#probably gonna have her in some dumb love quarrel and by that I mean she’s just delusional and her crush def is confused

[venompeach]

Jjk self insert cuz I can, lil ol Kuwa

[notfckincool]

DIRTY GIRL CHAPTER 7 - LUCKY FUCKIN DAY

NEGAN X ANA (OC)

Ana embarks on a casual but obviously filthy affair with Negan, accidentally falling for the man, knowing he will never love her.

Angst and Kinky fuckery. Its Negan so expect swearing and strong sexual content throughout

CHAPTER 7- LUCKY FUCKIN DAY

NEGAN X ANA(OC)

SUMMARY: Busy life at the Sanctuary and Negan's new 'no shagging on the job' rule, means they've not been together for a while.

WARNING:🔞 swearing, Negan being Negan (ie: an asshole) usual dirty talk, f/f/m, mild humiliation, fingering, voyeurism, pussy spanking, masturbation, oral, facial (gotta be honest, this is pure filth)

It''s a big one, hahaha. I enjoyed writing from Negan's point of view and got a bit carried away.

Negan stands, Lucille nestled on his shoulder, proudly surveying his jubilant saviors on their return home.

The Sanctuary....His castle....The community HE built, from the shit storm of epic proportions, that left the remainder of the human race fighting for survival. Everyone here a cog in the well oiled machine, with a mission to save as many unfortunate souls as possible....And...bring some kind of fucking civilisation back to humanity. The Saviors...These men and women, these fucking magnificent soldiers, were the key to its success, the last line of defence for HIS citizens. His own personal army, a force to be reckoned with. They were a bunch of quarrelling fuckwits and murdery fucking hoodlums before he took this place. He made them what they are today. He gave them structure, rules, purpose. He made them strong. Look at them now.

As trucks are unloaded the mood is jovial. Today had been another productive damn day. There would be celebrations this evening. Rightly so. Fuck it, he's in a great mood, everyone gets extra vegetables at dinner, they deserved it.

Heading inside the large canteen, they are rewarded with good food and bottles of liquor. He watches over his people, observes their hearty laughter, loud banter, and congratulatory patting of backs. His eyes scan the room.

He leans back against the wall as his eyes rest on Ana. She's sat at a long table with Simon, a few of the other higher ranking warriors, and....that girl she always seems to be hanging with these days. He lowers Lucille to rest casually by his side. She'd done well, he'd known she would, and, she'd finally even got Simon's approval. Simon was right though, fucking her while on Savior business had been a mistake. While they were working EVERYONE needed to be focused. He didn't want to lose any one over some emotional shit, or by getting eaten on the job, so to speak. They'd had to cool it. Maybe they could get together when they both had free time, but with missions, meetings, and wives, it hadn't happened. A shame. It had been fun.

Sighing heavily he watches her as she laughs a full belly laugh, her head thrown back. She looks really fucking happy. As rare as rocking horse shit these days. It makes him smile.....briefly. His eyes fixate on Simon's hand patting her thigh, resting a little too long for his liking. He shifts uneasily from the wall, his jaw clenching, hand tightening momentarily around Lucille. The fucking fuck? His brow sets in a deep frown.

Ok..ok..calm your tits.....

It's probably just his imagination, but he might need to keep a fucking eye on that. Tearing his eyes away he looks down at the floor, inhaling deeply, rubbing his forehead, and trying to relax his jaw as he looks back over in Ana's direction.

The girls are now sharing a conversation that he can't hear. They move in closer to each other, real fucking close. Huh?

Cheering erupts. A drinking game has begun and a bottle of tequila is being passed around the table. The merriment continues, tables are banged enthusiastically, and numerous shots are knocked back. He shakes his head at his bunch of roguish fucking idiots.

There it was again. A touch of the girl's thigh. A firm squeeze. No mistaking. This time stroking higher, leaning right in. His brow arches as Ana kisses her, playfully nibbling at the girls lips. Tangling her fingers in the long tresses she pulls her in for a firmer kiss. Jeering breaks out.

"Get a fucking room you two"

Something is tossed across the table hitting Ana on the head. Breaking the kiss she tosses it back, laughing and giving them the middle finger. Jesus fucking Christ, sometimes It's like being at fucking high school with these morons. His attention is drawn back to the two women as they stand from the table.

So how long has this been going on?

She looks up. Her eyes meeting his. Hmmm.... Did she know he was there? Did she know he'd been watching? Neither looks away, locked in an unwavering stare as he tries to read her. A small smile plays at her lips as she whispers something in the girls ear before grabbing her hand and leading her hastily from the canteen.

Swinging lucille by his side, he takes a moment to process, pulls himself from the wall, bat on shoulder, and heads out into the corridor.

***

Turning the corner, towards Ana's room, the girl is pinned to the wall in a passionate kiss, a sense of urgency as she fumbles with the key in the lock. The door swings open. They tumble in. He saunters towards them, observing a moment before tapping loudly on the door with Lucille. When Ana spins around he studies her, his eyes narrowing, Lucille swinging gently by his side.

"Hi" he grins, taking a step forward into Ana's room.

"Hi" She moves protectively in front of her 'friend'

"Sorry to interrupt....." The grin fades as he peers around Ana for a better view of the girl. He's seen her around. Someone new Simon had recruited and trained, name escapes him though. Never really took much notice of her before. He looks her over. Similar to Ana in age, probably. Looks pretty badass, sweet though. Not bad. He definitely would. Flashes her one of his irresistible smiles. She seems to be struggling to maintain eye contact with him. He revels in the long awkward pause.

"...and you are?"

The girl swallows audibly and opens her mouth, but no words come out. He chuckles maintaining his stare. Ana glances over her shoulder looking quizzically at the suddenly dumb struck girl, shaking her head at her.

"This is Lily."

"Hey there Lily. Nice to finally meet you." He doesn't offer his hand, instead he twirls Lucille in his fingers, his tongue creeping out between his teeth. He can't resist looking her up and down again with a smirk. Immediately she blushes and looks down at the floor to hide her burning cheeks. That's cute. He chuckles.

"Not much of a talker huh?" Her eyes still glued to the floor he turns his attention back to Ana.

"Is she ok?" he mouths silently

"What do you want Negan?"

"You really have to ask? Ana, you know what I want." Placing lucille against the wall he takes another step closer, leaning into her space. Lily shrinks away behind Ana.

"No Negan, I dont." Her eyes search his "I dont know what you want from me"

"Yes...you fucking do" Lowering his face towards hers, he takes her by the hips. Lily shuffles uncomfortably while Ana holds his gaze.

"Oh, so you think you can just drop in whenever you feel like it, without an invitation"

"Oh girl, dont give me that shit. You know goddamn well I dont need an invitation. This is my place, I can do whatever the fuck I want" his thumb traces along her jaw

"What about what I want? ....What exactly are we doing here?"

"What do you wanna be doing?" He chuckles "This was your fucking idea. 'Why dont we come up with another arrangement', you said. I fucking remember it. Very fucking clearly." His thumb brushes over her lips "right before before you put my dick in that pretty little mouth of yours"

"That doesn't mean you can just call by whenever it suits you"

"That is EXACTLY what it means." He withdraws his hand " I gave you a choice. This is what you chose"

"Well, Im not just gonna sit here waiting for you" she smiles pulling Lily to her side.

"Yeah, I can see that" he glances over at Lily

"Look, I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions, and I made my choice. I'm NOT one of your wives remember" leaning into Lily she kisses her softly.

"Thank fuck for that, you'd drive me nuts" His eyes linger over the kiss "So this is what you get up to when I'm not around"

"Mhm. What did you expect? I got needs you know." The woman's lips part for Ana "...So if you dont mind...." she mumbles through the kiss

"I don't mind at all". He interrupts " I'm enjoying the fucking show, dont stop on my account"

".....If you don't mind" she continues "I'm quite busy, so you can shut the door on your way out"

Arching a brow he watches the girls, their tongues exploring each others mouths. His grip on her hips tightens, pushing himself against her so she can feel him hardening.

"Hahaha. Ya missed me right? I can read you like a goddamn book......Ok you got my attention, got me over here......with the TWO of you. I see what you're doing here." taking her by the chin he pulls her face to look in his eyes. "Yeah...." he smirks "....you missed me"

"Maybe....Maybe not" she swipes his hand away

"Maybe...maybe not" he mocks "Why you always got to be so damned difficult all the time? Fuck, you're infuriating. See..... I'm hearing the words coming out of your mouth, but your eyes are saying 'fuck me Negan' ......." he shrugs off his jacket

"Wow! You really are an arrogant fucker"

"....Fuck me, AND my horny friend" he continues "Am I right? Hahaha. I know what you want, and how you want it. I know what kinkyfuckery runs through your dirty mind"

"You absolutely sure about that" she retorts "Maybe...I actually didn't miss you, or your dick. Maybe...you're wrong." She smirks at him as she peels off her shirt

"Now I KNOW you're fucking lying" his tone no longer as playful. "Enough fucking teasing now. I told you before, don't play fucking games with me princess"

"And I told you before, don't call me princess" roughly she pulls lily towards her, pulling her shirt up over her head and tossing it to the floor "I dont need your permission to fuck someone else. You don't own me"

Taking Lily's face in her hands she kisses her passionately. Releasing her hips he grabs a handful of Ana's hair, tugging her head back, prising the girls apart.

"I said that's enough. Have you forgotten who's in charge around here?" He says into her ear, his voice stern, delivering a hard sharp slap to her ass "Have you forgotten who your dealing with?" Another rough tug makes her wince. "The Sanctuary is mine. The Saviors, ..are mine. You....Are mine."

Lily cautiously takes a couple of steps back, Ana chuckles triumphantly.

"There's my Negan. You know I like that. she bites her lip " I love it when he gets mad, Lily. We like to play rough. This is just our foreplay" she chuckles again. "Still wanna fuck him?"

"Well?" His eyes burn into Lily's "Do ya? You wanna be my dirty girl too? " He smirks darkly "then it looks like it's your lucky fucking day.....if you think you're up to it" he unfastens Ana's jeans "...Choice is yours sweetheart, nobody's forcing you to do anything you don't want to do." Still holding Ana's hair in a vice like grip he tugs her jeans down to her hips. "Stay,.. or leave, it's up to you...but it's now or fucking never Lily" he palms Ana's ass "...Gonna need an answer. Are you staying?"

Lily chews thoughtfully on her bottom lip and nods

"Then be a fuckin doll and shut the door"

Negan's eyes follow Lily as she closes the door and leans her back against it. 

"Well, Ana, would you look at that. Lily does as she's told, unlike some people I know" his hand rubs across her stomach down towards her panties as he presses his swelling dick against her, eyes still locked on Lily.

"That's because she's a good girl Negan."

"Is that fucking so?" His stare unmoving, deliberately disarming her "wanna play a game of good girl / bad girl?" He smirks as he teases Ana, thumbing over her panties. "Ana is the bad girl obviously, but you've clearly spent some time together so I guess you know that already" Ana squirms as his thumb toys with her clit. "Speak up. Don't be shy. Can't be shy around my Ana"

"I'm not your Ana" 

"You fucking sure about that?"

He pulls her hair hard, tipping back her head, exposing her neck to him. Grazing her with his teeth, nipping at her skin, he raises his eyes to look at Lily from under heavy lids. Ana moans softly and reaches behind her rubbing his hardening length through his jeans. 

"So.....You just gonna stand there?" 

Lily's eyes follow his hand as it slides into Ana's panties. 

"Oh. You like to watch huh? We can put on a show for you if that's your thing" He really didn't mind that at all. He rubs down Ana's folds "Any requests? What freaky weird shit you into?" He grins as he circles Ana's clit. "We're pretty fucking comfortable with anything." Deciding the girl was probably not gonna move from the door he ignores her turning his attention back to Ana's neck, biting up to her ear lobe. 

"So fucking wet…" his voice is low in her ear, his grip tight on her hair  "Such a bad girl. Don't ever question whether you are mine, you understand me? You..are mine. This pussy..is mine" He delivers a sharp spank to her clit before plunging two fingers inside her. 

"Yeah, you like that, huh? That's why you' misbehave. You want me to fucking punish you"  He withdraws his fingers, hand poised for another slap. He knew this was what she wanted all along, playing her fucking games. "Dirty little slut, you fucking love it. You want me to spank that aching wet pussy…." He delivers another slap.

He feels her shaking, her face contorting in pleasure as he 'punishes' her relentlessly. Panting, gasping and quivering, as he alternates circling her, slapping her and finger fucking her, until her breathing quickens and she starts to squirm

"You're close right? You wanna cum so bad...my filthy girl. Should I let you? Can you fuckin behave?" 

"Yes... yes... please" she gasps

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Not so fucking cocky now, are you. You're fucking mine, and don't you ever forget it." He knew what she liked, how she wanted to be touched. He circles her clit rapidly, she shakes and bucks. "You can cum for me now" 

He bites down on her neck spreading her folds and pressing on her overstimulated clit. She shudders and arches backwards into him releasing a loud moan. Lily stays back up against the door as Ana unravels in front of her. He holds her tight plunging his fingers back inside her as she contracts and writhes against him. Fucking her through her orgasm, prolonging it.

"That's right, see, you can be a good girl"

Her knees buckle, he holds her firmly as she comes back down and regains some composure. Removing his glistening fingers, he sucks them clean.

"Mmm mmm" he smacks his lips, then beckons lily over. Let's see how much of a good girl she really is.

"Take off those jeans" he commands, his eyes wandering over her as she obediently pulls them down and kicks them aside. As Ana calms, he releases her stripping off his shirt to reveal his slim toned body. He sees Lily admiring him, puffs out his chest, smirks with his tongue brushing over his bottom lip. Yeah this is gonna be fun.

"Now get on your fucking knees.." he unbuckles his belt

".....both of you"

Ana turns to look up at him, eyes heavy with lust, and lowers herself to her knees, Lily willingly drops down beside her. He looks down at them, taking them both by the chin. 

"Open wide ladies" 

He smirks as he pulls down his jeans and boxers, his fully erect cock springing free. Lily's eyes widen as she watches him wrap his hand around the base. He chuckles to himself and smiles down at Ana. Full of fuckin attitude a few minutes ago, now look at her, mouth open, waiting for him.

"Look at you two, both begging for daddy's cock." 

He offers Ana the tip, she sticks out her tongue, needily salivating, ugh that's what he likes to see. He taps it, teasing her, trailing around her lips. 

"That's it princess, I know how much you want it"

Looking up at him she takes a lick of his tip and wets him with gentle sucks, dips to kiss down his shaft and a long flat tongued lick up the underneath from balls back up to tip, exploring over the slit and around the rim, toying with the sensitive area before taking him in her mouth, lowering herself, sucking and rippling her tongue as his fist steadily pumps his shaft. He lets out a groan, chews on his bottom lip. 

"Good girl."

Removing his hand he takes her head sliding her down lower, hitting her throat and briefly pausing as her well trained gag reflex allows him to inch down further, watching his own cock disappearing inside her until he bottoms out. Her throat constricts around him. He hisses willing his self control to hold her still. He wanted to fuck her mouth hard, hang her head over the end of the bed pin her down and throat fuck her, watch his cock moving up and down inside her neck….but not today. He has another girl waiting eagerly and he's not sure what she can handle. He sucks in air and grits his teeth, releasing her. Withdrawing she gasps for air, eyes watering, saliva pooled and dripping. He wipes her chin, she smiles up at him.

"Thank you, daddy" 

He smirks down at her as she dips and lowers, licking at his balls as he offers his throbbing cock to Lily.

"Damn fuckin right princess. You lucky girls. I am horny as fuck and hard as fuckin steel right now. You sure this is what you want sweet cheeks?" she looks from his eyes to his cock, swallowing audibly and nods.

"Then suck it doll" 

She takes him hungrily in her mouth. He wants to close his eyes and focus on the sensation, but he's got two girls attached to his cock and balls right now and he's enjoying watching them licking and sucking enthusiastically. Tongues battling over him. Lips finding each other, slobbering wet kisses between them and his rock hard cock. Clenches his jaw as Ana's hands wander across Lily's breasts and down towards her soaking cunt. He decides it's time for a little girl on girl action and guides them to the bed.

"Time for you two to put on a show for daddy"

Stroking himself, he watches as they passionately kiss, bras are unclipped and panties are ripped off and cast aside, playful wrestling and Ana eventually pinning down her friend and working her way down her girlfriend's body with nibbles and kisses. 

Wishing he'd had the forethought to bring along his video camera, he squeezes himself as she holds her thighs apart, exploring her pussy, tongue caressing, tasting and flicking until Lily finally arches and bucks. 

"Fuckin hell ladies, quite a fuckin show. Now if you dont mind, and I know you fuckin don't, I'm just gonna jump in before I blow my fucking load"

He chuckles as he joins them on the bed, congratulating himself on his amazing self control and stamina, bringing them both earth shattering orgasms as he thrust into them both powerfully. What a fuckin day! A massive victory for the Saviours and ending in fucking two beautiful women at the same time. Satisfied his enormous ego, and cock, have been suitably massaged, he stands.

"Fuck ladies!" 

Pumping himself in his fist, his head thrown back, he's ready to let go.

"Oh fuck I'm gonna cum….You want daddy's cum?"

"Yes, please" they kneel before him

"Let me hear you fuckin beg"

"Give it to us daddy…. give us your cum….pleeaaase"

"That's my good girls, Fuck, fuck, urggghh….jesus fuck"

He groans, shakes and stills, spurting in ropes across their faces. Looking down panting, a satisfied smirk on his face as he watches them greedily licking at his cock and each other, milking him of every drop.

Finally eyes closed, head relaxed back, he breathes deeply and composes himself.

"God fucking damn! That was a stressful day. I fuckin needed that"

Flopping onto his back on the bed he pulls them both into a hug, kissing the tops of their heads.

"My dirty fuckin girls, you are both fuckin filthy, you know that? he chuckles, holding them there quietly for a while…. but he's not much of a cuddler and the silence is killing him.

" I knew you missed my cock" he says to Ana laughing 

 "....Maybe I don't miss your dick" he mocks "...I can fuck who I want…. don't call me princess... blah blah fucking blah. I swear to god woman, you ever talk to me like that again I'll spank you so fuckin hard" he chuckles giving her a playful slap to the ass.

"Is that a promise?" She laughs, kissing his chest. 

OK that's enough. Time to crack on.

"Well, no rest for the fuckin wicked. Cuddle time is officially fuckin over. Shit to do, this place don't run it's fuckin self"

He hoists himself up collecting the clothes from the floor and tossing the girls theirs.

"Well it was lovely meeting you, Lily" he chuckles glancing over at her as he pulls on his boxers and jeans. She smiles up at him admiring his shirtless physique.

"So..." Lily ventures "What happens now?" 

Ana raises her brows and dresses silently.

"What do you mean?" He pulls on his boots. 

"Um...us?" She looks from one to the other "What happens now with us?"

Ana and Negan exchange glances, he pulls on his shirt, his brow furrowed.

"Wow, quiet little girl just found her voice? Um...Nothing….There is no us" he turns and looks for his jacket. "Look darlin, nothing is fuckin happening here. It was just a casual fuck that's all...a bit of fun" he picks it up, pulling it on "I thought you knew that"

"But ....I thought maybe we could...you know ....have an arrangement."

Ana grabs her cigarettes and rolls her eyes at Negan.

"I'm going for a smoke. I'll leave you two love birds to it"

Negan turns to Lily with a frown.

"Whoah! Let me stop you right there, sweet cheeks. You wanted this. You got it. Your lucky fucking day. I'm very happy for you. 'Today was the day I fucked Negan' you can write it in your journal and tell all your friends.." he laughs at his own joke "...but that's it, there isn't, nor will ever be, a fuckin 'arrangement' " he air quotes with a smile and his trademark lean. 

"Oh...I thought…." Lily looks away, lip quivering.

Shit! She's being fuckin serious. What the fuck? Shutting that shit right down, immediately. 

"You thought what? That we were in love now, we'll be skipping hand in hand through the fuckin meadows? Look, dont get your titties in a twist sweetheart, it's just a fuck. You've had casual sex before right?"

He heads towards the door 

"...Or are you one of those crazy obsessive stalker types? He picks up Lucille  "…..Should I be fuckin worried?"

Lily's eyes fill with tears.

"Such an asshole." Ana shakes her head at him as she brushes passed. 

"Tell me something I don't fuckin know." 

He groans and rubs his forehead 

"Ok. Ok. For fucks sake, I'm joking….jeezuus.. Some people got no sense of fucking humour….C'mon, don't go getting all emotional on me,....I'm just busting your lady nuts. Look... I'm a busy guy. I got this place to run, several wives to entertain, I got a lot on my mind, I just don't have the fuckin time...." 

He backs out the door. 

"Don't take it personal.....I'll ..um....see you around." He shakes his head " fucks sake" he mumbles under his breath as he hurriedly leaves.

***

MASTERLIST

TAGS:

@chloejanedecker1 @negan-love @bychrissi @nayghtynegan @negans-attagirl

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in new chapters

[purple-nana]

Barriers

Part 10 - angst, fluff

1.2k words    ( Part of the Dorm of us Series)  

Warnings: Panic attacks

“Still nothing?” Jeno deadpans at you.

“Nope. As in z-e-r-o.” 

You sighed, it has been at least a week since you started giving Jaemin the cold shoulder. You thought it would frustrate the shit out of him but it turns out—it frightened him more.

“So? What are you gonna do now? Wait here and do nothing?” Renjun asks, completely sick of your ‘lover’s quarrel’ with Jaemin.

“How am I supposed to know idiot! I should probably be all dumb and be the one to say sorry, would you want that to happen Mr. Huang?” You rolled your eyes at him. 

Plopping to the couch in frustration, you massaged your face as if it was some kind of molding clay as you thought about your next moves. With Jeno, and Renjun—just looking at you hopelessly, when all of a sudden—

“Haechannie is here!” 

Haechan appeared, out of nowhere. Hands cupping his face, using his sickly sweet voice that is bothersome to the ears. And yes—he has been doing that since he moved in, it was some sort of ‘dramatic entrance’ as he would say.

“Can you please stop doing that for pete’s sake?!” Renjun complains blocking his ears in complete disgust.

of course, Haechan ignored him and went to throw himself on the couch right next to you.

“Soooooo, my dear y/n what seems to be the problem?” He pats your head, and is still—using that high-pitched voice.

You remained silent, arms crossed and face distorted in a frown. 

Haechan raised his arms in defeat, looks like he finally understood your siganl and kept his hands to himself.

“Don’t—”

“—touch you, yeah yeah whatever,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to be a good friend here while you were being ‘ugh don’t touch me’, you have such an ungrateful ass.” He mocks you while making straight up ugly faces.

You showed him your fist. “Do you want to get another taste of your own medicine?” 

He immediately got up and went behind Renjun to hold his shoulders as if he was a child on the other hand Renjun just shook his body to get rid of the boy who kept on clinging on to him.

“As I thought.”

“But seriously, nothing really happened? Like—nada??” 

Jeno shooked his head in confirmation. Looks like things didn’t went as you and every one else thought it would. You thought that maybe a little time off each other might be a good idea but clearly, it wasn’t.

 You sighed and closed your eyes, you’re worried that this might become the last reason before you and Jaemin drift apart. And of course, you didn’t want that to happened. You’re terrified that things might go down hill from now on and it clearly shows.

The boys knew exactly how you felt.

Renjun sat down beside you on the spot where Haechan Had previously sat on. You looked at him and saw a concerned expression on his face, the same with everbody else.

“You know, y/n. I don’t think it’s a good plan to just wait for Jaemin to come and apologize to you.” Renjun starts.

You were confused, what does he mean? 

“What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing in wonder.

He scratches the back of his head, thoughts battling in his mind on whether he should tell you or not. He glanced at the two boys who was analyzing the situation, which then they gave a nod of approval.

He glanced back at you. “It’s just that, don’t you think your pride is too high by just you know—waiting for him?”

You stopped for a moment, processing Renjun’s words. You didn’t thought about it before, it seemed to you that Jaemin was the one who was being pride-y here but when you think about it—it makes sense.

It doesn’t mean that Jaemin was the person who made a mistake that he should be the only one to try and talk to you.

Maybe—you are also being selfish.

“I mean yes, Jaemin is the one at fault here but it’s been a week y/n, if you want to save this relationship it’s only you and Jaemin who could do this. Now that nothing has happened—like literally. The outcome of your relationship is at the palm of your hands.” 

Renjun is right. It’s up to you on how this relationship will continue. It can only go further, or end—right here, right now.

And you absolutely don’t want to lose Jaemin.

You love him way too much. It’ll be the death of you if you lose him just because of your pride. You didn’t spend years of suppressing your feeling for it to end in just a month?

You’ll do anything just to make things better, but there’s one problem. You don’t know how and where to start.

“B-but, I don’t know how Renjun,” You pulled your hair back in frustration,”I really don’t know know what to do, I don’t want to lose him but I really really don’t know where to start.” You sob into your hands.

Jeno stared at you with worry in his eyes. He didn’t want to intercept with your relationship because he knows that it’s what’s best for the both of you, but he can’t bear to see you like this.

Confused, lost and is full of frustration.

At this point he was doubting if it was even the right choice that you have made but what can he do, you love Jaemin too much. He himself should know that.

He walks up beside you and pat your head. “Everything will be alright y/n, why don’t you start by talking to him?”

“Yeah, we could get out of here so you two can talk in private.” Haechan suggests before going to his room to get ready to head out.

Renjun turns to you, his expressions indirectly asking you if you wanted to do it.

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it but—how can I possibly talk to him if he’s not even here in the first place?”

“Don’t worry, I got it.” Jeno says while grabbing his phone and dialing Jaemin’s number. It shouldn’t be a problem since it’s past 3 which means his classes are over.

Jeno puts it in loudspeaker before Jaemin picks up.

‘Hey what’s up’

‘Hey Jaemin, are you about to go home?’

‘Erm, no. Not really. At least for the next 2 hours, why do you ask?’

Jeno looked at you to which you mouthed him an ‘it’s okay’. He went back to the call, your disappointed face engraved in his mind.

‘Nothing, what are you up to?’

‘I was asked to show a new student around, her name is Hee-young. In Hee-young if I wasn’t mistaken.’

Your eyes grew wide, fear evident in your face. Renjun immediately notices it and quickly signaled Jeno to end the call.

‘Bro sorry gotta go.’

‘Wait why—’

*beep beep*

Jeno kneeled in front of you, holding your shoulders as he and Renjun tries to calm you down. “Y/n what’s the problem?” 

You try to speak the words but your mouth was dry.

You were too scared, why does everything have to be happening all at once?

“Y/n answer us please.” Renjun begged you, almost breaking his phone by his tight hold.

“S-she—”

“What?”

“She’s back.”

A/N’s note: Owkie, I kennat promise you dis time my updating schedules. I hate my modules, really. as in. I literally had a whole new plot in mind but then these freakin modules came in the way ugh. but anyway, i was motivated because we had ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS. That means a lot to meeeeeeeee, tysmmm!! I hope you enjoyed thiss chapterrrr, i have a lot more in mind for the nextt onesss *smirk*

                                                                         -A<3

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[im-a-meteorite]

i’ve been marathoning the harry potter movies since im in quarantine and i’ve been taking some notes. i’ll post them all bc why not 

sorcerer’s stone

harry knowing that there’s no post on sunday,, a genius

hedwig’s theme playing when harry looks out of the window and sees an owl flying by, very nice

hagrid doing magic at the house on the rock thing,, wouldnt the ministry be able to track that?? since there’s no wizard that lives there, they should be alerted?? or did they remove the trace from hagrid once he got expelled?? like does it work by the trace only or? bc if it doesn’t work by location then how would they know that a muggle witnessed the magic?? idk anymore

the kids staring at the nimbus 2000 and saying its the fastest model yet,, then the camera zooming on the handle w/ the background blurred -> the most straight forward foreshadowing

hagrid is actually the worst person to take harry on his tour situation,, like bro literally left him in the middle of a train station

the weasleys and harry going to the platform while theres a shit ton of ppl walking around,,, statute of secrecy where??

the great hall is on the first floor?? i thought it was on the ground floor

ew the hats

i wish the movies had dumbledore’s weird few words speeches

“theres not one witch or wizard that went bad that wasnt in slytherin” broooo

mcgonagall is so savage i love her

snape is an asshole

a crap ton of chessboards in the great hall study hall scene,, foreshadowing the challenges?

madam hooch really yeeted herself out of neville’s way

✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨✨

harry really wiped the troll buggers on his robe,, disgusting

snapes hair is lowkey on fleek tho,,

making most of the slytherins ugly bc they’re the “evil” house is just a disservice to all the inbreeding

hermione setting snape on fire is truly iconic and very extra tbh like sis why tf would u know a spell like that

seasonal transition wasnt that great tbh

overall the directing style is kinda basic

“not in the restricted section,,” rule breaking hermione is the best hermione

dumbledore’s handwriting is so extra and loopy like tf?? but it fits his character

the hedwig flying season transition was good

“immortal?” “it means you’ll never die.” “i know what it means!”

50 points each for being out of bed??? wtf is this point system

filtch saying there’s werewolves in the forbidden forest,,, thats illegal sir

hagrid calling the trio by their first names but draco by his last,, we love favoritism

harry’s thoughts r so ridiculous,, “snape doesnt want the stone for himself, he wants it for voldemort!” lmaoo wtf,, evidence pls sir,, u don’t even know he was a death eater. was it the bad vibes?? bc same

harry figuring out that the person who gave hagrid the dragon egg is voldy,, a genius

“kill us faster?? now i can relax!!” ron is so iconic i love him

“lucky we didnt panic!” “lucky hermione pays attention in herbology”

how is it that harry’s hand burned quirrel but not the skin on harry’s neck?? that shit makes no sense

yeah i really cant imagine this dumbledore fighting voldy in movie 5

hermione’s headband in the reunion scene is so cute i love it

chamber of secrets:

how is dobby even allowed to just jump on the bed?? like is it bc harry isnt his master that he can do smth like that

“dobby has heard about harry potter’s kindness” or whatever,, bro u work for the malfoys either the elves gossip or draco is waxing poetry about harry

aunt petunia saying “we have ice-cream” after that whole affair is just ridiculous

DIAGONALLY

this seems like the extended version bc i dont remember the borgin and bruks scene to be that long

the close ups with lucius and ginny’s books r insane lmao like chris columbus made it so obvious

also mr weasley’s acting is so funny like its so exaggerated

lucius malfoy is so dramatic and extra we love it

also lucius knowing hermione’s name and “draco’s told me all about you”??? bro whats with draco?? lmaoo

snape really got mad with the whole car business

mandrakes r fucking weird bro how did jkr come up with that

PERCY WALKING WITH PENELOPE CLEARWATER??? HOW DID I MISS THAT??

omg colin had so many lines?? wow

omg erol with the fucking howler,, iconic

ron’s facial expressions?? pure comedy, rupret is so good

LOCKHEART REALLY SAID “GOOD GIRL” THEN WINKED AT HERMIONE

“pesky piksy pescinomy” this bitch dumb

“why is it always me?” poor neville

omfg ✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨

ahh using the seeker position for fighting

ew draco used the m-word

the shit the basilisk is saying is so lame lmaoo

how does harry not recognize that he’s hearing a different language?? or does parsaltongue act weird

HOW IS THE WHOLE SCHOOL IN THE SAME CORRIDOR???

“i know the counter-curse that could’ve spared her” bitch the dirty looks he got?? omfg

the movies would’ve been 500% better if they had lee jordan’s iconic quidditch commentary

“scarhead” “TRAINING FOR THE BALLET, POTTER?”

“what did you expect?? pumpkin juice??” madam pomfery is a queen

dobby is dumb dumb

“who am i, hedwig? what am i?”

“reading? i didnt know you could read?”

“look at my face” “look at your tail!”

“you can’t cancel quidditch!”

“oh harry, if you die down there, you’re welcome to share my toilet”

lockheart: do you live here? ron: no *smacks him in the head with a rock*

“voldemort is my past, present and future” are all slytherins this dramatic??

the tension between hermione and ron in the last feast was insane

justin filtch fletchy is so ugly im so sorry i cant

prisoner of azkaban:

im sorry but harry doing underage illegal magic pisses me off every time

aunt marge 🤢

“do they use a cane boy?” “oh yeah, i’ve been beaten loads of times”

that whole scene is so chaotic

“you cant do magic outside of school!” “oh yeah? try me”

sirius really dumb for barking at harry like it makes no sense

the knight bus is probably one of the best things in this movie

“whatcha doing down there??” “i fell over” “whacha fell over for?” “i didnt do it on purpose!” “well come on then, lets not wait for the grass to grow”

harry leans over and looks for the grim, stan: “whatcha looking at?”

“yeah take it away ernie,, its gonna be a bumpy ride”

this whole thing is written and directed so perfectly

i hate how they replaced tom bc it really made no sense

all the bits of magic in the leaky caldron is so genius

fudge reminds me of trump but like dumber

the blue lighting and coloring is just great, it fits the colder vibe of the story (not like HBP with the hazy/blurry effect)

ugh the glass and mirror transitions are one of my favorite things,, alfonso curon really did that 

i love the weasleys,, also everyone looks great in this movie

omg the scene with arthur talking to harry about sirius with the sirius poster always being in sight?? amazing

contrast of light and darkness just echos the whole dementor vs patronus situation

i dont even understand why remus took the train other than for the nostalgia

the lights slowly turning off in the different carriages?? amazing

the visual representation of the dementors’ effect is great

REMUS!!!

i wish there was more emotion from remus when he’s talking about sirius,, like that was one of his only friends

snape clapping literally twice for remus,, ajhshsh

ahh the placement of the slytherin and gryffindor tables right beside each other to increase the tension and further the plot

oh yea the new dumbledore, also cool hat he has

omg the new fat lady painting

omg the candy scene?? so cute i love lads being lads. that scene just echo’s dumbledore’s light in the dark quote bc its storming outside at night and they’re creating a happy environment within the dark especially with the dementors

ah yes the clock references + following the bird to show us important parts of hogwarts and putting the whomping willow in the forefront

ron’s reading of harry’s tea leaves,, still on point tho. ron really has a knack for divination

buckbeak! omg drapple

draco is so hot especially with that ring also the slytherin pins??

“oh yeah, terribly funny, really witty. god, this place has gone to the dogs”

the kids look so messy i love it + harry’s uneven tie

HERMIONE CLINGING TO RONS ARM!!

“its killed me! your gonna regret this, you and your bloody chicken”

omg the boggart lesson

“riddikulus!” “this class is ridiculous”

fuck snape!

draco really pushed someone with his bandaged arm

remus is such an amazing professor i love him and i just miss him so much

ugh harry in this hoodie?? amazing

remus and harry’s conversation with the music :(( lily :((

wtf is that eye painting??

percy screaming about being head boy,, bro stfu

sirius is such a dramatic little bitch i love it

seasonal changes marked by the wimping willow

“turn to page 394”

what a fucking rude ass bitch,, i hate snape

harry really be seeing the grim everywhere

i wish they had “wheres wood?” “trying to drown himself in the shower”

winter transition with hedwig! + clock tower

“come and join the big boys”

i just adore this scene of the twins giving harry the map (bro i really want a series about the marauders)

whos that skinny bitch with draco???

harry’s way too rash tbh

also mcgonagall being also too nonchalant about the whole marauder’s situation?? like those werent your students

remus is a soft boy dark academia icon

if only dumbledore wasnt a dumbass,, remus could have been uncle moony raising harry with sirius

ron’s nightmare scene?? iconic

“my dad didnt strut. nor do i” umm james potter was also a drama queen sooo probably strutting

“you, YOU FOUL LOATHSOME EVIL LITTLE COCKROACH” “hermione no, he’s not worth it”

sirius’ dog form really looks like a rabid dog omfg

the part where hermione grabs harry while she’s on the wimping willow omfg

“only one will die tonight” YOU DRAMATIC BITCH UR NOT MAKING THIS BETTER

“finally the flesh reflects the madness within” “well you’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you remus?”

why the fuck is the shreaking shack is swaying in the wind??

QUARRELING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE

why the fuck didnt they knock peter out?? like tf?? they’re actually dumb dumb there were so many ways for this to go right

this man really sent 2 13-year-olds on this dumbass mission

buckbeak really beat up remus,, “professor lupin’s having a really tough night”

harry’s a fucking psycho with this patronus bullshit,, i cant

can they stop screaming while flying on buckbeak?? someone might hear them

im still mad sirius didnt get his name cleared,, so much would’ve changed

“we did it” “did what? goodnight” i fucking hate dumbledore and his mindlessness omfg sometimes i wanna punch him in the face

fuck snape for outing remus as a werewolf,,, but also he really didnt have to resign. like istg wheres the marauder energy when it comes to defying everyone??

i wish the movies had went into the marauders’ history :(( its one of my favorite aspects of the series

[my-arlington-academia]

Tadaxel fic for Tadashi’s birthday! 👔🤝😳

And I OOP- I did it. Sorry. No actually I’m not, it was a nice change of pace to write this. I think I might do more CharacterXCharacter fics from now on! I was getting a ’lil bit tired of always doing Main10XScholar fics. Don’t get me wrong though, I love Scholar! I just needed to change it up a bit. (And like promised Olivier is in it too whoops.) This fic is almost 3k words long! ...God, what am I doing with my life? Anyways, have a nice read! 💗💖

---------------------------------

Autumn was starting. The days were getting slightly shorter as time went on and the weather colder and colder. Knowing his friends, Tadashi had warned them about one thing.

”Don’t plan a birthday party for me. I don’t have enough time to celebrate it this year.”

Homework and ”student-body-president-duties” were kicking in so the *one* area from which Tadashi decided to take time away from was his birthday. Everyone found that line of reasoning ridiculous. He always had time for others and for work but never for himself. It was almost as if he loved suffering. The worst part of it was that his birthday conveniently fell on a Saturday this year. It was the perfect moment to celebrate it, Ellie especially was jealous of how lucky Tadashi got and yet he still decided to ”CaNcEL” his birthday. Ellie didn’t have that luxury, her birthday was always during the exam period of the year: in June.

Alistair tried his best to dissuade him and get him away from his desk, the place where he spent most of his day. His BIRTHday. Tadashi didn’t budge. Only when the sunset was setting did he finally decide to step back. Time went so quickly and all he did was working on assignments. He had one last thing left for the day: go shopping. Something that he had ever rarely done thus far. It was about time to learn how to, until now Tadashi was always sent ”shopping” with a butler to ”help him” choose. In reality, all Tadashi did was try on the clothes they ordered him to wear. In the end, all he had for his casual wear was white shirts, ties, dark colored pants and mostly brown shoes. Even if he won’t celebrate his birthday with his friends, he still wants to go out and buy something for himself. More precisely: a set of clothes that wasn’t dictated by his father.

Since a while back, Tadashi always felt like there was a disparity between his taste and those of his classmates. His casual clothes didn’t even look all that ”casual.” When he would go out with his friends, he looked like a coworker taking a break with his colleagues. But last week, reality had slapped Tadashi in the face: he can dress how he wants to. Or more accurately, Olivier had slapped him in the face with this revelation. He was having a conversation with him about the fashion department for some reason, then, Olivier took off his cat mask and looked at Tadashi straight in the eyes. He said:

”Tadashi. You’re free now. You can dress however you want to so please do it. I’m begging you.”

Tadashi was confused. This was coming from a guy who wore a black suit all the time instead of the school uniform. Actually, Tadashi was pretty sure that this was the very first time he saw Olivier’s face. He looked ugly but in a really cute way, he was like slightly above average with a sprinkle of misplaced handsomeness here and there. It was as if God didn’t really know what to do with him and used the ”random traits” button. Anyway, Tadashi wondered how he was a senior and yet Olivier, who was supposed to be one year above him, was still coming to school. So instead of answering what he was asked, Tadashi used his remaining braincells to try and get a response to his urgent question.

”How come you’re still here? Did you get held back a year or...?”

Olivier covered his face with the mask again and closed Tadashi’s mouth with the palm of his hand.

”Sssshhhh. Listen. I’ll only tell you this because I blindly believe that you won’t ditch on me but... I’m actually not a student here. I’ve never been. In reality, I’m a programmer in my twenties. My hobby is to pretend to be a teenager in Arlington, Lady A owes a big debt to my family so she can’t do anything about my presence here. All you have to do is to not tell anyone, okay? If the students find out, I’ll be kicked out for sure. But as far as they know I’m just a weird student who’s been held back in my senior year for 2 years in a row. There will come a day when I won’t be able to fool them anymore but for now, please just play along.”

”Okay.”

After that day, Tadashi pondered a lot about what Olivier had told him...

...

......

.........

”You can dress however you want.”

Yes. That was the one truly important thing he had taken away from this conversation. Thank you Olivier for your wisdom. Tadashi had made up his mind: the day of his birthday he’ll go shopping alone. And that’s what he did.

The curfew was in about 2 hours, in normal circumstances, the custodians didn’t have the right to let the students go out so late... however, if Tadashi had learned *one* thing from his family, it was the use of Privileges™. So using his ”I’m the student body president” card, he managed to step out from the school grounds and promised to come back as soon as he could.

He decided to go check out the most basic stores first just for curiosity’s sake, such as: H&N, Sike, Levy’s, Kalvin Clein, Badidas, etc. Until last year, all he would get was tailored suits and other ”professional” bullshit a teenager shouldn’t have to wear. Now he was finally free to go wherever he wanted, and it’s in the middle of those shops that he came across the one person in front of which he didn’t want to look stupid. A black hoodie on and his hair in a ponytail, he was looking straight at Tadashi.

”...What are you doing here?”

Tadashi instinctively switched to his "fake offended" look.

”Um. Shopping? Like you are?”

Axel glanced at the salmon pink shorts Tadashi was holding, not at all convinced by his try-hard witty remark.

”Oh? So uh, were you aware that it’s fall already or are you buying your summer clothes in advance? ’Cause those pink shorts ain’t gonna cut it to keep you warm buddy.”

Tadashi looked down at this random piece of clothing he was holding and hurriedly put it back while averting Axel’s gaze. He had already made a fool of himself from the very start of their encounter. Seeing that he was clearly embarrassed from the mocking comment, Axel dropped the act.

”No but seriously, why are you shopping alone at this hour? It’s your birthday, go have fun with your friends.”

Thinking about it now, from an outsider’s perspective his actions must look pretty dumb. Begging your friends to not celebrate your birthday, working all day then going shopping alone in the evening for some reason? Every single one of his decisions made sense in his mind but not in the eyes of others. In the end, he had worked himself to exhaustion all day, then he went shopping alone at the brink of the night. Understandably, his actions didn’t seem to make any sense.

”I... I wanted to buy some clothes by myself without the help of anyone else.”

Axel’s confused face turned to bewilderment the moment Tadashi uttered those words.

”*What?* Dude, you sound like you’re twelve. Come on, it’s not like it’s your first time choosing your clothes for your... self... Oh boy. Don’t tell me...”

At Axel’s realization, Tadashi looked down in shame hoping that this moment would come to pass as quickly as possible. That’s right, just make fun of me and get over with it. But instead of mockery or a mean joke, Tadashi felt a strong grip on his shoulders.

”Tadashit, listen. Even *I* can’t make fun of this. We have to fix this problem as soon as possible and we’ll definitely celebrate your birthday tomorrow, okay?”

Tadashi’s mind immediately rushed to all of the tasks he had to fulfill tomorrow.

”But-"

”Shush. No buts. I’m gonna help you buy two or three outfits, we’ll start from there. But eventually, you’ll have to replace all of your horrible wardrobe, okay?”

When Axel finally let go of his shoulders, he then grabbed Tadashi’s wrist and started dragging him out of the shop they were in. Tadashi was mildly fighting back, one part of him not wanting to get help from Axel of all people, another part of him curious of what kind of advice Axel could give him.

”H-hey! Where are you taking me?”

”To Never 21, hopefully they’ll have something that suits you Tadashit. Even if you’re planning on changing up your wardrobe, we’ll start with some really basic clothes though. For example, I feel like something simple and dignified would fit you, you get me?”

”Uh... what?”

Simple and dignified? What does that even mean?

Upon entering the shop, Axel finally let go of his wrist and started looking around in search of something ”simple and dignified.” Tadashi hesitantly followed him, not knowing what to do. He felt like a kid again, the kid who would stand next to the butlers and wait for their decision. That is until Axel picked up a light blue shirt and showed it to him.

”So what do you think of that one? It has a cute little logo on the chest pocket or... whatever those are called.”

”...You’re asking for my opinion?”

Tadashi’s face subtly lightened up as he remembered that this situation was not at all the same as before. He was shopping with a friend, not a butler who gets commands from his father.

”Duh. You’re the one who’s gonna wear this, not me. Frankly, I think that it’s still too tame but you don’t want to stray too far away from what you usually wear, right?”

”Hm. Actually. Can you dress me up in different styles? I want to see what fits me and what doesn’t. You seem much more well-versed in fashion than me, I think that I’ll really need your help.... Please?”

Thrown off by Tadashi’s honesty, Axel couldn’t even take a jab at him. In fact, being able to communicate with him without bickering was quite refreshing. Actually, it was about time for them to stop quarreling for every single thing.

"...Alright. Let’s do that. But just so you know, we’ll probably be late for the curfew. Oh. And you owe me.”

Like promised, Axel dressed Tadashi up in a lot of different outfits. Surprisingly, a lot of things fit him. Even the most unlikely styles, like the ”hippie style” weirdly enough. Or rather, ”bohemian” as Neha calls it.

”Huh. I was planning on making fun of you but you know what? You look good.”

Tadashi felt confused because of the unexpected, but genuine compliment he got. So all he could do was smile awkwardly while looking down at the floor again.

”You think? But I’m not a big fan of this... ”style” to be honest. I’d rather take the one I tried a bit earlier, the one with the pink-ish shirt.”

”Fair enough. Let’s buy that one then.”

Axel couldn’t help but notice that Tadashi may or may not secretly really like the color pink. Maybe it was a subconscious choice, but he would always pay attention to pink, yellow, and green colored clothes. Maybe because he never got a chance to wear bright colors before? He would always be in black and deep blues so he most likely yearned for more lively colors. Thinking about it now, it was obvious that his clothes were always dictated by his father’s tastes. Despite the fact that they used to fight a lot, especially last year, Axel felt a big amount of empathy towards Tadashi and quite a bit of respect for being able to stand up to his father after all of those years of getting manipulated.

At the counter, Axel impulsively decided to take out his credit card.

”I’ll pay for that.”

Tadashi looked up from his own wallet, surprised.

”Wait, really??”

”Mh-hm. It’s your birthday today and I didn’t really prepare anything so...”

The cashier folded the clothes, pu them in a bag and handed them to Axel. Axel in turn, handed the bag to Tadashi.

"There you go... Happy birthday, Tadashi.”

Even if he would never admit it, the sincerity in in Axel’s voice made Tadashi feel soft for half a second. His voice didn’t sound annoying when he wasn’t joking around and making stupid comments. Actually, this may have been the first time Tadashi realized that Axel had a pretty voice.

”Uhhh... Th-Thank uh. Thank you.”

What’s going on? Axel’s voice is pretty? No no no. It sounds annoying and condescending, not pretty. Absolutely not!

While Tadashi was having a crisis and fighting back against himself, Axel was already plannig on moving to the next shop. Like earlier, he tried to grab Tadashi’s wrist and drag him to their next destination. However, his aim was bit off as he did not look down before seizing his target. Tadashi was thrown off once again.

”Uh. Axel...? That’s my hand.”

Axel’s gaze finally went down to where he was grabbing. Seeing that it wasn't Tadashi’s sleeve but his hand, he immediately let go.

”Ah. Damn, sorry dude uhh... I didn’t mean to hold your um...”

The poor boys looked down in shame at their mistake, or rather ”aCcidEnTaL hAnD hoLdiNg.” Axel started feeling the same kind of emotional distress Tadashi was fighting against earlier. What’s happening? Why is it so awkward? If something like this happened at school, they would already be in the middle of cursing at eachother.

”Um. Anyway! Just follow me, okay? I shouldn’t even need to drag you in the first place. Let’s go.”

They tried to ignore that incident as best as they could and moved on to the next shop. In the end, they bought more than 3 outfits. Even Axel picked up some things for himself with Tadashi’s help. Everything was going well until they looked at their phones, remembering the thing they had forgotten.

”Ugh. Shit. Dashi, it’s already 5 minutes past our curfew. But you’ll cover for me, right?”

”Dude, of cour- Wait. Did you just call me Dashi?”

Axel’s mind had clocked out entirely. He looked at his right, desperately trying to look unconcerned.

”Uh. No?”

”... Yes.”

”...”

Axel couldn’t ignore Tadashi’s pressuring gaze. His grey eyes were really convincing when needed.

”Okay fine. But it was only because Raquel often calls you that.”

Satisfied of his win, Tadashi started walking on ahead towards the nearest restaurant with a little smirk on his face.

”Uh-huh. Sure, Axel.”

”Hey! Don’t give me that all-knowing look! Or else I’ll go back to calling you Tadashit.”

”Oh please, you’ll do that tomorrow whether I want it or not.”

Tadashi passed the door and sat down next to a window, followed closely by Axel.

”Dude, didn’t you hear what I just said? It’s past our curfew, we’re already late and instead of hurrying back you sit down in a restaurant?”

Waiting for an answer, Axel stood there dumbfounded as Tadashi gently shot a smile at him and placed his wallet on the table, already waiting for the the waiter.

”Sit down, I’m treating you for your help today... Thank you, Axel. Really.”

Axel’s annoyance was short lived. He really couldn’t do anything in front of this guy’s demanding look. Is that how he always gets everyone’s favors? By looking people in the eye and smiling? As much as he hated it, Axel was starting to understand how Tadashi was so convincing: it was his stupid, dumb, frustrating... pretty grey eyes. Screw him and his ”I know what I want and I’ll get it” look. Screw the curfew, the custodians, all the people who always got fooled by this gaze. But most of all, screw himself for getting tricked too. Goddammit.

Axel sat down with a slight blush on his face that he was trying to hide under his hand as he placed his mouth on his palm.

”You’re welcome. But fuck you.”

----------------------------------

Annnnnd done! I think this one was pretty fun! Not only to write but to read too. Please tell me what you think! I miss the funny comments you guys always left tbh 😂 My favorite part was the aCcidEnTaL hAnD hoLdiNg. Thank you for reading 💗💖

[movienotesbyzawmer]

October 31: Strangers on a Train

After suffering through more Friday the 13th movies than anyone deserves, I’m rewarding myself on the evening of October 31 with a viewing of what I've often said is my favorite Hitchcock movie. I put it that way because I don't remember a ton about it, or even how long it's been since I've seen it. It seems unlikely that it's my favorite Hitchcock movie. How could I make such a claim when Rear Window is, like, RIGHT THERE.

This came out in 1951. Hitchcock was already a big star director by then, but most of his most well-known movies were still to come. I'm not familiar with any of the actors in this movie. Okay, let's take another look!

(SPOILERS AHEAD, of course. I'm going to describe the movie as I'm watching it.)

Farley Granger is top billed. You'd think with a name like that he'd be more famous. That's probably the whole reason he's named that in the first place. Fail!

Pretty highfalutin writing credits - Raymond Chandler wrote this screenplay based on a Patricia Highsmith novel.

It starts with this "cinematic vision" that almost feels like marketing - we see legs of people getting out of cabs with luggage, heading into a station. It's all nothin-but-legs for a minute or two until two Actual Strangers on a Train strike up a conversation.

The strangers are Bruno and Guy; Guy is a famous tennis player that Bruno recognizes. I remember enough about this movie to know that we are not wrong to find Bruno irritatingly forward as he brings up Guy's personal information that he's read about in the society section of the paper. Between this and The Talented Mr. Ripley, it seems like Ms. Highsmith had a knack for making drama out of uncomfortably doting dudes.

Eight and a half minutes in and Bruno is already starting to propose a murder of Guy's wife. It seems hasty for this conversation to have gone down this road, but it's cool that we get to this movie's cool idea so quickly. Bruno proposes killing Guy's wife in exchange for Guy killing Bruno's father. They'd both be killing strangers so it would be super hard for detectives to figure it out. Guy clearly doesn't take Bruno seriously.

For 1951, it seems surprising that these characters are so casual about the breakup of a marriage because they both have new lovers and the wife is already pregnant from her new man. I think of early fifties American culture as way too stuffy to be okay with that in a mainstream movie, but that is this movie's storyline.

Guy's wife... her appearance is kind of curious. I wonder if it looked more dislikeable at the time, but she looks like a harmless librarian. But her dialogue about blackmailing Guy to stay with her makes her unambiguously villainous.

Guy and his wife are in a heated argument in the shop where she works, and he is grabbing her and shaking her, and she looks scared! A man nearby notices and interrupts them by saying, "this isn't the place for a family quarrel!" Now THAT'S the early fifties American culture I've come to know and love.

Bruno and his mother. They are having tea or something. They are clearly tight, maybe to a dysfunctional degree. What is this household? Swanky. Bruno is wearing a silk robe. I do not understand. There's this weird thing about a painting his mother made; he delights about how it looks just like Father, and then we see it and it is some kind of abstract monster. Odd. I think it means he's nuts.

That scene ends with Bruno having a short phone conversation with Guy; Guy hangs up on him but we gather that Bruno knows that Guy's wife won't let them divorce.

So now begins what has always, for me, been the most memorable sequence. Bruno clearly thinks it is his duty to murder Guy's wife, so he follows her with two flirty young dudes to a carnival at night. I like how the lights at night look in this black & white cinematography.

Bruno is not even hiding the fact that he's following her! He just tags along behind the three of them, very visibly, and sort of smirks playfully every time she notices him, and it looks like she kind of likes the attention. Things were different in 1951.

After remaining behind her and her fellas for a couple carnival attractions, he follows them onto a Tunnel of Love boat ride. They all drive little boats along a route through the water, into and out of a cave, and to a more secluded area. There is shadow imagery in the cave that ends in a fakeout. Then there is a moment where she is alone at the secluded area and he strangles her.

There's a thing about a lighter. When Guy and Bruno were chatting on the train, Bruno noticed Guy's lighter. I didn't catch how Bruno ended up with it, but they made it very clear that Bruno has it now. And the imagery of the murder includes the lighter, as well as a stylish closeup of her glasses on the ground reflecting the murder.

0:30:50 - Bruno has shown up at Guy's pad to show him the glasses and let him know the deed is done so now it's Guy's turn. Guy is shocked, but Bruno is effectively guilt-tripping him. Guy's behavior is still pretty rational. But he's still holding onto Dead Wife's glasses. That seems like a dumb move.

Guy is now at his girlfriend's place; their chemistry is steamy, and it now seems to me like the look of Dead Wife was meant to contrast with his sultry girlfriend.

The police are investigating, and the plot kind of thickens because Guy's alibi during the murder is just a drunk guy on the train. Seems like there's enough information that he should still be okay, though, right? Hm, doesn’t look like the cops are satisfied.

More importantly, Bruno is starting to be a shadowy figure dogging Guy. One must wonder what is gonna happen… Bruno did seem to have an easy time killing that woman… has he done this before? I'm actually asking; I don't remember.

0:48:00 - Ha, Bruno went so far as to send Guy a diagram of his father's house and a key!

The next scene is cool - a relatively quiet tennis match, and the whole audience is following back and forth with their heads, but one head is not moving! It's Bruno who is just staring down Guy from the other side of the court!

Anne is Guy's girlfriend, and she is not only more glamorous than Guy's dead wife, and not only is her voice ever so sexy with its smoky alto, but she's smart enough to immediately notice that something is up with this Bruno guy, as well as with Guy's behavior w/r/t Bruno.

Oh, and then there is this strange scene - so Bruno has decided he has to insinuate himself into Anne's family's circle, which is where Anne starts to notice things. But then there is Anne's sister, who has more of a librarian look, not unlike Dead Wife… and Hitch's bold direction makes it very clear that Bruno also notices the resemblance between Dead Wife and Anne's Sister! Very strange. I don't know where it's going. I can't tell what either of them are thinking, but it's made to seem very important.

Bruno has totally created a new character for himself and is frankly being very Talented Mr. Ripley at a party where Anne's family and a bunch of fancy people are being fancy. But that goes in a strange direction… Bruno started chatting with a lady about murder, and he starts to demonstrate strangulation, but Anne's sister sees him, and they both have freakout looks on their faces, then Bruno passes out plus also he has been actually strangling that lady. I’m just reporting what I’m seeing here, folks.

Aha, we're starting to get that much-needed explanation… when Bruno and Anne's Sister noticed each other, Bruno was flashing back to killing Dead Wife because of the resemblance. And Sister noticed that he seemed to be strangling her in his mind, and she's totally right.

And Anne is such a smart cookie that she noticed the whole thing and thinks, correctly, that Bruno was flashbacking to killing Dead Wife while he was pretend-strangling the lady and seeing Sister. This one's a keeper, Guy, as long as she'll keep you.

1:04:20 - Guy and Anne seem to have an idea of how to unfuck this situation, so Guy calls Bruno and says, yeah, okay, I'll do the thing, what do I do. He doesn't really intend to do the murder, does he? I don't think the movie is actually trying to get us to think that. But I must say, I'm super glad that I don't remember how this turns out.

Oh, it's coming back to me as it's unfolding. Guy sneaks in and, in darkness and shadows, approaches Bruno's Father's bed just as if he's gonna do it, but just like we're thinking we'd do, he starts to tell the father about what's going on. But then it turns out it's actually Bruno in the bed! It's tense for a bit, but Bruno lets Guy leave, but says he's going to think of a clever way to get him back for breaking their deal. A bit anti-climactic.

Anne is endlessly proactive, I must say; just like that, she is paying a call to Bruno's mother to warn him about Bruno. But Bruno's mother is clueless. And now, before Anne leaves, here's Bruno, back in that Liberace robe. He's unloading a bunch of bullshit on Anne, trying to convince her that Guy actually did it. But come on, we have seen how smart Anne is, she's not gonna fall for that, right? Bruno references the lighter; he says something about "Guy wanted me to go back for the lighter but I couldn't do it". So yeah, the lighter stuff is coming together.

Okay, now it's going to get all tennis-y because Guy has a tennis match before a very large crowd. He and Anne have an idea about dealing with the lighter, I think, but Guy has to play the match or it will be suspicious to the cops who are constantly observing him. Oh, if only he could win the match quickly! We're watching them try for that. This is a sports drama. Do you think this movie inspired Rudy?

I think they think the lighter is actually at the murder scene, right?

WHO will WIN the TENNIS MATCH?! And HOW QUICKLY?!

1:21:20 - Wait, what was that about garments in the cab? Sister had to go get the cab ready so they could amscray right after the match, and they showed some folded clothes in the back seat. A red herring? A Maguffin? A proverbial damning lighter?

Meanwhile Bruno is lurking around, and he accidentally drops the lighter into a sewer drain! And he gets some people to help get it out, but he keeps calling it his cigarette case. Not lighter, “cigarette case”. Is that part of it? Our minds reel… the lighter! The garments! The cigarette case! The glasses? The tennis match! THE TENNIS MATCH! Oh what a tangled web.

I mock, but it is suspenseful.

You guys. Bruno got the lighter back out of the sewer. And guess who won the tennis match. Why, it was our hero, Guy! But the cops who are tailing Guy will be suspicious if he hustles away from the match to go get a clue from the murder scene, so Sister does some distracting. Also, the garments were something for Guy to change into so that the cops might not recognize him later. Now I get it. Only NOW do I get it.

None of that worked, though; the cops easily figured out that Guy is going to the murder scene.

Bruno is already there, though, at the carnival, but he wants to plant the lighter after dark. He asks a carnie what time it gets dark around here. What the carnie should have said was "dude, you're from close enough to here, why do you think you need to demand this information from a carnie?" The carnie doesn't say that, but at least he is pretty rude to Bruno so it's okay.

Is Bruno planning on tipping the police to the presence of the lighter? Not exactly sure what his scheme is.

Ooh! Bruno is spotted by someone who remembered him getting off a boat after the murder! Busted!

Oh, I don't think that's how carousels work… okay so after people started pointing at Bruno, he freaked out and fired his gun… and shot the nearby carousel attendant, whose death-collapse makes the carousel go way too fast! You know, because he slumps on the lever and the carousel thinks that means GoTooFast! And Guy is on there with Bruno! They tussle! They tussle! Fast carousel!

A heroic old carnie says he can make the carousel not spin so fast… he then goes fully prone and crawls under the runaway carousel! Why in tarnation is THAT the solution! He is an old, old carnie! Maybe it is the same one who was rude to Bruno. That means we really love this brave fool.

Bruno and Guy are still rasslin' on the carousel, plus a kid got injured. It's all so terribly dangerous, and suspenseful!

Whoa, the carnie accomplished his mission of getting to the middle area to pull the carousel lever and it totally borks the fast-spinning carousel; all kinds of damage is done, people and plastic horses and wood things go flying everywhere and it is a super bad disaster. But everything is ever so close to being resolved. Guy just has to convince the cops that Bruno, who is pinned under a pile of broken carousel components, has the lighter with him. It's kind of hard but eventually they see it in his hand. It's all over! Everything is okay.

The denouement is that Guy and Anne are on a train ride feeling terribly relieved that everything is okay, and a stranger wants to chat so they leave in a funny huff.

So that was just fine, but certainly not "the best Alfred Hitchcock movie". Definitely a really good one, though! Bruno is a unique and compelling villain, and they kept the suspense going very consistently.

Using the tools of the Age of Information has uncovered some other interesting nuggets… Bruno is played by Robert Walker, who died at age 32 shortly after this came out! He had struggled with alcoholism and mental health issues, having actually been an asylum patient at one point. He had also been married to, and divorced from, no less than Jennifer Jones. Another interesting cast member is Patricia Hitchcock, Albert's daughter; she plays Sister. Much is made of Hitch's sly, maybe-vain cameos in his movies but also sometimes his daughter had actual speaking roles. She is still alive at age 92 as I type this.

One more note is that I’m pretty sure that I saw Throw Momma from the Train before I saw this, when it was in theaters even maybe, but even then I knew it was kind of a comedy sorta-version of this, obviously referencing it but also being very much its own thing. Now I find myself probably needing to see that again.

[goffilolo]

Revival of Midoriya Izuku chapter 3

It’s been 84 years huh? As always the fanfic is up on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929483/chapters/52652386

also im aware of like some formatting issues with the fic when it comes to tumblr, so reading it on ao3 might be better if you particularly care about like italics and what not, but otherwise it’s all the same stuff.

“Move your ass Boom Boom Bitch, I wanna get there early!” shouted Izuku, as him and Bandit sat on rather stylish, but uncomfortable couch in the Bakugous’ living room that was probably worth more than both of them put together, which probably wasn’t even that much anyway since they’re both garbage, but it’s about the principle of the thing.

“Shut your mouth you Trash Twink, I’ll get there when I get there! And what the fuck are you doing in my house?” screamed Bakugou all the way from upstairs, although with his voice being as explosive as his quirk he might as well be standing right next to you considering the damage he does to everyone’s eardrums.

Speaking of hearing damage “Katsuki!!! Is that how you talk to our guest you rude brat?! Get over here!” exclaimed Aunt Mitsuki.

“Shut it old hag! Deku’s not a guest, he’s just an annoying cockroach that invites himself wherever he wants and does whatever he wants!” which is a fair point, considering Izuku has invited himself to Bakugou’s first day at UA for less than wholesome reasons. Some people might see it as the ultimate bitch slap to Bakugou’s ego (partially true), but for the most part it’s merely a testament of how far Izuku has come, considering he now only sees UA as a place where he can flirt with Tensei’s hot brother, rather than a means of accomplishing some bullshit dreams... But it’s not like Kacchan knows any of this, so he can fuck off.

If you were to ask Izuku what his deal with Bakugou was, he would reply “Best friends, duh” with enough sarcasm to last you the next ten years. If you were to press for any specifics his reply would be more along the lines of “I dunno, get the fuck out of my apartment” followed by having Trash Bandit sent after you. The bottom line was, his relationship with Bakugou was complicated, as were most thing in Izuku’s life, but that’s not unusual.

Izuku’s presence at the Bakugou household though? That’s quite unusual, yet more likely than you’d think.

And although the screaming match between the two Bakugous was ever so entertaining Izuku had places to be, and guys to seduce, so “Leave it Auntie” he exclaims in a dismissive manner “We don’t want to rile him up too much, otherwise he ain’t gonna get that 30-day chip from the anger management that he’s been gunnin’ for” he adds half-jokingly.

“I know, I know” she says “But you’d think he would act a little nicer by now, after all these months of therapy.”

“Wouldn’t expect miracles if I were you Auntie, you know what the say; Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree ” replies the boy with a shiteating grin as he motions towards Bakugou descending down the stairs, not missing the way Mitsuki flinched ever so slightly at his rather obnoxious comment.

“And to think you used to be such a nice boy yourself, I used to always tell your mother how great it would’ve been if Katsuki was more like you” she says in a mix of bittersweet nostalgia and regret.

“Yeah well, considering the shit I got for being nice , I think from now on I’d rather be a bastard and then some” exclaimed Izuku as he got up from the couch with Bandit in tow and made his way towards Bakugou. The other boy was getting ready to leave as well and his excitement for the day was concealed even more poorly than his mother’s discomfort at the current conversation “Have a good one Auntie!”

And with that, the two teenagers and one (1) sheep were on their way.

“Kacchan please , not everything is about you” said Izuku exasperatedly, hurrying over to the only empty seat on the train.

“Like hell it isn’t! This was supposed to be MY DAY, my first day at the school of my fucking dreams, and you’re trying to ruin it by following me around dressed like a dollar stripper!” replied Bakugou in a whisper-scream. He may have anger issues but he wasn’t a dumbass and the two of them were already drawing enough attention as it was. It wasn’t exactly easy to remain unnoticed on a train while carrying a green sheep; a task which fell on Bakugou, because Izuku was a weak-noodle-arm-bitch.

“First of all, I’m flattered that you think I’m worth a dollar” said the weak-noodle-arm-bitch in question “And second of all, this is my best outfit.” Said best outfit consisted of a worn out tank top that had THE HOES written on it in what once was a glittery pink; a pair of booty shorts with ENEMY OF STATE hand stitched onto the backside and rainbow patterned knee socks. The look was completed with a pair of pink platform crocs, because Izuku had standards ... and because he was short.

“God I hate you” murmured Bakugou.

“Don’t I know it Kacchan?”

The rest of the train ride was spent in silence.

It wasn’t until they actually reached the gates of the school that Bakugou had a thought; one that he probably should’ve had before they even left his house, but having a coherent thought while carrying a sheep and bickering with the sheep’s owner about whether the sheep should be referred to as a dog or not is in all fairness not possible.

“They won’t let you in” he said, voicing the sudden epiphany.

“Sure they will” replied Izuku.

“Oh yeah? How? Deku, you don’t fuckin’ go to this school, you don’t go to ANY school!” shouted Bakugou, because they were no longer on the train, therefore arguing with a lunatic stripper looking guy was now acceptable.

Izuku for the most part did not have a problem with that, because not only did he love having petty fights with people, he also loved proving them wrong, especially when everyone and their grandma accuses him of being a high school drop out.

“Shinjuku Metropolitan would beg to differ” he says, dropping the metaphorical bomb on the unsuspecting dipshit that is his childhood friend, after which he continues to walk, crossing the gates of UA High like he owns the damn place.

After about a minute of Bakugou standing frozen in shock, he finally snapped out of it when Bandit decided to start chewing on his uniform “Oi, hold the fuck up!” screamed the blond as he followed Izuku inside, while the sheep was being dragged along like a betrayed ragdoll  “Did you just say Shinjuku Metropolitan?!”

“Kacchan, you know I can’t hold you, you’re too heavy” replies the other teen, while pointedly ignoring Bakugou’s question and the looks he’s been getting from the students.

“Don’t change the subject shitty Deku! How the fuck did your ass get into a top non-hero high school in the whole damn Tokyo you bitch?”

“What, like it’s hard?”

“I fuckin’ swear to God-”

“Do it! Pull the trigger piglet!”

“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”

Their pointless quarrel, which was on a steady way into becoming a straight up brawl (Izuku having already pulled out his axe and lighted a cigarette using one of Bakugou’s warning explosions) came to a stop when they were interrupted by one of UA’s teachers, although in Izuku’s opinion she made a wrong career choice, considering being a Dominatrix probably paid more.

On another note, when someone asks you ‘what’s going on?’ that doesn’t mean they’re actually interested in whatever is happening at the moment, it means ‘stop’, therefore Izuku’s answer to that question, which usually involves something along the lines of “You see, I’m small, horny and full of rage, and I have no outlet for these emotions” is rarely appreciated. That is not to say that the lack of appreciation is going to stop him from spawning whatever dumb shit comes to his mind when faced with the judgement from authority figures. If anything it makes everything worse.

“That’s just how we flirt” replied the teen instead, all the while looking THE Pro-Hero Midnight dead in the eye and putting out his cigarette on Bakugou’s uniform jacket. Bakugou, for the most part was unable to even be mad at the cigarette burn considering he was busy recovering from being metaphorically punched in the kidneys by that line.

“And why aren’t you wearing uniform?” she asks suspiciously, pointing at Izuku’s attire.

“Oh, I don’t go here” he replied casually.

“Then pray tell , why are you in this school?”

“To get laid”

“TO WHAT?!” screamed Bakugou in surprise.

At this point Midnight took out her phone (no, her costume doesn’t have pockets, please don’t ask where she keeps it) and clicked on one of three contacts she keeps on her speed dial.

“Principal Nedzu, we got a situation…”

After telling Bakugou not to worry and that he will see him later in class, Izuku was dragged to the principal’s office by Midnight.

On the way there he tried cracking up another joke, telling her that his safe word was ‘avocado’. She did not appreciate that one either. For those of you wondering what happened to Bandit, the sheep ended up following Bakugou, much to the blond’s dismay.

Now, being sent to a principal’s office, especially of a school that you don’t even attend is usually a sign that you have royally fucked up. Not for Izuku though, because he had a plan! Contrary to the common belief, Izuku is not dumb. The fall didn’t kill off any of his brain cells, only his ability to give a shit, which made life much easier since he no longer had to worry about things like: people’s opinions, social norms, laws and heteronormativity.

Anyway, back to the plan. Izuku was not dumb, therefore even he knew that wandering around UA while not attending the school would not fly. He needed a way to stay, and for that he needed the guy who runs the whole shitshow; Nedzu.

Which is why the moment Midnight opens the door to the office Izuku stomps in like a man on a mission and stops right in front of an animal of questionable origin in a suit that is allegedly UA’s principal. A little unusual, but if a scumbag like Endeavour can hold the title of No. 2 Hero in Japan, then an animal can run a school.

The principal in question was calmly sitting on a couch and drinking tea, totally unconcerned with whatever bullshit Izuku was about to throw at him.

“Now, what seems to be the issue with this young man?” asked Nedzu.

“This young man-” said Izuku, pointing to himself in a rather cocky manner “has a message for you!”

“And what would that message be?”

The principal’s question was answered with what Izuku can only think of as the ultimate power move, or in this case; a literal ace up the sleeve. The boy proceeded to pull out a Monopoly “Get out of Jail” card out of his shorts (since he technically wasn’t wearing any sleeves) and slam it on the table right in front of Nedzu.

While to an outsider the current situation might seem absurd, it is important to remember that Izuku had a plan; one that could’ve never come to a fruition without a little help from the most unexpected person, which is why that card was no ordinary Monopoly card, but a very specific reminder that only Principal Nedzu would know the meaning of, and when he picked it up and flipped it around, the neatly written message on the back made its presence known.

It read: “You owe me one. - Hisashi”

“My dad says ‘Hi!’ ” exclaimed Izuku, taking one look at Nedzu’s face and knowing that he already won.

Was cashing in on a favour that his dad secured like 10 years ago a morally good decision? Debatable, but it got the job done so he’s not gonna complain. All that mattered was that Izuku now had a pass to enter the UA grounds whenever he pleased and nobody could stop him, and so here he was about to enter the classroom where Kacchan is supposed to be in. The bell hasn’t rung yet so he still had some time and who knows, maybe the handsome guy from the police station was in the same class?

With that in mind he opened the gigantic door and made his way into the classroom and was met with what looked like a pissing contest between his crush and his childhood friend.

“REMOVE YOUR FOOT FROM THAT DESK! SUCH AN ACTION IS INSULTING TO THOSE WHO CAME TO UA BEFORE US AS WELL AS THE CRAFTSMEN WHO MADE THIS DESK!”

“LIKE I CARE! WHAT MIDDLE SCHOOL ARE YOU FROM, YOU EXTRA ?!”

Ah yes, pissing contest at its finest, which meant that Izuku had options . The most obvious course of action would be siding up with Tenya and taunting Kacchan, which is not something Izuku would ever say no to. However , it also happens that the object of his affections had a massive boner for rules and authority, which is the exact opposite of everything Izuku stands for, so siding up with Kacchan it is.

And so he made his way to the pair of bickering teenagers and promptly pushed Kacchan’s feet off the desk, earning a scoff from the blond and an approving but baffled look from Iida, which only lasted for about 2 seconds, because Izuku being the gay disaster that he is simply HAD to ruin it all by claiming the desk as his sitting spot and giving Tenya the most ridiculous bedroom eyes that had Kacchan fake gagging like his life depended on it.

“Umm...Izuku, was it?” asked Tenya, feeling awkward under the other boy’s intense gaze.

“It sure was” replied the boy, feeling happy about leaving enough of an impression to be remembered from all those weeks ago “Fancy seeing you here, huh?”

“Indeed-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Deku!” exclaimed Bakugou, completely fed up with the cringeworthy display in front of him “Just tell four-eyes that you came here because you wanted to see him and be done with it!”

“WHAT?”

“Kacchan, not now! I’m trying to put on some moves!”

“Well your moves are shit-”

“Hey, aren’t you that guy from the news who stabbed a villain in the eye with an axe?!” shouted one of the students while pointing at Izuku. There was something ironic about the fact that it was his stunt on live TV from 2 weeks ago that got everyone’s heads turning and not his iconic outfit, or inappropriate behaviour, or literally anything else about him. Like that’s just rude ok? And interrupting him while he’s trying to flirt? Also rude.

“Bitch, I might be” he replied anyway, because his reputation was on the line and because at this point literally everyone has gathered around the desk that he sat on, so things were way past the point of return. People were throwing questions and accusations at him left and right, Trash Bandit is nowhere to be found and his quil flask is not full enough for this bullshit. At this point Bakugou simply got up from his seat and sat at the back of the room, as far away from this nonsense as possible.

“It’s you!”exclaimed the boy with dual coloured hair and equally mismatched eyes “You’re the guy who keeps T-posing in front of my house. Can you please stop?!” he asked with the most deadpan face Izuku has ever seen despite his voice being filled with desperation.

“Look, I T-pose in front of a lot of houses so you’re gonna have to be more specific” he replied sarcastically — despite knowing exactly who he was talking to — since it probably wasn’t a good moment to mention that you’re besties with that person’s mom because you were both stuck in the same loony bin and so you already know all the family drama and have dedicated a good portion of your time to harassing her abusive piece of shit husband…especially with like 20 people around you.

“You’re the one who egged my limo!” shouted one of the girls at the back. She was a very tall girl with long, dark hair tied in a seemingly gravity defying ponytail and a kind face. She had an air of a distinguished lesbian about her, which Izuku could respect even if she was rich if the limo comment was anything to go by. He egged several limos in his lifetime because seeing rich people out in public makes him go apeshit, as it should, so really how is he supposed to remember everyone?

“And I will egg it again!” promised Izuku “When I see rich people out and about it triggers my fight-or-fuck response”

“Don’t you mean fight-or-flight?” she asked.

“No”

“Are you ok?”

“Not in the slightest”

And with that more people joined in on the conversation, including a particular girl who very much looked like an alien with her bright pink skin and black sclera who ended up complementing his outfit, which thank fuck someone here actually had good taste , as well as a guy who ended up being Ms Shouji’s son, and the only reason he found out was because the guy recognised his antics based on the gossip his mom told him and isn’t that a small fuckin world? And in the middle of it all laid an inconspicuous yellow sleeping bag that has been conveniently ignored by everyone for the sake of the plot up until now.

The sleeping bag began to seemingly unzip by itself and soon enough Bandit’s head poked out of it.

“Bandit! There you are”

“Baaah!”

“Guys! Look at this dog!” exclaimed one of the students who Izuku thought looked like a personification of weed, but he wasn’t going to say that. At least the guy knew what he was talking about.

“I’m pretty certain it’s a sheep-” added Tenya, taking his role as the last standing voice of reason in this room very seriously, even though his voice has practically drowned in the sea of teenagers chanting ‘good doggo’, similarly to how one might feel if they were standing at a dance floor while Baby Got Back started playing.

It’s also important to note that while all of this was happening, Bakugou who has sat himself at the back of the room was forced to witness the chaotic force that is Izuku interacting with multiple people at once while being able to convince about 20 of them to refer to his sheep as a dog, and in that moment he turned around staring into the void and asked himself “Am I having a fuckin stroke?”

“Nah, he’s always like that” replied the one person who was sat at the back along with him that Bakugou previously did not bother to notice.

“And how would you know, you damn extra?” asked Bakugou somewhat offended, because sure him and Izuku were not on the friendliest terms and the whole incident from last year really changed him and what not. But they still knew each other their whole lives, so really that had to count for something and Bakugou was not willing to compromise on that with some random extra who looked like a Tinky Winky humansona on drugs.

Unfortunately Bakugou was not able to get an answer because the entire class was interrupted by a homeless looking guy coming out of the yellow sleeping bag to shame student kind. “If you’re here to socialise, then get out” he said. Soon enough the room was filled with a tense silence as the students were unsure of what to expect next.

“It took 8 seconds for you to quiet down. Time is a precious resource. You lot aren’t very rational, are you?” asked the man as he walked to the front of the classroom, making it very clear that he was in fact their teacher. The man was rather tall and unkept, his hair was long and slightly curled, similar to Izuku’s own and the outfit he wore could only be described as a goth onesie. There was something very familiar about him but Izuku couldn’t quite make out what it was supposed to be.

However, just because Izuku’s memory aligns very closely with a slice of swiss cheese doesn’t mean that the same can be said about the teacher in question. As soon as he turned around to get a good look at his new class his eyes fell on Izuku and his face has swiftly shifted from that of practiced disinterest to shock and recognition that Izuku honestly was not expecting.

“What are you doing here problem child?” asked the man with a certain degree of disbelief in his voice. Once again there was something very familiar about him and the way he addressed Izuku and wait a minute did he just call me a problem child? That can’t be-

“Uncle Shouta” exclaimed the boy in a way that felt uncertain, yet childishly hopeful “Is that you?”

“Of course it is brat, who else would I be?” he replied with a hint of amusement.

[irinanonyme]

Here's a Ryuji and Ryukoto appreciation post! (super long post but it's worth it)

One big problem (that everyone has already noticed, it's nothing new) is that the writers aren't really good at writing a good friendship between Ryuji and the other members of the phantom thieves.

While many say that his place in the group is used as a "comic relief", (which btw doesn't work because we feel bad for him), I also think that they're trying to make a fun friendship. Kinda like when you and your friends call yourselves "hoes" and "stupid bitches" but obviously don't mean it and it's just a joke, an affectionate way to say "I feel comfortable enough with you to say dumb shit".

However in Ryuji's case it doesn't work because not only does it go in only one way (the phantom thieves towards Ryuji but never Ryuji towards them... except maybe for Morgana but they're just quarreling) but also because Ryuji doesn't like it and doesn't take it as a joke.

The biggest example of him being mistreated was when he literally saves everyone's ass only to get beat up afterward while we know very well from his confidant that his father used to beat him and his mom, also his legs got broken by Kamoshida. The saddest thing is that he's not even trying to be dramatic about it.

He's just like "uh... yeah. My dad used to beat me up and my mom but whatever, I'm past that" while we get hours and hours of Futaba's palace showing us that "oh no her mom is dead those adults suck". No offense in any way to Futaba btw, I like her and there's nothing wrong with her arc but I just find that sad how while we got a whole big ass backstory for her troubles Ryuji's abuse gets downplayed the whole game and made fun of.

O-kaaaaay let's move on to the main point: Ryukoto.

This is something that seemed really obvious to me and I'm surprised that there's not many people talking about it. This ship has SO much potential if done right. (Emphasis on DONE RIGHT.)

I know it's super cliche because Makoto is supposed to be the typical "super intelligent girl with a badass side" and Ryuji the "lovable and reckless idiot" so this type of ship is overdone everywhere. Movies, games, TV series, manga, books, etc. I know.

But did any of you realize that both of them have many similarities?

For example, their troubles getting "downplayed". Like I said earlier Ryuji was abused by his dad but we never hear any more than that and in Makoto's case there's something similar happening. We know that her mom died when she was really young and then her dad but she never makes a big deal out of it just like Ryuji. I guess they didn't feel the need to add anything to that narrative because we already have many characters in persona who don't have/lost their parents (Futaba, Yusuke, Akechi, Haru, etc.) However there's something else happening, it's about Sae.

Remember that one scene where Sae just randomly started yelling at Makoto and telling her that she's useless, that she should "aknowledge their situation" and that she "eats away at her life". If it happend once what makes you think that it doesn't happen regularly? Afterward Sae realizes that she effed up, apologizes and says that from now on she'll eat outside which makes me think that this is not the first time this kind of thing happens. Makoto's reaction also comfirms it at the beginning when she wants to bring up their dad but knows clearly what can happen when she does.

Sae is obviously having a lot of stress due to the fact that she's now suddenly the "adult of the house" and she has to bring enough money home for both of them not to mention that Makoto has yet to get into a college (which can be really pricey). So it's understandable that Sae feels on edge and knows that she shouldn't say things like that. But even if she doesn't mean it she's still her sister and her words hurt. I'm hesitating on calling this a borderline verbal abuse situation because we don't have enough evidence for that (and also because many love Sae and I'll get my ass fried if I say anything bad about her, no worries though. I do think that she's an interesting character.)

So let's continue.

Then the whole time Makoto is teary eyed and silent which once. Again. Makes me think that this is absolutely not the first time this happens. Afterward we see Makoto's desperate attempts at trying to be useful to the phantom thieves and make a place for herself where there isn't. Both Ryuji and Makoto don't think highly of themselves, Ryuji thinks that he's a burden to his mother and Makoto to her sister. And so they always throw their lives away/put themsleves in great danger, Makoto when she goes with those strangers in a car to meet Kaneshiro and Ryuji when he stops a taxi by jumping on the road, or the time at Shido's palace when he saves everyone (the scene after that when he gets beat up is still super yikes like wtf do you think you're doing atlus??)

One thing that I always liked about her (that many don't) is that the palace in which she awakens doesn't have "much to do with her" compared to the others. But that's why it's great. Many say it would've been better if the palace was the headmaster's palace instead of "that random mafia guy" however I disagree. The build up to this moment always seems so obvious to me that it surprises me that a lot of people don't see the connection.

The whole build up before her awakening is all the people around her treating her like garbage and using her because she's the goody-two-shoes student council president who apparently only cares about a letter of recommendation and only does all those good things to get praise while we're proven wrong again and again. Does she want a letter of recommendation? Of course. It would be easier to get into a good college and help her sister financially since apparently if you have a letter of recommendation some colleges in Japan will take you for free (if I'm not wrong, I might be saying bullcrap so don't quote me on that). But is she mainly doing this for the letter? No. She does it because it's the right thing to do. She could've easily let those students in debt and tell the headmaster who the phantom thieves are but instead she prioritizes the students of her school.

And that's where all of this comes in: Kaneshiro DOES actually have something to do with Makoto because he attacked the students of HER school. If you get involved with the students of Shujin then you also get involved with Makoto.

But anyway, this turned out so long and I'm not even DONE.

Also how Ryuji and Makoto have similar taste. They're both sports-y, (Ryuji probably finds martial arts awesome I mean come on) and Makoto likes mafia movies which makes me think she also likes "cool" things and same for Ryuji. When Makoto awakened Ryuji was immediately on board calling Makoto an ass whooper, a post-apocalyptic raider and whatnot.

Both of them also get suppressed by their surroundings but for different reasons, Ryuji by the teachers and track team members because he's a ""delinquent"" and Makoto by the students and headmaster because she's the student council president.

Those two just understand eachother I'm telling you. Now just imagine them hanging out with eachother and helping eachother.

Makoto teaching Ryuji fancy Aikido moves he can pull out anytime just in case some crazy teacher has the bad idea to break his legs again so he can defend himself. Ryuji teaching her how to "talk casually" and more like people of her age so she can make friends, and also how to use emojis and play video games. Imagine Makoto saying "for real?!" and sending weird emojis to Ryuji then she has to explain what it means the next day. Like

"Hey uh, Makoto... Is Morgana okay?

-Of course, what do you mean?

-I mean, yesterday at 9pm you sent me this: "Morgana is gonna be delighted *knife emoji* *knife emoji* *cat emoji* *cat emoji* (🔪🔪🐱🐱)" what does that even mean?

-I was cooking something for Morgana since we couldn't bring him sushi yesterday. Is something wrong about that?

- Oh thank God... I thought you were about to kill him.

-What?! That's ridiculous. I would never!"

Ryuji also lends her some shonen and seinen manga because he knows she'll definitely like those (especially the mafia ones). Though they keep that a secret from the others because Makoto doesn't want them to know. But this one time they come into her room and Akira/Ren is like "hmm... I've seen the same mangas in Ryuji's room." So they just nervously laugh it off.

Just IMAGINE the studying scene actually helping Ryuji.

It starts off with Ryuji not even being serious about it and half assing it because he thinks "it's useless I'll never be able to get something better than a low passing grade" because his whole life he's been told that he's stupid and even when he put effort and time into it he wasn't able to get much better.

So then Makoto asks him what kind of method he uses to study and Ryuji's just like?? "What do you mean method? Isn't studying just about reading the same thing over and over again until it gets into your head?"

And so Makoto sighs and explains that there are different ways of memorizing and that everyone has different brains thus different methods of studying. For example she says she's more "manual" so she has to write down the important parts of her lessons a couple of time so she'll remember studying as an "activity/event" of her day thus she remembers what she was writing down because it takes concentration to write something and a councious effort to make a synthesis of all the important parts of her textbooks.

So they make a test to find out what type Ryuji is, Makoto will say 20 completely different words and everytime Ryuji will use a different way to memorize them. The first time around he writes them down then turns the paper so he can't see what he wrote.

He realizes that he was more focused on properly writing down everything she says rather than actually memorizing it so it doesn't work. Then they try again but this time all he has to do is listen carefully to her voice, she says that if it helps him he can also try to make a song with those 20 words.

No good, he's not the auditive type either.

Then lastly Makoto tells him to try to picture every word she says inside of his mind, if it's a tiger he'll picture a tiger. If it's cooking he'll picture someone cooking etc.

And so it ends up working best! He's more of the visual type.

Makoto then talks about the different ways he can study thanks to that. For history he can recreate the stories inside of his mind so anytime he needs to he can play the images in his brain and even if it's not 100% accurate it's fine. Imagine the story you're creating in your mind is a manga based on past events! For math where there isn't much "visualizing" to do, Makoto says he can try to "see" the layout of the page in his mind and if he gets through it a couple of times he can even remember which formula is in which spot of the page which makes it easier to remember them.

Makoto keeps giving him tips and Ryuji listens carefully. She ends her speech by saying that he's not stupid and that disliking studying is normal, having bad grades doesn't make an individual dumb. After seeing that Makoto is serious Ryuji also gets in the "study mood". He's happy because for once he's not being made fun of for really trying his best to get good grades. He feels comfortable with Makoto because she's not looking down on him for having troubles with studying and doesn't mock his efforts.

Thus he ends up having good grades (not Makoto level good but like... B+s and occasional As which seems like a dream for Ryuji.)

Everyone is baffled.

The phantom thieves, the teachers, the students.

It ends up looking really suspicious that he has good grades to the point where people think that he somehow managed to cheat or something. But it's fine, Ryuji doesn't care about what they think and he's super happy at the thought of his mom praising him. The whole time though Makoto is like "I knew it, Ryuji can achieve anything when he really tries." From this point onwards they always study together.

After a while Makoto invites him over since her sister is never home anyways and same for Ryuji. Also the daily lessons they have at school make their way into their conversations thus they pay more attention in class so they can talk about it afterward in their study sessions.

Since Makoto is a third year Ryuji asks her about the things he didn't understand and this helps Makoto to re-check her basics from past years since she tends to forget them and Ryuji also gets interested in third year material then starts getting ahead of his classmates.

This one time he was asked to solve a calculus equation/problem but he wasn't paying attention and he's like... wait... didn't I see this type of thing in Makoto's textbooks? He accidently uses the 3rd year formula instead having no idea that they didn't learn it yet and the teacher is like... "That's... correct? Isn't this third year material though?" And oblivious Ryuji thinks to himself "ah shit, am I gonna get scolded for not paying attention?"

But it's all fine, the teacher was just surprised that Ryuji knew how to use that method and everyone starts thinking that Ryuji is actually secretly super smart and all this time he was failing his tests on purpose to piss the teachers off. From that point onwards he doesn't seem as scary to the others anymore and he gets teased by his classmates sometimes, even the teachers. "So Sakamoto-kun is actually smart huh? Who would've thought."

After a while people start approaching him to ask for help with their homework and with his cheery personality he always explains everything in a super easy way to understand, many start coming to him. Even students from other classrooms then suddenly the "delinquent Sakamoto-kun" isn't scary at all anymore. Poor boy gets teased everyday, especially when they see him talking to Makoto.

"Hey dude! The blond hair doesn't suit you anymore, dye it back to black Sakamoto!!"

"So the student council president is your girlfriend? Makes sense, people who are alike get along right?"

"Aww and here I thought that I had a chance with you... Well, if you're just friends then maybe we could meet this weekend? Just the two of us."

Even Makoto finds teasing him entertaining. She does the typical *wink wink nudge nudge* whenever a girl says she's interested in him. Little does she know that he has someone in his mind already...

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 55 - Wine, puzzles and spoonmen (Part One)

In the previous chapter: Eddie and Angie woke up at her apartment. It's the third time in a row they sleep together but, although Eddie is constantly teasing her, they haven't had sex yet. Angie starts to get worried about this too and believes something's wrong. Eddie, Stone and Mike go to Roxy's on that same morning, right during Angie's shift at the diner. Eddie cheekily jokes, teases her, sends her subliminal love messages through juke box songs, then follows her in the back and kisses her; she thinks he's doing it on purpose so that their friends will find out about their relationship. The two of them have a brief argument but they soon make it up. Meg tells Angie about her new project: becoming a tattoo artist. She also understands Angie's worried about something and has her friend spill the beans. Angie confesses she has doubts about Eddie's physical attraction towards her. Meg tries to talk some sense into her and suggests her to set up a romantic night for Eddie and her at their apartment.

***

“Ian, can you come here a sec?” I call my coworker as I look through the sketchbook my roommate has just slipped on the counter top together with her purchases.

“What's up?” I hear him answer from afar.

“I need your help”

“Can't you do it by yourself? That guy who dropped the jarred Bolognese sauce made a mess!”

“Umph if that's Bolognese sauce, then I'm Julia Roberts!” I comment right when Hannigan comes back from the storage room, probably because of the commotion he heard.

“ANGIE?” he gives me a nasty look and I'd want to sink into the ground.

“Err I meant that it's a sauce produced in our beloved America! Healthy American food, tasty and nutritious... which gets inspiration from an Italian recipe to... to...” I try and make up for that as I address my audience, that is basically Meg, looking at me as if she could burst into laughing any minute, my boss and two perplexed customers, a young man and a fifty-something woman.

“To give a new interpretation of it?” the guy suggests from the snacks department.

“EXACTLY! A new interpretation. Different from the original”

“But as valid as the original” the boss adds.

“Very valid!” I say through my teeth.

“She's half Italian.” Meg explains to the customers “She'll be fucking fussing about everything but the sauce is good” the guy snickers and the lady shakes her head and walks towards the frozen foods.

“I'd have liked for you not to use the F word but you perfectly summed up my thinking” Hannigan's face relaxes and maybe I still have a job.

“Anyway it's all Ian's fault” I point out as soon as I see my colleague show up behind the back of the boss.

“What did I do?”

“I called you and you didn't came”

“Well, now I'm here, what's wrong?”

“Now Hannigan's here, I don't need you anymore”

“Can you please explain what the fuck's happening? I didn't understand a fucking thing!” the boss blurts out in the middle of our quarrel.

“I thought you couldn't say the F word here” Meg chimes in raising her hand as if she was at school.

“Not to custumers, but to employees...  yes”

“Meg needs to buy some wine” I point at my roommate and the bottle she's placed on the counter.

“So what? Your shift ends at 13:00, you still have 10 minutes” Ian gives me a glazed look and right now I'd stick my thumbs into his eyes.

“It's not for the timing, it's that I can't sell alcohol...”

“Oh right! Well, you'll take care of that, right?” he asks to our boss.

“Yeah, sure Ian! I'll take care of that, I'm already here! By the way why should I have my paid personnel work when I can do everything by myself, right?”

“Uhm... ok, I'll go and put some more sawdust on that stain” Ian walks away and Meg can't resist this time and explodes laughing.

“Haha he's so dumb! Anyway isn't it funny that you cannot sell me wine, considering you're the one who'll drink it?” my friend remarks while Hannigan's ringing her items: red wine bottle, sliced bread, salmon, cheese, butter, various snacks.

“You're kind of dumb too, you know” I hide my face behind my palms.

“You could avoid telling me, at least...” mutters the boss and shakes his head.

“Who? Telling you what? I didn't say a word! Oops, I forgot the dessert, wait a minute!” Meg realizes the shit she just did and plays dumb, walking away towards the sweets section.

“She was just kidding anyway hehe” I say and I hope he doesn't notice I'm sweating.

“Of course”

**

“They're great!”

“Thank you Meg for grocery shopping for me and bringing all the bags up for four floors for me... that's what you just said, right?” my friend is putting everything into the fridge as I keep looking through her sketchbook.

“Exactly”

“Anyway you don't have to tell me you like them only to make me happy, I want a honest opinion”

“I am honest! I must say I like the ones in black and white better”

“Right? I'm not confident with colors yet. I mean, it's not like I can't draw stuff in colors. It's just, whenever I draw something and color it and I think it'd be supposed to end on someone's skin, everything seems shit to me. I did very few drawings in color”

“The flowers series is perfect, also the one with the animals” she's really good at drawing, I've always known that.

“They're just doodles to get started, to try some themes and styles”

“They're not doodles... what about this?” I focus on something drawn on a separated sheet of paper, folded and stuck in the middle of the book, which falls down to the floor as I turn the pages.

“Which one?” Meg distractedly turns around then closes the fridge door shut and runs up to me, snatching the paper from my hand as soon as she sees what it is “Oh this? This is nothing, this... I did it last night at the salon, during downtime, it sucks”

It's a page made entirely of pieces of a puzzle, they're all different in shape and shade but don't create any image. They're all blank and fill the whole sheet of paper except for a small space, a missing piece. Instead of the missing piece, in the layer underneath, you can see something that looks like live flesh and muscle tissue, and it's the only colored part of the drawing.

“It's simple but of immediate effect. This could really become a tattoo”

“Do you think so?”

“Yeah, it also seems very realistic. It's disturbing but in a positive sense, I like it!”

“Oh, well, thank you”

“What does it mean?”

“That I thank you for your compliment?”

“Haha no, what does the tattoo mean?”

“Ah”

“There's always a meaning behind, right? What would such a tattoo mean?”

“Well but... but this is not a tattoo is just an excercise, there's no reason behind”

“No?”

“No! Ok, now that you make me think about it, it could represent, I don't know, a missing piece in someone's life? I mean, everybody has their own void inside, right? Nobody feels 100% complete, there's always a piece of the puzzle we can't find or that we lost in the way. And it can be very different things: a person, a passion, a goal in life. What do you think?”

“I think it'd be the perfect matching tattoo for a couple”

“A couple? Hahaha I didn't know you were so romantic!”

“Not necessarily a romantic couple. Also between two big friends. Or brothers. Think about it, one person can have the incomplete puzzle tattoed and the other one can have the missing piece, which fits in it perfectly”

“That's an idea. It should represent a strong bond. Between brothers... or a parent and a child”

“Sure, also” the latter not necessarily being a strong bond...

“A mother... a mother could get this one, with one or more missing pieces depending on how many children she's got.And the children will be the missing pieces” and what if the missing parts are the parents instead?

“And they you'll inject ink in those chubby baby arms of theirs!”

“Hahahah shut up! They can have it done when they're grown up. OR... you can draw the missing pieces in the same tattoo, a little further” Meg takes the sketchbook from my hands and starts drawing as she speaks, taken from sudden inspiration.

“You can also put the name in it. Or initials”

“Which name?”

“Of the child. Inside the puzzle piece”

“Sure, if I knew the name”

“What do you mean? Haha how can a mother not know the name?”

Meg gives me a weird look, then smiles: “I meant, if only you could give me a name to have a try”

“Try with Angie” I smirk.

“A random one”

“Totally random”

“Don't even try, I'm not gonna get matching tattoos with you, forget it” she shakes her head as she starts sketching a cursive A inside the drawing.

“SHUT UP! I'm scared of getting my earlobes pierced, do you think I'd get a tattoo?! You're crazy”

“Oh, I see, you wanna get one with Eddie?”

“Come on, hurry up, we need to go shopping”

“Hahaha this enthusiasm from you surprises me, abstinence can be powerful”

“MEG!”

**

“Do you really think we can find a slutty nightgown in a thrift shop?” Meg doesn't watch her tone as we stop in front of Rummage Hall.

“Shhhhhh! I don't wanna buy a slutty nightgown, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You don't want to? We went out exactly for that”

“You said I should wear something nice but not too much. I don't wanna go too far or Eddie will understand...”

“Excuse me, isn't that the purpose of the whole thing? Make him understand?”

“Yes but...”

“Well, slutty it is, then!” Meg enters the shop and I tag along.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhh”

“Anyway we're not gonna find shit in here” my friend takes long strides towards the clothing section.

“Where did you want to go? Nancy Meyer? I've got no money for that stuff”

“No, but Fantasy Unlimited is a short walk away”

“BUT THAT- ehm... that is an adult shop” I raise my voice too without noticing, then shush myself up.

“And you're an adult, aren't you? Anyway they've got very cute things, I bought a lot of stuff there, that for the record I use also to go to clubs. Well, now only to go to clubs” she shrugs as she's examining a satin-like robe and then puts it back.

“You just need two triangles of fabric to be dressed and look nice, Meg, but for me it's slightly different”

“You just need triangles a little bigger, what's the problem?”

“The problem is there are no triangles big enough for me”

“Shut up!”

“And I don't know if Eddie would like that, I mean, I don't know his preferences” maybe he doesn't like this kind of seduction artifices, maybe he prefers a simpler style, a more natural approach. Why the fuck am I not naturally hot?

“He's a guy and he's heterosexual, what would his preferences ever be? The more skin he sees, the happier he is” it's Meg's very easy answer.

“My skin?”

“Yes, why?”

“There's too much skin in my case, maybe I'd better hide it” who am I kidding? You don't just put something cute on and turn into an attractive girl. You must be able to carry it around and feel confident in those clothes. I don't even feel comfortable now that I have a coat on. I'm never comfortable, except sometimes, with Eddie. Why ruin everything? I'll just show up like this, with a coat on. Or my fleece robe, I mean, he's used at my shitty outfits, this would be nothing new.

“Angie, what the fuck are you talking about?? He wants to see your skin because he likes you, I thought that had been already established by now”

“He likes me, altogether”

“No, fuck altogether, fuck mind, personality and all the other bullshit”

“Bullshit?”

“Angie, he likes your body, you turn him on, he wants you”

“He wants me so much than I gotta dress slutty to have him notice me?”

“The point is not having him notice you, that's what you got totally wrong. He already noticed you, you're with him basically! The point is letting him know you're ready for the next step. And stimulate him a little, warming up the atmosphere”

“If you say so” warming up, uh?

“Fuck, Angie, you're gonna give me a nervous breakdown sooner or later!” Meg pinches the bridge of her nose and I'm afraid she's really about to explode.

“Don't yell! There's people here” I complain looking around in embarrassment and hoping no one is listening to our conversation.

“Listen, when you're together... don't you ever notice anything in him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever you kiss or hug... I mean, when you make out and stuff”

“Well, he looks... invested, focused on me and always gives me those looks that-”

“Ok ok, the look of love. But apart from that? Nothing else? Can't you feel anything?”

“What am I supposed to feel?”

“You know, since you also sleep together... and stuff”

“Stuff and stuff... Couldn't you be more clear?”

“Have you ever felt... something knocking?”

“Knocking?”

“Hasn't mini-Eddie ever popped up to say hi?”

“Mini... MEG WHAT THE FUCK??”

“Does he get hard? You must have noticed”

“DID YOU LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND?!”

“Shhh stop yelling, there's people here” Meg chuckles and I'd kick her ass.

“You're to lock up” I grab her from the sleeve of her jacket and try to drag her out of the shop with me but she pushes me towards the books section.

“Jeez, you're such a prude”

“I'm not a prude, I'm just... discreet”

“Ok so have you ever discreetly checked if he gets a boner or not when he's with you?”

“Apart from the fact that it doesn't mean anything”

“Sure, now Eddie gets random boners with no reason, after all he's in his full pubescent phase”

“You're joking but it's true. Erections are not necessarily linked to sexual arousal only. Do you know men can get erections at the point of death too under certain circumstances?”

“Oh really? And how many times did Eddie die recently?” she smirks.

“Anyway, that said... it's none of your business” I turn the other way trying to look upset and as I look towards the clothing section, where we were until five minutes ago, I spot something I hadn't noticed before.

“I already know anyway!” Meg yells behind my back as I walk away towards the object of my interest, then she catches up with me “Come on, don't be mad. I'm sorry. I just wanted to prove my point! And tease you a little”

“What do you think about this?” I turn around showing the item I've just taken from the line.

“I think that... well, considering it's Eddie, we would never find something better to stimulate him, not ever at Fantasy Unlimited. Buy it!”

******************************************************************************************************************************************

I'm halfway between the first and the second floor when I realize I took the stairs instead of the elevator. I stop for a second, contemplating how stupid I am and trying to remember the moment I put autopilot on. I probably lost some lucidity once I parked outside Angie's condo. Was the doorway open? I think so, 'cause I don't remember buzzing and I'd remember if I had heard her voice, even through that shitty croaky buzzer. It looks like spending more time together hasn't changed the effect that the idea of seeing her has on me. I hope it'll never change. I shake my head and start walking up the stairs, two steps at a time, to arrive sooner. I didn't exactly run but when I get to the fourth floor I feel flushed. I take a deep breath, pull up my backpack and walk down the hallway to Angie's apartment. The first weird thing I notice is a sound: the sound of a saxophone, which becomes louder and louder as I get closer. The second weird thing shows up as soon as I turn down the corner and see something's wrong in Angie's door. As I come closer I realize the hallway lamp casts a narrow beam of light on the floor inside the apartment and from that I notice that the door is half-closed. As far as I know Angie double locks herself up even in her bathroom when she's home alone, she'd never let the apartment door open. I walk up slowly and in the meantime I open my backpack and stick my hand in it to find something I could use as a weapon. I don't really wanna waste some good wine crashing the bottle on the head of an elusive burglar. But I also doubt the videotape of Harold and Maude would have the same effect. I grab the bottle from the neck as I push the door open and cautiously enter the apartment. And I immediately notice two things. First of all I see there's something on the floor and at first they seem parts of a colorful object that broke into pieces. But as I lean down to see better, I take some of these fragments in my hand and figure out it's nothing but flowers, abandoned on the floor. I grope my way looking for water or glass pieces of a fallen and then shattered vase but I can't find anything. Now that I think about it, there was no vase of flowers here, at least not until this morning. Almost at the same time, I realize it's not really flowers but only petals and they seem to form a path towards the living room. In that moment I figure out I can follow the path of the blue and red petals on the floor with my eyes because the entrance is not lit only by the external hallway light but also by some burning candles placed on the phone table and on the shoe cabinet.

Oh.

I quickly stand up, feeling stupid for mistaking a romantic setting for a crime scene. I finally close the door behind me and follow the way led by the flowers, walking towards the living room and imagining the different scenes I could find, which have all the same main character. But she's the one missing when I get in the room, all that I find is more candles, the small table laden with delicious food and further away, between the two couches, a basket with a composition of blue and red flowers, just like the petals on the floor. Your love is king sings Sade in the background, that is not exactly background, since the volume is pretty loud. And I'm just standing here, wine still in my hand, waiting for Angie to magically show up, maybe with a little ambush behind my back, covering my eyes with her hands or in any other way she came up with. But that doesn't happen. Suddenly I think I hear a sound, more sounds, actually an almost regular sequence of sounds. I go and turn down the music a little and the series of dull thuds sounds clearer. Maybe a romantic setting doesn't exclude a crime scene... what the fuck is happening?

“Angie?” I call her and get no answer.

The noise comes from the kitchen and that's where I go, quickly but with caution. At first I slowly open the door to peep in, then I fling it open when I see Angie at the window, leaning outside, basically perched on the windowsill.

“Angie!” I call her again but she can't hear me. So I put the wine bottle on the table and reach out for her, shaking her by her shoulder “Angie what th-”

“AAH! Oh shit, Y'ALL WATCH OUT DOWN THERE!” Angie jumps and starts yelling outside the window, then I can hear a sharp noise, like something shattered into pieces and that's when I look out too to see what's happening.

What's happening is that there a small group of people on the pavement just outside the condo, standing in a sort of circle around a red expanding stain, while a guy curses and gives the middle finger in our direction.

“Angie... what did you do? What does it mean?” I ask as we both stuck our heads back inside the apartment.

“I've just lost a bottle of red wine and a boot” Angie sighs and replies as if it's the most normal thing, finally turning to face me.

And I finally focus for a moment and see what's in front of me: Angie, dressed in just a black The Who t-shirt that leaves her legs almost entirely uncovered, eye liner or whatever it is on her eyes, with those little wings on the sides pointing upwards that make her look more like a kitty, a glossy lipstick on her lips, vanilla scent. Maybe the burglar hit and killed me and this is heaven.

“Well, I can make up for the wine because I brought some too...” I walk backwards towards the table without taking my eyes off her, pointing at the place where I must have put the bottle “and I can go out and get back your shoe in no time. So, you see? Everything has a solution hehe, don't worry” why the fuck am I laughing? Do I think I'm funny? And why am I sweating?

“I'm sorry you have to go, you've just arrived” she replies with an irresistible pout, moving away from the window and breaking eye contact looking down.

“No problem, I'll be back in a minute.” I'm about to leave the kitchen, then I come back in “Oh wait, I can't”

“Oh ok... why? I mean, it doesn't matter Eddie, don't... don't worry” she starts stuttering and I smirk inside, trying to look cool.

“I forgot I have to do something first”

“What?” she asks puzzled before I get close and take her face between my hands to kiss her.

“This. I'll be right back, ok?” I whisper right after.

“Ok” she smiles and I kiss her again.

“And just so you know, when I'm back I got a bunch of questions about all this to ask you”

“Ok” her smiles widens and I kiss her once more.

“I'm telling you in advance so I won't catch you unprepared”

“Ok...” she repeats and I'm about to kiss her once again but she holds me back with her hands against my chest “Now go though”

“Uh is that so?” I try and get my kiss but she pushes me harder away.

“Hurry up”

“I'm going, I'm going. So bossy...” I let go of her and leave the kitchen, only to show up on the doorway a second later, only for a moment “I like it”

**

It takes me a while to find the boots, I mean, the boot, Angie's brown one, cause it rolled down the sidewalk under a parked car. When I find it, I instinctively look up, as if I'm expecting to see her still there, at the window, with her colorful hair fluttering in the night breeze. But she's not there and  I immediately go back inside. And during the whole way, this time using the elevator, I try and figure out the connection between wine and boot and the dynamics that brought them both out of the window. I walk up to the apartment and Sade is still singing.

“Thank you, Eddie. Do you want some?” I turn around the corner in the hallway and Angie's on the doorway with a bowl of chips in her hands and she holds it out to me as I get closer.

I want you I'd tell her but I just give her the boot and take the bowl and bury my hand in it.

“Anytime” I watch her quickly walking away into her room, quickly walking on her naked legs... GET IT TOGETHER MAN, YOU'RE SWEATING.

“Why are you standing there like that? Come in” Angie comes back and I'm still here at the door eating chips.

“I was waiting for you” I shrug and follow the flower path and her steps once again into the living room.

“So?” she asks when we're in front of the couch and I put the bowl of chips down on the small wooden table, since I believe we're about to sit down. Yet she keeps standing and smiles at me, with the tip of her canine popping up and diggin into her lower lip for a second as usual.

“So?” I repeat getting closer till my face is inches from hers, but without hugging her or kissing her, as if there's a game, a challenge between us, a challenge I'll surely fail.

“The bunch of questions... “ she looks down and, tugging the hem of her t-shirt down, she quickly takes a seat and I'm sure she's blushing even though she's not looking at me.

“Ok... Sade?” I point at the record player and sit down beside her, as I take off my jacket and throw it on the other couch.

“Hahaha of all this mess, the strangest thing to you is Sade's record?”

“No. But it's the first thing I thought of now”

“Don't you like it? It's... it's a good album” she turns towards me and subtly closes the distance between us on the couch at the same time.

“She's very good, it's just I didn't think you liked her. Can I ask the second question?”

“Sure”

“What the hell were you doing at the window with a bottle and a boot?” Angie's grin widens again.

“I was trying to open the wine bottle” she shrugs as if this is the most obvious explanation.

“By kicking it?”

“Hahaha more or less. My dad taught me”

“I sense a memorable anecdote is coming, I'm all ears”

Angie tells me about that time when she went on a camping trip with her parents to Lake Payette, her father's idea to celebrate his and his wife's birthdays, that I guess must be very close. On night one Ray pulled out a bottle of wine he had brought for the occasion but realized he forgot the corkscrew. He pounced on the cork with a knife but it seemed he couldn't open the bottle. Janis wanted to postpone the toast to the following evening, after going to the nearby shop and buying the bottle opener. There was no way to convince Ray though. So Angie's dad, as nothing happened, took off his boot in front of them, stuck the fuckin' bottle in it and, without saying a word, walked clumsily on a single boot up to the closest ponderosa pine and started slamming the bottle, protected by his shoe, against the trunk.

“You know, the pressure inside the bottle pushes the cork out, until you can grab it and take it off with your hands. My mom and I were doubled over in laughter” as she tells the story, Angie crosses her legs and moves on the couch and this makes her shirt go up little by little. I notice that and feel kind of an asshole.

“But it worked”

“And that was the first time I tasted wine: I was 11. It was good, although it had been shaken for 15 minutes”

“This means you got no corkscrew here at home?”

“Yeah... I mean, actually we had one, but I can't find it anymore. I guess someone took it at my birthday party or Matt or Chris borrowed it and haven't returned it yet. Sure it didn't seem wise to go there and ask them now, you know...” yes, I know, you didn't ask them because they'd have asked questions you don't wanna answer, at least by now.

“And you decided to use the Pacifico technique”

“And since I don't have any tree here, the only way to do it was beating the bottle against the wall. But I didn't want to risk getting the kitchen dirty so...”

“Hehe so you figured you'd do it out of the window?” I adore this woman.

“Yep. And it was working fine, until a certain someone scared me and made me drop everything. And I made a mess” she gives me a playful nasty look and scoots away from me.

“You're right, it's all my fault.” I scoot over on the couch to sit back close to her “But I know how to make you forgive me” ok, more than close basically glued to her.

“How?” she looks up at me amused, basically batting her eyelids against mine.

“Opening the other bottle” I stand up out of the blue and I leave her there, maybe a little disappointed? I go into the kitchen, take the bottle and open the window.

“With the Pacifico technique?” she asks as she shows up at the kitchen door.

“Nuh, with the Vedder one” I peer outside, remove the wrapper, pull out my lighter and start heating the end of the bottle neck with the flame.

“Isn't this dangerous?” I feel one arm circling my hip and for a minute there the red wine bottle was about to end the same way as Angie's one.

“No, I did it so many times” I answer as I rotate the bottle.

“Hey, it's coming out!” Angie exclaims behind my back while the cork starts moving.

At that point I tilt the bottle slightly as to prevent the cork from exploding like a bullet inside the apartment or into somebody else's window. Finally the corks pops out and falls into the street, where it looks like he doesn't hit anyone. Wine is safe too.

“See! Hot air expands inside the bottle and pushes the cork.” I close the window and triumphantly show the uncorked bottle to Angie, who arches her eyebrow at me “What? I can do science too, you know”

“So you also know you could have caused an explosion and get hurt?” she rolls her eyes and by the way is still hugging me.

“Not if you know how to do it and and to be careful. So, am I forgiven?” I ask, raising the bottle at her as if it was a toast.

“Sure!” she chuckles and looks at me in silence for a while. And I'm expecting a kiss but instead, she lets go of me and exits the kitchen, but not before addressing me again “Let's go taste you boiled wine”

The wine is not boiled at all and it's not bad. Angie and I are at the second round and, as I'm stuffing my face with chips and sandwiches, I realize it's getting hot in here. I mean, I can't be this heated for two glasses of wine. And neither for the half nakedness of Angie. Even though... And this is the moment I figure out my usually chilly girlfriend is dressed only in a t-shirt and I can't hear her teeth chatter for the cold, so there must be something going on here.

“My bunch of questions aren't over anyway...” I say and Angie makes herself comfortable on the couch, half laid and leaning on the armrest.

“Shoot”

“It's fucking hot in here, isn't it?” I ask as I take off my flannel and she starts laughing uncomfortably and, as she tries to sit up, her feet get closer, touch my legs and push against me a little to leverage. But I don't move an inch.

“Hahaha yeah, you're right... as you can see, tonight's really the perfect night: just one disaster after another”

“Why? What happened?” I throw the shirt there were my jacket is.

“I don't know, it must... the heating system must be broken, and that's not unusual. The new thing is... this time, I don't know... they kind of broke the other way round and it's been heating non stop at full power since this afternoon”

“Do you want me to check your radiators?”

“No point trying, it's not just here, the whole building is burning basically”

“Do you want me to go down and check the boiler room?”

“NO!” Angie basically kicks me, then regains her composure “Err no, no worries. And then, I mean, the apartment manager is the one who's supposes to take care of this stuff and call technicians, that's what he's paid for! He'll do the work”

“Ok”

“And what if you can't solve the problem and maybe no one can and they blame you because you put your hand in there...”

“Alright”

“And by the way, at least it's not freezing, for a change”

“Well, yeah, still better than freezing but...”

“I know. Shitty building. Anyway, now you know the... ehm, you know why I'm dressed like... this” Angie goes on and pulls down her t-shirt again to cover her thighs.

“I wouldn't call it a disaster then” I smirk and rub the back of my hand softly against her leg, from her ankle to her knee. She stares at me in the eyes and for a moment I'm sure she's about to throw herself over me and kiss me, but I'm wrong again.

“So? Which movie do we watch first? Mine or yours?” she asks out of the blue.

“You decide” actually I even forgot about the movies, the heat, the wine, about where we are and maybe what year we are as well.

“No, come on, you tell me” my hand is still going up and down.

“It's the same for me, Angie”

“Same for me too”

“You're the host, you choose”

“You're my guest, so it's up to you” of course, as always: it's up to me.

“Uhm... alright! Let's watch yours first then”

“Ok! The tape is there under the tv, would you put it on? I'll get some water” in a fraction of a second Angie sneaks away into the kitchen and I find myself alone. I turn off the stereo then crawl in front of the tv to get the Goodfellas tape and as I do I think about one thing. Well, actually two. One worse than the other. The first thing is that I'd rather have gone to get the water instead of Angie, so I could come back here and see her on hands and knees as she fumbles with the videorecorder, and that it'd have made for a very nice view. My second thought is that the tv looked much better in Angie's room and it'd have been much more enjoyable to watch it with her from her bed.

Disgusting thoughts indeed.

“Did you find it?” Angie's question startles me as if I was caught red handed doing something illicit.

“Yep” I press Play, stand up and try to get back on the couch before her. I do and sit right in the middle of it. So she won't be able to sit far from me. I gloat for my smar idea.

“If you want to be more comfortable, just lay down. I'm gonna sit there. Hehe we have one couch each if we want to” is Angie even aware of her endless power? The power to leave me totally speechless with such statements?

“Actually... I don't want to”

“Are you sure?” well, I don't know... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

“Very sure, I don't want a whole couch for me, I wanna share it with you” I hold my arms out and grab her by her waist, pulling her gently towards me until I finally take her back on this couch. And I hold her and kiss her and touch her, pushing her delicately towards the armrest on her side. And at some point I feel her hand moving right under my body. I think I know what she's about to do and I feel euphoric all of a sudden. But Angie is able to surprise me again, because even if I don't see her doing it, I can clearly feel her gesture of grasping at the hem of her t-shirt and pulling it down for the umpteenth time. I internally laugh at my stupid X-rated delusions, although on the other hand I'm sorry Angie doesn't feel comfortable with me yet. I don't wanna hurry, really, I'd just like to know what the problem is. I give her one last peck on her lips and back away so we can both sit up properly.

“Ok. Let's fastforward all the commercials and advisories. Where's the remote? Oh there it is!” Angie, the one who was about to abandon me all by myself on this couch, the one who was coy and bashful during my approach like two minutes ago, it's the same girl that basically climbs on me to jump over on the opposite side and stretch out to take the remote on the other armrest. And then does the same thing backwards to get back to her place. And I'm not complaining at all.

**

We're almost at the end of my movie and this is the situation: we finished the wine I don't even remember when, as for food only a few snacks and two small chocolate cakes are left; I'm in my t-shirt and boxers because it's really hot, although we opened the window in the living room; Angie's smoking a cigarette, resting on the couch with her legs over mine and I've been genty stroking them for literal HOURS, something that contributes in heating the atmosphere even more. And I also feel kind of guilty, because Harold has just rushed to the hospital with Maude and I already know what's about to happen and the ending breaks my heart every time... and I'm here, basking in the softness and smoothness of Angie's skin under my fingers.

“It's so sad. But also beautiful at the same time” she remarks during the credits.

“Yeah. You really haven't seen it before?”

“Never. And now I see why you like it”

“Hehe right, Cat Stevens has something to do with it” I reply since I think she's referring to the soundtrack.

“Uhm yeah but that's not what I meant. What I wanted to say is that... well, this movie is like you” she takes one long last hit of smoke, then puts out her cigarette in the ashtray she placed on the floor. And she's amazing. Not because she's smoking but... I know it's not nice to say, and it's also unhealthy, a bad bad habit, but... there are times, particular times in which, maybe fuelled by excessive domestic heating and subsequent nudity, I see something extremely sexy in a woman who's smoking.

“Absurd?”

“Absurd, eccentric, thoughtful, bitter and sweet...” Angie slowly counts the adjectives on her fingertips and I can't say she didn't get them right. This means she knows there's something bitter, and dark inside me. Maybe that's why she doesn't trust me completely yet.

“Eccentric uh?” a devilish grin appears on my face.

“Oh well...”

“Said the girl who tried to open a bottle with a shoe outside the window”

“Ok this is gonna be another of those recurring jokes you're gonna use to take the piss out of me for the rest of my life, isn't it?”

“Yes... after all, I can't make fun of you for your nights out with Meg to pick up guys anymore, I have to find a substitute”

“Really? And why?” she adjust herself better on the couch to sit up and for a minute I'm afraid I'll lose touch with her legs, but she still keeps them over mine.

“Because you're not having those anymore” I hold her by the hips as she puts her hands on my shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“You don't need to”

“So can I hang up my infallible pick up techniques now?”

“Sure, now that you picked me up”

“How I made it is still unknown...”

“With your infallible pick up techniques, of course”

“That are? Not doing absolutely anything?” as if she needed to do something to have me fall for her. I lay down on the couch and pull her with me.

“Being yourself and not doing absolutely anything, the best way”

“If you say so...” she mutters and she tries to sit back up but I hold her tight and prevent her from sneaking away. At this point, also not to slip and fall off the couch, she has to more or less straddle me.

“It worked with me, can't you see that?” I grab her as she tries to wriggle free, I hold her tighter and slip my hand under her t-shirt, to caress her back.

“Eddie! Come on, let me sit up...”

“Why?”

“Because I'm hurting you...”

“Shut up!”

“It's true and you know it”

“You can't crush me, I can feel you got all the weight on your knees and arms”

“Because I wanna spare you asphyxiation?”

“Cut.The.Crap.” I decide I'm gonna do this the hard way and my hand sneaks across her back towards her armpit so I can tickle her, but she gives up long before I get there. Mental note: Angie is very ticklish “Oh, that's better!”

“Hahaha stop it!”

“Much better” I repeat when we find ourselves basically nose to nose and then I stop torturing her, close my eyes and breathe in silence with her for five minutes, I think, waiting for something... that never comes. Angie removes her hands from my hair, where she had casually buried them in the heat of the moment. Then she holds on to the pillows, pulls herself up and backs away from me.

“I'll turn off the tv” Angie stretches out her hand to get the remote from the table where I put, then sits back down at my feet. I take a deep breath and sit up too.

“I'd better go” I'm about to stand up but Angie, with a quick move, grabs me by the arm and pulls me back down on the couch.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

“Home, so I'll let you sleep” I pinch her cheek and try to stand up again but Angie doesn't let me.

“But I don't wanna sleep! Well, I mean... you can sleep with me, you know, you can crash at my place”

“Even tonight?”

“Yes, why? Don't you want to?” Angie's torturing the hemline of her t-shirt again and if she tugs at it some more, it'll become a tunic.

“Sure I want to. I thought that it may be a problem”

“A problem about what?”

“I don't know, because of Meg?”

“Meg won't be here, she's sleeping over at her friend's”

“But she'll be back tomorrow morning, right? What if she sees me again? What will she think?” I'm saying it for her, not for me. If she sees me and does the math, I'll be nothing but happy.

“What will she think? Nothing. Anyway, I already told her”

“You told her?” I ask, suddenly interested and full of hope. Did she really tell someone we're a couple?

“Yeah, I told her you'd come over tonight. And that maybe you'd sleep here” hope destroyed in ten seconds. Maybe.

“And what did she say?”

“She said ok” Angie shrugs and takes the last two cakes left from the table, biting on one and handing me the other one.

“Ok? Only ok?” I take a bite too.

“Sure, what were you expecting?”

“Nothing. But... I think Meg knows then”

“Sure she knows, I've just told you! Why all these problems all of a sudden?”

“No, I mean she knows... about us...” a second bite and no more cake.

“NO! I... I didn't tell her anything”

“Angie... it's the 4th time we sleep together in a week, I don't think you need to tell her. If she's not stupid, she'll understand by herself.

“She knows we sleep together but she doesn't know... what... ehm... what we do” Angie eats the rest of her chocholate cake and pours herself half a glass of water to swallow it better.

“She can assume it, I guess” seriously, Meg's assumptions surely go well beyond what actually happens between Angie and I in reality.

“Meg has no trouble to say what she thinks: if she had suspects, she'd have openly told me”

“You should do it”

“What?”

“Openly tell her, about us”

“WHAT? WHY?” why the hell is she so scared?

“'Cause she's a friend to you and you have to start somewhere, don't you?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Listen, we already talked about it, do you wanna keep it secret? Ok, I'm in. But you could take things gradually, with no big collective announcements, just by telling it to one single person. And why not your best friend?”

“I don't know, maybe because she's totally incapable of keeping a secret?” Angie looks at me as if I was stupid and rolls her eyes.

“Well, that's so much better, isn't it. We only need to tell Meg, then she'll get the word out for us” I try and hug her and she slaps my chest in response.

“Fuck you, Eddie”

“Let's go to bed?”

“Mmm... ok”

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

The Many Deaths of Fabian Cortez

Once again, @thecorteztwins inspired me to write something stupid about Fabian, featuring his many deaths and resurrections on Krakoa as he annoys every woman on the island.

Warnings for the usual level of Fabian-style sexual harassment and groping.  A couple of the deaths are gruesome, but nothing described in much detail.  One of the deaths got a little more angsty than funny, sorry about that.  Also sorry for any continuity mishaps, I’m not familiar with a few of the characters in here.  I characterized Chrome and Delgado based on thecorteztwin’s headcanons for the personalities.  Under a read-more, because this sucker wound up long. 

The first time it happened was when Fabian made the monumental mistake of flirting with Selene.  He’d already been trying his luck (meaning “pestering and in some cases straight- up assaulting”) with some of the gentler, less violent mutants. Dr. Cecilia Reyes simply covered her body with a forcefield when he attempted to grope her, then pushed him aside when he persisted.  Wallflower used her pheromones to induce a jolt of fear that sent him scurrying away. Sooraya shifted into a cloud of dust and reformed on the other side of the island after Fabian commented that it was a waste for a beautiful woman like her to cover herself completely (Icarus promptly punched Fabian in the nose to “discourage” him from trying again). Meggan played dumb blonde and asked Fabian to explain, several times, what exactly he meant by “Does the carpet match the drapes?”  She finally flew off when he failed to recognize the obvious brush-off.  

           So Fabian was brimming with unearned confidence – because the women’s non-homicidal attempts to rebuff him had been, in his mind, “playing hard to get” – when he decided to approach the former Black Queen.

           “Well, it’s your funeral, man,” Dominic said, lifting a beer as if to toast him.

           “Because she’ll literally fuck me to death, you mean?  Not to worry!  I’ve got incredible stamina and a very healthy heart.”

           “Don’t listen to him, mate, go for it.  Tell her about how you’re the ‘true pinnacle of homo-superior,’ she’ll be real impressed.”  St. John couldn’t finish the sentence without snickering.

           “It…seems like a bad idea,” said Simon nervously.  He hadn’t really intended to fall in with the bad guys, especially since he’d been trying to prove himself as an X-Man, but the original Pyro had immediately glommed onto him with a pushy, aggressive friendliness. And he supposed they weren’t really doing anything wrong just sitting around drinking and swapping stories.  It was better than awkward run-ins with Iceman, who was trying to pretend that the two of them hadn’t banged.    

           “Shush, Baby Pyro.  Let the man do his thing,” St. John said, tossing back another Jack and Coke.

           “Please don’t call me that,” Simon muttered.

           “Yes, I shall now ‘do my thing,’ as you so eloquently put it.  Try not to eat your own hearts out with jealousy when she falls into my arms,” Fabian said as he swaggered off.

           “She’s gonna eat his heart.  Literally,” Dominic grunted.  “Why are you even encouraging this, Johnny?”

           “Because it’ll be hilarious, and there’s fuck all to do on this island. I’m about ready to start writing again, I’m so bored.”  

           “Ugh, don’t expect me to help edit if you’re gonna start in with more of that Harlequin romance crap –“

           “You are literally the last person I’d ask to help edit, you illiterate wanker – “

           “Hey guys, I think he’s making his move.”  Simon pointed across the way, interrupting the quarrel.  (Simon had already recognized that original Pyro and Avalanche bickered like an old married couple, and drawn his own conclusions about that.)  Fabian was trying to casually lean against a tree while chatting up Selene, but had misjudged the distance, and was now stuck in a weird diagonal slant.  He made a vain attempt to compensate by pushing off the tree in a series of awkward, one-handed push-ups, while flexing his other arm.  Selene stood with her arms crossed like a very sexy, very terrifying statue.

           “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” Dominic snorted.

           “This is bloody brilliant, it is.  I’m absolutely putting this in my next book.”

           “It’s gonna be a comedy, then?”

           Fabian had stopped the push-ups, and was now gesturing at Selene, then back at himself.  He ran a hand down his chest and abdomen in what he probably assumed was an alluring manner.  Selene hadn’t moved, but something in her posture seemed tenser than before.  Simon thought he could see a vein standing out in her forehead.

           “Wish we could actually hear him,” St. John remarked.

           “I like him better when he’s out of earshot,” Dominic responded.

           “You almost gotta admire him, in a way, haven’t ya?  I mean, the sheer bollocks on the man to walk up to the Black Queen and try to put the moves on her.  Most men’s dicks would just shrivel up in fear.”

           “Is it really brave if he’s too stupid to be scared?”  Dominic crushed his empty beer can and pulled out two more, tossing one across to Simon.

           “Yeah,” Simon put in.  “It’s kinda like jumping the fence at the zoo and trying to pet a lion.”  The sense of camaraderie was making him feel more at ease. The alcohol helped, too.

           “See, Other Pryo agrees with me.”

           “Please don’t call me that, either.”

           Across the way, Fabian gestured again at Selene, then cupped his hands and twisted them around in an obviously lewd gesture.  Selene finally broke her stance, grabbing Fabian by the front of his shirt and pulling him forward into a passionate kiss.

           There was a collective gasp from the three mutants watching.

           Then, a dark energy crackled over the two embracing.  Fabian’s eyes widened in fear, and he attempted to pull away, but Selene put her hands on the back of his head and forced his mouth down onto hers. The blackness rippled across Fabian, then drained into Selene, who seemed to stand taller and stronger while Fabian’s muscular body withered in her arms.  Soon there was nothing left but a desiccated corpse, which Selene contemptuously tossed aside, wiping her mouth and looking like she’d just enjoyed a full meal.

           “Alright, Dom and Baby Pryo.  You’re both right.  The tosser is just too dumb to live,” St. John conceded.  

             The second incident showed that Fabian had not learned any kind of lesson at all from his experience with Selene, as he decided to proposition Mystique. The exotic blue skin, contrasting with her fiery red hair and revealing white costume – how could any man resist? And why would she dress in such a way if she didn’t long for male attention?  Her cold, aloof temperament added to the appeal, with an exciting hint of danger.  (Of course, for most would-be suitors, it was significantly more than a “hint” of danger. But Fabian was never one to notice things that didn’t fit into his world view.  As far as he was concerned, she only needed the right man – himself – and she would melt into his arms like a delicate snowflake.)  

           She presented a particularly dangerous picture as Fabian approached, cleaning and oiling the guns that she had spread along the table.  Sitting across from her, Toad was absorbed in his Nintendo Switch, waiting for her to finish so that they could start planning the next mission.  He’d earned some downtime, and was determined to get in a little practice so that Doug Ramsey wouldn’t destroy him at the next Smash Brothers game.  Again.

           “Mystique.  Why is a beautiful woman like yourself doing such base manual labor?”  Fabian slid into the seat next to her.  “Why not leave it to him?”  He gestured across the table at Toad, who briefly looked up from his game to scowl back.

           “No one touches my guns except me.”  Mystique did not look up from her work.  “What do you want, Cortez?”

           “Just to spend a little time with you, so that we could get to know each other better.”

           “If you don’t have anything interesting to say then stop wasting my time.”

           “I have many, many interesting things to say to you.  But perhaps it would be easier if we had some privacy. If the third wheel sitting across from us would possibly take a hint?”

           “Stay, Toad,” Mystique insisted.

           Toad nodded.  He wasn’t really paying attention to the game anymore, as he couldn’t resist sneaking up glances to watch Cortez be inevitably put in his place.  He felt a little bad about it – indulging in that kind of schadenfreude was an unhealthy habit of his from back in the early days of the Brotherhood.  He had so desperately wanted Magneto to love him, and he’d spent so much of his life as the unwanted, outcast butt of every joke.  It gave him a thrill of glee to see someone else get in trouble for once.    

           “If that is your wish, Mystique, I will allow it.  But you may prefer that we move this someplace more private once the conversation becomes more….intimate.”  He reached out to brush a hand against Mystique’s cheek, and she jerked away, looking up at him for the first time.

           “What is this actually about, Cortez?  Do you have information or some kind of plan in mind?  I know you’re a devious little shit and I can respect that, but cut to the chase.”

           “Very direct!  I like it. I love it when a woman takes charge.” At least as long as her “taking charge” happened to coincide directly with Fabian’s own desires and fantasies. “My ‘plan,’ as you so delightfully put it, is simple.  You. Me.  Enjoying each other’s bodies and experiencing pleasure that you couldn’t possibly imagine.  We could find a bedroom, or a secluded spot on the beach –“

           “Are you fucking kidding me?”  Mystique snapped.  “I thought you had something I could use, but you’re just hitting on me?”

           “And why not?”  Fabian stood up, spreading his arms wide to better show off his muscular chest.  “Am I not incredibly attractive?”

           “You’re making a huge mistake,” Toad warned, now openly watching the scene with his chin resting on one hand.  “I’d back off while you still can.”

           “I didn’t ask you,” Fabian said coldly.  “And pull your tongue back into your mouth, you repulsive creature. She’s probably too disgusted by the sight of you to respond to my advances.”

           Toad slurped his tongue back up out of sight, tucking the excess into his cheek, which now burned with embarrassment.  The long tongue had been a later mutation, and he’d never quite gotten used to it. Keeping it all inside made his mouth feel uncomfortably full, and it often lolled out without his noticing. But he was all too aware that others found it disgusting.

           “You’re far more repulsive than Toad could ever be,” Mystique said, standing up to face Fabian with her arms crossed.  Toad felt a small spot of warmth blossom in his chest.  He certainly didn’t feel bad anymore about watching Fabian get what was coming to him.    

“Understand, because I’ll only say this once,” Mystique continued.  “I am not, and will never be attracted to you.  I do not desire you or your company in any way – sexually, romantically, platonically.  Do not speak to me again unless you have something relevant to say.”

Fabian seemed taken aback for a moment, then he grinned.

“So, you’re saying that you’re only going to refuse me once?  I get it, you like a man who persists, who makes you feel that you are worth fighting for.  I won’t make you say it again.”  He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in for a kiss.  His lips never touched hers – instead, Mystique’s hands moved rapidly, and there was a sharp cracking sound as Fabian’s head wound up facing the wrong way on his body.  He dropped to the floor.  The whole thing happened too quickly for him to even register surprise, so his now slack face, with eyes glazed over, still held some hint of hopeful anticipation.

           “Wow, that was…sudden,” Toad muttered, his tongue slipping out again. Mystique just looked at him, one eyebrow raised.  

           Toad shrugged back at her.  “I mean, you did warn him.”

           “If anyone asks, he tried to take one of the guns.”  Mystique was absolutely not in the mood for an Xavier lecture, it was even worse than a Magneto lecture.

           “Agreed.”  Toad nodded.  

              The third time, Fabian made what he believed was an entirely innocent gesture.  He saw a lovely ass, barely covered in tight black booty shorts, and he gave it the playful slap that such an ass invited.  

           Obviously, his first mistake was in assuming that clothing was an invitation for touching, and that he had a right to put his hands on anyone’s body.

          His second, and ultimately more important mistake, was that the ass in question belonged to Illyana Rasputin.

           Illyana whirled around at the touch, and her eyes narrowed.  Whatever pick-up lines Fabian had planned shriveled and died on his tongue as her piercing blue eyes seemed to stare directly into his soul. A chill ran through his entire body, and he shuddered involuntarily.  For once, Fabian was immediately aware that he had gotten in over his head.  This was no woman, it was a demon wrapped in a beautiful body, meant to lure in innocent men like him.

           The she-demon reached out a hand, and said a single word.

           “Limbo.”

           The word seemed to echo in Fabian’s ears as the ground melted away below his feet, and he dropped into a glowing circle.

           Later, Illyana would claim that she had only intended to teleport him across the island, far away from her.  It was a complete mistake that Fabian had somehow wound up stranded in Limbo, and torn apart by demons.  And hey, that wasn’t her fault, right?

             The fourth time, Fabian had retreated back to familiar ground – his own beloved Acolytes.  He’d led the group for so long, and served under Exodus (despite the man being painfully unfit and incompetent), so surely they’d all welcome him with open arms. And there was his own dear sister, resurrected at last.

           Unfortunately, Anne Marie was a bit miffed at him for the events that had led up to her death, which Fabian thought was rather unreasonable.  It was so long ago, Fabian could barely even remember it. Who could really say anymore who betrayed who, or who caused Asteroid M to crash?  The important thing was that it all ultimately came down to Magneto’s poor leadership.  Anne Marie didn’t quite see it that way.  She directed an icy glare at him whenever he ventured into the compound that most of the resurrected Acolytes had chosen to share.

           “Anne Marie, have I mentioned recently how happy I am to see you returned to us?”  

           “Chrome, please tell my brother that I am not speaking with him.”

           “Fabian, Anne Marie says – “  Chrome began in a deadpan.

           “Yes, yes, I heard her,” Fabian hissed.  His sister’s stubborn hostility hurt him more than he expected, although he was used to her being childish and willful, having grown up together.  He hadn’t actually intended for her to die all those years ago; he hadn’t imagined she’d be so stubborn as to stay by Magneto’s side until the end.  

           “Look, Anne Marie, things were complicated back then.  I had a plan –“

           “Chrome, please tell my brother to stop making excuses for his despicable betrayal of Lord Magneto.”

           “Fabian, Anne Marie says –“

           “Chrome, why are you participating in this immature nonsense?”  Fabian snapped.  

           “Because it amuses me, and I like her better than you.”  Chrome was blunt as always.

           “Fine,” Fabian sighed.  “But let me remind everyone that we’ve all been reborn on this island to start fresh, all sins forgiven.  Why don’t we let the past stay in the past?  I mean, I’ve died several times now, I don’t know why you’re all making such a big deal out of it.  And Magneto is alive, anyway.  He’s alive and thriving, so no harm done.”

           “Disagree,” Delgado muttered, from the corner by the window.  He was staring longingly out at the trees and sunshine, but unwilling to leave his team-mates alone with this snake.

           “Why are you even here, Cortez?  Are you recruiting for your stupid harem again, or are you going to try to replace Exodus.  Because you must know neither of those things are ever going to happen,” Frenzy spoke up from the table, where she and Unuscione were splitting a bottle of wine.

           “You say ‘start fresh,’ but you’re the same as ever,” Unuscione added.  “You never change, Cortez.”  

           “Why should I change when I am so magnificent?  Perfection itself!”  Fabian exclaimed, although his enthusiasm withered a little under his sister’s glare.

           “I have rarely met anyone so completely and utterly wrong,” Chrome snorted. Fabian paid him the generous favor of ignoring him.

           “Rest assured, I am not here to reclaim my rightful place of leadership. Although I’m not sure why you all wouldn’t want that.  Someone has to take charge.  Magneto is running the island with Xavier, and Exodus has abandoned you all to go tell stories to children.”  

           “So, it’s the harem, thing, then?” demanded Frenzy.  “It’s always one or the other.”

           “My friends, can’t I just visit you all out of the goodness of my heart?”

           ‘That has never happened,” Chrome pointed out.

           “Ever,” Delgado added, quite unnecessarily, Fabian thought.

           “Loooook,’ he adopted a soothing tone.  “I just think that we should all start thinking about the future.  After all, we’re going to be living out our lives here.  And eventually, we’ll no doubt start forming family units.  It’s only natural.  And one of the rules of Krakoa is to make more mutants, after all.”

           “Wow, there it is,” put in Unuscione.  “I knew you’d get there eventually.”

           “I think we need to sort this out early, so that it doesn’t get…messy later on,” Fabian continued.  “After all, I’m only one man, and there are only so many hours in the day.  We don’t want fights breaking out.”

           “Oh my god, will you just leave?” Frenzy exclaimed.  “We don’t want you around.”

           “Now, now, don’t get excited.  I know you deny your feelings because you don’t think you’re worthy, but I assure you, I find you extremely worthy.  You and Unuscione both.”

           Unuscione jumped up from the table at this point, forcefield spreading across her body, but Frenzy put an arm in front of her.

           “The other mutants already think we’re violent trouble makers,” she said. “Let’s not prove them right.”  

           “Yeah, but….it’s Fabian.”  Unuscione gestured at Cortez as if his very existence explained everything.

           “I know.  Let’s finish this wine and then go burn him in effigy.”  

           “I like the way you think.”

           “So……”  Fabian folded his arms, giving a long-suffering sigh.  “No one is willing to help propogate the mutant race with me, despite my obvious superiority in all respects?  And all because you’re all holding a grudge over a few tiny little mistakes in the past, that weren’t even really mistakes, just part of a long-term plan – “

           Fabian was interrupted by a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He heard Delgado call out his sister’s name, and whirled around.  He didn’t quite complete the turn, as the wine bottle was snatched up off the table and shattered against his temple.  

           Fabian collapsed amid a spray of red wine and broken glass.  His vision rapidly fading, he looked up to see his sister standing over him, holding the end of the broken bottle, her face contorted with rage.

           “You are not forgiven,’ she whispered, and then both sight and sound faded as he slipped away.

           “Hey, we were drinking that,” said Frenzy, although her annoyance faded as she looked up to see Anne Marie starting to shake, tears spilling out of her eyes as she dropped the bottle.  “Um, hey….you okay, hon?”

           “It’s okay, Anne.  He had it coming.  And they’ll just bring him back next ceremony anyway,” Unuscione said.

           “We’ll take it from here,” said Chrome, as he and Delgado came to stand on either side of Anne Marie, gently taking her arms.  She looked at both of them with a dazed expression, and then down again at her brother, the tears continuing to drip down her cheeks.  

           “Come with us, Anne Marie.  Outside. You’ll feel better,” said Delgado. The two former Acolytes led Anne Marie outside, and they sat together for a long time under the trees, quietly watching the birds

.  

                 The fifth time it happened, Fabian had learned a few lessons, and decided to approach some meek, sweet-natured mutants again.  Which is why he was sitting next to Marie-Ange Colbert, the former Hellion known as Tarot, with his arm draped presumptuously around her shoulders.  The way she seemed to quietly shrink away did not bother him.  Obviously she was just shy.  The sense of innocence and vulnerability was very attractive. Someone sweet and kind was exactly what he needed after the pain of his sister’s betrayal.  He couldn’t get Anne Marie’s face out of his mind, so twisted with hatred.  He shoved the image aside, and focused on the beautiful girl in front of him.    

           “I’m sorry, Monsieur Cortez, but our destinies are not in any way entwined. The cards are not favorable,” Tarot said.  She attempted to shrug off his arm, but he pulled her in closer.

“Your superstitions are adorable, my dear girl,” he purred.  She seemed so lovely and pliant.  He’d tried approaching the exotic one with the tail and lavender hair, but she’d hissed at him in a way that was really unbecoming, then run off into the woods.  “But we mustn’t let them stand in the way of true love.  Imagine the possibilities of the two of us together!”

           Tarot turned slightly green as she unintentionally imagined it.  

           “Hey, that’s enough.  She’s not interested, and you need to take your hands off her.  Now.”  James Proudstar stood in front of the pair, scowling down at Fabian.  Although he no longer considered himself a proper “Hellion,” he still felt some responsibility to watch over his resurrected team-mates on Krakoa.  His fierce expression and massive bulk would make anyone with common sense hesitate – but Fabian was not known for his common sense.

           “We are having a private conversation,” he said smugly.  “If the lady is not interested, she can tell me that herself.”

           “I’m not.”  Marie said firmly.

           “My dear, you play hard to get.  Why don’t you say it like you really mean it?”

           “She’s not interested.  Now back off.”  Jetstream joined his team-mate towering over the pair.  Two other Hellions – the muscular Beef and electro-powered Bevatron came up behind them in a show of support.    

           Sitting off to one side, Empath watched the proceedings with a quiet smirk, enjoying simply being able to watch things again. On Krakoa he’d fallen in with his formerly deceased team-mates largely out of familiarity.  Given that people like Selene, Mr. Sinister and Apocalypse had been invited to the island, his own comparatively minor crimes were largely forgotten.  He hadn’t really changed at his core – he was still a cruel, narcissistic bastard who enjoyed the suffering of others.  But his time spent blind had humbled him and taught him an important lesson – to shut up and stay under the radar.  It was nice to see the group united in hating someone that wasn’t him.

           “And what will you do if I don’t, as you so crudely put it, ‘back off’?  There is a proscription against violence on this island, as you all well know.”

           “No, the rule is we’re not allowed to kill humans,” James corrected. “Mutants can always be brought back.” Manuel nodded in agreement.  Amara had burned him to ash a couple of times before declaring a kind of “truce” in which he agreed to never speak to her again and she agreed to stop killing him.

           “Yes, yes, but we are discouraged from starting meaningless fights,” Fabian pressed.  “We don’t want to disrespect the island by wasting precious resources.”  Mutants killing mutants wasn’t technically against the rules, but the killer had to explain their reasons.  A mutant who killed too frequently and easily would be put in a brief “time-out”: imprisoned within the island itself like the mutants who killed humans, but for a much shorter time.  They had to have some deterrent, or else old grudges, plus the villains living among them, plus the cathartic ability to murder without consequences would quickly turn the island into a bloodbath.

           “That doesn’t seem to stop you from getting killed.  Over and over again,” Haroun pointed out.  “Even more than de la Rocha, somehow.”  

           “Yes, we are getting really tired of watching you come back in the resurrection ceremony,” Bevatron agreed.  “It is supposed to be a sacred ritual.  It kind of – how you say? – ruins the magic.”

           “We’re all gonna have to watch it again if he doesn’t take his arm off Tarot right now,” Beef said, cracking his knuckles ominously.    

           “Are you all really threatening me?” Fabian sputtered self-righteously.  “Just because I dare to love?”

           “There is no love!”  Tarot finally snapped, flinging his arm aside and standing up, putting some distance between them.  “I want you to leave me alone.  Right now.”

           “My poor, dear girl.  You are confused by your team-mates’ lack of respect and understanding.”

           “She’s not confused, she’s rejecting you.  Take a hint, jerk.”  Roulette walked up to join the group glowering down at Fabian.  She had waves of blond hair and fuller curves than the slim Tarot, and Fabian felt his desire stir for this one as well.  So many worthy mutant women on the island.  The fact that he didn’t have a harem assembled already was proof that the universe was a cold, indifferent place with no sense of justice.  And certainly not because he was doing anything wrong.  Anne Marie’s face flashed up again, and he shook his head to clear it, gazing again at the blond.  

           “Such harsh words from such a lovely vision of a woman.  Don’t be jealous, there is room in Fabian’s heart for both of you.”

           “That’s it –“  Beef started to step forward, but Roulette put a hand against his chest.

           “No need to start a fight,” she said, summoning a glowing black disc into her hand.  “We’ll just give this ass a healthy dose of bad luck to encourage him to back off.” She tossed the disc at Fabian, who attempted to catch it, only to have it disappear within his hand.  

           “Sorry, was that supposed to harm me in some way?”  Fabian scoffed.  He stood up, arms extended.  “As you can see, I’m fi-“

           He was cut off as he stepped on the end of his cape, and staggered backward, falling over the bench that he and Tarot had been sitting on.  As his feet kicked up, one of his boots flew up into the air, hitting a tree branch that had been weakened by rot.  The branch came crashing down.  Fabian gasped and rolled away at the last second.  Unfortunately, his trajectory took him right across a nest of fire ants, and he had only a moment’s respite before they came boiling out of the ground, stinging enthusiastically.  He leaped to his feet, shrieking and batting at his clothing, running in a blind panic.  His cape snagged on a tree branch, and yanked him back off his feet, his head slamming down on a rock.  Then everything was quiet for a moment, Fabian limp and still on the ground.  

           Jenny burst out laughing, while Tarot had her hands clasped over her mouth in shock.  James walked over and gingerly nudged Fabian with his foot.  

           “Wow, Jenny, you killed him.”  

           “Oh my god, I didn’t mean….”  Jenny gasped between bouts of laughter.  “I mean, that was amazing, but I really didn’t mean to kill him.  But that was amazing, wasn’t it?”

           “Oh dear,” Tarot sighed.  “We will have to explain this.”

           “Ugh, I don’t want another Xavier lecture.  He’s such a self-righteous prick,” Jenny scowled.  Then her eyes fell on Fabian’s discarded boot, and she began laughing again.

           “I’m sorry guys, it’s just…it was like a cartoon.  Totally worth it.”

           “It was an accident,” Haroun asserted.  “We all saw it.  You were just trying to drive him away and protect Marie.  We’ll back you up.”

           “Don’t worry, Roulette, I caught it all on video,” Empath announced, pressing a few buttons on his phone.  “Aaaaaaaand it’s up on Youtube now.”

           “Manuel, no!”  James scolded.

           “Manuel, yes!” Haroun countered.  “Let the whole internet see that bastard’s humiliation!”

           “Hey, look at all the hits already!  This is going viral, Jenny,” Manuel said, turning the phone towards her.

           “Oh wow!  I’m gonna be a Youtube star!  We’ve gotta find a way to monetize this!”  Jenny gushed.

           Meanwhile, deep in the forest, oblivious to the recent events, a lavender cat and a russet wolf slept curled up against each other in a contented pile of fur.  

             The sixth time, Fabian didn’t even manage to stay alive for ten minutes.  He noticed, as he came out of the pod naked and dripping, that many of his fellow Upstarts seemed to be getting brought back at the same time.  

           “What happened to you?” he demanded of Shinobi Shaw, who was facing the crowd with no shame about his nudity.  Probably enjoyed giving them a show (and flashing his own father), as did Fabian himself.  One silver lining of his frequent deaths was that the mutants gathered for the ceremony got to see his glorious physical perfection.

         “Orgy went wrong,” Shinobi said with a smirk.  “Never try to have an orgy in a cave that floods at high tide.”  

           “You couldn’t just leave?  Also, why did no one invite me?”

           “We were way too involved to just get up and leave when the tides started coming in.  Some people were in very elaborate restraints.  Including me.  Also, we were all pretty wasted.  We’re the whole reason Storm is giving a speech right now about being responsible and how our lives are precious resources not to be wasted.  Blah, blah blah.”  Most people would be embarrassed about drowning in a drunken orgy, but Shinobi seemed to hold it as a badge of honor.

           “Why wasn’t I invited?”  Fabian demanded again.  “I mean, look at me!”  

           “It was just kind of a small-scale thing, really,” Shinobi began, as more mutants emerged from the pods.  “Just a few of us.”

           “Wait, are those the Marauders?”  Fabian asked, looking at the newly resurrected mutants.  “Did you invite the Marauders and not me?”

           “Oh, no,” Shinobi assured him glibly.  “I’m sure they all died at the same time for unrelated reasons. Sinister’s always cloning them, anyway, he probably just wanted an upgrade.”

           “Hey, Shinobi!  Great orgy!” Riptide waved from across the way. “You are absolutely the blow job king, my friend, I concede the title.”

           “Okay, maybe a few Marauders got invited.  C’mon, some of them are pretty hot.”

           “Shinobi, loved the orgy,” called Arclight.  “Let’s do it somewhere less lethal next time.”

           “Nah, it’s not a good orgy unless a few people die,” put in Scalphunter. “Makes it more exciting.”

           “Are you kidding me?” Fabian exclaimed.  “All of the Marauders and not me?  Have you not seen this?”  He gestured down at his crotch.  

           “Oh, I’ve seen it.”  Shinobi smirked again, not even having the decency to look sheepish for all his lies. “It’s very impressive, but women don’t seem to like the way you use it.  And you don’t seem willing to let me touch it.”  

           “I don’t swing that way,” Fabian said, although an image of Quicksilver popped up in his head for some bizarre reason.  “And what do you mean women don’t like the way I use it?”

           “Let’s just say I’ve…heard some complaints,” Shinobi said.  

           “Okay, you know what?  Let’s do this whole orgy thing over again,” Fabian declared.  Seeing the nude women around him was already sending blood down to a certain area, and lust was amplified by a frustrated anger.  “We’re already naked, let’s start now.  And then we’ll see who has complaints!”

           “Much as I love the idea of giving the crowd a show, I think you’re jumping the gun a little here, Cortez,” Shinobi said as Fabian marched over to the nearest pod where a woman was emerging.  He pulled her up against his body, and found himself staring into the eyes of Siena Blaze.

           “Heard I missed the orgy.  I’m sure you were incredibly disappointed.  Let me make it up to you, right now.”

           “Let go of me, Cortez,” Blaze ordered, trying to pull out of his grip. He held her closer.

           “Don’t be shy.  We’ll give the crowd a show they’ll never forget.”

           “-look well, mutants.  Once again, your own have been brought back to you.  See them and rejoice, for – oh, by the Goddess!” Storm exclaimed, as her speech was interrupted by a piercing scream and a muffled explosion.  She looked over to see Siena Blaze, her hands smoking, standing over a bloody splatter that had formerly been Fabian Cortez.

           “Um, sorry….”  She shrugged. “He grabbed my ass.”

           “Fine,” Storm groaned.  “Stand with your fellow mutants and let the ceremony continue.”

           “Okay.  Oh, hey, Shinobi!  Great orgy!”            

             “We have to do something about this.  It isn’t just the waste of resources, it’s the message we’re sending. People can’t just kill each other with impunity.”  Magneto had come to consult with Xavier about the “Cortez” problem.  All of his killers had been subject to investigation and some minor punishment, but the pattern seemed to suggest that Cortez himself was the problem.  “Maybe we just shouldn’t bother bringing him back.  The man is a snake. I should know.”

           “Unacceptable,” Xavier responded calmly.  “All mutant life is precious.  We will waste none of it.”

           “The man is a disruption.”

           “He’s followed the rules so far.  There are far worse people living on Krakoa than Fabian Cortez.  We must treat him fairly.  And I must admit, his eagerness to breed is very in line with our goals here, if he could just find a willing partner.”

           “But we can’t let this ridiculous cycle of death and rebirth continue, can we? Maybe a time-out in the earth for awhile.”

           Xavier leaned forward with a cryptic smile.  “I believe I have a solution.  And it will require only a minor psychic tweak at his next resurrection.”

              At the resurrection ceremony, Fabian Cortez emerged from the pod for the seventh time in a month.

           “What is your name,” Storm asked him, quietly praying he would last longer than ten minutes this time.  It was all getting very repetitive.

           “Fabian Cortez.”

           “And how do I know that it’s you, Fabian?”

           “Who else could possibly measure up to my greatness?”  

           “It’s you,” Storm sighed.  She presented him to the crowd, which responded with muted applause, mostly from younger mutants who hadn’t met him yet.  

           As Fabian stood to one side while the other, much less important mutants returned from the dead, boredom began to wear on him.  He’d been through this so many times, and there was only so much enjoyment he could get out of displaying his body to the crowd.  He glanced around, spotting a beautiful young woman next to him with dark skin and flowing black hair.  He believed Storm had introduced her to the crowd as Threnody, but he hadn’t really been paying attention.  He let his eyes wander appreciatively up and down her body, then sauntered over.  No harm in a friendly proposition, especially since they were both already naked. Maybe he’d finally get to participate in an island orgy.

           “Hello, beautiful lady.  Today is your lucky day, because you get to experience the glory that is Fabian Cortez.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him.  Then his mouth dropped open in shock, because the face starring back at him was his own sister, with her lighter skin and short blue hair.

           “Anne Marie, I….how?  Why did you look like….I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to….please forgive me…”  The idea of hitting on his own sister filled Fabian with revulsion, and even the faintest hint of guilt.  He hadn’t forgotten her face after she struck him down.  On some level, he was perhaps apologizing for many things at once.

           “I’m sorry, what are you talking about?  I don’t know any Anne Marie.”  His sister pulled away and stepped back, suddenly transforming back into the dark-skinned woman.  “My name is Melody.  I don’t know you at all.”

           “I’m…sorry.  I was confused for a moment.”  All sorts of odd feelings were twisting around in Fabian’s stomach.

           “Fabian!”  A voice called from the crowd, and Anne Marie emerged, walking up towards the platform where he stood.  “I’m right here.”

           “Does this mean we’re on speaking terms again?”  Fabian asked hopefully.  Anne Marie’s mouth was still set in a hard line, but her eyes had softened a bit since he saw her last.

           “Killing you was rather cathartic.  I worked some things out of my system.  But don’t press your luck, I’m still angry with you.  There’s a reason for what you saw.  Come with me and Xavier will explain everything.”  Storm ignored the entire exchange as Anne Marie pulled Fabian off the stage and walked off with him.  He’d come back so many times, it didn’t really matter if he stayed for the entire ceremony.    

           “Psychic trigger?!” Fabian exclaimed.  

           “Yes,” Xavier continued.  Fabian and Anne Marie were meeting with him in a private room, after Fabian had thankfully been given clothing to wear.  “You have been killed multiple times because you are incapable of showing the women on this island the slightest hint of respect.  You let your reproductive urges lead you around.”

           “Isn’t that a good thing?”  Fabian protested.  “We are meant to make more mutants.  I want to do exactly that.  In fact, I’ll work extremely hard at that task.  Can’t you just assign me a few partners?”

           “That’s not how we are going to do things here,” Xavier said firmly.  “We will not go down the road of forced breeding.”

           “It’s worked out okay for the Inhumans,” Fabian tried.

           “No, it hasn’t.  There’s a streak of instability running through the royal family, people are still born with useless or debilitating powers, and the lack of freedom has the entire society boiling over with repressed emotion.  It’s no wonder Black Bolt’s brother manages to organize a coup every other month.”      

           Fabian shrugged.  He couldn’t really argue with that.  His encounters with the Inhumans had all been thoroughly unpleasant – especially that obnoxious, back-stabbing lunatic Maximus the Mad.  He couldn’t believe he’d ever considered the man a convenient ally. Never again.  And he definitely meant it this time.

           “So, what….I’m going to see Anne Marie in every woman until I find a willing partner?  That seems unfair.”

           “It’s entirely fair,” said Anne Marie.

           “The illusion will only kick in when you approach a woman with lust and disrespect, as you so often do.  When you think of her only as a sex object, and not a separate person with her own needs and desires.  Then, the psychic trigger will make her appear as the only woman you care about more than sex – your sister, Anne Marie.”

           “B-b-but….how long is this meant to last?  What am I to do in the meantime?  A man has needs, you know.”

           “There are ways to take care of your needs without bothering anyone,” Anne Marie said all too knowingly for Fabian’s tastes.    

           “It will last until you manage to show respect for a woman that you desire. Until you can put her needs above your own lust, and love her as a person, not a sex toy.”

           “Ugh, but that could take yeeeeaaars!”  Fabian whined.  “So few of them are truly worthy of me.”

           “It’s our solution to the disruption you’ve caused on this island.  Consider yourself lucky that you are not spending time in the ground, that is much more unpleasant.  But we wanted a merciful solution.  I will admit, there is some value in your presence, Cortez,” Xavier continued.  “Every group that has encountered you seems to have come away with stronger ties of friendship and camaraderie between them.  In a way, it seems, you managed to bring people together.”

           “Yes, because I have excellent leadership skills,” Fabian agreed.  “And people are drawn to my strong charisma.”

           “That’s….not exactly the reason why.  But nonetheless, your presence has produced some positive affect.  With this psychic trigger, hopefully the positive will outweigh the negative.”  

           Xavier dismissed them rather abruptly.  Fabian sulked as he walked beside Anne Marie, heading back towards the Acolytes’ set of rooms.  

           “Honestly.  A psychic trigger.  As if I’m a child.  Or an animal that must be contained.”

           “Well, one part of you certainly is,” Anne Marie muttered.  Fabian scoffed.

           “Look, try to think of it like a fairy tale.  You’re under a curse –“

           “Until I find my one true love!”  Fabian finished.  He rather liked the idea.  He was, of course, a handsome prince under a curse from a wicked sorcerer, who was just jealous of his good looks and flowing head of hair.

           “Until you learn a lesson.  Look, Fabian.”  Anne Marie turned to face him.  Her face was still stern and set with anger, but he could also see pain – carved into every line on her face.  It made him feel….not so good.  

           “I’m not over what you did.  I won’t be for a long time.  It hurt. But our Lord Magneto is alive again, and so are we all.  And Krakoa really is a place for new beginnings.  So maybe you can be better, too.  Please try.  For me.”

           She kissed him softly on the cheek, and walked away.

Notes:

This got slightly more serious than I intended, I just wanted a silly story where people got to kill Fabian in hilarious ways. Oh well.  This also turned into an excuse to write a bunch of neglected characters that I like hanging out and occasionally sleeping together.  Shinobi is definitely going to try to bang both Pyros at once.  He may or may not succeed.      

I don’t know all the Marvel women’s ages, but just assume that everyone Fabian hit on was at least 18.  He’s a sleaze, but he’s not that much of a sleaze. Also, Meggan was probably just visiting her old Excalibur team-mates, she lives elsewhere with Brian.

[looktotheants-a]

what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

hnak has blogs indulge me | accepting

each? well okay

okay this is gonna go under a readmore because i have a fuckton

-takes a deep breath-

hank: probably the weirdest headcanon i posted for him was that his helmet lets him talk to bug identifying otherkin because the comics define bug so broadly that why the fuck not

finesse: very deep into how-to videos on youtube. watches them constantly

cory: compound eyes are really trippy to see through while high

maria: uses a spear in modern day combat for some fucking reason

topher: wears so many sweatervest because he likes the knit textures but hates being given them as gifts because 

doris: might be an angel???

monique: is a connoisseur of energy drinks

success: is actually the least powerful of her family of superhumans, but the only one who ended up a superhero because of some bad luck

mai: deliberately has an obnoxious laugh because she hated her laugh for a long time, then decided to embrace it instead and fuck everyone else if they don’t care for it

slipknot: can tie knots with his teeth or feet if he’s barefoot

kavita: finds starfish inherently funny

mama sharpe: not really a headcanon but one of the weirder plots i had on her for a while was she was trying to make billy turner aka scout into a model because he had one arm and she wanted diversity points

shachath: constantly surrounded by dead bugs that land on her

william: comically unambitious

rose: loves kitschy shit

steven: goes through phases of collecting things but then loses interest and goes for something else so he has a lot of medium-to-large but still incomplete collections of various collectables

cecilia: collects interesting looking wine bottles. also saves ones from important events

zeke: struggles with buying cigarettes or buying comic books every wednesday and always caves into the former

ned: hates the concept of cream pies, but makes them anyway

scott: buys mini m&ms because he swears they taste better than normal ones, but grows them to the size of regular ones so he has more chocolate

bumblebee: has a box of naked barbie dolls tucked away somewhere

june: not a headcanon because this was real canon but she ran over her dad with a tractor

jenny: hates the power rangers because every year for halloween someone suggests she dress up as the yellow power ranger because it’s basically the only costume that can work with her containment suit

beryl: not a headcanon but my weirdest plot wishlist thing for her is i want her to lose an eye because her fc has a strangely large number of movies where she’s got an eyepatch so???

quinn: buys a lot of faer regular clothes at post-halloween sales bc fae includes a lot of ridiculous theatricality in faer wardrobe

maurice: man idk fuck this guy tbh. i guess he’s just really bad at coming up with psych experiments which would be ironic except that his solution is so just throw out ethics altogether so instead of ironic he’s jsut bad

quarrel: puts too many veggies on pizza. basically makes salad on a bread plate

monica rappaccini: hate earnest hemingway bc he was an ass but also quotes him a lot bc he’s just quotable

jason & ian: get about four hours of sleep max every night and run almost entirely on caffeine and cocaine respectively

jericho: will wear as few clothes as any particular situation allows. also her superhero costume is literally leftover costume pieces from theatre

iraceus: his name is actually a portmonteau of his name and his dead twin’s name which is weird if by weird you mean sad

monica chang: has a secret lego collection in her parents’ attic

alice: has a huge collection of trash from neighbors which she shrinks so she can transfer the mass to food and stuff

relinquish: uses diplomatic immunity to fly hot air balloons without a license

aya: prefers to address people with more formal terms because she wants to show that she is polite and nice

kita: wears a lot of sunglasses, like he’s trying to hide something about his eyes even though they look 100% normal but he wants to be more ~mysterious~

jocasta: annoyed by humans a lot of the time and doesn’t want to be seen as human because she’s not, but wants to do human things like have a baby

skyler: surprisingly okay with weed, privately, but wouldn’t say so now after walt

jeremy: uses his powers to make THC

kelly: was ridiculously busy in college because she was doing gymnastics and majoring in marine biology. also i kinda bent the laws of time for her because i decided she had puberty blockers, which wouldn’t have been available at the time but FUCK IT i do what i want

sam: literally everything about them is weird. they’re from night vale. they’re very emotionally attached to their shotgun

daria: not really weird but i think i read way more socialist/communist ideology into daria’s beliefs than the writers necessarily intended

aaron: likes to keep fish and when he’s traveling, he’ll create temporary fish tanks in his hotel rooms

friday: exists in a world where commercial mascots are real and has interacted with at least a few. probably fought the noid from domino’s

lillian: world’s clumsiest vampire

trauma: has a lot of opinions about the difference between goth and emo

elisa: got into psychology as part of a plan to take over a country which isn’t really a headcanon but it’s also just like a weird plan for taking over a country

miguel: pays too much in rent for his apartment tbh because he spends more nights at work than at home

lauren: tries very hard to have a personal life that’s separate from work, but it’s difficult bc she also has to babysit miguel

justin: likes swedish fish bc they’re vegan

xerxes: pretends to not like broadway shows, but does, and also prefers to sneak into them

hiroshi: pretends to be very proud of dropping out of an ivy league school because that seems like a cool counter-cultural thing to do, but actually super regrets it bc he can’t remember why it happened (kita up there was responsible, back at number 36)

yellowjacket: surprisingly nit-picky about cleaning and organization, the opposite of hank

ambrose: i mean this isn’t really weird, to me, but i guess it’s weird to other people, but like one of zir special interests is death positivity

janet: again, not actually that weird, but janet actually likes bugs. like she’s not an entomologist but i hate how often girls are depicted as thinking of bugs as icky, especially superheroines that are named after bugs like wtf

guy: local pyromaniac doesn’t know what to do with his hands

geoluread: laughs in the face of disaster because it probably won’t hurt hues

karnilla: can turn into a motherfuckin’ dragon

tomi: mm idk she’s more of a switch than anything else, but because of her job as a dominatrix and a lot of trust issues, she doesn’t get a lot of opportunity to sub ono

stonewall: literally became a superhero by accident bc she saw a fight at a protest and just threw a pride flag over her face to hide her identity to help the protesters and then stumbled into superheroness from there

winged victory: very socially awkward, despite her very public identity and good speaking skills

guard: speaks like eight languages but will play dumb about that as often as benefits him.

brad: originally had him born in the 60s but i aged him up about 20 years so he could be alive to write kirk/spock slash fic in the early days of fanfiction

kaiba: really way too in love with that fucking dragon

schrodinger: hmmm well i guess like. idk most of my things about schrodinger are tragic or a thinly veiled critique of moderate white liberalism. he likes marmite which i guess is weird

[notfckincool]

DIRTY GIRL

CHAPTER 7 - LUCKY FUCKING DAY

NEGAN X ANA (OC)

Originally a collection of short smutty stories, this has now morphed into a long running storyline. Strong sexual content.

Ana embarks on a casual, and obviously filthy affair with Negan, accidentally falling for the man, knowing he will never love her. Angst and kinkyfuckery.

WARNINGS: It's Negan so expect swearing, violence, sexual content throughout. I'll add specific chapter warnings as it progresses. 

CHAPTER 7 - LUCKY FUCKING DAY

Negan x Ana (OC)

It's been a while since they shagged, they both horny as fuck.

WARNINGS

f/f/m dirty talk, rough sex

Negan is a sweary muthafucka, that's a given

It''s a long one,hahaha. I enjoyed writing from his point of view and I got a bit carried away.

Negan stands, Lucille nestled on his shoulder, proudly surveying his jubilant saviors on their return home. 

The Sanctuary....His castle....The community HE built, from the shit storm of epic proportions, that left the remainder of the human race fighting for survival. Everyone here a cog in the well oiled machine, with a mission to save as many unfortunate souls as possible....And...bring some kind of fucking civilisation back to humanity.

The Saviors...These men and women, these fucking magnificent soldiers, were the key to its success, the last line of defence for HIS citizens. His own personal army, a force to be reckoned with. They were a bunch of quarrelling fuckwits and murdery fucking hoodlums before he took this place. He made them what they are today. He gave them structure, rules, purpose. He made them strong. Look at them now.

As trucks are unloaded the mood is jovial. Today had been another productive damn day. There would be celebrations this evening. Rightly so. Fuck it, he's in a great mood, everyone gets extra vegetables at dinner, they deserved it.

Heading inside the large canteen, they are rewarded with good food and bottles of liquor. He watches over his people, observes their hearty laughter, loud banter, and congratulatory patting of backs. His eyes scan the room.

He leans back against the wall as his eyes rest on Ana. She's sat at a long table with Simon, a few of the other higher ranking warriors, and....that girl she always seems to be hanging with these days. He lowers Lucille to rest casually by his side. She'd done well, he'd known she would, and, she'd finally even got Simon's approval. Simon was right. Fucking her, while on Savior business had been a mistake. While they were working EVERYONE needed to be focused. He didn't want to lose any one over some emotional shit, or by getting eaten on the job, so to speak. They'd had to cool it. Maybe they could get together when they both had free time, but with missions, meetings, and wives, it hadn't happened. A shame. It had been fun. 

Sighing heavily he watches her as she laughs a full belly laugh, her head thrown back. She looks really fucking happy. As rare as rocking horse shit these days. It makes him smile.....briefly. His eyes fixate on Simon's hand patting her thigh, resting a little too long for his liking. He shifts uneasily from the wall, his jaw clenching, hand tightening momentarily around Lucille. The fucking fuck? His brow sets in a deep frown. 

Ok..ok..calm your tits.....

It's probably just his imagination, but he might need to keep a fucking eye on that. Tearing his eyes away he looks down at the floor, inhaling deeply, rubbing his forehead, and trying to relax his jaw as he looks back over in Ana's direction. 

The girls are now sharing a conversation that he can't hear. They move in closer to each other, real fucking close. Huh? 

Cheering erupts. A drinking game has begun and a bottle of tequila is being passed around the table. The merriment continues, tables are banged enthusiastically, and numerous shots are knocked back. He shakes his head at his bunch of roguish fucking idiots. 

There it was again. A touch of the girl's thigh. A firm squeeze. No mistaking. This time stroking higher, leaning right in. His brow arches as Ana kisses her, playfully nibbling at the girls lips. Tangling her fingers in the long tresses she pulls her in for a firmer kiss. Jeering breaks out. 

"Get a fucking room you two"

Something is tossed across the table hitting Ana on the head. Breaking the kiss she tosses it back, laughing and giving them the middle finger. Jesus fucking Christ, sometimes It's like being at fucking high school with these morons. His attention is drawn back to the two women as they stand from the table. 

So how long has this been going on? 

She looks up. Her eyes meeting his. Hmmm.... Did she know he was there? Did she know he'd been watching? Neither looks away, locked in an unwavering stare as he tries to read her. A small smile plays at her lips as she whispers something in the girls ear before grabbing her hand and leading her hastily from the canteen.

Swinging lucille by his side, he takes a moment to process, pulls himself from the wall, bat on shoulder, and heads out into the corridor.

***

Turning the corner, towards Ana's room, the girl is pinned to the wall in a passionate kiss, a sense of urgency as she fumbles with the key in the lock. The door swings open. They tumble in. He saunters towards them, observing a  moment before tapping loudly on the door with Lucille. When Ana spins around he studies her, his eyes narrowing, Lucille swinging gently by his side. 

"Hi"  he grins, taking a step forward into Ana's room. 

"Hi" She moves protectively in front of her 'friend'

"Sorry to interrupt....."  The grin fades as he peers around Ana for a better view of the girl. He's seen her around. Someone new Simon had recruited and trained, name escapes him though. Never really took much notice of her before. He looks her over. Similar to Ana in age, probably. Looks pretty badass, sweet though. Not bad. He definitely would. Flashes her one of his irresistible smiles. She seems to be struggling to maintain eye contact with him. He revels in the long awkward pause.

"...and you are?" 

The girl swallows audibly and opens her mouth, but no words come out. He chuckles maintaining his stare. Ana glances over her shoulder looking quizzically at the suddenly dumb struck girl, shaking her head at her.

"This is Lily."

"Hey there Lily. Nice to finally meet you." He doesn't offer his hand, instead he twirls Lucille in his fingers, his tongue creeping out between his teeth. He can't resist looking her up and down again with a smirk. Immediately she blushes and looks down at the floor to hide her burning cheeks. That's cute. He chuckles.

"Not much of a talker huh?" Her eyes still glued to the floor he turns his attention back to Ana.

"Is she ok?" he mouths silently

"What do you want Negan?"

"You really have to ask? Ana, you know what I want." Placing lucille against the wall he takes another step closer, leaning into her space. Lily shrinks away behind Ana. 

"No Negan, I dont." Her eyes search his "I dont know what you want from me"

"Yes...you fucking do" Lowering his face towards hers, he takes her by the hips. Lily shuffles uncomfortably while Ana holds his gaze.

"Oh, so you think you can just drop in whenever you feel like it, without an invitation" 

"Oh girl, dont give me that shit. You know goddamn well I dont need an invitation. This is my place, I can do whatever the fuck I want" his thumb traces along her jaw

"What about what I want? ....What exactly are we doing here?"

"What do you wanna be doing?" He chuckles "This was your fucking idea. 'Why dont we come up with another arrangement', you said. I fucking remember it. Very fucking clearly...." His thumb brushes over her lips  "...right before before you put my dick in that pretty little mouth of yours" 

"That doesn't mean you can just call by whenever it suits you"

"That is EXACTLY what it means." He withdraws his hand " I gave you a choice. This is what you chose"

"Well, Im not just gonna sit here waiting for you" she smiles pulling Lily to her side.

"Yeah, I can see that" he glances over at Lily

"Look, I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions, and I made my choice. I'm NOT one of your wives remember" leaning into Lily she kisses her softly.

"Thank fuck for that, you'd drive me nuts" His eyes linger over the kiss "So this is what you get up to when I'm not around"

"Mhm. What did you expect? I got needs you know." The woman's lips part for Ana     "...So if you dont mind...." she mumbles through the kiss

"I don't mind at all". He interrupts " I'm enjoying the fucking show, dont stop on my account"

"If you don't mind" she continues "I'm quite busy, so you can shut the door on your way out"

Arching a brow he watches the girls, their tongues exploring each others mouths. His grip on her hips tightens, pushing himself against her so she can feel him hardening.

"Hahaha! Ya missed me right? I can read you like a goddamn book......Ok you got my attention, got me over here......with the TWO of you. I see what you're doing here." taking her by the chin he pulls her face to look in his eyes. "Yeah...." he smirks "....you missed me"

"Maybe....Maybe not" she swipes his hand away

"Maybe...maybe not" he mocks "Why you always got to be so damned difficult all the time? Fuck, you're infuriating. See..... I'm hearing the words coming out of your mouth, but your eyes are saying 'fuck me Negan' " he shrugs off his jacket

"Wow! You really are an arrogant fucker"

"....Fuck me, AND my horny friend" he continues "Am I right? Hahaha. I know what you want, and how you want it. I know what kinkyfuckery runs through your dirty mind"

"You absolutely sure about that" she retorts "Maybe...I actually didn't miss you or your dick. Maybe...you're wrong." She smirks at him as she peels off her shirt

"Now I KNOW you're fucking lying" his tone no longer as playful. "Enough fucking teasing now. I told you before, don't play fucking games with me princess"

"And I told you before, don't call me princess" roughly she pulls lily towards her, pulling her shirt up over her head and tossing it to the floor "I dont need your permission to fuck someone else. You don't own me"  

Taking Lily's face in her hands she kisses her passionately. Releasing her hips he grabs a handful of Ana's hair, tugging her head back, prising the girls apart.

"I said that's enough. Have you forgotten who's in charge around here?" He says into her ear, his voice stern, delivering a hard sharp slap to her ass "Have you forgotten who your dealing with?" Another rough tug makes her wince. "The Sanctuary is mine. The Saviors, ..are mine. You....Are mine."

Lily cautiously takes a couple of steps back, Ana chuckles triumphantly.

"There's my Negan. You know I like that. she bites her lip " I love it when he gets mad, Lily. We like to play rough. This is just our foreplay" she chuckles again. "Still wanna fuck him?"

"Well?" His eyes burn into Lily's "Do ya? You wanna be my dirty girl too? " He smirks darkly  "then it looks like it's your lucky fucking day.....if you think you're up to it" Forcefully he unfastens Ana's jeans  "...Choice is yours sweetheart, nobody's forcing you to do anything you dont want to do." Still holding Ana's hair in a vice like grip he tugs her jeans down to her hips. "Stay,.. or leave, it's up to you...but it's now or fucking never Lily" he palms Ana's ass   "...Gonna need an answer. Are you staying?" 

Lily chews on her bottom lip and nods

"Then be a fuckin doll and shut the door"

Negan's eyes follow her as she closes the door and leans her back against it. 

"Well, Ana, would you look at that. Lily does as shes told, unlike some people I know"  his hand rubs across her stomach down towards her panties as he presses his swelling dick against her, eyes still on Lily. 

"That's because shes a good girl Negan, she'll do whatever you ask"

"Is that fucking so?" His stare unmoving, deliberately disarming her  "wanna play a game of good girl /bad girl?"  he smirks as he teases Ana, thumbing over her panties. "Ana is the bad girl obviously, but you've clearly spent some time together so I guess you know that already" Ana squirms as his thumb toys with her clit. "Speak up. Don't be shy. Can't be shy around my Ana"

"I'm not your Ana"           

"You fucking sure about that?"

He pulls her hair hard, tipping back her head, exposing her neck to him. Grazing her with his teeth, nipping at her skin, he raises his eyes to look at Lily from under heavy lids,. Ana moans softly and reaches behind her rubbing his hardening length through his jeans

"So.....You just gonna stand there?" Lily's eyes follow his hand as it slides into Ana's panties. Ana gasps and unfastens his belt

"Oh. You like to watch huh? We can put on a show for you if that's your thing" He rubs down Ana's folds, she reaches inside his jeans. "Any requests? Any other freaky weird shit you're into. I am down with that. We...are down with that" He grins as he circles Ana's clit and groans as she slowly strokes his cock. "We're pretty fucking comfortable with anything. We love that weird freaky shit" He turns his attention back up to Ana's neck, biting up to her ear lobe.

"So fucking wet" his voice is low in her ear as he pushes two fingers inside her, she responds by squeezing his cock, eliciting a moan from them both.

Lily finally ventures away from the door moving towards them. He smiles onto Ana's skin, removing his slick fingers and slowly pushes them into Ana's mouth.

"Take off those jeans" He commands Lily, his eyes wandering over her as she obediently pulls them down and kicks them aside. Their eyes meet again when she coyly looks up at him and smiles. Ana groans and squirms as he plunges back inside her, pumping slowly, his eyes never leaving Lily's. She stands expectantly, awaiting instruction. Withdrawing his fingers he uses them to beckon Lily over. She inhales sharply as he releases Ana's hair and strips off his shirt, revealing his slim toned body.  "How does she taste" he smirks as he runs them over her lips before inserting them into her eager mouth.

Ana turns to look up at him, eyes heavy with lust, running her nails across his chest and stomach, lowering herself to crouch before him.  Gently he strokes down Lily's neck and shoulder, caresses her breast, teases her nipple with his thumb, smiling as it hardens beneath his touch. Easing down his jeans Ana bites playfully at his thighs. Softly his hand travels down over Lily's stomach, lightly teasing the skin above her panties, maintaining eye contact as he slides inside, feeling her arousal pooling as she sucks enthusiastically on his fingers.

" Damn sweetheart, you are fucking soaked"

Ana trails her tongue over the bulge straining against his boxers, impatiently tugging them down, his erection finally springing free.

 "I lied" she confesses "I did miss this cock."

He looks down at Ana, to watch her tongue swirling around the tip, exploring the head, trailing down the shaft. He groans and throbs as Ana sucks his dick and lily quivers with his fingers inside her.

Withdrawing, Ana stands to move behind Lily, sandwiching her as he kisses up her neck.

"Remember the word?" Ana asks quietly in her ear. 

"Mhm" 

"If you want to stop just say the word" her hands cup Lily's breasts. Lily nods

"I'm good" she pants, her chest heaving. 

"Good. Get on the bed" Ana instructs her, giving her ass a slap, and pushing her playfully.

The girls tumble to the bed. He strokes himself as they kiss, bras unclipped, panties ripped off and cast aside. Playful wrestling as they caress and explore each other,  limbs entwined, until lily finally submits to Ana.

"Well look at my dirty girls" he sneers, laying himself beside them. His face hovers above lily's, watching her expression as Ana crawls over her. Lily leans in towards him mesmerized by his lips just above hers, moves in for a kiss.

"Oh no darlin" his fingers cover her mouth " that, is a no no. Anything else goes, but that is strictly for wives"

His hand slides over her chin and across her throat. Small quiet moans escape her as Ana's lips and tongue tease her nipples, travel over her stomach and down to her aching core, tasting and exploring. Her chest heaves and breathing hitches. 

"I think she might be close Ana" 

Her moans become louder and less inhibited as Ana brings her to the edge. 

"Cum for Ana sweetheart"  he dips down taking a nipple in his mouth, sucking and tugging gently, applying a little pressure to her throat. Lily's senses are overwhelmed and she bucks beneath them both, writhing in waves of pleasure. 

"Good girl." He grins stroking her hair. 

"Now my dick is really in need of some attention" he smirks. Barely giving her time to recover he clutches himself, guiding her head down, offering her his large throbbing cock.

"Suck it darlin"

She gulps and wets her lips, opening her mouth, slowly taking him in, gagging a little.

"Oh honey, you're going to have to open wider than that"  Ana smiles. Holding Lily's hair she guides her slowly up and down his length, before crawling up the bed, positioning herself over his face. Looking down on him.

"Eat me, Negan. Make me cum all over you"

"Bad girl" he grins

Grabbing her firmly by the ass he laps at her, expertly teasing, licking and sucking. Reaching for the wall behind him she steadies herself, rocking her hips over him. She begins to shake, claws at the wall, throws her head back. Lily picks up the pace on his dick. His strong grip around Ana tightens, locking her in place as he sends her soaring over the edge. Loud moans of satisfaction fall from her lips as she clutches at his shoulders, scratches at his skin, riding the wave. Lily withdraws and comes up for air.

" You ready lily? he mumbles from underneath Ana as she gradually subsides and climbs off laying back on her elbows.

Lily cautiously straddles him, slowly and carefully lowering herself. Very slowly. Inch by swollen inch. Negan looks amused. Anna scolds him with a glance. Lily rocks softly as she adjusts. Without warning he impatiently flips them. Looking into her face he slowly eases the rest of the way, and holds still.

"You really want me to fuck you? he teases

Panting erratically she twitches below him trying to get some friction and nods.

"Say it"

"Say what?" she falters

"I wanna hear you say please"

"Please" she says quietly 

"With some fucking conviction girl. ...Please fuck me Negan" 

"Stop toying with her. You're so fuckin cruel sometimes" Ana shakes her head at him

"Dont pretend like you dont love it, Ana" he chuckles "now get your sweet fuckin ass over here..." Ana smiles and crawls back to lily.

."....focus lily, I wanna hear you say it. Please fuck me Negan"

"Please" she swallows hard "please fuck me Negan"

"Thats my good girl" 

He sets a slow steady pace. Ana kisses lily softly. Lily moans into Ana's mouth as her hand moves down gliding between her wet folds. The kiss firmer as she pins her, circling her clit slowly as he pumps rhythmically, gently. Ana's hand wanders. He looks down when he feels her massaging his balls and inhales sharply.

"Ana" he warns. Not breaking the kiss she moves to grasp the base of his cock.

"Ana. Stop, unless you want me to blow my load right now"

She sniggers, putting her attention back to lily's wetness, when she suddenly convulses and arches. He stops abruptly, gritting his teeth and quickly withdraws, grabbing Ana by the hips and dragging her to him as lily writhes beside them.

"You are a bad fucking girl."

She gasps as he plunges into her. He stills, his hand around her throat pulling her up towards him. She backs up onto him, grinding, his hand squeezing her throat. Holding her tight against him, he fiercely slams into her and stills again.

"Bad, dirty girl. Aren't you.?"

"Yes"

"MY bad dirty girl"

"Yes"

Another deep thrust

"Are you gonna behave for me now?"

"Yes, Negan"

"Beg for my cock, beg for me to fuck you"

"Please, Negan. Please"

"I said beg"

"Please, I need it, I need you to fuck me"

Groaning loudly he rams into her again and pounds her relentlessly 

"Yes,don't stop"

Circling her clit with other hand he knows shes already close

"Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't  ..... she shudders and tightens around him

"Oh fuck... jesus ..fucking ...christ" he cries out

Releasing her onto her hands and knees, shaking beneath him, he hastily withdraws and spurts over her ass. Catching their breath he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on her back, until hes completely spent and their breathing returns to normal. Inhaling deeply he opens his eyes to see lily laying and smiling up at him. 

He pulls himself up collecting a shirt from the floor, wipes himself, and cleans Ana's back before tossing the shirt at lily. He collects his clothes and starts to dress. 

"Hey this is my shirt." Lily pouts. Smiling sweetly at Negan "it's ok though"

He briefly glances over at her and continues to dress silently. Ana grabs a shirt and pulls on some jeans. Lily sits up and looks around for the rest of her clothes.

"So..." lily ventures " What happens now?" 

"What do you mean?" He pulls on his boots

" um...us?" She looks from one to the other "what happens now with us?"

Ana and Negan exchange glances 

"Wow you suddenly found your voice. Um...Nothing. There is no us. Look darlin, nothing is fuckin happening here. It was just a casual fuck that's all, a bit of fun. I thought you knew that" he pulls on his jacket

"But ....I thought maybe we could...you know ....have an arrangement."

Ana grabs her cigarettes and rolls her eyes at Negan

"I'm going for a smoke. I'll leave you two love birds to it"

Negan turns to lily with a frown

"Whoah. Let me stop you right there, sweet cheeks. You wanted this. You got it. I'm very happy for you. Today was a great day for you. 'Yay, today was my bestest lucky fucking day. Today was the day I fucked Negan ' you can write it in your journal and tell all your friends"

Lily's eyes suddenly fill

"Dont get your titties in a twist sweetheart, it's just a fuck"

"Such a dick" Ana shakes her head at him as she brushes passed. He groans and rubs his forehead.

"Ok. Ok. For fucks sake. Don't go getting all emotional on me,....I'm just busting your lady nuts. Look... I'm a busy guy, I got this place to run, several wives to entertain, I just dont have the time." He heads for the door. "Dont take it personal.....I'll ..um....see you around." He shakes his head " fucks sake" he mumbles under his breath as he hurriedly leaves.

MASTERLIST

[evajellion]

Part 4, where things get really dumb

Hey, wanna see a team-up and rivalry that makes zero sense as I continue this riff?

Because you’re going to get one.

A/N: You guys want it? You got it. The Samus and Luigi and Dante and Nariko chapter. Enjoy.

That means this was someone’s fan suggestion, which I checked the reviews to confirm.

Richie didn’t plan all of this ahead of time that means, which is… kind of a bad decision, unless you really, really know what you’re doing. Richie of course, does not. He could have benefitted from planning all of the rivalries, and how each scenario would play out so they aren’t ridiculous and one-sided.

Luigi was exploring Haunted Mansions where he hear some footsteps behind him. Taking out his Poltergust 3000, he turns to the footsteps nervously.

Bolding the hilarious typo, I should be on the look out for these more often.

I know it’s a simple mistake and I do it to, but that’s why I ask for friends to help me in case my proofreading doesn’t catch everything.

Then Zero Suit Samus came around the corner. Luigi panicked and ducked under a piano. Samus approached him.

"Luigi! It's me, Samus!" She said banging on the piano top.

Luigi crawled out of the piano. "Oh… it's you, Samus. Why are you here?"

"I came here to find you. There been some recent activity going on. It seem that the Hands are back, being controlled by an unknown being" Samus said.

"What?! W-W-W-Why do you need my help?" Luigi asked.

"Because Mario is with Link at the moment and there been some merge with the other world too, now come along" Samus snarled as she dragged Luigi out.

"But what if the ghosts begin rampaging about?" Luigi cried.

"Then you can stop them later" Samus said. And they set off towards their destination.

Alright, now while the intro is creative, I still gotta ask, why this partnership?

Especially when the rivals they face have nothing in common. Also, Samus is a little too snippy here for my liking. I can understand not having the highest patience, but she should try to understand Luigi’s uncertainty about the situation.

Granted, I dunno much about Metroid to begin with, so eh.

"Oh wow. Some of those fighters-a are pretty scary" Luigi said scared as he and Samus walked by another.

"Courage, Luigi. It won't be far now. We're very close soon" Samus said.

"Soon? Soon it would be already too late" said a voice behind them. They turned to see Dante behind them pointing his twin pistols at Luigi.

"AAARRGGH! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" Luigi pleaded.

OOC Counter: 11

Calm the fuck down Luigi, this is really out there for him. He would probably more likely just hide behind Samus.

Samus ran up to help him but Nariko blocked her path with her sword.

"You two should not be here. Leave now or face the power of my sword" said Nariko.

"OK. I choose… face the power of your sword" Samus said as she took out her whip-gun and clanged against Nariko's sword. Luigi ran away from Dante as Nariko joins Dante's side and Luigi joins Samus.

"Your friend here is a coward little girl" Dante smirked as he take out his rebellion sword "You two should forfeit when you have the chance."

"Don't count us out just yet. Luigi! Stop being afraid. Give them everything we got!" Samus ordered.

Luigi swallowed what most of his courage left and takes out his Poltergust 3000. "Alright, Samus. I'm ready."

Why are Nariko and Dont-- excuse me, Dante, antagonizing them? Dante is a jerk, but Nariko has no reason to. She would question them first on what they are doing there, then tell them that they should walk away from the situation at hand.

OOC Counter: 12

Generic scene where Master Hand begs for help, nothing new other than repetitive wording. Yawn.

Arriving back outside the mansion, Luigi turned to Samus.

"Tell-a me, Samus. Did Mario sent you to try to teach me how to be-a brave?" Luigi asked.

"He did. About time you noticed" Samus said "He wanted you to be more courageous to teach King Boo a lesson. Also, from our journey, you helped us save the universe."

"You're-a welcome" Luigi said as he prepared to head towards the mansion. "Thanks to you, I'm more prepared for any ghost, Boos or anything-a else that the mansions throw at me."

Samus and Luigi glowed blue. "That's more like it. Mission accomplished" Samus said.

This would be a nice scene you know, if there was any build-up to it.

Mainly in the rival scene, and against Polygon Man. Also, bolded the obvious typo.

--

… Ironically, I think their team-up, while nonsensical, is better than Nariko and Dante’s.

Dante was once again fighting demons as usual, till he received an surprising guest.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the 'princess'. What do you want, sweetheart?" Dante said as he held his rebellion high.

"I came not to have a quarrel with you" Nariko said "I still need to find a way to master this sword. But I came to ask for your assistance."

"Oh really? Well I fight alone, thank you very much" Dante said.

"Hear me out. The huge purple head has returned and seem to be merging worlds together, and soon, ours will be next" Nariko said.

"What? That huge purple bozo?" Dante smirked. "Alright... and it seem these other worlds has demons too right? This could be fun."

"I hope you feel like talking with your sword" Nariko said as she and Dante begin their journey together "cause there are opponents whom we have not crossed before."

Someone doesn’t know how Heavenly Sword ends, I bet you…

Why would Nariko ask a douche-y demon hunter to help her master her own sword? If she said “the worlds are being threatened, and I cannot go after King Bohan until I make sure that power hungry deity is gone for good”… that would be way more in her character, for one.

OOC Counter: 13

On that note, there are better options for Nariko to choose from. I don’t think she would have picked the demon hunter who she got into a pretty hostile fight with. The other opponents who were much friendlier, but just as skilled, would have been a much more reasonable choice.

And it’s obviously not because the characters were rivals in PSASBR, so they have to team up. Toro and Sackboy weren’t rivals, and later down the road, we have Heihachi and Zeus, along with Colonel Radec and Evil Cole (that chapter, I’m going to love tearing apart…)

Anyway, the rivalry scene is just copied from both Nariko and Dante’s. There’s nothing interesting, so I won’t paste it.

"If it ain't the sword wielding duo" Polygon Man said "Have you come to get beaten by me again?"

Polygon Man I think would be a bit more “high and mighty” when addressing former enemies. Here, he says “ain’t”… like he isn’t serious about this at all. Yeah, that isn’t something I could ever imagine Polygon Man using in a sentence.

Pretty clear Polygon Man is just a generic villain to Richie, thus why we had nothing interesting written about him, because he can’t do anything creative with our favorite, rejected mascot.

OOC Counter: 14

"It's not the sword, it's me. I have the power to control this sword" Nariko said.

No.

Fucking.

Shit.

This was already gone over in Nariko’s own scenario. If this takes place after her story in Arcade Mode, which is before the ending of Heavenly Sword. Why do you feel the need to repeat all of this, Richie?

This whole chapter proved that outside of a silly partnership, Richie didn’t know what to do with all four of these characters. Luigi and Samus are ridiculous, and have no reason to be fighting the two All-Stars… while Nariko and Dante here are just boring.

A/N: Now I'm gonna do a Villain chapter next with Bowser and Ganondorf and Zeus and Heihachi, and then place whom you wanna see next. Yeah, I beginning swapping partners so Heihachi will be with Zeus and Big Daddy will be with another character. So stayed tuned.

You should have planned this ahead of time then! Goddammit Richie, this isn’t hard! Go back and edit the intro then! Discuss with others what you should do!

Big Daddy never shows up anyway since Richie canned the fan-fic after 9-10 chapters, so there isn’t even a real loss… 

Anyway, how can we improve this? Because I certainly have a bunch of pressing issues here.

And this one isn’t short either. This chapter? I made it go through a whole fucking rewrite, just so it made a lick of sense for my own satisfaction. Something I know I shouldn’t be doing probably, but fuck it!

Revoke having Luigi there, and make it normal Samus instead of the Zero Suit one. Instead, Samus decides to drag out Roy for the adventure, with the cooperation just as bizarre, but at least slightly sensible. Roy doesn’t get why Samus wants his help, when there were several options to choose from, but accompanies her willingly, and courageously.

Revoke Dante being there, and replace him with Isaac Clarke, to present a more interesting scenario. Isaac accidentally lands in her world, and Nariko says he would be able to return to his era possibly if they defeat Polygon Man. Isaac suddenly gets a headache with a vision, and Nariko says that his “strange power” could play a hand in locating Polygon Man. Isaac doesn’t know what he should do, other than help Nariko for now.

In the rival scene for the All-Star side, Isaac Clarke keeps questioning all the stuff that happens. He has constant visions about a pair of white gloves, being controlled by Polygon Man. Before he and Nariko go any further, they’re stopped by Samus and Roy, who heard what they had to say. Questioning the two All-Stars, Isaac is about to tell them what’s going on to avoid a fight, but Nariko tells them that its “their enemy”, so Roy and Samus have no business in it, thus leading to their battle.

In the alternate rival scene for the Smash side, Samus and Roy see the two All-Stars talking to each other. Samus questions if Issac is with the Galactic Federation, which Isaac denies, saying he’s just an engineer, one that’s been through “a lot”. Roy meanwhile, shows concern over the blade that Nariko wields, noting how it appears to be a powerful, legendary weapon. Nariko informs him that she’s a on a path that she cannot take back so easily. Roy learns that she means to exchange her life for using the sword. In order to “save them” from the madness they’ve gone through, Samus and Roy hope to make Nariko and Isaac turn back from the path they’re on.

Change the endings. On the Smash side, Samus and Roy are confused about what had happened, but believe that both worlds are at least at peace now, and they hope that the ones they faced are still alive. For the All-Star side, Isaac Clarke returns to his era, and Nariko is prepared to give up her life soon, something that Isaac tries to convince her not to do. It’s too late though, as she leaves to fight Bohan’s army one last time.

Whew… yeah, this won’t be the uh, last time I have to rewrite the whole damn rivalry that Richie made. Like this one, some of them are a complete mess. Granted, I’ve never played an FE game, so I doubt I’d do Roy any justice if I had to rewrite this.

The next chapter… will be easy for me at least. I’m not gonna have to change much.

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 43 - Exes, camp fires and big mouths (Part Two)

In the previous chapter: Eddie, Jeff and Laura go to the Rock Candy club to meet the others. Once they get there, Eddie mistakes Angie’s dad for the typical adult man hitting on young girls, making a fool of himself. Ray immediately forgives him though, he senses Eddie likes his daughter and has simpathy for him. Ray gets on well with Stone too and the two of them make fun of Angie. Ray reveals his daughter’s real name is Angelina, which is her grandma’s name. Eddie tries to tell Angie about his feelings during the concert, but she thinks he’s just trying to tell her she’s only a good friend for him and she’s afraid Eddie has somehow figured out her recent little fixation on him. Somebody pours a drink over Mike McCready’s head.

***

“Hey! What the fu-” the wimp brazenly stands up, as if he’s ready to kill the person who’s just watered him. Sit back, honey, you’re not scarying anyone. Anyway, he comes off his high horse as soon as he sees his girlfriend standing right in front of him.

“Good evening you piece of shit” I’ve never seen Mel so mad. No, I’ve never seen her mad at anyone in general before I inadvertently told her about Mike’s little forgetfulness. I accidentally unleashed a fury and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“Melanie! What… what are you doing here? You didn’t call back and I thought you weren’t coming…” his girlfriend baptizes him with a drink and insults him and he doesn’t even ask for an explanation, he’s just surprised to see her. This relationship was meant to drown anyway, regardless my intervention.

“I didn’t call because I didn’t want to hear your stupid voice!”

“Uh. Ok. But you’re listening to it right now, so…” I don’t understand if he’s dumb or just playing it.

“Shut up, asshole”

“Hi guys, hi Eddie!” I chime in during a break in their not so pleasant conversation and take the opportunity to say hello, even though my waving hand fails at catching the attention of the people round the table, who are all focused on the quarrelling couple. Eddie gives me a half bad look, then goes back to listening what boyfriend and girlfriend say without answering to me. There’s a guy I’ve never seen before who’s sitting beside him. I guess we gotta put introductions off until later.

“Now what? Won’t you say anything?” Mel looks angrily at him.

“Well you told me to shut up”

“God, I hate you!”

“Wait, is there something wrong?” what?! Nooooo, what makes you think something’s going on?!

“Something wrong… he wants to know if something’s wrong!” the girl turns towards me to share her disbelief “Tell him what’s wrong!”

At this point the gang finally acknowledges my presence too, since everyone turns to look at me, waiting for answers. Their faces are different, but look the same in some particular aspects as I look at each one of them: perplexed, dropped jaw, confused stare, embarrassment. But it’s when I look at Meg that I realize my plan could as well fail: first of all, because she’s so fucking hot and so easily, she’s hot just by wearing a fucking plaid shirt that’s buttoned up to the neck and plain denim shorts, whereas I wandered from shop to shop all the afternoon to find the tightest leather pants ever invented, which I had to adapt my breathing process to, and a black tulle top made of a very small amount of fabric, and that small amount is totally see through, except for two invisible dark spots covering the nipples and not much more; not to mention the torture I had to endure from Melanie before going out, when she was doing my hair while ranting against that moron of her boyfriend and basically pulled out 75% of them. And all this for what? To get disgustingly catcalled by a couple of losers at the bar? Not to mention Eddie and his total incapability at giving any kind of gratification: wether you’re naked or have a parka on, it’s the same for him. Maybe that girl down there is right, in the end: just wear a fucking tracksuit and fuck off! No, well, that’s too much, I can’t. Honestly I don’t understand, how can you go out on a saturday night wearing a tracksuit? I’ve never worn a tracksuit, not even at the gym, I’ve never owned one and I’d never wear anything like that even if I was stuck at home, I can’t think of a more mortifying piece of clothing. Ok, it’s Angie so hiding is surely much better than showing, but this… this means not having a single ounce of love for yourself. And it’s always the same tracksuit, I hope she washes it once in a while…

The second reason why I’m afraid the plan’s gonna fail is Meg’s presence itself: I mean, blondie won’t necessarily throw her arms around the loser guitarist after all the fuzz, she could as well take it bad. I’d better not risk.

“Well, uhm, I don’t want to intrude, it’s about you… it’s private… what about you go and talk it over somewhe-” I put my hand on her shoulder and gently motion for her to leave with that poor excuse for a boyfriend, but she doesn’t give a fuck about me, she just dodges me and goes back talking to him.

“The problem is your an insensitive jerk and that you’ve been making fun of me for months, laughing at me behind my back with your friends” Mel barks out her anger against the whole table, heavy silence follows, then everybody starts to clamor.

“But no, why?” Laura murmurs, almost afraid to talk too loud.

“Who made fun of you?” Jeff echoes.

“Why should we laugh at you?” Angie adds.

“I’ve never laughed at you, I like you” Chris wants to be part of it.

“I’ve never laughed, in general, never laughed in my life, I don’t know how to do it” Stone must tell his fucking jokes in moments like this too.

“I’ve never laughed at you, I’ve never seen you before” the mysterious moustache man can’t shut up, he must be a friend of Stone’s.

The others are just stammering out random things as they shake their heads no looking confused, Meg included. Fortunately. I can’t imagine what’d happen if Meg opened her mouth right now. Oh well, I imagine it now: Mel would wipe her from the face of earth. The more I think about it the better it looks.

“What the fuck are you talking about, love? What did you smoke? And, most of all, did you bring some?” Mike apparently doesn’t know he’s close to the end of his life so he has the guts to joke.

“Now, how long have we been together, Mike? Huh? How long?” Mel takes a long breath and goes on, pretending not to hear neither the word love or McCready’s joke, not because she doesn’t want to offend him, but rather because she wants to get straight to the point and then insult him with a reason.

“Did he forget anniversary or something?” the guy I don’t know asks Eddie in a not so low voice, as the singer shrugs.

“Anniversary? They’ve been dating for a couple of months…” Laura soon explains, with a lower tone, but perfectly audible.

“A couple of months, exactly!” Mike replies pointing at Laura who suggested the answer “Why?”

“Ok, so two months of completely wasted time! But it’s my fault, I’m the idiot who thought you really cared”

“But… I care about you, you know!”

“Sure, you care so much you’re still fucking your ex in the meantime”

Now everybody, apart from the unknown guy, is staring at Meg, who seems to notice a little later.

“What? Why are you looking at me? She must be talking about another ex, I don’t-”

“No, darling, I’m talking right about you!”

“Haha what?! You must be joking, girl, you’re wrong” Meg scornfully retorts, sitting straight on the chair, while Mr X turns to ask Eddie something, he probably doesn’t know the gang’s dynamics and doesn’t know Meg and Mike used to be together.

“She’s right, Mel, look, there’s nothing going on anymore between me and Meg” the unfortunate confirms, still dripping with gin sour.

“Nothing anymore, huh? And before? What was going on before?”

“Before? Before what? I didn’t cheat on you with her, I swear to god” right now it’s not just the guys at the table, people around us in the club are getting hooked to the story too.

“But you were with her before getting with me, right?”

“Well, yeah, but… what does it mean? What is that? Retroactive jealousy?” Meg bites back at her in Mike’s place and she doesn’t know how dangerous it is to play with fire.

“Shut up, slut”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?” Meg stands up and almost knocks over chair and table, it takes Jeff and Chris together to hold her back and have her sit down again.

“Mel, don’t you think you’re overreacting? You’re making a fucking mess for nothing, Meg’s just a friend, there’s nothing going on behind your back”

“So there’s nothing going on? Then, if you’ve got nothing to hide, why didn’t you tell me she used to be your girlfriend?” Mel’s clenching her fists against her hips, basically the same position taken by Meg a second later, when she stands up again shaking the table.

“WHAT?!” the blond girl shouts.

“Ehm… what do you mean? Didn’t I tell you? But you knew that… you knew that, right?”

“How the fuck was I supposed to know if nobody ever told me?! You didn’t tell me and none of these fuckers did” Mel points at the fuckers without taking her eyes away from Mike, the unknown long haired guy looks around snickering.

“I should have taken some popcorn at the bar” he says, Stone looks and nods at him while Angie reproaches both of them in a low voice.

“You’re saying you didn’t know?” Meg walks a few steps towards my friend and her attitude is more accommodating, at least with her, because the look she gives to Mike in the meantime is of pure hate.

Fuck.

“Sure I didn’t know, don’t play dumb”

“But the first time the three of us met at the Crocodile you said it was such a coincidence, or something like that…”

“The coincidence was that my boss and his sister knew the guy I was dating, that’s it! I didn’t know about the rest”

“Now I understand why you were behaving like that! I thought your being all friendly was an act. And the way you were always showing off the fact you were with Mike, I thought you were doing on purpose to get on my nerves!”

“Oh no, I had no fucking clue! I thought you were just one of his friends. And you act all friendly too anyway…” Mel seems to calm down a little, not letting down her guard though.

“I was just trying to grin and bear it! And I didn’t want you to think I was still interested in Mike or something”

“Uhm, I’m right here anyway” Mike feels left out in the conversation and doesn’t know he’d better thank god for this temporary distraction of the two girls.

“Unfortunately” “And who cares?” they answer at the same time.

“Baby, I don’t know what to say… I thought you knew, you work for her brother, I also went to the car salon with Meg a couple of times, when we were still together”

“I don’t remember ever seeing you together, maybe I wasn’t there! But you should have mentioned it anyway, once at least, even by chance”

“Together? Oh no, there must be a mistake, we’ve never been together, Mikey. Melanie, dear, I gotta put in a good word for the asshole here,” Meg starts her show and McCready can do nothing but sit back down and wait for the storm to pass “because he acted in good faith: he didn’t tell you I’m his ex because he doesn’t see me that way, because he never considered me as his girfriend, but only as someone to have fun with”

“Meg…” the poor guy tries to complain, but he’s between a rock and a hard place, and he’d better shut up.

“If you don’t believe me, ask Eddie. Eddie, what did Mike told you that night at the Off Ramp when you asked him about me? When you said ‘oh your girlfriend seems nice’? Come on, tell her!”

“Well actually… err… I don’t remember the exact words…” Eddie stutters as he’s carefully inspecting  his fingernails.

“I’ll tell you then: he told him I wasn’t his girlfriend, what the hell, I was just a random chick he was having fun with. Which is also the reason I told him to fuck off and dumped him”

“Really? What a jerk!” answers Melanie, who now seems to have put aside her rage against the girl, to give it all to Mike.

“Yeah… so don’t be surprised if he didn’t tell you about me, I mean, I’m surely not worth mentioning. He was probably ashamed, weren’t you Mike?”

“You know I wasn’t and you know it’s not like that, but anything I say by now it’s pointless, right?” the loser says the first smart thing of the night.

“Come on, guys, don’t act like that, it was just a misunderstanding. I mean, we never told Melanie either, but it was not on purpose, we thought you knew, everybody knows, right?” Cornell stands up and tries to calm the girls down, and his friends sitting at the table agree.

“Ok, but he’s my boyfriend and Meg is in his group of friends, friends he goes out with all the time. How would Susan take it if someone told her you keep seeing your ex? And most of all, if this someone wasn’t you?”

“I’ll answer that: I’d take it bad, very bad. But I’d hurt him worse, be sure about that” Susan feels she needs to step up into the conversation since she’s been mentioned and she answers with a just apparently reassuring smile, which has her boyfriend sit back up and shut his mouth.

“What an asshole… and all this time I couldn’t decide if you were crazy or just pretentious, considering how you were acting around me” Meg goes on folding her arms.

“I had no idea! Anyway… there was something actually, sometimes I sensed something, a weird attitude towards me, but I thought it was just the typical reaction to my exuberance… I’m sorry I upset you without knowing” Melanie officially formalizes the peace with Meg and I’m afraid these two will end up joining forces.

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s not your fault! I apologize for never mentioning the thing between me and Mike, honestly I didn’t want to pry into your private lives”

“Don’t even think about it, you’re not the one to blame” Meg gives another nasty look to her, what, boyfriend? Ex boyfriend? Ex boyfriend I think. And I’m ok with that. What I’m not ok with is that now he’s a super ex for Meg too, I mean, the girl must have crossed it out for good by now. And if Meg doesn’t get back with Mike she remains single and if she’s single, Eddie could decide to confess his feelings to her, most of all with no sense of guilt towards McCready. I’m in deep shit. And it’s all Mike McAsshole’s fault. Couldn’t he just dump her with a random excuse like everyone does?

“What about we go and drink it over, there’s no better way to make things right after a fight” Meg puts an arm around my friend’s shoulders and they both smile.

“Ok, I’m in. But I’m buying the drinks!”

“Don’t even think about that, it’s on me”

“Well, let’s just take turns buying rounds, period”

“You’re a genius”

“Thank you. And I warn you I don’t mean to go home sober tonight”

“Neither do I, don’t worry, we can share a cab afterwards”

“A cab? Aren’t you coming with me?” Angie timidly asks.

“Right. And don’t forget the bonfire party at Discovery Park” adds Jeff.

“Don’t worry Angie, I’ll see you at home. Anyway… nah, honestly I don’t feel like going to that party, it’s too cold outside. And I need a change… no offence but I’d rather not see any of your faces, at least for a while. Bye” Meg leaves with Melanie and gives me some hope right in the end. She’s just said she wants to change, right? See other people, other than her usual friends. So she doesn’t want to see Eddie either. I’m still in the game!

Silence reigns over the table and the curious people around us in the club go back minding their own business. Now we’re all hanging off Mike’s words, waiting for a comment, a reaction, something, anything.

“What the hell, Mikey?” Jeff is the first one to say something, since the guy won’t say a word.

“What do you want from me? I was sure she knew! I’m a nobody, but everybody knows Meg” McCready jabbers.

“I don’t think this is the right time to play the victim, Mike” says Kim, who didn’t say anything until now.

“No, sure, I’m no victim! I’m the guilty one! It’s all my fault, just mine, right Violet?” Mike is talking to his friends, then suddenly turns to face me.

“Me? I’ve got nothing to do with this” I look around pretending to be surprised.

“Happy now? Great plan!” he insists and if I don’t have him shut up immediately, this fucker will spit it all out.

“Plan? I don’t know what you’re talking about. And no offence, but what you do doesn’t remotely influence my happiness, I don’t care about you”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Anyway if you wanted to make things work, you could as well come up with your plan”

“I guess I lack some parts of the plot” the stranger says as he looks at me and Mike.

“I guess we lack them too” Chris replies. If this jerk lets something out right when Bigmouth Cornell is around, whole Seattle will know by tomorrow morning. Joining forces with a loser won’t certainly do any good to my reputation.

“There’s no plot, I’ve just never liked Mike very much because of how he treated my friend and I’ve never hidden that from him”

“Oh yeah, sure you’re the frank one who always tells what she thinks, without stratagems or tricks…” McCready stands and walks up to the bar and only now takes a bunch of paper napkins to dry himself.

“What do you mean?” I ask yawning when he comes back near me.

“Oh nothing, I don’t need to tell you anything. Somebody will and if it happened tonight, I’d gladly stay here and enjoy the view of your face in that moment… if only I didn’t have this sudden urge to go and take a ride. Somewhere else. Bye guys! See you at the gallery. Maybe”

“Come on, Mikey, don’t be an asshole, where the fuck are you going?!” Jeff tries to call his friend back with his usual gentleman attitude.

“You fucked up badly, ok, but we love you anyway.” Stone says “And we need you in the band”

“And then, fucked up, I mean… it wasn’t that bad, just a little fuck up, not so serious” Chris shakes his head and giggles, until he doesn’t make eye contact with his girlfriend again.

“Jesus, I’m not quitting the band, I’m just disappearing for a while to ponder on this… little fuck up, ok? Bye” Mike turns around and leaves just like that, ignoring his friend’s complaints.

“Come on, let him go, let him chill out a little, everything will be alright in the end” the nameless guy adds and I can’t resist anymore. And, considering the hell that has just happened, I believe it’s my due to enlighten the atmoshpere.

“By the way, hi! Who are you? I’ve never seen you before” I stretch out my hand towards him, who gives me an obscure look.

“I’m Ray, nice to meet you” he takes his cigarette with the other hand and briefly shakes mine.

“He’s Angie’s dad!” Laura adds with a honestly unjustified enthusiasm.

“Oh really? Nice to meet you Mr Pacifico”

“Call me Ray, please”

“Ok, nice to meet you Ray, Angie’s such a sweet girl” I look at her as she smiles awkwardly and it’s true after all, she never bothered me or gave me problems, I mean, she even gave me useful information about Eddie. Anyway, that doesn’t mean I like her in any way. I find her boring and pathetic, the stereotype of the nerd loser who pretends to be cynical to be cool, and then? Here she is, the little girl going out and bringing her dad with her!

“I know, I know, and it’s all because of me of course! And you are…?”

“Oh right! Hehe that was rude of me. I’m Violet, Eddie’s girlfriend”

“WHAT?!” instead of his typical deep voice, Eddie produces a never heard before high pitched note.

“Nice ehm to meet you, Violet” Ray looks at Eddie, then at me, then Eddie again.

“it’s not true, why do you have to say that?” baby blues asks looking exasperated.

“Hahaha come on, don’t get mad at me, I was just kidding!”

“So is she his girlfriend or not?” Ray asks Stone, but I think Angie’s dad is getting old because what was meant to be said in a low voice is once again perfectly understandable.

“No, I’m not…” I answer in the same moment Stone shakes his head no “Yet”

Eddie must not have liked the word I added last minute, he stands up and it looks like he wants to leave too and everybody’s looking at him like they’re sure they’re about to attend another show. Eddie actually walks away, but as he does, without even looking at me, he grabs me by the arm and drags me away with him wherever he’s going to. I follow him without complaining of course.

Eddie stops right in front of the restrooms, then turns around and finally looks at me, his brow is furrowed though.

“I’d have chosen a nicer place to spend some time together, but…” I try and hug him, but I can’t.

“Violet, I thought I was clear the last time”

“The last time… right… When was the last time? We haven’t seen each other for ages” I pout.

“And there must be a reason for that, don’t you think?”

“Ah ah. Anyway, why are you keeping me away? I just wanted to console you, as a friend”

“Yeah sure”

“You’re alway so prejudiced against me…”

“And who knows why? Anyway, console me for what? I’m fine”

“For the thing about Meg. You can try and kid the others, but I know what’s really happening to you, I know you”

“Meg? What’s up with Meg?”

“I know what’s up with her and you do too. It’s a pity though, now that you could stand a chance with her, she doesn’t want to see anyone”

“You don’t know shit”

“Oh! You’re here… ehm, sorry, I just have to… you know... go…” an annoying voice interrupts us and it could only be the nerd’s.

“Hey, nice bag! Where did you get it? I want it too” I stop Angie as she’s walking towards the ladies room door.

“Thank you… well, it’s a present so I don’t really know”

“I wanna buy one for my little niece, I bought her one that was the shape of an ice cream cone, but she basically ate it. That little girl chews on everything with those four small teeth she’s got!”

“I can ask if you want. Now I, ehm, gotta go” Angie points at the restroom and quickly gets in.

“Why do you have to be like that?” Eddie asks and his looks is even nastier than before.

“Be what?”

“A bitch”

“Why? Umph, what did I do now?!” I puff and complain loudly.

“Your sister has a baby boy, you’ve got no nieces”

“Oh come on, it was just a joke”

“A stupid joke. You implied she’s a little girl”

“Jesus Christ, you’re so harsh, I was just kiddin’! Listen, I’m gonna apologize as soon as she gets out, ok?” I can see she’s a friend to him, but I didn’t think she was untouchable. I must be careful and avoid talking shit about her. It wasn’t that bad though, it was just a little innocent joke. I mean, if you go around with a camera-shaped bag you should expect it somehow, right?

“And you’re way off about Meg” Eddie changes the subject and he finally says something I’m interested in.

“Eddie, I’m not stupid, I figured out she’s the girl you’re into”

“Hahahahah you didn’t understand anything!” Eddie basically bursts out laughing at my face and his angry expression suddenly turns into an amused one. Typical hysterical reaction.

“Oh yeah, sure, it’s not her! It’s this infamous stranger I’ve never met!”

“Hehe ok, I told you a little lie: you met her and you know her, but it’s not Meg”

“Excuse me?” I think I didn’t hear right.

“It’s not Meg”

“No?” is he seriously telling me I made all this mess with Mel and Mike for no reason?

“No” he looks sincere.

Fuck.

“Who’s she then?” who’s the slut?

“Why should I tell you? So you can elaborate another plan against her too?” he says and he caught me.

“Plan? What plan? You don’t believe in Mike’s rant, do you?”

“But maybe if I told you, you’d just stop bothering me and accept it” he goes on, scratching on his chin, in a thinker pose.

“Yes, exactly! That’s why I wanna know, until I don’t know the truth, it’s difficult for me to turn the page, can’t you understand?” just say this fucking name.

“I don’t know…”

“Oh my god, is it… Laura?! Your best friend’s girlfriend!”

“Please, friends’ girlfriends are sacred!”

“It’s Grace then! Technically she’s not with Stone yet, so…”

“It’s not Grace. It’s a person who’s here tonight”

I instinctively look at the now far table of Eddie’s friends, the only girl left, apart from Laura, is Susan and it can’t be her, considering what he’s just said about friends’ girlfriends. Who the fuck is it? Unless…

“Wait, you said… a person… not a girl… shit, don’t tell me you’re gay?! Although that’d explain a lot…”

“Sure, since I don’t want you I must be gay… Violet, no, nothing bad about it, but I’m not gay. The person is actually a girl” he replies and at this point I extremely carefully examine the portion of the club that’s visible from the bathrooms.

“Who’s it then? The girl from the gallery? Is she here? I didn’t see her”

“It’s not her, it’s a girl you saw and talked to tonight” he insists and looks at me as if I was stupid but I don’t get it.

“Melanie?” shit, that’d be a hell of a plot twist!

“Holy shit, Violet, no! You really don’t get it? You’ve been here for a few minutes, you surely didn’t talk to hundreds of people since you got here!”

“The barmaid?” I ask after thinking it over for a while.

“NO!”

“Who is this girl then? Can’t you just tell me?!”

“IT’S ANGIE! ANGIE! I. LIKE. ANGIE.! YOU’RE PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON IN SEATTLE WHO DIDN’T NOTICE I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER!” he yells at my face, so loud that he almost messes up my hair, and I’m dumbfounded for a while.

“Angie?”

“Yes! Oh, I feel better now that I told you. Thinking about it, you’re the first person I tell this… it’s such a beautiful feeling” Eddie smiles satisfied and I’m still confused.

“But… Angie who?” I ask, still in the dark.

“What do you mean who? Angie! The one Angie you made fun of five minutes ago!” he retorts pointing at the bathroom and this finally turns the lights up in my brain.

“ANGIE?! THAT ANGIE?!” I growl just one second before that nerd comes out of the bathroom.

“Yes, so what?”

“Here I am… ehm, were you talking about me?” the fat bitch walks up to us and the moment I see them, one next to the other, it’s like someone turned off another button in my head. A very peculiar button, since I start laughing. But not in a normal way, if not at the beginning. At first it’s a quite whispered laugh, but it soon turns into a sequence of incoherent barks, punctuated by equally loud attempts at breathing.

“Is it alright?” she asks, looking at me first, then at her sweetheart, and this just makes me laugh even more coarsely, getting me weird looks from the people coming from and going to the bathroom.

“I’m afraid not” Eddie shrugs and I try to stop and keep it straight for a moment, panting as I try, but then Angie opens her mouth once more.

“Did you take drugs or something?” she asks and I explode again.

I shake my head and leave, walking towards the losers table, where I left my bag, still laughing. They stop whatever they were doing or talking about as soon as they see me (or hear me) and don’t take they’re eyes off me as I take my stuff back.

“Violet? Are you ok?” that innocent angel called Laura is the first one to talk.

I nod without stopping laughing and as I walk away I can hear what Stone and Ray say.

“But… is it always like this when you guys go out?”

“Nah, actually tonight’s kinda toned down, nothing happened really”

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

“So are we going to this fucking bonfire party or not?” the bass player has just nodded and winked at a girl with curly hair I always see at our shows, then he’s like “Betty and her friends are coming over for sure”

“Where do you wanna go with this wreck?” I answer pointing at Jerry, bent face down on the table, his arms shielding his head. He’s been like this for half an hour maybe.

“I’m not going anywhere” mumbles our friend from under his hair.

“Haha let me tell you, man, I’m sorry but you’re so unlucky, you’re such a loser!” Starr, who’s really got a natural talent for cheering people up, pats the guitarist on the back a couple of times and he just moves his hands around to wave him off, without looking up.

“Actually… with all the people at the Rock Candy… you had to run right into Angie’s dad!” Layne remarks and at least he seems to have a little pity for Cantrell.

I have pity too, I see nothing seems to go in the right direction for him lately, but he can’t even keep on indulging in pity party.

“I told you not to go, but you? Nah, you always do what you want without listening” I told him to come here to the Ok Hotel, but he preferred to go spying on Angie who’s going on with her life without him, something he can’t do instead. Or maybe it’s just that he doesn’t want to yet.

“When I stopped doing what I wanted and started listening, that’s when all my problems started” Jerry quickly looks up to snarl at me, then he flops on the table again.

I shake my head and focus on my drink, while Layne tries to cheer him up with better argumentation.

“Come on, it’s not that bad… I mean, you didn’t tell him you were talking about his daughter. And I don’t think Angie’ll ever tell him, why would she?”

“Yeah, sure, you don’t have to worry about it, he will never now!” Mike goes along.

“Do you think so?” the voice from the underworld asks.

“Angie didn’t tell her friends, do you really think she’d tell her dead?” I add to reassure him more.

“You’re right, I’ve got nothing to be afraid of” Jerry straightens up and takes his hair away from her face.

“Unless it’s Angie’s dad who tells her something, then you’d be fucked up for real” Starr has a lot of skills, but being able to understand when he should talk and when he’d better shut the fuck up is not one of them.

“Oh fuck” Jerry’s once again face down on the table and now he’s even punching it.

“Hey hi Mikey!” Layne says hello to someone behind my back and in a few seconds Mike McCready shows up, looking like someone who had better days. He then take a seat at our booth.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asks pointing at what’s left of Cantrell.

“He thinks he made the shittiest figure of the century” Starr replies.

“I think?” whines Jerry.

“Seriously, I doubt her dad will tell her something: why should he tell her about the love problems of a guy who, as far as he knows, he’s just an acquaintance for her?” I try and put some order in this mess giving rational answers to Jerry’s irrational fears and it seems to work, since Jerry’s now sitting straight and looking at me.

“Right, why would he tell her?” he asks himself looking in the distance.

“Did you meet Angie’s dad?” Mike asks and Jerry reluctantly nods.

“Did you talk to Angie’s dad about you and Angie?” McCready asks again and I’m kind of surprised.

“You know that?” I ask and Jerry follows.

“How do you know?”

“Meg told me. When she still used to talk to me”

“Well, to me it looks like you buried the hatchet a long time ago, right?” Layne playfully chimes in.

“It was just dug up though: I fucked up badly” the guitarist says and the mood is dark once again. What’s happening tonight? This is turning into heartbroken club, what the hell!

“Did you tell Meg’s dad how many times you cheated on his daughter?” Starr asks sarcastically, earning a nasty look from Cantrell.

“No, much worse”

Now the Losers Anonymous meeting starts and Mike tells us about what happened at the Rock Candy with Meg and Mel. Meg and Mel, shit, he even chose two girls with a similar name.

“Well, but you took for granted that she knew, you didn’t lie, you just… forgot to tell part of the truth” Starr states, clearing his namesake friend from blame.

“But Mel asked me a lot of times about my exes and I told her, but I always avoided mentioning Meg… not because I wanted to hide it from her, but… I don’t know why, maybe because she’s someone I’m still hanging out with. Anyway I didn’t do it on purpose. And now she must think I did”

“Just tell her, explain it to her. I mean, not now, because she must be furious now, let her calm down a little then try to talk to her” it looks like I can’t undress the part of the psychologist of the group.

“Ok, but her who?” loser number two of the day says and I’m dumbfounded for a second.

“What do you mean?” Cantrell asks because he probably didn’t understand shit and I’m not surprised since he’s half drunk too.

“Who do I talk to? Who should I make things up with? Mel or Meg?”

“Uh! Well, you should know that” Layne flails his arms

“I don’t know though, I mean, sometimes I think I know what I want, but a minute later doubts are back”

“Guys, no offence, but it’s like the wailing wall here. I’m going to the bonfire party and I’d do the same if I were you” Starr stands up and snorts, with his usual tact.

“Meg said she wouldn’t go, but what if she changes her mind? And what if they’re both there? I can’t risk, I’m not going” Mike gives up.

“Is Angie going?” Jerry asks right away.

“I think so” says his bad luck buddy.

“Definitely not fucking going, sorry man”

“Ball and chain, that’s what you are! Well, come on, Sean, Layne, let’s go and leave these two crying over their usless lives alone”

“Uhmm I don’t know, I don’t really feel like going, I’ll just have one more beer then go home” Layne turns Starr down too, then goes to the bar.

“Ok, fuck you all then! What about you Sean, will you stand me up too?” Starr gives me a challenging look.

“Relax, man, I’m coming to that fucking party! But later, now it’s too early” I was honestly thinking about staying here just to make sure Jerry is safe, but since Layne’s not coming he’d take care of these two assholes.

“Anyway, it’s not about the cheating” Jerry comes out with this out of nowhere.

“What?”

“The problem’s not the cheating. I mean, also, but that’s not the worst thing I told him”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Starr asks as he lights up a cigarette.

“Angie’s father, what the hell do you think I’m talking about?!”

“How am I supposed to know? We were talking about the bonfire party then you say this totally random thing!” well, this time Starr’s right.

“And what’s the worst thing?” the other Mike, the sad one, asks.

“Fuck” in a second Jerry’s face to face with the table again and it takes us ages to pull him back up.

“Come on, Jerry, what did you tell him?” Layne is back with a beer for him and one for Mike and is suggesting to just spit it out.

“Please, what could you have said that is so bad!” I exclaim.

“Are you ashamed of your friends? Look, we’re already expecting the worst from you in general, no need to worry about shocking us” Starr manages to make Mike McCready laugh, Jerry’s still far from reaching that goal.

“I told him about… the sex”

“Sex? What sex?” Layne asks taken aback.

“Sex… between Angie and I”

“What? Are you crazy?!” Starr’s reaction is the most surprising one.

“You said you were expecting the worst!”

“Ok, but that’s ridiculous. Let’s forget it was Angie’s dad, 'cause you had no idea… but… fuck, you’re making small talk with a random stranger at a bar and you tell him about fucking your ex girlfriend?! That’s… sick!”

“I was mildly drunk! I was talking about her and thoughts just came… then he came out with the typical maybe you were fucking girls around because you weren’t getting enough from her and that’s when I started ranting…”

“Oh well, so you told him you were fucking with the girl who was your girlfriend, so what? Everybody fucks, I don’t think he was shocked or something” I shrug it off.

“So were you getting enough from her or not?” Starr asks and I never wanted to strangle him so much since I met him, and he gave me a lot of reasons from the very beginning of our friendship, when I wasn’t in the band yet and was dating his sister and he was always in the way, always following us around not to leave us alone.

“Mind your own fucking business!”

“Why? You tell strangers and not your best friends?” he retorts, pretending to be offended.

“Given the reaction, I think he did” McCready probably recovered a little because he found out someone’s doing way worse than him. And misery loves company, right?

“Yes, I did, I got enough, I got so much, we fucked every single day. And she was really good at it too! Are you happy now?”

“I’m not, I didn’t want to know really” Layne looks quite embarrassed.

“I am, for you, at least you got something from this senseless relationship”

“Mike, I swear to god, if you don’t stop I’ll punch your face so hard…” Jerry threatens our bass player.

“Hahaha come on, one can’t even joke now!”

“Joke with someone else”

“I don’t give a shit about how often you fucked Angie, but at least now I understand why you were with her”

“Shut up, Mike” I warn him and he snorts.

“Ok, sorry Jerry, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I apologize”

“Ok, I forgive you, just shut up now”

“Anyway Sean’s right, you didn’t tell him anything shocking, you had a ehm lively sex life with your girlfriend, so what? And again, this doesn’t sound like a subject he’d later discuss with his daughter” Layne intervenes trying to calm Jerry and to prevent any other joke by our not so empathetic bass player.

“Yes, you’re right, no need to worry”

“Yes”

“Nothing happened”

“Exactly”

“I mean, something happened, but the only witnesses of this shitty figure of mine are him and I and he’s not even aware of the fact it was a shitty figure, and we’ll probably never meet again and none of us will ever mention the other’s name during any conversation”

“Oh! You’re finally coming to your senses then. Nothing bad happened, period” Starr encourages him.

“But I managed to make Angie angry, without doing anything” Jerry goes on with a desolate face.

“Why? What did she tell you?” Mike asks, he can’t believe he can actually forget his own problems and focus on his colleague’s ones.

“She didn’t tell me anything, of course! I ran away as soon as she arrived and we didn’t speak, but the face she made when she saw me sitting at the bar with her dad was enough”

“That doesn’t mean anything, she has a disgusted face every time she sees you, she’s already mad at you, you can’t do worse” maybe that was a little tactless, I took something from Mike Starr’s style this time. I’m just being honest though.

“Not too much worse at least” McCready adds.

“Say, worse than what you already did, that’s quite impossible” the bassist puts out the cigarette in the ashtray he borrowed from the nearby table.

“Ok but what if she thinks I did it on purpose? Look for her dad and talk to  him?”

“And why would you do that? To kill yourself?” I ask perplexed.

“That. And why do you care what she thinks anyway? Can’t you understand you gotta forget that girl? We’re tired of repeating you” Starr scolds him as he lights up another cigarette right away, blowing smoke in the guitarist’s face.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’m not stupid! Angie’s done with me and she thinks I’m an asshole, but I don’t want her to think I’m… that much of asshole. Such an asshole that has fun torturing her and making her uncomfortable on purpose with… I don’t know… pants dropped down, pointless fits of jealousy, transmission of embarrassing sexual diseases, conversations about how good she was at sucking dick and ill-timed presents ending up in the dustbin and so on. As if dumping me wasn’t enough and she needed to, I don’t know, leave the state to prevent me from hurting her in any way” Jerry throws his banter addressing none of us in particular, just staring at the bottom of his longtime empty glass, from which he then tries to get a few more non existing drops of beer.

“And of course the examples you mentioned are just generic examples that actually have got nothing to do with your story, right?” McCready inquires, maybe kind of shocked.

“Please, tell us they’ve got nothing to do with your actual story… except for when you pulled down your pants and showed her your dick because I personally witnessed that sad show” Starr insists after Jerry just stared at McCready without answering.

Jerry still doesn’t say anything and his non answer speaks volumes. Silence takes over our table, but it’s temporary.

“You’re a fucking walking catastrophe, Jerry” Layne says after a waitress cleans our table from the empty glasses, giving way to a wave of laughter from Starr. And from me, although I try to hold it back.

“There’s nothing to laugh about, you jerks”

“You’re right, no, you’re right, sorry, sorry!” I wipe out the tears in my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I’m trying to open up to my friends and you just laugh at me, don’t complain if I don’t ever tell you anything” Cantrell grumbles and he’s got the biggest frown I’ve ever seen.

“No but, it’s our fault actually. Because we asked! From now on don’t ever tell us anything, please, don’t open up anymore!” Starr says between fits of laughter.

“You can count on that”

“Come on, you have to admit you’d laugh too if it was about someone else” McCready remarks and he’s not bending with laughter like us, but he can’t hide an amused grin.

“Oh yeah, sure, especially if it was about this two.” he replies pointing at us, then goes on with a wicked smile on his face “Or if you want I could have a laugh about the fact Melanie’s single now. Oh wait, would you give me her number? AH-AH-AH”

“Touché” Mike admits being defeated with a shrug, with no clamor.

“Ok, we’ve had enough, let’s just stop now. Let’s talk about serious stuff” Starr slaps his hand hard on the wooden table trying to bring back order.

“Finally, it was about time” Cantrell nods. He trusts our bassist too much.

“Let’s talk about Angie’s skills” and I knew we shouldn’t trust him at all.

“Shut. That. Fucking. Mouth.”

“Four words you never told Angie, right?” Starr is the worst and we can’t help exploding in a collective laugh once again.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU” Jerry stands up from his chair and, not founding any blunt object, wields the car keys he takes from his pocket.

“As I've always said, girls who’re not that good looking have a leg up on the others”

“I’M GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU LIKE A PIG!”

********************************************************************************************************************************************

“But are people allowed into this park at night?” my daughter asks as she walks beside me, holding the flashlight we’re sharing with Eddie and Stone.

“Sure they are. And the only reason we got in through a hole in a net, instead of a main entrance, is that we wanted to make it a much more exciting experience for Ray” Stone answers as we walk on through what started as a pretty wide country road and slowly turned into a narrow trail worming its way into the woods.

“Oh. So we’re doing something… illegal?! Angie, tomorrow you’re packing your bags and coming back home, far away from these criminals” I say keeping a straight face, seconds before I hear the sound of stumbling feet and if I didn’t see that the torch light is still and steadily illuminating the trail and the surrounding vegetation, I’d bet that it’s my daughter who tripped.

“Fuck”

“Watch out, Jeffrey, if you roll down the trail we’re all fucked up, we’ll go down like bowling pins!” Stone picks on his bandmate, who’s in another group behind our back, and I wonder how long have they known each other, considering that, from what I saw, these two are always picking on each other like wife and husband.

“I didn’t fall, but if I did I’d be careful to aim at you only”

“Now I understand why you said comfortable clothes.” Angie says with a vaguely shaky voice, I don’t know if it’s for the cold or a little fear of the dark “And the trail is icy in a few spots”

The place is actually really fascinating and I thank god for bringing a flash unit that’s suited for snapping pictures in this context, but it doesn’t look like the ideal setting for a night party in January.

“Be careful you too” I tell her, circling her shoulder with my arm.

“I know, I know, I don’t wanna re-enact Indiana Jones’ boulder scene in Raiders of the lost ark”

“Asshole” I feel Eddie combines his remark with some kind of pat or nudge, that’s luckily really light and doesn’t give way to the just mentioned movie scene.

A little further down the trail we meet a series of stairs, a sign that we’re getting closer and closer to the beach. The sound of the waves, the cold breeze, the music and the chatter of those who got to the bonfire before us are the other signals.

“Are we almost there?” my hopeful daughter asks, when a set of stairs ends and the trail widens a little in a small clearing with two wooden benches in the middle.

“Was she so impatient during trips as a child too, Ray?” Christopher asks from the third group with a torch, actually the first since they come first before us.

“Always”

“Anyway if these raspberry bushes weren’t so tall, you’d already see the beach on your left, enjoying a wonderful view” the guy goes on, sitting on the backrest of one of the benches.

“Blackberries” I correct.

“Huh?”

“They’re blackberries, not raspberries” Angie confirms, walking up closer to the bushes with the torch.

“How can you say that? There’s no fruit on them…” Jeff's girlfriend asks when the last group gets to the clearing too.

“Raspberry’s plants are not this tall,” my baby answers pointing at the canes, which must be over 6,5 feet “they’re just as tall as me when in bloom”

“And blackberry’s thorns are harder” I add.

“I didn’t know you were into plants and stuff” Eddie gets closer to my daughter to examine the bush with her. Yeah, for that.

“Really, who would have thought! After all, she just comes from the mountains…” Stone says ironically as he climb and stands on the second bench, trying to look beyond the high barrier of plants.

“Haha I’m an expert because I can tell the difference between blackberries and raspberries?”

“Why did we stop here? Come on, let’s move on or we’ll get there tomorrow morning” Matt, I think, the blond guy who as far as I understood plays in Chris’ band, urges us to stop wasting time and get back on the trail and he’s right.

“Well, in that case we wouldn’t break any law, since the park opens at 4:30 in the morning” Stone remarks as he jumps off the bench.

We’re resuming our walk and, after a few more minutes of thick woods and stairs, the plants along the side of the road starts to get lower and sparser, awarding us with the promised great view, but at the same time depriving us of the natural barrier between us and the wind. I stop to take a couple of quick pictures without stopping the group, but without losing sight of them not to be left behind alone. When I rejoin my daugher and I’m about to hug her again I realize good Eddie’s arm has taken mine’s place. As soon as our arms 'bump’ into each other’s, we both let them flail down and while I look at him amused, he’s staring at the ground and puts his hands in his pockets. Angie doesn’t seem to notice or mind, she’s much more focused on pulling up her hoodie on her head to shield herself from the chilling air coming from the sea. I can’t help feeling vaguely out of place here, ruining Eddie’s awkward attempts with my daughter, which could also work with the help of the starry and exceptionally clear sky, the moon reflecting itself in the sea and the pretext of the cold weather. That is of course if I wasn’t here.

“Luckily Violet didn’t come with us, she’d have broken a leg with her heels” Jeff’s girlfriend points out.

“Or worse, she’d have asked Eddie to take her down in his arms. By the way, can you tell us what you told her?” Stone asks and I guess it’s the twentieth time.

“Nothing, I just told her I’m not interested and to stay away” his friend replies, more or less like he did the other nineteen times.

“And why did she leave laughing like that?” he insists.

“I don’t know, she must have taken it well.” he answers, then immediately drops the subject “Look, that must be it”

Following with my eye the imaginary line that starts from Eddie’s index finger, the guys and I spot some lights in a short distance, an apparently big fire behind the trees and other smaller ones closer to the beach, and it must be the party we’re going to, unless other people around here had the same crazy idea. Now that the destination is near we quicken up our pace, instinctively, without anybody telling the others to do that.

“What’s that down there? A lighthouse?” Angie asks and pulls her scarf up a little over her mouth.

“Yeah, it’s the Westpoint lighthouse. And the other white things are the base buildings” Jeff promptly explains, as he almost runs, holding his girlfriend tight.

“Base? What base?” she asks curious.

“The military base”

“MILITARY BASE?!” she yells slowing down and killing what little was left of my hearing in my right ear.

“Yes, why?”

“We’re going to have an illegal party behind the military’s back?!” she exclaims shocked.

“Hahahaha but it’s disused now, it closed like twenty years ago” jeff reassures her, and me.

“Uh ok, for a minute I thought I had stupid friends”

“Now there’s the Coast Guard and the Navy there” Stone adds.

“I correct myself: YOU ARE STUPID”

“So, what do you think about it?” Stone talks to the rest of his torch group as soon as we get to the windy beach, probably because we’re the only three people not knowing the place.

“This place is amazing” Eddie says, his eyes fixed on the dark waves.

“Sure, although it must be much more amazing in summer, in the daylight” Angie complains, her face buried into her scarf.

“Oh we’re always here in the summer. Here or at Gas Works Park or Kerry Park. Or in Alki” Jeff points out, as soon as he sits down on one of the many logs on the beach, next to a small firepit.

“And why the hell didn’t you take me here in summer instead of today?”

“Because we didn’t know you then, we didn’t know if we could trust you or not. This is one of our secret spots” Stone says, putting his hands next to the fire to warm them up.

“You’ve known my dad for a few hours and you brought him here” my daughters looks at the fire as if she wanted to dive in it to warm up, then just sits next to Jeff, with Eddie tagging along and doing the same.

“That’s different, your dad’s cool” the little jerk calmly retorts before walking away towards the trees.

There must be about twenty people on the beach apart from us, maybe more than that at the bigger bonfire, but I can’t see anything from here, I can just guess it from the sound of voices and music. Somebody puts a beer bottle in my hand, I take a sip from that, then walk away to take some more pictures. The stingy wind has the ability of clearing up the sky, something which musn’t be that common here in rainy Seattle, and the white buildings Jeff was mentioning before look like they shine with a light of their own in the dark of the night, just like the sand itself on the beach, here and there dappled with stones, dirt, pebbles and tree logs. The small fires and the smoke coming from them make it all even more suggestive. When I get back to our previous spot I see that very few people stayed on the beach, the only ones left of our group are Jeff and Laura, intent on kissing, and for that I should just stay away and leave them alone. But the image is so involuntarily photogenic. And my beer's still there by the way. The flash light breaks the kiss and the lovers’ break gives me the chance to take my beer without looking like a creep. I walk towards the place with the main bonfire, a small clearing among the trees, strategically shielded from the wind by a big rocky formation that seems a scale model of the pointy headland I’ve just photographed. There’s a boombox playing Sonic Youth on one side, whereas other guys down there are playing something on guitars. The people are all sitting around the fire with blankets on their legs, drinking and eating from bags of snacks and chips. Among these people I spot my daughter and the guy who’s predictably sharing his blanket with her.

“I see you’re pretty comfortable here” the very moment I surprise the group behind their back, I see my daughter furtively stretching her hand towards Eddie, who does the same with Matt, who repeats the same gesture with the other guy, Kim, as if they’re handing each other something to pass on and make disappear. And I wasn’t born yesterday”

“Hey, did you take good pictures?” my daughter trying to dissimulate is one of the funniest shows to attend in life.

“Yeah. Now can I take a hit?”

“Oh sure” she answers and steals from Eddie the common tobacco cigarette he’s holding, handing it out to me.

“Not that, the other one”

“Which one?”

“The joint”

“Joint, what joint?” my daughter asks surprised.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ray” Eddie repeats and he sucks even more than my daughter at lying.

“Joints? We don’t smoke joints” Cornell probably has more control over his voice tone, but with that face, now looking even more devilish thanks to the light of the fire reflecting on it, he’s not credible at all.

“Ok, so, whatever it is, can I have a hit or not?”

The joint slowly follows the same path as before, only backwards, only missing the last step and passing directly from Eddie’s fingers to mine. I take a small hit, 'cause I have no idea what these guys smoke, as I sit down next to my daughter and steal some of the blanket from the couple, just to upset Eddie a little. Not because I don’t like him, actually I do like him, he seems ok, but just to have some fun. The weed seems kind of strong, I just take another couple of hits, then hand it out to Angie.

“What shoud I do with that?”

“I don’t know? Write a letter to Santa? What do you think?”

“I don’t smoke”

“Yeah, sure. Come on, take it”

“That’s true”

“I have big news for you: wrapping roaches in aluminum foil doesn’t destroy them instantly, nor does it cancel them from the face of the earth. You’ve been smoking weed for a couple of years now”

“But dad!”

“Angie, I’m, well, surprised. You’re such a disappointment to us all” Stone perfectly plays the part of the dad I’m not.

“Ok, fine. But just from time to time” she admits embarrassed.

“I know, don’t worry” I reassure her, taking another small hit, then bringing it close to her lips once again.

“But I can’t do it… like this”

“Like what?” I ask confused.

“Like this… with you”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re my dad!”

“Then what? Right because I’m your dad, I would never miss the chance to smoke with my grown up daughter. Come on”

I know Angie’s so ashamed right now because she’s always so secretive and reserved about anything both with me and her mom and because everybody’s looking at us, but I also know that it’s a unique occasion. For our relationship of course, as a bonding moment, not for the weed itself, I mean, we could also share a chicken leg for what I care. Angelina, without talking, finally accepts my offer and lets herself take a couple of hits, before handing the joint back to Eddie.

“Here, are you happy now? Did your hippie dad’s dream come true?” she sarcastically asks.

“Hippie parents, I know something about that. I feel your pain and I’m not being ironical for once” Stone pats her on her back, while Eddie gives him the joint “I’m done with a hit and that’s it, since it’ll be up to me to take you all home”

Eddie and I came here with Angie on her car, Chris came with his girlfriend and Matt, the others half with Stone and half with Jeff. Jeff had said he’d be leaving early because he’s working in the morning, he also offered me a ride back to the hotel, since I’ll get up early too to leave.

“Are you the sober designated driver?” I ask him and I’m happy to know there’s one, although I know I can trust my baby.

“Yeah, but I designated myself, also because in a place like this I’d never put my life in the hands of this bunch of drunkards and stoners” he explains jokingly pulling Angie’s hood over her face.

“No, I’m ok like this too” she says as she declines the joint Stone hands to her.

“Don’t worry, I’m here too just in case” valiant knight Eddie volunteers for taking the damsel back home safe, who would have thought!”

“I’m here too, I gave up those things ages ago” says Chris’ girlfriend, who I later found out is also the manager of his band and other bands. Also the band of the guy I met at the club before… what was his name? Oh yeah, Jerry. Susan is a grown up woman and all of Angie’s friends aren’t kids anymore and I must admit I feel better knowing she’s hanging out with older people, not because adults are wiser or shit like that, but because they usually have already done the stupidest shit and don’t mean to repeat it.

“I’m glad to hear that, you might be drunk stoners, but you have a good head on your shoulders”

“So will you entrust your daughter to us? 'Cause that’s what it’s all about, right? That’s why you’re here for, I mean, all this progressist dad scene was just a test to see if you can trust her here in Seattle, am I wrong?” the joke is really Stone-style, but it comes from Jeff as soon as he joins us. Apparently those two know each other so much they can exchange parts.

“Fuck, you caught me. Yeah, I think I can put her in your hands”

“I won’t put myself in anybody’s hands!” she laughs it off, while Matt finishes the joint and throws the roach in the fire.

We keep quiet for a while, just staring at the fire, happy and lost each in our own thoughts.

“Anyway, if you really don’t feel like, don’t drive. You can sleep here after all, it’s such a nice place” I say after a while, with Kim Gordon’s husky voice in the background, without looking away from the flames and in this moment Angie takes my hand and holds it, very tight, under the blanket, unnoticed, without saying anything because there’s no need to talk, because she knows exactly what I’m thinking about right now…

“Sure, the ideal place to sleep at, pneumonia breakfast is served for free in the morning” the Stone-style joke belongs to him this time.

The party goes on, I take loads of pictures, I meet other people and I’m not surprised to find out they’re almost all musicians. Apparently music is everywhere in this city, in the air, in the water, in the soil, maybe even in the sewage plant nearby. I hang out with these guys for some time, there’s a jam session starting, even including me at some point, on a guitar one of them generously lends me, and we play Neil Young. I say bye when I feel I’m approaching that fine line between the little funny moment with an older guy and the intrusive old fart who acts like a kid at all costs. I walk back to the main bonfire and I see most of Angie’s friends are not there anymore: my daughter’s sitting at the same place together with Jeff’s girlfriend, whereas the others apparently engaged in a sort of climbing competition on a big tree not far away, which is almost resting against the rock. I take a picture of the girls that strangely enough won’t be blurry because Angie’s so into the conversation with her friend that doesn’t notice me, luckily. At some point, Laura takes something out of her bag, I immediately realize it’s a pocket mirror, and she tries to move it around so that she can see herself better at the light of the fire. In that moment, Jeff, who’s maybe the temporary winner of the climbing competition, runs towards the girls and takes his girlfriend in his arms, walking towards the beach and pretending to go throwing her in the water. Laura wriggles and squirms and Angie enjoys the whole scene smiling. She soon notices something on the ground and takes it: it’s Laura’s mirror. I feel like some kind of spy, as if I was stealing an innocuous but still private moment of my daughter, who doesn’t know I’m looking at her. I feel bad, especially when I can say the exact moment she sees her reflection in the small mirror. I can say it because the smile, which is still coloring her face after her friends’ love game, abruptly disappears and turns into… sadness. I can’t think of a more suited word. What I see is the saddest girl ever seen looking at herself in a mirror, but the worst thing for me is knowing I can’t do anything to change that expression. I’ve never wanted to command my daughter, I’m not a controlling father, I think I’ve never given her an order in my whole life, nor forbidden something to her, except for that time… Anyway, if there were situations in which I wish I could have control over her, this would be one of them.

“You’re beautiful” I tell her as I sit right next to her, after I wait for her to close the mirror and put it in her pocket.

“You smoked another joint with your new friends, right?” she now smiles and nods at the guy I played with before, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You’re much more beautiful than her” my hand tightens on her shoulder, at least I try through her heavy coat.

“Are you kidding me, Laura is a hottie! Don’t say that to Jeff or he’d never drive you to your hotel: he’d let you die in the woods as a revenge”

“You’re more beautiful than your mother” I insist, taking her chin between my fingers and lightly forcing her to look at me in the eye, at the same time making sure nobody’s seeing or listening to us round here.

“Then it’ll be mom abandoning you in the woods with nothing, not even a loaf of bread to crubmle to find the way back home”

“I’m not talking about Janis… I mean your mom… the actual one”

“Janis is my actual mother” she retorts looking at me in the eye, being serious for the first time since I came here, for the first time in months actually.

“You know what I mean”

“Biological mother, I think that’s the correct word” she says, right back in the role of Angie the Detached.

“You’re much, much more beautiful than the one who gave birth to you” I repeat.

“Hehe sorry if I hardly believe you, considering that being beautiful was her job”

“Looking good is not enough to be a beautiful person. You’re a beautiful person, inside and outside, and I hope that all these nice people loving and caring for you will make you understand it better than me and your mother did, the one who didn’t give birth to you”

“That is, the true one” she adds with a smile, directed towards the fire.

“Yep” I do the same and let the flames hypnotyze me as I rest my head on her shoulder.

“What a great dad-daughter moment, do you think it was because of the weed?” Angie can’t be Angie without destroying emotional moments.

“Sure!” I exclaim sitting back straight and letting her scarf fall in the movement.

She takes it off to put it back correctly and as she does that I see something shining on her neck.

“What’s this? Is it new?” I ask her taking the pendant in my hand.

“Yes, it’s new, more or less, it’s a present” she replies, tensing up all of a sudden, then covering herself quickly with the scarf.

I smell a rat.

“A present from whom?”

“From Meg, it’s a necklace Meg gave me for my birthday” she reveals and as she does I see Eddie, who was walking towards us, stopping in his tracks a few steps away from us and giving a strange look at my daughter.

Something tells me the present was from him. Come on, Eddie, don’t take it bad, you should know her by now: sharing a joint for her is easier than sharing thoughts about a guy, especially if she likes him as she likes you.

“Hey Eddie, who won?” I ask him.

“I did… I guess”

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

“Tell me again why Grace didn’t come” since Jeff left with Ray, and Laura, Cornell decided to take his place as my personal torturer.

“Because she had a date… with a guy!” Angie exclaims in a clearly altered state. The same girl who was ashamed to hold a joint in front of her dad, has drained the booze stash after he left.

“You mean a guy who’s not Stone?”

“Exactly!” Angie tries to stand up, but she visibly staggers and she’d fall head first into the fire if Eddie wasn’t there, ready to grab her and hold her tight. Ah what a sacrifice, but someone’s gotta do it, right Eddie?

“If you believe I give a fuck, well, keep up with your little show, huh. But I warn you, you’re wasting your time and breath” I press the side button of my watch to lighten up the display: it’s 3:30. No date ever lasts so long. Anyway, she could as well come over later. She could as well bring this guy over, I’ve got no problems with that, maybe she has. If she found someone who’s crazy enough to overlook the whole dadaist chair thing and keep his mouth shut only to get laid, well, good for her. I can’t shut up, I can’t ignore her weirdness, it might be nothing big, but it’s a lot of little weird things and they’re really a lot and they’re absurd. I bet the guy she went out with tonight doesn’t even notice them instead, doesn’t even see them, doesn’t want to see them, to him she’s just an average girl, an ok girl you can have the combo dinner+movie+fuck with, not a crazy girl with two fishtanks with no fish instead of windows. He doesn’t even see the fishtanks… or the sticky note on the chair… or the semicolon tattoo… not even the stuffed animals. He doesn’t understand who’s standing in front of him, he doesn’t understand a fucking shit. But it’s not my business anyway.

“Mark? Is this the time to show up at a party?” the chance to drop the subject presents itself in the shape of my ex bandmate, whom I see slowly approaching from the trail.

“Gossard! You should know this is the ideal time, showing up at a party before 3 a.m. is so bourgeois” I’ve never been happier so see Arm since Green River split up.

“Nice beanie… or is it an orange flavored condom? I’m afraid you didn’t press out all the air at the tip though” I remark pointing at his flossy beanie, which has some kind of unexplainable bump on top.

“I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it as much as it deserves, after all Jeff is the expert about hats. Or the expert about anything that’s not himself.” he snaps back with his diagonal smile and I love him, I really do, I mean, we’d been sharing the stage for years and we’re friends, still there’s some kind of rivalry and picking on each other and I think it’s good to a certain extent “But Idaho is here too. Hi Idaho!”

“Hi guy who calls people by the name of the place they come from! You’re lucky I wasn’t born in that Welsh city with the longest name of the world… what was it… Llanfairsomething” Angie replies and is unusually talkative, something which doesn’t surprise those of us who already saw her drunk, but surprises Eddie a lot. He looks at her clearly fascinated and terrified at the same time.

“Actually Idaho as a nickname is all Kurt, I just humbly use it” Arm brings a hand to his chest and fakes a sort of bow.

“Cobain? I should have guessed it, such an imaginative name couldn’t have been created by the mind of someone who calls himself like a limb”

“Or a verb!” I add.

“Or a weapon!” Angie goes on.

“A part of a record player!” me again.

“What’s this? Did I arrive just in the middle of your creative process? I thought you had stopped writing songs this way, Stone”

“Actually now they prefer the exquisite corpse technique” boozy girl explains as Arm sits down right next to her and steals a beer from our stash.

“A surrealistic band? And I thought you were writing words on small squares of paper and mixing them in one of Jeff’s hats to pick them up later in a casual order”

“No, actually the corpse is Stone’s after the fifteenth change of a chord. The others kill him and write a song about the whole experience”

“And then? Does he resurrect each time rising from his ashes like a phoenix?”

“Well phoenix only rises anew once every 500 years, so.. I hope so” the dwarf says, laughing at my face with Mark.

“Now it looks like I know the release date of the album of… what’s your name?”

“Mookie Blaylock” Angie speaks before anyone else, basically spelling every single letter, maybe even the ones who’re not there.

“But we’re changing the name” Eddie points out and he probably didn’t even notice, I mean he surely didn’t, but he slowly got closer to Smurfette from the moment Arm sat beside her. But is it just me noticing everything or is anyone else blind?

“They’re gonna use exquisite corpse to find the band name too” Angie says nodding at herself.

“Exquisite corpse seems a perfect name itself already” Arms takes off his terrible beanie, trying to tame his messy hair in the wind.

“Now it looks like I know the name of the next Mudhoney’s album” Angie repeats Mark’s previous joke and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Copying someone else’s joke using it against them is a definitely outdated method to win an argument”

“I thought that to win an argument with you it’d only take some arm wrestling”

“Hey you two, just stop it or get a room!” Cornell chimes in with no tact at all and Eddie must not appreciate the way he does it, or the words he uses, since he delivers the fakest little laugh I’ve ever heard.

“We’d better not, someone’s gonna end up in jail” Angelina replies, pointing the neck of her beer bottle against Arm’s nose.

“But weren’t you of age? At least, that’s what Stone had published in every newspaper of the state a few months ago” Mark winks at Angie, something Vedder likes even less.

“Exactly and coming of age also means becoming legally prosecutable in case I commited a murder” Angie’s devilish smile mirrors Mark’s amused one.

“Are you sure you’re friend with these people? You look too smart for these guys”

“Trying to win an argument pretending to let the other one win and complimenting her seems a too predictable technique, even for a so called ’alternative’ musician” final shot by Angie who wins it all, even though she’s so drunk she irritatingly draws air quotes with her fingers.

“Haha no, I’m not pretending, I swear, you won, I bow down before your superiority!” Mark raises his hands, then has his beer bottle clink against Angie’s in a sort of toast of defeat, before standing up from the log “I’ll go and have my revenge on someone else, good night”

The conversation with Mark, or maybe alcohol, consumed much of the energy of Angie, who’s now sprawled out all over Eddie and he’s surely not complaining. He just sits there, hugging her, cuddling with her by the fire enjoying its warmth and writing something on a pocket notepad with his free hand. How the hell does he write in the dark?

“What are you looking at?” Kim scares me to death, coming out from behind a bush.

“JESUS CHRIST… where did you come from? I had a heart attack!”

“I went to pee, sorry if I didn’t think about sending a warning signal”

“What’s going on?” Chris and Matt come along, probably because of my screams.

“Nothing, Stone thought I was a mountain lion or some other wild animal. Anyway, what are you looking at?”

“Nothing much, just the lovebirds of the day”

“And who would they be?” Gossip Guy Cornell is obviosly interested in the latest news.

“I’ll give you a hint: one is an alcoholic teenager, the other one is an exiled sufer”

“Eddie… and Angie?!” Chris looks dismayed.

“I’m not surprised, I often see them together” Matt admits.

“And what about Cantrell?” Thayil asks, strangely interested in gossip too.

“Cantrell was dethroned by Goldenlocks and dismissed forever” I diplomatically explain.

“Actually, she used to be hand in glove with Jerry, now they ignore each other” Cornell admits.

“But one of them needs to wake up and take action or they could go on with this secret lovers bullshit for ages” I snort wiping some sand off my boots.

“I bet ten bucks she’ll take action first” Kim states after pondering for a long time.

“Nah, I say Eddie first” Chris rebids.

“I say Eddie first too” Matt says.

“Eddie for me too, Angie couldn’t tell a romantic advance from a court order”

“Mark Arm’s got such a big mouth” shit-faced Smurfette remarks as Vedder’s giving her a piggyback ride along the trail. Thank god he’s here, I couldn’t carry her and neither could the others right now. Without Vedder we’d have ended up sleeping on the beach like Ray suggested. Ray is fun, I kind of like him, maybe it’s because he’s a lot like my dad, well sort of, especially in giving shitty names to their children.

“Sure he has, Mark Arm is the biggest big mouth of Seattle, ask Jeff!” I giggle.

“That guy’s always been like that, always talking, often too much” says Cornell too.

“You’re the one to talk!” we all cry along.

“No, I didn’t mean metaphorically. I mean, his mouth is big, in the sense of… his oral fissure” the girl slurs, but pronounces oral fissure perfectly.

“Well, yeah, I guess” Matt doesn’t know how to respond to Angie’s nonsense talking.

“He’s got a really nice mouth, nice lips. I like him.” I swear to god I heard Eddie trip over something and half stumble in this exact moment, I’m not making it up “He should be called Mark Mouth instead of Mark Arm”

“Well, then he could as well be called Mark Nose, considering the dimension” I joke trying to keep the torch straight and not letting the love-alcoholic tragedy that’s taking place behind my back distract me.

“YES! THE NOSE TOO!” Angie raises her head, which she had kept resting on Vedder’s left shouder until now, and fidgets so much she slightly throws him off balance.

“Hey, calm down, you and your mini hormones!” I rebuke her while the others laugh.

The others minus Eddie.

“Ok,” Angie puts her head back down and lets Eddie carry her in peace “anyway I like men with a big nose. And with a big mouth”

If Eddie’s hands weren’t busy holding Angie from her legs, I think he’d put them on his face to take measures. Given his expression, he’s struggling with the urge.

“Ok so, who takes the responsibility of convincing her this whole conversation did actually happen once she’s sober? I don't” I go on as I walk up the trail, until I notice the others have stopped. I turn around and pointing the torch at them I see them standing still, staring at me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask confused.

“Right, what’s happening? Why did we stop? I wanna go home…” Angie whines, looking up and around in a more delicate way this time.

“Big mouth and big nose, huh?” Cornell looks at me and folds his arms, then looks at Angie, then me again, then Angie, and the others follow this exchange of looks to, at least until she doesn’t figure out what they’re thinking about.

“OH GOD, PLEASE, NO! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” she complains, looking like she’s about to throw up, something which would also be plausible considering her close encounter with drunken stupor.

“Hey, what’s that disgusted look on your face? Why?”

“Stone, don’t pretend to be offended because I don’t have a crush on you. My dad’s not even here to help you”

“I’m not offended, darling, but the fact you’re not desperately in love with me doesn’t allow you to look at me like you’re looking at a pile of stinky socks. Jeff Ament’s stinky socks”

“Jeff Jeff Jeff… how come you always have Jeff in your mouth??” Angie keeps whining and doesn’t even notice she accidentally used a double entendre, but I point the torch at my friends as if it was a weapon, silently threatening them not to make any comments.

“Well, in such a big mouth…” Matt whispers, causing some hushed laughs I pretend not to hear.

“Who knows if Grace likes guys with a big mouth…” Cornell goes on and I’m tempted to give them the wrong directions and let them fall off some cliff.

We finally get to our cars after a long walk, which actually seemed shorter than the walk to the beach though. That’s strange, it should be the opposite, since we’re now tired, partially loaded and walking uphill. The plan is the four of us will follow Eddie, who’s driving Angie’s car up to her apartment, where we’re gonna leave Cornell and Matt, and Kim too 'cause he’s crashing at their place to make it faster and easier. After that, I’ll take Eddie home before going back to my place. As I start the car I can’t help noticing Vedder right in front of us who carefully puts Angie in her seat and and even fastens her seatbelt, walks around the micro-car, takes the driver’s seat, regulates the seat and while he regulates the mirrors he’s clearly pulling faces sticking out his tongue as he looks at his reflection.

And I thought he was right in the head. And maybe he was, before meeting Angie. And us.