#priest x prince | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simpxxstan · 6 months

Text

double take

pairing: prince!joshua x f.reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut, childhood friends to lovers, arranged marriage au, royalty au

summary: some lovers are star-crossed. some are destined to rise from the ashes. and some lovers are bound together by duty, but lovers nevertheless. joshua hong thinks fate is too cruel, but little does he know, that there are stars moving to keep his destiny alive.

word count: 22.7k

rating: 18+ (mdni please!)

warning: there's a ton of angst. death of wonwoo, who is joshua's brother, in the past (not graphic), smut warnings: mentions of masturbation, vaginal penetration, nipple play. alcohol and heartbreak. wonwoo is gay. reader has some body image issues, some descriptions of a midsize body and insecurities related to that.

a/n: i poured my heart and soul into this. took me over two months to complete. i hope you enjoy this!

p.s. there are lyrics from ten songs in this fic. i hope you can find the songs! else, i can link them later if you can't find out or guess them. i'd recommend listening to them while reading their particular parts, really sets the mood.

알잖아 우리 사이엔 말보다 더 중요한 게 있잖아

“You know, there are more important things between us than words”

As soon as the doors open, everyone gasps in awe, looking at you with adoration, jealousy, and sentiment all at the same time. The numerous cameras flash, there are audible gasps spreading across the room, the Choir instantly starts playing the traditional music played at a wedding. The room is decked up in pink and white roses, your favourite, and there are beautiful lights decorating the entire room. The glistening white sparkles off the floor, the walls, the tiles and the decor. Your parents already have their eyes moist; your friends are smiling widely, as they stand with their bouquets ready as the bridesmaids. The entire room beams with the joy of the wedding of the century.

And yet, he, whose attention you seek, does not even flick an eyelash. His deer eyes remain curved upward in what you know is a fake smile of endearment, his lips pursed in a false look of affection. You know he does for the cameras, he knows you know it too. You feel he doesn’t really want to be here, he knows you feel it too. You hadn’t expected him to really want this, and yet your heart had hoped against hope. But he had not proved you wrong.

Prince Joshua wants to be anywhere but here.

Prince Joshua wants to be with anyone but you.

Prince Joshua wants to do anything but this farce.

The Choir starts a new song, indicating that it is time for you to step forward towards the altar, where the priest is waiting for you. Your to-be husband is waiting for you. As your heart aches, you make your way towards him, your eyes avoiding his at all costs, while his remain fixed on you. He’s searching for something. An equal apathy towards this wedding? An equal irritation towards the partner? Any hope that you’d call this event off right now and free him for the torture? Last night you had almost been tempted to do so, thinking that at least now he would not treat you as poorly as he had been treating you for the last five months. But you know too well, you cannot give him that satisfaction.

You’re too in your head through the rituals, hardly paying attention to what vows he makes, barely caring about the reactions of the audience, not even listening to the priest’s statements. You were spiralling, trying to avoid his gaze which was fixated on you.

Oh god, can we get over this fast?

“Do you, Joshua Hong Jisoo, take Kim Y/N as your duly wedded wife?”

Is this even a question? This interviewer in my dream gets dumber and dumber. Obviously, it’s a-

“Yes.”

You’re quickly snapped into focus when the answer makes you realise this is not a dream. The priest now asks you, “And do you, Kim Y/N, take Joshua Hong Jisoo as your duly wedded husband?”

This is the moment. You breathe in, breathe out. It’s a millisecond to disaster.

“Yes, I do.”

Joshua had not foreseen this moment five months ago when he had been called back to his country at midnight, after an emergency call from his mother. Brain dulled with grief, thoughts about you had definitely crossed his mind, but not in this way. He had only thought of how you must be coping up with the news, given that you had been next to Wonwoo when the accident had taken his life. He wondered, if it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his body for him, how much worse was it for you. On returning to the palace, he had seen your lifeless face, staring at the night sky, a look he had never seen on your otherwise bright face.

Living away from his family for the past 7 years meant he was not feeling the grief as actively as his parents and you, who had spent much more time with Wonwoo these few years. He knew he would have to comfort his family, but he had no idea how. How could one comfort a mother of the loss of her youngest son? How could one comfort a father from the death of the apple of his eye? How could one comfort a woman who had just lost her dearest best friend and fiance?

To any other royal offspring, these would seem the most worrisome responsibilities. However, to Joshua, who had willingly given up his throne to his younger brother, who, he was confident, would be able to rule much better, the thought of becoming the Crown Prince was the most daunting. When he had turned sixteen, his father had asked him whether he wanted to become the Crown Prince. Almost immediately he had said no, convincing him to let Wonwoo take the lead. At the age of nineteen, when Wonwoo had come of age to become the Crown Prince, Joshua had left for the States to continue his education. At the age of twenty-two, when he had returned to his homeland for a 6 months break, the longest since leaving for the States, he had realised how good his decision had been to let Wonwoo take over. Wonwoo had both skill and the youthful spirit the people of the kingdom needed. His calmer and smarter personality meant he could shoulder the responsibilities better than Joshua ever felt he could. Plus, Wonwoo was a crowd favourite, being the maknae of the Royal Family, and yet the smartest of the lot, as his parents and elder brother had tagged him affectionately.

The public had, of course, not taken Wonwoo’s death well. They had been incredibly supportive of Wonwoo becoming the Crown Prince over Joshua (their polls on social media had been another reason Joshua had left) but now it was just augmented as the general image for Joshua was that of the Prince who had Fled. Princes had to be strong, mentally and physically. Careful, enigmatic, and visionary, like Wonwoo. Not deer-eyed, delicate, and cowardly, like Joshua.

Why should we trust anyone who ran away from his duties of being the eldest, to rule us well?

Indeed, the modern Royal Family had stepped past the norms of age hierarchy, but the mathyung usually took up the reins of royal duty. Instead, Joshua had effectively fled from his duties, not just stepped down and aside. He had been away from his country for a solid 7 years, how would he ever know what the people needed? They strongly protested against Joshua becoming the Crown Prince now, but there were no other progeny left to take up the responsibility.

Needless to say, the entire country was mourning the loss of Wonwoo desperately, albeit for different reasons.

Joshua had soon realised that he had no time to grieve. As soon as the funeral was over, he had to get to work. But how would he survive in this earthquake shaking up his life?

The first step was getting up-to-date with everything that had happened in the country when he was away. Some of it, he knew. Learning the rest was not a tough task. After dropping out of the PhD program he was pursuing in the USA, he had ample free time in his hand to learn every new fact his advisors fed him.

The second step was understanding how royalty worked. Having stepped down from his duties as a teenager meant he had never received training per se. He had to relearn traditional etiquette he had forgotten, familiarise himself with the advisors and royal support system, and thoroughly practise his new duties.

The third step, of course, was making himself popular and loved among the public. The PR team had come up with a long list of actions he should consider to improve his public image. His parents had rejected many of them as unnecessary, and said, "There's only one thing to be done. Marry Y/N."

Joshua had looked at his own parents incredulously. How could they suggest such a step?

When you all were children, he had considered you nothing more than a playmate. An interesting woman, intelligent, witty and warm, a rare combination, he had realised, as he had made acquaintances with more and more people. Of course, you were always closer to Wonwoo. Joshua had known you would end up marrying each other. Everyone had already planned out your wedding with Wonwoo before you had even turned thirteen. Hence your engagement with the Crown Prince last year, had come as no shock to anyone.

Over the years he had come to consider you as a friend. One he met only during summer breaks, always by the side of his little brother. Lately, he had tried to think of you as a sister-in-law. It was funny that he hadn't thought of you as that sooner. He had anticipated the engagement anyway.

"I'm sorry, that's not a possibility I want to consider."

"Why?" Your father had asked you.

"She's my sister-in-law. My little brother's intended. This would be the worst way to take his place."

"Jisoo-"

"No. If you want me to marry someone, I'll be ready for whoever you choose fit. Just not Y/N."

And yet here he was. Swearing his wedding vows to you. Destiny had really done him dirty.

If you had thought the wedding was a trial, the wedding ball was like the guillotine. Under the attention of at least three million people and a million more cameras, your cheekbones ached from putting up the fake smile. Joshua was nearly always at your side, making small talk with the numerous people who had come to wish you congratulations, ranging from the common people to the elite crowds. His body was inexplicably close to yours, but never touching. You could smell his perfume, but never hear his breathing. You could see his smiles, but never feel the warmth.

You knew why he was marrying you. The country needed a royal leader who knew them and related with them. Joshua was a westernised man, who forgot to bow on most occasions, forgot to speak formally sometimes, forgot even the most difficult letters of the Hangul script sometimes. You were the perfect mix to satisfy that gap- the daughter of the royal counsel, not even the offspring of a royal clan, educated in Hangul history by your own choice, and a close friend of the Princes. You were well aware that your engagement with Wonwoo had been immensely popular- the result being that you had already become the official face and honorary member for many societies and organisations of the kingdom.

And now that Wonwoo was gone, but obviously, you had been requested by the King and the Queen to marry Joshua.

And you had taken it in your stride. It was another responsibility for you to fulfil towards your people, who you had become quite affectionate towards since becoming the Crown Prince's fiance; towards your parents, who had dreamt of you becoming Princess since you had developed a friendship with the young Prince; and towards Wonwoo, who you knew had wanted this match since your first Spring Dance, when both of you had guessed each other's secrets a little too accurately.

You knew Joshua would never love you. And frankly speaking, you hadn’t expected love in this kind of setup. Even when agreeing to marry Wonwoo, you had zero romantic feelings for him, only seeing him as your best friend. And when your best friend asks you to rule the kingdom at his side, to be his companion in the tough times, to be his closest person forever, how could you ever say no?

And so, you had agreed to this arrangement with Joshua. You had imagined that he would be equally practical as you, and see this as a familial duty he had to complete. You had imagined he would at least be courteous, friendly and civil with you.

But you were, oh, so wrong. He had been anything but civil with you these five odd months.

If the wedding had been disappointing, then the dance after the wedding was … just sad. As Joshua stepped closer to you, his aura radiating with the white suit he had donned for this day, he could feel your breath heavy on your face. Free from the burden of conversation (usually, ladies would keep pestering him with questions and sad, unsuccessful, forceful attempts at flirting with him). He remembered hearing from the dressmaker how you had fussed about each detail of the dress, but Joshua had no doubt, every version would’ve looked good on you. And all that fuss had definitely paid off: the sweetheart neckline showed off your collarbones beautifully. Your neck was empty save one diamond pendant (which the royal family had gifted to you on your eighteenth birthday, how sweet of you to wear this memory on this special day). There were tiny flowers in your hair, bright yellows against the dark brown. Then there were your cherry lips-

“Joshua.” He sees those lips mould themselves into his name first, and then hears them (light did travel faster than sound). “Hmm?” He whispers back, his voice gravelly from the fake laughs he had to laugh through the day. “I think I just… sprained my ankle.”

It doesn’t register in his mind at first.

A millisecond later, you’re suddenly tripping and wincing, and it hits him. His first instinct is to pick you up in his arms and take you away from the room, afraid that if you have to walk your injury may worsen. His second instinct is to signal to your aide from the corner of the huge hall. His third instinct is to drop the hand from your shoulder and call out loudly for help.

But he follows his first instinct. Picks you up, in the bridal style the audience had been waiting to see all day. There are swoons and gasps all around, but the most surprising reaction is from you. He half expects you to thrash him, or even screech out. But you only gasp and quickly start saying something, in a low tone that he can’t properly catch, so heavy- why’re you doing this- Joshua- put me down- I’m okay- just- ugh!- argh!- Joshua please. He tunes your voice out, breathy and desperate. He tunes out the noises in the hall. He tunes out his assistants and bodyguard stepping closer to you both, trying to understand the emergency. He just focuses on you.

Your mouth spelling out different words, your eyes widening in surprise, your cheeks becoming red with embarrassment. The way you keep protesting and yet your hands clutch his shoulders. The way your dress rides up to reveal the culprit ankle. The way your hair moves when he walks towards the door, and straight up the stairs, time passing painfully fast, and yet slow enough for him to truly feel close to you for the first time, on this day which is meant to be so special to both of you.

But when he reaches your room, he gently brings you down to the floor, your aide already by his side. “What has happened, Your Highness?” “Y/N seems to have sprained her ankle,” Joshua says as he leans you against the sofa, carefully stepping back, allowing your maids to gather around you like fireflies.

“I just… I don’t usually wear such high heels… I’m not used to them. So while I was dancing-” He can see your face flush, your eyes blinking rapidly, gulping after every word, and avoiding his eye. He almost smiles endearingly, at your little movements. But he dares not, lest you think he’s mocking you.

“You don’t have to explain Y/N. It’s natural. Jiyoung, please do not let the Royal Princess wear high heels again,” he addresses your aide.

“Can you speak to the guests? I’ll be down as soon as possible, Joshua.”

“Y/N, can you not fret? Come down when you can. And I’d honestly feel better if you didn’t come down, and instead took rest. It’s anyway been a long day for you.”

And he leaves the room, his long suit flowing behind him, as he puts on his best smile for the worried guests waiting downstairs, ignoring the immense urge to go back to your room, remove those bloody heels and take your delicate foot in his hands, to see exactly what was paining you.

To say that you were surprised would be an understatement. Uneasy. Skittish. Shocked. Your heart pounding in your chest. The absence of the warmth of his touch. The ghost of concern in his eyes when he had carried you through the hall.

Oh, how shameful.

As a woman of public presence, you had never cared about your image, nor your appearance. You knew the rumours about your weight, how your broad shoulders were just like Wonwoo, just like any man, how your hips looked like you’d given birth three times over, how you were utterly unfitting for the beauty standards of the kingdom. But you could care less about these statements- you simply had no time for beauty, and no value for looks.

And yet when Joshua had picked you up, quite effortlessly, if you may add, your heart had skipped a beat, your brain a neuron, and all you could think of was how embarrassing it was. How he must be regretting this grand gesture as soon as he realised just how heavy you were, how he was doing this all under public scrutiny just to keep the audience happy, how he must be feeling burdened with the thoughts of handling the party alone. Your guilt had just driven your embarrassment to greater heights, until you were speechless and unable to do anything. You had searched for any sign of discomfort, irritation, or regret on his face, but they had completely disappeared- in fact, those had been all the emotions you had seen in the last few months, but at that moment, Joshua seemed like a different man. Could it be… no. You wouldn’t let your foolish heart take flight again, like the thirteen year old you would have.

Sadly, Joshua was right. Your ankle felt better after the medic had checked it and given you a painkiller, but there was no escaping the dull lull of sleep clenching on to your eyes as soon as those awful shoes were off and the tight gown had been relaxed on your body to make you comfortable. It had truly been a long day, and your brain was on overdrive with all the overwhelming events of the day. Too many thoughts confusing you.

Will he be disappointed in me? I can’t consummate the marriage. Does he think I balked on him today? For all he knows, I might as well have feigned the injury to cling on to him like a desperate woman, or worse, run off from the party organised in our honour. Did he think I was pretty today? What will the public think about me now that I’ve run away from my own wedding party? Wedding… you’re married to Joshua Hong now… for good. But would he ever consider you his wife?

To avoid the thoughts from spiraling into worse demons, you let yourself fall into the easy trap of sleep.

ii.

당신이 그리워하는 것은 그대일까? (그대일까?)

아니면 미화된 기억 저편의 그때일까? (그대일까?)

“Is it you that you miss? (Is it you?)

Or is it that time on the other side of the glorified memory? (Is it you?)”

That night, Joshua Hong could think of no one but you. Tired, and yet, sleep eluded him. You had sent no word of feeling better, obviously annoyed that he had encroached upon your private space like that by picking you up- oh god, what had he been thinking- and he had felt too shy to visit you to take news about your well being. But oh, when he paced about in his room, all he could think of was how beautiful you had looked today. Although your eyes were sad, with the burden of the wedding, and your body weak, with the worry and tires of royal life, and your heart aching, with your best friend, and quite probably your lover, gone and replaced way too soon by an unwanted man… you were still just as beautiful as the first time he had met you.

That was what he dreamt of that night.

You were wearing a yellow skirt, which had twirled in the wind like a sunflower standing tall in a windy field. The day had been gloomy, but your presence had lit it up. He was all but fourteen years old, and you were just eleven. But just your smile had been enough to teach him what infatuation was.

And then, what jealousy was. When he saw you spend more time with Wonwoo, being closer in age to him and sharing more interests with him.

And then, what longing was. When all he saw of you were brief glimpses in the corridors as you would play hide and seek with his brother. When all he heard of you were hums of your laughter when you would beat Wonwoo in a video game, teaching him the tricks of winning battleship wars. When all he wanted was to speak to you, address this funny feeling in his chest whenever he saw you, but you never gave him a moment to continue the conversation from greetings. Always too eager to leave, always too shy to make eye contact.

But soon he had gotten over the crush- his puberty had settled in now, he was no longer troubled by rushed infatuations over younger girls. He had decided to focus on studies, having already made up his mind to abdicate the throne. He would meet you from time to time, generally accompanied by Wonwoo, as you were his best friend now, and sometimes by Mingyu, your twin brother and Wonwoo’s classmate.

You were also growing fast- into a more serious lady. Gone were the giggles, they were replaced by crescent-eyed grins and shy, mature smiles. Objectively, he found you very attractive. But your closeness with Wonwoo had made it obvious to him that your heart belonged to his younger brother, and gently he had started seeing you as a friend. It was a status he was happy with for he knew you were the best for Wonwoo. And he had himself moved on. Once he had blossomed into adolescence, there was no end of women and men waiting for him to give them some attention. Although he hadn't given up on true love, a couple of one-night adventures would harm none. Especially when he was in the States. No one to stop him, no one to shit-talk about him. A stone gathering no moss, wary of a fire to melt the core.

Until he had returned and seen you.

It was well past midday when you woke up. You felt really refreshed, and were on the verge of breaking into a happy mood, when you realise exactly what day it was.

The morning after your wedding. Your wedding day. Gosh. All the memories of last evening came flooding by, and you put your hands to your face in embarrassment.

“Y/N-ah!” followed by a loud thumping.

You hear your twin brother, Mingyu’s voice from the other side of the doors, probably waiting for you to wake up and respond, or break down the door himself. So you call back, “Yeah, I’m awake!” The door opens swiftly, and your giant brother walks in with the weirdest look on his face. It’s a mix of worry, happiness, pride, and teasing. You can read him like a book, ugh.

“About time, my loveliest sister. Everyone’s looking for you. Quite the drama you can stir up huh? Who knew you had it in you?” He sits by you, and smiles fondly, knowing very well how his words are burning you. “I know, I’m sorry for the mess.” He reaches out, holding your arm as you sit up in bed. “Hey, there’s no need to be sorry. How are you feeling?”

“Hmm, better I think. Let me try and move my leg.” And you gently kick him, taking him by surprise as he falls out of the bed. You laugh even harder at the look on his face. “Yaah! Aren’t you supposed to be injured?!” “It must not be serious, I can actually move it well now. Should I practice once more?” “Yaaah, Kim Y/N! If you’re going to take advantage of being the royal princess by KICKING ME, I’m going to take you to court!” “Now aren’t you taking advantage of being the royal counsel?” And you both are laughing fondly. It’s truly been a moment since you last sat with Mingyu, carefree like this. You only realise now how heavy the burden of the wedding was.

But it’s certainly not the end of the burden. This is going to go on for a long time now. Forever, if you’re fortunate.

A small face peeks at the open door, and you instinctively wrap the blanket around your body to hide yourself. It’s been a shy habit since childhood, avoidance and displeasure in sudden interactions, but when you see the face belongs to your fian- husband, Joshua, you nod at him, asking him to come in. And he looks as immaculate as ever. Hair brushed back, your wedding ring on his finger, his dapper brooch shining against the black suit he’s wearing. Mingyu breaks the ice, “And why are you so dressed up early in the morning, Hyung?” “Simply because he can,” you whisper to him, and you both giggle. Your faces are mirror images of each other, when you realise Joshua couldn’t hear what you had whispered and hence had a puzzled look in his eyes. “I- I’ve a meeting with the council in, like, 15 minutes. And it’s not early in the morning. It’s already noon.” “Noon is a fine time to be in bedclothes, Hyung, in case you didn’t know,” and Mingyu waves a goodbye to you as he leaves you both alone, winking at the other man in the room.

And then there’s a silence.

It’s not even a pause. It’s like a semibreve rest, which is stretched bar onto bar using more tied rests.

And then there’s a disharmonious note clanging through the silence.

“How’s your leg?”

“Hmmm, better. Thank you.”

“Huh? Thanking me for what?”

You chuckle. “For asking, I guess. But I mean, more generally. Thanks for letting me rest yesterday and handle the event.”

“Yeah I couldn’t let your injury worsen, could I? That wouldn’t be very… husband-like of me.” He makes brief eye contact when saying the h-word, but breaks it immediately, frisking about in the room. You bite your lip. It’s exactly like you thought. He had done it for the cameras.

“Is there anything else…”

“Oh yeah. Just - no rush, obviously,” he explains in the warmest tone ever, his eyes wide, “But the council is asking me about coronation dates.”

“Coronation?”

“Yeah, as the Royal Prince and the Princess.”

“Oh.”

“I understand it’s too soon since Wonwoo-”

“No it’s okay. We should get it over with. Whenever the council suggests, I’m cool with it.”

“Okay then.”

“Umm, also Joshua?”

“Yeah, Y/N?”

Can you give me a peck on my forehead?

“Can there be a way to make up to you for the hassle you bore for me last evening? I’m really embarrassed and ashamed.”

He smiles, so smug and aware of how nervous you are. “No, Y/N. I didn’t do a favour on you. It was what my- my brain asked me to do.”

And he leaves, almost immediately, without giving you a chance to breathe out his scent that lingers so longingly in the room.

iii.

“You're my paradise, my own paradise

Everytime I look into those angel eyes”

You clearly remembered your first day of middle school. You had joined a new school, an elite school by all means. Your classmates were all nobility and you felt out of place among such crowds, considering how your mother had only recently been promoted to the position of the assistant to the royal counsel. But a stroke of luck ensured that your first day in the new school went off better than you could have ever dreamt of. Because you had met Jeon Wonwoo, the maknae prince, and he was the boy assigned to sit on the bench alongside yours. And although you were too shy to speak to him, he had extended the hand of friendship by lending you a pencil in the second class of the day.

And then sharing your lunch with you. You two were the only ones sitting alone in the canteen, while the rest had all begun mingling in groups. You had asked if he was unwell. He had said that this wasn’t uncommon, he preferred to eat alone. You had joked about the girls who were sending him looks from the other table and were giggling endlessly. He had smirked, saying he knew it already. You were scandalised, how could he ignore them and let them suffer in this illusion? He smiled, saying he enjoyed the attention. You had asked why he didn’t initiate any conversation with them or even friendzone them. He had simply said, they’re too silly for my time. I can’t talk about nails and hair and dresses. I don’t even know the difference between light purple and dark purple, for god’s sake. And you had laughed out loud, finding your first common dislike for pick-me teenage girls whose conversations centered about appearances and crushes.

That was the first of your many common dislikes, to be honest. And that was how you had become the best of friends, since then.

Wonwoo had been by your side throughout, as had you been for him. And although everyone thought your relationship was more than friendship, you both knew very well that you were the best of friends and nothing more, without any regrets or disappointments. For Wonwoo had been, surprisingly, madly, crazily in love with your twin brother, Mingyu.

You knew Mingyu was oblivious as hell. You also knew that Wonwoo preferred it to remain that way, finding security in secrecy. Even you had found out by accident, but of course how did he think he could ever hide it from you.

You had gotten drunk for the first time at the age of sixteen, the night when his father had informed him that he had to start training for becoming the Crown Prince. “Y/N, I’m already tired of this.” “Hmm, I guess I do understand why your brother stepped out.” “I know right! The responsibility far outweighs any privileges that I can get!”

You had laughed at his indignant words, “Yaah, what else do you want?” “Y/N-ah, are material pleasures the only thing one can desire?” “It's what most people desire, Wonwoo. There are very few other things that can make a human happy.” “Such as?” “Love. Family. Friendship,” and you had squeezed his warm hand, showing that you were there for him. “I already have most of that.” “And you’ll find love as well.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“I have. For a long time now.”

You thought you’d become sober with the kind of shock this information sent to your brain. You jumped up in excitement, and squealed, “Who?!” He had smiled widely at your excitement, pushing up his glasses.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Ayy. Don’t be shy now.” “Nope. You cannot-” “Wonwoo!!!!! Don’t be such a spoilsport! I’ll kick your ass if you don’t tell me. We had sworn, no secrets!” He smirked, “Yes of course! The day I discovered your diary entries about hyung-” “Shh! Enough of me!” “Why are you embarrassed now?” “Because that was so long in the past. But your love- it’s in the present. We have to cultivate it.” “Jeez, Y/N. It’s not a crop.” “It is, you dimwit. Now tell me,” you shook his shoulders, borderline violent with curiosity.

But then there was a change in mood. Wonwoo began biting his lower lip, a telltale sign of embarrassment. “You don’t have to worry, hey. I’m your best friend. I’m never going to tell a soul. Not even my brother!”

He had stared at you as if you had said something wrong.

“How do you know?”

“Huh?”

It took three seconds for you to join the dots. But of course! How could you be so blind!

“You like Mingyu?”

Wonwoo’s face swelled up in bright red, he turned his entire body away from you. Finding his reaction endearing, you hugged him from the back. “Hey. It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed.”

He still didn’t turn back. “I- I like a boy.”

“Wonwoo! That’s hardly something to be embarrassed about.”

“I can never tell my parents. Hell, I can’t even tell Mingyu. He’s straight as fuck.” You could hear his breath getting labored in his agitation. He swiftly turned around and clasped your hands. “Y/N. Promise me you’ll never tell him. Please.”

And you had promised him. With complete sincerity.

You have seen Mingyu cry plenty of times. When a dog had scratched his knee (he had only tried to play with it). When he had lost his passport (but found it again three minutes later). When you had slapped him for breaking your guitar (you had torn the love letters he had received on Valentine’s Day for he was acting too smug about them).

But today, there are no tears in his eyes, when he prays for Wonwoo at his funeral. Just a blank face and lifeless eyes, which you know to be hiding so much. Wonwoo’s death had affected Mingyu a lot, albeit not as much as you, but Wonwoo had still been the closest he had to a friend of his own age, when he had been introduced into the world of nobility just like you. Since then, you had seen Mingyu become distracted, drinking alone in the house after midnight, avoiding any gatherings, and delved deep into his work. And today, even when the world perceives him as unaffected and heartless, you know just how broken he feels, by the paleness in his eyes and the weak shaking of his fingers.

On your other side is Joshua. He, like Mingyu, is also stoic, but you can hear his muffled sniffles. He’s softer than both Mingyu and Wonwoo, and you’re surprised he can hold back his grief. But you guess he has to, considering his completely broken down parents standing in front of him. They seem to lose all control over their feelings as they cry and pray for their son’s peaceful afterlife.

You’re also crying. Joshua knows you are, and he’s looking at you more than once in a minute. One time, you look back at him, and he immediately puts his hand in yours. You don’t question the sudden gesture of affection, you don’t care enough about it. All you care about is the illusion your heart keeps feeding your brain that you’re not alone even if Wonwoo’s gone. You hold on Joshua’s pinky finger for dear life, and let the tears roll down your cheeks, whispering mumbled prayers as the priests keep on talking.

“It’s so nice to see you after years.” Joshua smiles at your words, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he drinks in the warmth of your presence. It feels so good to be around familiar people in this now unfamiliar world, where everyone seemed to be accusing him for something or the other.

“Likewise, Y/N. How are you holding up?” He is indicating to your life after Wonwoo’s passing away. “Just about. Your parents want me to go to therapy,” you chuckle, but he thinks his parents aren’t saying the wrong thing. “You should, though. You were his literal best friend and fiance. If anyone needs support, it's you.” “It’s okay. If I really felt that weak, I would’ve taken the support, trust me. But I don’t. I don’t know… maybe because it’s Wonwoo? I feel like… even if he’s not with me, he’ll always be with me.” “Yeah, he does have that, doesn’t he? The little hand on your back all the time. It feels like that to me too.” “Then you understand.”

And there had been silence. Until you had addressed the elephant in the room.

“I’ve accepted the King’s proposal. I think it’s only fair for him to request me to marry you.”

He stumbles, trips and almost falls. Then he pauses on the walk, and looks at you. “Y/N. I think he’s being cruel, and you can honestly tell me if you feel so too. You don’t have to worry about your brother’s position-”

“Oh no!” You smile, a weak smile that doesn’t reach your cheekbones. “I don’t worry about Mingyu. I know he’ll survive in the system even if I’m kicked out. I was anyway thinking it’s high time I got kicked out, though. I have no use here anyway. I guess being your wife can be the only reason I stay in.”

You say the words so casually, his fingers burn with electricity. He can’t fathom why you’re so relaxed about it. But you read his mind, “Joshua. I’ve never really… looked for love. So it’s okay if this marriage is loveless. But I do care about Wonwoo. Sorry… did care about Wonwoo. And I think he would want me to support you in any way I can to help you settle down in this new responsibility that’s been dumped on you.”

“Y/N. Please, you don’t have to be so understanding.”

“Joshua, all I’m saying is that I’m okay with whatever arrangement this becomes. If you have qualms, I totally get that. You may not be ready for marriage- or,” he notices the slight change in pitch, “you may like someone else. If that is the case, you can tell me honestly and I’ll step back. I’m not a golddigger,” you laugh, quite sarcastic and bitter though.

“Y/N, are you sure about this?”

“I am.”

“I’m not, but I’m willing to do it.”

And then you extend your hand to him, and he doesn’t know what to do. Are you asking him to hold your pretty fingers? Or admire the gold bracelet adorning your lithe wrist? Or-

“God, Joshua. You won’t even shake hands with me?”

He doesn’t know why his heart falls. He shakes hands with you, and laughs about his error, before you divert the topic into other matters. He’s so unfocused, mind going back to how soft your hand had felt in yours.

Your hand feels rougher. Almost as if it’s been burnt at the edges. You have been burnt, though, Joshua thinks, as he looks at your eyes, glimmering with tears shed and unshed, your parted lips, bursting with words said and unsaid, and your face pale with sadness.

To keep himself distracted, he thinks about why your hand feels more rough. Hurt by the worries of the royal family you’ve been forced in? Uncared for in this palace which is not your home? Calloused with the scars of this burdensome relationship? He doesn’t know why there’s an increasing urge in his heart to try and change all of that, all to see you smile widely again. But it’s too daunting of a task, and Joshua is a coward.

Days pass by quickly. Before you realise, you’ve been married for a month and you’re making your first public presence since that disastrous evening of your wedding. Public presence as a couple. It’s at a conference with leaders of neighbouring countries, where Joshua is expected to speak politics and economics and you’re expected to socialise with the women. But that’s hardly what happens.

In preparation for this event, you two had met a couple of times in the last week. Your schedules never clashed, so you hardly met each other, but this time, you had made time to meet him.

“Joshua, I’m not going to that conference to be a flower vase decorating you.”

He had been in the middle of a serious conversation with his secretary, but he signalled everyone out of the room as soon as he realised your mood was off after receiving the invitation to the conference. “No, you’re the Princess. You’re not going to be decorating me.” “I hope so. Joshua, I don’t mingle in your public affairs much, and I stick to the duties I’ve taken up, but I don’t want to be a trophy you carry around. I’m not fit for a trophy anyway-” he coughs, but you continue, “but most importantly, I’m a human with a brain. I need to be able to speak if I feel I want to speak.”

“And you shall. What’s gotten you so worked up?”

You falter for a second, not expecting him to yield so easily. You had expected him to put up a bit of a tantrum, exercising his authority as a Prince, but he seemed genuinely confused with your outburst.

“I don’t know… nothing, I guess. It’s just that. Historically, our royal ladies haven’t spoken at public forums too much. I don’t want to be like that.”

“I don’t think you could ever be like that, Y/N. Even if God had pledged you to be so. You’re too intelligent to stay shut.”

He leans on his desk, and you take in a breath to see him. He’s looking marvellous. Although it’s late at night and you’re already exhausted and in your pyjamas, he seems to be still working, wearing semi-formal slacks and a shirt. Your breath hitches at the rolled up sleeves of his shirt, but he interrupts your thoughts.

“I’ve actually been meaning to speak to you for a while.”

“About?”

“About… this. Like…” you can sense his hesitation, and you drop the arms you had folded to make him feel more relaxed.

“The PR team is asking me to hold your hand… or things like that when we’re in public. To show we’re a newly wedded couple in love.”

“I’m sure the entire world knows that we’re not in love. I’m not some despo who’s in love with Wonwoo one day, and the next day, in love with you.” You almost miss the little wince he makes when you complete your sentence. “But if they ask us to be affectionate, I suppose we-”

“No. I don’t think either of us would be comfortable with it.”

“You’re right. I think holding hands would be the maximum we can go to.” Your voice is steeling up, your heart frozen. He nods in agreement. You say, “Goodnight then, Joshua. Sleep early. You look tired, I’ll ask them to get you some tea?”

“Coffee?” he whines, almost making you smile. “No, tea.” And you leave the room without further words.

Joshua can’t, in fact, wait for the day of the conference. He’s been trying to find excuses to meet you, see you, and talk to you, but he can’t bring himself to do it. It’s just like it used to be back then, seeing you in the corridors, sometimes in the gardens, meeting each other only once in a week. It seems nothing like a marriage to him, but it certainly feels more intimate than anything he’s ever done. Any sex he’s had. Any relationship he’s had. Anything. Because his face burns up simply from your presence in his vicinity. His heart pumps when you call out his name. His fingers tremble after any accidental touch between the two of you. It’s foolish, giddy, and distracting. It’s a crush, he thinks. It feels just like he was fourteen, and he would have feverish dreams of playing with your hair, wondering what you smelled like, wishing to hug you and feel your soft curves melt into him. He knows you’re an adult now, and yet the sensations in his heart are so soft and innocent that he’s taken aback himself.

But all of that changes when he sees you in the black dress you’ve donned for the evening, as he comes to your room to ask if you’re ready to leave. You’re wearing pearls, matching the thin pearl necklace he has worn, and your wedding ring shines on your fingers. He wonders how you look just like paradise without any makeup or any fakeness.

Shit. He has to spend the entire evening with you. He’s doomed.

If anyone thinks they’re doomed, it’s you. You think about it when Joshua walks into your chambers wearing a black turtleneck under a charcoal grey suit, and you wonder why you’ve not burnt up in flames yet. His outfit is so contrasting to his smile, which lilts into his beautiful deer eyes that you so loved to dream about as a teen. His bangs are off his forehead, and when he speaks you notice his lips more than what he’s actually saying.

It doesn’t help that you both sit in the backseat, quite close to each other, on the ride to the venue.

It doesn’t help when you hear him rolling out words in English, in the sexiest accent you have ever heard.

It doesn’t help when he walks up on stage as the Guest of Honour to deliver his speech, looking like the man of the moment, and you can’t help the feeling of giddy pride bubbling into you. Maybe it’s the champagne. Maybe it’s you scorning the ladies ogling his beautiful figure on stage (he’s your husband, you think, not theirs). Maybe it’s you simply proud that he’s getting the attention he deserves.

He’s finishing his speech, partly in English, partly in Korean. You can see the media personnel immediately raise their hands for questions. And then you feel your blood boil as each question pours in one-by-one.

“Why does your country still have a monarchy in place? Don’t you think the lack of a democratic system is unfair to your people?”

“What steps are you taking to fill in the gap left behind by your younger brother, especially when you’re unfamiliar with your people now?”

“Do you plan on making Korea the next America? What will you do as the modern leader of the kingdom?”

They’re so intrusive, but Joshua has the sweetest and most patient smile on his face. “I’ll take your questions one by one, thank you.”

“Firstly, I think that there needs to be a clear understanding of what our governance looks like. We’ve held on to traditions and kept the monarchy intact, but what has become quite obvious, honestly, is that our government is not ruled by the king, but by what the people say. That is because all councils are elected into power, all the members of the governing body apart from the royal family are representatives of the people.”

Someone has the audacity to interrupt him, “But your country has the highest proportion of rich nobility controlling so many resources-”

“Please do not break me off mid-sentence. I’ll be patient and hear what you all have to say. That’s why I’m here, ain’t I?” That earns a soft laugh from the audience and shuts up the reporter.

“I understand your concerns, but the statistics are incorrect. Every economy, every nation has a few members of the society who are powerful and have control over resources. It’s quite an open secret. Due to our transparency you know who they are in our country. In other countries, it’s quite often disguised in the form of benevolent capitalists and social change mongering politicians.” Another laugh from the audience. His sarcasm doesn’t go unappreciated.

“But yes, it’s necessary to modernise Korea. I’ll simply be following in the footsteps of my younger brother, who understood the country so well. Apart from his contributions, I have so many programs lined up too. You’ll see them unfurling soon, I request you to be patient enough and allow me to find my footing. Anyway, I have my elected representatives and council members to help me in every step, and my wife’s opinions to guide my thoughts.” He pauses, and suddenly, you feel a blush rising up your cheeks as you feel the spotlight has shifted towards you. But your eyes are still on him, as he smiles the most dazzling smile, and you’re blinded.

With the smile of course, not by the sudden adoration you feel surging in your heart.

His wife. It’s not real, your brain overrides any silly loops of emotions your heart is riding in. It’s all for the show. Oh, but it feels so real. It feels so good. It’s all for the cameras.

And then there is applause and the spotlights are out, and you’re back to reality. You bite your lip to hold back the tears.

iv.

한편의 명작, 하나의 실루엣

우리의 그림은 익어가 빨갛게

“One masterpiece, one silhouette

Our paintings are ripe and red”

Joshua Hong feels dirty and disgusted. He has been nothing but a pervert this past week, and he has no one except himself to blame for it. He wants to flip over and die and repeat that for a million times, but nothing can stop the thoughts that wander into his brain every night, after he finally finishes work. Thoughts in the shower. Thoughts while walking in the gardens. Thoughts while eating ice cream as a late night snack. Thoughts while lying down in his bed.

Thoughts about you.

He wanted to avoid them, he really did. He knew you didn’t want him. Not in that way, certainly. You had made that clear to him, ample number of times. And yet, he found himself wanting you. Was it the lack of sex and increased stress these last six months? Or was it that night in the conference that had triggered it all off?

That night, when he said it aloud for the first time you were his wife. He felt so proud, looking at you from the stage, as you sat so elegantly, so much more beautiful than any other woman in the room, hell, more beautiful than any other woman he had met. That night, something had changed, he felt, or maybe it was a figment of his imagination. He had felt you grazing his arms with your fingers more often, on the excuse of calling his attention. He had felt you staring at him for seconds longer than usual. He had felt you speaking to him more comfortably all evening. And he had felt like a teenage boy, almost like taking out his crush to his first prom. He had been so excited to fill up your plate with food during dinner, and had loved it when you had conversed with all the dignitaries at the conference, using the smartest and most technical terms ever. He could’ve honestly, orgasmed right there.

And that had really triggered something off in him. That night, he had put his hands between his legs for the first time in months, and jerked himself off in his shower, thinking of your voice, your little movements and your incredible smartness. It wasn’t even physical, it was metaphysical, as he explained to himself the next morning, when the guilt hit him hard. It was a one-time thing, it won’t happen again, he had reasoned.

But god, even the heavens didn’t want him to keep his promise.

The next morning, he was called to your room on an ‘emergency’. Turned out, it was a new plan for the dams that you had thought up that night. And you had opted to explain that technology to him wearing a night suit that left nothing to his imagination. Just one thin strap had to slip off and his dirty curiosity would be satisfied forever. Jeez, Joshua Hong. Get a grip on yourself. This is your brother’s lover, she doesn’t even like you back.

But could any rational thought help him when all he could do was stare at your smooth arms and neck, revealed perfectly by the spaghetti tank top, and your thighs which were so beautiful he could-

“Joshua. Are you awake enough to even listen to me?”

God, what was that tone? Were you scolding him? For thinking illegal things about you? Yeah, you should, he thought with a swipe of his tongue over his parched lips, as he stared into your eyes, hidden behind a pair of steel-rimmed glasses. God, you were so beautiful, he was a mess.

“Yeah, I am listening. You can just give me the plans alternatively, and at the next council meeting, I’ll let you know and you can come over and discuss it with everyone.”

Your chest heaved, out of breath with all the explanation you had dished out, and it was a sight for Joshua’s sore eyes.

“Okay,” you mumbled, continuing about how you were sceptical about the idea but-

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”

And he had rushed out of the room before you spotted the revival of his morning wood straining through his cotton pants.

You’re determined to make yourself more involved in the governance work, and this means spending more time in close quarters with Joshua. And even though you’re trying your best (you really are), sometimes you can’t help but steal a glance at his chiselled jawline, gaze too long at his beautiful eyes, and wish that his fingers were wrapped around your neck- shit, that was too much. But it’s been over a year that you’ve received any kind of sexual attention (the last being from a friend of Mingyu’s at his birthday party, before your engagement with Wonwoo had been made public), and let’s be fair, it’s really hard to dodge the bullets Joshua Hong, unknowingly, keeps aiming at you. Because, fuck, your brain had been all messed up and you had begun stammering when he had met you during your long late night walk in the orchid garden.

“Fancy seeing you here.” That was the first sentence he had said to you that week, and you weren’t in a mood to speak to him, to be honest. Your period was due soon, and you had hoped the fresh air would cure the cramps.

“My room was too stuffy.”

“Do you want me to shift your room-”

“No! There’s no need for that.”

“I mean, you could always come and stay with me. I’ll arrange for the bedroom adjacent to mine being opened and connected with mine. At least that’ll stop the tattletales in the kitchen about us sleeping apart even though the King and Queen still sleep together.”

He was right. The gossip was getting on your nerves now. It must be because she’s so darn gross and ugly, they said. It must be because Prince Joshua has met sexier women when he was abroad. It must be because she’s a brat and runs her mouth too much. It must be because she had jumped on Joshua once the other Prince had died, but Joshua can’t take her weight, haha.

And you had tried, you really had. Gone on a diet, lost three kilograms, and focused more on the remnants of teenage acne on your cheeks. You, who had never given a damn about appearances, were now trying to please- who, exactly? The public? The press? Or was it all to get a reaction out of your husband?

One night, you cave into the weakness. You find comfort in your fingers fondling with your nipples, gasps escaping from your lips as you lie in the dark, under your heavy blankets, imagining Joshua’s pillowy lips on your neck. It gives you shivers, and you’re thankful for the warm blanket.

But as soon as the shot of pleasure shoots through your veins, his words that you had overheard come to your mind.

It was the day after your first conversation with him, confirming your willingness to enter the marriage. Joshua was drinking with Mingyu in the house you shared with your brother after the death of your parents. You had no idea you’d find the Prince in your house when you returned from the market, bag full of groceries and skirt dirty from the mud in the roods after the rain.

“Hyung, if you don’t want to marry her, you can just tell your parents.”

“Do you think they’ll listen to me, Mingyu-ah?” he had scoffed.

“They’ve always been pretty liberal. Letting Wonwoo break the hierarchy has probably been the most controversial decisions of all time, but they were strong enough to take the call. I’m sure if you explain that you don’t want to-”

“Mingyu, it’s not about want or not. I cannot marry her. It is beyond my moral capacity. I really… ugh, it’s so twisted.”

“Maybe it’s not. Maybe you’re just thinking like this because you don’t know her well enough.”

“I do. I know her enough to know I cannot get myself into this marriage. It’ll be the worst decision of my life, I know I’m going to regret it.”

And the euphoria of pleasure dies as soon as it had begun, leaving you empty, both emotionally and physically. You thrash yourself for becoming that stupid teenage Y/N again, crying for a man who you would never get. Joshua would never love you, no matter how much you wanted him to. Maybe you just didn’t deserve him.

The next few days were absolute torture for Joshua. He knew exactly how you felt towards him, in fact you reminded him of it every second, and yet he could not keep his eyes off you. His stupid puberty crush had been reawakened, and somehow, he felt like he was younger when he was around you. Maybe because he trusted you to take burdens off his shoulder when you showed up to council meetings and convinced the balding, middle-aged men (who only stared at your legs and sighed at every novel idea you presented) to let you take over projects which you felt passionate about. A new legal bill for safety for women in workplaces. New schemes to reduce the drop-out rate in colleges. Revamping incentives to ensure the needy families do not prioritise employment over education for their children.

And he would bask in your warmth. Sometimes it felt like you were the light at the end of his tunnel- when he would be tired after nights of staying awake, worrying about projects or silly politics, you’d turn up, smelling of lavender, wearing your lace night suits and carrying pots of lemongrass tea with you. You were a dream, a mist in the spring, and he was chasing the happiness he felt in your presence.

Seeing the two of you spend more time together meant his parents were happier than ever and they began inviting you to dinners with them.

“Y/N, you ready?”

You open the door to your bedchamber, simply dressed in a white shirt and blue flared jeans that did nothing to hide your tempting ass that Joshua kept wanting to get his fingers on. “Yeah. Not wearing anything fancy, I don’t need to fool them about my looks at least.”

“Fool them about looks, what are you saying?” He asks you softly as you both make your way through the long winding corridors.

“Oh nothing.” He catches on to your disappointed voice, how you move an inch away from him after this statement.

“Y/N-” “Don’t you read the papers, Joshua? I know you don’t have time for society gossip but I’m sure you know what they’re saying.”

Shit. He really doesn’t know. He stops walking and looks at you dumbfounded.

“What are they saying, Y/N?” Please let it not be what I’m thinking it is.

“Never mind Josh.” Josh? When did you start calling him Josh? Not that he’d ever mind.

“I want to know.” He steps in front of you, blocking your way. He can see your pupils dilate and then relax, your beautiful lips part gently to take in air, all while there are clouds in your face.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Joshua. It’s embarrassing already to know they say all that, it’s even worse to be complaining to you about-”

“You’re not complaining. You’re my wife, you can share your concerns with me.” I want you to share yourself with me, please.

You bite your lower lip, and continue after hesitating, “I don’t know- I know I’m not perfect and I’ve never wanted to look like a celebrity or a model or whatever, and I also know I don’t have the same kind of good looks that Mingyu was blessed with, and I know I’m not size zero and-”

He steps in and kisses you.

And steps back almost immediately.

God knows why he did it, but he doesn’t have time to regret it in spite of the shocked expression on your face. “Y/N. You’re so beautiful. I don’t even have enough words to describe how beautiful you are. And I’m not saying this just for the sake of it. I’ve always thought you’re simply perfect.”

It seems you’re still out of breath from the kiss. He is too, he just wants to appear composed in front of you while breaking down inside from the fear of you not wanting it as much as he did.

“Y/N. I don’t care what the media says. And I know you’re not one to care about that bullshit either. I want you to know that those who matter to you, love you, for just who you are. We wouldn’t change a thing.”

And he steps away and continues walking ahead, at a slower pace. You start walking a few seconds later, and finally his own heartbeat stops pumping in his ear like a ticking time bomb.

You cannot focus on dinner after that. It’s not humanly possible, you think, as you steal gazes at your husband across the table as he laughs with his parents over silly dad jokes he’s been cracking all evening. His mood has relatively improved in the last few weeks, and now you actually enjoy his company a lot. Just like when you were younger and you looked up to him with starry eyes, in awe of how he knew so much more than you in spite of being just three years older.

But you’re dying inside. Your stomach is churning, your skin perspiring and a sheen of sweat on your forehead makes your mother-in-law ask you in concern, “Y/N dear, I’ve never seen you pick at your food like this. Are you not hungry?”

You panic and reply, “Umm, no I’m just on a little diet,” and you cover up with a fake smile, avoiding Joshua’s eyes so that you miss out on the furrowing of his eyebrows at the mention of diet. He asks you, not allowing you to escape, “Why are you on this diet? Are you trying to lose weight?”

“Yes.” It’s true, you have been trying to lose weight. You’ve stopped liking how you look in the many public photographs that get clicked of you nowadays.

“Why?”

And all of a sudden, there’s a palpable tension in the room. The mood is dead serious and you know Joshua is angry.

Why is he fucking angry? Does he not want you to go on a diet? Is this continuing from what he said earlier- oh god, forget about the kiss Y/N!

“I just… I want to become fitter. I’m thinking of restarting swimming. You remember how I used to swim a lot earlier?” you casually ask him, not expecting him to almost choke. “Yeah I do… it’s a good idea. It’ll help you get rid of stress also.”

Your parents-in-law say something in enthusiastic agreement, but all you can focus on is how good Joshua Hong looks with his hair slicked back, his plain green sweater hanging loose on his shoulders, and how he’s looking at you like he wants to kiss you again. Not that he would actually want that, though. More likely, he’s looking at you to erase that memory of the kiss.

The Crown Prince of Korea is seconds away from a heart attack and the reason is his wife. He can’t get the kiss out of his head- he’d be lying to himself if he said that he hasn’t been thinking of this for months now. He realises just how futile his attempts of thinking of you only and only as Wonwoo’s lover and his sister-in-law have been, when he thinks of just how long he’s longed to feel his lips on yours. Months? Hell, it must’ve been years. When his first choice of his plus-one to his first prom night had been you, but then the teacher said he couldn’t invite someone three years younger to him. When you had showed up at his farewell party before he left for the States, your hair much longer then, your eyes even prettier under those nerd glasses. When he had seen your selfies with Wonwoo while he was abroad, and an inch of him had wished he could share his new life with you instead of the girls who flocked around him.

But you’re avoiding eye contact like the plague. And he knows it must have been the foolish step on his end to kiss you. So old, and yet no control on his fucking hormones? And yet, how could he, when you continued to talk utter rubbish about the stupid comments about your looks that had been rioting on social media, but he found you just as perfect as the woman he had always dreamt of?

Josh.

A pet name? He mused, as he chewed the steak slowly, savouring it along his tongue. He had tried to make the night lively, bringing up topics he knew you’d want to talk about, but he had failed. Your mood was perhaps permanently damaged now, in spite of whatever uphill improvements he had made in the last month.

But what was marriage if not a labour of love?

Love? Joshua Hong had once been in love with you, for a short time, but now he was not. He knew he was not because he knew it would be unreciprocated. It would be spat upon and crushed with the heels of your shoes and Joshua Hong was a coward. He would never be brave like Mingyu, who was always too courageous for his good, especially after too many drinks. He would never be as determined as Wonwoo, who would turn everything he touched to gold simply with hard work and focus. He would forever be content in the shadows, watching you from aside, waiting for you to look at him with the same want his heart was burning with.

But how long? The ache in his heart had become a familiar friend over these nights. The wish to walk twenty metres and reach your room in lonely midnight hours, and touch your skin with his lips until it cured his insomnia. The wish to see you smile at him without the burden of royal obligations, with genuine care. The wish to hold your hand when you sat together at council meetings, right next to each other, and yet so far apart. How long could he suppress these wishes?

Oh, but he had to. Otherwise he would make mistakes. More mistakes he couldn’t afford to make, such as the mistake of kissing you tonight. There were more mistakes his fingers itched to make, such as brushing his hand on yours across the table when your hand accidentally grabbed his glass of wine instead of your own, such as touching your feet with his own under the table to show you how much he wanted you, such as claiming an emergency and leaving with you right now to beg of you to love him back and let him be yours.

When your plate is clean, and your wine glass empty and you sit back on your chair, a contented look on your face, he wants to kiss you again because it feels like a date. It makes him want to take you on a date. It makes him want to court you and woo you and win your heart as he had originally planned at the age of fourteen.

But even if he had started early, would he ever be able to win your heart? He was simply not good enough for you. Wonwoo had been your perfect fit- both in wit and in warmth. And Joshua, alas, was not. Would never be.

“I'm looking at you, I can't take my eyes off

I don't know what I feel but it's feeling illegal”

“I know there’ll be a time zone difference, but if I call you late at night please pick up because it’ll be urgent.” Otherwise I won’t call you, you felt that the unsaid was quite well implied. You nod. “You eat and sleep well. Don’t get too stressed,” you mumble out, and wave Joshua goodbye as he walks away from you, a cup of coffee in his right hand and his blazer on his left. There’s some international meeting he has to attend, and although the King and Queen had asked you many times to accompany him, you knew it was best to not impose yourself in unwanted spaces. You had given the excuse of spending a few days with your brother, Mingyu, in your childhood home, as you’d been away for too long and you had started missing him, and your parents-in-law had caved in.

“Bye, Joshua!” you call out over the loud noise of the chopper. He stops at your voice, turns back and looks at you once. You think he’s going to walk towards you, his left foot lifted slightly off the ground, but then the bodyguard standing next to him motions him to move towards the helicopter and he puts his foot back on the ground. He whispers goodbye to you, or maybe you just can’t hear him.

It should feel nice to finally get rid of him, you think, as he walks further away from you, now a speck on the horizon. But your heart feels heavy, the journey back home feels empty, and there’s a voice in your head which makes you regret staying back.

“I forgot to pack my blue suit,” he says over speakerphone. Joshua, the silly man he is, couldn’t wait for even an hour after landing, before calling you. As soon as he had landed in London, his fingers had itched to dial the button and call you up but he had resisted. But when he had started unpacking his luggage, he couldn’t stop himself. It’s a gloomy day, the sky overcast with clouds. His assistant is texting him to come to lunch, but he’s not hungry. He wishes he didn’t have to leave you in Korea.

He can hear your laugh on the other side.

“I know, I realised it when I reached home and saw the suit lying on your bed.” “My bed? You went to my room?” There’s a pause. “Umm, yeah… I was actually wondering which perfume you used. I want to buy the same for Mingyu, for Chuseok.” “Oh. Did you find it?” He wonders what else you found.

“Yeah, I did. How’s your suite?”

“Hmm, big?” You laugh again, slightly less awkward.

“It’s obviously big. Is it, like, very fancy, or is it the modern minimalist type?”

“Quite modern, but also fancy. Like there are all these weird lamps- wait let me show you. Do you have time for a video call?”

“Me?”

“Huh, who else am I talking to?”

“Oh. Yeah I mean. One sec! Don’t turn it on until I say so!”

He waits, his heart pumping so loud he can hear it. Then you finally turn on the video call and he sees your face coming through the black screen, and suddenly it’s not gloomy any more in London.

“Hi there.” You smile widely, your bare skin glowing, and he smiles back, almost on instinct. For a second it’s just like that. Showing you the hotel room is a forgotten task, Joshua’s excuse to see your face has worked.

He notices that you’re sitting in your house, as he identifies the different wallpaper easily. “You’ve gone to your house so fast?”

“Hmm, felt like there was nothing to do at home.”

Home. Were you missing him? Could it be-

“Is Mingyu around?”

“Yeah, but he’s calling someone. Practically shooed me from the room when his phone rang. Might be important-”

“Pfft. Important, my foot. Probably a new person he likes.” You smile at his comment, “Yeah probably. When do you think he’ll want to settle down?”

“When he finds someone like I have?”

The words slip out of his mouth before he can even think twice and the truth of what he said only hits him when he suddenly sees your video crashing. “Hey Y/N?”

“Sorry!” Your face is back in focus, all red and flustered. “I dropped my phone. Umm, Josh, I gotta go, there’s someone at the gate.”

“Hmm, okay. See ya?”

You smile at him and wave him a hurried goodbye.

The phone becomes lifeless again.

Shit, he fucked up. Yet again. What are these uncalled-for things he’s doing? And why can’t he just control himself, for god’s sake? It’s not like he… oh god. He’s really messed up now.

There’s something wrong happening. It feels right, but it’s really wrong. You reckon it started from the kiss. Since then everything is changing, bit by bit.

The night after that, he had asked you if you wanted to watch the new film in the theatres, and you had agreed, since you actually wanted to watch it (and not because you wanted to spend more time with him). He had booked out the night show in an entire hall, and the two of you had spent more time giggling over the poorly-made thriller and gasping at the unbelievable action sequences than watching the movie seriously.

Three days after that, you had asked him if he wanted to come swim with you. He knew you had restarted practice but hadn’t said much about it except ask where you were practising.

“Hmm, sure? I mean, if it doesn’t barge into your routine.”

“Joshua, if it did barge in, I wouldn’t have asked you.” He grins, fixing his collar. “Sorry ma’am. I’m free today, when are you going?” “Today?” You weren’t planning on going today at all. “Yeah…” “Umm, in half an hour?” “Cool. Call me when you’re ready.”

And that’s when you realised it was such a mistake to bring him to the pool. Because you were too distracted by him all the time. For two straight hours, you both raced across the 500 metres pool multiple times in a marathon, but towards the end, it became too much fun as you both skipped track divisions and cheated to make it to the end of the race. He would swiftly snatch your goggles and the chlorine would burn your eyes until you had to hold his hands down and get back the goggles from him, all while whining to make him stop laughing like a clown. Sure, you had provoked it first by kicking your leg out midway to smash him in his chest, leaving him dumbfounded and gaining you a solid ten seconds, but this was too extreme an attack.

But at the end of all attacks, he somehow ended up pinning you to the wall of the pool, both too giddy with adrenaline to notice how you had landed in this position.

Thank god the pool was empty.

But your mind was not. You were now extremely aware of his gaze burning into you, his hair wet from the water and bangs falling on his face, his taut chest muscles golden and ripped, his glowing skin looking even more alive.

“I love water.”

“I know, I remember how you used to always have pool parties for your birthdays in school.”

“Hmm, you do?” You’re sure it’s completely platonic, but when he uses his left hand to keep you locked against the pool and his right hand to swipe back his hair from his forehead, there are butterflies in your stomach and you just know you’re blushing. Not even an inch of skin-to-skin contact, just his hungry eyes and you’re dying inside.

“Joshua, I need air.”

“What?” He asks, as if he doesn’t understand.

“I need to breathe.”

“Huh ... you’re breathing, though?”

You bite your lip, and he smirks. You can’t help but think he’s doing it on purpose, but he gently pushes himself away from you, and you take the chance to take deep breaths and rouse yourself to sit on the edge of the pool. He points at you and smirks even deeper.

“I win!” He laughs, his eyes growing bigger in excitement. You laugh too, realising that the moment you got out of water, he had won. But he had won far before that…

He dunks his hair in the water and splashes water over you as he rises up again. You slowly get off the edge and stand up, fixing your clothes. You swear you can see him check you out once, but it may be a figment of your delusions.

“Y/N. I’m hungry.” “Huh?” Did you hear him right? “Yeah, do you wanna get chicken?” Poof.

It feels just like those teenage summer parties he used to host. Just you, Wonwoo, Mingyu, himself, and a couple of other friends from school. You’re feeling just as hot and bothered as then, and he’s looking just as cool as then.

“Sure, but you’re paying. Winner winner, chicken dinner!” And you’re laughing now, as you walk away to the dressing room to take a shower and get dressed again. You just want to escape before he comes out of the water and his body makes you weak in the knees again.

He’s hard.

Joshua Hong is sitting through the middle of the third conference for the day and he’s shit tired at this point. Which has probably made his body want things he doesn’t have. Specifically, you.

So he tries to hide the boner in his suit pants, and he swears under his breath every second because it’s simply impossible. Especially after that picture Mingyu had sent to him a minute ago. He shouldn’t have opened his phone during the conference, but he was too bored.

KMG-[picture]

KMG-in case you’re missing your wifey haha

HJS-what?

KMG-she sure is. she’s whining like a little puppy.

HJS-what?!

KMG-don’t you get it? she’s drunk bro. it’s so obvious?? did you even open the photo?

HJS-i didn’t, sorry. unlike you, i’m in london and it’s afternoon here so i’m at work.

KMG-work?! pfffft. you’re the prince.

HJS-you’re also drunk, gyu.

KMG-not realllly, but defo under the influence seeing that i’m texting you against my better judgement, which is the slap i’m going to get from my sister as soon as she realises who i’m texting.

HJS-jeez. she hates me that much lol.

KMG-huh??? hate? you dumbass???

HJS-can you not curse me? this conference is tiring enough.

KMG-sorry.

KMG-you d*****s???

HJS-what???

KMG-the only thing she’s talking about after eight months of living the royal life is you. and i wouldn’t say you’re the only interesting thing at the palace

HJS-what are you implying

KMG-your assistant is pretty hot

HJS-what? i choked on my water!

KMG-don’t tell me you haven’t noticed

HJS-no i really haven’t.

KMG-eww. what marriage does to a person 101.

HJS-i wouldn’t have noticed otherwise either

KMG-sure, says joshua hong who’s slept with every girl in his uni in the states

HJS-why hasn’t your sister found out that you’re texting me and given you said slap yet?

KMG-oh so you want her to find out that you’re pining for her love?

KMG-you’re so down bad to get her attention huh

KMG-you just wish it was her texting you rn, and not me

KMG-you traitor

HJS-mingyu stop

KMG-you’re missing her so bad

KMG-and she’s missing you too

KMG-ugly missing

KMG-i can see the sadness in her eyeeees

HJS-i think it’s your soju talking

KMG-pls. i can handle my soju v well.

KMG-but you have to admit you’re missing her.

KMG-if you weren’t you wouldn’t have saved that photograph to your gallery

HJS-i didn’t

KMG-liar

HJS-accuser

KMG-cheater

HJS-dumbass

KMG-WHO’S CURSING NOW

KMG-soory this is yn if gyu was disturing you durig he meeing iapopogize. byew

That was a … chat that didn’t help at all. Now his mind is wandering even farther away from the discussion in the conference.

And the photograph.

You in tank tops would really be the death of him. Your silky flesh escaping through the loose edges of the satin tank, your short hair falling casually across your neck, covering up all the places he wanted to kiss. Your tiny mole below your left clavicle, and the way you were smiling, looking at the soju glass in your hand, eyes creasing and lips maroon.

It makes him think of that evening in the pool when he had almost kissed you again, but only the devil in his head knows how hard he had controlled himself from pushing you against the wall of the pool with his chest, feeling your soft skin again his own, and your lips bright red from biting on them all day (they were chapped as he noticed from up-close). He was taller than you even in the pool, and it made him want to devour you even more. Your swimming suit had left nothing to his imagination, the pervert he was.

He hadn’t planned on taking off his shirt that evening. But when he had started feeling the tingling in his dick after seeing the damp swimsuit clinging to your body, he had decided that two can play this game.

And god, he had enjoyed seeing you flustered. It felt amazing to know his body still had that kind of effect on women, especially you. The last he had seen you check him out was several years ago, and even then, his blood had rushed straight to his dick when he had received your attention, just like now. Thank god you both were under water so his trunks didn’t give it all away.

All the thoughts he had conjured up in his mind that night come floating into his mind now. Your husky voice after swimming laps in the pool. Your hair all damp and swept back from your face. Drops of water falling down your neck-

“Mr. Hong?” The lady next to him whispers, and he realises the entire hall has been staring at him. “Your thoughts on how Korea would like to be involved in the new cross-Pacific connectivity project?”

Fuck. Specifically, fuck you. Yes, thank you.

He has called you three times over the period of two days that he’s been away. Tiny calls, not lasting longer than seven minutes in all, but they still count as calls. He has also texted you a little bit, and sent quite a few photographs- a photograph of the brunch he had which had a lot of baked goods reminding him of you since you love baked treats; a photograph of the London Eye which he saw while travelling; a selfie in front of the Big Ben.

And yet you were missing him. You knew it had to be that, because there was no other emotion to pinpoint at the steely ache you felt in your body, a longing for something, a desire to see someone, in vain.

That had caused your outburst that night, when Mingyu had taken out soju and whisky and decided that it was the night to get drunk for the siblings. You were both emotional drunks, Mingyu slightly more teasing and funny than you, but you had straight up started whining about Joshua. Mingyu had, of course, texted him all about it but you had realised it a minute too late when you saw him shut up and focus on the texts on his phone, grinning smugly. You knew it wasn’t the person he liked, because he was specifically frustrated over how they were a goody-two-shoes, slept before 11 pm, and didn’t even go out with co-workers for dinner and drinks. They were a lawyer he knew through social circles, and although they had been talking for some time now, he had yet to make progress into their bedroom.

“But I don’t mind waiting. Aaah, for them I’ll wait forever.” He had giggled, and you had punched him in the back. “Sure, let’s both see where this goes.” You wondered how long this puppy love would last.

You weren’t talking to Mingyu all day because of what he had done the previous night. Not just spread misinformation about you, but also send a photograph of you. You hadn’t been able to read the chats, he had snatched it away from you as soon as you had begun to read them, but you knew he had written enough to damage you when Joshua would come back.

One more day, and your husband would be back.

What did wives do when they missed their husbands?

Call them for hours at night and sleep with their voice on speakerphone? Impossible, you lived in different time zones now. If you called him at night, it would be his afternoon, and if he called you at night, it would be your early morning and you’d be in no mood to sweet talk.

Text more frequently? Again, not possible. There was only so much you would want to do without any expectation of reciprocation.

Send them gifts? A parcel from Korea to London would definitely take a day, if not more. The surprise would be lost.

Send photographs? He did, but you never sent photos to anyone. Anyone. Not even Wonwoo, you were just too shy to send photos. And anyway, nothing special had happened to be worthy of sending photos.

There was truly nothing to do to solve your crisis, but oh, it felt like despair. Two days turned into three, three into four, until you couldn’t wait to have him in front of your eyes again. On the last day, you knew from the clock that this was probably bedtime for him, and you decided to call him. Because he hadn’t called you the entire day before that, and maybe you wanted to hear his voice?

“Hello?”

“Hmm Y/N.” There it was, a voice sounding like mellow honey in a pancake, warm and sweet. “How was your day, Josh?” “Tiring? I’m getting ready to get into bed right now. Wanna switch on videos?”

“Umm, I’ve actually just woken up so I had bed hair-”

Joshua is sending you a request for video call.

“Does it look like I care?” He grins as soon as you switch on your camera, showing him your frazzled hair. “I do! You see me only once in the entire day, I don’t want to look like a stray dog.” “You do look like a stray dog, but you’re cute.” Maybe it’s the morning laziness which hasn’t got off your brain yet, but you melt into his words. “You’re cute too. Your face is all puffy after a day’s work. Did you cleanse well?” “I did. I’m glowing even with the lights off, am I not?” He smirks, and you can’t say he’s lying. Even with the faint nightlight, you can see his features distinctly. He catches you stare at him for too long, and says, “Miss me much? Mingyu-” Your face scrunches up in irritation. “Ignore Mingyu! Ignore whatever he said that day. It was all misinfo. I swear.” “Aww now there, don’t pout.” You don’t even know you’re pouting, but you blush so hard.

It feels so fucking domestic. The bare minimum, and you’re melting into a puddle. It feels like you’ve come home, finally.

“I’m going to eat kimchi jjigae today. I bought the perfume for Mingyu and he didn’t even like it, so I said I’ll take it back because he doesn’t deserve gifts. Then he started whining, saying that he doesn’t want to smell like you because then I’ll get confused between my brother and my-” you pause. You’ve never really said it out loud.

He smiles, devilish but also kind. “Did he keep it then?” “No. I’ve got it back, you can use it. I’m never gifting him anything for Chuseok again.” “When is Chuseok, anyway?” “Next week. You have an entire schedule planned, don’t you remember?”

And then the screen goes black for a few seconds, and then his face returns.

“Hey, someone called. Sorry.”

“No no. Calling so late?”

“She’s actually a friend from college who saw on my twitter update that I’m here in London and wants to meet up.” You mouth an oh, and then he continues. “I guess she had called if we could go party now… you know, for old time’s sake…” he laughs a bit, and then continues, “But I said I’m too tired now, we can go for brunch tomorrow before I return home to Korea.”

You suddenly feel awkward. Out of place. Reminded that you don’t even know him properly, and you shouldn’t dream of waking up with him in the same bed in matching nightclothes.

“Oh, you could extend your trip a bit though? If you have friends you want to meet.”

“No, I just want to get back home and rest a bit. Next week will be hectic.”

“Hmm.”

Then there’s a pause.

“Alright then, I’ll go to sleep. Goodnight Y/N!” And you’re waving him goodnight as he smiles through the camera, before ending the call.

Reality has hit you, real bad. He was never yours. You’ll never be his.

vi.

“But I could never lie to you

I'm going out my mind for you”

On his flight back home, Joshua misses you immensely. If he was being honest, he wished that you’d wait for him at the airport, so that he could hug you as soon as he lands- satisfying a craving to touch you that had haunted him while he was in London. But he knew it was too extreme an expectation. At max, realistically, he could expect you to greet him when he finally reached home after the fourteen hour flight, with a smile. Over the last few weeks he had felt your warmth grow towards him gradually, and thus, this was definitely a realistic expectation in his eyes.

“Her Highness is at a meeting, she asked me to inform you.”

He was stunned at his secretary’s words. “At a meeting? I thought she was with her brother.”

“She is with the Royal Counsel, Sir. They are at a meeting together.”

“At 9.30 pm?”

“It’s a dinner meeting.”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“It was finalized just today morning S-”

“And since when are you her secretary too, Seewon? Or has her brother done something-” He sees Seewon’s eyes grow wide and he realises he has overstepped. But what is this searing feeling in his head?

Frustration? Did he really expect you to be waiting there for him? It was absurd, he sees it now. It was absurd to think you treated him any differently than you did a few months ago.

“I’m sorry. I’m just- too tired.”

“Dinner is ready, Sir.”

“Can you get it to my bedroom? I’ll eat there and directly go to bed. I’m too sleepy.”

“Yes, Sir.” Seewon bows deep, but he is already walking away.

“It is for the best, Mingyu-ah.” You reason with your brother for the n-th time as he tries to convince you, futile efforts truly, to confront Joshua about the future of your relationship. “I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me. What we have now is… a nice companionship. We’ve both resigned to the fate that this is it. There’s nothing new going to happen in our love lives, and we’ve accepted it. As a teenager, we probably expected our love lives to be beautiful and magnanimous like in the movies, but this is reality. And you know I’ve never sought romance.”

“We all know why that is.”

“Huh?”

Mingyu stares at you blankly across the table, his eyelids drooping slightly from being tipsy. His shirt is nearly off, the alcohol heating up his body, and in his longer hair, his face looks eerily like yours. Seeing him like this makes you feel colder, and you hug the cardigan closer to your body.

“Wonwoo and I were together. When we found your diary entries about Joshua.”

You’re speechless. How had Wonwoo emitted this very important detail about the biggest secret of your life?

“Hey, Y/N-ie. I know I’m not as close to you as Wonwoo. He was a better friend to you than I could ever be, although we are of the same age. And I know he’d be able to explain this better-”

“Kim Mingyu.”

Now he’s speechless.

Never in his entire life have you called him by his full name, except when you were really frustated over failing your midterms when he had topped the class or when you had suffered the wrath of your parents when it was actually his fault.

“You knew?”

He gulps.

“How come you never said anything to me? I can’t believe Wonwoo- that fucker- that-”

“Hey!”

“No, you don’t get it! I’ve- I’ve kept so many secrets for him. It was our pact you know- never spill secrets. And never keep secrets from each other. I told him everything and he- Oh my god. What else do you know? How much has he betrayed me?”

“Y/N-ie. He didn’t betray anything. It was purely an accident that I was there in the room when he started reading it out aloud. None of us knew what was coming as we started reading that page. And then he swore me to secrecy, and made me promise never to tell you. Made me swear on my face too, can you imagine?”

But you were not in the mood for jokes. Angry, hot tears started rolling down your cheeks. It was truly an uncalled for meltdown, but the tears seemed to be a long time coming.

“I can’t believe you know it. I’m so pathetic-”

“No, aaaah-” He shuffles closer to you, somehow patting your hair, before you smack it away.

“Don’t touch me, Kim Mingyu.”

“Okay, sorry. But Y/N. I don’t think you should be so mad at Wonwoo. In fact I had totally forgotten about it, until-”

“Until?”

“Until Wonwoo said how he was considering proposing to you, to be his Royal Consort.”

You look up at your brother.

“You know why he had proposed.”

“I do. I just thought… maybe if I were him, and if I knew my best friend was in love with my brother-”

“I am not! In love! With his brother!”

“Y/N-aah.”

“It was a teenage thing! A crush! It happens! Hell, Mingyu, you fall in love every week. You don’t have the right to call me out like this!”

“I’m not. But that’s because- that’s just who I am, you know? I feel butterflies and I go for it. I don’t think about it. But you, you’re different. You think twice, thrice, a hundred times, before even feeling something. For the longest time, I thought you didn’t have a heart, you had two brains.”

You scoff a mirthless laugh. “And yet I’m the one stuck in this ugly marriage. How stupid of me. I’m torturing a whole man to fulfill some broken childhood wish of mine- something I don’t even feel anymore. That’s honestly the most pathetic thing in the world.”

“Hey!” Mingyu really wraps his arm around your shoulder now, and unwantedly, you cave into his touch. His body is warm and it feels safe. You haven’t hugged him in a long time, you realise. Wonwoo had always been your cuddling partner, by your side through long days and nights. Wonwoo had been your best friend and so much more. Perhaps your true soulmate.

Wonwoo.

The thought of him brings fresh tears to your eyes, and you’re shaking violently in Mingyu’s arms.

“Y/N. Can you stop beating yourself up? First of all,” you raise your head to look at him, but he shuts you down, “listen to me for once! First of all,” he starts again, “I think you do like him. Maybe it’s not your childhood crush continuing for so long. But somewhere, you do like him. It’s like- a longing you’ve been craving for so long, and now that the sight ebbs closer to you, you can’t help but walk towards it even more.” You look at him again, tears drying up. When did your silly brother become so poetic?

“Second point is. You really shouldn’t beat yourself up for this. He’s - he’s not getting tortured, that’s for sure. He seems really happy to me, and I can read faces well.”

“No, Kim Mingyu, you’re dumb as fuck-”

“No, that’s just what you think! Because you’re my sister. I’m actually very smart. Just like I never think you’re smart, even if you’re a double masters graduate now.”

You sigh. Maybe this was true.

“Anyway, what I’m saying is. Shua hyung doesn’t seem tortured. He talks to me fondly about you, whenever we talk. Yes, he was initially very hesitant. But you know why he was-”

You’re staring at him hard, waiting for him to continue, but he just gulps. Then his eyes widen, and keep widening. Suddenly, he jumps up, and starts jumping in tiny movements.

“Mingyu, have you finally gone mad?”

“He thinks you’re in love with him!”

“What are you saying?” Your jaw drops. “Mingyu, I think you’re really drunk, you should just-”

“Oh my god. Wonwoo Wonwoo. Aigoo, he thinks too far ahead of this time, don’t you think?”

“What are you saying, bro-”

“Even after his death-”

“Do you mean he forethought his death too?”

“No! I mean, of course not. Just. The way things turned out. He really set you up with fate. A true best friend, aah,” leaving you still confused, Mingyu pours the rest of the soju bottle into his glass and drinks it in one go.

“I’m going to bed. I can’t tolerate your nonsense anymore.”

“Hmm, goodnight. Sleep well, cutie sister.”

You throw him a dirty look, and have half a mind to kick his face, but then you feel too tired and you waddle back to your bedroom.

It’s only the next morning that you see his texts and missed calls and call him back. He’s been waiting for the call for hours now, so he picks it up as soon as it starts ringing.

“Y/N!”

“Oh, good morning!”

Your voice sounds groggy. Were you drinking?

“I was w-worried,” he stutters, “Where were you last night?”

“Oh, last night? With Mingyu.”

“Oh. I thought you’d gone for a meeting?”

“Yeah, after that. It was a good one, I’ll send you my notes later. I’m too hungover right now, sorry. Was there anything you needed from me? Any work stuff?”

Your voice? A hope to see you returned to the palace when he wakes up in the morning?

“Nothing. I was just, like I said, worried.”

“Aaah, you shouldn’t have been. I have bodyguards you know. They left me only after they saw me going home with Mingyu.”

“Hmm.”

There’s a pause. He wonders if he should bring up the question of when you plan on coming back. He wonders if you’ll ask him anything about the flight. He wonders if he can ask you what you and Mingyu have been drinking so much over.

“Please don’t worry on my account. Mingyu and I… had some things to discuss. I’ve cleared up my schedule today. I hope you didn’t need me for anything-”

“No. No. Of course not. Enjoy your day.” Even if I won’t.

“Kim Mingyu? Where are you?” As soon as your call with Joshua ends, the painkillers start their magic, and you remember bits and pieces of your conversation last night with your brother. You walk towards his room, but alas, you find him still sleeping in his bed, naked except his underwear, evidently too hot after getting all drunk.

You slap his back sharply, and he jolts up with a groan.

“Kim Y/N!”

“What nonsense were you saying last night? Tell me now, if you have the guts to tell me when sober.”

“Huh?”

Five seconds.

Ten seconds. You give him a glass of water.

Three minutes. You get him painkillers.

Ten minutes. He brushes his teeth.

Thirty minutes, you’re both awake and sober. And yet, radio silence.

“I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember. What were we talking about last night?”

“Yah! Kim Mingyu! You weren’t that drunk!”

He tilts his head from side to side, putting on a show to recollect, but his face is still blank. You have the urge to slap his head, like one slaps a dysfunctional remote to make it work again. But you fear it’s going to damage his few brain cells forever and irreparably.

“I really don’t remember. I just remember… talking about Wonwoo.”

“Mingyu did you drink after I went to bed?”

“Yes, but that’s-”

“Fuck. No wonder you’re out like a light bulb. Did you finish the entire bottle of whiskey too?”

“Hmm, but-”

“Fuck man! Now I can’t even be sure of my own thoughts.”

“So even you don’t remember! Sucker!”

“No I do! But I was just… wondering if I was delusional or if it was real. Mingyu, try and think hard.”

“Umm, I can’t really think so much so early. And today’s a holiday, for fuck’s sake. Can’t a man relax and wake up on a holiday?”

He huffs and walks out of the room, his hair sticking out weirdly. Oh, your brother. Now you have to verify if the nonsense he spewed last night was indeed true or not. And there is, of course, only one way to do so.

vii.

“Turnin’ me up and back off like this

What do you want? Do you not like it?”

He had to know. Joshua Hong had never felt the pangs of curiosity so wildly as he did now. It was too much to bear. This suspense. These mixed signals from you. This wild fluttering of his heart that he had to forcefully drown out with the rational thoughts from his brain. Not a moment of bliss and yet so much happiness even in this riot.

“Can you make a cute pose for me?”

You stare at him, and then at the camera. “What?” Your reaction makes him smile. “Cute pose!” “Yah! I’m the Princess, not an idol! Why should I make a cute pose!” “Because that’s your vibe! All the media goes wild for your cuteness. That’s why you’re so popular with the young people of our country.”

“I’m popular because of my personality. I’ve raised Mingyu, okay? I know how to deal with kids.”

He’s laughing out loud now, he doesn’t care if his bodyguards are suspicious of the whispered conversation the two of you are sharing.

“But I insist. Cute pose, please?” He winks cutely, his face full of aegyo. He’s always been good at this, the baby face among the brothers. The delicate boyish charm he never lost. The mature, serious look he never gained, unlike Wonwoo.

“Joshua. I’ve never done it,” you whisper back, slightly embarrassed.

“Umm, can you do a V sign for me?”

You do it, and extend your hand ahead of you. “Now bring it up to your eyes.”

You bring the hand to your eyes, and Joshua bends your fingers slightly to make it look cuter. “Cha! Now you’ve got it! Smile!”

He smiles for the selca, and you smile too. But your smile isn’t the real one he’s used to seeing. So he pokes a finger into your cheek, just to get a reaction out of you, and clicks the burst shot at the same time.

He’s right.

You blush, smile and laugh in embarrassed giddiness, all in the series of shots. It’s a small touch, far far shorter than anything he would like to do, insignificant, and mostly friendly. But the effect it has on his heart says otherwise.

At least now he has the shots the PR team asked him to prepare.

“Are you going to send that photo?”

“Of course not if you’re not comfortable!”

“No. That’s… okay. I just think it makes us look too… childish. Not the image the PR team would want to project of us, no?”

“You’re right. I’ll not send it. Sorry, I just wanted to make you comfortable and smile.”

“Pulling my cheek was your idea of making me comfortable?” You gasp, in mock anger.

He leans in, ignoring the way your eyelashes are fluttering from his sudden closeness.

“Did it work or not?”

Your shy smile is the answer he needs to satisfy his curiosity for now.

But the ugly demon never rests, and his mind remains wildly distracted for the rest of the day. Your photoshoot may have been over a long time ago, but he can’t get his mind over the photographs. He’s thankful you let him keep the photograph where his finger touches the soft pulp of your cheeks. It seems like the only thing he can look at right now.

It’s just been six hours since you’re back in the palace for good. Your mind keeps going back to your conversation with Mingyu, but you’re too afraid to approach the issue. You know it’s a hopeless cause, there’s absolutely no way what Mingyu was hinting at was correct. He’s a real dumbass about feeling something, definitely a TJ and not an FP, since he was so shit at perceiving and interpreting feelings. He must have been going off on tangents which weren’t even realistic.

But somewhere within you, the curiosity burned you alive. It was hell, sitting next to Joshua at the council meeting, pretending to listen to industry experts talking scientific lingo which basically amounted to how the new slum restoration and water purification project needed more funding, but you kept thinking of the same loop of thoughts. The fact that he whispered to you little jokes about how boring it all was, his fingers sometimes brushing over the net stocking of your knees when he leaned in to hear you whisper back, drove you absolutely crazy. If his fingers slipped slightly, it would undoubtedly find out how heated your core was.

Joshua and you have schedule after schedule, pending work which had been postponed for the trip, which had to be completed before Chuseok so that the festivities passed smoothly. When the day had started with you two eating breakfast together at a public place (actually a gimmick for media to cover it as a romantic date for the wife who missed her beloved husband) and clicking selfies to be released on his twitter, you had thought that was the end of your togetherness for the day.

But it had seemed to stretch on, when Joshua insisted that you sit with him for all the meetings, to keep him updated on everything he had missed out on, now that you were much more deeply involved in the official world.

“You have a secretary though?” you had chuckled, begging him to take the hint and releasing you from this trap.

“Is it too much to ask for a friend by my side when I face the world?” he had all but pouted, and you had, of course, melted.

It reminded you eerily of what Wonwoo had said when he had proposed you. Brothers did think alike, you think, as you flip the pen over and over waiting for the current presentation on tax revenues to get over. You had already thought of questions in the first few slides, realising some loopholes early on, and now the rest of the presentation is predictable. You are, however, waiting for the presentation to end to pounce with your questions, when your eyes go to what Joshua is scribbling on his notepad.

“Hey, I thought of the same concern,” you whisper, showing your own notes on your tablet.

“Telepathy?” he winks at you, and you smile lightly. “The Prince is too cheerful today. Why all the jokes? Did London steal my serious Joshua?”

He leans in slightly closer, until all you can see is his eyes.

“I missed you. It’s good to be back.”

Then he leans away, and almost on cue, the presenter opens the floor for questions and his secretary prepares the mic for him to speak into it. Your questions are all forgotten, your notes forgotten, so all you can do is stare blankly ahead until your mind registers what he just said.

viii.

싫어 하면, 싫어지면 좋겠어

좋아하는 마음을 멈추고 싶어

“If you hate it, I hope you hate it

I want to stop liking you”

It is two days before Chuseok, but there’s a somewhat half-hearted excitement in the country. It seems like everyone is feeling the same way as you. You’re all reminded of how Wonwoo had suddenly left your side last year, exactly 365 days before this.

Your recent visit to home had actually worsened the incisions your thoughts about Wonwoo made to your heart. It had been fun to curse him for betraying your secret to Mingyu, but deep down, as the date kept approaching, you could not bring yourself to sleep at nights. Every waking moment, you felt the same pain jarring your body as you imagined Wonwoo must have felt in the moment of the car accident.

Mingyu and you had drunk every night for the same reason. When you had come home, you had realised soon he was not quite the happy spirit you knew him to be. And when every conversation of yours led to nostalgic memories of the past, somehow centering around the one friend you both had loved so much, but never really talking about him directly, you realised he was grieving too. He knew how to hide it far better, but you wished he would break the dam for you.

And he did.

All it took was playing the album that Wonwoo had bought for you and Mingyu to celebrate your 18th birthday, the first album all three of you had liked (an utter shock since you had disparate music tastes), and Kim Mingyu was a wailing, blubbering mess. His head on your shoulder as you hugged him, urging him to take it all out, even though snot was all over your sleeve. But it felt relieving to see him free his own heart, for you knew Wonwoo hated it the most when Mingyu tried to hide his feelings and thoughts.

“How do you think he is doing?”

“An angel like him must be doing well, Gyu-ah.”

He had nodded, and you both had silently listened to the album on loop.

It was an album about loss. All the songs definitely hinted at losing a loved one. Some could think of it as a romantic loss, but you and Wonwoo had always thought the singer was speaking of losing anyone close to you- a friend, a family member, any beloved human being, or even a pet. It was so fitting for the moment, and you cried too. Ultimately you both had fallen asleep on the couch, for the first time in forever, the two of you on the same couch, cuddling in a desperate attempt to comfort each other.

Once back in the palace, the familiar comfort of your brother, both basking in the shared shadow of grief, was absent. This was an environment you still hesitated to call home, in spite of spending a huge amount of your life between these walls.

Because there is no longer a spectacled calm sea of love called Wonwoo by your side to tie you in during the high tides of anguish, pain and nervousness. To set you free from the clutches of overthinking and the burdens of your own intelligence. To help you escape from the depths of your mind and heart, and see the world that was beautiful without any dangerous inhibitions.

There is another person sitting next to you now, kneeling before the elaborately framed, smiling photograph of Wonwoo that is before you, surrounded by candles and flowers as the Royal Family pays their respects to the death of their maknae. Not just the King and Queen are shedding tears, the thundering sky too seems to be crying too and drowning away the tears of the world with its louder downpour. You want to be stoic, but the wetness on the rim of your eyes are unavoidable. But there are no tears in Joshua’s eyes. His eyes are dark, full of an emotion you cannot place, and suddenly you feel very distant from him.

It is this feeling, primarily, that sets off the tears in you more wildly. The only person you expect to be on your side now seems to be so far away, and it seems so cruel that you cannot help the sudden tears that escape you now. The distanced coldness in Joshua is gone as soon as he sees you in this state, reaching out to hug you, but you can't control yourself. He pulls you in one corner, thankfully, and pats your back until you’re more yourself.

“How are you holding up like this?”

He has the audacity to shrug and break your heart even more. What cruel curse is this that the person you loved the most has not only left your side, but now there is someone you’re left with, who will never love you?

“I’ve been training myself to harden my heart. I cannot cry before my parents, they need me to be strong.”

“But what about yourself?”

“It doesn’t matter what I feel.”

“It does to me.”

He looks up at you, you’re still cowering next to him, your knees pulled up to your chest as you hope to feel warmer.

“There is something comforting in knowing that I’m not the only one who feels like their heart is being broken to pieces by a hammer.”

He winces, but puts a hand around your own.

“If it means anything, it does feel like that to me too. Probably not as bad as you though.”

“But you’re his brother. You’ve known him for longer than I have.”

“But there is nothing stronger than the loss of a lover. Not even the loss of a family member.”

Then someone calls out for him from the crowds, and you’re left to yourself again, as you try to make sense of what he said.

“This is the album we used to listen to all the time. Wonwoo, Mingyu and I.” You show him a faded album cover, and he reads the title.

“Can I listen to it, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course. I wanted to share it with you. Shared grief, you know?” You chuckle, as Joshua goes up to play the album. The first few songs are not even remotely sad, but he can see a tear rolling down your cheeks already. You jerk away the cup of cinnamon coffee from yourself, to prevent it from becoming salty.

When it finishes playing, Joshua lets out a long sigh he doesn’t even know he’s been holding in. This really confirms it for him. It breaks his heart a little more, although he’s known this for years, probably, but it still hurts.

“It’s a very moving album.”

“Hmm. The lyrics are almost poetry.”

“Yes. The way the singer describes the grief of losing a lover…. No wonder you could feel it so deeply.”

You’re looking at him funnily, and he raises an eyebrow.

“It’s not about losing a lover. I think it’s about losing any person who was close to you… the feeling of missing a beloved is not limited to romantic relationships, you know? Do you not feel the same way? Your calmness scares me.”

“No, I… I don’t know how to feel. It does hurt, a lot. But… somehow, the last year has been very hard for me. It’s changed the way I feel things, I think…”

And then you hug him, your fingers squeezing his shoulder blades. You’re impossibly close to him on the sofa, but he can’t hug you back. Not when you’ve literally shown him the album right now.

Not when he knows it for sure that his love for you will be forever unrequited.

He can speak again only when you shift away from him again, breaking the hug.

“Y/N, I… This was the world I wanted to avoid the most. I wanted to run away from it so bad. I did everything I could in the US to convince myself and my family to let me stay away, to prove that I was better off living away. And I had selfishly, left everything to my little brother, who was suddenly pushed into all this without expecting it. And I feel like a terrible person. I don’t deserve to cry-”

“Hey! Wonwoo never thought like that. He knew your reasons, and he never once complained about them.”

“Did he speak to you about it ever? I just feel like a piece of shit for leaving him in the middle of it all, instead of being the reliable hyung he should have leaned his back on and enjoyed the youthful days of his life. I can’t help but feel-”

And he does what he has tried to avoid all day. He doesn’t know what triggers it- your pats on his arm, the way your eyes are glued to his, or the memories of Wonwoo finally flooding his rationale.

“You’re not responsible for his death, Joshua. You deserve to grieve, but do not beat yourself up. He never complained about anything. If anything, he knew he was a natural at this.”

“But Y/N that’s no consolation! I failed him!” He’s positively bawling now, and you shuffle to take him in an embrace again. He fights it at first, whispering something about snot, but you only chuckle and pull him in closer. There are several moments of silence after this, while he continues to sniffle in the crook of your neck.

“The days after he left, they were hell for me. I would hallucinate, I think. I saw him in my dreams, when I woke up I would call out his name, while eating or doing any work I would talk to myself, addressing myself with his name. Everyone thought I was going to lose my mind, but then… I reeled myself in. My stronger sense of intelligence stopped my emotional senses from losing it all.”

“You’re very strong, Y/N. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my lover.”

There’s another moment of silence. Joshua feels his heart beating fast, but then there is another heartbeat bursting in his ears, and it’s way faster than his.

He realises it is yours.

“Wonwoo and I… were never lovers, Joshua. I don’t know why you keep thinking that?”

Suddenly, his world is spinning. Joshua Hong doesn’t know what to say.

“What?”

He moves his body backward to look at you, to see if you’re fucking with him. It’s a cruel joke-

“Wonwoo and I were never in love. Romantically.”

“But you were engaged?”

He sees you take a deep breath in, and his eyes are bigger than the sun as he waits for you to answer. It’s a do-or-die moment for him. He keeps searching your eyes for any sign of a joke, but you look dead serious.

“That’s because… because Wonwoo was gay. He liked my brother. But he could never come out before the world, he knew he would die by public guillotine if he did that. So he decided to do the next best thing to marrying the love of his life. He decided to marry his best friend. That’s all.”

“Marrying his best friend? Wonwoo gay?”

“Yes,” he’s definitely delusional right now. He’s hearing all sorts of bullshit. This is why he was reigning in the tide. Too many tears and he’s light-headed. Drunk in his own pathetic feelings.

“He asked me about his dilemma, and what he was thinking of doing as a solution. We agreed to it as the best thing. I would support him in this tough journey, he knew that. And I knew that it was better to marry him than spend my life in an arranged marriage because I was not even looking for love-”

“Not looking for love?”

It’s your turn to look like your breath had been knocked out of your lungs, but you quickly recover, when you whisper to him, your voice suddenly far softer.

“Joshua…”

“Why did Wonwoo spoil your chances of finding love? You could have found love, you know?”

“Not when the only man I have ever loved was millions of miles away from me.”

No, he’s delusional for sure. It can’t be- no- never…

He sees you freeze, standing up, and suddenly the room is too cold in spite of it being the middle of September. Your body steps away from him, but he can’t move. Can’t seem to get a word out of his mouth, not a single thought in his mind.

“Oh. I fucked up, didn’t I?”

And then you sprint, shutting the door behind you, and Joshua still can’t move a limb.

ix.

“I love the way that you're designed

Love thе way we intertwine

Still don't need a rеason why

You're beautiful and now you're mine”

It seems like an eternity before you can stop crying. An eternity of unrequited love is burning itself down to atoms in your heart, and your whole body seems to be out of control. It’s been a long day, worn down by the grief of losing your friend, and now the pain of ruining the one friendship you had left.

As a teenager, you had anticipated this moment several times. Especially during the sleepless summer nights, when you would wonder how it would be if you ever confessed to Joshua. You had almost done it too, on so many occasions which kept floating to your brain now. When he had come to see you at your first debate finals in school, and he had hugged you after you had won, and treated you (and Wonwoo and Mingyu, who were your teammates) to bulgogi japchae and fried chicken. When he had patted your hair after you had scored your first goal in football, one of the many games you played with the boys. When he had given you the extra piece of dumpling from his plate because there were no more left and you had just remarked that it was the best dumpling you’d ever eaten.

You are so lost in your own thoughts that you miss the footsteps behind you. A shame truly because Joshua is extremely loud in his running. Anyone in their right minds would be able to hear him from miles away. But not you. Your mind is blocked too much with echoes of your own voice, pathetic as you must have sounded when you had confessed your silly little infatuation.

An infatuation that had lasted the struggles of time.

All the lies you had always said. Not looking for love. Focused on my career right now. Too busy to date. I don’t believe in soulmates and that shit. All excruciatingly stupid excuses to hide the ache your heart made even after years, just at the thought of Joshua Hong. Even when you knew very well he was way out of your league and too far away, physically and emotionally from you, you had chosen him over any other person up your way. That fact in itself was so wretched: you had, like a fool, chosen him over and over, giving up any opportunities to embrace a now that would gratify the innate human need for romance, in hope for an extremely uncertain future. Over Yoon Jeonghan, who had fluttered his pretty lashes and drawled in his cherry sweet voice- but you were insecure that he was way more beautiful than you, and the only reason he was going on dates with you was to boost his ego about his own beauty. Over Xu Minghao, the calm, witty and incredibly romantic boy who matched you in every way possible, almost designed to be your soulmate by your own admission- but even the easily affectionate days you enjoyed with him in your college days had been overshadowed by the flickers of hope that one day, you would make Joshua’s heart race in the same burning, desperate way he still made yours race.

Your body is exhausted from the overdrive.

You’ve cried too much, it’s sucked out all the moisture from your system. You’ve not eaten in hours, and the pain of your heart is overcoming you in whole. So you let sleep take over you, expanding the memories to erase any sense of consciousness you retained for so long in vain.

Sickening how you’re dreaming of him even in your sleep. It’s extremely hazy, but you see his face smiling down at you, the dawn covering his features with shades of pink and orange that make his eyes glitter even more brightly than usual.

He’s an angel, you think.

Except your body is feeling too warm for it to be a dream. His smile seems to grow wider, and you can slowly see more of his face.

Then he bends down to kiss your forehead. Then you’re asleep again.

When you finally wake up, he’s still staring at you. The slow breaths you take and release as you sleep so calmly in his lap, your head ever so lightly shifting from time to time. The edge of the wooden bench pokes his waist, but he would bear anything to see you sleeping in his arms like this. He can scarcely believe it, and he’s afraid that if he moves even a bit, it will disappear, like a myth he had gaslit himself into believing.

So when you finally wake up, he can’t help but smile at you. The smile that’s been stuck on his lips ever since he realised seven hours ago, that you loved him back. That he was not an absolute fool in hoping he could make you his. That he was not the only one whose heart burned with the desire to touch you every time he saw you.

He finally understood your point about shared grief.

As the stars disappeared when the sun rose, he quietly prayed to Wonwoo. It was mean and selfish, to be grateful to him for bringing you to him by giving up his life. But he was able to ignore the demons in his head by thinking that the kind soul Wonwoo was, he had always brought you to him, he was the only one who had pushed you away in spite of his unending efforts.

Hyung, can you come watch our debate finals? Y/N and Mingyu are also here…

Hyung, let’s call Y/N for your birthday too! She’s your friend too…

Hyung, can you help me choose which photos to post for Y/N’s birthday? I can’t choose, she’s too cute in all of them…

And he had saved all the photos. You were not just cute in all of them, but also the most elegant and beautiful lady he had seen. He was sure he found it harder than Wonwoo to pick just three photos, but he had to suppress the storms that blast his heart from time to time whenever he thought of you.

To think that you were in his arms now, waking up on a beautiful, clear, warm morning, your soft body shifting against his own. Your bright eyes finally opening to see him, as he continues to smile at you, urging you to wake up so that he could finally see the stars in your eyes, although they were long gone from the skies.

“Good morning, princess.”

You’re hallucinating. Or you’re just still sleeping.

But it feels too real. Joshua’s warm body engulfs you as you wake up.

“Good morning, princess,” he says again when he thinks you haven’t heard him. Oh, but you have.

“Joshua?” your voice is cracked, from sleep and tears.

“Yes, Y/N?”

His voice is like honey dripping from a fountain of all things sweet and delicate.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at you?”

“What? Why?” you’re genuinely confused as you try to get up, but his strong arms prevent you, and keep you trapped in the warmth of his soft lap.

“Because I’ve waited for thirteen years to see you wake up in my arms. And I’m not letting go now.”

You have to sit up now, so you resist his arms, and sit up, your body twisting to face Joshua.

“What are you saying, Joshua Hong?” A single tear rolls down your cheek, fighting the urge to smile before you’re fully convinced this is real.

“I love you, Kim Y/N. I have, forever. Ever since I realised what love is. I never-”

“What?” Your jaw is open, so he smiles at the sight.

“I never imagined you would like me back.” His voice is softer as he leans closer to you.

You touch his cheek slowly, hesitantly, before completing placing your palm on cheek as he leans into your touch. It’s not real. No. You’re…

“Are you for real?” He smiles again, that angelic smile.

“Is it that hard to believe?”

“Are you kidding me? Joshua! Please don’t joke with me. I’m dead serious!”

“So am I!” His eyes go wide, and you know now for sure.

It’s still so unreal, that you’re suddenly overcome by embarrassment and you hide your face in his shoulder. He chuckles, a melodic sound.

“Y/N, will you have me as yours?”

You can’t even look up at him, unable to look at the way he’s looking at you. The loving gaze in his eyes that makes your stomach somersault. You better get used to it, Y/N, you tell yourself.

“As long as you want me as yours.”

“Always have, princess. And always will.”

“Spend a summer or a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams”

The next few days are a dream. A dream you had never dared to dream for longer than five seconds. But now, it seemed to engulf your entire existence.

For loving and being loved by Joshua Hong is a happy heaven beyond imagination. It’s waking up, in his arms for the first time, on wooden benches in the lawns. It’s waking up next to him, in his arms again, as the sun catches your eyes and breaks your slumber. It’s waking up to the scent of rose and vanilla, which you think is his natural scent even without any perfume.

It’s also sleeping in his warm embrace. It’s sleeping with minimal clothes but still feeling hot in the night because of how closely your bodies are entangled. It’s sleeping with your faces touching each others, so close you’re breathing in the carbon dioxide he is exhaling.

It’s an elixir that adds a million years to your life.

It’s a honeymoon phase you know will never end. Not as long as Joshua Hong looks at you with the edges of his eyes crinkling up in explicable fondness, when you explain to him why it’s not correct to use each other’s toothbrushes. Not as long as he kisses you all over your neck and shoulders, complaining about how you had teased him for months in your tank tops. Not as long as he knocks out the breath from your lungs whenever you look at him, and you know that’s a feeling that’s never going to go away.

Or maybe it is just the happiness of Chuseok that permeates into you now, making you feel happier than ever.

Joshua knows this is what a dream coming true looks like. It looks like you wearing the softest, fluffiest yellow hanbok, designed to match with his own golden hanbok. Your hair is pushed back, revealing your full cheeks even more prominently, and when you smile, you look like the cutest strawberry.

As you walk up to him, still blushing, as the flashes of the cameras go off, he whispers, “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. I’m so lucky to be your husband.”

“Shut up! Don’t make me more shy than I already am.”

He latches his own arm to yours as you both bow to the crowds waiting ahead of you to open the celebrations for the day.

“I love it when you’re shyly blushing like that. Boosts my ego like nothing else.”

“God, Joshua Hong! You menace!”

“I know,” he whispers later at night, in your ears, almost a low growl, when you say the words again to him, but the annoyance in your voice is now overcome by a desperate neediness that not just boosts his ego but also shoots straight to his dick. For Joshua can’t think without his dick these days. Not when he strips you out of the hanbok, thanking god you had hidden up your curves all day, because if he knew you were wearing his favourite pearly white bra today, he’d not be able to function all day. Not when he kisses your nipples with growing fondness, having quickly realised how sensitive your breasts were. Not when his fingers slide easily into your wet cunt, almost like a habit now after the last few nights.

He can cry thinking of how many times he’s imagined this, but when finally sinks himself into you, he loses it. Every fucking time he does it, he loses it.

Tonight, he flips you to sit you down on him, and your eyes are going wide at the new angle, and you try bouncing on him, eager to make him feel good. And you are making him feel amazing, especially when he feels your breasts bounce on his face as he licks the valley between them. But he knows you’re getting tired with how many times his dick slips out when you raise yourself and you have to push yourself back again.

“Let me help you, baby.” And he thrusts himself up into you, causing a scream to leave your mouth, as you lean back against his knees. “You feel so good, Josh! Aaah- aah-” he cuts off your words and makes them into moans with his continuous thrusts. He whispers little words of encouragement to bring your orgasm faster as he feels himself getting closer with every little clench of your cunt. And when you finally cum, he shakes all over and cums into you too. Thank god you gave him the green light to fuck you raw, as you were habituated to your birth control pills.

“I love you,” he says even later into the night, when he’s kissing you again, the post-orgasm bliss dissipating into a soft love that seals you both into a bubble of love that he thinks can never be broken.

“I love you too, Joshua.” You kiss his forehead, and wrap your legs around him. As he feels his breathing stabilise against your own, he knows he wants nothing else from life.

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starlostseungmin · 1 year

Text

EMPYREAN PRINCE CASCADES, KSM.

✰ summary: “i am yours even if this is meant to be a loveless marriage between us. no feelings involved, just politics.” — it started with a diplomatic agreement between two kingdoms to stop a war but ended up cascading to a love-driven affinity.

✰ pairing: prince!seungmin x afab!reader (princess)

✰ genre: slow burn, strangers-to-lovers, fixed marriage, mediocre angst, romance.

✰ warnings: profanity, mentions of war, wounds, kissing, not proofread, let me know if i missed something.

✰ word count: 10.2k

✰ playlist — war of hearts (until kingdom come) masterlist collab. ♡

✰ notes: thank you so much @hyunverse for making this collab possible! i enjoyed writing for seungmo’s entry and i hope everyone will love reading each member’s endjng. as much as i want to write this longer than 10k, it is what it is for me tho T-T but i’m really happy that i am part of it! once again, thank you so much. and to the readers, i hope you’ll enjoy the rollercoaster ride! don’t forget to leave feedbacks and reblog! <333

✰ tags: @writerracha @princelingperfect @ggundeuri @orithyia-eriphyle @vumiixlyy @luvrhyune @hopeladybug @misitmoonlight @baldi-2 @baddecisionsworld @thetaytayray @midsoulz @hyunverse @realbangchan @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @rachabreathing @nixtape-foryou @ameliesaysshoo @jisungsdaydreamer @https-skzology @day6andetcetera @linonyang @hgema @seoli-16 @bokk-minnie @foliea @amagumorii @nhyunn @ravyaryn @ink-spilled-stars @himarose @sherryblossom @shakalakaboomboo @r-arrh @siriusly1 @catwonwoo @suebinn @foxinnie8

Seungmin stood at the altar, hands clasped below his waist as he watched you walk down the aisle. The Empyrean cathedral was packed with the elites and other royals from the neighboring kingdoms to witness the Princess of Noctifer betrothed to the Prince of Empyreanーeven the townsmen. A sigh escaped your lips as your hands tightened their grip on your bouquet. This marriage was too soon and both kingdoms wanted to rush the celebration. And for what? Treaties of peace, stronger alliance, preventing wars, and improving bilateral agreementsーjust for the sake of politics perhaps?

You were sick of it but at the same time, you were left with no choice but to stand for your kingdom’s well-being. And the smiles your parents are drawing on their faces hold the triumph and success while letting their daughter falls into the hands of someone they don’t know.

The wedding march just comes in and out of your ears. A traditional sound you always hear when you were invited to all the wedding events that happened in the past. They were all arranged marriages, nothing has done it out of love. Royals would say love is an inconvenience to your duties, yours even, but you’ve never been in love. You were just another bookworm who loved to bury their nose between the pages of romance novels hoping for those stories to become your reality. But now that you are stuck with Seungmin for life, your fate started to change the moment you took a step toward the altar.

You don’t know Seungmin, you don’t know a lot of things about him, you may have heard rumors that he is a snob and doesn’t-give-a-fuck type of prince but he is less or more than that. This marriage was made to strengthen the two kingdoms' alliances and fight together in matters of war. These reasons are not new anymore, they are always the excuse to gather wealth and a repulsive sense of power. But you were too independent to be the wife of someone you barely know. Two months wasn’t enough to get to know each other, but you know Seungmin isn’t as bad as what you heard from baseless rumors yet you could feel how cold he is.

“It takes time,” They said. “The Prince is kind,” They said. “The Queen wanted him to marry to have grandchildren,” It made no sense at all.

You don’t hate him, you don’t like him either and nothing is going on even if the priest asked him to kiss the bride. No spark and passion. That kiss you shared on the altar was just for show. A way to fool everyone that you were good and Seungmin felt the same. Nothing. Both of you admit that it was hard to pretend and force yourself to follow the things you were and weren’t supposed to do. He couldn’t even flash a smile or hold your hand unless necessary. It hurts your pride and ego to stand beside him, but who are you to complain? Both of you agreed to do this in the first place anyway.

The candles burned as the black smoke escalated in the air—quiet. Sounds of crickets from the open garden outside and the wind casually enter your shared bedroom. You sat quietly as Seungmin was reading a letter from the parliament. He should be paying attention to you as a husband and wife, but there he is, covered with focus and thoughts as the words echo inside his head from the paper. It was hard to pretend that you are not hurt when you are not heard. You believed that ignoring each other would be easy in the sense that you’ve got no romantic feelings involved, but the fact that he is supposed to be a loving husband who pays attention to his wife. At least getting to know each other more.

“It’s already bedtime, Your Highness,” You spoke as Seungmin sighed, rolling the paper.

“Let’s not do this,” He said, sitting beside you on your shared bed for the first night. “I know you are not comfortable,” He added.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” You said, looking at him but Seungmin couldn’t even spare you a look. “Can you at least lay with me?” You asked.

“No need,” He sighed. “We’ll get a divorce after 2 years anyway, you won’t have to pretend that you care.”

“Because we’re in this situation? I’m still your wife, I have the very right to care.” You retorted but your husband just shook his head in response.

“Good night Y/N,”

Seungmin left the room leaving you dumbfounded. It was supposed to be your honeymoon right after the wedding celebration. The royal servants have prepared a place of your privacy and expected a night full of passion and love, yet both of you loved to disappoint everyone else and listen to your feelings. But still, you were going to try, for the sake of this agreement. And there he disappeared. He doesn’t care and you just heard the doors of the room shut as his footsteps faded in the hallway. Only a sigh escaped from your lips and took the candlestick from the table, blowing the flame away.

Being distant from each other cascaded almost every day. You are often found in the library reading books, sometimes in the garden taking strolls with your maids tailing you, and rarely at the study. Seungmin doesn’t pay attention, maybe he trusts you a bit with intelligence and is dependent when it comes to politics. But who cares about politics when your husband wanted a divorce after 2 years? This marriage is also political from whatever angle you may want to look at.

Many people believe that falling in love in this type of situation is accurate but dealing with this is the opposite of being written in a fairytale. You believe that they only exist in books and are never written in real life. People consider themselves lucky when they get to experience what falling in love feels like in a genuine manner. But risking your freedom for a loveless and political marriage is a whole different story.

It holds the agreement: “I am yours even if this is meant to be a loveless marriage between us. No feelings involved, just politics.” You admit that it hurts your ego to jump into the well. The possibility of falling in love is crucial in this type of scenario especially when Seungmin doesn’t give a shit and you just try to be what you are supposed to be—the new Princess of the Empyrean kingdom and the wife of the only heir to the throne. But sometimes, you wish it was more than that.

It was the usual Thursday afternoon where you are sitting on the couch inside the library disregarding the fact that you have to study the negotiations of Seungmin’s kingdom. Reading novels is a force of habit and you are always entertained which is disregarding the fact that you need to study.

The big windows allowed the afternoon sunlight to touch the marble floor as they reflected on the glass making rainbows and shapes. It was pretty to look at and it added to the mood of your imagination. You know Seungmin loves to read, but his interest in books is highly different from yours, from the genre to the authors and use of vocabulary. He’s a little bit picky about it. But then again, why would you care about the smallest detail about him when you don’t even matter from his perspective?

Only a sigh escaped your lips as the thought of him crossed your mind. Living inside the Empyrean Chateau—where you decided to stay after the honeymoon—for the last couple of weeks seems heavy and dull. The routine keeps on repeating itself every day and you rarely see Seungmin around. He doesn’t share the same room with you anymore and at the same time, his duty is in the palace of the King and Queen. It’s peaceful, somehow but you would still feel the loneliness inside despite the presence of your maids and the other workers around. You weren’t supposed to think about Seungmin when he’s not around but as a wife, you need to mind your commitment.

Flipping a page on the book, you heard a knock outside of the library which had caught your attention. It doesn’t happen every day, but then you sensed a familiar presence that envelopes the Chateau.

“Come in!” You said, placing the bookmark in between the pages and standing up to place it back on its respective shelf.

“Your Highness,” Your maid greeted with a respectful bow. “The Prince has arrived,”

“He’s home?” You asked. “For what reason?”

“He wants to see you,” The maid answered. It is probably about business. You thought because that’s the only thing that runs this affinity.

Dismissing the maid with a polite thank you, you headed outside to meet your husband at the hall. His hair is disheveled from the strong wind, gushing outside but his outfit remains neat. You stood a few meters away from him as his eyes darted on the big portrait of you and him wearing your wedding attires being displayed at the center part of the wall—it would be the first one to see the moment you enter inside the Chateau. He is dashing and debonair, the type of Prince who is pristine and has a good reputation, minus the attitude or maybe that’s how he is treating you differently than anyone else.

“Your Highness,” You called and executed a bow as Seungmin turned to face you.

“Y/n,” He said, monotonously.

“How was your visit to town?” You asked, flashing the most patient smile you have.

“Good,” He started. “How is everything in the Chateau?” He asked out of nowhere which is not his manner when it comes to you.

“Good,” You answered vaguely as he gave a nod in response. But to be very honest, Seungmin doesn’t know what else to say. Maybe he decided to come home to inform you about the news he had heard this morning from the court or not. He probably wanted to see you out of nowhere, well, he doesn’t know.

“Would you spare me a minute? I have something to say,” He said.

“I am listening, Your Highness,” You said.

“Stop with the formalities, just call me Seungmin,” He answered as you smiled gently.

“If that is fine with you?” You asked as he shake his head.

“I insist,” He answered again. “It will be a little odd for a wife to call their husband so formally. This will stay for quite a while, Y/n,” It was weird.

“Alright,” You smiled as you go along with it. “What are you going to tell me?”

“Shall we take a stroll by the garden first?” It was new.

For the past two weeks of almost ignoring each other, Seungmin’s attitude today seems different. The next thing you knew, you were both walking on the aisle watching the flowers bloom in the middle of summer. Roses are red, the lavender swayed with the air, sunflowers are standing tall and others made it healthy and lively. Seungmin fell silent as his hands were placed behind his back as he walked with you. No words were exchanged as you waited for him to speak up.

You tried to observe him more as you indulge the silence you’d shared. His side profile is so beautiful, and how much more if you get to see the wholeness of his beautiful face? You don’t want to fall for his physical beauty yet you can’t help but admire him. It is dangerous to fall for looks but you admit you like the fact that he is a bookworm too. And as you had thought a while ago, getting to know Seungmin for the past two months wasn’t enough.

“There’s chaos happening at the Western border of Empyrean. Terrorists from the Seraphina Empire wanted to cross our borders and raided a part of the town.” He started. “My father wanted me to go with him to settle a negotiation but I think I will be fighting for the war.”

“Didn’t Noctifer deployed enough soldiers to assist?” You asked. You knew the chaos in the Western border but Seungmin coming with the King to fight for peace is should be not surprising but you felt the opposite. There is a part of you that you don’t want him to leave even if you barely see him around.

“Your kingdom has deployed enough,” He answered. “But I still need to go. I have to provide aid and temporary homes for the victims. Might as well learn something to expand my knowledge and combatting skills.” He sighs in between. “It’s a hustle,”

Your eyes didn’t leave his face. The expression he’s been giving is a serious one which made you hooked while listening.

“When are you leaving?” You asked, studying his features.

“In four days,” He sighed again. “I need to stay here to think. Will you be alright?” He asked, looking at you. It was your chance to look away and distract yourself from looking at the flowers. Yes, I will be fine, I am used to being alone in this place without your presence and why are you suddenly worried? You didn’t answer for a while, you don’t know what to say. Seungmin, leaving for a war? You don’t know when he will be back.

“I will,” You smiled.

“I mean, will you be fine having me around or when I’m gone?” He asked again, halting to look at you.

“I mean, you don’t even care about me so what’s with the question?” That was rude. It was a straightforward question, but you were just being honest. How on earth would Seungmin ask about it? He never cared in the first place. You could clearly remember what he said the night after your wedding. Getting a divorce in 2 years after everything is just stupid nonsense. But Seungmin stood there in silence.

“I just wanted to know,” He said after a few seconds.

“It doesn’t matter Seungmin,” You said as he nodded in agreement. It was awkward for both of you. Getting married without feelings is already hard enough to deal with. The context is empty but with one purpose, politics. “We just have to deal with this and convince everyone we’re in love,”

“It’s childish,” He smirked. “I’m not one for those,”

“Me too,” You said. “But there’s nothing wrong with putting in some effort, right?”

Seungmin looked at you as if you were a mad woman and you met his eyes. True he is not fond of the genre you love but he has a part to play for the sake of this marriage. But your husband shook his head at the statement and gave you a small smile, you didn’t know what for. He understands your point yet he doesn’t want to play pretend to fool everyone in the Kingdom, the fear of commitment is all he could think of. As a Prince, he has other commitments, but to you, it is different, the one that he is unsure of. Pretending to be in love.

“You’re reading too much of that genre,” He said, shaking his head again. “There will be a gathering at the palace the night before I leave,” He said. “Everyone is expecting you to come,”

“I will be there when you need me,” You smiled.

“I guess you will have to deal with me in four days,” He smiled as you gave him a bow.

“I wouldn’t mind,” You said. “So, what do you want to do?”

Seungmin stood in front of his desk reading the reports of the chaos happening inside the Western border of the Empyrean kingdom. He remembered that this situation is quite familiar after rebel groups had messed up with the Kingdom’s sovereignty rights. Noctifer, however, has a large military capacity that the Empyrean needs to solidify their protection. Unfortunately, they were not on good terms. The King offered to marry his only son to the princess to make a peace treaty. The Prince thought it was unnecessary to build such a relationship when they only want an ally when war broke out. But it was basic tradition. Noctifer’s Princess needed a groom, as the higher-ups would say.

It was confusing and hard at the same time. The plan flows for a year after several negotiations and proposals. The two newlyweds were given a couple of months to know each other, but as has been mentioned, it wasn’t enough. You denied it when they said you needed a groom to run Noctifer in the future but the parliament would always make questionable decisions for the sake of power and sovereign rights. It shouldn’t end up this way, but Seungmin agreed with no hesitation even if it was against his will. He didn’t think of any bad things about you. After having to choose Princesses from other Kingdoms to consider as the future queen of Empyrean, none of them tackled his interest. Maybe the thought of ‘need’ have made him impulsive to say ‘yes’ to you.

Everything was awkward as he remembered your promise of loyalty; “I am yours even if this is meant to be a loveless marriage between us. No feelings involved, just politics.” There it goes again. He was amused at the same time, he doesn’t know you and he was curious as to why would you act as if you care about this marriage during the first night. Seungmin didn’t want to think about it but you keep on messing with his head. He learned that women are a distraction to his duties when he was young, he thought love doesn’t matter when it comes to politics, and he thought this marriage would be a waste of time just to preserve sovereign rights but you made an impact.

“Your Highness, are you even listening?” Asked Jisung who happened to be inside his office, talking about the casualties that the invaders have made.

“Pardon me,” He sighed.

“You seemed distracted today,” Jisung added as Seungmin sat down behind his desk, frustrated about the King’s orders. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing,” Seungmin denied. “You are lucky you are not married,” Jisung smirked at the statement and chuckled.

“Your Highness, if this is about the Princess, you two should talk it through,” He suggested as the Prince looked at him in disappointment.

“Do you even know what I’m thinking about?” Seungmin said. “My father ordered me to stay here to spend some time with Y/n and asked if I could bring them to the gathering in three days. They also asked me what I wanted to do,”

“So what did you do?” Jisung asked, intrigued.

“I didn’t have something in mind yet,” Seungmin sighed. “But at the same time, I want to return the favor for saving my Kingdom’s demise,”

“Love,” Jisung suggested as Seungmin gave him that look again.

“Shut up,” Seungmin defended.

“Oh please, it will eventually come your way,” Jisung smirked. “The Princess is brave enough to settle disagreements by marrying you,”

“Y/n is your wife,” “You should spend some time with the Princess before you leave,” “Who knows when will the war ends,” It’s like a chore to follow orders, it has always been since the beginning. Maybe he is too distracted with his chores to forget about you, or maybe you were too busy to give him a chance to know you more. You don’t even treat him like a friend, both of you were just committed to doing your chores. “And who knows if you are going to come back alive?” Seungmin doesn’t want that.

“It feels like I owe Y/n if we put it at that,” Seungmin said vaguely.

“It’s actually you two owe each other for the sake of diplomacy,” Jisung answered.

“You sound smart,” Seungmin said rolling his eyes as Jisung scoffed in disagreement. “Anyway, you are dismissed, say my regards to Hyunjin,”

“Very well your Highness,” Jisung smiled as he stood up from his seat and executed a bow before leaving his office. After a few minutes, you saw Jisung walk past the hallway as you were seeing Seungmin to visit him. You as well received a report about the Noctiferian soldiers who deployed the other day to accommodate the inefficiency of Empyrean defenders. The war between Seraphinian terrorists and the Empyrean Kingdom has extended to the southwest border. Casualties expanded, lives were taken, and the scarcity of basic needsーit was getting worse by every minute. Victims of war have already fled to the South.

You knocked at his door twice before you could hear a faint voice coming from inside. The door opened gently as you enter with grace. Seungmin seemed frustrated the moment you came in, probably because of the war going on or the thought that Jisung left.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” You greeted.

“Good morning, Y/n,” He greeted back. “Now what did I tell you about the formalities?”

“I apologize,” You giggled. “But I’m here for the report,”

“Jisung already told me,” Seungmin said. “Have a seat,”

Nodding at him, you took the seat Jisung used earlier and examined his office as well as his condition. Worry is painted in his eyes and the troubled expression he carries made you wonder.

“You seemed distressed,” You said as Seungmin ran his fingers through his hair.

“You can tell?” He smirked. “I’m fine.”

“Doesn’t seem to me,” You answered. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Seungmin said firmly.

“Alright,” You smiled. “Anyway, I was about to give you information about the situation at the Southwest border but I think Jisung beat me into it. Do you need some time alone? I happened to drop by quickly because I’m still preparing for the gathering in three days,” You continued as Seungmin looked at you.

“You can ditch it today, enjoy yourself at least,” Seungmin said which made you tilt your head.

“For someone who stands firm in his duty is giving me free time?” You smirked.

“I don’t want to think about that right now,” He said. “Forget about it for a while,”

“Seungmin, you need some time outside rather than staying in your office ever since yesterday and thinking about the casualties. I know it’s your duty but you’re leaving in three days, so you won’t be able to take a break starting from that,” You said as he sighs.

“Why do you care so much?” Seungmin asked which made you stop in your tracks. But he does have a point. Why do you care so much to make this marriage valid?

“I don’t know,” You answered. “Maybe I just care about you? I mean, you’re not home every day. You’re always thinking about business and politics and I feel so lonely in the study. You know why I’m here, I know why we’re doing this but I just can’t help it. You’re my husband, even if this is a loveless marriage, I’m loyal, and I don’t care about the divorce you were talking about the night after our wedding, just let me do my part. You just told me to ditch this topic so why can’t you? Go out with me.” If you ever did have feelings for Seungmin, it would be assumed that you were confessing your love for him. It will be weird and at the same time, you are trying to avoid the fact of falling for him.

“Do you like me that much?” He asked as you scoffed in response.

“How dare you say that?” You said rolling your eyes. “I just care okay? Do I need to fall for you just to care?” You defended. But fuck, I already did and I don’t know why or maybe I was just lovesick?

“Whatever Y/n,” He said shaking his head, and grabbed the scattered papers on his desk.

“Is that a no?” You asked.

“Yes, and you may leave,” He retorted as he sat on his chair, pretending to read the papers in his hand.

“Fine,” You sighed in defeat. “But just tell the maids if you want my presence or whatever the fuck you want me,” You added rolling your eyes.

“Words,” Seungmin warned.

“Attitude,” You backfired and left his office making Seungmin smile to himself while shaking his head.

The next day, you found yourself playing the harp in the middle of the hall. Seungmin is still hanging around his office while holding a meeting and you were out of the frame. But if you were being honest, you don’t want to mess up the small gathering even if you wanted to play a very important role in resolving this conflict. You already sent Jisung in to raise your concerns and suggestions, afraid of being disregarded. The parliament doesn’t usually listen but you were thankful that Jisung is always ready to take part in it.

The sounds of the instrument traveled through the halls of the Chateau but remained inaudible in your husband’s office. But it was faint and gentle. The maids and other workers stopped by to listen. You were bored in this big household anyway and Seungmin doesn’t want to give any of his time to you even if you already said your purpose. Unsure about the conversation you had yesterday, it was true that you were lovesick and he’s leaving in two days. It would make you feel more lonely. You admit you’re not used to his presence for the past two days but it made the Chateau a little bit lively and made your heart pound for a bit.

A sigh escaped your lips as you stopped playing and headed toward the garden. Seeing the flowers and the fountain in the middle made you feel relaxed other than thinking of your busy husband. You admit you were disappointed that he didn’t go out with you yesterday but you had to understand his situation. Seungmin has a priority and you are just hoping he won’t ruin your night at the gathering tomorrow.

You sat on the flat surface surrounding the fountain as you indulge in the fresh breeze of the wind, admiring the view of the garden. It was wide enough for your brain to relax but the thought of Seungmin is locked inside. It’s not like he did something to make you fall for him, maybe caring about him too much has carried the feelings. You are not wrong basically or probably it’s because of his looks and how he portrays his expression and attitude to the point that you don’t even understand what you were thinking.

Seungmin dismissed his company and asked the maids where have you gone. He just missed your musical performance. It was a hectic afternoon anyway and he needed the time to breathe. He had to fix his looks before taking a stroll to the wide garden and looking for you. Seungmin knew he have to be formal with the meeting, a white blazer, white polo inside, black pants, and belt around his waist, his bangs parted, and he looked dashing. But you didn’t see it after he was out looking for you.

“Why is my wife alone?” You heard his voice.

“Haha, funny,” You said rolling your eyes and turning around to face him. Dashing as always that it made your jaw drop. You didn’t want to be noticeable but that’s how Seungmin’s visuals affect you, other than his other qualities. He is smart you admit, yet the attitude is kind of snob and cold just like how he had treated you in his office yesterday.

“What?” He asked, raising a brow.

“Nothing,” You retorted. “You don’t have to be so formal in this household,”

“I had a meeting with the parliament, Y/n,” He said as you shrugged your shoulders.

“Why are you out here?” You asked.

“To know if you were here, I asked the maids where you’ve been,” He said, taking a few steps and sitting beside you. “You should be inside the meeting instead of Jisung, your ideas would’ve been elaborated properly,”

“I don’t like those gatherings and I already told Jisung what to do,” You defended. “How did you like them?” You asked, looking at him. Damn it, why is he so overwhelming?

“Well since it’s about resolving the conflict, you suggested bilateral agreements and military support. I agree with the military support Y/n, but are you sure about the bilateral agreements? These are rebelsー”

“Seungmin, you can always talk to the Seraphina Empire about that,” You said. “The rebels came from that kingdom and I’m sure they’re playing their part too, but for the sake of peace, you need diplomats to talk to them and make negotiations right?” Seungmin suddenly smiled as you gave him a puzzled look. “What?”

“I told you, you should have gone inside instead of Jisung. I get your point, I’ll send diplomats tomorrow morning to Seraphina,”

“You didn’t think of that earlier did you?” You smirked at him as Seungmin laughed.

“I did. I’m not stupid,” He said.

“I didn’t say you are,” You retorted.

“Of course, you didn’t,” He answered. “Do you want to go somewhere? I don’t have schedules for the rest of the day so I thought we could spend some time together?”

You looked at him once again smiling at the statement, “I thought you will never ask,”

Seungmin smiled at you in return, “I gave it a thought of what you have said to me yesー” But before he could say something, you pulled right out of the garden and dragged him out of the Chateau.

“I have something to show you,” You said. “It’s not much but it’s beautiful as if you are inside a book. It’s so calm in there,” Seungmin stayed quiet but he is amused by how adventurous this was even if it was just inside the kingdom. It was a bit far from the town and you, holding his hand felt so special. He admits it was the very first time you agreed on something, the time where he gets to spend with you that it’s not about politics and marriage. It felt easier to breathe this time and maybe all you need is to get close to disregard the tension caused by this arrangement.

Walking with you away from the crowd and headed towards the hills had him thinking. Seungmin knows every place around the kingdom but never the secluded ones. He may have missed the beauty of what’s beyond the mountains. You stopped walking when you reached the grass field with small purple and yellow flowers growing in wide spaces. Tall trees cascaded to the slope. The view of the mountains is visible from afar and he could identify the north and eastern borders. It was beautiful scenery and the sun setting adds to its beauty. Seungmin was fascinated.

“How did you find a place like this?” He asked. “I thought you like to stay inside the Chateau,”

“Just because I don’t go out that much I have a limited knowledge of these kinds of places,” You retorted. “Besides, I found it even before our wedding, I just didn’t get the time to come back,”

“It’s beautiful,” He smiled.

“You haven’t been here before?” You asked, looking at him not realizing you were still holding his hand.

“Maybe I did, I just don’t remember,” He said. “And now that you showed it to me, I guess I have a reason to come back here often,”

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” You scoffed. “You’re welcome by the way. Do you want to take a walk?”

“Yes, but please let go of my hand now,” Seungmin smirked as you panicked, quickly shoving his hand back to him and leaving to a blushing mess.

“I’m sorry!” You said, turning away because of the embarrassment but Seungmin just giggled in return. How on earth did this cold and snob prince become warm? He wasn’t the prince you were talking to about the divorce. Maybe he’s slowly opening up to become friends? He doesn’t have the choice to be mean to you because of this marriage but that doesn’t mean he’s forced when he likes you. And as what has been mentioned, it is easier to breathe now.

“It’s okay,” He said as he sat down on the grass. “Sit with me Y/n,”

You took a deep breath before facing him again and smiled, taking the space beside him. It was warm and bright, the fresh breeze of the wind came gushing around as they played with your hair and swayed with the light materials of your clothes. Both of you sat in silence and admire the beauty of nature. Seungmin must’ve fallen into his deep thoughts while you wonder about him. You shouldn’t think about him too much but his presence and connection with you have pushed it in.

“You’re leaving the day after tomorrow,” You said without looking at him.

“What, are you going to miss me?” He smirked as you snorted in response.

“Of course not,” You defended. “Well, maybe? I don’t know,” Seungmin just smiled and didn’t say anything after that. “I don’t want to decide selfishly but yes, I’ll probably miss you. I mean, we don’t see each other that much around the Kingdom because you are always busy, how much more if you are not here,”

“Are you confessing to me?” Seungmin asked as you smacked his arm lightly.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” But the prince just laughed as you jolted away, leaving the field.

“Cute,” He smiled and stayed there for a while thinking about his fate. You took a stroll down, leaving him but the thought of what you just said to him made an impact. It was stupid, no, maybe it was or maybe not, what the actual fuckー. Shaking your head, you just went back to where he was and sat in silence, letting him have his moment. You know Seungmin has already a lot on his plate, you don’t want to mess him up more.

“I thought you left?” He asked.

“It was an impulsive reaction,” You answered. “Just don’t mind me here, I know you need some time to breathe,”

“Thanks,” He smiled. “Thank you for caring,” You didn’t know what to say after that but it made your heart warm.

The night of the gathering arrived, and only the elites and royals were invited for the send-off. Seungmin was already there, waiting for his wife to arrive. They were enjoying the buffet and champagne, the music was played by an orchestra and the place has an elegant decorations for the occasion. You decided to wear a beige ball puffy gown that shows your bare shoulders, the hems of the silk cloth fall gently on the floor as the person enveloped with it carries grace. It had flowers and spiral patterns designed on it and gems that glow when it captures the light from the chandelier. Everyone was left in awe and mesmerized the moment you arrived at the entrance.

Seungmin's jaw dropped.

He never felt this way during the wedding and never appreciated anything from you except that your efforts of marrying him are relevant to the purpose of why. The Queen had to push his son to approach you after being stunned and wasn’t able to function for a minute. You have welcomed with warm greetings as a waiter offered a glass of champagne.

“Y/n, my dear, good evening!” The Queen greeted you as you bowed at her.

“Good evening Your Highness,” You smiled and looked at Seungmin who was behind her.

“Beautiful as always, my Dear,” Seungmin said, taking your hand before kissing it. It was new to both of you, but it was heart-fluttering and painted blush on your cheeks. You wanted to drink every glass of champagne to lower the panic. He’s been giving mixed signals or maybe it is part of the act of pretending to be in love.

“Dashing as always, Your Highness,” You greeted back.

“Let me steal your wife for a while, I missed their presence in the palace,” The Queen said hooking her arm around yours as she take you away. Seungmin was hesitating but his mother and you already emerged through the crowd. The King is even busier with his allies at the moment and the Prince is left with no one but Jisung, his assistant who also became your close friend.

“Stop staring at Y/n, they’re going to melt in no time,” Jisung scoffed as he took a sip of his glass of champagne.

“I am not staring,” Seungmin defended.

“Liar,” Jisung retorted as Seungmin glared at him.

“Words,” The Prince said as the latter raised his hands in surrender. But it was a fact, he is indeed staring at you. Any Prince will stare at you at how you showed up this evening. Seungmin already acknowledged your beauty but never paid attention to the details until now. You are beautiful.

“Attitude,” Jisung said rolling his eyes.

“What’s with my attitude?” Seungmin scoffed as Jisung sighed in response.

“An asshole,”

“Get out of my sight, stupid,” Seungmin said as Jisung just shrugged his shoulders.

“I bet my position that you are falling in love, but if not, you can fire me,”

“You need to convince me first,” Seungmin deadpanned as Jisung shake his head.

“Whatever, Your Highness,” This was his cue to leave and Seungmin stood there with a glass of champagne in one hand.

You were distracted with his mother and didn’t realize how many glasses of that strong drink you had taken. Maybe five or six? You are willing to have another one or more for sure even if you are already starting to get dizzy at the moment. The conversation is all about Seungmin and how she is going to miss him when he leaves tomorrow, not knowing when he will be back. You wanted to say that you would feel the same with his absence but you hesitated. Even learned that he is having a hard time expressing himself so you had to deal with it for a while. Maybe everyone assumed that this is a love-driven affinity but you two are still trying to build something. Maybe friendship first?

You stood there with the seventh empty glass of champagne and placed it gently on the tray to the waiter who walk passed. “Seungmin is a responsible kid, he is smart, kind, and loving,” “Sometimes you can’t read him and he doesn’t know how to express himself,” “Understand him more,” But you are, he knows that you care and now look at him staring at you from across the hall. His black suit shines with the silver epaulettes adorning his broad shoulders and a white sash that adds to the elegance. He stood tall and firm with that gorgeous face of his. You want to blame the champagne for having weird thoughts and dizziness ーyou shouldn’t have drank too much.

“I’m going to check on my husband first,” The Queen said excusing herself as you smiled in response.

The busy crowd of royals and elites was filled with conversation about politics and relationships. Even the occurring war in the South and Western borders of Empyrean. It is quite weird to impose a gathering about sending off when his men are struggling to fight for the kingdom’s sovereignty. But of course, that is none of your business to mess up with this party. This is for a cause anyway.

You stare at him as you slowly walk in his direction. He couldn’t stop looking at you either and he didn’t know why. Maybe because of how you look or was it the glass of champagne he had or was it Jisung’s words that struck him? He must’ve been drunk, no, he wasn’t, it was just you. You didn’t know what came all over you that you suddenly wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you closer by the waist in response as your lips met his. It was impulsive but eventually, he kissed you back. A lot has happened, over two months and the past three days, maybe he will miss you.

Yes, he will. His lips tasted the same as yours. The champagne took all over your mouths as you deepened the kiss. It doesn’t matter who saw it, you didn’t care but Seungmin suddenly pulled away as he grabbed your hand, took you out from the hall, and headed upstairs to the balcony where no one could see you. He closed the curtains and the door before turning back and kissing you again. It felt so exclusive when everyone knew about the affair. You pulled him closer as he hugged you tightly to kiss you properly. His head is tilted to the side, indulging the gentleness of your soft lips while tasting the lingering flavor of champagne. Seungmin bit your lower lip, slowly sucking it. A soft sound escaped your lips as he smirked in between taking your lips as a whole. Of course, it is different from the kiss you shared at the altar and this is on another level.

“You had too much champagne, my Love,” Seungmin said, giving you a peck on the lips before pulling away.

“No,” You smiled sheepishly, feeling the dizziness that causes you to lose balance. “I don’t know but—” You paused, almost fainting in Seungmin’s arms but he was quick to catch you. “I think I’m going to miss you,” The prince smiled, pulling you for a hug and burying his face in the crook of your neck. It’s probably because of the champagne. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Yes,” He said, looking at you before placing a kiss on your forehead.

It’s probably because of the champagne…

“You should be careful with your alcohol intake,” You heard him say as he assisted you on his bed, carrying you in bridal style.

“For your information, Your Highness, champagne has only 12% alcohol—”

“How many glasses did you have?” He asked, placing you gently on his bed.

“I forgot,” You answered, feeling drowsy. “The bubbles had me drunk,” But Seungmin couldn’t stop smiling. “You look so cute, I’m going to miss that pretty face of yours,” He just sat beside you as he continued to listen to your babbling. It was cute, he admits. Your hands cupped his cheeks and smiled cheekily as he felt the redness of his face. “I’m starting to feel sleepy,”

“You should go to sleep,” Seungmin said. “You have to send me off tomorrow morning,”

“I don’t want to,” You pouted.

“You’re drunk, Y/n,” Seungmin insisted as you chuckled in response. “Get some sleep,”

“Give me a kiss first,” You said. He did not hesitate to lean closer and gave you a long kiss, making you play with his hair, but it didn’t last long.

“Good night,” He said, pulling away and that’s when you fell asleep. Seungmin stayed awake for a while. The thought of leaving you tomorrow will make him miss you even if your bond only lasted for a few days. It is impulsive, everything happened in a rush, did you happen to fall in love already? Or you were just under the influence of that drink? Seungmin doesn’t know.

He kissed your forehead for the last time before laying on the other side of the bed, anticipating what will happen tomorrow.

You woke up with a headache the next morning and were curious as to why you are in an unfamiliar bedroom. Maybe you have been here before but a hangover struck you like lightning. Seungmin is nowhere to be found, he probably just left and flashbacks started to flood from last night the moment you sat up. You forgot the sunlight that peeks through the thin curtains that drape the tall windows to the floor. All you could think about was the thing that happened last night. I shouldn’t have several glasses of champagne, I don’t have a high tolerance, fuck!

“Your Highness?” You heard a maid knock as she enters the room.

“Good morning?” You greeted.

“Good morning,” She bowed. “The Prince is expecting you in an hour, we need to get you ready,” Then it suddenly sinks in… Seungmin’s leaving this morning.

“Fuck,” You murmured.

“Shall we fix you up?” She asked as you stood up.

“Do what you must,” You said.

An hour passed, and you rushed outside the room and headed towards the hall where the gathering was being held last night. Carrying your dress, you saw Seungmin talking with the Queen as the King stood beside him. All eyes turned to you as they heard your footsteps tapping the steps of the stairs and a smile formed on the Prince’s lips. He remembered what happened last night and probably it was nothing to you. But the impact it left made him feel weird.

“You’re awake,” Seungmin beamed.

“Am I late?” You asked.

“I was about to leave,” He said taking a few steps and offering his hand to assist you.

“Did you sleep together?” The Queen asked.

“Mother, don’t,” Seungmin defended.

“Just slept?” The King smirked. “My son doesn’t want to leave without saying goodbye,”

“Father,” Seungmin called as the King shrugged his shoulders.

“I must go to the carriage first,” The King said as he excused himself and bowed before exiting the hall, followed by the Queen.

“Excuse my parents,” Seungmin sighed. “Were you in a rush?”

“I was afraid you’d leave without seeing me,” You smiled.

“Was this because of last night?” Seungmin chuckled.

“What?”

“Nothing,” He smiled. “Will you be okay?”

“I guess,” You frowned. “But I will wait for your return,”

“As you should,” He smiled again and kissed your forehead. “I will be back in no time,”

The sounds of the horses from the carriage whine at the sight of the King and Queen made Seungmin look outside as you stared at the floor. A sign of hurry and immediate time. The King already settled inside as the Queen talked to him about a few reminders and the royal guards on standby on their horses both front and back of the carriage for security. Meanwhile, Seungmin examined the scenery outside as you took a deep breath before earning his attention again. You shouldn’t be feeling this way. But then again, the scenarios from last night have changed the shared feelings among each other. From loveless to a slow burn. You may have fallen first for your impulsiveness and the lack of thinking about your actions first. And yet Seungmin can’t blame you. Even if this was a loveless marriage, you had to agree about Jisung’s opinions about falling in love in between. Eventually.

Everyone was waiting for the Prince to hop inside the carriage. He smiled at you and bowed. Neither said a word as he left the hall. You followed him to his vehicle and stood a few meters behind the Queen, unknown of how you should feel on his departure. Seungmin smiled one last time and greeted his mother goodbye but you couldn’t just stand there and watch him leave without giving affection. You ran towards him and gave the most endearing hug, a sign that you would miss his presence around the palace and the Chateau. His promise to come back immediately will remain and you promised to wait for him even if it would take months. The war already reached its worse. Murder and arson, invasion of the town in the West and South, it is dangerous. May God protect your people and the King and most especially the Prince.

“Don’t miss me too much, Y/n,” Seungmin said.

“I already do,” You smiled bitterly as he let out a small chuckle.

“I will write to you, I promise,” He said. “And please handle the parliament for me?”

You could only give him a nod in response before giving a peck on his lips. This is not about a loveless marriage anymore. It may have changed over a few days and you are willing to help him go through this war and wait for him to come back, no matter how long.

“Keep safe,” You smiled and that was the last time you saw him before he disappeared from your sight.

And for the first week, you never heard of him and never stayed in the Chateau often as you used to. You learned to ride a horse during his absence and raise to the field alone, studying more about diplomacy and war. The Queen ruled in her husband’s place and has gotten busier by his efforts. Novels and other fairytales were forgotten in your interest but the thoughts of your husband remained when you arrive home. The emptiness of your place is the same as you walk inside their palace. Distraction never helps, archery doesn’t do either, and studying makes it worse.

You heard from a messenger that Seungmin is doing well in his duty. His intelligent mind is used efficiently on how to stop this chaos, unarmed or with the presence of weapons. He took your advice diligently and sent diplomats to Seraphina to further discuss the matter. The second week has been the same, no letter arrived that conceived your sadness. You miss him. You think of him. The bond that you created just then is enough to feel this way but you don’t know about Seungmin. Does he ever feel the same? Or has he forgotten everything about you?

It’s every afternoon you visit the field with your horse to think about him, despite the responsibilities he left to you alongside Jisung. The latter seems to be more annoying than usual. But the comfort of his words that are devoted to the love of His Royal Highness to you gives you hope. You wanted to hear more than an expected letter to arrive. Yet you still miss him, dearly. Especially when he sent some poppies to your Chateau’s garden as a symbol of remembrance and hope. How could you not fall for such a man? His letter arrived three weeks later and it painted a smile on your face. It made you feel alive for once in the past few weeks, and time flies fast ever since he left for war. A month and a week and counting.

You sat on the flat surface of the fountain in the middle of the garden as you opened the very first letter he sent. Hyunjin arrived just this afternoon, fresh from the five-hour horse ride from the Western border of Empyrean. The man was exhausted as he rested in your chamber and the maids left you alone. Jisung was nowhere to be found since this morning but you are thankful not to listen to his babbling and gossip from town. But it doesn’t matter for now.

My beloved Princess,

It’s been a while since I left home and I miss you dearly. I think about you every day and never miss taking at least an hour to think about what to write. I apologize for taking my time to compose myself and send you a message of my love. A lot has happened in the borders of war but I guarantee my safe return home.

How are the poppies that I have sent? I am sure they bloomed beautifully just like you. The garden probably looks more pleasing with you around. And I cannot wait to see them grow and take care of them with you.

The sunset is lovely today but it will be much better to see it in the field that you showed me the last time and I wish to not worry you as I am doing fine. The Seraphinian rebels have made huge casualties in the Empyrean borders and my men and I are doing our best to protect our home. The war has taken many lives of our people including our man and has abused the sovereignty of our state. It might take a while before I can go home and hug you. I hope you are doing much better than me, my Love and I cannot wait to see you.

Please wait for me.

Sincerely yours, Prince Seungmin

Tears left your eyes upon closing the stationary on your hands. The envelope smells like him and it made you miss him even more and how much more on his side when you are the only one he could think of. Your husband made efforts and fought with his men and his father. He thought that you will be furious when you finds out he brought bruises and cuts to his beautiful face as well as the injuries for being brave. But he knows you are proud. And you always are.

The second letter arrived after almost a month and your hair got longer, got busier and wiser. But the habit of coming to the field every afternoon still remains as well as the war. You worry about Seungmin every day and you wish him to come home. The letters he sent are the only ones who kept your faith stronger than ever. This loveless marriage has already climbed to a love-driven affinity and you wanted to feel more about it once the war is over. Hyunjin has been your messenger and he is always delighted to bring good news that the terrorists from Seraphina are slowly raising the white flag. The Prince might come home soon.

The third letter came two weeks after the second one. You thought he is finally coming home but an ambush happened when they finally invaded the camping site of the terrorists on the Seraphinian border. It will hold him there for a little while. Jisung must’ve sensed your disappointment that he stopped sending a few reports for you to settle with the parliament for a few days. Instead, you went back to reading the novels of your interest in the library but Seungmin keeps messing with your head. You tossed the book on your desk and went out to the stables to fetch your horse. A little afternoon stroll would help you calm down.

It has been days since you read the letter that brought your disappointment and you miss your husband dearly. Nothing beats this feeling of worry when he decided to stay back for another while. And to count the time he’s not around, it has already reached months. The full moon has passed, some of the flowers in the garden have wilted, the sunset that you witness in the field has changed, and the skies suddenly turned gloomy than those days that you are with him. The two months of pre-marriage weren’t enough and even the few weeks after that, the few days before he left and the night when you got drunk and kissed him for the sake of your impulsive feelings.

You sat on the grass as your horse stood a few meters away to feed himself. It made you fall into your deep thoughts and how you miss him so much. The cold breeze of the afternoon had added to the solemn feeling that you felt at the moment. And just like every other afternoon you had spent in the field, Seungmin’s presence never came. You stared at the horizon and admired the mountains as the sun started to set slowly but it is still bright to go back to the Chateau and drown yourself in the study again. Never in a day do you miss him.

A sigh escaped your lips as you straighten the lower part of your sage green gown on the cool grass to sit properly as your hair swayed with the moderate gushing of wind. The flowers that grew around bowed and some of the petals flew south. It was beautiful that you wish that Seungmin could see this. The view had stopped you from reading between the pages of a thick book that tells a story about a widowed queen who lost her husband in a war. You didn’t want that to happen to you too. The angsty vibe it gave made you sullen and hopeless. You know Seungmin will come home any day now and you hope that the war will end at dawn. Patience and prayers are all you have now. It was his promise. The Queen has been as restless as you but she encourages you to be strong. It happened once before you came to be his son’s wife and she is firm that her husband and the Prince will come home safe and sound.

You closed the book and placed it gently on the side as your eyes focused on the view again. It didn’t matter how beautiful it was and all you did is lay on the grass in boredom. You looked at the blue sky as the clouds passed by in a rush. It is probably because of the wind. You grew tired of blaming other things for what is happening in everything and wish to the heavens for your husband to come home. Tired of studying, tired of reading, tired of archery and fencing, tired of expecting his presence, tired of showing fake smiles, tired of being alone, one more bit of this will make you go crazy and stuff.

I will be home soon.

That’s what he said in the last letter you got from Hyunjin.

“Fuck, when will the war ends?” You asked the heavens.

“It just did,” You flinched at the familiar voice coming from behind that made you sit up immediately and look. “Empyrean and Noctifer won the war Sweetheart, I’m home,”

“Seungmin!” You cried as you stood up and dragged your gown, running towards him. His hair grew longer and his wounds are already healed but it didn’t downgrade his beauty. He was wearing his white satin polo and black pants with his belt that carries his sword. Seungmin is breathtaking as always. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he pulled you by the waist to press on his body. His scent is built with fresh flowers and cinnamon. Tears formed in your eyes as they cascaded to your cheeks, the same with Seungmin who missed you so much. His lips captured yours to show how eager he is to be with you again and he couldn’t wait to spend his days with you. The war finally ended. He’s home now and you are happy. “I was worried that it will take you a while to go home,” You cried, pulling away.

“I had dealt with Seraphina to execute the terrorists, we took over the ambush and captured themー” But Seungmin didn’t get to finish his sentence when you kissed him again. Your lips molded together as he deepened the kiss, desperate for more until you were out of breath. “Fuck, I missed you so much,”

“Me too,” You answered in between your sobs. Seungmin’s hands reached your cheeks and wiped your tears away, with his forehead connected with yours. “Don’t leave me again,”

“No, no, I won’t,” He said, kissing your forehead before holding your hands as he intertwined your fingers together. “I’m here now,”

“How did you know I was here?” You asked.

“Jisung told me but I always knew you come here,” He smirked. “You always think of me don’t you?” He asked, fixing your hair.

“I always do. Every day, every morning until I sleep,” You confessed. “I don’t know, I think I have fallen in love with you, even before the night we kissed, Iー” He didn’t let you finish that now and captured your lips again, desperate, again, after the longingness he felt when he was at war.

“I love you,” He said in between the kiss.

“I love you too,” You smiled as he gave you a peck on the lips before pulling away and coming for an embrace, caressing your hair.

“I can’t wait to spend my time with you, Y/n,” Hugging him felt so comforting as you close your eyes, hugging him tightly not wanting to let him go again. Seungmin felt the same. Maybe it is time to make another start where two people fall in love. The end of the war has sent them to their homes and find comfort. Desperate and excited to spend the rest of their lives together is something to look forward to. The Princess has fallen first, but the Prince has fallen more deeply.

Seungmin placed a poppy in your hair before giving you another peck on the lips and smiled. “You’re so beautiful,” He said.

“You’re beautiful too, so breathtaking,” You answered.

“You’re only mine, right?” Seungmin asked before hugging you again. You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled.

“I’m yours,” You said and kissed him again.

Maybe it was because of a drunken kiss that happened the night before left or the way he loves your attitude toward him. There are a lot of reasons to fall in love. Some may happen impulsively but they take time to form into something serious just like how your situation is with Seungmin. But sometimes there are unknown reasons. Maybe you two belong there. It may be confusing, but one thing’s for sure with Seungmin; the Empyrean prince cascades.

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