#private contract

[agentmilayawithshield]

A gift that keeps on giving!!!

[noyzinerd]

Sterek Rival Lawyers AU

It's A (Court) Date

Imagine, high-class, Ivy League, hot-shot, attorney Derek comes back from New York to the family firm to take over as partners with his sister after his parents decide to step down. He may not be on the level of his mother yet, but he's cut his teeth against Wall Street wolves and ruthless white-collar sharks. Derek's more than proved himself, so he just can't fathom these small criminal court cases his family is making him take "before he's truly ready" to be a part of the family business.

Enter in his first case. Right out the gate, the state assigned defense is, not only late to court, but also arrives in a flurry of limbs and papers, tripping all over himself, and profusely apologizing to the room as a whole. "Sorry! Sorry! Car trouble!"

The guy is out of breath, tie crooked and hair a mess. It makes Derek wrinkle his nose at the unprofessionalism and the blatant disrespect to everyone's valuable time.

The presiding judge, the Honorable Ms. Lydia Martin, only sighs a heavy sigh, as if this sight is nothing new, and says "Mr. Stilinski, I suggest you don't let it happen again."

Derek is honestly getting annoyed by how easy this is going to be. He could've been doing literally anything else right about now rather than being here going against a common rent-a-lawyer with some Podunk community-college degree. The opening statement for the defense is laughably inept. Full of nervous stuttering, backtracking, running tangents, and babbling. He's still apologizing, trying to assure the jury that he's just having an off-day today.

It's embarrassing to watch.

Nonetheless, Derek goes through the motions, practiced and poised. Examines all the evidence, presenting times and dates, prior arrest records, the works.

During this time, Mr. Stilinski is frantically (and VERY LOUDLY) flitting through a cartoonishly large stack of papers and whispering to his client. Derek has to fight to grit his teeth through his presentation.

Finally, it's time for Mr. Stilinski to cross-examine Derek's client and, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of Derek's long, long spiral of madness for the rest of his career.

"Judge Martin, I would like to move to have this case thrown out."

"Oh?" asks Judge Martin. For some reason, there's an amused smirk, almost fond, tugging at her lips "On what grounds?"

A giddy, almost manic, grin takes over the defense attorney's face just then. "On the grounds that the prosecution's client is full of bullshit."

The judge rolls her eyes and an exasperated "Stiles," slips from her lips, seemingly against her will. (Derek's not really surprised by the familiarity between the two of them. With how often state-assigned lawyers are called to the courtroom on small cases, it wouldn't be too big of a leap to suggest they might be chummy.)

"Respectfully, of course." Mr. Stilinski--er Stiles?--winks back at her.

"Objection. Your honor, this is ridiculous."

"Overruled. Make your point, Stilinski."

"Mr. Davis says he saw my client at 12:30 P.M., on August 4th, attempting to take his back-right hubcap outside his apartment. Mr. Davis' apartment complex at that time, on that particular day, would have cast a huge shadow over the back lot as evidenced by the gaudy sundial-art-installation outside the courthouse. Meanwhile, my client's picture, when taken in for questioning, has a sunburn on the entire right side of his face. This would corroborate Mr. Lyle's story of walking home alone, down the upper, unshaded side of Elmore Street, during one of the hottest days of the year, for an hour straight. Also, the fact that Mr. Davis has no realistic idea how long it would actually take a person to steal a hubcap should be evidence enough."

"Uh-huh. And this wouldn't happen to be something you've ever had any expertise in, would it, counsel?"

"I plead the 5th."

And just like that, Derek's case is thrown out so quick, he's still reeling about it all the way home.

For the next two years, this becomes Derek's life. This man, this Stiles Stilinski, keeps showing up like a whirlwind and absolutely puts him in his paces.

Stiles, as he insists Derek call him, is a powerhouse. Relentless and unstoppable. That mouth can filibuster for literal hours (which, for those unfamiliar, is when someone legally cannot be forced to give up their time on the floor as long as they can keep talking), that brain quick as a whip, with a hunger for research, a mastery of the English language svelte enough to trip up even the most well-rehearsed lie, and an attention to detail like nothing Derek has ever witnessed before. It's like he knows every law inside and out. Lives it. Breathes it. It's like he had been raised on the law his whole life. Not only that, it's like Stiles enjoys it. Every case is a new game to get excited about.

All of it makes Derek's blood boil.

However, it's not always about losing to Stiles all the time, because, honestly, that might be less humiliating.

In truth, when faced against Stiles, Derek's bound to win about 60% of the time. Out of that 60%, only 5% of those wins actually feel earned. As for the other 55%?

He knows Stiles is letting him win.

Derek can't prove it, but he knows the asshole is holding back on purpose nearly half the time. Knowing that Stiles could have beaten him if he wanted to, but didn't, is somehow more frustrating than just losing.

He hates Stiles.

He hates that the guy is so chipper and playful all the damn time. He hates that Stiles could probably work at any firm he wanted, could make enough money to get a decent car that doesn't shit out all the time, could buy a proper-fitting suit, but instead CHOOSES to stay here "watching out for the little guy", as he so put it.

He hates that facing Stiles in court is the most challenged, the most motivated he's ever felt in his entire life. He hates that Stiles brings out in him the spark of passion and drive Derek had long thought had died. He hates that Stiles always tries to banter with him during recess or whenever they have to exchange evidence.

He hates finding out that Stiles only loses cases on purpose when his endless amounts of research points to the defendant actually being guilty of horrendous crimes, because Stiles is a good fucking person.

He hates Stiles' constant teasing and he hates that Stiles is somehow able to bring Derek down to his childish level to tease back. He hates how much he looks forward to court-dates with Stiles now. He hates being invited out by Stiles over and over to grab a bite together after a long day, as if Stiles hasn't been wiping the floor with him on this case for the last month. He hates it even more that he always accepts and that now they have their own designated booth at the diner across the street. Derek's so unbelievably frustrated, it makes him want to bite Stiles at the neck just to hear that smartass mouth squeal.

"Hey, I ever tell you I was thinking of quitting before you arrived?" Stiles asks one night as they're walking to their cars.

Derek's head immediately snaps to him at that. "What?"

Stiles smiles distantly at the thought. "Oh, yeah. Things had started feeling like being trapped in a cubicle, y'know? There wasn't any challenge in it anymore."

"What made you stay?"

"Well...you did. You were the first, serious competition I'd faced in a while. It wasn't a matter of winning just to win, anymore. Going against you always reminded me of the reason why it was important for me to win. It gave me stakes, because now there was an actual chance I could lose and an innocent person could go to jail. You, I don't know, kinda reignited my passion for fighting the good fight, I guess."

Derek can feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. He wants to say 'You did the same for me!' He wants to tell Stiles that he didn't think his life could ever be this fun or happy or messy or chaotic or exhilarating or challenging or fulfilling before coming to Beacon Hills.

But just as Derek goes to open his mouth to sing Stiles' praises, he instead finds himself roughly shoving him up against the Camaro and biting hungrily at that mouth and tongue that's been the bane of his existence. There's a surprised little squeak that Derek quickly swallows up, but it isn't long before they're both tearing at each others' clothes and fucking each other dirty in the backseat of Derek's car.

What's crazy is, after they get together, nothing in their careers really changes. The only difference is now they get to fuck each others' brains out after an intense battle in court (and the sound Stiles makes when Derek bites him is exactly what he always imagined it would sound like). They still face against each other on opposite sides in court. They still give it everything they got, no conceding even if they are dating now. Not to mention, Derek wouldn't dream of tempting Stiles over to his firm. Not when he knows Stiles is at his best staying where he's at.

The day Derek's family finally decides it's time for him to take over the firm with Laura is the best day of his and Stiles' lives.

Not only does Derek tell them he's declining, he hires Stiles as his attorney to negotiate terms against his entire family of well-seasoned lawyers.

The entire month-long negotiation results in Derek, not saying a single word, but absolutely beaming as he watches his boyfriend run circles around his mother, his father, his uncle, and both of his sisters on contracts. It's so unbelievably hot, they're banging on whatever flat surface they can get their hands on every time they leave the boardroom. There's even one very memorable blowjob in the empty hall outside the boardroom when Stiles somehow manages to get Peter to agree to a (most likely illegal) clause dictating the firm will pay Stiles a finder's fee for any pro-bono case Stiles takes on outside of Beacon Hills that strikes his fancy.

And, no one says it, but they all know Derek definitely, 100%, dragged his own firm through this negotiation just to show off how incredible Stiles is to his family and preen about it.

--

Fast-forward, Derek is going to be in the audience for the first time for one of Stiles' cases.

While waiting in the hall, Derek sees a familiar face from his New York days. The prosecution has hired the eighth best lawyer money can get, Jackson Whittemore. He's sporting a Rolex, sunglasses indoors, and the face of someone who thinks he's above literally every other person in town.

Well, at least until he sees Derek.

For some reason, Jackson seems to think Derek is all the way out in the middle of nowhere to 'watch a master at work' (which...well...is technically true...).

As Derek goes to sit in the audience, Jackson tells him in passing, "This'll be over so fast, probably won't even get a chance to learn the other guy's name."

Derek chuckles and says back, "Ooh, buddy, you have no idea."

Before Jackson can think more on that, a whirlwind of limbs and papers suddenly hurls through the doors.

Derek sits back, gets comfy, and waits eagerly for the show to begin.

My first moodboard. Hope you enjoy. AU based on a discussion with @casually-eat-my-soul (I suggest checking out their version). This was kind of like a divergence from that (the brain juices just started flowing).

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

first-person perspective tour of love&deepspace exhibition at shanghai bw2024 comic-con part 4

players interact with sylus, rafayel, xavier, zayne

[kdramaspace]

POTW: CONTRACT MARRIAGE vs. FAKE DATING (as voted by our members and followers)

A Business Proposal (2022), Doom at Your Service (2021), Her Private Life (2019), Crash Landing on You (2019), Love in Contract (2022), Something About 1% (2016), Hwayugi (2017)

[gojoest]

[shanklin]

It’s the most honest job Stan’s ever had.

Sure, the company he’s working for is downright diabolical, scamming their customers in all aspects of life, but that’s not Stan’s problem.

As Le Ville Corp’s most successful customer service agent in the Oregon area his only job is to follow the company guidelines, sell as many bad deals as possible and never ever let anyone back out of a contract. 

Morality aside, nothing the company does is actually illegal, so at the end of the day Stan gets to collect his almost-minimum-wage-sized paycheck and go home in the knowledge, that no pigs will come knocking on his door anytime soon.

Life is good. Or at least as good as it gets where Stan is concerned. Last month he even got a raise for selling every bad product the company had to offer to one poor kind sucker. 

From household appliances to car insurance, magazine subscriptions and even their extremely shitty telephone and electricity contracts - the McGucket guy brought it all.

Thanks to him, Stan could upgrade from his car to an almost black mold free one room appartment with a community bathroom one block over.

Stan was finally moving up in the world and then his phone rings. He recognises the number. It’s his good friend Fiddle-not-gonna-say-the-rest McGucket.

Stan grins and cracks his knuckles. It’s about time McGucket figured out he’s gotten scammed. Time to make the poor guy’s life a living hell. No one is getting out of a contract on his watch.

“Thank you for calling Le Ville Corp. For us you are more than just a customer. You are family! This is Piers. How can I help you today?”

The moment Stan starts his greeting, he is bombarded with noise disturbances from the other side.

Ah, the good old Le Ville Corp telephone network working as intended. Maybe Stan can convince the guy to upgrade to a slightly less egregious version. 

Wait, what did he say?

His name is Dr. Stammered Lynes? Weird, but okay. Still better than Fiddle-nope-not-saying-it Hardon McGucket.

As it turns out, Stan finally met the mysterious roommate whose money McGucket has been using to pay for all of their products. Stan didn’t think the guy had it in him to ditch his roommate after the scam got discovered. Good for him!

Now, how to best screw Dr. Lynes here over.

***

An hour and a half of data security safety questions and a new phone contract later the doc hangs up to Stan’s cheery and corporate mandated farewell:

“And don’t forget we here at Le Ville Corp consider you our forever family, because you will stay with us forever!”

***

Stanford Pines just had the worst month of his life [not counting the weeks after the science fair that he refuses to think about].

The portal test was a disaster, his partner left, his muse refuses to explain himself and on top of all of that his new fridge won’t open, because this week’s subscription fee hasn’t been paid yet.

What the f-FIDDLEFORD!

[crows-murder]

it was ON SIGHT and it was so fucking funny. get his ass king!!! the SECOND jeremy let him go jean was out the door and hauling brysons ass onto lailas car

[cactuskat]

Demon Swap: Sebastian from "Black Butler" and Lord Sullivan from "Welcome to Demon School Iruma-Kun!"

Imagine if you will, a Ciel who makes his deal with Lord Sullivan, but Sullivan does not require a soul, instead requesting that Ciel become his grandson. This has to be the easiest deal a human has ever struck with a demon, but oh, how mistaken that was.

Ponder perhaps, an Iruma who's soul is sold by his parents to the starving demon Sebastian, only for Sebastian to find, he'd like instead to refine this soul before devouring it, afterall he is a demon a finer tastes, and thus the Butler persona is born.

Ciel returns home with an... estranged relative(?) eager to take Gaurdianship over the newly orphaned earl

Iruma is taken to the demon realm, suddenly placed upon the lap of luxury, with a loyal butler pleased to do whatever he says- only Iruma has no clue what he even wants

Is Ciel safe- Oh yes, definitely, Lord Sullivan is formitable force when he wants to be, and he will tear apart anyone who dares attempt to hurt his grandbaby, and what's more is more than willing to do anything he asks as per their agreement. But oh, oh how Ciel often replays the events of that terrible day, and wishes he perhaps negotiated for different terms for their contract...

Ciel, tries to solve a murder, as Sullivan Fawns in the background ("Oh my goodness look how cute my grandson is!!! He's doing such a good job, don't you think Opera?? I should find him a little detective's outfit, he'd be just precious!!!!!" "NO!")

Iruma meanwhile is far too aware of the fact that he's just glorified wagyu, but you know what? This might as well be how his miserable life ends, he could enjoy it... he supposes... just has to learn how to enjoy things. Thankfully Sebastian is one hell of a butler and knows just what Iruma wants right when he needs it

and of course he helps out behind the scenes at every chance he gets, he's not going to let his snack be discovered by the rest of demon kind afterall. Sometimes not even behind the scenes, school rules be damned, any butler worth his salt goes wherever his master does. Professor Kalego hates him

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

As the pic was discussed in the latest podcast, here's the Vanity Fair interview.

[petit-papillion]

Charles getting called out by a Redditor:

The offending Instagram post:

To be honest, I kind of had my suspicions about the sushi-eating photos from his flight from NYC to Austin. Dude had been bundled up like a Michelin Man in New York, and even in Austin he was wearing a sweater, but on the plane he was only in a t-shirt? Plus in the sushi-plane photos he was wearing a different ring than he's been wearing in NYC and Austin, along with what looks like the old Forza Ferrari bracelet that he hasn't worn on ages. I understand if he has to post stuff for his sponsors, but things like this do make me question how truthful he is with some of his content.

And while we have no way of knowing whether the Redditor is telling the truth, it's a reminder for us not to believe everything posted on social media. Btw, if the account is true, I can totally see Charles going to Business Class while poor Andrea and Joris have to sit in Economy. 🤭

[nolshru]

eh, I always see this disclaimer, so even though it absolutely goes without saying - none of this is legal advice, it is just a bored law student talking about something interesting, and much of this has a high likelihood to be incorrect, don't listen to me for any reason other than entertainment pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepl

so, I was reading the Discord terms of service when I noticed the "don't do anything else that's illegal"

and like, "'anything else that's illegal' means 'anything else that's illegal'" is just... really silly - this is completely unenforceable

so, how do we define illegality? for most legal systems its really easy, all crimes are statutory in most of them, and actually beyond that, most of them have criminal codes, so it can be easily resolved for a country like Germany, or France, or Italy by saying "for the purposes of this document, 'anything else that's illegal' refers to any offense listed in the criminal code of the user's country"

this doesn't *really* work, though, because many countries, particularly those in common law systems, such as England and Wales, the USA, or Australia, do not have criminal codes (though, there are some common law systems with criminal codes, like Canada (maybe including quebec? honestly don't know, it doesn't use the same legal system as elsewhere in Canada), these are rare), common law's law based on precedent means that a good deal of crimes aren't even statutory to any real extent (oh, just for the sake of it, and me having this knowledge, Scotland doesn't have a criminal code - this is just relevant because it's both a civil and common law system, so ye, unsure about any other hybrid system (oh, Quebec is back, hi Quebec))

this term remains unenforceable, really, like, what constitutes illegality just isn't defined, so, what would some alternatives be? (all of these will be relevant to Scotland, because I know Scotland best)

Option 1: For the purposes of this document, "anything else that is illegal" refers to statutory offenses not otherwise described in this document

this doesn't include all crimes, but it includes a lot of the most serious crimes, such as not reporting how many female salmon you have in your fish farm, not keeping records on fish sales for 3 years, or catching a sea fish that are the wrong size (I tried to find specifics, but Marine and Coastal Access Act 2009 was very vague and I really don't want to keep looking through fish related legislation) - I think this is probably my preferred solution, but like, it really does not apply to every law, common law is a huge aspect of how criminality is described in Scotland - notably, the writings of Baron Hume are excluded, which like, until fairly recently was the source of crimes as serious as rape and serious sexual assault, so like, yeah, it's definitely not a perfect solution, there's probably other cases like that

Option 2: For the purposes of this document, "anything else that is illegal" refers to any behaviour that Discord considers to be illegal

this works, but it gives Discord uh... a lot of power that I wouldn't want it to have - surprised this *isn't* what Discord says, but like, I'm glad it isn't

Option 3: For the purposes of this document, "anything else that is illegal" refers to <list of things that are considered illegal>

this also works, but I think it's weaker and less effective than option 1, inclusio unius est exclusio alterius, after all, if you don't include something like "not informing customers as to the origin of fish sold", then you are impliedly giving permission to users that they are allowed to do that, so I really don't like this solution

Option 4: keep as is

I like this solution 2, sure it's unenforceable, but like, so are arbitration clauses and those are everywhere - even if you can't enforce a term in a contract, it's still a term in a contract, and people aren't just going to breach it because they can, it's like, fine and stuff

anyways, that was fun, bye

[doctorr-ivo-robotnik]

He told us about the contract and now you have to explain AGENT STONE-ROBOTNIK being his required name when you two have meetings together.

Okay FIRST OFF

I didn't make the contract. I only approved. I don't know if it makes that better or worse.

SECOND

Agent Stone-Robotnik is to a) piss off the government officials and b) show he is MY assistant. Also, only I (and like two other people) are allowed to know his first name. Even before he was working with me, people just called him Stone.

-- Dr. Robotnik

[phonoix]

Okay I know we're all in mourning from the finale, and rightfully so. But I'm gonna need (respectfully and this is also a joke) fic writers to write happy fics.

May I suggest: a Jayvik and Caitvi The Holiday AU because it's almost Christmas time? I'll let you think about it. Have a good day.

[esteemed-excellency]

@lord-emerson thanks for starting the trend!

[that-handsome-rogue]

ur unemployed

Sometimes I wish I was.

[dkettchen]

too many good news this week and my brain isn't used to that ToT