight? What’s on the agenda?” Calum asks. 

“I should do the World History homework before the party,” Levi starts, laughing a little. 

“But we probably will watch scary movies,” Anahera finishes. 

“Go figure,” Calum agrees. “So what time should I pick you both up tonight? Or is Dan still your main man?”

“Dan said he’d pick us up from the party and just drop us off here. He said he was going to be out at that time anyway,” Levi relays. 

“He won’t be drinking?”

“Nah, Dan doesn’t drink. I think some friends of his are also throwing a party and he’s used to being the DD. He said it was something about a mixer? I don’t really know. But we’ll text him when we’re ready. Is midnight still okay?”

“Mixers are just different clubs, or whatever, getting together,” Anahera cuts in. “Girls field hockey has them with the guys division and other sports after school sometimes. I assume college mixers are way different than ones in the high school gym though.”

“Yeah, midnight is still fine,” Calum answers. 

Once they return to the house, it’s fairly silent. Anahera and Levi go into her room and Calum takes the moment to decorate the outside of the house. He started yesterday, mostly with the hanging decorations and the lights. Today’s mostly putting on the certain yard decorations. There are some tombstones that he stakes into the ground and a few giant fake spiders that he sets out. The decor was more extravagant in years prior. But knowing Bee will be stopping by means that the lazy decorating won’t cut it. 

With the outside done, Calum pulls down the bags of candy from the pantry and pour them into bowls. He’s sure to separate the chocolate from the non-chocolate stuff. He even has a separate bowl for any candies that are chocolate and have peanuts or other nuts in it knowing that some kids in the neighborhood may have allergies. A few parents put out an alert on the neighborhood watch app. There was a year, now as Calum recalls it must’ve been three years ago, where the majority of the houses had only chocolate candy making it impossible for one kid to get any candy that they could enjoy. Calum took the leftover non chocolate candy to the house after reading the heartbreaking plea from the parents. 

“What’s for dinner y’all?” Calum asks after both Ana and Levi resurface in the kitchen rummaging through the snack pantry. “We got about an hour before trick-or-treaters start showing up. Pizza? There’s leftovers too, but I think I’ll be nice and order something.” 

Both of them readily agree to pizza and Calum places the order without needing much more convincing. He’ll finish off the last of the spaghetti leftovers he fixed yesterday. The pizza will not last long between the two of them--never a shock anymore to Calum anymore. He changes first into his costume knowing it won’t be fully complete until Bee shows up from work however, he would rather be one half when kids start showing up. 

Though Calum slips into an older black suit. It’s somewhat of a shock that it still fits. But it’s a testament to the personal trainer for sure. Calum does make sure to include the hat. The curls don’t cooperate off the bat, requiring a little bit of assistance from some hair gel Anahera suggested to him to help. Finally, he gets the curls tamed enough to slip the hat on. His dress shoes click over the hard floor and it is echoed by Tammy and Jake finding him and walking behind him. 

“Uncle Cal did not come to play,” Levi jokes around a bite of pizza. 

“Dad, who even are you? I don’t know this man,” Anahera laughs. Calum does a spin and laughs as the two of them whistle. Soon Thriller comes over the speakers. No doubt Anahera pairing her phone to the speakers downstairs. “Show ‘em, Dad. Show ‘em how you groove.”

“Miss Bee’s gonna faint when she sees you like this. I want a video,” Levi laughs. 

“The old man’s still got it,” Calum returns and slides his fingers over the brim of the hat. The giggles are quick to subside after the song fades out. They toss out the pizza box and wash their plates before going back to Anahera’s room. 

“I’m stealing your dad’s wardrobe,” Levi says as they pass through the living room. “Taking notes.”

“Oh, don’t make his ego even better.” The two of them laugh and the door closes before anything else can be said. 

The first half hour of trick-or-treaters is a little slow and mostly toddlers or infants being carted around by their parents. However, Calum enjoys seeing the various pumpkin costumes on the babies as they walk up the driveway and porch. They don’t seem bothered by the night which he knows the parents are grateful for. Exactly at seven, his phone chimes and interrupts the Halloween Party playlist Calum turned on, playing on the speaker he normally uses for outdoor parties. 

I’m headed out now. It’s from Bee and he replies in acknowledgement before setting the phone back down and grabbing a couple handful of candies for the group of sheet ghosts that waddle up the driveway. “Trick or treat,” they chorus.

Calum laughs. “Well, this is a predicament.” He looks over their hands. “I can hear some trick-or-treaters but I don’t see them.” He looks over his yards, hand above his brow to emphasize the point. 

“Boo!” One child giggles. 

Calum jumps, finally looking  down at them. “Oh there they are.” The candle rustles in their bags as he drops off some for them and they reply with their thanks before going back to the parents waiting at the end of the driveway. 

“I scared him, Momma!” The kid cheers and the parents laugh, with a nod. “I’m so scary!”

“Oh I know. The scariest,” the mother returns. They move down to the next house. Another fifteen minutes later, Calum notices headlights slowing down and turning into the driveway. Bee continues up and pulls right up to the garage door. 

“Oh my god,” she gapes walking up on the porch. “Look at you.” Calum greets her with a hug and a kiss to her cheek. “By God, you look sharper than Sunday morning.”

The heat in his cheeks only increases. “Thanks. But I’m missing my other half.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Bee teases, kissing him softly. 

“I think it’ll get me plenty-where.”

“Be back in two shakes and a twist.” Calum nods, watching as Bee walks into the house. More children come up to the house. He drops off candy to some Cookie Monsters, witches, Captain America’s, and Spiderman’s. Ten minutes later, the front door opens and there are only a couple clicks of the heels. When Calum looks up, he nearly loses his breath. The sweater and skirt are fitted to her figure, hinting to what he’s always known is there, has witnessed more than once, but she keeps it hidden under jeans or skirts at work. Not that he’s upset about that, it all makes sense. He just wishes she showed it off a little bit more. The little beret and scarf really complete the look. 

It’s Calum’s turn to be gobsmacked. “Holy shit, you look great.”

“Thanks. I’ve been told to remind you that the party starts in about ten minutes. And they’ll come to the front porch once they’re ready. I got stopped in the hallway,” Bee laughs, sitting in the seat next to Calum. 

“Noted.”  

Another group of children approaches, this time a group dressed in various costumes from Winnie the Pooh. One girl is Eeyore, there’s a Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet. The parents are dressed as Owl and Rabbit. “Twick oh tweet,” the one dressed as Tigger says quietly a shy smile on their face. 

Bee gasps, chest clenching at the matching costumes. Terrence and his friends would do something similar, group costumes. His group costumes weren’t as cute as Winnie the Pooh but still memories come flooding back of superhero costume debates.  God, sometimes she wishes she could make Terrence small again, cherish the moments where all he wanted to do was be up under her as she cooked or cleaned. It all just happens too fast. 

Bee drops some candy into their buckets. “It’s the whole 100 Acre Woods. I won’t tell Christopher Robin that guys you dropped by.”

The kids laugh and say their thanks. “I miss dressing babies up,” Calum confesses. “Anahera and I used to always do matching outfits and she was so happy to bounce up to houses.”

“Terrence would go as athletics or power rangers. I wish my complex did more. I miss the decorating and having to hide the candy from Terrence.”

“High up in cabinets,” Calum laugh. 

“He got too tall for that and too crafty. Hide it in my drawers. He didn’t mess too much in my room.”

Calum chuckles. “Smart. Did you hide Christmas presents in there too? Because I still struggle with that.”

Bee nods, watching more kids walk up and shouts “Trick-or-Treat!” The two of them drop off candy into their buckets and bags. “I leave it in the boxes, if I order online. With Terrence in college now, it’s easier now. Get crafty and hide it in the bathrooms.”

“Now that’s a thought.” 

A family comes up, dressed up in leather and bling. “Oh, we got some rockstars,” Bee teases, nudging Calum. 

The little girl is dressed in her leather jacket and her brother is in a jacket that matches and it melts his heart. Calum tries not to show it, tries not to gush too much at the costumes but they are adorable. He sneaks them a few extra pieces of candy. “Keep on rockin’ out,” he grins at them. 

They smile in return, “Thank you!” in their excited squeals leaving both of them. 

Calum clutches his chest as they leave and Bee laughs,  “Don’t die on me. You gotta survive.” 

“We did that one year,” he sighs, finally sitting up in the chair. “Anahera wanted to go as me and I bought her this silver blazer. I’ll show you the pictures.”

“Oh, that’s precious. I can’t wait to see them.”

The trick-or-treaters slow down and Calum knows the end is nearing for them. Things usually end right about 8 in the neighborhood, though the general unspoken rule it so linger until about 8:30 just to catch all those that might’ve gotten a later start. But he and Bee stay out on the porch. She stacks the empty buckets and sneaks an Almond Joy for herself. “The decorations look good. And I just realized we completely forgot the fake blood.”

Calum shrugs, grabbing a small Snickers. “It’s alright. Most of the parents got it regardless.” They received a few compliments throughout the night but not too many. Most of the time the older kids walked up by themselves but when parents did shadow behind, they were quick to gush at the couple’s costumes. 

Anahera and Levi pop out onto the porch a little while later and Calum excuses himself to drop them off. Though, Bee snaps some photos for them and Anahera returns the favor by taking some photos of Bee and Calum together. The teases from the two are more than enough even when they don’t attempt to pose Bee and Calum in the standard high school prom pose. Calum and Bee go along with it mostly for the laughs. 

Bee starts to clean up in Calum’s absence and puts things inside the house. By the time she starts to wrestle with the speaker, Calum’s returned and helps her get it back inside. She ducks back to her car to grab the blazer for Levi and takes it from the bag so it can straighten as much as it can. Calum’s quick to hang it up to help as well. “Do you work in the morning?” Calum asks, pulling the hat from his head as he reenters the living room from the back of the house where his bedroom is located. 

“At the library, yeah. But I can hang for another hour or two. Unless of course I pass the fuck out.”

“I know that feeling. You hungry?”

Bee follows behind into the kitchen, her own beret and scarf removed as well. “I ate at work, but thanks.” She leans into the counter, eying the box of popcorn that seems to have been left out. Popcorn does sound good. She knows she shouldn’t. But just a little wouldn't hurt as they watch a movie. Sneakily, she pushes the box closer to Calum. 

He giggles, noticing the green box moving closer to him. “So I’m going to assume you want popcorn.”

“Please?”

Calum nods, waving for her to come closer. She steps in close, resting against his chest. The microwaves beeps before whirring. Calum kisses the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her waist. “The hottest Bonnie to walk this Earth.”

Bee laughs, kissing along his jawline. “Thank you. I think you cleaned up well as Clyde. Almost cut me looking so sharp in this suit.”

They share a kiss and the beeps of the microwave interrupts them. “What’s on the movie menu tonight?” Calum asks, bumping the bag into a bowl. Bee’s not in love with horror films but can generally stomach more gore than straight up horror. Rather than dominating the conversation with suggestions, Calum lets her take charge. However, they settle on whatever is playing on the TV, after a good twenty minutes of failed decision making. Bee snuggles into his side, a blanket wrapped about the both of them. 

“Where’s the picture of Anahera dressed up as you?” Bee asks during a commercial break. “I need to see this.”

Calum stretches forward to grab his phone and scrolls for the photo. “So this is the look she wanted to recreate,” he says showing her a picture of himself from so long along Calum’s shocked that he remembers it was actually him. But the picture of him in the silver jacket on stage instills a lot of memories. 

“Oh look at you! How old were you in this photo?”

“Twenty-two, twenty-three. It feels like a lifetime ago. But,” he starts swiping through the pictures again and pulls up the one of them side by side, rocking the glittery blazer and slicked back hair. “Here’s my little girl matching her old man.”

“God, she looks so much like you. It’s insane. But this is so cute.”

“Thanks. I will say if you think Anahera and I look alike, it’s a family trait.”

“So you look like your parents, huh? Like you got spit out.”

Calum nods. “Yeah. My mum’s the culprit. My sister and I look like she sculpted us personally. Also speaking of blazers, I still have to pay you back. How much was it again?”

The movie continues on around them as they settle the payment. Stories filter on about their children’s past successful or failed costumes. There are some stories about their exploits in their younger years. Kisses are shared, soft and languid. Some are sweeter due the candy they snuck during the night too. Hands slips under dress shirts or sweaters but Calum and Be don’t go too far. Just kisses and exhales and intoxicating themselves with the other. During a commercial break, Bee excuses herself to the bathroom and it’s only then that Calum realizes that it’s closing in around 11 pm.

Calum cleans up their mess of kernels and wrappers. When Bee returns she finds Calum in the kitchen, hugging him from behind. “I’m gonna head home to get some sleep.”

“No, don’t leave me,” he whines. 

“I know. I don’t wanna either. But out of respect, ya know. Can’t just be randomly spending the night.”

Calum kisses across her knuckles. “I appreciate it. Let me know when you get home safely okay.” 

“Will do.” Calum walks Bee to her car and kisses her goodnight before watching her pull down the driveway. Not even before he can get to the porch, another pair of headlights cuts through the night. He watches it pull up into this driveway and notices the tag--it’s Dan. 

Levi and Anahera step out of the car both of them giggling incessantly. “Oh fuck,” Ana says loudly upon seeing her dad. “Shit.”

Calum can already tell alcohol’s been involved. But there’s only amusement as both of them attempt to pass off like they’re sober. He takes Anahera while Dan helps Levi up the steps. “Seems like there was definitely been some fun tonight,” he teases, fixing both of them classes of water. 

“We won the costume contest!” Levi declares. “And maybe had a shot or two.”

“We got third,” Ana corrects. 

“Sstill placing.”

Calum tries his best not to laugh at their not sober antics. “Drink some water. Honestly, how many drinks?”

“Only like two, two and a half,” Ana confesses hiding behind the class. 

“It’s clear sweetheart, so I can still see you.” 

“Damn.” 

Levi laughs, slipping down into the cushions. The headscarf slips off their head with the action but they don’t seem to notice. “Are we screwed, Uncle Cal? I really really can’t afford to get into trouble.”

“We’ll wait to see if you’re screwed when you wake up tomorrow.  If you feel like ass in the morning, you’ll have to deal with that and there’s no reason for me to dish out any punishments.”

“If we don’t feel like ass?”

“The fear of getting caught coming home shamby from a paper is punishment enough,” Calum chuckles.

With a glass of water down each, he helps them to the room, mostly herding them from the walls to keep anyone from knocking their head on a picture frame. “Thanks, Dad,” Anahera sighs, leaning into the wall for a little bit of support. 

“There was a reason why most of your homework had to be done before the party,” he grins. “Holler if you need me, okay?”

Calum texts Bee about their return, safe but not sober. Damn, should’ve stuck around to witness that. Need an extra pair of hands? Bee replies. 

Seems like we’re all good. Thanks. 

Also please send me the photos of us from tonight? Whenever you can of course. I think if we had gone to a costume contest we would’ve won too.

Of course. Definitely would’ve won with a woman like you on my arm.  

Calum rises first the next morning, and doesn’t disturb them immediately. However, closer to late morning, he knocks softly on Anahera’s door. “Yeah?” Ana calls out and as he peeks inside he notices they’re still up. Levi is sitting on her bed and Ana at her desk. 

“Oh, thought you two might’ve died at some point in the night. Glad to see I was wrong.”

“We didn’t drink that much.”

Levi snorts. “I had to get you Advil.”

“Shut up,” Anahera huffs, dropping her head in her hands. “I’m okay, Dad. Really. I’m fine. Just like a minor headache that’s all.”

He shakes his head. “You’ll learn eventually. Pancakes on me this morning, how does that sound?”

“I’m down,” Levi answers. Their attention is locked on the screen. 

“I’ll let you know when food’s ready.” Calum states to the room and begins to shut the door but still can faintly catch Anahera asking Levi about the blazer. He leaves the door slightly ajar but walks back to his room the jacket hangs right where he left it. He wanted it to be a present, wanted to get it tailored. But he knows he can’t wait. Calum pulls it off the bar and shuffles back to Anahera’s room. Slipping his arm through, he hooks onto the knob on the inside and then closes the door. He waits for a moment. 

“No way! No fucking way!”

The door swings open, Levi gripping the hanger and shaking the garment. “You totally didn’t?” Their voice cracks just a little as the emotion rocks them visibly. 

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. But I mean you’re holding the jacket, so I’m pretty sure I did.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” they gush, tackling Calum into a hug. 

“Anytime, kid, anytime.” While Halloween’s typically celebrated and seen as a way to become and dress up like someone else, it doesn’t mean Levi doesn’t deserve the chance to dress like themself. “If you have to keep it over here, I get it. And I had anticipated waiting on giving it to you, but felt like now was a good time.”

They dance up and down the hallway with the suit jacket and Anahera laughs, recording their excitement. She’s careful not to post it on anything public. Her socks cause her to nearly slip and fall as she rounds the corner to the kitchen. Calum’s at the stove, flipping over pancakes when she hugs his side. “Thanks for being awesome. About the drinking and getting Levi that blazer. They love it.”

“The drinking’s one thing because you embarrassed yourself. The blazer--well I couldn’t not get it.”

“I know it’s because you’re amazing and awesome and like the best person to walk the planet, but it really does mean a lot.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. I’d do just about anything for you and Levi.”

“Only just about anything?”

“Hey, that’s still a long list and included on it is making the two of you pancakes so you two can study because there’s still school on Monday.”

“Oh don’t remind me,” she laughs, popping to kiss his cheek and then scurrying back around the corner of the kitchen. 

“That’s my job!” Calum shouts. 

“You do it well!” 

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

[angrylizardjacket]

mouth full of white lies {Machine Gun Kelly} 6 // FINALE

6. you know, you’re my whole world

Summary: So you’re actually together! Hooray! But filming is going to wrap, and your brother wants to to talk, and what if this is just a summer fling?! Colson says it’s not, you think it’s time to start trusting what he says over your own anxiety.

A/N: It’s not NSFW, im really not in the headspace to write smut. 

the brainstrust: @sataninsatin @silvertonguedserpent @juliarose21 @estxxbritt @machine-gun-casie @harringtonstudios @misscharlottelee @narcvissa @hiworlditishumbleme @angelwarner28 @nevilles-insinuations @rumoured-whispers @mgkobsessed @edwardtriggerhandzz @suckerforbarnes @wastelcve @bakerkells @local-troubled-writer @freddiessmallnipples @oopsiedoopsie23 @mayaslifeinabox @mrs-machinegun-norris @hxbbit @lilytalebi 

----

Filming is due to wrap in a few days and you don’t quite know what to do with yourself. You’re flailing a little bit, like you seemed to do at the end of every project. It’s not that you didn’t know how to fill your time, you did; your own career filled your time very nicely when you wanted it to, but this is the most time you’ve spent with your brother in a long while and you weren’t looking forward to saying goodbye.

Back in LA, you’re trying not to cling to the cast, or more specifically, to your brother and your boyfriend, and it’s working on set, but after filming wraps for the whole band scenes, you feel yourself growing quiet as the boys suggest celebratory drinks. Douglas still has a few final shots they wanna film, but it’s the last time they’ll need the whole band together, at least until potential reshoots. It’s Thursday, and in a week and a half there’s gonna be a wrap party, and you’re all still going to be hanging around until then, Colson most of all since he lives here, but it feels so final.

“How’re you holding up, Duck?” Daniel finds you hovering by the bar of the club that you didn’t catch the name of, while your brother was buying drinks down the other end, and Colson was having a smoke, and you were trying to not act as awkward as you felt.

“Good, good,” you assure him, nursing your still-full drink, “it’s just gonna be weird not to see you guys every day.”

“We can call you every day if you’re feeling lonely; it might be two in the morning, I’m not great at timezones,” he tells you with a smile, and you grin back, thankful, at the very least, for the gesture. 

“Colson’s house is never empty, I don’t think I’ll ever be lonely,” your voice is fond, and Daniel snorts into his drink, giving a knowing hum, “but I might still take you up on that offer,” you paused, before your grin stretches wide and you bat your eyelashes at him almost comically, “would you sing to me if I asked nicely.”

“If I did, can I tell people it’s because you asked, and not because I miss playing Vince?” 

“Absolutely; your secret’s safe with me.” The two of you cheers to that, and it’s starting to hit you just how much you’ll miss this cast. After a beat, you sigh a little forlornly, but aren’t given time to dwell in your melancholy before your brother rejoins you.

The night eases on, and you feel yourself relaxing with the people you love by your side, bar hopping into the early hours of the morning, dancing and drinking, and sloppily making out with Colson in various dark corners. It’s a night that’s blurry at the edges, heart warm and conversation easy, falling into bed laughing when the sun comes up. When you wake the next day, it’s to your brother calling and inviting you out to eat.

“Late brunch,” he calls it.

“I think at this point it’s just lunch.” You yawn around your answer, and you hear Colson laugh into his pillow, which makes you smile. You tell him you’ll be there in an hour, to which Colson groans, surfacing from his own pillow to dramatically sprawl over you.

“How are you even awake, man?” He sighs when you put Douglas on speaker, “we don’t have anything to do today, why not celebrate and sleep in.”

“He’s always been like this,” you sigh, just as Douglas answers almost identically. With a shake of his head, Colson presses his smile against your cheek, followed by a kiss. 

“Dude, you’re a robot,” Colson mutters, though it’s fond, and he rolls back over, pulling his pillow out from beneath his head and holding it over his face, yawning into it. Douglas invites him to lunch, but Colson graciously denies; “I love you guys, but as soon as Ducky leaves, I’m passing the fuck out again.” 

When you get to the cafe your brother has picked out, he’s doing his utmost best to act casual, but you see through it almost immediately by the way he’s rearranging the sugar packets instead of looking at you.

“What?” You ask him flatly as you pick up the menu; finally he looks to you, all wide-eyed feigned innocence.

“Can’t I just want to get lunch with my dear sister?”

“You can, sure,” you concede with a nod of your head, opening the menu, your eyes on the drinks, “but usually you’re less obvious with your ulterior motives.” Flicking your gaze from the menu, already knowing what you want, you can see him grimace.

“I don’t know how to word it,” he admits after a beat, still fiddling with a packet of sugar, not meeting your gaze; you try to prompt him, but he beats you to the punch; “how long did you intend on pretending to be with Colson?” 

Alarm bells are ringing in your head and it takes all your self control not to slap a hand over his mouth. Instead, you shush him loudly, looking around, frantically, terrified someone had heard. When you look back at him, you see a faintly amused smile, and you realised that your reaction had managed to confirm all of his suspicions. 

“How long have you known?”

“A while,” and he’s less cagey now, settling back in his chair. The waitress comes up and you both pace an order for a drink, him looking calm and collected, you looking like you’re about to leap across the table and maul him at any given second. After she leaves, after she’s out of earshot, he continues, “since you told me you loved him, and two days later he came up to me and asked if it would be weird if he was in love with you; I just thought ‘why would it be weird? You’re together aren’t you?’, but then it hit me.”

“It’s not - fake -” you whisper the word, “anymore.”

“I can tell,” Douglas says with a gentle fondness. He doesn’t seem mad, just thoughtful. 

“What?” You ask again, softer this time, a little sheepish, like you’re just waiting for him to ask why you lied to him. But he doesn’t.

“Are you happy, Duck?” It hits you out of left field, almost winds you, and you see the genuine concern in his eyes.

“Of course,” you tell him, and he wears a familiar smile, “Colson makes me so happy, Doug,” you admit, and his smile widens.

“I’m just glad you two decided to get your shit together,” he mused, “because you know I was not above parent-trapping the pair of you.”

“I think you’d have to get in line behind Casie,” you said with a slight smile, and Douglas laughed brightly, though you considered for a moment, “what a strange pair you’d make, you two trying to get Colson and I to admit our feelings for each other.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already got a plan already figured out; I saw her on set, you’ve gotten yourself a duckling of your own,” Douglas tells you, and you can’t help the embarrassingly pleased little smile.

“You think so? She’s such a cool kid,” you enthuse, trying to play it off, but your brother gives an almost disbelieving smile.

“You’re cool, Duck.” He assures you, and you can’t help feeling pleased at his compliment.

The rest of lunch goes smoothly; Douglas asks you what your plans are after filming wraps, and you tell him that you’re probably going to stay with Colson, that you’ve got a few events lined up in LA in the next few months. He’s heading back to New York, has a film festival coming up, and some press to do for Mary Shelly, which was set to come out in June, and some travelling he wants to do.

“If you see mum and dad, give them my love,” you tell him, and he promises he will. You don’t get home much to see your family anymore; work keeps you much busier than you’d ever imagined.

The last few days on set feel like one long farewell, and it’s sad to see the few that still come in getting a little teary as they wrap.

“I’m gonna get absolutely blitzed, or I’m gonna cry my eyes out,” Josy tells you over lunch on the final day, the two of you discussing the wrap party the following night. Though you chuckle, you can’t help but know exactly how she’s feeling.

Heart in your throat, you can’t help but feel a little fragile as you get ready to go out to the afterparty. Colson, however, doesn’t seem to share this mindset.

“You look hot as fuck,” he announces, watching you apply your makeup in the bathroom mirror, already dressed for the night. Giving a sad little smile, you pause for a beat, and he joins you, rests his chin on your shoulder, “what’s up?”

“This has just been... it’s been so much, it’s weird that it’s coming to an end.”

“There’ll be other projects -” he plants a kiss on your cheek, his arms coming to wrap around you.

“I know.”

“And other movies -”

“I know.”

“And you know this crew isn’t just gonna forget about you, or each other -”

“I’m related to Doug,” you sigh, and Colson snorts, nodding, and he steps back, gives you space to turn and wrap your arms around him, though you’re still pouting, “but what if you realise I’m just... boring or something when we don’t have a film keeping us together.” And you press your face, your nervous worry, against him. 

“First of all, you’re not boring. I don’t do boring girls,” he tells you flatly, “and between the two of us, we’ll always be busy anyways, but it doesn’t matter; how many times are we gonna have this conversation?” He asks with a slight frown, and you humph against him, “you expecting me to kick you out? Just cut and run? No fucking way.” And there’s an edge to his voice, something that stirs something deep inside of you. “As far as I’m aware, you’re mine, Ducky,” and a shiver actually runs down your spine.

“All yours?” You hear yourself murmur, leaning back in his arms and letting your gaze flicking to his lips, which quirk into a smirk. “I like hearing you say that.” His grip tightens almost imperceptibly, but you feel it, can see his grin widen.

“How late are we allowed to be do you think?” He asks, giving you a suggestive squeeze. After a beat, you lean into him, kissing him hard, letting the contentment wash across you as he hums appreciately against your lips before you pull back.

“You’re the star, so as late as we want.”

“Hello! Hello and welcome back my ducklings! Since so many of you asked, here is an update on how things have been between myself and my dear boyfriend since you last heard about us, which was quite a while ago. And also a get ready with me! Because it’s the premiere! Of our movie!” 

“So I know since The Dirt stopped filming that I stopped sort of having Kells in my videos, and that’s because we’d been so uber public in the beginning of our relationship that when we had time to just us, we wanted it to be... more personal, more private, you know. Which might seem weird, but it’s how we like it.”

“As you all know, so much has been happening with us; we’ve been living together basically since The Dirt finished filming, or as much as we can, since we’re both travelling so much. I’ve been making my way around conventions, as well as being a part of a few more films set to come out in the next few months, meanwhile my talented boyfriend has been writing a whole new fucking album, as well as filming Big Time Adolescence with Pete, but that’s not coming out for a good long while.”

“Yes! Yes I’ve met Pete Davidson, I’m Pete-certified now, you can all calm down. Pete, Casie, and Rook have all approved me, do not stress, and Doug has approved of Kells - has always approved of him actually.”

“We spent Thanksgiving with Casie and her mom which was really nice, and I’ll have photos of us - here -” and a photo of yourself, Colson, and Casie sitting around a dining room table flashed onto the screen, followed by a selfie of Colson with you and Casie asleep together on the sofa behind him.

“Christmas I had with mom, dad, and Doug back in England, while Kells stayed back to be with Casie, but don’t worry, I flew back in time for him to be my New Year’s kiss. Casie actually got me the cutest present; so back when The Dirt was filming, she came and hung out on set, and she got her makeup done by our team; she looked so cool! Anyways so she got a photo with me and Kells, him in full costume, me lookin’ a little bit like a potato next to those two, but it’s such a cute photo. And she got me a phone case with that photo printed on it. I’ve been using it ever since, I love it so much!”

“Kells’ birthday, as I’m sure you’ve all seen, was an absolutely wild rager, which Doug came to, even though it meant he saw me do some things that no older brother should ever see his sister do - get your mind out of the gutter! Nothing like that! I just made some questionable decisions that night is all. But my man had the night of his life, and I couldn’t be prouder of him!”

“We’ve been travelling, and working, and just... it’s so good to have it all come full circle. It’s good to be back with all the cast and crew; I’ve missed them all far more than I thought I would. And Kells has been talking non-stop about seeing them, he’s in the other room planning a pub crawl as we speak.”

“So I suppose I’m just trying to tell you that we’re doing good. Really good, actually, it’s been over a year but it definitely doesn’t feel like it.” You pause, wearing a small, almost hopeful smile. “This is gonna sound really stupid, but I never thought working the Motley Crue movie would lead to all this.”

“I think he might be the love of my life.”

[nrth-wind-a]

Aaaand that’s the last of these kiss prompts! One last one that I had @flamekeeperbellroc pick a kiss type for me because I need at least one where Skrael was givin Bells a kiss! Here is [Forehead] + some fluff to make up for the angst just now <3 --

“Bells? Are you alright?” Skrael gave a gentle knock on their door.

He didn’t mean to hover; he really didn’t. It was just… 

“You’ve been listening to… ‘Mr. Brightside,’ on repeat for the last hour? It’s not-- a problem, per se, just--”

The sounds of The Killers turned less audible through the walls, and Skrael could hear shuffling inside their bedroom. As he was about to turn back to his own room, feeling horribly awkward, Bellroc’s door opened a fraction. 

He whirled back to face them, quickly. As of now was his first actual sighting of them since the morning, when they’d grabbed their favorite 21 ounce mug, filled it near to the brim with barely-lighter-than-black coffee, and stalked back to their room without a word. 

Standing in front of them now, he gave them a once-over, worry growing. He knew what they were working on-- it was the project all three of them had to turn in by the end of the semester-- and while it wasn’t quite that Skrael was unbothered by the assignment where they were, it was just… Bellroc had been having a bit of inspirational trouble. 

The assignment had all three of them out of their comfort zones, to be entirely fair-- randomly assigning them a classic style prompt. 

But Nari had been the luckiest of all three of them, getting “historical vintage - mid-60’s”; it was different from her modern designs, but it still fell rather squarely in her skill range. She adored making flowing silhouettes and using lighter colors than either Bellroc or Skrael favored, to bring out a more natural look on her models. The hippie movement of the era would support her concepts perfectly.

Skrael, on the other hand, who had managed to end up with “black tie,” wasn’t particularly struggling either, but he did have to consult the professor on more than one occasion about toning down the hints of alternative fashion that had slipped into more than one of his drafts. 

Bellroc, however, had ended up with “sportswear.” 

And it wasn’t that they despised sportswear clothes. They understood that the style served a function that was in high demand. They even held a certain respect for designers that could make their entire careers in sports fashion. 

But it was also nearly the polar opposite of the formal, campy, vaguely punk designs that they wanted to make into their brand.

 So it had been difficult. 

Bellroc raised an eyebrow at Skrael’s sudden silence, and before he could try to remedy that, they turned to walk back into their room. They left the door open, though, so Skrael knew he was being invited in. 

This was furthered when they mumbled, “shut the door behind you, please,” as they sat back down at their desk.

He complied, grateful for the excuse to do something, as he gathered his thoughts.

Skrael started with something easy, to breach the subject’s surface, but only just. “So... How’s the project going?”

They shot him an unappreciative look. 

He winced. “That bad, huh?”

Bellroc exhaled through their nose. “Yes.” It sounded nearly physically painful for them to admit that.

Skrael softened, walking over to place one hand on the back of their chair, and the other on their desk, as he leaned over to get a look at what they’d been doing. 

His brow furrowed. “Wait. I thought you said it wasn’t going well. These look great!”

They gave a frustrated groan. “They’re fine, I guess, but they feel… typical. Boring. There’s nothing about them that would stand out in a Nike store.”

Skrael hummed. “Well, I suppose that’s true. But do they have to stand out? Don’t you want them to look like they belong there?”

“Maybe if it wasn’t Overton. But you know how he is. He’ll dock points immediately for unoriginality.” 

Skrael gave a quiet sigh. They were right. 

“Hm. Okay. Well. Let’s brainstorm. Wanna bounce some ideas off me?” He asked.

Bellroc considered the idea, and Skrael gave them one more nudge, “I don’t mind.”

They looked at him skeptically. “You’re not busy, too?”

He shrugged. “Nah. Overton and I have another draft meeting tomorrow, so I’m at a good stopping point.”

“...If you’re sure.” They hummed.

“I am. Now. What do you have so far?” He asked, glancing down at the various pages scattered around their desk. “I see these, which I still think look great,” he gestured to the top page, “But how are the others?”

Bellroc gathered the pages into a stack and passed them off, “Here. Feel free to rifle. I’ve stared at these for way too long today, anyway.”

Skrael accepted the stack with a reassuring smile, before he flipped through them slowly, taking it all in. 

“Hm… Okay. I like pages one, three, four, five, and seven; I think those are your strongest pairs so far. Have you considered trying shoe designs?”

Bellroc nodded, “Yeah, but I’m saving those for another day. I wanted to get the clothes done first.”

“Right. Well, the jacket on page three is really nice. I highly recommend making that one of the main statement pieces. The pants on page one are good, too, and… I mean, honestly, everything on pages four, five, and seven seems nice to me, too. And none of these have been colored yet, so I’m sure you could do something with that. Maybe experiment with some various palettes? Add prints or patterns to some of these?”

They nodded, gesturing for him to hand back the sheets. He did so, and they scribbled out the notes he’d given on the back of page one, adding them to a long list of crossed out brainstorm ideas that were already there.

Skrael couldn’t help a small, fond smile, before they glanced back up, and he schooled his features into something more neutral. 

“I was thinking about some prints on the shirt; they might add something dynamic to them, make them less flat. It’s just, there’s only so much you can add to workout gear before it gets in the way of actual physical activity.” They grumbled.

“Can you not do athleisure wear?” Skrael asked.

“Overton said not to put that many of those pieces in it. He’s looking for functionality.”

Skrael frowned. “Oh. Well, okay, so, not too many distracting prints, but a few would be alright, right?”

They nodded. “Yeah; a few. I’ll probably rely on patterned fabrics, though. Lots of geometrics.”

“Ah, yeah! Geometrics are nice for workout gear.”

“Mhm. Thing is, there’s only so many hexagons you can apply to something before it gets repetitive.” Their voice was wry.

Skrael snorted. “True.” 

Silence fell in the room, then, as they both tried to brainstorm further ways to combat the unoriginality problem.

After a few moments, Bellroc finally chucked out an idea, and Skrael picked it up and ran with it, leading them to a new idea, which again allowed Skrael to follow it to another one, giving Bellroc even more creative inspiration. They carried on this way for a while, Skrael eventually ending up in a pulled up chair next to Bellroc at their desk, as they traded concepts back and forth, occasionally throwing out ridiculous ones, just to get the other laughing. 

Finally, Skrael suggested, “Maybe you could mess with texture? Or some different-looking fabrics?” He perked up. “Oh! How about--”

Their eyes went wide. “Reflective metallics?” They finished for him, also sitting up straighter, and he flushed.

“Have you already considered that one?”

“No, but I…”

“--like those kinds of flashes when you need to spice up a piece. Right. That’s exactly why I was gonna suggest it.” he caught on, smiling.

“Exactly.” They grinned back. “Well. This has been a very successful session. It seems I should have started the Mr. Brightside loop, earlier, hm?”

Skrael laughed softly, “Maybe so. Do you think you’ve got enough concepts now?”

Bellroc beamed. “Yeah. Thanks to you.”

Skrael shook his head. “Thanks to your brilliance.”

Bellroc got a funny look on their face that Skrael couldn’t quite identify, but to avoid an awkward silence after his… disarmingly honest compliment, he said, “So. Can I steal you for a break, now?”

Bellroc looked a touch relieved at the subject change, before a sly grin crossed their face. “Mmm… if I was convinced…” They shot back.

“Well…” Skrael’s eyes turned mischievous. “We haven’t had a bad horror movie night in a while.”

“Oh, that might just do it.” They smirked.

Skrael resisted the laugh that threatened to break his demeanor, as he playfully said, “I know what you like.” He winked.

Not one to be outdone, they matched his tone. “You sure do, darling.”

“Only the best for you, my dear.” Skrael stood back up, but before Bellroc could stand, too, he moved one hand to their shoulder, looking them in the eyes. 

“But, first. On a serious note, are you sure you’re feeling up to it? I won’t force you; I just think a break will be good for you.”

Bellroc stared into Skrael’s eyes, searching for something, before their face eased into a softer expression. “...Yeah. I’m sure. I feel a lot better, now. Which is also thanks to you.” 

Skrael was no stranger to their hugs, so feeling their arms loop around him, he adjusted quickly, reaching to wrap his arms around their shoulders, placing one hand on the back of their head.

“I’ve got your back, Bells. Always.” 

Neither of them acknowledged the soft brush of his lips against their forehead, for fear of breaking whatever had just passed in the air between them, but as Skrael’s chest warmed, and Bellroc’s face heated, they both allowed themselves a hidden, indulgent grin.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

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*put*

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*foot*

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DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!