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generallybarzy · 3 years

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hey there, stranger. x

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine

an: this was supposed to be out on new years, but oh well! Let's keep the holiday magic going as long as we can!!! It has officially (actually at 11pm later today on the 22nd) been a year since i created this blog, and since Maty played so goddman well tonight, it’s only fitting to finish this. Its been three, beautiful, perfect months since you first met your loving boyfriend, and its the end of the year. time for the ball to drop, and for you to drop a metaphorical ball on mat to ring in the new year. A new year hopefully filled with so much more emotion and growth- both romantic and personal.

taglist: @selenophileangel @deleausvp @dunnwithlyfe @smit41 @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @matbaerzal @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @hockeyhughes11 @folkloreflyers @nazdaddy @shawnsreputation @comphybiscuit @aboveaveragehockeyboys @canadianheaters @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @baby-cat-nol-pat @heybarzy (i’m assuming you wanna be tagged, if not, lemme know), @d-cozens

word count: 3.7k (longer than usual!!)

playlist (specifially the song I Feel Good About This by The Mowgli’s)

The days between Christmas and New Years were always the slowest for you. Having to spend the in-between of your holidays alone was tiring and the cold winter weather just wore you down more.

This year, though, you couldn’t be happier.

After meeting Mat’s family on Christmas day, you were on cloud nine. You were becoming more and more confident in this relationship and where it was headed, and for the first time ever, you couldn’t wait to see how it played out. And though Mat’s hands had not traveled further than they had on Christmas, you could practically feel the sexual tension in the air. He just had to hold on for a bit longer. With your three-month anniversary approaching, you still felt it was much too soon to take that step, despite the emotions that were becoming more and more overwhelming every day.

The six days between Christmas and New Years were spent in Mat’s apartment, as your campus was closed for Christmas break and you didn’t want to stay all alone in that tiny dorm when you had such a loving boyfriend who was needy and had stayed in New York for you instead of flying to Vancouver to see his family. The quickest thing you learned during your stay was that the best treatment for the gloomy winter blues was a simple dosage of time with Mat. Though Mat still had three games to play between Christmas and New Years, every second that you weren’t there watching him or watching from the couch, you were together, cuddling on the couch in the central heating of his expensive apartment, baking cookies, and cherishing each little moment.

Though you had hoped to be able to cuddle him all afternoon before going out into chilly Times Square to watch the ball drop, he had a game in D.C. on New Year’s Eve, and so you’d be spending most of the day alone before he got back.

Mat woke up this morning, a few hours before having to leave for practice, his arms around your body. He wanted to wake you up so that you could spend time together before he left, but he didn’t have the heart yet to wake you. You looked so peaceful, lying against his chest like this, in all of your glory. Makeup-free, messy hair, but still just as beautiful as ever. Mat’s hand found its way to your cheek, warm to the touch, and his thumb dragged gently over the smooth skin, careful not to wake you.

The night before had ended in celebration, cheers and drinks and laughter, as the two of you had just found out that Mat made the 2020 All Star game in St. Louis, and Mat still grinned thinking back to your reaction.

“Oh my God, Maty!”

“Yeah, yeah!” he laughed along as you held onto him and jumped in excitement. “I know!”

“Congrats, baby!! I knew you would do it!” You were easily more excited than him, and he felt his heart swell with pride. Not pride that he had gotten into the All Star Game, he was excited about that, sure, but not as much as he was proud to have made you happy. Proud to have you proud of him. That, that was what warmed his heart.

“Thanks, babe.” His arm wrapped around your waist and held you close, bringing your celebratory jumping to a halt.

You looked up at him with confused, pretty eyes. “Aren’t you excited? I feel like you’re not celebrating as much as you should be.”

“Of course I’m excited! This is amazing.”

“You’re gonna be playing with all the stars!! All the players you used to watch and look up to!! You are one of the stars!! I can’t believe it, Maty. My boyfriend is a star!!”

“Hey, hey.” He laughed a bit, trying to keep his modesty. It felt amazing, being considered a star, sure, and he still couldn’t believe it. He was so excited to be in the All Star Game, of course, but he didn’t want you to think that was all he cared about. He didn’t want you to think of him as a star hockey player. No, he was your boyfriend. So, he played it casual. “This isn’t my first one, you know, you don’t have to congratulate me like this.”

“Mat.”

“It’s cool, but I mean, it’s not like it’s my first, it’s not as special as last-”

“Shut up, shut up baby. My beautiful, amazing, talented boy. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or your hundredth game, alright? I’m still gonna be proud of you. Because you’re talented, and beautiful, and so, so good and passionate about hockey.” Your small hands caressed his cheeks, and as much as he tried to play it cool, he felt the blood rise to his face and a smile breaking through his lips. And you noticed too. “Actually, Maty, you love hockey so much there’s no way you wouldn’t be ecstatic about this. I think you are excited, but you're trying to seem cool. Is that what you’re doing?”

His shoulders rose and fell as he started grinning more. You were proud of him, you supported his career and his dreams and his love of hockey, and he couldn’t ask for more.

“You know me well.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Finally, he laughed breathlessly. “I’m super excited.”

“I know you are, my talented boy.”

“Hey there…”

Your voice pulled Mat from his trance, and he refocused his gaze on your face after spacing out. He smiled, the way he always did when he saw you in his bed, and pulled the blankets tighter. “Hey there, baby.”

“Looked a little lost in thought, there, buddy.”

“Yeah?” He laughed at your teasing and looked up to the ceiling. “I’m just happy.”

“Yeah?” You leaned up to kiss his chin. “I’m excited for you.”

“Not just that.”

“Oh?”

“I’m just so happy with you.”

You reached out to cup Mat’s face in your hands, stretching up and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “I’m happy too.”

“Good.” He held you to him and rolled to his side on the bed, a big leg coming to hook over yours and pull you closer to his body. From this position, you could kiss him much easier, so, playing with the collar of the t-shirt he’d slept in for modesty, you pulled him in.

“How much longer until you have to leave?”

Mat groaned, as if your question had pulled him out of his dreamy, blissful state. “Three hours.” You hummed in response, completely content with spending that time right here, in your little haven with Mat. “Sorry. I really wanted to be with you on New Year’s”

“You can’t help that you have a game. I’ll be watching, like always.”

“But I wish I could be here with you.”

“But you’ll be home before midnight, won’t you?”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

The morning dragged on slow and leisurely, with no reason or will to get up. Slowly, gently, you managed to migrate from bed to the kitchen, to the couch, where you cuddled back down with bowls of healthy cereal, both too lazy to make breakfast, some slow morning show on TV. There weren’t many words exchanged, but there didn’t need to be. You understood each other, and the silence was telling, his hand around your waist spoke loud enough, the way his eyes held your so softly and gently proclaimed his feelings loud and clear, his lips on yours screamed out his love for you without restraint. There was nothing he could do different than he was now to show you more how much he loved you- it was obvious, it was as clear as day, and the further and further along this relationship went, the more confident you were becoming that you loved him back. But you still couldn’t tell him, you couldn’t bring yourself to break down that final wall and give you all to him. You were still running on half of your heart, and you knew he was trying his best to build it back up for you.

When the time finally came that he had to leave, it took all his strength to pull away from you.

“I don’t wanna go. Can I just say I’m sick?”

“No, baby.” You pushed him towards the door, handing him his backpack. “As much as I’m gonna miss you, your team needs you. Go score some goals for me, alright?”

“Hnn.” He groaned in response but leaned down to press his lips to yours in goodbye.

You patted down the front of his suit, admiring the way he cleaned up so pretty, though wishing he could stay with you in sweats all day. “You look good, Maty.”

“So do you.” His hands smoothed down your arms, down the sleeves of his jersey you had already put on for good luck. “I promise I’ll be home in time to head out, okay?”

“You better. Now go play some hockey, bubs.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

His bottom lip jutted out in a look that should not be that cute on a grown man. But, oh fuck, it was. “One more kiss? Please?”

“Okay. One more.” A smile tugged at your lips as he pulled you in to lock lips one more time over the threshold of the door, toothy and sweet and giggly. And Mat was hoping, in his head, that every game day would be like this from now on. Kissing his beautiful girlfriend before stepping out the door. Never again would he have to return alone after a long night, or find solace in some other woman after a loss. He had you. He loved you.

He smiled as he pulled away, sighing a soft breath through his laughter. “Okay, bye now.”

“Bye, baby.”

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

They won.

The perfect, beautiful, Hollywood ending to a perfect year. The best way to ring in the new year, and you couldn’t be prouder of the boys.

Immediately after you saw the team leave the ice on the TV screen, your phone started vibrating with a call. Mat’s name lit up on your screen and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at the butterflies that erupted in your chest just at the thought of him, giddy and excited after a game, and the first thing he thinks of is you. It made you feel so special, so cared for, so remembered. So loved.

You answered the call, your heart throbbing. There, on the screen, Mat was sitting, still in his uniform, helmet perched high atop his head, his locker in the background of the frame. All around him, you could hear the boys celebrating in the locker room. His friends were all celebrating, and he was here, calling you. He didn’t have to. But he did. He chose you. “Hi, Maty!”

“Babe! Did you see me?”

“I always do!”

You saw him get jostled around a bit by teammates on the other end, and the giddy grin that lit up his face was just too much. “Hey, hey, I uhh, I gotta ask something.”

“What’s up?”

“I, uhh, I know we planned to go out to Times Square tonight, and we still will, don’t worry! But, uhh, I got a buddy here who got his plans shot down last minute and he's gonna be alone tonight. Think this could be less of a date and more of the three of us? It’s alright if you don’t want him to come, he’ll be oka-”

“It’s fine.” You weren’t sure how the words came so easily to you, but something made you feel as if you were ready. Ready to get dangerously tangled with Mat’s personal life, with his friends and his life outside of you. You were ready.

“You sure?”

“As long as you promise to kiss me at midnight and not him.”

He laughed on the other end, and you heard the echo of someone else’s laugh next to him and a shout of “Thank you!”. Mat glanced over to his friend for only a second before looking back to you. “Thanks. Hope he doesn't scare you off.”

“He can’t be worse than you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Mat cackled again, his cheeks pink and aching from the overwhelming happiness he was feeling.

“I miss you, bubs.”

You heard his teammates cheer in laughter and roar “ooh!” as if they were high school boys cheering on their buddy in the background, seemingly the entire locker room started eavesdropping on their star player and his girlfriend. Mid-laughter, red-cheeked and flustered, he never took his eyes off the camera. “Miss you too, baby. I’ll be home in a few hours.”

“See you then.”

I love you!

“Bye.”

I love you!

Things felt unfinished as you hung up the phone. ‘Bye’? It didn’t feel like enough, it felt wrong, and your throat was itching to say something else. Stupid, stupid, it’s way too early.

Way too early, maybe but fuck it felt good. It felt so good.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You couldn’t contain your excitement when you heard the key turn in the door to Mat’s apartment a few hours later. You jumped up from the couch to run over to the door, smiling immediately when you saw Mat’s face.

"Hey, (Y/N)!"

"Hi, Mat!”

“Missed you, baby.” You wrapped your arms around his waist as he pulled you close and squeezed tight, forgetting for a moment that you had company. He was just burying his face in your hair when another man, who you only knew because of all the games you watched and had seen him next to Mat on the bench every now and then. You stepped back from the hug, but kept your fingers laced through Mat’s. “Oh! And hi Mat’s friend."

“Hi, (Y/N)!” His friend spoke up from the doorway. “I’m Anthony!”

“That’s Tito.” Mat said at the same time, jerking his head back to motion towards his friend without looking away from you. You laughed at their antics before Tito continued.

“Nice to meet you, finally. Mat hasn’t shut up about you for at least 2 months.”

“Dude!!” Mat exclaimed and turned to whack him, causing his friend to laugh.

“Oh, wow.” Something warmed your heart at the thought of Mat talking about you to his friends. There was something so amazing about the feeling that blossomed up in your chest knowing that you still existed in his mind even when you weren’t there with him. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Sorry, we’re late. We stopped by my place so I could change. Didn’t want to go out in a suit. Wouldn’t have been really warm.”

“That’s fine!” You were liking Mat’s friends so far. He seemed sweet. “Speaking of warm clothes,” You nudged Mat a bit, “You should go change so we can head out to the square, it’s getting close to time.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“Thanks for letting me crash your date tonight.” Anthony spoke up, interrupting your slight PDA. “I know you had plenty of big plans for ringing in the new year, if you know what I mean.” He laughed and had a suggestive tone as he glanced at Mat, who hit him again, looking frantic.

“Dude!! Shut it!!!”

“Hey, it’s true.”

You laughed a little, but couldn’t help but flush as you locked eyes with Mat again, imagining the things Anthony was suggesting. Plans? Big plans? You didn't have plans like that tonight, unless Mat had planned to try and sleep with you tonight. Was he planning something like that? Would he, knowing how uncomfortable you are with that? Despite you worry, the thought made you heat up all over, and you didn’t want to be so flustered in front of his friend. You squeezed his hand- heavy in your own- one more time, and he squeezed back hopeful, a plea for you to ignore what you’d heard, before you dropped it. “So, Maty. you should probably get ready to head out. Go put something more warm on. Then we can leave.”

“Right, right.”

Mat glanced over at his friend, locking eyes and engaging in a silent conversation you knew best friends always have. When Mat finally walked off to the bedroom, Anthony made himself at home on the couch, waiting, a new, tense silence in the air, and typing some texts out on his phone while you gathered up your jacket for heading out. It took Mat a bit longer than usual to get ready, and when he emerged, he had a beanie in his hand, and a black plaid coat paired with the Office hoodie you loved so much, and a grin on his face,, warm and bright like the one you knew. He bumped fists with Tito as he stood from the couch, and came over to you, lacing your fingers together, gazing at you softly.

“Are you ready to head out?”

You tried to compose yourself from how good he looked. "Absolutely.”

“Not if you two are gonna be all gross all night.” Tito groaned.

“Ha ha.” Mat stuck his tongue out at his friend playfully. “You wish you had a girl like I do.”

“Aw, Maty.”

“Ew, you two.”

The subway trip and final short walk from the station to to Times Square was how you’d expect it to be, with two dorky best friends, Tito willingly and happily third-wheeling and chirping the two of you every time you ever so much as glanced at each other, let alone snuck a little kiss on the crowded subways. And when you finally made it, standing alone together in the huge crowd of people and counting down each final minute, you knew, there, standing in the chilly New York City air with Mat and his best friend, there was nowhere else you'd rather be, ever.

You felt Mat’s hand tighten around your, grabbing your attention the way he always did. “Hey, sorry about earlier.”

“Earlier?”

“Yeah, uhh, when Beau said we have big plans.”

“Ohh…” Your cheeks flushed again at the thought of what that suggested.

“Yeah.” He shifted on his feet a little,his gaze falling to his shoes.

"Were, uhh, were you planning on trying to sleep with me tonight?"

“No, no, not necessarily. I didn’t mean anything like that. I mean, I wasn’t gonna try to do anything.” He ran a fumbling hand through his hair. "Not if you don't want to. I was just talking to him, about you, us, I guess, and just he thought it'd be funny to mess with me like that tonight. Guess it's playback, I've embarrassed him before."

"You're rambling baby."

"Sorry."

"Mat, it's okay."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. I mean we're together, I can handle jokes like that. We'll get to that eventually, anyway."

He laughed a bit, cheeks pink. We’ll get to that. He tried to ignore the thoughts that phrase had conjured up in him. "Yeah."

"And we can have a serious conversation about these things later, before we do anything, okay? Preferably when we're alone and your friend isn't standing like three feet away."

"Yeah, yeah, we will. I promise." His lips found your forehead, before you fell back into comfortable silence, leaning against his chest as Tito took some snaps in the background. Your gaze rose to Mat’s face as he looked up towards the clock, counting down the final minutes of the year. His cheeks were pink and wind-kissed, his jawline sharp and his hair sticking out of his beanie in little dark curls you loved so much. His lips looked so soft, his gaze so warm and welcoming as his eyes met yours again. His lips quirked up in amusement at seeing you watching him, but before he could say anything cheeky, you spoke up, not being able to contain your feelings any longer.

“Mat. I gotta tell you something."

“Quickly, it’s almost time, babe.” He smiled, bending down closer to you a bit, listening close for your soft words as you leaned up towards his warmth against the chilly New York winter, bringing an arm up around his shoulders. You made sure to be close enough to him to hide your words from Tito or any random eavesdroppers. This was for Mat. Just Mat.

Only Mat, ever.

“I know it’s still so soon. We’ve barely been dating at all yet, right?” Mat nodded, a small smile at the adventure your relationship had been so far. “It’s only been three months, but they were three amazing months. Thanks to you. You’ve helped me open up, did you know that? In three months. I’ve never been happier. Or felt more comfortable. Or safe. I don’t know what it is about you… you're a special guy.” He laughed, breathless at your words, the look in his eyes soft and begging you to continue. “I’ve been thinking about this since you accidentally let… uh, those words slip, remember? It’s so soon, and we don’t really know where this is going. I don’t know where we’re gonna end up yet, a few months down the road. But you know what I do know?”

His answer was barely a minty breath against your lips, coming out with a puff of air in the below freezing air. “What?”

“I feel good about this. I feel good about us. And I think this year is gonna be good to us.”

His cheeks were pink and a cold breeze pushed his hair around. His grin fell into something softer, something more gentle. "(Y/N)...."

"Can I tell you a secret?" He nodded and leaned in closer, fluidly and slow as if in a trance, turning his ear towards you. You could hear the final countdown in the background, the crowd chanting five! four! three! "Mat," Your hand cupped his cheek, your lips found the shell of his ear, grazing across the skin as you sighed. "Mathew, I'm falling in love with you."

“Hey, lovebirds! It’s midnight!” You could hear Beau yelling at you in the background, but all you were focused on, as you pulled back from your whisper, was your boyfriend.

Mat’s eyes were wide and gleaming wetly, full of visible emotion and unrestrained joy. His lips split into a shaky, breathless string of laughter, his hands trembling, gripping yours with everything in him. His tongue darted out quickly to wet his pink lips, and with one final shaky breath, he sighed:

“Kiss me.”

And you did.

And with that kiss, you knew Mat felt the same. You could feel his passion, his genuine, hopeful, overwhelming feelings, seeping from his lips to yours, from his fingertips to yours, with every little breath he took against your lips, holding you against his body. Neither of you wanted to pull away, but when you couldn't go on any longer, your foreheads pressed against each other and your eyes gazed into each other's deeply. Mat opened his mouth to say something, cheeks red and lips swollen from the kiss, but before any words came out, Tito was clapping a hand on his back and teasing the two of you about the kiss. His words fell on deaf ears though, as you were still focusing on Mat, the way his lips curled into a smile as he finally let words fall out.

"Happy new year, (Y/N)."

#op #hey there stranger #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #mathew barzal #mat barzal #fic

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nickgerlich · 2 years

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The Whole Truth

If you count the early online portals like Prodigy and CompuServe as being proto-social media networks, then it is safe to say that we have witnessed two complete generations grow up in the social era. The rest of us had to adapt, but for the most part we’ve adapted well.

While there have been many social media sites come, go, and stay, there has never been one backed by a former US President. Until today. It took a while from initial announcements to taking off the wraps, but you can now download the Truth Social app in Apple’s App Store.

And you can bet that Donald Trump is smiling down there in Mar-A-Lago.

We must assume there will be an Android version coming soon as well. But don’t get your hopes up too high just yet, as the app is only allowing people to sign up and then wait for a full roll-out. Apparently there have been a few posts in a private beta test, but that’s it.

Truth Social comes in the aftermath of the President being banished from several social media sites, and is built in the style of Twitter. This time, though, posts are accorded the rather presumptuous title of “Truths,” while sharing them makes them “Retruths.” I suppose you could say that the earth is flat, and it would instantaneously be elevated from tin-foil-hat balderdash to exalted unchecked fact.

I think my parents called that the “Because I Said So” rule.

Now before you slip on all of my sarcasm, please note that, while I do not wish to deny anyone--even a former President--from launching a new social media site, I have plenty of reservations about this one. It was founded in the ashes of a contentious lost election, one that Trump’s acolytes are as likely to accept as JFK assassination conspiracy theorists would be to acknowledge Lee Harvey Oswald as the lone gunman. Not happening.

Which means that the target audience for this site is those most staunch supporters of President Trump, those who deny the findings of numerous election fraud investigations, as well as those disenfranchised with the way they see other social media sites evolving.

And never mind that there are already several right-leaning social media sites, to which many have already migrated. These include Parler, MeWe, Gettr, and Rumble. How Truth Social hopes to convince even more migration to occur is yet to be determined, because regardless of your political stripe, it is hard to attend to many social platforms at once.

But from a marketing perspective, I think these are troubled waters. It’s one thing for there to be dating sites targeting young people, older people, people of color, LGBTQ, and even farmers, but it is quite another to have politics as your primary basis on a social media site. I have said it many times: Companies are wise to leave politics out of their marketing game plan. Unless, of course, you’re selling guns and oil, which would probably be a good fit here.

Then again, with President Trump’s backing, maybe they won’t need too much advertising support, and users can go about doing the things they feel hindered from doing elsewhere. That then produces an echo chamber, a choir-preaching-to-the-choir scenario that may feel good, but in the end produces nothing.

Lest you think I am being partisan, rest assured I would be equally dismissive if any current or previous President--Biden, Obama, Bush, Clinton--were to back a new site. We--and I mean all of us--need to be figuring out how we can reach across aisles and vast gulfs to figure out how we’re going to push this experiment called America a little farther down the road.

Because the way I see it, each time someone takes another little dig at a person or ideology, it just makes the wound bigger. It’s never going to heal at this rate. And part of me is wishing that Prodigy and CompuServe never existed in the first place. Maybe things would not have evolved so terribly.

Dr “Not Joining“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #Trump #Truth Social #social media

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redfoxwritesstuff · 4 years

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Of Dust and Ashes, #32

Hello, Lovies. How have you been? I’ve been well. The new laptop gets in later today and I hope to be writing more and perhaps next month we may even see a one shot come into existence!

I’ve gotten a slight rash of new followers, some of whom are minors. Unlike some, I do not ban minors from my blog however, I do clearly mark any content that they should avoid. As a general reminder, please always check the content warnings, found at the start of every fic and every chapter. I am an adult of nearly 30 years, I write adult topics and themes.

Chapter warnings: Blood, death.

Series warnings: Smut, blood, graphic death, sexual assault, child death, miscarriage, dead babies- look, if it can be a trigger, it’s in here.

Masterlist Kofi AO3

Chapter 32: What If?

Clint relished the silence in the truck for a few moments as he backed along the gravel driveway. The weeds and grass would encroach on it come spring but for now, it was a mix of ice and gravel mixed with snow. The tracks from his truck were the only ones and if they were lucky, that would remain the case.

Spring would be upon them before they knew it. In much of the country, frozen bodies would begin to rot and a wave of sickness would spread. He wondered how many clusters of people were smart enough to take advantage of the cold to remove bodies.

Not nearly enough, he was sure. No one wants to look at the dead, let alone touch them. Hell, he didn’t want to either. But when it needed to get done, it needed to get done. The sickness would kill many more if the dead were allowed to rot in the cities. It would be far better to be in a rural town during the warm months.

How many more people will have died between now and spring? Food stores were likely low in most places by now. He knew he was having to travel farther and farther to find processed and packaged foods, giving proof to that fact. How many would starve to death this winter? So many would due to not knowing how to cook without the processed ingredients or how to store raw foods without a refrigerator. How many would eat toxic or spoiled food, not knowing how to tell what was safe to eat? How many wouldn’t know how to turn flour and yeast into bread?

Those thousands were not his problem. His problem was limited to three other people and a baby. Shaking his head, he banished thoughts of infant formula away. It was a worry for another day. With enough food and Sasha’s help, Rachel would at least be able to supplement the formula with her own milk. Lizzy just needed to make it four or five more months.

When he reached the open road, he stopped and waited. He sat there with his thoughts for half an hour and watched for any signs of life. There was no smoke from what could be other fireplaces. There were no other signs of people. It was exactly what Clint wanted to see.

Finally, when he was sure enough that there was no one around, he pulled onto the old highway. It’d been mostly abandoned in the last ten years when a new interstate had routed near but the locals had still favored it. He had still favored it.

Now, he was thankful for the interstate. Most migrating people would follow the interstates with their wide lanes, direct routes and clear signs. It would keep them away from his little hole in the country.

Turning on the radio as he went, he hit the scan button. The radio searched through the airwaves, trying to find a signal. When it found none, he repeated the process with the AM frequencies. There was the same emergency broadcast, going in and out. It was weaker now. Clint was sure the emergency generator was finally giving out.

As he pulled up to the gate, he thought about calling Nat. He thought about telling her what they did, that King Jacob was dead. He thought about telling her the things running through his mind. For a moment, he even picked up the satellite phone from where it had sat forgotten in the cup holder. He thought about asking her to come out, to pick him and Dee up and take them to New York.

Fingers dialed the number as he pulled up the hill. His thumb hovered over the button with the green phone. He only had to press it.

His eyes looked up from the phone as he rolled to a stop in front of the house. He could see the motorhome and the chickens. He could see the shed that doubled as a year around grow room. He saw their life and instead of hitting the call button, he flipped the phone over.

Without bothering to power it down, he pulled the back off and removed the battery before breaking the old style flip phone in two. He tossed the parts into the back of the truck when he got out.

He couldn’t be like them. He couldn’t support people like King Jacob and King Mason being given power after they had hurt so many. He couldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t allow it.

As he fed the chickens and gave their coop and pen a quick clean, he wondered if that was what Dee had been dancing around. Would she go with him, if he set out to remove another abusive self named king from power? Would she think he was just a vengeful killer? Was he just a vengeful killer?

There were a good number of eggs in the coop and Clint was thankful for them. They were laying and earning their keep. Feeding chickens food scraps and getting eggs in return was far better than eating the chickens. He left a handful of eggs in the nests. If they were lucky, they would hatch. He picked up older eggs, saved for the same reason and marked with a black dot. Using the light of the sun, he checked them for signs of development and life. Inside, there was a shadow of something growing. Later, he would come out with a flashlight and look properly but that was good enough for now.

The rooster Tony eyed him with disgust. Clint flipped the bird off as he walked into the house. The damned bird should be thankful he wasn't turned into fried chicken yet. Clint was all for using the male to breed the females and have enough chicken and eggs to eat some of both. There was only one rooster though and he worried about genetics. He'd have to eventually worry about finding someone else with chickens to trade and diversify the genetics.

In a cabinet above the refrigerator, he pulled down an empty egg carton and filled it. Laura had always talked about getting chickens when he had finished his countless projects to improve the house. She gathered cartons to remind him or annoy him, he wasn’t sure which. He never did finish the house for her. Even now, it was unfinished. Now there were chickens.

From the deep freezer he grabbed bags of meat. Deer and turkey, mostly whole cuts though he had ground some scraps up. He didn’t pull much out- if it spoiled he didn’t want much to waste. He dropped the bags into a cooler he had partially filled with snow and ice.

He hoped that would work, if kept outside and in the shade, to keep the foods frozen and good for the winter. There was always the question of the weather. This winter had been different than he had seen in the ten years he’d owned the land.

Somehow, it was both colder and harsher than what was normal but it was also warmer. There was a layer of melted snow and ice sandwiched between snowfalls. More often than not, the sky was full of heavy dark clouds. He wondered how long it would take for the ash and dust to truly settle.

He loaded up a box with bags of dried pasta and canned vegetables and fruit. On top, he set onions, a few potatoes and a handful of squash. He filled another box with apples, cans of pie filling and tossed on a few cook books. He filled large gallon bags with flour and sugar from their stores. It wasn’t a lot but it was something. After putting everything in the bed of the truck and securing it, he made his way to the shed turned greenhouse.

The plants inside looked to have been growing well. He had put the lights on a timer before they had left on the off chance that they’d be gone for more than a night. The fact that he had managed to convert the shed into a functional greenhouse was something he was proud of.

Trees grew in large pots, waiting for spring when he would plant them outside. A few small buds grew on the branches of a few citrus trees. He fingered them as he passed. They hadn’t expected any fruit from the trees for at least a year. These buds would likely grow into fruits too small to eat, if they matured at all.

Moving down the aisles, he pulled his knife from it’s sheath at his thigh. The tomatoes had grown well in the greenhouse and the vines of little cherry sized fruit were heavy and bright red. He slipped three of the vines into the box. There were a few zucchini. He hesitated for a bit before snagging two of the vegetables to add to the box.

They were not thriving in the makeshift greenhouse. He knew once spring came and he transplanted them outside, it would be a completely different story. By summer they would have more zucchini than they would ever want to eat. That would be the case for many of the vegetables. Luckily, they would keep well enough in the cellar.

They would freeze or can much of the excess for the next winter. If they were lucky, next winter they wouldn’t have to fear where they would get their next meal. There was another reason he planted more than they needed was for trading. He held very little hope that nationwide supply systems would be functional by then.

There were many who would be suffering from lack of food this winter. Clint strived to make sure that they were not among them. They would have food- sure there would be an overabundance of some things and they’d get tired of eating the same foods but they would not be hungry.

Still, he knew their supplies were thin when accounting for supplying Sasha through the winter. There was no doubt that to supply Rachel and Lizzy it would eat into their supplies. Clint would have to spend more time hunting to supplement what they were growing. Worse yet, he knew he would have to travel farther and farther each time he went out for supplies.

Clint picked a few handfuls of strawberries and called that a day. Sure, there was more ready for harvest. There was food stored in the cellar and pantry but it wasn’t enough. If he had to pick between him and Dee starving or Rachel, Sasha and Lizzy starving, he would choose to keep his food.

He loaded up the back of the truck before pulling himself into the driver’s seat. Rather than start the engine, he sat there thinking with his eyes on the barn. His thoughts swam. The desire to help someone warred with his desire to put himself and the woman he loved first.

He grumbled. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel. Finally, he rolled his eyes and signed. Opening the door, he slipped back out of the truck and stomped back to the barn. There was no one to witness his tantrum but that did nothing to stop him from throwing one.

He grabbed a large potted cherry tomato plant. The branches and stems slapped him in the face. While he carried it to the truck, all he could think about was how much the plant stank. He was never a fan of the smell of tomato plants. He slipped it into the floor space behind the passenger seat.

He went back to the barn and grabbed potted lettuce plants and berries as well. Whether Sasha had a green thumb or not, he didn’t know but at least they would have some sort of food growing. It wouldn’t be enough to support them. They wouldn’t be able to survive off lettuce, tomatoes and berries alone if he wasn’t able to supplement their supplies but it was something.

The engine roared to life as Clint decided enough was enough. He turned around in the drive and made his way down the dirt road. The gate rolled open as he approached, mindful all the while of the pots sitting behind him.

The first veterinary office he checked had the windows broken out. It was in a small town not too far from the farmhouse. There were days he’d woken up in this town, having spent the night prior in a delirious hunt for his wife and children. It had been a long time since he had visited this town.

Closing his eyes, he took a moment to be thankful that he hadn’t woken up like that since Dee joined him. She saved him from the memories and longing. She saved him as much as he had saved her.

There were a few people who still lived in this little town, though they hid whenever he had been there. Part of him wondered what he had done in the night, lost in a delirium looking for those who he had failed. It must have been terrible, for them to hide from him. Still, he didn't mind that none came to greet him or question him. He would rather less people crawl out of the woodwork and expect him to help them.

Glass crunched under his feet as he stepped over the broken window. Ice and snow covered the ground, obscuring the razor shards hidden in seemingly innocent ice. Slipping and falling here would easily be fatal. Judging by the dried or frozen blood pooled by the window, it already may have been for someone. Looking over to the left, Clint saw the man.

He must have been the one to break the windows in. Dead eyes gazed back at Clint. He didn’t look away from the sight. Frost had touched the man’s fingers and face. Ice and snow gathered over his legs, giving away the fact that he had been there for a while. The dim light of the setting sun flooded in through the broken window. He could see the trail of blood. Around his arm was a bandage, not wrapped nearly tight enough to slow the flow of blood and save the man's life.

He retraced the man’s footsteps. Heavy boots thudded on the tile floor next to the dark trail. Clint followed it through the lobby. It smeared along the reception desk in dark stains and over scattered papers. On the floor was a first aid kit. The plastic was broken, shards of artificial red on the ground.

That was where the man had gotten the bandage he had used to try and wrap his wounds. It wasn’t enough. Rolls of bandage littered the ground. He would have needed every one of them to have anything like a chance. Judging by the trail of blood, nothing would have been good enough other than a doctor though. The fact that he had made it as far as he did was impressive. Humans were always one of the most impressive beasts.

On the wall next to the reception desk there was a display of colorful plastic cones. Clint was sure they were the ‘deluxe’ cones the receptionists would try to up-sell. When his own dogs needed a cone, he always went with the cheap clear or white ones. The cone never stayed on long enough anyway. There was no way in hell he was going to shell out $30 for something that wouldn’t be on for even half the recommended time.

He grabbed a handful of the large ones. There was no reason not to give Trust a deluxe cone experience. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his old dogs would have been more willing to wear one if he splurged the extra money for the nice ones. It was too late to know, the dogs had all died of old age. The one that remained turned to dust along with everyone else he had loved.

The door into the treatment area was closed. Clint tried the knob, expecting to find it locked. The knob turned under his hand without the slightest resistance.

“This is too easy.” He mumbled to himself, looking over his shoulder at the dead body. “Watch my truck, will ya? I should have done this first....”

The last thing he wanted was to find the truck stripped of supplies when he came back out. He took a deep breath. His boots echoed on the tile floors as he made his way through the dark halls. A few dim lights shone, allowing him to see his way. The emergency power had to have been almost gone by now.

Under one of the large procedure tables, there was an emergency bag. The bright red gave it away. He wasted no time in reaching down, plucking it up and setting it on the table. Inside, Clint found a flashlight but little else was useful. He pocketed the travel sized packets of pain medication and alcohol wipes, leaving the rest to someone in more need.

Dust danced in the air as the beam shed light on the space. He listened for a moment, making sure he was alone. There was nothing but silence in the clinic. It didn’t sound like there was anyone messing with the truck either. With a deep breath, he pushed himself to pick up the pace.

He skimmed bookshelves in offices, looking for any books that could double as ‘Veterinary Medicine for Dummies’. When he didn’t find one, he left the office. It wouldn’t do to waste time looking for books. Sasha was a nurse and would have to trust herself.

He checked cabinets, breaking open doors when he encountered locks. It was a vet’s office, not a doctors or pharmacist and so the locks reflected that. The doors and locks both were weaker. No one expected someone to hit up a veterinary office looking for pain meds.

Looking around, Clint found a grocery bag in a trashcan. It looked clean enough. Without giving it much thought, he dumped veils of medication into it. Some were in boxes, some not. Clint assumed the boxes had the drug information inside. If not, he wasn’t going to hunt for it.

When he checked the cabinets and emptied what he thought he could use, he grabbed the bag full of medications and made his way out. On his way, he reached down and snagged the emergency bag. No point in leaving something useful behind because he didn’t have an immediate need for it.

Through the broken glass, he could see the truck looking just like he left it. There was no one else around, from what he could see. Having his eyes on the truck full of supplies was a relief. He allowed himself to relax just a bit.

When he stepped through the window, there was a scream. Clint, in reflex he dropped the bags and screamed for a split second. While his throat tightened and cut his voice off after a fraction of a second. He reached out to the source of the surprise and grabbed them. While he intended to pin them against the way, he hadn’t intended to do so with so much force.

His foot had slipped on the ice, carrying them both forward. The boy’s teeth crashed together with the force as he hit the wall. Clint caught his balance before crashing into the wall himself. The boy’s chest heaved and his eyes were wise.

“Please.” The boy begged and he was a boy. Clint would guess he was no more than 15. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to take anything. I’m sorry. Please let me go.”

“Yeah you were.” Clint grumbled as he let go of the boy after giving him a quick glance over. He appeared to be unarmed, underweight and dirty.

“I was. But I won’t. I’m sorry. I’m just- I’m so hungry and there’s so much.”

“Are you alone?”

“My gran- she’s at home.”

Clint sighed and looked at the boy again. He rolled his eyes and pulled from the box a bag of flour and a stem of tomatoes. It wasn’t a lot but it was something. After thinking for a moment, he grabbed a can of beef stew to add. “Take this. Water that stew down a bit and boil it with flour and you can stretch it farther. Good luck.”

Clint didn’t look at the boy again as he grabbed his bags and tossed them into the truck. He refused to look at the now crying boy as he started the engine and pulled away. If the boy was lucky, he would make it to spring. More than likely, both he and his gran would be dead by then. Clint told himself he couldn’t care.

~~~~~<3

Tag list: @usedtobegoodfriend96, @alcoholic-muffin, @theoneanna, @alexakeyloveloki, @toozmanykids, @winterisakiller, @j-u-s-t-4, @bambamwolf87, @missaphrodite23, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @carissime72, @myoxisbroken, @coyotesongwriting, @wegingerangelica, @tnystrk-exe, @faemapfae, @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

#clint barton x oc #clint barton x ofc #clint barton fanfiction #clint x ofc #clint x oc #hawkeye x oc #ronin x oc #marvel endgame #death #blood

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saltykong · 4 years

Text

Hello All! ❁ I hope you have been well and that you have been staying safe~ This is going to be one LONG message, but I hope it reaches you ♥

I started this Tumblr blog in the height of my struggles in life. Not knowing what I wanted to do, failing at what I thought I was meant to do, and even finding myself becoming more lonesome with no way out. That is when KPOP came in. I think it’s safe to say many of us came to KPOP whether we were in a similar internal struggle or even wanted to escape to something that sounded and felt new to what we knew growing up. That is exactly what it was for me. KPOP was used as a means of escape from the troubles I was having. Through those troubles, I met VIXX. These six boys, having a sound like no other. Their concepts, instrumentals, outfits, all of it was always heavily in-tune with their theme, creating some of the most amazing discography, music videos and stages I have ever seen. VIXX aren’t concept kings for nothing. In that, my bias became Hongbin. A sassy, and sometimes blunt but well-meaning individual that was, unfortunately, often ignored by his company on his musical talents. Instead he was placed in the box of, “visuals.” This isn’t a bad thing but to him, he wanted to be more than just a “face.” He was also the least popular and most ignored member when I joined the fandom. But he didn’t let this stop him and continually pushed to be seen. It was this determination and drive that I wanted to support. Hongbin was the underdog and in my own struggles, I wanted to be one too. I created what can jokingly be called a “shrine” to my comfort kpop boy. I wanted him to be seen more by the fandom in someway and so I picked up learning to make gifs, understanding Photoshop, and even learning basic HTML. In fact, because of this blog, I found a love and passion for web development and coding. It was something I liked to do, even if I wasn’t that good at it. It was hard but I was able to switch gears from a Biology degree to one that was Computer Science focused, despite many in my life saying that wasn’t possible. With that, I found a new path with new struggles but I persevered through it, just as Hongbin had been doing with each new single and album. 2019 was arguably Hongbin’s year. Coming off from the high that was the Eau de VIXX album and Scentist single, Hongbin started to stream on Twitch because he loves video games and wanted to share that. He also was in a drama and on a variety show. Not to mention that he saved Summer 2019 with “COOL LOVE,” a collaborative effort with MONSTA X’s Hyungwon. I wanted 2019 to be my year as well and worked hard at it. Simultaneously, I created projects, graduated university with a CS degree and got a job within the first three months. I had been fortunate in my endeavors. But with more responsibilities, this blog in recent years has been lacking content. I haven’t made anything on here in two years and I feel bad about that. Every time I want to come back, I don’t ever have a drive to do it. There may be a chance that I feel like I’ve outgrown Tumblr. I apologize for thinking like this. Now let’s talk about what has happened in recent months. Hongbin, yet again, found himself in a messy situation. There is a cycle when it comes to Hongbin where he will do something that is unfavorable, he will leave on hiatus, and then he will comeback. Hongbin stans will know, we go MONTHS without hearing from him or seeing him. It’s an unfortunate situation to be in but I truly believe Hongbin stans are some of the strongest people in this fandom because of it. This recent situation was not what we were expecting. Hongbin ended up in a bad situation again and had been gone since March. He finally popped up again two weeks ago, much to everyones surprise. This was a moment of happiness that was short lived due to the following news that arrived. Hongbin would be leaving VIXX. It feels unnatural to even be typing that sentence but here we are. I don’t know what happened to come to this decision but I felt fatigued from that news. I couldn’t concentrate on work, I talked to everyone about how I was feeling, and even took a brief hiatus from social media. It seems dramatic to feel like this about someone I don’t know but again, he is the reason I worked as hard as I did to be were I am. I’m sure many of you understand this emotion. I came to the resolution that, although it hurts, if Jellyfish wasn’t going to help him or promote him, it was probably best he leaves. He would definitely become popular on Twitch. But the moment I had resolved that, he came in with more news that would break the wall. He would be enlisting as early as today, August 17-18th 2020. This one did not hurt as much because I believed it would be best he go early to get it out of the way. Him leaving VIXX was unseen however. Hongbin stans have had it the hardest, I hope you all, even non-Bean stans, are taking care of yourselves and doing your best to stay positive. I guess with this extremely long note I wanted to say that I don’t think I will be active on this blog for a while. I’m not on Tumblr everyday anymore and with Hongbin leaving VIXX, content won’t be as easily available or gif-able. I’ve grown a little tired as well and I truly don’t think I have enough space in my computer anyways. I will leave my blog open so that if anyone wants to see some interesting gifsets with Hongbin or even if a new baby STARLIGHT comes across content or is seeking it, it’s there. The only thing I hope people can protect my gifs from being stolen. Many gif-makers have this issue and I’m not any special to be asking of this but I don’t think people understand how long and arduous the process to create them are. We sacrifice a lot of computer space and run our systems hard to start up our programs to make them. Not to mention we hunt for videos constantly and even sacrifice sleep to be able to get performances live sometimes. Then there is the compliance with Tumblrs gif limits to take into account. Some times there is a lack of creativity or individualism in content, so we constantly brainstorm to give the fandom something fresh for their own blogs. It’s extremely tedious to make them but the satisfaction of not only creating them, but having people interact with them and share them, makes the process worth it. You don’t know, but every single person that reblogs my gifs, I tend to go to that persons page to look at their interests and read their tags. Thank you to those that write in the tags of my posts, I find enjoyment from reading them. If I can say, I trust my gifs with STARLIGHT fandom, please don’t let them be stolen or used unnecessarily. This is my gift to you. ❤ As for gif-making, the one thing I regret is that I didn’t finish a particular series I was working on. That doesn’t mean I won’t come back to finish it however, just not right at this moment. As for mutuals, much of them migrated off the platform at the same time as me. But I just want to thank them and the STARLIGHTS who were especially close to me and lent an ear when all I wanted to do was talk about Hongbin. I’ve made some of the greatest friends through VIXX. Thank you for being there. The VIXX fandom gave me something to work for, to look forward to, and what could be improved. Coming on to Tumblr after so long, I am so happy that my efforts and the efforts of other blogs that were there when I was, made more people become Hongbin fans and even birthed new and talented gif-makers. Thank you for being the next bunch to push it forward. Lastly, thank you to all the people that follow me. I did my best to interact with all of you as much as I could, and even now, thank you for supporting my work. You are the reason I do what I do, and I hope it inspires you in some way too. I wish Hongbin a safe military stint and hope he comes back with a fresh and new perspective on what he wants to do. Thank you Hongbin for what you have inspired me and others to do. You can now follow me on Twitter if you still want to see what I’m up to, there are changes coming there as well but I hope you do follow. I will always support VIXX, even as a five-man group but, VIXX will always be SIX to me. Thank you for everything, I hope to come back to this blog one day to create again.

#personal #this is LONG omggg but its important #sorry if it feels a bit off here and there i suck at writing LOL

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cutesuki--bakugou · 5 years

Text

Runaway Lovers

Sooooo this ended up being extremely long and another situation where I could just make a whole damn fic out of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, enjoy!!

Words: 6235

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Sex, Oral Sex, cursing, very proper Bakugou (sorta) and horribly cute innocent reader

Please blacklist the tag cutesuki-lemons if you do not want to see this content from my blog. I will not be tagging with specific keywords for this type of content.Thank you~

Due to the nature of this post, the characters are 18+

Under the cut~

Bakugou felt his stomach churn as he stood silently beside a set of large, ornate double doors, his crimson glare locked onto the ground as he listened to the conversation going on around him. The pain he could hear in his Lady’s voice as she argued with her father was something that he could barely stand, and he wished more than ever that he was something more than just her servant. Sure, he may be the highest ranked in the entire palace and was treated more like a member of the royal family than the worker that he truly was, but that wasn’t enough. He wanted to have the right to speak his mind, to protest against what was happening in front of everyone in hopes of stopping it. Instead, all he could do was stand there and bite his tongue.

“Father, please, I just can’t do something like that! Why does it have to be me? I’m the youngest, I would think that they would want someone older.” The young woman standing amongst her family clutched at her skirt, struggling to not weep. “How could you pick me for such a thing? I’m not ready--”

“Daughter, please, that’s enough!” The man sitting before her snapped, instantly silencing all but her sniffles. “He strictly requested my youngest daughter that was of age. You are twenty-three, that is plenty old enough to get married, and this kingdom will be perfect for you.”

“B-but that man, he’s… I just can’t stand him!”

“It doesn’t matter if you can stand him or not. You will learn to live with it, as your sisters have before you. This is how it is, my dear. I suggest you come to terms with it. He will be here to retrieve you within the week.”

Without another word, the now sobbing woman turned, quickly making her way towards Bakugou and the doors. In an instant, Bakugou had the door open for her, allowing her to leave first. Per custom, Bakugou gave a deep bow to the King and his family before following after his Lady, having to jog a bit to catch up with her. “My Lady, wait, just a moment!”

At his request, the princess stopped, sniffling and hiccuping into her hands. From his pocket, Bakugou pulled a white cloth, handing it to her as she struggled to keep her face hidden from him. “T-Thank you, Katsuki. Please turn away for a moment, I’m in such a shameful state.”

“I think I’ve seen you in more than just one shameful state before, My Lady. This is not one of them.” Bakugou let his arms rest folded behind his back, as he was used to standing as he waited for her to wipe the tears from her flushed cheeks. How badly he wanted to hold and comfort her was nearly suffocating, but besides allowing her to take his hand or arm for support in one situation or another, he hadn’t laid a hand on her since they were children playing about in the Palace courtyards.

His comment brought a short laugh from her lips and a quick glance from her teary eyes, though she was quick to turn her face away again. “You’re sweet… Nothing like the tough show you put on towards the other servants or the way you become a stone wall around my family.”

“Ah, I’m really not,” A heat rose up in Bakugou’s ears at her praise, though he refused to let his embarrassment show otherwise. “I’ve just learned to hold my tongue and… keep comments to myself.”

“Even with me? You used to be so open with me…” She finally turned towards him, fiddling nervously with the cloth in her hands. “Won’t you tell me what you think about all this?”

“I know you prefer not to think about it, but the last time I spoke my mind, I was whipped nearly to death. I’d rather not say anything…”

His words quickly brought a dejected look to her face, new tears returning to her eyes. Though, it was quickly replaced with surprise as Bakugou spoke again, keeping his voice low and quiet.

“...in a place where people can hear.” With a cock of his eyebrow, Bakugou began to head towards her chambers, to which the still sniffling princess followed. They walked on in silence for quite a while, though there was nothing silent about the raging thoughts going on inside Bakugous mind. How was he supposed to tell her he hated this whole thing because he himself loved her? The thought of her being taken away was nearly enough to make him want to vomit. A moment without her seemed like it would be worse than any whipping he could ever receive, and he feared it. How could he let it just happen and not try to stop it?

When they reached her chambers, he held the door open for her as usual, entering after her. Once he was sure there were no other maids around, Bakugou sighed loudly, reaching up to ruffle his naturally fluffy ash blonde hair. “My Lady, it’s a mistake. You can’t go through with it.”

“I know it is, Katsuki, but what choice do I have?” The princess flopped down to sit on a couch in her room, seemingly already completely drained. “I can’t fight my father or that other man. I’ve always told myself that something like this could happen, after seeing it happen over and over again to my sisters. And they all went without a fuss, and all I did was make myself look like a fool!” She began to sob softly again, bringing the cloth back up to her face. Frown crossing his lips, Bakugou approached her, kneeling down to one knee in front of her.

“My Lady, you don’t understand. That is the kingdom that wiped out my homeland… why my family had to migrate here or be killed. I’m eternally grateful for what you’ve done for me up to this point, but I just can’t stand the thought of you marrying that man.”

“Just because you hate him? Not for my welfare or anything else?” Her accusation pulled his eyes from her lap to look up into her eyes, feeling like a vice had just been tightened around his chest.

“What? What type of stupid thing is that to say? Of course there’s more reasons besides just my hatred for them. Do you think I want to see you go?” Although he knew that he could have his hands removed if she reported him, Bakugou caressed both of her hands in his, unable to resist his urge to touch her. “Do you think I want to see you marry someone else?”

“‘Someone else’?” His wording brought confusion to her face, brow furrowing in worry. “Katsuki… what are you saying?”

Swallowing the lump that had grown in his throat, Bakugou tightened his grip a bit, beginning to feel a heat growing in his cheeks. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell her how he felt. What difference would it really make? Bakugou knew that he was a fool for falling so deeply in love with her when he knew there would never be a chance for them to be together. She was his weakness, crumbling his defenses into dust and bringing all these buried emotions forward. It was something that he had never truly learned how to control, and now that he knew he was going to lose her, they were about to explode out of him like a bomb.

And yet, he couldn’t say it.

“Forgive me.” Releasing her hands, Bakugou stood, trying to regain the composure he had lost. “That was inappropriate of me, My Lady.”

“No, Katsuki, please tell me what you want to say.” She stood as well, leaving the cloth behind on the couch. “Please be honest with me…” Tenderly, she reached up and caressed his cheeks, stepping in even closer to him. Bakugou’s first reaction was to flinch at her touch, his fear of being punished immediately making him want to have her back off. Yet, her touch was so soft, something that he had craved for years with the knowledge that he would never have it. There was a look of adoration on her face, one which he had seen many times before, but it was different now. Did she love him just as much as he did? Had he been too much of a blockhead to even notice such a thing?

This was impossible. A lifetime of classes, royalty, being corrected for misbehavior and the knowledge that he was so far beneath her is social status was so ingrained in him that he knew it couldn’t happen. It angered him beyond belief, this whole situation, and her hands on him were only frustrating him further.

“My Lady, how can you put me in such a situation? What I have to say is something that would be better off unsaid.”

“I-I’m not trying to pressure you, Katsuki, it’s just… I absolutely adore you, above all others. I don’t know how I would be if it weren’t for you being here with me.” Her hands slid down to rest on his chest, and Bakugou was sure she could feel how heavily his heart was pounding. “You’re not a servant in my eyes. You never have been. You’re my… everything and--”

“My Lady, you have to stop!” Bakugou’s sharp snap made her jump, quickly removing her hands from him and taking a step back. “This isn’t right,” he continued, shutting his eyes so he didn’t have to look at the pained expression on her face. “You can’t feel those things for me, and I can’t for you. What you’re feeling is nothing more than an excessive sense of love in your panic, it’s not real.”

“How do you know what feelings of mine or real or not?”

Holding his breath, Bakugou finally looked back down at her, keeping silent so she could continue speaking. “You don’t know, Katsuki. Why do you think I’m so upset? Being married off to some pig would make me lose you! I love you!”

“You can’t love me! Don’t you get it?!” Bakugou felt his more harsh personality seeping through, but he was unsure of how else to get her to understand. “You are a princess. I am nothing but a slave to your family, it doesn’t matter how you see me! We can never be anything more than Lady and servant. No matter what our wishes may be…”

“So then… you do love me?”

Silence fell between them with Bakugou only able to watch the tears stream down her cheeks, feeling like his heart was in his throat. The word ‘yes’ lingered on his tongue like he had just bitten into a sour fruit, yet it never left his lips. Taking a few steps back, he bowed deeply at the waist, swallowing the bitter word down before speaking. “With your permission, I will take my leave now and bid you goodnight.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m my father, Katsuki--”

“With your permission--” Bakugou began again, his voice wavering from his increasing frustration. “--I will take my leave.” He stayed in his position, even though he wanted nothing more than to run out of the door. With a trembling sigh, the woman before him was silent for a moment before crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“You… have my permission to leave for the evening, Katsuki.”

“Goodnight, My Lady.” Purposely avoiding eye contact, Bakugou straightened out and turned to leave, out in the hallway before he truly even knew it.

By the time he reached his room in the servants quarters, he was beyond furious, slamming his door so hard it nearly came off the hinges. “Fucking damn it! Damn it, damn it!” With no other outlet for his anger, Bakugou landed a hard series of punches to the stone wall of his bedroom, not stopping until there was a speck of blood visible on the grey surface. The pain in his knuckles was nothing compared to the aching in his chest, and for the first time in his adult life, he truly felt like he could cry out of pure frustration.

Sucking in a large breath, he placed both palms against the wall after a moment of pacing, pressing his forehead into the cool stone. Glaring at it, that bitter taste of a sour word returned to his tongue, and now that he was alone, he finally let it go free.

“Yes, [Name]. I love you. And I cannot let you go without a fight…”

…

Bakugou spent the next few hours pacing and thinking, trying to figure out what he could do. Everything he wanted to do contradicted what he had told her before, and now he wondered if he had just dug a hole he couldn’t get out of. What if he had hurt her feelings so badly that she didn’t care about him anymore? Or what if she had already come to terms with it all and wouldn’t listen to him now?

In truth, he knew it didn’t matter. There were only a couple of things that could happen if he went to confront her again. Either she would keep herself shut off from him and accept her fate, or she would give herself to him. The latter option was what he truly wanted, but there were consequences that went along with that. If they were caught, he would surely be killed and she could be exiled or worse. If they ran away, then the entire country could be in danger of war with the other. And what if he did end up taking away her purity? She could become pregnant, and that would result in the same fate as being caught. All in all, it was a no win situation for them both no matter what they did.

But how could he just let her go like this? Just as she had said, he was her everything and she was his. It wasn’t just that he had gone through the last decade completely dedicated to tending to her every whim that made him feel that way. It was something deeper, an emotional connection that he had never felt with another person. Even if things didn’t end up the way they wanted, both of them truly had very little to lose, and he couldn’t stand the thought of not at least admitting the truth to her. If more came out of it, then he would roll with whatever she wanted, as he wanted all of her.

In the late hours of the night, after coming to a firm decision, Bakugou left the chill of his quarters to make his way back to his Lady’s chambers. He moved quietly, dressed in minimal clothing to avoid making too much noise, and used the back routes to not be seen by the nighttime servants. When he finally reached his destination, he snuck inside, able to shut the heavy doors behind him with barely a click.

It was pitch black in the room, with only the light from the moon illuminating certain areas through the windows. One of those areas was the bed, which was made visible thanks to the large window on the roof that allowed the princess to see the sky. It was something she had always talked about, how that view from her bed often was the only thing that made her feel free and she always enjoyed watching the stars to fall asleep. Bakugou explicitly remembered how she would smile up at him years ago, when he was a lower class servant and was made to go up and clean the outside. She would watch him the entire time, smiling and giggling. Admittedly, he would sometimes volunteer to do that work, just so he could see her.

Now, she was laying beneath her covers on her back, breathing steadily in sleep. As he approached, he could see that she was restless, hair disheveled and brow furrowed in what he could only guess was sadness. How he had left her before brought a heavy guilt to his shoulders, knowing that she needed comfort and he had abandoned her. But now, here he was, alone with her in the middle of the night, which was an offense punishable by death. Now what? How should he wake her? A kiss, he thought, would probably frighten her, as would a touch or even just speaking. What could he do?

There wasn’t much contemplation required on his part, as she suddenly turned towards him, a hand reaching out across the bed. “Mm… Katsuki…?” By the whisper of her voice, Bakugou knew that she was asleep, so he was unsure how she was aware of his presence. Still, he sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully scooping her hand up into his. As he stroked the back of her hand, he felt heat rise up in his chest at the soft smile that crossed her lips.

“I’m here, My Lady…”

At the sound of his voice, she began to stur, her body stretching a bit as her hand slid up his arm. Though, as she finally came to, she gasped and quickly pulled her arm back, looking up at him in fright. “K-Katsuki! What are you doing here?”

“Shh, it’s alright.” Bakugou shushed her, holding up his hands to show his innocent intentions. “I just… I had to come back to talk to you.”

“In the middle of the night?” She questioned, sitting up a bit while pulling the covers over her chest to hide herself. “It couldn’t wait?”

“It could… but I couldn’t. Just let me say what I need to and I’ll go.”

She kept a wary gaze on him, and Bakugou only continued when she nodded in approval.

“I never answered your question. Yes, I do love you. More than I ever should have allowed from myself. But… I couldn’t allow you to leave without knowing that.” Bakugou never broke his eye contact with her as he spoke, finally admitting the feeling that had been weighing him down for years. He could see her eyes beginning to tear up in the moonlight, her face flushing violently at his confession. “You’re beautiful,” He continued, which only made her tears fall. “And a perfect woman. I’ve been… lucky to be by your side all these years and to have your affection. I regret that I’m… nothing more than a worthless servant. Believe me, if I wasn’t, I would have gone after your love much sooner. Fate can be a cruel bitch sometimes.”

With that, he stood, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Alright, I got that off my chest. What you decided to do with it is up to you, My Lady.”

“Katsuki…” She shifted herself closer to the edge of the bed, though she still didn’t reveal herself from under the covers. “Please don’t go. Stay and talk with me awhile.” As she held her hand out towards him, Bakugou only hesitated for a moment before taking it, allowing her to guide him up onto the bed. Scooting over, she allowed him to sit beside her, tendering adjusting the blankets up over his legs until they were both comfortably resting back against the headboard to gaze up at the stars.

“Do you remember,” she began after a while of silence, her arm carefully hooking around his as she laid her head on his shoulder. “That one time you were up there cleaning the sky windows while I watched, when it was a stormy day. It began to just… pour down rain with thunder and lightning. You acted like you were going to stop to redo the cleaning later, but instead you just… looked at me for a moment and finished your work, even as it stormed. You got so sick… I thought you were going to die from that.” She cuddled herself tighter into his warmth. “Why did you do that?”

Bakugou gave a small grunt in thought, watching as a small cloud passed over the moon. “I wanted to… impress you. I was fifteen and had just really started to grow a crush on you. I may have gotten sick, but I suppose it worked?”

“It did… Everything you’ve ever done has impressed me.”

“Good, because I try all the time.”

Her giggle brought butterflies to his stomach, pulling his eyes from the sky to look down at her. The moonlight made her look as if she were glowing, and her body against him was so soft. He had never wanted to hold or make love to a woman so badly before in his life, and though she probably wasn’t aware, he was no stranger to a woman’s body. But hers… He always wondered about the curve of her hips, if she had little dimples on her lower back and how perky her breasts were. He wanted to taste and touch every inch of her, to deflower and mark her. It didn’t help that he could see the curves of her chest beneath her white shift, her nipples visible against the cold. There was a hint of guilt at wanting to turn such an innocent interaction into something more sensual, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted her so badly.

Heat rushed into his cheeks as she caught his gaze, having not expected her to look back up at him so soon. She smiled softy, reaching up to gently stroke his cheek. “You’re blushing.”

“Tch, no I’m not!” Bakugou’s defensive attitude only brought more fire to his cheeks and she giggled, turning a bit more towards him.

“But you are! You’re so adorable!”

“I am not adorable, [Name]--” Instantly, Bakugou silenced himself, a look of shock swallowing her smile the instant her name slipped from his lips. With a small shake of his head, Bakugou reached up and carefully removed her hand from his cheek, beginning to feel that bubbling fear of being punished for what he was doing. “I didn’t mean to address you by name, My Lady, I just…”

“Shh,” She brought the hand he wasn’t holding up to his cheek, soothing his concerns instantly. “Say it again?”

“What?” Bakugou’s brow furrowed in worry, barely noticing that she had shifted to sit on her knees. “My Lady, I couldn’t--”

“No, Katsuki. Please say my name.”

“I… [Name]--” The instant her name was in the air, she took hold of both his cheeks, leaning up to kiss him. Once her lips touched his, there was nothing Bakugou could do to control himself, especially not as she moved to straddle his lap. While one hand rested behind her neck, keeping her in perfect position for kissing, the other slid down her side. She may have not been the best kisser, but he was sure to make up for that, guiding her and taking lead where he needed. The rate at which everything grew feverish was staggering, and by the time she finally set him free for a moment, they were both near panting. She gazed up at him with a lust he was sure matched his own, her body pressed against his with no sense of shame or shyness.

“I want you to take me, Katsuki,” she spoke against his lips, beginning to softly grind her hips against him. “No matter what happens to me, to us, I want you to be my first. I refuse to give it to any other man. Will you?”

“I would have it no other way.” Bakugou barely got the words out before she kissed him again, actually surprising him with her enthusiasm. Although how eager she seemed was shocking, he had to admit that he loved every second of it, especially as she began to tug at the buttons of his shirt.

Once each one was unbuttoned, Bakugou leaned up a bit to pull it off, tossing it away. The feeling of her hands and fingers roaming his toned stomach brought tingles across his skin, especially once she reached near his hips. He couldn’t help but to smirk against her lips as she tugged at the strings that held up his pants, running both of his hands up her legs and bringing her shift with them. “Someone’s a little impatient.”

She paused for a moment, glancing from down between their bodies before back up to his eyes. “Is that… bad?”

“No, [Name]. It’s fucking irresistible.” He kissed her again, his hands sliding up under her shift to grip her backside. A small squeak escaped at his roughness, but she didn’t protest, continuing her work to untie his pants. She had to shift her hips back a bit to set his aching member free, and again, she showed no shyness at taking him into her hands. Bakugou couldn’t resist a sharp hiss at her touch, both the cold and the feeling of her hands on him making him tense. “Ah fuck…”

“You have such vulgar language, Katsuki. I’ve never heard you talk like that, at least not since your promotion.” She began to stroke him, curiously feeling the shape and prominent veins. Her ignorance of what to do seemed to be of no consequence, as she ran her thumb around his tip, displacing the pearling pre-cum that rested there. “It’s so… you. I love it. I love everything about you.” She was forced to release him as Bakugou pulled up her shift, removing it from her body to leave her bare. Once it was tossed away, he kissed her again, scooping her up carefully and laying her down beneath him.

He took the chance to truly explore her body, his hands touching everything from her breasts to her thighs, sliding across her skin slowly and sensually. She was just as he always imagined, so soft to the touch and flawless. Her breasts, he quickly realized, were a sensitive spot for her, as she gasped out loudly with just a minor pinch to her nipples. “Shh!” He hushed her with a hint of a chuckle, giving her cheek a rough, playful kiss before he began to move his body down. “You’ll wake up the whole palace.”

“S-sorry,” she ran her fingers through his hair, holding back a whimper as his tongue replaced his fingers at her breasts. “I just wasn’t… expecting that to feel so good.”

“Then I think you’re going to be completely crazy by the time I’m done with you. I haven’t even explored between your legs yet.” As one hand squeezed her breasts and he continued to bite, lick and suckle at her nipple, his free hand trailed up her inner thigh. “For such a pure woman, you sure aren’t shy.”

“I’ve… heard about this from my sisters and the women servants. I know how it works, and I just… I trust you, Katsuki.” Her body wiggled a bit at the feeling of his hand reaching her sex, holding back a squeak the instant his rough fingers stroked across her clit. “A-ah, w-what’s that?”

Bakugou chuckled, trailing his lips further down her body. “You’ve never even touched yourself? If not, then this will be a damn good experience for you, [Name].”

Burying both of her hands into his hair, she gave a lock a tiny tug in punishment. “Don’t tease me like that. I’ve never done… anything. But I know you have, and that’s okay. So do whatever you’d like with me.”

“That’s a dangerous thing to say. I already told you before, I’m not as sweet as you think I am. I may just corrupt you.” Once Bakugou was between her legs, he gazed up her body towards her face, feeling his stomach flutter as she smiled.

“I want to be all yours, Katsuki. Whatever you do to me, I know I will love it.”

With that, Bakugou ran his tongue along her nearly dripping wet sex, focusing solely on her clit. Her body jerked softly with pleasure, both of her hands shooting up to cover her mouth and muffle her moans. She sounded so attractive that he couldn’t help but give her mouth, one hand holding onto her hip tightly while the other moved back up to fondle her breast. He adored her noises and the way her body rocked against him, her hips even arching up into him for more. If she wanted him so badly, it was very surprising that she hadn’t ever touched herself to experiment with anything. He himself was no stranger to stroking himself at the thought of her, always assuming that perhaps she did something similar to keep any urges at bay. Instead, it was her ignorance keeping her grounded, but now that she knew what it was like, he had a feeling she would want him always. He couldn’t complain with such a thought.

“K-Katsuki, there’s something--” She spoke behind her hands, her body beginning to tense. “I-I feel like I might… pee!”

Bakugou smirked, giving her clit a playful nip before pulling away, loving to see her twitch. “[Name], you’d better not piss. You’re about to cum.”

“C-cum?” She pulled her hands away from her mouth, looking up at him as he sat up. “W-what do you mean? Why’d you stop?”

“Because,” Bakugou went back to stroking her sex with his fingers, rolling the sensitive fleshy button about and making her bite her bottom lip. “I don’t want you to cum yet. That’s something special.” Removing his hand from her, he crawled back up over her body, resting himself into her as he placed a soft kiss against her neck. His kisses trailed along her skin as he took her legs, carefully lifting them into position with his cock resting against her sex. Her heat and wetness was already driving him wild, wanting to sink himself into her and fuck her until she was screaming his name. Still, he kept his control, taking out his slight frustrations by nibbling occasionally at her delicate skin.

Tenderly, she wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair as she struggled to catch her breath. “Are you… going to put it in me, now?”

“Yes.” He moved his lips to her ear as he spoke, just his voice enough to make her shiver. “It will hurt at first. I’m going to cover your mouth, I don’t think you’ll be able to be quiet.” With a nod, she allowed his hand to clasp over her mouth, though she did clutch his wrist tightly. Nerves, he expected, but he couldn’t allow them to get caught by her yelling out, either. With a shift of his hips, he began to press himself inside of her, a sharp hiss escaping his lips as his tip slipped in. Instantly, she squeaked and tensed up, groaning against his palm as her brow furrowed in pain.

“Relax, [Name].” Bakugou spoke softly near her ear, struggling to keep his own voice from wavering just from the pleasure. “It will hurt less if you relax.” With a small nod, she did as he requested, breathing in deeply though her nose as she relaxed her body. After a few more moments, he continued to push himself into her, not stopping until his hips met hers. By then, she was panting heavily against his palm, giving soft squeaks and gasps of pain as her body adjusted to him.

Removing his hand from face, he kissed her cheek softly to keep her attention, keeping his gaze locked with hers. “It will pass. Are you okay?” Giving a small nod, she caught his lips in a kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. He could feel her trembling, her core squeezing around his cock and driving him nearly wild.

“I-I’m okay, Katsuki. Y-you just feel so… big.”

Bakugou gave a small chuckle, smirking against her lips. “Ah well, anything you put up in there would hurt like this at first. But my cock is bigger than average, so it is a bit much for you. But it will pass.”

“A cock… that’s such a nasty thing to call it—“ She gasped as he began to merely rock his hips, barely moving himself within her. “A-Ah, Katsuki—!”

“It’s okay.” With care, he took her hand, lacing their fingers and letting their hands rest up near her head. “I promise, it will only last for a minute.”

Her eyes tearing up, she nodded in understanding, allowing him to kiss her as moved on to shallow thrusts. He comforted her with calming words, kisses and the occasional snarky comment to make her laugh, until he was finally at the point of making full length thrusts. By then, his pleasure was too much to focus on talking, and he couldn’t resist a groan as he laid his head into the crook of her neck. “Fuck, [Name], you feel so fucking good.”

Her free hand came up and tangled into his hair, doing her best to control her gasps that tried to force their way through with every movement he made. “I-it’s starting to feel better for me. So full and so… close to you, like I’ve always wanted to be.” Her words prompted him to pick up the pace, unable to resist. With her first real moan of pleasure, a fire swelled up in his chest, so hot that he was sure he would lose himself. It didn’t take long for him to be thrusting in and out of her quickly, sitting up from her body so he could watch her. Every movement, her body bounced and her face contorted in pleasure. Damn it, he adored her, and now that they were at this point, there is no way in hell he could ever let her go.

As her voice reached a high point, he quickly covered her mouth again, able to feel her cheeks grow hotter from the rough action. He was no longer taking it easy with her, and with the way she leaned her head back and dug her nails into his arms, he knew that she was enjoying it.

“You listen to me, [Name].” Bakugou spoke behind jagged breaths, catching her gaze. “No one is ever going to take you from me. I can’t stand the thought of you ever belonging to someone else. I want you to be mine, no matter how we have to do it.”

With a small tug, she got him to remove his hand so she could speak. “L-let’s, aah-! Katsuki, run away with me! I-I want to live with you, mm…- ah, anywhere that we can!” She tugged him down to her, which Bakugou obeyed without skipping a beat in his movements. “T-take me as your wife, even if we have to live on a farm or hiding in the city. I-I love you, Katsuki!”

Bakugou kissed her passionately, refusing to let her go even as she moaned and gasped into the kiss. He could feel his orgasm growing close, but he refused to finish before she did, pushing her further. “I love you, too, [Name]. I will do anything to be with you.”

He wasn’t sure if it was the pleasure, happiness, or a mixture of the two, but the tears that began to spill from her eyes surprised him. She never broke her eye contact with him, keeping him close to her as he ravaged her. “K-Katsuki,” she squeaked out between her moans. “T-that feeling again…-”

“Just let it happen. Don’t hold it.” Bakugou kept up with his rhythm, loving to watch her face as her orgasm built. The instant the pleasure broke, her entire body shook, squeezing and rolling against him as she lied her head back. His own groans of pleasure were mixed in with her moans, the feeling of her squeezing around him nearly sending him over the edge. “Oh fuck, that’s it… damn—“ He picked back up with his thrusts, kissing her and digging his fingers into her hair.

“I’m about to cum, [Name]...”

“Y-you can finish inside me. I would happily carry our child, Katsuki.” She gazed up at him with blissful exhaustion, smiling. “There’s nothing more I’ve ever wanted… than to have a family with you.”

Within seconds of her approval, Bakugous thrusts became erratic, digging himself into deeply as he released. He couldn’t resist grunting and moaning into her shoulder, the pleasure of his release more than what he had ever felt. It wasn’t just how tightly she squeezed him that made him feel so amazing. It was her words, her love and pure adoration for him that made it so much better. He felt like he truly belonged with her, that with her was home. It didn’t matter where or what the situation. As long as she loved him, he would be happy.

“Oh Katsuki…” She purred softly, wrapping her arms around him and stroking his hair. “You’ve just… made me so happy.”

“I know,” Bakugou spoke between heavy breaths. “I even made you cry.”

“Don’t tease me. I mean it… I want to run away with you.”

“Then we will do it. And I swear, I will do everything I can to make sure that you are cared for and happy.”

“And loved?”

“Top priority, [Name]. Now… let’s clean up and watch the stars for a while. I want to enjoy every second I have with you as my lover.”

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cindylouwho-2 · 4 years

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RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, late February 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles I came across since the early February report, although some may be older than that. I am a bit behind due to my trip last week and other events, but some things here are a bit time-sensitive so I wanted to release this now.

I am still looking into setting up a new ecommerce business forum where we can discuss this sort of news, as well as any day-to-day issues we face. I need some good suggestions for a cheap or free forum space that has some editing tools, is fairly intuitive for inexperienced members, and is accessible. If you have any suggestions, please reply to this post, email me on my website, or send me a tweet. (I will put out a survey once we narrow this down to some good candidates, but if you have any other comments on what you want from such a forum, please include those too!)

As always, if you see any stories I might be interested in, please let me know!