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dutchdread · 3 years

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No offense bro, but why are you always so protective of Cloud? No disrespect to you or anything but I've heard quite a bit of different opinions and theories on Cloud myself and I do agree with the people who say that he takes Tifa for granted. Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior. He also does act like he's the only one who has suffered in his life. Do you have other reason to defend him other than the fact that you "relate" to him? Just wondering.

Sorry for the late reply, my life has basically left no room for hobbies these past months. Your question is hard to reply to because I am not sure what you mean when you say I am protective of him. I guess you mean I defend his actions? Specifically in ACC? Firstly let me state that there is a difference between being a good character and being a nice character, there is also a difference between agreeing with someones actions, or just understanding them. Personally, I never really liked Cloud, especially not when I was younger. A lot of my defense of Cloud doesn't come from me personally liking him, but from me thinking he's a good character. I also think Snape is a good character, but I don't like his actions, and I don't defend them, although I still understand them to a certain degree. I should also say that as I started to understand Clouds character more, I also started liking HIM a bit more, although I still don't like the things he did, and would very likely not be friends with him. But I do understand why he did what he did and cannot be too critical of him because of that. You've probably heard that before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That's great advice, if you want to judge someone, you should imagine what it would be like to be them, however, I've noticed that too often when people try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, they refuse to take their own shoes off first. They don't think "what would it be like to be him", they think "what would I do in that position". But Cloud is not you, and you cannot judge him by how you would act, you've not gone through the same things he has, your thought patterns aren't the same etc. This matters because too often I see people judging Clouds actions in ACC, and establishing his motivations by saying things that boil down to "If I were in his position, I would only do those actions if I loved Aerith/didn't love Tifa/whatever". But they're not Cloud, and they're not understanding how Cloud thinks, and that it's different from how THEY think. But like you said, I do see some recognizable elements of myself in Cloud, which is why I do understand his actions, and why I feel relatively certain in defending them, because I see them coming from a good place. It's common for me to react to things in a way that others find counter-intuitive. Let me give you an example, my brother once was mad at me because I had not told him my girlfriend of several years and I had broken up while I did tell a random stranger at the pub. He said that he felt like he wasn't important to me if I told a random stranger but not him. The truth was the exact opposite, I love my brother, and could not bear to face him for some reason, as I told him: "if not caring enough was the problem, then I wouldn't have told a random stranger". I see people exhibit that same lack of understanding when discussing Clouds actions, where they feel like his actions must be the sign of him just being a bad person, or not caring. But ask yourself what is more likely, that Square-enix wants their hero to be a bad person, or that you simply are misunderstanding the character? I understand why people don't get Cloud, Cloud suffers from obvious mental health issues, and mental health issues simply are not something that the general public understands, even today. Not only that, but Cloud went through the most insane series of traumatic events anyone could ever imagine. He had an alien parasite in him, saw his entire town murdered before his eyes, then saw Zack murdered in front of his eyes, then saw Aerith murdered in front of his eyes, and just when he started living a peaceful life he is forced to watch his child succumb to sickness in front of his eyes, and then he finds he himself is dying. All this on the psyche of a man who had had a fear of failure ever since he was a child, spent most of his life essentially in war, and had a severe identity crisis as well. Do you think you can honestly judge him by going "that's not what I would have done"? Would that not be incredibly

presumptuous? Have you suffered from depression as a result of severe post-war PTSD and a lifelong feeling of inadequacy combined with a fear of failure and the belief that many of your loved ones died because you failed and were inadequate? Because that's the context in which you have to view Cloud when watching Advent Children. Saying "Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior" is just incredibly short-sighted, your behavior is determined by who you are, and who you are is determined by what you go through in the past. You can't expect a broken child to become a well-adjusted adult when being a well-adjusted adult is the result of having a normal childhood.

I also don't want to cause offense, but this really is a mindset you should change, because this mindset is one of the most pervasive and damaging ones in our society, it's the one that probably bothers me most when I hear it because it makes zero sense. It's like breaking a robots self-repair unit, and then being angry at it on the grounds that the self-repair unit should have fixed it. It's also very insensitive in general, it's the equivalent of saying "why are you depressed, just stop being depressed", people don't choose to be depressed, people don't choose to have a fear of failure. People don't choose their emotions, they're just there. They can be influenced by behavior over time, sure, but behavior is equally influenced by who you are and your emotions, which, as mentioned before, is determined for a large part by your past. People don't just "snap out of it". They fight and fight and fight, and sometimes they win and break out of the spiral, and sometimes they lose and it breaks them.

FFVII, and especially Advent children, is all about that struggle, and during those struggles you will have high-points, and low-points. FFVII shows all of those. It shows Cloud trying, it shows Cloud wanting, it shows Cloud failing, but it also, ultimately, shows Cloud prevailing. Judging Cloud for not breaking out of the spiral by the time of Advent children, when he was mentally only barely 18 years old, and when he started at the worst place anyone could ever imagine, is just not reasonable. It's the modern day equivalent of "let them eat cake", something that can only be said from the place of privilege of not knowing what the struggles of the people you're critiquing are actually like. So having that out of the way, lets look at Clouds actions from the perspective of Cloud. Cloud is a young boy, and he's in love with the girl next door, he wants to get her to notice him. One day said girl walks up a mountain and he follows, she falls off a bridge and ends in a coma. Cloud followed her because he's in love with her, and he gets the blame from the adults. Cloud internalizes this, and its important to imagine what this must be like for a child, to have the adults all tell him it's his fault that the person he loves ended up hurt. "your fault", "your fault". Afterwards Cloud starts thinking Tifa hates him and starts acting out. I think this is a good moment to point out btw that this child has no father figure. This is the start of his feelings of failure and inadequacy, he blames himself for not being able to protect Tifa, failure number 1, he thinks that if he were strong, he'd be able to protect her, he thinks that if he were like Sephiroth, then even Tifa would have to notice him. Now until this time Cloud is not an asshole, he's a bit of a rebellious kid yes, but notice that he's not a bad kid as much as he's a kid who wants to protect someone, has no direction, and is acting out. So Cloud thinks he's not good enough, but he leaves town confident that he'll become good enough, and even makes a promise to Tifa. All this follows logically from what we know about Cloud, and tells us a lot about how deeply seated these feelings are. Becoming Soldier wasn't a small thing, not some small passion project that he just came up with one day, it's the result of the things that happened in his childhood and he left everything behind make it so. He told the girl he loved, he promised, he boasted. And then he failed. Failure number 2. He comes back to Nibleheim and can't bear to look Tifa in the eye and admit that he couldn't do it, that he's a failure. His entire life so far has revolved around this and he wasn't good enough. So here we have Cloud, not in a great mindset, thinking he's a failure, and what happens? His entire town is murdered by the person he admired, someone he worked with. His Mother is killed, and Tifa, the girl he PROMISED to protect, gets slashed open so badly that apparently she needed to have her ribcage reinforced with metal. I think we can all agree that this by itself would be enough to potentially scar a person for life. (Cloud, not Tifa XD) So what's next for the boy who left town in order to become a hero? Well, he gets captured and experimented on for 4 years, during which his mind and sense of identity is bombarded with memories and knowledge of the lifestream in the form of mako, muddying up his thoughts. Cloud already had a weak sense of self as a result of his childhood, it's why he failed to enter Soldier and now this distaste for who he is makes him extra susceptible to Jenovas influence. The next thing Cloud sees, (he didn't consciously experience the 4 years of mind-fuckery) is his best friend getting killed trying to protect him, because Cloud wasn't strong enough. Failure #3. At this point, in Clouds mind the list of people dead because he could not protect them, because he's a failure, include his mother, his entire town, his best friend, and as far as he knows, the girl he loves. This is his life. His mind is broken, he hates himself, he doesn't want to be himself,

he has a mind-altering parasite inside of him trying to adjust his identity and Clouds just goes "I reject this reality and constitute my own". And why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he want to live in a fantasy world where he wasn't a failure, where he made it into soldier, where he was cool and successful and not a disappointing failure? Zack tells him to be his living legacy and Cloud goes with it, then he runs into Tifa, Jenova adjusts Cloud further based on Tifas memories of them and rejoined with the girl for whom he joined Soldier Cloud is unconsciously all too willing to play the part. FFVII starts and it doesn't take long for the cracks in his fake persona to show, he meets Aerith, and becomes her bodyguard. He gets to be the hero he always wanted to be. But then, even as "Cloud strife, soldier first class", Cloud is still a failure, the plate still drops, killing thousands, he gives Sephiroth the black materia, he beats up Aerith, and ultimately, fails to save her as well. Tifa was the First Failure, and Aerith was the Final Failure. Even as a soldier, Cloud still couldn't save anyone, he loses even more faith in himself, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't trust himself, and then when he also loses Tifas trust in who he is, he just breaks and gives over to Jenova/Sephiroth. Even Hojo calls him a failure. Cloud feels like a nobody. Now mentally weakened, under the influence of jenova cells, he gives Sephiroth the black materia AGAIN, and meteor is summoned. Another entry on the long list of moments Cloud can look back on in shame later on in life. He falls into the lifestream and again his psyche is under attack. We know what happens afterwards, Tifa finds him, cares for him, and saves him through his feelings for her. Cloud realizes who he is, realizes he's weak, and goes after Sephiroth without lying to himself. In the end he defeats Sephiroth mentally and is supposedly rid of his direct influence.

But that doesn't mean that this mentally 17 year old is now fine, we should remember these events when analyzing ACC. Cloud has been in constant fighting/war/peril ever since he left home as a child, and is now a traumatized 17 year old in a 21 year olds body. Novels and other materials give us an insight into how Cloud thinks during these times, and how he thinks about himself. We hear him say that he's going to live because that's the only way he can atone for his sins. He talks about wanting to change, and about believing he can change because he now has Tifa. He's a man (boy) who just exited war, and wants to be positive, but is still clearly blaming himself. We see that this initially goes well, we are told that Cloud experiences peace and happiness that he's never experienced before. We're also told about the things that make it go badly, when he has to deliver flowers to the ancient city for instance. While Cloud regained the sense of who he was the belief that he wasn't good enough, that he was a failure, was never solved, if anything it was put on hold until he got his memories back, and now he is forced to deal with it.

While he is no longer directly manipulated by Sephiroth he's still suffering from PTSD and, most notably, survivors guilt. He blames himself for the deaths of Zack and Aerith in particular, and starts visiting the church. Now most people might think it's natural to avoid places that make you feel bad about yourself, but that's not how a depressed person thinks, Cloud thinks he deserves to feel badly he WANTS to punish himself, he WANTS to feel bad. He's ashamed of the moments where he's carefree and laughing with Tifa. Why should he get to be happy when Aerith and Zack are dead because of him? He shouldn't be happy, he should be in pain, he should remember them, not doing so would be an insult to their memories, he must never forget how he failed them! That's how Cloud is thinking. We know of course that this is non-sense, Aerith and Zack wouldn't want this, if anything it's this mindset that is tarnishing the memories of Aerith and Zack, but that's not how a mentally unwell person thinks. Cloud wants to atone, and thinks he finds salvation in Denzel, whom he finds at Aeriths church. He thinks that by saving this life, he can, in some way, make up for all the death he caused. Tifa has a similar belief when she finds out Denzels parents died in the plate crash. And when Denzel joins the family, and Cloud has path towards redemption in his mind, things start getting better again. Because this is the cause of the problems Cloud is having in ACC. When Nojima says:

first off, there’s the premise that things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma or Sephiroth this might be the same

This is the conflict he's talking about, he's not saying "Tifa and Cloud are incompatible, it has nothing to do with Sephiroth", he's saying "if Sephiroth didn't show up during Advent children, Cloud and Tifa would still be having problems because Cloud is going through survivors guilt."

But the good times don't last, Denzel has Geostigma and Cloud cannot find a cure, Denzel....is going to die. Cloud, has failed again. Not only that, but Cloud catches Geostigma....Cloud is going to die. And THIS is why Cloud leaves in Advent children. And you have to look at this as Cloud. Cloud said he was going to live to atone for his sins, but instead he's going to die. He won't atone for his sins, even worse, he's going to leave Tifa and Marlene behind. He failed again. He couldn't protect Denzel, he potentially brought an infectious disease into their house as well. Literally all Cloud can think about is that literally everything he's ever tried has ended in failure, everyone he's ever tried to protect, he's failed at. Do you understand how easy it would be for a person like this to fall into the trap of thinking "I deserve to die", "I don't want Tifa and Marlene to see me die", "Tifa and Marlene are better off without me anyway", "they'd be happier if I weren't here". Etc. Now we know this is nonsense, but come on, how many instances have you heard of depressed people genuinely believing that their loved ones would be happier and better off if they just didn't exist? However, throughout the movie, Zack, Tifa, and Aerith, all confront Cloud, and urge him to not give up. Cloud eventually does try again, and ultimately finds redemption not by being stuck in the past, but by letting the past rest and be beautiful (a lesson Cleriths unfortunately never learned). "I never blamed you you know, not once" "I want to be forgiven. By who?" "Isn't it about time you did the forgiving?" In the end, Cloud moves on, and therefore, so do Zack and Aerith. Aerith and Zack walk into the light, Cloud plants flowers on Zacks grave, and lets Zacks buster sword rest in Aeriths church, now no longer rusting, but shining. Instead of the past being a negative reminder, Cloud lets the past be beautiful. Cloud was doing Aerith and Zack a disservice by remembering them the way he did, because it was ruining his life, it wasn't a good thing, but it did come from a good place, from a good man whose ashamed of not being good enough. Yes, it harmed Tifa, people going through these things often do hurt those around them, but it's not because they're bad people, or even weak, but because people are imperfect and Cloud has gone through hell, both internally, and externally. Are his actions really that weird or deplorable? "He didn't even go save the kids!" Yes, he's hesitant about saving the kids, why shouldn't he be? Everyone Cloud tried to protect or save, ended up maimed or worse, or as Cloud puts it: "I can't even save myself". "He left Tifa alone!" Yes, he thinks he's going to waste away and die, can you blame him for not wanting to put Tifa through that and for thinking she'd be better off without him? "He drinks!" Wouldn't you?! Who wouldn't want to forget that stuff? But in the end, He's only gone for about a week, he never intended to harm Tifa, he never physically harmed Tifa or cheated on her, his entire life revolved around wanting to be better for Tifa and blaming himself when he wasn't good enough, how is it reasonable to say this man takes Tifa for granted when the fact that he thinks he has to BE BETTER in order to be worthy of being with her has been a constant throughout his entire life and story? He DOESN'T take Tifa for granted, that's why he's beating himself up, that's why he leaves, not because he thinks he's better than her, or that he'll always have her, or that she'll follow him like a dog, or something like that. But because of the opposite, because he thinks HE is not good enough, that SHE would be better of without him. Saying Cloud takes Tifa for granted, is honestly, simply, wrong. It's 180 degrees the opposite of what is happening in FFVII, the biggest constant in Clouds life, is that he doesn't take Tifa for granted, and I don't understand how anyone could argue otherwise.

#cloti #FFVII #ffvii crisis core #ffvii advent children #ffvii remake

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captainstarkky · 3 years

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Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post

Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media. But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.

For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.

And Myeol Mang represents that.

When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.

And remember what Myul Mang said?

“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”

It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)

That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.

Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.

According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.

Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?

Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about.

The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.

By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well.

There are five stages of grief as per the theory.

Denial

Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.

Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.

She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.

That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.

That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’

You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.

Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.

Anger

Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?

Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes.

She blames him for everything - for a moment.

She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.

But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.

Because anger helps us cope.

Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.

The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.

She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:

People would forget about her when she die.

Wanting to live

Happy Ending

For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.

End of the world.

But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?

No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.

Depression

This is the interesting part.

What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.

Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.

Oh no, it did.

This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.

Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.

From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing.

But why can’t we see it?

Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.

That makes sense.

And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness.

The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’

And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.

Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.

And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.

We can hear her say:

“I’m not scared anymore...”

On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.

Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.

Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.

With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.

If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.

You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.

I hope it’s not like that.

Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.

You will enjoy it, I promise.

#doom at your service #tvn doom at your service #seo in-guk #seo in guk #park bo young #park bo-young #tak dong kyung #tak dong-kyung #myeol mang #kdrama #kdrama conspiracy theories #conspiracy theories #kdrama theories #tvn

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midnight-in-town · 3 years

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Do you think that things would turn out very differently if OurCiel told the Midford family and Madam Red the whole truth of when he went missing to RealCiel dying and he's not RealCiel (I know that Lizzie wouldn't point out the liar if that's the case) if he came back as himself? Wouldn't the Midford family have to accept the reality of his older brother never coming back after coming back after a month of going missing? (sorry the last question I added was way too harsh. Elizabeth is not a brat. She's just heartbroken about the lying she was told for almost three years and she's really nice in the manga and the t.v series despite breaking OurCiels ring)

2. I personally think that Edward can be overprotective sometimes of Elizabeth as she is fully capable of defending herself against a demon (Sebastian) in the Blue cult arc and against the people (Bizzare dolls) she was fighting (but that's what big brothers do) what do you think?

3. When do you think that Elizabeth and Edward will find out that RealCiel is actually a bizzare doll brought back from the dead? I personally think that it's cruel..imagine that a person was dead for three years to be suddenly brought back to life and you would think that someone was playing a trick on you to make you extremely unhappy as if especially that person was the one who you loved.

4. I think that Bards going to refuse to burn the War hospital down and I think he's going to meet his end there as Lau will do it anyways. I really hope not..what do you think?

5. Do you think that we would end up seeing a Elizabeth or a Edward flashback of their childhood with RealCiel of how they knew RealCiel or the Phantomhives Did they spend time with OurCiel at all? I just often saw theories that she didn't spend time with OurCiel as much as RealCiel..I get it though she just wants to develop her relationship with him? I don't see it as abuse or neglect..she's just a little girl..the same as the Phantomhive twins back then.

6. I think that Earl Grey was the one who framed OurCiel for the music hall murders through the phone (as he does hate Ciel or not) or the Undertaker who was clearly smiling when the police stormed the Phantomhive manor or someone (RealCiel)

7. I have a feeling that Francis knows that RealCiel is a bizzare doll and will very bluntly ask that to him the next time that they are in the future manga chapter together (possibly after the Bard arc in the war hospital because people don't come back from the dead because that was what Elizabeth told Edward: "if Ciel dies again" and I have a feeling that Francis knows about it and will bluntly ask that during dinner if there was one and Elizabeth would possibly deny all that and it's not going to end well if she said that it's not true of him being a bizzare doll)

8. Do you think that OurCiel looked very upset and hurt when the person who he loved the most (Elizabeth Midford) pointed out the liar and it was him..OurCiel was only lying to the family because they would have a different reaction if they find out that it was the younger twin who lived. (The weak and fragile twin who had multiple health issues)

9. I know that Lizzie was extremely hurt and heartbroken that OurCiel lied and I would be if a family member lied to me like that as it is human to feel that way but pointing out the liar to the half of London and to her family was way too harsh..in some ways.

10. When do you think that the Midford family would realise that RealCiel is up to no good at all and framed OurCiel for the music hall murders..I think it's when he shows no worry for his younger twin brother possibly and no concern for Elizabeth.

11. I think that RealCiel emtionally abused and used Elizabeth for his own gains..as she does look unhappy in many ways and six months going missing there tells me that otherwise of what she heard or been through. What do you think?

TBH Anon, I’m still rather pissed that you sent the same asks and didn’t even bother reading what I wrote you in my first reply to your initial questions.

I can guess that you’re rather new around here, but as I said earlier this week, I’ve been blogging about this series for a long time, which is why I have made an entire section of links to my theories so that they’re easy to find, in order for you guys to read about my opinion on characters and plot points if that’s what you’re after.

Therefore, since you didn’t even take the time to check after my first warning, I’m not going to elaborate further if my answers can be found in previous posts or in the manga.

As I already told you, considering this didn’t happen, I see no point in discussing this possibility

Yes, Ed is overprotective even though Lizzie is stronger than him: it is canon and a huge part of comic relief, but also because he’s very close to his sister and he’s a good guy

Ed: https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/177483213162/about-an-eventual-edward-soma-team-up-for-more // Liz: https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/179511621622

Yes. Bard already showed that he was reluctant to hurt Ada’s side. However, Lau doesn’t care and he once eliminated people whom Ciel had let go (curry arc), simply because he’s not one to let his enemies live.

I don’t know about any flashback. Lizzie probably spent less time with our!Ciel though, because he was often sick and stayed inside. Calling it neglect or abuse is absolutely untrue, since she was a child of the same age as the twins who had no power over our!Ciel’s sickly circumstances.

https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/176019513307/so-about-this-anonymous-report-im-wondering-if

https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/184475609227/im-so-happy-reading-all-the-theories-of-you-and & https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/646289725836148736/confession-i-hope-it-turns-out-frances-knew-the

Obviously our!Ciel looked upset. He was very anxious about Lizzie’s predicament, so to hear her words and to see his life shattering around him was hurtful, to say the least.

Lizzie loves our!Ciel, so of course she’d be hurt by him lying, especially since it made her realize that maybe she could have had horrible thoughts about his survival (which she despises herself for), had he told the truth.

Already answered in q5 and 7. From the moment one of them finds out, the others will probably get to know.

No, I don’t think real!Ciel did anything besides telling the truth to Lizzie. It’s the truth itself that hurt Lizzie because, over the last four years, she fell in love with someone she thought she knew, only to find out he was lying about everything. Her heart is split between the two boys, whom she thought were one and the same and grew to love differently. Besides, I doubt the Undertaker would have allowed any harm to come to her. She may yet still be hurt, physically, later in the arc though: https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/171823786347/when-were-back-to-present-do-you-think-ourciel

Overall, about this arc: https://midnight-in-town.tumblr.com/post/174470576547/blue-sect-arc-what-we-need-answers-about

I answered you this once out of consideration for the amount of words in this ask, Anon. From now on, it’d be respectful if you could show the same consideration for all these years I spent blogging about this series, or I won’t answer you anymore.

Thank you for understanding.

#kuroshitsuji #blue sect arc #anon #answers

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luciehercndale · 4 years

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The maturity of The Last Hours characters

I really don’t know how to name this, lmao. But yeah. In this post I will try to rate (?) the level of maturity of the characters from The Last Hours. I’m only analyzing the young people, if you want a post about The Infernal Devices characters or The Mortal Instruments characters (since I still have to read TDA to this day), I can also do that. But this post will focus on the “children”.

I don’t like using the word children for these characters because they are not children so to speak, but there are some characters which are more childish than the others. I tried to outline some characters to also show how they are mirroring each other. You’ll see how funny that most of the characters who share similar storylines may not like each other too much and may also not have the same maturity, but some of them are also each other’s love interests.

I apologize for the length of this essay, but I tried to cover every character.

First, a disclaimer: I don’t consider these groups I made as strict, because of course, you can’t rate a person’s maturity. This is just a way to show you the careful planning behind the characters and I’m just trying to organize them based on logic and observation.

The first “group” I’ll analyze is the one with the character I believe are the most mature, that we can also divide in “denied childhood” and “happy childhood”. In my opinion, in this group we have Alastair, Ariadne, Anna, Thomas and Jesse. They aren’t just the oldest, they are also the ones who have always acted maturely throughout CoG. What differs between the characters I cited above is their upbringing.

Rejected Children

Alastair and Ariadne always had to fight for their parents’ approval and Alastair also had to take his father’s place whenever he was “sick”. Alastair couldn’t live his childhood the way a normal child usually does. To add fuel to the fire we also have to consider the moment when Cortana rejects Alastair when Elias is also present: that’s the metaphor of Elias rejection of Alastair as his son. This also connects with the theory of Alastair not being Elias’ son and I already think Alastair has found out about this. Ariadne also has similarities with Alastair’s situation and mirrors his situation in the opposite way. Her parents were killed when she was young. She was adopted, yes, but I reckon that the Bridgestock family has also a lot of prejudices? And they also disapprove of Ariadne seeing Anna.

Alastair and Ariadne are the “rejected children” because despite they do everything in order to keep the harmony in their households (Alastair by cleaning after Elias and Ariadne by being a perfect smart lady), they always feel like they do not deserve to be loved, because their parents never make them feel truly loved or if they do, they don’t see it (because it’s evident to me that Cordelia loves Alastair very much and Sona does too, even if she doesn’t openly show it). On the other hand, they did so much as to agree to their family’s requests even if they didn’t want to, because that’s how what they believed they had to do in order to be loved.

Alastair’s first infatuation was Charles, with whom he fell in love but that he also idealized like he probably idealized his father. Alastair, who wanted to get Elias’ attention the most but also protect Cordelia and Sona from his father’s issues, fell for another man with a problematic ego like Charles. Ariadne’s first love was Anna, but Ariadne’s parents don’t approve of her. She is naturally well-liked by shadowhunters and downworlders alike because of her personality, her confidence. Ironic, but also not ironic, that Charles is the “link” between Alastair and Ariadne. Unlike Alastair who continued seeing Charles, Anna refused to keep seeing Ariadne after her engagement with Charles.

Both Alastair and Ariadne are mature people but they also have trust issues. They often see things in a negative way because that’s what they’ve been taught: no matter what you do, you are not valuable. You could know 30 languages but you’d still be useless. In Alastair’s case, I think we’ll soon see how Thomas, who is his love interest, will show him that he is worthy of love but he will also realize that is worthy of love, or he won’t be able to love 360°. In Ariadne’s, we saw at the end of CoG how she is going to show Anna that she’s going to win her back.

Anna and Thomas are the mature characters who had a happy childhood more or less. They grew up in a peaceful environment, with parents who always tried to do their best for them and who also showed them a lot of love. And their brothers and sisters as well are also very protective of both. Plus, they are cousins, which means that they are also protective with each other. But don’t think that they have it easier compared to Alastair and Ariadne, because they also had issues.

When Anna first realized that she didn’t like men and she also didn’t like to dress like a woman, and stole Christopher’s clothes, she tried to hide it. Why? Because as much as your parents seem lovely people and they also accept your wishes (like when Anna didn’t want to go to the Academy and she said she would become a mundane bullfighter if they forced her to go lmao), you never know what they would think about this. Anna, who loved her parents very much, preferred to keep her double life hidden from them. When her parents discovered she was genderqueer, they accepted her. I hope people realize how great this is, because at the beginning of the XX century many people had to lie to their family because they would never accept their daughter or their son going against the “respectability” of the time. Like I wrote on another post, you were considered devious if you were not straight. Anna didn’t want to burden her parents with the fact that she didn’t like men or wear pretty women dresses like society expected her to, but her parents were proud of her regardless. When Cecily discovers Anna’s orientation and gives her a suit as a gift, it’s the moment when Anna can truly be herself and she doesn’t care what the other people think, because that is herself. They either accept it, or they stay away from her. Anna is a very mature also because it’s hard to hear people whisper about you and spread rumors about the life you chose to live. She’s very brave.

Thomas is the last of three children, and his oldest sisters have always tried to protect him because he’s always been a sickly child. Remember that CC posted a cute Christmas story with Gideon and Thomas and Will and James where Gideon is concerned because his son didn’t seem to grow up like a normal child. This is why for years his family tried to protect him. They feared he could die, so Thomas was always under the watchful eyes of someone and he grew tired of this. He appreciated the attention but he also wanted to be alone, and after he got better and went to Spain after the Academy, he became stronger, more mature, and independent. Thomas is quite fatherly in my opinion, as that he is wise and kind, he always tries to see the positive in every situation.

Then we have Jesse. Like Thomas, Jesse was also protected by Tatiana and was a sickly child. In the Christmas story I mentioned above, we see how when Gideon sees Jesse, he reminds him of Thomas. Jesse is Charles’ age, but since he’s technically dead, he still has the body of a 17-year-old. From what we saw, it was evident that Jesse is a respectful person and that he is also selfless. He spent a lot of years in solitude and is a person with manners. Remember what Lucie says? “A ghost with a sense of property.” He also enters in the denied childhood group in my opinion, because as much as Tatiana seemed to have taken care of him and we see how she clings on his body to the point of trying to perform necromancy to bring him back, he also didn’t live a normal childhood. His mother never let him become a shadowhunter, she never let him meet his uncles, aunts and cousins. She never let him meet other shadowhunters. She probably never gave him proper education and all that Jesse knows he learnt it by reading books. Jesse is on the opposite side of the spectrum where Alastair and Ariadne are, but he’s also divided between his life (where he was very innocent and sheltered) and his death (where he matured because he could finally explore the world his mother denied him to see).

You see, aside from Jesse, it is no wonder Alastair, Thomas, Ariadne and Anna were paired together. Not only they are the mature characters, they are also mirroring each other’s journey: Alastair had a difficult childhood while Thomas was too protected. Anna had nice parents while Ariadne lost hers when she was little and her adoptive parents are probably racists and homophobes.

In the second “group”, which I called in the middle, there are characters I consider mature but also not. These characters have acted maturely in some occasions, while they were childish during other occasions. I’ll analyze the ones with happy childhoods first.

Unfiltered Childhood, Sheltered Childhood

James is often described as a responsible and shy guy. James hit the jackpot with his parents too, because we see how close he is with them and how they always support him whatever he does and try to protect him at the same time, when they can. But even James has issues, especially after he turned into a shadow in front of everyone when he was 13. This made him not only believe he is damned (“my father was cursed, whereas I am damned”). He was also bullied because he is part-demon, and he didn’t take this lightly, as we see every time, he risks to turn into a shadow he has a sort of panic attack. James is the older son and has the tendency to cover up for Lucie and all of his closest friends. Despite everything, we can say James had a happy childhood. He was wanted, he was loved, he was protected, but his parents also treated him as an adult and let him and Lucie into the rough stuff of their pasts, hence he had un unfiltered childhood. He knew about the gory details of life early on. In a short story Will gives James, who is 1-2 years old, a damn knife in his hands! If this isn’t someone who doesn’t use a filter with his kids, I don’t know what that is. I think that it was Jesse who was shocked to hear from Lucie that she knew about his grandfather turning into a worm. He didn’t think it was a story fit for kids. I believe that James is mature but he still has some things to face to really be mature, that’s why I put him in this group. But among the Merry Thieves, he is the second most mature, imo. He is the big wise brother. You could argue: and Christopher? I’ll explain later why Christopher is on another level of maturity, wait. Lol.

Cordelia is the second mature character from this group and she is opposed to James. Why? Unlike James who was exposed to reality from a young age and knew about things that a teenager probably shouldn’t know; Cordelia was filled with lies because her family wanted to protect her childhood and didn’t think she should know the harshness of life early on. We see when CoG starts how she’s still innocent and how she had a sheltered childhood. Not only because it will be the first time in years that she will be around other guys her age, but also because until Alastair tells her what he had to cover so that she would have a childhood, she was clueless. Literally. She had been treated like a little girl by Alastair and Sona, when Cordelia was probably able to handle the truth. Cordelia didn’t grow up in a bad environment – besides her father’s problems, which Cordelia was mostly left out because Sona and Alastair kept the secret – but we may discover more things in CoI. Anyway, Cordelia is mature for her age, and she stands up for herself even if it hurts, which isn’t an easy feat.

Denied Childhood

The last of this group is Matthew. Alastair gave him the nickname “Mother Hen Fairchild”. You guys don’t know much Alastair understood about Matthew by giving him this nickname. Matthew is wealthy, wealthier than the others, but this doesn’t mean he had a happy life. On the other hand, Matthew’s only lifeline was his father Henry. You can tell Matthew loves his father, tried to protect him, which is a cute thing to do, but at what expense? For one, his childhood. Matthew is a sociable person, loves to be around people, but when he grew up in Idris, the main thing he did was take care of Henry. I don’t think Henry asked him to do it, nor did Charlotte, but he took it upon himself to do so. After all, Henry is disabled, he really needs help and Matthew just wanted to show his father he appreciated him, but I don’t think he or Charlotte understood that as a natural helper, Matthew would also be drained by this activity. He also didn’t want to leave Henry alone when he left for the Academy, which is also a sign he thinks that one of the things he has to do in order to keep his family intact (especially after the rumor about Charlotte and Gideon) is to take care of Henry. He is indeed a “motherly” figure in the Merry Thieves and to his own father, to some degree. Because of this upbringing, it’s like Matthew never truly lived his childhood like a normal child. And now that he is 17 and is using alcohol as a copying mechanism, it’s like he’s already become metaphorically old, because at that time alcohol abuse was something you’d expect from a middle-aged man.

As you see, these three characters are also expected to be in a sort of triangle, even if we don’t know the extents of this relationship yet. But we’ll surely have a lot to see.

Partially Mature (Still Innocent to Some Degree)

I’m finally at the last group!!! YAY me. I hope you read so far. These are the characters I still consider innocent and that in CoI will have a bigger storyline and we’ll also see them become more mature and face more harsh reality.

Happy Childhood

The first person from this group is Lucie. Lucie is 16, just one year younger than her brother and her best friend Cordelia. Like James, Lucie has been exposed to the harshness of life from a young age, since her parents didn’t keep many secrets with her. But Lucie is still innocent to some degree, and adventurous like a child, but we see that she isn’t able to stay calm whenever things get out of hand and people (including herself) get hurt, because one thing is hearing stories, another is actually being part of those gory stories. First, she has never been in love. I know this sounds silly, but a lot of teenagers start seeing the world differently after they fall in love with someone, truly in love. I’m not talking about infatuation here. It’s also the first time after years of dead calm that London is plagued by a new enemy, which means it’s also the very first time for Lucie – unlike James and the Merry Thieves – to finally face the stories she’s heard from her parents and the fantasy stories she’s invented as a writer. Getting to know Jesse has helped, because he is a very mature character who is opposed to her because he had a very sheltered childhood and he learnt about life just when he turned into a ghost. Since Lucie is on the cover of CoI, she’ll definitely mature more in that book.

Christopher is also innocent. He is smart, he is way more intelligent than everyone imo, but he lives in his own world sometimes. He, like Lucie, had a happy childhood and was very protected by his older sister Anna and of course his parents. But he was also let on in the secrets of the Lightwood family (like the Benedict Lightworm story), so we can say to this point that he is innocent but he also is mature because he uses his logic to make decisions. Of the Merry Thieves he's surely the youngest son, because the other guys always look after him – especially Thomas. In CoI we will probably also see his maturity journey, because so far, he appeared very absent-minded, lost in his thoughts, always trying to come up with solutions to save other people, which is admirable. I think that besides as a plot device, the fact that Belial/Tatiana hurt him with demonic poison was also a way to make Christopher aware that he should also be ready to fight as a shadowhunter other than cultivate his passion for science. I mean, he’ll probably have moments where he could use (like Henry in TID) what he invents as a useful tool in battle.

Denied Childhood

Last but not last, we have Grace. Grace is in this part of the spectrum because she is still very innocent, since she’s lived most of her life brainwashed by Tatiana/Belial. The person we see is not probably the real Grace, but a mannequin. She is also smart because her engagement to Charles was a way to escape her mother’s manipulation, but until she came to London, her whole life has been sheltered, Tatiana has told her lies, has molded her the way she wanted Grace to act as a mean to her revenge. Grace has suffered the same gaslighting Tatiana suffered from Benedict Lightwood, except Grace is aware of this and is trying to find ways to escape. Spending time with Ariadne and Lucie will only make her more conscious of who she really is, but it will be a long way because she still seems like a frail flower sometimes. She also seems not to have received training, so she’s even more in danger. CoI will probably feature a new side of Grace, and we’ll see her throw her innocence away (well, not literally, guys) and be more self-aware.

If we were to follow the logic I used so far, we’d see that Christopher and Grace might become love interests. If we look at the structure of the plot and of the couples we have so far, they are opposites but also similar. I know that many people don’t like Grace, but I believe that if she gets an arc where we see how she can give as a character, she may grow on us. Anyway, mine is just an assumption, I can be wrong. As for Lucie and Jesse, it’s only fitting the that the partially mature character and the character who wasn’t mature when he was alive and who became mature when he died, are going to be each other’s love interests. They are half-away. It’s only fitting because Lucie can also “call” ghosts who are still stuck in the living world (in the middle between life and death): understand what I mean?

Ok, I think I can close this essay by saying thank you for reading so far! But also, if you have ideas or comments etc, you can write in my ask box. As you see, I like to discuss about characters and plots, so I’m happy if you shot me a message, even in anon.

#alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #anna lightwood #ariadne bridgestock #jesse blackthorn #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #matthew fairchild #lucie herondale #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #tlh #the last hours #chain of gold #chain of iron #chain of thorns #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #my edits

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pruinesce-a2 · 4 years

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about all your recent posts for fuyumi i can understand how she feels & the constant fear & anxiety she has. to have incompatible parents & your the eldest so it's always a small trigger could make everything fall apart & your trying your best to keep everything together. you over analyze everything action and word to know if things are still okay or is something going to happen? to want everyone and everything to be fine. the amount of responsibility (1/2)

and sometimes you do want to just crash but you physically can't because it's how you've trained your mind to be always 'breath ur fine breath it's okay breath & get up & fix things it'll get better one day. maybe' you wish you had someone who could take off the weight for just a little bit but what if they don't do it right, what if that means i'm getting weak what if what if what if and it is just a nightmare (2/2)

Also because fuyumi's situation reminds me of mine, you feel terrified of romance and don't believe it actually exists, you have the fear of this repeating but with your own family and you dont want your kids to go through the same thing. Also you've never been responsible for only yourself so you're wondering if you ever will figure out who "you" are really. There's so much of yourself defined by the situation you are in that if it's gone, you don't know who you are (3/2 😭😭)

i’m incoherent bc i just got outta class but yes to pretty much all of this. and also, my friend, me too ! fuyumi is a HUGE comfort character of mine because i relate to her so much for the same reasons - and now i wanna go bit by bit n talk about all the stuff you mentioned because i’ve mentioned it in pieces on this blog but never in full and i just go crazy thinking about her.

trigger warnings for child abuse, death, and just. general unpleasantness.

first of all in all honesty, there’s really no situation in which endeavor could ever be compatible ( which isn’t a jab at you - just want it to be clear that this is beyond parents that don’t get along ! ). he’s straight up abusive and drove his wife to a complete mental break, as well as, as i’ve said before, y’know. beating the shit out of his kids. i wanna also clarify some things on the timeline before i get started ( i’m not sure if you’ve watched/read bnha, but also this is for my mutuals that haven’t ) - fuyumi is now the eldest living. the todorokis had four kids: touya, the firstborn, then fuyumi, then natsuo, and then shouto. and i want to follow that by linking you to this page, where we find out that..... touya died AFTER rei’s breakdown and subsequent hospitalization.

AFTER.

i honestly don’t know the timeline of touya and shouto’s training.... bc in this panel we see that baby touya didn’t have any burn marks, no bandages, he was fully capable of playing and running around. i also think if he would have been trained the same way shouto was, rei’s break would’ve come a lot sooner, and we wouldn’t have panels like this - i think before shouto, while the todoroki family was incredibly dysfunctional, they still had some semblance of a normal family, and that’s why fuyumi is so desperate to try to have a family again; because she knows and has seen that they were a family, or at least were in her understanding as a child. this seems particularly reinforced for me because natsuo, in the light novel, talks about how he always wanted endeavor’s attention as a kid! he thought it was unfair that shouto was the one who was getting it all, so it implies to me that.... one, they had no idea at first, and two, they had to have had at least a decent relationship with him before.

so i think what happened was.... after shouto’s quirk manifested, endeavor began to change. he started training shouto because he developed the quirk he wanted, all that stuff we already know, and the stress of it all drove rei into pouring the boiling water on shouto, and then we know she was put into psychiatric care. fuyumi was 12.

rei leaving was, obviously, hard on all of them. i think fuyumi was the most disconnected from her mother, because rei saw so much of herself in fuyumi and couldn’t stand it at times. natsuo in the light novel also mentioned he didn’t mind the lack of attention because he had his mom! so it hurt fuyumi, a lot, but she was able to be strong for them because a) she was older and b) she and her mother had a strained relationship anyway.

i headcanon fuyumi was the one who found rei and shouto. she heard the kettle whistle, the screaming and crying from the kitchen, and when she rounded the corner she saw her mother and shouto on the floor as we’ve seen in canon. it was incredibly scarring. fuyumi gets frequent flashbacks and invasive imagery from this event, especially when she hears that kettle whistle / sees her brothers in the kitchen. i’ve said it over and over but she hates them being there, shouto in particular - and i think this is backed up in the light novel when she immediately makes the boys leave the kitchen after shouto tries to come in and help.

i also think endeavor thought shouto was ruined after that. his “masterpiece” was ruined because there was a very strong possibility he’d never recover from that injury, and so endeavor, in desperation, turned to his first-born son as a replacement. his wife definitely wasn’t going to be giving him any more kids, and shouto as far as he knew was out of commission. fuyumi had an ice quirk and natsuo was practically quirkless, if not ENTIRELY quirkless. but touya.... had his flames. i don’t think endeavor initially wanted to train him because he wasn’t the perfect combination that he kept trying for with rei - but here, he’d reached his own breaking point, and touya was the only option left to continue his legacy.

but it’s implied endeavor pushed too hard, or was somehow directly involved in touya’s “death.” i put this in quotes because y’know, dabi is a todoroki theory. and this obviously just made things worse. i’m linking to this page again because it says that rei got worse, too, so much so that she couldn’t see shouto anymore - but it also implies to me that natsuo and fuyumi would still visit. but anyway ! touya dies, rei gets worse, and surely soon after endeavor finds out that shouto, while he’d have that scar on his face, would recover... and still be able to be trained.

so ummm.... now i can talk about fuyumi. all that and we’re JUST getting to her.

i’m kind of starting from the last ask here, but you’re entirely right - since the age of 13, fuyumi has never been able to define herself. from here on, she was entirely shaped by her trauma, and by roles she was never supposed to have fulfilled - i.e., motherhood. as a reminder, shouto was 5-6, natsuo was 9-10, and fuyumi, at age 13-14, truly began to step in rei’s place. so fuyumi starts taking care of the two of them while touya was the one who became isolated while he was trained. and like i said in a couple other posts, her brothers rejected her mothering them at first - i.e. natsuo lashing out and saying she’s NOT their mother and shouldn’t act like it, and shouto begging for their mom all the time and not understanding where she went. fuyumi barely had her own time to process what was happening and process the loss of her mother.

and then touya died. fuyumi probably feels partially responsible for his death, too, in the same way she and natsuo have said felt responsible for not helping shouto - she often thinks she could’ve done or said something to prevent that, too. and as you said, she overanalyzes everything and she’s incredibly hypervigilant to her father’s moods, because his satisfaction is, essentially, paramount to survival. touya died because he couldn’t meet her father’s standards, or maybe because he made endeavor angry, or whatever the case.

and you’re also right about the fact that she has no one to share the burden with - or, at the very least, feels like it. the one time natsuo tried to make it easier on her by cooking dinner, their father forbade him from never doing it again. i can only imagine what this fight looked like, and how scared fuyumi was of something so small turning into something irreparable. fuyumi says on this page they “take turns”, but i only think it ever happens when endeavor’s not home.

not to mention, as a defense and coping mechanism, became the image of a perfect mother to her brothers, and a perfect daughter to her father. always putting the boys first - i headcanon when either of them were sick, fuyumi would stay home from school to take care of them. always making sure her father was pleased and mediating between him and the boys. she developed this personality that consists of nothing but love and gentleness and understanding. i talked about this in my post about her and complex ptsd, but i’ll add the relevant excerpt here, too:

it’s also very common for these survivors to re-experience emotions from trauma intrusively - particularly when triggered. these feelings are often disproportionate to the present situation, but are equal to the intensity of what was required of them at the time of a trauma – also known as an emotional flashback.

fuyumi’s trauma has always put her in situations where she plays the peacemaker, the level head, the kind and gentle and understanding one. and because fuyumi is CONSTANTLY re-traumatized and exposed to her triggers because that entire house is one, it’s become her entire personality.

so fuyumi doesn’t really get to discover herself, at all, outside her trauma. her live revolves entirely around her brothers and her father. i think this also contributes to her desperation to repair her family now, because.... she doesn’t know what else is beyond that.

she’s stuck here. she can’t heal or move on right now.

fuyumi is a busybody because she KNOWS if she ever stops moving, she’ll crash, as you said. and it happens on occasion - but always behind closed doors. she has these.... quiet breaks, before she’s “fine” and moving on the next day. shouto and natsuo have never seen this side of her. she keeps this perfect facade of being put together tight under wraps.

i think the last thing to address with this ask is the aspect of romance and family - and once again, my dear friend, you’ve hit the nail on the head ! to start, fuyumi is deeply afraid of romance. she’s in love with the idea of it, as we can tell from her obsession with soap operas and trashy novels, but in reality it takes a long, long time for fuyumi to ever feel comfortable enough to define or initiate things between herself and someone else. it’s why she’s also always involved in people who are very straightforward, who won’t keep secrets from her, because she needs clarity in a relationship always. not to even mention a family of her own - fuyumi is so terrified of becoming her mother. even now, it’s why she refuses to let her brothers in the kitchen with her - because she knows how alike they are.

what’s really incredible to me is that despite all of that, fuyumi’s love and optimism and empathy and all that kindness and gentleness for the world is still very real and true. you can see it in the way she smiles, it’s in the way she sees the little things in people and remembers them, it’s in the unconditional love and understanding she gives to her friends and partners, the care she takes in tending to the family garden, the attention to her students - she truly embodies the good of humanity, the good of people - an aspect of her character that i love is how entirely mundane she is, and yet... she’s so, so special. her path to healing will always begin with forgiveness (though once she’s able to get away from endeavor, she’ll never be around him again), because she’s not a person that can live with anger in her heart, and i will always love how that’s presented as an entirely valid thing to do.

as a final addendum to this post, nearly no one knows about any of that. fuyumi won’t talk about it unless it’s entirely unavoidable, and even then she tries to make excuses and dance around it. like.... she stops up, she can’t speak. she freezes and completely stops functioning. ironic considering how openly her brothers will talk about it.

so anyways. i don’t think you expected this long winded answer, but i couldn’t help myself. thanks for sending this in !

#anonymous #✲ \ 𝚃𝙾 𝙸𝚂𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙴 ‚ meta.#long post //#child abuse //#domestic abuse //#child death //#ask to tag //#GOD THIS GOT SO LONG WINDED BUT I REEEEEAAAALLY WANTED 2 TALK ABT THIS....#BUT YES !! TO ALL OF THIS !!#MWAH THANK U ANON

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cruelangelstheses · 4 years

Text

a simple misunderstanding

fandom: avatar: the last airbender rating: G characters: sokka/zuko, katara words: 2k additional tags: canon compliant, fluff description: zuko and katara start hanging out, just the two of them. sokka gets suspicious and decides to investigate. a/n: hi!! this was written for the @lgbtqshipszine and i can post it now! i love my silly boys

read it on ao3

—

Sokka is a good older brother—he thinks so, at least. He does his best to look out for Katara and give her advice when she needs it, but he also tries to give her some space and let her make her own decisions. They are only a year apart, after all, and she’s grown up a lot since they first found Aang in the iceberg.

So when Sokka notices that Katara has been spending more time alone with Zuko, he holds himself back from immediately confronting her about it. They could be doing anything, talking about anything. He’s trusted her to be alone with guys before; he’s even teased Aang for his long-standing crush on Katara. Besides, they clearly bonded in some way when they went to search for the man who killed Sokka and Katara’s mother, even when it didn’t turn out the way they’d expected. He should be happy that they’re getting along now.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust Zuko, and it’s certainly not that he doesn’t trust Katara. He doesn’t think Zuko would do anything to hurt her—or, well, not on purpose—and he pities the fool who would even try, because hell hath no fury like a Katara scorned. So, really, it shouldn’t be any of his business what Zuko and Katara talk about in whispers on the shores of Ember Island or in the courtyard of Ozai’s beach house. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Unfortunately, try as he might, Sokka just can’t shake the slightly sick feeling he gets in his stomach whenever he sees them talking, even if it’s only a word or two about what they’re having for dinner. He watches their interactions for any indication of romance, but if they do feel that way about each other, they’re doing a damn good job of hiding it. They don’t hold hands—in fact, they barely touch at all, except for when necessary—and they don’t usually sit next to each other during meals. Zuko does sit next to her when they go to see the Ember Island Players, but it seems completely platonic, and Sokka doesn’t miss the way they slowly scooch away from each other during the “romantic” scene between their actor selves. They still talk, though, and sometimes, Katara says something to Zuko that makes him blush furiously. Talk about mixed signals.

So Sokka makes little to no progress on his theory, which is really less of a theory and more of a sneaking suspicion that there’s something fishy going on. Zuko has been acting strange around Sokka for a little while, occasionally stuttering or spacing out in the middle of a conversation, and it might have to do with this whole business with Katara. If Zuko’s had a crush on her for some time, then it would make sense that he’d be nervous about Sokka’s reaction. (Sokka, for his part, feels weird around Zuko sometimes too, but that’s probably just because Zuko hasn’t been with them for very long, and maybe a small part of Sokka is still nervous around the guy who used to try to capture or kill them all on a regular basis.) Eventually, he decides he’ll just have to take the initiative and talk to Katara himself, or else the wondering is going to drive him crazy.

He corners her one evening after dinner, when everyone else has dispersed and Katara is starting to clean up in the kitchen. She looks up from the sink when she hears his footsteps and raises an eyebrow.

“I’m guessing you’re not here to help me clean up,” she says.

Sokka leans up against the nearby wall in an attempt to look casual. “Katara,” he starts out, “you know you can trust me, right? With anything?”

Katara frowns in confusion. “Yeah, of course. You’re my brother.”

Sokka nods and crosses his arms over his chest. “Good! Good.” He clears his throat awkwardly as he searches for the right words. “Because I realize that you can make your own decisions and that you don’t need me protecting you all the time, and so you know that if, say, you were to start dating some angsty firebender who used to try to kill us all the time, you could tell me that, right?”

Katara nearly drops the bowl she’s washing and shuts off the water. “What?”

Sokka can feel his face heating up. Apparently rambling tactlessly is still one of his strong suits. “Just, you know, theoretically,” he adds pathetically.

Katara just stares at him incredulously. “Zuko?” she says with a laugh. “You think I’m dating Zuko?”

Sokka shrugs. “Well, what else was I supposed to think with you two always running off to talk privately? Zuko hasn’t been able to look me in the eye since the Boiling Rock. I thought maybe he was nervous around me because he was afraid of how I’d react if I knew he had a crush on you or something.”

Katara laughs again. “Well, you don’t need to worry about that. I’m not particularly interested in him, and I’m positive he’s not interested in me.”

Sokka narrows his eyes. “Well, then, what have you two been talking about?”

Katara’s cheeks turn pink. “Us? Uh, nothing. Nothing important. What, two people aren’t allowed to just talk to each other alone?”

Sokka snorts. Like brother, like sister. “Well, that’s not suspicious.”

Katara sighs. “Look, if you really wanna know, you’re better off talking to Zuko.”

“He’s been acting weird around me for weeks now,” Sokka says, trying not to let the hurt seep into his voice. “What makes you think he’d tell me anything?”

“He will,” Katara replies cryptically, and with that, she returns to washing the dishes.

Clearly Sokka isn’t going to be getting a solid answer out of this conversation, so he turns around and heads down the hall to find Zuko.

It doesn’t take long to locate him, out in the courtyard practicing firebending with Aang. Zuko’s been training him in a frenzy; it feels like that’s all they do sometimes. They just ate, and they’re already back at it again, likely at Zuko’s direction. The least they could do is take a few breaks.

Sokka waltzes down the couple of steps outside and into the courtyard. As they’re both practicing the same forms, Aang moving his body in sync with Zuko’s, neither of them notice him approaching. Sokka waits until they seem like they’re at a good stopping point, assuming a final fighting stance and then relaxing their postures, to call out, “Hey, Zuko? I need to talk to you.”

Zuko nearly jumps at the sound of his voice and whirls around. “Okay,” he says, attempting to act calm, but very obviously failing. The sweat rolling down his temples doesn’t help matters, either. “What is it?”

Sokka awkwardly glances over at Aang. “Uh, can we talk in private, actually?”

Zuko narrows his eyes, but nods silently and waves a hand in Aang’s direction, dismissing him. Once he’s out of earshot, Sokka sits down on one of the steps. Zuko, however, remains standing.

Sokka decides to just get straight to the point. “So. You and Katara.”

Zuko raises an eyebrow. “What about me and Katara?”

“You’ve been talking a lot recently,” Sokka says. “Alone.”

Zuko’s face heats up, though it was already a little flushed from training. “So?”

“I asked Katara about it, but I didn’t get much out of her. I thought maybe you two were dating or something, but she said that wasn’t it. She wouldn’t tell me anything else, though.” Sokka shrugs. “She told me to ask you instead.”

Zuko folds his arms over his chest. “What gives you the right to know about two people’s private business?” He really sounds like a prince there, and it looks like he knows it.

“Well, number one, something’s telling me this ‘business’ was hidden pretty specifically from me, and I’d like to know why,” Sokka replies. “And number two, I’d appreciate some sort of heads-up if my sister ends up dating the crown prince of the Fire Nation, who spent the better part of a year actively trying to capture us.” That last part comes out sounding more hostile than he means for it to.

Zuko scowls and throws his hands out. “What are you saying? That after all this time, after everything, you still don’t trust me?”

Sokka holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “No, no, I didn’t mean—”

“Save it.” Zuko scoffs, but there isn’t any venom in it, just hurt. “And here I was starting to think we—”

He bites his lip and stops talking, just stands and stares with his hands balled up into fists at his sides and his eyes glinting with something Sokka can’t quite decipher.

“What?” Sokka asks. “Starting to think we what?”

Zuko shakes his head, looks away. His body relaxes, and he opens his hands back up, using one of them to rub at his scarred eye. Finally, he walks over to the steps and sits down next to Sokka, resting his arms on his knees as he thinks about his response. After a long moment of silence, he speaks.

“When we were together at the Boiling Rock, I...realized something. I decided to talk to Katara about it later, and then she started giving me some advice.”

Sokka narrows his eyes in confusion. “Why her specifically?”

Zuko sighs. “Because she knows you best.”

Sokka shakes his head. He really, truly has no idea what’s going on here. “What does this have to do with me?”

Zuko is quiet for a long time. Finally, he says with a small laugh, “You got it all mixed up, Sokka. I’m not interested in your sister. I’m interested in you.”

Sokka almost doesn’t believe that he’s hearing correctly. His heart is full of so many somethings, things like relief and shock and hope and desire and an overwhelming feeling of duh.

“Me?” he sputters, because he realizes that he hasn’t said anything yet, and Zuko is looking at him like he expects Sokka to slap him. “I—me?”

Zuko smiles wryly. “I know; I was surprised, too.”

For a moment, they just look at each other. Then they both start laughing, so awkwardly and so stupidly. They laugh so hard that Sokka’s stomach starts to hurt. They laugh so hard that they have to hold onto each other to catch their breath, and that’s when Sokka leans in.

It’s short and soft, an apology, a beginning. He tastes like fire and what they had for dinner, but Sokka doesn’t mind. When they kiss, it feels like something clicks inside of him.

Zuko pulls away first, guilt written all over his face. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was just afraid—I didn’t know how you’d—”

“No, no, I get it,” Sokka assures him. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t trust you, because I do, Zuko. I do.”

Zuko’s lips curl up into the faintest smile. “I wanted to ask Katara for her blessing. And then I just ended up coming to her for advice on how to...well. Court you, I guess.”

Sokka snorts. “Just be yourself. That’s enough for me. Just don’t go making me jealous.”

Zuko giggles—he actually straight-up giggles. Sokka thinks he could listen to it forever. “Jealous? Of who, Katara?”

“Well, yeah. I assumed you two had a thing.”

Zuko shrugs, his cheeks bright red. “I never said it was a good plan. But it worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

Sokka smiles to himself and laces his fingers with Zuko’s. His heart feels like it might take off and fly away at any moment. “Yeah,” he says softly. “I suppose it did.”

(Katara finds them kissing again a few minutes later, and the only thing she says is “Finally.”)

#atla #zukka #zuko #sokka #avatar: the last airbender #zuko x sokka #sokka x zuko #my fics #ITS HERE

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soft-sunflower · 4 years

Text

Flower of Evil Thoughts: Part 1- Episode 11

OKAY. FIRST OF ALL. WAS I RIGHT OR WAS I RIGHT? ABOUT MANY THINGS. I KNEW we were in for a massive emotional blow from Hyunsoo. I KNEW we were in for getting our hearts utterly wrecked by him and Jiwon. I know mine is. I KNEW who the accomplice was. I just... KNEW. I love that so many of my theories were correct from the get go. Alright, on we go to this week's episode thought post made by yours truly.

Alright so, we begin our episode at the hospital. OMG!!! Our little baby girl Eunha had just been born!!! Jiwon is overcome with all kinds of emotion. One of the things she says is "I'm grateful that she made it." It makes me wonder if there were complications during Eunha being delivered? Hyunsoo is trying to understand the reason for his wife's tears, and expresses to her that he's worried when she asks what's on his mind. I have a pretty good idea of what he's worried about, but obviously he cannot say this to Jiwon.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Translates to

"What if she resents having me for her father? What if she ends up like me, unable to express or understand emotions? What if she ends up like my father? What if she doesn't have your personality? What if I fail her the way I was failed growing up?"

Of course he can't say this because he doesn't even really know nor understand it himself. Then their baby girl starts to cry. Hyunsoo looks curiously at her and asks Jiwon

"Why did she suddenly burst into tears?"

Jiwon explains she probably shares their feelings.

"There's a lot she wants to say, but she can't put it into words yet."

I feel like this is important to pay attention to. A lot she wants to say, but can't put it into words and this is why she's crying. Hmmm...

Alright, so back to Haesoo discovering the green bracelet back when the hospital opened, and she hears a strange sound outside. I have to admit, when she ripped open the curtains, it gave me a jumpscare haha. I thought something BAD was gonna be out there waiting for her! They sure do a good job at keeping the suspense up! I wasn't sure what was going to happen. lol You never can tell in this drama. It's always got me on my toes. Haesoo is getting closer and closer to the accomplice. She can feel it. I can too, but it has me worried.

OKAY so, we finally pick back up at the scene in present-day for Jiwon where last week's episode ended with Detective Choi Jaeseop confronting Jiwon about Do Hyunsoo's identity. I felt a very strong, almost brotherly aspect from Detective Choi here with Jiwon, but he still frustrated me unbelievably. I get it, he's a cop. Just doing his job, but still... please use your brain on this rather than taking a cold case at face value. There's A LOT more going on he does not know. I have to give him props for covering smoothly for Jiwon. I know he isn't doing this to hurt Jiwon. That this is his job, but I don't have to like it. I just hate how he acts on his gut feeling and what he's "heard" or hearsay rather than working with Jiwon to uncover the truth that Do Hyunsoo did not kill the village foreman.

Also excuse me?? I'm sorry, Detective Choi, but her emotions are VERY VERY real. Whether you want to believe that or not. Jiwon knows so much more than you do about this entire ordeal and you should stop riding on your own emotions for a moment and work with your teammate rather than telling her she needs off the case. Such as, finding out the real Heeseong is NOT dead. He's been comatose for 14+ years and now he's wide awake and talking. This is one case she HAS to be on no matter what. Because he is so dearly misinformed. I'm getting a little tired of this "He's deceiving you" crap about Hyunsoo because we all know this isn't the truth. Yes, he kept his real identity secret, but he never faked anything around her. He showed her openly who he really is and can be. He was NEVER Baek Heeseong. He was ALWAYS Do Hyunsoo. A good person.

When Jiwon fell to her knees pleading (Moon Chaewon's delivery of "Sunbae, please!" and "I'll put my life on the line to prove his innocence!" hurt so much that if I had been standing, I would've went to my knees too *sob* Well done, girl) to him. I do like how he wanted to try and protect her by saying "You don't know anything." I have to give him some credit for that.

"It's obvious how the world will see him. Everyone will throw rocks at him and taunt him indefinently."

Oh Jiwon... he's already been through that. LITERALLY. *glares are freaking Moojin* But we definitely don't want that happening to him again. He's a GOOD man and he deserves for the world to see that he's good and he's innocent. You are going to be the one who can prove who he is to the world. And no, Detective Choi... she won't thank you. Not now or ever for arresting any innocent man that also happens to be her husband. I'm sorry, but no. She won't.

We cut to Hyunsoo and Moojin together in Hyunsoo's car... I knew from the start that this operation was too well put together. There's no way that transaction was gonna flow as smoothly as Hyunsoo hoped it would. Though I'm glad that Moojin did come along for help and I'm glad that Hyunsoo had a plan B if things went south, which they ALWAYS do because hello? This is Kdrama world haha. The bugging device was clever on Hyunsoo's part, and I'm glad he was thinking ahead on that one. This stuff is never bound to go right. And once again, clever clever with turning on the switch AFTER he'd been ran over with the detector. Nice one.

Alright, Detective Choi earned more redemption from me here when he smoothly lied to their fellow teammates about "Eunha being sick and in the hospital." I will give him more credit here. Credit where credit is due, but I am SO proud of Jiwon for not backing down on this, stepping in and taking charge. Girl, GET. IT!! Protect your man!!!I LOVE her fierce determination here. You aren’t gonna stop her, sunbae.

YES!!! Moojin has the address to where the people captured by the human traffickers are waiting! I'm so glad for this honestly. I'm really glad Hyunsoo bugged that bag. Jiwon gets the call from the "informant" (Moojin pretending to be Hyunsoo, which YES she IS needed on this case THANK YOU very much) and now they know where they can rescue those kidnapped people while busting the trafficking ring.

"You want me to just stay in the office and wait!? What would you do in my shoes?"

And it seems Detective Choi has a moment of conscience here because what WOULD he do? He's got a wife too, right? What would HE do if this were HIS wife that he so dearly loves??? That's right. He'd be just like Jiwon. Who wouldn't??

Ahhh, just as Yeom Sangchul is about to hand over the photos of the accomplice to Hyunsoo, his phone rings... and guess what it says on the screen? BAEK. Yep. That's right. Freaking BAEK. And it's the unfather. It's Baek Manwoo calling to not only put a hit out on Hyunsoo but to tell the trafficker that he's working with the police to catch them and offers him TWICE the money he's already giving them if they kill Hyunsoo... I mean REALLY??? WTF you shady bastard! I had a BAD feeling from him since the very first episode and those bad feelings just continue to be confirmed to me. This whole Baek family are nothing but creepy, shady, untrustworthy assholes covering up some major shit such as WORKING WITH HUMAN TRAFFICKERS. Down to the point that Yeom Sangchul called him "Sir." UGH. DISGUSTING.

Heeseong is "scared" of Do Hyunsoo? Oh please... Why I do I feel like a lot of this that he's pulling off is a big act? I dunno. I could be wrong but I do not trust him in the least.

And now Noona!? Girl what are you DOING!? Haven’t you ever heard the term Stranger Danger? Well, these are strangers and this is danger! Watching her go behind those iron gates just gives me this creepy "point of no return" vibe. You know? She is far far too trustworthy... Was it smart to tell them her name?? And that Hyunsoo is her brother?? The look on Heeseong's face SCREAMS guilty when he hears Haesoo speak her name. I'm JUST saying. He's fucked. He KNOWS who Haesoo is after all.

YESSSS!!!! So gratifying watching the cops BUST that trafficking ring! Thank you, Hyunsoo!! Your tip off just saved A LOT of lives. I really hope the cops so eager to imprison him realize this too on top of his innocence. Jiwon and Jaeseop's chase of the bartender on the bridge was awesome. I loved watching Jiwon switch directions with both her and Jaeseop have him surrounded on that bridge. When I saw Jiwon get stabbed I screamed. I really screamed. Because I thought for sure she was hurt, and thank GOD she had protective gear on. I love how she reemed Jaeseop's ass for not wearing his. HAH! And you didn't want her on this case! My girl is a legit badass.

Then when Jaeseop told her not to butt in in the future, and asked if she knew how scared he was (awww like a big ole brother protecting his sister), Jiwon tells him "I have no future." Oh god... *chokes* Yes you do, baby girl. Yes you do. You just don't know it yet. They capture the guy, are about to head back and she tells him "I still have something to do." YESSSS Queen. Go get your man! He's still wearing his watch. You'll find him so go get him out of that dangerous place!!!

Annnnd now the big moose trafficker guy working with Yeom Sangchul is beating the holy hell out of our Hyunsoo. I knew this was bound to happen. NONE of these things ever go properly or smoothly in Kdrama and of course it's for dramatic affect, but still. It's hard to watch him get tossed around and beaten like a ragdoll. Hyunsoo tries to fight back, but it's almost like no will is there. He's just going through the motions. He throws Hyunsoo into a shelving unit and slams his head off of a glass bottle, shattering it and busting his head open. And then he slams his head through a glass cabinet door. Again... another head injury. (This poor man seriously needs to get thoroughly checked and evaluated for head injury, fractures, contusions, concussions, etc... because with how much he's hit his head... goodness!!!)

Awww, Moojin... you tried really hard to save Hyunsoo, didn't you with the fire extinguisher act? That's definitely a redeeming quality for you here. I'm grateful you did that, even if it wasn't very effective. He can't get out, Moojin.. he's had the shit beat out of him and now he's tied up. But I so appreciate your efforts in trying to rescue our protagonist. Why does Lee Joongi have to be so incredibly gorgeous, even when he's got bloody head wounds and is all tied up. Gosh. My brain is thinking lots of things. Okay let's FOCUS.

THIS WHOLE BAEK FAMILY IS A SHADY, FAKE, LYING SACK OF SCUM. PLEASE, Noona... PLEASE do not fall for this. HAH. Well, their son isn't comatose anymore. He's wide awake. Also, took pity on Hyunsoo!? No they didn't. Not even CLOSE. They used him to their advantage. They're worried Hyunsoo will get caught up in it? HAHA! BULLSHIT. And you KNOW he isn't a criminal and yet you treat him like one!? Why not just leave the him TF alone. He doesn't want your son's identity anymore. You're putting hits on him with a human trafficker and you're gonna act like he matters? Noona, please... PLEASE don't fall for their act.

Oh she's telling them too much. WAY too much. She's giving them too much vital information, and I'm really afraid that this is going to be somehow used against her... especially in regards to the accomplice... who I believe is also CHEWING HIS NAILS ON HIS LEFT HAND. JUST LIKE I SAID HE WAS DOING IN THE PREVIEW. WHICH IS ANOTHER LEAD TO HIM BEING THE ACCOMPLICE. Those left nails. Chewed off. Nervous habit obviously, but STILL OBVIOUS OKAY. The real Heeseong IS the accomplice. Look at the way the whole Baek family behaves. They're a horrible, scary, shady family trying to cover their murderous son's ass.

Ohhhh CRAP, Moojin!!! He is getting the holy HELL beat out of him and he's getting it on video on his phone too! Like WOW!!! People are seeing this stuff live!!! This is absolutely crazy!!! No good stomping the phone, bro. All of that was just broadcast live. Good luck getting out of your lil trafficker ring hideout on time. You're gonna burn Hyunsoo alive??? Seriously??? That's pretty cruel. At least Hyunsoo tries to be clever by also trying to weasel the name out of the guy that ratted him out. Oh if ONLY Hyunsoo could find out!! That's MORE valuable information to help clear his name! That the shady unfather put a hit out on him. He deserves to know that this man is out for his blood.

YASSSSSSSSSS JIWON!!!! GO QUEEN!!! GO AND SAVE YOUR MAN!!!! GET HIM OUTTA THERE AND BLOW THAT TRAFFICKER'S HEAD OFF!!!! Obviously this isn't going to happen. Jiwon wouldn't kill unless absolutely necessary is what I believe. She is a police officer after all, but there was NOTHING like watching Jiwon have her gun to that piece of garbage excuse for a human being gang punk bastard's head while looking at her husband saying "Sweetie, are you alright?" It's a whole.fucking.ass.mood. I'll reiterate my statement from earlier. JIWON IS A LEGIT BADASS. She is such an amazing lead female. The look on Hyunsoo’s face... It’s like he’s in a state of shock.

YAY!!! The victims are FREE!!! Thank god In Seo is okay!! And yes, sweet precious baby boy. You can go home. You most certainly can go home and don't ever EVER run away from your mother ever again. You stay next to her and both of you need to protect each other and keep each other out of any dangerous situations, y'know, like showing up in shady places that involve a human trafficking ring. No more trying to take on fake jobs that will "make you lots of money." That's the first sign it's a dangerous situation and non-legit. Also, I love how the team leader knows Jaeseop is lying to him, but that he wouldn't do it without good reason. And I'm glad he's still keeping it up. I like that he's still protecting Jiwon. Even if that means lying to their team leader. He's going to make his arrest in the morning, but he's going to let Jiwon and Hyunsoo have the whole night together... oh god, my heart. Please don't imprison an innocent man...

Oh, Hyunsoo... oh honey. You can see emotion beginning to brim the surface here as he stumbles out Jiwon's name saying "You knew...?" Yes, sweetheart. She's known for a little while now, and she was completely unsure of what to do or how to tell you until she got the truth of it all. And here she is. Getting you out of there. Rescuing you and protecting you. Jiwon is your fiercest protector. That much is clear. And OMG DO NOT PUT YOUR GUN AWAY JIWON. GET YOUR CUFFS BUT DO NOT... OH NO!!!!

Gangster piece of SHIT is attacking her!!! And Hyunsoo is LOSING it because he's tied up and he can't get to his wife! So what does he do while he watching this nasty bastard try to kill her? ADRENALINE SURGE! He literally BUSTS the handles off the cabinet with tied up arm strength alone because the idea of his wife being choked to death in front of him has sent him into a frenzy, gets his hands free and beats the ever living deserving SHIT out of Yeom Sangchul, to the point that he's seeing RED and he's going to kill this son of a bitch for daring to lay a hand on his wife. He's in full blown protective husband mode and it's actually pretty hot. I can't help it. It is. Whenever JG fights, he is like fire hot sexy af, and I LOVE every moment of it.

Okay, so Jiwon pulls him off of Sangchul and here we go... she's telling him. He's telling him she knows. She's telling him that Detective Choi has evidence that he's Do Hyunsoo, and the way she tells him he can't go home (omg his FACE at this words...) keeps telling him to go, slaps his chest and shoves him back, tells him to run and never come back to her again, and the look on his face breaks my heart, because I feel like this tells him she knows and doesn't want him anymore. She knows your real identity and this is why she wants you gone. She doesn't love you anymore, she wants you gone. The person Do Hyunsoo is not worth the love of a woman like Cha Jiwon.

“You’re good at running and hiding!” Ohhh ouch, Jiwon... I truly believe that this is how he feels because that's how he's lived all of his life. Believing himself unworthy of love because of all the adults who failed him in his life, the adults who didn't help him, teach him, show him what it's like to be loved, what love feels like, what the emotions that accompany love feel like. He's emotionally shaken. It's written all over his face, his eyes, and his body language. The man who supposedly can't recognize emotion is getting very emotional. He's lost. He doesn't know what to do. Jiwon is just as equally crushed. She doesn't want to lose her husband, but of course Hyunsoo does not know this. He believes Jiwon doesn't want him anymore. So he does as he's told and leaves the room with his head bowed. All Jiwon can do is cry over her retreating husband. That was hard to watch...

Moojin rushes in to find Jiwon on the phone asking for backup and Yeom Sangchul unconscious on the floor...

To be continued in Part 2

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #do hyun soo #cha ji won #lee joongi #moon chaewon #do hyunsoo #cha jiwon #joonchae couple #episode thoughts #flower of evil episode 11

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dafukdidiwatch · 3 years

Text

Chapter 9 and 10 End

Got to go, running late on things. Will do recap later

TL;DR: I’m screaming, parent issues are are abundant as abusive and manipulation, and I have a new ship going on.

Edit: Ok I am back and I have new theories on everything going on because Fuck I’m down the rabbit hole here. Where or where do I fucking begin.

Really this session just hammers down the different type of abuse that poor Lucy is going through. It’s even color coded and everything. Blue being cold, isolation, physical and emotional neglect from Thierry. Vs the Red of warm, attentiive, possessive and emotional manipulation that is Fidelia.

I don’t doubt that Fidelia cares for Lucy. But it obviously is really twisted if like only one day in Fidelia is already trying to run Lucy’s life how she thinks it should be. Honestly Seiji nailed it when he pointed out the outfit change was more for Fidelia’s taste instead of Lucys’s.

And this chapter is nothing more than family secrets revealed to Sylas isn’t it? Like, how far do you have to break the boy he’s already hurt enough. His dad literally hating his eldest and lawful child, hates his mother, 100% willing to have an affair and have more children and being told flat to his face he is nothing but a tool. It hurt to learn he was there just as a ploy for Fidelia to keep Lucy to herself, but I loved how he still cared for his half siblings. He wasn’t angry at Emilia’s existence, but how Fidelia had seemed to cast her to the wolves that is their father. He wanted to learn more about Lucy as a person, as his sibling, and was happy that it sounded like they wanted to connect too. But of course he couldn’t because Fidelia made sure to try and nuke that chance before it could bloom. Leaving them both just as lonely as ever.

Ugh it sucks so much because Lucy left from one form of isolation abuse to another!

And a minor note, Peony is probably another bastard child of Fidelia and Dubois. Her and Emilia are probably twins than Dubois didn’t want to take care of both of them so he found a way to ditch one into the streets. I mean, it’s the fucking nose people! The timeline merges and fit to one complicated mess that wouldn’t have happened if two people didn’t decide to bone down.

God I want to know what January will think of this, hearing that the anomaly they were supposed to hunt down is now Fidelia’s pet favorite. Actually, now that Lucy is here, will Fidelia even care for January as much? Or will she still try since this is her way of manipulating the council.

Rin is apparently living her best life as a wolf monster of not giving a fuck and about to do some dirty backdoor dealings with Fidelia. That is Not going to bode well.

And finally, Seiji. Wow did that Bastard Man manage to change my perception of him. You bastard, how dare you make me like you. Fucking Twerp. But god, he is trying to get it through to Sylas that he should go after someone who Likes Him. Which, puts Sylas first as part of his feelings, but also can be flipped on to himself because if Sylas is straight, then Seiji should go after someone who likes him. And that hurts.

And then when he talked to Lucy, like first time ever talked to Lucy, it was cute. It was dramatic. It felt like a normal conversation where they aren’t putting on airs with each other and just trying to figure shit out. And it was, really cute. He has this fucking “devil-may-care” rogue persona that he defaults to when he feels cornered, hence the kiss to piss people off. But, having that be your first form of romantic interest after being in isolation for 5 years, I can see why Lucy may be smitten.

Of Course....it sucks that Seiji only managed to put 2 and 2 together on Lucy and Cylas AFTER he dipped. But he got there eventually. The disaster bastard man.

I think I have a thing where I can only approve of ships if I see some in-canon connection/plausibility first. And it wasn’t a pair I would see dating. But I honestly hope there could be some feelings that sprout between the two. Some emotional development that doesn’t center around emotional abuse since Seiji knows what’s up with Fidelia and calls her out on that.

And since this post couldn’t possibly get any longer: underneath are my theories and just what is up with Morgan and Thierry.

This is what happens when I get caught up on comics, I have IDEAS.

Let’s start off somewhere simple here: Timeline.

Fidelia and Dubois have affair. Multiple times. And it resulted in Morgan. Something Something happened and they pushed Morgan into hiding so it has no connection to them. I’m also thinking that because of how Morgan has no connection to them, since Fidelia lost touch with her kid, she made sure/blackmail the Dubois to raise their next kid as his own to make sure they are taken care of. Hence Emilia’s life.

Anyway Morgan was sick, went to the care of Joe Rothart and Dr. Malliet, where a sudden Husk attack killed Morgan and Dr. Malliet 5 years ago. Where Thierry took them to be raised as “Lucien” under his care.

Thierry “gave up everything” for the kid, meaning he thought it was in his best interest to take Morgan.

The reason Joe has a soft spot for Husks is probably because Dr. Malliet was his significant other/partner. Tobi asked if they “broke up” so it implies they were dating. See here I was thinking that Morgan was like, Joe’s brother or something, way older at the very least. But Morgan was the sickly kid, the patient, and Malliet was the other Husk Expert trying to help.

Basically what I’m saying is that Thierry and Joe were lovers. Thierry Rothart is really Dr. Thierry Malliet. While trying to help Morgan, he used his own magic to maybe siphoned the illness away or something and ended up turning into a Husk himself. So when he squirreled away with Morgan (Lucy) he took the last name of Rothart as a momento of their past relationship/ what could have been and as a way of hiding himself.

Also, Ivy isn’t his cat.

We fucking saw what happened with Captain Yiff of the Wolf Brigard. She turned into wolf mode like Jade did. However!!! Thierry became the bird man of Alcatraz and sprouted feathers. AND! Husks are people who literally reabsorb their magic familiars back into themselves. Meaning that Thierry can’t have absorbed his Peacock Bird familiar AND have Ivy the CAT be his active familiar.

The only way I can think this was any way possible to have a “have your cake and eat it too” moment is because of Su. Su never had magic to begin with, and how she’s a Goat Husk, implying if she did have access to magic her familiar would be a goat. The same could have happened to Lucy.

It was stated that for a Husk the magic comes from the eyes, and eyes are the windows of the soul. Trying to heal Morgan resulted in draining the magic from their eye and that magic latched itself into Thierry, turning him into a peacock man.

....why he wants to have his house be a shrine of peacocks of what he did instead of his own fucking cat, I will never know.

Regardless, I’m thinking that after Thierry did manage to cure Morgan, since he took their eye (again, part of the soul) it probably resulted in memory loss too. I’m thinking that the eyepatch is just covering a hole or dark powers because if Lucy has like one-eye in husk mode that would be really stupid.

It also better explains Ivy helping out Thierry’s Husk mode. Familiars are conduits of magic that allows the Mages/Magicians to safely use their magic without overloading. That’s why when the magic is reabsorbed into the person the magic is out of control and fluctuates on emotion. The animals are safeguards. So Ivy, as Thierry’s familiar, is able to drain away the magic in his emotional states. But that also backfires because draining away magic that wasn’t necessarily his means it was also draining away his memory, hence his behavior issues with Lucy.

Which can also explain Lucy’s own “magic draining powers” is because they is out of balance. They aren’t like non-magic people where they aren’t able to access their magic. They aren’t like regular magicians where an animal familiar is there to help manage magic. And they aren’t like Husks where all the magic is fully absorbed into their body. Because they don’t have access to their original magic source (Thanks Thierry) their body is trying to balance itself out by siphoning the magic of others. Fill in the gap as it were. Which only works if they are in close physical contact with a magic source. But because it isn’t their original magic, it doesn’t last long. That’s why even though Ana was drained completely of magic, Lucy is unable to use it anymore, or at the very least can’t access it as easily.

The only other thing I could think of is how the hell does Fidelia connect with Thierry. Because Ivy was scared shitless of her or the thought of her. She probably threatened them both as Dr. Malliet to do “whatever it takes” to cure Morgan, and we all know how possessive she is with her children.

Long story short, Dr. Thierry Malliet did some experimental treatment which resulted in his husk form and Morgan’s cure/memory loss/magic issues. To protect themselves from being hunted, he fake their deaths and hid away as a recluse and raising Morgan as Lucy so the city’s magic leaders won’t hunt them down.

#dafukblog #NevSat #NevSatchp10 #NevSat008 #NevSat008 end

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ofcastora · 3 years

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@lavolumnia replied to your post: i wanna read more from this AU

In which I continue the DiVerona Regency AU // Part 1 of me transforming Castora and Vivianne’s baking class into a Regency women’s archery club, inspired by this historical club and these outfits ft. Bridgerton-level historical accuracy

MENTIONED/APPEAR: @lavolumnia, @priam-taravella, Damiano Montague, Cosimo Capulet, Tiberius Capulet, Rafaella Capulet, Juliana Capulet, @ofaguilar, @deadvalentinagallo

Miss Castora Aguilar learned that young ladies should hold their tongue at a young age, but she quickly disregarded the lesson. She was a poorer, scandal-tainted relation; not quite an orphan, but just as good as. If she did not speak for herself, then who would? The world was unkind on a good day, and outright cruel on another, and there is no shame in surviving.

She had been permitted to be sharp-tongued by society because she had titled and/or well-connected friends who would vouch for her, and while she toed the line of what was appropriate or not, the only truly unforgivable thing she had done was be the daughter of a scoundrel. It is, unsurprisingly, difficult to find a match on the marriage mart when your father may or may not have stolen great deals of money from your potential suitor’s fathers, and perhaps something of more value from their mothers.

Alas, the Season practically thrived on such awkward encounters.

It had started out a day like any other – a quiet breakfast with her cousin that became quite rowdy when Miss Valentina Gallo came by to call on Ramona. The two went off on their own “adventure” to “buy some new ribbon,” which meant Castora would discover what they actually did in two weeks time. They used to invite her to their outings, but Castora learned it was better for all them if Castora had other plans during that time.

To achieve that purpose, she had recently taken up with a women’s archery club that practiced every Thursday in Hyde Park: the Hyde Park Amazons, a name that Castora had thought wonderful until she met the club’s captain, Mrs. Silviana, and realized she was more of a meddlesome matron than a ferocious warrior, although were the two not the same?

It took Castora about five minutes about joining Silviana’s group to realize that she was awful at archery. By all accounts, she should have been good by it. She was an active young woman and her temperament was certainly suited to the activity. In fact, she was the worst.

Well, second-to-worst.

Well, she and Lady Vivianne Sloane were about equally matched. It was quite lucky that their practices were in a rather empty area of the park

The two women had started around the same time; since they were both new and awful, they were often paired up during practice. Castora didn’t dislike Lady Vivianne – she just did not like her very much. During their time with the Hyde Park Amazons, the two had barely exchanged two words, and those words have been teetering on the edge of civility.

It made perfect sense to Castora. Lady Vivianne, daughter of an Earl, was engaged to Lord Capulet, a Duke who had never gotten along with Lord Montague, Castora’s benefactor. Lord Capulet was also in the unfortunate possession of a reckless nephew who had started a feud with Castora’s oldest friend and the most wretched woman in the whole of England as his ward. He also had a sweet-tempered daughter, who had nothing wrong in Castora’s eyes except to have the misfortune of being engaged to Priam Taravella, whom Castora had strongly disliked and had “accidentally” hit with a pall-mall ball during a game at a garden party.

She imagined it was the same way for Vivianne. Here she was with a known associate of her husband-to-be’s enemy...and someone who caused bodily harm to her future son-in-law.

It was not personal. It was all personal-adjacent. It was awkward. In fact, if not for her unfortunate connection to Lord Capulet, Castora would have felt rather confident in publicly asserting that she rather liked Lady Vivianne. The older woman was poised, gracious, charming, biting, and powerful. No visible rough edges.

She was everything Castora would like to be.

“I cannot imagine why Silviana thinks it’s wise to pair the two of us together with weapons,” Castora had muttered under her breath. She could have sworn the corners of Lady Vivianne’s lips turned up.

They both drew their arrows and released them. Neither hit their the target. “Oh, I do imagine that’s why,” Castora said dryly, “We probably would never be able to hit each other.” In addition, the more time they spent bickering and failing together, the less they would be rolling their eyes at Silviana’s teaching metaphors.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Miss Aguilar. We are close enough range to one another that anything is possible.”

“Shall we play a game of William Tell to test your theory?”

The two shared a look. Too risky.

Castora took another shot, putting all of her might into her aim. She hit the bottom of the target. “Do you think we will get better one day, Lady Vivianne?” Castora sighed, unable to hide her exasperation.

“We better.”

-- A few more Thursdays came and went. Castora and Vivianne displayed marginal improvement, and she was beginning to appreciate the other woman’s company. The more time she spent with Vivianne, the less she had to look at the other show-off members of the group.

They understood the virtue of leaving one another to the soul-crushing frustration of slow progress with minimal interruptions. Castora thought it would be nice to have such a companion; she loved Ramona and Valentina, but there was only so much she could take of being number three; Pandora was her dearest friend, but she was married. There was power in a bond that existed only in their silence.

Prior to their meeting at the archery club, Castora had little idea of who Lady Vivianne was, outside of her association with the Capulet family. She did not know if the universe threw some crumbs of gossip her way because of this or if she simply paid attention to it now, but over the course of the past month or so, Castora had come to learn that Lady Vivianne herself knew something of scandal; perhaps that was why they shared a quiet understanding.

First of all, she was a spinster who managed to nab a duke. Second, there was something about her coming out postponed for a year in favor of a nine-month stay in seclusion at the Sloane’s country estate, her parents sudden death, and something about them not leaving her as much money as expected. And there had been something about a broken engagement many years ago, but Castora had stopped listening by that point.

Even though there was often some truth to such rumors, Castora would never bring them up to Vivianne’s face, lest she take Castora up on her offer of a game of William Tell.

At the end of practice one day, Silviana gathered all the ladies and passed around a piece of paper, which Castora instantly recognized as an invitation.

The elegant and beauteous assemblace of Ladies Archers established three Summers ago at Hyde Park under the name HYDE PARK AMAZONS courteously invites you to a supper and Ball at the Liston Hall on the 31st of August. To all interested parties, the Amazons will host their annual showcase at a luncheon before the evening’s festivities.

Castora and Vivianne shared a horrified look.

“Is this not exciting, Lady Vivianne?” Silviana crooned. “You and Miss Aguilar’s first showcase.”

Castora cleared her throat. “Excuse me, Mrs. Silviana, but do all Amazons have to perform at this showcase?”

“But of course, my dear.” She brought her voice down to a whisper so that only Castora and Vivianne could hear. “This is quite an opportunity for you, Miss Castora. This sport quite shows off your figure and there will be plenty of eligible young men in attendance. There always are.”

“Nothing really demonstrates how eligible a bride a girl is like demonstrating your expertise with a weapon.”

“Exactly!”

“And how many people received this invitation, Mrs. Silviana?” Vivianne asked cooly. Castora could tell by the arch in her brow that she was not pleased by this situation either.

“Liston Hall is my brother’s estate, so quite a few. Most of the ton is usually in attendance. Usually some family from the neighboring estates come as well. Aubrey Park, Kellnych, Hall, Campden Court, the like. Do not worry Lady Vivianne, I have ensured that Lord Capulet receives an invitation as well.”

“Did you say Campden Court?” Castora asked. Both Silviana and Vivianne’s heads snapped to her.

“Do you know the family?”

“No, not really.”

Silviana soon left Castora and Vivianne to mingle with the other ladies of the club. As soon as the woman’s meddlesome gaze was no longer upon them, Castora turned to Vivianne. “Will you be attending?”

“I quite think Mrs. Silviana will have my head if I do not.”

“I think I might catch a chill that day and be too sick to attend.”

“In August?”

“You are right. Mrs. Silviana may be a fool, but she will never believe that.”

“And mine. I must confess, I do not have any desire to embarrass myself in front of the ton.” Castora had oft said she would never to marry unless it was for love, and she had vowed that she would never love, but she had no desire to publicly humiliate herself.

“Nor I.”

Castora picked up an arrow from a nearby quiver. “That leaves us with one option.”

“It does,” Vivianne nodded in agreement.

“We must ––” Castora started, before Vivianne interrupted, fishing her sentence.

“–– Practice.”

The next day, the pair met in Hyde Park. Vivianne handed Castora a bow and arrow.

“How did you manage to procure these in one day?”

Vivianne smiled, “I have my ways.”

“I do believe I am quite glad to know you, Lady Vivianne Sloane.”

“And I, you, Miss Castora Aguilar.”

#&. asks | answers & memes & drabbles & more oh my #diverona regency au #&. vivianne | a reflection in a fun house mirror #&. vivianne | in another life we would fight side by side #i can't remember which tag i use for them but the second one feels oddly apt for this #lavolumnia

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scentedmoviesaestheticempath · 4 years

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Compiled cbw’s Kuraneo thoughts + theories

Warning : Don’t read if you’re a Kuraneo antis. For fellow Kuraneo fans, just because I write it doesn't mean you have to agree. There are multiple but no wrong ways to interpret the ship and my opinion below strictly follows the canon storyline. We don't need any reason to ship anything but considering their rocky start, it's fun to analyze what happen.

Disclaimer : HxH belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi.

Is it really a senseless ship?

Most complaints regarding Kuraneo is how problematic the ship is and the impossibility for Kuraneo to happen. The main problems are : Neon is a body collector, therefore it is impossible for Kurapika to be with her. Especially when she specifically collects scarlet eyes. Neon is also a shallow childish brat, while Kurapika is portrayed as a mature, cool-headed protagonist. But is it really?

Implications to be Canon

In January 2020 I spared my time to catch up with HxH. It really surprised me after I read the manga carefully, Kurapika was given the title of 'young boss/underboss' in Nostrade family. Whoever has seen the Godfather and read Cosa Nostra Wikipedia page would know that the title is usually given to a son. He could've been given the title 'consigliere'', but he didn't. There has been several changes in translation but he still is the Nostrade family leader(The Japanese version is Waka-Gashira(Young Boss), under Oyabun(Boss), while consigliere is Saiko-Komon). That gave me an assumption : "What if he is a Nostrade now?" I am not surprised since a man marries into a girl's family is kind of traditional norm in Japan (Reference : mukoyōshi (婿養子).

“ A mukoyōshi (婿養子) (literally "adopted son-in-law") is an adult man who is adopted into a Japanese family as a daughter's husband, and who takes the family's surname.

Generally in Japan, a woman takes her husband's name and is adopted into his family. When a family, especially one with a well established business, has no male heir but has an unwed daughter of a suitable age, she will marry the mukoyōshi, a man chosen especially for his ability to run the family business.[1] If there is no daughter, the candidate can take a bride from outside his adopted family (fūfu-yōshi: 夫婦養子). This is done to preserve the business and name of the family when there is no suitable male heir, since traditionally businesses are inherited by the oldest male heir. Mukoyōshi is also practiced if there is no capable male heir to run the family business.[1] This is a centuries-old tradition and is still widely practiced today. Many Japanese companies with household names such as Nintendo, Kikkoman, and Toyota have adopted this practice.[1] This adult adoption may take place in marriages where the woman's family is of a higher socio-economic rank than the man's family, where the woman has no brothers to be the heir to the family name, when the man has been disowned by his own family, or when the man's natural family comes from a notorious or shameful background and he thus prefers to hide his identity. “

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mukoy%C5%8Dshi) (picture source : Kurapika x Neon Facebook page)

Kurapika and Neon are also paired in the Mobage which implies that the creator himself has approved the ship. There is a reason why Meruem and Bisky is not paired together.

Looking at Kurapika as a character

Now let’s look at Kurapika’s character. His character goal is to avenge his clan and collect all his brother and sister’s eyes. He’s shown to have strong prejudice against flesh collector and even decided to work for Nostrade family based on that reason. He went as far as planning to arrest them before meeting Neon. And even after meeting Neon, he convinced himself once again that in order to pursue his goal, he is willing to kill her (”If I have to kill her, so be it”, as rephrased my Melody). Yet he is also shown to be pleased when he is pointed as the head bodyguard, stating that “I didn’t think... It would work out so quickly” .He seems to have completely changed his plan. Because what is better than arresting/killing Neon? That would be having access to Nostrade’s family resources by being Light’s trusted person. And after Neon lost her power, Light Nostrade is shown to be losing his mind, being unable to function normally as a leader. Begging Kurapika to turn “Neon back to normal”. Kurapika does the job instead for Light, saying that “Don’t worry. I’ll handle everything.” At this point, he is the suitable guy to run the family. Considering his Waka-Gashira title, it is safe to assume he got the title by marrying her through son-in-law adoption. Looking at Neon as a character I am a big fan of aspoonofsugar’s character meta posts and the post about Neon’s Nen and Character insight brings a new perspective on how I see Neon.

https://aspoonofsugar.tumblr.com/post/176668230707/nen-and-characters-neon-nostrade Neon prefers not to be involved with people. She is clingy to her material possessions but not to people, as implied in her reaction to Dalzollene's death. While all her bodyguards and haters assume that she’s a heartless unempathetic character. The actual reason is related to her belief. For Neon, the present is the only thing that matter. She shows her empathetic side when Chrollo cried and Eliza broke down hearing Squalla’s death. She cares about the livings and her noble altruistic power reflects her character.

Regarding the son-in-law theory, I would say that she simply does not have a say in this matter when her family is crashing down. We are never shown Neon’s perspective on Kurapika whether she likes him or not. I personally never ever once see a canon scene where Neon is implied to have crush on Kurapika. She had fluttering heart moment for Chrollo instead and I guess that's because Chrollo is one of the people whom has shown genuine emotions in front of her, just like Eliza over Squalla. Her appreciation to genuine feelings and honesty is probably caused by Light’s many lies in order to use her power.

We're told the story from Kurapika's point of view, therefore it's very easy to antagonize Neon like majority of her haters. But given Neon's appreciation to honesty and authenticity, who is at fault here? Kurapika just appears in her life, planning to use her and her family for his ends. He is just another Chrollo and Light Nostrade. (IRONICALLY This is why I ship their very unique relationship. But they do need each other for provision and protection, so props for Kurapika lmao)

So if the son-in-law theory is true, is it possible for them have feelings for each other?

Of course it wasn't long before we got twists here and there. Neon's power disappearance from Chrollo's book, Kurapika referring himself not having the place to go home anymore. He seems to have so much authority to access Nostrade family resources without having a friendly term with them. Assuming they don’t have a normal loving relationship at the first sight makes sense. I don't think anyone marrying into Nostrade family will ever get their emotional needs fulfilled. Nostrade is never the traditional happy family. Neon is emotionally detached and Light only cares about power. They are the opposite of Zoldyck whom are sick in their own way. They only care about themselves and Kurapika is also one. He missed Gon's recovery and does not seem to value his own life. In other words. Doesn’t that mean Kurapika is only using her, then?

No. At this point, it means they need each other and it’s either they do like each other or simply have mutual physical attraction regardless how they feel.

(It is unfair to say Kurapika takes advantage of Nostrade family when Nostrade family themselves need Kurapika, or else, they will not function. Needing each other is not equal to taking advantage of each other, it is the basic of household.

As for the last part, I have seen many cases where even people who constantly says "beauty doesn’t matter” and proving their point by considering their spouses unattractive are STILL ATTRACTED PHYSICALLY to their spouse. Please feel free to disagree)

When we say that we like or love someone, we are experiencing interpersonal attraction—the strength of our liking or loving for another person.

Although it may seem inappropriate or shallow to admit it, and although it is certainly not the only determinant of liking, people are strongly influenced, at least in initial encounters, by the physical attractiveness of their partners (Swami & Furnham, 2008). Elaine Walster and her colleagues (Walster, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman, 1966) arranged a field study in which college boys and girls were randomly paired with one another at a “computer dance.” After the partners had danced and talked for a couple of hours, they were interviewed separately about their own preferences and characteristics as well as about their perceptions of their date. Walster and her colleagues found that the only important determinant of participants’ liking for their date was his or her physical attractiveness. None of the other characteristics—even the perceived intelligence of the partner—mattered.

https://opentextbc.ca/socialpsychology/chapter/initial-attraction/

When feelings are discussed : From my intrepretation, I always think people got it backwards about Kurapika and Neon. Kurapika has an icy facade, but he is the type of person who grow on people, while Neon is not. Even when he distanced himself from the other bodyguards at their first meeting, he is the one who cares the most about his "comrades"/teammates, he punched Uvo for killing his teammates. Neon, on the other hand, doesn't even flinch when she heard that Dalzolenne is dead although he's been the one who took care of her. She even made one of her servant as wall decoration. But there is a possibility she also grows on people AS LONG AS they’re still alive, that’s why she cared about Eliza. The problem is, once they’re dead, they become another story in the irrelevant past. That does not make her a bad person in grey HxH universe, but someone with different values due to her belief and upbringing. Kurapika demonstrates his understanding of her when describing her to Basho. In fact, he is the most understanding person that treats her nicely and does not harm her even though he had the intention to. Kurapika didn't think Neon losing her ability as the family downfall or disability, unlike her own father. As much as assuring everything will be okay when Light broke down in GI Arc. This is a huge revolution in her life because since Kurapika stepped in, someone is finally using her without the need of her ability.

Neon’s loss of ability actually sounds like a parallel to Pairo when people around them refer them as "not normal" for having less functional leg and no ghostwriter ability. They were also both supposed to be under his care/companion when the accident happened. This leaves a huge question mark for me of how Kurapika interprets her at this point. Is he only using her or he feels responsible? or both?

This leaves us some possibilities if their relationship was merely based on physical attraction & mutual benefit or if it is indeed more.

The first possibility means he likes her enough to marry/sleep with her but still barred from prejudice to consider her as his friend. (Even this is debatable, Kurapika simply could be a private person and given that his clan was living in hidden presence, it's only normal if he want to hide Neon's presence too. Also "Traditionally, part of the Mafia code is to keep the wives and mothers out of the loop of confidences for their own safety" is an actual study from The Independent,UK.)

And Neon also likes him enough to marry/sleep with him but not enough to get involved in his life. (Or is she? Sometimes I have to remind myself HxH can't be seen through normal perspective because no hunter is fit for normal family life. So maybe Neon's dismissive attitude makes her the perfect one for him)

The second possibility means they are in loving relationship off-screen. I'd say this is a very high probability because based on personality analysis above, both characters are capable of growing on each other. Another note : Neon's design is strongly based on Princess Luna from Level E, where she is a love interest to Prince Baka. The story take it lightly despite being "king x revolutionary" couple. And while for us, it feels like a long time. For the in-universe characters, black whale is only like a month of work CMIIW.

But either way, I’d say they do harbor some sort of affection in canon. We have a negative perception on arranged marriage, assuming the affection is not valid because it is a form of Stockholm syndrome. I will quote my argument straight from Quora where the responder had successfully arranged more than 40 marriages.

“Not every western theory is a reality. I think those who do not know the basics of arranged marriage speak at will and trying to create a fear syndrome against a successful system...”

“...Those who shun arranged marriages can live as they wish. Law does not prevent them to be at liberty. They have no business to criticize a system which is far better than other ways of creating male female relationships. Stockholm syndrome belongs to Stockholm... They are civilized enough to live in a system where there is nothing to lose. Stockholm syndrome is an illusion.One should not insult a culture without knowing an iota of that system. “ https://www.quora.com/I-feel-that-the-affection-after-an-arranged-marriage-is-basically-a-form-of-Stockholm-syndrome-What-is-your-opinion-on-this

Or maybe, there is nothing between them yet and these implications are just a foreshadow to what’s planned for them

What if she’s dead?

Some people would say Kurapika killed her but that is totally impossible and out of character. Her death is only assumed by the Phantom Troupe because her power dissapear from the book. Nen is extremely flexible concept even in-universe and there are many ways to work around that. Also in contradictive, Kurapika managed to take 9 pairs of eyes from 'the mafia's daughter' without killing anyone. I doubt he would do nothing after Chrollo stole her ability. I assume it would be insulting to Kurapika if people say he let Neon to just die considering he takes his job seriously and inheriting Nostrade name.

And frankly, I don’t care if she’s dead. Kakin war arc & Dark continent arc will also take approximately 20-40 years to finish. Whether she’s dead or not I’m going to enjoy my time with my interpretations based on canon implications given. And if she is indeed proven to be dead, I’ll accept it and just have fun in the fandom. I respect Togashi as the author.

Why don't the Nostrade just adopt Kurapika without the marriage?

I dunno, better ask mafias and Japanese. Because based on this theory, they clearly like to keep it in the family, I'm just reading my references.

cbw’s Final words

This theory is inspired from baby foreshadowing theory in reddit (page: HxH craziest theory), which inspired me to write my fic. Which, inspired me again to write this son-in-law theory.

I am combining implications from “Cosa Nostra”, “Waka-gashira”(The similar organization structure), “Godfather”(How Kurapika gain Light’s trust), “Son-in-law adoption”(Underboss in Sicily organization structure), Neon&Kurapika paired cards in Mobage, and Princess Luna from Level E as spouse from opposing faction(The base for Neon’s character)

Whilst the western sources about obtaining the title in mafia marriage is abundant, the sources regarding obtaining the title in yakuza marriage are Until Death Do Us Part and & GTA:Liberty City

Toshiko Kasen: My husband is samurai, Mr. Toni. He is very strong... but very, very bad. He only married me to become waka-gashira in Liberty City.

https://www.grandtheftwiki.com/index.php?title=A_Date_With_Death&mobileaction=toggle_view_desktop

(Page 161 Until Death Do Us Part)

Honestly after my last note, I gave it another thought and I couldn't possibly see another explanation of why he could be a Nostrade family boss. If anyone asks me, I refuse to ignore the implications Togashi gave and say they're canon 100%.

Given Kuraneo’s complex relationship and their neutral interaction, its brilliance lies in how flexible people can be in interpreting them. I enjoy many different kind of interpretations. My favorite thing about Kuraneo is although we never get any implication that Neon ever noticed Kurapika, many fics describe it as the other way round because from Neon’s POV it would be liking someone that embody her fetish. I especially love this headcanon, love it when people portray Neon as deviant.That escalate from 0 to 100 real quick. Being a part of Nostrade also means Kurapika gets to accept his past as something that shapes him to be the man he is today. But honestly, I just love hateships and their big chances of hating while loving each other.

I would say that whatever off-screen and how readers interpret their relationsip and feelings is up for us to decide until HxH truly reach the ending. And that’s only if Togashi is willing to disclose their relationship. I would be happy if they become canon, but if not then I’ll still ship them just like how I will still ship Pitou x Kai and Chrollo x Kurapika. Naoko Takeuchi, Togashi’s wife said once in her interview that she likes seeing different interpretations of Sailor Moon from her fans. I’m a Sailor Moon fan too and I wish to respect her view by applying the same to her husband’s works.

Thanks for reading!

#kuraneo

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mystic-kitten-writer · 5 years

Text

Limerence [M] ︳31

Pairing: Zuko x OC

AU: Adult-Verse

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 9200+

Notes: Greetings! I’m going to be posting a bonus chapter soon! It’s the bonus chapter I promised a bit ago; it’s didn’t fit well with the plot until now. That saying, I have another bonus chapter in the works. I reached 1k votes on Wattpad, which is crazy, and I wanted to create a bonus chapter.

Other than that, thank you for reading and leaving lovely comments. I appreciate the heart-warming support from you all. Take care~!

Masterlist ︳30 [M] ︳ Bonus pt. 2 [M]

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person. The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

“He was her warmth / she was his peace”

(English/quo.) By Even Sanders; ‘The Better Man Project.’

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

Anger? No…maybe frustration?

A small huff flew through my lips, eyes scanning Zuko. He sat on the other side of Appa’s saddle with Aang and Sokka, discussing something. And while I knew the responsible thing would be to listen to what Toph and Suki had to say – I couldn’t.

Curiosity had me in its grip, studying Zuko with such care, I wish I paid this much attention to my everyday life.

It was just that…Zuko was such a puzzle, and it was maddening.

I was observant. Naturally learning the way people spoke, move – and in a matter of seconds, I could figure someone out. But with Zuko – I couldn’t. He was secretive, and that just made my sense of inquisitiveness grow. What’s going through Zuko’s head? What was he feeling?

Just briefly skimming Sokka, I could tell he was focused on whatever they were conversing. The way he crossed his arms, leaning forward with his head titled down – those were all tale-tell signs that he was attentive to the conversation. I even had Aang figured out! When his hands rested on his lap, it meant he was calm, but since his fingers were tightly linked, it meant he was concerned. It was little gestures like those that made me understand everyone’s mood – except Zuko.

His lips were pressed tight, which in theory would mean he was upset, but the way he sat, leaning back with his legs propped…Lounging meant he was at ease but…why are his arms crossed?

“Is Princess still staring at Zuko?”

“You guessed it – come on! You live with the guy, what more do you want?” Suki groused, her hand shoving me jokily. My gaze broke from Zuko, a faint blush covering my cheeks as I bashfully smiled.

“S-sorry. I must have zoned out.” Suki rolled her eyes, giving me a look that proved she knew I was lying, before speaking, “Mhmm…well, what were we talking about again?”

“How Princess figured out Mai was the snitch.”

My mouth opened and closed, uneasy, since, at the mere mention of Mai, the boys rapidly shifted their focus on me. “Toph has a point, we never did ask...” Sokka budded. My arms cradled my body, trying desperately to blend in with Appa’s saddle…or his fur… How about I throw myself over? How far of a drop could it possibly be?

“It’s a long story…” I started.

Toph snorted, “We got time. Spill.”

“We can talk about it when we get to the kingdom, we have much to discuss once we arrive – I prefer we don’t waste our breath.” Zuko asserted, an attempt to bring the whole topic to an end. I let out a breath, our eyes aligning momentarily. He gave me a knowing nod, obliviously sensing my uneasiness and a wave of appreciation engulfed me. He’s too good for me. With that statement, Zuko shifted his gaze towards the horizon.

The mountains and overall landscape looked insignificant being this high, and in some ways – it was humbling. Gosh. I missed riding Appa through the snowy peaks time ago…it was such a stress reliever.

The lack of clouds provided us with a magnificent view of the Fire Nation. The endless mounds of vegetation, small towns scattered about – some greater than others. To think that Zuko ruled over all of this…my heart started pounding just thinking about it. I could barely take care of myself, let alone a damn Nation.

“Fine, but we do have to talk about what we’re going to do with Mai when we land. Are you going to arrest her? Talk to her?” Toph insisted, not letting the topic die off. Suki huffed, pulling on the strings that lined the leather on her gloves, “Toph has a point. She may be a friend, but she’s a threat…”

“Mai is still a friend. We speak as if arresting our friend comes without pains.” Aang protested - the first I’ve heard him speak in a while. His voice was taut, fingers digging into his mustard robes, wrinkling the material. Sokka let a hand drop over Aang’s shoulder, lips pressed.

“But if Mai’s the snitch than she’s as guilty as Azula. Mai could be charged with attempted murder, treason, and the list goes on, Aang.” Sokka insisted and hearing that made my stomach uneasy. Attempted murder-

The headache that I woke up with this morning seemed to be coming back, my hand trailing up my face as I grasped my head. It was pounding, and it didn’t seem to go away completely. Just a constant, dull, stabbing pain – please don’t tell me I’m getting sick…probably just stress.

“We can decide once we land. We don’t know if Mai is aware that we know she’s the snitch. And if that is the case, it would be to our benefit to let her wander free, track her movements. Spying on the spy.” Zuko muttered and hearing his voice once again had my closed eyes fluttering open. The way his voice trailed off towards the end, I could start piecing together the emotions and thoughts running through his head.

“I agree with Zuko; it’s the safest plan. Babe, have you told Ty Lee about what’s going on with Mai?” Sokka asked, and Suki let out another tired sigh. She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head meekly before meeting his gaze, “No. I need to tell her in person; I know it’ll hurt her, hearing all of this. I can’t let anything distract her, she’s my second, and I need her to be at her sharpest until I come back.”

“So we let Mai be for the time being, and how about Azula? What do we do about her.” Toph grumbled, and this time, no one spoke.

Everyone’s eyes shifted, looking at their hands or feet, anywhere, besides Zuko.

That’s it, how did I not realize before? Something so painfully obvious – why Aang and Sokka didn’t attack Azula that night. Realistically, Aang could’ve handled Azula with ease, but all he did was reflect her attacks, getting himself burnt in the process…it was something that bothered me, but ignored. But now that she mentioned it…

Toph let out a grunt, her feet tapping impatiently against Appa’s saddle, and I held my breath. “Well? What’s your grand plan involving Azula – almighty Fire Lord.” Toph pestered with her arms tightly crossed over her chest. I could see the way Zuko tightened his jaw, his hands clenching.

“We can think about it later Toph…” I babbled without much thought, anything to get Zuko out of the corner she put him in.

Sadness – that was what was running through his mind. It was difficult for me to pinpoint that look because it wasn’t a look Zuko wore often. He was usually exasperated, livid, even irritated, but sorrow; that was new.

To my dismay, Toph didn’t seem all too pleased with my answer, shaking her head. “I get that she may be your future sister-in-law, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a damn criminal.” I swallowed hard because Toph was right.

Aang and I were looking at Azula and Mai with our hearts – not viewing the situation for what it was. Toph wasn't unreasonable – she was logical.

“What do you propose, Toph?” Zuko shot back, his tone thick.

Toph’s lips curved downwards, tilting her head as if to hear better. The moment I saw her thin lips beginning to move, I could feel my heart thrashing, the relentless hammering in my head emphasizing my anxiety. Toph and Zuko were similar in many ways – and their assertiveness was undeniably one of their commonalities.

It was Aang’s airy voice that cut the growing tension for a moment, and I could allow myself to breathe. “We could capture her, get her the help she needs…help her as much as we can.” A chance to get his sister back. I knew Zuko loved Kiyi with all his heart; he viewed her as a daughter at this point, but I could still feel Zuko’s hesitation revolving Azula.

As much as he was hated Azula, wanted her out of the picture – I saw the faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. He cared, whether or not he wanted to admit it. Zuko wasn’t heartless, and while he had everyone else fooled – I wasn’t.

Everyone faced Zuko, waiting for his approval, but he didn’t utter a word. His long digits tapped along his thighs, golden eyes staring longingly into the distance. Silence and Zuko were two words that never went together in one sentence. Toph didn’t wait any longer to hear a response, speaking with clipped speech.

“Mark my words Zuko; I’ll try to capture her, for you, but we both know what should be done. And if given a chance, I’ll do it without hesitation.”

Zuko let out a bitter laugh, before glancing back at Toph, “As Fire Lord, you have my permission – kill her. It’s for the best, for not only my Nation but for the other Nations as well. But as her brother…” He flicked his fingers before letting his hands comb through his hair, “As her brother…I want the best. I want her safe. I want her home.”

No one spoke a word.

Everyone’s eyes shifted back down to the brown saddle we sat upon, letting the words Zuko muttered become one with the brisk air. He leaned back; arms crossed as he stared at the skyline once again. My body moved without thinking – the overwhelming urge to comfort Zuko eating me from the inside out. How I hated seeing him like this – I need to see that perfect smile of his.

Crawling on my hands and knees, it didn’t take long for me to be by Zuko’s side, feeling everyone’s eyes over me.

“Zuko…” I muttered under my breath, jerking Zuko from his thoughts. I was a hair away from him, but he was consumed with his feelings, he didn’t even notice. He was visibly on edge, looking at me with muddled thoughts, “What’s wrong, love?”

I let my body drop, head falling over his lap as I curved into a tiny ball. My hands reached for his, forcing them to fall over my head, “What are-”

“My head, it hurts…can you hold me?”

It was like night and day.

Zuko’s body relaxed, his hands combing through my hair. His shaky hands soon steadied, his warm breath even and no longer deep exhales of frustration. My hands hugged his legs, letting my head snuggle into his waist. The throbbing that resided along my forehead slowly began to ease with his warm touches, a small moan of relief escapes me.

Amidst my need to squeeze myself closer to Zuko, our eyes lined up for a short moment. A lovely look of freedom washed over his face. His lips moved ever so slowly, not a sound escaping him. With or without sound, I could still make out the heartwarming message he whispered to me, ‘Thank you.’

Just as fast as he mouthed the words, a faint smile on his face, he leaned back against the saddle, his fingers combing through my hair. A soft smile painted my face, unable to control the pleasing hum that radiated from my chest. My head hurt – yes, and while getting Zuko to caress my head was amazing, that wasn’t the reason I crawled over here.

Zuko needed comfort, whether or not he wanted to admit it.

Getting Zuko to snuggle me wasn’t for my own selfish needs; it was because I knew better than anyone that what Zuko needed at the moment was a good hug. I may not have Zuko as figured out as I wish, but I did know him. The man I loved was a damn sucker for cuddles, had a weird fascination with my hair, but more importantly – he needed constant reassurance and attention. Things I could, and would, gladly do in a heartbeat.

My eyes fluttered shut, melting under his touches, like a kitten. I knew it was only a matter of time we arrived at the Kingdom, I could vaguely recall seeing the crimson rooftops, but I couldn’t help but let my breathing even out.

Home.

We were almost there, and I found myself beaming at the thought of seeing Kiyi again. Oh, I can already hear her squeals of excitement! Ursa more than likely annoying Zuko with the idea of marriage, while Noren tried to save Zuko from his mother's dreams.

Then Iroh…what would he not say? Probably asking us if we managed to bring any teas for his tea shop…that’s right, he should be leaving back to the Earth Nation in another week or so. I’m going to miss Iroh-

“Hold tight; we’re landing.” Aang chirped, causing me to grumble under my breath. Just when my headache was starting to ease. Zuko’s grip shifted to my arms, staring down at me with concern, “You’re pale, love.”

“I don’t feel good…” I muttered, letting Zuko help me sit up. The moment my back straightened, I could feel a wave of nausea wash over me for a second, shuddering under my breath. I'm totally getting sick.

“Sokka, when did you say Katara is coming?” Suki asked, concern laced in her voice. A hand rested on my thigh; Suki’s to be exact, the leather giving it away. She was crouched down, and even with her makeup, I could see the look of worry on her face.

“Next week, maybe?”

“Aang, could we send Appa to fetch Katara? Yue doesn’t look too hot...”

“I’m fine, just a little bit under the weather.” I dismissed, trying hard to force a lively smile. Zuko kissed his teeth, the grip he had on my back tight, “As soon as we land, you’re going to bed. You’re sick. You probably caught something during that beach walk.” Zuko complained under his breath, and I coloured.

He had a point.

I may…or may not…had convinced Zuko to go on a walk along the beach far past midnight. I couldn’t help it! What a shame would it be to say we went to the beach and hadn’t gotten to see or spend time at the beach? It’s like going to a bakery and walking out with a piece of deli – it just doesn’t make sense.

The chilly air of that night and wet feet, because I was insistent on getting my toes into the water, most likely didn’t help in the matter. “I’ll be fine; I just need a nap-”

“You need a nurse, love. And so be it, I’ll tie you to the bed if it means you’re getting some rest and I SWEAR SOKKA. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!” Zuko snapped, glaring harshly at the only person who could tick off Zuko and somehow not feel his wrath.

Sokka laughed, waving his hands innocently, “I didn’t say or do anything! Trust me, buddy, the last thing I want is to imagine the nasty things you do to my little sister.”

“You need to tell us about those fresh hickies you failed to cover up on your neck, Princess. It seems like someone got some action.” Suki giggled, and in a flash, chaos.

Sokka choked on air, and Zuko shot a dirty look at Suki.

“Holy shit – you’re telling me those screams I heard that morning wasn’t a dream!” Sokka shrieked, and before anything else could be spoken, Aang pulled on Appa’s reins, causing us to nosedive to an open space in the Kingdom.

All we could hear was the vague screams of Sokka cursing in languages yet to be discovered, while Toph and Suki laughed hysterically to themselves. Aang shot us a cheeky grin with a thumbs up, my hands gripping onto Zuko’s shirt for dear life. As much as I loved riding Appa, the feeling of weightlessness as we landed or took off had me shutting my eyes tightly. Between Sokka’s screaming and this icky feeling – my headache was in no way going away anytime soon.

Only when I heard Appa groan loudly, signalling that we had landed did my eyes open. Appa’s feet stomped on the stone walkway, dust flying off into different directions. The guards that stood, waiting for us, had to hold their helmets in place.

“Shit Zuko – when we sort all of this fuckery out I’m giving you and Yue a damn talk!” Sokka snarled towards us, and Zuko grinned, “I don’t think we need a talk – I think I do a pretty good job at making Yue feel good, right, love?”

Sokka and my cheeks were a flaming red – both for different reasons.

Toph choked in a laugh, and before Sokka could explode, the sounds of the guards approaching, and people calling our names, had Zuko and I shifting personas.

Zuko cleared his throat, standing tall as he helped me stand. “Fire Lord Zuko, Imperial Consort Ying Yue, a beautiful vacation we assume?” a guard spoke, hand outstretched towards me. With his guidance, I found myself getting off Appa’s back, and I smiled. “It was splendid; I would love to go back sometime soon.”

The guard smiled at my words, genuinely happy to hear that I had a great time, despite all the chaos that happened. Zuko jumped off Appa, the rest following suit.

I turned on my heel, gazing about at the small crowd around us. We landed directly at the kingdom, meaning we avoided the unnecessary crowds we would have bumped into at the pier. But despite it all, I found my gaze wandering about, watching as everyone politely bowed, addressing me formally.

What a change…

I was used to the informality from the maids and workers at the house, and being back here reminded me of my position. The tall walls, the perfectly tended foliage around us – it felt weird being here, although another part of me was happy. The urge to jump into bed with Zuko, cuddling and falling asleep…

“Excuse me – move aside, you’re in our way.” A voice grumbled through the guards. My brows pinched together hearing the persons’ tone, low and unquestionably rude. I looked over my shoulder, Zuko was busy conversing with soldiers with the others, not noting or in earshot of what I was hearing.

The guards that surrounded us, one by one, moved aside, and the more I observed, the more I learned. Four figures weaved themselves in and out of the disorder around us, pushing the guards without care or respect. How rude of them. Who do they think they are? I found myself stepping forward, eager to see the faces of such inconsiderate people, only to notice the clothing they wore.

Each person wore striking red garments; robes that skimmed the floor and littered with decorations and embellishments. While they were not as extravagant or lavish as the clothing Zuko and I wore on a daily – they were, undeniably, people of high status.

My eyes studied the man leading the bunch, an older gentleman, followed by two others and a woman. The moment their eyes fell upon me, they stilled in their tracks, staring as if I was the living embodiment of garbage itself. As I opened my mouth, ready to introduce myself, I froze, spotting the sparkling emblems that decorated their arms.

“Greetings council – pleasure seeing you here,” I spoke, forcing a smile onto my face as I politely bowed.

“There are twelve councilmen – and out of those twelve, four voted against you. The rest approved, the majority won.” Zuko whispered into my ear. I flipped onto my side, facing him as I listened to the words he muttered into my ear.

Despite the darkness that flooded the room, I could still make out the faint frown on his face. His hand caressed my face, letting his fingers draw my features, “Why did they vote against me? Those four people…” I muttered under my breath.

Unexpectedly, Zuko pinched my nose, a playful smile dancing upon his lips, “Because they don’t realize how utterly adorable my baby is.” Zuko cooed. My heart swelled hearing those words, smushing my face against his chest with glowing cheeks.

It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together – these four people were unarguably the people who voted against me. The scowls that painted their faces, lips pressed tight, hands balled into fists. It was like four Mai’s – just older and, somehow, grumpier.

“Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” The man, in front, sneered while bowing.

My eyes narrowed. While they did bow, it was by no means a respectable one. I wasn’t fussy on customs, but when someone so obliviously detested me, it was adding salt to a wound. “What may I do for you?” I asked, forcing my voice to sound as sweet as possible. The headache that I tried to ignore wasn’t helping; I think they’re making my head worse.

“Nothing at all – we are here to see Fire Lord Zuko, we have a meeting scheduled.”

I frowned; meeting?

“Fire Lord Zuko never spoke of a meeting for today-” I started, but the man interrupted me, heckling under his breath, “It was unplanned, and hopefully after today, you will no longer have to worry about such matters.”

“What?” I gasped, noticing the hostility in his tone.

“What is going on?” A voice spoke from behind me, the deepness causing me to jump slightly. A heated hand rested on my lower back, feeling Zuko’s touch, as he studied me and the others. The way the four councilmembers bowed lowly at the mere presence of Zuko had me biting my lip. Assholes. It was clear they were trying to disrespect me, and Zuko seemed to notice because he didn’t return the formality.

“We have a meeting planned, Fire Lord Zuko.”

“I didn’t approve of any meeting today.”

“It was a meeting proposed by us, the council.”

“Everyone, or just the four of you?” Zuko interrogated.

I could feel his fingers digging into my back, exasperation lingering with every word Zuko spoke. At this point, the rest of the gang awkwardly stood, off to the side. Suki pointed at the elders, looking at me with a look that screamed ‘what’s going on?’ I shrugged swiftly, looking at Zuko and the elders once again.

The knots in my stomach grew in size; something wasn’t right. The way they addressed me and how they were speaking to Zuko…

“Yes, the four of us. It has been brought to our attention that not everyone is pleased with the idea of the future Fire Nation Queen being a Waterbender.” The man spoke bitterly, and at that moment, I could feel my stomach in my throat. They couldn’t be-

The grip on my back loosened, Zuko moving in front of me with a vengeance.

Zuko’s shoulders squared, his back straight as he looked down at the four individuals in front of us. “Who I decide to be my consort is not up for discussion. Ying Yue Jiang is my partner and the future Fire Nation Queen. Meeting over.” Zuko snarled, stepping dangerously close to the councilmembers.

The silence that flooded the area at which we stood was painful.

Not even the sound of Appa’s heavy breathing could be heard. Aang and Sokka were glaring, cautiously stepping forward as the guards around us watched the scene unfold. The guard's posture changed from a defensive position to an offensive, their hands deliberately hovering in front of them, ready to protect Zuko.

“We are politely asking for you to reconsider your decision-” The man stubbornly pushed, and the vein in Zuko’s neck bulged. This is bad, really bad.

“My stance is firm.”

“Well, if you follow us, we have brought suitable candidates. Individuals who come from royalty with strong bloodlines of Firebenders, and…” The man snorted, chinning to my direction with a glare, “far more pleasing to the eye.”

“You what?” I hissed.

Red.

All I saw was red.

My shoulder brushed passed Zuko, rage pumping in my veins, the headache festering in my mind growing in intensity the more I thought. “You brought other women, to our home?”

The man’s eyes widen, stepping back as I inched forward.

The looks in their eyes proved that they were not expecting my outburst – eyes feverishly flickering between Zuko and I. To think, that with a flick of my wrist I could- I swallowed hard, pushing the dangerous thought away before I finished it.

“Are you not aware of my position, who I am to you?”

While the other individuals wisely stepped back, the evident leader of the bunch didn’t. He puffed out his chest, matching his step towards mine, and in a second, I felt Zuko’s hands falling over my arms, “Yue – leave it to me-” He whispered, and I frowned.

“No. It seems like people are abusing my niceness.” I spoke stridently. The man scoffed, crossing his arms, “There isn’t a single thing about you worth abusing. You have no name, title; you’re nothing.”

“Is that so? How humiliating it’ll be for you to get dismissed by a person who is supposedly nothing.” I taunted, hands on my hips as I stepped forward.

“You don’t have the power of such-”

“But I do. You see, while I do enjoy spending time with my future husbands family, and getting to know the people who serve this kingdom; I also spend my time learning about Fire Nation politics.” I started.

While this imprudent man may be taller than me in stature, he was the one cowering away in an instance. My finger jammed those silky red robes that covered his chest, my nail digging into his clothes.

“Should Fire Lord Zuko fall ill, power temporarily falls onto my hands. And I can say with utmost certainty, the very first thing I’ll do is dispose of your mere existence.” I hissed, leaning carefully to his face, making sure he heard every word that I uttered.

The colour from the man’s face left, standing there with his mouth open, wide enough to catch flies. “Are you threatening me?” The man whispered, and I snickered, “It’s not a threat. Consider it an early notice of termination.”

I could feel Zuko’s hands fall over my shoulders gently, his fingers massaging. Goosebumps rose on my skin, no expecting such a romantic gesture, but he didn’t stop. His chest pushed against my back, his lips brushing my ear before letting out a dangerous purr.

“Now that we have arrived, love, I do feel unwell. Maybe it would be best for me to rest – would you be a sweetheart and take over, Imperial Consort Ying Yue?”

“My pleasure, Fire Lord Zuko.” I tutted, “And - you’re dismissed.”

If it weren’t for the guards, the man would’ve most definitely put up a fight. They held his upper arms, pulling him away from us, and in the process, stripping him of the glistening badge that was mockingly strapped to his arm. “I’ll get rid of you - you, bitch. And I swear, you’ll regret this.” He shouted, fingers pointing at my direction.

I could hear Zuko growl under his breath, ready to unleash his wrath, but I spun on my heel, letting my hands rest on his chest. “It’s not worth it Zuko…” I mumbled, and in a flash, Zuko’s focus shifted to me.

For the first time since the whole ordeal, I breathed.

My hands were shaking, body trembling with rage.

I can’t believe it. They actually sought out other women for Zuko. Am I that bad? Am I that-

“Love - you alright?” Zuko whispered, his hands brushing up my neck and cupping my face. Am I alright…? I nodded meekly, shooting Zuko a weak smile, “Y-yeah. I’m tired…I-I think I should go to bed.” I mumbled, biting my lower lip.

His gaze softened, a frown painting his face, “No, you aren’t. I’m sorry, if I knew they were going to do this I would’ve intervened-”

“D-don’t worry about it Zuko; it’s not your fault. My head is hurting, and you’re right. I need to rest…” I spoke with a muted voice, and Zuko’s grip on my face tightened, “I’ll go with you, make sure you’re tucked in-”

“Zuko.” I huffed, cutting him off. He tensed at my tone, and I didn’t blame him one bit, as I surprised myself. I sound weak - tired. “I’m fine Zuko, you and the gang have so many things to do. I’m not in shape to help out, no matter how much I want to. We know that…”

Zuko’s forehead pressed into mine, his eyes closing as he breathes out.

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. But…” I trailed off, earning a curious look from Zuko.

I let out a small laugh under my breath, smiling light-heartedly, “Please kick those women out. It’s going to be impossible for me to sleep, knowing there is a herd of women trying to steal you from me.”

“Don’t be; you know you’re the only one.” Zuko cooed, and I shined against his soft touches. “I know…but for their safety; I advise you move them.” And at those words, Zuko grinned, “Is someone jealous, love?”

“I don’t get jealous; I’m territorial.” I teased, reciting the famous line Zuko muttered to me that one time. And the mischievous statement didn’t go unnoticed. He roughly pulled me forward, planting a chaste kiss on my nose as Zuko chuckled.

“Fuck, I love you.”

“I love you too Zuko, now go. I’ll be fine.” I hummed, pulling away from his sweet embrace. His touches weakened, letting me walk out of his grasp before I turned on my heel. The gang watched on the sidelines, unsure of what to say at this point, so I spoke first, “I’m going to rest, I’m ill, and it’ll probably be for the best…”

Sokka glowered, walking forward as he grasped my arms, “You sure Princess? That man said some pretty rude things…”

“I’ve dealt with worse, Sokka, the world is a cruel place after all.”

“And that’s why you always wear the sweetest smile – because you know,” Sokka muttered under his breath. A statement that would have gone unnoticed if I wasn’t paying as much attention as I was. “Feel better Princess. Love you.” Sokka sighed, pecking my forehead quick before stepping back.

I bid a quick goodnight to the others while walking towards a pair of guards – two individuals who I knew all too well.

“I didn’t think you two would be here.” I laughed, staring at the two young gentlemen. Even with their helmets on, I could see the way their pink lips curved upwards. They had beautiful smiles, their pearly white teeth beaming back at me. “It’s weird seeing you anywhere besides my bedroom doors,” I mentioned, earning light laughs from them.

“It’s nice to have you back, Imperial Consort, we missed you.” They spoke, and I blushed at their encouraging words. I love the staff.

We walked side by side, them pulling open the doors to the Kingdom. The hues of red, the rich scent of firewood and spice, all things I’ve learned to call home – despite the rough welcoming. People who spotted me waved gleefully, bowing before dashing off to whatever task they had.

While I smiled back, waving happily, my mind was elsewhere.

I would never question Zuko’s love for me – it was evident. The way he gazed at me or the sweet love confessions he whispered late at night…he loved me. But- My fingers twirled around each other the further we walked, bottom lip trembling.

I questioned my self worth at times...

All the insecurities I’ve long thought I had in check were suddenly hitting me full force. It was frustrating, continually feeling like I’m not good enough. But maybe I’m not? He said that many people had issues with me and if that’s true…

“Imperial Consort?”

My eyes widen, sniffling and wiping my cherry red nose. I’m crying.

“S-sorry, my head hurts, please, don’t worry about me.” I forced, smiling through my tears as convincingly as I could. But the two men looked at me, stopping their movements. I stilled, viewing them with confusion, “What’s wrong? I said I’m fine. I’m just tired-”

“He’s wrong…” The guards mumbled under their breath, and I puckered. “He said that people had an issue with you being Fire Lord Zuko’s consort, but that isn’t true…” I let out a sigh, waving away their words, “Don’t worry about that, really. It doesn’t bother me at all.”

“But it bothers us.” My voice fell silent, surprised to hear them talking as much as they did. No matter how many times I tried to speak to them, they were often quick and short discussion, as if they were afraid to talk. But now…they were speaking freely.

“You know, you’re the first royal ever to greet us? Acknowledge our existence? You know maids and guards by their names, their family stories, and what they enjoy. You make us feel human.” I was speechless. Made them feel human? Was it strange for me to greet the staff? It was common etiquette. To think that people disregarded them.

“You may not score high with the royals, but you do with the people. And Fire Lord Zuko knows that is far more important than a silly hierarchy system.” A quiet pause fell between us, letting their words sink in.

The world was cruel to me.

I lost everything and had people walk all over me. Sokka was right; I smiled as brightly as I did because I knew first-hand how wicked people could be. And if a single smile could brighten someone’s day, I’ll smile all day.

“…you really think that?” I whispered, and they grinned.

“The day we call you Queen will be the greatest honour bestowed upon us.”

~ Fire Lord Zuko ~

Deep breaths Zuko.

One more woman. That’s it. You can do this.

Just politely tell her to leave and-

Her snake-like hands slithered its way up my arm, nails scratching my skin, the abrupt gesture catching me off guard. My skin rose, a chill running up my spine at the vile touch. It felt like poison, skin burning at the unwanted contact. There wasn’t a single ounce of decency in this woman’s behaviour, forcing my arm between her chest, trying desperately to show off her cleavage.

“Are you sure you don’t want to spend some time with me?” The lady droned, batting her eyelashes obnoxiously while licking her lips. “I bet I can change your mind if you give me a few minutes. I know how to please a man.” She whirred, trying, but failing miserably, to sound seductive.

“Oh, do you? That’s great; you can start by getting the fuck out of my office.” I snarled, ripping my arm out of her grasp. Her face reddened at my response, stomping forward with her hands on her hips. “Do you know who I am?” She screeched, whipping her hair behind her ear for extra emphasis on her current discontentment.

“Yes, you’re a spoiled royal who is leaving!” I shouted, temper flaring as I gripped her shoulders, shoving her towards the door. Just a few more steps-

“How dare you! You should be honoured. I’m a gift!”

A manic laugh escaped my lips, rolling my eyes at her response, “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.” My hand hastily ripped the door open. She turned on her heel, mouth wide, ready to hurl another insult. But before she could, I slammed the office door shut; her dreadful voice muffled by the heavy door.

I let my body crash.

Fuck.

Me.

My eyes shut closed, running my hands exasperatingly through my tangled locks. Never, in my whole life, have I ever so desperately wanted to take a bath, and scrub my body to the bone. I could still feel her lingering touch on my skin, and I shivered - I could vomit.

I shoved myself off the door with much effort, the muscles that I so proudly worked on seemed useless at the moment. There was a reason why the gang left me, “Don’t worry Zuko, we’ll figure things out while you deal with the mess here. We got you.”

‘Got me’ my ass.

They didn’t want the pleasure of kicking out desperate women who would jump at the chance of being the future Fire Nation Queen. I knew I should’ve let the guards handle it, but I didn’t. I had to go and try to be a nobleman, be gentle and sensitive, and break the news to them that I am in no need of a ‘new consort.’ Since when do I care and acknowledge such feelings?

I swore, I already knew the answer.

Damnit Yue, before you, I didn’t care a single bit about emotions, and suddenly I’m a damn expert about them. Without thinking twice, I strolled to the corner of my study, seeing the various bottles that lined the glass shelf.

Whisky, where is it?

My fingertips grazed the array of selection; blended, bourbon, rye…

My eyes lit up, scotch.

I snatched the bottle, letting the dark liquid pour into a glass, the strong scent of alcohol flooding my nostrils. The bitter liquid touched my lips, and a groan escaped me – smooth. A faint burn carried down my throat, as I drank, and for the first time today, I felt like I could breathe.

The sun was setting, casting strange shadows along the walls. The room looked like a tropical haze under the setting sun, more than half the day gone in a flash – and the only productive thing that happened was me kicking out a bunch of women from my office. I stole another sip from my cup, walking towards my study.

Stacks of paperwork piled on the wooden desk, and I let out another grunt.

My body dropped onto my cushioned scarlet chair, finding an odd sense of comfort sitting behind this desk, with my pens and inks ready for use. And the moment the feeling of coziness hit me, I chuckled under my breath. Yue is right – I’m a workaholic.

I slid my glass off to the far corner, after stealing one last sip, letting my tired eyes scan the documents that flooded my desk — approval of new policies, revision of Fire Nation citizenship requirements, taxes, civil dispute cases.

“Paperwork. How I missed you.” I grumbled, before re-organizing the documents.

I knew I had to finish some of this work tonight, but the urge to leave to check up on Yue was eating me alive. She looked sick; I could tell just by her eyes. The way she struggled to stay focused, skin pale and cold to touch. But more importantly – she looked hurt.

The fucking rage I’m going to unleash on the council tomorrow. My fingers wrinkled the flimsy document in my hand, annoyance getting the best of me — complete idiots. The papers slipped through my hands, forming another mountain to be tackled tomorrow.

Tossing paper after paper into pointless piles, I couldn’t help but look for that one specific document. I asked Iroh to deliver it…did he forget? I huffed, not seeing the report at all. Maybe I do not see it; it has to be-

“Fire Lord Zuko?” A soft voice spoke, catching my attention.

My head snapped upwards, noticing a maid politely bowing, peeping out of the study door. “Yes?”

The maid glanced over her shoulder before facing me once again. “There are some people who wish to speak to you…” She whispered, and I frowned, “Who?”

“I think it’ll be better if you see them for yourself, Fire Lord Zuko.” I nodded tentatively, standing straight and fixing my appearance. The door shut briefly before creaking open once again. What in the world-

Six figures dashed inside, wearing red gowns, the badges they wore on their arms, reflecting whatever sun was left. My eyes narrowed, they have some fucking nerve-

“And what reason do you have to be in my office, council?” I hissed.

My arms crossed over my chest, staring at the six individuals who humbly bowed in front of me. Their hands laid over their upper body as they greeted, voices merciful. “We mean no disrespect with our presence-” An elderly woman spoke, standing at the front of the small crowd that had gathered in the study.

“You sure? Since it appears, the basic concept of respect is not found within the council anymore. Insulting the Imperial Consort, making us appear as fools.” I shouted. They slowly rose from their deep bows, grimaces painting their faces as they listened to the lecture that was about to rain down upon them.

“Fire Lord Zuko – we had no part in that-” She attempted to reason, and I scoffed. “No part? Then what brings you all here? I’m in no mood to deal with you all - not after that superb performance.”

“This.”

The elder reached into her robe, a brown file in her grasp.

“Where did you get this?” I snarled, eyes furiously scanning the paper. Her arm outstretched towards me, letting the document fall into my hands. Iroh was supposed to drop this off to me-

‘Lifting of traitor status – General Axe.’

“She’s just like him, you know…sympathetic…generous…” She spoke, voice trailing off. They knew – they knew who Yue was all this time. Mihir was right about people recognizing Yue; I should’ve taken his warning seriously.

“Fire Lord Zuko, you need six signatures from the council to lift a traitor status, which you’ll find inside that folder. Eight, signatures, in fact.”

I couldn’t form words, opening the file hastily.

She’s telling the truth.

Eight unique signatures, written with fresh black ink, dated.

It was done, Axe’s traitor status was lifted. A process that should have taken weeks to complete was done in a single day. Should Yue’s father be alive, if we find him, I could protect him. I could bring her father back, with no consequences.

“Why?” I whispered, shutting the document in a single motion, staring at the six individuals who stood in front of me. I had eight signatures, two people are missing- “I knew Axe, personally, just like the destruction your father unleashed.” She started, everyone sighing heavily, remembering the war.

Fire Lord Ozai – a monster. He viewed his soldiers as disposable and people of other Nations as a waste of space. She was one of the few people who worked under his rule and continued working into my term. Who would’ve thought she knew who Axe was? Clearly, Yue’s father was popular amongst the royals.

“I think you’re well aware of who, on this council, still reason with his philosophy.”

She rose a brow at me, and I nodded. “We dismissed one of them today,” I muttered, and she chuckled under her breath, the wrinkles around her eyes becoming prominent. “That feistiness you saw today – that was from her mother’s side.”

“If you knew who Ying Yue was, why didn’t you speak up earlier? You knew from the start that she was a Waterbender-”

“That is untrue, Fire Lord Zuko. Majority of us were unaware of Ying Yue’s history. If it weren’t for two council members and your Uncle, no one wouldn’t have known.” A man spoke up from behind, his hands interlocked together in front of him.

I’m a fucking idiot.

I swore under my breath, turning on my heel as I let my hands slam the desk. Of course, Uncle Iroh would’ve known who Ying Yue’s father was. He served in the military, knew the ins and outs like the back of his hands. Why haven’t I thought of that before? So focused on the mess that was unfolding before my eyes, I missed the obvious.

“Fire Lord Zuko, you may have dismissed one troubled soul, but there are others who are itching to find an excuse to get rid of Ying Yue, and potentially, you.” She spoke, her extremely calm tone carrying throughout the study.

“By signing these papers, you’re trying to prove where your alliances stand, I can assume?” I questioned.

They all looked at each other before nodding slowly. “We can’t go back to those dark ages. Those false followers of yours are trying every means to impeach you. The moment Iroh told us you were submitting a change of status regarding Axe, we knew it was time for us to intervene.” I nodded, tempted to steal another drink at this point. It was one less thing to worry about on my list, and I found my fingers tracing the document – Axe.

“If there is anything more we can do for you Fire Lord Zuko; we will do so without hesitation.”

“Thank you. It is much appreciated, and I respect your loyalty.” I hummed, turning to face the bunch. They all wore sheepish smiles, gazing at each other before stepping back. “We will show ourselves out. Have a pleasant evening, Fire Lord Zuko.” They muttered under their breath before bowing deeply.

One by one, they left, everyone heading into a different direction the moment they stepped outside. As if the impromptu meeting had not happened. The eldest lady of them all, the one who spoke the most gave me a warm smile. Her hand rested along the door frame, looking over her shoulder, brown eyes scanning the document on the desk.

“Are you going to retire early, Fire Lord Zuko? Deliver our Impending Queen the good news regarding her father?” I let a small smile sneak up on my face, “Not yet, I have a few things to settle first before I deliver the news.”

“If the rumours are true, Mihir will find him.”

My eyes widen at her comment, and she let out a sad sigh, “I couldn’t tell you if Axe is indeed alive. If I could, I would. But if there is one person who could find him, it’s Mihir.”

“Did you know her mother too?” I questioned, leaning against my study with crossed arms. She let her wrinkled hands brush some grey hairs behind her ear, strands that escaped her tight bun.

“I did. Kasa Jiang. You know, you would’ve thought she was the Firebender and Axe was the Waterbender.” The lady laughed. Her eyes shinnied brightly, remembering all the fond memories she must have shared with them. But, if she knew them as well as she did…

“Axe, he was an only child, I couldn’t find any relatives besides his parents. But what about Kasa? Did she have any sisters or brothers…” I inquired. The lady nodded, letting a finger rest on her chin as she pondered.

“She did, a younger brother. Poor thing, he was a child when Kasa left the Northern tribe,” My heart pounded hearing her words.

Kasa had a brother.

Yue had an Uncle.

“Kasa loved him dearly, but with the war, and her skills in healing, she had to leave him behind. Axe told me they built another room in their house so Kasa could bring him to the Earth Nation…poor thing most likely doesn’t even know what happened to his sister.”

Did Yue know this – that she had an Uncle, somewhere in the Northern tribe? I frowned, scratching my head. Fuck, if it were anyone else, I would’ve assumed no, but Yue was a family person. Knowing her, she would’ve asked her parents about their family – that was just how she was.

“Fire Lord Zuko…is everything alright?”

Her shaky voice caught me off guard, nodding my head like a madman. “Y-yes. My apologies. I think some rest would do me some good.” I muttered under my breath, and she nodded despite studying me with anxious eyes. “I agree…I’ll let myself out. Have a pleasant evening, Fire Lord Zuko, give my regards to our Impending Queen.”

The doors shut, and I found myself locking the documents into my desk, briskly blowing the candles. The room dimmed, as I rubbed my eyes tiredly, walking out with heavy steps. The sun was almost hidden at this point, the Moon making its presence known. The door shut behind me, bidding my goodnights to the guards as I walked down the hallways.

My mind was buzzing – and not because of the damn whisky. Although the urge to go back and finish the glass was tempting at the moment. Yue has an Uncle, and the thought made me tense. Could their relation explain Yue’s peculiar bending skills?

The way she healed was strange, and it’s evident there was some secret regarding that aspect of her bending, especially since Aang threaten me if I tried to dig any further. Even Yue’s affinity of ice. The way she manipulated water – it was something I have yet to witness.

Beautiful – but chilling.

Nothing about this seemed right. And the more I thought, the more I remembered. Azula’s words were on replay in my mind, haunting my thoughts; the mother’s side is far more interesting…Everything was too coincidental, and something I learned during my reign was that there were no such things as happy accidents.

What are the chances that Azula comes back alongside Yakone? A man who we’ve been aimlessly searching for with a vengeance? Azula wouldn’t work with someone else; unless they had power and something to gain. Yakone had power – but what was she gaining from this? And then there’s Mai-

I groaned to myself, realizing where I was heading to without much thought. I need to speak with Uncle Iroh, what else was that damn tea-loving senior hiding from me? But what about the gang? Another grunt escaped me. Fuck.

My feet stopped moving, ready to turn on my heel. They said they had everything under control – that Suki and Toph will figure out Mai while Aang and Sokka talk with the military officials - fuck it.

All sense of duty and responsibility left the fucking premise, my feet moving with one goal in mind. My eyes spotted the two guards out front, shooting me smiles and bowing, “Evening Fire Lord Zuko.”

“Evening, is Imperial Consort Ying Yue inside?”

“Indeed, she’s resting. The nurses looked after her; nothing more than a cold.” I nodded at their words before pushing the doors open. The addictive smell of flowers and vanilla danced in the air, a stupid smile appearing on my face.

Home sweet home.

There she was – blankets messily wrapped around Yue’s body, teddy bear tucked under her chin. A deep chuckle rumbled from my chest as I stepped closer, taking in the magnificent sight in front of me. “Why am I not surprised?” I mused, taking note of the fact that she stole, yet another, shirt of mine.

My fingers ran along her silky legs, pulling the blankets and covering her. “Even in your sleep, you tempt me,” I mumbled, letting the sheets fall over her waist. She fell asleep on my side of the bed, a first I believe, but I was by no means complaining.

I flicked my fingers, lighting the candles on our nightstands, illuminating the room. And as I lazily rolled up my sleeves, unbuttoning the front of my robe, I found myself staring.

She’s beautiful.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I grasped her hand tightly with mine, thumb rubbing her palm. The feeling of her skin against mine left me breathless at times. But it was more than just that – I could spend hours relishing, admiring, every detail about her down to the last beauty mark.

The feeling of her lips against mine, or the way her hair tangled between my fingers.

The sweet vanilla scent that always lingered on her skin, or the soft giggles that sounded like music.

I rose her hand against my lips, letting a content sigh escape. “I love you…” I mumbled against her skin, planting soft, delicate kisses. Her mere presence had me relaxing, ready to take a bath and sleep. I can worry about everything tomorrow. For now…I want her.

“Zuko?”

My eyes opened, noticing Yue pouting. Her golden eyes fluttered open as she let out a whine. Fuck she’s adorable.

“I-I thought you’ll still be working- what time is it?” She hummed with a sweet smile on her face. Her eyes were no longer hazy, her natural glow shining through. She looks ten times better than this morning. “I let the gang handle it. I wanted to be here, love.” I muttered, letting my lips press against her hand, basking in her touch.

She nodded, watching me intently as I relaxed, “Zuko…can I ask you a question?”

I opened an eye, nodding slowly. Her mouth opened and closed, her cheeks flushing, and I grinned. “What’s got you so flustered, love?” I teased. There was something about seeing Yue squirming, to shy to speak, but unable to contain herself. She bit her lip bashfully, staring up at me with those big innocent eyes of her. “You’re going to laugh.” And at that statement, I did.

“Come on; love. Tell me.” I cooed, planting another kiss on her finger. The pink on her cheeks turned to a red, and with a rushed voice, she blurted.

“Why did you kiss my hand when we first met?”

My eyes widen at her question – something I was most certainly not expecting. I let our hands fall onto the bed, staring at her face. “W-well? I know kissing the hand isn’t a Fire Nation custom, so…” She integrated.

“You want the truth?” I mumbled.

Yue nodded.

“I don’t know, but fuck - it felt right.”

“Did you ever regret it?” She asked, curiosity dripping from every word she spoke. I smirked, leaning forward, letting my breath tickle her lips. “The only thing I regret is kissing you on the hand when it should’ve been your lips.”

Yue purred under her breath, lacing her hands in my hair, “You could make up for it now, by kissing me.”

I chuckled darkly, letting a lone finger trail under her chin, “But here’s the problem, love.” I groaned, tilting her head, just enough for her lips to press against mine, “if I kiss you now, I won’t be able to stop.”

“Who said I wanted you to stop?”

Her lips pressed against mine, and I let myself drown.

If love is madness – fuck sanity.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 4 years

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Oh! I had no idea asks were open. On the header it says closed. I hope you don't mind if I spam you questions and asks lol. I mean, I'll do it in moderation of course! For this one, I'd like to know what your house, patronus and factor like favourite character/s is! And may I also known your hcs for the school aged BB characters' houses? Thank ya! Muah!

I should really fix that; anytime the askbox isn’t closed, asks are open! Gonna see if I can change up my header so it’s less confusing :)

Also, anytime it’s open, you can ALWAYS spam me with asks!!! :D

I hope I’m understanding the question right here! SO, I think my house would definitely be Hufflepuff! The quiz I took says my Patronus would be a swan! And does this mean my favorite Harry Potter character? Because that would absolutely be Snape!

And here’s some headcanons for ya, I can’t believe these got so long!!

I didn’t do all the school age characters because I felt that’d be a LOT for one post, so I ended up doing Cheslock, Ciel, Clayton, Edward, Joanne, Lizzie, and Soma! Feel free to request more if you wanna see others, once the askbox is open again!

This was really fun and thought-provoking, it took me a while to get done but I loved it! I was really into Harry Potter as a kid so revisiting the world in a new perspective was so great!!

Cheslock

Gryffindor for sure! Although he’s undeniably bold, and can certainly be brave, Cheslock tends to be an example of the other side of the Gryffindor coin; he’s reckless and impulsive, and often pulls pranks on other houses. ― And sometimes on the people he doesn’t like in his own house.

He’s a half-blood, with his genes being split, unusually, about 50/50. His father is a high-ranking individual with a perfectly pureblood lineage, and his mother is a muggle with no wizard heritage whatsoever.

While he’s generally good at heart, there are many other Gryffindors who can’t stand him because he’s forever costing the house five points here, ten points there… he’s also brilliant at bending the rules, toeing the line between an upstanding student and a rebellious troublemaker.

He doesn’t really excel in any of his core classes, but he gets good enough grades that he’s never flunked out of any of them. When he gets into second year, he joins the Quidditch team as a beater, and as soon as he’s able to add it in, his extracurricular of choice is, of course, music. He still loves the violin more than anything.

Legend has it he once got transfigured something on a teacher’s desk (it could have been a pen, it could have been an apple, could have been a wand, whatever suits the story better) into a flask of whiskey. Without getting caught!

Ciel

Slytherin, natch, if only because he’s very shrewd and, if necessary, will do anything he needs to. Though his personality isn’t popular with a lot of the other students, even in his own house, everyone acknowledges that he’s actually a very good leader.

He’s definitely a pureblood, or at least he has so little muggle blood in his heritage that most people consider him so. Both of his parents were wizards, but there is some muggle blood a few generations back on his father’s side.

Curiously, he doesn’t care much about social standing or competitions or the like. That said, he still manages to earn Slytherin a lot of house points just by doing the things he’s good at and scoring exceptional marks on tests.

In his first year especially, he struggles with flying quite a bit, and he never really grows to be that skilled on a broom despite doing well enough to pass the class. What he lacks there, he makes up for in charms, and later, the study of ancient runes. He often needs a tutor in his other classes in the first year or two; in his later years, though, he becomes a tutor to younger students, especially for charm spells.

His housemates will vouch for the fact that he seems to get an awful lot of mail from his household back home. Some of it is letters. A lot of it is just candy… which he doesn’t even share!!

Clayton

This boy is a Ravenclaw through and through! He places a high value on intelligence and is here to learn as much as possible. The Sorting Hat seemed to mull over for a while whether he ought to go in Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He’s surprisingly popular with his housemates, probably for his great intellect and his cool, focused demeanor.

He’s a half-blood, though with more wizard heritage than muggle. His mother is a near-pureblood, with most of her ancestors being pureblood wizards, and his father is a half-blood, with most of his parents also being half-bloods.

A good percentage of Ravenclaw’s points come from him. He performs well on exams, is an excellent tutor to the first- and second-years, and, though he can certainly be sadistic, typically doesn’t act on it or do anything that might cost them points.

He starts out being one of the best students in potions ― and in his later years, graduates to being among the top three in alchemy. As he matures in his classes, he also elects to take magical theory, which goes on to eventually be his chosen area of study during his wizarding career.

There was a year wherein he dated every single one of Prefect Lawrence Bluewer’s sisters in succession. Depending on who you hear the story from, Lawrence either is still pissed, or gave Clayton his blessing. Either way, awkward.

Edward

Absolutely Gryffindor, as if there was ever any doubt! He was sorted in record time, and he’s the other side of Cheslock’s coin ― a gentleman who always does the right thing, who aims to serve, a courageous young man with the heart of a lion. (That said, however, he and Cheslock are very much close friends, so he often gets swept up in his housemate’s nonsense.)

He’s very close to being considered a pureblood, if most don’t already think of him that way. His mother is a pureblood, and his father is a half-blood who’s more wizard than muggle.

Is constantly trying to make up points that getting involved in Cheslock’s aforementioned shenanigans has cost Gryffindor. At the very least, Edward usually manages to break even, so it’s as if said tomfoolery never happened. Ah, he gets sick of it, but he keeps letting himself get dragged along!

He’s an absolute wiz at flying, (pun very much intended), and starting in his second year, he eventually becomes Gryffindor’s star chaser in Quidditch. He could well make a living doing that in professional leagues. Instead, he also focuses on academia; excelling in charms and defense against the dark arts. Reportedly he’s one of the very, very few who also enjoys the lectures on the history of magic.

The younger students say they’ve seen it for themselves that his wand is outfitted with a sort of false bottom that hides a plain knife. They all wonder why that kind of wand would have chosen a fellow like Edward, or indeed why it exists in the first place!

Joanne

He’s a Hufflepuff, and proud to be! Similarly to Edward, it didn’t take very long at all for him to be sorted. He’s on the shy side, especially for his first few years, but once he starts coming out of his shell, he makes a lot of friends… even in other houses! He still feels most comfortable around other Hufflepuffs, though. They just get him!

One of the handful of rare students who’s a full pureblood with very little, if any, discernible muggle blood in his heritage. Both of his parents are purebloods, which seems to surprise people, because despite his gentility, Joanne seems to struggle with the more intensive magical concepts.

He’s not all that concerned with points, because he’s pretty much just interested in his coursework. However, like Ciel, he tends to earn house points for Hufflepuff anyway simply due to the fact that he tests well, he’s always there to help someone if they need it, and he follows the rules.

It, er… takes him a while to get the hang of flying during his first year, and even then, he tends to stay off a broom if he can help it. His favorite of his core classes is herbology, and during later years, he absolutely blossoms when he starts studying the care of magical creatures. He’s just got such a soft spot for taking care of things. He’s also fond of arithmancy, which boggles people’s minds ― they think a difficult class like that would stress him out!

Whenever he can’t sleep, he often hangs out with the Friar. The two of them (along with possibly another Hufflepuff ghost or two) will just sit in one of the common rooms while Joanne reads, and sometimes the Friar will stay even after Joanne falls asleep in a chair.

Lizzie

Nobody better have anything bad to say about Hufflepuffs where she can hear it!! Unlike her brother, the Sorting Hat took a little bit with her, waffling between whether she would be a better fit for Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Her undying loyalty, sweetness, and strength eventually got the choice made. Other houses might think them strange, but Lizzie is a very bubbly young lady and has made wonderful friends with nearly all her housemates!

Her similarities with Edward lie in their heritage. Most people think of her as just one step down from a full pureblood.

Although she doesn’t take competition too terribly seriously, she still wants to earn as many points as she can for her house. She’s very like Joanne in that she earns points by being very kind to everyone and helping where she can, and putting as much effort into her exams as possible.

Don’t let her petite stature and sweetness fool you ― she is a beast of a seeker once she works her way up there! Quidditch is just her hobby, though, as she much prefers charms and is shockingly very adept at potions. She also takes apparition lessons in her sixth year, and dabbles for a short time in divination. She also at least considers joining Joanne in the care of magical creatures, even if she might not end up doing it.

The fact that she’s dating Ciel, a Slytherin who is seemingly her opposite, is just incomprehensible to most people. There are those who say he must have slipped her a love potion or done some other spell on her. These rumors, however, are untrue. She simply adores Ciel, and that is all there is to it.

Soma

Many of his classmates are stumped as to why a prince was sorted into Hufflepuff! Then… they meet him, and it all makes sense. He’s made of sunshine and is astonishingly devoted to anyone he decides is his friend. And, well, he sort of attaches himself like that to everybody. Strange, everybody thinks? Maybe… but these are his people!!

He’s a half-blood, with a bit more wizard blood than muggle. His father is actually not pureblood; instead, his father is a muggle whose parents were both half-bloods, and it’s Soma’s mother who is a near-pureblood, a witch whose parents are a half-blood and a pureblood.

He’s rather unconcerned with the house points, preferring to concentrate on everything he can learn in his classes. There’s so much he doesn’t know! He often costs Hufflepuff points with some oblivious behavior, as well as his exam scores not being the best, but he also often earns just as many points with kind behavior toward other students.

He enjoys his astronomy class in particular, and seems to do very well in herbology even though it’s not his favorite. He joins Edward in being thoroughly fascinated by the history of magic. He also loves transfiguration, consistently getting the highest marks in that class. It might surprise everyone that he takes muggle studies as an elective ― that interests him too, okay! In later years he’ll probably need a lot of counseling to figure out what he wants to focus his attention on.

His friend and protector Agni literally kind of followed him to school because their bond is so strong. Agni’s a half-blood who works in the kitchen at Hogwarts, and lives on the grounds, so whenever Soma needs him, he’s there. Soma loves this! All his friends in one place!

#Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Hogwarts AU #Cheslock #Ciel #Clayton #Edward #Joanne #Lizzie #Soma #headcanons #AU #wow this was a lot of fun heck!!!!!#IT GETTED SO LONG oops #queued

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radiojamming · 5 years

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The Terror Meta - Tom Hartnell: Symbol of Death, Redemption, and Bravery

By now, I think it’s been established that The Terror’s writers went above and beyond when it came to making their characters. The question board picture has been circulated (including the question of when a character went from being in a high adventure story to horror), so it’s probably not a reach to say that every character had their place in the show carefully considered. And one of those characters is Tom Hartnell.

(Warning: Long post and spoiler heavy. Uh, people die. A lot.)

For the show’s time constraints, Tom’s backstory is mentioned in snippets, mostly in the first episode. David Young provides the majority of it:

“I don’t want you to do to me what you did to Tom Hartnell’s brother. [...] I want to go to my grave as I am. Don’t cut me open.”

Several times in the same episode, references are made to the men on Beechey Island, having been the first three casualties of the Expedition. Clearly, Tom’s brother was one of these three.

I’ve posted this on my blog before, but the original pilot script also gave Tom an extra role and provided deeper backstory, such as this:

With Tom on the Erebus watching Billy Orren drown and attempting to go after him, a role that was eventually given to Collins. And again in a removed flashback to Beechey Island, which provides not only backstory, but further explanation to why Tom is the way that he is:

While this isn’t included in the show, the writers probably kept this scene in mind with his character. Yeah, Tom walked in on his brother’s autopsy. From the very beginning of the Expedition, he dealt with death in the most direct and horrifying way possible. In the sense of the writer’s question of when it went from high adventure to horror? It was probably this moment, before the show even begins.

From this point, Tom is transferred to Terror for reasons not explained, but now everyone knows what’s happened to him. Even people as far down the hierarchy rungs as David Young know, and it makes them uneasy. But here’s where it gets interesting.

At the moment David Young starts coughing, Tom Hartnell appears in nearly every single scene involving a person either dying or about to die. Case in point.

He’s sitting right behind Hickey and looks over his shoulder when David starts coughing. Shortly after, when David retches, he’s standing up and watching him.

(It should probably be noted that David dies of exactly the same disease that killed Tom’s brother. Wuh-oh.)

“Okay, DJ, but that’s just one time. He’s an AB, so of course he would be there!” you might say.

You’re right! But the next time he appears in Episode 2 (”Gore”), look who he’s standing next to.

Lieutenant Graham Gore, that’s who! (And Morfin by extension, but that’s for later. Same with Des Voeux.)

Aaaand who goes next?

(Really big UH-OH.)

And if you want to go by extension, he’s also present when Silna’s father is shot, and is the one assigned to collect Silna’s things that are in the Erebus sick bay with her father’s body in Ep. 3 (”The Ladder”).

Where he looks, appropriately, uncomfortable. @theiceandbones absolutely brilliantly pointed out that yes, this is the Erebus sick bay where Tom walked in on his brother’s autopsy. It stands to mind that of course he’d be anxious. He knocks on the doorframe before he enters, walking in slowly and nervously. His body language here is interesting and hard to capture with just screenshots, but he keeps trying to look away from the body as much as possible, but is finding it very hard to look away. Even as he’s leaving the room, he looks again, while also bodily backing away from it. With his brother’s death in mind, he’s revisiting the place where it all happened, possibly for the first time since then.

While I think his death symbolism starts with David Young, it really picks up between here and the next scene, where he speaks to Silna.

In the short time he speaks to her, a few things are established, both said and unsaid. Unlike some of the crew, Tom doesn’t appear to be uneasy about Silna, but instead is sympathetic. His job was probably just to get her things and deliver them, but he goes out of his way to help her and extends kindness in packing her food. He offers his condolences, and again, in something that is hard to catch in screenshots, he thinks about it for a moment, looking conflicted before offering them and giving her the nickname she’ll have for the rest of the series.

It’s unsaid, but undoubtedly, he’s thinking of his own loss as well.

We don’t see Tom for a little while until near the end of the episode when Sir John is taken into the firehole. And then, sure enough:

There he is. (For an AB, he’s sure showing up with officers quite a bit.)

Tom is in-frame for death after death after death.

It gets subverted (like a lot of things) in Ep. 4 (”Punished, As a Boy”). Tom is not in frame during Private Heather’s attack, which may be owed to Heather not dying. Strong is taken off-screen, and Evans is only with Crozier when he’s killed. He reappears briefly and in-focus, sitting with Hickey and Peglar, when Tozer is talking about how baffled they all are that Heather hasn’t died.

He also doesn’t appear when the Strong-Evans mismatched corpse is found by Hickey, who proceeds to actually see the Tuunbaq for the first time. The next time he’s seen is at a very pivotal scene for not only him, but the entire plot.

At this point, Hickey’s claimed responsibility for capturing Silna, and Tom stands up a few seconds after to also claim responsibility. This is where I think the tone of his subplot changes completely, all in the matter of one scene:

The interrogation.

Now the above shot is kind of amazing, and I’ve only noticed it recently, but knowing how much detail the show crew put into this, I feel like it’s relevant to point out a few things. First, this shot is framed with Hartnell in the center and Hickey and Manson off to the side, just after Hickey says that Tom saw the Tuunbaq first. There’s a brief shot of Hartnell sort of side-glaring at Hickey with his lip twitching before he steels himself, and then this composition. Little and Fitzjames are looking at Hickey, but Crozier’s looking at Tom, fully and completely. He knows something, and it feels relevant to note that Hickey is level with a chessboard, while Tom is level with the light.

I’ve posted about Tom’s face journey here before, and I’ll recycle a few shots for this, but the turning point comes just after Crozier outlines what Hickey’s being accosted and punished for. He names the punishment (the lashes), and Tom’s face says it all.

Fear. His eyes are watering. He has to take in a few breaths, but then Crozier asks what do they have to say and without even a full second of hesitation (I counted):

Tom says, “Yes, sir!” as clearly as possible. He accepts the punishment immediately. Crozier’s reaction:

He stares at Tom for a long moment, thoughtful, until Little draws his attention away.

Now, what does this have to do with the theory of Tom being a symbol of death? Well, a lot. I’ll get to that.

First, during the lashing, you only hear Tom’s v/o telling Manson that the lashings will hurt, and that the pain is the point of why they’re lashed. He is deliberately kept out of sight and focus, because the punishment isn’t really for him in the audience’s eyes anymore. He was probably absolved the moment Crozier looked at him. The punishment is completely directed on Hickey after that.

Ep. 5 (”First Shot a Winner, Lads”) is where the change in Hartnell really shows. The episode starts off with scenes of life now. Officers and men are taking measurements of temperature and gauging the speed of sound and light. Fitzjames is working on the charts (towards Back’s Fish River). Goodsir and Lady Silence are talking and translating, and the trinkets from the men are shown as they’ve interacted with her. The show physically leans away from death for a moment, which up until now has been bloody and gruesome. The first person who dies is Hornby, and all that happens to him?

He simply falls to the ground. No blood. No viscera. His heart’s just stopped.

Of course, the next time Tom appears:

He’s handling Hornby’s body and taking it down to the dead room.

This scene is very poignant because it shows how four different characters handle the idea of death and the afterlife, all in very short order.

You have Magnus, scared of the hold because he’s certain he’s heard the voices of Strong and Evans. He’s afraid of the ghosts that he’s sure are there.

You have Irving, who is oddly indignant, technical when it comes to the dead with explaining that all that’s left of them are frozen remains and canvas shrouds, and furious at the idea of Manson believing in ghosts.

Hickey, who at first seems to be doing Manson a kindness, but probably just more eager to show Irving up.

And then Tom, completely unafraid of handling a body, and offering to Manson that he can get the job done if Manson lowers Hornby down.

The next shot we see is another interesting one, with Hartnell leading the way to the dead room, Hickey bringing up the rear, and Manson, the lantern-bearer, several steps behind. (You could say a lot for crossing the River Styx energies here, ya.)

And then the dead room is shown at a Dutch angle or Dutch tilt, a technique used to establish uneasiness or tension.

Manson is watching the two of them work in the dead room, out of the light, in a shot that is off-kilter (yes, the ship is off-kilter as well, but up until this point, everyone has been shown standing upright) to suggest that something is going to go wrong. But then:

Tom steps out of the dead room first, in the lantern light, standing upright against the angle, diffusing the tension. There are no ghosts, no eerie disembodied voices. And just like that, with a quiet affirmation--

The scene ends, with nothing having gone wrong.

To follow up on this in the sense of Tom’s character, he’s gone from being nervous and touchy around the dead to being completely alright with their presence.

Following this, there are more scenes of life against all odds. Tozer is cutting Heather’s nails and speaking to him as though he’s awake. Hodgson supervises another scientific experiment with the cannons. Goodsir and Lady Silence meet with Blanky and Crozier and speak, ending up with the fight that culminates between Fitzjames and Crozier. No one is killed. If anything, this is one the liveliest scenes thusfar.

The next time he appears?

Is when the Tuunbaq is on the ship and about to appear in full. Before, his appearance might have suggested that someone was about to die, but something kind of interesting happens.

The crew fire on the Tuunbaq after Blanky marks it with the lantern fire, and for one of the first times in the show, Tom actually appears happy.

He’s excited! He’s standing with Little, Hodgson, and Tozer, and they’re all thrilled. Even more amazing?

Blanky does not die.

He’s injured. His injuries require a pretty gruesome amputation, but of all the episodes in the show, Ep. 5 ends with the lowest body count.

Now Ep. 6 (”A Mercy”) is kind of all over the place for Tom and everyone else. He appears first talking to Hickey about Armitage, who is now revealed to have been part of their plot to kidnap Lady Silence. Hickey asks why Tom didn’t turn Armitage in, even after being flogged.

Hickey: You’d have been in your rights to.

Hartnell: I didn’t see the point in it.

Hickey: Even still? After getting flogged? That sort of thing can change your sense of what the point is.

Hartnell: It did. I’m grateful... is the point.

Hickey: [pause] Reformed you, did it?

Hartnell: I shouldn’t have listened to you. And I deserved to be flogged.

Hickey: [silence]

Hartnell: Yeah, and by ordering it, the Captain, he’s given me a chance to clean my record and start anew.

Hickey: Do you think Crozier sees it like that? A new Mr. Hartnell?

Hartnell: I do, yeah. [smiles] And I intend to use that charter well.

This is another turning point for both Hartnell and Hickey. Hickey is realizing that his list of allies is getting shorter (he starts by trying to drive a wedge between Tom and command, reminding him that he physically suffered because of them, and when he realizes that it isn’t going to work, he mocks him and leaves him) and now understands that Tom probably won’t work with him again.

Tom shows that his loyalty is now completely with Crozier. I’d even say that he never followed Hickey’s ideals in the first place, even with the kidnapping (remember how he acted toward Lady Silence before, and how quick he was to be held responsible). This is him now completely, as the phrase goes, on the side of angels. It’s going to add a new tone to his next few interactions, and really drive home his place as a death symbol.

Ep. 6 is as bloody and horrific as Ep. 5 was not. Fitzjames holds his Carnivale, Jopson and Crozier attend, and it all goes wrong very, very fast. One thing that @theiceandbones and I noticed was that before it-shay hits the an-fay, Tom is seen once in costume.

And he’s dressed as what appears to be a lion - a very poignant symbol of bravery (and Britain, if you want to go that far).

Of course, during the fire, Tom is there (as is everyone except Hickey who is outside of the tent), so I’d hesitate to call that a connection. His first mention after Carnivale is through Bridgens, who tells Crozier that Tom reported Dr. Peddie lost during the fire.

Going into Episode 7 (”Horrible from Supper”), Tom is officially an outlier to the people who are going to become the Mutineers. He’s excluded from anything Hickey begins to plan and is completely on the captains’ side. Literally. His next shot shows him between Crozier and Jopson.

But more relevant is the next time he’s seen with Crozier and Blanky, making notes of the ice and the movement of the compass. Blanky remarks:

Tom’s been completely redeemed in the eyes of Crozier, enough that he’s being asked to step outside the grunt work of hauling sledges, and his opinions and observations are trusted (”Very well. I’ll continue to rely on your eyes.”). The way he gives his observations also show an uptick in confidence and enthusiasm. He’s happy, and a far step away from his nervous, mournful attitude of earlier episodes.

Has he stepped out of the role of being a death symbol? Yes, and no.

Death has started to dog the crew of the Expedition again. Madness is seeping in with the lead. Hickey begins to weave the tapestry of his mutiny as the gruesome discovery of Fairholme’s party takes place (note that Tom isn’t present for this). Rescue seems impossible, and death is starting to become imminent.

Tom Hartnell’s role begins to change, and he goes from being present at the deaths to aiding in the recovery. Whereas death is everywhere, Tom is a symbol of something gentler (on a whole, this is talked about beautifully in this meta piece).

It starts with Morfin.

Remember that Tom was in the shot with Gore, Morfin, and Des Voeux in Ep. 2, and he’s seen with Morfin again with Lady Silence’s father in the Erebus sick bay later. His role changes with Morfin in Ep. 7 (I’d even through in the symbolism of Morfin singing The Silver Swan if we really want to go wild with the death icons). Morfin is shot, put out of his misery effectively, and Tom does not appear until after he is killed. More importantly, he’s now interacting with the scene - helping, as it were.

He’s at the center of the shot with Goodsir - not Morfin, who is technically the subject. His hand is on Goodsir, and he silently says something to him before Goodsir stands. Unlike with the other deaths, Tom is no longer directing his attention on the bodies, but on the people who are dealing with them.

Further on, he privately speaks with Crozier about Armitage’s involvement in Hickey’s earlier plot. Once more, he’s on Crozier’s side completely, which Crozier affirms for him, saying that he trusts him and does not want to put him in a position where he feels like he can’t speak. He says they’ll work together, and thanks Tom, earning a smile out of him.

D’awwww.

But back with his death symbolism, Tom is the first shown to be handling Morfin’s body, drawn into sharp focus against the corpse.

He’s responsible for the handling and burial, but rather than appearing nervous or upset about his job, he handles it as he did with Hornby’s body. It’s a job to do, and one that he doesn’t appear to mind doing anymore. He helps dig Morfin’s grave, juxtaposed with shots and conversation of Crozier talking about the lead in the cans that led to Morfin’s madness and death.

The episode ends with Jopson’s promotion and the start of Hickey’s bloody mutiny, in a way signaling the beginning of the end.

Tom doesn’t appear for a portion of Ep. 8 (”Terror Camp Clear”), removed from Irving’s violent death where he probably would have been before, and instead placed in the silent, mournful atmosphere of the dead Netsilik group.

He’s also removed from the general chaos of the imaginary raid on Terror Camp, but appears in probably one of the most pivotal and brilliantly-arranged scenes that he gets in the entire show.

The Tuunbaq attacks in full force, ripping the camp asunder, causing so much chaos that the mutineers manage to get away. Men are killed left and right, gruesomely torn apart. The fog makes it difficult to see what’s happening and where, and so only the sounds of roaring and screaming indicate what is happening around them.

And then there’s Tom.

He’s scared. Of course he is. He’s seen what the Tuunbaq can do, and he knows it’s coming. All he can do is tell the men with him to get down and out of sight, while he stands.

Trembling, he raises his gun and waits for the inevitable. He was on deck with they shot the Tuunbaq with the cannon, and he knows that even then, it got away. He knows its size and what it’s capable of doing. His gun will do nothing to it, and he knows this. All he can do is buy the men time and take at least one shot.

Tom Hartnell literally faces down death itself, and does not back away.

The camera pans in on him, drawing into focus how he steels himself, furrowing his brows, keeping his aim steady. If anything, this shot establishes his bravery in full detail. And then--

A rocket is launched at the Tuunbaq from behind -- completely parallel to Tom. In a similar focused shot is Fitzjames.

Complete with the same steely resolve and surety, establishing his own bravery. With him on one side and Tom on the other, the Tuunbaq is caught in a perfect intersection of selflessness and courage, even when no one’s around to witness it (”A man like me will do amazing things to be seen.”).

Ep. 9 (”The C, The C, The Open C”) opens with Lady Franklin formally, but with Tom and Golding on the Arctic side, dealing with the dead in the day after the attack on Terror Camp.

Once again, Tom is no longer present during the deaths, but is dealing with the aftermath. He offers to help Golding move the body. Golding wonders after the identity of the body, clearly shaken by what he’s seen. But Tom, turning his focus way from the corpse, puts his hand on Golding’s arm to comfort him, as he did with Goodsir.

“That won’t change what we do for him.”

It’s no longer a matter of the how’s and why’s, but rather how the men move on. Tom has come to represent something so much more in death than its execution. His own grief was mired in the memory of his brother and what was done to his body. Lashing out, curling into himself, allowing others to control his path, and then finding his own way to redemption, Tom has made the full walk of his own sorrow and gone through its stages, coming out on the other side with the sense of mind to help others cope with their losses.

Then, he’s standing before the row of the dead, hands respectfully folded in front of him. He’s in their presence again, but not in the violent hour of their death, but again, in the aftermath.

Crozier’s speech is examined so, so gorgeously in this post, with the words “courage” and “the end” focused on Tom. @theiceandbones also pointed out (and subsequently broke my heart) that after Crozier mentions bringing home the names of the dead so that their loved once can find solace, Tom’s bottom lip is trembling. I fully believe in his character, Jack Colgrave Hirst chose to keep the real Thomas Hartnell’s life in mind, thinking that he was going to have to go back to their mother with news of his brother’s death. He embodies this concept so well in that moment.

After Fitzjames’ death, Tom is seen again in that same role.

He’s at the center of the shot with Fitzjames’ body, sewing him into his shroud, surrounded and at the center of the focus of their party. He’s either volunteered or been chosen to the handle the body, which he does respectfully. As Shannon, my brilliant cohort noticed:

He’s working diligently and carefully. And again, it won’t change what he does for him.

Tom also helps with Peglar, who he has been shown with multiple times since the very first episode, possibly suggesting that they’ve been friends all along.

He helps lift Peglar into Bridgens’ arms, clearly worrying for him.

He’s not shown during Peglar’s death, but he helps handle him, allowing him to rest a little easier before he quietly passes on. Compared to what’s been happening in the mutineer camp, what Tom’s witnessing is a gentle passing of people.

It’s the last scene that stings the worst, as Crozier’s group is confronted by the mutineers, including Des Voeux, Hodgson, and Manson.

Des Voeux’s gun misfires, hitting Tom square in the chest.

Tom’s own death is not through the Tuunbaq, or through any of Hickey’s machinations, or anything more than an accident. It’s quick, but painful. Crozier kneels beside him, stroking his hair, comforting him as Tom’s done for others before. The next few lines speak for themselves.

It’s the end of Tom’s redemption, a sign of his bravery, of his own recovery and progress. Crozier calls him son, affirming a bond between them. Tom is not dying alone. Instead, he has someone at his side who cares for him, just as Tom had been for his own brother only a few years before.

He holds on, struggling against the agony of his wound, until Crozier, eyes filling with tears, lets him go with one phrase -- one that includes something that hasn’t been mentioned since Ep. 1.

John Hartnell hasn’t been mentioned since the first episode, and it’s been several years at that point since his death. But Crozier knows what Tom’s been through, and he’s certainly seen his displays of grief and development. If anything would cause Tom to let go, this would be it. With it, Tom goes quietly in only a few seconds. He goes without a sound, simply closing his eyes and letting out a breath.

Des Voeux, shaken, asks Crozier to stand up. With it, Crozier does Tom a final respect by asking Little to bury him, and to live. Tom’s body is kept out of sight completely, not seen again.

After his death, the others go quickly. By the time of Ep. 10, it’s almost wholesale loss, between Goodsir’s heroic suicide, the Tuunbaq, and others just disappearing into the mists of the Arctic. But Tom’s character appears to have represented a balance, showing grief and loss, but also recovery and redemption. He appears with nearly every major death in the show, going from anxious and shaken to brave and kind, more eager to help those left in the wake of death, making him the perfect representation to the concepts of loss, grief, and recovery for The Terror.

#amc the terror #terror blogging #thomas hartnell #jack colgrave hirst #meta #long post #really really long post #i just really love him a lot #this was originally titled THE TOM HARTNELL GRIM REAPER THEORY

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spaceskam · 4 years

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blood and water

Day 12 of my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts goes to the lovely @brightloveee! I sincerely hope you enjoy this even though I’m posting this at 1 in the morning. Which. Is one hour earlier than I told you I was going to post, so look at me being productive

warning: mentions of child abandonment

ao3

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t take my brother with you.”

Alex clenched his jaw as he, not for the first time, second-guessed the decision to ask Isobel to come with him. He’d woken up two mornings prior to a phone call from an unknown number and, when he answered, he’d been shocked into silence at the sound of his mother’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in years. Decades. Michael had asked him if he was okay and it was the only thing that shook him out of it enough to respond.

She had told him that she missed him and would like to see him if he was up for it. She provided her address that was painfully close by in one of the reservations and asked him to come for dinner in two days. Alex had been unsure if he was willing to put himself out there like that, but she told him there was no pressure and she would understand. She just wanted to get to know who her boy had turned out to be.

With a little persuasion, Alex had agreed.

“Because your brother wouldn’t have kept me calm if things go wrong,” Alex admitted, “He probably would’ve fueled it while you’re really good at smoothing things over.”

“I can see him being like ‘that’s right, baby, fuck her up!’” Isobel said, mocking Michael’s voice in a way that made Alex roll his eyes, “But I see your point. Glad I can help.”

“Well, I’m paying you in food, so,” Alex said. Isobel gave a shiny grin.

Things fell silent for a little while as they continued their drive to his mother’s house. The longer they were silent, the more Alex’s mind was wandering. He tried to focus on Michael’s encouraging words that it was only one dinner and would be closure for him. Two decades had passed with him never knowing why his mother left him completely. He had theories, but none of them seemed to explain why she had waited twenty years to reach out to him.

“So, Kyle and I went on a date last night,” Isobel started randomly, turning to face him in the car. Alex had to blink a few times before her voice registered in his head. “Wanna hear about it?”

Alex glanced over at her and got the feeling that she saw his mind racing. He smiled.

“Sure.”

Alex listened to her talk about it in specific detail as he drove, nodding his head along to her repeating basically word for word their debate on what to eat. He allowed himself to get too invested because it was easier to get invested in their dumb date. It wasn’t even a first date. It was simply a date. And Alex was so thankful for the story.

However, it eventually came to an end as they pulled up to his mother’s house. It wasn’t big and it wasn’t super impressive. It was small and the yard wasn’t very kept up with. The paint on the shutters was faded and the gutters were stuffed with debris. But the door looked normal and the mat in front had welcome written in 20 different languages. Despite that, Alex looked to Isobel for the strength to get out of his car.

“The sooner we get in, the sooner we get out,” Isobel said and Alex nodded.

He could do this.

Walking to the door seemed to take forever. It was painstaking and he kept looking at Isobel to make sure he should keep going. Part of him wanted to bail and to just go back home to his boyfriend and his dog where things were going great. This just felt like something to disrupt it.

“We can leave if you want to,” Isobel said, “But I don’t think you want that.”

And she was right which was annoying.

Alex knocked on the door and then waited. He waited. When it finally opened, he felt like he’d been punched in the face and, thankfully, Isobel was standing close enough to grab his arm and steady him.

There in front of him was his mother.

She was shorter than him now, but, aside from that, she seemed to look exactly as he remembered. The eyes she had given him were still the same. Her hair was still as dark as his. Her smile was the same as his. Her face structure, her skin color, her everything. It was too much.

“Oh my, look at you,” she said. She reached out for a hug, but he stepped further into Isobel rather than accept it. She dropped her arms. “You’re so grown up.”

“That’s what happens after twenty years,” Alex said before he thought about it. She gave a sad little smile and Isobel squeezed his arm.

“I know. I’m so sorry it took me so long,” his mom said softly, a voice too similar to his own when he spoke to people he loved. It made him feel sick. He suddenly wished he brought Michael if only so he could’ve held his hand. “But you’re here now. I want to get to know you now.”

“And we came all this way so we could do just that,” Isobel said, giving that all too charming smile that reminded Alex why he brought her, “Hi, I’m Isobel.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Alex’s mom said, smiling kindly at her and then letting her eyes go back to Alex. “Do you guys wanna come in?” He took a deep breath.

“I guess.”

Walking into the small house felt like a whole new wave of surrealism. She had pictures lining the walls and on every surface that could hold them. There were pictures of him and his brothers, but nothing recent. They all stopped two decades prior. There were more recent ones of other children though. Pictures of her with people Alex didn’t recognize, kissing and cuddling and smiling with them all. Sometimes they were in front of Christmas trees or fancy holiday dinners, sometimes it was just because.

“Who is this?” Alex asked bluntly, pointing to a picture on the mantle. It was the biggest and it was of his mother, a man with much darker skin than them both and much more native features, and two little boys all smiling in front of a house covered in Christmas decorations. It sat badly in his stomach.

“That is my late husband, Lewis, and his sons,” she answered slowly. He looked at her sharply.

“You remarried?”

His mother gave a tight smile and nodded. This was clearly an uncomfortable topic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I met him a year after I left your father. We married a year after that,” she explained. He kept staring. Simply, silently begging ’and the kids?’. She sighed. “John and Rickie lived with us. They’re a bit younger than you, they moved out a few years ago. Lewis died in 2014.”

Alex stared at the picture a little longer. His mother raised two boys that weren’t hers, but couldn’t be bothered to know her own children. He couldn’t understand that. He felt anger rise in him.

“Did he know about us?” Alex demanded, “Did he know that you abandoned your children?”

“Alex, can we please talk about that after we’ve eaten? I want to know about you and your life before we get into the parts I’m not proud of,” she asked. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked to Isobel who had a painfully blank face.

“Just tell me this one thing first. I deserve to know,” Alex said as a compromise. His mother sighed again, shifting in her discomfort.

“Yes, he knew,” she said.

“And he let you be around his children?”

“Alex.”

“And he let you be around his children?”

“Yes, Alex, he did,” she said. Alex scoffed and turned to Isobel. He couldn’t understand why someone would marry someone who was known to abandon her family. “Can we please talk about something easier?”

“Fine,” Alex agreed. Just get it over with.

“You have a beautiful home,” Isobel jumped in, still on Alex’s arm to try to keep him calm. Admittedly, it helped.

“Thank you, Isobel,” his mother said with a forced little smile, “Should we sit down?”

Alex and Isobel followed her to the couch, exchanging a silent conversation that contained a lot of Isobel telling him to play nice with her eyebrows. He agreed reluctantly and decided that at least he’d get rewarded for it. Either by her or Michael, it didn’t matter. He could push through.

The two of them sat on the loveseat across from his mother. She picked up a mug with a slightly shaky hand that Alex assumed he had caused. For some reason, he couldn’t find any remorse.

“You guys are very cute together, by the way,” she said, hiding the smile behind her mug. Alex just stared at her.

“I’m gay,” he said simply. Her eyes widened in shock. He tried not to show how badly they rubbed him the wrong way.

“So am I,” Isobel added, giving a truly Isobel smile as she propped her chin on her fist. Alex folded his lips in and looked down at his lap for a moment.

“Oh, sorry,” his mom laughed softly, unsuccessfully brushing off the awkwardness her assumption had brought on. “You know what, I’m gonna go check on dinner.”

The moment she was out of earshot, Alex turned to Isobel with a smile.

“Isobel, you aren’t gay,” he pointed out. She shrugged, waving him off.

“Yeah, but I hate that straight people assume that friends of the opposite sex should date. Heteronormativity is lame.”

Alex let out a soft little laugh and shook his head. He never thought he’d say it, but thank God for Isobel Evans.

“Good point.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket before they could say anything more and Alex was relieved to see it was from Michael. Isobel took the opportunity to check her own.

Michael: hows it going?

Alex: Fine. I deserve a medal for this.

Michael: i’ll see what I can do 😘

“So, uh, tell me,” his mother said as she came back into the room. Alex locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. “What have I missed in your life?”

Alex scoffed, “Everything?” Isobel elbowed him at the same time she tilted her head and gave him a motherly look that he didn’t think she had the right to. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Well, did you graduate high school?” she asked. He held his breath. She really knew nothing.

“Yeah. And then I went into the Air Force, lost my leg in combat,” he said. Her face went stoic then.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I didn’t know,” she said softly.

“How could you when you weren’t there?”

“He’s ridiculously smart, though,” Isobel jumped in, “He has a job at some really prestigious tech company, basically runs the damn place.”

“Well that’s nice,” his mother said, her fake smile still in place. She kept looking him over, looking for signs that he was broken. It was the first thing he’d seen all night that had snapped any desire to make her feel bad by saying how bad things went after she left. He didn’t want her to find anything. He didn’t want her to win.

He refused to be broken.

“I live with my boyfriend, Michael. We’ve been together since high school,” Alex said with a truly cynical grin. He knew he was embellishing a little, but he couldn’t help it. Her eyes widened and her smile seemed to grow into something a bit more genuine.

“That’s so nice to hear. Why didn’t you bring him along?”

“He had to work,” Alex lied. He didn’t have to do anything. Alex had forced him to pick up the extra shift so he wouldn’t spend all day stressing.

“Oh, well maybe next time,” she said.

Then things fell silent. He very quickly realized that he didn’t have anything interesting to tell. Well, he did, but nothing you could tell someone that was practically a stranger. He didn’t want to tell her how hard it was after she’d gone and he definitely couldn’t tell her that he was currently in the middle of dismantling a government conspiracy. There was nothing to say.

“His brothers are doing good too,” Isobel said because of course, she would be the only one to be able to continue the conversation, “I’ve only met them a few times, but they all seem happy.” It was a lie too, but it was a good lie and Alex applauded her for it.

“That’s good to hear too,” his mother whispered, “I tried to call them, but they didn’t pick up.”

Oh, so I was the only idiot? Good to know.

“I feel like we’re beating around the bush,” Alex blurted, “Why can’t you just go ahead and tell me why you left and why it took you two decades to call me?”

Isobel squeezed his arm again as they watched his mother shift uncomfortably in her seat. She sighed slowly and clearly seemed to be gathering her thoughts. He waited very impatiently.

“Your father… I’m sure you know, but your father wasn’t a good man. Staying with him just wasn’t an option for me,” she said slowly.

“That doesn’t explain why you left us with him. If you knew he was bad, why would you leave us with him? Why would you leave us with no one to protect us?” Alex demanded, keeping his voice steady. I am not broken.

“Alex, you don’t understand. I didn’t have the means to take care of all four of you on my own. It was better for you to live there than to live with me when I had nowhere to go.”

“I would’ve rather lived like that than live with my father.”

“No, you really wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I wouldn’t want,” Alex scoffed, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what he did to me. And you don’t know because you left and didn’t bother to even try.”

“I wanted to reach out to you, Alex, but your father made that impossible.”

“And after we turned eighteen? It was impossible then?” he wondered. Her shoulders dropped and she rubbed her eye.

“At that point, I wasn’t sure if any of you wanted to see me again.”

“Then why now? Why not just stay away now?”

“Because I realized I was missing out. I’ve already missed out on so much and I don’t want to miss out more. I want to know you and your families and your friends. I want to be a mother to you,” she insisted. She sounded so, so sincere. A younger Alex would’ve bought it. A younger Alex would’ve hugged her. A younger Alex would’ve been stupid.

“I don’t need a mother anymore,” Alex stated simply.

Her lips almost pouted. It was childish. It was frustrating. Alex wanted to leave.

“Everyone needs a mother, no matter how old.”

“Then where were you!” Alex snapped. Isobel held him in place and grounded him to reality. He took a deep breath to calm down. “Nothing you say will excuse what you did, don’t you get that? You chose a completely different life over your own children. You didn’t even try. That’s unforgivable.”

Alex watched as she closed her eyes and bowed her head. They sat in silence and, while it was probably only a few minutes, it dragged on for ages. It was too much. Alex hated it with a passion. He wanted to go home.

“I know that. I know I can’t make up for leaving you. But I would really like it more than anything if you could give me a chance to be a part of your life. Maybe not a mother figure, but just… A part of it,” Lily Manes, or whatever last name she held now, said. Alex simply looked at Isobel for permission. She gave him an encouraging smile that fueled him enough to look back at Lily.

“I’m not ready for that.”

They left the house shortly after, but they stood outside the house for an extra five minutes. Isobel pulled him into a smothering hug, a comforting hand on the back of his head as he held him close. If she noticed that a few tears slipped, she said nothing. She just waited until he was okay enough to drive.

“I’m proud of you,” she said as they got into the car, “That took guts.”

Alex looked at her, really looked at her. He felt more love for her at that moment than he had for his mother in years. She was family.

“Thank you.”

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