#pls help a fellow soldier

[indestinatus]

question: does anyone have requests for tiva fics

[rorichuu]

OMG HELLO!!! i see that u do tf2 and i’d love to request smth hehehehheheALSO ur account is so pretty what ?!?!

but i hope you’re well dude! can i request some relationship headcanons with some (or all!!) of the mercs pls? or any basic headcanons !!

take your time btw:)

the tf2 mercs in a relationship + headcanons

pairing: mercs x reader (gender not specified)

authors note: MY FIRST REQUEST WAAAHH also oml thank you, you’re so sweet :( some headcanons coming your way! ... also i apologize if they're ooc, this is my first time writing for them:'(

disclaimer: minor spoilers for the comic in heavy's!

Scout:

i’ll be honest, when scout found out Miss Pauling was a lesbian he was pretty beat up for a while

that was until he realized other people exist!

he literally follows u around like a puppy dog when he realizes he has a crush on you

ALWAYS TRYNA RIZZ YOU UP LIKE SCOUT PLEASE WE'RE ABOUT TO GET BLOWN UP BY THE ENEMY SOLDIER

his love language is definitely physical touch and words of affirmation

and is ungodly touch starved

i can see him trying to find ways to touch you, and not in a sexual way... just either grazing your arm when he talks to you, or he stays shoulder-to-shoulder with you when you sit next to each other

he finds it very very comforting

and if you tell this man he looks very handsome or just occasional i love you's, he'll fold ong

his heart melts and he just wants to hold you till he can't anymore

but i think Miss Pauling and Scout would be pretty good buds after the whole "Scout constantly flirting with Miss Pauling" thing died down

and his confession was pretty cringey ngl

his crush on you was very evident so when he tries to ask you out, you say yes

(skipping down the halls with joy)

bisexual icon

Soldier:

oh man

this dude's flirting is... so hard to detect😭

but a lot of his attention is on you!

and makes a lot of exceptions for you

for someone who doesn't like loud noises and is very sensitive to outside stimuli, if you're like me and he notices it, he'll definitely find a way to be more quiet

like if you and the rest of the mercs are lined up and notices you're cowering or anxious asf, he's goes soft and let's you go

if you thank him or say you appreciate him for his efforts, his face is SO RED.

but he salutes you and said he was happy to do for a fellow compatriot

(his hearts beating so fast help him pls)

BUT if you're just as loud and upbeat as him/share his energy, he's in heaven

he loves that you like to blow shit up with him?!?! like omg this is my lover and i will marry them on this battlefield right now.

love languages is totally acts of service

like if you save this man from the enemy he's blushing so fucking hard like omg i love you

with his confession, it was straight forward and to the point (but he was beet red ... basically my hc on him is that he blushes very easily fhjrebjh)

also gender doesn't matter to him, he loves who he loves

Pyro:

HUBBA BUBBA

i love pyro sm :3

anyway

best lover!!!

gifts and quality time!!!

alwwaaaaaaays giving you gifts like omg all the time

your reaction is her FAVORITE

like they'll find a flower burnt to a crisp or a homemade corpse bracelet and he'll have the brightest aura

LOVES MAKING CRAFTS WITH YOU OMG!

jumping up and down if you give her something

like she's the happiest person in the world

bonus if you share a love for fire

campfires/bonfire dates!!

and you're probably the only one who understands him (alongside Engi, of course) so your conversations are endless!

and is suchhh a sweet tooth

such a soft and loving partner!

when pyro confesses (and you accept) he's leaping with joy quite literally

BIG HUG :)))

asexual royalty!!!

Demoman:

holy moly

VERY DRAMATIC WHEN HES DRUNK AND VERY CLINGY

which is a lot of the time cause yknow, very much alcoholic

but when he's sober he's pretty level headed NFJHBJ (comics for reference)

idk man he gives off best friend kinda lover

like he's always so hype and the best to be around

so when he found out he had a crush on you, he was pretty much head over heels

when he's drunk he's always holding you

hugs, kisses, hand holding, slumping on you

NAPS!

omg the best to nap with ong

BRO IS A FUCKING HEATER he's always so gd HOT

so if you're taking a nap with him don't get a blanket he's legit sprawled all over you

but it's kind of a different story when he's sober (he gives you your space but def rolls around in his sleep)

oh boy his confession was definitely when he was on his 100th drink

his confession was SO SLURRED

if you said yes he's over the moon

Heavy:

honestly, this man is a huge softy

and VERY protective.

have you seen him in the comics? he was 100% ready to kill a man over Medic's death (and just his natural protectiveness, like his family for example)

but dude his love language is for sure acts of service and physical touch

when he realized he had a crush on you, he always kinda stuck by you on the battlefield

even with the high of combat, his eye always finds youuu😭

i love heavy sm

and its quite obvious this man doesn't speak much, unless in his native tongue (which isn't often)

so even if he doesn't say anything, he'll for sure stand by you or take your hand

if you have anxiety, this man is SUCH a comfort

also you'd def be the one to confess

if you asked him out or asked to if you could be his partner, he is kinda shocked but is very very happy :)

lets you hold Sasha

no label, love is love

Engineer:

AUGRRHHRR SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY

i'm so deeply in love with this man omg someone sedate me

but anyway

is SO polite and is SO PATIENT

he absolutely adores it when you visit him when he's working

it gets lonely sometimes because he focuses best when the others aren't around (aside from pyro) ... but when he realized how much he loved your presence, he expected almost every day for you to visit him at least once

(gets bummed when you don't)

but if you have a genuine curiosity for what he does and what it means, he tells you ALL about it!!!

he understands it can be very confusing if you haven't studied engineering/computer science, etc... so he is more than happy to explain it to you :)

BARBEQUES!!

loves cooking for you and would sooo wear a "kiss the cook" or something cheesy like that (he finds it funny and hopes to get a smoochy)

quality time quality time quality time

and pet names

omg pet names

"love", "darlin'", "sweetheart", "buttercup"

HIS CONFESSION OMG

i can kinda see engi being a bit cheesy honestly

his confession would be pretty casual! he wasn't too stressed about asking you... and would probably slip the question in mid-convo !

rfhbrtgbj much love for this man

pansexual!

Medic:

I'll be honest here

his love is lowkey highkey possessive

but i think it'd either take a while for him to realize his feelings for you or would become attached VERY QUICKLY

there's zero in between

with his deep love and possession, he finds such deep fascination with your anatomy/body

not even sexually bro

he just thinks you're so incredible and puts u under a microscope

PHYSICAL TOUCH

this man hasn't felt the touch a person in years (aside from the mercs' checkups obviously)

and übercharge, if it was a love language

worships u ONG

loves to see you with such confidence when he activates the übercharge omfg

he thinks you're the most attractive thing he ever laid eyes on

confession? nah yall kinda just started dating; yall kinda just started happening

let me explain😭if someone was tryna ask you out, medic would be pretty quick to step in

uses his height to his advantage to let the person know what's up 😨

bisexual with a def male lean

Sniper:

at first you would definitely think sniper hates you

he wouldn't purposely avoid you, but he like spends zero personal time with you at first

he's always in his van and istg u wanna drag him out and force him to tolerate you

(and he'd probably find that very attractive if you did)

but if he found out he has feelings for you? oh boy oh boy

acts of service 🔛🔝

if you were in close combat with someone and you tripped, the enemy having the upper hand... you'd hear a sudden gunshot in the enemy's skull and a loud thud.

but before you could look up, he was nowhere to be found (you knew it was him and you were very appreciative)

if you brought it up to him OH MY GOD his face would be soooo red soso red

"Don't worry about it, mate..." HIDES UNDER HAT HIDES UNDER HAT HIDES UNDER HAT

the most bisexual man i have ever seen

Spy:

too suave for his own good dude

his love is very old-fashioned!

when spy finds his massive crush on you, is when he realizes the comfort of your presence

if you can have comfortable silence with spy is when he is totally connected/in love with you

smoking out the window/evening night conversations!

also when i tell you this man gets so flustered if you one-up him...

he'll wave it off and play it mad casual but on the inside he's malfunctioning

would definitely take you to the best, high-class restaurants and walks you home omg

HAND KISSES FOREHEAD KISSES

loves to spoil you holy shit

always buying you stuff (jewelry, clothes, shoes, personal things you like... he bought it already)

which btw love language is definitely gifting and quality time

def bisexual like cmon

.

.

.

rorichuu!

[highinmiamiii]

KNOW IT DONT COME IN A SHOT GLASS PART2

18+ billy butcher x supe!reader

author’s note: hello my fellow freaky weird girls this is pretty nasty, i hope u all enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. as i mentioned before this is probably my first time trying to write any kind of fic since like middle school. this is slightly inspired by butcher and maeve scene in s3, but with reader, and better because it’s inspired by Rehab by Amy Winehouse ;)

(CW: mentions of addiction, alcohol relapse, breaking sobriety, smut, PIV, unprotected PIV, f!receiving oral, breeding if u squint, language)

pls lmk if i missed anything

The next thing you knew, you’re sprawled out woozily on the couch, having taken off your sweater leaving you in your tight-fitted black tank top, 4 drinks deep into the horrible fucking idea that was breaking your sobriety with Billy Butcher.

Butcher leans against the couch, a glass of the authentic Russian vodka he had brought back from their mission to find Soldier Boy held between his fingers while he twirls the drink in it, looking intensely at it. Even though this isn’t the first time you’re helping Butcher and his team, you still haven't gained Butcher's complete trust. At least half an hour has passed with the both of you drinking, barely even speaking before Butcher had gone on a rant about supes and why they were ‘The World’s Greatest Cunts’. “I done it all…Coke, Smack, Meth, E…nothin’ quite like this..” Butcher says, analyzing the small tube of V

“Jeez-“ You say huffing at his admission to having done pretty much every drug you’d ever heard of. Butcher sighs and runs his hands over his face, leaning back on the couch as he says “Nobody should have that kind of power. Not even me. Every single one of them has to go, including you" He leans in closer to you, his eyes never leaving the small tube of V. "But I'll be damned if I let someone like you slip through my fingers." His voice is low and dangerous, hinting at the thoughts swirling around in his mind as his eyes flick up and down your body.

You furrow your eyebrows, taking a swig from your glass as you try to decipher what the hell that was supposed to mean. You chuckle softly “You’re an asshole, I’m going out of my way and risking my life to help you, but you really just want me gone too” You roll your eyes and cross one of your legs over the other sinking further back into the couch. “I respect it, Really, your eyes are on the prize, I get it.” You say teasingly before taking another sip from your glass and sliding it across the coffee table. His voice is rough and serious as he looks at you directly, he leaves his glass on the table after finishing the last drop that was left in it. leaning forward and resting my arms on my legs as i let out a deep sigh. there’s a beat before i slowly tilt my head up towards Butcher as i look into his eyes deeply. "What I want and what's right aren't always the same thing," he says, his gaze unwavering. He leans in even closer to you, close enough that you can feel his breath on your skin. "You're clever, I'll give you that.”

“What exactly is that supposed to mean, Butcher?” You roll your eyes, once again, your vision a little fuzzy and your thoughts a little cloudly now. Butcher tsks and tilts his head over to you “Means that you, with your little superhero complex and your 'doing what's right' attitude, could be a liability. But... at the same time, you're the only one who seems to see beyond the surface of all this fuckin’ blimey shite." he says, his voice low and husky. His hand reaches out, fingers brushing against your thigh, sending shivers down your spine. "You drive me mad, woman.” He says with his lips slightly parted, eyes wide as he looks into your eyes “But that doesn't change my mission." Butcher clears his throat and reaches for the glass on the table, to pour himself another glass.

Your eyes search around his face, taking in those pouty parted lips, the scruffy, slightly greying beard and his wide glassy eyes, you take a deep breath and slowly lean closer before grabbing his entire face and breaking the distance between the two of you as your lips smash together in a searing kiss, Butcher let’s out a muffled protest. A flicker of surprise flashes across his face, quickly replaced by a scalding intensity as he deepens the kiss, his hand snaking around your waist.

A few seconds go by before he pulls away and shakes his head, looking down before looking up into your eyes and standing up, the look behind his eyes showing a thousand words…or rather, these specific ones:

‘What the fuck was that??????’

You scoff in annoyance and sit up, running your hands over your thighs before getting up off the couch and looking at him. You cross your arms over your chest and avert your gaze to the side “What? Still think you’re too good for me, s’that it?” You say, taking a few steps closer to him, looking up at his face. You raise an eyebrow, that was the easiest way to convince Butcher to do just about anything, any self-loathing asshole for that matter. Make it seem like there is no lower low.

A flash of annoyance flickers in his eyes, but then he sees right through your little game. With a smirk playing on his lips, he steps closer to you, towering over you. He looks down at you with a mixture of amusement and annoyance, his lips quirking into a smirk. "Too good for you? Darling, I'm not the one playing dress-up in some fantasy world." He says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. You laugh in his face “That’s real fuckin’ rich, isn’t it? Considering I didn’t have a choice to be like this, you’re the one fuckin’ playing fantasy. You live it for what, 24 Hours? You’ll never fucking know what it’s like, Butcher.” You slowly get more riled up as the rant progresses, backing him up into a wall until your forearm is just under his neck. Pinning him up against the wall, he was strong of course, but no match for a supe, especially as wasted as he was right now.

His eyes widen slightly in surprise, but the flash of annoyance quickly returns. He smirks again, his hands coming up to grab onto your forearm. "You're right, darlin'. I'll never know what it's like to be a fucking sick ultra-cunt supe freak” He smirks, fucking smirks like the smug cocky bastard he is, knowing he’s just adding insult to injury right now.

You squint, your eyebrows knit together in frustration as you sneer at him, pushing back even harder now. You use most of your force now as he strains under you, holding him down effortlessly with your strength.

“Fuck. You.” You whisper into his ear slowly enunciating each and every syllable. His smirk fades, replaced by a look of genuine surprise. He tries to push back, but it's a futile effort against your superior strength. "Jesus-alright, alright... I get it," he says, his voice strained, breath hot against your ear. His body tenses under yours, a spark of defiance flickering in his eyes. The smug look on his face returns, but his eyes are still a little wide with caution. "You’re a big fucking superhero. Congratulations. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo, sweetheart." He sneers again, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He tries to push off from the wall, but you don't budge an inch. "Let go of me, damn it.” he says.

But even as he struggles, a thrill runs through him, his cock slightly kicking up in the confines of the rough denim on his body. You surrender, letting your arm fall, but your knee is now beginning to nudge just between his legs. "oi, easy there, love," he says through a hiss as your knee nudges into the now sensitive, growing bulge in his jeans. "You don't want to start something you can't fucking finish." Yet his words falter as he watches your knee press tighter against the growing bulge in his pants, his breath catching. He swallows hard as his back meets the cool bricks once more, unable to break free from the intensity in your eyes, and the persistent nudge of your knee into his growing hardness. He clears his throat and tries to maintain some semblance of control. Trying to keep his voice steady even as his heart pounds in his chest and you invade his personal space again, he stammers, eyes darting between yours.

His back is now fully against the wall, your knee remaining unmoving between his legs as he starts to squirm. You reach out and grab his face with one hand, leaning in and practically devouring his mouth with a fervor and hunger that was difficult to understand for yourself. He was such a piece of shit, what the hell were you doing? Butcher's initial instinct is to push you away, but he finds himself caught in that fiery gaze and the taste of your lips. He responds eagerly, his hand reaching out to grip your hip possessively. The irony of this moment does not escape him, but neither does it stop him. The kiss is sloppy and messy, desperate and breathy before you let your gaurd down, your strength faltering in hopes that butcher will take some control here as you sigh breathily into his open mouth. Sensing your surrender, his ego swells. His free hand slides up from your hip to your waist, pulling you flush against him as he deepens the kiss.

His tongue explores your mouth boldly, hungrily; it's been a long time since someone has challenged him like this. Butcher grips your waist tightly and flips you both over roughly so that now your back is against the wall and he’s the one pushed up against you. He desperately attacks your neck with his mouth, suckling and biting all over your collarbone. You gasp softly at the searing feeling of his lips devouring your skin like he’d never seen a woman in his damn life. His hand sneaks down your back onto the swell of your ass, giving it a tight, rough squeeze as your hand tangles itself in his hair, giving it a sharp tug before pushing him down onto his knees in front of you roughly. Butcher groans into your neck, the sound muffled and needy as you pull his hair, he drops to his knees without hesitation, his hands immediately going for the waistband of your pants. He attempts to yank them down in one go and growls in frustration when they won’t budge, his big clumsy thick hands struggling to get the button open. You snicker under your breath softly, looking down at him as he struggles “Really?” Butcher stops his struggling and tilts his head back to look up at you, his light eyes shining with a mixture of annoyance and pure unfiltered lust. He smirks ear-to-ear before reaching up and yanking the button of your jeans off, the fabric ripping easily under the force of his strong hands.

You gasp, biting your lip to stifle a chuckle as you look down at him, lips parted and eyes wide in shock “Did you just fucking rip my jeans-“ “-And now they're coming off," he finishes gruffly, his hands gripping the waistband of your now-open pants and dragging them down your legs, taking your sheer black lace underwear with them. He leans forward and nuzzles his face into your thighs, inhaling deeply before looking up at you from between your legs. You smirk “you’re a fucking pussy, y’know, for someone who advertises himself as some hard ruthless badass- psssh, i mean, on your fucking knees in front of me, between a supes thighs, really? s’pretty pathetic” You scoff and grip the back of his hair tightly once more.

He growls in frustration at your words, his eyes flashing with anger as he grips the backs of your thighs and yanks you forward, forcing you to straddle his face.

He buries his face in your center, his tongue darting out to taste you. He groans in pleasure, the sound vibrating through you as he begins to devour you eagerly. He laps at your folds, his tongue sliding through your slickness and tasting every inch of you. He sucks on your clit, drawing it between his lips and teasing it with the tip of his tongue before plunging his tongue deep inside of you. You gasp, letting go of his hair as he has your thighs around his head. You throw your head back in a breathy sigh as he makes you feel things you’ve never felt before with his tongue “O-oh my god..” You roll your hips slightly, basically riding his fucking face for a second. His cock is almost leaking through his jeans when he feels you do that. The feel of your hips grinding down on his face is enough to make him lose control. He grips your thighs tighter, holding you in place as he eats you out with wild abandon. He growls around your pussy, the vibrations making you tremble. He continues to feast on you, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he holds you in place. His arousal is palpable, the thick bulge of his cock straining against the denim as he loses himself in your taste.

Your legs are shivering at this point, hair is sticking to your face with a sheen of sweat over your body “B-butcher-“ You moan sweetly, rolling your hips once more and burying your hand in his hair again. The feeling of his beard scratching between your thighs was enough to make your mind go numb. The fact that you were both the drunkest you’d ever been for a period of time was of course, not helping. Everything felt so fucking good, it was like you were buzzing with pleasure everywhere Butcher touched you. The bruising grip of his finger on your ass and thighs, the smooth silky, yet rough glide of his tongue through your slick folds and in and out of your tight creamy cunt. He groans into you, the vibrations only adding to the symphony of sensations assaulting your body. His grip on your thigh tightens, pulling you impossibly closer as he suckles and flicks his tongue rapidly at your clit, bringing you right to the edge. “Jes-Jesus Christ-“ Your legs are trembling and your entire body is on fire, the pleasure is so fucking intense, you’re so close, everything is going right. Until Butcher stops. He fucking stops. He pulls away, leaving you aching and empty, his lips and chin glistening with your juices. “Not so fast, luv. Not bloody done ‘ere yet" He rises to his feet, his erection straining against his jeans. You look at him in complete disbelief and rage “Are you- Are you fucking kidding me?? I was about to-“ You sneer at him and grab him by his ridiculous fucking Hawaiian shirt

He doesn't flinch under your grip, meeting your anger with a cold, calculating gaze. "I know exactly what you were about to, love. And trust me, it ain’t happenin’ till I bloody say so." He plucks your hands off his shirt, his touch rough and possessive. God he was so fucking annoying. “You’re so fucking annoying.” you roll your eyes.

“Oh yeah? s’that right, darling?” His hand moves a stray hair out of your face before picking you up and carrying you over to a nearby desk, he sits you up on the edge, moving whatever paperwork was there to the side and beginning to unbutton his shirt. “Fuck you, I’m not waiting.” You sneer, quickly sliding your arm across the desk and wiping every last paper, trinket, file, ashtray etc. off the desk and onto the floor. You sit up and grab butcher by the shirt again, flipping you both over and pushing him down so he’s laying down with his back against the desk. You pop the buttons of his shirt off by ripping it open for a little bit of payback for your jeans. You straddle his waist, huffing and panting heavily as you look down at him before continuing to make out with him, just this time as you gently grind up against his crotch. He moans into your mouth as you grind against him, the friction of your wet heat against his erection through his jeans almost unbearable. His hands find your hips, gripping tight as he breaks the kiss, gasping for air. "Fuuuck, you're a feisty one, aint ya?” You reach for his belt, trying to unbuckle his while continuing to grind down on him and make out with him. He groans as you unbuckle his belt, her eyes darkening with desire. He wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss. "Gonna let me feel that tight super-cunt, eh?" he growls, nipping at your bottom lip. You scoff “Ew- what the fuck- don’t- don’t call it that-“

You snicker as you unbutton his dark jeans and tug them down his thighs, trying to catch your breath before continuing further.

He grunts, his cock springing free as you lower his navy boxers. It's so incredibly hard and thick, a vein that you almost think you can see throbbing running down the thick shaft, the tip already glistening with precum. "What do you want me to call it then, love? Your pretty little pussy?"

You shake your head no and make a disgusted face.

He smirks, his eyes roving over your body hungrily. "Your delectable, succulent, irresistible cunt?" He reaches up to cup your breast, thumb teasing the hardened nipple through your top. "Or maybe your divine, heavenly, fuck-tight pussy?"

“Okay, okay! stop, please. i’m begging you. let’s just stop referring to it all together” You bury your head in your hands, slightly snickering but also absolutely appalled at the strange

pussy-naming creativity of William Butcher. He laughs, ruffling your hair before pulling your hands away from your face. He chuckles, his hand moving from your breast to your waist. He pulls you closer, nuzzling your neck. "Alright, love. No more pussy talk." He nips at your earlobe, then starts trailing kisses down your neck and shoulder. You reach for his leaking, rock-hard, veiny, thick cock, running your thumb over the tip ever so gently. He shudders, his hips bucking slightly as your thumb teases the sensitive head. A low, rumbling moan escapes him. "Christ, that feels good." He reaches for your hand, guiding it to stroke him fully, his length pulsing in your grip. You give the thick pulsing shaft a soft squeeze with each pump of your fist, your thumb continuing to brush his sensitive leaking tip. You bite your lip looking down at him as you continue to pump his cock. He throws his head back, eyes clenched shut, his teeth gritted as he groans deeply. His eyes snap open, meeting yours with a heated gaze. He reaches up, grabbing your wrist to still your hand around his cock. "Look at me," he commands, his voice low and rough. He brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a hot, open-mouthed kiss to your knuckles. “I-I want it. Please.” you whisper. “Want what, love?” Butcher tilts his head acting clueless as he runs his hands up and down your waist, admiring every inch of your body. “Now is not the fucking time to act stupid if your cock isn’t inside of me in the next two minutes i swear to god Butc-“ the wind is smacked out of your lungs as he sheaths into your tight cunt with one sudden thrust, you yelp almost silently as you look down at him your lips parted in a pout and brows knitted together in a mixture of pain and pleasure. His face contorts with pleasure as he buries himself to the hilt, his thick, calloused hands gripping your hips possessively "Ah, there it is," he growls, his voice strained as he holds still, buried to the hilt inside you. "Look at you, taking my cock so deep." He leans in, nipping at your lower lip. "You're so bloody tight, love.” Your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden as you bury your head in his neck letting out a soft quiet muffled whimper, the tip of him was nudging against that spot inside you that made your eyes roll back so deliciously. It was rare guys ever even managed to hit that spot one during sex for you, Butcher had barely just slipped in and he was already pushing so tight up against it that you were out of breath. "Fuck, you're lovely," he groans, feeling your walls quiver and flutter around his cock. He tightens his grip on your waist, pulling you down harder onto him as he begins to rock his hips up in a slow rhythm. "Look at me, love.” You’re panting heavily as your already fucked out gaze meets his gorgeous devilishly handsome eyes “Mmmh, p-please” You throw your head back as he fucks up into you, even though you were on top, if you even tried to move right now you would probably collapse from how good this felt, how fucking full he was making you feel. "You want me to fuck you harder, is that it?" he growls, his voice rumbling against your chest as he picks up the pace. You whine “Fuck..No-Ye- I-“ You wrap your arms around his bare back thrusting your hips up to meet his thrusts as you whimper “Butcher- Jesus- I- fuck..” The pleasure thrumming through your body is so fucking intense, he was so so so deep, so thick, filling you to the very brim you felt like you were out of breath more and more with each thrust. Digging your nails into the skin of his back and scratching at it as you begin to slowly bounce your hips on his cock. "Ah fuck," he grunts, feeling your nails dig into his flesh, the pain only spurring him on further. He bucks his hips up into you roughly, matching the bounce of your hips. The filthy sound of your skin, slapping against each other fills the room, mixing with the sweet sounds of pleasure spilling from your lips that was beginning to drive Billy to absolute madness.

"You're driving me fucking crazy, you know that?" he pants, his voice strained as he pushes harder into you. His fingers dig into your hips, gripping tightly as he tries to keep himself from losing control completely.

“I-I’m close Butcher-“ You gasp out softly, gripping his shoulder tighter, your nails leaving little red crescent mark dents in his back. "Bloody hell, you better not come until I tell you to," he hisses, his cock twitching inside you. "I'm not done with you yet, love." He grips your hips harder, his fingers bruising as he pounds into you with renewed vigor. You whine throwing your head back “Mmmmmh- P-please…why..” "Because I say so, that's why," he grunts, his face contorted in a mask of pleasure and exertion. "You'll do as I say when we're like this, you hear me?"

"Oi, I said, do ya fuckin’ hear me" he says, his voice strained. He watches as your breasts bounce with each movement, the sight eliciting a primal instinct within him. You nod softly biting your lip as your panting grows heavier “Please…mmphh…Butcher” you sigh.

"Christ, you're a sight for sore eyes," he grunts, leaning forward to take one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. You groan in frustration and pleasure, so desperate to finish, and so sick of his bullshit teasing. Your hand snakes between both of your bodies, reaching between your legs as you dip your fingers into your slick, puffy folds, trying to get any sort of friction against your throbbing delicate clit. Butcher smirks at your frustration, raising an eyebrow. He grabs your wrist, pulling your hand away from your clit and holding it above your head. "I told you, I'm in charge here." You pout, grinding your hips down in a desperate attempt to get a sliver of friction back where you needed it most “Fuck you” You sneer “Stop. I-I needa cum Butcher please” You whine, pouting and looking up at him with those wide doe eyes. "What's the magic word?" he teases, his voice low and sultry.

It’s moments like these that make you want to slap the smug ridiculous fucking accent right out of him. You squint at him, grinding your teeth together. His grin doesn't falter as he leans down to whisper in your ear. "Come on then, y’can have what you want...when you say please." He punctuates each word with a gentle bite, his stubble scratching against your cheek. Your hands make their way back up to his hair, giving it a gentle pull before moaning a desperate “Please” into his mouth, you kiss him hungrily, trying to fight his grip stilling your hips from moving up and down. He smirks against your lips at the sound of that single word, pleased with your desperation. Butcher loosens his grip slightly but doesn't let go completely - just enough to let your hips squirm and move in small motions against him. Butcher's thumb finds your swollen clit, circling it slowly as you whimper and writhe beneath him. He groans at the sensation of your wet heat, the way your body yields to his touch. "Christ, you're soaked," he mutters, rubbing your clit with increasing pressure. Butcher's cock continues to slip and slide inside you, stretching your entrance before plunging deep and pulling all the way back out again. His wrist twists, pointer and middle finger rubbing against your swollen clit in a come-hither motion that has you gasping and crying out. Letting out a ‘humph’, Butcher thrusts into you harder, he can feel your muscles tightening around him, your breath hitching as you edge closer and closer to release. "Come on, love," He continues to pound into you with increasing intensity, his fingers never leaving your clit, rubbing and circling in a maddening rhythm that has your legs giving out deeming you unable to continue riding him, and your back arching. He leans down to bite and suck at your neck as he fucks up into you harder, his fingers pinching and rolling your clit in time with his deep thrusts, the combination of the dirty talk, the bite of pain and pleasure, the slick friction of your slick warm cunt clenching around his cock and pulling him in deeper, all building to a cacophony of your whimpers and soft moans muffled into his neck, combined with his deep groans and shaky breaths. You were both just about to fucking explode with pleasure as your legs trembled insistently, your walls clamping around him tightly, practically choking his poor cock. "Blimey... that's it... fucking squeeze my cock with that sweet cunt of yours," He grunts, his lips finding yours in a bruising, desperate kiss. His hips buck wildly against yours, fucking deeper into you as he chases his climax. “A-alright then, Doll- come on- I’m gonna-“ He taps your ass gently trying to signal for you to get off of him before he came. You bite your lip and smirk planting your hand on his chest for leverage before taking a deep breath and starting to bounce up and down once again. His hands slide up your waist trying to still your movements “Y’little fuckin’ brat…” He groans, gripping your hips tightly as you continue to bounce on his cock. His eyes squeeze shut as he tries to hold off his orgasm, but he’s helpless under you.

You throw your head back, gripping his shoulder tightly and digging your nails into it as your climax approaches, your tight slick walls fluttering around him. The feeling almost suffocating Butcher as you continue to ride him with intense fervor, chasing your orgasm. Your tits are bouncing wildly as your face contorts into a loud whimpered moan of his name, your pussy squeezing him in so tight as you cream around him, gasping for air as your legs shiver, your entire body on fire that it sets off his own orgasm.

With a final deep thrust, his cock buried to the hilt inside your throbbing pussy, he explodes. His orgasm ripping through him with a roar. Pumping the white-hot spurts of his cum into you as he fills you up, painting your inner walls with a reckless abandon. His whole body shudders and trembles with the force of his orgasm, leaving him breathless. He opens his eyes to look at you, admiration shining in their depths. You desperately try to catch your breath, your brain slightly fuzzy of the feeling of his sticky spend dripping out of you right now. You look into his eyes and immediately feel your cheeks begin to flush in a little bit of post orgasm clarity. He watches you, his chest still heaving as he tries to catch his breath. The intensity of your orgasm was almost overwhelming, and he grins at you as he sees the slight dazed look in your eyes. "Fuckin' hell, you're incredible."

He runs his hand down your bare arm looking into your face as his other hand slides down your waist, helping you up off his cock. You bite your lip softly and cross your arms over your chest. He keeps his hand on your waist, guiding you off of him gently as he props himself up on his elbow. His other hand gently trails down your arm, feeling the goosebumps forming under his fingers. You look around the room, spotting your panties on the floor, picking them up and slipping your legs back into them as you throw your tank top back over your torso. You walk over to the couch again, settling into it “Got a cig?” You ask. He watches you as you slip back into your panties and throw on your tank top. The way your breasts move under the fabric as you walk across the room is mesmerizing. When you ask for a cigarette, he grins and fumbles through his pockets before sighing deeply as he feels an empty box “Fucking bollocks…I got bugger-all, fresh out, doll” He runs his fingers through his hair before picking up his boxers and stepping back into them “You wouldn’t mind coming with me to nick a pack, eh?” He looks you up and down before continuing looking around the room for the rest of his clothes. You sit up and chuckle

“Well- I don’t typically go to the store in my underwear, If only I had pants to wear… Oh, that’s right.” You say, tone dripping with sarcasm and bitterness at the loss of your favorite pair of jeans.

[rafesbbyy]

IMPORTANT NOTE!! ⚠

Tw- Mention of genocide, dead bodies etc

This is a difficult post to make, an important one for sure, but one that I'm hesitant to post. I'm grateful for every little interaction i get with my posts and fics, but it's time I set some rules considering everything that's been happening.

First, If you're pro-Israeli miliary/government, a Zionist or literally anyone hiding behind the excuse of 'antisemitism' to excuse, justify and even celebrate the genocide of Palestinian people, I want you to get the fuck off my blog.

Seriously, stop following me and stop interacting with me. I can't believe more fic authors aren't doing this, but I have to be true to my values and put this out there because I fucking cannot take the amount of horrifying shit takes I've seen on the Palestine genocide. I have no interest in followers who support the murder and ethnic cleansing of any nation/people/race. So many fic authors that I've admired have disappointed me so much with either their silence or with their support of the terrorist government of Israel.

The past few months have been shocking, horrifying and hard to swallow and I can only imagine it's far far more difficult for Palestinians who are being bombed one after another. I've come across videos of babies being blown apart, of Israeli soldiers beating and shooting fucking kids, of men and women being stuck under rubble knowing help is not on the way because Israel is not only bombing but cutting off water, food and electricity. All violations of human rights. But in these difficult times, there have also been writers who're showing their support despite the death threats they're getting and to all of them I just wanna say please don't stop showing support, don't stop spreading awareness and don't stop boycotting. So many creators that I didn't know of, I know of now because they alone stood out with their support for Palestinians.

All I want to put out there right now is to please support your fellow writers who are loud and proud about Palestine. And, to stop interacting with creators who have no problem excusing and celebrating the genocide of Palestine. Stop following me if you disagree with me, if you're a Zionist pls. Block me go ahead, I don't want your bloody conscience. I'm shaking with anger, with fear but I'm also hopeful because never has our future looked so bright and full of support. My blog will always, always be a safe space, especially for people of color. Thankyou.

[thehusbandoden]

ok hear me out-

mulan!dabi x shan yu!fem!reader

its were dabi was one if the armies greatest fighters but on one battle the enemy manages to take of dabi’s helmet (the rest of the imperial army hasnt seen dabis face before) so after the battle the imperial army kicked dabi out (like how mulan was kicked out) because they thought he was a monstrosity/spy for the hun’s so after he git kicked out he goes to reader for help because they used to be childhood friends but the reader ran away because of the pressure of being a female

ok thats all just pls make it end with them killing the imperial army

and make them get married

and also when dabi and reader meet pls dont make her break down into tears just make her chuckle and comfort dabi when he starts crying

and pls make this a long oneshot

im having mulan brainrot

and no im not a minor i just love mulan

shes my favorite

and i just watched the live action film

A/n: I'm so sorry this took so long 💀

I hope it's worth it though!! I loved this request sm! You're quite creative <33

The Endlessly Cracking Dam -Dabi x Fem!Reader (Mulan Au)

A/n (2): I'm not sure if you wanted a quirkless au or not, but to fit the story better there aren't any quirks. If you don't like that, or there are any other problems feel free to reach out to me and I'll fix them right away!!

General info:

Genre: angst to comfort/fluff // wc: 5,700+ // female reader // requested

Summary: the man called "Dabi" was one of the Imperial Army's best men. Everyone loved him- or did they? Fake smiles and suspicions kept Dabi on his toes, always hiding his face and past. Well, until that darned Hun knocked off his helmet. Zhu Bo, Dabi's all time tormenter, claimed that he was "cursed" and urged their captain to kick him out. But- Dabi just won that battle! Everyone loves him! They wouldn't kick him out... would they? But atlas people are cruel and heartless. Just because of Dabi's patched up face he was kicked out, leaving him and his horse; Mazu, to find there way to the one and only person Dabi could confine in; y/n l/n.

Warnings!: season 6 spoilers, Dabi's background, Endeavor, betrayal, feelings of abandonment, mentions of violence, hint of revenge (aka murder), blood, and animal slaughter (self defense), If any of these are triggering for you anon please reach out to me! <33

The Imperial Army is known to have many strong soldiers. Every soldier has earned trust from him fellow comrades. Battle after battle fighting side by side formed a strong brotherly bond between each, some getting along better than others. And then there was him.

Dabi, son of no one. He was a monstrosity in battle, setting fear in his opponents hearts, and even his own comrades on occasion. Even though he rarely spoke, and kept to himself when the other men laughed and played around, they all respected him, and usually left him alone, as he preferred. He protected their backs in battle, and has saved almost as many lives as he has taken.

He was truly respected and trusted by all.. except for Zhu Bo, their captain's counselor. Ever since "Dabi" showed up, he was immediately suspicious. This man not only had a helmet covering his face, but he refused to give them his actual name, only offering the name "Dabi" telling him to take it or leave it.

He was truly about to tell him to hit the road and come back later with a real name and his face. But, before he could their captain accepted his offer and welcomed him with a huge smile and gleaming eyes. Ever since Zhu has been looking for any reason to get "Dabi" kicked to the curb.

Zhu would sneak around and look for anything ranging between hidden women in Dabi's tent, letters sent or delivered, cheating during training, and he even attempted to take a peak at his face. Not to mention that he reached out to multiple villages miles and miles away, asking for any information on the mysterious soldier. He was desperate.

Well he found nothing.

Women?

The man didn't even indulge in the chattering about a future wife or being in a relationship.

Secret letters?

The only papers in his tent were notes on certain lessons, going over every miniscule detail of his captain's instruction.

Cheating during training?

This man had the audacity to not only do what the captain said, but went ahead and did extra.

Carrying more weight, training for longer, wearing wrist and ankle weights while battle training, woke up early, and stayed up late to train.

A face reveal?

Yeah no, it's impossible. When he's bathing? Always out of sight, usually late at night and away from the usual lake. Eating? He does so far away from everyone else, after everyone else. Sleeping?! If you're lucky enough to catch this "Dabi" sleeping, you'd not only have to stay up into the hours of early morning, but you'd have to be so quiet or else you'll wake the man up and he wouldn't go back to sleep. At all. But, if you do catch him sleeping, he not only has a full coverage face mask, but the only thing poking out is black, fluffy hair, and a part of his hands and feet.

And even in the hundreds of villages Zhu contacted, he found nothing.

Giving up, Zhu decided to resort to trying to convince the captain that he was overly suspicious. And he was starting to make progress! Their captain was watching Dabi a lot more, and even contributed to questioning villages. Zhu Bo will find something, and he doesn't care how long it takes.

~~~

(Dabi's p.o.v; 4:13 a.m.)

The chill of the morning air seeped through Dabi, causing the man to frown as he hurried to get dressed. After tugging on his boots Dabi swiftly attached his sword to his belt, finishing off the look. He always had a full suit of armor on, if any of the soldiers saw his scars.. well they'd think of him as some kind of monster.

The scars that he bore were not humane, and he didn't like seeing them, so who else would? At that thought his mind turned to y/n, his childhood best friend. Oh sweet y/n, she was always there for him. Whenever he needed a break from the horrors of his household she was there, giggling as she brought him to a place to rest, and drown out the world. Sadly, Dabi hasn't heard from, nor seen y/n since he left for war. Dabi just hoped that the Huns hadn't attacked their village, or that she didn't get married. At that thought Dabi let out a growl, ready to fight anyone who tried to take his away y/n from him.

After packing up all of his supplies and his tent Dabi saddled his mare, settling on her back to start making the 10 minute trot to the other tents. Once he got there, there were only a few sleepy-eyed soldiers slowly getting dressed, yawning every minute or so. After nodding solemnly to those who waved, Dabi made his way to one of the wagons.

There were only a few men with horses outside of the captain and Zhu Bo, and those who did had to lend their horse to pull wagons of supplies. Dabi's wagon was to be filled with food supplies, and so he started filling it, keeping in mind that he had to make sure that it wasn't too heavy for Mazu.

Dabi wasn't the kind of guy to have a lot of close ones, or to make a lot of special connections. All Dabi had was his mother, y/n, Mazu, and Nainai.

His mother, who he didn't even speak to anymore was always a support for him growing up. Even though he didn't treat her well she still loved him and tried to help. He will always love and appreciate her, even if she doesn't know it.

You, the girl that he has loved since childhood, and the one and only girl that he would even consider marrying.

Mazu, his companion and friend through thick and thin. His beautiful bay Jielin mare. Mazu has been with him since his Nainai gifted him and y/n her, telling them to be good and to take very good care of her. And that they did.

Dabi took care of her whenever he could get away, and y/n took care of her when Dabi couldn't. She was well cared for and very loved. When Dabi left for war they both agreed that he would take her, but he made a promise to look out for her like he would a comrade, and so far she's been completely safe.

And finally his Nainai. No, the woman was not his actual grandma, but all of his best childhood memories came from sitting in her garden, helping her weed alongside y/n, just talking, or even just listening to her stories. When the old woman asked them to call her Nainai they both willingly agreed, and the rest was history.

Dabi was pulled from his thoughts by the captain making his way over to him, black eyes focused on studying Dabi's wagon.

"Is this all you can fit?"

"If I add anymore it will either be not safely secured, or too heavy for Mazu to pull efficiently." Dabi replied, lowering his head lightly as a gesture of respect.

"Okay. Hook up your mare to the wagon and then get something to eat. You'll need your strength."

"Do you think today could be the day?"

"I do."

Dabi nodded, moving to tie up Mazu as his captain went off to check up on the other soldiers. After quickly eating Dabi moved to spend time with Mazu, lying on her back and he thought back to y/n, the woman who held his every waking thought. Yes, he went to war because he was forced to, but instead of being bitter about it he related it to protecting the people he loved back home.

As he continued to think about his dear friend a frown made its way to his lips. Y/n had promised to write to him, just as he promised to come back to her.

So why hasn't she? She wouldn't have forgotten about him, nor their promise, so that wasn't it. She rarely had problems with her parent/guardian(s), so that wasn't likely either. The only possibilities the Dabi could think of is that either their village was attacked or she got.. married. But she didn't seem to have any interest in marrying anyone when he was there, so what is happening?

"SOLDIERS! WE ARE PREPARING TO LEAVE! HURRY UP, GET READY, EAT, AND GET YOUR BUTTS OVER TO THE CAPTAIN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES!"

Dabi hissed at the loudness ringing in his ears as he moved to sit right. Urging the mare forward, Mazu smoothly made her way toward the forming crowd. After settling to the side, Dabi fiddled with Mazu's reins, making sure that they were tight and would fit comfortably in his hands, it would be a long ride after all.

As Dabi kept his eyes straight ahead, he was pleased to see that everyone was energetic today, ranting about their future wife and what qualities she would have. After a while of their ranting Dabi spaced out, mind wandering to his special someone. As he thought back to his y/n the soldiers noticed his huge grin and came over to question him.

"So.. do you have a girl worth fighting for?"

"What does that matter? I'm here to defeat the Huns, not to bathe in the wonder of having a woman 'worth fighting for'."

"Yes yes we all know that you're battle hungry- but come on! You have to have someone! Like when you're exhausted and about to give up but then you think about her, it's important!"

"Unlike you weaklings I actually stay focussed on the battle instead of my silly daydreams."

"Gosh what a killjoy. I guess all those rumors about you are true. Have fun by yourself, loser."

Dabi just rolled his eyes, focussing back on the path in front of them.

~~~

Exhaustion seared through Dabi as his chest heaved, breathing heavily. The sounds of battle echoed in his ears as he looked around, dead bodies surrounding him, blood splattered everywhere. After scanning his surroundings, he rushed to help out a trio of young soldiers, pure fear evident in their eyes as they faced two enemies, the ragged hair and crazed eyes causing them to almost whimper.

Rushing towards them, Dabi swiftly cut down one of the two enemies, much to his comrades relief. Quickly moving toward the last enemy, Dabi dodged a hit last minute, which barely nudged his helmet instead of slashing at his neck. Moving to counter, he missed the fact that his helmet flew off, landing somewhere in the heat of battle. After splashing the Hun down Dabi turned to scold the young soldiers.

"Men! That was cowardly, get yourselves together and get back into battle!" Dabi seethed, not failing to notice how the men whimpered at his scolding, sinking into themselves.

Dabi just scoffed, noticing that one of them was the same man that insulted him earlier. Clicking his tounge, Dabi turned back to battle, pinpointing a fairly injured soilder fighting off four enemies at a time before rushing in, saving the man swiftly.

~~~

Hours later Dabi stood near the middle of the battle field, blood splattered acrossed his torn up armor, yet nothing but a small amount was his. After checking the surrounding area for more enemies, Dabi's shoulders dropped at the sight of none. They won. The Huns were gone.

Staggering toward the crowd of comrades, Dabi couldn't help but grin, focussing on their victory rather than their immense losses. They did it. They really did it.

The men cheered as they pushed each other around, reveling in their victory as many tears fell. Though, it all came to a stop as Zhu Bo stepped forward, black eyes pinning Dabi down with a wicked grin stuck on his face.

"Captain! Captain! Come take a look at this!" Zhu called, grin fading as the captain came into view.

"What is it, Zhu?"

"Look at him! He must have been cursed! Look at that face, he's a monster!"

As the captain pushed past the gathering crowd, his face paled at Dabi's appearance.

"Uh- excuse me? I am no moste-"

"SILENCE!" Zhu spat, glaring at Dabi with dark eyes.

"We'll talk in private, Zhu. Dabi, get yourself cleaned up, are you seriously injured?"

"No Sir."

"Okay, good job out there."

"Thank you, Sir."

After the captain led Zhu away Dabi clicked his tongue, moving to find Mazu before cleaning up.

~

After ensuring Mazu's safety Dabi cleaned up the blood and ate, watching as the other soldier avoided him as if he had the plague.

Typical.

Of course they are, this is exactly what he wanted to avoid.

Everyone always assumed the worst. After the fire incident everyone avoided him, calling him cruel names and telling him that he was cursed. The only one who knew the truth was y/n.

Dabi had told her all about how his father had trained him viciously, going as far as to burn him to the point of these wicked scars. And yet everyone thought that the man was inoccent. But, he really couldn't blaim them.

His father fought in many wars and saved the people multiple times. And yet he was a monster inside. He wed his wife for her family's reputation, and had children for one purpose: war. He always went too far in training and made his children suffer, all for more glory.

Dabi just couldn't take it anymore, and so he dyed his hair and changed his name, before running from home. He stayed with Nainai until the soldiers came.

Dabi was pulled from his thoughts by the captain, Zhu Bo, and an unfamiliar man gliding towards him, faces grim -except for Zhu's grin of course-.

"Dabi, you are being dispelled from the Imperial Army." The unfamiliar man commanded, cold eyes holding nothing but distaste.

"Ca-captain?" Dabi stutterer, hurt and betrayal pulsing through him.

"Dabi, you fought well, and you did us and the people a good service, but.."

"B-but what?"

"We can't risk it. Dabi.. You could be cursed. And I'd rather not take that risk." The captain said, usually warm eyes hardened with a bitter chill.

"I- I saved your butts back there! If it weren't for me you wouldn't have won!"

"Dabi.. just give it a rest."

"But-"

"OBEY YOUR CAPTAIN YOU MONSTER!" Zhu Bo screeched, eyes holding a victorious glint.

"I thought he was no longer my captain." Dabi sneered.

"That's-"

"Silence, Zhu. Dabi, you have an hour to pack up your things and leave."

"You're sick." Dabi sprat, turquoise eyes hardened with anger.

As Dabi turned to leave he couldn't fight off the urge to flip the trio off, causing Zhu to curse him out as he walked towards Mazu.

~~

After gathering both his belongings and enough rations to last him around three weeks, Dabi made his way out of camp and towards his village.

No, he didn't want to be around all of those gossipy villagers, or his family, but he needed y/n. His world was crashing and he just hoped that the dam wouldn't break before he found her.

~~

The next six weeks were spent horse back riding, hunting, and sleeping.

Dabi made sure to keep his eyes on the prize, refusing to even acknowledge the immense hurt that was brewing at the bottom of his chest.

He needed to get to y/n, and he could only hope she wasn't killed nor married, or he would be left alone in this cruel world.

~~

Two weeks later Dabi made it to the village, exhausted, hungry, dehydrated, and smelling absolutely horrible.

Immediately going to y/n's house he doesn't even have a thought about his.. strange appearance and rushes to the l/n resistance.

Swiftly knocking on the door, Dabi's breath caught in his throat as the door swung open.

Looking up at your parent/guardian, Dabi opened his mouth to ask the question he's been dying to ask.

"C-can I see y/n?" He stuttered, inwardly cursing at the rawness of his unused voice.

"Y/n.. I- I'm sorry but she ran away some months back.. and who are you again?"

Dabi's heart dropped.

You.. ran away?

"J-just a friend."

Clutching at his chest he forced himself to exchange a semi humane parting before stumbling back to Mazu.

"C'mon girl.. we.. we need to get out of here."

Treading through the village Dabi felt the dam holding back his emotions crack.

What if he couldn't find you?

What is you were.. gone?

His thoughts were interrupted by a far too familiar face. Panicking, Dabi pressed himself against Mazu, and hopefully out of sight of the villager.

After a few tense moments Dabi sighed. Sitting back onto Mazu, Dabi couldn't help but watch as Natsuo walked away, completely unaware of his older brother behind him.

Dabi chuckled pitifully as he felt another crack form.

He had to find y/n.

~~

(A few hours later; 5:23 p.m.)

After a while of looking and asking around, Dabi found himself in front of Nainai's door.

It was funny, really. He didn't mean to come here. His body has just engraved the habit of going to Nainai for help with anything and everything he needed.

Knocking on the door, Dabi desperately tried to stop the dam from cracking.

He needed y/n when it broke, there was no way he was going to let someone else see him so vulnerable. Not even Nainai.

"Touya? It's so good to see you! What's wrong?"

"C-can I come in for a bit?"

"Of course! Come in, come in! I just made some cookies!"

"Thanks Nainai."

"Anytime Touya, anytime."

~~

For the next hour and a half Nainai took care of Dabi. She found him some clothes that her deceased son used to wear, told him to take a long bath, cooked his childhood favorite food, prepared more rations, and even spoiled Mazu.

When Dabi was done with his soak he had lots of good food to eat, and Nainai did most of the talking, making sure that he wouldn't have to deal with awkward silence or hesitation to reach out to her.

Dabi and Nainai eventually got to the subject of y/n, and Dabi was glad to hear that she had come to stay with Nainai before running off. Nai Nai even had a clue to where she would be- much to Dabi's relief.

"I love talking to you, Nainai, but I really need to get to y/n asap."

"Oh it's alright Dear, I understand. I'll go get you a letter from her."

"A-a letter?!"

"Yes, she gave me one for you, and told me not to open it until you came searching for her. I have kept to my promise, Touya. This letter will be for your eyes, and your eyes only."

Nodding, Dabi's hands shook as he waited for Nai Nai to return.

Y/n.. she was still thinking about him? S-she's safe?

Dabi cursed as he felt the dam of emotions crack yet again.

He really did need y/n.

"Alright Touya. Here's the letter, all I know is that she will be reachable on horseback, and that she's about eight days away."

Nodding, Dabi shakingly took the letter out of Nai Nai's hands, looking at the small envelope in awe.

"Shall we say goodbye here? I expect you'd like some privacy."

"W-why?"

"Love works in that kind of way, I suppose."

"L-love?!"

"Ah yes, the unending denial." Nai Nai smiled bitterly, looking down at her ringed finger in pain. "Now, come give your Nainai a hug and then you can be off!"

After a long, warm, and very comforting hug, Dabi was left alone in his Nai Nai's cozy living room; envelope in hand.

Mentally bracing himself, Dabi tore open the envelope with little care, too anxious to see what was inside to worry about the pretty way you sealed the stupid envelope.

Unfolding a piece of paper, Dabi's eyes skimmed over the writing hungrily, needing your location to stay sane.

My dearest Touya, if you are reading this letter you must be home from war, and I must be gone. I know that you're hurt, and that you're confused at my silence. But trust me, my dearest companion, I tried and tried to reach you, but my letters were always sent back to me. I never received any of your letters, if you sent any. I am safe, and if you'd like to find me you are very welcome to, but I do have one condition. if you are to visit me, you are to always stay with me, locked away where the world can't hurt us anymore. things got too painful without you here, Touya. so if you can, come to me? I will show you a life worth living! If so, follow the instructions on the back of this paper, that is where I lay; and hopefully- where you will too.

Your Dearest friend,

Y/n/n. Or as you like to call me, Doll

Dabi cursed yet again as another crack formed in his teetering dam.

Of course y/n wouldn't leave him like that. She was truly the best.

Hurrying out to the stables, Dabi mentally calculated where he and Mazu needed to go before saddling Mazu and their belongings, and then riding off.

~~~

It had been nine days of riding, resting, eating, riding, and resting again.

Dabi looked like death yet again, and Mazu was pushing her limits.

Due to Dabi's exhaustion, he paid less and less attention to their surroundings, which resulted in unwanted, hungry eyes to find their perfect target.

~~

Dabi glared at the pack of wolves in front of him, eyes full of crazed hatred.

"Wanna dance, muts? Let's dance." Dabi grinned, katana held readily.

Dabi's turquoise eyes never left the vicious pack of wolves as he studied the starving creatures. He might of let them slip into his campsite, but there was no way he was going to let them get past him to Mazu.

Instantly tearing himself from his thoughts, Dabi slashed at the wolf that lunged itself at the solider, leaving a fatal gash on it's stomach. A loud whine set off the rest of the pack, causing three of the seven remaining wolves to leap at him at once.

Slashing the beasts with ease, Dabi held his ground.

A grin splayed across his lips, his exhaustion horrendously miscalculated the wolves damage. Pain shot through Dabi's shoulder as a fallen wolf leaped onto him, landing a fairly decent blow.

Cursing, Dabi stabbed the wolf in the chest, killing the animal.

Turning to the others, Dabi chuckled bitterly.

~~~

(Your p.o.v; 12:22 a.m.)

You sighed as you finished writing another letter.

It has been months since you've last seen Touya.. where could he be? Is he still in war, or did he make it home? Did he decide to stay, or did he find a nice young lady to marry and move to her village? Could he possibly be coming to you now?

The thoughts swirled in your head, souring your mood further.

Touya was not the kind of person to get married to some pretty little nobody. He cares for love, which was most likely due to his trauma with his parents relationship.

If he were to marry someone, he would have to love her deeply.

The thought made you sigh as you made your way to your bed, the thought of some rest helping ease some of the worries within you.

It will all work out in the end. If he truly didn't want to be out here with you, then that was his choice. You couldn't force him to, that would just be cruel, no matter how tempting.

~~

You awoke to a pounding on your door.

Groaning, you grumpily make your way to the noise, opening the door grudgingly.

"What the heck do you wa-"

You were interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around you.

Baffled, you were about to push the person off before you recognized the purple scars.

"Touya? What's wrong To?"

Touya simply shook his head, pushing himself as close as possible to your warmer form.

"Why don't you come in? It's warmer in here."

Touya squeezed you once before skidding into your cabin. After you closed the door he was back in your arms, pressing himself close to your back, head buried in your hair. Returning his embrace as best as possible, you stayed there with him for as long as he needed.

A few minutes later he pulled away before softly spinning you around to face him.

Chuckling, you move to wipe the blood streaming down his cheeks. "Shh it's okay Touya. I'm here now."

Bursting into sobs, Touya buried his head into your neck, arms wrapping around your waist.

"They- I- you-"

"Shh it's okay. It's all okay now. You're safe."

After a while Touya calmed down a lot, and the two of you had moved to your small wooden loveseat.

"Mazu.."

"Mazu? Oh- is she out there?"

Touya simply nodded, eyes hooded as he stared at you.

Squeezing his hand reassuringly, you make your way outside.

Mazu was grazing obediently next to a fence, her reign poorly tied. "Mazu!" You greet, petting the mare's neck lovingly. Neighing softly, Mazu nuzzled her head against yours.

After spending a little time with Mazu, taking care of her, and putting her away in a stall, you hurry back to Touya's side.

Walking in, you smile at the sight of Touya dozing on the love seat, hand buried in your German Shepherd Jin's fur. Smiling, you gesture for Jin to stay before getting ready for bed yourself.

~~

(The next morning; 8:23 a.m.)

Loud footsteps stirred you from your slumber. Rubbing your eyes, you tense at the sounds of another person in your cabin.

Why hadn't Jin alerted you?!

Why would he let a stranger in?!

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of soft, familiar curses. Touya? Why would Touya be in your-

And then the memories came flooding back.

Smiling, you hurry to greet your best friend properly. "Good morning Tou-"

Your heart stopped at the sight of the man in front of Your beloved Touya was overed in.. blood.

"Touya what happened?!" You demand, rushing to inspect the damage.

"A pack of wolves attacked me and Mazu. Don't worry about it. Most of it isn't mine."

Scoffing, you grab a wash tub to start filling.

"Ah don't be like that Doll."

You simply snort, filling the tub with hot, soapy water.

"Get in, wash up." You command, glaring at the man in front of you.

"With you in the room- I didn't know you were so-"

"No! I'm gonna leave, idiot!"

At your angered tone Touya's mood noticeably dropped, causing you to curse.

"Y-you're not mad at me.. are you?" Touya asked, voice small with worry. Everyone else but you and Nainai had rejected or neglected him. He couldn't bare to lose you too.

"Oh Touya no. I'm not mad at you. I'm just cross with you for being so nonchalant about getting hurt."

"But-"

"No buts. I care about you, I don't want to see you care so little about yourself. Put yourself in my shoes."

"W-what? I don't think they'd fit."

Smiling, you shake your head affectionately.

Ah yes. 'Dabi' was still your Touya, a confused and hurt teenager at heart really. He didn't understand metaphors much.

"I mean- look at it from my perspective. What if I got hurt, and acted like it was okay. Wouldn't you be a little upset?"

"I'd kick your butt and pin you down to make sure you're all patched up." Touya huffed, eyes holding a slight glint- warning you to not test him.

"See- that's what I'm dealing with. I care about a lot, I don't want to see you get hurt."

Slowly nodding, Touya's eyes were focused on your face.

MmYou blushed as he stared, noticing how he kept shifting from your eyes to your lips. You'd call him creepy- if you weren't doing the exact same thing.

"Y/n.. have I told you how much I've missed you?" Touya whispered, bringing his face slightly closer to yours.

"No, I don't think so." You smile, following his lead in advancement.

"Well then.. why don't I-"

You both were interrupted by Jin jumping on top of you, smothering your face in his wet and xsloberyx kisses.

"Jin, Off!" You command, causing the large dog to back off of you and sit between you and your love- crush? Friend? You don't even know anymore.

Clearing your throat, you keep your eyes held low as you studied Jin's fur, combing your fingers through his dark fur.

"Umm, I'm going to go care for Mazu. Why don't you wash up?" You blush, sinking closer to your pet.

"Y-yeah that's a good idea.." Touya replied, voice strained from some kind of emotion- embarrassment; you guessed.

Standing up, you gesture for Jin to follow you as you make your way out of the cabin.

"Oh- Touya?" You call, shyly glancing at the male.

"Y-yeah?"

"Your room is in the loft.. there's a ladder in the stable, and a towel will be on the shelf behind you. You have some personal clothes and belongings from the village.."

"Thank you y/n.." Touya whispered, blood pooling under his eyes.

"I'd hug you but uh- you're kinda soaked in blood sooo.."

"Just go you baby!" Touya laughed, making you smile.

~~~

(Two weeks later; 11:38 p.m.)

A sigh escaped your lips as you traced the scars on Touya's arms, desperately wishing to be able to lay kisses on the patched skin.

In the two weeks that Touya's been here, neither of you have talked about the almost kiss; though it was most definitely on both of your minds.

It was driving you insane- you loved Touya with all of your heart, so why couldn't you just voice those feelings?! Why was love so.. so complicated?!

Sighing again, you caught Touya's attention.

"What's wrong, Doll?"

"Oh I'm just.. thinking."

"About?"

"I really don't think you'd be interested.." you murmur, eyes never leaving the gorgeous skin of your childhood best friend.

"Tell me, I want to know what's bothering you." Touya insisted, placing a hand underneath your chin before bringing your gaze to his turquoise eyes.

"Umm.. what do you think about the- the kiss?" You stutter, wetting your lips at the wonder of Touya's eyes.

They were so... gorgeous.

"The kiss? Well.. I'm not really sure. I'm not really used to these kinds of things you know."

"Me neither." You huff, e/c eyes tracing every feature of Touya's.

"But, I do know that I want to try it again.." Touya continued, hand sliding up to cup your cheek. "If you'd let me, that is."

Your breath caught in your throat as you stared up at Touya.

Was this really what you wanted- did you love him?

Your heart beating against your chest screamed yes- causing your cheeks to burn.

"I- this isn't some kind of game to you?" You stutter, mind panicking at his closeness.

"I promise you that it isn't." Touya whispered, thumb caressing below your eye.

"T-then kiss me- please."

A warm chuckle emitted from Touya before he seized your lips with his.

The surprising contrast of his soft upper lip and his rough, almost leathery bottom one caused you to gasp. Taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss, Touya brought his other hand to hold your other cheek. Moving one hand to his neck and the other to his hair, you kissed him back with just as much emotion.

After a few, intense moments you pulled away, gasping for air.

"That- was- amazing-" Touya gasped, stroking your cheek with renewed gentleness.

You giggled as you smiled up at your childhood friend.

"I've been waiting to do that for a long~ time." You tease, practically purring as Touya pulled you closer to his warmth.

"And I've been waiting for longer!" Touya playfully growled, moving his hands to tickle your sides.

"S-stop that!" You laugh, moving your hands to carefully tickle his arms, avoiding the burnt areas with care.

After a few minutes of giggles, you both slowed down before you were simply just staring at one another, entranced in each other's gaze.

"I- I think I love you." Touya whispered, breathe fanning over your lips.

"And I know I love you." You giggle, pressing a kiss to Touya's lips, smiling into the kiss.

After a few, incredibaly soft and dreamy kisses Touya rest his forehead on yours, looking down at you. "Marry me."

"Wh-what?"

"Marry me. We can build our own family here, away from the world. They'll find us eventually.. and an unmarried woman like yourself would be forced to marry some snobby noble."

"You're just making excuses to make me yours." You tease, bumping your nose against his.

"Maybe I am. Would that be so bad?"

"Mmm not really."

"Oh ho? Is that a yes?" Touya smirked, pulling you into his lap.

"Depends. I require lots of attention. Plus foot massages when I'm pregnant."

"P-pregnant?"

"You mentioned a family, did you not?"

"Y-yeah.. I did."

"But on a more serious note, what are we going to do about the Imperial Army? They'll find us eventually- like you said, and then they'll expect our son or sons to go to war. And our daughters to get married-"

"Shhh, it's okay, Doll." Touya soothed, pressing a finger to your lips- receiving a kiss to the warm flesh.

"How about we.. get some revenge and protect our future angels?"

"That sound perfect, actually." You grin, knowing where this was going.

"But, marry me first. And then we'll go traveling around for our honeymoon.. we wouldn't be searching for the army's camp ground or anything.."

"I love you so freaking much."

"Not as much as I love you, Doll."

~~~~

A/n 3: I'm not too sure about the ending, but I hope this wasn't too long + suited your taste anon!! Also, I have zero experience kissing, so I hope it did an okay job lol 💀😅

~

Feedback and Reblogs are very appreciated <33

Dabi's masterlist | Masterlist | Navigation | You can tip me here <3

~~~~~

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.

[rinsvg]

Anxiety, J. Kirstein

Warnings: anxiety and panic attacks are happening and is being described mutual pining on both sides. Heavy anxiety/ panic attacks and descriptions of them. Proofread. Pls turn back if it makes you uncomfortable. 1k words.

Description: you help jean through a anxiety attack

Jean Kirstein had always thought himself to be a strong and confident soldier, but even he had his moments of weakness. Like now as he sat alone in his room, he felt a wave of anxiety wash over him, with his heart racing and his thoughts spiraling out of control.

He covered his ears with his hands, trying to block out the noise of his own racing thoughts. But it was no use. The thoughts only grew louder and more overwhelming, his mind racing with all types of thoughts of him just not being enough. He mumbled to himself, trying to get them to stop.

That's when he heard a knock on his door. At first, he didn't want to answer it; normally, it was just Connie and Sasha trying to get him to come out so they could annoy him. He didn't want them to see him like this, though, so he ignored it in favor of cupping his hands over his ears again. But the knocking persisted, and he knew he couldn't ignore it forever.

As he opened the door, he was surprised to see you standing there. You were fellow soldiers, but you had never really spoken to each other before. He noticed you, though, and, I mean, who wouldn't? You were beautiful, with skin a rich shade of warm dark brown, a smooth and flawless complexion that glows in the sunlight, and expressive eyes that are bright with intelligence and determination. Yeah, he might have a small crush on you, even though he doesn’t know your name.

"Hey," you said softly, noticing the distress in his eyes. "Are you okay? , I heard you mumbling while walking past."

Jean shook his head, unable to find the words to express how he was feeling. He was unable to tell you how he was feeling. But you didn't need words. You could see the anxiety written all over his face.

"Come here," you said, taking his hand and leading him to his bed. "Sit down and take some deep breaths with me."

Jean followed your lead, sitting down and closing his eyes as you instructed. You placed a hand on his back, feeling the tension slowly dissipate as he focused on his breathing.

"You're not alone," you whispered, your voice barely audible, but it was enough for him. "I'm here for you; I’ll always be here for you."

Jean didn't know what to say, but he felt comforted by your presence. He continued to breathe deeply, feeling his heart rate slow down as you rubbed soothing circles on his back along the path his heart takes.

After a few minutes, he opened his eyes and looked at you. You were still there, still holding his hand, still looking beautiful as you cared for him.

"Thank you," he said softly, his voice rasping from not speaking for a while, so his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Anytime," you replied with a smile. "I'm always here to help." You continued, "I’ve had panic attacks too; I mean, who wouldn’t with men eating titans around?" You laughed while smiling again this time, though your smile seemed more forced and depressing this time. Jean had to look away.

"I don’t remember when they came, but I do know they won’t leave." Jean whispered, his eyes widening Ever so slightly at realizing what he said, but before he knew it, he was talking again. "I just want them to go away," Jean stuttered while his eyes filled with tears.

"It's like this sudden and intense feeling of fear and anxiety that just hits me without warning." Jean panted as he ranted to you. "The walls feel like they are closing in, and sometimes I feel stuffed, like I can't breathe or move, and I hate it; I just want it to go away." Jean's voice rose slightly at the end.

Jean had expected you to get up to walk out the door after seeing him like this; hell, he even expected you to laugh, but no, you stayed rooted to your spot.

You hummed. "I know what you’re feeling; I won’t lie to you and say they are going to go away because they won’t, but they can get easier if you have a friend to help you." You looked at him while continuing to rub his back. "We can help each other if you will allow me."

Jean grew quite quiet for a few moments, hunching over slightly while going over your proposition in his head over and over before finally coming to a conclusion.

"I’ll like that, actually. I know we don’t know each other that well, but I hope we can become friends throughout this." Jean answered while leaning up from his hunched position and straightening his back fully.

Really," you exclaimed, "I’ll love to be friends with you, Jean." You smiled brightly. "Let’s make the most of this little deal we've got here." You grinned this time, thrusting your hand out in an eager handshake to solidify the deal, and with that grin, something in Jean told him he was biting off a little more than he could chew, but he took your hand anyway.

Hey, I know this is a little late seeing as we have been in the corps for more than three months now, but what’s your name?" Jean asked while shaking your hand.

"Ooh me, my name is y/n l/n. Nice to meet you". You answered while letting go of his hand. "Nice to meet you too, y/n; I’m Jean Kirstein." Jean smiled slightly.

Ooh, I know who you are." You smirked while walking towards his door to let yourself out. Jean definitely bit off more than he could chew.

🏷️: @neptunes1nterweb @westcinny @rinmine @thehanging-gardens @blkcupid @jujuyii @junevenile

[sandwichmustbetasty]

pls help a fellow Alistair romancer

AUUUAAAUUWAHHHH

As always struggling with timelines and quests order in DAO, jesus chrisssstttt.

My autistic brain just can't work properly when I don't have everything planned out and jut when I thought I finally had it, turns out I actually don't.

The problem is the first quest after Lothering.

My first playthrough I did Brecillian Forest first because I was so very lost as what to do and followed the logic that Loghains people won't be looking for us in the forest and on the way to Denerim.

Which seems logical enough until you remember that you literally leave Alistair's (shitty) father figure in his dying state without even visiting once.

Kind of not so great move romance-wise (speaking obviously only about potential fanfic timelines since it doesn't matter in the game).

So obviously the most logical would then be Redcliff, Brecillian Forest, minor quests in Denerim, Soldier's peak, Circle Tower and Orzammar (the logic covers only potential distances not whether it's actually good playthrough wise like collecting companions and such).

BUT

BUT

BUT

But doing Redcliff quest first would mean that sacrificing Isolde wouldn't have so much impact on the romance.

I mean you sure do lose the approval, but I mean timeline wise. They've only known each other a couple of weeks then, possibly not even a month. So it would rather mean that there are less chances of romanticak involvement not that they literally have their hearts crushed in the argument that follows (I have such a good idea for a fic it's making me physically unwell)

Doing Brecillian Forest first would mean that it's considerably longer time and more time for the rose thing, some heart to heart conversations and such.

I am trying to write an immersive fanfiction and it's so damn hard to connect everything into logical thingy.

And yeah, I suppose I could do without it but timelines are my thing. I love them and crave them carnally. And this one just doesn't add up unfortunately :c

pls help a fellow Alistair romancer.

[ask-dr-fritzludwig]

...I dont think is very pro-

Hallo! uh...internet (I suppose?) uhm...

Name: Fritz. Ludwig

age: 39

height: 6'1

Currently: healthy. Maximum 180 beats per minute...

Currently I am at ze Builders league base with my fellow mercenaries. I have been told zhat creating an account on here will be helpful...in some vay...herr scout tells me to make friends on here anyvays...

OOC stuff at the bottom!! pls read!! vvv

Ough now time for the OOC stuff

Hiiii uh...so this is my first ever rp blog so sorry if I mess some shit up

Also im still pretty new to the TF2 fandom. I don't even have the game or SFM :(( i really want to though...

like I said I'm new to the tf2 fandom. I probably won't act out the medic right and i really apologize for that so yeah :/ also english not good sometimes idk why so ://

Mod is a minor! so pls dont do anything weird! Like super weird asks and stuff. but rizz up the medic all ya want ig? (he'll be confused or flattered. he doesn't know which one just yet)

ill respond to ask to the best if my ability and to stay in character

im planning to draw some sort of blog ask thingy for this acc- so sorry for the late reply

You know the usual DNI; if ur homophobic, racist, transphobic, bigoted zoo/pedophile stuff ect ect JUST DON'T EVEN BOTHER-

Also Also

ill add in a few head cannons i have for the blue medic. like the bio says. its based off blu medic from lil pootis and a bit off of emesis blue?

fellow blu rp/ask members id love it if yall interected too :DD love rping and such. Speaking of Rp...

ig main ship for this blog is...yk- basic as hell heavymedic and also ig engineer x medic (platonic wise ig?) [if there is like ship content ill probably be a bit nervous cus like...this is my first blog so qwq)

speaking of ships. ig any ship is okay. those 2 are my main for this blog (BUT MY 3 TOP MAIN SHIPS HAS TO BE HEAVYMEDIC, ENGISPY AND BOOTS AND BOMBS/ SOLDIER X DEMO SO EJCSKXKWKXKW) as long as its legal/isnt with miss pauling, scout or pyro (personally i just dont see 3 of em with the other mercs. pyro with anyone is atleast something friendly and miss pauling is just there to make sure the other mercs dont get into trouble...also lesbian miss pauling so :] )

If ya want yer ask to be drawn pls tell me qwq Ill probably draw random asks but not yours..like i said im switching between text and drawing out a reply so yeah...sorry

💉#Prepare for your examination...-> general medic stuff

💉#In my medical opinion -> medic answers Asks

💉#THE___IS (DEAD!) -> medic interacts with other blogs (medic just asks shit/start up shit/responds to other tf2 blogs) [also also because tumblers a arse. i cant even use the tag because apparently its inappropriate so yeah]

💉#turn your head and cough -> ship stuff? i think?(JWJDKWJS I SHOULDN'T HAVE CHOOSE THIS VOICE LINE QOUTE BUT ITS SO FUNNY FOR THIS-)

💉#you are SCHEWPID -> Shitty doodles (made by mod)

💉#danke schön -> random (mod) bullshit GO!!

I saw other blogs that do this but thier from diffrent fandoms so...uh claimed anons?? here?

[tirsynni]

BIG agree about their relationship; I really love their dynamic and how they're equals to each other, the way few others are, so more of that pls! and 'feud' might have been the wrong word to use re what I meant about RE:V. more like, I personally felt that leon's question to chris and chris' answer wasn't quite resolved? which feels important bcs that question seems to embody where each characters head is at atp in time and they didn't seem to reach an understanding at the end. idk, thoughts?

I agree with you there: the ending drove me nuts. It felt like Leon was asking a serious question and Chris was too busy riding the high of victory (and adrenaline) to pay any real attention to the question, nonetheless provide a sincere answer. When Chris answers with a joke, Leon goes along with it and tries to match the more relaxed mood, and I doubt he brings it up again.

These are bits of conflict that I really, really wish I saw more in fics: Chris and Leon are so dramatically different when it comes to experiences and perspectives. People write fics where the conflict is that they hate each other (see my previous posts on why I hate that) when this conflict is already there. These two absolutely trust each other but their views on the world are so insanely different, and the end of Vendetta shows how it can present problems in their relationship, whether you make it romantic or platonic.

Chris has always been in some position of authority, power, and independence. He's always had the ability to fight and, possibly more importantly, react. When he's done with one fight, yeah, there's probably more fights in the future, maybe even related to this current fight, but he's pretty much done. He's a soldier, a fighter. Organizations like TerraSave handle the clean-up. Other divisions of the BSAA probably help with the clean-up, too, and probably investigations. But in this situation, with Arias, once Arias was defeated, Chris's part was probably done. Debriefings, yeah, but I doubt much else and I doubt that he deals with any significant repercussions from his more dramatic actions. He has the freedom to go after and fight his enemies. He has the power and authority to face minimal repercussions. He gets the victory from defeating Arias and I doubt he has to deal with any of the other issues involved with having a battle in a major city like that: the bloody, nasty aftermath is not his problem.

Leon? From the beginning, he's been involved in an uphill battle. He's had very, very few clear-cut victories. Leon definitely has power and authority by the time we see him in Vendetta but there's always a sword over his head. He's not a soldier working with fellow soldiers like Chris: his first day of work involved him shooting the people who should have been his coworkers, shooting the people who put up a welcome banner for him, and then he's tossed into a viper's nest. He's forced to work for same government that bombed Raccoon City or they kill a little girl. He's surrounded by enemies with no idea who to trust, and often when he does trust someone, he's betrayed later. In Damnation, when he thinks he's making the right choices and fighting the good fight, he discovers at the end that it was a set up from the start. Leon always sticks with his morals and beliefs, and that has to be exhausting when he can't just go "I believe THIS so I'm going to do THIS and I'm going to have a clear victory from it." In his position, he has to bend and be creative and think long-term instead of aiming for an immediate victory. It sounds exhausting with minimal relief in sight.

Chris is a captain and a soldier; Leon is a weapon and a spy. Chris is surrounded by his fellow soldiers, people he can trust. Leon is either alone or with a possible enemy. This has been the status quo for them for over a decade. Just think about that: there is a fifteen-year difference between RE2 and RE6. Leon was just old enough to drink in RE2. By Vendetta, he's edging closer to 40 and Chris is around 40. Years of living like that has to sink deep into the bone. Can Leon even remember how idealistic he was in RE2? Can he relate anymore or is RE2!Leon a complete stranger now? I imagine there's been a hell of a shift for Chris, too, but for him? The core has never really changed.

Vendetta begins and ends with Chris and Leon being in similar positions with dramatically different outlooks. They face tragedies at the beginning. Chris responds with rage and charging forward, determined to stop Arias no matter the cost, including dragging Rebecca and Leon into it. Seriously, neither Rebecca or Leon probably should have been involved and probably wouldn't have been cleared for duty if it wasn't for certain high-level people pushing for it. Leon's position is less clear-cut. Again he was betrayed. Again he was helpless to protect people under his watch. He's exhausted, hiding, licking his wounds, and Chris doesn't respond well to that because the enemy is clear to him when to Leon, the enemy has never, ever been clear. At the end, Chris is cheered by his victory. He had targeted Arias, and now the battle is done. Yay! Leon's exhausted. He knows this isn't the end. He knows that, yes, they defeated one bad guy, but the mess went so much deeper than just Arias.

So Leon asks a serious question and Chris can't hear it and Leon doesn't ask again. Like you see him in previous movies and games, Leon goes quiet and just smiles and hides a thousand secrets behind his teeth while Chris, clever as he is, never notices.

I would love the new movie to address this, but I'm not holding out hope. They like to present problems and not the solutions, which makes sense, as it leaves things open for future possibilities.

[emahriel]

had a dream that my boyfriend (who does not play bg3) woke me up and he was sobbing. I asked what was wrong and he just really wanted me to read his favorite gortash fic.

Honest question am I going insane?

Honestly Gortash is just that powerful, I can't even blame you for having such a dream... pls friends, help a fellow fallen soldier and recommend them Gortash fics - this may be a symptom of Gortash deficiency 😔

[monin1ca]

Could I, perchance, interest you for hc of KAY/O giving in to his programming and attempting to kill all the radiants in the protocol, and all the while mumbling something like “Good soldiers follow orders”?

Will do!! Enjoyed writing this aswell~ Word count: 670 Warnings: Kay/O going rouge, radiants getting hurt, cursing, angst

It all happened so fast-

Kay/O was talking to Phoenix, discussing the team plan for the next mission. When suddenly-

System override⚠!

Mission: Kill all radiants. 

“You good Kaykay? You look like you shut down-” Phoenix inquires when his friend’s screen goes all fuzzy and shuts down. The robot looks like it was booting up, and the male sighs in relief. “Yo fam! What happened?-” “Good soldiers follow orders.” “Wha-” Suddenly, Kay/O lunges at Phoenix- going for the neck of the radiant. “Shit- Kay/O, what’re you doing?!” A familiar female voice intrudes, and the party turns their head to the right- Seeing Jett with a distraught face, “Mission - KILL ALL RADIANTS.” The killer robot booms, and the female, still clueless; responds to her fight or flight by activating her dash and throwing a cloud burst at the robot.  “Shutting her down,” Kay/O gets off Phoenix, now attempting to eliminate Jett. Phoenix gasps and coughs once relieved of the pressure, he snaps his fingers- releasing his flash bang, he lets go of the flash; blinding the now rouge Kay/O.

He runs off, trying to get away. This isn’t a prank, that was obvious; Kay/O doesn’t do jokes. Shit- What does he do first? Go to Killjoy or save Jett?  Phoenix feels so dizzy, he wasn’t used to this pressure and stress. He settles on going to Killjoy, Phoenix runs as fast as he can to the techie’s lab. Frantically banging on her door- “ KJ! There’s something wrong! Open up!”  his fists start to hurt from hitting the metal door. The german genius opens the door, her face worried. “ ‘Nix? What’s wrong?” “There’s something wrong with Kay/O! He’s sayin’ something about killin’ all radiants! He attacked me and Jett!” The sentinels face drops, “Scheisse (Shit)! Don’t tell me-” “What? Hurry! He’s going after Jett! I need to go help her! I-” She pulls Phoenix into the lab, scurrying over to her laptop. She agitatedly goes through the camera and finds footage of Kay/O slowly trudging in the hallways, she increases the volume of the footage. The two hear the robot mumbling- 

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

Over and over again, she grabs the mic that was connected to speakers all around the protocol and announces, “All agents and radiants be warry! Kay/O’s programming has been overridden and is now looking for radiants to be eliminated. Brimstone and Viper please report to my lab ASAP.”  The genius turns to the duelist, “Go get Jett and the other radiants now, and at all costs- Avoid Kay/O. I can’t just turn him off now that the system was overridden. I can’t help you from afar.” The man hesitantly nods, “Got it.” “If you really have to engage in combat- take this gun,” she hands him a gun. “It will stun him but not completely hurt him, he’s in hallway 12B. Now go!” The duelist runs off to go and find Jett. 

Going through the stairwell he finds Skye and Yoru, who looked shaken up by the announcement. “Phoenix did ya hear the announcement? We need ‘ta stick together.” The firebird shakes his head profusely, “We can’t! Kay/O is after Jett. I’m pretty sure he suppressed her and she’s powerless! I already consulted KJ, I need to go after her. I need you to look for the other agents and evacuate them.” The two though confused, nod their heads in cooperation. “I’ll take the left wing, of the protocol,” Said the rift walker,  “ I’ll go the other way then- You take care yeah?” Skye hums while summoning her wolf.  The three split ways, hoping to save their fellow friends.

Author’s Note- HELP I CUT IT OFF HERE CUZ I GOT A BIT CONFUSED ON WHAT TO WRITE AFTERALSKDJLASDAS PLS HELP ME, I may or may not write a part two on this. Just lmk if you really want one^^

[the-traveling-poet]

Hello, can I request Captain Levi x cadet reader enemies to lovers where Levi takes care of a sick reader please? Thanks 👍

Migraines

At first, it was all fun and games; He’d piss you off, and you’d piss him off. It was a never ending competition of hatred that neither of you knew how had even started. All you knew for certain was his gloomy demeanor really set you off, just as your overly confident personality really riled him up. But when you suddenly stopped trying to get under his skin and kept to yourself, Levi felt the unfortunate need to find out why.

Pairings: Levi x Captain!Reader

Warnings: Language, bullying, SFW, enemies-to-lovers

Taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe

A/N: You got it lovely! Pls this request was such a fun write. Sorry for the long wait! Also I made reader a Captain just to make it flow a little easier? Hopefully it did? As always, if something doesn’t match up to your preferences, I’ll happily re-write.

🤎Enjoy~

“And that concludes today’s meeting. The next expedition is a go.”

Erwin wrapped up the weekly meeting with a confident smile; one you couldn’t help but grin along to.

“Excellent plan, Commander,” you grinned, shooting a fleeting look over to the man on the other side of the table from you triumphantly.

Levi rolled his eyes. He was always in agreement with Erwin’s plans; except for when you so full heartedly accepted them.

“Course you’re in favor, L/N. Leading a team is all you ever wish to accomplish in this line of duty.”

“Oh c’mon shorty; everyone deserves to be apart of something here.” you retorted with a chuckle, leaning back in your chair and folding your arms across your chest.

“Oh for wall’s sake,” Erwin whispered to himself in exasperation, running a hand down his brow. It was always a competition between his top two soldiers, no matter what the task at hand might be.

“As I previously stated; Captain Y/N will be holding down the left flank, and Corporal Levi will lead the Special Operations Squad along the right flank. You’ll both regroup at the head of the formation; there is no competition to be had here.”

Scoffing under his breath, Levi turned his head away. “Of course not. There never is any competition to be had.”

“Why you little-“ You rose from your seat and leaned across the table towards Levi, but the warning look flashing through Erwin’s eyes made you freeze and sigh in defeat. Standing back up straight, you made a show of smoothing our your outfit and hair, then smiled.

“Of course, sir. I won���t let you down.”

With that, you spun on your heel and exited the room alongside your fellow Captains.

Levi grumbled under his breath as he stood and pushed his chair back, shooting a glare to the back of your head. Seeing this, Erwin approached him and placed a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder.

“At least try to get along? I’ll speak with them as well, as this would be a two sided agreement, but please; try and cooperate with them for prep training and the expedition?”

Scoffing, Levi looked up and met his eye. “I’ll behave if they do. Besides, I don’t instigate.”

“Of course you don’t,” Erwin sighed, removing his hand. “You two might just get along, if you tried to.”

“Doubt it, eyebrows.”

Shrugging his shoulders to adjust his jacket more comfortably, Levi marched out of the room, leaving Erwin to softly smirk to himself as he watched Levi approach the Captain out in the hall.

═════════════════

“Oi, L/N.”

You halted in your tracks and turned your gaze over your shoulder, only to see Levi leaving the meeting room with a deep scowl. Biting back a grin, you turned to fully face him and raised a brow.

“Yes, short stack?”

Levi grit his teeth and furrowed his brow, coming to a stop only a few paces away from you.

“Don’t forget prep training tomorrow afternoon. I won’t tolerate having to wait on your lazy ass frolicking around HQ when we have duties to attend to.”

“Oh, I’ll be there, don’t worry too much,” you reassured him mockingly. “I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting on me too long.”

Levi was silent for a moment, carefully evaluating your features and tone before responding.

“Whatever that’s supposed to mean, don’t let it make you late. Again.”

“I think you know what it means, but fine,” you smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair in the way you knew he absolutely loathed.

“See you tomorrow. Oh, and do try and keep up on the expedition. It’d be a shame to have you not meet up in formation with the rest of the squad cause your short legs wouldn’t carry you fast enough.”

“Same to you, shit stain. Try not to miss the fifteen meter titans standing right in front of your blind eyes.” Levi growled out, his eyes sharp with hatred.

“If I can spot you in a crowd, no one has to worry about my ‘poor eyesight’. You don’t exactly stand out.” You scoffed over your shoulder, turning away to continue down the hall.

Left standing alone in the hall, Levi sighed. Just how the hell did Erwin expect him to get along with you?

═════════════════

By the time lunch was served and devoured in the mess hall the following day, Levi still hadn’t spotted you anywhere. For half the day, this pleased him; one less annoying brat to deal with. In his books, the most annoying brat.

But when he stood out on the training fields and saw your entire squad without their Captain present, he became annoyed.

As much as he hated it, as Captain, it was his duty to ensure everyone was accounted for for their prep training. Pinching his brow, he barked out a command to the cadets before him before storming off.

“Seems someone decided to skip out on mandatory training. Stay put while I drag their sorry ass out here.”

With that he was gone, fists and jaw clenched as he thought of all the places you might be hiding.

The stables? Absent. The mess hall? Only the cleaning crew occupied the space. Erwin’s office? Empty but for the very man sat at his desk.

With a brow raised in surprise, the Commander greeted him.

“What brings you to my office, Levi? Aren’t you all preparing for prep training?”

“We were, till someone decided to go missing.” Levi scoffed, arms folded over his chest.

“Captain Y/N?” Erwin assumed, taking a stand from his chair and turning to the office’s large windows.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen them all day. Hange even made a remark about their absence.”

“Surprised shitty-glasses even noticed something non-titan related.” Levi huffed, following his Commander’s gaze.

“Y/N is scarcely tardy…” The Commander trailed off in thought, his brow pinched in concern.

“I’ve already checked the stables. And the mess hall.” Levi uncrossed his arms and stared curiously out the window. Why was he suddenly feeling a spark of concern as well? It’s not like he actually cared if you showed up or not…Right?

“Have you tried their room?” Erwin’s sudden question brought him out of his thoughts.

“…No,” Levi admitted, furrowing his brow. “Why the hell would I ever go there?”

“Well other than the obvious that they might be there, I’d only suppose it would be because you’d care to check up on them?”

Levi let that sink in a moment, then scoffed in irritation. “Fine, I’ll check for them there. But only because you ordered this damned prep training.”

“Thank you, Levi. You’d better go check soon.” Erwin hid his smile by turning back to his desk and taking a seat.

“It’s good to see you care about them.”

“I don’t.” Levi sighed as he made haste towards the door, racing out and down the hall.

For a moment he wondered where your room might have been. Through which of these winding halls did your door reside?

Stopping in his tracks, he found himself before one of the many oak doors lining the Captain’s hall. He knew this was your door, but how? Surely, he thought, he hadn’t accidentally memorized where you stayed?

Snorting a sigh, he raised a hand and hesitantly knocked. Silence met his gesture, so he tried again. And again. Feeling beyond frustrated, he finally spoke up.

“Oi, brat. You in there?”

═════════════════

Removing the covers from your head, you squinted your eyes open with a groan. Even with the curtains drawn shut, your room was still too bright.

You’d known you hadn’t felt the best during the meeting yesterday, but had only shrugged it off to be your annoyance towards the day. But to have woken up the next morning with a migraine and a fever, you figured you were in for one hell of a day.

Breakfast hadn’t gone over well. In fact you’d hardly gotten a few bites down before you stumbled back to your room to collapse in a sweaty heap on the rickety mattress. For an hour you convinced yourself a little rest would enable you to keep going, but every time you stood up the room would spin and your stomach would churn. Eventually you’d given up and resigned yourself to the dark room, wondering when you’d get yelled at for lack of attendance.

Now, it seems the time had come.

Rubbing at your eyes, you propped yourself up on an elbow and glared at the door.

“The hell you want short shit?” You rasped out in a hoarse and stuffy voice. Silence met your response, then you could hear the faint sound of your door handle rattling. With a final click, your door swung open and bounced off its hinges. Glaring at light that shone in, you groaned and fell back against the bed.

Of course it was him.

But…hadn’t he been the first person to race into your mind the moment someone came to check on you?

Levi slowly walked in, narrowed eyes analyzing the state you were currently in. Messy hair, red nose, pale skin, squinted eyes, tense shoulders.

He huffed, standing in the center of the room with crossed arms.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks. Thought I’d take a leaf outta your gloomy book.”

You two glared at each other, silent and unmoving. Finally it became too annoying for you to keep quiet anymore. Clearing your throat, you spoke.

“So? Why are you here?”

“Cause you aren’t out for prep training,” he responded dully.

“You do this for all the female Captains? They don’t show up so you break into their rooms to watch them sleep?” You snorted, sitting up straight finally.

“Nope, just you. So far you’re the only dumbass Captain I have to track down and check on.” Levi uncrossed his arms and let them hang at his sides as he looked you over once more.

“Awe, you do care-“ a series of deep coughs racked your body, causing Levi to take a step back.

“You should be in the infirmary, being this sick. And for the record, I don’t care. I have orders, same as you.” He huffed, turning his gaze away from your disheveled form to the covered windows lining your room.

“And I’m sure those orders consisted of you breaking and entering?” You raised an unnamed brow, then sighed.

“I tried getting up, tried eating, tried forcing myself to work…Didn’t happen. Head cold and migraine.” You explained up briskly.

“I gathered as much…” Levi’s voice trailed off as he returned his gaze to you. For the first time, you saw something other than annoyance in his eyes when he looked at you now.

Pity? Concern? You couldn’t quite tell, but the new look in his eyes relaxed the tension in your shoulders.

“If you won’t go to the infirmary, then I guess you need someone to look after your sweaty ass.” Levi continued, though his tone carried a silent question rather than the usual authoritative tone he always used with you.

Surprised, you couldn’t do anything but nod along in agreement.

“I suppose I could use some help getting more meds…I was only able to find enough for one dose earlier.”

“I keep extras in my office.” Levi was quick to respond, then seemed to realize his slip in character and furrowed his brow.

“ ‘Suppose I could grab them for you, but just so we’re clear I’m only doing this to get you back to your duties. It’s pathetic you can’t even manage this much on your own.”

Despite the throbbing ache in your head, you grinned sluggishly. “That’s rich, coming from the guy who rushed in here to offer me help in the first place.”

“I didn’t-“ He sighed, unable to come up with anything to dispute your claim. It was true, after all. “Just shut up. You’re giving me a migraine.”

With that he spun on his heel and left the room, not bothering to close the door after himself.

“Prick,” you mumbled, turning over in the bed to get comfortable again. Through your annoyance, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

True, you were always at one another’s throats. It was an aggravatingly amusing way to pass the time most days. But that look in his eye…It was stuck in your mind, playing over and over again in a loop. Why? You couldn’t be sure.

But the moment he returned with a glass of water and a roll of bread to accompany the bottles of medication in his arms, you realized you might just like this side of Levi better.

Through his glair, you could detect the tiniest hint of satisfaction in his eyes when you finally gave him a genuine smile.

[daddyslittlebabyboyslut]

the kings son and the male maid

once upon a time there lived a king named Zusi who wasn't a hero to the kingdom but this story isn't about the king this is about his son and a maid who was a guy but they still fall in love but that isn't where the story begins or is it. the story begins with a boy who lives in the woods but works as a maid for the king's son so he sets out to the kingdom and the woods to get to the castle but on the way he sees the price out of the castle waiting there with a sad look on his face so the maid went up to the prince and spoke in the most angle like tone and asked the prince are you ok my prince to which the prince replayed with I wish I wasnt the king's son I can't even go into the woods or town without someone trying to get things from me or they get mad at me for the kings failed things the maid then looked at the prince with a smile and said my price how about I take you on a "mission" the prince then looked at the maid now not having a sad face and replayed my father would never let me the maid then looked at the prince thats where your wrong my prince you could till the king your out to hunt for love someone to marry then the prince looked at the maid with a big smile now and said your right lets go then my love he said saying the love part quite and started running to the king to ask which to it the maid fellowed him. They get to the king and the prince asks the king to let him look for "love" The king then looks at the prince and says Why you do not need true love You have everything you could ever want here son The prince then looks at his dad pls let me look for love my father he said now getting on one knee the king then yelled fine so with that the prince and maid set off to find his "love". A few hours later the maid takes him to a woods showing him the animals and flowers but then the prince asks the maid " What's your name to which the maid replayed with the name Dexter which made the prince smile at the name and say, Mine Merlin, Dexter then looked at Merlin and smiled and then said Wanna see something cool only for the prince to look at the maid and nod Sure he said happily the maid then grabbed his hand, and pulled him an area with just gray grass the maid then said there used to be an animal called Sphinx but after the king took over they were all killed or from what I heard they all got taken but watch this he says before whistling only for a baby Sphinx to come from behind a tree the maid then looked at the king his name is Ashton the prince then looked at the maid and said he's cool the maid then grabbed the princes and started dancing while singing soldier, poet, king to which the prince started laughing and joining the maid into dancing after a few hours it had turned night and they had started setting up camp and the Sphinx kept trying to have fun with the prince making the prince laugh while helping the maid build the tent

probably sucks hopes it good

[doveabovetheworld]

Yo i need to ask all of my fellow gresties for some GVF lore and theories y’all have pls!! Also, what do you think the roles for each of the boys are? I know for sure Jake is the soldier and Danny is the archer but idk what Josh and Sammy are… pls help :,)

(This is for the series imma make so pls help me out)

[clairecrive]

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that���s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

[h50europe]

Why the myth about Steve's PTSD doesn't add up and other inconsistencies

In the last few episodes of H50, PL tried to sell us a mentally broken Steve suffering from PTSD. Only the whole thing came a bit too late. The clip you see is from season 4 and ended up - no, not in the series - but somewhere on the floor of PL's editing room. And why? after Kurtzman and Orci departed, along with their writers, PL took the helm and started turning Steve into a super-soldier. He stylized him into something that wasn't meant to be. Instead of developing the characters, PL began to incorporate more and more hair-raising action sequences into the series and then let Steve fight on the front lines. There was no mention of Steve's mental state, and a lot was explained by PL with: it just happened "offscreen." Yeah, sure. PL can't create a decent character. He can only produce stereotypes and one-dimensional beings. Like Adam. What potential would that character have had had he been turned into Five-0's antagonist? But no. So his role remained diffuse and monotonous. Sometimes even tragicomical.

Back to Steve. When SEAL Team started on CBS, PL also lapsed into SEAL mania. If someone who writes fanfiction were to produce as much garbage as this man did, he would be chased away from every writers' platform in disgrace. PL's Super SEAL also had to rescue his team members from a blazing inferno. Not man by man, no, he flew a helicopter right into the danger zone and lifted a whole cabin out of the burning jungle. If lunacy had a name, it would be PL. While the action became more and more exaggerated and unrealistic, the same happened to the protagonists. After the departure of Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park, PL completely lost his mind. And please, don't blame the writers for the nonsense that was thrown at you. A series stands and falls with the showrunner. He dictates what he wants and passes it on to his staff.

And so, lovable Steve became a soulless robot who only showed feelings here and there. Danny diminished more and more into a sidekick. McDanno became a ship that drifted anchorless through a stormy sea and threatened to capsize again and again. From season 8, it became a reboot of the reboot. PL tried an ensemble show and failed more than miserably. Often the actors just stood around bored. At least that was the impression. The only highlight was episode 8.10. A feast for all McDanno fans. But even here, the outcome of "who shot Danny" was more than insubstantial.

Wait, there was something about SEALs... Oh, yes. Junior appeared on the scene and became Steve's lapdog. I really wondered when there was going to be an episode where he would fetch sticks for Steve. Luckily we had Eddie for that. And because he thought he was so clever, PL invented the episode speed dating. How many subplots can you squeeze into one episode at the same time? In some episodes, you couldn't even take a look at the bag of potato chips without losing the thread.

The case of the week became the yawn of the week. There were so many loose ends that PL then came up with something called retconning. That's what you do when you're no longer satisfied with what was once established in the series years ago, or it no longer fits. But PL went one step further and did the same with the characters. The more the series was dragged out, the more the characters deteriorated and became OOC. It means, often, they were not recognizable at all. And that's where we come to Steve. Because PL, in his desperation, didn't know what else he could do to Steve, and so he killed Joe White. He did it in such a cheesy way with a fake sunset that it made you sick.

Of course, one episode later, there had to be another gig of PL's favorite Barbie. He stuck a fake beard on poor Steve/Alex, so he couldn't even hug Danny/Scott properly. The episode also raised more questions than it answered any. And Steve? He still didn't suffer from PTSD, even though he had now lost Joe White and a fellow SEAL. Everyone is dropping like flies, except for Steve, who is standing like a rock. No matter what. He doesn't need in-depth talks with Danny, nor psychological care, nor any sleeping pills. No, he's doing great. He also opens a restaurant with Danny because apparently, the carguments are already getting on PL's nerves. Unfortunately, this plot device leads into nirvana. The idea was nice, but nobody thought it through to the end. And the merry-go-round continues. Until we get to season 10, where it gets even more absurd. Now PL is almost bombarding us with McDanno episodes, or at least it should seem that way. Oh well, he's already planning for season 11, so a new character has to come on board quickly. While in the beginning, Steve's mother, Doris, dies.

Alex was allowed to take on the subject. Of course, only under the strict eyes of PL. He then nullifies Alex's idea that Steve kills his mother. Because a good soldier and Super SEAL won't do that. Little does PL know. THAT could have been the opening of a PTSD scenario for Steve. However, apart from that, this episode would have had any potential for a multi-arc. Just imagine Steve chasing his mother across multiple episodes. Again, PL stepped in and butchered Alex's episode. You can really feel sorry for the guy. PL at his best or worse? He just can't help it. And then, on the very last meters of the series, he brings someone new, who is allowed to cruise around with Steve most of the time. Because Danny was kidnapped by Wo Fat's widow, PL also invented quite late to have some villain at his disposal. This wannabe mastermind must really have been living under a rock somewhere if she wasn't even mentioned by her husband or appeared earlier.

Because towards the end, PL obviously ran out not only of steam but also of ideas, everything culminated in a wildly illogical scenario. Steve has to live through a dramatic day with Eddie, who stands as a metaphor for Steve (as I said, PTSD was never a thing for Super SEAL), Danny bangs his brains out in a ladies' room with a complete stranger, who dies shortly after that in an accident with Danny's rental car. Apparently, there was no budget to turn the Camaro into scrap metal. Danny then also goes home alone, ignoring the incoming emergency vehicles. Everything remains open at the end of the episode. While Steve expresses his gratitude to Tani and Quinn and says, he would be just as lost as poor Eddie without the dog and all of them. The strange thing is that you never notice anything until that sentence. A few forced dialogues are supposed to make the drama visible, but they all happen way too late or are so poorly written that you miss them.

PL had decided early on to make Steve a Teflon hero. That also means he didn't need to put much substance into the character. Which you can clearly see if you compare the first three seasons to the rest of the series. But towards the end, PL wanted to turn the tide and forcefully rewrote Steve's past. There is a huge difference if you compare Steve from seasons 1 to 3 with Steve from season 10. It is only a sparse remnant of what made this character so great. This change in Steve's personality also affects his relationship with Danny. The witty, affectionate banter degenerates into a snappy, humorless bitch-fest that takes all the joy out of it.

The final two episodes could have been written for any other crime show. As mentioned, we have Cole, who even gets a book'em Cole from Steve, which can only be described as out of line. And it begs the question, was that what Lenkov originally had in mind? Danny out of the show and Cole in? Was the last episode, which mainly featured McCole, something of a test run? Did all the McDanno moments happen only to tear the two apart eventually? Was the real final scene the one where Steve and Catherine take Danny's coffin back to Jersey? Was Danny not supposed to survive? Was that the real reason Steve wanted to get out of Hawaii because he wanted to pay his respects to Danny? And would he really have returned to Hawaii later? Or would he have turned his back on Hawaii? To me, this ending is more plausible than what PL served us. Then, Steve handed over his credentials to Cole instead of Danny, his second in command. Honestly, you can't make the end of a series any more sloppy and dumber than that. And I won't even lose a word about the last 1:30 minutes because I think everything has already been said.

No PL, mission absolutely not accomplished. You created Teflon-Steve. You never wanted him to show any weakness. You turned him into a superhuman who can survive anything. Only to pull the rug out from under him on the last few meters to the finish line and spit on his legacy. How can you dismantle such a great series and its characters like you did? How much do you have to hate something to do that? In the final interviews, the showrunner didn't exactly cover himself in glory either. Everyone who grew up with the series from day one knows that its end was wrong on all the possible levels and that the showrunner is solely to blame for that. It takes a fair amount of egoism and carelessness to drive 10 years at full throttle against the wall. Not many people can do that. Whether you can be proud of that, however, I doubt.

My respect if you have made it this far. Each of you gets 10 extra brownie points for it.