#please if you’re struggling with food. don’t get fast food like McDonald’s. it’s a single meal that can’t be stored in the fridge

[vexenya]

Maybe a hot take but if for whatever reason you cannot boycott maybe keep that to yourself? Don’t go around telling everyone and the dog “omg I have to eat McDonald’s 😢 I can’t afford anything else” because 1) there are plenty of better and cheaper options, trust me I’ve been there and I didn’t eat McDonald’s a single time when I was there. And 2) when you say things like that you’re clearly trying to get people to sympathize with you and reassure you that you’re not a bad person and you’re not doing anything wrong. People are literally dying, this situation is not about you.

Decades in the future, when all this is in the history books, people in Palestine won’t remember that you couldn’t stop drinking Starbucks because it’s the only coffee shop in your area. They’ll remember that people in a first world country refused to do the bare minimum to help them.

[kyotakumrau]

2020.05.30 DIR EN GREY SPECIAL TALK - Q&A - Kyo and Kaoru - translation

(if you notice any mistakes, typos or have any comments, I appreciate them! ^ ^)

Joe (introduces the Q&A segment)- Question: Kinoko no sato or Takenoko no yama, which team are you? (it's a very popular question in Japan like are you a tea or a coffee person, or cream or jam first etc - those sweets are mushroom and bamboo shoot shaped, the chocolate content and cookie texture are different in each) Kyo- I prefer Kinoko (mushroom). Joe- Ah, you're Team Kinoko. Kyo- At first, I liked Takenoko (bamboo shoot) more, but I think everyone gets tricked by the cookie. Joe- The crunchiness of the Takenoko? Kyo- Yeah. But it's not about what's inside (?) Joe- I see, the chocolate part is more important. Kyo- Exactly. Joe- So as a result of thinking about chocolate, Kinoko wins. Kyo- Yeah. Joe- And how about you, Kaoru? Kaoru- Both are okay (laughing) Joe- (??) ok, both, thank you for the answer. A response of an adult. So many comments and questions.

Joe (reads)- 'You talked about getting tattoos earlier, please show us your new tattoos' (Kyo starts stirring) If possible. Kyo- How much will I get for it? Joe- How much? (in English) Depends on money. (=wanna see, pay...) (they laugh, a bit awkward) Kyo- Anyway, it's in a place you can't see. Joe- By the place you can't see you mean you shouldn't show it. Kyo- I would have to take my pants off. Joe- That would be a bit weird. Did you get any new tattoos, Kaoru? Kaoru- Nah. It's painful so nah. Joe- You didn't because it's painful? Kaoru- I'm paying for it, why does it have to come with pain? Kyo- That's how it is. Joe- Yeah... But talking with me on the radio, isn't that a torture? (laughing) Kyo- It is a torture.  But I will write about tattoos in my post in Haiiro, so interested fanclub members should check it.

Joe (reads)- 'Kaoru, how many mugs do you have at the studio?' Kaoru- A lot. Joe- A lot. Okay. Next question, ah it's so fast, woah.

(he struggles with picking a question) Can both  of you just talk together on your own? Go ahead! (... XD) Kyo- When you say 'go ahead'... (awkward chuckles XD) Kyo- Oh, I can read the comments here? Ah. I see.

Joe- Those two are not talking. Then, let's go with this. 'Kaoru, please tell us about some chords you just thought about' Kaoru- I don't know. Really. Joe- You're serious? Kaoru- Yeah, I can't think of any.

Joe- Actually, you both used to live together in the past, right? Kaoru- Yeah we did. Joe- When you were broke. Kyo- Eating beansprouts (=they are super cheap, even like 20~70 yen per pack). Joe- What did you talk about when you lived together? (he laughs to himself about eating beansprouts when broke) Kyo- When going to the studio we went together. Joe- So did you confirm like 'what time should we leave tomorrow'? Kaoru- What was it like? I can't remember anymore. Kyo- We probably did that. Joe- You lived on the same floor with a shared toilet right? In one apartment? KK- Yeah Joe- As fellow adults, after you came of age. Kyo- Yup. But, there was one more guy, from the company. We lived 3 guys together. Joe- Is there any story about that time you can share with us now? Kaoru- The living room was quite big. Because we had that space we had members' costumes (Kyo's painful reaction)there, preparing stage sets there and so on. There was a lot of stuff around. Joe- Hehe. So instead of a peaceful living space it was more like an office? Kaoru- But each of us had our own room. Joe- I see. So Kyo, can you share with us anything you remember from that time? Kyo- Costumes were by the window. And there were train tracks just in front of our windows. So you could see the costumes from the train. Joe- I see. So if by chance a fan saw that they'd know. Kyo- Probably. Joe- And the train passengers'd think 'what's that?'

Kyo- But at that time we really didn't have any money. I just remember being hungry. Joe- But beansprouts don't even cost 100 yen. Kyo- I think... we both got beansprouts... (?) Kaoru- We really couldn't buy much. We really didn't get much money then. Joe- Were you at least able to cook those beansprouts? You didn't eat them raw? Kyo- No, we cooked them. Joe- Which one of you did the cooking? Kyo- Each of us cooked. Joe- And each ate beansprouts. Kyo- That situation continued until around the time we did Nakano two or three day event in our indies period, maybe a bit after that. Joe- NO WAY. Kaoru- Yup, until around Nakano Sunplaza shows (=August 1998). It got slightly better around Shibuya Koukaido (=May 1998). Joe- ...oh. You were eating beansprouts until Nakano Sunplaza, that's some story. Kyo- I wasn't even able to buy McDonald's set. Really. I was so envious (of others). Joe- I see. So when you finally became able to feed yourselves as musicians, what did you eat then? As a 'finally, as a musician, I made it!' (KK both thinking) Kyo- Food...I don't have a memory like 'I can eat this because I finally made it', but there was a time when Tommy, our president now,  learnt that we don't have money, he treated us to a meal and gave us some money. That time I had McDonalds. I only have this memory that I could die happily then it was so good. Joe- With the money you received you had McDonalds and it was delicious. Kyo- It was amazing.

Joe- How about you, leader? (watermelons are considered a bit expensive fruit, usually you buy a cut, not a whole watermelon) Kaoru- As for me... I got a whole watermelon and I was eating it by myself, that time I thought I'm not getting any income and felt really guilty. Joe- Like it was too expensive/lavish (?) Kaoru- As I thought that the watermelon started to taste bad. I finished eating it thinking 'I'm sorry mum'. Joe- Ah Kaoru- I thought it's much better to cut it into pieces and then eat. Joe- Yeah. That's also a good story.

Joe- There are so many comments. (reads) 'Kaoru and Kyo, what clothing brands are you wearing?' Kyo- I will make an instagram post later. Joe- What about you, Kaoru? Kaoru- Ah, it's something I received. Joe- Oh, a present. Is it a t-shirt? Kaoru- It's not a [cotton] t-shirt, it's hemp. Joe- Like linen? Kaoru- It's a type of folk clothing.

Joe (reads)- 'What do you usually talk about?' Kyo- About movies, mostly about the band, like 'this would be good for the next single' etc. Basically we talk about music a lot. Joe - About movies and music. Kaoru- Yeah. Joe- When was the last time the two of you talked together? Kaoru- It's been a while to actually talk. (not use messages) Joe- Really? Kaoru- Since Europe... yeah, no chance at the March show, the last time we talked properly was in Europe. So not since the tour. (silence)

Joe- Then as we have this opportunity, could you talk together for 2, 3 minutes? And I will pick up some questions. (he 'frames out' XD)

Kyo- Talking is actually not that easy... (We can hear Joe's laugh XD) Kaoru- Yeah. Joe talks a lot. Kyo- Yeah... (Joe laughs harder) Kaoru- Right? Just keeps talking... He enjoys having people at loss. Kyo- (laughs) I see.

Karu- Last week Toshiya was drunk, so it was quite interesting, right? Kyo- Ah, I didn't watch. Kaoru- I didn't watch after my part finished, but he was really drunk. (Kyo starts laughing) I felt sorry for Die (he laughs) Kyo- That's unusual. Kaoru- He was really drunk. Probably he was drinking while watching the show. (?) Toshiya can't really drink so much. Kyo- True, usually after we finish playing he will only drink a little. Kaoru- Usually until Shinya starts messing around. Shinya would poke fun at Fujieda. Kyo- Yeah. (he laughs) Fujieda, huh... ...silence >w< Kaoru- It's not easy to talk, huh! Joe! ( ??)

(Joe returns)- Sorry, you were troubled, but everyone wanted to see the members talking. I got some info from the staff that you're working on a project members produced (designed) t-shirts, but I don't know the details. Is it all settled? Kaoru? Kaoru- No, it's all settled. We will be selling t-shirts, each member making their own design. Just that. Joe- I see. Have you started designing? Kaoru- I've already finished, waiting for other members (?), but mine’s not printed yet, so I'm waiting. Joe- How about you, Kyo? Kyo- Just back side left. Joe- So the front design is done. Kyo (nods)- That's right. Joe- When will you start selling them? Kaoru- I don't know yet. Joe- Details will likely be posted on OHP. Or please check the fancub magazine. All members designing their own t-shirts.

Joe- So as you can't tour, can't play shows and fans can't see your shows, we all are getting restless. Kyo how do you feel about the current situation? Kyo- Hmm... I don't want to say anything inappropriate... there are so many things involved. I think that saying you want to do something is maybe not right. Forcing things is probably also not right, but saying that, it's also not good to do nothing... So, it will take some time until we can play shows, that's why, we all think about what we can do only at the time like this, all members think the same. Joe- I see. How about you, Kaoru? Kaoru- Right. One thing at a time. Next month baseball comes back, movie theatres will open. The possibility to hold shows will be after after after all those other steps. Joe- Like Kyo said, what you want to do and actually can do and what people will enjoy, you have to be able to make all three work well together. Kaoru- I'm doing everything with the mindset that we can do Pia Arena somehow, but there's still no announcement what will happen with the shows. If I didn't have this mindset that it’s possible, what then? But I'm thinking we should make an announcement. So. Joe- Of course there are many comments saying 'I want to go to the concert soon!' or 'We love you!' Kyo, are you checking the comments? (Kyo nods) Everyone, please stay strong a bit longer. What will happen with the July shows is something on everyone's mind. But at the current situation it's hard to say if they will happen or not.

Joe- There are many comments asking you to make masks. What do you think? Kaoru- Masks? Joe- Yeah, there are many comments, like that. Kyo- Yeah, I can see many. Kaoru- Joe- The pandemic situation might last for a long time. Right now you can buy masks in some shops fine, but seeing the masks used for example in France, most of them are quite distinctive. In Japan we only have white or some black, no other colours. So it'd be nice to have colourful masks or masks for summer. If anything it'd be great to have not only a t-shirt of your fav band but also a mask, as a message in a way. Look (at comments) DIR mask, DILL mask (laughing). Kaoru- But it'd be hard to fit ‘DIR EN GREY’ on a mask. Joe- But the same way you create tour t-shirts, do the same. Kaoru- Okay. In the end we will be wearing masks for quite some time. Joe- And when concerts start again it's very possible that fans will have to be wearing masks. So in the future t-shirt and mask will be a set for every concert goer. Kyo, did you see any interesting comments? Kyo- It's true that there are many comments asking about masks. So, if we have a chance to do it we will.

Joe- Will you do something like this special talk again? Toshiya said that in a situation there are no concerts for some time he doesn't mind doing it one more time. How about it, Kyo? Kyo- Well... I don't really want to do it. But before that, we had an audio stream, right? I wouldn't mind doing that again.

(bad connection time)

Joe- How about you Kaoru, would you do a talk stream again? Kaoru- Sorry, the connection is bad. (Joe repeats, probably) Well, once in a while... I will think about something we can do next.

(next Joe says musicians prefer to communicate with fans through concerts, but we can get some encouragement through special projects like this; but connection is bad again)

Joe- At the moment over 14969 people are watching us, can you [give us some message]? Let's start with Kyo.

Kyo- Huh, what should I say... We lost many types of freedom, all of us. It's tough. It's the same for me. Let's stay strong a bit longer. A bit more. Joe- And then, a message from the leader to wrap this up. Kaoru- The connection is still bad, can you hear me? Joe- Yeah, we can. Kaoru- It's a very tough time, but I'm really hoping we will be able to play concerts again soon. But, as I keep thinking about things we  are able to do in this period, I'm waiting for the time we can all meet again on the stage.

Joe reads comments about all 5 members doing a stream together. Kyo- With 5 people... Kaoru- it would be hard to follow (?), it'd be hard to know who is talking at the time. It'd be difficult. Will all members.

(bad connection again, Kaoru repeats that with too many members it'd be difficult, 3~2 are better)

Joe- but there is a chance to have members create different teams. (bad connection, Joe thanks everyone for watching, he's also looking forward to the next dir show)

[meganshinsou-tm]

bring your shithead to work day. (f/c)

☙ pairing: izuku and yukio

☙ theme: single dad pro-hero deku, megsbigbeefyhairydeku

☙  cw/tw: profanity, comedy, fluff, yukio midoriya*, single dad, oopsie yuki made a poopsie! 

☙  a/n-request:  [Okay! Just like a day out. Some good ol taking your son on a non dangerous patrol to see what it is his daddy does for a living. Maybe going to a store and just having a fun shopping trip and fan-boying over Hero Merch because you know one of Dekus kids will be a fan-child like he was too😂 does this count as details or do you need more? Like I avoided anything about a mom because I don't know what to do for that lol. !!! MAKE IT SINGLE DAD DEKU! yeah. Yeah! Single dad. That's good]

** I had too much fun with this and kind of just went with it. Hope the cameo is okay. ^-^

The sound of electricity crackling and elated high pitched giggles bounced against the brick walls of the city's buildings as Izuku jumped from rooftop to rooftop. His green eyes were wide with fear and he ran harder than ever, using his quirk to help propel him further and faster. 

He was running out of time. He had to hurry!

“Almost there buddy, just - please, please hold on!” Izuku panted out, placing a gloved hand to pet Yukio’s head.

When the sound of his giggles started to quiet and eventually went silent, Izuku felt panic coursing through his veins and making his blood run cold. He looked down to his one year old, strapped securely in a harness to his chest. Matching green eyes looked up at his but it was the strained stare on Yukio’s face that made Izuku yelp. 

He looked back up and spotted the golden arches of a nearby McDonalds and nodded. Soon he was bouncing back and forth down between two buildings before landing on the ground and immediately running for the fast food establishment. Izuku ignored all the citizens stopping to stare at him with waves and cheers, some taking out their phones to record videos and snap pictures. 

He didn’t have time! 

Izuku struggled to pull open the doors in his panic, gaining shocked and confused looks from the customers and employees as he bolted for the bathroom while yelling out apologies. But finally, fucking finally, he made it inside and pulled down the plastic table of the diaper changing station while clumsily unbuckling a grunting Yukio from his carrier. 

“Come on Yuki, don’t do this to me - oops,” Izuku flinched when he nearly dropped the kid but was quick enough to use black whip in catching him by the leg.

But that was a grave mistake.

“Ah no, no, no - nooooo!”

From outside the bathroom, the workers and customers and now citizens from outside all listened to Izuku groaning and panicking while Yukio giggled and squealed. One person asked what could possibly be going on when a man sitting at a table with his own two kids shook his head sympathetically and sighed.

“Trust me - you don’t wanna know.”

Nearly twenty minutes passed before Izuku emerged out of the bathroom with a giggly Yukio on his hip, wearing nothing but a diaper. His face bloomed red as numerous people looked at him with confusion. Izuku rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and offered up a nervous laugh. 

“Uh sorry about that everyone, we had a little uh, accident.”

Soon everyone was either laughing or covering their hearts as they visibly awed at the flustered massive burly hero and his happy child. Izuku explained how in his rush to pick Yukio up from his mother that morning, he forgot to pack an extra set of clothes in his bag and he didn’t make it in time for the ‘accident’ and only made things worse when he caught the kid upside down. The people of the fast food joint were understanding, especially the parents and one of them offered an extra t-shirt they had in their kids diaper bag. It was a little too big but it would help for now until Izuku stopped by a store to get Yukio a new outfit for the rest of the day. 

Izuku thanked the person and insisted on paying for their meal and giving them and their kids vouchers for each a free merch item from one of the official hero stores. Next he decided why not get lunch for him and the little stinker before heading back out on patrol. So a few chicken nuggets with apples slices and two big mac meals later, Izuku and Yukio said goodbye to everyone and the hero was bolting back into the city. 

Yukio babbled and drooled while Izuku walked down the streets of the shopping district, making sure to wave to the civilians with a gleaming smile as they walked by him. A couple of paparazzi snapped his picture and Izuku mentally jotted down to look out for those photos so he could print them out for himself. 

“Well, all things considering, it's been a pretty good day right Yuki?”

Izuku questioned the toddler, looking down on him and running his fingers through those matching unruly green curls of his. Yukio looked up at Izuku and smiled a slobbery smile, freckled cheeks all pink from giggling while he played with his stuffed otter. Izuku smiled back and hummed, the both of them looking ahead after.

The hero walked about another block before Yukio started bouncing excitedly in the chest carrier and pointing straight ahead.

“Boom Boom!”

Izuku chuckled and nodded. “Yup, there’s Uncle Kacchan.”

A high-pitched squeal escaped Yukio when Bakugou spotted them and started walking over. When he stopped, Bakugou looked down at the toddler and smirked, using a large finger to tickle under his chin.

“What’s up you little shit-head!”

“Kacchan!” Izuku exclaimed.

Bakugou only threw his head back and laughed, taking the toy otter from Yukio and using it to playfully boop his face.

“It’s true. You two are all over the internet now, it’s fucking priceless!”

Izuku groaned and rubbed the front of his face with his palm. Yukio drooled while teething on Bakugou’s gloved finger, the blonde grinning before punching at Izuku’s shoulder.

“Tch, chill out nerd. So the little gremlin shit himself too hard and ruined his clothes, it happens. You’re a single dad, no one expects you to be perfect - even partnered dads fuck up, you’re not fucking special. Plus it's grade A entertainment, I’m looking forward to the next thing this little guy does.” 

With a sigh, Izuku smiled and pinched at one of Yukio’s cheeks. “Yeah I guess so. Thanks Kacchan.”

Bakugou clicked his tongue and ruffled Yukio’s hair before shoving Izuku away with a palm to his face.

“Whatever Deku. Get that kid some clothes and stop by after your patrol is done, I’ll make us dinner since you’re shit at cooking and I don’t want the kid to starve tonight.”

Izuku chuckled and rubbed his cheek, turning around to watch as Bakugou walked away.

“O-Okay then,” he smiled and lifted Yukio’s hand to wave at the blonde, “Say by Uncle Kacchan.”

Yukio giggled and kicked his tiny legs, waving both arms. “Bye-bye Boom Boom!”

“Close enough, now let’s go check out the area then get you some better fitting clothes.”

After another half hour, Izuku and Yukio found themselves inside of one of the famous chain hero merchandise stores in the shopping district. While Izuku looked for Yukio’s size in the Ground Zero three piece set jogger outfit, Yukio played with a Red Riot plushie and a purple Persona cat plushie that had Hitoshi’s matching tired eyes as he sat in the buggy. 

When Izuku finally found what he needed he decided to go look and see if any new figures happened to come out. And in the end when he and Yukio left the store, they had a bag carrying the new Chargebolt and Cellophane figures, a few sets of the Ground Zero active wear joggers and Shouto onesies that had patterns of a cartoon cat version of the hero. Yukio also had a children’s pair of Tsukuyomi sunglasses on since the sun was going down and Izuku didn’t want him to have its rays in his eyes on their way back to the agency. 

Izuku put on his own pair and leaned down to kiss the top of Yukio’s head, strapped once again in his chest harness. The toddler giggled and held his two new toys close.

“Alright Yuki, ready to go clock out and spend the afternoon with Boom Boom?”

Yukio smiled and squealed so loud and hard his little eyes squeezed shut.

“Boom Boom!”

[101flavoursofweird]

My Rhythm Thief Secret Santa 2020 for @wivesbeforelives! They asked for a scenario with the Rhythm Thief characters hanging out with platonic found family, playful bickering and some Raphael x Marie! Thank you to @Regu for organising everything again. Merry Christmas!

Spoilers: For The Emperor’s Treasure.

Set: After The Emperor’s Treasure.

Warnings: Minor references to Jean-François' horrible parenting skills. French translations under the cut if anyone wants to know!

Fast Food Getaway

“Hey, can we get a McDonald's?”

Inspector Paul Vergier gripped the steering wheel between his fingers. He tried to retract the vein throbbing in his forehead. He inhaled through his nose— though it felt like he was inhaling through mustard— counted to ten and slowly exhaled.

“No,” he responded flatly.

“Awww... Why not?” Phantom R whined from behind Paul.

Barring his teeth, Paul said, “Because—“

“Because,” Charlie interrupted, “you have just been arrested...” Charlie shifted in the passenger seat. She glared at Phantom R in the back of the police car. “...And we are taking you to the station.”

Phantom R rattled his handcuffs and protested, “Don’t I get one last meal  before you lock me up forever?”

“We have food at the station,” Paul dismissed. (Emma, donne-moi ta force...)

“I’m allergic to prison food!”

“What a shame your dog isn’t here to share it,” Charlie snorted. “Where did he run off to again...?”

Paul listened closely, but Phantom R didn’t rise to Charlie’s bait. He would never reveal the location of his canine accomplice, or his secret hideout where he kept all of his stolen artworks.

After a beat of silence, Phantom R wondered, “What about Marie?”

“What about her?” Charlie said.

Both Charlie and Phantom R turned to Marie, who was sitting quietly beside Phantom R. Marie, unlike Phantom R, wasn’t handcuffed, for she wasn’t under arrest. Apparently, Marie had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time when they apprehended Phantom R at the Louvre.

Paul wanted to believe Marie was an innocent bystander, but her association with Phantom R was obvious.

Even if they were to question Marie, however, Duchess Elizabeth would never let them accuse her of anything. Paul would rather not incite the duchess’ wrath upon the Constabulary.

So, he would simply drop Marie home with a ‘warning’. From now on, she would only be able to visit Phantom R in a cell.

Paul didn’t think this would deter Phantom R at all. Phantom R was like ‘a dog with a bone’ as Emma would have put it.

“Do  you want a McDonald's, Marie?” Phantom R persisted.

Charlie scoffed. “I’m sure Marie’s tastes are far superior to yours—“

“Zip it, Charlotte. The adults are talking.”

“YOU ZIP IT!”

Charlie’s shout almost made Paul slam the break down. Paul shot her a scornful look.

“A-actually...” Marie spoke up. “I’d love to try a McFlurry— if it’s not too much trouble...”

Phantom R gasped loudly. “Are you saying you’ve never had a McFlurry?”

“I’ve never had a McDonald's...”

“Seriously?” Charlie and Phantom R said together.

“It was J... just that I was never allowed them... before,” Marie mumbled. A hush settled over the car for a few moments, with Marie gazing out of the window.

Paul cleared his throat. “I... suppose we could stop at the nearest drive-through.”

“Really?” Marie exclaimed. “Are you sure that’s alright?” (The duchess’ daughter, asking for his permission...)

Paul nodded. He turned left at the next traffic light, mentally adding seventeen years on to Jean-François’ prison sentence.

“Nooo...” Charlie groaned when they saw the huge queue for the McDonald's drive-through. She hissed to Paul, “With every passing moment, Phantom could be planning his escape...”

She had a point. Paul frowned at Phantom R in the rear-view mirror. Phantom R’s hands— still cuffed in front of him— were resting in his lap. He was smiling at Marie. There was no way he would abandon her... would he?

Paul pulled up in the McDonald’s car park. “Why don’t you go inside and get the order?” Paul suggested to Charlie. “Then we won’t have to wait so long.”

“And leave you alone with Phantom R?” Charlie drawled.

“I’m perfectly capable—“

“You would never catch him.”

“She’s right,” Phantom R agreed, poking his head between the front seats.

Charlie shoved his head away. “Shut up.”

Marie stammered, “We... we can leave if it’s too much hassle...”

Paul, Charlie and Phantom R exchanged glances with each other. A temporary detente passed between the three of them. They turned to Marie determinedly.

“We’re getting you that McFlurry,” Charlie declared.

“I won’t try to escape while Charlie’s gone,” Phantom R vowed. “Phantom’s honour.”

Paul handed Charlie his wallet.

“Do you want anything?” Charlie asked him.

“A single black coffee.”

Charlie stuck her tongue out in disgust.

Phantom R begged, “Can I get some fries and chicken nuggets—“

Charlie opened the car door and hopped out.

“—in a Happy Meal? PLEASE, CHARLIE!”

Before Charlie could leave, Marie hollered, “Charlie, please can I also have a Happy Meal with fries and chicken nuggets?”

“...For you, yes,” Charlie called. She slammed the door and strode into the McDonald’s.

“Phew...” Phantom R chuckled. “Thanks, Marie.”

Paul turned in his seat, his brow furrowing at Phantom R. “You do realise the severity of your situation, don’t you?” Paul informed him. “You will need to stand trial from your crimes and you could face a prison sentence of up to three years minimum.”

Marie was watching Phantom R sadly. No doubt, she and Duchess Elizabeth would vouch for Phantom R. They would probably pay a reputable lawyer to defend him...

The trial could end in his favour.

Phantom R was young— about Charlie’s age, by the looks of it. He had won the hearts of many Parisians when he destroyed the Hanging Gardens and helped defeat the Chevaliers Diabolique. He could be so much more than a wanted thief...

“Why?” Paul sighed. “Why must you steal?”

Phantom R met Paul’s gaze with surprise. Then he shrugged.

Marie opened her mouth, as if she wanted to say something, but she shook her head.

Why was the duchess’ daughter so attached to this delinquent boy? There had to be something she saw in him... Something that connected them both...

“Open the door, will you?” Charlie had returned, up to her arms in McDonald's paper bags. She kicked the car door until Paul let her in.

“This is a police car,” Paul growled as Charlie shuffled inside. “If I find any damages—“

She dropped a paper cup into the cup holder between their seats. “Drink your coffee, old man.”

Charlie presented Marie with a blue paper tub and a plastic spoon. “Here’s your McFlurry.”

“Th-thank you...” Marie breathed. The others watched as she dug the spoon in and took her first bite of ice cream. She smiled with pure bliss. “It’s amazing,” she said.

“You deserve it,” Phantom R told her. He turned to Charlie. “Did you get the Happy Meal—?” Charlie chucked a red Happy Meal box at him. “Thanks!”

“I’d better not find any crumbs back there,” Paul warned, sipping his coffee.

“No, Sir,” Phantom R said. He struggled to open the Happy Meal box with his handcuffs. Marie helped him.

Phantom R pulled something out of the box. “Cool— they’re doing Spongebob toys!”

“Who did you get?” Charlie asked in a deliberately disinterested voice.

Phantom R held up a plastic pink starfish. “Patrick Star!”

“I’ll have to confiscate that,” Charlie said quickly.

“But he’s, like, my favourite character!” (The most infamous thief in Paris, pining over a kids’ toy...)

Charlie scowled at Phantom R for a moment. Phantom R stuck out his bottom lip.

“Fine…” Charlie conceded with a huff. “I guess you’ll need something to keep you busy when you’re behind bars.”

“Thanks, Charlie!” Phantom R hugged the starfish to his chest. Marie beamed and continued eating her McFlurry.

Folding her arms, Charlie slumped in her seat.

“Why didn’t you get anything for yourself?” Paul murmured to her. Charlie shrugged. Paul rolled his eyes. (Impertinent child...) “If you want a Happy Meal that much, I’ll buy you one.”

Charlie gaped at him. “But—“

“I’d rather that than dealing with your sulking.”

He took another drink of coffee and ducked out of the car. He didn’t think to lock the car behind him.

Barely had he taken five steps before Charlie started shouting. Paul spun around. Phantom R was already out of the car— freed from his handcuffs.

Paul’s eyes widened. “How?” he demanded.

Phantom R flashed him a grin and vaulted over the roof of the police car— over to Marie’s side. He opened Marie’s door and lifted her out, bridal style.

“Oh,” Marie gasped, but she didn’t resist Phantom R.

Charlie’s door flew open. “We had a deal, Phantom!” she roared, stumbling out of the car.

Phantom R hummed. “I swore I wouldn’t try to escape while you were gone—“ Charlie lunged at him and he leapt back, still carrying Marie. “—Show’s over, guys! Au revoir!”

“Thanks again for the McDonald's!” Marie sang as Phantom R shot off with her.

“Father!” Charlie yelled. “Don’t just stand there! We need to catch him!”

Paul gaped as the pair got further and further away. “How?” he repeated, scratching his head. “How did he escape from his handcuffs?”

“By using that stupid starfish to pick the lock!” Charlie grunted. She crouched on the ground and grabbed the toy Phantom R had dropped. She threw it into the car. “ Allons-y!  If we’re quick, we can cut them off—“

“—After I’ve finished my coffee,” Paul sighed, returning to the car. He sank into the driver’s seat and picked up his coffee cup. (It hadn’t gone cold, thankfully.)

“But—“

“Pas maintenant, Charlie.”

The line about Vergier “inhaling through mustard” is a reference to a French idiom “Avoir la moutarde qui monte au nez”, which means “to have mustard going up your nose”. This can mean to lose your temper. “Donne-moi ta force…” translates to, “Give me strength…” “Pas maintenant…” translates to, “Not now…” I think “Like a dog with a bone” is mainly a British expression. I headcanon that Charlie’s mother Emma was originally from Britain, resulting in Charlie’s British accent in the English dub of the game.

[babybirdgyeom]

family and mcdonalds → Mark Tuan

genre: fluff

word count: 1k

summary: mark has pretty much become the father figure of your son since you started dating. on the way home late at night you realize how much you actually appreciate everything he does.

(this is just a really small one but i hope you still like it! i always love feedback.)

“don’t remind me please.”, mark said in an embarrassing tone while you were trying to hold down your laugh, knowing there’s a little four year old boy in the back of the car, who was asleep. “at least i didn’t get my inner lip tattooed when i was black out drunk.”, he added, almost sounding like he is trying to defend himself.

“hey!”, you gave him a small box on his upper arm, “do i have to remind you who encouraged me to get it?”

you looked over your boyfriend who was having his famous smile on his lips, his eyes glued to the street. even though you both are a bit older now, he still looks young and better than ever. he must have noticed you staring to which he took your hand in response. it was late, about 2 p.m. and you were on your way home from jinyoung after having a small get together with all your friends.

your eyes wandered to the back, looking at your son. a feeling of melancholy hit you, seeing your son and your boyfriend. sometimes you thought it would just be easier if mark was his actual father. he was always here for him and definitely was his father figure but he still asks for his real dad which always hurts you because you can’t tell him why he isn’t calling. if only you knew why. 

you looked at him a bit longer, realizing how much he actually grew, until mark interrupted your thoughts, “hey is everything okay? what are you thinking about?”

you leaned back in your seat, getting all comfortable, “i just thought about the fact that i still haven’t killed you for the time i asked you to babysit when he was two years old and when i came back home i find my son in front of the television and no mark was there.”, you let out a small laugh.

“you always have to bring that up again. i said sorry!”, he answered, trying to defend himself one again, “we were both hungry, okay? should i just have let him starve? i was gone for 10 minutes!”

in response you just laughed more, “i’m just teasing you.”

“you make me feel like a bad dad.”, he said frowning.

“that’s bullshit and you know that. he always asked for you. every single day for months all i could hear was ‘when are you gonna leave again so mark has to come over?’. for a solid month i wondered if he still cares about me.”, you felt warm thinking about the past, back then when it all started between you and mark.

suddenly your conversation was ended by the boy in the back, a sleepy voice making both of your hearts melt, “dad? i believe i need to pee.”

“you believe?”, mark laughed, “do you not know?”

“no, i’m sure.”, he said and let out a yawn. mark immediately drove to the side, getting your son from the back and went into the wood on the side of the long street home. you decided to get one of the blankets out of the trunk and cuddled yourself back to sleep. when they both came back your son was asleep in no time again.

“seriously, i’m so thankful i got you to date me. i could have read all the parenting books there are and i still wouldn’t be prepared for doing this alone. i’m really thankful for that.”, you confessed in combination with a long yawn, realizing how tired you actually are.

before he started to drive again he gave you a small kiss, “i love doing this with you. now sleep a bit, i’ll wake you up as soon as we are home.”

within no time you were asleep. you guess your son had that from you. the next time you woke up was from hearing the backdoor closing, seeing that you were in your gateway and finding mark with your son in his arms, him still being all asleep, mouth wide open while mark is struggling to get the keys out of his pocket. a few minutes later you decided to get out of the car too. when you came inside you saw the light out of your son’s room. you stood in the doorframe, watching mark tugging him into bed. when he turned around and found you his smile grew wide. he turned out the lights and within no times picked you up bridal style. he knew you hated this but he always did it anyway.

“let me down, motherfucker.”, you commanded.

“oh if you think i suddenly listen to you you’re wrong.”, he said playful, carrying you to the bed. you decided not to fight him tonight, the tiredness in your bones wouldn’t let you. 

“wait here.”, he said when he finally let you down.

“well, i didn’t plan to leave this bed again if i’m honest, i’m happy i took my make up off at jinyoung’s already.”, you screamed after him while he left the room. after not even a minute he’s back with a paper bag from mcdonalds.

“what?”, you said confused, “when did you get mcdonalds? i must have been blacked out.”

“i got you a strawberry milkshake, large fries and also a cheeseburger.”, he threw himself right next to you in bed and handed you over the bag of still warm food.

“that’s my favorite.”, you said a bit touched. you didn’t even know why you felt touched but just that he thought of this was making your tired self feel really emotional.

he apparently saw this in your expressions and let out a big laugh, “if you’ll cry because i got you your favorite fast food i will seriously punch you.”

“you better teach our son to treat his future girl this good.”, you smiled, eating the fries.

“your standarts are very low.”, mark shook his head in disbelief.

“well, good for you i guess.”, you gave him a small kiss before turning on the tv, enjoying your meal.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 3rd March 2019

This is a surprisingly chill week for after the BRIT Awards (which I commented on in real time on Twitter @cactusinthebank if you want to check that out), but there is some movement related to the ceremony so let’s just get through this.

Top 10

We have a new #1 this week, that’s right, for its first week ever, some lame Lewis Capaldi song I heard once called “Someone You Loved” is up two spots to the top spot on the UK Top 40... you can tell the charts are pretty dry right now but honestly I can’t complain that much, it’s less work for me every week. This is obviously Capaldi’s first #1, as he’s a new artist.

“Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man is also up two spots to number-two, thanks to a BRITs performance with Sam Smith and Dua Lipa.

This means that Ariana Grande had a few fallers this week, “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” being first, down a spot to number-three.

I’m surprised “7 rings”, also by Ariana Grande, is only down three spots to number-four.

“Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel is still steady at number-five.

Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” is also staying still at number-six.

“Options” by NSG featuring Tion Wayne is up two positions to number-seven. That’s cool, it’s a good song, I guess.

“Walk Me Home” by P!nk is our sole new arrival in the top 10, debuting at number-eight this week after its live premiere at the BRITs with Dan from Bastille (Because, sure, why not?) and becoming P!nk’s 43rd Top 40 hit and 21st Top 10 hit. Those numbers are crazy, and she definitely deserves to have won the Outstanding Contribution to British Music Award as well as a place on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, even if for personality alone. We’ll talk more about the song later.

Oh, and “bury a friend” by Billie Eilish down a space to number-nine.

Finally, thanks to the album and BRITs win, “Just You and I” by Tom Walker is up nine spaces to #10. Blech.

Climbers

Thanks to the massive hype behind Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper due to the Oscars performance, the current US #1 has also increased greatly, up 10 spaces to #11 this week and potentially gaining more next week and re-entering the Top 10. Otherwise, “Talk” by Khalid with Disclosure is up seven spaces to #13, “Thotiana” by Blueface rides the meme and remix wave up eight spots to #15 (His first top 20), “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan has a five-space increase to #17, entering the top 20, becoming LAUV’s first and Troye Sivan’s second top 20 hit in the UK. Thanks to the video, as I predicted, “MIDDLE CHILD” by J. Cole rebounds seven spaces up to #21, with “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi also up six spots to #24.

Fallers

Thanks to streaming cuts (In the UK, after a certain amount of weeks in the top 20 or so its streaming becomes less important to its chart placement), well, it’s safe to assume it’s due to streaming cuts because these were massive, long-running songs, Post Malone’s “Wow.” is down seven to #14, “Play” by Jax Jones and Years & Years is down seven to #22, as is “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings to #25. “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus also suffers from streaming cuts, down 10 to #27, taking that bloody “Baby Shark” song with it down nine to #34. Otherwise, we have “Please Me” by Cardi B and Bruno Mars down eight to #20 despite a video being released very recently, and “Hello My Love” by Westlife is down eight to #32, yet still not quickly enough.

Dropouts

Since the album hype died down, “needy” by Ariana Grande is out from #11, “Swan Song” by Dua Lipa is out from #32 (Didn’t expect it to last that long anyway) and “Gun Lean” by Russ is out from #33 due to streaming cuts (Hip-hop thrives on streaming). Also, “Psych Out!” by AJ Tracey is out from #34, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #34, “365” by Zedd and Katy Perry is out from #37 (Oof), “Without Me” by Halsey is finally out from #37 and “a lot” by 21 Savage featuring uncredited vocals from J. Cole is out from #40 thanks to 21 Savage actually being freed, I guess?

Returning Entries

We have more than usual this week. Let’s start with the BRITs returns. First, due to a Calvin Harris mash-up performance featuring Dua Lipa and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man, “Promises” with Sam Smith is back at #37. I’d say “One Kiss” can’t enter because three Calvin songs are on the chart, but that’s untrue, so I guess that it just didn’t enter the top 40 – it is outside of it but I’m surprised it’s not up here, especially since it won an award. Also thanks to a performance featuring a guest verse from H.E.R., “Thursday” by Jess Glynne is back at #35. Otherwise, thanks to “needy” leaving, Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” returns to its rightful place on the chart, at #30, where it should have been last week really, but dumb UK chart rules and all that. “High Hopes” by Panic! at the Disco is back at #39, because, I mean, sure, and “Nights Like This” by Kehlani and Ty Dolla $ign is back at #33. I wonder if he gets any of the royalties while he’s serving 15 years in prison for cocaine possession.

FEATURED SINGLE

“Faucet Failure” – Ski Mask the Slump God

Produced by ChaseTheMoney & Cubeatz - Currently charting at #100 on the Hot 100

Before we get to the new arrivals, let’s talk about a fun, goofy trap song from one of my favourite rappers currently in the game, Ski Mask the Slump God, energetic borderline comedy-rapper from Florida who brags with pop culture references constantly littered throughout. You probably know him since he’s gotten pretty big thanks to the release of his album STOKELEY, with this song in particular recently getting a music video directed by Cole Bennett of Lyrical Lemonade fame, hence it counts for this segment. Now, the trap beat is simple and bassy but the synth is almost hypnotising and I like how producer ChaseTheMoney adds what sounds like bongos and tribal percussion at random yet perfect intervals. Ski Mask often changes his flow, with a charismatic performance reflected by both his verses and ad-libs. In the first verse, he talks about how his girl wants to see his “Purple pickle up in the wind” – no comment, with some clever Thanos-related wordplay before that catchy and hilarious chorus, where he not only mentions Ash from the Pokémon anime but how he’s flyer than an ostrich, and he stands by that, I guess. The second verse is just about him buying fast food, but that fast food he’s ordering throughout builds up to a punchline where he asks where his weed his, because he was supposed to be buying “pies” (Drug lingo) instead of actual McDonalds pies. It’s pretty wacky, pretty cool, although it’s a bit short, check it out, and check out some of STOKELEY, especially “Foot Fungus”, “Nuketown” featuring Juice WRLD and “Reborn to Rebel”.

Remember days, me and X hittin’ licks!

God, I can’t seem to be able to escape this dude even in death, huh?

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Black” – Dave

Produced by Fraser T. Smith

This barely charted but I’m so glad it did. This is the lead single from his upcoming album Psychodrama, and in stark contrast to “Funky Friday” with Fredo, this song focuses more on societal issues black people have had to face as the name implies. This is his seventh UK Top 40 hit, and probably his best yet. It starts with a crispy piano melody with even some nice static added to make the beat feel vintage and interesting (Yeah, it isn’t an overpolished trap beat this time). As Dave starts spitting, the drums kick in and slowly some violins creep in and make this beat really cinematic and beautiful. In the verses, Dave describes what being black is, which is being mistreated, and is having to go through struggles and going the extra mile for not the same results as white people would celebrate.

It’s workin’ twice as hard as the people you know you’re better than / ‘Cause you need to do double what they do so you can level them

Dave delves into some fantastic storytelling during the first verse, using walking a (Most likely white) elderly woman across the road without any thanks as an example of the belief in the lyric above, which also briefly references being told during his life, especially early life as a child due to the white-washed media and his living conditions in comparison to how he perceived the white children at the time in fancier, wealthier statuses, that he is more disposable than white people and cannot reach the same heights due to his race, to the point where he just accepts it, and that despite everything he’s forced to do to prove himself as a minority, he’s proud of its race and his ancestry. In the second verse, he speaks of accepting defeat and how he constantly feels the need to shout out all his friends unfairly imprisoned in jail in songs because he would feel guilty otherwise. He also discusses cultural appropriation and how he believes everyone wants to have the culture but not the colour as this means they would be considered cool, but not targeted with any of the discrimination. He ends the first verse with saying that being black is a sour flavour, but excellently switches it to sweet at the end of the second because he knows that white people will want the “flavour” but not the reality. The production furthers the intensity of his delivery and overall, this is way too good to be charting, but deserves all your love. Dave is one of the best in UK rap right now and this proves it, his album is coming out next week, check it out.

#31 – “Murder on My Mind” – YNW Melly

Produced by SMKEXCLSV - Currently charting at #14 on the Hot 100

Oh, speaking of people stuck in jail, introducing YNW Melly. Melly, or Melvin as I think his personality he decided to have on this song is, is a rapper who blew up thanks to a relatively okay collaboration with Kanye West, but since that song dropped out of the charts, people care more about this one mostly due to its confessional nature because of how he seemingly admitted on Instagram that he killed two of his very close friends (No reason provided), also from the YNW collective, and has turned himself in, although he just plead not guilty. It’s not about that, it’s about someone else he killed, I’m pretty sure, and honestly the descriptive, storytelling nature of the song is really cool, and it goes into some (Suspiciously) grim details that I appreciate because most rappers don’t care about that and just drift off topic while this is constantly focused, although his delivery could be less grating, and the beat is just really a cheap FL Studio piano melody under an overpowered bass, although the effort at making a pretty interesting bridge with the pitched-up female vocal samples are appreciated. You can tell it’s amateur, mostly because of how the final verse sounds like it just had some Audacity reverb effects added to it and the record label never changed it to make it sound more professional before having it on Spotify. For what it is, it’s okay, but I can’t really get into this. I think I like “Mixed Personalities” better, to be honest.

#8 – “Walk Me Home” – P!nk

Produced by Peter Thomas and Kyle Moorman - Currently charting at #54 on the Hot 100

Okay, now we have the big one, and I don’t care. Listen, Alecia Moore is a fantastic vocalist and one of the best singers in pop now, potentially pop history as I know it, and is one of the most successful women in the industry, with a clear personality and rebellious sense of humour that was unique. As she’s matured, she’s kept the singing and songwriting talent, but she’s just turned too bland for me to be interested anymore. This song is okay, but it doesn’t have any of the charm she used to have, and I know that’s bound to happen with age but that still doesn’t excuse this mediocre effort for me. It’s a guitar-lead track with pointless pitched-down vocal samples, way too percussion-heavy mixing and rhyming “good” with “good”. It’s a really upbeat, inspiring, motivational cheer-up track that will be a powerful “Wake up in the morning and get everything done” anthem for middle-aged mothers across the nation, but for me, I can only respect the underwhelming songwriting, in which she uses “Mm-hmms” as filler for an empty backing track, which is something I never thought P!nk would HAVE to do, just something she’d WANT to do, but she has no other option here, this instrumental is so wishy-washy and boring. It sure is listenable, guys. Let’s conclude.

Conclusion

I’d feel bad giving P!nk the Worst of the Week because it’s not a bad song, and I can see talent in YNW Melly as well, so screw it, it’s not going to the industry legend OR the nobody who became famous and immediately got charged for double murder afterwards. It’s not going to anyone. Best of the Week goes to Dave for “Black”, obviously, and see you next week.

[ouraidengray4]

9 Things the Swiss Get Right About Healthy Living

It’s no secret that global obesity is on the rise. Since 1975, obesity has nearly tripled worldwide. And, as we know from the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 36.5 percent of Americans (or 1 in 3 adults) are considered obese. But why exactly is that number so much lower in European countries like Switzerland, where just nine percent of the population is obese? To get some potential answers, I immersed myself in Swiss culture. Literally. I live here now. And, lo and behold, some fascinating health trends emerged. Spoiler alert: They eat cheese and bread and drink wine too.

1. They eat real food.

No "light, sugar-free, etc..." items on the menus or in the markets. Yep, no fake fillers out here. The focus of meals is on real, whole foods. While they do use butter, oil, and seasonings, the majority of the flavor comes from fresh herbs, seasonal produce, and cheese.

2. Dining is a social gathering experience with mindfulness at its center.

Friends gather and sit around the table for hours. Waiters are in no rush (so please, remember that when dining here). There aren’t two patties to a burger or a pound of cheese on pizzas. While most people do tend to order and occasionally finish a 12-inch pizza on their own, it’s a crispy, flat crust that is loaded with flavor from fresh veggies, sparse amounts of cheese, and even the occasional preserved meat (like prosciutto). People use a fork and knife and cherish the eating experience, without shoveling bite after bite into their mouths.

3. The markets aren't open 24 hours, and they're closed on Sundays. Every single one.

How many times have you run to the market to grab a last-minute ingredient, only to add a few other impulse purchases to your cart? Or done a late-night ice cream and bag of chips run? That doesn't happen out here. While I don’t see the U.S. markets following suit, I do challenge you to try it for yourself. Can you limit your store hours to just a Saturday excursion between the hours of 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.?

4. Fast-food restaurants aren't on every corner.

I made the loop around the entire country of Switzerland. With more than 1,000 miles traveled, there was only one rest stop with a fast-food chain. And in the more remote areas of the country, you can’t even find a McDonalds.

5. They walk... everywhere.

In a month living here, I've totaled more than 20,000 steps daily. Sure, if you live in NYC or a more walkable city, this may be the norm for you. But in the burbs of most towns, even if you’re a gym rat, it’s rather hard to rack up that many steps in a day. But not in the Swiss Alps. Going to work? Walk to the train. Going to dinner? Walk to the next town to grab a bite. There are walkable paths all over the city with family-friendly parks along the way. Getting out, moving, and enjoying family time has never been so easy.

6. Swiss people don't snack. Like ever.

Americans, myself included, love to snack. But out here, I’m struggling to find my go-to snacks. And for good reason. Swiss people prefer mindful meals with their families or colleagues versus snacking over their computers throughout the day. While they may take what seems, to us, like an unusually long lunch (*gasp* one hour!), they enjoy their meal and return satisfied and ready to get on with their work.

7. Drinks are a part of most meals, and I’m not talking about water.

Yes, alcohol, even at work lunches, is the norm. While I still can’t wrap my head around a nooner Panache (a.k.a. watered-down light beer with a beverage like Sprite), perhaps it’s something I need to try. Just a guess, but since obesity is also correlated with stress, maybe there's something to be said for a 12 p.m. drink!

8. Sporting events are focused on the sport, not the food.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game without seeing an array of endless food (and sponsors) at every turn? I didn’t think so. Swiss pro hockey games (like many other sports) have fewer than five food vendors. And get this, they aren’t even inside. You have to exit the stadium with your tickets every time you want a bag of mixed nuts, a bratwurst, or a beer. Hey, at least you’re getting more steps in that way, right?

9. Gyms don't open usually until after 8 a.m.

Quality shut-eye is a key component of self-care and crucial for making better choices. While I found a great local gym to join, most people spend fewer than 10 to 20 minutes total on a cardio machine and instead focus their time on short bouts of weight-lifting with the intermittent bouts of high-intensity cardio. Perhaps HIIT training really is the best workout? In any case, if you're thinking about giving up wine and cheese as your New Year's resolution, maybe attempt to put some of these practices into place instead. You never know which healthy habits might stick!

The views expressed herein are those of the author.

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