#rabid dipper pines

[spaceumbredoggos]

So Mych For Stardust Chapter Twenty

I woke up at noon, checking in on Dipper. He was passed out in his deer form, nuzzling my wing. I yawned, transforming back into human form and checking my phone. Finding nothing important, I nudged Dipper awake.

“Wah…” Dipper rose his head groggily as I tried to transform back into umbredpggo form. “What happened last night.”

“There’s nothing to worry about.” But Dipper wasn’t buying it. His fur bristled and his ears swiveled back to the sides of his head. “Wait, I never was able to move my ears before.”

Shit. Dipper tried to stand up on two legs, but face planted with his antlers into the bed. “What happened to me? Why do I have antlers?”

“Remember that bite wound that’s on your torso when you’re a human.”

“You mean I’m not a human right now?” I shook my head calmly, trying to stroke Dipper to calm him down. “You have rabies. And you have a tendency to transform into a weredego. Werewolf Wendigo. This is why you look like a cross between a wolf and a deer right now. You’ll eventually be able to control this, but it’s important that you rest and don’t freak out.”

“Don’t freak out? How can I not freak out? I’m a monster.”

“Believe me. I’ve been there.” I took a deep breath, holding Dipper to calm him down. “You’re kinda cured of rabies, but you still go through rabid phases. That explains the gap in your memory, as well as the attacks.”

“Attacks?” I kept trying to stroke Dipper to prevent another rabid phase. “Easy. Any intense emotion can bring back another rabid phase. Calm down. Take a deep breath. In. And out. And in…” I noticed that Dipper was able to swallow his own saliva again, causing me to breathe a sigh of relief. “Because your throat can still spasm, you’re going to be on a liquid diet for a while.”

Dipper started whining and getting more agitated. “Easy. Easy.”

“Don’t ’easy easy’ me!!”

I rolled my eyes, noticing Dipper’s hackles raise. “Dipper. I know you’re scared and confused. But some day, you’ll be able to control this.”

Dipper snarled, his mouth starting to froth again. The kid’s gonna starve himself to death if he can’t learn to calm himself down on his own soon. I felt myself transform into my umbredoggo form, arching defensively and preparing for Dipper’s next attack. Dipper snarled as I fanned out my wings. “I see you. You’re agitated. You’re scared. You don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been there. Just calm down and I can get you something to drink. How about some choccy milk?”

Dipper charged, locking antlers with me. I stood still as stone, digging my claws into the floor. I stood there, letting Dipper tire himself out falling and trying to get his antlers unstuck. The froth disappeared from his mouth as he turned his head away. He growled once before bolting away. I dashed after him. “Where are you going?”

“Leave me alone!!”

“I can’t! If you bite someone, they’ll get rabies too. Unless they get a bunch of shots.”

“I thought I was cured!”

“You still carry the virus in your saliva. I’m immune, so I have to be around you at all times so that when you get that bitey urge, you bite me. And not Mabel or Stan or Ford or—“

Dipper tackled me against the wall. “You can fight me all you want on this, but it won’t help. You can fight against the virus. Even though it will always be in your system, it doesn’t have to control you.” I drooped my ears, flailing to get out of Dipper’s grasp.

I heard a knock on the door. “In a minute. I’m dealing with something.” But the door opened anyways. It was Eda. “Quick question.”

“Yeah?” Eda chuckled at the sight of me being pinned at the wall. “This isn’t some kinky shit. Dipper and I are frenemies. He’s got rabies and, can witches catch rabies?”

“No.” I turned around and tackled Dipper, trying to calm him down. “Is there a witchy way you can snap anyone out of rabies?” I panted, my ears drooping. “I want to help him. And I want him to be okay. I want him to not need me. I want him to be okay, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever have that. I want all these things because it tears me apart to see someone stripped of their autonomy due to circumstances outside their control like that.” I held the tears in as Dipper started to calm down. He noticed the tears welling in my eyes and nuzzled my chest. “Dipper. Your antlers are poking me.”

“Kenz.” Dipper’s eyes widened. I let him go and noticed him turn back human. I did the same and collapsed in exhaustion, panting and sweating. “Kenz Kenz Kenz!!!”

“Dipper, you’re gonna get exhausted a lot doing this.” He blushed as I accidentally leaned against him. “Kenz, you keep putting yourself through way too much abuse.”

“It’s not like you could’ve helped it at the time.” I tried to keep my resolve, but almost broke down remembering the trauma from when I used to lose control with my meltdowns when I was a kid. “You treat the symptoms as is with no hard feelings. I understand that you’re feeling off, and it terrified you that you just lost control like that. I’d act like a total jackass too. Because I’ve been there. I’ve scared myself with my own actions. But now I know it’s not me. Just like it’s not you.”

Dipper helped me up to the bed. “Eda, can you get a box of Choccy Milk from the fridge? I’d get it myself, but Dipper tore a hole in my leg with his antlers and I think he hit something that’s a little important given how dizzy I feel.” I leaned on Dipper as the room started spinning. “Kenz!!!” Dipper gazed at the wound on my leg. I noticed him immediately try to stop the bleeding with a bunch of towels. He took his shirt off and tied it around the towels as a makeshift tourniquet. “Dipper. Don’t take your shirt off. You’re not helping the romance allegations.”

Dipper blushed and patted my head. “What’s wrong? Can’t handle yourself—“

I bit his hand. “Fuck!!!” He burst out laughing as I let go. “Who’s the jackass now?”

“There’s nothing between us. We’re friends.”

“I see you blushing.”

“Oh, so you really want this, eh?” I pinned him down, glaring at him intimidatingly. He blushed and caressed my face. Well, there’s only one way to teach him this lesson. I pressed my lips against his, kissing him passionately. Dipper pinned me down and nibbled on my neck. I nuzzled him, purring.

I heard a knock on the door and Dipper and I immediately stopped what we were doing. “Nothing happened.”

“Yeah.” Dipper gazed into my eyes. Eda walked in with the choccy milk. “See Kenz? The cure to rabies isn’t venom. It’s love.”

“Shut the fuck up. We’re only friends.”

“Yeah!!! Just friends!!!” Dipper bashed me with his pillow as I burst out laughing. “I still hate your guts.”

“The feelings mutual.” I gazed into his brown eyes. “Kenz.”

“What?”

“You know your neck is full of hickeys and there’s a massive bite mark on Dipper’s neck.” Eda said in a matter of fact tone. I sat up, moving to the other side of the bed. Dipper laughed. “Pacifica’s gonna kill me.”

It was in that instant that my heart tore in half. “Dipper, about that…” I sighed, meeting him in the eye. “The virus, still being in your system, can be spread through semen and saliva. You could give Pacifica rabies. I already briefed her about the implications of this.”

Dipper narrowed his eyes. “Was this your plan all along? With your umbredoggo form?”

“Did you think I would seriously hit on you the moment I moved in?”

“But you were in heat.”

“I was with Bee the entire time.” I snarled, glaring at Dipper back. “So that’s what you are? A—“

I growled lowly. “Whatever. Spread your rabies to the entire house for all I care. You’re not having me to yourself.”

“I’d say the same to you if it wasn’t such a horrible way to die.”

“So you’re guilt tripping me?”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“My problem is that you think that because you have this oh so dark and tragic past that you can—“

“Say it!!!” I started to fume, glaring at Dipper. He shook, then punched me in the jaw. I was knocked backwards into the floor. “You know what? Forget it. We’re both idiot teenagers who don’t know what the fuck to do with ourselves. Taken advantage of by biology and terrible circumstances. If you wanna shame me for that, then go ahead. But for the record. I wasn’t gonna fuck you. I never wanted to fuck you. You were the one who started this by tenderly touching my face. If there was anyone who wanted someone’s ass, it was you.”

“I’m not arguing with you about this.” Dipper snarled, causing me to lunge at him. I held back, but Dipper didn’t flinch. He glared at me as I held back the tears. “This isn’t you.” I sighed.

“Why do you keep saying that??”

“We never even had any romantic feelings toward each other before you got infected with rabies. You change from horny ass fucker to snapping Rottweiler in the blink of an eye. This isn’t you. Rabies just causes violent personality changes because the virus scrambles the brain.”

“You can keep telling yourself that to dodge the responsibility of your actions.”

“What actions?” For a second, I thought I saw Dipper’s eyes flash yellow. I froze in fear, almost seeing two Dippers. The second, more translucent Dipper was tearing up, just as shocked as I was. I shook and turned around. Of course this behavior is familiar. I curled up on the bed, flashing back to all the fights Bill and I went through. Then all the times him and I would make out or fuck to make up for it. I remembered all the times my dad and step mom would fight, then make the house shake making up. I turned and fled, tears streaming down my face. There’s gotta be another cure for this.

It was at that moment that Eda figured it out too. Her face was stricken with horror beyond comprehension. I bolted in my umbredoggo form towards the lake. I noticed a group of cats walking around. I paused, sniffing the air. There’s cat scent everywhere.

The group of cats from before noticed me. The head of the group, a battlescarred grey and white tabby she cat with ice blue eyes, flared her ragged pelt out and snarled. “ThunderClan! There’s a fox on our territory!!!”

“Fox?” I backed away slowly, sniffing around to find the border. Cats flanked me at all sides, snarling. “It talks?” A golden tabby tom with a lion’s mane and golden eyes flared out his pelt and tackled me, pinning me to the ground. He sounds like Stan.

“What kind of fox has antlers?”

“Look at the claws on this thing. And what’s those thorns on their wrists and tail?”

“And wings like a bat? Are you seeing this, Ivypool?”

The whole group erupted into chatter. I was pinned down by the golden tabby tom, his claws digging into my pelt. I panted as the grey and white she cat walked up to meet my gaze. “What is your name?”

I tried to play dumb, making a couple of fox noises. “We know you can talk. What is your name?”

Does being an umbredoggo mean I understand cats? I panted, drooping my ears to the sides of my head. “I-I’m Kenz. I’m just passing through. Usually, cats run away from me, because usually I’m a human.”

“Human? What in StarClan’s name is that?” The she cat bristled as I shrank down, demonstrating that I was indeed a human. “Twoleg.”

“A twoleg that can transform into a monster.”

“We have a shapeshifter in ThunderClan territory!!”

“ThunderClan, to me.” The grey and white she cat called her clanmates to her. “A strange twoleg has appeared on our territory. A twoleg that can understand us.” I backed away slowly, knowing not to run. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m not in the mood to be mauled to death by cats thank you very much. Cats generally don’t want anything to do with twolegs unless they’re kittypets and—“

“How do you know Clanspeak?” There golden tabby bristled. “Look, there’s these books that depict how the clans live and I’m just making educated guesses based on what I’ve read.”

“Books? Read?”

“It doesn’t matter. Now Eda knows about the strange clans of cats that lived by the lake. I of course thought it was a coincidence that she mentioned that. She said they knew a lot about herbs that heal, and…”

“So more twolegs know about us?” The she cat snarled. I then remembered reading in Ford’s first journal that I had found a few weeks ago about his accounts of a group of cats that lived in a forest. The cats eerily resembled the Clan Cats in the Warrior cats books. The Warrior cats are real. And Ford knew about them. But how did he study them? Is this an alternate universe thing?

“I’ve heard enough. A twoleg that knows about clan life is too dangerous to let go. Especially one that can transform into a monster at will.”

“I mean you no harm. I was just having a meltdown induced run through the woods and I stumbled across your territory. Please let me go.”

“You’re coming with us to see Squirrelstar.” I backed away slowly, trying to turn around to run. Cats flanked me at every turn. I shook as I was knocked down by the golden tabby tom. The wind was knocked out of me as I gasped. Come on Kenz. You can’t lose a fight to cats.

I turned and faced the golden tabby tom. I squirmed out of his grip and started to run, but tripped on a root and knocked my head on a tree branch, passing out from the impact.

[lordofhunger47]

Twins Vs Triplets

Stanley was in the hospital, and Wendy just gave birth to triplets to the surprise of everyone, having twins was a tradition in the Pines family but Triplets? That’s another story.

 

Currently, The infant boy which got named Tyrone was in Dipper’s hands and the father looked like he was going to faint any moment, with the girl named Anna in Mabel’s hand who was ecstatic beyond words and the other named Avalon in the hands of the sat down Wendy on the bed.

 

“Yo Stan! Come and say hi to your Great-Nephew’s daughter!” the mother urged her Grunkle-in-law to come, once Ley hesitantly got the baby something happened which made his pupils grow big.

 

“ Guug-gaa.” the babe uttered, causing a storm of wholesomeness to take over Stanley looking at her with almost sparky eyes, for minutes he kept the baby in his hands as if he was afraid she would fall from his hands and crack to a million pieces like a glass jar.

 

“Stanley? It’s my time now.” His brother stepped in and gestured to him to give him the baby.

 

“NO!” he moved her to his chest in a protective hug “get your own infant to corrupt!” he hissed.

 

“It’s my time now Stanley! Fair and square!” Ford pressured his brother to give him the baby.

 

“Catch me if you can, nerd!” Stanley ran with the baby from the running Stanford, and just like that the history rhymes itself with the running Stanley with a baby away from another elder Pines just like when he first time saw Dipper and Mabel when they were infants and didn’t let Sherman to hold them because he was greedy as the wife and husband rolled their eyes with the aunt giggled at seeing the Grunkles making a fool out of themselves.

________________________________________

 

Years later…

 

‘ What was I thinking?’ The same thought came into Stan and Ford’s minds, maybe agreeing to babysit Dipper and Mabel’s triplets wasn’t a very good idea, don’t get me wrong both elder twins loved the young Triplets; however, they as they learned can be a handful.

 

 __________________________________________

 

“Look Grunkle! It’s my new pet!” Avalon said cheerfully with a collared angry Mongolian sandworm that was on her head and trying to swallow her with half of her head from up.

 

Stanford nearly suffered a heart attack as he looked in horror, nearly fulfilling Bil’s prophecy about his cause of death.

 

___________________________________________

 

* BOOOOOOOM! *

 

“AAAAAAAAAH!” Stan wakes up from his bed screaming.

 

“Happy April’s fools old dinosaur! Have you scammed someone today?” Anna with a bugle greeted a woke-up Stanley.

 

“I’m both annoyed and proud at the same time,” he said, annoyed.

 

___________________________________________

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Tyron in a white coat and black experiment goggles laughed maniacally because he used necromancy and forbidden science to bring the life to a dead frog with metallic antennas, patched body parts of various animals such as a chicken leg for its right leg, a crab arm for its left arm and bat wings and it currently was flying all over the living room. “I HAVE CREATED LIFE!”.

 

Older Pines twins were using a chair and a table to shield themselves from the rabid bat frog that was attacking them to give them vampire-zombies rabies.

 

___________________________________________

Is it any wonder every time Wendy and Dipper weren’t in the house they hired or convinced someone to babysit the kids of their chaotic nature? The Stan twins came to this conclusion as they tried to find the young triplets in the garden.

 

“I swear these sassy kids will be the end of us.” Ford’s twin grumbled.

 

“I wonder if this is karmic justice for us Pines being a bunch of sassy trouble-seekers.” Stan’s twin wondered.

 

“Our family does have a trend of bringing trouble seekers, but these knuckleheads are even more of a rascal than any member of the Pines family in the history of our family tree!” The conman uttered in exasperation.

 

“Perhaps this is a genetic quirk which is only amplified thanks to the addition of the Corduroy genes.” The scientist hypothesized as he looked over a bush for the hidden rascals.

 

“Over here!” The duo looked over and saw smug girls up in a tree. “Oh, you little brats are soooo grounded for making us try to find you for an hour!” Ley pointed in accusation toward them who didn’t look even a bit intimidated.

 

“Stanley, wait, there are only the girls, where’s Tyrone?” Stanley’s brother was puzzled, before any of them had the chance to register the girls leaped from the top of the tree on the ground and started racing.

 

“Catch us if you can, old man!” a running Ava taunted.

 

“Don’t sass me young lady!” a chasing con artist responded to the sassy girl.

 

While the hustler was pursuing the puffed-haired child, the six-fingered man ran after the other Pines kid who pranced into a bush, The man of science now was left to solve the puzzle which is finding his target who kept showing her head out of the plant and goad him in grabbing him.

 

“Here!” from Left.

 

“Here!” from Right.

 

“Here!” from Middle.

 

“Here!” Right.

 

Annable kept popping her head from the bush and disappeared repeatedly with Ford trying to snatch her each time "Oh in the name of-" he was becoming tired so he just jumped into the bush only for the redhead girl to then jump out of the bush and ran away.

 

“Too slow!”

 

The multiversal traveler sighs deeply and comes out of the bush to follow her.

 

While Ford was busy running toward the pink shirt kid, Stan trying to look for the goggled girl with a withered hat, he stumbled upon a shadow behind a tree which prompted him to grin. “Oh, I wonder where that little twerp went? Maybe I should check the basement and- AHA!” He quickly moved behind the tree only to see a dummy made in a crude fashion of her with a note that said “‘I Outscammed ya!? No one out-scammed the scamp-scap-scar…!

 

"It's scammer." Ford corrected him as he was chasing.

 

"No one asked you for literature lessons!" He takes the note and violently smashes it in his fist in outrage and pride over the fact that he got out conned by the Pines kid.

 

“Nice sprinting, I just got warmed up!” Annable blew a raspberry at the now tired elder who kept chasing her circles. “My * breath* body * breaths* is not * breath * what it used to be…” the panting dimension hopper vocalized, years haven’t been kind to the elder Pines much on their body and stamina even though they used paranormal means to extent their lives.

 

“We just got started!” Avalon came and joined her partner in crime and went inside the house.

 

As the author of the journals was busy collecting himself, his sibling came and joined in. “Not any better chances huh?” he questioned breathing, “Oh this time they are not going to fool us!”- he clapped his hands together -”Come Poindexter! they are now inside the house, we will find them, come!” he gestured his twin to follow him to the inside of the home, there were no lights and everything was suspiciously dark.

 

“Now where is the switch to turn on the-” without any warning, every light in the house got lit up.

 

"SURPRISE!" The entire set of triplets greeted the startled Old men with glitters flying all over.

 

“What in tarnation…” once the ex-Mr Mystery’s eyes adjusted and left his hands away from his face, he saw a big sign from the roof which said ‘SURPRISE!’ in numerous colors with the trio in the living room welcoming him.

 

“What’s this now?” He looked confused.

 

“Isn't it obvious? It’s a surprise! Otherwise, why do you think we kept trying to keep you out of the house?” Ty informed them.

 

“But, our birthday is not today,” Fordsy noted.

 

“So what? That doesn’t mean we can’t do something nice for our favorite Great uncles!” Ava counteracted his point.

 

“Here, we made this together!” Anna responded and then gave them a present warped in red colors and white dolts with a golden ribbon. Stan and Ford at first looked suspicious, thinking this is just another prank until they opened the cover and found out that it was genuine, what they saw was a brown diary with glitters and labels written ‘Stanley and Stanford Pines: Our Heroes’ when they see inside of it they found images and pictures of them but younger from when they were kids, their older versions spending time with Mabel and Dipper across the years from when they were 12 years old till their graduation and their marriage to their respective spouses and finally it was them hanging out with the triplets and then a series of blankets which said 'Make new memories with us' in first of all blanket papers , the nostalgic hit the Old Pines hard and were touched by this gift with Stan, in particular, was in the verge of crying.

 

“Are you crying?” Tyrone teased.

 

“NO! I’m allergic to all your sasses!” Stanley immediately wiped his tears and shouted out at the chuckling kid, Ford couldn’t help but smile ‘ These kids are going to grow into fine individuals.’ he thought warmly.

[grimm-bot]

i want to write dipper pines again im going mad rabid i MUST write my hyperspecficic version of him again i must send more 10k word replies please stick your fingers into tbe bars of my cage i wont bite

[kingsteeth]

why i don't fuck with ford pines haters and you shouldn't either: a long post by me

hi yeah pull up a fuckin chair or something so the local ford pines apologist himself can tell you something. long post ahead red alert

so. there's too many posts out there just straight up beating the shit out of ford for not being nice, starting the apocalypse, all that bs that i don't like to see! did you even watch the same show i did?

im of the opinion that stanford pines is honestly doing the best he can. if you actually look at it you can see that he's not well adjusted to being "normal" and doing everyday life correctly. you can point to the 30 years spent surviving various dimensions and bill's impact on his psyche to back that up. also, sorry he's not nice i guess? dude gets back to his house and is immediately thrown into this new family dynamic with new people who are all over him (not faulting the kids for being excited, but still), his house doesn't look like he left it, and his brother, who he holds a grudge against, is there. obviously a lot going on.

side note: you don't have to agree with me when i say ford pines is autistic but i choose to interpret him in that way. being autistic myself im sure he resonates with other autistic people.

things probably woulda gone smoother if stan and ford had maybe decided to have a conversation about things instead of going at each other like a pair of rabid skunks, but their relationship isn't at that point yet. sorry that ford's not just gonna forget his life being thrown off track entirely after stan cost him a shot at that college. to stan's credit he did manage to look past that and focus on the present, but ford isn't on the same page for various reasons.

stan would like his brother to be thankful for getting him back, and you know what, ford might even HAVE said thank you. but like i said it's a lot to take in in a short amount of time, and he very obviously needed space.

he ends up getting into the basement and staying there for a while, and despite stan telling the kids not to go down there because HE'S mad, dipper ends up being the one to bring ford up out of there and get him to actually be social. w for dipper!

ford is very obviously preoccupied with keeping bill out of reality, given the rift and all caused by the portal's reactivation. honestly i cannot blame him because bill coming into reality and destroying life as you know it is a terrifying concept and he shouldn't be faulted for worrying about it given their history.

however that doesn't mean that ford deserved all that blame when weirdmageddon actually started! mabel didn't deserve the blame for handing over the rift, and ford didn't deserve the blame for opening up reality for bill to come into in the first place! weirdmageddon was plotted by bill. we are not going to blame the humans that he used and manipulated without their knowledge.

i was honestly? kinda shocked at stan's willingness to just leave ford in bill's captivity during the apocalypse. i get that he was pissed off, but the apocalypse is upon you and the only guy who knows anything about it, your BROTHER, who you dedicated 3 decades to find, is gone? and you're gonna leave him? it frustrated me.

tired of seeing the gravity falls fanbase paint one of the stans as the "good" twin and the other as the "bad" twin. this post is about ford mostly but they both have their faults and they both did shit that wasn't right. i still think they both developed nicely towards the end of the series, but my GOD the way some of you will immediately jump to hating ford because he wasn't nice to stan.

also gonna get into the argument that ford was somehow naive for not seeing bill for what he was. bill presented himself to ford as someone with answers to literally all of ford's problems, and more importantly as a friend and potential partner. that's a huge thing for ford, known for his lack of friends. bill got to ford through his weak points and laid out this future where ford was successful and more importantly, happy. that's not a stupid thing to want, especially not from a powerful being who you KNOW has the capability to make that happen.

ford took that deal thinking it was the smartest thing he had ever done. and honestly if not for bill being a jackass it would have been the best decision he ever made. he took it because he weighed out the information he knew and decided it would further his research and it would grant him knowledge no other human had ever had before. being someone whose entire worth was based around how smart he was, you can see why that would appeal to a person like ford.

during the apocalypse, ford handled it rather well for someone who went through the things he did. he tried to get it over with and done before it was too late, and it almost WAS too late thanks to stan. but like i said before, they both need to be on the same page for things to go well. stan was not where ford was at, and focused on the negatives about ford being back rather than what needed to be done, and almost killed the kids in the process.

essentially, neither of them are good or bad, and i hate the way the fanbase treats ford in specific. stan did his best, yes, and he should be congratulated for it, but ford also was doing his best.

if you watch the show, you can really see the way he behaves and how it relates back to the trauma he's had to go through for literally half of his life. he's stuck in survival mode, and has really had the TRUST NO ONE thing hammered in hard. i think that's a vital part of his character that shouldn't be overlooked.

it's really, really easy for the majority to misinterpret ford as this stuck up asshole who thinks he knows more than everyone, but he kinda DOES know more about bill than everyone. he and bill were close, and i don't really like the way he's boiled down to being an asshole. try to have a braincell or two firing when you watch the show.

this post reads very angrily, but it's moreso directed at the people i've spoken to who hate ford for the reasons i touched on above. nobody has to like him, but you really gotta look into why he does what he does and THEN tell me why you don't like him. cause if it comes down to "he was mean" i'm just gonna assume you don't realize how traumatized people or autistic people behave. (again, my personal interpretation of ford is that he's autistic.)

idk man i love the guy and i hate to see him being done so dirty by the fan base. take care and remember that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE HIM! THESE ARE MY DEFENSES FOR ARGUMENTS I SEE AGAINST HIM! no one is gonna force you to like fictional character no. 300 on tumblr dot com! jesus christ. ily and hopefully this reaches the target audience

[asterkiss]

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” Mabill, please. 😊

Zombie AU, anyone? 

- VULNERABILITY

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

Mable Pines evaded another flesh-hungry zombie as she ran through the abandoned streets of Gravity Falls. A lot can change in a couple of days, and having a zombie apocalypse explode out of nowhere certainly changed a lot.

For one thing, she was currently all alone.

Wendy was currently incapacitated back at the Shack with two broken legs (long story); Dipper had been unfortunately kidnapped by a cult (an even longer story); and to top it all off their newfound ally Bill Cipher was fucking dead. 

She’d probably need several hours to explain that last part.

But to give the short version:-

It had only been a couple of months since the demon had taken on a human vessel and shenanigans had ensued between him and their family. A lot had transpired but to cut to the eventuality of it all, Mabel had actually grown close to the demon and considered him sort of, well, a friend.

(But that was it. Just a friend. Nothing more―no matter what he might suggest otherwise).

Despite that, even until the end Mable found herself continuing to question whether he really had changed. 

Apparently his way of proving that was to throw himself into a hoard of zombies so that she could escape unharmed.

Talk about making a point, huh?

(But seriously she was very upset about it).

Using her grappling hook, Mable equipped the ever useful device to scale the  building of an abandoned warehouse. Breaking an already cracked window, she climbed inside. Mable had the feeling people wouldn’t be bothered too much by her trespassing when there were bigger fish to fry in town right now.

Her reason for coming here to begin with was because she had bumped into Tambry who had apparently caught size of a group fitting the description of Dipper’s kidnappers visiting this place yesterday morning. 

So it was, Mable cautiously searched the abandoned warehouse, eventually making her way up a flight of stairs and into a room that oversaw the entire building. There didn’t seem to be any sign of Dipper, only remnants of abandoned supplies and machinery. 

Her foot tapped against something and she lowered her flashlight only to gasp at the sight of a body. Unfortunately, this was only one of many she had seen in the past couple of days. He didn’t even look that old either as he stared ahead vacantly.

Mable paid him a small blessing in her mind as she turned to continue searching.

Except something then grabbed her foot.

Ah.

Dropping her head down she found the dead body suddenly wasn’t so “dead” anymore as the light haired corpse groaned into movement whilst its cold fingers grasped at her ankle. Oh hell no. Mable quickly yanked her foot free and backed away, rushing for another door that lead out onto the walkway.

Luck was not on her side however as Mable flung the door open only to find another zombie stood loitering outside, its head hanging to one side. This one was older, probably a middle-aged gentleman as it turned its head to regard her arrival, eyes alighting with hunger.

Oh crap.

She retreated away from the door, peering behind her to find the first zombie was now standing. That way was blocked. Her head snapped back around as the older one lurched forward too close for comfort. She quickly held out her grappling hook and released it, the metal portion firing and hitting it square in the chest which caused it it to stumble. Score.

Mable turned on her heel only to freeze at the sight of shot gun directed her way. Her eyes wandered past the barrel of the gun and towards the individual holding it only for her gaze to land on none other than the zombie itself. Wait, what? 

The gun fired and she flinched as the shot rang out loudly throughout the room and building. When she turned her head, she found the other zombie directly behind her, apparently having recovered from her attack. What it couldn’t recover from however was the the fresh bullet hole in its skull as it slowly toppled over onto the floor. Dead for good this time. 

When she peered back cautiously towards the other undead in the room and met its gaze, its lips slowly stretched into a lazy grin.

‘Sup.’

‘Wha― Wait, Billl!?’

‘In the flesh,’ he shot back with a laugh, tapping his chest as he lowered the weapon. ‘This flesh to be more precise.’

‘Oh my god are you possessing a dead body right now?’ she cried, regarding him ludicrously. 

‘Well yeah, my old vessel got torn to pieces by those rabid cannibals―you’re welcome for that by the way―so I decided to shop around for something fresher. Lucky me, I found this one right by ya.’

‘You have part of your throat missing.’

‘I’ll hide it with a scarf.’

‘And I can see part of your intestines hanging out.’

'That can be patched up,’ he replied breezily, clearly having no qualms about his actions. 

Mable sighed as she regarded his new "form”. The body he inhabited couldn’t have been dead for that long as it still had some colour left in it and didn’t stink yet. Also, whilst it pained her to admit it, had this body been alive and intact its definitely a guy she would have considered hot. So in a way she was thankful he had part of his organs hanging out, it sobered her up and made her less inclined to think Bill was attractive.

‘See something you like?’ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows as she continued to stare.

Mable rolled her eyes. ‘That’s creepy coming from a dead body.’

‘Would you rather I possess a living one?’

‘Why do you have to possess anybody at all?’ she protested. ‘Are you really that desperate to cause drama, even during a zombie apocalypse?’

He frowned. ‘That’s not why I’m back.’

‘Oh yeah?’ she gave him a flat look, clearly in disbelief.

‘It’s true!’ he retorted. ‘Hand on my― well, this guy’s heart!’

When she continued to side-eye him, Bill released an aggravated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. ‘Urgh, you never make things easy. You’re seriously gonna make me be honest and crap? I hate that stuff.’

‘Yeah, how awful,’ she deadpanned.

He released a grumble, looking very much uncomfortable as he muttered something.

‘What?’

‘...d... ou....’

‘You seriously need to speak up dude, I can’t hear a thing.’

‘I’m fond of you!’ he snapped, eyes flashing as he pinned with a glare. ‘There, I said it. Are you happy!?’

Mable blinked in surprise at his admission. Well that she certainly hadn’t expected. She could tell he was uncomfortable at his own words and though she wanted to make a witty comment or joke, the girl knew that wouldn’t be fair to the demon who had clearly displayed some vulnerability to confess such a thing.

‘Really?’ she asked.

‘I just said so, didn’t I?’ he huffed, folding his arms. ‘Why else do you think I scarified my old vessel to rescue you? I’ve no idea what I’d do if I lost you.’

Oh wow. Mable felt her heart actually skip a beat and quickly reminded herself that this was still Bill even if he was saying the first sweet thing in probably centuries.

‘You like me,’ she stated, feeling the words on her own tongue. It felt nice to say them. Slightly funny, even. 

Bill grumbled some words, refusing to look her way. Was he embarrassed? Seriously? 

'Well, I like you too,’ she admitted, feeling she could show a little vulnerability in front of him if he was. His gaze wandered in her direction, a look of suspicion lacing his expression. 

‘You do?’

‘Yeah. I don’t really know why,’ she added, offering a wry smile. ‘But I was upset when you died so I’m kinda happy to see you again.’ Even if it was by possessing a dead body during these drastic times.

Mable could have sworn she saw the hints of a genuine smile beginning to form on his face at her admission, only for it to be quickly dampened as he unfolded his arms and straightened up. ‘Hmph, well luckily for you the main hero has returned to this mess of a show.’

‘Oh yeah?’ She watched as he tucked away his true feelings behind a facade once more. Looks like feelings time was over. And she was okay with that. It made her feel weird too. They could go back to being snark and comfortable.

‘Yep. So let’s go and save your dumb brother, for if my name ain’t Bill Cipher! All powerful and omnipotent demon, destroyer of dreams! Mwahahaha!!!’

‘Hey, Mr Destroyer of Dreams, you dropped one of your kidneys.’

‘Wait, what?’

‘Blehh, that’s so gross. I think I might seriously throw up.’

‘It’s fine, I’ll shove it back in! No harm done. See?’

‘No, keep it away from me! Bill!!’

[agftheorist]

Simple Man With Eager Ears

•Part 1•

Summary: A simple man with eager ears, may trust the whispers that he hears... What if on Roadside Attraction, there were more than meets the eye?

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

'Just one last time', Stan thought as he packed the last one of the baskets. Was it Dipper's? Stan realized he didn't wanna know what kind of things the kid would bring. He just hoped it didn't contain anything of his brother's doing. Those attractions would give both of the kids enough weirdness.

"Alright, kids, none of your parents are lawyers right? Then be ready for a... uh, 'Stan Pines Special Roadtrip!'. That's right, the trip's completely and utterly legal."

The twins were whispering at each other. After that, Dipper seemed nervous. He assumed it was probably because him and him refusing to come with them. Oh, but of course, he had to be 'busy with the damaged he's done'.

Stan glanced at his home one more time just to be sure everything was okay. No, this wasn't his home, as Ford have 'gently' reminded him. This only made him think about the end of the summer once more. And what would it bring to both of them. At least he could spend this trip to have good time with the kids.

'One last time', he thought as he drove the car. The last annual roadtrip of the twenty five before. His last chance to bond with the kids. It might even mean his last chance to redrive all those roads in case he would ever need a 'quick escape'...

"OHMAGOSH!! Grunkle Stan!! I just saw a puppy with FOUR heads! Can I please pet him? Please please please..."

Well, that took Stan out of his train of thoughts.

"Sweetie, we're on a schedule. Besides, it's probably wild and rabid and-"

"Pleaseeee?"

"Oh please, not those puppy eyes..."

•••

"Wow look at this! He ate four marshmallows at once!"

"How do you know it's a 'he'? Maybe two heads are female and the other two is..."

"Ew Dipper, that's gross!"

They all seemed so busy with the fake of a Kerberus and Stan decided that he could use a little rest.

As he laid down on a back seat, he immediately fell asleep. Which surprised even him, when you think about the noise Mabel and her crew was doing.

There was a long and empty road in Stan Pines' dream. Well, empty except his beloved Stanleymobile. The sky was dark blue, it was hard to tell if it was dawn or evening.

It seemed weird at first. He never gave thought on it before, but lucid dreams were something he occasionally had. However, that one was even more realistic than those. As if he suddenly had a time travel and he was at the end of the summer, leaving his old 'home' for what?

"The roadtrip must've really got me... I would do better if I had a map or-"

Then the radio opened on its own and Stan heard the voice of the male reporter. It was too familiar to Toby Determined's voice that it was almost painful.

"On the local news, ladies and gentlemen, yesterday we've reached some shocking news. Apparently, Stanford Pines was not the man we thought he was for the last thirty years.-"

Wait- What! How did they learned this?

"The real Stanford Pines, was kept in such conditions that he was merely more than a hostage, by his own brother Stanley Pines, the filthy man who faked his own death and took his honest brother's home and identity!"

Now What Was That!? Ford would never-ever blame it all on him! He gave him back his identity and home, what else did he want? His soul?

"The kids! They know the truth! They will tell everyone that Ford lied about me!"

Then this must be why he's in his car, fleeing in such a time of the day. It had been long since the control of the dream left his hands.

He could swear he had a heart attack in his dream (was that even possible?) when he heard the police sirens behind him.

"No-No! I have to find the kids! Soos! They know I didn't do that! I would never-"

"NO!"

Stan woke up in cold sweat. His first instinct was look out to the kids. They were safe, thanks god.

He sat on the driver's seat started thinking about it. Yes he had some scenarios about how would Ford explain his mood, intelligence and six fingers to the rest of the world, but he would never-

'How do you know?' That annoying voice in his head asked. 'He hadn't seen you for thirty years, doing god knows what, meanwhile you've spent your life for him. And he doesn't seem very grateful for that...'

He sighed and hated himself for not being able to have an answer to that.

Around five minutes later, everyone was safe in the car once again. As it turned out, the dog has some kind of a super hearing ability and then flew away with using all his ears like a helicopter.

They all were peacefully sleeping in thirty minutes, except Stan who was still thinking about his latest dream.

[fallen-gravity]

Fightin’ Back Chapter 4

Chapter Notes: I’d like to give a shoutout to @elegiesofemptiness for throwing suggestions my way for this chapter and helping me out of a rut.

We’re really in it now, boys. Scary-oke this time around, and the next chapter following this one takes  place in my favorite episode in season two. >:)

AO3

“You have to promise me you’ll only use the journal for self-defense, and won’t go sniffing around for trouble.” 

Dipper crosses his arms over his chest. “Okay, but only if you promise that you don’t have any more bombshell secrets about this town”.

“Promise” Stan replies, placing one hand against his heart and the other crossed behind his back. Dipper squints at him for a moment, but then he sighs.

“Promise”, Dipper echoes, and his tone doesn’t sound any more genuine than his own. 

Maybe he should just hide all the black lights in the house so the kid doesn’t get any big ideas. For now, though…

“Oof, we have a lot of zombie damage to clean up.” Stan pokes at his recliner with his foot. “Where’s my handyman, anyway?” 

As if on cue, the zombified Soos wanders into the room from the kitchen, arms outstretched and eyes glossed over. 

“Holy Moses!” Stan yelps, instinctively grabbing for the nearest piece of furniture to smash it over Soos’s head, before Dipper stops him, placing a hand on his arm. 

“Wait! It says here there’s a cure for zombification. It’s gonna take a lot of formaldehyde” 

“Ooh, and cinnamon!” Mabel beams, popping her head over Dipper’s shoulder. 

“C’mon, Soos, let’s fix you up” 

Mabel picks up one of the dining chairs off the floor and prods Soos in the stomach back towards the kitchen. Dipper’s about to follow her into the kitchen, but Stan places a firm hand on his shoulders to stop him in his tracks. 

“Not so fast, little man,” he scolds. “Don’t think you’re getting off that easy. I saw that zombie pick you up”

“Are you...accusing me of being a zombie?” Dipper turns to face him, and Stan almost laughs that he looks more baffled than he does angry.  “Wouldn’t my head have exploded while we were singing together if that were true?”  He asks, and visibly cringes at the mental image. 

“Well, yeah. Maybe you weren’t infected as quickly as Soos, but zombies don’t always gotta bite you to infect you. It’s about direct contact.” Stan grins. “Matter of fact, most zombies only bite cause they’re hungry! If they’re just looking to infect, they’re more likely to leave a nasty scratch” he offers out his hand. “Lemme see” 

Dipper places his hand in Stan’s, and Stan tugs him a bit closer so he can get a better look at Dipper’s arm. His shoulder looks fine, which means it isn’t spreading as quickly as Stan expected it to. That’s a relief. He turns Dipper’s hand to inspect the other side of his wrist, and sure enough, there are three large gashes right on the spot where the zombie had grabbed him. It doesn’t look like it’s bleeding, but the skin surrounding the gashes are already turning a sickening grayish green.

Dipper’s face goes white as a ghost at the sight of it, and if Stan weren’t holding his wrist he’s almost sure the poor kid would pass out right then and there. Stan squeezes his hand, just to give the kid a grounding gesture to prevent him from passing out a second time. “Whoa, whoa. Deep breaths, kid. You said it yourself! There’s a cure for this. We just gotta follow your sister into the kitchen before she uses it all on Soos, okay?” 

Dipper sighs, and his breath is shaky. “Okay” he replies, and he takes three steps forward before he stops. Stan’s afraid he’s going to pass out again, but he turns back around and points a finger at him. 

“How did you know that?”

“Know what?” 

Dipper’s rubbing at his infected wrist, and the sound it’s making is akin to someone walking through a pile of dead leaves. “How did you know that zombies can infect someone without biting someone? All Journal 3 talked about was how to cure a bite”

...Shit. That must’ve been the first journal that talked about home remedies for monster attacks.

“W-Well I’ve lived here for over thirty years, y’see? You have to learn these things pretty quickly.” Stan straightens out his posture to better sell his lie, and gestures vaguely towards Dipper. “Look at you, kiddo. You’ve had the journal for...what, two months? And I see you going around every day like you own the place” 

Dipper blushes. “I guess that makes sense”

Stan rolls his shoulders. “Of course it makes sense. I’m older and wiser, and all that” 

Dipper chuckles quietly, mumbling something under his breath about I don’t know about wiser, but Stan’s too distracted by the fact that Dipper keeps scratching at his infection to bite back. “And speaking about older and wiser, I of all people would know that all scratching at that thing is gonna do is make it worse” 

Dipper’s hand drops to his side immediately. “Right, right” he murmurs. Stan rolls his eyes, and places a hand on Dipper’s back to gently shove him towards the kitchen.

“Hup to. The last thing we need around here is a zombie with an irrational fear of himself” Stan slaps Dipper on the back and roars in laughter, who only responds with a roll of his eyes. When they step into the kitchen, Mabel and a dezombified Soos are sitting at the table chatting casually. Soos has an ice pack on his head.

“Oh, hey dood!” Soos grins. “Hey Mr. Pines! Sorry about the whole trying to eat your brains thing. I got like, way too into the character.” 

“Uh, water under the bridge” Stan waves him off before he turns his attention to Mabel. “Listen, sweetie, you got any more of the formula?” He exchanges a quick glance with Dipper, who’s hiding his arm from his sister behind his back. “I, uh, wanna toss some of it around the yard. See if it doubles as a free fertilizer for the...dead flowers” 

Mabel gasps, her eyes going wide. “Those poor zombified flower pixies!” She yelps, and gestures to a pot bubbling with oil on the stove. “Take as much as you need. I accidentally made, like, ten batches too many anyway, so if it works you could sell bottles of it in the gift shop and tell ‘em Mabel sent ya” 

Stan laughs, and takes a moment to muss up her hair. “Ah, I knew my swindling skills would rub off on one of ya! Atta girl” he grins, and she grins back in equal measure before returning to her conversation with Soos. As soon as she has her back turned to him, Stan grabs the entire pot and walks as fast as he can towards the back porch without spilling any of the oil.

“Follow me”, he whispers to Dipper once he’s sure he’s out of Mabel’s earshot, and Dipper doesn’t hesitate to trail closely behind. He places the pot of oil on the ground beside the porch couch, and pats at the armrest. Dipper wordlessly complies and takes a seat, and Stan takes one last peek through the window to make sure Mabel hadn’t followed them out to watch him “revive the pixies” or whatever it is she’d said. Once he’s sure that she’s too engrossed in her conversation with Soos to notice they were gone, he takes a knee beside Dipper.

“Alright, lemme see it again” Stan says, and Dipper spreads his arm across the armrest. The infection seems to have spread to the base of his elbow, and the skin surrounding the initial gash in his arm has withered to a faded gray color. Stan sighs, and dips both of his hands up to his wrists into the pot of oil. 

The smell of it makes Stan sick. It’s far from his first time dealing with formaldehyde, and a tiny little demon at the back of his head is screaming at him that Dipper could’ve been coming into contact with it for much, much worse reasons if he came up from the basement to help him just ten seconds later. 

No. He squashes that thought down before it can get any worse, and begins rubbing the oil into the worst of the infection on Dipper’s wrist. It makes him flinch, and Stan’s not sure if it’s because of the smell or the burning sensation.

“Y’see, this is exactly why I tried keeping you and your sister away from the supernatural.” He flicks the excess oil off of his hands, but it’s a redundant gesture because he’s right back to sticking his hands in the pot anyway. “Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you if I hadn’t heard you in time? Or if I’d looked anywhere else in the Shack for you first? I would’ve been forced to assume the worst”

He’s trying to sound strict, but damn these kids for tearing him down so much that it hurts his chest to even think about it. “I can’t have the people I care about aimlessly running around and throwing themselves into danger”

“I’m not being aimless!” Dipper whines, but hisses in pain when Stan accidentally rubs some of the oil directly into the gashes in his wrist. 

“Mhm,” Stan hums. “And I’ve never spent a year in a Colombian prison”

“I’m not!” he squeaks. “Look, Grunkle Stan, I’m not just running around trying to hunt and capture every monster in the journal for fun, or anything! I’m so close to discovering the identity of the author that I have to follow leads when they present themselves! Nobody can really just...disappear out of thin air, right? He has to be around here somewhere”

Every nerve in Stan’s body freezes up at once. 

I’ve been telling myself that for thirty years, kid.

“Look, kid…” he pauses. What can he say? You’re never gonna find him cause I accidentally pushed him through an interdimensional portal? Oh, and by the way, he’s my twin brother and your other Grunkle and he would probably love you and your sister to bits if he were still here? “...I get it. I do. But you have to understand that I’d never forgive myself if anything horrible happened to you or your sister.” He waves a defensive hand in the air. “I don’t mean to say that you can never go anywhere, ‘cause even I know that tryin’a strap you down and make you sit still would be like caging a rabid animal.” He wipes the rest of the excess oil on his pant leg, and places a gentle hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “I just can’t have ya gettin’ hurt on my watch, ya hear?” 

Stan can’t help but drift his gaze towards his wrist,

More than you already have, anyway.

“It’s not like that. Mabel and I can take care of ourselves”

“Watch it.” Stan points an accusatory finger at him. “You’re twelve. The last thing you need is a hero complex”

“What?” Dipper shakes his head. “No, Grunkle Stan, I mean, Mabel and I’ve already fought half of the monsters in the journal and won. You don’t need to worry about anything happening to us”

Stan raises an eyebrow. “Kid, didn’t I just rescue you two from a hoard of zombies?”

“That’s just the thing! We’ve been chasing after monsters all summer, and this is the first time you’ve ever had to get involved!” Dipper’s beaming, and okay, someone better tell this kid to stop being a picture perfect replica of his brother before he finds out it’s his biggest weakness. “You saw Gideon’s giant robot the other day, didn’t you?” 

Stan blinks. “You mean that giant pile of metal scraps everyone was crowding around?”

“Yeah!” Dipper backtracks. “Okay, well, before that, it was a giant robot.”

“You’re losing me” Stan huffs. “What could Gideon’s broken robot have anything to do with why I should trust you running off on your own?

Dipper blinks, like he’s in disbelief that Stan hadn’t already connected the pieces together himself. “We’re the ones who broke it”

If Stan had a drink in his mouth, he’d be spit-taking all over the place right now. “You two? Wasn’t that thing twice the size of the shack?” 

“Oh, it was. As soon as the bus you put us on to go home pulled away from the bus stop, he tried chasing after us in it because he insisted that we still had something that he wanted”

Stan snorts. “Was he goin’ off about Mabel’s hand in marriage again?” 

Dipper laughs, but then he shakes his head. “No, he just kept rambling on about Journal 1 and how bringing the journals together could, I dunno, end the world or something? And he wanted to bring them together so he could hold the world hostage, or something.” He shrugs. “It didn’t make any sense to me. I mean, I know the author’s missing, but I just assumed he’d been kidnapped by some...thing that didn’t like being recorded. I didn’t think it was some kind of superweapon”  

Stan swears he can feel his blood turn cold. He tugs awkwardly at the collar of his shirt, and hopes Dipper assumes it’s because of the mid-summer heat.

“...But we didn’t have it!” Dipper throws his arms up in the air. “We tried telling him we had no idea what he was talking about, but he just kept getting angrier and calling liars. He had both of us in his...giant robot hands at some point, but then he decided there was nothing else he wanted from me and literally tossed me away”

Dipper’s hands are balling up into tiny, shaking fists. “He tried taking Mabel hostage. I wouldn’t have cared how much he insulted me, but...we’ve never been separated like that before”. He glances down at his shaky hands. “I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never been the braver one between us. But next thing I know, I’m flinging myself off the train tracks” 

“Train tracks?” Stan blinks. “Y’mean the ones up on the cliff?”

Dipper nods, blushing. “I just...went for it. I probably got a ton of cuts from the broken glass when I smashed through the eye of the robot,” he muses, pausing to give his own arm a look over. “But I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much adrenaline in my life”

Stan snorts. “You’re trying to tell me you punched the robot so hard that you knocked it off the cliff?”

“What? No, Gideon was inside of it. He was wearing one of those weird...motion control suit...things. The robot only lost its balance because I punched him in the face.”

Stan roars in laughter. “You punched Gideon in the face?” 

“Yep!” Dipper beams. “Quite a few times, actually. I think with everyone treating him like he’s a god he tends to forget that Mabel and I are three years older than him.” He flexes an arm to show off his nonexistent muscle. “Remember that trick you taught me about punching someone in the face with their own fist?” 

“Hah!” Stan grins. “That worked?” 

“Knocked the robot’s head clean off!” Dipper grins back. “Or, well, it probably would’ve, if that wasn’t what pushed the robot over the edge” 

Stan’s keeling over in laughter. He can’t believe how casually Dipper’s talking about this. Just a month ago, if Dipper had told him the same story detail for detail, Stan would’ve been sure that Dipper was describing a movie he’d watched the previous night. 

“Not bad, kid!” he grabs Dipper into a gentle headlock, messing up his hair. “But what about your sister, huh? Don’t think I don’t see you trying to take all the credit” 

“Oh, not at all!” He’s beaming again. “That’s the best part. Mabel’s the one who saved us from falling to our deaths. Don’t ever tell her I said this, but I think the grappling hook is the best thing she’s ever owned”

Stan nudges him with his elbow. “Yeah, last thing we need around here is both of you having giant heads”. Dipper glares at him, which only makes him laugh harder. 

Stan wipes a tear from his eye with his wrist. “Alright, kid. You convinced me. If you two can come out of fighting a giant sci-fi monster without so much as a scratch, I trust that you and your sister know what you’re doing”.

Dipper’s eyes go wide. “Really?” 

Stan nods. “Really. But you have to promise me you’ll still be careful, okay? I can go back on my word and hide that book away from you faster than you can say journal. Got it?” 

Dipper nods. “Got it.” and then, after a short pause, “I promise”. 

[childotkw]

just saw your last post. don’t know if i’m supposed to ask you again or not but will you write more gravity falls stories? thanks you for the lucifer post. 🥰

I really really want to. I adored Gravity Falls. Like, to an insane degree. It was such a smart show, and the plot was brilliant and the characters were charming and engaging and interesting. 

I, unsurprisingly to anyone who has seen my AO3 account, am a BillDip shipper. I’ve always been drawn to complex relationship dynamics - and BillDip was absolutely fascinating to me.

Dipper, who was so smart and so clever, and whose curiosity was easily his greatest weakness, being drawn into a twisted dance with an interdimensional demon of untold power? Hell yes. 

Give me a Dipper who, after that summer, feels an ever-present itch under his skin. Something he can’t identify, can’t understand, but that he has to scratch so he doesn’t go insane. 

Give me a Dipper who, through coincidence or something more, falls into the world of magic outside Gravity Falls. Who somehow acquires a book on magic, which leads to two books, then four, then a small library’s worth. And he doesn’t stop there. He starts creating amulets, little charmed trinkets that Mabel wears with delight. He starts gathering supplies, branching out into this new field - blind and rabid with the incessant urge to learn burning away under his skin.

Give me a Dipper who gains a certain reputation as he grows older. Dipper, who can peel back the veil between worlds and begin to see. The nymphs that dance along the forest paths and in the rivers. The trolls that lurk under the bridge near his home. The Grimm that lingers near the church’s graveyard, ancient-eyed yet peaceful as it watches he and his sister walk to school. Dipper, who begins to see the spirits and wraiths and tricksters that prowl in the night. Dipper, who falls, helplessly, into the...darker branches of magic. Destined, perhaps, to always always step off the path.

Give me a Dipper who is marked. The taint of his deal with Bill lingering on his very soul, for all the world to see. Dipper, who is distrusted by most in this new community he stumbles into, but respected - because anyone who can walk around with Cipher’s mark is worthy of respect. 

Give me a Dipper who still wakes up in the middle of the night, plagued with nightmares he can’t remember, inky shadows stroking over his throat, his chest, winding through his hair and around his wrists, with a scream lodged in his throat that he can’t release because Mabel still sleeps two metres from him. Dipper, who trembles at the oddest times - a flash of gold from his mother’s necklace, the black bowtie his father is inexplicably fond of, the high-pitched cackle of a villain in some B-movie fight scene - sending him spiralling in his own mind. Dipper, who ignores the whispers he sometimes hears when he’s sleep-deprived, hanging in that nebulous zone of awake but not really. Dipper, who feels ill with longing sometimes, for something he can not - will not, refuses to - name.

And give me a Mabel who is tired. Mabel, who is watching her brother - her other half - tear himself apart, chasing something he can’t speak of. Mabel, who wants to cry whenever she sees the runes Dipper has carved into himself, the ones he mumbles are for protection. 

Mabel, who longs for the days when Dipper could meet her eyes without that damned guilt simmering away in his heart. Like there was anything he could ever do that would make her turn away from him. Like Mabel - who was older now, less absorbed in her own things, less oblivious to the scars Dipper still carried from her thoughtless words and actions - would ever scorn Dipper again.

Give me a Mabel that knows how broken Dipper is and who begins to hate the self-loathing she can see building in his eyes. Mabel, who, more often than not, is the one to find Dipper slumped over a dusty tome, dark circles under his eyes and blood dripping from his nose because he doesn’t see his own limitations and can’t seem to stop. Mabel, who holds Dipper through his night terrors, whenever he slipped and lets her see the cracks, pressing her cheek to his sweat-damp hair and waiting for him to crawl back to himself.

Just. Give me the Pines twins dealing with the aftermath of how utterly fucked up they are after that summer.

And give me a Bill Cipher that is clawing his way back into the world, holding onto that thin string connecting him to the brightest soul he’s ever encountered. And how he wants. 

[nautiscarader]

Wendip Week day 4 - same age

(Ao3)

- This is going to be the most boring holidays ever.

Dipper Pines put down the bags he's been carrying on the wooden floor of their new room, wondering if the creaking he was hearing would be the herald of their doom. But even if, the effect was nullified at once when Mabel began jumping up and down on her new bed, doing somersaults in the air, laughing and cheering.

- Oh come on, dipdop. This place ain't so bad! Come on, let's see what things are in the gift shop. - Mabel, we *live* in a gift shop now. - Dipper grumbled - And I have a feeling our grunkle would be willing to sell us...

The twins walked down the stairs (Mabel two at the time), getting used to the bizarre décor of the Mystery Shack. The modern merchandise clashed with old pictures and clearly fake paraphernalia that wouldn't lure even the most gullible of tourists.

- Man, can you believe this, Mabel? Who would believe in such things? - Dipper asked into the void, leaning against the counter. - Oh, you;d be surprised.  

Dipper let out an embarrassingly high-pitched meep as someone jumped from behind the counter. The girl had long, red hair, wore a green plaid shirt, was missing one front tooth, but it somehow didn't detract from her beaming smile. It took Dipper a moment to realise he has been in Mabel's arms the whole time when she caught him, and stepped to the floor.

- Hi there! - the girl asked - You are Mr Pines' grand-kids, right? Oh man, maybe finally the borefest will end. - she kept talking, while she sat on the counter and dangled her feet, which Dipper now noticed were hidden in bizarrely huge boots. - Hi! I'm Mabel! - Wendy. Wendy Corduroy. - the girl reached her hand and fist-bumped Mabel, much to her delight. - Dipper! She knows the SECRET HANDSHAKE. - Heh, it's not very secret, isn't it? - Wendy looked at the chestnut-haired boy - And it's... Dipper?

She raised her brow, ogling him from head to toes.

- It's... it's a nickname. Anyway, - Dipper quickly changed the subject - You were talking about the, uh, clients? - Oh yeah. Lots of people fall for those. - Wait, how do you know? - Dipper inquired - Are you... working here? - Yup.

Wendy jumped to the floor and walked to the twins. She was fraction of an inch taller than them, though her oversized ushanka might have contributed to that effect.

- You are talking with Mystery's Shack best saleswoman! Mostly because I'm the only woman. - she added. - Wait, how come grunkle Stan let you? - Mabel tilted her head in confusion/ - "Grunkle"? - Wendy chuckled - What's that short for, "grumpy uncle"? - "Great uncle" actually. - Ah, makes sense. So, anyway, I asked him if I can work here to earn some cash, and he said yeah, and he was happy cos he thought he'd have to pay me only a half. So then I told him I might call the feds, and you'd have to see his face when he heard that.

Mabel and Dipper exchanged bewildered looks after the girl sputtered the entire history seemingly in one breath. Wendy looked around and lowered her voice.

- Between you and me, I think your grunkle has some serious skeletons in his closet. Or maybe the basement.

She jumped in place, and as she landed, the three heard a faint echo, just like when Dipper put down their bags.

- There must be one, but I can't find an entrance. Anyway, do you guys want to take a tour around the neighbourhood? And by "neighbourhood", I mean forest. - Sure! - Mabel exclaimed - Dipper, isn't she the coolest? - Uh, y-yeah. - Dipper spoke cautiously and followed the two.

Wendy grabbed something from the counter, and as they left the building, it became obvious what did she take.

- Woah, woah, woah. - Dipper ran forward - You're not gonna tell me you will drive this. - he pointed to the golf-cart parked in front of the Mystery Shack. - Oh, you can drive, too? Cool. - Wendy spoke nonchalantly and tossed him the keys. - No, that's not what I meant-

Dipper tried to argue, but the girls were already in the car, looking at him with mischievous looks. He sighed and passed the keys back to Wendy, who, with her big boots, were just tall enough to reach the pedals. While Mabel was singing some silly song, Dipper was saying his last prayer, but he quickly realised he might have underestimated Wendy's abilities.

The three drove into the forest, down the old, beaten paths, and the two city kids were suddenly engulfed by the untamed, serene nature that surrounded them. The sounds of birds chirping, leaves rustling and the distant roar of waterfalls created ambience they only heard in documentary films. And with the sudden rush of clean air came the oxygen shock, and Dipper couldn't stop himself from speaking his mind.

- Wow, Wendy, this is...

He looked to his left and saw the same girl, whose long hair now flowed with the air, while her face and her green eyes were partially obscured by the flickering shadows of the nearby trees. Words got stuck in his throat, and only one came out.

- ...beautiful. - Yeah, it's nice around here. - she answered nonchalantly. - It gets weird when the trolls come from the mountains.

Dipper blinked.

- I'm sorry, what? - Yeah, they are a pain in the behind, but they're not that bad, unless you know how to handle them. And then there are the unicorns, those are jerks, but again, they stay in their glades. Man-bats can be weird, they get rebooted every season anyway, so as far as monster go, they are not that bad, and then there's-

Suddenly, Dipper gripped Wendy's shoulders and turned her towards him, the sheer horror on his face.

- THERE ARE MONSTERS HERE?! - Woah, Dipper, don't do that, or I'll ran into- - A TREE!

Mabel screamed and Wendy slammed the brake pedal, just as they were about to crash into a mighty tree. But only thanks to her reflexes, the car stopped, making only the tiniest contact with the tree that arose in front of them.

- Oh, geez, oh geez, Wendy, I'm so sorry, are you-are you okay? Mabel? What about you?

But neither of the girls reacted to Dipper's questions, staring at the obstacle they nearly ran into. And when Dipper followed their sight, he realised why. There was now a hole in the tree. Not a round one, not one caused by any of the parts of the golf-cart, but a rectangular, precisely cut one, and the door it was hidden behind hang onto the only remain hinge.

- Woah, guys, we found a treasure!

Wendy eagerly jumped out of the cart and crawled onto the mask, her hand already diving into the hidden compartment.

- We-Wendy, be careful there might be some rabid animal there-

Dipper alerted Wendy, who, from the looks on her face, already found something inside.

- Guys, there's some mechanism here!

The red-head eagerly pushed the button inside, and Dipper once more let out a faint meep when he felt that ground underneath him began moving, uncovering another obscured hole, this time underneath thick, metal sliding door. Mabel and Wendy rushed to the spot, but this time, they let out disappointing sighs.

- Eh? A book? Come on, I expected a treasure chest!

But this time Dipper reached for the old, brown-red book as quickly as Wendy jumped up the tree before. The corners were encased in golden metal that once probably shone brightly, but years have made that shine obscured underneath the thick layer of dust. The center of the book's cover was an outline of six-fingered hand as well as number "3", and there was a magnifying glass attached to it on a string.

With trembling hands, Dipper opened it, worrying the book might crumble to dust, but to his surprise and amazement, the book was in almost immaculate state, sans the yellowish tint the once-white pages have acquired.

As he shuffled through the pages, Wendy and Mabel leaned over his shoulders, and with each new hand-made drawings, their curiosity deepened, though only one of the three knew what Dipper might be holding in his hands.

- Holy smokes, guys! - Wendy exclaimed - I think this is some sort of guide to all the monsters and weirdness that happens around here. - she nudged Dipper in his arm - Dude, if you didn't distract me, we would have never found this. - Y-Yeah. - Dipper replied with a equally ecstatic smile - And-and it looks like some pages are written in a code, look!

He opened the book and pointed to a series of mysterious signs that looked random, but upon further inspection were clearly written with some thought in mind.

- Guys, this might be something really big! - Dipper cheered - I thought we might get bored to death here, but-

Suddenly, Dipper remembered why he nearly made Wendy crash their cart.

- Wait, Wendy, did you mention "monsters"? - Oh yeah, the woods are chock full of them. - Wendy shrugged - Like manotaurs, giant ducks, and... - CORDUROY!

The three turned their head around as a new voice reached them. Dipper nearly dropped the mysterious book when a creature from the very same drawing he was looking at materialised itself in front of them, together with dozens of its spike-hatted brethren.

- ...gnomes. - Wendy spoke in disgust and spat - What do you want, you jerks? - We told you not to come here - one of the gnomes spoke - Not after your father tore down our forest. - Ugh. - Wendy rolled her eyes - He is a lumberjack, what else was he supposed to do? - We-Wendy, maybe we should-

Dipper's concern became real when the small, inoffensive-looking gnomes suddenly gathered around, and from the mass of colourful hats, a new, humongous gnome arose, comprised of the whole pack that just a moment ago looked comical.

- Er, okay, guys, it's time to scram.

Wendy didn't have to say it twice to the twins. The three jumped into the cart and Wendy slammed her foot onto the gas, driving them back towards the Shack. Mabel and Dipper watched as the monstrous mega-gnome was left behind, and for a moment, they thought they might have escaped its wrath. But a moment later, a deafening roar shook the forest and the colossal gnome appeared from behind the trees, running after them much faster than they anticipated.

- We-Wendy! It's-it's getting closer! - Check the book! - What? - Check the book, maybe there's something in it!

Dipper and Mabel quickly opened the mysterious journal back onto the page that described the gnomes. Dipper frantically looked through the hand-written descriptions, hearing the ominous, thundering footsteps behind him.

- Er... Er... We-wendy, there's nothing about their weaknesses! - Well, we'll have to improvise. - Wendy spoke - Hold on, guys! - Ah, my hat!

Dipper reached to grab his brown hat that flew with the wind and as it collided with the mouth of the gnome it was torn into pieces.

She made a sharp turn, and the next moment the twins found that for the second time this day their cart was on a collision course, this time with something much bigger.

- We-Wendy! The water tower! - Mabel screamed, but the red-hair was already steeping out of the cart as it slowed down.  

Something metallic shone onto her belt, and with a quick "Be right back", Wendy disappeared.

- Oh, great, she left us! - Dipper panicked, but Mabel pointed up. Dipper followed her, perhaps just to avert his eyes from the oncoming death.

With an axe in her hand, Wendy was climbing up the water tower, as as the gigantic gnome was about to squish Dipper and Mabel, she struck the old cistern, and jumped to the nearby tree, as the pressure did the rest. A stream of water hit the gnome in the face, and it began disintegrating, as if it was made from sugar, revealing each and every single little gnome that were part of it.

Like cats treated with a sprinkler, the might enemy dispersed, cursing Corduroy's name as they came back into the woods. With the same grace, Wendy jumped to the ground, welcomed by Dipper's and Mabel's overjoyed cheering.

- Wendy, that was the coolest... - ...most irresponsible, but definitely coolest... - ...think we've ever seen! - Wow, Your mom must be so proud of you! - Mabel exclaimed. - Yeah... I suppose she would be. - Wendy looked away for a moment - You gotta learn how to deal with these guys. Maybe I can help you complete this book, eh?

For a moment, Dipper didn't realise Wendy was addressing him. Though the water around them made the air chilly, he felt hot when his eyes locked with hers, and only Mabel's hand breaking that contact brought him down to earth.

- Oh, oh yeah! Sure!

Wendy raised her brow, and only after a while she realised that was missing from Dipper's usual look.

- Dipper, your hat's gone. - Oh, oh yeah, but it's not a big deal, Grunkle Stan has tons of caps in the Shack, I'm sure he will-

But before he could end the sentence, Wendy plucked her oversized hat onto his head. And as she ruffled his hair, she suddenly noticed something peculiar on his forehead.

- Woah, what's that? A birthmark? - Y-Yeah - Dipper blushed - It kinds looks like... - A big dipper! - Wendy exclaimed - Wow, that's so cool! Now I get why people call you that.

Once more, Dipper found himself speechless, looking at the stunning, brave girl, whose red hair were now illuminated by rainbows from the last streams of water leaking from the water tower. And before he knew it, they were back at the Shack, saying goodbye, as the sun was setting down, and their new friend had to go home.

- Oh, by the way... - Wendy's cheeks turned crimson - You are not the only one with a weird name. My middle one's Blerble.

She stuck her tongue out and waved the twins goodbye, before she ran into the forest, following a path only she knew.

Dipper let out a sigh and was about to walk into the shack, when he collided with his sister, and was met face-to-face with the widest of snarky grins he has ever seen.

- What? - Someone's in lo-ove! - Mabel sang - Come on, Mabel. - Dipper rolled his eyes. - It's not like that. - Oh yeah, mister "It's not like that" - she mocked him - You couldn't take your eyes from her! We drove past like a dozen of weird things and you didn;t even flinch, you were ogling her soooo much!

Dipper walked faster, trying to escape Mabel's taunts.

- Mabel, Wendy is just our friend, we just met her! And yeah, she is cool, and can climb trees, and knows all about the wildlife, and she saved our lives, and she wants to help work on the... the book with me...

Dipper Pines stopped in the middle of the Mystery Shack, and uttered a single "Oh no", just as Mabel erupted into laughter.

[anistarrose]

The Fishtank Between Time and Space (GF One-Shot)

Summary: Stan doesn’t think much of the pet axolotl Ford left behind… until he realizes hardly anyone else can see it.

Word Count: 2100

Warnings: none

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20653508

***

Stan initially figures it’s just a weird pet of Ford’s, simple as that. After all, Ford was okay with him adopting a possum and tying a knife to it when they were kids — little pink salamanders are frankly very normal, by the standards of Stanford Pines.

(Not to mention by the standards of the town that is Gravity Falls. Ford could’ve caught all kinds of disturbing creatures out there in the woods, like a feral gnome or a literal sentient fire... or like something that Stan hasn’t even laid eyes upon, only knowing of its existence from the creaking and rattling noises he always hears when venturing through the forest at night. But thankfully, Ford hasn’t invited any rabid beasts or dark entities that Stan knows of into his house, and Stan’s grateful for that.)

But the salamander — the “axolotl,” Stan learns after finally breaking down and doing some basic research — always feels just a little bit off, in a way he sometimes struggles to put his finger on.

He thinks it’s all in his head, how the beady eyes always seem to be fixed on him. How it never seems to stop smiling. How he’s never once seen it eat, even though the food pellets he gives it never seem to accumulate on the bottom of the tank.

He doesn’t know a whole lot about axolotls in general, and on the basis of that ignorance, he convinces himself that the salamander Ford left behind is perfectly normal.

Until one day a few months after Ford’s disappearance, when something rare happens — he has company other than the usual tourists.

It’s just Boyish Dan Corduroy, hired with some of the first spare cash Stan has had in a long time to come in and fix a few squeaky doors. But he takes his time lumbering through the living room on his way out, which sets Stan on edge. None of the secrets he’s hiding are possible to uncover from this floor of the house, but habit keeps him anxious. Throughout the rare times in his life in which he’s had a residence to call his own, visitors have almost always meant bad news.

Dan’s gaze lands on the fishtank, which has been diligently maintained as a healthy environment for salamanders even though the rest of the room is an unorganized mess. (There are a lot of jabs you could take at Stan’s character, but for whatever reason, he’s developed a soft spot for Ford’s old pet.) As always, the axolotl’s eyes stay fixed on Stan, even though the lumberjack is closer.

“You keep this tank pretty clean,” Dan notes. “You gonna buy some fish or something soon?”

“Well, I’ve already got the —” Stan pauses, realizing he’s not sure how to pronounce axolotl. “The salamander.”

Dan presses his face close to the side of the tank, inches from where the axolotl sits, gills twitching. “Really? Where?”

“You serious? It’s literally right in front of your face — that thing with the pink frills and the beady eyes?”

Dan steps back from the tank, throwing an arm behind Stan the clap him on the back. “Ah, I see what you’re doing! It’s a new attraction you’re testing out on me — the invisible salamander! Good one!”

“Are you — are you fucking with me? Can you really not see —”

But Dan’s already leaving. “Good luck with the Murder Hut business!” his voice boomed from the porch outside. “I’ll tell everyone to come visit your invisible friend!”

Stan whirls around back towards the tank. “Do you know what the fuck that was?” he asked the axolotl. “Who’s really pranking me here — Dan, or you?!”

The axolotl offers no reply, and Stan feels like an idiot for the brief moment in which he’d genuinely expected one.

“Maybe Ford did some weird occult shit to you, and you didn’t have a choice in the matter,” Stan mutters, shuddering slightly as he thought back to all the cracked prisms and X-ed out eyes he’d discovered in his brother’s house. “Or maybe I’m going crazy and hallucinated you all along.”

A bubble comes out of the axolotl’s mouth, rising to the top of the tank before bursting with a satisfying — and very real-sounding — pop.

“Thanks for the reassurance.” Stan tosses a handful of food into its tank, and trudges back to his bedroom upstairs.

There was one rule that Stan very quickly established as he began to run the Muder Hut — or the Mystery Shack, as he was thinking of renaming it — and that rule was not to keep anything genuinely supernatural around, unless it was vital to getting Ford back.

But the axolotl… well, it’s still up for debate whether it really is magical, but Dan hadn’t seemed like he’d been joking, and Stan’s pretty sure that if he was going to hallucinate, he wouldn’t imagine into existence a real salamander that he’d never heard of before with perfect accuracy.

Stan doesn’t want to get rid of it, though. He’s gotten used to the axolotl’s company and the routine of caring for it, even though its eyes still weird him out from time to time. And it’s already been around for months without showing any malicious tendencies, so… would there really be any harm in keeping it around?

***

Months, years, and then decades pass, and Stan’s relationship with the axolotl stays more or less the same. He feeds it and cleans its tank, it smiles at him, and he feels just the tiniest bit less lonely. It’s not much in terms of companionship, but Stan is happy to take what he can get. He talks to it sometimes, telling it about all the places he’s searched for Ford’s journals and all the roadblocks he keeps hitting while he works on reactivating the portal, and it always looks so encouraging.

But two things happen during those years — the first being that Stan becomes convinced that something supernatural is going on with that salamander.

Business is booming so dramatically that he can hardly handle it all on his own, and he goes through several handymen and cashiers before eventually firing each one. Almost all of them comment on the empty fishtank at one point or another, gesturing right towards the spot where Stan can see the axolotl floating, clear as day.

He definitely wonders if he really is hallucinating it after all, but then the second interesting thing happens: someone else notices the axolotl. Several someones.

“I didn’t know you had any pets besides the goat, Mr. Pines!” Soos exclaimes on his second full day working at the Mystery Shack, smooshing his face up against the side of the tank. “What a weird fish!”

Stan is so caught of guard that he doesn’t even think to explain that it’s actually a salamander. “Uh… yeah. It sure is.”

Soos frowns. “Something wrong, Mr. Pines?”

Stan folds his arms, shaking his head even though his mind is racing. “Me? I’m fine. Just wasn’t expecting you to spot the shy little guy, since it usually likes to… you know, hide from strangers. Now, were we going to try and fix the golf cart, or not?”

And that’s the end of the axolotl discussion with Soos, over as quickly as it had begun. During the rare occasions Stan leaves the Mystery Shack, he always instructs Soos to feed it, and the axolotl always seems happy and healthy when he returns. He cannot for the life of him figure out why he and Soos seem to be the only two people in the world who can see it, but eventually he gives up on wondering. A mystery like that would’ve always been more of a question for Ford, anyways.

When he hires Wendy, it takes a while for him to realize that she can see it too. She spends so many weeks passing by the fishtank and not commenting on it that when she finally brings it up, Stan nearly spits out his coffee.

“Where’d you get that salamander, Mr. Pines? My science teacher is looking for a class pet, but everyone just keeps suggesting boring stuff like hamsters.”

“Uh… it came with the Shack. Two-for-one kinda deal, you know.”

“Darn, I was hoping you fished it out of the lake or something. Then I could’ve just gone and caught one myself.”

A few years later, when the twins arrive for the summer, Stan’s heart aches as he watches them discover the fishtank for the first time.

“Hey, Dipper, come check this out! Do you know what kind of animal this is?”

“Whoa, is that an axolotl? That’s so cool! I think I read that in Aztec mythology, they’re associated with the god of twins!”

“Really? Then you’ve just made the perfect new summer pals, Mister Axolotl!”

“Don’t tap on the glass like that, Mabel. You might scare it.” Dipper notices Stan watching them, and immediately starts firing off question after question. “Where did you get it? Do you ever show it to tourists? How long have you had it? How long do axolotls live? It looks pretty small — is it still a juvenile? Do they ever get bigger than this?”

Stan sighs. “Kid, I didn’t even know how to pronounce the world ‘axolotl’ until you showed up today. All I know is how to keep it fed — anything else, and you’re better off looking it up at the library or on a computer or wherever.”

“Well, you at least know where you got it from, right?”

Stan scoops a spoonful of food into the tank, avoiding eye contact with Dipper as he headed back to the gift shop. “I do, but it wouldn’t be the Mystery Shack if I didn’t keep a few secrets, would it?”

Dipper groans. “You’re no fun.”

***

When the axolotl disappears, it hits Stan harder than it should.

Even after thirty years of taking care of it, he never quite thought of it as his pet. It always struck him as more like a roommate, if anything — a lovable little freeloader who came in on its own terms, and stuck around only because it liked the place. Stan’s never given any thought as to why, but he’s always just felt weirdly certain that it could leave at any time if it wanted to.

And now, it has.

So he can’t help but wonder if it’s his fault. If he didn’t clean the tank enough, or cleaned it too much, or wasn’t fast enough noticing or resolving the situation with the lobster Mabel dumped in the tank.

Maybe it wasn’t anything he did. Maybe the axolotl just got bored of watching a man spending thirty years lying to tourists, forging his own brother’s signature, failing to learn quantum physics, and ultimately accomplishing absolutely nothing worthwhile.

Eventually, the kids notice and ask him, and this time he can’t spin it as a secret he’s keeping. He genuinely doesn’t know.

***

After Weirdmageddon, Stan’s memories are a two-thousand piece puzzle scattered across a tabletop, and he thinks he’s starting to fit some of the edge pieces together again, but there are still more gaps than connections. He remembers that the people who have been doting on him and showing him pictures are his family, and he remembers that he loves them and trusts them to help restore him to his former self, but progress is just… so… slow.

He doesn’t remember why they say he saved the world. He’s pretty sure they’re stretching the truth a little, but after seeing the way Ford’s face fell when Stan first asked why everyone was calling him a hero, he’s decided not to correct them.

So what if he doesn’t feel heroic? If it makes his family feel better, he’ll keep it to himself — it’s the least he can do, considering how many tears they’ve already shed for him.

But the first morning after his alleged act of heroism, while trudging through the ramshackle ruins of (he thinks) his house — a flicker of motion from behind cracked glass catches his eye.

The fishtank is nearly drained of water, but a familiar salamander sits in the puddle at the bottom, beaming at him. Stan blinks and rubs his eyes, wondering if he’s still dreaming, but then —

It speaks to him, in an ethereal and musical voice that resonates oddly in his ears, like he’s hearing the echo before he hears the words themselves.

I am so proud of you, Stanley.

“For what?”

Everything.

It dissolves into a froth of tiny, pink, glowing bubbles, which burst one by one as they float towards the top of the tank, and then the axolotl is gone.

***

(End notes:

So one day a few weeks ago, I just randomly woke up thinking “what if the Axolotl was only visible to the members of the Zodiac?” and several bouts with writers’ block later, here we are! Thoughts/comments/reblogs are welcomed as always!)

[cttrmole]

* CAN’T MAKE THIS UP ; CAN’T TAKE IT BACK  .

isn’t that REGINALD CATTERMOLE? yeah that is HIM, sitting there at the HUFFLEPUFF table with those other SIXTH years and i think i heard sybill saying they look like ALEX  FITZALAN… whoever that is! when she looks into her crystal ball she sees callused hands covered in grease, beads of sweat dripping down the line of your back mid-summer, eternally messy hair, toothy grins, smothered laughter in the back of a classroom, the sound of skateboard wheels struggling over cobblestone, steady hands, a tricked out broomstick, chewing a massive wad of bubblegum, and hacking up a lung after your first cigarette.  anyway i’ve heard they’re pretty INVENTIVE, SELF-SACRIFICING, and STEADFAST. apparently they’re a HALFBLOOD but i’m sure that’s not related.

STATS:

full name: reginald stanley cattermole

age: sixteen

house: hufflepuff, 6th year

personality type: istp, the virtuoso

alignment: chaotic good

patronus: golden retriever

boggart: a rabid wolf

inspiratons: leo valdez (the last olympian), lip gallagher (shameless), jesper fahey (six of crows), j cody (animal kingdom), geordi la forge (star trek: the next generation), dipper pines (gravity falls), samwise gamgee (lord of the rings) 

BIOGRAPHY:

reg cattermole is the embodiment of what his magical mother would consider perfectly blended between the magical and muggle worlds. attending muggle primary school until his magic started to show itself, he was considered a prodigy by most of his teachers –– smart as a whip, good with his hands and an all around ray of sunshine in the classroom, his teachers were devastated when his mother pulled him out at eight for “homeschooling.”

his father is a muggle mechanic, and has been teaching reg all he knows about metalwork and mechanics since reg was old enough to take an interest. every summer, reg goes home and works with his father in the shop fixing local cars the muggle way. 

at hogwarts, he spends most of his time in his dorm or the library, building tiny metal contraptions and charming them to perform tasks he otherwise would rather not do. his biggest claim to fame so far was the metal dog he built in third year that bit down on his ankle and wouldn’t let go –– which earned him time in the hospital wing. 

he earns top marks in most of his classes and is impossibly clever, so much so that people have been wondering why he wasn’t sorted into ravenclaw since he arrived for his first year. 

despite his erudite inclinations, reg is a people person when it comes down to it. he’s selfless to a fault, willing to give a friend the shirt off of his back and more. he’s also the owner of an incredibly laid back attitude, taking everything as it comes and rolling with the punches. he’s friendly with most if not all people at hogwarts, and would go to battle for half of them any day. the only reason someone might not like him is if they find his nonchalant positivity annoying –– which is definitely a possibility because i almost find him annoying lowkey lol.

he’s the captain of the hufflepuff quidditch team and also their keeper, an honour he does not take lightly – if he’s not fiddling around with his metal contraptions, he’s working on plays for their matches. (and occasionally spying on other houses’ team practices, though you didn’t hear that from me)

basically he’s an eternally chill, very happy, big word usin’, goofy ass know it all who’ll try anything once and never takes ANYTHING seriously.

[spaceumbredoggos]

Dipper got rabies from a deer monster. This might affect Dipper into transforming g into a deer monster and fighting with Kenz often. Lemme cook on this one.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Tapes

The Mystery Shack was quiet, a rare treat for the hectic household. Waddles was enjoying the silence, glad to be back in his old home. He enjoyed the scratches behind the ear from Mr. Pines and the belly-rubs from Mrs. Pines and the couch in the living room back in Piedmont, but the pig felt comforted by the sounds and smells of the cabin in the woods of Gravity Falls. It was like being hugged by an old friend or a family member unseen for too long. While he slept in the old armchair, the only human in the house sat on the floor, watching the pig sleep.

Ford shook his head and chuckled under his breath, craning his neck to look at Mabel's pet. It was cloudy outside, like it might rain soon, but for now the weather was dry. Ford turned to face front again, facing the TV, as he sat on the carpet with a big box out in front of him. At the end of last summer, when trying to help Stan regain his lost memories, Ford had dug out some old home-movies of the twins going on adventures, building the Stan O' War, and battling ghost pirates. When it was time to depart for the sea, in the chaos of it all, the film reels Ford had kept hidden away over the years had been haphazardly shoved into a box that was then tucked by the TV. Reorganizing the movies seemed like a nice task to take part in with everyone else in the Shack gone.

Carefully as to not ruin the tapes, Ford laid out each reel on the carpet and started to read the labels. Some were neatly written in his mother's handwriting, while others were quickly jotted down in Stan's chicken scratches or in Ford's little cursive writing. Quests to find the Jersey Devil, adventures to discover Atlantis, and progress of their beloved boat all laid out on either side of the old scientist, and Ford held his cleft chin with a six-fingered hand when his eyes averted back to the cardboard box and discovered VCR tapes.

Ford began to read the labels. Well, all the labels there were, anyways. Some of the tapes were blank and intrigued Ford the most, and so to discover what they were and how to best organize the home-videos, he randomly selected a tape and slipped it in the VCR player. He turned on the screen and pressed play on the player. After a quick second of nothing but static, Ford smiled at seeing his grandnephew sitting at the desk in the attic-bedroom that separated the younger twins' beds.

"Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained." The boy said, taking advantage of the night as he sat in his orange t-shirt and grey shorts. "Today, Gravity Falls' Anomaly #13: The Modius Chicken Strip."

Ford made himself comfortable, his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, as he watched the twelve-year-old give a small investigation about said chicken strip. It seemed like the kind of thing Ford would've done at Dipper's age. His mind began to wander when the Dipper on screen said,

"Well, that concludes Gravity Falls' Anomaly #13: The Modius Chicken Strip." He pulled the strip out of the basket and munched on it happily. "It's infinitely delicious."

Suddenly, catching Ford's attention, some small creature sped by the camera, knocking it over and sending playing cards all over the floor.

"Whoa! Hey! What the…? Ah!" Ford watched as Dipper aimed the camera at his sleeping twin sister. "Mabel, did you see that? Wake up!"

"Never. Let me sleep forever." Mabel moaned as she turned her back on her brother, making Ford chuckle. Yup, she was definitely related to Stan.

"Some creature just jumped out of nowhere!" Dipper explained. "It's eating out leftover Summerween candy!"

That got Mabel's attention. "What?!"

"Look!"

Ford peered at the screen as Dipper turned the camera to where a small monster was nestled inside an old tire and eating the children's Summerween candy. The scientist's eyes widened with wonder and disgust as he saw a…

"Ew, it's like a… naked little man." Mabel said it best and Ford privately agreed with her, its sharp teeth, beady red eyes and lack of sanity making it apparent that it wasn't human. Ford honestly didn't know what it was. A rabid gnome? A gremlin?

"Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, #76… uh, That Thing." Dipper announced to the camera as he showed a title card to the one-man audience.

Ford edged himself closer to the screen as Mabel tried to get the monster to drop the basket of candy, but he only licked it creepily and the static appeared again, but was soon replaced with Dipper wearing some sort of makeshift armor out of stuffed animals and had clubs and a trash can for weapons.

"I'm gonna capture him for science." Dipper said boldly.

"And for candy!" Mabel added from behind the camera. Sweet Lord, how similar were Mabel and Dipper to Stan and Ford?

"Get this on tape in case I die or whatever."

Ford laughed and watched with a smile on his face as Dipper slowly crept up to That Thing and tried to trap it. Using a club to edge the candy closer, he waited until the monster grab the treat and Dipper just barely missed it with his little trap. That Thing climbed up the ceiling, the bucket of candy in his sharp teeth, and Mabel tried to hit it with a stuffed toy that only fell back on her as she yelled, "Die, mutant, die!" The creature ran out of the bedroom and the twins followed, the camera losing focus for a moment as the kids ran down the stairs. That Thing pounced on Dipper when they reached the living room and the video cut to the monster sitting on top of the fridge. Eventually they chased it back into the living room to then have it be distracted to the TV. Ford laughed at the irony, seeing how he was just as drawn to the TV screen now as the monster was to whatever movie he was watching.

The film cut away and made Ford laugh again to find the children sitting and eating candy as they watched the movie with the monster, to whom Soos confused for Stan. That was the end of the tape and it soon poked out of the player. Ford rewind the tape as he looked for a new one to watch. That same pride he had for his nephew when he read the boy's entries in Journal 3, when Dipper saved him from the spaceship, and when Dipper graduated middle school last month returned strongly in Ford's chest. The same could be said for Mabel, too. The logical part of Ford told him to only glance at the tapes so he could know how to organize them best, but his softer side told him to enjoy watching the tapes he didn't know existed until three minutes ago.

The second tape showed Dipper holding the camera as he stood in town. "Alright, ah… welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Today we investigate Gravity Falls' Anomaly #82: This Guy." Dipper panned the camera to a balding man with a mustache reading a newspaper and sipping coffee in a bowling alley. He looked like he was an employee on his break. "Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal explain why he's always facing left."

The video cut away to many shots of the man always facing left, and Ford had to admit that his behavior was very abnormal. He held his chin in thought as the man was so inclined to run and walk backward to avoid being seen by his right side.

"Literally, I've been following him around for weeks, and I've never once seen the right side of his face. And neither has anyone else." Dipper explained. "But why? Mabel. Theories?"

The camera panned to Mabel as she pulled out a bunch of drawings of their theories and narrated through them. "Theory One: he's hiding an embarrassing sunburn. Theory Two: half-man, half-lizardman. And Theory Three (my person favorite): he's normal, and Dipper's just crazy!"

"That's not a theory! That doesn't count as a theory!"

Mabel and Ford both laughed and Dipper walked into the bowling alley, giving Mabel control of the camera as he managed to convince the poor guy that it wasn't on. Dipper tried to get the guy to show his right side by passing shoes and giving Dipper his fallen wallet, but in the end it looked like the boy was going to give up, until the man was about to pick out a bowling ball and Dipper shoved him by the shoulder, revealing the right side. Ford gasped as half of a robotic man was missing, revealing little green jelly-like creatures that committed suicide as soon as their cover was blown. The robot was disassembled, caught fire, and set off the sprinklers in the bowling alley.

"Well, that concludes anomaly #82!" Dipper said as he and his sister ran for their lives. "Uh, I think we might wanna burn this tape!"

Ford shook his head, seeing how the boy must have forgotten to, and he rewind it before selecting another tape. The old scientist had seen many things in his inter-dimensional travels and within the magnetism of Gravity Falls, but anomaly number eight-two might be best left alone. Regardless, he had no intention of burning the tape. Ford picked another tape at random and slipped it into the VCR player. He chuckled at seeing Dipper's abnormally-large head being crushed by his sister's fingers.

"Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head in Mabel."

"I'm helping!"

"Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained - okay that, that's enough - today, we investigate Anomaly #23: Grunkle Stan's Secret Tattoo."

Ford's heart sunk uncomfortably as the camera panned to a board full of Stan's back and shoulder and ideas of what the hidden symbol could be. Clearly, Stan was very careful to not let anyone see it, and today the children were going to try to figure out why and what it was.

"What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger?" Dipper asked the camera. "Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out."

Ford was deaf to Mabel trying to show what was under her bandage as he thought about the "tattoo". Stan's scar was a painful reminder of everything Ford had done to him, of all the things Ford did to his brother over the years, like refusing to thank him after saving him from the Nightmare Realm, letting him live on the streets for ten years, and erasing his mind. He had called Stan up to Gravity Falls, he had demanded Stan take the first journal and get as far away as possible, he had refused to let Stan destroy the book, and he had kicked Stan into the hot symbol, burning through his clothes, killing his flesh, and leaving him tagged like an animal.

Ford rewind the tape when he saw Dipper hiding on the roof from an angry uncle and picked up another tape to watch. He had just pulled out the tape with Stan's scar when the door opened and closed and Waddles perked up. Mabel came into view and the pig ran into her arms. She giggled at having her cheek licked and hugged her pet tightly.

"Hi, Waddles. Did you have a nice nap?" Mabel looked up and her smile grew. "Hey, Grunkle Ford! Whatcha doin'?"

"Hello, Mabel." Ford greeted as he carefully stacked the already-watched tapes and picked out a new one to watch. Hopefully the next one wouldn't shove his mistakes back in his face. "I'm organizing these videos."

"Oo!" Mabel said and put Waddles down, who retreated back to the armchair and curled up for a nap.

The brunette pulled put out a blue sweater-in-the-making, some yarn, and a pair of needles from behind the armchair and sat next to Ford on the floor. The old scientist smiled down at his grandniece and started the next video.

"Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Anomaly #54: The Mailbox."

Mabel's eyes widened and she gasped, "You found Dipper's tapes! Hey, I remember when we found that mailbox."

"You do?" Ford asked as Dipper explained how the mailbox had no house or address.

Mabel nodded and scooted closer to Grunkle Ford as she knitted a sweater. Ford smiled, sat with his legs crossed, and had Mabel in his lap as they watched Soos slip a letter into the mailbox. Mabel looked up to see Ford's shocked expression when the tail of the mailbox lifted on it's own and a new letter was inside the mailbox. The thirteen-year-old girl laughed and continued to watch Dipper and Soos test the mailbox.

"What did I shave into my head this morning? 'A baby duck holding a paddle ball.' Dude! It knew!"

"What?!"

"Ask it more questions!"

"When is the end of the world? '3012'. Huh, we got awhile."

"Who's my dream-woman? Whoa! Hot tamales! Save that one for the archives…"

"What is the exact time and date of my death?"

"Did aliens built the pyramids?"

"Or… what is the meaning of life?"

"What are marshmallows made out of?"

"Or… who wrote Journal #3?!"

"Who wrote the journal?! WHO WROTE THE JOURNAL?!"

Ford's face suddenly felt hot as his nephew said, "We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!"

Mabel laughed over the tape of her destroying the mailbox by trying to mail a video of her shoving gummy worms up her nose at remembering her twin's old obsession. "Oh, man! I almost forgot how crazy Dip-Dip was to find you! He spent half of last summer obsessing over who wrote the journal."

Ford smiled gently at remembering the excitement Dipper had when he first met his great-uncle. While Mabel had happily shaken his hand, claiming his extra finger made it more friendlier than normal, Dipper had nearly thrown up over discovering who the Author of the Journals was. Not only that, but the author was a family member - his long-lost Great Uncle Stanford - and would grow closer to him as time went on.

Ford rewinded the tape and looked down at Mabel pleasantly. "I can imagine it was thrilling to have such a big mystery solved."

Mabel nodded. "At first we thought it was Old Man McGucket, but then we found a memory that explain that he was your assistant. We kinda hit a roadblock after that, but I know Dipper never stopped thinking about it, even if he was dealing with Time Baby, an angry Love God, or a level-ten ghost." Mabel picked up a tape and said, "Let's watch this one next!"

Ford let her slip it into the machine since the episode about the mailbox was done resetting, and they watched an episode in which Dipper and Mabel tried to find The Hide Behind. Ford let out a soft "ah" when he recognized the page in Journal 3 that told of a "mysterious creature always just out of sight". First, Dipper did some interviews to confirm from locals if The Hide Behind was real or not.

"The Hide Behind?" Manly Dan asked and Ford smiled fondly at seeing who had once been a teenager and built his home was now a grown man with his own kids, three of which was cutting a tall tree down behind the lumberjack. "Oh, he's real alright, REAL AS MY BEARD!"

"I remember Boyish… I mean, Manly Dan." Ford told the girl in his lap. "He and his father built this house. Well, mostly he built the house. Dav Corduroy wasn't as young as he once was, but Dan was more than up to the task."

"Wendy's dad built the Shack?!" Mabel gasped.

"Yup." Ford chuckled.

"Dad…"

"It's comin' down!"

"DADDY'S DOING A MOVIE!"

Dan yelled without even looking behind him as a tree was falling and threatened to crash his house. "He's doing a movie now…"

Ford and Mabel both laughed as the tree fell on top of their house and then the video cut to an interview with Lazy Susan. A flash of lightning and then the sound of thunder occurred while the pair of Pines watched the home-video of Lazy Susan spinning and Grunkle Stan grunting that the people of Gravity Falls were literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally. And to prove a point, the video cut back to Lazy Susan pointlessly spinning on one spot.

By the time the video about The Hide Behind had ended, it was raining hard outside. The drops of water drummed on the roof and the thunder and lightning were distant enough that they were not afraid of a disaster occurring and could enjoy the sights and sounds of the summer storm. Ford and Mabel both awed at the dark figure that hid behind Dipper as he walked away. Ford's eyes were as wide as saucers and he grinned.

"Incredible! Dipper managed to get the Hide Behind on camera!"

"Wait until Dipping Sauce finds out!" Mabel said gleefully.

While Ford rewinded the tape, Mabel suddenly jumped up and ran off. Soon the sweet smell of popcorn wafted from the kitchen and into the living room, and Mabel soon came back with a big bowl of popcorn.

"What good is watching movies without snacks?" Mabel asked as she held up the bowl to her Grunkle Ford.

He smiled. "I agree, my dear. Thank you." He popped some pieces into his mouth and the teenager resumed her spot on his lap and continued to work on her blue sweater.

Ford inserted the tape just as the door opened and closed once more. Dipper walked in, wet from the trip home, and pulled his blue journal out of his vest to make sure it was dry. He sighed with relief to find that it was, looked at his family in the living room, and said, "Hey guys, what are you watching?"

The teenager's eyes widened when he saw himself appear on the screen.

"Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Anomaly #42: The Tooth."

"Oh, no!" Dipper panicked, his hands over his signature pinetree hat, the hat he had traded with Wendy when he left last summer and had gotten back when the twins arrived back in Gravity Falls. "No, no no!"

"C'mon, Dipper!" Mabel whined as the camera panned to giant tooth, scaled by Mabel.

The video then cut to Dipper playing the tuba. The boy groaned and held his face, covering his eyes, as Ford marveled at his grandnephew playing an instrument by the lake.

"You play the tuba?" Grunkle Ford observed and turned to find Dipper clearly uncomfortable. A bit confused as to what the boy was embarrassed about, Ford said, "Don't worry, Dipper. I can play the piano."

"You can?" Mabel awed as she watched the screen and saw her twin brother examine the giant tooth.

"Your great-grandmother taught me before Pa made Stanley and I take boxing lessons." Ford explained and cringed. He made himself promise to never refer to Ma as a great-grandmother again; it made him feel too old.

The video cut to Tate McGucket in his tackle-shop as Dipper and Mabel interviewed him. Dipper sat in the armchair with Waddles and petted the pig to give him something to do other than watch in humiliation.

Ford stared and pointed to the TV. "Wait, is that Fiddleford's son? Tater?"

Mabel nodded. Sweet Lord, the four-year-old boy was all grown up. A man now. Yes, Ford was well aware he had been gone for thirty years, but to see Dan and Tate had changed so much really showed how much time has passed. Then again, they weren't the only people to have changed. Pa was gone, Ma was now a great-grandmother, Shermie had grandchildren for crying out loud! Shermie's son, whom Ford had seen as a baby when he was in high-school, had children of his own. So much time had passed in the long years Ford had roamed the dimensions after the incident. He became so lost in his own thoughts that he almost didn't catch Mabel's response to his question.

"Yeah! He's a nice guy! Isn't he living with McGucket now?"

"That's what I heard." Dipper said from the armchair.

Ford nodded in agreement, having heard from his Fiddleford recently, and the old scientist tried to focus on the home-video.

"I'm here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel for backup."

"And I brought Bear-O, my adorable childhood puppet! Hey-Oh! Ain't that right, honey? 'Did somebody say "honey"?!' Haha!"

"Nope. Creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O."

"'But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?'"

Mabel had asked in her Bear-O voice.

"I can think of a few people."

While the screen showed just how much people hated Bear-O, Mabel glanced up to see what her Grunkle Ford thought of her childhood puppet. She grinned, mistakenly taking his look of disgust for a look of delight, and said,

"Aw, see, Dipper?" The brunette said. "Grunkle Ford doesn't hate Bear-O!"

Dipper was too busy sitting in misery to argue as he watched the pair of twins paddling out onto the lake, thankfully without the creepy bear.

"Mabel, I have seen many disturbing things among my travels across the multiverse," Ford narrated. "Very little makes my skin crawl anymore, but somehow Bear-O has managed it."

"Thank you, Grunkle Ford!" Dipper sighed.

"Boo!" Mabel yelled as she resumed her knitting and watch as bubbles started to come up from the lake.

"Dipper, look!"

"They're over by that island!"

Ford leaned forward a little to see if his old theory of a giant head being disguised as an island was true. He had never taken the time to fully investigate, the idea coming to him in the midst of building the portal, but now he wondered if he was going to receive some answers thanks to his niece and nephew.

"We have to see what happens. What was that?" The camera glitched and something was rumbling. "Oh, no! What's happening?!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! ROW, ROW, ROW!"

Ford, Mabel and Dipper watched as the camera was sat in front of Dipper, facing him and the island, and watched as it emerged from the lake and yelled in a horrible voice; the island was in fact a giant floating head with a missing tooth.

"HOLY MOSES!" Ford yelled in shock.

"IT'S GETTING CLOSER! KEEP ROWING!" The camera glitched and soon the little audience saw Dipper looking for the camera. "I dunno. I've been looking for... there it is."He picked it up and explained, "Okay, after it attacked us, that giant head-thing just sunk back into the lake, and it lost another one of it's teeth trying to eat our boat! But the important thing is, we survived. Barely."

"Huh, yeah… 'Did somebody say "Bear-ly"?'"

Ford and Dipper both yelled in horror and Mabel scowled as she worked on her sweater angrily. Ford rewinded the tape and caught the sound of his nephew groaning in misery. He turned as much as he could with Mabel in his lap to find Dipper shielding his eyes as much as his hat could.

"Why did you have to look at those stupid tapes?" He groaned, embarrassed that his old idol had seen his amateur Guide to the Unexplained.

"Dipper, I thought you made those videos to show people the weird stuff or whatever." Mabel said as she worked. "Why are you getting so embarrassed over it?"

"I dunno, I just…" Dipper lifted his hat a little to uncover his eyes and he hugged his knees as he sat in the armchair with Waddles. "It's nothing but stupid aggression of an adolescent. I guess… I guess when I made them I never thought that one of the greatest investigators of anomalies would ever watch them."

Ford watched the teenager carefully and something dawned on him, something that nearly made him throw up. When Ford returned to his home dimension, he had his journals in his possession. He had opened Journal 3 and assumed that he'd skip a page or two from where he left off and resume documenting his research and findings in it, but he had found that his nephew had written and drawn on it. At the time, Ford was immensely angry about everything changing and needed to vent, so he passed off Dipper's recordings as pointless diary entries and spent all night spilling his aggravations onto the pages.

Dipper and Mabel only had the journal a handful of times after that. Ford had asked Mabel to record what she had discovered about unicorns and then Ford gave all three of the journals to Dipper to "look after them" while he hunted down the Mothman for some money he owed him, when in actuality Ford wanted to thank the boy for his loyalty and understanding by letting him look at his recordings, completely forgetting the harsh judgment he had indirectly delivered to Dipper by saying that being a twin was the only thing they had in common. If Dipper hadn't read Ford's rant then he most definitely did when the journal was restored and found just before summer ended.

Obviously, things were different than that first night Ford was home. Dipper and Ford had grown to be very close and the old scientist saw just how similar they were. It was a shame that Dipper never had a chance to read what Ford had written about his nephew before they threw the book into the Bottomless Pit. Ford had taken the time to read Dipper's last passage and wrote his own farewell, which contained something that Ford had mistakenly never taken the time to tell the young man. Ford had hoped that the old feeling of needing to earn his approval had died months ago, but clearly Dipper still felt the need to prove himself worthy to his hero. Ford was determined to make sure that Dipper knew that his fears were unfounded.

"Dipper," Ford said softly and the thirteen-year-old looked up at him. "I… I am flattered that you think so highly of me, but please understand that I hold you in the highest regard. You are far wiser at thirteen than I was at thirty and have a bright future ahead of you. And, for what it's worth, I'm very proud of you and your work, and I'm glad you recorded it so I could see it."

Dipper pressed his lips together and Ford was uncertain if he was trying to hold back a squeal or tears. He somewhat got his answers when Dipper wiped his stinging eyes with his arm and cleared his throat. "Th-Thanks, Grunkle Ford."

Ford gave him an encouraging smile and turned back to the VCR when it ejected the tape. "Unfortunately, this is the last one. Shame really, I've really enjoyed Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained."

"Let's make another one!" Mabel cried out and turned to Dipper. "What do you say, Dipper? What anomaly number should we work on?"

Dipper opened his journal and turned to the latest page. "I think I have just the oddity…"

"Hello! I'm Dipper Pines, here with one of the greatest investigators of anomalies of all time and achiever of twelve PhDs, Dr. Stanford Pines!"

"Thanks for the introduction, Dipper."

"Hey, how come I don't get one?!"

"Mabel, you're so spontaneous that you don't need one."

"I'll take that as a compliment!"

"Today we're here to investigate Anomaly #168: the Mothman. He owes Grunkle Ford some money and has been avoiding him ever since."

"But today we're gonna make that creepy bug pay him back! No one cheats a Pines!"

"You are definitely Stanley's niece."

[pinesconessecrets]

Pinescone Secret Santa

AN: 

Pinescone Secret Santa for @oakwoodouroboros-fics-and-art on tumblr!

Takes place after Gravity Falls. Wirt and Greg have gone up to Gravity Falls with Dipper and his family, and while everyone else is out, Dipper and Wirt decide to do a little hiking on their own.

Wirt wiped the sweat from his forehead. It was winter up in Gravity Falls, and he and his brother were spending their holiday vacation with the Pines family. Everyone else was out of the Shack visiting with friends, and Dipper had wanted to take Wirt on a hike through the woods. It was pretty cold for a hike, and Wirt could take or leave the forest, given some of his past experiences. But Dipper’s eyes had shone with excitement, and he was so eager to show Wirt his favorite bits of Gravity Falls weirdness, that Wirt couldn’t help but say yes. So they’d bundled up in sweaters and gloves, packed some food, and set off into the forest.

That was five hours ago.

Wirt took off his gloves. Hiking had made him way too hot, and his feet were aching. “Dipper, if we are lost in the woods again…”

“We’re not lost!”

“We’ve been hiking for hours. In circles. See that tree?” He pointed. “That’s from twenty minutes ago. When I lost my sanity.”

Dipper stopped and looked around. They’d reached a small, flat clearing, still carpeted with grass even with the approaching winter. “Well…I guess this is as good a place as any to –”

Wirt dropped his backpack with a thud and collapsed to the ground.

“– stop. Er…yeah.”

Wirt rolled over onto his back and let his arms flop out to the sides. “I feel a sudden and profound kinship with Sisyphus, pushing his boulder time and again to the top of the hill, just as we circle endlessly in this eternal forest. I am weary in my very soul.”

Dipper cracked a grin. “Sorry, Wirt.”

Wirt waved a hand and then let it drop back to the grass with a sigh, closing his eyes. The chilled ground felt great through his sweater. Not to mention that his feet and legs were practically creaking with relief at the opportunity to rest. It sort of reminded him of when he and Greg slept in the woods in the unknown. Right now Greg was off doing who-knew-what with Dipper’s sister, Mabel. He wondered if Greg was as tired as Wirt felt right now.

There came a scratching noise.

He cracked an eye open. Dipper was scribbling furiously in his journal.

“Oh, please tell me there’s not some magic bug thing in my hair.”

“Hang on one second, don’t move.”

Wirt swallowed. “There is, isn’t there? Oh man, if my hair turns blue like last time I –”

“Tada!”

Dipper held up his journal. He’d drawn a sketch of Wirt laying in the clearing, completely relaxed in the downy grass, an expression of perfect peace on his face.

Wirt blushed. “That is so unfairly cute.”

“Yes, you are!” Dipper said cheerfully, snapping the book shut. “I’ve gotta make a record of every amazing thing I see. And that includes a certain future Poet Laureate.”

“Don’t forget his muse, with the blessing of the heavens on his brow and the map to my heart in his hands.”

“Oh now who’s being unfairly cute?”

Dipper grinned and lay down on the grass next to Wirt, his head pillowed on Wirt’s arm. Wirt scooted him closer and turned, so Dipper’s hair brushed against his cheek like butterfly wings. Dipper drew one arm around Wirt and they lay there, just breathing, the quiet noises of the forest drifting over them, the cool air kissing their cheeks. He was already cooling off, but Dipper’s body radiated warmth and comfort. He sighed deeply. Maybe hiking for hours wasn’t so bad after all.

Suddenly Dipper’s radio crackled with static.

“Dipper? Are you there?”

Dipper groaned and reached for the radio. “Yeah, Mabel, I’m here.”

“You’re back home by now, right?”

“No, but we’re close.” Wirt swatted him playfully and Dipper smothered a laugh. “Sort of close. Why?”

“So HAHA FUNNY STORY! You know that magic weather druid-rock we found last Spring and weren’t supposed to touch?”

“You didn’t.”

A shadow fell over them and they looked up. A massive wall of clouds was slowly moving across the sky, dark and foreboding. The air temperature started dropping so fast the hairs on Wirt’s arms stood straight up.

There was a buzz of static. “– to show Grunkle Ford!” Mabel said. “We’re all up at the Manor, so we’re inside and we’re safe – Greg too – only we might have caused a –” A burst of static cut her off. The storm was so vast and heavy Wirt’s ears actually popped from the pressure, and he could feel the weight of it on his chest. Thunder boomed and the clouds unleashed a blinding fury of snow and ice.

“BLIZZARD!”

They jumped to their feet and ran. Wind struck their backs and thin shards of ice cut at their hands and faces. And they were just at the edge of it!

“Dipper! Where’s the Shack?!”

“Dead ahead, I think!”

“You think?!” Wirt yelled. “This is it! We’re gonna get caught in a snowstorm and freeze to death!”

“Less talking, more AAH!”

They braked hard as a tree in front of them gave a mighty CRACK and one of the upper limbs began to fall. Dipper slammed into Wirt’s side, knocking them to the right. He hit the ground with a thud and heard Dipper give a sharp cry.

“Dipper!”

“I’m fine!”

He wiggled out from the edge of the branch, his backpack slung on his arm. Wirt pulled him out the rest of the way, squinting as snowflakes sliced at his eyes and face. The snow was thickening and the wind was now so strong Wirt was crouching to keep from being swept away.

“THE SHACK!” he yelled over the gale.

Dipper started to point and gasped, holding his arm. Wirt grabbed his boyfriend around the shoulders and ran, lengthening his stride. The wind screamed in his ear. He glanced back and saw nothing but a wall of pure white, swallowing whole trees, eating up the ground like a rabid beast. He ran faster but the storm was practically on top of them. They’d be swallowed up in seconds.  His heart pounded.

Oh man oh man we’re gonna die we’re gonna –

Dipper yanked his hair and yelled. The Shack was ahead of them, slightly to the left, its dark peak already half-covered in white. He ran toward it. His legs ached and his lungs screamed and the snow drove icy fingers of death down his back –

They reached the door and Dipper hurled himself at it, forcing it open. Wirt tripped and crashed to the floor, dragging Dipper down with him. Dipper flung out a leg and kicked the door shut just as the blizzard reached the Shack, pounding furiously at the door, shaking the windows, whistling angrily from somewhere in the rafters like a very ticked-off tea kettle. The already-dark cabin slipped fully into the shadows as the windows darkened, so completely full of snow it was like someone had pressed pillows to every pane. The rafters creaked and groaned, and the shingles rattled, but the bones of the house stood firm.

For a second Wirt and Dipper lay on the floor, limbs tangled together, both of them breathing hard. Then Wirt dropped to the floor and started laughing.

“We made it!” he gasped. “I can’t believe we made it!”

Dipper went down on his elbow, half-smiling. “Yeah! Funny weather though! Oregon, am I right?”

Wirt laughed harder. It wasn’t even that funny, and at the same time he’d never heard a funnier joke in his life. The wind moaned against the wall and Wirt couldn’t catch his breath for laughing. Tears leaked out of his eyes.

“Geez, Wirt,” Dipper chuckled, raising a hand to push his damp bangs out of his eyes. Instantly his face turned white and he dropped his hand.

“Wh-what?” Wirt gasped, glancing up at Dipper. “You – okay?”

Dipper didn’t answer, just sat up with a low hiss, one arm pressing the other to his side. “I think the branch got me.”

Wirt sat up too, still breathing hard, and touched his boyfriend’s shoulder. Dipper turned obligingly.

Wirt held back a hiss of his own. The tree limb must’ve hit Dipper with its outermost branches – the ones that weren’t as heavy, but were even more flexible. It had cut across Dipper’s back like a whip, slicing a jagged line in Dipper’s sweater and leaving a nasty welt. Wirt very carefully pulled the fabric away from the skin and saw bruises already darkening along the line.

“It really stings,” Dipper said through gritted teeth. His teeth were starting to chatter, too. They were both nearly soaked from the snow, and Wirt’s socks were soggy with melted ice. He shivered.

One of his fingertips brushed Dipper’s wound and he jolted.

“S-sorry,” Wirt stammered. “Can you walk? If you g-get us dry clothes, I’ll m-m-make something to w-warm us up.”

“We should g-get these off, first,” Dipper said, motioning to their clothes. “At least our shirts and socks.”

Wirt was really freezing now, and his fingers felt like frozen fish sticks, but he grudgingly complied. When he took off his socks his feet were blue – actually blue, like a cold winter lake. But the worst part was taking off Dipper’s sweater. Wirt had to help him, and even then Dipper’s face was tight with pain.

They left their clothes by the door and stumbled down the hall together. Dipper and Mabel were staying in the attic for the summer, but the stairs might be dangerous with their lack of coordination, so they went to the study where Wirt was staying and grabbed two pairs of pants and some of his thickest sweaters. Dipper stepped into the hallway to get changed.

If Wirt thought his legs had ached before, it was nothing compared to how they felt now. They prickled and ached and were somehow weirdly hot even though he was freezing. And they seem to weigh about 200 pounds each. Changing into sweatpants left him shaking with exhaustion. When he was done he leaned heavily on the dresser, debating the merits of collapsing face-first on the floor.

Dipper knocked at the door. “Wirt?”

“Almost done.” The door looked so far away.

“Hurry. We need to start a fire and get draaagh…”

Wirt forced his legs to the door and opened it. Dipper had braced himself against the wall, holding his shoulder. He grinned weakly.

“Th-thought that’d get you.”

Wirt winced and pulled Dipper towards him, so he was leaning on Wirt instead of the wall. They moved stiffly back to the front of the Shack and into the parlor, the wind whistling bitterly in the cracks of the Shack.

Dipper’s friend (Soup? Stew?) had turned the parlor into a second living room, with two big couches that folded out into beds for the old uncle guys. It had a big rug, a coffee table, some book cases, and most importantly, a brick fire place complete with a stack of wood three feet high.

Dipper let go of Wirt and reached for the lighter and the newspaper on the coffee table. Wirt knelt on the brick and began loading log after log into the hearth.

“Easy,” Dipper said, with a small laugh. “If you pile on t-too many the f-f-fire won’t start.”

“I will never b-be warm ag-g-gain,” Wirt chattered. “Not unless we s-s-set the whole Sh-Shack on fire.”

“Let’s p-put a pin in that.”

Dipper pulled sheets of paper from the newspaper and threw them on the logs, then clicked the lighter. Wirt forced himself to stand up, staggered over to a couch, and grabbed the thick blankets that had been piled on top. He came back and sat down, pulling the blankets around them as tight as he could without scraping Dipper’s back.

“We should really di-disinfect that,” Wirt muttered.

“Mmm.”

The storm was still pounding outside. They huddled together and sat so close to the fire their knees practically touched the metal grate. For a second Wirt wondered whether Greg was okay (haha, whether), but then he remembered Mabel had said they were all safe and sound.

A sudden breath of cold air touched Wirt’s neck and he shivered, scooting even closer to Dipper. His boyfriend dropped his head on Wirt’s shoulder with a sigh. Wirt’s eyelids drooped. The flames flickered higher, warming his numb face, making his cheeks tingle. He was so heavy, and so, so tired…

Dipper woke up slowly. His first thought was that he and Wirt had fallen asleep in the clearing, and his back sort of hurt because he’d laid down on some rocks. Then the full memory of the blizzard slammed into his brain and the pain on his back roared to life.

“Ow ow ow owwww,” he muttered. He opened his eyes.

He and Wirt had fallen asleep in front of the fire. The storm was still going outside, and the fire had burned low. But he was wrapped up in thick warm blankets, and Wirt had somehow tipped over and sprawled across Dipper’s lap like blanket, snoring and all. Dipper smiled and gently brushed Wirt’s bangs from his face.

Wirt gave a snort and opened his eyes, glancing up at Dipper.

“Are we dead?” Wirt asked. “Because all of my muscles hurt like we’re dead.”

Dipper grinned. “If we are, then we must be in heaven…because I think I see an angel.”

Wirt groaned. “Well you poetry is clearly dead…”

Dipper laughed and then winced as the skin on his back pulled. Wirt groaned and struggled to sit up, wiping at his face with his hand.

“Alright, okay, I’m awake. Can you turn so I can see your back?”

He did, letting the blanket fall away. Wirt pulled up his shirt, carefully avoiding touching it.

“Okay, well the good news is, I don’t see broken skin. The bad news is that all the skin I do see involves all the colors of the rainbow.”

“Hurts like it does,” Dipper admitted. “Honestly it’s a good thing Mabel does such good knitting, or that thing probably would’ve sliced me way worse.”

He held back a hiss when Wirt let the shirt fall down. Wirt tucked the blanket carefully around Dipper again and then leaned forward to add more wood to the fire.

“Okay,” Wirt said, standing up. “I’m going to get some ice for that –”

Dipper groaned. “Not more ice.”

“– and you are going to sit there like a good little mollusk until I get back.”

“Can you at least bring snacks?”

“Yes, but only for me.”

Dipper let out a smothered snort. Wirt moved away, yawning, and in a minute he was out of sight.

Dipper looked around. It was warm, but it was also pretty dark in here, since the only illumination was the fire. He got to his feet slowly, using the coffee table for balance. His joints popped and cracked and he suddenly had a deep sympathy for his Grunkle Stan’s arthritis. He stepped carefully to the standing lamp and flicked on the light. Instantly the whole room looked much brighter, warmer, and safer, in spite of the snow still hurling itself against the glass. He looked around again. Now if only he could find…aha! Right by Great-Uncle Ford’s sofa was a fresh pad of paper and a pen. Perfect.

When Wirt came back he had again situated himself in front of the fire, hiding what he’d done under his blanket.

“Oh good!” he said, spotting the tray in Wirt’s hands. “You brought food! You are my favorite person ever I am so hungry.”

Wirt raised an eyebrow. “You turned on the light? I told you not to get up. Now I get to eat the snacks all by myself.”

“Oh c'moooon,” Dipper groaned. He looked at Wirt with his best puppy dog eyes. “Please? I’m so hungry I’m dying…”

“Oh, fine,” Wirt mumbled, blushing bright red. “But ice pack first. Put it on your back and then hold it there by leaning against the coffee table.”

Wirt handed him the ice and Dipper complied, settling the blanket carefully around him. Wirt set down the tray and they made short work of the pretzels, Smoreos, and instant hot chocolate loaded with marshmallows.

“How long d'you think the storm’s gonna last?” Wirt said minutes, nodding toward the window, a Smoreo in his hand.

Dipper shrugged. “Probably until my Great-Uncle Ford can figure out a way to turn off the magic rock. So not long. I don’t know how long we were asleep, though, so who knows how long it’s been since it started.”

“I know.” Wirt yawned hugely. “Feels like we napped for days and I’m still tired.”

He grinned. “That’ll happen when you run like crazy from a blizzard after five hours of hiking.”

“On that note –” Wirt pointed at Dipper “I am never ever hiking with you again. I happen to like my nose on my body, not sliced off by frostbite’s ruthless cleaver.”

“Aw, c'mon! This was a one time thing!” Dipper nudged him with an elbow. “You know you were having tons of fun until the deadly blizzard!”

Wirt rolled his eyes. “Keywords in there are ‘deadly blizzard’, Dipper.  Bilzzards are not my thing.“

“Fair point, fair point. Counterpoint, if you don’t hike with me, then you will be deprived of epic poetry material forever. Two dashing young heroes narrowly escaping the indomitable forces of nature? Tell methat doesn’t have ‘epic’ written all over it.”

“Weeeeeeelllll…”  Wurt was trying not to smile. 

Dipper grinned. “Alright, then…would this change your mind?”

He pulled Ford’s notepad from under his blanket and held it up. On it he had drawn himself and Wirt asleep in front of the fire, one of Dipper’s arms draped across Wirt’s shoulders, with Wirt pillowed in Dipper’s lap, ensconced in layers of thick fluffy blankets.

Wirt turned bright red all the way to the tips of his ears. “That is so unfairly cute.”

Dipper laughed (carefully) and patted the floor next to him, inviting Wirt to come closer. Wirt grabbed his blankets and obliged, pulling the tray closer. He grabbed the pot of hot chocolate from the tray and refilled both their cups, then settled back comfortably against the coffee table. They weren’t cold anymore, but they pressed together anyway, shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee. The ice was doing wonders for his back, too. He took another sip of chocolate so he wouldn’t get too cold. The steam from the mug was soft and soothing.

Suddenly Wirt shifted. “Uh, Dipper, why is there a face in the flames?”

“Hmm?” He glanced up. “Oh that’s just one of those little soot ball things. Like from that one movie with the cranky girl who does all the chores? Mabel named it Cinderfuzzyballofcutenessella, but we just call it Fuzzy.”

Wirt grumbled under his breath. “The next time I see your sister remind me keep her far, far, far away from anything paranormal.”

Dipper chuckled and snuggled closer to Wirt. The fire burned strong and bright in the hearth, the smell of chocolate filled the air, and Wirt’s whole body warmed Dipper right to his soul, filling him with peace.

He rested his head on Wirt’s shoulder and drifted back to sleep.

He rested his head on Wirt’s shoulder and drifted back to sleep.

[roboticspacecase]

47 BillDip 😂😂😂😂

47.  “You made gingerbread zombies?”

Out of all the weird things Dipper had been expecting from the holiday with his demon boyfriend, hiding in his room from gingerbread men with a towel tucked under the door and a chair propped up against it wasn’t one of them.

“I can’t believe you made gingerbread zombies, of all things, Bill.” He gave the blond a dirty look as he put his boots on, thankful that the zombies were at least small enough to crush underfoot if he needed to.

Bill shrugged, trying to hide an obvious smile. “What, I thought you’d like something a little more exciting than a simple family party. Once everyone gets home they’ll have a great time fighting them off! You Pines love to fight things.”

“Not on Christmas!” Dipper snapped. “You need to fix this before they get home or I swear I’ll throw you out in the snow to freeze.”

“Harsh,” the demon huffed.

Dipper pointed to the door, his expression stern and cold. “Fix it.”

Rolling his eyes, Bill snapped his fingers and the small scratches and growls at the door were replaced with the sound of clacking and cracking as the gingerbread men fell.

“Thank you,” Dipper huffed. “But Mabel is still going to be upset that you ruined her cookies. You’d better make it up to her.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bill pulled Dipper into a hug and tried to kiss his cheek, the brunet resisting his hold. “No kiss? I fixed the zombies,” the demon pouted.

“After being the one that caused them,” he scoffed. Despite still being a bit angry, Dipper couldn’t help but cave when the blond gave him puppy dog eyes. “Fine, on the cheek. But you’re cleaning all of the mess. And you owe me a backrub.”

Bill mushed his lips against Dipper’s cheek, squeezing the smaller man as he did so. “Can do, Pine Tree! It’ll be easy if I just-”

“No animating other food or household items to help, this isn’t freaking Fantasia,” Dipper interrupted. A chuckle escaped him when the demon groaned and threw his hands up in the air.

“You’re no fun!” he whined.

Dipper nodded, finally moving the chair away from the door so that Bill could start cleaning and he could finish making sure the rest of the house was ready for their big holiday dinner.

“I don’t want to see a single crumb when you’re done,” he said when he opened the door, revealing the mess of frosting and cookie all over the floor.

Bill slipped past him, his hand sliding under the brunet’s chin as he moved. “Oh, I love it when you’re bossy.”

“Shut up,” Dipper laughed.

The demon might’ve been a lot to deal with sometimes, but Dipper did love him. Even if he had just almost unleashed a pack of rabid cookies on his family for the holidays.

[animationnut]

To Gravity Falls, From Piedmont: Final Chapter

Summary: It’s a long way until next summer. Until then, Dipper and Mabel share their daily antics and life problems with their lifelong friends and attentive great-uncles through an endless string of e-mails. Distance makes the heart grow fonder after all, and there’s no place Dipper and Mabel love more than Gravity Falls.  Note: When I first started this story, it was to help me, and hopefully others, to cope with the ending of Gravity Falls. Thank you for staying with me on this journey, and I hope you've had as much fun as I did.

                                                     Chapter List

To: GF Crew (10+ contacts in this list)

From: Dipper Pines (GhostHarasserfan)

Subject: On the road

Mabel and I are minutes away from boarding the bus and then it'll be a matter of hours before we see you guys. We can't wait!

See all messages in this thread (Expand)

Mabel Pines: EEEEEE I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE MY PEOPLE AGAIN!

Grenda Gosling: We'll have an epic sleepover once you get here! We'll play loud music that'll annoy the neighbours and I've got a stash of magazines with posters of all the cute boys!

Candy Chiu: And we will eat candy and pizza until we get sick!

Mabel Pines: I can't wait!

Fiddleford McGucket: I'm as jittery as a rabid raccoon, I'm so excited! Got a lot to share with you kids when you get here! Oh, and maybe you can help with my gnome problem. Pesky creatures.

Dipper Pines: A leaf blower will fix that problem right away.

Gideon Gleeful: I eagerly await your arrival, my lady. And I suppose it'll be pleasant to see you again, Dipper.

Robbie Valentino: How about Mabel comes and Dork Tree stays in Cali?

Dipper Pines: Aw, I love you losers too.

Pacifica Northwest: We can go shopping. You need more variety than colourful knitted sweaters.

Mabel Pines: I don't know about that, but I like to shop, so you're on!

Soos Ramirez: We're cleaning up the attic right now, dudes! It'll be all ready for you when you get here.

Dipper Pines: You don't have to do that, we can help clean when we arrive.

Soos Ramirez: Nah, it's no problem.

Grunkle Stan: We'll race you. By land and by sea. Let's see who gets there first. Loser has to sweep the Mystery Shack for a week.

Dipper Pines: Deal.

Mabel Pines: How close are you?

Grunkle Stan: Only a few hours away.

Grunkle Ford: And by a few he means ten, and a sailboat doesn't quite get the mileage of a vehicle.

Grunkle Stan: They're on a public transit bus, Poindexter. Probably the same amount of mileage.

Grunkle Ford: Fair point.

Wendy Corduroy: My dudes are coming back home and we are going to party hard!

Grunkle Ford: We will celebrate in a jubilant but responsible manner.

Grunkle Stan: Buzzkill.

Dipper Pines: Oh, here comes our bus!

Mabel Pines: If you need us, text us. But we'll see you soon!

Wendy could hear the vacuum cleaner before she stepped foot inside the Mystery Shack. She paused in the threshold, staring at the streaks of water across the hardwood floor. Shaking her head in amusement she took off her boots and set them aside. She inched her way along the wall until she got to the living room, where Abuelita was pushing the vacuum cleaner aggressively across the carpet.

"Hey, Abuelita," said Wendy, raising to be heard over the noisy machine.

Abuelita glanced up and greeted, "Hello, dear. Soos is upstairs. There are snacks in the kitchen for you to eat if you're hungry."

"Don't mind if I do. Thanks."

Wendy took a detour to the kitchen, halting when she discovered the piles of saran-wrapped plates and containers of food. Eyes wide, she lifted up the wrap of a plate of chocolate chip cookies in bemusement, taking a couple. She promptly shoved them into her mouth to avoid sprinkling crumbs and headed for the stairs.

"Heads up!"

There was a great clattering and Wendy had a glimpse of a large wooden structure hurtling down the steps her way before instincts caused her to dive to the side. She rolled twice, smacking her head against the wall, and she sat up, flinching as the piece of furniture landed with an almighty crash.

"Soos, are you scratching the floor?" called Abuelita.

"Uh, sorry!" answered Soos, hurrying down the steps. "I'll polish it off."

"What the heck?" asked Wendy, straggling to her feet. "I came to work every day this week, so you really don't have a reason to kill me."

"Sorry Wendy," said Soos sheepishly. "I was trying to get the bedframes outside so I could clean them. They're pretty dusty and cobwebby."

"I think it's sweet you and your grandmother are in a cleaning frenzy to get everything ready for the Pines crew, but seriously." Wendy crossed her arms with a grin. "They're not going to care about dust and whatever. I mean, Mr. Pines ran this place for years and he probably never picked up a feather duster in that time."

"We don't mind." Soos wiped some sweat from his brow and asked, "What's up, dude?"

"I was wondering if you needed any help. I got my crew outside who are reluctantly ready to work."

"Cool! Would you mind working on the yard?" asked Soos. "We haven't gotten a chance to start cleaning outside yet."

"It's the outside. It's not gonna get clean. But I will get rid of all litter the jerk tourists left behind. We'll set up the tables and stuff while we're at it."

"You're the best."

"Flattery gets you everywhere. You need help taking these things outside?" she asked, gesturing towards the bedframe.

"Nah, I got it."

"Sweet. We'll be outside if you need anything." Wendy started down the hallway, careful not to slip on the newly-washed floor. She paused when she reached the end and glanced over her shoulder. "Do you know Abuelita made enough food to feed the army?"

"She does that. Pretty great, huh?"

"Definitely. I'll happily drown in her churros."

Wendy ventured outside, where her friends were gathered around Thompson's vehicle. "Can we go home?" asked Robbie.

"No. We're gonna clean this yard up." Wendy swept her arms to the side to accompany her statement. "Grab a rake, grab a broom, let's move it people."

Tambry looked up from her phone, raising an eyebrow. "And what will you be doing?"

"Supervising. I already clocked in my hours at this place." Wendy hopped onto the hood of the car and lowered Dipper's cap over her eyes. Five sets of hands immediately pushed against her body, sending her tumbling to the ground.

"I don't think so," said Nate with a snort as Lee laughed. "C'mon dudes, let's get those tables." He punched Thompson on the shoulder and the three set off.

"You can do the raking," said Robbie with a snicker as Tambry helped Wendy to her feet.

The redhead glowered at him. "Fine. You can clean the port-a-potties."

"Whoa, not on your life—ouch! Okay, okay, whatever, let go before you crush my windpipe!"

…

Pushing open the heavy oak doors of her former home, Pacifica stepped onto the glossy marble tiles and lifted her designer sunglasses to rest on top of her head. She stared at the scuff marks that streaked across the once-pristine floor and she let out a sigh.

"Hey, McGucket!" she called, walking further into the mansion. "Are you here?"

His raccoon skittered down the grand staircase, claws clicking against the wood. Pacifica yelped and stumbled backwards, giving a wide berth between her and the creature.

"Don't worry, she don't bite none," said McGucket, coming down the staircase next. "She's just sayin' howdy!"

"Great," muttered Pacifica, curling her nose. "I can't believe you still haven't changed the alarm codes. Do you know how much of a security hazard that is?"

McGucket shrugged uncaringly. "Lotta work to get new numbers. Besides, this way ya can visit whenever ya want."

"You're getting a new code. I'll get you a new code. That way I'll have the numbers and there's no chance of my parents attempting to sneak back in here. I don't know if they still believe me when I say you got them changed." Flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder, she asked, "Are you ready?"

"Kinda. I couldn't find them decorations you were talkin' about. Ya know how many rooms ya have in this maze?"

"One hundred and twenty-five," answered Pacifica promptly. "We keep them on the third floor."

They made the trek up the stairs and down the corridor. Pacifica led McGucket into a room at the end of the corridor, where elegant party decorations were packed in totes or balanced against the wall. McGucket watched as Pacifica opened up a box and unpacked several crystal drinking glasses.

"Ya take this stuff back home with ya," spoke McGucket. "I have no need for it."

"Neither do we," said Pacifica, making sure all the glasses were accounted for and arranging them back amongst the bubble wrap. "We can't afford parties like we used to and now that my parents aren't as rick as they used to be they've been sort of ousted from their social group. So you can use this stuff for whatever you want. I figured we could use the dishware and the tablecloths Mom found in Morocco. This may be a hick town but it's a special occasion and it won't kill to show some class."

"And usin' this junk will probably make your parents angrier than a pack of hornets," said McGucket knowingly.

Pacifica flashed her winning, mega-watt smile at him. "Maybe."

She took the box and started to stand, accidentally hitting her head on the shelf above her. It jostled from the movement and one of the boxes started to tip off. McGucket swung Pacifica out of the way and the box crashed to the spot where she had just been, glass crunching within and several broken luxury candles rolling across the floor.

"Thanks," said Pacifica, handing McGucket the box. She then wrangled out the Moroccan tablecloths and then the two started back into the corridor.

"Is that all ya need?" asked McGucket, shutting the door behind him.

"We never exactly invested in streamers, balloons and your typical party supplies. Candy, Grenda and Gideon are getting that stuff. I have to go to the Shack and work out the playlist. Do you wanna come?"

"Sure thing!"

As they crossed the foyer towards the entrance, Pacifica couldn't help but glance down at the marked-up floor. "You know what, I'm getting you a cleaner too. You do not want to know how much these tiles cost, but they don't deserve this kind of treatment."

…

Candy and Grenda tore through the party decoration section of the general store, rifling through bins of neon party hats and noisemakers and sorting through rolls of streamers. Whenever they found something they liked they would toss it over their shoulder and into the cart.

"Oof!" Gideon grunted, a roll of purple streamers bouncing off his forehead and landing in the already-packed cart. "Are ya ladies almost done?"

"No! We have not gotten the confetti yet," said Candy.

"And a confetti cannon!" exclaimed Grenda.

Shaking his head, Gideon continued to follow after the girls as they wound their way down the aisle. Their cart was already full of balloons, streamers, noisemakers and packets of glitter. "I think we have enough."

"We're not leaving without the confetti," said Candy seriously.

Sighing, Gideon swung the cart around and went to check the other side of the aisle, where party favours and gift bags were laid out. As he was searching, Candy and Grenda found the cans of silly string. Exchanging mischievous glances, they each took one and snuck up behind Gideon.

"Surprise!" cheered Candy, and she and Grenda unleashed a wave of foul-smelling turquoise silly string upon the younger boy.

Gideon spluttered, raising his hands to block his face. "Stop that! My hair!"

"We were practicing for when Dipper and Mabel get here," said Grenda cheekily. "I think we did pretty good!"

Giggling madly the two raced down the aisle. Gideon slowly touched the substance sticking to his hair and his eyes narrowed.

"Don't make me set Ghost-Eyes on ya."

…

Pressing her face against the bus window, so that her cheeks and nose were squished against the glass. At the sight of the sign that welcomed them to Gravity Falls, she let out shriek. "Dipper! We're here, we're here!"

Dipper jolted out of his nap, rubbing at his bleary eyes. "What?" He nudged his sister aside, able to catch the sign before they passed by it. He grinned. "Yes! Finally!"

They gathered their luggage and the bus rolled to a stop. They climbed off the vehicle and stood on the edge of the road, immediately noticing the blue and pink streamers tied to the trees. "Well…this is a weird welcome," said Dipper in bemusement.

"It's like a cookie crumb trail, but without the cookies and with streamers!" Mabel swung her purple duffel bag over her shoulder and grabbed Dipper's hand. "Let's go!"

Hearts pounding with eager anticipation, they traversed through the trees, Waddles sniffing after them, following the path the streamers marked out, laced amongst the trunks and low-hanging branches. They walked through town, which was oddly empty, and continued towards the Mystery Shack. Even after the months away, they knew the dirt path well and could walk it with their eyes closed.

The second the Mystery Shack came within view the twins came to a halt, eyes widening at the dozens of people crowding the yard. There was a great roar of cheering when the pair finally stumbled out of the thicket and onto the property, and the first ones to rush towards them were Soos and Wendy.

"Dudes!" exclaimed Soos, swinging the twins into a bear hug. "I'm so happy you're here!"

"We are too!" said Dipper feelingly. "It's so good to see you guys."

"My people," said Wendy with a wide grin, looping her arms around their shoulders and squeezing. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

Soos set the twins down and Dipper removed the ushanka. "I think this is yours."

"And I do believe this is yours."

They exchanged hats and Dipper set the worn cap over his tousled brown hair. "Man, this is a lot lighter than I remember."

"Oh yeah, this will definitely keep me warm during the morning chills," said Wendy in satisfaction. She then gave Dipper and Mabel a proper hug. "Man, I missed you."

"We missed you too," said Mabel happily.

"Mabel!"

Mabel swung around and beamed at Candy and Grenda, who barrelled towards her. They collided in a hug, laughing delightedly. "Girls!"

"We are together again!" said Candy. She then glanced at Dipper's amused expression and added quickly, "And we are happy to see you too!"

"You don't need to lie. I know who the favourite is," said Dipper dismissively.

"It's pretty obvious," said Grenda jokingly, punching the boy in the shoulder.

Pacifica and Gideon walked over and Dipper grinned. "Bet you two are the happiest to see us."

"Can't you see it in my face?" drawled Pacifica, managing to maintain her indifferent expression.

"It's always a delight to see Mabel. I could do without ya," said Gideon with a smirk.

"I missed you losers too," said Dipper with a laugh. He exchanged a fist bump with Gideon and went to give Pacifica a hug, but hesitated. Pacifica stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a quick embrace before moving back.

"It's nice to have you both back," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest and fighting back a blush.

Mabel gave both Gideon and Pacifica a hug, squealing happily. Robbie sauntered over, hands slung in his pockets. "Dork Tree," he sneered, giving the boy a noogie. "Star Shine." He gave Mabel's hair a light ruffle. "Can't believe you actually came back."

"Hey kids!" said McGucket, swooping the twins into a hug. "Welcome back!"

"Thanks for the party," said Dipper, glancing around at his friends, heart swelling with warmth. "You didn't have too."

"Any excuse to party, we'll take it. Besides, you deserve it. We've been waiting months for you to come back," said Wendy.

"Guess you dudes beat Mr. Pines and Mr. Pines," said Soos. "We haven't seen them yet."

"All right, we won." Mabel high-fived Dipper. "But I hope they get here soon. I really really can't wait to see them."

"Just like Grunkle Stan to make us wait," quipped Dipper.

"You can bring your luggage inside," offered Soos. "The attic is all ready."

"Thanks. Where will you and Abuela sleep?" asked Mabel.

"We will have our old house. We'll stay there for the summer. No biggie. I kinda missed living there, actually."

"Okay, we'll be back. Don't party without us!" ordered Mabel.

They made their way through the crowd, shaking hands, accepting backslaps and hugs from the townspeople who stepped forwards to welcome them back to Gravity Falls. Waddles wound around people's feet and scampered after the twins. They stepped over the threshold of the Mystery Shack and they were immediately assaulted with familiar scents, a mustiness and woodsy aroma that brought back a slew of memories.

"We're here," whispered Mabel. "We're actually here."

"Race you upstairs!" challenged Dipper.

They tore through the house and all the way up to the attic, where Mabel burst open the door. They stared at the two beds sitting almost side-by-side, a nightstand sitting between them. Mabel spun in a circle, letting out a sigh of contentment.

"Just like we left it, bro. Splinters and all."

Dipper dropped his bags on the bed and flopped back on the mattress, grunting when Waddles hopped onto his stomach before rolling off. "Is the Invisible Wizard still in the closet?"

Mabel wandered over and opened the door. "Hello?" she asked, waving a hand in the empty space. "Nope, don't think so. Too bad. He's going to miss one heck of a party."

They started back downstairs, pausing in the living room at the sound of the back door clicking shut. Glancing at one another, they moved towards the kitchen, where two very familiar figures came into view. With an ear-piercing shriek and eyes misting over with happy tears, Mabel charged forwards and launched into Stan's awaiting arms as Dipper raced over to Ford.

"Dang it, the runts did beat us," laughed Stan, holding Mabel close. "Told you your navigating stinks."

"I'm not the one who lost the map," shot back Ford, running his fingers through Dipper's brown strands. "You're a sight for sore eyes, kids."

"Sorry we're a bit late. Ran into some trouble. And it wasn't me losing the map." Stan set Mabel down so she could go to Ford and Dipper could step into his embrace. "How was your trip?"

"Tiring, hot and boring," replied Dipper. "But it's worth it."

"Where's Waddles?" asked Ford, glancing around.

"Hope you left him at home," sniffed Stan.

As if on cue, Waddles trotted into the kitchen and went up to Stan, nibbling on the edge of his pantleg. "He missed you," cooed Mabel.

"Don't know why," said Stan gruffly, leaning down to stroke the pig's head.

"Did you see outside? Everyone's here!" exclaimed Mabel. "They're having a party for us!"

"I figured by the number of cars cloggin' the driveway there was something goin' on," said Stan. "That's way we came through the back. Figured there'd be less of a chance of gettin' mobbed before we stick our junk in here."

"Better not keep them waiting," said Ford, setting Mabel to the ground. "I think we've done enough of that."

"Is there food?" asked Stan.

"A ton," confirmed Dipper. "At least three tables."

"Well heck, I'm starved. Let's go greet our adoring public."

Ford linked hands with Mabel and Stan wrapped his arm around Dipper's shoulders. They all knew they would have an entire summer to spend together, to share stories and spend all the time they wanted together. But tonight, they would celebrate their return not only with each other but with their friends, who were just as eager to have them back as they were to be reunited.

The second they stepped outside there was another chorus of cheering, and Soos and Wendy and McGucket hurried forwards to embrace Stan and Ford. There was a lot of excited chatting, good-natured insults and crying (mostly from Soos) and the party soon fell in full swing, pop music pumping through the speakers and laughter ringing throughout landscape.

The magical creatures of Gravity Falls eventually arrived to greet the Pines family for themselves, from the gnomes to the Manotaurs to the unicorns. It was an odd collection of people and creatures, if you were an outsider looking in. But to Dipper and Mabel, it was perfect.

Glass of punch in one hand, his other resting on Dipper's head, Stan listened to Soos speak animatedly, explaining the changes he made to the Mystery Shack with Wendy interjecting every now and then. Ford held Mabel in his lap, a contented smile on his lips.

Though they had been away for months, it was as if they had never left.

"We're home kiddos," spoke Stan quietly, watching as the sun drifted down over the horizon, washing them in a warm orange glow, promising the dawn of another amazing summer. "We're home."