#please... it seems like everyone had move on from stan of many moons... i need sustanance

[r26yz]

a 15 minute break

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

This is two parts because I got carried away. I wrote this on my phone and proof read as much as I could.

Warnings: cheating, male masturbation, m/f sex, minor spoilers for “Defending Jacob”.

——————————————————————————————

Plain Gold Ring

“Plain gold ring on his finger he wore

It was where everyone could see

He belonged to someone, but not me

On his hand was a plain gold ring”

-Nina Simone

When the Barbers moved to your building every old bitty in the place was buzzing with excitement. You had loosely followed Jacob Barber’s case as it played out on the evening news. The whole thing was bizarrely too neat and tidy for your liking. You tried to stay out of idle gossip as much as possible. But, when you heard Andy Barber was interviewing for a senior position at your firm, you had questions.

Andy was brought in to interview for a position that you were also interested in. You requested a meeting with your boss and you went in guns blazing. Your poor boss was not ready for all the excitement.

“Am I still being considered for junior partner?”

“Y/n, calm down.” When he saw you winding yourself up, he popped an antacid an a few ibuprofen.

“Calm down? Calm down he says. I’ve been with this firm since I clerked for you in Law school, Stan. I’m the best fit for this role and you know it.”

“I know you are, kid. I’ve been out voted.”

It’s common knowledge that the partners don’t want too many women gunning for their jobs. They already have one token female partner. They didn’t feel the need to add another. You were infuriated. You stomped back to your office and slammed the door.

All of the work you put in. All of the late nights. You don’t have time to even date. And all for what? You had to calm down now because you were starting to cry out of sheer frustration. You took a deep breath and started going through your to do list. With a relatively light schedule you decided to leave for the day. You mumbled something to your assistant about a doctors appointment and headed for the elevator.

You saw some of the senior partners headed your way shaking hands with Andy. You pressed the elevator button furiously trying to avoid them. Could you make it down seventeen flights of stairs in your stilettos? The elevator dinged and you jumped on just as Robert called your name.

As soon as you put your car in gear, your assistant called. You sent her to voicemail. She called again. Declined. Finally she texted call me back ASAP. Emergency. Fuck.

“Caitlan I said I had an appointment. What’s the emergency?”

“Sorry. Mr. Cramer insisted I call. He’s standing by my desk” she whispered. “They want you to have lunch with them today. Maybe it’s about the job.”

“Did you see guy shaking hands with them? That’s the new junior partner. They are asking me to lunch to reject me. Fuck! Where?” You rested your head against the steering wheel.

“Commander’s at 1:00.”

“Fine.” you groaned.

You went home to freshen up and send out your updated resume. You made sure to include “Willing to relocate” at the end to broaden your prospects. You had a friend in Chicago who worked for a very high profile firm. They were always looking for new blood. You shot her a text to let her know you were looking then emailed your resume. The prospect of starting over completely made you nauseous. You would have to go through the ranks and probably waist another five years to get exactly where you were right now.

When you arrived at the restaurant the maître d brought you to the table where Stan, several other senior partners and Andy were waiting. Andy stood up to pull out your chair.

“Gentleman. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Sit down, Y/N. We wanted to introduce you to Andrew Barber.”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N. These guys haven’t stopped talking about you all morning.”

“All good things I hope.” The men laughed and ordered a round of martinis. Good thing you ate a big lunch at home. No one likes a sloppy drunk girl.

“Yes. Well, Y/N, as you may not know Andy has accepted the junior partner position. We would love if you brought him up to speed on anything you’re working on and show him the ropes.”

You were seething. “Of course Mr. Cramer. Happy to.”

“Oh. Good. Let’s order huh? I’m starving.”

You were silent for the rest of lunch ordering two more martinis very dry and a salad. Dressing on the side of course. The men spoke loudly and never even tried to include you in the conversation. You excused yourself to use the restroom. Andy, ever the gentleman, stood up at the same time.

You didn’t go back. Not that it would have mattered. You ordered an Uber and checked your email. You didn’t notice Andy at the valet stand.

“I’m headed back to the office. Need a ride?” he called to you.

“No. I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” He watched you pace back and forth reading a message almost out loud.

You didn’t look up from your phone. “Shit.” You scowled looking at the screen. You dialed Caitlan’s extension. “Caitlan, Sloan Treadaway’s deposition was moved to today. I need it pushed to Monday.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I figured you would be coming back so I told them it was ok to push it up. I can call them back.”

“No. Don’t bother. I’m on my way back.”

“Looks like you can use a ride after all.” Andy was grinning from ear to ear.

He held the door and rushed around to the other side. You pulled a small bag out of your purse. You freshened your hair, popped some breath mints, lotioned and spritzed away the smell of booze. Andy thought this must be commonplace for you. It’s not easy trying to run with the guys. He could walk into this deposition piss drunk and most people wouldn’t care. You had to be perfect. He always hated that aspect of working in a big firm like this.

“Sorry. I’ll pay to have your car cleaned.” It smelled like you now. Expensive perfume and minty breath. Sweet but not sickly so. He inhaled letting his nostrils flair breathing you in. “Don’t want your wife to be pissed.”

“Lori? Don’t worry about her. She’ll understand.”

“How is she doing with her job search?”

“Doing ok. Thanks for asking. She’s interviewed with a few places.”

“She worked for a non profit right?” When he looked at you quizzically, you quickly explained yourself. “I hear things. Anyway. I know the director of a non profit organization that might be a great fit for her. I’ll pass along her information.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Stan told me you were the front runner for this position. I know how hard it is for women in this industry. I want to say how sorry I am…”

“Let me stop you there. First of all, don’t be sorry. You’re high profile and a damn good litigator. They would be stupid not to offer you the moon. You’re over qualified for this job. You didn’t come here gunning for me. I’ll be fine. Besides, a few of these old bags have one foot in the grave. It won’t be long for me.”

Andy smiled at you but still kind of felt like shit at the way the firm treated you. When you pulled into the garage you offered a quick thanks and rushed into the building to prepare.

Andy stayed behind for a bit. He spent a few precious moments breathing in your scent, letting it linger and wash over him. He hoped his clothes would smell a little like you. Stan said you were a “fire cracker”. Andy always hated that analogy. He knew by the way the group of men talked about you that he would like you. Your quick banter in the car confirmed it. Throughout the rest of the day you would invade his thoughts. He and Lori were still married but their relationship was long over. You had excited him more in a couple of hours than she had in years. When he got home he didn’t eat dinner or speak to anyone. He went right to his room where he replayed your exchange over and over. The ghost of your perfume lingered on his shirt. Both of your scents mixed together gave him a raging hard on. He kept your shirt over his face while he fisted his cock.

——————————————————————

The next morning you decided to face the day with a fresher attitude. Sometime yesterday you heard from your friend. She was thrilled that you reached out to her. She has been trying to get you out there for a while. Knowing that you had a solid backup plan was giving your hair volume and clearing your skin.

You thought you were early but Andy was already in your office waiting for you.

“Morning, Mr. Barber.” God he loved how you said that.

He scoffed, “Andy. Please. I brought you a coffee. I hope it’s ok. I got your order from Caitlan. I thought we’d order in lunch today. We have a lot of ground to cover. You should probably let your family know you’ll be missing dinner.”

“I don’t think my dead ficus will worry too much.” Your tone was dry.

“I apologize for the assumption.”

“Not necessary. Though my mother and my therapist would both be pleased to know that I look like someone who could have a family.”

You were funny. You seemed to say whatever thought popped into your head. You had one hell of a poker face though. He didn’t know if you were trying to be funny or if this was just you. When you didn’t look up from your computer screen he didn’t laugh.

As the day wore on you warmed up to him a little. You filled him in on the three big cases you were working on. You were actually going to trial on a very important case soon. He insisted you rehearse your opening statement a hundred times.

During the third run through Andy’s phone was blowing up. He finally turned it off and told you to keep going. He watched you pace around the room and coached you on your stance. “Stand with authority not arrogance.” He chided. He showed you himself then, asked if he could touch your shoulders. “Round them out like this. Good. Back straight. See?” he pointed to your reflection in the window, “It’s not menacing or arrogant. But you look like you’re in charge. You look perfect.” Hell. Was he flirting with you? By the time you looked at the clock it was 9:30.

“Fuck is that the time?” he said with a boisterous yawn.

“Shit. We should pick this up tomorrow.”

“Let’s go get a drink. I’m buying.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m sure your wife and kiddo are dying to see you.”

He stacked some folders neatly on your desk and looked up at you through his lashes, “I’ll be sure to tell my therapist that I look like a guy who has a happy marriage and a good relationship with his kid.”

Your cheeks heated. The way he was looking at you made you sad but it also warmed your insides. “I’m sorry.” you mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. We said we would stay together until Jacob went away to school. He pretends to ignore the fact that we have separate bedrooms. We put on happy faces everyday. We’re a typical American family.”

You laughed at his admission. His whole story was so fucked up. You wanted to know everything about him. “You know, I think I will let you buy me a drink.”

“Good girl.” he said in a low voice that went strait to your core. The whole way to the car you repeated a mantra in your head reminding you not to get involved with a married man. It didn’t matter how unhappy they were. But you wanted him. Every time he touched you, your insides would quake.

The bar was packed with regulars from the DA’s office and other firms. You introduced Andy around. The guy was a legitimate pro. He was so smooth working the room. The whole time he kept finding small ways to touch you. The brush of his fingers on your arm his breath against your ear when he asked if wanted another drink. Your heart nearly stopped. You stuck with him for a while until your feet couldn’t stand anymore. Every time he caught your eye from across the room he winked at you.

For the first time in a long time Andy was enjoying himself. Your friends were fun and not at all stuffy like he thought this crowd would be. You were adorable. Your laugh was cute. The way you brushed against him on purpose was cute. You were openly flirting with him the more you drank. He had a massive crush on you. What grown man has a crush these days. He thought maybe if he fucked you and got it out of his system he’d get over it.

Your friend Liz sat down at your table trying to talk to you for a solid minute before you noticed. “Sorry. I was distracted. What were you saying?” She threw her head back laughing at you.

“I said you two would make a gorgeous couple.”

“Stop. He’s married.”

“Happily?”

“That doesn’t matter. Married is married.”

“So that’s a no. He’s been eye fucking you all night. Shoot your shot, darling. We get so few in this life.” The light hit his wedding ring just right making you feel horrible for even entertaining the thought. Do not get involved. You kept chanting it in your head over and over until Andy slid in the booth next to you. He leaned over so he could talk over the din of the crowd.

“Hey, you. Wanna get out of here?”

“You don’t need to bring me home, Andy. I can catch an Uber.” That was such a ridiculous statement since you lived in the same building.

“That’s not what I asked. I said do you wanna get out of here?” His eyes were fixed on your mouth. A salacious grin splayed across his lips just knowing you’d give in.

“Andy. I….” You stuttered over your words. Your brain stopped working when you felt his warm breath on the shell of your ear. “Let’s get out of here.” Your breath hitched in your chest when he touched the small of your back. He payed his tab and lead you out of the bar.

You held hands in the car. His thumb rhythmically traced patterns on your knuckles. Every touch sent bolts of arousal to your aching cunt. It felt electric. You were ready to crawl into his lap by the time you made it into the garage. He parked in his spot and followed behind you to the elevator. You lived two floors below him. You glanced back at Lori’s sensible suv next to his car and felt embarrassed. He caught you looking and stopped you in your tracks. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger forcing you to look at him.

“I understand if you don’t want to invite me in. I’m asking a lot of you. But I really like you, Y/N. You are funny and intimidatingly smart. And, fuck me, you are fucking stunning. I can go to work tomorrow like nothing happened. Don’t worry about Lori. Worry about what this means working together. Can you handle this?”

Your brain was no longer working and deferred to your pussy for any and all further decisions. You had not had even mediocre sex in six months. You just knew Andy was going to blow your mind. All day you have been working together so well. You challenged each other and he encouraged you when you faltered. Would this change the dynamic at work? Absolutely. Could you handle it? You’re damn right you could.

“I can handle it.”

“Good girl.” You all but sprinted to the elevator. He wouldn’t touch you until you actually got inside of your apartment and closed the door. When you did, he pushed against you and covered your lips with his.

You tasted the golden flavor of beer on his tongue as it probed your mouth. He unbuttoned your blouse and pushed it over your shoulders letting it hit the floor. He kissed his way down the column of your neck to the swell of your breasts. You panted underneath him raking your nails through his hair.

“God you smell incredible. At any point if you don’t want this….”

“Andy, shut up and fuck me.” He growled low in his throat before he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. You could see how hard he was through his impeccably tailored slacks. You unzipped his fly and took the whole throbbing appendage in your mouth.

“Fuck, baby yes.” he hissed. You relaxed your throat muscles and swallowed him deeper. “You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He moaned your name over and over soaking your panties. “Stop, honey. Let me see that pretty pussy.”

He eased you down onto the bed and undressed you painfully slow. It had been so long since he was intimate with someone, he wanted to take his time. He started with your feet removing your heels and massaging your insteps. His hands ran up the length of your legs to your skirt. He took off your panties first letting the skirt material pool around your waist. “So wet for me. So beautiful.” He slipped two fingers in between your folds hitting everywhere but your clit. He built up a tortuous rhythm that had you begging for relief. He smiled down at you watching completely fall apart. When he dipped his fingers inside of you, you were done. Your orgasm spilled out in one glorious cry. Before you could catch your breath he pulled off your skirt and unhooked your bra. His cock was weeping at the sight of you. A large hand held the back of your neck holding your head in place so you could look at him. Your eyes locked as he buried himself inside of you. There were no more words as he moved inside of you. Only breathless moans and sighs would escape your lips. He increased his pace and your orgasm started building again.

“Fuck. Andy, I’m….fuck!”

“I’m with you, honey. Come with me.” His words were your undoing. You latched your whole body onto him. He held you tight whispering praises in your ear. He kissed you slow and deep easing you back down to Earth. “You ok?”

“I think so.” You both laughed at the sight of yourselves. Sweat glistening off of your skin, lips puffy and kiss swollen. He eased off of you and rubbed your thighs to relax you. You thought he would get dressed and rush out but he crawled under the covers instead.

“Can I stay for a while?” Big arms pulled you down to his chest. He stroked your back softly to help you drift off to sleep.

“I’d like it if you did.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of your head and let his eyes flutter closed.

When dawn found you a few hours later, you were still tangled with each other. You jolted awake panicking because Andy was still in your bed. “Andy, wake up. You stayed all night.”

“I know. What time is it?”

“6:45.”

“Then we have time. Go back to sleep.”

“But Lori…”

“I told you not to worry about her. Get back on this pillow and let me hold you. Please.” The poor guy was so touch starved you guessed. Andy Barber was not a man who did well being single. He loved being in love. He longed for a connection. For passion. He knew those things would sometimes fizzle out of a marriage. But, with you, he couldn’t see that. Your fire matched his fire and Lori was the wet blanket that always snuffed him out.

He supposed that wasn’t really fair. Two people were in their marriage. He worked long hours and spent very little time doing anything but being an ADA and being a dad. He didn’t give the same dedication to being Lori’s partner. The stress of this past year pushed them further apart. He felt obligated to be with her. It was his idea to stay together for Jacob’s sake. He regretted pushing for it.

He pulled you close to his body and wrapped an arm around your waist. He nuzzled your hair and fell back to sleep. You did too.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k  i t

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  

Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans

Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!

Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!

Favorite ship:  

Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs. Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!

Underrated character:

SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all! ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  

Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel? Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas. And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular: ~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky ~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit ~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board ~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree

What’s your training montage song?

"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*

Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY

You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate: ~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way. ~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights. ~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?” ~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this. ~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???” ~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs. ~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work. ~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!” ~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!” ~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” ~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome. ~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.

For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!

[thatsarcasticgemini]

Poltergeist boyfriend

Bill Denbrough x Stanley Uris

When his parents told him that they were moving, Bill expected a new house or a futuristic apartment, but instead he got an old and rusty house. So there he was, big box full of books in hands, looking the house up and down with a sour look in his usually bright eyes. He looked at the window of the left upstairs bedroom, where he saw a figure looking at him. He looked around to find hid mom, but the figure was gone when he looked back. Stupid old house, stupid long road, stupid heavy box. Georgie, on the other hand was more than happy to go inside, running around the porch and urging everyone to move faster. Bill went inside and asked his mom to see his bedroom. She pointed the medium one upstairs, the same room where he saw that figure.

The next day he went to his new highschool. There, he met Eddie, Richie, Ben and Bev. He hit it off with Bev, but there was never gonna be anything between them, as Bev was dating Ben and Bill was very gay. The school was ok: the teachers were kind, the halls were clean and bullying was taken very seriously. Plus it was only five minutes away from home, which meant that Bill could get there in time to say bye to his parents before they left for work. For lunch he had mashed potatoes with chiken, his favourite. While he was eating, he heard a loud thud coming from his bedroom. Licking his fingers of grease, he went upstairs, ready to yell at Georgie for going in his bedroom. But the bedroom was empty. The only thing out of place was the picture of him and Mike, his old friend for the other town. When he picked it up he could swear he saw the same figure behind him in the glass. Placing the picture back, he ran downstairs to finish his meal. Little did he know, that would be the first of many encounters with the supernatural being.

Things started getting weirder and weirder over the next a few weeks. Wednesdays were Alphabet Soup days for the Denbroughs, but they got strange for Bill. Everytime he'd pick a spoon of letters, they would always spell things like: youre cute, i like u, i love u. He'd come home to see drawings of him and a boy on his desk. He blamed Georgie at first, but the young boy denied everything. All the drawings showed Bill either hugging or kissing this curly haired boy. He even saw this boy in his dreams, either looking out the window or playing the piano in the living room. Whenever Bill would open his english notebook he'd be met by short love poems, always signed S.U. But the worse happened when he brought people over.

The first time someone came over, it was boy named Jake, who was Bill's project partner. He only stayed in Bill's bedroom for five minutes, while Bill was making tea, when he cursed loudly and ran out of the house calling Bill nuts. Bill chased after him, confused and hurt, but looking to his bedroom window from the front yard, he saw the curly haired boy dissapear behind the curtains. This happened to everyone who came over to Bill's. It even happened to Eddie. The boy left after 30 minutes, saying someone was watching him and throwing stuff at his head. Bill was desperate, to the point where he begged Beverly to help him. Bev was a witch, so she was more than happy to help him figure the problem out. Her best guess was that a spirit that was bound to the house had taken a liking in Bill and was trying to chase potential partners away.

The plan was for Bill to hold hands with Bev, pretend to be dating so the spirit would give her its worst. That was exactly what happened, but Bev stood her ground. She ignored the yelling in her ear, the things thrown at her and the very scray ghost following her. At some point, Bill saw the ghost and warned Beverly that it was a diffrent one. The usual ghost was a boy with light curly hair and kind brown eyes. Beverly said that this scary ghost was a shape the boy was taking to scare her away. After a couple hours, Bev pulled Bill into the living room.

"Bill, I have to leave. Here you go. Inside this box there’s a ouija board. You have to paly alone, so that the poltergeist will have to join you. I also wrote you instructions on a paper I taped on the back of the box. This being really really likes you, so there’s nothing to worry about. I’m just worried I might anger it by staying longer. You’ll be fine.” and with that she left. Bill took the board and the planchette to his bedroom. Sitting down he read the mantra Bev gave him outloud and looked around.

“I’m alone, supernatural being, so you have to join me. Please join me.” With that, Bill lifted his head to see the curtains move. He was a little freaked out, but he calmed himself down. The scary ghost emerged form the other side of the room, looking around with wild eyes. It passed Bill by, yelling and ran downstairs. Bill was thanking God that neither Bev, nor his parents or Georgie were home to see the scene unfold. The door behind him opened again and Bill saw the boy coming in the room and sitting on the floor, oposite of where he sat. The supernatural being was in its regular form, probably calming down after seeing Bev was gone. It put its hand on the planchette moving it around to spell “Hi Bill”. 

“Hi! Can you please tell me your name?”   

“Stanley Uris. My family lived here 45 years ago.”

“But you’re supposed to be alive today.”

“I am, but I was killed in an accident at school. Two kids locked me in the boiler room as a prank. A teacher found me dead 12 days later. I was burried in the back yard of this house.”

“Why do you harass my friends? Why do you give me poems and drawing?”

“Cause I like you and I dunno how to express it. I chase people away cause I’m afraid you’ll like them more cause they’re alive. Was that girl your girlfriend?”

“She is a friend, I’m gay. I did that to make you respond.”

“I would’ve responded either way. You have nice eyes. And I like your drawings. You’re cute when you are focused.”

“You’re cute now. Is there any way I can make you be alive, sort of. Like in Beetlejuice?”

“I am dead. What’s Beetlejuice?”

“A musical about a demon. If someone said his name three times, he could be touched and seen, it was almost like he was real again.”

“I am not a demon, but I get it. You can make me real, sort of real. By allowing me to come into your world at will. You need black salt and moon water. Your witch friend has them for sure. You also need a picture of me. You can find one in the attic. You can do it tomorrow. I’ll guide you.” and with that, Stan moved the planchette to goodbye and went back to the window, where he vanished. Bill instantly called Bev and asked her for black salt and moonwater. Bev was happy to help again.

     The next day, right after Georgie left to meet up with his friends, Bill dashed to the attic and looked in all the furniture until he found a picture of Stan. It was a picture of him playing the piano. Bill took it, ran to his room to get the board, took the salt and water from his backpack and ran to his bedroom. Stanley responded in less than a second.

“You got everything?”

“Yes, but you need to tell me what to do with them.”

“You need to go to the backyard and take 27 small steps from the back door forward. You’ll be somewhat above my body. You need to sprinkle salt around yourself in a circle, emerge the photo in moonwater and put it in front of your feet. Put some more salt on the picture and say this: I, Bill Denbrough, allow Stanley Uris to come back into this world at free will. I will be the only one to see him. He’ll step in the land of the living and come out of it whenever he wants. That should do it. I’ll be watching you.”

“Will I be able to touch you that way?”

“Yes.”

“Will you be able to leave the house?”

“Yes. I’ll also be able to return to land of the dead if I’ll feel like it.”

“Cool. Ok. Let’s do it.” And with that Bill went in the backyard and did exactly as Stanley had instructed him. At first it seemed like nothing happened, so Bill decided to go back inside. Once inside, he felt a hand on his shoulder while going up the stairs. Turning around he came face to face with Stanley.

“Hi, Bill! Wow you have soft skin. I have soft skin. Your clothes look nice. Mine are kinda old. Your hair is so soft as well. Mine is curlier then yours I don’t really like it that much. What do you think? Is my hair that bad?” Stanley started rambling. Bill just looked at him with wide eyes. He was real. Bill took a step forward, throwing himself in Stanley’s arms. Stanley didn’t respond at first, but hugged back in the end. It was going to be one hell of a ride, teaching Stanley how to be human again, how would his parent’s react, showing Stanley the modern world, but he was ready. After all, Bill would do anything for love.

Hello, Erica here! I just wanted to thank @bi-teen-angst for the headcannons posted their account. Sorry for the bad grammar and for the fact that I am 1 year late with this. I wish everyone the best.

[ibizastrology]

bts’ j-hope: chart interpretation

Hi guys! So I decided to have some fun and take a look at Hoseok’s birth chart. Let’s see what we can find here!

Disclaimer: this interpretation does not include house analysis, since I cannot accurately determine house placements in the chart without an exact and confirmed time of birth.

Please note: this is my personal view of the chart. Some of the interpretations are sprinkled with a bit of my own intuition and experience with certain placements. I am not a professional astrologer and I do not claim that these assumptions are 100% accurate for Jung Hoseok, since I have never met him and never had the chance to ask if my interpretations are correct.

Date of birth: 18th February, 1994 Time of birth: unknown (used standard 12PM) Place of birth: Gwangju (Gwangju-gwangyeoksi), South Jeolla Province (Jeollanam-do), South Korea Birth chart calculator used: Astrotheme Horoscope Chart

List of placements: Aquarius Sun Taurus Moon Pisces Mercury (Я) Pisces Venus Aquarius Mars Scorpio Jupiter Pisces Saturn Capricorn Uranus Capricorn Neptune Scorpio Pluto

Possible Rising (it’s a guess bro): Aries/Sagittarius

Asteroids and math. points (hypothetical):  Ceres - Taurus Lilith (Я) - Aries Vesta - Aries Pallas - Pisces Juno (Я) - Scorpio Chiron (Я) - Virgo

Aspects (without AC, MC and minor aspects)

Sun: conjunct Saturn, Mercury and Venus, square Pluto and Moon Moon: opposite Pluto and Jupiter, square Mars, trine Uranus and Neptune Mercury: conjunct Saturn and Venus, square Pluto Venus: conjunct Saturn, trine Jupiter Mars: square Jupiter Jupiter: - Saturn: square Pluto Uranus: conjunct Neptune, sextile Pluto Neptune: sextile Pluto Pluto: -

Interpretation (personal planet placement + strong aspects):

Aquarius Sun: weirdest sense of humor which is definitely Aqua culture because there’s no other explanation as to why we’re like that, might be strengthened by Aries rising (excessive “cute” behaviour, screaming out of nowhere, doesn’t know what’s happening but laughs anyway, basically an obnoxious little bean); square Moon - he needs love and comfort but often puts up a front, puts the “carefree” image he wants to portray over his emotional needs, making other people feel better (Aquarius) seems more important than allowing himself to enjoy good things (Taurus) (I think we’ve all seen that at MAMA with him breaking down like that, the taurus moon /and pisces energy/ snapped); conjunct Saturn - this might be what Yoongi meant when he said that Hoseok wasn’t as cheerful before debut as he is now, this aspect may have made him a bit more pessimistic, aware of the fact that you can’t have everything in life

Taurus Moon: PERSERVERANCE god the things this man has been through... attacked by antis, attacked by solo stans, almost left the band even before its debut but his perserverance helped him get through it, also methodical - he doesn’t just learn all those dances because it’s easy (spoiler: it’s not), but he has his own way of doing things (e.g. his adorable ‘pa pa pa’ instead of counting or dancing bare foot), he knows exactly what he’s doing but it’s more of a “I’ve done it so many times that now I can’t get it wrong”; opposite Pluto - this aspect doesn’t make it easy to open up about feelings, Pluto wants control over what people know, what people are allowed to see and what should be kept secret, and that want is generally driven by fear (however it’s a facade that can be broken, as I’ve already mentioned earlier); trine Uranus - everyone, and I mean EVERYONE feels accepted and understood around Hoseok and I find that to be truly beautiful, how e.g. trainees are all over him, even though he is a strict teacher, because no matter how many times they mess up and he gets angry, he’s still encouraging and supportive and just wants everyone to succeed; trine Neptune - compassion and understanding, also probably one of the reasons behind his passion for music since this is a very emotional and artistic aspect, vivid imagination is quite possible

Pisces Mercury (Я): a natal retrograde makes a planet feel hidden, expressed in a more internal way; good listener, really nice to talk to, can quickly go from soft and quiet to screaming mode (something we’ve all noticed a long time ago), knows how to read people in a way, quite in tune with other people’s emotions; conjunct Saturn - and here we have reached one of the sadder aspects in this chart, mainly because it proves that, even though he may seem carefree and confident, he does in fact care A LOT about what people think of him (boy didn’t avoid doing solo live streams for a year and six months without a reason, pls love him a lot), this is not a hard aspect but it can cause a lot of self-doubt and a need for praise, even if the compliments don’t seem to get to him - he needs them

Pisces Venus: very loving and sensitive, not only towards a partner, but towards everyone, commitment is difficult tho, even if he wanted to settle with someone it would probably take him a lot of time to make up his mind, might be one of those people who want to “heal broken souls” through love, but his patience isn’t unlimited; conjunct Saturn - traditionally associated with loneliness and/or late marriage, but can be interpreted as a cautious approach to romantic relationships, might be an outcome of previous toxic relationships

Aquarius Mars: original, unique, full of surprises, always knows how to get what he wants, actually loves being unpredictible and unusual, very independent, wants to give his partner their freedom as well; square Jupiter - might be very impulsive, reclusive when upset, seemingly moves on easily as an effect of ignoring bigger negative feelings

So that’s it! I might come back to this one day, but for now this feels like enough with the amount of information we have. This took way too long to finish, but it’s done, finally!

I don’t know if I’ll ever do any more of these, but... who knows! We’ll have to find out.

If you got this far this, thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot <3

[har-rison-s]

heaven: 3

take it in

request/plot: Stan x Reader where they were together back in Derry and kind of forgot about each other after moving away but they always had a void in their lives. And then when Stan is just about to do it after Mikes call his phone rings and it’s you and you’re crying after just getting off the phone with Mike to come to Derry. You both end up going back and seeing each other at the restaurant and you guys just catch up after all these years that passed and old feelings come back. A/N: Y'all ain't ready for what you're about to read hHEHEHEHEH. Lmao. I had some huge inspo to write this, so thank god for that! Hope you still like this series, and I hope to do you guys and myself justice with this and the following parts. Happy reading! warnings: smut, feelings, 'heavy stuff'.

word count: 1.6k (surprisingly)

main masterlist

IT masterlist

heaven masterlist

previous part   next part

gif credit goes to owner, which is not me!

The Losers Club are a mess, that is certain. Only Y/N and Stanley seem to hold a clear sight and a clear mind out of all eight of them. But, they were just as emotional. And in a panic, too. None of them want to die, they're scared of death, their survival instinct is stronger than ever. As much as they can delay the possibility of them dying, they will do it.

Y/N holds Beverly's shaking shoulders as puffs of smoke surround them both now. Beverly's crying as she tells her friends what kind of fate awaits them all if they don't stop IT now, in this cycle. She claimed to have seen all her friends die horribly, and it scared Y/N and her both. She had forgot these sort-of predicaments until now, and Y/N wondered how scared Beverly must be having these images she saw twenty-seven years ago in her mind again.

There is also a hand on Y/N's shoulder. It belongs to Stanley. A comforting gesture, just like her hands are on Beverly, to give her comfort. But there is a difference in Stanley's hold. There's sort of an electricity in it. One that's bound to be released. And they both know when it's gonna be.

When they look at each other, Y/N having to look from below Stanley due to where she was sitting, they can't seem to look away. Stanley's eyes are magnetic and pulling her towards him. Y/N's are inviting, daring and challenging, almost, challenging him to do what he's afraid to. One of the many things on that list. She's asking him to risk everything. And he wants to say yes.

Stanley's a little sceptical of how Bill looks. The man looks dazed, almost drugged. Stanley looks to Mike and he has got a pleased look on his face. The look of achievement. Stanley realises he's convinced Bill with some hallucinogenics. God, they're truly a mess. What lengths does Mike have to go to convince his scared friends. It seems silly that he has to do what he's done. They're his best friends, after all.

Richie and Eddie are ready to leave any second, but Bill convinces them to stay. With great effort, though, the two are set on leaving this exact second and from Stanley's memories, both men are very stubborn. But since everyone is adamant to stay except for Eddie and Richie, they realised they have to stay, after all. The Losers Club can't stop IT if they're not all together. Richie and Eddie know that well.

Mike goes back to the Library for the night, making a deal with his friends that they'll meet before sunrise of the next day at the Library. All eight will need a normal night of sleep before their journey. Journey back to the past to protect the future. But how can they sleep? How can they be at peace, thinking of what would await them.

Insomnia tortures Richie, so he goes into Eddie's room to see if Eddie's awake, too. He is, and Richie's sudden presence scares him a little. They stay up, talking to each other while they play cards, their voices soft. Sometimes their voices die down, sometimes they get higher and sometimes even louder.

Beverly found solace in being awake by going to Bill. They also stayed awake together, talking from time to time. Mostly about memories of Derry and each other. Some things almost lead to other things, almost. Tension is definitely thick in the air in Bill's room once Beverly came in.

Ben, as always, is alone. He thinks he's always going to be alone, and is now used to it already. He is his own best friend. He's never felt lonely in his life, but when he knows Beverly is in Bill's room, Ben Hanscom feels like the loneliest man in the world. He pulls out the folded page he's kept in his wallet for years, and looks at it. The light from the street lamp shines through the window and onto the page, making it easier for Ben to read what it says, for the hundredth time. He sighs.

The instant Stanley's room door was closed, they were on each other. All over each other, breathing and taking in one another. Remembering how the other felt, what they liked, how to please the other. They're re-discovering each other, how they were together, how they felt in moments of heat.

Y/N and Stanley are tearing at each other's clothes and skins and lips and hair, they're mad together. They're mad to spend every second of the night together, spend the time given to them wisely. Who knows what the sunrise and morning will bring? Who knows what the next day will bring to them? Not one moment must be wasted.

They don't need sleep, they don't need rest. They don't need anything except each other. And the high they got off the other. The pair could do with only that to survive the rest of their lives.

Y/N can't remember Stanley ever being so bold, so brutal in making love. Sure, they'd done it a few times until he had to leave after high school. But no time was ever as vile and as desperate as this. And she loved it. There were no words, no questions, no hesitation. There was only missed-out love and desperation.

The pair hadn't even undressed completely when Stanley entered Y/N with his cock full of desire. Her head fell against the poor thin hotel door and she screamed. Stanley grunted and tilted her head back in its previous place. So she'd be facing him.

Stanley kept his eyes locked on Y/N while he thrusted into her and she whined and moaned, as well as he kept his hands on her hips. Her hands were taking turns roaming and squeezing his back and the back of his neck, and she tried her best to keep their eye contact. But it was hard. And, damn, Stanley was so hard. Y/N felt like she would die then and there from it, even without going back to Neibolt.

It would be hard not to hear them screwing like complete animals if you were standing at the hotel's entrance. Ben was sure Y/N and Stanley could be heard all over town. Eddie and Richie used the hotel-given ear plugs - with their disadvantages -, and Bill and Beverly decided they should split and spend the rest of the time remaining in their own separate rooms.

But when Y/N and Stanley reached their orgasms, my God, what their friends heard before wasn't even close to being as loud as that was. They had never imagined that Stanley and Y/N, the most shy people from them eight, would be this loud during sex. But Beverly guessed there wasn't just pleasure in those screams. There was terror and desperation, there was hope and praying to a higher power. And she had guessed right.

Y/N stayed held against the door by Stanley. They needed a little while to regain themselves, their breaths, their ever-so-clear minds. Well, their minds were hazy with a thick fog, and would be for a while, and there was no escaping it. An amnesia-like fog that made them ignorant to everything else except the other and the other's touch, and their love. It was love, both of them were sure. It had returned, and it's stronger than ever.

Stanley, now with a bit of a clearer mind, pulled Y/N against his chest and carried her to the hotel bed. He undressed her slowly, completely, and kissed every aching and non-aching part of her skin tenderly. And it made Y/N cry.

She was crying because she now felt what she had missed all her life. Who she had missed, and what he would have given her if they had never separated. What they could have had together, what they could have felt together. How their lives would be much, much better if only they had never parted.

Each kiss he gave her was worth two tears from her. And when Stanley realised she wasn't in fact moaning or whimpering, but that she was crying, he kissed her tears, which meant kissing her cheeks, her lips, her neck, her hair. And he kissed every part. Which only made her cry more.

She cried about the time they had missed, the opportunities left unused, the kisses given to strangers. Everything they could have had.

Stanley held her and, as they both lay there, now completely bare and exposed to the cold, horrible hotel air that reeked of sterilisation, looked in her eyes. He softly pet her hair and held the hand of hers that lay between them on the bed with his other hand. And they kept their eye contact strong, they were sure they didn't blink once.

Even as teenagers, they could stare into each other's eyes for hours without getting bored or getting distracted. They could do nothing else but that. Not many people can. But it was one of their… things. And it was still strong now, almost three decades later.

The moon and the street lamps shone onto the two lovers in the hotel room, to someone's eyes they'd look like a perfect painting in this light. These two lovers in a perfectly-made bed that was hardly touched. They were surrounded by the smell fo sex, the sound of sobs, the glistening of tears and sweat. By the words they want to say to each other, the longing and what-ifs that they want to voice. But they don't want to ruin this perfect moment, and the next, and the next. Y/N and Stanley want to cherish this complete silence and calm, before the storm hits them and hits this perfect atmosphere.

Permanent taglist:  @gabiatthedisco @v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths @empressdreams @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie @deardeacy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16 @mrsmazzello @benhardyseyes @langdonzvoid @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131 @sunshine-stan-uris @radiantrichie

Stanley Uris tag-list: @nightbu-g @sadhwstudent @shawni-h @gothackedalready @seasidecrowbar @starred-river @raspberryacid @facelessbish @tozierskaspb @plum-duels @whereyoustand

@happy-at-home @kaspbrak-uris

If you'd like to be in one of these lists, please let me know!

[cyberdva]

Trick Or Treat- Richie Tozier X Reader (Imagine☆)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Summary- The reader and The Losers Club decide to go Trick Or Treating, while Richie tries to continuously flirt with Y/N. The rest of their friends are fed up with Richie’s banter and try to get the two together with a bit of help from each other. Just their luck Richie had already done the job for them.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Main Masterlist

IT Masterlist

Word Count: 2k

Date Uploaded: 10/30/19

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Halloween is tomorrow, so why not bless ourselves with a poorly written Richie fic. 

 ☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

“Hey Eds, what the hell are you supposed to be?” Richie bolted out his front door running to meet up with his short friend who was inconveniently covered in toilet paper.

He shot his friend a glare, “I’m supposed to be a mummy, you think my mom would let me be anything else.”

Richie laughed, “Aw, your mommy picked out your costume again.” He made a kissy face and inched towards Eddie. The other boy jumped away.

“What the fuck are you even supposed to be anyways?”

Richie pulled his cape under his eyes and hissed, “I’m a vampire, it’s completely obvious Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “What are you going to do? Bite Y/N?”

Richie went even paler under his white makeup, Eddie was one of the only people who knew about Richie’s enormous crush on Y/N.’

“That shut you up,” he mumbled. Just in time, Stan met up with the two bantering boys, his face had makeup with cold dark eyes and light green skin, a zombie.

“Are you guys fighting again?” Stanley tried his best to remain neutral in these arguments, even though they make no sense. 

“Richie is talking about how much he loves-“ Richie slammed Eddie’s mouth shut. Only muffled shouts could be heard. 

Stanley looked around for Bill and tried to stay involved in the conversation, ”Wow, Richie has a crush. What a shocker.” The two boys were barely paying attention as they fought in the background. Eddie ended up winning and vigorously tried to wipe off any germs that Richie has left on his mouth. Beverly came up behind the disheveled ‘mummy’ and jumped on his shoulders. It resulted in a shrieking sound, Eddie was just about to head home if Bill didn’t show up moments later. 

Beverly has decided to dress up as a cat, a normal costume for someone her age, and Bill dressed up as Marty McFly. He was late on the trend but hadn’t gotten the chance to dress up like him before. 

Ben came wandering up the street and sat next to Beverley on a half-empty bench, Bill took notice. He was dressed as one of the New Kids On The Block, which highly amused Beverly. 

“Where’s Mike and Y/N?” Bill wanted to get the show on the road and stay near Beverly as much as he could. There were so many houses to explore and so little time with the dumb curfew in place. 

Beverly sat down on the grass, “Mike said he was meeting Y/N at her place, they should be here any minute.”

“Since when do they hang out alone?” asked Richie. 

“Why do you ask Richie, are you jealous?” Eddie snickered at the confused boy. 

“Am not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“Eddie you know wha-“

Mike cut both of them off, “Sorry we’re late, Y/N wanted to make sure she had everything ready.” The whole group relapsed when they saw her costume, a makeshift clown, that looked a tad-bit like Pennywise, stood in front of them. Mike was dressed as Doc from Back To The Future to match Bill. All of them had exceptional costumes, except for Eddie. 

“Eddie, what are you wearing?” was the first thing to come out of Y/N mouth. 

“See even she agrees with me that your costume sucks!” Richie gaped. 

She frowned, “I didn’t say that I just want to know why he’s covered in toilet paper.”

“Well, you meant it.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Eddie let out a huff, “Are we going to get candy or not.”

The sun had already set and the already cold temperature began to drop even lower. It was only 7 and that didn’t leave much time until 10. The day before everyone tried to map out what houses would be the best to go to, but it ended up with Richie scribbling all over the paper and Bill lecturing him on proper behavior, exciting isn’t it. They ended up scrapping the map and just running around through town. 

“How about we start by Main Street and make our way to Jackson?” Mike had the best sense of direction out of all of the Losers, a natural talent he developed while bucking through town. 

Stan nodded, “That sounds like a good plan.” They all made their way up the street, separating into their smaller groups. Eddie, Richie, and Y/N held up the back, mostly joking about Eddie’s trashy outfit. Beverly and Bill decided to lead all of them, flashlights in hand, discussing some leftover English homework. The middle has a mix of Ben, Stan, and Mike as they chatted about which house had the most candy. 

The streets began to quickly fill with smaller children. Really no one in their grade had decided to go out for candy, a party had been the main focus for the high school students. As per usual, none of the nine kids had been invited, they didn’t even know of the event, better that they didn’t. All they hoped was that Bowers or any other new bullies, or harassers had decided to gang up on them. 

Ben stopped the group and pointed at a giant green house, “Guys look at the size of that one! I bet you they have a lot of candy!”

“That’s what she said.” Richie joked. 

Y/N just looked at him, “How does that even make sense.” They both laughed as they approached the house. Richie has the need to be funny in front of her, regardless of how loud he really was, if he made her laugh it was worth it.  The rest of the teens were halfway up the driveway while the other two jokes about phony decorations.

“Could you guys be any slower,”  complained Bev. Her voice was strongly overpowered by the teens’ hearty laughs. The night began like that, the group would get candy and move onto another house and so on. All of a sudden the perfect idea popped into Richie’s head.

“Do you want to go do something?” Richie beamed, he had a devious plan and it had to work.

“What do you mean?” he pulled her away from the rest of the group.

“Let’s go do something fun, come on this is so boring.” Y/N shrugged in response, as much as she wanted to hang out with her friends whatever Richie was thinking sounded a lot more entertaining. Richie tried to compromise, now was his chance! 

“Come on, please!”

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

The moon loomed over the Losers Club as Mike shivered, his costume wasn’t enough to keep him warm. He felt like his parents were getting impatient just by the hour, they weren’t too happy with him being out with his friends so late. He wished that this could go quicker, but with Bill that might just be impossible. 

“Come on guys, this is the last house on the street.” He huffed. Wait… someone’s missing. He tried to do a headcount and two were gone. Y/N and Richie, of course. 

He looked around, but there was no sight of them. No one seemed to notice their disappearance, but it was quieter. Stanley noticed Mike behind him and they linked up. They filled each other in. The rest continued on in confusion.

“Where did they go?” Stanley shined his cracked flashlight around the neighborhood, all he could see was heaps of children.  “Have you guys seen the two jokesters around anywhere?” Stanley called out a few shouts of “No!” and “Where are they?” emerged from the teens.

Eddie smiled, “Maybe Richie finally made his move.” He slapped his mouth shut, no one else knew about Richie’s ‘dirty secret and he sure as hell didn’t mean to enhance it.

The group stopped walking, “Wait he seriously likes her.” Ben asked. None of them really seemed to care anyway. It wasn’t a huge revelation.

Eddie shook his head, “Just pretend I said nothing.”

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

“Just this way,” Richie guided, “I swear we’re almost there.”

A singular beam of light gleamed in front of them, Y/N could barely see anything. The area was of course familiar, The Kissing Bridge. She had no idea on why Rich brought her there, her costume began to itch, few bugs began attacking her arms and legs. The bumps would be worth it in the end. They made their way inside the rickety old bridge, it creaked with on small footstep, ready to collapse. Frogs croaked in the bathroom and Y/N didn’t know why she was there.

“Rich, what are we doing?” she slapped a mosquito on her elbow, the silence was cut with a knife.

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “I personally didn’t want to go collect candy with them.”

She laughed, “That’s an interesting way to put it, but seriously, what do you want to do?”

He thought, what could they do that would be fun, curfew was coming in quick and there was no stores open.

“We could skip rocks?” What kind of response was that? Skipping rocks, how interesting.

 Surprisingly she nodded her head and the two began to walk down a hill. Leaves crunched below them, the boy started to collect pebbles

He handed her a few, he picked the small and round ones just for her, “Here, take these.

“Thanks.” Their hands brushed together and the throwing began. Few rocks managed to skip, none of them paid any attention to the activity. Both drifted off into a sort of dream-like state.

“You know what, I’m just gonna say it.” Richie’s emotions got the best of him.

Y/N turned to look him in the eyes, completely oblivious to what was happening, “Say what?” He took a deep breath, “I like you alot and I needed to know if you want to go see a movie with me. Only if you want.”

Y/N’s eyes went big, “Wait really? I’d love too!”

Relief washed over him, “Good, I thought you liked Eddie or something.”

“Wow, good one.” she laughed.

The rest of their night went swimmingly, jokes and stuffing their faces with candy. The perfect Halloween night for a teen, even if they were home late, far passed the curfew. All worth it.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

[bookishable]

deathly hallows book moments

warning: this one’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions, read at your own risk.

‘the idea of a teenage dumbledore was simply odd, like trying to imagine a stupid hermione or a friendly blast-ended skrewt.’

“i don’t think you’re a waste of space.”

‘he felt like asking them to show a little more respect for his privacy as they all began stripping off with impunity, clearly much more at ease with displaying his body than they would have been with their own.’

ron: why do i have to clean my room? mrs weasley: !!! WEDDING !!! ron: theyre not getting married in my damn bedroom

“we’re coming with you. that was decided months ago—years, really.”

“if i picked up a sword right now, ron, and ran you through with it, i wouldn’t damage your soul at all.” “which would be a real comfort to me, i’m sure”

harry waking up on his birthday forgetting he was 17

“accio glasses!” although they were only around a foot away, there was something immensely satisfying about seeing them zoom towards him, at least until they poked him in the eye.

ron giving harry a book called twelve fail-safe ways to charm witches for his birthday

“i’ve learned a lot. you’d be surprised, it’s not all about wandwork, either.”

‘the rest of her speech was lost; harry had got up and hugged her. he tried to put a lot of unsaid things into the hug and perhaps she understood them’

“are you planning to follow a career in magical law, miss granger?” “no i’m not, i’m hoping to do some good in the world!”

“it’s time you learned some respect!” “it’s time you earned it”

hermione: when we were little we heard stories like snow white and cinderella ron: what’s that, an illness? harry: rip me i never got read any stories

“a brutal triple murder by the bridegroom’s mother might put a bit of a damper on the wedding.”

“merlin’s beard, what is xenophilius lovegood wearing? he looks like an omelette.” excuse me why wasn’t auntie muriel like this in the film

“he used to down an entire bottle of firewhisky, then run on to the dance floor, hoist up his robes and start pulling bunches of flowers out of his—” “yes, he sounds a real charmer”

harry suggesting that xenophilius lovegood’s deathly hallows necklace is the cross-section of the head of a crumple-horned snorkack

“vot is the point of being an international quidditch player if all the good-looking girls are taken?”

‘harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where ron could stick his wand instead.’

harry reading lily’s letter and noticing that they wrote their g’s the same way as each other, i’m sobbing

‘the letter was an incredible treasure, proof that lily potter had lived, really lived’

KREACHER’S GODDAMN TALE

kreacher hitting mundungus over the head with a saucepan “perhaps just one more, master harry, for luck?”

“if anyone shouldn’t go, it’s harry, he’s got a ten thousand galleon price on his head—” “fine, i’ll stay here, let me know if you ever defeat voldemort, won’t you?”

‘with a twinge of regret that had nothing to do with food, harry imagined the house-elf busying himself over the steak and kidney pie that harry, ron and hermione would never eat.’

‘not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.’

the sign outside the wreckage of the potters’ house, covered with messages left for harry

the child who had the nerve to say “nice costume, mister!” to mr tom riddle the dark lord voldemort, what an icon

“after you left, she cried for a week. probably longer, only she didn’t want me to see. there were loads of nights when we never even spoke to each other. with you gone… she’s like my sister, i love her like a sister and i reckon she feels the same way about me. it’s always been like that. i thought you knew.”

“you’ve sort of made up for it tonight, getting the sword. finishing off the horcrux. saving my life.” “that makes me sound a lot cooler than i was” “stuff like that always sounds cooler than it really was, i’ve been trying to tell you that for years.”

ron single-handedly fighting off five snatchers by telling them he was stan shunpike

“he must’ve known i’d run out on you.” “no, he must’ve known you’d always want to come back.”

“i just think it’s a bit spookier if it’s midnight!” “yeah, because we really need a bit more fear in our lives”

“death’s got an invisibility cloak?” “so he can sneak up on people, sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…”

luna decorating her bedroom ceiling with paintings of her friends (i’m not crying, you are)

POTTERWATCH

“we’re all human, aren’t we? every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.”

“i’d tell him we’re all with him in spirit, and i’d tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right.”

hagrid throwing a ‘support harry potter’ party

“the fact remains he can move faster than severus snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to”

“no! you can have me, keep me!” this book went from making me smile to shattering my heart in around three pages

‘hermione was screaming again: the sound went through harry like physical pain.’

ron’s ‘passable imitation of wormtail’s wheezy voice’

“so young, to be fighting so many.”

‘ron said, “blimey, a baby!” as if he had never heard of such a thing before.’

‘he seemed set on course to become just as reckless a godfather to teddy lupin as sirius black had been to him.’

“he was never free, never, the night that your brother died he drank a potion that drove him out of his mind. he started screaming, pleading with someone who wasn’t there… it was torture to him, if you’d seen him then, you wouldn’t say he was free.”

“i’m going to keep going until i succeed—or i die. don’t think i don’t know how this might end. i’ve known it for years.”

“i got this one for asking her how much muggle blood she and her brother have got.” “blimey, neville, there’s a time and a place for getting a smart mouth.”

“yeah, well, food’s one of the five exceptions to gamp’s law of elemental transfiguration,” said ron, to general astonishment.

“why would harry potter try to get inside ravenclaw tower? potter belongs in my house!”

‘harry heard a little strain of pride in her voice, and affection for minerva mcgonagall gushed up inside him.’

harry using the cruciatus curse on amycus in front of mcgonagall because “he spat at you”

mcgonagall dueling snape and sending a swarm of daggers at him

“where’s professor snape?” “he has, to use the common phrase, done a bunk” minerva i love you

neville throwing mandrakes over the walls

“is this the moment? OI! there’s a war going on here!” “i know, mate, so it’s now or never, isn’t it?”

‘and percy was shaking his brother, and ron was kneeling beside them, and fred’s eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face.’

‘a herd of galloping desks thundered past, shepherded by a sprinting professor mcgonagall.’

harry stunned the death eater as they passed: malfoy looked around, beaming, for his saviour, and ron punched him from under the cloak. “and that’s the second time we’ve saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!”

trelawney using crystal balls to knock out death eaters ‘with a movement like a tennis serve’

“are you a wizard, or what?”

“you must kill me.” “would you like me to do it now? or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?”

‘this cold-blooded walk to his own destruction would require a different kind of bravery.’

‘he was tiny in death.’

‘he felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then, would he ever have had the strength to stop looking?’

“we’re all going to keep fighting, harry. you know that?”

“i am sorry too, sorry i will never know him… but he will know why i died and i hope he will understand. i was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life.”

“until the very end”

“this is, as they say, your party.” harry had no idea what this meant; dumbledore was being infuriating.

“it is a curious thing, harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.”

“do not pity the dead, harry. pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

“of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

‘the scream was the more terrible because he had never expected or dreamed that professor mcgonagall could make such a sound.’

ron breaking voldemort’s silencing charm “he beat you!”

“i’ll join you when hell freezes over, dumbledore’s army!”

harry calling voldemort tom riddle like “yes, i dare”

‘tom riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken’ where please, movies?

‘mcgonagall had replaced the house tables, but nobody was sitting according to house anymore’

peeves’ song voldy’s gone mouldy

‘tears were sliding down from behind the half-moon spectacles into the long silver beard, and the pride and the gratitude emanating from him filled harry with the same balm as phoenix song.’

harry FIXING HIS DAMN WAND

“i’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.”

“if you’re not in gryffindor, we’ll disinherit you, but no pressure.”

albus complaining that everyone is staring and ron being like “it’s me. i’m extremely famous.”

‘the scar had not pained harry for nineteen years. all was well.’

[anotherfanficblog]

What Is This Feeling So Sudden And New?: Chapter 2

Pairing: Richie x Eddie

Word Count: 1828

Warnings: Swearing

Masterlist

AO3

...................

Richie and Stan watched as Bill and Eddie carried Richie’s stuff into the dorm. Eddie was talking to Bill about something and it was clearly funny as Bill let out a hearty laugh. Stan sighs wistfully. “Hear that Richie?” Stan asked his friend.

“What?” Richie asked confused.

“His laugh almost as if a choir of angels are singing just for me,” Stan said going into what Richie referred to as ‘heart eyes mode’. Richie’s eyes flicked between Stan and Bill and he raised his eyebrows.

“You’re not going to do anything stupid are you?” Richie asked.

“Like what?”

“The M-word” Richie said accusingly.

“No. Of course not” Stan said his voice slightly higher than usual “but it wouldn’t be such a bad idea though would it?”

“If you say so,” Richie said turning around to unpack some of his things.

“You don’t think he’s gorgeous?” Stan asked.

“He’s very nice Stan,” Richie said blandly “I just prefer something a little less…obvious”

“Like what?” Stan asked confused “I mean who?”

“I don’t know,” Richie thought for a moment “him I suppose.” Stan looked to where Richie was gesturing to surprisingly see Eddie.

“Eddie!” Stan said shocked.

“Yeah it’s a purely objective statement,” Richie said, “like saying you prefer a Ferrari to a Porsche.”

“Bit rude isn’t it, comparing men to cars,” Stan said.

“Depends on the car” Richie joked “he’s a very attractive guy, Eddie… Or at least he would be if he wasn’t such a small carnivorous dinosaur with vicious little teeth.” As Richie was saying this Eddie walked past and flipped Richie off.

“Velociraptor” Stan stated.

“Yeah exactly.” Richie made his way over to Eddie eager to annoy him just a little more. It was one of his favourite past times. “Just discussing our favourite dinosaurs” Richie said.

“I’m sure” Eddie replied not looking up from his phone. A pause fell over the two.

“Eds-“

“Don’t call me Eds,” Eddie said quickly.

“Can I speak honestly?” Richie asked.

“I don’t know can you?” Eddie quipped still not looking at Richie.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Richie asked.

“I don’t know perhaps it’s the way you care about nobody but yourself, you’re loud obnoxious and you think that you’re better than everyone else despite you very clearly being worse,” Eddie said bitterly.

“Pretty sure it’s just cos I bet you in that fourth-grade spelling bee” Richie teased.

“You’re impossible” Eddie huffed, storming away.

………………….

Almost a week had passed of Richie and Eddie living together and the entire dorm complex had had enough. They’d received noise complaint after noise complaint, the police were even called at one stage as someone passing by had heard the fighting and though there was a domestic violence issue afoot. Turns out Richie had just hidden Eddie’s laptop.

To try to avoid any further police intervention Stan and Bill decided to talk to Richie and Eddie the night of Henry’s party to try and get them to calm down a little bit.

Bill and Eddie were getting ready at Eddie’s dorm. Bill was going as Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future and Eddie was going as Harry Potter. As the pair were getting ready Bill was trying to coerce Eddie into getting along with Richie.

“I’m not saying you guys need to become best friends or anything but just try not to fight so much” Bill sighed feeling like what he was saying was landing on deaf ears. Eddie went to object but Bill persisted “And if you must fight do it in hushed tones as to not wake the dead.”

Eddie went to object again but saw the distressed look on Bills face and realised that maybe he should consider his friend’s feelings before his own. With a heavy sigh, Eddie admitted defeat “I suppose I should try to be civil. Like you said it’s only for one year and then I’ll never have to see his ugly face again.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Bill said with a small smile not allowing himself to get his hopes up quite yet “you know if you actually gave Richie a chance I actually think that you two would get along well.”

“Okay, Bill let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Eddie laughed.

“No, I mean it. I have a feeling that you’d be great friends… Maybe even more” Bill smirked.

Eddie rolled his eyes “Jesus Christ you get one boyfriend and suddenly you think that everyone should be in love.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want a boyfriend?” Bill asked.

“I’m not saying that… I’m just saying that even the idea of me and Richie ever forming some sort of relationship is absurd.” Bill simply nodded his head, but Eddie saw the smug look on his face. “C’mon let’s get going. I need a fucking drink.”

………………….

Down the hall, Richie and Stan were getting ready. They were both going as Spider-man upon Richie’s insistence so that they could recreate the Spider-man meme. Stan was giving Richie a very similar talk to the one Bill gave Eddie.

“Come on Richie can’t you be the bigger person here and just move past whatever differences you have?” Stan asked exasperated.

“But Stan-” Richie tried to plead.

“No buts Richie!” Stan said loudly before softening his voice “I’ve really like living with Bill for these past days it feels so amazing just to wake up every morning and have his beautiful face be the first thing I see. Please don’t ruin this for me.” Richie finally saw who he was hurting, it wasn’t Eddie it was Stan and Richie felt terrible.

“Okay,” Richie said quietly and Stan’s entire face illuminated with joy.

“Thank you, Richie,” Stan said pulling Richie in for a hug “now let’s go get wasted.”

…………………..

At the party, the group had split up all electing to get wasted in different corners of the very loud and much-crowed frat house. While it was a rare sight to see Bill and Stan not together Stan had something else on his mind that he didn’t want Bill to find out. Stan sat in a corner of the house fiddling with a ring box talking silently to himself “it would be my honour if… no… I humbly ask you to consider… I’d be over the moon if-”

“Nice to see you here,” a voice said making Stan jump. Stan turned to see Henry who had come dressed as the joker now standing next to him, this immediately made Stan tense.

“Henry” Stan acknowledge the man next to him “having fun?”

“Oh you know me,” Henry said “crying on the inside.”

“So Bill eh? Smart move” Henry said taking a puff of his cigarette.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stan asked defensively.

“Nothing,” Henry said putting his hands up “just that he’s a very pretty boy that’s all… very popular.” Stan followed Henry’s eye line to see Bill and Richie standing too close for Stan’s liking. Stan knew that Richie was a flirt but he wouldn’t go so far as to flirt with Stan’s boyfriend would he? He knew he wouldn’t do it sober but put a bit of alcohol in Richie and there’s no telling what he’ll do.

“I’m going to get another drink. Can I get you anything?” Henry asked Stan, didn’t respond to Henry and kept his eyes trained on Bill and Richie. “Stan?” Henry asked snapping Stan out of his trance.

“What?” Stan asked.

“Drink?”

“No, I’m good thanks,” Stan said walking over to where Bill and Richie were standing. As he approached the pair he heard Bill and Richie giggling like little school girls.

“Bev’s looking for you,” Stan said to Bill.

“Oh” Bill said seeing Stan appear “where?”

“Upstairs,” Stan said with a fake smiling as Bill walked off.

“Bye! Ciao!” Richie waved. Once Bill had left Stan pulled Richie aside.

“Give it a rest will you,” Stan said sternly.

“What? What have I done?” Richie asked.

Across the room, Eddie saw Stan and Richie talking and decided to go say hi as he’d mostly tried to avoid them all night. Well, he tried to avoid Richie and in turn had avoided Stan but Eddie quite enjoyed Stan’s company and wanted to say hi.

As Stan left to follow Bill Richie was left confused as to what he had done to annoy Stan he hadn’t picked any fights with Eddie or done anything particularly tenacious. Richie pulled down his Spider-man mask.

“Stan? Stan?” Richie heard someone shout from behind him. Richie turned to see Eddie.

“It is Stan isn’t it?” Eddie joked smiling. This left Richie confused until he realised that Eddie thought that he was Stan. “Come on, I haven’t seen you all evening let’s chat,” Eddie said grabbing Richie’s hand and pulling him to a nearby sofa.                                                                                             Richie looked around to see if there was a way to escape but found none.

‘Well shit’ he thought.

“Where’s your sidekick then Stan?” Eddie asked.

“Sidekick?” Richie asked confused.

“Probably making his way through the buffet” Eddie laughed “seeing how many chicken fingers he can fit into his mouth.”

“What do you mean?” Richie asked offended.

“Well let me put it this way. They say stress is supposed to make you lose weight so Richie’s final year of college must be the breeziest thing ever” Eddie said puffing out his cheeks.

Richie mumbled something that Eddie didn’t quite catch. “Sorry I can’t hear you, Stan. Why don’t you take your mask off?” Eddie offered.

“I said he still seems quite popular with the fellas and ladies,” Richie said defending himself.

“Yeah well, that’s what he likes you to believe,” Eddie said “But that long hair makes him look like someone’s dropped a ton of melted chocolate on his head. And has he started growing a beard because if so someone needs to tell him to stop, he looks like he’s got food smeared around his mouth.”

“Just as well you never have to kiss him then,” Richie said.

“And for that, I thank God every day.”

“I’ll tell Richie what you said,” Richie said threateningly.

“Fine tell him,” Eddie said, “he’ll just fire back with some smart ass remark and it won’t be funny or make sense and nobody will be listening to him anyway-”

Richie had heard enough at this point and got up “would you excuse me for one moment.”

“Stan?” Eddie asked, “Was it something I said?”

Richie saw his friend Mike dancing in the corner and decided he needed someone to vent to. Richie made his way over pulling his mask off his face. “Richie!” Mike said as he saw his friend approaching “just so you have some warning one of the boys have hired a karaoke machine-”

“He is Satan,” Richie said annoyed “he looks normal but he’s Satan in human form.”

“Who?” Mike asked confused.

“Eddie” Richie stated like it was obvious.

“Ah of course,” Mike said knowingly “come on let's get you a drink.”

.....................

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

How do you feel about Catra, Shadow Weaver, and Hordak? I know you said you find SW interesting but like on a scale how redeemable do you think these characters are. Ive seen a lot of infighting in the fandom cause some people love one and hate another and I just figured you would approach the topic nicely

Oh damn, happy to respond! (Under the cut because I don’t know how to shut up.) 

I think I’ve seen some of the posts that you’re talking about, and my friend did tell me that there was apparently tension between Entrapdak and Catradora shippers for that very reason. Still, I should start off by saying that the only character who is probably completely irredeemable is Horde Prime. And knowing this show, they’ll find a way to humanize even him if they are so inclined. The great thing about She-Ra is that there aren’t so much heroes and villains as there are complicated people. Undertale is the same way. This might sound weird, but I legitimately hope Horde Prime does get humanized, because otherwise it’s just way too easy for all of the characters to band together and take him out for a happy ending. This show has never had a character that was pure evil before, know what I mean? 

With that in mind...let’s talk about Hordak. 

I know, I know...before Horde Prime was known to us...Hordak basically was Horde Prime. That’s the role he played in the show, and it’s not like he isn’t guilty of countless war crimes. He’s a conqueror, and yeah, conquerors should not get off scot-free. But...Hordak is also clearly an abuse victim. That doesn’t excuse him from what he’s done, but I can’t just ignore it. He was so eager to get back to Horde Prime, so determined to please him and prove himself to his “big brother.” and the moment that they’re reunited? We see what a nightmare it is for Hordak, see him get mentally violated and brain-washed. This can’t be the first time it’s happened, and yet all Hordak wanted was to return to Horde Prime. This man is so sheltered and so emotionally stunted in relationships, that I doubt he understands the full ramifications of his actions. He certainly doesn’t understand that he’s in abusive relationship. Hordak is just doing what he knows. He could learn better, if he learns to accept what a monster Horde Prime is. (But first he’ll need to break from the conditioning.)

 I genuinely like how it took Entrapta, a character who isn’t really loyal to either side, to reach out to him and help him understand how it feels for a person to care about him, and not fear him even when he tries to be intimidating. And whether or not you ship them, (I do, I admit it) Hordak clearly has feelings for her and that guides his character in Season 4. I don’t know if Adora and the others will agree to take him in...but Entrapta will remember the bond they had. I just feel so bad for this guy, even if he has killed countless innocents. My philosophy about redeeming villains is very much a pragmatic one...will Hordak’s redemption spit in the face of all his victims? Perhaps. Will it bring them back to life? No. But neither will executing him or throwing him in prison. If he can heal, if he can learn better, and do better...why should we waste that growth? Why shouldn’t he be allowed the chance to make up for what he’s done? It seems to me like there is everything to be gained, and nothing to be lost, in letting him redeem himself.

Of course, there are many types of crimes...let’s move on to Shadow Weaver.

....She’s a child abuser. Plain and simple. That is a hard pill to swallow, that is a very difficult thing for me to look past. I don’t think I can do it. The way she treated Catra, the way it’s ruined Catra and Adora’s relationship...it’s unspeakable. She manipulates Catra one last time and leaves her high and dry so she can escape and go to Bright Moon...whereupon, she starts grooming Glimmer the same way she did Micah. I know it seems silly to be more upset about child abuse than what probably amounts to genocide on Hordak’s part...but part of it is how relatable the crimes are. There’s a reason most Harry Potter fans hate Umbridge more than Voldemort. Most people don’t know a mass-murderer, and excusing a character like Hordak won’t change their perspective on murder being wrong. But plenty of people might know an abuser, and abusers thrive on a culture that blames victims and downplays the effects of abuse, or otherwise excuses those responsible. We need to get better about sending the message that abuse is real, and wrong. But the great thing about She-Ra is that it depicts the cycle, from Shadow Weaver to Catra. If Catra is redeemable, why not Shadow Weaver? 

And here’s the thing...I’m not saying she isn’t redeemable. Just that I don’t expect this show to fully redeem her, and I’m 100% behind that outcome. She could be allowed to live in peace with the other characters, her victims might forgive or at least tolerate her. (Especially if she wins over Micah again.) But even if I find her genuinely compelling...I’m not seeing too many outcomes where she would deserve this mercy. Shadow Weaver has done terrible, selfish things, and her only loyalties seem to lie with knowledge and power. She’s completely unrepentant, and while she acknowledges that she was “hard on Catra” she also refuses to apologize. Shadow Weaver strikes me very much as a kind of “no regrets” type of person. But she also has a fascination with power, and any time she sees a youngin’ with a lot of potential, (Micah, Adora) she seeks to train them. Considering how poor her record is...she needs to stop doing this. I might be inclined to forgive Shadow Weaver, if she acknowledges her own short-comings, apologizes to the people she’s hurt, and realizes that looking after children is not something she’s cut out to do.  

Finally, there’s Catra. 

In many ways, she’s my favorite character. (Though I also might go with Glimmer.) The story is largely centered around Catra’s journey alongside Adora’s...she might as well be a secondary protagonist. What’s more, she’s a character who we basically know is going to get redeemed, Noelle has all but told us that it’s going to happen. I’m fine with her getting redeemed but so help me god if she dies in the process....if any aspiring writers are reading this, please stop killing your villains to complete their redemption arcs. Let them enjoy being redeemed. Please. Anyway, where was I? Ah that’s right, Catra. There have been times that I was beyond frustrated with her because she was purposefully choosing to be “evil” as Double Trouble lampshades at the end of Season 4. By the time she opened up the Portal, after sentencing Entrapta to die, nearly dooming the entire world, causing Angela’s death, and despite it all she still blamed Adora even though she only did all of this because she wanted to beat Adora...yeah, I was really running out of patience for Catra. And even now, I can’t really bring myself to agree with the fans as they draw parallels between Catra opening the Portal and Glimmer activating the Heart of Etheria. I’m sure this was intentional, too. The echoing of two characters dooming everyone through an impulsive, reckless choice. However...as I said, Catra was pretty much going off the deep end when she opened the Portal. She just wanted to stick it to Adora. I realize I may be biased as a Glimmer stan, but Glimmer was at least trying to defeat the Horde. Her intentions, however misguided, were noble. She thought she was doing the right thing. Catra just didn’t care. 

All this, and you might think I’m Anti-Catra, that I await her inevitable redemption with gritted teeth. But that’s not true at all. Catra is a character who is her own worst enemy, and characters like that have a knack for winning my sympathy. She continues to dig herself into a deeper hole and hurts those around her in the process. Part of her journey is realizing that and presumably working to change it. This is why I love how distant she becomes from Lonnie and the others in S4. Why I love Double Trouble betraying and completely shutting her down with their monologue about her. Why I cheered louder than you can imagine at “You’re a bad friend.” Because it was such an amazing crossroads in the development of both Scorpia and Catra’s characters. To be clear, I love these moments not because I dislike Catra, but because I genuinely like her as a character, and Catra as a “good guy” is a lot of fun. I don’t know how many people remember what it was like in the first episode when Catra and Adora were still besties, but it was just generally fun. I miss that dynamic. I want Catra to learn from her mistakes. Because I rambled on about the terrible things Shadow Weaver has done, and onscreen those were primarily done to Catra. She’s a character that I am rooting for one-hundred percent. A character who is almost a deconstruction of the tired writing trope “They had a hard childhood, and now that you know that, they are redeemed.” Catra turns that on it’s head. “Promise” is one of my favorite episodes for this very reason. Few moments have gotten me as choked up as Adora saying that she thought Catra didn’t care about being Force Captain, and Catra exploding with “Well I was lying, obviously!” It was a reveal that I genuinely didn’t see coming, but it makes so much sense, and demonstrates how much Catra has sacrificed for Adora and how much that weighs on her every time she makes a villainous decision. 

TL;DR: I am one-hundred percent on board with Catra and Hordak redemption, and tentatively on board with Shadow Weaver redemption.

[awed-frog]

in which caesar hasn’t even been born yet

[Hi, this is me stanning Adrian Goldsworthy’s biography of Caesar. I studied Classics, but not this period, so all I can contribute here are squeals of delight, a few mistakes and the occasional witty comment. If you’d like to know more, please buy the book - it’s really good and a fun read.]

PART 1

So the first thing that’s important to remember if we’re talking about Rome is that Rome sucked. And, I mean, it sucked in a wide variety of very specific ways, but when it comes to the world Caesar would soon be born into, well - Rome sucked because it fooled everyone into thinking it was a democracy (to. this. fucking. day.) when it really, really wasn’t.

Basically, Rome worked the usual way: if you’re rich, you get a say; if you’re not, fucking starve maybe? Loser.

Specifically, the main reason why Rome had managed to defeat everyone else by that point is because it was a very well-structured, yet oddly flexible, oligarchy - which means you don’t have a mad king suddenly deciding he’s going to invade the Moon (= monarchy) or some rich asshole forming a new party and causing a civil war (= democracy). Instead, wealthy people worked together to remain wealthy, and those who seemed a bit dangerous or too ambitious could be booted out before they became a problem.

More specifically, there were three bodies of power (we’re talking about 130 BC or so): the magistrates, the Senate and the Popular Assemblies.

The magistrates are few, and they normally only stay in power for one year, but they can do a lot of things. A lot. They’re sort of the executive, and if you’re rich and talented, that’s where you start your career.

The Senate is a ~parliament: it convenes when the magistrates decide it should, debates stuff and votes on stuff. You’re automatically part of it if you’re a) rich enough and b) old enough and c) obviously a man and also d) a Roman (duh).

The Assemblies are fun. They can’t debate or propose anything, just vote on items from a list, and traditionally vote what the Senate tells them they should vote. Also the nice part is - in theory, these were open to all male citizens BUT not everyone’s vote was equal. There were, like, groups depending on class and wealth, and every group had one vote. Surprisingly, this tended to favour richer people, simply because there’s always more poor people than rich people. So a group of three very rich people would share one vote, and a group of two billion poor people would also share one vote. 

Another fun fact is that shortly before Caesar was born the system was starting to crack because imperialism. 

You’d think imperialism would be a good thing! But nope!! History is full of surprises!!! See, the problem is as follows:

You have a beautiful new country but it’s tiny and all your neighbours have Things and could be Dangerous, so you start attacking them and later write 9896-line poems on how you had to attack them because alas, your tribe had no women and women are the absolute best.

To prevent the survivors from stabbing you in the back, you offer them generous peace terms, like low taxes, paved roads and not-quite-a-Roman-but-hey-at-least-you’re-not-a-barbarian-anymore status.

Great. Now you have a larger territory and a free supply of soldiers (which your allies have to provide, cf. *Terms &Conditions) to go to war.

Unfortunately, these new wars take more time because in order to kill people and destroy entire civilisations you’re forced to go farther and farther away from home. #LiveLoveTravel

What this means is that the poorer soldiers in your army are struggling to keep their day job - if they’re away from home for five years, their farms won’t produce anything much.

Luckily, you and your friends are getting richer and richer because of everything you stole in the conquered lands and also all the slaves you’re bringing back.

[*instert light bulb gif*]

That’s how rich people start buying poor people off their land and creating vast estates farmed by slaves.

Meanwhile, those who can’t afford to play Roman monopoly basically become professional soldiers, which means more than half or the economy suddenly depends on being in a permanent state of war.

Spoiler alert: this fine and just system stops working when a) you run out of countries to crush or b) your military commanders are rich idiots who keep losing battles or c) enough soldiers get old and need an actual job, money and a house. 

And this brings us to about 30 BC (before Caesar), ie 130 BC (before Christ, but at this point, of course, it’s all a bit Christ who?).

By now, all of those three things have started to happen. 

In particular, a large bit of the Roman army is massacred by some Northern tribes who, honestly, were just moving around and Didn’t see you there, my bad, and the entire city of Rome starts to freak the fuck out. As it usually happens, this means the one decent startegist they’ve got in the entire army gets promoted - Marius, Caesar’s uncle and a hero of many foreign wars, becomes consul and basically stays consul well after the official terms. 

(Which: weird and dangerous! A threat to ‘democracy’!

But: he slaughters a lot of dangerous enemies abroad, so that’s fine.)

And secondly: someone realizes inequality is a ticking time bomb and they’d better find a place and a good salary for all those soldiers before they form a mob and burn everything to the ground.

Enter the Gracchi brothers. 

I know everyone goes through a teenage phase of stanning the Gracchi (including the whole ‘I’ll pretend-kiss that poster of yours I’ve got in my bedroom’), but just as a reminder, Tiberius and Gaius Gracchus were two tribunes who tried to make the Roman system work for everyone, not just the 1%, and were brutally murdered for their trouble.

(Of course, this being Rome it’s completely possible they were self-serving assholes drafting legislation to win over the public and crown themselves Mr et Mr Universum, but let’s be optimistic for fucking once.

I like them.

There.)

Their proposals were stuff like: limiting how much land one guy can own, redistribution of all that other land to the poor (which automatically created more soldiers for the army, btw, because you couldn’t fight if you didn’t own land), fighting against senatorial corruption, giving more rights to allied tribes and keeping wheat at a set price so nobody would actually starve to death when the markets were bad.

As I said, they were both lynched by political opponents, which doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me is that Rome was surprised. Apparently, despite - well - everything - until 133 BC, when Tiberius and his friends were chased down the streets by angry senators, killed with random furniture and then thrown in the Tiber, Roman politics had been sort of civilised.

(Uh.)

With that murder, it all changed, and this is how Caesar’s story begins. 

— NEXT

[angel-wings-and-broken-things]

A rant about Vanya Hargreeves

(Note: this is decidedly anti-Vanya. If that bothers you, I suggest you click off right now, you have been warned. That said, I'm always up for some friendly debate if you see anything that I’ve said is incorrect, but please don’t respond with bullshit comments like “Luther made her” as it’s an embarrassing display of the pure immaturity that comes from Vanya stans.)

So I’ve been putting off this rant for a long time, mainly because I’ve been busy with school and other stuff. Also, I’ve been getting my kicks ranting to my sister about the pure idiocy that is Vanya Hargreeves and Vanya stans. However, my sister now says that she is done listening to my hour-long rage-fueled rants. Let me tell you that I cried, because a staple in my morning routine has become eating my toast and spilling tea with my younger sister. However, when presented with the facts, for example, that she has never watched the show and has no opinions on the character nor on the cataclysmic stupidity of the fandom for idolizing this psychopathic monster, I realized that perhaps it was the proper time for me to make this, and pray that I can move on to a life of happiness after expelling my hatred of these unintelligent people and arguments.

Also, I’m extremely high on caffeine and procrastinating my essays. So please bear with me as I take you on the journey of my three AM coffee induced rants. I understand that there is a very slim chance that I will change anybody's mind about Vanya, as many people choose to be ignorant about the problematic and hypocritical behavior of their favorite character. Society is relentless in its enablement of the truly moronic behaviors, and nothing has made me lose more faith in the world than the actual arguments I have seen from the half-witted, mindless Vanya stans. I’m not saying that everyone who stans Vanya is an idiot, but if someone else were to say it I would not disagree. Unfortunately, that is simply the conclusion that all evidence leads to. This introduction has gotten away from me a bit, so without further ado, here is every single bullshit argument that I have seen Vanya stans argue debunked.

Vanya’s Childhood.                        

First of all, I would like to point out that I have the utmost sympathy for all of the Hargreeves children for having to grow up with an abusive father. At no point in this rant will I disvalue Vanya’s trauma. As much as I truly hate her character, invalidating traumatic experiences and PTSD is a fucking dick move that I will leave to other parts of the fandom (*cough* anti-Luthers *cough*).

Now that that’s out of the way, let me dig deep into her psychopathic tendencies and unflinching lack of remorse for her actions that clearly has been present since adolescence. First, let us address her powers. I see people everywhere saying that having her powers bound was abusive and horrible, that Allison could have rumored her to have control instead, that she didn’t mean to do any of the things she did, etc. However, please consider that Reginald didn’t have a choice. Or rather I should say that his choices were limited and he made the best possible one given the circumstances. I’m not condoning his actions at all, I will be the first to denounce his actions and character. However, we need to consider all of the facts; not only did she physically attack him, but she also murdered several innocent people because she didn’t like oatmeal. This was to the point that Reginald designed Grace for the sole purpose of having someone who could control Vanya. Vanya was clearly displaying apathetic tendencies towards murder at a young age and cares nothing for the people she killed as long as she got what she wanted. She murdered people over oatmeal, and people stay defending her?

I was shocked when I saw this scene and realized that people were still stanning Vanya, because do you know what this points to people? A pattern. Vanya is a power-hungry maniac. This is shown many times in the show. She knows that she’s the most powerful person in the room and she shamelessly abuses that privilege. When she is a child and she realizes that she’s more powerful then Reginald can handle, what does she do? She explodes the glasses and hurts him with her powers. When she is fed a type of food that she doesn’t like and knows she can use her powers to get whatever she wants, what does she do? She murders her nannies for the sole purpose of getting her way. When she is an adult and realizes that she doesn’t have to listen to Allison, what does she do? Slits her throat and attempts to literally murder her, then runs away. When she doesn’t want to be held captive she destroys their house. When her siblings try to stop her from hurting people she burns the world to the ground. Do you see the pattern?

Furthermore, let us discuss The Umbrella Academy. Also known as Vanya once again showing her true colors as a spoiled brat. We see in both her autobiography and in the flashback scene where she destroyed the house that she felt excluded. Listen, I am a sibling, I have felt excluded before and I’m sure that my sisters have as well. But somehow none of us have burned our house to the ground. I know, you’re probably sitting at your keyboard shaking your head in awe at out restraint. I get that people sympathize with her loneliness throughout childhood, and I can see why. But honestly, I didn’t see anything too terrible in the flashback scene. What? Diego was pissed at her for barging into his room and Allison didn’t want Vanya to see her macking on Luther? Call me crazy but that just seems like siblings being siblings (aside from the making out with your other siblings part, that’s weird). Yes, the one about her being left out from the family portrait was kind of rough, but no reason to attempt to murder your whole family, kill your mom and father figure, and destroy your house. 

She clearly has a being left out complex that began in adolescence and carried through adulthood. It’s okay when you’re a kid and you’re whining that Jimmy and Tommy won’t let you play tag with them, but it crosses a line when you act that way as a grown ass woman. Her book was also crossing a gigantic, fat red line that says in all caps YOU’RE TAKING THIS TOO FAR. What, Ben didn’t want to share his toys so in return you write a passive-aggressive novel about how much your siblings suck and left you out of their super secret club? Let’s say that Klaus also published a book talking about all of his traumatic experiences, and at the center of it was perfect Vanya who was normal and never experienced a single hardship. Different story, right? We don’t seem to talk about the fact that being in the Umbrella Academy seemed to suck. Klaus was forced into a mausoleum and made to live his worst nightmare, Ben was made to kill people using his powers, Luther was transformed into an ape-man without his consent and exiled to the moon, Five ended up stranded in the apocalypse for 45 years, and that's just when was shown on the screen. I’m positive that there were tons of other horrible things that the academy experienced, so where does Vanya get off pretending that she invented tragedy all because her precious feewings were hurt? 

Locking Vanya Up 

Listen. Listen. I said that I wasn’t going to invalidate Vanya’s trauma, and I plan to stick to that. Luther locking Vanya in that cage was fucked up. He shouldn’t have done that. However, in order to properly make my case we need to analyze everything, so allow me to play devil’s advocate for a moment. Vanya slit Allison’s throat. In what universe is that even a little bit acceptable? Not only was Allison her sister, but she was just trying to help. She says repeatedly that she loves Vanya, that she wants to help her, that she’s trying to rescue her from her abusive boyfriend, and once again we see Vanya turn to violence when she doesn’t get her way. I see tons of people saying that Allison had it coming because she rumored Vanya into thinking she was ordinary, but consider this: you’re an asshole. Allison was a child, she didn’t realize that what she was doing was wrong. She even admitted it to Vanya and said that she was confused/just remembered it. Guilty people don't admit their sins. Allison was confused and hurt, and Vanya tried to kill her. 

Additionally, let’s refer to Leonard. Vanya killed him. Now, I’m not particularly broken up over his death, the bastard sort of had it coming.  However, this is yet another example of Vanya overreacting with violence when she’s upset. Her murdering Leonard wasn’t self-defense, as he wasn’t attacking her, nor had he ever physically hurt her. While I’m aware that emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse, and that Vanya was definitely in an emotionally abusive relationship with Leonard, it was still murder. There is no way that it would have held up in court, and I get that people can get trapped in abusive relationships, but if you want to leave a toxic relationship, the answer is not murder. It is never okay to kill someone unless it is in direct defense of your life. or someone else’s. Vanya killed Leonard and showed absolutely no remorse. In fact, the only time she ever showed any sort of guilt over what she did was to Allison, and she got over that in about 30 minutes.

I have gotten a bit off track, so going back to Luther locking Vanya up, he shouldn’t have done it. That much is clear, you should never subject someone to their worst fear. I could go on about Luther and his motivations, but I’ll save that for another rant. All I’m trying to say is that he had a good motive, it's still not okay but I feel that the entire fandom already holds Luther accountable for that, whereas no one holds Vanya accountable for her actions. Additionally, consider the other timeline. In the time where Five came from, Luther didn’t lock Vanya up. Why would he? We can see from Five’s flashback to finding his family dead that Allison’s throat wasn’t slit, therefore because Five was the one who pointed them in the direction of Harold Jenkins, and he wasn’t in the original timeline, there is only one conclusion to draw based on the evidence. In the original timeline, no one went after Vanya. Therefore, Leonard was able to convince her to go destroy Hargreeves mansion, and sometime in the process, Luther ripped his eye out. This is supported by Five saying that while he has assumed that the mansion fell with the apocalypse, it has actually happened before that. Vanya then, after murdering all of her siblings, went on to destroy the world, Leonard, and herself in the process. This shows that Luther was actually somewhat justified in his actions, Vanya has already proven that she is capable of killing and has no qualms about doing so. She has killed billions of people in multiple timelines, and Vanya stans still want to act like none of it was her fault? Okay.

The Guy In The Car

This is a pretty specific sub-category, but I felt like I had to bring it up because it is so fucking incredible the things that Vanya stans are willing to look past. Vanya literally murdered someone because he honked at her. Even if you can justify everything else she did, how can you justify that? Is road rage seriously worth killing over? People are so quick to say “YAS badass Vanya! A QWEEN!” but was Luther a badass when he grabbed Klaus by his fucking neck? No, so why is Vanya a badass when she nearly kills her sister and actually murders innocent people?  The fact of the matter is, Vanya shows a continuous pattern of killing without remorse. She has not only killed many nannies, Leonard, her siblings (in the alternate timeline) and the whole fucking world (twice), but she murdered the man in the car for absolutely nothing. He could have had a family, he could have had children, but did Vanya think of that? Probably not, because she’s a psychopath.

Stop and take a good long look at any of these gifs and try to tell me she wasn’t in control. Try and tell me she isn’t a murderer.

The Apocalypse

Finally. The part of this rant that I’ve been the most excited to get to. This is where I get the most idiotic comments about Vanya. I may have to write a whole other section addressing the most stupid comments I have gotten. But nonetheless, everyone seems to be unanimously in agreement that it wasn’t Vanya’s fault, and this is where I run into some issues. Vanya isn’t a child, she’s a grown ass woman. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when you’re almost 30 years old, its time to take responsibility for your actions. Some of y’all’s mamas didn’t raise you right and it shows. When I was a kid, it didn’t matter if my little sister told me to steal the candy bar, I still stole the candy bar. It was my fault, I got punished. No one held a gun to Vanya’s head and forced her to burn the world to the ground. If you rewatch the final scene, it’s pretty clear that she’s in control of her actions. The only times I saw her lose control was when she was defending Leonard from the muggers and when she was ranting about her siblings. During the apocalypse? All I saw was pure vindictive pleasure. She was pissed off, so she would have everyone die. 

I would like to point out, because I haven't seen anyone else talking about this, that Vanya was straight up ready to kill Luther, Klaus, Five, and Diego. At the end, when they all were trying to stop her (from destroying the world) she had them suspended in air and was clearly hurting them. You could see them in pain, their lives were literally draining away. It was pretty clear that they would have died if Allison hadn’t stopped her. And through it all, she didn’t care. She didn’t care that they would die, she didn’t care that the world would burn. The bottom line is that Vanya Hargreeves is a psychotic murderer, and the fandom needs to stop treating her like a goddess.

In conclusion

To summarize, Vanya displays the characteristics of a spoiled toddler. All she does is lash out when she doesn’t get her way and destroy the world and other people. She has killed countless people, and the fact that people keep saying it wasn’t her fault is such a classic example of the world’s stupidity. If you say that she wasn’t responsible, or that Luther made her do it, then congratulations, you are just as mature as Vanya is and that is not a compliment. No one can make you do anything. You always have choices, Vanya chose to destroy the world and that is something that she needs to be held accountable for. 

I can kind of understand the appeal to Vanya, I suppose. She could come across relatable because of her lonely childhood. Or maybe shes just amassed such a large following because people love Ellen Page (which I get). But the fact remains that I have heard so many idiotic Vanya supporters preaching her psycho gospel and completely ignoring every shitty thing she’s done. So next time I reply to someone’s moronic, unintelligent, not thought through comment, and they try and start beef with me, I’ll just link this rant. I’ve gotten tired of repeating myself. So hey, if you said something to me on twitter about how Vanya isn’t responsible for all the people she killed in cold blood, and I commented with this link, then congrats! You are such a moronic mouthpiece that I felt the need to spend hours writing this essay detailing every single reason as to why your opinion is invalid. Save us both some time here and just stop talking. Either that or turn on your notifications and fight me irl, I won’t hesitate to cleanse the bloodline of your stupidity. Sucks to suck man, don’t let the door hit you on the way to hell. 

If you finished this, congratulations. Grammarly tells me that this takes an average of 12 minutes to read so thank you for sticking with me throughout this 2,500-word monster of a rant. You’re a real one. And if you still stan Vanya, then no worries. Believe it or not, I’m not against stanning Vanya. The problem is that most Vanya stans love her on the grounds of believing that she’s innocent, and the fact of the matter is that she’s not. It’s okay to like whoever you want to like, but acknowledge that your fave is problematic instead of being an idiot and naively trying to convince me of her innocence. The facts are on my side here, people. You’re not going to win this argument. 

[13tth]

write some back seat car making out hanzier. ya know when you get a chance

of course. anything for you syd

y’all know the drill. They’re 18. don’t yell at me. 

1.3k words of strangers —> hook-upees.

“You don’t look like a smoker, Mike Hanlon.”

Neon lights are deceiving and sticky summer air is hazy, but the voice that cuts through it all belongs to a body named Richie Tozier. Mike thinks— no, he knows.

“You know me,” Mike breathes, 70 percent of his bodyweight now rests against a purple brick wall. The other 30 percent remains spry and ready to jump at a moment’s notice (Beverly throwing up again. Eddie, all 120 pounds of fury in him, getting him into another fight). The wall turns green, then melts to blue in succession, along with the reflection in Richie’s glasses. The air turns orange soon after with a flick of a lighter. “I’ll try anything once.”

Without a word from the boy, Richie’s eyes glow blue again. It’s the light, Mike thinks. Not the mischief…Atë, goddess of—

“Of course I don’t,” Richie replies, his voice finally emulating the cigarette between his lips. Almost grey. Full of leaves. Full of chemicals. Nicotine..

“Oh, ye—“

“Sure I know you’re popular,” Richie starts.

The guy’s infamous for long-winded speeches. Ironic and dry compared to anything anyone else within 20 miles of Derry could whip up.

Except for Stan, Mike thinks. Stan could take on this cryptid.

“I know all the girls absolutely fahwn over Michael Hanlon,” Richie continues, hand gestures all but deterring him from taking a long drag from his cigarette before finishing. Dumb faked accent transforming his voice into anything but quiet. “Along with a few boys, of course.”

Mike notices the hint of tongue that leaves Richie’s lips and he’s stuck on it. He’s stuck for no reason at all.

Before he can focus too hard the color changes again, red now, and smoke leaves Richie’s lips in swirling tendrils of, of,

Lust?

“And you’re incredibly smart for a jock, huh.” Richie adjusts his glasses, their color back to blue. “I mean what’s not to like?” Richie smiles, and Mike’s hooked.

Because Richie Tozier is a mess.

His hair is wild, wild like he’s lived in a public park all his life. His clothes are torn at the knees and frayed at the elbows and his glasses are broken. They’re taped at the edge of the frames on Mike’s left side and he thinks he could definitely memorize everything about this boy right now.

“I kind of like boys too, you know,” Mike admits, feeling the immediate need to clap both of his (and Richie’s and Bev’s and the random kid next to him’s) hands over his mouth. He doesn’t know why he let his secret slip. One that wasn’t entirely a secret, because most of his friends knew, but not many strangers. He’s afraid he wouldn’t be as popular as people (Richie) say he is if they did. “I mean, I’m sorry I—“

“I knew it,” Richie states with a terrible wink like it’s something he’d been waiting to spring. He stubs the remnants of his cigarette against the green brick. “Everyone’s a little gay behind all the lights Mike Ha—“

“Do you get a kick out of pretending to know me, Tozier?” Mike’s fists clench at the mention of the ‘G’ word. His nostrils flare just the slightest bit and he stands from where they’d moved to seated positions on the blue brick stoop. He doesn’t mean to get angry. Richie has good intentions, although the boy’s never really been able to show them. His bare knee bounces nervously from where he still sits and Mike immediately feels like an asshole, so he sits back down, resting his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. Or blow up? Or whatever that was.”

The strangers are silent. For a second.

“I do if you were wondering. Get a kick out of it.” Richie dares, swaying to the side, knocking a shoulder into Mike’s, getting the boy to lift his head and smile, throwing back a warm chuckle. Richie sees this as the moment.

The small space between the boys is red again when Richie asks.

“How drunk do I have to get you to prove it?”

“Prove what?” Mike pretends to wonder. He knows, but the gap is closing and he wants to hear it.

Mike wins.

“Prove you kind of like boys too.”

-

The first time Mike Hanlon sees Richie Tozier, they’re sweaty, their limbs are indistinguishable, and the only light that bathes them comes from the buzzing street lamps and the moon.

“Take your fucking. Shirt off, Hanlon,” Richie groans through tongues and teeth and biting pressing of lips. His eyes are screwed as tight as they’ll go and his glasses are discarded somewhere far away and uncared for (they’re in the front seat. He’d discarded them as soon as Mike had grabbed his hips with burning hands and pressed them against the hot metal of his car).

Mike does what he’s told and he’s glad because it’s hot and Richie’s hands are cold and roaming. They spread across Mike’s shoulders, over broad plains of muscle. Richie loses whatever mind he had left.

“You’re. Jesus,” Richie mumbles behind lips that really never seem to quit moving.

Mike prides himself on hushing the one kid who can’t be silenced. As his reputation portrays.

For the first time in the hour or two Mike has actually spoken to Richie in close proximity Mike notices something incredible. He’s..really pretty.

Even without the colors, the boy paints pictures of his own. Everything about him contrasts the next, pale smatterings of brown freckles, dark hair and darker eyes, skin not as pale but still bright in the summertime.

The sprouting of purple bruises along Richie’s newly exposed collarbone should arouse Mike. It should make him feel like devouring this stranger whole, and it does, but it also warms his heart a little bit. A little bit more.

“Mike,” Something, someone, mumbles. Moans, maybe.

Mike tries to compose a grumble of Richie, but he can’t because the voice is getting louder and a hand appears against the window and two boys are ripping apart.

“Mike!” The voice yells this time and Mike’s face whips around to the window, hands multitasking underneath seats and fumbling with cotton.

“Eddie?” Mike questions, voice raspier than normal but still good. The boy leans down slightly and Mike notices blood dripping from his nose and into his mouth. He’s crying.

The boy’s voice is still muffled through the thick glass of the car window but it grows loud and Eddie grows hysterical. “Please take me home I don’t have anything to clean up with and the bathrooms just have puke everywhere and—“

Mike jumps into action like he’d been ready to do all night. Because he cares, and it’s easy to console a worried Eddie over an angry one.

“I’ll see you around, Mike.” Richie smiles, shirt suddenly straight, long legs exiting the car one at a time. “Take care of your friend.”

Mike only nods with his mouth dropped open.

“Hey, Eddie, digging the new look.” Richie fires, starting the jog back up to the house with the flashing porch.

Eddie spares no time rounding the tail end of the car, head tilted up to the sky. “Hey fuck you, Richie.”

Once both friends are in the car, Mike in the driver’s seat and Eddie in the passenger, head still tilted dramatically, fingers squeezing delicately at the broken bridge of his nose, Mike speaks.

“Hey, um—“

“I don’t care if you’re gay Mike,” Eddie sighs, eyes rolling behind closed lids. “Just. Next time, hook up with a boy you didn’t fish out of the trash.”

With a twist of keys and a rev of an engine, they pull away from the curb.

“No promises.”

[juniperhillpatient]

Summary: Modern AU in which everyone is happy and no one dies. It’s Halloween and the losers decide to indulge in a little more than candy. Stike/Stanlon, Benverly, Reddie & Bill/Audra. Rate PG for swearing, underage drinking and making out which are also the only trigger warnings I can think of. Enjoy! xoxox

******

A skeleton popped out from behind a plastic grave, and a group of kids screamed, running away. A moment later, the skeleton, who was actually Went Tozier in a costume from Halloween City, was taking off his mask and trying not to laugh too hard while beckoning the kids back towards the yard where his only slightly irritated wife was sitting on a chair with a bucket of candy.

"Boys and girls of every age, wouldn't you like to see something strange?"

Mike clicked out of the Halloween Pandora station and turned off the car after he parked in front of the house.

"Hello," he said to the Toziers, waving as he made his way towards the house.

"Hi, Mike," Mrs. Tozier gave him a warm smile. She liked Mike, probably because he always said please and thank you and often brought fresh eggs and produce from his parents' farm. "The kids are upstairs," she told him.

"Thanks!" Mike said and made his way past the clumsy jack-o-lanterns which Georgie Denbrough had helped Richie carve one night when the Denbroughs were having a date night and needed a babysitter because Bill was at Audra's.

Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Denbrough didn't need to know that Bill and Audra had been having their own date night. According to them, Bill and Audra were just friends, who happened to do homework together six nights a week. At seventeen, they considered Bill old enough for a date night maybe, but probably not when Audra's parents were out of town. Mike smirked, wondering how that night had gone for Bill. He was sure Bill wouldn't tell much. Stuttering Bill was the definition of a gentleman.

He headed up the stairs, and down the hall towards Richie's room. When he got to the door, it was closed and he gave a small knock. Mrs. Tozier hadn't clarified which kids were upstairs and he was a little early so if she just meant Richie and Eddie, he wasn't in a hurry to rush in unannounced, as most of the losers had managed to do a few times by now.

"Come in," came Richie's voice. Sure enough, when he opened the door, Eddie was sitting unrealistically far from Richie on the bed and desperately using his inhaler, his face bright red.

"Nice costume," Richie said, unphased. Mike grinned. His mom had helped him sew the Deadpool outfit and he was pretty proud of how well the black and red outfit had turned out.

"Thanks! You guys too!" Mike said. Richie and Eddie were dressed as Mike and Eleven, inspired by the losers club binge re-watching Stranger Things over the course of the month in preparation for season two. The blonde wig didn't exactly suit Eddie, but it was crooked now anyway and, as Eddie had pointed out, it gave him an excuse to carry around a box of Eggos. "What's the plan for tonight?"

"I'll t-tell you," came Stuttering Bill Denbrough's voice. He and Audra came in, holding hands. Audra's deep red hair was decorated with a sea-shell beret, and she wore a purple bralette and a green skirt, like Ariel. Bill was wearing a white button up and loose pants, as Prince Eric.

"We brought something special," Audra opened her purse and the boys crowded around to peek inside.

"Ooh!" A clown and a machete-wielding girl with blood on her crop-top and torn jeans were suddenly peering into the purse as well.

"Nice Baby Firefly and Captain Spaulding," Richie said, high fiving Bev.

"Thanks!" Ben said. "Nice vodka!" Everyone shushed him.

"Jeez haystack," Richie complained, "Why don't you say it a little louder? There might be people a few blocks away who didn't hear you!"

"Come on in," Eddie agreed, looking nervously around. Mike glanced down the hall.

He was with Eddie - getting out of the Toziers good book wasn't at the top of his priority list. He certainly didn't want a call home. They all crowded into Richie's bedroom.

"Hey guys," they all jumped, and then relaxed as Stan came in, closing the door behind him.

To no one's surprise, Stan had opted out of wearing a costume. He wasn't big on Halloween, Mike knew. He hoped the vodka would help his friend relax and enjoy the night a little. Instead of a spooky Halloween costume, Stan wore his usual button up shirt and nice jeans. Ironed. God, who ironed their jeans? What junior in high school ironed their jeans? Mike tried to hide the small smile he felt creeping onto his face. There was something so endearing about everything Stan did. The little habit he had of picking at his nails, the way he always smelled like fresh laundry and shampoo, rare for a teenage boy. The rarity of smelling like actual soap was especially true when most of the boys in their grade believed axe body spray could cover up any scent - a fact Mike had discovered not to be true when he came home after skipping class and smoking a joint with Beverly and his parents immediately smelled more than cologne on him.

"Check this out," Bev said, pulling out her phone. "I tagged Sheri Moon Zombie in Ben and I's pictures of our costumes on Instagram and she commented!" they all crowded around her phone to see that Sheri had not only commented, she had commented using a generous number of heart eyes emojis.

"Bev, you look so beautiful in those pictures," Audra said. "Of course Sheri would like them."

"Thank you!" Bev said. "She's like, my idol!"

"I know right?" Audra gushed. Bev moved over to sit beside Audra, and the girls fell into a side conversation about their favorite Sheri Moon Zombie roles.

"So are you just going to keep that bottle hidden away in your purse, or are going to do some shots?" Richie asked.

"Not here," Eddie said, looking nervous. "Your parents are right downstairs."

"I heard there's going to be a great view of the stars tonight," Stan offered. "We could go down to the barrens and sit."

"Yeah!" Mike said. "We haven't been down there in forever."

"N-not since the s-summer," Bill agreed. "I'm in."

They all nodded and made their way out to Richie's van, which was a rusty piece of junk which Richie took extreme pride in, parked in the driveway.

"Where are you kids off to?" Mr. Tozier asked.

"J-just the b-barrens," Bill offered. "W-we figure we can watch the s-stars there."

"Alright," Mr. Tozier said, a hesitant look in his eyes. "Don't get into any trouble."

"We won't dad," Richie said, holding up his hands as if to show he didn't have a weapon.

Richie peeled out of the driveway before they could all buckle in and Mike could hear Eddie snapping something at Richie about being more careful that he couldn't hear over his own heart pounding.

Richie's terrible driving was one reason for Mike's accelerated heart rate, but mostly he was aware of being thrown to the side and pressed against Stan so that their bodies were incredibly close for just a moment. He felt Stan stiffen up, and Mike hurried to move away from him a little, feeling extremely awkward, which was ridiculous to feel just because you bumped into one of your very close and totally platonic friends.

"You okay?" Stan asked him. Mike felt the heat rushing to his face, and he was pretty sure if he spoke he'd be the one stuttering, so instead, he just nodded without meeting Stan's eyes.

When they parked near the barrens, everyone got out and began making their way into the familiar forest. Ben and Beverly stayed behind a little, holding hands and speaking in soft voices. Richie and Eddie were running ahead, laughing and yelling jabs at each other excitedly. Bill and Audra were walking arm and arm as Audra talked about how excited she was to have gotten a role in the school play and Bill nodded, listening with adoration in his eyes.

Mike and Stan ended up falling into step beside one another, walking in silence. It was not uncomfortable. The two of them had spent many afternoons together in comfortable silence, Stan studying his bird book and watching for new and valuable specimens to record, and Mike riding his bike, or more often sitting near Stan, drawing, reading, or watching Stan.

What he liked best, was to watch Stan, especially when Stan didn't know he was being watched. He would study the serious expression on Stan's face, the way the light touched his eyes and made them shine, the excited gleam on his face when he saw an especially rare bird.

"What?" Stan asked. Mike felt heat rush through his body, as he realized he had been blatantly staring as they walked.

The moon shone down them through the trees. Mike could hear the Kenduskeag rushing away nearby, and the voices of the others ahead of them, but the crunching of their feet seemed so loud, so immediate.

Everything felt immediate and fast, and real. He had a funny feeling about tonight. How many Halloweens had he spent with the losers club? Audra hadn't been there for most of them, so that was different, but that didn't feel like the reason behind the funny feeling he had about this Halloween.

How many Halloweens had he spent thinking about how beautiful his best friend's face looked under the glow of the moon with the stars sparkling behind him?

Not many.

Or hell, maybe he had always felt this way it was just now he was starting to realize it.

"You sure you're alright?" Stan asked.

"Yeah," Mike said.

"You didn't already do a shot?" Stan asked.

"No, I-" Mike stopped, realizing Stan was grinning. For a moment, Mike had thought it was a real accusation but no, Stan was speaking with that dry sense of humor he had which was so often difficult to differentiate from seriousness.

They made their way down to the river where everyone else had already started to drink. Ben had brought a twelve pack of sprites, which they were mixing the vodka with. Mike dumped out part of two of the cans and splashed vodka into both, handing the one with a good amount less alcohol to Stan, who gave him a grateful look. Mike smiled in return. He knew Stan didn't like to completely lose his senses. He wasn't opposed to drinking and in fact, he had confided to Mike one rainy afternoon as they sat in Mike's room sipping beers, it was kind of nice to feel a brief escape from all his anxieties. Still, he didn't like to get wasted, and hard liquor could be a dangerous game, so the more sprite and less vodka the happier Mike figured Stan would be. He was right.

After a few hours, Richie began using his voices, which were becoming steadily more slurred, and Mike noticed Eddie handing him sprite after sprite with no vodka mixed in and insisting Richie drink them. That was smart. The way Richie was sounding, staying hydrated was probably the best option for his health.

Richie started telling one of his favorite ghost stories, which everyone except Audra groaned at, having heard it a million times by now. It was the story of the kids who had decided to explore the sewers beneath Derry and discovered an evil clown who ate souls below. Richie, of course, had a voice for the clown which Mike always teased him for, but deep down, something about that voice unsettled him.

"Hey," he whispered to Stan, who was sitting on a rock nearby. "Let's go to the lookout."

There was a huge rock overlooking the water a few hundred feet away. They had been there many times and jumped down into the water from there during the summer. From the lookout, they would be looking down at the group from above, and they would have the perfect view of the stars.

Stan nodded in agreement and, quietly, the two stood and walked away from the group and began climbing the small embankment leading to the lookout. Mike realized as he tried to climb that his head was spinning a little and his thoughts were coming in waves, seeming to bob in and out of clarity.

"Hey now," Stan said, grabbing Mike's hand. "You alright?"

"How many times are you gonna ask me that tonight?" Mike asked. He realized as he spoke that his words were at least as slurred as Richie's.

They made their way to the top and sat down. Mike looked back and forth from the stars to Stan. He laughed a little, thinking how corny it would be to tell Stan that he was more beautiful than all the stars in the sky. That was a real dick pickup line to use, especially on your best friend, but my God, it was true.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Stan asked, but he was laughing a little too, though it sounded like a confused laugh. "Do I have something on my face?"

Maybe it was the vodka, or the night air, or the craziness of Halloween, or years of hidden feelings, but Mike just leaned in and kissed Stan, wrapping his arms around him and leaning into the kiss with a kind of intense desperation.

For a moment, Stan leaned in as well, kissing Mike back. In that moment, and later when he was sober thinking back Mike would believe that he had been right, he felt a kind of happiness that usually only happens in goofy romantic novels.

"Hey," Stan said, pulling away. "What was that?" He was looking at Mike with wide, hopeful eyes.

"A long time coming," Mike said.

"Yeah, it was," Stan breathed. He leaned in and kissed Mike again, before pulling himself back. "But let's remember that when we're sober, huh?"

Mike nodded in agreement, understanding.

They ended up sleeping in the barrens when they realized no one was exactly okay to drive back to Richie's place.

Mike and Stan slept beside each other on a blanket someone, Mike would later not remember who, had been kind enough to throw out for them. They held hands as they fell asleep, and when he woke up, Mike found Stan's head resting on his chest.

The birds were chirping and the river was flowing, and Mike thought this was the best feeling in the world even if it was a little cold and the rocks below his back ached. None of that mattered. What mattered was Stan's steady, relaxed breathing, and his warm body pressed against Mike's.

When Stan finally woke up, Mike grinned at him, and Stan leaned in and kissed him again. It wasn't the passionate kiss from the night before, but it was somehow even better. It was soft and hesitant, and very, very real.

"Now that," Mike said. "That was a long time coming too."

"Agreed," Stan said and leaned his head against Mike again.

"Oh I knew it, you owe me twenty bucks Eddie Spaghetti!" came Richie's voice.

Mike and Stan both groaned, looking up to see Eddie and Richie sitting on the rocks nearby and grinning at them. The others were stirring nearby, starting to wake up, but it didn't seem to matter. Stan just lay back down and Mike wrapped an arm around him. He wasn't ready to stand up yet.

He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to let go of Stan.

******

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed please feel free to leave feedback - also I’m tagging a few people but don’t feel any pressure to read! Just let me know if you want me to stop tagging you or if you’d like me to start tagging you: @hair-fiber @skeletontozier  @evalocity @punkpisces00 @0firebrand0

[just-shaladin-things]

(1/4) confession: i hate l@nce. hate him. so much. he's such an asshole! like i get the writers are going for 'wannabe casanova' but what they've got is a boy that only is insta 'nice' to hot women (in the mermaid episode he was like :/ to the squid head girl until she took it off and was totes hot at which point he immediately did a 180 to ;D), hits on literally everything resembling female, and doesn't take no for an answer. like, a//ura made it pretty clear she's not interested in L@nce.

(2/4) But he keeps flirting with her at very bad moments, despite her being annoyed with it, and tries to police her actions at one point??? (when her at Ke!th run off together he flips shit on her and tries to do an interrogation if anything happened like thats any of his fucking business). Literally the only girls he’s not weird about is P1dge and his mother. It’s fucked him over so many times! N!ma and the mermaids both should have been massive red flags, but he never changes!(¾) Not once does he connect the dots and think hmm maybe there’s a connection -NEVERMIND HOT GIRL. He’s completely oblivious from moral and logical standpoints. I hate it and I hate him. No amount of homesickness and insecurity is gonna make him likeable until he pulls his head out of his ass. Or at least gets called out by someone instead of being told ‘not now’ mid emergency. He doesn’t give a shit about them! That one mermaid girl he was hitting on, she died! Mid episode!(4/4) And L@nce didn’t even ask hey, where did she vanish too is she okay? He didn’t give a single fuck about the missing girl he’d been hitting on literally a day ago, he was too busy with the NEW pretty mermaid girl and the hot mermaid queen! I hate him, I hate how the writers handle him, and he needs to get called the fuck out by someone soon. Preferably A//ura. Or P!dge. Or Sh!ro. Thank you for hearing of my rage.

ok i was about to go to sleep but since its the l@nce ask i decided to wait a bit, because uhhh, welp he’s important to me and he’s probably the only reason why i still watch this show lfdkjgkf im going to try and be as, well, as objective and logical as i can so please bear with me also im sorry i cant really salt with you here. like, i partially salt with you but not entirely since, you know, l@nce stan thing and all that. okay anyway, here we go and it probs gonna be long so im really, really sorry or something. also also before i Really start i want to thank hd, jo and ciel bcos brainstorming with them was a top notch way to figure out what i want to say fldkgj

im gonna start with the flirting thing first in general, then move to @llura, then to other instances you brought up then to lance himself, just so we have some outline here okay? okay. so here i go:

the flirting thingy - i get why it bugs you and it bugs me too, especially with @llura. writers definitely overuse it and use it as a comedic device (not working but shhh). on the other side, aside from @llura (which im going to talk about more in a sec, pls be patient with me, pls) girls usually don’t react negatively to it? pl@xum literally kissed him on the cheek, aliens at the mall and on that first planet in s3 laughed and generally it seemed to be rather innocent if annoying because of how often it was portrayed. the flirting alone isn’t really bad, considering his insecurities and strive for attention its not surprising that he does it and its never a serious thing. and most of the team reacts with just groaning and rolling their eyes, no one ever told him, 100% seriously and definitely, to stop. the thing is, writers portray his flirting in a really shitty way (like most things, jesus christ) 90% of the time??? which brings us to the next point here:

@llura or rather how her and l@nces relationship was portrayed so far. now theres no denying it that the part where he keeps on flirting with her and she keeps turning him down and so on is, well, pure shit and we all want (or rather wanted it considering how he dropped the act in s3) it to stop. while it doesnt make it okay, its still important to note that he never really seems to be 100% serious with his pick up lines and it looks like he uses it as a way to lighten up the mood (cue him using them in, well, not really appropriate moments). and while we’re at it, lance hardly ever opposed to any of her orders (aside from the time when he and hunk argued with the rest of the team about coming back home but, like, can you really blame them for that?). also the thing that you brought up, him flipping his shit out when she left with keith was completely justified??? she and k/eith literally left without any notice??? when they were constantly followed by galra and there was a war going on???? of course he was worried out of his mind, who wouldnt! and when she was captured by the gala he was one of the people who wanted to go and save her. like, you cant really say he doesnt give a shit about her. its further proved by how he acted in s3? he completely dropped his flirting with her, never acted angry when she was chosen to be the blue paladin, he even said he was happy that it was her specifically! when sh!ro came back he never asked @llura to step down either, he thought she was better suited to do it than him he constantly checked if she was feeling alright in blue and we could see how much their relationship improved in this season. i would go as far as to say that they actually became a p good friends.

now, onto the other instances you mentioned:

pl@xum - here its kinda tricky tbh, on one side, yeah, its not really okay that he started to be all over the moon for her after she took of the squid, on the other hand he knew her for, like, a day at best?? its not really enough time to fall in love with personality itself (especially considering how much happened during that time?) and you cant really tell that being attracted by someones good looks is something bad? it was portrayed in shitty way but then again, its more of writers fault. and while we’re at it, even if he wasnt interested in her romantically, he never disrespected her??? he took her seriously after she and her group explained what they did and why they did it and helped her free her planet.

fl/rona - okay i seriously dont know why you brought up this? he had maybe one convo with her and during it or right after he was literally drugged with poisoned alien food, then he got kidnapped, stung by a squid and had to fight and save the entire kingdom. he probably thought she was in the palace or somewhere in their village? with so much happening of course it could slip his mind. 

ny/a - well, im not really sure how to approach this one but im gonna try. yes, l/nce going after her was reckless and not his best moment but also?? literally everyone on the team except for h/nk seemed to trust them? and n/ma not only reciprocated/pretended to reciprocate but also played at his insecurities (aka pulling the “if you wont then im sure k/th aka the boy that you consider ur rival aka the boy that is one of the sources of ur insecurities will take me to his lion). and lance maybe has a strategical mind and works good on missions and in the heat of a moment but? he’s also an insecure teenager and teens tend to do reckless things when they want to impress someone. plus, lance generally seems to be rather trusting? hes not as guarded as, lets say, k/eith, hes thrives on social interaction and likes meeting new people. you can see it in the way he wanted to hang out with p/idge in the garrison even though she probs always turned him and h/nk down or how he was able to confide in coran despite knowing him for week at best or in how quick he was to play around and take selfies with complete strangers from the planet he just helped save in s3 and how well he worked with blade of m/rmora in same ep. hes quick to trust and become friends, which makes him an easy target for people like n/ma but overall isnt really a bad trait. 

all in all, lance is a very, very complex character and cant really be judged only basing on his flirting. hes much more than that. and while i understand where you’re coming from i cant really agree with you fully. the way his flirting is portrayed is shitty but hes not a bad person at all. 

sorry its so long btw, im just,,, kinda passionate dl

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol. 1 #99

Sun March 18 2018 [22:47:17] <Wackd> I want to appreciate three things about this. One: Ben is practicing skiing by standing stationary in skis in front of a mirror. Two: Ben intends to go skiing without even the pretense of winter wear. Three: Reed is surprised by this display, which means we have no idea where the massive Kirby skis came from.

[22:48:53] <Wackd> Unfortunately, it looks like it'll be a while before we see Ben ski for real, because he needs to cancel on Alicia. [22:49:20] <Wackd> Johnny, who I a few issues back was praising for being somehow the most emotionally mature member of the team, is now going to attack the Inhumans by himself to get Crystal back. [22:50:13] <Wackd> I will remind you that, uh, Crystal was not actually abducted by the Inhumans. (I mean, I suspect Kirby's art meant to communicate she was--Medusa hair-grabs her--but her dialogue suggests otherwise.) [22:50:33] <Duraz> at first I was going to suggest that Reed made the skis, but he seems as confused as everyone else [22:50:39] <maxwellelvis> Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? [22:50:57] <Wackd> Anyway, Reed and Sue have to cancel their quiet day in with the baby, and now the three of them are going to go save Johnny from himself. [22:52:19] <Wackd> Johnny, meanwhile, is exhausted from flying all the way to the Inhumans' hideout, and decides to take refuge in...a cave in the Himalayas. [22:52:46] <Duraz> uh [22:52:49] <Wackd> We saw him fly over plenty of places where he coulda just, y'know, booked a hotel room, but okay Johnny. You do you. [22:52:58] <Duraz> WHERE are the Inhumans? [22:53:20] <Wackd> Johnny identifies the Eiffel Tower as the halfway mark between NYC and the Inhumans. [22:54:22] <Duraz> good heavens [22:54:28] <Duraz> I always thought that they were just below NY [22:54:40] <maxwellelvis> That's the Morlocks [22:55:01] <Wackd> Okay, so the Inhumans are 3.6k miles to the East of the Eiffel Tower. [22:55:28] <maxwellelvis> Normally the Inhumans live on the Moon, unless that's not been established yet. [22:58:50] <Wackd> This is me very roughly ballparking it, but it looks like the Inhumans are somewhere around Kazakhstan ? [22:59:24] <Duraz> never would have called that [22:59:39] <Wackd> I mean, it's up for debate if Stan and Jack know that. [22:59:52] <Wackd> It's just me roughing out what's 3.6k miles to the east of France. [23:00:27] <maxwellelvis> Johnny, if you see a man with a mustache and a bad suit giving you a thumbs up, you're going in the right direction [23:00:39] <Duraz> sounds pretty remote in any case [23:00:48] <Duraz> like from anywhere in whatever country it is [23:04:21] <Wackd> So, if we take Johnny at his word that France is halfway between NYC and Inhuman territory for a one-way trip of 7,200 miles, Johnny has now overshot by 2,500 miles.

[23:04:58] <maxwellelvis> Oh yeah, I forgot he was in the Himalayas [23:05:05] <Duraz> he must be bad at math [23:05:21] <Duraz> he could probably have taken a plane? [23:05:59] <Wackd> Yeah, he's probably bad at math. Or rather the writers are. [23:06:10] <Duraz> good distinction [23:06:11] <Wackd> Because the alternative is that he seriously missed his stop. [23:06:22] <Duraz> or Marvel Earth has wonky geography due to all the fictitious locations [23:07:01] <Wackd> I'm sure some supervillain tried to move the Himalayas at some point and maybe partially succeeded. [23:07:29] <Duraz> we have stuff going down in the Himalayas in our comics universe! [23:07:36] <Wackd> So, as Johnny falls asleep in a cave, which was a totally necessary thing for him to do, he is attacked by a monster who proclaims him an "outsider". [23:08:30] <Wackd> Johnny starts to attack with his flame, which confuses the monster, who then decides that he's NOT an outsider after all. [23:08:46] <Wackd> MONSTER: Are you mad? Why do you so savagely attack your fellow Inhumans? [23:09:02] <Wackd> JOHNNY (thinking): Inhumans?! Then--I've *already* reached my goal! [23:09:38] <Wackd> Okay, okay. Hang the fuck on. [23:09:38] <maxwellelvis> *Always Sunny music* Johnny Finds The Wrong Inhumans [23:09:58] <Wackd> So it's not that Johnny fucking. Is bad at math. Or missed his stop. [23:10:15] <Wackd> It's that his plan, evidently, was to fly around until he stumbled upon them. [23:10:48] <Wackd> He's just an idiot. [23:11:17] <Wackd> JOHNNY: Even though she went of her own free will--we belong to each other--and no one will keep us apart! [23:11:41] <Wackd> Okay, so we ARE remembering that Crystal left of her own volition, and the entire point of this story is that Johnny is a stupid jerk. Got it. [23:13:23] <Wackd> Case in point--he spends two pages wrecking all the Inhumans' shit, and THEN demands that they hold their fire and demands an audience with the royal family, which they have to grant him by law. [23:13:33] <Wackd> Coulda led with that, Johnny. [23:14:01] <Duraz> thanks for reminding us, story [23:14:49] <Wackd> Johnny storms into the Inhuman throne room where he claims the royal family is "waiting to take him on" and that Crystal has been "brainwashed". [23:15:26] <Wackd> Meanwhile none of them actually attack him until he starts shit. [23:16:24] <maxwellelvis> Any time the others want to show up and tackle him would be fine by me. [23:17:06] <Wackd> It goes well for him for a bit, until he threatens to burn the entire palace down, at which point Medusa reveals that they've been going easy on him because he's Crystal's boyfriend and guess what? If he's gonna be THAT big of a jerk then fuck that. [23:18:03] <maxwellelvis> Cut to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvJeATp31dw [23:18:04] <maxwellelvis> Please? [23:19:31] <Wackd> Before they can really give him the business, though, Crystal decides, you know what? Actually, she DOES want to take sides here. [23:19:58] <Wackd> And the side she's choosing is that Johnny is a "poor blind fool" for thinking that she had no hand in this decision. [23:20:40] <Wackd> Johnny, for some reason, thinks this means that Crystal never really cared about him. [23:20:52] <Wackd> So Crystal fucking blasts him. [23:22:10] <Wackd> Actually this whole page is fucking awesome so I'm screencapping it.

[23:24:08] <Wackd> Okay, so, here's where Johnny SERIOUSLY goes overboard and, like, jesus fucking christ. [23:24:19] <Wackd> I think he might have actually ceased to be remotely sympathetic. [23:24:47] <Wackd> Johnny's decided he's gonna burn the entire Inhuman village down. [23:25:09] <Wackd> And we see him ACTUALLY ABOUT TO DO IT before the other three show up to stop him. [23:25:18] <maxwellelvis> I was worried you were going to say he's charging up to do that supernova thing. [23:25:35] <maxwellelvis> REED! Thank you for introducing me to a new experience -- being glad to see you. [23:26:19] <Wackd> Johnny is angered even further and starts trying to set fire to Reed and Ben, only being prevented from doing so by one of Sue's force fields. [23:26:36] <Duraz> jeez [23:26:49] <Duraz> also, good to see her nullifying one teammate to protect two more [23:26:57] <Duraz> better showing than I'd expect them to give her [23:27:04] <maxwellelvis> And her brother no less. [23:27:42] <Wackd> SUE: What's happened to you? How can you love Crystal when you act like a spoiled child, willing to harm anyone who gets in your way? [23:27:57] <maxwellelvis> I can't see what you're seeing so for a moment I was genuinely worried he was about to attack Sue next. [23:28:07] <Wackd> He doesn't, thank god. [23:28:19] <Wackd> Sue manages to talk him down with her little speech. [23:28:26] <maxwellelvis> Good. He's at least THAT in control. [23:29:01] <maxwellelvis> But GEEZE. This little stunt, I wouldn't blame BB and Medusa if they pretty much severed ALL ties with the FF over this. [23:30:01] <Wackd> And with Johnny calm, Crystal can finally explain that Black Bolt had an ailment that basically required her to be on call as a human defibrulator until medicine could be procured. [23:31:32] <Wackd> So this is completely fucking unearned.

[23:32:26] <Wackd> Johnny wasn't just handling a long-distance relationship poorly. He took a perfectly reasonable leave of absence personally, never found out why it happened, accused his girlfriend of being brainwashed, attacked her family, and was about to nuke her home. [23:32:51] <Wackd> But yeah, no, they're cool, I guess. [23:32:51] <maxwellelvis> And then attacked HIS family. [23:33:31] <Wackd> Man actually how many fucking times has Johnny seen his sister, brother-in-law, and best friend almost die? [23:33:55] <Wackd> Add this to what is apparently becoming a LIST of characters reacting with no sympathy to situations they themselves are in all the dang time. [23:35:21] <Wackd> Oh hey, here's a nice touch I noticed, in case a given reader was inclined to take Johnny's side and believe that Crystal never cared about him. Instead of her default outfit, she spends this entire story in her Fantastic Four duds. [23:35:33] <Wackd> That'd be sweet if Johnny deserved such a show of devotion. [23:38:02] <Maxwell_Elvis> Man, if only there was some way to have her return it as a symbol that it's over between her and Johnny that wouldn't be impossible to happen in real time. [23:38:30] <Maxwell_Elvis> Because that's probably one thing that'd happen if this were me writing it. [23:39:26] <Maxwell_Elvis> Then the thing about the Inhumans and Fantastic Four's relationship becoming very strained, and they certainly won't welcome them any time soon, not so long as Johnny Storm is among them [23:39:53] <Duraz> it is revealed that they broke up, and, say, Spider-Man is all, "Aren't you upset?"  "No, I really earned that." [23:40:46] <Wackd> It'd be nice to have at least a moment on-par with the one where Spidey remembers the time he got all Randian. [23:40:52] <Wackd> "God I hate myself." [23:41:34] <Maxwell_Elvis> and either on the flight back to New York or after, Johnny would probably earn an earful from Reed and Sue and maybe Ben for pulling this stupid stunt. [23:41:52] <Maxwell_Elvis> Just make it clear that he's WAY In the dog house for this. [23:42:16] <Wackd> Well, it looks like we won't have time for that, because guess what issue opens with Reed, Sue, Johnny, Ben, and Crystal's ship being shot down as they leave Inhuman territory? [23:42:26] <Wackd> That's right, it's FANTASTIC FOUR VOL 1 NO 100 [23:43:14] <Duraz> no rest for the stupid