#probably the last thing I post until I gain more motivation in a little bit

[tree-bird]

This is the most recent out of all the posts I’ve made and just now decided to post

[ourflagmeansheartbreak]

All the gentle little ways Nandor has been showing his love [spoilers s1-s5]

I talked about this before, but the glitter painting. Can you imagine this giant ancient warrior who used to slaughter people for fun now slaughters people for food on daily basis, sitting down with a painting of him and a picture of Guillermo in front of him trying to recreate… a glitter painting?? For his friend??

Him trying for citizenship test. He said in the interview with the camera that he “obviously just gonna hypnotise the man to get his citizenship”. Yet he sat down, what was probably for hours, studying with Guillermo. And for why if he knew he’s going to just hypnotise him? Perhaps because he’s majorly detached from humans and his idea of managing to spend time with one human he feels certain… connection to, is to create a false pretence to spend time together? Just to hear him talk a little longer?

Speaking of talking, on more than one occasion has Nandor asked for Guillermo to just… talk. Especially when he’s going to slumber. Not knowing Guillermo has ulterior motive, he was more than happy to hear about some movie he saw. And he’s so passionately listening to it as well. Or just whatever he’s thinking in general. In very few cases has he stopped him, it’s usually others that do. Not Nandor.

Not turning him into vampire. This might be debatable, but the reason as we saw in the finale was obviously because he didn’t think he can… be one. He was waiting for him to get tougher. But he never did, simply because that’s not who he is. And him saying that vampirism is a curse and he could not burden him with it? Nandor has been unhappy being a vampire for a WHILE and the idea of subjecting someone he cares about to it… must have brought him a heart ache. Something Guillermo never got. Nandor wanted to be a father and he was so sad his children were afraid of him after he turned.

Guillermo has yelled, cussed at Nandor many times and once even slapped him (hard if I may add). Nandor never got mad or upset, if anything he usually agrees with him. The most he has reacted to it was “your tone was disrespectful but you’re right”. Not to mention Guillermo tried to kill him three times now, and if anything it seemed like… Nandor gained some respect for him. And that makes sense, he’s a soldier, he used to measure respect by the blade and body count, but it also seemed like he gained more than just respect for him.

Nandor likes it when Guillermo stays until he’s fallen into slumber. He asked him to stay because… Guillermo is probably the only person he feels safe with. He even asks “what is this feeling I’m feeling” because he’s too detached from it and he trusts his judgment.

Whoever annoys Nandor even a little he either hypnotises them or just simply tries to kill them (remember Topher? He liked him quite a bit but he attacked Guillermo and then annoyed him and he tried three times to kill him. The only time Nandor wanted to kill Guillermo was when he disobeyed him by turning himself into vampire behind his back.

In the “reunited” episode, Guillermo was swearing and yelling at everyone and then he fell through the floors, Nandor didn’t even stop to think, he just yelled out “Guillermo I’m coming!” And jumped in immediately. Man didn’t even doubt it for a second. Then this ancient warrior sat down to dry him off and ask “how are we feeling”. YOU GOTTA REALISE HIS DAILY LIFE IS KILLING PEOPLE AND HE SITS HERE IN FRONT IF THIS MORTAL AND TAKES TIME TO DRY HIM OFF.

In the “mall” episode Guillermo said he’s going to get footlocker, Nandor didn’t know what that was, he’s 700 years old what the hell does he know about foot locker? So he gets a huge case for Guillermo. The foot locker. The bitch really sat down and thought about what the hell that is and he got the closest thing he could think of.

I made a whole separate post about last episode as a whole, because it was Nandor’s love letter.

This ancient warrior, who kills people every day, killed thousands of people, has a soft spot for one mortal who brushes his hair so gently before he goes to slumber. They’re in love. You can’t deny it.

Am I reading into details? Yes. It’s a show, that’s what I do.

[shoechoe]

As you're probably aware, I just finished reading Steel Ball Run a few days ago. I have to admit that finishing it was a bit of a struggle, but I don't blame that on the part itself. I have a problem with dropping media I'm trying to finish for months on end out of pure procrastination. However, after I strapped myself down and forced myself to finish it, the part went by much more quickly and I was done before I knew it. And... I am not disappointed.

I heard all about how fantastic Steel Ball Run was by other Jojo fans, and for the most part, I tried to block it out due to fear it'd get me overhyped. I did a similar thing reading Stone Ocean when I heard pretty much nothing except complaining about how "bad" it is. In that case, I think ignoring the complaining ended up working in my favor- while Stone Ocean is flawed (though honestly, it's no more flawed than the average part in JJBA), I enjoyed it and found a lot of the criticisms people commonly throw at it to be unfounded.

However, I have to say that after reading Steel Ball Run, I can definitely see how this could be someone's favorite part in the series. So much about this part is just magical. It's a refresh of the series, set in an alternate universe to the previous six parts, but also has so many callbacks and references to past events and characters that it feels like something new but familiar at the same time. All of the characters are given depth and motivation to make you want to root for every single one of them, even if they’re working for the villain. The relationship between the protagonist and deuteragonist, Johnny and Gyro, was very well-written and their dynamic made their scenes together a lot of fun. The plot has multiple layers that make it feel complex while still being easy to follow, the pacing is significantly better than parts in the past, and the villain ends up being a really believable character while still doing some horrific stuff that makes stopping him necessary.

Personally, though, I don’t think it’s my favorite in the series, and I still had some issues with it. Like Stone Ocean, fights and stands were kind of a mixed bag in terms of how much they grabbed my interest- you have great and memorable fights and stands like True Man’s World/Mandom, Civil War, and Scary Monsters, but there were also fights that just made me go “Huh?” Chocolate Disco, Catch the Rainbow, and Wired are some of the worst offenders of this. I feel like the middle portion sort of dragged a bit- it alternated between duller arcs and really strong ones for a little while until around chapter 62. I definitely didn’t enjoy how uncomfortably sexualized Lucy Steel, a fourteen-year-old girl and the part’s female lead, seemed to be, albeit that’s unfortunately pretty typical for Jojo and manga in general. My overall biggest problem has to do with a major aspect of the main character, but I’ll get into that in the more spoiler-heavy section of this post.

So, while Steel Ball Run is very strong and excels in a lot of areas that other parts don’t, I would not say that it’s completely flawless. I think my favorite part overall is still Diamond is Unbreakable, though Steel Ball Run has to take second place. There’s a lot I don’t think I understand fully yet about this part, though- there’s a lot of heavy subtexts and religious symbolism that I think will take a couple of rereads to really get it all. If you’re into 19th-century cowboy horse racing that has a bit of a twist to the story as it goes on, you’ll probably be really into part seven.

That’s pretty much a summary of my thoughts on this part. The rest of this post will go into spoiler territory, so I’ll put it under a cut.

 The best part of Steel Ball Run for me was easily the last 32 or so chapters. While I enjoyed the beginning and middle of the part, I was a bit confused as to how it was seen as the best. Once I saw more and gained an understanding of D4C and Funny Valentine’s character, though, everything just clicked for me. You have no idea how fast I soared through chapters 63-95. On the contrary, chapters 15 through 27 and chapters 36 through 60 were the portions that I was the slowest reading. While I blame myself for being so slow to finish the part (sorry), these bits did seem the dullest to me. Steel Ball Run has a very strong start, a very strong last 35 chapters, and everything from Scary Monsters to True Man’s World was extremely good, but I had to force myself to get through quite a bit of it. That isn’t to say that it was all bad- it just didn’t interest me. I just... really struggled to care about Pork Pie Hat Kid.

Something I really liked about Steel Ball Run’s plot is that it's straightforward enough to be engaging and complicated enough to be thought-provoking. It’s a race across America with a fifty million dollar reward for the winner, but it’s also secretly a ploy for the President of the United States to collect and assemble a Holy corpse split into nine parts that will grant him and the country large amounts of wealth and fortune... at the expense of every other country. You have two different main motivations for the characters- one, to win the race and collect the prize money, and two, to acquire the corpse either for themselves or just before the President does. All of the major characters, whether they be good or bad, have motivations for both.

 Unlike a lot of other stories, instead of painting the main character as the only one with 'legitimate' reasons for winning the race or collecting the corpse, other characters (including antagonists) have really interesting motivations and backstories that kind of make you want to root for all of them at the same time. Hot Pants wants the corpse to cleanse herself of her guilt of choosing her own life over her little brother. Diego wants to track down the man that caused his mother's death and his upbringing in severe poverty lead him down a path of desiring wealth and success no matter what it takes. Gyro wants to use the race money to save a little boy from being unjustly executed. Soundman wants to use U.S. currency to buy land for his Indigenous tribe currently being colonized by Americans. Everybody feels like a person that you understand and want to succeed in some way, even if they don't all do in the end.

Another thing really good about this part is the new mechanic introduced- Spin, a form of supernatural rotation producing energy that can be used for multiple things. It struck me as a callback to the Hamon system used back in parts one to two but produced in a different way. It was always a big flaw of the series that Hamon just gets abruptly forgotten about, so bringing it back, even in a different form, was really nice to see. I will admit that the complex descriptions of Spin and the whole “golden rotation” stuff started to bore me after a while, but I can appreciate it. I also like how Stands were utilized along with Spin, to the point where they even combine with Stands using Spin in their abilities. The only point where that happened with Hamon was very occasionally with Joseph in part three, so I’m glad that untapped potential was finally explored.

 Now, onto the characters. The protagonist is Johnny Joestar, an ex-famous horse racer who quit due to becoming paralyzed from the waist down (and is also implied to be an alternate-universe version of Jonathan Joestar?) Johnny interests me quite a bit because even if not all of the focus is on him, there’s still a lot going on with his character. He’s not exactly morally gray, but there is a lot to him that is... questionable. For example, in the past, due to his fame and skill, he was egotistical and rude, which is what led to him getting shot and paralyzed by a stranger after he forcibly cut them in line to see a show with his girlfriend. He’s also described to have the mindset of a murderer and is willing to throw away his humanity to get what he wants- something demonstrated by him almost destroying the Holy corpse just so his enemy wouldn’t get his way. He also has a troubled relationship with his father, where it’s revealed he was indirectly responsible for killing his brother who his father openly favored, which then led to him being essentially disowned. They have a bit of reconciliation at the end, but Johnny never ends up fully forgiving his father for what he did, which I thought was a good conclusion.

 His stand, Tusk, might be one of my favorite stands in the series. This part decided to do something really interesting and do what Koichi’s stand did, going through “acts” as Johnny grows and becoming different and more powerful until the final stage, where it gains the power of infinity. I always loved the idea of Stands evolving with its user and the fact that this was used again was a lot of fun- it kept me guessing at what the new evolution would be and Tusk Act 4’s ability in particular was very cool. (It felt like a much better version of GER- sorry.)

 I liked Johnny overall, but he also features my biggest problem with part seven: the way his paraplegia ended up being handled was very poor. Johnny’s main motivation is that the power of the spin or the corpse will “cure” his otherwise permanent disability, and that ends up becoming true at the end when Johnny miraculously gains the ability to walk again. This is something I do not like. Disabled people have been complaining about this trope of a permanently disabled character being miraculously “cured” for a while now- to imply that Johnny was somehow incomplete due to the fact that he was unable to walk and having him be “cured” by the end to complete his character arc is... well... pretty bad. 

 There’s also the fact that Johnny’s disability... really doesn’t affect his character after the very beginning. Once he learns to use Spin to get on a horse and start riding again, his legs just become completely forgotten about. I think I saw him in a wheelchair a total of once after the first few chapters. This just makes me think that it was purely introduced as a representation of his character growth (slowly learning to walk again as he gets closer to the corpse and his character changes) and not as an actual impairment that affects his life. All of this just leaves me confused as to why this aspect of his character was even introduced at all. There’s plenty else going on with him, and you could’ve come up with a better motivation than simply him wanting his permanent disability to go away (maybe him being disowned by his father led him to quit horse racing, and the Steel Ball Run race is him trying to return to his former glory?) Instead, it just ended up coming off as a harmful view of disabled people and poor treatment of permanent disability in storytelling.

Another character I want to highlight is the deuteragonist of part seven, Gyro Zeppeli. He was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed his character and relationship with Johnny. I loved how he rapidly alternated between a gorgeous model and terrifyingly ugly depending on what he was doing and I loved all of the stupid comedy he did to lighten the mood. I also liked how Gyro and Johnny both sort of learned from each other- Gyro helps Johnny learn Spin and get back into horse racing and Johnny helps Gyro defeat Diego by teaching him that his determination needs to become stronger in order to get what he wants. Gyro ends up being both a serious companion to Johnny and a comic relief at times. I wasn’t really too sad at his death (mostly because I saw it coming) but he was a really good character.

 My favorite characters in Steel Ball Run overall are Diego, Lucy Steel, and (I realize this may sound bad- stick with me here) Funny Valentine. I’ve talked about Diego before, but he was a wonderful callback to the original DIO while also being his own character and a really nice change of pace from the other six parts. Lucy Steel had a lot of screentime to establish herself, got the closest to the President out of any character (although that wasn’t always a positive thing), she was surprisingly tough while also being sensitive, and her scenes were (almost) always enjoyable to read. It was fun to watch her grow in confidence as she becomes determined to stop Funny Valentine, even if she goes through some of the worst torment out of any character trying to do so. The only thing I really didn’t like was how aggressively often male characters harassed her and made sexual advances on her. Most of the time, it was portrayed as a bad thing, but you even had supposedly “good” characters doing it at times like Mountain Tim. It felt mostly unnecessary and inconsistent in messaging.

Funny Valentine, though, was the character that stuck out to me. He’s such an interesting and surprisingly hard-hitting metaphor for American ultranationalism and the way that his ideology started with something positive (learning to appreciate his father, who didn’t reveal vital secrets even after being tortured mercilessly for months) but became something horrific (wanting to make every other country suffer so America could “thrive”) was genuinely really well done. He’s a bit of a difficult character to say that you “like”, though, because... well, he does a lot of fucked up stuff on screen. I did not find him likable, but I did find him extremely well-written, especially for Jojo. D4C is also one of my new favorite Stands and the final fight with him and Love Train was genuinely fantastic. I honestly do not have the words for it.

Here are my brief thoughts on the other characters:

Hot Pants: I was kind of disappointed by her. She’s a nun who disguised herself as a man in order to enter the Steel Ball Run race, and she wanted to collect all of the corpse parts for herself so she could cleanse herself of the sin of sacrificing her little brother to save herself from a bear attack years ago. I was excited to see where her character would go, but then it just... doesn’t go anywhere. She just gets killed in Love Train’s debris. Honestly, I didn’t even realize she died at first. I thought she was just incapacitated until Funny Valentine added her to his list of “sacrifices”. She never gets any form of resolution, even post-mortem. I guess part seven just didn’t know how to properly cap off her character, which is a shame because of how good she was at the start.

Pocoloco: Okay, this guy might be my favorite minor character in Jojo. He is absolutely hilarious. I am not disappointed by the fact that he’s the guy who actually won the race in the end. There’s not much I can really say about him except I kind of wish there was a Steel Ball Run spinoff in an alternate perspective where we see how Pocoloco won the race in his bullshit way.

Soundman: Same as with Hot Pants- his character just doesn’t... go anywhere. He dies and all of the struggles the Indigenous people in America were facing just get dropped and never mentioned again. He’s kind of a waste of a character (and an introduction to the story), especially with how good the Indigenous colonization pairs with the message about American imperialism. I get that it sort of ties into real life considering Indigenous people did get colonized anyways, but I was kind of disappointed that it just gets no mention at all after Soundman dies. I can’t say much about how well Native Americans were actually portrayed in this, but this is what struck me as off.

Steven Steel: Like most people, probably, I started off despising him and feeling confused as to why he was being portrayed as a “good” guy despite being in his fifties and married to a young teenager. Once the true nature of their relationship was revealed, though, my opinions lightened. My feelings are mostly neutral towards him- I like that he was not a creep to Lucy, but his relationship with her is the only thing I found interesting.

Diego From Another World: Okay, this felt a little like fanservice, but I absolutely loved this. What an amazing idea for a final fight. Again, the only thing I didn’t like was how the part felt the need to make Other Diego almost assault Lucy, but seeing The World be brought back one last time was just great.

So, those are my general feelings on Steel Ball Run after finishing it. It has its flaws, but it’s overall very, very good and I’d strongly recommend reading it. It’s definitely a step up in quality compared to other parts and it was a lot of fun to read.

[hornime]

hello hello!! happy 500 :D i’m a new follower and i’d like to request a pit stop (i’m pretty sure that’s the alphabet thing) with mr kenma pls and thank u <3

part of my 500 event! [CLOSED]

NSFW ALPHABET | KENMA KOZUME X GN!READER

warnings: 18+, timeskip!kenma, gn!reader, mentions of: filming, exhibitionism, choking, bondage, voyeurism, edging, roleplay

a/n: thank you for requesting!!!! this was super fun to write and i hope u enjoy <3

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

kenma’s competitive with himself, and that’s something that definitely carries into the bedroom. he’s analytical, so he’ll ask you questions that you really cannot take seriously after getting your brains fucked out like how many times did you cum? and on a scale from one to ten how good did that feel? although its not the traditional sort of aftercare, you know that he’s only doing it so he can make the experience better for the next time, and so far he hasn’t failed in doing so.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

himself: his fingers. he’s gotta use them for a lot of things: clicking the mouse while he’s gaming, signing business contracts, making you cream around them, sticking them down your throat, you know, day-to-day things. he looks at his hands with pride with the way they’re able to manipulate anything—especially you.

partner: your wrists. he loves the duality; when he’s holding your forearms above your head and thrusting into you mercilessly, he gets a sort of satisfaction in how limp your wrists go, your clenched fists drooping helplessly in his grasp. but he has reverence for their strength; when you’re choking him, fingers digging into his pulse points, he can’t help but focus on the way your wrist pushes down on his collarbone, the post-sex aches there simply reminders of how he fell to putty in your hands.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

would rather cum on you than inside. let’s face it, he was probably a hentai addict at some point and got hooked on the lewd way they showed backshots, facials, and the like. also a sucker for cumming in your mouth when you give him a blowjob and making you stick your tongue out before swallowing. put on a little show of licking your fingers or your lips and he’ll instantly get hard again.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

wants to fuck you while streaming. even after graduating high school, he’s not the tallest nor the strongest, and he’s constantly getting comments like how did he bag someone as hot as ‘em? or they’re probably just in it for the money on videos that he films with you. he’s not an idiot, he knows that even if he was the world’s hottest person there’d still be hate comments because that’s just how the internet works, but he really really wants to shut them all up by pausing his game and folding your body across his desk. there’s no way in hell he’d follow through with that though, because his career—and probably both of your lives—would be ruined, but he’s not opposed to making some faceless porn videos if you’re down for that kind of thing.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

kenma kept to himself for most of his life, so while he didn’t really have hands-on experience, he did get a lot of knowledge from hentai and mangas and such (which really is a double-edged sword because no, not everyone’s nipples are that sensitive, but its fine). so he kinda had a lot of unrealistic expectations and not a lot of sexual encounters to disprove them. but when he blew up on twitch and youtube? phew this guy had people THROWING themselves at him. and so he did indulge a bit, ‘gained some xp’ and ‘leveled up’ as he’d say, before stumbling upon you.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

when you ride him and he’s sitting up so your chests are pressed together. kenma’s the type of person to see kissing as super intimate (yes, even more intimate than literally being inside you) so he loves this position because he can make out with you. he lives for those heated makeout sessions when you’re both moaning into each other’s mouths and nipping at each other’s lips. also likes the position where either you’re sitting with your back to his chest or vice versa and getting each other off.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

i feel like he’d be pretty serious at first, in the early stages of your relationship, but as you got more comfortable, his dorkiness would shine through. like, this guy plays video games for a living, alright? he’s bound to make a few dumb references while you are ‘doing the dirty’, maybe let loose his killer wario impression when things get steamy.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i feel like kenma definitely dyed his pubes blonde as part of a prank at some point so that it matched his hair LMAO. and hygiene-wise, i mean, he still is a musty gamer boy except now he’s getting paid for it. so he probably didn’t take care of it at all before really settling down with a long-term partner (cough, you). now he keeps it trimmed (and he might dye it again for kicks).

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

i feel like it varies from situation to situation. depending on the mood and whatnot, he might really cling to the romance stuff and kiss you on the neck or forehead or murmur i love you, that kind of thing. other times, it might just be all about physical pleasure. it all chalks up to what kind of sex you guys are having, really.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

likes to be watched when masturbating. this pretty much goes hand-in-hand with his fantasy of railing you while streaming, but he’s a fan of either having you sit in front of him and boss him around while he’s jerking off or recording himself. also he might have posted a couple of the videos he films for you to a brand new account on twitter, accidentally blew up, and caused the hashtag #isthiskodzuken to trend for a couple weeks... oops.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

filming/voyeurism: kenma spends all his time in front of cameras, and that part of his life is just part of his sexual preferences now. would almost always be down to film a sex tape. when you guys are separated because of work or whatever, your messages are just lewd pictures and snippets back and forth. its really fucking with your data plan.

roleplay: he has an active imagination—need i say more? he’s constantly coming up with scenarios in his head and he’s definitely bought you a sexy cosplay costume on multiple occasions. i can’t see him into anything too intense like ddlg but i’m sure there’s some more milder stuff sprinkled within his sex life.

edging + bondage combo: when he’s subbing, kenma’s definitely the type who wants to relinquish all control. he just wants you to do whatever you want to him and tease him until he’s crying and begging to cum. will squirm a lot, which will eventually prompt you to tie his hands behind his back, which he realizes he likes a lot more than he thought he would.

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

his office (feeds into his boss/employee fantasy) and in the bedroom, but just not on the bed (on his desk, at his gaming chair). the bed is for the more lovey-dovey sex.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

this is oddly specific, but i feel like he’s the kind of guy that’ll get really hard if you massage his hair, lull him into a false sense of security, and then wrap your hand around his neck. the moment you squeeze, his face’ll go red and the blood goes rushing to his dick.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

threesomes or sex with other people watching. although he might be an exhibitionist, he’s pretty hesitant when it comes to actually being that vulnerable for another person. there’s a fine line between the thrill of possibly doing it with other people and then the reality of actually doing it with other people and its a line that he most likely will not cross. after all, even though he’s more extroverted than he used to be, sex is still something you still had to coax him out of his shell for.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

giving (50%): he likes the ego boost that comes with making you cum with just his mouth and, since he keeps note of the kinds of things that really get you over the edge, he’s constantly getting better at it. likes fingering even more, though, so he’ll almost always have his fingers in your hole while he does it.

receiving (50%): loves getting blowjobs while he’s gaming and his headset mic is on (exhibitionist, cough cough). his favorite time to get oral is when you’ve got him tied to a chair and are taking your own sweet time, daring him to cum at the frustratingly slow pace you’re going.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

regardless of the scene, he goes relatively slow. likes savoring the moment and likes seeing your reactions to each of his individual movements even more so he wouldn’t like rushing things.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

honestly, not a fan of them. he gets really flustered after sex, like red-face-and-heavy-breathing-and-messy-hair kind of flustered, so he sucks at composing himself. the last thing he wants is for his stakeholders to realize he got the soul sucked out of him from the burning blush on his cheeks, therefore he like sex when he can take his time with it.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

will be down to experiment if you’re clear about it. open communication is a big one for taking steps in sex because he’s not the best at reading people. so as long as you explain what exactly you want to do, sure, he’ll try it.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

not more than a couple rounds, but they will be excruciatingly long. he’ll make you cum multiple times before he takes care of himself just because he loves seeing your expression when you finish. but once he cums, there’s not much going to happen after that. baby burns out fast.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he loves ‘em and uses them at any given opportunity. he’s still a bit lazy, but does it really matter when he can just buy something to make you both feel good with minimal effort? after all, he has the money. kenma always has the latest ‘gadgets’; in fact, there’s an entire box of toys in his closet. his favorite would have to be the app-controlled vibrator—he loves using it on you as much as he loves you using it on him.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

as much as he likes making you cum, he likes seeing your face and hearing your noises more. so yes, he’s a teaser. he just loves how receptive you get when you’re begging him to touch you more, to fuck you faster, that he can’t help but drag things out longer than necessary. it’s really your fault that he does it, at least, that’s what he tells you.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

loud, loud, LOUD. kenma whimpers and his moans usually get higher-pitched the closer he gets to his orgasm. when he’s busy focusing with you, though, all that’s pouring out of his mouth is absolute filth, talking about how sexy you look and how good you’re taking him. might degrade you here and there when he sees how easy it is for you to finish with him just using his fingers—he can’t help it.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he has the money and the inability to take life too seriously, so yeah, he’s ordered a silicone mold of your genitalia, whether its your pussy or your cock. its embarrassingly useful when he goes on business trips and its the one thing he never forgets to pack (he forgot his passport once but you bet he had his custom sex toy tucked safely in his luggage like the crazy bastard he is). got you a dildo in the shape of his dick for your birthday so he wouldn’t feel as weird about it.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

six and a half inches, slight curve to the left, and for lack of a better word, pretty. it sits prettily in your palm, has a pretty pink shade on the tip, and overall always leaves you satisfied. for what he can’t do with his cock, he has plenty of toys to compensate anyway.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he was pretty conservative about it at first, but once you gave him a taste of his desires and some of your own, he was hooked. what started as taking out his frustrations after a particular bad game became compounded with rewards after a particularly good game, and now he thinks of sex as a good luck charm before he even turns on his pc. so yeah, you got a pretty needy guy on your hands.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he’s out almost immediately. he puts a lot of effort into fucking you well, and i mean, he doesn’t have the best stamina despite years of volleyball. basically the pleasure goes straight into his brain, electrifies his nerves for a solid couple hours, and then the moment he cums it all just shuts down. if you make him drink some monster you’ll probably be able to fix the circuit board and get him started up again.

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[jojosbizarrefanfics]

I like how you are writing Dabi in your fic! Do you do the NSFW alphabet? Maybe your take on that with him?

Thank you! I’m so glad you’re enjoying Eyes Blue!

I’ll write the NSFW alphabet, sure - here’s Dabi coming right up!

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

Not as much of an aloof jerk as you’d think. He’s actually fairly attentive, massaging your hips and thighs while he tells you how good you were for him after a particularly rough fucking.

He needs quite a bit of aftercare, too, and once he trusts you enough, he’ll even ask you to help him make sure he didn’t fuck up any of his staples. If he’s getting an infection, it’ll be from a fight, not sex.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

Caress his biceps with tender loving care (especially while he’s fucking you missionary style) and he is putty in your hands.

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

He gets a thrill in watching you either swallow his cum or watching you lay beneath him as he covers you with his cum. It’s a bit of a possessive thing, but not to an unhealthy degree.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

He acts the role of commandeering dom very convincingly, but deep down, he really just wants to be a sweet sub for you and have you take care of him. Won’t admit to this until there’s full trust and he’s had a very shitty day.

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

I know a lot of the fandom thinks Dabi is the king of one night stands, but I disagree. Dabi knows what he’s doing and is fantastic in bed because he can pick up on your cues and is great at reading you, but his body count is fairly low.

F= Favorite position

Anything that allows him to see your face; he likes to watch your expressions as you cum. He’s otherwise not picky.

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

I wouldn’t say he’s goofy in bed, but will wisecrack and not take himself entirely too seriously from time to time.

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Given his burned skin situation, there’s not a ton of body hair for him to have to maintain.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

Dabi is fairly rough, but not extremely so — he has his moments where sometimes he just enjoys to feel a connection with someone. He’s been deprived of it for so long that it hits him like a dump truck sometimes as you make love and he just can’t help it.

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Jerks off before bed if you’re not available as a form of stress relief. Cheaper than therapy, right?

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

Orgasm control, bondage, dom/sub relationship (he’s a secret switch that plays dom very well), and he’s a bit of an exhibitionist in the sense that while he doesn’t necessarily need others to see him fucking you, he definitely gets a thrill in knowing Shigaraki won’t sleep that night.

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Anywhere and everywhere. Especially if there’s a slight risk of getting caught.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

Act innocent and only a little submissive. It’ll turn him on to no end at the idea of completely ruining you.

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

This is probably another hot take, but he won’t do anything that would cause physical pain to his partner or himself. He’s got a lot of trauma to unpack and the last thing he wants is to unpack it by accidentally triggering himself while he’s trying to have sex, thank you very much.

Also, nothing regarding bodily functions. He’s got sensitive skin what with those burns, and a golden shower is the last thing he needs.

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

Receiving: has been known to face fuck you from time to time. He gets really into it and can’t help himself, but will be respectful if you gag and slow it down.

Giving: extremely skilled with his mouth. Loves to eat you out only to bring you to the brink of an orgasm and then deny you of it. Loves the feeling of your fingers in his hair while he’s between your legs.

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

He lasts a while, especially considering how much build up there is, but once he’s inside you he doesn’t last terribly long. His pace varies with his mood and what types of kinks you’re experimenting with.

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

He doesn’t prefer quickies, but given his lifestyle, they’re semi-frequent. He’s learned to make the most of them with some rougher fun.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

Dabi will try anything at least once (within reason) if he trusts you enough.

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

He could go three times in a day if you have a quickie, but since he likes to draw things out with some orgasm denial, typically just once or twice a day.

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

If he trusts you (as aforementioned), he’d be willing to let you try some toys on him. He especially enjoys tying you up, blindfolding you, and edging you with a vibrator and then leaving you to wonder when he’ll finally finish the job if he’s got League business to attend to. Don’t worry - he eventually gets around to it and doesn’t leave you hanging there too long. He’s not that much of an asshole.

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Dabi will deny you an orgasm for the sport of it. He loves to make you beg and say his name. He won’t admit it, but he loves when you exhibit the confidence to return the favor from time to time - even if he has to punish you for that later to maintain his reputation.

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

He lays the dirty talk on pretty thick. More of a groaner in bed than anothing else when he’s feeling pleasure, though

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

The fastest way to gain Dabi’s full trust in the bedroom are little thoughtful things: be mindful of his skin as to not accidentally hurt him, praise him after a long day, wear lingerie you think he may like, etc.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

Slightly above average length with an average girth. It’s definitely impressive, but no so big of a cock that it hurts. Just right!

I know a lot of people headcanon him with dick piercings, but given how sensitive all of his skin must be (not just the burned parts), I actually don’t think he does. If it’s not burned and he doesn’t need a staple, I imagine he’d like to keep his dick perfectly in tact.

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

Very high sex drive if the right person is in his life. But it’s not so high that it interferes with his overall goals

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

He will never admit it, but is prone to passing out not long after sex. He gets a bit more cuddly in his post-sex sleepy state than he’d care to admit

[shoutaaizawas]

hii :) can i request shoto with either a college au or fake dating au with the prompt “kiss me again” FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF (nfsw if it flows and ONLY if you want) please

thank you for the request! i always forget how much i like writing todoroki. im sorry but i don’t do nsfw but please take my offering of a kissing scene haha

↳ todoroki shoto x reader → ❝all-nighter❞

event: au!prompts summary: you never expected to become friends with shoto todoroki but when you need to share a book for a project due in the morning you end up bonding. word count: 1,939 tags/warnings: fluff, incident with a creepy guy at a party, comfort, first kiss a/n: i don’t know what college is like bear with me. thanks to @lilli-chae for the college insight. also im giving myself a reward for writing and posting before ten at night lol

Todoroki Shoto was the last person you ever expected to befriend. He was a rich boy from a rich family and those were people you usually tried to steer clear of. He was always silent, if someone asked you what he sounded like you wouldn’t be able to answer them. And he always stared, it wasn’t in a creepy way like some guys but it still unsettled you. You had a few classes with him but had only heard a few words from him.

The first time you ran into him he was lost on campus. It was oddly endearing, the sight of him standing there looking around confused. You asked him where he was going and it happened to be the same class as you. He hadn’t said much except for a ‘thank you’ once you reached the class.

It wasn’t until one night at the library that you started to see him differently. You had a project due the next day. Had you received it weeks ago? Yes, but in your defense, you had a lot of other projects. Okay, maybe you had procrastinated too much. It was late and you needed a specific textbook for the assignment. With your ice coffee in hand, you made your way to the library ready to pull an all-nighter.

As you reached for the book you were already so exhausted you hadn’t realized that someone else was reaching for it at the same time.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You said looking up only to see Todoroki.

“Sorry.” He said, looking sheepish.

“I’ll grab another copy-” As you looked at the shelf you realized there was only one. “Oh.”

“My project is due tomorrow, otherwise I would offer to use it after you.” He said.

“Mine too.” You said. “We could share it if you don’t mind.”

“That seems like the best option.” He agreed.

The two of you set up at a table big enough for both of you to spread out. It turns out you had the same topic for the same class.

“So do you procrastinate a lot too?” You said trying to break the ice with some humor.

“Not normally.” He said but didn’t elaborate.

“I wish I could say the same but this happens to me more than I’d like to admit.” You said. “You can use it first, I have to get it started before I need the information.”

Shoto nodded and took the book before getting to work.

It was surprising how likable Shoto was once he opened up. He was a bit stiff and awkward but he was really funny and very considerate. You felt bad judging him on his family status. He was nothing like the rich brats you had encountered in the past.

The two of you would take breaks, you would offer him snacks, and most likely due to the sleep exhaustion, you shared a lot of personal stories. His family was something else. The more you got to know him all the pieces of who he was fit together.

The last thing you expected was to wake up with your head on his shoulder in the library the next morning.

“Shoto.” You said nudging him awake. You looked at your phone, you had less than ten minutes to get to class for your presentations. “Wake up we have to hurry.” You said.

Shoto’s different colored eyes opened and looked at you in confusion before he realizes where he was.

The two of you quickly scrambled to pick up all of your stuff and run to class. Thankfully everything had been pretty much done before you fell asleep but you were upset you wouldn’t be able to grab a coffee to wake you up before class.

Since that night you considered Shoto a friend. You would study together sometimes and grab a coffee or lunch between classes. You found yourself confiding in him and he did the same with you.

“When did you and our school’s prettiest boy become best friends?” Your friend Mina asked.

“I think best friend is a bit strong, we just barely started hanging out.” You said.

“Well, best friend was me going easy on the teasing. The real question is when did you capture his icy heart?” Mina teased.

“Wow, okay. There has been no capturing of icy hearts.” You defended as your face heated up. Sure, Shoto was handsome and you liked his personality a lot but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him and you knew there was no way he would have a crush on you.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” She questioned.

“Yeah, he looks at me like he does everyone else.” You said.

“If that’s what you want to tell yourself,” Mina said throwing her hands up.

“It is what I’ll be telling myself.”

You did your best to push Mina’s words away but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t try to sneak glances at the way Shoto looked at you. Was his gaze softer when he looked at you? It had to just be your mind making it up.

It was a Friday night and that meant parties. Normally you were more of a stay at home and play video games and eat snacks kind of person but your friends wanted to go out and it had been a while so you agreed.

You ended up at a party on campus, it felt like almost everyone from school was there. You found yourself looking for one person in particular but you couldn’t spot him. Your heart sank a little bit, one of your motivations for going out was the hope that you would see Shoto.

You hadn’t meant to drink that much, you really didn’t have that many drinks but your tolerance wasn’t the greatest. You were having a good time, dancing with your friends. That was until some guy grabbed at you. Instinctually you hit him across the face gaining most people’s attention.

“Did he touch you?” A familiar voice said, your classmate Bakugou stood at your side in an instant with an intimidating glare. He was a bit over the top but underneath it all, he was a nice guy. Mina hung out with his group a lot and you had tagged along at times.

“Yeah.” You nodded. You didn’t have to say another word before Bakugou was dragging him out of the party, his friends Kirishima, Denki, and Sero following along. Mina rushed to your side pulling you out of the party in the opposite direction.

“Are you good?” She asked.

It was nice, the cool air of the night. Your head had been spinning but the ordeal had sobered you up a lot.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You told her.

“What happened?” A concerned voice interrupted. Shoto approached with concern on his face.

Mina explained what had happened and you saw an anger in Shoto you hadn’t seen before. He moved to the direction he assumed Bakugou had taken the man but you grabbed his arm.

“Can you get me out of here?” You asked him. You didn’t want him getting involved, this had been bad enough. You just wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened.

“Of course.” He said before looking to Mina. She nodded and Shoto placed his had between your shoulder blades and guided you away. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.” You answered.

The two of you ended up in a 24/7 diner not too far away. Sitting down in a booth under the fluorescent lights you already felt better just being in Shoto’s presence.

It was quiet. You ordered water and chicken strips. You weren’t sure what to say, you didn’t want to talk about what had happened and Shoto seemed upset.

“I should have been there sooner.” He finally said. “My father called me, held me up.”

Was he blaming himself for not being there?

“Shoto, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I’m just happy that I got to see you tonight and to be honest hanging out here is a lot better than at that loud house.”

Shoto sighed but his expression softened.

“I’m glad I’m getting to spend time with you too.” He said.

After that the mood was more relaxed, you talked about different things and laughed at Shoto’s jokes. Once you were done eating Shoto paid for your food, refusing to let you do so before he walked you back to the dorm you shared with Mina.  

“Do you want to stay for a bit?” You asked.

“Aren’t you tired?” He asked.

“I don’t want to be alone.” You admitted quietly.

Shoto walked in without a word. You sat on your bed opening up your laptop putting on something to watch before placing it on the table beside your bed. Shoto hesitantly joined you, sitting beside you leaving some space.

In retrospect you probably had a little leftover liquid courage from your drinks earlier when you scooted over closer to him, your leg pressed against his. Or maybe you just needed the comfort of having someone you trust close.

It was nice. The sound of Shoto’s soft breathes, the warmth that came from him, the way his arm brushed against yours. It was all comforting and helped the tenseness in your body melt away.

Before you could stop yourself you rested your head against his shoulder, you tensed for a moment waiting for a reaction but Shoto said nothing. A few moments later you were shocked when he took your hand in his softly. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking up at him. His soft gaze was already on you.

It felt unavoidable, unstoppable, the need to lean up and press your lips against his. At that moment you didn’t think of any consequences the action could have. It just felt right. Shoto didn’t pull back, rather he leaned forward meeting you halfway. His right hand cupped your cheek, you felt so small in his grip. His left hand moved to your waist pulling you closer.

After a moment you pulled back to take a breath.

“Kiss me again,” Shoto said. You smiled at him and leaned in again. You adjusted yourself so you could wrap your arms around him, holding him close. It felt unreal. How could things change so quickly in one moment? In one second Shoto was your friend who you may or may not have a crush on and in the next you were kissing him wondering how you could ever lie to yourself.

How could you not like Shoto? He was so good to you, so interesting in every way. Every day your thoughts drifted to him whether you tried to stop them or not. You couldn’t get him out of your head. When you saw a cute dog you thought ‘I bet Shoto would like to see this dog.’ When you ate at a new place you thought ‘I think Shoto would like the food here.’

How had you convinced yourself you didn’t like him?

“I really like you.” You said pulling back again but keeping your hold on each other.

“I really like you too.” He whispered against your lips, looking deeply into your eyes. “Go on a date with me. Please.”

“How can I say no?” You smiled before kissing him again.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Mina’s voice filled your dorm room as the door opened. You and Shoto froze as Mina stared. “Nevermind, looks like you’re doing great.” She said before shutting the door and leaving.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of it from her.” You sighed.

[tarantulas4davey]

HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

[bbyslider]

Aoyama Yūga headcanons for his birthday!!

(Warning: very long and contains angst)

• He actually used to be a fairly quiet kid up until he got to U.A. He’s always been kind of a loner, especially from the bullying he received in his childhood due to his quirk and his social skills. The only difference is that Aoyama has gained at least a little bit more confidence in himself after he got accepted into U.A. and he’s gotten sick of being lonely. Besides, nobody from his middle school got into class 1-A, so it’s not like anyone would be surprised by his sudden personality shift. Though he didn’t get bullied, he was still disappointed that he ended up alone most of the time. His mom still encourages him to make friends, though, and to always be proud of himself even when it's hard to.

• He’s also autistic! :)

• He also has generalized anxiety and social anxiety disorder mostly due to sensory and social differences.

• His best subjects are English and art. He especially enjoys painting and embroidery. His worst subjects are math and P.E. (I’m not athletic either don’t worry Aoyama).

• Even though he’s not the most athletic or coordinated, he’s very flexible and could probably do acrobatics if he wanted to.

• He’s not the traitor, but he knows who the traitor is (personally I believe Kaminari would be the best candidate for the traitor).

• He used to be a messy eater due to poor fine motor skills (I’m kind of self projecting here oops), so now he gets insecure about eating in front of people sometimes.

• He’s such a good singer. His voice sounds like it came from the Heavens.

• His favorite music artists are Lady Gaga, Clairo, and Mitski. Lady Gaga helps to boost his confidence and motivation while Clairo and Mitski help to calm him down and let him know that it’s okay to be sad sometimes.

• His favorite color is lavender!

• He doesn’t really play video games much, but he used to really like Super Mario Galaxy and Stardew Valley.

• He’s gay and very awkward when it comes to crushes. I feel like he would be able to tell when someone has a crush on him, but he wouldn’t know how to deal with it especially since there’s a part inside of him that still feels doubtful that someone could actually appreciate him other than for his looks.

• While I’m on the topic of appearance, the reason why Aoyama boasts a lot about his appearance is because he feels that it’s one of the only few things he’s got going for him. :( He knows that he has other talents too, but he gets insecure because nobody really acknowledges him.

• He’s sensory seeking when it comes to smell and light! He loves staring into his disco ball in his room and he loves the aroma of most perfume shops!

• Though he likes to pressure stim, he’s a bit wary of hugs. This is because when he was a kid, he would avoid standing directly in front of people to avoid accidentally hitting them with his laser.

• He’s very close with his mom, not so much with his dad who left him and his mom when he was young. This left some abandonment issues in him, hence why he’s a bit clingy with Midoriya.

• He was homeschooled up until he got his belt for his quirk when he was eight. He came back to elementary school in third grade and stayed in France until his last year of elementary, then he moved to Japan. Thankfully for him, he was taught both French and Japanese growing up. He also taught himself some English.

• Even though he loves cheese, he doesn’t like store-bought macaroni because he believes that it’s “fake cheese.”

• He’s not really allowed to eat citrus or spicy things because it will hurt his stomach a lot.

• He used to be a Musical.ly kid back in his early middle school years… He’s not on TikTok much nowadays. If he wants to post a picture or video of himself he would just do it on Instagram.

• He used to have braces in middle school and is still recovering from how his teeth used to be (same), hence why he usually has a closed-mouth smile. When he’s with someone that he feels really close to, he tends to smile with his teeth more. :)

• He’s good friends with Hagakure and he finds her quirk (specifically the light warping function) to be “dazzling.”

• He “dated” a girl back in elementary school, but he didn’t realize that they were dating until a month in when she tried to kiss him, to which he lightly pushed her back out of fear.

• He’s had a few crushes in middle school, but not anything too big. In fact, he’s never actually seriously dated anyone.

• Though he sometimes appreciates Monoma’s taste in French culture, he finds him to be kind of “fake” since he pretends to be part French when he’s actually part American (cursed headcanon).

• He’s received three secret love letters during his time in middle school. Though he never found out who they were (like I said, he doesn’t know how to approach crushes), he still keeps the letters because he finds them endearing.

• He’s an awful liar. If he even attempts to lie, his mind starts to blank.

• He keeps a Google doc of tips on how to improve his social skills that he made in middle school. It’s categorized based on a certain type of social situation (eg. in a classroom, in a group project/meeting, at a party, etc.). He started doing this because when he was younger, his “friends” would get annoyed at him for being “too much” or “weird,” so they would distance themselves from him without telling him why. This led to some slight trust issues.

• He’s afraid of the dark, so he sleeps with most, if not all, his lights on.

• Speaking of sleep, he has a hard time sleeping sometimes, but when he does, he’s a deep sleeper.

• He also gets insecure that one day, his face will become asymmetrical because he sleeps on his side, so he switches between his right and left side to “even it out.”

• He has a private Twitter account that nobody follows where he just tweets out random thoughts he has. He also has a journal to write out longer, more emotional thoughts.

• He’s very sensitive to temperature and gets cold easily. He’s one of those people that has to bundle up a bunch during the winter (like Tsuyu) and has to wear sunscreen whenever it’s hot and sunny outside (I should probably start doing that tbh).

• The reason why he dresses so eccentric is partly because he really just wants somebody to notice him, but it is mostly because he genuinely likes dressing up.

• He doesn’t really have a crush on anyone at the moment, but if he had to choose someone, it’d probably be Tokoyami or Midoriya.

• He’s an age regressor! He regresses to around 2-4 years old and he goes mostly nonverbal/semiverbal. He likes to wear onesies and a pacifier and he has a toy kitchen set in his closet (it’s a mystery how he fits an entire toy set and his multiple outfits in his closet). He also likes to watch kid shows and movies.

• He hasn’t told Midoriya about his age regression because he’s still embarrassed about it, but sometimes he will ask to go to his room to play with the small toy sandbox he has in the corner of his room.

• He stims by rocking, bouncing on his toes, pacing in circles, biting his lip, humming, and staring into bright lights. He also bites his nails, but only when he’s really stressed.

• He has a fluffy white cat named Shimmer and a fluffy white cockatoo named Glimmer. He also wants a fluffy white bunny.

• He’s a Hufflepuff. Although he’s a bit of a loner, he’s very kind, loyal, and patient. He’s also hard-working towards becoming a hero and is very against injustice, especially since he faced ableism against his quirk growing up.

• I haven’t seen many people talking about the Divergent series nowadays, but for those who are familiar, I think he would be in the Amity faction, which is known for peace and harmony. He would also do well in Abnegation, known for selflessness, but he also takes pride in individuality, so I’d say he fits in Amity best.

• I never really read Percy Jackson that much so I could be wrong on this one, but I think his godly parent would be Aphrodite because of her gracefulness or something lol.

[r3almellow]

MLQC Boys With A Famous S/o

Here we go! Thank you anon for this request I hope its to your liking!! Apologies for typos as always!

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Kiro (YouTuber S/o)

How did you meet ?

You were a YouTuber that had over 500,000 subscribers. During a Mukbang Q&A video you received a question in regards to your celebrity crush. 

“I think the big ass poster currently behind me kind of gives it away, but my ultimate crush is Kiro. I’d give anything to meet him at least once.” You went even as far as to give him a shout out. “Hey, super star! I heard you were a big foodie and since you like to eat and I like to eat, maybe we can eat together sometime? Okay, that was dumb, please ignore this!”

Little did you know, Kiro was a huge fan of your videos and just so happened to see your request. Next thing you knew a clip of you “shooting your shot” made its way to his social media page with a caption of “Its a date ;)” right above it. You just about died when you saw his post. You were only joking around! Well...not 100% joking, but you didn’t expect him to respond! 

You spent weeks talking to each other through private messages soon after. Your messages filled with gushing over your similar interests, playful banters and light flirting. He offered to be a part of your next Mukbang stating that it was better to have two people eating themselves into a coma on camera than one. You couldn’t argue with facts and took him up on his offer! Kiro only had one condition...you let him take you out on a date afterwards.

And the rest was history. 

Dating

The cutest couple to have ever existed! 

Both of your social media pages are filled with couple photos. 

You both get to dress up in disguise whenever you go on dates! A baseball cap, sunglasses, and face masks are your usual go to’s, but depending on where you’re going you might be required to get a little creative. 

Dealing with overly excited fans and even more persistent paparazzi was a bit new for you, since your interactions with people is mostly through the internet, but you handle it pretty well.

Interviewers practically threw themselves onto every opportunity to get information about your love life. Kiro was more skilled than you about these things, so you tend to just laugh awkwardly and let him take care of it. 

Kiro appears a little more in your videos whenever he’s free which the fans are grateful for. Of course, your channel doesn’t turn into all things Kiro and you never use him for your own personal gain. 

Dating Kiro did open up some opportunities for you, like getting to experience award shows and networking with other celebrities and content creators. Again, you refused to throw Kiro’s name around just to get the things you wanted. 

You both like to bounce ideas off of each other, whether its for his music or for your latest video. Having two creative minds come together does wonders! 

You’re almost always somewhere in the background during his live streams.  

Gavin (Actress S/o)

How did you meet? 

High school. You were a part of the drama club and Gavin was...well...forced into being a part of the stagehand after being threatened with expulsion from his last brawl. 

You were the first one to welcome him. You were kind, funny, and cute. And when you were on that stage? Mesmerizing was the best way to put how Gavin saw you. You were inspiring. 

After graduation Gavin lost contact with most of his acquaintances, but he never once stopped thinking about you. Gavin wasn’t big on celebrity news, but he actually kept up with your progress once he got wind of a newcomer taking the entertainment world by storm. 

Fast forward to a few years later and he was playing bodyguard for one of the most successful actresses in the world. You. This was just an undercover job that was going to last as long as his target was still out there. 

There was definitely chemistry between you. And while Gavin wanted to act on his feelings, his work had to come first. You respected that, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to let him know you were interested. How could you not be? You had a huge crush on him back in high school and now that he was by your side practically every day those feelings came back with a vengeance! 

As soon as Gavin’s objective was complete he continues being your bodyguard stating, “Only I can keep you out of trouble.” Which you responded by kissing him.

Dating

Once word got out about you dating your “bodyguard”, it shocked many that you decided to be with someone that wasn’t a celebrity. 

Even so, Gavin doesn’t look like your average Joe. He has the body and face of man who could easily be on the cover of Vogue or Vanity Fair, but you know your man isn’t about that life. 

You’ve spent years being a private person, so when you and Gavin start dating not revealing much was easy. The public only knew what you wanted them to. 

There are a lot of at home dates filled with takeout and movie night. Just being in each others company is more than enough for you!

You work out together a lot! He’s really good about motivating you especially when you have to prepare for an upcoming movie. You honestly don’t need a personal trainer when you have Gavin. 

The paparazzi are afraid of Gavin. Like they won’t even get within six feet of you whenever he’s around. The last poor soul who got a little too close for your liking ate asphalt within seconds.

Gavin isn’t one for the limelight or the glitz and glam, which you appreciate. Its nice to be around someone that isn’t a part of the entertainment world. 

You don’t have to hide a part of yourself, in fear of judgement, whenever you were with him. You appreciated Gavin’s genuine nature. He was always truthful with you and he never gave the impression that he was only with you because of your status. 

Gavin does a great job with making you feel special. Whenever you feel like you don’t meet the standards of what the industry wants, he pulls you out of that dark hole and gives you the pep talk you need to get through the day.

You could walk around without an ounce of makeup on or trade in a Dior dress for sweatpants and a t-shirt, and Gavin still found you beautiful. 

Victor ( Famous Pianist S/o)

How did you meet? 

Victor was a fan of your work for quite some time. There was something about your raw talent that drew him to your work. He always made it a point to go to all your live shows whenever he was available, but has never met you personally. 

It wasn’t until you waltzed right into his office out of the blue. When he saw you enter his office with Goldman and two security guards tailing right behind you, he didn’t even recognize you. You looked as if you had just rolled out of bed with a messy bun, ripped jeans, t-shirt with some random cartoon character and thick rimmed glasses. His first thought as you stared him down with a frown was, “Who let this homeless person into his office?” 

When Goldman called your name as the two security guards grabbed your arms, Victor had to do a double take. The elegant and graceful woman, who commanded the stage with just pads of her fingertips, was...YOU?! 

Victor allowed you to stay, curious to know why you were here. You business with Victor was simple. You wanted funding to create music schools for low income families. You had sent countless emails to LFG with hopes to do business with them, but after being ignored the first few times and receiving a rude rejection email that morning, you were ready to take the bull by the horns. 

Surprisingly Victor found himself intrigued by you and thus started an interesting partnership. 

The more Victor got to work with you the more he became attracted to the headstrong, smart, and talented person who seemingly enjoyed ruffling his feathers every chance they got. 

You were also attracted to the blunt, detail-oriented man and it bothered you to no-end. What you saw in a man who probably would critique drawings from a toddler, you had no idea. But you appreciated his work ethic. He genuinely wanted you to succeed with this project and you couldn’t deny his heart was in the right place. 

The day the first school opened was the day Victor decided to stop tiptoeing around the mutual attraction and asked you out.

“We can celebrate your accomplishments over dinner.” 

Dating

The CEO of LFG and the child prodigy turned world famous pianist dating?!

CAN WE SAY POWER COUPLE?!

Whenever paparazzi get a picture of the two of you, you both look as if you just finished a professional photoshoot. You NEVER look bad in those photos. Never! 

And when you do professional shoots? It leaves people SHOOK. Magazines like Forbes have never had such a beautiful couple grace their covers before. Just wait until people see your wedding photos.

You always ask him to visit you during your rehearsals which he almost always declines but shows up anyway, if he’s not too busy. He’ll also bring a box of his homemade pudding because knowing you, you probably were too busy with preparations for your upcoming concert to eat. He’ll take you out to eat afterwards, but the pudding should hold you over for a bit.

Victor will never admit this to you, but your music helps him de-stress after a long day at work, so whenever he isn’t with you, your music helps him fall asleep. 

Victor also likes to watch you work. Seeing you so focused as you create your next piece was a sight to beheld. The pensive look in your eyes as you went over your music sheet, the slow nod of your head as your fingers danced across the keys as you intently listened to the melody, and the way your eyebrow twitched when you hit a key you didn’t like; all things oddly enjoyed seeing.

You’ll never catch him staring. He’ll pretend he’s working whenever you feel his eyes on you and if you try to call him out on it, he will most likely deny it. 

Lucien ( Novelist S/o)

How did you meet? 

You needed the help of someone knowledgeable with neuroscience for your next book. Someone recommended a Professor at Loveland University who specialized on the topic. That was how you met Professor Lucien. 

You two worked closely together once you started your manuscript, going over various topics under the neuroscience category. It wasn’t surprising just how intelligent the man was on the subject, but you were in awe about how much you knew.

Your meetings would often start at the university which led to you going home together once you found out he lived in the same building as you. You leveled up from the lecture hall to aquariums, movie theaters, restaurants, and his apartment where you had lunch or dinner. 

Your conversations never stayed on the topic of work. It often changed to your interests. You found that you and Lucien had a lot of similar interests like your taste in books and art. He also developed a love for teasing you. 

Seeing the look on your flustered face turned into one of his favorite pastimes.

When it came to the topic of your books, you learned Lucien has read quite a few of them and was very intrigued with your work. He asked you numerous questions, questions no one thought to ask. 

He admitted to you his favorite of yours was the first book he ever read titled, “The Boy Who Dreamed.” You jokingly offered to sign his book, but he declined with a smile.

“I’ll admit I do enjoy the book, but I’m more interested in the woman who wrote it.” 

Dating

More dates at your favorite places. 

Almost every other week, Lucien seemed to have tickets to art exhibits, festivals, or the movies. 

His teasing intensifies by a hundred! That man loves to tease you and you hate it! You love it. 

The closer you got to Lucien, the more you realized he didn’t enjoy talking about himself, so it takes a while to learn about him or his past. You never press him for information, but he does reveal things to you within time.

Lucien loves when you read to him. Its how he falls asleep and once you find out he has trouble sleeping, you always suggest what you call “story time.” 

In truth, having you by his side is more than enough to get him to sleep, but if you aren’t there hearing your voice will do the trick. You could be reading anything and he’d be fine with it. From Dr. Seuss to H.G. Wells, Lucien was fine with it as long as he got hear your voice.

You like to ask for his opinion on your latest projects. He does a great job making you think outside of the box which will make things easier or challenging during your writing sessions. 

Whenever you encounter writer’s block, Lucien will pull you away from your laptop and mountains of papers to enjoy a nice relaxing day with him. 

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Doooone! Please comment if you enjoyed this! I’d love to know what you guys think!

Want to read more of my writing? Check out my MLQC masterlist here!

[pinkykitten]

everything stays

chapter 1 - blood on her hands :: gisela klein [ an aot oc story ] 

note: hey guys i know its been a rlly long time since ive posted anything and u may be rlly let down and underwhelmed that ive chosen to write a aot oc instead of fanfic but its what i want to write and i rlly love my oc and wanna give her some love and some praise and let u a little in how i see her. im sorry i havent posted a lot im going to try to write more and who knows i may or may not finish this but its ok imma try lol but life sometimes is a butthole. i hope you love her as much as i do an tysm for taking time out of ur day to read this story. enjoy!

Even though she knew that this day would have to come and that it was near, it still was a surprise for her. She was taken aback. It didn’t make sense and add up to her; she was trained for this since she was little; preparing mentally and physically for phase one of the plan; and the day appeared through the trees; past the wall; the opportunity was present; the fate of the people were waiting in their hands; and yet she felt a sense of evilness within her heart. Was this right? But there was no time. 

The day was written down in history. The stories were spread around like a disease. Heights, jaws, teeth, feet, stench, the screams. If they survived that nightmare they were seen as a tough soldier; as someone that was applauded because they probably had PTSD and had to see everyday as a reason within themselves or God that they were alive. That maybe just maybe they were saved for a reason; for a purpose. That is what Gisela Klein thought. Maybe there was something greater out there for her to do, to accomplish and that was why she saw another day; breathed another breath. 

But one thing was for sure. Forgiveness would never come her way; she would never expect it. To be a warrior she had to endure the horror; the pain; feelings of worthlessness; and friendships lost. 

This is the story of the 10th finding titan; the Slash Titan.

The pounding of her heart rang through her ears. It had taken everything for her to keep going on this journey; to continue on the path to and through Hell. She felt a loss within her and the light in her eyes died out. The loss of her friend made it hard for her to function. To keep her head in the game and in the plan. 

She sighed as she stared at her hands. Broken and bruised like her heart; scars and scratches scattered on her skin. Her bite mark deeply engraved into her flesh. She heaved a huge sigh. Ready to give death a handshake and make a deal with the devil. Panic was rising in her chest from her stomach, almost ready to throw up. 

As she thought about her family back home she realized there was no other way; she had to do this. In order to be with her family, to save them she had to do the one thing she was trained to do. 

Kill.

A lightning strike shot over the wall. The wall that kept the monsters away and at bay. Something was wrong; the air seemed to change. The lightning strike caused a boom, clap and the ground started to shake. 

Bertholdt drew his leg back and with full force swung his leg forward, knocking a hole into the wall that was impenetrable. Many people flew back from the wind of the blow and some were crushed by the debris of the wall. 

Many were going to die; but it’s what needed to be done. 

The titans were called. 

Finally the titans entered the devils homes and started to rip up their lives. “This is right, this is right.” Gisela had to keep reminding herself. “For my family.” And something snapped within her. The image of her mother, tortured, flashed in her mind. And suddenly everything was worth it. “No regrets.”

Gisela eyed Reiner, an agreement, a sign. She exhaled and in a quick motion placed her hand to her mouth and bit into it. In a spark she transformed into her titan form. Her eyes were much like a cats, sharp. She was made into the slash titan, she was chosen for this program. Her titans fingers were like sharp knives, able to cut any object or person. They hung a little past her knees. 

Reiner then transformed and both stomped past the hole. Many citizens glanced up, horrified. Gisela and Reiner were titans never seen before. 

She nodded to Reiner, bent down and started to pick up debris and pieces of houses to throw over the bigger wall. The chunks started to smash against people. Blood splattering everywhere. Gisela almost wanted to close her eyes from the immense amount of dead bodies piled on top of others, graves upon graves. 

She was hauling boulders as high and fast as she could. Her titan held a high amount of power and strength. Being slim, muscular and as tall as the armored titan and female titan. Reiner took a step back and gained his speed to go onward to destroy the bigger wall. 

“Fire!” Their soldiers cried out. Fear evident on their face. They shot their cannons, not even slowing down Reiner. Gisela continued flinging, wanting to create a path for Reiner. She was faster than before and many of her hits flattened the men in the front lines. Their screams and cries loud. 

“Close the gate!” They tried, it was their last hope to save humanity. But it was not enough. Reiner broke the wall and killed those running and they went flying. They reached even higher than Gisela. It astounded her almost, they seemed like helpless birds flying high in the sky; but that thought was quickly wiped clean because the second they flew up in the air they came straight down with much force that many parts of their bodies broke. 

Reiner did what he needed to do, he opened up a way for the titans to get in and they were swarming by the bunches. 

In the distance, the survivors fled in boats across the river to get into the other walls. Gisela put herself in their shoes for a second. They had reason to be scared. Everything they have ever known was gone; their houses, loved ones, food, a place to feel the most comfortable you can feel despite situations; it was all gone. Gisela shook the thought out, not caring about these cruel humans feelings. They had none. No emotions. Gisela had to believe that thought; what she was told, she had to believe it with all her heart, or else what was real?

They waited till they were able to not be seen and Gisela turned human first and then so did Reiner. The four of them hopped on the boat. Talking amongst themselves. The wind howled through the vacant homes. Destruction everywhere. Gisela looked around her setting and saw a little girl had been crushed because a tree fell on her, her doll mere inches away from her grasp. She died with her eyes open; almost looking into Gisela’s soul through the eyes. Gisela’s body trembled and she threw up. 

“Don’t.”

Gisela looked up to see Reiner wiping blood and debris off his clothes. He picked his sleeve and turned Gisela’s head to look away, he wiped her chin and mouth off the puke. He saw the trauma in her eyes and felt guilty. But it’s what needed to be done. He kept telling himself that the more he did this the more he would understand and get used to it. It was still all new to her and he had to be strong for her. He knelt in front of her small frame. “It’s not your fault. They needed to die. We are in this together. You don’t need them. Look at me.”

Gisela looked into his eyes, away from the sadness. His eyes carried the feeling of wanting to be wanted. That was always what Reiner wanted. But they also had fear in his eyes. 

“Stop acting like you’re in control when I know how sick you feel. I know how afraid you are Reiner.”

He paused and took a look at his hands and others surrounding him. “You’re right. But I made a promise to Marcel.”

They joined the other citizens arriving at the food reserves. The master of disguise was needed in this mission. People needed to see four hungry, depressed children that survived the fall of their homes, not mass murderers. 

Annie was only able to fetch two loaves. “Alright, who's the most hungry?”

“You girls should eat, you’re more feeble.” Bertholdt sat on a crate, pointing to Gisela and Annie. 

Annie tsked, moving a bang from her eyes, “who says girls are more feeble? I recall kicking your ass all those times in training.”

“You guys can eat it, I’m not hungry.” Gisela sat on the other crate and saw the chaos of the crowds. A boy caught her interest. He had dark brown hair, tan skin, and light blue green eyes. He was having bread shoved in his mouth and he seemed to have such a strong personality to him. If only Gisela felt so strongly about her motive and her placement in this life. 

“You really should eat, you need your energy after all you did.” Annie broke all the loaves in half and shared it amongst the four of you. “It’s not much but at least it's something.”

Gisela sighed, “you’re right. Thanks.”

After that day there was land given to only a few refugees but there were too many of them. Luckily the four of them had a piece of land that was enough until further inching themselves within society. Through that whole span each day was getting easier and easier living with the lies and day by day Gisela felt more at sure with herself and knowing that she could fulfill this mission. Pills and alcohol helped the pain and ease the thoughts. She taught herself to put a gap between what she came here to do and feelings. She told herself every day that nobody else mattered except her family and Reiner. She trained her brain to not care, to not have strings attached or any love for anything. It was all a play, all a rehearsal for when the curtain would fall. She was readying herself for that fall. Everyday she educated herself more on these scums. What they liked, wanted, needed, craved for, and what they craved more than ever in their life was freedom. 

She trained her body as if it were her last day, barely getting sleep. The face of her mother haunting her every night making her get up at three in the morning to do pushups or sit ups. Not only was her mind getting stronger but also her body. Even Reiner would make jokes noticing the muscles that would appear. The six pack that formed on her stomach. Her thighs growing tight and firm, her arms growing stronger. The sweat growing on her forehead longer. 

With her body growing her relationship with Reiner also changed. They no longer were the tiny children that didn’t understand anatomy or the air between two people. Reiner and Gisela’s relationship was of being flirty, sharing a few kisses here and there, trying to be a couple but then yelling at each other and breaking it up and realizing maybe this isn’t right a million times. Even Bertholdt and Annie were getting tired of their outbursts. But each time they made up to be friends only and then the cycle started where the feelings came in the way and they wanted to be more. They would tease each other, especially Reiner. They were each other's best friends. Gisela was like one of the boys, loud, obnoxious, burping all the time, Reiner would get a look at her and smirk thinking he taught her well. When Reiner looked at her he felt at home and that everything was going to be okay. Her nightmares continued and each time Reiner would come to her room and hold her, let her cry into his arms. She felt he was the only person that knew her pain. 

Gisela understood many things in life and for once she understood her life here, she understood why she was born and chosen. 

It was the following year and in order to get closer to finding the founding titan the four became part of the 104th cadet corps. 

“Are you ready to train more?” Gisela nudged Reiner, eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean train more? This is going to be a new but scary experience honestly.” Reiner spoke as if he was a different person. As if he didn’t have a life outside of the walls. 

“Reiner?” Gisela placed her hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He looked fine on the outside but Gisela knew the issues were inside, his mind. She knew this was becoming disastrous to him, he was starting to have almost two personalities, two lives, two worlds, two people. Gisela tried to tell Annie or Bertholdt, they saw it too but there was nothing they could do. 

All that Gisela could do was smile as they made their way to the first day of training. 

note: again ty y’all sm!!!! If u liked it lmk and this is kinda new for me cuz I usually don’t post my ocs stories here or much at all but I’m rlly excited for y’all to see her and for y’all to know this oc of mine and hopefully accept her ❤️

Taglist: @witchofinterest @chlobenet @eddysocs @fpxloomis @whctsherncme-archive @ocfairygodmother @fandomchick80 @ocappreciationtag

[mc-critical]

hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter.  She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

[turkeyspamsandwhich]

With all of the new information from chapter 290, I was thinking about what could happen after the arc. And I don’t have anyone to talk to about my thoughts so I’m posting about them. This will be long and probably won’t want to read it but I hope that you enjoy it!

Even though everyone probably already knows *Spoiler Warning*

All of the debate about Dabi/Touya and what’s to happen to him, is he going to die, get consequences of his actions, or be redeemed? Honestly having him killed off would be a lazy route, since Twice is gone and Shigaraki mostly is going to die as well. And personally I wouldn’t like it because I feel Endeavor wouldn’t actually face his past. Kinda like punishing the abused and rewarding the abuser.

I also feel like the LOV will be done after this arc in a way because they’ve lost a lot of members and it may be set for the time skip after this arc with Shigaraki and AFO gone. So the idea of Dabi/Touya becoming the new main threat doesn’t make sense to me, but it’s still a possibility.

Dabi/Touya isn’t mentally well. He’s dealing with PTSD of his past and because of never getting mental help, his mind only got worse. His sense of reality is not right and he hasn’t had anyone to help him for years. Even during his abuse he had Natsuo, but after his death there was no one. His abuse broke him so severely, he only thought of ways to hurt the person who caused it and how he could get revenge. He wasn’t thinking of his family and the actions could affect them. He just wanted the world to know what Endeavor did to him. And he has every right to expose his abuser, he is the victim when it comes to the past and Endeavor cannot atone if he’s going to hide what he did. Still it does hurt the rest of the family, because it seems like they didn’t want it to go public, except maybe Natsuo but he was willing to try for Fuyumi. Does that mean Dabi/Touya doesn’t care about them? I think he does in a sense, he couldn’t stop his negative feelings for his father, so how could he stop his positive ones for the rest of his family. He may have surprised them but not gotten rid of them. I believe he cares about Natsuo the most. I’m unsure about Rei, it seems he does care with the information we have but still eh. Fuyumi, I have no idea honestly. And we know he sees Shoto as a puppet. Just because the way he outed his abuse in a selfish manner doesn’t mean he hates his family. I also feel Natsuo would play a big part if there is a redemption.

Now some of the things I’m thinking could happen. He faces the consequences of his actions. He may go to prison, because he did murder innocent people. His abuse doesn’t cancel out the wrong he has done. Thirty people lost their lives because of him. Even if those people were villains as well, doesn’t mean he had the right to take their lives. If he does go to jail I could see it similar to Overhaul, chained up forever. Or maybe the family’s influence/money could help him out and instead he’s put in a mental ward. He may be stuck there forever but he would get the much help he needs badly. I feel this is likely if he’s not killed in the arc, just like Overhaul.

Redemption. That’s a huge conflict with many people. Personally.......I want to see it, I want to see the victim get help so badly. I want to see them get help and become a better person. He still would need to face consequences of his actions of murdering people, and every terroristic act he has done while in the LOV. His actions are still his own regardless of the trauma he has faced, but if he didn’t have this trauma he wouldn’t have done any of these things. He was a broken child turned into a broken adult, all he knows is his pain of the past, he can’t move on and now he’s stuck in the cycle of abuse.

He has a problem with Shoto due to him becoming Endeavour’s new “favorite.” He doesn’t see Shoto as a person but a doll of his father’s, and he had planned to kill him, because he thought it would get him his father's love and attention. Which isn’t that strange, because I’ve seen that happen with children in abusive households. They still crave their parents' love and want it regardless of the parents hurting them. They turn their anger towards the person they think is taking that away from them, example the favored sibling.

Yet even though he's done and planned horrible things, that doesn’t mean he can’t get redeemed. Horrible people have been redeemed in anime before, ones that have done even worse things than Dabi/Touya. It’s possible for him to become a better person, maybe a good person, I don’t see him changing over to the hero’s side but more neutral. I think it’s possible, I don’t know if it will happen though. But we have seen it before and the character that came to mind was Gaara.

Now despite being a huge Naruto fan, I haven’t read the manga since the ending which was a loooooong time ago. And I’m not watching Boruto like at all, I refuse. I still remember a lot of it and there’s so many complex characters in Naruto that have done terrible things, but we’re saved and redeemed. Some even become fan favorites. Most of the characters I’m going to get into are from Naruto but I’ll get to them in a bit but right now I want to focus on Gaara.

Neglected by his family, and hated by everyone else. He was taken advantage of by his village and abused to become the perfect weapon. He killed so many people, regardless of who they were, if they had a family or not. No he wanted bloodshed and chaos, because that’s all he knew. Gaara became a psychotic killer whose goal was to everyone in his way to prove his own existence. It could be argued that he was a child at the time he did these things but that still doesn’t excuse his actions. Plus he mostly killed many more than Dabi/Touya, yet he was still redeemed. Naruto saw the pain in him and could understand why he became the way he was, even admitting he could have ended up like him if it wasn’t for his friends. He saved him and Gaara became a new person free from his past and pain. He got to have a family and gained friends. He became the Kazekage and was loved by his people, who once looked at him in fear and disgust now looked at him in admiration. He did unspeakable things but he got a second chance and did amazing things with it.

Itachi killed his whole clan, yes he did it so they couldn’t start a war but that doesn’t erase that he murdered innocent people. Even though the reason he couldn’t kill Sasuke was because he loved him too much he still left his little brother with no one and trauma. That’s horrible for a child to go through. Sasuke had nobody to turn to now he lost not only his family but he got to see his brother, who was the one person who he idolized the most. And yes later on, both the audience and Sasuke learned the truth about Itachi. He really was such a good person regardless of him being a good person he did bad things even if it was for the greater good. Once the truth was out people could relate to him, understand why he did the things he did, and he also became a fan favorite and now is seen as a hero. His trauma made him want to do good and his motives were different than Dabi/Touya’s but he still took innocent lives.

Now I want to touch a bit on this character, because they were a favorite of mine. However, I wasn’t the biggest Soul Eater fan so my knowledge isn’t as good. Crona actually had a very similar situation to Shoto and Dabi/Touya, their mother experimented on them and made them into her perfect weapon kind of like how Endeavor wanted to make his children into the perfect tool to dethrone All Might. They were mentally unwell and were made to kill people, and took many lives. Still Maka and her friends, spared them and took them in and showed them love.

The last one I want to get into is Zabuza. He was a killer for hire and did unspeakable things for money. He was willing to kill the team Kakashi, which had three children for his mission. Killing children is one of the worst things. During his journey, he met Haku and formed a bond that I don’t think he noticed until it was too late. And while his redemption doesn’t seem as grand as others, he got a pretty amazing one for what kind of person he was before. After Haku’s death, he turned on Gatō and his gang, and killed them. That saved the village directly even though he just wanted revenge. At the end, as he’s dying he gets to lay next to Haku and have a moment and that changed the way people viewed him. It left an impact on Naruto as well. His story has similarities to Dabi/Touya, they both killed to get their goal even though it wasn’t right.

There are so many more characters I could get into like Vegeta, who literally destroyed planets with whole civilizations. Isabella from the promised neverland, who fed children to demons. Obito and Nagato, who tried to end the whole world. So many JoJo characters, I can’t even begin to think of, but the point is redemption is possible.

So honestly a redemption isn’t that far fetched for Dabi/Touya, even with his crimes, and it would be nice for a villain to be redeemed because we haven’t really seen that in this series. And yes I’m a bit biased but I enjoy his characters, but now it’s mostly because I want the victim to find peace and be able to let go of the past. He is still a victim of Endeavor’s abuse, because he is still trapped in it. I want to see a victim get a second chance, but he still has to face the consequences of his actions. He doesn’t get a free pass because he was abused, it’s a reasoning not an excuse.

Also you could say the same for Endeavor deserving a second chance, but I can’t get behind a child abuser and wife beater. That’s the same reason I don’t like Overhaul like many others, touching a child in any way doesn’t sit right with me. So I was never behind Endeavor’s redemption, but I supported and understood the people who were into it. In the end, it’s up to Horikoshi about what will happen to both Dabi/Touya and Endeavor. I know either way it will be an amazing story.

Thank you to anyone who actually read my ramblings. Sorry if the formatting is weird, I typed it out in my phone. I hope you enjoyed this too long rant. And to anyone who disagrees with anything I said, I understand and respect your decision. But don’t be immature and rude about it, it’s not hard to debate people in an adult manner. We all have our own options and it’s fine to disagree but don’t be hurtful to those whose opinions differ for yours.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Hi I read in the faq your answer to someone about top surgery for fat ppl and I just want to ask for a bit more info... do you think i should wait until I lose weight first? Like I’m worried that even if I get surgery... I’m still going to be fat and then I’ll just have breasts still? Thank u! Sorry if this is a dumb question!

Lee says:

As long as you don’t have any serious health complications because of your weight, you can get top surgery.

Fat folk are probably going to have to get double incision top surgery, since their chest would be too large for a keyhole or periareolar, but they can get just as flat as anyone else with double incision.

It’s more likely you’ll get “dog ears” at the end of your scars towards your armpits, but that can be dealt with by getting a revision which is often free. Make sure you ask your top surgeon what their policy on revisions are, and what fees you’d have to pay if you needed one.

There can be some fatphobia when you’re looking for a top surgeon- there can be some increased risks for overweight people going under anesthesia, and some top surgeons use that as an excuse to turn down a patient even when it is possible for them to get surgery safely.

You may have to “surgeon shop” a bit to find a surgeon who is competent, capable and willing, but it’s possible and achievable! I have two fat trans guy friends who got top surgery in the past year, and they’re totally happy with their results.

Cancer-related mastectomies remove all of the tissue, while top surgery only removes like 90-95% of the breast/fat tissue and the last bit is used to create a “masculine” contour. So a complete mastectomy for cancer would result in a very flat, almost concave chest. You can see some examples of what “going flat” after a breast cancer related mastectomy looks like here.

There are some fat folks who choose to leave in a little more fat in their chest because they feel like the extra fullness fits their body type because some fat men have “moobs” but that’s a personal aesthetic choice and not required or something, and it’s possible to get a flat chest with top surgery if you tell the surgeon to make you flat. I do think the majority of folks choose to go fully flat, but there’s nothing wrong with choosing otherwise.

Because a typical trans double mastectomy leaves about 10% of the tissue in for contour, and a few fat folks opt for even more (although this isn’t common), it’s still possible for post-top surgery folks to get cancer in that tissue. That means top surgery may decrease the risk of breast cancer, but it won’t prevent breast cancer.

So you should still get mammograms if you are the age to start getting mammograms, or you should at least do self-checks. This is something you’ll have to talk to your doctor about, and see what they recommend!

On the website of one top surgeon, they said they took off enough tissue it was unlikely you’d get breast cancer, but another top surgeon’s website said that it’s still possible.

“Is top surgery the equivalent to a mastectomy? In short, NO. At least 10-20% of normal breast tissue is preserved in most patients, especially behind the central pedicle (by necessity), and peripherally by design, to avoid unnatural contour irregularities. In addition, the female genotype is generally still at play, and there is no evidence in the literature that the use of testosterone is protective against breast cancer. Therefore, we uniformly advise that all patients engage in self-breast exams (generally easier with less overall tissue remaining) and start getting mammograms when they would otherwise be recommended (generally starting at age 40), especially (and occasionally earlier) in patients with a strong family history of breast cancer, or positive genetic testing. If a breast cancer were to develop, this would likely be managed (by a surgical oncologist) as it would in any smaller-breasted patient.” -Source

I think it depends on what procedure you’re getting as well, like how an inverted-t incision might be a bit fuller than a double incision with grafts. This article says you might also want to be tested for BRCA gene mutations to help decide what kind of surgery you’ll get if there has been breast cancer in your family.

If you’re worried about getting breast cancer because you’ve tested positive for BRCA gene mutations or family members have gotten cancer, you may want a cancer preventative mastectomy where they take out all the tissue instead of a cosmetic mastectomy like they do for top surgery. If you don’t like that look, you may be able to get silicone pectoral implants once you’re fully healed. But the procedure and your options should be discussed with your treatment team, and this whole thing really only applies to folks who are at a high-risk for cancer so it’s something you could talk to your surgeon about at your consultation. 

Anyway, that’s a lil tangent. Top surgery (via double mastectomy) is pretty customizable in the amount of fat you choose to keep, so you can choose if you want a very flat chest, a more contoured chest, a breast reduction or “moob-like” chest because they’re doing large incisions which means they have lots of room to work with when it comes to excising the fat and using liposuction.

If you gain a lot of weight after top surgery your chest may get a little larger, but it won’t regrow to whatever your pre-surgery size was because the breast tissue has been removed.

You can see an example of a larger fellow who got a flat chest here, and another example here. It’s definitely possible for fat folks to get flat chests after top surgery if that’s what they want from the procedure! 

Trans Bucket has a ton of pics of this, but right now folks say the website seems to be acting up so your mileage may vary with getting an account.

The Facebook groups Top Surgery Support (removal/reduction) and Non-Binary Top Surgery both have a ton of pictures uploaded as well, but you can’t see any “before” pictures there because of Facebook’s NSFW ban. They’re still worth checking out though for the personal experiences, community, support, and post-op pics.

There are a lot of folks who find it really hard to lose weight even if you’re eating healthy and exercising and all that because the body really doesn’t want to lose weight, so waiting until you’ve lost a significant amount of weight might not be an ideal timeframe for getting surgery because you might find it really difficult to lose weight which means you’ll keep pushing back the process of getting surgery until an undetermined date in the future, and not having surgery or an idea of when you’ll be getting surgery can be bad for your mental health if you have a lot of dysphoria. 

And it may also be easier to start getting active when you’re healed from top surgery because you don’t have to worry about wearing sports bras or hiding your chest while in the gym and stuff.

Personally, my advice would be to start the process of getting surgery now if you know that it’s what you need. So that means finding a surgeon, getting your WPATH-compliant letter or whatever else your surgeon/insurance needs to perform/cover the procedure, and schedule a consultation. 

If your surgeon tells you at the consult that they are requiring you to lose weight before you get a surgery date, at least you’ll have an idea of how much weight you have to lose which can help direct your goal and keep you motivated. 

And you may also want to consider getting a second opinion with another surgeon too, which would be my recommendation if the first surgeon has a weight-loss condition before they’ll operate and you don’t think that goal is possible within a reasonable timeframe, because the second surgeon may be more comfortable with the risk and say that you can get surgery with them without losing weight.

Anyway, what you choose to do is up to you, but I’d try to get a consult ASAP and go ahead with surgery because if you don’t get completely flat after top surgery and you end up with dog ears or something, you can always get a revision.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to lose weight at the same time (in a healthy way with the guidance of your doctor) if it’s something you want to do, and trying to get started on both goals simultaneously is possible, but even if you don’t lose weight you can still get great top surgery results.

So you definitely can get a flat chest after top surgery even if you weigh a lot pre-op and have a big chest- I’ve seen it myself a ton of times!

[akatsuki-shin]

Review: 天官赐福 Tiān Guān Cì Fú (Heaven Official's Blessing)

Notes:

(Very) long post ahead

Contains spoiler

This is my personal review and does not represent the entire audience, you are free to agree or not agree with what I’ve written here

Feel free to reply/send me a message if there are things you want to discuss

Summary:

The most beloved Crown Prince, pride of the Kingdom of Xianle with abundance of talents and achievements, Xie Lian, ascended to Heaven and became a martial god at the young age of 17 on the path to fulfill his dream "to save the common people".

Three years after his ascension, he saw his kingdom beginning to decline and in order to save his beloved country, Xie Lian defied the rules of Heaven and descended back to the mortal realm. Nevertheless, instead of saving them, his interference ended up accelerating the fall of Xianle, annihilating the once prosperous nation under the war of rebellion and a mysterious, horrifying plague.

The people who once praised and worshipped him day and night now condemned him, his devotees left him, they burnt his temples and divine statues, and Xie Lian himself was ultimately banished from the Heaven.

He ascended for the second time a short while later, but was banished once more very soon after. Since then, he lived among the mortals - surviving by collecting junks as he was now branded as the "God of Misfortune", the "Scrap Collecting Immortal".

800 years later, Xie Lian ascended again for the third time. Though having neither temples nor devotees, he accepted his responsibility as a martial god and carried on with his duties until one day, there came a certain, incidental encounter with a mysterious youth clad in red.

STORY: 7/10

TGCF overall is an (almost) complete, satisfying read with well-written twists and development.

Unlike the two previous MXTX's novels, the main pairing here (HuaLian) did not have to go through complicated misunderstandings and is a beautiful representation of love and devotion. Of course, this means there is a lack of conflict between them, but considering all the trials and tribulations the characters have gone through, this lack of conflict feels like a relieving fresh spring amidst the painful and exhausting journey throughout the entire five books.

The best and my most favorite plot twist is the Earth Master Ming Yi having been dead for a while, and the "Ming Yi" we know turns out to be the Black Water Submerging Boats, He Xuan. I'm the kind of person who always suspects characters, but even my furthest suspicion was "only" him being the Reverend of Empty Words, not He Xuan.

Truthfully, prior to reading this novel, I've seen Shi Qingxuan's "MING-XIONG, I'M SORRY x9999" post before without context, and I thought Ming Yi was going to die a tragic death because of Shi Qingxuan. Turns out it's kind of the opposite, huh? Nice one, really.

I also like how each character's "end" feels satisfying. Especially for the villains, they didn't necessarily have to die some tragic, vengeful death, but was provided with an ending that perfectly fits their background story and deeds. For example, in most stories, a character like Xuan Ji would be most likely be given some well-deserved punishment as her death, given everything she's done. But no, in the end she was given a reality check and was finally able to let go of her hundreds of years grudge. And then Qi Rong - I will talk more about him later on in the "Character" section.

One part I really love is the Extra Chapter about the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods. The chapter itself overall is mostly nonsensical and chaotic, but it was just so touching when HuaLian created a "Little Hua Cheng" statue to accompany Xie Lian's "Crown Prince who Pleased the Gods" statue, especially when this Little Hua Cheng statue gave Crown Prince Xie Lian statue a flower, and then Crown Prince Xie Lian received it, lifted him up and carried him in his arms. This one was maybe a bit biased because as much as I love the current HuaLian, I have a special soft spot for the young Xie Lian carrying, cradling the little Hua Cheng back then in the past. ;v;

Though, with all due respect, I must say that TGCF is actually below my expectation.

The biggest issue I have with TGCF is... What is Xie Lian's motivation? What drives him to move forward in the story? What is even the whole story's purpose?

I'm not quite sure how to word this properly, but let me give some examples.

When you read Harry Potter, you know immediately that Voldemort is the bad guy and he must be defeated.

When you read the Lord of the Rings, you know immediately that the One Ring must be destroyed to prevent Sauron from regaining his power.

Or, in MXTX previous works...

In SVSSS, it was clear since the beginning that Shen Yuan's mission is to fix the "Proud Immortal Demon Way" if he wants to survive.

In MDZS, it was clear that Wei Wuxian, together with Lan Wangji's, needs to unravel the mystery behind that fierce left arm. All of their past stories and WangXian getting together in the end are just something they discovered along the way, not the initial "motivation" that drives the character to move forward.

What about TGCF? The Xie Lian who ascended for the third time actually looks like he just wants to go along with the flow, carrying out his duties day by day with responsibility. When Bai Wuxiang later, later, later on appeared to haunt him again, it didn't seem like Xie Lian has any ambition to hunt him down or exact a revenge, just that he wanted to forget about Bai Wuxiang and never recall anything about him ever again. The main character looks like he's not being driven by anything, just...carrying on where the plot takes him? It's just missions after missions and whatever huge things happening in between is just something they accidentally passed by along the way.

At this point, the only purpose of the story I can think of is bringing Hua Cheng and Xie Lian together. The romance is great, I have no complain. But if it's just that, no need to jammed-pack 250+ chapters just to make two people getting together?

Speaking of which, I also think that the way new characters keep being introduced all the way to almost the final showdown of the story feels info dump-ish, because the background story needs to be dropped there along with the characters, but then most of these characters fade away immediately after.

For example, the previous Civil God before Ling Wen, who looks like he’s going to pose some real trouble, but then was easily defeated and was never mentioned again afterwards. And this is especially true for He Xuan; after such a huge arc where he committed such extreme things, after that he was barely mentioned again, even having his “strong impression” leveled down by the joke about him being the poorest Calamity and owing lots of debts to Hua Cheng.

Basically what makes TGCF a long story is because there are too many stories about the side characters in addition to the main characters that are dumped out of the blue instead of slowly being revealed along the way.

Though, I love how the story gradually unravels the "Four Famous Tales" because initially, I thought it wasn't something crucial, and I wished they could've done this for other characters, too.

There is a little bit of plot holes here and there, as in who actually cut open Jian Lan/Lan Chang's baby and made it a ghost, and for what? Even if it turned out that she just met a bad guy or nobody important, at least provide an explanation in one paragraph? Especially because important side characters like Feng Xin and Mu Qing are involved here, so I'm pretty sure us readers need some explanation.

And more importantly, how can Jun Wu become the Emperor martial god? There's no mention about him ascending, only that he annihilated a dynasty of gods before sitting on the throne of the Great Martial Hall. But how can he, like, emitted god-like aura and not some evil aura? Is it because he used to be a god? But he's a ghost? Explanation where???

The gags and comedies are pretty fun, but honestly, the more I read, the more they ruin the atmosphere and suspense, added with the uncalled PDA between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian even during the most important moments. Honestly, I was bored the fuck out of my life from the moment they start fighting Jun Wu with those divine gundams, and only start gaining interest again much later on when Hua Cheng dissipated into butterflies.

Not saying the story's bad. Just... It's not up to my expectation... Characters being inserted here and there with a bunch of background story, gags and a show of PDA being flaunted during crucial moments. And when Mei Nianqing started telling the truth about the Kingdom of Wuyong, that's just plain info dump right there, seriously...

CHARACTERS: 7/10

Interesting characters, but only a few bore a lasting impression on me. Other than the main characters, which are Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, the only side characters (minus Bai Wuxiang as the main villain) who left quite some impression on me were probably just Feng Xin and Mu Qing.

Pei Ming is okay, at least he is still memorable until the end, and his character improved, too.

He Xuan, after having been introduced with such extreme, after his arc is over, was easily forgotten just like that.

Mei Nianqing, is borderline Deus Ex-Machina with a huge chunk of info dump that could solve everything, then he stopped being useful for the rest of the story.

Shi Qingxuan... Honestly, he's almost annoying, too noisy. I don’t hate him (and I kind of like him initially), but the way his character was being handled and presented post-Black Water arc feels disappointingly lazy and he was just there to make the party more merry.

Xie Lian himself, as the protagonist, how do I say this... This is maybe due to the translator's writing style (not MXTX’s fault), but whenever he screams in all capslock, it feels too extreme and borderline OOC? Of course, the original novel written in hanzi couldn't have included capslock.

What's great about him, though, is that despite all he'd gone through, he can still retain a pure heart and could not be swayed to be evil, just as he himself said "Body in the abyss, heart in paradise".

Now Hua Cheng, he is overall a super interesting character and I personally love this type of male characters. But he seriously is way too OP, almost like the original Luo Binghe (Bing-ge) a.k.a. too ideal, too perfect, no flaws, always capable of easily finding a way out in every single peril. I only forgive him for being like this because he dissipated into butterflies at the end of the battle with Jun Wu, making me think "oh, finally he's actually not invincible".

Still, his devotion to Xie Lian is very well written, very well presented, and his "I am forever your most devoted believer" is just downright the most powerful line in the whole story.

Now I promised to talk about Qi Rong, yeah? I haven't the slightest idea why it is even necessary to have Qi Rong as the Night-touring Green Lantern. I mean, yes he is there to make up the number of the Four Great Calamities, but that was for the characters who live in that world. As the novel's reader, I don't see any particularly important roles there for Qi Rong other than being an annoying meme fodder despite his actually pretty-cool first foreshadowing and appearance? Even his issue with Lang Qianqiu does not seem to give that much impact on the overall story, it could've just passed simply being explained in several pages.

Though I'd say he's got the best character development compared to others. Instead of dying as some hateful villain, the way he ended up deciding to protect Guzi at the cost of his own life can already be expected from miles away, but still bittersweet and touching nonetheless - how this crazed, mental person could still love when being presented with such pure, innocent feelings to the point that he acknowledged Guzi as a his own son.

By the way, E Ming and Ruoye are cute, I take no criticism.

TECHNICAL ASPECTS: 8/10

I can't really describe this with words, but MXTX's overall writing technique has greatly improved since MDZS.

It feels more "solid" to read instead of scattered here and there.

The info distribution has improved (fewer info dump compared to before), the story's no longer switching between past and present all of a sudden.

Description of characters and environment are sufficient, the plot is progressing steadily.

Several issues I have with this aspect though, the Prologue being ten pages is just way too long, I don't think I need that much information being stuffed right to my face right from the beginning.

There are excessive use of "Turns out..." every single time an explanation is going to come.

"Xie Lian didn't know whether he should cry or laugh" is honestly has been used probably more than 50 times just in the last two books. Although I'm reading a translation, I'm pretty sure the original Chinese version is being repetitive with this phrase, as well, because the translators couldn't just whip up any other phrase from thin air and put it in someone else's novel.

Almost half of scene transition is always caused by some sudden, external disturbance like "All of a sudden they heard someone's coming", "All of a sudden X visits their room", etc.

OVERALL SCORE: 7.3/10

Worth to read, satisfying overall. The main pairing's love story is just so well written and sweet. As long as you can withstand the violence and gore, though. 😂

TGCF highlights perhaps one of the ugliest natures of mankind: Being nice to someone as long as they're beneficial, and immediately throwing them away once the benefit was no more.

Once that person does not seem to be beneficial anymore, everyone would leave them instantly, even turning on them and start spitting on them without even trying to understand the reason why said person "stopped being beneficial".

Both as a Crown Prince and a martial god, Xie Lian and the Crown Prince of Wuyong were praised, revered, worshipped by the citizens of Xianle and Wuyong respectively. Because they were always helping, always fulfilling the people's wishes. But how easily it was for those very same people to turn on Xie Lian and the Crown Prince of Wuyong when they encountered misfortunes, completely turning a blind eye to the laborious effort both characters have been putting to save them from annihilation, even if it was visible in broad daylight.

It is also worth to note another trait of mankind that this story underlines: To always find a scapegoat or blame others for one's own misfortune and failure - be it another human being, another group of people, the government, even the gods - after having taking their generosity for granted.

Which is why I think the true villain of the story is not Bai Wuxiang, but those citizens of the ancient Wuyong who were now nothing more than resentful spirits eternally burning within the lava of Tonglu Mountain - a well deserved punishment after what they did to their Crown Prince.

[kylosupremeimagines]

Charlie Barber NSFW A-Z

(Special thanks to @driversmutbucket​ for lending me a helping hand with this! I think that the things we did with this turned out great, especially what they wrote!) 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) Charlie loves to bask in post-orgasm bliss with you. Just laying together silently, drawing soft patterns on your skin. If it isn’t in the bedroom/home (which sometimes it certainly isn’t), a post-shag cigarette (a social smoker only since Henry was born) or drink at a bar where he can hold your hand and whisper sweet sentiments in your ear. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Charlie is a breast man. He loves grazing his fingers over your clothed breasts discreetly in public. He loves coming up behind you at home and creeping his hands up your top and just cupping them. When you sleep he will spoon you and cradle your tit. When you have sex his mouth and hands are all over them, kneading, sucking, squeezing and flicking your nipples. He will run his cock over them and between them - almost cumming on the spot if you let him titty fuck you. Charlie doesn’t look in the mirror often, he isn’t egotistical about his looks. His favorite body parts of his own are his hands, how big they look against yours, how one splayed covers a lot of your stomach or your ass. How much of your breast he can fit into his grasp. He is very visual, after all. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person) Charlie prefers his cum inside you, your mouth, your pussy, your ass, he doesn’t care. But he prefers not to cum on you, or on himself. A neat and tidy person by nature, this extends to his bedroom preferences, having to clean up cum ruins the post-orgasmic bliss. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He would love to have another woman join you in the bedroom but doesn’t know how to ask, just yet. It’s a matter of time before you come across his pornhub history and figure it out. Maybe he will just leave it up purposely for you to find... E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) As much as any typical guy in their mid-30s. He certainly gained experience when he studied performing arts, before meeting his ex-wife. He knows what he is doing, his confidence growing when you give him feedback. F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual) Any position where he can get his hands, or mouth on your breasts. Particularly fond of any variation of cowgirl, on the bed, sofa, chair, floor… G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) It can go either way with Charlie, sometimes you’ll laugh and giggle like teenagers, especially if fooling around in a public or semi-public place. Other times Charlie can be very serious, whispering sweet declarations of love and affection.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) Trimmed, neat and tidy, no fro’s to be found here. I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) For the latter years of his marriage, he felt as if his sex life was lacking, and since then he didn’t get much action as he prefers not to have one night stands with people he doesn’t know. But when he gets to know you enough and grows close to you, as soon as you get involved with one another, he’s going to treat you as perfectly as he can. Charlie will fulfill your every sexual need and desire, making sure that you’re as pleased as can be. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) Charlie had to rely on masturbation for a while, seeing as how Nicole barely - if at all - satisfied him for about a year before the divorce started. And as soon as it did, he couldn’t really rely on others doing it for him. Thus he resorted to masturbation. He’d mostly do it when Henry isn’t with him at his apartment, and will get really into it. Why not treat yourself right? He’d do everything to get into the mood, such as turn down the lights and put on some of his favorite porn. As he’s actually doing it, it’ll pretty much be what you expect. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) Charlie isn’t heavily into any kinks in particular but is partial to switching, age play, light BDSM and breeding kink. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do) Not that he’s too mum of a traditionalist, but Charlie prefers to have sex in his bed, or somewhere around the house when Henry isn’t around. It allows for privacy so that you can get as wild as you want, and there’s no risk of anyone walking in on you. M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) You caring for and nurturing his son, Henry, does things for him. Parenting is important to Charlie because his own parents were absent and problematic. When you treat Henry like your own, it makes Charlie want to rip your clothes off and show you how much he appreciates you. Not to mention knock you up with your own baby.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) He would despise someone who is too self centered and mostly cares about their own sexual needs, and not his own as well. He thinks it’s only fair to be concerned with what you both want. With that being said, he also doesn’t like when his partner is too demanding of him. Of course he wouldn’t mind if you get a bit dominant, but if you don’t let  him have any say from time to time, that’s when he’s going to be turned off. O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) Oh boy, Charlie loves receiving oral,especially with its unexpected and you suddenly are on your knees and pulling at the waistband of his trousers. He also loves eating you out, how his whole mouth can fit over your vulva and your reactions to his tongue. He is skilled at oral sex, especially once he learns what you like. P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) It all really depends on the mood. Sometimes he will be on the slower side when he just wants to show his love for you. He will cherish every second, being more romantic than usual. Other times when you both really just need it, he will be fast and rough enough to leave you sore in the morning. However, most of the time it will be a good mixture of both. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) Sometimes you’ve just got to settle with a quickie. When it’s needed while either of you are in a rush, then he’s more than happy to do one with you. Even if it’s just quick, he’s still going to be doing wonders to you that will have you wanting more. R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) After spending the majority of the few years before meeting you in a rocky, mostly sexless marriage, Charlie was making up for it now. Role playing, different fetishes - he would try it, if it wasn’t for you, you would usually fall in a pile in raptures of laughter (like the time you tried to play teacher/student and you couldn’t keep a straight face when you forgot basic times tables). S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) If Charlie is really into it, then he could go on for a while, no matter how many rounds you want to go for. His desire to satisfy you is more than enough to keep him going in bed. T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) Charlie doesn’t really like to use toys on himself, because he can handle good old masturbation when it’s just him. However, when it comes to you, if you have any toys of your own, then he’s more than happy to use them on you. If it’s something common like a dildo or vibrator, he probably would know how to use it. If it’s something a little less common, then he may need you to explain how you like it to be used on you. But no worries, in no time he would be able to get the hang of it! U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) He’s teased his son for years to entertain him when things got boring or he wanted to make him laugh, but he can translate that into sexual teasing for you. He won’t ever become too overbearing with it to the point it turns you off. While out in public, he may whisper things to get you in the mood for sex later back at him. Or he’ll teasingly make you wait for intimacy to see how long it takes for you to cave in for it. V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) When Henry is home, of course he’s going to try to be quiet as to not lead the boy to figure out what’s going on. But when it’s just you two in the apartment, he isn't’t going to hold back. Charlie will moan with every little pleasure, signifying that he’s enjoying what’s happening. He’ll also grunt while he’s the one pumping in and out of you. He’ll also say things such as “you like that?” in a low voice, just barely loud enough for you to hear. W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) At first, he was worried that he would not be good enough in bed since nicole was the last one that he was intimate with, and it wasn’t the best in his last year of marriage. He was self conscious at first but after the beginning of your sexual relationship, he got right back into it and was more than confident with pleasuring you beyond belief. X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) He is l o n g. Uncircumcised. To be honest he has a really pretty dick, never had you found a penis so blimmin’ appealing. He is the first person you have slept with who has been able to hit that sweet spot. You tell him that all the time, usually in between moans. Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) Especially after the time he had been without much sex during the last year of his marraige as well as until he got together with you, he’s going to havea pretty high sex drive for a while. He won’t get too crazy and demand it, but you’ll be having sex at least a few times a week if you can manage it; and boy would it be so worth it to be intimate with him.Z =

ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) After Charlie has satisfied you enough, he will want to hold you close and take in the soft moment after having gone full in with sex. Content himself, he will end up falling asleep as long as you’re in bed together, knowing how well things went.

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock! (Part 5 of many, and MASSIVE, I MEAN, HUMOUNGOUS SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 2 and the 1970’s Warlock)

Awwwwwwwww yeah we are going there, these compositions are most definitely on purpose.

This is where I realize that my true purpose in this world is to draw and talk about obscure or forgotten works of fiction, and I embrace this destiny. 

Ladies and gents, laughing times are over (not really though), sh*t gets very real again.

I guess it’s a bit late for this but if you have even the slightest interest in checking any of these properties out, do yourself a favor and go experience them first hand. If you just want to see me lose my mind and don’t really care about spoilers then please, proceed.

You know, when I started this little crossover of sorts, I was just having a laugh you know? It was just a cute little thing, I’ll write this one post and maybe I’ll get enough material for a second one and that’s it. THIS IS THE SEVENTH POST (even though it says Part 5). 

Never, and I do mean never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here one day, talking about having your past and your time-travelling-future selves meet and clash, of seeing your sanctimonious attitude and overall the worst about yourself personified and given free reign to go on bloodthirsty crusades showing off how much of a hypocrite you’ve bee- but wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. 

I’ll get there I promise, let’s go back a bit.

Where we last left off, we managed to travel back to an even more distant past than we’ve been before. To the time of the great Vampire Purge, so that Raziel can meet this infamous ancient vampire who knows all the lore and might have the answers we seek on what exactly is causing the corruption of our world.

As we step out into this era of History we notice the fields covered with the Sarafan Order banners, and the impaled corpses and chopped-off heads of vampires. No different no doubt from the kindness vampires showed mankind later when they gained the upper hand during Kain’s 1.000 year old reign. Raziel seems a bit distraught by the sight since he assumed the Sarafan to be virtuous and heroic:

“For all the butchery of Moebius’s crusade, this massacre was somehow more chilling. The killing fields of the Sarafan betrayed a kind of orderly ruthlessness, the cold-blooded righteousness of the true believer.”

“Here at last in the flesh, I beheld my former brothers-in-arms, the warrior-priests of the Sarafan order; their lives devoted solely to the annihilation of the vampire plague. And while I confess I felt a twinge of longing, a pang of grief for what I had believed was my lost virtue, I regarded them now with none of the reverence I formally felt. For I had seen the human face of the vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these men.”

While on the topic of genocidal holy wars, my boy Adam here had a bit of a run with a similar pious little group that goes by the name of Universal Church of Truth, who were going about doing a bit of cleaning throughout the galaxy:

Things don’t go so well:

Interestingly enough, I’ve learned of a deleted cutscene for Soul Reaver 2 that plays out very similarly to Adam’s first encounter with this “holy” order. There was this minor female vampire character that was being hunted down and would be executed by vampire hunters right in front of Raziel.

This scene was probably removed because they knew that almost 20 years later there would be some asshole on the internet trying to compare their games to obscure marvel comics of the 70’s.

But yeah bummer for Adam here, we’re a couple of pages in and he’s already failed to save someone. However, through the power of the Soul Gem, he’s able to retain her soul for a brief moment, letting us know more about these holy inquisitors:

Some of these methods don’t seem that far off from the Sarafan, especially on the twisting of good intentions part, but on a galactic scale:

Aye, a great bunch o’ fellas all around, if you submit and “fit in”:

Damn.

Hush Adam, I’ll get back to your predicament give me a moment. I just want the good people at home to keep both this church and the Magus, the god they worship in mind for later.

Now, back to the game. In the Sarafan Stronghold during the first hour of gameplay, Raziel made comments on the vampire he’s currently seeking while looking at some stained glass depictions:

“So this was the legendary Janos Audron - reputed to have been the most ancient and diabolical vampire to have ever existed. According to folklore, he lived high in the cliffs of Nosgoth’s northern mountains, and preyed mercilessly on the defenseless villagers below. His reign of terror ended when the Sarafan finally hunted him down and tore his throbbing heart from his still-living body. (…) But I wondered - could Janos Audron truly have been as monstrous as depicted here? Or was this merely artistic licence by the Sarafan, who sought to lionize themselves by demonizing their darkest enemy?

Keep these stained glass images in mind, they’ll also be important shortly. Neetheless to say, the hype was very real to meet this Janos Audron.

And as I kept hearing about this gentleman, I thought: “I really love this cast of pricks, where everyone speaks in half truths and is hiding something and has some hidden agenda, but you know, I kind of wish there was some slim ray of hope, of goodness and honor, just some good old plain chivalry and honesty. Maybe this Janos lad won’t be as bad as he was depicted back in the Sarafan Stronghold.” 

It took us a while but we’re finally make it to his retreat.

I really love the entire segment, the hopelessness and feeling of dread while making your way through this place, probably my favourite puzzle area of the game.  I also really love the music and architecture here.

When we do make it to the top, BOY OH BOY were my prayers answered!

Lo and behold, enter Raziel’s new daddy/mentor figure, my man JANOS AUDRON! Proabably the one decent and kind creature I’ve seen yet in these games (if you don’t count helpless human npcs who are just trying to live their lives but are caught in all these wars, slaughter and destruction).

FINALLY an understanding, moderate, compassionate man in the midst of all the lies and deception. I love him! Oh and he has what seems to be a Romanian accent. Maybe a nod to the granddaddy of all vampires: Dracula? I think his design is cool as well, so that helps.

Before we go into huge lore dumps and while on the topic of having a brief father/mentor figure for your protagonist when he’s utterly lost, alone and confused, I thought I’d bridge it with Adam’s own once foster parent, the High Evolutionary:

From the few minutes you get to know these dads they’re very different characters with different backstories and motivations. Janos is this sad lonely old man, the last of the ancient vampires and one who has been keeping himself alive solely for his sense of duty. 

While the High Evolutionary was once a man called Herbert Wyndham who performed an experiment that evolved him into a godlike being. This experience proved to be such an assault on his senses and perceptions that he chose to encase himself in this armour. Like the name suggests he is obsessed with genetic manipulation and tampering of various kinds, it is his life’s ambition. 

Despite his somewhat villainous appearance, he’s never portrayed as such from what little I’ve read, he’s just…a bit creepy. Like, he takes Adam in and is super stoked about adopting him, but he also values him not so much as a person per se as you and me would, but more as one would value an impressivly carved piece of work:

I don’t know, maybe it’s his metal face that doesn’t emote much; his sometimes questionable morality; maybe it’s the fact that Adam was 5 years old at this point, a baby boy, and this pink armoured deity is super hyped about him; there’s something a bit unsettling about this guy. Have some more dubious quotes I’ve stumbled upon:

All in all, I think he did care about him, in his own strange way:

Anyway, what’s important is that these adoptive dads serve a somewhat similar purpose, and that is to push/urge our ”“”“"heroes”“”“” (I say with many quotation marks) into a more benevolant role: to guide them in their messianic mission and save a corrupted world. Basically there to provide a chance for them to be good boys. Up until now their track record leaves much to be desired, and they’ve been quite lost on what they’re supposed to be and do.

Raziel:

“So it’s all true, then - what Kain and Vorador have told me - I really am some kind of unholy vampire messiah…”

Janos:

“Unholy? -no. Messiah… perhaps.”

Raziel:

“I don’t like that word - it smells of martyrdom.”

Janos:

“Raziel, your role in this world’s destiny is more crucial - and more benevolent - than you’ve allowed yourself to believe. Your journey will not be easy - dark powers are allied against you.”

Oh and both dads give their sons their toys (Soul Reaver and Soul Gem):

Back to the meeting with Janos, we finally learn tons of things, both new and others that have been hinted at throughout, namely:

Janos has been living a life of a recluse, alone, on top of the Aerie;

Janos knows of Raziel (some old legend I think) and has been waiting for him to hand him over the Soul Reaver, saying it is the key to save Nosgoth;

The Pillars of Nosgoth were erected by the ancient vampires and they were the rightful guardians. Janos was called to be th 10th guardian, the Keeper of the Reaver;

Over time this ancient race started to die out, with their history slowly being forgotten;

Humanity prospered and since the Pillars choose their guardians from birth and vampires were no longer born, humans were called to be their guardians but were “wholly ignorant of their true purpose.”

The Circle of human guardians is led to believe (by whom we do not yet know) that vampires are a cancer in the world. Janos warns that “with their vampire purge, the members of the Circle have assaulted the very architects of the Pillars they are sworn to protect (…) With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats.”

Janos being a cool level-headed guy here when Raziel says he must hate mankind for all the suffering they’ve brought to him:

“They fear what they don’t understand; and they despise what they fear. But no - I do not hate them.”

I find it funny how Raziel asks if humanity should be forgiven for trying to exterminate the vampire kind and doesn’t realize that: one, he himself was exterminating vampires just a couple of moments ago back in SR1; and two, how he is just like how Janos describes humanity to be:

“They don’t understand what they’re doing. They are simply unenlightened… and vulnerable to manipulation.”

Again, this last line, completely unlike a certain blue shambling corpse I know. Not like him AT ALL.

Then, as they head inside, we learn something odd as Janos presents Raziel with the Reaver. You see, the two times Raziel has been close to the Soul Reaver still in its physical form, reality started to bend and distort (I show it off in this previous post). 

When we met Kain and decided not to kill him, he explained that when: “two incarnations of the blade meet in time and space, a paradox is  created, a temporal distortion powerful enough to derail history”

This distortion, or sense of displacement however, is nowhere to be found now when Janos presents the blade to him. Raziel feels nothing and says that “this nothingness is somehow worse…” and to get it away from him.

We learn the Reaver was forged by the same ancient vampire race that erected the Pillars (which we’ve seen hinted at when we explored the land and came accross all sorts of old murals).

But now THIS is when the game first impales me through the heart.

Me and Janos are interrupted by the Sarafan warriors who arrive carrying Moebius’ Staff (which disables vampires to the point of being barely able to move at all).

And of course! OF COURSE! Of course the moment my boy Raziel finds a truly positive influence in his life to guide and enlinghten him, and that was willing to put himself in danger in order to save him… he is axed! HEART RIPPED FROM HIS CHEST!

And by whom you ask? Who would do such a deed and kill my last ray of hope?

WHY, ME! 

TWICE!

“Me” because I was the one to open an entrance to Janos’ up until then impenetrable retreat, and literally me: human Raziel of the Sarafan that lived during this time period and was head inquisitor!

A bit different from what was depicted back at the Sarafan Stronghold, we found several centuries later (putting the same image here again so you don’t have to scroll up to compare, am I swell or what?):

The Sarafan escape with Janos’ heart and the Reaver, while wraith Raziel has a final moment with Janos. 

This part destroys me:

Raziel:

“Forgive me; I’m sorry… I failed you.”

Janos: (gently)

“No, Raziel. Perhaps this was my true purpose - simply to save your life this once.”

Raziel: (distraught)

“While I have taken yours…”

That last bit is probably my favourite line-read in the entire series so far (which is the most impossible thing to choose since there are so many great ones). But I think it’s the overwhelming sadness in Raziel’s voice that makes it memorable, you’ve never seen him feel like this for another creature.

Breaks my stone hardened heart every time I listen to it. And here’s why I think it’s an effective emotional scene, even though we only get a few minutes with Janos before he is murdered - it is because of contrast. Up until now everyone you meet is some degree of a bad or manipulative person, and you don’t really have a true friend or someone to confide in, there’s no one that really brings out the best in Raziel and it sucks because there is potential there.  So when you introduce the apparently only decent and noble person in this god forsaken land and you’re so used to by now suspect and mistrust everyone, it is impactful because he was truth and honesty in a sea of deception and moral relativism. He was my light in the midst of the fog and the one who saw good in me. And right when you’re finally relaxing and getting confortable the game pulls the rug from under you.

Now, while on the topic of having your past and future meet, there was a little something about the meeting between Adam and the Universal Church of Truth that I’ve been saving up until now. If you remember, Adam was interrogating the young woman who was killed by the inquisitors about the church and the god they worship. When suddenly:

Good news is, Adam must’ve taken a left turn somewhere and ended up on the set for “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, where he learned some latin:

This helped him quickly figure out the Magus’ identity:

Learn your dead tongues kids, you never know when it might come in handy when meeting your time travelling, thousands of years old future-self:

So as you can se, we have a similar self-discovery journey going on but reversed in a way. In Raziel’s case you play as his future self, who time travels back in time, meets his past self and sees what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. In Adam’s case you follow his present self, who meets the Magus (his future self), who has travelled back in time 5.000 years, in which time he has built his empire. Meeting and confronting said empire/future self, leads Adam to see what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. You see, both Adam and Raziel have always been their own worst enemy (their own shortcomings and character flaws). So it would be only natural that we get embodiments of the worst in them: Raziel, the human Sarafan Warrior and the Magus, their past and future selves respectively.

Oof, this was a long one, and I’ve reach the character limit. In the next post I’ll elaborate more on their characters and different selves; and we go through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the endgame for both these stories.

Look foward to me losing my mind even further while I go into time travelling, paradox shenanigans… oh, and look foward to happier times with COSMIC SUICIDE! See you in the near future.