𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ✯ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧
✯ 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 "𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐚𝐧" 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐘𝐨𝐮 (𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞: 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲)
✯ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: A game of critter-critter has unexpected prizes.
✯ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 5.6k
✯ 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✯ 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐞 #𝟏
✯ 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞'𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐞 #𝟏
✯ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬
✯ 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧
𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩, 𝐓𝐗
𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟖
Gooseflesh is starting to break out over your skin as you lay out in the sun. Droplets of springwater still sit thickly over your flesh, your hair sopping but still erratic as it fans out all around you. Your eyes have slipped shut, the sun spotting your vision in a kaleidoscope of seafoam and blush and dandelion.
The boys are still horsing around in the spring, laughing brashly about something or the other, as you and Ruth recline against the mud and let the sun freckle your skin.
Ruth is humming, in a peculiarly good mood today, as she lies on her belly.
“If you’re gonna hum, can I at least change the station?” You ask softly, peeking at her through half-lidded eyes. She’s smiling, her plush cheek pressed against her arm as a laugh bubbles from her throat and out of her mouth. “Jesus, you’re scarin’ me! Hummin’, laughin’, smilin’. What’s next? Gonna break out in a dance number or somethin’?”
Ruth is used to being teased--she is a perpetual grump and takes great care of maintaining that image--when she’s in a good mood. It doesn’t happen often; what is there in Silverkeep that would frequently put her in a good mood? Not much--not much at all.
“You can request somethin’,” Ruth says softly. “But no Willie Nelson.”
“Hmm,” you whisper, tapping your chin. You let your eyes flutter shut again, adjusting your sad cotton bra that is clinging to the swell of your breasts. “Got any Cowboy Junkies in there?”
Without another word, Ruth begins humming Angel Mine. You settle back against the mud, pleased as a plum that she’s in such a good mood--even if she hasn’t told you why.
“Ruth Gabriel, you’re full of surprises,” you sigh in content, rolling onto your belly, too. Your chest is warm from the inside out, something about the summer sun and the company of friends pulsing through the musky air pleasantly. “I’ll be here when you’re ready to tell me what untwisted your panties.”
Ruth just laughs, pink kissing her cheeks.
She isn’t going to say anything to you. She isn’t even really sure how to, even if she wanted to--which she doesn’t. How in the world Ruth Gabriel is ever supposed to tell you or her daddy or Hyde or her mama that she kissed a girl is beyond her, so she’s allowing it to just sit privately between her and Alma Bailey. Before leaving their little spot tucked underneath the empty bleachers at the desolate high school, they locked their pinkies together and made a silent and thorough promise to keep it hush-hush. Girls kissing girls in Silverkeep isn’t something they want to broadcast.
“Noted,” is all Ruth says.
The water is kissing the underside of Jake’s jaw, chilled from the ample shade above as he makes long and complete strokes. His chest is warm from panting and laughing, his toes cold from grazing the muddy bottom.
“C’mon, just tell me!” Hyde is whining through a mouthful of springwater. He spits it in a steady stream, shaking his head and letting water droplets fling out across the surface of the spring. “Help a brother out!”
Jake rolls his eyes, pausing to just wade, puffing out a few breaths as he rolls his eyes at Hyde.
“No,” Jake repeats. He splashes Hyde, who doesn’t even flinch. “I can’t! That’s gross!”
Hyde has been unrelenting today, hardly even waiting until you and Ruth were out of earshot before peppering Jake with questions about Emmaline--not polite ones, either.
“Fine. If you won’t tell me if the carpets match the drapes, then at least tell me what it was like? What did it look like? Smell like?” When Jake grimaces, shaking his head at Hyde, Hyde throws his arms up in exasperation. “You’re just bein’ selfish, man!”
Jake barks out a laugh, crossing his arms.
“You’re bein’ a creep,” Jake points out.
It isn’t just because Jake truly doesn’t know how to describe Emmaline Odette’s body, which he has not thought about even once since graduation night, but it’s that it makes the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. When he thinks about some guy talking about any of his sisters like that, even Harper, it makes his belly turn. Even the thought of some guy talking about you like that makes his blood feel hot--hotter than he cares to admit.
So, he won’t say anything to Hyde about Emmaline. Not the color of her pubic hair or the color of her nipples or the smell of her cunt or the cut of her underwear. Even as Hyde grumbles and rolls his eyes, splashing Jake, he won’t say a word.
“Hyde, just fuck someone,” Jake says, eyes wide. “It ain’t that hard!”
Hyde scoffs.
“Easy for you to say!” Hyde complains, flinging his fiery locks back. His skin, which is as pristine as snow, is beginning to pinken on his shoulders and nose. “You’re a fuckin’ human Ken doll. I’m Ronald McDonald!”
Jake laughs softly.
“I pegged you more of a Carrot Top,” Jake chides.
Scrawny chest puffed, Hyde flips Jake off. Then he turns towards where you and Ruth are reclining on the bank, squinting in the sun.
“Ladies!”
You and Ruth grumble in unison, not lifting your heads.
Jake is watching fondly, content in letting his eyes wander across all your skin on display, goosing in the sun as it dries. He can see right through your light blue panties, can see the swell of your rear and the little star-shaped birthmark on your left cheek. He’s always known that it’s there, having run around naked with you all the time when you were little--but now he’s more acquainted with it. He’s run his fingers over it, memorizing its placement, tracing it.
“Who’re you calling ladies? Us?” You call back.
“Oh, shut up!” Hyde calls back. “Do I look like Carrot Top?”
Ruth doesn’t dignify Hyde with a response. But you sit up, craning your neck and squinting at Hyde, who’s shielding his eyes as he looks at you. You see Jake watching you, too, further behind Hyde. His body is glowing, his skin already tanned from the sun, and he is smiling at you like he’s seen you naked; which he has.
“Mmm, no,” you call. Hyde smiles. “I think you look like Chucky!”
Ruth snaps up, grinning.
“That’s so true!”
“Y’all’re walkin’ home,” Hyde grumbles, not really meaning it. “I mean it!”
Later on, after the sun has come and gone and the fireflies begin to float from wildflower to tree branch, the lot of you pass around a joint before loading into Rusty. You’re all giggly, your limbs heavy and your eyes half-shut. All of you have to work tomorrow but are unwilling to let the day end. Even as the heat fades the crickets start to chirp, the four of you amble around Silverkeep, serenely watching the night close in on you as Rusty sputters and moseys down the road.
Jake’s holding onto your bare thigh, fingering the hem of your oversized shorts, resting his head against yours. Faintly, he can hear you humming along to the radio, which is playing Goodnight California by Kathleen Edwards.
You’re the kind of high that makes everything feel good: the wind blowing through your curls, Jake’s warm palm on your thigh, the heaviness of his head on yours, the rumble of the engine on your bottom, the music tickling your ears, the hum in your throat.
Jake is finishing up a cigarette, the gross American Spirits he doesn’t really like, taking shallow drags and ashing the cigarette on the side of the truck. You’ve already smoked two since leaving the spring, bumming a light off Jake.
“So, when you imagine it--how do you, like, see it?”
You’re talking about having sex for the first time.
Shrugging, you sigh.
“M’not sure,” you say honestly, chewing your bottom lip. “Honestly haven’t put much thought into it.”
“Well,” Jake says, “think about it now.”
Smiling, you close your eyes. When you imagine it, all you can imagine is Jake. Just him and you, alone together, pressing into each other. You don’t care where and you don’t care when--so long as he’s there and you’re there, that’s all that matters. And ever since the night you were pelted with a baseball, when you two almost had sex, you’ve thought about having sex incessantly. Opening your legs, holding him between your thighs, feeling him fill you, letting his lips attach to your throat.
Even now, it makes your thighs clench.
Jake watches your brows pull together as he stubs his cigarette out and flicks it out the side of the truck. Before he can stop himself, he cups your cheek, letting his thumb press against your lower lip. He feels the stretch of your smile against his palm and something inside of him softens immensely.
“S’just us, mustang,” you answer with a sigh, peering at him. His eyes are calm, swimming with affection. “That’s all I can see.”
He nods.
“You’re easy to please,” he says. “That’s new.”
You laugh, eyes bleary, but suddenly stop when Ruth knocks on the window a few times. She’s annoyed, you can tell, her lips flat and her eyes drooping.
“Hyde wants to play critter-critter,” she yells through the glass. “I said we can take a vote.”
“I’ll play,” Jake calls to Ruth.
She looks at you, pleading. But you’re grinning at her.
“Sorry, Ruth!”
Ruth flips the two of you off, huffing and sinking into her seat. She glances at Hyde, who is laughing dryly at her reaction.
“You ain’t gettin’ me naked, Hyde Darren,” Ruth says sternly. “I don’t care how much roadkill we pass.”
You’ve all played this before--everyone in Silverkeep has--but this is the first time you and Jake have played since becoming involved with each other intimately. It makes excitement bubble up in both of you, your bellies warm. Jake squeezes your thigh and you move into him.
“Y’all remember the rules?” Hyde calls.
“See a dead animal, take an article of clothin’ off,” you say flatly. “Ain’t that hard to recollect.”
Hyde flips you the bird, quickly turning down Slaughter Road--which is ironically the most popular place to play critter-critter given its high volume of roadkill.
Under the vast open sky and the bright moon, you’re all stripped down to your underwear again four miles down the road. The air is still warm enough that you’re not chilled, but even if it were the dead of winter--you’d be warm just from the heat of Jake’s body pressed against yours. All that endless skin that you two have become acquainted with more intimately in the last month is on display in the bed of the truck, tempting and unrelentingly beautiful.
You and Jake aren’t even looking for the roadkill, only knowing to take another article off whenever Hyde calls out raccoon! or squirrel! Ruth has her arms crossed over her chest, a perpetual frown staining her lips. She hates this game, especially playing with Hyde since he seems to constantly chide her for the blush that stains her breasts. Her only solace is imagining that Alma is here.
“And when you think about it…” you start softly, resting your cheek against the window of the cab as Jake gazes at you. “You imagine what?”
Jake hums.
He thinks about making it special for you, thinks about money never being an issue. The champagne, the motel room, the rose petals, the low lights, the music. He would do it for you if he could; maybe he wouldn’t have to say he loved you out loud, then. Maybe you would just know. Things would be easier if you just knew--he wouldn’t feel so scared all the time.
When your palm starts to slide up his thigh, very slowly, he doesn’t move out of your touch. He just lets it happen, lets his throat grow tight and his lungs fill up. He’s painfully attracted to you, even just sitting here in the rusted truck, even just seeing you sit there in that underwear that he’s seen you wear dozens of times.
“Same as you, I guess,” he answers, clearing his throat when he hears how thin his voice sounds. “Me and you. A condom. Preferably a bed.”
You laugh.
“Whose bed?” You ask. “Mine or yours?”
Jake shrugs, swallowing hard when your palm grazes the hem of his boxers.
“Don’t care,” he answers. He means it. His brain is growing foggy as you move your hand higher and higher, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. “What’re you doin’, girl?”
Instead of answering, you just rest your cheek on his shoulder, looking down his sinewy chest and watching your hand climb his thigh until it’s resting just near his cock. You can tell that he’s turned on--the faintest imprint of his hardening cock visible in the moonlight. And he’s swallowing roughly, wrapping his arm around your waist and resting his palm on your belly to hold you close.
“Should I stop?” You whisper to him, grazing the head of his cock with your pinkie. Your touch is criminally light; it leaves Jake reeling for a moment, eyes narrowed and breathing shallow. “Cause I will if you want me to.”
“No,” he answers thinly. His fingers dig into your ribs and you smile--you like to be held tight like this. “Keep goin’.”
So, you do.
You let your whole hand slide over his cock and by the time you do, Jake is fully hard. You’ve learned that it doesn’t take much to get him going, not at all. He’s good at staying still, anchoring himself to you and breathing harshly through his nose as you slowly palm him.
Touching him is something you’ve grown to thoroughly enjoy. You like it, really. You like everything about it. The way his thighs tense, the way his grip intensifies, the way he pants, the little sounds that sometimes fall from his lips, the warmth of his cock.
“Fuck,” Jake whispers, his voice almost lost to the wind that’s rushing past you. “Fuck, you’re gettin’ good at this, Filly.”
“I thought I was a natural?” You ask, not pausing in your movements.
He hisses when you suddenly move your hand inside his underwear and hold him, your hand soft and your grip meaningful.
“You are,” he says, voice strained. “Jesus, you are.”
“Takin’ the Lord’s name in vain,” you tut. Swiftly, you bring your hand to your mouth and spit in it before returning to your previous movements. Jake is groaning softly, making sure to keep his body still to not rouse any suspicion. “And he ain’t even the one givin’ you a handjob.”
Ruth and Hyde are completely in the dark--literally and figuratively. Hyde is too busy making the turns and scouring the side of the road for more carcasses. Ruth is too busy grumbling and sinking herself lower in the seat. And, anyway, if they were checking in on you two, they would only see your silhouettes in the night. Even then, only your shoulders and heads.
“Fuck,” Jake whispers quietly. “Please, go faster.”
Just then, a Hyde thumps on the back window. You jump, but don’t move your hand away from Jake.
“Squirrel!” He calls.
Jake’s eyes are hooded as he looks at you, his cheeks practically glowing in the dark.
And instead of you taking your bra off, of taking your hand away from Jake’s cock that is weeping for you, he takes hold of your straps and pushes them off your shoulders. Now you’re the one blushing, your breathing hitched. He pushes the cotton bra all the way down until it’s resting in the middle of your belly--your breasts goose when the night air brushes you, your nipples hardening.
You’re languidly stroking Jake now, not breaking your gaze from his.
“If we were alone, I’d kiss you right now,” he says, voice thin.
You shudder at the mere mention of his lips on yours.
“Would you?” You quietly ask.
He’s looking at your mouth now, parted and quivering.
“I’d kiss you so hard you’d forget your name,” he says.
When he’s sure that Hyde and Ruth can’t see what the two of you are doing, he lets his palm slide up, up, up your belly and then come down over your breast. It takes everything in your body not to tip your head back and moan, takes everything in your body to maintain your gaze on his when he starts to pinch your nipple lightly.
“What else would you do?” You ask. Your voice is quivering, your thighs beginning to quake. You’re wet--the kind of wet only Jake has been able to make you. “Tell me.”
“I’d do this,” Jake whispers, his own breathing faltering as you quicken your pace, pushing his underwear down to his mid-thighs.
His hand sinks down your body until he’s between your legs, basking in the warm wetness that has grown there. He presses down against you, only a thin layer of jersey between your cunt and his fingers.
You have to swallow a moan--a big and loud one, one that would echo along the desolate farm houses and all the black cherry trees that line the lonesome road. He lets his fingers wriggle under your panties and he’s against your cunt now, pressing his fingers against your wetness, gathering it on his fingers.
You slump against him, breathing shakily, and keep pumping his cock.
He buries his nose in your hair, drunk on oranges.
“If we were alone, I’d bury my face between your legs,” Jake promises in a tense, hushed tone. He is meeting your strokes with his own hips, chasing a high that is steadily approaching. “I’d lick every inch of you, Filly.”
Swallowing hard, you turn so your open mouth is against his shoulder. He still tastes like springwater when you let your tongue dance along the surface of his skin, biting down gently.
He presses a finger into you--not too much, not too hard, not too deep. Just up to his first knuckle, just to warm you up to the idea of penetration. He cups you so the heel of his palm grazes your clit each time he pumps his finger inside of you, slowly letting your arousal coat his finger before he presses you any further.
Pleasure is bursting through both your bodies, blushing your chests and widening your eyes. You want nothing more than to kiss him, than to be kissed by him, but you’re going fifty miles per hour down a dark dirt road in the back of a pickup truck--you can’t kiss him now.
“Is this alright?” He asks, pressing his middle finger into you.
The stretch burns for a moment, makes you hiss and moan, but then you’re overwhelmed with pleasure. It’s the kind that tickles your scalp, curls your toes. You can do nothing but nod, not trusting your own voice.
“Fuck,” he whispers to you, nose still buried in your hair. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”
“If we were alone, I’d suck you dry,” you whisper to him, your voice almost carried away by the wind.
But he hears it. And like it’s some sort of magic phrase, he cums instantly. Without warning, without so much as a moment’s notice, his hips flex up into your grip. Streams of cum spurt over your hand and his thigh. He curses, hissing into your locks.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he whispers, panting. His eyes are squeezed shut and his hand has stilled, his finger still inside you. “I didn’t even know, it just happened--!”
“S’fine,” you tell him, really meaning it. You’re smiling. “I don’t mind one bit. Honest.”
And since there are no articles of clothing either of you are willing to stain with cum, Jake watches as you bend down and hastily lick his thighs and your hand clean. It’s bitter on your tongue, still warm, but not unpleasant. You’ve had worse in your mouth--much worse.
He feels like he could cum again watching you lick your palm.
“Do you even know how fuckin’ hot you are?” It falls from his lips before he can stop it--not that you mind.
You swallow thickly as Jake pulls his hands away from your cunt.
“No,” you answer honestly. You’re not fishing for a compliment, for anything. You just really don’t know how hot you are. “But you make me feel good about myself.”
A certain truthfulness has fallen between the two of you, filling up the little space that resides between your warm bodies.
He kisses your scalp a few times, letting his lips linger there. He wishes that he could hold you. He wishes that he could pull you onto his lap and gather you up and stroke your hair and let you close your eyes. But he knows that now isn’t the time.
“You should always feel good about yourself,” he mutters. “You’re fuckin’ perfect, Filly.”
You both startle when Hyde suddenly slams his fist on the window.
“Deer! That means we’ve all gotta fuck!”
Your cheeks are bright red, but you laugh when you hear the smack that Ruth delivers to the back of Hyde’s neck.
A couple days later, on an unreasonably hot afternoon, you come home with a chiffon dress tucked inside a Goodwill bag. You’re sweating, your hair thrown up into something resembling a knot on the back of your head, as you tear through the front door and into the hot house.
“You’re lettin’ all the cold air out!” Your mama hisses from her spot on the couch beside your father. “Close the door!”
Even your mama is pissy in this heat, clipping her pretty hair up and breaking out her church fan. She’s even resorted to wearing one of her shorter dresses, which she usually reserves for special outings.
Your daddy is sitting beside her, smiling at your excited form as you slam the front door and bound into the house, the trailer practically shaking underneath your feet.
“Got my dress for Harper’s weddin’,” you sing-song, planting yourself between the television set and the coffee table. “And it was blue tag!”
Your daddy whistles, feigning impression.
“40% off?” He asks, combing his fingers through his locks. “Aren’t you a bargain buster!”
You keen at the praise, mockingly curtseying with all the grace of a newborn fawn. Sweat is covering every inch of your body and even the breeze was too warm on the way home to cool you off. On the handlebars of Jake’s bike, you’d moaned on and on about how hot you were, your collar dampening. And it is not any better in here.
“Well, get to it!” Your mama says. “Show us!”
Dumping the back upside down, you pull the dress from the bag and proudly hold it up. It’s teal, ruffles over the breasts that lead into a smooth and straight line all the way to the bottom of the skirt where more ruffles are sewn. It’s long, just brushing your ankles, and the straps are thin.
Pulling her brows together, your mama nods, chewing a smile. She’s almost certain she wore a dress just like that to her prom--which feels like a very long time ago.
“Well, that’s real pretty, Filly-billy,” your daddy grins, nodding. “You’re gonna look like such a lady!”
“Is it…” your mother searches for the right word, selecting her vocabulary carefully, “vintage?”
You nod.
It’s definitely old. It smells like it--like moth balls and dust.
“Yeah,” you answer. You hold it against your body and smooth your palms over the fabric carefully. “Jake found it lyin’ in a bin in the corner.”
“That’s sure lucky,” your daddy grins. “Why don’t you go and try it on for us?”
You hurry off, a grin pinching your cheeks.
Your mama sighs, glancing at your daddy.
“Don’t say it,” your daddy says, crossing his arms and sighing. He won’t look at your mama, who is most certainly staring at him with an exasperated expression. “Hush now, woman.”
Your mama leans into his field of vision, a frown firmly planted on her lips.
“That is the ugliest damn dress I’ve ever seen in my life,” your mama hisses. She keeps fanning herself as she widens her eyes and gestures wildly.
“It ain’t that bad,” your daddy says.
“We can’t let her go to the weddin’ like that,” your mama insists, voice flat and serious.
Your daddy scoffs.
“And what’s the alternative?” He asks. “Wanna take my credit card and run her down to Goldman Sachs? ‘Cause that ain’t happenin’.”
Your mama’s lips quiver as she purses them.
“That ain’t fair,” she says softly.
Your daddy sighs, pain spreading across his chest.
“I know it ain’t,” your daddy says quietly. He settles into the sofa, ignoring the sweat dripping down his forehead, and crosses his arms. “And it ain’t fair that we don’t got air conditionin’ and it ain’t fair we can’t send Filly to college and it ain’t fair that you gotta work so hard. But we do. That’s just the way it is.”
Your mama wrinkles her nose.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m not the one signin’ the checks,” she hisses. “There’s gotta be someway we can get her a new dress--a cheap one, not even twenty dollars.”
Your daddy shakes his head. Money’s tight--money is always tight.
“She bought a perfectly fine dress that she likes,” he says softly. “If I could give that kid a million dollars, I would. But I can’t. So I’ll let her wear the damn dress she bought and tell her she looks real pretty in it.”
When you come out of the bathroom, the dress on your form, you’re grinning. It’s a bit too big over your chest and a bit too loose around your waist, but you like it. You like that it feels like it’s been worn already, like that you can still smell someone’s closet on the fabric.
“Oh, you’re just darlin’,” your daddy grins. His eyes are shining with delight as you mockingly twirl around the cramped living room, the dress swiftly following you. “Look how damn pretty she is, honey.”
Your mama is nodding, her lips tight as she smiles.
“We’ll belt it,” your mama says. “Pin the straps. It’ll fit just fine, then.”
You don’t hardly care, still dancing around in the dress before them as a Nascar race drones on in the background.
“I like it how it is,” you say indignantly, balling all the material in your hands and swaying.
Your mama just bites her tongue.
“So, Jake went with you?” Your daddy asks.
You nod.
“He had to get new shoes for school,” you answer.
But then you’re swallowing hard, your movements faltering. Your parents watch you deflate before their very eyes, your shoulders slumping and your lips frowning. You try to shake it off, try to grin your way out of the thought of Jake leaving, but it’s suddenly sitting in the room bigger than the three of you combined.
Your mama cuts the silence, setting her church fan on the coffee table.
“When’s he go?” She asks.
You hum, chewing the inside of your lip.
“August,” you answer.
“Soon,” your mama says. “Have you thought about what you’re gonna do when he’s gone?”
She’s asking because she knows that you haven’t. You’re her daughter, which means she knows that you will avoid facing certain realities for as long as you can take it. If you don’t want to face the music, you won’t until it is statistically impossible.
“Yeah,” you lie, rolling your eyes.
Your daddy can feel where this is heading. He sighs deeply, eyes heavy.
“Don’t lie to your mama,” she says, eyebrow perched. “That’ll send you straight to Hell.”
You scoff.
“Can’t we have one conversation where you don’t tell me I’m goin’ to Hell?” You ask. You and your mama have had plenty of conversation where she didn’t tell you that you were going to Hell.
But you’re pissed now.
“Christ alive,” your father mutters, sending a pointed look to your mother.
But she isn’t looking at him, her eyes trained on your still form.
“Well, can’t we have one conversation where you don’t lie?”
“You don’t know if I’m lyin’,” is your only retort, your brows furrowed. “And anyway, what would I think about?”
Your heart is racing, blood coursing through your veins suddenly ice cold. You don’t want to talk about this. It’s only June. It’s only June. It’s only June.
“Livin’ without him,” your mama answers, her voice flat. “Cause you’re gonna have to learn, girl. You won’t have the time or money to be goin’ up to Austin every weekend.”
Red paints your cheeks and neck.
“I never said I was goin’ to Austin every weekend,” you say, fists clenched.
Your mother nods once sharply.
“Right, but that’s what you wanna do, right?”
You say nothing.
“You’ve known him your whole life, Filly,” your mother says, laughing dryly. “And this is gonna be the first time he’s not a mile and a half away from you. You’re gonna have to face up to that eventually.”
Frustration sits thickly on your tongue.
“I will!” You insist, throwing your hands up in the air. “I have!”
“What’d I say about lyin’?” Your mama hisses.
“You’re just tryin’ to upset me,” you accuse your mama, suddenly feeling very silly to be standing in your long dress on such a hot day and such a little trailer.
“Why would I want to upset you?” Your mother asks tiredly.
Narrowing your eyes at her, you cross your arms over your chest.
Your daddy knows better than to pipe up right now, knows better than to take sides. But dammit if you and your mama aren’t spitting images of each other right now, down to the shade of pink on your cheeks and the crinkle between your brows.
“You’re always upsettin’ me,” you answer.
Your mama rolls her eyes.
“Oh, I don’t have that patience for the melodrama today, Filly,” she insists, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just knock it off.”
“You’re always tellin’ me what to do!” You accuse. You’re pissed now, triggered at the sheer mention of Jake leaving. “And you’re always needlin’ me!”
Your mama scoffs, planting her feet on the dingy carpet.
“I am not needlin’ you,” she says. She points her index finger at you, eyes narrowed. “And you’re livin’ under my roof, and you came out of my body, which gives me all the right in the world to tell you what to do!”
This happens often with you and your mother: the relationship is a difficult one. You’re very similar to your mother, in terms of likeness and temper. But in all the ways that you’re unlike her, which is mostly your spitfire, her authority rears and so does your attitude.
“I didn’t choose to come out of your body!” You shout.
“Don’t shout in the house,” your daddy says calmly, giving you a curt nod.
You listen, immediately stiffening your spine.
“So, your daddy tells you what to do and you just do it, no questions asked?” Your mama asks, her eyes suddenly glassy. “But I tell you to do somethin’ and you stand here arguin’ with me?”
You blink at her.
This is a sore spot for her. You’ve always been a daddy’s girl--from the moment you were born, all you wanted was him. You would breastfeed then wail until she placed you in your daddy’s arms. You only wanted him to read your bedtime stories, only wanted him to walk you to school, only wanted him to pack your lunches.
“Now, wait a second here,” your daddy tries, resting his hand on your mama’s forearm. “Let’s just calm down--!”
Your mama pulls herself out of his grip and swiftly stomps to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.
Your daddy sighs, glancing at you with a frown before shrugging.
You shrug back.
He nods to the empty spot on the couch beside him and you amble over, sinking down in the cushions. The springs cry and the volume of the television suddenly seems too loud without all the shouting to mask it. Zooming cars, exciting commentators.
You watch in silence with your dad for a while, both of you ignoring the state your mama left the room in. There’s an unspoken, unbreakable bond between you and your father. One that your mama is always gonna be on the outside of.
“You’re gonna let your mama pin that dress and get you a belt,” he says, his tone even and calm. “And she don’t mean it in a bad way when she pokes you. It’s just her way, Filly-billy. It’s what she does.”
You sigh, fidgeting with the skin around your thumbnails.
“Okay,” you whisper.
Your daddy nods, not dragging his eyes away from the racetrack.
“She loves you,” he says softly.
“I know.”
He sighs.
“And you’re gonna be just fine when Jake leaves,” your daddy promises. He doesn't know if it’s the truth, but he feels better telling you that. “We’ll get you down to Austin whenever we can, alright? And ain’t no way he won’t come home to visit Franny on the weekends. S’all gonna work out.”
You don’t say anything at all, staring down at the ruffles at your ankles.
Silently, he puts his arm around you and pulls you into his side. You relax against him, his t-shirt soft beneath your cheek. The scent of hair pomade and leather is thick on his skin--it’s a smell that makes you feel like going to sleep, a smell that makes you feel like your belly is full.
“It’s a beautiful dress,” he tells you. He kisses the top of your head. “Your mama likes it, too.”
“Really?” You ask, voice muffled.
He nods, biting his lip hard.
“I ain’t shittin’ you,” he says.
He hates lying to you. But then he feels that smile pinch your cheeks, feels you settle into him further, and he knows that sometimes he's gotta lie to you. Just to smooth the wrinkles between you and your mama. Just to keep the peace.
Because as much as you butt heads with your mama, you are keen to please her as often as possible in whatever ways you can.
✯ 𝐚/𝐧: yes, critter-critter is a real game!! no, I've never played it!
✯ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫
✯ 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝
✯ 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✯ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬:
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✯ 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝/𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬, 𝐃𝐌 𝐦𝐞!
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