#plus I’ll have like zero time for those AND my fics once school picks up again

[decembermoonskz]

*lies down and thinks*

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Seventy-Two

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, and angst if you squint. 

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

You and Eleanor sat out on the balcony for a bit while so Harry and Louis could go hang out up in the loft and talk pictures and cameras and stuff.

“You look great, El.”

“Thanks, just wish I felt great.” She laughs. “I was hopin’ I’d be one of those pregnant women that only gain weight in the belly. Feel like everythin’ else is growin’ with it.” She sighs. “Although, I’ll say I’m startin’ to feel less gross now. At least you can tell I’m pregnant and not just fat.” You both laugh.

“You know Harry talks about wanting a baby all the time. He’s cooled it a bit now that we have Buster. I feel like he thinks the whole process is going to be a breeze.”

“Well of course he does, he’s a man. His hormones don’t get thrown out of wack, his body gets to stay the way it is, oh and after the only thing he gets to have happen to him as that he’ll be tired. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve read so many disgusting stories about after havin’ the baby. The things they don’t really tell you. Like rippin’ all the way open to your arse, and what’s it’s like to really go to the bathroom for the first time. Your body is tryin’ to recover, meanwhile you’re expected to take of this new thing that just came outta yeh. Fuck’n terrifyin’.”

“Can I ask…I mean, was this planned, did you two have a slip up?”

“A mix of both actually. I had gotten off the pill because I knew we’d be wantin’ t’try in the next year or so and I just wanted to give my body some time to adjust. So naturally we switched to condoms.” She takes a sip of her water. “Lou, god love ‘em, didn’t notice that one of ‘em broke while we were usin’ it, I didn’t either. Next thing we knew I was throwin’ up most mornings and when we took the test sure enough it said I was pregnant. Broke his heart to move the date back for the wedding, but I refuse to either still be pregnant or have this nasty baby weight on me.”

“I don’t blame you at all. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, you don’t wanna look back on the photos and be unhappy.”

“Exactly! I know I’ve been snippy with him lately, and he’s been so patient and understanding. With his ex he was the same way, probably more so, so she wouldn’t snatch Freddie away. Not that she would, but it was always in the back of his head.”

“Harry told me he talks to the baby every night.”

“Oh, he does.” She chuckles. “It’s actually really cute. He’ll help me rub some cocoa butter on, it’s to help with the stretch marks, and then he’ll hum and chat with it.”

“Are you going to wait to see what you’re having?”

“Yeah, we really wanna be surprised. No one does that anymore. Everyone’s doin’ these gender reveal parties now, and I really don’t like ‘em. You’re already determining the kid’s life and personality before it gets here.”

“I agree, they’re way over done.”

“Love?” Louis steps outside with Harry. “We should probably get goin’, wanna beat the traffic and all that.”

“Alright.” He comes over to help her up, not that she needed it. “You boys have fun lookin’ at your cameras?”

“Yup.” He smiles at her. “Thanks again for havin’ us.”

“You’ll stay with us again for the studio opening?” Harry asks. Louis freezes and looks at you.

“Um, I think Niall called dibs on us for that. Gotta take turns y’know?” He laughs.

“Oh…alright then.”

The two leave. You and Harry flop on the sofa with Buster.

“Poor thing, she’s not having an easy time.”

“Yeah, Lou was tellin’ me a bit this morning…they haven’t had sex in nearly two months.”

“Can you blame her? She feels disgusting. God, I’d probably feel the same way. Having literally no control over the way your body changes every day. Not to mention the bump getting in the way all of a sudden. I’d feel like I was crushing you.” Harry swallows hard, his anxiety returning. “Not to mention the resentment.” You laugh.

“Resentment?”

“Yeah, you know the cliché, you did this to me?” You laugh again, but his face stays solid.

“Do you really think it’s that bad the entire time?”

“No…I mean, everyone’s different. I know people who have had really easy pregnancies, but it’s not perfect one-hundred percent of the time. I’m sure things will get better, she’s just starting her second trimester, I heard that’s when things sort of level out.”

“Right…” He looks at Buster and pets him. “Glad we have this little guys for now. He’s all we need for the time being.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

“Can I ask an awkward question?”

“Sure.”

“Erica and Kyle…I mean…that was a weird thing to bring up yesterday.”

“Oh god, I know.”

“I mean, not that I expect you guys to talk about your sex lives, but they thought I was chokin’ yeh to hurt yeh…”

“Yeah, they’re idiots.” You sigh. “We also grew up in sort of a strict home…sort of conservative about certain things. We watched movies that had sex and stuff in it, but I never had like a talk with my parents about it. And anytime I wanted to talk with Erica I just felt awkward. And god know Bridget had no experience. I learned most of what I learned from reading shit on the internet. Plus, I was always nervous with boys in high school. That first kiss story? I was fourteen right? Didn’t kiss another boy until I was seventeen, about to graduate from high school. Then, the next person I kissed was the guy I first had sex with nearly two years later. Did everything for the first time all in one night.” Harry nods. “See, I feel like I was the only one that was able to really explore sex because I was the only one to go away to school. Bridget and Kyle commuted. He had a couple girlfriends, but my parents made him sleep on the couch if he wanted one of them to sleepover.”

“Ah, classic.”

“As if my brother would do anything, his room was right next to my parents’.” You laugh. “And Erica’s been with her boyfriend for nearly ten years. I mean she had a few different boyfriends in high school, but she was locked down when she went to college. And then there was me…”

“You know, you’ve never told me your number.”

“And you’ve never told me yours. It’s not something I think we need to share. The guy I first slept with was the only guys I slept with for about four months. It was just a sex thing. He, however, had a few girls on rotation.” You roll your eyes at the memory. “Things ended in a bad way, it was messy. After that I got a Tinder and I started hooking up all the time. Had a few little relationships here and there, but nothing serious. I think my siblings would be shocked if they knew about all the shit I did, who I did it with, and where it was done.” You say blushing. “I basically told Erica she just needs to mind her own business, and that was that.”

“Good, because I don’t need anyone shamin’ us. There’s worse things we could be doin’ anyways.”

“Yeah, cause you know, anal totally isn’t worse than lightly choking someone.” Harry bursts out laughing and pulls you on top of him snuggle.

“Nope, not worse at all.”

//

“Bug spray?”

“Check.”

“Sun screen?”

“Check.”

“Water bottle?”

“Check.”

“Inhaler?”

“Check.”

“Sleeping bag?”

“Check.”

“Deo-“

“Babe, I promise, I got all my toiletries.”

“You’re going to be up in New Hampshire for two nights with probably zero cell service, I need to make sure you’re alright and have everything you need.”

He cups your face in his hands and kisses you.

“You’re gonna miss me a little, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” You pout. “I’m just glad Buster’s staying here with me, I’ll have someone to cuddle.”

“What are you and the girls doin’?”

“Well, they’re setting up shop here, in the guest room. We’re gonna do some face masks, nails, watch a ton of movies. It’ll be fun.”

“Good.” Harry looks at his watch. “Nearly eight, I gotta get this shit in the car and head out with Niall.”

“I’ll walk down with you, Buster probably needs to pee again. C’mon baby, let’s go say bye to daddy.” You pus the leash on him and walk down. Sarah was with Niall at Harry’s car.

“You’re never on time for anythin’.” Niall laughs.

“Alright, have a safe trip and a good time. If you have service, let us know when you get there.” Sarah says to Niall. They kiss and he gets in the car.

Harry gives Buster a hug, then looks at you.

“I love you, be good.” He says. You fake gasp.

“I am always on my best behavior.”

“With those two, oh yeah, for sure.”

“Love you too.”

He wraps his arms around you and gives you a deep kiss. You bite his bottom lip before he lets you go.

“Right.” He coughs. “Uh, bye.”

He gets into the car and drives off.

“You two…are disgusting.” Sarah laughs.

“Stop, we are not.” You sigh.

“Did you tell him we’re going out tonight?”

“You know, it slipped my mind.”

“I didn’t tell Niall either.”

“Come on, I’ll make us some breakfast, Rachel will be over later this afternoon.”

//

Harry and Niall mostly listen to music on the drive up. They pick Louis up on the way.

“What’s El up to this weekend?” Niall asks.

“Her mum’s actually visiting this weekend, so this couldn’t have come at a better time.” He laughs. “They’re talkin’ about havin’ her stay with us for a bit once the baby’s born.” He sighs. “Wouldn’t be the end of the world, but still.”

The three have a nice ride up to the campground. All the talk is pretty lighthearted. Harry pays to park, and one of the rangers tells them where they can set up. They find a nice spot that had a fire pit and they set up their tents.

“Harry, m’bunkin’ with yeh, I didn’t have a tent.” Louis says.

“Yeah, mate, no problem.”

The boys have lunch and decide to go for a walk. They knew they’d be sitting around doing a lot of drinking later, so the least they could do was walk around and enjoy the beautiful area there were in.

//

Rachel came over around three in the afternoon. You all decided to make frozen margaritas and sit out on the balcony listening to music.

“So, what’s Mariah up to this weekend?” You ask.

“She’s catching up with some of her own friends.” She says taking a sip of her cool drink. “God, I can’t wait to go to Seth’s tomorrow. Nothing like day drinking on a Sunday.”

“I know! And his apartment is so cool, heated pool and everything. It’s gonna be really hot out tomorrow, I’m definitely bringing my swim suit.”

“Plus, we’re going to that indoor/outdoor place tonight. I’m super excited.” You say.

“Did either of tell Harry and Niall about Seth?”

“You know…” Sarah says sipping her drink. “It didn’t come up.”

“Harry just let go of thinking something was happening between Niall and I, no way was I going to bring up going to a guy friend’s house party. Can we please just be careful with posting pictures?”

“I thought they weren’t going to have service.”

“Well, they could, and they could always see stuff later.” Sarah says.

“How sad that the two of you are afraid of your boyfriends…”

“We’re not afraid of them.” You say.

“Sometimes it’s just easier to leave certain things out.”

//

A little before dusk, Harry and the boys got a fire started. The cracked open their beers and snacked on chips. Louis took a joint out of his bag.

“Lads?”

“Pass it over.” Niall says and takes a hit. “Harry?”

“Sure.” He takes it. “Can’t remember the last time I smoked.” He smirks and takes a hit, then passes it back to Louis.

“Got plenty for the weekend. Haven’t been able to smoke since El got pregnant.”

“Can’t mention this to the girls at all.” Niall says. “I know it’s just weed, but I think Sarah would kill me.”

“Same with Y/N, I don’t think she’s kill me, but it’s just better if it stays between us.”

“What happens in New Hampshire, stays in New Hampshire.” Louis says.

Eventually all the boys themselves laying on the ground, looking up the stars, staying cozy by the fire.

“We hikin’ tomorrow?” Louis asks.

“Definitely, lotta great trails around here.” Niall says.

“Lou, are you scared to be a dad again?” Harry asks out of nowhere. Louis props himself up on his elbows so he can better look at his friend.

“What? Not really, no. It’s a little scary I suppose that I’ll be doin’ it full time. And I’m a little scared that Freddie’s gonna think I’m replacin’ him…but not scared to be a dad again.”

“Does Freddie know he’s gonna be a big brother?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, we told him a few weeks ago. He said he’s excited to have someone to play with.” He smiles. “Bri took it really well too. I think she’s happy he’ll be a big brother too.”

“It’s nice you all have gotten to a point where you all can get along.” Harry says.

“I mean, I walk on eggshells with Bri, but I’d rather do that than fight with her.” He takes a sip of his drink. “How’s havin’ a dog goin’?”

“Oh, it’s great. Think it’s just what we needed. I think it’s added a little more structure to our daily routines. Like we have to get up and take him out, stuff like that.”

“They call each other mummy and daddy.” Niall says laughing.

“A lot of people do that with their pets, don’t make fun of him. So, uh, when else does she call you daddy?” He smirks and Harry nudges him.

“She doesn’t.” He laughs.

“I still can’t believe you’ve made a life with someone. When yeh told me you were seein’ someone and already asked her to be your girlfriend, I was shocked, but really happy for you.”

“I don’t know what it was, I feel like I found my soulmate or some shit.” Harry sits up and starts sniffling. The other two sit up as well.

“Now I remember why you stopped smokin’, yeh always cry when yeh have too much.” Niall says, giving him a pat on the back.

“Shut up.” He sniffles.

“Why are you cryin’?” Louis asks, putting his hand on his knee.

“I’ve just never said that out loud to anyone before.” He wipes his eyes. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, it’s fuckin’ terrifying.”

“Do you think she feels the same way, that you’re her soulmate?” Louis asks.

“She must, right? I know she sees a life with me or she wouldn’t have agreed to gettin’ a dog. I…you know she had a pregnancy scare a couple months ago, well sort of, she just missed one of her pills. And I really didn’t think it was a big deal, like if she got pregnant we would’ve just dealt with it, but now I’m sorta glad she didn’t. The whole thing seems really stressful.”

“It’s very stressful, mate. Worth it, but it’s not a movie. She’s got a nephew right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, enjoy just bein’ an uncle for a bit. Hell, enjoy bein’ an uncle to my kids. I know you’ve always wanted to be a dad, and you’ll be a great one when the time comes, but there’s really no rush.”

“I’m startin’ to see that…” Harry looks at Niall. “What about you, is Sarah your soulmate?”

“I don’t really believe in the soulmate thing.” He shrugs. “Do I think she’d make a great partner in life? Sure. I mean, I’m grateful every day we went out with the girls that night and we met. I enjoy spendin’ my free time with her, and we’re in love there’s no doubt about that.”

“Do you think you’ll marry her some day?”

“Too soon to tell, to be honest with yeh. You know me, I live in the present. I think once we’ve been together a year I’ll ask her to move in with me.”

“You two really are on opposite ends of the spectrum.”

“Yeah, and you’re right in the middle.” Harry jokes.

“Well, when are you poppin’ the question to Y/N, know you’ve thought about it. Surprised you don’t have the ring with yeh now.”

“It’s been purchased, and it’s in London. I plan to pick it up when I go home later in the summer. I’m waitin’ for us to be together a year before I ask. Her family’s a little conservative, so I figure if we’ve been together a year, then no one can really tell us we’re movin’ too fast. Plus it takes like another year to actually get married with all the planning.”

“God, look at us. We’re so grown up.” Louis says. “It’s fuckin’ disgustin’.” They all laugh. “I mean really, if someone told me six years ago I’d be gettin’ ready to be a father of two, you’d be gettin’ ready to move in with a serious girlfriend, and you’d be just about on your knee ready to propose, I’d of laughed in their face.” They all laugh, but Harry feels tears prick at his eyes again.

“I just don’t want this to change. No matter how much we keep growin’ up, or no matter how busy we get with our own lives, we have to make time for this.” He says through sniffles. “She may be my soulmate, but you two are like…”

The both hug Harry. Nothing else needed to be said on that. The three of them loved each other, and they knew it.

//

The three of you had a great time at the bar. You didn’t stay out too late because you knew you’d be out all day tomorrow. The three of you camp out in the living room, which makes Buster very happy. You all decide to watch a movie and just snuggle up with each other like old times.

“Okay, now that we’re drunk, there’s been something I’ve been dying to ask.” Rachel says just as the movie starts.

“What’s that?” You ask.

“Well, Sarah’s told me all about her butt adventures with Niall…she let him get in there you know?”

“I do know, I also know she didn’t like it very much.”

“It was just incredibly awkward and embarrassing, but it’s shut him about it so we’re good.”

“The last time we talked about it you asked me how a strap worked…” She starts giggling.

“I think…I think that’s something that should remain private.” Rachel and Sarah squeal and giggle.

“That just means you used one!” Rachel says. “How often? Did he like it?”

“Guys…I really don’t think he’d appreciate me talking about it.”

“As if they’re not talking about. That’s what guys do when they’re alone, they share sex notes.” Sarah says. “You can’t possibly think they’re out there, laying under the stars having a deep conversation.”

“No…I suppose you’re right…okay, I’ll tell you a little bit, but please, it’s so personal…”

“We won’t say anything. Everything this weekend stays between us.” Rachel says.

“We’ve…done it a few times…it’s incredible. And he actually likes it, it feels good for him.”

“Obviously, once you get a man’s prostate in the mix, there’s no going back.” Rachel says.

“I was surprised, honestly. He took it so well. I told him he could be the one to ask for it after we first did it because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. He’s so cute, one time was like,” You look down and put your two index finger tips together, “got some more lube today, love.”  They both squeal.

“God, Harry is the shyest, cutest thing sometimes.” Sarah says.

“I wish Mariah was here, she tells the best stories about Harry. He has this really tough exterior, but he’s such a good person.”

“Yeah, he’d take the shirt off his back if someone needed it.” You smile.

“Now that he’s not sitting right here will you please tell us what the fuck was up with your neck last weekend?”

“Oh for the love of god, sometimes we choke each other, lightly, when we’re doing it. He happened to do it to me the night before the party and he didn’t take his rings off so they left bruises. Clearly I didn’t cover them up correctly.”

“Hot damn.” Sarah says. “You know I let Niall choke me sometimes, it’s pretty hot. It’s like just a little bit of pressure.”

“Exactly! And I do it to Harry too sometimes.”

“You choke him, you peg him, damn, he’s a trooper.” Rachel laughs.

“He does things to me too, it’s not all me. We’re just very comfortable with each other. I wouldn’t take Niall as the choking type.”

“The same could be said for you my friend.” Sarah says and you all giggle. “So…you have this apartment, you have a dog, when do you think he’s going to pop the question?”

“I have no idea, not anytime soon. I mean, I know it’ll happen eventually, but there’s no rush. I think we’re both happy with how things are right now.”

“How often do you talk about it?” Rachel asks.

“A little here and there. Like if I say if, he’ll always correct me and say when.” You start to tear up a bit. “I never thought…I never thought I’d ever be someone that someone else would want to marry and have a life with.” You full on start sobbing and the girls hold you. “Like…he’s my everything, you know? He’s truly my person. I never thought I’d get this lucky.”

“You deserve the whole world, Y/N.” Rachel says. “And Harry wants to give it to you, I know he does.” You look at her and smile.

“Yeah! And Niall says all the time that he’s never seen Harry like this with anyone. I think you two really sparked something within each other.”

Buster starts yipping and comes over to you. He licks on of your cheeks.

“Aw, mumma’s okay Buster.” You pull him into your lap.

The three of you talk a bit more, and then settle to watch the rest of the movie.

//

The next morning the boys get up early to go for a hike. Harry and Louis had shared a tent, and Louis’ laughter wakes Harry up.

“What?” He grumbles.

“Let me see, your head’s in my neck, and you’ve got an arm and a leg thrown over me. Someone miss their lady last night?”

“You know I’m a cuddly sleeper, this isn’t news.” He looks up at him. “What are yeh, suddenly not manly enough to have a cuddle with me?”

Louis wraps an arm around Harry and pulls him in closer. Niall unzips their tent and crawls in with them, going to Louis’ other side.

“Really glad this is a secluded area. Someone walkin’ by would think this is an orgy.” Niall jokes.

“Someone would just be jealous they couldn’t snuggle with three fine men such as ourselves. Now, I’ll give it five more minutes and then we need to get up.”

Harry took some pictures along the trail. He wondered if you’d ever go hiking with him. It took them about two hours to get the summit. They sit there for a while just taking in the view.

“Harry?” Louis asks.

“Yeah, mate?” Harry says, just biting into a banana.

“How do you think you’ll propose to Y/N when you do it? I feel like I had the campus thing with El planned for months.”

“I don’t know yet. I want her to feel really special, but I also want it to be a complete surprise, you know? I have a song in mind I’d like to have playin’ in the background, and I’ve thought a bit about what I might say, but I haven’t really thought of where yet.”

“You should recreate your first date.” Niall suggests.

“Can’t, she did that for my birthday. Besides, she’d suspect somethin’ was up.”

“True…you could tell her there’s some fancy party you have to go to so there’s your excuse to dress up. Oh! And you could just have her meet you wherever it is, so she could walk into the scene.”

“Wait, I’ve got it. Tell her you need her help for one of your freelance gigs. Then she won’t suspect a thing.” Louis says.

“That could actually work. I’d want it to be at night, outside I think. Lights strung up in some trees.” The three of them look off into the distance imagining it. “It’d be beautiful.”

//

The three of you head to Seth’s around noon. Your mom came over to watch Buster for the day. He’d be fine on his own, but you felt bad leaving him either way. The three of you looked cute, as always. You were wearing a pair of high waisted jean shorts, tennis shoes and a green crop top. Sarah had a casual sundress on, and Rachel had a pair of black shorts and blue crop top on. You all packed your bathing suits and towels, and headed out.

“Hey!” He says to you as you make your way to the backyard of his apartment. “It’s been forever!” He hugs all of you. “Help yourselves to whatever you want. You should know a few people here. Pool’s open and heated.”

“Seth, I brought some veggie burgers for myself for whenever you start grilling, where should I put them?”

“Toss them in that cooler near the grill.”

“Thanks.”

The truth was, both you and Sarah had slept with Seth in college, multiple times. It wasn’t weird for the three of you. A lot of time had passed, but the little memories still lingered.

The three of you start drinking and mingling with others at the party. Seth gets the grill going and he calls you over.

“Alright, how the fuck do I make these things?” He slings an arm over your shoulders.

“Well, and here’s the amazing part, there’s directions right on the package. Did you forget how to read, Sethy?” He rolls his eyes at you playfully.

“Okay smarty pants, can you read them to me while I get the other shit on here?”

“Sure.”

“Hey, smile you two!” You both turn around and smile at Sarah as she snaps a picture.

“Get in here too, selfie.” He says. Sarah holds up the phone and takes a selfie of the three of you.

“How are things with the two of you anyways?” He asks, throwing a veggie burger on the grill. “You both have jobs and boyfriends?”

“Yup! I’m a third grade teacher, and I’m dating one of Y/N’s best guy friends.”

“Yeah, and I work in marketing and I date my best guy friend’s guy friend.” You laugh. “What about you?”

“In between ladies at the moment, but I’ve got a good job so no complaints.” Rachel calls Sarah over for something, but you stay with Seth. “He treating you alright?”

“Yeah, his name is Harry by the way. Wanna see a picture?”

“Please, show me.” You smile and take out your phone. You show Seth some pictures of Harry and tell him all about him. “Seems like a great guy, Y/N.”

“He’s the best. I couldn’t be happier.”

“Well, I’m happy for you then. And for Sarah.” He smiles. “How about Rachel, how’s she?”

“She’s great. She’s dating Harry’s friend Mariah.”

“Wow, nice that all worked out.”

“Yeah!”

Later on, a ton of you get into the pool. Somehow you end up on Seth’s shoulders and you start playing chicken with some other friends. You were happy you wore your hair up in a bun. Sarah also took a turn on Seth’s shoulders while playing chicken. All in all it was a really great day.

You all dry off and change and hang out around the fire Seth started. One of his friends brought stuff to make s’mores. You couldn’t remember the last time you just shot the shit with your friends from college. It was nice.

//

Harry, Niall, and Louis found a bar to go have drinks at not too far from the campground. They were all looking to eat something a little more filling. Because they were at a restaurant, they all had wifi, so naturally they all started checking their phones.

“Who the fuck is Seth Rowan?” Harry asks.

“Who?”

“This guy, with his arms around Y/N and Sarah.” Harry shows Niall his phone. Another person had taken a picture of the three of you and tagged you in it.

“No idea, where’d you find that?”

“Facebook…I feel like I’ve seen his face before…” Harry goes onto your Instagram, and scrolls back deep. “Christ.” He runs his hand over his face and shows them. There was an old picture of you two kissing, on the mouth and the caption said, spin the bottle.

“Yikes…an ex-boyfriend?” Louis asks.

“No.” Niall says. “That’s an old friend from college. I actually think Sarah might’ve dated him.”

“Well, it fuckin’ looks like something happened. And they were all hanging out with him today. Did you know they were going to a party?”

“No, and clearly you didn’t either.”

“Maybe it was a last minute invite.”

“Or maybe they didn’t want us knowing they were…wait Rachel just posted on her story.”

Harry taps the video.

“You have to do it Y/N! You accepted the dare!”

“You all suck, fine!”

You get up and someone turns the music up louder. You turn around and bend over, shaking your ass. Then you pop your ass, twerking. You stand back up and take a bow as everyone cheers. You sit back down, wrapping yourself in a blanket.

“Hope you all enjoyed that. You’re next Rachel, truth or dare?”

The video ends and Harry’s left there, mouth hanging open.

“Oh…my…god.” Is all he can say.

“Oh my god!” Niall shouts. “Look! Look!” He says showing them Sarah’s story that she made so only close friends could see.

“Sarah, I dare you to kiss Rachel.” Someone says.

“Jesus, as if anyone hasn’t see that before.” She shakes her head and looks at Rachel. “It’s up to you.”

“What the hell, why not?”

The two kiss, only for a few seconds, but the crowd cheers and Rachel curtsies as she sits back down.

“I…I…who are these people?! Certainly not our girlfriends.” Niall says.

“Are you seriously complaining that you just got to watch your girlfriend kiss another girl?” Louis asks. “You both need to chill out. They’re all just havin’ fun.”

“They didn’t tell us they were-“

“Do they need your permission to go out while you’re away?”

“No, but-“

“But nothin’. You two are idiots to get mad over this.”

“I don’t appreciate seein’ my girlfriend kiss someone else, another girl that happens to be her best friend doesn’t make it okay.” Niall huffs.

“I agree.”

Louis shakes his head at the two of them.

“Stupid thing to get mad about.”

The three finish up their drinks and dinner, and head back to the campground. They start up the fire and start drinking more.

“Wish we never looked at our phones. Who knows what else they’re doin’.” Niall says.

“Don’t worry about it, mate.” Louis whines. “It’s literally not a big deal.”

//

“Um…guys?” Rachel says in the uber on the way to your apartment. “Harry looked at my story of Y/N earlier…”

“And Niall saw mine…” Sarah says. “What the fuck, I thought they didn’t have service.”

“Maybe they went somewhere that did. Fuck, you know, I told you guys to be careful with what you posted. Now he’s seen me popping my ass for a group of people he doesn’t even know. Bad enough someone tagged us in a picture with Seth on Facebook. He probably saw that too.” You groan. “Great, I’m sure I’ll be in for it tomorrow.”

“Me too…”

The three of you get back to your apartment. Your mom had left Buster good to go and he was very happy to see the three of you. You all decide you’re done with drinking and just curl up to watch a movie.

//

Once again Harry and Louis wake up cuddling. The two laugh as they get up. They clean everything up and load up the car.

“Please don’t let what they did ruin such a great weekend, lads.”

“We’re not.” Niall says. “But they’re gettin’ a stern talkin’ to.”

“Yeah, very stern.”

Harry drops Louis off, hugging goodbye of course. Rachel had left your place, but Sarah stayed behind. You both figured if you were in trouble, then maybe you could be in trouble together. Harry tells Niall to come up with him, figuring that Sarah would still be over.

“So what’s our game plan?” Sarah asks you.

“I’m…going to jump on him and hug him and kiss him.”

“Okay, okay, that’s good. Soften him up a bit.”

“Maybe he’ll just take me right to the bedroom and we’ll fuck, then talk.”

“And what does that mean for me?”

“Take Niall home and fuck him there.”

You both hear the jingle of keys and you stand up. You hear the boys talking and then stop when they see the two of you standing there.

“You’re home! How was the-“ You start waling towards him, but they both cross their arms.

“Who’s Seth Rowan?”

“Why did you think it was a good idea to post a video of you and Rachel kissing?”

You and Sarah look at each other, then back to them. You both move a little closer to them. A scent hits your nose and your face scrunches.

“Why do you both smell like weed?” You ask crossing your arms.

“Answer our questions first.” Harry says. “When I asked you what your plans for this weekend, it didn’t seem like a party was in the mix.”

“Seth is an old friend from college.” Sarah starts.

“Just a friend? Because I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than that.” You gasp.

“What did you do, creep on my Instagram?”

“Maybe.”

You and Sarah both roll your eyes.

“Friend...with benefits.” Sarah says. “To both of us at one point.”

“You both were hookin’ up with the same guy?” Niall asks and you both nod. “Why?”

“I feel like the answer to that wouldn’t really help our case.” You say. “Look, Seth usually has a Memorial Day party, he invited us and we went. Everything that happened was a long time ago, no harm done.”

“So you shakin’ your ass for a group of people is no harm done?”

“I’m going to fucking kill, Rachel.” You groan. “We were playing truth or dare, what was I supposed to do?”

“Tell the truth about sometin’.”

“I couldn’t.”

“What did they ask you?” You look at Sarah. “Don’t look at her, look at me, what did they ask you that was so bad that you decided to do a dare instead?”

“They asked me…god…they asked me if…if I ever…please Harry, don’t make me say it, just know it was really bad.” He sighs.

“Fine…you know you could have told me you were goin’ to a party.”

“No because you would’ve questioned who Seth was and-“

“Of course I would have, and you could’ve just told me he was a friend from school, come on.”

“Sorry.”

“Niall…”

“I’m assuming they asked you a stupid question too?”

“Yes.”

“Can yeh please just not do that again? Friend or not, I really don’t want yeh kissin’ someone else.”

“Of course! I’m so sorry!” She lunges onto him and kisses all over his face.

You look up at Harry and give him your biggest eyes and pout. He sighs and opens his arms and you jump into them. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around him.

“Love you both, but I’d like to give my man a proper hello now, so please leave.” They both giggle and head out.

“Where’s Buster?”

“Taking a little nappy.”

“Ah.”

Harry walks you down to the bedroom.

“We’re taking a shower, you wreak. Did you smoke?” He sets you down.

“Yes.”

“Harry…”

“Lou brought a joint with him, it’s no bid deal.”

“Alright.” You start taking your clothes off.

“Alright?”

“You’re letting my weekend slide, so I’m doing the same.”

“Okay.”

“So was it fun?”

“It was great, actually. We went for a hike, got to really see the stars at night. It was nice to just catch up and talk.”

“Yeah, same for us.”

Harry strips and turns the water on in the shower. He looks at you and squints.

“Why don’t you ever dance like that for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’d love for you to put on a little show for me like that. Maybe a little lap dance sometime.” He grins.

“In your dreams.”

“Come on, it’ll be a new character for role play.”

“Maybe something CEO does for her assistant?”

“Exactly.”

“We’ll see.”

“Fine, then in the meantime, I’m going to fuck you into the tile.”

“Harry!” You squeal as he yanks you into the shower.

His hands are all over you and his fingers are up inside you before you know it. He nips at your neck as he pumps in and out of you.

“Fuck.” You breathe as his thumb works your clit. You reach to grab his cock and you start pumping it. “You know, this is the only cock I want.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, makes me feel so good. Want it all the time.”

He takes his fingers out of you and sucks on them. He grips one of your thighs and raises it over one of his hips. He thrusts into you. Your back arches against the cold tile. You hands sink into his shoulders as he rocks up into you.

“This is the only cunt I want.” Before you can’t bite your bottom lip, he’s already doing it for you, sucking it into his mouth. “This entire body, actually. It’s all mine, isn’t it?”

“All yours.” You smile at him and he smiles back. He pulls out and turns you around, entering from behind. Your entire front was pressed to the tile. Your head rolls back to his shoulder. “I love you, Harry, fuck!”

“I love, ngh, love you too.”

It doesn’t take either of you long to come. Harry throws his laundry right into the washer, and you both get cozy with Buster on the sofa.

“I really hope you know I didn’t intentionally try to make you upset or anything,”

“I know.” He strokes your back as you lay on him. “I don’t want you thinkin’ that I’m gonna blow up at you though.”

“I guess…because of how things were with my dad growing up, I feel like it’s easier or safer to leave pieced of information out. I know you’re not him, I wouldn’t be with you if you were anything like him, but sometimes those little things are there in the back of my head. I’d do anything to avoid a fight with him, so-“

“Babe.” You look up at him. “I know I get jealous sometimes, and that’s not always fair. But please don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re doin’. The most important thing to me is that you feel safe with me, always.” You nuzzle into his chest.

“I do feel safe with you, I promise. Some things are just hard to shake, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry your dad fucked you up so much.” He sighs and kisses the top of your head.

“Me too…but I can’t blame everything on him. If I did I’d be just like Bridget. I just know I have certain habits. Like, you know how I always line our shoes up so we don’t trip over them when we walk in?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I do that because of my dad. If there was a hair out place when he got home from work it was like World War three would erupt. I do certain things because I feel like he could just come in at any moment, which is stupid, I mean this is our home, not his.”

“S’not stupid…” You look up at him and kiss him.

“I am sorry though, I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you were.” He smirks. “But it’s okay. I had a really nice time with my friends this weekend, and I suppose I’m glad you did too.” You kiss again.

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Oh, you know, just guy stuff.”

[sabraeal]

Happiness Is Just Around the Corner

The Wide Florida Bay | Previous

Written for @bubblesthemonsterartist for her birthday! This was...not the fic I thought I’d be writing, but this is where this subplot needed to start >:3c

There is an improbable amount of fireworks on the lawn.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure none of it’s legal,” Kiki assures him, taking a long drag of her Sam’s Summer. “Shiira took his ducklings up to New Hampshire yesterday, and they came back with two coolers worth of...something.”

Zen coughs on the dregs of his Magic Hat. “What? Should we even--?”

Kiki’s flat stare is more effective than a hand over his mouth. “You really think we’ll get in trouble.”

His gut instinct is yes, because there’s not a day in his life where his brother hasn’t caught him with his pants down just to prove a point. It would be just like him to send a cruiser around so that he could experience the heart-stopping terror of being on the other side of a two-way mirror. Sure, Haruka would be down at the station before he could even ask for a phone call, and all of this would slide off his permanent record like water off a duck’s back, but still-- trouble.

But he doesn’t say that. He takes a deep breath, thinks. It’s quiet here on campus. They’re rowdy, sure, but it’s just the frat there, not some rager with Omega Delta Nu. The campus cops are probably bored out of their skulls, but they’re not going to nail the honor’s frat for a light show.

“No,” he admits, begrudgingly. “Not unless they light something on fire.”

Her mouth twitches, following the spark in her eyes. “Well, there’s a non-zero chance of that.”

Ugh, of course Kiki would be excited by the prospect. “Well, as long as we don’t get--” Obi crosses the lawn, aviators looming over a wide smile, and hovers just at Shiira’s shoulder, perusing the goods. “UH.”

“Fuck.” Kiki hops off the porch, straight down into the landscaping. “I’ll handle this.”

Zen settles back against the porch swing and sighs, taking another swig of Magic Hat. “Yeah, please do.”

Kiki’s already halfway across the lawn by the time he’s finished talking, so quick that when Obi picks up a particularly patriotic package of pyrotechnics, she’s there to snatch it out of his hands. Even from here, Zen can see the jut of his pout, hear the faint whine of Ms Kiki on the air.

Mitsuhide’s lighting up the grill, surrounded by a crowd convinced cooking works by consensus. He takes a handkerchief out of his back pocket-- stars and stripes, stuffed there early this morning as Obi solemnly announced, you are America’s hat today, big guy-- and wipes the sweat beading on his forehead. Zen can’t tell whether it’s from the heat or from the effort needed to withstand six guys offering advice on proper grilling technique.

A cool breeze tumbles through the porch, carrying the muted voices of a dozen conversations. Zen closes his eyes, letting the smell of smoke and the heat of the day wash over him, the swing rocking gently on its chains.

It’s nice, having all this. People he can anticipate. People he can depend on. Friends. The real kind, not just kids whose parents went to the same prep school as his.

This isn’t where he’s supposed to be.

A year ago that would have sent him scrambling-- last minute tickets and crumpled up itineraries paired with the crushing guilt of never being enough. But now--

Now he knows this is where he wants to be. And there’s only one person to thank for that.

“Hey.” His eyes slit open, and there she is, brilliant smile and bright hair, peeping around the post. “Enjoying yourself?”

Zen drops his legs from the rail to make room. “I am now.”

Shirayuki’s mouth slants, playfully wry, and his heart strains against his sternum like a dog testing its leash. “It looked like you were before too.”

“Well, sure.” He wishes he had Obi’s obnoxious aviators right now, if only so she couldn’t see the eager way he watches her as she comes up, tucking herself neatly onto the opposite end of the swing. “But even more now that you’re around.”

Freckles disappear behind a bloom of pink, settling in on either cheek.  “Ah, w-well,” she stammers, staring at her bare toes. “It’s good to know you don’t regret staying here.”

“Instead of being with my family?” He laughs, incredulous, draping his arm over the back of the swing. His fingers just barely brush the freckles on her shoulder. “More like I’m thankful for the excuse.”

Her smile dims. “Oh, um, right. You and Izana...”

She hesitates. There’s a wealth of ways she could end that thought, but instead she says, “It must be nice. I mean, the place your family has, not...”

The fraught relationship you have with your brother. She doesn’t have to say it for him to know exactly what she means.

“It’s all right, I guess,” he allows, wishing she’d sit closer, that she’d give him a good reason to put his arm around her for real, and not just let him awkwardly hang here. “I mean, it’s just a house. The beach is nice though. Private, of course.”

That doesn’t stop his mother from inviting the paparazzi if she thinks it will make a good photo op. Last year he’d made the cover of the Inquirer, face scrunched and unattractive as Izana has splashed sea water in his face, with the words Final Frolic for World’s Most Eligible Bachelor? There had been a two-page spread inside, dedicated entirely to the relationship rumors Izana had accrued since Valentine’s Day.

Well, he didn’t have to worry about that this year. No paparazzo was going to stake out a college frat to take pictures of an illegal fireworks show. Now Haki could deal with having her picture slapped across the tabloids because mother thought candid shots made for better family photos.

“Ah, right...” Her laugh stutters out, awkward and endearing. “That sounds...good?”

Shirayuki’s still next to him, the heat from her skin humid against his fingertips, but she’s never felt so far. He grunts, frustrated, shifting closer.

“There’s an old carousel on the island too,” he offers, haltingly. He’s not sure why the impulse takes him to tell her; why he thinks she, specifically, might like it, save that when he looks at her it’s the same as when he saw those hand-carved horses the first time, well-loved and shining beneath antique lights.

“Oh!” She blinks. “My grandparents took me to one of those, once! Back when we visited...”

Her mouth works silently for a moment before pulling tight, the bittersweet twist making her smile more grimace than grin.

“Well, you’d love this one,” he assures her, sweat pricking at his palms. “It’s the oldest in the US. But it’s still really nice! I’ll take you next--”

His words slam to a stop, running headlong into the barrier of his teeth. She’s staring at him now, eyes wide and mouth parted, and-- and what can he say? I’ll take you next year, when my brother suddenly approves of you.

Yeah, he knows better than to hold his breath for that.

“I’m glad, anyway.” She folds her legs up on the swing, one arm hooked around her knees, and tilts her head back. “It’s nice for all of us to be here, together.”

Her eyes are closed, face serene in the evening light, like she could just sit here forever, breathing into the twilight. His heart flutters just looking at her, at the way she relaxes next to him, content with the slow rock he eases them into. No one can just be the way Shirayuki can.

“It is,” he agrees softly, because anything but a whisper might break this moment, might let the rest of the world in. “It’s going to be weird when you...”

He tries to stop himself, but her eyes fly open before he can. Of course, the one moment he’s gotten her to himself, and he’s gone and ruined it by bringing that up.

“I just mean...” He laughs, tipping his head back on scroll of wood behind his head. “It’s going to be strange when you and Obi are gone next year.”

A month from now, really. It looms over him, a ticking clock that chimes every evening, telling him he’s wasted another day if it wasn’t with her.

“Oh!” Her head snaps upright, cheeks flushed. “I-- I guess. I didn’t really think...” She bites her lip; he wants to kiss it. “Mitsuhide won’t be here either!”

He blinks. It’s true, but he’s never actually thought about that. Mitsuhide has always been in the house, it seems, never the president but a calming influence just to the side of him, and now--

Well, it’ll just be him and Kiki next year. And the rest of the frat, of course, plus all the new pledges.

Still, the future is distinctly more lonely than he’d like.

“He’ll be close, though,” he says, if only to hear the words out loud. “Harvard is a bit of a drive from here, but now that him and Kiki are, you know...”

Banging. That’s what he means to say at least, what he would say if he didn’t, last minute, remember who he was talking to. The last thing he needs is to get a scolding about taking feelings seriously and supporting their friends. Especially when he’d rather be talking about another relationship entirely.

“...Together,” he settles on, and she hums, approving.

“I’m glad that happened.” She rests her chin on her knees, surveying the lawn. Kiki’s abandoned the fireworks committee, instead shooing away the flock of fraters that have congregated around the grill. “They’re good for each other.”

“Made for each other,” he agrees, tickling her shoulder with his thumb. She squirms, a giggle bubbling out from her lips. “Just like...”

Us. He wants to say it, so bad it’s almost an ache, but-- it’s not fair. Not when they’re not really anything, when they can’t be anything, because--

I don’t know if being with me like…like that will be…good for you. I don’t think either of us are ready for that sort of…of attention.

-- Because everything about his life makes things complicated.

“I’m...happy for them,” he says, because he is, because there’s no two people in the world who deserve every bit of goodness they can wring from life more than they do. Even if that leaves him on the outside, again.

“Me too.” Shirayuki smiles, soft and fond, and it’s impossible to believe it’s barely been ten months since he met her, that she isn’t someone he’s known his whole life, not when she just slips seamlessly into every part.

Her hand reaches out, taking his, cool in the evening breeze. “I’ll miss you too.”

His breath catches in his chest, painful. Maybe she feels so familiar because he’s been waiting for her his whole life, too.

“I-I mean, all of you, of course,” she stammers, pink flooding her cheeks, and oh, he wishes he could just lean over now and kiss her, like he was some normal boy with a normal crush and normal expectations of privacy. “I’m excited to go, but...it won’t be the same without everyone.”

Good. He smothers a grin. This whole trip is a great opportunity for her, he knows that-- how could he not, when Izana keeps reminding him about the connections she’ll make-- but--

Two years seems excessive. After a year, she’ll realize that too. And then she can come back for senior year, live in the frat, graduate, spend the summer with him in the Vineyard, and--

“We should do something together,” she says, fingers knotted around his, shoulders rounded shyly.

“Yes!” he blurts out, squeezing way too hard. “Definitely”

“All of us!”

“Ah...” That wasn’t what he thought she was going for. “I mean...”

“One last big adventure.” Her lips spread giddily. “Just the five of us. For now, of course,” she adds, “we’ll be coming back.”

“Oh, ah...” He blinks, staring down at where her hands are tangled with his. She has little over a month left here, and what he really wants is to be doing this, this whole...being together thing, but--

But it’s not like this is going anywhere either. Two years is a long time, but they’ll be sitting here just like this when she gets back. Well-- with more kissing, he hopes.

He can wait. He’s not the only one who will miss her. “Yeah, that sounds...nice.”

His eyes flick up, catching her just as she sinks teeth into the soft pillow of her lip, leaving a dent that begs to be soothed. Zen swallows, hard.

Well, a friendly getaway will have its opportunities for some, ah, private time too. He just has to create them.

“I was thinking,” he starts, lifting a hand to ruffle his hair, trying to be, you know, casual. “What if we--?”

“Hey.” Kiki perches herself across from them with a deftness that says she’s been hanging out with Obi too much. “Burgers are off the grill.”

“Great,” Zen grits out with a glare. “We’ll be down in a minute.”

Kiki hums, brow raising dubiously. “What are you two up to out here?”

“Nothing.” He glowers at her, wishing she would just take a hint. “Just talking.”

“Ah.” Her mouth twitches. “I see.”

“We were just talking about taking a trip!” Shirayuki blurts out excitedly, red-faced and glowing. “All of us! One last adventure before me and Obi go to Lyrias.”

Kiki blinks at that, cocking her head. “What were you thinking?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know.” A giggle burst nervously from her as she smooths the hem of her shorts over her thighs. “We hadn’t really gotten that far.”

All right, it’s time to drag this conversation back on track. Zen clears his throat. “Kiki, doesn’t your dad have that house in the Berkshires? We could go for a weekend, maybe take in the--”

“Why? We’re already in western Mass. What will a forty minute drive get us?” She wrinkles her nose. “It isn’t even peak foliage season.”

Privacy, he wants to say, but he knows how poorly that idea would fly with her. For someone who always seems to find time to be alone with her boytoy, Kiki’s awfully invested in seeing that he never has any with his girl...thing.

“Hm, I wasn’t really think a trip-trip either,” Shirayuki admits, crushing his dreams of a nice afternoon alone in a hammock, just the two of them and their bathing suits. “But something like an, ah...activity. Like an amusement park.” She perks. “Do you have something like that out here?”

“Six Flags!” he blurts out before he can even consider what he’s saying. “It’s only a half hour away, and the coasters are supposed to be some of the best. I mean, if you, ah, like that sort of thing.”

Which he doesn’t, but there’s really no need to mention that. Not when she lights up like she does, hands clapping together over her heart.

“That sounds perfect! I’ve never been to one of those.” She leans in, conspiratorial. “Opa always got vertigo on the Turkish Twist.”

He may not know what that thing is, but it sounds gut-wrenching enough to keep in head in the trash for a good ten minutes. Zen plasters a smile on his face, steadfastly ignoring the arch look Kiki gives him-- god, that’s the last thing he needs, Kiki deciding it would be funny to tell the story of when they rode the Tower of Terror in middle school-- and says, “I’ll go on any ride you want.”

Kiki makes an unearthly noise, somewhere between a cough and a choke, and he braces for it, for the you know, Zen can tell you the location of every trashcan in Hollywood Studios--

“When were you thinking?” she says instead, mouth just barely twitching at the corner. “It’s going to be busy this weekend.”

“Oh!” Shirayuki’s eyes round, matching the curve of her mouth. “I didn’t think of that. It doesn’t have to be right now. Maybe in another...week? Or so?”

Kiki whips out her phone, flicking through with one finger. “How about...the seventeenth?”

“Ah...” Shirayuki squints, eyes rolling upward like her brain is an open book she can skim for answers. “Y-yes. I think that’s all right.”

Zen stares. “Did you just...pick a random date?”

“No.” Kiki clicks her screen off, slipping it back into her pocket. “This weekend will still have traffic from the fourth. Next week we’re supposed to submit our paperwork to the student affairs office for this semester, and I know you haven’t started. I don’t want to go during a weekend rush, and Thursday is far into the week where if we have any last second problems with student affairs, we won’t have to reschedule.” She holds out a hand, ta-da. “The seventeenth.”

It’s not fair how she can just...do all that. “W-well, all right. But we still have to make sure that Obi and Mitsuhide--”

“Hey, Obi,” Kiki calls out, catching his attention as he cuts across the lawn toward them. “What are you doing on July seventeenth?”

In full sunlight, in the view of every member of the frat, Obi stumbles over absolutely nothing. “W-what?”

“July seventeenth.” she repeats archly as he slinks up beside her, arms resting on the rail. “Are you doing anything.”

When he thinks of Obi at rest, he thinks of languid limbs, of a frustratingly canted smile and glittering eyes, but--

He’s not any of that now. His troublesome mouth lays in a tense line, the corners of his eyes creased and wary. “Why?”

“We want to go somewhere, all five of us,” Shirayuki informs him giddily, mouth stretching from ear to hear. “And Zen suggested Six Flags--”

“Oh no.” He holds up his hands, shaking his head. “No way. Hard pass. I don’t do amusement parks.”

Kiki arches a brow, unimpressed. “Is that so.”

“Yeah.” He tosses his head, mouth straining towards casual derision and falling short. “Not my scene.”

“Oh really.” The mild look Kiki levels at him had leveled lesser men, but Obi only flinches. “Too cool for them, huh?”

His shoulders twitch. “Sure, we’ll go with that.”

“Ohh,” Zen grins, enjoying the way Obi squirms like a cat with his head caught in a fence. “So you mean that’s not really the reason? You have some other secret, terrible Bugs Bunny trauma in your past, maybe?”

“Well, I have to tell you,” Obi says loftily, “I’ve never really cared for Yosemite Sam.”

Shirayuki frowns. “We really don’t have to--”

“I think we all know this is just to obscure your Lola Bunny fetish,” Kiki deadpans.

“Excuse me?” Obi presses a hand to his chest, aghast. “Space Jam is a formative experience. To say any of us don’t owe Lola Bunny--”

“Hey.” Mitsuhide hops up the steps, wiping the sweat pouring down his neck. Zen valiantly doesn’t notice how Kiki stares. “The burgers have been done for a bit. What’s keeping all of you?”

“Obi is allergic to fun,” Kiki informs him, earning a shocked gasp from Obi.

“That’s not it!” he protests. “You just want to go to Six Flags--”

“Oh, Six Flags!” Mitsuhide’s mouth break into a guileless grin. “I love amusement parks.”

Obi stares, jaw slack. “Big Guy, don’t do this to me...”

Zen grins. “I dunno, Obi. Looks like you’re outvoted.”

Shirayuki shifts beside him, wringing her hands. “Oh no, I don’t think-- if Obi doesn’t want to go, we can just pick--”

“Nah.” Obi waves her off, one hand clasping at his shoulder. “You guys can do what you want. I’ll just sit this one out.”

“Obi--”

“I better check in on Shiira,” he says, stilted. “Don’t want them blowing up the front forty by accident.”

Shirayuki half stands, but it’s too late, he’s already sauntering away, laughing at he calls out to the brothers on the lawn.

“Don’t worry, Shirayuki.” Mitsuhide assures her with a clap on her shoulder. “He’ll come around.”

“I...” Zen watches the way her mouth sets, too knowing, a grim white line cutting through the flush of her face. “I don’t know about that.”

[seostudios]

first meet - p.sh

pairing: park seonghwa x fem!reader 

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.7k

synopsis: a little couch potato finally agree’s on going on an outing with your two friends; who knew you’d find someone you now hold dear there 

a/n: posting all my old ateez fics ahha but i hope yoyu enjoy :(( ples send reqs too

"y/n! wake the fuck up!!" your friend sumin screams to you from the edge of the bed attempting to wake you up. "noooooo" you whine pulling the covers over your head. it's almost 4 in the afternoon and you had nothing better to do than sleep-in. you were off from work due to a plumbing problem which was coincidentally beside your little work cubical. you had one week to yourself and you weren't trying to get up and go outing with sumin. "please! jongho even agreed to come with me why aren't you!!" she was trying to convince me to attend this lame party with her work friends. i shoot my head up and laugh; "your lying. jongho isn't a party guy." you say getting up and making your way to the restroom. "but he did agree after me begging him and hopefully you will too!" jongho is sumin's co-worker who happened to be her boyfriend. while you brushed your teeth you thought to yourself  if THE choi jongho- the one person i'd least expect to go to a party is going. might as well. "okay. i don't know what i'm gonna wear though." you say continuing to wash your face. "NO PROBLEM!!" sumin says before running to your closet picking out clothes for you to wear. she took out a black polka dot puff sleeve ribbed mini dress from your closet. "see! a nice easy ribbed dress you can take from brunch to cocktails it has this amazing crew neckline with a sheer polka dot puff short sleeves and it'll show off your amazing body." peeking your head out the door you see the dress. "i haven't worn that in ages. plus i don't even look good in black" you exclaim going back to the restroom. sumin sighs going back to digging in your closet to find the perfect dress. a red scuba back cut-out high-low dress. "y/n. i know you will say no but i really give zero shits about what you say. you are going to wear this dress. it's a short sleeveless v-neck mini dress with this clinched back detail and a back cut-out detail. all eyes will be on you if you wear this." she says excitingly going throwing the dress on your bed to change into. finding a matching pair of shoes she places them at the door. "these are the perfect party shoes it has this front tie block and gives you the correct amount of inches and it's in the most sexiest colour; black." you peek your head out again laughing at what she's doing. walking out all freshened up you pick out a necklace and earring to wear. you pick out this necklace and earrings you got a few years back. the earrings were simple yet elegant, they were these faux diamond branch earrings and a this star pendant silver necklace which just complimented your outfit for the night. a few hours has pasted it's now 8:30 pm, you and sumin were about to leave. "jongho will meet us there" she says happily.

you two arrive at the party and not even a minute inside the hall and sumin runs over to jongho who signaled her over to him. ugh couples. you thought to yourself, you have only been in one relationship in your life and it was some lame high school romance that lasted freshman year.  nervous as this was your first party in...awhile. sitting yourself at the bar stool your sip on a lemonade waiting for sumin to return to you. this party was full of those big businessmen that looked too rich and posh to breath the same air as you, a basic girl all i know is how to work a cash register. "can i get two strawberry daiquiri's." a deep voice says hovering over your shoulder talking to the bartender. "on it." the bartender says as the unknown figure sits down. with a straw in your mouth you turn your head over to the tall figure taking a look at him. he was wearing a dark red velvet suit with a side part in his dark hair. his beauty was  indescribable to you. he was just very very attractive. noticing your gaze he turns his head over to your tiny figure staring at him. as red flew to your cheeks you shoot your forward sipping nervously on your lemonade just to realize. it's finished. "can i get a refill please!" you speak eagerly to the bartender. "one moment." he tells you. "here you go sir." the bartender says. "thank you." he says and before he turns around he makes sure you know he saw you eyeballing him. "it's rude to stare." he says nudging you playfully before walking off.

oh my god. you watch him walk off and scan the hall for sumin and jongho just to see them in the corner, jolting out of your seat your speed walk over to them. "i just seen the hottest man i've ever laid eyes on." your quickly spit out. you watch jongho laugh at you since he has never seen you say anything remotely close to that especially about a man you just met at a work party. "oh my god who! spill! i probably know them too!" she squeals excitingly. as you scan the room to search for that man to show jongho and sumin who he is you spot him talking to a few other probably business associates. "him." you say signalling over to the man. after a few moments of silence you look over to the two waiting for a response just to see a weirded out look on both their face. "what? what!" they say. "that's seonghwa." jongho says. "he's not someone you want to be associated with" he says sighing. "i agree. but if your going to hook up with him i support" she says happily cheering. after a few laughs you ask why he wasn't to be messed with jongho tells you; "he doesn't have a good past with women." he says confused. "he just doesn't keep them around for long. the longest i've seen him with a girl was probably a month" he exclaims. a little more cautious now you cross your arms and think but what you didn't notice was that same seonghwa was walking to the three of you. "how is everyone's night?" he says calmly standing next to you. out of panic your jump in-front in between jongho and sumin. "good, how was yours?" jongho says sipping on his drink. "mine was alright, could be better." he says turning his head towards you. "and you?" he says using his drink to point at you. "me?" you say back dumbfounded. "i don't think i've seen you at the office before." he tells the three of you. "that's because she doesn't even work here she's just my plus one because she needs to go out once in awhile." sumin says jumping in. nodding you smile. "ah okay." after a few exhausting minutes of small talk with seonghwa he makes his leave. "hope to see you around y/n." he says turning around walking off. completely in awe of him your turn over to the two love birds. "he doesn't look bad!" you tell jongho. "whatever helps you sleep at night." he says sighing. "i'm going to go now it's almost 12. i promised my cousin i'd help him design some clothes with him tomorrow morning." you tell her. surprisingly she was very understanding of that and let you leave. walking out towards the bus stop. "two things. aren't you cold." a voice from behind says giving you their jacket. "and girls like you shouldn't be out alone at this time." the voice was rather familiar so you turn around and surprise it's the one and only seonghwa. "girls like me?" you say confused. "yes. girls like you. the pretty ones." he says slyly making your cheeks grow a blush pink. you gotta hand it to him, he has a way with words.

"don't be like that." you say sitting at the bench laughing slightly. "be like what." he says cheekily. "all flirty and hot-" you cover your mouth. stupid stupid you shouldn't have idiot!!  "hot. that's the first." he says crossing his legs leaning back laying his long arm around your shoulder. "don't you have a part to attend." you say trying to change the topic. he brings you closer by hugging your shoulder. "next saturday at 7:30." he says as the bus arrives. "pardon??" very confused you take off the jacket getting onto the bus. "next saturday at 7:30. i'll pick you up. wear a skirt. you'll look cute." he says as the doors close. flustered you sit down on the bus seat just wondering what he could have planned. "well played park seonghwa. well played." you say to yourself staring out the window wondering what'll happen next.

-

"next saturday at 7:30." seonghwa says as the bus arrives. "pardon??" very confused you take off the jacket getting onto the bus. "next saturday at 7:30. i'll pick you up. wear a skirt. you'll look cute." he says as the doors close. flustered you sit down on the bus seat just wondering what he could have planned. "well played park seonghwa. well played." you say to yourself staring out the window wondering what'll happen next. you arrive at your bus-stop hoping out. "it's almost one in the morning sheesh why would you go out this late?!" you ask yourself. unlocking the front door you waddle in and jump into bed not even wanting to change out of your dress and jewelry. falling fast asleep. hoping. just hoping. your sleep could last until tomorrow afternoon. "it's almost 1 in the afternoon why is she still asleep?". your asleep, yes. but you were barely awoken by a voice. "i don't know, she's always like this." another squeaky voice says. still looking asleep you managed to identify the two as none other than the lousy couple. jongho and sumin. turning around to lay on your back you look up at the two staring down at you until sumin pulls you up and forces you into the restroom. "change and get freshened up my darling." she hums to you from the other side of the restroom door. oh god what could she have planned for today. it was still relatively early for your species or nocturnal animals to be awake so your kind of slugging your way through your morning routine. sumin left an outfit hanging at your door handle; it was a pair or navy blue skinny jeans and a crinkled smock-detail top. it was just divine with it's tie-top shoulder straps and concealed elastic at top with the overlocked edge and ruffle trim. it was perfect for the summer weather. it was wide, and smocked your lower section. it was the perfect top for the casual brunch outing you were going for. brushing your hair out and putting in your go-to jewelry. you walk out the restroom door to the foyer where you see the two. "ready to go?" sumin asks and you nod and make your way out. "so were getting food right?" your ask the two rubbing your stomach in a circular motion implying you were starving. "yea we need to be fed." jongho says agreeing with you as you both look at sumin who found you two hysterical.

currently your at brunch with jongho and sumin. filling them in on what happened at the bus-stop. "oh my god saturday is only two days away!!" she squeals at you. you cover your face in embarrassment as this was actually the one of the few times a man as good looking as park seonghwa reached out to you and take you out. "what are you going to wear??" now this is where you panic. he told you to wear a skirt. which you don't own. "he wanted me to wear a skirt? i don't have anything remotely close to a skirt." you tell her. she see's either your phone ro jongho's sitting on the table and grabs it as she looks up clothing stores nearby. "don't you have your own phone." jongho asks grinning. she responds on how she forgot more intrigued in looking online for shops. "store/name is just a few minutes down this path" she tells your grabbing both your hands and dragging you towards the shop. sumin always gets riled up when you need to go shopping. it's one of her many talents. she makes jongho go exploring on his own in the plaza. after stuffing you into the changing room she throws you a bunch of skirts and tops. you and seonghwa were going out for dinner as you assumed so you and sumin picked out a wine red corduroy mini skirt. it was perfect and you paired it with an over the knee boots. it was a lightweight corduroy construction, the exposed seam detailing and high waisted a-line silhouette made you look just perfect. the zipper at the back just went so well with it. you decided to pair the two with a long sleeve white low turtle neck which just hugged your skin perfectly. after swiping the card you two made it to jongho who was on the outside bench sipping on a orange juice. sumin running ahead of you which looked cute, they were you. you thought sighing. "gimme!" she says going to snatch his drink. you stare at them being you for a moment playing with your feet. you feel a weight on your shoulder. "why aren't you two cute?" the voice says to the two as they stop and greet the man infront who had his hand on your shoulder soothingly massaging it. "we meet again, hello y/n" the voice said. turning your head to the side you notice it's seonghwa. "hi hi" you said as you feel your cheeks heating up. "are you free right now?" he asks. you turn your head to sumin as she nods frantically yes. "y-yes." you stutter out. "great. guess i don't have to wait til saturday." he says smiling grabbing the bags out of your hand slowly handing them to jongho and taking you by the hand out of the plaza. you wave goodbye to the two as your follow behind seonghwa. walking side by side he interlocks your hands as if it was nothing. you lean closer to him while you two walk down the lit city sidewalks.

it felt like you two were a couple. it wasn't awkward at all that night. the night didn't go as you thought..you thought you'd have a fancy little dinner from seeing how proper he was but in reality he was an ordinary guy. you two stopped at a food truck and got two shawarma wraps and pop cans stopping by a few stores and taking pictures. it was so peaceful and perfect. but you still didn't know if this was all an act or if he was genuinely interested in you. you two arrive at your doorstep as he agreed to walk you home. his hands snake around your waist pulling you towards his chest as you look up at him. your hands were placed on his chest they slid their way up to the base of his neck. pulling him down slowly. "today was fun." he breathed looking you in your eyes. his eyes trailed from your eyes to your soft rose tinted lips. you mimic his actions look at his lips, they looked so soft. your leaned forward placing your lips onto his. him responding back softly. this is where you realized how he felt about you. his kiss wasn't rough, or no where near sexual. no lust. it was purely off of how your night was. soft and tender as you two ended the night amazingly. "today was amazing." you reply catching your breath. smiling he opens your front door letting you in. waiting in front of your doorstep he beams you a smile as you lean on the door frame returning the smile. you didn't want the night to end so you grew some balls and asked. "it's late seonghwa.." you say. "stay the night." you shyly tell him your face becoming a tomato. a smirk grew as he responded. "ah you sure?" he says walking towards you hovering over you. "yes" you say quietly taking his hand pulling him inside knowing where your night was going to go.

i’m a new writer on here for ateez and nct (maybe a few other groups...) and i’ll rly enjoy if you’d re-blog and show love on my page since i want to enjoy my writing with everyone!

[not-close-to-straight]

Spider-Verse (SWS #69)

Previously posted as KoFi Exclusive Fic 

SUNDAYS WITH SPIDEYPOOL MASTERLIST HERE

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“So this is your universe?” Miles peered up at buildings that were familiar but not quite right, at stores that had a letter or two off in their name, at colors that just felt off. “It seems dark.” “It’s not as bright as yours.” Peter kicked away a piece of trash as they passed an alley. “Not as clean cut as yours. And not as hopeful as yours, if I’m being honest. “Well, why not?” Miles ran his hand over faded graffiti on a wall, frowning over the dull colors and sloppy lines. “What’s so bad about this universe that everything is like this?” “Nothing’s bad about my universe.” Peter said irritably. “It’s just… different. Things are a little more serious. Not every situation can be defused by a witty one liner, I don't crack jokes after I get hurt. You know, people die and you don’t really get over it. Guilt never really leaves, it just sort of hurts a little less when the sun’s up. Heroes aren’t as good as you think they are, and bad guys aren’t all bad. The lines between right and wrong are a little more blurred over here and it's reflected--" 

Peter waved his hands towards the sunset that wasn't as brilliant as Miles would have expected, the music from a store that sounded just half a step flat. "It's reflected in everything you see.” 

“My dad would hate it.” Miles decided, wrinkling his nose at the smell of less than fresh food on display outside a corner shop. “He likes things black and white, right and wrong, good guys and bad guys.” “Your dad would hate it.” Peter confirmed. “But I’ve gotten used to it. Tell you the truth, I didn't even notice how off this one was until I ended up in your verse. Yours is so bright and well meaning and colorful, it makes my home seems like a less friendly version, but hey. It still needs a Spider-man, right? Even if my world considers me a menace to society, and your Peter Parker was a golden-boy." “So, if the lines are blurred in this verse--” Miles risked a glance up at Peter. “--are you really a good guy? Like my Peter Parker, he was a really good guy, right up to the end. Kept telling me it would be okay, gave me the courage to go on and do something with myself. Is that you too? Because when I met you, you seemed to hate being Spider-man and kept telling me to walk away." “Most days I’m a good guy.” Peter met his eyes steadily. “And most days I love being Spider-man, but I’ve been doing it for a long time, kid. And we might be heroes but we’re also human and we get tired."   “What--what does that mean?” “It means--” Peter snatched a few apples and handed the vendor a couple dollars. “It means that sometimes you’ll run into people who are evil down to their core, and just breathing around them makes you sick. People who are so corrupt your skin will crawl and you’ll never feel clean again. And those people? You won’t want to save them. You’ll want to save everyone from them, and then leave the baddies to die because you know the world will be a better place without them." He took a big bite of the apple and added, “And those are the times where you know if you’re a good guy or not, Miles.” “...Have you left some baddies to die?” “I haven’t saved everyone I should have.” Peter said evenly, truthfully. “But I haven’t saved everyone I wanted to, either. It evens out in some shitty way." “Oh.” Miles took a bite of his own apple, chewing as he thought. ��Your Uncle Ben, right? You didn't save him? I feel like all the Peter Parker's I've met, it's always an Uncle Ben" “I feel guilty about my Uncle Ben every day.” Peter tossed the apple up in the air and caught it again. “But I also know that what happened to him could have happened in any store on any corner in this city. And you’re right-- it’s almost always an Uncle Ben.” “Mine was Uncle Aaron.” Quietly, Miles copying Peter by tossing the apple into the air. “I feel guilty about that even though I don't think I should. He was a bad guy, you know. And bad guys deserve---" Miles coughed to clear his throat. "Was your Uncle Ben a good man? Or was he like-- was he like Uncle Aaron?" “Just because someone’s involved in a life of crime doesn’t mean they aren’t a good man.” When Miles looked up at him doubtfully, Peter shrugged. “Even mobsters go to church and give to the poor and kiss their moms. Wouldn’t you say that makes them good men?” “I think the murders over shadow it.” Miles pointed out. “Don’t you?” “Your Uncle Aaron loved you.” Peter switched directions and pulled his mask out of his pocket, securing it before thwipping a web up to the top of the building and starting to scale the wall. “He encouraged you and cheered you on and when it came time for him to obey his boss and hurt you? He walked away. He was a good man.” “...oh.” Miles stared up at the building for a minute, then thwipped his own web out and attached it to Peter’s butt, climbing up after him. “I don't want to talk about this anymore. Um, are you still into Mary Jane in this universe?” “We aren’t together anymore, no.” Peter scowled when his pants started slipping, and reached back to reattach Miles web to the building. “Not for a few years now.” “So I’m doomed to be single if I’m Spider-man?” It was Miles’ turn to scowl. “That doesn’t seem fair. I’m too young to give up on love! Plus, my mom says I'm cute. I don't want to be single and gloomy forever just because I can stick to things." “Well the gloomy comes and goes, but I never said anything about being single.” Peter chuckled. “And I might have given up on love there for a little bit, but it found me whether I wanted it or not.” “Uh--- that sounds ominous?” Miles offered. “So you’re in love? What’s her name?” “His name is Wade.” Peter climbed over the railing at the rooftop and reached down to help Miles up as well. “But he goes by Deadpool. He's a mercenary." “He's a mercenary?!” Mile’s eyes about popped out of his head when Peter jogged over to a man dressed in red and black spandex, sporting enough weapons to look like a character in those video games his mom didn’t let him play. “Sorry, you said he’s a merce--” He shut up when Peter ripped his mask off and jumped into the guy’s arms, then the guy tore his mask off and-- “Oh yikes that's--” Miles did a double take when he saw Wade's face. “--That’s unfortunate. What the heck happened there?” “Miles, this is Wade.” Peter brought the guy over to meet him and Miles stuck out his hand automatically, smiling as big as he could through his own mask and thankful that no one could tell he was still staring like a damn fool. “Wade, this is Miles. He’s one of the ones I met when the universe did that awful blippy thing? Remember?” “I definitely remember dis booty disappearing into a black hole, yeah huh.” Wade patted Peter’s ass, and Peter smacked his hand away, muttered, “For the love of god, behave.” “It’s uh-- It’s nice to meet you? Mr. Deadpool, sir?” Miles squeaked, trying not to gape at the scars and bumps and--seriously what was going on with this guy’s face? “My name is Miles Morales.” “What’s with you Spidey’s and not hitting puberty until your thirty?” Wade joked, elbowing Miles in a friendly fashion. “Don’t worry, Pete’s voice didn’t drop until just last year, it was like hanging out with one of the chipmunks until everything finally descended and it got deep--” “Miles is in highschool, babe.” Peter cut in, and Wade gasped. "And by the way, my voice didn't just drop last year, what the hell?"

Wade ignored Peter and clapped both hands onto Miles' cheeks, squishing them together. “Oh my god he’s a baby! Pete you brought me a baby-bug! Can we keep him! He’s so little! Look at his little suit and his tiny feet!" “Uh--” Miles tried to intervene. “Actually--” “I shall call him squishy.” Wade said solemnly. “And he shall be mine, and he shall be MY SQUISHY!" “Ummm---” “Oh I know!” Wade snapped his fingers. “I’ll get food! Kids like food right, that will make you trust me, right?” “What?!” “Alright, that’s enough of that.” Peter disengaged Wade and pushed Miles back a short distance. “Don’t mind him, he just has zero manners and some how even less tact. He’s nice though. Means well.” “He’s your….” Miles hesitated. “Life partner?” “Boyfriend.” Peter corrected. “About a year now. We run patrol together and eat junk food together and the sweatpants I was wearing when you met me? His.” “Which is why they were grey and terrible?” “Which is why they were grey and terrible.” Peter confirmed. “But don’t tell him that, he’s weirdly proud of those ratty things.” “So he--” Miles’s eyes lit up when Wade suddenly popped back up with bags of food. “Is that Mexican food?” “Piles of it.” Peter grinned. “Let me show you how we end most nights of patrol.” **************** **************** “So your universe isn’t all black and white.” Miles said thoughtfully, chowing down on his fourth burrito of the night. “Sometimes bad guys are good, sometimes good guys aren’t really heroes and apparently mercenaries are super chill if not a little weird?” “Super chill and a lot weird.” Peter winked over at Wade. “It’s not as hopeful and bright as your universe, but it has good sides.” “Hey, speaking of good sides, have you met my other person Wanda Wilson?” Wade asked curiously. “Busty blonde gal, rocks some red spandex like nobody’s business? I don’t want to scare you and say she’s terrifying, but Squishy Spidey, she is terrifying. But in like… a sweet sort of way.” “I-- I don’t know a Wanda Wilson.” “And you don’t want to.” Peter shook his head quickly. “If that particular spandex clad disaster shows up in your universe, just take the day off and move right on with your life.” “Pick my battles.” Miles stated, and then-- “Did he just call me Squishy Spidey?” “Yeah, good luck with that.” Peter said dryly. “Once Wade gives you a nickname, you’re stuck with it. I’ve been Peter Pumpkin Pie for about eight months now.” “Well as long as no one at school gets ahold of that nickname, we’re chill.” Miles laughed and Wade high fived him behind Peter’s back. “That’s the spirit.” he said confidently. “See? All Spidey’s think I’m great, just takes a little time to get used to my particular brand of charm!” “How long does it take?” Miles whispered, and Peter whispered, “I’ll let you know when it happens for me.” Miles just grinned, and went back to eating his burrito. Not all was bad in this verse.

*********************

@bethy-sue @thesmollestgay @babypinkbunny @lilwitchybee @kloudbby @shipeveryonetogether @shadowrayven @hausoffro @plutoisstillsalty @thereaderandwriterwithin @thecat-theparrot-theonion @zerokrox-blog @zuretha-metal @hurricanesass @tstilcr @ulnusilmukka @kahowl-knight @oswolfpack @larissaloki @stuckony-stank @blackhearted @iona-laia @itsallyd @youarenewformetoo @megahuffledor @starks-avengers @tabziecat @stitchinaride @ceealaina @cwar1864 @trinidaddee @emogoddess24 @my-drowning-in-time @pidgist @yukina64 @words-aremy-weapons @psychobitchgonepsycho @little-big-mac2 @multishippinglife @susana0 @paranormalmoonlight5 @lullilt @girlnic @vgurl18 @sw3etpotat0

[searchingwardrobes]

Jumper

It’s a big day in the fandom with TWO birthdays! I couldn’t let the day go by without gifting a fic to @gingerchangeling ! I got to know her long before I was on tumblr when she started leaving me wonderful comments over on Ao3. She may not even remember them, but they meant a lot to me. Happy birthday, my dear!

And before you hate me for thinking I gave you a horrible gift, I just want to explain that I am keeping my cards very close the vest with this. I know the summary and tags are intense, just . . . yeah. That’s all I can say.

Summary: He turned his gaze on her, his eyes blinking slowly. His pretty blue eyes, shining with tears. Emma blinked. He was incredibly handsome, despite his clenched jaw and melancholy eyes. Or maybe because of them. It was one thing to consider jumping yourself. It was another to stand by and let someone else do it. So she was going to stand here and ironically convince this guy not to do the very thing she was here to do herself. Based on the song by Third Eye Blind.

Rating: M

Trigger Warnings: attempted suicide, major character death (it’s not what you think!)

Words: 4,000

Also on Ao3. Part of my Fandom Birthday Playlist

Tagging my usual (hope they don’t hate me for this!) plus others I think might like it: @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @kday426 @jennjenn615 @teamhook @profdanglaisstuff @captainsjedi @welllpthisishappening @thislassishooked @bethacaciakay @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @wellhellotragic @let-it-raines @killian-whump @sherlockianwhovian @artistic-writer @hollyethecurious

I wish that you would step back from that ledge my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in, and if you don’t want to see me again, I would understand.

The bay bridge was eerily quiet at two am. Like any big city, this one never slept, yet the bridge still slumbered in its own way. The occasional car whipped past with a rhythmic sound, the waves quietly lapped at the pilings. Moonlight reflected off the water, and the streetlights shone like spotlights along the edge of the bridge. And illuminated by one of those spotlights was a figure, poised on the railing, one hand grasping a support pillar. Emma approached him cautiously, pushing aside her slight irritation that she couldn’t even fling herself off a bridge without an obstacle. This was her spot, damn it!

When she reached him, he didn’t even glance her way, eyes transfixed on the water below. His fingers were white where he gripped the pillar, which made Emma wonder if jumping were really his goal. Now that she was next to him, she saw that he was about her age.

“Whatcha doin?” she asked softly, casually. As if she’d walked up to a classmate flipping through a magazine at school.

He turned his gaze on her, his eyes blinking slowly. His pretty blue eyes, shining with tears. Emma blinked. He was incredibly handsome, despite his clenched jaw and melancholy eyes. Or maybe because of them.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He gazed back out at the water, his thick dark hair falling across his eyes. His hair was messy and a little long, curling at the nape of his neck and around his ears.

Emma kept her gaze focused on his profile. “It looks like you’re about to jump. Any way I can change your mind about that?” It was one thing to consider jumping yourself. It was another to stand by and let someone else do it. So she was going to stand here and ironically convince this guy not to do the very thing she was here to do herself.

“I doubt it,” he replied bitterly.

“You look about my age. How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Me too. Seems awfully young to die.”

He gazed at her again. “And yet here you are to do the very same thing.”

Emma swallowed. “You’re not from here,” she pointed out, changing the subject.

“Perceptive,” he said wryly, “and how did you gather that?”

“Not many people in Portland, Maine with a British accent.”

“Ah, I see.”

Emma climbed up on the railing herself, wrapping her arms around the pillar on the other side of her new friend, if that’s what she could call him. “Is that why you want to jump? Because you’re so far from home?”

He looked at her again with those profound blue eyes. “No, because I’ve lost my home.” He stared down at the water again, and when he finally spoke, his voice was choked with emotion. “I just feel so lost. I can’t . . . I just can’t do this anymore.”

“I get that. Tired of everything? Tired of the hunger? Tired of the loneliness? Tired of the fear?”

He nodded once, and their eyes held for a long moment. Finally, Emma let go of the pillar and reached out her hand.

“Jump together?”

His lips quirked halfway up in a hesitant smile, and Emma imagined that if he really, truly, smiled, it would light her up inside. Smiles that would soon be cut off by the slip of a foot. Sadness crashed over her at this realization, and somehow that emotion messed with her balance. Both feet slipped into empty air, and as her heart leapt to her throat, she realized with sudden clarity: she didn’t really want to die.

Then a calloused hand grasped her forearm. She was jerked back up on the bridge, crashing into the boy’s chest. He was anchored to the pillar where his arm was wrapped around it, and he now had his other arm firmly around her waist. She had guessed he was hungry because of his slender build, but she now realized that his chest was solid, his shoulders knotted with muscle. Small for his age, perhaps, but not weak. He wasn’t much taller than her, and when she looked up, her gaze was zeroed in on his lips. She darted her eyes up to his instead, which were bright blue from the streetlight overhead. They were also wide with shock.

“I couldn’t let you do it,” he said.

“I don’t want to die,” she whispered.

He somehow eased off the railing without letting her go, collapsing onto the solid asphalt. They both shook, clinging to one another, sobs wracking their bodies.

**********************************************************

“Not that one, Swan,” Killian argued.

“Why not?” she protested indignantly, adjusting the dark rimmed glasses perched on her nose. “There’s no one around.”

“The color, that’s why. Yellow attracts way too much attention.”

Emma gnawed on her lower lip as she contemplated the yellow Bug at the end of the alley. Killian playfully tugged on her ponytail.

“You really like it, don’t you?” He grinned at her. “I’ll get it for you if it’s what you really want.”

He said that all the time. The first time had been that night on the bridge. Once her tears were spent, she felt a little too raw, and much too exposed. She was also appalled to see the tears and snot that were smeared over the front of his t-shirt, so she had whispered against his neck, “I’d really like a grilled cheese right now.”

Killian had gotten her one, too. Hot, and not from the garbage can either. He simply charmed one out of a waitress at a diner on Ocean Street. Killian could charm his way into (and out of) a lot. He had a face for it. Yet the only one who could charm Killian was Emma. Or at least she liked to think so.

“No,” Emma told him now with a shake of her head, “you’re right, it’s too visible. See another mark?”

“Over beside that convenience store,” Killian said, pointing, “it’s been there all day.”

Emma wrinkled her nose. “It looks like a toaster. Will it even run?”

“It can after you tinker with it,” Killian told her confidently, “and since it isn’t much to look at, the person may even thank us for stealing it.”

He winked at her, and she couldn’t stop the warmth that spread across her cheeks. Killian Jones seemed to think she could do anything, and frequently called her “bloody brilliant” in his adorable accent. So she followed him to the rusted out Chevy, leaving the yellow Bug behind in the alley.

********************************************************

Killian had a “code” about stealing. She teasingly called him “Robin Hood,” because stealing from the rich to give to the poor pretty much summed him up. Of course, the “poor” was just the two of them.

According to this “code,” they could shoplift from nice stores, but when they went to the Goodwill down the street from where they were crashing, they needed to pay. Which wasn’t difficult considering a pair of pants cost fifty cents. All they had to do was pick a few pockets, swipe a few purses, and they could afford a pretty nice wardrobe.

It was getting cold, so today’s agenda was to find coats, hats, and gloves. Yet Emma found herself drawn to another part of the store.

She glanced over her shoulder, making sure Killian was preoccupied trying on jackets. Then her hand reached out to touch the red satin, her finger and thumb running along the lacy trim. She shuddered thinking of slipping into bed next to Killian, wearing nothing but this tiny negligee. They had found a place to stay at a run-down motel around the corner, another result of Killian’s charms. The manager there had lost a son who had run away from home, a son who Killian apparently reminded her of. If someone had shown him kindness, she said, maybe he wouldn’t have ended up dead in a gutter. She asked no questions, simply slipped a key behind the ice machine to whatever room was vacant that night. All she asked was that they leave the room tidy when they left each morning. Sometimes she’d leave food for them in the room, too.

Sometimes the room had one queen size bed, sometimes two double beds. Either way, they usually ended up sleeping next to each other. And each night, things between them escalated more and more physically. They still hadn’t gone all the way, but that morning they had woken up half naked, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Emma slid the negligee off the hanger, her mind wandering.

“Emma?”

She jumped and whirled around to face Killian, balling the tiny bit of thin fabric up in her hand so Killian couldn’t see it.

“Uh, yeah?” she muttered, brushing hair out of her face.

Killian arched a brow at her. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be getting a coat.”

“I will,” she said, swallowing hard. Her face was burning.

Killian swiped at his lower lip with his tongue. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing.”

He grinned wickedly, grabbing at her clenched fist. She spun away from him “Show me, Swan!”

“No,” Emma giggled as he grabbed her around the waist, trying to pry her fingers open, but she yanked them just out of his reach.

“Come on, please?” he gave her his best pout, which usually worked. On everyone, including Emma, but this time she shook her head.

“A girl’s got to have some secrets.”

His eyes sparkled as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “Is the surprise for me? Because I like surprises.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, the lingerie still hidden in her tight grip. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

He kissed her in the middle of Goodwill, tugging on her ponytail. She decided right then and there; she was definitely buying that red negligee. She’d go without gloves all winter if she had to. He was worth it.

*****************************************************

When she came out of the bathroom that night in the red lingerie, the look on Killian’s face was priceless. Like he was in awe of her or something. She grinned nervously as she slipped under the sheets next to him. When he gathered her in his arms, she trembled all over in anticipation, his kisses making her core heat with want.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped when he seemed to hesitate.

“Are you sure?”

“I need you, Killian. Please.”

“I’ve . . . I’ve never done this before,” he admitted.

She cupped his face, searching his intense gaze. “Neither have I.”

He smiled tenderly at her then, kissing her with something akin to reverence. It was honestly a little awkward, mostly because Killian was so worried about hurting her, but it was wonderful, too. Afterwards, Killian fell deeply asleep, his arm wrapped around her waist, just like that early morning on the bridge.

“Thank you for saving me,” she whispered, brushing a kiss to his cheek. Then she curled up against his chest and fell into a contented slumber.

Stealing condoms wasn’t easy, but Emma knew they couldn’t keep falling into bed every night like this without protection. It had been foolish from the start, but Emma had been too turned on by that stupid negligee in Goodwill. Okay, not stupid. She and Killian were going on day four of this new phase of their relationship, and Emma couldn’t seem to get enough. So no, not stupid. Irresponsible, maybe, but not stupid. The problem was, every drug store had condoms under lock and key for some strange reason. Emma finally found a broken condom dispenser in the bathroom at the gas station, and she breathed easier knowing they were taking precautions.

Little did she know it was already too late.

*****************************************************

It was raining and the windshield wipers on the Chevy made a squeaking sound as they slid across the glass. Emma was slumped down in her seat, the belt across her lap pinching. She fiddled with the ends of her hair. Killian kneaded the steering wheel with his hands, his jaw clenching. He was brooding, and Emma wondered if it was because he had picked up on her own mood. He glanced her way, and his eyes widened when he found her staring. She dropped her hair.

“We need to talk,” they said simultaneously.

They chuckled nervously.

“Emma, I need to tell you something.”

“Please,” she stopped him, sitting up fully, “let me go first.”

He licked at his dry lips. “Okay.”

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, then just blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

His jaw dropped, and he blinked rapidly, and stammered, “Wh-what?” It was pretty much the reaction she had been expecting. They were only seventeen, after all. She would be eighteen by the time the baby came, but still.

She told him as much, fingers going to fiddle with her hair again. “I don’t know how old you’ll be. You’ve never told me your birthday. Because if you’re wondering, I’m not getting rid of it. I mean, I’m not saying I’ll keep it and be a mom, I haven’t figured that part out yet, but I’m having it. And I can’t make you stick around, I know that -”

“What?”

His eyes flashed, and Emma gulped. Was he mad? She should have considered that he would be mad.

“I’m pregnant.”

“No, I heard that. I’m talking about the last thing you said.”

Emma choked out a tiny nervous laugh. “I was sort of rambling, so I’m not sure.”

His voice was low. “You said I didn’t have to stick around. Do you really think I would just leave you like that?”

Tears pricked at her eyes at the intense look on his face. She scooted up in her seat. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, to be honest. This is a lot to take in.”

HIs face softened, and her heart stopped its ping pong motion in her chest. He reached out and took her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Expect me to always, always be by your side. I love you, Emma.”

She let out a small gasp, and now her heart was fluttering like a thousand butterflies had invaded her chest. “I love you too.”

Emma was never quite sure what happened next. A bright light blinded them. Glass shattered, tires squealed, and someone was screaming. Maybe it was her? There was pain, and blood, and . . . where was Killian? She tried to reach for him, but she couldn’t move. Then she was spinning and falling, and then there was nothing.

She woke up to a beeping sound, and a sterile smell, and the fuzzy outline of someone next to the bed. When her vision cleared, she was surprised at the smiling face bending over her.

“Sarah?”

The woman reached out and laid a cool hand to Emma’s forehead, brushing tendrils of hair back. Though part of her wanted to hold onto the reasons that she had run away from her foster mother three years ago, another part of her relished her motherly touch.

“You had no identification, sweetheart, but they found a slip of paper in your pocket with my number on it. So they called me.”

Emma managed a nod, realizing suddenly how much she hurt all over. She always felt silly for keeping that phone number, but she had never been able to bring herself to throw it out. If she were completely honest, she was relieved that Sarah was here.

“Can I see Killian?”

“The boy driving the car?”

Emma frowned. Sarah’s hand had stilled, and her voice had a strange edge to it.

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend. Can I see him? Is he okay?”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. He . . . he didn’t make it.”

“No!” Emma cried, struggling to sit up. She had stitches in several places that pulled, a cast on her leg and an IV in her arm, but the pain of moving was nothing compared to the knife in her heart. “That can’t be right! I . . . I don’t believe it! I won’t believe it until you let me see him!”

“Sweetheart, please calm down,” Sarah soothed, pressing gently on her shoulders.

Emma shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Take me to see him. I want to . . . “ she choked out the next words, “say goodbye.” And prove to herself that he was really gone, because it just didn’t make sense. He couldn’t be, not after they had saved each other on the bridge. It wouldn’t be fair.

“I’m so, so sorry, Emma. You can’t -”

‘What do you mean I can’t?” she was getting frantic now.

Sarah’s face was tortured. “He was pinned behind the steering wheel, and they were having a hard time getting him out . . . there was an explosion. There . . . there’s nothing left. I’m sorry.”

The sob that tore out of Emma then threatened to break her heart in two.

Well he’s on the table and he’s gone to code and I do not think anyone knows what they’re doing here. And your friends have left you, you’ve been dismissed. I never thought it would come to this, and I, I want you to know, everyone’s got to face down the demons. Maybe you could put the past away.

Sarah approached the bed on soft steps, but Emma stayed curled up on the bed, her back to her foster mother. The woman eased onto the bed, then reached out with a gentle hand to Emma’s shoulder blade.

“Sweetheart, you need to try and eat something.”

Emma wiped at the ever-present tears of grief leaking from her eyes. “I’m not hungry. I told you, I’m sick.”

“I know you aren’t sick, Emma,” Sarah told her gently.

Emma bit her lower lip. Sarah couldn’t possibly know. Emma had aged out of the system by now; Sarah had taken her in out of the goodness of her heart, but she wasn’t her legal guardian. The hospital had taken a pregnancy test, but they couldn’t give those results to anyone but Emma.

“Sick, depressed, whatever,” Emma mumbled, “just go away and leave me alone.”

Sarah stroked her hair. “I can make an appointment with a clinic, honey, if you want me to.”

Emma rolled over then, anger rising to the surface. “I’m keeping it!” she snapped.

Sarah nodded calmly. “Okay. Well, when the time comes, I can help you call some agencies -”

“I mean,” Emma clarified through clenched teeth, “I’m keeping it. As in, forever.”

Sarah cupped her cheek. “Are you sure?”

Emma laid a protective hand over her womb. “He’s all I have of him. No one’s taking that away from me.”

She knew the baby was a boy from the very beginning, and she prayed he would look just like his father. When she looked into those familiar blue eyes and ran a hand over his jet-black baby fuzz, she wept with joy. For reasons she couldn’t explain, she named him Henry. It just felt right.

********************************************************

Emma toed her heels off the minute she came through the door. She couldn’t wait to get this honey-trap dress off. Especially since the asshole had spilled wine all over the front of it. She frowned at the quiet and darkness that greeted her in the apartment. She was just about to call out, when -

“Surprise!”

Emma shook her head and laughed as Henry and Sarah popped out from behind the kitchen island. Sarah had a plate with a cupcake on it, a birthday candle flickering in the middle of the pink icing.

“Did we surprise you, Mom?” Henry asked with a toothy grin.

“You sure did,” she assured him, tousling his messy dark hair. Killian’s eyes stared back at her in a face that was a perfect mixture of each of Henry’s parents. It still made her heart constrict to see the resemblance, though the pain had eased over the years. But no matter how many years passed, she knew no one would ever love her the way Killian had.

“Make a wish, sweetie,” Sarah said.

Emma made a big show of resting her chin on the kitchen island and quirking her brow as she thought of a good wish. Then she closed her eyes and blew out the candle. Sarah and Henry cheered. Little did they know she hadn’t wished for anything. The only thing she needed was right here in this room, and the only thing she wanted was gone and could never come home again.

They settled down at the table with their cupcakes, and Emma realized that Sarah seemed nervous for some reason. She fiddled with her cupcake, not even taking a bite, even though double chocolate fudge was her favorite.

“Emma,” she finally said slowly, “this is a very special birthday.”

Emma licked icing off her finger. “Oh no, don’t start in on the whole pushing thirty thing.”

“No,” Sarah said with a slightly awkward laugh, “it’s . . . meaningful, and well, there’s something I need to tell you. And I guess the best way to start is, Once Upon a Time . . . “

*******************************************************

The tale that Sarah wove was a difficult one to believe, to say the least, and it was only the dedication and support her foster mother had given her all those years of raising Henry that made her get in the car and head for a little quirky town called Storybrooke, Maine. That and Henry’s enthusiasm and whole hearted belief. She hadn’t been to Maine since the accident, and going back wasn’t easy.

It wasn’t easy accepting these people - David and Mary Margaret? Prince Charming and Snow White? - as her parents, either. Neither was it easy wrapping her mind around a town filled with fairy tale characters. And how in the world was she supposed to break a curse? True love’s kiss? Her whole world was wrapped up in her son, and . . .

Oh.

Her son was in a hospital room, coding, and then the next minute a rainbow was rippling across town. “I knew you could do it, Mom!” he beamed, like he hadn’t just died on her.

Then there was a purple cloud of freakin’ magic, and wraiths of all things, then she was falling through a damn portal. This woman, a woman her own age, was trying to mother her, and she was camping out with Mulan and Sleeping Beauty, and what even had become of her life? She didn’t think things could get any weirder.

Then there were piles of corpses with holes in their chests, and a hand reaching out, and Aurora yelling about someone being alive in there. And the man squinted, and looked up, and his eyes were blue like forget-me-nots and of a profound melancholy.

“Killian?” she breathed.

The color seemed to drain from his face, a face that was so much older, and full of so much more pain. Much like hers, she imagined.

She’d know that face anywhere, regardless of time.

“Emma?” he exclaimed, the tiniest of smiles lifting the corner of his mouth.

“You know this man?” her mother asked.

“Yes. He’s Henry’s father.”

The angry boy a bit too insane icing over a secret pain. You know you don’t belong. You’re the first to fight. You’re way too loud. You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud. I know something’s wrong. Well everyone I know has got a reason to say “put the past away.”

[tj-and-cyrus]

what’s in a name?

aka: instead of finishing a tarty fic, i accidentally wrote tyrus in one sitting because i had an idea and if i didn’t write it down i would Die Immediately.

AO3

Summary: Cyrus gets a call in the middle of the night from someone he doesn't recognize.

“...And who’s this?”

“The name’s James.”

Cyrus squinted at the clock on his nightstand “Okay…James, can I ask you why you’re calling me at three in the morning?” The boy on the other end of the phone swallowed audibly, and Cyrus made a face.

“I…might…have…feelingsforyou.” James spat out, stumbling over his words at every turn. Cyrus shifted around on his bed, frowning at the moonlight that glared right in his eyes throw his bedroom window. He blinked, trying to process this.

Some poor kid was crushing hard on a boy, and probably couldn’t sleep with everything going through his head, and it being a school night probably made it worse. So, rather than mulling and feeling anxious, he gets up at three in the morning to call said crush and confess his feelings. Cyrus didn’t judge him, almost everyone he knew made bold decisions while high off their own emotions.

He combed through his thoughts for a moment, trying to say something that wouldn’t upset the poor guy. Unfortunately what came out of his mouth was:

“I don’t really know you, I’m sorry. Who is this again?”

What the hell was that?!

“Eh, it’s fine,” James yawned, and Cyrus heard him moving around his room on the other end. “I should be getting some sleep anyways. Thanks for picking up, I guess. Man, I really shouldn’t do this while I’m stressed out from homework at… Christ, is it that late already? I have a game tomorrow. Shit.”

He’s trying to change the subject, I fucked up.

“Oh, cool! Do you play for the Jefferson basketball team?” Cyrus’ face went blank for a moment, his sleep-deprived brain struggling to piece together sentences like a normal human being. “I mean, assuming you go to my school that is, I don’t know where else you would have seen me.”

“No,”

Any longer in this conversation, and I’ll start sweating from anxiety. Awesome.

“— I play for the Otters…the Space Otters! You know, the Ultimate team?” James said cheerfully.

“Oh. Well, I’ve heard you guys are pretty good! I have a friend on the team.” Cyrus twisted his sheets around his finger, and James laughed rather awkwardly. “Are you feeling okay now? You sounded kind of upset before I asked who was calling me, you seem to be going through a lot.”

You sound like your parents!

“Yeah, I guess. School’s been kinda hard, I— I don’t know, I’ve only ever talked to one person about it.”

“Hm. Well, if that’s all you wanna say, that’s cool. I’m not the best with advice anyways.”

Why are you lying to him?

“I might call tomorrow or something, I don’t know. I’m sorry for bothering you.” James’ voice broke, and Cyrus’ heart went along with it.

“Don’t apologize!” Cyrus blurted. “You can call me at any time, I promise I’ll pick up.” He smiled softly, but mostly to himself, because James couldn’t see him right now.

“Hey Cyrus?”

“Yeah?”

The boy was very clearly crying now, or at least he was close to. His voice was wobbling up and down as he spoke, as if he was trying hard not to cry, but was about two seconds away from giving up. “Thanks for listening to me. I hope this didn’t ruining anything between us.” The low tone sounded through the phone speaker, and he knew James had hung up without waiting for a response.

Cyrus turned over and slammed his face straight into his pillow.

What a mess. Ughhhh. I’m usually so articulate!

He lifted his head up and unlocked his phone again to check his notifications. Usually he had a few from the Good Hair Crew’s group chat, (which Cyrus had set as the permanent name, much to the girls’ dismay,) but he was too tired to read through thirty-seven messages that probably weren’t important.

However, when he did open the app, he was reminded that the last person he had sent a text to was TJ Kippen. None of his friends were quite ready to invite him into their silly little group chats, but Cyrus texted him enough to make up for it, for sure.

He checked his calls. He hadn’t missed any, that was good.

Call at 3:14 AM: 747-393-8572

Would you like to start a conversation with 747-393-8572?

[ yes ]                                       [ no ]

Cyrus selected ‘ no ’ almost immediately, opting to create a contact for him instead, in case he followed through on his promise to call again.

New Contact:

[First Name:]   James       [Last Name:]  ???

- plays for the space otters team!

- lowkey crushing on me? hh??

- how does he know me?

But I don’t even know you.

Cyrus shut off his phone and set it back on his nightstand. He fell asleep a moment later, with those words ringing in his ears.

“Hey, Underdog!” Cyrus stifled a giggle over TJ’s stupid nickname. As much as he hated (but secretly liked) to admit it, it had stuck between the two of them. This whole nicknames thing.

“Hey!” Cyrus called out in response, and waited until TJ reached his side so they could walk to class next to each other. “This might sound weird, but this random kid called me in the middle of the night, or morning I guess, and apparently he goes to our school.”

“What did he say?”

“I think he just called to say he has feelings for me. I don’t even know him, it was kind of weird. But I’m glad I helped him sort his feelings out at…three a.m. I don’t even know if I have feelings for anyone right now, I’m pretty inexperienced with all this stuff. I hope I said the right things.”

TJ shook his head and laughed through his teeth, and then switched the conversation. Cyrus caught it, but didn’t say anything.

“Dude, the homework last night was such shit. I lost so much sleep over it, I’m fucking exhausted.” TJ rubbed at his eyes and yawned.

“I don’t even know anyone names James. I mean— shit, sorry— tell me about it, it took forever to get done.” Cyrus agreed, gripping the straps on his backpack anxiously.

“I don’t even think I finished mine.”

Cyrus’ brow furrowed, but he tried his best not to look disappointed in him. “TJ, we talked about this.”

“I know, I know. I’ve just had a lot going on lately, what’s one more zero on my report card?” TJ asked, but he knew it was a stupid question.

“Like, a lot, actually. We’re almost at the end of the semester, I kinda worry about your grades,” Cyrus laughed, but he wasn’t joking my any means.

“What are you, my parents?” TJ asked rhetorically, and got nervous when he saw Cyrus’ expression fall. “Sorry— you know what I meant. I don’t think the teacher can hate me any more than she already does.” When Cyrus still looked worried, he added “Plus, I have a B-minus in the class right now. If the semester’s almost over, all I have to do is make sure it doesn’t drop below a C, I’ll still be passing.”

Cyrus sighed, and TJ tried his best to pretend it didn’t hurt.

“Kippen,” the teacher began flatly when she reached his desk. “This is the second week in a row you haven’t been turning in your homework. Or actually completing it, I assume. At this point, you’re rather lucky to be doing well on your actual class work assignments, they’re the only thing keeping your grade afloat.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow at this.

TJ turned a dark shade of red as he felt the stares of a million kids burn into the back of his skull. “What? But I turned it in all of last week!”

The teacher peered down at her clipboard checklist over the rims of her old 70’s-something-looking glasses. “I’m afraid Mr. Goodman here turning in your homework for you while you were ‘out sick’ doesn’t qualify for you actually doing the work, Mr. Kippen.”

Both of the boys’ eyes shifted back down to their desks in embarrassment, and the teacher collected Cyrus’ homework, marking an ‘X’ through TJ’s name on the list. She announced that “last night’s homework will be graded by your peers, to take away some of the difficulty of entering all these end-of-the-semester grades”.

Cyrus was about to ask Gus to trade homework with him, since Jonah was absent at a therapy appointment for the period; when TJ slapped a pile of papers down of his desk. Cyrus looked through it, and it was all of his homework for the past month, completed, but untouched by the teacher’s pen markings.

“What? You did the homework?! TJ, what the fuck!” Cyrus exclaimed, struggling to keep his voice low, even over the ambient chatter of other students’ voices.

“What’s the point?” TJ groaned. “I would have gotten everything wrong anyways.”

“You don’t know that!” Cyrus reminded him, still a little hysterical. “I thought your tutor was helping you!”

“I don’t have one, I only said that so you didn’t have to watch me fuck up every day after school for the whole semester.”

“But…I… that’s…TJ! Why did you wait to tell me until just now?”

TJ brushed it off rather immaturely, and shrugged. “Don’t know, just been feeling a little risky lately.” Cyrus was immediately terrified of the several implications of that sentence; but TJ had slid the top paper in his stack of homework onto Cyrus’ desk, and stuffed the rest in the recycling bin near the classroom’s doorway.

“Okay, uh…what’s your answer for the first question?” Cyrus asked, once TJ sat back down in his squeaky metal chair.

“Forty-five point six.” TJ replied, without looking up from his phone, which he hid on the inside of his desk from the teacher’s view.

“Really? Because the correct answer isn’t even close to that, and your paper says something else—“

“Yeah, Cyrus! No shit! I haven’t had above a C in this class all semester, everything on that paper is so fucking incoherent to me at this point, I’ve given up. And you can’t try and fix me anymore, alright? So just, please , leave me the fuck alone!”

All Cyrus did in response as TJ stormed out of the classroom, was blink rapidly to keep tears from inevitably forming in his eyes.

What was that?

He’s never been that...sudden.

“Would you like to accompany him, Mr. Goodman?” He heard the teacher ask him from the back of the room where she sat. Cyrus nodded.

“Yeah I just— give me second.” His gaze fell on the recycling bin, now filled almost solely with TJ’s math homework. Most were crumpled up in some form, except for the ones Cyrus had helped him work on after school. Cyrus held the previous night’s assignment in his hands.

Several questions had been erased and redone several times, some were covered in numbers that overlapped, and a couple were scratched out entirely, in ugly dark led that tore into the paper. Cyrus looked back at all the papers in the bin, and they were all in the same general condition.

And on the top of every single paper, it read ‘Tyler James Kippen.’

Oh no.

Oh my god, no.

Cyrus stared at the name until tears blurred the words out, and he felt them start to fall.

He doesn’t like you, he doesn’t even know who you are yet. Because you didn’t tell him! You lied! You lied so much. You’re awful, do you know that?

TJ ran his shaking hands through his hair. He’d been crying for a good twenty minutes, still unsure of why he was so stressed and emotional over a stupid crush. It was already eleven, somehow, and he had skipped dinner with his parents to shut himself inside his room like the loser he was. He turned to his bedroom door when he heard a knock, and Amber walked in, looking concerned.

“Hey. I heard the door slam shut when you got home earlier, but I wanted to wait until you were feeling a little…” TJ scrubbed his swollen eyes and glared at her through them. “...better.” 

TJ didn’t look up at her, until she shoved something in front of him. “You can use my phone again, if you plan on calling him tonight.”

“How d—”

“I know you stole it yesterday.” She sighed, and set it down on the bed next to him. TJ stared at the phone, like it would shock him if he touched it. Amber tried to change the subject. “How’d the game go today? Did you guys get crushed by the Raptors again?”

“Shut up,” TJ sniffed, but smiled at her through his drying tears. “And I skipped. I’ve probably got a million texts and calls from the team, I promised I wouldn’t miss this one. Well, after I got suspended for failing class. I don’t think coach would let me play anyways.” He put his head in his hands before continuing. “God, I fucked up today, Amber. I really did. I think Cyrus hates me.”

“Well, you don’t have to tell me what happened today, then. But there is someone you should be be calling right now. She tapped on the dark phone screen, and TJ stared at it for a good minute before picking it up and dialing Cyrus’ number.

He drew in a deep breath, and pressed “ call ”.

Why are you lying to him?

Why did you have to pretend?

“Oh thank god, he picked up. Uh— hey, Cyrus. It’s uh…it’s TJ. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but can we talk for a second? Like, in person? I’m uh. I’m outside you house. Amber drove me here. Please answer the door.”

The line went dead, and Cyrus bolted upright from his couch.

“You look…upset.”

“Nothing gets past you, Cyrus.” Tyler James Kippen himself stood on the Goodmans’ porch in a gray shirt and patterned pajama pants, with a dark teal flannel thrown over it. His sister, Amber, stood behind him, looking just as tired and disheveled. But she was smiling at him, and shoved him closer to Cyrus’ open doorway.

“Are...you mad at me, TJ?” Was the first thing he managed to ask.

Unfortunate.

TJ shook his head, which was full of far too many things to comprehend right then. “What?”

“From class today. Was it something I said?”

“God damn it, Cyrus, I like you!” TJ almost shouted, but was quick to stop himself from waking the whole neighborhood with his confession. Amber chuckled from the porch steps, and stopped when TJ shot her a look.

“I’ll…go wait…in the car.” She covered her mouth with a hand to hide her growing smile.

“Oh, yeah…that.” Cyrus continued after Amber had shut the car door.

“Did you know it was me? I thought it was kind of obvious. I’m a pretty awful liar.”

“I didn’t until I saw your papers in the trash can,” Cyrus replied. TJ stared at the ground and nodded. “You write your full name on them, you’re such a dork.” He added.

Cyrus suddenly surprised all three of them, including himself, when he pulled the taller boy in and kissed him. He noticed TJ’s wide eyes when they broke apart.

Amber tried not to smile like an idiot at her brother, who had fallen for this absolute nerd . She turned away and acted like it was none of her business so TJ wouldn’t be pissed off.

Now it was TJ’s turn to smile and lean in for another. Cyrus happily accepted, and wrapped his hands around the back of the boy’s neck, angling their lips to fit perfectly. When he pulled back to breathe at last, Cyrus ran a hand through TJ’s hair. It was much softer after the gel had been washed out of it.

“Hmm. I think I like it better like this,” Cyrus hummed in his ear.

“I’ll be sure to wear it like this more often, then,” TJ whispered back, and rested his head on the shorter boy’s shoulder. “I’m tired, Underdog. I think I used up a month’s worth of emotion in these two days alone. I’m burned out. Can I stay at your house?”

“My parents are already asleep,” Cyrus reminded him, and gestured to their bedroom upstairs and down the hall, where his mom was snoring loudly. “Maybe tomorrow, though?”

“Ughhhhh.” TJ groaned, and turned to look back at Amber, who smiled and waved innocently from the car window at the pair. “I’ve gotten like two hours of sleep in the past two days.”

“Go and fix that then, I’ll see you again tomorrow, Kippen.” Cyrus said, and moved TJ towards the porch steps. He kissed him quickly, one more time, and TJ stooped down the stairs as slowly as possible. When he reached Amber, he sat in the backseat on the driver’s side, so he could blow Cyrus a kiss from the window. Amber reached behind her seat to smack him, but TJ was lost in his own his thoughts. He was totally in love with Cyrus Goodman.

Edit Contact:

[First Name:]   TJ     [Last Name:]  Kippen

plays for the jefferson high basketball team

my boyfriend??? :)

[clumsyclifford]

hello!! i am back and on desktop this time. the blog is just as pretty. alex + yellow = v v attractive jfc. this is a long one so buckle in.

to begin: i hope you have the most fun on your day road trip and sing your heart out to atl and taylor swift. i love driving long distances and idk just driving in general is fun. have the absolute best time MWAH

my birthday is in november!! november 23 to be specific. i share it with miley cyrus which is something i always found to be very cool when i was growing up and watching hannah montana. it also means i am a sagittarius and funny little fact i realized is that my best friend is a gemini. alex and jack are also a sagittarius and a gemini. from being 13 i know that tyler and josh from twenty one pilots are also a sagittarius and a gemini. something about sagittarius and gemini besties idk.

also yeah!! ao3 year in review!! it's a bit complicated to figure out at first and if you read a lot the finding pages thing can be pretty tedious, but it's def worth it once you figure it out. it gives you a lot of different stats about everything you read and it's pretty cool. now i am going to go look at your fics to remember my favs. you deserve the praise so i am willing to offer it. jeez you write a lot i respect the motivation sm. you write quite a bit of angst and i won't lie i try to stay away from angst so i haven't read your fics that seem super angst-y based on the tags. BUT there are still so many i recall reading and loving nonetheless. on a quick scroll-through: i usually don't read high school AUs but "paint me in trust (i'll be your best friend)" was super adorable and lovely. "thank god i'm yours" is one of my favs iirc. also i love love love "it's not always easy (but i'm here forever)" like yes please romanticize alex gaskarth i love it sm. "i won't be silent (and i won't let go)" and "i fell asleep in a city that doesn't" are both super fluffy and romantic and are favs of mine. in case you haven't picked up on it i adore very fluffy and romantic fics lmao. alright i am continuing to scroll and there are so many more i could list that i love but this section is getting quite long. just know if it's about a kitchen or hotel rooms being for lovers i probably read it and adored it and that pov is so valid.

waterparks!! will not lie i only really started listening to them about 6 months ago having been distantly aware of their existence for several years by being a fan of bands in the same genre. listen as long as you let yourself be vaguely annoyed by awsten is prevents you from being in love with him. follow him on any social media platform for like a day and you'll be sick of him typing in nothing but all caps within hours. simply do not romanticize him and you can keep yourself from falling!! so this is coming from a slightly fake parx fan, but some of my favs by them have been peach (lobotomy), crave, numb, fuzzy, violet!, you'd be paranoid too, and lowkey as hell. that is a very songs-from-their-most-recent-album-heavy rec, but whatever. i did give the disclaimer about being a fake parx fan.

yeah hayley does have 2 solo albums now!! petals for armor and flowers for vases / descansos. pfa is the one i didn't really like upon first listen but has grown on me. i haven't even listened to the second one in its entirety oops but we won't mention it. dead horse is good but simmer (pretty sure that was the other single??) just ain't it for me. the album has some lovely songs but it's just a hit or miss album all the way through. some favs of mine on it include pure love, taken, crystal clear, watch me while i bloom, and why we ever. it's sorta a storyline album about healing if that adds anything to it?? but anyways. i started listening to paramore around the time after laughter dropped and it grew to be one of my fav albums in existence. idle worship is probably one of my fav songs like ever. i def understand being slightly put off by bands with songs that make religious references (me with twenty one pilots' earlier music that makes a lot more religious references considering i'm not religious whatsoever) but i think i am blinded by being in love with hayley williams and just ignore it. idk that she's like super religious?? she's addressed believing in god and stuff a few times but she's def not the "rub it in your face" type and if she's making refs in music more recently then they're subtle enough i'm not noticing them. ik albums like brand new eyes had a lot more because it was shortly after that the band split and the songwriting process was essentially her and ex-bandmate co-songwriter arguing about their religious beliefs (turns out he ended up being super homophobic and transphobic all based on his religion so do with that what u will and thank the clown for leaving). i feel u on the "i meant to start listening to them" because that's essentially how i started listening to them. i told myself i was going to and then finally forced myself to do it. fuck falling for awsten knight what's more risky is falling in love with hayley </3

also yeah!! you've articulated my feelings towards tde. every song is so vastly different that it's hard to like it all. #1 fan is pretty decent though, and that's not just my bias about finding both ross and his gf hot and a cute couple and getting to see them together and ross half naked in a mirror in the video nope not at all. he's my fav himbo!! he has no personality!! no thoughts head empty!! i still love him and his strawberry-growing saga on twitter tho <3 the hazard of being in love with ross lynch since i was 12. girlfriend better be a fucking banger and there's quite a few already released singles in the tracklist so i have hope. i believe my show is in chicago on november 19 which is a thursday. kinda sucks since i intentionally bought the chicago tix nearly two years ago (the show was originally supposed to be april 25 2020. lol.) because the show was on a saturday and i have to drive 3 hours to get there. obviously i can't speak for them as tde but r5 shows always fucking slapped and i can vouch for them (realized i haven't seem them live since 2016?? 5 YEARS?? wtf) so if u genuinely like them. would recommend going to see them.

anyways. i have not listened to luke's solo album yet. i plan on it. this has gotten so long but i tried to respond in all areas and even organized it in different paragraphs this time (thanks being on desktop!!). hope you are well. hope you have a lovely day. hmm what's a little "going on in my life" fact. i got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes essentially said fuck off because adjusting to the new prescription has left me with eyes that hurt and occasionally slightly nauseous. here is to hoping my eyes get their shit together. mwah LOVE YOU TOO - the other bella/cubs anon/idk

okay hi hello. i have put this off because holy hell it's long but let's do it. i am putting a cut because this whole thing is long even without my answer

first: the road trip was super fun thank you!!! i am intrigued by this information regarding sags and geminis, we should do some scientific inquiry. enquiry. i don't know if there's a difference between those words.

aha! well i tried the ao3 year in review thing and i would say it had about 55% accuracy but still i agree it's fun to look back at that kind of stuff. and i feel you on the angst thing i go through phases of writing angst-heavy stuff and then writing very fluffy stuff and it is entirely based on my mental state buuuut i have lots of fluff and i'm glad you found it all and that you liked it yay <333 KITCHENS ARE FOR LOVERS i will die on that fuckin hill. hotel rooms as well but primarily kitchens.

dfgjhgdlfkhgdfmj honestly i dont use twitter enough that i would see his tweets enough that that would bother me also the fact that he tweets in all caps means that i just picture him yelling everything he tweets which i find absolutely hysterical so i don't think that would help. i have added these parx songs to my listen asap playlist and will get to them when i get a chance thank you i am excited also i already know lowkey as hell and it slaps super hard so im very much lookin forward to the rest of these. merci merci

YEAH simmer was the one i didnt vibe with. and honestly i feel zero compulsion to get into hayley williams as a solo artist. i just don't vibe enough to want to do that so i doubt i'll be listening to her anytime soon but maybe if i hear the songs in passing or get super bored one night, idk who can really say. but yeah christianity typically puts me off of music (speaking as a very jewish bitch) although there are notable exceptions in the cases of thomas rhett and the driver era. i'm just not attached to hayley enough to be like ehhh this doesnt matter. does that make sense

FAVORITE HIMBO PLEASE HGSDFGDFGKLFGJ i dont follow him on twitter but i have seen some interviews of ross and rocky and tbh they're great i love the way ross speaks like i like his speech mannerisms and i like his FACE and HAIR and. yeah. i think hes pretty. and i think he and 5sos SHOULD collab i think that would be sexy as hell. can you imagine that. oh my god can you imagine a ross lynch/luke hemmings collab. i'm not even really talking to you anymore bella because i know you haven't listened to luke yet and don't have a stake in it but if anyone else is reading this long ass answer. ross & luke collab. okay im going to move on and not think about that now. but i probably won't see tde unless i get a job this semester because i'm trying to stop spending so much money on big indulgent things like concerts likeee i was in a really good habit of not spending that much and then suddenly i got paid for one summer and i was just goin Crazy and i need to dial it back. plus i wanna see ajr and noah kahan equally bad so like. i have to make some calls about priorities here. it's Much to think about

good luck to your eyes i'm sure your new glasses are hella cute tho!!! LOVE YOUUUUUUU

[ltleflrt]

Because I regard you essentially as royalty in terms of Destiel fic, can you maybe give us a basic rundown on how to write a fic? Or a detailed one, if you want. Like, what is your process? How do you plan it out? How/when do you pick a title? Because I've tried before to write multi-chapter fics and I just end up giving up on it because I either took too long between updates because ya know life and forgot things or because I didn't plan enough and no longer know what I'm doing.

Hold on hold on hold on...

*walks away for a minute and muppet flails*

Okay, I’m back, and thank you for the sweet compliment! :D

So, my process; I have one!  I didn’t used to think so, because it felt chaotic and without form, but as I’ve started helping other people with their writing I’ve started to see a pattern in how I come up with stories and make them happen.

Obviously the first step is the The Idea.  I get them from all over the place.  I’m a daydreamer, so sometimes they just pop up out of the blue, and in a lot of cases they’re inspired by some other media.  A book, a fic, a movie, a song... I think that’s pretty common.  I also have a tendency of looking at my favorite tropes (and I mean REALLY LOOKING, by consuming any and all of it I can find lol) and thinking to myself, “how can I flip that upside down?”.  

Kiss the Baker was the result of reading all the Gay Panic Dean fics I could find and reading them until I started wondering if there would ever be a universe where Dean didn’t have a gay panic.  

The idea for Satin and Sawdust came from the fact that I’ve written two fics tagged “Dean Thinks He’s Heterosexual” and it made me wonder why I never see any Gay Panic Castiel fics.  

Anyway, ideas come from all over.  And they’re fleeting, so I write them all down.  I have a huge list.  Whenever one of those AU lists comes around on my dash I copy my favorites into my list.  It’s very long lol.  Which is good, because sometimes I’ll come up with an idea like “I want to see Cas be the one who thinks he’s het this time” and get stuck.  Like wtf do I do next?

Answer: I refer back to The List.  Because sometimes I can pick out several of those ideas and smush them together.  I took Carpenter!Dean, and Dean Loves Wearing Panties from the list, and scrolled down until I found Veterinarian AU, and I start trying to connect the dots.

Remember in writing classes in Jr High and High School we were taught to make those bubble charts?  You write something in a bubble, and then branch off bubbles around it?  I do that in my head.  I start making things connect.  I cross out things that won’t fit.  I have a special file for whatever story idea I’m working on and it looks vaguely like an outline because it’s that list of ideas with notes for ideas, or snippets of conversation.  If I chat about it with my friends (almost always @jupiterjames) I’ll copy/paste those conversations into that file.  I’ll list songs... anything that gives me a feel for what’s starting to form.  If I have any title ideas they’ll go in there too.

Speaking of titles, THEY’RE HARD.  I hate them.  Occasionally something will pop in my head before I even start working on the fic, and I swear that angels sing when that happens.  But for the most part I have to brainstorm and brainstorm, and get advise from friends, and I google quotes about themes I think my story will encompass.  It’s a struggle.  My least favorite part of the writing process next to connecting large plot points lol.  But I’ve gotta have a title before I post it, so I’ll have something by the time I’m done with the first chapter.  

Just for funsies, here’s my notes file for Satin and Sawdust.

Anywho, that’s all the developing stuff.  I don’t actually go into the notes file all that much afterwards.  When I have big gaps between chapters I will, plus I’ll re-read everything I’ve written already.  But I hold quite a bit of that junk in my head. If you’re having problems remembering, make the file!  Visit it often!

Believe it or not, at this point, the story is still pretty nebulous.  I’ll usually have several directions the story can take at different junctions, and I don’t think too hard about them until I get there.  I think about my stories in more detail a chapter at a time.  I focus on a single scene, or the small group of scenes that are related enough to put in a single chapter.  I zero in on those details and forget about what’s going to come afterwards.  

Breaking down the larger idea into smaller chunks is the only way I can work myself through a 100k+ beast without going mad.  And honestly, I still drive myself a little crazy.  I have to stop looking at the big picture, or I’ll give up just because the idea is too overwhelming.

Once I’ve got a chapter done, then I take a few days and I start considering the cloudy visions in my head and pluck out the scene I think needs to come next.  It usually takes me 2-4 days of contemplation before I’m ready to sit down and make words happen again.  Writing a 4k-8k chapter takes me 2-3 days.  So between the contemplation break and the actual writing, I take about a week.  

Life definitely gets in the way sometimes.  When I was in the middle of Addicted To You, I had reconstructive surgery on my face.  I was doped up on super strong pain meds and couldn’t wear my glasses for almost a month.  So obviously I took some time off, and I was SO MISERABLE (seriously, don’t break your face, it’s the worst) that I couldn’t even think about the story, much less writing.  When I felt well enough to get back to it I re-read what I had already twice, plus went over my notes file, plus I listened to all the dirty sex songs I could find to get my mind back into the groove for it.  It felt like doing homework, but it was the only way I could remember wtf I was doing.  I’m sure I lost some of my initial plans, but that’s normal with any story I work on.  And it turned out okay lol

And last of all, find someone who’ll let you ramble at them about your stories.  Someone who will genuinely pay attention, not just nod and smile.  I did a lot of writing on my own, but a lot of my Dragon Age and Mass Effect fics wouldn’t exist without @hot-elf being my sounding board and cheerleader.  And same goes for my Supernatural fics and @jupiterjames.  I would probably have written just a tiny fraction of my stories if it weren’t for them.  Chatting about my stories helps me develop my ideas, and keeps me motivated.  When I’m stressed I’ll send a chapter to JJ with just a request to Validate Me! and she always knows how to talk me out of my angst.  I will talk out my ideas with other people as well, but they’ve been the biggest influences on my writing, so THANKS LADIES I LOVE YOU! 

Writing Buddies Are The Best.  

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say about my process.  I hope it answered all your questions and gave you some ideas on how to work on your own stuff.  And if you ever have an idea you want to talk about, feel free to send me chat messages :D

[louisfeatharry]

* newly added fics to my fic rec page as of 08/18/17 (29 fics in total) all fics are larry unless specified otherwise • more recent recs

✨ indicates favorites of mine!

✨ Be Still by thisonegoes (150k) [zarry, au, detectives, angst, prose]

Zayn hears the telltale sound of stretcher wheels bouncing up over a weather strip. A tech backs out of the door first, as both Zayn and Harry turn to watch. They wheel the black body bag out and lift it down the stairs, to take her away. She's officially cleared for transport, no longer a resident of the household. She's now just a corpse wrapped in plastic.

When they finally turn back to one another, Harry blinks and then shatters into pieces.

Detective Zayn AU.

call me a safe bet (i’m betting i’m not) by mrsenjolras (29k) [lirry, au, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, angst, pining]

They agreed that it would be too hard for them to keep up their relationship long distance, that they didn’t want to risk losing their friendship. So it made sense that when Harry was away, they saw other people. They’re the same as they always are when they’re together--Harry guesses you could call them friends with benefits, but he doesn’t think that really encompasses what they mean to each other. Louis calls them idiots, which, well, probably isn’t all that inaccurate.

It’s not really that big of a deal. Harry is happy. Liam is happy--well, Harry’s pretty sure Liam is happy. So Louis can just shut it.

[Or: Liam and Harry have an arrangement, and it all goes great, until it doesn't.]

Can’t Fool Me by emma1234 (25k) [au, uni, secret relationship, fluff, smut]

“I hate frats,” Louis repeats for what feels like the millionth time.

“Yes, I’ve heard, once or twice or every day for the past three years,” Liam says. His careful tone reminds Louis of how his mom always sounds when one of his siblings is on the brink of a tantrum.

Louis glances speculatively at Liam’s frat brothers, who are still huddled together and chatting, with the exception of the one who’s looking in Louis’ direction. Maybe Louis shouldn’t rule out a tantrum. While making a scene wouldn’t actually free him from fraternity nonsense in the future, it would at least be entertaining.

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

Counting The Steps Between Us by zarah5 (24k) [au, pining, friends to lovers]

AU. So, yeah. That year abroad helped Harry establish that he is in love with his best friend. Now, if Louis would stop treating him like a little brother, that would be awesome. (Additional ingredients: a collapsing tree house, a lot of pining, the other three boys as Louis' new best mates from university, and a camping trip. Serve hot.)

End of the World Tonight by whoknows (12k) [ou, exes to lovers, coming out, angst]

“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.

“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.

feel so foolish by juliusschmidt (13k) [au, high school, pining, fluff]

Louis and his friends keep laughing at Harry; he's sure of it. But he's not sure why.

for now (and forever) by orphan_account (83k) [au, military/war, fake relationship, friends to lovers, slow burn]

"It's nice that you want to offer that, but I just can't do that. First of all, it's illegal."

Louis shakes his head vigorously. "No, no. It's not like one of us is gunning for a visa."

"Listen to yourself," Harry laughs, shaking Louis' shoulders. "Don't you think it's a bit weird to con the country you're supposed to be serving?"

Louis is going into the Army, Harry is going nowhere, and there's nothing like a little identity fraud between friends.

glimpse of the silhouettes by orphan_account (7k) [ou, pwp]

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

✨ Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds (88k) [au, historical/past setting, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, out, pining, angst, fluff, smut]

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

-

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

If I Fall For You, Would You Fall Too? by slashter (29k) [zourry, au, fluff, famous/nonfamous, smut]

“Fuck, Louis, most of us can’t even find one person to date, and you go and land yourself two!”

Louis flips Niall off and closes his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the blond’s peals of laughter. It’s true what Niall says, he can’t have them both. And this is him imagining that either of them would even want to get with him, which he knows is pretty much ridiculous considering the fact that they’re obviously seeing each other and why the hell would you pick Louis Tomlinson over Harry Styles or Zayn Malik?

[Or the one where Louis is a uni dropout who's just managed to land a new job as a housemaid, and he ends up getting to clean the shared apartment of well-known socialites Harry and Zayn]

Infinity in Always by cumquat (22k) [au, hurt, angst]

A stranger greets Louis whenever he looks in a mirror—a stranger with sunken eyes, sharp cheekbones and hollow cheeks, whose strands of mousy hair tangle into intricate knots; curl into something akin to a broken halo.

Every morning he recites, speaks to no one but himself so he could try and remember that, “This is me. This is how I look like.” The simple act is done so often that it has become more like a ritual than a routine; and even then it’s only part of what he must do the second moonlight dies and day breathes again.

(In which Louis suffers from prosopagnosia; he can’t recognize faces, even familiar ones. He can’t remember his own face, let alone Harry’s, but he remembers the way his skin feels under his fingertips, how he trembles under his touch as if Louis is fire, and Harry is nothing but mere paper, disintegrating into ash)

✨ keep the light on by renlyne (43k) [gryles, ou, friends to lovers, slow burn, angst]

but·ter·fly ef·fect noun 1. (with reference to chaos theory) the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. 2. a cumulatively large effect that a very small or seemingly insignificant natural force may produce over a period of time. In which Harry Styles tears up over glitter, and Nick Grimshaw’s life becomes immeasurably more complicated.

Or: it’s 2020, and really, better late than never.

✨ Like an Endless Summer by Anonymous (87k) [au, summer, slow burn, friends to lovers, pining, fluff]

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

✨ Lost for Words by AGreatPerhaps12 (102k) [ziam, au, summer, hurt/comfort, innocent/bad boy, fluff, angst, pining]

"Zayn was so stunning and so consistently kind to Liam that his stupid heart had the annoying habit of practically vibrating in his chest whenever they were together. Liam wasn’t deep enough in denial not to know what that meant anymore, but he was still forcing the feeling down as vehemently as possible. It was difficult, though, when Zayn turned to Liam with that smile and said his name like he was worth time and attention, and all the while in the back of his mind there was this chant of—

Get the fuck out of my house. I’m not having a fag for a son. I want you and your shit gone by the time I get back.

—Yeah. That."

Or: The one where Liam has a stutter and zero self confidence, and Zayn has a carefully controlled temper (also starring Louis and Harry as that disgustingly-in-love couple and Niall as the only straight guy around, apparently).

One of the Beautiful People by cantgetnoworse (24k) [au, fluff]

Louis is a sparkly go-go dancer on Saturdays. Zayn is his lifelong best friend with benefits. Zayn falls for someone new and Louis' world turns upside down.

✨ pray for some sweet simplicity by delsicle (237k) [au, a/b/o, enemies to lovers, sports, secret relationship, angst, smut]

Louis is the only omega to ever make it in the cut-throat world of competitive motorcycle racing—that is, he would be if anyone actually knew about his identity. Now, his sights are set towards competing in—and winning—the European Grand Prix, the biggest and most difficult race of the entire year, so he can disappear underground for good. He’s close enough, too, until an alpha sports journalist is assigned to follow Louis’s every move as he prepares for the event of his career.

Or, an AU where motorcycle racing is the biggest sport in a heavily divided world, Louis is trying to take control of his own destiny, and Harry is in for more than he bargained for.

Small Doses (Loving You It’s Explosive) by Anonymous (38k) [au, enemies to lovers, smut]

Louis Tomlinson finds himself at Vitality Fitness to try and turn his life around after having left his cheating boyfriend of four years. The gym's owner, Liam, quickly becomes a good friend, but his right hand man is rude and dismissive from the get-go. Louis and Harry continue to clash all while Harry is trying to move his way up the ranks in Manchester's amateur boxing circuit, but they can't seem to stay away from each other.

Something That Scares Me About Love by justyrae (51k) [lilo, ou, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, kid fic]

Louis has always been fairly good at hiding things he didn't want to share. If he doesn't learn to start sharing, pretty soon he won't have anyone left to hide things from.

Something to Be by aguantare (12k) [au, uni, sports, angst]

Louis plays football for UCLA; Harry used to love football.

Standing on the Edge of Forever by EllaO (55k) [au, kid fic, angst]

“So let me get this straight. You took Mr. Squiggles from the classroom habitat, took him with you on your fieldtrip to the zoo, and released him in the aviary?”

Harry Styles is a single father, just trying to keep his life organized after losing his husband four years earlier. Between his daughter, Liam's hellion twins, and Sophia throwing him into any romantic tangle she can think of, life gets a little crazy. Of course, everything changes the moment Lo and the twins get interested in their school musical, The Wizard of Oz. Because the new director, Louis Tomlinson, is just about the most attractive man that Harry has ever seen.

Featuring adorable Dad Harry, hotshot actor Louis, three sassy kids, a badass Sophia Smith, and a Liam who just wants all their kids to be well behaved.

Take Me Back to Where We Started by amory (27k) [au, exes to lovers, famous/nonfamous, angst]

Harry and Louis haven't spoken since they broke up four years ago. As boarding school sweethearts they once spent every waking moment together, but now they can hardly stand to be in the same room. When their five year class reunion comes around, both boys decide against their better judgement to return and (hopefully) have a good time.

The only problem is, they're both still hopelessly in love.

Starring Harry as the petty ex, Louis as the new James Bond, Niall as a boy genius and fake boyfriend extraordinaire, and Liam and Zayn as two friends just trying to make it out of this weekend alive.

✨ Tell Me How To Feel About You Now by justyrae (38k) [au, famous/nonfamous, friends to lovers, exes to lovers, smut]

Louis thought it would feel different once he got to LA. He knew it was best for him; a fresh start as far away as he could get. But when the plane touched down and he stepped out into the hot air around LAX, Louis felt exactly the same.

There's still a hole in his chest where his heart used to be; ripped away even after trying for so many years to keep it from happening. He knows it's not all his fault, not by a mile, but it doesn't stop him from blaming himself for it all going wrong.

If he'd just stayed strong, if he'd said no when he said yes, maybe everything would be different.

Or, Harry has been trying to convince Louis to date him for years, but Louis has always been wary of Harry’s fairly obvious commitment issues. Louis eventually gives him a chance, opening his heart up to the one thing he fears.

under me, you by hazzafrazza (12k) [ou, friends to lovers, pining]

You Won’t Believe Who Was Spotted Leaving Harry Styles’ Primrose Hill Pad!

If Harry was being completely honest, it probably wasn’t the best idea to be a world-renowned popstar and an infamous vigilante.

(Especially when all the comic books said never reveal your secret identity to keep your loved ones safe – which was all well and good, until Louis.)

Or: Harry wants a lot of things – fame, glory, Louis – but that last one is particularly hard to get when everyone thinks you’re dating your secret superhero alter-ego and suddenly you’ve become your own worst cockblock.

✨ we’ll play hide and seek to turn this around (give me love like never before) by Wankerville (19k) [au, uni, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst]

“So here's the thing,” he starts. “I didn't mean what I said a few weeks ago to like, hurt your feelings or anything. If you like painting your nails, then you should do that, and not like, care if anyone else doesn't like it because their opinions shouldn't matter, you know?” Louis takes a breath, finally glancing over to see the boy wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. On a whim, he adds, “And like, I noticed you scraping it off and you haven't been wearing any and I think you should because that's what you like.”

or an au where harry paints his nails and drinks strawberry milk and is too nervous for it to be nothing and louis' just trying to figure out whats wrong with him

We’re Like Bumper Cars by sincehewaseighteen (31k) [au, high school, sports, enemies to lovers, smut]

“I have won, I won the final cross country. I win, Harry--”

“Whoever gets to fucking nationals wins it, pretty boy,” Harry teases. “You haven’t won. Interhouse is nothing compared to nationals, or interstate. You haven’t even won interschool. You can dream all you fucking want that you’ve won.”

Louis becomes so ignorant he decides to no longer eye the boy taunting him. “Trophies prove it all, Styles.”

“Where’s your trophy for biggest asshole?”

“Where’s yours for winning cross country?”

Harry growls before hooking his fingers in Louis’ belt loops and bringing them together for a flat kiss.

Or the AU where Louis and Harry are rivals of the century and Cross Country competitors before things get complicated and they play pretend.

What’s Stopping You? by kikikryslee (14k) [au, neighbors/roommates, friends to lovers, online, pining]

That shirt was what held his attention again. How many other guys had the same shirt that H and Harry had, and – wait. H… Harry. Harry did yoga. So did H. They both had the same shirt, and had both gotten home ten minutes ago and were cooking dinner.

No way.

Louis looked at the picture again, and stared more closely at H’s lips. They were pink and pouty, with the lower lip a bit plumper than the top, just like Harry. And H had brown, curly hair that reached his shoulders, just like Harry.

Louis looked over at Harry, who was putting his hair back up into a bun as the kitchen was most likely getting warmer.

“Holy shit,” Louis whispered. Have I been flirting with my own roommate all this time? --- Or, the one where Harry wants to get over his crush on Louis, so he makes a Grindr account to find someone new. Of course, Louis messages him, not realizing H's real identity. It only takes a few days for them to figure it out.

✨ You’ll Be The Death of Me by YinAndYangOnIce (58k) [au, high school, pining, innocent/bad boy, slow burn]

Louis is a punk who is failing history and Harry is a nerd who's really good at surprising him.

You’re a Rabbit, Louis by sunsetmog (5k) [stylinshaw, ou, fluff]

"Maybe Louis turned into a rabbit," Nick suggests. They both laugh. Louis doesn't. Harry is an idiot and Nick is an even bigger one.

Louis stomps past both of them on four tiny, furry, baby rabbit paws, and into Nick's flat. "I hate you both," he says. He sits on the rug by the TV. "And you can stop following me around too," he says to Pig, who sits down next to him on the rug.

"But seriously," Harry says, from the door. "Where's Louis?"

Louis thumps his back leg on the floor. "I'm here, you idiot."

"I'm not really suggesting this could be true," Nick says carefully, "but are we sure he isn't a tiny baby rabbit?"

✨ You’re A Universe by Jiksa (15k) [au, angst, hurt/comfort, kid fic, established relationship]

Harry doesn’t ever mean to hurt him; Louis doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s the only thing he ever does anymore.

Or, Louis’s a stay-at-home dad in London and Harry’s a business expat in Qatar. Louis doesn’t know how much longer their marriage can survive the distance.

[everlark-interviews]

Interview with Everhutcher!

It’s been a while, but we have more interviews lined up, and we’re ready to tackle 2017 and get you the inside scoop on all your favorites, plus some newbies coming into the fandom! Reblog, follow, and get connected with the lovely folks in the HG community. Read on for all the juicy deets about @everhutcher!

Describe yourself like your friends would describe you.

Silly, weird, funny, compassionate. Honest. Loyal. Raunchy. A ball-buster. Someone with zero personal space. Good with details.

Raunchy? That’s interesting… How so?

Oh wow. I’ve just never had a filter. I think it’s a family trait. I’m from a large, loud Eastern European family where everyone speaks their mind, sarcasm is the norm, etc. As far back as high school, my friend and I would read smutty romance novels (mostly Jude Deveraux’s books) out loud at the lunch table just to make our male friends cringe. Totally juvenile, I know. I suppose if I psychoanalyzed myself I might see it as a way to explore sexuality in a safe way or something. Because I’m not nearly so bold in my actions in that way. But even now, I’ll see a double entendre in anything and won’t hesitate to point it out. Cards Against Humanity gives me life. I blame the inner 10-year old boy in me who giggles at inappropriate times. My own 10-year old son is far better behaved than I am in that aspect.

LOL! At some point our inner teen makes a reappearance. 

What Eastern European country is your family from? Have you been there?

We’re Ukrainian on both sides of the family. I’ve never been there but it has been fun to connect with cousins from over there through social media. Some of them grew up in the Soviet days, so when I was a kid, we never really had contact with them.

Give me an example of everhutcher as a ball-buster…

It’s sort of just who I am… again, the no filter thing. I will say I don’t ball-bust in a super-aggressive or antagonistic way, because I know that’s how some people interpret the term. My brand is more teasing. My husband is 14 years older than I am, so the old man jokes are abundant. I’m always telling him at the store to ask about the AARP discount or I’ll remind him that when he was 18, I was in preschool. Just often enough to creep him out.

How did you end up in THG fandom?

That was definitely not a straight line between two points. I knew of the books for a long time, but never read them. I’d also seen THG and CF on DVD at the time they came out, and was entertained enough, but didn’t love them in the way I loved other fandoms like HP or Star Wars.

Then my stepdaughter sort of made me read the books right before MJ1 came out in theaters. She promised I’d love them. And she was right. I loved them and then my love for the whole franchise grew from there.

I can relate to that! It definitely ‘snuck up’!

Have you written for other fandoms?

To be honest, nothing has grabbed me the way THG has, so no.

I get it! Same here.

I guess one exception is that I took part in a RPF Secret Santa thing for JHutch fans. I was really satisfied with how the story turned out but I’m not as comfortable writing about real people, so I have not been compelled to do that since. Kudos to those who can, though.

So what drew you into writing fic?

The ending of MJ just left me unsettled and unsatisfied. 

And although I understand that in a way, it was likely written in the way Katniss would have genuinely told it (i.e., not dwelling on details), as a reader I wanted more. So, I went in search of some insight into Suzanne Collins’ choices as a writer. Instead, I stumbled across fan fiction. I started looking for some good “growing back together” fics. And my love for the entire genre was born. Eventually I felt brave enough to dive in and write some of my own because I couldn’t get enough of Everlark in just about any setting.

What was it like for you when you posted your first fic for all to see?

The same as it is now: I hit “post” or “send” and I squeal and do a panic dance in my home office. I feel like I’m jumping off a cliff or something. 

You never know how it’s going to be received. You don’t want to look or sound stupid (the story or yourself). You might think it’s the best work you’ve done but it’s a load of shit. You just never know what will resonate with people and what won’t. I mean, ultimately you can’t worry about that during the writing process; you have to go with your gut and let the story take you where it wants to go. But you just have to hope people will see something in it that they can relate to as well.

It really never gets any easier, does it? What was a pivotal moment for you in the books?

Arghhhhhh. I think there are so many people who are so much better at noticing details of the book. So many moments. I don’t know if I can classify anything as “pivotal” but I do think some parts resonate with me more than others. The entire sequence of Peeta’s time with the Star Squad in Mockingjay was particularly important to me as a reader, as I think it lends a whole sense of hope, which is so central to the series. In particular, I think the moment Peeta realizes the lizard mutts are coming and he chooses to protect Katniss by yelling for her to run... that, to me, is it. He has already chosen Katniss over Snow in that moment.

Such a good one! What was the hardest moment for you in the series?

I would probably say Everlark’s separation at the end of Catching Fire. I’m such a sucker for those two. Throughout that book they’re connecting in a way they never had before. And unlike the film, Katniss and Peeta are both aware of the other’s presence somewhere around the lightning tree in those final moments in the arena. They can each hear the other calling out. They’re desperate to save one another, and are so close to achieving that. You know, as the reader, that it’s not going to end well for either of them. And, of course, it doesn’t.

What’s the moment you hold onto from the series? That ‘Yes! This is why I love this series’ moment…

That has to be Peeta’s return to 12. As I said earlier, you have these pivotal moments in Mockingjay where Peeta chooses Katniss, in defiance of his hijacking, sometimes without really even being conscious of it. I always wonder what happened to Peeta during his time in the Capitol after Katniss’s trial. Was it a deliberate decision to return to 12? Or was it just instinct driving him to where he felt he belonged? Either way, he returns to Katniss and his first thought is to help Katniss heal. To show Katniss some beauty in the world. He yet again creates a thing of beauty - a simple flowerbed to celebrate Prim’s life - and says “I thought we could plant them for her.” Not me, but we. Even though Katniss isn’t involved in his project, he includes her. They are a team. He is with her, in whatever way she needs. It’s unconditional and pure and lovely to see this reborn in him. Wounded but not broken.

I think you did a lovely job of picking out the details! 

What do you enjoy writing most? (Trope, canon/AU, etc)

I think modern AU is probably what comes easiest to me. For one, it’s fun to imagine Peeta Mellark alive and well and walking amongst us in the modern world just waiting for love  - and who doesn’t want that? LOL. I’m a fairly open book emotionally, more like Peeta, so writing Katniss is a fun challenge for me. And in modern AU, there’s the added challenge in presenting Katniss as someone who stays in character, still finds it hard to open up, without the details of her life in canon District 12 at play. You have to get into the psychology of a modern young woman and the things which might affect her life.

Where do you get your inspirations?

Oh, man. So many places. I suppose, now that I think about it, a lot of of my fics start with real-life events. Some are sad, like the circumstances of a friend of friend which inspired my PiP fic Promise. Others are often inspired by the random convos I have over chat or text with other bloggers. Like, Drill and Fill started with me complaining to another writer about having to go to the dentist but that thank goodness, at least my dentist was cute, and the rest unfolded from there. I also love that there are so many prompt ideas out there, whether on Tumblr or elsewhere. I’m so grateful that someone might not feel comfortable enough writing a fic on their own, but still has a great idea they want to share with others to make the story a reality.

That’s a really great observation. Give me an idea of yours that you will never write, but you would love to read.

Oooooh. That’s so tough because I think, never say never. If it’s something I’d want to read, and it doesn’t already exist, then I generally wouldn’t hesitate to at least attempt to make it a reality myself. That’s why I started writing fic, not just consuming it. I had ideas that I wanted to share. So I’d have to dig deeper to find something I’d read but not also write.

What has been your favorite fic to write?

No fair! My fics are my kids! I love them all for different reasons LOL.

If two of your fics were drowning… see where I’m going with this?

Well, if I have to choose, I’d probably say Under His Wings. I wasn’t sure where I was headed with it at all. Usually I have a strong idea to jump start the process, and my struggle is to keep the momentum of the story going later on. In this case, I had a hard time starting this story, and it picked up steam as I went along. It sort of took on a life of its own very quickly. I think it’s probably my most moving story.

What is the most challenging fic you’ve written?

I tend to write very quickly once an idea hits me, so anytime I end up with a WIP it’s because the mojo isn’t there. I’m currently on the third version of a story that I haven’t published yet. It’s supposed to be part of @papofglencoe’s clearance condom series, which she started after I took a trip to Target while chatting online with her. Her Pumpkin Spice story was such a treat, and I really want to do something fun and sexy with all that inspiration. But if I force it, I know it won’t be as good as it might have been. So WIP it remains.

If you were stranded on a desert island with any THG character, who would you pick? Just one, now!

Peeta. Hands down. Or wherever the hands want to go. See what I mean about raunchy?

HA! Down is a start in the right direction, though, yeah?

We all have that fic that’s our go to - whether it’s our own or someone else’s - that we return to because we love it and know exactly what we’re going to get. What’s yours?

If we’re talking Everlark fic, I’d probably say The Bucket List by Meadowlark27.

Why?

Faith constructed such a beautiful and heart-wrenching story that made me cry several times. If Everlark fans haven’t read it yet, it has it all. Humor and angst and sorrow and friends to lovers, all my favorite elements. And the ending. Ughhhhhh. All the feels, for sure.

What’s your writing process? Some people like to write their stories all at once, then post weekly, while others like to take it one chapter at a time, where posting is more random. Where do you fall in that spectrum?

I’d like to have the discipline to be the former, but I’m definitely the latter. Once I finish a chapter I want people to see it right away. In theory I always think it’s going to force me to work more steadily, because then I can tell myself that people have read it and want more. In reality, life always seems to fill up my time. The older I get, the more of a procrastinator I seem to become.

I get it. Why is that??

Favorite Book? (non THG)

Probably the Lord of the Rings trilogy. 

I first read it in sixth grade, not understanding the historical context in which Tolkien crafted it. At the time I just knew it as a cool good versus evil kind of story. Now I have a much deeper understanding of the historical context, and as a history teacher it speaks to me on that level, for sure. Beyond that, the immense time and energy and effort Tolkien put into creating that universe is just astonishing. The man crafted an entire mythology that the world has embraced as readily as anything mythology of ancient times.

It is incredible. I completely agree, and I love the series!

What do you like to do in your spare time?

I have to think about what spare time is these days lol. I suppose beyond work and family (my husband, son, two stepkids, daughter-in-law and any day now, a stepgrandbaby!) 

Congratulations!

My fandom activities have filled most of my free time. Otherwise, I definitely have a love for genealogy. I’ll go through spurts where I’ll spend hours a day scouring records to add to our family tree. And I enjoy traveling. I wish I had more resources for that, but I try to get out of town every couple of months, even for just a night or two. Living in the Northeast helps, being so close to so much. I’m basically halfway between NYC and Toronto; I have a ton of family and connections in Philly so I’m always there, too. I just spent my birthday in Vegas and I really want to get back out to L.A. soon. Been an East Coast girl my whole life but I love California.

Favorite thing about Tumblr?

The friendships. They’ve gone so far beyond fandom it’s sort of astonishing. The ladies I connect with the most are just about the most open, take-me-as-I-am group of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I have my group of girlfriends here in “real” life, particularly my friends from work. But my blogger friends are a constant presence as well. Maybe even more so, because you can always shoot off a text or a group chat throughout the day, come back and find someone three time zones away has weighed in on whatever was on your mind. We throw story ideas at each other, talk about our jobs and kids, nothing is off limits. And when you know most of you write Everlark smut you can’t really hide anything after that lol. They’ve become some of the best friends I’ve ever had.

Can you give some advice to new writers?

Just don’t be afraid to jump in and try something. Challenge yourself. There is a vast community of writers out there with a huge array of talents and strengths and styles. If you are worried about how your work compares to someone else’s, and allow it to make you hesitate to write, you’re bound to hold yourself back due to fear of failure. The only failure is to not let you idea come to life in one way or another. Put it out there and share it. Audiences are always going to be better off for it.

Thank you for taking time to talk to me!

You can find Everhutcher’s stories on AO3. Don’t forget to leave a comment! And stop by her ask box to say hey! 

[muggle-writes]

10 Questions Tag

I genuinely don’t recall seeing this tag game come in, but either I missed it or I didn’t tag my responses. Either way, I found it again today, so @elizabethsyson thanks for the tag, here’s my answers

1. What book/s made you want to write?

I don’t think it was a book necessarily. Fanfiction inspired me to write and publish fanfiction of my own, but previously, I would just concoct something equivalent to fanfiction even though I didn’t know it had a name, entertain myself with it without ever writing it down, and then eventually forget and move on to something else. But I’ve always used those same unwritten (though still primarily verbal) creative endeavors as a way to process emotions. Later, writing (original fiction that was more individual scenes with no plot resolution) served the same purpose, and now fanfiction serves the dual purpose of being an emotional outlet (those don’t necessarily ever get published) and being a fun and social thing to share with other fans.

On the other hand, I’ve got so many memories of having written stories above and beyond what a school assignment would call for, going at least as far back as second or third grade, so who knows, maybe one book in particular did inspire me to write. But if so, I don’t remember what that original inspiration was.

Also there’s one book in particular that’s just... Awful. I bought it at a dollar store and honestly no wonder it was only selling there. Worst book I’ve ever read. And sometimes I’m writing out of spite because if something with that many plot holes and “plot twists” that ignore any foreshadowing the author set up and come out of literally nowhere can get published, then I’m also definitely good enough to get published if I ever wanted to.

2. What is your favourite genre to write in?

Fanfiction is totally its own genre, right? Besides that, the gray area where fantasy, urban fantasy, and realistic contemporary fiction all meet. I tend towards realism, even when I write magic, but I love to write in universes where mythical creatures can be real, too. It’s my favorite genre to write in because it’s where I’m comfortable writing, and also because those tend to be the stories I enjoy reading and therefore know how my own contributions compare. Also because I love worldbuilding, and being in a fantasy universe not so different from our own gives me plenty of space to explore exactly what’s the same or different and why.

3. What is your favourite genre to read?

Fanfiction again, because I can explore an arbitrary character through hundreds of different lenses and poke at all the facets of their identity almost indefinitely, and it’s not restricted to what happens to be plot relevant, or even to scenarios that are all compatible with a single timeline, and it’s so character driven. It’s by far my favorite thing. Fantasy, primarily in two different flavors. On one hand, fuzzy rules of magic where everything goes as long as the magic user is powerful or creative enough, as a backdrop to an allegorical, easily divided black and white morality story is a category I almost always love. Magic can do basically anything, and it’s easy to know what’s right and wrong, and who to root for. On the other hand, I love what Brandon Sanderson would call “hard magic” fantasy, where magic is just as structured, and nearly as understood, as science, which I enjoy combined with a plot in which the characters have as much nuance and shades of gray as in the real world. I tend to prefer things at one of those extremes, but I’ll read almost any fantasy story.

4. How do you think your reading habits have influenced your writing style?

I mean it's just like verbal language: whatever I surround myself is going to shape the ideas and phrases and slang that come back out of my brain. Likewise, if I’m creating a magic system “from scratch” it’s inevitably shaped by things I read or watched young(ish), including but not limited to the Belgariad, and Star Wars and Pern (so basically, strongly connected to the mind and limited mainly by what you can imagine) (the Dresden Files and Good Omens seem to have pretty similar ideas about magic, but I ingested those much later)

on the other hand I think that my habit of primarily reading, even over watching shows or movies, has contributed to how little I ever actually think about what a character looks like, except occasionally when introductions get delayed for some reason and I can't use names in narration. So characters I only know from reading, I have zero idea what they look like. For example, I only remember that Sabriel is deathly pale as her default state because I reread the beginning of the book recently on Libby (a library app) while debating whether to check it out and reread the whole series in order to potentially write a crossover fanfiction. Her appearance was mentioned once or twice in the first few chapters and then never again, and it wasn’t something other characters often remarked upon, so I promptly forgot. Even though it’s absolutely fitting. Idk I’m just really not a visual thinker apparently, and always having character names to reference only reinforces that because why do I need to know what someone looks like if I know who they are?

5. What is your go-to cure when you get writer’s block or can’t focus?

Focus is easier. I make sure I’ve eaten, and I put on music so I’m not distracted by the silence or by the sound of my own typing. Plus I'll keep something cold and caffeinated in arms reach to sip on when I'm tempted to relinquish focus.

Writer’s block is harder to overcome and usually ties in with depression, so I’ll sometimes go months without writing and come back when I have energy for anything again... But in terms of actual strategies, sometimes rereading what I’ve already written will kickstart my unblocked writing, which is why I try very hard to only stop writing at “stopping points” if it’s genuinely the end of the story. Because when I come back later, it’s so much easier to read a partial chapter, get into the swing of it, and remember where it was going, than to start carving a new chapter out of nothing. Another thing that helps chip away at writer’s block is to talk to someone who is enthusiastic about my stories, or who is willing to let me infodump. Those are the only two things I can really control that have helped. Occasionally other things will help, like getting the book review style comments on fics (when I also have time to sit down and write while the comment is still new enough to make me surprised-and-happy over it), or if I can find the right balance of “obligation to someone else” and “not so much pressure I implode” (like, for example, I submitted a half-baked WIP to the recent WIP Blind Date event, and the afternoon after we got our assignments I started getting motivated to add to what I’ve posted about it to have something “worth” sharing for the event, and even though I didn’t get the momentum going enough to make progress until after I’d already been reviewed, I made a large amount of progress on that fic just because there was some amount of external pressure.... But that only works if I only do it to myself occasionally. Too often and I’m just annoying everyone by asking them to expect something from me and never following through.)

6. Why did you decide to start writing?

I think I got the right amount of compliments and encouragement when I was in elementary school, on writing assignments and challenges, then I was proud of the original stories I was writing in middle school, and then in high school I figured out that I could create barely-not-me characters and put them through things I wished (or feared) would happen to me and explore the consequences... My depression started getting bad around then, and with it came executive dysfunction and I started having to focus only on schoolwork and still barely finished everything I needed to. I might have stopped writing for longer but then I started publishing fanfiction. initially because my brain was generating it anyway, and I was in a shitty living situation with nothing else to do with my free time that I spent hidden away in my room besides actually type it up, but I kept at it because I was proud of my stories again, and because of the social aspect. And now I continue writing because I love the excuse to explore characters, or just because I can put characters I already love into new and interesting situations.

I might eventually write my own original novel, just because being on writeblr and seeing everyone else writing original works is super motivating, but that requires I have ideas for a setting and a plot and for characters all at once and I’m trying not to force it.

7. Pick a character you’ve written/are writing. What personality trait of theirs defines them most?

I’m going to cheat and peek a bit in the future to when I’m actually writing that fic featuring Julie Kwan, because I ought to have a better handle on her before I get too much further. She’s got a very sharp mind, very good at logical deductions (even if they involve magic before she really knows magic is real) and she’s also fairly good at reading other people. She’s also not afraid to confront people, whether they’re people who are literally threatening her and her friends, or whether they’re her friends and they’re not taking care of themselves sufficiently, or anything in between.

8. What is their primary language? Do they speak it natively? Do they speak any other languages?

...I'm not actually sure. English is her primary language, as she has grown up in the USA. If Julie speaks other languages, Mandarin would be fitting (because that’s Wei’s primary language, and I know Kate also speaks it, so that could add to team unity if over half of them all speak the same non-English language), or maybe Korean depending on her family (since Kwan is usually a Korean name.) Regardless, if she speaks any other languages, then I suspect she also speaks Klingon. @davetheshady can you confirm?

9. What does the character value the most in their life?

Julie is very focused on academia, she’s accomplished and rightfully proud of herself. She wants to be respected, (she’s so tired of being disrespected in academic circles just because she’s neither white nor a man), but she also very much values her friends.

10. If they met you, what would they have to say to you?

I think she would make fun of me for quoting her so often but she makes so many pop culture references, I don’t think she has room to complain. She would probably also encourage me to pursue graduate degrees no matter how “impractical” other people find the subject.